#15+ years of experience is surely valid right

[corrose]

The feminine urge to move to another state so you don't have to deal with your parents' tech problems

[bloggingboutburgers]

this past week my qpp of almost two years broke up with me. and i know for you, you said you wouldn't necessarily feel heartbroken if your qpr came to an end, but for me, it felt more heartbreaking than some of my past romantic breakups. this whole thing made me wonder if maybe im not queerplatonic or aro enough to be in a qpr, or if id ever want to be in a qpr again. but seeing you post about your qpr gives me hope that queerplatonic love is something that i can experience fully. so thank you for always sharing your story, because that's what's helping me heal right now <3

Aah, to be perfectly honest, as much as I sorta "downplay" it compared to what it must feel for people who experience romantic attraction... I've had a time where I almost felt like I couldn't go on with my QPP as well and the sheer thought of it was really hard to bear too, so my words here aren't necessarily being very fair to the reality of things.

It was during the travel ban of March 2020 to November 2021 where citizens of my country and others weren't allowed to enter the US unless we spent 15 days in a country that wasn't banned. It made it much harder than usual to visit my partner and as it was nearing 2 years with nobody aware it was going on anymore and US people more concerned about whether they'd be able to have turkey for Thanksgiving, my hope was running really thin. So for a few days in mid-October, as I was at rock bottom, I was starting to write in passing to my partner about how maybe going on wasn't worth it because the separation was too hard on us, it wasn't showing signs of stopping, and the whole thing maybe wasn't worth the pain if they could live their life happily and not have to worry about me who couldn't visit.

And then we videocalled at some point, and when they tearfully told me that even if it did end then and there, they wanted me to keep the promise ring they'd recently given me, I suddenly felt a quiet rage in me going like "No. Fuck this. Look at them. I love them. And I love this too much to allow some cruel governmental decision to end it. If it ever ends, it'll be because WE want it to end. Not because of shit like this."

...I'm making it sound super dramatic but yeah long story short this is also a big reason why we're planning to get married. So that when the US government decides to put a ban on countries including mine again, they can't stop us from vibing together this time.

I guess... I still don't wanna 100% assume we'll be together forever because I don't wanna trap them in a situation they may no longer feel happy in. We're doing great now, but I still have it in the back of my mind that maybe someday they'll get sick of me (they say they never will and that'd be dope if they never did, but never say never and all), or we'll both just want other things, and if it ends like that, then... Yeah, that'd be alright. Much more alright than the way it almost ended.

(...Oh, and for the record, if a friendship of mine ended abruptly, or if my brothers stopped being on good terms with me, I'm pretty sure I'd be just as heartbroken, to be fair. And it'd feel like my reality was collapsing a little. I guess anything ending, any human connection ending, has that effect to a degree, if it's important enough, after all.)

Though describing things like that does make it a bit harder to define what makes it "queerplatonic" as opposed to "romantic", I still... Just have that feeling in my gut that it isn't romance, y'know? It's kinda... A mix between being close friends and being an old married couple without ever having gone through the grandiose passion-honeymoon phase. Maybe that phase IS what defines romance per se. I don't know. Maybe someday I'll find more answers, but it's kinda hard to find answers when you have no idea how romance works to begin with I guess 🙈

In any case... Sorry if I caused any confusion or if I made you question your validity. The thing is pretty simple to be honest: if you feel you're aro, you're veeeeeery likely to BE aro. Because nobody can make that call but you and nobody can name the relationships you have but you. And if amongst everything you even FOUND the words "aro" or "queerplatonic" in a world where those identities and types of relationships are so aggressively hidden or erased, then it's gotta stand for something.

...I guess at the very least THIS I can be certain of TwT Sorry I'm a bit messy about all of this myself, I'm still also going on about it trying to figure it out day by day, but I owed it to you and everyone to be honest. These things are hard to define and I hope to keep finding better and better words to do so someday. TwT

[riririnnnn]

You know, majority of the Fandom including myself seem to have forgotten that another match is going on alongside BM Vs PxG:

Nagi has been miserable since the BM match and considering this panel:

I can place a safe bet that THIS is probably the BEST time to reveal Nagi's backstory. I mean, this has happened earlier too: a brilliant player goes downhill -> backstory revealed -> the player makes a comeback. Of course, there are chances that Nagi will make a comeback without his backstory being revealed, but I can't think of any other better moment than what we currently have.

I understand that many of you are getting confused now like Nagi's backstory? Huh? Don't we know a lot about him already—we, literally, have a spin-off Manga of him!?

And you are not wrong, but it ISN'T his backstory—it is just his story BEFORE he got into Blue Lock/Soccer while a backstory explains why a person is the way they are, and we surely don't know why Nagi is the way he is.

You might argue that, "Some people are just lazy without any reason," and I agree, I wholeheartedly agree with it and that's exactly what I thought about Nagi too until I saw this:

And my whole life turned upside down.

I did know about his parents' Laissez-faire method way before, but at that time I didn't think about the effect it might have had on Nagi's character as a whole.

Of course, I don't have a first-hand experience in parenting, but I do have a first-hand experience in being parented—some children are just naturally independent and CAN do things on their own at the first try (my sibling) while some children NEED someone to guide them around until they become comfortable enough (me), so considering Nagi's behaviour, I kinda think that hands off parenting wasn't the one for him 'cause this:

isn't exactly something to be happy about, you know. Yes, yes, I understand the deeper meaning of it, but you get the gist of what I'm trying to say, right?

Speaking from personal experience again, people who had to take care of themselves from a young age and had to carry their own responsibilities usually turn into a very hardworking, considerate and kind person or they become 'lazy' like Nagi—they burnout.

One more thing to note about the burnout 'lazy' people are that they are very efficient in whatever they do 'cause they used to have so many things to do in their hands that they just naturally happen to follow the least energy consuming path which in turn becomes a habit—no wonder Nagi got into Hakuho and is usually good in whatever he does.

Further, I do think that some times, his parents kind of nearly appear neglectful:

If my calculations are right, then he was only 15 years old when he moved out into a new place in a new city on his own. He was also fresh outta middle school! Crazy!

And no, we actually haven't gotten any 'neglected child' backstory till now—from a broader perspective, Kaiser had abuse as his backstory while Lorenzo had abandonment as his backstory.

Him being an unintentionally neglected child also explains why he went along with whatever Reo told him to do.

You see, judging by Episode Nagi Chapter 22.5 alone, he seems like someone who appreciates actions and words, and that's exactly what Reo has been doing from the start. Reo has shown his efforts openly to him—he is very verbal which was something Nagi's parents, probably, weren't.

I don't think it's very surprising if someone who is craving for validation and affection for his whole life gets attached to someone who finally gives them everything that they wanted and needed.

What do you guys think?

[doumadono]

EMERGENCY REQUEST ( ALSO TW FOR SA MENTION I BEG YOU TO NOT READ THIS POST IF NOT IN A GOOD PLACE OF MIND AND THIS HAS HAPPENED TO YOU! )

So I'm drunk right now, to be honest. So sorry if this comes out a bit weird.

I'm realizing my family is full of r***ist apologists, they had said my first real BF couldn't be blamed for ruining my life as he has a kid, despite him serially abusing me for a year straight from ages 15-16.

Then my other ex, my second long term relationship : He was 34-35 and I was 22. So, yeah, he knew of my trauma and exploited it. Forced me to do sexual actions I was NOT okay with, and threatened me with those.

I'm realizing I was groomed and I wouldn't mind ( would really love ) if I could get a Hitoshi x AFAB reader ( they them pronouns ) who is kind of.. traumatized... before their "intimate" acts. He reassures Them that it is okay, and no matter what he still loves them.

( Points if the act doesn't continue, points if they end up tearing up and he wipes their tears, kisses their cheek and comforts them. Asking them if they truly want to continue, making them feel safe, valued and loved, etc etc )

A/N: I'm truly sorry to hear that you've had to go through such difficult experiences with your family and past relationships. It's disheartening to encounter people who don't recognize the gravity of abuse or trauma. Your experiences should never be diminished or brushed aside. Your feelings and your healing process are valid, and you deserve understanding and empathy

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

In the dimly lit room, Hitoshi Shinso could sense the palpable tension in the air as he gazed into the eyes of his partner. The shadows of their past haunted them, their trauma casting long, dark shadows across their soul. They, a person of determination, a survivor of their own battles, had never let their past dictate their future. But now, as they lay at the precipice of intimacy, those old wounds resurfaced with a vengeance.

