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yehet-me-up · 3 years ago

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Content Tag Game

Tagged by EXO sister-wife Kat @yeoldontknow <3 1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?

uhhh I definitely wrote half of several harry potter and lotr fanfics in HS but that was ‘the dark times’ many moons ago. so as an adult this is my only fandom! just stumbled into kpop and stumbled onto fanfics in the most backwards way possible (was sent a meme of a 1D ‘imagine’ and was like hey I wonder if they have these for kpop and then I found them and they were not a meme, but were fucking incredible AND NOW 4 YEARS LATER (started August-ish 2017???) here we are hahaha)

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

oh dear god i just remembered I have an AO3 account..... WHOOPS, shit 😅 might need to, y’know, update that at some point. jfc adhd object permanence is something else.

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

Personally it’s sci fi/fantasy, but here in the fanfic space I’d say..... uhh slice of life, romance, angst but make it a happy ending?? fanfic is a way for me to share all the sort romantic hopeful feelings I have about love and life and friendship and purpose 💕

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

Used to be a pantser when I started this (and when fics used to be like ?? 3k-5k) now that fics in general are longer for one-shots and series my good lord I need an outline. Especially for exo mall which is *insert meme of crazy guy with the bulletin board* a lot for my brain haha

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

I’d say mine are usually 5k or so?? some series were shorter per chapter, depending on subject matter. I tend to write like... interconnected long as frick oneshots, so i don’t count those as chapters ☠️

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

uhhhhh good question haha. my book was 95k and I think exo mall is like *dammit math* 140k or something that has significantly gotten out of hand. I have two more fics so it will probably be like 180ish when it’s done?? not including the drabbles to come haha

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

I loved No Quarter and torturing Kat with her husband, also staying up all night to finish Chanyeol’s exo mall knowing kat had NO idea it was coming was a BLAST. Kyungsoo’s exo mall was one of the most ‘in the flow’ writing experiences i’ve ever had. I wrote this Baek oneshot at like 3am when i couldn’t sleep once and tbh it felt like I wrote it in a dream. ja;slkfjasd I love so many of these this is like a trip down memory lane, so I’m going to be a wh*re and say two more haha. This is the most honest and close to ‘real life’ thing I think I’ve written on here (and also one of the only sex scenes I didn’t lose my goddamned mind trying to write a;sldkfja;sdf). And lastly Ablaze, which was the longest thing I’d written (I think) and let me know that hey? maybe I could write a book someday <3

11. favorite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)

This request for Exo Mall Baek was such a joy to write! And for some reason this Taeyong drabble makes me wish I had the time/energy to write it into a full story, it gripped me so much when I wrote it, like a movie had fully downloaded into my brain out of nowhere.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

For sure! I’d say found family is a big one. Trusting that you’ll find your place even if things don’t make sense or you feel unsure. Believing that love is worth the risk and fear of trusting someone ;laksjdfal;sd. That love can be big gestures and super intense, but that after that fades away it’s the small daily moments that matter most - the people who stay and listen when you’re sad, holding hands and forehead kisses, taking care of people when they’re sick or scared or just need company, showing up to try again or to communicate even when things are hard.

Someone commented on a fic of mine ages ago that I helped them see that real love (of that small, daily, consistent kind) is possible and MAYHAPS I cried because underneath it all, that’s what I’d want people to take away - that love of all kinds is scary, but it’s always worth it in the end <3

13. current number of wips?

Surprisingly just ... 3? wow how time has changed hahaha. I have Jun + Baek for exo mall (plus some drabbles but that will be something people write in about, so I wouldn’t consider them wips) and then I maaaaay continute on here with the Jun + Min regency baes series. We shall see :)

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

1. I can’t NOT write Baekhyun as the biggest cheesy dork in the entire world 2. That I’ll always have endless fantasy world to live in. I have to try actively to not start new WIPs because it’s so damn easy to be inspired. If I’m ever bored I know that I can jump into some story and let myself be carried away for a while 3. that who and how i am in real life is not usually the same person that i am when it comes to the vibe of my writing, and that that’s totally okay <3

15. a quote you like from a published story.

“I wish it had been with someone like you, though,” you say, squeezing his hand.

“Someone like me?” he says, raising his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

You look down at the floor, trying to figure out how to put how he makes you feel into words. “Yeah, someone strong, and steady. And safe.”

He lets out a laugh. “Safe? That sounds awfully similar to boring.”

“No, no. You don’t understand,” you say emphatically, coming to stand fully in front of him, grabbing his other hand as well. “You never ask me to be anything but who I am. You’re patient, kind, caring. For the longest time I thought that falling in love would be stifling. That it would… I don’t know, take my independence. Take my spirit. Make me into someone I don’t recognize.”

You step closer, holding his face in your hands. “But I can’t think of anything I want more than to be with you. You make me the best version of who I am. I don’t know how it is for you, being with me. But when I’m with you, it just feels like… home,” you finish gently.

- from Kyungsoo’s exo mall because THIS is how I feel about falling in love now, and this story was me working out what I believed about the process (like a goddamned emo bish haha)

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

For a moment you allow yourself this weakness. It won't destroy you to admire the strong lines of his body, the intensity and focus in the set of his brows, the deep, warm color brown of his eyes as they - oh lord, he's looking directly at you. As he notices you watching him his lips press into a small smile, inclining his head towards you.

'Oh no,' you say, mortified. In a breath you've blinked and drawn your arm through Maggie's, weaving your way through the crowd and dragging her with you.

'What's wrong?' she hisses in your ear, slightly off-kilter from the drink and revelry. 'You're going to tear my arm off.’.

'Sorry, he -' With a hand you push through the front doors, gulping in the cool night air and breathing deeply to steady the erratic pace of your heartbeat. 'Maggie, what's happening to me? He looked at me and I felt so... naked. I can't explain it.'

She realizes you aren't in actual distress and laughs. 'Good. About time you fell in love. I'm delighted.'

- From perhaps a future chapter of Jun and Min regency baes series....

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

Thank you so much. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. This fandom brought writing back into my life after such a long time away and I had no idea I would love it so much. The friends it’s brought me and the kind words that made me cry or cheered me up on a shitty day or made me laugh out loud and the watching other writers grow on their journeys. Getting to hear how something I made could help you feel less alone or less sad on a shitty day is all I’ve ever wanted from sharing all this. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing parts of yourself with me <3

Tagging anyone who sees this who would like to do it, even if you don’t consider yourself a “real writer” yet (yes you are, stop doubting yourself!!!!) 😘

#taggity tag

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lovelyfeetbyagnes · 4 years ago

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Decided to share my ED story here.

I don’t remember the exact age I started obsessing with food. But I do remember being bullied for my weight when I was like 10. My parents comforted me and told me I will grow up from the weight I had and I trusted them.

But when I was 13-14, I was still bigger than every girl around me. Everyone was tiny, cute, their bones showing. And I was the girl who had curves (but no boobs). My doctor started to call me on my weight and made me workout. And at that point I felt the euphoria from losing weight and getting the approvals from others. “Wow, your legs look skinnier!”

It was the time I first started reading pro ana blogs and created an illusion in my mind, that eating an apple a day is normal. That fasting all day seems legit. I remember how ED prevention was a big thing in my country and we actually went to seminars to get scared of ED and never start. But I idolized the girls on portraits they showed us. I craves what they had. Safe to say, I wouldn’t say I had a problem, because I thought I am way too fat to say I got ED.

On high school it all just got deeper. The girls in my class started obsessing of losing weight or keeping the weight and we all started dieting. It was the fat eating soup diet, the milk diet. I managed to keep my weight for four years, but all of sudden my grandmother died. I was devastated and started binging to eat away the sadness. And I gained 20 kilos in a months.

I started to get bullied again and that’s when I decided I would lose as much as possible in two months. I lost almost half of it, but still got bullied. And I continued. Soon I wasn’t even eating in school and simply said I did at home, while I only had PB with banana and crackers for breakfast and a salad with feta cheese for dinner and incredibly lots of workout in betweem.

I remember working out religiously, I’d do one hour of aerobic, then some blogilates workout and then I’d go on walk with my dog. It was my mission to shrink.

Soon, people started noticing I was becoming tiny. Guys looked at me, the bullying nearly stopped. But as ED was eating off my brain, I started to get depression, suicidal thoughts. I can’t believe I spend my skinny days being sad.

I would stop eating eventually around Christmas, I remember living off coke zero and clementines. Crying over Christmass dinner and feeling like throwing up.

It was confusing, but I was driven to lose even more. I wanted to fit in two size smaller dress. I went to my years’ prom, and just wanted to be as small as possible. Eventually the day of trying dress with my friend came. I tried first dress, it fell down off my body - not even my hips could catch the fabric. I was shocked, because they fit me few years ago. I tried another one, but I could swim in them as well. I didn’t see myself skinny. I saw a whale who failed to lose weight to the dress I wanted to wear (it was 25 centimeters off my back).

My friend asked to try the dress I bought. I was petrified to do so. And they fit. I reached the goal I gave myself. I fit in two size smaller dress. And.. it wasn’t enough.

I remember not eating the entire day of the prom and then going to my friends, asking them to lie to the guy I went with. Of course he asked in front of them if I’ve eaten anything.

And so it went for another couple of months, until I went to London. I gained some weight here and decided to recover.

I knew what I did wasn’t healthy, I knew I had to stop starving myself. And it went well, but soon enough I started binging, buying so much food and then eating it all in one day. I was losing my confidence, I was gaining weight.

I dont think I looked fat now, but I definitely felt ugly. And so I decided to lose weight with sports and started playing hockey. I didnt manage to control my binge, but at least I spent 3 times a week at ice, five times a week at gym. I was working out hard and I wasn’t gaining weight. It did fuck up my mind, because I wasnt happy. At any given oppurtunity I abused drugs and alcohol or went to McDonalds and started binging. I would use laxatives and I’d try to throw up. And then, after drug abuse episode, I got injury during a tournament. I couldn’t go to gym. I couldn’t go on ice and all was left was food.

And I started gaining weight, rapidly. All the years I spent starving, I would lose back. Until I had another anorectic episode. I got to the point I would be prescribed antidepressants for bulimics, so I wouldnt gain weight after using them. And I wasn’t necessarily bulimic.

And here we are. At my highest weight. After binging and letting myself go, I am third week on 1300 kcal diet. Trying to be active and not overthink what I eat. But yeah, here is me - relapsing. And honestly with ed it was the only time I looked as I always wanted. It is so sad to admit it out loud.

And as it is not just me, but I got married. And honestly need to hide my non eating better.

#bulimja #thinsppi #tw #weightloss #anorexja #ana #nia #mia #pro ana #proana #pro an #pro mia #promia

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rosesareviolentlyread · 4 years ago

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Howdy!

So, despite being a lurker, and then a semi-active person for a while I’ve never made an intro post! And, well, as one of the mods for @whumpmasinjuly now speed running the event to catch up, I figure I can be living proof that better late than never!

I’m Rosy, she/her/hers, a 22 year old Bi baby using writing as a coping mechanism for our hellscape. I’ve always enjoyed whump, without knowing it until I found the term last fall. I’m also a comfort whore, so always know that nothing I write has a sad ending, there’s fluff coming.

I love exploring OCs, vulnerability, interesting conditions for whump, and world building/making my ideas way too complicated. That or writing random requests to prompts. There’s really no in between. I've either thought about it way too much or not at all. Which I guess is to say, if there’s a prompt or scenario you’ve always wanted written drop it in my ask box, I enjoy the challenge! I’m really passionate about creative writing as a tool to explore, which ties into my work with nonprofit alternative education models.

I’ve got a few things posted on my blog, but none are the main stories I’ve been working on, because busy but also as said above I tend to...spend forever researching/drafting haha. If you’re interested in checking out the ideas I got in the pipeline, check under the cut! Feel free to let me know if you’d like to be tagged, some will start being published in the next few days.

And lastly, hope y’all don’t mind, but I thought I’d tag some friends & my fav authors in the community that have helped me start to get more involved!: @sableflynn @bleedingandfeverish @straight-to-the-pain @softsweetsuffering @mottinthemainpot @burtlederp @killtheprotagonist @slaintetowhump @wildfaewhump @ashintheairlikesnow @deluxewhump @0idril0 @whumpywhumper @moose-teeth @endless-whump @bloodandbandages @whumping-every-day @card-games-and-pain @starrywhump @nowhumponmain @orchidscript @untilthepainstarts @whump-tr0pes @albino-whumpee @whumpiary ok gonna stop tagging people now wow I read too much/talk to people a lot

My WIPs:

(Note: I’m trying to edit at least one of each to post this week but my muse hops around a lot so consistent and chronological these stories will not be. They’re ordered vaguely by where my muse is rn)

Elias: The newest one, a spur-of-the-moment addition who’s got a few more prompts coming. A boy who’s gotten the shit end of the stick in life ends up in the basement of a frat, tortured after the mob boss who took him to get a ransom from his shit-stain brother decided to cut losses and gift Elias to his nephew, passing him off as a boxboy in the process. Some well-meaning college students decide to rescue him, only to get into who knows what, certainly not me. Variation within BBU, thanks to @deluxewhump for the idea. Mainly recovery from torture for now

Studying About That Good Ole Way/Fae bb: A modern magic world loosely inspired by @0idril0 & @whumpywhumper’s Nico/Clint & Marcus/Lucien series’ respectively. Under the increased scrutiny of the modern age, magical creatures come forward with their existence. Fae have always lived in a state of fear but now more so, as their existence as a source of magic means they can be used for great feats, both by humans and magic folk alike. In fear, some hide their young as changelings in the hopes that in growing in non-magical communities, they will not develop their full magical characteristics.

Faith is a young girl from a ‘perfect’ anti-magic Christian family, who goes to a liberal arts college to study Theology. In her thesis work to understand how to reconcile God with the magic community, the exposure to the magic sparks her transformation into her full, natural Fae self. A professor/local pastor offers to help, which does not go well. Her brother Adam, who abandons his family and his church after it disowns and demonizes his sister, is left to pick up the pieces. Religious whump, torture, intimate whumper, some body horror/gore, recovery angst, a not-great himbo caretaker trying his best, found family eventually.

Once You Are Real: Victorian Magical vaguely Steampunk Fantasy world. A shopkeeper specializing in magical refurbishment & repair comes across a life-sized porcelain ‘doll’, broken and pieced together in webs of golden cracks. He quickly discovers that not only is this ‘doll’ actually a construct, it’s a sentient construct, the most advanced he’s ever seen, capable of distressing amounts of emotion and physical feeling. An uncanny valley of past pains that now sits on his bench to fix. Caretaker fluff, emotional angst, psychological angst, discussing human condition, some creepy/intimate whumper flashbacks.

The Paths We Travel: A trio that takes place in @wildfaewhump ’s Pathverse. Technically the first piece of this is posted, but I’ve rehauled it since then so I’ll be rewriting that intro.

Oren is a former A-Class, used to experiment with the extent of Class-A’s potential. He’s now sickened by his own abilities and seeking to hide, to find a new person other than the one he was. He’s trying to write his way to freedom, all the while avoiding his own history that’s written into every part of his person.

Cass presents an easy out, a friend-with-benefits that’s a bridge between his old life and a new one. Cass is a wealthy Class-C who’s parents hid her ability since she was the only child, and heir, to their pharmaceutical fortune. She’s on a mission to rebel and take hold of her identity, as only a privileged girl can, not understanding the consequences that may follow for a free path.

Alice is a Class-C who has lived her life working with a more private sector company, where her empath abilities were combined with drugs to offer high paying clients orgasmic and euphoric experiences without those nasty side effects. When Cass decides to rescue her while at a party on a whim, it’s a whim that thrusts the trio into a collision course. Drug/withdrawal whump. Recovery whump. Some real shitty caretakers, but they mean well. Exploration of not great people getting better together maybe? I control none of my characters please send help

Bakery Box Boy: Della, an older woman in charge of a popular bakeshop in a lakeside New England town is gifted a refurbished Box Boy as ‘help’ by a nosy neighbor convinced it’ll be a good way to help her finally grieve her recently deceased son. Della disagrees, and our poor BB is caught in the middle. Featuring a strong willed tough older woman caretaker, and a Box Boy who’s been refurbished about 3-5 times. God this is from a post from forever ago, but dammit it got too developed to throw away so it’s got at least a few prompts in its WIP folder I’ll get to editing eventually.

