#3k missed messages. im tired

[rhaaclaws]

no one understands how funny it is to me that diavolo has always been my favorite. foreshadowing

[emwritesstuff]

as the world caves in | ch. 9 | bucky barnes x reader

synopsis: You are a ghost story. A former Air Force pilot who had her plane shot down by Germany in 1945, but here you were in 2023, alive and frozen in your 25-year-old body.

You haven’t seen Bucky since the 1940’s, before his fall, before you went on a suicide mission only to come back alive. You aren’t sure reliving those memories – and being a living memory of everything the man has lost – is the best for him.

But you and Bucky won’t be apart for long.

This will loosely follow the plot of TFATWS - so spoilers ahead, specially regarding episode six (finale). Thread carefully!

masterlist | AO3

notes:  thank you everyone for your patience with this chapter. I'm dropping this lil shortie so we can get the story moving. Let's go! (warnings: lil' fluff, lil' angst) (word count: 3K) nine: records

Bucky knocked on your door a few weeks later.

It was late, and you were snug in your pajamas, winding down after a long day. With your identity no longer a secret, the government was in the midst of transferring you to something more… hands-on, and definitely less diplomatic, you were assuming; so much for retirement, but you figured 30 years of it had been more time than you could’ve anticipated.

You almost didn’t hear the soft rapping on wood over Vera Lynn’s mellow singing.

When you finally opened it, you found him standing there, wearing tired eyes and a dark coat. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I started walking and I—"

“When I said you’re welcome anytime, Bucky Barnes, I meant any time.”

A tiny fraction of a smile was offered your way, and you grasped it tight against your heart at the same time you do his hand, pulling him inside.

His fingers lingered on yours, but before you could start thinking about it he pulled away, taking a seat at the edge of your couch. “I finished it. The book.”

Bucky answered your question before you could ask it. “I just came from there. The last one– the last name.”

“Well. Are you alright?” You sat next to him, your knee knocking against his, and his gaze went from the floor, to the spot where your legs touched, and then to you. He knitted his eyebrows, seeming a little incredulous you were even asking.

“I will be.” His hands intertwined on the space between his knees, and you placed a hand ton his shoulder, getting him to look at you again.

“Yes, you will. Do you want to talk about it?”

One corner of Bucky’s lip raised up, and he shook his head. “Is that Vera Lynn?”

You smiled, turning to look at your record player as if Vera herself was sitting next to it. “It is. Takes me back, I guess.”

“It’s all we’d listen to at the front.”

Nodding, you wondered for a second if Bucky remembered dancing to We’ll Meet Again the night before he was shipped off. Even if you weren’t the only girl he had danced with then, you still asked yourself if that memory was burned on his mind as it was on yours.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when. A short-term promise, made back then by hopeful lovers, friends, family members; you had no idea that those lyrics would prove themselves so literal when you and Bucky mouthed them at each other in the middle of a dancefloor.

You let out a breathy chuckle, standing up and beckoning him to where you kept the rest of your vinyl. “Come on. Vera’s starting to feel a little too nostalgic to me.”

Your record collection was pretty extensive, ranging from things of the good ol’ days from the special editions that were still being released nowadays. Bucky joined you on the floor, and together you started to make your way through decades eternized in discs.

“Marvin Gaye.”

You look up from The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, finding Bucky making a face at the album he was holding. “It’s really good. Do you want to—”

“No. No more Marvin Gaye.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “You don’t like him?”

“I like Marvin Gaye! Jesus. Marvin is good—Marvin’s jus’ fine,” Bucky rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger, and you finally understood.

“Sam’s been preaching you the word of R&B to you too, huh?”

You giggled at the tired look he gave you and silently took Trouble Man out of his hands, stuffing it back with the rest of the 1970’s.

Years ago, Bucky would be delighted to dive headfirst in the new – your trips to countless science fairs and expositions were enough proof of that – but looking at him now, knowing him as you were starting to once again, you figured that just a dip of the toes was more than enough.

You pulled Frank Sinatra from the 1950’s section.

“I know Sinatra.”

“Do you now?”

You put the record on your player, and Vera Lynn’s longing gave way to Sinatra’s swagger and jazz.

“Do you?” Bucky teased, frowning at the most recent items in your collection. As soon as Frank’s voice filled the silence, he nodded. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

“I do know him! Or did. Met ‘im in 1962.” You plopped next to Bucky, who was shaking his head. “What?”

“Show off.”

“No, just been around. Met people on the way. And, you asked.” Your smirk grew into a grin as Bucky mouthed your words back at you. Then his face fell for a second, and your amusement was quickly replaced by worry. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I guess – I guess I just missed a lot.” The same way one of the corners of his lips tug on his cheek again in his attempt of a smile, melancholy tugs at your heartstrings. “I missed out on everything. And I missed out on you.”

Bucky’s head was low as he spoke and you could see the tremble of his hands, even though he clutched one of your records tightly. Nina Simone, 1960’s.

“M’not going anywhere, you know.”

“You still lived an entire lifetime—”

“I did, yes, thank you for constantly reminding me that I’m over 100 years old.” You shook your head at him, sighing softly when he chuckled.

You couldn’t blame him, for clinging to every bit of past he’d missed while he was in HYDRA’s clutches – you knew that was inevitable, but you wished that such sorrow wasn’t so related to you.

“What are you doin’?” He asked as you summoned a small stool from the side of your shelf and stepped on it.

“I want to show you somethin’.” The thing you were looking for was stored at the very top: a heavy, brown leather suitcase that almost made you lose your balance when you pulled it from the spot it had been sitting in for—honestly, years, many of them.

The contents of the suitcase rattled as you climbed down and sat next to Bucky again. Sinatra still playing, telling his lover I've got you under my skin, I've got you, deep in the heart of me;

You almost laughed from the truth and irony of it.

I'd tried so, not to give in

I said to myself this affair never will go so well

You unlocked the suitcase, revealing the gathered memories inside. Pictures, movie tickets, theater playbooks, receipts, trinkets. All souvenirs of the 80 something years of your life Bucky hadn’t been there to see.

Not organized in the slightest, the keepsakes of your life were tossed together and out of order just as in your memory: photographs of you in uniform, and sometimes in party dresses; of when you bought your house; of the few times you had pets. Posing next to famous people and other important ones whose names weren’t as well known by the world.

As you and Bucky went through each of them, you added a story or an explanation, sometimes both, to fill him in on the details of your life events. He laughed at some, frowned at a lot, stared at you intently for all of them.

“Is this Berlin?”

You hummed, nodding. “1989. That party was great.”

“Party?” Bucky knitted his eyebrows in surprise.

“The city was unified, the wall was being taken down, and everyone was celebrating. I’ve never seen that many bottles of vodka in one place.” You laughed, taking a good look at yourself in the picture.

The 80’s were definitely not your best decade, looks wise. You had tried a perm the year before, and the poodle look was only then starting to dial down. The beginnings of a bruise were starting to creep on your left eye, from the mission you had completed just a few hours before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk.”

Bucky’s surprise intensified, his eyes wide. “We can’t get drunk.”

“Yes we can.”

“No, no we can��t.”

“We can, in fact. It’s all a matter of quantity and, well, speed.” You giggled as Bucky’s mouth gaped more.

“And the hangover?”

“Horrible. Like getting shot on the forehead. Comes quickly, too.”

He grimaced, and with one last look – certainly to register your peculiar appearance on his mind – gently put the picture back inside the suitcase. A stack of papers seemed to call out to him and he picked it up, releasing them from the band that held them together carefully.

Postcards of the places you’ve been: a small note to James Barnes and Steve Rogers on the back of each one.

Bucky’s voice faltered. He let out an anguished little sound, probably something that was supposed to be an Oh, or a What, but had no strength to crawl up his throat.

You brought your knees to your chest as you waited for him.

“You—you wrote to us?”

“I did. You can keep those, they’re addressed to you.”

After all this time, you could barely remember the words you wrote in those postcards; all you knew was that some had longer messages, others a simple Wish you were here.

“After we met in Baltimore, I thought that— that you’d have moved on from us.”

From me.

As if that was possible.

“Well, I stopped writing by 2003, give or take. But really,” You sighed. “It’s hard to forget someone when you’ve always been expecting them to come back to you.”

Bucky flipped the postcard from Rome, read the writing and smiled wistfully at it. “And, I did.”

“You did. And staying away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but—”

“But you’re annoyingly stubborn.” His jaw tightened, then relaxed when he smirked. “I mean, I get it – If the roles were reversed, I’d leave you rebuild your life without me like a self-sacrificing idiot too.”

Alright. That was fair.

Shaking your head, you watched as he slipped the postcards in his pocket, an amused expression on his face.

“That was… a big mistake. Something a self-sacrificing idiot would do,” You screwed your eyes shut in shame, opening them when Bucky chuckled. “but now, I’m right here. And so are you.”

His stubble scratched the soft skin of your palm when you reached for him, and you continued. “We’re a little out of place in this century, that much is true, but if I’m being honest… I’m getting tired of yearning for the past, Buck.”

Good old times – sometimes really good, sometimes bad, every one of them old – tucked away in your heart like your records were tucked in neatly in their shelf, organized by year. As you went through the decades, your enhanced body eternizing you like marble, your heart seemingly stayed at that army camp overseas. Or maybe Sergeant Bucky Barnes had taken it with him, only for them to be frozen together, leaving you with an empty hole in your chest.

You lived your life longing for that missing piece, the one with blue eyes and the dashing smile and the skilled feet.

The one that in many other stories was the one that got away, the one who now believed he was somebody else, but had brought your heart back with him all the same.

The very heart that nearly leapt out of your chest when Bucky rested his forehead against yours.

You’ve never been this close – there isn’t an ounce of past in the gesture. His eyes being tightly closed kept him from seeing the surprise on your eyes and then how they fell to his lips for a millisecond. Then, those lips brushed against yours in a featherlike touch.

I would sacrifice anything, come what might

For the sake of having you near

He pried himself off you when you exhaled, as if your very breath had electrocuted him.

“M’sorry. I—I didn’t—” He said as you stared at the back of his neck, and the shock gives way to disappointment.

I didn’t mean to. Or maybe: I didn’t want to.

“That’s—it’s okay.” You clapped your hands on your knees, still feeling the prickle of his facial hair on them, and got up to change the music.

There was no doubt Bucky was touch starved, and that he probably craved the closeness that comes with a lover. He sought that for a fleeting second in Sam’s sister, and now in you. No point in dwelling on what it might have meant.

Right?

Looking at Bucky, his expression was overcast, furrowed eyebrows as he watched you from his spot on the floor. You offered him a gentle smile, and the crease on his forehead eased up slightly.

Right.

Don't you know little fool, you never can win

The record player made a scratching sound as you replaced Frank Sinatra with your go-to jazz compilation. Instrumental.

No lyrics.

There was one thing you’ve always been good at, regarding the infatuation with Bucky Barnes that has taken over your heart for almost a century now: locking the feelings away and stepping into the shoes of the best friend.

Besides, you’ve said it yourself: no more yearning for the past. Hopefully you and Bucky would be able to do that soon enough.

At that moment, however, you needed to feel the burn of whiskey down your throat and pretend it’ll heal the calcinating rejection spreading through your chest.

The guilt you found in Bucky’s eyes as he watched you sweep around your hardwood floors made you pour a glass for him.

He took it gratefully, frowning when you bottomed the whole thing up.

“There’s a lot in here.” He tapped the edge of the suitcase, skillfully steering the conversation in the direction of the more palatable, calm territory it was in before.

The sight of your autobiographical collection made you smile.

“An entire lifetime,” You said, fishing your dog tags from the bottom. “I suppose that’s where it started. Or at least, where thisstarted.”

Bucky took them reverentially, running his thumb over the imprint of your name and numbers.

He reached for his neck, producing from under his Henley the same type of metal chain he was holding in his hands. The fact that he still wore his like that sent a sharp blow to your lungs, almost knocking the air out of you.

His face softened, a smile so beautiful spreading across his lips, so much that your chest clenched in protest because it was simply not fair, how he still had you entirely.

He deposited both of your dog tags in your hands, and that’s when you saw it, and remembered it.

“Won’t we get in trouble for this?”

“Do you care?”

“Well…No.” You sighed, already resigned. And a little excited.

Bucky knew you well: it had been too long of being a good little soldier when all you were used to was the rush of being a hellion.

“And that is why, sugar, that I’m doing this with you, and not with Steve.”

The words made your heart soar, but you were sure to recapture it before it could fly away too high, still too attached to the sensation of the take-off to clip its wings.

You liked flying.

“And because Steve hasn’t been successful in his enlisting efforts. Yet.”

Bucky looked at you from behind his eyebrows, a reprimand hiding in his eyes, but he decided to shove his uniform hat on your head instead. You grumbled, calling him a jerk under your breath.

It was the night before Bucky was drafted to England. He looked handsome in his uniform, a shining, polished star, brighter than the sun even under the dim streetlight you two stood under.

After bringing his and Steve’s dates home (yours was lost to another boxing match along the way – not that you were crying about that) Bucky had decided he was going to stay up all night, because, in his words, he could sleep when the war was over. Or, more realistically, in the ship on the way to England.

So there you two were, illuminated by street lamps and moonlight, visiting the façades and front windows of your favorite places in Brooklyn like drifters in the night.

Bucky still concentrated on his task, his shoulder hunched slightly to block your sight.

“Let me see! Bucky!”

“ ’Sposed to be a surprise! I’m almost done.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “It’s not like I haven’t seen ‘em before.”

“You gotta be more patient. Here.”

He dropped your dog tags on your hand. You displayed the small steel plates on your palm, scanning your eyes over the two. One of them, of course, had your name, number, blood type, next of kin – an aunt you’ve never met – and address.

The other had Bucky’s.

James B Barnes. 32557038.

He slipped his own chain over his head, the plate with your name clinking against his.

You brought the tips of your fingers to your lips, feeling a smile begin to form onto them.

“I forgot we did this. I haven’t looked at these in so long.”

You had stopped wearing your dog tags the day the war had ended – Bucky was gone then, Steve too, and the weight of his dog tags slamming against your chest was too much to bear – your heart was already heavy with its own engraving of their memories.

“Steve had a lecture prepared when he gave mine back.” Bucky chuckled when you looked up at him, incredulous.

You shook your head, half exasperated and half amused. “Good grief, Steve.”

“Y’know how he is. Was,” He trailed, lips twitching as they formed a thin line.

You reached for him, your hand hovering in the space between you for a second before Bucky took it, lacing your fingers. Scooting closer, you let your cheek rest on his shoulder.

“He’d be glad we’re reunited.” You said, raising your head to peek at him and the newfound upwards curl of his lip. “And mortified we’re still bickering.”

Bucky smiled and squeezed your hand. “Old people. Old habits.”

Laughter bubbled out of your chest, and you realized a few things.

In that moment, it didn’t matter – the heartache, the unrequited side of your love. It was just a fact, a fact of life, of your life, that you a lot of the times loved him as more than your best friend. You loved him. And that was the core of it, the most important fact.

And you knew he loved you – you had each other – in this big, ever-changing, modern world, you had Bucky and Bucky had you.

You sat in comfortable, familiar silence until your eyelids grew heavy and you felt yourself drifting in and out of consciousness.

“You dozin’ on me, sugar?”

“It’s been a long day.” You said with your eyes still closed, feeling him chuckle beside you.

“Tell me about it. I can go—”

“You know damn well you should stay.” You patted his arm and hoisted yourself up from the floor. “I’ll get the pull-up ready for you.”

As you sauntered towards the office, ignoring his pleads and protests that he’s got it, he doesn’t need sheets or anything, you put your dog tags back on.

They jingled lightly against your heart.

Maybe you didn’t have to leave all of the past behind to start building something good and new, after all.

[sainz-zayn]

Constant love (Up to you)

He always asks for your consent and leaves everything up to you.

Warnings: Insecurities, suggestive themes, virginity loss, a little pyhsical violence.

Word count: 3k+

Disclaimer: All characters and event in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional.

This Story is Inspired by the song: Up to you

By: Prettymuch ft. Nct Dream

But in a little more mature way.

Jungwoo is your boyfriend for almost three years and you couldn`t ask for more than his love and affection. You`re always happy when you`re with him you love the way his eyes lit up whenever he sees you. 

Your favorite thing to do with him is cuddling or either cooking. Jungwoo loves skinship so much like holding your hands every time or back hugging you. You always love it when he`s clingy but sometimes you feel like you`re being unfair to him because he always asks for your consent when he wants to do something that can make you uncomfortable even though he`s been dating you for years now. 

You feel sad or sometimes guilty when you can`t give him what he needs as a man. Which leaves him sexually frustrated but that doesn`t stop him from loving you dearly. Jungwoo knows that you`re still not ready and he respects that. He`s ready to wait until you`re ready. 

"Y/n, are you okay?" You look at your side to see Joy talking to you. 

"Yeah, why?" You asked her before grabbing a glass full of water. 

"You Kinda look down today, to be honest." Joy looks at you with worried eyes, She looks at what you`re staring and now she knows why. 

You don`t know why but your anxiety is attacking you again. Yes, when it comes to your relationship with Jungwoo you`re always insecure. Your eyes wander to Jungwoo and Seohyun, you wonder if Jungwoo is enjoying his time with her. Your biggest fear is losing him or someday he`ll leave you. 

"You`re fidgeting your fingers again Y/n. There`s no need to be jealous, you know that Jungwoo loves you and only you." Joy said reassuringly.

"We both know how much I don`t like Seohyun right? like she`s always getting on my nerves. Also, don`t forget what she did to us in High School."  Yeah, you and a few of the boys know that Seohyun is a bully back in High school and Jungwoo doesn`t know that. 

"I know, I know now calm down we should leave and go somewhere else before anything happens" You and the other girls leave Taeyong's house before going to the mall. 

You enjoy the time that you have with them. Y`all eat anything that you want to taste and wandering around the mall to buy new clothes and dressing the girls to the point that you didn`t realize what time it is.

-*-

It`s currently 11:00 pm when you open your phone. Because you forgot that you turned it off before leaving Jungwoo at Taeyong`s house. 

"Oh shit!" You whisper to yourself so the other girls won`t worry about you. 

30 missed calls!? 50 unread messages!? from Jungwoo. You`re surely dead when you get home.

"Guys I have to go or else you know what will gonna happen" You just hug them before leaving first. You`re kinda nervous to go home because you`re sure that Jungwoo is waiting for you to come home.

-*-

Jungwoo is so worried that he called you 30 times but still no answer nor text, and what makes him even madder is that you leave without telling him or texting him. That's how he ended up drinking, he doesn`t know why but he just wants to.

"Where have you been!?" You`re startled at your boyfriend's loud voice. 

"I-I just go out with the g-" He cut off your words without letting you explain.

"Without telling me!? Do you know how worried I was!? It`s fucking late at night and there you are enjoying your time with your best friends. Completely forgetting that you have a boyfriend that is waiting for you!"  You just look down because you know that he`s right.

