#2) i needed to make it myself (it be like that sometimes)
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Hello!
I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).
Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.
(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)
Heya!
This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.
Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.
So, I think we need to break down this question:
1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.
Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.
2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.
3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).
Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?
Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)
Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.
After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.
No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)
Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.
#trans stuff#ty about Siegfried - his aesthetic is one I've been chasing most my life#so he is def my personal masculine ideal and his clothes are now more than cosplay for me
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#sorry need to have this on the blog i have been fighting for my life trying to make the rook characterisation make sense#especially since tyche is an established oc for me and has a personality thats quite different from what we get w rook sometimes#but this chain shit is crazy. the chuckle is crazy. eyes flitting to the hand and back up again CRAZY#like ok ill take that. i can see this for her#people on reddit mad about how apparently his romance is a nothingburger whatever my city now i can do whatever i want#whatever bullshit yearning i wanted i can create myself. ESPECIALLY with the fact that lucanis doesn't react or flirt overtly#for like 1/2 of the game. like genuinely perfect.I CAN WORK WITH THIS#veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers#tyche laidir#lucanis dellamorte#dav#like i dont even like the dialogue in this scene but i gotta take what i can get man
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Ranking the yandere rottmnt boys by how likely they are to kidnap their darling
Just a little crumb to keep myself from losing my mind while staring at google docs this late at night. Sorry if this is super bad, it's way later at night than I'm used to staying up and election night stressed me the hell out.
Donnie.
I have absolutely no doubts that he's going to at least try very very hard to kidnap you. And honestly, I doubt it would be too hard. He's a highly trained, mystic wielding, tech inventing, mutant ninja turtle. And on top of that, he's very fond of planning absolutely everything. And to finish it all off, I think it would be once in a blue moon that he actually treats his darling as an equal. He already thinks he's better than almost everyone, and when he gets obsessed, he has to make himself feel better about it somehow, so he decides to cope by thinking you need him instead of it being the other way around. As a result, he treats you a bit like a very glorified songbird, and songbirds.. well, aren't they usually put in cages anyway? You won't even care after a week or two of adjustment! (He will get upset if you aren't content with being kidnapped by then, by the way.)
2. Raph
The only reason Raph is behind Donnie on this list is because I think he would take longer to justify it to himself. He thinks you're fragile, that you need to be protected from the harsh world! I mean, he barely trusts his youngest brother, who is also a highly trained ninja, to do a simple mission on his own. How do you think he'll treat you after the obsession sets in properly? Not really as an equal, I'll tell you that. He's much nicer to you than Donnie would be, but he still doesn't respect you enough to let you handle yourself, even if that's not how he sees his behavior. At the same time though... isn't he supposed to be a hero? Do heroes kidnap their darlings? Or would this make him the dragon... In the end though, he'll decide that he's fine with being the dragon so long as he knows that the rest of the world won't be able to run their metaphorical (or maybe literal, depending on how unpopular you are in the area) pitchforks right through your heart.
3. Mikey
Mikey wouldn't just.. outright kidnap his darling, I think. I think it would start with a fun sleepover at the lair! Then he insists you stay just one more day! You're having so much fun, after all! Don't you wanna hang out with your best friend for a while longer? You agree, of course- him and his brothers have been nothing but nice to you ever since you met them, and their company is always a delight, so it's worth a shot, isn't it? Then suddenly, the weekend is over, and school's ready to chew you up again, so you do leave. Then it's finally the weekend again! You've heard of a fun game from your school friends, so you plan on trying it when you get home this afternoon- it's friday, after all- when you get a text from Mikey in the group chat with his brothers. He wants you to come over again- and, of course, you say "sure". Not like you can't just play the game on sunday, or when you go home saturday. The sleepover flies by, but you're a bit weary by the time you're pretty sure you're supposed to go home- but here's Mikey, and he's so sure that you promised you'd stay at the lair until sunday again! So, you give in. There's always next weekend, right...? I think you get the pattern, but eventually, he'll be keeping you at the lair 24/7, and you'll be rubbing at your weary eyes wondering how you got into this mess. Sometimes you can even see his brothers shoot you worried looks.
4. Leo
Leo would only kidnap his darling as a last resort, and I think it's because of two reasons. One, he's the brother who sees you closest to being an equal (Donnie and Raph constantly go against your personal autonomy and Mikey puts you on an extremely restricting pedestal), though to be fair, that's not a high bar to pass- and two he much prefers to have some sort of interesting conflict to be present because he finds it entertaining. His life is a weird, morally incorrect soap opera at this point, and he's the number one viewer. Kidnapping would only really happen with him if he thought you were either seriously leaving him (moving or getting into a serious relationship with someone else) or if the circumstances around him got too stressful and he needed something to cling to for any semblance of support outside his brothers (who, at that point, would probably also be super stressed). Think post movie, when the city is still recovering. Man, he was probably freaking out thinking that you might've died to the kraang.
