#14 MORE HOURS UNTIL I CAN. HAVE THEM. ON MY ACCOUNT

[hawberries]

Lately, Officer Lowell and consultant Jane Doe seem to have been spending a lot of time together!

[clustxr]

hi y'all. i know i don't make a lot of original posts here. however, on may 31st, i watched as my friends and peers were brutalized at the hands of cops from departments across california.

edit 6/12/24: students for justice in palestine at uc santa cruz has published a press release. it is easily the best way to understand what happened that night. please take a few minutes to read it.

uc santa cruz police made a statewide call for mutual aid in order to disband the gaza solidarity encampment located at the main entrance of the campus - initially established at the quarry in the center of campus on may 1, it moved to the entrance on may 20 in solidarity with the UAW strike. on tuesday, may 28, protesters barricaded the main entrance, cutting off the primary way of getting on campus; though the western entrance to UCSC was left unblocked (except for a few hours on tuesday), the main entrance remained obstructed until the raid began late on thursday night. this road blockage is what admin cited as the reason for the raid, along with "campus safety" and "academic freedom".

it's important to note that prior to blocking the road, students had been encamped for 28 days, and had been holding peaceful, law-abiding rallies since october. nothing worked. months of following the guidelines that admin had set, and of course student voices were dismissed and ignored by chancellor cynthia larive and cpevc lori kletzer (the latter of whom, by the way, showed up at 6 am "walking her dog" and smiled while watching her students get suffocated and beaten). the escalation would never have happened if student demands had been met at the very beginning.

hundreds of cops in riot gear from as far out as uc davis showed up to abuse students. over 115 arrests were made, including 3 ucsc professors, transported off by buses that were fifteen years past their intended end-of-use date and had also been servicing the campus prior. is this "campus safety"? is this "academic freedom"?

from just before midnight until approximately 9am on friday, cops kettled, suffocated, shoved, yanked, beat, and bruised students. one got a battery charge for writhing and bumping a cop after another slammed him in the head with a baton. another had a bag placed over their head, leading to suffocation, vomiting, and loss of consciousness. at least two protesters were confirmed to go to the ER that morning; many more have had to seek medical attention for lasting injuries.

arrestees were given a 14-day campus ban, including those who live on-campus (functionally evicting them & preventing access to their belongings), not to mention subjected to horrifyingly inhumane conditions:

you can find more information on various instagram accounts such as ucscsjp, ucscdivest, fjpucsc, ucsc_encampment, & jawsucsc. there's plenty of other organizations and people posting about this, too. please, don't let ucsc brush this under the rug. demand amnesty for the arrestees and protesters. contact any ucsc admin you can find. the uc has been utilizing police brutality to repress student voices across their institution, with ucla and uc irvine also being victims of this violence. do not let them get away with it.

free palestine, from the river to the sea. if seeing this violence sickens you, remember that this is not even a fraction of what the people of palestine have been enduring for decades. we will not let the university silence us, no matter what.

[mars-ipan]

HEY FOLKS!

sooooo. remember when i was posting about being up way too late for a powerpoint thing i was doing with friends? yeah i'm posting that final powerpoint now.

allow me to introduce you all to...

THE KOMAHINA BIBLE

(aka a demonstration in unmedicated ADHD)

120 slides. 163 MB. somewhere between 14 and 22 hours of work. sleep deprivation. influence from @anonzentimes , respected komahina scholar. this bad baby has it all this is a powerpoint presentation summarizing and analyzing just about everything you need to know about komahina in sdr2 (and a bit from adjacent media as well). we go in-depth and we prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that komahina real and love wins (loses?)

WARNING: THIS CONTAINS MAJOR END-GAME SPOILERS FOR SDR2 (AS WELL AS DR1). IF YOU WISH TO REMAIN SPOILER-FREE (OR YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP SPOILER FREE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)) THEN DO NOT VIEW THIS POWERPOINT PRESENTATION UNTIL YOU KNOW. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU HAVING BEEN SPOILED

ok cool! some other things to keep in mind under the cut:

THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED. IF YOU DO NOT SHIP KOMAHINA THAT'S LITERALLY SO FINE I KNOW THERE IS KOMAEDA SEXUALITY DISCOURSE GOING ON RN FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON KNOW THAT I DO NOT THINK EVERYONE HAS TO SHIP KOMAHINA PLEASE I'M LITERALLY A MULTISHIPPER PLEASE. PLEASE DO NOT CRUCIFY ME FOR FUNNY YAOI POWERPOINT

i made this powerpoint in two sittings across 2 days, each sitting about 8-12 hours long

i got about 7 total hours of sleep in that time. not for each day- total. i was mad scientist delirious by the end of this

originally, i wanted to include far more- i wanted to analyze other media in depth (like the stageplays, the drama CD, komaeda's official songs, and even official art and materials) but i did not have the time for it. maybe i will make a new testament powerpoint detailing these as well as fandom analysis but that is not currently in the works

this is a presentation! as such the intended way to consume it is As A Presentation! unfortunately i am not someone who records videos so i cannot present it to you. if you would like to present it to you feel free. if you would like to present it to your friends feel free. if you would like to present it to the internet i'm honored but would like for you to talk to me about it first. cool

the original target audience for this was my friends and not all of them are anime people so. i am using the more english-friendly terms (as well as first names). i don't think this will bug any of you but i'm making it clear anyways

all art included in the presentation is credited with a caption linking back directly to the original artist's account. if you see your art in here and you do not want your art in here: let me know! i will take it down immediately and without question.

