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tommarvoloriddlesdiary · 2 years ago

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By the time it’s through, Harry is a panting victorious mess.

He swears some Gryffindors get dumber by the year. They were pulling the same stunt at every start of the term. I mean, Harry scoffs and thinks to himself, they couldn’t even have been bothered to pick a different corridor. It astounds Harry how persistent their hatred of Slytherins—of him especially, remains even after all these years.

Like, so what? He can talk to a few snakes, and he’s alright at quidditch, and, yeah, he defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort when he was a baby and then sorted Slytherin at eleven. It’s not like anyone told him it was some cultural taboo to accidentally end a war and sort into the mass murderer’s Hogwarts House.

Honestly, Harry has a sneaking suspicion that even if someone had told him, he’d of ended up in a similar, if not worse, situation. So he’ll take the yearly Gryffindor smackdown any day.

Surveying his handiwork, Harry gives a pleased nod to nothing in particular. These six definitely need the medi-wing, but, seeing as Harry was slighted from the Head Boy position and finishing off his final year at Hogwarts as a mere seventh-year prefect, he figures this can slip under his radar. Of course, it’s not good to slack on the first week back, and usually Harry frowns at anything of the sort, but six to one is his new personal best. So, this little lapse in duty can be a small treat for a job well done.

The pep to his step and smile on his face certainly agree with Harry’s decision as he does an about-face and walks a few paces only to come toe to toe with their latest Defence professor.

Shite.

Harry’s face shutters and he freezes in place. There’s no way he can talk his way out of this. But, more importantly, what the hell is he going to do about a bloody witness.

In the haze of panic, Harry has enough sense to correct his posture quickly. He straightens up, shoulders back, hands clasped behind him, and speaks politely, if a little blandly, “Professor Riddle.” Harry bows his head in what he hopes comes across as a sign of respect and not the blatant attempt to hide his wince that it is. How could he have been so careless?

Professor Tom Riddle is the hot new thing in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not only for the ne’er-do-well gossip mongrels but also just- generally. He’s incredibly attractive and incredibly unknown. Sure, he has more than enough qualifications for the position, but no one has any useful information on the man other than the fact that he might have been a Slytherin in another life. And that’s only because he’s got a pet snake slithering about, allegedly.

All of that to say: Harry has no idea how his new professor will react to this. But it’s vital that he keeps his head down this year; nothing can come between him and freedom from the Dursleys. Especially not a little roughhousing with a few morons. If Professor Riddle punishes him with a detention or eight, it will be a low blow but bearable— and if he brings what Harry’s done to the Headmaster…

Harry is certain expulsion will be considered with a heavy hand. Headmaster Dumbledore did not like Harry one bit.

“Harry Potter,” Professor Riddle’s voice is deep and just on the edge of lilting. It’s a nice voice, Harry’s shocked to acknowledge. His lessons will be a huge step up from Snape’s temporary claim of the role. Thank the gods they forced him back to Potions. Though, Slughorn’s lessons and overall attitude were pleasant while they lasted.

They both stood without saying another word in tense silence. Well, tense for Harry. He’s not too sure what’s rattling around in Professor Riddle’s head that’s keeping him so quiet.

Actually, Harry couldn’t imagine being on the other end of this scenario. Like, what would he do if he’d come upon some kid, who by almost all accounts was the supposed saviour of the wizarding world, beating the shite out of six Gryffindor students? Harry doesn’t think he’d handle it as well as Professor Riddle seems to be. In fact, maybe they should both take a cue from Fake-Professor-Harry and just pretend this never happened.

Harry’s neck is just starting to strain from its lock level with the floor when Professor Riddle speaks, “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

His head snaps up at the pleasant, almost jolly tone. Professor Riddle is staring out into the courtyard, eyes glued to something far, far in the distance. Completely ignoring the six injured students mere metres away.

Dumbfounded, Harry replies, “It’s evening.” And it is evening. Harry tries to look out at whatever has Professor Riddle’s steadfast attention and can’t pinpoint a damn thing. It’s dark as all hell out there. Finally, in the awkward pause, Harry finds the wherewithal to look back and tack on a belated, “Professor.”

Professor Riddle’s eyes slip to Harry’s face, but his head remains still, and Harry comes to the startling realisation that this is meant to be an act. Anyone passing by, or any nosey portraits, would still believe him enchanted by the courtyard and not confronting a rogue student.

“I know you’re socially inept, Mr Potter. But you are not stupid.”

And with that charming, hissed comment, Harry turns about-face once again to also fake watch the courtyard. “Why yes, sir. Very lovely.”

“It seems,” Professor Riddle starts up again, “in my vacant-minded appreciation for this beautiful day, I have forgotten some paperwork in my office. Could you spare a moment to accompany me?” Harry hears the loud and clear statement as what it is: a demand.

“Of course, sir. I happen to be returning to the common room and going that direction regardless.” Harry is oddly proud of the truth of this. He is technically done with his prefect rounds now, anyhow.

“Very good. Come along.”

