#3 = i am so sad and so lonely and hurting so badly but i think i want to take this world down with me
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scatteredshowersposts · 2 months ago
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Playing God (Paramore)
How can that be logical? Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat
2. STFU! (Rina Sawayama)
Silence, finally in my head But it’s too late, you already left You’re preaching, even though I’m dead
3. Je me promets (Meryem Aboulouafa)
كيفما سارت ا لأقدار و رفعتني عاليا ثم لطختني مع ا لأ رض و اشتق عظمي و سال دمي أعدني أني سأحيي فخري من الرماد الحمر الداف و أولع من عدمي حتى تشتعل في الحياة
However fate goes, if it lifts me high then sullies me with the ground and my bones split and my blood flows, I promise myself I will revive my honor from the warm red ash and blaze with my nothingness until life goes up in flames
4. Dig Me Out (Sleater Kinney)
Dig me out, dig me in Out of this mess, baby, out of my head Dig me out, dig me in Out of my body, out of my skin
5. Nada (Lido Pimienta)
Yo te soy sincero Y no le tengo miedo A la muerte Si es que me quiere Aquí la espero de frente y sonriente
I’m honest with you And I’m not afraid Of death If she wants me I’ll wait for her here, facing her and smiling
6. Magnet (Bikini Kill)
You don’t own me, fuck! You hold me down like a magnet And this is not the life for me
7. Courage to Change (Sia)
World, I want to leave you better I want my life to matter I am afraid I have no purpose here
8. I Bet on Losing Dogs (Mitski)
My baby, my baby Tell your baby that I’m your baby
9. A Girl in Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing) (Debora Iyall)
She's on the mend and knows that she's earned The scars and the lines By and by - one step at a time Her love can dazzle and delight - she transcends
#safu#no. 6 safu#no.6 safu#no. 6#no.6#1 + 2 = we fucking hate that doctor guy. and remember safu is also a scientist.#3 = i am so sad and so lonely and hurting so badly but i think i want to take this world down with me#4 = i do not want to be alive anymore and i am VERY ANGRY#5 = i am above everything i have experienced in this mortal life and also i'm ready to die because this is hell#6 = we fucking HATE that doctor guy AND we hate no. 6#7 = literally why am i still 'alive' suffering like this. oh but i have access to an ancient god's power? ok let's fuck things up#8 = shion is her baby; nezumi is his baby; they're both the losing dogs; and safu is losing by their side.#9 = let's set the record straight - she saved herself because shion + nezumi would have died on the first floor without her#i think this is truly the end of the content but i keep saying that haha#just wanna be clear with everyone that even though so far all i've done on here is talk about boys - I AM A LESBIAN and i love safu#really wish asano had given us more of her thought process in like merging with elyurias + deciding that she was gonna save shion/nezumi#and ask them to destroy everything#i wanted to see safu's rage#i am 100000% convinced she was still there when her projection talked to shion#i do not believe that that was just elyurias/mother creating a version of her i think it was her#that's my little onion#i know i'm reusing artists but again probably no one will listen to these except me so i can do what i want :)#amiga date cuenta by sailorfag is my song to safu lmao#translation for arabic is from 'lyricstranslate' which gives no attribution
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niuniente · 1 year ago
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Regarding fandoms and comments, I've recently had negative comments that tell me I'm not good and should just quit writing. Well, it worked. I no longer am able to write without it affecting my mental state. People who do the bullying do it to get rid of authors they don't like that doesn't fit their mindset. When does it end? I didn't want it to hurt my mental health and get me to quit, but it did.
People treating each other badly whenever they can never ceases to make me sad.
I try to think the quote "hurt people hurt people" when dealing with negative people. Happy, balanced people, who view others as their equals, have no need to leave negative comments, send hate messages etc. to others just because they can.
Take a little break but don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love! I try to keep this mentality and I always think about how Billy Idol (80's famous singer) just kept pushing forward whenever someone or something said no to him:
When he was a child, he wanted to play a guitar. Parents said "No, you can only play a violin" -> Billy secretly got himself a guitar with 5£ at the age of 9 and learned to play it by himself.
His teenage girlfriend dyed his hair white. Everyone said it looked horrible on him -> Billy kept the white hair and made it his trademark.
He discovered punk and FINALLY managed to put a band together in his late teens. Too bad that London, where he lived, had closed all bars and pubs from punk bands. They weren't legally allowed to play anywhere. -> Billy and a few other guys established their own place for all punk bands, where all where welcome to play.
He went to university to study music. He was bullied and ostracized by other students as he was too weird, too freaky looking and listened to punk instead of jazz -> He was lonely but staid in the school and kept his looks and music taste.
He started to dislike being a band member and wanted to have a solo career. Everyone said you can't make it, you suck, you can't make compose a shit -> Billy decided to start a solo career as Billy Idol anyway.
When he started to get a little footing in the Europe, he decided that he wants to go to USA. It would give him better markets and more chances to succeed. Too bad that Europe's most famous punk band, Sex Pistols, has just epically failed in their attempts to make it in the USA. America hated punk and Billy Idol was nobody compared to Sex Pistols. Everyone called him delusional for having such stupid dreams. -> Billy went to USA anyway
In America, all record labels he went to said the same thing; you will never make it here. You sing punk and we hate it. You sing with British English and we hate it. You look so fucking ugly that no one will come to see you. If you want to succeed here, you need to change your music style for radio friendly stuff, change your accent and change your looks. -> Billy thought that if singing with American accents helps, he does it. Otherwise, fuck you. This is the music he wants to do and this is his style and how he wants to look. -> This decision led him to become super famous. Everyone loved his music and the fucking ugly guy became one of the 80's sex symbols, and his music videos were literally directed to sell with sex to the female audience.
Also, it was told him with dead certainty by many people that your music will never play in radios. EVER. Well, what do you know, his music still plays in the radios, 40 years later :3
So, keep going! Keep writing! There's audience for every single style out there and just because some asshat wasn't impressed, it doesn't mean others wouldn't like your stuff.
I mean, how much emphasis do we want to put into asshats words anyway? Which matters more; some random asshat's feelings or our own joy and inspiration when we do something creative?
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago
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ok the last post i reblogged sent me on a minedai spiral and i wrote a massive textpost i didn't actually finish and watched like 30 mins of cutscenes including the whole finale rooftop stuff [yakuza 3 spoilers to follow] and god WHAT THE FUCK I'm actually crying like multiple consecutive tears over fucking. MINE YOSHITAKA. not that he's not worth it but i Did Not Care That Much when i first saw that scene but after spiralling over his emotions i am apparently DEVASTATED. cannot stress enough that i do not cry very often at all. this is a rare event. but it's just so fucking sad. when you know what's happening and what's going to happen and how mine feels the atmosphere is so fucking miserable and mournful. god. fuck. the way he looks at kiryu when he's like what are you going to do to daigo you bastard. THE GUILT THE HESITATION. HE'S NOT WELL. the love of his LIFE got hurt under his protection and he is NOT HANDLING IT WELL HE'S HANDLING IT SO FUCKING BADLY that he's decided to kill him because he's basically dead and he can't stand waiting for the other shoe to drop. he's losing his mind over this he's actually losing his entire purpose and ideology and he's fucking. gay as hell. and the way he says "oh yeah you know how it was growing up as an orphan. no one trusted or loved me. i had nothing" when, frankly, kiryu DIDNT have it that bad. but he did lose those people, one of whom's death has a striking resemblance to mine's in a minute. idek how i wanna unpack that rn. like he just assumes it's universal and it's not. but if they grew up in the same circumstances who's to say kiryu wouldn't have ended up like him? and when he collapses after the fight and his secretary calls him and he tries to open up to her about the shallow but meaningful (to lonely ass mine) relationship they have and she starts talking about stock exchange bs and he's like kiryu do you ever feel like your world is falling apart around you. he's been worried sick he's been agonizing he almost killed his dead beloved chairman. and the way daigo uses the same gun mine used to shoot at kiryu and was gonna use to kill him to save mine and kiryu. how his first lines are that he's not ready to die yet. how mine cowers and falls to his knees when daigo wakes up. fuckkk dude. and how mine starts all rational and explanatory and calm in tone and when kiryu starts pressing him he starts freaking the fuck out and when daigo wakes up he finally has a mournful tone. him saying he doesn't deserve to live but not admitting he betrayed daigo. he never even told him he loved him, as far as we know. (god the fact that it still manages to be devastating even with richardson's CHOICE acting and daigo's coma trickshot is insane.) and how he tells kiryu he hates those who always try to help others even when that's the trait that drew him to daigo, and when he lets kiryu help him (read: beat a moral into him) he wishes he'd met him sooner, as if the belief that there wasn't only one person who could care about him would have saved him has set in, as if he realizes now that he never accepted help and that's why he was wrong about those do-gooders, and that perhaps he was wrong about them and himself, that it wasn't because they were lying to him or because he was unlikable, but that he did not let them in. because that's literally what's happening. AND I FUCKING. FORGOT DAIGO ASKS KIRYU IF MINE WAS THE TRAITOR AFTER HE WATCHES HIM FUCKING KILL HIMSELF AND KIRYU SAYS NO HE WOULD NEVER BETRAY YOU. HE LIES TO COVER HIS ASS BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS HOW BROKEN HE WAS ABOUT THIS AND CANT BEAR TO RUIN HIS IMAGE IN THE EYES OF THE ONE PERSON MINE REALLY CARED ABOUT, REALLY LOVED. FUCKS SAKE.
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oftlunarialmoon · 10 months ago
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5 Ways to STOP/PREVENT Self Harm
originally posted to www.onlyfunthings.org on May 15, 2017
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Ciao lovelies! As you all may know, I care very much about all of you and I never want any of you to be in pain, and I especially don’t want any of you to think your only option is to self-harm. So I decided to make a list of 5 things you can do instead of self-harm. Remember that every day clean is another victory!
As someone who used to self-harm, I can guarantee that these 5 things are effective in taking away the urge to hurt yourself. If you are feeling like hurting yourself or suicidal in any way I also urge you to seek help in a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, or counselor so that you can get proper help and get into recovery. If you’re already in recovery, first let me say I am so proud of you and I know how hard it is to come this far. I am so happy that you’re in recovery. Second, I know how hard it is to avoid relapsing while in self-harm recovery, and this list will definitely help you to not relapse.
#1- Ice Cubes
I know that sometimes the urge to self-harm comes from the feeling of emotional numbness caused by depression. But instead of cutting or hurting yourself in any way to feel something, try this trick.
Get an ice cube or something very cold from the freezer, and hold it until you feel something. Repeat if you need to.
 I know that many therapists will also say to snap a rubber band on your wrist, but I don’t recommend this as it can leave welts and can be just as addictive as self harm.
Along the lines of the ice cubes, try eating something very cold, like ice pops or ice cream. Your mouth is very sensitive, so you will definitely feel the cold.
#2- Red marker
Sometimes cutting/self-harming is a compulsion. To stop this, draw red lines on your arm with a soft tip marker wherever you’d normally hurt yourself. Repeat until you have satisfied the compulsion.
If you are worried about being judged, just wash off the red marks when you’re done (I recommend using a washable red Crayola marker because of this).
DO NOT USE A PEN! Pens are sharp! And can hurt you! DO NOT USE A PEN!!! USE A SOFT TIPPED MARKER!
#3- Follow the HALT Checklist
Before hurting yourself, look at the HALT checklist. This checklist is designed to show you why you might be feeling badly. So HALT and see if you are-
H- Hungry?/Hydrated? Eat something small. If it’s a meal time, eat a meal. Try to eat something healthy with mood boosting properties, like a banana. Are you dehydrated? When was the last time you drank water? Take a few sips or drink half a bottle. 
A- Angry? Are you angry? Think of anything you might be angry about. Try ranting to yourself for a little while. Draw an angry picture in an angry color like red. 
L- Lonely? Are you Lonely? When was the last time you talked to someone? Call someone, go talk to a family member, even talk to a pet. Talk. Get some interaction. 
T- Tired? Are you tired? When was the last time you slept? Take a 30 minute nap if you’re not sure.
#4- Take a Walk
Sometimes you might be feeling restless, and mis-attribute it to sadness. I actually found that going on a brisk walk outside makes me feel a lot better, for some reason. I’m not sure why this works, but maybe it’s something to do with getting some vitamin D? It’s still nice, and makes me feel better.
#5- Destroy Something
Have a pile of things you can safely destroy, like old school papers you can rip apart. Sometimes the act of ripping paper to shreds can just cause so much relief and take away so much stress!
Please, make sure to take care of yourself. I don’t want any of you to ever feel the need to self-harm. Each and every one of you is beautiful, and deserves to live and be happy.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, please talk to a trusted adult.
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greypetrel · 2 years ago
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1, 10, and 18 for Aisling from the Uncommon OC Questions 💝
Hi there! ����
Thanks for asking! I already answered to number 1, so if you want another number, pop it in the comments! :3
Tis the prompt list.
10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?
"I'm fine. :) "
Aisling may appear an open book, and surely you'll notice when she's upset or disagree with you. She's pretty open about communicating what's wrong if you said something that didn't sit right with her, and find a solution together.
But.
But, she's a people pleaser. Meaning that she will hide and mask any negative feeling that she thinks may make her appear bad in your eyes. She needs a lot of confidence to just admit when she's upset for something she has no control over, and just needs to... Feel things and accept them. Back in the clan, the Keeper had some form of therapy ("Let's have tea in the aravel, tell me all your problems, even the nasty ones, tell me how you feel and I will just accept it and help you figure it out, or offer a shoulder to cry on, no judgement"), but in Haven... Eh. She struggled with that a lot and felt terribly lonely because she had no one to talk to and be open with.
She is so close to Dorian because he was the first to see through the bubbliness. Namely, they both were upsed about Redcliffe, Dorian caught her when she wanted to be alone... And dragged her in the "Moping corner" with Felix, they just spent the evening together being sad and openly so, no judgement involved. It meant A LOT to her, and she instantly attached to Dorian (kept on writing to Felix until he died, she cried when she learnt).
So, her most frequent lie, is when she says she's fine... When she's not, but she's too scared that people will turn on her if she speaks. She's not fine. It doesn't haunt her, the one that this lie hurts more is herself.
18. What embarrasses them?
Overstepping boundaries. Reading people, trying to help and realising she overstepped, even if in good faith, or that her actions were read badly.
Being caught lacking some abilities or skill she (thinks she) should have. And for her "I should be able to" means "I should be highly proficient at", she's quite the perfectionist. (Vivienne grates on her nerves because of that, she just... Highlights her lacks. No matter if she can't walk on heels because living as nomads high heels are just an impediment and wasted money)
Also, compliments on anything that's not magic or horseriding or herbalism (herbalism because she deflects them by telling you that she's just discrete, she just mimicks her Keeper, she is the good one). Sometimes even that, she gets embarrassed when Dorian praises her for magic (She has a very high opinion of him, in the first days of science bros she thought he was just being kind in letting her stay around. "He invented TIME TRAVEL, I am just able to catch a running rabbit with a lightning, that's not comparable I'm not that brilliant.")
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dhdhhehdndbdbd · 6 months ago
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oh. just kind of realized that i didn't love like you i shouldve. looking back at those texts; i am everything to you; you are just a burden to me. thats a harsh way of saying it. but i didnt love you like you deserved.. get hurt so much you eventually turn into the red flag, i guess..
i dont blame myself for pursuing it at the beginning. i think i was so tired of being hurt, so tired of being the one led on, so tired of being the one to be crushed, so tired of being used and hurt. i wanted nothing to hurt me again.
so when i found you, i guess i went searching for someone i knew wouldn't hurt me. even if it meant i wasnt all the way in, even if it meant that i didnt reciprocate what i had to. i was tired of being the one hurt.
i hurt you.
i needed a reminder that someone could love me; that someone out there was good, and could be good to me. even if it meant that im now the one hurting others.
maybe it wasn't right of me. maybe i shouldnt have continued it... but i couldn't stop. i mean, it was only 3 months. i know you will be sad and i know it will hurt but at least i didnt take up more of your time. we didnt spend real money, we didn't make any real decisions for each other. we're not married, there's no kids, etc. there's still a lot of hope out there for us.
its not right to expect you to be sitting there whenever i want to call. just because im lonely and i miss you. its not right to you. of course id like to check up on you and see how you're doing but i also need to respect you. (although, ive made it clear to him that if he needs space, i will go away. i think for now hes okay with keeping contact because there's the chance we will get back together).
ive been thinking, maybe this is how cam felt? of course, its not really comparable, since he was selfish and treated me badly, but wanting to continue contact afterwards? yeah, he mustve lost feelings for me but still wanted me around. well, i will not repeat what you've done. hunter has the right to slam that door the moment he feels like it, as i did with you. slam the door and don't look back. leave me here - i am full of love for you, and i always will be, but i must find my own place as well. dont we both deserve to find the ones for us?
im not an evil person. im not a bad person. i think i was hurt and just wanted to try something. i felt love, full and ready, and i wanted to drown in it, because i felt like id been starved. i just went through shit, repeated cycles, self-sabotaged, self-harmed. i wasnt ready to date when we dated. did you heal me? i think in little ways, yes. your love distracted me from the pain and reminded me of what pure, unconditional love felt like. and that i was enough. that someone would stick around for me... why? im not sure why. you really liked me, i guess.
we might. we might go on a date in the fall. maybe he'll come over to my dorm and we'll finally cook and i'll show you my new room. maybe i'll see how it feels then.
but for now its the end. the end of this, the end of us.
ive loved you, hunter. maybe it was not as full and real as it should've, because you were all in for me. (so fast? really?). but even so it meant so much to me. it impacted me so deeply. your love reached an ache, and for a moment, things were quiet. but that moment dissipated as soon as it came, and id be back to questioning if i should be with you. you deserve someone who is as sure as you. i loved you but not enough. i wasnt in love. it was comfortable, it was nice, it was reliable.
hah, thats what you said the last time you saw me. "it was nice".
it was. i hope you heal and i hope you find where you belong one day.