i may have missed some details/glossed over some things! if you think i've made a mistake somewhere or have missed something important, talk to me about it! i'd love to discuss it and if i make the new testament sequel powerpoint then i will include your corrections at the beginning :)

a lot of the jokes i make happen in the transitions of this powerpoint. some of them use audio- click on the little speaker icon to play the audio and time the animations yourself i suppose. i'd recommend playing it as a slideshow ^-^

have any questions about a particular point i make? ask me! i will elaborate for you

ok that's all i can think of!! have fun folks :]

[rimouskis]

could you explain more about what you view as the before era and what you view as the after? i need to learn my herstory

I think this requires a more detailed and educated/researched answer than I can give after an exhausting workday and an after-hours work event, but I'm going to do my best and also open up the floor in reblogs for people to chip in their thoughts

foremost: a DISCLAIMER that this post does not aim to shit on writers from the "before" era. there are many classic fics that I love and enjoy, even if I consider their characterizations to be "less accurate"* than the ones we have in the after era.

*aside to say: accuracy is based only off of literal media accounts we have of these men; we do not know them, we should not claim to know them, and they have had different comfort levels with the media knowing selective truths about their lives [sid out of choice, geno out of media xenophobia] than they did when these early fics were being written.

"before" fics (which I tend to refer to as "classic" fics, and had their heyday in 2012-2013 but continued up until 2016ish) tended to have more regimented roles for sid and geno. sid was usually the protagonist; geno was the love interest.

this came with a cascading set of characteristics assigned to each guy. sid was poor-little-meow-meow'd. geno was the pursuer in the relationship. sid usually bottomed. sid had the whole spacetoaster moment (he was the inspiration for the term, haha). there wasn't much a/b/o fic but sid was, like, the omega-fied one and geno was alpha-ized.

something I've been thinking about more recently is how 2012-2013 era sidgeno displayed signs of Migratory Slash Fandom. I don't think of MSF as an inherently negative/condemning thing, but I think it's a phenomenon that deserves to be mentioned/analyzed, yeah?

MSF thrives on big character differences.... like, grumpy/sunshine, sarcastic/broody, genius/empath. it's all about emphasizing disparate archetypes to create natural tension in a story. this works really well in most romance novels! I love it!

the issues arise when people try to make characters fit into these preset dynamics. and, frankly, when sidgeno first got big, we straight-up didn't know as much about sid and geno. I mean that. despite sid being EXTENSIVELY covered by media from age, like, 14, he was really tight-lipped compared to what we have now.

and geno was.... there. I don't mean that as a diss—he was INCREDIBLE, but the media totally passed him over again and again. or they helped contribute to stereotypes of him being a dumb oaf who didn't know english.

aside: ironically I think that helped in creating sidgeno and not, like.... sidflower or sidtanger. geno was so "DIFFERENT" from sid (aka: russian, characterized by media as not knowing how to speak [in comparison to sid's highly curated media soundbites]) that it meant he was the best candidate for A Ship with sid.

a lot of the really big writers who got into sidgeno were fandom veterans with lots of experience in other big fandoms. to me, that means MSF had a hand in all this. and we should be grateful, because it led to the BOOM of hockey fic, and of sidgeno fic specifically. modern hrpf wouldn't exist without it.

that being said, those template ship dynamics, plus the media's attitude then towards sid and geno in its coverage, led to those characterizations of whiny soft sensitive boy sid who needed to be rescued even though he was the best hockey player EVER, and geno as the lumbering tall strong alpha not-that-bright Love Interest Man.

this isn't to say every fic was this way, or that this is BAD. I, uh, love poor-little-meow-meow-ing sid and omegafying the hell out of him. what I'm saying is that it was a near-ubiquitous characterization across the board.

that all changed in 2016-2018. I personally wholly credit sevenfists, though I imagine it's more nuanced than that, but: my blog, I make the rules here. I don't know if sevenfists was psychic or just highly observant and absolutely excellent at reading people (and that's basically the same thing, right?), but characterization shifts began taking place in fic....

and the coolest thing happened, in that those characterizations were seemingly reinforced by more media coverage. the back to back cups brought with them TONS of interviews with and media about the team, and sid and geno in particular. the coolest part of it was that sid had loosened up a LOT and geno had gotten more comfortable (and had gotten a reporter firmly on his side).

the interviews about sid post 2016 were just SO different. so much information started coming out, and a LOT of it conflicted with Ye Olde Characterizations. as it turned out, sid was deeply one of the boys. he was funny. everyone liked him. he loved hosting. he was insanely comfortable around almost everyone, including strangers, because he's a little freak who's kind to everyone. he can make smalltalk like no one's business. he's kind of gross. he likes to giggle and be in on jokes and get into the thick of it. he isn't some blushing virgin bride sold off of mario's doorstep, yeah?

and geno, too, was finally getting the coverage he deserved. and his personality was both fortified by age and better shown to us through media. as it turns out, he isn't some happy go lucky oaf. he's mercurial and intensely aware of what others think of him (and he CARES). he's sensitive and thoughtful but also can lash out at random times. he has a wicked sense of humor that he uses as a defense mechanism and as a surefire way to get people to like him, which matters to him. and, as everyone says, he is SMART.

if you had to boil it down, I'd say that post-2016, it became clear that SID is the confident one and GENO is the insecure one. and fic caught onto that with a miraculously fast pace. also: they're more alike than they are different, but I still think romance inherently feeds off of difference and tension, so we still exaggerate things to make the stories ✨WORK✨.

I'm not going to give examples of pre- and post- era fics, because I don't want to point any fingers and say someone was doing characterization "wrong." that's not the takeaway I want anyone to have here.

fandom attitudes have changed. it's been 10 years since that first wave of fics, and while I don't think that's very long, it's a hell of a long time on the internet, and in a niche internet community. what was once the standard for fics (and what was well-read, and what people gravitated towards) was different. not worse—different.

