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halsteadlover · 1 year ago

Text

Unexpected

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Female!Reader.

• Requested by @stu-machers-girl: Reader had known Jay since she’d first started as a dispatcher for Chicago. It wasn’t long until she’d developed a crush on the older man. She didn’t say anything since she realized he was dating Erin but then she left. She left and Jay got kidnapped; reader heard it over the radio. Hank texted her to say they’d found him and she left her job without saying anything and sped to the hospital. When she saw the blonde detective in the waiting room they got into a fight and reader punched her. She refused to leave the hospital until Jay woke up and laid in bed with him the entire time. When he woke up, in the heat of the moment her lips were on his in a moment.

• Warnings: slight mention of injuries and ‘violence’ (pls bear with me I can’t write fight scene not even for saving my life), cuss words. I don’t know, let me know if there’s anything else <3

• Word count: 8368.

• A/N: so yeah, I got carried away, pls don’t hate me, I think that’s the longest piece I’ve ever written 😭. I changed it up a bit at the end, I hope it’s okay. Please let me know what you think of this? I hope you’ll like it and I already apologize for any grammar error ❤️ comment, like and reblog if you want, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much for your constant support, I love you all xx

It was hard.

God, why did being in love have to be so tough?

You thought it’d be easier to control your feelings. You thought you'd be better at pretending everything was fine, pretending your heart didn't actually open into a chasm every time you even heard his name.

You thought it was just a simple crush, a simple infatuation that – knowing it couldn't go any further – it’d soon vanish. But unfortunately it wasn't easy and you soon found yourself in a spiral of suffering and thuds in your stomach. Your mind knew there would never be anything but your heart didn't want to understand it.

Falling in love with Jay wasn't planned, you’d never imagine it and you couldn't even explain how it happened or when. It's those things that just happen without any warning.

You first met Jay after your first shift as a paramedic at Molly's, where your colleagues used to meet after their shifts.

You were sitting at a table with a beer in front of you, you didn't know anyone yet – except for the colleagues you had met during the day who weren't there – and you looked around, sipping the drink from time to time, wondering when you were going to start to feel that place like home.

You moved to Chicago a month prior and it goes without saying you underestimated how difficult it’d be to start a new life in a new city, starting from scratch.

Jay had seen you from afar, looking tired and disoriented and for some reason he had decided to approach you.

When you first saw him you felt the air being cut from your chest, you didn't expect someone – someone so damn beautiful – to approach you.

That stranger you soon discovered was named Jay found himself talking with you, asking you questions about yourself and why he had never seen you before. You explained to him that you had just started working and you found out he had been a detective in the Intelligence unit for about six months.

You were never one to talk to strangers, to tell someone something about your life on the first time you met them, but for some strange reason those bright green eyes and his reassuring smile made you feel at ease, and as the evening wore by, you thanked yourself for not deciding to stay home that night.

Jay was an angel to you, literally.

After that evening he promised you he’d give you a tour of the city, making you visit the most beautiful places and taking you to the best places to eat. You exchanged numbers and he also made you promise you’d call him whenever you felt alone and wanted company.

He also introduced you to the rest of his team, as well as his closest friends, and they were just as kind and welcoming, letting you know you’d meet several times even during work shifts because of criminals and things like that.

Three years have passed since that evening and Jay kept all his promises.

Over time he became your closest friend and you spent time together whenever you both could. You had become his anchor and he had become your safe haven.

You had promised yourself over the time that your friendship would never go any further – also because Jay had never done anything that could’ve made you think otherwise – but the more time you spent together, the more you found yourself falling more and more in love with him.

You’d never tell him about it, even if it meant crying nights where you wanted to do nothing but run away and forget about him. If it was initially bearable and there was your friendship to give you strength, seeing him with another woman broke your heart more than you ever expected.

Erin was a colleague of his and you had seen their love story born right away. You'd heard Jay confide in you about her, asking you for advice on her when they were fighting, and you were there every time listening to him trying not to cry in front of him. There were times when Jay noticed that there was something wrong with you, he knew you by now, but you always managed to disengage the conversation by telling him that you were just tired from work.

You promised yourself you'd always be by his side but seeing him so happy with her… Damn it, it was so hard.

You couldn't take it anymore, you were a walking disaster and all your colleagues and friends saw how you weren't as happy and carefree as you used to be. Sylvie, who was one of your closest friends and who knew all the history with Jay, tried to always be by your side, convincing you to move on, to try to open up your world and that you didn't have to cry for him forever.

She was right, completely right.

Because of this, you had begun to distance yourself from Jay a little bit, making excuses not to go out after work or limiting interactions during the shift to the minimum possible and not speaking to him except from a professional point of view.

This broke your heart, you missed spending time with him, God how you missed him, but more than him you had to love yourself and you knew spending time with him, seeing him with another woman only would made you suffer.

Jay had immediately perceived this change but he couldn't explain why. He had tried so many times to talk to you but you didn't want to tell him what was going on and it made him particularly tense and uncomfortable.

Even Erin had noticed his moodiness and she hated to know it was because of you. She hated you were always there, in front of him, in his head, always on the way, she hated seeing how much he cared about you, she hated the way he dropped everything and ran to you whenever you needed him.

She hated you.

And, dear lord, how much you hated her too. The feelings between you and her were pretty mutual.

You didn't know it, but you had been the cause of many arguments a thousand times between them. Erin wanted him to stay away from you, Jay refused to and always told her if she really wanted him you were part of the deal, take it or leave it.

You were at home one evening, resting on the sofa after a grueling work shift while watching a movie on TV and eating some chips. Sylvie had offered you to go to some bar and get drunk but you declined, not in the mood to socialize or even drink. You just wanted to stay at home and rest, hoping that day would soon be forgotten.

The ringing of your doorbell almost made you jump and you furrowed your eyebrows, not expecting anyone at the time. You placed the bowl of chips on the coffee table in front of the sofa and got up and as you rubbed your hands on your shirt to remove the crumbs from the chips, you went towards the door.

You expected it to be Sylvie but, after looking through the peephole, your heart skipped a beat when you realized it was Jay.

“Oh god,” you muttered to yourself, glancing at your shabby outfit which consisted of a simple pair of midnight blue leggings and a gray t-shirt.

What was he doing there?

“Y/N open the door, I know you're home,” Jay's voice came muffled through the door. For a moment you considered ignoring him until he got tired of it and walked away but you knew that would never happen and he’d keep banging on the doorbell until you opened it.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down and slow down your racing heartbeat, and opened the door after removing the chain.

Jay looked up at you, his features visibly relaxing as his eyes fell on your figure. Your mouth felt dry as your gaze traveled up and down his body for an instant, as if to accept that he was fine.

“Hi,” you muttered, your voice so thin you were afraid he might not hear you. Your stomach was in a vice and a flock of butterflies had exploded inside you. A wave of heat run through your body and you were sure the flush of your cheeks was comparable to a tomato. “Come in.”

Why were you feeling so damn nervous? He was always Jay, he was always your best friend.

But the best friend I love madly, added your conscience.

Maybe you were nervous because you haven't seen him in two weeks, avoiding him like the plague.

You opened the door and moved to the side, giving him space to enter and as he passed the trail of his scent hit you full in the face making you almost faint.

I can’t do this.

Jay sat on the couch without saying anything, glancing at the TV that was still playing the movie, waiting for you to join him.

“You okay?” you asked as your eyes noticed the way his face was screwed up in a less than happy expression. You tried to avoid him yes, for your own good, but the thought something might’ve happened to him was tormenting you. He sighed deeply, rubbing his hands against his face in frustration before glancing at you.

“I don’t know to be honest,” he replied, but without elaborating further “What about you? Why did you disappear for the last couple of weeks? I texted you I don't know how many times and called you a thousand times. Did I do something wrong?”.

The crack your heart made was so loud you thought even Jay could hear it from where he sat. Your brain stopped working for a moment trying to think of a response to give him that wasn't ‘you know Jay I was avoiding you because I love you and because I hate seeing you with that snake’.

“N-no, of course not Jay how can you think that?” You replied, moving closer to him and taking his hand in yours, instantly feeling a rush of shivers running down your spine. He glanced at your clasped hands and then at you, with an expression you couldn't quite read.

“I… I don't know,” he sighed, his hand caressing the back of your hand, something he didn’t quite realize he was doing “I just… I missed you.”

If your heart was already broken, at this very moment it exploded into a thousand pieces of confetti and colors inside your chest. It was as if you had been punched in the stomach, the breath cut from your lungs. It was so good to hear him say it but so painful at the same time.

You wanted to yell at him to not to say it again, because you knew his ‘I missed you’ wasn't meant in the same way you missed him.

“I missed you too so much Jay,” you almost whispered, smiling at the same time to mask the sudden urge to cry. You let go of his hand, unable to maintain that contact anymore without your stomach doing somersaults. The absence of his warmth was immediately felt but you tried to remain as impassive as possible. “What happened? If you've come here at almost midnight it's because there's something wrong. Do you want to talk to me about it?”.

He nodded feebly, taking his gaze away from you to the ceiling. He was leaning back on the sofa, his head on it as his eyes roamed the white ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing on the planet, his hands folded on his stomach.

“Erin and I broke up.”

You’d imagined anything, a problem at work, maybe a family issue, anything else, but not the words that had just slipped from his mouth.

