#3am me has rights

[jonathanbyersphd]

Karen Wheeler drunk as hell at the wheelers 1984 Christmas party insisting Jonathan call her Karen vs Ted Wheeler at the same party insisting Jonathan call him Mr. Wheeler

[unicornpopcorn14]

You know this scene?

And how it was played as a funny jab at Aku's starvation for approval?

Well, I think it portrays more condescension on Dazai's part than it seems...

Because Dazai touching Akutagawa might have been the reason he even fainted.

Akutagawa clearly agrees with Dazai when he points out his exhaustion, responding to his "You're at your limit, now, aren't you?" With "It doesn't matter".

Rashōmon could have been the only thing keeping Akutagawa standing at that moment.

Dazai could have been totally aware that that was the case.

And what he does? Nullify his ability right then and there. Seep what's left of his strength away. Before, and not after, he provides him the praise he oh-so-needs after so, so long.

I'm half certain Dazai wouldn't have given that compliment if he wasn't sure he'd turn his protege off that way. Never having to deal with the reaction, never having to handle the emotions that would result and stem because of him. Easier that way, isn't it?

And you know what? I don't even think Akutagawa heard him at that moment, else why would he still be adamant to win Dazai's approval after this scene?

[romidoes]

boooooyfriiiiieeeeendsss (husbands) you love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin

[lesbiancosmicowl]

meanwhile, lisa is trapped in the spiderweb that is her past, and the more she struggles to break free of it, the stickier the web gets. crazy thing is, she was nearly out of it not too long ago, until matty opened his mouth about becky. and the closure she thought she had, the justice she thought becky had gotten, the progress she'd made, the start of something new and good, it all just crumbled. she's back, stuck again, and it's so easy to see that this time she doesn't want justice, she needs revenge. so she's stuck again, in becky and matty and guilt and guilt and guilt. and she's still trying so hard to be there for carla, to be romantic and plan dates and buy her flowers and wine and show her she cares... but she's stuck in this web so how can she say 'i love you' back? and then!!! to have carla lie to her? about something so big? and being so caught up in the past that you leave her in the hospital? will you never learn from your mistakes? can you go through it again?

[airenyah]

i've managed to get really far with my ep4 meta, i've only got just over 3 scenes left (the "be my bf" scene, style finding out the truth, the gym scene, and i gotta finish the nc scene) but the problem is that i've only got about 4h left which i'll probably need to write it all up in the first place (also it's less than 3h bc i'm also travelling) and then i would still need to make the gifs and proof read it, which is also gonna be time consuming rip

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[tango-but-everywhere]

the usual for tomorrow night then, i’ll post with the spoiler tag (traffic spoilers) as soon as i lay eyes upon him

edit : reminder im australian 🇦🇺✨🧛🏻🦘⭐️ <- im not face revealing but this is sort of what i look like . i put it in the tags but im making it extra clear

[yumemiruuuu]

Not once, since I finished TGCF, did I ever stop thinking about Xie Lian’s ultimate technique:

Shattering boulders on one’s chest

[footballshowrot]

right side of my neck

[midnightwind]

gods, do I try to dig up any info on the city of Salle in Antiva or do I just make up a bunch of shit and hope no one else tries to fact check me

[humanmorph]

a parting gift (millie & leap sometime during ep 28)

[psalmsofpsychosis]

real talk though; if i could surgically remove the Bruce & Alfred scenes out of Gotham TV and make an entire separate Batman project out of them i would, because they're so distinctly different from the rest of the show and from the common Batman comic narratives, it floors me everytime. If we take the whole show as a body, the heart is placed in Bruce Wayne and it bleeds into his relationships with people, but most importantly with Alfred. It's such stark and exciting constrast to how Batman comics generally portray Bruce Wayne or the Batman persona; Gotham!Bruce is so tender and bare and transparent, heart beating and bleeding so close to his skin, you can see when it taints through his shirt, and his moments of absolute irrational sentimentality are not played cheap or like missteps in a planned protocol rational persona, they're utterly sincere and every emotion he expresses is as integral to his character as his moments of analytical calculation.

[svnflowermoon]

i think i'm in denial

[larstudy]

I'm sorry if I'm not active here these day, there's was a lot going on and I didn't feel like posting :((

Things seem to settle down but it's been complicated :((

[antiadvil]

The real reason it's important for me to take my migraine medication as soon as I realize I'm going to need it is that otherwise I end up waiting until I'm in so much pain I can't think straight and I'm going to end up taking it anyway and it's not going to work as well and I'll ignore all of the safety instructions and just chomp down on pills at 5am on an empty stomach like mmm yummy stomach ulcers for breakfast

[shaxxophone]