#whump #whump community #whump intro #blog intro #introduction #wijday1 #RosysWIJSpeedrun #procrastination doesn't stop at graduation #whump meta #when will I post these stories #maybe after nap #new whump blog #Kinda #do I still count as new even though I now run a whump server and a successful event lmao

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mageglory · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age Redemption (of a Plot) Part 2

And here we go with the continuation, folks. I still tag @dalishious since I started this after a rewatch organized by her blog before disappearing in the world of exams. Part 3, the last part, is already done and will arrive for the end of the day. Are we done? Let's go.

-After Josmael heals his wound and accuses Tallis of stabbing him, Tallis does her "I've proven a point by stabbing you" bit and Josmael, who's kind but not going to validate this, says "and this was the best way?" but ultimately follows them because he wants to help his clan.

-Cairn does his "I'm not working with an apostate they are evil" bit but when he says "my job is to lock them up or exterminate them" Josmael points up his hypocrisy (and also points up that tecnically he is NOT an Apostate, he's part of a different religion. He's a First) Cairn obviously ignores him/tells him to shut up, then Tallis goes "well you two will have to keep an eye on the other and follow me them" because she's so neutral and wise /s

-"We hoped the elder of our clan Yeven escaped the Chantry" "nobody escapes the Templars" "The Sarebaas did" brings out the "The Chantry killed him?!?" "No he was being examined" piece and in answer Josmael tells that humans sometimes attack dalish who wander too far away from the clan and torture them (like we see the templars do in da2 and in many other occasions). Cairn takes offence and Josmael answers that "examined" is just torture so he has no right to talk. Tallis points out the Sarebaas involvement and tells Cairn to keep up and Josmael gives Cairn a silent sideye.

-They still have the conversation when Cairn tells Josmael that it's better his loved ones died when he was young "feels less painful this way". Josmael starts answering coldly, but he's immediatey interrupted by Tallis qun wisdom before he can tell anything. Josmael answers, angrily, that love doesn't makes people selfish but it's what matters in the world and to help the casual DA fan to get who's right the conversation mirrors the romancing Warden and Wynne dialogue from Origins, with Tallis saying duty is all that matters and Josmael saying it's better to love and loose that not love at all. But we skip the Cairn x Tallis bit yes? yes. He just say love matters and that they are old. The duo laughs at that and say they are half the age of the dalish elders, and Josmael looks at them and says "I did not meant age. You are old inside".

-We skip the "Templars aren't allowed to marry bit" because WHAT IS SER WEASLEY THEN BIOWARE.

-The gang ambushes Sarebaas in the cave, still busy doing his "magic is unknown even to mages and what is a little blood for a lot of power" bit. That was a bit cliche but cool, a classic villain monologue and I can appreciate the classics.

-The battle starts and I laugh at the special effects used for magic, but basically it goes as in canon there, with Nyree the Reaver defeating Cairn and breaking the philactery. The mask of Fen'Harel activates. Also the scene where Tallis shows Sarebaas his collar and his "never again" stays, because it's cool, but Sarebaas is shown recoil on instinctive fear at it because we are gonna point out that he's the main villain but his hate of the Qun is justified. The bad guys get away and the "good" guys (lmao Josmael is the only good one there) + Nyree are trapped in the cave.

-The new episode opens up with Josmael being the only one to clear the rabble because "responsable" for them being trapped (which is a ridicolous argument but w/) while Cairn interrogates Nyree. When Nyree says that as mercenary she does not talk and Cairn hits her, Nyree laughs and asks Cairn if that's what he does to mages and if so he should put more energy in it because he's pathetic. When Cairn attacks again he's stopped by Tallis that tells him that Nyree is a reaver and it was a trap to make him angrier since she gets more powerful with more pain. And also because I like to think that Nyree like Zevran is a decent person so while she was totally provoking him the dab at the Templars was honest. #MageRights

-Cairn says to Tallis that the philactery is now broken and the two have a fight that deranges in something that can be summed up as "what kind of chantry fool lets our best way to get our Sarebaas back be destroyed" "shutup knife ears" and Nyree laughs at them and say she knows what the Sarebaas is going to do. Tallis pays handsomely Nyree to side with them and shamelessy confess to have stolen from the Keeper wagon. Josmael retorts, in a baffled/horripilates tone, that those money belong to the clan and should br used to help them all and she had no right to it.

-Tallis answers that capturing Sarebaas will help them all and basically ignores all of Josmael rightful anger. Cairn yells at the apostate that he would have totally killed Sarebaas if not for Josmael incompetence.

-Nyree proves that Cairn was basically torturing mages, remembering him from the prison. Josmael, still angry, sides with Nyree but Cairn is unrepentant. Tallis cuts off the discussion and the gang discovers that Sarebaas is going to Sundermount. Josmael rightfull is in anxiety at the idea of the woman he loves being killed for a blood magic sacrifice.

-Josmael looks at them broodingly/angrily in silence while they talk but then sighs and tells them of the shortcut.

-"What you know of this ruins?" "It's an ancient place of power from our people time" and Tallis goes with her "not our, yours". I shake my fist angrily at Bioware dividing elves but let it pass since honestly Tallis they are better without you get off that high horse.

-Lmao I forgot Nyree asks if Sarebaas could destroy qunari and chantry using the mask to call an army of demons. That's kinda of one my Tevinter ocs plan *toasts a drink to my gloriously evil woman*

-Nyree rightfully points out that Sarebaas was hurt and enslaved all his life and wants revenge but instead of saying "he's pissed at the world" she more openly says that the Qun made this. Tallis answers the usual propaganda of the qun piece of Sarebaas needing control and that's the only piece where I allow some Tallis x Cairn and only in a sarcastic sense. Nyree looks at them and tells Tallis she's no better than the Templars, even if she thinks she is and sarcastically adds "you two would make a great couple, killing kids together for their magic"

-They reach the conveniently placed carboard of an inn in the middle of nowhere instead that near abitations of roads. I'm sure they make great buisness.

-They talk while eating and Nyree informs them and us that she's from Nevarra, which explains why she is more open to magic than many others. If you are a casual DA fan don't worry, because Cairn will try to take a dab at the Mortalitasi, calling them "wicked necromancers" and trying to insult Nyree which gives our favourite woman in the group the occasion to shut him up and also briefly talk about the mortalitasi and say "the grip of the Chantry is weaker there".

-Then they talk about the Reavers abilities and at least there everyone is like "wow cool" because yes reavers are great and we should have knightly orders of reavers instead of chevaliers.

-Obbligatory Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena mention (<3) that part stays the same because I hate how Tallis tries to get in Nyree head but Nyree is perfectly capable to shut her up without my help.

-Josmael asks about Tallis mission, Tallis talks about qunari titles and how she was demoted and how she killed an orlesian slaver. Literally the only vaguely bonding part of the gang, if we ignore the Cairn and Tallis romance subplot (and we do, it doesn't exist. He still compliments her but not in a romancey way)

-For clarity Tallis still can/does vaguely flirt with Cairn in this scene but it is the typical spy flirt she does with Hawke too since the start and it is obvious both to Cairn and the audience than theres no romance and it's just part of Tallis personality (and as long as she doesn't stab mages Tallis can do what she wants)

-The "do you have to flirt all the time?" "no but I like it" bit is useful to make Nyree joke about the other two members of the group to Josmael. Because their friendship is amazing and I love them more than Cairn and Tallis.

-Then we got to the fighty part in the inn and both me and Galria Brosca cry of happiness at the existance of such a (Cailain voice) GLORIOUS rubber-made warhammer.

#dragon age redemption #dragon age #rewrites #tallis

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priorireverte · 4 years ago

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Congratulations Nat!

Your application for Lavender Brown has been accepted. My werewolf(?) flower child! Let’s focus on the trouble she’s going to get into and NOT how this is a day late.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Nat, she series

AGE: Old enough to have played Neopets when it was considered a popular thing

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Usually around 2-3 times a week. Sometimes more frequently. Sometimes I may be on once a week if my chronic illness decides to throw me for a loop.

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Lavender Brown

BIRTHDATE: April 27, 1980

DEATHDATE: May 2, 1998

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Female, she/her/hers, pansexual - openly

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

OCCUPATION: N/A due to recently returning

FACECLAIM: Sydney Park

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

Returning brought the news that Lavender’s father died several months after she did, leaving the Ministry with the option of handing her over to her mother. The woman is rather uneasy about the whole situation since she has no training in regards to what to do if the attack on her daughter results in the full moon affecting her.

Coping is confusing and has left Lavender rather anxious. The last thing she can recall was a searing pain in her neck and Fenrir Greyback being bent over her— the one face that truly haunts her memories. Having fought for what was right and just leaves Lavender with little regret toward the side she chose. After all, her father always encouraged her to follow her heart, and doing so meant not risking allowing the Dark Lord to take over. It will be a bit of a relief to know her death wasn’t for nothing (a big fear of hers includes discovering that their side lost) but the after-effects will haunt her waking moments.

Being attacked was certainly not how she imagined her life to end, with her returning focused on fretting about what will happen the first full moon she experiences. Her parents carried prejudices toward werewolves that she didn’t exactly support or question as a child past deciding she would come to a conclusion based on her own experiences. With Remus Lupin as the only werewolf she came across before the one that ended her life, she has some hope that things won’t be too unbearable. There’s just the matter of her mother making occasionally rude remarks and not wanting to spend long periods of time with her.

PERSONALITY

Before her passing, Lavender could be described as boisterous. She appreciated being the center of attention and was prone to being loud and behaving in ways that would get others to pay attention to her. Some would even go as far as describing her behavior as childish. It was merely a matter of getting the attention that her parents didn’t provide while growing up.

Although friendly, her personality had a way of grating on people. She had few friends and was grateful for the ones she kept throughout her time at Hogwarts. Reading situations is something she struggled with, often relying on Parvarti to keep her in check if she seemed too overbearing.

Divination was easily her favorite school subject, with care for magical creatures as a close second. She was rather clever, hiding behind the habit of playing dumb around her classmates.

Returning has left Lavender on the anxious side, feeling like people are paying extra attention to her because of the mystery around coming back from the particularly gruesome way she died. Falling from a balcony could have left her alive (damaged but alive). The attack from Fenrir, however, was too much to handle. Knowing he was what caused her to perish has her fearing the attention that is on her. There are too many unknowns and she feels as though the attention she is receiving is out of treating her as an experiment - not people being relieved to see her as one of the familiar faces among the returned.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Lavender is the only child of Isaac and Seraphina Brown. She was a welcomed addition to the family, with her parents doting on her during the first few years of her life. The novelty of having a child wore off once Lavender was old enough to have her own opinion. Her mother didn’t appreciate the attention-seeking ways of her child and kept the girl at a distance. Her father loved her but wasn’t overly affectionate, relying on material goods as a way of showing his feelings toward his child. She was rather spoiled but her childhood lacked the traditional warmth most parents provided their children with.

Although purebloods, the Browns did not officially pick a side during either war. Her father focused on the Ministry and managed to avoid being recruited by the death eaters. The main family values involved her father mentioning Lavender was destined for greatness that would be guided by her own decisions. He wanted her to have the confidence to think for herself and use her mistakes as learning experiences but did not have a constructive way of instilling those values that didn’t involve lecturing at his daughter.

HISTORY

Spoiled and lonely. The years leading up to going to Hogwarts were spent getting whatever she asked for from her father. It didn’t matter how expensive the item was or whether or not it was an appropriate item for her age. Although grateful the threat of tears served as a way of getting whatever she wanted, material goods did not make up for the emotional distance her parents used while raising her. The Browns were not overly social and Lavender spent her early life surrounded by books, dogs, the outdoors, and having minimal contact with other people.

Hogwarts was challenging since it meant meeting children her age. She didn’t know how to behave around others and struggled with understanding social norms during her first two years of school. The little guidance from her parents and peers made making friends hard but she did manage to befriend a few of the girls in her dormitory.

She was quite close with Parvarti Patil and the two were inseparable for most of Hogwarts — the teen serving as one of the first thoughts on her mind moments after coming through the veil.

Voldemort’s return was something Lavender didn’t immediately acknowledge. Her mother had made scathing remarks about Harry during the summer after the first bit of news spread about it and she went along with it in an attempt at getting attention from her mother. Peer pressure eventually led to her accepting Harry was telling the truth.

Lavender sided with Dumbledore’s Army and spent her last year of life being quite vocal about disliking the Death Eater’s interference at Hogwarts. She eventually took to hiding in the room of requirement since running her mouth was too risky and the castle had taken a rather dark turn.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Ugh. I would never - how dare you even suggest I enjoy this group enough to take on two characters, let alone three. I said the third would be a calm muse and here we are with the dice gods deciding the possibility of postmortem lycanthropy means chill.

Anyway, oof. Let me see the chaos of returning after being attacked by a werewolf and the uncertainty of not knowing if Fenrir did enough damage to have caused her to become one. (Emmy side note of we’ll need to further discuss this since I’m fine with either her getting a few wolf-ish traits from the attack or her returned life getting the hiccup of transforming on the full moon :|)

I would love to see Fenrir come into play and know that is rather wishful thinking but he could prove to be an interesting addition.

I’m mostly wanting to further explore Lavender’s character traits. I feel like J.K. Rowling deliberately made her annoying and gave her few reasons for readers to forgive her for her personality/basically went “wow loud girl that giggles too much and is emotional. Let’s keep her development at that.” Returning would mean those overly obnoxious traits being a little muted since she no longer likes the idea of all eyes being on her.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Mock blog: https://lavlavbrown.tumblr.com/

#prioriacceptance #lavender brown

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wobbly-flamingo · 3 years ago

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Hello! I’ve started a new blog with more of an MS-focus.

The good, the bad and the ugly

This week I want to talk about inclusion, as it’s National Inclusion Week. Specifically, I’ll be comparing my new, very inclusive employer to my previous, very non-inclusive employer where I experienced discrimination, bullying, exclusion, sexual harassment, verbal abuse from senior colleagues, gas-lighting, unfair treatment, and a generally very toxic work environment.

To start, the good! I’ve been working in my current job for 3 months now and it’s by far the most inclusive and supportive environment I’ve worked in. By really far. I was astonished in my first few days to realise how much of an emphasis there is on wellbeing for employees and how many resources there are for us. There are multiple staff diversity networks - I am a member of the LGBT+ staff network, the disability staff network and the women in work network. There are regular “Let’s talk about...” meetings hosted by the networks and I try to attend one every couple of weeks. There’s a lot of encouragement in our department, to focus on your own wellbeing and keep yourself well. In my experience so far, there’s a very high level of engagement around wellbeing between co-workers, line managers and departmental heads. Whenever I have a catch up with my line manager the first item on the agenda is for her to ask me about my wellbeing. She regularly asks if there is anything they can do to support me, and makes really useful suggestions. For my interview, the interviewers asked me if I wanted any reasonable adjustments! I did. And they were happy to oblige. It’s the most positive and supportive professional environment I’ve worked in. Despite the fact that I am working longer hours in this job than I was previously, I am able to cope better because the resources are there and the support system is there. Plus, I love my job!

Now for the bad and ugly... I experienced so much toxicity at my previous job that I could be here for days talking about it. So I’m just going to give a couple of examples. Before my MS diagnosis, I didn’t hate my job, I thought it was alright. But I noticed very early on that they had an incredibly toxic and unhealthy work environment. I was bullied, I was verbally abused by senior colleagues, I was sexually harassed. After my diagnosis however, things got MUCH WORSE. The bullying really went up a notch, the verbal abuse by senior colleagues did not stop, neither did the sexual harassment; on top of this I started to experience a lot of unfair treatment, exclusion from work events and team activities, discrimination, and gaslighting by a very senior colleague.

