#7 weeks pregnant scared of miscarriage

[hopkinrx]

How To Deal With Pregnancy Scare? Symptoms And Causes

How To Deal With Pregnancy Scare? Symptoms And CausesIntroductionWhat is a Pregnancy Scare?Symptoms Of Pregnancy ScareCauses of Pregnancy ScareUnprotected IntercourseIrregular Menstrual CyclesContraceptive MishapsLack of EducationHow to Manage a Pregnancy Scare?How to deal with positive pregnancy results?Dealing With AnxietyPractice Relaxation TechniquesSeek Emotional SupportProfessional…

[0mg-bird]

Something Positive- S. Reid

Spencer Reid x Fem Agent Reader

Summary: 99 negative things and 1 positive. How will it ever turn out okay?

Warnings: season 7, mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy fear, nausea, mention of miscarriage talks, Spencer being scared and probably says the wrong things 😭 anyway, fluffy, but also depressing themes. I haven’t finished proofreading, oops lol idc.

You’re supposed to know your body and every little change it makes because, well, it’s your body.

So blame this all on your brain that often skips over the small things that it should really pay attention to. You could have suspected this earlier if you would’ve just slowed down for two seconds, but what difference would it make if you came to the conclusion earlier?

Absolutely none.

The test in your hand would still be positive and you would still have the feeling you do now.

A mixture of fear and devastation.

Spencer isn’t in the apartment you just moved into a month ago, he’s at Rossi’s with the rest of the team like you’re supposed to be. But you played the flu card and forced him to go without you. Then you forced yourself to the corner store and bought two pregnancy tests, a back up for good measure. It isn’t needed, the two lines are almost bold as they stare at you. The dates of the calendar back it up, as well as the queasiness about you.

You’re pregnant.

You. You are pregnant.

That can’t be.

You throw away the test, all the evidence goes into the trash and you try to calm your racing heart. You wash your hands and your face, though tears just keep falling no matter what.

This really wasn’t supposed to happen, it shouldn’t be happening. You’re traveling so often for cases, and there’s so much going on with the team. Emily just came back from the dead, literally, that’s already too much to deal with, you don’t need to add anymore stress to the team. You’re no help if you’re pregnant.

Spencer won’t be any help either if his main concern is you.

Staring at your reflection, you suddenly don’t feel real. You rub your eyes and push your hair back, overwhelmed with so many feelings, you can’t distinguish one from the other.

You do know one feeling from the rest.

The urge to bolt.

Blame the hormones, but you quickly leave the bathroom and slip into a pair of shoes, then grab for your coat and keys, and just like that, you’re gone.

Wandering aimlessly, you suck the evening air into your lungs as you walk the streets, past shops and people with different lives. You’re lost in thought, no better than a zombie as you continue to wipe your eyes.

It took you and Spencer long enough to even get together, you just finished placing your things in his apartment, there’s no room for a crib. He has far too many books, he’d have to sacrifice even more space for things a baby needs. The both of you work odd hours and sleep in bad motel rooms and fly all over the country and get shot at. You aren’t an expert but that doesn’t seem healthy.

There is no room for a baby in your life. Period.

The team has only experienced pregnancy with JJ and-

JJ.

Your friend who would know exactly what to do and how to help, the friend you have given the cold shoulder to ever since you found out that she let you mourn Emily, your best friend, for weeks and weeks. She let you cry and talk about how hard things have been for and Spencer, especially Spencer, and she didn’t say a single thing that she knew Emily was okay.

You have a feeling of bitterness now to join your emotion smoothie.

Up ahead, you see a tired mother trying to pull her crying toddler out of a drugstore. Her hair is tied up, she’s tugging at the child, giving up on arguing with him.

You turn around and decide home is actually where you need to be so you don’t vomit up your nerves in public.

When Spencer comes home, you’re sitting at the bottom of the tub, cheek to your knees as the spray of the shower hits you from above. You hear him take off his shoes and coat and walk to the bedroom, more than likely changing. He’s definitely tired.

He knocks on the bathroom door, checking on you.

“Hey, you feeling alright, angel?”

You sigh. He’s so perfect, arguably the best thing that’s ever happened in your life, and you’re going to ruin him with this news.

“I’ll be out in a second.” You call back, smoothing your hands over your hair, then look at the rings on your fingers.

Sliding one from your right hand to your left, you decide your ring finger just is going to stay bare.

“They missed you tonight, Emily said that you call her first if you need anything.” Spencer says as you rub lotion into your skin while sitting on the edge of the bed.

You hum.

“I think she’s just overcompensating, but she means well.” He claims, pulling the covers back.

You can’t tell him tonight, it’s not the right time. Instead you’ll just get some sleep, laying on your side, facing the window. As Spencer lays behind you, you push away his hand that splays on your stomach.

He goes a little stiff with confusion, but holds your hip without question, then whispers he loves you, like he does every night.

You live out a routine for the next following days to come. You wake up tired, you tell Spencer that you never get over the flu easily and that’s why you have the urge to throw up at any given second. When you’re tired of laying on the couch, you go back to work where everyone shares a look at how moody you can be.

“Is everything…okay?”

You look up from the evidence photos to find Hotch.

Most of the team is out all over the town you just got in, trying to solve the disappearance of three young girls.

Hotch suggested you stay at the police station with him for a while, giving Spencer some air after you snapped at him for no apparent reason.

“Everything’s fine.” You say, looking back down at the crime scene pictures.

“Is everything alright with you and Reid?” He pushes.

“Yes, we’re fine. I just hate it when he hovers, drives me crazy.” You huff, not giving him your attention.

Hotch had always been a sort of father to you. Almost like how Gideon was a mentor to Spencer, Hotch tried his hardest not to act like it but he was always very protective of you. No one could really blame him, he helped you through many things over the years, and along the way he became your family. So it makes sense that he’s questioning you now with a furrowed brow.

“I want you to know that if something is going on and you felt like you were alone…you aren’t. The whole team would move mountains for you.” He says in a very fatherly tone, a tone that has always seemed to affect you but never in the way it does now.

You quickly blink away tears and nod. “I just don’t feel well, but I’ll be okay.”

It’s quiet for a moment, and as Hotch looks you over, he proves how good of a profiler he really is. Slowly, he sits at the table and takes the papers from your hand, which is probably good, you’ve been staring at them for too long. Your eyes lift up to him.

“Does Reid know?”

Three words, and you want to flee.

“No.” You say hoarsely.

He nods in understanding. “This isn’t something you can do alone, but I understand if you need some time away to figure things out.”

You wrap your arms around your stomach, something you’ve been doing subconsciously. “This is my job.” You say.

“And it’s really stressful, so if you need some downtime, I’m glad to give it to you.”

Nodding, you understand. “Don’t tell anyone.” You ask of him, knowing he’d never betray you like that.

For two moments, you have a sense of peace.

And then Spencer and Morgan return, causing you to slip a mask back on and pretend you’re fine.

By some miracle, you get through the case and get home without any problems. Spencer on the other hand is convinced that you’re going through a mental break.

“Still tired?” He asks gently, at the end of the week, sitting on the bed and rubbing your leg as you bury yourself in the comforter.

You wordlessly nod, then try to sort out your thoughts.

“Baby?” He calls softly, a name he hardly ever calls you. “I think we should take you to a doctor.”

“Why?” You croak.

You know why. Spencer thinks you’re depressed, which you can’t really blame him, you’ve been laying in bed most of the day, turning your nose up at the idea of food, knowing it will all just make you feel sick. Your boyfriend is a great profiler, he notices your odd behavior these past couple days but he still can’t figure out why.

“I’m…I think they can tell you what’s wrong with you- not that anything is wrong with you but…there’s something wrong, isn’t there?”

Bless him and his softness he unconditionally shows you, but you just don’t have it in you to match his tenderness.

“I’m fine.” You state, tone not meaning it.

Before he can deny it and rub your leg again, you sit up too quickly and flee him, foolishly thinking he’ll stay put. Spencer is a golden retriever, though, so he follows loyally, only for the bathroom door to be slammed in his face.

“I’m concerned about you, okay?” He calls, voice muffled through the wood. “And I get scared when you just brush it off, brush me off.”

You stand at the sink, head drooped. The tears start slow, they fall into the basin. What was wrong with you? You have a man as good as Spencer and you’re ruining everything.

You fall into a dangerous storm of negative thoughts, all aimed at you like it’s target practice. The tears fall much quicker now, hot and sticky, your hand presses to your mouth to keep the sobs away.

Spencer hears you squeak, and immediately opens the door you should have locked.

You turn to face him, dropping the hand to your stomach.

His features twist into something of sadness and utter concern, he’s standing in front of you in just two steps.

“What is it?” He questions, holding your face in his hands, thumbs wiping at your tears. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?”

You can’t. You have to say it but you can’t.

A breath shutters through you and you shake your head. “Spence.”

“I’m right here, it’s alright.” He promises, so adamant that he can help.

“I…”

“Just breathe-”

“I’m pregnant.”

You’ve never seen him stop talking so fast. His mouth hangs open for a moment, then it closes.

All the years you’ve known Spencer, he’s never been at a loss for words. He’s trying so hard to just say something and he can’t. Maybe it’s the fear in your eyes that has him drawing a blank, maybe it’s the fact that he’s come up with ninety nine possibilities and this is the one he didn’t imagine.

“Okay.” He says after a heavy silence. “Okay, that’s, well it’s definitely something.”

Your tears don’t stop, in fact they might just fall heavier now.

He’s mad- no, he’s upset. He doesn’t want this and now everything is ruined. Your fears are coming true.

You pull his hands from his face, then brush past him.

He calls your name. “Wait, I don’t mean it like that. I just didn’t think about this, I haven’t planned for this yet.”

You pull one of his sweatshirts on and slide into your sneakers, not bothering with the laces before you slip from the apartment with a sense of deja vu, vanishing just like that.

- - - -

You’re not even sure how you got here, you’re sure you look like a wreck, but it’s too late to turn back now.

The door opens and JJ’s face morphs into confusion.

“Hey, Jay.” You try to smile, but when she opens the door wider and pulls you inside so quickly, it’s hard to maintain a composure.

You ramble, she lets you. For ten straight minutes you go on and on about everything, because you’ve had all of these thoughts bottled up and now you resemble something of a ship sinking beneath the waves. You apologize, you’re so sorrowful and tell her how wrong you are for saying all the hurtful things you said to her. She sits beside you on her couch while Will is upstairs with Henry. At some point she starts crying too because that’s what best friends do when their other half is saying she doesn’t know what to do. By the end of the confession and rant, you physically can’t cry anymore and your nose is red, face splotchy, and you just look at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Slowly, she takes your hand and says your name, grounding you.

“No one is going to say this to you so I will.” She says. “You’re not a monster for being scared.”

Your lungs exhale and she continues.

“But all of these concerns are just anxiety, they aren’t real. You can still do your job, the team won’t hate you, you are capable of doing this, life isn’t going to fall apart.”

She’s so sure, you’re practically forced to believe her.

“Spencer.” You mumble, watching as she takes a breath and nods like she knows.

“Reid is…Reid has the highest IQ and still doesn’t know the right thing to say. But this is news you sprung on him and he’s never had to deal with this sort of thing. He’s scared too.” She reminds, a little more honest with her words now that you’ve calmed down.

Just as you open your mouth to say something, her phone rings from its spot on the coffee table.

She squeezes your knee and grabs for it.

“It’s Spencer.” She says before answering it.

You can’t hear exactly all the words he says, but based off JJ’s reaction, he’s clearly panicked.

“Spencer- hey, slow down. It’s okay. No, she’s here with me. She’s fine.”

You feel guilty, so incredibly guilty. You left your cell in the apartment, not bothering to bring it with you, and the idea of Spencer freaking out because he has no way of reaching you, has your stomach churning.

Or maybe it’s the fact you’re starving.

Canons of your self destruction fire off at yourself, you’re sitting with your head hung as JJ talks him down. This wasn’t her job, this was yours. He’s your partner.

What are you doing?

As she hangs up, she gives you look, knowing you’re already heading for the door.

“Be easy on him, okay?” She says, squeezing your shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright.”

What a simple thing for her to say and a not so simple thing to do.

You go home, trying to rehearse conversations in your head. Surely, you look odd on the subway, whispering to yourself, trying to anticipate what Spencer will say. A few people shuffle off at a stop, and the seat across from you opens up. A woman takes it, she has a baby wrapped in a sling, it’s napping with its head on her bust and when she pulls the cover back, you can see it’s perfect round head. She gently strokes its fuzzy, brown hair and hushes it softly when it stirs.

Maybe life wouldn’t be so bad if that were you, feeling your child’s warmth.

When you get to the front door of your apartment, you take in one final breath and decide you can face the music.

You open the door, kick off your shoes and are immediately feel the rug getting yanked out from under you.

“You can’t just storm out!” Spencer says rather loudly, giving the reaction you didn’t want. “And leaving your phone here? Giving me no way to reach you? I called everyone!”

He’s angry.

“I was with JJ.” You say softly.

“Well, I know that now.” He huffs.

Shrugging off your coat, you gently approach.

“I’m sorry I worried you, please don’t shout.”

At your meek tone, Spencer immediately softens, scorning himself for being abrasive. He runs his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes, trying to get himself back in check.

“I’m sorry. Can- can we just sit down and talk about this, please?” He asks, moving to sit on the worn couch.

After a second, you follow.

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He wants to reach out and touch you, but given the way you seem to shrink into yourself, he just rubs his knees over and over again.

“How long have you known?” He asks, though he has some estimates.

You slowly breathe out. “A couple weeks.”

His lungs burn. A couple weeks?

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your fingernails dig into your palms. “I was scared…I’m still scared.” And all that work to avoid his eye, you finally meet that puppy dog look of his and immediately break down.

You just can’t seem to stop crying. Why are you crying all the time?

“I’m so scared, Spencer, I’m so scared.” You shudder out, and those hands he awkwardly kept to himself are now pulling you to him, cradling your head to his chest and putting your legs in his lap.

“Hey, I know, I know. And I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I made it worse, I’m sorry.” He whispers into your hair before moving his lips to your forehead. “I was surprised is all.”

“You aren’t mad at me?” You tremble, gripping his shirt. Never in your life have you been this clingy, and if the circumstances were different, you’d be embarrassed by this child like behavior. Spencer doesn’t mind it at all, he’s holding you like he’s the glue keeping you together.