You couldn't hide the shock as your eyes and mouth opened wide and you even felt guilty for an instant when the only feeling you felt was… Relief, joy. “W-what? How? When? Why?” You bombarded him with questions “I'm sorry Jay,” but you weren't sorry about what had happened. You were sorry because seeing him like that was painful and you would’ve done anything to make him feel better, seeing his beautiful smile on his face.

He brought his eyes from the ceiling to yours, turning his head to the side to look at you. He didn't say anything, he just looked at you. For the second time since he came over, you couldn't read his gaze and you would’ve paid gold to know what he was thinking.

He was looking at you and you felt as if a rope had been placed around your neck and your grip tightened by the way your breath was cut in half. He looked at you with such an intensity as if he wanted to read your soul, analyzing every inch of your face at the same time and in that moment more than ever you wanted to shrink to such a point you’d disappear from his sight.

He looked at you as if he was looking at you for the first time and you felt vulnerable, exposed and while his eyes were chained to yours for an instant you feared he could find out about your feelings for him just by the was his eyes were piercing you.

It was you who looked away first, unable to maintain eye contact anymore and fearing you might say something stupid if you continued to stare at him for another few seconds.

Your heart was pounding so hard you thought it would stop any second as you kept repeating yourself to stay calm. The blush on your cheeks showed no sign of fading and you thanked God that the lights in the living room were off and that there was only the one on the TV which, however, didn't illuminate quite well your face.

The sigh Jay let out made you look up at him, noticing he was still looking at you. But when your eyes ended up on his again, he was the one to look away.

“Don’t need to be sorry,” he said simply and you nodded though he couldn't even see you, “She left.”

For the second time another wave of shock went through you and a thousand questions crossed your mind. You couldn't say you weren't sorry, you would’ve been hypocritical to say otherwise, but you wondered what the hell had happened. How did they go from being the happiest couple alive to her walking away? For what reason did she leave?

It wouldn't have surprised you at all if she was the reason for the breakup, you didn't know her well – you didn't want to – but based on what Jay told you, she had a habit of running away from every fight and problem that came up.

“She always does, doesn’t she? She will definitely come back,” you answered even as you prayed deep inside with every fiber of your being that it wouldn't happen. You knew you were selfish, he was hurting but damn it, you were human too and you couldn't mask what you didn't feel.

He shook his head slightly. “No, I don't think she will,” He lifted his head, sitting up straight and looking at you again. “And for what that matters, I don't even care if she comes back or not,” he paused again, thinking about his words “But, I don't want to talk about it.”

“Yeah sorry,” there was a moment of silence where you looked at each other again and the way he was looking at you was making your stomach twist like a contortionist “But just tell me how you are you feeling Jay, I hate seeing you like this,” and you were sincere, although you didn't like Erin, you wished nothing but happiness for Jay and seeing him like this made you feel as helpless as few other times.

“I'm fine now,” he replied and he really seemed to be sincere “Really, I feel… Relieved. I just needed to be with my best friend now. You made me worry so much you know that?”.

My best friend.

You tried to ignore the thud in your heart. “I'm really sorry Jay. It was such a hectic time between work I didn't have time for anything else. I'm sorry I wasn't around so much.”

He shook his head again, as if to tell you not to worry by smiling weakly and causing a feeling of warmth to spread through your heart. “What matters to me is that you’re okay I… I really missed you.”

The next day you went to work with the dark circles under your eyes reaching down to your feet. You only managed to sleep a couple of hours the night before, having spent most of the night talking to Jay.

God how much you loved that man.

When you were with him it was as if the world around you vanished and it didn't matter how long you lost touch or didn't speak to each other, the moment you’d meet again everything was back to the way it was before, as if time had never passed.

You found yourself talking late, losing track of time, laughing and joking as always and it was times like this that reminded you why you were in love with him. Jay didn't stop smiling even for a minute and seeing him so carefree, even if only for a while, was beautiful. He deserved to be happy, always.

You talked and talked and talked until you fell asleep on the sofa in each other's arms. Only when you opened your eyes you realized your head was resting on his chest and his arm was possessively encircling your waist. You stayed paralyzed for an instant, afraid to make any movement that might wake him up.

He must not have noticed it.

You cautiously sat up and then brought your gaze to him, letting your eyes wander over his relaxed features and you let yourself go for a moment to your fantasy. A fantasy where Jay being there next to you was normal, were you could wake up every morning in his arms as he tightly hugged you.

During your work shift you tried to keep your mind busy, focusing only on the calls and the patients you’d be treating.

Two days flew by like this, with Sylvie doing nothing but tease you about Jay after you told her what had happened. You omitted he and Erin had broken up, this wasn't about you and it wasn't your call to tell other people.

However, you hadn't heard from Jay for two days, he didn't text you or even replied to yours. Only then you understood how he must’ve felt when it was you who didn't reply to his text and you promised yourself you’d never do anything like this again.

You were scared to death because he didn't usually disappear like that, so suddenly, and given the nature of his work you couldn't help but imagine that something terrible had happened and the more time passed, the more this thesis was confirmed.

Of course, you knew he couldn't always answer the phone, and there had been other times when, for example, following an undercover operation you didn't hear from him for even a week but in those cases he did everything to warn you first, reassuring you’d see each other as soon as possible.

This time, however, you had a horrible feeling, a premonition that was sadly confirmed by Voight.

You were packing up the ambulance near the end of your shift when your cell phone rang and Sergeant Voight's name appeared on your screen. Your heart instantly skipped a beat and you instantly understood something serious must’ve happened for him to call you.

“Hello? Sarge?” you answered almost immediately.

“Hi kid,” his hoarse voice replied “I hope I’m not disturbing you. It’s about Halstead…”

You closed your eyes as if those words had caused you physical pain, as if someone had hit you in the face. All the colors disappeared from your face and anxiety twisted your stomach.

“What happened? Is he fine? Tell me he's okay please,” you spoke frantically, getting out of the ambulance and closing it “Where is he?”.

You heard Voight sigh on the other end of the phone. “He's fine now, he… He was kidnapped but we found him. We are at Med's. I wanted to tell you before you heard from someone else. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.”

You couldn't describe the horrible feeling that went through you hearing those words. It was like someone ripped your heart out of your chest clamping your lungs, you stopped breathing for a second and you didn't care how exaggerated that might be, but whatever happened to him you wished it was you on the hospital bed.

“I'll be right there,” you said and closed the call before waiting for Voight’s answer. You didn't even care about warning your boss, much less some of your colleagues watched you ran away like you were nuts, you just wanted to go to him, you just wanted to see him, make sure he was okay.

The car journey to the Med's was one of the most distressing and longest of your life. You nearly collided with other cars several times but at that moment the only thought that crossed your mind was Jay.

What had happened to him? Was it serious? Was he awake?

God please let him be okay.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. That wasn't the time to cry, to be weak, you had to be there for Jay.

You thought for a moment what would happen if… God, fuck, you didn't even want to think about it, you couldn't imagine it. You couldn't even think of not having him in your life, you couldn't imagine not being able to see him anymore, getting lost in his eyes, never hearing his laughter or seeing his radiant smile again. You couldn't even think you couldn't hug him when you were sad, stuff yourselves with food watching trash TV until a nervous breakdown.

You didn't even realize you were crying until you got to Med's and parked your car. You quickly dried your tears and ran to the hospital, where, in the waiting room, you found all of his colleagues. And by all of his colleagues, you meant everyone.

Erin Lindsay was there and her disgusted gaze was on you.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” she exclaimed approaching you threateningly. You didn't let yourself be intimidated, on the contrary, the mere tone of her voice made your blood boil in your veins. How dare she talk to you like that?

“Don't you even dare take one more step towards me. Move out to way, I’m here to see Jay,” you spat with venom as the others looked at each other unsure whether to intervene or not.

“Lindsay…” Voight called back, grabbing her arm but she jerked away from his grip, still glaring at you with contempt.

“Turn your ass and get the fuck out of here. I've had enough of you, I'm so tired of always having you around Y/N. Why don't you just understand he doesn't want you?!”.

“You seem to be very familiar with walking away and running away don't you? Isn't that what you always do huh? Avoid problems? You really got some nerve to be here after you left him,” you pointed a finger at her. “I'm not going to stand here and make you yell at me. You really want me to believe you care about him? You wouldn't even be here if he wasn’t kidnapped!”.

“I left him? Is that what he told you?” Erin let out a wry laugh “I can’t believe it. I really wonder what he saw in you. Seriously, look at yourself. You're so pathetic...”

A wave of anger shot through your body and before she could even continue her insults, your fist slammed into her face, causing her to flinch back. Everyone let out a verse of bewilderment, immediately intervening to separate you and Lindsay who were about to kill each other right then and there.

“Y/N! Fuck’s sake! Just calm down! Take it easy, it’s okay,” Kevin dragged you away, shaking you off your shoulders as if to bring you to your senses. You watched her walk away with Voight, one hand on her bleeding nose.

You knew the repercussions there would be but you couldn't care less because it felt so good. You've wanted to do this for so long, for the way she's always treated you, for the contempt she's always shown towards you.

“I'm calm, I'm okay,” you muttered, throwing your hands up in surrender and trying to ignore the pain in the hand you punched her with. “I'm sorry about this but… I have to…”

“I know that's not true,” Kevin chuckled “Go,” he nodded towards Jay's room and without having to repeat it twice you immediately went to him.