The walk to Professor Riddle’s office is long. It’s made longer by their run-in with a few of the Hogwarts Ghosts. Peeves has always had this odd tolerance for Harry that he’s gladly taken advantage of more times than he can count. Something about his father and his father’s friends, the best group of pranksters to ever walk these halls! or whatever. Harry’s not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Besides, their slight distraction with Peeves has nothing on the Grey Lady’s interaction with Professor Riddle.

She never takes an interest in anyone outside of her little Ravenclaws if Hermione is to be believed. And Hermione is rarely ever wrong. So Harry is on the deep end of surprised when she floats down the other end of the fifth-floor corridor, sees them coming, and waits. Ghosts can’t really be described as warm— unless you were talking about the Fat Friar, and only then because, even as a ghost, he appears to be wearing too many layers for this time of year— but the Grey Lady’s soft eyes for Professor Riddle is a near thing.

“Tom,” she starts as Harry follows his professor’s lead and stops to greet her. “You’re back.”

Harry tries to keep as quiet as a mouse because he very desperately wants to know what she means by that, and he doesn’t think she’s even realised he’s here yet. Harry doesn’t even think he’s ever heard her speak before, either, but her voice is as soft as her eyes. Dainty like bells.

“Yes, Lady Ravenclaw. It has been a long time.” Professor Riddle seems pleased she remembers him. But… Harry can’t put his finger on it. Something just feels off. His neck prickles with that alert sort of awareness, the kind he’s never really been able to break since he was a kid—that prickle of danger.

Grey Lady nods, “Nearly three decades.”

Three decades? Hell, that’s a long time. How old is Professor Riddle anyway? He doesn’t look a day older than thirty, but unless Grey Lady knew him pre-birth, Harry would have to reevaluate his perception of wizard ages.

Harry is vaguely aware that this is all none of his business, and he really shouldn’t be standing here listening closely and pondering on whether or not Professor Riddle was a good Ravenclaw back in the day. But knowledge is power, right? As an obvious Ravenclaw Alumni, Professor Riddle would appreciate Harry’s retention. And since Harry still has no idea how he’ll react to the little skirmish from earlier, looking out for possible blackmail wouldn’t be amiss.

Professor Riddle looks surprised, “I don’t recall speaking with you the last time I was here.”

“Because you didn’t,” her reply is simple and to the point. Not said with any ounce of anger. It’s undoubtedly spoken with a fair amount of weight, however.

Harry hasn’t spent six, going on seven, years in the snake pit not to pick up on her clear underlying message: you didn’t see me, but I saw you. And even though it sounds like a threat, Harry is confident she only means it as a warning. A warning for what? Harry hopes to find out.

“How terribly remiss of me,” Professor Riddle shakes his head as though ashamed. “We should rectify this, of course, and speak at length when you have the time,” his accompanying smile is bright and charming. Harry almost wants to whistle in appreciation. That is some fine schmoozing if he says so himself.

But Grey Lady doesn’t respond. Instead, she floats on, and as she passes Harry, her shoulder phasing through his, he can’t help noticing her stricken face. The purse to her lips and the translucent grip of her hands, it’s almost like she’s scared.

Harry watches her go, still for a touch too long, and Professor Riddle clears his throat, “If you’ll continue following me, please, Mr Potter.”

His attention snaps back to the professor, “I had no idea you were a Ravenclaw, Professor Riddle.”

Professor Riddle looks very amused for a moment. Then, he continues walking and asks, “Whatever gave that away?”

Harry is immediately suspicious, “Ravenclaw’s Ghost. She doesn’t speak with anyone outside of her House. Even the professors have a hard time catching her attention unless they are one of her past students.” When Professor Riddle doesn’t respond right away, Harry adds, “For example, she didn’t acknowledge me once during your conversation.”

“That is true,” he nods, and that strange amusement lingers on the edges of Professor Riddle’s lips. They don’t speak for the remainder of their walk, though it isn’t without Harry trying.

Really, Harry hasn’t met anyone this paranoid in his life— maybe Moody, but the Auror is in a league all his own. However, Professor Riddle isn’t far behind, acting as though even the floors have ears. Or, at least, Harry assumes it’s paranoia stopping the Professor from answering. Maybe he’s just fed up with Harry’s questions…

As they enter the Defence classroom, Harry takes in the changes. Each Defence Professor certainly came with their own flair. Lockhart with his vain decor and opulence, Remus with his purely educational and scientific creatures posters and skeletons, Moody with his nearly claustrophobic clutter of dark curse detectors and jars of worms and bees, Umbridge with her bare-walled bleakness almost as though she could be the only thing of note in the room, Snape with his… well… Snape-ness—no one was surprised to come into the drawn curtain, candle-lit, gruesome pictured room last year.

Professor Riddle is an interesting mix, Harry thinks. Not over the top with gold and silver or anything like that, but there’s definitely a lustre to everything that speaks of fine quality. There’s a nice variety of defence posters, all topics from creatures to spells to stances to potions. How refreshing after the gloom of Snape. It’s brighter in here, Harry notes. Even in the late hour, the warm glow of the room is inviting.

Harry carefully tucks away the sight of a large empty vivarium for later questioning as Professor Riddle shows him up the staircase to his office.