“I’m not mad. I’m a little sad you didn’t tell me sooner, but I’m not mad. Why would I be mad at you?”

With his fingers in your hair, you take a few quick breaths. “I ruined everything.” You say as a cry.

He hates those words that just came out of your mouth.

Spencer shifts, pulling back to look at your face, red and tear streaked.

“Hey.” He coos. “You haven’t ruined anything, sweetheart, don’t even think that.”

Sniffling and wiping your eyes, you shake your head. “My career is over, the team is going to be inconvenienced, and you- you’re never going to be able to do your job the same. All the work you’ve done, it’s just ruined, I’ve done this to you.”

He cups your damp cheek. “Stop, stop. Listen to me, can you do that?”

You shut your mouth and nod.

“Good.” He says. “Now, you haven’t done anything wrong. It takes two to tango, yeah? The team is going to be elated, Penelope is going to throw this biggest party ever. We worked it out when JJ had Henry, we can do it again.”

There’s a way he can say all these things and it just makes sense in your mind. You nod along, this makes him smile.

“And as for me..” He tucks hair behind your ear. “I would give up all my degrees, I’d throw away all the progress and work I’ve done if it meant the only thing I had in my life was you and a baby that’s my own.”

You love him. You’ve never loved him more than you do now, in this moment, starving and crying and so scared. That’s why you lean forward and press your trembling lips to his, trying to steal the oxygen from his lungs.

Spencer is willing to breathe into your open mouth, even if it meant he’s have no part of himself left that was just his. In his mind, he doesn’t want Spencer to be Spencer, he wants your imprint in every part of himself so he’s no longer just him.

He kisses your hairline and then places your back in that space between his collar bone and jaw, it’s carved only for you anyway.

“Tell me everything that scares you.” He instructs, finger circling your bent knee.

You can’t say ‘everything’, so you say what you can form into words.

“It’s so soon, we haven’t talked about this yet.” You start.

“It’s a little early, but we have a home and a stable income and I love you and I want this if you want this.” He says so simply, as if he’s bandaging a paper cut.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I could be really bad at it.” You state.

“We’ll figure it out together, I don’t know what to do either, but no one really does. But there is no way you will be a bad mom. That’s my professional opinion.”

You laugh lightly, he grins and subtly squeezes you.

“But what if it all goes bad? What if I can’t make it healthy, what if I…what if I lose it? Spencer, I don’t think I could live with myself if I was the reason you don’t get a living, breathing baby.” It hurts your chest to even say.

Spencer gently shushes you. “We won’t let that happen. We’ll make sure you’re healthy and doing everything you can to prevent that.”

You let that ease you into silence, then you wipe your eyes once more because you can’t stop crying.

“We’re not married.”

Did you say that out loud?

You must have because Spencer hums, not startled, but he mulls it over in his head.

“Does that matter to you?” He asks, genuinely curious. And you don’t know how to answer because you didn’t think it did.

But you said it, it’s been on your mind…so yeah, it might matter.

“Yeah, I guess…I don’t know.” You sigh, nudging your nose against his neck.

Spencer considers it, then hums like he does when he understands something. “Then we’ll get married.”

It’s the way he says it, so easy, makes you shake your head. “No, I don’t want you to marry me just because I’m pregnant now. Besides, planning a whole wedding is stressful.”

“That’s not why I said it, lovely. Yeah, we’re having this conversation because you’re pregnant but I want to marry you because it means something to me too. I don’t want to do life with anybody else besides you.” He states, dropping his chin to the top of your head, keeping you close to his pulse. “And a big wedding isn’t our style anyway. We can go to the courthouse right now if it’s what you want. Tomorrow you’ll have your name changed- or keep it, if that’s what you want.”

How perfect, how wonderful he is, and how lucky you are to be doing this with him.

Breathing in his scent once again, you nod. “I want to have the same last name as our baby. Oh god, our baby. That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever said.” You gently laugh.

“I like hearing it, though.” He says, a boyish smile, though he’s never been more of a man than in this moment.

You didn’t think your day would end like this, and perhaps this decision isn’t properly thought out, but the two of you want this.

You make it to the courthouse house just as they’re about to close, with the flashes of your credentials, they make a few exceptions. You don’t have rings, that part will get figured out later, and you there’s no grand catering, just Chinese food on the living room floor. It’s all perfect though, because you’re married and so in love with him and he’s giving you the last egg roll.

“You know, I didn’t think it was possible to be so hungry and nauseous at the same time.” You say, slurping up a noodle, washing it down with a Coke.

“You know, the fetal placenta produces a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin that’s rapidly increasing, and if the mother is more sensitive to it, then they’re more nauseous.” Spencer states factually, proud that his knowledge applies to this.

“How do I cure it, Doctor?” You ask, a fond smile on your face.

“Don’t skip meals, like you have been doing. No more of that. We’re going to have to call your doctor tomorrow, and start prenatal vitamins. You know, if we push the dresser into the closet and shift the brown bookshelf over a few feet, that will free up space for a crib. You’ll want a side sleeper bassinet though, it slides right next to the bed so you don’t have to get out of bed as often.”

Having a baby with Doctor Spencer Reid was like having the next nine months planned out for you. As he rambles on with all the things that will need to be done, you laugh and lean over, kissing him to get him to pause.

“What was that for?” He asks, kissing you once more.

“I love you, that’s all.” I smile.

Tracing your jawline with his finger, he grins right back at you. “I love you too.”

After a moment, you speak again. “Am I a doctor now?” You ask.

“What? No.” He shakes his head.

“I’m technically Mrs. Doctor Reid.”

“Angel.” He laughs.

“That’s Doctor Angel to you.”

[bookworrm1999]

How Far Away? Part 9

Caleb x Mc

Tags: unplanned pregnancy, presumed death, depression, miscommunication, miscarriage scare

Summary: Mc and Caleb fight right before he goes on a long mission into space. Caleb ends up MIA while Mc finds out she's pregnant. She struggles to deal with the grief while Caleb is fighting for his life to make it back home to her.

Aо3

Part 1 | Part 2 l Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Epilogue

She had fallen asleep in his arms while they had been quietly talking.

Everything that he had missed, all the extra details that she hadn’t sent via message.

All the while, their precious miracle rolled up against his hand as if welcoming him home.

Caleb had taken full advantage of his authority to make sure the hospital conducted the rest of his care from her room instead of his.

So he was currently hooked back up to a saline bag and a vitamin drip.

Stuck on a special diet to help him recover from malnourishment.

Being stuck here was nothing with her in his arms.

Now that he was more lucid and pumped on proper food and sleep. His brain was working overtime.

Ever could not find out about their baby.

A baby made from experiment 001 and 002? Prime material for an experiment. And if they got ahold of their precious little bean from inside the womb?

He shuddered to think about it, messing with the baby’s development while it was still forming. It made him sick to his stomach.

No, he thought he would have more time to figure this out but time was up.

A 20 week countdown loomed over Caleb’s head.

He would fully discuss this with her when they got home but preliminary plans whirred in his brain.

First he would have to find a way to get rid of the professor and Ever’s leader.

There were many other researchers but if he took the main figureheads out, there would be less of a threat.

Then, he would have to find Ever’s old research and records on him specifically.

Caleb did not want to become mostly a machine like Viper.

He could feel something growing from his arm and planting itself further into his body, taking him over bit by bit. It scared him to think that he could become a machine and not even recognize her one day.

After acquiring the research, he’d have to find someone to take out his chip in his brain and then try and stop the growth from his arm.

It was reminiscent of the crystal disease that Ever had been experimenting with except this originated from man and not wanderers.

Tightening his arms around the love of his life, his reason for existing, he drifted off to sleep awaiting tomorrow.

**

Caleb’s aircraft was still at the Fleet’s HQ and he didn’t want to bring her anywhere near there right now.

So they took the shuttle home.

The hospital had wanted to keep him longer but she was released and he wasn’t going to let her leave without him.

Neither was she for that matter, her hand hadn’t left him since they had been reunited.

Coming home was sobering, as they followed a small trail of blood into the house.

“I didn’t realize that I was leaving a trail behind.”

“I’m not surprised.” Caleb grabbed the mop from the closet, “Go sit down, I’ll clean this up real quick.”

She was still holding onto his arm, following him this whole time. Her small hand tightened on his bicep

“I’m afraid that if I let you go, that you’ll disappear, that you’ll be just a figment of my imagination.”

Caleb thinks for a minute before responding

“Here, let me make it real for you. Can hallucinations do this?”

Leaning down, he bites down on her neck gently and worries it between his lips. Leaving a mark on her skin to ground her.

Gasping at the sensation, she turns her head and captures his neck in the same manner.

Giving them matching marks.

“Go sit down baby, I’ll be back. Promise.”

“And then we’ll talk.” She states this as a fact, he gulps a bit but he was ready.

“Yes, we’ll talk.”

As she sits down on the couch, he mops away the evidence of a traumatic night. His anxiety growing all the more as time passes, not wanting to expose everything but knowing he has to.

Putting the mop back into the closet, he makes his way over to the couch; sitting on the opposite end of the curve so he can be by her but not crowd her space.

Caleb sits there a moment, gathering his thoughts and thinking in how to best to start things.

She waits there patiently, looking at him eager for the answers he’s kept from her for so long.

Sighing, he begins

“Before you lost your memories, you and I were always together. But we were experiments kept in a lab by grandma, Josephine back then.

You were 001 and I was 002.”

Stopping, he can’t bring himself to look into her eyes, looking at her mouth instead.

“You had an aether core in your heart, they were experimenting with the power increase that resulted everytime you died and they brought you back to life.”

This was so hard to talk about

“They molded me to be your antithesis, the weapon able to counter you and bring you down. We were two halves of a whole. I was forced to watch you die over and over again, never knowing if this was the last time that I’d see you alive again.”

Rubbing his eyes furiously, his chest hurt from all the pressure

“Everytime you died, you came back all muddled. Your memories blending together or being all together lost. I had to introduce myself to you so many times…”

He paused,

“Hi, I’m Caleb, I’ll always be by your side.”

A long resounding echo of words he had to say over and over

“It was awful but we had each other, despite our circumstances…. Josephine got sick of what Ever was doing and planning to do with us. Ever’s ultimate goal was you, using you. She took us, the disaster happened and you lost all of your memories. And she became Grandma.”

It was silent for a minute before she asked

“Is that all?” Her voice neutral, not betraying anything.

“No, Ever found where grandma had taken us much later in our lives. That’s what the explosion was, a way to take out a deserter and to get us back under their thumb.”

Stopping to take deep breath, he thought about how hard it was to tell this all to her. Caleb had held this inside him for so many years, in a way it was liberating. But it was hard to ignore the instinct that this was putting her into danger.

“When they recovered me from the explosion, I woke up before you and they gave me a choice. Live and take your place, they’d leave you alone for now or die and they take control of you.”

His hands were shaking just reliving it. The terror of her being under their thumb again, potentially killing her a few times to make her power increase once more. It was worth everything to say yes, regardless of what happened to him.

“I said yes, after I recovered from my burns, they began to modify me. Starting with my arm, making me stronger but making me lose sensation.”

Clenching his fist, he continued

“I had no idea until later that this machinery would eventually take over my entire body, assimilating me into the perfect weapon, more machine than man.”

“That’s what led me to being interjected into the Fleet. The fleet is under Ever’s rule, their attack dogs. Where I got the chip in my head, it’s at 50% integrity now but if I’m not careful they can bring me under their brain washing if I show any outward resistance.”

Caleb looks at the swell of her belly, the catalyst of what is to come.

“I don’t want to scare you but if they find out that there’s a child between us, there’s a big chance they’ll take you to experiment on you and our baby.”

This gets a reaction out of her besides her straight posture, her hand coming to hold her belly protectively. He still can’t look her in the eye.

“That’s why I need to collect the records on the both of us, destroy the digital copies. Then take care of the professor and the head of Ever. Find someone who can use the notes they took when they made their upgrades to my body, to stop the growth and then take the chip out of my head.”

They sit in silence for a moment, everything he had to say out in the air to ponder.

“That’s the gist of everything that I hadn’t told you.”

She sat there silently while he fidgeted nervously with his fingers. After a few minutes she asked

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“To be honest, I thought that if I kept you out of this that it would be safer for you. That you could live your life happier without this looming over your shoulders, jumping at shadows.”

“If I had been aware of these things, it would’ve made my life a lot easier actually. Sure I would’ve been more wary, but that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t throw myself into situations not knowing the whole of what was happening behind the scenes. Not to mention, even with you keeping me in the dark, things keep happening anyway.”

Feeling properly chastised, thinking about it she was right.

“I realize that now. I’m sorry for not telling you. It’s hard to go against my instincts to protect you. Watching you die so many times when we were young kind of hardwired my brain.”

She finally moved closer to him and reached out to hold his hand.

“Then we’ll rewrite your brain together. I don’t mind us wanting to possess each other, sometimes I want to keep you in my skin and know everything you’re doing too. But it has to be on equal terms, I need to know things and it’s gotta be mutually consensual. Okay?”

He could get behind that

“Right.” Caleb looks up into her eyes for the first time since he started sharing his darkest secrets.

Her face was brighter than he’d seen in a long time.

”Honestly I thought you’d be a bit more freaked out from learning about our origins.”

“Well, sure I’m freaking out inside but we can do this together, protect our baby together. Like you said, we’re two halves of a whole and will always be together. Now, where are these records of the experiments they did on us?”

“The disaster that led to us having to abandon the facilities, it happened in what’s now known as the N109 zone. Which I know you have experience with.”

Grinning sheepishly, she nods

“Yes, I guess it’s my turn to share some secrets. I know Sylus, the leader of Onychinus, they’re set up in the N109 zone. He would probably help us if I asked him to. Sylus might even be able to help us with your arm and chip issue. He’s good with machines and programming, plus he has more contacts then we do. Actually, Zayne would be a good choice too, for the medical sides of things!”

Caleb grimaced at the thought of Zayne helping, Sylus too. He was well aware of Sylus and his dealings. They usually kept a mutual eye on each other but had never met personally.

But if they could help him which in turn protected her and their baby. He’d swallow his pride, he’d do anything for his two most precious people.