#yandere tmnt#yandere rottmnt#rottmnt x reader#yandere#tmnt x reader#Strawberry's basket#oughhh im so tired#just have to add a little more to something....#then i can sleep....
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Jason Epsiode 9 Thoughts
Yesterday I played whatever I could of episode 9 on Jason's route and finished watching the rest on youtube, so I wanna share my thoughts (generally speaking tho, I actually enjoyed the episode! it was honestly refreshing after.... everything, lol)
beware of spoilers under the cut <3
Okay, this was quite surprising for me. From what I had spoiled myself already I could tell that I was going to like some things about the episode, but I was not expecting to feel overall so positive about it!
From the beginning, I personally really liked all the tidbits of the common route. I liked seeing Tasha and Zahra play cards (seeing their relationship and how close and friendly they seem, what they like, etc), and I also liked the time spent with the inters, they were fun and I generally enjoy seeing the MC interact with other characters. I did miss some more interaction with the other routes, I chose Thomas to work with and honestly it felt like he was barely even there :/ it would have been fun to see him more with the interns and talk about the project he was working on. I don't know, I like this type of "filler" stuff that tells you about the characters and how they act and interact with other people and in different situations, it makes them feel more 3d and real and I fell like this is something the game lacks a LOT. It's nice that we are very focused on our route from the get go cause we get many moments with them, but at the same time it makes the experience very isolating and you dont get to know anyone much besides your route (you also have way less chances to get affinity with other characters, which bothers me honestly, I don't like feeling "locked" with the LI i chose). It gets boring for me but I understand that's just preference and that many people prefer this, so I appreciated all the common route moments we had this episode.
Now, Jason.
God, I absolutely loved it, the more I think about it the more I like it. I liked getting to know more about him, I liked the vulnerable moments, the looks to the side, the sad face, the smidge of angst. The special scene was cute, he looked so soft and kind while keeping that playful air. I wish they had some more banter and more jokes but I liked how they interacted in this episode and how it seemed llike 2 actual adults subtly flirting and connecting. He was very charming here.
HOWEVER, I need to be honest and mentioned all the stuff I didn't like at all.
First of all, it really bothers me that in the spanish version the characters don't seem to have a defined speech style at all. The way Jason speaks sometimes feels SO weird and it doesn't fit him at all. It takes me out so much to hear him speak like that.
Then the writing is... ugh. It feels like it has not been proof read at all, so many repetitiveness? It takes me out of the story a lot and honestly, it feels poor quality and that it has little care put into it
And it really bothers me how they repeated AGAIN the whole "i have never seen him smiled genuinely like this" GIRL YOU DID ????? ON EPISODE 7 ????? YOU SAID THE SAME THING THEN ????? is anyone editing these dialogues be honest with me beemoov
Lastly, my biggest enemy this game: Ysaline
I really, REALLY, don't like her. It bothers me how utterly dramatic she is with the whole "deal with the devil" bullshit (and the amount of times this sentence has been repeated is so obnoxious, we GET IT, be original ffs). Specially cause what the actual fuck has this man done for you to antagonize him and judge him so much? 5 random people that you knew for 2 days told you he was bad and you ran with it, girl have some actual thoughts of your own and stop judging people you know shit about.
Because I am seriously asking, what has Jason done to be "THE DEVIL"? Work hard? Cause that's all I have seen.
(And where did that episode 5 stuff with the "You owe me a favor now" go ???? did everyone forget about this ???? this "deal with the devil" bullshit again ???? I was expecting this to be a relevant line but we are going on episode 10 and I only hear crickets, it has't even been mentionned I really hate how utterly disconnected the episodes feel and how we have literally no plot)
And god Ysaline gave me so much second hand embarassment when she kept accusing him og using Tasha to spy on Devenementiel ????? GIRL? First of all, you are the new hire of a 7 people company, what the fuck would your 16 year old sister have ???? Devenementiel doesnt even have confidential information why would Jason even CARE. This was EMBARASSING.
