#27 years and no one else to count on in this world

[oh-my-wizard-god]

/

[sunandsstars]

YAWNETU

CHAPTER 9

Tonowari x Ronal x Na’vi!Reader

Summary: With her arrival in Awa’atlu, reader seeks to find a sanctuary for her family, one that she may find in two particular individuals

Warnings: Mentions war, Pregnancy, Mean dad

Word count: 5.5k

A/N: thank you for those who have been patient with me! I know i abandoned you all for a bit but here’s chapter 9, i might rewrite it since the first bit seems a bit rushed but let me know what you guys think!

Taglist: @itsyoboysparkel @dumb-fawkin-bitch @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @fanboyluvr @mooniequeen @berrybluez @bajadotcom @alwaysinwritersblock @pandoragalora @perfectprofessorloverapricot @lvrcpid @answer-the-sirens @phantomalex14 @neteyamforlife @bat1212 @sadforeversblog @ducks118 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @1800imgay @soushswag @honeybxes @lola-bunn1 @alldaysdreamers @doggodorime @theesexystallion @scarlettwch @annamarieisbae @wallpaintt @zatarias-pandora @daoyus @ambria @simp-erformarvelwomen @simpliheavenli @tojidilfs @automaticwizardnerd @lexasaurs634 @symptoms-of-moonlight @avtprint

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The Metkayina pair became good mates for her, they were understanding, loving, protective, everything she had ever hoped for in the past, a dream she once had that now became a reality.

Tonowari hunted for the rarest of pearls outside the reef and crafted pretty necklaces and beaded tops for his new wife, his love was more physical, he enjoyed creating new clothes and loved decorating ___’s hair with small shells and sea glass, his wives only deserved the best after all.

Ronal showed her loved in different ways though, she cooked for the growing family, took care of any wounds, accompanied ___ wherever she went and taught her all she knew about being a Tsahík in hopes that she can learn and become one herself in the future.

Together the three thrived and eventually moved into one large marui with the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise each and every day. The house had much more space for their children too, who were all growing as the years went on, there were even new additions to the family, such as Tsireya, their first daughter and Ronal’s second born.

___ often thought about having more children, but birthing twins, especially in the circumstance she was in, was enough to put her off for a while. But with her new happy family, she continues to ponder what it would be like, she now lives in a more stable environment with mates who adore her and her boys so it was only right for her to think.

“Yawnetu, what is on your mind?”

Tonowari glanced up from the net he was weaving, cocking his head to the side and blinking, usually at this time of the day his wife would be chattering away about what she has been up to while he was hunting, but alas he was met with silence most of the evening. It was obvious something else took up her thoughts, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Snapping her head towards her husband, a purple hue took over ___’s pretty face “I am sorry, what was it you said? I was not paying attention”

Tonowari chuckled and put down the unfinished net, getting on his hands and feet and shuffling quickly next to her, cupping her face. “I know you were not, that is why I asked what you were thinking of” he leaned in and brushed his nose against hers, foreheads connecting.

___’s slightly larger ears twitched at his words, eyes widening, should she tell him?

Just as she was about to open her mouth loud shouting echoed from outside the marui, interrupting the couple peace. Tonowari leaned back and sighed, eyes closing and a hand coming to rub his temple, what could be causing such a racket late into the evening?

As the shouting drew closer it was clear to make out the voices and words, the concern that once appeared in ___’s yellow orbs died down into amusement.

“No! That is mine! I will tell sa’nu!”

“She will agree with me anyway, you must share! It is not fair you get to have this all day!” Two young na’vi scrambled into the hut, bickering and sticking tongues out at each other. One held an akula toy made out of mangrove wood, waving it around like a prize he had won. “Sa’nu! Tell this skxawng to share!”

Syatxì pouted at his greener brother, glaring daggers into bluer eyes, his yellow gaze fell onto his mother who hid a laugh behind her hand, frowning even more at the lack of help. “Mama, tell him off!” he pointed a finger at Ao’nung who stuck his tongue out once more.

“Now why must your mother solve all of your problems?” Tonowari stood up and crossed his arms, analysing his sons who quickly stood to attention. “You two are warriors are you not?”

“Srane!”

“Then you must fight your own battles. Your mother should not be doing so, instead of her looking after you, you must look after her” the boys were fast to nod intently, taking in the words like it was a quest they must complete, and in a way it was. “Warriors do not depend on the fight of others, you must think for yourselves, what would better the situation -“

“Tonowari” Another figure emerged from the entrance to their home, walking inside with the steps of a leader, behind her skipped in another two smaller figures, peaking out between the Tsahìk’s legs. “Must you do this now?” Ronal huffed and placed a few bowls down, squatting by her pile of herbs and sifting through them.

“Ronal, they need to learn”

“And they will, husband” the woman glanced up and offered a small smile, “in due time” she then moved to sit next to her wife, cupping the back of her head as an intimate gesture.

___ patted the space between her legs to offer her daughter a place to sit as the family talked, quickly getting to work adjusting her thick hair “my sons, fighting is not the answer. Sharing is what we do as a family, and Ao’nung, do not call your brother names”

It was Ao’nung’s turn to pout as his counterpart cackled in his face, snatching the akula toy and running away. “Hey!”

Happiness is simple.

That’s what ___ told herself as she watched her boys play, Sylwaì rushing to join in the fun as they soon decided to leave for the waters and explore before dinner.

Her family meant everything to her, she has a home now and has a life with people who appreciate and care for her as much as she does them. “I appreciate you both, I love you in ways i cannot express” she whispered, kissing the top of Tsireya’s head as she jumped up to follow her older brothers who called for her.

“And we love you yawnetu” Tonowari sat on her other side, kissing her shoulder. “You know, you still have not told me what was on your mind earlier, you were thinking very heavily”

“I want another child”

Ronal stopped poking the fire pit that was suspended above the water, inhaling a breath and turning her head to look at her mates with eyes that shined with growing glee. “You do?” her tail started swishing behind her, despite her best efforts to be calm and mellow.

“Srane. Maybe not right now, but at some point, I want children of your blood, and mine”

“It is decided!” The Olo’eyktan jumped and picked ___ up by the thighs, hoisting her up and she squealed, laughing at his joy. “When you are ready, we mate, again, and you will bear our next kin” he rubbed his nose against hers, placing her back on the floor by her feet.

Ronal soon joined and kissed ___’s shoulder sweetly, a small grin on her face “it was about time you said that, I was afraid ‘wari might explode otherwise”

“Ronal!”

Yes, happiness was simple.

It was times like these where Neytiri most thought of her, the beads in her hands resembled the amber of her eyes and the pattern of the bracelet reminded her of her hair.

___ never left her thoughts ever since she left all those years ago. The tsakeram has physically moved on, after her search for the women was left with no progress she decided to pray to Eywa to keep the small family of three safe on their travels to wherever they go and hope for the best. Mentally, Neytiri is sad, her heart still aches and yearns for her lost mate, and if she can turn back time she would, just to change who she was.

“What are you thinking of?” Jake put his bow away, finished with cleaning the exterior and replacing the string, his head turned towards his wife and cocked a brow, noting her silence.

“___”

Jake paused, face turning to look at the ground by his feet, ears going down, just like Neytiri he is haunted by his actions, but he tried to forget about them rather than acknowledge them. He was a brute, a shit ‘mate’ and abandoned his sons before they were even born. It’s thoughts like those that push him to step down from his mighty position as a leader, but the clan needs him, so he stays.

“I have faith that she is safe somewhere” Jake replied, nodding his head to reassure himself. ___ was strong, she would have found somewhere to be.

Neytiri sighed and tied off the bracelet, “and what if she was turned away, for her sons? What if she never found anywhere safe to begin with? what if -“ large hands cupped her face and a nose bumped hers, Jake smiled a little at her rambling, but it was a sad smile, he does not know how to answer those questions, he thinks the same as her deep down.

“The twins were born looking like true na’vi, there is no way they would find out about them without ___ saying so”

The warrior nodded her head, sighing in defeat and kissing her mates cheek, for now she would get on with her other chores, later she will ponder again. It was like a cycle she can never break out of, one that leaves her dreaming dreamless nights and going about her day on autopilot.

“Sa’nok!” Kiri jumped into her mothers lap, rushing to get away from the sticky hands of her brother, Lo’ak, who was chasing her with the intent of throwing tree sap in her hair. “Hide me from him! He will not leave me alone!”

Lo’ak roared and ran up to the pair, squealing when he was picked up and dangled upside down by his father, “Dad! Put me down!” he wriggled and tried to escape the Olo’eyktan’s firm grip.

Jake chucked and continued to gently swing him, “Kehe, what did I tell you about terrorising your sister? you worm”

“Not to do it in front of sa’nok!”

“Hey!” Jake bellowed a laugh as he put his youngest down, catching Neytiri’s judging face aimed straight at him and quickly stopped his laughing, pretending to act serious for the sake of his wife. “Kids will be kids” he shrugged, trying to play the innocent husband with a coy smile.

His wife just huffed, a grin stretching onto her face as she felt a kick in her stomach, hand instantly going to soothe the ache. “Little one wants to join in the fun, it seems”

Kiri gasped as she felt the slight pound on her back, turning to face her mothers bloated stomach and leaning down, smooshing her face against it “I want my sister out, I am tired of being the only true girl, there is only so much me and Lo’ak can talk about”

“Kiri! I am NOT a girl you turd!”

Kiri just ignored her brother in favour of focusing her attention on her new unborn sibling. “How do you know it will be a girl ‘ite?” the youngling shrugged and smiled a little.

“I just have a feeling” she sung. The marui entrance suddenly flapped open with force, another little boy rushing inside, panting slightly.

“Lo’ak! Stop running away from me!” Neteyam went and tackled him, dogpiling onto his younger brother who laughed loudly, the two wrestling for fun. Kiri snorted and rolled her eyes ‘boys’

Jake kneeled next to his mate, kissing the back of her neck and sighing quietly, his family bringing him the comfort he desperately needed, but yet he still feels incomplete. His heart yearned for the missing pieces, his missing sons and his missing mate.

One day he will find them.

A new star appeared in the sky. It was small to the naked eye, almost unnoticeable, but to someone who has studied the stars day in and day out for the past 14 years, it looked out of place, glowing brighter than the others around it, twinkling brighter and brighter as the minutes past.

“Hey” Jake nudged his wife awake from where she laid on his chest, still staring up into space. His distant look urged Neytiri to turn her head up into his line of sight, eyes widening and jaw going slack.

“No, this cannot be” In the far distance, the bright light zoomed down onto Pandora, red hot fire raging down onto the planet with a mission. Everything around the ships caught fire and the flames spread too quickly, the creatures of Pandora screeching and rushing to escape.

Neytiri ran to a higher viewpoint, jumping over logs and dodging yerik who fled in the opposite direction, a cry escaped her lips and she watched her home, once again, fall victim to the humans who once destroyed her planet in a time she thought long had past. The Na’vi crouched and sobbed, feeling the arms of her mate surrounding her who had his ears pinned back, watching the sight of the forest going up in flames.

His nightmares never seemed to end, Jake could only wonder if this was the great sorrow Moat talked about all these years ago.

A year passed from the return of the human race, the humans and na’vi who lived near hells gate moved up to the floating mountains for safety. Always preparing for war, always going to fight.

Spider was squatted over various bowls of blue paint, redoing the stripes that littered all over his body, sticking his tongue out in concentration. Behind him, Kiri worked swiftly and accurately, painting stripes in places he cannot see or reach.

“I still don’t understand why you paint yourself like this”

“I told you, it’s to blend in” Spider turned and faced the much taller girl, looking at the stripes on her body to try and mimic on his own. “When I do this, I look like one of you, the animals respect me more. Plus, I run faster”

“Sure monkey boy. The animals probably don’t want to taste the berries when they eat you” Kiri snorted, dipping her hand in more blue paint and going back to paining his biceps.

“Hey! I am na’vi, just like you” Spider scooped a large glob of paint, although still small compared to the amount Kiri had, and launched it at her face.

“Oop!”

Sudden footsteps interrupted their playful banter, little padding of feet getting closer behind the pair. “Spider! Kiri! The war party has returned! They are back! Come on! Come on!” Tuktirey rushed over and grabbed both of their arms, dragging her sister and friend along to the edge of high camp, watching as banshees shouted as they flew by and landed.

Shouting can be heard by the cliff, the evident voice of their father talking sternly to their brothers, Kirk’s ears went down and she sighed, going behind Neteyam and looking at his evident wounds.

“You spot bogeys! That was your one job! You spot them and you report them, from a distance!” Jake got up to the boys faces, waving his hands like a madman.

“I’m sorry sir, it was my fault” Neteyam lowered his head, disappointed that he let his father down again.

“When are you gonna stop taking the heat from this knucklehead?” Jake glared at him, eyes going to Lo’ak who stood silent, feeling his little sister moving his arms around. “And you? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Ma Jake. Your son is bleeding” Neytiri interrupted, eyes concentrated on her husband who was evidently stressed. Her tail curled in slight annoyance, heart pumping from the adrenaline she felt in the fight. Jake looked at his wife and sighed, hand going to his temples.

“Go to your grandmother. Now” As Neytiri took Neteyam by the arm and followed her daughters to her mothers tent, she turned around to observe Lo’ak who was left standing in front of her husband. “You understand what your actions caused?”

“Yes sir”

“You could have gotten your brother killed” Lo’ak’s ears went down, he hated disappointing his father. “No flying for a month. See to every ikran, get them taken care of” and with that Jake stormed off, shaking his head and muttering curses under his breath, the ringing in his ears won’t stop, and unlike Neytiri his heart pumps from fear not adrenaline.

‘I could have lost them’

“Yawnetu” Ronal stalked over to her wife who fed the young ilu in the pen, a deep frown on her face at the news she was about to deliver. “The Omaticaya in the forest, they are at war once again”

___’s ears twitched and pulled back, she knew that the star she saw a year ago was not from any constellation she has memorised since her childhood, she had a feeling that the tawtute have returned, but has been keeping her mind occupied to forget.

Her heart continued to hurt though.

“I know, my love. I worry for my family back home” especially Spider, who she prays to Eywa every night to keep safe. Ronal rested her hands upon her lovers shoulders, sighing deeply, she knows that her wife is hurting inside, but the tsahìk can only offer comfort, not truly in the midst of war yet. Somehow Awa’atlu has stayed away from the tulkun huntings, and she hopes Eywa can keep them safe for a little longer. Sooner or later though she knows that war will be amongst their side of the reef, it was only a matter of time.

Ronal then took her hands off ___’s shoulders and stood straight, “I must continue with my duties today, join me?” the forest na’vi shook her head, she was planning to join some of the women to go into the reef to pick some plants needed for food and healing.

“Not at this moment, I must join some of the divers today” the metkayinan nodded and smiled a little, moving away from the ilu pen to wherever she was needed. ___ went back to throwing fish at the creatures in the sea, giggling when the young ones brushed against her legs. The smile she displayed was hardly genuine, but it was enough to fool outsiders who do not know her well enough.

The woman soon slips out of the water, putting down the empty baskets to be filled later and moved to where she was to meet the other ladies. The day ahead was something that she would soon come to dread, unknownst to her the past she once sought herself leaving would soon come crashing into her life tenfold.

But being unaware for the meantime was bliss.

The ladies were kind to her and the job was easy enough, she finished within a few hours into the morning, deciding to rest by the edge of the reef chatting away with her friends of a few years now. Gossiping about their husbands, as wives do.

‘’Do not get me wrong, I adore my mate, but sometimes he is just so overbearing! Why do I need to take two spears with me when I am outside the reef! I can very much handle myself’’ Tayal huffed, tail slapping the ground in slight annoyance from this mornings hunt. She was a seasoned hunter, extremely skilled and praised by the elders for her work, but her husband was just too cautious.

Sayala rolled her eyes and smiled at her ‘’your mate just looks out for you, if you do not like his actions then it is best to talk to him. I, for one, do not have an overbearing mate but he does snore very loudly when he sleeps. So loud that it wakes me up sometimes! I wish that I had your problem’’ The group laughed, ___ patting her shoulder in pity.

‘’If Tonowari were to ever do that then Ronal would shun him to sleep onto the ocean floor. I am lucky that he does not pose any problems late at night’’ She giggled, catching the interest of some of the ladies.

‘’My Tsahìk! You have two mates, what is that like?’’ The question caught her slightly off guard until she remembered that it is extremely rare for Na’vi to hold more than one lover, even then it is usually preserved for important figures of the clan.

‘’Well, it is normal for me, I have had two mates ever since I came of age, they are wonderful to me and the kids, I am just thankful to Eywa for guiding me here to them’’ ___ rubbed her swollen stomach, thanking the great mother for what has become of her, Tayal hummed, basking in the light that is ___.

But the Na’vi cannot help but wonder, her Tsahìk has become of age long before she joined Awa’atlu and she could not have been mated to her leaders since then, not to mention her two sons who were not of Metkayina blood (although she did not bat an eye at the latter, sometimes women have children without mates). Is ___ hiding something from them? But before she could ponder any longer their conversation was abruptly disrupted.

A horn sounded through the village, reaching far to the Na’vi who sat at the edge of the reef. They all yipped and cried out at the warning signal, abandoning their chores and standing tall from their crouches. ‘Visitors? What could this mean?’

‘’Look! Up there!’’ One of the woman pointed to the sky where ikran glided through the air, on top sitting forest Na’vi shouting to each other in panic, not expecting a horn to greet them as they entered. It alerted the village to the visitors, and while it was inevitable, attention was not something that they wanted to bring towards them for the time being.

___’s breath hitched at the familiar ikran colours, if these are the Na’vi who she thinks they are then- ‘’___ come! We must see who they are’’. But the Omaticayan could only sigh, already knowing the answers to the question her friend seeks guidance for, ikran are unique in their patterns, there are no two banshees who look the same. The two large creatures at the head of the formation could only belong to the Na’vi she once ran away from.

Ao’nung stalked through the crowded beach, coming to the forefront of the commotion with hard eyes, Rotxo trailing behind him. His gaze caught the yellow orbs of the two Sully boys who watched him with slight wonder, having never seen another Na’vi race before the Omaticaya. Inwardly the boy cringed, seeing similarities between his brothers and these…people. This was going to be difficult.

‘’Is that supposed to be a tail?’’ His smaller companion laughed slightly, pointing towards the skinny appendage which curled in anticipation. Ao’nung averted his gaze towards it and scoffed, smirking when the older boy of the two brothers turned his head to look at him. ‘’How are they supposed to swim-‘’

‘’Do not, Rotxo, Ao’nung’’ a sweet voice called out, small hand hitting the back of her brothers heads and blue eyes rolling at their stupidity. They were trying to look intimidating and it was obvious, making fun of these newcomers who looked the exact same as some of their family members. It was rude, and extremely unnecessary, these people are guests here, and as the chiefs daughter, she will show them the kindness that her idiot brothers will not do.

Tsireya noted the absence of her mother and two brothers, being suddenly reminded that their presence would be appreciated, if not for the sake of her people then perhaps the sake of these newcomers. Her head moved to look at one of the boys face to face, dipping down and smiling apologetically. ‘’Hey’’ He tipped his head up and smiled a small smirk, trying his luck with making friends with the people who he would be potentially living with. Friends, or something more?

Tsireya grinned and chuckled at his awkwardness, finding it sweet that despite the predicament they find themselves in, he still shows kindness towards her.

Hoots and shouts alerted the clan that their leaders were in the vicinity, Tsireya’s father landing in the water nearby on his large skimming. He waded out of the water, eyes never leaving the newcomers and raised his brows as he got closer, it was Toruk Makto, whom he met during the great clan meetings.

“I see you, Jake Sully”

“I see you Olo’eyktan”

“Neytiri te Tskaha Mo’at’ite” they formally greeted each other, fingers to their forehead and dipping them in the accustomed manner of their people. ‘’What brings your family to our side of the reef?’’

Jake and his wife shared eye contact briefly, unsure on what to say and afraid of saying the wrong thing, they were tired of travelling, tired of war, they could not go on much longer. ‘’We seek uturu’’

‘’Uturu?‘’ a new voice called out, appealed and confused. Ronal sauntered up to Toruk Makto and sized him up with a glare, moving on to his wife who bowed in respect of the tsahik. Her blue eyes caught the sight of their children and waltzed up to them, moving around them like an akula and inspecting their aura.

‘’Srane, we seek a sanctuary for our family’’ Jake’s tail curled in nervousness, he hasn’t felt this scared since that day he had to prove himself to the Omaticaya, warning them and getting them to believe him when the skypeople were attacking hometree.

‘’We are reef people, you are from the forest, your skills mean nothing to us here’’ Tonowari announced to the family, voice strong and firm. He was wary about their arrival, it was sudden and unexpected. He knew of the war happening overseas, everyone does, but has it become so bad that they seek refuge in another clan?

Jake cringed at the harshness in the leaders gaze, so used to respect from his people back home that he forgets his place in others. His ears picked up the whimpers of his youngest as she clung to his legs, scooting away from Ronal’s piercing gaze and scalding touch. ‘’Their arms are thin’’ her voice rang through the crowd, stopping any chatter, ‘’and their tails are too weak, they will be slow in the water’’ she ignored Kiri’s small outcry when her tail was yanked a little too harshly.

But the Tsahik’s calculating gaze quickly turned to critique and panic once her eyes caught onto the girls hand, she snatched it from where it hung limp and brought it into the air to show her people, ‘’these children.. are not even true Na’vi!’’ She grabbed onto one of the boy’s hand with her free one and raised it too, to show who they truly are, ‘’they have demon blood!’’

Gasps rung out among the Metkayina, not expecting the very aliens to destroy Pandora to come across the sea to their island for sanctuary, hisses vibrated through some of them, hostility in their blue orbs. ‘’Yes we are!’’ Kiri snatched her hand back and glared, subtly moving closer to her mother who narrowed her eyes, not liking the way this woman, clan leader or not, spoke about her children.

Jake felt panic course through him at the judgemental gazes being directed to their small group, this was not going to plan. ‘’Hey..look! Look at this! I was a skyperson but now i am Na’vi! We can adapt, we will adapt right?’’ He showcased his five fingers to the Tsahik who watched his pinky finger poke outwards curiously. Murmurs of small ‘yeah’s’ rung through the Omaticayans as they agreed with him.

‘’My husband was Toruk Makto. He brought the clans to victory against the skypeople’’ Neytiri stepped forward, trying to assert herself. She will not let her family suffer once more just because she was turned away by this disrespectful Na’vi.

Ronal scoffed, glare hardening. Eywa so help her if this outsider continued to scorn her and her position in her own clan, ‘’is this what you call victory? Hiding, among strangers’’ her eyes flicked from Neytiri to her husband and back ‘’it seems Eywa has turned her back on you, chosen one’’

A sharp hiss interrupted her sentence, sharp teeth obstructing Ronal’s vision. On instinct she hissed back, ears flattening to her skull, unaware of the worried look her mate shared with Jake.

Tonowari decided to put an end to this feud before the women fought with spears, ‘’Toruk Makto is a mighty warrior, all Na’vi people know his story. But your people are at war and us Metkayina, we have stayed away from the conflict. We do not want you to bring this fight to us’’

‘’I am done with war’’ Toruk Makto picked Tuktirey up who clung to his neck like a lifeline ‘’I just want to keep my family safe, please’’

‘’Let them stay’’

The crowed parted once more to reveal a dark blue figure emerging from a sea of green, pearls dangling delicately on her heavy figure. ‘’Let them’’ she repeated, eyes darting from Tuktirey to the other children, and then to her mates, ‘’they come from a place of war, ‘wari. That is no place for children to live’’

‘’___’’ Ronal snapped her head towards her wife, tail lashing in anticipation ‘’you do not mean that, look at them. Demons’’. The mentioned woman’s ears lowered and she frowned, opening her mouth to remind her partners of where she came from, where her sons came from, but instead of any words coming out, only a puff of air escaped.

She closed her eyes and huffed, opening them once again and looking up, yellow clashing with blue. ___ stared intently into Ronal’s eyes, hoping to convey the message she so wishes to speak aloud. Luckily, the pair have known each other long enough to be able to understand one another without words, they say that the eyes are the window to the soul.

Ronal conducted a slow blink and pursed her lips, nodding her head, partly in concern to what the future may hold if she let these outsiders in her home. ‘’It is decided’’ Tonowari began, turning to face the crowd and raising his arms to gain the attention of the Metkayina ‘’Toruk Makto and his family will stay, treat them as your brothers and sisters for they do not know the sea, they will be like babies taking their first breath’’

At that Neytiri looked towards the sand, a sudden memory popping into her mind, her ears lowered and frowned, only straightening up when feeling the hand on her shoulder being squeezed. Kiri noted the sudden tenseness in her mother’s posture as soon as this third mate of the chief appeared in front of them, she was as blue and as slim as them, same tail and large ears. The girl recognised the familiar beads and weaving patterns on her clothes, despite the difference in material, this stranger was from the Omaticaya clan.

‘’Teach them our ways so they do not suffer the shame of being useless’’ the large man huffed, turning to make heavy eye contact with Jake, the rider of shadow dropping his youngest onto the ground and smiling in gratitude, patting Tuktirey on her back.

‘’Well what do we say guys? Irayo’’ The Sully’s coreoused, some more enthusiastic than others, Kiri rolling her eyes and sighing. Her father straightened up from his slight kneeling position for his daughter and nodded his head to his new chief, then turning his head to acknowledge his wives with a swallow, afraid of the Tsahik’s each for entirely different reasons.

___’s breath hitched when yellow clashed together, tail curling upright in anticipation, her old mate then nodded to her like he did her husband out of politeness and notably swallowed, averting his eyes back onto the sand, afraid that if he were to look into her eyes any longer he’ll get swallowed into a pit of shame, one that he wont ever crawl out of.

‘’My son Ao’nung’’ Tonowari gestured towards one of his boys who decided to show up, mentally going through the scalding he will carry out later ‘’and daughter Tsireya, will show your children what to do’’

Ao’nung’s ears flattened into his skull, not liking the idea of being buddy-buddy with these weirdos ‘’but sempul-‘’ a large blue hand rose infront of the boys face and he immediately paused his speaking in respect.

‘’It is decided’’

That respect was soon lost.

Ao’nung rolled his eyes and glared at the sand beneath his feet, tempted to kick it out off frustration but not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the people. Luckily, Tsireya felt the anger that radiated off of him and decided to speak up, ‘’come, we will show you our village’’ she waved them over in the direction of their new home, once they acquired their things.

This was going to be a long day.

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[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 27

Warnings: 18+, minors don't interact! angst, jealousy, misunderstandings, mentions of unrequited love. smut, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, choking (kinda). Not giving away who the smut is about but uh, don't come at me.

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Your anger and frustration take a hold of you, and for the first time, you take control and change things into the better... you hope.

Word count: 14k+

A/N: @hellfire--cult thank you for helping me so much, we've been talking about this chapter for two months now (or longer?) and I'm so fucking excited that we're finally here, aaaah!

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A look of anger is nestled deep into your soft features, your brows are knitted together, lips curled downwards. There’s a tired look in your eyes, it’s barely visible beneath the lingering rage. You are clenching your jaw, huffing in frustration ever so often. Despite the mess that must be going on inside your head, you still manage to look beautiful. That is something Heather has always admired about you. No matter what bullshit life throws at you, you always manage to look better than anyone else in the room. No amount of tears, betrayal or pain will stop you from making yourself look good. In fact, Heather is convinced that you look better and better after every fall that you take. 

How? She doesn’t know. 

She eyes you, admiring the way the short maroon skirt looks on you, sun kissed legs glowing beneath the dim lights, the tight black top adorned with dainty lace straps, boots that you wouldn’t have worn a year ago – you look good. Really good. She understands why Eddie struggles to keep his eyes off of you. Or why Steve still pines after you. You’re not just an amazing girl, you’re also a really fucking hot one. 

Another huff falls from your lips, your eyes flash with irritation as you slam one of the records on the shelf. 

Heather isn’t sure if she had ever seen you this angry. 

You are rarely ever angry. 

You weren’t even this angry when Steve stood you up on dates you were excited for.

“What is wrong with cheer captain over there?” Argyle whispers in his girlfriend's ear as he pretends to check out the tape in his hand. 

Heather snorts, looking over her shoulder at him, “she’s not a cheer captain anymore, you know?” 

He shrugs, “once a captain, always a captain, baby.” 

Heather shakes her head. 

“No, seriously. What happened to her?” He asks as he puts the tape back into place, placing his hand on her lower back as he glances at you. “I don’t think anger was an emotion that existed in her world,” he mumbles quietly, watching the way flick your hair back angrily as you make your way back to the counter. 

“I’m not sure,” Heather mumbles, wide eyed and confused, not knowing whether to confront you or not. “I guess something happened with Steve.. again.” Just a moment after those words leave her lips, the bell above the door rings and in walks Eddie with the usual smile that appears on his face whenever he sees you. 

Heather glances at him briefly, before her eyes move back to you, just in time to catch you rolling your eyes at the man you adore so much. She can’t even hide the look of surprise that crosses her face when you look down with a slight glare.

Argyle, who wasn’t blind to it either, laughs quietly, “uh oh, trouble in paradise.” 

Eddie, who is yet to notice the angry look on your face, walks up to the counter with a takeaway cup that he places in front of you, tearing your attention away from the magazine that lies in front of you. Without raising your head, you look up at him through your lashes, eying the cheerful look on his face, the smile, the stupid brown eyes that you love so much. 

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, looking around the record store, he waves at Heather and Argyle before he looks back at you. “I got you some coffee, figured you’d need some after last night.”

He drums his fingers against the counter as he stares at you, taking in the sight of you in your pretty little outfit, your glossy, kissable lips, your soft wavy hair that you always spent the most time on. He looks into your beautiful eyes that you glare at him with. He waits for you to crack a smile but, just like last night, you only frown, your lips twitch as though you try to force a smile but fail to do so. You don’t even acknowledge the cup he had placed in front of the magazine that you were glaring at before he walked in. 

Eddie’s heart sinks a little. He hoped to see a smile on your face today. You had been acting weird from the moment you had excused yourself to the bathroom last night. When you had gotten back with another drink in your hand, you chose to sit next to Steve instead of him. Eddie knew that something wasn’t right the moment he saw how you were forcing laughter and pretended to be interested in whatever Robin was telling you. You barely talked to him or to Steve for that matter, but you had at least looked at him. All Eddie got were halfhearted smiles, short replies and a cold shoulder from you. Which hurt – a lot. 

He didn’t allow himself to overthink, to feel hurt over something that probably meant nothing. But now that he stands in front of you, looking into those eyes that seem even more rage filled than the night before he knows that he had every reason to overthink. 

“Thanks,” you mumble. 

Eddie blinks, staring at you with sad eyes. 

“Uh, you’re welcome,” he mutters under his breath, he straightens up, staring down at you with confused eyes. “Did you sleep well? You had a lot of whiskey last night.” 

You didn’t stay over last night. And he didn’t stay over at your place either. In fact, it’s been a while since you had slept in each other’s beds, since you both started working. He misses it. He misses you, he misses waking up beside you, feeling your body on his, smelling your perfume on his sheets. He wants to go back to the night you had stolen the bat plushie for him, when you missed him, when you wanted him to hold you, he misses it, especially now. 

“I slept just fine.” 

He clenches his jaw when you give him another glare. 

What is your problem? 

Are you angry? Or are you angry at him? 

“What do you want?” You ask, voice filled with bitterness. 

Ah. So, you are angry at him. Eddie had never gotten to know what it’s like to feel your anger before. What it’s like to feel your cold shoulder. Not once, had you been angry at him. Not once, had you glared at him, snapped at him, treated him unkindly. Not a single time, had you done wrong by him. You are always sweet, always kind, always good. Now he gets to feel it. And god, it doesn’t feel good. 

“Uh, well. I’m on lunch break and thought I’d drop by,” he mumbles, hating the way his voice wavers, the way he feels so awkward, knowing that Heather and Argyle are listening in on your conversation. “So, the guys canceled band practice tonight. Do you wanna hang out after work? I get off earlier, I can pick you up after your shift, we can go to the movies or have a few drinks at the hideout.”

Suddenly, you snap your head up, looking him directly into his eyes. Eddie is almost a little taken aback by the storm raging in your eyes. 

“Why? Did you run out of girls to eat out?” 

Eddie is stunned. Utterly stunned and dumbfounded. His mouth opens and closes again, too confused, too shocked to say anything. 

What? 

Heather and Argyle who feel just as stunned, look at each other with wide eyes. 

‘Holy shit, dude. That is like a soap opera.’ Argyle mouths with a funny look on his face as he points to you and Eddie. 

Heather glares at him, slapping his shoulder lightly. 

With an eye roll, you look away from Eddie and his confused frown. You turn around and walk away, not bearing to stand being in his presence any longer, you brush past your friends and walk into the backroom. Ignoring the guilt that is burning in your chest after seeing the look in Eddie’s eyes. 

His eyes follow you until you disappear into the hallway. He wants to follow you, he wants to move, he wants to confront you, but he stands frozen in place, not knowing what to say or do. 

What the hell just happened? 

Did you really say that?

“What did you do, Munson?” 

Eddie snaps out of his thoughts, turning his head to look at Heather, who is already glaring at him with arms crossed over her chest. The girl had always intimidated him a little, but especially now. 

He looks over at Argyle who looks like he doesn’t know whether to laugh or try to calm his angry girlfriend down as he looks between Heather and him. 

Eddie lifts his shoulders, shrugging with a confused and crestfallen look on his face. He is clueless and lost, not quite understanding what the hell just happened. Nothing you say or do makes sense to him lately. You say you wish you met him first, only to act like nothing happened the next day, like you don’t remember your words from the night you had gotten so drunk. He tried not to think too much into it, even after Dmitri’s encouraging words. You could never feel the same, could you? No. Then he thinks about the previous night, about how upset you seemed after his little sex talk with Steve. Surely you are not upset about the things he did but about the things that Steve did or well, didn’t do with you. Not because of what he did months ago, right? You wouldn’t care. You wouldn’t care about what he did with other girls or maybe you do, just not for the reasons he’d hope. You were – are probably just upset about what he did with strangers, what your own boyfriend never did with you but did with a girl he left you for. 

You wouldn’t be jealous, not over him, right? 

Not that he would ever want you to, he would never want you to feel jealous over him. For him, there is only one girl that he wants and that is you. The girls he had fooled around with, were merely a distraction and long before he had admitted to his feelings. The moment he had looked at you a little longer, felt his heart race a little faster, caught himself thinking about you more than he should have, he tried to distract himself, he tried to be with other girls, ones who were willing to touch ‘the freak’. Though, he could never go all the way, the moment he even felt someone else’s touch on him, pictures of you flashed right before his eyes, as much as he tried to force them away, he couldn’t. He knew he was done for when the thought of fucking some random girl left a bitter taste in his mouth and the thought of you stopped him from even going as far. He stopped it right then and there, despite knowing that he would never get a chance with you. It just felt wrong and not as good as it should have. 

“Who’s pussy did you eat, dude?” Argyle shakes his head at him with both an amused and disapproving look on his face. 

Heather glares at her boyfriend before she redirects her glare at Eddie, feeling the anger rise inside of her. She is not ready to see you pine after another guy who can’t keep it in his pants. Though when she sees the sad and confused look in Eddie’s eyes, her shoulders slump a little. She sighs, dropping her arms by her sides. 

“No one’s – what the fuck,” Eddie mumbles, ready to turn on his heels and run out of here. “That was months ago. I don’t know why she’s so pissed at me.” 

Heather knows. Despite not knowing what happened, she knows why you are so pissed. 

She makes her way over to him, squinting her eyes as she tilts her head. 

“What happened months ago?” 

He sighs, cheeks heating up. He doesn’t want to talk about something so meaningless, let alone with a friend who would probably kill for you. 

“And what happened in general?” She asks, now talking in hushed whispers. “We talked on the phone yesterday, she seemed fine and was excited to see you, so what the hell happened?” 

His heart soars to hear that you were excited to see him. 

He runs his fingers through his messy curls, looking around the record store before he looks back at Heather. 

“We hung out with Robin and Steve. We went back to his place, got high and had a couple of drinks.”

“And?” 

“And then we, fuck,” he sighs. “It doesn’t matter, okay? S-She’s just pissed at me because of what Steve did… or didn’t do.” 

Heather’s brows knit together, a confused look taking over her face. She hates the way she never gets anything out of him or you. You are both so confusing sometimes. 

“I just – I’m gonna go,” he mumbles in defeat but also in anger and frustration, “just tell her to give me a call when she feels okay again.” 

Before she can say or ask anything else, he turns around but not before taking another glance into the hallway, huffing when it stays empty. He opens the door and leaves. 

Heather leans against the counter, rolling her eyes. 

When you walk back out, you look around the store, checking to see if he is still here. You ignore the disappointment and guilt gnawing at your stomach. 

“So…. what happened?” Heather asks you when you start reading your magazine again, as though nothing happened. 

“Nothing.”

“Oh come on,” she groans, throwing her hands up. “Just tell me what happened, you clearly need to let it out!” 

With a sigh, you lean closer to her, not wanting her boyfriend to listen in on this conversation. 

“I didn’t fucking know that men eat pussies.” 

Heather doesn’t want to, she really really doesn’t want to laugh. But, the mix of anger and embarrassment in your eyes, the flustered look on your face along with your choice of words makes it hard for her not to giggle, she manages to suppress it though. 

“He found out that Steve never did anything like that with me and then he bragged about his skills to both Robin and Steve. I thought he was done with it, he told me he wasn’t hooking up with anyone anymore but then I found out that he fooled around two or three months ago, Heather! He fucking fooled around with other girls!” You yell in a whisper, getting angrier and angrier. “He was fucking and doing god knows what w-with – god, I don’t even want to know. But then he got mad at me for kissing Steve! He treated me like shit all day when he found out about the kiss, yet he was doing so much worse!” 

Heather’s eyes widen. Not because of what you told him but because of the look on your face. The anger in your voice. The very clear jealousy and storm raging in your eyes. 

She narrows her eyes when she feels Argyle watching. He begins to whistle, pretending to not watch you throwing a fit. 

“It made me so mad, so fucking mad. I-It’s not even that he fooled around with girls, he was– is single and free to do whatever he wants. It’s just – fuck,” you grab your hair, shaking your head as you close your eyes, trying to take deep breaths. “On top of that, I find out that Steve did everything with Nancy fucking Wheeler.” 

You are frustrated. That much is clear. Angry, jealous and irritated. But there is a different kind of frustration, right now. 

“Babe,” Heather whispers, reaching over the counter, she pulls your hands out of your hair, pulling them down and placing them back on the counter, “breathe with me.” 

You open your eyes, looking into her calm ones. 

“Just take a deep breath,” she repeats. 

“I got a joint for you if you want, y/n,” Argyle says from the other side of the room. 

“Argyle!” Heather snaps, glaring at him again – something that only makes him chuckle in response, shrugging. “She needs to chillax a little.” 

You crack a smile at his words.

“Look! There she is, the first smile of the day, good job, Heather!” He grins at his girlfriend with a thumbs up. 

“You made her smile,” she chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully. She looks back at you. 

“Look, Steve sucks, we all know that.” 

“Sucked.” 

She huffs at your correction. 

“He will always suck to me – but anyways, what I’m trying to say is,” she pauses, holding your hands tighter. “Eddie is not Steve. I know you’re scared to watch the guy you like fool around with other girls, like you had to with Steve back then but, Eddie isn’t him. Besides, didn’t he say it was months ago?” 

“Yeah,” you mumble. “Two or three months ago.” 

“See, that’s a long time for a guy, trust me,” she mutters with wide eyes. “It didn’t happen recently, it happened months ago. He stopped for a reason, besides I don’t think there’s a reason for you to feel jealous. I know you like Eddie–”

“I don’t like Eddie,” you blush. 

“Sure you’re don’t, y/n,” Argyle chuckles, not even hiding the fact that he is listening in on your conversation. “You’re not fooling anyone, neither is Eddie. You’re both idiots.”

You frown at his words.

“Don’t listen to him” Heather shakes her head. “Listen, I get why you’re upset but, you need to learn how to speak up and talk about whatever is bothering you. You never talked to Steve, you always kept it all to yourself, which I get because he was a douchebag to you the few times you did open up. But, don’t do the same with Eddie. He cares about you, a lot.”

You look down, guiltily. 

“Don’t feel bad,” Heather sighs, squeezing your hands. “I think he deserved that little cold shoulder, he did the same to you,” she shrugs. “But seriously, just talk to him. Being the on the receiving end of the cold shoulder fucking sucks, you know that.”

“Yeah,” you whisper. “I-I just don't know what to say Heather. Whatever I will say will make me sound like some jealous lovesick idiot.” 

She raises her brows, “are you lovesick?” 

You shake your head at her, though she can see you blushing. You are afraid of the feelings you had developed for Eddie, the ones you haven’t even fully admitted to yet. 

“Well, start with an apology and explain to him why you were angry. That it was unfair of him to treat you like that after the kiss with Steve when he was doing, well, that..” 

You nod.

“Talk to him, go to the hideout, after work. We both know you want to.” 

“Us three know, you want to,” Argyle corrects her. 

“Yeah, yeah. Us three,” she laughs. 

You snort, shaking your head at them both. 

“I don’t know,” you mumble. “What if he doesn’t want to see me? I was a bitch to him.”

Argyle snorts, “girl, he came here all the way just to spend his lunch break with you and he looked like a poor little kitten who was kicked to the curb by his owner. He does want to see you.” 

“I-I don’t know.” 

“Y/n,” Heather sighs.

“I just, I didn’t bring my car and I don’t want to walk all the way there.”

She knows that you are trying to make up excuses because you are too afraid to face him now after what happened. 

“I’ll give you a ride in the coolest pizza van ever,” Argyle grins, “it’s supposed to storm later, wouldn’t want you to walk home in the rain, anyways,” he shrugs as he finally walks up to the counter, throwing his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder, he grins at you. 

“See, you got a driver and a few hours to calm down!” Heather says with a big smile on her face. “Now let’s go before she says no,” she turns to her boyfriend, letting go of your hands to grab his, she starts to drag him out of the store. 

“Oh,” Argyle chuckles, “see ya later!” 

“Yeah bye,” you sigh, already dreading the moment you will have to face Eddie. 

You busy yourself with the new records that came in today, trying to ignore the abandoned cup of coffee on the counter, but you keep looking at it, feeling worse and worse the more time passes by. 

Eddie didn’t deserve the way you treated him. Even when he was once a dick to you, he still didn’t deserve it. But anger controlled you and maybe a pinch of jealousy. Eddie is single but that won’t stay that way forever. He might not be around for you, forever. Someday, someone will come into his life and steal his heart, someone he will fall for, someone he will leave you for. The thought of it, puts a frown on your face. Imagining him with another girl leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, it makes your insides feel as though they’re twisting and catching on fire. You hate it. You hate the thought of him with someone else. 

But it will happen someday. Anyday. 

A mix of emotions run through you all day and it almost becomes unbearable on the drive to the hideout. Neither Argyle’s attempts at making you laugh with his silly jokes or his music manage to calm you down. Nothing manages to make you feel better in the slightest. By the time you jump out of the van, your hands are shaking and your heart is pounding. 

What if he doesn’t want to see you? 

What if he is angry at you? 

What if you just ruined a friendship that means everything to you?

The rain is pouring, forcing you to find shelter quickly. Normally, you would’ve given yourself at least five minutes to calm down before walking inside but you refuse to walk in looking like a wet dog. 

With shaky hands, you open the door and step inside, ignoring the raindrops rolling down your cheeks. You take a few deep breaths, pulling the jacket tighter around your body. You look towards the little booth you usually sit at, only to find it empty. 

You swallow nervously, furrowing your brows. 

The sound of a girl's laughter pulls your attention towards the bar and for a moment, your heart stops beating, your breath hitches in your throat. Unable to move, you stand frozen in place with hands that shake for different reasons other than nervousness now. 

Eddie is sitting at the bar, talking to some girl. She touches his arm, leaning closer to him. You hear her giggle and you see his smile and that is enough for you to regret even thinking of coming here. Of course, he went out to find someone else the moment you rejected his invitation. 

Your heart starts pounding again, your throat feels tight, too tight. You can’t bear to stare at the sight in front of you any longer. To see him smile at someone like this, to see someone else touching him, to see him so happy with someone other than you. 

The moment you hear his laughter is the moment you know you’re done for. It’s too late to come back from this now. It’s too late to try and keep your heart safe from yet another heartbreak. It’s too late to stop yourself from falling because you already fell. And you lost, again. 

Tears prickle in your eyes, your bottom lip starts trembling. 

The urge to walk over to him feels strong, too strong. But you fight it, not wanting to make a fool out of yourself, you turn around and storm out of the bar, not caring about the pouring rain. You step out into the cold, letting the rain crash down on you. 

You don’t even acknowledge his van as you walk past it. 

You’re blinking away the tears, not wanting them to fall. The feeling of dread, anger and sadness is starting to consume you, again. It feels like Halloween night, all over again. 

The door slams open behind you and footsteps echo through the empty streets. You keep walking, not bothering to look back, not even when you hear his voice calling your name. Only when he catches up to you, blocking your path by standing in front of you do you stop walking. 

You see the irritation in his features, the confusion as he stares you down. 

He is trying to shield himself from the rain but to no avail, his bangs are already sticking to his forehead. 

“I called your name!” 

You huff, trying to step around him, but he only moves in front of you again. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” He finally snaps. “Where are you going!?”

“Home!” You try to walk past him once again, but Eddie is stubborn, not letting you go. You huff in anger, looking up into his eyes with a glare, “Go back to your girl, I don’t want to be the one getting in the way of you and some pussy, Munson!” 

His eyes flash with confusion, darkening in frustration. 

“I– what!?” 

You shake your head at him, scoffing at his faked confusion. 

“Get out of the way.” 

“What!? No!” He shakes his head, wanting nothing more than to take your hand and drag you towards his van but he doesn’t want to startle you in this moment, not after what happened with Ray. 

You clench your jaw, glaring at him. You watch how his breathing gets heavier and heavier, how he glares into your eyes with both anger and frustration. 

Something like this has never happened before. 

You had never gotten into a fight before. Not once. 

“Get in the van, sweetheart.” 

The nickname that usually rolls off his tongue so sweetly, sounding so bitterly now. 

You shake your head. 

He huffs, looking away for a moment, he suddenly no longer feels the cold rain on his skin, the goosebumps underneath his clothes. He only feels the irritation rushing through him. He looks back at you, staring at the frown on your face, the furrowed brows, the pursed lip, the way you’re breathing so heavily. 

You are angry and so is he, he is fuming. 

“I’m not letting you go until you get in the damn van.” 

You cross your arms over your chest, not minding the pouring rain, at all. 

“No.” 

He stares at you in disbelief. Who would’ve thought that you could be such a brat?

He takes a step closer, looking down at you, “get in the van,” he says, slowly. 

Eddie expects you to stay stubborn, to shake your head and continue to argue with him on that. To his surprise, you drop your arms to your sides and turn around but not without an eye roll. 

He shakes his head at the attitude you’re still giving him, the one that got even worse. He reaches for his car keys, following you to his van. Despite his anger, he still walks over to the passenger side, opening the door for you. The rain dripples down your face, you get in the van with a mad look on your face, not even sparing him a glance. 

Another huff falls from his lips when you continue to ignore him. He closes the door, not wanting to stand longer in the rain than he has to, he rushes over to the driver's side, quickly getting in. 

He pushes the key into the ignition, starting it but not moving to start driving yet. He looks over at you after taking a deep breath. You’re staring out the window, not moving, not speaking, not turning to look at him the way you usually do, even your knees are pointed away from him. 

“Are you gonna talk to me?” He asks as he grabs the steering wheel. 

Silence. 

He closes his eyes, shaking his head. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong, at least?” 

You only shift in your seat, huffing. He notices how fast you’re blinking, how you keep pressing your lips together to keep them from trembling. His eyes soften a little when he realizes that you are trying to blink away the tears that are threatening to fall. 

“Can you just drive me home?” You ask in annoyance. 

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you for a long minute, trying to figure you out. He feels restless, his heart is pounding and he dreads the moment he has to drop you off at home, knowing that this will stay unresolved, but what can he do? 

With a sigh, he turns away from you, he doesn’t even bother to turn up the music when he starts driving. For the first few minutes, the car ride is spent in silence. There is a storm raging in his mind, a million questions running through it, ones that he will find no answers for himself. 

You are silent. You are never this silent. You always talk to him, you never ever ignore him. 

“What the hell is going on, y/n?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road. “Are you ever gonna speak to me again or are you gonna continue to act like a goddamn brat?” 

The faintest scoff sounds through the space between you, though this is all he gets out of you. 

He clenches his jaw and holds the steering wheel even tighter than before, he taps his finger against it, getting jumpy the harder his heart starts pounding. He doesn’t want to leave things unresolved. He doesn’t want to drop you off at home like this. He doesn’t want to deal with this tension, this anger from you any longer. He can’t take it. He can’t take the cold shoulder, not from you.

But he feels so powerless, not knowing what he did wrong, not knowing what he did to make you so angry. 

“What is wrong with you!? I invited you tonight, and you clearly rejected the invitation! You’ve been acting like a total bitch to me since yesterday night at Steve’s!” 

Not a single word leaves your mouth. He tries, he really tries to stay calm but he’s scared. He’s fucking scared that he messed it up without realizing that he did. 

In his state of anger and panic, he pulls the car off the road, slamming the brakes as he brings the car to a stop. He unbuckles the seatbelt, briefly glancing at you to find you staring at him in confusion. 

Oh, so now you’re finally fucking looking at him?

He gets out of the car, ignoring the way you mumble his name or the way you look at him with those big irresistible eyes. He stands beneath the pouring rain, not caring about the risk of catching a cold. He needs to cool off. He needs to breathe. He needs to think. 

He starts pacing back and forth, breathing heavily, thinking too much, too hard. 

He hears the door slamming and when he opens his eyes, he sees you standing there, even in the darkness, he can see the confused look, that same one that he has been wearing all day. Not just today, for the past few weeks. 

“Get back in the van!” 

He almost wants to laugh. 

“Seriously, come back, Eddie!” 

He won’t stop pacing, he keeps looking at you, at the way you’re standing there, not moving. 

“You make me so fucking mad and confused sometimes!” He yells over the loud rain. 

He sees the way you draw back, the way you look so offended for a second, before you start making your way over to him. 

“I make you confused? With what!?”

“Y-You tell me you wish you met me first, what the fuck does that even mean!?” He throws his hands up, he finally stops pacing. “You act like it never happened, like you never even said it. I-I don’t understand what is going on anymore! Why are you so fucking angry at me?”

You tense up, not daring to say anything. 

Eddie wants and needs an answer, he deserves one. You owe it to him. His brown eyes are filled with anger but they are also pleading. You have to tell him the truth but you can’t do that, despite what Heather said, you can’t do it. You’re scared.

You look down, huffing with your shoulders slumped, “fine, if you won’t drive me home, I’ll walk,” you say, stubbornly as you take a few steps before he jumps in front of you again.

He scoffs in disbelief, “oh, you’re not going anywhere until we work this out!” 

“Eddie–”

“I’m done with you running away from everything!”

“I’m not running.” 

He shakes his head at you, “no? Then what do you call this then, sweetheart? You keep running away when things get difficult or confusing but please, just this once, don’t run, don’t walk away from me,” he pleads, wanting nothing more than to take your hands in his.

You look up, finally meeting his eyes again. 

His hair no longer holds the volume from before, it’s drenched, water dripping from it, his face is soaked from the rain, his eyes blazing with anger and frustration, your eyes move to his lips and you once again, feel the fluttering in your chest, that you try to ignore, especially now. 

“You never say how you really feel, you never give the whole truth, you make me all confused and leave me hanging, all the damn time!” 

You shake your head, “when did I ever leave you hanging!?” 

He raises his brows, eyes widening as he looks at you in both disbelief and confusion. 

“How about the time you avoided me after you kissed Steve? Or the time you just disappeared on me for a whole week–”

“I called you every night!” You yell with a frown on your face. 

“Yeah? Well, you never told me why you suddenly needed to stop seeing me!” 

You swallow and look away, something that makes him roll his eyes. 

“Or the time you told me you wish you met me first? I-It’s been fucking with my mind ever since and I can’t make sense of it! You said these words to me and then passed out and the next day, you acted like nothing fucking happened!” 

You close your eyes, bouncing your knee and digging your nails into your palms. 

“Why does that matter now?” You ask, getting irritated the longer you stay out here, the longer you feel the clothes sticking to your cold skin. 

Eddie can’t explain the rage that is cursing through his veins. It isn’t directed at you but at the feelings he can’t set free because he can’t ruin this thing between you even more.

“It matters to me!” He yells, sounding desperate to know the truth. “Why do you say these things to me? Why are you so angry at me? Why aren’t you fucking talking to me?” 

You snap your head up, hating the way your heart is filled with so much fear or the way your body won’t stop shaking. He looks so angry at you – he is angry with you and your silence. 

“You never give me a chance to know what you’re angry about! But fuck, this time you are getting into my fucking nerves because you – I don’t know why you are so mad and why you keep being so cold towards me when I didn’t do shit!” He exclaims, feeling like his heart is about to jump out. 

He is angry, but he is mostly scared. Scared to lose you. 

You look offended by his words and despite it, you move closer and closer to him, drawn into him like a magnet despite the anger that should push you away, the way it always pushed you away from Steve for a little while before he’d come back asking for forgiveness. 

“Oh, so I’m cold now!? So you can be mad at me and act cold whenever you want, but I fucking can’t!?” 

He knows what you’re talking about. He knows exactly what you’re talking about. And as he looks into your eyes and he sees something else besides anger, he slowly begins to understand. He looks into your eyes, he watches the way the drops of rain run down your cheeks, the way your angry eyes are filled with unshed tears, the way you are so much closer than before, the way your chest is rising up and down heavily as you stare at him intensely, eyes scanning his whole face. 

He feels desperate. He wants and needs to fix this, he needs you to explain to him what happened so he can fix it, he needs you to stay, he needs you to stay with him. He can’t lose you. 

You stare at his lips for a long time, you listen to the way your heart is pounding, to the way your hands itch to touch his skin, despite the situation you find yourself in, despite the anger that is still cursing through your veins. 

You can’t bear this any longer. You can’t take this, not with him. You are so sick of the fighting. You are sick of being scared. You are sick of losing. You are sick of wondering and never taking action. 

“I at least explained to you why! You are afraid of telling me your reasons, and I honestly have no clue what your deal is! So can you please just tell me–”

You cup his cheeks and pull him down, not wasting a second, you smash your lips against his, not letting yourself second guess it any longer. You finally do it. You kiss him. 

You kiss Eddie. 

With your eyes closed and your body almost pressed against his, you move your lips against his as you hold his face with your hands, getting lost in the feeling of kissing your best friend, not even noticing how still his body is. 

Eddie stands frozen in place. His eyes are wide, his heart is racing like crazy. He stares at you, not quite understanding what is happening, not believing what is happening. Is this real? Is he real? Are you real? Are you really kissing him? Is this really happening?

This is everything he ever wanted. To feel your lips on his. To find out what it’s like to kiss you, even if just for one time. 

As you stand here, kissing him under the pouring rain that is crashing down on the both of you, Eddie can’t believe that this isn’t something out of his dreams. Not even the cold rain can pull him out of his trance, not even the racing of his heart can pull him out of whatever shock he is under. 

Only when your lips stop moving and you shakily remove your hands from his face, you open your eyes, almost fearfully. You get flustered, so so flustered. Your eyes scan his whole face and he notices how anxious you now look. You swallow as your brows pinch together, a look of rejection flashes in your eyes as they begin to tear up. You blink, opening and closing your mouth. You take a small step back from him as your shoulders slump. You look crestfallen and that finally causes him to snap out of it. 

You blink, trying to hide the tears that are about to spill. 

He doesn’t want you. He never wanted you. What ever made you think that he could want you? Who does? Who could ever want you? 

You take another step back, raising your hands towards your lips, “I-I’m s–” 

Before you can even utter another word, Eddie takes two steps forward, he cups your cheeks, not letting you move away or doubt yourself any longer, not wasting another second, he leans down and he crashes his lips onto yours, taking your breath away with only the feeling of his lips moving against yours, you can’t even stop the gasp from escaping despite having kissed him just now. But you easily melt into his touch and against his lips. Your eyes close and you kiss him back in an instant. The softest sigh falls from his lips when you start to kiss each other like you’ve always wanted to. It’s soft and slow at first. His thumbs linger on your cheekbones, your hands are now pressed against his chest, you can feel his heart pounding loudly,matching the pace of your own. The softest sigh escapes your lips, enough to make Eddie weak in the knees. You are both savoring this feeling, the feeling of the way your lips move against one another, the feeling of your bodies pressed together, the fluttering of your hearts, the joy inside of you. 

Eddie already knew that he was done for before this. But now, he is ruined and he doesn’t mind it for a single second. Even if you are only giving him a taste of this, even if this is the one and only kiss, he will die a happy man. He doesn’t know whether he feels like crying tears of joy or screaming in happiness when he feels you deepening the kiss, still going slow and soft as before but wanting more, more, more. He can feel you holding back. 

His hands leave your face, slipping down your – his soaked denim jacket, he squeezes your arms before his hands find their way to your waist. 

He could stand here forever, just kissing you underneath the stormy sky. Embracing the tingly feeling you leave his lips with, the giddiness in his stomach, the racing in his heart. He doesn’t want this to end, even when he’s getting breathless, he doesn’t want it to end. He just wants to keep kissing you. He just wants to keep feeling your lips moving against his, he wants to feel your hands on his chest, your body pressed against his, your breath on his skin, the taste of strawberries on your lips. He wants this to keep going. He doesn’t want this to end. 

But neither do you. 

You pull away from each other and open your eyes at the same time, both gasping for air as you stare at each other wide eyed. Your chests are rising up and down heavily. Rain is dripping down both your bodies but neither of you feel the coldness of it. You only feel each other. You only see each other. 

You only see him. You only feel him. His lips are parted, his cheeks are flushed, he is staring at you, eyes scanning your whole face. He wants more. You can tell by the look in his eyes as he stares at your lips, wanting to smash his against yours again, wanting to kiss you harder. 

And you want it too. 

You want more. 

You want him. 

All of him. 

You can sense each other’s desperation and this time, you both crash into each other after a long moment of heavy silence. You throw your arms around his neck as he tightens his grip on your waist, pulling you flush against him as your lips meet, once again. This kiss is unlike the first one or the second one. This kiss is filled with so much desperation, longing, and raw lust, it’s rough and everything you’ve ever wanted to feel. You moan at the feeling of his ringed fingers digging into your skin and his plump lips kissing you so roughly and passionately. 

Eddie still struggles to believe that this is actually happening, that you are kissing him, that you are letting him slip his tongue past your lips, that you are moaning against his lips, that you are letting him slam your back against the side of his van, only for you to dig your fingers into his hair, pulling and tugging at his wet curls. 

He moans into the kiss when you bite his lower lip, catching him off guard a little by the roughness of your touch. You press yourself against him, sighing and fucking whimpering for him. 

One thing is for certain, the friendship is ruined. 

Your tongues clash together, your noses bump into each other as the kiss gets rougher and rougher. Both of you are breathing heavily, neither of you want to move away but when the lack of air gets too much again, you part away from the kiss but Eddie can’t stop, he brushes your hair to the side and leans down to press his lips against your jaw, kissing his way down to your neck. 

“Eddie,” you moan in need, closing your eyes and biting your bottom lip when you feel his lips on your sweet spot. You keep your hands around his neck, keeping yourself pressed against his body. You have to squeeze your thighs together when you feel him against your stomach, when you feel his lips sucking on your skin, when you hear his moans as he starts pleading for you. 

“God, I have to have you, baby,” he murmurs against your neck. “I need you.”�� 

He is asking, begging for you. 

Your stomach flutters and your knees almost buckle. 

You want him too. You need him too. 

You reach for his face, cupping his cheeks as you lean in, desperately kissing his lips again. 

“The back,” you whisper against his lips, pecking them. “The back of the van, now.”

His lips twitch as his eyes light up, you keep pecking his lips, “please.”

He takes your hand, dragging you towards the back of the van, almost shaking from excitement. He opens the door and grabs your waist, “c’mere,” he murmurs as he pulls your back flush against his chest, pressing his lips to your neck before he urges you inside. Your stomach flips at the thought of what is about to happen. You bite your lip as you bend down, crawling inside, onto the mountain of blankets and pillows you and Eddie have put in here, months ago. Your palms land on the gray pillows as you crawl forward. 

Eddie’s eyes widen, his breath hitches in his throat when your short skirt rides up, exposing your black thong to him. His mouth waters and his pants suddenly feel ten times tighter than they did five seconds ago. 

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, swallowing harshly.  

Who would’ve thought that his sweet best friend wears lacy black thongs underneath her short little skirts. Fuck. A few months back you were wearing polka dot underwear with cute little bows. He only knows that cause he accidentally walked in on you changing, a few times. Something that led to uncomfortable situations for him. 

Snapping out of his thoughts when your desperate eyes meet his, he finally follows you inside, closing the door behind him when you suddenly reach forward and eagerly grab him by the cuffs on his belt, earning a surprised moan from him when you pull him down, on top of you, not giving him the time to react before you slam your lips back against his. With one hand on the pillow beside you and the other cupping your cheek, Eddie kisses you back, savoring the feeling of your sighs and moans, the feeling of your hands on him, as they start to explore his body, moving down his shoulders and arms as you start tugging on his jacket. 

“Off,” you murmur between pecks. “Take it off.” 

His heart flutters at the eagerness behind your soft voice. Without breaking the kiss, he takes it off, throwing the soaked leather jacket to the side before he lets himself get lost in the feeling of you. 

Eddie feels like his heart might explode from how hard it is beating inside his chest, your soft moans are driving him insane, your touches, the way you run your fingers down his arms before they find their way to his waist, pulling him closer and closer until his body is flush against yours. 

He allows his hands to wander, moving them down to your chest and stomach, basking in the feeling of your hands gripping his sides harder when he slips his cold hand underneath your shirt. 

You are the first to break the kiss, you open your eyes as he does too, both of you are breathing heavily.

Eddie stares at the lust in your eyes, the pupils that have widened, leaving almost none of the color behind. Your lips are swollen from the kisses, wet hair already a mess, you are breathing heavily, tugging at his shirt. Eddie adores you. He really fucking adores you. He wants nothing more than to rip your clothes off and worship you. 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie breathes. “Are you–”

“Fuck me,” you whisper before he can even ask the stupid question. “Fuck me, Eddie. Please.” 

Yeah, he for sure, died and somehow went to heaven. He is convinced of it. 

Your skin feels on fire. Despite the cold rain you’ve been standing under for the past few minutes, your skin feels on fire. Your heart is racing, not out of fear or heartbreak. No, it’s racing because of Eddie. You want him. You need him inside of you. Your body is aching for him. You are so lust filled – in a way you have never been before. 

Eddie’s cheeks are flushed, you can see it as you lay beneath the small string of fairy lights on the roof of his van. His eyes are black. His skin feels just as hot as yours. His strong hands are still on your stomach but you want them elsewhere. 

“Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming about this, princess.”

You are aching. Absolutely aching for him. 

Eddie kisses your lips, your cheek, your jaw, your neck as his hands start to push at the denim jacket, desperately wanting you out of it. 

“C’mere,” he murmurs, grabbing at your waist, he pulls you up with him, so he can take your clothes off. You spread your legs over his lap, watching the way his eyes fall to your exposed thighs as your skirt rides up. His eager hands get rid of the wet denim still covering your body, he throws it next to his leather jacket. His lips twitch, curling into a smirk as you start pulling his shirt over his head, feeling just as eager as he does. You throw it down, not caring where it lands. 

You swallow as you take in the sight of his naked upper body. The chest you've looked at many times makes your skin burn now, the tattoos that linger on his pale skin now look delicious, and you just want your hands all over him. You lick your lips as you lean closer to him, stomach fluttering at the sound of his breath hitching when you press your lips to the tattoo on his chest, keeping your eyes on his. 

Eddie’s heart makes a jump, the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. He grabs your sides harder. 

“Fuck,” he sighs in content, trying to keep his eyes from shutting when you start to kiss your way up to his neck. “Y-You’re driving me crazy today, sweetheart. C-Can’t believe this is real.”

“You’ve been driving me crazy too, Eddie,” you mumble into his neck as you start sucking. “Why did you talk to her like that? You’re mine.”

Eddie’s eyes widen, a gasp nearly tears out of his mouth. 

Did you really just say that?

You suck harder, fingers digging into his scalp as you tilt his head to the side, needing more access to his neck. You switch between soft and rough kisses, gentle pecks and just sucking away like a vampire who’s starved.

“Mine.” 

Eddie’s heart nearly explodes. This has to be a dream, a very very good fever dream. He is surprised by the roughness of your touch and by your words, words that aren’t directed at Steve Harrington but at him. 

You’re surprised by yourself but your mind is in a haze, your blood pumping from all the adrenaline, you couldn’t care less about showing how jealous you were, how possessive you are of him. He wants you just as much as you want him, you don’t have to be afraid anymore, you don’t have to fear that this might push him away, you don’t have to hide your true feelings anymore, not the way you did with him. 

You can be jealous, possessive, angry, selfish, a goddamn brat. It won’t push him away. With Steve, you always had to be the good girl, the silent one, the one that was afraid to show her true side because you knew that it would push him away. 

But not him. Never him. 

“I’m all yours,” he breathes as he grabs your cheeks, pulling you back so he can see your face again. “I’m yours. I’ve always been yours, sweetheart.” And with that, he slams his lips back against yours, crashing them onto yours, earning a loud moan from you. He kisses you messily. Not knowing that his words make your heart feel more alive than ever. 

You smile into the kiss when his hands start to roam your body, sliding down your back and grabbing your ass, fighting to urge to push his hand under your skirt just yet, but the thought of your little black thong makes him groan into the kiss, especially when your hand slides down his stomach and you press your palm against his bulge, tearing another groan out of him. He starts playing with the hem of your shirt, slowly pushing it up, his fingertips graze your bare skin, causing you to shudder. You pull away so he can take your shirt off, leaving you in just your lacy bra. He pecks your lips one more time before he pulls back to take a look at you. 

“Oh fuck,” Eddie whispers as he takes in the sight of you, nearly moaning in desperation. He saw you in a bikini before, he saw this much skin before, but it’s not the same. It’s different. This is different. Your chest is only covered by black lace, your skin is glistening beneath the dim lights hanging above you, you are breathing heavily, staring at him with wide eyes, begging for his touch. Your hair is sticking to your skin, your lipstick is smudged, you look like the prettiest girl in the world. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispers, staring at you with nothing but awe in his eyes. 

You are blushing at his words, and yet, you are the one to take him by surprise again when you lean in to kiss his chest, but not staying there for long, opting to kiss down his stomach as you begin to unbuckle his belt, moving lower and lower. 

His eyes widen when he realizes what you are trying to do. You want to suck him off. His cock twitches at the thought of your pretty lips around him but before he can let his thoughts get any further, he grabs you by your elbows and pulls you back up. As much as he is dying to let one of his fantasies become reality, he’d rather bring another, bigger one to life. 

“Nope.”

A frown takes over your face and you look up with a pout on your lips, one that makes it impossible not to kiss you. 

“I need to taste you, sweetheart.” He gently pushes you back down, making sure that your head hits the softest pillow, he steals another kiss. “Please, let me be the first to taste you.” 

His brown eyes look into yours, waiting for approval, waiting for you to say ‘yes’. It doesn’t take you long to answer, you nod your head quickly, begging with your eyes. 

“Can I take this off?” He asks as he grabs at your chest, squeezing your boobs, pulling another loud moan out of you. 

“Do whatever you want to me, Eddie,” you whine as you let all the frustration, all the pent up tension that’s been building up in the past few months, out.  “Please, just, please do something.” 

His stomach makes a somersault at your words, he is almost in disbelief of what the night has turned into, but for now, he pushes the shock aside and only focuses on you. He unclasps your bra with little effort, peppering your shoulder and your chest with kisses as he pushes the straps down your arms and takes the flimsy material off. 

“God,” he groans as he feels the uncomfortable strain in his jeans that have gotten way too fucking tight. “I knew they would look good, but never this, baby,” he moans as he grabs your boobs, leaning down, without wasting another second, he takes one nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking around it. 

“E-Eddie!” You gasp. 

His hand trails down your stomach, past your skirt that he flips over so he can touch you. He cups your pussy and he can’t even suppress the moan when he feels how much you have soaked through the thin material of your thong. He pushes it to the side, letting his fingers glide through your wet folds. 

“Please,” you whine, bucking your hips into his hand. “More!”

He smirks as he keeps sucking on your nipple, teasing your soaked entrance with his fingertips before he brings them up to your clit. 

“You’re so wet, sweetheart.”

Your eyes close and your lips press together harshly when you feel him rubbing your clit in slow, torturous circles, stopping only to tease your entrance the same way. It only lasts for a moment though when he gets just as impatient as you are. He releases your nipple with a pop!, trailing kisses down your stomach. 

You push yourself up on your elbows, blushing like crazy, the closer he gets to your heat, the longer he keeps looking into your eyes, even when he settles between your thighs. Fuck. You are aching for this – you have been aching for his touch for a long time now. Who would’ve thought that you would ever get him like this? 

Eddie takes his sweet time with you, getting rid of your skirt first before he hooks his fingers around your panties, yanking them down slowly. Your breathing picks up and your cheeks feel hotter than ever. Even in the haze of lust, you feel a little shy and nervous, having never done this before. All kinds of questions start running through your mind, filling you with sudden doubts – ones that Eddie quickly shuts down. 

“Fuck me,” he groans, almost drooling at the sight of your glistening pussy. “You’re so pretty.” He takes you off guard by licking a stripe up from your hole to your clit. “You taste so sweet too,” he moans as he repeats it again. 

“Eddie!” You gasp as you try to close your thighs, only for him to spread them open again. 

“Keep your legs open for me, baby,” Eddie groans, wanting nothing more than to just bury his face in your pussy and make you scream and cry until you’re begging him to fuck you – and that is just what he does. He grabs your thighs roughly, throwing your legs over his shoulders as he buries his face in your cunt. 

He teases your clit first, licking around it, sucking on it as he keeps his eyes on you, the whole fucking time. Wanting, needing to see you fall apart for him. You moan loudly, he keeps his lips attached to your clit as his fingers slip inside of you, slowly, stretching you open. 

You squeeze your legs shut around his head, elbows buckling when he starts fingering you. His fingers certainly reach deeper inside of you than your own. 

“Mmmh, Eddie.” 

Eddie’s cock is twitching, begging for release. You are moaning his name and he didn’t even get started. He slowly starts to pump his fingers in and out of your sopping pussy. Licking down your center and slipping his tongue inside of you. You expect him to replace his fingers with his tongue but instead, he fucks you with both. 

“That feels so good, Eddie! D-Don’t stop – please don’t stop!” You whine, a little shyly. He sees the flustered look on your face but the lust is stronger than any other emotion inside of you, right now.

He groans when you clench around his fingers but start grinding against his hand.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, princess.”

“I– you – ah!” You gasp, squeezing your eyes shut and letting your head hit the pillow, you dig your nails into the blanket. 

The van is filled with moans from both you and Eddie, heavy breathing and the wet noises of his fingers slamming in and out of you. 

Eddie has to restrain himself from grinding down against the blanket but you make it really hard not to. He keeps his eyes on you, watching the way you pinch your brows together as you bite your lip, still letting moans and whimpers fall, though. He sees the way you're gripping the blanket tightly, but he craves to feel you tugging and pulling his hair, something that Eddie wouldn’t allow anyone else to do. He reaches his hand out, wrapping it around your wrist, he guides it towards his wet curls and you instantly grab at them, earning a low growl from him.

He switches between licking and fucking you with his tongue and you can’t help but gasp and whimper at every flick of his tongue. This is unlike anything you have ever felt before. The feeling of his tongue slipping in and out of your wet hole, his thumb rubbing your clit, his moans that add even more to the pleasure. 

