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coquettepascal · 3 months ago

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like tiramisu

summary: nothing beats summer vacation like a secret relationship with your dad's best friend, right? wrong! what really beats summer vacation is trying not do jump joel's bones every time you're alone.

tags: 18+, smut, fluff, beach fic, age gap (it's dbf!joel, imagine what you want), dbf!joel, misuse of sunscreen, semi-public activities (not sex), groping, massaging, reader has a dad and brother, overuse of the word pretty, nicknames like pretty___ and baby, oral sex (f!recieving), she/her pronouns for your pussy, joel gets blueballed, fluff, joel and reader are very much in love, established relationship, secret relationship, stereotypical oblivious reader's!dad, mention of food poisoning (nothing graphic), slight grumpy!joel, soft!dom joel (ish)

a/n: woo!! i did it :D this is my submission for @hellishjoel's hot dilf summer challenge (link to the masterlist.) i'm a big fan of their work so i'm just happy to participate. tysm for this opportunity!

(3.6k, not beta read.)

Every year you travel to the coast with your dad and brother, enjoying a week at the tail end of summer to really relax. This year, your brother got sick, and so Joel took his place.

Like Joel, your dad’s best friend. You know, the one that you slept with a month ago one night after everyone went to bed? Joel like kind-of-your-secret-boyfriend-Joel. Simple situation really, you don’t know why you nearly shit yourself when Joel was standing in your driveway dragging a suitcase behind him.

But, as Joel does, he’s made this easy. It shouldn’t be easy to be separated from him, but it’s made the small moments you can get with him better. Besides, you still get to see him in his handsome glory, all tan and broad and…

The not-easy part is not jumping on him every time your dad turns around.

—

“Why is this so much more expensive than ice cream?” Joel asks you, eyes squinted as he peers at the chalkboard that hangs above the gelato cooler.

The family in front of you orders and literally pays with a 50 dollar bill, still not getting anywhere near a justifiable amount of change back. Joel squints at the board harder and you smile up at him. He needs glasses, you’ve been telling him this whole trip.

“Having trouble?” You ask teasingly. Joel’s head turns, face already scowling, but then the employee behind the counter is asking for your order before he can tear you a new one.

Joel is still scowling at you as he shells out 25 dollars for 2 “adult size” cones.

“S’not necessary to spend this much money on vacation, darlin’, we’re already relaxed,” He grumbles as you walk out of the air conditioned business, back into the beachy heat outside.

Innocently, you lick up a drip of the tiramisu flavored gelato that drips down the cone. Joel’s eyes narrow more, clearly not appreciative of your behavior so far today. His face eases up when he takes a bite out of his mango sherbet, cooling his flamed temper.

Your hand snakes into his free one as you walk down the beach, back to where your things are. It’s a quieter day on the beach, luckily. The past week you’ve spent with your father and Joel has been a hectic race for who can find a good spot on the beach, who can find a good spot to sit and eat, and who can find a good spot where the three of you can be left the fuck alone.

Today you’ve found a good spot, tucked away behind some larger rocks. It kind of looks like it could be dangerous to be there when the tide comes in, but it’s out far today. You’re fine, you’re with Joel, and most importantly, the two of you are alone.

Your dad ate some bad shrimp last night at dinner and has a horrible case of food poisoning. He assured both of you that he’d be fine on his own, to go enjoy the sun.

God knows you both will.

You hop over to the blanket you had laid out, cowering under the shade of the rainbow umbrella Joel had bought earlier in the week. He claimed it was so you wouldn’t get heatstroke, but you have a feeling it was more for the sake of his skin.

As you kick off your sandals, Joel sits down beside you under the umbrella, slurping obnoxiously at the remnants of his mango cone. Most of yours is still intact, though a bit melty. It’s something to marvel at, how Joel can inhale any food of any temperature in the blink of an eye. But it makes up his soft tummy, the one you can rest your head on later when you want to soak up the sun.

“Do you wanna try mine?” You ask, noting the hungry eyes he’s giving your gelato. He nods and so you lean over to him, extending the cone.

And just as he leans in to take a massive bite, you jerk your hand, smearing tiramisu gelato onto the tip of his nose.

“Oh my fucking god,” he groans, pulling back, “that’s not fucking funny.”

But it is funny. Seeing the white cream smudged on his nose, tangled in the bristles of his moustache. You can’t help but laugh at him.

“That’s what you get for trying to chomp half of my treat!” You point out.

Joel’s head tilts at you, as if to say “really?”

“Okay fine, I’ll fix it,” you huff. Passing your gelato to your free hand, you lean forward and suck the tip of his nose into your mouth, slurping off the remaining mess.

Pulling back with a pop, you see Joel’s horrified face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He groans, wiping your saliva off his face.

Joel gives you a look, clearly expecting some sort of repayment for the ridiculous stunt you just pulled. Begrudgingly, you hand the rest of your cone to him, but only because you really should put on sunscreen.

—

The sun beats down on you as you lay against Joel’s chest and belly, his legs spread to make room for you. He’s wearing black board shorts that cut off around his mid-thigh, leaving more skin exposed. Joel didn’t wear these ones yesterday, or any day previous. It was just the same red shorts that went down to his knees. But today, he matches you and your black two piece. His thick thighs firmly frame you, keeping you in place.