Also, Jason telling her that he motivated Tasha by telling her that Ysa would be better ?????? Bro what makes you think that, all you have seen of this woman is her being an absoute mess, doing the most stupid and ridicuous bullshit, NOT WORKING (miss girl was out strolling around the city looking for apartments during work hours, she barely even worked that day), and not being able to even organize a damn birthday party. What about this woman is capable or competent? Aren't you supposed to hate incompetent people? hm?
I really mean this but these two have so little chemistry that is DRY as a desert I don't understand what Jason could see in her cause everything we know about the character would point to him disliking her. In his route what would make sense is for Ysalinne to be super hard working person, someone competitive and very focused on her work that takes her professional life seriously. THAT is someone that I can see Jason liking and somewhat admiring and wanting by his side.
Anyway, tldr: I liked this episode, I hope we get more like this, I hope Ysaline grows the fuck up and I hope we have more fun banter and jokes and flirting instead of creepyness <3
#edit: lol i forgot some stuff oops#mcl#my candy love#mcl ng#mcl new gen#my candy love new gen#jason mendal#mcl ng jason#mcl ng jason mendal#mcl ng episode 9
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{ 05.11.24 } · { 50 days of routine } · { day 7 }
I was never “popular” at school. Not that I ever cared to be. I don't have the personality for it. And I don't really care to have the personality for it either. I'm not and never will be That Girl™ material, a “high-value woman”, or whatever feminine persona is trendy on TikTok these days (and i'm not even ON TikTok, but ofc the trends spread everywhere like wildfire) because I don't look the part (nor do I want to...i quite like my personal style) or think or speak or act the way she would if it goes against my values and/or it won't actually improve my wellbeing. I say I don't care. And I really truly don't because a lot of it and what it leads to is straight-up problematic for my personal case, running counter to the life I want to live and all my reasons why. But as with anything, being yourself has its pros and cons.
Sometimes I still feel like it's hard to truly belong anywhere...even the places I make for myself like this blog... Sometimes when I feel like this, I feel like the only place I most belong is in my head. It's not good. That's not where I need to be, nor do I need to be much concerned about trends on social media and what drives people to follow them. And I certainly don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I need to be in the real world and focused on my work only because I think it's worth it and because I think I'm worth it as I am.
I'm not sure why I felt like saying this.
~~~Friendly PSA: STOP 🖐🏻 scrolling social media of any kind when feeling low in self-esteem.~~~
got up at 7, continued filling in the CBT workbook then decided to move my answers elsewhere because the annotating feature in the ebook app is getting annoying, started my day at 8 with the usual minimalist morning routine
10/30 mins of the same beginner pilates workout i did a few days ago except i forgot to breathe and ended up so light-headed i couldn't go anymore...
filling in CBT workbook because i can't get the reflection questions out of my head until i answer them... 😣 so far, nothing new has been revealed to me, but in the busy-ness of the day-to-day, i tend to neglect ALL the other dimensions of my life and then forget that that's why i feel so shitty and the problem is the self-prompted reflection i tend to do at this time carries a lot of negativity and pessimism and comparison and judgment and it's not very organized, it's actually not organized at all, it's always just a word vomit. but when i do it now, with the tone of the categorized prompts not being judgy at all, i'm able to look at my problems more objectively and holistically and like "oh okay, i'm not doing as bad in this dimension as i thought and the REAL problem is this other dimension of life and all the specific things you mention are lacking here" and idk, sometimes i think it's weird that my brain works this way, it's like i was looking at the same picture the entire time and all i had to do was turn it a bit to the left for it to make sense. is this how brains normally work? 😅
finished last week's microbio module
researching for global health assignment...will begin writing tmr 😅👍
finished section 1/2 of last week's immunology module and started the loooong second section 🥴👍
🎧 some nights – fun.
@zzzzzestforlife tagged me to do this picrew! it was fun. and it's so coincidental that i've been thinking about ghosts lately! the past versions of us that we follow without question when they tell us what to do, what not to do, and what we should aspire for... ☁️ sometimes those ghosts are right...and sometimes they're just plain toxic.
tagging @whenmemoriesfrost @chemblrish @ecologie-txt @winryrockbellwannabe @obakanosandoitchi if you want to :)
#idk sometimes navigating social media feels like navigating another school playground 🤷🏻♀️#studyblr#studyspo#study aesthetic#mental health#study motivation#study inspiration#late night thoughts#popularity#becoming that girl#pilates girl#pilates princess#wonyoungism#that girl#it girl#clean girl#astudentslifebuoy#high value woman#heydilli#heyfrithams#studyingwithmila#100dop#therapy#mental wellness#mental health matters#cognitive behavioral therapy#100 days of productivity#100 days of studying#100 days of self discipline#50 days of routine
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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HOUSE OF THE DRAGON + Helaena being ahead of time pt. ???