You entered the room and closed the door behind you, immediately glancing at the man lying on the bed and the sound of his heartbeats coming from the machine filled the silence.

Your heart broke into a thousand pieces as you saw his battered face, a purple bruise on his cheek, a cut on his eyebrow and and other one on the lower lip which felt deep and quite sore. But despite this he was still the most beautiful man you've ever seen in your life.

You approached him, keeping as quiet as possible in an effort not to wake him up. He almost looked like an angel while he slept, as if nothing could hurt or disturb him at that moment.

You placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it with such delicacy and lightness you were almost uncertain of the contact. Your fingers ran through his hair, a gesture you knew he loved and made him relaxed.

Your eyes traveled down his chest and only then you noticed the white bandage that wrapped around his chest. You tried to keep from crying. You hated it, you hated he was suffering, you hated you weren't there with him to help him. Your heart was tightened even more as you noticed red marks on his wrists, some superficial and some a little deeper, a sign that he had been tied up.

“What have they done to you?” You whispered and your eyes were on his face again, continuing to run your fingers gently through his hair. “I'm so sorry Jay.”

You didn't know exactly what you were apologizing for, you just did.

You stayed next to him for an indefinite amount of time, you didn't look at the time but you understood that hours had passed when the sunlight was replaced by the darkness of the night.

Will tried to convince you to go home and rest and that he’d call you for any news but you refused, you didn't want Jay to wake up alone in that cold hospital room. You knew how much he loathed them and you wanted him to see a friendly face as soon as he opened his eyes.

The attempt of Jay's team was also useless, when they understood you’d never leave until he woke up, they recommended you to update them on any changes.

You spent hours sitting on a chair next to his bed until you too were asleep, your arms resting on Jay's legs.

When he opened his eyes he found himself plunged into darkness if it hadn't been for the dim light from the hospital chandelier. It didn't take him long to remember what had happened, what had led him to be there. He tried to stand up but an excruciating pain shot through his chest, forcing him to lay down again.

This and also the sleeping figure in front of him.

A small smile was born on his swollen lips as he watched you sleep sitting on the chair that seemed anything but comfortable. How long have you been there?

He raised a hand and didn't even have time to rest it on your arm before you snapped sitting, looking around panicked for a moment. Your eyes widened to see Jay in front of you with his eyes finally open and the joy you felt in that moment was like nothing else you've ever felt.

“Jay! Thank God you're awake!” You exclaimed and in the joy of the moment you hugged him, squeezing him harder than you should’ve and letting a small cry of pain escape him “Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you,” you pulled away from him “How are you feeling? Are you okay? Should I call Will?”.

Jay shook his head slightly, a small smile on his lips. “I am fine. Where is the bed remote control? I need to sit up.”

You quickly grabbed the remote from the nightstand next to the bed and handed it to him, watching as the back of the bed lifted and he settled into position so he could finally take a good look at you. “Come here, why are you so far away?” He patted the mattress and you didn't let yourself repeat it twice, sitting next to him.

“Voight called me…” you were the first to speak “But he didn't tell me what happened.”

Jay let out a sigh, flinching as a pain shot through his chest. “It was an undercover mission, nothing too difficult. I was supposed to exchange the money with the drugs and then arrest them. Easy,” he explained, “I don’t know how but someone of them found out I was a cop so they kidnapped me and as you can see they beat me up for the holidays.”

Your eyes filled with tears but that time you couldn't hold them back. You felt a whirlwind of emotions, fear, happiness, anxiety, relief and it was too much for you to hold back and you lowered your gaze to not let him see you.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jay's voice came as a sweet melody to your ears “Please don't cry Y/N, I don’t like seeing you like this. It's okay now, I'm fine, it's going to take a lot longer for you to get rid of me,” he attempted to reassure you. “Come here darling.” His hands pulled you close as his arms wrapped around you in a warm hug. You hugged him back, being careful not to hurt him further, and let yourself go into a liberating cry, so grateful you still had the opportunity to be able to do this.

His lips kissed your cheek and your heart leapt in your chest at the contact.

God Jay you're killing me.

“I'm so sorry Jay, you shouldn't be the one to comfort me now,” you murmured, pulling away from the hug, still looking down. You grabbed a tissue off the top of the nightstand and wiped away your tears, still shaken from everything that had happened. You felt so selfish at the same time Jay was on a hospital bed and you were the desperate one.

“Y/N don't even say that as a joke. Look at me, please.”

You did as he told you and your eyes met his, triggering a sensation that was like being kicked in the stomach.

“I'm fine, okay? These are just bruises, they hurt but they will go away. I wish I could tell you it's the last time but I can't, it will happen again but I want you to know I’ll always find a way back to you, okay? I won't leave you alone.”

His words were like a snake venom and antidote at the same time.

“Jay… Please…” you whispered, tears still flowing from your eyes “Don't do this to me.”

A confused expression appeared on his face. “What do you mean?”.

You shook your head, as if trying to tell him it didn't mean anything. “I just… I was so scared Jay…I thought about losing you…”

Jay reached for your hand but a frown appeared on his face as he noticed, despite the dim lights, the swelling on it. “Y/N what the hell is this? What happened to you? Why is your hand like this?”.

Shit.

You withdrew your hand, moving your fingers slightly but not showing how sore it was. You had never thrown a punch before and never imagined how painful it was. “Nothing. I closed my hand in the car door on the way here, it's no big deal.”

You knew he’d never buy this excuse but it was worth a try.

“Do you really think I’m that stupid? Tell me the truth. Did someone hurt you?”.

You sighed. “You’ll hate me.”

Jay looked at you like you just sprouted a second head, really confused. “What? Why on earth should I hate you?”.

“I punched Erin,” you blurted out so quickly, wishing he hadn't heard you but when you saw his eyes widen so wide they almost popped out of their socket, you knew he definitely did.

“What? You really did it? Seriously?” He struggled to imagine that you could do something like that, you’d never hurt even a fly. “Why? Why happened?”.

“She started saying bad things to me and I got so mad so I just… Punched her,” you sighed “I didn't even realize it… I know I shouldn't have…”

Jay was silent for a moment, still unable to believe what you had just said. He knew there was bad blood between you and his ex-girlfriend but he never imagined you’d even punch her but he also knew, without any shadow of a doubt, that if you had come this far it was because you had a reason to.

“You hate me now right?”.

He shook his head. “Absolutely not Y/N. I mean, I don't like the idea of you going around punching people but I guess you had your reasons.”

You thought back to Erin's words and that was enough to make you angry again. She deserved it all right and you don't regret it even a bit.

“She's still your ex girlfriend…”

“I know.”

You noticed the way his expression didn't change a bit at the mention of her, he had no reaction. He was more worried about your hand then her. “You don’t care she was here?”.

He remained silent for a moment, observing you for a few moments and then shook his head slightly. “Not one bit, I told I wouldn’t care if she came back. I know it's a bad thing to say, but that's how it is.”

“But you were together until a few days ago how can you not care?” You were so confused.

“I’m the one broke up with her, after all. I think it's normal.”

It wasn’t but still.

It was your turn to widen your eyes and mouth in shock. Did you hear that right?

“What? Really?! I thought she was the one who left you.”

You never expected it, you really thought sue was the one who suddenly left him and not the other way around. You had so many questions to ask him but you didn't know whether to ask him or not, after all it was none of your business.

He nodded. “It wasn't fair to just go on with that relationship, not for me or for her.”

“And why’s that?” you asked, afraid to hear the answer. Your eyes were fixed on him and even with that little light they managed to shine and stand out. Your heart was pounding so hard you thought you were having a heart attack at any moment, the air suddenly became tense and every cell in your body seemed to be on fire.

“I…” he spoke “I have someone else in mind.”

Your pounding heart stopped for an instant and the thump in your stomach was such that you felt like you were about to throw up.

“Oh.”

That was all you could say. You tried to keep your expression neutral as if these short simple words hadn't hit you full in the face like a lorry. Being run over would’ve probably hurt less.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, biting the insides of your cheeks and pressing nails against your palms to avoid crying in front of him again.

You couldn't believe it, or rather, yes, you could believe it but you didn't imagine it would hurt so much. You couldn’t believe it was happening again. It was like Erin all over again.

Oh god no please, I can’t do this.

You wondered who she was. Was she someone you knew? He had never mentioned someone else yet you two talked about everything. Or almost everything.

You looked down rubbing your hands on your pants before standing up and walking over to the nightstand. Jay followed your movements with his eyes, watching you pour water into a glass before drinking it in one gulp.

“Do you want some?” you asked him, but without looking at him and keeping your eyes on the glass

“Yes, thank you,” he replied confused “Y/N… Are you okay?”.

“Sure,” you babbled as you grabbed another glass and poured some water into it. You handed it to him, never meeting his eyes. You couldn't look at him, not at the time. If you had done it you would’ve collapsed and you couldn't in front of him, you didn't want to.

He drank the water and the dryness in his throat finally went away, feeling suddenly better. He continued to look at you, noting how your head was turned towards the window.

“Y/N… Can you look at me please? What’s going on?” he pressed confused on your sudden change of mood.

You turned to him and gave him a quick glance, noticing the empty plastic cup in his hands. “Do you want some more?” You asked feebly as you reached up to him to take your glass but before you could pull away he grabbed your wrists, his grip both firm and delicate at the same time. You jumped, not expecting it, dropping the plastic glass on the floor.