“You need to reapply your sunscreen, sweetheart,” Joel hums, blindly pawing the blanket for wherever you tossed the bottle earlier.

Streams of sunlight bathe you where you sit, the sun no longer blocked by the rainbow umbrella Joel insisted on. You planned on tanning anyways, so you don’t mind as much as Joel seems to. He grabs the sunscreen and his sunglasses, tossing them on.

Your chin is tucked to your chest, crunched as Joel leans over you more, opening the cap of the lotion. The liquid is so cold in comparison to the warm sun rays that blanket the two of you, a near-pained hiss escaping you.

“Don’t be a baby,” Joel grunts, working the sunscreen into your abdomen.

His hands work your soft flesh so gently, his calloused palms spreading the protective lotion carefully. Joel’s thumbs dig a little harder as he feels your hip bones beneath his hands, making you protest weakly. You know what he’s doing, taking this private opportunity for his own gain.

“Joel,” you warn whinily, squirming.

His hands grasp you in place, holding you while the cords of muscle on his forearms pop.

“I said don’t be a baby,” he repeats slower this time, his voice rumbling in your ear.

“We both know you’ve taken worse.”

Yeah. Yeah you do know that. It doesn’t shut you up anymore, whining as he reaches to massage your thighs, his hands slipping to your inner thighs fast. You can barely process his touch there before he’s sliding his hands back to a more appropriate spot, your arms. He’s keeping it PG for the most part at least. The nagging fear of your dad suddenly showing up despite his illness lives in the back of your mind.

Joel massages your wrists and the palms of your hands, thumbs pushing the flesh soothingly as he murmurs in your ear about how soft you are, how perfect.

He was keeping it PG, but he’s getting selfish now. The orange sun is painting your skin in a way that’s making it hard for him to think, and it’s been so long since he’s had you alone. Your eyes glaze over as he drips more lotion into his palms, rubbing it between them slowly.

“Don’t wanna forget your chest, would hate for my pretty girl to burn,” is all the warning you get.

Joel’s arms loop beneath yours, his wet palms sliding up your abdomen and then beneath your swim top. Big hands envelope the starting swell of your breasts, coming upwards and smothering your sensitive skin in sunscreen. His name slips out again, choked and surprised, but this isn’t unwanted.

You miss Joel. Even as he’s been here with you for this whole week, you miss his kisses and his touch. Sleeping in the same room as him, but in separate beds, has been awful. To hear him snore without feeling the vibration of it on your own skin has been treacherous.

So you’re letting him have this, because as much as you hunger for him, that man is ravenous.

His thumbs rub over your nipples, most of your top bunched up on his knuckles now. Joel’s voice is low in your ears, talking soft like you aren’t in total privacy on the beach. Everything is flying now, his mouth uncontrollable as he tells you how good you feel, how much he missed you.

“So fuckin’ pretty, all week you’ve been so gorgeous, darlin,’”

And then the kisses start. Hot down your neck, his scruffy face trails, tongue tracing the bitemarks he leaves occasionally.

“Joel– Joel no marks,” you remind softly.

He obliges with a grunt, clearly unhappy with the situation. Sometimes he can get away with little marks, ones like on your inner thighs or your tits. But not here on a beach vacation, not so close to your dad.

Joel continues to kiss you regardless, tilting your head so he can awkwardly meet your lips as he gropes you, massaging the lotion in as if the sun would ever hit any skin below your swimsuit. The atmosphere is only getting hotter as he touches you, the sun blazing against your skin as Joel rolls your nipples between his fingers, making you cry out.

You want more, you need more.

You can feel him hard against you, slightly digging into your back. Sex on the beach is a terrible idea. Public indecency, sand in places it shouldn’t be… but it’s so tempting when you feel how badly he wants you, how badly he missed you.

Desperately, you turn in his embrace, his hands slipping out of your top, leaving you exposed. You shove your face against his hungrily, feeling as his sunscreen greased hand cups your jaw, gentle even when he’s starving. You open for him easily, letting his hungry tongue taste where he wants. He tastes like waffle cones and tiramisu, you want to lick him clean. You breathe heavily when he slips off your mouth and kisses the side of your face.

“S’a good girl, lettin’ me miss her,” he says into your skin.

Your mouth feels rubbed raw, your nipples are buzzing, and the sun blazes across your back. Everywhere feels warm, his lips, his tongue, your skin, your cunt in these bikini bottoms that stick to you in the worst way. You want Joel’s fingers, spreading you open however he wants.

Joel is so good at taking care of you, so good that he can hear the rambunctious group of people coming before you can. Hands tug down your top and flip you back around before you can realize.

“You’re alright, s’okay, just some people,” Joel says, sounding anxious himself.

Just some people. Not anyone you know, just some people.

The two of you quickly switch back to how youwere, your head on his chest while you rest between his thighs. One of his hands rests on your abdomen as he squeezes you affectionately between his legs. It’s really frustrating, watching as the group of people sets up not too far down from the both of you. So much for your private spot on the beach, and potential sex.

He shifts beneath you, the bulge in his swim shorts uncomfortable. Joel has settled for rubbing his thumb against the smooth skin of your tummy, catching his breath still.

“You can sleep, baby. Jus’ enjoy the sun, okay?”