“Well, I guess you should reach out to him, see if he’ll help. Zayne too I guess.” He gritted this out

“I will! I’ll have to head back to Linkon in two days anyway for my anatomy scan.”

“Oh right! I’d like to go with you. The Fleet has rescinded my MIA status and my lawyer took care of transferring my assets back to me. I’m completely free now that I’ve been placed on medical leave for a few weeks so I can be wherever you need me to be.”

She grasps his hand tighter, bring it to the swell of her belly, laying both of their hands in a protective gesture over their baby.

“Yes I’d like you to be there. I was worried that I’d have to deal with all of the legal stuff with your lawyer, I’d been avoiding that. Thank you, we can move forward with the plan after the scan then.”

Scooting closer, he lays his other arm around her shoulders and plops his head down on top of hers. They bask in each others company, the air clear between them for the first time since reuniting.

“Thank you for opening up to me. I know that was really hard for you but I appreciate it that you made the effort to tell me.”

“I held back for so long but now that I’ve said everything, I actually feel so much lighter.”

“The burden is light to carry when shared between two backs.”

“Haha, well I guess you’re right. I’ll have to get used to saying that considering you agreed to marry me. Whats that saying? Happy wife, happy life?”

Holding a finger up, she pokes his cheek firmly

“I agreed to marry you in the future, for now I’m just your girlfriend.”

“Sure sure, whatever you say dear.”

Things were looking up in their relationship, they were still a bit crazy with how much they wanted to possess the other. But they were finally communicating.

Attacks from the outside had yet to be dealt with though. Ever’s looming eye, the threat of losing their baby, Caleb’s slow transformation from man to machine. They would face the war together, hand in hand.

Tags: @moonberry69 @supermyeon22 @tinnyrabbit @gavin3469 @marina27826 @crowleysthings @tabi-callico @midiplier

@his-ocean-emissary @rosalyne08 @xaviers-pookie-bear @tsunamethyst @thejujvtsupost @cherrybeomgyu

@gojosballsack69 @apple-lov3r @dinochocochip @violetpurplez @raiyuxa @nickibunny23 @sh3sa1dwhat @playboygeniusphilanthropist @flwerie @lynnlovesthestars @twilightsmissingfur

@kasuumi @i-messed-up-big-time @mcdepressed290 @mc-cos-charm @needsleep3000

[ssinnerplazahotel]

╭──────────.★..─╮

*Chapter Fifteen*

╰─..★.──────────╯

WC: 5k

Warning: 18+, age gap, smut, fluff, toxic elvis, manipulation, drug use, it’s the 50s/60s, painful-difficult-devastating-life-changing-extraordinary love

Pairing: elvis x black reader

Disclaimer: full of inaccuracies, inaccurate timeline, inaccurate depictions of Graceland, historically inaccurate themes and items

Masterlist: Prologue, Ch. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

finale pt. 2

“They want you for the cover of Harper’s Bazaar.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.”

“Why?”

“Because they think you’re ‘extraordinarily beautiful,’” He said, quoting the request directly. “‘Otherworldly.’

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Well, I happen to agree that you’re out of this world.”

He smiled as you sat down in his lap, hugging his neck as you glanced over the letter. You thought about the offer for a moment.

“You don’t have to think about it too much,” Elvis said when he noticed your contemplation. “I’ll tell them you don’t want to do it.”

“Will you do it with me?”

“They didn’t ask me, dirty bird, they asked you.”

You laughed. “I know but…we do everything together.”

You knew if Elvis was on the cover they’d hardly spare you a glance. Doing it alone opened up the floor for criticism—criticism you no longer had the tolerance for. Though the hit pieces you saw were few and far between (Elvis made sure of that) you knew there was another level of hate out there.

“It should be all about you,” He said. “You have a few months to make up your mind.”

“They may not want me in a few months.”

“Why’s that?”

You shrugged dismissively. “I might be pregnant.”

You felt him tense beneath you. “You think?”

“I don’t know,” You said. “I’m late but…I’ve been late before.”

“They said there was a chance~”

“I don’t want to get excited. I don’t even want to think about it.”

“That mindset won’t get you far.”

“And being optimistic will?”

You stood up before he could respond, taking the lighter from the corner of his desk. He watched you wordlessly as you took a cigarette from its case and lit it.

“How late?”

“Don’t start with the questions, E.”

He stood with a sigh, dropping the pen that he had been fidgeting with. “Well, let me know when you start giving a fuck.”

You faced him. “You’re upset?”

“No.” You stopped him from leaving. “Birdie, I don’t care if you don’t.”

“I care,” You said. “I’m just scared.”

“If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, then that’s just it.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I do understand.”

“Do you know what a miscarriage feels like?”

He retracted, but he was still upset. “I don’t see the point in trying if we’re gonna ignore it when it happens.”

“I’m not ignoring it,” You said. “I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Well.” He walked past you. “I guess we’ll see.”

The months slipped by agonizingly slow. It was a miserable day every day you woke up still pregnant. It wasn’t that you hoped for another miscarriage, you just hated the anticipation of it all. It was hard to even acknowledge the fact.

You were measuring small, even towards the end of term. The doctors told you it was due to stress. It wasn’t the baby that was stressing you out however.

“I can’t believe I’m the one telling you that we need to get some things in order around here,” Elvis said, forcing you out of bed. “That sucker’s gonna pop out any day now, honey. They told us that weeks ago.”

“It’s fine,” You complained. “I’m sure someone will have the room ready overnight if you ask them.”

“This ain’t the inn, birdie,” He said. “You don’t just put it together in one day. Shouldn’t you have some kind of maternal instinct by now?”

You weren’t prepared to have a baby, let alone be a mother. You feared that you’d mess it up, like you mess up everything else.

“Come help me put this thing together,” Elvis said, returning to his passion project for that afternoon—the baby’s bassinet.

“Put it together in the nursery,” You said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “It doesn’t make sense to do it here.”

“She’s not sleeping alone in a nursery,” He said. “You gotta keep her close the first few months at least. Unless you want a psychopath on our hands.”

“You read too much.”

“You don’t read enough.”

“Down the hall isn’t close enough?”

“Don’t be cruel.”

You watched him as he intently read the instructions word for word—ordering you around as he did so.

“A should snap into D,” He said, pointing the pieces out to you. “And B into C.”

“What?”

“A and D, B and C.”

“That’s so stupid.”

“Let me do it.”

It felt like everything was happening to you. You were nothing more than a variable in this equation and life was insistent on working you out.

~

“Just breathe for a second~”

“Is it happening?”

“Calm down~”

“Is it really happening?”

“Birdie, relax.”

You couldn’t, how could you? You were in labor, actual labor. Elvis had kept his wits about him when you told him but that didn’t stop you from succumbing to the feeling of impending doom that you had been trying to outrun for the past eight and a half months.

“Get off the phone, E,” You said, rushing him along. “We need to get there before they really start. I can’t handle it.”

“I’m coming,” He said, trying to keep his frustration at bay. “Go get dressed, you can’t go out like that.”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

“Go change,” He insisted. “You could use the distraction while I get this together.”

“Please hurry,” You said, going to find something decent to wear. “I don’t want to feel anything. I can’t take it, I already told you~”

“I know, darlin,” He said halfheartedly. “We’re practically already there.”

You were fully in labor when you arrived at the hospital and barely in time for the epidural. But, after twelve and a half hours, you were welcoming your first daughter into the world.

It was a moment that already felt surreal in your head but even more so as you watched it all play out in front of you. It was painless—as painless as it could be—and you were happy. At least that’s what you kept telling yourself. In reality, you had no idea what you were feeling.

“Birdie?”

“Hm?”

“Her name.”

Your eyes met Elvis’s as you held your daughter. He looked down at the both of you with such admiration.

“Are you asking me what it should be?”

“No, I’m telling you.”

“Birdie’s no name for a baby, E.”

“It could be.”

You looked down at the child in your arms, her eyes squeezed shut and her hands balled into tiny fists. “How about…Lark?”

“…I like it.” Elvis kissed your temple before leaning his head against yours and looking down at his daughter. “Y’know…we’re gonna have to tell the press soon.”

“Yeah, I know,” You responded. “I’m sure they’ll be thrilled.”

“It’s no rush.”

“Of course it is. They’re probably camped outside waiting.”

You turned your head when he didn’t respond, finding a telling expression on his face. “E…they are not camped outside waiting.”

“I don’t know how they found out~”

“Why would you say anything about telling them if they already know?” Your shift in tone startled the sleeping newborn in your arms, causing her to fuss. “Oh god, take her please~”

“Hey, it’s okay.” You weren’t sure if he was consoling you or the baby as he took her and stood from the bed. “It’s okay, hunna.”

You stared in the direction of the window, unable to see out but still picturing the press crowded around the building.

“What are they saying?” You asked, looking at him. “I know you’ve heard something so don’t lie to me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” He said in a hushed tone, walking the baby over to the crib that the hospital provided. “It’s just a shock, really. Most of the reactions are good.”

You didn’t believe him but you didn’t argue. You were too tired to go back and forth any longer.

After a restless night, you were awoken by Elvis saying that you were being discharged.

“Liz is here.”

“Why?”

“We have to go through the press to get out of here.”

“Is there really no other way?”

“They want to see us.”

You went through hair and makeup, nursing Lark along the way. You handed her off quickly after she was fed.

“Doesn’t hurt to hold her sometimes, bert,” Elvis said.

“Please don’t start calling me that,” You complained tensely as Liz zipped the back of your dress. You could hardly breathe in the stiff fabric.

“You don’t like it?” He laughed.

“No,” You exclaimed. “How do you get ‘bert’ from ‘birdie?’”

“D’You hear it, Lizzie?” He asked.

Liz shrugged and muttered something about hearing where he’d gotten it from.

“I can’t hear it,” You said. “I also can’t breathe.”

“You definitely don’t look like you had a baby twenty-four hours ago,” Liz said, adding the final touches. “They’ll love it.”

You enjoyed your brief interactions with Liz. She wasn’t talkative—by nature or per Elvis’s request you didn’t know. She finished up and left.

“What’s wrong?” Elvis asked when she was gone, laying the baby down.

“I don’t want them to see me,” You confessed. “I don’t want anyone to see me.”

“Why?” He wondered. “You’re beautiful.”

Your eyes threatened to roll at the compliment. You didn’t feel beautiful. You felt sore and tired—all but beautiful.

“It’ll be quick,” Elvis said. “Like tearin off a bandaid.”

The nurses insisted that you be wheeled to the car but you politely declined. You could make it walking.

Lark was carried out in her car seat first, heavily protected on all sides before you and Elvis casually strolled out of the building. It was pure chaos outside but you tuned everything out. When you finally made it to the car Elvis let you in before following suit. It was quick, like he promised.

*

“Andrea?”

You were shocked to see her waiting for you in the foyer when you arrived back at Graceland. She stopped you before you grew excited.

“I came back for the baby.”

You smiled despite her cold demeanor. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

Her expression softened when Elvis entered with the car seat in tow. He sighed as he shut the front door.

“You came,” He stated.

“For the baby,” Andrea clarified again, kneeling down to peek at her in the carrier. “What’s her name?”

“Lark,” You responded. “Like the bird.”

“You named her after a bird?” Andrea asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s sentimental.” You shrugged. “You don’t like it?”

“I think it’s a beautiful name.”

Your head snapped instantly in the direction of Dawn’s voice. She stood off to the side watching the interaction unfold.

“Aunt Dawn,” You said delightfully. “You made it.”

“I promised I would,” She said, opening her arms and wrapping you in her familiar embrace. “I had to see this to believe it.”

You felt small in her arms, like the child you once were. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She rubbed your back as she held you. “I’m here.”

“Let’s get you to bed, little bit,” Elvis said, cutting your embrace short. “Doctor’s orders.”

Things were different around the house with the baby and Andrea. Dawn stayed for a few days but ultimately returned to her house a few minutes up the road.

You promised to bring Lark over as often as you could, and you meant it. You aimed to go over every other weekend, but that changed into whenever Elvis could make the trip. He hated for you to visit Dawn on your own. You hadn’t paid it any mind until she brought it up one evening.

“It’s like he’s afraid to leave you alone with me,” She complained. “I’m your aunt. I practically raised you.”

“It’s not like that, Aunt Dawn,” You said as you buckled Lark into her seat. “He hates for me to travel alone. That’s all. There are crazy people out there.”

“He hates for you to do anything alone. It’s concerning.”

“No, it’s sweet. And he really enjoys our visits.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t do this.”

“I hardly recognize you. You look exhausted.”

“That’s because I am exhausted.”

“Andrea and Joel seem to think~”

“Are you really going to let Joel and Andrea ruin our day? They’re the reason he hardly lets me come over anyway. Have they turned you against him too?”

“My worry for you has nothing to do with my feelings about him.”

“Don’t believe anything they say, it’s all made up.”

“Why would they make these things up?”

“Because they don’t want to see us together.”

Elvis appeared from the house then, carrying Lark’s missing pacifier.

“Where was it, baby?” You asked, ignoring the disconcerted expression on Dawn’s face.

“Under the couch,” He said. “The drive back would’ve been hell without it.”

“You two be careful,” Dawn said. “It’s getting dark soon.”

“We will be,” You said, stepping forward and hugging her. “Don’t worry about me. Please, I’m okay.”

“See you, Dawny,” Elvis said, hugging her briefly as well. “I’ll bring them by again soon.”

“I look forward to it.” She watched the two of you climb into the car and waved as you left.

“What’s got her so worried about you?”

“Hm?”

“Dawn. You told her not to worry?”

You shrugged dismissively. “She’s always like that.”

He hummed, unsatisfied with your response. “Did you say something in particular to get her like that?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know…she said I looked tired.”

Andrea was there to scoop up Lark the minute you got back. She claimed to not trust the two of you alone with her. She meant it as a joke but a part of you couldn’t help but think she was serious.

“I was about to take her upstairs,” You said. “She needs to get changed and fed.”

“I can do it,” Andrea offered as she bounced Lark in her arms. “I don’t mind.”

“That’s alright~”

“Let her do it,” Elvis said. “We’re gonna be down here anyway.”

“I was going to,” You said as he took the diaper bag from your shoulder and handed it off to Andrea. “It’ll only take a second.”

“I don’t mind,” Andrea insisted. “Go relax. I’m on baby duty.”

