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Stream Recap, TangoTek, 6/10/24

((This is the funniest one yet, good lord. Things get wild starting around 2:08:00.))

8:30 Tango opens the stream hot, calling Chat jerks and telling them his shirt is red. Chat is skeptical. Tango wishes everyone a happy Monday and pushes out a video. He was waiting to put his video out until Pearl pushed hers out, and she pushed hers out just a few minutes ago. Tango tells everyone they can leave now and watch the video, which is “only” 51 minutes long. It’s a double video, stuff with him and Pearl, the copper farm, and hilarity with Tango and Zed. Today’s job is finishing the aquarium. He thanks the chat for subs and donos.

11:00 Tango makes some funny noises, explains that every time he messes up a take in the video, he just makes the cartoon noise and cuts it off. About 40% of his clips end with complete brain-farting. A chatter asks if he’s seen the League of Legends show. Tango doesn’t know much about it. Chat says it’s called Arcane, Tango says it sounds awesome.

12:00 Pearl appears and boops him, surprising him. He demands to know why he is being booped, Pearl tells him that she’s been standing around up above him but he didn’t notice her. He blames his powers of observation. Pearl offers him some apology redstone for the terrible timing of her video push. It seems like she was waiting for software that took a long time, but she dissolves into wailing before the full explanation is rendered. Tango assures her that it’s fine and tells her it’s a good video. He asks if she finished all the detailing and she tells him yes, it’s all done. Tango asks if he can take the chat over and play Wordle, and they make tentative plans for later. Pearl leaves.

13:40 A chatter asks Tango if he had fun in Zedaph’s hole, Tango says of course he did. Tango explains the water kitten aquarium he and Zed started. He is having a hard time making words happen today. Chat is alternately sympathetic and laughing at him. He goes to find more copper to put on the top of the aquarium. He says he has a new copper farm and it is working. A chatter asks about Wordle, Tango encourages them to go watch Pearl’s video, because Wordle is amazing. A chatter teases Tango about stream and video at the same time. Tango jokes that it’s always feast or famine with the Hermits. A chatter writes Tango a poem. Impulse is still sick after his vacation, but he had a great time.

17:20 Chat is still trying to figure out what color Tango’s shirt is. Suggestions include maroon and rust. Tango begins placing copper. Today’s challenge will be finding axolotls in the lush caves underground. Chat says Joel has some that can be bred, Tango says maybe, but an adventure might be more fun. He looks at the wheat farm and says he has 10 stacks of hay bales now. He consults with chat about details to add to the aquarium before putting axolotls in. Chat has lots of decorative ideas. A chatter suggests warped logs for the animation effect, Tango likes that idea. A chatter asks about Tango’s megabase this season, he says it is the steampunk factory. He also tells Chat that the copper farm will eventually have a steampunk airship built around it, something that the video audience doesn’t know yet.

21:50 Tango wants decorative and functional copper pipes in Minecraft. Chat suggests using lightning rods as pipes, but they are too thin. The Skizz scream noise goes off a a piglin dies to the extermination machine, Tango jokes that nobody even notices it anymore. He goes to get buckets. Chat reminds him to be very very careful not to waterlog the floor, which has farmers beneath it. He promises to be careful.

23:40 A chatter asks how he doesn’t take fall damage in his drop shaft, Tango explains the powdered-snow-under-carpet trick. In chat, Xisuma asks everyone to not go to the End Dimension. Tango begins placing water in the aquarium. Doc signs onto the server and X asks him specifically not to go to The End. Doc tells X he is already there, announces he is joking, and then asks why he needs to steer clear. Tango notices the exchange and says he doesn’t go to The End anyway, then suddenly realizes he kind of needs to get more shulkers and gear. X explains that he is currently moving mobs and Doc agrees to stay away.

26:30 Tango continues placing water and considers where to put the warped logs. Cub signs in, X asks him to not go to the end. Cub immediately makes the same joke about already being there. Xisuma yells “twice!” Doc laughs.

27:30 Tango places a patch of warped wood. He likes it. He heads on a quick nether adventure to get more. He asks chat about water kitten husbandry. Chat advises him that they can drown on land if given a place to get stuck. Tango finds a pillar someone made of warped logs all the way to the ceiling and decides to steal it. It’s a little terrifying. Someone mocks him for “being that guy” and leaving a single floating log. He says that nobody cares what the nether looks like anyway. He solicits fun ideas for a shroom shop from chat. Chat thinks it should be a mushroom or a warped tree. Someone suggests a shroom monster. Tango likes that, something like Treeza from S8. Pearl whispers that she would be willing to help, Tango says that would be great but he would just be watching slackjawed while she builds. She says if he teaches her redstone, she will teach him to build a monster. Tango thinks the monster needs to have a lot of puns involved, a pun name and a pun dispenser. Its name can be Fun Guy.

34:00 Chat suggests some more punny names, including Fun Gus and Mike the Myconid. Tango gets a bit lost on the way home, but makes it back to the nether hub. A chatter jokes about the monster having a warped sense of humor. Tango returns to the aquarium to place more warped logs while chat puns at him. He is now excited about building the shop. Next episode might not even take 16 days!

36:30 Tango checks the wheat farm, no flooding yet. He returns to placing water. Chat is upset that one piece of warped wood is out of alignment. Tango does not care. He finds a deep hole and wonders what is down there. He jumps down the hole and declares spoilers for the video that just came out. There is a hole in the bedrock going into the void. He leaves it open in case Zed comes over to visit.

40:00 More water placement. A chatter suggests hanging a fox with a torch in the void as a dynamic light source. . Tango likes that idea. The aquarium is starting to get very dark. A chatter asks what water kittens are. Tango explains they are axolotls, but calling them water kittens is more fun.

42:50 Tango needs sea pickles. He makes a graceless exit from the tank and looks for his sea pickles. He remembers he was going to add a few oxidized grates for steampunk style. Grates can be waterlogged without looking stupid. He puts away some water buckets. Mrs. T appears and asks what he’s doing. He says he is making a tank, she asks if it will have a pineapple in it. He says Gem makes the pineapples, not him. He begins placing sea pickles. She asks if there are other colors of sea pickles. He says no, but he could place coral. She wants pink coral. He is not shocked about this. He offers to put in a pink axolotl for her. She asks if that’s even a question. He shows her the copper grates and says it’s a grate idea.

45:15 Tango starts to tell Mrs. T about the shroomlight farm idea, but her lunch is ready and she leaves to get it. He places more grates into a sort of pipe structure and asks Chat if they like it. Mrs. T comes back and asks what the grates are for. He says for steampunk reasons. The vote goes against the grates. He tells Mrs. T about the shroomlight shop and all the puns. She is in favor of it, but in the “being supportive of my spouse” sort of way. She suggests “Shitake the Fun Guy” as a name. A chatter asks who Tango is talking to. He welcomes the chatter to the stream. Tango finishes “Watering up his hole.” Mrs. T sighs. Tango says if she wants more of that humor, watch the new video. She says ain’t nobody got time for a 51-minute video.

49:00 Tango waters the hole. He gets very close to finishing before flooding the outside of the tank. He decides not to waterlog the ceiling. Time for decorations. Mrs. T says to call her when it’s time to show off the kittens. Tango needs more pickles because the tank is still very dark. Chat suggests glow lichen. Tango goes to look for glow lichen. Chat cannot spell lichen for love or money. Tango does not have any glow lichen. He thinks about using froglights. Chat suggests robbing Skizz, but the problem with robbing Skizz is you can’t find anything.

53:00 Tango attempts to rob Skizz, going one chest at a time. He finds some moss , but the lichen may be out by the pyramid. Impulse signs onto the server. Tango finds some twisted vines, but they cannot be waterlogged. He finds a squid head and some vines. He goes to look in the pyramid chests and finds glow lichen. He steals all of it. He finds a Tango head. Chat suggests leaving one lichen behind so Skizz can bonemeal it. Tango agrees that would be considerate, but does not do so.

56:30 Tango returns to the aquarium and learns that you cannot waterlog heads. He adds lichen to the tank. Chat suggests a head on an armor stand, but Tango thinks that’s a lot of work. The lichen doesn’t seem to be adding much to the brightness. He tries a twisted vine, but it does not waterlog. He accuses the vines of hating fun. He places and bonemeals some kelp. Tango asks about who sells coral, Chat tells him Gem. He says he should buy Gem out because it will make her happy. He starts to drown. He finishes kelping and says he will snip the kelp down to size later. He also thinks about placing a wet sponge.

1:00:00 Tango’s phone rings with its boomer ringtone. He hands the phone to Mrs. T and tells her to change his ringtone. She agrees cheerfully. Tango thinks they may be done building the tank. Chat reminds him to get the coral. Mrs. T shames Tango for having two “Settings” buttons on the first page of his phone, one line apart. He says when one has his powers of observation, one must adapt to it. He heads for the coral shop.

1:02:00 Mrs T begins cycling through ringtones. Chat says each is more boomer than the last. Tango finds the coral shop. Chat suggests using the Skizzle Scream a a ringtone, Tango says that would be great in public. Tango decides he doesn’t want coral blocks, only coral fans. Chat starts making jokes about Onlyfans. He buys several colors of coral, including pink, and says since Gem doesn’t have an ender chest, he doesn’t have to pay. He pays.

1:05:00 More ringtones. Tango assures Mrs. T that chat is really enjoying this. Tango flies to Two Tek Delay and checks his stock. He doesn’t think he’s sold any pistons yet. He needs to do some restocking. He heads back to his factory, showing Mrs. T the giant firework along the way. He explains how much work it was, how many temporary blocks. Chat points out that Scar would do it too. Tango agrees, but says he wouldn’t do it. It’s almost water kitten time.

1:07:50 Tango puts pink coral in the tank to appease Mrs. T. She wants other kinds of pink coral, the kind that is not so flat. He asks how she knows more about coral than him. The tank is so full there is almost no room for more decorations. Chat says he needs yellow coral. He leaves the tank and looks in. The coral is invisible. Chat says the blue glass was a bad idea. Tango blames chat for choosing blue glass in the first place. He says they can swap it out, but for what color? Chat wants clear glass.

1:11:00 Tango puts his coral and other decorations away. He finds clear glass and says this is going to be an interesting swap. He also grabs shears for the kelp. Chat wants a sponge, he says he will go back for it later. He trims the kelp in the tank to stop it growing. Grian signs on, Chat is excited. Tango begins carefully and quickly replacing the glass piece-by-piece. He predicts that the next thing Chat will demand is the Connected Glass resource pack. Chat agrees that he definitely should get that. He steps back to look at the first few rows and admits that the unconnected glass does look pretty bad. HE says he may do that next. He says he doesn’t like using things that will make things look nice for him but bad for others who visit. Chat points out that everyone else is already using connected textures. Chat is not sure about what the best way is to get connected textures. Tango says Chat is always right and never right, and his job is to sort out the consensus. A chatter says the blue glass was better.

1:17:30 Tango continues discussing datapacks versus modpacks with chat. Tango pauses the game to go choose a datapack that will give him connected glass. Chat helps him navigate the menus. He finds Unobtrusive and selects several glass options. He downloads the pack and implements it. Chat is mildly concerned that clean borderless glass will be invisible. The world renders back in with little stripes on the glass but no borders. Chat says clean and borderless are not compatible. Tango can live with it. Chat likes it. He and chat continue discussing the possibilities of resource-pack altered glass.

1:22:50 It’s water kitten time! Chat reminds him again about the sponge. Tango finds some wet sponges in his ender chest and places two in the aquarium. He thanks the chat for donos and subs. Tango is excited about a new version of Clank coming out. He looks at the tank and is satisfied. Chat is full of suggestions for armor stand scuba divers, shipwrecks and treasure chests. Tango says he might get Cleo to do an armor stand. He asks for how to breed water kittens and tells chat that the plan is to try and find wild ones, give up after five half-hearted minutes, then go breed Joel’s.

1:28:30 The adventure begins. Tango flies around looking for azalea trees. He realizes he’s forgotten an ender chest and goes to steal one from Zed. Zed does not have one. Tango figures maybe he won’t need one. In chat, Pearl warns Tango that the lush caves nearby kinda suck. Chat is full of advice on finding lush caves. Tango admires Scar’s portal as he flies by. He finds Jevin’s head farm and is confused by it.

1:32:50 Tango realizes that the other thing he forgot is a bed. Impulse sleeps, averting a crisis. Tango finds a tall hill with cherry trees on top and calls it Magic Mountain 2.0. It is already hollow, meaning the Magic Mountain crew could’ve saved a lot of time if they started with this one. Chat says it’s time to relocate. Tango finds a pillager outpost and releases the iron golem just for chaos’ sake. More flying, more looking for azaleas, more getting lost-ish. Tango realizes that without his ender chest, running out of rockets could be a serious problem. Chat spots an azalea tree, but the stream delay makes things difficult.

1:38:20 Unable to find what Chat says they saw, Tango flies onward. He looks around in a spruce and ice biome for a little while, then decides that the rocket situation is too precarious and he should head home.

1:40:00 Tango spots an azalea, and a lush biome that starts on the surface. He notes down the coords and begins to dig, harvesting the rooted dirt. The hole opens into a lush cave canyon. Tango goes exploring.

1:43:20 Chat notes that this is not a very good lush cave. Tango agrees. He fails at some parkour and makes a joke about 39th place skills. He starts digging down further, following the rooted dirt. Tango really wishes he brought his ender chest. The hole opens into a much better cave, except it is full of hostile mobs. Tango flees. He also did not bring a bow.

1:46:30 Tango predicts that he will die down here and it will be horrible. He updates his coords. He remembers that he forgot a totem of undying. He is surprised he hasn’t seen any water kittens. Chat informs him that they have seen some. A chatter helpfully tells him they look like pink lizards. Tango begin clearing out the hostile mobs to help the mob cap and increase his chances of survival.

1:51:00 Tango catches his first water kitten, a color that is hard to pin down but is probably pink. There is great rejoicing. Pearl is stream-sniping and cheers along in game chat. He catches a second one, a brown one, and asks chat if they should go for more. Chat says he should get more colors if he can.

1:55:00 Tango searches fruitlessly for several more minutes. Chat contemplates how nice it would be to have a bow. They suggest that Tango should collect small dripleaf. Tango says he doesn’t even know what that is. Chat says it is dripleaf that is small.

1:56:40 Tango finally hits the axolotl jackpot and finds a whole family group. He is very excited because one of them is pink. He catches a pink one, gets jump scared by a spider, then catches two yellows and another pink. The last yellow baby gives him a run for his money, but eventually gets bucketed. He celebrates his 39th place skills.

1:57:30 Time to go home, but how? Tango begins working his way out of the cave with gravel, sparing use of rockets, and digging straight up.

