#4352.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #4352:

I don't think anyone in fandom understands the concept of deescalation anymore. I've gotten hate a few times for wild, outrageous things that someone read into totally wrong, or from people who just saw a ship or something on my blog they hated, and all I've done was either delete the ask, or reply calmly with something like, "if you want to talk to me please feel free, but I'm not going to respond to asks designed to provoke outrage or drama in me or my followers". But literally every time I see someone get hate now, much to my dismay, the person turns it into a whole drama party where they fling shit back at the person at 100% power, or they even turn it up more, and I'm like, does anyone NOT do this nowadays? It's like everyone is so pent up and itching for drama that they immediately jump at the chance to shit on someone, and the fact that a random dick of an anon sent them a crappy message is the perfect excuse they need. In these cases, I really don't think two wrongs make a right. People always say, "they started it lol", but that just comes off like a kid on the playground pointing at the other kid after they have a fight that disrupts the entire schoolyard. It's tiring, it saps my energy and my already waning willingness to engage with anyone in fandom now. I'm in my 30s, I'm over this prepubescent drama.

[bobbie-robron]

Classic ED schedule, week 47

UK START TIME FOR MONDAY: 1:35 P.M.

18-Nov: 23-Apr-2006 (4343), 24-Apr-2006 (4344)

1) Debbie takes the rap for the fire to protect Daz (confusing poor Jack since he confessed apparently to him). Alice’s hen night takes place, stripper and all. 2) Sam and Alice marry (Easy Come Easy Go by Rob Ellis is used as incidental music) and know they are now on borrowed time. Will Jimmy have enough to secure a haulage deal? Matthew and Sadie realize they need to sell their share and reluctantly approach Jimmy.

UK START TIME FOR TUESDAY: 1:30 P.M.

19-Nov: 25-Apr-2006 (4345), 26-Apr-2006 (4346)

1) Debbie makes a move on Jasmine and professes she loves her (Chas encourages Debbie while Cain is the opposite). Jimmy agrees to buy Matthew & Sadie’s shares to use to his advantage. Tom seeks an assistant for Edna. 2) Jimmy gets what he wants even with Sadie & Carl’s interference. Tom offers Jean the assistant job. Debbie won’t let Daz take the rap for the fire so the two decide on replacing some lost photographs.

UK START TIME FOR WEDNESDAY - FRIDAY: 1:35 P.M.

20-Nov: 27-Apr-2006 (4347), 28-Apr-2006 (4348)

1) Tom is told firsthand that Sadie & Matthew are the new owners of the haulage. Jimmy (and Carl) is outraged by Sadie & Matthew’s shenanigans. Edna and Jean… oil and water. Sam and Alice are off on holiday. Jamie plans on buying an ice cream van with Rodney’s help. 2) Dawn is given a custodial sentence for benefit fraud. Will Jimmy’s plan to complete the show home in double quick time work? Katie’s finances turn into a positive light.

21-Nov: 30-Apr-2006 (4349), 01-May-2006 (4350)

1) Jealousy rears his head for Terry as Jean shares a drink with Tom over Dawn’s incarceration. Grayson is clueless to his wifey’s attraction to Hari inviting him and Paddy to a golf tournament. 2) Terry and Jean admit their feelings for each other but decide to keep it quiet because of Dawn.

22-Nov: 02-May-2006 (4351), 03-May-2006 (4352)

1) Pollard’s quest for info on Irvin Ward becomes a mess as he’s caught on camera with himself and a very frisky Shirley. Paddy can’t attend the tournament but gives Hari & Perdy a place to meet… the surgery. Terry & Jean decide to use Tom’s affection for her as a cover up for them continuing in secret. 2) Will Pollard keep his promise to spend more time with Val? Louise is happy Kayleigh approves of her in a letter to her mum. Ivan is back with Simon renewing their friendship.

[michaelgabrill]

Sols 4352-4354: Halloween Fright Night on Mars

Earth planning date: Friday, Nov. 1, 2024 Yesterday evening (Thursday) was Halloween for many of us here on Earth. My neighborhood in eastern Canada was full of small (and not so small!) children, running around in the dark collecting sweets and candy but also getting scared by the ghostly decorations hung at each house. Little […] from NASA https://ift.tt/EoAc5Qy

[secondhandspirits-blog]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Tupperware FridgeSmart™ 8½ Cup 11"Long Container () Refrigerator Storage.

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Terezi Pyrope, Dave Strider, Aradia Megido, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor

Act 6, page 4352-4365

KARKAT: I WAS JOKING, GET THOSE FUCKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME

TEREZI: 1 4M SO SORRY YOU GUYS

TEREZI: W3 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4 LOT COOL3R TH4N TH1S!

DAVE: are you actually

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: NO

TEREZI: NO W3 AR3 NOT

KARKAT: WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW

KARKAT: SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.

KARKAT: WHO'S THE LEADER NOW?

KARKAT: ARADIA ARE YOU THE LEADER NOW

KARKAT: OR IS IT ROSE "I HAVE AN IDEA, LET'S TAKE THE INVINCIBLE DEMON HEAD ON!" LALONDE.

KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS

KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW IN WHOSE DIRECTION I MUST BEHAVE AS THE MOST PATHETICALLY USELESS SUBORDINATE I CAN BE.

KARKAT: QUICK, SOMEONE BOSS ME AROUND! I'M FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND RARING TO GO.

KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN THERE'S A LEADER AROUND TRYING TO MAKE PLANS, RIGHT?

KARKAT: YOU DROP YOUR IQ HARDER THAN A PAIR OF HILARIOUSLY PLUMMETING PANTS, YOU CEASELESSLY RAMBLE ABOUT VAPID BULLSHIT, YOU RUN AROUND HIDING ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS IN TREASURE CHESTS, AND THEN EVERYONE STARTS MURDERING EACH OTHER.

KARKAT: IF THERE'S ANY OTHER EXPERIENCE CHARACTERIZING LEADERSHIP, IT'S ONE I SURE AS FUCK NEVER HAD!

KARKAT: SO I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS.

KARKAT: STRIDER, IS IT YOU???

TEREZI: 4444444UGH

ARADIA: karkat i dont know if anyone cares about formal ranks like that anymore

ARADIA: or if anyone ever did!

ARADIA: but for what its worth i suggest that from now on you all listen closely to the advice of our human guests

DAVE: wait

DAVE: really

ARADIA: yes!

ARADIA: no need to be so modest dave

ARADIA: tactically speaking a knight of time and a seer of light is a nearly unbeatable combination

DAVE: ok

DAVE: i dont really have any orders to give though

DAVE: except for karkat to shut the hell up because that horseshit is more obnoxious in person than i ever imagined

KARKAT: OH WOW, I WOULD OFFER A RETORT TO YOUR VICIOUS BARB, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT UNLIKE EVERY ASSHOLE EVER, I CAN ACTUALLY FOLLOW ORDERS AND SHUT MY MOUTH!

KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT, "DOGG"

KARKAT: ......................................

ARADIA: yes you are off to an excellent start as a subordinate

ARADIA: keep doing that!

ARADIA: but dave dont worry if you do not have instructions for us

ARADIA: the knight of time is not necessarily the tactician

ARADIA: he is a powerful warrior class which exploits the flow of time as a weapon

ARADIA: rose is the one who must play the role of the strategist

ARADIA: the seer class knows her aspect comprehensively

ARADIA: as a knower of all fortune she can see the circuitous path that will lead to the most favorable outcome for everyone

ARADIA: personally i would defer to her judgment!

TEREZI: R34LLY? YOU C4N DO TH4T??

ROSE: Yes.

TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS 4 LOT MOR3 US3FUL TH4N MY S33R POW3RS >:[

ROSE: Illumination of the road to victory for all is an asset considerably different from command over the outcomes of decisions made by individuals.

ROSE: How do you know your talents won't be critical in blazing this auspicious trail?

TEREZI: UM

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1 DONT

ROSE: That's because you're not me.

KANAYA: Okay Then What Do We Do

ROSE: Nothing yet.

ROSE: But reasonably soon, within a certain window, it will be time to leave.

ROSE: We will then pilot this meteor as fast as we can make it go in that exact direction.

SOLLUX: what's that way?

ROSE: Nothing whatsoever.

ROSE: As of now, that way lies darkness and uncertainty beyond description.

KANAYA: I See

KANAYA: Then Perhaps We Should Reserve The Infinite Darkness Plan For The Maybe Column For Now

KANAYA: I Think Im Even Willing To Let Dave Take A Crack At The Logistics Before We Commit To That Particular Maneuver Daring Though It Sounds

DAVE: aw yeah

DAVE: i got sicknasty logistics up my sleeve

DAVE: i just call them stics fyi which is how you know im way savvy about them

DAVE: most of the stics im fine tuning atm involve rap though i should warn you

DAVE: but dave what if that dope as hell plan falls through i can hear you ask

DAVE: plan b

DAVE: involves drawing some shitty cartoons

DAVE: and not giving a fuck about stuff

TEREZI: >8D

TEREZI: 1 H3R3BY S3COND TH1S COOL DUD3S R4D1C4L MOT1ON ON GROUNDS OF R1D1CULOUSLY D3C4D3NT 4TT1R3

KANAYA: Yes Im Willing To Humor Elaboration On This Rap Centric Plan And Its Apathy Based Contingencies

KANAYA: Even If Its Excessively Stupid

ROSE: Trust me, it is.