The last thing on your mind is sleep, you’re more focused on the conch shell in his pants, but whatever. The sun is warm, and you’re with Joel. His hand stills on your belly, a warm weight in an attempt to soothe you.

It works, you fall asleep as the sun sets, and wake up when the cool night air shivers past you. Joel has managed to snake out from under you, using an unused beach towel to make a pillow for you. He’s packed everything up, sans the towel pillow and the blanket you lay on. Everything is ready to go, he’s just been waiting for you.

You watch from where you lay, as he dips his toes in the water. His broad shoulders are covered by a white, linen, shirt, highlighting him across the shore. Something about this is so right, to be on vacation with him, to be taken care of by him. Laying back, eyes staring into the inky night, you wonder what would have happened if the two of you hadn’t stayed up late that night, chatting and flirting. How long would you have gone without feeling loved, and like you belonged?

Being Joel’s girl is more than that, even if no one knows you’re his, you have come to know yourself through him. His hands brushed away the sands that blurred your eyes, you’re seeing clearly for what feels like the first time ever.

Your love for him crashes down on you hard when he turns, walking back to you with a soft, dorky, smile. That’s your man, that’s your stupid old man, and he loves you.

“You ready t’go, darlin?” Joel asks, clearly relieved you eventually woke up.

With a nod, you walk as a pair back to the hotel. Joel insists on carrying everything, claiming he “don’t need” your help, even as he grunts.

Entering the lobby of the hotel is a reminder that you have to be normal again, you and Joel are just getting along swell, and not seriously infatuated with one another.

His eyes bear into you when you step into the elevator, you can feel his eyes on your back as you press the button for your floor.

“What?” You ask, stepping back to lean against the railing.

Joel’s mouth seems to be dry as he responds, eyes tracing something on your stomach.

“Your tummy,” he manages.

You look down instantly, concerned you’ve managed a sunburn despite Joel’s efforts. Instead though, you find a tan line. A tan line in the shape of Joel’s hand, where it rested as you slept. Ghosts of Joel’s lips and teeth on your neck from earlier murmur across your skin, misting tingles across your shoulders and chest. He wanted to mark you so badly, wanted to sink his teeth into you the way he should have been able to, despite your refusal. Now he has his mark, across your tummy in the shape of his hands, the ones that carefully nurture you.

You can see how it’s making him tick, how his scruffy jaw is clenched as his eyes are entranced by the shape on your belly. He has to spend the rest of the evening, the last couple of days of this trip, with his mark on you. Joel has to do all of that and not jump onto you at every opportunity he can.

“Baby,” Joel breathes, but the elevator doors open, and your dad is right there.

Your arms instantly wrap around your middle, trying to hide away the Joel-hand shaped tan line. As sick as your dad was this morning, he’s looking miles better. There’s colour in his cheeks, that isn’t green, and he’s standing up.

“Hey kid,” he greets cheerfully, “I’m feelin’ a helluva lot better so I was gonna go out and grab a bite to eat.”

The elevator is so quiet, the doors try to shut and Joel slams a hand against it, to keep it open. Your dad looks a little weirded out, but just smiles. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” you manage to say, sounding like your lungs have been cut out of your chest.

In the few months that you and Joel have been “together” you haven’t been caught, or even close to being caught. This tan line on your tummy could have been the cat out of the bag, but thankfully your dad seems oblivious.

He steps into the elevator between you two, gently nodding at the elevator doors.

“Y’all gettin’ out? Both of y’look kinda sunfried,” your dad asks.

Joel manages to respond this time as the two of you hurriedly leave the confined space. -

He practically dragged you down the hallway and back to your room once the elevator doors shut, leaving your dad in the dark. Joel dumped all your stuff on the floor near the door, pushing you off him when you tried to kiss at him.

“Naw. Bed,” he had grumbled, making a vague gesture to your bed.

You both knew you had limited time, your dad would be gone for an hour tops. Joel had peeled off his shirt while you shimmied out of what little clothes you had on, your swimsuit coverup falling away easily.

Now, you lay on your back, and if you could look down, you would see the sweat that’s soaking his back and the mess of hair on his head.

But you can’t look down, you can barely move as is. Your legs, which are tossed over his shoulders, shiver, toes curled. You want to ask if he can breathe down there, but your voice keeps catching, repeating his name again and again. The bristles of his facial hair might be chafing, but everything is wet right now, your cunt, his face, your thighs. He’s suffocating in your flesh, opening his mouth to sloppily make out with your pussy, licking at your clit as he sucks it between his lips. It isn’t gentle, he’s fucking famished.

“Joel– Baby, please,” you manage to whimper.

He probably can’t hear you with the headlock you’ve put him in, soft thighs trapping his ears. Joel’s face slides down further to push his tongue into you, making you clench and gush as his nose presses to your clit. Reaching your hand down, you lace your fingers against his curls, trying to pry him away, but he just won’t quit. Your fingers slip from his sweaty strands, slamming onto the sheets as he doesn’t let up.

“Missed you, missed her,” he rasps between kisses.

Joel loves this, loves pleasing you. This isn’t submission, this is worship. He talks to your cunt like he knows her, like he’s dating her too. Gentle as he is, he knows where your aches and cricks are, knows how to massage them with his fingers and tongue. Joel takes care of you both, it’s what he lives for.