“Have a seat, Mr Potter.” Professor Riddle rounds his desk, a simple wooden piece, large and already strewn with papers, and takes a seat. Harry follows suit, taking in his office with much less attention than the classroom. If only because it seems Professor Riddle hasn’t finished setting it up to his standards. Piles of books sit abandoned by the many bookshelves covering one wall, and a fair amount of boxes are open and unopened in each corner.

Harry takes a deep breath and readies to defend himself. He thinks he’s got a pretty reasonable defence (pun intended) for his Defence Professor. Even if the man has heard of Harry through gossip rags like Witch Weekly and the hardly-a-news-source Daily Prophet, Harry figures he’s still got the benefit of the doubt.

Unless, of course, Professor Riddle had strong affiliations during the war. That could always go either way. Harry’s met some pretty chill Voldemort supporters over the years and some pretty not-chill ones. The Malfoys, for instance, treat him like a second son, and Harry’s mostly sure that’s only because they think him the next Dark Lord or something. Whereas Theodore Nott, and probably his whole family, definitely hates Harry’s guts for killing Voldemort.

“Professor Riddle, about what happened earlier, I can explain—“ Harry starts and is near immediately cut off.

“You’re quite gifted in spell casting, aren’t you, Mr Potter?” Professor Riddle leans back and crosses his legs, hands in his lap. Okay…he doesn’t look like he’s about to get Harry expelled… And is that a compliment?

“Uh,” Harry stutters. He’s still not good with praise; it’s still so foreign to him. “I wouldn’t use that word, Professor. But thank you.”

Professor Riddle shakes his head, “It is nothing to thank me for if it is a fact. When I was accepted for the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, I first requested a list of all the students and their academic placements.” He pauses to shuffle the papers around on his desk until he pulls out one long parchment, “Four years straight, you held the top of the list in Defence for your year, and your Ordinary Wizarding Levels were exemplary even though you appear to have barely scraped by in fifth-year with a Dreadful.”

Professor Riddle glances up at Harry with a world-weary look, “I have speculations about why you placed so low the last two years. A Troll for sixth-year? With the casting I saw? Highly unlikely.”

Harry blinks, “Oh,” is all he can muster. Welp, that answers how much of the duel Professor Riddle had seen. And, surely he didn’t have all the Hogwarts students’ placements memorised so thoroughly? Is it just his seventh-year classes? Is it just Harry?

For the first time all evening, Harry is struck with the sudden question: why was Professor Riddle in a random seventh-floor corridor, anyway?

Now, Harry can say what he likes about paranoid people being paranoid. Unfortunately, it didn’t mitigate the fact that Harry was a touch paranoid himself. And, even though Professor Riddle hasn’t come off as anything less than concerned-professor-addressing-his-student, Harry still hasn’t quite gotten over that prickle of danger back with Grey Lady. It would be absolutely batty to think Professor Riddle was following him, or whatever, but now that Harry’s thought about it, he can’t stop thinking about it.

“That is just Defence. You have placed consistently in the top 10 of almost all your other classes since you arrived at Hogwarts,” Professor Riddle rolls up the parchment and sets it aside. “Divination and you do not seem to agree, however.”

Harry can’t tell if Riddle is impressed, surprised, or both. Honestly, he’s kind of busy scoping out any easy exit points now that he’s spiralling down the my-new-defence-professor-might-be-stalking-me rabbit hole. Harry lets out a strained laugh and hopes that’s enough of an answer.

“You appear to be a bright young man, so why did you feel the need to fight six Gryffindor students after curfew, Mr Potter?”

Indignant, Harry decides to shelf his panic attack for later, “I didn’t feel the need. This is a yearly thing they like to do. They’ve decided they are within their rights to punish me for my audacity to sort Slytherin when I was eleven and enjoy cornering me during my prefect rounds.”

Riddle arches his brow, “This has been going on for years?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve not gone to your Head of House?”

Harry nearly scoffs, “Snape and I do not get along.”

“Professor Snape, Mr Potter,” Riddle’s amused smile is back in full force.

Harry presses his lips into a thin line and counts backwards from ten. Twice. “Of course, sir. Professor Snape and I do not get along. He tolerates me on the best of days and probably plans out my murder in vivid detail on the worst.”

Peeves may love Harry’s father. Snape decidedly didn’t. Hardly fair, if anyone asked him, that he has to take Snape’s shitty abuse just because he looks like a man he’s never met.

Riddle nods and tilts his head. He’s silent for a moment before he asks, “And do you like Slytherin House?”

It’s such an out-of-left-field question that Harry gapes for a moment. He pulls himself together enough to give it some serious thought. Does he like being a Slytherin? He’s never been anything else, so it’s hard to say. It was pretty shitty in the beginning. Being ostracised for doing something he didn’t even remember or know about until a month before school while also adjusting to a totally new concept like magic being real was kind of awful. And he wouldn’t recommend it. Still—

“Yes,” Harry answers passionately and wholeheartedly. “I love it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

And he means it. Because even though first-year had its fair share of torture, it was also magic. It was walls that opened with a whispered word revealing a room with a sea-floor view and green velvet sofas, it was his very own room after years of sleeping in a cupboard under the stairs, it was his first friend and his first laugh, it was wands and potions and spells and charms and magic.