“Come on, bert,” Elvis said, laughing at the nickname as he guided you away.

You watched Andrea carefully climb the stairs until she was out of your view.

The scene downstairs was too chaotic and you would’ve preferred to be anywhere else. Elvis kept a heavy arm around your shoulders as you sat silently by his side amongst the group.

Despite your presence, there were still numerous women who had taken the same mundane interest in him as the hundreds (thousands, or even millions) who came before them. You couldn’t blame them, or the way they stared shamelessly—he was too beautiful to only steal a glance.

What they wanted from him was surface level, they craved his body, but his mind and soul were yours—some crude part of you wanted them to know that. You felt invisible next to him as their eyes locked on his every move.

“What?” Elvis asked when he noticed you shifting closer.

“I want to go upstairs,” You said, giving him a look and hoping he’d understand. You placed a suggestive hand on his thigh to further express your point. “Please.”

“Don’t, birdie, come on,” He scolded, moving your hand from his thigh.

“I need you,” You said. “Don’t you want me?”

His jaw twitched. “Why are you being like that in front of all these people?”

“They like watching so much, I figured we’d put on a show.”

“What?”

“A show, y’know…”

His eyes narrowed as he processed what you were saying.

“I want them to know that you’re mine,” You confessed.

“And the only way to prove that is to…?”

“Show them.”

“How?” He laughed.

“Kiss me,” You insisted. “Touch me.”

“You’re crazy,” He muttered under his breath. “I don’t know how I put up with you.”

His words hurt but in some sort of satisfying way.

He kissed your cheek and his deep voice vibrated in your ear when he whispered, “Go upstairs.”

You stood, trying not to pout as you left the room. You stopped by Lark’s nursery on your way by and you saw Andrea but you didn't make your presence known as you watched them. She was so good with her.

Elvis came up the stairs as you stood there and you immediately went to the bedroom without a word. You shut the door behind yourself, making him open it moments later.

“What? You have a problem with me?” He asked, slamming the door.

You faced him—crossing your arms.

“How can I help that they were looking at us?”

“They were looking at you, not me.”

“D’you know who I was looking at? You.”

“Do they know that?”

“Who cares what they know?”

“I do.”

“So, what, you want me to fuck you in a room full of people?”

You pushed him away when he stepped closer but even with all your strength he didn’t budge. You struggled against him when he grabbed your wrists, trying to pull away. His grip tightened and he forced you into a rough kiss. As much as you wanted to deny him you gave in quickly.

He made you straddle him when he sat on the edge of the bed, assisting your movements with a tight grip on your waist and making you grind your core against the bulge forming in his pants.

“You’re gonna finish what you were trying to start out there,” He said. “Do you understand?”

You aren’t sure what came over you in that moment, but you brought your right hand up and struck his cheek in one swift motion. He seemed as shocked by the action as you were, his head cocked to the side—frozen for a moment before acting suddenly.

He stood and shoved you onto your back, wrapping a hand around your neck.

You nodded in encouragement. “Hit me back.”

He kissed you, there was a gentleness lingering behind his touch that you wanted him to let go of. “Don’t be brutal.”

“I want it.”

“You want me to hit you?”

“Yes.”

He examined your expression for a moment before pulling away. You waited as he sat back on his heels and silently removed his shirt.

“Take off your dress,” He finally said, waiting expectantly.

You smiled and shook your head ‘no.’ He was on you immediately, forcing you onto your front before unzipping the back of your dress. He stripped you, leaving you in only your heels and panties.

“On your back,” He demanded.

You turned over but immediately lifted your foot, using the pointed end of your heel to keep him from coming closer. He grabbed your ankle and ripped the shoe from your foot before wrestling the other off.

He forced himself between your legs. You tried to push him away but he pinned your hands beside your head—he wasn’t letting up but you could feel his frustration building.

You forced a heavy moan and arched your back, playing up your pleasure and becoming pliant. He released your wrists and you put your arms around his shoulders—you let him kiss you fully before grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling. You tugged harshly and he groaned.

“Don’t do that,” He said through clenched teeth. “Fucking let go.”

“Make me,” You challenged. “Hit me.”

“What’s that do for you?”

“It makes me feel like yours.”

You closed your eyes as he kissed you, releasing your grip on his hair.

“You are mine,” He muttered against your lips. “I don’t have to hit you to prove that, do I?”

“No,” You agreed, trying not to let your excitement show as he grabbed your jaw and made you look at him.

“You’re my girl?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know what that means?”

Your eyes widened when his ring and middle fingers suddenly pushed past your lips, forcing your tongue down. You gagged and tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let you. The rings on his fingers clanked uncomfortably against your teeth but you couldn’t avoid them.

“It means—” His face was close to yours. “—that you hold yourself together when other girls make you jealous, you don’t fall apart and turn into a desperate nag.” He only pulled away after you choked, his fingers covered in your saliva. “You should know that by now, birdie. You’re actin like an amateur.”

You hardly had a second to breathe before he was forcing you onto your back.

“You’re always asking why I never use your mouth and you can’t even handle two fingers. It’s fucking adorable.” His words must’ve had the effect he wanted them to, because he laughed when you started struggling again. “You’re just a little girl. You don’t know the first thing about what you’re getting into when you ask me to do shit like this to you.”

“You’d rather fuck one of them?”

“I probably would’ve if it weren’t for your bad attitude.”

You fought harder but he held you down under half his body weight.

“You don’t like that?” He asked knowingly, grunting as he thrusted his touch-starved erection against your core.

“No, I don’t fucking like that,” You spat. “You’re an asshole.”

“Your mouth.” He tutted, disapprovingly.

“Fuck you.”

“Say it again.”

“Fuck y~”

You were stunned by the slap that crossed your face. It didn’t hurt but it stung in an addicting way and made you throb with desperation.

“That’s what you want?” He asked, you could hear the panic reserved in his tone. He was checking in.

“Yes,” You reassured him.

“When did you get like this?” He muttered, sitting up and instructing you to remove his belt. “Come on. It’s the least you can do after being such a mean little thing.”

You sat up with him to unbuckle the belt. He took your face in his hands and kissed you, still unable to resist your lips.

“Say you love me,” He demanded, breaking the kiss. “Fucking say it.”

“I love you,” You said. “I love you, I love you, I love you~”

“Alright, shut up,” He interrupted. “You’re gonna get yourself off, d’you think you can do that?”

You followed him as he sat back against the headboard, letting him force you to straddle him. You brought your hand up in an attempt to land your revenge, but he caught your wrist before you could connect.

“Don’t try it again.” He tore your underwear from around your waist, ruining them. “Take my rings off.”

You reached for his hand and he pulled it out of your reach.

“Uh, uh,” He hummed. “Use your mouth.”

You hesitate but parted your lips anyway. He swore as you used your mouth to remove each ring, leaving his fingers glistening with your saliva.

“Last one,” He said as you spit another ring into his right palm and took his left ring finger in your mouth. He hissed as the wedding band slipped from his finger and into your mouth. He stopped you from spitting it out. “Keep it in your mouth. Don’t swallow it.”

You wanted to protest but focused your attention instead on not letting the ring slip down your throat. He kissed your chest as his wet fingers glided through your slick folds.

With his left hand occupied and his right arm wrapped around your back, you had a clear opportunity to land another sharp slap across his cheek.

He released an involuntary gasp upon contact, clenching his jaw and sighing through his nose.

“Spit,” He demanded, holding his left hand out for the ring. You let fall out of your mouth along with the pool of saliva that had collected.

He tossed the ring aside and leaned forward until you laid flat against the bed. He forced his fingers into you, curling them deep.

“It’s not enough that I married you, and gave you my child,” He said through labored breathing. “You want me to use you in a room full of people to prove a point.”

“People you would’ve had the luxury of screwing if I were nicer.”

“You know I say that kind of shit to piss you off.”

You released an accented moan as he slammed his fingers harshly into you, cutting your rebuttal short.

His hand found your throat again and applied more pressure. Your eyes widened in shock when your breathing was interrupted and you struggled to push him off.

“What?” He stopped moving. “Too soft? Harder?”

He waited another second and let go.

“Harder,” You gasped.

“Really?” His thrusts became longer and deeper—making your legs tremble as he reached that spot that made your toes curl. “But you’re crying, mama.”

He knew as well as you did that the tears in your eyes had nothing to do with you crying and everything to do with him choking you moments before. But he’d use the tears as a testimony to your pain if it made you appear frail.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked, knowing the answer.

You wanted to tell him to keep going, but it was too much. The last thing you wanted to do was prove him right by affirming your sensitivity. Rather than appear weak, you opted for silence.

“Okay,” He whispered, kissing your lips gently. “I’ll take care of you, darlin, don’t worry.”

He sat up and silently motioned ‘come here’ with both hands—his lids heavy and his pupils blown with lust. You forced yourself to sit up, figuring it best to agree. He wrapped his arms around your torso, expecting you to wrap your legs around his waist.

“Stay,” He whispered. “What’re you gonna do?”

“…Stay.” You shivered when he entered you, relaxing into his hold and completely relinquishing your senses.

“Good girl…see? You can be a sweet girl.”

You couldn’t feel anything outside of him. You couldn’t see, hear, smell, or taste anything…only him.

“You walk around like you have so much to prove,” He said, his voice low in your ear. “I don’t know why.”

You couldn’t respond, you couldn’t form any words as that familiar knot started to form in the pit of your stomach.

“It’s like you’re jealous of a couple of strangers,” He continued, rocking his hips upward to thrust inside of you. “Do you want me to treat you like them? Like I don’t know you—like I don’t love you?”

The world fell away and for a moment you were just a body made up of electricity and burning pleasure. Your eyes rolled and you trembled. He kept going.

“Do you want me fuck you like a stranger?” He muttered, you couldn’t tell if he was talking to you anymore.

“Please,” You whispered, encouraging him. “…fuck me like a stranger.”

His hips stuttered and he came instantly, bursting inside of you like a teenager. You felt the warmth of his release pooling inside of you and seeping between your thighs.

You climbed out of his lap, leaving no time for either of you to come down or catch your breath. You tried to turn away—too woozy to get up—but he grabbed you by the arm and made you face him. You wouldn’t look at him, so he gripped your jaw.

“I love you,” He panted. “I…love you. That’s the difference. That makes all the difference.”

You met his eyes. “That makes everything okay?”

“No,” He admitted. “It doesn’t.”

You couldn’t read his expression—his lids were heavy with post-orgasmic bliss. He was still coming down from his high, not speaking for himself but from his pleasure.

“I’m sorry,” He muttered, nuzzling the crook of your neck.

You hugged him back, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to revel in his apology while he was sorry—because you knew he wouldn’t be for long.

He pulled away from the embrace after a few minutes. “Say it back.”

You smiled, you almost thought he hadn’t noticed. “I love you too.”

He smiled, content.

“You should get back out there,” You said. “Seemed like the night was just getting started.”

“I’m not finished with you just yet,” He said, smirking suggestively. “You’ve awoken something inside of me.”

“Oh no,” You said sarcastically, laughing as his hands shamefully roamed your body. “What have I done?”

“Where’s Lark?”

“With Andrea still.”

“Perfect.”

You squeaked in surprise when he rolled onto his back and pulled you onto his lap.

“Tell me what to do."

You paused. "What do you mean?"

His fingernails grazed your bare thighs as he smiled timidly. "I want you to order me around. Make me do things I wouldn’t usually do.”

You would grow to accept that there would be no final retribution or day of reckoning. No fight, no agreement, no threat, no reconciliation.

Those things didn’t matter when it came to the two of you. At the end of it all—good, bad, ugly and indifferent—you two would remain. It was an undisputed truth…wherever you went, you went together.

You could be opposites, or just alike, it’d make no difference. He could be like the sea. Open, free, abundant in what he could give. Charitable, but indulgent. Hazardous, but certain. You could be like the desert. Brutal, unforthcoming, full of life in some areas but destitute in others. Fertile, but not nurturing. Guarded, but unprotected. You could have been all those things and one simple fact would remain.

Wherever there was Elvis Presley, so too was his baby birdie.

—fin.

[coochiequeens]

“So women with access to emergency care are the ones that live,” she said. “Women that don’t, die.”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2024/01/21/gaza-childbirth/

JERUSALEM — Walaa didn’t expect the birth of her fourth child to spark abject fear. But by the time her contractions started, the whole family was frantic.

There were no ambulances to be seen in the streets of Gaza’s Rafah City, she said, now so crammed with displaced families that there was barely any food left available for the 27-year-old.

When her uncle Wissam, a doctor, reached the tent where she had lived for weeks in the cold, he said, he could see they had run out of time. “I’m having the baby now,” she kept telling him. It was dark, and she was scared.

His cellphone flashlight was all they had to see by.

The humanitarian catastrophe caused by Israel’s three-month military campaign against Hamas in Gaza counts some 52,000 pregnant women among its greatest victims. As airstrikes push 1.9 million people into an ever-smaller corner of the besieged enclave, disease is spreading, famine is looming and levels of anemia are so high that the risk of postpartum hemorrhage has soared and breastfeeding is often impossible. Forty percent of pregnancies are high-risk, CARE international estimates.

Prenatal care is almost nonexistent — what remains of Gaza’s hospital network is on its knees, at 250 percent capacity and consumed with treating mass casualties from Israeli bombing. Far more women are giving birth outside of medical facilities — in displacement camps, even in the street — than inside them.

Damage to facilities and communications blackouts — the strip lost cellphone service for a week this month — have left Gaza’s health ministry unable to compilereliable data for infant or maternal mortality during the conflict. But doctors and aid groups say miscarriage and stillbirths have spiked.

“What we know about pregnancy-related complications is that it’s hard to prevent them in any setting, but the way that we save a woman and newborn’s life is we treat the complication quickly,” said Rondi Anderson, a midwifery specialist for the Project HOPE aid group.

“So women with access to emergency care are the ones that live,” she said. “Women that don’t, die.”

The only place that Wissam could find to deliver his terrified niece’s baby was a spot of cold earth between the tents. Aid workers hung bedsheets to give the woman a modicum of privacy. No one had been able to contact Walaa’s husband, and her mother was so scared that at times she had to look away. They cut the boy’s umbilical cord with an unsterilized scalpel and they filled tin cans with hot water to keep him warm. He weighed 7 pounds and Walaa named him Ramzy.