I was hospitalised on my 30th birthday and spent most of the day in the MRI scanner. A few days later I was diagnosed. After getting out of hospital I was signed off sick for a couple of weeks. On reflection I wish I had stayed off work for longer. I was honest with my employer from the start, and while I was in hospital my parents had been phoning up to keep them in the loop. My employer decided to share my very personal diagnosis around the office so that everyone knew, which is completely against company policy but whatever. Anyway just a few days after getting back to work, I started getting incredibly unhelpful comments and questions such as “you need to engage your brain more” and “couldn’t you have tried harder today?”. I was criticised constantly for not working fast or hard enough, for struggling with concentration, and for making small errors. I tried countless times to explain that cognitive impairment is a very common MS symptom and that I was struggling with my cognition and fatigue, among other significant symptoms. I was on reduced hours for absolutely ages, at the advice from several medical professionals and occupational therapists.

I had people go behind my back and report to my line manager that they had caught me (after 5pm and therefore after working hours) campaigning for climate justice and that they were “concerned for my health”. Pahahahahahaha. Naturally my line manager didn’t defend me and instead pulled me into a meeting to ask me about it. I pointed out that it’s nobody’s business what I do in my spare time as long as it doesn’t conflict with company policy.

I was told I was over-reacting to situations and making THEIR lives difficult! I mean wow. I’ve just been diagnosed with a life-long, incurable, debilitating disease, and this was apparently making things difficult for them...

Despite having very obvious mobility difficulties and walking with a stick, I was being asked to take senior colleagues’ paperwork up and down stairs for them (not part of my job) and when I said that I was in too much pain to be doing this, I was told to stop being difficult and that I should be seeing this as an opportunity to expand my job role!! It does actually make me laugh now. But at the time I didn’t find it funny; in fact I had no idea how to deal with it.

When I told my line manager one day that I was struggling with stress and feeling overwhelmed with work, to the point that I was heading for a breakdown, I was told that “everyone is under pressure so we just need to get our heads down”. Helpful.

For the majority of the 2.5 years I was there, I was regularly verbally abused by a senior colleague. Apparently he had treated other members of staff the same way and got away with it also. Colleagues of mine had to actually leave the room when he spoke to me in that manner because it made them uncomfortable. During the height of the pandemic when most of us were home working, this abuse was just given over the phone instead. There was one particularly bad incident last Summer, where he was shouting down the phone at me and got real personal. When I mentioned this to my line manager and said I no longer wanted to converse with this person, I was told that it was literally part of my job so I had no choice but to continue our working relationship, despite how intimidated I felt. The one person who should have had my back, did not take it seriously. Worse than that, the regional director was in the same room as the bully so had overheard his side of the conversation, and I naively thought “good news, someone that overheard the conversation can back me up” but nope - instead he said that my version of what had happened was untrue and that I was over-reacting.

Unfortunately it took me about 7/8 months after this incident to find the right job, but boy am I glad to be out of there! Toxic was probably an understatement really. The sad thing is that there was a small handful of people there that I did get on with and would have liked to keep in touch with, but I have sort of cut all ties with the place, and I am much healthier and happier for it!

#inclusion #diversity #wellbeing #mental health #toxic #toxic work environment #toxic culture #supportive #positive #healthy #unhealthy

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leanarg · 5 years ago

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Practice Challenge II

((Hi again! So, these are 3 fics in one post! Including my first two rps with @ladyreggiewright (our very first one after ages not doing this so asdfghk) and with @wylan-caldwell I had so much fun doing both, so thank you, guys! <3 Thanks for reading too, hope you enjoy them as much as I stuggled writing them ;P Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ARTjqveFJ1njDc2LL0PU4C0ShN2jlO9JC1Imt9MDTh8/edit?usp=sharing ))

A CHANGE OF LUCK

“Alright, y’all ready?” Rita said with a loud voice vibrating with nervousness. “The speeches are over. In the next block, Prince Arin will be picking the names.” That was her fifth lap around the entertainment office floor and she just couldn’t stop repeating what Vandy Post had already announced before each round of commercials. I knew she was trying to act authoritative, but seeing her in this state was always amusing.

It wasn’t unusual that the building was bursting with energy this late at night. The pre-press team always stayed working on putting together the bulldog broadsheets content and adding the last details, then sent the whole thing before the deadline to the press team operating on the last floor, where they were all in charge of the printing process. I would dare to say there was activity in this place 24/7. But this particular night, we were focused on The Report. The streets looked almost empty from up here, everyone was at home in front of their TV waiting for the names of the lucky girls randomly picked by a drawing of names out of different crystal boxes. 35 provinces, 35 boxes, 35 names.

My attention had been focused on Arin’s stern expression. His life was about to be decided by fate, or as many people want to call it, destiny. I wonder what was he thinking, standing there expressionless, willing to uphold his duty.

Is he excited? Is he nervous? Is he wishing he could run away from that room and leave all this tradition behind?

My name was inside of one of the boxes, so I should had been even more anxious and edgy than Rita herself, but, after the PET Gala fiasco, where: I hadn’t gotten the clues I was so close to getting, I hadn’t finished the job I was supposed to be doing and my one month salary had been reduced to half; I was certain that whoever was in charge of my luck was not very fond of me.

“They are back!” Rita shouted as soon as Arin’s face reappeared. Everyone in the room fell silent. I scoffed a laugh when I noticed them unconsciously leaning slightly towards the big tv, but I ended up doing the same after adjusting my glasses. One by one the basic information of the selected were being transcribed from the screen to our devices as Arin picked out their papers.

<< “From Allens, Idalia Moretti, from Angeles, Emily Rose White,... from Honduragua, Callia Adair…” >>

My fingers were moving fast across my cellphone’s keyboard. These were the girls we would be hearing a lot about from now on and I needed to know everything about them.

<< “From Labrador, Lea…” >>

I froze. My head felt dizzy trying to take in what I had just heard. For the shortest of seconds, everyone’s eyes were on me. I could hear Rita’s voice instructing them to get back to work and maybe someone else was now in charge of The Globe’s blog but at that moment I couldn’t care less about that.

It’s really happening... I made it to the selection!

Finally, I could stand up. I was feeling so much energy inside me that I wanted to run. Suddenly, the lift made a sound and my dad came quickly out of it and … wait, my mom is here? She was carrying my sleepy little brother, Dean.

I could read the shock on my parents’ faces.“I’m in!!” I said a little too loud but since Mr. Grant was there no one dared to complain. My dad let out a short laugh before extending his arms for an embrace. “Congratulations, Rosie, I knew it would happen, didn’t I tell you V?” He said to my mom. “Grants always get what they want.”

Ugh, I wish. But I wasn’t going to argue with him right now, so I just offered him a wink.

As soon as my father let go, my mom surrounded me with her free arm. “So how does it feel to be a lady, huh? We have to celebrate this!”

“Well, do ladies feel hungry this late? Cause I wasn’t feeling it a moment ago.” “Yes, let’s leave these guys to work in peace.” my dad said suddenly remembering where we were. After clearing his throat as if that simple gesture was a switch between the dad and the boss, he talked with Rita to make sure someone had replaced me updating the blog, then he congratulated everyone for their dedication and finally wished them good night. “I just hope you are paying me the full day,” I said to my dad as we all headed outside.

“I mean, are you working right now?” He raised an eyebrow, mockingly.

I sighed “I guess Grants can’t always get what they want after all.” And I meant it in more than one way.

The next week ran fast. My father and I agreed that I had to keep going to the office as usual, but it wasn’t easy to balance my work and my phone ringing every 5 minutes. More than once I had to ride home in the middle of the day because someone was waiting for me at home.

First, a man with a very peculiar face came to do some kind of interrogation, which was understandable until we got to the most uncomfortable, personal ones. I almost spit my coffee laughing until I realized he had no intention to leave until he got every answer to each one of the questions on his list.

Like him, I received a tailor and a doctor; but it wasn’t until the press started to ask for interviews when I realized my life had made a turn of 360 degrees.

The thing I lamented the most about this odd schedule was that I couldn’t travel to the provinces to interview some of the selected as we had planned, but I did take advantage of every opportunity I had to do deep research about them.

Some of the names or last names could be found on old newspaper editions, there were tragedies, accomplishments, unfortunate events… I smiled to myself, while I made annotations on my journal, fascinated by all the different interesting lives that were about to gather under the same roof. And I guess somehow that included mine.

The farewell party organized by Labrador’s Mayor seemed more like a political campaign than a real party. I might have fallen asleep during his speech if I hadn’t been texting Harris for the 40th time that week.

The last time I knew something about him was the night of the announcement when he sent me a simple “Congratulations, Lady Lea.” Then as the photographer, he had to go with Rea to the half-tour over the country to cover the selected interviews.

“How dare you not be here when you are needed,... you lucky mooncalf.”

I looked up to see the crowd from my place on the big platform set in the middle of the Amberly park. It hadn’t been a very good idea, because there were grey clouds gathering over us and the sun was partially covered by them already.

Someone forgot to check the weather section today.

But the trees surrounding us were decorated with purple and green metallic balloons -the colors of our province- and there were several signs with good wishes so I appreciated the effort.

Everyone was here; The Globe employees that didn’t like me at all, my family on the first row, my college best friend, Liv had made space on her busy schedule to come to the event, even my grandmother had sent his chauffeur with presents. That was her way to show support and I honestly didn’t have any complaints. After the Mayor’s speech, the great boss Maxwell Loyd took the microphone to speak, I rolled my eyes, not caring about the people in front of me. He didn’t waste this opportunity to promote himself and flatter me. I mean, if he really had thought all that about me I would have had a promotion and a raise already, instead I just got ridiculous instructions and a handshake.

When they both finally finished, the rain had started to pour, plus it was almost time for me to leave for the airport. I buttoned my coat before taking my place behind the microphone to start talking, but the eyes of the lady in charge of my schedule forced me to skip until the end of the speech I had prepared the night before. Every time I was going to make it sound deep and sentimental she made a sign for me to hurry.

“I appreciate your support… I will do my best… thank you for coming.”

Were the only complete sentences I managed to say under such pressure. There was clapping and cheering afterwards, but there was after the previous boring speeches as well, so I didn’t get too excited about that.

“Have a good time, my Lea.” My mother said after kissing my brow. I could smell her sweet perfume that I was going to miss. “I will, mom. Take care, I’m only leaving cause I know you are going to be in charge.” I side eyed the two men of the house. Then I kissed my little brother and messed his blond hair. “Bye bye little toad.” He just babbled something and waved his little hand.

“So, Lady Grant. What do you expect from Prince Arin? Do you secretly plan to drink all the coffee from the Angele’s Palace? Rumor has it your father won’t let you marry until you turn 48 years old do you think Your Highness would wait for you that long?” “Wow, Mr. Grant you ask pretty basic questions, I have been asked the same ones all week.” He gave me a big tight hug and I ignored the wool of his coat feeling itchy on my cheek. “I’m very proud of you Leana, and of course I’m not talking about this selection situation… I’m sorry about-” I stopped him not wanting to have our little disagreements as today’s last memory. And I also hoped I could change his mind by the time I returned home. “We can talk about that when I come back, dad.” He nodded. “I’m starting to feel bad for our dear Prince Arin.” I scoffed a laugh.

“Lady Grant, we are past the established hours already.” I heard a lady behind me.

I turned to my friend Liv with an apologetic expression but she just smiled and waved. “I will text you… Bye! The rain started to fall harder but I had read the weather section on the paper this morning so I was properly dressed with boots and a coat over my white shirt and black pants.

I walked towards a guard who was holding an opened umbrella to cover us with it. He opened the door of the car. Then he offered to take my bag for me, but I had packed some of my old journals in there among my personal things. “Thank you… What’s your name?” “Finn Ray, my lady.” He answered confused. “I will keep this here with me, Finn.” I said in what I hoped was a reassuring tone before entering the car. I guessed he was new at guarding selected, because I noticed him turning to look at the woman in charge of the schedule. She nodded once at him and joined me inside the limousine.

By the time we got to the airport I had learned that our chauffeur was called Alan Cobb, he had been working for the palace for 3 years on special occasions. He had three kids and his wife was expecting a baby girl.

The strict lady was Miss Ramirez, she was happily single, obviously tardiness was her biggest pet peeve and she had worked there for 6 years already, but she enjoyed her job and had never thought of doing anything else, although I didn’t quite understand exactly which was her role in the royal offices of Labrador.

She left me at the boarding door after wishing me luck.

The flight to Angeles was long. I shared a plane with 3 others selected, that seemed pretty decent at first sight.

We had a polite introduction conversation before we took off, but then everyone focused on her own thing; Jen Li, -the Yale law student from Waverly- took advantage of the 8 hours flight to sleep. Alana Hansen looked out from the window almost the whole time lost in her thoughts, and based on the green tone on Regina Wright’s face I guessed she was a risky company for the moment.

I remembered I had read about her parents' unfortunate plane accident in an old newspaper, they used to be famous politicians and she was an apple that had fallen close to the tree. Hopefully not too close.

So, considering my options I prefer to write in my journals during the whole trip.

As soon as we arrived we were hurried to a room for makeovers. For me it felt more like a day in the salon, nothing drastic was made, just a few lights on my hair, perfect makeup and a stunning blue dress with matching elegant pump heels shoes.

They did insisted on giving me contact lenses, since I had forgotten to pack mine, so after a long argument with the stylist, Mariel, I decided to wear the contacts and let him enjoy “his creation”.

In the end, despite the little changes, when he showed me my reflection in the mirror, I had to recognize I was content with the upgraded version of me.

ESSENTIAL RESEARCH

The tour around the palace was quite short considering its size. I was almost sure that it was bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside, but the curiosity to see my new room, made me settle with the basic information,

I took a glance down at the little map on my hand. Eloise Hall room 28, second floor. As I headed to the stairs, the decorations and fancy details surrounding me were impossible to ignore. With every step you could find paintings by famous old artists -my mother admired- hanging on the walls, expensive vases and beautiful furniture.

Looking around I spotted one of the selected quickly scribbling some notes in a notebook. As I got closer I noticed she was my plane mate, Regina Wright. Her green tone had disappeared or maybe covered with makeup and she looked much more secure now that we were down here on earth soil.

I laughed a little bit inside walking by her side “Hope whatever you are writing is worth a bump on your head.”

“I hope so too” She said absentmindedly, not looking up from her notebook. After some seconds she took a short look at me, flipped through her notebook and quickly closed it before I could react and lean discreetly to read what she was working on.

Okay, now I’m curious.

“Excuse me, hi. Leana is it?” She gave me a polite smile.

“Yes, feeling better... Regina..? I asked faking ignorance.

She looked at me as she didn’t know why I was asking her that but then just answered, “Splendid. But please, call me Reggie.”

We continue walking up the stairs towards the second floor, while we shook hands,

“I'm Leana Grant but you can call me Lea or Lee” I said touching the arc of my glasses I had put back on as soon as I left the makeover room.

She nodded. “Alright, Lea. Journalist, correct?” She made her pen click as if she was going to start writing again. I frowned, puzzled. “You too?”

She chuckled at the question as if I should already know who she was. And the truth was, I did.

“No,” she finally said, opening her notebook again, adding something, then she continued. “So, what brings you here?”

I was sure Reggie had many qualities but subtlety wasn’t one of them.

I pressed my lips together, thinking about my motives, which one of them should I tell her? I’m here as an inside informant for The Globe; or, I’m here to live and learn about this whole selection phenomenon… I didn’t even know which one was the right answer. “... just figured I couldn't miss this whole thing, you know.”

Half- truths are always safe.

“Are you here for politics?” I added before she could even think about my answer.

She looked pleasantly surprised by my question, clearing her throat. “Yes, that is one of the reasons.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You did your research.”

I guess it was my turn to feel recognized, but unlike her I didn’t want to be so obvious, so I shrugged. “Your name rang a bell.”

She looked at me suspiciously, lifting her chin, a slight movement I didn’t quite understand. “Is that so? That's good, I suppose. Best to be prepared.”

“Maybe you are right, I guess you actually did your research. What do you have about me?” I asked directly now, pointing at her notebook casually.