“You have no idea what you do to me, baby,” he murmurs. “I can’t believe that this is happening, that you’re letting me do this.”

You pull his hair harder and buck your hips up against his face. Your walls flutter around his fingers, your eyes sting with tears from the pleasure that he is giving you. You force your eyes to stay open, wanting to look into his as he keeps staring at you. You open your mouth to speak when he suddenly tears a gasp out of you, by curling his fingers, reaching so deep inside of you that you almost sob from how good it feels. 

“Eddie! What – oh fuck!” You whimper, looking down at him through your blurry vision. You watch him fuck you with both his tongue and fingers, tearing high pitched moans out of you when you feel how deep his fingers are inside of you. Knuckles deep. And you can’t help but grind against his hand, holding onto his hair so tightly as you squeeze your eyes shut, enjoying the feeling of Eddie eating you out so desperately and eagerly. 

He watches the way you try to say something only to be cut off by your own moans and whimpers, you turn into a blubbering mess when his fingers find your g-spot and his thumb rubs circles on your swollen clit. This is all he ever wanted. To worship you. To taste your sweetness on his tongue, his newest addiction. The fact that he gets to be the first makes it all even more special, you definitely won’t forget this. 

Who would’ve thought that your jealousy would bring the two of you to do this. 

He licks your pussy, moaning as though it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted. He is holding your legs tighter now as he eagerly eats you out, shaking his head as he moves his tongue in a way you can’t even explain, you can only whimper out his name, pulling his hair harshly as you squeeze your eyes shut, feeling the tension in your stomach becoming stronger and stronger. 

Waves of pleasure run through your body, you’re getting closer and closer. You are falling apart, barely able to keep your shaking body still as you feel his fingers pumping deeper, tongue moving faster, his moans adding to the pleasure. You squeeze your legs shut around his head, opening your eyes to look down at him, the look in his almost black eyes, the desperation and lust behind him is what throws you over the edge. 

It’s Eddie. Eddie who cared for you since the beginning. Eddie who protected you from the moment you two started talking. Eddie who unconditionally was beside you through ice and fire.

“I’m gonna – Eddie!” A loud yelp escapes you when you can no longer hold it back, he flicks his tongue again, making you cum in a way that has you seeing stars. He laps up everything you give him, eyes almost rolling back when he continues to taste you. 

You chant his name, over and over again, making the strain in his pants more uncomfortable than ever. He doesn’t want to stop, he wants to keep going, he wants to keep tasting you but when you desperately tug at his hair and murmur a whiny ‘I need you’, he presses a kiss to your clit, smirking at the way you whimper his name as he starts to kiss his way back up your body.  

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, not even fazed by the juices dripping down his chin. You wrap your legs around his waist and bring him closer, both of you moaning at the feeling of his dick pressed against you. 

“Still jealous?” He smirks. 

“Shut up,” you frown as you pull him in for another kiss. 

“You don’t have a reason to feel jealous, I want you, I only ever wanted you.”

Your heart skips a beat at the confession, eyes widening and softening at the same time. 

“And what about those girls you’ve been with?” 

He kisses your lips, “I never thought you’d want me back, I tried to distract myself but it never worked so I stopped.”

Your heart flutters in your chest, your lips twitch, you can’t help but smile as you pull him in for another, deeper kiss, one that he reciprocates right away. 

With one hand on your cheek and the other playing with your boob, he flicks his tongue against yours, moaning and whimpering for more. 

“I need you,” you whisper against his lips. “I need you inside of me, Eddie.”

His eyes light up and his dick twitches at your words. He never thought he'd hear these words from you. 

“Are you sure, sweetheart?”

“Please.” 

You push your hands down his body, grabbing at his belt again, you start fumbling with it, wanting to get rid of his pants quickly. He helps you, not stopping with the kisses even when he takes the rest of his clothes off. 

Realization rushes through him and he groans in annoyance. 

“Fuck, I don’t have a condom.” 

He watches the way your lips curl into a smirk. 

“We don’t need one. I never stopped taking the pill.”

His eyes darken even more, his stomach flips. 

“Shit sweetheart, you can’t just say that to me,” he groans at the thought of fucking you without one. This night keeps getting better and better. 

You giggle and catch him by surprise when you flip him over and get on top of him, straddling him. You wrap your hand around his cock, nearly gasping at the size. Pre cum is already leaking out of his tip and rolling down his length, you have to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from moaning. You need him inside of you, now. You press your hand on his tattooed chest, fingers grazing the chain around his neck as you slowly sink down on his cock, not wanting to waste another second. He stretches you open and you welcome it, loving the way it feels to be filled by him. 

You miss the way he stares at you in awe, the way he takes in the sight of you on top of him, the way you shut your eyes and moan loudly as you take in more and more of him, the way you bite your swollen lip as you moan for him.  

His eyes are wide, his dick is already twitching inside of you, the feeling of your tight, wet walls engulfing him almost throws him over the edge already because fuck, it’s you on top of him, it’s you sinking down on his cock, it’s you. He can’t believe that this is real, that this isn’t just another one of his dreams. 

“Mhmm Eddie,” you moan as you slam down onto his cock, letting him split you open. 

The moment he feels you clenching around him, he gasps, snapping out of his trance, he sits up, grabbing your hips roughly to keep you from moving. 

You open your eyes, a flash of insecurity washing over your face. 

“W-What, don’t you like–”

“Sweetheart, if you move right now, I’m gonna fucking bust, give me a second,” he whimpers, closing his eyes as he tries to concentrate on not cumming too quickly. He leans closer, pressing his chest against yours as he slides his hands up your bare back, pressing his lips to your skin. Kissing your throat, your neck, your jaw and down your chest. 

You wrap your arms around him, leaning closer, you bury your face in his neck, giving him a second to adjust to the feeling. You breathe in his scent, his cologne, his aftershave, the smell of cigarettes that always lingers. You kiss his skin and suck on it a little, wanting nothing more than to mark him up as yours. A whine leaves your lips when you start to move your hips, circling him. 

Eddie’s mouth waters, he moans your name loudly. He couldn't believe he could have you this way. The beating inside his chest is almost too uncomfortable for him to properly breathe.

Your hair is in his face, the smell of your shampoo and perfume filling his senses, driving him even crazier. You pull back, arching your back in pleasure and closing your eyes as you bite your lip with a moan. 

Before he can even react, you start moving, bouncing on his cock desperately. He watches wide eyed, with nothing but love and desperation in his eyes. 

“Am I dreaming right now?” He mumbles, unable to stop the whimper from escaping when you bounce harder. “Is this real? Baby, please tell me it is.”

You grab his hands, pressing them against your boobs “uh huh.” You keep bouncing on his cock, desperately. Surprised by your own self, by how desperate you are, right now. You’ve never been this feral before, and it has to do with the fact that since the very beginning you weren’t allowed to. 

He watches you, staring at the way your face contorts in pleasure, the way your tits bounce as he grabs at them, the way his cock disappears in your body. Fuck. This really is a dream come true. Suddenly, a flip switches inside of him, he grabs your waist and flips you over, getting on top of you. 

You open your eyes, stunned at the feral look that you see in his eyes for the first time. 

“I’m gonna do what I’ve wanted to do to you for a long time now.”

Before you can even say or ask anything, he holds your hips tighter than before and starts pounding into you, turning you into a dumb mess.

“Fuck,” he growls as his hips snap against yours and he fucks into you roughly, you feel so good, so fucking good. 

You can’t even form any words or sentences anymore, your mind is in a haze, your eyes barely staying open anymore, all you can do is moan and watch in awe how he fucks you in a way you’ve always dreamed of. His pace is brutal, his cock is splitting you open so perfectly. 

His hands are soft on you, his eyes look into yours in awe, with nothing but love but his hips move roughly.

He grabs your hands, pinning your wrists down beside your head, earning another loud moan from you. You love it. You love how rough he is with you, how he is fucking you so disrespectfully. He can tell by the look in your eyes, the fire behind them, the lust that keeps getting stronger and stronger with each rough thrust. You’re getting wetter, soaking his cock completely. 

You feel his breath on your lips as he presses his forehead against yours.

You wrap your legs around his waist, breathing heavily as he lets go of your hand, slipping his rough palm down your stomach, he presses you down before he ruts into you even faster and harder, totally knocking your breath away. 

“Feels so good,” you whimper as your eyes well up with a new wave of tears and your mouth begins to water. 

Pride swells in his chest, his heart almost busts. You are trusting him enough to do this with him. You are letting him touch you. You are letting him fuck you, make love to you. All his insides feel on fire, love and lust is all that he feels. His heart flutters in his chest when you look at him with tear filled and pleading eyes. You’re getting tighter and tighter around him. You try to raise yourself up on your elbows, only to fall back down when another wave of pleasure washes over you. Your stomach feels on fire, your legs are already shaking, you’re close, so close, so soon. 

He looks so good. With his cheeks so flushed, his eyes so dark, his pale skin that you want to kiss and lick, his arms that have gotten more muscular since he started working at the shop, his moans that drive you fucking crazy. 

One, two, three more thrusts and you can already no longer hold back, squeezing him tightly as you cum without even having to touch your clit. 

“Oh my god,” Eddie moans, not stopping his movements. “Just like that, sweetheart. Let go for me.” 

Your high pitched moans fill the van, the wet, squelching noises as he slams his cock in and out of you, not stopping as he fucks you through your orgasm.

“D-Don’t stop!” You sob, getting even needier despite the two orgasms he just coaxed out of you. “Please, Eddie!” 

He loves to hear you beg for him. He loves the way your body feels beneath his, so perfect and right. He loves the way you feel wrapped around his dick, like you were made just for him. Your juices are dripping out of you, making everything sound even filthier. He’s surprised by the way he’s able to hold himself back, the way he hasn’t busted in his pants while eating you out. He could cum just by listening to your moans. He is obsessed with you.

You are so needy for him. You won’t look away from him, refusing to shut your eyes, even as tears start to run down your cheeks and drool slips past your lips, you keep looking at him with that fucking innocent look in your eyes. 

As though that isn’t hot enough already. You grab his hand, raising it up towards your mouth and you wrap your lips around the fingers that were knuckles deep inside of you just moments ago. Your eyes roll back as you flick your tongue around them and start sucking. 

This almost makes him lose it. He almost halts all his movements as his eyes grow wider than ever. Holy fucking shit. 

“Mmmh.”

Your walls flutter around him, squeezing him tighter than before, causing him to growl in response. 

“Y-You’re –” he pauses, unable to find the right words as he watches you in disbelief, how you release his fingers and move his hand down to your throat, looking up with glossy eyes. You want him to choke you. 

His sweet ‘innocent’ best friend isn’t so sweet and innocent after all. You’re a closeted little freak. He should’ve known that there was a hidden sight to you. He should’ve known that you weren’t ‘just’ staring at the handcuffs on his wall for no reason. You’re a naughty and dirty little freak. 

He wraps his fingers around your throat, not enough to choke you, but hard enough. The sight of it only turns him more feral. He pounds you harder, letting all the frustrations out from the day and you’re loving every second of it. Both your moans are getting louder and needier. He smashes lips against yours, kissing you roughly and deeply as his free hand slips down your stomach. 

“You’re so perfect,” he murmurs between kisses. 

You wrap your arms around him, closing your legs around his waist, you feel the familiar coil in your stomach again and it takes you by surprise. He presses his fingertips against your clit, making you shudder and twitch, you’re sensitive, so fucking sensitive but it feels so good. 

“I-I’m, I can’t believe this is real,” he moans, rubbing your clit. His breath hitches in his throat, knowing that he won’t last any longer. 

You dig your nails into his back, the moment his thrusts get slower but deeper, deeper than before. He tears out whimpers and sobs from you. You have never felt anything like this before. 

He rams inside of you, fingers overstimulating your sensitive clit. 

“I-I’m gonna cum, where do you want me–”

“Inside! Please cum inside of me, Eddie!” 

“Are you sure?” He asks with wide eyes.

“Yes, yes, please!”

“Fuck,” he growls in utter shock and pleasure, he kisses you again. You gasp against his lips, one hand reaching into his curls, tugging at his hair and scratching his back with your other hand when he makes you cum again. He groans so loud against you. 

You’re shocked, confused and in so much pleasure that it makes you cry. How did he make you cum so many times in one round? You didn’t even know that it was possible to have multiple orgasms, you only ever achieved one with Steve, and sometimes not even that. 

He spills inside of you with a loud moan, coating your walls with his seed. He doesn’t move away from you, he keeps kissing you, slowing down his movements. You are twitching beneath him, whining and whitering. 

His heart is beating faster than ever, your walls are pulsating around him as he fills you up with his cum. He whimpers into the kiss. He has never done this before and you are the only one he ever wants to do this again with, in fact, he would do this all fucking night if you let him. 

Neither of you want to stop, neither of you want this moment to end but the lack of air makes you break the kiss. Eddie lets go of your throat and after a few more kisses to your face, he pushes himself up, pulling out of you and letting himself fall on his back beside you but not without pulling you into his chest. 

You are both breathing heavily, both coming from the high. Soft sighs fall from your lips and you keep your eyes closed for a long moment. There’s no thoughts in your mind yet, not doubts, no fears, nothing – nothing yet. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie whispers as he stares at the ceiling before he glances at you, with a slight fear in his chest, scared to see regret in your eyes but instead he sees a lazy smile on your lips. 

“That was –”

“Fucking amazing,” he breathes, finishing your sentence. 

You giggle and it makes his heart soar. 

“Yeah, really fucking amazing,” smile and turn your head, you open your eyes and look at him. Taking in the sight of his sweat coated forehead, the way his bangs stick to his forehead, the way sweat dribbles down his body, the way he is staring at you with awe in his eyes. 

“We should’ve done that a long time ago,” you whisper. 

He raises his brows, eyes lighting up at your words. Eddie knew you wouldn’t treat him like other girls did before, yet the fear still lingered, that you would push him away, that you would regret it but instead, you lean closer and kiss his cheek. 

You keep looking into his brown eyes, unable to fight the smile off your lips after what happened. There is no doubt inside of you, none of it yet, not when he keeps looking at you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. 

You snuggle closer to him, kissing his chest softly as his hand finds its way into your hair and he starts to play with it gently. 

“Hey sweetheart?” He asks after a moment of silence.

“Yes?” 

“That girl at the bar earlier, she was Jeff’s girlfriend. He was there too, by the way. He was in the restroom when you came in.” 

He tells you this without a hint of smugness behind his words, even though he now knows that you were jealous. He could’ve teased you for it, made fun of you for assuming something and getting jealous over nothing. But, instead his voice is soft, reassuring. He doesn’t want you to feel jealous, he doesn’t want you to doubt yourself. 

“Oh,” you whisper, smiling when he kisses the top of your head.

You lay like this for a while, with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you, just enjoying each other’s company, not wanting it to end just yet. But when the thunder sounds through the night, shaking you both out of your little bubble, you realize how late it’s gotten. You only reluctantly start getting dressed, helping one another with your clothes, all while giggling and stealing kisses from each other. You are trying to ignore the fact that you are very sticky between your legs, though, you don’t mind it for a bit. 

Despite the giddiness that rushes through him, he can’t help but feel a little fear when you both get back in the front. Unlike the drive earlier, this one is filled with music and comfortable silence, even when he’s nervous about what will happen once this night is over. 

If he only glanced at you, he’d see the way you’re smiling, the way your eyes are glowing from all the happiness. 

He is tapping the steering wheel, he feels happy, happier than he ever did but he’s also scared, scared to look at you and see that you have come down from the haze, that you are back to thinking about Steve, that you are regretting it all. 

When he parks the van in your driveway, he takes a deep breath and turns to look at you only to see you staring at him already, with the cutest and brightest smile on your face. His shoulders slump in relief and his heart feels ten times lighter. 

You unbuckle the seatbelt, licking your lips as you move closer to him.

“Hi,” you whisper. 

Butterflies flutter in his stomach. He tilts his head, leaning in, “hi,” he smiles. 

You meet in the middle, closing your eyes as your lips lock. All the other kisses before were rough, passionate, fast. This one is sweet and soft, just perfect and it lasts for a while, even when you try to pull away, Eddie keeps stealing kisses. 

“Eddie,” you giggle. “I have to go, you have to let me go.” 

He cups your cheeks softly, smiling sadly as he leans in again, “I can’t let you go,” he whispers between pecks. “I don’t want this night to end.”

“It won’t be the last, Eds.”

Warmth fills him, his heart makes a jump. 

“Can I come inside?” He asks, not wanting to spend the night without you.

“You already did,” you giggle, making him laugh in surprise. 

“Well shit, sweetheart,” he smirks as he plays with your hair, caressing your cheek, continuing to peck your lips. 

If you knew you could feel this happy, this content, this fulfilled just by doing this, you would have done it ages ago. 

Fear, doubt and all your insecurities, kept holding you back from finding this with him. For once, you took the leap and you couldn’t be any happier than you are now as you sit here and steal kisses from Eddie.

“My mom is home.”

“So? I stayed a thousand times before with your mom at home.”

You giggle, this time it’s you stealing a kiss from him. 

“I know but this is different,” you whisper. “I don’t want to be quiet.” 

His eyes widen. He’s gone to heaven. The girl of his dreams, the girl he loves, the girl he thought he had no chance with, wants him. 

You grab his face, giving him one last kiss before you pull away, “I’ll see you tomorrow, handsome.” 

He stares at you dreamily, love filled with eyes and a smile that he can’t hide. Your hair is a mess, your makeup smudged but your skin is glowing and you look so fucking beautiful. 

You open the door but before you step out, you turn around and kiss him again, grabbing his cheeks and peppering his face with kisses, making both yourself and him giggle. 

“Good night, Eddie,” you murmur against his lips, looking into his pretty eyes. 

He pinches your chin between his fingers, stealing another kiss. 

“Good night, sweetheart,” he whispers, smiling at you. You pull back and get out of the van, a small squeal leaving your lips when the rain touches you again, unlike before, you now feel the coldness of it. Eddie laughs when you close the door and start running towards the house, turning around one more time to blow him a kiss. 

Eddie shakes his head with a smile, chuckling as he blows you a kiss back. He waits until you’re inside the house. The moment he sees the door shutting, his smile grows wider and he pumps his fist into the air as feelings of joy rush through him. 

You are barely able to contain the giggles as you quietly make your way upstairs, smiling brightly. Your cheeks are flushed, your skin is burning, your heart and stomach both fluttering. You bite your lip as you silently walk into your room and close the door softly. 

You press your back against the wooden door, you close your eyes and raise your hand up to your mouth, touching your lips that still tingle from all the kisses. 

Another breathless, happy, giggle escapes you. 

You can’t stop smiling. 

You tilt your head up, looking at the ceiling as you think about the way it felt to be kissed and touched by him. Your heart flutters all over again. 

For the first time in a long time, you feel happy again, your heart full of love. 

Though, when you look around the room and your eyes fall on the picture frame in your bookshelf, your smile falls when your eyes lock with the man in your picture. 

Steve. 

Your heart drops a little and your smile vanishes completely. 

-

tagging friends & mutuals

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @corrodedseraphine @succubusmunson @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @somethingvicked @nemesis729 @chrissymjstan @sherrylyn628

[jiminjamms]

sex therapy :: 25. messed up

chapter tags/warnings: naoya fucks toji's ex-wife again. aggressive sex. creampie-ing. misogynistic! naoya. hurt/comfort. naoya views women as nothing but a hole. broken marriage. heavy angst. infidelity/adultery. family drama. strong language. manipulation undertones. corruption. 

word count: 4.1k

notes: thank you always for all the support! on to the plot for our final arc! this beginning excerpt is a rewording from a line in “spy x family” (any fans out there?) that i believe captures the dynamics in our characters as well. enjoy! likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. xoxo

fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

❝ Every person has a self that one conceals, a side not shown to anyone else. Not to friends. Not to lovers. Not even to family. Behind lies and painted smiles, individuals shield their true natures and desires…and, in doing so, the world thus maintains its thin veneer of peace. ❞

Who in the world was Toji Zenin?

The Toji that you had always known was Toji Fushiguro, so what was your husband’s cognomen doing besides your sex therapist’s first name on the latter's university diploma?

Even Google seemed to deny that Toji Zenin existed.

Showing results instead for ‘Toji Fushiguro.’

No, that was not what you wanted! 

One step forward in understanding this enigmatic man might as well be three steps backward because, each time you thought you had learned something about him, you only come to the realization that nothing much had been discovered at all.

But as investigations via search engines, social media sites, and Wikipedia pages proved futile, sources that could quell your curiosity dwindled.

So, you turned to your last resort.

“Who’s Toji Zenin?”

“What—”

Across from you, the raspberry macaron in Mai’s hand stopped by her lips as the girl snapped her focus from the pastry to your unanticipated question, with Maki visibly turning stiff in the adjacent chair. The three of you sat surrounding a small table in the twin’s private lounge, located in the northern wing within the Zenin residence. 

Visiting the central family property was not uncommon ever since your engagement and wedding earlier this year, but the architecture would never fail to impress you. The mansion itself resembled the Imperial Palace more than anything—an edificial centerpiece defined by the elegance and simplicity inherent in traditional Japanese design, with latticework embellishing the wooden exterior and, inside, carefully painted doors opening into tatami rooms.

Given that Mai and Maki were back in Tokyo for their summer breaks from universities abroad, the sisters established themselves as your close friends and had brought you into their tea room, adorned with European furnishings that would come off as atypical compared to the Japanese heirlooms elsewhere in the residence. On the table sat an imported tea set from England, at the center a French-inspired pastry tower prepared with caramel-topped croquembouches, chocolate-covered profiteroles, and the like. 

In great admiration, the sisters had been barraging you with inquiries about your life back in your bachelorette days, asking about your volunteering trip to the Philippines or the charity auctions in Dubai.

Now, with the shift in discussion, the sisters exchanged an uneasy look.

An entire conversation appeared to be held in the way they traded glances. The usual sparkle in their eyes faded, which must mean the girls were remarkably uncomfortable, but Mai forced a polite smile as she placed down her macaron. 

“Y/N,” she began carefully, “May we ask how you know Toji?”

Even though she tried to spin the question as casual curiosity, her apprehension could not be more obvious. 

“I don’t know him, really,” you lied. While dishonesty went against your morals, watching the twins’ shoulders fall with relief was enough to assuage the guilt. “He’s just…” My friend, to put things in the mildest terms. “He’s just a name I have heard. That’s all.”

Maki dabbed at her mouth with a lace handkerchief, not making a big deal as she added, “Toji’s a cousin.”

So, the Zenin last name on his diploma was not a coincidence at all. 

Such a groundbreaking discovery should have thrown you into a whole whirlwind but, to be frank, the realization did not come off as too surprising at all. If anything, Toji as a member of the Zenin family was the perfect explanation to why Toji seemed so astute, why he would talk like he knew more about Naoya than you, and—as Geto had once said—why Toji was ‘not where he could possibly be.’ 

While Toji’s reason for opting for the Fushiguro name remained a mystery, what you did know now was that he was indeed affiliated with the twins before you by blood, which—by extension—must mean that Toji would also be a cousin to…

…your husband. 

Wait.

An unsettling chill ran down your spine.

“Cousins, as in,” part of you didn’t want to know the answer, “distant cousins? Or…?”

“No,” the older twin interjected matter-of-factly, not knowing the full background behind your seemingly innocuous question. “First cousins.” 

Ah, so the closest type of cousins possible, which was exactly what you had hoped not to hear. With this additional information, you tried to hide the clamminess in your palms. What would be the best word to describe this void now? Did you feel disappointed? Misled? Betrayed? Toji certainly had known that you were wed to his younger cousin, yet he willingly chose to hide his background as he kissed you, touched you, and fucked you.

A reversal from your sentiments before, you currently felt both disgusted and hurt.

Why did Toji keep this information from you? What sick person derived satisfaction from having sex with his first cousin’s wife? You were so damn stupid for placing all your trust in him. Looking at the situation now, he was just another iteration of the same manipulative and disrespectful man you had been trying so hard to avoid. 

“Are you close with Toji?” 

Mai shook her head. “No. We don’t talk to him anymore.” Her comment struck as odd. Anymore? Had they once been, then? Before you could ask, her gaze darted around in caution before she leaned forward and said lowly, “For your information, Naoya got into a huge dispute with him earlier this year.”

That’s quite recent. 

You understood that Mai and Maki had been uncharacteristically tight-lipped as they did not want to slander the family heir in front of his wife. Blissful ignorance was what the twins must be thinking, hoping to preserve the peace between you and your husband. However, what you had yet to reveal was the broken marriage that had been masked for everyone’s sake, disguised by a pretense that all was well.

Which was why, on that note, the timing could not have been more perfect as a tall young man with ombre hair and hazel eyes flung open the door in one unforgiving slam, rattling the fine china and startling the seated individuals inside.

“There you are, you whore!” 

Your eyes widened with shock upon seeing Naoya Zenin in the entryway, your husband’s scowl icy and malicious. He came stomping toward you as his eyes held a dangerous hostility that was impossible to ignore, and you could oddly sense an impending doom when he stormed with zero regard for anything in his path, kicking aside a potted plant and toppling over a ceramic vase.

Standing up, you tried to hide the confusion that befuddled your already mish-mashed brain. 

Today was Tuesday.

Was he not supposed to be at work?

“Naoya,” you began calmly, cognizant of the onlooking sisters behind you, “this is not the right place to—”

“You’re such a fucking desperate bitch, aren’t you?” His words were sharp and bitter, his glare filled with hatred like a fire doused with gasoline. Before you could request clarification, he stopped steps away and swung his right hand up, pressing a black business card to your stunned face, the paper crinkled from his intense grip and rendering you petrified in your stance. 

No, this couldn’t be…

From your peripheral view, you watched Mai and Maki place their hands over their open mouths as they read Toji Fushiguro’s calligraphed name on the business card that also had in obvious words: 'sex therapist.' Shame racked your stomach. Merely minutes ago, you convinced the twins that Toji was to you nothing more than a name, and now, karma bit you back like a bitch. 

With your voice evaporated, you croaked.

“Where did you find that?” You had been sure that you placed the badge away.

Naoya used his anger to crumple the card and tossed the now useless paper ball to the side. “In your purse,” he gritted, “How long were you planning to hide this from me?”

The ensuing guilt suffocated you. “I—” I don’t know.

Sensing the weakness in your will, Naoya burst into a maniacal laughter that cracked through the air, creating a disconcerting symphony. He bent forward, shoulders convulsing with every diabolic and mirthful guffaw. 

“You’re so god fucking pathetic, woman. Do you have any idea who Toji Fushiguro is? That bastard is Toji Zenin, you ignorant slut—he is my cousin. Well, I guess I never told you about him, though, because he doesn’t fucking matter anymore anyway. I don’t know how you ended up crossing paths with him, but this is hilarious!” The man kept cackling and roaring like he had gone insane. “Were you two brewing shit about me? Actually, let me guess since you’d gotten hold of this business card: did you have sex with him? Did you have sex with Toji? Going around fucking your husband and then your husband’s cousin is nothing to be proud of. Tell me, did you meet the other sex therapists as well? Did you get stretched out by them, too? Whose dick did you like best? Whose? Whose? Is that what you like, being passed around and used like some sick trophy? What a fucking animal! How dare you disrespect our marriage. How dare you disrespect your own hus—”

Your hand lashed out before you could suppress the impulse and delivered one resounding slap across Naoya’s face. You watched him shut up and stumble backward, clutching his cheek. 

"Ow!"

For a moment, the world seemed frozen still: the sisters gaping in complete stupefaction, your husband staring at the ground wide-eyed, and you heaving from the incoming emotional onslaught.

”How dare you…How fucking dare you disrespect me!” The coalescence of anger, agony, and resentment—bottled up in your heart for months upon months—was now being released as you dissolved into tears. “What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you say such messed up things? You are sick in the head, Naoya, you know that? Out of respect for myself, how could I possibly respect you?!” The only sound echoing in the room became your uncontrollable cries, sobs that escaped past your lips in raw and muffled bursts. Torn apart by sorrow, you could hardly breathe from how constricted your throat had become, your knees wobbling and weak. “Y-You have no idea how lonely and miserable I have been since I walked down that aisle. For the past six months, you—as my husband—have done absolutely nothing but make me feel like a rat in my own home, a mistress in my own marriage!” 

“Fantastic! Exactly what I wanted to hear, I am glad I have made your life horrible!” Naoya snarled, not caring for how everyone else’s eyes widened at the scathing statement. Unbelievable. Truly, painfully unbelievable. Did your husband really just say that to your face? He could not give a shit that you wept pitifully, instead catching your shaky wrist in the tightest grasp possible as he added on, “My only regret is that I had not made your life even worse.” 

“What the fuck!” you heard Mai gasp as a gut reaction.

What the fucking fuck, indeed.

While you had been subject to Naoya’s verbal harassment during these many weeks, for him to tell you that he wished he had tortured you further was beyond heartless. The searing ache that burned your skin might as well be fatal because your respiration turned erratic like someone had trapped you inside a bubble.

Hyperventilating, you subsisted on shallow gasps.

“Don’t go around thinking that you’re any better, alright? You’re calling me pathetic for sleeping with your cousin, but have you considered that I had been placed in that position because, since the start, you’ve been cheating on your wife?” 

Yelling at his face allowed you to release more tears from your lachrymose eyes. Now, Mai and Maki must truly be appalled at all these revelations. What happened to the fairy-tale marriage you had told them about? Well, that never existed to begin with, and with these thoughts in mind, you found a sadistic satisfaction in watching your lawful spouse fume with deep-seated rage. 

“That’s right,” you mused with derision, “we’ve been two sides of the same coin all along.”

Naoya clenched his hands at his sides, disgusted to have been compared to you. “Do not put me on the same level as—”

“No. No, you don't get to talk! All you have done since we have been married is for you to talk and complain and bitch about everything, but now, this is my turn,” you screamed in return. “I…I hate you!” and you pointed right at him, “In fact, I despise you. You never tried to see what I had to tolerate to stay with an asshole like yourself because you had been too busy sticking your dick into another woman while you could hardly look at me! No wonder your cousins worried about me. No wonder Toji told me to file for a divorce. Because you, Naoya Zenin, are a total piece of shit!”

His momentary pause hinted at the tiniest self-actualization that flickered within him. Perhaps he finally realized how you had been feeling now that you freely spat out all the turmoil that had been chaining your soul. He took one additional step toward you, torn between whether he should keep up with his anger or succumb to remorse for hurting you.

But, knowing this man, he—of course—opted for the former. 

“I never,” he seethed lowly, “wanted this marriage.” 

Maybe you truly have become deranged or maybe you genuinely found his statement funny, for you began to emit tearful cackles in your laughter.

“Now, that is one big fucking lie.” Since your earliest encounter, Toji had suggested that Naoya solely regarded you as nothing more than ‘a sweet, innocent fuck,’ and the longer you had stayed with your husband, the more you began to acknowledge how these accusations were all true. “We all know that you’re going to be nothing without me. A CEO who could hardly keep his wife for half a year? What a loser. What makes you believe that I wanted to be married to you? Who do you even think would want to do business with you after this? You never had respect in the real world because all that respect rests upon me.”

While you never fully understood Naoya, your words must have snapped a particular chord in him because he suddenly lunged forward.

“Fucking cunt—” 

But before he could get too close, you darted away from him. “Don’t touch me!” you shrieked, voice shrill from the top of your lungs. “Do not ever touch me again. If you want to lay your dirty hands on someone, go touch your girlfriend instead!”

That’s right, he had another woman who he doted on far more than he could appreciate you. This wedding band, this engagement ring on your left hand meant absolutely nothing. Toji had been spot on—why the hell did you cling onto stupid shit like this, twisting the jewelry as if that would save your messed-up union? Without further empathy, you slid off the two rings and hurled them toward your husband’s chest before the circlets clinked upon hitting the ground.

At first, Naoya scoffed. He watched the ludicrous scene with a comical gaze, and when his brain processed what he just saw, he quickly fell onto his knees. All at once, he tossed his head back and let out a chortle—a full-bodied cachinnation that took the room completely aback—as his hysteria mounted.

“Good, good, good!” His screeches were like those of a maniac, his chuckles haunting, throaty, and lacking in sanity. “I’m glad that you’ve come to show the witch that you have been all along! Look at yourself! No wonder no one wanted you!”

Unable to be a bystander any longer, Mai stood up and hurled toward her cousin. “Shut the hell up, Naoya!” 

But the said man was quick, using one powerful movement to punch the older twin first. “You shut the hell up, scum. Unless you want to be pummeled to the point where people will feel sorry to look in your direction.”

“Watch what you say!” and when Naoya turned to the new voice, the evil glint gleaming from his brown eyes appeared ablaze.

“Oh? Someone’s bold, too. Shall I bully you first then, Maki?” the timbre in his disdainful laugh crescendoed into unhinged amusement. “Say one more word, little girl,” he taunted, his imp-like face riddled with mockery. “C’mon. I dare you. I will throw you into the courtyard and beat your ugly face up. That’ll bring back warm memories from the good old days, huh?”

The younger twin gritted her teeth, her sister reaching for her arm as a signal to back down and stay levelheaded.

Meanwhile, once Naoya rose from the floor, he nonchalantly kicked at the rings because those emblems of your union had always been meaningless garbage anyway.

“If wanted to leave this badly, then fucking leave,” he deadpanned, his tone the calmest he had been this whole time. “I don’t give a fuck anymore.” 

Those were your husband’s last words as he walked away, leaving you sobbing and shuddering with a lost soul and sore heart. While weeping and gasping, you had to endure watching his figure fade from view, all while wanting to stop the uncomfortable distress that heightened with his departure. You were huffing, panting, trying to stop your trembling.

The second Naoya slammed the door behind him, Maki ran up to your side and embraced your shaking form, all while you bawled and clutched at yourself. Her expression remained strong, but her palms were damp as they pressed onto your back, her arms quavering slightly as she soothed your cries.

“Sh, don’t cry. My sister and I are here, okay? Mai and I will protect you. Everything will be alright.”

Despite her reassurances, she sounded nearly as broken as you appeared, especially when your hand violently trembled because nothing could save you from the agony that drowned your tattered soul. You felt the disgusting urge to throw up—you were completely broken inside. In a futile attempt, you sought to regulate your breaths with one deep inhale.

Yet, at some point, Maki peeled back and she mouthed something.

Was she talking to you? 

Why…why could you not hear her?

She sounded so muffled, as though you were underwater.

Why did everything sound so far away?

With your throat constricted, you could not breathe. Gagging. Gasping. Big, huge gulps of air, but the oxygen failed to enter your lungs. You couldn’t breathe. You could not fucking breathe. 

You gripped the fabric by your chest and your other hand sought for something else to hold, but you ended up on the ground anyway. Choking. Coughing. Was something foaming at your mouth? Something warm and wet spilled from your orifices. Were you vomiting? Why were you vomiting?

Holding your body upright, Maki was the only reason that you had not remained on the floor like a fool, but even she stared at you with concern and…horror? Why did she look so scared? Was she screaming? She looked like she was screaming, but her face appeared all contorted like you were looking at her through a fish-eye lens. 

After a while, you could not even see her or her sister anymore because your vision turned spotty and then black. 

See! 

Open your eyes, and see! 

Why could you not see?

When your hearing returned to some degree, the sounds that filled your ears were frantic shouts and endless clamor.

“Call Toji! He’ll know what to do. Hurry, where is your phone?” It was Mai. Scrambling. Bags were being opened. Items being tossed. “Call Toji, now!”

A phone started to ring.

Buzzes and buzzes and more buzzes as the waiting intensified.

Then voicemail. 

Hello, this is Toji Fushiguro.  

“He is not picking up!” 

Unfortunately, I am unable to pick up the phone right now. 

“Get…”

But please leave your name and number—

“Get Megumi.” 

—and I will return your call as soon as possible.

“What about Tusmiki?”

“Tsumiki is still in London at university, idiot! Call…Call Megumi!”

“Okay. I know, I know! I’m calling him already!” someone screamed back. Was this Mai? Was this Maki? You could no longer tell, but the same person shouted, “Wait, wait. He is calling back. Toji is calling me back.”

“Then pick up the phone!”

“Toji…” one of the twins started, the cracks in her tone making her sound like she was weeping too, and her words composed your last bits of memory before the world dissolved completely. “Please…help us.”

Even labeling Naoya Zenin as ballistic would be far too much of an understatement.

The rage, wrath, and sheer indignation that swelled in his every capillary surpassed the twenty-five years' worth of virulent rancor that he had for his fucked-up family.

Since when did you get so goddamn arrogant? Naoya wanted to hurt you, ruin you, and do everything in his power to sabotage you. 

Not just you, though. Because that would be too easy.

But also his father, his cousins, his ex-coworkers, and—most importantly—Toji. 

Such ill feelings were what led the Zenin CEO to practically leap into the Mercedes-Benz that awaited him at the entrance to his family home, and he immediately ordered his chauffeur to press on the pedal toward a very certain condominium several kilometers away.

Fifteen minutes later, a very surprised Mari opened her door and an enraged Naoya greeted her, shoving her against the wall and colliding his lips into hers for a fierce kiss. His actions lacked passion, only charged with aggression as he stripped her and threw her onto the living room sofa. He could hardly care that he treated the woman as though she was nothing more than a prostitute, while the latter mistook her boyfriend’s rage for desperation, and she begged for him to pull at her hair and force his tongue down her mouth. 

At some point, Naoya drove his mistress’s face into the couch cushion and dragged her hips to have her ass raised high. He was too clouded by fury and too blinded by anger to think twice before he forcefully penetrated the woman. He fucked her raw and held her close, jostling her body as though she was a ragdoll, eliciting her loudest mewls that cried for his name. 

“J-Just like that!” she whimpered, eyes rolling to the back of her head as he pummeled into her dripping hole, paying no mercy for destroying her with his ruthless pace. Her knees gave out from under her, and she crumbled from the sofa and into the carpet, only for him to tumble too to follow the socket he needed to keep his dick soaked. 

“I need to break you,” he hissed.

Fuck, he was going to come soon. 

His nails left crescent marks on her flesh, his hands burning her scalp as he tugged her strands and met her buttocks with hard thrusts, and he knew he was going to come. 

Feeling the first of his seed trick into his mistress’s life-giving cavern, he toyed with the idea of giving Tsumiki and Megumi a baby sibling. That would be fun. He could then imagine the subsequent mortified reactions from his deplorable cousin and from his wretched wife (whom he would hardly call himself married to anymore, anyway). The fantasies, everything that he would do to spite those who had wronged him, had Naoya cackling as his viscous cum spurted from his tip and deep into his mistress’s womb.

He pulled out once he made sure that every single drop had been milked from him, his ejaculate dribbling from her pussy like someone had taken a bite from a cream-filled donut.

Rolling into the carpet and onto her back, a panting Mari took two fingers and pressed his precious seed back into her cunt. “That was so hot.” A lazy smile pulled across her face. “Thank you for the unexpected visit.”

Naoya completely dismissed her comments as he tucked himself back into his pants, not in the right mood to respond. 

“Cool. Clean this mess up,” he demanded instead, “I’m leaving for work.” 

He ignored the woman’s ensuing pleas to stay at least five minutes longer. Unlike her, he had better things to do, and he rushed out as he fetched his phone from his back pocket and surveyed for any messages he might have missed while he had been away. 

But when he turned on his screen, his most recent notification had his blood turn cold.

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: The absolute fury in the argument, the complete panic between the twins, and the maniacal temperament in our husband…so much packed in this chapter! If you can’t tell already, my favorite POV to write from is Naoya’s, ha. Also, I took some creative liberty here to convey the intense emotions, so let me know what you think! Hugs to all.

taglist: @dissociatingdiva @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @nemoyr @huangfairy @shadowarchon @203steph @agentdedf1sh @cloudybabes @lynn-writes-things @illicitwriter @7oji @kikuchimi @chaoticjojofan @musicisme333 @kumocchin @s-guru @mwahilovemylife @hey-gurls69 @cloudsinthecosmos @moon-mumu-moon @kazscara @skilerfrostfairy @funicidals @nico707 @proteovaldez @tsukiyohanayome @marimoares @qirbys @puffaloxx @sakanoshitaa @arizzu @kissditrio @lewd-bunny14 @mistyheart @szired @supsii @yvy1s @tokyometronetwork @downtown-roponggi @the-cosmos-network

[jeonsbabygirlsworld]

SEX/LIFE

SUMMARY: having sex with your dad's best friend is one of the dumbest ideas but what if the sex is too good to be true? and now who cares about world when you both are in love?

PARINGS: Jungkook (39) X reader (27) (both are in relationship.)

WORD COUNT:1.2K

WARNINGS: This is an age gap fic please scroll pass through it if you don't like it.Dilf JK has my fucking heart. at the end they do future planning and it's a bit rush. Hyun is readers dad name.

SMUT WARNINGS: TEASING he loves to tease her, grinding for like few seconds, she wore a lace panty, so many kisses, fingering over panties, cream pie, Jungkook suggests condom, but reader wants it RAW. he loves her nipples, he calls her love and baby mama once, Aftercare.

a/n: sry for the rough ending i hope you like this one I tried really hard to not make it uncomfortable, Tumblr works on reblog system please reblog !! Also a simple “it good or it’s great”can make my entire day 💞

Jungkook: hey I’ll be there in a few, I guess the party will finish in a few or else I’ll just sneak out.

Y/N: it’s fine kook, I’ll be home.

Keeping your phone aside you get back to studying, your exams have been coming up. Jungkook is your dad’s best friend and your boyfriend of three years, you both met a few years ago when he was 36 while you were 24 you initiated the kiss first but Jungkook backed off when the kiss deepened, unfortunately, your dad saw you initiating the kiss and you were grounded, you had lost his phone number when your dad took away your phone, Jungkook had already apologized to your dad while your dad accepted it sliding that topic off, three years later when you still liked him one night he had confessed about his feelings when he met you at a party. You both were very careful around your dad sneaking in and out became your thing. But now you thought it was time anyway You are now 27and he is 39 you both need to settle down.

There is a knocking heard in a few minutes. “Hey baby” Jungkook greets you with open arms “Hey Kook, how was the party,” you asked slightly giggling you know it sucked but just to tease him you asked him while kissing his clothed chest and inhaling his scent.

“It did suck but it’s fine Hyun was there with me the whole time, so it was good,” he said hugging you back “Want to have dinner together? I made chicken stew and rice" you asked batting your eyelashes at him. “Yeah, baby sure I’ll change and come back in a few,” he said removing his blazer and dumping it in the laundry room.

After a few minutes, he changed wearing the spare clothes he had at your place. “Fuck this tastes so good, thanks baby” he groans taking the first bite “Welcome kook, you wanna stay over for tonight?” You asked eating your rice “Yeah baby I’ll stay over” he says finishing his food in a few.

Jungkook offered to wash up the dishes while you chose a series to watch. “Kook listen yuna suggested we should watch Sex/life,” you said scrolling through your Netflix account “Yeah baby sounds good, I’ll join you in a few,” he said shrieking.

Five minutes into the series you both started making out like nothing in the world could stop you both. “Mph”moans were exchanged when Jungkook’s tongue made its way into your mouth. Straddling his lap he starts to leave wet kisses all over your neck. Grinding on his already hard cock he groans in your mouth. “Let’s take this your bed yeah baby?” Lifting you in his arms you gasped “Kook I’m heavy drop me down” you giggled clinging to his waist “You weigh nothing, baby” Reaching your bedroom he carefully sat you on your bed undressing you and leaving you only in your panties, you chose to wear his favorite lace panties. “Fuck baby this piece leaves nothing to my imagination”he chuckled finding your lace panties appealing.

Hovering above you he kisses your lips pulling on your lower lip to tease you, your hands make way to grip his broad sexy shoulder. He slowly kisses your neck and slides down, hands grabbing your boobs and squeezing one of them and sucking one another. “Kook kiss me need you on my lips” you breathed out humming he kissed you again and again till you were breathless his fingers slid down towards your clothed core, and your body twitched when he caressed your clit “Stay still y/n” he growled when moved in the sheets “can’t Kook missed you these days” you cried. Slowly inserting his fingers in your panties, he rubbed his fingers, you whimpered and cried “Come on sit up yeah baby” he removed his fingers helping you sit, and he sat behind you.

His fingers find your core again his palm now rubbing your pussy and teasing you “Want it babe? Want me to finger you? Do you deserve them?” He asks waiting for your answer like he has all-time in the world “Hm baby want them” Wetting his fingers he brings them to your core still teasing your core “Get naked Jungkook wanna see you” he gladly removes his clothes Now hard cock is pressed against your back.

“Fuck baby love this pussy so much “Kissing you again “Beg for it, baby, if you want more” Jungkook, is a very big tease when it comes to fingering you “Please kook want your fingers” you panted begging for his fingers easing one in your hole “yeah baby you're so perfect, got fucking lucky” fastening the pace of his fingers he talked through your orgasm soon Cumming wetting your sheets.

Kissing him he now positioned himself above you hovering and kissing your lips “Ready love?” He asked teasing his tip on your panty-clad core, lapping at your nipples he swiftly moved the lace panties aside “Beg for it baby come on” he grumbled “Want it kook has been wanting since you came in my house”you moaned. “Gonna give you now be a good girl yeah,” he said ready to open the drawer to grab a condom “No kook want it raw, wanna see my pussy getting messy”you said grabbing his shoulders “Want to get your pussy messy? You sure y/n?” Nodding at him he pushed your panties to the side welcomed by your swollen pink pussy he eased himself inside you “fuck so warm and tight” he hissed.

His breathy moans and your whimpers filled the room the night sky light illuminating his face “Do you deserve my cock baby?” He asks slowing down his thrusts “Yeah kook want it deserve it, baby” you said in a low monotonous voice grabbing his neck to kiss him your pussy made sloppy noises tears dripped down your cheeks “gonna cum kook” screamed “Yeah baby me too shall I cum in you make you my baby mama?” He asks teasing your new-found impregnating kink “Mm want it kook, make me a mama” you said clutching his shoulder “Yeah beg for it baby tell me again you need it” he thrusts roughly when you tell him what you need “fuck I’m Cumming”you said slowly rubbing your clit, “yeah come gonna fill you up my pretty baby” he slowly backs away for a bit seeing the white ring now formed in the base of his cock and slamming back again and then Cumming, he stills for a bit collapsing on top of you.

Resting on your body he hides in the crook of your neck , moaning giving you a last thrust before backing away completely and securing his cum by placing your panties back on in their position “Keep my cum baby, you gonna need it for tomorrow”he laughs while you hit his chest “Shut up kook” you giggled. Aftercare with him is always the best he would help you bathe and kiss you every-time telling he loves you.

Laying the bed staring at the ceiling he turned to face you while you lied in his chest tracing his heart making silly figures “you sure about what you want?” He asks about you being his baby mama “yes kook we are both finally settled I’ll soon be soon 28 and if we start trying to conceive now it’s not that easy you will be 40 soon think about it but before that we need tell my dad”you said looking at his starry eyes Humming you he says he is ready to have one “ yes baby we need to tell about our relationship soon” smile vanishing from your face but its truth you both need to come out clean someday but who knew what your fate will bring you both and it doesn’t go as you planned ?

TAGLIST : @kimmingyuswifee , @jungk97kwife , @httpjeonlicious , @raineo , @realovesworld7 , @hannahmae18 , @lovingkoalaface , @yomommacyno69 , @borednia , @jk-hoe97, @kimseokjinsmirror1233

Requests are open !

[rrxnjun]

potential • z. chenle

pairing. zhong chenle x fem! reader genre. rich kids au, childhood friends au, friends with benefits au. angst, fluff, suggestive. word count. 20k (20.079) warnings. alcohol consumption, swearing, mentions of sexual activity, sexual innuendos, a heavy make out session or two, use of lyrics from ariana grande and sarah close and masking them as my own words a/n. why do we call it a rich kid chenle au when he's a rich kid irl. anyways for the fact that this was one of the most spontaneous fics ive ever written it sure did take a lot of time to execute. took a lot of inspo for the lifestyle from the sky castle kdrama so if its not accurate dont @ me bc ive never been rich LMAO

playlist. in my head – ariana grande ; successful – ariana grande ; nonsense – sabrina carpenter ; supermodel – måneskin ; that's what i like – bruno mars

You saw his potential without seeing credentials. And maybe that's the issue.

August 28, 2020 – somewhere in the Bali sea, 1:27 AM

The music is loud. The weather is humid.

Wrapping up the summer before your senior year, dancing around in the bar of the cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, one last stop before your 28-day cruise around Southeast Asia is over, the loud music from the bar rings in your ears as you dance around, a glass of expensive Mendis coconut Brandy swirling in your hold. The taste of the alcohol on your tongue burns, not quite used to the burning sensation in your mouth– this is one of the first times you’re drinking, since your parents were always big on prestige and acting classy. Your parents went to sleep, though– excited to explore Benoa tomorrow, to immerse themselves in nature and explore Bali’s temples and heritage. You, on the other hand, took this as an opportunity to party– accompanied by none other than your parents’ friend’s son, who grew into the position of your childhood best friend solely because his and your family have always been close, choosing to spend vacations together; a relationship that was mostly fueled by the immediate closeness of you two during the summer breaks and ski trips to Swiss Alps every January.

And while you’re no stranger to pearls, charity events in your parents’ mansion in Hong Kong, golf courses in Miami and fashion shows in Milan, growing up in the world of designer bags and prestigious titles, you feel quite stranded in the middle of the sweaty teenagers, all of them with the same social status as you, drinking expensive alcohol and swinging your hips to the EDM music playing through the speakers. It almost feels like this is the first time you’re able to enjoy yourself without anyone’s supervision, screaming at the top of your lungs into Zhong Chenle’s face as he laughs at you on the dance floor, and truth be told, you could care less about the pictures you’re going to take for your Instagram tomorrow, showing everyone just how good you’re doing and how much fun you’re having on your lengthy cruises around the continent, because somehow, even though the bar is clothed in gold and you feel a bit like in The great Gatsby, this feels like the least pressuring part of the whole trip.

“We should go to parties more often!” you scream into Chenle’s ear, taking a sip of your Brandy as you twirl yourself around him, the straps of your sparkly spaghetti-strap tiny top falling off your shoulders in a moment of carelessness, your thoughts somewhere completely else. You may be 19 years old and insanely wealthy, but that still doesn’t mean you are experienced in the art of partying– quite the opposite, actually, having to always seem cultivated and presenting yourself in a way that would suggest that your family is high on prestige and recognition– so to finally be surrounded by people your age, dancing along to the music and jumping up as you all chant the lyrics to Barbie girl by Aqua (how ironic) feels quite ecstatic.

“Like our parents would let us,” Chenle rolls his eyes, lips almost pressed against the shell of your ear as he makes sure to get close enough for you to hear him.

Sighing at his argument– knowing he’s absolutely right, but also hating the fact that he had to ruin your mood by stating it out loud– you shake your head as you down the last bits of your drink, putting the heavy glass onto the tray of a waiter that’s passing by to gather the rest of the empty ones scattered across the shiny tables in the corner of the room. Your brain is starting to get a little fuzzy and you can’t help the giggling escaping out of your throat whenever your eyes meet Chenle’s, the flush on the boy’s cheeks hinting at the fact that he’s not any better at handling his alcohol than you, having just as much experience in heavy drinking and partying as you do. 

You’re only 19 years old and you don’t know a lot about the world. After all, you were brought up in a family that always did everything for you– you never had to move a single finger. You never even had to clean your room, because your parents had people that would come by every morning while you were in school, just so you could arrive home to a tidy place when you were done with your lectures. You went to a private school, so you were always surrounded by people with a status similar to yours. You spoke about your tutoring classes that cost more than groceries for a middle-class family a week, you talked about your trips abroad, and if you had time, you even went shopping with your classmates after school before your driver picked you up and drove you back into the suburbs; your neighborhood guarded by a gate, the asphalt behind it so much smoother than it is in the rest of the town.

You never got to experience partying like this– only gaping with an open mouth when you saw those scenes in the movies you watched on Netflix in your own private movie room. And if you’re being totally honest, you never imagined enjoying such a thing. You never had the experience, so you didn’t really yearn for it, but now that you’re here, surrounded by loud music, experiencing the weird emotional feeling that comes with being in a crowd screaming in joy at the same time first-hand on your own skin, you don’t think you’ll be able to go back to how you were before.

This is not how rich kids party. At least not when their parents are around.

“You’re gonna be hungover tomorrow morning,” Chenle mutters into your ear when your eyes light up at the sight of more alcohol, contemplating on getting another drink, just because. 

“And you’re not?” you tease him, pointing to his glossy eyes and lazy walk, his legs tangling with each other every few seconds from the haze he’s been put in just by having a few drinks. The sight is quite funny– the ever-so composed millionaire son is now a troubled mess in your eyes; one wrong step and he could ruin the image his family has spent years to build up, but it doesn’t seem like either of you care, tripping over your feet and lounging at each other in the middle of the dance floor. 

Feeling like you’re playing a dangerous game, hanging off his neck and swaying your hips to the rhythmic beat, you gape into his blown-out eyes and desperately try to get your brain straight. The more you drank and the more you spent time in Chenle’s close proximity, the less you were able to control your emotions and the weird thoughts in your brain that have been slowly eating up all your notions for quite some time now. Gaping at his plump lips and feeling his palms burning at your hips, his fingers ever-so-slightly hovering above the curve of your ass, you’re finding it hard to concentrate on the music or on the words spilling off his tongue, his voice never shutting up even in the loud bar. You always told him he talks too much, but he doesn’t seem to mind– he seems to actually take much pride in his annoying tendencies, talking your ear off on multiple occasions even when you tell him he should probably stay quiet for at least a minute, so your brain could recharge.

Truth be told, you listen to him most of the time anyway. He always talks and you always listen, rolling your eyes at the snarky parts and giggling at the jokes; so the fact that you suddenly can’t focus and just desperately want him to shut the fuck up must be the effect of all the alcohol you’ve been drinking tonight. 

And your next step might as well be the main consequence of the coconut Brandy as well– because even though you’ve been dreaming of his plump lips on yours for quite some time now, you’ve never actually dared to act up on the desire. But your intention to make him go quiet seems to be working when the train of words stammering out of his mouth is cut off, a surprised noise trailing out of his throat when you kiss him on the dance floor; and to your surprise, he doesn’t seem to mind your weird sign of protest to his endless talking– quite the opposite, really, as he lets you take the lead and taste the mix of alcohol in the Long Island cocktails he’s been drinking the whole night off his tongue, your hands mindlessly trailing up to thread themselves into his hair. 

This is not your first time kissing a boy– you once pecked Song Eunseok on the lips when the two of you sneaked out of class one day in 9th grade– but you never once kissed anyone with such passion and desire before. You’re not sure where you got all the courage from and you’re also not sure where you learned all of this– but it must be working, with how heavily Chenle’s breathing when you finally let go of his lips and he rests his forehead against yours. In no time, he’s chasing you down again, drunk not only on the alcohol now as he tilts his head to get closer, one hand resting on the side of your neck, just a few inches below your jaw, keeping you in place. 

“You should learn how to shut up,” you mumble against his lips, breathing heavy as you break away from him again and open your eyes to meet your gaze with his. The music is still loud in your ears, but you swear you hear a static noise somewhere in your brain, a tingle in your fingertips making you feel like you’re about to have an out-of-body experience. Your drunken brain is not allowing you to ponder about your actions that much, not letting you think and contemplate the fact that you just made out with your childhood best friend on one of the most expensive cruise ships, drinking alcohol you weren’t supposed to spend so much money on, and maybe that’s a good thing– because there’s nothing stopping you in having the time of your life, no overthinking making you doubt your next steps and no feeling of shame or regret making the whole experience bitter as you dance pressed against your companion, letting him press short, yet daring kisses to your lips as time passes.

“I think I’m good,” he snickers, when the music suddenly cuts out, an announcer telling you that the bar closes at 2 AM and that this song is the last for the night.

Sighing in disappointment– because who even knows when the next time you’ll have this opportunity will come– you let Chenle lead you out of the bar, his hand glued around your exposed waist. Your walk is a little loop-sided and you two almost smash into the glass door (doesn’t matter that it’s automatic and it quite literally opened in front of your figures). Soon enough, you’re met with the golden interior of the cruise walls again, the design a little vintage, yet still luxurious, reminding you of the movie Titanic. Tripping over the doorsteps, hands getting caught on the red, velvety curtains hung around, you giggle at every word that comes out of Chenle’s mouth, bodies slowly, but surely getting closer and closer to your suite bedrooms. You’re quite sure your parents could hear you talking outside in the hall, but you choose to not ponder on what they would think of you if they saw you in this state too much, instead making yourself believe that they’re long asleep and won’t be woken up by your voices resonating through the quiet space. 

“So I guess this is where we say goodnight?” you mumble, hanging off Chenle’s neck. His breath smells of the vodka-tequila mix when he hovers over you, bodies off-balance pressed against the cold wall just outside of your bedroom. Flashing you a grin, face looking close to a cheshire cat, he nudges your nose with his, a quiet hum landing to your ear, not heard by anyone.

“Or we could stay up a little longer.”

Squirming under his touch, his lips softly, yet still a little uncoordinatedly landing on yours, you waste no time in unlocking the door to your room– even though you have a bit of trouble with finding the key in your small purse, even surprised you haven’t lost the bag somewhere in the middle of the night– letting your childhood friend in to your space at the suggestion, your clothed bodies falling to the soft cushions of the water bed. 

You’re only 19 and don’t know much about the world when you messily undress yourself under your friend’s eyes, blinded by the glints in his deep chocolate orbs when he looks at you from above and attacks your neck with kisses. And you usually don’t regret much, considering yourself a responsible individual, always rethinking everything and making sure it’s the right choice, but when you look back at this day now, you don’t really know if sleeping with Zhong Chenle on a cruise around Southeast Asia was the brightest idea of yours, considering the mental turmoil it’s gonna cause you on the way.

Well, at least you can say you lost your virginity somewhere in the middle of the Bali sea, and at least that’s something to boost your ego with, am I right…? 

July 12, 2007 – Tokyo DisneySea, 2:21 PM

If anyone asked you for your favorite childhood memory, you wouldn’t have a hard time picking one. Sure, one would think you have too many pleasant memories to choose from, so realistically, you should take more time to pick and weigh the value of each one, contemplating if the trip to Rome was a happier memory than the summer you spent in Los Angeles when you were 10, but you are 100%, completely in tune with the fact that if anyone ever asked you this very question, the words falling off their tongue with interest and enthusiasm, no judgment and no hidden intentions behind their question, you’d have an answer ready with a smile on your face.

You don’t hold much emotion to your past memories. You’ve been on more vacations than you can both count and remember growing up, and so even though you do think the pictures you took in Italy came out good and your skin glistens prettily in the warm sun, even though you do think you experienced a lot of fun while going to the Target for the first time with your nanny– the woman your mum hired just because your parents were too busy with their business meetings the whole time you walked the streets of Los Angeles with the new woman you were supposed to trust with your life at the ripe age of 10– you wouldn’t say any of those memories are as close to your heart as the trip you took to Japan with the Zhong family when you were 6, the summer before attending first grade.

This was the year you and Chenle watched the Pirates of the Caribbean together for the first time, and even though it wasn’t in the initial plan, you two spent hours and hours and hours  of the flight persuading your parents to take you to Tokyo Disneyland, because you heard from his cousin Yizhuo that you could meet Jack Sparrow if you went. While your plan didn’t exactly work and the two of you didn’t get to go to the large theme park– because your parents were busy, mostly traveling because of business and so they didn’t have the time to arrange it, the amount of sulking you two did when you arrived to the rented house in the expensive part of Tokyo to the teenager that was supposed to watch you two for the time being was enough for him to take you two on a short train ride to the twin of the famous theme park– the Tokyo DisneySea. 

The 15-minute train ride you three took to the theme park was your first, and also last time you ever rode such a mean of transport. All you were used to were expensive sports cars and limousines– you never imagined that people took such transport even every single day, at times. You and Chenle were so immersed in the journey that it was hard for your babysitter to get you out of the train, your small, excited bodies almost tripping over your own little feet as the raven-haired boy dragged you through the streets of Maihama station. 

You could see the towers of the park and you could smell the salt from the sea even from a distance. The whole atmosphere felt magical, giggles often erupting out of your throat as Yuta– the boy your parents hired to watch over you for the day– bought a bubble blower from one of the stands and blew out bubbles you two chased around and tried to pop before they got to the ground. There were no expensive cars in sight, no people dressed in suits and designer shoes– well, except from the two of you, but you couldn’t quite grasp the idea of how much your attire cost at that age yet– and you felt truly, insanely happy. The adults that always watched you when your parents went to business meetings were stern and serious, never letting you have much fun, but today was different, and you find yourself wondering why your parents even let you be babysat by a reckless teenager in the first place. He was 16 at the time– 10 years older than the both of you– and when you look back at the day now, you think it was the time pressure that brought your parents into hiring him. You bet they paid him a lot of money, hell, you bet they even lended him a credit card he could use to entertain you two for the whole afternoon, and even though you found him using it a few times, you didn’t think he spent just as much as all your previous babysitters did. 

Not that you knew the value of money back then, after all. Maybe the fact that you couldn’t tell how much money everything was worth back then is what truly made the whole day so carefree and happy for you.

You were children of wealthy Chinese business owners. You always had everything they saw in your eyes– you didn’t even have to say it out loud and it was held up to you on a silver platter. This day, though, you didn’t even have to use that much money– if you truly compare it to other vacations your families have been to– and you can’t help but think it’s ironic how despite this fact, this day is still your favorite childhood memory. 

The Tokyo DisneySea was catered to a more mature audience– even serving alcohol in the premises, a thing no other Disneyland does– but even though you were just 6 and couldn’t drink and there was no Jack Sparrow waiting for you in the streets of the theme park, you and Chenle had a blast. Maybe it was a good decision on Yuta’s part to take you to the DisneySea instead; it catered to your Pirates of the Caribbean needs perfectly despite it not being the initial theme. The ships and wooden coasts and harbors were enough for your imagination to create stories about pirates in your head, the three of you attending various rides and screaming at the top of your lungs together over the course of the afternoon.

“Wanna go to the Tower of Terror?” Yuta asked you, his toothy grin on full display as he dragged you two to the scary ride when you finally got to the American Waterfront. 

The teenager was wearing a black muscle top with L’arc en ciel written on it– you found out only a few years later that it was a japanese rock band– and with his long, black hair falling to his forehead, he looked just like the person that would enjoy scary rides and horror movies. You, however– you weren’t prepared to get scared by green ghosts and eerie music. Not at 6 years old anyways, although you doubt you’d do better on this day.

If there’s one thing you need to know about Zhong Chenle, it’s the fact that he’s a lover of horror. And Korean dramas. But mostly horror– a few years later, when you were both the age Nakamoto Yuta was when he brought you to the Tokyo DisneySea, your friend came to a Halloween party dressed like the clown from IT and managed to jump-scare you every moment he physically got. There was no surprise in the small boy liking the idea of attending the scary ride, and no matter how hard you tried and protested, there was no use in you saying no. Because the two of them wanted to go, and you, quoting Yuta, ‘couldn’t just stay alone outside’, so you were pretty much forced into the darkness of the Tower of Terror, your small body pressed against Chenle and Yuta’s– you refused to sit anywhere but sandwiched between the two in the middle of the cart– shutting your eyes close when the scary music started playing and you could feel the anxiety forming in the pit of your stomach.

You trembled the whole time, panic resting in your beating heart, and somewhere along the way, you found yourself clinging to Chenle’s small hand, squishing it so hard he screamed at you in the dim lightning of the ride. You didn’t let go, though– that’s what he gets for dragging you along– fracturing his bones wasn’t in your concerns, if it made you feel more secure and safe.

The fond memory of the day ends with the moment the scary ride is over and you finally get out of the darkness– with Yuta having to carry your out of terror half-paralyzed body from the cart. To this day, you still don’t have a clear outlook on why this day is your favorite childhood memory, but you think it might be the mix of Chenle’s excited laughter as he scared you every two seconds after the ride, the apologetic hug he enveloped you in after you almost burst to tears the third time, the taste of the sausage Yuta bought you two for dinner, the taxi ride to the rented house you had to take in a rush before your parents got back from their business meeting, and the melodic voice of your best friend when he sang you the opening theme to the Pirates of the Caribbean before you two fell asleep on the same bed in your hotel room.

Either way, despite the terror, you don’t think you’ve ever had this much fun ever again. 

When you peed the bed that night, your parents decided to never hire a teenager to look after the two of you again. From that moment alone, there was less horror, but also less fun.

May 5, 2019 – tennis courts in Jinqiao, Shanghai, 4:17 PM

One would think that growing up with Zhong Chenle would put him into a position of your almost-brother. And while you did agree with the statement on most days– like when he laughed so hard that snot came out of his nose and almost fell into your lunch plate when you were 15, or when he shot you with his paintball gun so hard you had a bruise on your knee for three weeks when you were 17– you think you’re starting to slowly outgrow this phase. 

Zhong Chenle is no longer a brotherly figure to you when you two pick up tennis at the ripe age of 18. 

It wasn’t either of your ideas, of course. Tennis is not a sport a teenager just suddenly picks up one day because they’re interested– at least not when you’re incredibly wealthy and can pretty much afford any other hobby in the entire world. No, it was the idea of Chenle’s mother– because, quoting, ‘the kids barely go out these days, they might as well pick up a sport!’ – and with the copycat tendencies of your dear mum, you were dragged along into it as well. And so now, during the finals season, on top of that, you two have to go play tennis on one of the private tennis courts your families rent for three hours a day every Friday afternoon instead of studying or focusing on getting your stress out of your body doing other, much more enjoyable things.

“You know, you look a little too excited for someone who hates playing tennis,” Renjun– the neighborhood kid (your parents being business partners for quite some time now made you and the short boy become friends somewhere along the way)– states, snickering as he lays on one of the benches on the side, his own tennis racket thrown carelessly on the ground as he watches the two of you running around the court, playing.

“I only do it because I’m bored,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sending the little yellow ball over the net with much force, making you run to the other side of the court. 

“And I only do it because I need to prove to him that he’s not the best at everything he tries,” you add, sending the ball back to your friend. 

“Just say you want to impress him and go,” Yizhuo– Chenle’s cousin from his mother’s side– teases you from the bench, sitting next to Renjun. Her remark doesn’t go unnoticed by you as you send the yellow ball her way after her cousin passes it towards your side of the court again, aiming precisely for her forehead but missing, earning yourself a terrified yelp out of the girl when she scootches closer to the boy next to her.

“That’s totally not what’s going on, but sure,” you roll your eyes at her when she throws the ball back, but you don’t feel interested in continuing the game anymore. Tiredly walking closer to the two sitting at the little shaded bench, wiping the sweat off your forehead, you try hard to not think of the snarky remark that was sent your way. 

Is it really that obvious? Because sure, you’ve always found Zhong Chenle to be your brother figure over the years of growing up– but there’s something about the humid air of the tennis court and his competitiveness that have you eyeing him when he takes a sip from his water bottle or when he adjusts the hairband sitting on his damp forehead. He wears shorts that reveal his calves very nicely, and when you play 2 on 2, you find yourself focusing less and less on the game– earning yourself a frustrated yell from Ning Yizhuo herself as she plays along your side– and more and more on the Gucci tennis shoes adorning his feet as you scan the boy up and down, his figure growing taller and taller each passing day captivating you in a sense you’ve never quite experienced before.

“I can’t believe my mum dragged you all into this shit,” Chenle giggles when he sits next to Renjun on the bench, following you to the shade. There’s only 20 minutes left in the time your parents rented the court for and you figure that you can spend that time recharging your energy instead of playing the boring game. 

“Not me,” Yizhuo says, “she made my mother feel bad about not signing me up for any sports. You know, your mum’s pretty persuasive, especially when it comes to looking good in front of everyone. If it wasn’t for my mum, I wouldn’t be doing this shit,” she complains, shrugging as she adjusts her ponytail that’s always sitting neatly on the crown of her head.

“I love the fact that Renjun here is the least athletic out of all of us, but he is the only one here willingly,” you snicker, earning yourself a chant of amused laughs at the spoken truth. Now, nobody forced Huang Renjun to come play tennis with you every Friday– but the fact that he doesn’t have many friends in the neighborhood was what made him come along, too bored on his own and with nothing to put his attention to. He doesn’t like playing much, but everything’s better than sitting alone at home, am I right?

The three of you gossip about everything and nothing– the new family in the neighborhood, especially, because Renjun saw their son last Sunday and found his outfit absolutely atrocious (“You’d think people with money would at least know how to dress well, but no. That’s not the case with that Wen Junhui guy.”). The time passes by quickly, and when the timer on Chenle’s phone goes off, signaling that the three mandatory hours at the tennis court are finally over, you all stand up and walk over to the gate, shoes dragging along the sandy surface of the ground with much tiredness. At least you’re getting some cardio in…

“Is your driver coming to pick you up?” Chenle asks as you pay goodbye to your friends, both of them getting into expensive cars waiting for them at the parking lot. Turning to him, you hum in agreement, suddenly shy under his gaze. It’s not even summer yet, but the May sun is already harsh on the skin, getting redness to spread along his cheeks, only further sculpting his handsome bone structure you’ve grown so familiar with over the years. 

“What about you?” 

“Told my mum I’ll walk home instead. It’s not like it’s only a 20 minute walk anyway,” he mutters, rolling his eyes at the irony of you having to drive home despite living only a few meters away from him, in the same wealthy neighborhood. You grew up together, in the same mowed lawns, in the same green labyrinths of your families’ villas, in the same high ceilings and golden accents on the interior of your houses. After watching him from the corner of your eye, you start to wonder about what changed between the two of you that made you so weak to him now, that you’re both 18. Did he change? Was it the fact that you were now both adults? You don’t think that’s the case– because even though you were 18, there were no more responsibilities waiting for you than they were the years before. 

“My driver can take you,” you say, kicking the rocks below your feet, “well, unless you want to walk home alone instead,” you add, noting his previous sentence.

You see him take a sip out of his water bottle, shrugging at your suggestion. Chenle’s not a fan of inefficiency, no matter the fact that you can afford anything you could ever want. It’s a quality of him you find quite strange some days, but you don’t ponder on it too much. 

You’ve known each other since you were in diapers. And after replaying all the memories you have with the boy in your head, you think that your 18 year old self isn’t so stupid for falling for him. See– you’ve got to know a lot of men over the course of your life. Many tried to get with you barely before you even grew into an adult, seeing the vision of money and the social status you could give them. Some, on the other hand, never gave you back the attention you were giving them. All relationships you had in your life were blinded by the imaginary price tag you always carried around with yourself, and so everything always stayed surface-level and plain. No wonder you fell for Chenle– no matter how long it took you to get to this part of your friendship– he’s the only one that ever showed you his true self, he’s the only one that ever trusted you enough to go deeper in conversations with you and treated you like a real human being. You know him well and he knows you well; he’s like a book you always find yourself rereading, excited to find that your favorite characters always stayed the same. At the end of the day, you think you were always meant to fall for Chenle.

Standing under the blazing sun, you wait for your driver to get to the tennis courts. You wait for 10 minutes, then 15– and when you get a little too overheated, Chenle offers you his water bottle and mumbles something about being on time. When the time passes 45 minutes after your driver’s supposed arrival, your friend turns to you with a glint in his eye, a grin sitting on his annoyingly handsome face.

“Wanna walk home with me instead?”

And the truth is, you don’t find yourself disagreeing. And you also don’t find yourself hating the walk up the hills of the neighborhood– no matter how tiring it was to your already exhausted limbs– and you don’t find yourself complaining about the lack of AC or the vehicle driving your ass home to your, admittedly, too big of a house. Chenle entertains you with his talks– because he always talks too much for his own good– and when you stop paying attention to him and lose track of where you’re going, he drags you back to the sidewalk by your hand and your fingers stay interlocked when he teases you about the fact that you almost got ran over by a white Cadillac. 

