#5 YEARS AGO?!?! ims cared
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i miss putting together concept-type playlists i dont do that much anymore
this is my best playlist imo i think ive talked abt it before but i mde it wow so many years ago after watching brick 2005 (kind of a noir detective film but everyones a teenager. proto riverdale)
#so it has all tehse 2000s pop or rock songs and then#jazz lounge and techno#5 YEARS AGO?!?! ims cared
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idk what discourse dimension some of you "fandom elders" are stuck in, but in my ~15 years in online (and sometimes irl) fandom spaces, this is the golden age for me
shipping wars have literally always existed and acting like we all used to hold hands and sing kumbaya is insane. "well, there wasnt this moral component thats soooo annoying these days" okay but thats worse. you do see how thats worse, right? people used to tell each other to kill themselves over zutara vs kataang and then not even care when people were racist. twice as mad for reasons half as reasonable. also, where were you all in 2015-2019? that was the era of "steven universe is fascism apologism" and "i headcanon these characters as found family, so its incest to ship them". now shipping "drama" is like "oh i broke mutuals with them after they wrote smut of this child character being assaulted by their parent", which is actually just a normal response
wondering what torment nexus some of you are trapped in where fandom has gotten more toxic? hope you can escape soon, because im having a ball out here in a world where biphobia is seen as a bigger problem than a ship being dumb
#csa mention#incest mention#like. just a vague example but ive been asked to tag any and all mentions so i feel this counts?#i see a ship i hate and i keep my mouth shut and expect everyone else to give me the same respect when i post ships they might not like#do i bitch about fandom sometimes here and there? absolutely. would i prefer a return to how fandom was even just 5 years ago?#gun to my head you could not make me#like. im a w*ll stan. i have Seen Some Things and i have gotten upset by them. but thats just how every large social experience is#if its something you care about... youre gonna have opinions and so will everyone else#fandom will never be 100% chill and conflict-free. that doesnt mean i havent seen MASSIVE improvements in every#fandom ive been in over the years. its getting better overall everywhere ive gone. where are you all where its getting worse?
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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i'm so normal about them (they consume my every thought)
#i care about them so much#theyre my childhood comfort ship#just finished whole cake and im about to catch up to where i left off 5 years ago#im too weak for lineart#do not say anything about the hands pls i beg#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#zolu#zolu fanart#one piece#gear 5 luffy#my art <3
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#do you ever think about the way thinks die? i dont mean bodies. i mean the idea of things.#when a building was a place where people went and worked. somwtimes thousands of them. and then the people stop coming and the idea of the#the place gradually dies. and people start to forget. the writing on graves wear away until theyre just empty pillars#marking the location of someone that no one remembers. someone whose name will never be spoken again because all of their#impact has been washed away. how an object you poured your whole life into can suddenly become a scrap of technological trash.#how the bodies of a million plants and animals hundreds and millions of years old. compressed into soft smearing#sedimentary rock can be burned away to ash. obstructing the sky over point pleasant where 46 people died in a bridge collapse 10 days before#Christmas and people only remember the mothman. dying towns and dying building and dying ideas. i do this dumb thing all the time where i#declare the death of ideas. sometimes to myself. sometimes out loud. i dont thibk anyone knows im doing it. i just give them a 'so it goes'#bc i read slaughterhouse 5 in high school and couldnt shake the repeated decorations of death. i was going to read a book today. so it goes.#my mom was going to fly out and take care of me when i got my wisdome teeth out. so it goes. that place used to be a glass factory but the#y abandoned it 20 years ago. so it goes. life is a sequence of dying ideas. living by falling through a corpse. and its not that im in#dispair about it. its terrifying and sad that nothing lasts and change is the only constant. and i grieve for the dead things that will#never be known. the things that were born in the dark. were never seen and then died there. but there's something about the process of#living and dying that i find deeply compelling. to watching something spin into life and then sputter out to nothing. and that every other#thing to ever exist is on the same trajectory just at a different timescale. i dunno. theres something beautiful in that. and theres#something beautiful in thinking about all the dead and dying things. at least. i think there is...#unrelated
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Not me in my mid 30s in 2024 with this on my bedroom closet door
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#it's been there a while i just forgot to post about it#tbh i gave up the whole aging my room up concept 5 years ago#when i decided to put up a robbie williams poster on the the door directly beside that poster#i do not care#🤣#merthur#merlin#arthur pendragon#im tagging for blog organization sorry everybody#i want to keep this post tagged 🤣