“Look at me,” he urged but you refused, your eyes watering and the lump in your throat increasingly suffocating. A solitary tear slid down your cheek as he placed his thumb and forefinger under your chin, lifting your head and forcing you to look at him.

“Y/N talk to me please,” he whispered and his tone was so soft it was enough to send you over the edge. You lost control and started crying. He pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your body as best as he could.

“No… Just let me go...” you muttered through your tears, trying to escape his grip. You couldn't do this, it was too much for you, too much to bear. You just wanted to run away in that moment, to be away from him.

“Shh, it's okay darling, it's okay. I'm here with you, I'm not going anywhere,” he whispered in your ear as his hand stroked your back in an attempt to cheer you up. But he couldn't do it.

This was all so paradoxical. He was the only person on earth able to understand you, to make you feel better with a single hug and with the mere presence of him and it was paradoxical because, at the same time, he was also the cause of your suffering.

“N-no Jay…” you stammered, pulling away from his embrace “Please let me go. Don't do this to me. Stop doing this to me...”

You stood up and walked away from him, wiping your tears with the backs of your hands. “I can't take it anymore Jay, I can't do this again.”

“Doing what? Y/N please come here. Talk to me,” he begged you.

Is he serious?

You shook your head and wordlessly walked to the door to leave, but when you heard movement behind you you whirled around to see Jay taking off the covers from his body and climbing out of bed.

“What are you doing? No! Get back to bed,” you ordered, your cheeks still wet with tears, running towards him when his feet hit the ground and tried to get up. He grabbed your wrists again, pulling you towards him and placing you between his legs. “Jay…”

“Tell me what's going on and I'll let you go,” his voice was firm and decisive and his tone hinted he’d live up to his words even if it meant trudging all the way out of the hospital.

“Jay for fuck’s sake why can’t you just understand? You really don't see it? You really can’t see I can’t take all of this anymore? You really can't see how much I fucking love you and how much I care about you! I can't do it anymore Jay, I really tried with Erin… I tried to help you, to be supportive… I tried but I can't take it a second time… I can’t…” You blurted out in the heat of the moment but slapped your mouth with your hands as soon as you realized what you had just said. You wished a hole would open in the ground and the earth would swallow you alive.

Jay was looking at you as if he had just seen a ghost and the silence that had invaded the room was almost deafening. You didn't expect an answer, you knew he wouldn't say anything, but God it was so still painful.

“Y/N… I…” he stammered, speechless.

“Jay… Don't worry, seriously,” you interjected trying to keep your composure even if you were feeling a storm inside “I know you don't feel the same and it's fine, I'm sorry for telling you like this…” you croaked, your voice broken by tears “But now it's better if I go... You need to rest.”

The grip around your wrists loosened and you took the opportunity to free yourself away. You took a few steps back, your heart heavy as Jay continued to stare at you petrified.

You were about to leave when, suddenly and against all your expectations, you felt a hand on your arm that made you turn around and a pair of lips pressed against yours.

Your eyes widened in shock as your mind tried to process what was happening. Time seemed to stop and even though his lips were touching yours so lightly it felt like they were just caressing each other, it was as if a storm had hit you full blown.

That kiss was light, sweet, as if he was testing your reaction but when you closed your eyes and returned it, that lightness was immediately replaced by the determination with which his mouth moved against yours.

His hands were on your face as you both let go and for an instant you forgot about everything around you, that you were in a hospital room, that a minute ago you had confessed his love for him. You wanted that kiss for so long. For so long you watched him from a distance and imagined what it would be like to have his lips on yours and now that you were really feeling it, god, it felt like heaven.

No image created in your mind could compare to the flock of butterflies flying in your stomach, to the feeling that kiss made you experience.

It was like thunder hit you, like an explosion of rainbows, like being electrocuted, like being burned alive.

You wanted so badly to find the right words to describe what you felt but you just couldn't.

Jay slid his fingers from your cheeks through your hair, deepening the kiss more and more, forgetting the wound on his lip and all the pains that coursed through his body. Your hands clenched the hospital gown he wore into a fist, being careful not to touch him even though your mind was completely racing.

He was kissing you fervently now, passionately, as if his life depended on it, as if he wanted to suck your soul out of your body. And that was exactly how you felt. If you didn't know him better, you would’ve said he was kissing you as if he too had wanted it for a long time, as if he was trying to vent all the frustration that had accumulated over time.

When you pulled away you were both out of breath like after a marathon. His hands stroked your hair before brushing your cheeks as his thumbs traced imaginary circles on your skin. His nose kept brushing yours and you didn't know how you managed to stand, your legs feeling like jelly.

“You didn't ask me who she is,” he whispered and if he wasn't already hurt you probably would’ve punched him. How could he say such a thing? How could he kiss you and then say that?

“Jay what the fuck...” you tried to walk away but he interrupted you.

“Ask me Y/N. Ask me who’s the person I always have in my mind. Who is the woman I left Erin for.” His eyes kept alternating between yours and your lips trembling and flushed and a little swollen from that impetuous kiss.

“Fuck you! No, I don't want to know! How can you say this!”.

“Shh,” he smiled slightly as his thumb traced the outline of your lips. How could he smile in such a situation and be so heartless? “Please Y/N. Trust me. Ask me.”

“You are such an asshole Jay, I can't believe this…”

“It's you,” he cut you off again and you froze, not believing you heard right.

“W-what?”.

“It’s you. You’re the person who’s constantly on my mind, you are the one who invades my thoughts from the moment I wake up in the morning until I close my eyes at night. I couldn't continue with her, I tried, I tried to ignore it, but you were always there in front of me, always in my head even when you weren't there,” he confessed “When I realized you were the one I want, that it was you who made my heart beat more than anyone else ever did… Fuck, I can’t even talk with you looking at me like this,” he stopped, pressing his fingers on your skin, as if to vent the built up tension.

“I realized it was you when the thought of losing you terrified more than I could even admit, when seeing her didn’t make me turn my stomach or lose my breath like it happen with you,” he paused, taking a small breath, winching at the pain “I didn't know what to do, how to behave with you, I didn't know if you felt the same and I didn't want to risk ruining our friendship and losing you, I preferred a thousand times to have you only as a friend than not to have you at all in life. But, shit, I love you too so much you stupid…” he sighed, his confession heavy in the air and at that point the tears flowed like rivers down your cheeks which he quickly wiped away with his thumbs “It was always you, always and only you and I’m so sorry i realized it so late, I’m so sorry I didn’t realize how you were feeling and made you suffer like that, I will never forgive myself for that. I don't want to see you cry anymore, I don't want to see a single tear come out of these beautiful eyes again, okay? I'm yours Y/N, if you want me I'll be forever and irrevocably yours.”

You didn't know what to say.

You didn't know what to do.

You have never been in such a state of total shock like in that moment.

A thousand questions crossed your mind but you couldn't find an answer to any of them.

“Jay,” you exhaled in frustration, still crying “I don't want to suffer, I don't want to go to sleep crying anymore, I'm so tired of this. I can't… I love you, god, how much I love you. You… You make me lose my mind, my heart goes crazy for you but I also know I don't want to suffer and even if I'm in love I don't want to keep my eyes closed and be naive,” you spoke, your eyes locked in his “You just got out of a relationship and I don't want to think I'm a rebound…”

“But you're not baby, I swear you will never be. You are all I want…” he urged “I left her because I want you Y/N.”

“Jay this doubt won’t make me live peacefully. The moment I’ll be in a relationship with you, I want us to start it without interruption, without risks, without fears, without ghosts of the past,” you retorted “You can’t imagine how many times I wished for this to happen, more than you’ll ever know, but I don’t want it to be like this, not when you got out of a relationship two days ago.”

“Then I'll prove it to you, I promise Y/N. I want you, only you, forever. I understand you're scared and I promise I'll do anything to make this fear go away, I promise I'll do everything in my power to make you happy. I don't want to give up on you, not now that I know you feel the same. God I'd let you get into my head just to show you how much every single one of my thoughts are directed only and solely towards you.” He pulled your hands away from your cheeks just so he could intertwine his fingers with yours, bringing your hands up to your lips and kissing both of them, you eyes piercing your soul with their intensity.

“You’ll be mine, that's a promise.”

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randyortonofficial · 2 years ago

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title: we’re not built for relationships (just each other) (click here to be taken to the ao3 version) pairing: randy orton/cody rhodes word count: 8368 description: It's been two years since Cody left WWE, and coincidentally, two years since he saw Randy Orton. When Randy suddenly calls Cody one day asking to catch up over dinner, the both of them have to address all the unfinished business they left behind.

There were a lot of nerves announcing All In.

It’s the first wrestling event outside of WWE to be held in such a high regard but Cody is ambitious and he’s been working nonstop at all of this ever since he left WWE a couple years ago. Every day, he thinks about how he can increase the stock of his name and every day, he wonders how he can improve, how he can better himself not just professionally, but in his personal life as well.

Even then, however, the All In event is his baby. This is the chance to show everyone what wrestling is truly capable of and showcase those stars that don’t want to relinquish themselves to the bland, uninspiring world of sports entertainment that is World Wrestling Entertainment, at least in Cody’s words. This is a big fucking deal for everyone, but especially Cody.

One phone call from Randy Orton, however, makes all those nerves he had about All In seem very insignificant.