She remained serious. “Oh, just the usual. Occupation, caste, age. Name, obviously. There's 35 of us after all. Would be a shame to get anyone mixed up.”

“Well, now most of us are threes and the twos are pretty well known.”

“Yes well, obviously. Was to be expected. It's still an appropriate mix.”

Her statement made me remember her parents somehow, obviously she had their school but I wonder how much she agreed with them. “That’s... a word to describe it, yes.” I answered incredulous, “So where are you staying?” I asked, as I noticed I have already found my room.

We discovered we were room neighbors which I decided was very convenient for me. I liked people who have answers to my questions.

She was concerned about my acoustic guitar hobby and I assured her I hadn’t brought mine with me. “The music room will do.” And she assured me her studying was going to be silent.

The conversation continued but my curiosity was already unbearable, so I opened the door of my room to check it out. I didn’t want to be rude so I invited Reggie inside as we talked.

“What are you working on?” I stepped inside

She followed. “Political Science Major.”

I gave her a glance to let her know that was not the answer I was looking for.

She blinked with realization. “Oh, I see I misunderstood. Well, actually I was just writing a paper on the pros and cons of capitalism and if our country should focus more on it like we did when we were still called the 'United States'” She air quoted the name.

I looked around my room considering her answer. Suddenly my eyes met with three maids standing in line in the middle of the room. When they saw us they made a courtesy and I nodded at them as a greeting, hoping we can have proper introductions later.

“Hmm the lesser of evils... but the United States not exactly an example to be followed.” I said to Reggie.

“Exactly.” She said. I noticed her writing a mark in her notebook.

“A-are you like grading me?” I dared to ask what I had suspected since the beginning, but I didn’t want to believe. It was shocking at first but after the third mark it became amusing.

“Who else do you have in there?” I asked curiously before running next to her to peek at her notebook. She closed it again. When I looked at her she smiled at me awkwardly “No, of course not. Just remembered something.” Her notebook was behind her back, now out of my reach. She straightened her shoulders before adding, “Well, thank you kindly for your invitation, glad to have met you…”

I stayed there confused, Had I gotten it wrong? Or was I right and she didn’t want me to know? Anyway, I should have said nothing. “Alright ... glad to meet you too, see you around.” I said worried that she might be uncomfortable now.

She nodded as she headed to the door. One of the maids hurried to hold the door for her.

I frowned concerned, I couldn’t just lose a source like her. “Wait for me tomorrow, I think we can walk to the dining room together.”

She turned to give me a frown, seemingly confused by my suggestion. “But I already know where it-” then she smiled. “I will.”

As soon as Reggie left I took out the journal from the pocket of my dress and tossed on the pretty desk by a large window where I peered at the view of the Angeles city.

FOR THE RECORD.

After introductions my maids brought me dinner up to my room. So while I was eating the best creamy mustard chicken I ever had, we had a little chat.

Among other things we talked about I expressed my surprise when I didn’t see any Royals when we arrived. Liberty, Camila and confirmed the Schreaves didn’t plan to meet any selected tonight, we would have to wait until morning. Queen Anjeli and Princess Ayesha had to leave the palace to attend important matters and Wylan Caldwell in spite of not being a selected was currently living in the Palace. Back in Labrador, I managed between college, work and extra work to fill my schedule, my mother never liked me being out of the house so late at night or sometimes not being able to have a complete breakfast in the morning, I enjoyed being busy and drive my Vespa from one place to another, but it was hard for me to admit that one of the reasons I liked my life that way was that besides when I was concentrated writing notes on my iTypewriter; I was not good at being alone with my thoughts. That’s why when I was a child my mother bought me a ukulele to play when I was feeling anxious, which gave excellent results. Later when I entered college I took a short guitar course with the same purpose.

Therefore, later that afternoon, when my maids went back to their chores, leaving me alone I decided to leave my room to check out the music room, as I promised Reggie I would do.

It took me some minutes to find the right door downstairs but my memory had never failed me and it wasn’t going to start now.

I opened the third door in the west hall and peeked inside. I felt relieved when I saw the big piano in the last corner and dared to walk inside. Besides the piano, there were several instruments resting on their stands spread around the room, most of them to play classical music, but luckily, an acoustic guitar was among them. I was going to pick it up to test it when I spotted shelves full of old vinyl records.

I walked towards the vinyl record player, it had a beautiful vintage look, it’s big horn imitated the ancient gramophones used during the Victorian years, but I suspected to be a more recent model.

I noticed someone had left a classic record on, I wonder which one of the Royals had been listening to it as I moved the tonearm onto the outer edge of the disk, the little diamond tip to touch the groove.

I guess I still remember how to use one of this.

I stretched my arm and pulled one of the discs from the upper shelf, the others came down with it and << "KNEEE-KNEEE!!" >>

The blaring sound of violins vibrated around the room making me wince for the annoying sound filling my ears.

“Damn!” I covered my ears while trying to find a way to turn the bloody record player off before my head exploded. Overwhelmed by the sound I went on my knees and stretched my hand behind the furniture looking desperately for the plug, but before I could find any the music stopped.

I stood up still touching my ears

Have I gone deaf?

“I take you didn’t mean to do that.” I heard someone say behind me.

Okay, I haven’t

I turned around to find a guy eyeing me warily, from the corner of my eye I noticed a laptop and a couple of heavy leather books that weren't on the table before.

“I was considering turning it on but it made the decision for me,” I said without explaining.

At that moment, a couple of guards came into the room alarmed. They scanned the room quickly before looking at us puzzled.

Wylan followed my gaze and turned to them, slightly. “Just a mishap. We’re fine.” He acknowledged with a wave of his hand. I let out a sigh of relief as they left the room to return to their posts.

“First time using a record player?” He asked to continue teasing

I gave him a deadpan look. “Ha-ha I take that the last person who played it had some hearing problems.” Before I crouched to pick up the rest of the vinyl records still scattered on the carpeted floor, I noticed a smile tugging at his lips that didn’t last.

In a minute he was bending in front of me to help. “You picked some good ones.”

Suddenly we looked at each other for a second, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at his for a second trying to figure any sign of sarcasm in them, and he just had the word “awkward” written all over his face. Obviously I was making him feel uncomfortable.

I would have laughed if I hadn’t been so busy trying to read him.

“I like classics- acoustic to be precise.” I finally said with a shrug. “Do you own any of these?”

“This John Mayer one is mine. I have some other ones too. They’re over there.” He gestured to the rack behind me, then stood up with the vinyls he helped pick up.

I raised my eyebrow and nodded approvingly. “You have some taste, I will give you that.” I looked up at him, waiting for him to offer his hand for me to help me stand, but apparently living in a castle was no guarantee of anything, so I just stood up slowly, brushing my dress.

“Some were gifts I grew to love.” He acknowledged, holding the vinyls out for me. “I’d recommend keeping the volume down before you turn it on next time.”

I took the discs to put them back in its place on the shelves “Well, you should put a sign somewhere,” I joked, a bit annoyed by his recommendation.

I adjusted my glasses and stayed standing there, admiring the vinyl records once more. My curious mind wondered about the Prince. “Which ones are Arin’s?”

“I’m not sure. He might not own any.” I caught him glancing at his things he had left on the table before back to me. “Might be a good question to ask him yourself.”

Or you’re just evading the question. But fortunately, one of the things my job had teached me was to have thick skin so I wasn’t going to let him get away so easily.

“You really don’t know or you don’t want to tell me?” I asked with an amusing tone.

He let out a small sigh, relenting a bit. “He likes The Killers. There’s probably a vinyl or two of those in here if you really need a good conversation starter.”

I faked a grimace “ugh! that piece of information should’ve hurt…” I said mockingly before adding. “I guess some advice for tomorrow’s interview is completely out of the table.”

“Depends on what advice you’re looking for,” he let out, surprising me.

I started to walk around the room still looking at him, considering my answer. “I don’t know, you are his friend... knowing a little bit about his personality would help,” I said casually, as if I didn’t already have thousands of questions listed in my head.

But somehow he knew I did. “I’ll answer one question you have. Just one.”

“So generous …” I said more to myself than to him. My hand went unconsciously inside the pocket on my dress and my fingers touched my journal inside of it, purely out of habit. Of course, I wasn’t going to take it out so I crossed my hands in front of me as I resumed my walking around the room.

“Okay…” In my mind I was looking for a single question that could indirectly tell me things about Arins personality … and why not about Mr. Uncomfortable himself too.

“How do you start getting along back in college, like how did you become friends?”

Suddenly he let out a laugh, startling me. I frowned at first, but then I decided it wasn’t so bad, it picked my curiousness further.

I looked at him genuinely amused and he begined, “We were both going for runs and without knowing, I drifted a little too close. I was listening to music and not paying attention. His bodyguard sort of…” He paused to bring his fist to his neck simulating a punch. “And took me down.” I could see he was amused, for real.

I laughed picturing the scene on my mind, considering all his previous teasing and had to admit it was a little bit entertaining to do so. “Ouch! His bodyguard does look ... fierce.” I commented remembering the man’s complexion I had seen several times on TV.

I wait for him to continue before asking, “what happened next? What did Arin say?”

His smile was more like a ghost on his face now, not physically there but somehow still present. “He apologized. After that we found out we shared a couple classes together and I offered to help him study for exams.”

“That’s an epic story… I bet it left you marked for some days.” I made a grimace, touching my neck, imagining the pain.

“Swallowing hurt, to say the least,” he said, remembering. After a minute, he combed a hand through his hair. “ Did that satisfy your question?”

“Hmm yeah, it was good, for now” I answered scoffing a laugh. The truth was I didn’t expect to enjoy his story that much, but I just couldn’t settle with only one question, but it wasn’t convenient to push more questions on him now.

Fortunately he didn’t refuse, he just rolled his eyes at me, amused. “Alright, well I have to get back to work. At least try to not deafen the entire palace again.”

“I can’t promise anything.” I let out, finally taking the acoustic guitar from its stand, while he turned to gather his things.

“Reassuring.” He gave me a side glance and started walking out the room, he offered a two fingered salute before disappearing behind the opened door.

After a second, while looking down at the guitar already in place on my lap, I compelled, “Wylan... thanks!”

“You're welcome.”

I heard him say from the hallway just before I started strumming the guitar strings, hoping its sound was enough to help me survive the first night.

#OC 6 #PC part 2 #Reggie Wright #Wylan Caldwell #((thanks again to Cassey for reading and giving me some perspective ))

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alternislatronemhq · 5 years ago

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Congrats, Karli, you have been accepted to AL for the role of Sirius Black (FC: Rob Raco). Wow, Karli, well done! As I was reading your app, I found myself totally taken in by your characterization of Sirius. You really understand him the way that I had envisioned him for this plot — the slightly immature, bitter, grudge holding mischief maker who has had to grow up and be a parent because of the loss of his brother and best friend. You really had a grasp of the plot and I found myself getting so excited to play Lily alongside you. Just, really great job, I’m so excited to have you here! Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist.Welcome home, we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Karli age — 29 pronouns — she/her timezone — CST activity level — Probably an 7-8 right now. I’m off work for summer break with a few things to do here and there, but I’m typically on every day and doing replies every couple of days. It might lessen in the fall months but right now, I’m VERY free!

IC Overview

name — Sirius Orion Black age — 26 | 3 November 1959 gender — Cis-male sexuality — If asked, Sirius would say he doesn’t like labels. He’s fluid - people know that. He sleeps around with many genders, but doesn’t really make an announcement about it. He also doesn’t work for it. If someone wants to have sex with him, he’s likely pretty open to it. But he also isn’t going to put in much effort to make it happen. He’s not a relationship-type of bloke and, even though there are people out there who think they can “change him,” no one has been able to yet. In more modern terms, he’s likely pansexual, aromantic (on the spectrum of little romantic attraction over no romantic attraction). But he wouldn’t know that, nor does he really care to know it. Sex is sex. That’s all.

patronus — Sirius has always struggled with producing a corporeal patronus. Perhaps it was the necessity of focusing on one good thing that made the spell work - or maybe it’s just that Sirius isn’t as good with the abstract stuff as he likes to think. During the moments where it did work during the war, it was a large black dog, unsurprising to anyone who knew of his animagus form. He liked to smirk at James - or perhaps Remus or Peter, if they were around - whenever it popped from his wand. After the war, however, there wasn’t much use for the spell. The last time he performed it had been during his extracurricular project with Dumbledore… and he was surprised at what he saw. No longer the dog moving swiftly, brightly from his wand… but, instead, a brilliant form of a stag, large hooves and antlers that once matched James’ patronus. However, when the stag turned towards him, showing the familiar markings around its eyes, Sirius realized… it wasn’t just James’ old patronus, but rather Prongs himself. It had taken his breath away for a moment, causing a near-fatal distraction that needed Dumbledore’s help to escape.

boggart — Sirius’ boggart is a silver mask, but not for the reasons one might expect. He is less afraid of being a follower of Voldemort than he is about what that would mean about him. It would mean he conformed to what his family wanted - and conformity is Sirius’ biggest fear… or, at least, that’s what he’d tell someone. In reality, especially with another looming war, he is likely more afraid of Harry ending up like his father - or dead. But, in the moment, conformity would be Sirius’ biggest fear.

IC In Depth

personality traits —

[+] Loyal - There’s a reason Sirius’ animagus form is a dog - he is loyal to those he cares about. In the past, this was in relationship to the Marauders, particularly James more than anyone, but has changed as the years have gone by and things shifted. He is now mostly loyal to Harry - and, by extension, Lily. The problem with Sirius’ loyalty is that it can be very dark. Peter is out - and that’s forever. There is no coming back with Sirius once he views something as a betrayal and that includes someone he used to love.

[+] Intelligent - It’s not something easily identifiable by just looking at him, but Sirius is smart. In the books, he was one of the only people ever to escape Azkaban. In school, he hardly had to study and managed to keep up good grades and make his way through Hogwarts without trying. He’s careless in this intelligence sometimes, assuming he just knows without really thinking much about it. His “smarts” do well in both books and streets - he knows how to navigate life at the bar where he works and that different sort of nightlife. He’s a good dueller, able to use intuition to anticipate the moves of his opponent. The intelligence he does have helped to design the Marauders Map, become an animagus, and find and destroy the Horcruxes with Dumbledore.

[+] Open-Minded - Not the best word for this with Sirius, who can be incredibly stubborn and unwilling to change, but there is a reason he didn’t chuck out a werewolf as a friend, despite the teachings by his family. While Sirius himself is rather indifferent to these sorts of things, he does listen - and maybe, in part, this was due to James - and try to be better. Once, as a child, he thought muggleborns were scum… then he grew up, met more open-minded people, and followed their lead. He tries and that’s more than some others.

[+/-] Highly Emotional - Sirius is impulsive and uses emotions to make decisions before he thinks it through. This is what led him to trying to kill Peter the night James almost died - this is what leads him into at least half the arguments he has. He didn’t think through the “Prank” with Remus and Snape… just did it… because he thought it would be funny. That being said - this isn’t always a bad thing. He feels big and that means happiness, too. He can make Harry laugh more than anyone because he loves to joke around and play with him. He’s protective and those emotions come into play whenever someone is trying to mess with his family. It can just sometimes be hard for someone to truly know what they might be getting with him, as he can often flip from one emotion to the next rather quickly.

[-] Jealous/Distrustful - Sirius doesn’t accept change very easily when it comes to his outside world, particularly friendships. He wasn’t very keen on Lily in the beginning of her relationship with James because of his fear that she would “take his best friend away.” It made him mean - even aggressive - towards her, until James put a stop to it. When he finally realized that Lily could be in love with his best friend and he could still have his friendship, he cooled down and was more willing to bring her into his life. It wasn’t until the war that she truly became part of his family and that’s stuck with him since then, especially more so since James didn’t wake up. He’s now more likely to side-eye others she brings around, suspicious of them and their intentions, particularly if it is a man he’s worried about trying to hit on her. He doesn’t trust easily but, once a person has earned it, it’s much easier for him to open up.