I think it's fair to say the "after" era of fics is more "accurate" to what we know of sid and geno. it's also fair to say that this is only the case because we have a WEALTH of information, character-revealing interviews and videos and anecdotes, that Ye Old Authors could only dream of getting.

I really love the story of how everything has changed, and it's a fabulous microcosm of fandom evolution and how approaches to fanworks have changed and grown with fandom, and I think it's all so so cool.

[indig0trolls]

TEENSY TINIES - TEENIE GREENIES

As promised, the second of the Big [COLOR] Batches! THESE ARE 18$ USD EACH!

TOS and Purchase Links Under cut! I will not be updating these to reflect their sold status, you’ll just have to check the link. They’ll show as sold out if they’re sold out, I do NOT do holds on these!

REMINDER. FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS, YOU MAY NOT PURCHASE MORE THAN 2 DESIGNS TOTAL. That includes for yourself AND others. Other people may not buy you designs to gift to you if you’re buying for yourself either!! Time posting: 10/14/24 at 10:30 PM EDT. You can come back for more if you want tomorrow (10/15) after 10:30PM EDT!

TOS

By purchasing you will be agreeing to follow these terms as follows. PLEASE make sure you read them in full to understand them.

In the interest of fairness, given how fast these go sometimes: FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS, YOU MAY NOT PURCHASE MORE THAN 2 DESIGNS TOTAL.That includes for yourself AND others. Other people may not buy you designs to gift to you if you’re buying for yourself either!! Time posting: Time posting: 10/14/24 at 10:30PM EDT. You can come back for more if you want tomorrow!

You MAY change the design/species of any design i’ve made after youve bought it, but you must leave credit with INDIG0TEA for the design, and the design itself must be recognizable.

Gender/sex/etc is ultimately up to the buyer.

You may NOTresell the design for more than you paid for it, unless it comes with extra art either made by you (listed for your current or historical  commission rates), or commissioned by you. Gift art/free art does not count towards the value of any design I make, ever. Additionally: You may not ever ask for, recieve, or offer full resale plus non-currency add ons (such as, but not limited to: art, characters, merchandise, games, game currency, etc.). Yes, even if the offer as couched as “free art/commission/character”. Partial resale may be negotiated only for designs whose original buying price was 30 or more dollars USD, and split dollar amount may be for no less than 2/3 of the list price to prevent people trying to workaround this TOS to encourage other people to accept their offers. (For example: Partial resale on a 30$ design may be a maximum of 20$ partial + non-currency add on.) This is to prevent overoffering/artificially inflating resale value. I am willing to make exceptions to this clause, but you will have to speak to me directly to ensure my TOS is being respected.

If the design is gifted/traded at any point, all financial value up to that point is lost and it may not be resold until further art is made/commissioned for it.

You may not include my designs in resale bundles. Period.

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You MAY use your design for any other purpose, so long as you are not profiting financially off of my work nor passing it off as your own.

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However, you may not reupload to toyhou.se, to keep the ownership log intact, and to keep the original tos consistent.

For my personal comfort, you may not delete original listings from toyhou.se and resell it separately. This is again to keep the ownership log intact, and to keep the original tos consistent. If the person you wish to resell it to does not have a toyhou.se, I have plenty of invite codes I can give out as necessary.

Please credit to INDIG0TEA the first time you post art of them to websites other than toyhou.se 

Violation  of many of these terms will result in permanent blacklisting/banning  from buying or owning designs by me in the future.

BLACKLIST

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[L3 Link]

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[O1 Link]

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[J1 Link]

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[weclassybouquetfun]

Tonight is the penultimate episode of series two of AMC+'s INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE.

Well, this isn't ominous at all.

Impressed that months later content from the S2 premiere is still being rolled out.

ALL THE SPOILERS FOR Episode 14 / S2E07

It's fine. It's all fine.

If you've read the books (not me) or have seen the movie (me) or just possess the ability to read between the lines, then you knew this day was coming: The death of Claudia de Pointe du Lac de Lioncourt and her companion Madeleine.

Finally, someone chose Claudia.

They actually made a playbill. The nastiest of nasty work.

There is still a lot to be open to interpretation in regards to motivations and the truthiness of various accounts. Maybe we will get answers in the next episode (how much of a willing participant was Lestat in these deliberations? How accurate was Louis' new recollection of begging Lestat to turn Claudia despite Lestat's warnings?) and maybe we won't (at any time have we seen the real Lestat?)

What I do know is that this cast acts their collective bums off.

What I also know?

They will never make me hate you, maître. You've done nothing wrong, ever.

Even though you leveled your coven with one word, I am sure you could not stop them from putting your lover, his sister-daughter and her companion on trial and subsequent execution.

He was helpless to do anything, you just don't understand!!

Armand was able to control everyone's speech and compel them to say "banishment" and just heaves a sigh of relief for the trouble. Meanwhile, Lestat was wan and bleeding from one ear after mind controlling a room of soldiers.

I still stand by you, Armand. I'm just saying...

-I am inclined to believe Lestat's deviations. You can tell what are Sam's words and what aren't by how Santiago responds and also just how true to form they seem from a character standpoint. I could be very wrong, but I can believe Louis threatened to cut Lestat's head off.

This is Louis who threatened his brother with a knife (which turned Lestat's eye to him in the first place). This is a man who lobbed a veiled threat at Grace during their mother's funeral (and you know it's true because that was from Claudia's diary). Louis was furious in that moment so why would he be expected to hold his tongue and not scrap? As he told Lestat, "You start it, you finish it."