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thoughtsearches · 7 months ago
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it's april now. my birthday is right around the corner. next week. i started my period five minutes ago. i dont want to celebrate my birthday. my boyfriend took the day off for me. i wish he had let me know a lot sooner so i could have thought about what i might like to do instead of slapping something together. but it was sweet of him. he asked me to clean up his room of garbage today. i got it all together in bags but i didn't grab a largw trash bag to put everything in. i meant to but. im not comfortable in his house. i feel lonely here. we've been together almost five years. im confined to a 15ft by 15ft by 8ft cube. or thats how it feels anyway. i know im just hormonal right now. i know these feelings wont be forever. but i dont want to be here. in this house i mean. i shaved one of my calves today (on my right leg). im pretending it's gender-affirming care bc im using Gilette men's shaving cream. just ignore the pink razor. it has been almost a month since the last time i very badly hurt myself on purpose. im not proud of myself for that but im trying to be. i wish i had friends. that's something i have been wanting pining for more and more lately. companionship outside of 3 family members and my boyfriend. i know it is my fault that isnt the case. i havent learned much about socializing. i do well in social settings most of the time but i feel like an odd sort of duck. a novelty. people like me on the short term but they dont seem to stick around or want to stick around. cramping. so sad. despondent. for no reason too! just wishing for things that wont be and wanting things to be different. wish i hadnt latched onto so many fictional characters to cope with being lonely bc now that's all i have. maybe that's all i ever had. why. why do i repulse people. why am i alone in a house that is overly full. why do i feel disconnected from everything. if you want me to be comfortable here why do you not make an effort for that to be the case. why am i still with you. this isnt making any sense or turning out how i wanted it to but this is just a diary. haha. an online diary. well it isn't like anyone i know is going to see this and know it is me. im sad. i carry it with me all the time and i can only hope i've sealed it away enough when im around others so they think im normal. i am the dam. i hold everything in. emotions thoughts dreams aspirations passions. im so scared to let any of it out. what is a life if you dont do anything with it.
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dreamingaboutlove · 1 year ago
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It’s 6:16 pm here and I’m thinking about how lonely I am and how badly I want to put myself out there so that I can fall in love eventually but feeling sad because I won’t let myself do that until I most likely get top surgery and figure the rest of my gender confusion out. Sometimes it hurts to have a body.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re lonely and struggling. I hope you know that your feelings are valid, and that there is no rush to put yourself out there. I understand how frustrating figuring out your identity (whether it’s gender or sexuality) can be, but take your time with things. Do what makes you the most comfortable and happy, and don’t let anyone put a timeline on that. I wish you all the best/luck with getting top surgery. And if you ever need a friend, or just someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to message me or reach out through anons if that makes you the most comfy. I wish you all the best on your journey with yourself <3
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jina-juhi · 2 years ago
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the possibility of us.
pairing - yuta × female reader
word count - 7.7k
warnings - Panic attack (i tried to keep it short) penetration, protected sex, grinding, corruption kink, yuta is not angry and dom, controlling, over stim if i can say so? oral ( both receiving ) and literally everything that comes w this. choking!!!! yea. heh.
summary - You promised yourself you wouldn't fall for him, and you thought he could never fall for a girl like you. There was no way you both could be together, and even if there was one, your past wouldn't let you.
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playlist
"eyes off you" - prettymuch
"phases" - prettymuch
"under the influence" - chris brown
"slow down" - chase atlantic
"show me" - black atlass
"safety net" - ariana grande
"used to this" - camila cabello
"chills, dark version" - mickey vallen
"3:00 am" - finding hope
"no guidance" - chris brown ft drake
Authors note:- so this whole thing is someone's request and i have not done justice to it. But here i am still hoping that they like it. I wrote like a whole seed to tree thing but it all got deleted and then I just left it to where my mind led me. I swear im working hard on my English vocab and duh sentence forming skills, but i hope you get the feelings mentioned below~~~
also if u wanna like request something~
m.list
so fucking loud.
The party was getting louder and overwhelming. You were quite alright just a few seconds back but it only takes a thought, to remember everything you want so badly to escape.
You danced like crazy, and drank. A lot. To forget. And now your head is hurting like hell and you don't know what to do or where to go, everything is spinning around and its all a blur. One thing that you could think of right now is your phone.
Searching your pocket and the couch you have been sitting on for so long, you can't find it. Its not lost its with Haewon, your friend. Sadly though your friend had to leave early due to some urgency, you thought it would be okay, you would manage but truly speaking, you're just a child. You try to be brave but being left alone is one of your biggest fears.
The fear kept building up since you were a kid and now it has settled in and made itself permanent in you. First it was your dad leaving you and your mom for a second family, then your mom in chase of her new life and then your so called first love who thought you were too fucked up to be loved. Leaving you like you were a crumbled up piece of paper ready to be dumped. Since then, you have not loved.
Not because you forgot, but because you're sacred.
You're scared everyone would leave you just like them and in the end, they'll move on, they'll live better but you're gonna be wounded. Trust me, you're already wounded enough to go out there and put a knife in your chest with your own hands. You know better or so you may think. That being alone, and not letting anyone in is the key to overcome this but truly, it is just making it worse. You can't help it.
You stumble on your way out of the once filled room with sweaty bodies, heels in one hands and a bottle of water in another. Your legs hurt more with every step you take, mentally cursing yourself for going absolutely reckless. You stand leaning against the main gate, supporting yourself so you don't fall in the wait of a cab.
You watch as tired bodies pass you by one by one. Everybody having someone to lean on to, you have a door. Not complaining but it feels sad sometimes not to have that one person who's always gonna stick by your side and other deep shit. It gets lonely. Fiddling with the hem of your dress, you give up on waiting, shifting your wait from the gate to your feet, you start to walk in the direction of your home, finding it hard because of all the alcohol.
Not even two steps forward, you hear a faint voice calling your name, a voice you would recognise even after your death, a voice that could send you into overdrive in a mere millisecond. You find yourself panicking, why is he calling your name, he shouldn't be calling your name. He's supposed to be the mean guy like everybody says but he's good to you, he's supposed to be cold hearted but he's kind to you, he's supposed to ignore you like he does everybody else, but he treats you different.
Nakamoto Yuta is not supposed to know you.
But he does, and that's what got you falling for him. Hard. It began with a single look in the hallway, you were a fresher and he was in the senior year. You weren't allowed in the library back then which you didn't knew, so you went in to issue some books. A bunch of seniors saw you, scolded you for not abiding by the rules, they could have gone too far but Yuta kinda saved your ass in there. He'd been kind, which was very unlikely of him because they all called him cold-hearted, but you saw no such characters in him, he'd always been nice to you. No matter how much you refused you did had a minute crush on him since that day, which eventually turned in something you'd rather not give a name to.
You turn around to see a very familiar face, you could draw an exact replica of him with your eyes closed. You fumble, he hands are firmly griping you by your arms, holding you upright, "you okay?"
On usual days, if Yuta is taking the first floor hallway to get to his class, you'd take the third floor even if it means you'll be late by five. But on some very rare unusual day, when your hormones decide to throw random tantrums and make you realise how much dry of a pussy cat you have, you'd take the same hallway 0as he does in order to feed your brain with his mere looks alone, which would be enough for the next 5 to 6 days so you could go back on avoiding him, for the sake of your sanity.
Today, most probably was a usual day. Throughout the party, you made sure to not cross paths with him but always keeping in check as to where he was. He looked drop dead gorgeous today in that white tshirt of his, loose hair falling over his face blocking your sight of view but adding up to his perfection. Maybe, just maybe you might have been too obvious with that watching from afar game of yours you think he didn't notice but he does. He knows, he always has known. Boys like him, they always know.
"I just wanna go home." Your voice comes out tired and slurred, the alcohol in your system is probably damaging your sense of judgement, you're saying things you're not supposed to be saying.
"It isn't safe for you to go alone." His voice could make you fall to knees, yea that is the amount of power he holds on you. If he says your name one more time with that pretty mouth of his, you'd be curling into a ball and stay like that for the rest of your life because it would save you from the embarrassment of facing him with your red flushed face and needy eyes. Yes, you're a sucker for him and you don't like it. It's not about him it's about you. How could you risk everything again for just a crush. He's not just a crush. And what about the too fucked to be loved part? What if thats true? You can't risk losing Yuta.
"I'll tak- a cab or somethin you don't have to." Sitting in the same car, having him around you when you're drunk and could literally say anything is not a safe option, safer than going alone though but, it's just too much of a risk. He doesn't give you much choice when he says he's gonna drive you home and you're gonna be quite and let him. All those moments in which it was only him and you alone, all the amount of tension in the air there was is playing on repeat in your mind right now. What could possibly go wrong right? Nothing really went wrong before, but you also weren't drunk.
He takes you to his car, walking beside you still holding you tight. You didn't say but your stomach keeps hurting from time to time, probably from all the drinking you think. Opening the door for you he seats you in, placing his hand on your head carefully so you don't bump your head in the process.
You wait for him to come inside the car, hearts already beating fast. Don't know why but the alcohol has somehow made you more hornier and confident than before, especially him touching you played a major part it in. I mean your allowed to have a crush right, and even though you don't really want someone in your life right now you too want some, need some. How many days can you go without being touched? is two year a normal number?
"Put your seatbelts on." You were too disoriented to understand and implement, he repeats. "Oh!" You try to pull the seatbelt down, its stuck. Or maybe you're just weak. He notices you struggling. What happens next is not the first time, he does things like these often that do some unexplainable things to you. He would randomly place his hands on your shoulder in the middle of nowhere making you jump out of your skin, or rub his thumb against the back of your hand when you're having coffee with him. Play with the long strands of your hair, tangling then detangling them. Eyes contacts were definitely his thing, he's eyes would never leave yours during a conversation no matter how small or big, it made you hard to look at him and hold his gaze. These were some of those moments you couldn't get over even after trying hard.
This guy would be the cause of your death. All happens in one sudden move, he loosens his seatbelt, leaning over you extending his hand to reach the seatbelt that seemed to be really stuck, which he could have managed to pull from afar but no, he had to come close. Goosebumps from his wild eyes form on your skin when they watch you, like undressing you. Up and down and around. Biting and wetting his lips unnecessarily just to turn you on. You, on the other went stiff, for you it was like some one had pushed the pause button because every second felt so heavy, the weight of his gaze was so hard you felt your lungs crushing under the pressure. You could literally listen to your heart thumping in your ears like some one was playing a boombox on maximum volume. Afraid to take your eyes off of him, you just stare blankly at him, though that blank expression was more of a wanting one.
He knows what he's doing, the little curl on his lips showed that, and he knows the effect it has on you so he always over exaggerates everything that he does. You never stopping him is his motivation.
"Dumb girl" he mouths and secures your seatbelt. You gulp hard and release the breath you were holding in. Before you could register what had just happened, his hand was reaching for your forehead with a tissue. "You sure you good? you sweating like crazy!" poking his tongue he hands you the napkin, you pretend wipe your face, actually cursing him making you sweat like this. The ac is not broken, its his fault.
Its so fucking complicated it's like you've got this big crush which isn't even a crush anymore, and it is him who turned it into real damn feelings that you don't want. You know you're better off without him, without the feelings part. You're not ready for him. You'll never be. You know it still you always fall for him, even when you don't want to, even when you know someone's gonna get hurt in the end. It must be something that he said that got you off track. That got you thinking shit and feeling shit, you just can't ignore that anymore. A year is a long time to pretend that you absolutely do not adore Yuta. Its getting harder to pretend.
You crave him.
You need him.
You want him.
but no.
You're saying it as if he wants you too. The possibility of him falling for you is as rare as finding a galaxy in the night sky with naked eyes. Impossible. He's got high standards or maybe you're just not his type. He may play round and about but it's just a play. Not reality. And you've come to peace with that. You're not gonna try, you're not putting your heart at stake but if you do, just in case, there's no way you're gonna have your heart broken because after doing all the math and physics, the probable occurrence of this event called 'us' is zero, even after considering all the factors affecting.
There is a chance, but you wouldn't take it.
But even the greatest of the greatest laws have exceptions, don't they? Not everything can be calculated or predecided. Now who knew a day like today would come in which the drunk you would be driven home by a totally sober Yuta, and the very science that you thought was denying the possibility of you both being together is giving you an unforeseen factor that could change the whole equation, alchol. And alcohol, as we all know is a bitch.
Miserable looking you was sat on the passenger seat, hair tousled, body covered with sweat that glistened whenever light fell on it, lips dry and eyes tired. Though the heat you feel is undeniable, you try to not give in and have some sense of control over your mind that's floating in the pool of hormones mixed with alcohol right now. Pushing your hair back, you look out of the window, chasing the street lamps, counting them to keep you distracted. Clearing your mind, trying not to think anything. Not to feel anything, but the ache in the pit of your abdomen is growing with passing time. You see yuta roll down the window, his hair swiftly swaying with the breeze, what a sight to be witnessed, enough to distract you from your chosen distraction. Allowing yourself to calm down letting go of all the blood rush from before, you take a deep breath, sleep kind of taking over your body but the pain isn't allowing you to. Feeling even more uneasy, you shift a little in your seat pushing the feeling away. You try and concentrate on the moving landscapes, breathing deeply.
Yuta has been noticing you. Hes certain of what's bout to happen. He doesn't panic, he must have had the experience. He lets you take your time. Breathing helps for some time more, but doesn't prevent it. You have to throw up, "Can y- stop the car?"
In a minute, Yuta pulls over and you're out on the street seated by the footpath trying to empty your stomach. Yuta was seated by your side patiently with a water bottle in his hand, rubbing your back in sweet circular motion, and holding your hair back. "It doesn't wanna come out!"
You complain in a broken tone. "Who told you to drink that much when you can't handle it?" he says side eyeing you.
"It's hurting"
"Drink some water" And before you could, you were already throwing up. He calm you down, never once leaving your side, holding your hair back, he knows you're weak especially right now.
Cleaning up you pout, "I was feeling good"
"Now you're not, dumbass."
"Why do you always call me dumbass." you fake cry, more like dunk cry.
"Because you're too cute." He half chuckles.
"I don't wanna be cute." You snap at him. "I wanna be hot!" This makes him laugh. "And i wanna be cool and i wanna be free and i wanna be different and confident and happy and not dumb. I'm not dumb, though i like it when you call me dumb, but im not im not dumb!!"
He looks at you, amused, brows up like a puppy, smiling like a child at this new face of yours that, that he doesn't quite know how to describe it, but is adorable. "You don't talk this much when you're sober, you should drink often."
"And throw up like this every time."
"Yea maybe, it would be an our thing"
"An our thing?! Oh and i don't talk? you don't talk!"
"I don't because you don't, and i respect that."
"I- I don't? i do, i want to."
"What stops you then?" You think.
"Yuta." and you chuckle. "He makes me nervous."
His eyebrows furrowed for a second after suddenly listening to his name from your mouth. Conten and eager to know more, "Why?"
You sigh loudly, hiding your face in your hands, "It's hard to explain you know? It so fucking hard-!" by getting to the end of the sentence you actually break down into tears. Yuta sees this, suddenly extra concerned about your situation, he takes your face in his hands, cupping it, making you look at him. He has a soft expression on his face, a kind one. "hey there, don't cry, it's okay." he coos, wiping a tear away.
You sob a few times in his arms, trying to catch a breath. You don't know why and what you're saying, but it just flows out of your mouth, "I like him, i think i do, like so fuxking much. And it's sad because I don't think he likes me back, like why would he and even if he does, it's not gonna change the fact that im too fucked up to be loved."
He frowns, disappointed in you. Looking deep in your eyes, you try to hide away from him,"You're not girl. Look at me! you are capable of being loved"
"I don't think so. Even if i am, why will he ever like a girl like me!" You say blandly.
"What if he does?"
"You think he likes me?"
"All you need to do is ask."
"Why can't he!?" His hand leaves your face, wiping your fallen tears. Making you drink a little water with his hands, he slowly says, "what if he's afraid he would scare you away?"
You're tired eyes look into his bright one, searching for meanings you couldn't find. He helps you up, now that you've been feeling better than before. "Not if he holds me tight enough." Yuta doesn't reply to this rather his eyes glint, as if he was satisfied with your answer. As if he knew what to do now. He makes you seat in his care again, securing you with the seatbelt, too tired to even move your finger you let him guide you home.
Soon enough you were standing in front of your apartment, staring at the locked door and then staring at each other, "I'm sorry." you apologise because apparently, you lost the keys and no they're not with Haewon. "It's okay lets just go to my apartment." You nod your head, tip toeing behind him like a child, on the stares he lets you walk by yourself but watches out for you. In the car he gives you a bottle of electrolytes to sip on. In the lift of his apartment he practically have to carry your weight because your legs gave up walking and your brain stoped working.
_______
Wet kisses were planted down your spine, leaving a tinglish feeling behind. With every kiss your breath hitched a little more, eyes squeezed even harder. He plants a kiss at the bottom of your bare back. You arch your back, rolling your head back in pleasure. He stands up behind you, your knuckles turn whiter. He grips your hair in his fist, pushing your head back further enough to plant a small kiss on your forehead, then releasing the grip. Holding back a moan, you let a short breath out. Seeing your efforts at holding your moans back, he lands his palm flat against your clothed ass making you fall ahead on the counter. Smacking it hard again, making you yelp in pleasure, the sound echoes in his small bathroom. "Let me hear that sweet voice of yours baby." His voice calling you baby makes you dizzy, a whine leaves your lips without your permission, but on his command. Anything he wants you would do. Rubbing and groping your ass cheek he pulls you a little up by your hair, making you stand straight. He bites and nips at your earlobe. With his one hand squeezing your ass and his lips occupied by your ear, his other hands creeps it's way in front of you, dipping lower and lower until it cups your pussy, applying only slight pressure on your throbbing, untouched clit with his middle finger, just enough to take you over the edge. His hand is so big. He taps it, feather touches only. Once, twice and he continues slowly with long intervals in between the taps, leaving maroon marks on your shoulder. He only plays with you to make you wetter so you could take his dick, he's not letting you cum just yet, you deserve more, you deserve his dick and you deserve a grand climax, because you're his. Without much efforts he pushes you flat against the counter top, carefully though, he doesn't wanna hurt you. Delivering you pleasure is his only motive, and he does just that when he pulls your underwear down enough to expose your ass to him. You wiggle it a little in anticipation, and he gives in to your plea, after all it would be his pleasure to serve you. He greets you with a spank. And then another spank followed by intervals of him easing the pain and rubbing your ass cheeks untill you voice came out louder than the sound of his hand meeting your flesh. And in a blink of an eye your panty was slid all the way down and his thick girthy cock was being shoved in your already dripping aching hole. He was showing no mercy, fucking in and out of you at a demonic pace, looking like an angel! His long hair covering his face, slick because of sweat. He yanked you up with your hair causing you to scream out, still slamming in and out of you, this angle enabling him to go deeper. Sinfull voices getting louder and louder with every thrust, you hear him say your name, "y/n!" He sounds concerned. Furrowing your brows, "Yuta, don't stop!!" you whine as he slows down his pace.
