#4 more days and i go home
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by candlelight
#autumn I love u ….. had such a nice night last night !!!#worked rlly hard at the gym + came home + smoked and walked Winston right around sunset it was sooo beautifulll walking around the#neighborhood looking at the little sliver of the moon hearing ppl’s band practice in their garage seeing the birds 😌#did laundry and packed for my bday trip this weekend!#then watched buffy and did a longggg stretch routine with all my pretty bedroom lights#it was the last ep of season 4 actually I really loved it..!!!!!!#today is going to be long as hell dude going to run and get a haircut before work then I’m in the lab alll dayyyy until 8 pm 😴#lecturing and demo-ing monotype in class today tho so I can be more hands on :-) yay#ok . this turned into a little diary entry hahaha#hope u have a wonderful day <3#personal
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oc-tober day 11: zero escape au
i think joe should be in akane's situation i think it's like a natural progression for him i think he should be in the nonary games. i think if he were in there it would play out exactly the same
#artists on tumblr#my ocs#my oc#oc#joe#willow's art#NOT tagging the fandom this ain't for them IDUHALISUDH#there was gonna be a lot more to this but holy fuckkkk. 4 days for one sprite? i'm so tired bro#and i still have comic pages i gotta finalize today!!!!!!!#if you're looking at the tags tho hi funny lil secret info for you#i've also got thoughts about v1r (censored to keep out of tags) and i think that would be a separate thing#cause i j. i just wanna see joe in the ab game soooooo bad#he's gonna play that shit to win man#sweetest guy in the world but the moment he has a chance he is OUTTA here#he doesn't want to be part of this. this isn't his fucking problem. he's going home#i don't think he'd hit betray every single time in every timeline but he would certainly be considering it
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Hi Holly. If I remember correctly you are or were doing a PhD? What are your plans for afterwards or what are you doing now? No need to answer if this is too personal, we just have similar degree backgrounds so I've always found your updates valuable.
PhD is still going. I will be desperately hunting for a postdoc. position afterwards.
It's strange you asked this today as the level of desperation has, in the past hour, increased drastically: I've just come out of a webinar for one of the big consulting firms who are about to start recruiting postgrads. This has been pitched to me as a "good option" to "cash in" my degrees and... not to be dramatic but I think I'd rather die the most painful death imaginable than work for them.
#The pitch: 'we look at how we can capture the next generation of consumers.'#'Oh but also we do stuff like help the UN food bank!' 🙄#WFH? 'Errr no. Come to the office and have lunch with your team and coffee with your manager and walks with your senior. Community!'#i.e. You are never left alone. Have they considered they might get more work done if they weren't talking to each other all day?#The working hours: '9am to 9pm 4 days a week but you have one protected evening where you can definitely go home at 7pm!'#... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????#I cannot believe they said half the stuff they did out loud. Genuinely astonished.
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tried 2 fix my tablet and i ended up breaking it more
#i just want to draw#its the only thing i have and now i have nothing#i cant get a new one theyre too expensive#everyday is already just endless fights about money between my mom and sister#we went on a drive 4 my mom to go get her cigarettes like 2 hours away and the entire time it was just fighting#drives used 2 be my favourite thing#but it was just stressful#i just wanted 2 come home and cry#and she just kept throwing random jabs out to me about how i need to exercise more and fix my life#like im not trying#like every day i am not desperately just trying to survive and get better
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tryin to plan a wee road trip around scotland fr spring but how am i meant to decide where to go when i wanna go everywhere
#i wna just explore the highlands a bit more i think so mayb i'll just drive up there with no plan n see what i find#or i could just do like a week in the hebrides#i just miss bein there n i know going for 4 days nxt week isn't gonna help my homesickness so i need to sort something#or mayb i can go home for christmas if they want me#christmas might be impossible to get off of work though
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#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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saw a tiktok that was like. Daily Affirmations: my work crush doesn’t like me. and now i’m like wow i wish i could send this directly to all of my new high schooler coworkers. who are all really annoyingly obsessed with our one male manager because he’s The Chill Manager. you may have seen me refer to this man before (it’s different when EYE love him because we are the same age. the high schoolers being obsessed with him is weird as hell and he DOES need to stop encouraging this) back in winterspring i was doing a lot of opening shifts with him and i was joking that we had the king and lionheart dynamic. which was real at the time but not so much the vibe now just because like. the vibe has shifted idk i work different shifts there’s different other managers i’m technically promoted there’s all these new people i don’t care about. the vibe is different. anyway. don’t care for these high schoolers and their obsession with him. especially because they’re like actual assholes sometimes to my friend managers… (they used to just work here and then two managers left and they got promoted) (i also technically got promoted at the same time but they rank above me and do more shit that i don’t want to do so like. obviously i’m not bitter or jealous about it. like if i had to manage a bunch of teenagers that didn’t respect me i might cry every single day) (which is happening to one of them fr. they’re literally such assholes to her sometimes it’s crazy like she’s not even as mean to you people as she should be…) not to side with like. The Man or whatever but unfortunately i’m not a teenager with a part time job i go to when i don’t have soccer practice so i cannot relate to the proletariat in this situation… like i knowww they’re seeing my girl as Bitch Manager and it’s making me hate them soooo bad. like you idiots can’t even fold jeans correctly!! i hate you!!!!