Louis castigated Lestat for choking their daughter. I'm not going to remind him what he did to her when she begged him to let her burn Lestat.

So many people last season were raging because their "Brat Prince" was depicted as a domestic abuser and were sure this season would absolve him. But while we get a fuller picture of the fight, Lestat still did what he did. To me it just adds more clarity on why he stayed away for so long.

The biggest question for me this episode was how long did they workshop Lestat's side? Did the coven plunder his mind or did Lestat readily give them information (they knew about the words "come to me", the killing of the priests, the church kiss, Louis' depression and the house being a shambles. We even see on the projection the raccoon that was roaming their house)?

No matter how they found out the Louis/Lestat details, Lestat is not fully a willing participant in my mind. This man was over it from the jump.

Also, he's stubbled and one thing Lestat de Lioncourt is going to do is be well groomed so those theatre nerds have had him locked away until showtime.

They summoned Lestat while he was drinking his chickory coffee and eating beignets. Classless.

Dreamstat in Dubai feels so wrong.

Spoiler filled interview with Delainey, Roxanne and Jacob after episode 14/7.

Interview with Sam.

[study-with-aura]

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Today went very well. I am glad that I was able to catch up on my posts during my break earlier. I am now eating my evening snack, and then I will get ready for bed before spending a bit of time with my parents until it is time for sleep.

I am not quite sure if I am a fan of statistics quite yet seeing as conditional probability took me a little longer to understand, but I do think I finally figured it out so it made sense in my brain. On the other hand, the book that I am almost done with is so good. They mentioned the father of taxonomy, who I only recently studied in Biology. Yes, I forgot his name, but it isn't important as he did a terrible thing by assigning value to a person based on their race and said that there were four races, and technically even five, and then he assigned them an order and why they were in that particular order. Apparently, that was one of the ideas behind race realism which is pseudoscience at best in which geneticists even say there is no actual scientific backing for despite how it is often displayed. Although, I am finding this out from this book, with what I know in general, I trust it. Sometimes non-fiction can be difficult to read, but when it's written like this, and because I like history, I don't want to put the book down. It's strange that I somewhat remember hearing about some of the events mentioned in the book, but I can't recall it perfectly. I was only 7 then!

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - Learned about conditional probability + practice + learned to check for independence with conditional probabilities + practice + honors work

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Unit 23 vocabulary + read chapters 54-55 of Emma by Jane Austen and finished the novel + took quiz on Emma (12/10)

Spanish 2 - Copied and studied clothing vocabulary

Bible I - Read 1 Samuel 13-14:1-15

World History - Learned about Anne Frank + read some of Anne Frank's writings + learned about Nazi ideology

Biology with Lab - Completed virtual mystery "lab" story (14/15)

Foundations - Read more on thoroughness + took next quiz on Read Theory + read steps of Monroe's "Motivated Sequence" + read about the psychology of persuasion

Piano - 60-minute piano lesson + practiced for one hour

Khan Academy - Built into coursework

CLEP - None today

Streaming - Watched Greatest Events of World War II in Color episode 3

Duolingo - Studied for 15 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 323-376 of Accountable: The True Story of a Racist Social Media Account and the Teenagers Whose Lives It Changed by Dashka Slater

Chores - Laundry

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (2 Corinthians 6)

Ballet

Pointe

Journal/Mindfulness

-

What I’m Grateful for Today:

I am grateful that my piano teacher was very proud of me today for having three of my pieces fully memorized and almost a fourth!

Quote of the Day:

Without music, life would be a blank to me.

-Emma, Jane Austen

🎧10 Pieces from Romeo and Juliet, Op. 75 - Sergei Prokofiev

[vi-enti]

school’s over so back on the fanfic grind (a grind i have not openly shared on the internet since like. 2018), unsure if this is an idea to continue but i am thinking so hard... about the difficulties of the healing process. really gotta purge that poison

. . .

“Hello, this is… Hajime Hinata. The date is… I have no idea what the date is. It’s been 14 days, 9 hours, 47 minutes and 24 seconds since we woke up from the Neo World Program.”

“…I don’t know why I said it like that. It’s been about two weeks.” 

“Uhh… I’m not sure what to say here, really. Naegi—Makoto, that is—told me this would be a good way to get my thoughts down. That way if there’s anything I forget, or anything I want everyone to know after… Well, I don’t think I can really forget anything. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could.”

“Sorry there are so many quiet gaps. I’m trying to think about what I want to say... I guess I’ll start with the facts, and we can go from there. I was the first person to wake up, and then Sonia. Kazuichi took a few hours longer, he was so… his limbs were so scarred. I could barely tell the healthy tissue apart from all of the burns and cuts. When he got out, he just kept screaming and crying, he just kept—“

“Akane was next, but she was barely a shell, too weak, so Makoto put her back under for a few more days before waking her up. She wasn’t in the pod though, we—they moved her to a hospital bed in a different room. This facility really has everything. You wouldn’t believe the scale of the medical equipment, Tsumiki would love it—“

“Basically, Akane woke up a week after Kazuichi, technically, and then we put her into a medical coma for a while. We as in… I didn’t do that. I mean, I did, but it didn’t feel like me.”

“Actually, I never feel like… me. I don’t know who me is supposed to be now. I’m still him—I mean, I’m still me—but I’m not me— fuck, this doesn’t make any fucking sense, I just can’t— Sonia, don’t touch me—“

“…”

“…I want my mom. I don’t remember the last time I wanted my mom. I don’t even… remember my mom, anymore.”