“Listen, there’s this song I think you’ll like,” he hums when you’re 5 minutes away from your house, pulling out his phone out of his back pocket and opening up the Spotify app. He plays you a song by Ariana Grande, singing along to the lyrics of the chorus. His voice goes thin when he tries to mimic the singer’s voice, dragging along the english sentences of ‘it feels so good to be this young and have this fun and be successful, i’m so successful!’, irony seeping from his tone. Your hands are still intertwined as he swings them back and forth and you don’t even really care about the subtle implication of the lyrics he’s singing– because it’s Chenle, and despite being just as wealthy as you, he’s no stranger to calling you a snob. 

When you’re 18 and walking back from your weekly tennis endeavors, you can’t help but feel the fluttering in your heart when your friend twirls you around in your driveway, your white tennis skirt childishly fulfilling your unsaid dreams of becoming a ballerina, before he walks to his house standing on the opposite side of the road. 

You don’t even care that your poor driver got fired by your mother right after she realized he forgot to pick you up from the tennis court as much.

October 17, 2020 – a charity evening, Shanghai, 9:11 PM

Your whole life so far has been guided in the aura of money. When you were little, you didn’t realize it as much– your young, undeveloped brain couldn’t phantom the fact that your annual trips to Italy and summer vacations at yachts and in the Paris DisneyLand weren’t a normal occurrence to everyone. You couldn’t understand the value of money, and you think that maybe, you never truly will. Because you were born fortunate, never having to worry about a single thing, always living in wealth and with gold around your neck. 

The closest you are to understanding just how much money your family truly has is at the charity evenings you are forced to attend. Walking around, mostly bored– because truly, you didn’t have much of an idea just how much money you’re sending to the unfortunate parts of Africa and what the whole thing even has to do with you, when the money wasn’t really yours in the first place– you try to at least look through the flier your family made for the event, reading through the carefully crafted sentences, feeling at least a little sorry for everyone that doesn’t get to live the way you do.

“Isn’t it funny how this is the only way our families can present themselves in a good light?” Chenle mumbles when he reads over your shoulder, a dry chuckle leaving his lips.

Turning around to look at your companion, you furrow your brows at his snarky comment. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we give to charity so people don’t hate us as much,” Chenle shrugs, taking a sip from the champagne poured in a tall glass you’re pretty sure your mother spent hours and hours picking out when renting this place, just so everything could be perfect. 

“It’s just jealousy,” you say as you walk side-by-side with the boy, the expensive fabric of his white button-down hugging his body in all the right places, leaving you light-headed when you let yourself indulge in your thoughts for too long and stare at the curves of his forearms. It’s been a few months since you slept with your childhood friend– and while you must admit that you regretted it a little when you woke up in the morning, with a hangover and sore limbs, you also didn’t regret it as much as to turn the offer down when it was next brought to you. And the next time, and the next… 

“You think?” Chenle asks, and his interest in your answer seems genuine.

“Yeah,” you nod, shrugging to yourself, “we have more money than any of them ever will, so it’s only natural for people to feel jealous and talk spiteful things about us.”

Chenle hums at your answer, licking his lips before he looks you dead in the eye, the smallest glint of irony shining from behind the dark orbs, making you shrink under his gaze. “It’s not like it’s hard work anyway,” Chenle mutters, “if it wasn’t all stolen money, at least the charity work wouldn’t feel as fake.”

You stop in your tracks at the comment, furrowing your brows. “Stolen money?”

The boy next to you snickers at your clueless eyes. It’s no wonder you never really cared about the source of your family’s wealth– you were born to it, so you never had a reason to doubt it. And truth be told, you never really complained either. You don’t think anyone in your place would, really. You just accepted it the way it is, and you never asked any questions. For all you know, your parents are hard working business owners– you bet their money is well deserved for the amount of effort they put in– so to hear that it’s stolen money, from someone who is in a similar position as you, on top of that, you can’t believe your ears.

“I mean, they’re business owners. Let’s not act like both yours and my parents don’t meddle with the taxes at least a bit, sweetheart,” he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, “if I were all those people outside of it, I’d hate myself too.”

His words do little to comfort you. They do quite the opposite, really, and even though Zhong Chenle has no proof to show you of the fact that your parents might have at least a bit of dirty money on their hands, you can’t say you don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. You start to wonder if you’re that gullible– and who is the one lying straight to your eyes now, if it’s your friend or your parents– and you start to believe that you’d trust everything Chenle tells you, because that’s just the relationship you have with him. He could do anything and you’d follow him to the end of the world. It takes years to build that bond, and so even know, although you have the urge to scream at him for talking such things about the ones that brought you to this world– this perfect, shiny world– you find yourself holding back, the bubble around you bursting in a second, although you spent 19 years of your life living in the fake glory and bejeweled experience. Opening your mouth to ask him more about the matter– to get yourself out of the confusion you’ve been put in with just a few sentences uttered out of his always too-honest mouth, you turn to the boy when a man with a camera approaches the two of you, asking to take a picture of you.

And you comply, because what else are you supposed to do? This is how you’ve been raised. You smile for the pictures, you grin when you find yourself in the magazines, you nod when people recognise your name, you greet people with a polite nod, because you never know when someone wants to make business with your parents and you wouldn’t want to ruin good opportunities for them, would you?

With Chenle’s arm around your waist, your body instinctively leaning into his touch, you smile for yet another picture for the portfolio. Sometimes you feel like a princess– with everything it takes; both the royal responsibilities and the special treatment. More often than not, you find yourself enjoying the spotlight.

“Now they have proof that we were here,” Chenle mumbles into your ear, his lips gently brushing the smooth skin, “wanna get out of here? This party doesn’t look as enjoyable as the last one we went to,” the boy references the time you spent together at the cruise ship, with both the screaming on the dancefloor, and also the aftermath in your room, making heat puddle in your cheeks as you swat his hand away before it gets too low on your back in front of everyone in the room.

“I have to give a speech, but… maybe later?” you look at him, innocently batting your eyelashes at him, when the boy shrugs and takes a step back, downing the last drops of champagne from the expensive looking glass.

“I’ll be waiting back home,” Chenle says, “I bet our parents will stay until this all ends, so we have plenty of time for ourselves when you decide you’re tired of the gala.”

He disappears out of your sight the moment after, putting the empty glass onto a tray of one of the waiters carefully walking across the room, his back escaping out the front door. If you squint hard enough through the glass, you could see him getting into one of the sports cars he got from his parents for his 18th birthday– the vehicle driving off in the hands of his driver for the night, since he just had a glass of alcohol– and leaving you alone in the world of faux and feathers, fulfilling the responsibilities given to you by your mother. And for the first time– not only because you hate giving public speeches– you so desperately want to follow him, getting out before midnight like Cinderella, never attending another one of these evenings ever again. 

You don’t, though. You’re an obedient daughter.

And when you call him up from the entryway a few minutes after midnight, his rough hands welcoming you to his bedroom by undressing the thousand-dollar Tiffany dress you wore to the event– being the aftermath of his previous words or not, you start to think how ironic it is that your attire for the evening cost more than than the monthly rent of the people you were giving to in your speech. 

After a while, your words turn bitter.

March 23, 2020 – South Cape Owners Club, Namhae-gun, Gyeongsangnam-do, South Korea, 1:17 PM

“Did you really have to choose the most boring thing to do for your birthday?” Chenle mutters under his nose when all of your parents stride forward to get another hole in one, beads of sweat appearing on your foreheads as you stand directly under the midday sun. 

“This wasn’t my idea, okay?” Renjun huffs, carrying his golf equipment with him, the silly-looking golf gloves tugged right off his hands when his parents are no longer in sight. “All I wanted was to visit my grandma, but they decided we needed to do something special for my birthday, and when I couldn’t tell them anything I’d like to do, they dragged everyone to play golf.”

“I was thinking more like… clubbing and then crashing at your grandma’s place overnight, but okay…” Yizhuo snickers, watching as all of your parents joyfully talk between themselves, their conversation rarely leaving business matters as they play golf with as much enthusiasm as one can have while focusing on this boring sport. You don’t really know who made this game and why they made it– you can imagine seventy thousand different ways you’d love to spend your afternoon doing instead, more than a half of them supposedly more mundane than the sport itself; but you still know you’d enjoy even sitting down and getting ice cream better than having to pretend you’re interested in, what Chenle called, rich-people-only sport. 

“Maybe I can sneak a bottle up into my room later, but I’m not promising anything,” Renjun shrugs, sighing to himself as he takes out his phone from his back pocket and shakes his head at the sight of the time appearing on his screen. You’ve been at the golf course since 10 AM, and with how interested in the game your parents seem to be, you’re not leaving any time soon either.

Not really engaged in the conversation– because Chenle once told you you complain too much (you truly thought he was the one doing so, but you believe pretty much everything that comes out of the man’s mouth, because he’s mostly right about things) and you think you’ve done your fair share of complaining on your way to the golf course in the first place– you look around, trying to find a thing that could occupy your attention instead. Finding anything fun to do while playing golf may just be the hardest thing to do, but when you notice your companion Chenle missing and his figure appears striding towards your small group in a golf cart, the vehicle going full speed (even the barely 40 km/h looks like it could kill when he seems to not give a single damn about running you over), and suddenly, your mind is occupied enough.

Screeching when the golf cart barely misses your figure, you jump to the side and watch Chenle laugh from the driver’s seat. His malicious instincts barely ever leave his body and the operation of a golf cart is seemingly bringing out the worst in him– thank god he barely drives anymore– and you can’t help but laugh at his little stunt when the cart comes to a sharp halt and he waves you three over with a motion of his hand.

“Hop on, motherfuckers, we have places to be!” he says, all of you following his footsteps and jumping into the small vehicle– you in the passenger seat, next to Chenle, and Renjun and Yizhuo taking the two seats on the back. Once you’re all in, the engine grunts with the speed Chenle’s intending to get to in the weak thing, the atmosphere shifts into one with much more fun and adrenaline– because you know you’re not supposed to ride the carts (not this fast anyway) and when your parents find out, you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble. No, you’re not going to get grounded– you’re not a kid anymore– but the silent treatment and nagging from them about being well-raised and respectable members of society is enough to leave you scared of their anger for the rest of your lives.

“Slow down, I’m gonna fall out!” you scream when Chenle takes a sharp turn, the golf cart almost toppling over on the green grass. 

“I got you, don’t worry,” he notes, one of his hands loosely falling to your thigh to keep you in place, your skin heating up even more from his touch now, enjoying the hold but also fearing the eyes of your friends from the backseat. Your earlier terror is quickly erased with another sharp turn the driver takes– having much more things to worry about now, surviving being one of them– and when he zooms past the group of middle-aged people standing a few meters ahead of you, you already know you’re in big trouble.

Now you’re gonna get scolded for abducting a golf cart. When it wasn’t even your idea in the first place.

Well, that’s something to worry about later.

Chenle drives with the cart all over the golf course, the vehicle providing you enough entertainment for the next few minutes until you get tired of the ride. Looking over at him on your side, gaping a little at the view of your childhood friend driving the cart with only one hand, the other one still securely glazing your thigh, you almost choke out with how attractive the strange sight is to your eyes. Forcing yourself to focus on the road– and thank god, because if you didn’t hold to the side of the cart now, you’d surely fall out despite Chenle’s reassuring words and his hold on your leg– when the man cuts through a small hill in the golf course, the vehicle jumping up and falling back down making you scream in terror mixed with just a bit of excitement.

“Fucking hell, at least warn us before!” Renjun screams from the back, followed by Yizhuo’s amused laughter. You can only imagine Renjun’s almost fallen out, and even though the mental image looks hilarious, you really don’t need him to get hurt today, because he wouldn’t shut up about it for the next 8 working days. And it’s his birthday, after all– you wouldn’t wanna ruin it by having too much fun.

And so, with a last giggle escaping the boy’s throat, Chenle brings the golf cart to a halt, the vehicle stopping far enough from your parents to not get scolded immediately for making so much ruckus at the golf cart, the four of you enjoying the silence, still recovering from the wild ride. Smiling fondly to yourself and gaping at the boy next to you again, you suddenly grow appreciative of him. If it wasn’t for his wild nature, you would still be sulking somewhere on the golf course, pretending to enjoy living your snobby life alongside your parents. You bet even Renjun himself will find this moment captured in his brain as a core birthday memory, and the more you stare at Chenle’s side profile, the more you want to hold his face in your hands and thank him.

“Ew,” you hear Yizhuo’s voice from behind you, bringing you out of your thoughts. Looking back to see what she’s referring to, you watch her gaze landing on Chenle’s hand playing with the flesh on your thigh, heat suddenly rising to your cheeks in being caught in the exact position you feared a little while ago. 

“What–” Chenle snaps his head back at his cousin, while you quickly shrug his palm off your skin, but it’s too late now– you’ve been caught in the act and now you can’t do anything to erase Ning Yizhuo’s memory.

“You know, I thought you two were cousins at first. Like, from your dad’s side, I mean,” Yizhuo sighs, shaking her head in disbelief at the two of you, her comment not doing much to ease the situation either. Chenle seems to be confused at her words, his face scrunching up as he glares at the girl.

“We’re not,” you note, clearing your throat and looking at her with a glare, mentally praying for her to drop the topic.

“Yeah, thank god,” Chenle adds, and you should’ve expected him to make the situation even worse– it’s Zhong Chenle, after all– but his next words shock you and leave you gasping, mentally killing him right here and in this moment, “that would make a lot of things weird.”

“Ew,” Yizhuo repeats, and suddenly, that perks up Renjun’s attention– the boy previously facing the other side of the golf course and not paying you three much care– as he looks around and watches you with confusion in his features.

“What are you talking about?”

“That they are–” the girl takes it upon herself to explain her findings, but she’s quickly cut off by a sound of a middle-aged woman screaming through the place, her small figure striding towards the golf cart.

“Zhong Chenle, what do you think you’re doing?!”

And with that scolding tone, the previous topic is dropped. Thank god.

June 12, 2020 – Zhong Chenle’s room, Shanghai, 11:21 PM

A hand stroking through his hair, smoothing back the bangs and revealing his forehead in the dim blue of the neon light in his room, you lay on your side next to your friend Chenle, a blanket carelessly thrown over your half-naked middles to shield you from the breeze. You hum a song under your breath as you play with his locks, the black disappearing between your fingers like sand, eyes carefully watching his tired expression. 

If you thought hard enough, you could see the little boy you first met at your parent’s conference room when you were 3 materialize in front of your eyes. His cheeks were chubby and he was short, waddling behind you almost a head less than your size, and his voice was thin as he asked you for your name. From that moment on, you knew you were supposed to stick together– and while your parents were the first relative to bring you two together, you didn’t mind always being glued to each other’s hips. 

When you look closer at him now, it’s hard to see that boy in him. Harder than you expected, if you’re being totally honest. Don’t get me wrong, you can still see in his features– even though his cheekbones are more prominent now and his jaw is more chiseled, lips plumper and his figure built more firmly than when he was a little boy– but there’s something about his demeanor that completely changed over time. He seems less enthusiastic, and while one would think that it’s just him growing into being a more laid-back and relaxed person– he’s not a kid anymore, after all– you think there’s something more to it, you just can’t quite put your finger to it. 

Seeing him close his eyes every once in a while, lids falling under the weight of his tiredness and the comfort your gentle strokes through his scalp give him, you feel your heart clench with all the care you’re currently putting into the boy, and all that you’ve been putting into him throughout your growing up. After so many years– after getting so close and intimate with him– you don’t think you’d be able to let the boy go, and just the sheer image of ever losing him or leaving him behind leaves you trembling with anxiety. 

And so, despite being afraid of ruining the calm atmosphere that comes after making love to him, you speak up with a weak voice, contrasting to what you’re logically supposed to feel after getting to know the news this morning– just because you have to know. 

“Lele?” you mumble, hearing him let out a hum, his voice sounding as if he’s half-asleep, but you know he’s listening to you. “What are your plans… after you graduate?” you ask. The day of graduation is coming faster and faster towards you, the years you’ve spent at high school finally fulfilled after all the effort you put in on your finals.

“Dunno,” he replies, eyes barely opened as his arm that’s been previously laid on the mattress in between your two bodies moves to your hip, fingers drumming over the soft skin, “why?”

“Just wondering…” you speak, voice barely louder than a whisper. The boy stays silent– his eyes once again closing on themselves as you continue to play with his hair. One would think he’s fallen asleep, not awake enough to have this conversation, and you would even believe the fact and let the conversation go, thinking you’d find another time to dwell on this topic, but then, as a surprise, his voice startles you from your deep thoughts when he curiously inquires you, the hand on your hip steadying.

“What about you?”

Taking a deep breath in and out, a smile battling to take over your lips, you lick your lips in the heartbeat that comes before your answer. Swallowing your nerves– because even though you should’ve told him the moment you got the news this morning, you’re somehow stressed out about the action of doing so– you open your mouth and finally break the rules to him. 

“I… I got to Yale,” you say, on your toes. The joy and relief you felt this morning when you saw the email appear on your phone screen is daring to creep into the way you speak to Chenle right now, but you’re keeping it in. Not letting yourself scream and shout the accomplishment from the rooftops, you look at the boy, not a change appearing on his face at hearing your announcement. “I got into their business program,” you add anxiously, waiting for him to say something– anything– to your news.

As your friend, he’s supposed to be happy for you, isn’t he? He’s supposed to hug you now and squeeze you and tell you how you’ve done a good job and that he’s proud of you and that he’s cheering you on in your dream. None of it comes, though, as he only hums and nods at your sentences, not even bothering to open his eyes to look at you when you oh so excitedly talk to him about your life goals. 

Something inside of you breaks just the tiniest bit, your mood falling as you anxiously chew on the inside of your cheek.

“Are you not gonna say anything?” you demand, halting your movements through his raven locks, averting your touch and looking at him curiously.

You watch him as he finally opens his eyes and looks at you with an empty look, licking his lips before humming again and asking you in a tone of voice that barely meets interest or excitement. “So you’re gonna be a businesswomen like your mum when you get your degree?” he asks, nodding to himself.

“Yeah,” you answer, clearing your throat. You’re a little confused at his weird stance towards the topic, but you battle out a tight-lipped smile. “I’m hoping for it.”

He hums again, the noise seemingly enough for him to consider it a valid conversation holder, a deadpan: “Good,” leaving his lips after a second, making you furrow your brows in confusion and utter disappointment. This is not the way you imagined the conversation to go– this is not how you wanted it to go at all.

Heaving out a sigh, you tug your arm to yourself, contemplating on speaking up– knowing you’re just gonna make everything worse if you do– but doing so anyway. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“I mean, what else is there to say?” 

Looking at him in disbelief, your face scrunching up in various different emotions, all mixing into one– disappointment being the dominant feel, you think, you scoff at him. This is not Zhong Chenle as you know him, and sure, he hasn’t been the most overly-excited, cheerful individual these past few months, but you still think you deserve at least a bit of praise for the achievement of getting into one of the hardest universities to get to in the world, no?

“I don’t know, you could… congratulate me, I guess…? Tell me I did a good job, I dunno… would be nice,” you mutter, snickering once more to prove your irritation with the man.

“Oh,” he says, looking genuinely surprised, taken-aback, even, ��well, congrats on the legacy admission, I guess,” he says, nonchalant, as if his words aren’t a dagger to your heart each second that passes, your blood pressure rising as the reality downs on you that he’s being serious and that this is not a sick joke.

“The legacy admission?” you repeat, eyes big and shocked, your whole body moving an inch away from him on the bed without you realizing.

“Yeah,” he shrugs, not a bit caring about breaking you from the inside, the humiliation slowly creeping from the tips of your fingertips to the depths of your soul.

“So you’re saying I went through the whole admission process and put in so much effort only for you to say that I got in because of stupid legacy?” you chirp, gazing at him with sharp eyes, blood boiling from the impact of his words. “What legacy are you even talking about?”

“Don’t act like you’re not a nepo baby,” he snickers, rolling his eyes.

Gasping at his words, baffled at the unexpected reaction, you stand up on the bed and stare at him with sharp eyes. At a loss for words, you stutter a little when you speak up again and utter out the next words, hoping to hit him where it hurts. “Like you’re not?”

“Never said I’m not,” he shrugs, “don’t have a problem with admitting I am.”

“So you’re saying I only got to university because of my parents,” you get out, glossy eyes scanning his peaceful figure, “so you’re saying I’m not smart enough to get into Yale?” 

“That’s not what I said–”

“But you implied.”

“You only hear what you want to hear,” Chenle sighs, as if he was tired of your antics, which only makes you more furious at the whole interaction.

“No, Chenle–” you stutter, his name rolling off your tongue as if it was meant to stop him with hurting you even more for discrediting your efforts, yet, you can’t find any more words to say to him as you stare at this limb body laying on the soft mattress of his king sized bed, shaking your head in disbelief.

Standing up from the bed and scattering around the room for your clothes, ignoring the way putting them on in front of him makes you feel like you’ve been stripped away from all your dignity, you hurriedly come to the door of his bedroom, almost forgetting your phone that you gather on your way out from the messy desk in the right corner of the room. 

“Where are you going?” he asks monotonously, watching you move through the place.

“Home,” you bark out, running your hand through your hair as you walk back to the door, ignoring the hot tears pricking your eyes at the feeling of your whole entire world collapsing in on you when he mourns from the bed.

“Don’t be mad, it’s not like I said anything bad…”

“Goodnight,” you snap, not bothering to look back at him as you escape his house in the middle of the night, running through the street to your house much earlier than you anticipated, wiping at your cheeks with angry palms. 

This is the first time he disappointed you, and you can’t tell if that felt worse, or if it was the excitement slowly and painfully stripping off your bones, making you feel like you’re running around without your flesh, completely see-through for everyone around.

June 27, 2020 – IFC Mall, Shanghai, 4:33 PM

“Do you think this makes my ass look extra hot?” Yizhuo asks, gaze shifting from you to Chenle to Renjun, the four of you currently in one of the designer shops at the mall. Leaning on the wall, arms crossed on your chest and chewing on the inside of your cheek, you shrug, not a word escaping your mouth.

“I’m your cousin, I’m not looking at your ass like that,” Chenle mutters under his nose, sighing as he takes a seat on one of the expensive looking sofas situated in the changing room, resting his head against the neck rest and closing his eyes in what seems to be tiredness or annoyance– either of, or both mixed in, equal parts.

“Oh come on, I need to know!”

“It does look super hot, Yizhuo, now can you–”

“So you are staring at my butt!” Yizhuo excitedly yelps, pointing a sharp finger towards Renjun, a bright grin settling onto her lips when the accused boy stutters, cheeks reddening at her comment.

“You literally asked us to, for fuck’s sake!”

“You could’ve refused, just like Chenle did,” she shrugs, smiling to herself in victory. If anyone was listening to your conversation right now, they would surely have a lot of questions you wouldn’t be able to respond to. Hell, even you’re confused half of the time you hang out with Ning Yizhuo– what the hell is going on in her head?

“He’s your family, of course he refused,” Renjun mutters, shaking his head as he drags a hand through his hair in despair.

“Whatever you say, Renjunie,” she chirps, closing the curtain behind her and changing back into the pants she wore when she got to the store in one swift motion, leaving the boy puzzled with her next words as she walks up to the counter, “I’m only buying those because you think I look super hot in them, just so you know.”

Paying for her things and escaping the store, the rest of you tagging along, you notice the boy aimlessly trying to forget about the whole situation, and his prayers were listened to, after all, since Yizhuo seems to drop the topic after teasing him so much, turning to you instead. Walking alongside with you, leaving the two boys a few steps ahead, she nudges you with her elbow, raising up her brow in question.

“What’s up with you? You haven’t even tried anything on,” she notes, “and we both know you’ve been eyeing that new LV collection, so there must be something bothering you.”

Sighing, hating that the girl knows you so well– that, or you’re being awfully obvious– you roll your eyes in annoyance and try to shrug the topic off. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s obviously a lie. Is it something with Chenle? You two are usually all over each other, so–”

“It’s not about Chenle,” you snap, cutting the poor girl off, “so drop it.”

“Did he say something stupid? I know my cousin, come on. I can slap some sense into him, sweetheart, just let me know–”

“Please let it be,” you insist, tone of voice almost a little too sharp for your own liking, but it seemingly does its job as your friend only shrugs and takes a sip out of the coffee you all bought when getting to the mall, catching up to the men a few steps in front of you, talking about basketball.

“Well, if you need to talk to anyone about it, you know where to find me,” she says, and joins the discourse with her cousin and the boy she’s been teasing for whatever reason for the last few weeks instead, leaving you to trail behind them like a lost puppy, deep in your thoughts.

It’s been a few weeks since you last talked to Chenle. He tried reaching out to you a few times, sending you texts to ask what you’re doing that day to see if you wanna hang out. It seemed that at first, he didn’t really understand that he upset you. After you continued to ignore him even on graduation day, only greeting him and sparing him a few words, he seemed to get the memo as he let you deal with your emotions by yourself instead. You were never given an apology– and truthfully, knowing Chenle, you didn’t even expect to get one in the first place. But still, it’s been bugging you and you couldn’t get his words out of your brain, because you know you can’t do anything about them– if this is the image he has of you, the opinion he created, you don’t think you can talk it out with him in the first place.

“Everything okay back there?” Chenle asks, looking behind at you. His eyes are big and honest, and you find yourself nodding to his caring question. Sparing him a word seems like too much effort right now, and so when he offers you a tight-lipped smile, you don’t have enough energy to reciprocate it.

“Princess Yizhuo here has sore feet, so we are calling it a day. You wanted anything from the mall? I can stay behind with you and go get it,” he continues, his words jabbing into you only reminding you more of the days you spent ignoring him. Realistically, he should be mad at you for it– maybe you even wanted that to happen so he would ignore you instead, giving you the silent treatment, but this is your childhood friend Zhong Chenle we’re talking about. He talks too much in situations where he should shut up instead, and that’s exactly what’s happening in this very moment as well.

“I’m good,” you note, shrugging as you throw the empty coffee cup into one of the bins on your way, your small group now escaping the mall and getting to the parking lot.

Walking towards Chenle’s Zenvo TS1 parked in the corner of the parking lot, you hear the chatter of the group resonating in your ears, not really engaging in the conversation yourself, but choosing to listen to feel included anyway. It’s not their fault that you’re not in the mood, and frankly, you’re glad they even invited you to the outing in the first place. Everything’s better than being left out in your books, even if it means forcing yourself into social interaction. 

“My driver should be here any minute,” Yizhuo smiles, waving at Renjun currently getting into his Porsche Cayenne that he got after you all arrived from his birthday trip to Korea. Watching the boy drive off– while listening to Chenle bitching about his driving (he does have a point though, the poor boy almost crashed into a pole on his way out) – you feel a nudge to your elbow, making you turn to your friend.

“Wanna get back with me, neighbor?” he asks, eyebrows raised in question. 

In any other circumstance, you wouldn’t miss a heartbeat before answering. But now, you ponder on the question for a bit– you got to the mall with Yizhuo, having hanged out with her at her place before– but now that she’s getting a drive home, there was no use in you tagging along with her, since you live quite far from her house. Getting a drive home from Chenle is the most logical solution, after all, and that’s why you find yourself nodding.

Jumping to the passenger’s seat, waving at Yizhuo still waiting for her driver to get there– it should take only about 5 more minutes, with the speed her driver can get to when called– you silently gaze out of the window on your way back, not sparing the boy next to you a glance. He seems to not mind, carefully taking turns and waiting at the stop signs and red lights on his way to your neighborhood, humming along under his breath to the songs on the radio instead to fill the silence. You spend the ride chewing on your cheek, nerves eating you up from inside just at the sheer fact of being in his close proximity again, yet still being so painfully hurt at the feelings he expressed the last time you hung out one-on-one.

His car smoothly gets to the parts of the town that feel more rich– houses growing bigger in size, the gates taller in the sky and the lawns mowed more carefully, with more fancy bushes in the yards and pure-blood dogs running around in front of the gates. After a few minutes, your neighborhood appears in front of your eyes, his car driving past your house and into the Zhong property instead, making you furrow your brows in confusion and annoyance.

“You could’ve just stopped in front of my house so I could get out, you know,” you hum, sighing when he turns the engine off. 

“I was thinking we could hang out over at ours for a sec,” he shrugs, turning his face to you with a hopeful glint in his eye, which you dismiss with an annoyed huff and a roll of your eyes, reaching towards the door handle to get out and walk over to your house instead. 

“Come on, Y/N,” he calls for you, “are you still mad?”

“No,” you snicker, shrugging as you move towards the front gates, his figure quickly catching up to you as he grabs your wrist, halting you in your movements.

“I’m sorry. Let me make it out to you?” he mumbles, looking at you with eyes big and deep like honey, and suddenly, you’re a putty under his touch– just like always, you cave in– as you sigh, following him inside. You don’t miss the victorious pep in his step as he leads you inside, his hand still in contact with your arm, only letting go when you get to his room and he leads you to sit on his bed.

“Wanna play something?” he asks, thrusting a PS5 controller into your hands, not really leaving you much room for disapproval. Grunting and rolling your eyes at him, you watch as he opens up It takes two, your characters running around the split screen trying to figure out the way around.

The silence between the two of you is cruciating, suffocating, even, as neither of you have enough courage to open up the topic again. Tugging at your bottom lip, biting off the dry skin up to the point it bleeds, you sigh and turn to the boy again, putting the controller down. “Is this your way of making it up to me?” you ask.

Cocking his head to you, he shrugs. “I mean, I had a different idea, but that’s up for a discussion…” he mutters, the suggestion of his words making you roll your eyes at him, in disbelief of the fact that he still has the audacity to tease when he knows you’re clearly upset with him.

“Okay, I’m… really sorry, okay?” he says when he registers your mood, sighing to himself and running a hand through his hair. “I kinda fucked up, and I realise that. I didn’t mean to imply that you’re stupid, or anything– come on, I always cheated off you on exams, after all– so, I just- it came off wrong, is what I’m tryna say,” he concludes, looking at you hopefully, his face seemingly in tune with the words coming out of his mouth.

Humming, you shrug, not really knowing what to say. The apology settles a little in you, noting that at least he acknowledged that he fucked up, and so you pick up the controller again and avert your gaze from him. Seeing as his character refuses to move, you look at him from the corner of your eye, raising your brows in question.

“So you forgive me?” he asks, licking his lips in nerves– the action making your eyes travel down to the plump rosiness, involuntarily following his action. His glistening mouth has your gaze wandering around his body, eyes focusing on things you’ve been purposefully ignoring the whole day– the way his forearms show off in his short-sleeved shirt, the way his hair is parted in a way that shows his forehead in the most strangely attractive ways, and also the ever-so casual demeanor of the male. Chuckling to yourself, you shrug, taunting him.

“I dunno,” you mumble, “how can you make it up to me?”

And again, Chenle gets the hint– he’s not stupid, after all. 

Slowly lounging himself towards you, making you drop the controller to his sheets, you close your eyes in expectancy of his touch, already so used to the rhythm of his lips against yours. His hand holds your jaw in place, firm kisses pressed to your yearning mouth, you try to remember the way his touch feels– just in case you have to give it up soon again– a selfish action of your body as you thread your fingers through his hair. 

Lips ghosting over yours, he snickers against them as he speaks. “You taste of blood,” he notes.

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking matters into your own hands as you lock yourself to him again, pressing shaky, hurried kisses to his lips. 

He finds a better place to attach them to, though, as he gently pushes you towards his mattress into a lying position, traveling towards your jaw and your neck. His touch never stays long enough to leave a mark– at least not in places visible for everyone to see, saving you a lot of explaining to your parents and your friends– but the kisses still leave you breathless and yearning for more, hands traveling down his back and humming in pleasure.

“Missed this,” he speaks against your skin, breathless, “so much.”

“Missed my body or me?” you ask, a hint of bitterness on your tongue.

“A bit of both,” he smirks, gently sucking on the skin of your collarbone, leaving you to squirm under the feathery touch. Hands traveling up under your shirt, his fingers trailing across your belly and the curve of your hip, you’re left shivering under the contrast of the heated atmosphere and his stone-cold hands, giggling when he presses an unusually sweet kiss to your cheek in between the more risky ones.

“And which one did you miss more?” you tease, locking eyes with him as he hovers over your body, plopped up by an arm on either side of your head.

His eyes glimmer as he stares you down, cocking his head to the side. “I miss when you didn’t talk,” he says, leaning down again and taking your breath away with a kiss, a displeased grunt meeting his lips as you disapprove of his snarky comment.

In the sheer second where you two break away for air, his hands undress your top, leaving you under him just in your underwear, a position you two have found yourselves in a number of times before. Still, it leaves you shy away under his hungry eyes, only relaxing again when his raven locks tickle the underside of your jaw, lips attaching to every inch of your now exposed body, not afraid of bruising the skin you always keep covered, out of everyone’s eyes. Sometimes, you yearn for him to plant a lovebite to your jaw, to the juncture of your shoulder and your neck, wanting to show them off to everyone and claim the boy as yours– you know you don’t have that power, though, when Zhong Chenle will never be yours and the bruises of desire are always hidden away from everyone, like a dirty little secret; much like what you two have going on in the first place anyway.

“You know,” he mutters against your skin, in between the kisses that have now grown lazier, “I was starting to get a little crazy when you ignored me. That was a first,” he says.

Snickering, hands once again finding their place in his locks, you shrug. “Was the first time you deserved it.”

“Does my opinion really matter to you that much?” he asks, chuckling as he presses another kiss to your skin, to a place a few inches below your collarbone.

“We’ve been friends forever,” you say, “‘course it does.”

“Well, then you should’ve known that as your friend,” he huffs, lips pressed against your skin, “‘m not looking down on you.”

Humming, you let him work his magic as his lazy kisses inch closer to the fabric of your bra, his other hand playing with the fabric of it, twirling the little bow in between your breasts in his fingers as he leans on one of his plopped-up hands, looking at you from the side. 

“Guess I was just more curious about what you wanted to do after school, y’know,” you say, the conversation flowing despite his hands all over you, “before you called me a nepo baby, of course.”

He chuckles at your remark, rolling his eyes at you as his finger trails up your side, your skin growing goosebumps under his touch. “Dunno yet. Why do you care?”

“Wanted to see how far we’re gonna be,” you say, the moment suddenly growing more intimate. The relationship you two have was never inclusive– you two had sex sometimes, sure, but you never once told each other this was more than that. You two were just mere fuck buddies, childhood friends that found sexual attraction in each other somewhere along the way, and while that was enough for you for a while, you found yourself growing anxious of the fact that he was never going to be fully yours. And with the growing anxiety– the smallest remainder of your worries that overtake you in the middle of the night sometimes– your throat closes up on itself when you choke out the next words. “Wanted to see how much time we have left together.”

His hand settles on your hip, his eyes bearing into yours with a newly found heaviness in them. Furrowing his brows, he licks his lips in nerves before speaking up. “Well, I’ll always be your neighbor, so you can find me when you come back. Unless we move, y’know…” he jokes, an airy laugh coming out his lungs that doesn’t meet the expected intention of easing the situation.

You chuckle– but there’s not a hint of lightheartedness in the gesture, quite the opposite, really– as you avert your gaze from him, your head lollying to the side when you try to hide your slowly, but surely growing red eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

The hand on your hip squeezes the skin under it, his figure now fully hovering over you again, eyes desperately wanting to meet yours. A finger gently pressed to your chin makes you turn your head back forward, his worried gaze bearing into you, and for a moment, you two only stare into each other’s eyes, frozen in time. 

And again, Zhong Chenle isn’t stupid. 

But for a second, he acts like he is. 

“What are you talking about?” he chuckles. “You’re scaring me.”

And when you don’t give him an answer, but instead chew on the inside of your cheek– another place to bleed after you bite down too hard from the nerves crushing you from the inside– he seems to finally get the hint, an airy laugh full of disbelief meeting your ears. Having figured it out, still, he speaks it into existence– as if he needed a confirmation; 8 words tormentingly escaping from between his swollen lips.

“You don’t have feelings for me, do you?”

Sniffling, you shut your eyes close at the question, your silence a clear answer to your childhood friend as he peels himself off you, the feeling of cold air on your exposed skin like a painful slap to reality. You stay like that for some time, mentally counting seconds, each hammer of your heart in your chest like a threat to your existence. Finally, the silence is broken by a determined, yet a little weak sentence coming out of Chenle’s mouth.

“I think you have to leave.” 

Numb, you follow the orders.

July 25, 2020 – Ning Yizhuo’s room, Shanghai, 6:11 PM

“So I was right all along?” Yizhuo snickers, eating from the bowl of almonds she has settled in the free space between her lap and her crossed legs, staring at you with the hydrating sheet mask on her face. You heave out a sigh at her comment, rolling your eyes as you fall back into her soft mattress, shaking your head in disbelief.

“That’s all you got from this conversation?” 

“Almost,” she mumbles, but nudges you with her foot right after, “I’m joking. I was listening, I’m just… shocked that I was actually right and that you were fucking my cousin all along.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not happening anymore, so you don’t have to be disturbed,” you grunt, wondering why you actually told the girl in the first place, regretting the decision perhaps the most right now. Yes, she did bug you for the last few weeks about the reasoning behind your attitude, and the fact that you refused all the invitations to hang out with your friends in fear of seeing Chenle were starting to get a bit suspicious, so you figured you can’t hide it anymore and that Yizhuo was bound to find out either way sooner or later. And still, you think you needed a bit of girl advice too.

“‘m not disturbed,” she mumbles, voice suddenly considerate, “I just- the whole situation is all kinds of weird and fucked up right now.”

“Tell me about it,” you chuckle, the bitter taste on your tongue never leaving despite trying to drown your sorrow down in sweets. “I fucked it up, Yizhuo.”

“Now, that’s just not true,” she sighs, putting the bowl of almonds to her coffee table and laying next to you, reaching for your hand and swinging it around in failed acts of encouragement and affection. “It’s not your fault he freaked out and made it weird.”

“I made it weird!” you mourn, breaking away from her grasp and dragging your hands through your hair in frustration, the feelings bundling in your stomach making you feel like acid is just bound to shoot out of the crevices of your insides, throwing up from the stress and despair. “I’m moving across the world the next month and I won’t see any of you for a long time, since Jun is moving to Korea and you’re gonna work in your parent’s company as well as going to uni here, and instead of spending the last moments of summer break together, I fucked it up and made everything weird and awkward just because I had to fall in love with my childhood best friend. While we’d been fucking. Isn’t that fucking great?” you huff, closing your eyes shut with the tears threatening to fall down your cheeks at your own words falling from between your lips.

“We are spending time together right now, though,” Yizhuo tries to cheer you up, her pout heard in her tone.

“There are millions of different ways you’d love to spend your time with me instead of moping because of your cousin,” you note, sighing, “and I don’t even fucking know what he’s gonna do after summer break, and now, I won’t get to know.”

Yizhuo grows quiet next to you, suggesting the thickening atmosphere. Turning on your side to see your friend with her eyes glued to your figure, you chew on the inside of your cheek. She sighs, preparing herself for the mental tangent she’s gonna bring you on, and reaches over to smooth down your messy hair. 

“You know, Chenle never really liked… this life,” she says, shrugging, “he hates shopping, he hates hearing about investing, he hated traveling so much when you and your family didn’t tag along… At every family reunion, he just hid away in his room and never got out, because he found the whole situation snobby and fake and all those adjectives I’ve never really thought about calling my own relatives. He… he…” she licks her lips, trying to come up with the right words to say, “he sees the world around us with different eyes, and I don’t think he’s happy with it. So don’t- don’t be mad at him for not really… going anywhere with it, okay?” 

Furrowing your brows at her, you shake your head in confusion. This is perhaps the first time you really realized Chenle’s view on things– it’s not like you haven’t heard his annoyed rants about all the prestige and over-the-top lifestyle you all have, but that’s all you thought it was. Annoyance– because at the end of the day, your life is comfortable. You wouldn’t want it any other way. If money moves the world around, you were the one walking through every hallway, all opportunities opened up in front of your eyes; and you don’t think you’d enjoy your life more if you had a bit less money. Chenle, on the other hand, seems to be quite the opposite. His joy is not determined by money, and for the first time in your life, it seems like you’re getting what he’s been talking about your whole life, the words you heard but never truly listened to. It was right in front of you the whole time, but you never saw it, and now that your eyes have been opened, you find it hard to deal with the revelation.

“But what is he going to do?” you gurgle out, confused. 

“I don’t think he knows either,” Yizhuo shrugs, “he’s… figuring out things, I suppose.”

Chuckling, you shut your eyes in despair, thinking for a bit, but still failing to grasp the situation. “I don’t get it. He- he could have everything, but he’s just… throwing everything away? He could move across the world, he could start his own company, he could buy a house or work or study, but he just won’t,” you ramble, “I don’t get it.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Yizhuo shrugs, “but he sees it a different way.”

Laying flat on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling, your friend clears her throat and awkwardly shuffles around her sheets. “And at the end of the day, even though you’ve been friends for forever, I think you’re just in love with the version of him that you’ve created in your head. The version that you’re trying, but cannot fix,” she notes, pausing for a moment before proceeding,  “the only person you can fix is yourself.”

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right. Maybe you fell in love with the Chenle in his sports car, Chenle in the golf cart with his designer clothes on, Chenle on the cruise ship sipping on expensive alcohol. Maybe you fell in love with the version that has the whole world in the palm of his hand, the version of him that goes to Yale with you and rents out a luxurious apartment in the middle of the city, kissing you behind the tall windows, watching over the busy streets– the version in your dreams, the version you wanted to achieve.

But what about the version of him that walked you to your house after tennis class? What about the version of him that cuddled you in his sheets, the version of him that fell asleep soundly when you played with his hair, cradled your fingers through his scalp? What about the version of him that scared you in the dark, because he knew you get creeped out too easily, the version of him that ate cheap sausage with you in Japan, the version of him that studied with you and brought you to your bed when you fell asleep at the table? What about the version of him that cried to Disney movies with you, the version of him that danced with you to the tunes of One Direction in your room when you were sixteen, the version of him that threw rocks on your window in the moonlight the night you turned seventeen, wanting to be the first one to wish you happy birthday before slipping inside of your room in the middle of the night, only to fall asleep seconds later, huddling your sheets?

Did you make that up? Was that not him in the first place?

And maybe, there is a discrepancy between the dream you’ve made up in your head with him, the idea of you two staying together, trying to fix the view he has on the world you two live in, but at the end of the day, none of it was a lie. 

And maybe, Yizhuo’s right; you should change the way you view things to match Chenle’s better, because at the end of the day, maybe you’re the one too blinded by the gold and silver around your neck to see the real issue here.

August 2, 2020 – Lehai Villas, Baicheng, China, 10:15 PM

When you finally see Zhong Chenle after the night he kicked you out of his bedroom, both of you are a mess. 

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense. Your dress is neat, the jewelry on your neck was carefully picked out days before, the heels enveloping your feet are one of the most comfortable ones for you to walk in, since you prepared yourself for being on your feet the whole evening. Your makeup is fixed on your face, earrings dangling off your ears and your purse matches the outfit perfectly; your hair in a fancy updo that you even drove to a hairdresser for, all so that you could look flawless for another one of your parent’s gatherings. Their business partner’s son is turning 21, and while it doesn’t look like that big of a deal, they are celebrating the fact that Mark Lee is now one of the shareholders of their company– and in your world, this is the most moving moment of the child’s life.

You’re a mess in the more subtle sense– you keep looking around, restless, not really paying attention to anything anyone is saying. Aimlessly humming and picking at the skin of your cuticles, you try hard to both catch a glance of your friend, and to also avoid him at all costs. The reality that Zhong Chenle is a mess too hits you only when you finally see him– his tie loose on his neck, a grunt escaping his throat that you can hear from all the way to where you are, his walking a little wobbly and his hair messy as he runs his hand through the sprayed-down locks, his composure disheveled and so obviously out of the place.

And you want to stay away, you really do– to let him deal with his own things by himself, to pretend you weren’t cautiously looking for him all evening– but when he picks up another glass of alcohol from one of the tables and downs it in one go, cheeks getting rosier by the minute, you wonder how far you can let him go until he gets into trouble with his parents; and suddenly, you’re on your feet, just like you expected, dragging your figure closer to the one you’ve been trying to avoid.

“Don’t you think you’ve drunk enough?” you mumble when you appear behind him, his shoulders slouching at the tone of your voice. When he looks around and catches your eyes, he snickers to himself, shrugging, before he makes a face full of disgust at your remark.

“We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” he says, “Mark Lee’s a big man now, taking all the responsibility for a company that’s so great, and he loves the job so much,” he continues, over-exaggerating every word, “and we’re here to celebrate his birthday! Have you… seen the motherfucker anywhere, by the way? Would wanna congratulate him on… the thing…” he trails off, dramatically scratching his head as he speaks the last words.

“Chenle–”

“Right! We are celebrating a guy we don’t even know, or seen the whole evening, but that’s so great, because at least we have all this alcohol–”

“Okay, you’re getting out of here,” you snap, shaking your head at his antics and digging your nails into his forearm, dragging the boy out of the crowded place before he throws a tantrum. With how his voice was getting louder and louder, a few figures turned to watch your exchange, and you can’t imagine the turmoil this will take on him once his parents find out– it’s better to get him out of there before he messes up even more badly.

His feet stumbling on the stairs outside, he mutters something under his breath as you drag his half-limp, half-stubborn body through the enormous land. The gardens are full of fairy lights and adults talking to each other in hushed whispers, laughter erupting out of their put-together figures every now and then, and you take some time before you finally manage to find a silent corner in one of the carefully mowed gardens, Chenle’s complains silencing after a while, admitting his fate.

Carelessly throwing his body towards one of the benches, the lighting dim in the corner, you watch as he takes a seat and looks at you with defeated eyes, the emptiness behind his gaze breaking you on so many levels you didn’t even think you could master; Zhong Chenle is a mess– has been a mess for a while now, and you didn’t notice– you didn’t do anything about it until now.

“What happened to you?!” you yelp out, voice betraying you somewhere towards the end of the sentence, sounding more desperate than you intended. Eyes scanning over his slouching body, you notice him playing with his fingers in his lap, an action of calming himself down that he’s picked up after you slapped his hands every time he tried to bite on his nails growing up, and you take a few steps around the place, running your fingers through your carefully styled hair. 

“Don’t scold me like my mother,” Chenle grunts, rolling his eyes at your composure.

“No, Chenle, because I don’t get it,” you shake your head, looking him dead in the sparkless eyes, “I do not get it.”

When he offers you no explanation, rather just gazing your whole body up and down, eyes half-lidded, you presume he’s a bit out of it– the alcohol truly hitting his system now, making you result in a little tangent of yourself, because you presume everything’s better than his parent’s scolding, and maybe he just needs someone to wake him back to reality. “What happened, Chenle? What the actual fuck is going on lately? You don’t speak to anyone about it, you don’t tell me, out of all people–” a snicker leaves his lips to this, making you huff in frustration, “you don’t tell anyone how you’re feeling, and it’s eating you up from the inside, and believe me when I say, Chenle, it’s pretty damn heartbreaking to watch.”

Looking at him, you’re offered nothing but silence. His cheeks are rosy and puffed up from the alcohol, his frame is small– opposed to the power stance he usually takes– and you don’t think you’re getting a conversation from him any time soon. Ready to give up, you shake your head at him and scoff. “Okay, fine. You don’t have to talk to me, since you have an issue with the fact that I care about you more than I should,” you snap, agreeing to be petty with him, if this was how he was gonna play.

“I don’t talk to any of you, because you wouldn’t understand,” he says, voice almost a bit annoyed, tongue dipped in bitterness. 

“We grew up together, Chenle. Our lives are pretty much the same, why the fuck would you think that I, out of all people, wouldn’t understand?” 

“See, that’s the thing,” Chenle catches you off guard, charming in with an argument barely before you are able to finish the sentence, “our lives are pretty much the same, yet you love it. You fucking love it, all of you do– you love waking up in your little fancy bedrooms, doing great at school because if you don’t, your parents are going to threaten you with disowning you– and what else do you have if not your parents wealth that you coincidentally, also despise at the same time? You go shopping to your favorite mall with your equally wealthy friends, because you’re not allowed to befriend people that are lower class– that would just look fucking embarrassing in front of your parents’ contacts, wouldn’t it? You go to charity events and birthday celebrations of a guy you’ve never seen in your whole life before, just because someone told you to– and don’t you dare tell them you won’t go, because how the fuck are they gonna look all pretty in front of their business partners if their only son doesn’t attend a celebration of someone inheriting a share from their parents’ company– a thing you’re supposed to do as soon as you turn 20, if you don’t attend university they picked out for you instead. You go on fancy holidays and take pictures in front of all the attractions, and it doesn’t even feel special anymore, because you do this every month– and the only time you ever felt alive was when you were drunk and making out with someone that you shouldn’t even think about in that way in the first place, because it’s your parents’ friends’ daughter, and at the end of the day, they would just love the fact that we were together, because that could strengthen the business bond they have– the only reason why they’re friends in the first place, and I’m so fed up, I hate it, I despise it–” he stops to take a breath, his eyes getting glossy,

and suddenly, you’re helpless, you’re falling apart– because the issue is so much bigger than you anticipated and you don’t know how to do anything about it.

“And I don’t fucking feel real, Y/N, I don’t, and I don’t think I ever have, because I just wake up in the mornings and then somewhere along the way, I realise I’m alive and I laugh, because how could all of this be real? How could the money be real? How could anything be real, and– and it’s so confusing, because I should be grateful, but I’m not, because I can’t even fully grasp it,” he breathes, tears now streaking down his cheeks.

It feels like the whole world stopped for a moment; it feels like you are in a movie and someone pressed pause. You stare at him, you blink, and you pray for something to send you strength to deal with this, to tell you what to do or how to comfort him– because this must have felt so alone, and you can’t stand the image of Chenle ever being lonely.

Opening your mouth and closing it, you gasp for air. No words feel suitable for this kind of conversation, and so you just chime towards him– despite all your best assumptions– and hold him. Because at the end of the day, what helps more to ground someone back to earth than human touch?

Pads of your thumbs wipe at the teardrops strolling down his cheeks, every contact with the salty liquid hurting you, cutting through your skin like razor blades– because Chenle never cries, he never feels like something is worth indulging in enough to bring him to tears– and when he catches his trembling bottom lip in his teeth, you break; pulling him towards you and threading your fingers through his hair, the action once lullying him to sleep now used like a broken mantra– please be okay, please relax, please let me hold you until you’re glued back together again.

“I dunno what to do,” he shrugs, his head resting on your stomach, voice burrowing itself into the fabric of your expensive dress, “dunno where to go. ‘Cause Jun’s leaving, and Yizhuo’s gonna be busy with everything, and– and you’re moving across the fucking ocean, and I’m just– I turned everything down, because–” he says, voice breaking, and you shush him with a pat on his back, touch growing more affectionate.

“It’s okay,” you hum, “I got you,” you say; words he once told you at the golf cart, looking after you, or in the hotel room back in Japan when you were 6 and falling asleep, still scared of ghosts appearing in your bedroom– and you believed them, you always did, because Chenle was always there when you needed him– so you only pray he finds comfort in the sincere phrases, because what more is there to offer him?

His breathing grows steadier as you continue to play with his messy hair, his hands gently allowing themselves to wrap around your thighs, your standing figure shelved between his legs, and he laughs to himself, the whole situation kind of ironic to him now. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. ‘m kinda numb, you know, so it doesn’t even really hurt in the first place,” he says, and you wish you found the same humor in it than he did– or at least the bitter sense of soothing yourself with irony– but you can’t. Looking down at his body, latched to you like a lifeline, you wonder how you could ever leave him there alone, to deal with the burden by himself. How could you ever move so far away from him?

“My parents wanted me to go with you,” he starts, the sentence sparking up something inside of you, but he doesn’t pull away and meet your eyes when he continues, foreshadowing a sad ending to your hope, “they said I should study business at Yale as well, that it’s a great opportunity.”

You don’t reply to him, choosing not to push him. After a sigh, he continues. “And I didn’t get in, because, naturally, I was too stupid for it in the first place– no, I was–” he says when you gently slap the back of his head at the comment, “but then they paid the dean and suddenly I was allowed to go. Can you believe that?” he snickers bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Bad mouthed you for a thing I despised in myself, when you were the one that got in fair and square in the first place.”

“‘s okay,” you mumble, compassion dripping off your words.

“And I turned it down, ‘cause I hated the fact that they did that. I was okay with studying the fucking business program, even though I despised it, I was okay with moving across the world, because at least you’d be there, y’know, but I couldn’t bear the fact that they did that to get me in. I think I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, because they had to pay for me to get there, but– I don’t know…” he trails off, and you sigh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“It’s okay to take opportunities that are presented to you, Lele,” you mumble, “I know you hate it, but you can’t change who you’re born to. The best you could do is to not waste all of this,” you say, trying to find a source of light in the deep abyss of his thoughts.

You try hard to solve the problem– to offer him a solution that could work, that could let him forget about the pain for at least a second– to wake him up from whatever deep thinking that got him into this mess. You try hard to solve the problem– but you don’t know how to deal with it. All you know is that you’re trying to pick up the patterns; you’d fit in his skin if you could, you’d crawl in and fix everything– but at the end of the day, as Yizhuo said, the only person you can fix is yourself.

“Bought,” he says, fixing your mistake, “opportunities that were bought for me. I couldn’t do it,” he says.

Huffing, indulging in a spare second of your own pain– a spare second of the despair eating you up from the insides, the helplessness you’ve been feeling ever since you were forcefully kicked out of Zhong Chenle’s life– and you didn’t even tell him you loved him in the first place before he got stuck in the fire of the woods; before you two started acting like it didn’t matter and always ended up in feuds– you mumble a comment, voice barely louder than a whisper, but he can hear it because of the closeness of your bodies in the few stray raindrops that come over you two once the clock strikes midnight.

“We could’ve lived together, you and me,” you say, “us against the whole world,” you comment– a childlike yearning spilling out of your lips, “we could’ve gone to Yale together and you’d figure something out along the way. Maybe– maybe you’d find a purpose if you moved, we could–”

“Y/N,” he shushes you, uttering out your name, finally breaking away from you as he looks up and gazes into the swimming pools of your eyes, shaking his head with a faint smile, “‘s okay. It wouldn’t have fixed anything anyway, it– it wouldn’t have helped.”

“But–”

“You can move, Y/N, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re taking yourself with you.”

August 20, 2020 – the backyard of your childhood house, Shanghai, 11:11 PM

You were never really that good at science– sure, your parents demanded you get good grades in every subject and your private school put quite the pressure on your education, but even though you always managed to pull satisfactory marks in exams, your understanding of the logistics sometimes lacked; you were much better at humanities or business-related courses, hearing enough at family dinners to find out your way through the lectures and apply the facts into examples from real life.

So, if anyone asked you how many stars there were in the universe, you wouldn’t be too confident in your answer. You wouldn’t know how to apply the Milky Way as your model– since it was said that it has around 100 billion stars alone– and multiply the part by the amount of galaxies in the universe– approximately 2 trillion– to get a number somewhere close to 200 billion trillion, also called 200 sextillion. 

You wouldn’t know how to do any of that, or how to even count this amount without a calculator, so you’d take a more liberal arts approach– literary, even– and say, that on August 20, 2020, at 11:11 sharp in your backyard, gazing on to the deep, dark sky and wishing for a star to fall so you could propose a selfish wish that could change everything, there’s still not more stars there than in Zhong Chenle’s eyes when your gazes meet after your friends leave for the evening, leaving you with your neighbor completely alone.

And it’s strange, seeing him like this– maybe because you didn’t even realize how used to the dull and emotionless Chenle you’ve been all this time– but it warms something inside of your heart as you take a hesitant step towards him, the first one out of the whole evening, and take a seat next to him in the corner of your terrace, sighing to yourself.

“You actually came,” you note, seeing as he turns to you and furrows his eyebrows at you in confusion.

“Should I not have? I mean, by the text you sent me, it seemed like you wanted me here, but if I misread the situation, I can go…” he snickers, teasing you just the slightest as he nudges you to your side.

You hum, shaking your head in disapproval. “No,” you say, “I just… I dunno.”

“Expected me to ignore you?” 

“Kinda,” you admit, snickering.

“Damn,” he giggles, “that’s fair, though. Considering the previous events, and all.”

Rolling your eyes at his composure, finally getting used to the old Chenle– the one that teases you over the smallest things, the one who doesn’t let his emotions show in his face– you watch him as he takes a seat on one of the rattan sofas and you follow him, body slouching next to his, feeling his head gently rest on your shoulder in the mere moment of silence between your two figures.

“Wouldn’t let you leave without seeing you for the last time,” he says, voice quiet and vulnerable, “god knows when I’ll see you again.”

“Chenle–”

“Just because you don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean it’s not real,” he snickers, already knowing where your words are going– you’re going to try to stop him, tell him you don’t want to think about it right now, on the last evening at your house for the near future. 

“I’d rather not think about that, y’know,” you huff, frustrated. The anxieties of leaving everything behind are clenching on your insides right now, holding you back from moving freely and with enthusiasm, and you wonder– if you knew how this would feel all those months ago– if you knew how terrifying and painful the whole process could be, would you still apply to Yale? Would you still want to go?

“Okay,” he dotes, tone of voice casual, like it’s not a big deal. 

“Okay? Just like that?” you snicker, surprised at how easily he gave the topic up.

“Yeah. Don’t wanna make you sadder.”

Sitting in silence, you realize there’s so many words you’d like to say to him. You’d like to tell him just how much you’re gonna miss him and how you regret ruining the last few months you two had together, and how you’re sorry your feelings scared him to the point where he felt like he had no one to confide in. You’d like to tell him how you built a future with him in your brain, carefully placed him into your reality, only for him to break away from your grasp and go his own way, and how much it hurts, but how you’re always going to support him in whatever he chooses, because you care for him more than your little heart could take. You’d like to tell him how you’re gonna call him every day to check up on him, how you’re gonna send letters and press a secret kiss to each sheet of expensive paper you’ll get downtown, wishing he could feel the essence with the growing distance between you two. You’d like to ask him to visit you often– he’s gonna have more time on his hands, and god knows money’s not the issue. You’d like to selfishly tell him you find it hard to deal with the distance, and how you wish he wouldn’t find somebody else while you’re gone, and how you so dearly hope that somewhere in there, your feelings are silently reciprocated, but hidden away in fear of everything falling apart once again.

But instead, you don’t say anything. You tend to wait for him to speak up first– he’s always had a problem with talking too much in the first place, after all.

And he does– you can still predict his next moves. You know him that well.

“I’m gonna miss you, though,” he sighs, catching you off guard by saying something from the list of your silenced words, “don’t think that I won’t. Or that the way I’ll miss you is different than the way you’re gonna miss me,” he speaks, tone of voice laced in honesty and sincerity, his words heavy with the essence of what he’s never going to say out loud– or so you think.

“In what way?”

“I’m not gonna miss you like a friend misses a friend,” he says, “and I don’t mean the sex,” he snickers, brightening the mood with his comment.

Rolling his eyes at him, you feel him lift his head up from your shoulder, forcing you to look at him and meet his starry eyes again– the damn starry eyes that always make you spill the truth, because god knows you cannot lie to him– and you find yourself scanning his features, the structure of his bones you fear you’re gonna forget when you’re away, so desperately wanting to lock your lips with his for one last time, because when you come back one day, you may not have the right or chance to do so anymore. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, not a hint of teasing in his voice.

“You know why, Chenle.”

“Can you say it out loud?” he demands, and you shake your head– maybe it's best if the words are left unsaid. Doesn’t matter if they’re hanging in the air, for everyone to read.

“Why?”

“You know how I feel about you,” you snicker, “don’t make me say it out loud.”

Because even if you told him you loved him, it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make it all better, it wouldn’t make it all good– no matter how hard you wish that it would. 

“Okay,” he nods, agreeing too fast again– and with that, he smiles, the gesture so soft and sudden, and there you are– you’ve got a caving heart in your open arms, and Chenle takes it, carelessly choking out the hushed confession, “I’m in love with you. If you don’t say it, I’m gonna, because… you deserve to know.”

Heart sinking into your stomach, you watch him, frozen in your place, for a while. Your eyes carefully scan every curve of his face– the curve of his lips, the curve of his cheeks, the hood of his eyes, his brows, the thousand stolen galaxies in his orbs and mouth glistening like honey, inviting you in. Snickering under your breath, you choose to not give in to the temptation.

“You’re only saying that because I’m leaving tomorrow,” you say, shaking your head. 

“Maybe,” he agrees.

And you know that– you know that if you weren’t leaving, he wouldn’t tell you that he loves you. He wouldn’t allow himself to be this vulnerable, he wouldn’t tell you how he feels about you, because he had all this time– all those months and weeks spent with you in his bed, and you know his touches weren’t just shallow desire– and he never once said anything. He didn’t do anything about it, and now that there is nothing more to do about it, nothing that could change the trajectory of either of your lives, he chooses to speak it to the universe; because it doesn’t change anything, it can’t possibly do so– and so he doesn’t have to fear the consequences, he doesn’t have to fear the attachment that comes with such confession.

And for a minute, you think it’s selfish. You think it’s laughable, ironic, even, but you accept it. 

His hand reaches for yours, interlocking your fingers with his when he launches you forward into him, arms gently enveloping your body when your head settles itself to the curve of his shoulder. You stay like this for a while, in his hold again, breathing in his scent and trying to remember it for weeks and months before you’re able to smell it again, letting out a nosy question out of your lips– and truly, you don’t know why you do so, when you know the answer to it already anyway. Maybe you just want to hear it again.

“So… you do have feelings for me too, after all?”

He stays quiet for a while, before he softly laughs into your hair. “Yeah,” he nods, “but it doesn’t matter, ‘cause you’re leaving for Yale tomorrow, aren’t you?”

And he’s right– you are. Thinking for a while, feeling him place a shy peck to the crown of your head– the only kiss you two allow yourselves at this point of time– you come to the conclusion that  even though you love him, care for him like you’ve never cared for another before, you wouldn’t change a thing about your plan– wouldn’t change the trajectory of your whole life, wouldn't stay in Shanghai, wouldn’t drop out of university, wouldn’t stop everything because of him, because in a way, you strangely have it all figured out. 

And he doesn’t.

And you pray that one day, he’ll find the purpose in all the potential he holds in his hands.

[tonicandjins]

frequent flyers | lee donghyuck

CHARACTERS: haechan | lee donghyuck x fem reader

WORD COUNT: 13k

GENRE: angst, fluff, smut (non-linear) | best friends to strangers

AUTHOR'S NOTE: read with caution. this is written in a non-linear form, so you don't know when it's going to hurt ;) this is a dh x reader version of my markhyuck fic from ao3, but with a different ending

frequent flyers is the third installment from 23 moments with donghyuck

Donghyuck looks beautiful like this: skin glowing under the dainty string lines and lined up lanterns hanging from the high ceilings, lips curled up to genuine smile instead of the usual teasing smirk plastered on his mouth, cheeks tainted in berry red—a single manifestation of the glasses of wine he’s had tonight, eyes round and sincere and everything you’ve ever known.

Zhong Chenle’s mellifluous voice echoes in the banquet, singing to the tune of lover as the newly weds take their first dance (third song in) in the middle of the floor, surrounded by couples and lovers swaying. From your peripheral view, you catch a glimpse of Park Jisung sneaking his phone out and recording the whole thing—after Chenle clearly mentioned no one else aside from the newlyweds’ assigned videographer is allowed to film him.

On other days, you’d love to listen to Chenle’s golden voice, and he knows this because from all the years you’ve known him, you’d supported his career and you’d spend many hours sitting in his studio, listening to him record, or sitting somewhere halfway across the world, watching him write his songs. I can listen to him sing all day, you’d say, but as the night jumps deeper into its darkness, you realize how excruciatingly long his 15-minute medley went by.

You look across the room.

Donghyuck looks enthralling like this: beautiful even after all these years, charming like he’s the day he turned 21, grown, earnest, and at ease. It’s agonizing to look at from where you sit across the room—hands wrapped around her waist, eyes closing as he leans in, drunk, drunk, drunk like the night you’d left him, heart void of you.

You begin to count.

At 27, you’re pretty much done with all kinds of romance the world could offer.

Unlike the person sitting next to you, you prefer to listen to Blushing Youth than watch some high-rated romantic comedy film during your 12-hour flight from Heathrow to Incheon, and while you’ve been moving around for most of your life (having earned your nickname as frequent flyer, credits to Jisung), flying is not one of the things you’re fond of. In fact, it’s not in the long list of strengths you brag about in your LinkedIn bio. You reckon it would truly be embarrassing, to say the least, to ask a stranger to distract you from the sound of the aircraft’s engine running at full power as it takes off from the runway, hence you opt to blast Ahn Jiyoung’s voice right in your eardrums.

It’s odd, people would say, for someone who’s supposedly mastered the art of moving from one country to another to be so terrified of flights, but if people want you to be completely honest, nothing sounds more horrifying than the thought of seeing Lee Donghyuck after years of radio silence.

As pathetic as it sounds, your heart still skips a beat—three, sometimes—at the thought of him.

Donghyuck, who used to be your sun, who had you orbiting around his gravitational pull for years, who used to be so close but not enough to have, who—if you think about it now—might have never been the center of your solar system after all, but maybe just a shooting star passing by.

The plane takes off, roughly and loud like you’d expected, and you catch a glimpse of a scene from Love, Rosie from the person sitting beside you and immediately regret going coach instead of flying business like how you would if your flights last more than ten hours. You hate this film; you hate it because Alex is to Rosie, like how Donghyuck is to you.

Alex and Rosie, like you and Donghyuck, are—were—long-time best friends who used to be inseparable until one day they’re not. Rosie misses her chance. Alex stops yearning, hoping, waiting, and finally decides to get on with his life. It’s a story of a bunch of tangled webs—a messy tumbleweed of missed calls and delayed flights, of long nights and short days, of forgotten promises and faded hope.

The film introduces new people, bids goodbye to old chapters, but in the end it’s Alex and Rosie.

And you wish that’s how your story went. You don’t end up kissing him in your very own hotel with an awe-striking view of the horizon right outside the window.

You bury the thought before you start missing him again. You run out of tracks from Blushing Youth’s discography like how you run dry from thinking about what happens next when your plane lands.

Might as well sleep it off.

A sharp, jabbing pain on your left leg wakes you up from your unscheduled sleep. Hissing, you find Donghyuck sitting on top of your legs.

“I swear to God,” you breathe, kicking your best friend’s weight off your limbs. “I will freaking kill you.”

“Dude, what’s wrong with saying fuck? You’re literally twenty,” Donghyuck replies, moving further so his entire body crushes yours, and you have to pretend that his warmth doesn’t make you feel some type of way, hence you push him as hard as you can until he falls onto the carpeted floor of your room.

He falls with a thump. “Screw you,” he mumbles, mouth forming a pout that you’d gladly smack out of his face—except you’d do it with your very own lips. “It’s almost one in the afternoon. Why are you napping?”

“Good question, Donghyuck,” you start, sitting up and rubbing your eyes while looking for the pair of specs that Donghyuck is already shoving towards your direction; you gladly take it. “Unlike you, I had to work in the café until one in the morning. I hate being rostered in the closing shift, but it pays damn well. Plus, I forgot to do my laundry so I had to throw my clothes in before I slept.

“Overworking again, I see,” he muses, sighing as he scoots to sit cross-legged across you on the bed too tiny for two people.

“The last week of the semester always sucks balls,” you answer, tilting your head in attempts to stretch your stiffened neck and get some kind of relief. “Why are you here anyway? Shouldn’t you be out there doing something stupid with Na Jaemin?”

“There’s a music festival on Friday,” he starts right away. “Jaemin’s wondering if I’d be interested to go, says he could get us some free passes from the guy he’s hooking up with. Apparently, the guy is DJ-ing.”

You blink. “Which one? Lee Jeno? Or Yoon Sanha?” you ask, genuinely curious because Jaemin is Jaemin and he could never be caught exclusively hooking up with one person.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Does it matter? Is it a yes or a no? That’s the question.”

He begins to fiddle with his fingers, playing with the rings on his long, delicate digits, and you recognize it almost instantly. Donghyuck is nervous. You might have an idea why.

“Is this you finally asking me out, Lee Donghyuck?” you half-joke, scratching your head. Donghyuck looks anywhere but your face. A glimpse of his eyes is all you need, because if the eyes are the windows to one’s soul, then Donghyuck’s are wide open, with no curtains and bare from all layers—at least that’s how they are to you. His eyes are wavering, and though he’s mastered the ability to keep his face tough as steel, those orbs could only do so little when it comes to hiding from you.

So, you smile, reaching out and leaning closer, kneeling until you’re face to face with him. “Only kidding, Hyuck,” you say finally, taking it easy because this conversation is not for one who’s hazy from sleep and one who can’t even look at the other in the eyes. “Of course, I’ll come with you. Who else can you bring anyway?”

Donghyuck looks up, rolling his eyes; he’s back. “You’re not really irreplaceable,” he replies smugly. “Don’t think too highly of yourself.”

You poke your tongue out and reach over your night stand to check your phone; at the same time, Donghyuck starts biting his fingernails. You don’t think twice—like blinking, a habit, natural—and reach out to pull his hand away, mumbling about how he should start working on getting rid of this bad habit of his. Donghyuck’s hand is warmer compared to yours, and he lets out a whine, complaining about your freezing hands, but squeezes you hand back anyway.

You are content with this. You hope Donghyuck is, too.

The lingering touches. The stolen kisses. The piercing glances.

While they all seem fleeting and simple, they mean the most to you. You begin to think if Donghyuck feels the same as he pulls you closer until you’re both back lying on his bed, your cheek resting on top of Donghyuck’s warm, cloth-covered chest. You wonder if he means it, when he says you’re not irreplaceable and that maybe you’re a little too comfortable, a little too satisfied with whatever it is that you have.

On a drunken night, Donghyuck may have asked you once. You remember it and think about it so much that sometimes it felt like a dream.

“How long, Y/N,” he had asked, his voice an octave deeper than usual, gaze a shade darker. “How long until you let yourself just lose it? For once, just—just please, let your feelings consume you.”

You didn’t want to—not then, not now—because it’s going to hurt.

It’s going to hurt because it’s Donghyuck.

It’s Donghyuck who feels like home, whose hands are warm enough for your cold ones, your own little sun. Losing him is the extinction of your solar system.

“Y/N,” he had whined when you didn’t reply, shaking you, pleading. “When are you going to want for more? I want you to ask me for more.”

But Donghyuck had passed out before you had the chance to think of an answer—time frame—and you wonder what your answer would have been if Donghyuck stayed awake for a couple more minutes.

“I guess napping at this time of the day doesn’t sound too bad,” Donghyuck murmurs against your hair, kissing it before relaxing. “Set an alarm for me. 3 pm.”

You hope Donghyuck asks you again, not this time, but you hope the question lingers in his mind a little longer.

He falls asleep to the sound of your breathing.

When the person sitting next to you finally wakes up, you could only sigh in relief.

The aircraft has landed a few minutes ago, and your flight seatmate slept so soundly that it took you a couple of minutes to shake her awake.

The 12-hour flight is a pain in the ass, and you wish you mean that figuratively. Waiting was something that you were once good at, and Renjun often told you he wished he had half the patience you had. If you think about it now and reflect whether you’re as patient and as willing to wait as before, you’d changed vastly. Ridiculous, how one could change so much in a lifetime.

Huang Renjun is standing behind a barricade when you finally reach the arrival area after going through immigration. He’s holding a piece of paper that says WELCOME HOME, Y/N! Renjun doesn’t give you the time to cross the boundary because he attacks you in bone-crushing hug the second he’s allowed to. You almost topple over him, your glasses at risk of either falling out of your face and into the cold, hard ground, or being crushed between your nose and Renjun’s shoulder.

Renjun chants your nickname over and over again, swaying both your bodies left and right as though you weighed nothing. “I’m literally about to combust. My chest has been pounding since I arrived here. You have no idea how much I missed you, and you were taking forever to go through immigration.”

“Oh, Huang Renjun,” you sigh, inhaling his scent and returning the hug. “Some things never change. You’re still the sweetest when you miss people. Absence really makes the heart grow fond.”

Renjun pulls away to get a good look on you. “Y/N, you’re all grown up. I can’t believe you resisted not seeing me in person for four years.”

“You’re just as grown up as I am,” you reply. “We Facetime each other every other day. What are you talking about?”

