#2020 can keep the virus tho

[gayri-chmac]

trump presidency dream smp drama tiktok ban wildfires me making tumblr posts 2020 is TRULY back ong

[talbot-larry]

Rant about Wolfman 2025 and the Whannellification of monsters

Ok so I've been doing some critical thinking about Wolfman 2025, and comparing it to Invisible Man 2020, if that can help predict what's in store for Wolfman fans. Honestly I can't remember which I saw first, 1931 or 2020 Invisible Man, while I haven't delved into reviews of 2020 by universal monster fans (scared it would be a wank about feminism in movies) I'm seeing how it was hardly an adaption of the original movie, they kept the name Griffin but that was it? So, I wasn't the devoted universal monster fan I was then as I am now, and thought the 2020 movie was brilliant. I'm sure there will be plenty of people who will view Wolfman 2025 the way I did Invisible Man 2020, because hey, Invisible Man had its moments and maybe Wolfman will too? It's ok to be inspired by the monster movies, but taking what makes them great (monsters) out of them and replacing them with more vaguely reality grounded/sci fi/frankly boring alternatives is well, boring. It may be a 'fresh new take' but is it enjoyable?

That's not to say the originals are perfect, inspiring, compelling master pieces, but I've watched the 2 og films mentioned a lot more than Invisible Man 2020 (might be because I lost the dvd tho) It's not as though the originals weren't trying to 'say something' about society, they just weren't so ham-fisted about it. Wolfman 2025 was written during quarantine, which influenced it to be a covid-esque film (trapped in a house, degenerative disease, losing loved one to said disease) which sure. Fine. As implied by Whannell, with how its influenced by 80s horror, particularly body horror there's probably a healthy dose of Cronenburg's The Fly and Carpenters The Thing in there. All of which there's nothing wrong with, I LOVE body horror and I love those 2 movies. But why make this mishmash combination a Wolfman movie? Why not a separate werewolf movie? 2010's Wolfman adaption, while flawed, was still a wolfman movie. I will say lycanthropy as a degenerative disease is a dope idea! I've been working on a story that follows a similar theme for a couple years now.

As for what I think we can expect, or rather not expect, I've been telling myself the following since the featurette. I am not going to expect a Wolfman remake. I am not going to expect even a good werewolf movie. What am I going to expect? From what Mr Whannell is promising, another 80s horror homage. A virus film. A film trying to 'say something'. I was watching a youtuber (nerdsquish) talk about the film and she said after the trailer and creature design reveal she's considering passing and waiting until streaming, unless there are rave reviews for it (tho I expect there will be from normies non-monster fans) and tbh I'm feeling the same way. I'll probably grab the first boot I find. I'll probably keep up with trailers and clips, hoping it will redeem itself and bitch about discuss it here. Which sucks cuz yall know I was looking forward to wearing that Wolfman shirt to opening night, but why give this movie money if its so...blah?

Closing remark, kinda last word here, Whannell's monster movies kind of bring that 'elevated horror' quote to mind, it goes something like 'Elevated Horror movies are for people who hate horror movies' (? I think?). Whannell's movie are for people who wouldn't be caught dead watching a movie with a rubber bat, a man covered in yak hair, Claude Rains in bandages. they're idea refitted into 'watchable' media, not 'remakes' but soulless 'fresh takes'. I'm PRAYING this doesn't become a trend.

As for my doubts, I hope Whannell can prove me wrong.

Rant over

[arcthebreeder]

Log_71.TXT

06/10/2024, 11:55 (GMT-5)

Before anything.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Getting back to business!

During this week, I've been working with Tyutyumon on helping Andromon and MegaloGrowmon evolve, since Tyutyumon has a lot more means and knowledge than me on the field of upgrading mechanical Digimon.

Recently, some digimon have been discovered through an investigation some hackers have been pulling up since 2020, this investigation has given us some new information before, like the existence of an X-Antibody variant of the Virus-Type Greymon, however, this time, this investigation reached a server of the Digital World dubbed LACUNA, a it's unknown when or why this place was created, but inside it, new species like the the Pteromon and Shoemon lines, digimon that I've encountered before but didn't know where technically imported from this LACUNA place. What does this have to do with my digimon you ask? Well, a new digimon line has been found, related to Impmon and Guilmon, it's some kind of adaptation of the Guilmon line that has been affected by the data of punk-rock culture, one of this digimon is a Perfect level called Loudmon, that reminisces MegaloGrowmon, and Tyutyumon and I have speculated that if MegaloGrowmon can slide evolve between the two perfect stages it could help him evolve into Ultimate faster! Kinda like what Helloogarmon did, sliding from said digimon to Soloogarmon when the situation required it, tho due to the similarities between MegaloGrowmon and Loudmon I think this hypothetical slide evolution could be more of a power diversification than an actual field advantage, like the first two.

On Andromon's side his evolutionary path has already been decided by Tyutyumon, HiAndromon is the best option to evolve into, since it is a more advanced and powerful version of the Andromon we all know.

Regarding my less mechanical digimon, they've been training in case something happens with the army, they've been awfully quiet lately and I speculate that it may be due to a plan they could be arranging, the other four people I know that breed digimon could help get me some information, specifically Bit, who I recently discovered, lives near her city's equivalent to The Fourth Brigade, the place that leads the military in my city.

I won't ask her to charge at them for no reason, since her digimon aren't used to fighting, but any help she can provide is more than useful. In the meantime, I'll start helping Canoweissmon with his training, he's been giving everything he has to become stronger along with Rasenmon and the rest! I'll help them once I'm done running the last tests Tyutyumon and I have to do on MegaloGrowmon to see if he can start slide evolving, which we'll do tomorrow in the morning!

Lastly I've also got some personal news.

I got into college! I was accepted a few days ago and tomorrow I'll do all the legal stuff I have to do to have my info in order before I enter, I'll do everything after I'm done with MegaloGrowmon's tests. I'll start classes in August, but fear not, my schedule for doing digimon related stuff will still suck, so the blog will probably be unaffected by this, it'll even get better I'd say since there's a chance more Tamers wander around my campus! So I'll maybe get some more people to run these errands with!, but only time will tell!

And even once I'm done with college, I'll keep you updated!

ATT: ARC

[illuzijan]

about carla

LEGAL NAME(S): Carla Radames ; Legally Married as "Ada Wong" NICKNAME(S): Ahab ; The Whaler BIRTH DATE: November 13, 1986 AGE: 38 GENDER/PRONOUNS: She doesn't know she's a nonbinary person; Comfortable with any pronouns ORIENTATION: Bisexual; has issues with the ex husband tho. ETHNICITY/NATIONALITY: Caucasian/American, born in Detroit. Got blasted into Ada Wong by a freak. ZODIAC SIGN: Scorpio CURRENT RESIDENCE: the Guild Lodge, location classified. EDUCATION: BSc: Microbiology (1998), Minor: Biology (1998), MD: Doctor of Medicine (2000), PhDMP: Virology (2000), Associates in Mortuary Science (2004). OCCUPATION: Mercenary for hire, Assassin for free. EYE COLOR: Dark brown. HAIR COLOR: Black. HEIGHT: 170 cm / 5'7''. BUILD: Long legs, long arms, gymnast build. SKIN: Olive tone. SKIN MARKINGS: Small freckles on cheeks. SCARS: a bunch she can't explain because they're not hers. FAST FACTS: Carla has spent the last four years reconstituting her body after being found by The Guild in 2020, in the stomach of an infected whale. She's now on a mission to kill the rest of the Simmons Family.

APPEARANCE. 

Carla is a 38 year old woman who resembles, uncannily, Ada Wong. Face detection systems recognize her as the enigmatic figure, and on a genetic level (albeit her genes are an absolute landmine), she reads as "Ada Wong". Even her fingerprints belong to the pseudonym.

She is 5'7', and taller in heels, with black hair that she typically keeps short. Her hair is usually in a bob cut, but she's also come to like pulling it back in a very small ponytail, or completely slicking it back in a pompadour. She wears as little clothing as she can get away with, preferring very breathable fabrics to absolutely anything else.

She has a shred of red fabric on her at all times. It's absolutely heinously destroyed but she keeps carrying it. This red fabric can be a neckerchief, a pocket square, or just a worry object for her.

PERSONALITY. 

Vicious. She is ruthlessly mean, sardonic, and smarmy. She developed into a creature that had no sympathy or concern for anyone but herself and her goals initially.

After that did not work out, she's developed into the same absolute jackass she was, but now with effort to control herself.

She can make connections with other people without it needing to be about controlling them! A huge step to her absolutely foul behavior!

Carla is revenge-driven above everything else, even her own substantial accomplishments. She will do absolutely heinous things in the name of revenge, and it is her justification for most of her abominable actions.

HISTORY.

For her history, see public/private knowledge.

C-VIRUS.

Chrysalid has made Carla look human. She is not human in the slightest. Her genetic makeup is the crucible meld of dozens of different creatures. As such, she boasts a number of unique and common abilities as a Bio Organic Weapon, or BOW.