1:59:40 Tango reaches the surface and rejoices. He is right on the edge of Joe’s build. He pokes around the build, looking for a portal. Chat directs him to one and he gets to take a shortcut home. Back at the factory, he puts away the rooted dirt and other goodies he collected. Chat wants him to name the water kittens, but confesses that they will not despawn if not named. Chat convinces him to name them for fun. Tango is disappointed that there is no way to know the color while they are in the buckets. Chat is full of name ideas. He names the water kittens Swim Shady, Pumpkin, Hockey Puck, 39th Place, Water Smitten, and Swimpulse.

2:06:30 Tango releases the water kittens into the tank. Swimpulse is pink. He asks if they will jump out, then covers the hole to prevent it. He looks at the tank and is pleased. The tank looks good. Chat is very happy.

2:08:20 Tango hears a fart noise. He checks to see if Skizzleman is on the server. He is not, but Chat confirms they heard the fart. Tango begins searching for the farter. Scar drops down the elevator and says hello. He claims he had nothing to do with any backend exhaustion. He is the burper, not the farter. Tango suggests he must’ve burped on the wrong end. Scar says again that it wasn’t him, and that he came out to compliment Tango on his ask-a-lottles. Tango proudly shows off the tank. Scar offers to thin the herd if needed, but Tango says he’s going to grow the herd instead. Scar asks if it is possible to breed axolotls, and Tango explains yes, they do it by ripping Nemo to shreds. Scar thinks that is cool.

2:10:20 Scar and Tango have a conversation about connected and clean glass textures Scar has the same pack that Tango does. They both think that the stripes are just too white. Scar says it’s better now than it used to be, when glass was really terrible. He made his own texture pack back in the day that smoothed wool and wood, cleaned glass, and made mushrooms bigger. Scar suggests that maybe the tank needs a turtle or a dolphin, and says that he could help with that. Tango likes the idea of a turtle. He asks if Scar can deliver one. Scar says he can deliver anything, with a 50% chance of it being alive on delivery.

2:12:45 Scar is distracted from the turtle conversation when he catches a glimpse of the factory’s object-moving infrastructure. He is fascinated by the way that the blocks bob up and down “Willy Wonka style”. Tango admits that it’s just lag, probably because Doc’s on. Scar asks if Doc is still on a rampage about his stolen diamonds. Tango says he doesn’t know, but they agree that it’s pretty funny Doc is mad about stolen diamonds when he literally uses diamond ore for building blocks. They both hope that whoever the diamond bandit is, they keep going and take more. Tango implies that maybe Scar was the culprit all along, but Scar insists it was not him. He has to stay on Doc’s good side now because of his many crimes against the guy in Season 9. He remembers the tunnel bore disaster, where Grian banged and then he banged and there was a whole lot of banging and in the end he had to hide in a toilet.

2:15:10 Tango asks if Scar wants to do something dangerous. Scar immediately says yes. “Like really dangerous?” Tango presses. Scar nods. Tango tells Scar to follow him. He leads Scar over to the hole. Scar asks if this is where Decked Out 3 is. Tango confirms it totally is Decked Out 3. Scar looks down the hole and asks where it goes. Tango encourages him to drop down and Scar does, using his elytra for a soft fall down the two-wide hole. Tango follows, expecting Scar to have fallen into the void, but find him two blocks away in a two-deep hole in the bedrock. Tango tells him he missed. Scar gets himself out of the hole and immediately falls into another one. He climbs out, says “Jeez, there’s holes everywhere!” and instantly falls into the void hole. Tango cackles madly.

2:16:10 Tango freecams into the void and finds Scar rocketing around under the bedrock, calling for him and looking for the hole. Tango encourages him to “follow the sheep!” Scar makes several passes by the hole before managing to find it and shoot through it. Tango cheers and pops back into his body just in time for Scar to die of experiencing kinetic energy. Tango tries to figure out where Scar’s bits went. He uses freecam to search up to farm level, where he finds Skizzleman wandering around the edge of the hole. Chat informs him that Skizz (who is also streaming) has collected Scar’s things.

2:18:20 Tango flies up the shaft and finds some of Scar’s things at the top of the hole. He also finds Scar, who bounds over yelling “THIS IS A HELL-HOLE MURDER CHAMBER!” Tango compliments Scar on doing a great job getting out of the void. Apparently falling into the void resurrected all sorts of traumatic Season 8 memories of being thrown down the Boatem Hole. Skizz is nowhere to be seen at this point. Scar asks where the rest of his stuff is. Tango says he doesn’t know, but that he suspects there is someone else around here. Scar threatens to shove an askalottle in their face. He jumps back down to the hole and asks if he flew all the way up here, even as Skizz makes an appearance. He is wearing Scar’s hat and giggling.

2:19:10 Scar greets Skizz as “Skizzie-lizzie!” then asked Tango if he really flew all the way up that hole. Skizz thanks Scar, telling him that he has been streaming for seven seconds and he already has what might be the best blooper reel moment ever. He explains that he was sneaking up on Tango and happened to turn around just in time to see Scar for a tenth of a second before he exploded. Skizz returns Scar’s things to him, telling him that he made himself into a chest to collect Scar’s stuff for him. Scar, who is digging in his ender chest, suddenly realizes that he has found “The Flatulenster” who was making the fart noise earlier. Tango laughs. Scar confronts Skizz, who tells Scar to put his ender chest back on the ground and open it, then look for the “thank you” he owes Skizz. Tango points out that Skizz was not online when the fart occurred.

2:20:30 Scar thanks Skizz for saving his things and apologizes for fart-accusing him. Skizz doesn’t even know what Scar is talking about. Scar proceeds to tell Skizz the tragic tale of his visit to Tango where he just wanted to compliment some asskalottles and was accused of a fart he did not commit. Skizz commiserates, saying that the same thing happened the last time he streamed with Tango, and that he suspects it is Tango’s fault and/or imagination. Tango insists that his chat heard the fart too. ((The fart noise is audible on VOD review.)) Scar says they need Mrs. T to confirm that Tango is a fart-denyer.

2:21:50 Skizz is still wondering why Scar exploded. Tango explains it’s because he jumped down the hole. Scar leads Skizz over to the hole and encourages him to jump down, saying it’s fun. He tells Skizz that it is cool, and the reason that he died was because he came up too fast and had an accident. Skizz leans over the edge for a better look and Scar, in the least surprising act of Betrayal-By-Scar since The Lion King, kicks him down the hole. Skizz yells and begins attempting to rocket out of the hole with limited success. Scar insists he needs to go _down_ the hole, it’s super fun! Skizz manages to escape the hole and says no, because he doesn’t want to die. Tango and Scar assure him he won’t die (if he’s competent, Tango adds parenthetically.)

2:22:40 Resigned, Skizz asks if there’s a side he needs to jump down, then flings himself into the hole. He does a perfect full-send fall, right into the void, and falls out of the world. Tango shrieks in horrified delight. Scar calls down the hole that he feels bad now. In chat, False says “oof.” Tango demands to know why Skizz didn’t deploy his wings. “He would never have survived Boatem,” Scar observes dolefully.

2:23:10 Tango sees that Skizz is not in a group for chatting and opens in-game chat. “dude. for real. wings.” he types. “YOU HAVE THEM” Scar adds. Tango does not understand why Skizz did not just press space bar. False pipes up in in-game chat: “It’s Skizz, this is on you guys. :p” Tango says he can’t even feel guilty because he just doesn’t understand. Scar highlights a comment from Skizz’s chat about “40th place skills.” Impulse says that False is right. Skizz leaves the game, to howls from Scar and Tango. They decide that they will have to assemble a care basket for Skizz to help him replace all his lost bits. Skizz rejoins the game.

2:24:15 Tango and Scar leave the hole. Scar can’t believe that Decked Out 3 is down there somewhere. The pair begin digging through their things to find stuff for Skizz. Scar says he will give Skizz a special pair of wings. Tango asks if they will auto-deploy. Skizz reappears, naked but for an elytra, and tells them to gather round and shut up. He tells them that he is going to give them a list of what they owe him, and that it’s coming back. Tango, barely able to talk from laughing, asks if he owes Skizz a space bar. Cause if that’s broken, he will definitely get Skizz a new one. Skizz stutters, then screeches “SHUT UPPP!” Tango loses it. Skizz tells them that he fell into the void and rocketed upwards “like a beast” but it wasn’t happening because he was falling AT TERMINAL VELOCITY, JERK. He demands to know why that hole is there, it makes no sense! (“That’s what she said,” mutters Scar.)

2:25:50 Scar asks why Skizz didn’t use his space bar to deploy his elytra. Skizz protests that he did, and that the first time he left the hole they gave him a bunch of static about how he was supposed to go down the hole. He thought that the little black square at the bottom of the hole was carpet. By the time he realized he was in the void, he was too deep to rocket out. Tango presents Skizz with an elytra named “Spacebar” and tells him that might help him next time. Skizz sighs. He tells Scar and Tango that the bow he had on him was a top-shelf bow, his only good bow of the season, and it was a gift from Grian. He also says his axe was amazing and it’s gone. Scar, who has been yawning through this, tells Skizz to stop complaining and they’ll work it out. Tango tells Skzz they’ll make him a care package. Skizz tells them he ALSO had a briefcase of five thousand dollars. Scar tries to give Skizz the HotGuy bow, but Skizz can’t accept that, so Scar tells him he’ll make him a “Hot-something” bow. Tango begins working up some enchanted diamond armor with the armor and books he has in his storage. Skizz claims that he’s not even complaining, he’s just stating something that happened, and it’s that his friends were JERKS. Offscreen, Scar opens a shulker box and tells Skizz to grab a pickaxe. Skizz sounds a little intimidated as he asks Scar why he has so much awesome stuff. Scar says it’s because he is awesome. Tango creates “Boots of Speed Falling.”

2:28:15 Tango gives the boots to Skizz, who gets a pair of pickaxes from Scar as well. Skizz is starting to feel like he’s making out pretty well. Scar tells the story of the time he lost his shovel in the mail system and Tango replaced it with a vastly inferior shovel. Tango disputes the veracity of the story. Skizz wants to know when he gets his bow. Scar tells him he’s going to make it, and that it will be a HotGuy bow with a different name. Skizz assumes it’s going to be Spacebar again. He demands to know why Tango didn’t tell him what was down the hole. Tango points out that if he had, Skizz wouldn’t have jumped. He just assumed that Skizz would have plenty of time to react during the eight full seconds it takes to fall into the void with wings.

2:29:20 Skizz says he’s gonna do it again. Tango tells him he won’t remiburse him this time. Skizz says he knows, he’s going to use his unenchanted wings and make Tango hold the good ones. Tango offers him rockets. Skizz waffles a little about doing it. Tango encourages him. ((Scar is mostly still and silent during this period because he is mocking Skizz on Twitter.)) Skizz approaches the elevator drop shaft and worries he’s going to lose his wings here. Tango tells him to take his boots off, at least. Skizz says he’s going to take it all off. “I bet you are,” says Tango, kicking him down the drop shaft. Skizz screams “STOP IT!” as he falls. Tango follows him. He attempts to prank the shaft and kill Scar, but is a second too slow. Scar plays the Inside Joke horn.

2:30:50 Skizz goes to unequip himself and tries to get Scar to put down an ender chest. Scar eventually puts one down. Tango tells Skizz that the real challenge is to fly to Zed’s base through the void. He tells Skizz that Zed has a big hole and he just needs to head west. There will be a pink sheep to light the way. Skizz doesn’t realize that it’s possible to survive in the void long enough to fly anywhere, drawing derision from Void Veteran Tango. Scar says he gets it, Zed and Tango are setting up a hole-to-hole network the way that there is a crack-to-crack network in Magic Mountain. Tango confirms this is exactly correct. Scar complains that the crack network is all hype and no substance, he wants to join the hole network. Skizz suggests that Tango should go with him on the trip, but Tango says he needs to go to Zed’s and make sure his hole is ready to accept. The recapper is very upset. Chat is beside themselves.

2:32:30 Tango heads for Zed’s base while giving Skizz travel advice. Skizz needs to turn on hitboxes so he will see the sheep better and fly due west. Scar doesn’t know what Due means and demands and explanation. Tango confirms that the hole is very much open. Skizz cackles, and Tango says he really needs to watch Tango’s new episode. Skizz reiterates that he can’t believe they let him die. Scar points out that Skizz kinda let himself die. Skizz disagreed, saying he got himself out of the hole and they told him to get back in there. Tango tells him to get in the hole. He and the Chat experience the radio play version of Scar leading Skizz back to the hole into the void. Skizz asks if Scar will do it too. Scar yawns and says no, he has all his stuff on him, then says fine. Skizz is pleased. Tango freecams into the void to watch while Scar and Skizz prep for the jump.

2:34:45 Skizz announces that he is going. “I’m going. I’m Going. I’M GOOIIIINNNG!” he yells. He immediately dies by falling from a high place. Tango puts his face in his hand. Skizz declares that the thing is stupid. Scar declares that he is going and yells his way down the hole, ending with a disappointed groan. He has popped his totem. He dives into the hole anyway and quickly becomes visible to Tango, who attempts to guide him in. Scar heads for Tango and the safety of Zedaph’s base while treating him and the Chat to a barrage of perhaps the most atrocious phrasing in the history of accidental dirty talk. He escapes the void and immediately dies of kinetic energy again.

2:36:00 Skizz demands another pair of wings so he can get back to the hole again. Tango demands to know how many wings Skizz could possibly need. Scar asks Tango to collect up his bits because he has suddenly realized he needs to go. Tango collects Scar’s possessions where they are scattered across the bedrock. Skizz interrupts and demands attention to say that he demands somebody do something. Scar tells him the adults are talking. He asks Tango to pack up his wings and rockets for him and Tango confirms he has them. Skizz says this base is dumb and he hates it. Scar leaves. Skizz tells Tango he needs to collect his wings from the edge of the hole before they despawn. Tango heads back to his base to get the wings, arguing with Skizz the whole time.

2:37:40 Tango jumps down the hole, successfully deploying his elytra for a soft fall. The wings are not there. Skizz tells him to look harder. Tango freecams and looks around, but there are no wings. They argue about the wings for a few minutes, and then about the deployment of Skizz’s spacebar and how he possibly could’ve died if he was flying correctly. Skizz wants his wings so he can try again. Tango asks rhetorically what Skizz wants him to do as he begins to ascend the hole. Skizz says he wants Tango to catch him and jumps in the hole. He falls past Tango and dies from a high-place fall. Tango arrives at the top of the hole and sings a bar of “Strangers in the Night.” Skizz says “Whatever” and starts talking about how he was throwing dice in the alley. Tango has no idea what’s going on and asks Skizz if he’s been drinking. Skizz says no, and Tango suggests that maybe he should. Skizz tries to explain that he was channeling the United States of Whatever. Impulse drops down the elevator shaft.