“It’s never the same,” he mumbles and helps you with your luggage despite it only being one small luggage, a small duffel bag, and your small backpack. He starts nagging as soon as he notices how small your baggage is.

“You were away for literally four years and you think packing three old shirts and a pair of jeans will be enough to get you through your entire trip here?” Renjun gasps. “You’re stupid if you think Chenle and Jisung are allowing you to leave after what we’re all here for. They have an entire month planned out the second you agreed to come home.”

“I didn’t bring only three shirts, for your information. And I did bring a few pairs of trousers and a coat, plus my dress for the wedding,” you defend. “And I can’t extend my trip here. I thought we’ve all got that one settled.”

Renjun laughs, as if what you said is some kind of joke, as he leads you towards the exit of the airport. “You know we would 100%, without hesitation, burn your passport if it means we could make you stay longer, don’t you? I hope you don’t underestimate us like that.”

You chuckle at his empty threat, your chest swelling at the thought of your long-time friends being thrilled of your arrival in Seoul. You wonder how much has changed in the last four years, and you reckon nothing much has when it comes to your friends. You’d left when most of you were twenty-three, and the only person you’d ever seen in person since then was Chenle, who at that time, had business in London so he stayed where you lived instead of a luxurious hotel he could afford.

“We’re heading to Chenle’s place,” Renjun announces as soon as you sit comfortably in the passenger seat of his car. “But he’s still in his studio recording something, so he won’t be around until maybe five.”

“Why are we going to Chenle’s place if he’s not there yet?” you ask. “He didn’t tell me he had work.”

“We’ve all worked around our schedules to meet you today,” Renjun explains as he turns the ignition on and starts backing up. “And everyone knows his home’s passcode. Remember back in college when his stupid fancy condo eventually became everyone’s? That’s still how it is now. Only this time, he owns a penthouse in Gangnam’s most expensive building. What a spoiled brat.”

“He earned it,” you comment.

Renjun hums. An old track from the local radio station plays just as the vehicle exits the airport’s parking area. You hadn’t heard this song in years, but your mouth sings the lyrics as though it’s only been yesterday.

Renjun is amused. “Some things never really change.”

Donghyuck suddenly changes his hair color on Sophomore year in college. You, on the other hand, are about to have an aneurysm.

Na Jaemin makes fun of you, laughs as if your reaction is the most hilarious thing he’s ever seen his entire life. He deems it as the best day of his life.

“Jaemin, am I a fucking joke to you?” you ask. Jaemin doesn’t even bother to answer. “You think this is funny?”

You almost choke on nothing when Donghyuck decides to walk towards the table you’re sharing with Jaemin inside the university’s very own cafeteria. He’s holding a tray of food for lunch. The man himself has a shy smile on his face, evidently aware of the attention that the people around are giving him because of his newly-dyed pink hair, and you can’t really blame anyone if they stared a little longer.

Because Donghyuck is already beautiful, with his shining eyes and glowing skin and a smile that could make the earth stop orbiting around the sun.

But this Donghyuck, Pink Sun as Jaemin had started calling him, he’s something else. You might pass out if you look at him a little longer.

“I told you pink looks amazing on you!” Jaemin exclaims as soon as Donghyuck is close enough.

Donghyuck instantly blushes, but covers it up with a smug smirk across his mouth.

“Careful,” Donghyuck warns. “I don’t want you getting hurt if I reject you.”

Jaemin gasps, “You would never!”

Donghyuck playfully sticks out his tongue on Jaemin and finally, finally, turns towards you. Your breath is caught in a hitch. Donghyuck tilts his head slightly and you’re about to punch himself in the face. 

“What do you think?” the man asks, smiling cheekily. “Do you think I look better blond or pink-haired?”

You swallow. It takes you great power not to pull Donghyuck and kiss him squarely on the mouth.

Blond Donghyuck was a menace in the society. Pink Sun is giving you a heart attack.

But you’re not about to make things too obvious, so you shrug and mutter a small “either is fine.” Jaemin kicks you under the table. Donghyuck sighs, taking out his phone to open its front camera, probably to check himself out as he brushes his fingertips in his hair. 

“You’re cheap, Y/N,” he says, putting his phone down. “I basically burn my scalp to get this hair color and pull it off better than Lee Taeyong ever will, and all I get from you is, ‘either is fine.’”

Jaemin laughs hysterically, taking his phone out as Donghyuck takes the empty seat beside you—like always, because seats beside you are always reserved for him. Donghyuck carefully places the tray of food he got, immediately, your eyes catch the extra drink he has and your heart somersaults because you know it’s for you.

And this is supposed to be normal. Your friends tell you it’s a routine—every day—and you and him do things for each other like second nature. So, why does it make your heart race like this?

Your phone chimes as Donghyuck starts eating.

“We really need to work on your communication skills,” the text message from Jaemin says.

Your comprehension in Korean went from bad to worse, if it’s even possible.

Renjun is currently roasting you for it, while Jisung and Kim Minjeong are arguing about what to eat. You tell them how small the Asian community in London is as compared to other countries. Jaemin announces that Mark Lee just boarded his flight from Vancouver, too, and you cheer, excited to see him as well after all these years. Yoo Jimin calls out Jisung and Minjeong’s bullshit and says she’d already ordered from the nearest restaurant.

How you all end up in Chenle’s penthouse before the owner himself is aware, you have no idea. All you know is that things have not really changed that much.

You feel a little disoriented, your mind still a little hazy from the 12-hour trip, and you hate that the jetlag is hitting you as early as now. You feel like you could fall asleep anytime soon.

Then you hear familiar voices faintly coming from the door, then the door itself being unlocked. You observe from the digital clock above Chenle’s fancy television that it’s only nearly two in the afternoon, so it’s not Chenle who’s coming in.

Donghyuck appears from the door before you realize it, and he takes your breath away before you could even look him in the eyes.

“Sorry, we’re late,” the dark-haired man says, his voice making you feel suffocated, stepping out of his boots because God forbid anyone who steps inside Zhong Chenle’s penthouse wearing the outdoor shoes.

Lee Jeno enters behind him, his eye smile ready to meet you, while Jaemin says they arrived just in time for lunch. All is a blur and everything sounds like white noise, because Donghyuck looks at you in the eyes with the softest gaze, the smallest smile, and suddenly it doesn’t feel so cold in Seoul.

Jeno walks past him and finds his space beside Jaemin. You hear Renjun and Jisung start arguing about another thing. All while Donghyuck stays still from where he stands, about ten feet away from your space, eyes still on you.

When they’re done dancing, Donghyuck walks with her, holding her hand and keeping her close.

He passes by, doesn’t even take a glance to your direction.

Donghyuck looks at you in amusement.

“It was terrible,” you grunt. “The worst day of my life.”

He giggles and pulls you in his arms, kissing the top of your head while you stand in the middle of the room. You’re still dressed in your warm clothes as you’d just arrived from the airport. You sigh in relief because you’ve been waiting for this all weekend.

“Don’t be too dramatic,” he mumbles. “Your cousin’s going to be ballistic if he learns that you called his wedding the worst day of your life.”

“You should’ve gone there with me,” you muse. “They were introducing me to so many people, and my uncle knows I’m shit at socializing, therefore forcing me to hang out with people I barely know is like stabbing me in the eye and asking me how many fingers you’re holding up.”

Donghyuck chuckles. “What could I have done if I were there?”

You smile, burying your face in his warm chest. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Then why’d you need me there?” Donghyuck asks again. You know he’s teasing you now, poking until he gets the answer he wants to hear. And you’re not about to deny Donghyuck of that. Besides, nothing is more satisfying than knowing you could make Donghyuck feel flustered despite of his strong, wild persona. So, you reach up and kiss him on the chin and hug him closer.

“Because nothing is as bad as it seems when you’re around, my love.”

Donghyuck begins to pull away, making you hold onto him tighter, as if your hands would grow cold without touching him. Donghyuck only laughs, allowing you to hug him longer, and you wonder if you could stretch this night out for as long as he can. 

The moment passes by quickly.

“Donghyuck, will you at least listen to me?”

“I’m done, Y/N.”

Renjun announces he’s done cleaning up.

Jaemin doesn’t waste a single second, getting up from his space on the other couch and announces it’s time they really catch up with everyone. It turns out that Jimin herself just got back from Germany yesterday as well, while Minjeong took a week off from work, and all had waited for you to come home before gathering in Chenle’s place.

“Mark’s a piece of shit, just like you,” Jeno comments when asked why the older didn’t take the earliest flight. Apparently, like yourself, Mark couldn’t get a couple of weeks off from work, hence he’d decided to travel a few days before the wedding, which is essentially why you all had a reason to gather once again after all these years.

“Why are you all harassing me and Mark for not being able to take a longer leave from work?” you whine, throwing a cushion towards where Jeno is seated, right beside Jimin. “It’s not like we can help it!”

Minjeong snorts, “You could’ve said you have COVID or something.”

You snicker. “Only you could think of that, Minjeong-ah.”

Jeno talks about his recent flight to Yonagunijima in Okinawa for a business trip. Renjun tells him he’s never gone that far in Japan, his farthest trip being in Osaka; Jeno says he can take him there anytime he gets some free time from work. Jaemin hypes up Jisung’s newly built dance studio and the contract he’d just signed with the biggest entertainment company in Asia, to which Jisung only downplays and says it’s not that big of deal.

You and Donghyuck stay quiet while everyone else talks over one another. He sits at the other end of the same couch you’re sitting on while Jisung occupies the space between you and him. Renjun probably feels the tension, so he cuts it.

“Donghyuck, what have you been up to?” Renjun asks, reaching over for a piece of chocolate you’d stolen from Chenle’s fridge.

Donghyuck shrugs. “Renjun-ah, don’t act like we don’t see each other every weekend.”

Renjun scoffs. “We’re here to catch up. Do you want me to tell them what you’ve been up to myself?”

Donghyuck throws a cushion and misses. “Nothing’s new about me, guys. Nothing that’s interesting enough.” Then, he leans forward and turns to you. “Maybe Y/N has anything to say. I mean, she’s the one who’s been away the longest.”

It takes you aback, the interaction unexpected, and gets you stuttering. “I’m—There’s really nothing, I mean.”

Donghyuck laughs lightly. “Loosen up. You look like you’d rather be elsewhere but here.”

“It’s not like that,” you defend. “It’s just—jetlag.”

“Of course,” Donghyuck nods. “How long was the flight?”

“Twelve hours,” you answer. Renjun does his best, distracting everyone else with a new conversation so you and Donghyuck, you assume, would feel more comfortable rather than have everyone listen to you talking with the person you used to know the best. Jisung tries to subtly leave, pretending like he needs to go to the restroom, and you know it’s a tactic because you also know Jisung like the back of your hand.

Donghyuck immediately moves closer, taking the space Jisung used to sit on, the distance pulling the air out of your lungs.

“And my flight was delayed for a couple of hours because of a storm,” you continue, clearing your voice. “So, fourteen hours in total, plus one hour from Incheon to Gangnam.”

Donghyuck nods. “Well, you fly frequently.”

You nod back. “Not that frequently anymore. Since the pandemic, I’ve been working from home a lot; there was no need to travel after all. Or move to a different country. It turns out we can do everything virtually.”

Donghyuck chuckles, almost sarcastically. “What a shame that the entire world realized suddenly that everything could work virtually.”

You smile, sadly almost. “Yeah. What a shame.”

“I didn’t get the whole thing,” Jisung sighs. “What a shame. The last parts were the best.”

“You know Chenle’s going to kill you if he finds out you took a video, right?”

Jisung nods proudly. “That was the point.”

“Lia, wait,” Donghyuck’s voice echoes—not loud enough to catch anyone else’s attention, but definitely enough for you. You watch him follow Lia out.

You decide you’ve had enough. The wedding’s done now, anyway. There’s nothing left for you here.

Jisung looks at you. “Y/N.”

“Just need some space, Jisung,” you say. “I’m okay.”

“You’re lying,” You gasp, almost dropping your iPad upon Donghyuck’s revelation. “Holy shit, Donghyuck, that’s huge!”

“Never thought I’d hear that in another context but thanks, my love,” Donghyuck replies, a proud smile etched on his mouth. He reaches over and shows you a piece of paper, the confirmation of his participation in a convention in Shanghai a couple of weeks from now. 

“Wait until Jaemin hears this,” You ramble, already on his phone to text said friend about the good news. “He’s going to throw a party for you.”

“You guys are too proud of me,” Donghyuck whines. “What if I end up being such a flop outside my comfort zone? There are going to be so many amazing artists out there. I heard some vocal majors from Konkuk are attending the conference with me, and I am already terrified of them. I can't imagine myself once I'm surrounded by even more talented and more intimidating singers."

You put down your tablet on your desk, sighing as you step closer towards Donghyuck. You’re in the apartment you share with Jimin, and Donghyuck called in earlier to tell you he’s got some great news. Neither of you really have much time to meet these days, with your internship at Seoul's biggest web developer company and the drastic changes in Donghyuck's schedule, it's a little too difficult to hang out in the safety of your apartment.

Donghyuck is evidently taken aback when you suddenly wrap an arm around his neck, tumbling when you pull him closer and kisses the air out of his lungs. You regret closing your eyes when your lips touch, thinking about the way Donghyuck looks like whenever you kiss him like this. Like Donghyuck's all you’ve ever needed. Like all the years of pining and hurting are expressed in a single kiss. Like it's everything you’ve always wanted and more.  

It's not the first time you kiss—you’ve lost count you made out in the back of Jeno’s car two months ago while all your friends are drunk and out of their minds—but it always feels like it is.

Donghyuck's lips are soft, soft, soft, and you can never get enough of the kissing him. The first, featherlight, a little hesitant touch of your lips would be your second favorite part (the favorite is when Donghyuck's licking your mouth and nibbles on your lower lip), and his hands, his delicate hands would always be in your hair, pulling and pressing and touching.

It's perfect. Donghyuck pulls you down with him on your very own bed, letting you sit on his lap.                   

He's kissing you everywhere, your lips, your cheeks, your nose, your neck, your jaw, but he stops when you begin to unbutton his shirt. You look down on him, confused and eager and dazed, and usually, Donghyuck would give in without a single fight, but this time he stops you. 

"What are we doing, Y/N?" Donghyuck lets out, like he's been holding this breath forever and now he's finally exhaling it.

"We're," you start, confused why he’s asking all of a sudden, but you don’t really have an answer to that. "We're—”

"Messing around. Having fun while we can," Donghyuck finishes, quoting your own words the first time you hooked up. "I know. But that was before, right? What about now? What are we doing now?"

Your hands drop on Donghyuck's side. Donghyuck quickly takes both of them in his, giving you a comforting squeeze, as if he's encouraging you to say something. To be brave. To let go. 

"We can't go on like this if you don't answer me, Y/N," Donghyuck says softly. "I know what I want, and you know that it's you. Just you. From the beginning. As long as I live. And you are making me happy right now. But I need to know if this is what you want, too."

"Love, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want you," you explain, eyes wavering.

"Y/N, listen to me," Donghyuck urges, letting go of one of your hands to hold your face so you could look into each other's eyes. "Tell me now. Tell me now, honestly, if this is something you would want in the long run."

"Donghyuck," You sigh, like you’re begging for Donghyuck to stop asking. But Donghyuck doesn't let his guard down. He keeps his hands on you, waiting.

You want nobody else but Donghyuck, too. From the beginning. For as long as you live. And Donghyuck is making you happy, and you know well that Donghyuck will make you happy in the long run. The last two months of whatever game you’re playing had been fun. There was no agreement on being exclusive, no rules of some sort, and it all fell into place like you and him are supposed to end up like this. You hadn’t put a label on it, but you and Donghyuck are best friends for many years now. You went through growing pains together, survived each one of the flights you frequently took around the world, went to the same college together, and you don’t really see the point of rushing for a label now.

Because you have other things in mind other than what you feel right now. You have codes to master and board directors to impress. Donghyuck has auditions to pass and flights to catch as well, and now, an opportunity in Shanghai. Not to mention you’re both cramming to have the best credentials to get you the best job after graduation. Now is not really the best time.

So, just like many happenstances in your life, you come up with a stupid, stupid answer.

"I—I don't know, Donghyuck," you say nervously. "I mean, you're clearly making me happy. And I don't plan on seeing anyone else, but I haven't really gotten around to think about it."

Donghyuck takes his touch away all of a sudden. You reach out to hold his hands in place back to your face, but he lets go.

"Think about it?" Donghyuck asks, voice shaking. "What is there to think about? It's a simple question, Y/N. Do you want me for a long time or am I just some good fuck for you?"

"Donghyuck, why are you saying that?" you retort, angry now. "I just said you make me happy. And I'm not playing with you. I just—it's—with all the things going on in my life and yours, a relationship is not something I can maintain right now."

"Maintain?" Donghyuck chuckles, pulling his hands away, gently pushing you off his lap and standing away from your bed to put some space between you and him. "Y/N, we've been best friends since we were in high school. Literally nothing has changed for us except we kiss and fuck now. What is there to think about? I really do not understand."

You sigh. The sound of it makes Donghyuck pull away further until he’s picking up his backpack. 

"Donghyuck, wait," You say, but Donghyuck is already out of his room, barefoot, his shoes in his hands.

Barefoot, his shoes in one hand, two bottles of beer on the other, Donghyuck finds you by the pool outside the wedding reception. He sits beside you and mimics the way you rolled the bottom of your dress up to your thighs so it doesn’t get wet and does the same with his expensive trousers.

“What are you doing out here?” you muse, eyes staring blankly at the way your feet look blurred out underwater. “Shouldn’t you be inside getting drunk and having the time of your life?”

Donghyuck chuckles, his cheeks painted like cherries, mouth glazed like strawberries, and hands you the cold bottle of beer. “I’m already drunk. Do you think I’d have the courage to come find you here if I was sober?”

You nod, taking the bottle from his hand. “Good point. Fun party?”

“Jaemin and Jeno never fail to organize the best party,” he stammers. “They used to invite everyone in their shared apartment to play the American games they learned from Johnny-hyung. I can’t believe they’re married now.”

Jaemin and Jeno, the very reason why all of you gathered after all these years, have always been destined for each other, and you know this because you’d seen them start off as nothing and watched them turn to everything. Their wedding had been the sole reason why you’d returned to Seoul.

“I always knew they’d end up together,” you mutter, drinking from the cold bottle. “I used to manifest it. I said it all the time I saw them together.”

Donghyuck giggles. “You used to believe in the law of attraction so much. You manifested everything that’s happened in your life.”

“I did, didn’t I?” you reply, tasting the bitterness coming from the drink, a reminder why you prefer any other drink aside from beer.

It’s quite for a minute until Donghyuck talks.

“Why didn’t you manifest us?” he says suddenly, words a little grumbled. He’s probably had too much to drink already. You hold onto him naturally as his head starts swaying until his head is leaning against your shoulder, close enough to hear each other breathing. “Y/N, why did you never say we’d end up together like this, too? You were so damn good with this law of attraction bullshit. You could’ve manifested our wedding, too.”

Donghyuck is drunk, and drunk Donghyuck is always vulnerable. His tone of voice is enough for you to decide to cut this trip shorter than it already is. A week, you had promised Jeno and Jaemin, you’d leave two days after the wedding. But at this moment, when you’re frozen in place, Donghyuck’s warmth touching your coldness, you begin to ponder if it had been a good idea to come back in Seoul at all.

You love Jeno and Jaemin and would do anything for them in a heartbeat. Therefore, when the couple announced their engagement two months ago, it had been a quick, solid yes, of course, I’ll be there because you wouldn’t miss their wedding for the world, even if it had been exactly four years and two months since the last time you’d breathed the air of Seoul and that you’d rather die than be in a 12-hour flight, you swore you’d be with your friends during such a huge chapter of their lives.

Your schedules were immediately reconstructed, a ticket to Seoul safely tucked in the files in your desk’s drawer, and all your friends from London were already asking you to bring something back from Seoul when your trip is over. It was all set, with the promise of checking in with your teammates from work during your one-week leave, and it was the easiest itinerary you’d ever made. What you failed to prepare, truly, is yourself.

Somehow, you knew this would happen. You knew coming back would mean seeing Donghyuck. And seeing Donghyuck means opening wounds you’re not certain have healed and resuming conversations you’d never wanted to go back to. And this means, at any given time Donghyuck is within your space, you’d be a goner.

Because four years, it turns out, isn’t enough to get over him.

Quite funny, if you think about it now, how after all these years, you’re still orbiting around him.

You clear your throat, no words coming out, and Donghyuck starts to fall asleep against your shoulder.

Your right shoulder feels sore after falling asleep on your side on Chenle’s couch the morning after Jaemin and Jeno’s bachelor party. It was crazy, to say the least, and you’d decided to drink your guts to in hopes of not remembering anything in the morning. It sucks because you’re stupidly hungover and you remember everything.

The group was divided into two. You, Renjun, Donghyuck, and Minjeong were in charge of Jaemin in the other side of the city, courtesy of Jung Jaehyun for sponsoring and personally planning the grand party for his favorite dongsaeng. Meanwhile, Jisung, Chenle, Mark, and Jimin had planned Jeno’s very own party, along with Lee Taeyong who funded the event.

If you’re being completely honest, you’d think that after college, your friends would lose their sparks in setting up amazing parties, but last night proved you wrong.

The alcohol was disgusting, but you like that it made Renjun do things he wouldn’t do sober. Jaemin refused to get shit-faced drunk because his wedding is in two days, his hangovers usually last an entire day—he doesn’t want to show up at his own wedding looking like a zombie. Minjeong, well, she’s Minjeong, so she was just all over the place, nagging and getting drunk. She’s also a snob who thinks so highly of herself despite being the youngest in the group and liked to look down on her older friends all while attempting to stand upright after downing five shots of tequila.

Donghyuck, however, decided to bring his new girlfriend. Her name is Lia. And the only goal last night was to stay as far away as possible.

You knew that the relationship was new because Jisung filled you in before you had all parted ways for the parties, said that Donghyuck started dating her two months ago right around the time Jaemin and Jeno got engaged, Jimin being their bridge because Lia and Jimin have been friends since last year. Apparently, Lia’s been interested with him for years now; she just never had the chance because like you, Donghyuck also disappeared in and out from Seoul for a couple of years until he’d decided to stay here for good two years ago.

You can’t remember how many shots you had and how many cocktails were handed to you last night, but you wish you had more because it was evidently not enough to erase the scenarios from last night. It wasn’t enough to blur out the memories of Donghyuck holding her, kissing her, dancing with her, and just all out being a lovey-dovey boyfriend.

It’s a relief that you got home safely. There was no designated driver because the plan was to really get drunk, so Jaehyun had one of his employees drive everyone to Chenle’s penthouse because it’s the closest. You hope the others returned to Jeno’s place safely, too.

You stay still from where you’re lying down, eyes up on the ceiling, wondering what time it is. There was no plan for today aside from wedding rehearsal at six in the evening to make sure everything’s all set for tomorrow, so you reckon you have the entire day to get rid of your hangover.

You roll over to your side, facing the television, and the clock tells you it’s eleven in the morning. Renjun is snoring away from the other couch, and you remember letting Minjeong sleep on your bed for the night. You’re staring at Renjun’s sleeping form when someone on the carpeted floor suddenly rolls over, allowing you to see their face.

Donghyuck’s sleeping on the floor beside the couch, body parallel to yours so you can see his peaceful sleeping face, mouth slightly agape. He’s now sleeping on his back, head supported by one of the cushions, body covered with his jacket from last night. You remember parting ways with him with him last night. He’d taken a taxi with Lia back to her place while the rest of you went home in Jaehyun’s SUV. You don’t remember him coming back here.

You stare at him for as long as you can, because in the last three days in Seoul, you’d never really gotten the chance to get a good look on him. You and him don’t follow each other from any social media, so the last four years had truly been radio silence from both sides. Donghyuck, at 27, doesn’t look like he’s aged that much, albeit his round cheeks being gone, replaced by prominent cheekbones. It looks like he never bothered to get rid of the constellations forming on his face and neck, too, because they’re still here, just like many things that haven’t changed. Donghyuck used to love dyeing his hair crazy colors, now his hair is just colored naturally. His lips, wonder if they still taste the same.

“He’s going to melt,” Renjun says suddenly, you plop your head back to the couch, guilty for staring too long. Renjun sits up, stretching and laughing at your misery. “And you’re going to have a heart attack if you keep sneaking glances and getting caught. How many times has Jisung caught you in the last 72 hours?”

“Shut up,” you mumble, getting up and stretching as well. “What do you want to eat for breakfast?”

You carefully get off from the couch, making sure you don’t topple on Donghyuck’s sleeping body, draping the blanket over his body, walking towards Chenle’s fancy kitchen. Renjun helps you, rummaging through the fridge, and comes up with a breakfast menu with whatever you had in the kitchen.

Donghyuck wakes up before you and Renjun could finish cooking everything. He’s quiet when he approaches you in the kitchen, softly asking if you could make coffee for him. You don’t say no, of course.

“This is the most disgusting cup of coffee, I’ve had my entire life,” Donghyuck complains, leaning over the counter where you’re working on the opposite side of. “Stop jeopardizing the café’s reputation. You’re not some scientist so stop mixing concoctions from hell just to brag that you’re a part-time barista and a full-time college student. You make me sick. Literally.”

You ignore all of it, of course, eyebrows furrowed as you take another sip of the quote and quote disgusting coffee, trying to figure out what went wrong this time.

“I think it needs a bit more vanilla,” you think out loud.

“I will not join you in this stupid crusade of making your own “Barista’s Special” recipe,” he continues. “And I will tell your manager you’re wasting coffee!”

“Aha!” you exclaim when you think you got it right. “Maybe I need to level the grounds better and add another pump of vanilla. Let me try that. It should taste better.”

Donghyuck chuckles as you move around and attempt to make another cup. “You’ve been saying it should taste better since last week.”

He keeps complaining, but takes the new cup of coffee as soon as you’re done.

Donghyuck drinks.

You wait.

It still tastes disgusting.

“It’s sweet,” Donghyuck comments when he drinks it. You tilt your head. Renjun is finishing up on the scrambled eggs. You hear Minjeong come out of your room.

“Is that a bad thing?” you ask, hopeful.

Donghyuck shakes his head, chuckling. “Better than the ones you made when we were in university.”

“Hey!” you laugh. “I was awarded employee of the month once!”

“That doesn’t erase the fact that you forced me to drink your disgusting concoctions for three weeks straight,” he states, making you laugh even more. “I guess, all these years you’d learned what you were missing.”

“I’ll miss you,” you mumble against Donghyuck’s chest. “The internship will just be for a few months. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Donghyuck kisses the top of your head. “When you come back,” he mutters. “When you come back, I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend.”

You freeze.

“And you’ll say yes. And we’ll graduate together and make a life for both of us.”

You pull away a little so that you’re looking at him face to face. Donghyuck has tears threatening to fall from his eyes. You wipe it off with the sleeves of his jacket you’re wearing.

“I’ll say yes,” you promise. “And we’ll graduate together and make a life for both of us.”

A woman’s voice announces your flight number once again and says the gates are closing in five minutes. Donghyuck kisses you in the mouth—a promise—and tells you he loves you.

“Oh, Donghyuck,” you say. “I love you, too.”

“Come back home to me, yeah?”

“I will.”

Yours and Donghyuck’s favorite restaurant was located two blocks away from his parents’ home. It closed a few years ago when its owner passed away and his children were too heartbroken to keep the business running. It was a staple from your entire high school life, and if you could say it, it defined your standards when it comes to food.

You’d just gotten a call from home that your childhood pet had to be put down because of old age and many diseases, and you called in sick for work—thank God, Johnny was willing to cover for you otherwise the manager would’ve rejected your request to stay at home for the day—and you’re truly not in the mood for anything at all.

You haven’t been home for quite sometime now, the last time being the holidays and you normally just spend a couple of days before heading back to the campus, so everything really sucks. You didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.

Donghyuck hears this from Jimin, of course, because your roommate called him as soon as she heard you crying from your room. He literally carries you out of your room, says grieving is better when there’s food.

As soon as you see the person standing behind the counter, you recognize the place right away. Although located in a different street now, nearby where you are, the place looks exactly the same from when it did years ago.

“Y/N! Donghyuckie!” the lady behind the counter greets.

“Oh my,” you squeal. “Auntie, I didn’t know you’re back in business! How long has it been?”

The new owner, the late owner’s eldest daughter, smiles at you and tells you they re-opened sometime this year. She tells you to find a seat and confirms she knew your order by heart.

Donghyuck sits across you. “You like it?”

“Why did you not take me here sooner?”

He smiles. “Supposedly on your birthday a couple of weeks from now. But with what happened today, I guess this is the best time.”

“You’re the best.”

It’s Jisung and Chenle who find you and Donghyuck by the pool area hours later. Donghyuck had completely fallen asleep on your shoulder. The younger ones help you and practically carry Donghyuck towards the car.

Jaemin and Jeno have left the venue so they could prepare for their flight the next day. You hadn’t paid much attention to the time when Donghyuck drunkenly approached you. Jisung tells you it’s already two in the morning.

Chenle tells you Donghyuck had broken up with Lia—the reason, he’s uncertain—which is why she stormed off from the reception and Donghyuck decided to drink his ass off while you were wandering around the place. You shrug, acknowledging the news like it doesn’t make your heart race, like it doesn’t give you some sort of hope you didn’t know you had stored, and tell them they should take him home.

Jisung says Donghyuck lives on the other side of the city, so it’s best you all head back to Chenle’s.

Jisung and Chenle share the latter’s bed, and you’re not going to let Donghyuck sleep on the couch after he had complained about his back hurting when he’d fallen asleep on the floor the other day, so it’s only right that you let Jisung and Chenle carry him to your bed.

When you wake up on the couch the next day, Donghyuck’s shoes are no longer by the doorsteps.

His footsteps are loud.

“Donghyuck, this isn’t going to work if you don’t fucking give me a chance to explain!” You scream a few feet behind Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck is running away, and you’re beginning to think that convincing him to go to the gym might not have been the greatest decision because Donghyuck is literally sprinting, like he’s being chased by something so terrifying.

You almost stop. Donghyuck, who always called him home, never ran away from you all these years. Not, it looks like he’d rather be anywhere but where you. Nothing feels worse than that. 

You’d just gotten back from your internship in the US, one more term and you’re graduating. The internship was easily the best thing that’s happened to you this year. They were already thinking of offering you a contract as soon as you graduate. They let you go back home, of course, to complete your degree, and said they’d be willing to keep training you in the states and have you relocate to Europe once you graduate because they’ll be expanding their business out there.

It's also the night of Donghyuck's first showcase, the first show he's headlining along with musicians and artists from different universities. You had promised Donghyuck you’d watch and support him, but things doesn't always go on your favor, because as soon as you’d landed, you were needed back to the campus for an interview for the university’s publishing team because they wanted you to talk about your experience alongside the others who went to the states to complete their internship. It was supposed to be an hour session, but you and everyone in the panel liked the questions they were asking, and somehow you felt like this was a sign that the company in the US could lead to better, brighter things for you.

Hence, you were late. Halfway through the show. Donghyuck got mad, but promised he understood. He asked for some space, at least for the rest of the night. But you wanted to apologize properly, to take him out for dinner even if it's already past midnight, and insisted that you should talk about it. Donghyuck refused, you kept insisting, until the former said something about you being a shitty girlfriend.

It’s a shitty excuse, but you were absolutely fucking tired. You’re still jetlagged from the 16-hour difference, and the entire session with your fellow interns took two hours of your day.

What you had left for the day was so little, and you chose to spend it with Donghyuck, but he decided to be an ass about it.

"I never said anything about being your girlfriend," was your dumb reply, which is why you’re now running after him from the building of Chenle’s condominium.

You pull Donghyuck with force as soon as you catch up with him, and you’re faced with your worst fear.

Donghyuck is crying. He’s never cried before, not because of you. A deep painful breath comes out of your mouth, and it hurts when you breathe, like inhaling a cloud of smoke or being hit by a ball in the back. Donghyuck keeps crying, doesn’t even hide it. He sobs and heaves and he doesn’t wipe his tears.

"Donghyuck, can you just—”

“I’m tired,” Donghyuck sobs. “Y/N, I’m so tired. I sound pathetic and I’m not sure if I’m exhausted from the performance or I’m just done with you.”

“I’m sorry,” is all what you could come up with. 

“This,” Donghyuck says, gesturing the small space between you. “I don’t think it’s worth all of the pain I am feeling right now, Y/N. You’re my best friend. I—I, fuck, I used to think that maybe someday this will all be worth it, but I am tired of waiting for that day. I am drained and you have consumed all of me. I waited for you, and I keep waiting until you finally just—let go and decide you want to be with me and stop playing this never-ending game of friends with benefits bullshit we started. I’m done. What else do you want from me?”

“I—I… Donghyuck,” you stutter. I want you to give me a chance. I want you to give me more time to figure some things out myself. I want you to wait a little longer.

"I rejected Ryujin a week before you came home,” Donghyuck confesses. "When you were in the states, and you suddenly changed your mind about being my girlfriend and told me I should go out and date other people and that I shouldn’t hold myself back, I was angry. I didn’t understand why you were pushing me away so much when I’m here!”

You stay still, crying.

“I’m here,” he repeats. “I’m here and I love you, and I’ve never asked anything in return. And you tell me you love me, but you do things that—that hurt me. Every time I think we’re finally going somewhere, you—you push back and I’m just—I’m sick of it. And Jaemin said I should just move on if you can’t make up your mind because I don’t know if you haven’t realized it but Y/N, we’ve been at it for years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Jeno and Jaemin set me up with Ryujin,” he continues. “We went to a couple of dates. And then you called me saying you’re coming back home. So, I broke it off before we even got started. I told her it would be unfair if I kept leading her on when I know that I am still ridiculously in love with you. She said it would be alright and that she's giving me all the time and space I need to think about things."

Donghyuck curses and continues, "But I didn't need time and space, Y/N. Because I already knew that all I've ever wanted was you. I didn't need to think. I only needed you."

You don’t know what to say. You’re still holding him by his arm.

“If you're not going to say anything, let me go,” Donghyuck sternly says. You have a feeling it’s not the grip on his arm that Donghyuck is talking about. “Please.”

The single biggest mistake of your life happened on the third street from Chenle’s place, under the broken streetlight, across the ice cream parlor Donghyuck used to work at when he was seventeen. 

You let him go. Donghyuck stops waiting.

The wait from the audience was long enough.

They say your graduation day is going to be one of the happiest moments in your life. It’s not. Not at all.

Not when you’d gotten your diploma on stage and Donghyuck shows you he doesn’t give a fuck by looking everywhere else. Not when it’s picture taking time with your friends and families and he decides to stand on the other side, far, far away from you. Not when his parents ask him to take a picture with you and he shrugs it off and says he’s hungry and that he’s meeting everyone at the restaurant, leaving with his entire family.

Renjun whispers, “Does he even know you’re leaving first thing in the morning?”

You shrug it off, too. “Looks like he has other things to care about.”

Jaemin sighs. “You’re not serious about this, are you? You and Donghyuck better pull your shit together. Both of you already ruined the moment for everyone.”

Renjun eyes him. “It’s not your fault, Y/N. If Donghyuck doesn’t want to listen, then so be it.”

“It’s not Donghyuck’s fault either,” Jaemin defends. “Because he’s been trying to get answers and you wouldn’t give it to him. So, I don’t think it’s his fault that he’s done.”

“We’re not picking sides here, Jaemin,” Jeno says. “Let’s go.”

Jeno and Jaemin sandwiches you in a tight hug.

The next day after the wedding, in the afternoon, the newlyweds are bound to France for their honeymoon. They’re traveling the continent for two weeks (unfortunately, London excluded from their itinerary), and all of you decided to drop them off as if they’re leaving for years. In your case, this may be the last time you’re seeing them for a long time.

“I love you,” Jaemin says as the two very strong and buff men hug you. “I know things have been tough and coming back here took a lot from you, but thank you for making sure you were present during the wedding.”

“I hope this isn’t the last time in another four years that we’d see you in person,” Jeno adds. “We miss you, you know? Please come visit us when you have time.”

“I love you two so much,” you cry, emotional with the way they’re holding you. “Go have fun.”

They bid their goodbyes to everyone else and enter the airport.

“If I don’t get the same treatment when I leave, I’m ghosting everyone,” Mark announces. Jisung laughs. “What? You all acted like they’re going away for two years. They’re coming back in literally and exactly two weeks!”

“Go be unhappy somewhere, hyung,” Donghyuck teases, making everyone laugh as you all walk back to where their cars are parked.

Chenle needs to go back to work, so did Jimin and Jisung, hence they ride all together. Minjeong’s visiting a friend, so she’s riding with Mark and Renjun because they’re all going to the same side of the city. Which means, Donghyuck is driving you back to Chenle’s place.

“Your flight is tomorrow, too, right?” Mark asks. You hum, nodding. “Come visit me in Vancouver sometime soon, too. Or I’ll fly to London.”

“Wow, you have a lot of money to spend on flying around the world multiple times, huh?” you tease.

“Hey, you’re the frequent flyer here,” he comments. “Wonder how many miles you’ve earned and redeemed from all this flying you’ve done in this lifetime.”

You laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mark.”

Renjun and the others bid you goodbye. You’re not really certain why you and Donghyuck silently agreed to watch your friends leave, you and him standing a foot away from each other as they all drive away. For some reason, it feels like the last time.

The first time it happened, you and Donghyuck decide it’s an accident.

You were drunk, and it had been a while for the two of you considering how busy you both have been because of finals coming up. It was convenient, if you say so yourself, to have your best friend right beside you when you were feeling hot and horny. The morning after was settled with a kiss on your forehead—no apologies as discussed, because neither you nor him regretted it anyway, but there’s a promise that nothing changes.

The second time it happened, you and Donghyuck decide it’s not going to be a one-time thing.

“So, to make it clear,” you huff as you quickly get rid of your pants while Donghyuck pulls his shirt off. “This isn’t a one-time thing.”

“I don’t see an issue if it’s not,” he replies, unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants down, pushing you against the wall and kissing you down your neck. “Besides, we’re best friends.”

You lean your head against the wall, thinking if it’s too late to back out, but Donghyuck’s already has his hands all over you—one on your breast and the other on your waist. It’s not really that bad of an idea. Donghyuck is your best friend, and your friendship has withstood time, distance, growing pains, and mostly everything. And perhaps it’s the way you haven’t stopped thinking about your first time together that’s making you feel so, so vulnerable under his touch, but it’s not like anything’s changed since that night. In fact, if you’re being completely honest, it made you feel like you and Donghyuck know each other better now—in ways that other pairs like you don’t.

Hence, whatever thought you had a minute ago, you throw it down the drain and you let Donghyuck (messily, heartedly giggling) carry you by hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist and bring you back to his unmade bed.

Donghyuck knows how to use his tongue, and you’ve kind of always known because all the girls he’s ever slept with talk about him like he’s a god of tongue or something. Donghyuck licks your lips before diving in, as if he’s giving you a taste of what you’re about to have, and he pushes his tongue in, massaging it with yours, and it almost feels like he’s teaching you how to use the muscle in your mouth. You realize how much he likes kissing, because he kisses more than he touches. He kisses you for what felt like hours, and you’re not about to complain about it.

You let him gently drop you on his bed. His warm palms caressing its way from your waist down to the side of your thighs where he knows you like being touched the most (and you’re not certain whether he’d learned this from stories or from the time you and him had sex); Donghyuck keeps his mouth on you as he rubs circles against your hot skin.

The finger he slips between your underwear and right above your clit sends you shivers down your spine. He allows you to catch your breath for a second, moving his mouth from your lips down to your neck, but doesn’t give you enough time to recover because he rubs your clit oh, so gently.

“We’re best friends,” he repeats, murmuring the words against the skin on your neck. “Nothing changes, except now I know where to touch you.”

He does. He touches you everywhere and slips his middle finger in your hole, sighing against your skin when he feels how wet you’ve gotten simply from kissing.

“You’ve always been such a good girl for me,” he whispers, keeping his finger inside, his palm pressed against your clit. “Such a good girl. Wet and ready for me. You really are my best friend.”

“Donghyuck,” you whine. He starts rubbing from inside, moving a single finger in an upward motion, eliciting a moan from you.

“What?” he asks innocently. “You are. You are my best friend. I don’t think everyone can say they let their best friends fuck them when they’re horny. Which makes me the best best friend, too. Because I fuck the brains out of you when you’re horny. Aren’t we the best team the world has ever seen?”

Donghyuck slips another finger in—easily, because nothing can describe how we you are now. He tongues the skin on your collarbone, licking and tasting and smirking all throughout, then he fingers you properly. At this point, your underwear’s stretched from one thigh to the other.

Donghyuck likes to tease you, and you know this because he massages the inside of your hole in a swift upward motion before pulling his fingers out and slowly filling you again. He does this slowly, then fast, then slowly once again. The explicit sound of your wetness makes him chuckle, leaving your collarbones and using his other hand to pull the left cup of your bra down and goes in. He bites and nips and licks and sucks your breast while he fingers you stupid—legs apart, shamelessly wet and fucking ready for him—and you take everything he gives you.

He doesn’t make you cum though, because Donghyuck is Donghyuck. Nobody is more cunning than him.

But he doesn’t make you wait. As soon as he feels you’re about to cum, he slips his fingers out and rids himself off his own underwear, then slipping the last two pieces barely hanging on your body.

He fucks you dumb. Raw. All his glory and skin. You have no other words aside from that.

He doesn’t wait because there’s truly no need to adjust with how wet and ready you fucking are. He’s big, but Donghyuck knows how to fuck well. He knows how to prevent discomfort and he’s done a very good job at proving that to you.

He fucks you missionary, and usually, this isn’t something you’d opt for. You like being fucked hard with no sense of affection and all that bullshit when you’re stressed and in need of some kind of relief. But with Donghyuck, it’s heavenly despite how sinful his hips snap.

He fucks you. Again and again. He makes you cum twice before he pulls out and spills himself on your stomach.

He kisses you, giggles at the way you’re dumbfounded, cleans you up, and lets you sleep on his bed as though nothing has changed.

Because nothing did. Nothing ever will.

“Funny how things have changed so much in the last four years, huh?” Donghyuck asks, eyes on the road.

Donghyuck’s said he’s driving you home. You haven’t been in Seoul in four years, but the route he’s taking is definitely not the way to Chenle’s.

“We’re taking the long way home,” he interjects when he realizes you’re looking at the GPS on his car’s tablet. “There’s, uh, heavy traffic on the usual way because of some road construction. And you’re going back tomorrow. You haven’t really gone around the city, so I figured it’d be a good time.”

You hum, looking at him with a small smile.

“Sure,” you buy. “It feels like only yesterday you were driving a beat-up Hyundai. Now, you’re all fancy.”

He chuckles, turning as his car speeds through the bridge. “Well, many things have changed since you left.”

Donghyuck looks beautiful like this: Seoul’s horizon running like a movie as he drives, smile soft, eyes bright.

“I’m sorry,” you brave up.

It takes you great courage to say it out loud. As best friends, you and Donghyuck had always said “thank you,” and “I love you” openly, and in countless of occasions, these words have healed scratches made around your friendship. Rarely you and him would ever say you’re sorry. The only time you can remember apologizing to him was the night, a few weeks before graduation when you’d just returned from the States after your internship. That sorry barely made up the wounds you’d caused.

At this age, you understand why saying sorry wasn’t normal for you and Donghyuck. You and him were inseparable. You were soulmates—are if you can bravely say it out loud. Your bond is stronger with him than anyone else, and you’d always believed that nothing could ever come between you and him. Like the decisions you’d made, nothing changed until something did. And when things changed, you and him had no idea what to do. Because as far as you can remember, you and Donghyuck remained constant, like a routine, a bible with a comprehensive and cohesive series of stories that’s never changed. So, when feelings got in between—denial and pining and confusion—neither of you had any idea how to handle it.

Donghyuck was bold and brave. You, on the other hand, had no ounce of courage to give it a try.

He only smiles. “A few years too late, don’t you think?”

You nod. “I know. Do you accept my apology?”

“If you buy me ice cream,” he answers.

“Done,” you say, smiling back at him. “I was scared.”

Donghyuck keeps his eyes on the road. “Of?”

“That I’d come back to Seoul and see you married with kids and all.”

“And what’s so scary about that?”

“Because it would mean I’d thrown away all the chances the universe has given me.”

Donghyuck looks ethereal like this: in a suit, smiling as he watches his bride walk down the aisle.

“Take care, yeah?” Renjun whispers as he hugs you.

Mark’s Dad and Mark himself are waiting for you outside. As most of your friends have gone home to their families after graduation, with the exception of Renjun and Jisung who spared some time today just to see you off, Mark volunteered (his dad) to drop you off the airport.

“I will,” you say, burying your face into his chest. “Any word from Donghyuck?”

Renjun pulls away and looks down. You know the answer.

“It’s okay,” you answer, mostly to yourself. “He’ll call me back soon. I’m sure.”

“I hope so,” Renjun mumbles.

The only call you get before you enter the gates is a drunken one. It’s Donghyuck.

“I hate you,” he grits through the device. “And I never want to see you again.”

“I didn’t want to come back,” you confess. Donghyuck keeps his hands on the steering wheel. “Because you’d said you never wanted to see me again.”

“And I sent you messages you never received,” Donghyuck says. It surprises you. “Because your Korean number was no longer active and you’d blocked me from everything at that time.”

You smile, wondering if you had a little bit more understanding—if you had waited a little before deactivating your old number, if you had given it some time—would you and Donghyuck end up together in the end? If Donghyuck hadn’t been drunk the night you left Seoul—if he’d taken a taxi before you boarded the plane, if he’d just said sorry back—would you and him have gotten into a relationship right away?

Regret, just like grief, makes you feel things like this. They make you wonder what could have happened, if it would’ve given you the same, awful outcome, or if it would take you to the happy ending you keep dreaming about.

“Funny how we had many things we couldn’t say despite us being best friends,” he comments. “And you agree that many things have changed in the last four years, right?”

You hum, looking out your window, watching the horizon blur in motion.

“Donghyuck-ah,” you whisper, eyes still on the moving horizon. “The only thing that hasn’t changed for me.”

“What?” he asks.

“You,” you say. “You’re the only one that hasn’t changed for me. You’re still sharp when you need to be, but gentle where people you love need you to be. You’re still beautiful like the day I had realized I loved you. It wasn’t shocking, though. That day. I wasn’t all too shocked that your newly-dyed pink hair was the eureka moment for me. Because I knew all along. It was more like a flick on the wrist rather than a surprise. Like it’s always been there. The pink hair was just a reminder.”

Donghyuck stays quiet.

“And I say this like I’m hoping I could go back to four years ago and try harder to apologize,” you continue, tears already brimming your eyes. “But I guess we needed this, Donghyuck. We needed to grow—sadly—apart. And I feel like, no, I know that I wouldn’t have gotten to know myself better if we didn’t grow apart.”

“Yeah,” he speaks for what seems like a long time. “We were—you were right all along. We couldn’t just risk it all for a relationship. I had offers left and right even before we’d graduated, and you.”

You look at him. Donghyuck’s eyes are carefully still on the road, but his gaze is soft, eyes shining from the tears welling up.

“You were made to see the world,” he says, and it breaks you like glass. “I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I were the reason why you don’t have the life you have now. Because it wouldn’t have worked. I love you, and I just know that at that time, when we were young and all, I wouldn’t have let you go work abroad. The few months you spent in the state for a mere internship already shook our friendship in ways we didn’t expect. What more if we had been in a relationship?”

“Donghyuck,” you sniffle. “I love you. And it hurt. And I’m sorry it us this long. I’m sorry it took me this long.”

“Stop apologizing. Y/N, I would’ve let you go eventually,” he confesses. “Because I love you so much that I’d be willing to let you go if it meant you could soar.”

The sun sets in the horizon the next time you look out your window.

Donghyuck keeps one hand on the wheel and shows you the other, palm up.

You take it with courage.

And you. You look beautiful like this: dressed in white, smiling as you walk towards your groom. You best friend. Donghyuck.

[mania-sama]

Dear Kaeya, signed Diluc Ragnvindr

Final Duet - Omori

➼ information ❧ Genshin Impact ❧ Pairing: Diluc & Kaeya, Beidou & Diluc ❧ Tags: angst, implied/referenced torture, the crux fleet, letter-writing, second person ❧ Summary: A collection of the letters Diluc Ragnvindr sent to Kaeya Alberich during his three-year-long disappearance. They are scattered around the corners of Teyvat, either digested by an animal or hidden behind a painting in an apartment. If anyone can find them, please return them to the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius. You will be graciously rewarded. ❧ Word Count: 4,317 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own ❧ Original post date: 27 May 2022

Author Note:

Inspired by this tiktok

-

Dear Kaeya,

    This will never reach you. I assume it will be consumed by a whale or any other sea creature of sorts. I hope it’s not a catchable fish that people eat; then it might actually resurface. Whatever, it’s unlikely to get back to you anyway.

    I don’t know what to say. I’m going to run out of ink if I keep letting it go dry on my quill from hesitation. You would laugh and say that’s unlike me to hesitate. It is. I didn’t hesitate when I left the Knights of Favonius, I didn’t hesitate to attack you, I didn’t hesitate to leave Mondstadt. Why is it so hard for me to write what I mean, then? It doesn’t make sense. You would probably give me some bullshit answer for it.

    I don’t understand. Why did you have to hide it, for so long? I hate not knowing. You blindsided me, Kaeya. I thought you were all that I had left of my family, and then you told me even that wasn’t true. I don’t care that you were sent to be some spy. I care that you lied to me, just like everyone else did. Why did you have to be like everyone else?

    Whatever. It’s not like you can answer anyway. This was a horrible idea. I’m nowhere near done with my ink. I have plenty of paper left, it would be a waste to not use it all. Remember that one woman we talked to a few weeks ago? She always wrote down everything. She said it made her feel better. I don’t think this is making me feel better. I think it’s making me feel, and that’s worse than pretending like the pain doesn’t exist.

    I wonder if Father knew about your eye. Did you ever tell him? Or would you lie to me about that, too? It hurts. It makes me so angry, Kaeya. Did you even care? He treated you like a son, and I to you a brother. You always reciprocated. How much of it was a lie? How did you grow up to be such a shitty spy when it was your own purpose in our household? I don’t know what you’re doing now. I don’t know how I feel about it, which is worse. Your blood on my hands. Your Vision, it gave me frostbite, and it caused me to not feel your blood anymore.

    Good-bye, for now. I have plenty of paper and plenty of bottles. People are careless and leave their destruction everywhere. I suspect I will live just fine on my own. It would be more convenient, I guess, if I had my Vision to light a fire. Father’s Delusion does the same job. It just hurts my hands. It’s the strangest feeling. Pyro never hurt me. Does your Cryo? I’m sure it hurt when you received it.

    Good-bye,

        Diluc Ragnvindr

—

Dear Kaeya,

    I burned the last paper I tried to write this on with the Delusion by accident.  It’s hard to control this thing. It’s my legacy, though. It replaces where my Vision should be, even though it doesn’t feel the exact same. I can feel the tug of my Vision sometimes, especially when I’m using Father’s Delusion. You never saw it, the way he manipulated the Delusion. It was like an art form, but he pushed himself too far. He didn’t get to use it enough. I will not be like him. I will hone this weapon if it is the last thing I do in this world, which I assure you, it won’t be.

    It’s not the Fatui I’m after. Well, part of it is them, yes. It can’t all be them, though. There is more to this situation than meets the eye. It was crazed, vicious more than any creature could possibly be. It was sent to Mondstadt, I’m sure. If it weren’t for Father, many people would have died. The Knights wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

    I don’t miss being Cavalry Captain. Looking back on it, it only held me back. I imagine you have taken my position, if you still stayed in the Knights. You probably did. What, to spite me? You will only hinder yourself, in that case. Unless you plan on making the Ordo keep you more honest. I can’t imagine they’d let you stay if they knew the truth.

    Kill Eroch for me. I can’t think of anything else to say. Just kill him. If I see him, I’ll do it myself.

    Diluc R.

—

Kaeya

    I can’t stop thinking about your eyes. The golden one, and the blue one. No, not the left eye. Your new, blue Vision, the eye of God. It doesn’t match your traitor eye at all. It makes sense. Do you have my eye? Do you look at it, to see if I’m okay? It must’ve scared you to see it go pretty dull for a moment. I hope you tried to destroy my Vision. It would make me feel less guilty. What was the point? I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten.

Diluc 

—

Dear Kaeya,

    I burnt all of my paper by accident. I had to stop and get new ones, and then ink and a pen. It’s strange in Liyue. I mean, we’ve been before, but it’s different this time. I have a new outlook on it. I’m alone and searching for something that’s both abstract and very real at the same time. I have not forgotten the language, thankfully. I can keep conversation well while simultaneously leading myself on with my search.

    The locals make me a little angry. My temper seems to worsen these days, which doesn’t appeal to many people. When I reveal that I’m from Mondstadt, I’ve had more than a few locals go on to tell me about how they disapprove of the Anemo Archon’s decision, about how we are a godless nation. I find the irony in it unamussing when I relate it back to you. It’s also fairly unamussing in general. Despite having left, I still love Mondstadt. After hearing it for the third time, I may have engaged in an argument with a man about Mondstadt’s freedom and Liyue Harbor’s strict rules. If it were not for the fact that I had a Delusion and still struggle to summon its power, I’m sure the other man would’ve had scorch marks over his body.

    The food here tastes very good. I’ve never been a man to like foreign foods very much, but everything seems different in the flesh of it all. I just have to find the right place, and it really ends up not being too much different than home. No matter my foreign looks, accent, and such, I am still served in the same manners any other local would be. I’ve noticed the water tastes differently as well. Different sources wield different tastes. I became used to the water in Mond, but in Liyue, it is so much different. I can’t say I like it, but I don’t intend to stay for much longer. I suspect I’ll be back, but that is just to move from one place to another. The Harbor is like a hub of activity for all foreign nations. I can easily catch a boat from here to there.

    The history here is rich. That never bored you, did it? It was your favorite lesson. Aside from insulting Mond, the history of Liyue is one of the most favored topics. I believe I can learn a lot from the Harbor, from business to the creation of the world. I don’t have time for this right now, but one day, I’d like to be able to sit and embrace all of it. Discuss the cultural wines with the brewers, the history of the Adepti that protect the lands, and the business to contract marketplace that the Harbor runs on. Favors, it seems, that just happen to coincide with contracts, are what make the normal citizens trust each other. The crime rate is lower here, also. It’s something that was brought up in the Mondstadt versus Liyue debate. Personally, the stricter rules make the city feel tightened, like I can’t move.

    The music here is very different from Mondstadt’s. It’s not better or worse– just different. Their style of singing is more in the grandeur type, with an elevated stage with the paying people below it. Operas and concerts. They feel less personal, and the singing flows like a river. It’s extravagant, obviously well-tuned with a number of background instrumental musicians playing to support the main singer or musician. It is similar to the bards by what the music is about. They tell stories of their Adepti. While there are other people who do something similar, just not in the singing way. Story-tellers, very simply. Personally, if I wanted to hear a story, I would want to hear the whole thing in one sitting and not have to wait for a few days for the story-teller to tell the next part of the story.

    It’s amazing what I never knew about Liyue Harbor. I used to think I knew so much. Cavalry Captain at fifteen, Vision at eleven. I thought I knew the world. Liyue reminds me of how much I really don’t know. You need to come to Liyue Harbor sometime, and see it the way I do. I think you could benefit from the experience. Their Archon is much closer, they even speak to him once a year. Rex Lapis, they call him. You would have many questions for him, I have no doubt.

    Sincerely,

        Diluc Ragnvindr

—

Dear Kaeya,

    I’ve been on a ship before, but this is something entirely new. The Crux, an armed fleet of all-but-in-name pirates, possibly the most infamous fleet in all of Teyvat, is nothing like I expected it to be. It is well-maintained, and I do not doubt their prowess on the seas they rule over. They are just much different than I imagined.

    Talking can get you far, and skipping over unnecessary dialogue, I’ve learned, can get you even further. Saying the right things to the right people without any fluff in-between is how I was able to get on this ship, free of charge outside of the labor I must perform during the journey from Liyue to Inazuma. It’s truly amazing, Kaeya. The crew is very welcoming, if not eccentric in their ways. Typical of pirates, they drink to their heart's content, more than I’ve seen any drunkard in Mondstadt. Insane alcohol tolerances and were more than a little upset when I wouldn’t have my fair share.

    I believe the captain of this crew is what surprised me the most. She wears an eyepatch like you. Except, her story is completely different than yours. She claims she had a vicious battle with a very angry, very large sea crab that tried to take something she had actually stolen– she didn’t word it as stolen, but that was what she did– from the Tianquan Ningguang. I’m not inclined to believe any of what she’s said, even after the kindness she’s shown me. I have you and Eroch to thank for that.

    I don’t mean to be bitter. It’s just so easy. This dark sea is making me think about the winery, and with it all the reasons I’m aboard this ship in the first place. Inazuma is a few days away. I don’t know how long I can sit with these brooding thoughts, stewing in my own mixed emotions. All I can feel is anger most of the time, until I sit down to write. Then, my hand doesn’t want to move, and I’m left to think about what I’m really feeling.

    I don’t know what I want to say to you. Who is in the wrong for what happened that night? You hurt me a lot with what you said, and the day you chose to do it. I needed you.

—

Dear Kaeya,

    Captain Beidou introduced me to something called “depression.” It can be caused by the loneliness of the sea. She says that staying on ships for too long causes accidents to happen to crewmates. Or rather, they let the accidents happen. They want to feel something outside of the dark sea. The ship can get too quiet, even for its rowdiness. People don’t see their families on the land often.

    I don’t buy it, but she forced me to participate in activities to prevent this depression from sinking in. I had to take pictures, do these very strange exercises that I can safely say I never want to do again. I painted for the first time as well. I don’t know where she managed to get the much paint from. There is another significant figure on the ship as well, named Kazuha. He led poetry lessons. I’ve never been a fan of poetry.

    Captain Beidou has an Electro Vision, and he has an Anemo Vision. Though, that’s not all he has. He has something called a Masterless Vision, which can only be created when the owner of a Vision has passed on. He holds two Visions, a strange phenomenon. If I had kept my Vision, would it hold the same effect if I also kept my Delusion? I can use both, separately. I have never tried at the same time. After all of my time in Mondstadt and Liyue, I still know fairly little about Delusions. What I do know is enough to keep me from dying.

    The crew has told me an answer to my question that keeps resurfacing whenever I look into the ocean. I didn’t ask them, I just observed and learned from the way they interact. Who is in the wrong for that night? Neither of us, or both of us. You shouldn’t have betrayed and lied to me. I shouldn’t have tried to kill you and abandon you. I don’t know what I would say to you if I could see you now. My hand wants to write something, but my brain won’t supply anything. What is there to say, except admit our wrongdoings? Are you searching for the truth, too?

    Good night,

        Diluc R.

—

Dear Kaeya,

    Inazuma is stifling. It’s beautiful, I can’t deny that. From the shapes of the clouds to the subtle purple tint to the land, everything appears to be quite breath-taking. That is where the excitement ends.

    The Omnipresent God, they call the Raiden Shogun. This nation is the opposite of Liyue Harbor. The air is static, the government is imposing, and I always feel like there is someone watching me. I hide in the shadows. I shouldn’t be anywhere outside of Ritou, anyway, yet I’ve managed to make it to Inazuma City. This may be a mistake on my part, but I think I can get somewhere with this. I have already been able to steal a fair share of Inazuman clothing, so I can get around the city just fine as long as I stay out of the way. It is better if I am not seen regardless.

I have a few days until the Crux leaves again, this time to Snezhnaya, the land of the land of the Fatui. I have seen a few diplomats here, because they are able to pass by the Sakoku Decree, which we both knew about prior. They are still not well-liked by the citizens, but that is a given. None of the locals seem to like foreigners at all.

Inazuma, the Land of Eternity. The name makes Inazuma sound almighty, powerful, above-all. You and I bought into it. Inside the city, it makes the preconceived notion laughable. Kaeya, the nation is in shambles. The marketplace has monopolies scattered for every item, the prices extremely high that causes everyone outside of the military officials– one of the three commissions in the Tri- Commission– to starve. They are hostile to anyone that isn’t like them. They don’t like anyone who points out just how horrible the situation is.

There is a permanent storm in Inazuma. It started when the Crux reached the edge of the ocean that belongs to Inazuma. It fits the Electro Archon. The lightning cackled constantly in the sky, and it never stopped raining. In the little bits of privacy I could have on the Crux, I used my Delusion to dry myself off. It never did much, and it was of little comfort, but it helped hone my abilities with the Delusion. I have more control, and it doesn’t hurt anymore. It only hurts when I overextend and lose the tight fist I have on it.

In regards to my search, I have not faltered. I think I have something with these three Fatui Diplomats that like to talk just a little too much. I haven’t been discovered yet. I hear the talk of the Harbingers, officers of the Fatui with absolute control and mad power. Better than that, I have heard that there is a group of people causing Fatui great amounts of trouble.

The Crux leaves in a day for the next nation, Snezhnaya. That is where I need to go. Kaeya, my Pyro Vision left me resistant to the cold. I wonder if my Delusion can hold up the same.

Sincerely,

    Diluc Ragnvindr

—

K

    Captain Beidou, very irritatingly, has found out about my letters to you and insists that she carry one out to the person I am writing to. She says the bottles won’t work, and I told her that that was the whole point. Under the very real threat that I get thrown overboard, I am being forced to write out this letter specifically for her to deliver.

    Didn’t I mention how little privacy this ship has? A very imposing figure is standing over my shoulder as I write this. She gasped just now. And smeared ink all over the paper. Please, send your best regards to Captain Beidou.

    As I said, I am leaving for Snezhnaya. I don’t remember being overly fond of their food, but I said that about Liyue Harbor, and I felt the same about Inazuman delicacies. I am noticing a pattern. I can’t continue doing this.

        Diluc R.

—

Dear Kaeya,

    There are many things to regret over the extent of my life. I regret not being strong enough to protect Father, I regret having never learned the truth about you earlier on in life, and I regret trying to kill you. I regret that I gave you a Vision, because that meant I became a truly wicked person. Finally, I regret my last letter to you, and this one as well. I didn’t get to say what I wanted then, for such foolish reasons. Now, I still can’t say what I want.

    Unforeseen circumstances have arisen. There isn’t much I can explain, even though I know this bottle will lead nowhere special to anyone at any time. I wish I could say more, that I can tell you more. This is my last letter to you, Kaeya, until I am released from my chosen binds. This will never reach you, which is why I feel the confidence to say this:

    I am sorry, Kaeya.

        Diluc Ragnvindr

—

To Cavalry Captain Kaeya Alberich of the Ordo Favonius,

I am coming home.

D.R.

—

A crumpled piece of paper was hidden in a slot behind one of the many paintings Kaeya Alberich had in his apartment in inner city of Mondstadt. Every few days, if you looked into the darkened windows of the apartment, you could see the esteemed Cavalry Captain unhook a painting of an old prize horse of the Dawn Winery years ago from the wall. Carefully, he would undo the back of the painting, pulling out a piece of paper that had survived several years of abuse from its current owner.

Then, the Cavalry Captain would move to his kitchen table and sit down in one of the six seats available. He would smooth out the paper on the table and place his hand on top of it for several seconds. Eventually, he would lift his hand and read the contents written on the piece. The words were hardly visible after the years it had seen and the conditions it was written under. But if you were to ask Captain Kaeya himself, he would say that the eligibility didn’t matter; he’d memorized the words a long time ago.

After only a few moments of reading, the captain’s shoulders would start to shake. A hand would come up to support his forehead, and another hand would move the paper out from under him. It was done to protect the precious paper from being stained by Kaeya’s tears.

If you were to ask the captain about the contents of the paper, he would not give the real answer. He would make up a fictitious lie supported by the supposed backstory of his eyepatch, laced in old pirate tales and hidden treasures. If you were to read the paper yourself, you would find an innocent letter addressed to nobody in particular, detailing a person passive-aggressively being forced to write the words on the paper by their superior. It was signed, “Diluc R.”

The real story behind the letter couldn’t be brought from Kaeya’s mouth. If you wanted the truth, you would have to trek to Liyue Harbor and find the Captain of the Crux Fleet: Captain Beidou. She would have no qualms telling the story behind the letter, even finding the situation to be quite humorous despite the way Captain Kaeya had always reacted.

She would say: “Well, it all started when a young man with a bright, red mane like flames climbed on my ship. We were Inazuma-bound, but this didn’t phase him. The kid had guts– Hell, he probably still does. He was pretty skeptical and had a temper wilder than any hurricane I’ve ever braved, but that only made him an easier target for the crew and I. Oh, the teasing!

“I knew he was writing the letters long before I told him. Nothing escapes me on my fleet! Ha ha! I remember how embarrassed he was when I told him! I forced him to write out a letter, but of course it wasn’t as serious as it normally was. Left out the name it was addressed to and everything! Claimed I would never be able to deliver it to the right person! So of course I took the challenge. I had him package it up in an old wine bottle like he usually did, then once I dropped him off in Snezhnaya, the crew and I made a detour to good ole’ Mondstadt.

“You see, it wasn’t hard to track down who the letter was addressed to. Everyone was up in arms over the fact that their famous Diluc, having just disappeared from Mond, had been with the Crux Fleet! I did my best to hide any details of his true whereabouts or what he had been doing with me, because I would never betray one of my own, even for someone who lived as shortly with me as he did.

“From there, I got the letter address down to two people of interest, Sir Kaeya and Master Jean, both of the Ordo Favonius. Thanks to my great memory, I recalled the kid scratching out the letter K when he was writing the personal address. So I delivered the letter in the bottle dutifully! Sir Kaeya wasn’t as happy as I was. He actually took the letter with poorly hidden sorrow and guilt. I wanted to stay around for his reaction, but I know where lines shouldn’t be crossed. After having a few drinks at the famous Angel’s Share and meeting with Master Jean, my crew and I returned on our route. There is your story about the little letter a fiery kid on my ship wrote to a few years ago!

“To be fair, I thought they were love letters at first. The angry, no-nonsense Diluc having a little crush back at home? Hilarious! It’s weird to think that now, though, since I know they were brothers and all that. I wonder if those other bottles had ever gotten to Sir Kaeya?”

None of the bottles had been recovered by Captain Kaeya, nor were any found and returned to him. He had never stopped searching the beach for the supppsed other bottles mentioned by both Captain Beidou and the letter itself. He can still be found wandering the shorelines of Mondstadt during his free time, pants rolled up and wading into the water to try and find at least one bottle. This learned behavior never left him, even after Master Diluc of the Dawn Winery returned to Mondstadt.

If you were to ask Master Diluc about the letters he wrote to Captain Kaeya, he would deny having ever done anything. It became well-known in Mondstadt that the two men didn’t get along upon the wine master’s return, but it can’t help but be wondered: if they were both made aware of the others’ viewpoint of the letters, the receiver and the writer, would something change between them? The question would forever be left unanswered, for the two could never be seen talking in any manner other than impolite jabs and heartless arguments.

Somewhere, in the very corner of Teyvat where the gods can’t cast their judging eyes, a bottle washes up to the shore. A man picks it up, pale with blue eyes mimicking the stars and hair ashy blond. He runs his hands over the bottle and examines it carefully before popping the cork that had sealed it shut. He pulls out the letter inside, reads it, and smiles. He pockets it gently, a new destination and person in mind for him to travel to: Cavalry Captain Kaeya Alberich of the Ordo Favonius.

[bvidzsoo]

Nowhere we won’t go

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: violence, murder, blood, some swearing

 Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

 Word count: 27, 401

 Summary:  Life had mysterious ways of working, and it took you off guard when you lost your best friend to a ruthless criminal. No one knew who did it, the whole town was in terror. However, it didn’t stop there, more people were dying and your suspicions of the murderer started raising. Could it really be your boyfriend?

 A/N: Hiii lovelies! I’m back from the dead lol. College always takes a tool on me, so I barely have inspiration to write nowadays. I watched Scream lol and this oneshot came into fruition. Ofc it’s heavily inspired by the movie so don’t come at me, but I tried to be original still. I might be a little rusty crusty dusty, but I hope it’s not that noticeable. Please leave feedback, you know I love it and I hope everyone enjoys this! Happy reading!

           This morning wasn’t any different compared to other mornings. The sun was slowly rising, beaming down on our little borough and letting its rays spread some well needed warmth as autumn has approached, coating the town in a grey fog as a result of daily rain. I missed the summer days, when the temperatures were high and I was carefree and able to spend my time doing what I liked. School takes up a large amount of effort and energy, and sometimes, I’m drained by the end of the day. I am conscious that going to school is crucial as it’s supposed to educate us and develop us into mature and smart young adults, ready to pursue our dreams and goals once we’re out of high-school, but most of times it’s just a buzzkill. The teachers are always dull and mean to us, as if they hate us for being in their classes, and most things we learn seem useless once we have stepped out into the real world. I like studying, but I am not desperate, and find myself spending my time doing something else quite often. This has always been an issue with my mom, as she’s a hardworking nurse and stern woman, only expecting and accepting perfection. But we got past our differences a few years ago and now, if I get good grades, she allows me to do whatever I like on the weekends. When I was young, I was supposed to attend various activities which my mother enjoyed while she was young, like: swimming and ballet classes. I have always hated ballet; it gave me bad ankle and toe aches making me unable to get out of bed on some lamentable days. But my mother wouldn’t accept my whining and forced me to continue ballet, only allowing me to stop when I told her I had no interest in being a ballerina. That was three years ago. Mom was quite disappointed but when I told her I wanted to take up some drawing and painting classes, reluctantly, but at last she agreed. Now, I can see myself being an artist, attending a prestige arts college. I only have to convince my mother at this point to oblige to my wish. I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but I’ve still got two years to come up with a good solution. Perhaps if Wonwoo and I can go to the same college she’ll let me be. Wonwoo, my boyfriend, is someone who my mother adores. She’s loved him from the very first moment they have met. He’s soft spoken and kind, a little withdrawn, but nonetheless friendly once he opens up to you. We’ve known each other since we were kids as we’ve been living on the same street for our whole lives, but our romance only began in high-school, last year. It took us some time to mature and notice each other finally, but when it happened, I couldn’t have been happier. He was so attentive to me, always listening closely to what I had to say. He made me laugh and smile, sometimes even without trying to, and filled my heart with warmth I didn’t know was even possible. I found a confidant and friend in him, someone whom I could love freely and carelessly, never doubtful or uncertain of his intentions. Wonwoo was direct and honest from the get go and it made me like him even more. We had our ups and downs, just as any couple, but managed to work them out and move forward as a stronger couple. He had moments when I couldn’t understand him, questioning whether I was imagining his lack of empathy or he really lacked of it, but never thought too hard about it. After all, both of us were enamored with each other, living under our pink cloud as any newly formed couple.

I had dressed up after waking up, realizing I needed to hurry up if I wanted to catch the bus, mom had a nightshift and wouldn’t be driving me to school today. I could smell bacon and eggs wafting through the downstairs as I descended the stairs, headed for the kitchen. My mother was still in her nurse uniform, her blonde hair pulled in a tight bun as she placed the fried bacon on a plate next to the already done eggs.

“Good morning, mom.” I greeted her with a smile and she turned around, dark bags under her eyes as she returned a smile.

“Good morning, slept well?” She asked as she handed me the plate which I took eagerly. I didn’t have dinner last night as I was too lazy to cook something and my stomach was screaming at me right now to fill it with something.

“Yes, although the storm did wake me up…” I trailed off as mom hummed, sipping some orange juice as she sat down opposite of me.

“It was quite bad; the wind tore a few trees out around the hospital.” She said and I hummed in surprise, not having thought the storm was actually that bad. My mom looked behind me with furrowed eyebrows as she quickly went to grab the remote control. I was just chewing on my breakfast as she turned the volume up of the TV behind me, making me turn around to see what has caused such interest in my mom suddenly. However, the words of the reporter made me drop my fork.