2x06 Smallfolk 2x03 The Burning Mill
requested by @sansaorgana
#alicent hightower#helaena targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd#hotdedit#houseofthedragonedit#gotedit#mygifs*#gameofthronesdaily#queenage#targaryensource#targnation#tuserbea#userbecca#usergal#usermali#usertully#tusereliza#userlin#s2#i know someone already made this parallel but#1) i got a request to make it#2) i needed to make it myself (it be like that sometimes)
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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Vibrates intensely in emotional reunion.
Look I know this is now how it went 😔 but I really wanted to use this quote for these two (its from How to Train your Dragon 2), imagine Dainsleif feeling so much joy and relief upon finding the Lost Prince alive and well, him showing more vulnerability than Paimon and Lumine have ever seen. ITS NOT CANON, BUT IT COMPELS ME!!! xD
-NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-
#genshin impact#Kaeya alberich#dainsleif#dainsleif the bough keeper#kaeya genshin impact#dainsleif genshin impact#Isa's fanart#insertsomethinawesome#June2023#The shading on this got so wildly out of control SDFLJSDLKGJSDLGSD#I told myself it would be simple. Then I didn't make it simple#tis my curse. I let these things get out of hand xD#Sometimes its good and fine!!! But other times i need to. Not#So I actually finish projects and don't keep perpetuating my perfectionism#THAT BEING SAID THO I LOVE HOW THIS TURNED OUT#Httyd 2 my beloved#I love this quote in the original context ;;v;;#and I like getting to abuse it for other contexts >:3c#Let dainsleif be soft. and also force him to take a break and a nap asdlfJSDLGKJSDGLKJSD
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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still can't get over the stupid goddamn anthpo video. genuinely fucking disgusted thinking ab it
#crunchyposts#yt#bro that was full bullying right. that was bullying. this was absolutely in bad faith right im not crazy#thank god the party clips were edited out but jesus christ they shouldnt have been there in the first place#more than 200k people saw that. including me. and god i wish i didnt#gonna watch the kurtis conner vid on furries to cleanse myself bc he is ACTUALLY going into the topic from not a bad faith pov#im not crazy ab everything kurtis does i think hes walking a thin line sometimes between bullying and no bullying#but god its nowhere near as bad as what anthpo did#edit i did actually watch the kurtis vid its really good still !!!!#a lot of the jokes arent punching down on furries which made me realize. how much of anthpo's vid was that#the comment section is very respectful and like not even on a furry note the pacing is way slower which i prefer#the anthpo vid is a bit too. high energy for me i need to chill for a second between jokes and all that#edit like 2-3 days after i posted this im getting notes on it and i just wanna say like#even before the party thing this vid rubbed me the wrong way and i knew it was because i saw a more empathetic video about furries#genuienlyy from a place of trying to understand the community not just making fun of them and it was kurtis' video#check it out if you havent its like if that one part of his video thats like a minute of defending furries was. longer and good
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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You have probably answered this before, but have you ever considered becoming a published author ? Your writing style is soo good
sure lol i’ve considered it but the older i’ve gotten & the more i’ve learned abt how the publishing industry actually works the less it’s become a priority… “author” was like my dream job as a kid but it takes a lot of time & money & connections that i simply don’t have rn 2 write & publish novels so! maybe one day i’ll give it a go but 4 now i’m more focused on writing & publishing nonfiction articles/research as part of my work…of course that is not something i will make money from lol but it’s what i’ve gotta do if i want a shot at building a career in my desired field so. current priority lies there…
anyway appreciate the compliment glad u enjoy my writing <3 let’s all hold hands & enjoy it 4 free…
#also feel like. in recent years 2 ‘make it’ as an author u have 2 like…become an influencer lol#which is NOT something i would ever want 2 subject myself to. if i was gonna publish i’d wanna remain a recluse…#anyway. feel like sometimes there is this idea that u just need 2 be a ‘good writer’ 2 get published but that is not the case lol#in reality it seems u need connections/money & marketing skills. none of which i have !#so for now i just have fun writing fic & my nonfiction writing is my actual work#supposed 2 be getting a paper published this year which is v exciting…just sent it into the editors this week….#also technically do have one (1) poem published in an anthology but will not be sharing my real name on here. so xx#<- that’s the other thing if i did get published idk if id share on here i want 2 remain mostly anonymous…don’t want my real name that will#be tied 2 my research 2 also be tied 2 hp fanfiction lol#ask
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