2:40:10 Tango informs Skizz they have a guest, then moon lands at Impulse until he joins the group and says hello. Tango cheers that Impulse is back from the dead, though still kind of dead. Impulse sounds pretty rough, but says he came over because he found something. He asks where Skizz is, but Tango doesn’t know. Skizz killed himself to get back to his base quicker, but is on his way back. He comes down the drop chute, and Tango doesn’t have the heart to sabotage him. Impulse presents Skizz with an enchanted elytra. It is also called Spacebar. Tango is confused and asks Impulse if he found them, and how. Impulse said he was in the void and caught them. He is clearly lying. Tango says now Skizz has two spacebars, and he is probably going to need them with the way he flies. Skizz agrees, because he is probably going to spend one now on another attempt.

2:42:00 Skizz begins quizzing Tango on what he does to successfully jump down the hole. Tango’s answers are not entirely helpful, probably because Tango is so used to elytra flying that some things are muscle memory. Skizz challenges him to jump down the hole and not deploy the wings until he is in the void. Tango tries to push Tango down the hole again and Skizz yells at him that he is naughty. Tango refuses to take the challenge. Impulse admits that the wings he gave Skizz were a pair of Scar’s wings he found one day and kept. Skizz is okay with that. Tango asks Impulse how he’s doing. Impulse is still not feeling good. Skizz tells him there’s something down this hole over here that will help with that. His attempt to fool Impulse rapidly derails into a retelling of his own story of hole-related woe, and Impulse is not convinced.

2:44:20 Tango tells Impulse he named a water kitten after him. He opens up the aquarium and lets Impulse jump in to meet Swimpulse. Impulse is charmed and admits he thought it was going to be something rude. Impulse decides he will try to get through the hole-to-hole connection. Skizz is offended that Tango cares about Impulse being set up properly, when he just kicked Skizz down the hole. Impulse points out that Skizz should’ve known he was in for something, being as how this is Hermitcraft. Skizz, mimicking Tango, asks Impulse if he wants some soup. Impulse actually would like some soup. Tango notices Scar’s tweet and dissolves into laughter. Skizz and Impulse both laugh too. Tango goes and finds Impulse a bed. Skizz continues complaining.

2:47:45 Impulse sets his spawn. Tango directs him to the hole, and then he and Skizz head for Zedaph’s base. Skizz nearly falls into Zed’s hole. Impulse falls from a high place. He loses his elytra. Tango apologizes for his defective hole. Impulse falls out of the world. It was tactical.

2:51:40 Impulse tries again. He makes it down into the void and heads for Zed’s hole. He flies cleanly up into it and survives, then immediately says “I’m going back” and dives into the void. Tango follows him and immediately gets lost. He figures out where he is and somehow smashes himself into the space one block above the void. Skizz, who is too afraid to jump into the hole, demands an ender chest so he can put his wings away. Tango invites both of them to join the hole network.

2:53:00 Tango and Impulse have a conversation about hole architectural improvements while Skizz goes on in the background about all the cool stuff he has and doesn’t want to lose by jumping into the void. He asks where they are. Tango says they are at his hole. Skizz says they can’t be at his hole, he is at Tango’s hole, then realizes he is at Zed’s hole. Impulse tells him to get his holes right. Impulse does a clean free-fall from the top of Tango’s hole into the void and catches himself with a rocket. Impulse calls it exhilarating. Skizz finds a box to put his stuff in and prepares to jump again. Chat says this is why women live longer than men. Tango agrees. Skizz jumps in the hole. He realizes he is using exploding fireworks moments before he dies of being exploded.

2:57:00 Skizz respawns at his own base. He tells Tango he owes him more wings. Tango just laughs at him. Skizz realizes he stashed his gear in Zed’s fireworks box and accidentally picked up a stack of Zed’s fireworks instead of his own rockets. He tells the others that he has a problem because now he has to keep trying until he succeeds. Tango points out that he’s going to run out of wings fairly quickly at this rate. Skizz tells him to shut up, he has to believe. Tango asks what they can do to help. Skizz asks Impulse to get his stuff from Zed’s place, because he needs wings and rockets. Tango starts laughing all over again about the exploding fireworks thing. Tango asks if this means Skizz also dumped a whole stack of Zed’s (very expensive) custom fireworks down the void too. Skizz says of course it does.

2:59:20 Skizz decides to make another attempt at the hole. Tango and chat are just listening to the drama unfold at this point. Impulse jumps down the hole and flies over to Zed’s place through the void. His casual flexing at this point cannot be overstated. A chatter posts a clip of Skizz’s firework-enabled demise from Skizz’s POV. Tango watches it with great delight, treating chat to a reprise of Skizz’s screaming. He compliments Skizz on his amazing death and they discuss the thought process that goes through one’s head when one is flying in the void with half a heart left and nothing but exploding fireworks. Impulse arrives at Zed’s and finds Skizz to help him ready up for another attempt, notably by making sure he has flight rockets. Tango’s chat is empathizing with Skizz’s chat in the clip, who clearly knew that Skizz had taken the wrong fireworks and were trying to warn him.

3:00:30 Another attempt is made. Skizz was not ready, but successfully dives into the void. Tango watches the Void from freecam and encourages him to follow the dangling sheep. Skizz and Impulse successfully make the flight from Zed’s hole to Tango’s. Tango congratulates him, then says it’s actually fairly low-risk. Skizz asks if he��s maybe considered making it a bigger hole. Tango says he thinks the hole network should be everyone’s normal means of traveling. Skizz asks about the sheep on the lead, Tango describes the process of dangling a sheep in the void. Skizz realizes he left his stuff at Zed’s house. Tango encourages him to go back to Zed’s house the cool way, but Skizz is extremely reluctant. Tango jumps into the hole and goes to Zed’s house. Skizz and Impulse go the uncool way.

3:05:15 Impulse, Skizz and Tango look at Zed’s contraptions, playing with the elevator and the enchanting table game. Skizz asks how the enchanting game works, Imp and Tango explain very badly. Skizz plays with the game for a few minutes and realizes that the only reward is the ability to enchant one’s items. Tango asks Skizz if he needs anything replaces from his adventures, but Skizz says Tango and Scar fixed him up. They agree that it was a very funny adventure and Tango leaves. Impulse says he will stay behind to fix the enchanting game, which is now mysteriously broken.

3:09:30 Tango returns to the factory. He agrees with Chat that his face hurts from laughing so much. He summarizes the accomplishments of the day and tells Chat that the VOD will be uploaded soon. He reminds Chat that his new video is also up now. He thanks Chat and raids into Skizzleman, then ends his stream.

#hermitcraft #stream recap #tangotek #goodtimeswithscar #impulsesv #skizzleman #pearlescentmoon #and zedaph because his base was a major character in this one

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fibula-rasa · 11 months ago

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Christmas Films of a Century Past

(updated!)

For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to watch somewhere 50-60 Christmas and Christmas-adjacent silent films from before 1920 to put together a playlist for you all.

I chose these as a representative selection. My general criteria were:

Christmas should be central to the story

The plot should be novel to a modern viewer or something a modern viewer would be surprised to see so early on film

The list on the whole should have a variety of settings and narrative structures

Here’s a direct link to the YouTube playlist, if you want to watch them all in one go. (They are all shorter than feature length!)

Two quick presentation notes:

Some of the videos have music and some don’t, so you may want to check your volume level.

The intertitles for some of these films are not in English, so be sure you have captions turned on for English translations.

READ ON BELOW!

1. Santa Claus (1898) (UK)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by George Albert Smith

Short and sweet, this film sees children put to bed by their nanny on Christmas Eve and Santa Claus coming down the chimbley to fill their dutifully hung stockings. Director G.A. Smith used his own patented technique of double exposure to show Santa’s arrival without cutting away from the children’s room. Santa Claus might not pack the punch of a Méliès trick film, but it’s a fun novelty and is purportedly the first appearance of Santa Claus on film.

2. The Little Match Seller (1902) (UK)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by James Williamson

This one’s a quick but effective adaptation of the Hans Christian Anderson tragedy featuring impressively well-coordinated superimpositions.

3. The Christmas Angel (1904) (FR)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by George Méliès for Star Film Company

The Christmas Angel follows an impoverished girl driven into the city to beg on a snowy winter night. First she’s chased away from a church by more seasoned beggars; then she’s thrown out of a poultry seller and harassed by police. On the verge of falling asleep in the snow, a rag-and-bone man rouses her and offers her help. Later, the girl passes out beside a road but is luckily spotted by a wealthy couple on a car ride. When they learn of her plight, they bring her home along with food and gifts.

Though not as fantastical as some of Méliès’ more famous works, The Christmas Angel is still highly stylized (and stylish) and features special effects that are photographed beautifully. It’s also worth noting that the version of the film included here is the American cut. The original French cut, titled Détresse et Charité (Distress and Charity), did not include the sequence with the wealthy couple and instead ends with the girl dying in the snow.

4. The Night Before Christmas (1905) (US)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by Edwin S. Porter for Edison Manufacturing Company

This is the first time the poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” was put on film. Loosely following the poem, we see Santa Claus prepare for his yearly trek while a middle-class family prepares for his visit. When Santa heads out, we are treated to an extended panning sequence with a fully painted backdrop for a mini Santa and his reindeer to glide across. When Santa arrives at the family home, he chaotically dumps presents and decorations around their living room and makes a large, decorated tree appear out of thin air. (Across many of the movies I watched to put this post together, this seems to be a favored scenario for the jolly fat man around this time—and it’s delightful.) The family then wakes to find their gifts and the film closes with Santa directly wishing us a Merry Christmas.

5. A Little Girl Who Did Not Believe in Santa Claus (1907) (US)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by J. Searle Dawley and Edwin S. Porter for Edison Manufacturing Company

Even at the risk of this list being too Edison heavy, I couldn’t leave this great short out. While walking with his mother, a rich little boy encounters a poor little girl alone in the cold. They take her home to play and warm up. When the boy learns that the girl doesn’t believe in Santa because apparently Santa doesn’t visit poor children, he hatches a scheme. On Christmas Eve, the boy holds a stake out near the fireplace and takes Santa hostage, tying him up and holding him at gunpoint. The boy then forces Santa to visit the girl—going so far as shimmying down the chimney himself to let Santa in the front door. When the girl wakes up to a beautifully decorated tree, new toys, and a full stocking, she can finally believe in Santa Claus. While I’m generally not so into stories about supposedly benevolent rich people, I do love the implications this story has on how Santa Claus works and I also find the means with which the boy gets his way hilarious.

6. Il Natale di Cretinetti / Foolshead’s Christmas (1909) (IT)

[& Come fu che l’ingordigia rovino il Natale di Cretinetti / How Greediness Spoilt Foolshead’s Christmas (1910) & Il Natale di Cretinetti (1911)]

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by Andre Deed for Itala Film

This entry is a three-for, which I hope you’ll excuse, but I couldn’t decide which Cretinetti Christmas to share! Cretinetti, the comedic persona of filmmaker Andre Deed, is an absolute agent of chaos.

In the 1909 film, Cretinetti attempts to bring a tree home for a Christmas party. The destruction escalates wildly, culminating in an entire building falling to pieces.

If you can believe it, the stakes are even higher in the 1910 film, when Cretinetti can’t resist sneaking out of bed on Christmas Eve to snack on the candy decorating the tree. When Santa sees what Cretinetti has done, he chides him and takes him back to his workshop—which is apparently in heaven. Destruction ensues. Cretinetti then proceeds to cause havoc for Saint Peter, annoying god so much that he calls the devil to come get Cretinetti. Cretinetti is then chased to hell where demons try to cook him alive. Thankfully, spoiler alert, it was all a bad dream and he wakes up on Christmas morning with a terrible stomach ache.

The 1911 film returns to localized chaos. Cretinetti has a run-in with a mail carrier and his Christmas packages get mixed up with one of the carrier’s parcels. The parcel contains three bottles of ether which then begin to emit gasses in the middle of the family Christmas party.

I wasn’t familiar with Cretinetti before reviewing films for this list, but I’m definitely going to seek out more of Deed’s movies. Each of these films had well-executed chaotic slapstick; over-the-top in all the right ways.

7. Making Christmas Crackers (1910) (UK)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Produced by Cricks & Martin Films for Clarke, Nickolls, & Coombs Confectionery

To start, if you’re not sure what a Christmas cracker is, it’s a colorfully decorated paper tube that makes a cracking noise as you pull it open. Inside the tube is a paper hat, a joke, and/or a small toy. It’s a traditional part of UK Christmas celebrations.

This short starts as a documentary of the workers at Clarke, Nickolls, & Coombs constructing the crackers. It’s a fun thought that as early as 1910, people were interested in watching how mass-produced consumer goods were made. It’s also fun to see these skilled workers ply their trade so deftly (even though wages and working conditions were likely less than ideal). The film ends with a family celebrating around a Christmas tree topped with a functional giant cracker.

8. A Christmas Carol (1910) (US)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by J. Searle Dawley for Edison Films Manufacturing Company

There are so so so many film adaptations of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol made before 1920 that it was hard to choose which one to include on this list. In the end I chose this 1910 version for its economy of storytelling, fluid use of special effects, and for Marc McDermott’s great performance as Scrooge.

9. Broncho Billy’s Christmas Dinner (1911) (US)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by Gilbert M. Anderson (Broncho Billy) for The Essanay Film Manufacturing Company

Gilbert M. Anderson was an incredibly prolific and popular filmmaker and star of early American film, particularly in his role as Broncho Billy. As was typical for Anderson, he’s pulling triple duty on Broncho Billy’s Christmas Dinner as the star, director, and producer. The film features a simple and heartwarming story.

On Christmas, Billy comes across a young woman in peril as her horses got startled and are now pulling her cart along wildly. Billy manages to wrangle the horses and in gratitude she invites him to Christmas dinner at her parents’ home. Unfortunately, her father happens to be the sheriff. But, all is well, as it turns out that Broncho Billy’s been given a pardon and the sheriff welcomes him to the table gladly.

The enduring appeal of outlaws or criminals getting into the Christmas spirit is fascinating to me and it’s cool to see such an early instance of the story!

10. Le Noel de la princesse / The Little Princess’s XMas Gift (1911) (FR)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Produced by Société Générale des Cinématographes Éclipse

In all honesty, this is the least Christmassy (but also probably most christian-y) of all the films I included here, but its style and novelty stood out. The sets, costuming, and production design are lush. It might also be one of the weirdest Christmas stories I’ve even encountered.