“…Patient 5, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko. We plan to wake him from his induced medical coma today, following complications from his enucleation operation directly after awakening from pod sleep. There was an infection at the area of operation and I deemed it too dangerous to continue until it was cleared. Naegi had some objections, but his background is not medical, and does not always need to be taken into account. Patient 4 will simply have to wait.”

“He still has the damn thing.”

“…they all do.”

“Alter Ego, end recording.” Hajime slumped back against his chair, bringing a hand up to push his hair back. It was a newly acquired habit, one always accompanied by the feeling of missing something, like there wasn’t enough hair to run through his fingers. He hated it. Hated thinking that it wasn’t newly acquired at all, that whoever he was in the past few years did it all the time. 

That hadn’t gone nearly as well as he’d liked. These voice diaries were supposed to be records so they could explain things easier to the others once they all woke up, something to jog their memories. Privately, he was sure that Makoto had asked him to make them more for his own sake, as if they’d help somehow with all of the different thoughts running through his brain all of the time. If he spoke them out loud, then somehow they’d disappear. It was the compromise they’d settled on after Hajime had refused to attend Future Foundation-provided therapy. Most of the time they turned out exactly like this, not suitable for anyone’s ears except his own. 

Makoto was an idiot. Talking about it wasn’t going to stop the constant streams of thought in his brain, analyzing every thing and every action around him, picking apart the movements of his friends and their slight changes in tone, detecting every potential threat and every potential weapon for killing someone—fuck.

He was so tired of dreaming up all the ways people could die. His rare moments of sleep were already haunted by spears and giant Tetris blocks, by fire and poison and terrified faces. He didn’t need more deaths on his mind, constant echoes of terrors of his own creation. 

Sitting up properly, he stretched his arms out before standing up to examine his half of the room. At least two people kept watch in the pod room at all times, waiting for anyone to wake up next and making sure nobody died. It reminded him of the hospital in the simulation, someone always watching over Akane and Ibuki and—

An alarm beeped and Sonia, on the other end of the room, startled awake in her own chair. She had stayed on that side after Hajime shoved her away earlier, eventually drifting to sleep by Gundham’s pod. It was the one she stared at the most, blue eyes alight with grief and fury, even if she wouldn’t admit it. She was better off than Hajime, at least. One of his eyes stayed empty. Makoto had warned him that she shouldn’t be allowed to spend so much time with Gundham, but he could never bring himself to pull her away. Clearing his throat, he waited for the former princess to look up towards him. 

“Shift change. You should go sleep in an actual bed, I can wait for Kazuichi and Makoto if you want to go on ahead.” She shook her head, fingers trailing over the glass coffin holding the Ultimate Breeder. 

“No, that’s alright. You’ve been here long enough, you need to rest before Fuyuhiko. It’s only a few more hours away. Besides, I…” Sonia trailed off, gaze shifting to the pod next to Gundham’s, covered with a sheet. Everyone had to be checked on, but there was just one person Hajime couldn’t stand to see. The only person in the room that caused his dead eye to come to life. 

He couldn’t identify the emotion, but it had to be hate. It had to be, right?

At least he knew he wouldn’t be judged for it. Everyone had someone they couldn’t look at in this room, couldn’t face directly. Hajime was just the only one weak enough to require a sheet covering the pod. The only one who couldn’t be controlled if he had a fit of anger, or worse—one of despair. 

Swallowing back bile, he nodded, making a quick exit from the room to the quarters right next door. A large room had been set up with beds and necessities for them, the six that were here and constantly switching out. Kyoko had suggested separate rooms, but after multiple nights of Kazuichi sneaking into his room or Sonia screaming in her sleep from across the hall, Hajime had fought for them to all be together. Makoto, almost with a child-like excitement, had insisted that he, Kyoko, and Aoi stay there too. 

The lucky student in question had been sitting on the floor cross-legged when he walked in, laptop resting on a knee while he glared down at the screen. A glare from Makoto wasn’t usually all that effective, but whatever he was seeing seemed to be genuinely pissing him off. If Hajime had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have bothered disturbing the younger. Still, someone had to go fill in for him with Sonia until Kazuichi took over for her. The mechanic was nowhere to be seen—probably sitting at Akane’s bedside, as usual. Tapping Makoto gently on the shoulder, Hajime waited for him to look up from the email he had been so focused on. 

“Oh, you’re back! Has it been six hours already? I didn’t even notice.” It wasn’t a long time to spend watching the pods, but Aoi had insisted. They had three pairs switching out, and she didn’t want anyone spending more time in the pod room than they did outside of it, in the fresh air and the real world—or so she said. Hajime was sure it had more to do with her growing concern for the five of them, Kyoko and Makoto included. While they hadn’t been in the program nearly as long, they still seemed just a bit too pale to her. As for himself, Sonia, and Kazuichi… Aoi had never known them before, but worried nonetheless about irreparable damage. 

“Yes, I’m back. Will you find Kazuichi and tag Sonia out? She’s just finishing check-ups.” The shorter nodded, shutting his laptop and standing from his seat on the floor. “Everything alright?”

“It’s just Byakuya, he’s facing some problems bringing the medical equipment we need over to the island. The Future Foundation doesn’t see the need to care for some of the pre-existing conditions your class has, they’re just barely allotting enough supplies for taking care of the… last bits of Junko. It’s like you aren’t even humans to them, they just have no empathy!” Makoto rubbed his temples, forcing a weak smile onto his face. It hadn’t escaped Hajime that the bright-eyed boy that they had met in the final trial and the tired man before him right now seemed so far apart from each other. Because of us—because of me. 