The family spoke on the condition that only their first names be used because they feared for their safety in the event that Israeli troops entered the town.

Baby Ramzy is 5 days old. (Loay Ayyoub for The Washington Post)

They fled their home in northern Gaza so abruptly that no one thought to grab clothes for the baby. This week, Ramzy was swaddled in a onesie outgrown by another child in the camp. He wailed as Walaa, still in pain from tearing during the birth, gingerly pulled herself upright.

The 16-year blockade imposed by Israel and Egypt after Hamas won control of Gaza had already made pregnancy and childbirth more difficult for expecting mothers. Before the current conflict, hospitals often lacked adequate equipment and training for neonatal staff, according to Medical Aid for Palestinians, and more than half of pregnant women were anemic.

Hamas fighters streamed out of the enclave on Oct. 7 to kill around 1,200 people in Israel and take another 240 hostage. Israel responded with a bombing campaign and ground war to eradicate Hamas, killing almost 25,000 Palestinians, most of them civilians, to date.

The South African legal team that accused Israel before the International Court of Justice this month of committing genocide during the conflict argued that the obstruction of lifesaving treatment since Oct. 7 amounts to preventing births.

A lawyer for Israel called allegations that it is obstructing the delivery of food, water, fuel and other supplies critical for Gaza “tendentious and partial,” and said it was working “around-the-clock” to help scale up the volume of aid making it into the enclave.

Hanaa al-Shawa, 23, gave birth to her first child, Ayla, during the coronavirus pandemic, and the little girl, she said, brought her family a “glimmer of hope.” Shawa and her husband Mustafa, 25, were ecstatic when they learned in July that another child was on the way. The war began in October, and the future they dreamed of fell apart. “I had felt overwhelming joy,” Shawa recalled. “I did not realize that this joy would turn into great suffering.”

Nearly 20,000 babies were born in Gaza during the first 105 days of the war, UNICEF reported Friday. Delays in the delivery of lifesaving supplies, the U.N. children’s agency said, have left some hospitals performing Caesarean sections without anesthetic. Spokeswoman Tess Ingram said she met a nurse at Gaza’s Emirati maternity hospital who had helped with postmortem caesarians on six dead women.

“Seeing newborn babies suffer while some mothers bleed to death should keep us all awake at night,” Ingram told reporters Friday. “In the time it has taken to present this to you, another baby was likely born, but into what?”

“Becoming a mother should be a time of celebration,” she said. “But in Gaza it’s another child delivered into hell.”

For the five pregnant women interviewed by Washington Post reporters, fear that mother or baby might not survive suffused their waking thoughts — and made appearances in nightmares, too.

Shawa and Mustafa left their home in Gaza City’s Yarmouk Street in the second week of October. The Israel Defense Forces had ordered 1.1 million people in northern Gaza to move south for what it described as their own safety.

“I was afraid that I would miscarry because of the power of the rockets,” she said.

Displaced Palestinian families from the northern and central Gaza Strip evacuate toward southern Gaza on Oct. 13. (Loay Ayyoub for The Washington Post)

Many pregnant women made the 20-mile journey from north to south on foot, their legs swollen and joints heavy as they carried their luggage, three women who made the journey told The Post.

When Ayla was born, her family had a room full of toys ready for her. The room in which Shawa’s second child, a girl, will spend her first weeks, in a friend’s home in the Tel al-Sultan area, is tainted with asbestos, she said.

“We carried Ayla here in just the clothes she was wearing, and we don’t even have anything warm for her,” Shawa said. “If I’m unable to provide for her, what will I do for my next child?”

Rising food scarcity and malnutrition can cause potentially life-threatening complications during childbirth and lead to low birth weight, wasting, failure to thrive and developmental delays.

Shawa said she had only eaten tinned food, with no access to fruit or vegetables, since she left her home three months ago. Doctors have said her iron levels are low and her blood pressure is high. Mustafa searches daily but has found no suitable medication to control it.

Saja Al-Shaer, 19, started to feel like she was too young to become a mother. Her weight had dropped below 110 pounds, she was anemic, and her husband had not managed to get her medication, either. “He spent three days knocking on the doors of pharmacies,” she said. “I do not know if I will see this child or not.”

In late December, doctors at the al-Aqsa Hospital, 11 miles to the north, received a pregnant woman whose high blood pressure caused eclampsia and bleeding to her brain, according to Deborah Harrington, a British obstetrician who volunteered at the hospital with a Medical Aid for Palestinians team.

The baby was delivered by a C-section, Harrington said. The mother was still on life support when the physician left two weeks later.

“These women are presenting it in much more extreme condition,” Harrington said. “They’re just not getting hypertensive treatment. They’re not being screened for diabetes. If they’re diabetic, they’re not getting treatment for their diabetes.

“They know that actually accessing care, as it often is for women in conflict, is really difficult and fraught with danger. At night, there is often no light, so moving around is really difficult. You can’t call an ambulance because there’s no signal. The women I saw were really frightened.”

Walaa with her uncle Wissam, who helped deliver her newborn son. (Loay Ayyoub for The Washington Post)

From the corner of the damp room where Walaa was tending to Ramzy on Friday, she worried about where they would find clean water or baby formula. Her family had looked everywhere for diapers, but come up empty. In Tel al-Sultan, Shawa was fixating on rumors that Israel’s army would direct them to evacuate again. The walking, the carrying, the sense that nothing around her was hygienic — it all frightened her.

But she had made one decision that no shortage or military orders could change. She would name her daughter after her sister-in-law, killed in an Israeli airstrike weeks earlier while trying to find shelter for her own children.

The girl, she said, would be called Heba. In Arabic, it means blessing from God.

Mahfouz reported from Cairo and Harb reported from London. Loay Ayyoub in Rafah contributed to this report.

[regulus-books]

warnings: brief mentions of miscarriage, stillborn, depression and anxiety. if you don't feel comfortable please, please don't read it. I love you<3 and if you're struggling, or have struggled with this topic, feel free to dm me<3

wc: 1.7k+

Since I was young, I've always wanted a child. As I slowly grew, my want for children increased, I became more scared, sure, but nothing is better than your own little baby who will always love you, even if no one else does?

That aside, James and I have been trying for a long while, a year at least, unfortunately, miscarriages run in my family. I have been pregnant 2 times in the past year, one being a miscarriage that plummeted me and James in a deep set of depression, when we decided to try again, my baby boy came out a stillborn. I cried for so long after, couldn't forgive myself. James was so excited for our child, and I just depressed him. Did I not want him enough? I realized I shouldn't be thinking that way, I didn't do anything wrong. Three square meals a day, went to every single appointment, slept the correct amount of hours, I did everything right. James helped me out of the depression and my doctor advised me not to try again, much to my despair.

A week ago, James and I adopted a baby. She was born at 6 pounds and 7 ounces, no name, and her mother died in child birth. We named her Renee Lily Potter. Lily stuck by my side nearly the entire way through my first and second pregnancy, she saw the happy and sad.

Right now, I'm laying in me and James' bed, Renee rests on my chest, and I stroke a hand down her little back. I hum a tune I heard on the muggle radio, a funky beat that reminded me of my husband, as we wait for James to get back from work.

"Renee, darling, I love you so much." I speak to the child as if she can understand what I say. "I am so glad that you're here. I don't know what papa and I would do if you weren't." I pick up her chunky baby body and pull her up closer to my neck. I stand up and strap on a baby carrier to my front, then I walk out into our flats kitchen to cook something. I bounce around the kitchen, James is usually the one cooking, he says I cook like a white mom, and to that I tell him, that's exactly what I am. He always laughs and kisses my forehead after that, winces at the taste of the meal I prepared, but eats it anyways. I hear the fireplace turn on and quickly turn off.

"I wonder who that could be." I say, but there's no doubt in my mind that James is hiding behind our sofa in the living room, trying to scare me. I walk out into the sitting room, and sure enough James pops out from behind our couch and accidentally scares himself.

"Hi, darling." I walk up to him and kiss him.

"Did I scare you?"

"No, Jamie, love." I stroke my fingers around Renee's soft head, her hair longer and thicker than any other baby I've ever seen.

"Hi, baby. Oh, and," he leans down and lets Renee grab one of his fingers, "hi baby." He lifts her out of the baby carrier, laying her tiny body in his arms. She makes a noise and grabs James' nose. "Hi, my little love! You missed papa while he was at work, hm?" He grazes under her chin, and she continues to babble on.

"Well, papa now needs to fix the mess mama made, hm?" James smiles and walks into the kitchen.

"Rice, curry, and naan?" He looks around.

"Mhm, mum brought it, darling."

"Oh my gosh! Mum came and I wasn't home?" I sit on one of our kitchen table stools.

"Yeah, but that was the point Jamie, she wanted to see how I was settling with Renee." I watch from the table as James takes down two plates from a cabinet and plates up our food.

"Well?"

"Well, what, darling?"

"How are you settling with Renee?" He places her down in her heavily padded play pen, and puts my food down in front of me, I take a big bite and think.

"Settling fine. You?"

"Big change for me." James says, ripping his naan and scooping chicken into it.

"Of course it is, darling, we have a baby now." I look down at her, she's curled into herself and snoring quietly.

"I know. I just always want to be home, but I'm constantly working, I'm afraid I'll be distant with her or I won't know her as well as you because you're a stay at home and I work until 7, and that's her bedtime."

"I understand, my love." I nod at him for him to continue. "They offered you three weeks off."

"I know, I just want something to keep me busy."

"You know what's perfect for that?"

"What?"

"The baby, and me." James' face quickly brightens. "How about this, darling, I'll call Moody and tell him I insist you stay home with me and Renee, he's scared of me anyhow."

"Sounds perfect." We eat in silence for a moment. "Reggie?" James looks up at me as I start to wash mine and his plate off.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wonder if she won't like us?"

"No, James. She'll love us. Unconditional love will be forced. And besides," I attempt to lighten his mood, "no one could ever not like you, James Potter." I semi joke, James' lips twitch up into a smile.

"Except Barty Jr, right?" He dries his hands off, kisses my jaw and rests his body weight on his arms, hovering over me.

"Barty secretly adores you, James. Especially now that your a dad, says it does something for him." James barks out a laugh as I take a sip of my water.

"Well, I hope it does something for someone else too."

"You know it does." I grab his chin and pull him down for a kiss.

"Hm, good, because you being a mama does something for me too." Being a mama, I smile at the thought. He smiles before walking over and laying next to our baby, probably almost breaking her play pen.

"Don't break that, James Potter, or else."

"Very scary, darling."

"Or else no more c-" he cuts me off.

"Shush! Not around Renny." Renny, a nickname James and Sirius have convinced me is adorable, Remus laughs every time he hears it, saying one day she's going to kill Pads for it. He wraps an arm around our small baby, picking her up and getting out of the pen.

"Renny is sleeping." I kiss her chubby cheek, and walk up the stairs to her nursery quietly, James following behind closely. He lays her down in the dark green painted room, her crib sheets a bright yellow color, courtesy of James himself.

"Goodnight, my little love." James strokes her brown skin, tucking one of her curls out of her face. "My pretty girl." He smiles and steps away from the cribs edge to let me lean in and bid my child a goodnight.

"Goodnight, sweetpea." I kiss my fingers and press them lightly to her head. James links our fingers together, pulling me into our bedroom, the next room over. He let's go and takes off his shirt, he lays in our bed and watches me as I remove all of my silver jewelry, and the two gold rings that James married me with stay on my ring finger.

"You're a stunner, mami." James says, laying on his stomach.

"Mami, hm?"

"Yes." I smirk and unclip the carrier that was strapped to my chest.

"That's a new one." I walk over to our bed, laying beside him, he pulls me closer and kisses me deeply.

"You're such a beautiful mum, so so very handsome." He pushes a hand to the nape of my neck, pulling me in for a lighter kiss.

"You know what me and Mum were doing today?" I ask, coiling one of his curls around my finger, staring into his warm, brown eyes.

"What is that, ma?"

"We were talking about you."

"Good things I hope." He smiles.

"I couldn't say anything bad about you if I tried to. No, we were talking about a song I heard, made me dance and made me think about you."

"What song?"

"I think it was called Daddy Cool or something, but the part that made me think of you the most, it said, ‘shes crazy for her daddy, oh she believes in him’

made me think of you." He smiles tightly, he peppers kisses all over my face.

"Well, then, I'll remember for later."

"James?"

"Regulus?"

"Did you always want to be a dad?"

"Yes. Always. I would always hog babies if someone had one, one time I was playing with a baby, she had a fallen out eyelash and I tried to wipe it away, but ended up accidentally poking her in the eye, I cried after." He snickers. "What about you?"

"I've always wanted my own baby, yes. Living in that house with those people, I didn't know what love was but I wanted it. I wanted to have something to always love me. I thought, after Sirius left, there was nobody else in the world who loved me. Now I know what love feels like."

"What does it feel like to you, darling?"

"Warm, everywhere. You, Renny, Sirius, Remus, Dora, Dorcas, Barty, Ev, the list goes on. Love is everywhere, you just can't see it first glance. When we were going through a rough patch last year, at first glance you couldn't see a single loving thing, but if you looked closer you could see how you still pulled on my curls in my sleep, liking to see them pop back up. You didn't know I knew but when I figured it out, I would stay up until you thought it was safe to do it. I craved your touch back then, and all I had to do was ask for it." James kisses me again.

"I love you, Reggie."

"I love you, mon amour."

[dream-beyond-the-fantasy]

Angst questions reply

These are replies to Angst Questions asked by @curiousdamage on February 4, 2019 about Julie and Jimmy in Is This Love?  Don’t ask me what happened to the actual ask.  I think I left this post in drafts for so long because some answers spoil events in the story.  However, I think some of these events are subject to change.  I’ll still leave it under a “keep reading.” 

Julie

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid? Between six and seven months after giving birth to Lily, Julie finds herself pregnant again.  However, she started having severe pains while giving 8 month old Lily a bath.  She was having a miscarriage.  Julie tried calling Jimmy, but he was unreachable.  So, she called Johnny and Bobby, whoever could get there faster.  Julie was determined not to scare Lily, despite her fear and pain as she was losing her unborn child.  

