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#A Pain in the Tuchis
jewishbookworld · 3 years
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The 59 books posted on JewishBookWorld.org in February 2022
The 59 books posted on JewishBookWorld.org in February 2022
Here is the list of the 92 books that I posted on JewishBookWorld.org in February 2022. The image above contains some of the covers. The bold links take you to the book’s page on Amazon; the “on this site” links to the book’s page on this site. (more…)
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hockeytrashgoblin · 5 years
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Just One Date? ~ Part 2
A/N: hi loves! Here’s part 2! not much to say about it. It’s really dialogue heavy compared to the last one. Not nearly as long as the last one but I guess it’s kinda close. lol oops enjoy!
“Hi gorgeous.” the low voice said walking past me quickly. I turned to look up and saw him wink at me as he left the room following my boss. I was doing some editing stuff while Tuch was in the studio doing an interview. Most likely one that I would be editing the next day. I tried my best to focus on my work but it was really distracting knowing that he was just one room away and that in less than an hour I would be leaving with him to go on date number two. It had been about a week since the first one and I was once again nervous. Not that surprising to anyone really. We had been talking pretty much non-stop though since the date which was really nice but I couldn’t help but still feel a little bit nervous to see him like that again. I’d seen him since but it wasn’t as big of a deal as another date was.
Again he decided not to tell me where he was taking me on this date which was annoying but kind of fun too. All he told me was to dress comfy in pants and not too loose clothes with boots. Some weird instructions let me tell you what but I did as I was told and just wore it to work. He didn’t want to wait for me to go home and get changed because it would be ‘burning daylight’ so we were just going to leave from here. I was completely wrapped in my thoughts when my boss and Alex came back into the room breaking me from them.
“Alright (y/n), I’m out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye Lindsay have a good one. I’ll make sure to lock everything up before I go.”
“Okay cool. Alex are you ready to go?”
“Actually I’m giving (y/n) a ride home so I’m just going to wait for her if that’s alright?”
“Yeah of course. I’ll see you guys later.” she sounded kind of bitter about it and I scoffed when she left.
“What was that?” he asked laughing.
“My boss has a thing for you.” I said turning to him half laughing too.
“Oh really? Maybe I can get her number.” he said with a playful look in his eye. I rolled mine and spun my chair to face away from him again.
“Rude ass.”
“Beautiful, no. I was just kidding.” he said coming up behind me and hugging around my shoulders. “Your number is the only girl’s number I care to have. Besides my mom and sister of course.”
“Sure, sure Tuchy whatever you say.” I said with a sarcastic smile.
“Hey.” he pulled my chair around to face him again and we were definitely face to face. “That was a bad joke. I shouldn’t have said it and I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I mean it gorgeous.” he leaned forward and gave me a chaste kiss. “Are you ready to go yet?”
“Just about. Just let me do this one last thing and then I’ll send it to Lindsay for feedback then we can get out of here.”
“Okay sounds good.”
“But you have to stop distracting me first.” I said kissing him again before spinning my chair back to the desk. I worked pretty quickly and got everything done. Alex slowed down the process by asking me a million questions about what I was doing and how to do it but eventually I finished and sent it to Lindsay for review.
“You’re so smart and talented. It’s so interesting watching you work.” he said as we left the building.
“Alex it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Yes it is.”
“Maybe sometime we could make a video and I could edit it together and teach you a bit of stuff.” I paused for a second thinking about what I had just said before continuing. “Okay I just realized it sounded like I was offering to make a sex tape with you and I just want to clarify that that is not at all what I was trying to suggest.”
“Do you need something for when I’m on the road?” he asked laughing at me.
“Noooo.”
“You could’ve just asked.”
“Noooo.” I said covering my face this time.
“Who knew quiet little (y/n) wanted to star in a sex tape with yours truly.”
“Alex shut up.” I groaned smacking his arm while still trying to hide my blushing face behind one hand.
“Didn’t want to have sex on a boat but wants to make a sex tape. Who knew you were like this? Little bit kinky don’t you think?” he asked with laughter still dancing in his eyes.
“You don’t even know yet.” I exclaimed before my face went even redder, my brain catching up to what I said. I slouched down in the seat of his car to try and disappear while Alex died of laughter. “Fuck off Tuch.”
“Babe, come on. How am I supposed to just leave that alone?” he asked still laughing.
“I’m sorry just please stop.” I begged. He looked at me and his face softened when he saw my face.