“We aren’t human to them.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. “But we are to you. You’re the best of them, Makoto. I know you’ll work things out.” The younger’s smile twisted, not exactly happy, and he nodded in response. 

“Right. The Ultimate Hope, that’s me. I have to be able to fix this.” Hajime raised an eyebrow, not meaning that at all, but Makoto was already walking out of the room to take over watch duties. That had gone… stunningly bad. Whatever part of his soul had been able to produce hope for the others in the Neo World Program had been hiding, his mind and body too used to the actions and words of another. Another who had no idea how to give someone hope for the future, much less comfort someone just the slightest bit. All Hajime seemed to be good at these days was making things worse. 

A warmth squeezed around his hand, like someone urging him to stop thinking, and he yanked it away from—from nothing. There was nobody there. He just needed to get some rest before Fuyuhiko’s surgery today. 

Two beds remained empty, waiting for their last members. Akane was awake, but still too weak to leave her hospital bed, and Fuyuhiko would join them today. Hopefully. Sitting on his own perfectly made bed, he wondered if all of the remnants would end up sharing a room for the rest of time. The three of them awake so far had their nightmares, some worse than others, and it was impossible to imagine the rest being able to sleep easy after all that had happened. It was too easy to imagine everyone around the room, as if their spaces were already there waiting for them. Glancing around, Hajime could imagine each and every one of them smiling at him, if he could just bring them all back, if he could just wake them up. 

A flash of pink and white hair danced at the corner of his eyes, a gentle smile and a false one, and he slammed his head down on the bed, covering his vision with a pillow. Sleep now, hypotheticals later. Hypotheticals that could never, ever be reality anyways. It was dangerous to get lost in thoughts of a happy ending. 

He didn’t deserve an ending just yet. There was too much to fix. 

[sans-guy]

For Bitty Advice anon:

The care and keeping of bitties is a bit more like rabbits than like hamsters or gerbils: They're social creatures, like us, and they like company. They do better when they're included in part of your family instead of relegated to a specific section of the living area. That being said, they do like having their own dedicated space for privacy to retreat to if they get overwhelmed!

It's like having a tiny roommate who's sort of also your dependent.

Personally I lean towards the larger AUs so I feel more confident handling them because the tiny ones make me so nervous when people talk about a 2 inch skeleton sharing their bed (my guy tops out at 14 inches, and a lot of 1:3 scale doll furniture/novelty seasonal decor furniture fits him just fine), but they do have a range so you want to take into account what kind of space you have for them and how much time you're willing to dedicate to carrying them around and whether or not you're the kind of person who's going to get one of those chest wraps everyone's putting their cat in on tiktok to tote a small skeleton around while you're doing chores. If you're rescuing it can be a gamble who your personality is going to click with, so you may want to start with an all-purpose beanbag/repurposed squishmallow until you know what scale you're working with.

And you can't skimp on the entertainment! Don't just give them your phone and turn them into ipad monsters! They like puzzles, and crafts, and books, and if they MUST be home alone for long periods or they're just not feeling the other options, you can even get little desktop video game arcade consoles like pac man or even a DDR machine that works just like the big version for not too much. ~20-30 bucks for hours of entertainment.

“Basic” Sansies are great for first time keepers, since they’re mostly content to cuddle and snooze and are okay with being left alone for long periods like work hours. Papyrus-types will tell you they’re also okay being left alone but they get anxious and lonely more easily and just won’t cop to it out of fear of losing your approval. Papyrus-types (LilBros and other swap variants not included) tend to be high energy and high stimulation, and can be picky eaters from what I hear. They can be a bit fussy about their surroundings and like their spaces to be clean, but they’re lovely companions if you have the time and energy to dedicate to them. I have never witnessed less-conditional love than a Papyrus-type for their caretaker, regardless of skill level or number of mistakes made. That being said, I don’t personally recommend them solo for beginners on account of the fact that they may not speak up if they’re unhappy for fear of losing your approval and begin to deteriorate without notice. If you're a beginner caretaker and absolutely MUST have a Papyrus-type, please also include a Sansy-type with him. Sansies can act as mediator and translator when it comes to anxious Papyrus-types getting what they need.

Sorry this got long! I only meant to drop a note or two and I got off on a tangent. Regardless! Good luck with the adoption and I hope you find someone that suits your current situation!

excellent, fantastic advice anon. but what bitty type do you have that is 14 inches tall

[non-binarypal7]

15 people, 15 questions (on the 15th! 😄)

Thank you very much for tagging me in this game @xagan @theflagscene @visualtaehyun @telomeke ❣️ I loved learning about y’all 🥰

1) Are you named after anyone?

My middle name was given to me in honor of my great-grandmother (one of her children was also named after her and kept that name her whole life, so I don’t feel bad about the fact that I’m changing both my first and middle names legally 😁) (even if no one else had been named after her there still wouldn’t be any reason for me to feel bad about changing my name to better suit me) 😁😁😁

2) Last time you cried?

A couple days ago in the lead up to a traumatic experience that I won’t go into but on the whole I don’t mind crying!

3) Do you have kids?

No, and I don’t plan on passing on my genes, but I can see myself potentially raising a kid in the distant future. There’s a very good chance that I’ll never be a parent, and I’m extremely fine with that. I think the ideal parenthood situation involves people who are adamantly certain in their desire to be parents (and who are prepared to respect the autonomy and complete personhood of their children) I have lots of other thoughts on parenthood, but I’m veering away from the question 😄

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

My primary sports are tennis and basketball and I really miss playing them. I played them frequently growing up and now it’s been quite a while since I played either, though the last time I played basketball was almost a year ago and it was a satisfyingly homoerotic experience and I played well under pressure, so at least I have that to sustain me until the next time I can play

5) Do you use sarcasm?