Riddle does seem surprised now, as though he expected Harry to give a very different answer. His quiet turns thoughtful for a long, long while, and Harry wonders how long their meeting will drag out. It’s well after curfew and prefect hours now, isn’t it?

A dragging sound pulls them both from their silence.

Harry’s eyes quickly lock on a stack of precariously stacked boxes. They move slightly as though pushed and wobble dangerously. After a few moments of nothing, a large snake head appears from around its corner.

And that answers Harry’s question about the empty vivarium in the classroom.

The snake’s scales against the stone floor are what make the dragging sound as it carefully moves closer and closer to Harry. A quick glance at Riddle shows that he has no intentions of stopping it; great. In fact, that amusement is far too obvious once again.

Belatedly Harry realises the snake is sort of massive, far longer than any snake he’s ever seen. Including that one ball python at the zoo. The snake’s body gracefully adjusts as it creeps up and up and up until its head is level with Harry’s. A cool forked tongue quickly brushes against his cheek. Harry blinks, wide-eyed.

“Excuse Nagini, Mr Potter. She’s just curious.”

Harry knows he shouldn’t say anything. He knows it’s too risky to reply because he can’t quite control his parseltongue in front of snakes, but he can’t just sit here and not say anything. He’s still trying to get out of expulsion and maybe even a few detentions, after all. So he looks very hard at Riddle and desperately hopes the man won’t act too cruel if Harry slips up, “It’s-s fine, s-sir.”

Harry winces. Even he can tell his s sounds were a little too harsh just then, and Riddle’s brown eyes sharpen at the curious drag of his voice.

Riddle leans forward, elbows on the desk, hands clasped together, and tilts his head. “That’s right. As a Slytherin, you must not mind snakes. Comes with the territory?”

“You could,” Harry swallows, “s-ay that.” He grits his teeth. Hope is a lie. He needs to get out of here.

Somehow Riddle leans ever so closer, “It’s interesting. I was under the impression that her presence here might cause a great disturbance. Headmaster Dumbledore was very worried about student safety and their reactions.”

Harry pauses. His eyes drift back over to Nagini. What? Wait, “Student safety?”

Suddenly Riddle is up and standing. It startles Harry more than he’ll ever admit, and while he’s distracted by that, Nagini rests her large head on his shoulder and inches her way behind his neck, “A speaker? You speak parseltongue, young child?”

Riddle quickly rounds to the front of his desk, his fingers tapping a pleasant little rhythm across it. He finds a comfortable spot and casually leans back against it, arms crossed. Harry’s thigh is almost brushing the long line of Riddle’s legs. Harry wants to die, just a little.

“Mr Potter, Harry,” Riddle says his name like a curse and a blessing and very, very different from how he’s been saying it all evening. A chill runs down Harry’s spine.

Nagini interrupts before Riddle can continue, “Are you cold, young child? Tom, the boy is cold. Warm him.”

“My snake seems rather taken with you, Harry,” Riddle carries on, completely ignoring Nagini and her demands. Which makes sense because Riddle doesn’t speak parseltongue, but Harry is sorely tempted to laugh at how she sounds so used to bossing Riddle around. He doesn’t scream doting pet owner, but maybe Harry’s got a bad read on him. Or maybe the fear and adrenalin are making Harry fucking crazy.

And when did he become Harry and not Mr Potter?

Harry coughs, focusing all his attention on Riddle once more, “Cool. What concern did Dumbledore have for the children?” Nailed it.

Riddle’s answering smile is large and closed-lipped. He’s not laughing, but it sure as hell feels like he is. “Headmaster Dumbledore, Harry. And it is nothing to worry about, as I have taken measures to keep you all safe. Nagini just happens to be rather poisonous; her venom is capable of killing a man in less than a minute.”

Huh. Harry suddenly doesn’t feel all too thrilled about having Riddle’s rather large, potentially man-killing, and weirdly mothering snake getting all cosy on his shoulders. Even now, she’s still hissing nonsense words of concern and praise, and really, Harry’s not been paying too close attention to her out of fear of messing up again.

Harry nods as slowly and carefully as possible. “I get why he’d be a little worried.”

Riddle hums, not necessarily agreeing, not necessarily disagreeing. “Back to our original topic, I will not be reporting your altercation with the Gryffindors.”

The fierce surprise waging a three-way war with suspicion and hope in Harry’s chest is enough to leave him breathless. How the hell did he get this lucky? “Thank you, I really appreciate it—“ Harry stops himself from adding an instinctual sir.

Harry sits uncomfortably in the realisation that Riddle is definitely laughing at him as Riddle’s brows inch up. Harry sighs and says, “s-sir.” He clears his throat.

“Apologies, Harry. It is quite late, is it not? I wouldn’t want to keep you; the term officially starts tomorrow, after all.” Riddle straightens up from his lean, and he’s closer now than he’s ever been to Harry.

“One last thing,” Riddle says, and his hands curl around either side of Harry’s neck. Harry is dizzy in the stifling nearness. Riddle’s not touching him, but the warmth radiating off his body and hands burns until Harry is certain there’ll be blisters.

Riddle carefully takes Nagini from her perch on Harry and wraps her gently across his own shoulders, “In exchange for my silence, I expect us to meet here once a week. Outside of our class time. I shall wait until you get your timetable before picking something suitable for us both.”