"Baby I`m sorry I forgot to turn on my phone. Trust me I don`t have any intention to purposely ignore your calls and text.”  You plead.

"Even though I`m jealous that your spending more time with Seohyun than me" You whispered the last part so he won't hear it but he did.

"What?" His eyes soften realizing what you feel and why you leave. 

"What`s, what?" You asked him while your eyes are wandering around to avoid his gaze.

"N-nothing" He stuttered and you wonder what`s with the sudden change in his attitude.

"I`m sorry for raising my voice at you" He said. 

"Did you drink?" You asked him softly before putting the bag on the couch.

"Yeah, a little I just need something to accompany me while waiting for you" He said and he peppered you with his kisses starting from your forehead, cheeks, lips, and neck.

Jungwoo doesn`t know what has gotten into him. He let his body talk, he caresses your back softly and the two of you stayed in the same position for at least a minute.

"I`m sorry I don`t know what has gotten into me. I`m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable" He said and clear his throat. You turn around to face him. You`re sad that you can`t give it to him but sooner or later you have to.

"No, don`t worry baby it`s okay." You tell him and you can see the disappointment that he tried to hide but you can see it in his eyes. 

" I`ll leave it up to you if you wanna spend the night when the time is right." You`re happy that he`s trying to comfort you even though he didn`t get what he wants from you. That is why you`re insecure about yourself, what if he`s not happy anymore because he`s always waiting for you. You hate that you still take your time even though you`re ready.

"Just remember that whenever you`re comfortable we can make that move" Jungwoo sigh before giving you a peck on the lips. 

"Let`s go to sleep now baby, you must be tired." 

The two of you enter your share bedroom and after a minute of laying on the bed Jungwoo falls into a deep sleep.

-*-

You wakeup without Jungwoo on your side and you feel sadder at what happened last night. He leaves early today I thought he said, he doesn`t have any schedule for the whole week but why is he gone?

Does he already eat breakfast or he leaves without eating breakfast? Jungwoo knows that you hate it when he`s not eating breakfast you'll always say.

"It`s okay to skip lunch or dinner, breakfast is the most important but it doesn't mean that you should skip dinner and lunch just because I say it`s okay to skip it." and he will just stay quiet because he loves it when you`re showing your motherly side.

You`re cellphone vibrates and you saw a Dm notification from an unknown person. You quickly check it and you're surprised at what you saw. You don`t know if you should cry or you should be mad, you should be... You don`t know anymore.

You look at the picture again to make sure you didn`t saw the wrong person but it`s real, it`s Jungwoo with Seohyun they look happy together.

"Nothing is going on, right? hanging out with a girl is normal. Calm down Y/n, you know is Jungwoo is not capable of what you`re thinking." You said to yourself to make you calm down.

"Here we go again! Y/n stop being insecure about yourself" You whisper at yourself and after long thinking, you just let them maybe Jungwoo have something important to do with her and that`s not bad.

-*-

"Hey, I know right he`s super handsome and I`ve been watching his dramas and movies. Don`t tell this to win-win but they have similarities" Joy is fangirling through the phone and saying how much he loves this one actor name Im Siwan.  

"I know right plus he`s attractive no doubt he`s your type" You stifled your laugh because you`re teasing her about her liking him.

"Yeah, yeah whatever" Joy said.

"I know that you`re rolling your eyes at me now even though I can`t see you Joy" You replied.

"Oh my god, how did you know? are you a psychic now Y/n, or are you stalking me? cause the last time I remember you`re a surgeon" She said changing her tone into a playful one.

"Oh, c`mon shut up!" The two of you laugh in unison when the door suddenly burst open.

"Joy I gotta go, bye love you." you end the call without letting joy bid her goodbye.

"I`m home" Jungwoo walks to the sofa to kiss you but you turn your head to the side making his soft lips land on your cheek.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked with disappointment in his eyes.

"Yes, I`m fine" You replied dryly.

"Uhm... Whom are you with earlier?" You asked with hesitation in your voice.

"I`m with the boys" He said while rubbing his temples softly.

So you`re lying now? How could you?

"Yeah right with the boys" and you smiled at him and he can see that something is off with you today.

"Can`t you just tell me what is wrong? I`m really tired right now I don`t want any problem to add up." He said making you offended.

"Okay, then I`m sorry if I`m causing you a problem just by asking you a simple question that you didn`t answer honestly. Now, Kim Jungwoo I`ll ask you the same question again I swear if you still answer the same thing I`ll leave!" He`s taken aback at your sudden outburst making him gulp. Yes, he lied it`s because he thinks that it will be better if you won`t know anything that happened earlier.

"Okay, I swear I`m with the boys but if you`re talking about this morning. I`m with Seohyun" You're trying so hard to control your jealousy right now because you want an explanation from him.

"W-why?" you stuttered.

"It`s because, because..." Jungwoo doesn`t know how to explain it but you need to know.

"It`s because of what Kim Jungwoo? are you fucking cheating on me!?" Your patience can`t wait anymore but you didn`t mean what you have just said to him.

"W-what!? of course not. Why would I do that when I`m completely contented just by having you." He exclaimed.

"Now let me explain and hear me out."  He explained everything that happened this morning and you feel guilty for thinking that he`s cheating on you.  

He said that he meets Seohyun this morning because he wants to personally talk to her. To make her stay away from him because Seohyun is hitting on him despite knowing that he has a girlfriend.

-*-

"I`m sorry" You whispered while caressing Jungwoo`s hand. You gave him a short kiss on his forehead before standing up.

"You don`t need to be sorry, baby." You`re startled at his voice. Oh, you know how much you like hearing Jungwoo`s morning voice.

"You know that I can wait until you are ready right? because that is not the reason why we are in this relationship." Jungwoo taps the other side of the bed signaling you to lay on it again.

"I know baby but I can`t let you be like this you always leave everything up to me even though we`re dating for years now." You scoot closer to his embrace.

"You don`t need to rush yourself we can do it albeit slowly" Jungwoo said making you more comfortable in his embrace.

"I love you, Jungwoo" You said.

"I love you too. By the way, get ready I`ll be picking you up at 8:00 pm" He said.

He`s waiting for you to greet him but nothing. He wonders if you forget what day it is. But no, you didn`t forget it, it`s is a special occasion for the two of you.

"Okay baby" you smile sheepishly at him.

Tomorrow is your 3rd anniversary and you`re more than happy to celebrate it with him.

-*-

You wear your favorite black dress, Which goes above your knee and perfectly hugging your curves.

"Tonight is the night Y/n, no need to be nervous" You said to yourself at the exact time you heard a car honk outside your house. You hurriedly go downstairs and you see Jungwoo leaning on his car with a bright smile.

"You look gorgeous as ever, babe." He said before opening the car door for you.

"Where are we going tonight?" You asked him still acting like you forget what day it is today.

"At the club, they are waiting for us today are you sure you didn`t forget anything?" he tried to point out and he`s so obvious that he`s looking for an answer.

"No why?" you asked.

"Nothing" he smiled and you wonder how long you can keep up with this thing.

"Baby we`re here" Jungwoo said and he gets out of the car to open the door for you.

"Thank you" you kiss him and the two of you go inside the club.

"What's up dude!" you heard mark greeting Jungwoo with a fist bomb.

"Y/n! Y/n" You heard Joy and Irene calling you by whispering your name.

"Tonight is the night there`s no more turning back since today is a special occasion for you and Jungwoo." Irene said and she gives you a teasing wink.

"I know that`s why I`m all dolled up today" You said and you met Jungwoo`s intense gaze. To the point that you can`t help but blush, you approach Jungwoo and he opens his arms for you to hug him.

"Happy anniversary baby I love you so much" And he pulls you into a more tight hug you can`t help but smile while inhaling his manly scent.

"I thought you forgot about it" He leaves a kiss on your forehead and you look up at him.

"I would never forget this day Jungwoo, this is a very important day for us" You smiled and he let go of you to grab a drink.

"C`mon guys let`s have a toast for the two love birds here!" Jaehyun said making Mayjun stifle her smile because of Jaehyun`s cuteness.

You raised your glass too for everyone to follow when the guy that is with Seohyun said something disrespectful that makes Jungwoo`s blood boil in anger.

"Who is that sexy girl?" The guy said at Seohyun.

"Oh, that? she`s Y/n. Now, can we stop talking about her it`s annoying

"She looks sexy I wonder how good she is in bed" The guy said.

Jungwoo heard it and that is his breaking point he grabs the collar of the guy making everyone shocked.

"What did you just fucking say!?" Jungwoo asked and he can`t control his emotion and everything happened so fast. The guy punches him and the guy got punch by Jungwoo and he fell to the ground.

Doyoung and Jaehyun quickly hold Jungwoos Shoulder to stop him from fighting the guy.

"Babe, Calm down" You look at him worriedly and the little cut on his lips is bleeding.

"Watch your man!" The guy said with a perverted gaze on you.

"You should watch your mouth!" Jungwoo fights back and he tried to remove Jaehyun and Doyoung's hands on him. And he did it, he punch the guy for one last time before grabbing your wrist to run away from the crowd.

Your friends look confused but they managed to block the guy that is ready to chase the both of you.

"Kim Jungwoo!" You warn him but his giggles echo through the halls and you laugh with him while happily running.

"How can you laugh right now when you`re completely hurt?" and the two of you stop in front of the elevator and you go inside it. He looks at you as if you`re his whole world.

"Because I`m always happy when I`m with you" He drags you into a room and you`re heavy breathing right now.

"I checked us in, in this hotel we can rest here for the night and also that door." he point to a white door. “It is connected to Jaehyun`s and Mayjun`s room so it`s easy for us to communicate and their room is connected to Johnny and Yoona`s room.” He said and kisses you on the lips. You`re not even shocked at why he knows the hotel  so well, it`s because cause he owns it.

"C`mon I`ll treat your cut on the lips" and you drag him in the bathroom to clean it.

You lean more closer to him, even though the two of you is dating now for three years he's always fluttered when ever you`re being affectionate. Just in time he quickly pulled you into a passionate kiss making you shocked.

"Nobody`s watching I got you all alone no Interruptions, it`s hard for me to hold my own and hold back" He said and his forehead is leaning to mine.

"Tonight I don`t want you to hold back baby" You whispered in his ears seductively.

"Before we hit the road if you ain`t ready to go, just tell me that you`re sure." He said with sincerity in his voice.

"Tonight you can do whatever you want" You said back.

"Just wanna make sure, you`re sure" He smiled and he's now touching your legs slowly.

"Remember when you said to me that "If you wanna spend the night when the time is right". That night is tonight baby" You hold his hands slowly guiding them to your waist.

"The distance between you and me, is it okay this close?" He asked you while slowly taking his time to understand what`s happening right now.

"I will keep up with your step, so nothing to worry about" He added.

With that, he kisses you passionately everything about the kiss says it all. Love, lust, and needs.. Jungwoo carries you to the bed and he loosens the tie of his suit.

"Ain`t no pressure but we can keep this right here if you want me to stop baby" He said again. Oh gosh, why does he always ask for your consent.

"Tonight I`m so tired of making you stop and denying you baby so there`s no turning back" The softness and neediness in your voice are so obvious.

"If you`re down and you`re ready to rock, I`m not gonna make you stop." He replied seductively making you bite your lips in anticipation.

"I can`t hold back now baby" He said.

"Then don`t hold back" you said.

"That`s it, enough talking, and let`s do this"

He covers the two of you with the blanket and he makes sure that his name is the only thing that will come out of your beautiful lips.

Meanwhile, in the other room, someone is complaining.

"What the fuck!? I know that my two best friend is enjoying their time but I need to sleep too" Mayjun said covering herself with a pillow making Jaehyun laugh at her.

"Shut up Jung Jaehyun!" And he did stay quiet.

"Okay, now I have an idea mayjun to make you sleep" Jaehyun peppered Mayjun with kisses.

"Oh, shut up your horny ass jaehyun!" and mayjun throws the pillow at him.

"C`mon Kim Jungwoo! I swear shut the fuck up!" Jaehyun yelled so that you and Jungwoo can hear them.

-*-

You and Jungwoo laugh at them and you clean yourself and change with new clothes.

"I`m sorry! you can now sleep peacefully!" You yelled back at them making Jungwoo laugh and nod his head a little.

"Thank you, babe, or else my boyfriend won`t stop bothering me" Mayjun yelled making the four of you laugh.

"Let`s sleep now baby you must be tired because of daddy" Jungwoo said with a smirk.

"Stop with the dirty jokes Kim Jungwoo" you slap his arms playfully.

"Okay, okay good night I love you" He said with sweetness in his voice.

"I love you too baby only you" and you kiss him on the lips.

Consent is one of the most important things in a relationship and you`re lucky that you have Kim Jungwoo the one and only man of your life and will always be. And that`s how your constant or endless love relationship with Jungwoo last more than you could Imagine.

[league-of-thots]

Leave Me a Message

Pairing: Hawks x reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, some suggestive themes, um gl with this? im told by my beta it was very sad

Words: 9.4k 

A/N: so um. this happened. First off, if you’d like to go break your heart some more, go check out the MASTERLIST because everyone worked super hard on these and there are some really amazing writers.

Og, this was supposed to be 3k, and then it just kept going and im suffering ok jesus that was so long. it was also kind of a way for me to get out some of my own inner turmoil around some stuff and i fucking loved writing it. ...not to be lame but yes i did cry writing it (shhh) anyways, i hope you enjoy? as much as you can enjoy angst of course.

         Hawks doesn’t do commitment. He’d said that from the start, that he wasn’t out looking for someone to try and grab his heart from out his chest, that he was simply looking for someone to keep his body company. He told you that he was tired of the press making a big deal of him being single, that all you would have to is hang out with him a bit, dates and couple things. He said that he’d been missing some company, that it would be amazing to have someone to spend some of his (very little) time off of patrol with. It was simple to you, who wouldn’t take the opportunity to be on the arm of a successful pro hero? Who would turn down the chance to learn more about the elusive Hawks, the one who’d baffled the media’s attempts to discover anything about him at all?

         You told yourself you weren’t going to make the mistake of getting attached, he was the number two hero after all, he had so much choice. There was no way you were going to be an idiot about it, this was only for some curiosity about the man.

         You enter the bar, a little awestruck at how clean and upscale it was. Of course, it wasn’t too surprising given the fact that this was the number 2 pro hero. He was bound to have some cash to throw around for a good time, plus he’d already told you that he’d be paying for the night.

         How could you refuse him?

         The night started out slow, the two of you lightly discussing regular day to day topics, but it intrigued you how carefully he spoke about everything. You didn’t really know him but you could’ve sworn that he had a plan with everything that he said, that everything he did was carefully calculated. To be honest, it was a little chilling, but as the alcohol started flowing along with the conversation, he relaxed a bit and you had to admit that he was a really fun person to talk to.

         The two of you had gotten closer in the circular booth as the night had gone on, blaming the loud surroundings and dim light so that you could see and hear each other better. He had this dry wit that left you struggling for breath as you laughed at his jokes and his teasing. He seemed to be enjoying himself too, but honestly, you couldn’t really read him at all.

         It was getting into the wee hours in the morning when the conversation took a more serious turn, the conversation starting to be about what this was, and what this would be.

         He was quite direct that he’d make it worth your while

“No offense, love, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m just not good at relationships. They’re not my thing. But I’m lonely and bored, and honestly? You caught my eye.” He’d said this in a low voice to you at the bar, his breath tickling your ear and you flutter your eyelashes up at him.

         “Are you asking me for a night of fun, Mr. Hawks?” you say coyly.

         “Maybe a night, maybe more if I like you.” He leans in to whisper to you, “You’ve got a pretty good chance babe.”

         “You’re not worried about me not liking you?” you weren’t really taken aback; it was to be expected from the number two hero that if you came to meet him, you were interested in him for sure.

         He leans back, with his hands behind him. “If I’m reading your body language right, and I’m pretty good at that y’know, then I’d say you’ve been pretty excited the whole night.”

         You laugh a bit at that. “Well, you’re not wrong I guess.”

         “Then I have nothing to worry about at all.”

           Your arrangement with Hawks started as a few dates in more secluded public areas, the first being a movie which you’d taken a bus to get too. When you’d gotten there, you went inside like he had asked you too. There, you saw him in the furthest corner, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. It wasn’t working well and you had to stifle a giggle as you walked up to him.

         The only reason that people didn’t seem to be coming up to him was the fact that the normally upbeat and friendly hero was closed off, and looking rather downtrodden.

         “Hey, Hawks.” You say, bumping his shoulder with your own playfully. “How’re you doing.”

         “Better now that you’re here,” he smoothly slips his arm into yours, face morphing into a slightly happier expression. “Would you happen to be a fan of popcorn and a drink at the movies, Y/N?”

         “Of course! How can you have one without the other?” He smiles at that, a quick upturn of his lips and its quickly gone again as he guides you to the counter to get some snacks and drinks. It wasn’t supposed to be an incredibly exciting movie, but it was supposed to be decent enough that the two of you could enjoy it together and relax without really having to push through any awkward tension that could still be around with the two of you being relative strangers.

         It was like a neutral ground to start off the fake relationship, while the two of you could learn about one another. It had to look real in public after all, Hawks wanted people off his back.

         Although, the last night the two of you had spent together after the bar had certainly been real. It had also left you so sore you could barely walk the next day, but that was another story for another day.

         The two of you sit down in one of the further rows, but not in the back. You have a good view of the screen; you notice as you sit down with Hawks.  You look over to him, and see that carefully guarded neutral expression on his face again. It’s almost as if there’s a mask he has under the skin of his face, that snaps back into place whenever it falters for a little, or he actually shows something of his true thoughts.

         It was almost eerie how well he did it, how second nature it seemed to him. No wonder the press couldn’t get shit on him, you thought, he’s not exactly an open book to read, and he’s actively trying to make it harder for people. You wondered if it was just because he preferred his privacy or if he had a really big secret that he felt he needed to keep.

         That was almost amusing, thinking the reason Hawks was so mysterious is some large secret that there was pressure on him to keep.

         The opening previews shook you out of your thoughts, seeing one for a book to movie adaptation that was coming out soon and you were super pumped to see. It had your favourite director working on it, and they said they’d worked closely with the author during the script writing process you and were really hopeful that it would turn out well.

         You looked to Hawks to whisper this to him in excitement and he leans over so you could whisper it so as to not disturb the people around you. When you’re done, he turns to whisper back in your ear, “Guess we’ll be back at the movies soon then.” He watches your face become a bright smile, a little heat in your face from excitement and a little embarrassment as he was giving you his full attention as you fangirled a bit.

         The movie was actually pretty decent, you thought during the middle of it. The acting carried the script though, and they were lucky at how much chemistry there was between the actors given most of them hadn’t done movies with each other before. A little way after that, Hawks leaned back in his chair, actually more relaxed than you’d ever seen him before, as he brought his arm back around you. You rolled your eyes at the little cliché he’d performed, but still found it sweet. You could feel the warmth he gave off and it made you feel comfortable and safe.