As they began to undress, they couldn't help but feel a suffocating weight on their chest. Every touch, every intimate gesture, seemed to trigger the memories they had tried so hard to bury.

Hitoshi noticed the subtle change in their demeanor, how their breathing became shallow and their hands trembled. He placed his hands on their shoulders, his touch gentle and reassuring, and softly spoke, "Hey, I want you to know something, something I need you to truly understand. Your past doesn't define you. I'm here with you in this moment, and I love you for who you are right now. You can talk to me."

They shifted nervously, averting their gaze, and it was evident that the memories that had once tormented them were still fresh in their mind. "I know you do," they whispered, their voice quivering. "But sometimes… I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm too broken." They covered themselves with a blanket, hiding their nakedness and the contours of their breasts from his glance.

Hitoshi cupped their face, gently guiding them to meet his eyes. "You're not broken. You're a work of art, and every scar on your soul is a brushstroke in your masterpiece. I love you for all that you are, even the parts that you may consider broken. Please, understand that."

Their eyes welled up with tears, the emotional floodgates threatening to burst open. Hitoshi wiped away a tear that had escaped, his thumb grazing their cheek ever so gently. He leaned in and planted a tender kiss on their forehead, a symbol of his unwavering love and support. "It's okay to be vulnerable, to be afraid. I have those moments every now and then. We don't have to continue if you're not ready. Your feelings are valid, and I'm here to make sure you feel safe, valued, and loved. I'll willingly wait."

They sniffled, gripping his shirt tightly as though it were an anchor in a stormy sea. "I want to," they whispered, their voice fragile. "But it's just… hard."

Hitoshi's arms wrapped around them in a protective embrace, and he held them close, his heart aching for their pain. "We can take it slow, at your pace. We can stop at any moment. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not judging you. Your trust means everything to me."

The room was heavy with emotion, but it was a different kind of heaviness now, one born of shared vulnerability and trust. Shinso continued to hold them, allowing them to find their strength. He knew that healing took time, and he was willing to wait as long as it took.

"I love you," he whispered, his words a soothing balm for their wounded heart. "You are so incredibly strong, and I'm honored to be a part of your life." Shinso held them close to his chest, and his steady heartbeat slowly soothed the storm of emtions raging within them.

Their tears flowed freely now, and they looked up at him with a mixture of gratitude and affection. "I love you too, Shinso," they murmured, their voice filled with emotion. "Can we… Can we try some other time? I don't think I'm mentally ready just yet…"

"That's all that matters. Let's take this one step at a time."

They nodded, their trust in him deepening with each passing moment. The darkness of their past may have cast its long shadow, but in the embrace of Shinso's love, they found the strength to face it and, together, emerge into the light of a new beginning.

[marshmallowprotection]

My mystic messenger phases come and go ever since I was young, like 15 years old young. But I always loved saeran with all my heart.

Recently I got a disgnosis, an incurable disease I'll live with forever now, which crushes me. I was healthy one day, and doing poorly the next.

In these kinds of times, I visit your page. As I've done for years whenever a bad thing happens. I love reading the things you come up with and your beautiful headcanons and fics.

In my mind, it always feels like saeran is there with me, coming to the hospital with me, telling me to take my meds, hahaha.

I just wanted to let you know the impact your writing has on others. You are always the first blog i will come to when I need to read something to cheer me up ☺️ have a wonderful day, please. You are incredible.

Hey, Anon! I appreciate the love and care you've given me, and I just want you to know you're not alone. Chronic Illness can happen at any time, and while you may be grieving right now, I want you to know it will be okay. Grief is a cycle, and you will feel all five stages again and again, but please, don't lose hope in finding the peaceful stage again when you hit the vulnerable lows. You're allowed to fully grieve, to be angry, to be tired, and to be frustrated. But, you're also allowed to be happy, accepting, and at peace.

All those feelings can exist, either separately or at the same time, it's hard to explain but you'll know it when you feel it. I have many health conditions myself, and they've changed the way I have to live day by day. There are times when I'm upset and times when I feel at peace... and both of those feelings? Valid. There's no right or wrong way to let yourself experience these feelings. I hope nobody tells you otherwise.

It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I can recognize that, but I hope you'll take that to heart.

Now, for the uplifting part with Saeran! Saeran knows what it feels like to be sick. He spent his entire childhood always on the edge of life and death, and Saeyoung fought hard to make sure he had food to eat and occasionally, medication to stave off a cold before it had a chance to turn into pneumonia. It was exhausting, but he didn't know there was any other way to live because life dealt him a hard hand.

But, now that he's older, things may not be perfect, because his health is still worse for wear, but he's learning how to help himself. He's learning there's assistive devices to help him! There's all kinds of medication that can help his nausea, exhaustion, and allergies! There is a sense of hope he never had before, and while he knows that's not a perfect fix—it makes life feel tolerable, and sometimes, it does the most to make it feel enjoyable.

A little bit of medication, reasonable doctors, accessibility aids, and friends who care to listen when you need to be heard always makes a world of difference, doesn't it? Saeran will be there with you every step of the way and don't you dare doubt it. He's there, holding your hand, reminding you that you're strong, but it's okay to cry, too. You don't have to be the model sick person, you're allowed to be yourself and experience your emotions as they come.

"It's okay, my Love. Whenever you feel the sunlight kiss your cheeks as you walk into the hospital, that's me... reminding you to look up at the clouds before you do anything else. I want you to tell me what you see... no matter what it is. I'd like to think whatever you see is a sign of the day to come. Hahaha, do you want to know what I saw this morning? A cloud shaped like a heart, of course!"

[communist-hatsunemiku]

wanted to write about Annie(pseudonym ofc). This 92 year old woman i took care of tonight, walked with a walker, and was almost blind, she could see shadows(tbh in a well lit room she does pretty good). It was her bath day, and she wanted to try the whirlpool tub, instead of a regular shower.

The whirlpool tub, in my line of work, is a tub that has a sealing door, and a special raising and lowering chair that we use to get people in and out of it. Even if you can't walk at all, we can use lifts and the like to get you into this 'shower chair' as it's called and then into the tub. The tub itself is pretty nice, it's like a personal jacuzzi, has air jets, soap bubbles, it's a nice tub I wouldn't mind in my own house tbh.

Annie was pretty stoaked about trying it, she'd never been in anything like it as far as I could tell. She was in her late 50s when a sister treated her to her first manicure ever, and then she lamented about how some 5 year old granddaughter got one done as part of a birthday party thing. Not in a bitter 'fuck those kids way', just a "I kinda missed out" way.

She revealed during the bath that she had never worn makeup in her life, and that fact saved her husband a lot of money, and therefore didn't need any soap to wash her face, not sure how valid or invalid that claim is, but no soap it was. I think I just said 'wow', mind you I'm on hour 15 of a 16 hour shift after getting no sleep. I was focused on the task at hand mostly lol.

Multiple times before we even got into the tub, she kept saying "this is quite the experience, quite the experience". And it is! It's a slow and careful process getting a 92 year old woman into this thing without her slipping or falling, you cannot rush these things. When we finally got into the tub she loved it of course, but being the humble practical woman she is, she kept asking me how long she was suppose to be in there and what to do next, and infact we can't let the residents sit too long because their skin will prune, obviously, and this can be really bad. Skin breakdown(my number one enemy) is basically already jumpstarted, so you get them clean and get them out and get them dry.

she loved the whole thing, it's extremely rare i work with someone who is just so ecstatic to be doing something like this in a facility like this. she called her son(? i think) right after and was immediately, didnt even say hello, like "guess what, i just got a WHIRLPOOL and it was WONDERFUL, im so RELAXED"

and even tho i was very tired and loopy, it was the highlight of my day.