After Lord Othberg passes away, the conniving Otto plans to assassinate the baby prince in order to inherit the lordship himself. He poisons the baby, but the princess prays for her baby brother to come back to life as her Christmas gift. An angel appears to her and they summon Jesus, who resurrects her baby brother. Of course, they then place the revivified baby in the castle’s nativity scene, to the joy of all but Otto.

11. Ida’s Christmas (1912) (US)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by Van Dyke Brooke for Vitagraph Company of America

With a more classic Christmassy story, Ida’s Christmas tells us of a family who are facing hard times. Ida (played by a very small Dolores Costello) has her eyes on a pricey doll. Meanwhile, her mother seeks out employment with a wealthy family. The matriarch of the wealthy family overhears Ida’s wish and decides to buy the doll for her as a surprise. Later, Ida is distraught to find that the doll has been purchased but comes across a wallet that someone has dropped. She considers taking the money, but chases down the owner instead. The old man gives her some reward money for returning the wallet. Ida rushes to see if she can buy the doll, but has second thoughts when she thinks about how much her family could use the money. She arrives home with the money just in time for a Santa-esque old man to show up bearing packages and an assurance that the wealthy family has work for her father. The film ends with the family celebrating an unexpectedly Merry Christmas.

It’s a sweet story that hits so many beats of what we now consider traditional Christmas tales.

12. Рождество обитателей леса / The Insect’s Christmas (1913) (RU)

[letterboxd | imdb]

Directed by Władysław Starewicz for Khanzhonkov

Fair warning, if you thought The Princess’s XMas Gift was odd, you might need to ready yourself for this one. Stop-motion virtuoso Władysław Starewicz (Ladislas Starevich) spins a tale about a tiny ornament of Santa/Ded Moroz coming to life on Christmas and going out into the wild to bring Christmas joy to creatures small and smaller, including a frog and a ladybug. Starewicz’s animation is as impeccable as ever and the short is imaginative and quirky.

Honorable Mention:

Dance of the Seasons (1900)

Christmas Dream (1900)

Christmas Eve (1913)

A Christmas Carol (1914)

Snow White (1916)

A Winter Straw Ride (1906)

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caffinatedstory · 10 months ago

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Two Oceans

I won't say what date this ask if from... But finally got around to this one at least...

(AO3)

------------

"What's love?" Iceland enquires with a curious gaze up at his brother.

The question seems to take Norway by surprise.

The previous 30-50 questions Iceland had asked today had been more about why grass was green and the sky blue. Norway wasn't prepared for this sort of stuff.

He'd gotten away with blaming the gods for a lot of stuff too, but he didn't think that would work now.

"I'm..." he started then trailed off. Their walk through the fields came to a halt as well as Norway just could not think of an easy way to explain. "That's a very big question," he finally managed to say as he sat down in the grass.

Iceland happily sat next to him, tiny hand still clinging to Norway's tunic.

"I heard one of the men tell a poem to a lady, and she said she loved it," Iceland smiled.

"Yeah... Love comes in many shapes and forms," Norway nodded. He felt about 3000 years too young to explain this to a child, even if said child was as immortal as him.

"Is love nice?"

"It should be,"

"Is it warm?"

"Usually..."

"So love is like a warm stew?"

Norway laughed and ruffled Iceland's pale hair affectionately.

"Yeah, love is absolutely like a warm stew. Made by someone who really cares about you and want you to grow big and strong," he smiled warmly.

"But sometimes love is hot and scary and almost painful. Like a volcano bubbling up from the ground,"

Iceland nodded wordlessly. He seemed to be grasping the concept.

"Love is wanting to hug someone super close. But also maybe wanting to be left alone a little bit,"

"Like you do with Denmark?"

"Exactly."

"Is love sweet?"

"Sweet as mead and honey,"

"Love sounds nice," Iceland smiled.

"Yeah it is..." Norway nodded. "But it's complicated. You'll probably feel many different version of love as you grow older. We both will..."

"Sounds exciting!" Iceland hummed with a sence of glee that Norway could only describe as childlike.

"Love is absolutely exciting. And a little scary. Imagine wanting to do anything for the person you love! Some people even lose their minds to love,"

"Oh..."

"Love is a strong bond that can be impossible to break, like the fetters of Fenris. However, if done wrong then love can also dissappear as quickly as snow on water," Norway pointed toward the the ocean.

"Love can be as big as the ocean and as small as a raindrop. You can't really run out of love, but you can divide it in unequal parts..."

"So I can love someone a little and someone else a lot?"

"Yeah," Norway nodded, satisfied to some extent with his own wisdom he had now imparted on his brother.

"Well, then I think I love you as much as the ocean allows," Iceland smiled brightly.

"The whole ocean?" Norway grinned. "That's a lot of love..."

"Yes. But you said I couldn't run out of love,"

"And neither can I," Norway's grin turned into a warm smile as he pulled Iceland into a warm hug. "But I think I'm going to need two oceans to show you how much I love you."

Iceland giggled and hugged Norway tightly in return.

—---------------------

"What's this?" Norway points to a giant white plastic bag on Iceland's floor that contained what seems to be a whole lot of fabric, smiling ever so slightly as he does so.

"Nothing," Iceland replies a little too hastily, and shoves the bag behind his sofa.

"Ah, so you're hiding nothing?" Norway chuckles and takes a step closer to the sofa. "Mind if I look at this 'nothing' then?"

Iceland's cheeks redden and he appears to be contemplating what to do before he sighs in defeat and retrieves the bag, throwing it a little too violently at Norway.

"Whoa!" Norway laughs as he catches the bag, nearly toppling over at the sheer weigh . "Good thing I wasn't holding coffee! This thing could take even Denmark out. "

"Would have served you right," Iceland grumbles and averts his gaze to the floor.

"Your words wound me so," Norway replies flatly, as he peers into the bag.

His face contorting into a confused expression.

"What is this?" He asks as he slowly starts to pull out a quilted blanket.

"A quilt," Iceland replies coldly. "You've got eyes,"

"Yeah, I can see that but-" Norway's words trail off as he spots some familiar embroidery on one of the patches.

"Is this all your old clothes? The ones I made you?"

"Yeah," Iceland's gaze is still locked to the floor. "Felt wrong to just throw them away," he shrugs.��"I've out grown them... But they're still, you know... Memories..."

Norway doesn't say anything else as he starts to unfold the quilt.

A beautiful and intricate image of the ocean lays in front of him, made up of lots of tiny bits of old clothes Iceland has worn though the ages.

Norway runs his hands over the waves in the image.

"Wow," he finally utters.

"Remember when I asked what love is?" Iceland asks softly, cheeks still red.

"Yeah, I do..." Norway smiles softly in return.

"Well... You're still my brother, and the ocean hasn't gotten smaller..." Iceland shifts his weigh from one leg to the other in a slow but nervous manner.

"Think it's gotten even bigger actually," Norway adds, hand still tracing the quilt pattern.

"It's really well made. Made with lots of love..."

"A whole ocean worth," Iceland mumbles.

"I think it might even be two,"

"Yeah," Iceland nods ever so slightly. "Definitely two whole oceans."

#hetalia #aph iceland #hws iceland #aph norway #Hws Iceland #Whale brothers #Coffee's fics #I'm going to find all my spelling mistakes tomorrow #But right now I'm too tired to find them #Also suffering from a nasty cold/flu #So you're getting what you're getting I'm afraid #Anyway... I love some cute fluffy moments between brothers #I hope this conveys it well enough

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read-alert · 4 days ago

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October Wrap Up!

My favorite of the month was A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid, and Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord checked off Barbados for my Read the World Challenge!

Gravity Falls: Journal 3 by Alex Hirsch and Rob Renzetti- 5⭐️

Ander and Santi Were Here by Johnny Garza Villa- 4.5⭐️

Nightlights by Lorena Alvarez Gomez- 4⭐️

Fat Chance, Charlie Vega by Crystal Maldanado- 3.5⭐️

King and the Dragonflies by Kacen Callender- 5⭐️

Finding Joy by Adriana Herrera- 2.5⭐️

Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord- 4⭐️

A Warning About Swans by RM Romero- 4.5⭐️

The Death of Sitting Bear: New and Selected Poems by N Scott Momaday- 5⭐️

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll- 2.5⭐️

Celestial Monsters by Aiden Thomas- 3.5⭐️

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo- 4.5⭐️

A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid- 5⭐️

Mort by Terry Pratchett- 3.5⭐️

The Follower of Flowers by Natalia Hernandez- 5⭐️

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White- 4.5⭐️

Isla to Island by Alexis Castellanos- 5⭐️

Sweethand by NG Peltier- 3.5⭐️

Dying Inside by Pete Wentz et al- 1.5⭐️

You Don't Have a Shot by Raquel Marie- 4⭐️

A Mind Spread Out on the Ground by Alicia Elliot- 5⭐️

The Truth According to Ember by Danica Nava- 3⭐️

Those Beyond the Wall by Micaiah Johnson- 5⭐️

Notable Native People: 50 Indigenous Leaders, Dreamers, and Changemakers from Past and Present by Adrienne Keene- 5⭐️

The Night Wanderer by Drew Hayden Taylor- 5⭐️

Conflict Resolution for Holy Beings by Joy Harjo- 5⭐️

The Cane Kids by Kristen Lang- 5⭐️

Gravity Falls: Lost Legends by Alex Hirsch et al- 3⭐️

Stephanie Brown Batgirl vol 2 by Bryan Q Miller et al- 4⭐️

Anoka by Shane Hawk- 3.5⭐️

Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice- this one was a reread, originally rated 4⭐️, bumped up to 4.5⭐️ this time

Each of Us a Desert by Mark Oshiro- 3.5⭐️

#bookblr #monthly wrap up #october wrap up

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musubi-sama · 7 months ago

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Amazing Grace

This isn't edited, it's hardly coherent. But this is 2.7k words on what happened 17 years ago as I experienced it and how it's the weight I still carry today.

4/16/2007

TW: School shooting, video links of a poem reading and a piece of music.

Snow. It was snowing. In Spring. How weird is it, that of all the days, that this Monday when the flowers are trying to bloom and the trees are spreading their wings, that it is snowing. What a beautiful sight to see. My quiet campus blanketed in the serenity of a late and fluffy snow.

Grabbing my laptop and stuffing it into my bag, opting for a heavier coat this morning. Slipping my phone into your pocket as you make your way out of your dorm suite and off to your advanced freshman chemistry class. Stepping outside and taking in a deep breath, the chilly air feels good in your lungs.

Mornings are always bustling, but you don’t notice that it’s calmer on this morning. You miss the hushed whispers and skittering students and staff getting back to their dorms and offices at 9:30 am. Instead, you pull out your cell phone and call home.

“Can you BELIEVE that it’s snowing today? Oh, there was an alert sent in email saying there was a police call to a dorm, but it was handled. Yeah I’m safe. But this snow, it’s April! How crazy!” your mother requests you call your father just to check in. He would be worried otherwise.

“Hey dad, yeah there was a police alert about something in one of the dorms, but they said it was handled. SNOW ohmygosh it’s SNOWING!!”

The budding bushes are covered in ice. The walkways and staircases were slick and uneasy. Better be careful crossing the drillfield, don’t want to slip and fall!

Hey, why are there flashing blue lights back there in the academic buildings? Why is there a cop SUV in front of Buruss Hall and why is that cop pulling out a shockingly large gun?

Don’t pay it any mind. This is a big school, a school with a full police department because any number of things can go wrong or they’re training or…

Why is it so quiet over here? You know classes aren’t typically over for another 10 minutes, but it should be busier this time of day.

Hm, the lecture hall is mostly empty. Where is everyone? Is that an email? Is class cancel-no that’s the professor walking in right now. At least class isn’t canceled, it sure would be frustrating to cancel a 10:10 am class at 10 am.

Oh, there is an email.

ACTIVE SHOOTER SITUATION. SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY

Wait, when did that arrive? 9:50 am.

What the fuck did you see walking to class? What the fuck was that. Is that why the lights were flashing?

Fortunately one of your classmates was several steps ahead of you and already pressing your professor for answers. No one knew what the questions were other than if we were safe. Your professor was the department chair, surely he had a better line to finding an answer than waiting for another email to arrive?

You figure that we can distract ourselves with frivolous viral videos in the meantime blasted on the hall’s projectors.

But who cares about oh my gawd shoes and being kind to Brittney when the emails start to arrive about how there are dead students in the dorms and in the lecture buildings. Please let us out. Please let us run to our dorms and our apartments and to our families both found and blood.

Finally, we receive the “all clear” email and we rush back to our rooms.

Buildings are locked, suite doors typically left open to foster community are shut and locked.

Stumbling into your room, no one is home. But you have a message from your roommate that she is with her boyfriend and they are leaving soon for her home. You check your other messages. Your instant messenger is blown up from every contact asking if you’re safe. Oh good, everyone is safe. You even logged into that Facebook website to check on friends. Wait. What did they say? Who?? Oh no, and an email from your Band Director.

Gutted. Your head sinks to your desk, you’re slumped over in pain. He was mere weeks from graduation. 3 degrees. Honors for all. A light, a bright smile, a comforting hand. He just complimented your socks at the blood drive in….that dorm. Just a few weeks ago. What happened. Why is Stack dead.

One of your friends in the next suite comes over, you share an embrace, shoulders and arms as tissues.

“We should get food. Come with me?”

You drag yourself and a few other friends in the neighboring suite with you down the stairs to the closest dining hall. The award-winning food is bland, you’re not hungry. You all sit in relative silence trying to figure out what to say, who to look at, how to process. Returning back to your dorm, you friend invites you to his suite. You sit on the couch with others, your upperclassmen friends, all from band. All with stories extolling how wonderful Stack was. You agree to leave your computers alone and step away from your email for a few hours. You watch TV, do anything to distract yourselves. You think someone might even be having sex in the next room.

By dinner time someone brings by food they picked up off campus and everyone picks at it. At this point people have come and gone all day, with some saying their farewells as they choose to go back home until school opens up again.

Checking your email again, you see a long list of updates adjusting the death toll. The names of known victims. The gunman. Why does the number keep going up? Is it really over 20? What happened. You read a heartfelt email from your band director. You let yourself go, crying in your dark dorm room under your lofted bed. Tomorrow there will be a service for the community to gather. Those still on campus are suggested to attend in uniform and to stick together, there is comfort in the group.

Sleep is fitful that night.

Waking up, you have a missed call from home. “I heard classes are canceled. Do you want to come home?” offers your mother.

“Um, hold on. Let me check my email,” you climb down off your bed and open your laptop. Another name you recognize pops up in your email. “Please I want to go home. Erin died.”

She was your very first roommate. You moved out of her room before Spring semester because your friend had a spot open up in her suite and it was nicer accommodations. You didn’t really get to say goodbye to her. She was a good person. Energetic, smart, made friends everywhere.