“I’m sorry for laughing and making jokes (y/n). I just wasn’t expecting you to say any of that. Didn’t think I’d ever get any kind of information like that, let alone find out that I don’t even know yet how kinky you are. I was just surprised. Forgive me?” he asked taking my hand and kissing the back of it while he continued driving.
“Yeah, yeah I forgive you.” I said rolling my eyes at him. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised though. I’m a grown woman and I know what I like.”
“I think I just forget since you’re just a little baby.”
“Alex I’m literally only 2 years younger than you.”
“Yes. A baby.”
“This baby’s gonna fight you if you’re not careful.”
“Are we gonna film it?” he asked with a smirk winking at me. I groaned loudly.
“You’re the worst.” I yelled out into the car making him laugh.
“You love it.”
“Yeah well if someone could help me find out why that would be greatly appreciated.”
“Gotta get some scans done for sure.”
“See a brain specialist. ‘Dr. why do I subject myself to and enjoy the company of Alex Tuch?’”
“He’d probably say because I’m fantastic company to keep.” he said with a dopey smile.
“This doctor has not been in your company like I have then.”
“Ouch! You wound me.” he said grabbing his chest.
“Someone has to.” I said laughing. “Can’t let that ego get too big.”
“I did always need some help keeping that in check. Good thing I’ve got you to do it now huh?”
“I guess it is.” I said smiling softly at my hands. “Do I get to know what we’re doing today or what?”
“Or what.” he said smirking.
“Come on Alex please?” I begged, giving him my best puppy dog pout.
“Come on don’t give me that shit. (y/n) stop you’re so cute.”
“I will not.”
“Fine you little pain in the ass. I’m taking you horseback riding.”
“Yay! Wait really? We’re going to ride horses?” I asked getting excited and grabbing his arm which made him smile big too.
“Yes we’re going to ride horses. I thought it would be fun and I’ve heard you mention a few times that you like horses so..”
“I only mentioned that like once or twice, how did you remember that?”
“Oh uh it doesn’t matter really. I just remember a lot of things when it comes to you.” he said rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, his cheeks blushing a light shade of pink at the confession. I reached over and gave him a kiss on the cheek which had him blushing more.
“That’s so fucking cute.”
“Yeah well..”
“You’re so fucking cute. Look at that, I’ve got you blushing now.”
“You could stop any time.”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Brat.” he said with a big grin.
“What are you gonna do about it Tuch?”
“You better watch it or you’ll find out.”
“Pfft no I won’t.”
“You’re not the only one who’s kinkier than originally expected (y/n).” he said in a low voice that had me swallowing whatever snappy remark I had waiting.
“Oh?” 
“You’d probably be just as surprised as I will be.”
“Bold of you to assume we’ll get past this second date to find out.”
“Hey, we had that really good first date and if I remember correctly you’ve been blowing up my phone ever since so I’m pretty confident I’ll get a third one and maybe a fourth.” he said smirking.
“You’re so cocky. And I’d like to point up you blow up my phone just as much if not more than I do. I just have a lot of random things to say and no one to send them to.” I said looking at my hands.
“Hey no, don’t get all quiet on me.”
“I’ll stop if you want?”
“No (y/n) I don’t want you to stop. I was just joking around. I love hearing from you out of nowhere that someone is doing something weird on the bus or that you saw something cool to show me later. I think it’s really sweet that whenever things happen to you and around you, you want to tell someone. And the fact that the someone is me? Amazing. Don’t stop doing it.”
“I’m at a loss for words.” I said quietly.
“Well finally.” he said sarcastically making me hit his arm with a smile.
“You’re the worst.”
“You right. But come on we’re here so I can be the worst on a horse now.”
“Great.” I said jumping out of his truck.
“At least when you say yeehaw it’ll make sense here.” he said coming around to my side and taking my hand.
“Hey, yeehaw is an appropriate thing to say in any situation I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah sure, if you say so.”
“I do say so.”
We walked up to the registration building and signed in. The man working was super nice and very helpful pairing us with the perfect horses. I had a beautiful light brown horse with a black tail and mane. Her name was Sunny and she was gorgeous. She kind of looked like the horse from the movie Spirit. Tuch had a black one that was equally as beautiful. Alex took a couple pictures of me with Sunny before we left on the trail because in his words ‘this is just too cute not to capture’. He wouldn’t show me the pictures though which was annoying but oh well. It was so nice and relaxing to spend time with a horse again. It had been so long since I had ridden a horse but it was still awesome. I guess it was also nice to spend time with Alex too but. Horse.