Harry’s eyes are glued to the floor when he says, “Yeah. Okay.”

“Harry.”

Harry’s neck whips up at breaking speed, and for just a split second, hardly a blink, Riddle’s eyes are a scolding red.

Harry blinks once, twice, three whole times before he manages a desperate, “Yes, Professor Riddle.”

Riddle’s answering smile is the cat’s canary, and Harry certainly feels like prey to a predator right now.

#tomarry #harrymort #tomarrymort #pov: harry #4.1k words #chapter 1 #my fic #slytherin!harry #professor!tom | voldemort #fic: what's lost (what's gained)#i have nothing to say i don't even know where this came from

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teddybeartoji · 4 months ago

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MICKEY LOVES TLOU2

here are a fuck ton of thoughts and things i love and things that i've just noticed during my multiple playthroughs!!! i really love this game and i really wanted to talk about it lmao ppl so enjoy lmao!!! though if you know nothing abt the game... this might be very boring bc it's not like i give a lot of context to my thoughts😭😭whatever this was for me okay!!!!!!!!!!!

⚠︎ spoilers spoilers hardcore spoilers i am talking abt every death known to mankind i am not holding anything back type of spoilers ⚠︎

ELLIE

— i have a love/hate relationship with her<3 let's not get into the fact that i also kin her btw this is so irrelevant i adore her and i also kind of want to punch her in the face<333

— i love how much she fidgets. she plays with her fingers and she does this thing where she rubs her chin against her shoulder when she's nervous. it all just makes her so much more real. (i also.. do both of those things. ok no let's not get into that cough)

— when ellie and dina find a clicker crawling on the floor during day one and it very obviously scares ellie and then dina asks her whether she's ok like the good girlfriend that she is, to which ellie first replies 'yeah' with a shaky voice only to clear her throat and give dina a way stronger 'yeah'. as if she's trying to act a bit tougher yk? (ok here's a lil link from a gameplay if u actually wanna hear the difference)

— i love how much ellie fucks up. gonna talk abt the first game here too bc i want to. when she first meets david, she does well by getting the man to give up his gun but then a few minutes later we find out that david had another gun which ellie didn't know abt simply bc she didn't ask abt it!!!!!!!!!!!! she could've died just there.

and then later when david is telling her all about how joel killed all his men and everything, ellie doesn't hear the other man having a gun on her. boom she could've been dead right there. she only lives bc david is a fucking pedophile yayyy

it's just very clear that she is, in fact, a fourteen year old lmao i'm not saying that she should've actually done anything differently - i am actually very very happy with the way they portrayed her there.

and she's the same way in the second one too. she acts very very tough, but she's clumsy and she lets her guard down way too easily. AND IT'S REALISTICCC PLEASEE I'M NOT DISSING HER I LOVE THIS LITTLE DETAIL SOOO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

on day two, when she finally reaches the hospital and she's met with her first proper wolf; ellie holds a knife to whitney's throat to ask about nora (the girl she's looking for) and when whitney does tell her the info she needs, ellie kind of zones out for a mere second but that's enough for whitney to yank out of her hold and it almost ends very badly. it's very stupid. even she herself says so.

and on day three, when we're finally met with mel and owen, ellie tries to do the infamous joel and tommy interrogation move. but she fucks it up so bad.

for those who might not know what the fuck i'm talking abt - the move includes having two ppl being faced away from each other, so you can ask one of them to write down the information you want without the other seeing the answer. and then you let the other person do the same, and if the info matches - they're telling the truth!! yayy!!!!!

ellie has both of the people in front of her, so owen would've been able to see exactly where mel is pointing lmao. and then she let's them both get way too close which ends up owen going for her gun and then everything just goes to hell. and she gets fucking nothing out of it other than three more kills.

she also lets nora to get to her, too. the latter brings up joel and the second ellie's gun lowers just an inch, nora smacks her in the face with a fucking platter and therefore is able to make a run for it.

another thing that goes well with this point is just the fact that she is very emotional. gets angry very easily and she tends to act very irrationally. #she's literally me

— have never been angrier when ellie put a knife to lev because ????? lev is THE only reason dina and jj and ellie herself are alive?????????? abby would've 100% killed all of them (rightfully so i'm afraid) but lev was the one that made her stop and now she's threatening to kill him????? be so serious rn ellie my dear

— i hated playing the santa barbara part and i died during the last fight way too many times simply because i was so afraid that i'd actually have to kill abby. i.. thought about not finishing the game lmao

— the last scene of the game............................. i cried so hard. i also cried when they showed us the 'fight' ellie and joel had during the night in jackson bc i was so afraid that that was their last interaction yk? so when we see joel strumming his guitar on his porch.... ohhhhhhhhh:(((( the fact that he says that he'd do it all again. ellie saying that she'd like to try and forgive him and joel crying??????????? just fucking shoot me okay this hurts so fucking bad

and joel bringing up dina ever so gently, being the old man that he is, he tries to show his support even though he knows that ellie probably doesn't even want it................