Another loud call of your name forces you awake from your dream, panting heavily you adjust your vision to the lighting in the room. The first thing you see is Yutas face, concerned. Seeing him in your bedroom starled you, you hastily move back in defence, "what are you doing here" You question him in hoarse voice, your throat dry.
"It's my bedroom and you called my name. " he hands you a glass full of water, sitting by the bedside. That's when you realise the change in the intensity of light and the unfamiliarity of the duvet. Embarrassed, that you just dreamt of the guy sitting in front of you, you thank him for the water. You try to play the events of last night that might have led to this, nothing comes to your head. Its all a blank. You mind curse yourself, head hurting a little probably because of hangover. The second thing you notice is that the cloths you wore weren't yours, it was one of his black tshirts, as he owns many, and before you could look at him with an unquestionable question, "You were sober enough to change, I didn't." He answers. You relax your shoulders, sighing.
Just the very presence of him makes your head go into a never ending spiral. It was embarrassing looking like shit in front of him. You called my name, what the fuck. "Your head must be hurting?"
"Not really, I just need to take a shower." You say shaking your head confirming that you are alright.
He gets up.
You don't know what you did last night with him, or said but it feels like you pretty much fucked up in every way possible. You don't even know if the whole session was just a dream or you both actually really did something. You watch him uncover the curtains and opening the window so some fresh air could come in. He opens his cupboard taking out some pills, keeps them on the side table for you. Too busy thinking, you didn't hear whatever he said and watch him exit the room keeping a black tee on the chair.
whatever the fuck happened last night.
Taking the pills you went for a quick shower, wearing again one of his tshirt. Going in the another room, he already prepared lunch for you. You take the spoon in your hand, and it's some kind of soup. You smell it, the aroma filling you up. "You're not eating?"
"I am." he says sitting down beside you. You never knew he could cook, such a dream boy. You dip the spoon and circle it around in the bowl feeling anxious. "You talked quite a lot last night, you kno-" he bantered eyeing up playing with the spoon. Without a second thought you interjected, "What exactly did i say?" not looking at him.
"We have a lot of time to discuss that in detail, right now focus on eating." he poked, smirking. "Just tell if i said something offensive or you know, stupid I won't stay for long." Finally taking a sip of the soup while it's still hot. "Look outside, its raining." he says moving his head towards the window wanting you to look out. It indeed is raining, which means you will have to stay. 
"So now that you're staying, why not have some fun? You play video games?" he asked cheerfully.
"No." you deadpanned.
"I knew, we'll watch a movie then." You look at him blond eyes, he's goofing around again.
He made popcorns, everything was set in front of his decent sized tv. It was like he was being extra cautious about everything, thinking twice before saying or doing anything. You on the other hand were embarrassed and awkward as hell. God only knows what beans you spilled last night, the possible things you could have that are coming to your brains are extreme. Plus he's not even telling.
He kept a decent distance between you two when he sat down on his small sofa, it was a small sofa so the decent amount means close enough to feel him right next to you. The movie was playing but neither of you were paying any attention to it. If it wasn't for the presence of the other, you could have both said the rain was distracting. Already tired and even more tired after forcing yourself to concentrate on the movie when exactly you dozed off to wonderland you didn't remember. One loud roar of thunder startled you back to life, "It's okey, just a thunder, go back to sleep." His words come in a low register, whispered close to your ear his hot breath almost tingling. You shift comfortably on what felt like a lap, shooting your eyes open you realised the position you were in and quickly sat up murmuring sorrys and fucks while trying to hide yourself, "When did i sleep!?" you mumbled, rubbing your eye, in order to avoid his.
"Sleep again you look tired." he pointed out looking at you. As if it wasn't awkward enough already for you to sleep in his goddamn lap. You shake your head, "No its good." You grin at him. His eyes never leave your frame. You shift to the left putting as much distance possible in between. He notices it. "Do I make you nervous?" 
 fuck yes.
It was like the oxygen was taken away from you. You tried breathing but it was useless. So this is one of the manys of what happened last night. "I said that?" He looks at you, nodding his head lights. "And they say one doesn't lie when there drunk." raising an eyebrow. Pressing your lips together you turn your head to the tv, "Let's not talk abo-" he didn't let you finish, "Answer me." He turns off the tv causing you to frown, "Answer!" You roll your eyes looking away again, it's hard maintaining eye contact right now. "What do you wanna hear?" 
"Truth."
You look at him. For a minute nothing was spoken. You looked at him and he looked at you. And that was that. Many of the hardest one minutes of your life. You sigh out in defeat, giving up the eye game, he sits straight. "What else did i say last night?" 
"Just that." 
You laugh, "That can't possibly be true." 
"Then you already know what you might have said last night." Wetting your lips, looking out of the windows, rain pouring harder by every passing hour, things getting more and more awkward. You could either tell him everything, and expect him to not act on it and be awkward Or you can just ask him to pretend last night never happened and let everything be awkward for the rest of the lives, because theres no way things are going back to normal, as if they ever were. 
Clicking your tongue, "Will you drink hot chocolate?" The only way to avoid a conversation is a hot chocolate. It works most of the times. All you wanted to do was escape his vicinity.
You stand by the window in his small kitchen, rain drizzles over your face as it falls down, rainy seasons are gloomy, you think. Cold air rushes in leaving you cold and shivering, alone, in the middle of the darkness in this room with your thoughts which are way too louder than your capacity to hear. You don't know why but him knowing how you feel about him just complicates everything by a thousand fold. And what if he wants to be with you? What will you do then? Yes you like him but, you can't risk being in a relationship again. You've already lied to yourself everyday by believing that you'll not love him, but now you do. And the fact that last night will fuxk everything up between you two is saddening because you are going to say no and he will not be very appreciative.
If; he likes you back. 
You feel his presence behind you. Not too close but not too far. You call out his name, he confirms. After a moment you speak, "Yes you make me nervous." trying to speak loud and clear but you voice only manages to come out in whispers. You hear him cackle. "I know." His deep voice goes straight down to your core, leaving you weak in your knees, he's standing just behind you. You feel his breath on your ear making you hold your breath, not moving even one inch. How desperately you want his hands on you and how badly he wants to sqeeze you in his arms and tell you everything he's been keeping inside for so long. Only if you knew. Only if you saw his face right now, looked into his eyes. You would know he wants you too, he always has. Since the day he saw you on your first day he craved you. Every day being by your side wasn't enough but oh he was just so scared to lose you after being told everything you've been through by your batchmates. He figured your past won't allow you to. So he kept quite. Falling in love with you everytime you looked at him, everytime you smiled at himz shyed away from him. He fell in love with the way you lived and laughed and cried. Just like you fell for him. 
"Take a chance with me?" he spoke lowly, carefully. You turned around, facing him. Shaking your head no caused the tears to fall down that were building in your eyes. You kept shaking you head moving back untill your back touched wall. You sobbed, no you were practically crying like a child in front of him only it was on mute. He approaches you coming closer and closer it was like you lost your mind and your senses gave up on working. "I can't" you managed to speak aloud.
"Why?" he asks trying to stop your crying at the same time. Holding you by shoulders, gently stroking up and down, calming. "You don't know what happened." 
He lifts your tear stained face up by his fingers, making you look at him, "I'm willing to know." he pushes further, caging you between him and the wall. "And if I don't understand, make me!" it's hard to understand the expression on his face. He's sad but, he's also angry. And frustrated and hurt but at the same time, gentle and understanding and concerned. Hands moving to cup your face, "You want me to confess first right? I love you okay? I have ever since god know when. And i know you do too so why the fuck can't you just let go and let me!?" The last part he says through greeted teeth while punching the wall behind you, you jump out in fear, "Fuck Im sorry." he apologizes under his breath, realising he's being to harsh.
He moves in closer, connecting his forehead with yours, "I'm sorry." he breathes out heavily, he's crying. He's hurting. "I can't help but think of what we could be." You open your eyes to look at him, tilting your face up a little, closing in the gap even more. His eyes are tight shut. "I can't help but think about you." He opens his eyes to look into your dark ones, getting lost. You both breathe heavily, hearts beating at the same pace, passion shooting through your veins. He closes the inches left in between you too, both of you close your eyes, nose touching, breathing in the air only the other can provide. His lips linger close to yours, quivering, afraid to harm you. Afraid to scare you. Chest heaving up and down in synchrony, lips ready melt into each other, only a moment apart, only a touch apart, still apart.
He draws a sharp breath in moving away but only slightly. You look down, the tension in the air is so heavy it could crush your weight under it. Tears still falling down like a waterfall.
 "Please don't say no." he speaks in the quietness. You shook your head again, whispering "Don't cry." 
He wiped it as quickly as it fell. "I'm sorry" you say, trying to move past him, but he stops you holding your hand, making you turn around. Gripping you face with only one hand he crashes his lips on yours, you pause. You didn't try pulling away, not because his grip was too tight but you didn't wanted to. When you moved your lips, he moved his. He held you by your waist with his other arm. Making you dizzy, holding you close you could feel his beating heart against your chest. Head tilted to deepen the kiss, body crushing into each other like planets colliding, teeth clashing like two swords in a battlefield, hands roaming the bodies freely, holding on to each other like you were to lose them the very next second. He could taste your tears in his mouth. He could taste his life. It was beautiful, it was perfect. In that moment you felt you could let go of everything that was holding you back, you past didn't matter in that moment. You saw one chance, one possibility. 
Struggling to stand straight, he walks your over to the counter never leaving your lips. He slows it down, letting you breathe. Softly sucking your swollen lips. He takes your lower lip between his teeth, he bites it so hard you whince in pain, which only makes him lower his hands and squeeze your butt, pulling you lower body to meet his, grinding into each other, desperate for each other, not getting enough and wanting more and more. The visible bulge in his bottoms evidently hit the right spots, making you lose control, making you go wild and grind yourself into him too. The height difference makes it so much easier like his body was made keeping you in mind so you both could fit each other perfectly. His hands travel north, tangling your hair and pulling them down, which makes your head go back, exposing your neck to him. His lips leave yours, sucking in a new space found, leaving deep red marks, marking you as his.
It took one single thought to pull you out of it, again. You try to push him away, struggling at first, he backs off, and the moment he does you leave, "So you're going to ignore me now?" he says panting, making you stop and turn back. He looks at the red mark on your neck that he created. He chuckles, "Thats the plan? huh? Ain't gonna work." you're hurting him you know it. You turn around to leave, "You're gonna come back."
And you leave.
You just leave. 
And like that, 5 months pass. The day turns into night and night into day, you go to college and come back home then go to college again. You see him every day and he sees you everyday and like strangers you cross paths. He started a new job, you heard. You started having panic attacks, he heard.
Sit and stare out of the window, thinking of all that you could have done differently. You thought not being with him or anybody would make things alright. Being alone would make your head clear and a little less messed up and then maybe you can go out date freely without having to be afraid of what might go wrong. But it seems like it all backfired on you. Now you have one more thing to forget, one more thing to carry everyday.
You thought you would get better, but little did you know it was him who was making you better. You thought you would get over him but you really do love him. You can't get him out of your head and he's gone, you fucked it all up. You broke his heart which ended up breaking you too.
Sitting on the couch in the parties is the only thing you've been doing lately. How long can someone pretend that they're okay? A month? A year? You've been doing it since your childhood. You're tired of pretending and tired of hoping that it's all gonna get better. You can't even pretend anymore to be honest, it's evident you do that you miss him. You've been sitting here for 3 hours, just sitting not drinking. What if you get drunk? Who's gonna drive you home you have no one. He's here too. Not drinking. Not looking at you, not thinking about you, rather having fun actually. he moved on?
Why wouldn't he, why shouldn't he? It wasn't his fault. You're the only one to blame. He cried, he begged you to stay to not say no, but you didn't listen to him. Why should he wait on someone like you. You push all your hair to one side letting them cover your face in an attempt to hide from Yuta, you can't help but watch him closely, laughing and talking and everything, he's faking it. You know him this much to know which smiles he is faking. And suddenly he is looking at you. Earnestly. 4 minutes of intense gaze and then you give up. Breathing already uneven and your palm is sweating, you know what's gonna come. You throw your head back to rest on the sofa and stare blankly at the ceiling.
I shouldn't have said no.
I should have stayed.
Why did I do it.
I knew you i wrong.
I broke his heart.
It's all my fault.
Something is really wrong with me.
I made him cry.
He really loved me, how could you!
"Fuck."
The walls were closing in on you. It was going dark before your eyes, you couldn't shut your brain up. It was like you were trying to breathe but couldn't like someone evacuated your lungs out of oxygen or maybe there wasn't any oxygen left in the air to breathe. Head was hurting like someone was constructing a fucking road on it. You were panicking, heart beating at an abnormally high rate, sweat collecting at the low of your back. You lose complete sense of the surroundings. You try to get up but can't, so you just sit there on the sofa in the middle of a crowded room, trying to breath, with your head down to your knees. The music and the people get too loud, it felt like they were screaming your name you shut your eyes and cover your ears with your hands, just praying this would pass away soon.
A jacket was thrown over you, over your head. He was rubbing your back up and down, in an attempt to soothe you. He makes you shift from the position you were in to a position where your head was down on his knees, and his jacket still covering your face. His hand creeps under the jacket to caress your hair and he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, trying to make you focus on him, and on his voice.
You start crying in his lap, under his touch listening his voice after so many days, you missed him. His heart aches seeing you like this, watching you deteriorating day by day. He hated that he couldn't do anything, couldn't help you through it but he knew better. He knew nothing he could have said or done would have made you realise that running away was not an option, you have to face it, face your past and get over it, let go. And let love. Because what is love is not a risk? what is love if not taking a shot in the dark? what is love if not a mere chance? what is love if not a distinct possibility? Him trying would have just made you push him away even more! He wouldn't let that happen, so he waited on love. He waited on you. . He calls your name, twice "listen to my voice okay? It's okay, you're okay! Just try to breathe." You nod your head, the tears disappearing in the fabric of his jeans. "Let's go out okay?" He asks, after five minutes or so he walks you out of the room. Breathing the fresh night air somehow calms your nerves but you're still hyperventilating. He makes you side on the boundary wall that's pretty low. Your still a mess, eyes watering and breaths hitch you murmur small sorrys to him. The crying is just making it all worse, he noticed. Taking your face in his hands making you look straight into his eyes, "Breathe in." he asks you to and you do "hold." you hold your breath. "Release." you let go. At first it was hard but with his help you gained control again.
"I'm so sorry Yuta, i was i was trying to protec- protect you. I didn't wanted to hurt you i swear on my life." You sob. He nods, coming face to face "I know, you did your best."
"But I made you cry."
"because i couldn't see you hurting, also you left but i knew you were gonna come back."
"I tried that day, i wanted to stay i wanted to be with you but i couldn't i just couldn't bring myself up to believe that i was deserving to hold you. I-
I didn't deserve you, i still- "
"Don't complete that sentence or I'm gonna be real mad at you."
"no listen to me i don't have anything to give you I'm just I'm a messed up piece of shit i would've just wasted your time and energy."
"Well then you're my messed up piece of shit, whom i get to take care of because i want nothing but only you. And i totally wanna waste my time with you."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be, Its all good now"
You took a deep breath. Nothing is gonna change the fact that you hurt him, but he was wise enough to know you weren't intentionally trying to. Love. "I don't know what else to say but i love you"
"And that's more than enough babe."
"Ba-be?"
"I've been dying to call you that you know?"
"Why are you so good to me?" He just shrugs and ruffles your hair. "Wanna complete watching that movie together?" You sigh in relief nodding your head a big yes.
You thought he was taking you to watch a movie, but it was a whole different scene the moment you entered his apartment. He changed the lights. They are a warm shade of yellow now. He did put the movie on, but you weren't paying any attention to it. Your head was hurting because of the sudden attack you had at the party, so he insisted on sleeping instead. 
You tried sleeping, but the smell of his perfume on the bed kept you awake. makes you reckless. made your thoughts run wild. You remember how it felt the last time you were here, in his apartment. The tension, the dream, the heat, the kiss. Not the fighting part of the whole situation, but the part where you were wholly in love with him. The part where you wanted to take a chance The part where you wanted to give him your all. 
Feeling too overdriven by your train of thoughts, you get out of bed. You follow the noise that was coming from the kitchen to find Yuta making something. "What are you doing at this hour of the night?" You speak softly, standing by the door frame. He looks at you unfazed. "I assumed you were sleeping," I said. "The bedsheets smell like you." You walk behind him slowly, his eyes following your every step. "Quite distracting." 
"If you weren't drunk enough the last time you were here." 
"Then I wouldn't have been here." 
"Fact," he says, nodding."Try it," he says, handing you the cup. He emptied whatever he was making, tea. "Since when did you start drinking tea?" you question, placing the cup down, trying to sit on the counter. He helps you jump. "Since hot chocolate started reminding me of you." 
"I'm sorry," you whisper quietly. 
"You don't have to do it, and you shouldn't waste your time!" He scolds you, taking the empty cup from your hands and placing it in the sink. "I'll say it as long as I need to." 
"Useless "
Then how can I make it up to you? You can only tell. " 
"Endless ways I can think of right now." There was a sudden change in the way he spoke. The hoarseness in his voice lingered in the air and warmth creeped into his eyes. The coldness in the air was replaced by this heavy heat of want that was engulfing you and him alive. "Like?" 
Keeping your voice at a hearable volume, you make space between your legs by separating them, which was taken by him the very next second, "like finishing what we started." " You know what's coming next." The movie? " You put on the most innocent face you ever had in your life, looking him directly in the eyes, playing with him like he plays with you. "Now now, what a disappointment you are," he says while tapping your cheek with his index finger. Biting your lower lip, you say, "Someone used to call me dumb..." 
"You're playing the wrong game, babe." He warns, tracing your jaw line and down your neck. He then lines your clavicle up and down, "You're gonna lose." He takes both his hands behind your back, pulling you closer with a jerk. His face was only inches away now, his lower body already in contact. You could feel him hardening against your pussy. He was this close. 
"What if I want to lose?" You answer, your voice barely above a whisper, the taste of the tea still in your mouth, sweet, but you want his taste now. He chuckles lowly, his lips brushing against yours as he speaks, his voice firm and demanding, unlike yours. "Well then, wait for me in the bedroom." 
It was new and exciting to get to see this side of him. Unlike his normal caring and soft self, this Yuta knew what he wanted. He is precious and just, and he needs no explanation for anything he does. "Oh and babe, undies off but keep my t-shirt on." You follow his command, going straight to the bedroom and removing your underwear and tossing it aside. 