“Breaking News.” Her voice was loud and clear, eyebrows furrowed as she stood in front of a white house, “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Trees getting torn out of the ground during last night’s storm wasn’t the only unfortunate thing to happen. It has come to our attention, that a beloved citizen of our serene city has been murdered in cold blood last night during the storm. Her name is Myoi Mina and she was a student at Primrose High-School. Not much is known as of now about her death, the police are still investigating the crime scene, however, I managed to find out before going live, that she’d been stabbed in the chest three times and suffered a fatal trauma to her head. I offer my sincere condolences to everyone who knew her. Stay tuned for more news about the terrific death of Myoi Mina, a bright girl who will never be forgotten. I am Park Sooyoung and you’ve been watching Prime News.”

For a second the world went quiet around me as I continued staring at the TV with my mouth open in shock. If it weren’t for my mother calling out my name, I probably would have stayed longer in that trance.

“Honey!” Her voice rose an octave and suddenly I felt her gripping my hand, eyes searching mine.

“Mom—” I managed to whisper as she pulled me into a hug, offering me support. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Mina…dead? How is that possible? Who would do that to her? We weren’t friends, but as we go to the same high-school we’ve known each other. She was always bright, and friendly, just as the reporter has said. Who would want to take away her life? When she was so innocent—oh, poor Wonwoo. If I was this affected by the news, I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. They had been exes and despite a tumultuous relationship, they managed to figure things out and stay somewhat friendly with each other after their breakup. Still, she was a person he once had loved and I would totally understand if he needed time to sort his thoughts out.

“Honey, are you alright?” My mom whispered and I lightly nodded, pulling away from the hug. I wasn’t very alright, confusion and fear meshing together, but I needed to stay strong. For Wonwoo, probably.

“Yes, just very…shocked.” I answered mom and she nodded; eyebrows downturned as she understood my feelings.

“It’s going to be fine. The one responsible for this will be found and held responsible for their actions, don’t be afraid.” Mom tried to cheer me up and offer some security, but it didn’t do much. However, I did appreciate her attempt.

“You’re right.” I tried to give her a smile, but I wasn’t able to.

“Let me drive you to school today—”

“No, don’t worry! I am fine, really. You look very tired, just go get some sleep. The bus is coming in five minutes.” I reassured her and got up from my seat, appetite gone as I quickly filled my water bottle with some orange juice.

“You’re sure?” Mom raised her eyebrows and I nodded, going up to her and kissing her cheek.

“Go rest, mom.” She hummed and patted my head before I hurried into the hallway to pull on my shoes and take on my coat. I opened the front door and took my keys, locking it once I was out of the house. Just as I walked down my porch the bus approached and I got on it, noticing the silence and somber faces of the rest of the students on it. Today was a grey day and nobody could deny it.

           My first task after getting off the bus was to find Wonwoo and check up on him. I kept biting my lip nervously as I looked around the halls, even going up to his locker. He was nowhere to be found and it made me even more nervous. I walked up to his classroom and peeked inside, but his usual seat was empty, not even his bag was there yet. Classes would start in ten minutes and I was panicking, about to grab my phone to call him, when I realized I hadn’t checked one place yet. The spot designated for the students to park their bikes and motorbikes. Of course he’d be there, why hadn’t I thought about that earlier?!

I ran down the hallways and finally exited the school, beelining it for the parking lot. Nobody was laughing this morning, people whispering amongst them, some even crying. Mina’s closest friends weren’t even seen at school, I understood why. I greeted a classmate of mine in a rush as I passed by him, he had just gotten out of his car and was taken aback by my presence, but by the time he greeted me back I was already facing the motorbikes parked in the corner. And there he was, Wonwoo, dressed in all black, his helmet in his hands as he got off his bike. His black hair was badly ruffled as he hadn’t run his fingers through his hair yet, and I suddenly took off, running towards my boyfriend. He had placed the helmet where he was sitting just seconds ago when I crashed into his back, hugging him from behind. I rested my cheek against his shoulder as I squeezed my arms tightly around his middle, making Wonwoo let out a surprised gasp.

“Hey, there, sugar.” He chuckled and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Just as I pulled my head away from his shoulder he turned around in my embrace and hugged me back, just as strongly as I had hugged him. He was crushing me, but I didn’t care.

“Wonwoo—” I managed to mutter out as I wiggled out of his embrace, torso aching in certain spots, “Are you alright?”

Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrowed as he ran his fingers through my short hair, resting his hand on my nape, “Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

I became even more confused at Wonwoo’s words, searching his face for some sort of tell, but there was none, “Well…did you not hear?”

I decided to feel around, scared that I had to be the one to tell him. It would break me seeing him in pain.

“Hear what?” Wonwoo asked confused, his thumb rubbing my jugular, it was slightly distracting.

“Oh, well—” I cleared my throat and licked my lips, “Mina—”

“Oh, that.” Wonwoo muttered and looked down, his grip slightly tightening on my nape, but I said nothing as I watched his expression. He seemed unphased almost, like he wanted to look sad but it wasn’t working. My eyebrows furrowed when Wonwoo sniffed, yet there were no tears in his eyes. He clearly wasn’t alright, and I felt horrible for even reminding him of her death.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Why are you sorry, did you kill her?” He suddenly looked up and his sharp eyes were piercing into mine, and I suddenly stuttered before shutting my lips. What? He looked so…cold. As if he didn’t care at all.

“No, I just—”

“Y/N,” He grabbed both of my cheeks with his hands and pulled me into him, our foreheads almost touching, “You are the love of my life and whatever happened to Mina…she had it coming.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Wonwoo with even more confusion. He didn’t actually mean that, right? How could he…he cared for her once.

“She was murdered, Wonwoo.” I whispered; my voice almost trembling. Wonwoo sighed and swiftly kissed my forehead, but it didn’t reassure me like it usually did, no, it made a chill run down my spine.

“I know, but she cheated on me multiple times, sugar, I do not care what has happened to her.” Wonwoo’s voice was sinister, almost gloating if I hadn’t known him better, “But she deserves it.”

My mouth opened in a gasp as I shook my head, refusing to comprehend the words which were leaving his lips, but also shocked and trying to process what he could really mean by saying that. But before I could voice my thoughts, his warm lips were pressing against mine softly, our noses touching. His was cold as it was really windy outside and I pulled back from the kiss, opening my eyes to gaze into his. I couldn’t read what he was feeling, his face expressionless and somehow so cold.

“I love you.” Wonwoo muttered before he let go of me and stepped back, grabbing his helmet off his motorbike. I watched him as he grabbed his backpack as well, trying to go over what has happened in the last few minutes, realizing this was just probably Wonwoo’s way of processing the traumatic news of last night’s happening. I knew deep down he was feeling miserable, he just didn’t want to show it in order to not worry me even more. I felt sympathetic for him and as he looked at me, it shocked me how much hatred was behind his irises, but it was gone just as quickly as it came, and it made me wonder if I had started seeing things. The news must be affecting me real bad if I couldn’t decide anymore what my boyfriend’s reactions meant.

           Today was grim. Everyone’s mood was bad and students almost whispered to each other despite it being our long break. Myoi Mina’s death has affected all of us, it was obvious. Everyone seemed to hold some sadness in their eyes and somehow they seemed to be more sympathetic towards fellow students. Even the teachers tried to be nicer to us. An hour ago we held a memorial for Myoi Mina at the football field of our high-school and once we were dismissed we quickly hurried back to our classrooms as the wind started picking up once again. The weather seemed to worsen as we reached noon and currently we were bundled up in the cafeteria, trying to enjoy our lunches. However, I found it rather hard to swallow the mashed potatoes as I overheard the girls next to our table talking about Mina’s brutal murder. I found the topic insensible and rude to talk about, especially since they seemed to be giggling about it from time to time, wondering whether the criminal looked hot or not. Kim Yerim, my best friend, seemed to have had enough as well as she slammed her fork down against the table, the loud sound catching those girls’ attention.

“Listen here, insensible cunts, if you want to gossip about that poor girl’s terrible death and fantasize about a murderer, go do it in your bedrooms and not in the cafeteria where everyone can hear you and realize just how fucking stupid you are!” Yerim’s words were harsh, always having been a brutally honest person, and it caught the attention of a few more students around us who seemed to be agreeing with her as they shot nasty glares at the gossiping girls. They seemed to be offended and one even gasped as she stood up, causing an unnecessary scene.

“How dare you call us—insensible cunts?!” Her voice rose and Yeri scoffed, giving her an amused grin.

“I was merely telling the truth, sweetheart.” Yerim answered back and I turned my head to look at the girl who was very pathetically gasping for air.

“I think everyone around us knows by now that you just want your five-minute fame, so settle down before you embarrass yourself furthermore.” I spoke up, trying to ease up the tension, but I figured I only did worse by saying that. The girl’s friend gasped loudly and both were standing up now, looking down at Yerim and I as if we were some monsters.

“Look who’s talking about fame, Y/N.” The second friend, who was blonde and had a pixie cut, looked at me maliciously, “Aren’t you the one dating Myoi Mina’s ex?”

Yerim and I glanced at each other, not understanding the correlation here, “I am, and so what about that?”

“Ah, look at her talk about fame,” The first one who caused this scene mocked, she had jet black eyes, “You’re acting as if you’re an angel when it’s because of you Wonwoo and Mina broke up. Did you know he cheated on her with you?”

I gulped, feeling the eyes of many students on me. This information was wrong, merely a gossip Mina spread around after she found out Wonwoo started going out with me out of jealousy. It didn’t last for long, the gossip, because a week later Mina and I talked and cleared things up. I held no harsh feelings against her and she apologized, realizing how foolish she was, and promised to make things right.

“That’s not true.” I said as I glared at the two girls, “Mina spread that rumor around out of jealousy—”

“Are you seriously bad-mouthing a dead person right now?!” The blonde one exclaimed in outrage and I couldn’t believe my ears. Suddenly I was the bad guy when I just wanted to protect someone who couldn’t do it anymore themselves. I could hear my ears ringing and my jaw clenched as I glared at the two. Yerim was just as appealed as I was and she slowly stood up, expression menacing.

“Look who’s playing the victim now.” Yerim chuckled and went around her chair, oh no, this was going to be bad. I stood up and grabbed my friend’s arm, knowing she’d get physical if no one was there to restrict her. Yerim always struggled with her anger issues, but when someone was disrespected she couldn’t help it, she saw red. I glanced around and gulped nervously, too many people were watching us now. And they were whispering too. I didn’t want this. Today out of all days this was so unnecessary.

“Yerim—” I spoke up, but before any of us could say anything else, Wonwoo and Soonyoung, his best friend, approached our table, each holding a tray full with food.

“What’s your problem, Hyuna?” Wonwoo snapped, blazing eyes glaring at the girl with the pixie cut, “Are you letting out your frustration on Y/N now that Mina’s gone? What? Are you going to beg me soon to leave Y/N for you?! Just like you did when I was dating Mina?”

My mouth fell open as Yerim and I looked at each other shocked, and even the students who were fully watching the commotion now, seemed surprised. The blonde one, Hyuna, turned red in the face and she gasped, looking at Wonwoo with her mouth gaping.

“That’s—that’s not—” She stuttered, shrinking under Wonwoo’s harsh glare, “That’s not what I was doing!”

“But you were speaking poorly of a dead girl.” Wonwoo said nonchalantly and Hyuna gulped as her friend took her hand and started pulling her away. I think they realized they have embarrassed themselves enough. Soonyoung started cackling as everyone watched the two girls basically run out of the cafeteria and he had the audacity to shout after them, “Look, Hyuna! I’m still available!”

His words elicited laughter from many students as they called Hyuna pathetic and everyone slowly went back to their lunch, Yerim and I long forgotten as we both sat down with Wonwoo and Soonyoung now having joined us. Wonwoo sat next to me and he kissed my cheek as I offered him a small smile, checking his face for any reaction. Perhaps a change of heart since the morning. But he still looked…fine, uncaring. Sooyoung, to Yerim’s dismay, sat next to her and she quietly sighed when he leaned close to her and whispered something, making her push his face away. Sooyoung giggled and I glanced at him, observing his attitude too. He looked like himself, as if Mina didn’t die, as if Mina and him didn’t even know each other.

“How are you feeling, Soonyoung?” I found myself asking my boyfriend’s best friend, curious.

Soonyoung looked up just as he stuffed his face with a chicken wing and grinned, “Quite well, thank you!”

Wonwoo cleared his throat next to me and I glanced at him briefly, but he was staring at Soonyoung quite coldly, “Oh—I mean, quite well despite the shocking news…I mean, how terrible, isn’t it?”

Yerim glanced at Wonwoo before she looked at Soonyoung and her eyes narrowed at the blonde, “At least you could try sounding more genuine next time, Soonyoung.” She emphasized his name as she gave him a glare. Yerim has never been fond of Soonyoung, she found him obnoxious, loud, dumb and overbearing. Despite Soonyoung’s efforts to get her to like him, she refused to spend any time with him if Wonwoo and I weren’t there.

“Yeah, you knew her quite well…” I found myself mumbling to no one in particular as I ate my lunch, but it seemed like everyone from our table heard me. Yerim nodded along. It was weird seeing the two boys so uncaring towards Myoi Mina’s death, after all, Soonyoung was the one who introduced Mina to Wonwoo.

“Oh, come on.” Soonyoung scoffed and leaned back in his seat, an irritated smirk crossing his lips, “That bitch whined all the time if something didn’t go her way. She didn’t let anyone breathe around her unless they first pleased her and my God—if Wonwoo wasn’t with her it was the end of the world, and if Wonwoo was there—why was he showing her no affection?!”

Wonwoo placed his fork down and placed his elbows on the table, leaning forward and placing his chin on his knuckles, “Thank you for you input, Soonyoung, although I’d like to enjoy my lunch without hearing about my ex-girlfriend’s death…again.”

It was the most emotion Wonwoo had shown all day and I grabbed his hand, squeezing it and offering him a small smile. He looked at me, seemingly still pissed off at Soonyoung, but offered me a small smile back. Yerim was silent as she watched the two boys before shaking her head and taking a sip from her glass of water. I knew how she felt about them, she never liked them too much, but they were good boys. A bit odd, but well-intended.

“Fine,” Soonyoung muttered displeased as he took another chicken wing, eyeing Yerim from the corner of his eyes, “but the bitch deserved it.”

“Excuse me?!” It was Yerim who was appealed this time, her reaction being the same as mine when Wonwoo said it. She just reacted stronger than I had. I was quite speechless, she rarely was.

“Nothing.” Soonyoung smiled sweetly at my best friend and I could feel my heartbeat pick up when Wonwoo’s tongue poked his cheek from the inside of his mouth, a clear sign he was getting angry. I looked at him, but he was glaring daggers at Soonyoung. Thinking quickly, I looked down at his plate and touched his thigh, trying to get his attention.

“You don’t like chicken wings,” I said with a smile as I pointed at my plate, “You can take my fried cheese.”

Wonwoo’s attention was back on me and his eyebrows furrowed, “You don’t look chicken wings either—”

“Don’t worry, I’m full already.” I smiled, I wasn’t full, in fact. But they were probably out of fried cheese and Wonwoo was quite particular about what he ate. I didn’t want him to be hungry until we got home.

“How sweet,” Soonyoung cooed from the other end of the table and both Wonwoo and I glanced at him, “She’s so caring, Won, don’t you just love her?”

He sounded quite mocking and I sighed, starting to get fed up with Soonyoung. I had no idea what his problem was today, but I didn’t enjoy being around him anymore. Wonwoo sensed my discomfort and shook his head at Soonyoung.

“Yes, I love her.” Soonyoung grinned widely and chuckled, shaking his head. He looked at Yerim and reached out for her hand, but she quickly took it off the table and gave him a glare.

“Don’t you want us to be sweet like them?” Soonyoung blinked cutely at Yerim, leaning closer to her, “How about—we go out on a date tonight?”

“Soonyoung,” Yerim scoffed and leaned closer, smirking at him, “For the nth time—no. I don’t like you and I will never date you. Stop being so fucking obnoxious all the time, thanks.”

Soonyoung tsked and shook his head, “You’re gonna get killed one day for talking like that to me.”

His words were barely audible but both Yerim and I caught it. Our heads whipped in his direction and he looked up innocently, blinking at us confusedly, “What?”

“Soonyoung, come to the wending machine.” Wonwoo abruptly stood up and smiled at his friend, however it didn’t reach his eyes, “Now.”

Wonwoo became demanding once Soonyoung made no sign of wanting to move and the blonde just sighed before getting up slowly, winking at Yerim before walking up to Wonwoo. Wonwoo swiftly grabbed his nape and pulled him away from us, making Soonyoung exclaim in annoyance. Yerim turned to look at me and I sighed, eating some more of my mashed potatoes.

“What is wrong with them?!” She whisper snapped as she watched me. I shrugged and ignored my friend, not wanting to think too deeply of what’s happened the past few minutes. Wonwoo was weird all day, but he’s been even weirder ever since they sat down to have lunch with us. Soonyoung’s words were even more unsettling and my head was a mess currently, I didn’t want Yerim questioning everything as well.

“Nothing.” I muttered back, head lowered as I tried to eat some more. Wonwoo took the fried cheese I gave him and I pushed the chicken wings to the side of my plate, I really hated them.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Y/N.” Yerim snapped and grabbed my elbow, making me look at her, “Something is very wrong with Soonyoung and we both know it. He’s giving me the creeps now more than ever before. Did you hear the things he was saying about Mina? How is that alright? How could he even think them and then say them—”

“I don’t know.” I snapped, getting pissed, “And I don’t want to know. This whole situation scares me and I’m not taking it well, okay? Everyone is talking about it and it’s making me lose my mind. I’m scared, okay? Can you at least, please, just drop it?!”

Yerim looked down and released my elbow, feeling bad for bringing this up again. I had already told her in the morning how scared I was of this whole ordeal, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you more. I just noticed things and wanted to tell you, because Wonwoo’s been weird too. He has always been, but today out of all days…he’s too quiet.”

“Wonwoo’s always quiet.” I chuckled and Yerim rolled her eyes.

“Not like this, you know what I mean…” She deadpanned and I huffed, turning back towards my plate.

“Whatever, you’re just being paranoid.”

“I’d rather be paranoid than dead.” Yerim muttered and I groaned, nudging her leg with mine underneath the desk. She giggled and started stealing the chicken wings off my plate as she glanced back, “I’ll take these before Soonyoung gets back and asks for them.”

I giggled and nodded at her, offering her my whole plate. I wasn’t full, but my appetite was long gone. I just wanted to be close to Wonwoo right now.

           I pulled the curtain to the side as I peeked out the window, eyebrows furrowing at the strike of lightning. The weather was horrible once again. It’s been raining almost the whole week. Mina’s murder was still fresh in everyone’s minds and people were cautious. It’s been three days only, after all. Today was her funeral and it was really sad. Many people showed up, although I preferred to stand towards the back, Wonwoo went ahead and offered his condolences to her parents who burst out in tears once they saw him. It made me realize how well liked Wonwoo was by the parents and elders in our town. He truly had a good soul and it was hard not to love him. My mother was working the night shift again tonight and as I didn’t feel comfortable staying home alone yet, Yerim and I agreed to have a sleepover tonight, however, she was still at the pool. She was a professional swimmer and she’s been training hard for the past half year for the upcoming national competition her team was to attend. I watched as the lighting struck again and waited for Yerim to pick up as my phone continued ringing. There was a chance she was still in the water, but I was hoping she wasn’t. We were supposed to meet half an hour ago, but she was running late.

“Hi!” Suddenly Yerim picked up and I smiled, closing the curtain, “Sorry, coach extended today’s training.”

She sounded breathless, “I figured, don’t worry. I still have some things to pack; do you want me to pick up pizza on my way to you?”

“Oh, pizza!” Yerim giggled and I heard someone shouting in the background for her, “One second coach—I’m supposed to be on a diet, Y/N, but sure.”

“Okay, one pepperoni pizza it is, then.” We both giggled.

“Wait—wasn’t I supposed to pick you up though?” Yerim asked and I went to my closet to take out my pajamas.

“You were, but since you’re running late I’ll drive myself, don’t worry.” The pool was a bit further from my house and I knew she was usually tired after practices; I didn’t want to burden her more.

“Thank you! See you!” I greeted her back before Yerim hung up and I finished packing the essentials before dressing up in my comfy sweater. It was actually Wonwoo’s but he gave it to me after I told him I liked the fabric of it. His cologne still lingered on it and I smiled as I nuzzled my nose against the collar of the black sweater. When he’d come over, every once in a while, he’d bring his cologne with him and spray it on the sweaters which were once his, so that I could feel him close to me even if he wasn’t here. It was a sweet gesture and it still brought butterflies to my stomach. There was another lightning strike and the thunder followed instantly, making me yelp at the loud rumble of it. My cat meowed loudly from the hallway and I opened my door, beckoning her over with a pout. She hated storms just as much as I did.

“Come, Byeol, this weather is driving me crazy.” She meowed back as if she understood me and jumped into my arms once I kneeled down to hold her. She nuzzled her head against my chin and I giggled, starting to pet her. She was a black cat with light green eyes which sparkled like stars, hence her name, Byeol. Mom bought her for me five years ago when I started complaining about being scared when she’d have her night shifts. I hated staying home alone at night until I got Byeol. She brought a sense of security with her and it made me appreciate her even more.

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone tonight, Byeol, you won’t be too mad at me, right?” I whispered at my cat as I played with her ears, she was purring loudly, “Mom will be back by five in the morning, so you won’t be staying alone for too long.”

Byeol meowed loudly and I chuckled kissing her head before placing her down on the floor gently and standing up to grab the charger of my phone, which I almost forgot to pack. I looked around the room and mentally checked off everything from my imaginary list of what I had to bring with myself to Yerim’s and picked up my backpack, making kissy faces at Byeol. She followed after me as I turned off the light in my room and walked down the hallway, headed for the stairs, when my phone suddenly started ringing. I looked down at the caller and saw Yerim was calling me, maybe she changed her mind about that peperoni pizza.

“Hi, Yerim—”

“Y/N!” Her voice was panicked and I stopped in my tracks, right at the top of the stairs, “Someone’s—following me!”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, this was out of character for Yerim, “What? I don’t understand—what’s happening?!”

“I’m at the pool—” There was a loud crash and Yerim gasped, “I’m scared—a masked man—they are following me—”

“Yerim, are you being serious?!” My heart picked up as I raced down the stairs, backpack long forgotten as Byeol looked at me confused.

“Yes!” She exclaimed and she started whimpering, making my hands tremble, “They have a knife, Y/N!”

I could barely pull on my tennis shoes when I heard her words, “Hide!”

“I’m in the locker room but I couldn’t find the keys—” There was a loud bang and a sob left Yerim’s lips, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I’m on my way, I’m calling the police—”

“Don’t hang up, please!” Yerim was crying and I was shaking so badly that I could barely grab my keys.

“Yerim, I have to—” I was cut off by Yerim’s scream.

“No! No, stop! Please!”

“Yerim!” I screamed as I slammed the front door shut and struggled to lock it. I sprinted towards my car, ignoring the cold raindrops crashing against the pavement and myself, “Yerim, are you there—”

But another scream cut me off and I started crying, feeling helpless as I listened to my friend’s painful sobs. Just as I reached my car and unlocked it, the line went dead and I panicked even more, hands trembling so hard I could barely dial 112.

“112 what’s your emergency—”

“Please, I think someone’s murdering my friend! She’s at the pool on Wellington’s street, nr. 18. Please! Help her!”

“Ma’am, calm down, can you tell us your name?” The woman on the other side of the phone tried to calm me down, but I couldn’t hear her words. I had to get to Yerim before it was too late. I had already started my car and was pulling out of the garage as I started rambling mindlessly about where Yerim was and that they had to get to her right now.

“Ma’am, calm down and tell us your name.” The woman tried again and I wiped my tears away as I speed down the streets.

“My name is not important! Get to my friend! Her name is Kim Yerim for fucks sake!” I screamed as I rushed past a red light, barely avoiding getting hit. I didn’t care what happened, I only had Yerim in mind, I had to get to her. No, this couldn’t be happening. She’s playing a sick prank on me, she must be. Otherwise…no. No. No. It’s not the murdered. No. They aren’t targeting her, she’s probably just playing around—I slammed on the brakes when I saw someone crossing the road, screaming at them to get the hell away as I started driving again.

“Ma’am, where are you right now?” Suddenly, I heard the woman’s voice through my phone, forgetting I hadn’t hung up.

“In the car, I have to get to my friend.”

“You can’t drive in the state you are—”

“What do you know about that!” I snapped and took a harsh left turn, realizing I was just two blocks away.

“Ma’am, officers are already at the scene, your friend is safe.” The woman tried to calm me down but I shook my head.

“I’ll believe that when I see her with my own eyes.” I reached over and hung up, pulling up to the building as the flashing lights of police cars blinded me for a second. I parked the car and got out without turning the engine off, uncaring of the rain which drenched me in seconds, as I ran towards two officers who were just getting out of their cars.

“My friend—where is she?!” I asked breathless, but they just looked at each other and I didn’t wait for their answers, I pushed past them and ran inside the building. There were more police officers and I saw the entrance to the pool being tapped off, and I instantly knew. Something inside my stomach dropped. I heard nothing and I saw nothing. I had to know. I couldn’t just stand there and wait for the news to be delivered to me. So when three police officers noticed me and demandingly told me I had to leave, I pushed past them and sprinted to the doors leading inside the pool. They were already opened, and I could see everything. The blood. All over the floor, coloring the water. And I could see her. Face down. Floating in the water. Her black hair sprawled out around her. Her favorite swimming suit still on. My ears were ringing and my heart was thumping so fast I started seeing black. I couldn’t hear anything. I felt cold hands gripping my arms, but I couldn’t move. It’s like I was there, but I wasn’t. My hearing only came back when I found myself screaming her name and trashing around in the firm hold of the officers, who were pulling me away from the scene.

“No! Stop!” I screamed, sobbing loudly as I tried to fight them off still, “That’s my best friend! I need to see her! I need to be there for her! Don’t you understand?!”

“Bring her to the ambulance, give her a sedative.” I heard one officer say and I started shaking my head as my body went slack and I could only cry.

“But Yerim—” Suddenly I felt myself being lifted in someone’s arms and I curled into the person, crying loudly.

“It will be alright, miss, cry as much as you need.” A man, with a comforting voice, said reassuringly as I was outside again, the rain still pouring hard. I felt us running until the rain wasn’t hitting me anymore and I was sat inside an ambulance.

“Please—” I whispered, grabbing the officer’s hand as he went to pull away, “Save her.”

I saw sorrow in his eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t, as if he understood something I refused to believe in, “We will try our best, miss. Can you promise me you’ll stay here?”

I nodded and wiped my tears away, but new ones came rushing down my cheeks. I was cold. My body was shaking. I hugged myself and curled up into a ball as I tried to comfort myself, but nothing could bring comfort right now. I started mumbling, it was okay. Everything was okay. That wasn’t Yerim. Yerim was playing a prank on me. Yerim was hiding in the locker room and laughing her ass off, because she loved drama and attention. Yes, that is what was happening.

“Miss—miss—” I jumped when someone touched me and I grumbled at them to stay away from me, “Can you tell me your name?”

I didn’t want to talk, but when they asked me again, I snapped at them, “Kang Y/N!”

“Thank you,” The lady had a very calm voice and I felt her touch me again but I pulled my arm away, once again, “Can you tell me how old you are?”

“Why are you asking me all these questions?!” I snapped again, raising my voice, “You’re supposed to help my friend! Go help her!”

“I’m supposed to help you, Miss Kang—”

“No, because I’m fine—”

“Y/N?!” A familiar voice asked from behind the doctor lady and my eyebrows furrowed when I looked past her and came to see Soonyoung. Why was he here? What was he doing here?

“What?” I whispered confused, glancing back at the doctor who was preparing an injection and I started shaking again, “What are you doing with that?!”

The doctor said nothing as she sighed and walked closer, making Soonyoung protest as well, “Young man, stay out of this unless you want to be sedated as well.”

“Sedated?!” I exclaimed and went to stand up, but suddenly someone from behind held me down and I just realized I wasn’t sitting alone in the ambulance. I started trashing around, trying to free myself as the doctor was now standing right in front of me and I started crying once again when she started feeling around for my vein.

“Please go help my friend—” The doctor shushed me and I whimpered when the needle entered my skin, the doctor injecting the sedative inside my body.

“She’s in shock,” I heard her say as my muscles slowly started to loosen, as if they weren’t listening to me anymore, “She started calming down but you triggered her again, I’m asking you to step back and let her be.”

I realized she was talking to Soonyoung as I was laid down on the stretcher inside the ambulance and the doctor checked my eyes before nodding at someone. I was covered by a blanket and I sniffed as I continued crying quietly, my body feeling numb all of a sudden.

“You should rest now; everything will be alright.” I heard someone saying to me as I felt my eyelids get heavy and I tried shaking my head and telling them that I needed to be next to Yerim, but my mouth wouldn’t move.

“Can you let me stay with her? I’m her friend, I also knew Yerim.” I heard Soonyoung saying before he climbed inside the ambulance. Knew Yerim? Why in past tense? Yerim was fine, what was he talking about? Why is he here?

“It’ll be fine, Y/N.” I felt a hand patting my wet hair as my mind was slowly losing consciousness, “Yerim was a strong girl, but too stubborn for her own good. I just couldn’t help it…”

Before my brain could comprehend Soonyoung’s words, everything became black and I fell into a state of unconsciousness. Did I lose my best friend?

           It was all so blurry. The past two weeks. Everything went by quickly, Yerim disappeared so suddenly. She was here, next to me, laughing and being excited about her up-coming tournament one moment, and the next…I watched her coffin being lowered into the cold, wet ground. I had no tears left to cry at her funeral, I could only watch with a blank stare as her coffin was slowly getting covered by the dirt, swallowing her forever, robbing her from me. I felt nothing. My skin was cold, I was shaking. It was a sunny day and everyone wore short sleeves, but I was wearing a long sleeve and a coat. I could hear the priest saying a prayer, Yerim’s mother weeping next to me and her husband gasping for air, but I couldn’t actually hear them. It was as if I was underwater. Yerim’s smiling framed picture, which I was clutching, was the only thing reminding me that I was at the funeral, present physically, but so far away mentally. Someone held my shoulder, but I couldn’t be bothered to check who it was, I just shook their touch off and stared blankly at Yerim’s tombstone. I read her name, her year of birth and day of death, and I broke. The priest had just finished talking, ceremony ended, when my body started shaking violently, sobs raking my whole being. My legs were weak, and my feet hurt from the high heels I only wore because Yerim loved them and complained I never wore them. The sun was suddenly so hot, the coat and long sleeve were suffocating me, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. Why did they kill her? What did she do? Why her? Why not me?! I knew my sobs turned into wailing and my feet gave up and suddenly, I was on my knees, clutching the framed picture to my chest and trying to find my breath, but my sobs wouldn’t let me. It hurt so much, my chest was in pain, it felt as if someone was trying to rip my heart out. Suddenly, I felt strong hands gripping me by the elbows as I was lifted up. My body was limp so I did not fight back when the person turned me around and cupped my cheeks. My mind was far gone from the present, from what was happening, but I’d recognize his hands anywhere, anytime. They were big, warm, and soft. Wonwoo’s thumb started rubbing my cheek reassuringly and I found strength to open my eyes, still sobbing. His face was emotionless, but his eyes were soft and I knew he felt powerless for not being able to support me. But I appreciated his presence here, he calmed me, the aching wasn’t as bad as before. I tried taking deep breaths, my sobbing coming to silently crying as I hoarsely apologized to Yerim’s parents for creating a scene right at the end of the funeral. They shook their heads and brushed it off, engulfing me in a big hug as Wonwoo stepped back, and they tried to cheer me up with reassuring words, but they only broke me more. They were so supportive and loving, they always let Yerim follow her dreams and encouraged her to become her better self. They did not deserve to lose their brilliant daughter in such an ill manner. When her parents let me go I bowed deeply to them and handed them her framed picture, making her mother cry again. Her father took it from me and then they turned their backs and slowly started walking away. I turned towards my mom and Wonwoo and nodded at them, ready to leave as well. I didn’t want to go yet, but I had to. I had to learn to live without my best friend. Without my other half. As we started walking away, my eyes fell on a figure dressed in all black, head hanging low. His blond hair made it easy to recognize him, it was Soonyoung. He was gazing absent mindedly at Yerim’s grave and my eyebrows furrowed as I watched him. He looked emotionless, something foreign to Soonyoung. His eyes seemed to be red, but he wasn’t crying. Suddenly, he took off towards the grave and before I could follow him with my eyes, Wonwoo squeezed my hand and asked me if I wanted to have some lunch his mother cooked. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to refuse. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch time. And my mother seemed to cheer up a little bit at the idea of seeing Mrs. Jeon, so I agreed to that lunch. And as my mother opened the door for me before going to the driver’s seat, I glanced back at Yerim’s grave and furrowed my eyebrows. We were far from it, but not so far that I couldn’t see Soonyoung’s face. And he was smiling. I felt goosebumps erupting on my skin as I quickly got inside the car, his words from when he sat with me in the ambulance as I was falling unconscious ringing through my mind, ‘I just couldn’t help it…’.

Everything was hard after the funeral. Time really went by fast and I found myself doing nothing but staring out of my head, reminiscing about all the memories I had with Yerim. We’ve been best friends since primary school. I had no other friends, nobody that could live up to her or to our bond. I had no one to talk to suddenly, no one to annoy and no one to listen to as they told their ridiculous stories. It was so hard. I couldn’t eat, some nights I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t focus in school or when I had to study. Wonwoo tried to help and studied with me for a hard test, but it did nothing as I failed it. The teachers were understanding and they weren’t pushing me too hard, but for how long would I have their pity? How long until they start calling me out and telling me to get a grip and move on? Sometimes, in the hallways, I would see Myoi Mina’s best friend and I understood. I understood the sorrow in her eyes, the way she wouldn’t even look at anyone else but the ground. How she’d jump at the tiniest sound and how she’d brush off anyone who tried to talk to her. I was like that too, although I was trying hard not to be, it just wasn’t working. A girl who knew Yerim tried to take her seat yesterday and I flipped and screamed at her horrendous things for trying to do so. I felt horrible after that, but it didn’t matter, I was sent to our school’s therapist. He didn’t do much, just gave me some tips on how to grieve, told me to contact him if I started feeling worse, and then sent me on my merry way. I was already feeling the worst, could this get any worse? Wonwoo was understanding, but I could see he was growing restless. He’d snap at me when I’d refuse hanging out with him for the fourth time that week, but he’d instantly apologize saying he understood and he was also dealing with grief. Yerim and him weren’t very close, but they spent a lot of time together because of me, of course he was grieving too. However, Soonyoung was nowhere to be found. Some say his parents took him away on a retreat after he snapped at his younger sister at home, Wonwoo wouldn’t talk about him when asked. It was strange. Their behavior. Wonwoo would become tense when anyone mentioned the killer but when I’d ask if everything was alright he’d become defensive and say he was just stressed.

Tonight was one of those nights when I was restless and couldn’t stay at home anymore, so I went for a walk. My mom was cooking dinner and after playing with Byeol, I grabbed my coat and told my mom I’d be taking a walk in the neighborhood. She asked me to be home in half an hour as it was getting dark and rainy clouds started gathering on the sky. I missed Yerim a lot, and I couldn’t help but think about how excited she’d get whenever it rained. One summer we went down to the lake and it started raining hard, but despite that, Yerim still went and swum in the lake, splashing me repeatedly, making me go in with her despite being scared. Without meaning to, I found myself walking by Yerim’s house. I glanced up at her window, but of course the light wasn’t on. Of course it wouldn’t be on, why would it be? Yerim wasn’t there studying. I wished she was so that I could convince her to hang out with me and Byeol, but she wasn’t here with us anymore. The front door to their house opened and I smiled when I saw her father walking down the porch stairs. He looked up and spotted me, waving at me, as he was headed towards me.

“Good evening, Mr. Kim.” I greeted him and he smiled, opening the gate for me.

“Hello there, Y/N. What brings you here?” His eyes had always reminded me of Yerim’s, and their laughter was the same.

“I was taking a walk in the neighborhood, and found myself wandering here…” Yerim’s father’s face seemed to lose the little happiness he displayed and he sighed, glancing back, up at Yerim’s window.

“I understand, sometimes I find myself walking up to her room in the mornings, wanting to wake her up…” I bit my lower lip and Mr. Kim sighed before looking back at me, “Would you like to come inside? My wife baked those muffins you two girls really like.”

I found myself smiling, Mrs. Kim’s chocolate muffins were the best, whenever she baked them, Yerim and I would devour them in an hour, “If I’m not bothering too much…”

“Non-sense, child.” Mr. Kim laughed and stepped aside, allowing me inside their property. I bowed my head a little at him and walked through the gate, “I’m headed to the supermarket, want anything?”

“No, thank you, Mr. Kim!” He nodded and patted my head before he left through the gate, walking down the street, headed for the closest supermarket. Mr. Kim had always been the father figure I never had. He had also always treated me as his daughter. He was the one who taught me how to swim and how to ride a bicycle as my mother was too busy at the hospital. My parents divorced when I was really young and my father disappeared after that despite promising to come by sometimes and pay for the allowance. I shook my head at the thought of my absent father and walked up to the front door, knocking on it before walking inside. There was some jazz music playing quietly in the background as the delicious muffin smell wafted through the air. I took off my shoes and coat, and walked towards the kitchen, knocking on the door, realizing Mrs. Kim didn’t hear me entering.

“Oh, you’re back—Y/N!” A wide smile spread on Mrs. Kim’s face when she saw me and she rushed up to me, hugging me tightly, “How lovely you stepped by! We haven’t seen you since—”

Since the funeral, “Right, I was out for a walk and found myself passing by. Mr. Kim and I just happened to run into each other, he invited me inside.”

“How smart of him,” Mrs. Kim chuckled; however you could see she wasn’t feeling as giddy as she was acting, “I just happened to bake your favorite chocolate muffins.”

And Yerim’s. I smiled gratefully at Mrs. Kim as she handed me two chocolate muffins, which were still warm, “Thank you.”

“I will pack some for you to take home. I baked too much either way, my husband and I don’t have a sweet tooth, I just missed the smell of it. Your mother loves them too, she’ll be happy for the small gift.” Yerim might’ve looked like his father, but she talked just as much as her mother. When you’d sit down with the two of them and listen to their stories, time would fly by and you wouldn’t even notice. They had a very captivating way of speaking, conversing with them never felt awkward or boring.

“Thank you, she will probably give you a call when she gets them.” I said with a chuckle and Mrs. Kim smiled.

“As she should, we haven’t talked in a while…” Since Yerim’s funeral, but she didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to say it either. It felt nice being in their home after two weeks. I always felt so welcomed here. The house was bright and homey, Yerim and Mrs. Kim having decorated it in an eccentric way, which would sometimes give Mr. Kim a headache. I looked behind me and glanced at the stair leading upstairs as Mrs. Kim placed some muffins in a smaller bag. She turned back and noticed me staring back at the stairs.

“You can go up, if you want to—Yerim wouldn’t mind it, I know.” Mrs. Kim spoke up and I nodded at her gratefully, placing the muffins I was holding on the table, before hurrying up the stairs and beelining it for her room. I hesitated for a second before opening the door, preparing myself for her absence, but it still hit me hard when I opened the door to darkness. I gulped and turned on the light, blinking away the tears which suddenly sprung to my eyes. Her room was the same, messy but not exactly. Her closet door was slightly opened and I could see her pink hoodie spilling out and I chuckled as I walked over and grabbed it. I always told her to just hang her hoodies up, but she never listened to me. As I held it in my hands, Yerim’s sweet scent hit my nose and I bit my lower lip, taking a deep breath. I placed her hoodie on the bed and pulled my long sleeve over my head before pulling her hoodie on and closing my eyes. My skin got covered in goosebumps as I imagined Yerim sitting in her chair and complaining about me wearing her favorite hoodie, but secretly not being bothered by it at all. We always shared our clothes when we’d have sleepovers, even tried them on and did a fake fashion show or acted as if had to sell them to each other at ridiculous prices. The hoodie’s fabric slowly warmed up and I opened my eyes, looking around her room. Her parents haven’t touched anything and I was reluctant to do so too, so I sat down on her bed and started playing with my fingers. The book I recommended to her to read was on her desk, bookmark somewhere at the middle of the book. She never got to read the mind-blowing plot twist, it made me sad, she would’ve loved it so much. Feeling a bit stuffy, I stood up and opened the window before going back to her bed and jumping on it, sprawling out on it. Yerim’s bed was always so comfortable, her blanket puffy, and bed covered in stuffed animals. I turned onto my stomach and started humming my favorite song as I stared up at the pictures above her bed, smiling as most were with the two of us. Our favorite pictures or just really silly ones. Yerim had big dreams compared to me, I was still struggling to decide what to do after high-school. My eyes went to her nightstand and I grinned when I noticed her favorite strawberry candy laying in her jar. It was the last one. I would always steal it, so I did just that. Hopefully, wherever Yerim was, she could see me right now and she’d be frowning and shaking her head at me. I loved annoying her like that. I unwrapped the candy and slowly ate it, chuckling at myself and how silly I must look. As I threw the wrapper on the nightstand, my eyes widened when I noticed her phone next to her lamp. Her parents must’ve placed it there. It surprised me for some reason, and as I reached for it and grabbed it, a twig snapped outside Yerim’s window and something hit the window. I gasped loudly and turned around, coming face to face with Soonyoung, as he had just climbed inside. I quickly placed Yerim’s phone in the hoodie’s pocket, something told me to hide it from Soonyoung.

“What are you doing here?!” I asked alarmed, heart beating fast from the scare. Soonyoung looked around before leaning against Yerim’s desk.

“I was running and saw light coming from her room—”

“So you just climb inside?!” I asked accusingly and Soonyoung shook his head.

“No, I didn’t meant to, but I saw it was you and—” He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, “I don’t know…I just felt the need to talk to you.”

It made me realize this was the first time seeing him since Yerim’s funeral. And based on rumors, he wasn’t even supposed to be home.

“Are you okay? I haven’t seen you in school and Wonwoo wouldn’t talk about you.” I asked and Soonyoung looked up with a cold gaze, he looked tired.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was visiting my grandparents for a week, and I didn’t feel like going to school this week, so yeah.” Soonyoung explained and I nodded, taking in his posture. His shoulders were slumped and his forehead sweaty. He was out running, after all.

“And you?” Soonyoung cleared his throat, “Are you good?”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking through my answer, “On some days I’m good, on some days I can’t eat nor sleep. I’m feeling content at the moment, but maybe that’s because we’re standing in Yerim’s room and I’m wearing her hoodie and I can just trick myself into believing that she’s downstairs with her mom or taking a shower…”

Soonyoung nodded and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at the hoodie I was wearing, “That was her favorite.” I hummed and he licked his lips, starting to shake his head suddenly.

“You know—if only—” He scoffed and his eyebrows furrowed, “If only she wasn’t so stubborn. She just—she always refused to go out with me, never even gave me a chance. I tried to convince her so many times, you know, I was patient and nice, but—”

I watched as Soonyoung grew agitated and started walking up and down, “But I just couldn’t do it anymore, you know? It’s like, my brain just clicked and I snapped and—”

I was growing confused as I listened to Soonyoung rambling, what did he mean? Snapped and what?, “You snapped and what, Soonyoung?”

“I didn’t want to do it, I swear.” His voice grew low and when he stopped and faced me, he looked different. His expression was dark and his mouth was in a sneer. I gulped and stood up, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. Soonyoung didn’t seem to notice my discomfort as he hung his head low and sighed loudly.

“I just couldn’t help it…” I gasped. Those words again. What did he mean by them? He didn’t…no. This is Soonyoung, it’s impossible. He couldn’t have…no. He’s my boyfriend’s best friend, he’d never—he’s not a criminal!

“We should go.” I found my voice as I shook my head, growing afraid all of a sudden. Soonyoung was acting weird and I had to go home now. My words seemed to snap him out of his mumbling and he suddenly looked at me, face void of the previous darkness.

“You’re right…” He nodded and patted my shoulder, offering me a small smile, “Don’t tell her parents I climbed in though, I don’t want them to believe I did this often.”

I forced out a chuckle and watched as he climbed out the window and then jumped down, sneaking away from the Kim’s property. My heart was beating like crazy as I closed Yerim’s window and I clutched her phone firmly in my hand as I turned the light off and closed the door behind me. I always refused to listen to what Yerim has always told me, but maybe, just perhaps, there was something very wrong with Soonyoung.

           Today the sun seemed to finally come out, no rain clouds seemed to appear anytime soon. It was warm for an October day and I found myself sitting in the courtyard, drawing in my notebook to pass time. I wasn’t hungry, so it was useless to go to the Cafeteria. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so when this morning Wonwoo approached me and suggested going on a date after classes, I declined and told him I had to do some catching up in Biology class as I skipped the last two classes having felt unwell. He got moody and stormed off without a word, making me sigh. I was pushing away everyone from myself, but I didn’t know how else to cope with the loss of my best friend. It was the only thing that made me feel content. I drew some harsh lines, trying to create the skyline in my drawing, when I saw someone approaching from the corner of my eyes. I didn’t look up, thinking it was either Wonwoo or Soonyoung, but the girly scent which hit my nose once the person sat next to me on the bench made me turn my head and look at them. It came as a surprise to see Minatozaki Sana sitting next to me, Mina’s best friend. Her blonde hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a sleeveless turtleneck underneath her cardigan. She looked better than on most days, but her eyes were quite empty. She was staring at me too and I blinked at her in confusion. We never really talked to each other; she was in an entirely different grade than I was.

“Hello.” She broke the silence and I cleared my throat.

“Hi.” I greeted back and looked down at her hand curiously as she extended it towards me.

“My name is Sana; we’ve never been formally introduced to each other.” She seemed like a very straightforward person. I nodded and shook her hand.

“Indeed, my name is Y/N.” Sana hummed and we let go of each other’s hands, “I’m sorry for you loss.”

“I’m sorry for your loss too.” Sana was quick to return my words and I chuckled humorlessly, bringing a sarcastic smile on her lips. She nodded at me and then turned away, gazing at the trees on the other side of the courtyard. I continued watching her, thinking she’d say something else, but she remained silent, even ignored me. Realizing our conversation ended here I shrugged and looked down at my drawing, continuing to draw those harsh lines. And like that, we sat in silence next to each other. Sana proceeded to take out a book and read, and in a weird way, it brought comfort to have someone sitting next to me. But it was weird, if it were Wonwoo or Soonyoung, they would’ve irritated me. Sana’s presence was relaxing, understanding. Words didn’t need to be exchanged, we understood. Our silence was louder than our words could’ve been. I found myself smiling, something I haven’t done in the past four weeks. I glanced at Sana from the corner of my eyes and she was smiling too, sneaking glances at me. Before we could say anything, we both started giggling and it felt so nice. It was so relieving, as if I released all the pent-up stress I had in my muscles.

“We must look so odd to someone if they have been watching us for the past fifteen minutes.” Sana said through her giggles and I shrugged my shoulders.

“That’s the nicest thing someone could be thinking about us at the moment.” I said and Sana nodded, our giggles coming to a stop. Neither of us had to say it, but after Mina’s death there were whispers about Sana. How she killed her best friend because she was jealous of Mina’s success as she was the cheerleading captain and just wanted her position. How they weren’t even friends and kept a façade because their families were friends. Some rumors spread about Sana being in love with Mina, who didn’t reciprocate her feelings, so Sana killed her in a fit of rage. They were awful. And as the students were gossiping about Mina, they were gossiping about me too. I heard the jealousy version too, the need for attention version too, and even the version where Yerim was in love with Wonwoo and I killed her because I couldn’t stand the thought. They were hilarious, but they still got to you after a while. Just last week, Wonwoo almost got into a fight because of a guy who dared to ask me how it felt plunging that knife into Yerim. If Wonwoo wouldn’t have punched the living daylight out of him, I would’ve definitely.

“Don’t let the gossips get to you, they are ridiculous.” Sana said with a roll of her eyes and I nodded, agreeing.

“I know, but they still get bothersome after a while…” I muttered and closed my notebook as the bell rang, signaling our break was over. Sana looked up at the sky for a second and then closed her book, placing it in her backpack.

“You could always just slap them, you know.” She said with a mischievous smile and I chuckled.

“Have you slapped anyone so far?” I asked and Sana pursed her lips.

“Of course, I have,” She stood up, “Johnny thought it was funny talking about my dead friend’s figure and how pitiful it was that he couldn’t sleep with her before she died.”

I didn’t know who this Johnny was, but he deserved that slap, “How disgusting.”

“Indeed.” Sana hummed and waited for me to pack my belongings and get up from the bench. We took off, headed to the side entrance to the school, when suddenly, the intercom went off and our principal’s voice came through.

“This is the principal speaking. I ask everyone to pack their belongings and head straight to the main entrance. All students have fifteen minutes to leave the premises, a dead body was found in the men’s bathroom on the third floor. I instruct everyone to leave right now, and do not try and approach said bathroom or there will be repercussions!” Sana and I stopped dead in our tracks and looked at each other before hurrying inside the school, you could only leave through the main entrance. The halls were full of students rushing to get out, it was chaotic. Everyone was pushing everyone around and I found myself reaching for Sana’s hand, keeping her close to me as a bigger guy almost ran into her. She thanked me quietly and we continued making our way towards the main entrance. My heart was racing and suddenly I was feeling sick. Another victim. Another crime. Who was it this time? And just as that thought crossed my mind, I suddenly felt my legs turn weak. Wonwoo. Where was Wonwoo? Soonyoung? Where were they? Were they fine? I couldn’t do this again. I felt like I was walking through water again, the entrance was just there, but it felt so far away. I felt Sana tugging on my hand and I followed her, trying to control my rigged breathing.

“Hey, look at me.” She said once we were outside and she pulled me to the side of the steps, “Breathe, Y/N, you’re turning red.”

I nodded and tried to take a deep breath, but my muscles were tense and I felt tears gather in my eyes, “Where’s Wonwoo?”

An understanding look crossed Sana’s face and she started looking around, “I am sure he is alright; he’s probably looking for you right now, just as scared. You need to breathe, Y/N.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling Sana’s grip tightening on my hand, and I tried to breathe. It was hard at the beginning, my lungs seemed to refuse to listen, but at last I was able to take little breaths here and there. Before I could react to the disappearance of Sana’s grip, I was engulfed into a bear hug, held tightly to someone’s chest. I gasped and opened my eyes, my arms going around Wonwoo’s neck.

“Oh my God, you’re okay.” I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek. Wonwoo’s breathing was shaky as well and he nodded, his hold crushing me.

“Yes, yes.” He whispered and kissed my head, “Are you hurt?”

“No.” I muttered and shook my head, pulling a bit back. Wonwoo’s eyebrows were furrowed and he was breathing hard, his hair fell into his eyes. I pushed it back and smiled at him, grateful that nothing happened to him. I really wouldn’t have been able to deal with losing him too in such a sort time after Yerim’s death. I leaned up and pressed a short kiss against his lips and I could feel Wonwoo’s muscles relaxing, his hold not tight anymore.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all break.” Wonwoo muttered, pushing my hair behind my ear.

“In the courtyard, I wasn’t hungry.” I answered and then looked down, “Sorry, I should’ve told you.”

Wonwoo shook his head and kissed my forehead swiftly, “No, it’s alright.”

I realized Sana was with me seconds ago and looked around, spotting her to our right, “Thank you.”

She smiled and nodded her head before she placed her backpack around her shoulders and started walking away. Wonwoo nodded at her and Sana greeted him back before disappearing in the crowd of people.

“You know her?” He asked quietly, almost sounding irritated.

“Not really, we talked for the first time today. But I knew who she was.” I explained and he nodded, looking off in the distance.

“You shouldn’t be friends with her.” Wonwoo sounded serious as his expression hardened and I stepped out of his hold, confused.

“Why?” But before he could answer me, Soonyoung came running up to us. His hair was disheveled and he was panting, a duffel bag in his hands. My eyebrows furrowed and I stepped back when he stopped next to me a little bit too close for my liking. I’ve been avoiding him since we met in Yerim’s room, scared of his sudden changes of mood. Soonyoung had a crazed look in his eyes and he was grinning from ear to ear as he looked at Wonwoo.

“Did you hear? The murderer killed someone again.” He sounded excited and my eyebrows furrowed when I saw Wonwoo’s lips twitching.

“Who was it this time?” Wonwoo asked, voice uncaring, but I didn’t miss the hint of smirk on his lips. I gulped, curious too, but a bit taken aback by the boys attitudes.

“Boo Seungkwan.” I gasped and took a step back again, eyes widening. I knew him. The two boys looked at me with raised eyebrows. I gulped and avoided their eyes, feeling uncomfortable.

“Are you sure?” I asked quietly, feeling a lump in my throat.

“One hundred percent, Y/N,” Soonyoung chuckled and he went and slung his arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders, “I was the one who found him.”

My head snapped up and I watched the two boys in front of me as they looked at each other and chuckled, and then my eyes fell on the duffle bag. It was zipped closed, but…it looked as if there was a darker spot on it. I squinted as I tried focusing on it, but Wonwoo’s voice caught my attention.

“Didn’t you know him, sugar?” He asked sweetly and I nodded, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah, I did, he—” I cleared my throat and scratched my arm in discomfort, “He’s been bullying me since kindergarten.”

“He must’ve had a crush on you, right, Wonwoo?” Soonyoung asked with a laugh and I grimaced, weirded out by their behavior and feeling bad for talking like that about a dead person.

“Well, he’s been put out of his misery, so, I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.” Wonwoo’s voice was smug and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at my boyfriend, who seemed amused by the whole situation. What was happening? Why were they reacting like this? Wasn’t Soonyoung supposed to be shaken up after finding a dead body? I shuddered, and Wonwoo noticed because his demeanor changed instantly and he shook Soonyoung off him and took a step toward me.

“Y/N, I’m—”

“I have to go.” I cut him off and hurried away before he could grab me and convince me to stay with the two of them. I glanced back when I was a good distance away from them and saw Soonyoung making some slashing motions with his hand while laughing and Wonwoo smirking at him as he dug his hands inside his pockets. There was something very wrong with Soonyoung, and I was getting more and more scared of him.  

           Despite the sun being out throughout the day, by the evening some dark clouds started gathering on the sky, lightning flashing in the distance. I sighed as I drew my curtains to the side and opened the window, letting some fresh air in before the rain could start. I figured we’d have another stormy night, great, my mom had the night shift again, I hated being home alone during storms. I could hear Byeol running up and down the hallway as I sat on my bed and I chuckled, she had the zoomies again. I was holding Yerim’s phone in my hands and I figured I couldn’t do much damage if I looked through her gallery. Before leaving the Kim’s house I asked if it was alright if I borrowed her phone for a while, and they said it was okay as long as I returned it. So, pulling my hair to the side I unlocked her phone and went to her gallery. She was very organized, even when it came to pictures. There were different folders for different themes, all labeled accordingly. I clicked on the one with our nicknames for each other and giggled at the first photo. It was taken when Yerim and I went to the movies and I accidentally got stuck in the bathroom as the lock was faulty. You could see my hands from above the stall and I remembered how loudly I was screaming as I had left my phone with Yerim. It was hilarious, but I prefer not repeating the incident. Then the next one was with her neighbor’s dog; she took a selfie as we both were petting it. Then there were a bunch of hilarious and cute selfies from our latest sleepover, a few pictures of Byeol, and our favorite picture which we took while hiking one day. I sighed and looked out the window, just in time to see the lightning strike again. The thunder followed almost immediately, but it wasn’t as loud as I expected it to be. I looked back down at Yerim’s phone and excited her camera roll, about to place her phone to the side, when Byeol came zooming inside my room, scaring the living daylight out of me. I yelped and watched as she stopped underneath my window before she jumped up on the sill, looking at me innocently. I grimaced at her and looked back down at the phone, having accidentally opened the call log. My eyes ran over the familiar names of people, mine being the last one. I was the last person Yerim called before she died. A lump formed in my throat and I gulped, noticing the unknown number underneath mine. Who could that have been? Maybe a scammer or a guy she newly met, however I doubted that was the case, she always saved the numbers she was talking to. Biting my lower lip, I debated calling the unknown number, but after all, I had nothing to lose. And curiosity was eating my alive. So, I clicked on the number and dialed it, waiting patiently for the person on the other side to pick up. However, a ringing sound not too far away from my window suddenly caught my attention and I knew I wasn’t hallucinating as Byeol’s ears perked up at the sound too. But before I could think more of it, my call was picked up, but there was only silence on the other end. My eyebrows furrowed as I stood from my bed and walked towards Byeol, lightly petting her head as I looked out my window.

“Hello?” I asked quietly, getting a strange feeling of being watched, so I closed the window and locked it quickly.

“Hi there, beautiful.” I jumped at the distorted voice. It sounded like a robot speaking, the voice was low but almost glitchy. I looked out the window, wondering who was this and why had they called Yerim?

“Who are you?” I asked curiously, figuring it was just someone playing a prank on me.

“Wouldn’t it be boring if I told you that?” The voice almost took a playful tone and I chuckled.

“Perhaps, it would ruin your fun too soon, right?” I decided to play along and the person chuckled.

“Smart girl, indeed, it would ruin my fun too soon.” There was a pause before they continued, “And I’m not done having fun yet.”

I hummed and started petting Byeol’s head again as she was staring out the window, “Why did you call Yerim?”

“I was just about to ask; how do you have your dead friend’s phone?” I paused for a second, eyebrows furrowing. So this person seems to know us well. First, they probably called Yerim and were pranking her and now they are playing with me. It’s probably one of our classmates then, Mark likes goofing around.

“You must know us well if you have her number.” I decided to feel around and try and find out who this was.

“Oh,” The person chuckled and it sent a chill down my spine, “I happen to know you very well, Y/N.”

I licked my lips and looked down at Byeol as she pulled her head away, having had enough of my petting, “Really? How?”

The person chuckled again and I watched as Byeol jumped down from the window sill and walked out of my room, “I can’t tell you all of my secrets just yet, beautiful, it’s our first time talking.”

“I don’t think it is,” I chuckled, “Mark.”

There was a pause before the person sighed, “Who’s Mark, beautiful?”

I rolled my eyes, amused, “Ha-ha, very funny. My classmate, obvious. You really like playing pranks on people, don’t you? I thought last week’s detention was enough for a lifetime.”

“What if I’m not Mark?” The voice sounded very serious all of a sudden and I bit my lower lip, tracing a rain drop on my window as it started lightly raining.

“Then who could you possibly be?” There was another lightning and I turned around when Byeol started meowing loudly in my doorway. She was hungry, again, “I’m bored of this game—”

I turned to face the window again but instead of finishing my sentence, I cut myself off with a loud scream. A masked person was standing outside my window, and I started shaking as I froze for a second. It was…a Ghostface.

“Auch, beautiful, that was loud.” The Ghostface whined and I quickly drew the curtains closed, pulling down the blinds too, “What are you doing? Let me see you—”

“Who are you?!” I cut the person off, almost screaming as I ran out of my room, Byeol following agitatedly behind me. I checked the front door quickly, making sure it was locked before I went to check the door in the living room as well.

“Just a Ghostface, beautiful.” The person answered nonchalantly and my heart started beating fast as I hid behind the sofa, pulling Byeol into my chest. She made no sound as she gazed at me with her big green eyes.

“Stop calling me beautiful!” I snapped and tried to take deep breaths, debating on calling the police from my own phone. Who was this? What did they want? Were they…were they here to hurt me? What if…what if they were the killer? I felt dread flush over my whole being and I swallowed my tears and blinked my eyes continuously. I had to stay focused, if I was in danger, I had to save myself somehow.

“Did I scare you, beau—”

“Did you kill Kim Yerim?” I cut the Ghostface off, voice shaky as I waited for an answer. The person’s laughter made me shudder and Byeol wrestled herself out of my arms and meowed loudly at me for holding her so tightly. I felt sorry, but I was scared, and I was trying to hold her close to myself in case we needed to escape.

“Maybe I did.” There was a pause and I gasped, “Maybe I didn’t.”

I sprung up to my feet, acting out of pure terror, as I ran up to my room and grabbed my phone. I was too scared to look out of my window to see if the person was still there. There was a loud thunder and I screamed as the line went dead, leaving me shaking. Was the Ghostface gone? Shakily, I placed Yerim’s phone on my desk and slowly raised the blinds, scared of seeing the Ghostface outside of my window still. But nobody was there. I was scared, shaking, and on the verge of crying. Byeol was downstairs and the rain started falling harder. I couldn’t stay alone tonight; it would kill my nerves. So I quickly unlocked my phone and dialed my boyfriend’s number, pacing up and down in my room as I waited for him to pick up. Something rustled outside of my window and I froze when I faintly heard Wonwoo’s familiar ringtone, but the thunder swallowing the sound was louder and it made me feel stupid. Why would Wonwoo be right outside my window unannounced either way? What was he? A burglar? Wonwoo picked up on the third ring.

“Hi—”

“Can you sleepover tonight?” I cut him off, words hurried as I fixed my eyes on my window, starting to shake again.

“Are you alright?” Wonwoo sounded concerned and I heard rustling on the other end.

“No, are you coming over?”

“I’m on my way.” Wonwoo said before hanging up and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. This was good. I wouldn’t be alone. Wonwoo would come by and sleep here. I took deep breaths as I paced around my room, Byeol sat in the doorway and watched me with a confused look on her face. I chuckled when I looked at her and tried not to think about the Ghostface and our conversation. It freaked me out. Who was behind the mask? And why would they want to prank anyone in this kind of way? It was distasteful and creepy, I was scared. Just as Byeol meowed she reminded that I forgot to feed her, the doorbell rang. I paused and looked at Byeol, my heart suddenly racing again. Who was that? Wonwoo lived twenty minutes away from me and it wasn’t even five minutes since I had called him, it couldn’t have been him. Was it…the person wearing that Ghostface mask? My heart started beating fast again and I glanced at Byeol as she started meowing loudly and took off towards the front door. The doorbell rang again and I hurried after my cat, calling out her name quietly.

“Stop!” I whisper-shouted, motioning at her to come to me, but she was ignoring me. Her meows were loud and I cursed quietly as I creeped towards the front door, convinced that it wasn’t Wonwoo, but that masked person. I should call the police. Suddenly there was loud knocking on the front door and I jumped as Byeol glanced at me.

“Y/N?!” Wonwoo’s deep voice made me sigh in relief as I quickly unlocked the front door and opened it for him. His hair was drenched and his jacket and jeans were wet too, it was pouring outside now. Byeol started meowing as Wonwoo stepped inside and he smiled at her, kneeling down to muzzle his face against her head. Byeol loved Wonwoo and they always played together a lot when Wonwoo came over. But…how did he get here so fast?

“Wonwoo—you’re drenched.” I muttered suspiciously as I helped him out of his jacket. He suddenly looked at me with a wide smile, ruffling his hair.

“Yeah, I was on my way here when the rain started.” He said with a shrug and I hung his jacket on the hanger.

“But you got here really fast…” I trailed off and watched him take off his shoes before he gave Byeol a swift kiss.

“Oh, yeah, I was already on my way—”

“Why?” I asked accusingly, eyebrows furrowed, and arms crossed in front of my chest. There were too many weird things happening today, I was freaked out. I couldn’t decide if my thoughts were real or I was being delusional. Could I seriously not trust my own boyfriend anymore? But he gave me no reasons…

Wonwoo looked taken aback by my tone and words, “Uhm…I just wanted to surprise you? You told me your mom was working the nightshift and I know you hate storms…”

He was right, I was overreacting, “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry—it’s just, lately I’m so jumpy.”

Wonwoo smiled and approached me, cupping my cheeks, “I noticed, but it’s fine. Things will get better eventually.”

I nodded and kissed his lips, their warmth bringing a sense of tranquility as I stepped closer to him. Wonwoo’s grip got firmer and our lips started moving against each other as I circled my arms around his neck, his wet hair tingling my wrists. One of his hand’s gripped my waist, and I hummed when his familiar scent hit my nose. It felt nice kissing him, I’ve been keeping my distance from Wonwoo, feeling uncomfortable lately with any physical contact besides a brief hug. And this felt nice now. His familiar lips, and firm grip, musky scent, I realized I had missed them. Byeol’s loud meowing broke us apart and I chuckled as I pressed another kiss against Wonwoo’s lips.

“Poor cat, she’s hungry…can you feed her while I bring you a towel?” I asked and Wonwoo nodded with a smile, releasing me from his hold as I turned and headed to the bathroom. Byeol followed Wonwoo as they headed into the kitchen and I could hear him pouring the cat food into her little bowl. I got a clean towel and then walked to the kitchen, handing it to Wonwoo.

“Do you want tea or hot chocolate?” I asked with a grin as I grabbed two mugs. Wonwoo pursed his lips and pulled out his glasses from the pocket of his hoodie.

“It’s a hot chocolate kind of night.”

“Right?!” I asked with a chuckle and he nodded at me amused.

“Do you still have my spare clothes?’ Wonwoo asked and I chuckled as I glanced back at him.

“What do you think?” He smirked at me and pushed up his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose, “They are in the laundry room.”

Wonwoo thanked me and then walked away, leaving me with Byeol in the kitchen. While she quietly ate her food I prepared the hot chocolate for Wonwoo and I. He took his time to change out of his wet clothes and dried his hair with the towel as best as he could. When he joined us in the kitchen again, the hot chocolate were already ready and Byeol was somewhere off in the house, probably sleeping as she had just eaten. I handed Wonwoo a mug as he approached me and he thanked me with his signature gummy smile. I had always loved his smile, it made him look so cute. It was a nice contrast compared to his usual poker face. Wonwoo wasn’t very expressive usually, but when it was just the two of us, he could be very cute. He interlaced our fingers as we drank our hot chocolate and I giggled, raising my eyebrows at him.

“I missed you.” He whispered, looking down at his mug. I bit my lower lip and felt bad for pushing him away for so long, but I needed the space. I still do, but it’s not as bad as after the funeral.

“I’m sorry, I just felt uncomfortable around people after…” I trailed off and sighed, taking a sip of my hot chocolate. Wonwoo squeezed my hand.

“I understand you, and I’m not pressuring you in any way. It must hurt like hell losing your best friend.” I gulped a bit harder and glanced at Wonwoo briefly, noticing the change in his behavior. There it was again, the ghost of a smirk on his lips. It was confusing.

“Yeah, it hurts a lot. I hope the criminal is caught soon so that I can face them—”

“And what would you do?” Wonwoo sounded curious as he turned his body to face mine. I raised an eyebrow at him as I shrugged.

“That they are a piece of shit and I hope they rot away in prison until they get to root in hell.” Despite me being dead serious, Wonwoo started laughing and I pulled my hand out of his, slightly irritated.

“You’re hot when you get fired up, sugar.” Normally his compliments would leave me feeling giddy, but we were talking about the murderer of my best friend right now, there was nothing hot about it.

I shot Wonwoo a glare before walking to the sink to wash my mug, “I thought we were having a serious conversation, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo sighed and approached me, still sipping his hot chocolate, “Come on, I was just joking—”

“Well it’s not funny!” I snapped, looking at him, “Yerim was murdered and you’re telling me I’m hot when I talk about her murderer?!”

“No, that’s not hot, I was just saying you are—nevermind, I’m not in the mood to fight. You’ve been ignoring me for three weeks and when we finally get to spend some time together you’re just getting angry at me.” Wonwoo sounded accusing as he placed the mug forcefully in the sink and I rolled my eyes.

“What did you expect me to do? Jump in your arms the day after my friend’s funeral—”

“You didn’t have to push me away!” His voice raised and I turned to wash his mug too, hating it when he started getting loud while arguing, “I get that you don’t let me touch you, but you wouldn’t even speak to me, Y/N! If I knew you’d be like this I wouldn’t have let Soonyoung—”

I paused, turning to look at Wonwoo. He seemed speechless as he stared at me wide eyed, shaking his head. I turned off the water and faced him.

“What the hell are you even saying?” I asked confused, trying to comprehend his words but I didn’t understand what he was talking about. What had Soonyoung to do with our argument right now? What did he do?

“Nothing, I’m just—” Wonwoo shrugged and took a deep breath, composing himself, “I just missed you, that’s it. I hate arguing with you, you know that.”

“Yeah, well,” I scoffed and dried my hands in a towel, “I wouldn’t be arguing with you if you tried to understand my feelings—”

“I do understand.” He cut me off and my jaw clenched as I gave him a glare.

“I don’t feel it, but whatever, do you want to watch a movie or what?” Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to watch anything, I just wanted to go to sleep, but I knew Wonwoo would bother me until I wasn’t grumpy.

“Do you want to watch one?” Wonwoo asked with a sigh, knowing that our previous conversation was over.

“No.” I muttered and he looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” I nodded wordlessly and he pulled me into a hug, making me roll my eyes. I didn’t want to be hugged right now, but I didn’t push him away, just didn’t reciprocate the hug, “It’s still early to go to sleep.”

It wasn’t that early, but he was right, I would wake up during the night, probably, “Whatever, I want to go to bed.”

He groaned and suddenly I felt his hands gripping my thighs as I was hauled up, I yelped and grabbed onto him, “What are you doing?!”

Wonwoo said nothing as he took off and headed up the stairs, towards my room. He pushed the door open with his foot and walked towards my bed, before I could ask him to let me down, he fell forward, crushing me against the bed with his weight. I groaned as my bed’s mattress wasn’t soft.

“Wonwoo…” I muttered with a glare, grabbing his shoulders to push him off. He whined and didn’t move as he nuzzled his head in my neck, “You’re too heavy.”

“And you’re too grumpy.” He muttered and I slapped his shoulder, making him chuckle. I wanted him off, but he wasn’t budging. Before I could interject, he started pressing kisses against my neck, knowing well I was ticklish there, but I tried to keep my laughter in as I tried wrestling out from underneath him. Wonwoo was having the time of his life as he started laughing and tickling my sides too, making me cry out in despair as I hated being tickled.

“Stop! Wonwoo!” I tried to push his hands away, but it was futile. Wonwoo was giggling and quickly kissed my lips before he finally stopped tickling me, smiling at me mischievously. I glared at him and as I went to smack his arm, Byeol decided to join us as she jumped up on Wonwoo’s back. I started laughing as Wonwoo hissed, Byeol’s nails dug into his back, he deserved it after torturing me here.

“Hey, Byeol!” Wonwoo started shaking his back, trying to get my cat off of him, but it wasn’t working, so I started poking her, trying to get her off his back. And it worked, because Byeol jumped off and Wonwoo finally got off of me as well to start playing with my cat. He got on the floor and started pushing her lightly around, making Byeol land on her side as she started turning around, attacking Wonwoo’s fingers and jumping on his hand. I chuckled and left the two to play as I went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. I was too tired to shower, so I tried to be quick and when I walked back inside my room, Wonwoo and Byeol were still playing. I poked Byeol to rile her up more and she lunged for Wonwoo’s hand, making him hiss as I plugged in my phone. I looked at him and Wonwoo was glaring at Byeol.

“Did she scratch you?” I asked as Wonwoo got up and sat on my bed.

“Yeah.” He nodded and showed me his hand, two long, red, scratches decorating his hand. I pouted at him mockingly and kissed the scratches before laying down in my bed and pulling the blanket over my body.

“Don’t worry, soldier, those scratches won’t kill you for now.” I said mockingly and Wonwoo rolled his eyes, pulling the blanket over my head, but I managed to punch his bicep, making him groan. I giggled and pulled the blanket off, sticking my tongue out at him, “Are you coming to bed?”

“Nah,” Wonwoo stood and walked to my computer, “I want to play COD before I go to sleep.”

“Fine,” I muttered and closed my eyes, “but don’t stay up until late and check if we locked the front door before you come to bed.”

“Okay, mom.” Wonwoo muttered and I rolled my eyes, “Good night.”

“I love you.” I whispered and sighed, getting comfortable as Wonwoo turned off all the lights in my room and only left on the one at my desk. I heard Byeol moving around, no doubt she went to sleep in Wonwoo’s lap as he started playing Call of Duty.