ROSE: Just as you should trust me that by the time we leave, if we leave exactly within the designated window and are able to travel at nearly the speed of light, the meteor will trace a route through the Furthest Ring which will topologically resolve as a straight line.

ROSE: It will lead us directly to the new session.

ROSE: For a brief moment, the sun will be visible from that session.

ROSE: And we will be riding the chartreuse coattails of its photons.

ARADIA: this is why you all needed an advanced seer!

ARADIA: i have become familiar with the ways of the fabric out here but even i couldnt chart a journey that long or complex

ROSE: That's because it's almost impossible to do so voluntarily.

ROSE: If we were to head right now in the session's true physical direction, it wouldn't be long before we found ourselves traveling in just the opposite direction.

ROSE: This is not even to speak of the chronological peculiarities. After traveling some distance, we could discover we were suddenly tailgating our own meteor from several days ago.

ROSE: If we are particularly unfortunate, we might even collide in an intersection of spacetime with a meteor piloted by our future selves.

ROSE: And if we looked closely at that meteor before impact, we might notice a very large dent in it, which it originally suffered during the very collision we were about to experience.

ROSE: It takes precision and timing to reach your destination out here, and most importantly, the grace of the gods themselves.

KARKAT: PPPFFUUUUUUUHHHHHHH......... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE...

ROSE: Hm?

SOLLUX: kk, what the fuck?

SOLLUX: were you h0lding your breath that wh0le time?

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: SO?

TEREZI: OH GOD, YOU DUMMY

TEREZI: YOU DONT 4CTU4LLY H4V3 TO HOLD YOUR BR34TH WH3N YOUR3 B31NG QU13T!

KARKAT: OK YEAH

KARKAT: I MEAN, OF COURSE IT SOUNDS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT

DAVE: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

DAVE: rose i told you this dude is fucking incredible

KARKAT: STFU.

KARKAT: LOOK I'M JUST A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE AT STAYING QUIET FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME, OK?

TEREZI: H3 R34LLY 1S >:|

KARKAT: ANYWAY, WHATEVER, SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING LALONDE IS

KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO BE ON THIS HORRIBLE ROCK A GOOD WHILE LONGER TO GET TO THIS PARADISE SESSION OR WHATEVER IT IS?

ROSE: Yes.

KARKAT: AND SINCE WE PROBABLY AREN'T GOING TO FORCE SOLLUX'S BULLSHIT "HALF GHOST" OR WHATEVER TO POP HIMSELF AGAIN LIKE A PACKET OF NASTY FETID MUSTARD SO HE CAN SHOOT THIS THING INTO HYPERSPACE...

SOLLUX: hey man, come 0n. not c0ol.

KARKAT: I'M GUESSING THAT MEANS IT'LL TAKE CONSIDERABLY LONGER TO GET THERE THAN IT DID TO GET HERE?

ROSE: Yes.

KARKAT: I JUST KNEW IT

KARKAT: THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE REALIZED

KARKAT: WHEN WE FIRST FLED TO THIS METEOR I HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING WE'D WIND UP SPENDING FOREVER AT THIS MISERABLE PLACE, ASSUMING WE ACTUALLY SURVIVED.

KARKAT: I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK, HOW LONG IS THIS TRIP GOING TO TAKE?

KARKAT: PROBABLY SOME ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNT OF TIME, LIKE THREE LONG MADDENING SWEEPS, RIGHT???

KARKAT: WOULDN'T THAT JUST BE SO COSMICALLY CONVENIENT AND PERFECT FOR EVERYBODY! ESPECIALLY FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PURPOSE OF ALL, MY UNINTERRUPTED CONTINUUM OF PERSONAL AGONY!!!

KARKAT: THANK YOU, DARK GODS! THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! YOU WIN THIS ROUND! YOU WIN ALL THE ROUNDS APPARENTLY!!!!! THERE ARE NO ROUNDS EVEN. THERE'S JUST YOUR SLIMY TENDRILS, OUR NAKED BODIES, AND EPOCHS OF MOLESTATION.

ROSE: Don't be ridiculous. It won't take nearly that long.

KARKAT: OH

ROSE: It'll only take about three years.

KARKAT: OK

KARKAT: THAT'S NOT SO BAD I GUESS.

KARKAT: WAIT, HOW LONG ARE YEARS SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?

KARKAT: WAS IT LIKE TWO WEEKS OR SOMETHING?

ROSE: Yes, two.

ROSE: And then fifty more.

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

ARADIA: karkat go back to holding your breath!

ARADIA: this is going to be a wonderful adventure for everyone

ARADIA: im a bit jealous honestly!

ARADIA: or i would be if i wasnt having such a good time with my death fangirl thing :p

KANAYA: So

KANAYA: You Arent Coming Then

ARADIA: no

ARADIA: i still have important work to do here

TEREZI: 4WW >:[

ARADIA: but that doesnt rule out the possibility we could meet again in bubbles along your journey!

TEREZI: 1 HOP3 SO

SOLLUX: yeah, i think i'll hang behind here t0o, if that's 0k with you guys.

KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?

KARKAT: NO COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT

SOLLUX: be like what? a ghost??

SOLLUX: i d0n't think i belong with the living anym0re.

KARKAT: YOU'RE A *HALF* GHOST, ASSHOLE.

KARKAT: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? HOW ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS IDIOTIC "HALF DEATH" SERIOUSLY IF YOU JUST GO HOG WILD AS A FUCKING WHOLE-GHOST, AND SAY STUPID SHIT LIKE, BLAH BLAH, I BELONG IN THE AFTERLIFE NOW LIKE A DUMBASS.

SOLLUX: kk, SORRY.

SOLLUX: i'm just d0ne with this crap, this insane adventure bullshit, it's nothing pers0nal.

SOLLUX: i just want to spend time with aa and chill 0ut and catch up with some 0f our dead buddies, is that 0k?

KARKAT: WHATEVER, FINE.

KARKAT: I'M GOING BACK TO NOT BREATHING AGAIN.

KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUP.............

KANAYA: Maybe I Will Stay Here Too

ROSE: Why?

KANAYA: As Nice As It Sounds To Move On

KANAYA: I Dont Know If I Can Stand Three Of Your Human Years Of More Darkness

KANAYA: I Like This Sun Its Comforting In A Strange Way

KANAYA: Like Home

ROSE: But what if we need your help?

KANAYA: What Could I Possibly Do

KANAYA: Aside From Providing A Light Source As You Navigate The Dim Corridors

KANAYA: I Would Function As A Premium Escort To The Load Gaper And Thats About It

ARADIA: but kanaya you still have important work to finish too!

ARADIA: we cant ignore our duties

KANAYA: What Are You Talking About

ARADIA: our race is extinct remember

ARADIA: and after a few more casualties it is now hanging by a thread

ARADIA: your job was to see to the resurrection of our people

KANAYA: What Real Hope Is There For That

KANAYA: The Orb Was Destroyed

KANAYA: I Was Never Able To Duplicate It The Grist Cost Was Astronomical

ARADIA: theres always hope though!

ARADIA: you just never know and i dont think you should give up

KANAYA: Doesnt Rose Know

KANAYA: Cant You See The Path To Victory On This Matter

ROSE: It's hard to say.

ROSE: Does the repopulation of your species qualify as victory?

ROSE: These things aren't always clear cut. Some outcomes are for your own judgment.

ROSE: What outcome would you like the most?

KANAYA: I Would Like To Have The Orb Again And To Keep It Safe This Time

KANAYA: And I Guess To Not Be A Total Failure

ROSE: Ok.

ROSE: If you follow my advice, I can at least promise you will find yourself in the best position to determine whether that may come to pass.

KANAYA: ...

ROSE: Can you please come?

ROSE: Between the two of us, you with your inexplicably heretofore unmentioned phosphorescence, and I with my nigh-reflective traffic cone orange sun-sari, the meteor should never be too dark.

KARKAT: (sollux, oh my god is it me or is everybody already just fucking hitting on each other left and right? oh god i can't take sweeps of this shit, don't leave me alone here, please don't)

SOLLUX: ehehehehe.

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: All Right

KANAYA: But Must We Really Leave So Soon

ROSE: It's soon or never. But not immediately.

ROSE: Even if the route were accessible right now, it would still behoove us to wait.

ROSE: There's correspondence from John yet to arrive.

DAVE: whoa really

ROSE: And after that, we have to wait for one final guest to appear.