You wait in anticipation, but don't quite know what to do. You were pacing around the room like a mouse chased by a cat. Butterflies in your stomach won't quiet down. The mere thought of what might happen causes goosebumps on your skin.Sitting at the edge of the bed, you check the time. It's 12:30 in the morning and that's when he enters. 
All of them changed. His demeanour was that of a wolf out on a hunt. And you were his prey. He shut the door behind him. His eyes were darker and his skin appeared a little bit colder than before. It's not like there's a third person but. You get up on your feet and just stand there in the middle of the room, a thousand thoughts in your mind playing every possible scenario that could happen. He drags a chair by its arm, situating it just in front of you, and sits down on it like a king. 
"Come ahead!" he orders. You start walking in an instant, almost tripping. His voice alone makes your insides curl and your pussy clench around nothing. Wetness is leaking down. 
"You really want to go down this road?" Changing his expression suddenly, his eyes glistened with a golden tint, probably because of the light coming in from the window. You try to play along, "Aren't we already down?" He smiles. "You can stop me anytime you don't feel comfortable, okay?" You nod, melting into his softness. How can this person do it? switching between personalities in mere seconds. 
"I doubt I'll stop you." You push a strand of your hair behind your ear, getting a little closer so your legs touch the chair. His legs were separated, and you were in the middle. The only source of light in the room was the street light, perfectly lighting up his face and your body. He lifts an eyebrow at what you just said, sitting upright in his chair. "Confident much? I like that. It won't be for too long though. " You shiver when his hands rub your outer thigh. He was waiting for a reply from you, but he was correct. The moment his hands touched your bare skin, all the confidence you were mustering up to talk back was thrown out of the window. His hands travel south and leave your skin hot, high, and dry. 
You gasp at the loss of contact. Being touched by someone, by him after so many years, you don't think you can last in this game for even a minute. 
"Let's begin, shall we?" 
You manage an "uhhm..." as you brace yourself for whatever he's about to do. He relaxes in his chair. With his eyebrows lifting up and down, he asks you to sit on the bed with a simple but powerful command. "Sit." 
You sit at the edge of the bed, your legs shut tight, your hands sweaty, and your mouth dry. 
"Let me see you." You didn't quite hear him, but you heard him. It was just so shockingly sudden. 
"Huh?" you stutter under his strong gaze. 
"Lost already." He deadpanned. He was mocking you, and he knows it's affected you. "Spread your legs, sweetheart." 
On his command, your agape mouth was shut, your legs already following his order, deciding to move on their own as your mind had given up on thinking ages ago. 
The show hasn't even started yet, and he's enjoying himself watching your timidity in every move you make. "No, actually, shift a little back. Make yourself comfortable." He gets up and shifts his chair forward as you move back on the bed. He got a glimpse of your core while you were shifting. You know he did because you saw the expression change on his face. Right there in that split second, you saw him almost lose and regain his composure.
Not letting him speak again, you spread your legs wide and open. The loose t-shirt that was covering you shifts up automatically, leaving you uncovered for him to devour you with his eyes alone. You looked at him and he looked at your core, shamelessly. This somehow gave you some kind of power over him. He is too weak for you. He curses under his breath, closing his eyes and breathing deeply but fast. 
The moment he opened his eyes and met yours, your soul definitely left your body. Your breath hitched, and you tried to look away from him, but his gaze was so hard it locked yours. You couldn't. "Touch yourself." You clench at his words, and he sees that. 
"Be more specific." That was bold of you to say that. He almost choked on your words. You may be the shy girl who is affected by small things, but you are also a freak. Although you do want to lose, you'd still give it your best shot. 
He poked his tongue under his cheek, nodding his head in approval of your regained confidence. "Touch your clit with only one finger and don't move it." 
Very precise. You do as he says. There is only one finger on your clit, and there is no movement at all. 
"Tap it." You do, lifting your finger up and keeping it gently on your throbbing clit. You clench again the moment your fingers touch, gasping out silently. "Keep on doing it until I say stop." He bites his lower lip as he watches you enjoy yourself at his command. The fact that you were doing it while he was watching you with his sinful gaze has already got you gripping the sheets and curling your toes. 
You do it slowly, sensually, watching him watch you. He's affected in ways he can't explain and in ways you can't fathom. Feeling good, you take your lower lip between your teeth and close your eyes. You get more comfortable as you fully submit to the task you were given. You let your head hang freely, trying to be more vocal, but letting out soft whimpers only. You didn't want to give him too much just yet. 
"Stop." 
You hiss at him. Drawing in a sharp breath, you bite your lip harshly in agression, not wanting to stop but stopping anyway. You look forward to him, his dilated pupils eyeing you like a scavenger, making you light-headed. "Enjoying yourself too much?" 
You nod slowly, your gaze never leaving his, and it drives him insane. 
Warmth creeps beneath your skin when he gets up from his chair and motions for you to come forward. You get on your knees, the t-shirt covers you again and you crawl to him to the edge of the bed to where he was standing. Sitting on your heels, you watch him loosen his belt. Then he undoes the waist button and unzips his pants. He slides them down, revealing white boxers and his untamed bulge, which he somehow managed to keep inside and hidden. 
You're dizzy by just imagining the size of him. You're unsure of what to do. Should you help him undress himself or should you just sit back and anticipate? Like a lost child, you wait for him to tell you. He asks a question instead. "I suppose you don't know how to give a blow job." Feeling belittled, you shook your head, looking up at him, "perfect." He compliments.
He slid the boxers down, his hard, thick and girthy dixk slapping against his abdomen, now free of any restrictions, standing tall and proud in front of you. You were too busy focusing on his perfection that you failed to keep up. He had already removed his shirt, and was now standing completely naked in front of you for the very first time. It's nerve awakening.
That is when you actually felt the gravity of the situation. It wasn't just some game you were playing; it was actually happening. You and he were actually happening. You fucking confessed to him yesterday! Yuta thought he was going to be angry and not talk to you at all because you broke his heart, but it's the complete opposite situation, he just couldn't be angry at you. Yuta knows better, good for you. He loves you. You love him and all your dreams about him were about to come true, he was going to make you his. 
"Fuck!" You didn't mean to say that out loud.
"Like what you see? I bet you dreamt about me. " It was like you were hypnotised by him or you lost control of yourself. It was like you were high on some drug. Or maybe you were high on him because you weren't thinking before nodding your head when he asked you that question. 
"What was I doing in them?" He takes his cock in his hands and starts palming it. You swear you saw it grow even bigger in size, as if it already wasn't. Too astonished to see the action just inches away from your eyes, you answer, "You were fucking me raw. From behind." You look up and gulp, "And you were spanking me, pulling my hair, kissing me, and marking me yours," you say in a small voice, so shameless, so pure.
"Get up on your knees." You do, inching yourself closer to him; he's still stroking his length in between. You look down, a new angle to admire him. You place your hand on his, your hand moving up and down his shaft with his. He slows down. "Want me to do all those things for you? Want me to touch you? " You looked up, mouth parted and eyes glistening to meet his dark ones. "Want me to pull your hair? want me to kiss you? fuxk you?" 
You nod frantically consumed by your arousal, his voice travelling straight to your untouched, unlooked, un-taken-careof core, your wetness literally sliding down your thigh. It's hurtful. 
"Oh baby, don't be that cute or I'll just have to fuck you right now." He says this restlessly before connecting his lips with yours. You let out a sigh of relief before giving into him. It was kind of the first physical contact he made after getting in this room, which has been nothing but hard for him to keep his hands away from you. He deepens the kiss. Tilting your face to the left, he locks his fingers in your hair, pulling them. The kiss was sloppy and messed up and just perfect, laced with desire and lust in every bit of it. Your tongues collided, your teeth clashed; you both just couldn't get enough of each other. Your hands rested on his neck, gripping tightly for support. He bites your lower lip making you gasp, then sucks it like candy. 
You reciprocate his every move. You try to, but you are getting out of breath. His hands travel down your back, lifting the t-shirt up and gripping your ass, squeezing it hard. You say his name aloud, breaking the kiss, "Yuta!" Your forehead rested on his shoulder while he kissed and nipped at your ear while kneading you, "Yes baby, you like it?" You hum in response, lifting your head up and looking at him, holding him close. "Rub your clit for me, baby." 
You bite your lower lip, lowering your hands and legs, your gaze never leaving his. You rub yourself up and down and in circles. He can't really see, but he knows. It makes his dick twitch. You let out a loud, breathy, dragged out moan, setting up a pace, "mhmmm shit."
He mimics that moan, his eyes burning with desire and lust. "Mhmmm shit... Nice and slow, yea baby, so good for me." You let out another breathy moan, closing your eyes but quietly this time, not wanting him to mock you again. 
His finger was placed on yours, on the one that was rubbing circles on your clit. You jump, in shock or excitement, you don't know. Your brain seizes the movement of your finger completely, "Why did you stop?" he takes over. His fingers move up and down, making yours move as well. Resting his forehead on yours, he continues to play with you, making you whimper with every flick. 
He moves your hands aside, your face contouring in pleasure when his fingers touch you, bare and raw, with nothing in between. There were chills running down your lower back, your stomach tightening with the pleasure he was delivering. Slowing down a little, he collects your wetness in his fingers, bringing it to your mouth to suck on it. You lick it first, then swirl your tongue around it, and then take it in completely, sucking like a lollipop. 
You kiss him with your flavour in your mouth. His hands find their way back between your legs, rubbing your clit, up and down and sideways, the wetness making his movements sloppy, his fingers gliding frictionless on your sweet swollen nub. His finger circles your opening before carefully dipping it inside of you. You purr in his ear while his lips ghost over the exposed skin of your neck. His breath hits you every time he exhales, absolutely burning your skin to a hot red. You clench around his finger, not letting it escape. Well, you finally have something to clench around this time. He stays inside of you for awhile. 
"Rub yourself again." And in no time, you're following his words, bringing your right hand to circle your clit. Now desperate to release, you don't go for slow motion but rather set a high pace. 
"Slow it down." 
You might be in disagreement looking at him but he gives you one look and you're slowing your fingers down. He pulls his finger out just to push it in again, and again, and again. You try to match your movements with his, setting a slow rhythm. You go up every time he pushes in, and that's how he drives you to your first orgasm of the night.
You've been at the edge for so long, you're coming undone with only one finger. You stop circling yourself and hold him to keep yourself up while his fingers are still working you up, slow and steady, riding you through it and pushing you into the beginning of the next one. 
His finger was buried up to his knucles, deep in you. He places his palm flat against your mound. You press into his touch. Moving your hips to grind into his hand, breathing harshly, he supports your body and whispers praises in your ear about how good you are and the amazing job you're doing. Just when you thought you could cum again, he makes you stop and removes his hand from between your legs. 
Licking his finger clean, he asks you to get on your hands and knees, "face down ass up, fast!" he said while pumping himself. The site of his hardened veiny dick was hard to look at. It was begging for your attention, but you weren't really confident with that. Instead of following his order, you stare at him palming himself. You look at him with a question written in your eyes. He understands what you're asking for but doesn't really acknowledge it. "Please." You kneel in front of him. He rolls his eyes, but gives you a look of content. 
"My girl wants a taste." 
You smile when he calls you his girl, "Yes. Your girl wants a taste." emphasis on the, "your girl." 
When you bring your face closer and look up at him, ready to take him in, he curses under his breath, holding your head in place with his hands clenching your hair in a fist, in the softest manner. "Open your mouth." You do, also giving a little extra you stick your tongue out for him.
He places the tip of his dick on your tongue, gently sliding it in against the surface. You close your lips around it. He slides further deep into your mouth, controlling himself to not push in too deep. Very slowly, he draws it out, leaving you empty and wanting more of him. He lets you take a taste, though. Slithering against your tongue in swift motions.
You swirl your tongue around his tip, which is already leaking. You try to take him deeper but his grip won't let you he only fucks his tip in. Finally bringing up the courage to take him into your small hands, you wrap your hand around the base of it, applying slight pleasure, moving your hand up and down his shaft. 
"Just like that." His voice boosts your confidence. He lets you play with him with your innocent little hands which are like a tease to him, until he can't take it anymore. Seeing you determined, his grip on your hair tightens and with his other hand, he moves your hands aside. He yanks your head back. "Open wider" He growls, as you do. And he slams his cock deeper than before. The sounds you produce are embarrassing. He goes deeper, causing you to gag, your heartbeat fastening even more all of a sudden. You mumble protest, telling him to remove himself and wrap your hand around his wrist, taking a hold of it. He withdraws himself, you cough a little, breathing deeply, then open your mouth again to take him in. He grins, "Now that's my baby!" tightening his fist around your hair and pulling your head a little more up. 
He slides his dick down again, slowly and gently going deeper. He wasn't even going deep to be honest; he was just at the brim, yet your mouth was full of him. Hair messed up and eyes watery, swollen lips wrapped around his girthy member, saliva trailing down your neck, only acting as a lubricant. When he finally siezes his dick after seeing your tousled state and didn't want to cum just yet, you try to regain your breath. Holding your hair back, not pulling anymore, rather soothing your nerves down. Wiping a tear away, he devours your glistening lips with his, not taking any time to deepen it. Pushing you down on the bed, he hovers over you, keeping his knee in between your legs, very very close to your aching to be touched core. His lips leave yours, connecting to your still aching jaw. He leaves a warm wet trail of kisses down your neck and everywhere in between. Sloppy kisses were placed along your clavicle, purposely sucking and leaving red marks around, making you hiss in pain and take his name. 
His hands roam up and down your body, making sure there isn't a single inch left to be touched and explored by him. His hand stretched the tee you were wearing, revealing only the upper part of your breast. He kitten licks the area, then bites the flesh and soothes it with a kiss, making every part of your body his, messed up, burning hot and so beautiful. 
His lips go south, taking your hardened nipple in his mouth and sucking on it through the thin fabric of the tee. While playing with the other, Your lower body automatically starts grinding on his knee, trying to obtain some friction, but it seems to be not working, but you swear the amount of heat dissipating from just the mere contact was enough to melt gold and silver. 
He is too intoxicated just by the way you feel against his lips. He brings himself back to reality to perform the second main job. He gets off the bed only to sink down on his knees in front of you. His face only a few licks away from your heat, you move closer to his mouth. He separates your legs further away, only able to look at you in full bloom this once. Drunk already, he dives in for a sip, and he is not disappointed. A long lick from the bottom of your warmth till up to your clitoris got your toes curling. While he laps at your juices, you curse his name a hundred times. He flicks your clit with his tongue, then sinks it as deep as it can go into you while nuzzling his nose to brush against your clit, it's a perfect blend to which he adds his fingers, the middle one he pushes in first. Out he comes to push it in 2 knuckles deep and then finally sink it deeper, curling it inside, making you roll your eyes back in pure bliss. You're feeling extremely. He adds another finger. That hurts a little but is soon replaced with pleasure. He works you up to your second orgasm, but doesn't let you cum just yet. 
His hands leave your body at once, and you hold back a moan, trying not to sound desperate. His figure walks across the room where he must have kept his wallet. 
You hear a wrapper being torn, goosebumps crawl up on your skin. He takes no time to return. "Make room for me." He gets on the bed, splitting your legs wider. He lets you rest in a comfortable position, keeping a pillow under your head. He drags his fingers between your folds, collecting your juices and spreading them on his member. You look up at the ceiling, aftain, excited, impatient. The yellow lights are forming abstract patterns on the wall. You feel his tip at your entrance, and soon he pushes it in with optimum pressure. You contract your muscles and your eyes shut tightly at the feeling. It's one of pain and fear and not pleasure. "Yuta, it hurts." You breathe out and call his name, your hands trying to grab his shoulders. He pushes in further, rather slowly this time while towering over you and coming face to-face, "Good." 
You lift your hips up a little to ease out the passage, and he bottoms out. He stays like that for a minute. No words were exchanged, just the feelings being felt. His breaths are uneven matching with yours. He connects your foreheads together. You don't know if his eyes are closed or open. They're closed. You inhale him in as he exhales you. 
"Fuck," he growls just before abruptly slamming into you, "Fuck." 
And then it continues, and it hurts no more. He's fucking you hard and slow, going deep and deeper. Making you cry out every time he hits that spot. His voice is husky and low, sending shivers dancing up and down your body. You whimper under him. Your sounds, mixed with the slickness of your bodies crashing into each other, were playing on repeat; warmth and lust in the shade of red were decorating the room, and the orange glitched tint was illuminating the perfect parts of him and you. 
He goes from a painfully slow to a pleasurably fast pace, no mercy he was showing, abusing your little cunt with his big thick dick, driving all the pleasure out for himself as he should, while giving you exactly what you wanted. So good. It feels so good to finally have him inside you, using you, destroying you to only mend you as whole, as his. 
He's fucks you so right.
He lifts his body up a little, supported by his hands over you, looking at your contoured face. He slaps your cheek playfully in an attempt to get you to open your eyes and look at him while he fuxks the shit out of you. He grabs your hands and pins them behind your head. Oh, he knows you are going to come, but it doesn't make him stop or slow down. He continues fuxking you harder and harder until you come undone under him. Your body convulses. Waves of pleasure travel through your nerves, hitting your brain. Your vision go black and, for a brief moment, you lose complete sense of reality, being in a state of complete euphoria. You've never had an orgasm like this before.
And the best part of it all is that he doesn't stop. 
He's drilling in and out of you at a monsteric pace. Your body writhes under him, trying to squirm its way out of his grip, but all these go in vain when his fingers wrap around your dainty neck, applying only the right amount of pressure to hold you down and keep your body fixed in its place. 
When he loses control, his merciless pace becomes even more merciless, banging his head hard, fast, and deep all at once. His thrusts became sloppy and rushed. Chasing after his high, he goes feral. You watch him clench his jaw in pleasure, the sweat rolling down making his hair stick to his skin, his low grunts and humming sound. He's trying to contain himself. What a sight. It makes you want to cum again. 
The pleasure starts building at the pit of your stomach again. You wrap both your hands around his hand, the one that was choking you, while rocking your hips back and forth, trying to match him, looking into his eyes, speaking with an unspoken language. 
And that's how he fuckls you into believing that you are enough, for him and for yourself. That you are capable of being loved and taken care of. That even if you're messy and stupid and dumb, you're still perfect. That you can let go and you can trust. That you can be.
Be his.
And then he explodes inside of you. He couldn't be more grateful, couldn't be more precise in saying that his wait was worth it. You were worth it. He rubs you into your third orgasm. And after that, nothing was like it was before. 