“What’s up, Codeman?”

Cody sighs and rolls his eyes. “You know I hate that name,” he murmurs.

“All the more reason to call you it.”

Cody and Randy have been best friends for a long time. Even if they haven’t met up in person since Cody’s left WWE, the both of them have just been busy, Cody moreso, and that’s okay. Life happens, and Cody doesn’t get in his feelings about it, not anymore. He’s older now, smarter now, and more in control himself. They’ve still tweeted at each other and texted and what not, and it’s always fine when they do.

“You never call people. What’s wrong? Your back finally gave out to the billions of RKO’s you gave?”

“Not yet,” Randy tells him. “Hopefully never.”

“So what’s going on?”

“I’m in town. We should catch up.”

Though there is a reason why they haven’t met up in person since Cody’s left WWE.

Cody bites at his lip and looks over to Brandi on the couch. With a deep breath, he begins to walk away from the kitchen and out into their backyard, big and beautiful under a beautiful, sunny day to really top it off. “What uh, what did you have in mind?”

“Just get dinner? Talk? It’s been like, what, two years?” Randy chuckles. “C’mon, I wanna see you.”

“Random question and totally unrelated,” Cody says, “but how are you and Kim?”

“She’s good. Taking care of me since I injured my shoulder, but I wanted to give her a break so I decided to come to Florida-”

“By yourself?”

“Hotel room and all.”

The adrenaline in Cody’s soul lights up all over to send flares of heat throughout, because Randy is in Cody’s state alone and he’s in a hotel room-

“Just um.” Cody swallows and shoves a hand into the pocket of his sweats to dig his nails into his thigh. “Just the two of us at dinner?”

“We’ll go to a nice steakhouse. Remember when we went to Stonewood-”

“Grill and Tavern,” Cody finishes quickly. “Yeah, was uh, that the plan?”

“You in? You all in, I should say.”

Cody’s mind is telling him no.

He absolutely should not go out to see Randy under any circumstances. He should stay here at home with his beautiful girlfriend and their adorable dogs, far far away from any temptation that Randy is very good at instilling with one look from those steel blue eyes. There’s a reason why he hasn’t been alone with Randy since he left WWE, and following that, why he left WWE.

It would be a terrible idea to see him alone at a restaurant and talk.

Randy doesn’t just want to talk. He’s Randy fucking Orton, he hates talking.

Cody knows all of this logically. He knows this is the smart choice to make.

So he’s incredibly upset with himself when he says, “sure. See you at like, 7?”

“Sounds good. See you in a few hours.”

After saying their goodbyes, Cody shoves his phone into the pocket of his sweats before plopping himself down into the nearby chair and running his hands down his face. His hands clasp together right in front of his nose and mouth and his fingers tap against each other as he stares out into the backyard he and Brandi have helped cultivate together. He takes a deep breath before closing his eyes.

He needs to calm that adrenaline coursing through him. It’s just dinner, and he can control himself. He’s moved on, and Randy has married Kim since then. They’re like, super totally official now so maybe it really is just best friends catching up.

This is what Cody tells himself, but deep down in the part of his mind he’s tried so hard to shut out, he knows their business is unfinished.

Cody can’t keep lying to himself when he sees Randy walking towards their table, in black pants and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and a rare, genuine smile spread across his lips.

“Suits really are all you wear now, huh?” Randy laughs and spreads out his arms. “C’mon, it’s been awhile.”

He forces a chuckle as he stands up from the booth to let Randy pull him in with those big, strong arms. Despite himself, Cody is easily relaxing into him, eyes falling shut and his hold on Randy tightening. The scent of Randy’s cologne, a Saint Laurent cologne Cody had bought him a few years ago, stabs Cody right in the heart but Randy soothes it when he murmurs into his ear, “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” Cody breathes. “I missed you too.”

Randy gives Cody a squeeze before he pulls away for them to look into each other’s eyes, though their hands stay on each other’s shoulders. The smile is no longer on his face, but he’s rather contemplative as he looks Cody over in his outfit; blue suit vest and pants, a white button up, and a yellow tie. It gives Cody time to do an appraisal of his own but he come to the conclusion that he always does, which is that Randy is fucking sexy in absolutely anything and it was stupid to pretend otherwise.

“You look good.” Randy nods and lets go of Cody to shove his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I like that uh, you wear suits all the time now,” he chuckles.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Cody awkwardly clasps his hands in front. “Black’s always been your color and don’t say it’s because your soul is black-”

“Damn, you really do know me, huh?”

“That doesn’t change just because we haven’t seen each other in a few years.”

“Just surprised. Haven’t found someone that’s known me like you.” Randy bites at his lip and looks up at Cody with wide eyes. “Besides Kim-”

“Goes without saying.” Cody nods politely. “Yeah. um… should we sit?”

“That’s a good idea.”

They both slide into the booth on opposite sides to begin looking through their menus. Cody had their drinks ordered before Randy arrived, so they sip them as they read through the options, though Cody already knows what he wants. He’s just afraid to look up to Randy’s eyes staring back at him and see something in them that’ll just lead further into that pesky temptation Randy is so good at instilling.

While Randy hasn’t let being in a relationship stop him, Cody being in his own relationship does.

“So just dinner, right?” Cody asks. “Just don’t think our respective significant others want us out so late,” he forces a chuckle. “Congrats on tying the knot with Kim, by the way. Don’t think I ever gave my kudos.”

“Thanks, man,” Randy chuckles as he leans back into the booth with those big arms crossed over his chest. “She’s a lucky woman, and I’m a lucky man. Um,” he clears his throat, “But how’s life been with you? What are you up to these days?”

Cody knows Randy knows, but he also knows Randy is just trying to make polite conversation and it’s better that then talk about anything deeper. However, he would have thought Randy would want to go on and on about his wife.

But Randy is just like that sometimes.

“Yeah, uh, life’s been good.” Cody nods and moves his eyes to the other page, though he’s not paying any real attention. “I’ve been making a pretty good name for myself on the indies, and attaching myself to the Bullet Club definitely helps,” he chuckles. “That really raised my stock, and, you know, now I’m running my own show with them and-”

“Just like your dad.” Randy smiles. “He’d be really proud of you.”

Cody swallows. He bites at his lip before setting down the menu and clasping his hands on top the table. “Thank you,” he says just above a whisper.

“Like, you really have come so far. I was pretty upset when you left WWE but to see you thrive and like, do your own thing and make a name for yourself, like you said, it’s great to see you succeeding.”

“Yeah.” Cody nods. “And uh, I was born to be like, a WWE guy, so it’s cool to get away from it and set myself apart. Really develop my skills better.”

“You’re really living up to your potential. You think you might like, come back to WWE at all later down the line? Some guys do that, get better in the indies and then come back to WWE and it’s like, Vince and everyone has so much more respect-”

“I’m good with where I am right now.” Cody quirks a grin and looks up to Randy, though his eyes take a quick detour to those big, tattooed arms that he can still vividly remember being wrapped around him, or beside him, or holding him down, and that’s when Cody takes a long, long sip of his water because he really needs to quell that thirst.

Randy does too.

“Um.” Cody licks his lips. “I mean, I guess you can never say never though? I dunno, but the Bullet Club is treating me right and I think we have a lot to offer. Also, like, my girlfriend - Brandi? You remember Brandi, right?”

“Ring announcer?”

“Yeah. She wants to make a name for herself too and I wanna help her with that. More than anything though, I wanna see All In to the end,” he chuckles before sighing and running his hands down his face. “God, that’s been all I think about. I want it to go well so fucking bad and I’m fucking relieved we sold out all our tickets-”

“Half an hour, right?” Randy smirks. “Fucking impressive.”

“Was not expecting it.” Cody shakes his head. “But that means expectations are high and we both know that wrestling fans can be so fickle over the weirdest shit.”

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

“Are you seriously quoting Dr. Seuss?”

“It was good advice. I’m not questioning where good advice comes from.”

“What’s the saying? Consider the source?”

“A children’s book author? Yeah, I’d say I trust the source.”

“Is that something you do a lot? Read children’s books?”

“I am a dad…” Randy smirks then and tilts his head to look Cody over again. “And if you can believe it, others consider me a daddy.”

For a few seconds, his heart is pounding. His breath is caught in his chest, and all he can think about is how easy it would be to fall back into their old habits and to just kiss him like they never ever stopped. That name brings Cody all the way back to the start, to the night where their friendship changed forever, to which it would then progress every day until they’d lay in each other’s arms and talk about their hopes, their fears, and their deepest desires despite their relationships with other people.

Every day spent thinking about each other, every night spent with their names falling from the other’s lips, and every second taking risks and letting their hearts take over while their heads play catch up.

Cody swallows heavily and sets his hands to his sides. He digs his fingers into his thighs and clenches his jaw before giving Randy his attention again. “You know what happens when we meet up,” he says quietly. “Did you really wanna catch up, or is there something more to this?”

That confident facade of Randy’s falls completely as they lock eyes for what feels like an eternity. Though the world is busy around them, they might as well be the only two people in this restaurant. Cody can only see Randy, smell Randy, and hear him, and the rest is a blur he can’t even comprehend.

Randy takes in a deep breath before breathing out, “I missed you.” He rolls his lips back between his teeth and after letting go, he says, in a slightly wavering voice, “I just - I needed to see you.”