“Your father and I are on our way, NOW.”

Unzipping the bag containing your marching uniform, you put it on with the same reverence as always, the comfort of knowing you are part of a larger group. One that is sharing the burden of this trauma. 330+ shoulders to cry on.

You make your way, linked in arms and hands with your friends as you head to the service. Extra security, the President of the United States is joining to make a statement. If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t care that he is here. What a load of good it is after the fact.

Groups of students in shared apparel holding each other, chants of school cheers ringing out in solidarity. You get swept up in the fervor. It’s never felt this intense, and you’ve been on the football field when it really counts.

Nikki Giovanni reads a poem and it strikes every one of your hearts with passion. The entire gymnasium silent, save for sniffling and crying.

We are Virginia Tech. We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning. We are Virginia Tech. We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again. We are Virginia Tech. We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy. We are Virginia Tech. The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness. We are the Hokies. We will prevail. We will prevail. We will prevail. We are Virginia Tech.

And then, all at once. She finishes and an eruption of gratitude. Shouts, and cheers. In that moment, we start to heal.

LET'S GO HOKIES *clap clap clapclapclap*

Eventually you leave and depart back to your dorms. You need to tidy up and pack, your parents will be here soon. One of your friends joins you in your room for company. It’s comforting to not be alone.

Your parents give you the tightest embrace you’ve ever felt. And they whisk you home. You’ve sent off emails to concerned former teachers and others, setting up time to meet with them over the coming week.

But otherwise you just want to sit at home and sleep in your childhood bed.

The rest of the week passes by. You visit your high school to chat with some of your old teachers and you’re reminded why they were your favorite educators. They care, they listened, they gave you space.

During the week while classes were canceled, you begin to receive updates on how the rest of the semester will play out. Ultimately you are able to take a step back from your studies and attend lectures as you feel you can handle. It’s a nice gesture. You won’t come out of this semester with the best grades, but you won’t have to worry about failing because you’re too distracted.

Returning to school is surreal. There’s a bustle and buzz of activity - with 25,000 students there always is a constant hum of people. Last week excluded. But there’s a tingle at the back of your neck. Your brain jolting into alert as soon as your parents turn onto campus. Would this happen again? Could this happen again? All of your friends stick together as the semester plays out. You spend time with them next to the volleyball courts (you’re far too clumsy to get any enjoyment out of playing), playing video games in the dorms, and just avoiding the hard stuff. You can make it this last month, one day at a time. Besides, you have plans this summer! You’re taking a road trip to Canada, leaving the country for the first time ever!

Summer, everyone departs to seek the comfort of their families and bury themselves in summer jobs and internships. And maybe that’s a good time to seek professional help? You’d rather just spend time with your fiancée, particularly in his bed and at night. That trip to Canada was refreshing and just what you needed to get your head out of the dark and stormy clouds.

Ah but your mother wants you to come home at night. So that’s how you end up in therapy, for a suspected PTSD diagnosis manifesting in your desire, as an 18 year old who is 4.5 years into dating her boyfriend/fiancée, to spend alone time in bed together. You play along because you are a people pleaser, but you do make your opinions known to the therapist. She invites your parents into your third session where you have a charged discussion. And the ultimate guidance the therapist suggests? That you are not acting out, or in an unusual manner. You sigh in relief, immediately making plans for that night.

When you returned to school in the fall, a class of victims had graduated and freshman joined a shell-shocked and scared community. One that is healing by holding on to each other, by remembering those lost. And ready to embrace the hope of the new class.

But you are forever changed. You and your Marching Virginians. You return and pass your auditions and receive a new piece of music, “Amazing Grace.” Arranged specifically for the ensemble, specifically for April 16, 2007. In the peak of the song lives a set of chords to represent the 32 lives lost. The dissonance is uncomfortable, painful, harsh. The first time you played it, you cried. We all did. But the resolution, it is warm, it is the breath after holding it in. The deep inhale you take when the tears start to fall and you let your emotions out. It is a hard piece of music, but it is a necessary piece of music.

The band took it to several dedications and remembrance events that year. They played it less and less as the years went on. It’s a special piece, reserved for those moments taken to hold space for that day. But every time, the audience gives reverence and somehow make it to the end with a stiff upper lip. After exiting the performance space, there is comfort for those who are caught in emotions.

The semesters come and they go. It gets easier, but you aren’t the same person anymore. You keep telling yourself you have it handled, the therapist at home said you don’t have PTSD. So then why are you triggered with an uncomfortable regularity? You need to get into therapy.

Oh, good for you, finally scheduling an appointment to see the school therapist. Ah, but it takes three triage visits before you can start to talk to him about anything. Momentum, farewell. You don’t open up about what is swarming in your brain. The bad thoughts, the scary ones, the tragic ones. You’re sure it’ll work itself out eventually. You famously have a bad memory, so surely you’ll just forget the worst of it?

Four years at Virginia Tech completed. But do you have a degree now? Ha, funny. You never managed to pull together enough credits to graduate so you get the participation trophy of random class credits you can take home with you and apply to some other school and attempt to get that piece of paper you came here to achieve.

Four more years later you finally have a degree. Even better, it’s one you’re proud of. Time to put college behind you and start the next step of life. Get out of the East Coast and leave it all behind. Fresh start in California, you can finally get married and live with your fiancée.

Another April comes and goes. And like every year, you run away for the day to escape your demons. It works less and less each year. At least the alcohol dulls the cries.

And 17 years later, you’re still carrying that weight. You dread April. You can’t listen to any version of Amazing Grace without falling apart. You can’t watch any scenes in a movie or video game with a candlelight vigil or similar scene. You dread the days you have to explain this to your daughter and why you are terrified of how she may want to attend school in the US.

And 17 years later, you can’t stop telling people this tragic story and shrugging it off like it wasn’t the single most defining moment of your entire fucking life and you were only 18.

It’s fucked up. And nothing has fucking changed.

#jen の diary #virginia tech #4/16/2007 #school shooting #gun violence #fuck guns

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susanburch · 7 months ago

Text

4/20/24

wind

whipping the snow

off nearby peaks

no one

would be coming

to rescue me

A remixed poem from:

Maas, Sarah J. A Court of Mist and Fury, Bloomsbury Publishing, 2020. P. 53, 50.

#foundpoetry #poetry #thepoeming #short poetry #short poem #poem #sedoka #sarah j maas

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thesugarclubs-blog · 2 years ago

Text

Drawn To You - AU Steve Rogers x OC

warnings: strangers to lovers, art shop owner Steve, pure fluffy holiday winter vibes

word count: 6.9k

WP: https://www.wattpad.com/1296614293-drawn-to-you-noelle

Masterlist

Hurrying down a crowded Brooklyn sidewalk, Noelle checked her phone. 7:50, the time read. She huffed and continued her trek, trying her best to balance bags and a coffee while she continued her holiday shopping. The last stop on her mental checklist closed at 8 and if she didn't stop in now, Noelle was worried she never would.

Flakes of snow melted onto Noelle's cheeks as she approached an old brick apartment building with large windows on its first floor, glowing lights warming the store within. She looked up at the familiar storefront, one that she passed every day while she was on her way to work. This time of year is usually about giving to others, but Noelle thought with the last bit of her hard earned paycheck, it couldn't hurt to do a little something for herself too.

The wooden door was heavy, creaking loudly as she had to use much of her small frame to push it open. The words "Rogers and Son's Art Supply" shone in the lights, the swirling bronze script proudly declaring the name of the owner. Noelle was sad to say she had lived in Brooklyn her entire life and never ventured a trip inside. A little bell above the door rang, announcing her presence to a bored-looking guy working behind the counter. His dark head popped up from his hand as he flipped through a book, icy blue eyes almost rolling back as he checked his watch.

"Good evening," he said with a little more sarcasm than she expected as she stood in the entranceway. "Welcome to Rogers. Lemme know if you need anything."

“Thank you,” was all Noelle could say as she slowly entered the cute art store.

She was overwhelmed by the many art supplies and the beautiful creations hanging on the wall. She didn’t know where to start; she usually wasn’t the creative kind but around the holidays, life in her little one-room apartment could get lonely, so she decided to start a new hobby for herself.

As she went through the tiny aisle, her eyes stopped on a painting of a decaying snowflake.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” the man behind the counter said and she turned her head to look at him, but before she could say anything, he continued, “It’s inspired by the poem Winter by Walter de la Mare.”

“But the North sighed low, Snow, snow, more snow! That’s my favorite poem,” Noelle smiled softly at the worker.

“Mine too, that’s why I painted it.” A new voice echoed through the empty shop as he stepped in from the back room.

Noelle turned around and was met with another pair of dazzling blue eyes. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a warm smile. Noelle's knees knocked together and she let out a soft exhale as the stranger's smile got bigger.

"Y-- you painted this?"

"He painted it, but it was my idea," his dark-haired co-worker called as he opened a box with an X-ACTO knife.

The blonde man rolled his eyes.

"I have to apologize for Bucky, he's our resident asshole."

"Language, Steven!" Bucky called as Noelle burst into laughter. "You can't talk like that in front of customers!"

"I can when I'm making fun of you!" Steven called. He turned back to Noelle with a flirtatious smirk. "It's actually Steve."

"Noelle," she whispered as she stuck out her hand. Steve grasped it gently and shook it. He had a strong grip, but not too overwhelming. She blushed harder and her eyes flitted toward Bucky, who was trying to hold back a smile.

"Pleasure to meet you, Noelle," Steve replied. "That's a beautiful name."

Sucking in a deep breath, Noelle returned her eyes to the painting in front of her. She didn't know how to answer that question. It was rare that she ever did something for herself, but picking up a new hobby seemed like the right place to start the new year ahead. It was the perfect time to jump two feet into the deep end of something she's never done before.

"I don't know, to be honest" She let out a breathy chuckle. "I think I want to start painting or sketching or something, but I don't know where to start"

"Well lucky for you, I can help with that" Steve smiled broadly.

Something was calming about his presence that made Noelle feel as though she could trust him. Sure it was just art supplies, but there was just something about his smile and the way he moved about the shop that convinced her he actually cared about what he was talking about.

"First things first, What's your experience level?" Steve asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

She felt her cheeks burn at the question, "Uh, well, I've never really done any real art. Not since grade school," she admitted, feeling embarrassed.

Steve nodded, his face thoughtful, "Alright, alright - were you wanting to paint? Draw?"

Noelle hesitated, she hadn't thought about what she wanted to do before she stepped into the shop, and now she felt flustered in the face of this charming, and handsome man.

"Uh... What do you recommend for a beginner?"

Steve pressed a hand to her upper arm, his fingers curling against her jacket to pull her gently down the row of art supplies. She followed him, carefully so her boots didn't slip against the flooring only to stop as he knelt down on a bottom shelf.

"We put these together around Christmas," He pulled out a small crate of supplies, rambling on as he pushed things around to show her, "mostly for parents that have no idea what to buy their teenagers but I think you'll find what you're looking for in me...here. Looking for in here," he looked up at her through thick lashes with his endless ocean eyes and his voice trailed off. His rosy lips parted slightly like he wanted to say more but the words had gotten stuck.

She suddenly felt very warm and very self-conscious about herself, Noelle tugged at the sleeve around her wrist.

Steve cleared his throat and stood, hovering over her small frame with the box held against his stomach, "let me show you," he scratched his beard with his fingers nervously before sliding himself past her in the direction of the front counter.

Noelle followed closely behind him and took several deep breaths to try and calm down her nerves. He walked around the counter and placed the box on the counter and began to take some of the supplies out.

“These pencils here are really good for beginners who are wanting to do some sketches. The numbers and letters here on the side indicate the hardness or softness of the lead. This box has a good mix of them.” Steve said pointing to the box with a soft smile. Noelle stepped forward towards the counter to look at the supplies he has laid out on it.

“And what kind of paper should I get? Sorry if that’s a silly question” She asked nervously.

“Well.. that would depend on the type of drawing you’re planning on doing. For example, will you be just sketching or wanting to do some watercolor painting after, because those would be different kinds of paper.” Steve replied. Noelle looked at him with a confused and nervous look

on her face. She really had no clue what her plan was for her little art project.

She breathed out a small laugh, shaking her head as she grasped the package of pencils her fingers gently grazing his. A swarm of butterflies erupted in her stomach, her hand once again lingering just a little too long before taking it away from the warmth of his own.

"I think I'm already in over my head," Noelle admitted, ignoring the way his eyes felt like tiny bursts of fireworks as they trailed along her features.

Finally, he smiled, ignoring the soft snicker once again coming from behind them as Bucky began stocking the shelves, "tell you what, we'll start you with a basic sketchbook and if you decide to move further into watercolor or oil-based pencils, we can re-evaluate your paper situation then." He offered a chuckle leaving his lips as he rounded the counter again.

Noelle nodded, "there are oil-based pencils?" She asked, feeling even more dimwitted than the second she walked into the door. But instead of making her feel dumb, he just smiled again.

"We'll work you up to those."

She hummed in acknowledgment as she looked around the small shop, shelves packed high from floor to ceiling with anything and everything art-related you could think of. Certain parts of the store were newer, with pristine shelves and plastic-wrapped paints and brushes. But others were definitely much older, resembling more of a high school art closet than a store for shopping. Noelle wanted to know more, about art, about the cute little store, and now definitely more about the tall, broad blonde in front of her.

She opened her mouth to get his attention, but the tinkling of the bell above the door beat her to it. His head turned towards the front as Bucky appeared breathless from around the corner.

"Hey, Steve, hate to break this up, but Mrs. Carter is here and you know old ladies creep me out," Bucky whispered frantically, and Noelle bit back a giggle at his wide-eyed expression.

Steve looked at her apologetically before stepping past them both. His fingers skimmed her elbow as he went by and even through the heavy fabric of her coat, she knew his touch would be warm.

"Don't go anywhere, okay?" Steve murmured and she nodded, earning a squeeze to her arm that made her heart race.

Her eyes were fixed on the muscles in his back as he walked quickly to the front of the shop and Noelle briefly wondered if it were possible to just bite through her bottom lip entirely.

She watched Steve talking to the old lady, as she felt someone getting closer to her left.

“She creeps me out.” She looked at Bucky, who crossed his arms in front of his chest as he looked toward Steve and Mrs. Carter.

“Why?” She asked him.

Mrs. Carter seemed like a nice old grandma, she thought, even though her smile looked like she bit into something sour and her eyes made Noelle shiver, but...yeah, okay. Bucky was right. This woman was creepy.

Bucky looked at Noelle as if it was obvious why he thought that she was a creep.