Alex had a little more difficulty with riding his horse. She was a little more energetic than my horse, for lack of a better word. She just wanted to go fast but the guy who was leading the way held her by a leash so she wouldn’t run away. It was kind of funny.
We went uphill for quite a while through a really nice forest trail. I couldn’t believe the sights that we saw on the trip. Once we got to the top there was a beautiful mountain on the other side of a canyon with a small river running right through the middle of the land. It was like looking at a painting, something someone created in their mind, instead of real life scenery in front of me. We were back at the beginning way too soon for my liking. I pet the horse some more while Alex was signing out and fed her some treats.
“Come on beautiful, we gotta go.”
“Do we have to? I don’t wanna.” I said pouting slightly but still smiling.
“Yes (y/n) we do. We can come back again if you want to, I had fun.” he said grabbing my hand and leading me out.
“Even though you were a shit cowboy?”
“Excuse me? I was not a shit cowboy!” he exclaimed loudly.
“You had to be held on a leash Tuch! I was the better cowboy.”
“I will never admit that in my life.”
“You don’t have to. I know it’s true. The boys will believe me. It’s all good.”
“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?” he asked when we got to the car. I leaned against the door of the truck and just smiled at him sweetly.
“Yes, yes I do.”
“Don’t you smile all sweet at me. Cute-ass bitch.” he said, making me let out a burst of laughter.
“You.” I said smiling more. He surged forward and connected his lips to mine in a way that left me breathless when he broke away.
“Sorry..” he said, pulling away. “I couldn’t help it.”
“Pfft okay. It’s fine.”
“Get in the car you little pain.” he said smirking giving me another quick kiss.
“Can’t get in the car if you keep kissing me.”
“Smart-ass.” he laughed and went to his side of the car getting in. I got in too and we started the drive back to my place. “Do you want to stop and get some food somewhere before I bring you back home?”
“Yeah sure. Where were you thinking?”
“I don’t know, it’s a cheat day so I thought maybe fast food if you don’t mind that?”
“Alex look at us. We’re full of hay and smell like horse. I don’t think any fancy places will be itching to let us come in. Besides I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on me.” I said getting quiet.
“I don’t mind spending money on you, (y/n).” he said snorting. “I have enough to spare.”
“I know I just..sorry nevermind I don’t know..”
“Hey, no tell me. You do know.”
“I just don’t want you to think that I’m going on dates with you because you’re spending a lot of money on me or something.. I’m not like that and I don’t want it to come across as that or anything.”
“I know that you aren’t like that, gorgeous. Don’t worry about that at all. I just want to have fun with you and maybe spoil you sometimes. You deserve that.”
“Just don’t go too crazy Tuch, I don’t need expensive things or dates.”
“I know I just wanted to.”
“Okay. The next date I’m planning.”
“See I told you I was confident about getting a third date out of you.” he said with a wink.
“Oh fuck off. As if anyone is surprised by this information.” I said rolling my eyes. “Well hopefully after the one I plan you’ll want a fourth.”
“I definitely will.”
“Wow the confidence you have in me is amazing.”
“I like you, why wouldn’t I be confident that I’d want to see you again?”
“I dunno.”
“Give yourself a little credit cutie.” he said putting his hand on my thigh and squeezing in a comforting way. “Is Mcdonald’s okay?”
“Uh yeah that works for me.”
“Okay cool.” he said pulling into the drive thru. “What do you want?”
“Large fry and a small M&M mcflurry.”
“Are you sure that’s all you want?”
“Yes.”
“And not because you’re worried about me spending money?”
“No that’s just all I want.”
“Okay if you’re sure.”
“I am Alex.” He ordered the food and sat it all in my lap as we drove out. “Why do I have everything?”
“I don’t want to drop it.”
“Do you want to come back and eat it at my place?”
“Yeah sure we can do that if you want.”
“I’m asking what you want Tuch.”
“Okay fine then yeah let’s go back to your place.” we drove back in pretty much silence since I was eating my mcflurry. When we got there I unlocked the door and let him lead the way in. He dropped the food on the table and laid across my whole couch making me roll my eyes.
“Just make yourself right at home.”