JOEL

— joel giving his name and lending a hand to a complete stranger after playing the tough guy for over 20 years only for it to blow it up so fucking terribly in his face is just.................... awful my heart still hurts btw

— yes i think he deserved it yes i love him yes i cried so hard that i needed to pause the game

his death didn't really come as a surprise though,, not to sound like some pick-me but i did assume that they'd be fireflies bc........... oh i wonder that was the Big Thing Joel Did In The First Game That Could Come And Bite Him In The Ass yk?? he took away the possibility of a vaccine and he also killed a hospital full of people like joel is not a good man lmao I STILL LOVE HIM THOUGHHH

— joel taught ellie how to swim:(((((((((((((((((((((((((( and then just the whole museum thing aaaaaaaaaaaarrghhhhh yes i cried during this part too. i love how much more open he is at that point, like he's more than comfortable talking about sarah and it's just soo:((((((((((((((

and ohhh the way joel looks at ellie when he's handing her the tape:(((

and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the fact that joel kept the little dinosaur pamphlet too:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((everything hurts please send help

— joel vs abby and the group + the moose vs the wolves statue in the museum yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

— joel reading the comic book that ellie is into to have something to talk to her about................................................... i'm so sad

THE JACKSON CREW

— i LOVED JESSSEEEEEEE btw during my first playthrough i was just thinking abt what a cool guy he is and how i hope that nothing happens to him and then he got shot in the face literally in the next scene yeah that was just so amazing thank you game)

and aaaaaahhhh his little enterance was such a big surprise to me!!!!! ok i think it was for everybody actually,, i think that was done really really well

— AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORE DINAA!!!!!!!!!!!! i think she did nothing wrong i think she's perfect!!!!!!!!!! i loved loved loved how gentle she was with ellie until the end,, she loved ellie sm:(((

— tommy.............................................. now that was heartbreak. i can't even descibe the hurt i felt when he brought up abby again......... and when he snaps at ellie for not wanting to go after her....... ouch ouch ouch that genuinely hurt so fucking much bc i loved tommy so bad!!!! i do think that he is in the wrong, i think that he is mostly just bitter about maria fucking leaving him so he's now trying to idk take back time or some shit. i'm not saying that he should be grateful to be alive but... he should. abby could've fucking decimated the whole group (she almost did) and now you're here still obsessing over her

— maria is so hot btw thanks for listening to my ted talk

ABBY

— i love her<3 and i think the only bad thing she ever was did was that she killed jesse (rip my king i loved him sm)

— :33 if you have anything bad to say about her i will not hear it.

— if i ever happen to see another 'who's winning' poll with abby and ellie with ellie fucking winning i am burning down earth because what the fuck are you guys on. even after being strung up on a pole under the californian sun with no food and nothing to drink, she almost won against ellie. who btw had a knife.

and the threater fight????????? abby only had her fists and bricks and bottles while ellie had her ENTIRE BAG including her knife and a shotgun and a bow and trapmines and she still couldn't kill abby????? yeah cmon now abby would fucking eat ellie for breakfast

— but yeah i fucking love abby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think her storyline is so fucking good and i just overall think that uhh she's a better person than ellie<3 sue me okay sue me i still love ellie but man you cannot deny that abby didn't have a redemption arc while ellie litERALLY STILL WENT AFTER HER IN THE ENDDDD??????????

the way abby turns against the wolves and takes lev under her arm is just soooo:(((((((( they mean the world to me

— omfg and when abby teaches lev what the word 'cool' means but he then messes it up later, saying 'cold' instead😭😭THAT'S MY SONN FR!!!!!!!!!

THE WOLVES (aka the washington liberation front aka the w.l.f)

— i hate owen. i hate owen with every fiber in my body. gets mel pregnant and then just decides to up and leave yeah okay pussy. "we're allowed to be happy." YEAH AND SO DOES MEL ASSHOLE BUT NOW SHE HAS YOUR KID INSIDE HER DURING A FUCKING APOCALYPSE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME BY ANY CHANCE

i'm sounding like a proper mel pussy rider rn i promise u that i don't actually care that much abt her i just think that... no matter whether owen likes mel or not - he has to take some fucking responsibility for getting her pregnant

btw i have NEVER read a room more wrong than the boat scene. is that bc they're straight?? idk man i was genuinely so upset with owen and with the way he was talking to abby and just the way he was acting and then they.. do That. what

also. he never asked abby about the fuCKING BRUISE AROUND HER NECKKKK???????????????????? kys man i am an owen hater until i die lmao

— the wolves having a goodbye saying of "may your survival be long" and "may your death be swift"

so when nora tells abby the first line as they part in the hospital but abby replies back with "and may my death be swift" is the most insane foreshadowing in the world because only a few hours later ellie arrives at the hospital, beating nora to death in a very slow and a painful manner:3

GAMEPLAY

— INCREDIBLEEEEEEEE genuinely think that the gameplay is fucking extraordinaly i love the weapon sway i love getting oneshotted by a shotgun i love going prone (and yes i keep wanting to say prone bone don't look at me) i love using a bow while laying down on the ground???????? i love breaking glass i love rope mechanics