It's both everything and nothing Cody ever wanted to hear. He knows how badly he desires Randy, but he also knows that desire is an all consuming fire that wrecks everything in their path. What they have is so intensely passionate that nothing else compares, but he's-

"I miss you too," he breathes out in admission. "But you're married," Cody reminds him quietly. "And I'm..." He takes in a shuddering breath. "I'm dating Brandi. Randy, we - we were hooking up behind Kim’s back before you married her," he chuckles humorlessly and bites at his lip before looking down to the table. "I just - Randy, what we were doing - what we had, that’s…” He shakes his head, and after a few moments, he looks back to Randy. “That’s not something we can do forever, it’s - it’s not feasible-”

“Cody, I want you to be happy,” Randy tells him, low and quiet. “I really do. You deserve the best, and you deserve it all, I want you to have everything, but… Cody, man, I can’t help it.” He shakes his head and bites his lip. “I still want you, and I want this, we’re - it’s a compulsion, we’re like magnets-”

“So why did you get married then?” Cody asks. “Why did you marry Kim if you still want me?”

“She was easy?” Randy huffs out a breath and runs his hands down his face. “It was - it was the easiest option, it was the safest choice-”

"The easiest option," Cody repeats in a humorless chuckle, and he has to shake his head to himself at the sheer audacity of Randy saying that to him. “You don’t even love her?”

“I do, I just don’t think I love her enough.”

He's always known Randy has had rocky times with his love life. Hell, this is his second marriage after his divorce in 2013, and that divorce was what led to him and Cody hooking up in the first place, so yeah, Cody is well aware of his tumultuous love life and how much Randy likes easy and safe. Cody just took solace in the fact that he never had to experience the tumultuous nature of it, not until he did.

"So, um, why wasn't I easy?" Cody looks back to him. "Or safe, like you always used to say? Or when uh, you've told me before that I know you better than anyone else? What about us, Randy, isn't easy or safe?" He almost spits the words out.

Randy’s eyes canvas all of Cody’s face and he clenches his jaw seeing the betrayal that’s etched all over. His tongue pokes around the inside of his cheek as he hangs his head, now unable to meet Cody’s gaze as he shakes his head. “I don’t know, Cody,” he says quietly. “I don’t - I don’t…” Randy bites hard at his lip now before closing his eyes. “Look, do we have to do this here? Can’t we talk privately?”

“So we can do it all over again?” Cody’s grin is bitter. “You uh, take me back and you fuck me into the bed, y-you tell me all the sweetest things in the world, a-about how you wanna be with me, and take care of me, that nobody can ever feel the way I do and that I’m special and one of a kind,” he wipes at his wet eyes, “before taking me into your arms and holding me close, and telling me that, th-that you want to do this forever just to stay with her?” his voice cracks as he gasps out, his grin having fallen completely. “And then we go back to being friends, l-like you didn’t just pour out your heart to me the night before?”

“I know I fucked up, Cody,” Randy breathes out before opening his eyes. “And I… I’ve spent so much time thinking about that. The last thing I’ve ever wanted was to hurt you-”

“I would’ve gave you everything,” Cody whispers as he shakes his head. “I would’ve done it so quick, Randy-”

“I know, man,” his voice shakes a little as he looks up to Cody, his eyes wet. “Seriously, we can’t talk about this here, all of this, and us, we deserve a place to like, actually talk about this, don’t we?”

Cody swallows and looks off to the side. His hand comes up to stroke down his tie while he thinks on that, because he supposes a conversation with his best friend about the weird thing they had a few years ago is worth a private discussion so they can say how they feel with no watching eyes.

But it also means they’ll be alone, and they know what happens whenever they’re alone together. It’s like Randy said - it’s like a compulsion, like magnets.

Grabbing hard at his tie, Cody clarifies, “you said you had a hotel room?”

“Yeah. I’m here for a few days.”

“How’d you get here?”

“Took an Uber.”

There’s silence for a few moments. Then, with a deep breath and against the voices in his head screaming no, Cody takes out his wallet to drop a bill onto the table and tells him, “we’ll take my car there.”

The ride back was uncomfortably silent with the tension that weighed heavily in the air, but thankfully, the hotel is close by. The hotel room itself is as big as a small one bedroom apartment. The main area is large with a huge flat screen TV, there’s a wet bar by the spacious kitchen, and Cody can see into the private bedroom with the large king bed.

Hopefully, it’ll end up there-

Cody immediately slams his eyes shut and scrunches his face before running his hands back through his hair. “Do you have anything to drink-”

“Something sweet? Maybe with strawberries?”

He can’t help the fond breath through his nose at the mention of his favorite drink choice. “Preferably,” he mumbles. “Think I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol for this conversation.”

“Probably a good idea,” Randy sighs as he goes over to begin pouring their drinks. “Where do you wanna sit? The couch? My bed? My lap?”

Cody opens his eyes to glare over at Randy. “How do you have the audacity to make jokes after what we said at the restaurant?”

“I was just trying to-”

“Lighten the mood to take away from the years of pain you’ve given me? We’re long past that point now. There’re no amount of jokes or special entendres you can make to distract from that, y-you led me on for years, Randy, you led me on behind Kim’s back-”

“I’m in love with you.”

“- and you made me think that what we were doing was going to go somewhere and…” Cody stops then as Randy hands him his drink and furrows his eyebrows, eyes wandering all over the floor before he glares up at Randy again. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Randy glares back at him. “I just fucking told you I’m in love with you-”

“You can’t just drop that information, Randy!” Cody’s voice raises. “You can’t casually tell me in the middle of me telling you how you hurt me that… that you’re…” He closes his mouth and swallows before looking the other way and shaking his head. “You can’t do that,” he whispers. “You can’t fucking do that.”

It’s completely unfair. It’s too late. It cuts off his train of thought and forces him to focus on the fact that, apparently, Randy is in love with him and takes him away completely from the very real and harsh reality that Randy had led him on for so long, did all of this wonderful, amazing stuff with him just to go back home to someone else’s arms.

What’s the point then, of doing all that stuff with him, if it doesn’t lead them to each other at the end of the day?

Randy sighs and looks down to the floor. He places his hands on his hips, fingers tapping against them before he begins to turn to head into the bedroom. “Cody, I’m - I’m not the best at this-”

“What, fucking communicating like a normal person?” Cody says before taking a long sip of his drink and he follows Randy into the room. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

“I… yeah, you know what, that’s exactly it.” He sips his drink before setting it on the nightstand and runs his hands down his face. “And I’m sorry, Cody. I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am, okay? Look, ever since you left WWE, I had a lot of time to think about shit, about the past and the future and everything in between, and when you’re alone with yourself and your thoughts, you like - I figured it out, my feelings for you.”

“Great.” Cody nods. “You’re two years too late, but I am so glad you figured it out after leading me on-”

“I wasn’t trying!” Randy’s voice raises as he steps closer. “Cody, I swear I wasn’t - I’m sorry if that’s how it felt. Okay? If it felt like I was leading you on for it to go nowhere. But you, Cody - and us - it was…” He bites at his lip and looks up to the ceiling. “Fuck.” He shakes his head. “It was too good to be true sometimes,” he quietly admits. “Everything we had, it - it was great, it…” He breathes out a chuckle. “Fuck, it was perfect, but that’s just it, it was perfect, and - honestly, again, it was too good to be true a-and I didn’t think I deserved that.” He looks back down to Cody then and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t think I deserved you, Cody and… I-I know I hurt you. I hurt you a lot, and I was worried fucking sick calling you up today because I had no idea how you’d react, and I understand if you hate me and if you want, i-if you want nothing to do with me.” Randy presses a hand at his eye and looks down at the wetness on his fingers before wiping his hand off on his shirt. “But I can’t not tell you.”

He had always dreamed of Randy telling him all of this. It was his wildest fantasy next to reliving that crazy vacation they took together in 2015, so this should be all Cody has ever wanted. Here Randy is, finally confessing his love for him and telling Cody that he doesn’t deserve him, that what they had was perfect but then, it’s the exact thing Cody didn’t want to hear.

Because he spent all this time away from WWE trying to get over Randy, and he did.

He did get over Randy.

Upon hearing Randy’s confession, however, he realizes that is not the case at all.

He’s never been over Randy.

He’s pissed that he’s never been over him, has only told himself that he was over him, but he’s more pissed that after everything was said and done with, he doesn’t hate Randy.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

He only loves him, and he hates himself for it, hates himself for being so into Randy and everything about him and how badly he’s under Randy’s spell. Always has, always will.

Cody sets his drink down on the nightstand before stepping closer and looking into Randy’s eyes with his own, even wetter than his. “You can’t just do that,” he gasps out. “You can’t decide to… what, tell me you’re in love with me? After all this time? What, like, d-do you wanna date me? When you’re still married to her? You married her, Randy, right after I left-”

“I’d drop her for you in a second, Cody,” Randy tells him so quick and firm. “I would-”

“You think that’s reassuring?” Cody scoffs.

“What’s the problem?”

“If you can drop her so quick for me, what’s gonna stop you from dropping me for someone else?”

The silence is deafening as they continue to stare at each other. The hurt in Cody’s eyes is heavier than the confusion in Randy’s, and the thoughts in their head are going a mile a second, desperately trying to figure out what to reply with or to add on, because what the fuck are they now? They could tell themselves, in the time between, that everything was fine and they were still friends, pretend that what they did was just good fun, but it’s so hard to deny when they’re with each other.

