#2019 was such a bad mental health year for me

[taylorsabrina]

something.... something about short n' sweet being released on loverversery is really putting me in an emotional state rn.

[istherewifiinhell]

what does pre-winter 2019 me have that now me doesnt: jesus christ so many fucking things its not even funny.

what do i have that they dont? new friends. so much more convoluted media knowledge. fledging ability at drawing character lewds. 👍🏻

[succubi-tch]

Thinking about the last roommate I had and how I wasn't allowed to use any sort of cleaning chemical in our dorm because she had some fuckass pet bird that if it inhaled a micron of Human Created Product it would fucking die

And evidently our counters were always dirty (and/or she was a fucking slob, cause her fat ass was) because a few times after I'd put ice in my tumbler for the day. The water would start to fucking taste like onions?? And I thought I was tripping for the first few days

Until I saw her nasty ass cutting up scallions, leaving them on the counter, and realizing one must've gotten stuck to the bottom of my fucking ice tray that I then stacked on top of another ice tray to save space in the freezer for her. 💀

I fished a scallion chunk out of my water tumbler that day. She thought it was hilarious and lost it and I also kind of laughed just so it wouldn't drive me insane, but hindsight? I should have just killed her to avoid literally everything (instigated by her) that precipitated the onion water incident.

[kkujo]

also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling

[mchiti]

my friends i usually don't make post like this because I choose peace usually n I don't like to indirect ppl but like. I guess i've reblogged a total of 3 old posts in recent times from aj*x gud days and I only went to check on one of those acc out of curiosity and I saw them posting about finding this amusing/weird. as in "what's up with the nostalgia from fans of these players, it's been years, u weren't even watching aj*x" (i guess this was about the ziy-ech ona-na post from yesterday lol) and on one side it was funny bc i watched *counting* 5+ years worth of eredivisi-e I should get a medal for that alone. My usb drive full of old memories I occasionally go through to feel happy. u want to know something about aja*x those days I have everything at ur disposal. 16 april 2019 in ams, I was there. I mean just to say we can't really assume what people liked or didn't like before just to shame strangers having fun u know

[queerstudiesnatural]

oof bad bad day

[kaile-hultner]

Help me dig upward: the Tumblr post

In which I talk a little bit about the hole I’ve been in for a hot minute—and what I want to do to dig out of it.

Hey y’all,

For the second time in a few years I’m starting a GoFundMe. This time, though, it’s not for the site, at least not explicitly. It is to help me get out from under the weight of debt that I’ve been carrying for more than a decade at this point, but which has finally gotten so bad that it’s affecting everything from my sleep patterns to my overall mental health and ability to do the thing that you likely already support me for: this website. 

If you’ve been wondering why the posting has decreased here, or reduced in quality, or why we started 2024 off publishing other writers and then just as suddenly stopped doing that again, this is why: I am out of money, I am in debt, and it feels like I’m living every day in pure, basic survival mode. 

This GFM, in which I’m asking for $10,000, is a moonshot, a Hail Mary. I don’t expect it to raise anything; it will be the last time I ask the Internet for money, whether it works or it doesn’t. If it works, obviously it’ll mean I’ll be able to post more and maybe my mental health will improve and I won’t feel like every moment is a countdown to a terrible ending, and I’ll be able to think of compelling angles to talk about video games again. If it doesn’t work, maybe I’ll figure something else out. Bankruptcy, probably. I don’t know. 

I hate doing this. I hate being in this position. I hate that I’ve already asked for money this year and people have been extremely generous and it just feels like all that generosity just went into a hole. I wish I had something to show for that generosity, or proactively for anything I gain from this campaign. So, if there is something you want me to cover or talk about or look at in exchange for your support on this campaign, just shoot me an email with proof of your donation, no matter how small. It’s kaile@noescapevg.com. I can’t promise I’ll write a bunch of magnum opuses at your request but I will do what I can just simply to show appreciation for your support. 

Anyway, this feels bad to me and I’m already starting to regret it, so I’m going to wrap this up by saying thank you in advance and I owe you my life. I wish that was figurative.

Edit: here is the text of the GFM I posted. 

Hi y’all,

My name is Kaile Hultner. I am an online cultural critic who has been running the video game criticism website No Escape since 2019. My work has been featured in other places like PC Gamer, Polygon and Bullet Points Monthly. And like a lot of people, I have been deeply in debt for years. 

Debt is a very strange phenomenon. As anthropologist David Graeber demonstrated in his book Debt: The First 5000 Years, it is a phenomenon that imparts a kind of moral valence on a person; whether or not that person can pay their debts is a sign of their trustworthiness or virtue as a member of polite society. Yet you can’t go without debt: at some point, at least in the United States, you have to pick up a form of debt – credit – to establish your credit score, without which you can’t rent an apartment, buy or lease a car, or, in some cases, even get a job. Being debt-free can harm this score, as can having a credit history that is “too young.” 