         After the movie, the two of you parted ways, but not before he gave you a sweet kiss on the cheek, and the promise to see you soon.

         “I’m going to be really busy the next few weeks, so it might be a little while before we can do something like this again.” He warned, “Things are really picking up with criminal activity and such.”

         “If you were going to be so busy you should be at home resting,” you scold, and then your eyes widen in shock at what you’d just blurted out. “I, uh- I mean…” you try to recover but Hawks was laughing hard.

         “Trying to get rid of me so soon? I thought the date was pretty fun, myself.” He teases, seeing what you’ll do next.

         “It was! Just um-, you’ve got to be safe out there and stuff. So, you should get your rest, I would understand if you had to cancel because of that.” You finish a little lamely.

         “That’s very sweet, Y/N, it really is. But honestly? Doing something like this is way more of a recharge for me. Makes me relax a little bit. So, thank you for the nice date. That is if you’ll have me?” he cocks an eyebrow with a crooked smile.

         “Of course, now go get some sleep, bird brain.” He chuckles, and with a wave he’s off, streaking through the air. You’re hit with a bit of a gust of wind, but seeing him fly up close? Totally worth it.

         You turn around and start walking to the bus stop that’ll take you back home, it had been quite a good date and you were in high spirits.

         You could see this whole arrangement working out quite well for you, if that first date was anything to go by.

           The fourth date was the one that he really started to show you what actually lay beneath the mask that he put on all the time. The two of you had been texting over a few weeks, and because he was so busy, a couple short get togethers happened, but this was the first time he had a whole day off for a long time.

         The topics the two of you had been texting about varied to asking simple questions about what kind of tea was your favourite, to what you thought would happen to you after you died. That had been a weird night, but you saw the next day it had been because Hawks had been on patrol and had been unable to completely save people from a villain. It had been one person out of hundreds, but you could feel his guilt through the screen.

         Among the lighter topics though, you found out that Hawks hadn’t really ever learned how to cook or bake. He said that he never learned from anyone, so he mostly did takeout and easy to make meals. You decided it would be fun to teach him how to bake, there were a few sweet treats that were easy enough to do. Certainly, he’d be able to handle it, you thought, especially since he made so many other difficult things look easy.

         Hawks, in fact, could not handle it, you’d later find out.

         The doorbell rings, and you take off your apron that you’d been wearing to get the baking started so that it wouldn’t take as long. There was still a fair amount of work to do, and the icing had to be made. You’re really hoping he enjoys it, it’s a new idea and you’re a little nervous.

You greet him and take his coat to hang it up as he takes off his shoes, he’s wearing cargo pants and unmatching socks, one pink and the other grey, along with a black t-shirt. You let him look around a bit before directing him to the kitchen a little nervously.

“Um, so I was thinking because you said you’d never really baked before that we could try and make a little something?” you’re fiddling with the hem of your shirt as he grabs your hands to stop you from doing that.

“That sounds like a really fun idea, Y/N. It’s really cute.” He gives you a quick smile as you smile at the praise. “Now. What are we making Chef?”

You giggle a bit at that. “I was thinking a carrot cake with some buttercream icing.”

“Well that doesn’t sound easy.” You shush him.

“It is! And I’ve already done some of it, so we can eat it sooner.”

He looks unconvinced. “I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“It’s baking,” you scoff. “You save people for a living, I’m pretty sure you can handle some baking.”

Famous last words, the start wasn’t to bad, Hawks fallowing your instructions carefully. It was when he got confident that he first fucked it up.

“So, now all you have to do is whip this with the blender for a few minutes around the bowl. When it starts getting a thicker consistency let me know, because that’s when you have to hand do it.” You’d decided on cinnamon rolls with a nice smooth icing on top that would become a glaze.

“Got it,” he chirps, putting the metal parts of the hand mixer in the bowl before starting it up and putting to medium high like you’d instructed him to do. “Maybe you were right, sweets, this isn’t too bad.”

“See? Even a bird brain like you can get it!” you laugh.

And then it happened.

After you said that to him, he turned around to give you a playful spank on the ass, forgetting he’d been holding the bowl on the counter in place with his hand. At the same time, he lifted the hand holding the mixer.

You both let out a sharp cry of surprise, you from getting slapped and both of you from the loud crash and the bowl goes flying and the icing gets flung everywhere. You look at him slack-jawed as he frantically turns off the hand mixer and gives you a sheepish look.

“Oops?” he says with a nervous smile.

“Oh. My god.” You get out before you start laughing so hard you’re keeled over, your stomach starting to hurt. “What the fuck Hawks? Hahah! How did you manage to get the bowl to fly that far!”

He scratches his hair and laughs along with you. “I’m actually really unsure, I honestly thought that I was going to get through this without messing it up. Sorry I ruined the icing, Y/N.”

You wave your hand. “It’s fine, cinnamon rolls are still good without the toppings.”

“Hold up.” You turn over and he has a calculating look on his face. “Is this why you did most of the mixing before I got here.”

“Noooooo…… of course not.” You say unconvincingly, knowing he already knows the answer.

“You’re so mean to me,” he pouts, sticking out his bottom lip like a child.

“Hey, but now we can still eat the cinnamon roles! So that’s a good thing.” You say brightly, swiping a bit of the icing with your finger and popping it in your mouth. He looks down at you and for once his eyes crinkle with a genuine smile and your heart skips a beat. He’s absolutely stunning, you think.

“Uh, let’s get – let’s get this all cleaned up, alright?” you get out turning yourself around to distract your thoughts from him. And his eyes, when they crinkle, and oh my god he’s such a cutie, what the fuck?

You somehow manage to avoid acting like a fool for the remainder of the time while the two of you clean up, trading words and jokes with one another, the conversation flowing like a lazy stream.

When they were done you squealed out in excitement and grabbed some mitts to take out the pan but as soon as you open the oven door, some feathers zip in to grab it. You look over at him and he gives you an innocent smile.

“Wouldn’t want you to accidentally drop them.” You scowl.

“I’m not the one who made a mess of the whole kitchen, you dork.”

“Fair enough, where do I put these?”

“Just put the tray on the pads in the dining room, I’m going to make some tea.”

“Alright.”

Once the water is heated, you grab a few different packets to see what he wants, and make your way over to the table with him. You gesture at the tea packets, and he takes the Camomile tea and you open the kettle to let him drop it in.

“Now we just have to wait for the tea to steep and the rolls to cool down! Not too bad if I do say so myself.” You tell him happily. It had been really fun watching him do something so carefree, he seemed more relaxed than normal.

“It was really fun Y/N.” he said with what you thought genuine sincerity. “I never got to really do this before, and it was a lot different than I thought it would be baking with someone.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it Hawks!”

“Uh, you could call me Takami? That’s my family name. Keigo Takami.” He says, stumbling over it a bit, as if the words were trying to rush themselves out of his mouth.

You pour out the tea into the cups you have, and you watch him dive into the rolls, face lit up. He really likes his sweets, and he says how good they are and how he was so amazed he’d had a part in making them.

“Most of the stuff I try to cook either tastes bland, gross, or its burnt.” He mentions offhandedly.

You look at him closely. “Seriously? I’m going to have to teach you how to cook so you can actually get some healthy food into you aren’t I?”

“You don’t have to do that!”

“Yes, I do.” He doesn’t argue with you, knowing that the battle is lost, and accepts it with a sigh.

The two of you finish the night by watching a movie, which leads to something, which leads to something else… It was a pretty awesome date night you think as you drift off to sleep.

           Although doing ‘couple-like’ things in public, you found the two of you were growing closer as friends, at least, outside of any bedrooms. There was something free and liberating about being a friend (with benefits) to Keigo, and you got to glimpse the tiny parts of his life that had physical forms, whether it be photos, or actions or stories.

         The more you learned though, the more you wanted to know more about him, to understand him and be there for him.

         You saw how lonely he actually was, he really wasn’t joking when he’d said that to you on the first night the two of you had seen each other in person. How his life when he wasn’t being the Number Two Hero was empty as if he didn’t really know what to do with it, as if he were lost and didn’t really know himself either.

         The only picture he had of people in his house was one with him, and a middle-aged woman with weary eyes that must’ve been his mother. The photo was a little yellowed, and a little crumpled, but the frame was simple wood with intricate carvings on the side. There was a wooden flower beside it.

         What had happened to him? To his family?

         Sometimes when you called him Keigo as you entered a room and he wasn’t facing you; he would shudder as if someone had a knife pressed to his throat, and there was nothing that he could do about it. Or when sometimes he would dose off and mumble in his sleep for someone to help him, he promises he’d do better next time… You always tried to wake him up gently when that happened, and he’d thank you and then shut down any attempts to talk about it. Every time. Not a single word.

         So, you let it be.

         Obviously, he didn’t know how to not be alone, and it stung you to the very core that nobody else was really there for him.

         Everyone needs a friend, and you were happy to be that friend for him.

           You realized the predicament you were in suddenly one day as you were going into your regular café for your morning coffee, ordering one for yourself and one for the winged hero who you planned to spend some time before patrol with. You didn’t even second guess ordering his coffee just as he liked it, excited to see the smile on his face when you’d give it to him. He’d still get surprised by the little gestures you’d do to show him that you cared, that it wasn’t just a game for you, that you were his friend.

         You hadn’t realized how rare it was to get a genuine smile from him, but you were willing to do so much just to see it. Then it hit you. You wouldn’t go to these lengths for any friend, Keigo was special to you in a way that the other’s in your life weren’t. You think you know what that means, and it terrifies you.

         You knew he didn’t do the whole relationship aspect, he’d said as much, and everything in his life had backed that up as well.

         The barista has to call you a couple times for you to snap you out of your mild panicked thoughts, looking a little annoyed. You quickly apologize, shoving your feelings down and grabbing the coffees hastily as you make your way to the place where he’d be meeting you. You were going to be a couple minutes late, which always made you flustered, and on top of that you were freaking out about trying to keep those emotions you’d buried down there.

         They were not going to see the light of day, you promised yourself that. Maybe you could cram them down so far deep that they’d disappear.

         Ha. As if. You knew it wasn’t going to be that easy, but that was a later problem that you weren’t prepared to deal with right now.

         When you get there, a smile does light up his face as he thanks you, relishing the coffee. The two of you start walking down the street, Hawks waving at people who yell at him, putting on that fake-smile-that-looks-real for people who ask him to join them in a picture, or sign something for them.

         He did it all with patience, but through the cracks you could see the weariness dripping through. The way he put it was that he wanted to do as little work as possible. You assume that’s for this part of the hero business as well.

         “Well, thank you for your support! I’ll be sure to do my best, don’t worry.” He says to a little boy, bending down and flicking his hat, which gets a smile and a giggle from the kid. “Thank you all for your support!” he says loudly as he stands up, and people cheer before easily making their way away from him, the dismissal clear.

         The two of you sip your coffee as you walk down the street. You said you’d go for a quick walk around the city with him before he has to clock in for patrol. While you’re walking, he laces his fingers with yours.

         “You don’t mind, do you?” he mutters under his breath. Your pulse is fluttering but you shake your head no and sip on your coffee. “Good, it’s getting chilly.”

         After you drop him off you can’t help but look at your hand and smile, giggling to yourself a bit as you squeeze your hand. His hand had been so smooth compared to what you thought it would be like, but then again, he didn’t really fight with his fists and he wore gloves. It had felt so good though, the weight of his hand in yours.

           After you noticed how you felt about Keigo though, it became harder and harder to try and ignore the feelings that seemed to bubble up whenever the two of you would talk or text or hang out. Little pangs of excitement would ring out against your will whenever the chime of the ringtone you’d set for him would sound.

         You perk up a little as once again it alerts, going over to read what he sent you.

Keigo: gonna have to be away a little more in the next few weeks -_-

Y/N: aww why :(

Keigo: secret stuff shhhhhh. I gotta go check out some weird villain movement

Y/N: stay safe ok?

Keigo: don’t worry, they won’t catch me im too fast :P

Y/N: srsly if you die ill kill you >:(

           You don’t hear from it at all in the next few weeks, and you didn’t realize how much the two of you had been in contact with, but your days felt strangely empty without the noise that he made so often.

         You missed him, and more than that, you were worried about him so much. Since when did top heroes go on secret assignments? Wasn’t that stuff for the underground heroes to take care of? Why did he sound so calm about it?

         The questions whirled around in your head, day in and day out. The couple of weeks pass in a daze for you, everything seeming out of wack in your life. Part of you was angry at yourself for being so distracted by him, and the other part was busy screaming all the worst-case scenarios that could happen to him. You have nightmares about him injured and bleeding, eyes lifeless. You check your phone at least a few times whenever you can, just seeing if maybe he’s sent a text to you.

         You’ve sent him a few messages here and there, small things like “I hope you’re doing ok!”, or “I miss you”, or “I’m really hoping you’re safe.”

         In the middle of the third week, you hear that chime and you jump up, excited. It’s a short message, but he must be exhausted from his mission, he was away for so long. He asked if you could go over to his apartment sometime soon. Said he needed to talk to you and stuff. His text was short and to the point, he seemed nervous about something.

         Some of the worries had disappeared at the ringing noise came creeping back at that, but you responded that you would whenever you were both free. He said that he’d be off of work for a little while, which was concerning, so you were going over tomorrow. You settled in for a rough night.

           What were you supposed to bring to someone’s house when they had been tossed into secret mission to track down some dangerous villains and were most likely injured? There wasn’t a handguide on that unfortunately, but you did know that he loved one of the soups you had made one time. So, you made some in the morning when you got up, put it in a container and on your way to his apartment for lunch.

         Hopefully that would be acceptable, even though you knew Keigo didn’t really care that much about pomp and other gifts. You think he was grateful to have some company, he loved being on the move and sitting still for a long time would be a special type of hell.

         So, you wanted to do something nice for him.

         In all honesty, you didn’t think it would be that bad when he opened the door with a bruised and cut face, as well as an arm sling with his ribs all bandaged up.

         “Oh my god!” you screamed, your free hands flying up to your face. “What the hell happened to you!” he shushes you and pulls you into the apartment.

         “Not so loud! It’s not public!” he chastises you.

         “Oh, right sorry. I’m just – Keigo, what happened to you? You disappear for almost three full weeks and you come back looking as if someone used you as a punching bag.”

         “Surprisingly enough, that metaphor is rather accurate.” You feel your eyes bugging out of your head and he sees that. “Hey! Don’t worry, this isn’t the worse I’ve been beaten up- Oh god that’s probably not comforting.”

         “No, it isn’t! Is there anything you can tell me?” you plead.

         He shakes his head sadly, pretending to zip up his lips and lock them. “But I can tell you that I’ll be back to normal in about a week or so. I could also tell you about the people I met that weren’t y’know, villains. And you brought soup! You’re the best dove.” You blush a little at the new nickname, but you did notice that the nervousness he’d had when he’d been texting with was definitely still there and it put you off a little bit.

         The two of you ate, the only sounds coming from eating, and the brief comments that Keigo was giving about where he’d been. You nodded in interest, interjecting every once and a while to ask a question for detail.

         After the meal, the two of you sat down together in silence until Keigo cleared his throat.

         “Can I talk to you about something more serious?” You nodded, here came what he’d been stressing about since last night. “God, ok this is harder than I thought for some reason.” He gives a dry chuckle. You stay silent. “Um, I think we’re going to have to take a break from the whole ‘side benefits’ we got going along, you okay with that, dove?” ah. So, this was it. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears. But at least you knew what, now you wanted to hear the why.

         But Keigo was fickle, he didn’t like being backed into a corner. If you would’ve directly asked, you’d get no answer that would satisfy you. So you sit their with your heart falling out of your chest.

         “I mean, if that’s what you want.” You say as neutrally as possible, trying to hide the hurt from your features. It didn’t work as well as you planned based on Keigo’s scowl.

         “You’ve got to talk to me, what about that makes you upset?”

         “It’s nothing, I’ll get over it. I knew this wouldn’t last forever.” You mutter, trying to shrug him off. At least this way you could get over him, maybe.

         “I did say no guarantees at the beginning,” he frowns. It felt like he was rubbing it into your face, and it fucking stung like a cut being washed with rubbing alcohol. “I told you that I’m not good with this whole interpersonal thing.”

         “Yeah, I fucking know that!” each word was like a sting, and your voice echoes in the empty apartment. “Can you at least tell me why.” You hate that your voice cracks on that last sentence.

“There’s this someone I’ve been talking too, when I was out there. A little rough around the edges, but really fucking amazing. I was trying to slip into their friend group you know? Turns out we felt the same way.”

         You feel your heart drop out of your chest and into your stomach. “Wow, Keigo! That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you!” you hear yourself say. The words ring hollow, but he’s so wrapped up in his excitement that for once, he doesn’t notice.

         “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” he enthuses, impassioned. “It’s like a totally different wavelength you know.” His feathers were doing this cute little ruffling, and your heart ached. You had to keep your hand back from going to smooth them. Some nights, when the two of you were just hanging out and relaxing, he’d let you smooth them out. He said it felt good, and the texture always made you feel calm.

         You needed some of that calm right now.

         “I’m glad you found someone then.” And you really were, you knew how alone he was. You were happy he found someone he liked. You just wish it had been you.

           You think it was some type of torture, watching Keigo fall in love with someone else. The way he’d talk with his eyes lighting up, the way that he’d do that thing where his feathers would ruffle when he’d think of them with a dopey smile on his face when he thinks you’re too occupied to pay attention to him.

         It fucking killed you when it happens, although you made no effort to break away from him. You couldn’t. You knew that he needed you there, he’d said as much with his small actions, the way he thanked you every time you spent time with him.

         You wondered what you had done to deserve this.

           Eventually, it was too much for you too handle, when he’d started leaving the city more often to go visit them, you started making excuses for why you didn’t have as much time for him in the few weeks.

         “Works really busy this week sorry.”

         “Oh, I’m sick, and I wouldn’t want you to catch it”

         “I’m sorry I’m really tired, I can’t hang out today.

You couldn’t get over him, and you couldn’t tell him either. It seems you could do nothing but ache while he prospered.

It was hard, making distance. You hadn’t realized how close the two of you had gotten, and you hadn’t realized that you had needed him as much as he needed you.

         The phone rings and you see the caller.

         Of course, it’s him. It seems no matter how you try to distance yourself you can’t really get away from him. It always seems like you’re in his wingspan. Always in his reach.

         You pick up the phone, “Hey Keigo! What’s up.”

           You were a fucking fool. Keigo might’ve been the one with the wings, but you’d flown too close to the sun that you’d wanted to see and learn about. The sun that you’d wanted to bask in the warmth in and claim as your own.

         You’d forgotten one of the first things that he’d texted you.

         It hurt so bad.

         You were such an idiot.

           At first when Keigo said he’d been dumped a few months later; you didn’t believe him. Who the fuck would tell Hawks that he wasn’t good enough for them?

         “Ha-ha, very funny joke Keigo.” You say sarcastically. “Don’t stand there out in the rain, idiot.” You gesture for him to come inside.