“I know, I can feel it, I missed you too,” you babble, hands flagrant between his hair and the sheets.

He laughs softly into you, smiling. You tug him closer, grinding onto his nose as a tease.

Joel focuses on bringing himself closer, arms snaking up beneath your ass to curl his hands around your thighs, fingers digging in as he pulls you closer. “Been so patient all week, need you t’come for me, please pretty thing?” He groans.

Nodding your head, you start to work with him. Again and again you roll your hips into his face. The two of you are fucking on borrowed time and Joel hastily promises you that he can take care of himself in the shower later, that he just needs to focus on you.

“Just need to taste you, remember your cunt in my mouth, please?” Joel asks.

You nod even faster now, huffing out air as your hips rise and he pulls you closer, tongue and teeth and nose buried in you. Every movement he makes begs for your release, begs for you to give him what he wants. His voice rumbles around your head, a voice encouraging this selfish feeling of pleasure.

“C’mon darlin, I’ve been waitin’ all week to have you. Let go for me, I’ve been patient.”

It sends you over, the mixture of Joel getting pussydrunk on you and the thoughts of him in your head. Your thighs lock around his head even harder, and he powers through without taking a breath for himself. Thoughts of times with him previous flash through your mind as you shiver, thoughts of what he’ll do to you once you’re both home make you gush. He laps it all up, his reward for being patient.

When he pulls away, your essence is all over his face. Slicked through his facial hair and even on the tip of his nose, like tiramisu gelato.

Unlike the gelato, you decide not to suck this cream off his nose.

Gently, you swipe a finger over his nose, cleaning it off with your own tongue.

“Thank you, baby,” you hum.

Joel manages to drag himself up your body, caging you beneath him while he smiles. Soft kisses are shared between the two of you, enjoying the peaceful moment where you’re finally, truly, alone. His moustache prickles your upper lip as he smiles and pulls away.

“Can give me your ‘thank you’s’ in a few days time, sweet girl.” He says, pulling himself down to kiss the 5 fingertips of the hand tan line he left.

Looking down at him as he kisses your belly, you hope you'll be exchanging thank you's for a very long time.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader smut #hot dilf summer #tlou hbo #joel x you #joel the last of us #reader insert #dbf!joel #dbf!joel smut #dilf!joel #ellie's fics

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oliveisme533 · 9 months ago

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My dad’s neighbor is a dilf

Chapter 1

Joel Miller x you

Summery: You had decided to spend your summer in Austin with your dad. You used to spend almost every summer there, but hadn't spent a summer there since you were a teenager. Which means you hadn't seen a certain Joel Miller in years..

You were a teacher so the summer months were nice and slow. As you packet your suitcase, you thought back to the phone call with your dad just a few weeks prior. "Hey babygirl, why don't you come on down to Austin for the summer? I know your roommate has been driving you a little crazy lately...wouldn't hurt to get a break ya know? Plus I miss you sweetheart... would love to see you"

You smiled at the memory of his words. He was right about your roommate being annoying lately. Nothing crazy...just normal roommate things. But most of all you missed your dad. Your college summers were all spent with your mom in Boston, so this visit was long overdue.

There airport was fucking packet of course. Airports made you anxious and you always got to your gate a couple hours early for fear of missing your flight. You sent a quick text to your dad letting him know you made it to the airport and would let him know when you safely landed. He loved the message and moments later your phone buzzed again.

Venmo: Dad sent you $50 for "Uber 🚗"

Your dad definitely did well for himself, He was a financial consultant and never missed out on an opportunity to splurge on you and your sister. You knew you wouldn't be swiping your card a single time once you stepped foot in his house for the summer, and you weren't complaining...teachers don't exactly make a ton of money. There was one thing nagging at the back of your mind that you hadn't let yourself think about until now. You always had kind of a girlish crush on your dad's friend and neighbor. You hadn't seen him in years and you wanted to believe he could find you attractive now that you were actually a grown woman. It was a fantasy you know would never come true even in your wildest dreams, but it was still fun to think about from time to time. You put your headphones and closed out the world.

You smiled as the warm air hit your skin as you walked across the tarmac with one hand shading your eyes from the Texas sun. Austin was where you spent your childhood. Before their divorce, your parents had brought you and your sister into a comfortable lifestyle that you were forever grateful for. Your mom headed to Boston after the divorce, you and your older sister followed suit, but Texas never stoped feeling like home. "Uber for y/n?" You slumped down into the air conditioned car with a sigh of relief. "Yes." You looked out the window as the familiar scene flew by. By the time the car turned into your neighborhood your mind had drifted far from Boston. Your stomach lurched slightly as you passed Mr. Millers house. His truck was in the driveway. You remembered a recent phone conversation with your dad where he mentioned Mr. Miller having kind of a hard time spending his first summer without his daughter Sarah. She was with her mom for the summer, a new arrangement you were pretty sure. Maybe you would go and visit him. He was the kind of family friend that had a key to your dad's house . What if he didn't remember you? You were being stupid. Mr. Miller didn't need to entertain a 20 some year old girl. He had friends his own age, a life, and for all you knew maybe a girlfriend. You brushed the idea off as the car slowed in-front of your dad's house.