Firstly, she is incredibly hot to the touch. Her resting body temperature is well above a human's, and can rise exponentially as she gains wounds (a trait of the Veronica Virus). This leads to her wounds steaming.

Secondly, she has the ability to command infected of the C-Type. They absolutely are unable to resist her will. Zombies of any type will leave her alone without incident, and she has no risk of being infected by other Progenitor-based viruses.

Thirdly, she's hard to kill. She's hard to kill. Her body will mutate in response to extreme trauma, and can survive fatal wounds by becoming a Chrysalid again.

Carla's eyes have a mirror like lens in them. In certain light conditions this shows up.

She can willfully use the Chrysalid mutation of the Iluzija snake (chromatophore cloaking) to turn temporarily invisible. It's not exactly useful unless she's wearing nothing though.

Carla looks young. She looks like Ada at 27. She will permanently at default "look" like Ada at 27. She simply doesn't age.

Her metabolism is insane.

[radiantform]

havent made a rant in a while so maybe its time to let it rip

ppl wear masks now when they get sick, but like its odd to me because you're just breathing in all that sick air and making yourself more sick, and not exposing ppl to things doesn't actually do them any favors, its like how antibiotics or like heartworm medicine for dogs is not working anymore bec we rely on them too much, nature is intelligent and will adapt to anything, and especially something artificial, in order to have a fighting chance against an organism that is alive and adapting in this world you have to bring your own alive and adapting spirit to the table, and its not like we dont have things that can help, we do but those things have to be alive and adapting in the interaction, like a plant, medicinal herbs/tree barks/etc. If its manufactured in a laboratory its essentially static and dead and whatever virus, parasite, pathogen can just learn to evolve with it. The only way to get stronger is to go thru the fire...expose yourself and build your bodies strength by using plants. I guess its still so taboo to talk about this tho...ppl will straight up tell me they wear masks now when they are sick and im just like, omg in my head and I know they could never handle the conversation so i just dont say anything... why did we have to demonize the real hippies for 2 years in 2020, its insane, now we can never talk about anything and now, it just seems hard to have a relationship with someone when u cant be totally honest with them. There are so many things i just dont find interesting anymore...I can never really go back to who i use to be, its weird to think abt how much ive changed. I use to think I wanted to be a part of an artist community or music community or even activist community but every community i use to be a part of shunned any alternative thinking in 2020 and beyond and I just realized so much about our world during that time that now I just have values that beyond what most of those communities prioritize...like I'll always be an artist into weird music and standing up for poor working class ppl but I def dont think we can change anything thru the political system and I think Im so much more aware of how dark and unhealthy everything is and deciding to change my behavior and move towards creating a better world is the all encompassing priority now. I just feel so bad when I think about the younger generations... I feel like so many young ppl are so unhealthy and sick, poor, working shitty jobs and its so fucked up...we cant keep living like this, everyone needs to live in a better world its honestly the only thing that really matters to me. Im only interested in the deepest truths that can change the world, no matter how uncomfortable they are.

[pendragaryen]

I'm wishing you a happy new years eve, dear fam, friends and followers- and of course only the best for the upcoming new year 2022! 2022 already... Wtf... The last year seems to me almost like a blur tbh...

I've read my post from last year's NYE and I almost had to laugh-cry or something like that... The hope and the optimism was almost unmatched. What has changed, so that I'll probably be unable to spread much of this positivity today then (even if I desperately wanted to)?

Let's have a look ok?

So, first, and on the brightest note, there's to mention that my family is still healthy, even after almost 2 years of a worldwide pandemic. Even the condition of my father's health had gotten better after the heart attack on christmas eve last year. I cannot stress enough how important these things are to me. Other wishes... had shrunken to almost nothing within the last years. Other things grow much more important to me. Small things. Like a visit of my mom or my sister here and there, seeing my best friend, and if it's just once every three or four months... Talking with friends and colleagues via social media... Decorating my flat and rearranging my furniture... Treating myself and my little hammy with small gifts... The nearby nature and photographing it... Watching all my favourite shows or movies (I'm sooo looking forward to watch Bob's new show Love Me! And the movie, that Beliza is starring in!🧡)... Homeoffice... Scented candles... Coffee... Food...

On the other hand tho it's more than difficult to stay positive if nothing seems to have changed since last year concerning the pandemic. Not really. I see the small steps my government takes in the right directions (more vaccine for example...), but if there's so many people (almost 30 % in my country) who still don't want to cooperate and get vaccinated, I can see us all spiraling down into the next lockdown on a frequent basis... There will always be new mutations of that damn virus. This will never really end. I just really hope that they will be able to create a medication (in combination with vaccinations for example) that can help us to prepare ourselves for that. I heard there's a medication already in the making and ordered. But whether it really helps ALL people? I don't know... I know we're all trying our best to stay positive (more or less) but I'm tired... Gods I'm so so tired... And I do not even start again about my very own mental health condition... no... It would lead to nothing here. Just know that despite the fact that I'm so tired... I'm still here trying, working on myself. It seems to get harder with each passing day though.

I am an introvert. So I was alone most of my time even BEFORE Covid-19, and it was okay for me then. But this situation now... It truly makes it much worse. And I know it's not only me who silently suffers that way. But to know that doesn't help much. There are better days, when I try to remind myself of all the good and small and precious things I mentioned above. And it works. But there are also the "dog days", when it's even hard for me to get up in the morning...

So.. sorry if on this fine new years eve I'm in trouble finding the proper words to send you optimistic thoughts. I have cero expectations for the new year this time. Therefore I can only be positively surprised if things will turn out well in the end, right?

The only thing that I have planned for next year is (like in 2020 and in 2021 as well) my trip to Paris in April and to attend the Spacewalkers Convention, that had been postponed... what was it? 3 times? Or was it already 4 times? I have lost count... And I almost lost my eagerness to go too. This is... frustrating. I blame the pandemic as well as a certain shitheaded showrunner for this, for "killing my mood". It's just me and my way of thinking, I know. I shouldn't let myself be influenced by such things. But as I said, I am getting more and more tired... and so it's really difficult to stay strong and keep up the ability to be... euphoric. And not only in regards to the plans I mentioned above.

However... Let's see what the new year will bring us. We haven't much of a choice, have we? So let's dive head first into it. For all its flaws... earth is really beautiful... It should be our first priority to keep it alive and well. If we try to treat our environment better, I'm sure we would heal some major diseases of mankind itself. And at long last.. maybe even that damn virus.

But despite my own thoughts and state of mind: Of course I'm thinking of you guys and wishing you all the best, lots of health and love and everything you wish for yourself! May it all come true. And may the new year surprise me/us in the best possible way. *whispers* Please...

See you on the other side! Thanks for bearing with me. Thanks for existing. I love you, dear fam.😘🍀🍾🥂🕯

Tagging just a few people, but please note, that my wishes go out to each and every member of the fam🤗 @togetherkru @natassakar @geekyogicheese @bellamyblake @carrieeve @ninappon @roguetwelve @infp-with-all-the-feelings @immortalpramheda @poppykru @kateemcintyre @lee-em-dee @heartbellamy @jeanie205 And a special thought from me to @merlination and @toshihakari

[msmoonfire]

How to prep for MABON ‘20 -COVID19 edition

Hey my fellow witches! This year we have to rearrange our Mabon fest according to all the covid19 restrictions. 

I’m going to share some tips and ideas to inspire you guys to prep for this holiday & celebrate in total safety. ♥️ 

First let me tell ya what Google says for us in the Northern hemisphere:

Mabon 2020 will begin on Monday, September 21  and ends on Tuesday, September 29.

Keep in mind that the most important days are Sep 21-23. Witches in the Southern hemisphere will celebrate around March 19-22 & bookmark this post to prep at their best;)) 

SO, let’s start this journey with the right foot IN ADVANCE.  All the late witches out there yeah you heard me: IN ADVANCE. Make yourself ready BEFOREHAND. We’re going thru this together.

1. Thinking of a party? MAKE SURE WHOEVER IS CELEBRATING WITH YOU (except for close people you’ve always shared the same roof with) TESTS NEGATIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS. Force them to get tested, ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE ON VACATION. No tests, no invitations. Be firm on this point.  > anti-covid tip: always sanitize your hands and go get tested yourself first!