         He makes his way over the doorstep, eyes unfocused as if he hadn’t even noticed the fact that it was raining. He wordlessly hands you his phone, and you gasp at the text that he’d been sent.

         They said he couldn’t be trusted, that they didn’t want to work to get him to open himself up, that even he wasn’t worth the amount of effort they’d need to use in order to actually get to know him.

         “Still don’t believe me?” His voice cracks on the last word, as he takes a deep breath to compose himself.

         “Fuck, Keigo. I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I’m so sorry.” You bring him in, sit him down and go grab him a towel with some old clothes one of your exes had left in your home when you’d broken up.

         You hand it to him and tell him to shower if he wants to, but at least put some dry clothes on. He listlessly follows your instructions, and you’ve never seen him look so dull. It scared you. While he’s busy though – you vaguely hear your shower in the background get turned on – as you put some tea on. Chamomile, his first choice all those months ago. It was his comfort tea. You also slipped into your room to grab the softest blanket you had.

         You waited about half an hour for him, so you turned on the gas fireplace in the room, warming yourself and staring into the flames as you waited.

         Who would say something so terrible?

         You’d never met his partner, Keigo was secretive at the best of times, but when it came to people, he was especially paranoid. You knew it was because he’d amassed enemies in his years as a pro, but sometimes it was frustrating to deal with.

         However, they must have been truly awful to say something like that.

         You wonder if they would’ve said that stuff if they’d seen the empty apartment, bare of most things that gave a house a character. The lone photo which looked to be at least a decade, maybe closer to two, years old.

         You wonder if they had seen past the mask too, and if that had scared them. Or maybe they hadn’t even noticed it in the first place given the wording of the final text. You knew the pain Keigo was going through, you lived through it every. Single. Day.

         You hated seeing it, but a small selfish part of you celebrated the fact that you had a chance again.

         Pathetic.

         You place your head in your hands, trying to clean your thoughts. You needed to be here for him again, and you were going to be.

         When he walks into the room, he notices you and slumps down into the couch, his eyes red, and his jaw clenched.

         But he wasn’t crying, and it didn’t look like he had either. The rest of his face would be messed up and red if that were the case.

         “You can let it out, Keigo.” You put a hand on his arm and rubbed comforting circles into his back, trying to ease him through it. “You don’t have to keep everything bottled up inside.”

         He laughs bitterly at that, and you’re taken aback. “Yeah, actually, I do. But I appreciate the sentiment.”

         “Alright. Then we can just rest, and have some tea, maybe put on some calming music. Does that sound good to you?”

         He nods, he can’t look up at you though. “Thanks, Y/N.”

         “No problem, Keigo. Be right back.”

         When you do come back, he’s just laying there, staring blankly in front of him. He looks lost and confused.

         “Have you ever felt like this,” he asks in a soft voice. A surge of anger hits you, after all this time he still hasn’t noticed. But you push it down and clear your throat instead.

         “Yeah. I’ve felt like that a lot in my life.”

         “I’m sorry.” He states simply. “It’s awful.”

         “Yeah,” you agree.

         The rest of the night the two of you sit quietly, sipping tea and listening to music. At some point the two of you end up sleeping on one another.

           The weeks pass, and Keigo starts to recover, as that starts to happen, the two of you start to slip back into your previous relationship. You know it’s a mistake, but you don’t stop it. You almost encourage it, because it feels good. It feels like he actually wants you and you can believe it for a few moments before it comes crashing down around you. You know you’re a rebound, even if Keigo himself doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing.

         So, there he is again, using you as a way to fill his life up to make up for the something he can’t have. Coping with his issues by having someone he could distract himself with, that he trusted and knew cared about his wellbeing.

         You wish you could say you hated it. But then you’d be a liar.

         Because you would take any of the time that he was willing to give to you. You were in deep, and you knew that, just wished you would have a way that you could stop it, rather than just going along for the ride, and hoping that he didn’t completely destroy your heart.

         Although that possibility seemed to be more and more likely these days.

           One day, you realize that you can’t do this anymore.

         One day, you think that you’re not going to allow yourself to do this to yourself or him anymore.

One day you decide that you have to take a full step back. No half done measures this time, the next time he called, you weren’t answering, and you weren’t listening. Maybe taking a complete break from the winged hero would somehow allow you to get over your feelings for him. Maybe the separation would do you some good, you could try and meet some new people, hang out with older friends.

         You have a plan, a way to bring it up to him, to say that you can’t do the whole song and dance with him anymore, you can’t play around because it’s messing with your head. You plan on telling him that you just need some space to rest and recover, and that you’ll be fine in a little while.

         It doesn’t happen that way.

         You’re in his apartment and you’re both eating some takeout, you’ve been on edge the entire night, and of course Keigo notices. He tries to tell you a few happy stories he’s seen that day, tries to give you space to relax. He leans in to kiss you and you panic.

         You jump up and say “I have to leave!” in a really panicked voice.

         “Woah hey, what the fuck’s going on?” He stands up, walking after you.

         “I just, I had a way to tell you- and I’m not ready and fuck I wish I didn’t have to say this but I just can’t do it!” You’re rambling, you know that, but you can’t seem to get your thoughts together, they’re bouncing around your head, refusing to slow down so you can’t catch them, and you’re sitting there panicking.

         “You need to talk to me,” he shouts, breaking you out of your daze.

         “I can’t do this anymore!” you cry out, all the bottled pain spilling up and gushing out. You can’t stop it, and you keep going. “I fell for you in week three, Keigo. WEEK THREE of our arrangement. And guess what! I still fucking love you, you absolute moron! You didn’t notice SHIT, and I didn’t say anything because I knew you didn’t feel the same way, but I knew you needed someone. And sometimes I fucking wish I didn’t, that I spoke up for myself and said something sooner because it’s brought me nothing but heartbreak after heartbreak, and so much insecurity!”

         He looks at you shocked. “Wait… you, but?”

         You laugh, a little hysterically, all the emotions bubbling over. There’s a strange sense of relief. It’s all out in the open now. “Fucking tell the press! I finally found the way to make the Hawks absolutely speechless!”

         “Wait, hold up, you need to slow down. I’m trying to understand what’s going on, and you aren’t exactly making this easier.” His eyes are wide, you’ve never seen him so completely and utterly lost. That was the final straw for you, and you start sobbing, tears streaming down your face as you try to keep your wails of pain inside.

         You put yourself together in silence, his sharp eyes trained on you, you can feel it. Your sobs and sniffles grow less and less frequent as you gain control.

         “I need space Keigo. I need to have space so I can get over you properly, and I couldn’t do it before, I thought I could! I just need to sort everything out, please.” You’re pleading with him, your voice drained and emotionless. “Just, don’t contact me please. Let me” You walk away before he can even answer, leaving him dumbfounded.

         He grabs your arm before you reach the door, a little rougher than he usually is. “You don’t get to say all these things without even giving me a chance to respond!” His usually calm exterior is flustered, a little unhinged with panic and anger.

         “I can! I told you how I feel! Nothing you say will be able to change how I feel right now Keigo! Nothing!” you feel your heart ripping to shreds as you see, for the first time in your one on one time in months, the mask returning as he looks it over too.

         “Got it.” He says short and clipped off. “Thanks for just cutting me off like everyone else did. Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

         You go, quietly, unable to look him in the eye. The door slams behind you, with an ominous thud.

           The first time you gather up the courage to call him again to apologize, he doesn’t pick up. You expected that. You were hoping for that because you weren’t sure if you had the strength to say it to him.

         You tell him you’re sorry. You tell him you know you made mistakes, that you knew you didn’t communicate right and you should’ve trusted him with that. You tell him you miss him because you do. He’d wormed his way into the cracks in your heart that he’d had a part in making.

         You tell him you want to have a place in his life, and that he still has a place in yours, but you’re not ready yet.

         You don’t know if he got it until he calls you back. He leaves a message for you this time as you were in the shower when it rang.

         He tells you he understands now, even though it hurt like hell. He says he’s going to give you space, but would still leave you messages every once in a while. He says that of course you’re going to have a place in his life. He says that you’re the only person in a long time that had even bothered to get to see what was underneath his persona. He says that when you’re ready, to either call him back, or answer one of his calls.

         So that’s how it happens. On some good days and some bad days, Keigo calls you. You listen to every single one, multiple times. Your feelings don’t die down though. You don’t know what else you can do but wait. The sad messages tear at your heart, but you know you can’t be there for him right now properly.

         One of them you can’t help but hear and think that you need to call him, need to reach out to him. He’d sounded desperate in a way you hadn’t heard from him before and it chilled you down to the bone.

         But you don’t. You’re too scared of what you’ll do or say.

         On one of the days where you can’t sleep, you sit and stare at your ceiling, thinking about nothing much. Idle thoughts about the project you were working on, what you had to stock up on the next time you went shopping, the puzzle that you’d gotten stuck on in the current level of your video game.

         That’s when the ringing broke out on your bedside table. That ringtone. You still loved him, and he never called this late. You picked up the phone.

         “It’s two am, I know that, but I need you Y/N…”

         “Hawks? What’s going on. Are you ok?”

         He laughs loudly, “Fuck, no. Can I come over?” He almost manages to hide the waver in his voice.

         You sigh, putting a hand to your temple. “I’m sorry, but you can’t come to me anymore, you know that.” You say it softly.

         “You picked up.”

         “I did.”

         “You still love me.”

         “Goddamn it Keigo, yes! Is that what you really wanted to hear right now at two in the morning?”

         His tone switches to serious. “No. That’s not it at all. Please. It’s important.”

         “I could just hang up.”

         “You won’t.”

         You let out a stream of curses that would make a sailor blush.

         “Fine.” You give in with a groan and the starting of a stress headache. “I’m leaving the door unlocked for 10 minutes. That’s all you have.”

         “That’s way more than I need.” You hear the click of the receiver tone and you move your ass out of bed, going to go unlock the door. There you wait in your pjs, your arms crossed glaring at the door and daring it to open.

         Before the 10 minutes is up, it defies you and clicks open, and in he comes.

         “Hey.” He just looks at you, and he looks exhausted. “Thanks for listening.”

         You resist the urge to just run up to him and take him into your arms. He’d feel so good to cuddle. Instead you say in a wary voice; “What do you want Keigo, it’s late and I’m tired.”

         “I know,” he whispers. “I am too, but.” He swallows hard. “I needed to see you before. Before everything gets fucked up.”

         “What the hell are you talking about? And close the door it’s cold outside.” He follows your instructions without complaint and quietly.

         “You’re going to want to be sitting down for this,” he warns.

         You can see he’s not playing around, so you heed him and sit on the couch, and he sits on the chair, dragging it over so he’s opposite you.

         “First off. An explanation of what I mean.” You gesture at him to carry on. “Remember those villains I had to check up on? Well, they were actually mobilizing an attack on the Hero Commission HQ which is in the city.”

         “No way, seriously?” you can’t believe that they would get that bold so soon. It was insane, and yet, you believed it.

         “Well yeah. I came by to warn you, because there’s going to be so much chaos, and in that chaos, it’s more likely for you to either die or get hurt.” Your hands found their way to your hair, brushing through it nervously. “Hey, hey, listen Y/N” he goes to hold your shoulder’s and looks you in the eye. “The heroes have been preparing for a few months now, taking out some of the villains they can. Everyone’s going to have a much better chance of survival. But staying inside and not opening to door for anyone? That’s going to keep you safest. Understand?” You nod.

         Something niggled at the back of your mind though. “You said first thing.”

         “Yeah…”

         “Well? Are you going to tell me?”

         “You’re going to slap me.”

         “Well that’s not a fucking good sign.”

         He rubs the back of his neck. “Well, I figured out why you’d shocked me so much with what you’d said. When we went our separate ways for a little while.”

         You felt your stomach sink. This couldn’t be good, why did he have to bring that up now. “Yeah?”

         “I didn’t trust my partner with anything that I’d shown you. You were the only person I’ve opened up too since… well a long time let’s put it like that. I haven’t really actually let myself feel things for a while, so I misunderstood them. I thought they were hot; I liked the look and the way they talked. I wasn’t falling love with them. I was in love with you the whole time and I didn’t realize it.” You felt like your heart stopped beating.

         “Keigo?”

         “Yes?”

         “You didn’t think to actually say that in one of your fucking messages?”

         “I didn’t think you were ready to hear it.”

         “I mean maybe not, but it would’ve saved a lot of headache!”

         “I’m sorry.” He says, “I’m learning, but I’m trying my best if you’ll take me?”

         “Of course, I will you stupid bird. It’s going to take work, but I know where I went wrong.”

         “Me too. I believe in us. Heh, us. I like the sound of that.” He has a goofy smile on his face.

         “Oh my god you’re such a dork.” You lean up to press a light kiss on his lips, which he eagerly responds too. “You look exhausted though. Let’s get you into bed, so you can protect the city hero.”

         “Sounds amazing to me.” He follows you into the room, stripping down and snuggling you.

         “I’m likely going to be gone by the time you wake up, y’know?”

         You sigh. “You better not die on me or I’ll kill you.”

         “For you? I’ll stay as safe as possible.”

         “Good.”

           The next day, everything was in chaos, just like Keigo had said it would be. You didn’t even need to leave your house to know that. You saw it on your phone screen as you stayed hidden in your closet, to terrified to move or do anything else. A couple buildings had fallen near you, but luckily your building had stayed safe.

         You don’t remember much else about that day. Fear. Praying that the people you cared about would be safe. Darkness. The sounds of massive explosions and destruction.

         Terrible.

           There were massive body counts of all different people, with varying quirks, lives, beliefs and goals. The damage was catastrophic. You almost couldn’t believe that it had been better than what would’ve happened if there wasn’t early intel and missions.

         You noticed though, that everyone was treated the same in death. Hero, civilian, villain, vigilante, all of them were buried properly, paid for by the Commission themselves. Some of the villains had escaped, there were lots more dead hero students than people wanted to admit, and everyone was more beaten down and broken than before.

         But…

         Nobody had seen or heard anything about Hawks though. It was as if he’d simply vanished into thin air, and the only thing that kept you sane? They hadn’t found his body.

         What about that cremation guy? The traitorous voice in your head spoke out. You told it to fuck off.

         Hawks, Keigo, was not dead. He couldn’t be. You’d finally reached an understanding!

         You refused to allow the possibility in your mind.

           It was a week later when you finally got some news. There was a call from the hospital, and you immediately, you picked up.

         “Is this Y/N Y/LN?”

         “Yes,” you practically shout. “Yes, I am.” You say a bit softer.

         “I’m calling about a Keigo Takami? Do you know this man?”

         “Yes, yes, I do, please is he alive?” you can’t keep the desperation from your voice.

         There’s a pause. “…Yes. He is alive. They’re trying to test to see what the extent of the damage is. You were the only other person other than his mother to be on his emergency contact list, yet you have no relation to him, were you aware of this?”

         “Yes,” the lie comes easily, despite the surprise bubbling up.

         He gives you the address and you promise to be there as soon as you can. You can deal with this, you think, he’s alive and so the two of you can work on it and fix it together like you’d planned.

         Except you couldn’t.

         Little to no brain function, they said. Halfway done the process to become a host body for a new nomu, they said. How were you supposed to fix everything together if Keigo was right there, but also completely gone?

         You collapsed into the chair beside his bed, looking over at him. The man you’d loved for over half a year. The doctors went silent, all of them leaving except for one, who stood silently. You reached out and held his hand in yours. Still softer and smoother than what a pro hero’s hand should be like. Still warm, like the first time you’d held it. You could even feel his pulse.

         It was almost funny; you were finished before the two of you even got started. You couldn’t even say that the two of you had ever truly been together, but that’s what made it hurt more, you think. Nobody would believe you, a random nobody? Dating the number two pro hero? Yeah what an attention whore.

         You sat there, tears building in your eyes, and spilling out

         “Keigo, please just give me one more message?” you whisper, crying harder now. “I’ll be waiting for it, so you better call me when you’re ready, because I’ll be waiting for you.”

[antiadvil]

Somebody to Love

summary: Dan and Phil’s first meeting in 2009, loosely inspired by the song Somebody to Love by Queen

rating: PG13

wc: ~3k

notes: for the @phandomreversebang! art provided by @anironsidh and betad by @awkwardest-sam. writing this fic was... a journey, and they were a really great and supportive team the whole time and I really appreciate them <3

read under the cut or on ao3

Dan’s train was running late, and he couldn’t stop his anxiety from running absolutely wild. He hadn’t missed it, had he? Maybe it had showed up early and left before he got there. Maybe it had showed up while he wasn’t paying attention and left already. Maybe it had-

The train pulled into the station. Dan relaxed his shoulders. He wasn’t going to miss his train. He managed to stay calm for a few minutes after he boarded until a sudden new thought hit him.

What if he missed his stop?

He groaned, letting his head drop into his arms. He couldn’t even get a ten minute break from his ridiculous thoughts.

He took a deep breath, trying to focus on something else. To try to distract himself, he pulled out his pen and notebook to work on a few video scripts.

He had finally gotten into a groove, allowing himself to forget his worries, when the train lurched as it approached its first stop, sending Dan’s pen and notebook spilling to the floor. He picked up the notebook, but his pen had already slid out of sight.

Great. Looks like he was going to have to find some other way of passing the remaining two and a half hours of his train ride.

He stared out the window, trying to calm his nerves, but his leg was bouncing up and down almost uncontrollably. He put his hand on his knee, forcing it down.

It was hard to believe that after months of nonstop texting and skyping, he was about to meet the boy from his computer screen in person. He still remembered the first time they had spoken, when he had finally gotten up the courage to message that cool youtuber on twitter.

He had sent him a message about a Queen song, and was shocked to receive a reply. He still was a little bit shocked every time Phil messaged him. Every time, he thought Phil would get tired of him. Every time, Phil kept coming back.

They had talked about their favorite band for hours that night. Then the conversation had shifted to themselves, their families, their hopes and dreams.

They still talked about music sometimes. It was a nice excuse to be in constant contact.

His fingers itched to text Phil, the way they always did when he was anxious, but he and Phil had been trying to stick to Skype lately. Last month’s phone bill had not been fun to pay. He shouldn’t text Phil until he arrived, to tell him where he was so they could meet.

His leg was bouncing again. He sighed in frustration, wishing he hadn’t lost his pen.

He bought a magazine to flip through. It was surprisingly entertaining. He managed to lose himself in it for nearly half an hour before he checked the time again.

Fuck the phone bill. Dan gave in and pulled out his phone. nervous (^_^;), he sent.

good, Phil sent back nearly instantly.

good?

im nervous too and im not allowed to be the only one

Dan laughed. His phone buzzed again

in a few hours we can be nervous 2gether

Dan couldn’t think of anything to send in response to that other than a smiley face.

now go away u spork remember ur phone bill

Dan let a smile break across his face. Phil did that to him frequently. fine, Dan sent quickly.

He returned to his magazine, calmer this time. It was silly to be so worried. It was just Phil. Phil, who he had known for months now. Phil, who he wanted to meet. Phil, who wanted to meet him.

Everything was going to be alright.