I’ve been in debt for a long time. I’ve been managing my debt for over a decade. Every year for the last six or seven years in particular it feels like I’m losing progressively more and more ground. Seven years ago I had a car; I could do things like deliver Uber Eats and DoorDash and make extra money whenever I ran out. It broke down in my driveway in 2022 and I couldn’t afford to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed. I sold it for $200. I haven’t been able to replace it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever need a car for anything. Luckily my day job is WFH. 

Recently, I’ve been fighting with my old bank over charges it erroneously applied to my account in excess of $1000, causing it to go deep into the negatives. I’ve been slowly, slowly digging myself out of that hole thanks to some close friends and some very kind folks who follow me on the Internet. But it’s caused other debts to exacerbate. And tonight I realized that I am at the end of my rope. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t sit here and say that I’ve done everything right; certainly, more than one bad decision made out of desperation has put me here. I won’t make excuses for that. But I’m tired of being here, in this position. I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night with heart palpitations because I got an alert from my bank that I’m in the negatives. I’m tired of getting emails and phone calls from debt collectors. I’m tired of living in basic survival mode with no discernible path forward. I’m tired of being tired, of not having the energy to be creative and do the work I’ve built an online presence around for five years. And paradoxically, I’m tired of asking people on the internet for money. 

So I’m going to ask people on the internet for money, one final time. 

I’ve set the goal at $10,000. This is far more than I’m honestly expecting to get, but if I get even a fraction of that I could finally obliterate my debts in a meaningful way. I do have specific milestones that I basically need to meet, otherwise this GFM doesn’t hit its maximum effectiveness, but otherwise the sky is the limit. If I reach the whole amount… I don’t really know what I’ll do. Cry, maybe. 

Milestones – bolded are high-priority

Milestone reached! $750 – gets my old bank account out of the negatives. Eliminates one vector of harassment, allows me to close that account and move on. 

Milestone Reached! $1800 – does the above and allows me to fully pay any late or past-due loan payments missed as a result of the bank issue.

Milestone Reached! $6000 – does the above and allows me to fully pay off all installment loans 

$8000 – does the above and allows me to pay off any remaining debts. 

$10,000 – does the above and allows me to start saving. 

$10,000+ – basically a moonshot, I have no idea what I’ll do with extra. 

I fully do not expect you to donate to this. There are people trying to escape genocides, much more abject poverty, crushing medical debt, and so much more that feel – at least to me – so much more worthy of your attention and money. But just know that if you dodonate something, you have my undying appreciation. I will quite literally owe you my life. 

I’m going to post this now before I get too emotional or lose my nerve entirely, but again: thank you. Even if all you do is read this. 

—Kaile

[purplepickles]

“Under The Covers”

Pairings: Central cee x black fem reader

Genre: fluff

Authors Note: it’s my first time writing on tumblr so bare with me I also haven’t haven’t written anything in like years I used to a Wattpad author in like 2017-2019😭 so imagine what I used to be writing. It’s not my best peice of work but it’s progress kinda messy icl in terms of storyline but it’s something anyways I hope everyone enjoys it 💗

You had just signed a contract with vogue for a new segment they were trying out for they’re YouTube channel called “Under the Covers”. It was in a podcast style in a bedroom setting hence the name and basically talking about the latest fashion trends tips or anything black girl related.

You were so grateful for this opportunity never in your life would you have imagine a little black girl from London was able to sign a massive deal with vogue. The topic of todays video was maintenance. How you maintain standards for yourself if that means relationship, mental or physical health. So instead of it being in their studio you wanted your video being a bit more homely so why not in your home. The producers had set everything up in your room making sure everything was ready for filming but this video was going to have a little extra twist. You were going to have your very first guest and they how they managed to maintain their life and overall humbleness with the fame he had gained over the years.

You kept your relationship on the down low on the respect of each other careers and not wanting to surround your relationship over it. You were actually calm with that but he wasn’t liking seeing people he fucked with in your dms with heart eyes.

Little did Yn know he was going to announce it in their video together.