[unalloyedmiquella]

**i am 30 hours into da4 at the time of writing this post. i just finished the seige at weisshaupt**

oh dragon age the veilguard, how i have mixed feelings about you

idk who thought it was a good idea to hire someone who has absolutely no experience making fantasy rpgs and almost no experience making games period as one of the lead directors. its extremely obvious.

the best way i can put this is that this feels like a game that was made for a younger audience, a demographic that was not the original or majority of the fanbase. if corrine busch wanted to make a more “accessible” game, she should have worked on a different or original title (no im not talking about the difficulty choices)

this is a 15 year old franchise with a huge fanbase. i think its okay if people need to do some hw before playing.

and the other one? john epler, having him as a director was effectively useless. as a former qa employee and cinematic designer, he wasnt the right fit for the role of “making sure it felt like dragon age”

when it comes to plot, its solid. i love the lore reveals, but this is like you took thedas and made everyone on your side abject “good.” everyone here uses therapy speak, and there is no conflict. even if you piss a companion off, there virtually no difference in how they treat you like it feels like disapproval doesnt matter

what happened to the game that let me tell off a homophobic clergy woman? the game where a mage defended the circle? the game where you can PUNCH a companion?? sera was one of my favs from dai bc she was a mean lesbian, (and now everyone is passive and playersexual. snore) da is so impactful because of its complex and nuanced characters.

i want companions to feel like real people, not archetypes. in some ways da4 feels like a step back with character interactions. the nuance is gone here.

rook and the team is abject good, you cannot be evil, mean, or morally gray. you cant be bitchy, you are good, you are the teams therapist. i think this hurts the narrative and imerssion. i think the player should be able to actually craft a personality for rook, and not have the devs morals thrust unto you.

this game is so afraid to be problematic that it ends up turning something that could have been the best in the franchise, into an at times mediocre game.

the visually stunning graphics, stylized and saturated art style, and intuitive + fun combat mechanics, and lore /reveals/, keep me playing, but i cant help but roll my eyes when rook or the companions talk like they watched a bunch of pop psychology videos on tiktok.

edit: something else that actually truly drives me insane about this game is the hand holding. you will watch a cutscene that very obviously tells you what to do next and what will happen next, as soon as its over, rook and your companions all seem to have dialogue telling you want to do. this is my biggest, and imo most valid criticism of the game.

you’ll enter an area thats obviously a puzzle, and you destroy the crystals or turn a mechanism or destroy blight, and you get more dialogue counting how many more things you need to destroy, or tell you what to do despite the mere visual of the puzzle making it obvious what it is you need to do.

i hate it when games treat you like an idiot. these devs dont have any faith in the players intelligence to figure out very simple things.

if the dialogue is not plot relevant or if its not relationship building, it is unnecessary. stop telling me what to do, i know what to do.

i’ll probably make a separate post about how i despise the way trans narrative is handled and how corny and dumb the dialogue choices for that are.

i love that the option is there, i wanted this to be part of the game since dai has a trans male npc, but can i like … be normal about it? it feels inauthentic and i personally dont think the actual word “trans” belongs in a fantasy setting. come up with something else. it pulls me out of the world, it is immersion breaking. it makes it feel less medieval fantasy

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Same anon with that whole "bit" thing. As a fellow Solar simp, your feelings are totally valid. Solar even had to repeatedly say "He was literally going to kill me" regarding the Monty from his dimension. Honestly, the only lighthearted question in that entire podcast was "how do you feel about coffee?" And probably the whole bald thing.

But can I just say that when I heard Solar say that he learned the toxic masculinity from the Barbie movie, I am 100% sure that Earth got him to watch with her because I don't think he would watch it otherwise on his own. And it made me think of how underappreciated the fact that Earth has a really good influence on Sun, Moon, Lunar, and Solar with regards to, you know, the experiences of women, patriarchy, and such. I might sound stupid right now and I know there are people who will eye-roll this but I believe Earth being unapologetically feminine in a "household" full of men is a great thing.

The other lighthearted question was about anime, but that was fairly ruined.

Puppet could have had an anime buddy and blew it cus of Monty.

(and my 15 year old self is just crying cus Solar doesn't like naruto. ;w; But also as a naruto fan... Like... I GET IT.. I totally get it)

But yeah. Solar's whole podcast felt like an interrogation, at least compared to the others. So I wouldn't be too shocked if Monty just hates Solar's guts off the grounds that he's an Eclipse.

And yeah, he mostly watched the Barbie Movie with Earth. Like Earth has literally made everyone watch the Barbie movies with her. (long term hyperfixations for the win)

And yes, I like that Earth is unapologetically feminine. It's one of her best features! I honestly think that by Solar's definition, that would define Old Moon as Toxically Masculine as well in a way. Since he insisted on doing things on his own and he had to be the one to "save" his brother. Moon had to be the strong and smart one, Sun had to be the dumb and happy one to keep him happy.

And Old Moon I don't think did that maliciously. (maybe sometimes) but I do think he genuinely loved Sun.

Earth has really been a positive influence on Sun when he was greiving, Moon, as he was just coming into himself as a new person, and Lunar who revived from the dead. Earth was also very helpful in making Solar feel welcomed in this dimension. (so fuck off Monty really. Your GF likes Solar here.)

Sun and Moon properly communicating with eachother, and Sun actually having a lot better coping mechanisms are a direct result of Earth's influence.

Sun is even healthy to the point out in Castor faults in himself and then direct those coping techniques he learned outwards to help other people.

And that is 100% due to Earth's influence, empathy and femineity.

Earth is great honestly.

[differentalpacafestival]

My AuDHD rant;

I realised something recently.

So I got diagnosed AuDHD (autistic and ADHD for anyone who might not understand) in 2023. Since my autism diagnosis, I've read up on what autism actually is and how it's impacting my life.

I bought a book from Amazon by Devon Price, Unmasking Autism, and I've only made it to like page 50 in a year, but I've still learned a lot that should've been obvious from the beginning. For instance, that people are different. Like, yeah, no shit, no one is the same through and through, but to me, the biggest difference between people were certain opinions like views on racism, homosexuality, human rights etc. Mostly things that matter to someone else, and not one self. However, from Devon's book, I realised that autism *is* a spectrum, I *am* a person, and just because I have *this* autistic experience, doesn't mean my AuDHD friend has the same, or Devon, or my family members. Like an opinion, autism is not black and white; it varies vastly from person to person and I am one of them. I look at black and brown people as people, whereas my brother sees them as objects; something owned, replacable. I look at non binary as a valid gender identity (also might be bias because I am non binary), whereas my mother thinks of it as confusion, lack of masuline or feminine figures from early life stages.

I also finally started to understand that I, as a person, have an innate right to be me. I have a right to stim when stressed, I have a right to decide myself what helps me regulate and when I need it, and I have a right to voice my discomfort with people, situations, feelings. I have a right to be angry, upset, sensitive, sad, offended, excited, nervous. I have a right to be me. After understanding what masking means, and that I have been taught to highly mask who I am, I realised that I'm not just being sensitive, or childish, or rude even. I have been traumatised from masking, pushing myself too far. I'm burnt out from having to consider everyone else's comfort above my own; to shield my mother from stress caused by me; to respect my brother's privacy and toys and not get angry whenever he didn't towards me; to stop complaining about my bullies at school; to stop being 'boring'; to not get upset if someone overstepped boundaries; to not get so angry if my fork or spoon was dirty and I had to use something else. Sure, some of these have actually been reasonable in some cases, but for the most part, I have only been me.

The fact that I had to start this journey by myself, against literally everyone's opinion, is so stressful to think about. When I first figured out I was depressed, my mother said I was overreacting. When I realised I had social anxiety, I was told to not self diagnose. When I first suspected ADHD when I was 15, I was told, again, to stop self diagnosing online, and that the fact that I scored like 80% on multiple self tests over a prolonged period didn't matter because the internet lies and all of these things are normal. Then in 2021 I started to get spammed with autistic experiences across all platforms, I decided to ignore it all because I'm only self diagnosing and overreacting again. It didn't matter that I related to every single thing I heard, it's normal. Everybody feels this way at one point or another. ADHD is climbing walls, autism is being retarded and throwing tantrums, anxiety is isolating one self at all times, depression is just being sad. In 2018 my therapist literally said, and I quote, "Depression and anxiety are just symptoms. They're nothing to worry about, it's not dangerous," and then proceeded to advance on me. He wanted me to go, alone, to the mall at the most busy day of the week to "expose myself". This was our first session. Needless to say, by the time he wanted this to happen, I was no longer his patient. We had three sessions total.