ROSE: Then we ride like the solar wind. The race will be afoot.

KANAYA: Wait Another Visitor

KANAYA: Who

KARKAT: FUCK!

ROSE: Oh lord.

ROSE: Now what?

KARKAT: BRO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BODY

KARKAT: SOLLUX, WHERE DID YOUR BODY GO???

SOLLUX: hell if i kn0w.

ARADIA: oh nooo :(

KARKAT: WAIT A MINUTE.

KARKAT: WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE, WHERE'S...

KARKAT: SHIT

KARKAT: VRISKA'S BODY IS GONE TOO!

DAVE: wait

DAVE: shes dead too

TEREZI: 3R...

DAVE: you guys are so messed up

KARKAT: WHERE ARE THEY?

KARKAT: DID ANYONE SEE WHAT HAPPENED??

KARKAT: DAMMIT, WHEN THE FUCK WILL I LEARN NOT TO TURN MY BACK ON THE BODIES.

KARKAT: HOLD ON

KARKAT: OH NO, WHERE'S GAMZEE

KANAYA: He Took Them

KANAYA: Look At The Trails

KARKAT: OHHHH FUCK

KARKAT: NO, FUCK NO, FUCK THAT CORPSE HOARDING SACK OF HORRIBLE GARBAGE.

DAVE: wait has the juggalo troll been giving you guys fits like this or something

DAVE: like this is a thing

DAVE: like a pattern

KARKAT: NICE GUESS SHIT HEAD!

DAVE: oh man one of you has got to sit me down and tell me what actually happened here it all just sounds fuckin amazing in sort of the stupidest way possible

DAVE: i mean like personal tragedies notwithstanding

KARKAT: YEAH, HE DOES THIS

KARKAT: HE SORT OF COLLECTS BODIES AND DECAPITATES THEM AND STUFF

KARKAT: STICKS THEM IN BIG SCIENCE JARS, FOR SOME REASON??

KANAYA: Im Pretty Sure He Kisses Them Too Sometimes

KARKAT: NO NO NO I'M NOT LISTENING TO SHIT LIKE THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT.

KARKAT: IT'S LIKE

KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW EVERY NOW AND THEN YOUR LUSUS WILL BRING SOME RANDOM ASS DEAD ANIMAL BACK TO YOUR HIVE FOR NO FUCKING REASON

KARKAT: AND THEY DON'T EVER STOP DOING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL

KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

DAVE: not really

DAVE: oh wait

DAVE: against all odds i sorta do

DAVE: mine actually did do that once

KARKAT: YES, THERE YOU GO.

DAVE: when i was really young

DAVE: he made this stupid leather bib for me out of a goddamn horse

DAVE: for the ironies obviously

ROSE: Was that the one you mentioned had a pink heart on it?

DAVE: yeah

ROSE: Hmm.

DAVE: what

ROSE: It's just that with the clarity afforded by my new abilities, it occurred to me just now that dead horse was likely the beautiful pet pony my mother gave me recently.

ROSE: It was crushed to death by your newborn ass.

ROSE: You bastard.

DAVE: well shit

DAVE: thats a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving

DAVE: but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work

ROSE: Thanks.

KARKAT: KANAYA WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

KANAYA: Clown Hunting

KARKAT: OH NO...

KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

KARKAT: I MEAN WHO EVEN REALLY CARES IF HE STOLE MORE BODIES.

KARKAT: HE CAN HAVE THEM FRANKLY, AS LONG AS IT KEEPS HIM OUT OF TROUBLE.

KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO HAVE A FUCKING CORPSE PARTY, SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT DUMB IDEA.

KANAYA: ...

KARKAT: ALRIGHT IF YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO GO

KARKAT: JUST

KARKAT: BE CAREFUL

KARKAT: NO MORE POINTLESS BLOODSHED, OK? THAT'S AN ORDER!

KARKAT: WAIT FUCK

KARKAT: I'M NOT LEADER ANYMORE

KARKAT: ROSE CAN YOU ORDER HER TO DO THAT?

KARKAT: SAY WHAT I JUST SAID, REALLY ANGRILY

KARKAT: ASSUMING YOU CAN EVEN *BE* ANGRY.

ROSE: ...

KARKAT: WAIT

KARKAT: GUYS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING...

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???

KARKAT: HOLY

KARKAT: FUCKING

KARKAT: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

[hsrips]

howdy, can i get the kanaya from 4352?

her heads a 8it shit sorry. i did my 8est with what i had to work with 8ut unfortun8ly what i had to work with was the 2nd 8lurriest lines in all of homestuck. the 8lurriest are karkat in that same image

heres some small guys from the same panel also

[akultech]

iOS 15, upgradable to iOS 16.5, planned upgrade to iOS 17 128GB 6GB RAM, 256GB 6GB RAM, 512GB 6GB RAM, 1TB 6GB RAM Apple A15 Bionic (5 nm) 6.7 inches, 2778 x 1284 pixels, 120Hz Refresh rate 12 MP (Triple camera), 12 MP front 4352 mAh 5G ready, Supports wireless charging, 120Hz refresh rate

[wandascosmic]

waiting at your backdoor (7)

wanda maximoff x fem!reader

part seven of 'you belong with me' series

summary: basically a wanda series inspired by jim and pam from the office

word count: 4352

tags: best friends to lovers, pining, reader loves wanda wanda's as oblivious as a rock, or maybe not?, angst, alcohol, drinking, drunk wanda, but wanda's a cute drunk, vision sucks, heavy vision sucks this chapter, but reader takes care of wanda so it's still cute, this chapter is certainly....something! (in a good surprising way), proofread but very lightly

taglist: @reginassweetheart @rroyale-109 @marvel-posts

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9

“So,” you drum your fingers on the ledge of Wanda’s desk. “Are you ready for the Shields?” you ask with a smile. 

“Ugh,” Wanda groans, putting her head back against her chair making you laugh. 

“That bad, huh?” 

Wand lifts her head, meeting your gaze. “You know what they say about a car wreck where it’s so awful you just can’t look away?

“Mhm,” you nod. 

“That’s how bad the Shields are, except this time, you want to look away, but you can’t because stupid Tony is making you,” Wanda groans again and puts her head into her arms. 

“Well,” you lean your chin onto your forearms to meet her line of sight. “I’m right there with you, Wanda,” you give her a comforting smile. “The whole night.” 

“Promise?” Wanda lifts her head up. 

You nod, grabbing a hold of her hand. “I promise.” 

***

Everyone dreaded the Shields, the annual employee awards night of Shield Industry Paper Company. 

However, the one person who didn’t abhor the infamous night was Tony himself. The emcee and host of the Shields. He would get drunk, make stupid comments and jokes every year, and make everyone regret they came despite not having a choice. 

What Shield Industry dreaded most of all were Tony’s jokes. Now, he was relatively laid back as a boss and let the majority of his employees do what they want, but a drunk Tony had absolutely no filter and on top of that, Tony’s sense of humor was incredibly limited. This meant every year someone had about a 25% chance of getting an award that didn’t hurt their feelings and the rest were just some sort of asshole comment that embarrassed an employee to no end. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Tony interrupts your conversation with Wanda about your plans for the weekend, his tone of voice making it evident that he was already looking forward to tonight’s awards. “How’s it going?” 

“I’m good, Tony,” you nod, widening your eyes playfully at the receptionist making her laugh. 

“Good, good,” Tony sighs with a smile. “So, Y/N! Why don’t you show off the Shields you’ve won the past few years? You’ve gotten some pretty good ones, huh?” You open your mouth to respond, but you don’t get the chance since Tony is already dragging you over to your desk. 

“Oh, I can’t because I keep them hidden,” you shrug. “I don’t wanna look at them and get cocky, you know?” 

Wanda chews on the end of her pen to suppress her laugh. 

“Oh, cool, that’s a good idea,” Tony remarks wistfully. 

“Mine are at home, in a display case above my bed,” Sam blurts out. 

“Sam, no one cares,” Tony deadpans. As he starts to walk back to his office, he shouts, “TMI!” 

You turn to Wanda, giving her a wink before getting back to work at your desk. 

Wanda shakes her head in amusement. 

***

Wanda would rather be anywhere but where she is right now. Tony has decided to make her look through hours of footage every single past Shield Awards to find highlights, as he’s taped every. Single. One. 

“For the ladies, hit it Sam!” TV Tony shouts, causing Sam to start playing the recorder. 

Wanda cringes as Tony starts singing and doing an awkward dance. She hears her name mentioned in the song and she desperately wants to shut the TV off and go bleach her eyes.

Halfway through the song, she finds solace when Thor sits right in front of the camera, the whole screen going black. 

Wanda turns her head to see you through the open door, watching her and quietly laughing at the audio you could hear on the TV. 

“Help me,” she mouthes at you, motioning her hands in front of her to emphasize her point.

You shake your head at her antics, laughing even more. 