“Okay I’m going to count down from 5 and we’ll start filming” said the producer

5

4

3

2

1

“Hi Vogue it’s me Yn/ln and welcome to our new segment called Under the covers where uncover beauty secrets fashion and every black girl related. But today’s video things are little different we’re in my actual bedroom and I have a special guest with us he’s one of my favourites rappers right now a current world wide sensation Central Cee”

“I didn’t know I was your favourite artist”

“Yes you did you’re also my most listened to artist on Spotify we’ve defo talked about this”

“Mhmmm”

You rolled your eyes and continued with the video

“Anyways let’s get straight into todays topic: maintenance. How to do maintain eye yourself to keep your life somewhat stable”

“I guess keeping my mum,my brothers, my fans and my girl happy innit. If they’re happy I’m happy” said central cee never straying away from eye contact from the love of his life

“And what you say is the hardest one to keep happy and why” Yn was very curious about this who knew where this could go

“My girl defo she’s says I’m annoying I think she hates me”

The way your head slowly snapped

“Did you not say at Amelia Dinner Date you like girls you hate you”

“Yh I did I turns me on but she’s just something Yk I’m just infatuated by her but maybe I’m a bit delusional when it comes to her yk idk if that’s a good thing or bad thing. Kinda new to this love thing and not messing up yk I don’t wanna get it wrong again I really like her”

That was probably the most beautiful thing he’s said in a while she didn’t know he felt like this she sometimes she can be a bit rude and her sarcasm can be taken the wrong way but she thought he knew between the lines that she didn’t hate him she lived more than anything.

“I think you should talk to her about your feeling more Yk. Don’t be shy on opening up more Yk. When you feel ready ask her what she thinks it’s possibly lacking” she smiled at him with reassurance hoping that he could through her eyes that’s it okay and she was listening

“Yh your right imma tell her right now!”

Yn chocked on her drink. He could not be serious. She should’ve known this boy was up to something

“As in right now!? I’m sure she’s busy” you said trying to get to him to change his mind

“Nah she’s not im calling her rn”

For someone who didn’t like interviews this but sure had a lot to say

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Your phone was on the other side of the room Ringing none stop.

Everyone was looking at you. You knew the producers were loving this but you were not this was too much.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

“Yn are you gonna pick up you phone”

you usually loved his smile but this was just devious.

“Do I have to” you were just dreading this

Everyone shouted yes. You rolled out bed and a grabbed the phone

“Hi baby”

“Hi cench, now can we get back to the video please”

“Yes Cench we can. You wanna cuddle too?”

//

The video was going well there was laughter within the whole room. You asked him the question that you were assigned to ask him everything was going great. You loved being under your lovers arms. Maybe letting people in wasn’t so bad.

“Thank you vogue for this absolutely-

A knock on the door you both looked at door and someone opened to little boy running in crying and jumping to Oakley’s arm. How many surprises could one video take you said to yourself in your head.

“What’s up little man” Oakley now went into full father mode his whole rapper persona was switched and all he cared about was understanding why his little boy was upset

“Had a bad dream” said the little one

“How about we say goodbye to vogue and make some hot chocolate” you said while trying to tickle him

“Right I think me and vogue has had enough surprises don’t forget to like subscribe and hit that notification and stay tuned for next weeks video about Motherhood and Careers with a icon mother and billionaire. Bye guys”

[19871997]

do you have/know of any kind of natejo primer post? i am starting to be very very intrigued by them…

there is this very delightful primer that covers natejo during their halifax mooseheads era (juniors, age 16-18 [2011-13]) and their team north america era (made up team for the 2016 world cup of hockey) i would so so super recommend clicking on every link there, and as for the 2023-24 season:

nate reached out to jo about playing with him in colorado during the summer because he knew his contract with montreal was coming to an end and jo signed for league mininum to play with him

jo talking about nate in his 'get to know me' interview

jo knows where nate is knows what he likes can almost feel him on the ice. normal things to say about your center.

they walk their dogs together!

bench yappers. ignore that nate probably doesnt have a great deal of concepts about personal space.

both nate and jo achieved career highs in points playing on the same line. nate by 29 freaking points. jo also had a career high in time on ice per game !

nate has the most assists on jo's goals, and jo loves to pass to nate.

one of jo's very best games as an av where he scored the OT winner and partially helped nate extend his second to gretzky home point streak. not inherently natejo but the nhl put the full game up on youtube and its a fun background watch because the announcers r so very nice about jo yayayyyyy. okay hold on it definately used to be up on youtube as a 'fan favourite' voted in game and now its either unlisted, restricted, or entirely gone. fascinating. what a wonderful league. anway.

here's nate saying that jo is his favourite teammate ever. since 2010 nate has played with at least 280 people. he said this during his hart (league mvp as voted by the writers' association) and ted lindsay (league mvp as voted by the players' association) award interview. also couldnt find it for the life of me but im certain there's an interview where jo says he wants to play with nate for ten more years. EDIT: here is the article, found by the lovely @mi-kko-ran-tanen it is also a bit of a natejo primer very very good would encourage a read

24-25 season:

jo resigned for another year ! turned down money again for 'loyalty and happiness'

they actually might have seperation anxiety

jo is going to be point per game this season i believe it with my whole heart.