***I highly recommend to spend most of this sacred time all by yourself to minimize the risk of contracting the virus. We will party together once a good vaccine or an effective cure is out and globally accessible... Let’s wait😉

2. If you have a garden, and had planted some herbs/fruit/veggies before, go pick the results of the 2nd harvest and use them to cook delicious foods during Mabon! (Lammas is the 1st harvest, yep) > anti-covid tip: gardening is an outdoor hobby that allows you to keep social distancing & breathe fresh air 

3. An Equinox is "equal”: re-establish balance in general. I’m talking about your overall ph, diet, work, feelings, home, social life... Don’t stress over useless activities, limit vices & excess, avoid fights, don’t hustle, don’t splurge, don’t push yourself in the gym, don’t let your home/room look like a junkyard, take good care of yourself, only be there for people who love you... Take this time of the year as a moment to re-gain harmony and equilibrium in all comfort. > anti-covid tip: reducing stress levels can improve your immune system

4. Apples are in season, so be creative with em! Use apples for multiple purposes, even for decorating your altar if you will. Snack on them, offer them, cook them, collect their seeds, whatever comes to your mind... > anti-covid tip: rinse your apples thoroughly, never share your apple while eating one + a healthy diet feat. apples can boost your immune system

5. Work with the element of EARTH. Here comes the spellwork my lovelies... Connect with your crystals, use herbs in your rituals, offer food, sit on the ground if you can, be out in nature, curate your garden, learn to cook, position your altar (or anything else) to the South (*Southern hemi: to the North), enhance your natural beauty, seek beauty in the simple things etc... > anti-covid tip: spending time away from the crowds does actually reduce the chances of getting infected

6. Stay hydrated, drink your water & treat yourself. Drink vegetable milk or tea to pamper yourself a little more than usual whenever you have a break (or a cozy spa night at home). I’m very into herbal teas and lemon/apple water atm, not the spicy ones tho (save them for Samhain & winter!). If you’re fully allowed to drink alcohol, sip a glass of Rosé (loads of good Pinot Noir rosé are out this season, but any rosé will do), Portuguese Tinto, or maybe Pinot Gris. As for beer, just stick to the one that you prefer or try lighter ones! *remember balance is key, drink responsibly or not at all* > anti-covid tip: never share your glass while drinking your beverages, make sure glasses & bottles are sanitized and clean

7. Get comfy within your body: love your figure, feel yourself, train your 5 senses, stretch a lot/practice yoga, look at yourself in the mirror, take selfies or photos of beautiful details, touch/massage yourself, take care of your hair, groom, apply body lotion and enjoy your earthly beauty. Mabon wants you to look bomb hun! > anti-covid tip: getting familiar with your own body can help you recognize any weird symptoms easily, as well as the smallest changes in your system... Be friendly to your body and it will thank you in so many ways later on!

8. Use a big jar to save money. A little sum everyday. Open the jar only after the sabbat of Samhain. Trust me, this month is crucial for saving money. Autumn is coming and we must prepare for all those transitional, unplanned expenses that we will have to face during the colder months. Remember to look at the jar everyday and speak some words of gratitude. Working with money, food and tangible stuff of any sort are also activities that are related to the element of Earth.  > anti-covid tip: always wash your hands after handling money

9. ALWAYS PRIORITIZE YOUR SAFETY WITHOUT FEELING STUPID OR PARANOID. This way you’ll end up saving someone else’s life, believe it or not. Leave the d16Kheads say whatever they want to say & be strong. Clean your disposable/reusable mask with disinfectant, make sure you never forget it and please stay safe... but try to minimize the waste. Avoid crowded places as much as possible, prefer open venues with plenty of room for maintaining social distancing, avoid peak hours in shops/malls/supermarket/whatever, carry hand sanitizer with you, keep your distance especially from people who might show evident covid symptoms and remember to be kind to people! Oh and SMILE a lot: your mouth is hidden but your sweet eyes are OUT! 😉

Hope this post was helpful for all of you lovelies,

xox msmoonfire

[harrysdimplles]

a wish your heart makes

AN: it has been so long since I posted anything I don't even know if anyone is gonna read this: if you do, know that this is supposed to be a self indulgent fluffy but sad moment in time for our boy and his beloved. 2020 is hard as fuck on everyone, but they've still got each other, which is just what they need. Feedback is welcomed, and very appreciated.

or, the one with unexpected changes on Christmas time.

She felt truly pathetic, hiding in the kitchen just to have a little cry. Surely, the day granted the woman some maneuvering to be overly emotional but she had been keeping things in for years, now. She was good at it. She was fine.

Except for that very moment, looking out into the path that led to Harry's LA mansion as tears rolled down her cheeks, his voice carrying from the living room, a grainy image on a tiny screen the closest thing he had to his mum. It was just so unfair, the way that ratchet virus put the world upside down in just months. It broke her heart, cause YN knew what it felt like, being trapped away from the most important person in your life, the person you loved most. It had to be worse for her boyfriend, tho. He had to make a choice, to keep his family safe, was doing his best to act as if that didn't bother him much but...

YN could still see it, the heaviness in his eyes whenever he thought no one was looking. Could feel it, especially today. She'd give up anything to get him home, was the thing. No hesitations, just as she knew Harry would do for her. He'd trade everything he had, everything he was if it meant his girl could have one more day with her mom. Would use any wish, risk messing the future in a time travel just for a chance to see her with the person who made her who she was. He couldn't, but he would, and that certainty only made YN love him more fiercely.

"The bad news is that I still have no idea what she got us, but mum said she's making sure the cats don't mess up the wrapping, love" his arms wrapped around her as the man spoke, pulling her in. "Promised it'll be the first thing we see once we can go back home"

"Anne knows you'd spoil the surprise, babe" gripping his fingers tight, YN forced herself not to break into sobs, blinking old memories away.

"I did that once! It was yehr birthday for fuck's sake...spent weeks getting everything set so you could roam the oldest library in the world, sue me for being excited!"

"It was perfect, but with only two days left, they really thought you'd keep up the charade" she felt him tense once he spotted the tear tracks, left thumb coming up to brush the traces off.

"I'm sorry she's not here right now, lovie" he didn't even have to ask. After three years, the man knew how to spot it when things got rough "I think she is, somehow, but I'm sorry it's not the way you need her to" words mashed together as he leaned over to kiss her temple, then her close eyelids once the crying started again.

"I miss her so much, H. I miss her, I miss Anne, and Gem and I just...fucking hate that you can't be home. You have a family that's so full of love. You should be with them today" she was crying so hard at the end of the sentence YN was convinced the only thing keeping her from shattering into the ground was the way he kept her close.

Harry felt the same, his grip on her growing strong as the moments passed, tears prickling the back of his own eyes while they stood there, the world feeling like too much to bear.

"I am" he whispered, once the girl tired herself out, her breathing starting to settle again. "You're here. Yeh're my family too, silly. And I'm yours. All of me, okay?" A kiss to her hair, one to her lips, her face moving when she nodded "I miss them too, but we have each other. You're right here, the most amazing girl out there. You love me back. What more could I wish for?" each of his words rang true, coating the walls of the room of a promise.

When she couldn't help but cry again, it wasn't just for sadness.

[wot-tidbits]

WOT Fandom in 2020

Hello, UAF!

It is again this time of the year when to draw the line and summarize what stuff has happened in the past 12 months. Reference for previous 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.

1. TV Series

There couldn’t be anything other on first place. We followed all the rumors, all the leaks and all the new casting announcements. Unfortunately the production was postponed twice because of that virus but at the same time it gives us hope that the team will have more time to be perfect on the special effects and to give us even better entertainment. We all cross fingers to watch the finished product in 2021. We cannot wait to scream our lungs on that first trailer and later on the opening credits of the first episode.

2. Secret Santa

The tradition was saved! Congratulations for the initiative of @sun-dari to get the matter in her hands and organize the project. Thank you all for participating and creating new WoT material.

3. Art

I hope you will agree as for this year the hottest artist in the fandom is Maria Lia Malandrino @mlm-illustrations. She has taken the Twitter community over her WoT chibis of various WoT characters or personalized commissions. She also participated in couple of episodes of The Dusty Wheel Youtube podcast. She was everywhere and people were mad in love with her work.

Honorable mention for the long anticipated comeback of @queen-serena. <3

5. Here is the place to shoutout and congratulate @highladyluck for being my fave WoT blog this year. I know, I am biased and always a slut for respectful Tuon content. (not a villain tho!)

Honorable mentions for @incorrectwot who keeps this journey for so long and gives us good laugh,  @ofthebrownajah, @bi-aviendha, @gladysplummer and @amemoryofwot. Keep going!

So correct me if I missed some WOT event worth mentioning and you can join nominations with your suggestions.

Let the Light keep you safe.

LightOne

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

[broadwaycantdie]

Race’s Quarantine Journal

( Race’s POV ) + ( Diary ) + ( High School AU )

a/n: aka me projecting

sorry this is shitty, i’m just feeling a lot rn and i wanted to get it all out

warnings: mental health, mentions of self harm and death, language

March 10, 2020

Everything has been crazy. People keep talking about some virus going around. It’s probably not too bad, I’ve had the flu before.

March 13, 2020

My school just sent me an email saying we can’t go back until April? Huh? Well at least I can finally get a break. School has been kicking my ass. I need a nice little vacation. I’ll relax and hang out with my friends. A quick little month long break ain’t too bad my senior year.

March 18, 2020

You’re telling me that my teachers are still giving work on this break? And they want me to video chat with them? Hell no. This is my vacation. I’ll just catch up when we go back to school.

March 21, 2020

So my parents aren’t letting me leave the house? It can’t be that bad. Maybe I should do my own research cause there is no way that all these shops should be closing and that I can't leave. I don't know what I’ll do if I’m stuck in this house for a month. All my friends can't leave either. Maybe we can just video chat I guess. I’ll see them soon enough anyway.