Before getting diagnosed, I had six psychologists, two social workers, nearly twenty school nurses (yes, nurses; not visits), a handful of friends (four, to be exact) who disappeared and got replaced, one parent, a long history of physical, verbal and emotional abuse both at home and at school, from my age and adults, extremely isolated, chronically online from the ripe age of 8 (around 2010), extraordinary IQ for my age to quote my first ever nurse, nearly 50% absence each year which worsened year by year, dangerously high empathy to the point I literally attempted suicide from someone else's feelings, great grades despite no homework and constant daydreaming, abnormal sense for languages and music, not once a normal or healthy eating habit, and much more. No one ever even suspected autism. I was never the stereotypical hyper kid, so I don't necessarily blame anyone for missing ADHD.

I can understand my mom not catching on considering her level of stress, and pure lack of information, but from the insane amount of healthworkers I've been in contact with? For twenty years no one ever took me seriously. I had to have an unhealthy long list of reasons I thought I had autism, traits I related to, every psychologist I'd ever been to, why I started going to them, what we did and talked about, why we stopped, how helpful I found our sessions, and even proof of why I wasn't just traumatized. I tried to see an ADHD specialist in 2021, to which, by the way, my doctor advised me against because I can't tell anyone I suspect ADHD since no one will take me seriously. I was denied even an interview because they deducted I, literally quoting, had daddy issues. When I wrote a letter complaining about their lack of professionalism and why I meant they should at least get me an interview, they replied saying I hadn't asked for this to go to their superiors so my case was officially closed. I never tried again because I was so sick of not being taken seriously. In 2022, my doctor figured I needed more professional help. He referred me to another psychologist. They never got back to me, so the national backup plan reached out and set an interview with me where I told them about my mental health situation, my history in the field, why I was referred and what I expected from them. I was then forgotten for half a year until my school nurse at the time helped me call them back and sort things out. The next week I had my first session with a private psychiatrist. Within a month, I was diagnosed with autism, the next 7 months were mapping out my traits and symptoms as well as regularly filling out a form of ADHD based statements to see if it was just a mood or a consistant topic, in November I was diagnosed with ADHD and for the next three months we experimented with medicine. I wound up hallucinating from all of them, and by March 1st this year (2024) we were done. One year with her lead me to two long expected diagnoses, one new medication and a new outlook and perspective on my life and health. With these, I've now started the process of being permanently unemployed with benefits.

If one person, at any point in my life, didn't view me as a victim and rather a whole person, I could've avoided so much stress and unnecassary burn out. I could've already been in a much better place, but instead I'm still trying to piece together the puzzle of myself and how I can best get the help I need and proceed with my life as disabled. I have five unfinished years of upper secondary (college for y'all Americans). I could've only gone through one and been better off, but to be able to get to where I am today, I *had* to go through the dehumanizing struggles and depressive episodes. I had to be completely torn to shreds to the point I almost got diagnosed with psychosis from the permanently damaging stress from school. I had to fail five years and drop out from exhaustion and reaking of failure to have my primary doctor take me seriously. I had to have a social worker with me for him to see that all the trauma I've been through, has, in fact, settled in my body, so he could finally give me reassurance through the Fibromyalgia diagnosis in May 2022. I had to be seen as batshit crazy. I had to prove to tenfolds of professional health workers that I do think there's something not working the way society wants me to work. I had to be persistent all my life for anyone to think that maybe I do have a point. And you know the most heartbreaking fact about all of this? I'm not the oldest going through this. There are people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 80s finally being taken seriously and looked upon as human. There are well grown adults, even elders, finally understanding why they have been ostracized, dehumanized, exhausted, stressed, in pain all their lives. My mother, who turns 60 next year, only found out through me being diagnosed, that maybe she too has ADHD. This would explain so much of her struggles, both from herself and from society. The expectations put are inhumane and nearly impossible to hold up, and they keep getting worse.

To be a genZ and see older generations belittle us for speaking up and saying enough is enough is so enraging. Being called sensitive for not tolerating racist jokes, sexist remarks, priveleged behaviours, or inhumane political opinions just goes to show that humanity has failed as a species, and we *need* to change that.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talks. As a final statement, I'd like to speak on behalf of all autistics across the world with this; do not comment "is (he/she/they/it) accoustic?" if you, yourself, are not on the autism spectrum. It is so incredibly rude and disrespectful, and if you get angry whenever someone tells you so, you are the problem. Also, Asperger's is offensive. It's autism. Thank you, Goodnight.

[ender--slime]

i wanna share some thoughts i have about. some stuff i guess!!

i think the way people treat post canon, no matter which team was writing it or which version of it you’re looking at, is also similar to the way people treat. literally any other artist in this fandom. which is “your interpretation is Wrong and that means your art and morals are Bad”

which is sad to me because. we all took english classes right? we all learned about different literary lenses and different ways to interpret a piece of media. and that everyone can have different takeaways from the same thing. and they might not be equal or even the authors intent but like. that’s okay. it’s not that serious. sometimes a person is 14 or like. just cares more about Background Character than anyone else. and that’s okay!

i’ve been reading homestuck with a friend who’s never read it before- she works on the fanadventures with me and it’s simply required reading :p And she said something a lil bit ago, basically that she reads the kids as a lot older than 13. she doesn’t feel as though they are written as realistic 13 year olds- 15-16, for sure. but 13? to my friend, not so much.

and that got me thinking about the way people treat HSAU. “why’d you age them up? they were written to be 13 for a reason!” is definitely a valid critique i think, if you yourself had that interpretation of the original character writing. but if you’re my friend, who feels as though they act a bit old to be 13, aging them up probably makes a lot of sense. i think she’d really like HSAU. also because i showed her the ranma 1/2 june scene and she CRIED. on that note- “why did june come out so early?” probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to someone who enjoys post-game adult trans headcanons, but it’s simply the same thing post canon is doing. a What If. What if Egbert realizes she’s a woman at age 40? What if she realizes it at age 18? What are the different themes and interpretations that can be found in both of these headcanons? what personal experiences and interpretations of the post canon and HSBC writers can be found in PQ trans vriska? or middle aged june egbert? what personal experiences and interpretations of a certain content creator can be found in a teenaged june egbert reading ranma 1/2?

artists rip out their hearts and draw them, paint them, write them, compose them onto a canvas for Us to see. what more must they do simply to get Our approval? in this late late late stage capitalist society, must we demand that artists make art for Us? and not for themselves? are we not lucky to be surrounded by so many cakes?

i have all the drawings my partner has ever made me on display in my room. she doesn’t draw very well- but they are so special. they look about the same as an elementary schoolers art skills- like the Little Chuck E kid who visits me at work. but to me they are the most amazing pieces of art in the world!!

all the art we make has our own hearts and souls poured into it. and that’s pretty cool.

this is my tumblr exclusive opinion twitter doesn’t get to see this one shhhhhh also i am not accounting for every nuance of media literacy and analysis ofc im just yapping. so plz don’t kill me or whatever

[shroomgal]

Were we really soul tied or was it just limerence?

This is based off of my own research and experience.

About three years ago i matched with this guy on tinder. He wasn't particularly striking. White, shaggy dark brown hair, big nerdy glasses and brown eyes that caught me off guard a little. I swiped right and we matched instantaneously. We talked here and there for about two weeks, sending selfies back and forth, playing the weird game that is snapchat, which is so fucking normalized for whatever reason. (like really, why are we sending blank photos of to each other with no context or conversation ??) Anyways, two weeks in was when the situationship started. A situationship is the stage between friends with benefits and a relationship. Situationships can feel like limbo, never knowing if it will surpass where its currently at. I was drunk at a club, shaking my ass to the latest 2021 trap hits. He asks me to hookup, and I honestly just needed the validation. My friend drives me 15 minutes to his place, where I meet him in his big white range rover in the parking garage of his apartment building. From there, he tells me I'm beautiful in person. I've always had a soft spot for that word. Beautiful. I didn't hear it about myself too often. When he said it, it felt true. And genuine. We had sex.