When his train arrived in the station, Dan climbed out, letting his eyes search for Phil. Quickly, they landed on a tall, pale boy with dark hair wearing a green plaid shirt. “Phil!” he shouted.

The boy brightened, looking to find the source of the noise. “Dan!”

“Phil,” Dan said again, running towards him, and the other boy was running too, and suddenly they were in each other’s arms, finally, after all these months of imagining.

Phil was holding Dan tighter than he’d ever been held, but it didn’t hurt. It was one of the nicest things Dan had ever felt.

After what felt like an eternity, Phil pulled back. “How was the train ride?”

“Good,” Dan said, his smile so wide he thought his face might split in two. “How was your bus ride?”

“Someone recognized me,” Phil pouted.

Dan laughed. “You’re a proper celebrity now.”

“I don’t want to be a proper celebrity,” Phil whined.

“You’d be a good celebrity.”

“How is someone a good celebrity?”

Dan shrugged. “You’re cute.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes.” Dan giggled, though he hadn’t meant to. It was silly, he thought, a nineteen year old giggling over a boy.

Phil was smiling, too, though, and a bit of pink was showing through his pale skin on his cheeks, so he must not mind.

“Where to first?” Dan asked.

“Starbucks,” Phil said, bouncing up and down. “Starbucks, Dan, we have to-”

Dan laughed. “You’re such a sugar fiend.”

“C’mon!” Phil tugged at his hand.

Dan looked down at their hands in shock, surprised to find them tangled together.

“Sorry,” Phil said sheepishly, dropping Dan’s hand.

Dan wiped his hand on his jeans, then immediately cursed himself. He didn’t want Phil to think it was because of him, his hand was just sweaty. “No, you’re good- um.”

“Yeah. No. We’re in public, I should have-” Phil stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, uh, Starbucks?”

“Starbucks,” Dan agreed, gesturing for Phil to lead the way.

“Right,” Phil said, heading down the street. Dan followed. “What are you planning to get?”

Dan shrugged. “Whatever you get. You’re the expert.”

“Well, I haven’t actually decided what I’m getting yet,” Phil explained.

“Oh really? What are the frontrunners?” Dan asked.

Phil spent the rest of their walk explaining his various drink options, each sugarier than the last. “So I think maybe the caramel macchiato. Maybe? I can’t decide.”

Dan interrupted before Phil could go through his list again from the beginning. “You should get the caramel macchiato.”

“You think so?”

“I think so,” Dan confirmed, opening the door to the starbucks.

Phil bought their coffees, over Dan’s protests. “You’re the one who came to visit me,” he said. “Let me do this for you.”

Dan gave in. “I’ll buy you coffee if you ever come to Reading.”

“Deal.” Phil took a long sip of his coffee and let out a long, relieved breath afterwards. “So good.”

“The caffeine or the sugar?”

“Yes,” Phil said.

Dan took a sip of his own drink. It was good. Maybe not as good as Phil thought it was, but good.

“I’m trying to cut back on coffee,” Phil said mournfully. “I only had three cups this morning.”

Dan snorted. “Only three?”

“Yes.” Phil stared glumly at his already half empty cup of coffee.

Dan shook his head in mock sympathy. “You poor thing.”

Phil finished his coffee with disturbing speed. Dan did his best to keep up, but to avoid burning his tongue, he had to finish about ten minutes after Phil.

Phil’s tongue must be nearly burned off from how quickly he had

Dan should stop thinking about Phil’s tongue.

“Where do you want to go now?” Phil asked, saving Dan’s mind from going to some places it really shouldn’t be going right now.

“Can we just walk around for a bit?” Dan asked.

“Sure!” Phil was bouncing on his toes, already ready to move.

Dan wondered if he was as thrumming with nervous energy as Dan was. “Lead the way, then.”

Phil knew his way through Manchester better than he let on, pointing out a few shops and landmarks he recognized along their walk. “There’s so much to do here. We’ll have to come back sometime.”

Dan absentmindedly agreed. It was nice, the thought that this would happen again. That he could come back. That Phil didn’t seem to hate him yet.

Dan almost missed the apple store when they walked past, but he saw it out of the corner of his eye and stopped. “Wait,” he said, “I want to post a selfie.”

“Ooh,” Phil said. “Good idea.” He opened the door and gestured for Dan to follow him.

They got lucky when they were immediately able to snag a free laptop. Phil opened photobooth and messed with his hair in the camera. Dan did his best to straighten out his hair, and struck a pose.

Phil put on a (ridiculous) facial expression and took a photo.

Dan stepped up to take a look. “Wait,” he said, stepping back. “My hair looks wrong. Can we retake it?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but stepped back into his pose to take a new picture.

About 20 pictures later, they had finally taken one Dan was satisfied with. He logged into his dailybooth account quickly, doing his best to ignore the line of people growing behind him.

“There,” he said, pressing post and logging out of his account.

He did his best not to make eye contact with anyone in the line behind them as they left the apple store.

They found a bench in a nearby park and spent the next few hours people watching, making up stories about the people they saw.

“She’s in an unhappy marriage,” Dan whispered. “She’s having an affair with him.” He pointed to the man across the playground from her, where her daughter was playing.

Phil took a bite of the sandwich he had bought from a nearby cafe. “Does her daughter know?”

“Of course not, Phil. She’s like, five.”

“Just hoping for maximum drama,” Phil said around another mouthful of sandwich.

Dan grimaced. “Stop chewing with your mouth open. It’s gross.”

Phil swallowed. “Your mum’s gross.”

Dan hit Phil on the back. “Take that back.”

“You first.”

“No.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” Phil looked almost sad.

Dan snorted. “Let’s disagree to disagree.”

“How does that work?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t put much thought into it yet.”

Phil laughed, taking the last bite out of his sandwich and brushing a few crumbs out of his lap.

Dan checked the time. “Is there anything else you want to do before we go back to your place?”

“Well,” Phil said. “I, uh. Have a reservation for after dinner.”

“A reservation?” Dan looked down at his clothes. He hoped it wasn’t too nice.

“The sky bar,” Phil said. “I don’t know if you know it, I’m sorry, I-”

Phil looked so anxious. “No,” Dan said, doing his best to sound reassuring. “It’s fine, just… unexpected.”

Phil smiled in relief. “We should get going if we’re going to make it on time.”

When they got to the sky bar, Dan looked at the menu and tried not to panic at the prices.

“I’ll pay,” Phil said quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

That only made things slightly better.

Phil must have noticed that the worry didn’t fall from his face, because he tried to reassure Dan again. “Really, it’s fine. Get whatever you want.”

Dan nodded, but he scanned the menu for the cheapest items and ordered those anyway. Phil had just graduated uni; he wasn’t exactly rolling in money, and Dan didn’t want to feel like any more of a burden on him than he already did.

It didn’t matter. His drink tasted incredible.

“Is it alright?” Phil asked, still anxious.

“It’s perfect,” Dan said. It was. The sun was beginning to set, and the view from this high up was beautiful. The view next to him was even prettier.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out the windows and watching the sun bathe everything in a warm, golden glow.

Dan reached for Phil’s hand under the table. Phil reached back.

***

It was dark when they boarded the bus back to Rossendale. The bus was nearly empty, but they chose two seats in the back, as far away from everyone else as possible.

“Busses are weird.” Dan yawned.

Phil giggled. “It’s not even late. Are you tired?”

Dan glared. “Shut up.”

Phil stuck out his tongue. “Make me.”

Dan hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Shut up,” he managed to squeak out.

Phil sat back in his seat, smiling in satisfaction.

“Shut up,” Dan whined, poking him.

“You sound like a broken record. Do you say anything other than shut up?”

“Shut-” Dan stopped. “Yes,” he insisted.

Phil smirked. “Prove it.”

“I’ve said so many things other than shut up today.”

Phil shrugged. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Dan leaned back into his seat, trying to project confidence.

Phil shrugged again. “I believe you,” he said, with the air of someone who absolutely did not believe the person they were talking to.

Dan sighed, and changed the subject. “How long is the ride?”

“About half an hour, hopefully,” Phil said.

His train ride had been much longer than that. He could survive this. Especially with Phil with him.

“I met a boy on the train once, you know,” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts.

Dan looked up, slightly confused. Why was Phil telling him about some other boy? “You did?”

“Yeah,” Phil laughed. “He was really cute, too. We spent the whole train ride talking, and it turned out he actually lived really close by. This was when I was in uni. But anyway, at the end, he asked me for my number, so I gave it to him, and then-” Phil paused to hide his face.

“Then what?” Dan asked, perplexed.

“I texted him,” Phil said, muffled.

“What’d you say?”

“I asked him if he was asking me out,” Phil said, still with his face hidden in his arms.

“Was he?” Dan asked, though he suspected the answer by now.

“No,” Phil whined, lifting his head up. “He wasn’t. He was straight.”

Dan couldn’t help a horrified giggle.

“It’s not funny,” Phil said, though a smile was starting to peek through his carefully composed sulk.

Dan wanted to stop laughing, he really did, but he just couldn’t. His giggle grew until it was the dumb hyena laugh he always felt self-conscious of, but with Phil sitting next to him, he didn’t mind.

Phil was starting to laugh a little bit too. He buried his head in Dan’s shoulder to hide it. “You’re the worst.” He landed a half-hearted punch on Dan’s ribs.

Dan just laughed harder. “That’s awful, oh my god.”

“So stop laughing!” Phil whined.

Dan finally managed to quiet his laugh. “It’s a good thing, though, really. Because now you have me instead of stupid bus boy.”

“You’re so much better than stupid bus boy,” Phil whispered, reaching for Dan’s hand to give it a quick, reassuring squeeze.

The warmth of his hands lingered even after they were gone.

***

Phil’s house was dark and quiet when they finally arrived. Dan didn’t know what else he had expected. Phil’s parents weren’t home; that was the whole reason he was visiting right now.

Dan declined politely when Phil asked if he wanted a full house tour, instead choosing to dump his backpack on Phil’s bedroom floor without asking first. He thought, halfway through doing it, that maybe he should have checked first, but Phil didn’t seem to mind, so he just left it.

Phil’s bedroom looked different than it did on Skype. Less grainy.

Phil dropped himself onto his bed, gesturing for Dan to follow him. “Wanna play some music?”

“Sure,” Dan said, sitting down next to Phil. “Queen, probably, it’s the least we can do to thank them for bringing us together.”

Phil laughed. “Not because they’re good?”

“No. Just because gay.”

“Freddie Mercury would be proud,” Phil said.

“He probably would be,” Dan admitted.

“What song?”

Dan thought about it a bit, chewing at the inside of his lip. “Somebody To Love,” he finally said.

Phil grinned. “Excellent choice.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, basking in the glow of Phil’s approval as the piano started playing. “I can play this on piano, you know.”

“You can?”

“Yeah. I can play most Queen songs.”

Phil tilted his head. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

“But you don’t have a keyboard.”

Phil tilted his head. “Guess I’ll have to visit you sometime.”

Dan couldn’t help the nervous thrill that ran through his stomach. “A shame, really. You have no other option.”

“I’ll survive.”

Dan hummed along to the chorus.

Phil poked him. “Just humming? Coward.”

Dan startled. “What?”

“I want to hear you sing.” Phil’s eyes were twinkling with the slightest bit of mischief.

“No. Absolutely not.” Dan crossed his arms.

“Fine,” Phil said. “I guess I’m going to have to sing myself.”

“That’s almost worse,” Dan said.

Phil pouted. “I’m a great singer.”

“I’m sure.”

Phil began to sing along, his voice warbling.

“Shush,” Dan said. “I want to hear Freddie Mercury.”

Phil sighed, but switched to dramatically lip syncing instead.

“Much better,” Dan said, trying to control his facial expression so Phil couldn’t tell that he was being a little bit cute right now.

Phil’s performance was so over the top it was honestly funny, until he reached the end of the song. He sang along, softly this time, looking directly at Dan in a way that gave him goosebumps.

Dan couldn’t help but look away.

“How was my performance?” Phil asked.

“It was alright,” Dan said, leaning back on his elbows.

“Oh yeah?”

Dan sat back up. “Not too relatable, though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve already found somebody to love,” Dan said, smiling at Phil.

“Really,” Phil said, teasing. “Who?”

Dan felt his cheeks warm. “You probably don’t know him. He goes to a different school,” he managed.

Phil laughed. “I like you too.”

Dan didn’t think it was even possible for his cheeks to be any warmer. “I guess you’re kind of cool too.”

“Shut up,” Phil said, pulling Dan closer.

“Make me,” Dan said.

“Okay,” Phil said, promptly kissing him.

Dan shut up for quite a while after that.

[taelme]

hi uhm, can i request a mini-scenario for chan (or what makes you comfortable) when his fem! S/o is very insecure about her height (4'8) just fluff and cuddly chan thx uuuu ❤️❤️❤️❤️

genre: established relationship!au (fluff, mild angst, hurt/comfort elements?)pairing/s: Chan / Fem Reader word count: 3k+ tw: none I think,, post may include potentially offensive remarks about reader’s height so if you’re not comfortable w it feel free to skip! a/n: thank you so much for the request! im a sucker for domestic aus so….I hope I did a good enough job for u n I hope you like it~~ 

Chan9:38am -all the best for work today!-

You couldn’t help but smile at the text, typing a quick reply to him before stopping your music, removing your earpieces with one hand as you entered your office building, feeling awfully professional in your office-wear as you tapped your card to enter into the lift lobby for the main building.

Work wasn’t anything special, you were just working a simple temp job for the time being to gain experience as you were filing out your job applications to the various companies after your graduation. Though this being said, you weren’t necessarily the most excited to go to work, hence Chan’s motivational texts every morning.

Or, ‘doing his boyfriend-ly duties’ as he liked to put it.

Gripping your cup of coffee tightly, you saw the work crowd beginning to swarm into the office’s lift lobby where you were waiting, the sudden presence of people that were considerably taller than you making you wonder if they could even see you, having been shoved all the way to the back of the lift once the lift had come, having to strain your neck so as not to let the person in front of you’s briefcase jab into your neck.

Annoyed to say the least, but trying not to let it ruin your morning, you’d heaved a sigh of relief when you heard the elevator ding, glancing at the number and recognising that it was your floor.

“Excuse me,” you said, tapping on the person in front of you, who turned in confusion only to spot you moments after, silently moving aside to allow you to exit.

Walking briskly to your table, you slumped into your seat with a sigh, earning a giggle from your co-worker sitting next to you.

“Tired already?”


You made a face, shrugging off your coat and slinging it on the back of your chair, “good morning to you too,” you sighed.

Your co-worker snickered, her expression shifting suddenly as she tapped you quickly, making you turn to see what she was so urgently warning you about, your eyes widening as you spotted your department head. Standing up and greeting him quickly.

The department head was currently walking with another man, dressed in an all-too fashionable coat to have worked at your company, round, thick-rimmed sunglasses hanging casually from the collar of his shirt, giving you and your desk mates a small nod in greeting.

“These are my new angels, only working temporarily, though,” he turned to face you, introducing the man to you. Apparently he was working together with your company to make a promotional advert.

“We’re looking for beauties like you for one of the roles,” your department head had gestured towards your co-worker, earning a shy shake of the head from her.

“Oh no, please, I’m not very good at acting.”

“Not just you, you two can try as well,” he gestured towards your other two desk mates, “they’d wonder if we run a modelling agency instead of a brokerage company,” he laughed obnoxiously.

You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d missed you out on purpose, turning to look at your co-workers. They were all gorgeous girls, who could pull off long pencil skirts and still manage to look leggy, whereas you had to stick to skirts that ended at the knee, not wanting to look like a child in a too-big uniform.

“What about Y/N sir? She was the best at acting out of all of us back in school,” your co-worker spoke up hesitantly, noticing the way the department head had missed you out as well.

Both the men had looked at you, the man giving your department head a look as if to ask if he was joking, and you’d suddenly wished you had just made your disappointment less obvious to your co-workers.

He bent down slightly, though he still looked down at you with a sickeningly sweet smile it made you cower under his stare, “Uhh…maybe if we need someone to play the role of a kid, we’ll let you know,” his tone was dripping with sarcasm, his words lingering with you even as he strolled off with the willy-wonka looking man.

Shrugging, you sat back down at your desk, trying to ignore the way your co-workers kept glancing between themselves and you. I mean, it wasn’t their fault that they were taller than you, and in turn received favour from the male heads of the company as a result.

You dismissed the feelings of discomfort that threatened to arise in you, shaking your head as you clicked into your email.This was just a temp job, you’ll be out of here before you knew it.

But that wasn’t to say you wouldn’t face this problem in your other offices as well, what were you supposed to do, borrow your boyfriend’s ankle weights when you walked around the house? You were already wearing platforms and those were heavy enough.

“Hey, are you alright?” Your co-worker whispered, making you muster your best reassuring smile, nodding at her.

“Mmhmm, I’m fine, I swear.”

“I mean, if you think of it this way, at least you look young?” your co-worker tried to comfort you, earning a glare from your other desk mates, making you laugh.

“Yeah,” you murmured, “really young.”

===

The feeling lingered with you all day, and you were on your last meeting for the day, desperately wishing time would pass faster as you went to the lounge to prepare coffee for your colleagues.

Opening the overhead cupboard, you’d refrained from letting out a groan when you saw that someone had returned the tea to the higher shelf instead of the lower shelf ( that mind, you, was still within your reach). Leaning one hand on the counter, you stretched your other hand up as high as you could, struggling to even brush the shelf.

Giving up with a sigh, you straightened out your blouse, wondering if it would be a good idea to climb up onto the counter to get the shelf, but even if you’d wanted to do so, your skirt wouldn’t allow for that.

Spotting a pair of tongs at the side of the sink, you’d grabbed them quickly, an idea sparking in your head. Trying again, you’d reached your hand out as far as you could, even jumping to try to get it, but in your excitement, you’d only managed to push the coffee mix deeper into the cupboard.

“What are you doing? They asked me to check on you since you were taking a while.”

You turned abruptly, hitting the tongs against the cupboard with a loud clanging sound on accident, spotting your co-worker standing there with an amused look on your face.

“Trying to make coffee,” if that wasn’t obvious enough.

Huffing, you felt embarrassment flooding your senses as your co-worker walked over, reaching out her hand and grabbing the instant coffee mix with ease, setting it onto the counter with a small smile.

You were thankful for her help, of course, but at the same time it made you feel so incompetent knowing that you couldn’t accomplish a simple task like making coffee independently.

“You should put a note telling them to leave it on the counter,” your co-worker told you, making you sigh.

“That goes for everything in the cupboard, then,” you huffed, making her laugh.

“I think it’s kind of cute. Your height has a certain charm, you know? Makes people wanna take care of you,” she told you with a laugh, making you shoot her a pointed look as you mixed the coffee with a stirrer.

“Bet your boyfriend’ll think it’s cute.”

You let out a grunt. Being cute was one thing, but being independent was completely different to you. It wasn’t like you to want to inconvenience others so much just because you were ‘so cute that you couldn’t reach something on a high shelf’. But once again, you brushed it off, laughing the situation off with your co-worker.