Your key clicked in the door and you were promptly greeted by Lea, your dad's new kitten. Your sister and you joked that this was his first symptom of his mid life crises. The second being the fact that he now had a girlfriend. You flung your suitcase aside and sunk into the window seat of your bedroom. You have many memories of a younger version of yourself sitting here in the summer days, reading or just watching. In the evenings you were too busy sneaking out the back gate to do such things. You smile as you recall your reckless, teenage activities. You sigh and look down at your watch. Your dad won't be home for a couple more hours. A nap probably would serve you well. Before you get up, you feel your phone buzz again. It's your dad.

"Hey sweetheart I see you made it to the house. I completely forgot Joel said he was picking up some tools I borrowed from him last week. He knows the garage code, but didn't want you to be alarmed if he's there before I get home. See you soon xx"

You found yourself staring at the text... would Mr. Miller ...Joel, you correct yourself, would he even remember me? In the spirit of southern hospitality you decide to get dressed in something that does smell like the airport and go downstairs when you hear the garage opening. You walk through the front door and out towards the driveway where Joel is loading some tools in the back of his pick up truck. He glances up at you and a wide smile forms across his face. "Well hey!" He says. "Your dad told me you were coming in... welcome home!" The words warm your heart. This was home for sure. "Thanks, I'm glad to be back. Even just for the summer!" God his arms look good in that t-shirt... "well I know your old man is happy you're here. Hasn't shut up about you comin' for the last few weeks. 'Course I get it, countin' down the days 'till Sarah gets back myself." You giggle at the comment of your dad's excitement about your arrival. "Yeah dad told me she's with her mom for the summer right?" Joel nods closing the back of the pick up. "Yeah that's right." You noted a twinge of sadness in his voice. "I'm sorry I'm sure that's hard...I mean I know she loves being with her mom and you too. Of course she'll be back for school in the fall, but still I'm sure the summer feels different with out her. I'm not a parent though so I really have no idea what I'm talking about." You fumbled through this response and ended with a nervous laugh. Joel didn't mind. He looked at you with those fucking puppy dog eyes that could make you melt. He laughed too you were pretty sure the laugh was more at you than with you, but you kind of deserved it you figured. "You're sweet, yeah she's having a blast with her mom and that's all that really matters. Your dad has been putting up with me a lot. With an empty and quiet house it's just not the same, and he's been havin' me over lots" "Well I'm sure he appreciates the company too" you couldn't help but feel a little guilt that you had possibly made your dad feel the same emotions as Joel. "Well I gotta run, but I'm sure I'll be seein' you around. Good to see ya Darlin'" you waved as he pulled out of your driveway, grateful that he was probably too far away to see the blush on your cheeks.

The next few days went by with not much to remark on. On Friday your dad mentioned that Joel would be coming over for dinner tomorrow. You told yourself it was time to act like an adult and put this girlish crush out of your mind. Joel was at least 10 years your senior and he was a close friend of your dad, In fact these fantasies are simply degrading to him or disrespectful. You're not sure of the right word, but he's a person with a life and feelings and things he's going through. To make him the object of your fantasies was wrong, you decided.

Saturday evening came around and your dad was in the back grilling and playing his country music on the speaker you had gifted him last Christmas. There was a knock and the door and the sound of Joel's voice echoing through the entry way. You didn't bother coming out of the kitchen, knowing he would come to you. Your back was turned, focusing on the sangria recipe you were sure wouldn't turn out the way you wanted. "My dad's outback." You said gesturing to the back door. " I'm sorry, where are my manners!" You turned to open the fridge and pull out beer for Joel. "You ain't gotta make a fuss darlin' is just me" Joel chuckled. You wished he would stop calling you that, but you also hoped he never would. Joel y through the utensil draw to find the bottle opener. He asked about your day and you asked about his. "I can't get over how much you've grown up" he said at one point. "Yeah o guess the last time you would have seen me I was a lanky teenager with braces" you laughed and so did he. "I think you're right... if I recall you were just about the death of your old man when you were that age." You shrugged. "Yup that's about right. I had a nack for getting into trouble." He laughed that wonderful deep laugh and said "well you turned out alright, kid"

The rest of the evening you debated whether Joel saw you more as a grown woman or a kid. He had referred to you as both in a matter of minutes...so which was it? "What's on your mind kiddo?" Your dad's voice snapped you back to reality. "Oh ..um, nothing honestly. I'm just kind of tired today for some reason." You were both in the kitchen, Joel was still in the back yard getting ready to light a cigar. "Baby why don't you go upstairs and rest. I'll make sure to kick Mr. Miller here out if we get to rowdy." He said that last part loud enough for Joel to hear. "Dad jokes.." you mutter to yourself as you climb the stairs to the second floor of the house. Your bedroom is on the front end of the house, so by they time you get there, no noise from your dad and Joel can be heard. The sound of the shower in the bathroom drowned out the noise of your phone buzzing on your nightstand. When you exited the shower there was a missed call from "Ben" Ben Sinclair was your on again, off again boyfriend for the last 4 ish years. This time you were done. You had been broken up for a month this time and you told him (in no uncertain terms!) this was it. So what could he possibly want tonight...

