#3D Classics

[everygame]

3D Classics: Urban Champion (Nintendo 3DS) / Urban Champion (NES)

Developed/Published by: Arika, Nintendo / Nintendo R&D 1, Nintendo Released: 15/11/1985 Completed: 10/10/2023 Completion: 55 Rounds. “Downtown Champion.” Trophies / Achievements: n/a 

After playing Karateka and considering the other games that came out around the same time, I was struck by the fact that perhaps Nintendo’s most famous black-sheep black box, Urban Champion came out (if Internet-sourced release dates are to be trusted, which, as we all know, “ehh…”) about a month before Karateka did… and is also a side-scrolling one-on-one fighter???

Now, most people would quibble with my description of it as “side-scrolling” considering you actually have no control over that. The game is actually a succession of one-on-one fights with, er, the same opponent where you can move forward and back, punch and block high and low, and you’re just trying to push your opponent to the end of the screen. Do that three times and he falls down a manhole; if enemies push you back three screens, you fall down a manhole.

The reason I’m somewhat willing to call it a side-scroller is because the battles are over so quickly at times it feels pretty much as propulsive as Kung-Fu Master, never mind Karateka. The fighting is unbelievably simplistic and as a result there’s not really that much for the opponent AI to do, so you really just sort of wail away at them until you lose concentration like I did. I doubt that it’s been made significantly easier by Arika for 3DS or anything, and Nintendo have finally been shamed out of re-releasing this so it’s not even on Switch Online so I can’t compare against the original NES version, and I’m too scared to boot it up in an emulator in case I feel honor bound to play an entire round again and get stuck playing it as long as I already have.

Here’s what I’ll say for Urban Champion: It’s charming looking. The 3D Classics version is cute in that diorama-ey way 3DS games sometimes are (especially if you find the view mode that lets you see it in isometric profile–neat!) If someone else owns a copy (difficult considering it’s been delisted?) you can play it in local play with another player, which would probably be fun for a few minutes, or at least “something you could say you did.”

I can’t say this is Nintendo’s worst game, or even the worst black box release–the early sports games really are shite–because it’s responsive to play, but… it’s just bad, folks. Repetitive and boring and weirdly lacking in concept or spark. Perhaps it’s just multiple discovery gone badly wrong, but if in context they’d dressed this up properly as a side scroller with different enemies and some semblance of a plot, I’m pretty sure this would be fondly remembered now. But maybe they just ran out of time or didn’t care, who knows!

Will I ever play it again? I desperately wish I never do.

Final Thought: A Nintendo R&D1 joint, the internet claims, without as much veracity as I might hope, that this was designed by Makoto Kano, who would go on to write the scenario and design for Metroid of all things.

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[spinecutter]

i remembered i had free will. stills under the cut

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

It's almost Halloween, so I thought I'd bring this back...

No one could do "sensation, horror, and shock" like Vincent Price!

House of Wax (1953) dir. Andre De Toth

[highsocietygifs]

73' Monte

[spirk-trek]

Star Trek Set Tour 10/?: Recreation Room

[streetdevil96]

"THE HALLUCINAPE LABS" [lost PS2 game intro cutscene]

3D model + anim commission (also designed the game logo and ps2 box front/back cover)

commissioned by @wayneradiotv for @hallucinape

[banjotheturtle]

Yes obviously lolita is minimal JANICE!! Definitely not maximalist how could I be so foolish JANICE!!

[xinyuehui]

⁺˚⋆｡°✩ Celestial ₊ Message ✩°｡⋆˚⁺

[thewildwoodpigeon]

This is what living in the doctor who universe is like i think

[klearilist]

BREAKING NEWS: HE FELL FOR THE SOUP

[everygame]

3D Classics: Twinbee (Nintendo 3DS) / Twinbee (NES)

Developed/Published by: Konami Released: 10/08/2011 (Nintendo 3DS), 7/1/1986 (Famicom) Completed: 05/04/2023 Completion: a rare 1 credit “clear” finishing the first loop with 950,800 on the 3D Classics version. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Well it’s all surprises here, because I had tremendous fun playing through this after considering the original arcade release somewhat miserable to play through due to it’s relentless brutality. With the Nintendo 3DS taken out back and beaten to death by Nintendo, I took the opportunity while the big N was distracted to lift all the 3D Classics from behind the bar and I wasn’t expecting to play this for particularly long considering that the release doesn’t let you savescum your way through it (you get a single quick save, and it’s deleted when you load it back up. Right now it’s holding at the start of the second loop, triumphantly.)

