#A Comedy of Manors IF

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason answered his phone in the middle of the job, the target seizing up at the sound of the ringing. Jason held up his finger, asking the man to wait.

Jason: Hello?

Alfred: Jason, I have a gun that Mas— I'm not too pleased to be dealing with him, so I'll just say Bruce found it in the laundry room and was talking my ear off about why I would need a gun in the laundry room.

Jason: For protection. We live in Gotham.

Alfred: That’s what I tried to tell him. He wouldn't listen and demanded I get rid of it. I’m not disposing of my gun to a random person or leaving it on the street.

Jason: Obviously, weapons are something I like to regift rather than sell. Unless it's a faulty gun I buy from some pathetic loser of a drug dealer— and if you crawl away again, I’m shooting you in the other leg!

Alfred: Are you working? I didn't mean to interrupt.

Jason: Technically. This person, who for the sake of this call I won't disclose their gender, is a teacher who slept with students. Plural. And I’m being generous using the word 'sleeping' but you gotta say that cause 'legal'.

Mr. Coddwell: Love is love—

Jason shot the man in the other leg, eliciting a scream. Jason snort laughed at the man's deserved pain.

Jason: One of the parents of their victims lives near me. We meet at the ShopRite a lot, her daughter... not doing great. So I'm dealing with the vermin who again, gender has not been specified. This could be a woman with a deep voice, right?

Alfred: You don't have to ask me; I'm giving you a gun even though Bruce specified to not give it to you. We never had this conversation, but I am proud you're dealing with trash like that. Let them live and suffer, prisoners despise pedophiles. Back to you, would you like the gun? You're the only one I know who uses weapons responsibly, and I've always respected that.

Jason: Aww, thanks. For those kind words, I will gladly take the gift. Can I pick it up tomorrow?

He tucked his gun into his pocket, then calmly walked over to grab a small step ladder.

Alfred: Of course. Hope you have a good day at the "park".

Jason: Oh… I’m about to.

Jason ended the call, carrying the closed steel step ladder towards the teacher as he hummed a tune from Heathers.

Jason: I wonder how many hits this will last before it breaks? Let’s find out.

Mr. Coddwell (terrified, holding up his hands): No, no, no!

Jason smirked, smacking the man hard with the ladder while shouting insults.

Jason: Bet your victims begged you to stop! How does it feel to be helpless?! Ooo, you just made me work in a song for this!

Mr. Coddwell (crying like the baby he is): NO! YOU'RE A THEATRE KID TOO!

[madame-helen]

[justaplacetodumpallmyartandstuff]

Just another day at the Wayne Manor

Audio from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4en8HbL35k&t=316s&pp=ygUZc2FtIGFuZCBtaWNrZXkgcGFuaWMgcm9vbQ%3D%3D

[animesickos]

Writer, podcaster, game developer and poster Merritt K goes guesto mode! We discuss her new visual novel, Fledgling Manor, the sick soul required to be a wicked Asymmetrical, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, the sick compulsion to play Magic the Gathering despite it sucking ass, and our nostalgia for the bygone stink of a LAN party basement. This shit is so good. Happy new year freaks

Get Merritt's game here: https://store.steampowered.com/app/3238510/Fledgling_Manor/

Here's the horrible article Merritt referenced: https://a16z.com/anime-is-eating-the-world/

[notastranger]

[celliamanor]

will i get shot if i post about my ocs here... anyways . this is vergil. i love her very much

not pictured is the parasol soul carries around literally everywhere. she uses it as a cane too for times when the wobblyness is a little too ness 🦭🦭🦭. ill draw it eventually

[nightingaletrash]

The more I think about Gorsky, the more I want a WoD sit-com where a vampire runs a business and all of his employees are supernatural creatures, but they all think they're the only supernatural weirdo and everyone else is a mortal.

Cue the Masquerade/Veil covering shenanigans as they all scramble to keep their colleagues from discovering that anything strange is afoot.

[autumncottageattic]

Relative Values is a 2000 British comedy film adaptation of the 1950s play of the same name by Noël Coward. It stars Julie Andrews, Edward Atterton, William Baldwin, Colin Firth, Stephen Fry, Sophie Thompson and Jeanne Tripplehorn

Part II

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce: Why do you have a shotgun?

Alfred: I just want to talk to her.

Alfred cocked the shotgun and made his way into Talia and Ra's Al Ghul's castle.

Bruce (slight panic): Alfred, Alfred, wait.

Alfred: I just want to talk to her.

Bruce: Alfred, it's not what you think. I regret it, but—

Alfred (tight smile): It's alright, Master Bruce. I've heard enough about her. I just want to talk to her.

Alfred shoved Ra's Al Ghul out of his way when he spotted them, Bruce following him and trying to reason with him.

Alfred (repeating the mantra): I just want to talk to her. I just want to talk to her. I just want to talk to her. I just want to shoot her. — I just want to talk to her.