“I will thanks.” he said, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes again getting my food out of the bag and pushing his legs back so I could sit. “Hey this was my comfy spot.”
“Bite me.” I told him with my mouth full of french fries.
“I will if that’s what you’re into.” he said raising his eyebrows suggestively.
“Calm your hormones Tuchy.”
“They’re calm.” he said wrapping an arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. He reached past me and grabbed his food but kept one hand around me.
“You’d probably have more luck if you just let go of me for a second.” I said as he struggled with the takeout containers.
“I don’t want to though.” he said squeezing my waist. “Just help me?”
“Stop pouting you baby.” I said opening his food for him. “Happy you ween?”
“Um I am not a ween but yes I’m happy.” 
We ate pretty much in silence, just a random episode of spongebob on in the background. Once we were done I went and threw out the garbage before coming back in and sitting back against him.
“Come here.” he said quietly.
“Why?”
“I want to cuddle you duh.” he said rolling his eyes making me blush. 
“Fine.”
“Come here cutie.” he pulled me down to him so we were spooning but he had his head lifted a little bit so we could both still watch cartoons. “There that’s better.”
“Good I’m glad you big baby.” I said pulling his arm across my chest and laced my fingers with his.
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nicasbookblr · 2 years
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Hi everyone, I would like to give this book with a funny title a big shout out. Be sure to check out my review in the future too. But first, let’s check it out! Thanks to @bookstagrammerscom @thewildrosepress and @markreutlingerauthor for my copy of the book in exchange of a promotion. I would love to give this book a review soon too! A Pain in the Tuchis, a Mrs. Kaplan Mystery Blurb: Combining the classic charms of Agatha Christie with the delightful humor of M. C. Beaton’s Agatha Raisin novels, Mark Reutlinger’s Mrs. Kaplan mystery series returns as a notorious crank meets an untimely fate. Yom Kippur is a day of reflection and soul searching. But at the Julius and Rebecca Cohen Home for Jewish Seniors, Vera Gold misses this opportunity to atone for her many sins when she up and dies. Indeed, Vera was such a pain in the tuchis to all those around her that when her sister claims Vera was deliberately poisoned, the tough question isn’t who would want to kill her—but who wouldn’t? Having already solved one murder with her dear friend Ida, Rose Kaplan has a sleuthing reputation that precedes her. It’s only natural that Vera’s sister turns to Mrs. K for help. So do the police, but when her conclusions conflict with theirs, they tell her to butt out! This case has more twists than a loaf of challah . And with a homicidal scoundrel on the loose, Mrs. K has to act fast or she might be the guest of honor at the Home’s next memorial service. #qotd Do you find funny titles catching? My answer: I definitely do. It gives me a quick idea of the book’s tone. 🔖 #thewildrosepress #apaininthetuchis #markreutlingerauthor #cozymystery #bookishcanadians #bookblogger #bibliophile ##bookstagramphilippines #bookrecommendations #bookstagramfeature #instabook #booksofinstagram #readersofinstagram #bookfeature #booksbooksbooks #bookgram #booknerd #bookcommunity #bookstagrammer #bookreviewersofinstagram #books #readingcommunity #bookloversofinstagram #goodreads (at Calgary, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf7DYgDP3Tm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Tales of Change -- A Case Study of Tales Character Design and Evolution
Ok guys, we need to talk... I’ve been watching all of the Tales Series Openings and something I’ve come to notice is becoming quite apparent: “When does clothing design take away from character design?” What do I mean by this? Well, just watch all the openings and pay close attention to clothing outfits and character designs. Maybe this is just my opinions, but as the games go on, I have become less and less of a fan of the character designs in the Tales series and I think it has to do with my principles of “Simple is best”. While the characters themselves are simple ― maybe suffering from Six Face Syndrome, but they are effective. You can tell they are part of the same series, which does make it rather successful in terms of affiliation. But am I the only one who feels that clothing designs are going a bit ― overboard? Let’s compare Cless and Stahn from the first two games ― Phantasia and Destiny ― to some of the more recent casts ― For example, Jude and Ludger from Tales of Xillia and Xillia 2. Notice that I want to leave out Velvet from Tales of Beseria because she actually has a strong design compared to her other Tales heroines. Maybe it’s as the series started, it was a fantasy based story with a focus on knights and magic. While that *KINDA* remains the norm, I feel the series taking a turn to a “Modern Fantasy”, I’m still trying to think of a good word for it. But in that ― I feel the series stagnating ― and the character designs most definitely reflect that.