March 31, 2020

I’ve done so much research. Everything is so bad. So many people are dying. No one is doing anything about it. Why the fuck isn't anyone doing anything about it? Why are people still going out? Nothing is open. Go home.

April 1, 2020

I woke up today hoping this all was a crazy April Fool’s prank.

I wish I was right.

April 6, 2020

I was supposed to go back to school today.

Instead I got another email saying the closure got extended.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to go back.

April 10, 2020

I’ve been picking up a lot of hobbies.

Mostly I’ve been dancing. It calms my nerves. I’m going crazy in this house.

I tried painting but that got messy. I tried reading some books but words have never been the easiest things for me. I tried playing guitar with an old one I found in the garage but it hurts my fingers too much.

I’ll stick with dancing.

April 15, 2020

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve redecorated my bedroom 3 times and my parents told me if they hear me moving furniture in the middle of the night one more time they’d make me take everything down.

I feel trapped.

April 16, 2020

Maybe I should try to write in here more. That’s the only thing I can think to do. I could do a “what I did today” or a mood tracker. I might actually do the mood tracker but I know all well I won’t do it everyday. Maybe weekly? Maybe every couple days? Maybe whenever I feel like it?

Okay....today I feel: Bored.

April 22, 2020

It's Earth Day. One of my favorite days.

I hope that with the world shut down the Earth can breathe a little easier today.

Today I feel: Hopeful.

April 25, 2020

Today would’ve been my senior prom.

I actually had a date and everything, for the first time. How great would that have been?

I’m not gonna write a lot today. Too sad.

May 1, 2020

I can’t do this much longer. Everything sucks and I feel so stuck. I haven't left my house, I haven't seen my friends, my family is driving me crazy, my sleep schedule is totally fucked, I haven’t been this depressed since middle school, and I can’t do anything about any of it. It fucking sucks.

May 3, 2020

Let’s play a fun game. Okay so I’ll start with 10 fingers up and if this thing has happened put a finger down.

Okay so put a finger down if you really liked someone and you had a good thing going with them but you let the worst person in your life convince you that you shouldn't be with them and that they were the problem so you had to hurt the person you really liked to make the worst person feel better cause they manipulated you and took control of your brain and then the person you liked ended up dating one of your friends and you couldn't even be mad at them cause they were so happy and cute and you were happy for them both but then they broke up and you don’t know if it’s cool to talk to the guy you liked cause your friend is the ex and you haven't talked to them in a long time and they probably hate you cause you hurt him and he wouldn't understand cause your excuse is so shitty and you guys are now so different and life is just really hard and you think about what y’all had and miss it so much cause it was so good and thats all you want, to be loved, and you know it’ll never be the same so you don't even bother.

I’m down to 9 fingers.

God I fucking miss him.

May 4, 2020

For a long time I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve love and I really think it’s true. That’s all I’ve ever wanted but I’ve done so many bad things what if no one wants me?

Everyone hates me. My friends only pretend to like me. I don’t understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like me. I’m so difficult.

May 6, 2020

It feels like I dropped out.

I’m not doing any school work. I missed my prom. I probably won't have a graduation ceremony. Worst part is, I didn’t drop out. I can’t just move on. I have to just sit with this.

I guess it's not hitting me as hard as some other people because I didn’t even plan to be alive this long so I was already prepared to miss them. It’ll probably hit me soon tho. I just won't let myself breakdown. Not yet.

May 8, 2020

Can I just say something?

I’m so fucking tired of being alone.

Not just cause quarantine, like in general. I want to be loved but I have to fuck everything up all the time, God why am I so stupid all the time?

And I don’t mean my friends just saying “oh I love you!” like no, thats nice, but at the end of the day that’s not the kind of love thats going to marry me, or hold me when I can’t sleep at night, or cook dinner with me.

I’m so tired of being undeserving and undesirable. What is wrong with me? What does everyone hate so much?

If I’m being honest, I cry every night because of this loneliness I feel. I just want it to stop.

May 10, 2020

My panic attacks are getting worse. For no reason.

I panic over things that 3 months ago I would've just pushed away. But now this isolation and fear is making everything so bad.

I started seeing things again. I started picking and twitching and shaking again. I haven't been this bad in a long time. How long before the thoughts come back? The urges? Will I be able to stop them this time? I hope so. I really hope.

May 13, 2020

So I’ve officially reverted back into my childhood state of watching old cartoons all day for any sort of serotonin. It's working a little ngl.

May 15, 2020

I picked up my yearbook today. I drove to my school and they handed it to me through a window. Can’t get it signed, can’t see anyone, can’t do anything.

I don't know if I have the strength to look through it right now knowing I might never see these kids again.

May 17, 2020

I had one of the worst episodes in a while today.

I saw this video and I don’t wanna talk about it cause I don't want to think about it but it made me twitch and shake for so long.

I couldn’t stop. I was so scared. I picked at my skin for a long time. I couldn't open my eyes. My head hurts from shaking for so long.

I just want to go to sleep.

May 20, 2020

My parents are so clueless. Do they really not know? Do they choose to look past it? Do they know and not want to say anything?

Can they not see that I’m not fucking okay?

There is no way they don’t notice how I twitch and shake and pick at my skin. They can’t ignore my tear soaked face almost daily. They might not see when I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and desperately try to calm myself. But they never ask me if I’m okay.

The answer is “no” if they ever decide to ask.

May 23, 2020

I’m official a high school graduate!

Though it doesn't really feel like it.

I drove to the school and picked up my diploma and that was it. A masked “congratulations” and a piece of paper and that was that.

Congrats to me though. I guess.

May 27, 2020

I feel so empty.

Actually, I don't feel anything.

I just sit here. I don't remember when I last ate. I haven’t gotten out of bed. Haven’t watched anything. Just thinking.

Today is not a good day.

I don't want to be alive today.

I just hope the urges stay at bay. I don't know if I can stop myself this time.

May 30, 2020

I wish I was dead.

Everything I love is being taken away from me.

I want to kill myself. I haven’t felt like this in years. Everything is only getting worse and I can't stop it.

I want to but I can’t. If I try and fail thats selfish cause I’d be taking up space in the hospital for people who actually need it.

I’m useless. I’m powerless. I want out.

May 31, 2020

I’m so sick. I’m so weak. My head is killing me.

I’m not sick, I just feel shitty. Not an uncommon feeling.

I don’t know how much longer I can fight off the urges.

I’m sorry.

I wish I was sick. It would make this whole thing easier. I feel like this will never end. I want out.

I’m sorry.

[kazamastar]

Welcome to 2021

Ver. 2.1 - Ok. February but still, here we are. “Behold it’s me” as Logic would say. [...] I’m sorry I’m a bit shook because I started to write at 10:01AM, and it’s precisely 12:07AM, I was progressing pretty well in the process of writting and then I made a bad move and lost everything I wrote. I’m kinda mad. Really, I was this 👌 close to give up on writting it, and you can notice that the pixels are touching. But I guess the “I said I’d do it, so I’m going to do it” mentality is taking me places, once again. Even if I have to start again (that's called mental strength, take notes). And I said I’d write it baked so here I am, baked and hella motivated to do it. So, W shouldn’t help me reminding me what I wrote in the first version but nevermind. So I guess I'll put the most things I remember. I can tell there were good ideas ! I'll take this occasion to remind everyone the concept of these posts but first we will recap numbers of this year (well, more or less accurate for 2020 as I'm writting one month late) (and I'll fucking stop writting on the tumblr site and switch to OpenOffice so my next words are not lost again). 637 Nakamas (thank y'all for being here, even if I post 12847 times in a row. You're the best). 3609 posts and 23 376 likes. (109 drafts : lol it's less than a few weeks ago)

Pic : Plot twist 2. No more smile, but the return of the bowtie. (aka « The 4 days late suit » aka « I'm old enough to know better »)

The choice of this picture was so simple. Or maybe I should have chosen the one with the mustache only I took during lockdown ? Ahah. But … this picture could almost resume the year on its own. If I'd describe it in depth and explain the context, I could review 70% of the events that happened this year (and I think I'll go for that later, interesting exercise).