I started talking to him daily through our snapchats, enamored by our first night together. He would come over, we would hang out, smoke, fuck, watch tv, be human. I developed a bond with him where I felt comfortable in my own skin. I felt comfortable to show him parts of my personality other people didn't normally see. The obsession grew. He took me to a smoothie shop this one time, we held hands. I thought for sure he was my next boyfriend, maybe even my last if I played my cards right. I envisioned a life with him, where I was comfortable, and happy, and me.

One day, after a month of us hanging out, he cancelled on me. Then he cancelled again. Eventually he just stopped responding to me via snapchat. I knew I was getting ghosted, but it was more heart wrenching this time. It was like he was squeezing my heart into knots, watching the blood pour out. When I found out it was because there was someone else, that hurt even more. When I saw he had superliked my best friend on tinder, thats when a part of me crumbled.

On and off these memories of us floated around in my head. This perfect thing that had suddenly vanished, and at that, he had shown interest in the person i loved and trusted the most. Knowing she was in my life. The questions danced in my head, taunting me with every blink. "How did he lose interest so quickly? Things seemed so real and normal." "Why does he want my best friend and not me?" "What am I doing wrong?" These questions and comments on myself mocked me.

I decided to try and win him back. If he wanted mentally ill and crazy, oh, I was gonna give him just that. I played the crazy obsessive ex role. Texting him and calling him, mostly just dumb pranks and me begging for him back the most unserious ways i could. Sometimes he would add me back, we would sext and he would block me again in the morning. But after a while, I met someone else, and gave up.

Thats when he stepped back in. He added me on snapchat, I ignored it. He unadded me and then added me back. I ignored him. He then proceeded to spam like my instagram photos, determined to get my attention. This was now different. He was chasing ME this time. It was tempting, especially since my relationship at the time had been sailing south. But i declined his offers, and went on with my life until,

My relationship ended. All of the sudden, I was back on the obsession train. The thought of him plagued my mind. His hair, his glasses, his voice, his eyes. Everything. The game continued, he would unblock me, we would sext, he would block me in the morning. Eventually I guess this game got old to him because suddenly my texts wouldnt deliver at all, even after a few days. I've stopped myself from reaching out since I called, not expecting a response, and he told me to move on.

Now, my question was, was i really connected to this man, or was I just led into delusion? Well, I fully believe I was a victim of BPD limerence. I do NOT think that we had any sort of soul tie at this point, despite all the angel numbers I've seen in regards to this. I think he's just a shitty guy at this point who liked my hot girl obsession. I think I unfortunately gave him exactly what he wanted, and for that i say to myself: GIRL STAND UP!!!!! In conclusion I am insane and I need to stop letting men take over my brain. At the end of the day, I am authentic. And me. And I have SO much, with or without this man in my life.

[mizkit]

new blog post: Process Post: on edit letters

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/process-post-on-edit-letters/

Process Post: on edit letters

There was a discussion going on over on Bluesky about dealing with edit letters, and this truth came up: “Editors aren’t always right about the solutions, but they’re nearly always right about the problems.”

That thread went on to discuss how the person quoting it, who happens to be KJ Charles whose books I read all of last year and who is also an editor, approaches edit letters; her approach involves suggesting ideas to fix the problems, because it opens the writer’s mind to the possiblity that the book could have something different happen in that moment, and also it gives them something to reject/bounce off/spitefully correct. Which, like: that seems very valid.

That said, I have recently watched friends get SUPER LONG, to my mind, edit letters, 70%+ of which are ideas & suggestions as how to tackle problems, and I honestly think my brain would explode. My editors have VERY MUCH been of the “this is a problem, pls fix” approach, rather than the “let us brainstorm!” approach, and I think that works for me.

Like, I’ve talked about my two worst revision requests: the short letter that said “these 6 things are wrong, pls fix,” which required forcibly inserting a plot into the book (HOUSE OF CARDS), which had previously lacked one, & the phone call which said “can you cut the hero’s POV (40% of the book!) & revise the book to make that work” (TRUTHSEEKER & subsequently WAYFINDER bc hoo boy were there knock-on effects on that one).

Neither editor had any particular suggestions on how to do either of those things; the second one literally told me it was her job to see the problems and mine to figure out how to fix them.

For HOUSE OF CARDS, tbh, I’m not sure the editor saw the “this book has no plot” problem per se, but the 6 things that didn’t work for her were things that didn’t work BECAUSE there was no plot. It was really well written and drew the reader along, but it didn’t feel quite right, and the elements she picked up on were what should have been plot points but didn’t really support anything.

The “cut the hero’s POV” was bc the book, in the editor’s opinion, fell too perfectly between romance & fantasy & would satisfy neither audience (so it would have been PERFECT for the red-hot “romantasy” subgenre right now ahahah go me 15 years ahead of the curve for once instead of 5 years behind 😵‍💫)

That book, tbh, she was like, “I will send this to the romance line if you don’t want to do this bc this is a HUGE ask, so go think about that” & I thought about it & decided to do it (one of my friends got so upset on my behalf I had to talk HER off the ledge about MY revisions 😅), BUT!

In neither case did they really offer much solution, which is my preference, BUT ALSO: they weren’t wrong.

Editors are rarely wrong, or are wrong about the thing they’ve pointed out but not about SOMETHING in that thing’s support system, so fixing THAT will fix what they actually pointed out.

If I REALLY STRONGLY with them on a point I either discuss it with them or don’t do it, but…personally I prefer the freedom of “this doesn’t work, pls fix” with minimal other editorial input. Mind you, if I need the brainstorming, then my experience has been they’ll do that, which is great!

Which is all very much “ymmv” and “this is me” and not to say that the “here’s an idea so you can reject it” isn’t a totally valid approach that clearly must work for a lot of writers. :)

(The “cut the POV” editor once also asked, about SEAMASTER, which she wasn’t editing but I was having a hard time selling, if I could age up the characters to around 16 & I said, “NO!” indignantly, because I felt that their cusp-of-teenhood ages were very important to the story. Then, as the conversation progressed and I thought about it, I sullenly said, “i GUESS i could and it’d probably be FINE, but i don’t WANT to.”

She laughed at me for about ten minutes. :))

[csaventing]

I'm fucking sick of this shit. Sick of not being taken seriously, not feeling valid, reexperiencing something that happened nearly 15 fucking years ago. I don't know why but my brain has been just replaying the physical sensation of what it was like to have a dick in my mouth and I don't know how to deal with it and I don't even feel I have the "right" to feel upset with it cos it was only COCSA and not even with an age gap. We were both 6-7, he used guilt trips and threats to make me suck his penis. I said no so many times but he wore me down. I didn't understand, but he did. Which is so fucked up because I know he was being abused. Neglect, could be argued NCCSA, I know that for sure. But possibly other stuff since the language he used and methods he deployed were so adult, no kid figures that out on their own. He had a friend watch. He did it to humiliate and bully me, as basically everyone else at that fucking school did. I remember the feeling. It comes into my mind every day for like two weeks now. In detail. Usually several times a day. For no reason. And it makes me feel sick, because I was recovering for a while. I was actually happy for a while. But I've been slowly spiralling since september 2023, I assumed I'd get better with time and effort, and now its january 2024 and its somehow worse. Even when I was still doing well, I still thought of it. I didn't re-experience it every fucking day, but now I am for no reason. And I remember the feeling of betrayal, hurt, confusion and embarrassment, feelings I can't really describe in a word. All while, I should add, my brain is also telling me my memories are fake and that either its a totally false memory (which is dumb cos I have evidence SOMETHING happened) or I remembered wrong and he totally DIDNT threaten me into it and I don't have the right to feel gross about it cos I probably just made this all up in my head. It makes me wanna be violent towards something, anything to get this frustration out. And no one really takes me seriously. Only one person, maybe two, actually understands what damage COCSA can cause. Everyone else sees it as not as bad. Everyone else says they get it, says that its a valid trauma, but their reactions to me talking about it betray their words. The way they talk to me about it, their facial expressions, their body language. I'm not sure if I'd prefer them to lie to me or be truthful.

.

[angelincris]

Open Your Lucky Doors to a Career in Digital Marketing: Your Step-by-Step Guide

In today's digital world, where online presence is a fundamental aspect of business and personal interaction, digital marketing has emerged as a dynamic and influential field. If you're intrigued by the idea of a career in digital marketing but aren't sure where to begin, this step-by-step guide is here to help.