But let’s compare:
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Cless is rather basic by anime standards, but it was the first game. And the rest of his cast very much rounds him out, especially the half-elf Arche. I love her design. But back to Cless/Cress, his outfit is a simple knight’s armor with a red headband ― much like Ryu. And I feel his design is different enough from anime knights with that headband to make him recognizable. Successful, but also not the most unique ― noticeable and fitting of his world.
Next, Stahn:
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He is my favorite protagonist in design from the Tales of series (though now tied with Velvet from Berseria). He takes Cless’ design and really makes it unique, giving him a golden mullet to contrast with the blue of his skin tight undershirt. His armor is simple but also works to expand his silhouette. Although, the extravagant patterns start here BUT they feel in line with his world. We could do without the green headband and armbelts though, I think it breaks his color scheme. Though they kind of balanced it with his red gloves, but even then, they are still tertiary. His scarf however, I wish was red. Blue just does not stand out compared to a sharp red like his gloves. Similar to Dante’s red coat, a red scarf would make his movement stand out and give him a passionate flame that is radiant in his personality. But that’s just me. I think he stands out and is extremely appealing to look at, especially in his spritework in the PS2 remake. Now, let’s shoot forward 11 games and look at Jude:
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Although voiced by the adorable Tsubasa Yonaga, I think Jude shows what happens when you take a design too far without making an impression. Let’s face it, he’s bland. The Japanese spiky bangs are typical and the bishounen face does nothing to help. I can tell they placed more attention to his outfit ― and far too much to a fault. I may like Jude a lot ― but his design is not very successful. Perhaps this is more indicative to a problem as Tales games moved to 3D and then to Next Gen console hardware. Since 3D is NOT my forte, I’ll leave that to someone else ― but looking at the animated opening for Xillia, I can feel the pain placed on the clean-up artists and color artists to keep these patterns consistent. And that is too a fault. Even though I love Ufotable as an animation studio ― they rely on too much CG digital effects to cover for some animation problems. You can compare Xillia’s opening to Abyss’ ― perhaps it’s my love of Norio Matsumoto of Naruto vs Sasuke fame, but the focus on silhouettes of Luke and Ashe in Abyss made for much more interpretive sakuga.
Next:
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Ludger kind of suffers the same issues as Jude, but I feel he started an incline back up for Tales designs. Even if his face and hair aren’t really individual, his outfit stands out to his other Tales protagonists, with a dress shirt, tie, slacks and suspenders making him a bit modern. But I wonder if this loses the fantasy setting that Tales started as. Xillia 2 doesn’t really have a clear identity, and even though Ludger has a better design than Jude, he doesn’t fit in this fantasy setting. I can tell they wanted more Sci-Fi aesthetics, but didn’t take it there ― standing in this odd middle ground. Especially since it is supposed to take place 2 years after Xillia. His cat Rollo is f**king cute though. But when you look at the penultimate shot from Xillia 2’s opening, there is one character that really stuck out to me as a design that brought gave this modern flair to me that was very appealing ― and that was Elle:
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Her outfit maybe rather “down to earth”, there is something about it that makes her work as a strong design among the crowd of the other Xillia cast. Her hair and hat make a great silhouette for her head and her dress also adds a lot without the over reliance on complex pattern work or overdone coat tails. I really find her design successful as just a character design for a child character. But what does this all mean? I think it shows that as Tales has lived on, it has become more focused on clothing and sleekness compared to strong silhouettes and really creating an identity. If you want my example of strong Tales of designs, I can make a list of some real stand outs:
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Velvet ― She is just a well designed protagonist. Maybe a bit edgy, but that’s sort of the point and lampshaded in Berseria story itself. I think her outfit, while revealing is VERY creative among Tales protagonist. I could see her being inspired by Ryuko Matoi and Ivy Valentine. Yuri ― Sort of the fan favorite Tales protagonist. I think his designated purple color makes him well rounded and the use of gold is subtle. He really works and the long hair makes him look cool as opposed to bishounen. Rita ― Asymmetry makes her standout from a first glance. She has a modern fantasy identity with the goggles. Rita is one of the few examples where a lot of clutter makes since for her character ― you can tell she is a mage, studious and messy. Her outfit is a nice