#lovers #joel tlou #joel miller #smut #fanfic #joel and ellie #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff

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isthenandocute · 1 year ago

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This outfit broke my brain. I thought last week was the most life ruining, but somehow he keeps stepping it up. Wet t-shirt contest???? Now??????? I love how last week, we're like "wow he looks so good in all black 🫠" and now he shows up in all white/cream!! We love a dilf who serves a variety of looks!! But why does he always change back to his Aston uniform halfway through the day :/ And the red lense sunglasses, okay slay??? AND HIS HAIR!!!!!! He just looks so rich dilf who's gonna fuck you over the side of his eco friendly yacht. Also the way he's holding his key card lanyard, it's giving 50 Shades of Grey, tie wrapped around his fist 😵‍💫

We need him doing those bikini car wash fundraiser thing covered in bubbles and soap, all wet with his shirt completely see through, pushing his hair back with one hand and taking his completely drenched shirt with another 🥺🥺🥺 I need him to manhandle, tie me down and *GUNSHOTS*

Verdict: Hot (I need him to blow my back out)

#hot #aston! nando #fernando alonso #brazil gp 2023 #f1 #formula 1

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squadrah · 1 year ago

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So you had two asks about La Squadra being toddlers, but what about them being old/older men? Maybe in their 40-50's or as senile old people. And my mind ain't exactly wondering there, but what do you think they'd be like as dilfs?

I managed to find an old post where I was asked what they would be like as old man: here it is! You also reminded me that I had once written about them as parents in general, and I could have sworn I published it, but I ended up finding it at last in my drafts, so I'll make sure to queue it after publishing this ask!

That just leaves the question at the end, ehe... I will try to do these from the perspective of a young adult, probably a friend of their child(ren), while they themselves are in their forties and fifties.

Risotto: His sheer size and deep voice are already enough to set the butterflies aflutter, so the way he wears sleeveless shirts and dirty overalls at home is almost too much. He is best observed in the garage where he enjoys quietly working with power tools, and nobody can look at his work table without imagining him sweeping off the clutter to make room for them instead...

Formaggio: He ages so gracefully he looks like he could still be in his thirties, but the way he cracks open a cold one while giving clever responses and showing at least basic knowledge of just about any topic introduced hints at decades of experience in a variety of areas. Whenever he playfully manhandles his spouse in the kitchen, guests cannot help but chug their own cold beverages in vain.

Prosciutto: Never seen without his signature dress shirts and crisp trousers, and when he's around, the temperature always drops enough that all unnecessarily noise and frolic dies down. Most agree they would not want to live with him as their father, the bar is just too high in that respect, but nobody would mind him in a hotel chair with a bourbon in his hand and ordering them to get to work...

Pesci: At first he seems nothing special, especially because he's not much respected by his children, but as soon as he easily lifts something that he ought to struggle with at his size, and tells you how much he think it weighs by touch, the magic begins, and those who have gone on fishing trips with him on the weekend and watched him reel in that big bass are now smitten for life.

Ghiaccio: Whenever you meet him, he's either preparing to go for a run or has just returned from it all sweaty and glistening, and no real decrease of stamina to show for it. Going to the gym with him is a rite of passage; he will explain every machine and challenge you to various feats of endurance. Spotting is obligatory, and many hit the showers afterwards in greater frustration than they began.

Melone: That one anon ask of "your dad looks gnc af" sums him up perfectly, he is so impeccably and unabashedly A Look and An Icon that all his various issues are easily buried in a tidal wave of gender envy and lust. His children are so confident and well-educated when it comes to sex that their friends can only imagine what a wealth of experience could be gained from the fountain head.

Illuso: He always lets his luscious long hair down at home, physically and metaphorically, and exudes such minor soap opera antagonist vibes that his heckling his children and spouse come off as almost entertaining, a good example of how much people forgive to a pretty face and a nice tall figure. He's not above teasing his guests either, and you will either hate him for it or want to kiss him.

Sorbet: He's not conventionally attractive and seems to love his plants more than his children, but he has a certain Addams Family aesthetic about him that carries his dry wit and odd ways perfectly, especially when he's trimming his bonsai or is outside gardening in the shade in special gloves and up to his neck in dirt. You are welcome to indulge his obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: That one extremely friendly dad that claps you on the shoulder and shoves a drink into your hand as soon as (and even before) you hit drinking age, and is always two seconds away from hugging you and kissing you on both cheeks in a fit of camaraderie and general mirth. Watching him grill sausages and cook in a big outdoor cauldron permanently changes your brain chemistry.

#jjba #la squadra #risotto nero #formaggio #prosciutto #pesci #ghiaccio #melone #illuso #sorbet #gelato #squadrah headcanons #squadrah original #this is probably my first day of feeling clear headed enough to answer asks again!#we'll see how it goes!

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lolziesitsame · 3 months ago

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Commissions!