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let me COOK with this one also everybody clap at least the thumbnail isnt purple
#i posted the different sketchy thumbnails for this a couple hours ago but i deleted it after 5 minutes cause the colors were bad bad#i want to try smtg a little more realistic lighting wise but i just know the bags and the fridge will take me forever#i will get so fucking mad. i am prepared#i love the idea for this though im planning a few more illustrations with elias brooke and diamila of like casual vampirism#both to practice storytelling in illustrations and environments#this is my art improvement year i could care less about uni or my future we need to get to pro levels in time for artf*ght#wip
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BLOCKING s3 vol. 1 haters on sight i am. blocking you all ON FUCKING SIGHT!!! last season we had to deal with eskel being turned into a goddamn fucking tree and then wolf food and now with the MOST fun and MOST enjoyable and LEAST Actively Pissing On The Books season of twn since literally season one that came out before the FUCKING PANDEMIC you wanna HATE??? not having it NOT having it. we literally have the "jaskier being ciris fun uncle" content we craved post-s1 for three years and Geralt literally called him "jask" and you wanna be MEAN???? NOT on my feed no sir
#mine#the witcher#witcher#im making use of my entire reaction file for this#its mostly full of gifs i took from the big brother tag like 4-5 years ago#'but (sob) they aged up radovid and in the books he's (sniffle) he's-' and in the books eskel is alive and not a tree so WHO FUCKING CARES#ive blocked 3 people for being just unnecessarily mean abt s3 i do NOT need this negativity in my life#the witcher s3 spoilers
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Oversharing 💪
Probably insensitive but if my disabled dad cannot function well enough to heat his own food up in the microwave, take his cup to the sink, throw his trash in the garbage bin, what am i supposed to do? What is HE supposed to do ? And how much of this do i question without being an asshole? And seriously truly what the hell am i supposed to do?
I KNOW he can do the above things. He’s physically able, he can walk, but he has pain and will sometimes faint bc of blood sugar and stuff. But most of all he says he’s too weak to do that stuff. There was a time after he got out of the hospital + physical therapy where he was able to walk around and do stuff. It was difficult but he could still do things like walk around a grocery store or do dishes. Btw we have a dishwasher — when i say do dishes i mean just simply put them in the fucking dishwasher. Idk. He doesn’t manage his diabetes well at all, so he’s constantly in a state of crisis bc he neglects himself. Anyways. My question is, if he’s too weak to do that stuff anymore by living at home (he works from home, so he’s not even exerting energy by working. He’s on his phone most of the time anyway. Cleaning up after himself is pretty much the only thing i ask of him), why the fuck is he letting himself be that way. If it’s possible for him to not be as disabled as he is, why is he not trying even slightly to make it easier on himself? He hates being this way
He’s told me so many times how one day he’s gonna get more physical therapy done and he’ll be able to hike w us and stuff, which is smth we all like to do together. He’s holding himself back — im not saying this in the dumbass way where will can overcome all disability but i AM saying that there IS a realistic way for him to improve and yes, he is too depressed to do it, but he’s also a grown man who has his family begging for him to get somewhere with this . You don’t think I’m depressed too ? yet I still force myself to do all this because I care about my family. You’re grown. You have to choose at some point. After years and years of this and after so many people support you, i genuinely cannot sympathize with the idea that it’s out of his control anymore
What am i supposed to do? Am i just supposed to accept that he’ll never be able to do anything himself and just let him have that? I’m literally fulfilling the housewife role, physically with tasks, emotionally, and parentally, and it’s disgusting to me. He works from home all he does is sit at home apologizing to me over and over about not doing anything, but still not ACTUALLY being sorry enough to do anything about it. And ofc i say it’s ok bc what am i supposed to do. I’m tired of wrestling myself back and forth thinking im bad for expecting anything of him -> getting fed up with doing everything for him -> thinking im bad again. And yeah maybe one day out of every 2 weeks he’ll have a day where he’ll clean the kitchen or get all the trash up that he throws down by his chair and throw it away. It makes him feel good, it’s great. But as soon as it’s done, he continues not putting in any effort. You are tired from going to fucking Walgreens? From putting the clothes away that i washed dried folded and brought to your room? So you just throw them on the floor and now they’re mixed with the dirty ones so I have to wash everything again, because you can’t remember what’s clean ? And you’ve taught your (now adult! Adult!!!!!) kids to behave in this helpless way as well? Now they think they can scream in my face if i tell them to take the garbage out a second time because they didnt do it the first time i asked ?