“My boyfriend thinks everything is cute,” you joked, dismissing the topic quickly as you brought the coffee back to the meeting room with her. Thinking of Chan only made you more desperate to want to finish this meeting sooner so you could see him.

You didn’t miss the comments from your colleagues when your co-worker had confessed that you took so long because you couldn’t reach the coffee mix, your mentor giving you a look when he mentioned that it was his doing, having ‘not expected’ that it would inconvenience anyone.

You’d flipped your binder open halfway through the meeting to discreetly message Chan, asking if he had any plans after work, surprising yourself with how quickly he’d replied you.

Chan5:32pm -pay attention to ur meeting! I don’t want u getting in trouble bc of me-

You hid your smile behind your hand, nodding along with whatever your mentor was presenting as you continued.

5:32pm -I can buy takeout from the place near my office-

Chan5:33pm -u don’t have to, i can go pick u up since I ended early today!-

After which, that was all you could think about for the rest of the meeting, clearing the cups of coffee with lightning speed once the meeting ended and jogging over to your desk, bidding goodbye to your colleagues since Chan had sent you a text saying he was waiting for you downstairs.

Hugging your coat tighter to yourself, you’d felt a sense of relief once you’d spotted Chan outside your office building, leaning against one of the railings with bags of takeout in his hand, his other hand fiddling with his phone as he waited.

You’d wanted to surprise him, but he’d looked up quicker than you would’ve liked, giving you a smile as you made your way over to him, his hands stretching out in an invitation for you to hug him, which you gladly did so, his tall frame (well, compared to yours) enveloping you warmly, bending slightly to rest his chin on top of your head gently.

You closed your eyes, letting out a small sigh as you wrapped your hands around him.

He let out a small hum, “lemme guess. Bad day at work?” He pulled away to look at you, his hand smoothing your hair away from your face, feeling the cold wind brushing against your cheek as you nodded at him.

Chan smiled, “it’s okay, it’s the end of the day now. I bought the takeout already, let’s get you home, hmm?” He took your hand, leading you towards his car. You couldn’t help but feel insecure under the gazes of your colleagues that walked past you, your height difference with Chan suddenly becoming a lot more noticeable than it usually was.

You tried to ignore it, not wanting to ruin your time with Chan, but you couldn’t help the negative thoughts from rising in your head. You remembered a comment that you’d heard someone say before to a couple with a similar height difference as yourself and Chan, saying that the woman looked more like his niece than his girlfriend.

Did Chan and I look like that too?

You sat in the car waiting for Chan to start the engine, watching your co-worker walk past, letting your thoughts slip from your mouth before you could notice.

“She’s tall, isn’t she?”

Chan looked up, shrugging as he started the engine, “yeah, she’s pretty tall.”

“Yeah, pretty and tall,” you gestured, making Chan’s eyebrows raise, pulling out of the parking lot.

“What’s wrong?”

You shrugged.

“Nothing, just…wondering. Do you ever wish you dated someone like her instead? Like…she’d look really good with you…she wouldn’t look like… your niece.”

Chan let out a disgruntled sound, already beginning to sense the reason behind your sulky mood, simply shaking his head at you.

“Of course not, I’m more than happy with you.”

You didn’t have the energy to argue further, choosing to let the conversation stop at that till you got home.

Once you were at Chan’s apartment, you’d taken a shower first, stepping out into the room in your towel after you’d worn your underwear.

“Chan, I’m thinking of staying over tonight, do you know if I have anymore clothes here?”

Chan hummed, “I’m not really sure where you put them, you could just wear one of my hoodies first if you want?” He stood up, walking over to his cupboard and fishing out one of his hoodies, handing them over to you with a small kiss on the forehead, heading outside first while you changed.

Putting it on, you’d immediately felt as though you were drowning in fabric. Chan tended to get bigger hoodies because of his shoulders, so they looked even bigger when they were on you.

Stepping outside, you padded over to the living room, not expecting to hear the hum of approval that left Chan’s lips as he spotted you.

“I know this isn’t the first time you’re wearing my clothes but, I can’t stress how much I love seeing you in my hoodies.”

He stretched out a hand to pull you closer to where he say on the sofa, tugging you just a little more so you ended up on his lap, wrapping his arms around you as he nuzzled his head into your shoulder.

“I’ve been thinking about that question you asked me just now in the car,” he began, making you slightly nervous to hear what he was about to say, “and I just can’t believe you asked me that.”

“Chan, the food’s gonna get cold.”

He let out a displeased whine, “no, baby look at me,” he brought a hand up to your chin to ever so gently tilt your head to face him, leaning over to give you a kiss on the cheek.

“I like you exactly how you are, because that’s…you. You’re who I fell in love with, not anyone else. Who cares if you’re not super tall? You’re fun sized!”

You were about to retort but Chan had beat you to it, “and before you go on about how it makes you feel dependent on others, It’s alright, okay? If you don’t wanna depend on them, depend on me. I’ll gladly help you get any sort of thing from the highest shelf in the world if I can help it.”

You scrunched your nose up, shoving him away in your embarrassment, “don’t say things like that,” you rest your hands over his, feeling his thumb rub the skin on your thigh gently.

“Why not? I mean every word.”

You gave him a look, and despite what you said, you knew that what Chan did was working in reassuring you, the feeling of your heart fluttering when he’d cupped your face still so familiar even after your years of dating Chan.

Chan was an absolute angel, you were reminded again now, as he tried to cheer you up during dinner, telling you funny things that happened at his workplace and talking about anything under the sun to make you feel better.

“How’re you feeling now?” He asked after you ate, earning a shrug from you.

“Kind of drowsy, do you um…” you averted your gaze from him, not knowing why you were letting yourself get shy all of a sudden.

Chan quirked his eyebrows up, tilting his head at you curiously, “hmm?” He asked.

“Can we..like…you know,” you mumbled, and you could practically hear Chan’s smile without looking at him, feeling him pull you forward, and in you almost losing your balance, you quickly supported yourself with your shin resting on Chan’s thigh, feeling him adjust your position, pulling your other leg up so you were straddling him now, raising his eyebrows at you again to prompt you further, clearly getting a kick out of seeing you so shy.

You shook your head, leaning forward so you were hugging him, resting your chin comfortably on your shoulder, the comfort it provided you making your eyes shut. Chan instinctively wrapped his arms around you, one hand above the other as they rested comfortably on your back.

“Lemme guess, you wanna cuddle?” Chan’s voice could be heard next to your ear, his voice soft and tone gentle, though not without a hint of teasing.

You nodded, “mmhmm,” your voice was muffled from how you pressed your lips against his shoulder.

“Couch or bed?” He hummed, earning a soft mumble of ‘bed’, Chan’s hands moving to grasp your thighs, standing up and carrying you towards the direction of his room, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

Feeling him set you down on the bed, you let go so he could get in as well and make himself comfortable. Lying on his back, he’d beckoned you over, letting you resume your position of practically lying on him, your leg draped over him and your head resting on his chest, while his hand found its way to your back and your thigh, rubbing soothing patterns onto your skin.

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

You felt his chest move slightly as he let out an amused huff, “what are you thanking me for, baby?”

“You..” You yawned, “take care of me so well,” you sighed, removing your head from his chest to look at him.  

Your gesture made Chan smile, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to your forehead.  

“Hey, can’t have my favourite girl feeling bad now, can I?,” he tilted his head at you, a soft smile at his lips.

You ignored the flush in your cheeks, shaking your head as you let your head rest back on his chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart slowly lulling you to sleep, all previous worries of the day now all melding into this soft, comforting moment of calm with Chan.

You stayed there cuddling in your room, the only sound being the soft music that Chan was playing in the room, and you were about to fall asleep when you heard Chan mutter, “I love you.”

You couldn’t help the smile from your face, letting out a deep sigh as you replied, as your own affirmation as well (albeit muffled by the fabric of his hoodie)

“I love you.”

You wouldn’t ask for anything else.

[disloopy]

remedy for a broken heart pt.2

nafla

genre: angst

word count: 3k

a/n. i’m sorry this look on nafla is superior don’t try to convince me otherwise. this part is soooo long im sorry but i hope its a good finish since you guys have been waiting forever for it.

                                 with a little bit of this, with a little bit of that we gon be alright

Nicholas sighed in exhaustion, plopping down on the couch next to you. The current state of the small studio he shared with the rest of the boys reflected upon the amount of time he spent there, working on songs but never finding one that seemed to qualify his ideals.

“What are the stakes?”

“Hm?”

“I mean if I quite music... can I live?”

You turned to him, setting your phone aside. “Ask yourself... you’re the one who said music is your life.”

“I know... but I’m afraid people here won’t accept me cause I’m not one of their own.”

You laughed. “Babe, it’s always hard at first, I’m sure they’ll eventually learn how amazing you are and will look past the differences.”

“You know,” Nicholas murmured. “Jinyoung hyung suggested we go to Korea for a a while.” He knew he had peaked your interest with those words. “He knows some people there. If we can start a stable career, then it won’t be too hard when we come back here.”

You smiled with a bright “that sounds great!” but there was a hint of worry in your eyes. Nicholas liked that. “Jinyoung is always reliable, isn’t he?” you said, looking away for a second. Nicholas nodded in agreement; trusting Jinyoung would be the only right thing to do in any situation.

“So are you all going?”

“Me and hyung are gonna fly out first, then we’ll get the others to come.” You didn’t say anything for a while so Nicholas reached over to clutch your hand. “When I get back, you’ll be dating a real rapper.” He hoped these words could at least be somewhat comforting to you.

“I already see you as a real artist,” you told him with a smile.

“Dude, what’s the deal?” asked Daniel, walking into Nicholas’s room as he was getting dressed for the day. “Mina just asked me if she can stay in the guest bedroom for the rest of the trip... did y’all fight?”

“We broke up,” Nicholas told him plainly.

“What?” Daniel couldn’t hide his shock. “We literally here to relax and you guys went ahead and made your own drama.”

Nicholas sighed in irritation. “Daniel, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” The younger boy fell silent, and put his hands in his pockets, staring at the floor. 

“Well damn... so did y’all break up break up or...” Nicholas knew he was referring to the ‘incident’ with you . It wasn’t something he was proud of, the fact that all his friends, who were avid supporters of you, were conscious of the whole thing. 

“Fuck... I don’t know. Girls are so complicated.”

Daniel pressed his lips together. “Really, I think you’re complicated.” The two boys chuckled quietly, unsure of what was funny. “So you still up for tonight?”

“I don’t think it’ll be good if I came.. since Mina...”

“Bro, she’s coming too.”

“Alright, I’ll think about it.”

As Daniel was leaving the room, Nicholas asked him to keep quiet about the whole situation to which he respectfully obliged. Daniel was known to have a big mouth but he was also trustworthy and always had his friends best interests at heart. And with that thought, Nicholas found it might be easier to forget about everything and have a fun night out with the boys instead of moping around like this. His friends would be by his side anyway and maybe that’s what he needed at the moment.

Nicholas left the solace of his bedroom to join the rest outside. “Yo, Mina, I got smth for you,” said Jinyoung, walking over to where she sat next to Daniel. She looked up from her phone, trying to peer around Jinyoung to see what he had hidden behind his back. Nicholas also watched, trying not to look too unhappy.

“You know how you love Post Malone? Well, he’s in the city, performing tonight and we got you tickets.”

Nicholas saw Mina’s expression brighten  as she took the tickets from Jinyoung and jumped up, shaking her hips in delight.

“Oh my gosh, you’re the best!” She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Daniel pulled her back onto the couch.

“Don’t get too excited, you’re going with Owen.”

Mina’s lips parted and she rolled her eyes. “Ugh, are you serious?”

“I heard that!” Owen called from the kitchen to which Mina gave Daniel a sheepish look and he grinned, ruffling her hair. 

Rather than being envious of the way his friends treated her, Nicholas found himself feeling sympathetic. Mina had a way of hiding her emotions ― much like you ― and she was too obviously pretending she didn’t care about what had happened earlier that morning. Her pretense had worked for her in the past but Nicholas knew her too well. 

That night, Jinyoung and Daniel came into Nicholas’s room, informing him that they were leaving and if he’d like to join. “Can I come a bit later? I’m just not feeling it right now,” Nicholas told them, hiding away under his covers where he had been napping in all afternoon after a tiring shopping session with daniel. 

“Bro, you’ve been sleeping all day, what’s wrong with you,” said Daniel, trying to pull his blankets off but Nicholas held on to them tightly in fear his friends might see his phone open to your instagram page which he had been scrolling through for the past hour.

Jinyoung just sighed. “Daniel, leave it. Don’t force him to come.” Nicholas looked at him with grateful eyes and Jinyoung nodded. “I actually gave Mina those tickets so she’d leave you alone tonight,” he chuckled and Nicholas threw a pillow at him. “But you can join us whenever you’d like.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

When everyone left, the house was quiet and Nicholas hated how lonely he felt right now, but he brought it upon himself . He reached for his phone again, refreshing your instagram page to see that you had updated your story. 

Hesitantly, he brought his thumb on top of your profile picture, swallowing hard as your story opened up to reveal a picture of you with your arm draped around an unfamiliar girl, a bottle in your hand, your trademark million dollar smile plastered across your pretty face. You had tagged “Avalon Club” and Nicholas realized it was the same club his friends were going to. That’s why Daniel wanted me to come so bad.

Nicholas closed the story and went through your instagram posts once again. You had changed a lot and the posts showed it clearly. There was a gap in dates wherein you hadn’t posted at all and the posts from before the gap were of him and you, years of memories locked in a couple photos that had been buried under the more recent ones of you looking happier.

“Call when you land, alright?” you said, pulling away from the hug with Jinyoung. You asked him since you knew Nicholas would pass out and forget by the time they go to Korea.

“Don’t worry, I will,” Jinyoung replied, fixing his beanie that had almost fallen off from the contact. You finally moved to Nicholas who was waiting for you with open arms. He pulled you against him, burying his face in your hair ― little did he know, it would be the last time he’d get to do so.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” you told him with a little pout. Nicholas saw that you were trying hard to hold in your tears and he pulled you closer again so the others wouldn’t see. “Don’t you forget about me while you’re there, okay?”

He moved back, cupping your cheeks. “How could I ever forget about you?”

But the truth is he could, and he did. After going to Korea, Nicholas found himself busier than he would have expected. He made sure to keep you updated for the first couple weeks but after one or two hectic months, he couldn’t find motivation to pick up his phone and call you. His busy schedule kept him occupied but even when he was free, it seemed there was no time for you.

Besides that, Nicholas’s new life presented him with extravagances he could never have imagined of in a thousand lifetimes, nor could he refuse them. Although he had done a very selfish deed and couldn’t muster up the courage to face you after that. 

But the girls that went back and forth from Nicholas’s room didn’t pass without the knowledge of his friends who thought he was being sus and questioned him about it. “Did you break up with Y/N?” asked Jinyoung.

“Uhhh...”

Jinyoung shook his head. “I did not expect this from you... seeing how attached you were to her, I thought you’d be begging to go back to America everyday.”

“Calm down, she’s prolly in another guy’s pants right now too.”

But both men knew you weren’t like that. Nicholas didn’t bother sending a breakup text because you had probably forgotten about him as well. However, you didn’t feel that way at all.

When the crew returned to America after gaining some popularity, you were still there, hitting nicholas up with instagram messages which he didn’t find it in himself to even open because at this point, ignorance was bliss. 

And it seemed like the eye contact he made with you on his first American stage spoke a thousand words, none that either of you could ever speak to each other. To this day, that look still haunted him. It wasn’t any normal “breakup” if you can even call it that. Because sometimes, he found a part of himself was still with you.

Nicholas must have watched your story about a million times, staring at the picture of you for so long his eyes began to hurt. He couldn’t stay here any more. He was pathetic.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Daniel smirked when Nicholas finally arrived at the club. He had already drowned his self-pity in a few drinks when Daniel and Jinyoung found him seated at the bar.

“Having fun?”

“We should be asking you that,” said Jinyoung, propping his elbow on top of the counter. “You look down... was it Mina?” At this, Nicholas’s head snapped toward Daniel who shook his head quickly.

“I didn’t say anything, I swear.”

“Mina told us you guys were having a fight in the car while we were dropping her off,” Jinyoung explained. “What’s gotten into you?”

Nicholas sighed. “Yeah... it was my fault not hers. Did she tell you we broke up?” His relationship with her was on a thin line.

“Uh no, she said you guys were ‘on a break’ or sum like that.”

Though slightly disappointed, Nicholas was relieved that she didn’t want to leave him altogether. His heart already felt weak at the thought of losing yet someone important in his life again.

“By the way... Y/N’s here,” Daniel said quietly. “We wanted to tell you so it doesn’t turn out like last time.” Nicholas faked surprise but in reality, he knew all too well your whereabouts. 

“That’s nice... I don’t really feel like talking to her right now, though.”

“I guess you gotta tell her that yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat, getting up from his seat. “Don’t look now but she’s walking right towards us.” Nicholas froze. That means you were probably right behind him. Nicholas and Daniel smiled and waved at you over Nicholas’s head and then gave him a look before walking away.

“Hey stranger.” Your voice was soft, almost like a melodic tune. He hadn’t heard it in what felt like ages.

Nicholas turned around. “Y/N! I haven’t seen you in forever! Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!” Was that too much? Who cared, he’d already messed up whatever image of himself you had in your mind. You hugged him but it felt like the distance between you two increased and it was like he couldn’t even feel you.

“I came to your concert but I guess your friends didn’t tell you I was there,” you said, sitting down in the seat next to him. “I figured if you did see me, you would have talked to me but you didn’t so...” 

Nicholas laughed in embarrassment but inside a piece of him died. It seemed he had been too obvious with his hesitation. Or maybe he was just an asshole. The latter seemed quite accurate. 

“Anyway, you are you?”

A mess, Nicholas could reply. But instead he said, “I’m good... I mean, I’m better than better.” 

“How’s life as a celebrity?” you asked, laughing. Nicholas couldn’t bring himself to look at you but your laugh felt like medicine all it’s own.

“Wellll, I don’t really feel like one.”

“Really? You sure do act like one.” You murmured the last part. Was this your way of saying ‘fuck you’ to Nicholas? Perhaps Nicholas was thinking about it too much. He needed to drink a little more.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked and you shook your head. 

“Nah, I was leaving with my friends right now actually... then I saw you.” You started to get up, taking your bag with you. “I’ll see you around then.” 

You can’t seriously let her leave like this, Nicholas thought to himself as his chest tightened. This may or may not be the last time he’d get to see you. A part of him wanted to remain that selfish and stupid self and let you go your way, as if just seeing you was closure enough.

But it wasn’t. The conversation was riddled with tension and if he hadn’t known any better, you were surely throwing shade at him for what he had done. If this was the only way to get rid of the guilt, Nicholas had to at least try.

He gulped down whatever was left in his glass and then stopped you. “Wait, Y/N! You got a minute?” You shrugged, sitting back down, clutching your purse tightly. Nicholas took a deep breath. 