[-] Resentful/Vindictive - Sirius Black knows how to hold a grudge. Once someone is dead to him, they are dead to him. He has made it a point that he will kill Peter Pettigrew one day and that has not gone away. Even though there’s part of him glad that he never got the chance five years ago (despite his best effort), he hasn’t given up hope. It’s not just good enough for Peter to die… he wants to be the one to do it. There’s also the grudge with Remus. While this one is to much a lesser extent, he’s angry that Remus hasn’t forgiven him, but has forgiven everyone else. He’s wary of Remus being around Harry because he thinks anyone around his godson should have to be okay with him. This is an argument that often peaks with him and Lily. He’s apologized to Remus - he hates himself for what happened to James - it’s about time Remus just got over it and realized that.

[-] Ruthless - Sirius is willing to do anything to get something done. If it had come to it during war, he wouldn’t have been above torture of a captured Death Eater and definitely killed without blinking an eye. His world is often very black and white - therefore, the good guys were good and the bad guys were bad. He’s willing to do what it takes to make sure he gets revenge for James. He’ll do anything to get the Horcruxes and take down Voldemort. He’ll do whatever he has to in order to protect Harry.

character biography —

Born to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, Sirius Black was the son his parents wanted - or so they originally thought. Cousins, Walburga and Orion married one another only to produce an heir. There was no love within their relationship, just duty - when the first son came, they were almost thrilled. But perhaps Sirius’ mother was just as suspicious as him because she forced her husband into bed again and again for a second child… just in case.

As if turned out, they would need it. Regulus was a docile baby, while Sirius had been finicky. They played well together as they aged and, despite being one another’s deepest confidants, there was clear favoritism from his parents to the younger son. This was rarely violent, but Walburga, particularly, made it clear that she preferred the way Sirius’ brother learned the proper pureblood ways so much more quickly than he did. Orion was rather indifferent to his family in general, preferring the young girls at the underground clubs - sometimes a bit too young for society’s tastes.

Despite many not realizing this, Sirius did try to be the son his parents wanted… at first. He believed what they believed - he did what he was told. But he screwed up often. Questioned things without thinking them through - talked out of turn. Whenever Regulus messed something up, Sirius would try his best to take the fall, ensuring any wrath of his mother stayed on him over his younger brother. As he grew, he began to see more of the world. But it wasn’t until he met James Potter on the train to Hogwarts that he began to change his beliefs. When he talked about the dangers of mudbloods, James set him straight - made sure to keep that word out of Sirius’ mouth. When he questioned the sanity of Muggles, James shrugged and said he thought they weren’t all that bad. It opened his eyes to something new. They were joined by Remus and Peter that year - and, while Sirius loved them, too, he truthfully could care less about expanding the group in the beginning.

The closer he got to his new friends, the farther away he got from the Black family name. He stopped writing home - stopped paying much attention to Regulus. In his young mind, he didn’t realize how detrimental this might be to his brother, but he was wrapped up in this new life. Gryffindor - change - rebellion. It was intoxicating. James became the most important person in Sirius’ life and he clung to his friend with all he had. They pulled pranks as a group, learned about Remus, found a way to help him. The Marauders were born and a map was made and life was good. It didn’t matter that the shadow of his brother donned in Slytherin robes hung over Hogwarts sometimes because Sirius ruled the school. Grimmauld was Regulus’ - Hogwarts was his.

When he decided to tell Severus Snape about the Willow, he hadn’t been thinking. But, really, nothing happened! Remus was being rather dramatic, in Sirius’ opinion! It was just a prank! Why couldn’t anyone else see that? They were mad at him for a while - probably some of the darkest times in Sirius’ life at school, the inability to be with friends - but they came around and it was restored. Things were good - things were right.

Then the war came and it was like the Marauders were thrust into adulthood with Sirius clinging to the life they had. The Order made sense for all of them - they were built for a revolution. But it wasn’t as much of an adventure as they assumed it would be. People died every day - battles were brutal. But Sirius still took it less seriously than he should’ve. He revelled in the fight, laughing alongside his best mate as they shot curses at those fucking cult-followers. He cracked jokes about Voldemort’s dick being so small he had to make an army to try and make up for it. He smiled with blood running down his face into his lips, tasting the iron. He was fearless - and reckless. War wasn’t a game, but Sirius treated it as one.

And it made some people angry. Perhaps that was why Remus suspected him for the spy - or maybe it was lingering distrust over the Willow. Sirius couldn’t help his old prejudices coming up as war grew into their veins, swimming through their blood. A werewolf. Remus had always been able to hold secrets… perhaps this was one of them.

When James was targeted - well, young Harry, but James - Sirius didn’t hesitate to name Remus the spy. James may not have been able to see it… but Peter, Sirius said. We’ll use Peter! No one will suspect! And perhaps that judgement was his worst mistake of all. For Peter was the spy. Peter would come to betray them. And when Voldemort died, there wasn’t much time for celebration because less than a week later, James was found on the ground of Godric’s Hollow, unable to wake up.

Sirius knew who was at fault -it was him! He did this! His own idea! - and that person would pay. It was so much easier to react with vengeance than feel his own guilt. So much easier to want to kill his old friend than cry over his own mistakes. James was as good as dead - and Peter would die, too. Sirius knew the officials would arrest him for the murder - that he would spend his life in Azkaban - but he didn’t care. He searched for Peter the night of James’ torture with the attempt to kill him. But Peter was a rat - and there were thousands of them in London. Whether Peter was using his animagus form or not, Sirius had been unable to track him down before getting apprehended by Aurors. He stayed two days in a holding cell, grieving the near-loss of his true brother - until Lily was able to prove that the secret keeper had never been Sirius, after all.

Since that day, he vowed to do what James would’ve wanted him to do - he looked after Harry and Lily. He became the godfather he was supposed to have been. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t stop thinking about the murder he tried committing that night. If Peter were to ever resurface, Sirius would be ready. It was a good thing that he had the locket - that he had Dumbledore and the Horcruxes. It was something to keep his mind occupied. If he couldn’t kill Peter, then he could at least work on killing Voldemort, who started this entire war in the first place.

Those months after James, he spent his days with Harry and Lily and his nights searching for the Horcruxes. He would wind up back at Lily’s place in the middle of the night and crash on her couch. Eventually, he officially moved in, getting a job at a pub located right between Diagon Alley and Knockturn - causing many different types to enter into the place. These days, he still splits his time - almost like he has two lives; one where he helps raise Harry, the other in an underground nightlife world of darker wix and Horcruxes. He hasn’t forgotten his friend - James is at the forefront of everything Sirius does - or his promise to avenge him. But stopping a potential war and making sure Harry has everything he needs is just as important. Sirius has grown more responsible in the past five years, but he still holds on to much of the person he once was. There’s a chance he’ll end up doing something reckless again - something he can’t take back.

plot ideas —

ONE. I think exploring the interpersonal relationships will be the most interesting thing in this rp. This isn’t a huge action rp (as of yet) and so the quieter moments within relationships is what I’m eager to do. What will it be like trying to co-parent with Lily, when Sirius isn’t even really the parent? I think they likely butt heads and argue from time to time, while also relying heavily on one another. It’s probably in the realm of unhealthy at times, given Sirius lives with them and has devoted his new life to them. Sirius is still very much about James. So, if Lily were to try and move on with someone new, this would be very likely to anger him, even though she deserves a life with love. Then there’s Remus to think about - Remus blames Sirius, but Sirius also blames himself. He just doesn’t think Remus should hold that grudge, while forgiving others in his life. They both thought one another was the spy, after all. I also think it’ll be fun to see how Sirius and Fabian play out together as friends, particularly since they both lost a brother. I’m also looking forward to exploring relationships not within the connections and learning about these characters within this world.

TWO. James wakes up. I see you included “James Potter” as a potential plot drop release – I’m assuming this might mean he wakes up. If that’s the case, I don’t think it’ll be as easy as it would seem for Sirius. He would be glad his friend is back, of course. But it’s also complicated. Harry is only six years old - and lived a whole life without his dad. James would be this “mystery guy he’s heard about” and likely not about to jump into his dad’s arms. I don’t think Sirius would make him, either, which might be frustrating for both Sirius and James. It would complicate their relationship a lot - Harry is his kid now, after all.

THREE. Horcruxes. I think it’ll be important to bring other characters into this, especially since it’s doubtful there will ever be a Dumbledore. I’d like Sirius to be given tasks to ask others for help - and do these missions without Dumbledore present. He’s had to learn more responsibility in the past 5 years, but Sirius was never the leader (that was James), so it would be interesting for him to have to take on a leadership role.

FOUR. Fuckbuddies! I’m not really here for shipping, especially with a character like Sirius, but I think he probably has a few people he’s slept with a couple times. I’m honestly up for anyone for this, but I don’t think just anyone could end up in a romantic relationship with him. First off, he’s aromatic and it’s really hard for him to have a romantic connection. It would take time and a lot of chemistry to ever break Sirius past just sex with someone. But give me fuckbuddies all the way.

FIVE. Sirius may be more responsible than 5 years ago, but that doesn’t mean everything about him has changed. While he’s a good parent to Harry and around very often - his schedule is extremely flexible - that doesn’t always mean he knows what he’s doing. He’s likely to give in rather quickly if Harry were whining and is easily frustrated. While he has good influences around like Molly or Lily, he doesn’t always listen to what they have to say (look at him in OOTP!) and just does what he wants. I’d like to explore how his more passive parenting style might affect Harry and the people around him.

#al:accepted #sirius black

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diveronarpg · 5 years ago

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Congratulations, BREE! You’ve been accepted for the role of BIANCA. Admin Rosey: I think the first thing that came to mind was how powerfully you captured Bunny's voice, Bree. You. Absolutely. Killed it. Your plot points built upon one after the other which shows how you plan to lay the foundation for her and force her to grow, no matter how much she kicks up her heels about it. It can be difficult trying to force a character like Bunny to grow without taking away from what makes her so intriguing and fun, but wow. Am I so very glad to have her added to the ranks, ready to bring us chaos and absolute ruin. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Bree.

Age | Twenty.

Preferred Pronouns | She/her.

Activity Level | I’m studying engineering and running collegiately, so the short answer is that I’m not entirely sure. The long answer is that my activity will ebb and flow depending on my schedule; some weeks are easier than others. But I’ll do my damnedest to be around, even if that means firing off ugly-formatted replies on mobile (or having Rosey or Kiersten format them for me… we’ve done it before).

Timezone | CST.

How did you find the rp? | English class my senior year of high school, with the help of Rosey (no, seriously). I’ve been watching from afar, and I couldn’t stay away.

Current/Past RP Accounts | here, here, and here

In Character

Character | Bianca; Bernadette “Bunny” Dupont

What drew you to this character? | Well… originally, I wrote her. But since that sounds like a cop-out and I can never pass up the opportunity to wax poetic about one of my literary children, I’ll bite. ;)

She’s a piece of work. No, not that kind of work, not artwork—given her art forging expertise, that would be a cliché, and neither I nor Bunny are particularly fond of those. I mean that she’s single-handedly both the easiest and the most difficult character I’ve ever written and, I might argue, will ever write. Self-absorbed and yet oddly self-aware, vulgar in the delicate way only someone with a face like hers could be, and so tenderly cruel it’s endearing—she’s awful, but writing her has never been an inkling as heavy as writing equally diabolical characters has been in the past. She’s somehow able to be a light-hearted character in an environment where that sort of label tends to be reserved for characters like Maeve, all flower petals and naivete and ripe for the slaughter—without encompassing any of that. I don’t know, maybe it’s her youthful appearance, maybe it’s her love of candy and strawberries and her tendency to act so much like a child, or maybe it’s that careful balance between what she appears to be, what she’d like to be, and who she is, but she manages to check off some boxes that appear at first glance to be mutually exclusive. She lacks any concrete ambition outside of being revered, yet she possesses the potential to climb, to do some terrible things, because of that unfocused ambition. Her selfishness makes her a target for manipulation while being an avid manipulator herself. Her priorities are bottoms-up and she’s hardly got what most would call a good head on her shoulders, but damn if she isn’t a coquettish kind of cunning.

I thought I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but I’m having trouble finding where to end. The point is, I love this little brat.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

Piss off, Picasso: It’s only fitting, I suppose, that a little girl so proficient at mocking her sister (and her friends) behind her doting parents’ backs should grow up and learn to put that art of imitation to good, more mature use in the mob. She’s got it all going for her, really; wealthy upbringing, an eye for detail, and a shameless disregard for plucking coins from the purses of others to feed her own greed—what could go wrong? Plenty. And while I’d definitely like to explore the aftermath of what might happen if she got sloppy and was found out, she’s got her fair share of trouble on her plate right now with her—er, bad publicity. So first, I’d like to see her do well. I’d like to see her get overconfident, make connections, be successful. Once she’s finished throwing her little tantrum about my next plot idea, she’ll probably be inclined to hone her skills, sell a few more paintings to get out of the hole she stumbled into. After all, respect isn’t earned in Bunny’s world; it’s bought.

Paparazzi: It’s not what it looks like. Come on, he isn’t even that cute. Bunny’s moment of weakness, if it can be called that, presents obvious potential for her to either pull herself up by the bootstraps (imagine) or dig herself even farther. This might be the first time she’s gotten into any real trouble, especially the kind that Daddy Dupont couldn’t fix, and she’s not going to handle it well. But her knee-jerk reaction should make for good comedy and some even better plots. How far will she go to prove that she’s still just as loyal to the Capulets as she’s always been (which is to say, not particularly?)? What other mistakes can she make? It’s time to get her pretty little hands dirty, I think. She’s too proud to ask her sister for help, but all bets are off when it comes to Cyrus. Hell, maybe even her connection to Boris can come into play here (counterproductive, probably).

This Is What Makes Us Girls: The relationship Bunny has with Maeve and Juliana is one of my favorite parts about her, because it’s one of the best means for me to flesh out and play with all of the different sides of Bunny. They’re a pretty integral part to the image she keeps up—both that of a dignified daughter and a girl still steeped in candy-lacquered youth, and it’s for that reason that her secret dislike/jealousy of them both is so… telling? Bunny’s conceited, sure, but she is—at her core—insecure. And insecure people—insecure teenage girls, although she’s aged out of that territory—do pretty terrible things. I want to explore the dynamic within this friend group. I want to see her sabotage something important to Juliana. I want to see her have Maeve do her bidding, see her put her friends in harm’s way. Betrayal doesn’t always call for bloodshed; sometimes cutting deep doesn’t call for a knife.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Eh… as much as I’d love to give the usual “yes, give me all the angst,” I’m not really sure that Bunny is the type of character whose death will serve a purpose/further the plot, to be honest. Only the good die young, and she’s anything but.

If at any point the plot calls for it, we can talk about it, but I don’t foresee her developing in such a way that I’d suggest it.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona? |

That’s a stupid question, she thinks, smoothing out the hem of her skirt and settling contentedly into the plush armchair, half-business and half-play. It’s a copout, almost—the daytime equivalent of asking someone’s favorite color in truth or dare. It’s a wasted turn, a missed opportunity. If she wanted to write love letters to the streets of Verona, she’d pick up the noble art of journaling.

In any case, the answer was most certainly a harrowing tie between her clawfoot bathtub and the half of her king-sized bed farthest from the window—but that sounded so infantile even she might’ve quirked an eyebrow at such a response. This, she realizes, is what it’s like to grow older: to make terrible small talk over lukewarm tea and lie in more dignified ways than she had in her youth.

(She’s twenty-one years, two months, and three days old. This is middle age. This is melodrama.)

“There’s a little candy shop a few blocks from the foot of the Castelvecchio. Their chocolate-covered strawberries are to die for.”

What does your typical day look like?

She likes this one—likes the way it sounds like a question straight out of the magazines she reads in her near-infinite free time, all gloss and understated glamour. In fact, she’s spent a perhaps embarrassing amount of time crafting responses to such a question in the event that she were ever asked, and although this isn’t exactly the avenue she’d had in mind, it’ll do.

Let it never be said that Bunny Dupont cannot compromise.