mish-mash of Japanese robes and a simple shirt. I think the ribbons keeping her robes together is a little extra and the yellow ribbon better gets the femininity of her design. Philia ― A priestess done very well. Her hair is a break out point to her character and the strong lime green contrasts with the basic white robes and red aspects of her design. The glasses definitely add a moe factor to those who look for it, but all in all, I find her to be successful among the Destiny cast ― Which is already full of masterpieces of Tales’ design. Mila ― More like Velvet 0.5. The long hair is definitely nice and I like the cowlick. I prefer the coolness of her Xillia 2 blue outfit, which gives her a flighty, fairy like appeal. I feel like Velvet perfects her Xillia 2 design ― I find these Mila and Velvet to be like Clefable and Gengar to each other, respectively. Eugene ― Furries are pretty damn rare to be playable in Tales games, but Eugene’s purple body mixed with green ― it’s compliment and silver give him a cold exterior, but the flowiness of his tail and ponytail make him appear softer inside. It’s clear he is more Chinese inspired, but he really works to reflect his character. ― And more... In conclusion, while I definitely do have a soft spot for many characters across the Tales series ― as the series has gone into Next Gen, I can feel a messy chain of designs coming through that really hurt the strength of what Tales character designs can add to the world. Evolving into a modern fantasy, but still being stuck in this weird middle ground that lacks a true identity. I personally believe that if Tales wants to enter Sci-Fi, it should. Or if it wants to do Fantasy, it should. But having robots along with magic in Tales’ history feels ― incongruous with it’s spirit. I feel that Berseria is definitely a start as it stays very fantastical, returning to some routes. However, I want to see the series take a HUGE leap in aesthetic, taking it either to the future or to the past. It needs to pick one and really find an identity for itself ― similar to Final Fantasy. But I will come for Nemura sometime soon because HOLY crap, I have some strong criticism for his designs too ― especially after the zenith that was The World Ends With You. Always Bloom Proudly Guys. ― TUCHI OUT!!
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wileostomy · 7 years
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Vocabulary
Bowel:
Everything in your digestive tract after your stomach.  Divided into the small intestine, also called the ileum, and the large intestine, also called the colon.  The small intestine is responsible for absorbing nutrients, the large intestine is in charge of absorbing water and storing things until you’re ready to poop.
Ileostomy:
Wherein your small intestine pokes out through your belly and empties into a pouch.  A person with an ileostomy is called an ileostomate, which is fun to say with an Australian accent.  That’s me for a few months.
Colostomy:
Wherein your large intestine pokes out through your belly and empties into a pouch.  A person with a colostomy is called a colostomate, which is also fun to say with an Australian accent.  I don’t have a large intestine anymore, so that’s not what I have.
Raw carrots:
A manifestation of pure evil.  Believed by most medical professionals to be literal incarnations of Satan on Earth, they will seriously fuck up an ileostomy and send you to the ER.  More on my diet in a later post.
Total colectomy:
A surgical procedure where they remove your entire large intestine.  That’s me!
Stoma:
The bit of intestine that sticks out of your body.  It’s red and squishy, and if it ever stops being red and squishy, get to a hospital right the frick now.  Also it has no sensory nerve endings, so once the stitches heal after surgery it isn’t painful.  This is my stoma, in a new, clean ileostomy bag.
J-Pouch:
A couple of feet of small intestine sewn together into a pouch inside your body.  It acts like a cobbled-together, kind of janky rectum, but it gets the job done.  With a J-Pouch, you can control when you poop, but you’re still going somewhere between five and eight times a day.  I’ll go into more detail about J-pouches and my upcoming surgeries to make one in a later post.
Tylenol:
The religion I converted to after my surgery.
IBD:
Inflammatory Bowel Disease.  The two most well-known varieties of IBD are ulcerative colitis (that was me!) and Crohn’s disease.  IBD is an autoimmune disease, where the body’s own immune system starts to attack healthy tissue.  Has nothing to do with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), other than the fact that they both are in your gastrointestinal tract.  IBD comes in flares that last anywhere from days to months, with kind-of normal bowel function between flares.  Typical treatment is with corticosteroids to halt a flare, followed by immunosuppressants to keep you in remission.
Ulcerative colitis:
A disease characterized by inflammation and ulceration of the large intestine.  The most obvious symptom is frequent, bloody diarrhea.  It often happens in discreet segments of the large intestine, but I had what’s called “pancolitis,” where the entire thing is involved.  A total colectomy is the only cure.