***

Wanda had been watching the footage for the past two hours, only fighting a small amount of highlights that would offend people the least when Tony displayed it tonight. Wanda scans over the clips she found on the laptop in front of her, making sure there were as few offensive jokes as possible. Suddenly, the audio of the TV gets her attention, her head snapping up at the sound.  

Wanda frowns as she hears Tony’s voice on the TV. “And the Shield award for the longest engagement goes to…Wanda Maximoff! Whoo! When is that girl gonna get married?” TV Tony claps, his motions incredibly sloppy indicating how drunk he was that year. Wanda bites the inside of her cheek. “Ah, Vision’s accepting,” TV Tony continues as she sees Vision walk up to the stage to grab her award. “Thank you, Vision. Are there any words you’d like to say on Wanda’s behalf?” 

“Uh, we’ll see you next year,” Vision responds into the mic, grabbing the award out of Tony’s hand. 

“Yeah!’ Tony shouts on the screen. “Oh, hope not!” Tony laughs obnoxiously before continuing with the rest of the awards. 

You watch Wanda’s dejected look through the door as she gets back to work, having heard the audio on the TV and knowing how it made her feel. 

Slowly, you get up from your chair and make your way over to Tony’s office.

***

“I’m not changing that, it’s the best one,” Tony protests from behind his desk. 

“No, it’s hilarious,” you lie, standing up across from him. “You’re right. I just think, um, World’s Longest Engagement, um, we’re all expecting it, you know?” 

“That’s why it’s funny,” Tony retorts. “Every year that Wanda and Vision don’t get married it gets funnier,” he explains. 

You ponder for a moment. “Well, I think that if you use the same jokes every year it just comes across as lazy.” 

Tony’s mouth parts in shock. “Oh, lazy. Ok,” he nods. 

You smirk slightly. 

***

Wanda’s head snaps up when she feels a tap on her shoulder, her eyes widening in excitement when you smile at her, draping your black trench coat over the back of the chair next to her and sitting down to the left of your best friend. 

Vision narrows his eyes slightly as he watches you from Wanda’s other side.

“Has it started yet?” you ask her. 

“No, Sam’s still setting up the mic,” she responds, nodding over at Sam who toys slightly with the machinery of the microphone. 

A couple minutes pass, and soon, Sam’s voice reverberates through the restaurant known as Chili’s. 

“Before we get started a few announcements,” Sam speaks into the mic. “Keep your acceptance speeches short. I have wrap-it-up music, and I’m not afraid to use it, Bruce,” he singles out. 

Sam’s about to continue, but is quickly interrupted by the sound of Tony’s voice as he runs out of the hallway he was hiding in. 

“Whoo!” he shouts with his fists up. “Who’s ready for the Shield awards, yeah!” 

You snicker as Tony makes his way over to the stage, Sam handing him the mic as he gets started.

“Alright, everyone,” Tony takes off his jacket to reveal his tuxedo. “Thank you all for coming, and welcome to the 2005 annual Shield Awards!” 

You all clap in response. 

“I am your host, Tony Stark, who’s ready to get this party started!” Tony cheers for himself, and you quickly notice his already intoxicated state. “So, quick warning, everyone, please, please do not drink and drive,” he pauses. “Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink,” he laughs loudly at his joke. 

“Good one, Tony!” Sam answers. 

“Thank you, Sam,” Tony points a finger at Sam. “All right, so! Last night, I was on a hot date with a girl from HR,” he continues. 

“We don’t have any girls in HR,” Sam responds. 

“Shut it, Sam, it’s for the sake of the story,” he retorts. “And things were getting hot and heavy,” he continues, letting out a small laugh. “And, uh, I was about to take her bra off, when she had me fill out six hours worth of paperwork,” Tony grins as he finishes his joke. 

“Like an AIDS test?” Sam asks seriously. 

“No, Sam,” Tony trails off. “God.” 

Sam’s brows furrow in confusion. 

“Alright! Let’s get started, everyone!” Tony shouts, stepping off stage to take another swig of his drink. 

You and Wanda share a look, wary about the chaos about to occur at the hands of Tony Stark. Somehow, every year Tony’s jokes just got worse and worse. 

Suddenly, Wanda’s head perks up as she notices Vision being tapped on the shoulder by one of his co-workers, T’Challa.

“Hey, let’s go to Poor Richard’s,” T’Challa tells Vision. Poor Richard’s was the local dive bar in Scranton. 

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” Vision scoffs, getting up and swinging his jacket over his shoulders to put it on. 

“Um...” Wanda starts, but Vision doesn’t hear her. 

“Guys, where are you going?” Tony asks on stage, noticing the two figures starting to leave. “Wanda, the show’s just getting started,” he says with furrowed brows. 

“Sorry,” Wanda apologizes softly, Vision and T’Challa already heading out the door. 

You frown, rubbing the side of her arm gently. 

Wanda sighs softly, twirling the straw of her drink absentmindedly. 

“Alright, whatever,” Tony continues. Grabbing the first award of the night, a small gold trophy with a shield displayed on top of a platform, Tony announces, “And the Busiest Beaver award this year goes to…Natasha Romanoff! That lady never stops working, am I right?” he laughs into the mic. 

Natasha walks up to the stage, taking the award and shaking Tony’s hand before heading back to her chair. 

Okay, so that wasn’t that bad. Maybe this year will be different, you think to yourself. Usually, every time there’s a Shield award ceremony people stay angry at Tony for at least a week, typically showcasing their anger passive-aggressively to prevent themselves from getting fired. 

“Hey,” Wanda murmurs, getting your attention. “I’m gonna go see if I can convince Vis to stay since they haven’t left yet,” she points to the two figures outside their car through the glass of the sliding doors. 

“Okay,” you nod, giving her a reassuring smile. 

Wanda barely hears it though, as she’s already out of her chair to go after her fiance. 

***

“Because that’s what happens every time!” Wanda shouts at Vision, unsure of how she ended up in this position so quickly. 

“No, Wanda! He’s a jackass every year!” Vision shouts back, continuing to walk towards their car, rolling his eyes at the girl next to him. 

“No-” Wanda starts, running after him. 

“Just stop, we’re going to Poor Richard’s, come on!” Vision interrupts, grabbing her arm and starting to drag her to the car. 

“No, I don’t want to go, Vision!” Wanda protests, trying to get her arm out of his grip, only for him to ignore her and continue to pull her towards the car. “Stop no, I don’t want to go!” she shouts finally as she frees her arm.  

“Wanda, no!” Vision yells as she starts to walk back to the restaurant. 

“No, if you would’ve asked me then you would know!” she shouts back at him, leaving him in the parking lot. 

Vision scoffs as he gets into his car, leaving his fiance as he drives off to Poor Richard’s. 

***

“Hey,” you say, surprised to see Wanda came back as she sits down next to you. “I thought you left?” 

“Um, no, I just– I decided to stay,” Wanda responds. 

“Oh,” you say, happy that your best friend would be spending some extra time with you today, despite the unfortunate circumstances. 

“Yeah, I’ll just get a ride home from Nat,” she says, grabbing a fry from the plate of food in front of you, and popping it into her mouth as she drapes her coat over the back of her chair. 

“Sounds good,” you say, turning around to make sure Nat was still here to drive her home. 

Once you turn back around, your eyes widen slightly as you see Wanda steal your large mug of beer. As she takes a sip, you nearly laugh at the fact that her hand was only half the size of the mug. 

“Can I get a drink?” Wanda asks the waiter beside her. 

***

You were keeping a watchful eye on Wanda. It had only been about 5 minutes and the mug of beer she had stolen from you was already half-empty, and you could tell that it was starting to take effect. 

“Alright, everyone!” Tony announces, his words slurring together as he tries to coherently award the next recipient. “This next award goes out to somebody who reallyyyy lights up the office.” 

You watch Wanda’s excited expression out of the corner of your eye, her eyes lighting up along with a large grin as she takes another sip of your beer. Well, it might as well be hers now since she hasn’t given it back to you. 

You shake your head in amusement at her antics. 

“Somebody, who I think, a lot of us can’t keep from checking out,” Tony says with a smirk. “The Hottest in the Office award goes to, Mr. Peter Parker, the intern!” 

You chuckle once you see Wanda’s mouth open in shock as if the best surprise of her life was just revealed. 

Then, you turn to see Peter’s shy expression, unsure of what to do as he goes up to the stage to accept his award. 

“Here you go, Parker,” Tony says as he hands Peter his award, stumbling a little as Peter grabs it tensely before heading back to his chair, a very visible blush on his cheeks. “How about that one, huh!” 

You watch with a raised brow as Tony laughs hysterically to himself on stage before continuing with the awards.

*** Now, in the past few years, you’ve seen Wanda drunk quite a few times, but not this much.

And it might be one of the cutest versions of her you’ve ever seen.  

She’s currently laughing at a joke you’ve made, two drinks side-by-side as she takes turns sipping from each one. 