1. Understand the Basics:

Before diving in, it's essential to grasp the fundamentals of digital marketing. Digital marketing encompasses a broad range of strategies, including content marketing, social media marketing, email marketing, SEO (search engine optimisation), and more. Take some time to familiarise yourself with these concepts.

2. Develop core skills:

Digital marketing requires a diverse skill set. You'll need to be creative, analytical, and tech-savvy. Cultivate skills in content creation, data analysis, and an understanding of digital tools and platforms.

3. Education and Training:

Consider enrolling in digital marketing courses. Many universities and online platforms offer certification programmes in digital marketing. These courses cover various aspects of the field and can provide you with valuable insights and skills.

4. Create Your Online Presence:

To understand digital marketing, it's vital to have an online presence. Start a blog, website, or social media account to gain practical experience. Experiment with different digital marketing techniques to see what works best.

5. Networking:

Build a network within the digital marketing community. Attend webinars, seminars, and conferences. Engaging with professionals in the field can provide you with industry insights and potential job opportunities.

6. Gain Practical Experience:

If you have the opportunity, work on digital marketing projects for friends, family, or small businesses. Real-world experience is invaluable and will make your resume stand out.

7. Create a Portfolio:

As you gain experience, compile a portfolio of your work. This can include blog posts, social media campaigns, or email marketing campaigns you've created. A portfolio showcases your skills and achievements to potential employers.

8. Internships:

Look for digital marketing internships. They offer hands-on experience and the chance to work with professionals in the field. Even if it's an unpaid internship, the experience you gain is incredibly valuable.

9. Job Search:

Begin your job search by looking for entry-level positions such as digital marketing assistant or social media coordinator. Tailor your resume and cover letter to highlight your relevant skills and experiences.

10. Stay updated:

Digital marketing is a rapidly evolving field. Stay updated with the latest trends, tools, and algorithms. Continuous learning is crucial for success in this industry.

11. Certifications:

Consider obtaining digital marketing certifications from well-recognised organizations. These certifications validate your expertise and can boost your career.

12. Job Interviews:

When you get interview opportunities, be prepared to discuss your practical experience and how you've achieved results using digital marketing strategies.

13. Demonstrate Results:

Once you land a job, focus on demonstrating your ability to drive results. Use analytics to measure the impact of your campaigns and show your value to your employer.

14. Specialise:

As you gain experience, you can choose to specialise in a specific area of digital marketing, such as SEO, content marketing, or social media. Specialisation can open up new career opportunities.

15. Advance Your Career:

With years of experience, you can move into more senior roles like digital marketing manager or director. These positions come with greater responsibilities and higher pay.

The journey to a career in digital marketing may seem daunting, but with the right steps and dedication, it's entirely achievable. Remember that the digital marketing landscape is ever-changing, so adaptability and continuous learning are your allies. And, if you're looking to take the next step in your digital marketing career, consider exploring ACTE Technologies' digital marketing courses. They offer comprehensive training to help you succeed in this exciting field.

In the world of digital marketing, your career path is driven by your skills, experience, and creativity. So, get started on this exciting journey and unlock the doors to a rewarding and dynamic career.

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Thranduil and Josie Part 81- Paint It Black

Summary: Halloween 6pm. Pre-party. The surprise guest is revealed as he is freed from his 7 year imprisonment. One, two, a certain warlock is coming for you Caroline. The gang meets up with Aragorn, Rumil and Orophin in the forest. Someone lurks and is caught by the highly skilled Strider. A battle almost ensues but Josie shuts it down asap. Thranduil is on the Elvenking edge from all the evil trying to devour his light. The crow speaks. Selene translates. Thranduil comes clean to his Josephine about one thing. The King and his Queen prepare for the ball. Jo catches a glimpse of someone outside her window.

A cyclone arose in the dark depths of Chateau de Lioncourt. The recharged warlock broke free of his iron prison and vanished into the dungeon halls. With a vengeful smile upon his face, the alive and well Julian went to reclaim the last 7 years of his life and his daughter, but first....he had an old score to settle and would wait for the most opportune time to do so.

Legolas, Haldir, the King and you went to find Aragorn who disappeared into the forest and find out why he was still here. You had a very strong feeling it had something to do with your dream of him and the Nazgul. You all must have walked for a good 15 minutes searching for him.

"Why would he just vanish after revealing himself to us?" you asked while you stood looking around for the lone ranger.

"To make sure the surroundings are safe." Legolas replied as he lusted over his reclaimed bow like a kid on Christmas morning.

"If you were not fondling your stick and breathing so loud, you would have noticed that he is standing right behind you." Haldir snarked.

Legolas grimaced and turned to see a smiling Aragorn whom he quickly and happily greeted.

"My gratitude knows no bounds to your loyalty of us." Haldir humbly stated.

Aragorn then turned to Haldir and offered him a hug. He and the marchwarden had become quite close after Haldir's near death experience in Rivendell in which the King and his Queen, Arwen, saved him. It was quite clear why Aragorn did not retreat when Lestat ordered them to, and why he had even offered to assist in this journey in the first place. It brought tears to your eyes.

"You are most welcome son of Orodreth."

Aragorn then turned to Thranduil and offered a head bow. "King Thranduil." Even Aragorn knew that no one touched the King unless it were you or his son.

You were taken aback for a moment as you gazed in awe at your striking husband. It was like the forest had bowed to him as well and the heavens opened up to grace him. The fading sunlight beamed down through the trees upon only him and even the snow on the ground parted, revealing a bed of green grass and flowers for him to stand upon that the wintry temperatures should have put to rest for the season. It was like looking at an angel with his almighty sword in hand. A glorious vision of an elf in his 6th millinium. A true King. This time, a tear escaped the corner of your eye.

"Your father, Arathorn, was a good man. You have also grown to be a great one." Thranduil responded with a corresponding bow.

The next to arrive were Haldir's brothers. Rumil standing at his right shoulder, and Orophin at his left. It was a sight similar to triplets as you had never met them. Haldir provided introductions for you and his kin. The two Lothlorien elves graciously bowed with kind smiles.

"Why have you come back?" Haldir then asked of Aragorn.

"Something sinister is near, other than what is in plain sight. We have camp set up at the base of the mountain near the water's edge. I highly recommend that we all leave here now before it is too late. Tragedy will fall this night."

Aragorn's words chilled you to the bone only validating what you knew was to come as well. Thranduil saw your fear and came to your side.

Aragorn suddenly snapped his eyes off into the distance. A black cloaked figure walked through the forest.

You gasped as all you thought of was your dream of seeing Stephane in one....

Aragorn took off like a bat out of hell after them.

The elves followed suit and you went after them with Thranduil at your side.

"HALT!!" Aragorn commanded. The figure stopped and stood still with their back to him as all weapons were drawn.

"Narcisse??" you whispered to the paralyzed entity.

"Remove your hood and turn...slowly. Hands where I can see them!" Aragorn ordered through his teeth.

They did as instructed in which the reveal was none other than....Selene.

"You!!" Thranduil scowled and marched towards her.

"No!!" you shouted and ran in front of him, shielding her which took both him and the vampiress by surprise.

"Get out of my way!" The Elvenking growled.

"I will not! You will not harm her. None of you will! I command it!" you stubbornly and assertively stood your ground. The way Thranduil glared at you was that of a raging bull.

"You command nothing woman! Nothing!"

Thranduil was so angry that he jolted his sword into a rock embankment that was beside him. The ear piercing sound of the metal ringing against it made you jump and squeal.

Legolas immediately placed himself in front of you as Haldir stood at your side. "If you harm her...you will have to kill me." The Prince bravely stated to his irate father.

The look in Thranduil's eyes was maddening.

"How dare you insinuate I would ever harm my wife!!! Either of you! My target is merely the blood sucking fiend that cowers behind you!"

"I cower to no one elf!!!" Selene shouted and drew her own sword.

"STOPPPP!!!!" you screamed causing your blinding shield to radiate over your husband.

The fact that you protected him and not her instantly drove the Elvenking into submission as he stared at you in remorseful reverence.