#literally the past three nights i’ve been working overnight with just the 2 friend managers and we’ve been having major bitch sessions#about these high schoolers…. sorry if this makes us bitches!!#maybe if more than 4 of them were literally any good at all at any part of their job we’d hate them less idk…..#like. if they sucked less it would mean i’d have to do less work. like girls work with me here im sick of covering your asses…..#can’t even put things back where they’re supposed to go correctly…#like why am i finding clearly marked clearance jeans mixed in the stack of full price ones…. stop pissing me offfffff omg#sorry again. but the next idiot teenager who asks me where something goes and i look at it and it’s clearly marked as clearance is going to#make me lose my mind for real. yes i do need a different job i know that im aware of this#the problem THERE is that all jobs look awful to me <3#and there’s genuinely nothing on earth i care enough about to make it a career!#i genuinely need to become a trophy wife and stay at home mom. like there’s no careers for me i fear#i don’t mean that in a ‘submitting to the patriarchy’ way i mean it in a ‘the only thing i’ve consistently known i want in my future for my#entire life has been kids’ way#anyway. having a job where you’re the fifth most in charge person there and third on an average day. makes you evil fr
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EEEK good morning & happy sunday friends !! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝ i’m wishing all of you the bestest of days today and giving each of you a strawberry !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓
#will be on the road for about 4 hours to go back home sigh T^T#promise i’ll get to askies n stuffs later !! <3#gonna be watching my brothers house for him for about 10-11 days as soon as i get home !!#i only get to say hi to my kitties for just a minute before leaving them again SOB T^T#i miss them soso much WAHHHH !!#also will be takin’ a pic of my haul so i can post it YIPEEE !!#i got some new figs yesterday and a brand new volume of manga !! <3#the bookstore had JUST gotten them in that day and hadnt even put them out yet !! it was so shiny and new !! >//<#they only had the first volume in stock so i cant wait for more to release !! :3#it was windbreaker !! m’ gonna collect figs of them too & so far i have 4 suo acrylic stands teehee i wuv my bf <333#I FINALLY GOT A GENYA FIGURE YESTERDAY !!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEK !!!!!!! i was so excited to find one !!#it was the same brand as the rengoku one so that was perfect !! >_<#i love collecting things that make me happy :>#anywhosies i’ll wrap this yap up teehee !! ^_^#I WUV YOU ALLLL !! <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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When people think they can “only” talk to me for an hour:
#once you enter my extrovert conversational vortex you will never want to escape#I just know this is what happens to Saikī when he goes out for dessert with Aiura#he's like [I'm going to be in there for 20 minutes max] and 4 hours later Aiura's like “aww this was so fun but I RLY gotta go babe ttyl!!”#and he looks at his watch like [WHAT] and he's been talking with her the whole time and spilled his guts for at least 90 minutes#he's tired after but getting out his feelings felt good. cathartic. afterwards he sleeps better than he has in ages.#the next time she invites him out he tells himself he'll give her an hour at most.#but after the coffee jelly she mentions how it's such a beautiful day outside so they go walk in the park for a bit.#at dusk she asks for him to walk her home and he realizes it's been 7 hours.#she kisses his cheek and says her goodbyes and he realizes he would have happily stayed a few more hours with her
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i spent all morning looking for the cheapest ways to get to venice next monday and i feel like i've cracked the code or something i think i got it
#i have to talk it with my mum cause she's the one with the money#but i've seen some good ideas#i have 5 options for now#for some reason flights to and from venice from madrid are expensive as fuck#so i'll have to get to another airport first#here are my options. keep in mind the exam i have to take is on monday 10 at 9:30 am. also ideally i wouldn't want to pay a hotel room#in venice. cause they're expensive as fuck#so let's see. you can also help me out all help is welcomed:#option 1. on sunday i get on a train to barcelona. i sleep in bcn (most likely in a hostel at the airport)#and at 6:35 am there's a flight to venice from bcn for 64€#i arrive at 8:25. i go take the exam#and there's another flight off from venice to bcn at 16:45 for 75€#this is the cheapest flight out of venice i could find so this will always be the flight back#and then i arrive at bcn at 18:45 and have cheap trains to madrid at around 20:00#option 2. i think this is the most likely one. it's similar to the previous one BUT instead of bcn i'd be flying from alacant#why is this important? because i have family there#more precisely my grandpa's sister. who just had a surgery#and my grandma wanted to go visit her. she was literally talking about this two days ago#so. if my mum agrees to it. she could drive us three to alacant on sunday#we would sleep at my great aunt (?)'s place#and then i'd have a flight at 5:45 to venice for 70€#i'll get to venice at 8:00 and then the going home plan is the same#if she doesn't agree i have trains to alacant for 49€. and even if i wouldn't sleep with family (i have tons in alacant not just#the great aunt) hotels are definitely cheaper than in bcn#option 3. there's a flight from santander on sunday 9 for 14€ !!!!!#i could get on a night bus to santander for 71€ and be there at 6:30. the flight is at 10:10 and i would be in venice at 12:15#i would have to sleep in venice but i think it would compensate for the flight being so cheap#and then you know the drill with the flight to bcn#option 4. this is also quite likely i think this is the cheapest and my favourite i think.#i could fly on sunday to florence from madrid for 54€. i would arrive at florence at 12:15
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I'm soooo excited to delete every single procedure documentation resource I created when I leave my bullshit office job. I will leave such a wreck in my wake that it crushes my current manager (who is responsible for nigh-yearly turnover in my role).