However, you’re worried that Wanda might be a little too drunk. 

“I think those might be empty,” you say with a smile as her empty drinks make a loud slurping sound as she tries her best to suck out the alcohol while still laughing. 

Wanda grins at you. “No, ‘cause the ice melts, and then it’s like second drink!” She continues to laugh as she takes another sip of her margarita. 

“Second drink?” you say incredulously with a laugh. 

Wanda nods with a proud smile. 

***

You didn’t know what to say. 

Somehow, Tony was now singing a rendition of Elton John’s ‘Tiny Dancer’ while dancing…subparly. 

But, the night was a success since Wanda seemed to be enjoying it when you looked over at her and she had a happy grin on her face. 

However, it could very possibly be the enormous amount of alcohol she had been consuming tonight.

“Are you gonna finish that?” Wanda asks you while pointing at the new drink you had ordered after she had stolen your beer. 

“Maximoff, you might be a bit too drunk,” you tell her gently. 

But you relent once Wanda crosses her arms over her chest with a small pout. 

Sighing, you slowly slide your drink over to her, and–

And Wanda kisses your cheek in return. 

It’s not the first time, but it never fails to awaken all the butterflies in your stomach. 

You blush slightly, deciding to distract yourself from the green-eyed woman in front of you by taking a bite of your fry. 

“You suck, man!” your head snaps up at the new voice, and you frown once you see a male customer in the restaurant start to throw their food at Tony, most likely frustrated with the noise the award ceremony was making. 

“Go home!” Another one of his friends yells at Tony, throwing his hamburger at him. 

You see Wanda frown as well. 

“What do we do?” you hear Sam mutter to Tony by the sound control booth. 

“Let’s cut it,” Tony answers quietly. “Um,” he clears his throat. “I had a few more Shields to give out tonight, but I’m just gonna cut it short.” Tony looks down at his feet. “Yeah, so we’ll do this quickly, then everybody can enjoy their food. Um, thanks for listening, those of you who did.” 

The employees stay silent as Tony picks up the next Shield-shaped award. 

Tony clears his throat. “So, this next Shield is for Jennifer, it’s the ‘Grace Under Fire’ award, because even though she has a cousin with anger issues, somehow she always manages to stay calm, so, good job.” 

Jennifer gives a tight-lipped smile as she goes up to the stage and accepts the award, shaking Tony’s hand, however, you can’t help but notice Tony’s dejected expression. 

It seems Wanda does too, as she begins cheering. “Yay, Jennifer for having an angry cousin!” she says as she begins to clap. 

“Yeah, all right, Jennifer!” you join in, starting to clap as well, and you two grin at each other once the rest of the office joins in. 

“Hey, we haven’t gotten one yet!” Wanda says to Tony while pointing at the two of you. 

“Yes, we have not,” you say with a smile. “So, keep going!” 

“Yeah, more Shields!” Wanda cheers. 

Tony’s posture lightens once the office begins to chant. “Shields. Shields. Shields,” you all chant with a clap. 

“All right, we’ll keep it going,” Tony says, starting to lighten up a bit. “Okay, this is the Fine Work Award, and this goes to, Clint! For all the fine work he did this year.” 

“Speech, speech, speech!” someone chants as Clint goes up to the stage. 

“Um, I don’t know what to say,” Clint chuckles as he grabs the award and the microphone. “Last year I got Great Work, so I guess I’m upgrading!” he finishes. 

Now you know Wanda’s really drunk when she lets out a hysterical laugh at Clint’s speech. 

“Maximoff, you’re drunk,” you whisper with an endearing smile as you watch her. 

“I know,” she grins back. 

“Alright everyone,” Tony announces. “This next award goes out to our own little Wanda Maximoff.” Your head snaps up immediately. “I think we all know what award she’s getting this year, yeah?” 

Yours and Wanda’s smile drops. 

“Drum roll please,” Tony says with a grin, and Sam plays a drum roll effect. “Wanda Maximoff…” Your heart starts to beat in your chest because you do not want this night ruined any more for Wanda. “You are the recipient of the Whitest Sneakers award!” You sigh in relief before smiling. “Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on, come on up here!” 

Now, you’re sure you would pay millions to see Wanda’s expression in this moment over and over again. 

She grins the biggest, drunkest smile you’ve ever seen, and her hands fly to her face and she looks at you disbelievingly. 

You nod your head in Tony’s direction, silently instructing her to go grab the award as you clap for her along with the rest of the office. Wanda basically skips up to the stage in excitement, grabbing the award and Tony’s mic all in one go. 

“Ooh, here we go,” Tony says into the mic once it’s in Wanda’s hands. 

“I have so many people to thank for this award!” Wanda says through her disbelieving laugh with an enormous grin on her face. 

You put both your hands on your mouth to suppress your laughter at her expression. 

“Okay,” Wanda continues with a smile. “So first off, I’d like to thank my Keds,” Wanda points to her shoes. “Because, I couldn’t have done it without them.” 

You all clap and cheer in response. 

“Let’s also give Tony a round of applause for emceeing tonight, because this is a lot harder than it looks,” Wanda’s words start to slur together quite a bit as you notice her feeling the effects of the alcohol a lot more. “And also because of Sam too.” Wanda points to Sam behind the sound booth. 

You all clap once more before Wanda continues. 

“And finally, I want to thank God, because God gave me this Shield.” You look at her with an amused smile as she hoists her award in the air with a serious expression. “And I feel God, in this Chili’s tonight, so thank you, everyone!” Wanda finishes as she bows on stage.  

“Alright, Wanda Maximoff, everyone!” Tony says as she hands the mic back to him, and you stand up to pull her chair out for her since she’s quite disoriented at the moment. 

“Chair?” you ask Wanda amusingly as she runs happily towards you. 

She shakes her head no with a smile before wrapping her arms around you and hugging you tightly, starting to laugh in your ear. 

You reciprocate her hug happily before she starts to pull away. 

However, to your surprise, she doesn’t pull away completely. 

Instead—

Instead she kisses you. 

And her lips are the softest, most gentle lips you’ve ever felt in your life. 

Wanda Maximoff—

Wanda Maximoff was finally kissing you. 

After 7 years. 

But she’s drunk. 

But then Wanda pulls away entirely, and she sits down with a sigh like nothing’s happened. 

You follow her movement, sitting down in your chair across from her with a sigh as well. 

***

“So, Y/N, what did you think of the Shields this year?” Nat asks as she sits down at the table along with you and Wanda. 

You nod, trying your best to ignore your heart that was still racing after Wanda kissed you only a few minutes ago. “It was great! Um, we got to see Tony’s dance moves once more,” you recall the moments one after the other. “We learned Tony’s true feelings for Peter, which was quite touching, and we heard Tony change the lyrics to a number of classic songs,” you finish with a convincing smile, trying to hide your reaction to the fact that the girl you’ve been in love for as long as you can remember just. Fucking. Kissed you. 

“Well, we can only hope for even better next year," Nat replies, leaving you and Wanda on your own. “Hey, Wanda, I’ll meet you by my car later, alright?” 

Wanda nods at Nat before she leaves, and you turn your head to see that Wanda has turned in her chair next to you to face you completely. 

“What?” you ask Wanda with a small smile as she stares at you intensely.  

“Nothing,” she replies with a shrug. 

“Okay,” you laugh as you pop a corn nut into your mouth. 

“What?” she repeats back to you with a laugh. 

“I don’t know, what?” you turn to face her with a chuckle, and she starts to laugh even harder. 

“Oh, my god!” you exclaim as suddenly, Wanda falls off her chair completely, now laughing hysterically on the ground. “You are, so drunk, you know that?” You tell her with a laugh as you grab her hands to help her stand up once more.

***

“This was the best Shields ever!” Wanda exclaims to you before bouncing out of the restaurant and well into the street. 

“Whoa, whoa, careful,” you tell her, pulling her back slightly so she’s on the sidewalk once more. “C’mon, Maximoff.” You lead her to the nearest park bench as you wait for Nat to finish up inside. 

“Thanks for watching me tonight,” she tells you as you both sit down next to each other, you guiding her since she could barely walk straight at this point. 

“Of course,” you reply easily, however, you freeze as Wanda then leans her head on your shoulder.

“You’re really comfortable,” she mumbles drowsily after a moment, starting to snuggle into you. 

“Might be my jacket,” you tell her gently. 

“No,” Wanda shakes her head against your shoulder. “You’ve just always made me feel really comfortable.” 

You and Wanda sit in silence for a bit as you wait for Nat, and you try your best to calm down the flurry of emotions running through you. 

 “Oh, here she is,” you say as Nat’s car pulls up in front of you both. 

Wanda stands up a bit too quickly and you catch her as she sways slightly. “Careful,” you say, guiding her towards the car. 

Wanda giggles as she follows you to the passenger side, and you want to laugh at how quickly her emotions have changed. “Alright, almost there,” you say gently as you walk around the front of Nat’s car to the passenger side. 