Crohn’s disease:
Similar in a lot of ways to ulcerative colitis, but it can happen anywhere in your GI tract, from your mouth down to the anus.  Surgical removal of all or bits of various parts of the intestine can help, but until somebody invents an entire robotic digestive system, there won’t be a cure like there is for UC.
Butt:
Tuchis.
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tentativi-vani · 4 years
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Boobala Darling's Long Awaited Proposal - Part 2 Of 3 - A Short Story
Boobala is at last on the voyage that she has needed to take as long as she can remember, however up until this point, it hasn't gone that well. She's been embarrassed by the Captain, and disturbed by different visitors. To a limited extent 2, however, her journey takes an amazing turn Darling in the Franxx As Boobala pigs out on her nourishment, a tall thin respectable man by the name of Irving Levy goes into the lounge area. He is helped by his quad stick. Irving, a resigned multi year old affluent stock merchant, is known by the Captain as a result of the various excursions he takes on board the Empress Carinthia, yet since his absolute hip substitution medical procedure and broad exercise based recuperation, he had not had the option to go as much as of late, up to this point. Appreciative that the most exceedingly awful has passed, he despite everything utilizes his quad stick for help for now. Wearing a boisterous multi-striped shirt with a tie, plaid pants and ludicrous suspenders, he sees Boobala sitting without anyone else. He rearranges over to her table.
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"Reason me, is this seat taken?" he asks in a polite voice.
Boobala gets irritated as she truly didn't need him or anybody at her table. She reacts snidely, "Do you see a hold sign?"
"Why no," stammers Irving, shocked by her reaction.
Boobala looks Irving over, entertained at his outfit, however she needs to concede he is somewhat adorable. He is carefully prepped. His silver hair looks refreshingly solid. He is spotless shaven face with a flimsy mustache. She loves the sound of his voice and the aroma of his cologne.
"Not terrible, Not awful for an old person," she thinks.
"So tank are you sitting tight for, feel free to stop your Tuchis."
Irving pulls out the seat and sits at the table with Boobala. "Much obliged to you, Thank you," says Irving.
Boobala speaks harshly to him, "Okay as of now, stop with the much obliged. You're giving me a cerebral pain."
Irving goes to Boobala and presents himself, "My name is Irving Levy. May I ask, what is yours?"
"Boobala Finkenberg Darling."
"Darling,That's not a Jewish name, right? Irving inquires.
Boobala gets pissed by his numerous inquiries. She lashes out at him with an edge in her voice "Tank, would you say you are composing a book? You get some information about my private life. I don't have any acquaintance with you? My significant other was English and he was a sluggish bum. He beat me up and made my life exceptionally troubled. It was a cold marriage of seventeen years. Since he was unable to hold down a vocation, we wound up living with his Uncle Jake all through our marriage. We survived awful occasions where even a penny was viewed as cash. I worked, and he took my checks to bet. Harry kicked the bucket from a respiratory failure at age 36 in light of the fact that he owed cash to an advance shark who was going to cut him up. I ought to have tuned in to my mom, she didn't care for him, however I was so youthful thus infatuated, I stole away with him. My folks were rich, they claimed a first class apparel business in Brooklyn, yet they excluded me when I ran off with Harry. Think about what, I didn't pay for this excursion, I won it. There you go, as long as I can remember basically!" Boobala rapidly puts her hand to her mouth, stunned by what she just said to a complete outsider. It slid out like oil over water. She felt humiliated, needing the ground to open up and swallow her. She trusted the women at the other table hadn't heard. What was there about this man, caused her to feel so immediately agreeable that she proclaimed as long as she can remember to him?
Irving took a gander at Boobala with empathy and loving eyes, "The world is delightful Boobala, yet the individuals make it appalling." He was entranced by this feisty lady. Without precedent for some years, he accepted that he was infatuated. His hazel eyes sparkled as he kept on conversing with Boobala.
'What a beguiling grin,' she thought, as she saw his face. 'Pleasant dental work. At any rate his breath doesn't smell, and there are no hairs jumping out of his ears and nose.'
"I see you are a decent Jewish lady. Do you speak Yiddish?" Irving inquired.
"How might you reveal to I'm Jewish?