All of you changed. 
All of you changed when he kissed you and told you that he loved you so much. All of you changed when you saw him clean you up in the after hours. All of you changed when he fell asleep beside you, taking you into his arms. 
All of you changed when you met him for the first time.
______
did not proof read, but hope u liked it, The constructive criticism is accepted here, do leave a follow ~
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bemylord · 4 years ago
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ꜱ/ᴏ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄʟɪɴɢʏ │ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇꜱ
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↳ characters: satoru, itadori, megumi, toji, nanamin, sukuna.
↳ warnings: it's fluff part, so there's no angst or hurtful things [some parts might be spicy].
↳ butler's remark: finally have dropped the last part of this angst theme.i don't know what kind of dr#gs i used when i was writing the last three.
↳ part one;
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ɪᴛᴀᴅᴏʀɪ ʏᴜᴜᴊɪ:
he'd be very sad and angry at himself for screamed at you. he didn't mean to push you away because of his fatigue. as he recalled the phrase you dropped before leaving: 'i'm gonna cuddle with megumi-kun' this phrase goes on and on in his head as he runs into your room. he knocked first, hoping you're alone. he knocked again, but there's no response.
'my baby, i'm so-so-so sorry, baby.' he just jump to the bed, wrapping arms around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. 'no, don't cry because of me, i'm the worst boyfriend ever.' he kisses the top of your head.
yuuji will cry with you if you'd continue to sob your nose, burying your face as deep as it's possible in itadori's chest, unable to deny his necessity. he's comforting you in his arms, whispering praising phrases about you.
'i was a fool, y/n, please forgive me.'
'promise me you'll never scream at me like that.'
instead of words, but kissed your lips, nodded his head. yuuji will show his love and affection by kisses and hugs, holding you tight to keep you from running away.
'y/n, i love you.'
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ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ:
you've decided not to leave but stay home, waiting as long as his malice calm down. you were waiting for him in the bedroom, still grieved by the last words. you know megumi wasn't serious - he hates being beaten up by todo or satoru, you also know that he'll be a puppy right after a bath.
he showed up in the room in the home shorts, aimlessly rubbing the back of the neck, breathing out what caught your attention.
'i shouldn't have let the anger gets the best of me, y/n.'
bruises and abrasions are coaxed on his upper body and face as it brings the pain when he sits on the bed. he again rubs the skin, nervous to ask you to heal him.
'i-i would like..'
'i'll heal you, 'gumi.'
he smiles, seeing you tenderly how you treat wounds. he thought you were going to kill him after the acuteness, but here you are, helping your lover.
'i don't deserve you y/n, you always have been so kind to me. i'm sorry for being a moron, my angel, i didn't mean it.'
you took him of guard by a quick, yet lovely kiss on the lips.
'i will make it up to you, i will change.'
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ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ ᴛᴏᴊɪ:
you may think it'll take days or weeks for him to the realization of what did he do. you were a naive one by leaving the gold wedding ring on the table, thought he won't notice.
'i am not a servant or errand girl, i'm his wife!'
perhaps, you thought he won't sniff as you're leaving the house, silly. he has a perfect hearing to hear where you're going and what you left.
'what a jerk i fell in love for, had the misfortune to marry that...'
'to marry that?'
he finished your sentences, turning your body by your arm.
'need a woman to meet your needs, toji? i've had enough.'
his strong arm didn't let you a chance to leave the place you stand, only pulling you by the chin to look into the loving eyes.
'fool, you're my woman, my wife, and the mother of my future children.'
'regret?' he gasped into your lips before kissing them, nibbling lightly on your lower lip.
'i'll do anything to make you forgive me. should i ea-?'
'home, toji, home!'
'by the way, if you ever take the ring off, ohh. doll~'
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ꜱᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ ɢᴏᴊᴏᴜ: [i think i was h1gh, no hate on me after]
i heard about the woman that have called her boyfriend about thosand or more times, so.. it's satoru. satoru has been calling you since you've left the house, maybe, you'd pick up the phone if you weren't be fury at your boyfriend.
you were walking in the park where gojo first confessed his love. your first kiss and something more than a kiss. that place you will always remember is the tallest and oldest tree in the park. noticeable and stately. as you came to the tree you heard someone behind you.
'you knew it's my place, y/n!' what? is that a touchy voice?
'whatever i'm leaving.'
'where do ya goinnng~~'
'home.'
'fine, i'm walking home too. take you home?'
'we live in the same house.'
'that's better! wanna watch netflix and chill?'
i'd say you're mad at him, but i'll lie. he's so funny and cute, how can you resist?
'don't act like a clingy, gojo.'
'you began first. ok-ok, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.'
you had to gag him with a kiss because he would have continued talking nonsense. acting like a child. he lifted you by the waist, kissing you and whispering sweet phrases.
'i love when you're clingy, my baby, i was- i feel so bad due to the work, my angel. soon we'll be going on the mission.'
he lowered you to the ground, kissing you on the tip of your nose.
'let's pick some flowers and make a wreath, shall we?'
'we'll get arrested.'
'you can run, y/n.'
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ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ ᴋᴇɴᴛᴏ:
you were taking a bath on your own, drowning in the tears - as you've mentioned you're overly clingy and vulnerable and nanami had had known this. he knew you could be sticky when you haven't seen him in a few hours - but does it badly? he knocked twice on the door, waiting for your response.
'darling, mm-' he hesitated as if you'll reject him. 'may i come in?' you only made a quiet mumbling sound, but it was enough for him to enter the bathtub.
he took off his suit, joining you. no matter how much you try, he will see your weeping eyes.
'i shouldn't have yelled at you over a hard day. darling, come to me, tell me how your day went.'
'not before you tell me about yours.'
you sat on his lap, massaging his sturdy, tired shoulders, helping him relax.
'taking a bath like that with you after a day's work is what i like best.'
he kisses your lips as your palms still find themselves on his shoulders. anyway, nanami doesn't want his future wife to cry over him - he'll be the best husband.
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ʀʏᴏᴍᴇɴ ꜱᴜᴋᴜɴᴀ:
it has been weeks since you didn't interact with the king: neither you didn't come to his domain nor answer on his questions. when his sudden mouth appeared on yuuji's cheek, asking you to immediately come to his domain, you didn't feel the need to respond sukuna, irritating him.
you were waiting 'till the king will utterly be pissed off by your behavior, taking the possession of the vessel body to finally have a conversation with you.
'y/n, do something! sukuna has been so furious that i can hardly restrain him.'
'the king wants to see the stupid girl?' you crossed arms over the chest, letting out a sigh of relief - finally. 'i'm coming, sukuna.' you touches yuuji's chest to find yourself being instantly on sukuna's lap.
'you've been ignoring me for weeks, woman.'
'i wonder why? because i'm stupid and clingy?'
sukuna pulled the loose strands of hair out of your face carefully, so as not to hurt you with a claw. he cups your cheeks, making you stare directly at him in the eyes.
'i won't say it twice, so hear me out.' he kissed your lips with fondness, which was not characteristic of him. 'i'm sorry, okay?'
from now on, you can show off that the king of curses said sorry to you. be proud of yourself, 'till his eyes are cast dark hue, palms found themselves on your hips.
'i've been alone for days and days, y/n,' you could feel something raising underneath you. 'and why through all bastards you've chosen satoru?'
someone is jealous..
however, i have a feeling that there will be some sort of sequel...
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tag my cuties <3
@monisi @herhappyplace @h3artfiilia @din0plushie @giaduuh @schleepyflocci @creammy0 @rmjace @whogonprayformee @wwholesome-vibes @blacckkwiddow @sivaneeee @deepcowboywerewolf @royaltyofwinterfell @bakugo1819 @electroniclightjudgeghost @alexganes @tonks221 @spn-obession @superbheropeachtrash @strwbrry-lia @sterieshinso @daynada @butyfigers @lonely-dreamer @adorenoya @fluffymarshmellowcat @cloudsinthecosmos @itsonyxpected @itspastellemons @kingdomblvck @lovliecs @doodledee-png @neo-lucien @fl4mepillar @musichime07
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beels-burger-babe · 3 years ago
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A Little Voice Told Me - Pt. 3
Poly! MC Summary: Words hurt and leave their scars. MC learns this the hard way after hearing some not-so-nice whispers about them while on a date with Beel. How are they supposed to be the partner of the seven lords of the Devildom when they just don't measure up? Part 1: HERE, Part 2: HERE Previously on A Little Voice Told Me...
The brothers had thought of a number of ways you could've reacted to them confronting you. Lucifer thought that perhaps you would snap at them and distance yourself further. Mammon, Levi, and Asmo expected a few small tears followed by a cuddle session. Satan imagined a slightly more dramatic telling, like something from one of his novels, that ended him being your hero and massacring all those who dared speak ill about you. Beel thought perhaps you could talk over a bunch of comfort foods that allowed you to remain calm and feel safe. Belphie had hoped that perhaps you hadn't believed what you overheard, and the two of you could laugh at how idiotic even the idea of them not loving you was. But you, breaking down into tears, sobbing the words "I'm sorry" over and over again? None of them had expected, nor were prepared, for that. Any anger or tension that the boys previously had was instantly replaced with worry about your well-being.
Asmodeus was the first to reach you. He quickly pulled you against him and held you as tightly as he could. "Easy now, dear. It's okay," he glanced up to look at his brother anxiously standing around the two of you, itching to comfort you but unsure as to what they should do. You trembled in Asmo's arms and fisted his shirt in your hands, no doubt wrinkling the expensive fabric. "They were right, were-weren't they?" you pulled away just enough to look up at Asmo. The poor man nearly choked on the remorse that filled him at the sight of your tear-filled eyes pooling with sadness, despair, and, most disturbingly, acceptance. "Y-You guys are breaking up with me? You-You finally realized you could d-do better than a-a-a-" you tried to continue but became too overwhelmed with emotion as you began sobbing once more. Satan rushed forward and placed a hand on your shoulder. "MC, hold on. We're not breaking up with you." You hiccupped as the others began to crowd around you. "B-But Asmo said you guys wanted to talk and I-I thought that maybe th-those other demons were right and y-you guys didn't want me anymore." With those words alone, you had shattered the hearts of every person in that room. In seconds, you found yourself in the middle of a group hug.
No one said anything. They simply wrapped you up in their arms and supported you as wept. Although they had been seconds away from tearing into each other moments before, none of that mattered if you were hurt. You would forever be their first priority. "Beloved, we love you exactly the way you are," Lucifer whispered softly as one of his hands caressed your back. "Whatever those simpletons said, they're wrong. They don't know you; just like they don't know us." Belphie was running a hand through their hair, hoping that his influence would help calm you a little. "If we could, you know that we would tear apart every person who ever spoke badly against you," he could feel his anger towards the idiots that caused this build-up again inside him. Satan nudged Belphegor's side and gently shook his head. The youngest demon sighed and rested his head on top of yours. "Even we aren't strong enough to control city gossip. We can't change what they think, necessarily, but we can make sure that you know that it's not true." You trembled in their arms as your cries slowly dwindled down to the occasional sniffle. "Th-They said that you guys were only dating me o-out of pity and that I was nothing compared to you, a-and how I was jus-just a nuisance," you whimpered as you recalled the hurtful words. "A-And I know that's not true. It was so stupid because I know you g-guys love me. B-But it made me r-realize just how insignificant I am compared to a-all of you. I d-don't understand wh-why all of you would settle for a human who won't live nearly as long as you, and w-who can't even use magic." Mammon frowned deeply as he squeezed one of your shoulders. "Treasure, look at me," you shakily did as told. Mammon was staring down at you with a desperate, anxious expression. His eyes found yours and your breath hitched at the intensity of his gaze. "Those assholes don't know what they're talkin' about. You're not insignificant. Even here in the Devildom, surrounded by all these different beings, you are so much higher above them. You're the brightest jewel among us MC. You're the only person to have ever formed pacts with all seven of the Lords of the Devildom. You're the ambassador of the human world. You have brought this family closer together in just over a year than anyone has managed in the centuries that we've been alive." Your lip quivered as Levi rubbed your arm. "He's right. I'm the literal embodiment of envy. I can tell you right now that all those people are just saying those things because they're jealous. They're nothing but low-level slimes. But you? You're the big boss that could have them destroyed with a snap of your fingers." Beel looked down at you guiltily as he patted your back. "I shouldn't have left you alone like I did. Even more so, I should've paid closer attention to what was happening around us. I'm sorry you ever had to go through this MC." You released Asmodeus to hug Beelzebub as you snuggled close to him. "It's not your fault, Beel. They were really careful about it when you were around. You couldn't have known," the redhead didn't say anything, he just bent down to envelop you in his arms. The eight of you stood there in the dining room, nestled closely with one other, taking silent comfort in one another without a single care for the world around you. "I think perhaps we should move this to the living room," Asmodeus offered as the boys began to release you from their hug. "Beel can make some snacks, Levi can find us a good movie to watch, Belphie can go gather a bunch of blankets and pillows and the rest of us will stay with you to make sure you don't get too lonely," he cupped your face. "I think a nice lazy day in would be good for everyone. Does that sound good, Beautiful?" I chuckled tearfully and leaned into Asmo's touch. "That sounds perfect. You guys are so nice to me. I don't deserve-" You never got to finish your sentence as Asmodeus captured your lips with his own. With that one kiss, you could feel your worries and doubts melt away as you could feel every ounce of affection,
desire,
and love that Asmodeus felt for you pour into your very being. "That's where you're wrong, dear," he purred softly against your lips. "It is us who don't deserve you," he gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead before taking your hand into your own and leading you to the living room. He looked over his shoulder and smirked at his brothers. "Go gather the things. We'll just keep the couch warm while you're at it," you could hear the wink in his tone. "Oi! I want a kiss too!" "Y-Yeah, Asmo! You can't hog MC! That's not fair!" You giggled at Mammon and Levi's protest as you snuggled up to Asmodeus. You were so silly to think for even a second that these demons who follow you around like love-sick puppies would ever tire of you for a second. You were their everything, and they were yours, and nothing anyone said would ever change that.
***And scene! That was a wild ride, but I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you for supporting me with this mini-series and thanks once again to @ang3lsblues for the request that inspired it all!***
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bonnabiee · 3 years ago
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THINGS I AM YELLING ABOUT RE: CALEB ORIGINS COMIC
1. FRUMPKIN CHASING AFTER THE CART ; ;
2. THE WAY THE FIRST THING THAT BREN NOTICES ARE THE BARS ON THE STUDENT WINDOWS. WHY IS EVERYTHING BARRED. DUDE ISN’T THIS A FUCKING SCHOOL.
3. BREN’S NAME BEING OLD TONGUE FORE FIRE ; ; HIS PARENTS CALLING HIM THEIR LITTLE SPARK ; ;
4. EVERYONE’S HAIR IS JUST SO PRETTY BEFORE THEY CUT IT. FUCK.
5. I’M SAD ABOUT THE CUT HAIR BUT ALSO THAT FRAME WHERE WULF CUTS BREN’S HAIR IS TEN OUTTA TEN
6. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS TEN OUTTA TEN THE WAY ASTRID LOOKS AT HERSELF IN THE MIRROR AFTER HER HAIR IS CUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN. GIRL WHAT’S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND!!!!!!!
7. I’M GLAD THAT THEY GOT TO HAVE EACH OTHER THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES, EVEN IF WE KNOW IT ALLLLLL GOES TO SHIT ;0; BUT I’M GLAD THEY HAD THE GOOD MOMENTS
8. I love that they all have their own colours!!!! I’M SAD THAT BREN/CALEB’S IS THE SAME EVEN THEN, TO WHEN WE SEE HIM IN CAMPAIGN 2 ; ; 
9. I actually love how colourful all the background characters are, hell yeah!
10. I am real curious about Eadwulf’s green glowy magic, and Astrid’s purple magic. Like do they signify elements or anything?? Why is wulf’s green when his colour is blue, when bren/astrid’s magic colour seems to match their character colour??
11. THE BLOOD ON THEIR FACES POST THAT INTERROGATION. THE BLOOD ON THEIR FACES WHEN THEY FUCKIN KISS.
12. “Neither am I” Oh no bren, oh no no no
13. THE HARD THING/REWARD/HARD THING/REWARD CYCLE IS, AGH, SO SLEAZY. TRENT WE ALREADY KNEW YOU WERE A GROSS MOTHERFUCKER WE DIDN’T NEED MORE PROOF!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!
14. The shots of each one of them hopping out of the cart is very cute and bren beng last in the cart is very pretty
15. MOMMA ERMENDRUD WANTING TO FEED HER BOY IS SO SWEET ; ; ALSO, SURELY HIS WRAPPED FOREARMS WOULD NOT HAVE ESCAPED HIS PARENTS’ NOTICE. I WONDER HOW MUCH THEY WORRIED AND FRETTED EVEN AS THEY WERE ELATED TO SEE HIM AGAIN. GYAGH.
16. ; ; “Come on. It’s warmer up here.” Maybe Bren has gotten unused to sleeping alone, and being in his own bed by himself feels lonely.
17. Trent is a motherfucker.
18. ok so like just pausing the feelings one moment to commend how nice that firebolt being slung out of bren’s hand is. Like just from a, drawing perspective. I really love the movement in that frame, and also it makes me think of liam playing caleb and playing out his casting in game as well.
19. ok back to feelings, OH NO HIS LOVE OF DANCING, FROM HIS FAMILY. THEY WERE DANCING AND THEN HE BURNED THEM. NOT EVEN FRUMPKIN GOT OUT I’M MCFUCKING YELLING
20. YO I’M FUCKED UP ABOUT IT BEING THAT MOMENT THAT BREN BURNED ASTRID. FUCK. TALK ABOUT NEVER BEING ABLE TO FORGET THAT MOMENT, TALK ABOUT HAVING THAT MOMENT BURNED INTO NOT ONLY YOUR BRAIN BUT ALSO YOUR SKIN. ONE OF THOSE COULDN’T FORGET HIM EVEN IF THEY’D TRIED SCENARIOS
21. I didn’t realise they left bren behind so early and so soon after the breaking. FUCK. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A FUCKING NIGHT FOR THEM. THE TRAUMA DEALT IN THAT ONE NIGHT ALONE. UNPARALLELED.
22. Trent’s a motherfucker
23. I ALSO, DIDN’T REALISE HOW SOON BREN BLANKED OUT FOR. I STILL REEL AT THE 11 YEARS HE LOST IN VERGESSON. I’M HURTING A LOT. THIS POOR BOY. HE WAS ONLY A BOY.