— SEATTLE DAY 2 WHEN ELLIE IS ALONE AND SHE FINDS A LETTER SAYING THAT FIVE WLF PPL HAVE DESERTED THE GROUP AND ARE NOW ON THE RUN + ELLIE GETTING ATTACK IN THE MIDDLE OF BEING ON THE WORKBENCH SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the little things leading up to that are fucking amazing 1. ellie makes noise no matter how she gets into the building - she either breaks glass or if she gets in from the basement, there are bottles set up by the door so when she opens it they all fall, letting the wolves know that someone is coming 2. there are still growing tomatoes in the apartment, a very tell-tale sign of yk.. somebody living in there lmao 3. ellie finds a locked door and it's just so crazy to think that there are actually people inside that room

hearing the footsteps when you think that you're safely in a you know A Pause Screen was fucking terrifying it scared the shit out of me i loved it

— love the fact that you can hide under things but what i love even more is that enemies do check the places!!!!!!!!!!!! they crouch down and they check it and they fucking pull you out from whatever you're hiding under and that is also fucking scary as shit lmao

— the fact that both big groups have their own Things: the wolves have the dogs (lol) and the seraphites like to communicate by whistling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it's very fun and innovative

plus points to the whistles bc they're even worse while you're playing grounded bc the game doesn't tell you what whistle is what whistle like it does while you're playing it on normal. you gotta remember them yourself if you want to get ahead<333

— overall i love how realistic the combat is?? like the weapon sway is fucking horrid but... that's the point of it, isn't it?? like none of these people are meant to be fucking sharpshooters and you're all bound to miss a fuck ton bc that's just the way it is. and that also makes hitting headshots sooooo much more satisfying too oh my god i love that

— AND I LOVE HOW GNARLY THE COMBAT IS!!!!!!!!!! dismembered limbs and bits and pieces of their people's bodies sliding down the walls after you shoot them with something heavy rrraaaahhhhhh

and the way the blood pools after you kill somebody??? like you can actually see it spread on the ground it's so fucking sick and if you happen to step in it, you leave bloody footprints behind you as well

— the way people cry out when you kill a dog:(((( the way they call their name yeahhhh.... and i do actually love that they put dogs in the game like it's fucking awful and it feels so fucking bad but it's real isn't it?? and like i don't really know if any other game has done smth like this too i think it's a very interesting thing. and the fact that they're very, very hard to deal with.. bc it's not like you can fucking sneak up on a dog now can you???? so the game just forces you to think of new ways to do things!! plus points for making the player feel bad by showing the dogs through abby's eyes later too (like u can play ball with a dog named 'bear' knowing that... you have most definitely killed said dog a day before as ellie....)

— stalkers are fucking terrifying. literally almost shat myself when i first met them. i love it. an absolutely fucked up concept like wdym there are mfs in the room with me who aren't really attacking but just.. looking at me from behind corners and shit???????????? fuck you game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a very very good design imo!!!!!!!!!!!

— i think it's very fun how the game developers used space. everyone who has played games that are even remotely similar to tlou are used to scouring every crook and nanny of an area assuming that they're gonna find loot but here... there's just a lot of empty space lmao it sounds annoying and it is, but that doesn't make it a dumb little thing i think it just makes the game even more realistic.

— they do this in the first game too but man the attention to detail is insane. you know you actually have to move SLOWLY if you want to be quiet??????????? like typically the fact that you're crouching down is sufficent but not in this one. simply crouching down is just more for like taking cover,, the enemies and esp the clickers will still hear you perfectly if you're trying to 'sneak' around without slowing down your movements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it's a very neat mechanic. this also made me almost quit the game when i first played it because i didn't understand it lmao

MORE OVERALL THOUGHTS

— LESBIAN ELLIEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A FEMALE LESBIAN MAIN CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love that she's not bisexual either, like they very clearly even state that she is NOT into men lmao and i fucking love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— BUFF ABBBYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GODD SHE'S SO FUCKING AMAZING AND SO HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i remember seeing all the hate the character got just bc of her physique like ok cowards just say that you're afraid of women lmao

— LEV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE A TRANS CHARACTERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this sounds like bare minimum and i hate that i have to praise it so bad i wish we had more trans characters but oh my god i love him so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i just love his storyline so much too wahh he's my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— exceptional soundtrack!!!!!!! i really fucking love it i think the music adds to the scenes so fucking much and gustavo and mac did such a good job with it i owe them my life

— GOING AGAINST TOMMY WAS FUCKING TERRIFYING BTW!!!!! when i finally realized what day i was on and where exactly i was i just... paused the game to rethink my whole life. having told that tommy is one hell of a sniper throughout the first and the second game only to let THE PLAYER go against him.. FOULLLLLL THAT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLEEEE

and i loved that he was used the same move he literally taught ellie earlier in the game - to shoot against cars to attract the infected and to make the players life even worse:33 thanks tommy:3333

ANDDDDD manny's death...... oh my fucking god. that's just another thing i really love abt the game,, like how easily people die. it only took a second for tommy to pop a bullet into his head and it just happened so fucking fast and you don't really have any time to even think about it bc then you already have to move forward. there's no time to mourn or anything.

— the point of it all being the vicious cycle of violence. the game just fucking hammers down it; ellie vs abby, joel vs the fireflies, the wolves vs the seraphites - it's just retaliation upon retaliation. and in the end abby is the only one who truly breaks out of it

— ellie's iconic quote from the first game "i'm scared of ending up alone" becoming real. she doesn't have joel, she doesn't have dina or jj, doesn't have tommy or jesse either. it's just her and the old, empty house.