When they’re alone together, the whole world ceases to be as well as any rational thought.

When Randy hasn’t responded after a minute, Cody takes his drink to slam it back before slamming it down on the nightstand. “I’m gonna go-”

“You’re leaving?”

“Randy, I can’t do this with you-”

“I can’t do this without you, please-”

“You’re not in love with me,” he scoffs as he opens the bedroom door. “You’ve never even been into me-”

“Don’t you dare.”

Cody clenches his jaw as Randy’s arm moves forward to close the door in front of him, his hand firm on it to keep it shut. With a deep breath, he turns to face Randy and his body sort of hunches on itself seeing his eyes, which once held confusion and is now holding pain.

“Don’t tell me how I feel about you,” Randy tells him, quiet but low. “I’ll tell you how sorry I am about everything until I’m six feet under, I will, I will do it every single fucking day if I have to, Cody, but don’t you fucking dare tell me I’m not in love with you.”

“What happens if we date then?” Cody asks. “You break up with Kim and date me. Would you let the world know you have a boyfriend? Would you take me out and show me off like you do with her?”

“Yes, Cody!” Randy answers. “I would, I would do every fucking thing for you!”

“You said that all the other times too. Why is it different this time?”

“I didn’t know I was in love with you those times, Cody, but I know now, I fucking realize now, and I’m trying to make up for all that lost time and make it right-”

“What makes you think I’d even want that with you?”

“Shut the fuck up, man,” Randy scoffs and rolls his eyes as he backs away from Cody to run his hands down his face. “Cody, Cody, Cody, I know you do-”

“Cause you know me so well, right?”

“Yes!” Randy exclaims as he throws his hands in the air. “I do! If you didn’t want me, want this, you wouldn’t have agreed to go out with me, let alone come back to my fucking hotel room-”

“I was curious,” Cody mumbles. “I wanted to know wh-why you wanted to talk-”

“You said it yourself, Cody, you know what happens when we meet up. You know exactly what happens.” Randy narrows his eyes. “You can’t lie to me.”

“And you can’t just come to me on your schedule,” Cody tells him with venom dripping off his words. “It’s all about you, Randy, it’s always about you and what you want, if you don’t want a relationship then it doesn’t happen, but if you do, it has to happen right now-”

“We both want each other, what’s the problem?”

“I left because of you!” Cody shouts out at him.

Randy’s eyes roam all over Cody’s face as his lips form into a slight frown. “What?” he almost whispers.

“I left WWE because of you!” Cody shouts again. “I-It was because of Stardust a-and all that creative stuff, but it was also because of you, Randy! I wanted you and I wanted you so bad, I wanted us to be together and I wanted to be yours and I wanted you to be mine,” his voice cracks, “and you’d always give me hope, every single fucking time we met up, just for nothing to fucking happen! Nothing ever fucking happened, it was always the same, it was always the same!” he sobs out. “I loved you, Randy! I loved you so much and I couldn’t do it anymore! I moved on, I tried to move on with someone new because I-I have more respect than to just - just be that pretty boy you get with to escape reality and live in some bullshit fantasy world with!”

At the end of it, there’s tears, plural, running down Randy’s cheeks and it might be a surprise to anyone else, but with all the nights they’ve had together, after and before hooking up, Cody knows how capable Randy is of that. Everytime though, it never fails to tear at Cody’s heartstrings, regardless of the reason.

Randy swallows heavily as he steps back towards Cody. He reaches out for his hand but Cody swats it away. He reaches out again, but Cody repeats the action, though Cody doesn’t move an inch when Randy places his hands on his cheeks to guide their watery gazes into each other. His thumbs caress Cody’s cheeks, as loving as ever, and Cody’s sobbing starts to quiet down the longer he feels Randy’s sensual touch, for the first time in a long, long while.

“Listen to me, Cody,” he whispers through his tears. “I love you. I would do anything for you and I’m not going to screw that up again. I figured out what it was like these past years to be without you and I can’t do that again.” Randy shakes his head and sniffs. “I can’t do any of this without you. I need you, Cody, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner, I am so fucking sorry but I know better now and I’m not gonna make the same mistake again. You’re all I need, Cody, just you. Not Kim, not anyone else, just you.”

“How do I know you mean it?” Cody asks, almost whining as he does it.

“I wish I had an answer to that,” Randy chuckles humorlessly and bites at his lip. “I wish I could show you or tell you something that would make you trust me like you did before, but I know I’m gonna have to work to get that back. A-And I can do that, Cody, I don’t care what it takes, I-I’ll do the work to make you trust me again, I promise.” He removes a hand to wipe at his cheeks and then Cody’s. “It’s going to be you and me, Cody, it’ll always be you and me.”

“It’ll always be you and me, Codes.”

Cody stares at Randy for a few moments before chuckling. “You don’t mean that-”

“I do.” Randy brings up a hand to cup Cody’s cheek. “I think, no matter what happens and… wherever our relationship goes, it’s always going to be you and me.”

“And your girlfriend is okay with that?”

Randy rolls his eyes with a small smile. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It doesn’t matter anyways, I - what you and I have, it’s so different then it is with me and Kim.”

“How so?”

Randy looks over Cody’s face, from those beautiful baby blue eyes to those plush pink lips, before quietly telling him, “what we have is realer than anything I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Y-You’re just saying that,” Cody chuckles nervously. “Like - I… Randy, that’s a big thing to tell someone-”

“I know…” He smiles and huffs a fond breath through his nose. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, and I mean everything I say with you, Cody, I… everything is so easy with you. Everything is safe with you. You’re like, you’re fucking special, man, and I wanna do this shit forever. Don’t you feel like that?”

Cody relaxes entirely against his side. He brings his hand up to Randy’s cheek and as his eyes dip to Randy’s lips, he tells him with no hesitation, “absolutely.”

That was the night their relationship went past the point of no return.

The confusion starts and ends with, “it’ll always be you and me.”

“Randy, you better fucking mean it,” Cody says as he shakes his head. “If you do this shit to me again-”

“You can cut me off completely.”

Cody sniffs as he looks back up into his eyes. He gasps out as his hands fall to grip Randy’s collar. “I love you, Randy,” he tells him. “I love you so much-”

“You have me now.” Randy takes a deep breath and lets his gaze dip to Cody’s lips. “You’ll always have me, I promise.”

“You really promise?”

As Randy presses their foreheads together, he promises him, “always.”

Their breaths ghost so hotly against each other’s lips as they breathe out, and Cody can feel himself becoming more lightheaded and dizzy with Randy’s presence all over. The warmth of his hands on his cheeks, the familiar, intoxicating aroma of his cologne, and the firmness of his body under his desperate fingertips.

He’s never wanted someone so bad before in his life. Never needed someone the way he needs Randy, not now and not ever. It will never be the same, and as Randy guides Cody’s head to the side to lick into his mouth to take him, Cody gives up his entire heart for Randy to take too, and whatever else Randy wants - forever and until the end of time.

They kiss like no time has been lost and immediately, they pick back up from where they left off, the shattered pieces of their heart that was broken apart on the floor coming together again with each second their lips move together. They have all the time in the world, not just tonight but every other night ahead. It’s no longer a fantasy, no longer empty platitudes said with hopeful tones, but a reality that will stay true.

Nobody has ever known him like Randy. Cody has a done a great job over the years at putting together a carefully constructed caricature that lets people think they know him and all that he is, but it’s still an act, still a way to keep the private sides of him hidden to the people who don’t have the privilege of doing so, people that aren’t Randy Orton. Only Randy knows him at his worst and still continues to want him, to be with him, and that street goes two ways.

Because they’re not built for relationships with other people, they never were; only built for each other.

Cody’s hands roam down over Randy’s body, big and firm as ever, and back up over his shoulders. They run down his strong, tattooed arms, fingers pressing into his muscles that he loves so much, and as Randy lowers his hands from Cody’s face, he takes Cody’s hands in his own to intertwine their fingers. He squeezes Cody’s hands as he holds them up in between their bodies, the action letting Cody know that this is real, that this is a promise he means, and he won’t make the same mistakes again.

Their lips drag away so slowly, neither of them wanting to be apart from each other for even a second after being apart for years. They’re both desperate to keep this going and take this to the next level, remind the other that they belong to each other, were made for each other, as their bodies become one with another once more.

Their eyes lid open to look up to each other. There are glimmers of the future lighting up not only their eyes, but their bodies, and they can’t help but to steal one more kiss, and another, and another after that before they pull away to finally, and really, get their air back. They breathe in slow and deep together as they look at each other again.

“I’m gonna take good care of you, Cody,” Randy whispers. “Every single night.”

As he walks them backwards to the bed, their lips are back on each other, though their hands are quick to take them to where they want to go. Cody begins to unbutton Randy’s shirt and Randy’s hands are quick, skillful the way they undo Cody’s tie before unbuttoning his suit vest. Cody pushes Randy’s shirt off his shoulders and Randy shrugs it off completely before helping Cody remove his shirt and vest. Suddenly then, he’s grabbing Cody’s hips to turn him around to press him down onto the bed, lips attacking Cody’s neck while he palms him through his pants.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Cody whimpers as he brings a hand to the back of Randy’s head. “Missed you so bad-”

“Missed you so fucking much, never missed anyone like I have with you,” Randy breathes out. “Mind if I mark you up?”