Hello! Ive decided to open art commissions for the Diabolik lovers fandom just as a way to have a small income

What I will do: oc's,any of the Sakamakis ,Mukamis,Tsukinamis,sfw and suggestive (ill do suggestive art but no bits and bobs)

What I wont do: full nsfw ,incest ,Cordelia ,Beatrix ,christa ,richter ,karlheinz (sorry for all the milf and dilf lovers)

Now for pricing! This is all calculated based off of equipment cost,time,and taxes (We love taxes)

BACKGROUND:+£3 (to the original price) for a plain colour background or +£6 for a more detailed background (like a city background or trees)

SINGLE PERSON PIECES

BUST: Flat pieces (as in no shading) £15 for watercolour paintings or £10 for a pencil drawing

Detailed pieces: £25 for watercolour paintings or £15 for a pencil drawing

HALF BODY: Flat pieces (as in no shading)£20 for watercolour paintings or £15 for a pencil drawing

Detailed drawings: £30 or watercolour paintings or £20 for a pencil drawing

FULL BODY: Flat pieces (as in no shading) £30 for watercolour paintings or £20 for a pencil drawing

Detailed pieces: £35 for watercolour paintings or £25 for a pencil drawing

TWO PERSON PIECES

BUST: Flat pieces (as in no shading) £35 for watercolour paintings for £25 for a pencil drawing

Detailed pieces: £40 for watercolour paintings or £30 for a pencil drawing

HALF BODY: Flat pieces (as in no shading)£35 for watercolour paintings or £25 for a pencil drawing

Detailed pieces: £45 For watercolour paintings or £35 for a pencil drawing

FULL BODY: Flat pieces (as in no shading) £40 for watercolour paintings or £30 for a pencil drawing

Detailed pieces: £50 For watercolour paintings or £40 for a pencil drawing

Last of all ! Please be VERY SPECIFIC with what you want so everyone's happy, please provide a reference or a detailed description of what you want

If you would like a commission please email me at [email protected]

I will be using Arty to collect commissions because Paypal takes a huge cut and tends to screw over artists,arty is a completely safe website so don’t worry about it stealing your information!

I still need to get verified though on arty so ill comment under this post when im verified! or if somethings gone wrong lol

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers reiji #diahell #dialovers #diabolik lovers shu #diabolik lovers laito #diabolik lovers subaru #diabolik lovers ayato #diabolik lovers kanato #diabolik lovers ruki #diabolik lovers yuma #diabolik lovers kou #diabolik lovers azusa #diabolik lovers shin #diabolik lovers carla

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jdms-flat-ass · 7 months ago

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JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN | The Good Wife

#jeffrey dean morgan #my dilf gifs #jdm #jdmorgan #jason crouse #the good wife #dilfsource #50 shades of dilf

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evansbby · 2 years ago

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Okay favorite haircut

1. The one during the catws premiere (the picture with him getting out of the van and 50 shades of grey poster behind him 🤰)

2.buzz cut during avengers 1 interviews 😩😩😩😩

omg I just searched chris at the tws premiere and???

omfg I can’t believe he looked this good omfg??? IMAGINE BEING ABOVE LEGAL AGE GIRL IN THIS ERA AND BEING ONE OF *HIS* ONE NIGHT STANDS?!? Like… him!? Wow. WOW. What a fuckin daddy dilf HOTTIE 🫣😍🥵

And omfg buzzcut!Chris during avengers press was so hot and fuckboyish PLS

he literally looks like a fuckboy about to hurl 18382828 racial slurs, while his phone is filled with him sexting and then ghosting 1827281 girls PLS 🫣🫣🫣🫣😩😩😩😩

#oh my gos CHRISSSSS #anon

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themurderofcrowscollective · 1 year ago

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Some headcanons about our lovely himbo Shadow, Lloyd!

(This is him by the way)

Also warning, this'll be very gay. - - - Lloyd doesn't know if he's gay, straight, bi or pan but he often gets mistaken for being aroace because whenever he's asked about his love life or his sexuality, he'll get very nervous and anxious but that is also mistaken for being uncomfortable. He just doesn't have the ability to answer that, and he's very deep in the closet. He only told his friends about this so they understand, but it took him YEARS to tell them after he finally had enough of them trying to pry into his love life. - - - HOWEVER, that changes when he and his friend group are taken into the 141 (that fanfiction will be written later, but trust me, it's lore.) after a life-changing mission. This leads him down a whole new path of finding himself because of how open everyone is about themselves; There's Soap and Ghost, Ale and Rudy, Konig and Horangi, even Konig is a lover to Soap and Ghost too. Whenever it came to women in his new life, he's kind of just... never felt anything for them. Don't get him wrong, he's a devoted chugging man of respect women juice but he's never fallen in love with them. His few friends that are women are simply that, friends. But when it came to the men he worked with? Oh forget it, he'll lay in bed thinking about how bulked up and beautiful they all are and turn 50 shades of red under 3 seconds if he sees ANY of them shirtless. His friends love to give him shit about this, as bros would, and laugh at him when he turns redder than a tomato. One time Jared had gone a bit too far describing Konig to Lloyd in great detail and the poor himbo fell over with a bloody nose with how red he was added on top of that. Jared is still sorry about that. He has too much of a brotherly bond with his friends to have caught any feelings for them, and besides, Jared's got two lovers, Keith is a mystery unsolvable to all of mankind and Nick has a gay lover. Lloyd just never saw the right kind of men, until they all joined the 141. He may have a think for dilfs too, he'll always regret the day he walked into the gym and saw Price and Nikolai both shirtless, sparring together in the ring. Lloyd still daydreams about that day and has drawn pictures of that memory (including gay porn. Of who? None of your business.) - - - Lloyd draws everything he gets inspired by, (aside from gay porn) he'll draw just about anything. His favorite thing to draw is portraits of someone, anyone really. Do they know? No. He likes to keep his artistic skills a secret and will draw pictures for anyone on their birthday and say it was from someone else. He doesn't admit it but he loves the chaos it brings. Even to this day, his friends still don't know he draws. But there's been one time someone almost did, and that was when Lloyd was a squirrely thin teenage boy. He'll never tell that story to anyone. - - - You might be asking why Lloyd keeps so many secrets about himself, only letting people find out things about himself that he'll let them find like his gardening and cooking skills. Really it's because he's always been on defense mode, keeping his smaller and less-masculine hobbies to himself because his grandpa didn't allow it and would go on tirades about how men should have manly hobbies and all that. He's careful about who he talks to, never giving out anything about himself if they're a stranger, acquaintance or distant relative/friend of a friend but if you're a friend or family member of his, he'll shed a bit more light on himself but if you mean more to him than anyone else, he'll trust you with all of him. And he's never done that, letting himself trust someone so deeply scares him shitless and he loses sleep over it when he's had an uneventful day. He has to stay busy or else his thoughts get too much. - - - Lloyd is a workaholic, so he'll work himself to the bone until he ultimately ends up crashing either unwillingly or... unwillingly. If he's starting to stay awake for days, drink an insane amount of coffee or redbull, and go missing all day, he's overworking himself.