“I like to wake before the sun,” she lies elegantly, matter-of-factly, knowing damn well that just this morning she’d slumbered until noon but eager to portray the image of a young woman with her shit thoroughly together. The corners of her pink lips turn up in a smile, as if the very thought of a sunrise sways her to cliché thoughts of new beginnings and second chances, of the kinds of phrases befitting the tacky dollar-store decorations Maeve collects like an old man does stamps. How very carpe diem of her.

“I wash my face, have a cup of tea, and try to get a bit of reading done.” When she puts it that way, it sounds quite a bit more like a sophisticated heiress devouring novels in the early morning light than the slightly-less-respectable-but-nonetheless-true alternative of a troublemaker surveying last night’s damage, pastries piled with whipped cream within arm’s reach.

“I like to meet my friends for brunch. Juliana and I are regulars at The Phoenix and the Turtle,” she says delicately, deliberate with her inclusion of the Capulet girl’s name and her exclusion of any others. “I’ll paint a bit in the afternoons…” The little blonde trails off, green eyes darting about as if calling the remainder of her routine to mind. The truth is that she’s already grown bored, and perhaps that’s her own fault; it can get exhausting, pretending to be responsible, truly exhausting—but playing pretend is too fun. “And home for dinner, always.”

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

She twirls a strand of cotton-blonde hair around her finger, a coy display of sheepishness befitting a schoolgirl. What was her biggest mistake? The question demands a certain sort of humility, a level of introspection and honesty she’s never had the need to stoop to in all her years as the Dupont family darling, and if she were a tad less shameless it might even be a little—what’s the word?—unnerving. There was a reason she’d been dutiful enough to go to church on Sundays with her father but had avoided the confessional like her mother avoided carbs, and that reason had nothing to do—okay, fine, but only a little— to do with an aversion to being on her knees.

But she’s nothing if not an opportunist, a performer, and she treads the line between timid and cruel when she remarks, “I held a Montague boy’s hand once. Went home and went through two bars of soap.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

“Firing a gun,” Bunny admits, leaning in as if to let the intern in on a secret, “It’s harder than I expected. “Pulling the trigger, I mean. Takes a bit more pressure than they show you in the movies.” Leave it to her to turn such a grim discussion to something a bit less uncomfortable, a bit more palatable. Leave it to her to dodge the—well, difficult—questions. When have you failed? When have you struggled? How have you grown?

In two words: she hasn’t. (In another two: not yet.)

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

Lingering in the air like her favorite perfume was a rule oft-spoken and waiting to be broken: no politics, it’s simply not lady-like. Her father’s banks backed the Capulets, and where the money went, the Duponts surely followed. For all her selfishness and disdain for anything which drew the attention away from her and her needs, Bunny Dupont understood the necessity of these things—of petty grudges and not-so-petty crimes—for people like them. Wars, even wars like these, needed money: a lot of it.

“I don’t feel I know enough to say much about it,” she says carefully, the gleam in her green eyes looking more like a trick of the light and less like a clue. “I only wish there weren’t so much blood.”

Why? It left a nasty stain.

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

Headcanons:

When she was little, she wanted to be an actress or an only child: the former, she told her parents, and the latter, she told her sister.

Her hard liquor of choice is vodka, the flavored kind—the sweeter, the better. She’s mastered the art of taking shots of it with a straight face after many years of practice.

Strawberries are her favorite. Chocolate-covered, in champagne—you name it.

In high school, she got her kicks by scaring off boys who approached her to get a leg-up on wooing Juliana. So many potential suitors shot down, convinced that Cosimo would have them shipped off to some foreign land without their heads or their manhood.

Once, she promised Maeve she’d get her crush to ask her on a date. She was only half a virgin after that. He never called Maeve.

She’s a Gemini (May 30th).

#accepted: bianca #accepted

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nintxndos · 6 years ago

Text

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

#mine #ask meme #meme #ask #ns/fw

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jackednephi · 6 years ago

Note

Hello! Apologies for sending in an ask so late. I just wanted to reach out because I'm not in such a great place right now. I was wondering, if you found out about your being queer at a fairly young age, how you managed to stay in the closet?? (And, you know, remaining alright, mentally) my parents are extremely homophobic, and it's tearing me apart, especially because I really care about them. Any advice would be great, even if it's not much. Best of luck in everything, and thank you so much ♥️

so tumblr doesn’t always let me know when i have messages >(

that said, i’ll do my best to respond but like it’s going to be long and convoluted so imma include a cut to save dash space. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND i am polyamorous, agender/trans, pansexual, and demiromantic. so like there are various facets of my queerness and they all played into my life differently

feel free to skip close to the end for like “how to stealth” if you don’t have the spoons for like a 20 page autobiography with annotated bibliography

so finding out about being queer is a question that has both a yes and a no answer. it’s more like i was experiencing queerness but didn’t have words for it, then repressed it, then dealt with it. so it’s less “i knew ever since i could form words to describe it” and more my journey was in no way linear

see when i was little, like really little yknow when you start getting your first crushes right around prek and stuff, i had all kinds of crushes. i had crushes on multiple people at once and this has continued straight into adulthood. so, like, sign one of being poly. my friends would have one person they would hardcore crush on whereas i was crushing on people around me, characters in fiction, just like so many people. i remember listing crushes in my journals every now and then and i’d have lists of upwards and over like 20. :/ so i am in no way surprised i’m poly

so far as my sexuality, i didn’t realize i was feeling for certain female friends what i was feeling for boys. partly because i’d be like “oh i want to hold his hand” and because i saw m/f couples holding hands all the time i was like ah! yes! obviously romantic! but i never saw any f/f relationships so i didn’t make the connection that the hand holding wasn’t a friend feeling. i had INTENSE crushes on girls too, just as intense as on boys. but i was used to the media portraying rival nonsense like hannah montana and whatnot so i was like “oh. this is my situation”

there was also a lot of repressing going on because i just didn’t see that reflected around me from media to adults. all i saw were m/f relationships. i knew gay people existed but i thought they were all gay men. when i was somewhere around like 10 or so, give or take, i realized i was crushing on my best friend at the time (a girl) and was like “no. absolutely not” shoved that as far back as possible and ignored it

my demiromanticism is more born of trauma than me being born that way and that’s ok. one of my close friends found out about one of my crushes in the second grade and i was RELENTLESSLY bullied for it. every time i got a crush on somebody, i would end up HARDCORE bullied or they would get weird and things would be awful. i also had boys shove their crushes onto me and not take no for an answer. like i’d have my bra snapped painfully, bugs shoved down my shirt, my stuff vandalized, hair pulled just because i wasn’t interested

like when i was 12, somebody started a rumor that i was pregnant :/ and that’s not even covering my abusive ex or the sexual assaults so like everything kind of came together for that

then there’s my gender. which is its own bucket of worms and kind of played in with my sexuality in certain ways

my parents are boomers, born in 50 and 58. “but vann,” you say, confused “you were born at the end of 94″ and you are correct! i inherited pcos from my mother so i’ll let you put 2 and 3 together as to why i was born in 94 and my brother in 96. i say that because, unlike their peers, they raised my brothers and i radically different from the accepted cultural norms

if i wanted to wear baggy shorts, that was cool. pretty dresses? whatever. same (kind of) went for my brothers. if they wanted to spend a lot of time on their appearance, that was fine and not shamed at all. in fact, it was encouraged because it made them feel good. i played with army men, barbie dolls, cars, a train set, tools, swords, sports stuff, had tea parties with stuffed animals, drew and crafted, etc etc. my younger brother played house with me (and often suggested it himself) and would play with my baby dolls. like had my younger brother wanted a doll, they would’ve gotten it for him. but i had them so he didn’t bother asking for one cause he could borrow mine

so like there was no gender segregation of toys or activities. and that sounds kind of like the bare minimum of parenting but you have to remember that both of my parents grew up in the rural south as boomers. gender roles were violently enforced for them. but they didn’t think about enforcing them for us so far as play and, to a certain extent, dress/grooming was concerned. this created a safe environment for us to be our true selves

so for a very long time, i was comfy saying i was a girl. i played basketball after school and then afterwards would find my prettiest dress and watch scooby doo. gender expression was fast and loose in my house

i contribute that a lot to the fact that my father was too disabled to work. even before then, he had been a nurse and a damn good one. my father has ALWAYS been the go to for when we were sick, injured, etc. my mother had this disconnect with how much concern to show. it was either too much or not enough and was pretty much never helpful. even after retiring, when my nephews came around he was the go to caretaker for them. even now at 70, he frequently goes back to where the children are during family gatherings and keeps watch. much like a mother hen

so he stayed home and did the cleaning and other “wifely” duties. not cooking though because his brain just cannot. my mother worked as a high school teacher so typical roles were entirely reversed. when i was tiny and wanted nothing more than to be a parent? you go, sweetie! when i was older and wanted to be a scientist? achieve your dreams, kiddo! like they were very supportive of my goals no matter what they were

so i just??? didn’t realize????? until i hit puberty somewhere around 9

talk about body dysphoria. i went from looking like my brother and every other kid my age to wow ok there’s hair now??? and my face is all weird???? and oh no why does my tummy feel funny?????????? (sexual arousal was a TRIP to discover as a third grader that i would not wish on any child ever) oh my god WHAT IS ON MY CHEST!? and grown men are hitting on me now??? oh no i’m in fourth grade and bleeding!?

it was not a fun time by a long shot. i started wearing the baggiest tshirts i could possibly find. anything to hide my freakish body, really. so many hoodies. i would swing wildly between hyper feminine expression with tight clothes and heels and hiding everything as much as possible. part of me was smug about being ahead of my peers, for adults to be treating me as more than a kid. but a LOT of me felt like a freak

maturing (mentally) into an adult was a wild experience. i was 13 and looked like i was 21 except for my face. i did everything possible to find comfort with myself from goth/emo expression ro masculine stuff people threw “dyke” at me for and then finally, weaponized femininity. tight tops, tight pants, shortest skirts i could get away with, eyeliner so sharp it could cut god, heels as often as i could including uniform days, perfect hair. i made myself look like a hot, unapproachable goddess

finally, people were too intimidated to approach me and comment on my appearance. i wore makeup like a mask and people who had known me for YEARS were surprised to find out just how big my chest really was. but i walked with murder in my eyes and i was finally treated the same was i was before puberty - completely unapproachable

ALL THAT IN MIND, here’s how i figured my shit out

i was on facebook seeing “gay, straight, black or white, marriage is a civil right” and being typically “it’s a sacred ordinance shyaddap” about it. i ended up on tumblr about idk 15 or so? note, i’d already discovered porn by this time so i was aware that lesbians existed. like just to throw that out there that i wasn’t like totally in the dark when i made my tumblr account. i did it for school to blog about shakespeare for an english assignment. and that’s when my world expanded

bisexual? wow ok! that was a thing! and oh. oh no

there were pretty girls

and pretty boys and pretty people whose gender i had no idea. cosplayers cosplaying as the opposite gender, trans people, and a whole rainbow of people i was suddenly finding attractive. and i had a HARDCORE identity crisis

i liked girls? but was it the same as boys? was i bisexual? that didn’t seem to fit. there was more than two genders right? and trans people existed? bi? was i bi? bi?

bi. probably

but it didn’t feel comfortable like at all. but i discovered a fanfic writer who talked about being pansexual and i looked it up and everything just clicked?? into place????

not to be overdramatic or anything but it was like the stars finally aligned. it felt SO good! so many genders! and it meant all and aliens are a thing, right? who was i to say no to the possibility? but, more than anything, it felt comfortable. like a hug from my grandma. like home

i wanted to scream from the rooftops that i’d figured it out! i found myself! pansexual! I WAS PANSEXUAL! THAT WAS ME! HOME!

and then the reality of living in our society crashed down on me. i continued to talk about the guys i liked around my family but never EVER the girls. i hid my relationship with the person who eventually became my wife. to be fair, i’d hidden all my relationships prior cause i was an IDIOT and had been dating before 16. so that wasn’t hard. but what was was the breakup

previously, i’d been like “you remember that guy i like? he’s a jerk” or some other excuse to cry to my mother. but i couldn’t about cake. so i cried to my bff/twin/sister like i had everything else and moved on. and i just kind of shut up about it to everybody except those closest to me

except that hurt. here i was knowing i was queer and happy about it but people were being homophobic. i don’t know how often i cried myself to sleep after hearing about “those dirty f*gs” cause of the marriage thing. i ended up quietly coming out to my favorite teacher and she dismissed it as trauma response to my then recent sexual assault. she had seemed safe but that was her reaction so i shut up about it

up until, ironically, coming out day october 2011 just before turning 17 that next month. my mother and i were at chilis, she was being homophobic, and i screamed for the whole restaurant to hear that i was queer and the whole base found out. hard to stay closeted after that

i was pretty much out until college when i started going to church in a new place. i just didn’t talk about my sexuality. ever. period. and it was “easy” because i was dating guys. and pretty sure i was a cis woman. so i was stealth passing. and that was ok with me because i was out on campus, vocally and unapologetically

in high school, i dated a trans guy. he introduced me like in a personal way to transness, to binding. i knew i wasn’t a man but it intrigued me. and in college where nobody knew me, nobody knew me as femme fatale black widow i had a chance to explore my gender. i discovered that loose tshirts made me feel really good. as did other comfy things like shorts and sweats. sometimes i wanted to look fancy or felt like wearing a dress. really, i kind of reverted back to who i was in childhood

i felt weird when i heard my birth name. i’d gone by a nickname for so long, i just chopped off the y (vanny) to vann so it sounded more adult. it felt good. so i identified, tentatively, as nonbinary. it was around this time the trans dude i dated and i fell out with each other because he thought me playing around with my gender was like mocking his transness. or something. idk dude was toxic trash

so i wasn’t male or female then? nah that didn’t feel right. i wasn’t some third androgynous gender. but sometimes binding and passing as a man felt good and sometimes passing as a woman felt good. genderfluid then? was i a man who liked to wear dresses? no. didn’t feel right. made me uncomfortable

eventually, things clicked for me with agender the way they had with pansexual the fall of my third year of undergrad. stars aligned, the universe smiled upon me, and i was THRILLED. like gender euphoria is REAL and never before had i felt so comfortable in my own skin. i remember literally weeping with joy. like i’d been going with they/them/their for a couple years at that point

i came out to my parents about that one pretty shortly after realizing it because i was OVERJOYED. they’d been working on calling me vann for awhile at that point and the pronouns. i’ve since learned that so long as soebody has my name, 90% of the time i legit do not care what pronouns somebody uses. im aware that people perceive me differently and it’s fine. i mean neutral pronouns fill me with euphoria but like it’s fine. so long as somebody doesn’t mistake me for cis

my parents are like so great about it now. they correct people who deadname me (except my grandma cause she’s like 85 and i gave her permission years ago) and my mother straight cut contact with family members who refuse to respect me. except my brothers but like she makes it clear whenever they’re going to be awful that she WILL NOT tolerate it. like they don’t dare trash me in front of our father. he’s old now but he will backhand one of my brothers for that and they know it. so they try it with our mom and she’s like “try it again and you won’t hear from me until you apologize for trashing your sister”

i realized i was poly when cake came back into my life. that was a serious mess involving their abusive ex girlfriend but we clicked and it ended up working so yknow. that was my easiest coming out actually. my parents were like “yknow, you always seemed to love people when you were a kid. and you had SO many crushes. makes sense” which was awesome. it was the most difficult emotionally but the easiest because i’d already come out twice before so it was whatever

the demi thing was discovered in therapy. and like it doesn’t have much in the way of impact like the other things do. so i never really came out about that? there wasn’t really a point? like i talk about it when it comes up but it’s just whatever. i honestly have no idea if i ever told my family?????