I do, but pretty infrequently, and generally only with people who I’m confident will understand and not be confused or hurt by it

6) What’s the first thing you notice about people?

If it’s an in-person meeting, probably their height, mannerisms, accent, facial expressions if I can see their face; if it’s a text-based meeting, probably their writing/spelling/grammar/punctuation style, use of emojis and/or emoticons, etc. + degree of formality for both in-person and online meetings

7) What’s your eye color?

My eyes are a bit of a kaleidoscope of colors, but the most dominant color is green

8) Scary movies or happy ending?

I don’t watch many scary movies, but I can enjoy a scary movie with a (relative to the plot) happy ending, like The Blue Hour directed by P’Nuchy Anucha Boonyawatana 😄 The Blue Hour isn’t extremely scary, but I’ll take any opportunity to encourage people to watch that film 😁

9) Any talents?

I love to sing ☺️

10) Where were you born?

U.S.

11) What are your hobbies?

Writing (predominately fan fiction and poetry, I’d like to journal and write poetry more often), engaging with Thai media, and learning languages (Spanish, Thai, and Japanese are my primary target languages) are currently my main hobbies

12) Do you have any pets?

Yes 🥰 Luna is a wonderful doggy whom I love very much

13) How tall are you?

163.83 cm (5 feet 4 and a half inches)

14) Favorite subject in school?

Ecology

15) Dream job?

I feel capable of being fulfilled in numerous fields - ideally I’d like to help contribute towards environmental activism and sustainable practices, as well as regulations to hold companies accountable for their environmental and socioeconomic impacts

Tagging @dropthedemiurge @thepancakelady @7nessasaryevils @ablazenqueen @fairlylokai @ullvide @topcatnikki @fandork @springkitten @arisprite @wereflamingo @gaym3bo1 @ragingbyesexual @rares-posts @kornswasianguyswag

[nevertheless-moving]

I posted 162 times in 2022

66 posts created (41%)

96 posts reblogged (59%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nevertheless-moving

@phoenixyfriend

@willowcrowned

@lullabyknell

@twinterrors29

I tagged 139 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#star wars - 68 posts

#murderbot - 21 posts

#nevertheless meta - 17 posts

#my au - 13 posts

#kenobi spoilers - 12 posts

#kenobi - 11 posts

#murderbot diaries - 11 posts

#tbobf - 10 posts

#stone soup - 9 posts

#ask - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#if you ever feel like singing or danceing or drawing or any of the things you really truly dont have to be good at them for it to be fun

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

1,026 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

#4

today we celebrate Esther for being nasty hot and sleeping with the right dude. thank u for risking your sugar daddy and also your life. from the bottom of my heart, you fucking rock. now, please join me in doing a shot in her honor.

1,178 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#3

sorry not sorry but murderbot dropping ‘i was going to kill all humans until i saw sanctuary moon and then i decided i’d rather watch that instead’ on the sanctuary moon team like a space future atom bomb is exquisite.

assistant sound director going home like ‘yeah your other son might be a doctor but guess who stopped a mass murder?’ a couple lead actors developing even worse diva/god complexes than they already had. the insane stress on the production team ‘if we don’t get the next season out when we promised it might snap and kill thousands of innocent people. it probably won’t. but it might.’ the overwhelming preening desire to work it into ad campaigns, acceptance speeches, casual brunches, etc, balanced out by marketing weeping ‘people do not like SecUnits! we can NOT advertise ourselves as the preferred serial for serial killers!’ crossed with that one extremely paranoid dude in accounting going ‘shutupshutup it can and will hear you and it can and will find you and it can and will kill you stoptalkingaboutit.’ the studio allocating a 5% budget increase for next season instead of the planned 5% budget decrease just—just in case. the odd relief the secondary love interest’s actor feels: ‘well when the robot revolution comes i’ll be one of the last to die’. the odd nervousness the primary antagonist actress feels: ‘it knows this is fiction right? it’s not mad at me, right?’ One of the writers who had been increasingly phoning it in over the last few years suddenly quitting drinking and turning their life around because their work has meaning dammit their work has MEANING.

1,898 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#2

alright so people learn to express themselves through observation, right? it’s one of the reasons facial expressions and perception there of vary country to country, why people might end up more expressive/stoic depending on your parents/guardians pattern of behavior. and murderbot didn’t acculturate itself watching people around it, it hates watching real people. murderbot developed it’s sense of self watching soap operas. tens of thousands of hours of soap operas. We already know it’s face is painfully easy to read, and while murderbot attributes it to not having practice controlling it’s expression without the benefit of armor:

Then she added, “You know, you can stay here in the crew area if you want. Would you like that?” They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I’m out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.  Mensah sat up, startled. She said hurriedly, “Or not, you know, whatever you like.”  I said, “I need to check the perimeter,” and managed to turn and leave the crew area in a totally normal way and not like I was fleeing from a bunch of giant hostiles.

I would argue that it’s not just lack of practice being neutral—due to it’s particular set of formative experiences, it’s default facial expressions are, in human terms, almost absurdly overexaggerarated. That look of horror is the same one the sanctuary moon terraforming supervisor had when she discovered her twin sister was sleeping with her second husband, and they were both planning on framing her for the death of the colony representative.

2,308 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

There is — god I don’t know how to put this — there is something profound and tragic and senseless in the fact that the disappointment I feel in JK Rowling so closely mirrors the disappointment Harry and the rest of us felt for his role models. Dumbledore saved the world, Dumbledore was manipulative. Snape was cruel, Snape protected Harry. The Marauders bullied, the Marauders loved. 