           After Wonwoo left I had a whole three days to think about everything that’s been happening lately and they way Soonyoung and him were acting from time to time. It was getting quite obvious that there was something wrong with Soonyoung and it seems like only Yerim had noticed until now. The boy gets upset at the smallest of things and he’s always saying some fucked up shit about the people he doesn’t like, and it almost always involves a comment about how the Earth would be better off without them and that he could slay them in their sleep. I never paid attention to these comments because I thought he was just joking as he has always had a dark sense of humor. But it didn’t make sense why he was at the pool on the day Yerim died. I was the last person she called and somehow Soonyoung knew about her death. Was he perhaps nearby? But why would he be? Yerim refused to go on a date that evening, so there was no reason for Soonyoung to show up there. He was tough to deal with, but if he was told no, he wouldn’t bother you for a while. And his words kept bothering me still, ‘I just couldn’t help it’, what did he mean by them? What has he done? Wonwoo’s slip up about how he wouldn’t have let Soonyoung do whatever also didn’t sit right with me. I wished there was someone I could talk to about these crazy thoughts, but I knew how it would sound. Was I accusing Soonyoung of killing Yerim? Not exactly, but it started sounding like that. Was I suspecting my boyfriend’s best friend about being a murderer? I tried not to, but it was becoming difficult. So I decided to try and talk to him, sort things out with Soonyoung without accusing him of anything, just ask him all of the questions I desperately needed an answer to and everything would be alright. But Soonyoung started avoiding me, he wouldn’t talk to me if it was unnecessary and he’d only sit with me if Wonwoo was with us, and even then, he remained quiet. It was weird, Soonyoung talked a lot. I brought it up to Wonwoo and he said not to think too much about it as it was Soonyoung and his talkativeness depended a lot on his mood. I tried to explain to Wonwoo that I didn’t care about that, that it was his attitude which changed and that I wasn’t able to talk to him because he was avoiding me or ignoring me, but Wonwoo just shrugged it off and said that he didn’t notice anything weird with him. I knew it was futile to press the matter more, so I let it go and focused on other things. Sana and I started hanging out in the long breaks and it felt nice to have a girl to talk to again. However, one day, she freaked me out a bit.

“Did you notice how every murdered person has something to do with you so far?” She had asked as she took a bite of her sandwich. I had choked on my smoothie upon hearing her words.

“No? What are you talking about?” I had asked confused, goosebumps erupting on my skin.

“Well,” She had started saying as she gazed up at the sky, “Yerim was your best friend, you’ve known Seungkwan since you were little and well…you sort of knew Mina too, she was Wonwoo’s ex.”

Yes, I had known all these people, but I couldn’t follow Sana’s train of thought, “Yeah, but…it’s not like I’m the only one who knew them…”

“True,” Sana had hummed and then had looked at me, “Whatever, ignore what I said. I’ve just been thinking about it.”

So, we moved on with our conversation after that, however, her words made me think hard about what she had said. Somehow, she wasn’t wrong. I had known all three people, even if not from very close, they did have a significance in my life at some point, it made me shudder again. I thought about bringing it up to Wonwoo when we were hanging out after class, but I was scared he’d think I was going crazy. I was just desperate to find out who murdered and why my best friend, and all these other people. And what if I was the serial killer’s next target? Nobody was safe.

           Time flies by so fast you don’t even notice it. It feels like Yerim’s funeral was yesterday yet it’s Halloween already. Almost two months have had passed since losing her, and I was still getting used to it. I couldn’t say it was easier, but I was doing slightly better. Today was a particularly hard day as Halloween was Yerim and I’s favorite holiday. We’d always dress up in our favorite character at the moment and throw a small house party for our close friends. The rules were that we’d go trick or treating to each other and before midnight we’d gather at a bonfire and tell scary stories which have happened to us. It was a lot of fun each year and we couldn’t wait for it; however, it was my first Halloween without Yerim and it didn’t feel right. I was feeling nauseous all day long and quite moody as the weather had gotten colder too. Sana noticed my grumpiness and once I told her what the issue was she left me alone. Wonwoo wasn’t so understanding as we had talked about going to a Haunted House for fun months ago. He said he understood yet he was pressuring me in going with them. He promised it would be fun and that I shouldn’t stay at home and sulk all night long. I wasn’t sulking, I was trying to cope with the absence of my best friend, but it seemed like he didn’t understand that. So, very reluctantly, I agreed to go with him to the Haunted House. A few of his friends would be joining us, so I figured asking Sana if she’d like to come wouldn’t hurt anyone. She seemed quite excited once I told her and she promised to pick me up at around nine as Wonwoo wanted to go out beforehand with his friends. That was fine with me, I wasn’t in the mood to hang out with drunk teenage guys either way. They would get loud and pushy; I knew someone would bring up Yerim and it was the last thing I needed tonight. Mom was happy to see me going out and even encouraged me when I asked her to braid my hair. I wasn’t in the mood to go shopping for a costume, so I dressed in last year’s witch outfit. Nobody would care either way. Only Yerim actually cared, and she wasn’t here. Last year I was the one hosting the small party and I figured since I had a black cat I should dress up as a witch, it was a total success. Everyone loved the look and the vibes.

As nine o’clock approached, Sana texted me that she was right outside my house and after mom kissed my cheek and told me to have fun I left the house and jogged up to Sana’s extravagant car. They were quite rich and despite her being humble, her things screamed rich girl vibes.

“Hi!” She greeted me excited and I waved at her as I sat inside the car, “How are you?”

I sighed and closed the door, “Well, I had better days.”

“You look amazing though,” She patted my thigh and I nodded wordlessly, “If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want to come home, don’t feel hesitant to tell me. I’ll drive you.”

I felt my heart warming at her comment and gave her a genuine thankful smile, “Thank you.”

Sana wasn’t Yerim, and she’d never be, but it felt nice to have someone who was so understanding and kind. She’s shown me nothing but kindness since we started talking and it was refreshing. Sana was soft spoken and quiet usually, she didn’t speak unasked and often times we’d just sit in silence next to each other, enjoying each other’s presence. She was the total opposite of Yerim, yet we seemed to get along well. Sana made me feel seen and understood when nobody else could, perhaps that’s why I felt a little attached to her. I could only hope that she felt the same about me and didn’t think I was cold to her.

Once we got to the Haunted House the place was buzzing with people, everyone was excited for the new addition of the Amusement Park. It was a Halloween special and it was the first year they had opened a Haunted House for Halloween. Yerim would’ve loved coming here, we’ve discussed our outfits for tonight quite often and how much fun we’d have at the Haunted House, but now I had to do all of that alone. I owed it to her at least. Finding Wonwoo wasn’t hard as he and his friends had come with their bikes and they were gathered at the entrance of the Park, being loud and annoying. Sana followed after me as I was headed their way. I spotted Wonwoo next to his motorbike and walked towards him, catching his attention when I got nearby. He grinned at me and opened his arms once I was next to him, pulling me in a big hug.

“Hello, beautiful.” I smiled and pulled back, kissing his cheek. His friends got quiet and I faced them, waving at everyone. They greeted me back and I glanced at Sana before clearing my throat.

“This is Sana,” I introduced her to everyone, and starting from our left started introducing the boys, “That’s Minghao, Vernon, Soonyoung and Jeonghan.”

“Nice to meet you!” Sana smiled and the boys quickly greeted her, Minghao shaking her hand and introducing himself individually too. I chuckled and looked at Wonwoo who was smirking. Minghao wasn’t very interested in girls, but when he was, he made it quite obvious and Sana was a gorgeous girl. Jeonghan was smirking to our right as he watched me and I noticed, so I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Looking quite ravishing, Y/N.” Jeonghan said in a flirty tone and I felt Wonwoo’s arm tightening around my shoulders. Jeonghan was quite flirty, even with me. I used to think he was annoying, but after getting to know him better, I realized he flirted even with his guy friends, I figured it’s just the way he was. Besides, he was no threat when it came to Wonwoo, I was too in love with my boyfriend to find any other guy interesting enough. Sometimes I wished Wonwoo understood that too and stopped being jealous, but I figured he was just the possessive type.

“Thank you, interesting choice of outfit, Jeonghan.” I commented, making Soonyoung laugh as he pushed off his bike. I glanced at him but he was avoiding eye contact, still.

“Who dresses up as a cat, Jeonghan?” Soonyoung teased but Jeonghan just shrugged and pushed his long hair behind his shoulders.

“I do, why? Are you falling in love with me?” Jeonghan started leaning towards Soonyoung who flicked him off and grabbed his backpack off his bike.

“Yeah, right.” He muttered sarcastically and Minghao smiled, speaking up.

“Are we going in then?”

“Yes, let’s go!” Vernon said with excitement lacing his voice and I nodded, sighing quietly. Wonwoo noticed and looked down at me.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly as we took off towards the ticket booth. I nodded and pressed a kiss against his lips, bringing a smile on his face. He bopped our noses together before we joined the others in line, waiting to buy our tickets too.

           The night seemed to be going well, everyone was having fun. Sana and Vernon seemed to be hitting it off quite well, much to Minghao’s disappointment. Jeonghan kept giggling as Minghao continued sulking while we watched Sana and Vernon play a shooting game in order to win a pink teddy bear. Sana really wanted it, but after missing almost all targets she walked away sulkily and that’s all it took Vernon to try his luck, and he seemed to be doing really well.

“Does our little Vernon have a new crush?” It was the first time in a while Soonyoung addressed me directly and I looked at him surprised. Was he done ignoring me and avoiding me?

“Who knows, but I don’t blame him.” I said with a shrug and Soonyoung looked at me.

“Good for him, she never liked me.” Soonyoung sounded a little bitter and it made me remember that Wonwoo and Mina once were together, of course Soonyoung and Sana knew each other. But I didn’t know he was into her…much like he was into Yerim as well. Interesting pattern, I thought to myself as my eyebrows lightly furrowed. Soonyoung seemed to notice and he cleared his throat, looking off in the distance.

“Do you want some cotton candy?” He asked as he took out his wallet.

“No, thank you, Wonwoo is buying some caramel popcorn for us.” I declined nicely and Soonyoung nodded.

“I’ll be right back.” He said before walking off to the cotton candy booth, buying one for himself. I continued watching Vernon and Sana as they both laughed, trying their luck for another plushie, this time it was a blue shark. Wonwoo was buying popcorn not far away and Jeonghan and Minghao decided to ride a very scary looking roller-coaster. They didn’t want to come to the Haunted House with us so we agreed to meet in an hour at the Ferris-wheel as we had to wait a little for our tour at the Haunted House. They only let in around ten people at every half an hour. Chuckling at Vernon’s dramatic fail at hitting the last target, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision. The person seemed to be approaching me and as I turned my head a wide smile erupted on my lips. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was Seonghwa, my ex-boyfriend. He was my first serious boyfriend and I only had fond memories of him. We parted on friendly terms and have been civil with each other ever since. He moved away two years ago, so it was a surprise to see him here.

“Seonghwa!” I exclaimed as I ran up to him and engulfed him in a hug. He giggled and hugged me back just as tightly. He had gotten taller since the last time we saw each other. He still had that bubble gum scent, it made me giddy.

“Y/N, I would’ve never thought we’d meet here of all places!” He said with a laugh as we let go of each other and took a small step back.

“Right?!” I chuckled as we smiled widely at each other, “I didn’t even know you were back in town!”

“Yeah, it’s a brief visit, so I didn’t tell anyone.” He scratched his nape awkwardly, “I wasn’t even supposed to be here, but San and Wooyoung dragged me here because of the Haunted House.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s a hot topic at the moment. I wasn’t in the mood to come, but I promised Wonwoo we’d go so…” I trailed off with a sigh and Seonghwa nodded.

“How is he?” He asked with a polite smile and I shrugged, looking around for him.

“He’s fine, just the usual.” I answered and Seonghwa nodded.

“I, uh—” He cleared his throat, “I heard what happened to Yerim. I’m very sorry for your loss. She didn’t deserve that.”

I looked away and gulped, hating that she was the topic, but I knew Seonghwa didn’t mean bad, “Thank you, she really didn’t. She was taken from us so early…”

Seonghwa gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “I’m always here for you, I hope you know that.”

“I do.” His words brought a smile to my face, even after breaking up, Seonghwa was always there to support me and cheer me up until he had to move away. He was a kind soul always looking out for others, “How’s your grandma?”

“She’s the reason I’m visiting, actually, she’s not doing so well.” Seonghwa’s voice lowered and he looked down, it was my turn to offer him a reassuring pat.

“I’m sad to hear that, I hope she gets better.” Seonghwa nodded and I could hear them before seeing them. Wooyoung was almost screaming as he was telling San to let him go to the teddy bear booth. He wanted to get the blue shark Vernon lost, but San wasn’t letting him as he had spent too much money already. Seonghwa and I looked at each other before we burst out laughing.

He shook his head and sighed tiredly, “I better go and do some damage control before we get kicked out.”

I laughed and nodded, ushering him away, “When are you going to the Haunted House?”

Seonghwa glanced at his wrist watch, “In about ten minutes.”

“Oh, that’s great! Us too!” Seonghwa had an excited smile on his face as he waved at me and quickly ran up to San and Wooyoung, who were full on arguing by now. I chuckled and shook my head, but quickly jumped when someone gripped my arm.

“Who was that?” Wonwoo’s deep voice whispered in my ear and I turned to face him with a grin.

“Seonghwa!” I answered him and Wonwoo hummed as he released me and looked after Seonghwa who was now standing in between San and Wooyoung, talking and making exaggerated hand gestures. I had to laugh as I watched them. Wonwoo had known about Seonghwa, but he’s never seen him in person. Wonwoo and I started dating a few days after Seonghwa moved away.

“And those two idiots are his best friends, San and Wooyoung.” I explained to Wonwoo as he started eating our popcorn, “They are very loud, argue almost all the time and like to cause trouble. Poor Seonghwa…sometimes I pity him for having left him alone with those two devils.”

Wonwoo gave me a quick glance before he interlaced our fingers and pulled me away, walking us towards the Haunted House, “Well you’re not their mother, so I’m glad I stole you away.”

I rolled my eyes and gave Wonwoo a look, “You didn’t steal me away, dumbass, Seonghwa and I had broken up a year before I started dating you. The only thing you stole is my heart.”

My last comment brought a smug grin on Wonwoo’s lips and he kissed me before acting like nothing happened, “I love you.”

I laughed and leaned closer to him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

Wonwoo looked at me from the corner of his eyes, “You did.”

“No, I didn’t.” I shook my head and pouted at him.

“Yes, you did.”

“How could I, everyone is so loud and you were speaking so quietly.”

“I love you.” Wonwoo said with a groan, louder this time, and I giggled as I punched his stomach playfully and grabbed some popcorn into my hands. He rolled his eyes and rested his arm around my shoulders as we spotted the others in front of the Haunted House staying in line and joined them.

            The Haunted House was a twenty-minute walk and it was quite well done. I got a good scare right as we started the tour, a killer doctor jumped in front of Wonwoo and I, and I screamed the loudest, scaring Sana and Vernon who were behind us. Wooyoung and San, who were at the front with Seonghwa, started laughing at me and I stuck my tongue out at Wooyoung. However, he got his payback when a black fake spider was dropped on his head and he almost passed out from screaming so loud, making the whole group erupt in loud laughter. Vernon seemed to like their vibes as he dragged Sana to the front to be with them and I chuckled as I looked at Wonwoo.

“San and Wooyoung can be fun people, but they tire you out very quickly.” I told my boyfriend as we walked through a very dark zone, ghostly voices coming from the speakers. I was holding his hand tightly and I could feel his shoulder grazing mine lightly.

“Did you spend a lot of time with them?” He asked curiously.

“I did,” I chuckled, remembering all the fun I used to have with them and Seonghwa, “On Friday’s we’d go to the diner and after we’d go karting, it was a lot of fun. It was a tradition of ours which was started by Wooyoung.”

“Sounds nice,” Wonwoo muttered and then I felt him squeezing my hand when we heard footsteps running behind us, “Why don’t we have something similar?”

His question made me think. I didn’t exactly know, maybe because Wonwoo didn’t invite me to hang out with his friends quite often, so I wasn’t very close to them besides Soonyoung, “I don’t know, I figured you don’t like it when I hang out with you and your friends.”

“That’s not true,” Wonwoo scoffed as a marionette was hung in front of us, dangling limply and I flinched, “I don’t mind you hanging out with us.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him as we were partially blinded by green neon lights, “You never told me that though. And you never invited me out with you guys either…”

Wonwoo was silent as he glanced at me and stepped in front of me when a man dressed in Frankenstein ran towards us. I could hear Sana giggling in the next room and I pulled Wonwoo after me, entering the room just in time to see Wooyoung threateningly throwing punches at a skeleton and cussing at it. San was laughing loudly and Seonghwa was apologizing to the masked man as he clutched his shoulder. Sana and Vernon were watching it unfold with amusement, and I chuckled as Wonwoo and I approached them.

“What did he do this time?” I asked Seonghwa while pointing at Wooyoung, but it was San who answered me.

“The vampire jumped out of its coffin and Wooyoung punched it.” It made me laugh too as Seonghwa dragged his friend away from the skeleton before bowing at the vampire guy again. The guy just told us to go on and went back inside his coffin.

“Ah, Y/N, finally!” Wooyoung exclaimed once he saw me talking to San and ran up to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders as he pulled me with himself to the front. I glanced back at Wonwoo, but he just smiled and nodded, joining Vernon and Sana at the back of the group. Soonyoung and the other three people who came with us seemed to be much more ahead of us, so our little group stuck together.

“I hear you’ve been causing problems all night long, Wooyoung.” I narrowed my eyes at my friend and he chuckled, placing a hand on his chest.

“Non-sense, was it Seonghwa who told you that? You know he’s always lying and overreacting!” I chuckled as Seonghwa slapped the back of Wooyoung’s head and San glanced back at us with a grin before he opened the next door. The room was pitch black and I gulped, a bit nervous about entering it. I knew Wooyoung wouldn’t release me, he knew I hated the dark, but I still preferred being with Wonwoo right now.

“It’s good that our gang is back together.” It was San who was talking and I lightly ran into him as he stopped to wait for us. He seemed unbothered by the whole tour and was just laughing at everything and making fun of Wooyoung any chance he got.

“Yeah, I missed you.” Wooyoung said and squeezed my shoulder as I lightly held onto his hoodie, scared a bit. I knew Seonghwa was next to me, on my left, and San in front of me and the others behind, but I still felt uneasy.

“I missed you too, although you’re being a pain in the ass—”

“Am not!” Wooyoung exclaimed and soon screamed as a strong light was flashed in our faces and fake bats came flying towards us. I screamed too and ducked as I held onto my head, scared they’d get entangled into my braided hair. San was laughing as he caught one and started antagonizing Wooyoung with it, running after him as they ran into the next room. Seonghwa was quick to approach me and help me stand, but Wonwoo was by my side instantly, and the two looked at each other as each held my arm. I chuckled awkwardly and shook off their grips, standing up on my own.

“Sorry, I hate bats.” I muttered embarrassed as Vernon and Sana walked by us.

“I know.” Both boys said at the same time and I felt awkward as they looked at each other before Wonwoo cleared his throat and Seonghwa scratched his nape.

“Uhm, let’s go?” I proposed and they both nodded as we took off, Seonghwa going in front of us as I intertwined my fingers with Wonwoo, who was glaring at the back of my ex-boyfriend’s head.

“Stop it.” I whispered at Wonwoo and his jaw clenched, “Wonwoo, you know he means no harm.”

“I don’t like it when other guys touch you, Y/N.” Wonwoo snapped at me and I sighed, side eyeing him.

“Jesus, he just tried to help me up—”

“I was there already; he didn’t have to.” Wonwoo’s voice raised lightly and I stopped walking and faced him as I was sure Seonghwa could hear it all and I didn’t want to make him feel more uncomfortable.

“Can you stop acting like this? Have I given you any reason to be jealous, Wonwoo?” I called out my boyfriend and he rolled his eyes, releasing my hand.

“You have no trouble being so friendly with him.”

“Maybe because we remained friends?!” I exclaimed and Wonwoo just sighed, walking by me, “Seriously?”

“What? I’m curious what’s in the next room.” He muttered and I rolled my eyes as I followed after him. What a way to ruin the little fun I started having. I just sighed as I followed behind Wonwoo, not even interested anymore in the Haunted House and all of the different masked people jumping out in front of me, trying to scare me. Seonghwa was back at the front, San and Wooyoung pulling him in all kinds of directions as he didn’t turn around anymore, keeping his distance. I felt bad for him and reminded myself to apologize for Wonwoo’s behavior, reassuring him that he did nothing wrong and Wonwoo sometimes overreacted. There were flashing lights in the room we were in currently and ghosts hung from the ceiling as people were screaming through the speakers. I sighed and shielded my eyes, the lights hurting them as I hurried towards the last door. The others were outside already and I was left behind, I didn’t notice that everyone walked out while I was getting lost in my thoughts. Just as I was about to touch the doorknob, a dressed up person jumped in front of me, blocking my way. I gasped and jumped back, eyes widening when I came face to face with a Ghostface. The person wore a black gown and a real looking knife was in its hand. My heart started racing and I started backing away from the person, getting flashbacks from the night they had shown up at my house.

“What—what are you—” The Ghostface chuckled and slowly approached me.

“I’m a Ghostface.” The voice was still as glitchy, but lower than the one I had talked to on the phone, “Hello, beautiful.”

I shuddered at the words and gulped, “Who are you?”

The person behind the mask chuckled and twirled around, “An actor? Hired by the Haunted House?”

My heart was racing, but their words seemed to calm me down a little bit. Of course, we were at the Haunted House and this person was an actor hired to scare people. And they did a good job at scaring me.

“Right, sorry—” I chuckled, “You gave me a good scare.”

“That’s my job.” The Ghostface bowed and I smiled, “Did you enjoy the tour?”

“Are you this nice and talkative with everyone?” I raised my eyebrows as I held my hands behind my back. The Ghostface started circling me, making me turn my head to see them.

“Only with the beautiful ones.” They answered and I rolled my eyes, not into cheesy flirting.

“How cheesy.” I muttered and the Ghostface seemed to laugh as they came to a stop in front of me. It looked as they looked down before raising their head back up and I saw the knife glinting in the dim light as it lightly touched my chin and they raised my head with it. The air caught in my throat a little as I felt the sturdiness of the knife. It was either a very real looking and feeling prop or it was a real knife.

“And tell me…do you like bad guys?” The Ghostface asked smugly and I laughed nervously.

“Not really.”

“Isn’t your boyfriend a bad boy?” Well, that’s not how I’d describe Wonwoo if someone asked me. He looked like a bad boy, but he was actually a very nice and loving guy.

“Not really,” I chuckled and quietly let out a sigh when the person lowered the knife from my chin, “He’s well raised and really nice.”

“And do you love him?” Wasn’t this Ghostface a little too curious?

“Of course I do.” I said matter of factly and the Ghostface hummed just as the door opened. Light poured in from the outside and I squinted until the door was closed again. I instantly recognized the person once my eyes adjusted to the light again, it was Seonghwa.

“Y/N, are you alright?” He asked worriedly as he walked up to me, “I saw you weren’t with the group and nobody knew where you were.”

I smiled at him sweetly and nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just fell behind accidentally and Ghostface over there seemed to be quite interested.”

Seonghwa looked over to where the Ghostface stood and his eyebrows furrowed, “Oh? They didn’t show up when we walked through this room.”

I turned to look at the Ghostface as well and I gulped as dread washed over me, slowly realizing what was happening, “Seonghwa—” But before I could scream at him to run, the Ghostface charged at us and I yelped as they pushed me to the ground and pinned Seonghwa to the wall. I watched wide eyed as Seonghwa struggled against them and as I got to my feet, I saw the Ghostface raise their knife. My heart stopped for a second and I didn’t even realize I had screamed as the knife slashed Seonghwa’s abdomen. He cried out in pain and the Ghostface stepped back a bit as he angled their knife at Seonghwa’s stomach. I was shaking, but I couldn’t just sit on the ground and watch as they murder my ex-boyfriend.

“Y/N, run!” Seonghwa exclaimed as the Ghostface poked his stomach, but I was fast enough and got up in time and ran over, knocking the Ghostface aside. They gasped in surprise and I could feel their gaze burning into me through the mask. I turned to face Seonghwa and with shaky hands caught him as he slid down the wall.

“No, Seonghwa!” I exclaimed, hand getting bloody as I pressed it against his smaller wound, momentarily not knowing what to do.

“Get out!” Seonghwa whispered as he grimaced in pain, pulling out his phone. I turned around and came face to face with the Ghostface, gasping at the proximity. I didn’t know who was behind the mask, but I wasn’t about to go down without a fight. I punched their shoulder and took the knife out of their hand, throwing it on the ground as I started punching their abdomen. The Ghostface groaned and tried catching my hands, struggling to do so until they had me pinned against the wall. I tried fighting myself out of their hold, but they were stronger.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The Ghostface said breathlessly and I glared at them, kneeling them, making them double over.

“You shouldn’t have hurt my friends!” I screamed and kneeled them in the stomach this time, sending the person onto the ground. I ran back to Seonghwa and saw him trying to call the cops, but there was no signal inside.

“Let’s go.” I whispered and tried to control my shaking as I attempted to help Seonghwa stand, but just as he warned me, I was tackled to the ground. I screamed again, and suddenly, a hand was muffling my screams. A bare hand. Long fingers, warm, soft palm. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt a tear run down my cheeks when I noticed the Ghostface holding the knife again. Was I about to die too? But they didn’t move, we were just staring at each other. The hold on my mouth seemed to loosen and I glanced down at it, heart jumping in my throat when I noticed two long, red scratches on the person’s hand. Why did they look like cat scratches? Why did their hand feel like Wonwoo’s? A groan to our right got both of our attention and I saw Seonghwa approaching us, almost stumbling, but as the Ghostface got off of me, Seonghwa swung his fist at the person’s jaw, sending them stumbling into the wall. I got up and grabbed Seonghwa, placing his arm around my shoulders as I held his hip and we made a run for the exit. He was groaning in pain but still remained strong as we could hear the Ghostface shuffling around and catching up with us, but just as I felt them gripping onto Seonghwa’s shoulder, I kicked the door open, light flooding the room. Everyone was standing there, waiting for us probably, and when they saw the blood coating Seonghwa’s torso and my hands, chaos erupted. Wooyoung ran up to us in despair and started shouting things, asking what happened as I yelled out for them to call an ambulance. Vernon rushed up to us and helped Wooyoung as they took Seonghwa’s weight off of me and carefully placed him on a nearby bench as San called for an ambulance. Sana was by my side instantly and I realized my whole body was shaking as I looked around for familiar faces. She was talking to me, but I was searching for one person. Jeonghan and Minghao looked shocked as they stood helplessly by the bench, watching Seonghwa struggling to stay awake. Wooyoung was freaking out and San was holding onto him tightly as they talked to Seonghwa, trying to divert his attention from the pain. Vernon was trying to stop the bleeding as his father is a doctor and he knows this and that. Soonyoung was off to the side, looking almost sick yet unimpressed as he talked on the phone with someone. And Sana was hugging me tightly, saying reassuring things to me which I was unable to hear due to my ears ringing. Wonwoo. Wonwoo wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I gulped and hugged Sana back, hearing the ambulance sirens in the distance. Wonwoo wasn’t here with us.

           My mother was reluctant to let me go to school the next day, understandably so. I barely got any sleep after last night’s incident. As Seonghwa was placed inside the ambulance and driven to a hospital, two detectives approached the rest of us and started their questioning. We were brought to the side separately and asked to retell our whole night. Of course, I was the one they questioned first as they knew I was inside with Seonghwa when the attack happened. I was shaken up and on the verge of crying, but surprisingly, Wooyoung and San stood by my side and tried to cheer me up until my mother got to us. After finishing my retelling of story, I walked to the side and sat down, curling into a ball as I felt arms holding me. It was Sana and she remained quiet as she tried to offer me some support. I appreciated her gesture, but I would’ve preferred being left alone at the moment. My mind was swirling with questions and I was frightened out of my mind. Wonwoo was nowhere to be seen and I couldn’t help but think he was the one behind the mask. Could it really be my boyfriend? The killer? I bit my lower lip at the thought and my head whipped up as I heard Wonwoo’s deep voice, laced with terror and panic as he was asking around for me. Just as we made eye contact, the two detectives stepped in front of him and brought him aside to question him as well. I could feel his gaze on me, but my mother had arrived and she was by my side in an instant, helping me up and she gave me tightest hug ever. I started crying when I felt her arms around me and she quietly shushed me, thanking Sana for sitting with me. She noticed San and Wooyoung too, nodding at them as a small greeting before she walked me towards her car. I didn’t talk to Wonwoo that night, but perhaps it was good, because I had no idea what I could’ve said to him.

Mom insisted on driving me to school this morning and I didn’t object; I wasn’t in the mood to ride the bus and act as if I didn’t feel my classmates burning gazes. I knew everyone would whisper about me again. I hated this all. I hated the killer. I hated that Yerim wasn’t here. And I hated the fact that I was helpless and couldn’t help a person who once was so dear to me. Thankfully, Seonghwa got to the hospital in time as he was losing blood fast and since he was stabilized quite quickly, he’d survive. I asked my mother to stop by his ward from time to time, to check up on him. She complied happily and told me she’d update me; I was really thankful. Before getting out of her car, I kissed my mother’s cheek, making her smile sadly at me. I had dark bags underneath my eyes and despite tying my hair up, it looked like a mess. I felt miserable, and I looked miserable. The baggy clothes weren’t helping much to offer me comfort, all I could do was sigh and pull the hood of my hoodie over my head and walk to my classroom. Everyone seemed to have eagle eyes, because as soon as I opened the entrance door, people noticed me. Some started instantly whispering, there were a few who were ignoring me or stepping out of my way as if I would hurt them, some would stop conversing and stare at me like I was some sort of freak. I hung my head low and walked up to my locker, opening it to place my backpack inside it. I sighed as I got my science book and two notebooks out, off to walk to my classroom. Sana texted me that she wasn’t feeling well and she wouldn’t attend school today, apologizing for leaving me alone. I didn’t text her back, but I appreciated her letting me know. Surprisingly it was San and Wooyoung who approached me as I was walking up the stairs.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I heard San asking me and I raised my head, eyes wide.

“Oh, I didn’t see you—” Wooyoung had a warm smile on his lips and I looked back down at the ground, “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Us neither.” Wooyoung muttered and San cleared his throat, “We visited Seonghwa before coming to school.”

“How is he?” I asked quickly, looking back up at the two boys.

“He’s in pain, but he’s doing good despite that huge cut—” San elbowed Wooyoung and I gulped, averting my eyes from them, “I mean, he’s fine, don’t worry. He asked us to tell you that he’s grateful you saved him and he hopes you’ll visit him when you feel ready.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded at the two boys wordlessly, “Thank you.”

“No problem, you know where to find us.” San smiled and bumped his shoulder with mine lightly as we got to my floor, they had to go up one more flight of stairs. I nodded at them and they waved as they took off. I sighed and took off too, headed towards my classroom, the hallway not as packed as downstairs. A few students glanced at me but seemed to ignore me mostly, it made me feel slightly better. Not too good, but at least they weren’t staring or whispering. As I looked up, I suddenly froze. Wonwoo. He was standing next to my classroom’s door, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets as he was biting his lip, looking anxious. I gulped and slowly approached him, wary still. His head turned and when he noticed me he pushed off the wall and approached me, instantly pulling me into a hug. I felt tears in my eyes as I buried my head in his chest and Wonwoo rubbed my back up and down. I grabbed his jacket and tried to keep silent as I started crying, scared and confused. How could I think it was Wonwoo? My loving boyfriend. I was so scared something happened to him. But why was he not outside when everybody else was?

“I’m so glad—” Wonwoo’s voice was low and raspy, as if he had been screaming all night long, “I’m so glad you’re alright. I was so scared—I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from that criminal, I—”

“Where were you?” I found myself whispering, desperately needing an answer to this one question only.

Wonwoo remained silent before he sighed, “I caught up with Soonyoung and then I went to the bathroom, when I got back everything had already happened—”

“Okay,” I whispered and sniffed, pulling my head back to look at him, “Don’t blame yourself. I’m fine and Seonghwa will recover.”

Wonwoo’s jaw clenched and as I was looking up at him, my eyes fell on his jawline. There was a small bruise forming, slightly greenish already. My eyebrows furrowed and I felt my heart starting to beat fast. Seonghwa—he punched the Ghostface in the jaw, same exact location, before we ran out. I gulped, hands slightly shaking, as I took Wonwoo’s right hand and interlaced our fingers, bringing it up to my eye level. Wonwoo watched me wordlessly, eyebrows slightly furrowed. I maintained eye contact as I brought his hand to my lips, pressing a kiss against it. And just before lowering it, I glanced down, and my blood ran cold. There. On his hand. Red scratches which Byeol left on him when they were playing. His hand, bare. Long fingers, warm, soft palm. I shivered and stepped back, releasing his hand as I tried to act nonchalant. Wonwoo watched me confused as I stumbled over my words.

“I—I have to go—” I opened the classroom door, avoiding eye contact, “I’m late.”

“Y/N—” But I stepped inside the classroom and slammed the door shut, biting my lower lip, whole body shaking as I approached my desk and sat down. It was Wonwoo last night. Right? Was it really him? What do I do?

           My mother tried to switch her shifts with a nurse she was friends with, but she couldn’t make it. She didn’t want to take the night shift tonight, worried to leave me home alone, but I reassured her I would be fine. In fact, I felt like shit and didn’t want to be alone, but remained silent and decided to have a Harry Potter marathon, that way I wouldn’t fall asleep and could wait for my mother to return home in the morning. It was a Friday, so it would work out. I desperately needed a good sleep, but I could deal with that later. I cooked some dinner for myself and played with Byeol, but after she got bored and went to sleep in my room, I decided to take a shower and start the movie marathon. I definitely lost track of time while showering, because my phone kept ringing, but I didn’t feel like answering. My mother would never call me while working, so I knew it was Wonwoo. But I didn’t want to talk to him. My mind was a mess and I didn’t know what to believe anymore. He couldn’t be the killer, but some signs were pointing at him and it was eating me up alive. I was scared and confused. My gut told me to sleep on it and ask him tomorrow, but for some reason staying away from him felt most comforting. Getting out of the shower I got dressed in sweatpants and Yerim’s favorite pink hoodie, eyeing Wonwoo’s sweater resting on my chair. He left it here when he slept over and told me to keep it until he’d sleep over again. Brushing my fingers against it as I towel dried my hair with one hand, I shivered. Its scent once brought comfort, but now I felt uncomfortable. Byeol was sitting on my bed and for once it wasn’t storming outside, I was thankful. Just as I placed my towel on my desk, my phone rang again. I sighed and walked up to it as it was charging on my nightstand, and despite expecting it to be Wonwoo calling, it was an unknown number. My eyebrows furrowed and my heart started racing as I remembered the time when I spoke with the Ghostface on Yerim’s phone. I took my phone and walked to the window, looking through the curtain.

“Hello?” I asked as I picked up the call, chewing on my lip. There was some heavy breathing on the other side, freaking me out.

“Hi.” I froze for a second as the Ghostface’s robotic voice came through the phone. What did they want? Were they here to kill me? The thought sent panic through my body and I quickly made sure my window was locked before pulling down the blinds as well.

“What do you want?” I demanded, voice shaking but still harsh.

The Ghostface chuckled, “You gone.”

I shuddered as tears suddenly sprung into my eyes, “You killed Yerim, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Was their answer and I sniffed, wiping away a tear as I raced down the stairs, to make sure all doors were locked.

“Why?”

“Multiple reasons,” The Ghostface sighed as I checked the front door, “One, she was always rude to me. Two, she never gave me a chance and the list just goes on, Y/N.”

“So you killed her.” I said accusingly, checking the door in the living room as well. It wasn’t locked, but I locked it now and pulled the curtains closed as well.

“Well she pissed me off to my last nerve, didn’t have much off a choice—”

“You don’t kill someone because they piss you off!” I screamed into the phone, shaking and fuming. How could they?! Kill someone because they pissed them off?! This is not how life works.

“I do.” The Ghostface laughed and I felt like screaming.

“What do you want?” I repeated, body shaking from anger and fear too.

“To kill you, honestly, I’ve had enough of you too.” I gulped and turned by back to the door, walking back outside in the hallway.

“I won’t go down easy.” I muttered and the Ghostface just laughed.

“A fragile girl can’t do much damage to me, sweetheart.” They said and I chuckled sarcastically.

“You’ll have to wait for another night then, you can’t come in if the doors and windows are all locked.”

“They are locked, now.” I froze, heart thumping fast, “But they weren’t until you locked the one in the living room just minutes ago.”

The voice now didn’t come through the phone only, they were here. Inside. Close. Too close. Shakingly, I slowly turned towards the kitchen entrance, and screamed. The same person from the Haunted House was standing in the doorway of my kitchen. Black gown and a Ghostface mask, glows, and a sharp knife in their hand. The Ghostface laughed, dropping the phone as it took off towards me and I panicked, showing the phone in the hoodie’s pocket as I started running, headed for the laundry room. I quickly entered and locked the door, whimpering when the person started pounding on it. Why did they want to kill me? What did I do? Who was behind the mask? As I reached for my phone to call the police, the pounding stopped, the sudden silence making me jump. Did they leave already?

“If you don’t come out, I’ll start with Byeol.” I whimpered and covered my lips, tears streaming down my cheeks at the thought of the person killing my cat. How did they know her name? I couldn’t let them kill her, she was my everything, “I’m headed to find her—”

“Stop!” I screamed and gripped the doorknob, “I’ll come out, just don’t hurt her.”

The Ghostface laughed and I heard them grumbling, “Stupid people with love for their stupid animals.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself to face the criminal on the other side of the door. If I had to die tonight, then I would. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I was feeling extremely hot in the hoodie, but it was Yerim’s, and all of a sudden, a wave of bravery washed over me as if Yerim was telling me that I could do it, that I could survive. If she believed in me, then I could believe in myself too. Wiping my stray tears away, I unlocked the door. The click of it seemed to be so loud in the silence, and with shaking hands, I pushed open the door. It opened very slowly and I held onto the doorknob tightly. There it was. The Ghostface, leaning against the wall. I couldn’t see their face, but I could swear they were smirking. I was glaring at them, breathing hard as I released the doorknob.

“There you are.” They said in a sing song voice, suddenly raising their knife. It was my cue to run off. And so I did just that, I took off, and ran towards the kitchen. The only problem was that it had no doors and two entrances. My goal was to get the Ghostface to follow me outside, far away from my cat and close enough to other people to see and call the cops for me. Their loud thumping made it obvious enough that they were following me and I stopped in front of the sink, the counter putting distance between us. Nobody said anything, we just stared each other down. My muscles were tense and I felt the adrenaline kicking in, making my shaking even worse. Before the Ghostface could react, I took off again, running for the door. I barely got in the doorway, when a hand gripped my hair and I was hauled back. I cried out in pain and quickly groaned as I was thrown on the floor.

“Yerim screamed a lot more than you, you know?” The Ghostface taunted and I sneered at them as I got up, getting backed into the wall. What could I do? Take their knife would be an option. The Ghostface raised the knife and lightly grazed it against my neck, making me gasp. I was breathing through my mouth, barely able to think of my next move. They raised their other hand and gripped my neck, pulling our faces close to each other.

“But you both seem to be just as dumb—” And just like that I headbutted them. I didn’t wait for them to finish the sentence or plunge the knife in my stomach. The person stumbled backwards and dropped their knife in shock. What a dumb move. I reacted faster and picked it up in a flash, pointing it at them.

“How does it feel to have your own weapon pointed at you?” I hissed and the Ghostface groaned, starting to stomp their feet. Were they seriously throwing a tantrum right now? I watched confused, but stayed alert.

“You’re not ruining my fun tonight, Y/N!” They screamed and charged at me. The smart thing to do would’ve been running away and out of the house, but I froze. If I had the knife, could they still kill me? Of course, there were many ways to do that, but my brain went blank. And just last second, I dropped the knife, scared to stab anyone. I wasn’t a killer; I couldn’t do it. The Ghostface grabbed my neck and started squeezing it, but I was fighting back. I wasn’t about to die. I tried pushing him backwards, and it was working. The Ghostface was muttering things I couldn’t understand, but I stumbled and stepped on their long gown. The person tripped over my leg and before I knew it, their hands were gone from my neck and they were falling backwards. I gasped and watched as the person hit their head on the edge of the counter and fell to the floor limply. I stood shocked, not knowing what to do. They weren’t moving anymore, I carefully pushed their leg with my foot, but they didn’t react. I approached them, heart racing and forehead sweaty as I leaned down and touched the mask. I had to know. I had to know who killed my best friend, Mina, Seungkwan and tried to kill Seonghwa and now me. So, without thinking for another second, I ripped the mask off. I felt my body going numb at the sight, ears ringing as I stared down at the blond laying unconsciously on my kitchen floor. My lips started trembling and my body started shaking more violently as I clutched the mask tightly, hand hurting from the force. Kwon Soonyoung lay unconscious in front of me. Blood was slowly seeping from underneath his head. How could it be him? I started crying loudly and threw the Ghostface mask on the floor, stomping on it and screaming. How could he kill Yerim?! How could he! In all the ruckus and screaming, Byeol woke up and her loud meows were the ones which brought me back to reality. She was staying away, gazing at me with her big eyes, meowing loudly. I was sobbing and started walking towards her, when the doorbell rang. Once. Twice. Thrice. Knocking. Panicked screaming. Asking to be let inside. The voice of my boyfriend. Jeon Wonwoo. My boyfriend. Acting without much thinking, I ran up to the door and unlocked it, throwing it open. Wonwoo was panting and he gasped when he saw me. I flung myself into his body, hugging him tightly and crying loudly. He hesitated for a second before wrapping his arms around me and slowly walking me inside the house, closing the door behind us. I was crying, I couldn’t do anything else. Soonyoung killed my best friend because she didn’t like him back. Because she didn’t want to date him. Who kills for a reason like that! I couldn’t hear Byeol meowing anymore, Wonwoo was caressing my head and kissing it softly, muttering words to calm me down. I found my breath again and pulled away, finding comfort in his arms. He was here. He was here to witness it all. He was here to take Byeol and I away from this nightmare.

“He—he did—it.” I stuttered out, body shaking, “Soonyoung. He killed—everyone.”

Wonwoo’s face went blank as he looked towards the kitchen entrance, but the only thing he could see from here was the destroyed Ghostface mask on the floor. His grip seemed to loosen around me as he looked back at me.

“Soonyoung killed Yerim, Wonwoo.” I whispered as I wiped my tears away, “He killed Mina and—”

“He didn’t kill Mina.” Wonwoo’s voice was void of any emotion. I shivered, “He didn’t try to kill Seonghwa either.”

I shook my head, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What—what are you saying? He’s the criminal, he—” I winced when Wonwoo’s grip suddenly turned painful on my arms, and I stepped back. His bruise on his jaw was now a dark blue, it looked like it hurt a lot. The cat scratches on his hand were still red.

“You—” I gasped and slapped his hands away, taking a step back, “You killed—Mina and Seonghwa—”

“I failed to kill that bastard, but it’s not too late yet.” I started shaking my head, feeling like my whole world was ending.

“What are you saying, Wonwoo—” Suddenly he was all up in my face, holding my chin roughly as he made me look him in the eyes. His expression scared me. His eyes were almost black and manic as he stared into mine. His lips were curled into an amused sneer and all warmth had disappeared from his aura. This wasn’t Wonwoo. This wasn’t my boyfriend. This was someone else. Someone I didn’t know and was scared off.

“I killed Mina. I tried to kill Seonghwa and now—” His pause made me gulp, his voice was quiet when he continued, “I have to kill you too.”

I whimpered and started shaking my head, gripping his wrist, “No, Wonwoo—Listen to me, you’re not like this, I can—”

“How would you know what I am like when I never allowed you to see the real me?” His words felt like someone dropped a cold ice bucket on me, numbness washed over my whole body. Was it all fake? All this time? Everything between us?

“Did you ever love me?” I found myself whispering, it was the least important thing to know right now, but I had to know.

“I love you more than I have ever loved anyone.” I sniffled, heart breaking and head spinning. Before I could react in any way, Wonwoo’s lips crashed against mine. I was disgusted, I didn’t want to be kissing him. But I couldn’t help myself. I still loved him despite his terrible confession. Despite him saying he wanted to kill me, I still loved him. So I kissed him back with the same fire he was kissing me, our lips crashing against each other’s messily, painfully. Maybe it was our last goodbye, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t know what this kiss meant, until I felt Wonwoo’s hands around my neck and my eyes flew open. He was squeezing me, not allowing an ounce of air into my lungs. I tried pulling my head back, but he wasn’t letting me. He was still kissing me, but I couldn’t do the same. I clawed at his arms, gripping his wrists and yanking on them but he wasn’t budging. I started seeing black and I felt like throwing up, finally, Wonwoo’s lips left mine and I tried gasping for air but it wasn’t working. I tried talking, but it wasn’t working. I was going to die. In Yerim’s favorite hoodie, by the hands of my once lover. My grip fell from Wonwoo’s wrists and I felt my legs giving out, body limp. I didn’t want to die, I really didn’t. Not like this. I had no power, yet something so strong, as if someone knocked the last gust of wind out of my lungs, gave me the power to raise my knee and kneel Wonwoo in the groins. It might’ve been weak, but Wonwoo yelped loudly and released me, my body falling to the ground. I started coughing and gasping, holding my burning neck as my head hung low. My lungs were on fire and my eyes filled with tears as I filled my lungs desperately with air. Wonwoo was doubled over, groaning and hissing in pain. Perhaps I could escape him. Walk around him and out the door. So I tried, I got up from the ground, legs almost buckling, but I tried. I started walking, catching Wonwoo’s attention as his head whipped up and he reached for me, but I stepped back. He was starting to straighten up, still groaning, realizing I was getting better. I barely had any power, but I was starting to breathe again. He lunged for me and I realized walking in the kitchen was my best escape right now. So, I entered and my eyes fell on an unconscious Soonyoung, making me shudder again. I tried to run, but my legs felt heavy. I went to walk around the counter and grab a knife, but Wonwoo grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. The knife Soonyoung was holding was in his hands now. I shook my head at him and begged him to let me go. We couldn’t figure this out, but he had to let me go. If he loved me, he would’ve done that. But he didn’t want to. The knife was angled at my stomach and I took a deep breath, turning my hand into a fist. I had no power left in me anymore, this was my last shot at life. So, as Wonwoo raised the knife to stab me, I punched his jaw, just where Seonghwa had punched him yesterday, and grabbed the knife with my other hand out of his. He groaned loudly and looked at me with an animalistic look in his eyes. The knife was pointed at him and one move sealed the deal. I guess he didn’t notice I pointed the knife at him as he ran straight into it. We gasped at the same time and stared at each other wide eyed. I didn’t want to do this, but he gave me no other choice. I released the knife and watched as Wonwoo fell to his knees, starting to cry. He was begging me for forgiveness and asking me to love him, but I couldn’t hear him. My ears were ringing.

“Byeol! Byeol!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, throat scratchy from getting chocked. I heard a faint meow coming from the living room and ran inside, looking for my cat, “Byeol, please come here!”

And she showed up, she crawled out from underneath the sofa and ran up to me, coming into my arms as I picked her up. I shushed her and ran towards the front door, not sparing another glance inside the kitchen as I grabbed my phone from Yerim’s hoodie’s pocket. I stumbled off the stairs on the porch as I started getting light headed, but I managed to dial the police.

“112, what’s your emergency?”

Masterlist

[thats-alittle-gay]

"Taylor Swift only writes about her Ex's!!"

Here is a long list of songs not about an ex or current boyfriend. If I missed any of you would like to add to the list, please let me know. I did this off the top of my head so there's a good chance I missed some.

1. Lucky You (unreleased track) First song she ever wrote. It's about a girl named Lucky

2. Who I've Always Been (unreleased track) About calling out someone who buys their way into fame vs putting in the work for it

3. Permanent Marker (unreleased track) Rumoured to be about her brother's ex

4. A Place In This World is about her finding where she belongs in the world

5. The Outside is about being lonely

6. Tied Together With a Smile was written for a friend with an eating disorder

7. Stay Beautiful was about a boy she never dated so it counts for this list.

8. Mary's Song was written for her neighbor

9. I'm Only Me When I'm With You, despite the "small town boy and girl" line, was actually written for Abigail.

10. Christmas Must Be Something More is about Jesus

11. Fearless is about her, at the time, ideal first date. Not about a real date she's been on.

12. Fifteen is about high school and kinda the typical teenage girl experience. Also for Abigail.

13. Hey Stephen is about a guy she never dated.

14. Breathe is about losing a friend

15. The Way I Loved You has been debated but is rumored to be a fictional story about someone dating a guy who is perfect but missing the old relationship.

16. The Best Day is about her mom

17. Change is about how things will change and get better.

18. Untouchable isn't her song she just reworked some parts to make it her style. Luna Halo gave her a writing credit.

19. We Were Happy is also rumoured to be fictional and about being the one to ruin the relationship because she fell out of love.

20. Speak Now was written about a friend who found out their ex was getting married.

21. Mean was about a critic who said she couldn't sing and didn't write her songs

22. Never Grow Up about not wanting to grow up and for a friend's baby

23. Enchanted is about Adam from Owl City who she never dated.

24. Innocent is about Kayne and the 2009 VMA incident

25. Long Live was written for the fans and her band

26. When Emma Falls in Love is about a friend

27. Castles Crumbling is about how the media turned on her and her depression/anxiety feelings

28. Best Days of Your Life was written with Kellie Picker

29. You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home is sung by Miley Cyrus but written by Taylor for the Hannah Montana movie.

30. Two is Better Than One was a collab with Boys Like Girls

31. Both of Us was a collab with B.O.B

32. Eyes Open was for the Hunger Games soundtrack

33. Safe & Sound was also for the Hunger Games

34. 22 is about turning 22

35. Stay Stay Stay was supposedly fictional and about her wanting someone who will stay even when she gets mad and frustrated.

36. The Lucky One is about a celebrity who got overwhelmed with fame and disappeared and how Taylor sometimes thinks about doing the same.

37. Starlight is about Ethel and Bobby Kennedy.

38. Girl at Home is about a guy who was hitting on her while being in a relationship with someone else

39. Ronan is about a 3 year old boy who died of cancer

40. Nothing New is about the fear of being replaced with a new singer and getting pushed out of the industry

42. Forever Winter is about a friend who unaligned themself

43. Highway Don't Care is a collab with Tim McGraw and Keith Urban.

44. Sweeter Than Fiction was written for the movie One Chance.

45. Welcome to New York is about moving to New York

46. Blank Space is about how the media portrays her as a crazy serial dater.

47. Shake It Off is about ignoring the criticism.

48. Bad Blood is about her feud with Katy Perry

49. This is What Came For was a collab with Calvin Harris

50. I Did Something Bad is again, about who the media calls her names for her dating life, society trying to cancel her, and calling her a snake. Also aimed towards Kim and Kayne

51. Look What You Made Me Do is about Kim and Kayne and how they turned most of the world against her with an edited phone call

52. This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things is about Kim and how she attacked her.

53. I Don't Wanna Live Forever was for 50 Shades of Grey

54. I Forgot That You Existed is about learning to not spend all your time thinking about a toxic person

55. The Man is about the double standards in society and how things would probably be easier if she was man.

56. The Archer is about anxiety and fear of being alone. It's been debated about whether it's about Joe or not. Depends on your interpretation, I guess.

57. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince is about a failing government system.

57. Death By a Thousand Cuts is based on the movie Something Great

58. Soon You'll Get Better is about her mom recovering from cancer

59. You Need to Calm Down was written to show support for the LGBTQ community.

60. Only the Young is about politics

61. Beautiful Ghosts was written for CATS

52. cardigan is about a fictional girl named Betty. The song is part of a three song story.

53. the last great american dynasty is about Rebekah Harness and Holiday House in Rhode Island

54. my tears ricochet is about losing her masters

55. mirrorball is about changing herself to fit in with society.

56. seven is from the pov of a little girl who has a friend with an abusive father.

57. August is part of the three way love story. This is from Augustine's pov who was the other girl in the story

58. this is me trying is about her trying her best.

59. illicit affairs is a fictional story about an affair

60. mad woman is about her anger with Scooter Braun

61. epiphany was written for her grandfather. It's about grief and PTSD

62. betty is the third part of the three way love story. This is the pov of a 17 year old boy named James.

63. the lakes is about isolating yourself from society

64. tolerate it was inspired by a novel called Rebecca

65. no body no crime is about a cheating husband that unalived his wife when she found out

66. dorothea is about an old friend

67. ivy is about an affair

68. Marjorie is about her grandmother

69. closure is about someone reaching out to help her get closure

70. it's time to go is about different situations where sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away

71. Renegade was a collab with Big Red Machine

72. The Joker and the Queen Remix is a collab with Ed Sheeran.

73. Carolina was written for the movie Where the Crawdad's Sing

74. Anti-Hero is about her insecurities

75. You're On Your Own Kid is about being on your own and pushing forward despite being afriad

76. Vigilante Shit is about revenge on an enemy

77. Bejeweled is another debated song but most see it as her being confident with herself and not letting anyone tear her down

78. Karma is about Kayne

79. Bigger Than the Whole Sky is about losing something that never happened

80. Dear Reader is Taylor giving advice about things she's learned.

81. Florida!!! Is about having regrets and wanting to start a new life.

82. But Daddy I Love Him is a grey area to some but the way I've seen it interpreted the most was her telling the world that it's not up to them to judge her relationships and she'll date who she wants.

83. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? Is about all the negativity she gets and how haters want to claim she's being petty and intentionally blocking other artists.

84. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart is a little about losing a love but it mostly directed towards the audience who is always pushing for her to release new stuff all the time and how she has to just fake a smile because she has a job to do.

85. Clara Bow is about the never ending cycle of society comparing women to each other and telling them how they're like the current "It" girl, but better in these ways.

86. The Albatross is a hard one but the way I thought of it was that an Albatross is sometimes used as a symbol for feeling of being a burden. My interpretation was that she knows what it feels like to be criticized and hated on and wants the other person to know that if they go through it too then she's there for them. Could also be similar to peace where she's telling her lover that you may get dragged for being with her. But music can be looked at in different ways. This was just my view of it

87. I Hate It Here is about having a mental safe space to help yourself cope when you're in a situation you hate.

88. thanK you aIMee is about Kim Kardashian

89. The Prophecy I've also seen looked at in different ways. The common theme is whatever it's a lover or just someone in general, she's begging to not be alone and to have someone stay with her

90. Cassandra is based on the Greek mythology of Cassandra the Seer who was cursed so no one would believe her prophecies. The parallel is her saying she never gave Kayne permission to use her name in the song Famous and no one believing her because Kim edited the phone call. Also about how when it's time to hate someone everyone has something to say but when the truth comes out no one speaks. Similar to how the fake video drew a lot of attention but when the real one leaked it didn't make the headlines and didn't blow up like the fake one did. There are still people four years later who don't know the real video was leaked.

91. Robin is about childhood. May be her's or someone else's. Robin is the name of her collaborator Aaron's child.

92. Us was a collaboration with Gracie Abrams.

[strangerquinns]

Deadly Reunion| Chapter 27

Eddie Munson x female!reader // a stranger things apocalypse au

summary: You and Eddie have been best friends since childhood. But when the outbreak happened five years ago, you were torn from one another in the chaos. but now you’re left alone, after your group was killed by another radical crew, leaving you to seek out what was once home. // zombie apocalypse Hawkins set in 1993

warnings: angst + adult themes w/ descriptions of violence, blood, torture + other zombie apocalypse related issues (no use of y/n)

word count:2K+

⪻ previous chapter | next chapter ⪼ | stranger things masterlist | chapter one

Eddie never thought of himself to be a lucky man. He was the kid who lived in a trailer park with his Uncle cause his dead-beat father couldn’t handle raising him. Not after Eddie’s mother died.

Wayne took Eddie in once he heard his once brother-in-law was leaving his ten-year-old son home, nearly starving, so he could steal some care or do some drugs.

That was maybe the one time Eddie thought of himself as lucky now that he really thinks about it.

Eddie didn’t even want to imagine what his life would be like if he was raised by his father.

But after that, Eddie was never lucky again.

Bullied relentlessly through middle and high school by the same group of kids who saw him as nothing but a freak. All because he refused to fit into the cookie-cutter life everyone else in Hawkins seemed to fall into eventually.

He repeated high school more times than he’d like to admit.

Even when Eddie thought his luck was changing and Corroded Coffin was finally discovered, signed a record deal, and started recording an album.

The world ended, cutting his dreams and the life he knew short.

Now Eddie doesn’t really understand the cruel joke that is continuing to play out as he lives each day through. Where he had to stand back and watch friends and family die – Eddie was still here. Going through each day just hoping to be able to wake up alive the next.

But then you came back into his life – then Eddie thought he was once again a lucky man.

After years of the two of you being apart, by some miracle or way of god, you stumbled back into his life.

But then Eddie had never felt fear like when you collapsed into his arms.

When you were hurt before – Gareth was there to tell him that you were ok before he even saw you. He didn’t have his other best friend this time to tell him that everything was ok. Not when your eyes rolled into the back of your head, and you dropped limp into his arms. Eddie scrambled to catch you before your head smacked down against the ground beneath you. He didn’t have someone to tell him that you were okay as blood started coming into your ears, not a lot, but enough to cause worry.

No matter how much Eddie shook you to have you wake up, you lay there in his arms. Barely breathing, eyes not opening.

Steve was the one to snap him out of it, reminding him that they needed to get back to camp. Eddie gathered you in his arms and ran like he’d never run before. Ignoring the way his body screamed out in pain as he carried you in his arms. Instead, focus on the path in front of him and the warmth of your body against his. Behind him, Steve and Wendy ran alongside him, the entire way till they got back to camp.

Covering Eddie’s 6 whenever it was needed – thankful that the colder weather caused packs of Flayed to be sparse.

“Open the gate! Open the gate!” Steve shouted as the gate of the Camp came into view.

The men above moved quickly to pull the gate open, allowing the three of them through. Eddie didn’t stop to speak with anyone as he passed others through the front lawn of the Lab or through the main entrance. Instead, he went straight to Gareth, once again praying that his friend would be able to help.

“What happened?” Gareth asked, working quickly as he examined you.

“I-I don’t know,” Eddie spoke in a rush, “We got separated. When we finally found each other she collapsed not long after.”

Gareth nodded his head as he pointed a small flashlight into your eyes, feeling a small spark of relief when your pupils dilated.

“We need space, Eddie. I’m sorry.” Gareth explained, already pushing on his friend's chest. Pushing him away from you.

His throat choked with panic as his dark eyes focused on you.

“The medical wing is filling up with more people than we’re prepared for. I will do everything I can, but please.” Gareth spoke again before Eddie was out the double doors.

Eddie stood there and looked through the small circular window as he saw Gareth walk back to you. He didn’t get to watch for long – not as the curtain was pulled and everything was out of sight. Steve and Wendy came running down the hall as Eddie leaned against the wall, dropping his hands to his knees, and letting out a pathetic cry.

Eddie didn’t care that he looked weak at that moment.

He didn’t care what others would think of him as the tears moved down his dirt and blood-stained face.

All he could think was that finally his luck ran out and he was going to lose you.

Eddie’s leg anxiously bounced as he sat at your bedside, his eyes focused on your bruised face, the need to sleep causing a headache to form.

“You need to go and get some rest,” a gentle voice spoke from his left.

Blonde hair and bright blue eyes looked down at him with a gentle smile spreading across her lips. She walked to the empty side of your bed and bent down to overcheck the dressings wrapped around your ribs. You refractured the little healing your ribs did from your last injury.

That wasn’t the scariest part.

No. The scariest came from when no one was able to figure out what the damage to your head.

After speaking with Wendy, who was in a quarantine room currently, Gareth was able to determine that you had smacked your head when fighting with Henry. The additional head trauma to what you’d already been through, on top of the possible concussion – your body had simply been through too much.

No matter how much Gareth tried to tell him that rest was good, that your body needed it, needed it to heal. Eddie didn’t care. He wouldn’t believe that you were okay till you once again opened your eyes.

“I’m sorry…what?” Eddie spoke, blinking his eyes a few times to relieve some of the fatigue he was feeling.

“You should go and get some rest. Staying up and torturing yourself isn’t going to help her out at all.” Chrissy, one of the new volunteers for the medical wing spoke. “I’m sure she’d want you to take care of yourself, no?”

Eddie didn’t answer even though he knew that she was right. They sat in a long moment of silence as Chrissy checked you over, it wasn’t till she was about to leave that he spoke.

“I don’t want to leave her,” Eddie spoke softly. So soft, Chrissy wasn’t sure if she heard him at all. “Not when she needs me.”

Chrissy smiled slightly, with nothing but gentleness in her eyes, “Go and shower, get some sleep, eat, and come back. If she wakes before you can make it back here, I’ll come and get you myself.”

Eddie opened his mouth, but she raised a hand to stop him.

“You’re covered in dirt, blood, and god knows what else. She is not going to want to see you like that. Trust me,”

Eddie nodded his head, “The moment she wakes?”

“I will come and get you.” Chrissy agreed.

Eddie sat there for a moment, his dark moon eyes falling on your form, before looking back to Chrissy and standing. He took a half step forward before sweeping back your hair, and bending down, to brush his lips against your forehead.

“I’ll be back, sweetheart, I promise,” Eddie whispered before kissing your forehead again.

“Thank you,” Eddie said to Chrissy before walking away from your bedside and heading toward his trailer.

Where he took a cold shower, washed the dirt from his pale skin, and changed his clothes before crawling back into bed.

It didn’t take much effort for sleep to take over his mind.

But when the dreams did come – he was once again just a boy from a trailer park but this time holding the girl that he loved most.

Eddie walked slowly around his trailer as the early morning started to come up through the trees. The sleep that he had wanted, more so needed, barely came. He spent more time tossing and turning with worry than anything else. He poured his coffee into a worn mug he’d kept in a cupboard. It was weird for him to walk around and not hear you padding around in the bedroom or bathroom.

But he tried not to focus on that, knowing it would only cause his worry to increase, but it was there in the back of his mind. Instead, he dressed and headed out of his trailer and to the main area of the Camp. He helped out with those who needed it and picked up a little more work wherever it was seen needed. They had lost a few people – meaning there were fewer hands in some areas to keep the Camp running.

“We might need to run a raid soon, Hopper said that some of the supplies are running down quickly, especially medical needs,” Steve spoke as he and Eddie worked with unloading some of the food grabbed from the small garden. The last few crops it seemed with the weather getting colder.

“I had a feeling that would be coming up,” Eddie sighed, wiping away his curls from his forehead. “Do we even have enough for a run?”

“We’d either have to gather new recruits or with a smaller group.” Steve shrugged.

Eddie hesitated for a moment, “How is Robin? I haven’t seen her around since we’ve come back.”

“Not…not great.” Steve paused for a moment before continuing, “Losing Vicki really seemed to send her over. It’s going to take some time.”

Eddie nodded his head in understanding before continuing to finish up their project. Once the two men were done, they headed back up to the main floor. Eddie couldn’t help but look down the hallway that led toward the medical wing. Steve caught the moment and saw the frown that deepened on his friend's face.

“How is she?” Steve asked with a soft voice.

A heavy sigh passed through Eddie’s lips, looking down as his hands grasped together tightly.

“I-I don’t really know outside of that she had suffered some trauma to her head, or at least that’s what Gareth is saying was the cause. Not much they can really do with the little that they have.” Eddie looked to his friend, “I’m trying not to hover and be in the way, but…it’s hard…I worry. I can’t go back to how it was before she was here, Steve. I can’t.”

“Who said that you have to? Why would that thought come into your mind, man.” Steve spoke hurriedly.

“I can’t help it.” Eddie shook his head, “I just…can’t help it.”

Eddie sighed heavily and walked the trail back to his trailer, before changing out of his clothes, and into something more comfortable. And then he walked the path once again and down to the medical wing. He walked by a few that he saw resting in the cots, a few tending to them, or family sitting with them.

But his focus was on you and only you.

You were tucked beneath the blanket that was draped across you, fresh bandages along your knuckles and forehead. Eddie grabbed the chair that sat pressed against the wall beside your bed before taking a seat. Your face was still serene from the deep sleep you were in despite the bruises that decorated your face.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie spoke as he reached over and grabbed your hand gently, before continuing and telling you about his day.

Hoping in some way it would not only bring you comfort.

But have you come back to him.

I hope that you enjoy the new chapter, a short little filler. Please reblog, like, or comment if you enjoyed it!

@mopeymopeymouse / @aris-house / @brxkenartt /@akiratoro420

@stylesxmunson/ @aactuaaltraash / @fandomgirl17 / @ches-86/ @chaoticcancer / @munsonology / @bellamy-barnes / @theonlyh3artbreaker / @idkidknemore / @familyvideowithsteve / @eddiesdingus / @thefemininemystiquee / @the-world-is-a-mess-and-so-am-i / @xdarkcreaturex / @lunr-flwr / @cherry-omi/ @im-emma22@munson-enthusiast / @munsonmecrazy / @jupitar-jul / @katiemrty/ @maddie-luvs-eddie /@eddiemusworld/ @ih3artdanielle / @eddiesguitarskills / @hargrovesswifee /@chaoticcancer / @rh1nestonecowg1rl / @atombombbibunny /@munson-enthusiast / @hellf-1-re / @fangirling-4-ever / @corrcdedcoffin /@sidthedollface2 / @emma77645 / @eddiiiieeee /@beep-beep-sherlock / @moldy-khunt / @bokutoswifey /@trixyvixx / @lma1986 / @plk-18 / @sav12321

[dbnightingale24]

Getting Lost In The Silence With You

An Emmett Lovestory

~~

~~

Surprise, and Happy Halloween!!

I just wanted to make something fluffy and loving, since I'm always giving you guys angst and despair 🙃 anywho, I hope you all enjoy this little story, I hope you're enjoying one of the best days ever, and please be safe! As always, thank you to @fuckingbyefor the amazing moldboard, and for just existing. Alright, enough of my rambling, enjoy!

Like always, Tumblr is on it's bullshit, so I'm only gonna post part of it here, and leave the link to my AO3 if you wanna read all of it.

Word Count: 15,618

Warnings: SMUT (18+ Minors DNI), Swearing, Drinking, Heartbreak, Dealing with Loss, FLUFF, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Self Doubt, A Bit of Self Loathing, uhh...I think that's it?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: You Are The One I Waited For, I Knew It All Along

~~

I do not give permission/consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere.

~~

You keep your giggles quiet as you feel something tickling your toes.

Emmett.

‘Happy birthday,’ he smiles down at you after your eyes finally open.

This has been routine for the past three years now, and you can’t help but smile at the fact that you and Emmett have had each other to lean on. You wonder how something so beautiful came from such an ugly turn of events.

When Emmett found you, you were both wary of one another. He hadn’t meant to find you, and you hadn’t meant to find him. He stumbled across where you’d been hiding, searching for materials to stock up on. The second he found you hiding, you both pulled your guns on one another. While you were more than sure that he could see the fear in your eyes, you saw the emptiness and despair in his. Yet the longer he looked at you and the more you shook, the softer his features became.

He held a finger against his lips, a sign for you to be quiet, and slowly led you out of the closet. You warily grabbed the few of the things you had and followed him. You’re not sure why you followed him to this day.

“What were you doing there?” he asked softly, once you two had reached where he was hiding out, putting away the few supplies he was able to scrounge up on his trip.

“The same thing everyone else who’s alive is trying to do. Hiding.”

“That’s a terrible hiding spot.”

“It worked out just fine for me for the last two months.”

“Are you alone?”

Silence.

He turned around to see you standing there, eyes watering as you tried to look anywhere but at him.

You’d been alone for a year at the time. There hadn’t been anyone you’d confided in, and you didn’t find yourself wanting to know anyone. The last person in life died in your arms and you’d decided to keep to yourself from then on out. It just felt like the best idea; the safest in this world surrounded by danger.

“I don’t mean to be harsh, you just...that spot was dangerous. Even more so if you’re alone. Have a seat. Have you eaten today?”

“Don’t eat much,” you mumbled, taking a seat at his table, looking around the empty space. “I don’t hunt unless I have to.”

“I’ll get you something, just sit tight,” he told you softly. 

You looked around and saw the different drawings, a few pictures, and wondered how long it’d been since he lost everyone.

“Th-thank you,” you told him softly, pulling out a bottle of wine and setting it on the table.

Seemed like a pretty decent peace offering. 

“Where the hell did you get that?” he half smiled, coming over and picking up the bottle in admiration. 

“Some of it’s self made, others are from...before.”

“How old are you?”

“What’s the date?”

“October 31st.”

You smiled and shook your head, wiping away a few tears, “I’m 27 today.”

He offered a sympathetic smile, “happy birthday.”

And that’s how it started. You never intended on staying with him, and you’re more than sure he never meant to let you stay, but you both soon found that you enjoyed the company of each another. It’d been a long time since either of you had people in your lives, and it just felt nice to have someone around.

Even if you two didn’t say much to each other for the first few months.

Every once in a while, he’d hear you crying and sit by you, softly placing his hand over yours and you’d squeeze it softly. Other times, he’d have restless nights, tossing and turning for hours, and you’d just sit by him and take his hand until he felt at ease. In exchange of him getting food, you taught him how to make his own wine and vodka. You would share books, and every now and again you’d both go to the nearby falls together just to hear something.

This stayed a constant for months until he found you listening to your iPhone one day.

“How do you still have one of those?” he marveled, putting a plate of venison in front of you.

Deer was his specialty.

“My best friend figured out to make a battery one night,” you laughed softly. “She was drunk as shit, but real determined to make it work. She refused to lose all of the comforts from the way things used to be. It was the last gift she ever gave me. I’m not the best when it comes to things like that, so I try not to use it often. I don’t wanna end up breaking it and being fucked,” you finished with a scoff as you pressed ‘pause’ and set it aside.

“What’s special about today?”

“It’s Christmas Eve.”

“Explains why it’s so damn cold,” he muttered, and you laughed softly. “Anything good on there?”

“Depends on what your definition of good is,” you smirked, pouring the both of you a cup of wine. “Being a Jersey girl, there’s a lot of Springsteen on there-”

“You’re from Jersey?” he questioned before he realized he cut you off, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“No, it’s okay. We’ve never talked about it. Um yeah, I was born and raised in New Jersey. My parents moved to Millbrook after I went off to college. I was here visiting when...when everything happened. Got stuck,” you chuckled humorlessly. “At least I don’t have to worry about paying off my college loans,” you muttered as you cut up your deer and Emmett laughed.

It was the first time you’d actually heard him laugh.

~~

You can read the rest here.

taglist: @autumnrose40

[topguncortez]

Never Let Go || Whumptober Day 27 - J. Seresin, B. Bradshaw, B. Floyd, M. Garcia

whumptober masterlist

Synopsis: an interviewer sits down with some of the famous murderesses of Miramar Corrections Facility.

word count: 3.2k

@ailesswhumptober prompt: locked away

warnings: murder, character death, description of murder, hanging, innocence, cheating, cursing, mentions of mental illness

The interviewer stood outside the daunting gates of Miramar Female Corrections. It was one of the last standing all-female prisons in the states. She had been wondering when she’d get the chance to interview the four merry murderesses, especially before one hits the gallows in a couple of weeks. She strolled towards the gate, watching it roll back, taking note of the guards in the towers, machine guns pointing down at her. She would be walking into this for the next four days, interviewing each of the women for an article. They had all been arrested for the same thing and were either waiting on death row or waiting for the trial to commence. 

She walked in through the doors, the dim lighting made the building even more ominous. A guard stood by the front, glaring her up and down as she awkwardly fixed the strap of her satchel across her body. Her laptop was in her bag so she could document the interview. 

“Hello, I’m here to interview the-” 

“Yeah, we know,” The guard said at the gate as she walked in. He handed her a name tape and then ushered her into the room to walk through a metal detector. She got a quick pat down before she was pushed to follow one of the head guards, Cyclone. 