Bruce: Alfred, please don't. She's the mother of my child!

Alfred: And as a grandfather, I can assure you both: I got this.

Alfred kicked in the door where Talia was having tea and aimed the gun directly at the woman's head. Talia sat up straight, her eyes darting in surprise.

Alfred: You sired a child with my boy?! What type of spell did you put on him? How dare you harm him and then let that gorgeous grandson of mine be around you and that demon you call a father?! Answer quickly because I am not going to miss my target!

Talia (saying the wrong thing): Our child was made... from love!

Alfred: WRONG ANSWER.

Bruce was quickly yanked out of the way by Ra's, who angrily tapped Alfred on the shoulder. Alfred glanced at the person, assuming it was Bruce, only to be met with a swift punch to the nose.

Ra's: I'm not happy to have a grandson who shares DNA with a man who wears a batsuit, but I'm not shooting him in the face. Put the gun down or I will actually gut you like a fish, dissect you, and store your parts in different spots in the kingdom.

Alfred placed his gun on the ground and quickly slapped Ra's in the face as retaliation. Ra's staggered back growling.

Alfred: That was for punching me and this—

Alfred backhand slapped the man as Bruce and Talia watched in shock.

Alfred: And that's my invitation to fight you.

Talia jumped in front of her father and Alfred, kicking up her leg to add some distance.

Talia: As much as you doubt our love, I swear to you, the night of passion we had together was consensual. A slip-up with the prophylactic did lead to Damian being born, but I never raped Bruce. Right, Bruce?

Bruce: She's right… Being linked to Talia isn't what I expected, but we had sex with me consenting… stupid condom.

Alfred: Oh bloody hell, the wallet condom?

Bruce held his head in shame.

Alfred: Master Bruce, I told you that wasn't a good idea. How many times do I have to teach you that petrol station condoms aren't a good choice?

Alfred walked over and gripped Bruce's ear, walking off with the man who winced from the pain.

Bruce: I'm a grown man; you're embarrassing me!

Alfred: You had a kid with a crazy woman; I am not embarrassing you!

As Alfred and Bruce walked off arguing, Ra's rubbed his cheek annoyed, then glared at Talia.

Talia (attitude): You're welcome. You got double slapped by a British war hero instead of explaining the situation.

Ra's: I don't want to think about that situation, and stop calling it a night of passion!

[kremblor]

So, I was just thinking of MASH while watching Ghosts and remembered there is an episode of MASH where Klinger is so ill he can see the spirit of a dead soldier.

So like ... now my brain is overlapping MASH and Ghosts because clearly MASH canonically had ghosts.

[discordiansamba]

it will probably be a long time before I get around to a kintsugi update, but y'all can have this snippet that's been sitting in my WIPs since (checks hand) two years ago.

"So… we meet again… my greatest nemesis." "Yun, can you stop being dramatic for five seconds and help us load the rest of the luggage?" Xia-Su asked, pulling out a pack and handing it to the servant waiting to claim it. "Nonsense," Yun said, "-I can be dramatic and help out." "Well get on it, then." Xia-Su said. "Also, doesn't boats being your greatest nemesis imply the existence of other enemies?" Zuko asked, handing a pack to Yun. "It could," Yun said cryptically, even as he accepted the pack, "-I have a life outside the manor." "Yeah," she said, a knowing grin on her face, "-I'm sure you do."

[interact-if]

Hi so I cant seem to remeber the name of this IF that's abt the MC who got like black our drunk and bought like a house in the Kentucky or some southern state and like it's rlly run down and is a farm and their bsf comes w/ them to live with them while they work to renovate everything

Hi Anon,

You might be looking for A Comedy of Manors by @sviyaginthegreat. You can find the demo here!

If that wasn't the correct title, please let us know :)

[dolphelecat]

I went to see The Play That Goes Wrong today, and it was spectacular!!

[waylon-manor-killers]

Is marrius similar to Frankenstein the creature or Frankenstein the guy

The guy!! Except he’s better because he actually loves all of his creations and doesn’t treat them like garbage :)

~Carrion

[notastranger]

[inklingofadream]

wound up watching all of the haunting of hill house the last couple days and...

so, mike flanagan isn't necessarily for me. his dialogue writing tends to be a bit too stilted for me to wholeheartedly embrace.

but... it's BAD in hill house. it's SO bad. not being shirley jackson isn't a sin. adapting it like this was going to leave me a bit cold no matter what.

but adapting it like this gives it breathing space from a novel that's a tall order for adaptation. breathing space i think is necessary both for what it's trying to do and for probably 99.9% of people asked to adapt it.

and then they put it. back in. the monologues aren't for me, but they aren't a deal breaker. and again, it isn't a sin to not be shirley jackson.

but then every so often someone reads a big chunk directly out of the book. and suddenly all the serviceable to good dialogue surrounding it burns down. even if i liked it better than i do... why would you do that to yourself?