If it’s true and you’re tired, then you need physical therapy. Walking to the kitchen should not wind you, your illnesses don’t explain that. It’s simply because you haven’t built your muscles up enough to do that, which I understand because it’s hard, but what the hell. Our insurance will cover it so there’s no reason not to. Also, my dad is known for being lazy even before he became this disabled, so how do I know what to question and what not to? I’ve caught myself being an asshole to him but I’m also tired of him choosing helplessness, it’s so hard. Obviously he is never going to be at full strength, i don’t expect that, i just expect him to pick up after himself and just help me a little. Please
And I don’t even know if my complaints are truly valid (hate that word but ok -__-) bc 1. Could be way worse like years ago and 2. Is it really that big of a deal to clean? Except yes it is and no one understands how disgusting a house can get unless you are in this situation . Detrimental effects on my mental health no matter if i choose to clean or not. So idk. Or the secret third thing which is most likely - I’ve been depressed for so long, houses we’ve had have always been gross + cluttered bc of mental illness in the family, so now as an adult my threshold for what i can stand is very small, bc it’s been built up this whole time with no breaks. So yes it’s bad here, but I feel so stressed bc of the history of it, not just current events... I just feel sooooo trapped lol like this has been going on forever and slowly I’ve regained control so now I solely control the house, which has improved it, but it’s also a huge stressor on me, because the more i take on, the more is expected of me. Like how my dad can’t microwave his own food or pick up his meds at the pharmacy drive thru. LOL
So much oversharing and idgaf if no one reads bc it’s embarrassing and probably pretty dumb like i could be dealing with sooo much worse lol but im so fed up and don’t feel like going to get my journal lol. So yep sorry bout that but GRRAAAAAHH!
My dad is not evil my family is not evil. They are depressed. Not evil thats unrealistic and cartoonish and i think if ur response to this is to say smth like that i understand but u may want to evaluate ur life and relationships. My family is depressed. I’m depressed. Thanks for trying to validate my experience but it makes me feel strange when people view my family as cartoon villains when literally everything is nuanced and I’m sure that from their perspectives, what they’re doing is rational. Humans ok lol but i am very frustrated
#i dont wanna come off the wrong way so ill say: my family DOES help me. um. especially if we have company over or whatever#they will help me clean. our problem is that consistently everything is everywhere 90% of the time. people leave their stuff everywhere#belongings. clothes. dirty dishes. trash. food. bags of cat litter that they for once decided to scoop but were too lazy to take to the#trash can. you get what im saying ?? so instead of behaving like actual human beings i just have to pick up after them or ignore it until#sometimes weeks later. they take care of it#.. it makes everyone depressed obviously. but this going on for over a decade + me finally stepping up to try to fix it ~5 years ago really#builds up it makes me in a constant state of panic to be honest. i am so overwhelmed all the time just from this stupid shit. i don’t even#have real problems anymore it’s just this its soooo fucking stupid seriously!! but it makes me freak out. i have too much control and no#control at the same time
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old art of mine staring hasbin hollywood star rick dalton & silly stuntman cliff booth!!🫣🎬🎥
bonus no glasses cus i couldn’t choose which ones better:
#once upon a time in hollywood#rick dalton#cliff booth#i used to think about making this into a keychain lmfao but probably 5 people would buy it#i forget once upon a time was done in like 2019…..#five fuckn YEARS ago?! where’s my rick/cliff truthers at!!!!!!#they’re the bestest of friends that border the line of lovers real fuckin close#anyways uh🫣🫣 this is old and im just publishing stuff left and right no care in the world
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"When will we, as a fandom, understand that Alastor does not infact want the best for Charlie, nor does he want to be her dad"
What about you shut up and let people have some fun and enjoy the found family that's clearly shown in every episode
#hazbin hotel#you all sound like the people who teared up the poor person on reddit a few years ago#we are missing 5 months of shenanigans between them#why you cant believe he is able to care?#is because he is ace? because im 100% sure if he had been allosexual you wont be saying the same shit#you are putting him in the same level as Valentino for fucks sake#alastor is a demon with doubtful morals? absolutely#they are all in hell and he doesnt want to go to heaven#doesnt mean he cant care for anybody#it's confirmed Rosie is his friend#Mimsy still is#why Charlie cant?#and if he didnt want to help her he could have literally just dissapear
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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I’m always in and out of mega man circles and lore is a subject I’ve come to loathe sometimes as I enjoy the lore in this series but the gatekeeping was unreal over a series that didn’t have anything planned out-like most old video games trying to establish lore-so alterations to canon should be acceptable next to “aus exist for a reason” but maybe it’s just cause the fandom as is doesn’t like/give star force a chance, I wish low key people would be more accepting of the idea of “turning the FM-Ians into robots akin to the Stardroids” because that would be such a raw concept for them to still exist in the robot timeline but as more space alien robots we never saw but I know people would get hissy at this idea not being “canon” when this doesn’t invalidate the network timeline, it’s just saying “what if these aliens both coexist” (cause I also fuck with the stardroids also being FM-Ians or space Navis if duo.exe can exist, but I feel like someone would’ve done that by now but definitely hasn’t done this idea)