“The first one you’ll meet with is Six,” Cyclone explained as he led the interviewer past the rows of cells, women leaning against the bars calling out to them as they walked. They all seemed to have a mutual respect for Cyclone, as he nodded his head towards each of them and said good morning. The interviewer was brought to the mess hall, a large open room with metal tables bolted to the floor.

“Uh. . . why do they call her ‘Six’?” She asked Cyclone. 

“You’ll find out,” Cyclone smirked and then nodded toward a guard as they brought out a woman in an orange jumpsuit. Cyclone walked over to what was presumed to be Six and kissed her on the cheek. The guards sat her down in front of the interviewer and shackled her hands and feet to the table. Six smirked at the young girl in front of her like she was some meal on death row. 

“So I’m guessing you want to know why I killed him?” Six asked and the interviewer nodded. 

“Let’s start with his name?” 

“Oh, his name. His fucking name. His name was Mickey. . . that man, I loved him. I really fucking did.” Six said, sighing, “Met him about two years back in Salt Lake City. His little band was flying around doing some shows and I was flying back from seeing family.” 

Mickey was a short, yet vibrant-looking man. He had broad shoulders and perfect brown curly hair. His smile was bright and electrifying, drawing you in closer. There were certain essences from him, even by looking at a picture. It was clear to see why Six was so blindsided by him. Six and Mickey hit it off right away and when they both returned to New York, they moved into an apartment together. Six thought it was all too good to be true, that Mickey, the man of her dreams, the man who was truly written by a woman, was single. She thought that a man who played music and traveled, there was no way he was single. But he had assured her, night after night while kissing down her body, that there was no one else in the world but her. 

“Single he told me. . . single my ass,” Six yelled, slamming her fist down on the table, “And not only was he fucking married, oh no, no, no he had six wives. Ya know, one of those hippie fuckers.” 

Six had recalled the night she found out about Mickey’s wife, someone had called him while he was in the shower. She had answered thinking it was one of his bandmates but got the surprise of a lifetime when some woman named Allison was on the other line. Allison had told Six everything about Mickey, how he was the leader of some cult back in Utah and his first son was on his way. Six saw red, wanting nothing but to wrap her hands around his neck and keep them there until his face turned purple and he slumped down against the wall. 

“So you broke up with him?” The interviewer asked, looking over the top of her glasses as Six smirked at her. 

“He went out that night and played some little club with the band. I stayed home of course, too tired from working all day, but stayed up, like a good girlfriend, and waited for him to come home,” Six said, looking at her nails, “So when he came home, kissed him on the cheek, made him a little drink. . . ya know, some men just can’t hold their arsenic.” 

The interviewer gasped, “You poisoned him?!” 

“He had it fucking coming!” Six yelled, “It might have been murder, but it wasn’t a fucking crime.” 

“Times up, Six,” A guard said and walked over to the two at the table. She glared down at the interviewer, her eyes never leaving her as the guard undid the shackles and helped her up. The interviewer let out a sigh when she heard the rolling of the metal gates shut. 

— — — ♱♱♱ — — —

The next day was the same routine, walking in through the gates, getting the pat down from the guard, and walking down the hallway with the other inmates calling out to her. Today she was going to meet with Pop, a real wild card according to Cyclone. And she was correct. Pop’s loud giggle could be heard from the second the guard let her out of her cell. It took two large men to drag her down to the table, as her slender body squirmed against their grasp. The interviewer jumped back slightly, as Pop was putting up a fight, and yelling out curse words at the guards. Once they got her chained to the table, she smirked at the interviewer, her eyes were large with excitement. 

“You’re cute,” Pop said and the interviewer nodded. 

“Thank you, but uh. . . I’m working on a piece for the Miramar Tribune and I want to know more about your story. Your husband’s name was Bradley, correct?” 

“Bradley,” Pop smiled, “My little Bradley baby, he was so fucking cute,” her tone was light and her eyes had a dreamy look to them. But in a second everything changed, her eyes growing dark, “But so fucking annoying. Ya know how some people just have these little habits that get you down. . . like Bradley.” 

Bradley had a bad habit of popping his gum, something he had done for most of his life. Pop knew that when she first started dating him. They had a questionable age gap, but Bradley had always had a thing with flirting with danger. There was something so alluring about Bradley that brought young twenty-something-year-olds to his feet. Maybe it was his size? He was 6 foot 3, and built like a machine. Maybe it was the way he smirked and popped his gum. Pop fell in love with him the moment she saw him, sitting at some beat-up piano and playing “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. He had the biggest soft brown eyes that she had ever seen, and would give her a doe-eyed look whenever she’d tell him to stop popping his gum. Bradley was even chewing gum on their wedding day, something Pop had asked him several times not to do. 

Pop had come home that day, stressed out from her job as a grade school teacher. The kids hadn’t listened to anything she said all day, and she just wanted a nice peace with her husband. Cook dinner together, maybe open a bottle of wine, and have slow sex, but she had gotten quite the opposite when she had come home. 

“And there he was, laying on the couch, drinking a beer, chewing, no, popping that damn gum,” Pop said, her face contorting in anger. Bradley had lost his job at the local mill cause of his refusal to follow the rules and not chew gum while operating the equipment. She could tell he was a couple of sheets to the wind by the scattered beer bottles and wrappers of chewing gum on the floor. 

“So what did you do? Ask him to stop?” 

“I told him, ‘You pop that gum one more time. . .’ and he did.” 

“Did you make him spit it out?” 

“Oh yeah, he spit it out alright,” She smirked, leaning back in her chair. She lifted her hand up to look at the chipping red paint on her fingernails, “I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots. . . into his head.” 

The interviewer's eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped open, as Pop burst out into a fit of giggles, throwing her head back as she laughed wildly. The guards both took a step towards them in case they had to intervene. Pop saw them take a step forward, so she turned her body, slamming both hands on the metal table and pushing herself up so she was standing. 

“He had it coming! He only has himself to blame!” 

“He didn’t do anything! You killed him for popping his gum!” The interviewer cried. 

“If you’d have been there if you’d have heard it. . . I bet you would have done the same!” Pop yelled at her and then sat back down in laughter. The guards moved quickly, undoing her chains and carrying her back to her cell. Her laughter echoed off the otherwise quiet jail. 

— — — ♱♱♱ — — — 

Innocent. That’s what she was claiming. The next person she was set to interview claimed since the day she showed up at Miramar Corrections that she was innocent. She wasn’t like Pop or Six, she was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. They called her ‘Dove’ because she claimed she was going to be a free bird someday. Cyclone said the only way she was getting out of Miramar Corrections was in a body bag. Dove was one of the only ones sitting on death row, her impending date of doom coming up soon. She only had one more chance to beg for forgiveness in front of a judge. 

The way she walked was like an injured bird, her head was down, and unlike Pop or Six, didn’t put up a fight or smile as they sat her down in front of the interviewer. Dove didn’t even look up from her chained hands, the two of them sitting in silence for a moment until the interviewer cleared her throat and spoke. 

“You say you’re innocent, why?” 

“Because I am,” Dove said softly, her French accent so thick, it was hard to understand a single thing she said. There was no teasing tone in her voice or malice. She spoke softly, “I loved Bob. I still love him even though he is gone. I don’t know how I ended up here. . . that whole night was such a blur.” 

Bob and Dove were both kindred, soft souls. Dove was a ballet dancer and had met Bob at a bar, during a rest night in Los Angeles. The two had hit it off immediately, both being the only ones in their respective friend groups to be sober. They ended up walking along the shoreline of a beach, finding a place to sit and watch the sunrise. Bob had scrambled around to buy tickets to the nearly sold-out ballet show just to see Dove one more time before she left. But Bob had left a mark on Dove’s heart, and she had quit the French ballet tour that night, to stay in LA and be with Bob. 

Dove had been at a local dance studio, practicing until her feet bled the night of the murder. She was walking home late when she heard the fighting and the screams of her lover. She had dropped her dance bag and sprinted up the stairs to see her lover Bob lying in a pool of his own blood. Another neighbor, a little old lady from down the hall had heard the screaming and called 9-1-1. When they arrived, all they saw was the distraught Dove, Bob’s dead body in her hands, and the murder weapon. They asked no questions as they arrested her and dragged her away. 

“I-I tried to explain but they didn’t understand me.” She cried. The interviewer could see why it was hard to explain herself to the police. 

Dove went on to explain how they were both smitten and set to get married at the end of the month before Dove had to go back to France. Bob was her everything, her reason to smile, her reason to get out of bed, her reason to dance. Since that night, no matter what song was played, she couldn’t bring herself to dance. Dance had always been her escape, but nothing ever made sense since Bob’s murder. 

“Yeah. . . but did you do it?” 

“Uh-uh, not guilty!” 

Three days after that interview, Dove stood on the platform, wearing a white dress, her hair braided out of her face. The interviewer stood at the base of the platform, a solemn look on her face as Dove took center stage. She didn’t look scared, in fact, she looked as though she had come to terms with her death. To Dove, death meant getting to see her hsuband Bob again. Death was the only thing that brought her peace at night while she wished for Bob to show up in her dreams. 

Dove took a deep breath as the noose was placed around her neck. She took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, and imagined herself on stage again. Bob was right in the front row as she twirled and leaped around on stage with such fluidity. 

And as she took her final bow, the stage gave out below her. 

— — — ♱♱♱ — — — 

The last person on the list was a legend in Miramar Corrections, a sort of ringleader for all of the mistresses to look up to. Cyclone couldn’t hold back his own excitement as he led the interviewer down to the mess hall for the last interview for the article. Cicero had become a sort of true crime celebrity to anyone who had been following her case. Nervously, the interviewer chewed on her nails as she awaited Cicero to be escorted in. Except, she wasn’t escorted in. . . no, Cicero walked towards her, her heels clicking on the cement as she sat down in front of the interviewer. 

“I’m guessing you want a story,” She said, taking a drag from her cigarette, her red-painted lips leaving a stain, “My sister Natasha and I were traveling the States with this act that we had.” 

Cicero and her sister were a famous duo that had been traveling across the country. They were dancers, singers, acrobats, you name it, they did it. Cicero’s husband Jake, also tagged along with them, carrying bags, doing lights, making sure that Cicero was fed and slept well. Jake not only had an undying love for Cicero but for her sister Natasha as well. 

Jake and Cicero had a love that could only be described as explosive. They had met in the hotel of a bar that Natasha and Cicero had been staying at while on the road. It was Jake’s bachelor party, his last night of freedom as he saw it. He was set to be married to some girl whose daddy had struck rich with oil. But Jake didn’t want to take over some oil business and work himself into a coronary. He had been looking for an out ever since the engagement had been announced, and Cicero was that perfect ticket for him. 

“He was a bastard with a cute smile, and I am weaker than fucking Gumby for cute smiles,” Cicero cursed as she smoked a cigarette. 

The two had hit the ground running with their relationship. Jake had sent a letter to his fiance and family calling off the wedding and followed Cicero and Natasha around the country. However, the two of them quickly realized, they didn’t actually get along. Their fights were loud, waking up whole hotel floors and disrupting audiences. But the sex was hot and passionate. It wasn’t uncommon for Cicero to sit in the make-up chair the next day covered in love bites and bruises. 

“I fucking hate him. . .but I hated to not fuck him,” She giggled. 

“So what went wrong?” 

The last number in their act, the sister did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row. Flips, walkovers, cartwheels, spread eagles, splits, anything you name it, it was in the final spectacle. After the show that night, Natasha had given Jake a longing look, and look that had been shared weeks before between the two. One that meant when Cicero was asleep, Jake would sneak down to Natasha’s room and roll around in the sheets. 

“This one night before a show at the hotel Cicero, we were having some drinks with the crew in Jake and I’s room, shared some laughs. And I noticed we were out of ice, so I offered to go get some,” Cicero said, her lips enclosing on her cigarette again as she drew in a deep breath. She let out the smoke, looking up at the rows and rows of cells surrounding them, “I come back. . . and there is Natasha and Jake doing number seventeen, the spread eagle.” 

“He was. . .” 

“Face first into the nasty piece of loose gash,” Cicero snarled, “But I was in such a state of shock, I must have blacked out, that’s a traumatizing thing to go through, watching your husband and sister fuck each other, but I can’t remember a thing.” Cicero smirked, “Well sweetheart, it wasn’t until I was washing the blood off my hands that I knew those two were dead.” 

“And you still went on and did a show that very night! In fact, it was your best one yet! I covered it, I was there for the tribune!” 

Cicero shrugged as she stubbed out her cigarette, “Those men used and abused us. They took a flower in its prime.” 

She was right in a way. All the women that had been interviewed had either been cheated on, lied to, or neglected. The interviewer looked around the jail at the women who were walking around. Each of them had their own story to tell. Cicero followed her sight and smiled, as she stood up from the table, and reached acrossed, closing her laptop. The interviewer jumped and looked up at her, her red lips smirking. 

“How could you tell us that we were wrong?” 

Three days later, when the paper printed and the newsboys delivered their stack to the jail, Cyclone dropped a stack on one of the metal tables in the commons. Each of the mistresses grabbed a copy, wanting to spread their five minutes of fame with the whole block. Cicero smirked as she leaned back in her spot, reading the cover and looking at the picture of her, Jake and Natasha on the front. 

‘The Cell Block Tango: Murder, but not a Crime’

taglist: @els-marvelvsp @sarahsmi13s @topgun-imagines @cassiemitchele @xoxabs88xox @seitmai @a-reader-and-a-writer @bradleybeachbabe @kmc1989 @senawashere @beautifulandvoid @ohtobeleah @rogersbarnesxx @oatmealisweird @dempy @devil-angel-winchester @gillybear17

[charlewiss-writes]

behind the lense / felipe drugovich

masterlist

part 27: camera (part of one-word november prompts!)

pairing: felipe drugovich x photographer!reader

summary: he liked to take pictures before as a side hobbie apart from racing. but now that he found his muse, he's been hiding more often behind the lense, not knowing how to ask you out.

word count: 1.3k

being 22, you could never have dreamed of the position you were in at the moment: walking through the paddock, camera in hand and a press pass hanging on your neck. the weather in abu dhabi was humid and hot, but you couldn't care less at the moment. your first year as a photographer for f1's social media was coming to an end, and you still couldn't believe that this was your work. you were beyond grateful. due to being present at the immense majority of the gp's that occurred this year, your face was already known amongst the different teams. you had hit it off particularly well with mclaren's garage, being the main inspiration for lando and daniel to bought a camera and start their photographies accounts.

there was a big crowd around the aston martin's garage, and you quickly figured out it was thanks to seb. being the last grand prix of the season, the fourth time world champion's career was coming to an end, so everyone wanted to have a final look at the german. you could never have enough seb's pictures, so you tried to make your way into the multitude, until you bumped into someone's back. the man, you realized, was wearing an aston martin's shirt, so you figured he was a part of the team, even though you hadn't seen him before -you thought you would remember meeting someone this handsome before-. he politely smiled at you, like you two were the closest friends, and gave away his space so you could get alongside sebastian and snap a few pictures. he remained behind you, close but not enough to be invasive, protecting you from the occasional shoves the people around you propined to try and get closer to the driver. once you were done, you grinned back at him and started to make your way out of there, feeling a bit trapped after being so close to so many people.

"i'm sorry, i think we haven't met before".

when you turned to look at whoever had made that comment, directed towards you -at least, that's was what you could guess-, you were pleasantly surprised to find the handsome stranger who had played as your security guard a few moments ago.

"y/n, photographer for f1's socials. you? i feel like i haven't seen you before".

he smiled due to your implicit confession: he was important enough to be remembered by you. "felipe. half time photographer" the boy said, showing you the camera that was attached to his neck. he was about to say something else to you, when lance grabbed him by his shoulders and yanked him, startling the poor man. "you're needed at the garage, drugo, the car's waiting for you" the canadian said, without noticing that his friend was in the middle of something. when he lifted his eyes and saw you, it was like you could see how an idea came to mind. "y/n! so great to see you here. would you take a picture here with my friend? i need to post something congratulating the new f2 world champion!".

he was rushed by lance, so you couldn't talk to him and ask why hadn't he told you who he really was. and even though you didn't run into him for the remainder of the weekend, felipe still found his way to make you smile when he followed you on instagram on monday morning, after the season had ended and you were already at the plane to come back home. the three months that separated one season from the other were spent getting to know eachother, first through texts and then via facetime: you two hit it off instantly, keeping always in touch. because of this, you quickly noticed how much you missed him when he was too busy working with aston martin, or how often he checked his phone to see if he had gotten any messages from you when it was morning on your timezone.

when you came back to the paddock once the 2023 season had begun, you quickly made your way to the aston martin garage, where you knew felipe was at. since signing his contract to be a reserve driver, you assumed that the brazilian would be there. you realized your suppositions where correct when you heard his voice, this time, in real life, and not through some device. "are you looking for someone?" he jokingly said. you turned around and gave him a big hug, answering to his ask. "some handsome part-time photographer, do you happen to know who he is?" you hadn't meant to be so forward, and even though you two flirted as a joke on a daily basis, it was different when you were actually face to face. thankfully, he just laughed and hugged you even tighter.

"i think i know where he is. should we go look for him, amor?".

after months talking, you always come back to talk about photography: after all, it was what had brought you together. so now that you had reunited, it was only right that the first thing you did together was walk through the paddock and take as many pictures as you could. sometimes, you would sneakily take a picture of him, that would be kept hidden in a folder where nobody could see. it wasn't that you were ashamed of the newfound love you had for the driver, but rather than you didn't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship for some weird feelings that you weren't sure were even real. maybe you only liked him because you had a few things in common that you could talk about for hours. you were sure that you weren't actually in love with him. maybe, you were trying to convince yourself that you weren't.

after a few hours roaming the area, you decided it would be best for you and your poor, tired, feet, to go back to the aston martin garage to rest for a bit. when you were about to reach your destination, you noticed that felipe had stopped walking beside you, and when you turned, he was a couple of meters behind, still. "what happened, feli?" you called him by the nickname that you gave him back when you first started talking. "can i take a picture of you?" he shyly said. felipe knew that you preferred to remain behind the lense at all cost, noticing this for the first time when he checked your instagram page and there wasn't a picture where your face showed entirely: you were always hidding, either behind the lense on a mirror pic, or somehow covering your face with your hands.

felipe didn't understand why you did it. he thought you were the most beautiful person in the world, ever since seeing you and your worried face for the first time, back in november when you were trying to make your way through the crowd. at the time, he hadn't realized just important you would become to him. and now, after all these months knowing about his feelings for you, he still wasn't sure how would he manage to ask you out without die trying. so the only way he found was through the camera, and with lance's help. you groaned at his persistence in taking a picture of you, but knowing that you had taken plenty of him throughout the day, you felt kinda obliged to let him have at least one.

when you returned towards him to see how the photo had turned out, you saw a certain canadian behind you, holding a sign with the words "do you want to go out with me?" messily scribbled. you laughed when you saw it, face turned red, and trying very hard to mantain eye contact with felipe. "are you behind this?" you tried to say with a serious face, but you couldn't keep your lips from curling into a smile. "i don't know. if you say yes, i might be" he replied, grinning.

[animesavior]

“Kal-El of Krypton! I answered your call. The Beacon reached me across your Galaxy, the only other Kryptonian in existence. And I arrive, only to see you brought me to this...sickening display. [Superman: "You're Kara, you're my cousin?"] And you're a disappointment. I thought I would find a warrior. Instead, I find a joke, a lapdog, serving his entertainment to a weak and dissolute world. I'm not saying that there aren't temptations here. But a true Kryptonian pushes through. This planet it's made you soft. [Superman: "What are you saying?"] You have two choices, join me in conquering this planet, or kneel before your new Kryptonian Empire.” -          Kara Zor-El, My Adventures with Superman (Season 2, Ep. 05)

The Toonami Trending Rundown for June 15-16, 2024. We reach the halfway point of My Adventures with Superman season 2 as Clark reunites with his long-lost cousin Kara. And among other great moments, we’re coming down the stretch with three more episodes of Zom 100’s first season after this week, as Akira returns home to his family; while Usopp and the Dwarves attack Sugar to try and stop her control of the toys.

For this week’s trending on Saturday, #Toonami trended in the USA on Twitter alongside My Adventures with Superman and Zom 100. No trends for Toonami Rewind on Friday were spotted this week.

This week’s feature was a new bumper ID titled “Screen Updates.” You can check it out below:

While there have been rumors and inclinations from Adult Swim that they do plan on producing a second season of Ninja Kamui, there is no official word on whether a second season is presently in production at this time. In a since-deleted news release by Business Wire, the article included a passage signifying that a second season of Ninja Kamui was in the works, saying ““NINJA KAMUI” anime series has become the most viewed anime ever in the history of both Adult Swim & MAX,” said Joseph Chou, CEO of Sola Entertainment. “We hope this game will continue to entertain the fans around the world while we work on Season 2 of the anime.””

However, Jason DeMarco has denied such an announcement, saying that “A second season has not been announced.” Chou later clarified to Anime News Network on Wednesday: “that the game's PR staff inserted the quote about Sola Entertainment "working on" a second season. While he said that they are considering new ideas, "there is nothing official at all."”

Next month, the block will be in a bit of a transition period as both Zom 100 and My Adventures with Superman will be completing their respective seasons on July 6 and July 20th respectively. For the nights of July 13 and 20th, both One Piece and Demon Slayer will have doubleheaders on the lineup on 12:30-1:30 a.m. and 3-4 a.m. respectively. Furthermore, on July 27, which ironically enough is Comic-Con week this year, My Adventures with Superman will be getting a marathon of all 10 episodes of its second season, a week after its season finale.

Not much else to say other than we hope you had a great Father's Day and Juneteenth, congratulations to the Boston Celtics on winning their record 18th NBA Championship, and stay gold.

Legend: The shows listed are ordered based on their appearance on the schedule. Show trends are listed in bold. The number next to the listed trend represents the highest it trended on the list (not counting the promoted trend), judging only by the images placed in the rundown. For the Twitter tweet counts, the listed number of tweets are also sorely based on the highest number shown based on the images on the rundown.

Toonami Rewind Trends

Tweet Counts:

Adult Swim [9,260 tweets]

#SailorMoon [2,886 tweets]

Toonami Trends

United States Trends:

#Toonami [#17]

#MyAdventuresWithSuperman [#11]

#Zom100 [#9]

Tweet Counts:

#MyAdventuresWithSuperman [1,314 tweets]

If you wish to send me a tip for the work on the trending rundown, donations can be sent to PayPal.Me/DanielLimjoco.

Only Toonami on [adult swim] on Cartoon Network.

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 6

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 28.5k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: The last one ended in quite an intriguing note, didn't it? Hope this one answers some questions but I can't promise there's not gonna be more to rise by the end of it lol. Very much excited to see how you lot react to this one, I absolutely adore reading you reactions every time! It's a little roller coaster from now on I'd say... Enjoy!

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

(27/07/2012 16:10) Holy shit Alex! The Olympics opening ceremony?! Congratulations!! You and the guys did amazing!!!

Alex was on a high, his hands had been shaking ever since they had been told they were due on stage at the Olympic Stadium in fifteen minutes, his heartbeat thud in his ears even after having come back to the box they had been assigned to watch the rest of the ceremony; so when his phone buzzed and he saw Ella's name on his screen, he thought it was all a figment of his imagination.

But ten minutes later, when he ended the call with Andy Nicholson who had called to congratulate them, Alex had seen her name still swimming between the mass of messages he had gotten. He paused for a few seconds, his finger hovering over her name while he asked himself if he was actually seeing correctly.

When he went on her chat, he was met with the multiple texts he had sent back in February and she ignored, a bitterness came up his throat as it was still lingering even after it being months since it had happened, but just below those forgotten texts was the one she had sent him over twenty minutes before.

It was the first text he'd gotten from her after a little more than five months of no contact, no calls, no texts, no 'just watched this movie and you are gonna love it!', no 'the guitars in this song are something out of this world', not even a text when the 'R U Mine?' music video had come out just a week after she had run off set.

He missed her and he had thought of texting her every day for the first month but he was a coward and had no idea what would've been the best way to approach her since he really had no proper clue of what had happened and, if he was being honest, the blatant avoidance from her part had hurt his ego and a part of him was waiting to see if she'd be the one to reach out.

So, as his attention was taken over by Arielle, he let the days go by and waited for a chance in which they could talk again and maybe take the opportunity to clear the air. But one month turned into two and there was no effort from her side.

Arielle was a constant in his life by then, but the presence of the girl hadn't completely diminished the thought of Ella, not when he still wanted answers because the lack of clarity behind her complete switch of behavior was eating him up inside.

He had given Matt's comments that night a thought but in his mind it really didn't make sense, because to him it all had been just innocent banter with Arielle and, having experienced Ella's honesty the more they opened up to each other during that week-long tour, he knew Ella would've told him if it was that which had upset her.

Yet Ella hadn't and that led Alex to come to the conclusion that it must've just been too much for her. He had been too eager when showing his interest in her and, whilst she had been accepting of it at first, it must've built up until she just couldn't take it and reciprocate it.

There also was how she had dialed down her behavior towards him when his coworkers were there and, in a desperate attempt to think of answers on his own, Alex thought that maybe someone had commented something that just completely threw her off and made her cut it all off suddenly.

And as the weeks passed, and he gave his hypothesis a thought, he also reckoned it must've been something to save herself any heartache. Because, after all, they both knew Alex was going to leave and maybe cutting him off completely and ignoring whatever it was she felt towards him would be the best option in order to not get hurt by time and distance. Not everyone could take it and he knew just how cruel that could be.

So he didn't blame her for making that selfish decision, but he couldn't help feeling a bit disheartened about the sudden change of it all with no hint of a heads up, with no explanation at all. And there it went again, the pang in his chest when he thought of just how many things they had spoken about and how it felt so weird that she wouldn't speak to him about it.

In those months of radio silence, Alex had heard about her from the rest of the band, who got texts from her or would call her from time to time but it was not the same. So he wasted no more time, typing a response as fast as his shaky fingers could and ignoring the calls of his girlfriend to get in a picture with the lads.

(27/07/2012 16:22) Ellie! Thank you! xxxx How have you been?

(27/07/2012 16:23) Wonderful, Alex :) Say hi to the guys for me!

(27/07/2012 16:23) Will do xx They're pushing me over to get pictures, talk to you later alright? x

(27/07/2012 16:24) Sure! Talk to you soon.

He pocketed his phone as he walked towards his friends, everyone cheering as he stepped beside Matt.

Flashes had blinded him all night, the combination from the lights and the alcohol had made his head dizzy so as soon as he got home, he showered and fell right asleep. He'd had a busy night, he felt on cloud nine with his best mates and his parents beside him, his girlfriend there as well to witness one of their biggest accomplishments.

He was still elated the morning after, meaning that, after he kissed Arielle goodbye as she went to meet up with some of her friends, he remembered how he had gotten the chance to talk with Ella after so long so he took his free time to ring her up.

Of course, he was so distracted that he forgot it would be much earlier for her than for him. Her phone rang on her night table, waking her up. She only managed to grab it with her left arm, extended as far as she could and when she saw it was five in the morning, she slowly woke up from the fear that something might have happened.

Her eyes hadn't opened to see who it was before she picked up, "Hello?" her voice was groggy from sleep, and she cleared her throat right after the greeting left her lips.

"Bloody hell," Alex cursed quickly, wincing at his mistake. "I forgot it's still very early for you Ellie. Sorry." He whispered like that would help in any way.

Ella chuckled, amused at how mortified he sounded, "S'Alright. How are you? How crazy was yesterday?" A yawn escaped her lips at the end, so suddenly she didn't have time to conceal the sound of it.

A smile broke out on his face, he was eager to tell her all about it and stay on the phone with her for hours on end if she let him but just as he was going to start narrating how the night had gone, a deep groan from the other side of the call made the words get stuck in his throat.

Right after the groan came the shuffling of sheets and a question from someone he didn't know who it was that had him frozen in his place, "Who is it, babe?" Said the man who was with her, the pet name had felt like a slap across the face for Alex.

She had snorted, the way Alex had gotten used to hearing daily months before, and she replied playfully, "Just a friend who forgot about time zones, baby. Go back to sleep." Right after that, there was a faint sigh and a second or two of the sheets ruffling around before she talked back to the singer this time, "Are you still there?"

Alex could only clear his throat as he gathered his thoughts, "Yeah, erm, yes." He pinched himself to snap out of it, and to start his recount of the previous night's events, forcing himself to sound chipper. "It was mental! The stadium was packed and, bloody hell Ella, I swear I had come to terms with it and was not nervous about it when we were rehearsing but you should've seen me fifteen minutes before it was our time to perform, I was fucking shaking."

She cooed, "Oh Alex," She pouted to herself as she scratched her boyfriend's hair, smiling when the man resting on her chest hummed in satisfaction. "But you did amazing, I promise! We were just watching the ceremony, and when you guys were announced I was fully shocked. Bre told me she was in London but she never told me you were performing on the fucking Olympics!" She whisper-shouted the last part, making Alex chuckle.

"Yeah, sorry about that. We sort of couldn't tell anyone we were actually performing, Bre was surprised when Matt told her an hour before we got to the stadium."

She hummed, "Well I can forgive her then. You did The Beatles great justice as well, that cover was amazing and the whole show with the cyclists was just stunning."

"It was," Alex agreed, "Was shitting it because imagine if we butchered a Beatles song in the UK, in front of the Queen and the millions of people watching everywhere."

Ella laughed too loud, making her boyfriend flinch, "Sorry" she whispered to him and then continued, "Well, thankfully that didn't happen. You'd be exiled from your country." She continued giggling softly, "That would be just as bad as actual treason."

They both laughed for a little bit until the giggles died down to sighs. She wouldn't deny that she had missed talking to him, and she didn't like admitting it to herself but she was just very glad his voice wasn't making her feel like at the start of the year. It gave her the hope that maybe this time they could just be friends, now that she had finally let go of whatever she felt for him.

"We're going to LA next month," Alex broke the silence, his voice had a hint of doubt as if he was scared of what she would answer. "We're staying until mid-september 'cause we're gonna record the next album over there."

"Oh really?" Came from her, with just the right amount of excitement, "You're gonna start recording already?"

"We are. I have some stuff written down already and some chord progressions, I wanna see how we can complement it with the lads." He held his breath, not really knowing how it was that she'd continue to react.

Ella cooed and let out a small "Yay!" Even if at first it had been hard hearing their music after everything that had happened back in February, she hadn't been able to avoid it for that long. So she was actually excited to hear whatever they would come up with, knowing how good 'R U Mine?' already was.

"Well, Turner, you're gonna have to let me know when y'all get here so we can all catch up, I know just the place to take y'all." She warned, her voice teasing him as if he'd get in trouble if he didn't let her know like she was asking.

"Fair enough, I will let you know," the singer promised. "I'll let you go back to sleep now, sorry I woke you up so early, Ellie."

She just let out a faint giggle, just a polite one so he wouldn't feel bad about it, "It's all good, Alex, don't you worry."

"I'll talk to you later then, darling." Alex's breath caught in his throat instantly, upon realizing he had just called her by the pet name he hadn't used in so long.

But Ella didn't flinch, it was like it had flown right past her head, "Bye Alex, talk to you later." and with that she ended the call.

Ella blew air out in relief when her insides didn't flip at him calling her darling so, she dropped her phone back on the night table and turned to cuddle closer to her boyfriend, fully at peace knowing the singer's effect on her seemed to be long gone.

Alex, on the other hand, felt something bubbling inside of him because it all kept playing on his mind. He kept hearing the man calling her 'babe' and her calling him 'baby' and just the faint notion of her having a boyfriend made him feel uneasy.

The mystery man got a face when Arielle came back to his flat. Alex had mentioned to her how he had gotten to chat with Ella on the phone, throwing in his new discovery subtly to see if his girlfriend had any information about it.

He was taken aback when Arielle dropped her bag on the settee and turned around with a knowing smile. "Oh yeah, they are so cute! I thought you had her on Instagram?" she had a slight frown while pulling up Ella's page to show Alex.

He shook his head, "No, erm, I only got it a few months ago remember? You helped me open it."

She let out an elongated "Ohhhh," as she clicked on Ella's page, "Well you should've asked me for her page silly, I thought you already had her there since she's your and the guys' friend."

He pulled out his phone and handed it to her, Arielle gave him her phone so he could see Ella and her boyfriend together. But his eyes were met with a very different Ella, one he almost didn't recognize, and he felt goosebumps break on his skin at the same time his body lit up on fire.

On the bottom of her page he could see her typical analog shots, of bits and pieces of cities and artsy photoshoots with models taken by her, but as he slowly scrolled up her page there were tons of picture of her in motorcycles, wearing leather and, in a particular one, not much more than a bikini and her cowboy boots.

That picture was the first one that caught his eye but he wasn't going to start ogling Ella's Instagram and get all flustered about it in front of his girlfriend so he scrolled further up until he stumbled upon a picture of her and her boyfriend.

He knew what he felt was jealousy because how could he not? When she stood there with her back to the camera but her face turned to the side, and the man's hand was in the back pocket of her jeans as he kissed her cheek, which had ended with her scrunching up her nose in response. He missed that face much more than he'd ever let on.

Alex could feel Arielle's eyes on him so he forced himself to smile fondly, "Yeah, they're cute."

Arielle grabbed her phone back from him as she slid his phone towards him, "I know right? Have you told Ella we're coming next month?"

He nodded, locking his phone right after hitting 'follow' and then he walked towards the balcony that was in his room—he needed a cigarette. "I did," he nodded as he grabbed his Marlboro reds from the coffee table in his living room, "She said to let her know when we're there, she wants to take us to this cool pub she found."

A bright grin appeared on Arielle's face, "Oh I'm so excited to see her again, she's so lovely isn't she? You know she got me that big Coke campaign? The one that got me invited to that event that got me an agent?"

He paused in the middle of the hallway, "Oh really? Well, that's very nice of her."

"I have to buy her a few drinks as a thank you for it." Arielle finished while she turned on the TV, Alex took it as a sign to leave her to it.

Once he got to his room and out to the balcony, he wasted no time to unlock his phone and scroll through Ella's pictures.

Her hair was darker now, she'd dyed it fully black and she looked amazing with it. Her ears looked like they were now adorned with multiple piercings but it wasn't just her ears that had jewelry, she had a septum piercing now. The thin gold piece of jewelry subtly poking from the bottom of her nose. She looked so different but still as stunning as ever.

In about five minutes of scrolling he had also found out that she'd gotten a bike, and both she and her boyfriend seemed to drive around California in their free time. There were pictures of her driving in the back of her boyfriend's bike surrounded by a large group of bikers and she'd captioned it 'nothing better than driving down the coast with your biker friends and the sunset in the background.'

There were pictures of her and her boyfriend in Tennessee, one in particular that made him take the longest drag out of his cigarette. Her boyfriend was sitting on the grass by a wooden fence, his legs spread as she sat in between them. Her brown cowboy boots on and a little white dress, her boyfriend had a cowboy hat that was hiding them kissing in the picture. The caption read, 'he's a cowboy like me.'

Another picture that made his blood boil was one that had captured her ass being groped by one of her boyfriend's hands. She was wearing some really small high waisted shorts that hugged her bottom perfectly and he wanted nothing more than to be in the place of that man. He let out a long sigh when he read 'he says i'm a handful'.

But then he scrolled further up and he lost his breath again at the picture of her in a bikini he hadn't really gotten to properly see before. She was wearing a silver bikini and her black cowboy boots as she sat on her bike, one of her legs was up as she rested her heel on the seat. She had her hands set a little behind her ass so she was leaning backwards with her head slightly thrown back, her face was half covered by a cowboy hat but it couldn't fully hide her closed eyes and her open mouth. It looked like she was moaning and Alex was losing it.

Fuck.

He went to the bathroom then, his pants too tight after he'd seen the picture and he didn't know what to do. It was either a cold shower or a guilty wank.

He was quick to jump in the shower, the water cold as it hit his chest and his face, but as he closed his eyes he found the picture engraved in his mind, meaning he wasn't finding a solution in the cold shower.

He came rather fast, a few minutes it took him as he imagined the noises she would make. Replaying her voice saying 'baby' and imagining how she'd sound moaning that in his ear. But afterwards, as his consciousness came back to him, he started to feel bad. His girlfriend was right outside, while he fucked his fist to the thought of someone else.

This is the first and last time, he promised himself.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Ella had gotten a call from Matt's phone about a week before the band was due back in California, they had started it by yelling out her name and she'd chuckled at their volume. The lads had told her that they were landing in Los Angeles on Saturday the 18th, meaning she had to wait a week to see them all again.

She had missed them quite a lot so it hadn't been a hardship to know she had little time to prepare herself for their arrival. She was mostly excited, getting to see them all again, as well as Breana who she hadn't seen in a month—and she was missing her best friend a lot—, and to see Arielle again too.

As soon as they had landed, Bre had given her a call and they had settled on meeting at the pub Ella had been talking about at around seven in the evening.

So there she was, shoving her boyfriend's bike keys in her purse before locking her fingers with his and walking through the establishment's doors. She was surprised to see them there already, as she was only five minutes late to their agreed time, but the excitement multiplied then.

It was a fairly loud place, but the ambience was spectacular. They always played the best music and the walls were filled with band posters, tour memorabilia and little trinkets that were framed on the walls to commemorate different big artists in history. She loved coming to the place, especially on karaoke nights, which unfortunately wasn't happening that day.

"Well, well, well, fancy seeing y'all here." Ella greeted as she approached the large booth and they all jumped to their feet, her name being cheered by them all.

The difference from her right then to the start of the year struck Alex harder in person. The gold on her ears and poking out the bottom of her nose contrasted beautifully against her tan skin, and her leather jacket was a fine new addition to her look. He was glad to see she was wearing a pair of cowboy boots, one he hadn't seen before but it made him smile seeing she hadn't left that behind.

She let go of her boyfriend's hand to go hug everyone. She went from Nick to Jamie, Alex, Arielle, Matt and finished with Breana who she clutched a tad tighter as she claimed, "I missed you so much!"

Breana replied, "Missed you more," before she went to Ella's boyfriend and gave him a friendly hug, "How have you been, Jules?" the nickname for him falling easily from her lips as she'd met him a handful of times before.

The man had smiled, hugging her back, "Amazing, Bre. How was your trip?"

"It was fucking lovely, you two have to come with me next." the model winked at Ella, making her roll her eyes as she blushed.

She hummed, "Maybe... We'll see." and before she could sit down beside Breana, she introduced her boyfriend to everyone. "Guys, this is Julian, my boyfriend. Julian, this is Nick, Jamie, Alex, Arielle, and Matt."

Of course his name is Julian, Alex though. Not being able to shit on his name because he shared it with one of his favorite musicians.

Julian had gone to shake everyone's hands as Ella sat down beside her best friend. Her cheeks hurt already at everyone being so nice to her boyfriend. Alex took a good look at him when he shook his hand: he was tall—about six feet he could say—, his shoulders were broad, and even if he didn't look extremely bulky, he seemed like he made it a habit to work out, his skin was tan and it complimented his wavy dirty blonde hair but it was Julian's green eyes, though, what made him want to roll his eyes. The man was good looking, and it made Alex want to punch him even more.

"Saw you guys playing at the Olympics opening ceremony, that's massive! Congratulations." He smiled at the musicians as he took a seat beside Ella, his arm snaking around her waist and she scooted the tiniest bit closer to him with a loopy smile on her face.

And he's nice too? Fucks sake. "Thanks man," said Alex with a tight lip smile, tilting his half empty glass towards him before gulping it down.

Matt wasted no time before he started teasing Ella, "So Ellie, been pretty busy then?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, "I actually have been. Focus Creeps have been doing lots of productions for artists and bands since your videos were posted and now we have another PA. I'm kind of mentoring her, which is still surreal to me that I am but yes."

Matt pouted in fake pity then, "Poor girl, she must be tired of you."

Ella scoffed and everyone laughed, including Julian. She turned to pinch her boyfriend's waist, "Why are you laughing?!" She scolded him and then turned back to call out the menace Matt was, "You are a bully, Helders." She shook her head with a frown on her face, which dissipated when Julian left a kiss on her cheek. Her face melted into one of pure bliss with a big tight lip smile.

Alex wanted to gag.

"You love me Ellie." The drummer stated with a shrug.

Ella ignored him and turned to Breana, "I really wonder how you can stand him."

"You and every one of us, Ellie." added Nick with a snort, making everyone laugh.

Ella asked them all what drinks they wanted, seeing as most of their glasses were almost empty on the table, the ice watering down whatever alcohol they were drinking. Julian and Breana had gone with her to get everyone's drinks and when they came back, it wasn't long before they fell back into conversation.

They had been including Julian, which made Ella very happy, and an hour later they had found out lots about him. He was Californian born and raised, a photographer that worked for a well acclaimed magazine, sometimes writing pieces for them as well. He also worked as a freelance photographer and videographer, he had been hired for a bunch of different jobs: from weddings that had made him travel to many places, to filming documentaries on crab fishing in Alaska.

Everyone was so entranced by that last story, that it made Ella all hot and bothered. Every time he would tell it, she always grew hypnotized by him and the way he would explain it all, especially by the way he would use his hands. So when he was done and the conversation had moved onto another topic, she leaned into his ear to have him subtly follow her to the bathroom.

Julian smirked, knowing exactly what she meant and what she wanted to happen. The girl stood up, excusing herself and made her way to the bathroom, and Julian stood up a few minutes after her.

They had been rather quickly, or at least that's what she thought as she walked back to the table with Julian following a few steps behind her. She had gone ahead and sat back on the booth whilst her boyfriend had gone to get her another drink, and that's when she was met with the fact that they hadn't been subtle at all.

The first and most obvious clue was that her red lipstick was gone and her lips were puffy. Matt had elbowed Breana softly, pointing his chin towards Ella and smirked.

"Had fun Ella?" Matt asked vaguely with a very suggestive tone.

She frowned and felt her cheeks heating up but tried to play dumb as she downed whatever was left of the vodka and sprite she'd left on the table. "Huh?"

Jamie had caught up exactly onto what Matt was saying so wanting her to just fully admit it, he pushed, "Oh c'mon Ella, your lipstick is gone."

She knew her cheeks were pink but she couldn't care that she'd been caught so she shrugged it off, "The heart wants what it wants."

"And it wanted to give a blowjob?" inquired Arielle this time with a knowing smirk on her face.

Ella nodded at her with a smug expression, "It did." She admitted, no longer giving a shit.

They all hollered and that made Ella laugh. Julian came back to the table right then, a smirk on his face as he sat down and put her drink in front of her. He didn't know what the ruckus was about but he didn't really care when he was on cloud nine and very satisfied in every meaning of the word.

"Thanks babe." Ella said to him and took a sip of her beverage, thankful that she had asked for a double vodka and sprite this time. "Oh they know, by the way." She let him know with a sheepish smile.

Julian laughed then, throwing his arm around her shoulder, "Told you to put your lipstick back on, didn't I honey?" They all laughed as Ella shook her head but found comfort in her boyfriend's hold and her drink.

Breana couldn't help but ask, "So did he return the favor?"

She took another sip of her drink, basking in the coolness of the liquid running down her throat. "We'll resume things when we get home." She winked at Breana who responded with a shriek and Julian squeezed her thigh under the table.

What the fuck? Who is this and where is Ella? Alex kept thinking. She didn't seem like her usual self, it was all so out of character that he wondered what had happened for her to be so blunt and open like this.

Jamie interrupted Alex's thoughts when he said, "Right let's change topics then, before they start shagging on top of the table."

They erupted in laughter, Alex faking it to not be obvious about his distaste on what was unfolding before him. And then a song came on that actually worked perfectly to change the subject. "Oh I love this place, their music is always on point." Julian commented.

'New York City Cops' by The Strokes was coming through the speakers, Julian Casablancas' voice mixing with the chatter around the place and the clinking of glasses.

Jamie smiled then, glad to see they were finding more things in common with the lad, "You like The Strokes?"

He nodded, "No band like The Strokes... no offense guys."

He has a good taste in music too? Alex had to try his hardest not to roll his eyes.

"None taken. There truly isn't any like them." Nick waved him off.

Ella tapped the table frantically with the pads of her fingers when she remembered something they had told her. "Oh my god! Tell him how you met them!"

"Wait, you have met them?!" Julian inquired with his eyes wide open.

Alex nodded, "Yeah man, they're amazing. We met them after the NME awards in 2006, they took pictures with us after we won Best British Band and Best New Band. I still can't believe we've met them, they were the reason we started this band—or well, the reason I wanted to start a band."

"That's fucking amazing! I'm jealous now, damn." He added with a chuckle, making everyone smile back at him.

Yeah well, not as jealous as I'm of you and whatever happened in the bathroom with your girlfriend, mate.

About thirty more minutes went by before Julian turned to whisper something in Ella's ear. She smiled fondly, gave him a kiss and whispered something back to him before giving him his keys. He stood up, saying he sadly had to go but he'd had the best time meeting them all, and telling Ella to phone him when she wanted him to pick her up right before he left the table.

Ella was all heart eyes as her eyes followed his steps towards the entrance, and when Julian turned back around to blow her a kiss and wave her goodbye, she mirrored his actions.

Breana cooed at them, "Aren't you two cute?'' She hugged Ella to her side and squished her cheeks with her free hand.

"Stop it." The PA whined with her eyes almost closed, her words barely audible as her cheeks were still being pressed by Bre's hand.

Nick settled his drink down before starting a conversation up, "Now that he's gone we can properly gossip."

That made Ella chuckle, "What do you want to know?" She rubbed her face as she was now free from her best friend's hold but still felt her fingers on her skin.

Arielle was quick to ask the first and most important question, "First of all, how did you two meet?" which everyone was really dying to ask.

Ella sighed, "Well that's half cute, half embarrassing." She finished her drink before narrating. "So it happened at this country pub I had driven past one day, I decided to just go alone one night to check it out. I was drinking some whiskey the bartender had told me was really good and wasting my time watching some college football they had on, when he sat down beside me and started talking to me. He's lucky he's cute or else I would've told him to fuck off because I just wanted to be alone." She chuckled as she reminisced.

"I was sad that day, I don't remember why though." She was lying, she remembered exactly why, as it had only been a week after whatever happened with Alex. "We must've been talking for about half an hour when they put on some music and people started swing dancing. He stood up and grabbed my hand saying we should dance too. I told him I had no idea how to and he said to just follow his lead."

She shook her head and her smile got brighter as she continued, "Fast forward five minutes later he had me in his arms, and told me to kick one of my legs up. Of course I did it wrong but he was so cute correcting me. Next thing I know he had thrown me up slightly and somehow my leg was around his neck and that's how he got me to completely turn to the other side, still in his arms."

Ella tilted her head for a second to point at Breana as she said, "The next half of the story involves her, and I'm still mortified about it."

Breana snorted at the memory, and the PA kept going, "So later that night, I was texting him and Bre at the same time. I had just gotten around telling Bre the bit with the leg when I accidentally sent him what I was going to send her..." Ella blushed hard and she paused, too embarrassed at the memory to even say it out loud.

At the cliffhanger, Jamie pushed her to continue, "Go on then, what did you say?"

"I don't even wanna say it out loud." Ella hid behind her hands, but Breana was quick to respond for her.

"She said 'One of my legs has been on his shoulders already, wouldn't mind having both legs up on them.' You're welcome Ella, now continue."

Ella gasped, letting her hands fall from her face, "I actually hate you."

Arielle had her hand covering her mouth, every single one of the lads were shocked as well. Matt was the first one to talk though, "Bloody hell, Ella! What did he say?!"

Her cheeks were red as she looked up to everyone, "He just said 'Well I wouldn't mind that either' and the rest is history. We went on a lot of dates, called each other every day if we were not hanging out together until one day we decided we already were acting like a couple so we might as well make it official."

Nick was the next one to go, "How long have you been together then?"

"It's been a little over four months." She replied quickly, knowing exactly the day off the top of her head.

Alex let his thoughts leave him before he could process them, "Not long after we left then?"

Ella avoided his gaze, playing with the straw in her empty glass, "Nope, not long after."

Alex nodded, taking the information in. It all seemed so unlike her, especially after what she'd told him about her relationships; she wasn't one for starting something with someone she'd just met and that's exactly what she was doing here.

Everyone at the table had felt the air shift around them at that last question and answer, but thankfully for everyone, Alex's girlfriend was none the wiser to the whole situation and she was a romantic so she felt like she had to know something else, "Have you said the L word yet?"

That loopy smile was brought back to Ella's face at the question, "Yes," she said shyly.

Breana gasped then and hit her arm, "What the fuck?! You haven't told me this!"

Ella turned to her, grabbing her best friend's hands, "I know, I know. It only happened a week ago so I was waiting for you to come back to tell you."

"Do tell then." Breana insisted, not really having the patience to wait until they left and she could call her so that Ella could finally tell her in private.

"Fucks sake." She cursed under her breath, seeing all eyes on her. "We were at his parents house and I had just met his sister, who has the cutest little baby. They had gone to buy dessert and left me and Julian with the baby. I was holding her and she kept blabbering on and on, and I kept acting as if I was talking with her when he just leaned into me and kissed my cheek and told me 'I love you so much'."

Breana shrieked, "Oh my god!!! Are you joking?!"

"I'm not," Ella's cheeks hurt from how big her smile was and Arielle was cooing at the story too, "I thank everything out there that we were sitting or else I swear I would've dropped the baby out of shock."

"Did you say it back?" asked Alex, sipping on his whiskey.

And curiosity killed the cat.

Ella nodded enthusiastically, "'Course I did, I adore that man." It was so easy for her to admit, and she would scream it out loud as many times as she could if she had the opportunity to.

Alex nodded in response, he was having an internal debate: he was happy that she was happy but he didn't like that it was someone else that got to be like that with her. And for that he felt so selfish.

Breana and Arielle let out long 'awh's in unison, Nick scrunching his nose at Ella before saying, "Look at you in love, it's disgusting." a fake tone of endearment on his voice.

"Right?" added Jamie in the same tone.

"You are about to get married," she pointed at the bassist first and then to the guitarist, "And you just got engaged, so don't talk shit when you're the same."

"Well I didn't just suck my boyfriend off in the bathroom, so I can definitely talk shit." Jamie was quick to reply back, making her roll her eyes.

"Can't you just let a girl have some fun? Jeez." She exclaimed before she got back up, "Anyone want a refill?" They took a fair few seconds to reply to her, she was much more straight forward now and it was leaving them stunned.

She went off with Breana again, this time Matt following right behind. But right when they got to the bar and she was waiting for the bartender to finish serving the three ladies beside her, Matt told her some news that almost made her heart stop.

"Have Ben and Aaron told you we're having you record a little documentary for us?"

She turned to the drummer faster than she realized she could, "What?" Her frown was deep, her eyes searching his to find any clue that he was just joking.

But Matt wasn't joking, "Yeah, you're gonna be at the studio with us for a few weeks during this month we're staying. I think we're coming back after the holidays to continue recording so you're joining us then as well." He explained the best he could with the little confirmed information he had.

Her mouth opened to talk but the words got stuck in her throat, "I–, erm. They hadn't told me anything, but um, yeah I'm gonna ask them on Monday."

"Brilliant!" The drummer replied before letting the bartender know what drinks they wanted.

Once they got back to the table and they had given everyone their respective drinks, their conversations resumed. They had pinballed from the Olympics to Nick's upcoming wedding planned for exactly a year from then, to some celebrity gossip they had heard around at the Olympics to the pictures taken that day and that's how Ella had ended up saying:

"You two are actually adorable," her gaze stuck on Alex and Arielle, the couple just smiled at her. "I've seen so many pictures of you everywhere, I'm so happy for you guys."

Arielle brought her hand to her chest and cooed, "Awh thank you, Ella."

Ella took a sip of her drink, really needing the liquid courage to ask her first question, "How long have you been together then?" Her tone made it seem lighthearted and like she was just making small talk but this was it for her, the last thing she wanted to know before fully putting the matter to rest.

Arielle turned to Alex, looking directly into his eyes for a few seconds like the answer was right there and then turned back to Ella, "So it started that night when we filmed 'R U Mine?' remember?" She asked Ella, and the PA could only fake a tender knowing smile as if that night hadn't been awful for her for that same thing.

"He left right after, but I was going to the UK with a friend a couple of weeks later so we met up over there and," She blushed slightly and grabbed the singer's hand on top of the table, rested her head on his shoulder and shrugged, "It all just happened, I suppose. So it's been about three months hasn't it?"

He hummed, squeezing her hand. "I reckon three, yes."

"Awh, adorable." Ella replied with a sweet smile, she felt relieved by the sense of closure. Yes it did sting a bit how fast he had changed her, not even 48 hours after they had gone on a date back then and how he had decided to make the girl he'd switched her for his girlfriend; but the hurt lasted for a few seconds, she felt free then. The whole situation had somehow brought her Julian, and she was very much grateful for that.

"You didn't tell me how that talent recruitment event went, Arielle. Was it good?"

Arielle gasped then, "Ellie, you're a godsend for that! After the Coke campaign I got the invitation for it and I'm signed now!"

Ella clapped her hands, "That's fucking amazing! Congratulations!"

And that's how they spent the next three hours, talking about everything that they'd missed in the past months they hadn't seen each other. Until Julian had called Ella to check up on her and tell her he was already done at his parents' house, and he could come by picking her up in the next twenty minutes.

She accepted her boyfriend's proposal, it was nearing midnight and she was spent. She promised to see them all soon again when she got a text from Julian saying he was outside, grabbing her purse from beside her and pocketing her phone before hugging everyone goodbye.

From the table they had the perfect view of the street, meaning they got to see how Ella basically threw herself onto Julian's arms, him catching her and clutching her tight as they swayed for a few seconds. He pulled back to shower her face in kisses, and ended it all with a chaste kiss on her lips. When Ella pulled back she grabbed the helmet from his hand and put it on to leave on his bike.

"Ugh, I love them." Bre was the first one to talk, making everyone nod in agreement as they watched them drive away.

"They're like one of those hot biker couples you see in movies." Arielle added and Breana hummed.

Nick nodded, "They are."

Alex rolled his eyes automatically because they actually were, and he hated it. But then his girlfriend's voice brought him back to where they were and after that, all he could recall was drinking the night away.

What he hadn't seen was that Bre caught his annoyed face and that only made the model want to fight the singer in the very spot. She was aware of what had happened, after she had managed to scoop it out of Ella many weeks after that eventful week in February, and she couldn't blame her for keeping her distance from the man. He had been an absolute asshole, so for him to be acting all bratty over Ella being happy and in love with someone else, like he didn't have his very own girlfriend sitting beside him, had Breana fuming.

The audacity this dickhead has, she thought.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It had been true, what Matt said. Ben told her she'd be spending the following fortnight at the studio recording the band like she'd done twice before. Only this time, she'd have to permanently try to get footage of their time in the studio—whether it was them fucking about or actually making music.

She'd let out a big sigh when Ben left her sitting at her desk, emails to respond looking at her face as she made peace with what was coming. It's just gonna be like hanging out with them and having fun, she told herself to ease her nerves. There was something about being alone with them again—with Alex—that was making her feel uneasy, slightly scared of how awkward it may be or how uncomfortable it could feel.

Just breathe.

That's what she told herself as her boots scrunched on the dirt, her steps firmly taking her up to the front door and she knocked. A lovely man with a long gray beard, called David, let her in, showing her the way and she thanked him with a smile.

She was rather surprised by the look of it all, the studio seemed so laid back and much like a little southern cabin in the middle of the desert. It was a stark contrast to the studios she had visited before but the place being so casual made her feel more comfortable.

In her left hand, she was carrying a cup holder in which she had five cups of coffee. She was hoping the gesture would serve as a good sign that all was good by her and she planned to keep it that way. She would try her hardest not to make it awkward.

She took a deep breath before she opened the door and was greeted by the band and their confused expressions which only lasted a few seconds. When they realized it was Ella they erupted in cheer as if they hadn't seen her just last week.

She giggled, "Good morning guys, you're very energetic today." She let her bag drop from her shoulder onto a settee that was set next to the door. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought you coffee."

Nick sighed and went over to hug her, "No, you're actually a lifesaver. Planning a wedding through the phone is a nightmare."

Ella cooed but a chuckle cut it short, "Awh Nick," and after they hugged, she lifted the cup holder to read which one was Nick's. "Here you go." She handed the bassist his coffee and then turned to the rest of the band.

"I got them as I remembered you liked them. Hope your orders haven't changed much since February."

Maybe mentioning February hadn't been the best idea because the room fell silent for a few seconds, but they had felt like an eternity.

Fuck.

Thankfully, Matt decided to be the menace he always was and made the tension lift up from her shoulders by chatting back, "Not the best PA, are you?"

She rolled her eyes, "I haven't been here for five minutes yet and I already wanna strangle you."

He winced, "Sorry Ellie, not really into getting choked myself but nice try."

Her sigh was loud and it made them laugh. She just decided to hand Jamie and Alex their coffees, to which they thanked her for, before grabbing hers and taking a gulp of her now warm beverage.

"Well," she started, setting her cup down on a coffee table in the middle of the room, "Get on with what you were doing, act like I'm not here."

Matt was quick to tease her, "Brilliant, just what I wanted to do."

She scoffed, not impressed by his antics. She was regretting asking superior powers for a brother when she was a kid because Matt was definitely like an older brother to her now and he was more annoying than she'd expected one to actually be.

"I will actually fight you Matthew, so shut up."

Matt cackled, "Would love to see you try." And before she could bite back, he started playing a beat on the drums that drowned everyone else's voice.

She kept to doing her own thing, turning the camera on and recording them. It was interesting seeing it unfold before her eyes. The way Matt kept coming up with different drum patterns to which Nick jumped in with his bass.

There was a moment in which Nick came up with the start of quite a catchy bass line and Jamie was quick to tell him to keep going whilst he grabbed a guitar to add to it. Soon enough it felt like the instruments were playing with the other as if chasing each other's chords and melting into one lovely melody that had them all nodding like that was it.

Matt started forming a beat around them and Alex stood up to grab his guitar and tried with different chord combinations to jump into it. Alex kept writing down the bass tabs and the guitar chords they were using in a journal he had, which seemed to have songs he'd written as well because he was quick to flip through the pages and sing a few lines to see how they would fit in the song.

Ella could see him scribbling around the pages as he kept singing whatever came to mind and building up the song.

When the zeros line up on the 24-hour clock

When you know who's calling even though the number is blocked

When you walked around your house wearing my sky blue Lacoste

And your knee socks

They stopped for a few minutes, Alex still sitting in his chair bopping his head to what they had just created, still playing in his head. She kept the camera on him and his concentrated face, the way he would quickly write around the pages on his journal had her intrigued.

This was a moment that she knew she'd feel glad she caught on tape in a few years, just because she had a feeling that whatever they were starting in the studio was going to be bigger than they'd ever anticipate.

The band had grown somewhat infatuated by the origins of the song, stuck on different ways they could take the main melody. They had settled already that it sounded like a perfect chorus so they'd build the song around that.

When James Ford got to the studio, it was like he had stepped into a vortex since he got sucked into the process so quickly that he had barely been able to properly say hello to Ella.

After an hour and a half of non-stop brainstorming that Ella had been hearing as background noise while she read through some emails and scheduled calls with clients, they decided to take a break. Everyone left, or that's what she thought as she typed away, until she was startled by a sneeze.

"Jesus, fuck!" She lowered her macbook screen, her eyes wide from the scare. "Oh– Bless you, Alex."

He smiled at her, a shy one that seemed a little tense. "Thanks Ella."

Alex watched her as she nodded with a shy smile on her face as well, lifting her screen back up to continue working. He wasn't doing much more than sorting through his journal and making mental notes of which of the songs he'd written he wanted to try and bring alive in this record, but he was distracted now.

He was very aware of her presence and she was too. She could feel his gaze burning on her but she was too nervous to even look up, she knew she didn't know what to say or how to act so she'd rather avoid it.

But the tension grew thicker and he hated it, the only solution he could find for it was to try to make small talk.

"So... How was your week, Ellie?" The singer asked slowly, as if treading an unknown path.

Her fingers froze hovering over the keyboard, "It was good, erm, a little busy but good."

He felt the way she was starting quiet and close away and maybe staying quiet would've been better but the words just came out of his mouth to try and make the old days come back, when they could talk about everything and anything for hours.

"Bre told us she was doing a shoot with you on Wednesday, hope that went well."

She gave him a genuine smile then, because the shoot had actually been lovely and it had gone better than she had planned it. "It was perfect, the sun worked amazingly with us. I have to get them printed soon though, so I can send the scans to Bre and she can add them to her portfolio."

"Was it on film?" Alex asked before he could process, he just wanted to keep the conversation flowing but what a stupid question that was because he knew she only ever shot on film.

She let out a giggle to hide her disbelief. Had he really forgotten she only shot on film? "Yes, I only shoot on film, remember?" It came out sassy and she hadn't meant it but she couldn't take it back now.

He laughed nervously, "Yeah, I know. Sorry, very stupid question."

Ella only smiled reassuringly, "It's okay."

The beats of silence were almost as loud as their heartbeats. Alex felt his pumping heart sounding in his ears and Ella did too, both hoping the other couldn't hear it too.

He started fiddling with his pen, "Was it themed?"

She shook her head, "Not really, we just played with how well the sun was positioned and did some shadow photography."

Alex hummed, not really knowing what to say next. Ella bit her lip, seeing through the corner of her eye how he looked to be fighting within himself. She felt bad for not trying to make things better.

"Has the past week been too hectic?" Her question sounded shy, both of them were acting so sheepish and whereas Ella's behavior had always been that way, it was weird seeing Alex anything other than confident.

He hesitated before responding, "Not really? I mean we had to go 'round quite a lot but it's the typical occurrence when we come to the States. The second week and on is much easier."

"Well, thankfully that's over and done with. I suppose you're relieved to be in the studio, finally." She decided to just close her laptop and give him her full attention.

Her actions made him breathe in relief as it felt like she wasn't trying to hide behind the screen anymore.

"Yes, to be fair. Feel like it's been too long since we've made something new, properly. When we recorded 'R U Mine?' it went by so quickly 'cause it took us so little to get it done—so, erm, yes. We were itching to be back recording."

She smiled sweetly at him then, "You guys look very in your element here, I was keeping it cool for the sake of the process but I was blown away by how easily you just– well, the way you can just do all that."

Alex laughed softly. She's so cute, was all he thought and it only made his smile grow. "Thanks Ellie, it's a thing that just happens because of how long we've been making music together. We bounce off each other now."

She had run out of things to say, her eyes focused on him but her brain struggling to find anything else to talk about.

Why is this so hard now? She hated it.

Luckily, she was saved by the bell—or rather by the rest of the band and James coming back from the kitchen, their loud chatter filling the hallways as they walked back to the room.

"Ellie, you have to see what I've found in the other room by the keyboards." Matt pointed at her and she was slightly afraid. One was never safe when it came to his spontaneous ideas.

She stared at him unsure of what to do, "Erm..."

The drummer started making his way back out of the room, waving at her to join him. "C'mon! Bring the camera." He added from the hallway.

She had to quickly grab the camcorder, her steps fast to catch up with him. The screen flashed a red 'rec' on the corner right as she walked through the threshold of a room she was seeing for the first time.

He walked in first and then stopped in the corner where most of the keyboards met and pointed towards what he'd found.

She deflated as she saw a little vintage coin machine that read 'Check your sex appeal'. On the bottom it instructed one to put one's finger on the sensor, deposit a quarter and then they'd give the score. With an eye roll she turned to Matt, "I thought you were gonna show me a spider or something." She had seen multiple lying around the place, unbothered.

"If it was a spider, I would've caught it and thrown it over your head." Matt replied with a cynical smile on his face.

Ella scoffed, "Sometimes I think you hate me."

He chuckled, opening his arms and approaching the girl to hug her. "You know I love you, Ellie."

"Yeah, sure, sure." He was holding her tight on purpose, to bother her some more. He really was like her older brother. The camera shook in her hands as she struggled in his hold.

He let go of her with a kiss on the cheek, "Have you got 25 cents?" He asked, seeing that it was needed to make the machine work.

"Yeah, in my purse." The drummer didn't even waste a second before he quickly went back to the main room to retrieve it. He was back in about ten seconds and she fished for her wallet when he opened her purse for her. "Does it even work?" she asked, seeing as the machine looked old—the red light on the 'sensor' was very dim, it was hard to read the 00 on the corner.

He shrugged, holding up a quarter in his fingers. "Let's try."

"Yeah, we need everyone to be here though. This cannot go without witnesses." She was recording it all but she wanted everyone to be there just so they could all have a laugh.

"Oh yes, go ahead. I want everyone to see how you lose."

"We shall see about that Matthew." She walked back to where the rest of the group was and called them over.

When Matt saw everyone enter the room behind Ella, he smirked. "Yous ready?"

They all nodded, Jamie rolled his eyes at his friend's excitement over such a dumb thing but he wasn't expecting any less from the idiot that Matt Helders was.

For some reason, he paused before slotting the coin in. "No, actually..." he offered the coin to Ella, "Ellie please do us the honor."

The PA sighed, wanting to do anything but go first in the stupid thing but she wanted to get it over with sooner rather than later. She grabbed the quarter from him and he took the camera from her, making sure to catch what she was going to do.

She pressed her pointer finger on the supposed sensor, and slid the coin in. "If this thing doesn't work, I'm gonna laugh in your face, Helders."

It took a few seconds for the red light to glow, the drummer smirking at Ella as if to rub it in her face that it actually worked. Everyone was watching them amused, the bickering was quite entertaining to them all and they were happy to be around Ella again.

Another few seconds passed before the machine beeped, startling the girl. "Jesus!" She dropped her hand and when she saw the 62, she shrugged not even caring to see what that meant on the list below the sensor.

Matt cackled, getting another quarter from her wallet and giving her the camera back to walk up to the machine as well. "Okay Ellie, are you ready to lose?"

"Get on with it Matt." She made sure to capture him perfectly even though she wasn't sure they'd use that footage on the documentary.

Repeating the process, Matt waited for the beep to reveal his score and when he got 134, he cheered. His arms up in the air like he had just won the championship to something.

He walked over to Ella teasing her about her brutal loss when Jamie wandered over to the coin machine and burst out laughing.

Everyone turned as the guitarist laughed and Nick went over curious to see what was so funny. When he read the list below the sensor, he joined Jamie in laughter.

"Helders, mate, I'm not sure you won at all there." Nick managed between chuckles.

Ella quickly walked over to read the list, making sure the camera caught it too and she cackled. "134 you got, didn't you? Mr. Total couch potato."

That only made Nick laugh harder, Alex and James started chuckling at Matt's face. The drummer walked over to see the list and he scoffed. "What the fuck? That score system doesn't make fucking sense."

Total couch potato - over 130

Semi sexy couch potato - 115-129

Sexy couch potato - 100-114

Sexy but firm up your good body - 85-99

Great body and sexy - 70-84

Super body and sexy - 60-69

Fantastic body and sexy - below 60

"I got 62 by the way. Just in case you forgot." Ella made sure to rub it in and Helders waved his hand dismissing her.

He shook his head in disbelief, and went over to her wallet to get another quarter. "We're doing this again."

"But–" She went to argue but was cut by Matt grabbing her right hand and pressing her pointer finger on the sensor and dropping the coin in. "For fucks sake, Matt." She cursed, moving the camera to face Matt's annoyed facial expression and when the machine beeped, showing her a glorious 60, she burst out laughing.

"Now's my turn." He pressed his finger on the sensor and inserted the coin.

Everyone quieted down as they waited for the beep and when it rang in their ears, showing a 129, Jamie read "A slight glow up, semi sexy couch potato." making everyone erupt in laughter again.

"Okay, whatever." Matt said loudly and defeated in between everyone else's noise, "It's broken, obviously."

Ella sighed, after her fit of laughter, focusing the camera back on the drummer. "Told you Bre was doing charity work with you." Nick snorted at that, nodding his head just to add to the fire.

Matt gasped, throwing his hand over his heart, faking being wounded by her very words. "Bitch." He said as if he had just been betrayed.

She chuckled as he left the room, still shaking his head, "Oh I'm so glad I caught all that on camera."

Nick threw his arm over her shoulders and kissed her temple, "You are brilliant, Ellie."

She smiled so bright, her eyes closed, and leaned her head on the bassist's shoulder in contentment.

When she opened her eyes, she was instantly met by Alex grinning at her and she smiled back at him.

The two weeks she'd have to stay there would be long but she hoped they'd get easier. She could only hope for that.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

All of her hopes had drowned a week later. She thought she had made progress in that first week since when she left that Sunday, it felt like the tension was wearing thin. They could now joke around like everyone else and it wasn't met with brief silences that felt like cuts to their throats.

That was until the Monday of the second week arrived, and she was dropped off at the studio by Julian. As they got closer to the place, she was praying that whoever was standing outside wasn't Alex but the universe loved laughing at her face so Alex was exactly who was outside, smoking calmly with his eyes firmly on Ella.

She sighed under her helmet before she took it off and got off the bike. She gave Alex a tight lip smile, "Good morning, Alex." She could feel the awkwardness rising once again.

"Good morning, Ellie." He replied, grateful for how the cigarette was helping him relax even in the slightest.

Julian took his helmet off then, shaking his head to fix his hair, with a bright smile. "Hey Alex, good morning."

Alex lifted his hand up to greet him, "Morning, man."

Ella sighed and turned to her boyfriend, fixing his hair before she said bye. "You'll pick me up later yeah?" Her hand was cupping his jaw and Alex hated seeing the look of adoration in her eyes.

"'Course." Julian said with a smile, his right hand coming up to grab Ella's hand that was on his face and kissed the palm of it. "Love you, have fun okay?"

Ella smiled even harder and nodded as she leaned down to peck his lips. "Love you, see you later."

Ella turned to start walking towards the studio when she heard Julian calling out to Alex, "Turner! Take care of my girl, yeah?" His question was up in the air as he put his helmet back on.

She blushed as she turned back around to laugh at her boyfriend. Alex let out the smoke from his lungs and nodded, "Always."

Ella felt like someone had gut punched her then, Why does this have to happen to me?

Julian nodded and revved the engine, blowing Ella a kiss before driving away—leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

They both watched as the bike got smaller in the horizon and once it disappeared from their sight, she cleared her throat. "You going in yet?"

He nodded, "I'm almost done." taking one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the ground.

As they walked up to the place, he couldn't hold his tongue back, "So is he gonna drop you off everyday now?"

There was a subtle tone in his voice that didn't settle well with her, "Just today." She answered quickly with a forced smile on her face, letting her feet take her faster up the steps and towards the door. She didn't wanna overthink about the way he'd ask but it was already planning to play on loop in her mind.

Maybe she was making it worse in her mind but the awkwardness was palpable at the moment, and she just couldn't brush it off and ignore it.

When she opened the door everyone was there at the kitchen by the entrance making breakfast, when they saw her they greeted her sweetly. She was so grateful for them all being there already, just so she didn't have to spend time alone with Alex after that.

Surprisingly though, after they had all had breakfast together, the day rolled off smoothly and she'd only interacted directly with Alex a handful of times. The band had gone fully back into finishing a song they'd named 'You're So Dark' and slowly rolled into the making of another one that they hadn't titled yet but the chorus kept on with the phrase 'i want it all' so she'd refer to it as such.

She ignored the way Alex sang the words 'space age country girl, stone cold miracle' and the not-so-subtle looks he took at her every time it rolled off his tongue.

By three in the afternoon, she'd excused herself to take a skype call with Ben, Aaron and a new client. She'd gone to the room furthest away from them and even though she knew the walls could keep her voice from getting to them and ruining any recording, she'd still tried to be as quiet as she could.

That's why she was surprised to see everyone gone when she left the call. She wandered around the place, really taking time to admire every corner of the one-of-a-kind recording studio. She could see Queens of the Stone Age memorabilia, a portrait of PJ Harvey smoking a cigarette perched on one of the sofas in the studio hanging on the wall.

The array of different kinds and brands of guitars drew her in like a magnet. She had no idea how to play one but they all looked stunning and she wished at that moment she knew how to play at least one simple song.

"I never asked you if you knew how to play." The sudden appearance of Alex's voice scared her. She jumped in her place, turning slowly with a hand over her heart.