“I just don’t like her. Tries to charm me up with her dry homemade pecan cookies and almost kills me with them. Put cinnamon in there even though she knows very well I’m allergic to cinnamon. All because she wants to get rid of me to have Steve for herself. Stupid little-“

“Oh look. These pencils are also available in pink.” Noelle tried to stop Bucky before he could say something else.

As Bucky glanced to the shelf Noelle was pointing at, Steve hollered from his place by the door, “Hey Buck, do you think you could help Mrs. Carter grab new paints for her niece, Sharon?”

Bucky went to protest, but seeing the look on his friend’s face he realized why Steve wanted to pawn Mrs. Carter off onto him.

“Sure pal,” Bucky said as he shoved off the counter.

Noelle continued to look interested in the line of pink pencils until Steve had come back to the counter.

“Sorry about that. Now, where were we?” Steve smiled at her as the sound of Bucky and Mrs. Carter’s conversation grew fainter as they moved deeper into the store.

“You were about to show me sketchbooks,” Noelle returned his smile, “and I really do appreciate your help.”

“It’s my pleasure, believe me,” Steve replied and Noelle didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked downwards appraisingly before lifting back to her face.

“Try this one,” he said reaching underneath the counter and producing a black hard-back book. “It’s good quality but not so expensive that you’ll be afraid to make a start. The paper’s got a great texture too, see?”

He flipped open the book and reached out for Noelle’s hand, running her fingers over the page.

"Umm Ye- Yeah," Noelle stammered through her response to him, the way his eyes sparkled underneath his long lashes was mesmerizing. Distracting and captivating her.

He gave her a gentle smile as she felt his hand slip from hers as he walked them to a table while she tried to quell the feeling of disappointment that started to build in her chest when their hands separated.

"Come on, sit." He told as he pulled a chair for her to sit on, placing himself behind the chair as he pushed it in closer to the table for her and leaned over her slightly. The scent of his cologne and his close proximity to her was a dizzying combination, she almost missed his next words.

"I'll show you how easy it is to start." He breathed next to her, making butterflies erupt in her belly at how soft spoken and gentle he was. She nodded.

Steve reached ahead of her, flipping the book open to the first page, and picked up the pencil.

"You want me to show you, or can you follow my directions?" He asked, his voice seeming to drop an octave as he turned to her.

Noelle's voice caught in her throat. He was so close, his breath warm on her cheek.

"Can you show-" She started to say, just as Bucky popped up behind them.

"Mrs. Carter is done - you want me to lock up - uh..." He trailed off as Steve turned away from her.

"You know what - I'll handle closing up on my own tonight. You're clearly busy."

The sound of Bucky closing the shop was muted in the background as Steve, wrapped his hand around hers and slowly guided the pencil along the page. The lights dimmed above them and the shop seemed to hum in the silence between them.

"Why the sudden interest in art?" His voice was warm against the quiet as he asked her, his breath hot against her neck as the carefully showed her how to buff out the line.

Noelle chewed on her lip, trying to focus on anything but how her hand felt cupped in his, "I guess I just feel uninspired. Life sucks, and winter makes me so sad."

"Maybe you just aren't looking hard enough," He looked over at her, surprised by their proximity, and smiled softly. "Christmas lights, sledding in the park, family..." he trailed off.

She pressed her boots to the floor to keep from fidgeting under his gaze, "you have to find the beauty in it. Look past the grey tones and find the warmth," he let go of the pencil and her hand, letting her guide it herself. "Look, all by yourself," he cooed as she curved another line into the paper and the warmth he spoke of suddenly blossomed in her chest. "There has to be something about winter you love," he said.

She thought about it, rolling her tongue against the inside of her mouth. She looked up at him, their noses almost touching and his eyes illuminated by the dim lights above their heads, "the snow. But only the fluffy stuff, before the cars turn it to dirt."

Steve hummed at her response. “When it is light and fluffy and the only marks are the ones you are making.” He replied

“Yeah exactly, I find it peaceful and quiet” she replied.

“Well, I think you might have just found your inspiration” Steve replied with a kind and warm smile.

Noelle looked up at him, his eyes glinting under the warm lights bringing out the flecks of amber and gold woven through the ocean blue. A blush started to creep up her neck as she shifted in the seat slightly, her bottom lip finding a home between her teeth.

He was gorgeous and kind and every ounce of him oozed what she guessed home would feel like. It didn't help that the spiciness of his cologne was now going to be a permanent memory.

Realizing that she'd been staring way too long, she cleared her throat, glancing down at the uneven lines on the page, "What--uh, what do you find inspiration in this time of year?" She smiled, "What keeps Steve happy in the winter?"

Steve laughed softly, hand coming up to guide Noelle’s into a gentle arch, then crossing over into a new line. “Oh, the usual, friends and family, the shared love everyone seems to have, and of course, when a beautiful woman comes into the store looking to start her journey into art.”

Noelle flushed a deep red, heart beating faster as her hand shook beneath his, lines wavering on the page.

“That happen often?” she asked, unable to help to show a slight insecurity.

Steve clicked his teeth, shaking his head as he fixed her with a teasing look.

"Sadly, no, " Steve said. "Usually the cutest thing in here is Bucky so you are a huge improvement."

Noelle laughed loudly, an eye crinkling laugh that earned her a blinding smile from Steve. He kept watching her as she took a deep breath, composing her face. Her face started to burn as she realized he was still staring at her with a softness that she can't remember getting from anyone before.

"What?" Noelle asked with a smaller giggle, looking back down at the dark smudges on the paper from her hand.

"Nothin'. You have a nice laugh," Steve replied bashfully, a hint of Brooklyn accent slipping through as a dusty blush covered his cheeks. Noelle was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to make him blush further. God, he was gorgeous.

“Thank you…I think I…” Noelle paused, thinking about telling him what she felt, that she could get lost in his ocean eyes; how beautiful his smile was. But something held her back. She played with the hem of her sweater and pressed her lips into a thin line as Steve waited for her to continue.

“What?” Steve asked softly, looking up into her eyes and brushing his hand over hers, calming her nerves.

Why was she nervous all of a sudden? It’s not like she had never spoken to an attractive man before. But the way Steve was touching her, how warm his hand on hers felt, made her melt.

“It’s- it’s stupid,” she laughed.

“I bet it’s not. Tell me,” his voice was calm and soft, making her all warm inside.

Noelle continued to play with her sweater as she spoke, “It’s just… It’s been a long time since someone has said anything like that to me. I moved here to get away from a toxic relationship and I just haven’t had anyone as nice and attentive as you have been today. I just don’t know why you would act that way toward me.”

Steve shifted in his seat to look at Noelle. Grabbing her chin gently, he lifted her head till their eyes met. He smiled and she felt herself beginning to melt, her cheeks heating up and her palms clammy.

"Well, I like to think I can read people pretty well, and you seem kind and sweet, and you put up with my idiot friend." They both laughed and Steve drew in a breath. "And you've been glowing since the second you walked in here." He leaned in close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face and Noelle bit down on her bottom lip. He chuckled softly. "And you look really pretty when you do that."

"Do what?" She asked.

"Bite your lip." He swallowed. "Makes me think about... never mind."

Her hand drifted upward, fingers wrapping around his wrist. She could feel the hair tie he kept around it. Despite barely knowing this man, she wanted to hear every single thought in his head.

"Finish the sentence."

His eyes searched hers, bright and shining. Her face was so hot that she thought she might faint for a second.

"Can I kiss you, angel?"

"Yes."

Steve leaned in, softly pressing his lips against hers. Noelle melted into him and his hand slid up to cup her cheek. She could feel his thumb gliding along her cheekbone and whimpered at the softness of his touch.

Sparks were flying behind her eyelids, the kiss was the best thing that ever happened to her since she moved to New York. There were no words enough to describe the softness of his lips on top of hers, how perfectly their lips fit each other, and how his hand was holding her face so gently.

He pulled back hesitantly from her, lips slowly leaving hers while she resisted the urge to chase after them.

"Uhh... I'm sorry if that was too forward-"

"No!" She interrupted him, lowering her voice after startling both herself and him, adding softly "No. It was.. it was perfect."

Noelle buried her fingers into the beard on his jaw and smiled up at him, "You know," she licked her lip just trying to hold on to how he tasted, "I came here in to spend the last fifty dollars in my bank account on something that would spark a feeling."

Steve's chest shook as a soft, warm laugh cascaded from him as he wrapped a finger through her belt loop to hold her close to him, "And?"

"Now, I think I got more than I bargained for," she laughed.

"Look," he spun her in his arms, and the art shop spun with her until her back pressed against his chest so she could see the front window. The sun was gone from the sky but the street lights illuminate the thick, fluffy snowflakes that blanketed Brooklyn, "fresh snow, what do you say we find your muse?"

"I'd say how fast can you get your coat on?" She laughed, feeling him loosen his hold on her. She closed her eyes and touched her fingers to her lips, holding on to the memory of their kiss. She turned, slowly coming back to earth, and searched the empty store for him but he was gone by the time she store herself from the snowfall.

"Steve?" Her voice fluttered through the aisles as she stood, brows furrowed searching for him and already missing his warmth.

"One second!" She heard his voice carry through the canvases and shelves. After another few seconds of silence and Bucky huffing behind the counter, Steve came around the corner, his cheeks red and out of breath.

Noelle laughed, "you run a marathon back there?"

A smirk cracked over his features and his eyes crinkled as he stepped towards her, "only to get back to you." He murmured, leaning into her before taking her hand and leading her toward the door.

They stepped out into the cold air, making fresh tracks in the freshly fallen snow. Noelle breathed in deeply, inhaling the crisp clean scent before breathing out a cloud of air. Smiling, she turned to Steve, finding him already staring at her with a soft smile on his face. He held his hand out to her silently, almost shyly, and she took it carefully, hand feeling small in his large, warm grip.

After walking quietly for a few moments, appreciating the beauty before them, Noelle started to shiver. She tried to hide it but Steve pulled them to a stop outside a coffee shop.

“Wanna pop in here and warm up for a bit?” he asked, and Noelle nodded quickly, nose and cheeks pink with the cold.

The heat of the cozy cafe was worth nearly freezing to death on the short walk down. Steve held Noelle's hand as he ordered them both. She barely heard him ask her what she wanted, spitting out a robotic answer as she gazed up at his impossibly blue eyes with a silly smile on her face.

"You still with me, sugar?" He leaned down to murmur in her ear while she watched the perky barista whip up their coffees.

"You couldn't get rid of me now if you tried," she replied with a smirk, gripping his arm tighter as he laughed, throwing his head back.

“Two hot chocolates for Steve,” the barista said in a voice as smooth as honey. Noelle couldn’t tell if she was trying to act seductively or if that was just her personality, but either way, it made Noelle feel self-conscious.

She looked at the floor, letting Steve’s hand go, and moved to a table by the window.

“Good job picking a table. We can still watch the snow fall and keep exploring your muse.” Steve said as he sat down, not aware of the invasive thoughts running through Noelle’s mind.

Noelle muttered a thank you as she took a drink, looking out the window.

“You okay, Noelle?” Steve’s voice was soft and concerned.

"Yeah." She forced a smile. "I'm good."

He leaned over and tried to catch her eye, smiling at her.

"Are you sure?"

She bit her lip and then instantly remembered what it made him want to do back at the shop. It made her nervous. It had been a long time since she'd had someone take the time to get to know her like this and to be as sweet as Steve was. Maybe she didn't deserve it, maybe she wasn't worthy of it. Her eyes misted with tears and she tried to blink them away. Shit.

Steve reached out his hand and covered hers. His skin was warm and soft.

"Whatever it is, Noelle, you don't have to carry it by yourself."

She laughed and looked over at him as she flicked away a tear.

"Who taught you to be so sweet?"

"My ma," he replied. "She also told me to never abandon a pretty girl when she looked sad. We don't have to talk about whatever's going on, we can just sit and watch the snow if you want."

Sucking in a deep breath, Noelle shook her head once and pressed her lips into a thin line. "Well, your mom sounds pretty great" She cleared her throat and took a sip of her hot chocolate.

The conversation was treading into dangerous territory that Noelle didn't want to get into. Not this time. Despite her distaste for the holiday season, she always tried her best for her friends and family to at least try and be cheerful. But Steve was somehow bringing out her real feelings for this time of year. In the short time, she'd known him, there were already things she would tell him in a heartbeat. But her trust in people had gotten her in trouble before, and Noelle knew she had to keep it in check this time.

"She was" He breathed out a laugh. "She's actually the one that convinced me to pursue art... If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be where I am today. And I wouldn't be sitting at my favorite coffee shop with one of the prettiest girls who's ever walked into my shop"

Her insecurities were bubbling up inside her, denying every claim he made about her since she walked into his shop. Her own past experience formed a dark cloud over what could be something wonderful.

Her ex-boyfriend always made her feel less than enough, bringing her down over every little thing and pointing out flaws that she didn't even see before, to the point where now all she saw were those flaws.

"Noelle?" Steve's calm voice pulled her from her toxic thoughts into the present, she felt a tear slip down her cheek before she wiped it off quickly, "are you okay? Did I say something to upset you?" He lowered his eyes trying to catch hers as she hid her face in her hands and took a deep breath.

"No," she murmured as she lifted her eyes to meet his concerned blues, "I'm sorry. I'm - I'm not used to this.." his brows furrowed in confusion, making her take another trembling breath before continuing; "Jake - my ex, he didn't - uhh.. he wasn't the best."

"He clearly didn't look hard enough," Steve smiled, reaching out to brush a rogue tear from her jawline as it threatened to fall to the table. His thumb lingered on her skin, rubbing gently.

"For what?" Noelle leaned into his touch, confused and growing more nervous with every passing moment.

"The stars," Steve smiled, "right there, behind the sadness in those beautiful brown eyes, they twinkle. Just begging to be counted."

She sucked in a breath to hide the sob lodged in her throat, involuntarily leaning into his thumb as if trying to steal his warmth. She couldn't do this. Her eyes slid close almost regretting going into the shop today.

"Noelle," he whispered, bringing her eyes back to his as they opened, his brows softened from the concerned look and the corners of his mouth upturned, "you deserve to have someone make you feel the way you've made me feel today and if you'd let me... I'd love to see you again tomorrow."

She stared back at him for a moment, the butterflies, the warmth, the anxiety pit in her stomach all crashing in on her at once. Noelle shook her head, pulling back from his touch as she stood, "I--I'm really sorry," She stuttered, her voice barely over a whisper, "I can't do this."

Before she could watch the light in his eyes fade and his face fall, she turned fisting her hands into balls at her side to hold her steady as she rushed out onto the street, hearing him call her name after her.

Noelle ignored him, running back down the street, past the shop until she was at her car, tears flooding her eyes as she threw herself in it. She bent her head over the steering wheel and cried, overwhelmed by everything and just needing to let it out, the good and the bad.