#meg text#I swear I’ve said something like this once before but fuck if I’m gonna look all the way through my archive#it’s not even hard to sort through the early years cause I barely posted but my blogs back then were kinda cringe 💀#but also I’ve been actually playing BN cause I got the collection on sale so the light SF brain came to me#I should replay… but I never actually beat the games after 1 I just got close to it and quit cause I’m a loser LOL#happens with many mm games sadly#but no I’d love to do something with this idea even if I’m terrible with designs#There’s just soooo much you could do#Any animal like aliens id keep them animal shapes so they’d more be like mavericks but objects aliens would be humanoid#so it be a weird mix of mavericks + random human boss lol#I say their reploid equivalents bc I can see them appearing in 21XX onward but not reploids give yknow- aliens#I’ve never played the GBA classic games bc accessibility so I don’t know how the stardroids are#if they are given anything cause I assume they’d be free will but also maybe they have a objective to follow like the robot masters#cause like duo it either could be seen as he has free will and choosing to eliminate justice or that was what he was PROGRAMMED to do#god im like 1 of 5 people who care about regular duo I should also do something with him#I gotta talk to my one mm friend who shares the same takes as me about this LOL#also maybe the community nicer about lore ever since you know who’s downfall but I doubt it#if they argue about games why wouldn’t they argue over a silly fan concept#(also awhile ago I saw people harassing a fan dev… yeah not great)
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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!
@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil
#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you#dont wanna#theres nothing of substance in there lol#ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice#i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them#oh god i would never be able to show them defrag#and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them#id be too worried of them making fun of me#but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to#“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one#a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him#in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy#hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie#also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol#and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM#they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them#because i was really upset by them making fun of me#and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off#like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you#and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH#oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now#they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off#i havent cut them off either ive just left it#i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks#but i kinda just ignore it#i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them
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in case anyone was wondering why i've been quieter this past week
#lennyrambles#my hands and back hurt like shit#im gonna be selling these goobers in my school's arts festival so#yay#i guess#im very tired#i dont care if this meme died 5 years ago i saw the opportunity and took it
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i got offered the promotion at work.... why am i every business owners wettest dream damn....
#yapping#yes my ocd is horrible for my mental health but boy is it good for my wallet !!!!#its not OFFICIAL yet#but it was offered to me and i accepted so theyre seeing how they want to proceed now#cause its not just about me theres a shit ton of changes they want to make that include switching like 5 peoples schedules around#but my team leader said that most of those changes being possible depended on whether i would accept this or not#so well see#id be a team leader myself now#the feminine urge to become a power hungry dictator control freak at work.......#id be switching from my current early morning shifts to late night shifts which is much less healthy on paper#but my body is made for sleeping late i physically can not go to bed before 3am even now when i wake up at 5:30#i might have the money to renovate my apartment now cause i think this comes with a 20% pay increase which is a lotttt#i basically will be earning two incomes myself now 😭#dani said he fully believes Ace Of Spades exists at this point cause everything always ends up going my way in the end#i know it may seem like im flexing but please be aware when i started this job a year and a half ago i was borderline homeless 😐#so its a huge deal for me 😭 and really quickly done as well which is why its so insane#like. in a year and a half only i went from borderline homeless and my parents keeping me on constant phonecalls#cause they were worried id off myself if i hung up#to being a homeowner that earns two incomes by herself while working from home#i feel like in most companies hard work doesnt rly pay off tbh i was just lucky to get into one of the few companies where they do value it#the literal CEO is my biggest dickrider 😭 but i do appreciate him giving me raises randomly cause he feels like i deserve it#but yeah !!!! apparently life altering anxiety that forces you to compulsively do perfect work at any job you ever do#because making mistakes and not giving it your 110% feels like a moral failure so you feel sick at the very thought of it#is apparently what makes the dream worker#if only they knew i dont actually care about this in any capacity.... i am just fucked in the head in a way that works im their favour 😭#this is why all of my ex bosses begged me to stay when i quit teehee#im yapping too much but yeah !! heall yeah money !!
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