24. ok i do love caleb going murder town on the guard though. There’s some satisfaction in knowing that these are skills that ikithon pushed onto him, that he is now turning around and using against ikithon. It’s also kind of fucking chilling to this that for how bloody this scene is, it probably isn’t the worst that he (and his friends) have done.
25. HIS COAT HE GOT HIS COAT IS IT THE FIRST PURCHSE HE MAKES SINCE HE WAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
26. FRUMPKIN #2, I’M SO SAD HE MUST’VE BEEN SO LONELY AND SAD AND HOMESICK AND GUILTY AND KDJDNKDJNAKJANKANKAJNKJANKAJNWEOIAJEJAWKDJKNKJNKJNFKJDNKJNDF WISHING FOR FRUMPKIN SO BADLY AND, FINALLY LEARNING HOW TO SUMMON HIM, AND KNOWING IT ISN’T FURMPKIN FRUMPKIN BUT HE JUST NEEDS THIS LITTLE LIE TO GET HIM THROUGH IT. HE WOULD HAVE GONE FROM BEING SO SURE AND IN LOVE AND BEING LOVED BY TWO PEOPLE THAT HE THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE ON THE WORLD FOR TO NOTHING IN WHAT MIGHT’VE SEEMED LIKE A SINGLE NIGHT FOR HIM. I’M THINKING ABOUT A CALEB THAT WAS LONELY JUST SLEEPING BY HIMSELF AND NOW HE’S SLEEPING BY HIMSELF IN A DITCH, IN A HOLE, IN WHATEVER SHELTER HE CAN SCAVENGE. FUCKCKCKCUFKUCFKFUKCJCN
27. Also okay okay okay okay I love the montage of all the fake names that he gives. 
28. ALSO, DID HE BUY THAT LITTLE GREEN BOOK THEN GIFT IT TO THE LITTER GIRL?????? IN PURPLE????? WITH BLONDE HAIR????????? WAS HE THINKING ABOUT ASTRID I’M SOGOGIGNFKGNG TO FUCKINGKJDNFKJNFDKJLKMLWKMELKMLUGGGJYG
29.
30. I LOVE that we get to see Nott!!!!! I didn’t expect to see Nott!!!! I love her!!!!!
In conclusion
FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS!!!!!!!!! THIS COMIC IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!! THANK U FOR ALL THE TASTY MORSELS OF EXTRA CHARACTER THINGS TO PLAY WITH!!!!!!!!!!! 
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beann-e · 4 years ago
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Haikyuu! Characters reacting to their s/o Fighting for them
Also i’m taking request !! go put something in the box :4
Tendou
he would enjoy it so much like he’d have a full on conversation while your doing it. He’d even start hyping you up In the back because he knows that’s all it takes to fuel your fire.
Only for you to find out the person who was hitting on him wasn’t talking about him but was talking about another guy and tendou only made it seem like they were so he could piss you off because he finds it so hot when your upset
Your eyes went pointed to the scene in front of you when you walked down from the bleachers. Feet heavy on the ground as you tried to contain your anger.
How did this chick get down here faster than you and why the hell was she talking to your boyfriend once again faster than you ?
You steps slowed as you walked up to them hoping to hear a little bit of the conversation “ yeah I thought it was really hot and I just wanted to say wow up close and personal y’know “
Your eyes widened hot ?
what the hell did she think was hot ?
“ I was uh I was up in the stands and I was honestly a little bit intimidated to come down here and talk to anyone actually —in the first place “ she laughed clutching her bag a little tighter when your boyfriend licked his lips before his teeth came down to nibble on his bottom one lightly, eyes feigning innocence as he listened to her “ especially you so this is like a big milestone for me “
you watched as your boyfriend smiled softly “ yeah I get it — really i’d be the exact same way with a crush I wouldn’t know how to act or even how to talk to them i’ve actually been there before so “
good good you thought praising tendou in your head at the fact that he was trying to slowly bring up the fact that he had a s/o. clapping for him in your head for trying to let the girl in front of him down easily
your body darting to hide behind a group of teenagers when you saw your boyfriends eyes lift up from the girl and look around as if he was checking for someone he must have been wondering where you were. breathing out a sigh of relief that he turned to look over your way too slowly only missing you by a second
“ oh really I assumed that— “
“ no no your good i’m not saying it in that way “
your face dropped ‘in what way ? ‘
“ I understand the fear of talking to your crush but trust me “ he nodded his head towards the girl In front him before he took a sip of water and smiled down on her “ you’ve got no reason to be nervous i’m right her—“
“ hi “ you waved steps quick on the floor beneath you and voice loud to show your presence “ yes y— yes you do “ you laughed reaching your hand out to shake the girls own in front of you
“ i’m y/n — the s/o— of 3 years —is there ? is there anything wrong did something happen to where he needed an emergency check up or something ? “
the sarcasm in your voice making your boyfriend smirk to himself at the way you just jumped into the situation all to protect your relationship it made him feel secure, happy even
it made him in a way feel greedy
your head coming up to look at tendou as you snaked an arm around his waist like he’d done to you in similar situations. Your other one moving to place itself on his chest “ babe are you ok ? are you hurt ? how badly to call a stranger over here ? “
“ baby no nothing like that she just wanted to congratulate me“ he locked eyes with you the slight smirk he still wore ignored by you due to anger at the drama unfolding before you and his next statement. His words coming out soft and sweet though they were meant to encourage his evil agenda “ before you “
“i’m sorry I wasn’t down here to congratulate him on his win so he must have looked lonely “
you shook your head in sadness at the girl “ and open but “ you smiled “ no he’s not—I understand the confusion you must be going through right now but its just miscommunication from your classmates—which leads me to wonder—please tell me what’s your name ? i’ve never seen you before and I bet your not aware of who I am either so introductions could help both of us out here “
“ oh uh i’m niccolo” the girl shook her head softly and wearily as you pulled back quickly
“ mm niccolo— niccolo “ you spoke rubbing the same hand youd just shook niccolos with down your shirt causing your boyfriend to smile to himself and his eyebrows to raise at all the knowing looks from his teammates about the shit storm he’d just put into motion as he planted a small innocent kiss to your forehead while winking to his teammates behind you
“ never heard of it you must be a first year ? “ your boyfriends head shook slightly as he looked to the floor thinking about how that might have been a little bit rude considering she was just a young girl maybe 16 at most.
His mind rolling with thoughts of maybe cutting the game he was playing short because of her age only for him to side eye you and take a sip from his water bottle again ‘ nah they’ve got it ‘
“ oh y-yes i’m new here—i’ve taken the phrase first year a bit too literal “ she joked smile seeming to be forced her hands twitching in nervousness
“ mm — I never would’ve thought “ you spoke sarcastically. Almost every first year knew not to talk to tendou after a game not unless you were down there already.
The both of you had established that as soon as the game is over your the only person who gets to say congratulations to him first since he explained that it means more to him to know that you’ll always be there no matter what he does
no matter if he wins or loses he’ll get to walk off that court and the first thing he sees is the person he loves most with their hands out waiting for a hug. he’s told you that in the moment he wants to feel like your the only one watching because it’s a private game played for you because he believes your so lucky to get to see your smoking hot boyfriend do blocks.
“ oh thank you no ones ever told me that I look older before may I ask why you thin— “
“ because your dum— “
“ haha um “ tendou stretched before speaking again “ because your just really pretty for a first year “ your body went rigid you almost felt like you couldn’t feel anything not even the heat that was radiating off your body
“ aw thank you so much that means a lot y/n was it? “ she smiled genuinely before laughing “ tendous so nice i’m really glad I came down here first before y’know all the fangirls came down “
she shook her head “ y’know I actually got scared because I thought you were one — I was like ahhhh here comes one of those scary stalker girls “ she laughed “ tendou was telling me not to be afraid since he knew you but I was telling him to be careful when talking to people like you —- once again I thought you were a fan girl so I mean you can’t blame me right?”
Yeah she was screwed this had went too far he was too late
“ y/n “ his voice was warning but you waved him off listening to the girl in front of you her voice sounding so confident and honest believing in everything she was saying. Voice pouring through and mouth still moving almost as if she had no filter
she looked to her feet “I doubt any of them would even have a chance with tendou though because— “
your body roared as she explained her reasoning.
You were only feeling this angry at her words because not only did she call you a tendou fangirl but she explained that even if you were one you would have no chance with him even though that’s actually how you two started dating.
Then for her to turn around and rub it in your face how she got downstairs before you oh god you were gonna have a field day with this little twerp if you didn’t find a way to put her in her place respectfully
“ hey um tendou do you think me and my fellow fan girl here can have some alone time just a small chat “
“ oh wow i’ve never had one of those before “ she smiled as tendou stood still wondering if he’d done the right thing by encouraging all of this or if he should just drop it or maybe even sit down and enjoy it
looking down at you cautiously a slight smirk on his face thinking about your face when he would get the chance to you the truth of the situation but only for it to drop as the girl across from him stole his attention away from you causing him to perk up a bit honestly surprised that she spoke again
Was she suicidal or ?
“ I think he may not be leaving because he isn’t comfortable with you yet—he told me earlier that we could be best friends so , he may listen to me more “ she smiled “ tendou I wanna talk to um —y/n so could you maybe give us some time alone —“ her smiling wider almost as if happy to call him her friend —before speaking “ I wanted to help you out “
‘ holy shit she’s testing my patience’
tendous loud laugh ripped through the gym as he grabbed goshiki and turned the both of them around to walk off words heavy and holding meaning “ yeah I know em’ —I know em’ real well physically and mentally trust me your going to have a bestie number two soon enough “
you watched as your boyfriend went to sit on the bench talking softly with goshiki as he put his hands in his pants pockets not paying attention to you two anymore
“ so wha— “
“ look “ you smiled “ i’m gonna be real sweet about this so we can tie this up in a neat little bow “ you pointed towards tendou
“ ‘m not a fan anymore he’s my boyfriend — we’ve been dating for 3 years now ever since we were first years. I met him through a fan club because he saw the art I drew for their game posters and enjoyed it. I told him I liked how passionate he was about something and how he had his own thing and did it in his own unique way that worked for him and then boom we ended up getting closer—closer then need be sometimes “
you sighed as you moved to close the conversation out “ look just please — I understand your a first year you may not know and that’s ok but ; me and my boyfriend like for me to be the first one who gives him a congratulations at the end of a match he never talks to anyone except his team until I do it — he says it’s like reassurance tht he’s doing good he’s had some stuff happen in the past that just — he needs praise and reminders that he’s doing good with his sport and I supply that he doesn’t want it from anyone else and I don’t want anyone else to give it “
you looked to the girl with sympathy in your eyes hoping you didn’t hurt her feelings she really was just a young kid “ it’s ok to have a crush I had one we all do at a point in our lives but right now your hitting on someone in a secure relationship ok ? start asking first please just to be safe in your future years “
her eyes went wide as she moved to speak “ mm I guess I was wrong “
you shook your head “ wrong ? excuse me for not understanding but wrong how“
“ I uh I assumed you weren’t one of those fan girls and I was wrong I did not mean to get in between your weird obsession just please do not harm him or anything like you guys tend to do “
your body blazed eyes lit up in a hard stare at everyone who now turned to face you hearing the girls loud words
“ again with the fan shit “
“ that is what you guys are called I will not call you his s/o if he does not know you “
“ HES MY BOYFRIEND YOU ASSHOLE “
“ wh— “
“ I tried to be nice to you but your not accepting it it’s like you want me to scream at you “
“ yeah babe she totally does “ tendous smile spreading slowly across his face at the way your hips moved to work with your mouth in showing off your evident pissed off mood
“ I know “ you screamed “ she just wants to make this harder for me “
“ duh “ his tongue coming out to swipe across his bottom lip eyes falling down to your hands that were clenched so tightly in anger waving around widely your pissed off expression sending heat traveling across his body
“ you have a child’s crush on him and I keep telling you I don’t mind but I explained to you to just be respectful and then you go and disrespect me again“
“ they are very lenient when it comes to crushes on me “
“ thank you baby —I try not to be rude because I myself was once a fan in a club for the team so trust me I understand but everyone is usually respectful I don’t understand how you “
“ she’s just a first year babe you have to explain it to her more “ he smiled thinking up a new way to see how far you would go for him “ like in depth “
“ I DID “
“ no baby you gotta get rough with her “
you turned with your eyebrows furrowed “ like fight “
he smirked at you body shaking at the way you whimpered out the words but moved to put your hair up anyways yet, again putting him first and your cloudy anger ridden mind second
god you were so hot whenever you showed everyone you’d do anything for him “ fuck — yeah baby your doing the right thing —don’t think about it too much “
you shook your head softly as you battled through it in your head tendou always knew how to get a rise out of you and how to make you do what he wanted you to more so for fun.
It didn’t take much for you to listen to him especially when you couldn’t think clearly because he was the only person there who cared for you and anything he did you knew would only be for his own entertainment purposes he’d never have you do anything bad or that put your safety at risk.
when you were angry —and had someone hyping you up and adding fuel onto the fire it was only 10x worse and tendou knew this
“ here y/n baby—let’s take this outside I don’t want you to get hurt by fighting in here come on you can do it out there “
“ tendou you asshole quit encouraging this shit“ semi whispered
“ I do not understand what is going on —i find myself with a loss of knowledge in this situation but I do feel as though tendou is in the wrong it is only a gut feeling “
the girl in front of you trembled at ushijimas voice—before looking to goshiki who held wide eyes as he waved to the girl hesitantly her eyes darting away and back to him eyebrows coming together as she looked around the gym embarrassed “ but he — he didn’t say anything about you—I didn’t know he didnt tell me “
“ wh—what babe — liar I call liar she’s lying baby — pleas— ow “
your head finally clearing up as you listened to his team talk about how much of a prick he was you reaching out and grabbing the top of his ear and bringing it down to your height while he screamed out in pain “ BECAUSE HES AN ASSHOLE “
“ hey baby I’m sorry i’m sorry but that’s — thats “ his hair went down to cover his face as he looked at you “ thats not cool “
“ I — I didn’t know “
“ but I told you twice “
“ and I — I haven’t had the best experienc— “ her bottom lip trembled before she took off crying when she met the young boys eyes behind her.
Goshiki shaking softly eyes lit up in confusion before he shook his head and pulled himself away from the embarrassing situation to run after her your boyfriend moving to wrap his arms around your waist from the back “ your so hot “
“ but I “
“ you were wrong though so I see looks don’t always pair up with smarts “
“ huh “
“ she wasn’t hitting on me “
“ but she “
“ she has a crush on goshiki this is her first time attending a volley’ game and she accidentally came down the wrong way so it landed her down here faster than everyone else”
your body stiffened “ she only ended up talking to me because I was going into the hallway towards the locker rooms when she for some reason was coming down the opposite way crying to me about how she was lost “
“ then you — you two were talking abo— “
“ she’s a bit fragile —- and she was explaining it and I saw how we were the same because she’s had a hard past too so she’s a bit wary around others—and hates confrontation due to drama at ‘er old school and she doesn’t know much of the people here because she’s a first year also she doesn’t talk much which kinda threw me off when she started having full conversations with you and trying her best to connect with you“ he shrugged “ must’ve thought you were cool —wanted to be your friend or some shit”
he smiled proudly at the fact that you could make people other than himself feel that comfortable around you him peppering kisses all around your face “ she was telling me how she thought goshiki was hot and when I brought up that I was his amazingly beautiful senpai she just wanted me to introduce her to him — she said she’s afraid of people and fangirls because she hasn’t had the best experiences with them she explained one time in middle school she got a bento box thrown at her because a guy from the volleyball team said hi to her “
your body immediately dropped “ you knew her whole life story and then some and let me embarrass myself “
“ well honestly you both did you just a bit more than her “
oikawa
he would praise you so much the whole time. He has fangirls and he loves when you show him why your more important than them. he loves for you to stop him and put them in their place while showing him his own.
He knows it’s not right to flirt with other girls but the excitement and pure happiness he gets when he watches you fight for him with such passion similar to his own for volley he loves it
“ oikawa ~~” A small voice called out before tucking a strand of hair behind their ear “ can we maybe get some photos ? “
holy shit it’s like everyday at this point
“ baby can I ? “
“ just go “ his eyes darted to the group before he looked back at you “ really —swear i’ll be right behind you pretty boy “
He smiled before running off to the group grabbing the pen someone held out for him and writing all over the billions of notepads girls waved in front of his face.
You knew it looked wrong for him to have a s/o and still entertain other girls or guys for that matter but, you knew oikawa. You knew exactly how he felt about them it wasn’t that he was interested or liked them it was that he liked their comments
he liked the attention.
He was someone who needed constant praise to feel like he was doing his best. Hearing all the cheers , all of the shouts of his name, seeing the signs and people that would come to games specifically for him only made him feel like he was human like he was real and talented—appreciated
You would never take that away from him you could never, when you two started dating you explained to him you knew how important his fans were to him and as long as he kept a certain line that couldn’t be crossed— that he would always come back to you. Everything would be ok.
You slowly walked up behind him leaving space for people to have a hard time differentiating if you were apart of the crowd or with him but you were still close enough to hear the whispers of how hot he was and honestly he was.
He had the muscles—the beautifully glowing skin that others around you two dreamed of and to put a topping on the cake he was still sporting his ruffled hair from his earlier game. He was your dream man and you were lucky to even be able to stare at him behind closed doors or at least that’s what he told you whenever you walked into his room.
“ oikawa-san “
“hmm “ he spoke staring down on the girl that reached out to grab his arm as he was turning to leave
“ could I talk to you please “
his eyes darted to find yours locking on them when he finally found them. His mouth now moving to mouth a question as you shook your head lightly you’d give him five more minutes he deserved it and you wanted him to feel like he’d done a good job at his game today ,which he really did do, him only going back to the girl in front of you two
“ oh well I really wanna — i’m supposed to —“ he sighed out before he collected himself “ I want to take my s/o home before it gets too late I don’t want them walking alone at night “
“ oh s/o “ her voice dropped as he shook his head up and down “ correct of 2 years “
“ oh my um congratulations— to many more to many more with many more “ she rushed out quickly reaching in her backpack
“ thank you our anniver— “
“ could we get a picture “
he sighed before his smile spread only growing into a fake one lips going tight on his face “ yes of course just one i’d like to get on the ro— “
His breathing stopped as he felt the girl next to him lay her lips on his. The click of the camera making his eyes go wide as he shook. Oikawa to most wasnt one who was as submissive as he was with you. He was a bit more ‘ manly ‘ to other people but around you he always fell into submission especially when he knew he fucked up
His eyes slowly moved to find yours that flaming as you stared down the girl in front of him . You leaning against the wall only making him feel a shiver move down his spine.