However, it’s got a lot going for it. NIntendo’s 3D Classics range are a truly odd bunch and it’s a bit of a tragedy that they gave up on the series so quickly, considering they’d hit their stride with upgrades to Kid Icarus and Kirby’s Adventure, but the writing was probably on the wall with their decision to make the flagship releases Excitebike and… Urban Champion? A game they haven’t even released on Switch Online, they’re so shamed? To be fair, they did put out Xevious, and (oddly) they even put it out as an Arcade port, not a port of the (excellent) NES version, but that’s a game with a tragic lack of cache outside of Japan. I suspect these sold so horribly poorly that there was just no money in it, and I wonder if it was a bit of unconscious self-sabotage from either Nintendo (not wanting to just shove up 3D Super Mario Bros or 3D Legend of Zelda) or Akira (wanting to do more interesting releases). I mean M2 still puts out versions of Sonic every time they get to do some Sega re-releases even if all they really want to do is put out Fantasy Zone again.

Anyway. As I was saying, 3D Classics: Twinbee has a lot going for it. First of all, the 3D is good. I kept it on the whole time and never found it painful. Secondly, it mildly (quite mildly) prettifies the original NES release with the backgrounds not looking as plain and there’s a cute “theatre curtain” framing. And finally, and most importantly, it’s got auto-fire (missing on the Switch Online version…) and overall is nowhere near as much of a ballache to play as the arcade original.

It’s just a lot more… balanced. More forgiving. I mean maybe I’ve gotten really good at shooters all of a sudden, but that’s not particularly likely. There are a manageable amount of enemies and bullets on screen until the gauntlet that is the mid-point of level 5, and the power-ups are huge bumps in power–the “shadow options” create a wall of bullets and the shield lasts for a pretty ridiculous amount of time. If you’re able to get the shield and the rare 3-way shot, you’re golden.

With everything a bit less busy on screen, you can actually manage to juggle bells successfully, and in my 1CC I died several times and was able to get powered back up fairly quickly and with only some panic (in level 5 I did go through a death-loop ending up with only a single life left, but just managed to get a shield in time.) I was obviously helped by auto-fire… but that was a staple of third-party controllers at the time. It’s not cheating… really…

If there is a problem it’s that if you lose your arms (which allow you to bomb enemies on the ground) you basically get one shot at recovering them and it seems like the ambulance never shows up again and so you’ll probably die, or have to die, as a result. Oh, and the bosses are a bit crap.

This is good though.

Will I ever play it again? Well, I’ve actually beat this twice now, first on Switch Online with some saves and then on the 3DS, so probably not? But I recommend it over the arcade original and I now look forward to the sequels.

Final Thought: While I’m positive about this, I would say in 1986 the original release isn’t that exciting considering Xevious came out over a year before (November 1984) and is still, honestly, better. And I guess if you were buying 3D Classics (which you weren’t, because no one was) you were much better off getting Xevious there too even if 1CCing this is extremely rewarding. But yeah, if it’s 1986? It certainly seems like you’re better off saving your Christmas money till April when Gradius finally hits the Famicom.

Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up a digital copy of exp. 2600, a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price and Phyllis Kirk -

House of Wax (1953) dir. Andre De Toth

[nickolashx]

Dementium: The Ward (2007) & Dementium 2 (2010)

Dementium is a survival horror first-person shooter game series developed by Renegade Kid for the Nintendo DS. It later got a rerelease on 3DS & Switch.

William Redmoor wakes up in a medical ward with amnesia. Equipped with a flashlight, he discovers that the hospital he is in is abandoned and crawling with unspeakable creatures.

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price as Professor Henry Jarrod -

House of Wax (1953) dir. Andre De Toth