r-ing into the rpf:

nate's start in the league was . well. the avs were very very bad for quite sometime, bottomed out nearly historically after the 2016-17 season (season directly after team north america and the world cup of hockey) and i think this is around the time nate locked in so to speak. this spittin chiclets interview from 2019 is pretty good (dont let the spittin chiclets part put u off 🙏), he talks about worrying about being a bust, about his expectations and also just the way he talks back then and what he's achieved in the five years since oh nate u have no idea whats in store for u ☹️

jo's time in the nhl has been tumultuous to say the least.

mid way into the 2022-23 season he held the record for most points without a goal by a forward in a single season. (he ended the season 2-27-29, scoring a goal in his 46th game) teammate and close friend josh anderson was quite sweet about it all

there's a lot of talk about jo being a draft bust, there's also a lot of talk about his development being screwed from the get go (sent back down to juniors for the 2013-14 season despite having won the calder cup the uear prior because if a player is juniors eligable they cant play in the minors or smth like that), he was also injured a lot, the habs under bergevin not being great at player development, and in tampa and montreal there was an expectation on him to be an offensive powerhouse that he just wasnt unfortunately due to injuries and mental health issues. they also tried to develop him at center.

it is absolutely not the best metric to measure 'draft bustness', but sorting the 2013 draft by games played and total points, jo is top 20 for games played and top 15 for total points

an espn redraft from march of 2023 has him still in the first round but much lower

absolutely crushing thank u greg

jo was actually injured so much holy shit bro has never played a full season. the closest he got was 81 games in 18-19

apparently there was some buzz about a drouin-iginla trade in 2015 between tampa and colorado??? what couldve been damn

ALL THIS TO SAY nate believed in him and jo believed in nate and it paid off so freaking hard last season and jo has his love for hockey back and nate had his career best personal season next to him and they are it if u think about it

f-ing into the rpf:

i know you didnt ask but i would be remiss if i didnt share these, they're currently what i would say is quintessential natejo reading

I don't believe in soulmates (but nobody saw me like you) by shade_of_blue (@shade-of-drou) (M, 6k) soulmates au where jo realises dewey has soulbond sickness

those who favor fire by bruinss (@droumack) (M, 14k) absoloutely crushing magical realism fic where jo's heart freezes the more he falls in love. it is actually unfathomable how much nate loves him, and how much nate loves jo

got my finger on her trigger by creamsicle_melt (@creamsiclemelt) (E, 6k) lesbian natejo nate fucks jo within an inch of her life absolutely fantastic peice of literature.

you'd have to stop the world by bladeless_knife (@mi-kko-ran-tanen) (M, 12k) nate is stuck in a timeloop watching jo get hurt no matter what he does. genuinely incredible theyre so so very much natejo here and also very nate and very jo

Gather by plethoriall (@plethoriall) (E, 4k) once again, another fic where theyre so very natejo. like that interview linked in the very first bullet point? those guys ("yeah we're dumb and dumber") def did this. a delightful study in what if our codependant homoerotic teenage friendship turned into a regular healthy adult friendship except every time you touch me i remember how we used to jerk eachother off which (thankfully for everyone inolved) turned into Yay sex and also i love you. instead of turning toxic.

all very very very good writers i would highly highly suggest checking out their other works as well + commenting and kudoing

[strawberryicedcookies]

HOW I MANIFESTED MY SP 🧘🏿‍♀️🎀.

soo i started my manifestation journey back in 2019, but it was only until 2022 that i REALLY started to understand it. that whole year i basically just worked on my mental health and self concept and i felt pretty complete and comfortable, even if i was single. Fast forward to august of 2023, the school year had just began and i wasnt really looking for anyone until i met this boyyy he was so cute guys. he matched my energy and i grew a small small crush on himm 😭😭. i started working super hard on my self concept, i took care of myself, i made sure that I KNEW that i did not need him to make me happy. every night i would listen to a subliminal and do SATS as i fell asleep THATS ALL! I did not obsess over him because quite frankly, i knew my worth. i did not focus on the 3-d (because i didnt care) i knew he was mine, i enjoyed my time with him and all the moments we shared. (i was so delusional i just pretended we were dating and i was satisfied). We kept talking and my self concept just got better and better. I listened to a few subliminals and i did SATS, thats literally ALL I DID. Literally a month or two later he asked me out and we started dating.

unfortunately we are no longer together because my self concept got so bad because after i got with him i stopped working in myself like completely. i guess i became to much and he left me (umm fuck it we ball i guess) i didnt even bother trying to manifest him back bro that shit was so fucking crazyy 😭😭. worst moment of all 2023. GUYS WHILE UR DATING YOUR SP WORK ON YOURSELFFF.

SO A LIL RECAP!!