Had he fucked up that badly that you weren’t even moving.
He kept looking between you and the girl in front of him eyes trying to convey his thoughts as they screamed
‘ look y/n she’s still talking to me — at this point she’s fucking with me not the other way around ‘
His mind went blank as you walked over your face made up into a stoic one voice coming out monotoned devoid of annoyance or any feeling at all “ your lips must be magnets or some shit“
“ excuse me “
“ oh no it’s just that Insee you’ve put your lips on my boyfriend“ your eyes creased at the girl before looking up and down in curiosity “ so I was just wondering if your big mouth was hiding a magnet or something — anything really to explain why you would put your dirty ass mouth on my rather pristine boyfriend “
Pristine ? his body went upright standing a bit taller ‘ hell yeah i’m pristine keep em coming babe ‘
“ are you not going to apologize ? “
“ I uh “ her eyes went up into sadness and fear as the courage that once swirled through her left upon seeing your emotionless stare. She’d just kissed your boyfriend and you looked like you were walking dogs or doing an everyday house chore “ i’m sor—sorry “
“ oh not to me “ you let out a small head nod over to oikawa “ I meant him “
“ oh oh um yes “ she coughed before she made eye contact with oikawa whos eyes were creasing as he stared down on the frail girl before him
“ i’m sorry “
“ no go on take your time “
“ i apologize that “
“ really I know it’s hard to apologize to someone as pristine as me“ your boyfriend moved to nudge you softly “ isn’t that right y/n“ he spoke as he tried and failed to wink down at you
“ uh yeah babe um “ you shook your head as your eyebrows furrowed before you returned to your earlier self “ wait what oikawa stop playing and fix this shit “
“ oh uh “ he straightened himself up at your words “ what were you suppose to be saying again “
“ oh I just wanted to um “ she turned to make eye contact with you before jumping a bit and turning away squeaking out her words “ i’m sorry for hitting on you knowing that you had a s/o “
“ oh ok that’s it? ” his body sulked as he looked to the floor
“ that’s it ? — you don’t care that she hit on you asshole“ you slapping his arm harshly before he whimpered at the contact
“ what’s wrong baby “ your hand came up to rub his back and arm while he pouted turning away from the both of you
“ I just wanted her to she was sorry “
“ ‘kawa she did we can go home now “
“ no she didn’t say it the way I wanted her to “
your hands fell from him as you let out a huff of air before turning to the girl in front of you and moving to whisper in her ear as she sat confused unmoving In her spot before smiling softly and speaking uncomfortably and regretting her decision to ask the male out
“ oikawa “ she coughed his eyes looking over at her while still holding up his dramatic show “ I just wanted to say i’m sorry for hitting on your s/o’s “
Her eyebrows furrowed before she looked to you who was mouthing the words and shaking her head in an ok motion “ pretty boy —“ he perked up at the words “I will never hit on someone of your elegantly pure , flawlessly clean , stature ever again “
Yes he made her embarrass herself by asking for more kind uplifting words more so to make himself feel better than for you. All the while he enjoyed the praise he received from not only the person he loved but the person he didn’t.
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leggerefiore · 3 years ago
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Poetry for the Coraline AU With Ingo as the Other
I blame 3 hours of stats homework, a love for poetry, and your brain rot. Do with these as you please, written from the perspective of the beleaguered S/O.
————–
For Ingo
I should hate you. Don’t be so shocked, you know I should.
Why else do you speak so sweetly, hands fidgeting in your lap? Why else are you so shy to look my way? You must think me dull if you assumed I would not notice.
No, your presence only sharpens me- fear runs hot in my veins when you stare too long. You look like you could cry, sometimes. It hurts, but mostly just for you, I think.
Do button eyes shed tears? Would it smell like burning plastic if you sobbed into my shoulder? A hot glue gun adhering sorrow to flesh, ready to burn.
I am not brave. I am not ready to melt on your sadness or take part in your small agonies, not like a good lover should. So much of my day is spent alone, I wouldn’t dare claim to know your heart.
Still, you whisper poetry to me through the crack next to my bedside table. It’s lovely- sticky sweet, melted chocolate two months out of date.
Gods, I should hate you.
You make my favorite meals for me and frown when I can’t bring myself to eat them. I ask what’s in them and you don’t tell me. Or, perhaps, you lie. I can’t tell the difference, not like I can with him.
At least when he lies, it’s obvious. 
…I should hate you. When I’m lonely you scratch at the door and call for me and in my fear, I answer. What would you do to me, if I chose to leave you? So I come to you and let you whisper. I eat your praises, if not your food.
You want so badly to feed me. 
I starve-
Ignore me. You should leave. I hate you.
Would words make you go away? I can handle being alone but I don’t know if I could take being left behind. Monsters always go away when the sun comes up, I would know- even friendly, smiling ones are best seen in the dark.
I ramble. You do that too, so we have that in common at least. Always so eager to listen, to fill the silence. But then, the empty dial tone is a good listener too, so don’t go feeling too special.
Well. Maybe a little special. You’re the only one I’m scared of, after all. 
…I think he’s moved on. Without me. On to- To trains. To better things, or I hope so anyway. He deserves better, a lover who would listen to him and be with him when he’s hurting. One who’s loyal. 
Who can take a joke?
The trick of it all- love requires him here, and the world outside these doors of ours, it demands so much of him. I get scraps. I give him scraps.
We are starving things, hungry. He feeds himself on motor oil and speed and I get… You.
I should hate you. Looking at your eyes has me flinching away from the reflection I see there, odd things burning in your black plastic. Touching you has my skin crawling, either off my body towards you or far away to someplace else entirely.
The only thing I can say with confidence is that to know you is to know terror. He has already left, so it hurts only a little, but you-
You could melt me. Hollow me out and fill me up and leave me to scorch from the inside out. A man of plastic and wire instead of sinew, what sort of things would it take to drive you from my side?
Locomotives, at least, are impersonal. Your demons would eat me alive.
Your words, your promises… Best leave them to other people. This is one apple I cannot bring myself to eat and you should know that going forward, it’s only fair.
Full steam ahead makes no place for those left behind, choking on the smoke and coughing embers of their own. Leave.
Why won’t you leave.
I should hate you.
(…I don’t.)
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arhvste · 4 years ago
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002 SAKUSA KIYOOMI X SHUT UP AND DRIVE SERIES
++ MSBY GARAGE
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❝ get you where you wanna go, if you know what i mean, got a ride that’s smoother than a limousine ❞
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dt — @omisluvr i hope you like this, i had a lot of fun writing about you and your husband <3
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warnings — nsfw : oral [recieving]
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“what the fuck were you even thinking when you said yes to him anyway?”
sakusa pinched the bridge of his nose as he stood in the doorway of his high rise apartment. you were looking up at him, eyes glossy and hair drenched. your skin soaked not just from the rain, but from the fresh, hot tears that had run down your face as your hands scrunched the hem of your soaking sweater, the material quickly growing uncomfortable to wear.
the outside hitter sighed before stepping out the way to let you in.
“stay there.” his deep voice rang through your ears as he left to grab you a fresh towel to use.
you stood there, glancing around the sleek apartment as the city lights from down below leaked softly through the windows emitting a soft glow around the room. moments later, you heard footsteps approach as your eyes flickered over to the hallway.
sakusa strode over to you, handsome features highlighted and sharpened under the dim lights. sticking his hand out, he dropped the plush white towel into your awaiting arms as a plastic bag. you looked up at him confused regarding the bag, but before you could ask, he cut straight in.
“strip.”
“excuse me?” you choked out as you stared at the man in disbelief.
“you’re excused.” he muttered bluntly as you wiped your face with the warm towel. “you’re all wet. strip here and go shower and then we’ll talk.” he finished as he turned to leave you standing, dripping wet on the doormat of the entrance.
sakusa walked down the hall towards the bathroom and began to run the hot water and ensure the vents were working for you. having him out of sight, you sniffled and began to peel the wet clothing off your body and toss it into the plastic bag you’d dropped onto the floor. after stripping bare, you wrapped the inviting towel around your cold body and padded towards the bathroom. sakusa had left the light on and had already heated the water for you to prevent any time wasted.
you dropped the plastic bag on top of the white wicker laundry basket and stepped into the wet room style shower. the cool tiles beneath your feet caused shivers to run through your body as you turned the tap on for hot water to flow out.
as a fresh wave of hot water flooded down you, so did a fresh set of hot tears. you did your best to hold back the sobs you’d been keeping in, but it was all too much now.
‘better get it out now before talking.’ you thought as you let the tears flow freely down your face.
luckily, sakusa kept an array of various shower products so you knew you wouldn't have to come out the shower smelling like a six foot plus man who’d had a shower at the gym. after knowing sakusa for so many years, you knew he was picky about his products and you were eternally grateful for his favoured and toned-down scent of ‘ocean waves’.
lathering the soap across every inch of your now warming skin, your sobs slowed down and your breathing less jagged. your chest still hurt, but whether that was your crying causing chest ache or your now-ex causing heart break, you didn’t care anymore. you saw the end of your already deteriorating relationship approaching from a mile away anyway. if anything, you were partially thankful it had come crashing down, ending the anticipation that kept you on edge everyday. you just didn’t think it would actually hurt.
rinsing the soap off and feeling a bit better, you stepped away from the shower head as the water came to a halt. grabbing the fresh towel sakusa had left waiting for you on the radiator, you dried yourself as much as you could before wrapping the towel tightly around your body and stepping out the steaming room.
wandering through the dim hallway, you peeped into sakusa’s room as he scrolled through his phone, slouched on the king sized bed adorned with a firm, but certainly luxury mattress.
you knocked gently as his eyes snapped up at you. his expression still agitated looked, but softening at the sight of you.
“i don't have any spare clothes.” you murmured quietly, stepping into his clean and immaculately kept room.
he hummed before getting off the bed and rummaging through his own drawers. you stood there glancing around all of his medals and trophies won from years of playing in highschool and now pro. you had been present when he had won multiple of these awards. you happened to be one of the lucky few allowed close to sakusa. yes, you had known each other from a young age, but sakusa was ruthless in the sense of cutting people off; you had been someone exempt from that treatment though.
after a few moments, sakusa grunted with a pair of sweats in his hand as he looked down at your damp form.
you were taken aback slightly because despite sakusa slowly becoming more comfortable with personal boundaries, particularly in the recent years, you still grew slightly shocked everytime he willingly loaned you something of his own.
“thanks.” you whispered as you took the dry clothes and headed over to his en suite bathroom.
locking the door behind you, you quickly threw the sweats on and inhaled the natural scent that had rubbed off onto the clothes. sakusa smelt expensive in your opinion. yes, it was his natural scent, but anyone could tell he was a man of serious selfcare just from the scent of his clothes alone.
satisfied with your dry attire, you hung the towel on the radiator before switching off the light and stepping back into sakusa’s bedroom.
the sweats were definitely too big for you, but he had done his best to find one of his older sets in hopes of them perhaps fitting you a little more and for the sake of his own comfort knowing you weren’t wearing any clothes he’d regularly wear and fear catching too many external germs onto. you smiled weakly at him upon catching eye contact as he sighed and patted beside him on the bed.
staying close friends with the germaphobe had definitely benefited you as you had only grown closer to the pro-volleyballer over the years, allowing the two of you to naturally grow physically closer too. there’s not a lot of people in the world sakusa would’ve allowed for them to shower, wear his clothes and especially not sit on his bed, but once again, you were exempt from that, you always were; and he knew why.
“so,” he began, cutting through the thick tension lingering. “what happened exactly.”
always so straight to the point. maybe running to sakusa immediately wasn't the best choice.
“he cheated.” you spoke dryly as sakusa’s frown grew deeper.
“explain.” he pressed as you felt your chest increasingly tighten.
“i showed up to his house and-” your eyes watered as tears began to spill out. opening your mouth to continue, you struggled as no noise came out. scrunching your eyes up in frustration, you sobbed once more but stopped as you felt a warm hand take in your own.
you looked up through blurred vision as sakusa had a firm, but sincere look on his face. tightening his grip slightly on your hand, you shakily breathed out before continuing.
“the door was unlocked, i went in and i saw.”
“saw what?”
“her. the girl he told me not to worry about. the one he promised me was nothing more than a friend.”
sakusa scoffed as you sighed warily, tears dripping down your chin.
“they were um- you know-”
“-having sex. yes, i get the idea.” sakusa quipped as your heart dropped.
“um, yeah. i just left and well, here i am.” you laughed bitterly, face wet once more and vision blurred.
“what a fucking loser.” sakusa spat out bitterly as you hung your head low.
“i don't even know why you said yes to him. what the hell does he even have going for him? tell me what exactly it is that he brings to the table, i’ve been dying to know.”
you looked up as sakusa’s hand held yours tightly.
sakusa looked almost as hurt as you did. you quickly put that idea to bed and assumed it was natural protectiveness. he was your best friend after all. you just didn’t know just how badly he had wanted more than that though.
“he was just- he was just there i guess. someone for me to date. maybe i was just lonely, i don’t know. i, fuck- i dont know omi! i dont fucking know anymore!” you sobbed as sakusa’s eyes softened.
“well. what are you gonna do now?” he spoke sharply, eyes fixated on you.
“nothing i guess. i’ll get over it, i knew it was bound to end anyway.”
“and running to me was your first option?”
“are you really that surprised? i just didn’t know who else to go to.”
sakusa sighed before standing up and urging you to stand up with him.
“where are we going?” you asked, begrudgingly standing up beside his toned form.
“to take you out. i’m not having you soak my sheets with tears caused by a loser.”
“but i’m not dressed for that!” “we’re staying in the car for the most part.” he confirmed, notioning for you to follow him back to the front door where his car keys were left.
you sighed but followed suit as sakusa grabbed one of his own sweaters to put on. looking back at you, sakusa noticed your down expression as his own heart tugged slightly. he could only hope you’d perk up by the time he’d taken you to where he intended. he almost felt bad. almost.
you huffed but followed sakusa out the apartment behind him and waited as he locked the door swiftly behind him. trailing sadly behind him towards the elevator, sakusa watched as your miserable state wallowed in sadness behind him.
waiting for you to get over the damage caused seemed pointless in his opinion. ever the efficient one, sakusa knew exactly how he wanted to go about getting you over your ex faster. he could only hope you’d cooperate with him.
the ride in the elevator with the occasional sniffle from you occupying the majority of the silence. at last, the elevator had reached below ground level and into the underground parking lot for residents to use.
you followed the man out the elevator and stayed close to him and the two of you headed over to sakusa’s reserved parking space. you heart picked up slightly upon locking your eyes onto sakusa’s car.
a matte black aston martin DB11 was parked perfectly into its designated space. the tinted windows showed you back your own reflection as you were met with the sight of your downcast face. brushing stray strands of hair out of your face, you sighed and waited for sakusa to unlock the car for you to get in.
to you, getting into the pro players car was no big deal, you were simply getting into a friends car for a casual outing. to anyone else, this would’ve been a huge deal though. nobody was allowed in sakusa kiyoomi’s car. he denied requests to drop off and pick up others and even teammates. the only exceptions from this rule were yourself and komori. nobody else.
sakusa unlocked the car and you clicked the door open on the passenger side. immediately, your nose was met with the heavy scent of air freshener and leather. the clean and polished interior never failed to impress you every time you rode with sakusa.
the outside hitter climbed into his own seat before shutting his door and waiting for you to shut your own. the leather of the seat cool under your sweats. shivers ran up your spin and the cold temperature car started up at the press of a button.
“strap in.” sakusa glanced over at you before fastening his own seatbelt and looking into the mirror to back the car up safely.
“hold still for a sec.” sakusa muttered as you felt his hand land on your shoulder as he looked back. his body close to yours, sakusa swiftly swung the car out his space as your breath hitched. why the hell did he have to get so close?
“you could’ve held the back of my seat.” you looked over at him as he revved the engine ready to speed out the exit.
“yeah you’re right, i could’ve. i just didn’t want to.” and with that, sakusa hit the acceleration and the car sped out the clear exit at high speed.
your head was thrown back and your heart fluttered at his words but you kept quiet as you tried to calm your nerves. sakusa however, looked like he was out to kill. you were just thankful the roads were clear in the late night.
his jaw tense and eyes sharp, sakusa made no mistakes as he swerved in and out of lanes so cleanly, leaving other drivers with no reason to complain.
“where are we even going?” you spoke up meekly as the man beside you pulled up at a red light. clicking his tongue in annoyance of the hold up, sakusa tilted his head to face you, his wavy mop of hair flopping back as his salient eyes met your own, throwing your heart off course.
“you’ll see.” was all he said as the light flashed amber. head snapping back to the front, sakusa revved his engine once more, hands both tightly gripped the finely stitched leather of the wheel. prominent veins running down the back of his hand, sakusa flexed his fingers before gripping the wheel once more and slamming back down on the accelerator throwing your head back into the headrest for the second time of the night.
if looks could kill, you were certain any driver in your best friends field of vision would’ve been dead at least two times over. you had no idea why he was so angry, but you’d be lying if you said you didn't find him at least slightly attractive. you just couldn't bring yourself to fully admit it though. you were fresh out of an awful break up and the heartache was still there even if sakusa was capable of effortlessly throwing you into a fit of excitement.  
you gazed out the window as the car sped along the highway as pulled off the main roads and into the more separated streets. you paid no attention to where it was you were going until a wave of familiarity washed over you. your stomach tightened and your eyes flashed in fear as you quickly turned to see sakusa as focused as before, pulling into a parking space resided along the street of houses next to it.
“what the fuck kiyoomi! why are we here”
“where else would i take you?”
“oh i don't know, 7-11 maybe?!” you huffed as sakusa scrunched his face in disgust.
“that’s not going to help you get over him. this will.”
sakusa nodded towards the houses outside. more specifically, your ex's house.
“i can’t do this, i don’t need this.”
“you can and you want to don’t you?
you stared at him in disbelief as you shook your head.
“not like this, not now.”
“look at me.” sakusa demanded as his hand reached up to cup the side of your face, pulling your gaze directly onto his face.
“he’s a fucking loser. you’ve cried over him enough already and i just can’t sympathise with you anymore, show him that he fucked up.”
you opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. once again, shaking your head, you pulled away from sakusa’s grip as he stared at you confused.