So. First let me explain the goal of these sums up. Each « Welcome to XXXX » is a resume, a sum up of the year XXXX-1. I write these for me, it's a funny way to keep track of all these years. I try to describe more or less precisely what happened during the year. I allow myself to be more or less precise because I firstly write these for me. And sometimes these posts tend to be long. Especially this one. It's gonna be sooo long. Like, idk maybe highlight this line and take a few seconds to scroll down and see how looooong it is. Kinda discouraging isn't it ? Lucky you it won't go on forever though as today, as I'm writting that it's 12:23PM and I'll have to be gone at 4 or 5PM. But I think contraints make art, even if I don't like to write under any kind of pressure. But I'm determined to do it in one take. So in these posts I also write about the TV Shows, manga, anime, movies I've seen/read. Even books, as I finally had the chance to read « Le Petit Prince » this year. We all know we had time this year, don't we ? And at the end, I post a 12 songs playlist (+ songs that I discovered this year that also are going to remind me of the year). We can roughly say it's « 1 song/1 month » but it's not always true. These songs are songs I like a lot, like really (but not necessarily my favorite) but above all, they remind me of the year I'm resuming (it can also be older songs). I also post my top 3 albums of the year. I'm thinking also of detailing my choices of playlist. Maybe not explaining all of them but a few. [12:36PM. And I'm already hungry.] On the 1st try I remember I talked about the TV shows I saw. I forgot to mention it but I write in English for a few reasons. First is : it helps me exercising my English. For me, it's the most beautiful langage to talk and it's a good occasion to do so. And then I actually enjoy writting in English. And it prevents unwanted people who don't master English to read all that (as it is pretty intimate). But joke's on me, I'm conscious the people I'd like to keep away from reading this all master English, and even better than me for some of them. (It surely is the case for 27 at least, even though we all know she still won't read this lol). Yes, I never drop names in these sum ups. Or at least, some names are blacklisted. I always chose a number to nominate them they would normally recognize themselves. So, talking about English, I've seen « Emily in Paris » on Netflix. It may surprize you but I'm very interested in dubbing. French dubbing is amazing. For example I bought « Spiderman » on PS4 this year and the french voice is the same voice actor as in the « Amazing Spider-Man » (yes the one with Andrew Garfield). (UNPOPULAR OPINION : Andrew Garfield actually is the best spiderman. Or at least the one I prefer and by far). Emily in Paris is funny because I watched it in English and it kinda disturbed me that it took place in Paris but everybody spoke English. On the other hand, if you watch it in French, langages people are talking become logical (French people speak french) but you'll have to deal with the DEADLY ANNOYING French voice of Emily. And her accent. I think I just watched 1 or 2 episodes like that, I couldn't take more ?. If you have time you should take 5 seconds to listen to what I'm talking about. But it was quite a good show. It was so fun to see these streets I've been visiting for so long in a Netflix show. By the way, I think it's easy to say that I'm missing Paris so much. But not only for the tourism, but most and foremost for the competitions. Before being a tourist I was a competitor there. So, I'm missing Paris but I'm also missing karate competitions. And also just karate. I haven't stepped on a tatami for 3 weeks and it still seems like it won't get better, and we all know why. I'm curious if I could talk about this year without mentioning a very famous virus but I think it's just impossible. But this virus gave me a lot of time in March and April. Maybe less in November tho. I could finally finish The Walking Dead, which last seasons were surprisingly good. And it was so fun to watch the reactions of people on Youtube [#]. Talking about karate competitions, I also watched Cobra Kai ! What an amazing job they did there. Adding more depth to the first movie, it's funny to change perspective and see that the Daniel we were rooting for wasn't that much of a « perfect good guy » we saw (I'm not talking about the kick in the face etc). It's also funny to notice I kinda went fro Daniel to Johnny lol. But having a Netflix show talking about martial arts and value they teach to their students ? It was perfect, even more when you see that some of my students also saw it so when we were training I was refering to it they almost all got it. And it's also funny to see that it's not as Manichean as the 1st movie was. It's a 9/10 for me. If I read the last sum up right, I said : « This year 2020 I really need to watch Kimetsu no yaiba, Jojo, Violet evergarden, Gintama and i have to keep ready 7 deadly sins. » So : Kimetsu no Yaiba was dope. The anime was beautiful and the manga was very entertaining. Not a top tier manga but definitively a good one. Jojo's anime was cool but too long. I stopped after season 2 or 3 I guess ? Violet Evergarden was TRASH (and very bad for a date, if you ask me) and I didn't take time to explore the 2 others. I also saw : Assassination classroom (5/10, i couldn't finish it so i skipped directly to the last episode, was as moving as people said), Validé (8/10, with an insane final episode), No Game No Life (8,5/10, i loved it), Freaks and Geeks (7,5 but i didn't finish it, I really like the old school vibe), Code geass (7/10, great anime and great opening). I finally discovered Community and it was worth it. What a funny show. And what a pleasure to see Mr Donald Glover on screen. Makes me think that I need to watch Atlanta again. The problem with Community is the last seasons broke the 4th wall too much for me, it became painful to watch. But the 3 or 4 seasons are crazy. Another show that was even more funny : IT Crowd. I finally had the chance to see the episode of « I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I just finished my milk ». This show is a 9,25/10. Grand Army was also a great show of 2020. Dom is an amazing character (but I already said it). Kengan Ashura was also so cool ! I think it's what Baki would have liked to become. This year I also started to watch « American horror Story » again (alone and not alone). These last seasons were awesome. I also converted Elodi to «my hero academia », it was so cool to share that. Other things I saw : SAO S4 (AMAZING, SO BEAUTIFUL), Erased, SNK Last season) ; The Mandalorian, 24's 9th season.« Queen's gambit » have been one of the greatest show I've seen this year. And I really want to say that I played chess before the show came out (add me on Lichess if you want to play with me. Same username. I'm not strong -about 1000 ELO I guess- but I'm always happy to play and learn). If you want a precise idea of my level, on the chess.com app, I can beat Emir 🇹🇷 (1000 ELO) often but I didn't win once against Sven 🇸🇰 (who is ~1100 ELO). I'm so happy talking about all these lengthen the post even more. Kinda satisfying. But I could also talk about Tekken and chess this year. I think I have a thing with dueling sports. I'm a Karate competitor, I love Tekken and I like chess. I guess someone has something to prove haha. But come on, chess is incredible. For the 1st lockdown, I was just playing (not alone) but I wanted to make progress just by practicing. And that's how I got BB 5 or 7 (yes, it means Beat By = my number of loss in a row). But at the end of the 2nd lockdown I finally allowed myself to study a little more, thanks to Youtube (once again). This is SO INTERESTING. Like the strategies, the top players. French content creators are fun but I like american ones more. Eric Rosen is my favourite. He's always calm, he often finds solutions. GothamChess is also very entertaining. You can say by how he talks he has been a teacher. He's great. So, once again on some shonen shit, I started studying more. Mid December, a kid beat me 2 times in a row. He's a smart kid, I like him. He didn't brag or anything. And then, during Christmas Holidays I spent 2 or 3 hours a day watching chess videos. I guess he hasn't been able to beat me since then haha. By the way I should play with him later on today. Playing chess is a way for me to make sure my brain doesn't let me down, like gym for the brain. At least, it's what I thought when I started but I quickly discovered that it's a game of patterns recognizing, so memory is really challenged here. I mean, in the middlegame you have to be smart to get by but at the beginning and ending … you have to know your openings. I have also thought of joining a club but I don't know if chess communities are benevolent. I also noticed that high ranked players seem to have strong personalities. And then for Tekken (yes, 3 years and a half later I'm still on this game) I'm still making progress. In March, someone made me want to play Heihachi. What a funny character. Not top tier, but fun. Leroy Smith is also fun to play. There was no offline tournament but I won one, the 1st organized by Tekken Toulouse and finished 5th at the second. It's funny to live that level of stress straight from my bed. Usually, that kind of stress making my whole body trembling is usually found nearby tatamis of Karate competitons. (Yes, these Tekken tournaments make me stressful and that's the reason I can't play Jin in tournaments). But Eddy is still a sure value. Still progressing in movement, and whiff punishing. Mishimas are getting more consistent on electrics but it's not perfect. By the way, if you love fighting games and Bruce Lee, there's a video you need to see (whoever you are) : [#]. If you're really interested in these topics, you should appreciate this video as much as I did [2:10 PM. I have eaten, but now I have the feeling that I'm late.] Btw I don't skip line to add some « length » effect. Once again I'm sorry if making it until here was painful to read, but I need to make this paragraph the least attractive I can. This line I'm writting is almost on the 3rd page of OpenOffice. And I try to avoid using emojis, so there's just text. Tout dans le fond, pas de forme. Also, congratulations for making it until here, you must be very motivated. I'm writting slowly because it's the 1st time I write this by daytime, and I swear at the begining people were harassing me ahah. It's fun because the sum up of 2019 was so short. Just with its form, you can tell how 2019 have been peaceful. I don't remember if I talked about it already but a disaster could have happened in September/October 2019. But karate kept my mind busy so the worst have been avoided. Time spent on the tatamis kept me away from overthinking about my problems. And that was a good strategy indeed. Because in 2020 it wasn't the same. If we count right. Dojos were opened in January, February, 1st half of march, reopened in September and october, closed on november and opened in December (Mon Dieu quel … CASSE-TEX hahaha merci c'est tout pour moi). It was a weird karate year. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my last competition. During the 1st lockdown, I had litteraly no desire to train. Some of you know why. But let's talk a bit more about COVID and lockdowns. The most important thing is that I didn't spent the 1st lonely. This was the most challenging time of my life, but I can say that I made it thanks to 0808 so I'm eternally grateful for that. So, if we recap months by months : January was a funny month. One thing that I thought a miracle happened (until I found out months later what a real miracle was). I also almost went into a brawl. I guess this weird ass month set the tone for the 11 months to follow. February … was one of the calmest month. I had an awesome dojo session in Balma with 0808 in February. I think there were a lot of beautiful sunsets this month. Guess our weather power was at its peak. These 3 1st months of 2020 had a lot of trainings, even if I was injured due to kumite. March and April are kinda the same for me. I won't talking long about these but I'd simply say that I'm glad that I hadn't to write to 27. So, the Miracle happened by mid April. Mid april to mid may, it was cool. We were at home but … the weather was nice, I was doing sport everyday (but no real karate trainings) and I could keep this rythm of exercising until … Half July, which is good. It's the first time in my life I'm that consistent in doing sports at home. From mid may, I started to train with Coach O. on a weekly basis. It was incredible. These days were still bliss in my mind. I was there, no « real problems » in mind, I wasn't alone, I was making progress physically … It was really great. And from mi may to end of July, it kept getting better.Indeed, I fell in love again in January and it was getting stronger by the months. It's been a while I haven't fell this hard for someone. But she gave it back to me nicely. And then … Mala suerte 3.0. This point of the sum up is funny because I do remember when I talked about mala suerte in the other sum ups. I do realize how it's always the same thing when I write those : « 1st part of the year is cool, then not cool, then cool again but in a weird way because I have insane difficulties to repair broken parts of me » but hey. This time it's not my fault. It makes me realize how cyclic all this is. So, August, September and October have been terrible and chaotic months. A level of sadness rarely reached until there. Maybe comparable to September 2018. A high level of anger also. But still, with rare occasions to train, so no occasions to let go off steam. In fact, let's talk a bit about this anger. I've always took a lot of pride in the fact that I could most of the time remain calm in a lot of situations. Plus, being patient isn't something natural but … I learned to be through the years. I was so surprised to notice how angry I became … It simply wasn't me. But the reason is simple : I really think karate brings me balance in life, on a lot of levels (and it concerns me a lot for when I'll stop competing one day …). But I realized it so I'm working on it. In 2020, I led a lot of fights, sometimes I won and often I lost, but I also avoided a lot of them. One of the reasons I think I'm not ready to be a good partner is first I think I'm too angry. I don't think I could be mean to my partner but … I think I could be annoying to deal with. But mainly, I'm not ready to better myself now. To find the good partner, you need to become a good partner first, and this is precisely what I'm not ready to become. Despite being not perfect, I'm fine that way and I know how far from perfect I'm right now. But nevermind. This is the kind of state of mind you can't afford when you're in a relationship. I'm not saying you need to change to fit your partner's ideals. But if you notice something's wrong in your behaviour/habits and don't want to correct it, you might be a bad partner (but I could be wrong, I'm not a couple therapist lol).