“Hey,” Wanda says as she stops in her place right in front of the car, making you stop as well and face her. “Um, can I ask you a question?” 

You tilt your head slightly at her nervous expression, twisting the rings on her fingers slightly. “Sure,” you say, giving her a friendly smile. 

You see a slight bit of fear in her eyes, and your smile falls. “Um, I just wanted to say thanks….again,” she finishes. 

“That’s not really a question,” you joke, making her laugh. Deciding not to engage in the awkward exchange, you start to lead her towards the passenger door. “Okay, let’s get you home, pronto.” 

Wanda’s expression calms down, and she gives you a grateful smile once you open the door for her. You’re sure your heart might explode tonight when she hugs you once more before sitting down in the car seat. “Good night, Y/N,” she says gently. 

“Have a good night, Wanda,” you reply with a small smile as you close the door slightly. “Thanks, Nat,” you say into the car and Nat gives you a thumbs up before you shut the door completely.  

The two of them then drive off quickly, and you watch the accelerating car with a smile as you remember the feeling of a gorgeous green-eyed brunette's lips on yours tonight. 

But your smile quickly falls, as you realize that she was going home tonight to someone who had already stolen her heart. 

part 8

[hopelesslys-world]

50 SHADES OF FUCKED UP | CH. 2

TRIGGER WARNINGS!: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, reader is kind of a bimbo, heavily detailed smut, basically porn, loss of virginity, harsh language, anger issues, stalking, obsession, jealousy, controlling behaviour, DOM-SUB themes, BDSM Expand considered to be portrayed with incorrect/poor etiquette, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse/assault, statutory rape.

Tell me if I missed anything...( As you can see most of the warnings will appear in future chapters. )

I apologize for any grammar mistakes...

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

Y/M/N: Your Middle Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

*𝘾𝙃𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘼𝙉'𝙎 𝙋𝙊𝙑*

┅┅

𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋. Was all I could focus on as soon as the elevator doors closed and she disappeared.

“Andrea,” I bark as I return to my office. “Get me Welch on the line, now.”

As I sit at my desk and wait for the call.

I look at the paintings on the wall of my office and Miss Y/L/N’s words drift back to me. “Raising the ordinary to extraordinary.” She could so easily have been describing herself.

My phone buzzes. “I have Mr. Welch on the line for you.”

“Put him through.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Welch, I need a background check.”

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•••

Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N

DOB: ( The Month and day you were born ). 1989, Montesano, WA

Address: 1114 SW Green Street, Apartment 7, Haven Heights, Vancouver, WA 98888

Mobile No: 360-959-4352

Social Security No: 987-65-4320

Bank: Wells Fargo Bank, Vancouver, WA:

Acct. No.: 309361: $683.16 balance

Occupation: Undergraduate Student WSU Vancouver College of Arts and Sciences English Major

GPA: 4.0

Prior Education: Montesano Jr. Sr. High School

SAT Score: 2150

Employment: Clayton’s Hardware Store, NW Vancouver Drive, Portland, OR (part-time)

Father: Franklin A. Lambert, DOB: Sept. 1, 1969, Deceased (The day before your birthday), 1989

Mother: Carla May Wilks Adams,

DOB: July 18, 1970

m. Frank Lambert March 1, 1989,

widowed (The day before your birthday), 1989

m. Raymond Y/L/N June 6, 1990,

divorced July 12, 2006

m. Stephen M. Morton Aug. 16, 2006,

divorced Jan. 31, 2007

Current Marriage Situation: m. Bob Adams April 6, 2009

Political Affiliations: None Found

Religious Affiliations: None Found

Sexual Orientation: Not Known

Relationships: None Indicated at Present

•••

I pore over the executive summary for the hundredth time since I received it two days ago, looking for some insight into the enigmatic Miss Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. I cannot get the damned woman out of my mind, and it’s seriously beginning to piss me off.

This past week, during particularly dull meetings, I’ve found myself replaying the interview in my head. Her fumbling fingers on the recorder, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the lip biting. Yes. The lip biting gets me every time.

And now here I am, parked outside Clayton’s, a mom-and-pop hardware store on the outskirts of Portland where she works.

You’re a fool, Grey. Why are you here?

I knew it would lead to this. All week…I knew I’d have to see her again. I’d known it since she uttered my name in the elevator. I’d tried to resist. I’d waited five days, five tedious days, to see if I’d forget about her. And I don’t do waiting. I hate waiting…for anything.

I’ve never pursued a woman before. The women I’ve had understood what I expected of them. My fear now is that Miss Y/L/N is just too young and that she won’t be interested in what I have to offer.

Will she? Will she even make a good submissive?

I shake my head. So here I am, an ass, sitting in a suburban parking lot in a dreary part of Portland. Her background check has produced nothing remarkable—except the last fact, which has been atthe forefront of my mind.

It’s the reason I’m here.

Why no boyfriend, Miss Y/L/N? Sexual orientation unknown—perhaps she’s gay. I snort, thinking that unlikely. I recall the question she asked during the interview, her acute embarrassment, the way her skin flushed a pale rose…I’ve been suffering from these lascivious thoughts since I met her.

That’s why you’re here. I’m itching to see her again—those eyes have haunted me, even in my dreams.

I haven’t mentioned her to Flynn, and I’m glad because I’m now behaving like a stalker. Perhaps I should let him know. No. I don’t want him hounding me about his latest solution-based-therapy shit.

I just need a distraction, and right now the only distraction I want is the one working as a salesclerk in a hardware store.

You’ve come all this way.

Let’s see if little Miss Y/L/N is as appealing as I remember.

Showtime, Grey.

A bell chimes a flat electronic note as I walk into the store. It’s much bigger than it looks from the outside, and although it’s almost lunchtime the place is quiet, for a Saturday. There are aisles and aisles of the usual junk you’d expect.

I’d forgotten the possibilities that a hardware store could present to someone like me. I mainly shop online for my needs, but while I’m here, maybe I’ll stock up on a few items: Velcro, split rings—Yeah. I’ll find the delectable Miss Y/L/N and have some fun.

It takes me all of three seconds to spot her. She’s hunched over the counter, staring intently at a computer screen and picking at her lunch—a bagel. Absentmindedly, she wipes a crumb from the corner of her lips and into her mouth and sucks on her finger.

My cock twitches in response.

What am I, fourteen? My body’s reaction is irritating. Maybe this will stop if I fetter, fuck, and flog her…and not necessarily in that order. Yeah. That’s what I need.

She is thoroughly absorbed by her task, and it gives me an opportunity to study her. Salacious thoughts aside, she’s attractive, seriously attractive. I’ve remembered her well.

She looks up and freezes. It’s as unnerving as the first time I met her. She pins me with a discerning stare—shocked, I think—and I don’t know if this is a good response or a bad response.

“Miss Y/L/N. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Mr. Grey,” she says, breathy and flustered. Ah, a good response.

“I was in the area. I need to stock up on a few things. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” A real pleasure.

She’s dressed in a tight T-shirt and pants, kind of disappointing, earlier this week all she wore was flattering mini skirts and sweaters.

She’s all long legs, narrow waist, and perfect tits. Her lips are still parted in surprise, and I have to resist the urge to tip her chin up and close her mouth.

I’ve flown from Seattle just to see you, and the way you look right now, it was really worth the journey.

“Y/N. My name’s Y/N. What can I help you with, Mr. Grey?” She takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders like she did in the interview, and gives me a fake smile that I’m sure she reserves for customers.

Game on, Miss Y/L/N. “There are a few items I need. To start with, I’d like some cable ties.” My request catches her off guard; she looks stunned.

Oh, this is going to be fun. You’d be amazed what I can do with a few cable ties, baby.

“We stock various lengths. Shall I show you?” she says, finding her voice.

“Please. Lead the way.”

She steps out from behind the counter and gestures toward one of the aisles. She’s wearing Converse shoes.

Idly I wonder what she’d look like in skyscraper heels. Louboutins…nothing but Louboutins.

“They’re with the electrical goods, aisle eight.” Her voice wavers and she blushes…

She is affected by me. Hope blooms in my chest. She’s not gay, then. I smirk.

“After you.” I hold my hand out for her to lead the way. Letting her walk ahead gives me the space and time to admire her fantastic ass. Her long, thick hair keeps time like a metronome to the gentle sway of her hips. She really is the whole package: sweet, polite, and beautiful, with all the physical attributes I value in a submissive.

But the million-dollar question is, could she be a submissive? She probably knows nothing of the lifestyle—my lifestyle—but I very much want to introduce her to it. You are getting way ahead of yourself on this deal, Grey.

“Are you in Portland on business?” she asks, interrupting my thoughts. Her voice is high; she’s feigning disinterest. It makes me want to laugh. Women rarely make me laugh.

“I was visiting the WSU farming division. It’s based in Vancouver,” I lie. Actually, I’m here to see you, Miss Y/L/N.