- SELF CONCEPT IS THE STAR OF THE SHOW!! if you feel like you need him, hate yourself, feel empty, or dont know your worth, baby your just not ready for this and you need to take a step back and work on your mental health. It is not just important for manifesting, your mindset is LITERALLY your whole life dude. Work on your self baby, nobody else is going to do it for you, unfortunately not even your sp.

- SUBLIMINALSS!! bro i started manifesting because of them, i love subs so much they help me manifest and help me stay awake while i do SATS, they are so so helpful i 100% recommend. (my favorite sub maker had to be ‘i want it, i got it’ her subs are GOLD.)

-SATS (State Akin To Sleep) bro sats changed my flipping life dude. Ive never manifested so many things in such a short amount of time until i started using SATS. Please watch youtube manifestation coaches explain SATS because theres no way i can fit it into this post. Thats a post for laterr.

-Consistency/ Ignoring the 3-D. I stayed consistent in dont think there was a night where i forgot to manifest bro, i was in a constant state of manifestation. when i tell you I WAS LIVING IN THE WISH FULL FILLED i literally wass!! I did not give one flying shit about what the 3-D showed me, he was my boyfriend n thats solved 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️.

ANYWAYS GUYS THATS ITTT I WISH YOU GUYS THE MOST JUICY SUCCESS STORIES EVER 😋🎀. Dont make the same mistake i did and keep working on your self concept babes!!

I love you guys! Stay safe and stay soft 💟.

[oscar-wilde-thing]

Four years ago I sat in a psychiatrist's office. I was explaining why a certain Cognitive Behavioral Therapy technique felt impossible.

"If I don't think I know how a social interaction is going to work out, if I don't know the pattern, I can't do it."

The Dr nodded, and we moved on.

A few sessions later, she said she didn't think she could work with me anymore.

Great, I thought to myself. I'm being dumped by my therapist.

"I don't think I can work with you, because I think you're autistic."

I literally felt my world shift underneath me.

She explained more, about social interactions, about hyper sensitivity, about pattern recognition and anxiety and early-life academic achievement. I did end up stopping treatment with her, I don't really remember why. But I held that suggestion in my head.

The end of 2019 was rocky- working retail around the holidays is its own special hell, and my grandmother died in December of that year.

Then 2020 happened. COVID and isolation and protests and my workplace unionizing. Through all of that I was reading, and watching videos, and researching. About how autism and neurodivergency presents differently in girls and AFAB people. How the research is incredibly outdated and mostly focused on white, middle class boys. How getting a diagnosis as an adult, let alone an AFAB adult, is a fight.

I kept trucking along, learning new ways to cope. Figuring out that sometimes what I had thought were anxiety attacks was actually sensory overload. That my penchant for spreadsheets and what I called my "encyclopedic nerd brain" were probably hyper fixations.

It took 4 years.

4 years, 8 more mental health professionals, a mental breakdown, a month in residential mental health care, and 5 more months in acute daily mental health care, but today, at 12:55PM, I was officially diagnosed with Autism.

I'm sitting here at my desk weeping because I'm both so happy and so angry. Happy that there's a reason I feel the way I feel, that there's a reason why the world seems so harsh, that there's a reason why I sometimes physically can't talk and a reason why certain foods and sounds and textures make me want to crawl out of my skin. But I'm also so angry that it took 26 years for anyone to see. That it took another 4 years for me to get any answers. That there are countless other little girls and adult AFABS like me out there who feel like they're doing everything they're supposed to but not getting what the world tells them they should be getting.

My life has changed. Or maybe it hasn't changed. Maybe a door has opened that had never been seen before.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up.

I just know that learning more about myself is rarely a bad thing. And now that I know this big piece of who I am, I'll be able to go forward and learn more ways to exist in this world as an autistic person.

[brinconvenient]

This is a long tale, but I appreciate you taking the time to meet my friend Chris and help her out if you can.

TL;DR: my friend, an elderly queer woman I met when she was homeless just lost everything she owns in a fire at her first permanent home she had after becoming unhoused. Luckily, she and her cat were not home at the time. Please help if you can by donating or boosting.

This is a queer elder who needs our help. I'm hoping tumblr can come through for her

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

Here's the long tale:

A friend of mine just lost everything except herself, her cat and the clothes on her back to a fire at her apartment (her first after being homeless for years) on Friday. We learned yesterday that nothing from her apartment is recoverable. Please help!

(Long post with cute cat pictures behind the readmore)

I met Chris one Sunday afternoon after driving past her three times as she sat on a bench outside our local library after closing. I stopped to ask if she needed a ride, and found out that she was homeless, staying in motels when her SSI came in and on the street when it ran out.