When she finally wiped her eyes clear, Noelle drove home, only then remembering she’d left her bag of art supplies on the table next to Steve.

She spent the night going back and forth between wanting to see Steve again and never wanting to speak to another man ever. When she woke up the next day, she had made up her mind to at least go back and get what she’d paid for.

The entire trip back to the art shop Noelle felt like she couldn't take a deep breath, anxiety coursing through her the more she thought about what she was actually doing. The sidewalk was much clearer as she approached, piles of snow pushed up against the sides of the building and the curb of the street. Her breath poured out in thick fog from the cold and she hesitated to pull the door handle open.

What if Steve was angry with her?

What if he told her to get out?

Would he do something like that?

She didn't think he was the kind of guy to treat a girl that way, but she thought Jake was a much better man when she first met him, and look how that turned out.

"You know those only work if you pull, right?"

Bucky's raspy voice from behind her made Noelle nearly shoot into space, her heart hammering as she spun around to face him. His cheeks were red from the cold and he was gripping a snow shovel, bits of ice and slush hanging from the bottom.

"I was...I just-" she stammered, gesturing towards the inside of the shop.

"I know what you're here for and it sure as hell isn't art supplies," Bucky laughed, before growing serious again. "He's in the back, has been all day."

Noelle nodded and sighed deeply before turning back to the door. As she stepped into the warmth inside, Bucky called her name softly. When she looked back, his hands were in his pockets and he looked down at his shoes, pushing pieces of ice around with the tip of his boot.

"Steve is a really good guy and I don't just say that because he pays me way more than I deserve," he huffed out. "But he is also my best friend and I'll tell you in my experience, I haven't seen him look at anyone the way he looked at you. And I've never seen him look as fucking sad as he did last night."

Tears welled up in Noelle's eyes as she swallowed down the lump in her throat.

"He really, really likes you, Noelle," Bucky continued. "I just wanted you to know that."

With a curt nod, Noelle turned back and stepped into the store, leaving Bucky to continue clearing the sidewalk for other customers and pedestrians. She walked tentatively through the familiar shelves before stopping by a doorway at the far corner. A dark blue curtain hung over the opening and she could hear soft music filtering out, music that Noelle had only ever heard at her grandparents. It made her smile and gave her the confidence to open the door, chasing that comforting feeling she knew could only come from one man.

Noelle stepped into the backroom to find one wall lined with boxes of new orders, a kitchenette with a teapot sitting on the stovetop, and a console record player that was sending Bing Crosby's White Christmas into the space. Noelle's eyes shifted to the small table tucked in the back corner. There sat Steve with his back to the doorway, dressed in a green cable knit sweater, bent over a sketchbook scribbling away.

Noelle shifted her weight causing the floorboards to creak, and Steve turned to see what caused the noise. His movement gave her a glance at his project. A portrait of a young woman with long, brown hair with snowflakes starting to stick it.

"Hi," she breathed.

"Hey." His eyes were rimmed red and he had soft pink splotches beneath them that made them a little bluer. His chest looked hollowed out, shoulders slumped, like someone had carved out his heart. She did that. "You came back."

Her heart leaped into her throat and she felt it twist in her chest as guilt consumed her like a wave. She shouldn't have run out last night. She barely slept thinking about how hurt he looked.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I, uh..."

"Noelle, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. I wasn't--"

"No," she replied, holding out her hand. "I was-- I've just... got a lot of, uh..." She laughed as Steve watched her with caution, as though he was terrified to hear the next words that came out of her mouth.

His body leaned away and he held up the sketchbook like a shield, trying to make it look like he was pulling it toward his body. The small gesture made her want to cry and she could feel her chin trembling before the sting of more tears came.

She sighed.

"Steve, I'm just really sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I've got all of this baggage and I didn't give you a fair chance. You're a great guy, and you're funny and sweet, and... I just came to apologize. You don't have to accept it or even like me, but--"

He stood up and walked toward her with heavy steps. She resisted the urge to back away as she looked up at him. Steve held out the sketchbook and let her really see the drawing, the beautiful details, the softness of her features. She sniffled, the tears making her vision blurry.

"What's this?"

"I just want you to see what I see when I look at you," he whispered.

The breath caught in Noelle's throat as her eyes traced the features of the drawing. It was more beautiful than any other drawing she'd seen in the shop. His attention to detail, and the way he captured a certain sparkle in her eye that she hadn't seen before. It looked just like her, but she'd never seen herself look like that before. Steve had captured a side of her that Noelle was sure she'd hidden away forever.

"It's beautiful, Steve..." She whispered, and sniffed, a wave of his cologne washing over her scenes and bringing back that sense of comfort she had felt the night before.

"You're beautiful, Noelle" Steve stated, dropping the sketchbook and bringing up his free hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear before tucking two fingers under her chin and bringing her gaze up to meet his. "You don't have to apologize to me for leaving last night, it's okay. I would never want you to feel like I was forcing you into something"

A small smile broke onto her lips, as her eyes traced over Steve's. "You're not forcing anything... I came here because I needed to see you again and explain and... Ask if we could maybe try again" She asked, placing her hand softly onto his chest, curling her fingers into the knit fabric.

"Miss Noelle, are you asking me out on a date?" Steve smirked.

Shyly, Noelle bit her lip as she felt heat creep up her cheeks from the way he looked at her, his eyes clear as the summer sky as they ran over her face in a way that she almost felt like a caress. His low voice woke the butterflies in her belly and she forgot how to breathe for a moment.

She nodded hesitantly, "Yes... If you're willing to give me a chance."

He held her gaze as he leaned down, his face slowly coming closer until his eyes were all that Noelle could see. His warmth enveloped her, and her hand tightened on his soft sweater.

"It would be my greatest pleasure, Noelle," his soft response was almost spoken like a secret, quietly between their lips that were a few inches apart. "I'm glad you're giving me a chance." He finished.

"I should be the one saying that," she whispered, "I was so scared to come back here, but I knew I had to."

Steve's warm smile spread across perfect lips as his forehead rested against her own, "I'm really happy that you did," he replied, his hands gently cupping her face as his thumb ran along her cheekbone before tracing over her bottom lip.

Her heart thundered in her chest, beating against her ribcage as he studied her their lips barely touching and the heat from his breath sending a wave of goosebumps down her spine.

"Steve," she whispered again as his tongue darted out, wetting his lips and briefly tapping hers.

The corner of his mouth upturned as she became putty in his hands and he finally leaned in, the anticipation almost too much as he kissed her. Slowly at first and so sweet, her teeth ached.

Her fingers tangled into the fabric of his sweater to pull him closer to herself. Even if their date failed, she never wanted to forget the way he tasted. But something deep inside of her made her feel like that wasn't going to be the case and she'd get to revel in the way he tasted like coffee and almonds with a hint of chocolate.

A whimper escaped from between the two of them, both getting carried away and sucked into each other. Steve finally pulled back, his lips bitten pink and puffy, hers undoubtedly looking the same and suddenly missing the feel of his beard against her skin.

"Can I take you out tonight?" he asked through breaths, "we'll eat overpriced Italian, all the garlic bread and wine we want." A gorgeous smile spread over his features making her laugh.

"That sounds...amazing." Noelle breathed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her the way no one has held her in a long time. Tears threatened the corners of her eyes once more, but she fought them back.

A grunt sounded from behind the curtain followed by a crash as both their heads followed the sound.

"I'm really sorry to interrupt whatever is happening back there," Bucky's voice boomed through the shop, "But I could really use some help out here lover boy!"

Noelle erupted into giggles feeling Steve take a deep breath and close his eyes, "I love my friend, I love my friend, I love my friend." He chanted before glancing down at her, "I'm sorry sweetness, rain check on this?"

"Pick me up at 7 and we'll call it even." She grinned, making him laugh. The sound flowed around her and it was then that she realized she wanted to hear that sound for all of the days to come.

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finishinglinepress · 8 months ago

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POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: Quiet: The Collected Poems By Sauci S. Churchill (1940-2011)

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Sauci Churchill’s Quiet . . . Collected Poems brings us into a compelling voice that is distinctive in its presence, whether joyous, sad, tender, comic, reflective, or fearful. Whatever the subject, the #poems are like lyric conversations, be they memories of growing up on #Chicago’s streets in the 1940s and 50s; of the world about her — bats, for instance, “lie in dark places / our pulse pounds in fright // Help us to love them”; of religious belief — “I never had religion but/ revered the fine grain of wood / polished it with my soft rag to shine”; of travel,“ in “My First Time in Paris”: “Pont Neuf, hidden in shadows is wrapped. / Domes emerge and the city begins to dazzle;” and then of pain, which Sauci had much of and wrote about in the most evocative of ways: “Washed in the moon’s brightness / pain, like the night sky, is vast.” And, the #poetry she wrote when she was dying stands by itself, particularly her last words, from which the title of the collection comes, prompted by a trapped sparrow in her porch: ” Quiet…. /That frightened sparrow/ could have been my heart.” The understated elegance of all these embracive poems is a welcoming invitation to share in their intimacy.

Sauci S. Churchill graduated from the University of Wisconsin in Madison, and took graduate work at the University of California at Berkeley. After teaching and working as a law librarian for more than three decades in a windowless inner core of a government building, she retired to work at Hillwood Museum and Gardens, where she asked only to be put into the light. She lived with her husband, Bruce Butterworth, and the third of their shelter dogs, Cloud. In November of 2010, she was diagnosed with ALS, and died of the disease seven months later on June 3, 2011. She was cared for every moment until the end by her husband Bruce Butterworth. Her daughter, Devorah Churchill from a previous marriage, mourned her death then, and now, as do so many of her friends whom she helped so much with her life, and her works. This book, which begins with the works written between her diagnosis of ALS and her death, is published so that those poems will not be forgotten: Her husband says: “she faced death realistically, with unforgettable courage. She always chose her own way, and did until the end. I will always remember her.”

This book was made possible, in part, by donations to the FLP’s ONE LAST WORD Program. ONE LAST WORD helps to bring the last works of gifted poets to the world. We are honored to be publishing her last work.If you are interested in donating to the ONE LAST WORD PROGRAM, you can do so here: https://finishinglinepress.submittable.com/

PRAISE FOR Quiet: The Collected Poems By Sauci S. Churchill (1940-2011)

This elegant, intelligent, and deeply moving collection of poems is aptly named. Sauci Churchill’s lyricism is indeed, quiet, and all the more powerful for it. She finds miracles in the smallest things — a tiny harmonica, a white lace collar, even the blink of an eye — and builds exquisite shrines of poetry round them. That hush in her voice reminds us that everything, seen properly, is part of a sacred whole. What a blessing this book is.

–Rose Solari, author of The Last Girl (poetry) and A Secret Woman (a novel)

It is good to have Sauci Churchill’s early work and later poems brought together here. Her poems have long been marked by a unique combination of delicacy and toughness, reticence and candor. The poems she wrote between her diagnosis with ALS and her death in 2011 add moments of angry humor and astonishing beauty. “I lay down/in the whitest of snow,” she writes. “later that evening/ a small red fox/ sniffs my face/ and moves on.”

–Jean Nordhaus, author of Innocence, Memos from the Broken World, and The Music of Bein.

Sauci Churchill’s poems are quiet marvels — this is not hyperbole. Her seemingly simple diction and concreteness of line, whether writing of childhood memories in Chicago (Running Down Division Street) or traveling in Jamaica and Croatia, or in meditations on sorrow and pain — which “like the night sky, is vast / Twinkling, it seems to come and go / but is steadfast like the north Star” — or in comic self-deprecation, the poems from one to the next have a luminesce about them: “Who’s to say on a shining summer evening/ with my planet or star ascending / and my clothes strewn about / that I cannot dance/in the privacy of /the moon’s light / just as I am / as I am.” The poems of Quiet have a singular voice — you cannot help lingering amidst their warm companionability.

–Merrill Leffler, author of the poetry collection, Mark the Music

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everythingsinred · 1 year ago

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Hi hii!! I hope you're having a nice day 💜💜

Ok I'm gonna be really mean with the 50 questions ask-

Whichever ones you want, with Ruka, Natsume, or Mikan

(i find it mean bc i am tragically indecisive)

i am doing great!

(i think that u sent this again, adding mikan... so i'll answer this one instead of the other one, if that's okay)

ur ask is so tempting so i will do as many as i can for all three, thank u <3

Ruka-pyon <3

1. Canon I outright reject? he would NEVER leave natsume not EVER. i know tsubasa had to basically drag him out of there but i hate that he left i HATE it

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? i don't think he would ever date mikan after natsume's hypothetical death. i don't think either of them would be able to.

3. Obscure headcanon? his favorite disney movie is fox and the hound.

4. Favorite line? "Meeting you, and coming with you here to the Academy... I never even once regretted it." (chapter 146)

5. Best personality trait? his loyalty. he's very sweet and i love that, but his loyalty is what moves mountains, what fights wars, what transcends the rules of time and space.

6. Worst personality trait? i must have mentioned this at some point but he's perfect. but really i think he shouldn't feel like such a burden when he brings so much to the table.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? i don't need a headcanon when i have character profiles! 140 cm/4'6 and 35 kg/77 lbs at his debut, 173 cm/5'8 and 66 kg/145 lbs in the last chapter. also i believe he's the youngest of the main four? he turns 11 in march, after natsume, mikan, and hotaru have all had their 11th birthdays.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i've already said i only like his relationship with mikan platonically, so i'll say something else.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? "bird meets tori!" where we see him using his alice with piyo. though it's been so long since i first met him that i really can't remember ever NOT loving him.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? my favorite ruka moment is when he's waiting for natsume in the backseat of the car to go to the academy with him. makes me cry every single time.

12. Crack headcanon? i like thinking of him growing little flowers on his windowsill in his dorm and that he very much likes baking... again "crack" i use loosely.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? this...?? maybe? i dont think he does many dumb things...

14. Most heroic moment? i just think there's so much strength in ruka's actions in the new year's arc, even if he feels like such a burden the whole time. though i also think this one is very brave.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? very tough to say because he's a well-meaning child! i don't like to be negative abt the kids. that being said, this might be natsume AND ruka's worst moment lol. ruka was complicit in that.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? zoe and i do have a ruka playlist, but it's private right now because it's unpolished. that being said, here are some songs from the playlist.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? his self-esteem issues, namely his feelings of being a burden and his apparent social anxiety that stems from a lonely, isolated childhood.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? lemonade!

22. Best physical feature? his pretty blue eyes! he's so beautiful!

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? YOU ASKED THE RIGHT PERSON. i imagine he would be a lovely, simple floral scent, as well as something a little sweet and refined.