You placed your hand on his face and the other on his rapierlike hand that held the searing blade, coaxing him to lower it. "Thranduil....my love. She is on our side. I beg of you to trust me on that. I understand your anger towards her but I ask you to believe my words. And something tells me that you already know what I speak is true. Thranduil...what is going on with you?"

"Then why was she stalking about us?" he asked, completely deflecting on your question.

"I was not stalking! I was....looking out for you....ingrate! There is a bounty on your head by Josie's oh so sweet mother. You know? The same vampire we both want dibs on??"

"I second that." Haldir chimed in. It was clear that not only Thranduil was harboring something....again....but also that Haldir was. You already knew that Haldir hated Caroline, and with good reason but after the drugging incident, something more than just the pendant going missing was eating at his very soul. And when Thranduil came back from looking for her, he was not acting right either. It was like the King knew something big and he was dying to tell you but didn't know how. Your intuition was screaming at you on all of this.

"Aragorn is right. Something terrible is coming and you should all just leave now while you still can." Selene warned. She knew exactly what it was per her agreement with Lestat but she could not reveal that to you. It could jeopardize everything as you might decide to defend Caroline....and be killed in the process. The dealers give no mercy. Their mission is clear cut. To kill all who break the rules and anyone that gets in their way will also suffer the consequences. She had come to care for you and was not going to let that happen.

"Wait...what do you mean my mother has put a bounty on his head??"

"Josie...you yourself have seen the signs. You know it its true. Your dreams do not lie...mostly. Caroline wants him dead, I assure you that. If you all go now, your King will be safe." Selene vowed.

The crow's call came again from trees above. 7 times. "Tell me what it means!!!" you shouted up at him.

"I can tell you." Selene cut in. "3 caws as you know signifies death....and times 2 is 6...plus one caw for yes....totaling 7.... 2 will die here tonight."

Suddenly there was a crimson glow hovering over all of you. The castle was now lit up with blood red lights.

"And so it begins...the black crow speaks." Selene whispered. "Please do not go back in there. I beg of you all."

Thranduil could not listen to anymore. He knew what she spoke was true after what had occurred earlier. He could only hope Julian would make himself known very soon. "I have heard enough. Josephine...Tul- hi." (Come now) Off he went trapesing back to the castle of doom. You turned to Haldir with pure fright in your eyes.

He took your hand. "Jo...go. Do not worry about us. We will not be far. I will not leave you..." As much as you wanted to believe him, everyone who told you that...left. Garrett instantly came to mind. You both reluctantly let go of each other's hands and you then ran off after your King.

"Thranduil!! Tell me right now....what did my mother do to you!! What is happening!??" you shouted in demand as you slammed the chamber door shut.

"Josephine, we do not have time for this. It is time to dress for the occasion and be on our way."

"Bullshit! You know something and as usual, you are keeping it from me!!! Haldir is too! You tell me right now or I swear to god Thranduil Oropherion....I will walk out this door and leave like Selene begged us to!"

His face fell in shame and he poured a drink, then guzzled it down, but first swished it vigorously around in his mouth trying to wash out the taste of the filth. "I...I lied earlier. I did find your mother. I attempted to trick her into revealing what she had done....by taking the gem." He was lying again but he had to keep his word to Julian to protect you. He couldn't reveal what he knew just yet. Not until the warlock disclosed his presence. For he himself had not actually seen Julian's face. Thranduil was far from agitated that he hadn't done so already but knew Julian was a master of smarts and was carefully planning his next move.

"What do you mean, trick her??" Now you were extremely worried. "My god...Thranduil...you didn't....tell me you didn't..." you squeaked and held your chest.

His eyes grew wide and came right up to you. "No...No Josephine." Thranduil took your face onto his hands. "I could never! But I..." His hands dropped to his sides and his head hung low.

Now your hands went onto his face. "Baby...what happened. Tell me. I can see how distraught you are."

"First....I must apologize for earlier. I frightened you. My anger was not geared towards you. You must know I would never hurt you. And.....I was not trying to make you feel....beneath me like I have made you feel so many times. These odious malefic vampires bring out the worst in me. An elf cannot endure such adverse conditions for long. Why do you think the elves that were banished to the dark forest turned into what they did?"

"Shhhhh. I know. You wanted to stay long enough to find out the truth about my father's death. Is that what happened? I truly feel this is about more than that emerald. Thranduil...what did you say to me hours ago? You asked me if I trust you. Well now I ask the same. Do you trust me?"

"Of....course I do. More than anything or anyone."

"Then tell me the truth."

Thranduil's gut twisted because he knew he couldn't tell you everything just yet. "I....I...kissed her. She...came on to me...so I took advantage of it to get information from her."

Your hands slid down his cheeks and rested upon his chest as your heart skipped a beat. "Ok....it's....ok."

"It is.....ok?" His expression was priceless. He expected nothing less of being berated for his actions.

"Yes....The turmoil you have been in has not eluded my sight. This has truly traumatized you. I..I am so sorry you felt you needed to go to such extremes. But...why? All for that necklace? I do not understand."

Thranduil sighed heavily and walked away. "It is much more than that." He then turned back to you. "May I ask you again....do you trust me?"

Now you knew this was much bigger. He knew something else. "I...do. Always."

"Then know...it will all come to light soon and you will understand then, why I hold back. Please...let us prepare and get this night over with."

You went to kiss him and he held back on that too. "No...don't you do that. Kiss me....."

Thranduil melted at your puppy eyes and whiny tone. He kissed you hard and deep as he held your head in his large hands. He then diligently peered down into your eyes and stroked the back of his hand down your cheek. "Im mel cin na i ithil a back a haer all i elena in i aiwenor."  (I love you to the moon and back and beyond all the stars in the sky.)

"Right back at ya baby." you sweetly smiled and gave him another soft peck upon his lustrous lips.

You both rummaged through the wardrobe but Thranduil waited on seeing your choice as he wanted to match his Queen. You picked one and ran off with it into the washroom as you giggled. "No peeking." The dress you chose was all black as you felt it appropriate for the occasion. You pulled your hair back and left a long pony tail hang wishing Haldir could have braided it for you. You then held the silly mask to your face and came out. "Well? What do you think my King?"

Thranduil's jaw dropped a mile wide as he stared at your radiant beauty. He was truly speechless and it made you chuckle. "I take it you like it?'

"Like....is an understatement for the most beautiful woman I have ever seen aside from my mother. The stygian color accentuates your scarlet hair and your skin of a porcelain doll. Do not get me started on your eyes of the moon."

You knew you were blushing as you have never been complimented in such a way. You felt like a true beauty queen in that moment like you dreamed of as a child. You walked up to the gushing King and wiped his lip. "What is this? The King of the Woodland realm has a little drool coming out." you giggled.

He grinned from ear to ear. "My turn." He then went to find coordinating attire. You gazed out the window while he searched. Speaking of the moon like he mentioned...it was full with a reddened sky, and quite windy.

You were just getting ready to turn around when you caught sight of something flash across the moon.

You yelped and jumped back. "My love? What is it??" Thranduil exclaimed as he came over to you....half naked. Once you saw that, you thought nothing more.

"Oooo la la my love. You better get dressed soon or we will be late due to me ravaging you."

Thranduil was very turned on by your playfulness. "Something makes me want to become very confused on what to choose and stand bare backed before you while I decide."

"Oh you wouldn't!"

"Oh but I would."

You threw a strawberry at his bare ass cheek that he flaunted to you. He whipped around and caught it with his impressive agility. "Get dressed my King."

He grinned, seductively ate the fruit, then walked off to the washroom with his choice of attire while bearing all of his frontal self to you.

"Tease!!" you shouted and laughed.

Your attention went back to the window wondering what you saw. Was it Selene swooping by to check on you? Oh god, you hoped she didn't catch an eyeful of your king, you thought...and then lightly chuckled.

15 minutes later, Thranduil walked out and took every breath in you away. His earlier vision in the forest was already breathtaking, but this....you had no words. His platinum locks laid finely straight over his chest and back with the top succulently slicked back. The ebony satin suit fit perfectly under the matching velvet cape with a pattern of gold draping down to his knee high black leather boots. He did not sport a mask though. The King was definitely a fan of dress up but concealing his face was not one of them. One might think it was his ego but you knew better. It was because he has worn an invisible mask for thousands of years concealing his scars from the dragon fire.