“Please.”

Then Randy is latching his teeth onto Cody’s neck and Cody’s eyes roll into the back of his head as he lets out a loud moan into the room.

He can think about how to deal with it later, can think about how to tell Brandi that they’re done and he’s sorry but he just can’t do it anymore, that he really did love her but he’s always loved Randy, he did then, he does now, and he always will, and it’s not fair to keep them together knowing that.

Randy is worth it. He’s worth everything.

Cody moans with each mark Randy leaves on his neck. He’s drowning in the feeling of Randy’s ravaging mouth that he sort of tunes out everything else, and it’s only when he feels cool air settling on his hard cock that he realizes Randy has pulled down his pants entirely. He lids his eyes open and looks down to see Randy brushing his lips down his chest. Randy then begins to press kisses down his abs, over his belly button, and as his hands grip onto Cody’s hips, he’s looking up into Cody’s eyes right as he flickers out his tongue to taste the precome beading from the tip and Cody would be more embarrassed by the noise he just made if it wasn’t Randy, but it is and Randy has seen all of Cody, at this point, so he’s absolutely shameless.

“Don’t hold back from me, baby,” Randy’s voice rumbles as he tilts his head. “Let me know how good I’m making you feel.”

Then he’s closing his eyes to press a suckling kiss to Cody’s tip. He leaves a trail of them down his shaft, and the further down he gets, the further down his hands move until he’s got his hands clutching tightly onto Cody’s thighs. Randy’s tongue sticks out to circle Cody’s hole, lapping at it before it begins its trail back up, over his balls, and the suckling kisses return on the way up his shaft, Cody moaning and thrusting against his mouth all the while.

It wasn’t often that Randy sucked him off, not because he didn’t want to, but because he always got Cody off with his cock and Cody was always so needy for him more often than not. On nights like this, however, where they’re feeling sentimental and in need of exploring that side with each other, it’s greatly appreciated.

Randy is such a thoughtful lover too, far more than people give him credit for. Cody imagines he doesn’t do that for just anyone, because he is still Randy Orton and feelings and emotions aren’t something he partakes in, but he does it with Cody and that’s what matters, that’s all that will matter now that they’re back in each other’s arms.

When Randy takes him into his mouth, he can’t take much. Cody’s the only man he’s been with, and he’s not going to be able to match Cody’s skills in that department, but he more than makes up for it with the attention he gives him. His hand comes around to touch what his mouth can’t take, and he’s quite an expert with his tongue, letting it curl around him, press at him, lick at him, and after a few minutes, Randy begins the lovely process of opening Cody up.

Thank fucking god.

So he drags his lips off from Cody’s cock to run them down his shaft, past his balls, to begin licking at his hole again. His hand gently pumps Cody as he licks him open, fingers of his other hand grazing over Cody’s thigh, along his ass, until the pads of his fingers are tracing the rim of his entrance.

“I’m gonna make you feel great, I promise,” Randy tells him. “Better than I ever have, and I’m gonna fuck you every night I’m here-”

“Do you promise?” Cody moans. “You’re gonna keep me in here? Make me feel good?”

“Until you only remember my name,” he grumbles. “And until I only remember yours, Cody.”

Cody gasps out when Randy pushes the first finger in and throws his head back with another moan as Randy quickly moves it in and out, his tongue still working alongside it. Cody’s hands grip hard at the sheets beside him to wring them between his fingers, and he tugs at them as Randy continues. He pulls at the sheets, he keeps making the prettiest noises into the bedroom as Randy adds another finger, and then another, until he sounds absolutely broken. Afterwards, he’ll have a bit of decency to be embarrassed by how desperate he sounds, but then, that desperation is what Randy likes so much anyways, always has and always will, especially when he himself is so desperate. It makes him go harder with fingering him open, makes him mouth more at Cody’s opening to get it super slick with his spit, and makes him moan against Cody before, finally, pulling his three fingers out to spank him.

With a whimper, Cody brings his head up enough to watch Randy stand up between his legs. He’s drowning under the dark intent of Randy’s gaze and he can only lie there, seemingly helpless as Randy takes his time undoing his pants. Randy swipes his tongue out along his lips as he drags his belt out from the loops, holding it up in the air for a few moments before dropping it onto the floor, the metal of the buckle sounding with the collision.

Cody couldn’t say a word right now if he wanted. He’s wrought with an urgent need for the man in front of him and can’t think beyond Randy, can’t look or smell or feel beyond Randy, because his desire for him is all consuming and withers away any sense of rational being left.

Right now, Randy is heaven. He is ruin. He is everything.

He manages a long, loud whine as Randy’s thickness enters his view. He moves himself back on the bed and pushes up on his arms to watch Randy jerk himself off, all while Randy looks him over. Randy groans out as he knees up on the bed between Cody’s legs and his other hand comes down to grip Cody’s knee hard, his gaze still dragging over every inch of Cody’s exposed skin.

“Fucking perfect, Cody,” he whispers. “Always so good for me, always look so fucking good.” Randy bites his lip hard as he squeezes his length. “Can’t believe how long it’s been… you ready for it?”

“Please,” Cody begs. “Randy, please, I can’t wait for you anymore, I don’t wanna wait for you anymore-”

“I know.” Randy nods and looks up to Cody before leaning in. “Neither do I, baby.”

He seals their lips together in a short, but promising kiss, one that assures Cody, once again, that this is real and he will not make the same mistakes again, and he drags his lips away so slow before leaning back to reach for the lube conveniently within the nightstand. Cody’s eyes are trained on Randy’s cock as he drizzles the lube over, as he strokes it all over, even as Randy spreads apart his legs at his thighs with those big, strong hands to be right back where he belongs.

Randy guides himself to Cody’s opening and he’s leaning over him to press their foreheads together. His breath is hot against his lips, Cody’s breath is hot against his, and they’re breathing in each other’s air as Randy begins to push into him, for the very first time in a long awhile. When Cody gasps out, Randy moves a hand into his hair to guide Cody’s lips back onto his as he gives Cody all of him, every single inch, and drinks in all the pretty moans Cody makes into his mouth all the while.

It could be too much, were it anyone else, but there can never be too much of Randy, only not enough.

Randy drags himself out to the tip before slamming back into him to make Cody gasp out against his lips once more. He does it again, and again, Cody’s gasps becoming louder until he’s moaning out, and then Randy is fucking into him with consistent in-and-out motions, hand still in Cody’s hair with the other hand at Cody’s side to keep himself up.

“Thought I’d never have this again, Cody,” Randy breathes out as he looks down between their joined bodies to watch Cody take him. “I can’t believe I get to have you again, I can’t fucking believe it-”

Cody moans, “you get to have me whenever you want.” His hands grip at Randy’s shoulders and his fingers press down hard into his skin. “Just - I want to be yours, I want to be the only one, Randy-”

“You will, I promise.” Randy steals another kiss from him. “It’s just gonna be me and you from now on.”

“What’s gonna happen? With you and her?”

“When I get back, I’m gonna end it. Tell her I can’t do this anymore, that it’s not working, that I fucking love you-”

“You’d do that?”

“I would, and I don’t fucking care what she’s gonna do, because you’re the only thing I care about.”

Randy doesn’t even need to ask Cody what’s going to happen with him and Brandi, because they both already knew that Cody was going to drop her for him, but in case Randy didn’t, Cody tells him, “I only care about you, Randy, it’ll be me and you, just me and you, it is over with me and her, I promise-”

“I know.” Randy nods and moves his hands to cup Cody’s cheeks as he lowers his body onto his, Cody’s hands dragging away from his shoulders to grab the hands on his cheeks. “I know you’d do anything for me, just like I’d do anything for you, because I love you, Cody, you love me, we love each other, and it’s just us, okay?”

“Fuck, I love you so much.”

They take each other’s lips again and this time, they’re able to unleash all that passion that’s been building up over the past few years. The taste of sin is so pertinent on their tongues but it’s never been sweeter, so profound, and the more they taste, the more they want. They’re practically breathing into each other’s lungs now, and each breath is another thought that lets the other know they still care, that they have always cared for one another and everything else was just a distraction from what really mattered.

They both invoke such heavy pleasure within each other in their shared climax that can never be reached with anyone else. The other’s name falls from their lips so quiet, but so heavy and full of love, of yearning, and afterwards, they’re panting against the other’s lips and just barely do they open their eyes to stare at each other in the warm and sensuous afterglow.

While their business is still unfinished, and they have a lot more to discuss before officially ending the night, the silence afterwards is comfortable as Randy coaxes Cody into his side to snuggle close. Even though they now have each other forever, that truth still hasn't settled in yet, so Randy holds Cody tight to his body, as close as he can, as Cody’s face presses deep into Randy’s neck to fully immerse himself in Randy again.

In that time apart, they have been living in the same dream put together of all their shared memories. Every night wondering what would happen if they took that chance to sweep the other off their feet, if all of that fabricated pillow talk had meant something more, but they don’t need to wonder anymore. They don’t need to stay awake at night getting so lost within the debilitating thoughts in their head of what could have happened between them.

No longer does tension fill the air, but rather hope for the bright future ahead of them. They aren’t ships passing in the night anymore, no, they have found their way back to each other, because they were built for each other; forever and until the end of time.

#candy #my fics #this one is ANGSTY everyone #but a happy ending #because i NEED a happy ending #takes place in june 2018

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