As the years have passed, I've learned a lot about her. Despite her parents kicking her out at 17 when she was outed to them as gay, she went back to school and became a social worker, working in several Chicago hospitals through the 80s and 90s, and, like a lot of queer women in the caring fields at that time, tended to and provided comfort and care for (among others) so many gay men, young and old, living with and dying from AIDS, from the earliest days of the disease through the availability of the triple cocktail and to the brighter days of hope.

Through it all, she had relationships with women in a time where that was something that wasn't always safe to do. Some were good, some bad, and some resulting in her losing nearly everything, but she struggled through. She quit social work in 99 or 2000 when her mom got sick and passed away, and then stayed out of the workforce to care for her dad until he passed in 2006. Those experiences impacted her deeply, and she became permanently disabled during that period, leaving her living on SSI, and struggling with her own mental health. She eventually lost her condo, and bounced in and out of apartments and motels.

When I met her in Sept 2019, I helped her get back into the motel she'd been staying at and bridging her to her next check and then making sure that she could stay there, and reliably get her maintenance meds and start rebuilding her life and credit.

This is her and everything she owned as we left her hotel room for the final time on Valentine's Day 2022.

The cat there is Bailey, her constant companion since they adopted each other in September 2021. They've both been through a lot and are absolutely the picture of "Who rescued whom?"

We started having biweekly dinners and I worked with her creditors and tried to get her credit score back into a good place, and helped her get banked and fixed up with access to the Internet and just help her feel more solid and stable in her life.

Just over 2 years later, in February 2022, we were finally able to get her into a senior independent living apartment, her first permanent home since about 2017. She had no furniture, but with some secondhand pickups and occasional pickups, we got her something resembling a home.

It wasn't perfect, and she had her grumbles, certainly, but it was her home. It was a place that she could launch from to recover and consider moving some place even better, if she chose.

However, Friday, July 14, Bailey had an afternoon vet appointment. Everything was fine when we left, but when we got home, with Bailey in a carrier in the backseat, we were shocked to see what looked like a million emergency vehicles & a whole lot of seniors sitting on the grass.

Chris and Bailey came with me to take my daughter into the city that evening, giving the situation 2 hours to develop and for us to get more information. We heard a few newsradio updates and saw this story on abc7, getting the sinking feeling that that balcony looked too familiar.

When we got back from the city, we were able to drive around the back of the building and confirm that this was her apartment.

We were able to get back to the building on Tuesday and get into the apartment to get her medications, but everything is water damaged from the sprinkler system (with all of its stagnant water) and the firehoses. All her furniture. All her clothes. Her bed. Her degrees. Gone.

Everything she owned is gone. She literally owns less now than when she was homeless. She's despairing and trying her best to keep it together, but she's lost so many homes in her life, going back to when she was 17 and her parents found out she is gay and kicked her out.

This all feels like too much. Please help. Please donate what you can, and share where you're able.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

[pebsterino]

Im a fan of Da since 2019, I've cherished all 3 games, my favorite one is DA2. I will not be persuaded by anyone that DA4 is a good DA game.

They have damned everything I loved about Dragon Age for... this???

This is no longer the dark fantasy I fell in love with; it's a game that feels more like a Disney movie, complete with writing intended for children. The way they treat YOU as a player suggests that you aren't capable of solving the easiest riddle in this world. The direction of the writing is baffling. The constant explanations for everything make my blood boil because I'm not a child, and I can think for myself. They claim this is an RPG, yet it lacks any meaningful RPG elements. You have no choice whatsoever; your character is scripted the way the developers wanted them to be. (By the way, I had no idea that no matter which option you choose, your character will always try to be funny in an unfunny way.)

As for the gameplay, I've never cared for the gameplay in any Dragon Age games, so I won’t dwell on it, but I’ll share my opinion nonetheless. I think it’s still an improvement from Inquisition, but that’s not hard to achieve. The game was designed to be played online, which is another insane thing to consider. Is a Dragon Age game supposed to be online??? It’s so ridiculous, and I have no idea how BioWare thought it would work when nobody showed any interest in the multiplayer mode in Inquisition.

The lack of choice and the absence of consequences for your actions are glaring issues. Not a single companion cares if you try to be "rude" to them because you simply can’t be. The fact that you cannot make any of your companions leave your party is ridiculous. You are forced to harden one of your companions (which happens in almost every title), and the only consequences of them being hardened are that they will refuse to heal you and their approval rating is slightly lowered. You can literally romance both of them as if nothing happened.