Oh. And that's the moment I can describe my photo to tell the story differently. So this shot was taken precisely on Sunday, 4th of October. 1302 got confirmed so we had to go to the Temple du Salin. I went there with my father and he decided to rock a bowtie so I wanted to match him. It was so fun. That was the first time we stepped in a church after « all these events ». It was a strong moment for me. So, this picture (taken by me, thank you tripod) was taken 4 days after I « took a gamble ». I took a lot of gambles this year. One memorable gamble that lead to beautiful pictures of Toulouse was on August 27th (lol). This was after our breakup. I gave her an adress and an hour, and I hopped she would come. She never came so this was a lost gamble. (So I had a great time watching « Back to the future » outdoors, on a big movie screen, but I was alone). But this time was different. I did suppose she would be at one place on a certain day at the end of September. And I gambled right because she was there. And even if the context was so particular, I can tell we had a great time. I was so ready that I put on my best white shirt, because I knew she kinda liked it. I was there to win her back but I simply failed. Guess the shirt wasn't enough. So it was funny to wear the full suit 4 days later, I was like « Dude, nice effort but it's too late  lol» (plus the Temple du Salin is on the other side of the closest bridge from her home) but I still hopped to cross her road on that day. Oh and as we're analyzing this picture, I really like the bokeh on the autmun-colored leaves. I had the luck to have a very sweet light when I took these pictures. And the post processing was really funny. I have a lot of versions of this picture indeed. But all these colors in the background always make me think of a quote I love :  « Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go » and this quote is so damn right. I discovered this year that I have difficulties to let things go. The thing is I hate injustice. I hate to see things that litteraly belong to me, things I deserve, simply run away from me. Sometimes I'm telling myself it's just my karma making me pay for all the شيطان I've done in the past. But other times I just try to convince myself to let go. It's been the 2nd most challenging thing this year. These levels of depression have never been reached before. But still, here I am. But not stronger than before. I had this conversation a few weeks ago about « what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ». To support this idea, some people might evoke the principle of « Kintsugi » as an example. But I strongly disagree about the first statement. I'm not a goddamn bowl. I take the example of my lower belly scar : it didn't kill me but it didn't get stronger either. That's the exact opposite indeed. Sometimes it still hurts even though it's been done 12 years ago (the last time it hurt was this night, almost stopping me from finding sleep). It's a personal opinion but what didn't kill me made me weaker. And I'm not just talking about physical injuries. Losing the ability to trust after all these events isn't what I'd call « getting stronger », even though « I didn't do anything wrong ». That's an expensive price. Bref. I think you can overcompensate with something else but the damaged parts may stay weak after. [3:03 PM. So I have about 1 hour to finish it. Easy.] There's one thing I wanted to talk about in this sum up, related to the fact of « being strong ». I read Blach again (you can tell by my december posts) and I started with the lost agent arc, followed by the TYBW arc. There's 2 things about it : its poetry, through the words and the drawings will always amaze me (it amazed me even if it’s the 2nd time I’me reading it), and the 2nd thing : I love how Ichigo become stronger. He lost his Shinigami powers but then found his Fullbring powers. And that is very important because he becomes strong again, but it's a different kind of strong and I LOVE THIS. It's like in real life. I was very strong in June 2012 (videos as proof), but it's not the same strong as in July 2017 or April/November 2018. June and July 2020 have been a different kind of strong. Not that I gained 10 kgs in 2 months (unfortunately) but I was exercising daily. I was getting my body ready for the supposed heavenly month of August that was awaiting me (us). Unfortunately there was no videos of karate at this period (but I made some in september!) but I was feeling great physically. In fact. This May/June/July 2020 period could be considered as “bliss” for me. Of course there was some background problems but ... Mentally I was getting back on my feet, I was deeply in love, physically pretty feeling myself. Plus on the 1st half of July i could go back to the tatamis ... I swear this level of peace and life appreciation have rarely been reached before. Well, this concept of getting stronger differently is almost obsessing me for a simple reason : I'm feeling like I'm getting older. 27 is a weird age for competing in karate. If I look back, I realize I'm older than William when he stopped (it's his birthday tomorrow!!). Also older than Zak, Teddy and so on. I guess I'll never be physically like 10 or 5 years ago but I'm really asking myself if I can be better. But as seen as the pains I go through after the trainings … It's going to be complicated. Plus I did my body wrong this year. There was pain in mars, april, august, september, october, november and december. I tried a lot of things to make it go. I tried to smoke it, i tried to sleep it, i tried to drink it also. I tried to fuck it of course but none of these things worked. But can we consider I won if only my cock still works ? Compared to 2018 : yes it is a win. And at least when I'm with someone, that makes less time crying and overthinking shit. Anyway, I also tried to smoke it really hard. And that's an habit I'll have trouble to let go but nvmd. Still, one of my 2021 resolutions is to smoke less. Also, I took a funny resolution that is : « I'm not accepting defeat this year ». And I realized only a few days after taking it how hard it will be. I'm not dumb, when defeat is unavoidable, I'll just take it. But I decided to be a real Scorpio and be more stubborn than ever. We can say it's above all pride. Same pride as Vegeta, Bakugo or even Endeavour. Really touched me when Bakugo talked about « Absolute victory ». Sometimes I find myself too soft. I'm not going to become an awful person (or at least, not more awful than I am right now). I'll still be kind … But I'll go get the victories I deserve a little harder. Talking about my age, I'm a bit deceived I have no close old friends to share the memories. Every one is kinda gone. Sometimes it's my fault, and sometimes it's just people who are shit but life's like this. Also, every year I try to think of my best encounter of the year. It's kinda hard because sometimes, you meet someone a few years earlier but you really get to know each other later etc … So I'm not clear if this should count only people met this year or simply the people I've spent the best times with. Because I received a curious message this summer and my God. What a luck she took the chance to write me. We realized a few days ago we were in the same class in 10th grade (2nde) (we saw the class picture, what a laughter we had). We get along so well. And it's the proof that 2nd chances deserve to be given. I swear that I also lost some important people this year. But I'm not fighting to get people back anymore. I've done it too much and I'm simply done. People need to realize it's a luck to be in my life. I have my ways but you'll hardly find a friend that's patient and kind as I am. But nevermind, it always makes more time and attention for the people who are here, who really care for my hapiness. Focusing on the people who are here was one of the main concern this year, for a lot of reasons. I thought I was good for selecting the good people in my life but looks like I still can improve. So I'm still letting people go off my life. [3:36PM. Guess I said mostly what I had to say. Maybe 5 pages is enough, but maybe not.] Oh I can still tell the rest of the year. November have been one peaceful month. Away from all the obsessions. Focused on me. No karate but still courses by videoconference. The weather was very sweet even tho it was November. This second lockdown was not that funny but we've seen worst. And December … had it's ups and downs. It was cool to meet my kids 1 month after all these video courses. They clearly got stronger, it was cool. I could also talk about my experience as a sensei this year because there's a lot to say. At the beginning of February, it was my last competition but also for my kids. We litteraly took the competition by storm. On était TROP CHAUDS. But then the Covid stopped us. We kinda were ready for Occitanie championship, if you forget that I was sick the week before the competition. I'd have loved so much to see how far their training would have taken them on this competition. But thank God they cancelled it, guess He didn't want to see me lose ahah. So, I've seen a lot of kids getting better. What a pleasure. Later on this year I told them that I wanted to see them become stronger than me. Seems cliché, but I'm happy they took it seriously. Of course I'm dead serious. We also talked about I will be waiting for them in Senior. Hope they'll continue until then. And above all I hope I will still be competing. I really want to have a positive impact on these kids, competitors or not. And I guess it's working. (Btw I'll surely do a post about Whitebeard soon, just to show him love). So. What lessons can we draw from this chaotic year ? Always treat your high school comrades well. Be picky about who you let in your life. Before engaging in a relationship, ask why her previous relationship ended. Trust no B. (And BBW's are heaven sent). Now it's 3:50PM and I guess I'm done. But I keep myself the possibility to add things if I think of things to add. It's 6 pages long (Arial, 12) but if I can make it longer I will.