Tears came to your eyes as you noticed the only rings he wore was his moonstone and wedding ring. You had none of yours, including your moonstone necklace. It was somewhere in his halls after he had found it on the beach when he thought you had drowned and your rings he had never had the chance to give back to you after he took them from you in Rivendell when he had lost his memory.

"My love, is this not suitable?"

"Oh god Thranduil no...it is perfect. You...are perfect. I...." You held your hand with your other and stared at it. "My rings...I just...miss wearing them. And my necklace."

"They are safe in our chambers back in Mirkwood. I promise you, you will wear them as soon as we return home. Besides...We do not need jewels to signify our love, for it burns brighter than all of them combined."

Now you were crying. "I love you so much."

Thranduil cradled you against him. "Not near as much as I love you my Queen. Enough tears. We will be home soon and all will be well again. Let us go now."

"Ok..." you sniffled with a smile. "Let me just grab my mask." You went to the vanity by the window and as you picked it up....there was Garrett standing down below with teary regretful eyes and a smile. The reformed vamp then sped away once you saw him.........

@redeemer46

Masterlist

[klodizzle]

100 tips from my mom who passed away two years ago

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. You are good enough.

5. You have to love yourself before expecting others love.

6. A man does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel beautiful.

9. Love the world unconditionally. It's one of the only things that will remain after you. Be kind to it and leave as small a carbon footprint as possible.

10. The partners we choose are additions to our lives. They do not 'belong' to you, nor you to them. You are two separate people who chose to come together. It should always remain a choice.

11. Don't be high maintenance.

12. Wear sunscreen. Every day.

13. People love you because of how you make them feel about themselves.- When someone feels good in your presence they're going to want to spend more time there.

14. Don't judge others- it's not your job.

15. Walk with your head up and look people in the face when communicating.

16. Be honest and loyal.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. You're beautiful with and WITHOUT make-up.

19. Learn from your mistakes. And mine.

20. Dental hygiene is not an option.

21. Your GPA is not a confession of your character.

22. There is strength in breaking down.

23. You don’t have to like yoga.

24. You have a voice for a reason- use it.

25. Take care of your feet. And your teeth.

26. The most important part of being beautiful is feeling beautiful. Do and wear whatever makes you feel beautiful, regardless of fads.

27. Lead by example.

28. Classy is a relative term.

29. Dance- Even if you can't. Don't be afraid of what others think. You'll have so much more fun if you aren't.

30. Learn to say no and mean it.

31. Be the fruit loop in a world of Cheerios. Stand out. Like what you like. Don't adapt to who others are. You are unique and there's nothing more beautiful than confidence.

32. Teach. In every way possible. Explain things, offer your experience and listen to others that do. Never forget that your ideas are much more valuable when paired with the experiences of others. Individually, we only know so much...

33. Learn to laugh at yourself.

34. Give back. Volunteer, teach, read, donate. It feels so much better to give than to receive.

35. A woman is a woman is a woman- Don't compare yourself to others. That also goes for men...

36. Take something from everyone that crosses your path. Note the thinks that you like or dislike about them and implement or remove those traits from yourself.

37. Cry, uninhibited.

38. Laugh until you can’t breathe.

39. Keep others secrets.

40. Eat soul food- often.

41. There is no shame in hoping for love. Don't be too desperate to find it. It can't be forced or rushed.

42. Play. You're only as old as you feel. Run through the sprinklers, chase down the ice cream truck and swing at the park every chance you get.

43. Do not take sex lightly.

44. I mean it.

45. Anna Karenina. I’d like it if you read it.

46. The world spins on the principle of inherent tragedy. Life isn't fair. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be.

47. Be independent. Don't rely solely on someone else, financially, emotionally or otherwise. Always make sure that you are in a situation because you want to be. You have the right to change your mind as many times as you wish.

48. Put time aside for yourself. You will be a better partner and parent because of it.

49. Carbohydrates are not the enemy. Neither is your body.

50. Involve yourself in an organized activity of your choosing. Especially if it's something unfamiliar that terrifies you.

51. Listen to classical music-occasionally. Country music-often.

52. Sing in the shower. And car.

54. You are more than capable. Anything worth having requires hard work. If it comes too easy, it probably is.

55. Self reflect. Be accountable.

56. Don’t smile if you don’t mean it.

57. Mean your anger. Mean your sadness. Mean your pain. Don't play games with yours or others emotions.

58. I am always, always listening.

59. Bad associations spoil good habits.

60. Be silly.

61. Don't fear failure. It's how we learn. The only true failure is not trying in the first place. Everything else is just experience.

62. Be the best person you can be. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching, regardless of benefit to yourself.

63. Come home smelly, tired, smiling and with a good story.

64. Your story isn’t really yours. Share it.

65. The most valuable thing that we have to offer others is our time. It's precious, don't waste it. Spend it wisely and appreciate it when it's given.

66. Well-fitting and modest is ALWAYS sexier than too small and tight.

67. The ugliest thing in this world is discrimination. Who are we to decide who someone else should love, what color skin they should have or what birth control options they should choose. Never, ever make someone feel inferior because of their differences.

68. Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to. The only validation you need is your own. On the other hand, don't be afraid to ask the questions you don't.

69. If you hurt, let yourself hurt. If you want to cry, cry. Everyone deals with life differently. Just remember, that it is no one else's responsibility to heal you. Although, some will try, it's not possible. You have to take the steps to heal yourself. Be open to it. It can't happen unless you're ready.

70. Humility and subservience are not synonyms.

71. Wash your face twice per day.

72. Be gentle to your body. It's the only one you have. It will carry you and frustrate you all at the same time, but just like life, what you put in to it will be proportionate to what you get out of it.

73. Science is really cool. So is literature. And history. And math.

74. People can and do change. Only, if and when they want to.

75. There is no substitute for fresh air or the calmness of water.

76. There is no shame in asking for help.

77. Despite the saying, love is not unconditional, it really is... You can't treat people poorly and expect them to stay. They won't. Nor should you. We get what we give.

78. Carry your weight. Do your best. That's all you have and as long as you put all the effort you have in to something, even if it doesn't work out, you will be able to walk away from it with no regret.

79. If you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always gotten. Change, although scary, can be wonderful.

80. That salad is not better than pasta and it never will be. Period.

81. You’re fooling no one. Nor should you try. Be yourself in every situation.

82. Find at least three green vegetables you can tolerate.

83. A smoothie is not a meal. Neither is ramen.

84. Expect the best from everyone and regardless of how many have wronged you in the past, trust everyone fully until they give you a reason not to.

85. Leave your baggage at the door. If you can't, you're in the wrong place. Go home and finish your work. Nobody deserves to pay for someone else's mistakes.

86. Take time off. Travel. Make memories. Never get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life. No one ever looked back and wished they had worked more. Life is about people, not material things.

87. There is a certain kind of man ( and woman) you need to avoid at all costs. It'll take awhile to recognize him/her, but once you do, never go against your instincts.

88. Be kind. Always- To yourself and others.

89. What other people say is right isn't always what's right for you. Go with your instincts and do what's best for you. You're the only one lying your head down on your pillow at night and the only one responsible for the choices you make.

90. Find something that makes you incredibly happy and never stop doing it.

91. Give thoughtful gifts. Never money or gift cards. Take the time to make someone feel special.

92. Form an opinion. Make sure it's based on fact rather than emotion. Don't be afraid to change it based on experience. Remain as open- minded as possible. You'll miss out on so much if you're not.

93. "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer. Especially in regard to feelings. If you truly don't know, take the time to reflect and find out.

94. Read as many books as possible. It's a wonderful thing to step out of reality and in to a book.

95. Argue with people when you need to. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Never let anyone bully you in to silence.

If it’s worth fighting for, fight fiercely.

96. Don't ever miss an opportunity to learn. Use every vehicle available to do so. Knowledge is power.

97. Don’t fight for acceptance. You can't please everyone, regardless of how hard you try.

98. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone how you feel. You never know when it is the last time you will see them,

99. Take pictures. Our memories sometimes fail us, our bodies change and we age. Pictures are timeless.

100. I'm proud of you. I love you and I will ALWAYS be here for you.

~Mom