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened?  Yes, it was actually Jimmy, to be honest.  There were two times during the early part of their relationship.  During the weekend that Julie lost her virginity to him, they had been using condoms.  But Jimmy neglected to tell her that there was a failure with at least two: one had broke and another had slipped off while he was inside her.   He felt guilty and awful about not telling her or even taking her to see a doctor afterward.  But he thought she would be okay, as he assumed she was on birth control pills.  Jimmy actually didn’t tell her about this until Thanksgiving, a day after he learned about the pregnancy.  Naturally, Julie was pissed and felt that he had betrayed the trust she had placed in him.  Julie obviously ended up forgiving him as he was the love of her life, father of her children, and a genuinely good guy who made a mistake and felt remorseful.  The second time was during/after their first big argument.  As I’ve previously stated, she wanted to go out drinking with friends for her 21st birthday, rather than the romantic dinner Jimmy had planned.  She did as she wanted, coming home quite a bit drunk and having to be carried in by a handsome male friend/classmate, which didn’t make her husband any happier.  In her inebriated state, Julie initiated sexual advances.  Sober and still upset with her, Jimmy reciprocated but ended up being rougher than usual.  When she woke up the next morning, Julie was alone in the living room, covered in a blanket and sporting a bruise or two.  It was the first time she had ever woken up alone after sex and that loneliness made her cry.  Jimmy was still a bit cold to her days afterward and they continued to have small fights, leading her to move in with Johnny for a few weeks.  Then she found out she was pregnant.  They forgave each other and reconciled.  But it took a little bit longer for them to get comfortable enough to make love to each other again.  When they did, Jimmy made sure that he was slow and gentle.

6. Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?  No, I don’t Julie has committed a crime, at least not knowingly.  She never took drugs that were not prescribed.  She never drank underage.  She waited until she was eighteen to have sex, but in hindsight, she sometimes wishes she waited a bit longer.  She has done a few things she felt were wrong at the time, such as getting married and deciding to raise the babies, instead of putting them up for adoption.  However, she doesn’t regret doing them, as she can’t imagine what her life would have been like if she made another choice.

Jimmy

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why?  Jimmy isn’t someone who would commit murder, unless he was pushed to extreme limits.  If someone was responsible for hurting or the deaths of Julie or their children, then it is possible that he would kill them.  I know it isn’t much of an answer, but it would be too dark and depressing to think about.

13. What does it take to make your character cry?  Jimmy will cry if he is worried about losing or has lost someone that he cares about.  Or if he feels such deep guilt and regret over something he has done wrong, especially if it has a big impact on someone else.  He has cried tears of joy at the births of all of his children just because he felt such an overwhelming rush of emotion, such as love for Julie and each child she brought into the world, pride in his family, thankfulness, pure happiness, and so many more that he can’t put a name to.

16. What are your character’s vices and bad habits?  Jimmy has smoked a few joints and cigarettes, but they were easy habits to quit.  His brother Thomas jokes that he and Julie have a sex addiction and thinks that they are too into public displays of affection.  Jimmy believes that he and Julie have sex and show each other affection as much as any normal happy couple who are completely in love with each other.  He also doesn’t care what anyone thinks about it.  Julie did have to point out that grabbing and pinching her ass so much in front of the kids probably wasn’t such a great idea.  She had to bring this up when one of their young sons did that to her because he “saw Daddy do it to Mommy” and didn’t understand what it meant or what the big deal was.  One vice he has is food.  Jimmy may live a healthy lifestyle, but he likes to indulge in food and sweets, every so often.  He likes to go out to new restaurants, even though he tries to keep it to certain days of the month.

[climbingmountainsblog]

What To Expect When You're Expecting

Oct 18th, 2019

Yes, you read the title correct, I am expecting. I waited to publish this post, as I didn't want to have to write a pregnancy post followed by another miscarriage post. I can happily say, I am 13 weeks pregnant and I actually cannot believe it. The word "happy" does not even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now.

I took several pregnancy tests, and then got my partner to get a digital to confirm, it was there in front of me - "pregnant".

All sorts of emotions were running through my mind, excitement, fear of loss, happiness, nerves.

The first few weeks really did drag, I had an ultrasound at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Suite when I was a little over 7 weeks, it went really well, the scan was very clear and the sonographer actually said it was the easiest ultrasound of the day.

At a little over 8 weeks I paid for a private ultrasound as the anxiety was too much, and much to my surprise that ultrasound went amazing too! There was my little bean on the screen with a strong heartbeat.

Yes, I got anxious again, well let's face it, the anxiety never left.  I paid for another private ultrasound and this time I was a little over 9 weeks, I was very nervous for this ultrasound. I sat in the waiting room, I felt sick and my palms were sweaty and a little shaky, eventually it was my turn to be seen and we walked in, I hopped up on the bed and nervously awaited. Very quickly the sonographer turned on the screen and showed us our baby, we even saw the baby move, this was truly amazing. We left feeling on top of the world.

I'm still beyond nervous, scared to buy anything, scared to let myself believe this is truly it for me, but so far so good. I've never made it this far.

I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.

[nursingwriter]

Lower Abdominal Pain Patient: Patient is a 30-year-old female presenting with lower abdominal pain, beginning approximately 48-hour previous to her exam. Over the last few days, her pain has increased, and she reports vaginal bleeding that is scanty. She did have a normal menstrual period that ending two-weeks prior, and she indicates this was normal and lasted about 4 days. She is Gravida 2, Para -0, Miscarriage -- 2, and has been attempting to conceive with her husband. In addition, she denies dysuria or urinary frequency. Vaginal bleeding after sex; inflammation of cervix from friction during sex, usually harmless and clear up quickly. It is possible that the issue could be something more serious (cervical dysplasia or cancer), but more likely inadequate lubrication or foreplay, possibly injury to the uterine lining. Vaginitis is another possible cause, all of which require a vaginal examination (Mayo Clinic, 2014). Pseydocyesis (False pregnancy). This is based on psychological issues of trying to conceive, previous period, and vaginal bleeding. This could be something as simple as vaginal irritation from excessive intercourse, it could also be a false pregnancy or other irritation of the vaginal linings (Daines). 2) We do not know the patient's weight or BMI. In addition, exercise level and nutirional assessment have not been performed. Therefore, Amenorrhea secondary to athletics, anorexia or bulimia are possible conclusions. Considering this particular patient's age and gender (a female adolescent), extreme weight loss and/or cachectic state is one of the causes of amenorrhea (Dains, et al., 2012) 3. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome -- one of the most common causes of amenorrhea -- approximately 20% of cases of secondary or primary amenorrhea attributed to PCOS. This is a condition in which there are various imbalances of the female sex hormones, leading to menstrual changes, potential cysts, or other irritations (Adams, 2002. 4. Amenorrhea secondary to hypothyroidism. Once pregnancy is ruled out, the next indicated step would be to check TSH and prolactin levels for hypothyroidism and hyperprolactinemia as the indications for these as the etiology are high (Adams, 2002) 5. Amenorrhea secondary to hyperprolactinemia. An imbalance of high levels of prolactin in the blood that can not only change issues within lactation, but also hormonal imbalances in the reproductive system that may result in bleeding or discomfort (Master-Hunter, 2006). Assessment Issues/Diagnostic testing: 1) Serum HCG: First, any sort of pregnancy must be ruled out using laboratory testing (primary, secondary causation regardless of sexual activity). Since client admits to trying to get pregnant, the tests are precautionary and the more likely issue is scaring or trauma to the vaginal walls (Adams, 2002). 2) Labs: Estrogen level, LH level, FSH level, testosterone level, thyroid function tests, FBS, Lipids, prolactin level (to help guide whether the symptomology is related to the ovaries, hypothalamus, pituitary gland, thyroid) (Adams, 2002) 3) Pelvic and vaginal Ultrasound: The examination is used to outline the structure and feel of the uterus, including thickness, potential tumors, or other leasons. The ultrasound is powerful enough to identify size, developmental level of follicles, or presence of trauma. Patients who have manifested any sor of amenorrhea benefit from the ultrasound to assess for either mullerian or gonadal irregulatories (Dains el at., 2012). 4) Progesterone Challenge Test: This may or may not be necessary in this case -- but involves giving the patient oral DMPA for 7-10 days. Positive results show that there is enough estrogen for positive endometrium blood flow (Dains el at., 2012). 5) Chromosome Analysis (Karyotyping): This is a possibility that is done if all else fails and looks for abnormalities within the chromosomes, specifically within abnormal development in reproductive organs (Dains el at., 2012). REFERENCES Adams, P.J. (2002). Menstruation in Young Girls: A Clinical Perspective. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 99(4), 655-662 Boston Children's Hospital (2011). Amenorrhea. Retrieved from: http://www.childrenshospital.org/health-topics/conditions/amenorrhea Dains, J.E., Baumann, L.C., & Scheibel, P. (2012). Amenorrhea. In J.E. Dains, L.C. Baumann. & P. Scheibel, Advanced Health Assessment & Clinical Diagnosis in Primary Care (4th ed., pp. 46- 60). St. Louis, MO: Mosby. Master-Hunter, T. & Heiman, D. (2006) Amenorrhea: Evaluation and Management. American Family Physician 73(8): 1374-1382. Mayo Clinic. (2014). Vaginal Bleeding After Sex. Retrieved from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/bleeding-after-vaginal-sex/basics/definition/sym-20050716 Notes: Medical terms, medical diagnosis, and medical phrases are generally not considered plagiarism because they are part of the common medical lexicon: Read the full article

[bookworrm1999]

How Far Away? Part 8

Caleb x Mc

Tags: unplanned pregnancy, presumed death, depression, miscommunication

Miscarriage scare

Summary: Mc and Caleb fight right before he goes on a long mission into space. Caleb ends up MIA while Mc finds out she's pregnant. She struggles to deal with the grief while Caleb is fighting for his life to make it back home to her.

AO3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Epilogue

Why did you feel this way? What happened?

The light filtering through the curtains, touching your face but you don’t open your eyes.

You still feel like everything had been a dream.

**

“Please don’t let me lose you, you’re all I have left of Caleb. Please baby, just stay with me!”

You frantically shut the camera off, the video automatically sending in the message thread you had open. Paying it no mind as you scrambled through your contacts to call your OB’s emergency line.

As it rings, you start picking the skin off your lips, the pain grounding you as you what for your doctor to pick up.

“Please, please, please… Oh yes! I’m having some bleeding and it looks like it’s quite a bit. What do I do?!”

Your mind spirals as your OB’s kind but firm voice tells you what to do.

“You need to head to the nearest hospital, I’ll meet you there. They’ll check you out to see what’s going on.”

“I’m in Skyhaven right now.”

“Ok, I won’t be able to make it until tomorrow but I’ll send your primary care physician ahead since he’ll most likely will be able to get there before me.”

Zayne.

Oh good, a familiar face will help ground you.

Heading outside, grabbing a bag and throwing a few essentials in. Leaving a small trail of red drops of blood behind you on the floor.

You’d worry about cleaning that later.

Sitting on the shuttle, your poor lips are torn to shreds as you worry over what could’ve happened.

Had your anxiety worked your mental state to such a bad place that it was affecting the baby?

You laid a hand over your belly, a little rolling sensation makes you feel a bit better. They’re still alive but something was wrong.

Closing your eyes, you made a promise to your little bean, I promise to visit a therapist just stay with me ok?

Reaching the stop for Willow Medical Center, you exit and head for the doors leading to the main lobby for the Emergency Department.

Your legs shaking, you hadn’t even bothered to clean up the blood off your legs due to shock. Everybody was staring at you with concern, a small trail of blood leading behind you.

“Hello, could I get some help?” You stutter this out, now shaking uncontrollably.

Your vision starts to go a bit white as you falter, falling a bit to land your hands on the reception desk.

They grab you and bring you back in a wheelchair all while trying to ask you questions.

“I’m pregnant, I’m bleeding.” You’re so scared that all you can do is hand them your id and medical card from your purse as you start to panic.

The nurses help you into a bed, still asking questions, something about how far along you are?

They manage to pull up your chart, now asking you when the bleeding started.

You start to dissociate, what would you do if you lost your baby?

It’s all you have left from Caleb.

Maybe, maybe if your baby has to go to heaven to be with their daddy. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you went too.

“She’s currently 19 weeks along, I’m her primary care doctor. I’m here because she has a heart condition that has to be monitored during pregnancy.”

Oh, you knew that voice. That voice was safe.

“Dr. Zayne?”

“I’m here.”

“What happened?”

“They’re currently looking at the scans but it’s looking like it’s a slight placental abruption.”

“What… what is that?”

“It’s when the placenta pulls away a bit from the uterine wall, it looks like it’s small but you are losing blood so it can turn serious if we aren’t quick to fix it.”

“What do I have to do?”

“Nothing, we’ll take you into surgery and all you have to do is rest.”

“Will my baby be okay?”

“They should be fine as long as we fix this.”

“Good, that’s good.” The worry melted off of you and your body’s burden lessened, you drifted off trusting Zayne to take care of it.

**

If it was morning now, that meant that you had been here the whole night. Was the surgery done? Was your baby ok?

Stretching your legs out a bit, you sighed and moaned a bit from the stiffness and the slight pain in your stomach.

There was a comforting pressure on your stomach, how nice.

Sleepily opening your eyes, you blinked a few times as the world came back into view.

Caleb sat in a wheelchair next to you, fast asleep, bent over the side of the bed with his hand resting over your stomach.

Smiling, you took in the sight.

Sometimes your brain was nice enough to give you such realistic images outside of dreams, it was like Caleb was really here.

Even his hand on your stomach felt so real, like he had descended from heaven just to check on his baby himself.

Caleb looked so real that you couldn’t help but reach out and touch his hair.

The softness that met your hand made you freeze in disbelief. Combing your fingers through the strands just to make sure.

This was too real to be a hallucination.

The figment stirred under your hand, sighing softly as he rose up to blink blearily at you.

That’s when you notice the dark circles under his eyes, so dark that they look like two black eyes.

His face is thin and drawn.

Lips cracked, his hair dried in weird directions after being heavily laden with sweat.

His eyes now trained on you, the purple of his eyes still bright and happy despite how he appears physically.

“You’re awake.” The figment speaks.

You’re stunned, how was this possible, was he really here?

You reach out again and lightly trace his cheek.

Caleb nuzzles into your hand, his own free one coming to lay over yours. His other hand is still cradling your belly.