24. Most annoying habit? he's done nothing annoying??? tho for real i think people might get annoyed by his natsume-apologism (especially in story lol)

27. Their guilty pleasure? i think he'd probably like musicals but get very embarrassed abt it. tho i might just be projecting winston bishop on him based off his one musical performance as snow white that he obviously didnt even want to do.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? VERY aesthetic, sweet, with lots of photography, poetry quotes, and pictures of animals.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? when he finally lets himself poke fun at natsume and mikan! they make him laugh a lot, when he puts his walls down <3

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? when he thinks too hard about his family, because of how much he misses them.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with his friends and snuggling with an animal... i think he'd be content with simple pleasures.

36. Their favorite season? i associate him with spring! with flowers and baby animals and gentle weather. i think he'd like it too, for lots of the same reasons.

37. What they really think about themselves? he thinks of himself as a burden, obstacle, impediment, that he holds the one person he loves most back when all he wants is to help. as a result, he withdraws and hides himself away bc he doesn't think he's capable of contributing much anyway.

38. Favorite holiday? maybe easter? i'm not familiar with japanese holidays so i cant say for sure but the easter aesthetic suits him.

39. Favorite game? card games!!!

40. Favorite book? i have a predominantly western understanding of literature because i have a degree in english literature, so forgive me. i think he'd like romantic poets, like whitman, wordsworth, byron, and dickinson. he'd like romanticism for it's emphasis on the natural world and on emotion and justice. i think he'd like classic children's books too, like peter pan or alice in wonderland.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? he'd wanna eat lunch with his parents because he misses them <3

42. 3 comfort items? i had a long and nice answer for this but tumblr ate it (which pisses me off so much u have no idea) so i dont remember what i'd said. the earbud transmitters hotaru left him, but i cant remember the other two. ill reblog again if i remember.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i think ruka would like bread and pastries, lots of desserts. i dont have much of an inkling what he wouldn't like except that i believe he's a vegetarian so he wouldn't eat meat. i just dont understand how he could have such connection and empathy for animals, genuinely love them as friends, and have the animal pheromone alice on top of that, and eat them. i dont think he'd judge anybody for eating meat, but he wouldn't be able to himself.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting natsume <3

46. The person they most admire? natsume, mikan, and his mom. people whose strength he admires and maybe covets.

47. Their dream job? he wants to be a vet!!!!

48. Scariest moment of their life? poor ruka has gone through a lot of scary moments but i think he's managed to be brave each time anyway, which is very admirable. i keep saying natsume for all his answers, but i think natsume's death would be the scariest moment because he genuinely couldn't do anything to stop it. i think not only was it the moment he lost his best friend, but also a moment that made him feel like he really couldn't be of any help or support to natsume after all, that he really was a burden.

49. Favorite toy as a child? rich boy ruu-chan had a lot of toys and while i'm tempted to think he'd like stuffed animals, at the end of the day i think he'd be way more interested in playing with real animals. i think they made him feel accepted and understood and less alone.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think the memories of the time between natsume dying and coming back would be a bit blurry. he wouldnt have been holding on tight to that period of time, to put it lightly.

Natsume <3

1. Canon I outright reject? I will never accept him dying young. sorry higuchi but i just cant listen to you.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? natsume LOVES chocolate and sweets. why do so many people insist on him hating sweets just because he's "cool" i dont get it???

3. Obscure headcanon? he listens to rap and rap rock. im sorry i just. cant imagine he wouldn't love rap. whatever.

4. Favorite line? i love when one of the kids asks him to tutor him when the whole class is in study mode, saying, "i thought if i went in with a 'do or die' attitude then maybe..." and natsume replies, "then die." (i know it's hard to see but it's at the bottom, where ruka's face is.) ALSO on a more serious note, "can you wait for me?" because it KILLS me.

5. Best personality trait? how sweet he can be!!!! no but seriously natsume acts cool but he's the most hopeless romantic of the bunch and i live by that.

6. Worst personality trait? martyr complex.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? who needs headcanon when we have canon!! natsume is ten (a couple months away from eleven) when he's introduced and the second youngest (only older than ruka) in the main four (the boys being younger than the girls is so cute). he's sixteen at the epilogue and in kageki <3. he's 140 cm/4'6 and 34.5 kg/76 lbs when we meet him, and 175 cm/5'9 and 72 kg/159 lbs at the epilogue.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i think the popular opinion is that natsume is a baby boy who deserves peace and love after a childhood of rage and agony but if you disagree, i'll throw u off a cliff myself.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? im gonna be real with u. he was my fav from the start. i never ever had negative feelings towards him ever from the beginning. is that weird? idk. i dont really care. i saw him with his mask and was determined to watch the whole anime just bc he was in it.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? it's really hard for me to answer this but i think my favorite natsume moment is when he finally rebels against the ESP and persona... something he'd always wanted to do but couldn't, finally given the chance through the knowledge that he'd rather be dead than allow mikan to live through the same suffering that he does.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? getting mikan to play the prince. he's so fucking stupid.

14. Most heroic moment? he wishes it was his death scene! i think his most heroic moment was when he decided to go to the academy for his sister. i pick this scene and not any others bc when natsume risks his life later on, part of it is motivated by suicidal ideation so it's kinda hard for me to think of those moments as anything but.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? same answer as ruka's. yes i say this even knowing that he might have killed people during DA missions. those other ppl arent real to me; mikan is.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? again, zoe and i made a killer playlist for the main 4 ga characters. natsume's is the best though, we both agree. since, again, the playlist is still under construction, here are some tracks from it that suit him. (lots of them are triggering, particularly regarding thoughts of suicide, just as a warning.)

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? everything? trauma, self-image, martyr complex, suicidal ideation, dealing with terminal illness... there's a lot.

19. Vices/bad habits? he has a lot! the worst is his overuse of his alice.

20. Scars? i'm sure he has some. DA missions are not safe and although natsume is canonically immune to his own fire, he's not immune to flying shrapnel and rubble. i like the anime showing us some glimpses into what his missions might look like. we even got to see him get shot, an injury he (presumably) patched up himself instead of going to the hospital for, which is VERY in character. the anime NAILED that episode (chef's kiss, best episode ever, hands down).

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? cherry dr pepper (this is just a ridiculous joke zoe and i made that is now serious. what a sickening beverage)

22. Best physical feature? his eyes! so pretty. i also love his silky hair. he is SO pretty and has sUCH pretty eyelashes. most beautiful boy ever.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? he'd be a lovely scent, very woody and foresty. not floral or sweet.

24. Most annoying habit? martyr complex.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? it's hard to imagine natsume having a tumblr tbh but i think if he did it would be a little anticlimactic. he'd mainly just reblog stupid self-deprecating jokes and edgy music.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? jokes with ruka <3 teasing mikan <3 :)

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? sadly, natsume rarely cries. but he cries when he loses someone, so leaving his father, and i think he must have cried when he woke up after dying just to find out mikan was gone.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? a good day would probably be if he doesn't have to go on a mission. a perfect day would be the two christmases where he got to kiss mikan. i think he went to sleep very happy those nights.

36. Their favorite season? spring <3 though i always associate him with autumn and winter.

37. What they really think about themselves? BAD. not worth the trouble. exists for others. similar nonsense.

38. Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS

39. Favorite game? playing cards with ruka! also its easy to imagine him being into video games, particularly violent ones.

40. Favorite book? i think he'd prefer manga to books but if he were to read books i think he'd like fucked up shit. maybe horror like stephen king or something.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? his mom

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i base this off of official art (thus, canon), but pasta, chocolate, and strawberries are his favorite foods. i think he wouldnt like coffee (thats why he always drinks it in my fics lmao....) and i like imagining him as being a childishly picky eater. i dont really have any evidence for his dislikes. just vibes.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting ruka and both christmases <3

46. The person they most admire? i think he would admire his mother and yuka a lot. obviously, he also admires ruka and mikan, for being unlike him.

47. Their dream job? he simply does not dream of labor. it's really hard for me to come up with a job he'd love bc of how he's been forced to work as an actual child. he likes manga... maybe something involved with that?

48. Scariest moment of their life? when aoi burned down the village, though i do think he's had lots of scary moments after that too. i just think that was probably the moment he realized how powerless he really was, how much he was at the mercy of others simply bc he was a child.

49. Favorite toy as a child? i think he'd probably be a big fan of matchbox cars? or maybe im saying that bc i liked matchbox cars. (and also cuz theyre called matchbox cars). he seems to like basketball too!

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? natsume is a big ball of trauma so i wouldnt be surprised if there was plenty. i think he's kind of forced to compartmentalize a lot, since his experiences in the DA class are so gruesome and different from his school life, so he'd be forced to pretend like he didn't just go on a terrifying mission last night, which leads to unprocessed trauma and maybe even blurred memories.

Mikan <3

1. Canon I outright reject? if higuchi tachibana doubting that "natsume won" is canon, then i reject it. mikan MADE A CHOICE. in your manga, higuchi!!!! she even says, "these feelings i have only for you", which means the only person she loves romantically is natsume. higuchi YOU WROTE THIS.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? ^^^ that one. also she's not a masochist.

3. Obscure headcanon? even though natsume can have a potentially atrocious taste in fashion, i think mikan would find his fits cute nonetheless, maybe just bc it's him!

4. Favorite line? I love when she tells natsume to join her team before the sports fest. she NEVER asks for anything from natsume or tells him how she feels but she takes a risk this once and it's wonderful until he rejects her and she takes a long while to recover from that moment where she finally put herself out there only to get turned down.

5. Best personality trait? perseverance, in regards to difficult times and difficult people.

6. Worst personality trait? toxic positivity

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? we have canon!! she is (unbeknownst to her) eleven years old when she first comes to the academy and is turning seventeen when we see her again in the last chapters. she's 138 cm/4'6 and 33 kg/73 lbs at her debut and 158 cm/5'2 and 47 kg/104 lbs at the last chapters.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? it's okay that she's stupid! i dislike when mikan is made so much smarter, or when they significantly alter her personality, in fics. i think she's pretty great the way she is!

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? HARD TO SAY. regrettably i wasn't always a huge fan of mikan, especially in the anime, bc i thought she was annoying. but i think when i matured just a little, it was hard to keep it up. i think i fully loved her on the second rewatch/reread. i couldnt tell u the specific scene bc it was too long ago.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? i reread just this little moment so often. i'm not saying it's a healthy moment, hiding her feelings until she's alone, but it's so her and it's so heart-crushing and tragic. i love it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? she's frequently stupid, but i really enjoy this moment, just bc of how naive she is, both to natsume's situation and to her own feelings. (mikan, girl, you're in love with him.)

14. Most heroic moment? is there anything more heroic than this?

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? mikan rarely does things out of ill-will. i could say one of her well-intentioned blunders, but that feels cheap. i'll say this, then, when mikan tells natsume that him worrying about her is a bother. i'll talk about it during my essay, but mikan says that, against her urges to keep him with her, because she remembers the pain of him choosing luna over her and she, in that moment, reacts in a kneejerk way to make him hurt a little too. it's the only moment i can think of where she hurts somebody without at least meaning well. (and YES i know that this is right after luna told her to keep their encounter a secret, but mikan chooses to be cold to natsume in a way that she isnt towards hotaru or her other friends for asking similar questions.)

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves? mikan never admits anything to herself! that she loves natsume sticks out the most though.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? AGAIN, zoe and i made playlists for the main 4 but they're unsuitable for consumption right now, so here are some mikan flavored tracks!

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? her little useless complex as well as her toxic positivity and all the trauma she had to endure in a very short time frame.

19. Vices/bad habits? "keep smiling, mikan, no matter what!"

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? orange juice and orange soda

22. Best physical feature? her smile, allegedly! i love the way her eyes are drawn (my answer for everyone is eyes bc i LOVE the way higuchi draws eyes...). i, like natsume, also LOVE when her hair is down.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? she'd be like her name, and have a fruity, floral scent! very sweet!

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? i think it would be super cute with lots of bright, fun colors, desserts, and positivity quotes.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? she smiles a lot. i like her genuine smiles, when she hears something she likes or spends quality time with people she loves.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? mikan is sensitive! thus she cries a lot! she cries when people around her are hurt, she cries when she doesn't get what she wants, or when things get hard. i think it's sweet.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with her class b pals with some light antics and shenanigans, or hanging out with her senpais in the special ability class would make her happy. later, going on dates with natsume, too. <3

36. Their favorite season? summer, but the lovely thing is how happy and awestruck mikan seems to be by every passing season. she loves them all! it's very sweet, how much love she has for life.

37. What they really think about themselves? despite her tendency to see the beauty or value in everything, she doesn't see much in herself. she thinks of herself as ordinary, boring, useless. she knows that people love her smile but she thinks that's all she has to offer so she hides her negative feelings away. ;-;

38. Favorite holiday? new year's!!!

39. Favorite game? she loves all games, but especially sports and high-activity games

40. Favorite book? she'd like high-spirited books with wacky characters, like pippi longstocking, anne of green gables, or matilda.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? her parents and jii-chan

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? obviously she loves oranges and she eats lots of oranges in the manga. i like to think she shares hotaru's love for seafood, bc seafood reminds her of hotaru, but hotaru is so insane abt it that mikan seems to have a tame love in comparison. and HOWALON, obviously. i dont think mikan would dislike much food or be a picky eater bc she loves to eat <3

44. Their happiest memory? i think her school memories with her friends, particularly lighthearted moments, would stick out as happiest. the culture fest or the dodgeball game or swimming class.

46. The person they most admire? hotaru, natsume, ruka, etc. she admires lots of people. she has a tendency to see the good parts of people and to focus on them until that's the main thing she sees.

47. Their dream job? i like to see mikan in people-oriented, caring-based roles, like as a nurse or a teacher, where there's emphasis on helping people. i think she'd really thrive in a career like that. i especially like imagining her as a teacher. (her husband can share some pretty decent benefits from such a career afaik)

48. Scariest moment of their life? probably the whole night of the escape arc. no part of that was easy. the entire night was stressful and scary

49. Favorite toy as a child? she makes her own mikan dolls! mikan is awful at homemade things, like cooking or sewing, but she loves it anyway! i think she liked making her own toys and seeing the beauty in her ugly little creations.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think mikan would try and remember the hard moments so that she can get stronger, just based on the way she talks about such moments, like after pengy dies.

#ooooOOOH I HATE TUMBLR #it ate my answers which is very annoying when i have dozens for each character >:(#sorry it took a while for me to post #ga #gakuen alice #ask games #tardytothepardy #answered #nogi ruka #hyuuga natsume #sakura mikan #this is really long! i hope its satisfactory!#if theres a mistake with formatting or any unanswered/incomplete questions lemme know #its tumblrs fault for having such a frustrating system #i hope ur having a great day too!#edit: i updated this just now with mikans weight and height #which i skipped over on accident before #i hate editing theseeeee

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