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createandchaos · 2 years ago

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I posted 166 times in 2022

27 posts created (16%)

139 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gunupwallflower

@0ptiimus

@decepti-thots

@imperiuswrecked

@scarlet--wiccan

I tagged 166 of my posts in 2022

#reblog - 134 posts

#transformers - 86 posts

#art - 71 posts

#idw1 - 59 posts

#rodimus - 50 posts

#mtmte - 46 posts

#marvel - 43 posts

#hot rod - 42 posts

#marvel comics - 41 posts

#marvel 616 - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#the idea of someone robbing the little you have left of someokne and still having the audacity to act like they were doing you a favor

My Top Posts in 2022:

Mihaela Drăgan as MCU Wanda Maximoff

I didn’t want to do any shading so here’s the drawing with just the flats

59 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

There is absolutely nothing in canon that suggests this, but I would not be surprised if what exactly happened to Nyon was not talked about, they lied about the events, or the Autobots straight up covered it up and Rodimus' file was so thoroughly edited to the point that no one knew where he actually came from or how old he is for a good while, something not helped that Rodimus is probably private about Nyon due to the circumstances.

Because let's be real, Nyon is a huuuge turning point in the war if we're not ignoring Autocracy. This is the story where it's revealed that Zeta and the Autobots were full of it and had been draining the citizens of Nyon of their energon, which according to Hot Rod, was also happening in other cities to fuel weapons of mass destruction. And the hint that these were likely other cities filled with people with anti-Autobot sentiment, making them the prime Decepticon recruits was a deliberate one. They wanted to reduce the number of potential recruits.

But that wasn't all that happened. Zeta dispatched Orion Pax and his team to go after Swindle and then later Hot Rod. It's during this that Orion learns the truth about this, Hot Rod not being kind nor gentle about the true government he was working for. There isn't enough time for the enforcers (consisting of Pax, Bumblebee, Prowl, Ironhide, and Hound) to properly procees this though because Zeta starts his attack, unleashing his Omega Destructors armed with the Vamparac Ribbons.

And we all know how this story goes and the damage wrought.

So why would the Autobots want to admit it was their fault? That they had been draining innocent people dry of their energon. The Autobots pretty much turned around and said no, the Decepticons are the bad guys. Hell, it's probably one of the most horrific things the Autobots did that can be credibly linked back to them. They have a survivor of its destruction among their ranks. The survivors who didn't join any faction left, becoming neutrals. There's definitely survivors among the Decepticons who are still rightfully bitter about what the Autobots did to their home. Maybe if directly confronted, Optimus would admit what happened was true.

But why would they? It's not like a majority are people who were fine under Functionism or even helped the system. It's not like the others are warborns fed Autobot propaganda since they were born.

107 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

Pietro Django Maximoff | Quicksilver

Uncanny Avengers (2015-2017) #16

Art by Pepe Larraz, Color edit by me

You can use this as icons! Just reblog if you’re going to please.

MCU/WANDAVISION STANS DNI

125 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

I’M SCREAMING

147 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just realized this, but we never found out what happened to Rodimus prior to getting enrolled in the Autobot Academy after the events of Autocracy.

Because I feel like a lot of people forget Hot Rod of "your government bleeds us dry and you wonder why we bomb you, why we fight to drive you out of our neighborhoods" Nyon was the leader of an insurgent group in the city actively fighting back against the Autobots. Like there's no way that the people who worked for Zeta allowed him to walk around so freely and without consequences. He was known and actively wanted by the Autobots, Zeta wouldn't have gotten away with sending Orion to die in Nyon if they didn't have a legitimate excuse to have them there.

"He's exactly the kind of recruit we don't want the Decepticons to have."

This wasn't just Zeta framing it to make Orion focused on arresting Hot Rod, he was legitimately worried and we as the readers know it isn't unfounded. Starscream has tried to recruit Hot Rod before, prior to the events of Autocracy.

In the aftermath, what was done when Optimus assumed leadership of the Autobots and did so with bringing someone in who was wanted, who was supposed to be made an example of?

214 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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