Irving focuses to her chest, "You're wearing a catch that says: "Kiss me I'm Jewish", in addition to it's composed all over you." Boobala looks down at her chest, grinning as she recollects Myrtle nailing the catch to her. She could in any case hear Myrtle giggling and saying: "Here Boobala, a consideration grabber. It will be an extraordinary discussion piece to assist you with meeting somebody. Mazel Tov!" she had said as she embraced her adored companion farewell.
Irving kept on speaking, "Also, you help me to remember my 'Libe Mameleh'." (Yiddish term: adored mother). He takes an enormous cloth out and wipes away tears and cleans out his nose, returning the hanky to his pocket.
In the wake of making a sound as if to speak he asks, "So let me know, did you remarry?
Boobala answers briefly not surprisingly. "Would I be here alone, on the off chance that I was hitched?"
"Apologies, I was not thinking. Simply attempting to make little discussion." he reacted.
Boobala, presently bothered, keeps on enjoying her dinner. She out of nowhere puts everything on hold to let out a burp, and says to Irving "Pass me a roll and the salt shaker if it's not too much trouble and wipe your jawline, you're spilling. "
After she completes, she gets up suddenly and leaves the lounge area region to return to her lodge, halting to buy a ticket for the land journey. Irving, then again, is so stricken by Cupid's bolt that he follows her like a lost little dog hound. Boobala stops at the photographic artist's segment to appreciate the photos taken when the travelers boarded the Empress Carinthia. She recalls her harsh trial and shouts, "They didn't snap my photo. I don't see it here."
She pivots and sees Irving behind her. 'No chance to get on earth he can be my Mr. Perfect. Those outfits and the quad stick need to go.' She is beginning to get irritated and stays away from him continually to the point of inconsiderateness. Regardless of the amount he is offended, he generally rearranges his way back to her.
Consistently they would meet in the lounge area. Boobala began to loosen up her monitor and get used to him as they became more acquainted with one another better. She was beginning to anticipate that him should appear. She truly started to like him. As a matter of fact, Irving had a fantastic comical inclination, which Boobala right away revered. He got enchanted with her grin. He was a man in adoration, and she was the lady he needed to wed. He would trust that Captain's night will propose to her.
My, my, what will occur straightaway. Will Boobala acknowledge Irving as her Prince Charming? Has Boobala discovered genuine romance? Will Boobala at last get a fantasy finishing off with her grieved life. You can just discover by perusing section 3.
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Read One False Move (Myron Bolitar #5)(2) online free by Harlan Coben
One False Move (Myron Bolitar #5)(2) Author: Harlan Coben
“Just listen to me for a second, Myron, okay? Hear me out. Brenda is a lovely girl, a wonderful basketball player—and a pain in my left tuchis. I don’t blame her. If I grew up with a father like that, I’d be a pain in the left tuchis too.”
“So her father is the problem?”
Norm made a yes-and-no gesture. “Probably.”
“So get a restraining order,” Myron said.
“Already done.”
“Then what’s the problem? Hire a private eye. If he steps within a hundred yards of her, call the cops.”
“It’s not that easy.” Norm looked out over the court. The workers involved in the shoot darted about like trapped particles under sudden heat. Myron sipped his coffee. Gourmet coffee. A year ago he never drank coffee. Then he started stopping into one of the new coffee bars that kept cropping up like bad movies on cable. Now Myron could not go through a morning without his gourmet coffee fix.
There is a fine line between a coffee break and a crack house.
“We don’t know where he is,” Norm said.
“Excuse me?”
“Her father,” Norm said. “He’s vanished. Brenda is always looking over her shoulder. She’s terrified.”
“And you think the father is a danger to her?”
“This guy is the Great Santini on steroids. He used to play ball himself. Pac Ten, I think. His name is—”
“Horace Slaughter,” Myron said.
“You know him?”
Myron nodded very slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “I know him.”
Norm studied his face. “You’re too young to have... Continuous reading: Read One False Move (Myron Bolitar #5)(2) online free by Harlan Coben
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jewishbookworld · 3 years
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A Pain in the Tuchis by Mark Reutlinger
A Pain in the Tuchis by Mark Reutlinger
Mrs. Kaplan Mysteries Combining the classic charms of Agatha Christie with the delightful humor of M. C. Beaton’s Agatha Raisin novels, Mark Reutlinger’s Mrs. Kaplan mystery series returns as a notorious crank meets an untimely fate. Yom Kippur is a day of reflection and soul searching. But at the Julius and Rebecca Cohen Home for Jewish Seniors, Vera Gold misses this opportunity to atone for…
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