“It’s me, I’m back.”

The familiar words make you cry, he had beaten the odds and come home to you once more.

“Hey don’t cry squeaks.”

This just makes you cry more and he struggles to get up but he slides into the bed with you.

Cradling you against his chest so reverently that it’s like he views you as a precious piece of art.

Thumping your fist against his chest, not really wanting to hurt him but you were so sad and angry all at the same time.

“How could you come back and say that stupid lame line again?”

He chuckles a bit brokenly before pressing a light kiss to your forehead. Caleb’s thumb swiping soothing circles against your belly.

“It’s such a good line though.”

“I thought you were dead again. How could you do that to me?”

“I’m sorry baby. I never meant to, our ship was sabotaged and we were being sucked into a black hole.”

Your hands grasped at his matching hospital gown, pulling him to you, letting him know with your body language that you weren’t letting him go ever again.

“I used my evol to get us loose but our communications were down and I ended up working so hard that I blacked out. I woke up here and I found you as soon as I could.”

“I’m just so happy you’re here but also mad.”

“Yeah I get that. I was a bit of a dumbass before I left.”

“A bit?” He laughs

“Okay maybe a lot of a dumbass….” He pauses “I saw all the messages and videos you sent.”

All of the things you sent, you feel a bit embarrassed and worried at his reaction to some of the things you sent not knowing he’d see them.

“All of them huh, so you know I’m pregnant?”

“Yes.” He cradles you close, rubbing your belly. “I’m so happy.”

You pause and try to move but his arms are too tight around you.

“The baby! I haven’t heard if they’re okay or not!”

“The baby’s fine, they were able to fix the tear in your placenta.”

You go limp with relief before looking at him with suspicion

“How do you know that?”

He avoids your gaze before slowly saying

“I may have looked at your chart to make sure you were okay.”

“Same old Caleb, always nosing into things.”

“I thought you had said you didn’t recognize me anymore.”

“No, after thinking about it. I realized that you were right, you were always like this but you just kept it more lowkey before you died the first time.”

“Hey! I never meant to die either of those times!”

“Still doesn’t change the fact that I’ve grieved both of those deaths now.”

Caleb runs a hand down his face before laughing

“You’re going to hold those deaths over my head for the rest of my life, aren’t you?”

“Oh you’re never getting out of it.”

“As long as you’re still by my side, I don’t mind.”

Your argument before he had left those months ago, weighs heavy in your mind now. He almost seems to read your thoughts because he asks

“Marry me?”

“What?”

“Will you marry me? I can’t let a guy like Zayne get ahead of me like that.”

Oh right, you had told him in that video before.

“I never even had the chance to be your girlfriend.”

“Will you be my girlfriend so we can get married later?” This boy.

“Ha! Okay Caleb, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Caleb fist pumped in celebration and you laughed happily together.

You sat there cuddling each other happily, content to not even move.

There were a lot of things that still needed to be discussed, things that Caleb knew he had to take care of and tell you about.

For now though, you just wanted to be in each other’s company.

“So where’s my welcome home kiss?”

“I don’t know if you deserve one?” Caleb pouts, shooting you those puppy dog eyes that you can’t resist.

“Please? I worked so hard to get back to you.”

You roll your eyes, but it’s true, so you lean forward and kiss him. Your lips both a bit dry but the feeling loosens something in your chest.

Tears stream down both of your faces

“I’m so happy you’re home.”

“Me too.” He looks down at your belly, awed at the sight, wiping your face free of tears.

“I still can’t believe that I’m going to be a dad.”

“ I can, I’ve been living through this one making me sick at every moment.”

“I’ll be here to help you now.”

“I know. I missed you but I’m not so sure I missed mama Caleb. No locking me up or I’ll lock you up after shooting my way out.”

“At least I’ll have some experience in taking care of someone to help me along.”

“No avoiding this Caleb, I mean it, no locking me up anymore. We talk about things and deal with things together. That’s what this relationship means.”

“I know.” Caleb sighs before soldiering on “It’s not just about us anymore though, we have this little one to worry about too. Don’t worry though, I’m going to tell you everything after we get out of the hospital ok?”

“You had better or I’ll be serious on my threat, I’ll lock you up and see how you like it.”

“Sounds kinky.”

“You know what I meant, jerk.”

A nurse comes in, not fazed by seeing Caleb also in bed.

“Good morning, your doctor will be in shortly, I’m just here to take some blood and see if you need anything. Your vitals are looking good. Your little one is doing just fine too”

You sign, relieved at this before saying

“We could use some water, please.”

“Absolutely, just let me grab these labs and I’ll be back with that.”

She takes your blood without an issue before leaving the room.

The OB from your regular medical center comes in right after.

“Oh! Hello! I wasn’t expecting to see another person in here! Good morning, how are we feeling?”

“Relieved, they said my baby looks fine.” The OB brings up your vital set, looking at it as she gestures to examine your belly.

“Looks like the surgery worked well, I’m not feeling anything worrying so that’s good. You should be able to leave either tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.”

“Thank you for coming out here.”

The OB waves her hand, shooing that thought away

“Oh no trouble at all, you’re my patient after all. How are you doing mentally?”

“Much better actually, turns out my boyfriend wasn’t dead after all. So we’re feeling good.”

Caleb waves, having stayed silent this whole time just listening.

“Hello boyfriend! I’m so happy for you. Sounds like quite a story, I’d love to hear it sometime. Hopefully this will help your pregnancy progress much smoother! Oh remember that you have an anatomy scan in 3 days, so don’t forget to make it and I hope to see you again boyfriend!”

The OB leaves, leaving a cheery air in her wake.

“Boyfriend hmm? Already so eager to shake a claim on me?”

“You made me wait so many months to get to this point so you can shut up.”

“Alright alright! It just made me happy to hear you call me that.”

You poke his chest indignantly

“Well get used to it, you’re never getting rid of me.”

“Good. Whatever you say mama.”

You squeak a bit before tickling him in retaliation.

The morning began on a bright and hopeful note.

The issues that Caleb needed to deal with and tell you about still lingering on the horizon. The thought of what Ever could do if they found out about your baby.

They could wait until tomorrow.

Tags: @moonberry69 @supermyeon22 @tinnyrabbit @gavin3469 @marina27826 @crowleysthings @tabi-callico @midiplier

@his-ocean-emissary @rosalyne08

@xaviers-pookie-bear @tsunamethyst @thejujvtsupost @cherrybeomgyu

@gojosballsack69 @apple-lov3r @dinochocochip @violetpurplez @raiyuxa @nickibunny23 @sh3sa1dwhat @playboygeniusphilanthropist @flwerie @lynnlovesthestars @twilightsmissingfur @kasuumi @i-messed-up-big-time @mcdepressed290 @mc-cos-charm

[heidisney]

My pregnancy journey was not an easy one.

I knew I was pregnant when I started spotting instead of having my period. I thought it was normal but thank goodness I consulted my OB asap because she told me that spotting can lead to miscarriage. She then gave me pampakapit meds good for 1 month. At 5 weeks, I had my TVS and only a sac was seen, no embryo. It scared me so much that I kept thinking what if I'll have blighted ovum. My OB told me to wait for few weeks more before repeating my TVS. Thankfully at 8 weeks, there's already an embryo with a heartbeat. I can't thank God enough in that moment because finally, I'm really pregnant. Despite me taking my meds and being in complete bed rest, my spotting was on and off during 1st trimester.

Come 2nd trimester, my spotting is still on and off and my TVS showed that I have subchronic hemorrhage. This made me anxious and stressed because I was already doing my very best to rest and take meds regularly but I'm still spotting. My OB gave me additional pampakapit meds and extended my bedrest. I think I was on bedrest for almost 2 months. Luckily, I have saved enough sick leaves at work. After few weeks of taking meds again, my spotting has finally stopped. At 26 weeks (6 months), I requested my OB to check my blood pressure because I felt really dizzy like the world is spinning and my head felt weird. My BP was 140/90 which was again a problem for me. High BP is not good for pregnant women because it can lead to pre eclampsia and placenta previa. I was in panic again just right before the start of my 3rd trimester. I took BP meds and dieted to regulate my BP.

At 3rd trimester, my OB injected me dexamethasone to advance the development of my baby's lungs because I am at risk of preterm labor. At 7 months, I felt dizzy again so i kept checking my BP but it was normal. I had my blood tests done. My cholesterol, LDL, and triglycerides sky rocketed. My OB told me that I can't take meds for cholesterol so diet was my only option. How problematic can I be lol. Then come 35 weeks and 6 days, the biggest problem surprised and caught me off guard... MY WATER BROKE!!! It's not safe to give birth at 36 weeks below because the baby might not be fully developed at that time. So many negative thoughts clouded my mind like what if my baby is not okay, what if something bad will happen to her, what if she stays at nicu for several days/weeks/months, or what if she wouldn't make it. But at that time, I just thought that I needed to be strong for my baby, so I calmed myself by praying.

I called my OB and she scheduled me for an emergency CS. I was wide awake during my operation and it wasn't as scary as I had imagined. I felt really excited to see my baby girl and kept praying for her safety. After a few minutes, I heard my baby cry and they showed her to me. That was the happiest moment of my life. She was so small and precious. Everything was done just like that. It was like the craziest roller coaster ride. The pediatrician told me that my little one was on oxygen for an hour or two. After that, she already knew how to breathe on her own. Just how strong my little fighter is, right? I adore and admire her so much. I was so thankful and grateful that she could come home with me after my 2 days recovery at the hospital.

That ends my crazy-problematic-pregnancy journey but it was all worth it in the end. Thank you, God and Jesus. 🤍🤍🤍

[magicalgothpandamaker]

I know most people will never understand the feeling of losing a baby you never got to hold. I know most people won't understand the struggles of getting pregnant after that loss. I know it has to be frustrating hearing someone constantly talk about that healthy pregnancy. All I ask is to please be patient with those people. I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant on December 23rd of 2022, we found out mid January of 2023 that my baby had lost their heartbeat at 7 weeks. We went in for a couple more ultrasounds to make sure there was no heartbeat so we could go though with a D&C since I couldn't miscarry on my own. February 8th of 2023 I fully lost that baby. I would've given birth in late August but instead of giving birth to my first baby I found out I was pregnant. At first I thought that getting pregnant so soon after the miscarriage would help my healing. Little did I know it wouldn't help at all, in fact it just made things harder. Not that I don't love my son, I love my son with every part of my being, but that doesn't make it any easier. With everything that had happened right after the miscarriage, something I will share eventually but not yet, made everything so much harder. I hadn't been able to fully process my grief before getting pregnant again. While I'm 7 months pregnant at the time of writing this I also should've been holding a 7 month old baby. I know it's frustrating, irritating, annoying, and repetitive to hear me talk about my pregnancy and my son as often as I do but I promise I don't do it to irritate people. I do it because this is new and scary for me, for all the same reasons it is for any new mother but also because I'm scared that the smallest thing is going to cause me to lose another baby. I'm scared that each appointment I go to I'm going to be told he has no heartbeat, that the slightest pain is me losing him, that when he's not as active as usual that means something happened. The more I talk about him and the healthy pregnancy the more that means that he's still there and I still have stuff to share. I'm still grieving the loss of my first baby while learning to be a mother. I know some people out there don't like to acknowledge miscarriages as losing a child because you never met them and you never held them, but to me that is why it hurts so much. I lost someone that I was so excited to meet that I never got to and won't ever get to until it's my time to leave this world. So with that please have patience with me when it seems like I'm talking too much about my son. I'm not meaning to be annoying, I'm just excited to be experiencing a healthy pregnancy.

[themultifandomgal]

Matt- Trying For A Baby/Finding Out

Trigger warning- struggles with conceiving, miscarriage, high risk pregnancy

A year after we married Matt and I had a baby scare, when the tests came back negative we both felt disappointed. So we decided we would actively try for a baby. I came off the pill all together and after trying for 6 months I found out I was pregnant, excitedly I told Matt, but 3 weeks later I was in the hospital having a miscarriage. I was then told that I would find it hard to conceive and if I do I might loose the baby again. So Matt and I decided to stop trying and we will look into our different options when we're ready.

7 months later I found out I was pregnant again.

I place the test down on the counter top with shaking hands am I excited? Yes. But am I nervous? Most definitely. I leave the bathroom conjoined to mine and Matts bedroom where I find Matt getting dressed for the day

"Matt" I whisper

"Is everything ok?" He frowns looking at me

"I think I'm pregnant"

"Have you taken a test?" Matt walks over to me. I nods my head and point into the bathroom. Matt goes in to get the test while I go and sit on our bed "well we know what we need to do"

"Matt I'm scared" I can feel tears prick my eyes

"I know. I know. But this time we know that you need to take the next few months steadily. No matter what happens we will be ok. I've got you" Matt wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight while I cry into him.

After having the pregnancy confirmed I start to show sighs of preeclampsia, so now I'm practically on bed rest

"How are you feeling today?" Kelly asks seeing me on the couch while Matt has gone to get me some of my craved food

"Tired. Got a headache. I know I've told Matt how scared I am and he said we will be ok no matter what happens, but Kel what if I do loose the baby? Normally after 3 months you can relax but I can't, I could loose this baby at any moment. I'm scared to hear their heartbeat then loosing them" I burst into tears. Kelly comes to sit on the couch and hugs me

"Matt wouldn't lie to you. If he said that you both will be ok then you have to believe that. Your being closely watched during this pregnancy right?" I nod my head but don't say anything "so you need to relax a little because I'm sure stress isn't going to help"

"I know. Nat told me that but it's hard. How's Matt? I feel like he's letting me be scared but what about him? How's he doing?"

"He's scared, more scared for you"

"What do you mean?" I frown

"He's scared that if you do loose the baby that you'll become depressed. He's scared that you might leave him"

"I would never...." thats when I realise that I've not been considering Matts feelings at all, what kind of wife does that make me?