“how? how can i just confront him in this state? you don't understand omi! it still hurts, and i can’t just-”
“-it hurt me too. this whole time it hurt.” sakusa cut in swiftly.
“ever since you said yes to him, i couldn’t understand why it hurt until recently. maybe i should’ve been happy for you. i just couldn’t though. i don’t like him, i never did and you know what? he didn’t deserve you, but i think i do.” he confessed, expression sincere and voice clear and sharp.
“kiyoomi i-”
“-don’t answer me now. it’s not fair of me to just throw something like that at you, i’m sorry but i’m also really not. i’ve been waiting to say this. just please, don’t let yourself fall off over someone like him okay?” he turned away, one hand still firmly gripping the wheel as his other hand reached to start the engine again to drive you both back. your hand intercepted though, stopping him from starting the ignition.  
“you’re right, i’m sorry. i promise i won’t so, let me prove it to you.” sakusa turned to face you and raised an eyebrow at your sudden change of attitude.
“i don’t want to cry anymore. not over him, not when i knew it was approaching sooner or later.” you admitted looking up at him. eyes glinting under the dim lights the streetlights provided through the tinted windows.
“then don’t let him make you cry anymore.” sakusa breathed out, voice taking on a soft tone.
“i’m relying on you to keep me in check then.” you whispered slowly leaning into him and letting him meet you halfway.
“well, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that.” his final words muttered out as his slender fingers ran under your jawline as he tilted his head up to meet his own. eyes fluttering shut, sakusa mentally thanked whoever the fuck was looking out for him, because he’d been waiting for this moment for longer than he’d ever care to admit.
pressing his lips onto your own, sakusa’s heart ran laps as you gasped at the feeling his hands gripping your jaw tighter. humming in satisfaction, he deepened the quickly escalating kiss as he pulled you closer and closer to him. god, he just couldn't have you close enough to him.
sliding his hand down to your thighs, sakusa felt the way you had them tightly pressed together as the slow and languid kiss quickly heated with each whine he drew from your lips. growing greedy to hear more, sakusa dominated the kiss completely, teeth scraping along your bottom lip ever so gently, drawing a sharp gasp from your throat. with your lips slightly parted, sakusa slipped his tongue into your mouth groaning at your responsiveness to his actions.
pulling away, he left you gasping but gave you no time to catch your breath as his lips strayed from your own and you felt his hot breath teasing the warm skin of your neck. not wasting another moment, sakusa let his canines dance along your sensitive skin, teasing you and leaving you unaware of his every next move. finally, letting his teeth drag along your collarbone for so long, sakusa kissed, sucked and bit everywhere he had access too. he needed to mark you as his. it would give him enough mental confirmation that you were finally his and you seemed to have no obligation to this in the slightest.
“omi, i can’t-” you whined, frustration building up as the clothes you were wearing now became more and more of a bother.
“i got you princex.” sakusa grunted, shifting his body away ever so slightly.
“please!” you groaned, glaring at the now smirking man.
“whatever happened to ‘i can’t do this’?” he mocked relishing in the control he had over you.
“i didn’t think you meant this!” you whined as sakusa pulled himself off of you momentarily. looking down at your hot and bothered state he felt a wave of pride hit. he did that to you.
“backseat.” he demanded notioning behind him.
“what?” you breathed out.
“you heard. backseat.” you grumbled but obliged regardless, climbing into the backseats of the luxury car. sakusa followed suit and hovered over your aching body as you rested your head against the doors tinted window, waiting for sakusa to do something, anything.
“so obedient.” he sighed trailing his fingers along the waistband of the already loose sweats, hands slowly slipping under the material, tugging them off painfully slow, much to your impatience.
your breathing stuttered as the man pressed a soft trail of kisses along your now exposed thighs, the temperature of the car only increasing as the air got thicker and thicker.
“please.” you whispered as his kisses met the ache between your legs.
eyes lustfully looking up at you, sakusa smiled against the skin of your inner thigh, breath hitting dangerously close to where you needed his attention the most.
“since you asked so nicely.” he praised, fingers hooking under the thin waistband of your soaked through panties. pulling them down, his eyes flickered up to meet your own. a look of sincerity glinted in his eyes as you nodded at him, permitting him to grant what you both wanted, what you both needed. you wanted this as much as he did and he’d be a fool to pass up an opportunity like this. the opportunity to show you what you could’ve had from the start, none of that mattered now though. you could his now, he’d make up for all the time lost, starting with now.
gasping at the sudden feeling of his tongue dipping into your slit, sakusa’s confidence only built up knowing you were comfortable with this. the warmth of his tongue causing you squeeze your eyes shut as shivers ran up and down your spine. fully trusting himself now, sakusa worked his mouth on your clit, hungrily chasing the desperate pleads ands gasps he’d quickly grown attached to. he needed to draw more of these out of you and he’d do just that.
toying with your clit with his tongue, sakusa groaned at the feeling of your hands quickly grabbing the base of his hair, tugging him closer and closer in desperate attempts to get him to go deeper. he made it his aim to get you just as hooked onto the feeling of intimacy as he was and you seemed to be following suit perfectly.
“k-kiyoomi!” you gasped, tugging harder at the dark strands tightly gripped between your fingers. his eyes flashed up at you, an almost unreadable expression shown as he pulled away momentarily. “you’re so beautiful you know,” he sighed before moving his mouth back down to your twitching core “so fucking beautiful.” he praised as he glanced up to memorize each pleasured expression that twisted across your face. he felt so proud knowing he was the one doing this to you, only he could make your eyes roll back the way he did, only he could draw out those pretty sounds that escaped your lips. he knew he was the only one capable because he knew he was always the better choice for you, he was better than your ex in every single way and he was just relieved he was finally getting the chance to prove it to yourself.
completely encasing your core between his lips once more, he swallowed everything you gave him so selfishly, refusing to let anything go to waste and spill onto the seats, it’s not like he could let anything go to waste anyway, not when you tasted this fucking good and certainly not when you were in his clean car.
“o-omi, more!” you chanted as sakusa grunted as you felt the knot inside of you progressively tighten. firm fingers gripping your hips, sakusa curled his tongue inside of you making sure to lap up everything he got out of you. you whined and chanted sakusa’s name like a mantra as he continued to worship your body with his mouth.
“please, please, please!” you recited desperately over and over again as you felt yourself closer to the edge.
“so good for me.” sakusa praised pulling away and loosening his grip on you, your arousal coating his chin. keeping one hand firmly gripped onto your waist, he moved his other hand down for his fingers to pinch and toy with the bud as his tongue quickly dipped back into your tight pussy as you felt your high quickly chase up on you.
“f-fuck!” you cried out as you felt your back arch as the ecstasy crashed down on you. his actions didn’t stop though, as his thumb continued to circle your clit with slow but firm movements only further forcing your mind to go blank. mindless babbles dribbled out your mouth as you slowly came down from your peak, sakusa continued to let every drop of arousal spill into his mouth before he pulled away panting.
face flushed, but satisfied, he caught his own breath and waited for you to fully come back to your senses. your own breathing once again jagged, you looked up at him shyly as you leaned forward to rest your head against his.
“s-shit, i didn’t think it would go this far.” sakusa admitted, grabbing a tissue from the side compartment to wipe his face. a look of disgust flashed momentarily on his face when he saw the mess on the tissue, but silently praising himself for keeping his car free from any spills onto the plush leather seats.
you laughed breathily before fluttering your eyes shut.
“i knew coming to see you was a good idea.”
“you didn’t know this was going to happen, fuck, i didn’t even know this was going to happen. i only brought you here to confront him.” the dark haired male sighed before pulling away from you.
the two of you stayed like that for a few moments, a comfortable silence lingering in the compressed air of the car. you hadn’t verbally confirmed it yet, but sakusa knew from this moment onwards you were finally his. a blissful feeling bubbled up inside of him as he processed what had just happened.
suddenly, a loud tap on the window caused the two of you to jolt in shock as you instinctively gripped the hem of the disregarded sweats in attempts to cover your exposed body. leaning over to the front drivers seat, sakusa peered at the window and was met with the furious face of your ex. scoffing, he slid into the driver's seat and let the window roll down to come face to face with the man you called your boyfriend several hours prior to what had just happened.
“what the fuck are you doing here?” you ex spat in anger as sakusa glared back equally as bitter.
“enjoying myself.” sakusa boredly stated as your ex’s face twisted into an expression of horror upon noticing you climbing back over to the front passenger seat with your clothes now back on, but appearance definitely disheveled.
“with that bitch?” the man outside of the car hissed as sakusa blocked his view.
“first of all, that so-called bitch? mine now, should’ve been from the start actually and secondly, get your disgusting presence away from my car, i’ve already had it deep cleaned this week and thanks to you, it’s gonna have to go back to be cleaned thoroughly again.”
your ex scoffed before backing up slightly.
“whatever, get the fuck out of my parking space though, and you,” he started past sakusa and directly into your eyes. “this makes you just as bad as me now so get off your high-horse.”
“actually,” you spoke up, hand resting on sakusa’s forearm to calm his peaking rage. “it doesn’t. kiyoomi was just a friend throughout the entirety of our relationship, he should’ve been the one to have been more than that though. it was never you.” you spoke briskly and cooly as sakusa smirked beside you.
before your ex could even open his mouth, sakusa let the windows slam but up before pressing the ignition.
“let’s just get out of here, you’re tired and it’s been a long day for you.” he offered a small smile as you nodded. outside, your ex was still yelling and begging for answers as the two of you took no notice. firing the engine back up, sakusa didn’t bother looking back before slamming onto the acceleration and speeding the two of you back through the streets and onto the main highway to take you back to his apartment where the two of you had things to talk about.
there was a lot lingering in the both of your minds, but you were certain the two of you were finally on the same page.
sakusa was upset you were hurt, but it didn’t matter now. you were his and over time, he’d help build you back up again, hand in hand, he wanted to put the time and effort into you that he had been wanting to do from the very start.
there weren’t a lot of people sakusa kiyoomi allowed close to him, would go out of his way for, would even care about for that matter, but as always, each and every time, you were exempt from that.
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++ TAGLIST! @crescenttooru @miss-angel-ash @sarahvvictoria @babierin @omisluvr @s0utien @toobsessedsstuff @omibaby @kenkodzu @sugabeaniee @lovesunas @slutawara @bunny-on-crack @shouyouorange @memorableminds @whootwhoot @yikes-buddy @sweetsamus
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lsholland · 3 years ago
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London Lights (pt. 2) - Tom Holland
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Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (1st person)
Genre: Party!Tom
Warnings: swearing; alcohol; smut (don’t recommend -18 to read)
Word count: 1.5k
Read part 1 here
Author’s note: Hey guys! Part 2 is out... I'd recommend listening to one of these slowed/reverb playlists while reading it. if you know what I mean.
Synopsis: Quarantine has been tough. I’ve lost my boyfriend, and I’m feeling lonely. Clubs and restaurants are open again, but I feel like it’ll never be like it used to. My friends have been pushing me to install Tinder and go on dates. Well, tonight, I’m going on a date. I don’t really want to but I’m going to try and have fun for once. Just a few drinks and I’ll go home. What else could happen?
PS. You can read the story on Wattpad.
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What am I doing here with him? I think as I’m watching him wobbling.
The streets are getting darker as we walk out of the city centre. Only a few lamp posts on the sides of the pavement allow me to see his shadowy face. The streets are so quiet. My ears are still not used to this sudden switch to total silence. As I can’t hear my own footsteps, nor feel my feet, it becomes harder and harder to walk straight.
I stumble. I bump against a wall and stop for a few seconds to rest my aching head. My eyes are squeezed.
“Are you alright?” Tom asks when he notices I’m not next to him anymore. He approaches and firmly holds my arm.
I try to keep my eyes shut but he’s so close to me I feel nervous and keep opening them to make sure I’m not dreaming.
He glances around and raises his brows. “How far are we?”
“Far” is all I manage to say as I examine his facial features. I can only see his side profile and it’s enough for me to lose my mind. I’m mesmerised by his beautiful straight nose, his sharp jawline, and his wavy chocolate hair.
He glances at me.
Eye-contact.
I look away. I’m anxious. I’m intimidated. I’m overwhelmed. And I’m drunk above all. And I want to kiss him, but I know it’s only going to end up badly if I do so.
I discretely glance up, making sure I’m avoiding eye contact. He’s still watching me.
He’s so close to my face. His warm, beer-scented breath caresses my skin. I’m shivering.
“Let’s go” I whisper.
He smirks.
We keep walking next to each other. I make sure to keep a distance from him. For security.
He’s not as drunk as I am. And even though he seems adorable, I can’t truly trust him. Or that’s what I say not to admit I’m really attracted to this man.
For the first time since we met, he checks his phone. The screen is so bright it burns my eyes. I feel a certain dizziness in my body. My hands become numb.
Tom frowns his eyebrows as he reduces the brightness of his phone screen. He opens and closes apps. I can see the blue colour of text messages on his iPhone.
I’m insanely curious. I can’t read anything, but I stare at his screen.
Who is he texting?
He peers at me. I startle and look down instantly. I’m ashamed. I hope he didn’t notice I was watching his phone. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to invade his privacy.
“I wasn’t looking—just the brightness of the screen—I don’t know.” I babble.
He doesn’t react. He keeps reading his text messages and taps on his phone.
I messed up.
We keep walking silently until we reach my apartment. His attention’s been on his phone all the time. Disappointment is rushing through my body like a thrill as I prepare to say goodbye.
I don’t want to.
But I have to.
I stop walking to show him we’ve arrived. He turns his phone off and looks at the old building. His thoughts are transiting from whatever conversation he had with his friends/girlfriends or whoever – I don’t care – to the realisation that our paths are parting.
This moment has lasted for only one second, but my thoughts are going crazy. I think of all the possible outcomes. Of all the romantic movies I watched when I was younger. Of all the ideas I had on the road. At this particular moment, I am aware it was all just a dream. He’s just being nice with me.
I’ve known him for a couple of hours. We’ve only exchanged a few words, but I am deeply sad. I try to think of any excuse to make him come inside and spend the rest of the night together. But none of them are reasonable.
Get with it.
I glance at him. He’s watching me, waiting for a signal. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even blink.
“That’s where I live” I say as I’m going through my purse to find my keys. I’ve found them immediately, but I just pretend a little longer to give him the chance to say something.
He doesn’t.
I sigh. “Thank you for walking me home,” I grin while holding my tears, hoping he doesn’t notice I’m devastated. “Is it going to be okay to go back home on your own?”
He peers down at his phone one last time. “Yeah, it’ll be alright . . .”
That’s it. I’ve drawn on all my ideas. I can’t keep on trying. I’ve got to let him go.
“Good night . . .” I whisper as I put the key in the lock. I try my best not to look back.
Pathetic.
As a tear drops from my eye, I come to the sudden realisation none of this is real. I am so drunk my emotions are raw. But none of them are genuine. I didn’t even know him a few hours ago. The next morning I’ll have a laugh when I think of the whole situation.
I feel a little better.
“I’m sorry!” Tom shouts before I close the door behind me. I watch him through the gap. He comes to me with a grin on his face. “You’re fun, I like you.”
My eyes are wide open. I don’t know what to say. I stutter.
“I like to keep my circle close though. I hope you understand”
I nod.
What he just said is breaking my heart. It feels like I am the problem. Like I am not enough. Everything I’ve been trying to forget from my previous relationships is resurging in my mind.
I start crying.
My ex-boyfriend left me for someone else. He cheated on me. He disrespected me in every way that’s possible. He made me feel miserable for being who I am.
And even though it isn’t Tom’s intention, I feel the same.
“No, no, no!” he grabs my face in the palm of his hands and brings my face closer to his. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
I don’t understand anything.
“I really like you,” he added as he glanced at each one of my eyes and my lips and my hair and my eyes again “we’ve only just met.”
I nod. “It’s okay” I whisper as smoothly as possible.
I’m not okay.
“I mean—You know who I am . . .” he glances around as if we were being watched “That’s too big a risk.”
I nod, again.
I still don’t understand anything.
Anxiety and shame rush together through my body, from my core to the tip of my fingers. I’m feeling so bad.
I should’ve stayed with my boring date.
“Yeah, it’s alright” I whisper facing down.
He raises his eyebrows. I can’t look at him in his eyes, but I can feel he’s surprised by my reaction.
What did he expect?
“Just—Make sure you’re safe on your way home” I add.
This is my goodbye though I’m not entirely sure he understands.
His face shifts. He’s intensely watching the bottom of my face. His lips are moving as if he were trying to say something but silently stutters.
I’m not sure I want to hear another reason why he can’t be with me.
I glance at him. He doesn’t move.
We’ve stayed at my doorstep for way too long now. It’s getting awkward. It’s better to call it a night and just pretend like I never hoped for more than this.
I try to close the door but stumble. Even though I’m sobering up, I’m still feeling dizzy.
“Let me walk you to your apartment” Tom says.
I nod. I can’t do anything else.
There is no elevator in my building. Luckily, my apartment is on the second floor.
Tom is holding my shoulder as I step in the staircase. He doesn’t say a word.
I’m so anxious I can’t stop thinking about all the inconsistencies in his behaviour. Why would he come with me here? It’s quite risky. Paparazzies are going to think he’s getting lucky tonight. I thought he was avoiding this . . .
I’m now in front of my apartment door, completely out of breath.
“Thanks, Tom” I whisper.
At this moment, I know it’s the last time I’ll ever see him. I feel it in my bones. I feel regret, hopelessness, dizziness, desire, tension . . .
Stop.
I unlock the door, open it and exhale. Excitement has left my body.
I look at him one last time.
He’s gorgeous.
I’m trying to remember his features for as long as possible. And I don’t realise I’ve been looking at him for a little too long until—
“Fuck” he whispers as he rushes in my apartment, grabs my neck, and pushes me against the wall. He uses his leg to slam the door shut.
I’m speechless.
He kisses me on my lips. A long, hard kiss.
It’s so dark in the room, I can only see his silhouette. And his hair falling on his face. I smell his cologne too. It’s divine.
He kisses my cheek, my jaw, my neck, my shoulder through my dress that seems to be bothering him.
His lips are so soft, it feels like velvet wrapping my skin. It’s intense. He grabs my hair and kisses me one more time, his fingers caressing my skin.
I feel the goosebumps on his skin. I hear his heart racing in his chest. He’s panting. He doesn’t look the same anymore.
The room is silent, I can only hear him breathing. He keeps kissing me and becomes more and more brutal. It feels so good I accidentally moan.
Tom grunts. He looks at me and smirks.
“I just want you”
(Part 3 soon)
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