"Alex, for fucks sake." She cursed through her teeth.

He smiled softly, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

She sighed, "Where is everyone? I thought you'd all left."

He shrugged, "They said something about getting food. Left before I could put down the guitar."

"Oh that was probably Matt's idea." Leaving Alex behind had to be his brilliant idea, she rolled her eyes at how he'd completely missed how that would turn out for her.

Alex nodded, "Most likely, yeah."

They stood there quietly—Alex resting against the door frame, Ella's fingers dancing over the guitars' necks.

"Did they leave long ago?" She crossed her fingers mentally, hoping they'd be back soon.

He only shook his head and with that she deflated, "They left about fifteen minutes ago."

Ella let out a humorless chuckle, "Great."

It looked like he was trying not to open his mouth, and she almost just told him to spill it all but she truly didn't want it to happen. Whatever would come out of his mouth would only make the situation ten times worse and she was still feeling unsettled by the question he'd made before coming into the studio in the morning.

She decided to sit in one of the chairs, slumping forward as she cradled her head in her hands. A headache already bubbling in the back of her skull, she rubbed her temples with her fingers. In the background she heard as Alex took a seat on the big settee by the door, one that faced her directly.

Alex cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat, he was getting the courage to ask everything he wanted to know. "So how has it been then?" His question was so vague she hummed in confusion—she had been with them for a week straight, what could he mean by that?

And then he shuffled in his seat and tried again, "With him, I mean. How's everything been with, erm, Julian?" He said his name with a struggle, like it hurt his throat to let it out.

"Very good, thanks. We're doing great." She fake coughed, straightening in her seat uncomfortably.

Alex nodded his head continuously, "He seems like a good guy... Interesting lad."

"He is. Wonderful, very interesting too, yeah." Her smile was so forced and it pained him to see.

"He really likes traveling doesn't he?" At that point he didn't even know what he was doing, he was just talking out of his ass.

"Oh yes, a lot. He has the best stories from traveling around for work."

He hummed, "Do you ever travel together?"

Ella chewed on her bottom lip before answering. "Sometimes. We tend to stay in California for work but there's times we travel together whenever I have to go somewhere with Focus Creeps and he's free or we're both able to go on a little weekend holiday."

"Really? Where have you been?" Curiosity killed the cat, he reminded himself. He was very aware of that but his mouth was going faster than his brain.

"We went to Mexico for our first month. We've been to Alaska and New York, but most of the time we take trips around the west coast." She recounted her drives with Julian to the different states along the coast they called home. "He's actually gone to Tennessee with me quite a few times." She added quickly.

"Oh yeah, I sa—. I, erm, suppose that was nice." His tongue tangled when he realized he was about to expose himself, but she hummed.

She knew he had seen, his secret instagram account handle was very not subtle and she'd gotten surprised when he followed her right after that call about the Olympics. "It was. Lovely to see him in my hometown and with my family, really. He fits right in."

He hated how she said that, like it was something that was written in stone. "Right, yes."

She didn't know why, but her brain just wanted her to scream a little detail that knew would ruin things even more. It was probably the thought of it hurting him, the way it had all hurt her back at the start of the year and she felt weirdly in need of some revenge. "We actually go to Belmont Park quite often."

A surprised "Oh." escaped his lips. That fact stung him like alcohol on a fresh cut wound, and that's when Alex noticed the situation hadn't hurt him as much before as it had in that very moment. The fact that she went to a place that so vividly was him and her with someone else felt like the biggest type of betrayal.

"Do you?" The question sat bitterly on his tongue.

It had been a mistake even mentioning it. A double edged knife as it all came like an avalanche over her. "Yeah, it's a lovely place during summertime." It reminded her why she never did revenge, it would always hurt her right back like she was doomed with automatic karma.

He sighed, sorting through his memories. "I remember that place quite fondly."

Ella panicked then, the need to remind him where he stood was strong inside her just to keep him from saying anything stupid that might make her spiral. "How's Arielle?" She spat the question like the words were burning her tongue.

He froze in his place for a second, his brain stopping the reel of Ella and his time in the coastal amusement park to replace it for the American model who was his girlfriend. "She's alright." He shrugged, not really caring to think much for detail. "Busy with casting calls and modeling gigs, but good."

She hated how the first thing her brain did was compare herself to Arielle, making her chuckle dryly. "Good thing she's a model right? Can travel around the world with you." She wanted to slap herself then for exposing her very biggest insecurity when it had come to her and Alex back then.

But Alex was too distracted by the new batch of questions flooding his mind to even notice what she'd just said. "I guess, yes."

"Of course it is, you're always in the presence of your muse." She was trying her hardest to push him to plainly tell her how much he adored Arielle just so she'd kill the shadow of hurt creeping back onto her but he didn't.

His gaze stayed fixated on her for a long few seconds, her breath caught in her throat seeing him zoned out with his eyes firmly on her. Ella cleared her throat and that's when he came back to reality. "Sure, my muse, yes. Lucky to have her always by my side." His reply was so meek it made her want to scream at him.

What do you want from me? She wanted to ask, over and over, until he gave her a fully honest answer.

"I'm just curious..." He started again, after half a minute of silence with eyes fixed on the floor. "Isn't it weird?"

Again he went with the vague inquiries, she frowned looking at him. "What?"

Alex looked up, feeling her burning gaze on him. "I dunno, just how fast you started it all with Julian." His words were weak, almost like he knew it was a mistake to have even said that out loud.

She was ready to start getting defensive but she'd give him another opportunity to explain himself before she could explode if it was needed. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, trying to word his thoughts in the best way possible, "Well, you know, I remember you telling me about how falling for someone you'd just met wasn't your thing."

"I said and did lots of things then, didn't I?" Her words came out heated, Ella was growing tired and she kept wondering what the hell was he trying to get from her.

"Do you regret them?" He was quick to ask, like that sentence had been a direct attack towards him. The question was looking for a deeper answer.

"Maybe." She tried to sound determined but it came out more like a question. She truly didn't regret anything that had happened or that she'd said because it all ended in the growth of herself as a person but, fuck, she just wanted him to hurt so he could drop the subject and whatever he was trying to achieve.

He only hummed in acknowledgment, making her feel like she had to further prove herself.

"He changed everything I had ever thought in a matter of weeks, I just know I love him and he loves me so that's more than enough for me. Time doesn't mean much to me anymore."

"Right." Alex nodded, his gaze staying on her for just a fleeting moment before it dropped down to the floor.

Ella continued then, finding more things she wanted to say, "No matter how long you've known people for, they always turn out to be someone you don't expect so I wasn't gonna lose an amazing person because of my fear of getting hurt." She was trying to find his eyes, just so he knew she meant every word that left her lips but he wasn't brave enough to make eye contact as she said all that. He felt like he was getting poked in his chest with a sharp and pointy knife. "I mean, you said it, didn't you?"

That's what got him to look up instantly, "What?" the singer asked, confused.

Alex's voice as they walked around Las Vegas came back to her very clearly, like the moment was happening at that very second: 'That's true, but don't close yourself off to the chances. Someday you'll meet that one person who'll change your mind about that and they will sweep you off your feet. Often heartbreak is necessary along the way, it shows you what's the right way you deserve to be loved.'

"That someday I'd meet a person who'd change my mind about all that time bullshit I used to swear by, and how they'd sweep me off my feet. That's exactly what he did." Ella recited his words back to him.

And the very moment came back to him like an ice cold water bucket being poured over his head. His words had come back to bite him on the ass. "I guess I did." His voice sounded defeated. "Yeah, erm, that's good. Good." Alex had no idea what he had tried to achieve with all that but, fucking hell, he felt like he had ruined everything.

They stayed quiet for what felt like a century but it had only been a minute. Their breathing sounded too loud and the beating of their heavy hearts was very present in their ears.

When her phone rang, she couldn't help but sigh in relief but her shoulders slumped when the name 'Jules <3' shone bright on her screen.

"Guess we summoned him." The PA joked, trying to lighten up the mood but he gave her the most humorless laugh that made her internally cringe. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? She asked herself, as if the whole situation had been her fault and not Alex's.

She stood up and pointed at the door to tell him she'd pick up and talk by the kitchen, he nodded dully and watched her go in the reflection of the window. He had fucked it all up and he knew it.

He could hear her in the distance and he hated the isolated zone the studio was in because the lack of city bustle meant he could hear everything she said.

"Hi babe!" Her greeting was chipper, she sounded relieved. "Not yet, the guys have gone out to get some lunch and then I guess they'll stay a few more hours until they're done." She paused for a few seconds but he couldn't make out whatever her boyfriend was saying on the other side of the line. "Yeah, they're great. You'd love to see them recording, it truly is magical." Alex smiled, as he could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"Oh?" Ella sounded surprised and he wondered what Julian could've told her. "Jules, are you fucking kidding?" She sounded breathless and elated. "No baby, not nice to hear when we're more than an hour away." Alex hated hearing her calling someone else that pet name. "Well I cannot wait to be home then." There was a small pause before she let out a sweet little giggle that melted Alex's insides. "What did I do to deserve you huh?" Alex rolled his eyes thinking about how Julian didn't deserve her but he couldn't say much, because he didn't deserve Ella either.

"Something new to try?" Her voice had turned suggestive then, and he hated that his brain started going through the endless possibilities of what that could mean. "Fuck, Julian." That had come out like a choked up whimper and Alex had had to shut his eyes close hard to focus on his thoughts not going there but then she said, "Yes, you fucking tease." almost out of breath and just that made the singer's thoughts start going in a forbidden direction. "Well if you had a car maybe we could move it forward but unfortunately you don't, so..." That made him freeze though, as he instantly imagined them two together in the back of a car and it was a visual he absolutely loathed.

"I fucking love you, you know that?" Her words were determined and they hit him like a truck. "Okay babe, cannot fucking wait to be home already." Another giggle that made Alex want to die echoed through the place and just as he was about to start plugging his ears to not listen anymore, she ended the call with a "See you soon then, love you."

He had to hurriedly grab his journal, scribbling around a new page when he heard her steps coming back in his direction.

When Ella entered the room again, she gave him a side smile. She went straight to her purse and grabbed her lighter and cigarettes, "I'm gonna go for a smoke, be right back."

"Alright." Alex nodded as he kept his eyes frozen on the white page that was slowly filling up with words that seemed to be just flooding out of him. The sound of her boots mixing with the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway replaying in his mind as the ink ruined the paper.

I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake

Snap out of it

Under a spell you're hypnotized

Darling, how could you be so blind?

If that watch don't continue to swing

Or the fat lady fancies having a sing

I'll be here, waiting ever so patiently for you to

Snap out of it

I've heard that you fell in love

Or near enough

It sounds like settling down or giving up

But it don't sound much like you

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

After that extremely awkward Monday, when she'd felt Alex's gaze burning on her back as she left the place in the back of Julian's bike, the week had gone by extremely slowly. She loved the band but she felt like she was suffocating under the heavy tension between her and Alex.

So when it reached Friday, the last day that she'd be recording them for the rest of the year, she felt like she could breathe more easily.

Matt had been an absolute nightmare though, ringing her at six in the morning so that she could be at the studio by half past seven.

"Matt, I will castrate you when I see you later," was the first thing she said when she picked up.

The man on the other line snorted, "Oh I'm so afraid." The heavy sarcasm in his voice only made her roll her eyes. "You have to be here early today, sweetheart. Last day and all." He sounded like he was hiding something but she was too tired to care.

She groaned, "Sure, I'll leave in a few. Bye." She didn't even give him time to reply because she instantly hung up the phone and sighed.

Her hair was damp when she'd gotten on her bike forty minutes after she'd ended the call, but it was dry from the wind by the time she got to the studio. She took off her helmet and brushed her hair with her fingers to then ruffle it. She checked on one of the mirrors of her bike and she shrugged, her lipstick still perfectly on and her hair just tamed enough.

She walked through the doors and made her way to the room they were always at. When she got there she didn't even look up before she dropped her bag and helmet on a chair. "Last day I have to see you idiots all day, thank fuck!" She joked but when she was met with an unusual silence, she turned around confused and that's when her jaw dropped.

Josh Homme was sitting right there in the middle of the room and everyone else was trying to hold in their laughs. Her cheeks tinted bright red, like her lipstick, and she wanted to disappear.

But the musician chuckled, making her feel slightly better. "Lucky." Josh started, continuing the joke, "This is my first day, have another week to go with them." He stood up with his hand out to greet Ella, "Lovely to meet you..."

She cleared her throat, blinking fast to try and come back down to reality but she was shocked. "Ella." She barely managed to say and Josh nodded, shaking her hand.

"Lovely to meet you Ella." He said again and her eyes went to all of the lads in search of answers.

When none of them gave her anything other than amused smiles, she looked back to the legendary musician in front of her and smiled brightly. "Very lovely to meet you, Mr. Homme."

The man waved her off, dropping her hand, "Oh please hun, just call me Josh. We're all friends here, no formalities."

She giggled, "Right, yes."

Ella tried to remain cool as she fell back into her usual routine, taking the camera out and capturing everything she could without disturbing their process. Matt sat next to her in the big settee twenty minutes later, watching Alex and Josh talking about 'Knee Socks' which was apparently the song Josh was gonna be in, and he elbowed her to tease her.

"Big fan of Queens of the Stone Age then?" The drummer whispered.

She turned to face him with an expression that screamed it was obvious, "Who isn't?"

Matt nodded, "Well, I did tell you to come early."

She scoffed, "Yes but you didn't mention Josh fucking Homme coming here today, idiot!" She whispered aggressively and she was grateful for Alex having started to play the guitar so the chords were louder than her voice.

"Details, details." Matt replied like it was nothing and she rolled her eyes.

"I cannot believe I'm actually gonna miss seeing y'all every day again." She admitted, fake defeated to keep up her act.

He clicked his tongue, "Of course you will, you love us."

"As I always say, unfortunately." She added in the same way, with a tight lip smile.

He opened his mouth to reply but Alex called him over and he could only get up quickly on his feet to see what they were gonna do then.

She had grown mesmerized by the creative process they had as they saw them work with Josh. James got there an hour later and it felt surreal, she truly felt like she was seeing actual magic happen and it hit her when she heard the brand new bridge for the song. It sounded heavenly and bold at the same time.

She knew when the album would come out, she'd have a different perspective on it for the sole reason that she was witnessing all those turning points in the making of it. And she was sure that just from the fact that she was experiencing all of it first hand, it would become her favorite album of theirs.

When they had all gotten hungry at around ten in the morning, Ella had ordered something for everyone and when the food had arrived, they all gathered around the wooden dinner table in the kitchen to chat shit and eat before resuming their work.

Josh was so easy to be around and Ella loved that one of the people she'd always admired as a musician was also a lovely person in real life. He had thanked her for the food and given her a side hug before they all cleaned up and went back to the recording room.

Ella made sure to record as much as she could but when the battery died and she had to wait for it to charge, she put her earphones on and started listening to some music.

Matt and Jamie sat chatting in a corner of a room while Alex, Nick and Josh hovered over Alex's journal to work through some lyrics. Ten minutes passed as she sorted through her emails when Alex sat beside her and she barely noticed.

He poked at her arm to not scare her again and she turned slowly to him, "Hey," she greeted timidly.

"Was Josh Homme a nice surprise?" He asked like her reaction hadn't been enough of an answer.

Her eyebrows rose on her face as she nodded enthusiastically, "Of course, yes. I still can't believe he's just–" she paused to find the perfect word but she failed so she just subtly pointed at him and finished by saying, "There."

Alex chuckled, "What are you listening to?" He had seen her bopping her head as she typed and he was curious to know.

"Black Sabbath." She showed him her phone screen, "War Pigs. Stunning guitar riff." She added, like it was one of those texts she used to send him of the songs she was obsessing over whoever week or day and which detail was her favorite of it.

He'd heard it before, of course, so he nodded but she took off one of her earphones so he could put it in and listen with her. Once the bud was in his ear, she played the song back from the beginning and he found himself trying to think of the chords in his head.

A song like it was one that he'd love to have on this album, it was the vibe he was going for when he pictured what the record would sound like in his head.

When the song finished he took off the earbud and handed it back to her. "Brilliant guitar riff. I wanna try and play it."

She thought he meant to play it maybe later but no, he got up immediately and grabbed his Gretsch duo jet, placed a pick between his teeth as he pulled the guitar strap over his shoulders and started playing with the chords until he started getting closer and closer to it.

Josh was quick to recognize the song, "War Pigs, classic."

Alex nodded as he stopped and then started it back up again. "I wanna use it in this record, I think."

"Domino won't hate you for having to get the licenses for it?" Asked the American singer, amused.

"Nah, I'll get it somehow even if they don't want to." Alex replied very confidently.

"Atta boy." Celebrated Josh, "You'll have to give it an Arctic Monkeys twist though, make it fresh." He advised, not only so that the song would be good but for the sake of the credits of the song he was trying to make.

Alex called to his bandmates then, "Oi, Nick, Jump in this one with me. Jamie, let's play it together first and then we can start changing the chords each at a time."

A few hours later, they had a wonderful take on the War Pigs guitar riff and the band seemed to be in love with it. They recorded it and labeled it the first demo, Ella had managed to catch that recording process and she was beaming as she saw it happen.

She'd felt like she had contributed there, it made her heart swell in a strange new way. She was about to scold herself for feeling so proud about it when it was so insignificant, when Alex went up to her and gave her a brief hug.

"Thanks for that Ellie. Good thing we have you here at the studio with us, isn't it?" His hand dropped after squeezing her right arm, her left side pressed against him.

She smiled brightly then, shrugging it off because she had only played him a song he already knew, it wasn't a massive contribution. "It literally was nothing Alex."

Alex clicked his tongue, "Yeah, don't really think so." disagreeing with her, making her smile bigger.

Right there and then, it felt like it was all falling back into place at least for a few seconds and they could both take a breath of fresh air.

"Would it help you feel better if I just said you're welcome?" Her smile could be heard in her voice and it made him unbelievably happy.

He nodded, "Definitely."

"You're welcome, Al." She replied easily and he beamed at her, it was the first time she called him Al in a long while, it made his stomach flip.

"Right," The singer started, still grinning. "It's your last day with us here until next year so just leave the camera, enjoy it."

Her brows furrowed, "But the documentary—"

He waved it off, "It would be a maximum of forty five minutes, Ellie and we still have January through June to record so don't worry. There'd be plenty of footage in the future."

She hummed, "Okay boss, whatever you say." She joked and he chuckled.

The day ended far quicker than she expected it and soon enough she was saying goodbye to the band, James and Josh. They all watched her drive away on her bike as the sun set in the horizon, the ends of her long black hair waving in the air.

In the third and last week that the band had spent in the studio, which Ella hadn't been there to record, the 'War Pigs' inspired song had been born and fully developed.

It only made sense that if the song had seen its creation because of Ella, it had to be the one to home all those lines Alex had written about her.

Alex sang into the microphone as the red light on top of the booth indicated it was recording. His eyes closed as he pictured her and himself walking around LA, Las Vegas and San Diego—all the pictures and the conversations, the drinks and the fleeting touches shared.

Arabella's got some interstellar-gator skin boots

And a Helter Skelter 'round her little finger

And I ride it endlessly

She's got a Barbarella silver swimsuit

And when she needs to shelter from reality

She takes a dip in my daydreams

My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind

That little lady sitting on the passenger side

It's much less picturesque without her catching the light

The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes

As Arabella, oh

As Arabella

Just might've tapped into your mind and soul

You can't be sure

Arabella's got a '70s head

But she's a modern lover

It's an exploration, she's made of outer space

And her lips are like the galaxy's edge

And her kiss the colour of a constellation

Falling into place

My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind

That little lady sitting on the passenger side

It's much less picturesque without her catching the light

The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes

As Arabella, oh

As Arabella

Just might've tapped into your mind and soul

You can't be sure

That's magic, in a cheetah print coat

Just a slip, underneath it, I hope

Asking if, I can have one of those

Organic, cigarettes that she smokes

Wraps her lips, 'round a Mexican Coke

Makes you wish, that you were the bottle

Takes a sip of your soul, and it sounds like...

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The band's stay at the golden state had reached its end. The three weeks they had planned on staying were up but before it was time for them to leave Ella and Breana had planned a little farewell dinner. Breana would be staying in LA this time, so when she told Ella to help her organize it for the lads before they left, she just couldn't say no to her best friend.

It didn't take much organization, just a phone call to the restaurant to make a reservation and a text in the group chat to make sure the band knew where to be on Sunday the 9th at seven in the evening.

Ella was there ten minutes before the clock announced it was seven, she stood by the mural to the left side of the restaurant's door smoking a cigarette. She had just lit it, and absentmindedly took a drag out of it seeing as Julian took a few steps to stand in front of her and take the stick from her fingers.

The filter was stained with the red of her lipstick and it made her boyfriend groan, she laughed as she let the smoke out upwards, taking a peek at the moon. Julian left a trail of kisses up her throat all the way up to her chin, his lips hovered over hers but he left her breathless when he lifted the cigarette to take a drag of it and then place it back on her lips.

"Tease," she muttered with the burning stick between her lips.

The scruff of a car's brakes made them turn around, a yellow cab stopped a few feet right beside them. They were about to get back to what they were doing when one of the back doors opened and out came none other than Alex Turner.

He looked amazing under the dim street lights, the cream button up he was wearing contrasted perfectly with his black trousers and blazer. The small heels of his chelsea boots hit the pavement and composed the perfect background noise to his entrance.

Alex cleared his throat, hoping his frown wasn't as hard as it had been a minute earlier when he had seen from afar the show Ella and Julian were putting for everyone walking around the block.

Julian stepped aside to let Ella greet Alex first. "Hello Ella," he hugged her briefly but tight, she reciprocated one handed as she kept the hand she was holding her cigarette with away from him. Alex shook Julian's hand, firmly. "Nice to see you again, Julian."

Julian nodded, "Nice to see you too, Alex. How was your time in LA? Everything sweet, everything nice?"

Alex gave him a forced side smile, Ella turned to rest against the mural again and continued smoking—she tried to relax but she was internally panicking, begging to any high power that the rest of their friends showed up soon so the three wouldn't have to wait too long alone.

"Everything was great, already can't wait to be back to keep recording." From his voice she could tell he was distracted, and Ella kept her eyes closed but she felt him staring.

But why wouldn't he? She looked dashing dressed in all black. A little black slip dress on with high heeled stilettos, a leather jacket on and a small prada purse hanging off her shoulder. The dress had a slit, showing off her 'Divine Feminine' tattoo perfectly.

He was too caught up to even notice Julian had caught him staring.

"She's stunning, isn't she?" Her boyfriend had asked proudly, and Alex had gone cold.

He tried to play it cool though, nodding as he took his cigarettes out and picked one to light up. "She's always been."

If Julian had gotten jealous from that, he didn't show it as he nonchalantly then proceeded to walk towards Ella. He dove his hand into Ella's jacket pockets and fished a cigarette for himself, placing it between his teeth and staring at his girlfriend silently asking her to light him up.

She did, her movements graceful and experienced and Alex caught the small 'thank you' Julian gave her before he started smoking.

The American man had waved him over, "C'mere man, we're not gonna bite."

Alex let out a bland chuckle that made a puff of smoke leave his mouth. His steps were slow as he moved closer to them, and he wished Arielle could've canceled that late night shoot so she'd be there with him. He didn't want to be a third wheel, much less to Ella and her fucking boyfriend.

It had been a painful eight minutes he had to endure of small talk that ended with Ella narrating how it had been to spend a whole day with Josh Homme and Julian watching her talk mesmerized. Their fingers were interlocked and Alex had had to watch Julian play with Ella's fingers as he listened to her.

Just as Alex was contemplating fishing his pockets for a third smoke, ruckus broke out behind him and he recognized it instantly. He could breathe now that Breana and Matt had arrived, and when Alex fully turned, he saw Jamie and Nick exiting the cab as well.

Everyone greeted each other and once that was done, Ella walked ahead of the group into Craig's. She'd chosen the place not only because it was gorgeous and the food was delicious but because loads of famous people tended to go there so they truly wouldn't be bothered if anyone recognized them.

It wasn't long before they were seated and, to Ella's incredible fortune, she ended up seated in the middle of Alex and Julian.

Before they ordered any food, they were asked for their drinks to which they'd all agreed on a nice bottle of cabernet. Their waiter had uncorked the bottle effortlessly and served everyone a perfect amount to start with.

Chatter rolled easily as they drank more wine, their orders then taken and underway in the fancy kitchen of the place.

Their flight was taking off at noon, meaning they had to be at LAX at around nine in the morning. The band was promising to be the most sober ones just to make their next morning easy for themselves.

When their plates got to their table, they all dove in. The variety of dishes was astounding and it impressed them even more how regardless of how different each one was, they all were remarkably delicious.

Alex watched through the corner of his eye as Julian gathered a forkful of his salmon dish to feed Ella.

"Babe, you gotta try this." He'd said after a blissful hum he let out when he got the first bite of it. His hand a few inches under the fork to avoid spilling anything.

Ella was quick to open her mouth to accept the food and once it reached her tongue, she let her red lips wrap around the fork. Julian pulled back the piece of silverware as he stared attentively at her reaction and when her eyes closed in delight at the taste, he smiled bright.

She waited until she was finished with her bite to speak, "That's really fucking good."

Alex wanted to roll his eyes, how was it that even surrounded by other four people he still felt like a third wheel. His fork screeched as he gathered his rigatoni alla vodka.

Conversations continued as everyone slowly worked through their food, not really minding it going cold because they were all just basking in each other's presence.

"Helders, you're giving me my best friend back, finally. Thank you very much." Ella teased as she remembered that Breana was planning on staying in LA the whole time they'd be gone.

The drummer sighed, squeezing his girlfriend's hand under the table. "Yeah, not really my choice to be honest. She'd always be by my side if it was for me."

"Awh look at you, maybe you are romantic after all." The PA cooed, a little pout on her face at the sight of them.

Matt let out a small giggle, "Of course I am, idiot."

"Well it's hard to picture with the stories I hear." Ella trailed off, making Jamie and Nick look at her curiously.

Matt smirked, "Like what you're told?"

"Pretty vanilla to me, honestly." She played, making Matt laugh a little too loud.

"Okay, kinky bastard." The teasing made Ella sit straighter as she flushed, Julian smiled proudly next to her. Alex just wanted to disappear, he would beg to hear anything else but what she got up to with Julian in the bedroom.

To Alex's relief, she wasn't in the mood to share any stories. "Guess your hand is gonna have to do for the next few months." The faux pity in her voice was so heavy it had Matt glaring at her.

"It will, and those scans you're meant to send me." He made sure to remind her as she'd promised him and he had really liked those previews she'd shown him on her phone.

Nick sighed, exasperated at the turn the conversation had taken. He really didn't want to think about his mate wanking to pictures of his girlfriend while he was eating the best scallops he'd ever had. "Can yous fucking stop? I'm trying to eat."

Ella laughed, "So very sorry, Nick."

The bassist huffed in exaggerated annoyance, "You better be."

Once everyone finished their food, the waiter had been fast to pick the plates up and ask if they fancied anything else. Soon enough, a new bottle of wine was on its way and, just as fast as it had arrived, they were finishing it.

They each had been drinking more red then than at the start of the night so the bottle didn't last more than twenty minutes.

Ella hummed then, seeing as most of their glasses were empty—Alex being the only one to have a sip of it left. "Anyone fancy a bottle of champers?" Her question was thrown in the air and they all slowly agreed.

She turned to Julian, mumbling something that only Alex got to properly hear. "Don't have any rings on me though..."

Alex's right hand reached over for his wine glass and just as his fingers rounded it, he heard Julian say something to him.

"That ring's sick man, mind if I have a look at it?"

Alex was confused but he nodded nonetheless, putting his glass back on the table to take the ring off and hand it to the videographer. He only took a look at it for a quick two seconds before he put it on his own pinky finger.

"Looks great doesn't it?" He lifted his hand up to show Ella and she nodded. Alex frowned, what the fuck is he doing putting my ring on?

Julian made him snap back to reality when he took it off and mumbled a quick, "Would look better on you though." And before Alex could even have time to process that, he got up and walked around his chair to kneel in front of Ella.

The singer's eyes almost popped out of his head and Breana's gasp was loud enough to grab the attention of not only their whole table but the ones around them. Suddenly, the restaurant started to quiet down as everyone's attention turned to the dirty blonde down on one knee in front of his girlfriend.

"Ella, honey, you are by far the sweetest most wonderful thing that has happened to me." His voice was so sweet as it reached her ears and she knew it was only the start but she was already swooning. "I wish time had been kinder to me and let me meet you before but the fact that you even are in my life now is enough to feel like life didn't cheat me. You take my breath away with everything you do, everything you say and everything you are. My heart bursts at its seams just by thinking of you and every time I get to see you." Her heart definitely felt like it was failing her from how much she loved the man kneeling in front of her.

"You are my perfect accomplice, I cannot imagine doing life with anybody else. Every night, I wish upon every star I'm able to see in this polluted city that I'll be able to be yours forever. And I can only hope I'm lucky enough to have you feel the same, to know that you want me to be yours until the end of times." A small sob escaped her, tears pooling in her eyes threatening to spill at any moment. "And I think about asking you to marry me every night when we go to sleep and I see that sweet little pout next to me, the way you cling to me is a feeling I don't ever wanna lose. I don't ever wanna lose you." The tears were falling, wetting her lips which were stuck in a beaming smile. "I want to witness you and what you become, worship every single bit of you and all you do. In this life and the next, if you'll have me. Ella, my love, would you marry me?" He finally asked and the giggles escaped her as more tears ran down her cheeks.

"Yes!" She exclaimed breathlessly, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." She chanted as she cupped his face. Julian kissed the inside of her palm and then grabbed her left hand to put the ring on. It fit perfectly. Once it was on, they sealed the moment with a long kiss, Ella holding Julian's face with both her hands like she was afraid he'd disappear if she didn't have her hold on him.

Alex was so fucking confused, he felt like he was gonna puke everything he'd had that night. He felt himself sweating cold, and he was sure he was as pale as a white sheet of paper. Everyone around them was hollering, Nick and Jamie wolf whistling as Breana cried while she clapped and Matt had the brightest smile.

Their table neighbors cooed and clapped as Julian rose to sit back down, his lips red from Ella's lipstick. Alex looked around in shock but the only one who caught him was Matt, his smile faltered slightly at the sight of his friend but then he chuckled. The whole thing had fucked him over.

Soon their waiter came back, but with a bucket filled with ice homing a massive bottle of Champagne. Champagne flutes being carried by a waitress right behind him.

The young man smiled at the couple who'd just stolen the show and set the bottle in the middle of the table. "We're beyond happy to have witnessed this new step in your beautiful relationship so we wanted to give you this to celebrate." The lady behind him set the seven tall glasses on the table before they both proceeded to serve the beverage. "The chef wanted to congratulate you as well with some lovely dessert which I'll be bringing out in just a moment."

Ella cooed, her hand on her chest. "Thank you so much! You are all so sweet."

The pair nodded with a smile before they left and once everyone in the restaurant settled back again, Ella and Julian shared another quick kiss. She wiped on his bottom lip when she broke the kiss, leaning back slightly with the brightest smile on her face.

Alex was still malfunctioning so Matt took it upon himself to get an explanation out of the couple.

"So, what was that?" His question seemed amused, not really believing in the veracity of the proposal as they had literally used Alex's 'death ramps' ring. That detail only made him want to laugh harder.

Ella shrugged, whispering her answer. "Well y'all did say you wanted some champagne so mission accomplished."

Jamie cackled, "You cheeky bitch."

"That's me." Ella replied, winking at him. But then she sighed, absolutely elated. "We have done this many times before, must've gotten engaged at least half a dozen times in loads of places around the country but, oh my god, he went off with this one." She turned to Julian and scrunched up her nose to him. "I fucking adore you."

Alex's confusion then turned into anger. What the fuck? All he could think was how easy it was for them to make up such a deceiving situation but the thing that had him seething was the fact that they had just decided to do that with his ring. What the fuck are they on about? He kept asking himself over and over.

Julian stole a few pecks from her, tinting his lips redder than they already were. "Adore you even more."

Alex was about to lose it, he could only think about going for a smoke or two but he'd have to wait it out a little longer or he'd be way too obvious.

The champagne was heavenly, the bubbles running down their throats perfectly. They resumed their conversation like nothing had happened but then some nosey people started coming over to the table as they made their ways to leave the restaurant. Most of them were sweet, telling them 'congratulations' before they told them some cringe joke about the honeymoon and they'd leave with a wink; but the young couple that had just approached their table had asked to see the ring.

Ella had tried not to laugh, covering it up with a cough. She showed off her left hand, the 'death ramps' ring snuggled around her slender finger and matching perfectly with her red nails.

The unknown girl had frowned, confused at the ring choice and Ella giggled. "That's his most special ring. A family thing really, so it's very special he's proposed with it."

The strangers only nodded with a forced smile that had everyone at the table biting their tongues not to laugh—everyone except for Alex, who was growing angrier, because apparently it was Julian's family ring now.

He had to hold back a scoff, choosing to just down the champagne he had left and excuse himself to go to the bathroom.

No one really noticed the haste in which he left the table except for Matt, who followed his path with an attentive gaze. Everyone else at the table was too busy listening to the bullshit details of Ella's very much fake upcoming wedding.

"Bright pink flowers and a purple dress? You are insane." Nick shook his head at the deranged shit she was saying.

"Wait until you hear about our rainbow triple layer wedding cake." Ella added and the thought of it made everyone laugh harder. She only hoped no one was eavesdropping and taking what she was saying seriously because then they'd think she was insane.

Alex threw cold water on his face to get him to calm down. It was fake, they're not engaged, they did not get engaged with your ring. You have a stunning girlfriend that you love very much, you told her you loved her only two days ago. Ella is happy with someone else, you're just friends—that's all you'll ever be. He kept telling himself all that like he was a religious man reciting his favorite holy book verses.

Once Alex got back to the table, he found everyone taking bites of a big apple crumble with vanilla ice cream on top.

Ella waved him over excitedly, "Al, come here! You need to try this."

His ring on her finger flashed under the lights in the restaurant. How he wished he'd been the one to give it to her.

He sat down on his seat on her right side, and instantly was surprised by Ella feeding him a spoonful of dessert. He didn't know what he was expecting but she didn't take the spoon away for him, making Alex have to do the rest for himself. He set the utensil on top of his cloth napkin that was still on the table where he'd left it before running off.

He nodded, relishing in the sweetness of the dish. His brain took him back to the day they shared funnel cakes at Belmont Park and he smiled fondly. He remembered the excited smile on her face as she waited for his reaction to the food and he couldn't help but compare it to how she was looking at him at the moment.

"S'really good." Alex agreed and she nodded back.

"Right?!" She turned back to grab another bite with her own spoon, "You're very welcome guys, I will be expecting an award later."

Jamie smirked then, taking the opportunity to tease Ella. "We'll leave it to Julian to give you your prize, Ellie."

Her breath hitched making her cough and Julian laughed beside her, he brought a hand to her back to rub it soothingly whilst she kept coughing with a hand over her mouth. Alex wanted to die right there, why were his friends like that?

"Oh she will. Whatever she wants tonight, she gets it." Julian agreed, "Shall we try that leather thing you ordered the other day?" He suggested, making Ella's eyes widen. Next to her, Alex was staring at his lap with the same expression.

She pinched Julian's waist, "Fucks sake, shut up!" She shouted in a whisper, the last thing she needed was the lads finding out how she was in bed when she knew they'd just tease her endlessly about it.

Matt was quick to try and pry for more information, "Oh Julian, do tell us what that leather thing is."

Alex wanted to interfere before anything else was said, Please do not tell us, Julian.

He opened his mouth to start explaining but Ella's hand flew over his mouth to avoid anyone getting an explanation.

"Yeah, you're not getting anything from him," she started with a threatening voice, her eyes swimming around the table and then she turned to her boyfriend to finish her ultimatum, "If he wants to use it tonight."

Julian nodded obediently but licked the palm of her hand that was still covering his mouth just to get on her nerves. Ella scoffed and then used her napkin to clean her hand, Alex stole a glance at her and she looked so happy regardless of the teasing that it made him want to leave already.

Breana smirked at her best friend who was sitting right in front of her, "You're really hot Ellie, has anyone told you that?" Ella smirked back at her, if there was anyone who was her loyal cheerleader, it was Bre.

"Only you all the time, my love." She blew the model a kiss which she reciprocated.

Matt hugged Breana by the waist, bringing her to his side possessively and pointed a finger at Julian. "Oi, get your girlfriend to stop flirting with mine."

Everyone started laughing, the giggles filling the air around their table. Ella winked at Breana and then turned to Matt to bother him a bit more.

"You just know I could steal her from you easily."

Matt scoffed but when Breana agreed with a "She could." He rolled his eyes.

It was his turn to mortify Ella, "Can we get another round of applause for the soon-to-be married?" The drummer asked loudly to the rest of the restaurant and when the place erupted in claps and cheers, Ella hid in Julian's neck.

Her and Julian had to look around mouthing 'thank you's to the people around them. Minutes passed and when finally no one had their eyes on them, she glared at Matt. "You're a fucking menace, let's just get the check already."

Ten minutes later, they had paid and were outside waiting for their taxis. The head chef had gone out to personally congratulate Julian and Ella and she had started to feel bad for deceiving everyone at the restaurant like that. The champagne and dessert had been worth it though, but the guilt set in when before they left, one of the waitresses gave her a lovely bouquet of roses.

Once outside, Ella had felt like she could breathe again. She took one rose out of the arrangement she was holding in her right hand and gave it to Breana. She thanked her with a loud kiss on her cheek which made Matt get in the middle of them to keep Ella away from her, as he'd said.

The lads were all leaving in the same cab back to the hotel, meaning Bre would share the taxi with Julian and Ella.

"Are you staying over?" Julian asked his girlfriend's best friend, knowing he was gonna stay at Ella's.

Breana let out a sarcastic laugh, ""Yeah, absolutely not. I'd like to get a good night's sleep, thank you very much."

Ella rolled her eyes, "We're not that loud."

Bre disagreed instantly, "Yes you are. Don't even try to fight me on this one unless you want me to record a voice note of it next time as proof."

Alex was grateful he'd decided to light up a cigarette the second they stepped outside, he was lost in the nicotine filling his system and texting Arielle to avoid listening further into the conversation his friends were having.

He could hear the commotion behind him after Ella had finally whispered to Breana in her ear what it was that she'd ordered. Alex ignored the gasp the model let out, and how loud Matt had gotten as he was trying to find out too, to read whatever Arielle was saying about the video she was shooting.

Soon enough the cab that was taking the guys arrived and they all started hugging around. Bre wouldn't let go of Matt as Ella walked around hugging everyone goodbye. The PA was feeling weirdly nostalgic even if she knew they'd be back in LA in no time.

Jamie and Nick both squished her in a hug, she was gonna miss them so much. "Gonna wish on every star the months go by fast, I'm gonna miss you so much." They reciprocated her words, promising they'd be back as soon as the holidays were over.

Alex dropped his cigarette on the floor and stepped on it before opening his arms to her. They swayed with their holds tight on each other. "Gonna miss you." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"Me too." Ella replied and let go of him. She took his ring off her finger and gave it back to him, "Sorry for stealing it for so long, hope you enjoyed the champagne at least."

He chuckled, putting the ring back on his little finger. "I did, thanks Ellie." What he hadn't enjoyed was the way his heart dropped at the proposal, and the way his brain seemed to hold onto Julian's every word despite every try at forcing himself to think about anything else.

He was going to go insane.

Smiling brightly, "You're welcome," she said lastly before she left to walk towards Matt and Breana. When she got to them, she poked Bre on the ribs. "As much as I hate him, I wanna say goodbye." She joked.

The model left her boyfriend with a loud peck on his lips and proceeded to hug everyone else goodbye, following after Julian who was now saying bye to Nick with a typical bro hug.

Ella hugged Matt, "Don't take too long to come back yeah? She's gonna be insufferable if you're not back the second it turns 2013."

He laughed in her ear, giving her a squeeze before they both let go of each other. "I will, I promise."

They'd had to basically push Matt into the cab after that, because he could not stop kissing Breana goodbye. They could see the exasperated look on the driver's face but Alex promised him they'd give him a big tip for the inconvenience.

Julian, Ella and Breana waved them goodbye as the car left and then they sighed when it went out of their view.

Ella snaked her arm around Bre's waist and she started walking, "Let's go, my love."

Julian followed after them, chuckling. "I love how the second I'm alone with you two, I end up being the third wheel."

Bre giggled, "Get used to it Jules, she was mine first."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex thought being back in the UK would be the cure for it all. Being away from LA, surrounded by his family and friends and walking through the familiar streets around the city of London would whisk away the thought of Ella.

How wrong had he been.

It had been almost two months since they'd left Los Angeles, the month of November just starting, the weather getting colder and colder on the way to the holiday season. But not cold enough for him to endure the actual madness the Halloween week had caused him.

He'd gone to a Halloween party he'd been invited to with his friends and his girlfriend but nothing interesting had happened there, everything that had gone wrong was purely Ella's fault.

Despite Halloween being on a Thursday, Ella had partied from Wednesday to Friday and Alex only knew because she'd posted pictures to her Instagram that had left him gasping for air.

On Wednesday she had posted multiple pictures of a photoshoot she seemed to have done with Breana. They were both dressed as witches only they only had lacey lingerie bodysuits under a black velvet cloak that barely covered them. They had pointy witch hats on their heads in some pictures and their fingers were halfway covered in some kind of black ink that tied it all together.

The pictures looked stunning, there was no denying Ella's amazing photography skills and creativity when it came to setting a perfect shoot, but the one that had fucked with him the most was one where Ella seemed to have Bre's hand around her neck.

In the picture Ella was laying on the grass, surrounded by black candles lit alive and pages that displayed weird imagery. She was staring at the camera whilst Breana's arm seemed to rest between her boobs so her hand came to wrap around Ella's neck—her pointer finger was lifted and pressing on Ella's bottom lip. The red lighting setting the mood even more.

When Alex saw that as he unlocked his phone and scrolled through instagram, he choked on his coffee. The liquid splattered all over the kitchen counter as he struggled to set the mug down before finding a napkin to clean everything up.

It was like something ignited inside of him, something that he'd tried so hard not to let catch a single spark after coming back from California.

He'd spent a good fifteen minutes staring at the pictures, his eyes stuck on Ella, making him wonder why she wasn't in front of the camera more often. She was meant to be the focus of the frames. He could prove it with that singular picture.

His mind obsessed over how much he wanted to take Breana's place in the pictures, especially that one. He wanted to have her underneath him like that, at his mercy with his hand around her throat—completely surrendered to him.

It was Nick's knock on his door that startled him back to reality, he quickly dropped his empty mug in the sink and locked his phone before opening the door and letting the bassist in. He told him he'd go for a quick piss before they left.

When he got to the bathroom he could only think of the pictures, he had to splash his face multiple times to get the thoughts out of his head. Get a fucking grip mate! He told himself as he tapped his cheeks repeatedly. He sighed, he was going to go mad.

Later that day, when he was too many tequila shots in after a football game they'd been watching had finished in a tense round of penalties, Alex found himself unconsciously scrolling through Instagram and looking for Ella's page.

He found a new picture posted: Breana and Ella dressed in the witch costumes and with cocktails in hand. Bre was helping Ella light up her cigarette with her own that was sticking out from between her teeth.

Alex groaned as he scrolled back down to find the picture he couldn't stop thinking about, only the alcohol loosening his senses up enough to feel his dick twitch in his pants the second he laid his eyes on it.

Fucking hell...

The next night, he remembered being in the kitchen making some popcorn for him and Arielle to snack on while watching movies when he stumbled across yet another picture of her halloween celebrations.

It was a mirror picture this time, taken by Breana who seemed to be dressed as the opposite to her best friend—a regular angel, dressed in all white. In comparison, Ella was wearing nothing but a black corset and a garter belt underneath holding up her sheer thigh high stockings, on her back were a pair of black angel wings that completed her costume. Her long black hair fell in waves over her shoulders but not hiding the swell of her breasts that were on full show thanks to the tightness of her corset.

He cursed under his breath feeling incredibly flustered at the sight, the insistent beeping of the microwave was disrupting his efforts to gather himself. He poured the popcorn in a bowl and hastily made his way back to his room. The movie wasn't even fifteen minutes in when he had pounced on his girlfriend in search of some relief, and he was glad to feel her reciprocation. He'd sighed when he had finished, relishing in the dissipation of his pent up frustration.

That only lasted for a day because he was once again drowning in filthy thoughts about Ella. He was tipsy, dressed as a bloody washing machine to match his girlfriend's costume as Florence—it had been his idea to make the pun work as a costume, Florence and the (washing) Machine—, when he'd gone out for a cigarette and scrolled through social media without even being focused on it. He'd just wanted to distract himself from the noise of the party he was in but the picture Ella had posted only ten minutes before shook his ground.

He hated it because Julian was in it dressed as Hugh Hefner, holding Ella's waist tightly and smiling brightly, yet he fucking loved it because she looked stunning. Playboy bunny, of course she had to dress up as one.

Her legs on full show, only covered by sheer black stockings, the bodice she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly, cuffs on her wrist, a tuxedo collar with a bow tie around her neck, and the bunny ears perched on top of her head. But what made him gasp for air was the fluffy tail on her ass, she just looked so fucking irresistible he almost ran to the bathroom to alleviate himself.

He'd left the party relatively early with Arielle, after she just couldn't wait any longer to get home from all the things he was whispering in her ear. He'd been eager to start it all the second they walked through the front door of his flat, hands working as fast as they could because he could feel the thought of Ella chasing him as he got off with Arielle.

It was like she was haunting his every thought.

Not even after their activities had he been able to catch sleep. Arielle was spent, softly snoring beside him but he just couldn't rest. He got up and hid in the bathroom, his phone clutched in his hand to succumb to temptation, to the thought of her.

He had taken a screenshot of the picture, cropping Julian fast before he could do anything else. He'd tried his hardest to stay as quiet as possible as his fist pumped his hard cock, shaky breaths leaving him with each stroke to the sight of Ella in that damn costume.

He thought how he'd not be able to wait much to fuck her in it, he was sure that if he was with her that night he'd have her bent over the kitchen counter the second they got home. His hand print would certainly be marked on her ass by the end of the night and her neck littered with love bites because there was nothing he wanted to do more than to mark that pretty neck up as he pounded into her from behind.

The thought of his hips rocking against hers was more than enough to tip him over the end, imagining he was letting his cum drip all over her ass and her lower back. What a sight that would be.

He felt calmer after that, but as he cleaned up he started to grow restless. What the fuck are you doing? He asked himself, looking at his reflection in the mirror, he was disappointed in himself for having just wanked to a picture of Ella for the second time, but mostly because the satisfaction was stronger than his disappointment. He made sure to delete the screenshot from his phone before he exited the bathroom, the last thing he needed was his girlfriend finding out he was cumming to the thought of somebody else.

He thought then, when Halloween week was over and November claimed its very first week, it would be back to normal for him, as normal as it could be. She had been posting her usual pictures: shots of different parts of the city of Los Angeles, candids of strangers around her, pictures from her usual photoshoots which mostly caught Breana front and center of the camera. His innocent scrolls through Instagram were just that, innocent and appreciating of her talent, but a fateful afternoon in the very middle of the month had him cursing into the air.

She looked drenched, head to toe, but only wearing a two-piece lingerie set that made his eyes roll back into his head. He groaned as he started getting hard in his sweatpants. She had suspenders that clasped on the top of her knickers and those thigh high stockings that looked marvelous on her. Her legs looked longer with the stilettos she had on and the oversized blazer that was hanging off her shoulders somehow made her look hotter. She had him in shambles.

'He says I'm his muse' she'd captioned it and Alex wished he could tell her she was his too. Despite wanting to punch Julian for having Ella, he mentally thanked him for such a stunning picture of her.

That had been the third time he'd made a mess in the bathroom to the thought of her, this time in the shower just like the first time and letting himself make as much noise as he wanted to since he was home alone. He was afraid of letting himself moan Ella's name, wary of the things that would unravel but when it fell from his lips as he came, he'd never felt something sound more right in his life.

He should've really listened to himself back then and stopped himself from moaning her name because by the last month of the year, he'd lost count of how many times he'd come undone while chanting her name. The walls echoing her name back to him every time he needed relief, which was almost every time she posted.

To a picture of her naked silhouette on the beach against the golden light casted by the dying sun. A picture Julian had taken of her naked in bed, the sheets barely covering her body. A picture Breana had taken of her sucking her middle finger staring at the camera, her hollowed cheeks on perfect show. A picture just centered on her tits which were barely covered by the two glasses of vodka cranberry she had, one on each hand and over her nipples.

He had lost count of how many times he had screenshotted and deleted pictures from his phone to not get caught. He found himself looking through her instagram more times than not. It was bad, he was down bad.

It had been Matt who had caught onto him, it only had taken him a few times to catch up onto his pattern.

The first time had been when they had all been over at Alex's to watch an American football match they had been anticipating, that's why it had been so weird to Matt when Alex stood up and left in the middle of a play that was gonna end up in a definite touchdown for the team they were rooting for.

Alex had gotten a notification on his phone, opened Instagram only to find a picture that had made him choke on the sip of beer he'd taken. He tried to put his phone down and watch the game but his eyes were almost glued to the picture Ella had just posted.

It was her in front of the camera with her boyfriend behind her, holding her bare tits for her. His hands covered her breasts from the camera as she glared at it with a threatening stare. Her red lips were enticing with a lit up cigarette hanging from them. 'Bras are overrated'. He was embarrassed of how fast he'd liked the picture, considering unliking it to maintain his reputation intact but it was too late, Ella probably had already gotten the notification about it.

He was quick to just up and leave, hearing the commentator's talk in the background about how that play was decisive for the future of the team in the season on the road to the Superbowl. He couldn't be arsed about the fucking game anymore, not when his jeans grew painfully constricting by the second, the longer that he stared at the picture.

He made sure to close both his bedroom door and his ensuite door, groaning in pleasure as his fingers closed around his cock. He thought about himself holding her that way, the way he would pinch her nipples, play with them, twist them around, knead her tits and mark them up until she was cuming underneath him. His thoughts only focused on how much he'd love to make her lose herself entirely just by him playing with her breasts.

His movements were fast, trying to picture her moaning—just like he always did. 'What a privilege must it be to hear those pretty sounds' that was a thought that permanently stayed in his head and that time it wasn't the exception. He'd want to explore every inch of her skin, see which spot in her neck would have her squirming around and whining for him not to stop.

He could almost hear her begging him to suck harder, to not stop.

"Fuck– Ella–" his words sounded strangled as he came.

Five minutes was the time he'd taken and the time it had taken the game to almost finish. There were only thirty seconds on the clock and it was the last quarter of the game. It was good that his team was winning by seven points or else he'd actually be disappointed to see them leave.

Matt frowned at him, "Where'd you go?"

"Had to use the toilet." The singer replied way too quickly and aggressively.

The drummer knew instantly he was lying, Nick and Jamie noticed too but they were too invested in the game to care. But Matt was nosey so he kept his gaze on his best mate as if that would give him the truth, but it didn't.

Alex ignored him completely, keeping his eyes on the television screen and not once reciprocating the stare. Matt hummed, intrigued. He was sure he'd find out what had happened eventually.

Matt's eyes went back to the end of the game and when it was over they celebrated their team's victory by four points. Alex offered to bring them all new bottles of beer and once he was gone, the drummer pulled out his phone to pass the time.

He had a few notifications piled up, the one about Ella's new picture having been posted only 7 minutes before was there below a few new texts he'd gotten from Breana. He was quick to answer to his girlfriend, not being able to connect the dots about Alex's behavior.

A few days later, when they were all at Nick's, Matt had caught Alex being weird again. Only this time he had a certain idea of what could be happening.

Kelly and Katie had been going on about the wedding planning and how they had found a lovely florist and now they needed to start looking for the bridesmaids dresses and Kelly's wedding dress. Matt had joked about how Nick would be getting a quick day to shop for his tux and then they'd put all of their focus on the stag party.

The sizzle of the wood burning on the fireplace was loud but not enough to overpower their laughter, Alex almost missed the buzzing in his pocket.

He had been talking to his girlfriend, as she was coming back to London to spend the holidays with him and his family. He was nervous but excited, mostly excited—to have her back and see if she could cure his fogged up brain which had been claimed by Ella in the past three months.

Not even their raunchy phone calls would take the multiple images of Ella he had in his head and he was starting to feel bad. He could only hope that being able to have Arielle back beside him would sweep the thoughts away.

She had been texting him her flight information, going on and on about how nervous she was to spend the holidays with Penny and David, to which he had been telling her it would be alright. His parents had always loved having his girlfriends over when it was holiday season, and they both really liked her. It would be alright.

He had expected another 'won't I be bothering you all?' or maybe a 'how many presents should I take?' when he pulled out his phone from his pocket but he'd gotten that notification, the one that was his doom and blessing at the same time.

'Ella Hayes just posted a picture'

He sighed, bringing the brightness down on his phone so no one around him could catch what he was seeing. It wasn't like they could, he was sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room, barely interacting with anyone other than the moments he'd join them all in laughter. They knew he was texting his girlfriend so they weren't asking about it, Matt had already teased the information out of him earlier.

Alex stood up and absentmindedly asked anyone if they wanted a refill, to which only Jamie and Matt asked for another bottle of beer.

He nodded before scurrying away to the hallway that would take him to the kitchen. When he was halfway through it, he opened the app and found himself at a loss of words at the sight.

He set his empty bottle on top of the kitchen island and looked up at the ceiling almost like asking someone up there for help. He rubbed his face with his left hand, knowing what was going to happen. There was not even time for him to double think it, or feel too embarrassed about it because with another look at what she had posted, he was gone down the rabbit hole she sent him to.

It was Ella's car—he could see the mirrorball with the cowboy hat hanging from the rearview mirror—and it had the door open. Ella was seated on the passenger seat, her long legs stretched so that her stiletto-clad feet were resting on the windowsill of the door.

All he could see was her legs, her long tan legs and he was gone. He couldn't not do it.

He didn't even hesitate to exit the kitchen and walk further down the hallway into the guest bathroom.

He cussed under his breath staring at the picture like it could come alive. He could see how the leather skirt she was wearing was barely covering her so the bottom of her ass was on show and pressed over the seat.

Feral. He felt like he was going feral.

He had thought about kissing up her legs, marking them up from her ankles all the way up to her inner thighs. If he thought hard enough, he could hear her panting as he got closer to her heat. He came so fast just thinking about the ways he'd edge her and how good she could sound begging him to help her like she needed to. She'd taste so sweet, he was sure and his mouth found itself dry at the thought of tasting her.

He'd had to bite his lip to not make noise, his insides hurt at the fact that he couldn't call out her name, but he'd rather not be caught. He didn't care if he had taken too long to make his friends wonder what he was doing, he could only think about how good that had felt.

He made sure to check himself so it wasn't obvious, the flush on his cheeks could be given to his drinking so he didn't think much about it.

The people in the living room finally heard the opening of the fridge and the clinking of the bottles as Alex made his way back to them.

"Took you long enough," joked Jamie as he was handed his bottle. "Cheers mate."

Matt was handed his and he couldn't help but interrogate his friend who had a pretty elated look on his face. "Where did you go?"

Alex panicked, shrugging his shoulders. "Erm... Arielle. I was talking to Arielle."

The singer's voice was trying to sound firm but he knew him like the back of his hand. So Matt just nodded, his brows still furrowed in confusion, "Arielle... Right." He knew that face, he had it himself every time after he'd call Breana late at night and she'd dirty talk him into orgasm. Alex had just gotten off. Dirty fucker, thought Matt.

A few minutes went by, when Matt's phone pinged. He unlocked it and cussed, "Jesus fucking Christ."

"What?" Nick asked with a chuckle.

Matt looked flustered and brought his beer bottle to his face for his cheeks to cool down. "Remind me to thank Ella tomorrow. Holy fuck."

Alex tensed, there was no way he was talking like that about Ella's picture surely.

His questions were answered when Kelly asked him further, "Why?"

The drummer stood up and handed her his phone, "She takes the best pictures of Bre, I swear."

Alex let go of the breath he had been holding, Fuck, that was close.

Kelly whistled lowly, "Lucky man, Helders. She's fucking fit."

Matt smiled proudly, "I know, I know."

The phone was passed around and Katie gasped, "When am I meeting Ella? I want my pictures taken like that, fucking hell."

When the phone reached Alex's hand, he nodded agreeing with everyone else. Bre was leaning back on a windowsill, her head thrown back so it wasn't captured on the frame; the room completely dark but the golden hour lighting bathing her body which was covered only by a white lingerie set. "You should go to LA with us next year, Ella takes the best pictures."

The rest of the lads agreed, and Jamie further suggested Katie joining them in LA as Alex handed Matt back his phone.

The singer's peace was interrupted when Matt, a few seconds later, coughed as he'd choked on the mouthful of beer he'd taken.

Everyone asked him if he was okay as he continued to cough, "Fucks sake." He cursed, trying to get oxygen back into his lungs. "I cannot believe it's the Ella we know that keeps posting these pictures."

Kelly had heard loads about Ella so she was intrigued to see, she asked to grab Matt's phone and he handed it to her easily. He looked at Alex, who caught his gaze but averted it quickly—Matt had clearly seen his like on the picture, a picture which had only been posted some minutes before when he was 'talking to Arielle'.

"That's hot," Kelly said quickly, making Nick laugh at her bluntness, "What? She is!" She then turned the phone to show Katie and Jamie, "Are you gonna tell me that's not hot?"

"Fuck yes, it is." Agreed Katie instantly.

Matt encouraged them to look at the rest of her pictures then, remembering she had posted some that had left him wondering if it was really the Ellie he knew. "You should look at some of her other pictures, they are insane considering how shy she used to always be."

And that's how Kelly and Katie had started scrolling through her pictures and marveling over them.

"This is Ella? The one that went to Vegas with yous and Bre?" Had asked Kelly, completely at loss for words.

She remembered how coy she had been when they talked on the phone during that trip, after the boys had found out about her and Nick's engagement.

Matt nodded with a smirk, "Yep, that's her."

Jamie quickly added, "She's gotten with this lad, and now she's just her filthy self in the open. Good for her actually, he's fit, nice lad."

"Oooo," wondered Katie, "Are there pictures of him?"

Matt cackled, "Yeah, he makes a few appearances on her page."

When they found one they gasped, "Fucking hell!" Katie grabbed Jamie's arm for him to see, he didn't have social media so she was sure he hadn't seen any of the pictures.

It was a picture of them on a bike by the beach, she was in a bikini and he was shirtless. They looked incredibly good together, like the protagonists of a movie. Jamie smiled at it, they looked so happy. He was so happy for Ella.

"They look good together, don't they?" the guitarist asked his girlfriend, who was almost drooling.

"They're both fucking fit! Are you joking?" Katie exclaimed.

Alex wanted to leave the room, he didn't want to start thinking about those two together once again. Not when he had just done that to her latest picture a few minutes before.

"Right, Al?" He only managed to hear from Matt.

He had gotten lost in the thought of Ella, again. "Sorry, what?"

"I said that they make a great couple." Matt wanted to push his buttons, just to see if he'd break.

Alex smiled, it was so forced that Katie and Kelly looked at Matt searching for answers about his distaste for them. The drummer only smirked harder and then turned back to stare at his friend, wanting to hear him say it.

"They are. Very good couple." The singer agreed, painfully.

And right then, Matt started narrating the fake proposal to Kelly and Katie. Alex rolled his eyes, letting his head hang, staring at his 'death ramps' ring as Matt's voice filled his ears.

But the moment that had fully confirmed Matt's suspicions was when they were over at Alex's a few days before New Year's Eve.

The lads were all sat in the living room, chatting about how Christmas had been. Everyone was really interrogating Alex about how it had gone for Arielle to spend Christmas over with him and his parents. The conversation had turned after about ten minutes, Jamie and Nick chatting loudly as Matt and Alex were caught up by their phones.

Alex was just distracted, his girlfriend was texting him from time to time as she'd gone out for the day with her friends. Matt was talking to Ella and Breana though, in the groupchat the three of them had.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:22) I have some scans that I just found and I've decided this will be my Christmas gift for you Matt.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:24) You know where to send them, Ellie xx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:25) Please tell me you're not in public, i don't want to get blamed for your indecency.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:25) I'm at Alex's. send them over x

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:26) He's gonna wank in his guest bathroom, how much do you wanna bet, Ellie?

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:26) Not even gonna bet, he will do it. I'm 100% sure.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:27) Am I really gonna be kept waiting? You've already talked Miss Hayes, email them.

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:28) Someone's eager...

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:28) Babe I miss you and Ella takes the best pictures of you, of course I am xxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:29) Miss you more, honey. You're gonna love these, everything is red ;) xxxx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:31) Aw cute. Don't start sexting here please, I will like to not be traumatized x

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:32) Shut up, you're dirtier than me and Bre combined x

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:34) And proud of it! (Just sent them, enjoy idiot xx)

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:34) Matt, don't leave yet, I'm trying to convince Ella to post at least one of the ones I took of her that day.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:35) What are the options?

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:35) Just sent them to you.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:37) Ellie, these are fucking amazing. At least post them to brag about Bre's photography skills. You're teaching her well xx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:37) See!!!! That one where she's doing the strap of her heel is my favorite.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:38) But it's just been Christmas, maybe I should post something more festive?

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:38) Babe if you don't post it, I will go into your account and do it for you.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:39) It'll be a christmas gift for people's wank banks. I'm sure julian will greatly appreciate it xx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:39) Wank banks?! Stop it.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:39) Yeah your boyfriend's for a start. And I'm sure there's a long list after him.

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:40) Honey, I said convince her not keep her from it.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:42) Matt you're such an idiot, but okay I will post it only for you Bre. Any excuse to brag about my girl xxxxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:42) Yay! love youuuu xxxxxxx

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:43) And for Julian???? Also stop trying to steal MY girlfriend.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:43) Hahaha sure for Julian too. And I will never xx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:45) Okay Matt, you can go enjoy those pictures now xxxxx

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:45) Thanks hot stuff, talk to you later? xxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:45) Definitely ;) xxx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:46) Disgusting, bye. Enjoy your wank.

Matt chuckled, he wanted to do nothing more than to leave and enjoy the scans Ella had sent him but he wanted to confirm his suspicions first.

He had joined Jamie and Nick's chat to appear distracted but he truly had all of his attention on Alex.

Five minutes later when both of their phones vibrated to the notification, Matt had to force himself to act as if he hadn't noticed.

Alex had frozen in his seat, his finger clicking on it and he sat up straighter when he opened the picture. He felt like Ella was purposely torturing him. A groan was stuck in his throat when the picture loaded.

Ella was leaning on the wall, wearing a red sheer robe. She was slightly bent down with her leg lifted upwards so she could do the strap of the heels she was wearing. Her hair was covering up her face, so her body was the main focus of the frame. The robe fell open on her legs so her 'Divine Feminine' tattoo was on full show and over it there was a garter band holding a dagger to her thigh.

'Femme fatale, taken by my favorite girl @breanamcdow xxxx'

He was trying to play it cool, Matt would give him that. But he only held up for two minutes before he excused himself saying, "Erm, I'm gonna go phone Arielle." He pointed behind him in the direction of his room as he stood up, he looked absolutely flustered.

The drummer wanted to laugh, and his other two friends noticed. They asked him what was happening, and he just dismissed them saying it was nothing. Internally he was laughing his ass off, Alex was still so fucked up over Ella—he found it comical.

He couldn't even let it go for the time being until Arielle would come back, because she was staying over at her friend's.

He was cursing as he moved around, locking both doors he'd gone through. It was like a routine by then, but it didn't feel like it. Lately, cumming to Ella's pictures felt more rewarding than fucking his girlfriend and it was killing him inside.

The fact that he couldn't even find pleasure in someone else, someone he should be, haunted him.

It was hard to recall ever being this bent out of shape by someone. He had never been this bewitched by a person he hadn't even gotten to properly kiss. He had loved before but whatever he was feeling now burnt.

He was branded by the thought of her.

When he'd come back, fifteen minutes later, Matt was elated. He knew it, he fucking knew it. The look on Alex's face was almost screaming it out loud for everyone to know.

Matt was intrigued, the question of how many times had he done that popping into the forefront of his brain. And if he wanted to know the answer, it was too many times. So many that Alex had lost count, so many that when he fucked his girlfriend saying her name felt utterly wrong—as if every bit of him belonged to Ella instead of Arielle.

He was frustrated to say the least. In not finding any comfort in the person he was supposed to, and he used to find it in Arielle but that was before he had seen Ella again.

She had come back into his life with a curse. He was sure she unknowingly had put him under a spell.

As the days passed, he had forced himself to try. To try really hard.

Try being the key word.

After New Year's day, when he'd woken up to a text from Ella wishing him a lovely new year and telling him she couldn't wait to have them all back, he had almost folded. Almost. And he was relieved by the fact that he could feel he could hold back a little bit longer, if he focused enough on not being affected by her.

But then as the first week of the year came to an end, and they only had a week left to go back to LA, Ella posted something that completely unleashed him.

She had gotten a new tattoo, a hand tattoo. 'Pure Desire' it read in big cursive letters in the middle of the top of her right hand.

The picture was what had made him let out a rough groan from the deepest pit of his chest.

She had her freshly tattooed hand around Julian's neck, her fingers tight around his throat and the tattoo on perfect focus in the middle of the frame.

'What a pretty little necklace'

Alex absolutely lost himself that night.

When Arielle came back, only twenty minutes later, he kissed her passionately. Arielle had moaned into his mouth filled with joy at the pleasant surprise. She'd dropped her bags on the floor and worked quickly on the buttons of his shirt, leaving his chest on show for her when the fabric dropped next to her purse.

They had moved fast to the bedroom, Alex kissing and bruising every bit of her neck and chest after they got on the bed. Arielle brought his face back up to kiss him fiercely before they could go on further, his hands worked on freeing her from her clothes trying his hardest to not interrupt the kiss, which was barely a proper one as their teeth clashed and their mouths hung open to let out their shaky breaths caused by the friction of their hips rocking against each others'.

Alex worked on automatic pilot, quickly undressing himself and putting a condom on. He grabbed his dick and teased her entrance, Arielle clung to his shoulders with her nails digging on his back while she moaned into his ear. He cursed, as he wasn't able to hold back any longer.

He filled her up completely in one swift motion, Arielle's head thrown back in pleasure as he bottomed out. He used to love seeing her falling apart under him from the very first moment he slid inside of her but now the view wasn't doing much for him. His brain kept asking for one person, one who was an ocean away.

He felt so disappointed that he gave into his thoughts so easily, letting his brain become clouded by the fantasy of it being Ella in his bed. He swore he opened his eyes back up and it was her. Ella, under him, cupping his jaw and begging him to go faster.

And who was he to deny her of anything?

Alex picked up the pace, grabbing one of Ella's thighs to lift her leg over his shoulder, and he felt himself grow harder inside her when a loud whine came out of her mouth.

She sounded so sweet, just like she always had. He left a trail of open mouth kisses from her chin down to the valley of her breasts, he used his tongue to tease her nipples. Sucking bruises around them, softly biting them to make her moan louder.

Ella lifted her hand to his mouth and made him suck her fingers, his saliva slowly dripping down her digits which were then quickly pressed to her clit. She started rubbing it in soft motions but when he brought his own hand up to make her rub harder on it, she started feeling herself nearing over the edge of her orgasm.

He felt her clenching harder as his pace sped up and to the sound of their skin slapping, their curses, their moans, joined the thud of the headboard hitting the wall. He groaned into her ear as he felt himself being milked by the tightness of her walls.

It only took his "Cum for me, darling." for Ella to give into the heavy pleasure and come undone. Her fingers tangled in his hair as her back arched and she trembled under him in a powerful orgasm, he felt himself spilling into the condom—his thrusts faltered and lost rhythm as he came.

He cursed into her ear, "Fucking hell," groaning as he rode out their orgasms. He sighed completely overcome in pleasure, "Ell–," he started but as he opened his eyes and saw Arielle looking completely blissed out under him, he felt himself wanting to be sick. "Arielle," he was quick to change and she giggled.

She fucking giggled under him, way too distracted by the euphoria of her orgasm to even catch his mortified expression.

Arielle opened her eyes, holding his face and pressing multiple kisses to his lips. "I love you," she said, and he felt his heart dropping. He only hummed and stood up.

He didn't feel anything at all when he pulled out of her. Not when he went to the bathroom and discarded the condom. He looked at himself in the mirror and wanted to scream. He could not do this to Arielle any longer, she deserved better than whatever the fuck the situation had turned into.

He grabbed a cloth to clean her up, at least he would be nice to her before letting her go. There was no way he could continue the relationship if he knew his heart was set on someone else. He just couldn't.

He let her cuddle into him, as if he wasn't dying inside from disappointment in himself. She was on cloud nine, that had been the best sex they'd had in a while. She'd thought, what a wonderful way to start the new year.

If she had only known.

The next morning he had felt compelled to make some breakfast, he wanted to let her down easy—as if it had been a one night stand and not a relationship that had gone on for seven months.

She was eating the omelet he'd made, sipping on her coffee happily when he'd turned back from the stove, and he'd looked at her with a frown. It was the second time he'd actually looked at her that whole morning.

"Arielle, I, erm–," he started, not even having the correct words to say what he wanted to say, "I don't think this is working anymore."

She had snorted, waiting for the punchline of his joke but when she was met with absolute silence, her eyes jumped back on him. "What?"

"I, erm, I don't think we should be together anymore."

A loud scoff came from her, what the fuck? "I don't get it..."

He frowned even harder, was there another way to interpret what he had just said? There was no way he couldn't have been clearer.

"I don't think we should keep this relationship going." Alex repeated and he felt so heartless, he could see the more he repeated it, the more her heart was taking a hit.

"Stop," Arielle pleaded. "I fucking get what you said, but why?" She sounded so desperate to find sense in what was happening. It all felt like a fever dream.

He had no clue what to say, "It's me." He plainly added, not wanting to use the cringe phrase that worked oh so perfectly well for the situation.

Arielle let out a humorless laugh, "What the fuck was last night then? Did you know you were doing this? You wanted to get one last fuck out of me?" Her words were poisonous, trying to cause him at least half of the hurt he was causing her.

But despite her pushing to get something out of him, the singer could only let his face fall. "No, I didn't. I–" He felt bad for her, it truly was entirely his fault but if he admitted what was truly happening, he knew Arielle could blame Ella and he couldn't have that happen. Not when Ella hadn't done anything wrong. "I'm so sorry, Arielle. I really am."

She groaned frustrated, the fork dropping on the middle of the plate made him wince, just as the screeching of the chair she was sitting on did.

She'd rushed to get dressed, pack all of her shit up and leave his place. She tried her hardest to do it all quickly but to not forget a thing, she didn't want to see him for a while.

When she was done, about an hour later, Alex was nowhere to be seen.

"Coward." The model muttered as she walked through the door.

When Arielle got outside, leaving the building in which he lived that she planned to never see again, she waited for a taxi she'd called. What she hadn't noticed was Alex walking back to his place, a couple blocks away, seeing her there standing under the gloomy sky.

He felt like such a shitty person, even more so when she dropped her case in the boot of the cab and got into the backseat with a haste. He saw her wiping her cheeks before closing the door. The car drove by and he didn't even look at it, he just walked back home with his gaze on the pavement and a cigarette in between his lips.

When Alex made it through his front door again, it felt like something in the air had changed. He felt free for a change, like his heart could leap in his chest without a trace of guilt.

But later that day, when Breana posted a picture of Julian and Ella to her own page, he felt the sharpness of a needle poke his chest. Seeing them happily dancing under the streetlights had his heart twisting with hurt.

The heartache he got from seeing her happy with somebody else was only stronger now that he was alone.

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A/N: Oh Alex... He's such an idiot. I hope you enjoyed, I'm really excited to share all that's coming next! Cannot believe we're already in Part 6 though, time goes by too fast. Thank you so much for reading everyone, I still pinch myself when I see people interacting with my stories and you all saying you enjoy them means the absolute world to me. See you soon for the next one xx

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