When Matt returns I practically run off the couch and wrap my arms around him

"I'm sorry"

"What for?" Matt asks confused

"For being selfish. You've let me worry and cry and say my fears but I've not let you do any of that"

"Babe, look at me" I look up at Matt, who places his hands on my face  "yes I'm scared, but your the one carrying this baby. Your hormones will be all over the place and I can't begin to imagine how that feels. Your the one who has to carry this baby and give birth and I can't begin to know the pressure you must be facing. I love you and I'm here for you throughout all of this. I know your here for me as well" Matt again holds me close to him

"I love you Matt and I appreciate you"

"I love you too. I got you. We're going to be ok. I promise"

[nursingwriter]

Lower Abdominal Pain Patient: Patient is a 30-year-old female presenting with lower abdominal pain, beginning approximately 48-hour previous to her exam. Over the last few days, her pain has increased, and she reports vaginal bleeding that is scanty. She did have a normal menstrual period that ending two-weeks prior, and she indicates this was normal and lasted about 4 days. She is Gravida 2, Para -0, Miscarriage -- 2, and has been attempting to conceive with her husband. In addition, she denies dysuria or urinary frequency. Vaginal bleeding after sex; inflammation of cervix from friction during sex, usually harmless and clear up quickly. It is possible that the issue could be something more serious (cervical dysplasia or cancer), but more likely inadequate lubrication or foreplay, possibly injury to the uterine lining. Vaginitis is another possible cause, all of which require a vaginal examination (Mayo Clinic, 2014). Pseydocyesis (False pregnancy). This is based on psychological issues of trying to conceive, previous period, and vaginal bleeding. This could be something as simple as vaginal irritation from excessive intercourse, it could also be a false pregnancy or other irritation of the vaginal linings (Daines). 2) We do not know the patient's weight or BMI. In addition, exercise level and nutirional assessment have not been performed. Therefore, Amenorrhea secondary to athletics, anorexia or bulimia are possible conclusions. Considering this particular patient's age and gender (a female adolescent), extreme weight loss and/or cachectic state is one of the causes of amenorrhea (Dains, et al., 2012) 3. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome -- one of the most common causes of amenorrhea -- approximately 20% of cases of secondary or primary amenorrhea attributed to PCOS. This is a condition in which there are various imbalances of the female sex hormones, leading to menstrual changes, potential cysts, or other irritations (Adams, 2002. 4. Amenorrhea secondary to hypothyroidism. Once pregnancy is ruled out, the next indicated step would be to check TSH and prolactin levels for hypothyroidism and hyperprolactinemia as the indications for these as the etiology are high (Adams, 2002) 5. Amenorrhea secondary to hyperprolactinemia. An imbalance of high levels of prolactin in the blood that can not only change issues within lactation, but also hormonal imbalances in the reproductive system that may result in bleeding or discomfort (Master-Hunter, 2006). Assessment Issues/Diagnostic testing: 1) Serum HCG: First, any sort of pregnancy must be ruled out using laboratory testing (primary, secondary causation regardless of sexual activity). Since client admits to trying to get pregnant, the tests are precautionary and the more likely issue is scaring or trauma to the vaginal walls (Adams, 2002). 2) Labs: Estrogen level, LH level, FSH level, testosterone level, thyroid function tests, FBS, Lipids, prolactin level (to help guide whether the symptomology is related to the ovaries, hypothalamus, pituitary gland, thyroid) (Adams, 2002) 3) Pelvic and vaginal Ultrasound: The examination is used to outline the structure and feel of the uterus, including thickness, potential tumors, or other leasons. The ultrasound is powerful enough to identify size, developmental level of follicles, or presence of trauma. Patients who have manifested any sor of amenorrhea benefit from the ultrasound to assess for either mullerian or gonadal irregulatories (Dains el at., 2012). 4) Progesterone Challenge Test: This may or may not be necessary in this case -- but involves giving the patient oral DMPA for 7-10 days. Positive results show that there is enough estrogen for positive endometrium blood flow (Dains el at., 2012). 5) Chromosome Analysis (Karyotyping): This is a possibility that is done if all else fails and looks for abnormalities within the chromosomes, specifically within abnormal development in reproductive organs (Dains el at., 2012). REFERENCES Adams, P.J. (2002). Menstruation in Young Girls: A Clinical Perspective. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 99(4), 655-662 Boston Children's Hospital (2011). Amenorrhea. Retrieved from: http://www.childrenshospital.org/health-topics/conditions/amenorrhea Dains, J.E., Baumann, L.C., & Scheibel, P. (2012). Amenorrhea. In J.E. Dains, L.C. Baumann. & P. Scheibel, Advanced Health Assessment & Clinical Diagnosis in Primary Care (4th ed., pp. 46- 60). St. Louis, MO: Mosby. Master-Hunter, T. & Heiman, D. (2006) Amenorrhea: Evaluation and Management. American Family Physician 73(8): 1374-1382. Mayo Clinic. (2014). Vaginal Bleeding After Sex. Retrieved from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/bleeding-after-vaginal-sex/basics/definition/sym-20050716 Notes: Medical terms, medical diagnosis, and medical phrases are generally not considered plagiarism because they are part of the common medical lexicon: Read the full article

[curiousfancy]

{Photo from the time of the events}

In the summer of 2015, I had an abortion. I’ve never talked about it until today. But in the light of the most powerful democracy on earth striking down the right to abortion access, I feel it’s important to share my story.

You see, I didn’t actually want to have an abortion. Yet I’m thankful that I did. It was this one fact that kept me from talking about it all these years - I was terrified that the anti-choice brigade would come across my story and twist it to support their punitive, inhumane views. When I found myself staring at a positive pregnancy test on a July afternoon 7 years ago, my heart sank because I knew that there was no possible way I could have a baby at that point.

Living as an unmarried woman without any family support in India is hard enough, but if I added a pregnancy to that mix, I had absolutely no doubt that I’d be made homeless, again. And having been homeless less than two years ago, I was prepared to do anything to not fall into that nightmare again. Moving to the U.K. to be with Owen was also out of the question as we didn’t yet meet the U.K. home office’s draconian list of conditions for me to enter the country. And since we were both dependent on his PhD stipend for support, he couldn’t quite abandon the only steady source of income we had between the two of us to be jobless and homeless with me in India.

There’s this myth prevalent among anti-choice goons that women who want abortions use it as a form of birth control and practically skip to the clinic in glee. That we never even consider alternatives, so bloodthirsty are we for terminating our pregnancies. My experience with my unwanted pregnancy couldn’t be farther from that myth. After considering all possible options and finding that there were none, I decided that an abortion was the only way forward. I’m lucky that I lived in a country with safe, legal abortion access but even then the attitudes I faced were far from exemplary or even helpful.

Of the family I had left, people who had known me since the day I was born suddenly found themselves unable to look me in the eye or speak to me without scorn. The first gynaecologist I saw tried to convince me that if I decided to abort, I would never be able to get pregnant again as I was too fat and too old (this was a month before my 30th birthday.) When I went online to look for information on 1st trimester medical abortions (which is what mine was and the majority of abortions are) I was greeted with a barrage of anti choice websites filled with images of what I later realised were late stage miscarriages and stillbirths. Even now, thinking of the shameless hypocrisy and bad faith contained in those ghoulish sites makes me seethe.

My actual abortion was the easiest part of the entire ordeal. I took my 4 pills of misoprostol, rolled up some massive joints for pain relief, put on some music and danced to relieve my cramps as Owen stayed on a video call with me. After two hours of labour style contractions, I passed a tiny little lump of tissue into my sanitary pad and the pain stopped instantly. It was very much an undifferentiated blob of tissue, about the size of a small chicken nugget with nothing to distinguish it from say, a surgically removed tumour. A far cry from the images of stillborn foetuses with which those anti-abortion websites had tried to scare me. I was just shy of 10 weeks pregnant.

Do I wish I’d had that pregnancy in different circumstances where I could have allowed it to continue to term? The answer is yes, I do. Do I also feel thankful that I had relatively easy access to abortion care that allowed me to live my life on my own terms instead of pitching me back into the nightmare I’d just escaped but this time with a baby in tow? Abortion laws that allowed me to flourish and grow and eventually become pregnant with my daughter 3 years later when I was ready for a child? Also yes. It’s this choice that’s so fucking important and when you take that away, you take away our right to live life on our own terms.

I simply can’t imagine what my life would have looked like now if I’d been forced to continue with my pregnancy in 2015. For one, I wouldn’t be in the secure, content, and fulfilled place I am in now with my daughter who is loved and wanted instead of being resented as the product of a pregnancy that ruined my life. Striking down abortion access not only plunges the person who’s pregnant into suffering and misery, it also creates a whole generation of unwanted children who carry that trauma with them. It’s inhuman. It’s the worst kind of incursion into an individual’s bodily autonomy. No one who supports this has the right to call themselves human anymore. They’re just ghouls who feed on misery and trauma and thrive on the pain of others.

*although I’ve referred to pregnancy in relation to women in the paragraphs above, please take it to mean anyone with the capacity to become pregnant, regardless of gender. Safe and universal abortion access is a human rights issue, and not restricted to any one gender.

[danielxricciardo]

Hello! This is bit complicated prompt😅 though I read all your shots and I cannot imagine any write who can do this 🤩

Can you do one where Daniel is in middle of race and his wife is pregnant but have very delicate one though she insist on watching the race even though Daniel was very worried about her. Middle of race, her wife had a scare and brought at clinic, i just want to imagine Daniel in the radio when he heard the news. Also if you could include other drivers that got concerned for Daniel🏎🏎🏎

Summary: You have a high-risk pregnancy and during a race, you faint

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 1.2k

You don’t think anything prepares you for a high-risk pregnancy. Morning sickness started within days of conception, you were vomiting pretty much every day. You felt no movements until your 20-week ultrasound - turned out you had an anterior placenta, meaning that the placenta was at the front, masking your baby girl's kicks and rolls. You were on aspirin to help keep your blood pressure down, due to your previous hypertension and pre-eclampsia fears.

Daniel was a saint. He helped you in any way he could. But it still was rough. The constant traveling and the stress from his racing were all too much for you, but you wanted to be strong for your little family. You two wanted this child with your whole heart. Especially considering the fact this was your second pregnancy. Your second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Utterly devastating; sent you into the worst depression you've ever experienced.

Your family and friends were always checking on you. They were worried for your health and the little girl's health too. When you were at a race, everyone would ask you if you need anything and you were not allowed to stay up on your feet for a long time.

"I need to go in a few, baby," Daniel tells you, kneeling in front of you. "Need anything?"

You smile and caress his cheek.

"I'm ok."

"Michael is here and he'll keep an eye on you, ok? Tell him if you need anything."

"I know. It's the same as the last race. And the race before," you tell him laughing and then you kiss him.

You loved the way he wanted to make sure you are fine. You were now entering your 30-week of pregnancy and he was extra careful now. Sometimes you were begging him to go to practice. You hated the fact he was under so much stress because of you, but it was not your fault you were having a high-risk pregnancy.

"Be careful, baby, ok?" he asked and you could see in his eyes the desperation.

"I'm supposed to say that..."

It was the Russian Grand Prix. Daniel qualified P5 and it was set to be a pretty chill race. Everybody in the Renault garage was sure your boyfriend can defend his position with ease.

Michael came near you, handing you a bottle of water. You accept the water bottle and take a sip.

It was already halfway through the race and Daniel had kept his position. You were happy to see that he manages and he feels good behind the wheel. But you were 7 months pregnant and you needed to go to the bathroom. You heard Daniel needs to come in the pits to switch to hards so you figured it was now a good time to go to the bathroom.

"Hey," you get Michael's attention. "I'm going to the bathroom real quick, ok?"

"Want me to go with you?" you shoot him a stare. "You know what I meant, Y/N."

"I'm fine, really, I just need to pee."

Maybe it was the rapid way you got up from the chair, but you got dizzy and fainted. The feeling you get when you pass out is a weird one. It's like you know you’re about to lose consciousness, but you’re powerless to stop it. You start hearing like a whirring sound, then your vision gets blurry, your heart feels heavy, breathing becomes increasingly more difficult, then finally you lose control of your body. Everything just went kinda black after that, the only thing you remember is the sound your head made when you fell on the ground. You tried your best to fight it, but you only got more exhausted the harder you tried to remain conscious.

Without you being able to know, everyone around you became frantic. It was almost like they forgot about Daniel coming into the pits, but his race engineer told him something unexpected happened and to come to pits later.

"Ok, copy that," he tells via radio. "What happened anyway?"

"Don't worry about it, Daniel, pit in next lap."

Silence fell over the radio.

"It's Y/N?"

Again, the driver was met with silence and he became anxious with every second. He made up his mind. He will go to the pits the next lap and will retire the car. He can't race knowing his girlfriend, that has a high-risk pregnancy, isn't feeling well.

So that's what he did. His race engineer kept telling him to just do another lap, but he stopped his car into the pits and the race was over for him.

After a while, the drivers started to ask their race engineers what happened with Daniel because he was still out of the race. They got the same answer 'he retired the car'. And everybody knows that Daniel will retire the car only if you are not feeling well. So, the next logical question the drivers asked was 'is Y/N ok?' but there was no answer to that.

You were in the medical center. You were awake now. The doctor was doing a lot of tests on you to determine what caused the sudden blood pressure drop from your usual 120/70 to 90/55. You just wanted to know if the baby is fine, and you were assured that there was nothing life-threatening for the little girl. Michael was staying with you and you were relieved to go through such a fright with someone you loved with you.

You were free to go when Daniel came into the room. At first, you didn't understand what was happening. Daniel was in the same room with you, but you could still hear the car engines, so the race wasn't over.

"What are you doing here?" you ask Daniel when he comes to hug you.

"I needed to see if you're okay, love."

"But the race-"

"I don't give a fuck about the race. Are you ok?"

So the doctor started to tell Daniel everything that has happened with you, and he was pleased to hear that you two were fine.

"You shouldn't have given up the race, I would have been here when you finished," you tell Daniel when you were left alone. "What will the team say about you retiring the car? You could score good points."

"I only care about you and our daughter, ok? When my race engineer told me not to pit that lap I knew something was wrong so I asked if you were ok, and I got no answer. For me, that was the only logical step I could have made at that moment," says your boyfriend and you smiled.

The race ended, with Max winning at Sochi. You and Daniel were watching the post-race interview with the three winners, and you saw Max asking about you.

"Sorry to interrupt, but do you know anything about Y/N? Is she ok?"

"We heard she is fine, just something minor, both her and the baby are fine."

"Oh, ok, thanks!"

Lewis and Valtteri were near Max and heard that you were fine and they breathed a sigh of relief.