Her face falls, and I feel like a shit.

“I’m currently funding some research there in crop rotation and soil science.” That, at least, is true.

“All part of your feed-the-world plan?” She arches a brow, amused.

“Something like that,” I mutter. Is she laughing at me? Oh, I’d love to put a stop to that if she is.

But how to start? Maybe with dinner, rather than the usual interview…now, that would be novel: taking a prospect out to dinner.

We arrive at the cable ties, which are arranged in an assortment of lengths and colors. Absentmindedly, my fingers trace over the packets. I could just ask her out for dinner. Like on a date?

Would she accept? When I glance at her she’s examining her knotted fingers. She can’t look at me… this is promising. I select the longer ties. They are more flexible, after all, as they can accommodate two ankles and two wrists at once.

“These will do.”

“Is there anything else?” she says quickly—either she’s being super-attentive or she wants to get me out of the store, I don’t know which.

“I’d like some masking tape.”

“Are you redecorating?”

“No, not redecorating.” Oh, if you only knew…

“This way,” she says. “Masking tape is in the decorating aisle.”

Come on, Grey. You don’t have much time. Engage her in some conversation. “Have you worked here long?” Of course, I already know the answer. Unlike some people, I do my research. For some reason she’s embarrassed.

Fuck, this girl is shy. I don’t have a hope in hell. She turns quickly andwalks down the aisle toward the section labeled Decorating. I follow her eagerly, like a puppy.

“Four years,” she mumbles as we reach the masking tape. She bends down and grasps two rolls, each a different width.

“I’ll take that one.” The wider tape is much more effective as a gag. As she passes it to me, the tips of our fingers touch, briefly. It resonates in my groin. Damn!

She pales. “Anything else?” Her voice is soft and husky.

I’m having the same effect on her that she has on me. Maybe… “Some rope, I think.”

“This way.” She scoots up the aisle, giving me another chance to appreciate her fine ass.

“What sort were you after? We have synthetic and natural filament rope…twine…cable cord…”

Shit—stop. I groan inwardly, trying to chase away the image of her suspended from the ceiling in my playroom. “I’ll take five yards of the natural filament rope, please.” It’s coarser and chafes more if you struggle against it…my rope of choice.

A tremor runs through her fingers, but she measures out five yards like a pro. Pulling a utility knife from her right pocket, she cuts the rope in one swift gesture, coils it neatly, and ties it off with a slipknot. Impressive.

“Were you a Girl Scout?”

“Organized group activities aren’t really my thing, Mr. Grey.”

“What is your thing, Y/N?” Her pupils dilate as I stare.

Yes!

“Books,” she answers.

“What kind of books?”

“Oh, you know. The usual. The classics. British literature, mainly.”

British literature? The Brontës and Austen, I bet. All those romantic hearts-and-flowers types.

That’s not good.

“Anything else you need?”

“I don’t know. What else would you recommend?” I want to see her reaction.

“For a do-it-yourselfer?” she asks, surprised.

I want to hoot with laughter. Oh, baby, DIY is not my thing. I nod, stifling my mirth. Her eyes flick down my body and I tense. She’s checking me out!

“Coveralls,” she blurts out.

It’s the most unexpected thing I’ve heard her say since the “Are you gay?” question.

“You wouldn’t want to ruin your clothing.” She gestures to my jeans.

I can’t resist. “I could always take them off.”

“Um.” She flushes beet red and stares down.

I put her out of her misery. “I’ll take some coveralls. Heaven forbid I should ruin any clothing.”

Without a word, she turns and walks briskly up the aisle, and I follow in her enticing wake. “Do you need anything else?” she says, sounding breathless as she hands me a pair of blue coveralls. She’s mortified, eyes still cast down. Christ, she does things to me.

“How’s the article coming along?” I ask, in the hope she might relax a little.

She looks up and gives me a brief relieved smile.

Finally.

“I’m not writing it, Bella is. Miss Clark. My roommate, she’s the writer. She’s very happy with it. She’s the editor of the newspaper, and she was devastated that she couldn’t do the interview in person.”

It’s the longest sentence she’s uttered since we first met, and she’s talking about someone else, not herself. Interesting.

Before I can comment, she adds, “Her only concern is that she doesn’t have any original photographs of you.”

The tenacious Miss Clark wants photographs. Publicity stills, eh? I can do that. It will allow me to spend time with the delectable Miss Y/L/N.

“What sort of photographs does she want?”

She gazes at me for a moment, then shakes her head, perplexed, not knowing what to say.

“Well, I’m around. Tomorrow, perhaps…” I can stay in Portland. Work from a hotel. A room at The Heathman, perhaps. I’ll need Taylor to come down, bring my laptop and some clothes. Or Elliot —unless he’s screwing around, which is his usual thing to do over the weekend.

“You’d be willing to do a photo shoot?” She cannot contain her surprise.

I give her a brief nod. Yeah, I want to spend more time with you… Steady, Grey.

“Bella will be delighted—if we can find a photographer.” She smiles and her face lights up like a cloudless dawn. She’s breathtaking.

“Let me know about tomorrow.” I pull my wallet from my jeans. “My card. It has my cell number on it. You’ll need to call before ten in the morning.” And if she doesn’t, I’ll head on back to Seattle and forget about this stupid venture.

The thought depresses me.

“Okay.” She continues to grin.

“Y/N!” We both turn as a young man dressed in casual designer gear appears at the far end of the aisle. His eyes are all over Miss Y/N Y/L/N. Who the hell is this prick?

“Er, excuse me for a moment, Mr. Grey.” She walks toward him, and the asshole engulfs her in a gorilla-like hug. My blood runs cold. It’s a primal response.

Get your fucking paws off her.

I fist my hands when she returns his hug.

They fall into a whispered conversation. Maybe Welch’s facts were wrong. Maybe this guy is her boyfriend. He looks the right age, and he can’t take his greedy little eyes off her. He holds her for a moment at arm’s length, examining her, then stands with his arm resting on her shoulder. It seems like a casual gesture, but I know he’s staking a claim and telling me to back off. She seems embarrassed, shifting from foot to foot.

Shit. I should go. I’ve overplayed my hand. She’s with this guy.

Then she says something else to him and moves out of his reach, touching his arm, not his hand, shrugging him off. It’s clear they aren’t close.

Good.

“Er…Paul, this is Christian Grey. Mr. Grey, this is Paul Clayton. His brother owns the place.”

She gives me an odd look that I don’t understand and continues, “I’ve known Paul ever since I’ve worked here, though we don’t see each other that often. He’s back from Princeton, where he’s studying business administration.” She’s babbling, giving me a long explanation and telling me they’re not together, I think.

The boss’s brother, not a boyfriend. I’m relieved, but the extent of the relief I feel is unexpected, and it makes me frown. This woman has really gotten under my skin.

“Mr. Clayton.” My tone is deliberately clipped.

“Mr. Grey.” His handshake is limp, like his hair. Asshole. “Wait up—not the Christian Grey? Of Grey Enterprises Holdings?”

Yeah, that’s me, you prick.

In a heartbeat I watch him morph from territorial to obsequious.

“Wow���is there anything I can get you?”

“Y/N has it covered, Mr. Clayton. She’s been very attentive.” Now fuck off.

“Cool,” he gushes, all white teeth and deferential. “Catch you later, Y/N/N.”

“Sure, Paul,” she says, and he ambles off to the back of the store. I watch him disappear.

“Anything else, Mr. Grey?”

“Just these items,” I mutter. Shit, I’m out of time, and I still don’t know if I’m going to see her again. I have to know whether there’s a hope in hell she might consider what I have in mind.

How can I ask her? Am I ready to take on a submissive who knows nothing? She’s going to need substantial training. Closing my eyes, I imagine the interesting possibilities this presents…getting there is going to be half the fun. Will she even be up for this? Or do I have it all wrong?

She walks back to the cashier’s counter and rings up my purchases, all the while keeping her eyes on the register.

Look at me, damn it! I want to see her face again and gauge what she’s thinking.

Finally she raises her head. “That will be forty-three dollars, please.”

Is that all?

“Would you like a bag?” she asks, as I pass her my AmEx.

“Please, Y/N.” Her name—a beautiful name for a beautiful girl—flows smoothly over my tongue.

She packs the items briskly. This is it. I have to go.

“You’ll call me if you want me to do the photo shoot?”

She nods as she hands back my charge card.

“Good. Until tomorrow, perhaps.” I can’t just leave.

I have to let her know I’m interested.

“Oh— and Y/N I’m glad Miss Clark couldn’t do the interview.” She looks surprised and flattered. This is good. I sling the bag over my shoulder and exit the store.

Yes, against my better judgment, I want her. Now I have to wait…fucking wait…again. Utilizing willpower that would make Elena proud, I keep my eyes ahead as I take my cell out of my pocket and climb into the rental car. I’m deliberately not looking back at her. I’m not. I’m not. My eyes flick to the rearview mirror, where I can see the shop door, but all I see is the quaint storefront. She’s not in the window, staring out at me.