I'm tired of my companions constantly reminding me that they have issues and need to work through their trauma with my character. As someone who goes to therapy every week, I find this portrayal insulting and ridiculous. Therapy is neither fun nor pleasant. It isn’t something you resolve by completing two quests and reassuring a character that “it’s fine, we have each other, and I care about you; your feelings are valid.” It’s the most absurd echo chamber I’ve ever been in. The fact that none of my companions can stop making everything about themselves and get their shit together while a blight is swallowing the world is beyond me. Therapy takes months, even years, and it’s a deeply personal journey that friends cannot, and shouldn't, interfere with. The whole idea that my protagonist can choose what’s best for the companions is equally absurd. My companions should be making choices based on how I treated them throughout the game; it shouldn't be up to me to decide that. And the best part is that, in the end, it doesn't matter, because no choice in this game has any real weight. Honestly, it’s narcissistic of anyone to expect others to fix their mental health issues. This was a reality check for me when I was younger; it hurts, but it is what it is.

The writing of the characters is something I never thought possible, but here we are. Most characters are written as if they're afraid to offend anyone. My wise friend once said, "If you live your life trying to avoid offending everyone, you might as well not live at all," and that’s true. It’s probably another reason why I can’t take anything seriously in this game—because nothing is serious. Nobody talks like this ever. So much of this is self-indulgent writing, which is fine and valid if you do it for yourself, not for the masses who will play this game.

This is easily illustrated by the Commander of the Grey Wardens, who tries so hard to be the bad guy. He won’t listen to logic or reason; he’s just a children’s movie villain who is evil for the sake of being evil. Honestly, the dialogue speaks for itself.

[ateez-himari]

FORMER LEADER MEETS MAKNAE

At the request of former B.A.P leader, Bang Yongguk, a conversation sparks with one of the industry's most artistic idols.

May 21, 2024 (1:28PM)

Third generation rapper Bang Yongguk uploaded an unexpected video to his YouTube channel, around a month following his new album, in which he documented a meeting with ATEEZ's youngest member and songwriter, Himari. In contrast to what many believed when seeing the title it was in fact not their first time interacting with one another as they had filmed a dance challenge in the summer of last year. On that day however it was arranged by the senior artist due to his curiosity regarding the vocalist's impressive credits as well as her unique artistic expression, claiming that he viewed her as one of the industry's rare aces.

Despite B.A.P's unfortunate disbandment in 2019 following a lawsuit against their company, it was expressed multiple times throughout the years that she held a great respect for him and found great inspiration in the way that he pursued his own creativity. It was through one of those passionate ramblings that the rapper caught wind of the maknae's name, the young woman immediately catching his attention with her often emotional additions in b-sides.

'There was something about the way you wrote certain feelings, the strict work ethic that you showed in videos and the realness in your personality that made me curious. You're also producing quite a lot for someone this young so I wanted to meet you, to see who was the girl everyone started talking about, good or bad comments alike.'

In the beginning of their conversation he mentioned that listening to the single 'Pray', made in collaboration with Agust D, was especially painful due to the vulnerability being expressed through such raw lyrics that seemed poured directly from their hearts. However it was her solo track 'Shadow' in the group's most recent album that made the heaviest impression not only for the heartbreaking side of the story but also the interesting production techniques she had used, each being carefully crafted to fit a specific narration.

Throughout the two hour long video netizens were able to witness a connection slowly form between these two artists, with the eldest having prepared some activities such as a short painting session as well as cooking dinner to break the ice. Despite the maknae's initial nervousness towards being alone with one of her favorite rappers , conversation seemed to flow rather easily due to her senior's attentive listening and their time together ended with a warm hug along with a promise to meet again in the near future.

The conversation topics ranged from lighthearted ones such as small anecdotes from their respective lives or the senior's endless curiosity regarding his junior's creative mind to much darker themes such as mental health, but in the end both seemed so at ease with one another's presence that there was never a dull moment.

'You seem like you make friends very easily' Yongguk had remarked. 'Your personality is very warm, even though when you first arrive at my home you seemed very nervous...I think I saw your hands shaking a little bit.'

The last few minutes revealed that he had requested she leave the painting done during their short activity, proceeding to frame it in his living room, claiming that it added life into the house and would ensure he is always reminded of this encounter. The vocalist on the other hand excitedly showed off a polaroid already placed in her phone case to the camera, the image simply being the two posing cutely yet meaning much more to her as the rapper had been an idol of hers for a very long time.

Other artists from older generations have expressed a desire to meet the rapidly rising songwriter, with legendary rapper G-Dragon sharing songs produced by her through Instagram stories with encouraging phrases in which he often conveyed support.