WITH THAT NONSENSE IN MIND, HERE’S HOW TO STEALTH AND BE OK MENTALLY

you said homophobic so im gonna assume you’re not straight. no idea about gender and, honestly, so far as gender goes i’ve seen it’s safer to lean into masculinity than it is femininity. so if you’re amab, i don’t really have tips or tricks for that as i’m afab. with being afab, lean into the tomboy aesthetic so you seem acceptably (safely) your assigned gender. i recommend fun lipstick and nail polish colors. sparkly nails did wonders for me honestly

but for like not straightness. that’s a tightrope that is but a gossamer thread to balance. like there are ways to stealth gender expression and feel affirmed but queerness is a different animal or it was for me

so i had AT LEAST one space in my life where i was 100%, unapologetically, loudly out. like i’m here, i’m queer and flying my rainbow flag and not at all sorry about it OUT. for awhile, it was just my very closest friends in the whole world. then it was tumblr. then i made a facebook for people irl i could trust. 0 family and 0 people who couldn’t be chill about it

like having a carved space for you to just be the authentic you, whatever that is. for me, that’s all this queer mess, the polycule that is my family, my faith, my absolutely foul mouth, my mental illnesses, my love of good coffee or a glass of wine every now and then as a rare treat, the good and the bad the ugly and the uncategorizable all together. the struggle with the word of wisdom AND the love of my spouses. all of that

it’s affirming to have this space where you’re yourself and people accept you for who you are rather than what gets your engine revving. but you’ve also got to try and stealth that into wherever you can. you want a dyke spike? go for it and say it’s a pixie cut. plaids are in right now which is a lowkey signal to other queers you’re a queer too no matter your gender. just depends on what shoe you pair it with and other queers will take notice while non queers will just think you’re trendy

it was also fun for me to get that pan flag aesthetic wherever i could. like blue/pink galaxy type eyeshadow that wasn’t too peacock flashy so it looked Hot without being Obvious and a pink lipstick and yellow nails. like it was subtle but i knew what was going on and it felt good. i did the same with rainbows but i had more to work with there. like i’d have an inconspicuous notebook where i’d paint/paste a rainbow on the inside cover so that it was Normal from the outside and BAM! GAY! on the inside. did that with highlighting my notes too

i just kind of stuck it everywhere i could possibly get away with. people were excited to see me go from emo to bring colors becuase “oh wow! you’re finally not sad!” lol no i’m just stealth queer over here

i also wrote SO MUCH queer fanfiction. i didn’t publish any of it just in case but i have notebooks full of stuff. i also rped with people as a way to live vicariously through characters. i also READ a lot of queer fanfiction actually. i saved all kinds of fanart and photo manipulations of certain pairings together. like i couldn’t be out so i could have fiction where others were

i also poured myself into hobbies. i fenced, did karate, learned japanese, participated in drama club, played in a band, took piano lessons, taught myself to draw, journaled, learned to cook, read amazing books, played video games, learned to sing. like i’m sure there are other things i’m forgetting? basically, if it was EVER covered in a young women’s activity pretty much anywhere in the world, i learned at least those basic skills. like i can embroider now even

so like that’s how i stealthed and stayed sane. i was also in therapy where i was out to whatever therapist i was seeing at the time which ABSOLUTELY helped. i also made like queer playlists i would listen to. like same love, i kissed a girl, born this way, etc that i would listen to when i needed to just sink into it. music in general is super cathartic and i’ve gotta say green day, acdc, evanescence, bon jovi, etc got me through some tough shit

i also yelled at god. i yelled at god a LOT actually. like i know we get told “pray for comfort” but sometimes you need to bawl your eyes out and just SCREAM at the almighty. dude can take it. he’s god after all. he can handle our anger. it isn’t disrespectful. like if you ever do cross a line, he’ll let you know. like your thoughts will hard stop. you’ll know

but empty your lungs screaming in pain. let him know it isn’t fair, you’re not happy. beg for relief from the nightmares you’re living. demand to know if or when it’ll ever get better. burn yourself out yelling and crying and fall asleep drenched in tears. then wake up the next day and live your life and you know what?

you’ll feel better. maybe not a lot sometimes and maybe everything is cool for once in forever. but it definitely helped me a lot. like dude listens and you WILL feel better even if the things around you dont get better. you get some strength to get through and be ok and it’s super helpful

but that’s what i got. also bear in mind that i came out to thousands of people by yelling at my mother in a restaurant when all the ships were in because everybody in said restaurant texted everybody they knew and my texts were flooded in like an hour of “DON’T TELL ME YOU CAME OUT TO YOUR MOM LIKE THAT OMG” and “you’re queer!?” so like

i’m not the best when it comes to stealth queering so take my advice with a grain of salt

#long post #like reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyy long post #i cannot overemphasize how long this post is #advice #i tried :/#Anonymous #anon #vannswers

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awkward-and-fluffy · 6 years ago

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Important little post for those who are still following me and wondering where I’ve gone...

I’ve obviously lost interest in Tumblr over these past couple of years. I’m not that active here anymore and a lot has been going on in my life anyhow.

If anyone wants to keep up with me on social media, I’m on Twitter the most! And I’ve actually gotten myself comfortable with doing Twitch streams as of May 2018. It feels like a great accomplishment for me to overcome most of my public speech fears through that!

Aside from getting into streaming, I managed to finish enough of my website for it to be hosted! I put a lot of money into that, but it’ll last about 2 years. :’D

Sooo...

My Twitter: https://twitter.com/WolfKat777

My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/wolfkat7

My Website: https://wolfkatworks.com/

Sometime soon I’ll be able to complete the HTML/CSS tutorial pages for my website, but it wasn’t possible to get it launched ASAP when those pages take the longest to put together. I’m not sure when I can get them done yet, but I hope it’ll be before Tumblr completely crashes and burns... I need my old tutorials on this blog to reference back to for how I organized everything. There are lots of mistakes to fix and new screenshots to take for better lesson examples, etc.

But yeah, a lot’s been going on. I’ve been trying to search for a new job (with no luck yet), managed to reach Affiliate on Twitch by some miracle, various family issues took place, my dad had to get heart surgery, etc.

Before going to a read more, if you don’t quite want to read a big wall of text or are scared of reading any medical topics (I get that), I’ll provide my thanks and more right here.

It’s been awesome to meet all the people I have on here - mostly through Gravity Falls! Writing and replying to theories was such a freakin blast, no matter how ridiculous things would get at times. Granted, I don’t like Tumblr itself as a social media platform and community if I’m brutally honest... However, I still had a little good come from this regardless of my bitterness from my old account before this one.

To you old mutuals of mine, and some of you old pals, keep being awesome! I hope you’re doing well in life; and if not, I hope for things to improve. Fight a good fight, but be careful in picking those fights. Life’s worth living and all that cliche junk that may or may not have much affect on you as motivating advice.

This all goes to my general base of followers too if any of them come across this post. Thank you guys for following this dumb blog and enjoying and sharing so many of my fun posts for Gravity Falls! The show is still super important to me, and my all time favorite cartoon to exist. Whether you sent asks, replied, reblogged, or simply liked, all of that was awesome in its own way. Having discussions on the series is one of the best memories I’ll have on this most often unbearable website! (I hope that doesn’t sound too insulting or generalizing about this site...)

And thank you for anyone who enjoyed the rest of my content here, and bearing with any personal ramblings I may have had on some bad days.

It’d be cool to come across anyone here again in the near future, but at some other online platform. I’ve provided my active links above, so feel free to find me elsewhere if you want.

Goodbye to you all, and have a great rest of 2019 and beyond!

This new year is also already off to a very... Surreal and terrifying start. In case you haven’t already checked my Twitter from the time of this post to see what I wrote there, I got a severe case of my rapid heartrate and ended up hospitalized rather than stuck in Urgent Care on its own. Just 3 weeks ago, I was in UC from a less severe but still terrifying rapid heart rate that woke me up at 5am and wouldn’t calm the heck down.

I know it seems weird to include this following story for my “farewell, Tumblr” post, but I think it’ll help give some interesting record of closure here. I’ve had personal posts and ramblings on this blog about my cardiac terrors and fears. I don’t recall exactly what I’ve written here, but maybe it’d be interesting for me to search for any of those posts again to kinda look back on those thoughts...

It’s been a few years since I’ve had a bad case of rapid heartrate... In fact, I remember writing about that experience back then here on my blog too. I was put on a heart monitor for only 3 days and yeah. Of course 3 days wasn’t enough to catch anything significant... So my heart issue was still freakin shrouded in mystery and only ever connected to my anxiety/panic disorder.

Welp, I was put on a heart monitor again just last week and I requested for it to last 30 days. Lo and behold, about 8 days later, my most severe case occurred and my monitor recorded a 250bpm max rate... This monitor is linked to cellular wifi thankfully, so the company got alerted of it and called my local UC to take me in and then called the house for my mom to answer and help drive me there. (Some moments before leaving home, my heartrate went back down to the 140′s or so, but still really bad and wouldn’t return to normal.)

In UC, I had to get X-Rays as well, but I have no idea what they found from ‘em? I wasn’t really told what they resulted with... I’ll have to ask sometime.

However, with everything going on and not even medication getting my heartrate back to normal, I was moved into a hospital shortly after my stay in UC. That was my first time ever being in an ambulance.

At the hospital, I got more blood tests done, more EKGs, all that stuff. There was also talk of me needing a uh... An ablation procedure. Then later that night, a cardiologist visited me and explained that I FINALLY got a confirmation on my issue. I’ve waited 10 years for answers on why my heart would be like this... Ugh. I’m relieved, but also frustrated it took that long to figure it out, y’know?

At this point, I didn’t have the name of the condition, but I was feeling more at peace when the cardiologist mentioned this condition isn’t life-threatening and doesn’t increase my risks of heart disease. The most common issue of it is how disruptive it is, and some other symptoms it can induce (dizziness,fatigue, etc.) Gosh, that cleared away so many worries and questions I had throughout these years.

But yeah, it’s something that people are just born with and it causes a faulty circuit or two in the heart giving it weird signals at times. Stuff like that. Those with the condition have a chance to never have symptoms of it, while others start showing symptoms between 11 - 50 years old. Mine started showing when I was 13, so that was... Great.

The only way to most likely treat it, is through an ablation... And that’s where things get really scary. I’ve always had nightmares about needing heart surgery, or my heart getting shot by bullets, etc. Like, that’s how bad I felt from never knowing what’s wrong with my vital organ.

My other option was medication, but it wouldn’t be guaranteed to help by itself. Afterall, I’ve had a few times in UC throughout my life where these meds didn’t help much if at all. They also figured it’d be good to get this procedure done the earlier the better, since it can be much more complicated if I were to have it done at an older age.

-big siiigh- After spending my first night there, yep, I’ve had that done. I don’t want to describe it ‘cause it was a terrifying experience, but I hope it helps in the end. I indeed had a faulty circuit they found, and they uh... Did what had to be done.

After I was sent back to my room, the cadiologist returned and gave me the name of my condition. Of ALL THINGS, it’s “Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome” or “WPW Syndrome” for short. Despite all the straight-up trauma I’ve had, I guess in a way I can kinda thank God for the bit of humor?? (For context, I developed an interest in wolves and werewolves during my teens and loving them about as much as cats...)

I was keeping my closest friends up to date on this through my phone during all this too. I kinda knew what I’d get myself into when revealing the name of my diagnosis to them... But the friendly teasing (such as “wow, so you DO have a wolf’s heart!”) cheered me up. I’m just really thankful for my friends for keeping me company even if only possible through online chat. And despite my conflicts with my mom, she stayed by me and helped me, spending nights in the hospital with me and all that stuff. I would’ve been so much more terrified and - errgh, for lack of better words - heart broken. Being all alone without someone I know being nearby during these types of things, regardless of how much I like being alone, is stressful. I would’ve otherwise only had doctors and nurses, but they’d come in and out and not always be in the room.

So, my heart needs to adjust to this, and the recovery is a little scary at times too. I’m pulling through the best I can, using guidance from my doctors. They had me stay one more night, and as of yesterday, I’ve been able to return home. Gotta spend a week relaxing and healing up, keeping up with certain medications to help, and so on.

With all that said, and for those who read this entire mess of a thing, see you all elsewhere!

#fluffy rambles #fluffy speaks #final post

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tinderthecity · 6 years ago

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The Mountaineer

I’m not sure if this blog is a catalog of my dating escapades over the years or a catalog of the most influential dating apps as time goes by, but I guess one thing stays the same, dating apps and I are perpetually on this journey together! (slow clap).

This time, Hinge is the app of choice. A little background information on Hinge, for those of your lucky enough to be unfamiliar with dating app particulars, this one has you provide six pictures as well as the answers to three questions of your choosing from a pool of questions the app provides. You are then asked your age, height, area you live in, and you can also provide some more particulars like school, religious affiliation, if you drink, smoke cigs or pot, do drugs, have children, want children, etc.

Relevant side note: Recently a coworker of mine sent me a link to an article with her subtitle “your kinda guy.” The article was titled “I am a Pacific Northwest Man on Tinder and I will Die if I Go Indoors.” It’s hysterical and exposing the great outdoorsman facade that can become all too trendy on dating apps.

From the article:

“‘Being inside’ is for the weak, the tired, the cold, the hungry, the ‘people with homes,’ the ‘quaints.’ I’m not interested in those who cozy up with Netflix or enjoy going to restaurants or movies. Everything you could possibly need to survive, thrive, and entertain yourself exists in The Great Outdoors. You like sitting down on a comfortable couch? Gross. You like buying groceries in a store? Disgusting. If I am not constantly in some situation under the sun where my life is potentially in danger, I’m not about it. I get off on adrenaline. And nature.”

“My first three profile pics are from epic outdoor activities which showcase a level of fitness you couldn’t even begin to rival. The next three pics are of the exact same thing. The next one is a total thirst trap, which means something different when you’re just dehydrated all the time. The last photo is of a mountain that really gets me fired the fuck up. My face is blurry in each shot because I am Always. In. Motion.”

Lol you get the point (check out the full article for more linked at the bottom, it’s worth it). I died of laughter while also feeling entirely seen. I’m not a dating app girl who falls for the models or the guys on yachts who dress like fancy businessmen or have tons of photos at rooftop bars or are listed as working high-profile jobs. Ask any of my close friends and they’ll tell you that my thirst traps are the guys who seem down to earth (literally) and like to spend time outside, traveling, hiking, etc.

It was after reading this article that I was able to put my last date into context as to why I was so excited and why it was so terribly bad.

The Mountaineer liked me on Hinge and I immediately thought he was pretty cute, loved his answer to the question “I’m looking for....” “Someone who is upfront and honest about what they are thinking and feeling,” (swoon) and his pictures, which, you guessed it.. were all outdoors.

Unfortunately, he lived in Long Island and liked me about a week before Christmas, when I would be going home for about a 10 day span, and afterward he would be gone for a long weekend. We decided we would just chat in the meantime, so we did, everyday. We talked about all sorts of things, but tbh he did talk/ask a lot about hiking haha.

When we could finally meet up after almost three weeks of talking, we decided he would come into the city on a Saturday and we could hit a museum and grab dinner. I chose the Natural History Museum for us to check out because he hadn’t been yet and I know it never disappoints.

The day before our date, the Mountaineer asked me if I’ll be meeting him at his train station. I live in the 150s, the museum is on 79th and his train would be pulling him into 34th. I told him we could meet at the museum since it’s in the middle. He said he didn’t like taking subways alone (interesting, Mr. Adventure) so he would walk from 34th to 79th (about a 45 min walk). Then he realized it was going to rain on Saturday and said he would walk in the rain, to which I told him (trying to be an accommodating Manhattanite) I could just meet him at 34th and take the train with him up to the museum if that’s the case.

The day of comes, it’s a bit rainy outside, as expected, and I get a text from the Mountaineer asking if we should move our date because of the rain (..really?). I basically said no but it’s up to you.

We decide to meet, I go down to 34th street to meet him. I’m running a few minutes late and of course those are the days when train delays hit.

Me: hey I’m on the express but I’m hitting some delays, 😑I’m going to be a little late, sorryyyy

Him: tsk tsk I’m quite disappointed already 😔

Me: 🙃🙃🙃

Him: Oh that’s cute, you think I’m joking

*wow, bold double dig move for not having met yet*

Me: I can just switch to the uptown train at the next stop if you’d rather

Him: haha I’m just messing with you. Would you really?