“Listen... I don’t want to do this all over again,” he said quietly. “I just want to say I’m so sorry for being the worst boyfriend ever... and for being a dick and-”

“Nick,” you said, cutting him off. “I forgive you.” Nicholas fell silent. Those three words didn’t give him the relief he thought he’d get. A lot of him thought that you’d tell him you missed him and that you waited for him all this time and that you still love him. 

But none of that came. 

“Seriously...? Just... like that?”

You pressed your lips together. “I mean, what do you want me to say? That I still have feelings for you and I want to get back together?”

It sounded weird out loud the more Nicholas thought about it. “I just wanted closure... I mean, I’ve been kinda thinking about it and it was unfair to you.”

“Just forget it, Nicholas. You said you were ‘better than better’, what now?”

“Maybe I was lying,” he murmured and like that the stony expression on your face crumbled, softened to your glowing features as you stared at the glass surface of the counter.

“Maybe I’m lying too,” you said. “I mean, I know I said I forgave you but sometimes, I sit down thinking of you and I hate you.” Nicholas chewed on the bottom of his lip as you spoke. All this time he’d been worrying about his feeling and his guilt that he never thought about you.

“I hate you for not coming back for me when you promised me you would. But you know what, you have new friends, a new girl, a new life... who am I to tell you you can’t enjoy that?” You sat back and then looked at Nicholas and Nicholas looked back at you. It was the first time you two made direct eye contact and it didn’t feel like a knife piercing through him. 

“The last time we were together, I couldn’t help thinking of the future and...” you swallowed hard, taking Nicholas’s hands in yours. Your hands were just as soft as Nicholas remembered. “I knew that this would happen because I know you, Nick. I still let you go and maybe it was stupid but I was right.”

Nicholas held your hands tightly. “I wish that I could go back and change things... I swear I’m not like that any more.”

“Maybe you’re not,” you said, reaching up to touch the side of his face. “I hated you for what you did but I admire you for being able to sit here right now and at least tell me how you feel, even if it’s two years later. You’re not who you used to be, I know that.”

“That’s all I want,” Nicholas whispered. “To know that you don’t hate me.” You smiled and exhaled softly.

“I don’t. And I’m not holding this above you, Nick. We were so good together but we ended and that’s fine too. The best way to move on, though, is to let go of what you can’t control, let go of the past, Nicholas. The universe will align itself.” 

There were some days when Nicholas felt suffocated just thinking about you.You two didn’t end on good terms, if you had ended properly at all. But if this was the last goodbye, then Nicholas felt himself healing a little bit. 

You slid off your seat and kissed Nicholas’s lips. He couldn’t give in and kiss you back, but neither did he have the strength to pull away.

“There. Now we officially broke up,” you giggled, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll see you later, or maybe I won’t. Don’t beat yourself up over me.” You began to leave with your friends and turned around one last time to wave goodbye. 

It felt like a certain weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Nicholas didn’t feel guilty anymore, the chains around his ankles were finally free. 

He took out his phone and texted Mina. “I’m sorry for everything.” Nicholas got a reply almost immediately, giving him the impression that Mina might have been thinking of him too.

She texted. “I know, love.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[houseofdemi-blog]

Playing with Fire - 08 [Finale]

Summary: After breaking up with you, you decide the only way to get back at your -now ex-boyfriend and avoid public humilliation is by making a deal with resident bad boy Min Yoongi: you’ll give him money as long as he pretends to be your new boy.

Genre: Romance.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Rating: Mature  (BITCH READ IT IM NOT SPOILING ANYTHING THIS TIME)

Length: 3.3k

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -  Part 7 - Part 8 [Finale]

A/N: wowowo so its finally here i decided to end this on part 08 bc 8 is my lucky number so anyways thank you so much for enjoying this as much as i enjoyed writing it and for your lovely messages im so emo now i need a moment BY THE WAY someone had the amazing idea of creating a playlist with songs inspired by the story so id love for you guys to send me which songs you think fit the fic?? id appreciate that a lot :)

Yoongi's eyes focused on the fan on the cieling. Staring, but not looking. Beer bottles surrounding his unmade bed; clothes scattered all over the floor; the TV's screen, pitch black. The window is closed. So is his door. The blinds are not entirely down. There are a few rays of afternoon to evening providing him with light. Enough light to keep staring at the cieling. A cigarette dangling from between his index and middle fingers. A lighter resting on his sheets, right next to his head. Ashes falling on the carpet, right on top of a small plastic bag of weed. Smoke filling the air as it filles his lungs. Blinding his vision, blinding his brain cells. The fan kept moving. Slowly. Too slowly. He didn't remember it being that slow. His eyes tried to keep up with the blades but they're too slow. He didn't remember them being that slow.

He heard his phone's ringtone in the distance.

He doesn't bother to pick it up. He hasn't picked up his phone since the moment you stopped picking up yours.

'Bro, what's up? How're you doing?'

He would snort if he could. If he had the energy to fake a laugh, to fake a smile. But his face hadn't left the scowl that appeared on it the morning he woke up to not find you beside him anymore. And that was exactly twenty nine days, eleven hours, thirty two minutes and fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.... seconds. But who was counting?

'You haven't left your apartment in almost two weeks, man.'

Of course he hadn't. He did leave his apartment the following two weeks after you started hiding from him. Because that's exactly what you were doing. And he knew you were hiding from him because those first two weeks he had been calling you, messaging you, he had been showing up at the places you and your friends -and you two together, for Christ's sake- always hung out at and -ignoring your neighbors' judgemental looks and the high possibility of your mum feeding his body to a Rottweiler- he had shown up at your doorstep, only to leave a couple minutes before when you hadn't answered the door.

'We just don't even know what's wrong with you. You should be happy that bitch disappeared.'

He should. He really should. He should be happy he didn't have to go to any of your friend's snobby parties. He should be happy he didn't have to pick you up from school everyday. He should be happy you were out of his apartment and his life.

Because at the end of the day, he knew this would happen. You both did. He knew the moment to approached him with such a stupid idea, the finale would be both of you going your separate ways. That's what your imaginary contract had said.

But he missed keeping an arm around you while a bunch of preppy kids threw daggers at him. He missed you greeting him with a -too enthusiastic, too feigned- kiss after saying goodbye to your classmates. He missed your legs on his lap, he missed the scent of your hair on his pillow and the way your body curled up to his in your sleep.

And, fuck it if he was crazy, but he was sure you had fallen for him as much as he had fallen for you. He knew it stopped being pretend the moment his lips met yours.

'You need to do something, Suga. You can't keep isolating yourself.'

Taking a long and last drag from his cigarette, he dropped the butt on the floor. He closed his eyes and held the smoke for a while, enjoying the burning feeling in his chest. It was better and way more enjoyable than that fucking knot in his stomach.

Yoongi read the paragraph all over again. His eyes read every word, analyzed every letter, every coma, while his head filled with questions and his chest filled with anger. His rough hands scrambled the paper at the sides. He hadn't realized his grip was so tight until his knuckes turned white. His jaw was clenched and his breathing was heavy.

He had opened his mail box three days later, closed the door to his apartment and sat on the couch skimming through bills to pay when he had come across a letter that definitely had nothing to do with his rent.

Un-fucking-believable.

It was the only way he could describe what he was feeling.

Standing up and grabbing his jacket and car keys, he had left his apartment again.

Yoongi walked through the café door, paper in hand. His eyes spotted her in the distance, laughing, talking, without a care in the world, and his boot claded feet immediately started making their way to her table in long and noisy strides. His hand almost smashed on the table, startling the group of people around her, who stopped the conversation to stare at him.

“Where is she?” his voice was low and menacing, but it was not shaky, it was not out of place. It was calm, steady, determined to get an answer.

Wendy gulped, knowing very well who he was referring to and knowing very well the look on his face said he was not there to play any games.“Yoongi, she doesn't want to talk to-”

“I don't give a shit if she doesn't want to talk to me. I want to talk to her and you're going to tell me where I can find her.” he said through gritted teeth. One of the boys- probably younger than Yoongi, wearing much expensive clothes than Yoongi and sporting a hairstyle that must have cost more than anything Yoongi could afford- stood up, ready to confront him. Wendy looked at him reassurangly, and he sat back down the moment Yoongi pierced him with his black orbs.

Wendy looked at him again, sighing. “She's in her house. I'm suppossed to meet up there in an hour or so because she wasn't feeling like hanging out.”

He didn’t need to hear anymore. He was practically out of the door the moment her first words left her mouth.

He was knocking at your front door faster than he had thought he would. It took you a while to answer, but when you finally did, you wish you hadn't.

The moment you saw him, you tried to close the door out of instinct, out of fear. He was faster though, his foot stepped between the door and him and  he placed the palm of his hand solidly on the door, keeping you from smashing it in his face.

Yoongi,being stronger than you -or maybe just not as tired as you were- pushed it open once again and rushed inside before you could even protest.

Your stomach couldn't help tightening when he passed next to you and his scent hit you. The same scent you had tried so hard to forget was also the same scent you had tried to remember. You had no other option but to finally close the door, not moving your hands from the handle after you did so. The thought of inevitably facing Yoongi was making you feel dizzy and sick, especially now that he was less than five feet away from you.

You turned around and was met with his dark eyes staring right at you and you took the time to admire him after a month.

He hadn't changed one bit, of course. His hair was the same pale blonde, almost white color. Almost as milky as his skin. His eyes were smudged with black eyeliner and ire and the bags under them confirmed he might have had the same amount of sleep as you. His lips, probably the most colorful thing about him, were still the same shade of pink, were still as plump and irresistibly kisseable as you remembered.

You folded your arms over your chest. To keep yourself from reaching out to him? A pathetic attempt at trying to steady their shakiness? Or maybe a pathetic attempt at trying to protect yourself?

His chest moved rapidly and his voice sounded rough when he spoke, raising the paper in his hand.  “What the fuck is this?”

Your eyes flickered to it for a second before they settled on his again. “I don't know. What the fuck is that?”

“Stop playing games, _____.”

“I'm not playing games. I don't know what that is.” you held your head high and didn't back down from his glare.

His tongue toyed with the inside of his cheek and he dropped his hand with an incredulous expresson on his face. “Ok, let me read it out to you to refresh your mind. Here I go.” he cleared his throat with a smile that held no humor at all. “'Dear Mr. Min. We were sent your tape last week, blah blah blah, we apologize for taking so long to reply to your email, blah blah blah, but we would be more than delighted to have a meeting to discuss a possible record deal and blah blah blah.'”

You gulped through an almost entirely closed off throat when he looked at you again with raised eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. You opened your mouth to speak but closed it again, not being able to find a decent excuse. But pride still held your head up high.

“That's awesome. You're going to pursue your dream. Congratulations. But I don't know what that has to do with me. So I think you should lea-”

“You think I don't know you sent my demo tape to a music producer?” his words stopped you right away and made your heart skip a beat. He could see it in the way your whole body tensed up and the way your breathing hitched. “You think I don't know you took my USB drive?”

“W-what?” you stuttered through an uneasy tone.

“You think I didn't see you putting it inside the pocket of your jacket that night?”

If you felt sick before, now you felt the whole room spinning.

“Did you you really think this would make me want to distance myself from you? Because it didn’t work.”

The lump in your throat burned when you swallowed and his stare was pinning you completely without letting you move. He must have sensed that and he seemed to show a little mercy when he looked away, finally letting you breath as he placed the hand holding the letter on his hip and brushed his hair back with his free one, huffing exhaustadly.

“Why didn't you say anything?” you managed to say. You almost winced at how vulnerable you sounded.

“Because that's how fucking crazy I am about you!” the sudden desperation in his raised voice made you jump slightly when his words hit you. He inhaled and probably counted to ten in his head, trying to calm himself. “I didn’t know why you took it and I didn’t care. I would have let you throw it into a garbage can. I would let you to anything as long as that meant keeping you by my side. And if keeping you by my side meant giving up my music, well...” he closed his eyes and you wondered if he was as close to crying as you were. “And then you left. Without saying goodbye. And you've been avoiding me for a month. And here I am again. What does that make me? A masochist? A low self-steemed moron?”

“Yoongi-” he cut you off again.

“I love you.” everything went still. “I'm absolutely, completely, one hundred percent in love with you.” He made his way towards you slowly but surely, almost hesitant, watching your reaction. Watching your eyes filling up tears that started to blur your vision. Yet you didn't look away. You couldn't even if you wanted to. “And I know you feel the same way I do. And you cannot tell me what we had-... have, is not real.”

“Why didn't you say anything before either?” your voice trembled as his hands rested on either side of your head on the wall behind you.

“Because I'm an insecure piece of shit?” his voice didn't hold a pinch of anger anymore. It was low, delicate, gentle. One of his hands left the wall and collected a tear that had slipped from the corner of your eye. “Every time you let me touch you, every time you let me kiss you, every time you let me undress... All I could think about was how much you deserved, and how little I could give you.” he caressed your cheek until it cupped your jaw. “You deserve someone who makes love to you in a five star hotel, not someone who fucks you on the hood of their car while it's raining.”

Your heart clenched and you raised your hand to place it on top of his.

“I don't care about any of that.” you licked your lips, tasting the saltiness of your own tears. “I just want to be with you.”

You almost you couldn't finish your sentence before his lips were on yours and, God, how much you had missed them.

He tasted of self-doubt. Of teardrops at midnight. Of empty bedsheets and lingered scents. He tasted of short-lived memories. Of songs on the radio and feet propped on a car's dashboard. He tasted of mint. Of coffee that only worsened sleepless nights. He tasted of worry as well as determination. He tasted of hopefulness and new beginnings.

It didn't take him too long to pull you closer by your waist and it didn't take you too long to pull him closer by his neck. It didn't take him long to lift you up and make you wrap your legs around his waist before disappearing up the staris.

He didn't need indications or any words. He knew exactly where your room was and where in your bed to place you.

He pulled back to admire you and your hair all over your pillow, rosy cheeks and bruised lips. You smiled at him. You had already stopped crying but tears were already threatning to pour again if he didn't put his lips on yours again soon.

He pulled his shirt off and your hands were glued to his skin almost instantly. He was always cold, but he was warm now and you were begging to feel him closer. His teeth grazed the skin of your neck. It reminded you of your last night with him.

Your hands slipped to his jeans, desperate to free him and to free yourself. He got the message. He got rid of your clothes as well, dropping them somewhere. Who cared.

Your tongues moved against each other as if they were old friends enthusiastically running into each other for the first time in years, except it had only been a month.

“I've missed this so much.” he mumbled against your mouth and you moaned in response when his fingers found your core, already drenched. “I've missed you so much.”

You cried his name when he inserted one of his fingers with ease inside of you.

“Have you touched yourself after that night?” you heard him in the distance but you couldn't mutter a word. Not when his finger was fucking you and his thumb was moving in circles over your clit. “Answer me.” his gruff voice, the curling of his fingers and the sudden roughness of his touch made you gasp in pleausre.

“Y-yes.” you breathed. His lips wrapped around your breast, his tongue worked around your areola and his teeth bit your nipple in punishment. That only made you cry his name once more and pull at his hair.

“You’re still a bad girl, huh?” The hand not inside of you travelled down until it was gripping your thigh, hooking it over his hip. A loud smack filled the room and a the beginning of a red mark printed on your buttlock.

“Yoongi, I need you.”

That was enough to make him pull his hand from between your thighs and replace it with the tip of his cock, already throbbing and fully erected. He teased at your entrance, watching your face twist in agony. You looked up at him and muttered a 'Please' that convinced him to push inside of you.

You both moaned in delight and he stayed like that for a moment, closed eyes with his forehead against yours and his breathing fanning against your lips. You studied his features before leaning up to meet his mouth. He wasted no time in kissing you back and started to move his hips. Slowly at first, but picking up his speed until they were slapping furiously against yours.

He was usually quiet, too focused on pleasuring you. But this time, the small ‘Ah's’ and hissed noises that left his mouth were too beautifully melodic and all you could do was appreciate the way his face contorted in bliss.

“I love you.” you said. His eyes shot open and locked with yours, looking for a confirmation. “I love you.” you repeated. Then, his hands gripped both your thighs and pushed them open, allowing him to thrust into you in an angle that almost made you pray.

“I love you.” Yoongi said. His lips attacked your neck, leaving bruises along the way while he pounded in and out of you. Sweat ran down his back and your hands tried to bring him closer to you as he brought you closer to the edge.

He kept leaving 'I love you's' on your flesh until you finally climaxed, clencling around him and making him reach his peak as well. He didn't move out of you and you were glad he didn't because you didn't want to let go.

You fell asleep with his arms around your body, his chest against your back, his breathing behind your neck and the shape of his lips on your shoulder.

You woke up at around two in the morning, muscles too sore to move. Body too tired to fully respond to anything. But also too cold to ignore.And that's when you realized Yoongi wasn't beside you to keep you warm. Your stomach twisted right away and you sat up to find out that, in fact, he wasn't there anymore.

He couldn't have left, right?

Your eyes moved frantically around the room and you sighed in relief when you realized that, no, his jeans weren't on the floor anymore, but his shirt was still over your frame. And that's when you spotted him.

He was sitting on a chair outside your balcony, smoke coming out of his mouth and a cigarette between his fingers as he seemed too enticed by the night to realize you had woken up.

You smiled.

Then you pulled the covers from your body and walked quietly towards him. He didn't flinch when you wrapped your arms around him from behind or when you leaned down to place a kiss on his cheek and nuzzled your face between his neck and his shoulder.

“It's late. Go back to sleep.” he ordened sternly, but you could hear the small smile on his face. You shook your head no, your nose caressing his skin, never getting tired of his scent filling your nostrils.

“I can't. I was cold.” you murmured before cirling around him and positioning yourself in front of him. He motioned you to sit on his lap and you did so. “I thought you left.”

“Well, you're still wearing my shirt. I'm not really into walking around naked at 2 a.m.” the playfulness in his voice made you kiss him and he kissed back.

He engulfed you in his arms after throwing the butt of his cigarette away. Then he made his way to your bed. He made love to you again, both sure it wasn’t the first nor last time and you were alright.

Everything was alright.

[antiadvil]

5 times Dan and Fiona were not dating (and one time they were)

summary: Dan has been confused about her sexuality for a long time, and Fiona isn’t helping. Or maybe she is?

Labels are overrated. Having sex with girls is fun. Just as long as there aren’t any feelings involved. And there aren’t any, right? Right?

rating: M

wc: ~3k

notes: right so, halfway through outlining this fic I decided it would be fun to write little interludes that contain every message Dan and Fiona send between chapters. so... this is the result.