It’s disappointing.

I press 1 on speed dial and Taylor answers before the phone has a chance to ring.

“Mr. Grey,” he says.

“Make reservations at The Heathman; I’m staying in Portland this weekend, and can you bring down the SUV, my computer, and the paperwork beneath it, and a change or two of clothes.”

“Yes, sir. And Charlie Tango?”

“Have Joe move her to PDX.”

“Will do, sir. I’ll be with you in about three and a half hours.”

I hang up and start the car. So I have a few hours in Portland while I wait to see if this girl is interested in me. What to do? Time for a hike, I think. Maybe I can walk this strange hunger out of my system.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's been five hours with no phone call from the delectable Miss Y/L/N. What the hell was thinking? I watch the street from the window of my suite at The Heathman. I loathe waiting. I always have.

The weather, now cloudy, held for my hike through Forest Park, but the walk has done nothing to cure my agitation. I’m annoyed at her for not phoning, but mostly I’m angry with myself.

I’m a fool for being here. What a waste of time it’s been chasing this woman. When have I ever chased a woman?

Grey, get a grip.

Sighing, I check my phone once again in the hope that I’ve just missed her call, but there’s nothing. At least Taylor has arrived and I have all my shit. I have Barney’s report on his department’s graphene tests to read and I can work in peace.

Peace? I haven’t known peace since Miss Y/L/N walked into my office.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When I glance up, dusk has shrouded my suite in gray shadows. The prospect of a night alone again is depressing. While I contemplate what to do my phone vibrates against the polished wood of the desk and an unknown but vaguely familiar number with a Washington area code flashes on the screen.

Suddenly my heart is pumping as if I’ve run ten miles.

Is it her?

I answer.

“Er…Mr. Grey? It’s Y/N Y/L/N.”

My face erupts in a shit-eating grin.

Well, well. A breathy, nervous, soft-spoken Miss Y//L/N. My evening is looking up. “Miss Y/L/N. How nice to hear from you.” I hear her breath hitch and the sound travels directly tomy groin.

Great. I’m affecting her. Like she’s affecting me.

“Um—we’d like to go ahead with the photo shoot for the article. Tomorrow, if that’s okay. Where would be convenient for you, sir?”

In my room. Just you, me, and the cable ties.

“I’m staying at The Heathman in Portland. Shall we say nine thirty tomorrow morning?”

“Okay, we’ll see you there,” she gushes, unable to hide the relief and delight in her voice.

“I look forward to it, Miss Y/L/N” I hang up before she senses my excitement and how pleased I am. Leaning back in my chair, I gaze at the darkening skyline and run both my hands through my hair.

How the hell am I going to close this deal?

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[ series masterlist ]

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPAM WITH LIKES AND COMMENTS. I WOULD ALSO APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD REBLOG THIS POST <3

[owltrifecta]

parabola. The plane doesn't crash. It doesn't save them. A no-crash au with a psychological horror twist. Gen, ensemble cast, oneshot, 4352 words. Rated T.

Above the clouds, the sun is high and bright. Shauna's face is warm. Jackie is dead on the seat beside her. Her skin is the blue-grey color of morning fog, her eyelashes painted with frost. Ice clings to her hair and clothes. Her fingers are blackened at the tips. She's fully leaned against Shauna but her body is light, hollowed out. Shauna imagines cracking her open and finding nothing but snow inside. Her face is peaceful, empty, waxen. Shauna lurches away. Jackie slumps. An ear, putrid and grey, falls onto the floor. Shauna screams. [...] "Is something the matter, miss?" the attendant asks. Shauna swallows, and looks back to Jackie. She's warm and breathing, still deep in a drug-induced sleep.

[bisonaari]

Wait my spotify wrapped says that I've listened to this goof for 4352 minutes, but I listen to most of my music offline on my phone, so it must be a bit more, let's check th-

… oh

[sexylonestar]

Sock # 4352

[oneterabyteofkilobyteage]

original url http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/4352/ last modified 2007-11-11 09:05:32

[depressionmeal]

Depression meal 4352

Spoonfuls of parmesan cheese.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

That Which Binds Us

by bewaretheboojum On a windy night, Dick hears the new foster in Wayne Territory whimpering in fear of the wild storms rocking the Manor. When he goes to reassure the young boy, he learns a secret that bonds them together. Written for DickTimWeek 2024 Day 2 - Possessiveness; Day 3 Protective Rage; Day 5 Truth Serum; Day 6 Soulmate The rest of the chapters will go up throughout the week! Words: 4352, Chapters: 1/4, Language: English Fandoms: Nightwing (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics), Batman (Comics) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd, Kate Kane (DCU), Duke Thomas Relationships: Tim Drake/Dick Grayson Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Demons, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Kissing via https://ift.tt/plN5wmi

[landoom]

F1 FANFICS REC LIST - Crossdressing & Lingerie Part II

my guy’s pretty like a girl (5695 words) by miamis Rating: Explicit Relationships: Oscar Piastri/Logan Sargeant Summary: “You look good, princess,” Oscar whispers, leaving a wet kiss on the side of Logan’s neck. “All dressed up for me,” trailing one hand down Logan’s front, he stops at the edge of the lace poking out above his sweats, “you got matching panties, too?” “‘Course I did,” Logan says, a bit teasing, reaching for Oscar’s hand. “Wanted to look pretty for you when you got back.”

oOoOoOo

abracadabra (5355 words) by saintsainz Rating: Explicit Relationships: Lando Norris/Daniel Ricciardo Summary: “You saw them.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Daniel says, because it’s the truth. For a moment. Then the memory floods Daniel’s veins with hot embarrassment. Oh, yeah. Bright fluorescent yellow.

oOoOoOo

baby, the stars shine so bright (4963words) by pipitass

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Lando Norris/Oscar Piastri Summary:

The bed is just like any other Hilton’s, white and crisp and almost too pristine for his taste. It was always a shame, having to ruin it. Pulling the sheets out from under the mattress, sorting through pillows and rearranging them to his liking, throwing everything he bought on a trip onto it for him to look over, text pictures to Max and ask for his thoughts on every new acquisition.

Tonight, he doesn’t.

OR: Oscar and Lando take a trip to Harajuku.

oOoOoOo

change the weather (5288 words) by sharls Rating: Explicit Relationships: Lando Norris/Oscar Piastri Summary: Lando knows what a thong is, of course he does—but the team needs content, the team needs clicks, and he just so happens to be well-versed in the art of going viral.

oOoOoOo

smokeshow (3501 words) by orphan_account Rating: Explicit Relationships: Lando Norris/Oscar Piastri Summary: Because Oscar won the American football challenge, Lando had to wear the cheerleader uniform.

oOoOoOo

get your man, girl (6218 words) by cockroach_hyung Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen Summary: Charles wears a skirt to the paddock for media day and Max loses his mind just a little.

oOoOoOo

a chance like this, you may never get to show off (3130 words) by emptyhalf Rating: Explicit Relationships: Max Fewtrell/Lando Norris Summary: Max doesn’t let himself look too long, although it’s tempting, knows Lando will be getting frantic under his gaze already. “I reckon,” he says, getting back on the bed and straddling Lando’s waist. “That you could get a pretty good following on Insta.” Lando sticks his tongue out at him, “Three million not enough for you?” “We could make it five,” Max kisses his forehead, leans up to wrap the ribbon around Lando’s wrists. “If I took photos of you like his.”

oOoOoOo

take from me my lace (4352 words) by tabris Rating: Explicit Relationships: Sebastian Vettel/Mark Webber Summary: "So what's this, then?" Seb holds his hand out with the pair of knickers dangling from a finger. Mark can already tell he was right about the color suiting him — the navy satin a few shades darker than Seb's eyes edged with ivory lace just a hint lighter than his winter pale skin. He takes a long sip of his drink and props a socked foot up on the door frame before answering. "It's not a thing, if that's what you're thinking. I just thought they'd look nice on you."

oOoOoOo

but i know that i've been feelin' feminine since i was teethin' (1879 words) by Anonymous Rating: Explicit Relationships: Alexander Albon/George Russell Summary: Alex feels a rush of bravery. "Pretty," he says, before he can think better of it. "Call me pretty, yeah?" George looks over, his eyes big and serious. "The prettiest." Or - Alex wears skirts sometimes. George is very into it.

oOoOoOo

Mess It Up (13412 words) by wombtaker Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr, Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen Summary: It had been a perfect day so far in his opinion. “Lando, can you come out here for a second?” Carlos' voice called out once again. He frowned, hopping off his desk chair and shuffling into the living room, “I swear if you took me out of my zone to ask if I will try fish I’ll—” The rest of his words died in his mouth as Carlos came into view. As the lipstick tube in his hand came to view. or The one where Lando discovers something about himself