[Friday. 00:55AM] Edit : Ok. The story is funny. I really wanted to finish that in one day. So I wrote the previous lines between 10 AM and 4 PM Wednesday knowing I would need more time, just to check and to add a few more details. And one of those Lonely Wednesday Night would have been perfect just to finish the job. So I planned to finish it on wednesday night but the fact is I forgot my computer home …. So here I am one day later. Still baked, so still in the right state of mind to do it. It gave me time to proofread myself (?) and most importantly, it gave me time to read again some of my previous sum ups. It was interesting to compare how they're all different, and also how my writting evolved. Tbh I think I'm becoming more comfortable with my English. Or maybe the more I express myself, the more I look at ease with the langage. This sum up is the longest I've ever written. But still, I'll add things because I still haven't told everything. For example, I haven't spoken about the fact that all the Kazamastar adventure might be closer to the end than the beginning. Like, I'm not immediatly done with all that. I'm still having a lot of fun here. Anon visitors are also part of the game, but it's still all fun. It also keeps my « photograph eye » opened. This makes me think of the quote «I want to be so awfully happy that I never need to write poetry again. » [#] and more precisely I'm thinking about : do I post more when I'm happy or sad ? But I noticed this tumblr kinda works like therapy for me. (And especially, this post is a therapy by itself. Wednesday I woke up feeling bad, lower belly aching and making this post really helped me going through the day.) I post a lot when I'm sad but it really allows me to get all of these negative feelings out of me. I do stylize things but I know I'm not a poet or anything. But can you imagine being so happy that you don't write again ? Would be an amazing feeling. (Indeed, I've already done it once [#]. I've ended a blog on a perfect happiness and yes it felt amazing. ) Imagine if I do it here. After all the trials and tribulations I went through, it would be a perfect way to finish this tumblr. But as I'm speaking, I think there's like … less than 5% chance that it ends happily. If it does, it could be in a long time. I have a few ideas of when and how it could end, but Imma have to keep these selfishly for myself. You'll see when we'll get there.:) Also, I'm realizing right now the things I'm adding to the text make the timestamps through the text a bit less accurate but that's just a detail. [2:37 AM] Earlier I talked about this blog being a therapy for me. But it’s not only this tumblr. This year I proudly finished another tumblr (yes you can guess I was proud as I posted about that 17325 times already and pinned a post). This was such a relief to end it after letting it still for litteraly 2 years. Well that’s it for tonight !

No transition : let's go for the explanations of my choices for the playlist followed by the playlist itself. It's kinda easy to understand why « la mienne » is here, for the first month. This “I can’t touch you I’m not allowed to” really made me think of someone and this someone came back. Incredible. The next song with a Boogie is perfect for February. Very peaceful month, really full of very good moments (in the backseat of a certain car for example). The 2 next songs are for March. These are kinda « lockdown anthems » as The Weeknd album came out right at that time and so did Laylow's. Plus « Escape from LA » have the vibe I really love from Abel. 2 next songs are for April. Dsvn really smashed when he put that « A muse in her feelings » album. (and the « Amusing her feelings » is even better but that won't happen before January 2021). The sequence between « Outlandish – Keep it going - flawless » was one of the best thing I heard musically this year. But keep it going is insane. « Meilleurs » from Oboy is … special. And so are the 2 following songs. Meilleurs is now blacklisted but it's still one good song. But I can't listen to it anymore. Maybe that's exactly because it reminds me June and July. Count me in reminds me precisely of August 8th. Btw what a funny day, very far from all expectations we built up through the years (let's remind that the countdown started with more that 400 days, but I guess patience and loyalty is not always rewarded). I might digress from the playlist one second, but on this day we were in Treilles with the guys, and thank God I had them in this moment ... That’s when I drank to heal, with “count on me” for soundtrack. For September, I hesitated between « DEUX TOILES DE MER » or « MEVTR » (which means « Meilleur d'Entre Vous Tous Reunis », the 1st stage name of Damso). Damso’s flow on MEVTR is huge. He makes a whole verse rhyme and on but … 2 toiles is more iconic. Talking about iconic, « Bande organisée » wasn't a masterpiece but a force to be reckoned with (i find this expression funny ahah). I mean, in hip hop nowadays we don't see often rappers teaming up with big groups like that. Plus on this song particularly some of them have interesing flows and a lot of energy. And you can tell it comes from the South. Not of them are goods, some are excellent but this makes a very decent track. « Route 66 » was cool, even tough it's for November (so 2nd lockdown) it gave me really lovely vibes. And I take this occasion talking about November 2020 to remind it was the 10th anniversary of Kanye West's MBDTF and I celebrated it the right way héhé. Finally, this featuring is really ending the year well. Dinos dropped an insane album, his best since a long time and Tayc also (respectively « Stamina, » and « Fleur froide »). So having them on the same track was risky but it paid very well, incredible vibe from those two combined. They could have been in the top 3 albums but some people made better than them. Trinity is my top 1 one 2020. The concept, the musics … it was INSANE. QALF was also great. It's insane to see Damso get rid of « artistic barriers » to focus only on sound and music. No communication etc … Just music. And Eternal Atake from Lil Uzi Vert because it was long awaited but also because it was perfect, also a 1st lockdown album so it helped me forget my loneliness but so much good tracks ! And finally we have the very special songs that I coudn't tell why I like them. I just love their vibes. So now is 4:15 PM and I'm offically finished but I still have to tweak it. Know I won't hesitate to add things that are related to 2020 and that come to my mind :) Thanks for reading me. Have a lovely day, or night.

2020 Playlist

Tayc – La mienne (Accoustic)

A Boogie – Reply feat Lil Uzi Vert

The Weeknd – Escape for LA

Laylow – Nakré

dvsn – Keep it goin ✨

PartyNextDoor – Believe it feat Rihanna

Trippie Redd & Russ – The Way

OBOY - Meilleurs

Kehlani - Serial Lover

Juice WRLD & Marshmello - Come and go

THEY. - Count me in

Damso - Deux toiles de mer

13 Organisé - Bande organisée

Joe Dwet File - Route 66

Dinos & Tayc - Je wanda

Spécial : Lil Tecca - Last Call  YNW Melly  - City girls

Jessame - Times we had ~ Dennis Lloyd - Never go back ~  Elliot Trent - computer love

3 top albums de 2020 : 

Trinity de Laylow - Qalf de Damso - Eternal atake de Lil Uzi vert

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[xxxxthestudiopoetxxxx]

locked-down to Keep Safe

(My recollection of the 2019/2020 COVID 19 Pandemic )

With the uk on lock down

with freedom taken away,

With this virus everywhere, people and families staying indoors

To keep their friends and families safe.

People with different illnesses, having to stay indoors

Only going out as and when, either tho chemists or food stores.

Everyone is making sure, they have enough food supplies

Making sure they have enough to eat,

For the amount of time we are locked inside.

With the police enforcing new laws

As the nations lockdown begins,

New laws being enforced to stay indoors

In order for the nation to survive.

At this very difficult time, as a time of uncertainty

With this lockdown being in place, With people acting differently.

Being told to wash your hands

Although it may make them sore,

Is really the other thing to do so this virus spreads no more.

Making sure people follow the rules

So this virus spreads no more,

With this quarantine being enforced

Trying to keep people staying indoors, keeping the nation safe.

Not knowing what’s going to happen from one day to the next

Making sure the nation’s staying safe,

Especially the nation’s mental health state.

With the current state of affairs with the NHS trying to care

With limited supplies of stuff they need, in order to save lives indeed.

This country locked down to keep safe

Stopping this evil viruses spread, the country trying to keep calm,

To stop the feeling of fear and dread.