'The songs she created for Taemin had something that seperated them from other albums coming out at the time, so I really want to work with her one day.' Taeyang (BIGBANG)

'We've talked briefly a few times and it always seemed like she had so many things to share, so I'd like to hear them. She's also one of the few people who truly excels in every aspect of the industry.' Moonbyul (MAMAMOO)

'Your sister [to Yoongi] takes after you for a lot of things it seems, both with the outspoken lyrics and never ending creativity. How old was she when she started working with Taemin...18? She's still young but already so influential. You should bring her with you next time so we can meet.' IU

'She's worked with us...twice I think, on 'Reason' and 'NO LIMIT'. I didn't see her a lot because of schedules but when I listened to the drafts she made I was really impressed by what she created alone. She's improved a lot since then so I'd like to meet up for an album again.' Joohoney (MONSTA X)

While the maknae is sparking quite the conversations amongst the industry's most notable names, ATEEZ as a whole have been rapidly climbing their way to the top lately, with media outlets granting them the title of 'Powerhouse of K-Pop'. Netizens are already bracing themselves for the upcoming comeback on May 31st, which promises to shake the charts once more as they challenge themselves to work even harder.

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[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts [[Series Masterlist]]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

There's nothing worse than finding out you've been lied to. Five years after having her heart ripped out, a knock at Charlotte's door turns her whole world upside down and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

or

Simon fucked up big time and has his own world turned upside down. Price thinks it might be karma.

TW: Smut, angst, fluff, mental health issues, past abuse, torture, mentions of past rape, pregnancy, PTSD, mentions of attempted suicide, the usual warnings for COD looool

A/N:

I finally caved and made a Tumblr lmao I'll be honest, this fandom intimidates the fuck out of me. Cross posting here from Ao3.

This story follows a Two Act structure. It will begin with the prologue which is set in current times (really kicking this story off with a bang lmaoooo). Then Act One will be set in the past and then Act Two is back in the present.

I’m going to be playing with different POVs to get a real sense of what's going on and there will be a lot of Ghost POV because I love being in his brain :’) I also won’t be tagging each chapter individually so please read the tags here and they will be updated as needed.

Now, to clarify some shit;

I’ve played around with the timeline and shit to make things work better and had to fill in some gaps. We know that Ghost joined the military after the 911 attacks and I had him be 18 when that happened (meaning he was born in 1983). If I made him any older, he’d be even older than I wanted him to be at present times. As it was now, he turned out at 40 in 2023 (when I started this fic). I didn't really want him to be that old (not that 40s old, but you know lmao) so for the sake of this story, ‘present time’ is 2019 and he’s 36. 

And the last note; I’m in fact from Manchester myself. Ghost doesn’t have a Manchester accent in the least. No idea why, I always presumed it was something about him joining the military, maybe he picked up an accent similar to a London one or something, but boy is that accent not Mancunian. Not that its a bad thing because I fucking hate Mancunian accents and I say that as someone who has one lololol I won't be mentioning the fact his accent isn't quite right in the story ‘cause that's just awkward :’)

Some chapters will be accompanied with a song that fits (sometimes loosely) the theme of the chapter.

Prologue

Act One: Chapter One

Act One: Chapter Two

Act One: Chapter Three

Act One: Chapter Four

Act One: Chapter Five

Act One: Chapter Six

Act One: Chapter Seven

Act One: Chapter Eight

Act One: Chapter Nine

Act One: Chapter Ten

Act One: Chapter Eleven

Act One: Chapter Twelve

Act One: Chapter Thirteen

Act One: Chapter Fourteen

Act One: Chapter Fifteen

Act One: Chapter Sixteen

Act One: Chapter Seventeen

Act One: Chapter Eighteen

Act One: Chapter Nineteen

Act One: Chapter Twenty

Act One: Chapter Twenty One

Act One: Chapter Twenty Two

Act One: Chapter Twenty Three

Act One: Chapter Twenty Four

Act One: Chapter Twenty Five

Act One: Chapter Twenty Six

Act One: Chapter Twenty Seven

Interlude

Act Two: Chapter One

Act Two: Chapter Two

Act Two: Chapter Three

[pandemic-info]

‘This isn’t a life’: The crushing burden of Long Covid | RNZ News

Ashleigh was saving up to travel overseas in the near future. Now, she's housebound at 28, sometimes even bedbound, unable to drive or walk more than a short distance.

"My mum has had to take care of me a lot this year, and I feel a bit bad for her experience as well."

Michael, 32, was a busy Crown prosecutor. Now he's been disabled for more than 18 months, taking long stretches off work and struggling with his mental health and damaged relationships.

"It's probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

Renee was elected as the first Samoan and first female Pasifika on the Palmerston North City Council in 2019.

"It felt like I was just reaching the top of my career, with loads of future potential."

Then she spent a year living on the couch, with a commode toilet next to her because she couldn't walk to the toilet. More than a year later, she can now take a few steps from her chair to the toilet. She can chat with people, if she paces herself, and use the internet. The rest of the time, she sleeps or rests.

"This isn't a life. I'm only hanging on for my kids."

These are just a handful of the heartbreaking stories of New Zealanders with Long Covid, uncovered by a new research project into the extent of what has been described as a "mass disabling event" in New Zealand.