They're designed so that they don't have to be read to understand the upcoming chapters, and there isn't really an overarching plot or anything, just a collection of fairly random conversations, but I hope you'll give them a read anyway.

chapter 2/12- Interlude One

current chapter on ao3 | tumblr masterlist | first chapter on tumblr

October 20, 2019:

Fiona, 11:34 am: I woke up so late holy shit

Dan, 11:36 am: lol

Dan, 11:36 am: what time did you go to bed

Fiona, 11:36 am: …

Fiona, 11:37 am: Late

Dan, 11:37 am: i got up at 10

Dan, 11:37 am: ha

Fiona, 11:37 am: Look at Miss I Have My Life Together

Fiona, 11:37 am: Does she deign to share her advice with her loyal peasants

Dan, 11:38 am: no

Fiona, 11:38 am: :(

Dan, 11:39 am: suffer

Fiona, 11:41 am: I am

Fiona, 11:41 am: We’re out of cheerios

Dan, 11:42 am: why

Fiona, 11:42 am: I ate them

Dan, 11:42 am: so you see why this is your fault?

Fiona, 11:43 am: No

Dan, 11:43 am: hmm

Fiona, 11:43 am: Shut up

Fiona 11:43 am: Ok bye I apparently need to go to the grocery store

Dan, 11:44 am: wow that’s so weird i wonder why you have to go to the grocery store

Dan, 11:44 am: bye have fun

Fiona, 11:55 am: grocery shopping is never fun

Dan, 11:55: you’re never fun

Fiona, 12:06 pm: :(

 Fiona, 6:40 pm:

 Dan, 7:02 pm: WHAT

Dan, 7:02 pm: DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

Dan, 7:02 pm: LOOK WE WERE JUST FRIENDS OKAY

Dan, 7:02 pm: female friendship is a very powerful thing

Fiona, 7:03 pm: sure lmao

Fiona, 7:03 pm: Glad to help you discover the power of female friendship last night <3

Dan, 7:03 pm: STOP

Dan, 7:03 pm: YOU’VE CALLED ME OUT ENOUGH

Fiona, 7:04 pm: have I

Dan, 7:04 pm: yes

Dan, 7:04 pm: be nice :(

Fiona, 7:04 pm: What if I’m not a nice person?

Dan, 7:05 pm: you are tho

Fiona, 7:05 pm: no u

Dan, 7:06 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 7:06 pm: bottom

Dan, 7:06 pm: fuck you

Fiona, 7:07 pm: lol that’s not how top/bottom works, dan

Dan, 7:07 pm: FUCK YOU

Fiona, 7:07 pm: ok maybe if you ask nicely

Dan, 7:07 pm: no thoughts head empty

Fiona, 7:08 pm: good thing I’m not attracted to you for your brain <3

Dan, 7:08 pm: …

Fiona, 7:08 pm: too far?

Dan, 7:09 pm: roast me harder daddy 🥺

Fiona, 7:09 pm: jesus fucking christ

Fiona, 7:09 pm: i hate you

Dan, 7:10 pm: :(

Fiona, 7:10 pm: ugh FINE I don’t

Dan, 7:10 pm: :)

October 21, 2019:

Dan, 10:31 am: wanna see my favorite tumblr post

Fiona, 11:42 am: YES

Dan, 11:43 am: … did you just wake up

Fiona, 11:43 am: DO YOU THINK I’M THIS ENERGETIC WHEN I JSUT WOKE UP?

Dan, 11:44 am: *JUST

Fiona, 11:44 am: SHUT

Fiona, 11:44 am: GIVE ME POST

Dan, 11:45 am: 

Fiona, 11:46 am: That’s your favorite tumblr post?

Dan, 11:46 am: yes

Fiona, 11:46 am: Should I be concerned that it’s about murder

Dan, 11:47 am: it’s not about murder

Fiona, 11:47 am: Yes it is

Dan, 11:47 am: it’s about homiecide

Fiona, 11:47 am: I will kill you

Dan, 11:48 am: you’ll homiecide me?

Fiona, 11:48 am: NO

Fiona, 11:48 am: I will kill you

Dan, 11:48 am: :(

Fiona, 11:48 am: :)

 Fiona, 10:43 pm: How was your day?

Fiona, 10:43 pm: Kill any homies?

Dan, 10:45 pm: No

Dan, 10:45 pm: Come over, you can be the first

Fiona, 10:45 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 10:45 pm: I’m honored

Fiona, 10:46 pm: Can I though? I crave death

Dan, 10:46 pm: oh no

Dan, 10:46 pm: why?

Fiona, 10:47 pm: I did a procrastination again

Dan, 10:47 pm: now why would you do that?

Fiona, 10:47 pm: Because I’m stupid

Dan, 10:47 pm: 😔

Dan, 10:48 pm: what have you learned from this?

Fiona, 10:48 pm: Absolutely nothing

Fiona, 10:48 pm: I will do it again

Dan, 10:48 pm: we love to hear it

Fiona, 10:49 pm: 😔 you do maybe

Dan, 10:49 pm: how are u imply that i take pleasure in the downfall of others

Fiona, 10:50 pm: YOU LITERALLY SAID IT FIRST

Fiona, 10:50 pm: YOU SAID YOU LOVED TO HEAR IT

Dan, 10:51 pm: really? that doesn’t sound like something i would say

Fiona, 10:51 pm: Stop gaslighting me

Dan, 10:52 pm: :)

Fiona, 10:52 pm: :(

Dan, 10:53 pm: go do your homework

Fiona, 10:53 pm: FINE

October 22, 2019:

Dan, 4:12 am: wake up i’m bored

Dan, 4:15 am: why can’t i sleep i hate myself

Dan, 4:20 am: haha 420 blaze it

Dan, 4:20 am: i’m kidding i don’t smoke weed

Dan, 4:20 am: i’m lame

Dan, 4:32 am: i have class at 9:30 am i’m going to die

Dan, 4:32 am: pray for me

Dan, 4:56 am: i think i’m finally tired

Dan, 4:56 am: i hate myself

Dan, 4:56 am: wait i already said that

Dan, 4:56 am: oh well

Dan, 4:56 am: good night 🖤

Fiona, 9:42 am: Oh no

Fiona, 9:42 am: Did you make it to class?

Dan, 9:44 am: im dying

Fiona, 9:46 am: Oh no

Dan, 9:50 am: i made it to class but i regret my entire existence

Fiona, 9:51 am: Oh no

Dan, 9:52 am: shut up

Dan, 9:52 am: i have never been this tired

Fiona, 9:52 am: When do you get out?

Dan, 9:55 am: 11 🤡

Fiona, 9:55 am: Why did you even go to class today holy shit

Dan, 9:57 am: I’m stupid

Fiona, 10:00 am: Can you leave?

Dan, 10:05 am: i’m already here i might as well suffer

Fiona, 10:06 am: D:

Fiona, 10:06 am: suffering bad

Dan, 10:11 am: whoa really

Dan, 10:11 am: thank you for letting me know

Fiona, 10:11 am: Of course

Dan, 10:12 am: where would i be without you

Fiona, 10:12 am: Class

Dan, 10:13 am: wait

Dan, 10:13 am: i am in class

Fiona, 10:14 am: Yeah

Fiona, 10:14 am: Without me

Dan, 10:20 am: u have a point

Fiona, 10:21 am: I have lots of points

Fiona, 10:21 am: Come hang out with me, I’ll save you from going to class at 9:30 am

Dan, 10:25 am: my hero

Fiona, 10:26 am: 🥰

Dan, 10:35 am: only 25 more minutes

Dan, 10:35 am: i can do this

Fiona, 10:36 am: Just so you know, falling asleep in class is completely valid

Dan, 10:40 am: i can make it

Dan, 10:40 am: i believe in me

Fiona, 10:41 am: Okay

Fiona, 10:41 am: Good luck!

Dan, 10:45 am: i don’t believe in me

Dan, 10:45 am: i’m dying

Fiona, 10:46 am: If I believe in you will that help

Dan, 10:47 am: no

Fiona, 10:47 am: 13 minutes, you can do it

Dan, 10:50 am: i cant

Fiona, 10:50 am: You can!

Fiona, 10:51 am: I will reward you if you do

Dan, 10:52 am: how

Fiona, 10:52 am: 😏

Dan, 10:53 am: 😳

Dan, 10:54 am: how

Fiona, 10:55 am: Live through this class and you’ll see

Dan, 10:56 am: it better not be socks or something

Fiona, 10:56 am: Oh no of course not, I would never

Fiona, 10:56 am: It’s sexual favors

Dan, 10:57 am: FIONA

Dan, 10:57 am: im in CLASS you can’t just SAY THAT

Fiona, 10:58 am: Oops

Dan, 10:59 am: i hate you so much

Fiona, 10:59 am: Shh

Fiona, 10:59 am: One more minute, you can do this

Dan, 11:00 am: don’t change the subject

Fiona, 11:00 am: Too late

Fiona, 11:00 am: Did you survive

Dan, 11:01 am: no

Dan, 11:01 am: you fucking KILLED me

Fiona, 11:02 am: Too bad

Fiona, 11:02 am: I was really looking forward to seeing you again

Dan, 11:02 am: well too bad

Dan, 11:02 am: you should’ve thought of that before you said things like that

Fiona, 11:03 am: I’m not good at thinking

Dan, 11:03 am: okay philosophy major

Fiona, 11:03 am: I never claimed to be a GOOD philosophy major

Dan, 11:04 am: …

Dan, 11:05 am: (can i have those sexual favors now or nah)

Fiona, 11:06 am: The prize was for surviving

Fiona, 11:06 am: I thought you said you died

Dan, 11:07 am: ugh

Dan, 11:07 am: i hate you

Dan, 11:07 am: i’m going to go home and take a nap

Fiona, 11:07 am: That sounds like a great idea

Fiona, 11:07 am: Sleep a lot you deserve it

Dan, 11:08 am: i will sleep so much

Dan, 11:08 am: gn

October 23, 2019:

Fiona, 7:14 pm: I did a cooking

Dan, 7:14 pm: I did too you’re not special

Fiona, 7:14 pm: Okay but did you bake cheesecake

Dan, 7:15 pm: no

Dan, 7:15 pm: did you?

Fiona, 7:15 pm: As a matter of fact, yes

Dan, 7:15 pm: can i have some

Fiona, 7:16 pm: No

Dan, 7:16 pm: :(

Dan, 7:16 pm: why’d you bake cheesecake

Fiona, 7:17 pm: Because I CAN

Fiona, 7:17 pm: idk, don’t you ever get the urge to bake cheesecake at 6pm on a Wednesday?

Dan, 7:18 pm: i have never gotten the urge to bake something in my life

Fiona, 7:18 pm: Okay, have you ever gotten the urge to *eat* cheesecake at 6pm on a Wednesday?

Dan, 7:18 pm: now we’re talking

Dan, 7:19 pm: yes ofc

Dan, 7:19 pm: are you sure i can’t have any

Fiona, 7:20 pm: Yes

Dan, 7:21 pm: :(

Dan, 7:21 pm: why not

Fiona, 7:22 pm: It’s not a large cheesecake

Fiona, 7:22 pm: … I may have eaten a large chunk of it already

Dan, 7:22 pm: and you didn’t save any for me

Fiona, 7:23 pm: I did not

Dan, 7:23 pm: i’m blocking you

Dan, 7:23 pm: never speak to me again

Fiona, 7:23 pm: D:

Fiona, 7:24 pm: but im cute

Dan, 7:25 pm: so?

Fiona, 7:26 pm: I’ll save some for you next time 🥺

Dan, 7:26 pm: really? 🥺

Fiona, 7:26 pm: yes 🥺

Dan, 7:26 pm: ok i guess i won’t block u 🥺

Fiona, 7:27 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 7:27 pm: That’s so sweet

Dan, 7:28 pm: i’m generous like that

Fiona, 7:28 pm: What would I do without you

Dan, 7:28 pm: eat more cheesecake because you wouldn’t have to save any for me probably

Fiona, 7:29 pm: When you put it like that

Fiona, 7:29 pm: Why do I even talk to you

Dan, 7:29 pm: You’re asking me??

Fiona, 7:30 pm: I guess so, yeah

Dan, 7:30 pm: um because i’m cute

Fiona, 7:30 pm: Hmmm

Fiona, 7:30 pm: Yeah, probably

Dan, 7:31 pm: cuter than cheesecake :)

Fiona, 7:31 pm: Now, I don’t know if I’d go *that* far

Dan, 7:31 pm: cuter than cheesecake :)

Fiona, 7:31 pm: … cuter than cheesecake

Dan, 7:32 pm: i’m glad we’ve come to a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: I don’t think insisting that I agree with you is a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: I think that’s just getting your way

Dan, 7:32 pm: it’s a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: No

Dan, 7:33 pm: COMPROMISE

Fiona, 7:33 pm: FINE

Fiona, 7:33 pm: Compromise

Dan, 7:33 pm: see? another successful compromise

Fiona, 7:33 pm: … yay us

Dan, 7:34 pm: we’re doing great :)

Dan, 7:34 pm: communication is so important

Fiona, 7:34 pm: Uh huh

Fiona, 7:35 pm: I’m going to go finish my cheesecake

Dan, 7:35 pm: :(

Dan, 7:35 pm: as long as you save me some next time

Dan, 7:35 pm: see? i compromised

Fiona, 7:36 pm: Huh, I guess you did

Fiona, 7:36 pm: Good job

Dan, 7:36 pm: thank u

Dan, 7:36 pm: enjoy your cheesecake

Fiona, 7:37 pm: I will :)

October 24, 2019:

Dan, 4:09 pm: i literally can’t wait until the weekend

Dan, 4:09 pm: i want to die

Fiona, 4:15 pm: Will you stop wanting to die on the weekend

Dan, 4:16 pm: no but i’ll forget about it

Fiona, 4:16 pm: Close enough

Dan, 4:17 pm: i have written so many papers in the past week

Dan, 4:17 pm: i want to die

Fiona, 4:17 pm: Oh no

Fiona, 4:17 pm: When are you done writing papers?

Dan, 4:18 pm: never i’m an english major

Fiona, 4:18 pm: I’m so sorry

Fiona, 4:18 pm: Do you want to talk about it

Dan, 4:19 pm: … yes

Fiona, 4:20 pm: Is this a crisis about your major? I’m an expert on those

Dan, 4:20 pm: no, i love english

Dan, 4:20 pm: well i don’t really *love* anything but english is tolerable

Fiona, 4:21 pm: lol

Fiona, 4:21 pm: I think lots of people don’t *love* what they do

Fiona, 4:21 pm: There’s nothing wrong with that

Dan, 4:22 pm: I guess

Dan, 4:23 pm: do you *love* philosophy?

Fiona, 4:23 pm: idk

Fiona, 4:24 pm: I like it

Fiona, 4:25 pm: Honestly I probably won’t end up doing it long term anyway

Dan, 4:25 pm: Why not?

Fiona, 4:26 pm: Not a lot of people get paid to sit around and ponder the mysteries of life

Fiona, 4:26 pm: Unless you go into academia I guess and ick, that’s so much grad school

Dan, 4:27 pm: yeah i guess not

Dan, 4:27 pm: people don’t really get paid to sit around an analyze literature a lot either, do they?

Fiona, 4:27 pm: idk

Fiona, 4:28 pm: Do they?

Dan, 4:28 pm: i feel like probably not

Dan, 4:28 pm: should’ve paid more attention in english 100 lol i think they talked about that

Fiona, 4:29 pm: We all should’ve paid more attention in our orientation classes yet here we are

Fiona, 4:29 pm: Worst comes to worst I’ll just use my CS minor for something

Dan, 4:30 pm: you’re getting a CS minor?

Fiona, 4:30 pm: I had already finished like half the required classes when I switched to philosophy so why not?

Fiona, 4:31 pm: Also it was one of my parents’ requirements for letting me switch but we don’t talk about that

Dan, 4:32 pm: lol

Dan, 4:32 pm: unfortunately i don’t have a cs minor to fall back on

Fiona, 4:33 pm: It’s not too late to get one :P

Dan, 4:33 pm: no thank u!

Fiona, 4:34 pm: aww

Fiona, 4:35 pm: too bad

Dan, 4:35 pm: i am not willing to stoop to doing math to appease capitalism

Fiona, 4:35 pm: lol, have it your way

Fiona, 4:35 pm: English is a good degree, you’ll be fine

Fiona, 4:36 pm: Besides, you have a few years to figure things out

Dan, 4:36 pm: this is true!

Dan, 4:36 pm: i’m going to go forget about my problems and procrastinate dealing with them

Fiona, 4:36 pm: have fun <3

Dan, 4:37 pm: i will!

October 25, 2019:

Dan, 11:24 am: college is stupid

Dan, 11:24 am:

Fiona, 11:26 am: You can still do that now if you really want

Dan, 11:26 am: it’s not the same

Dan, 11:26 am: you live with the constant fear of someone catching you

Fiona, 11:27 am: Okay but you admit that you *could*

Fiona, 11:27 am: You’re just a coward

Dan, 11:28 am: excuse me

Dan, 11:28 am: what did you just say to me

Dan, 11:28 am: i’ll fight you

Fiona, 11:29 am: Okay

Fiona, 11:29 am: To the death or just to giving up?

Dan: 11:29 am: i’d die before i’d give up

Fiona, 11:30 am: Death it is

Fiona, 11:30 am: It’s been nice knowing you

Dan, 11:31 am: you too

Dan, 11:31 am: okay bye i have to go write a paper

Dan, 11:31 am: it was nice talking to you

Fiona, 11:32 am: :(

Fiona, 11:32 am: It was nice talking to you too

Fiona, 11:32 am: Write fast and then return to me

Dan, 11:33 am: ofc <3

Fiona, 11:33 am: <3

October 26, 2019:

Fiona, 9:51 pm: Any fun plans this weekend

Dan, 9:55 pm: Writing more papers lmao

Dan, 9:55 pm: wbu?

Fiona, 9:56 pm: aww :(

Fiona, 9:56 pm: Same I guess, mostly just homework

Fiona, 9:56 pm: 😔

Dan, 9:57 pm: honestly

Dan, 9:57 pm: fuck homework

Dan, 9:58 pm: will you run away to the woods with me

Fiona, 9:59 pm: 😳

Fiona, 10:00 pm: That’s kinda gay

Dan, 10:01 pm: no it’s not

Dan, 10:02 pm: we will live in a cottage with two bedrooms

Fiona, 10:03 pm: But that’s less fun

Dan, 10:05 pm: 😳

Dan, 10:06 pm: that’s kinda gay

Fiona, 10:07 pm: I’m kinda gay

Dan, 10:08 pm: 😳

Fiona, 10:08 pm: 😏

Fiona, 10:11 pm: Can we move to the woods after I finish this paper

Dan, 10:12 pm: no sorry i’m leaving right now

Fiona, 10:13 pm: Oh well :( I’ll try to visit

Dan, 10:14 pm: thank you

Dan, 10:14 pm: just let me know when you’re visiting and i will make you the most mediocre stir fry you’ve ever had

Fiona, 10:15 pm: lmao sounds good

Fiona, 10:15 pm: I have to go work on my paper now :( but I will visit your cottage in the woods as soon as possible

Dan, 10:16 pm: appreciated

Dan, 10:16 pm: good luck on your paper!

Fiona, 10:16 pm: good luck on your move to the woods!