#Leaving my office job at 4:30 to go to my second academic research job where I am respected so much more drives this home every day!!#today current manager said 'sorry i wasn't listening. repeat that?' after he asked me to share whether I was overwhelmed in my current role#and i took that opportunity to say that I am proud of what I have accomplished this month but that the workload is not sustainable#he is always so disrespectful#well. wait a couple of months because I am gearing up to be hilarious :)...!
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I slept so much today AND we're falling back tomorrow so I get even more time to sleep AND I'm only working at caregiving job this month so my work is going to be contained to regular business hours <3 <3 <3
#a sock speaks#work tag#migraine? I don't know her#obviously this doesn't guarantee that I will sleep well but my chances are so much better#on the other hand I am going to need more meal planning or else I'll run into trouble there#at restaurant job I can just show up without eating first if I need to and just get some mozzarella sticks to eat when I get a free moment#for caregiving job I can maybe prepare a snack to eat at a client's house but I feel so awkward eating there#so if it's under 4 hours I'm probably not going to#and bc of my (not quite ARFID but bordering on it at some points in the past) picky eating I struggle with cold packed lunches#then I also have training this month in the afternoons#Zoom some days and in person other days#and the sessions are like 3-4 hours long so I assume there will be breaks but I need to plan so I don't crash#I think I'll usually have time to come home for lunch if I have things that are quick to microwave. worth the trip I think.
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just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK
#ugh i really want to kill someone rn im so mad#why can't he just fucking leave us alone#i know he used to be home 24/7/365 days just a year ago but istg it took us no time to adjust to life without him#now he comes home for like 2 days and my blood starts to boil i can't bear him he's so fucking irritating and interfering#mom coming home would have been relaxing finally burden free after 15 days#now the burden will be double tripled he's such a fucking lazy slob he can't even get his own glass of water#and he'll sleep in our room because it has ac UGHHHHHHHJHH it's so yuck i won't have a minute to myself and my mental health will decline#even MORE than it already has like if that's even possible#and he doesn't take his fucking meds so he's all weak and sick and lazy and he expects us to coddle him#well you know what fuck him im not even going to pretend to be happy that he's here or be nice to him and try to make him feel welcome#he broke this family up and it's going to stay broken up forever so fuck himmmm#and i have a freaking 750 ml bottle of vodka lying in my dresser what the fuck do i do with it now huh?????#it's only like 1/4th empty 3/4th is still full#and it's my sisters birthday on 26th and they'll both be here ugh i was sooo looking forward to actually celebrating with her#now she'll feel miserable and horrible and it'll be JUST like every other birthday she's spent at home#fucking grand#ugh god i sooo do not want to cook dinner for 4 people im so sick of this#and he isn't even satisfied with dinner he fucking eats like 4 times a day he wants a hot breakfast and lunch and evening snack and dinner#man i hope something happens to him and he isn't able to come🙏🙏 god if you're real 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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wow ok lots of things got done today!! virtually all of them by my mom who is a champion and is doing all the baby prep things i can't do because my hands are horribly broken. she put together the crib and the dresser, bought under-the-bed organizers, helped me sort and put away the huge bags of baby clothes people have given me, and is now PAINTING the nursery (and yes it's yet another shade of green i will not be accepting questions or criticisms at this time thank u). anyway this place is so ready for a baby! cannot believe i have five or more weeks left to wait!!!!!! i was also decently productive and got a bunch of work tasks done, then switched gears and wrote a million thank you notes... 26 down, 5 to go!!!
#tomorrow i am working from home again i think#and only have one meeting... with [r] at the end of the day#i am getting a deep tissue massage in the morning where they are going to really work on my arms/wrists/hands... pray 4 me#last night was not the worst night i've had painwise just medium terrible but today was really rough during the day for some reason#but i honestly think that giving up hope of improvement has allowed me to cope better#now it's not about fixing it it's just about finding ways to endure it for five to uhh eighteen more weeks#my mom leaves tomorrow and i don't want her to go :((((
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sorry. valentino rossi races in wec???
#since WHEN#me every few days like 'damn i wish i could get into moto gp fandom if only moto gp and everything it entails was not deeply triggering 4 m#but at least that means i am safe from the derangements rosquez would bestow upon me'#but now....the danger is nearer and closer than ever#i do love wec and think it deserves more respect than just#'the place u go when u fail out of every other motorsport category'#but also very funny to me how deeply it suffers from MLS retirement home syndrome.#like what do you mean nyck de vries and robert kubica just took each other out at the first corner. what are you talking about
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