😇

We meet, he’s def not exactly what I pictured, maybe the 3 inch height difference than he listed had something to do about it or maybe it’s the ten minute first impression of salty remarks that he lead with... He refuses to take the train and has us walk 40 blocks up to the museum in the rain. I quickly realize that the museum and dinner plans we have might be a big mistake.

Once his saltiness simmers down our conversation gets better, and I thought maybe this will actually be a good time.

We get to the museum, and the lines are INSANE, so we decide we’ll go to another one. I give two options that are close by and ask which he’d prefer. I told him I’ve been to both and don’t have a preference to which he says “typical girl not wanting to make a choice” (wow, okay ew) to which I say “that’s actually not true, I chose the first museum..”

He decides on one across the park meaning another 20+ minute walk in the rain. He hops over a half wall into the park and I (not being in the parkour mood) decide I will walk to the entrance pathway about 100 feet away. He pokes fun at me and tells me to have a sense of adventure. I point out that he is wearing outdoor gear head to foot (yes, that is what he wore) and I’m wearing normal not weather proof clothing, not ideal to be jumping into mud.

As we walk across the park he tells me a bit about himself. like how he doesn’t actually own any casual clothing aside from outdoor gear (okay..), he didn’t vote in the presidential election (a little red flag starts waving in the back of my mind), and he has kept eluding to trust issues of some sort by questioning my own honesty (red flag starts flapping harder).

He asks me a little about myself, and somehow we get on the topic of horrible dates we’ve been on. He doesn’t have much to say, but as this blog will tell you, I could go on for hours. I chose to share what I consider to still be my worst date to this day, last years Valentine’s Day post, Mr. Mindful (or as others know him, Touch-barrier). My biggest red flag of all was telling Mountaineer that story and having him respond with “Oh that’s it?” THAT’S IT!? The guy had a gender stereotype conspiracy theory complex, swore at me via text for turning him down, divulged his dating coaches advice and said he should have broken the touch barrier sooner with me, information I learned all within a 24 hour time span. And yet the Mountaineer was more stuck on my reluctance to say - no I never want to see you again - to that guy face to face on our date, because apparently that was Mountaineer’s touch point for accusing me of dishonesty.

We get to the museum (I know... we haven’t even started the actual date yet). Once inside walking around and looking at art, conversation starts to get normal again (aside from him saying that he likes contemporary art but this wasn’t quite what he meant). By the end of the museum I was like okay, I don’t hate this.

Then comes dinner.

We choose a Thai restaurant, again on the opposite side of the park. Yelp gives the location 4.5 stars but when we walk up to the door the grade sign says “grade pending” (not uncommon) and he immediately looks for another place to go because I guess that’s unacceptable. After a few minutes of standing in the cold and probably noticing my poorly disguised apathy for this problem he decides we can go there because, like I said, it’s rated well.

The hostess seats us immediately but we’re close to the door and the Mountaineer doesn’t like that so he asks for us to be moved away from the door. We are then seated right behind the hostess stand and as we sit he goes “wow really?” and proceeds to be visibly and audibly upset about it for at least 10 minutes. He rants to me about how going to a restaurant isn’t just about the food but about the experience and how this experience is bs. (Yes, this two dollar sign Thai restaurant we’re going to because we want a quick meal really isn’t hitting my high class needs). I tell him we could take ownership and ask to move but he says no and continues to pout. As we look at the menu I notice the Mountaineer, as a non vegetarian, keeps mentioning tofu dishes and I ask why. He then bestows all of his restaurant wisdom upon me and explains how he rarely eats meat, or even seafood, at restaurants because he doesn’t trust them (here we go with the trust again), and especially not Asian restaurants. He also let me know that if he ever does order a steak, he likes his steak well-done but he orders it medium-rare and has them send it back to the kitchen when it comes out to cook it longer, because if he asks for it well-done he’s certain they’ll give him a crappy piece of meat.

At this point I am on the verge of stabbing myself with the utensils in front of me but instead I order shrimp pad thai to spite him. He doesn’t ask me a single question at dinner and is less than kind to the serving staff (the reddest flag of the red flags), I ask questions to fill the painful void for myself and when he asks if I want to go to Patagonia with him to look at some more outdoor gear he wants for himself I tell him I need to head home to my pup.

I hugged him, I left, I haven’t spoken to him since and I couldn't be more grateful.

I will admit, I was a little upset when I left, partially because I had been excited about the Mountaineer for two weeks and felt bummed by my off point expectations, but even more so I was upset because I wasted almost an entire Saturday walking in the rain and listening to restaurant conspiracy theories when I could have been at home with my pup.

This date taught me (and hopefully you) two things: 1) You can be into Mountains without being be down to Earth 2) Never plan a multi-layered first date

Happy Love Day Everyone

(For a nice complimentary laugh, here’s the link to that brief article I mentioned earlier that was obviously written about Mountaineer and his brethren.)

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-a-pacific-northwest-man-on-tinder-and-i-will-die-if-i-go-indoors

#online dating #dating #tinder #tinder and the city #love #romance #dating apps #relationships #tinder matches #hinge #bumble #valentines day

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kellyyisstrange-blog · 6 years ago

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Warped Tour/Roadie For A Day Blog: July 13, 2018

Okay, wow! I have A LOT to talk about today. This blog might be all over the place because I am terrible at this, but I really want to share my experience with everyone!

So, Doll Skin. If you haven’t heard of them before, let me educate! Doll Skin is a punk/rock band from Phoenix, AZ. In my opinion, they are beyond wonderful and extremely underrated and I try to bring their music to everyone’s attention as much as I possibly can. The members are as follows:

Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar: Sydney Dolezal | Lead Guitar: Alex Snowden | Bass: Nicole Rich | Drums/Vocals: Meghan Herring

Doll Skin played at Warped Tour 2017 and are currently playing at Warped Tour 2018 on the Owly stage! SO. A few months ago, I had learned about this contest sponsored by an organization called “Girls Behind the Rock Scene.” Basically, this organization helps bring more females into the music industry and showing women what it’s like in the backstage/roadie scenes of band life. I support this 100% because well, being a female myself, I love getting any opportunity that comes my way in a “male-dominated” world. Women are truly making breakthroughs all over the world and I could not be more proud to be a woman in this day and age. Well GBTRS partnered with Doll Skin for Warped Tour 2018 to have a contest, where for each tour date, someone would be selected to shadow/be their roadie for that day. I really wanted to apply, so I did, but at first I had no confidence that I was going to win. I was blessed with that email saying I was going to be Doll Skin’s roadie in Camden, NJ’s Warped Tour show. I had no idea how to prepare or even if I needed to prepare. So I just read up a little bit on what roadies do and took it from there!

Showtime!

So, I rode to Warped with my best friend, Kait. Unfortunately, my car decided to give me problems just 2 days prior. My luck in a nutshell. So, I arrived and had to meet with the girls’ tour manager, Nicole (since there are 2 Nicole’s, one being the manager and one being the bass player of the band I’m going to do this: when I’m talking about the tour manager, I’m going to say ‘Nicole (TM)’ and when I’m talking about the bass player I’m going to say ‘Nicole (DS)’.) So, I met up with Nicole (TM) and she was the absolute sweetest. She did everything in her power to make sure I could soak in as much information as possible, while also staying properly hydrated and having a fun time. It was very hot out that day. She probably gave me a total of 6-7 water cans throughout the day.

Anyway, Doll Skin was scheduled to perform at 4:30, therefore they did not really need me until 3:45. But, Nicole (TM) asked me if I wanted to go with her and Meghan to see Don Broco at 11:30 (I believe) and I said sure! They took me SIDE STAGE and I was completely blown away. I have never seen any bands side stage before so this was an amazing new thing for me. I was trying to keep my cool because so many band members were just walking right past me. I got to give Meghan her gift, which was a red treble clef necklace and she loved it! She wore it during their set! So, after seeing Don Broco, I was taken to the band’s merch tent and I met Cameron. He was giving me pointers about how to sell merchandise to fans and he is just a natural! He convinced so many people who have not heard of the band to go check them out. He had stickers with the band’s name, set time and stage and handed them out to everyone. My favorite thing about sitting at the tent was when people would come up to us and say, “Doll Skin? I’ve never heard of them” and Cameron would say, “Oh but they are only the BEST band on Warped Tour this year!” with SUCH confidence and I could tell it made everyone interested in learning about them. Though, one lady approached us and asked if they were the “Powerpuff Girl band” which made me laugh because the girls told me they get that all the time.

After that, I was pretty much free to watch some bands and do whatever I wanted until 3:45. The first thing I did was look for the Christina Grimmie Foundation tent. Since Christina was tragically murdered at her concert in June of 2016, her family decided to start a foundation in her honor and any donations are shared to families/victims of gun violence as well as breast cancer. Christina is one of my idols, and I’m friends with her brother Marcus who was running the tent, so I visited them and hung out for a while. Mark gave me a bracelet and we were laughing and joking around. It’s good to see him happy again.

I decided to walk around for a while, just to check out all the tents and see what was going on when all of a sudden I notice a sign that said, “Simple Plan free signing 1:00″ It was 12:00 and I IMMEDIATELY went in line!! Simple Plan has been a favorite of mine since I was about 13 years old. I was able to get a selfie with them and my inner child was screaming for joy! Finally, after walking backstage and just looking at all these bands walking past me, I actually MET one! They were signing right next to the stage where Tonight Alive were performing, which made me happy because I really wanted to see them. So yes, another dream of meeting Simple Plan has finally come true! Then I went with Kait to see We The Kings and we got MURDERED in the pit pretty much! Haha, they said they were filming us for a video and around 8-10 fans all decided to crowd surf all at once and they were all coming towards us and we pretty much got squashed. One girl almost fell head first into the concrete! Thank goodness we saved her! Seriously! Be safe when trying to crowd surf people! (Ok, ‘safe’ and ‘crowd surfing’ do not go together, I know. But still, be careful!)

After their set was done, I was escorted by Nicole (TM) to see Simple Plan side stage!!!! I repeat: SIMPLE PLAN...SIDE STAGE!!! It was an amazing experience. The crowd was fantastic and honestly, seeing everything from the opposite side, meaning from the stage as opposed to the crowd, was life changing for me. It really inspired me to maybe get myself onto a stage performing in front of crazy awesome fans one day! But oh my, were the fans crazy for Simple Plan! The band had huge water guns and were giving water to the fans and they were so loud and active and amazing! I got to see what really happens behind the scenes during a show. It is A LOT of hard work, guys! These shows don’t just have a magic button that you press to make it all happen. These crew members bust their asses for every single show and I don’t think we give them nearly enough credit! So shoutout to all of you wonderful crew members working Warped or working at all for any band! Keep it up!

NOW. It is 3:45 and I’m at Doll Skin’s tent backstage helping them prepare for their set! Now I just want to start this part off by saying that all of the members of this band are the nicest human beings I have ever met! So, I see Alex first, and she gave me a hug and was saying that their photographer, who is also named Kelly and also who I met earlier in the day, kept talking about me and how they were all so excited to finally meet me. I gave Alex her gifts, which were a Harley Quinn plush and Avenged Sevenfold All Excess DVD. Her jaw dropped and she gently put them down and gave me the biggest hug in the world, thanking me and saying I’m such a sweetheart for the gifts and that she is going to be watching that dvd for the rest of the tour and I just thought it was so cool that she loved them so much! Sydney shows up next and I hugged her and gave her the Doll Skin Photo Book I made and HER jaw dropped! She’s going, “Guys did you see this?!” and everyone is saying how awesome it was. I included a letter for them in the book which Sydney promised me they would read together. Nicole (DS) shows up next and it was so funny because Alex goes, “Woah! ...Omg from far away she looked naked!” And I started laughing. So I give Nicole (DS) her gifts, which were a pink wrist pouch, a MCR bracelet with Helena lyrics on it, and a bear keychain that was pink. She put the bracelet and keychain on instantly and thanked me and gave me a hug. I went to take a photo with Alex and Nicole (DS) and Nicole says, “OH WOW I DO LOOK NAKED! ...Oh well” Haha. Amazing. There was even a point when Kait asked me if I could bring her a water and Sydney ended up walking over to the gate and talking to her for a bit! Sydney is so amazing! I told her how much Kait loves her and she immediately wanted to meet her and they took goofy selfies together. It was amazing. Doll Skin really does love and care about their fans!

Their set was starting in a few minutes and basically what I learned was that the girls are pretty much their own roadies. We just helped them bring Meghan’s drums up to the stage and the girls took care of everything else. They are very independent and want to have control over how they set up their stage and I respect the hell out of that! We also put water on the stage for them in case they needed it. So, the set begins and I’m side stage of course. It’s like they have this internal switch, from normal people to ROCKSTARS and they definitely just flipped the switch to star! WOW! As soon as I heard Alex’s guitar and Sydney’s “WHAT’S UP, WARPED TOUR?!” I had so many emotions running through my head. These girls, these normal, average everyday but yet so amazing girls, are also in a band playing at Warped Tour. So, I have been wanting to get involved with music for the longest time. Whether it be doing photography for a band, being a roadie, a tour manager, or actually in the band myself, I’ve always wanted to be involved somehow. BUT, my little to no self-esteem, no confidence and anxiety have always been holding me back. But watching them perform like that just inspired me in so many ways. I don’t think I have ever actually felt THAT inspired before. They kicked ass and had a blast! I found myself in tears a few times during their set. I was so overjoyed! Here I am, just a random girl from Jersey, at the final Warped Tour show in Camden, working for Doll Skin and seeing all of these amazing bands up close and experiencing backstage life. It’s incredible!

Doll Skin’s Set List: Family of Strangers, Daughter, Shut Up (You Miss Me), Lets Be Honest, Uninvited, Persephone and Puncha Nazi. (They also said they were going to play Africa by Toto, then proceeded to play the first 10 seconds, stop and say, ‘That’s all we’ve learned!’ which was hilarious! I could tell they were having fun up there!)

When Puncha Nazi started, Nicole (TM) and I ran off stage to get their cases opened and everything ready to be put away and back on to the tour bus. They ended with Sydney grabbing the large Doll Skin flag and saying, “If you guys wanna hang out with us at our merch tent follow me!” And she took the fans, while Alex, Max, Nicole (both), Meghan and I were putting all of the guitars, bass guitars and drums back on to the truck. I can’t imagine doing that on a daily basis, but I would love to! It is A LOT more work than everyone makes it out to be, but it felt so rewarding to hear all of the ‘thank you’ comments from the entire band and we were just cracking jokes while putting things away. We had to be quick too and according to Nicole (DS) I was very quick and very helpful! It was adorable because there was one thing that was WAY too heavy for Meghan to put onto the truck so I did it for her. Nicole (DS) gave me her water and her chips which was great because I was starving.

Ok, so on to the meet and greet and dinner. I waited until the girls were done meeting everyone. They were having so much fun meeting their fans! Then Kait and I hung with them a bit and took some more photos together. Then, I went to catering with Nicole (TM) and Meghan. WOW! I was literally surrounded by the majority of the bands! The singers from Mayday Parade and We The Kings walked past me a few times and I was thinking to myself, “Keep calm! You cannot fangirl in front of them! Stay cool!” It was very difficult. But overall the food was great and I was able to chill and eat dinner with the band again. Then Cameron and Sydney came with me to see 3OH!3 side stage. Again, amazing! I cannot put into words what an amazing day it was. After that, I talked to Sydney for a bit at the RV, she gave me a written set list, I thanked her, she thanked me, I saw Motionless in White with Kait and then we went home.

So, I knew this was going to be a long post but DAMN! Haha, I HAD to share my experience! It was definitely, seemingly like a once in a lifetime opportunity and I just feel so blessed to have learned SO much in just one day about tour life backstage! This definitely inspired me to work harder with my music and hopefully I’ll be performing one day too! HUGE thank you to Doll Skin, Nicole, Cameron, Simple Plan, everyone I encountered at this show! I could not have asked for a better Warped Tour experience and I hope to see Doll Skin again very soon! Thank you to GBTRS for even putting this contest together. Women can do anything!!! Always remember that!

And with that, LATER EVERYONE! :D

-KellyKatt

#dollskin #warped tour #doll skin #roadie #tour #music #bands #warped 2018

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