— ellie losing the fingers she uses to play the one song joel taught her..................................... she really doesn't have anything, does she?

— THE VISUALSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHH MY FUCKINGG GODD IT'S ALL SOO BEAUTIFULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love the overgrown city thing soo so much i think it's just so gorgeous when moss and plants and vines just grow all over everything and the grass is long and wahhh

like aaaahhh!!!!!!!!!!!! this is soo cool!!!!!!!!!! sorry if the quality is fucking garbage but aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i want more games in settings like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— MORE ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! flies. you can hear flies flying around before you're about to run into an infected place. and if it's not flies, than it's the stench - ellie makes notice of the bad smell around her yk signaling that there are rotting corpses and stuff laying around

— THE LITTLE SIDE STORIES THAT YOU GET TO READ ABOUT ARE SOOO COOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you find all these papers and letters, all different stories depending on what chapter you're in. you get to read about boris the archer who loses his shit when the wolves kill her daughter, and who ends up locking alive people into a room with spores bc they didn't want to go against the wolves. and then you get to read about a wolf who gets saved by a seraphite, and who ends up actually joining the other side!!!! idk i think they're such an interesting little feature to add to a game

— THE FIRST PROPER ENCOUNTER WITH THE SERAPHITES IS CRAZYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here's a little link bc u really need to experience it okay i can't really put it into words even after playing it a few times that still makes me flinch lmao again

— to go with the point above: i think the horror/thriller aspect and the pacing of the game is just fucking brilliant. you've just gotten out of a fight and are now hoping to catch your breath but then as you're walking through the dark woods, you hear whistles??????? and then a hanging body?????????? but you don't see anyone else and you're just like????????????????????????????? and then the arrow happens and it scares the fuck out of you yay thanks game (affectionate i think the scare is very good i love getting jumped)

— you can find safes with a bunch of goodies in them, and while there is always a piece of paper with the code on it, you can actually just listen for the right clicks and you can open the safe without ever finding said piece of paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THOUGHS ABOUT GROUNDED (so far.. i'm more than halfway done with it)

— this is the hardest mode you could play on: there's no hud (you cannot see your health AT ALL and the only way to see how much ammo and stuff you have is when you go to your inventory, meaning that you mostly have to keep count of your bullets on your own)

— there's little to NO loot at all. i've had to go through areas with TWO BULLETS AND A BRICK yeah that wasn't too fun i won't even lie

— idk whether enemies actually have more health but you do have to consider that body shots don't do all that much,, so headshots are crucial

— a single shot can kill you:3 you don't have a big health bar to start with but considering that you're bound to take a hit no matter how stealthily you're trying to play - you're not even at max health for the most of the time.

— YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING PATIENT. at first i thought that running would have to be the way to go in quite a few areas just bc there are so many enemies and so little resources but that does not work. at all. you're very likely spotted (and they can fucking hear you) and most of the doors in the areas need you to kind of push them open? so that takes time too and well yeah if you're spotted that you can't fucking do that lmao

so going in guns blazing is obviously not an option either because you just don't have the ammo for it actually wait if this is coming off as me just sucking at the game by not having any ammo i'll have u know that i am actually doing relatively well i beat my first boss on the first try okay let me be

you have to make use of the few bricks and bottles that you find and you really have to master the Dodge move... smhh fists and knives it is bUT THEN AGAIN IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN GO AGAINST FIVE PEOPLE WITH GUNS AND DOGS WITH A FUCKING KNIFE NOW CAN I anyway i'm fine i'm doing okay actually don't talk to me

— but i am loving it. despite how hard it is at times, i definitely feel proud for even making it this far and i am very happy with how i'm doing. i'm also watching a gameplay on the side and the differences between the way he's playing and the way i'm forced to play are very funny!!!!

— oh!!!!!!!!! and one of my favourite things abt grounded is that you can't use listening mode at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not a fan of it anyway but it does come in handy when you're in an area with a lot of enemies and a lots and lots of cover. not being able to get an understanding where somebody is can definitely be scary lmao i have uhh gotten shot in the head just as i take a corner bc well.. i didn't know... he was... there..... hgasghahgsghahgsahg STILL VERY FUN THOUGH!!!!!

— i'm pretty sure that enemies can also hear you reloading your gun if they're close enough lmao

++ OKOK THIS IT FOR NOW LMAO!!!!!! this felt really really good thank you for reading if you have actually reached the end,, i genuinely love talking about this game and all the small little nuances of it!!!!!!!!!!!! if u ever have any questions about it... or just wanna share ur own thoughts abt it my inbox is always open:333333 LOVE YOUU!!

#tbh i probably have more to say lmao #i'm sure i forgot some things #but this is so much already😭😭😭#THIS IS ABOUT 4.1K WORDS HELLO #INSANITYYYYY #anyway can u tell i'm kind of obsessed:D #save me somebody save me #mickey talks a lot #ALSO SORRY IF IT HAS TYPOS THIS REALLY IS A RAMBLEPOST LMAO #tlou2 #the last of us part 2

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