With everything in disarray

The nation not knowing, who or what to blame,

washing their hands making them sore

Not being able to visit family which really hurts to the core.

People going shopping buying more than they really need

making it harder for those that are vulnerable,

This country needs to take heed.

With shops running out of essential things that we need

With a crisis like what is happening,

Starts to show a lot of people’s greed.

Wondering how long this isolation will end

Not knowing when the nation can go out again,

being able to go and see family and friends.

With crisis talks with leaders all over the world

Banning social gatherings to no more than two at a time,

The NHS trying to save more lives,

Being able to socially distance is hard at any time.

Keeping in touch with family and friends with phone calls everyday

making sure everyone is safe,

Making sure they’re healthy each and everyday.

Worrying about people’s mental health

After these restrictions come into force,

Hoping to keep the nation safe, by trying to stay indoors.

Knowing the isolation will be for 3 week plus or more

Trying to find stuff and things to do,

With possible new mental health issues in store.

With law enforcement on the streets

To stop people going out,

With the government forcing the nation to stay inside

Not knowing when our freedom begins again,

Or when the isolation and fear will end.

When the nations fear and panic grows

Not knowing when they can go out,

With fear and panic growing all over the world

The nation’s panic being caught in crowds.

With police cars patrolling in their cars

And walking around the streets,

The world too scared to go outside

Knowing if they go out, they could risk their lives.

With no-one safe from the virus

No matter who and where you are,

Banning social gatherings in the UK or afar.

The nation told to self-isolate

Even if thats the thing they don’t want to do,

Not being able to hold your loved. ones close

In doing so would endanger your friends and family to.

At this time there’s no vaccine

It really hard to understand,

Not being able to see loved ones to hug, Or hold one another’s hand.

Being told to put gloves and masks on

In order to go outside,

To only being permitted to exercise to only an hour a day

But at any time.

Being bored not knowing what to do

When your stuck indoors,

Police patrolling and going round

Asking the nation, Why are you outdoors. ?

People queuing to get into stores

To get the supplies they need,

People buying more than they actually need, because or their selfish greed.

With social distancing in effect of 2 metres or more

Knowing you can’t socialise, makes you feel empty and raw.

Hoping that the emptiness will eventually go away

As being socially distant, Isn’t the way the world wants to stay.

Leaders from all over the world, Not knowing what to do,

As they research this viruses evil spread

Hoping something will give them a clue.

Not knowing when they’re gonna have a vaccine

Not knowing when this virus will end,

Not knowing when we’ll get our freedom back

Or when our isolation will end.

Looking out of the window seeing nothing move

Only seeing wildlife or people’s cats running around.

Listening to the news on T.V. wondering what the world is going to do

not knowing when this virus will end,

And when we will gain our freedom back to.

From rich to homeless no-one in this world is safe

This virus attacking everybody,

Especially those in an vulnerable state

With different countries on lock-down to stop the evil spread

Although some who get it will survive,

Those with low-immunity will struggle to stay alive.

Laying in a hospital bed hoping this virus will pass

Not being allowed visitors feeling of loneliness, starts building inside.

Doctors and nurses separated from their loved ones

Making the ultimate sacrifice, to save every-bodies lives.

Having the correct PPE with not enough to go around

Staying away from families, In order to protect them now.

Being separated from family is the hardest thing to do

Try to keep in touch by phone, is all people around the world can do.

Watching daily updates of this viruses evil spread

Seeing it on social media or the newspapers instead.

Family not being able to say goodbye

Because of the viruses evil hold,

With no-one of their loved ones to ever hold.

Going through this isolation with no loved ones near

Family being far away, not knowing when you will hold them dear.

Being told it could go on longer isn’t what the nation wants to hear

Being kept in isolation, with mental health kicking up a gear.

Hoping someday this will end

With no isolation, going out to see friends,

Going to see family after all this time

Seeing people walking around is a real sight for sore eyes.

People being locked in starting to lose their cool

Putting pressure on relationships

You’ll get to see who your true friends are.

With pressure being put on family and friends at this very trying time

seeing no end in sight as a whole,

The government seem to be taking their time.

As the days merge into weeks the nation hoping the end is here

The government putting more restrictions in place,

As there seems no vaccine near.

With the nation losing patience being locked in all this time

Being told by the government, that going out could be considered a crime.

The nation being really scared of something they don’t fully understand

Not knowing when we’ll get our freedom back, for normality to come back again.

Looking forward for the day

When the government say “we can go out and about, “

The nation will be celebrating by always going and staying out.

With the NHS being under strain

By not having the equipment to protect,

With other people on the front line, how easy a nation forgets.

With all the different services that are available around

We as a nation seem to forget,

Its the emergency services mental health at risk as well.

With the emergency services all around the world

Who talks to them about their mental health,

As they can see the pain and suffering bought on by this viruses hell.

With our Prime minister and Prince Charles contracting this virus to

Doesn’t matter if your rich or poor,

It feels like the world is living it own hell.

With China as the country of origin, that started this evil virus spread

Knowing that they are now in the clear, gives the rest of the world hope as well.

Knowing that there are 3 strains of this virus to

Makes it harder for the world to cure,

Without something or someone giving the world a clue.

Families being forced apart due to this evil viruses hold

knowing that it hard to see them, is something no-one likes being told.

With the nation not listening to the rules

That the government has put in place,

It’s no wonder this quarantine is going on for a longer space.

People at any age catching this evil virus strains

with immune systems not being strong enough,

To stop this evil viruses pain.

From babies to the elderly nothing stopping this evil viruses spread

With weakened immune systems of current illnesses they hold instead.

Knowing we have not had this evil viruses peak

Staying indoors to help the NHS, and to save everybody’s lives.

Knowing this could go on longer because of people’s selfish greed

Those who are not staying in, because they’re being selfish going out indeed.

People and their families going out for shopping or walks

Either to go and shop for what they need,

Or to get some fresh air outdoors.

[savethesemester]

[21/05/2020]

Last week we went to kot to get the remainder of my books and some other stuff like my whiteboard. All reports are done so I can now study and catch up on classes. I have been making a to do list every evening for the next day on my whitebard, and have been able to do it all the last days, so I'm in a really good rhythm. I hope I can keep this up for the next 5 weeks!

Also getting slightly mad here at home but I don't wanna risk things by going to kot. I will spend the whole summer at my mum's tho, got enough of my dad for a couple of months haha. 5 more weeks. If the virus keeps dying out.

[hobidreams]

RAINY!!! HI!!! how are you? how are your classes? it's been so long i feel like!! first of all i am so sorry i missed your birthday but it's better late than never so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! i just want to wish you all the happiness and health and the rest will come, you deserve it all!! second of all MLT!!!!!!! WHAT!!! it is SO SO good. rain, you blow my mind away literally with every single chapter. it's so emotional and raw, i feel like im in the story with them you know? (1/?) - psy

PSY MY LOVE I MISSED U! long ask so under a cut 🥰

DON’T APOLOGIZE thank u for the bday wishes 😘😘😘 i appreciate it always.

+ i can feel yoongi's pain, oc's conflict, her not being able to stay away from him even though it's what's best for her. yoongi's duality keeps giving me whiplash especially after the last chapter. i always knew nothing could make his feelings for her go away not even the disappointment that he felt after his mothers death ☹️ im a real softie so i firmly believe that he will return back to normal and oc will help him with this and they'll live happily ever after 🥺 but of course if it was 2020 i would tell her to tell him to go fuck himself but oh well LOL. 

wahhhh FIRSTLY im so glad ur reading MLT 💓 heh im delighted to hear that you’re pulled in by Yoongi’s characterization bc that man is DEADLY. it’s not my fault; it’s daechwitas!! 🤣 heheh we’ll have to see if your theory is right, but i wonder what ‘normal’ could be for them now...... 🤔

+ third of all, "right here right now"!!!!!!!!!!!! i really don't have the ability to properly express how quickly you managed to kill me with that one. rapline, pwp, werewolves AND bulges???? i knew right from the start that i was in for a ride and what a ride it was holy shit. i think its my new go to pwp whenever im in a mood after i see a dangerous gifset of rapline 😫😫

DASFKDASF RIGHT? when i had the thought i was like . fuck. i gotta write this. it really wasn’t supposed to be that long but here we are FAKLJASF. it was freeing to be writing pwp tho, after thinking about plot for so long hahah. 

+ i'm doing good, i moved countries but i'm having trouble with finding a job bc of the virus😕so unfortunately i can only hop on here and write to you once in a while but just know that mentally i'm always here with you!!! i wish you all the success with your classes and all the strength you need to keep going with the MLT cause i've seen that you're planning ~35 parts, and that's freaking crazy but i believe in you!!!!! i know you can do this!! stay safe and healthy, love you 💘 - psy anon (4/4)

ahhhhh 😭😭 that’s right, you were moving! you’re so brave & i’m proud of you for making such a shift. i know you’re gonna find the perfect job for you eventually, babe! thank u for all the encouragement & i wanna give it right back to ya!!!! i hope life treats you well. stay safe & ily!! 🥰🥰