Rowling’s failure of empathy and the hurt she’s inflicting cuts so deep because I feel immense, inescapable love for the world she gave us all. How can I still love what comes from someone hateful? How can I stop? If I continue to sing praises of her art does that make me hateful?

Stories are important, especially the stories we’re told as children. They shape our character, they form the framework of how we understand the world, they do. And Harry Potter was the story, it can not be understated, and those of you who feel the same don’t need me to explain. And now when I lean on that to understand this sorrow I’m left with a recursive sort of remorse.

It’s a very raw and painful feeling.

3,052 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sunriseverse]

@vaynglories replied to your post “10, 14, 16, 17 for the writing q's!”:

I AM ASKING NOW. TELL ME ABOUT THE USES OF "BAD WRITING" (if you want to) (also hardcore agree on the first person thing. so many oft-hated-upon devices can be used to good effect, it's all about the manner in which they're used!)

​okay sorry to only get to this [checks timestamp] twelve hours later BUT i have so so many feelings about this so thank you for encouraging me.

for this post, i'll be talking about the generally hated styles/types of writing, the ones that people always so to NEVER DO, that i can remember off the top of my head. (if i miss one that you want to hear about, let me know!!! i love talking about this subject.) i'll list them off very quickly so you have a general idea what i'm talking about: second person pov, first person pov, "excessive" italicisation, stream-of-consciousness, lack of dialogue tags, grammatical errors, repetition, "overly" detailed/purple prose, and omission of information.

(this got long, oops. sticking it below the cut for readability.)

as a brief preface, i'll say this: i think that a lot of these things are hard to pull off in a way that works. it takes a lot of experience, skill, and understanding of both the medium you're working with, and what each of these things conveys. but so often i see people warning authors away from them entirely, which is, in my opinion, shortsighted at best, and stunting of creativity at worst. now i'll give an explanation for each of these, and how i've used them/how i think they can be used effectively.

second person pov: this is arguably the most "intimate" pov, because you're making the reader an implicit party to the narrative, moreso than usual. that doesn't mean the narrator is the reader, though! second person pov can also help to create, paradoxically, a distance from the actual narrator. you can see this in the harrow the ninth novel, for one example, and in another, i've used second person a couple times in my recent works; here's an example of it:

You didn’t bother trying to answer. You knew well enough that the best option in the battlefield of pain was silence. They, you thought, perhaps, were waiting for you to make a sound; to groan, or grunt, or moan, or wail. They forgot you were as Zhang as they were. This was not a smugness; this was a fact you knew as well as the length of your fingers had been burnt into you.

here, the second person pov blurs the lines between the reader's experience, and xiaoge's experience, but does not make the reader the narrator; not that that would be a bad thing, but in this case, that's not what i was going for; you can tell who the narrator is based on details that are given. the second person pov also makes the narration feel more factual—it is being experienced rather than being observed.

first person pov: very common in YA novels, but adult novels have first person povs as well! you just don't hear about them as much. i would say first person pov is one of the harder things on this list, because it can be hard to characterise the narrator without making them feel too much like a self insert/audience insert. that said, first person pov is a great way to convey mystery, suspense, and have an unreliable narrator! to keep with giving examples, the main dmbj novels are told in first person form; they, therefore, are necessarily filtered through what wu xie deems important, and as you go further along, it becomes clear that someones—maybe even often—he's bending the truth, giving a very biased account, or just straight out lying or forgetting things, not to mention that, necessarily, there are things he just doesn't know that you don't learn about until either a. someone else states them upfront, or b. npss writes a third person pov novel that mentions the fact. some other novels with first person povs: the tiger's daughter, the employees, the murderbot diaries. the first two are epistolary, and the second two have mystery elements; in both cases, the first person pov has a specific purpose, which it fulfils well.

"excessive" italicisation: this is a complaint i've heard less often, but i have heard it, so it's going on the list. oftentimes people tell you to reserve italics for special occasions, not much unlike the way older generations would have told you to restrict your exclamation mark usage. it's a matter of stylistic preference, i'll be blunt, and carries with it a lot of implication that are culturally specific. for example, if you're writing in chinese, you necessarily cannot italicise—but i digress. italicisation is good for drawing special, specific emphasis to things; i've used it in my writing to indicate altered mental states before, as i have personal experience with my mental state being altered by psychiatric episodes that cause me to give undue attention to seemingly "trivial" things, changed my speech patterns, etc. from a very old pacific rim fic, where the narrating character is still suffering under the effects of being possessed and having his mental state altered by it:

This time, the guards don’t protest as Hermann dismisses them—a quick jerk of his head and they’re gone. “They gave me thicker socks this time,” Newt says conversationally, part of him wanting to shift from foot to foot, but he remains still.

as you can see, the italicisation gives the dialogue a strange, almost jarring, artificial quality. it's as if it's being read off by an autogenerated voice, rather than a human—which, considering the fic touches upon the experience of humanity, is fitting.

stream-of-consciousness: not a very common thing, but in my opinion, good for showing altered mental states—be it due to extreme fear or stress, mental health issues, or tense situations. i've used this a couple times, in a sha hai fic where li cu is experiencing a sudden realisation of what, exactly, is sharing his body with him, and the conflicting thoughts between him and the parasite, and i've also used it in sunrise more recently, describing xiaoge's experience hiveside, in a place that cannot properly be comprehended by the human mind:

The stone scrapes against the wall. Li Cu breathes, and blinks, and you are not alone in this body the other has noticed you the other must not be allowed to Li Cu wants to run wants to drown himself until the sensation leaves the panicked sparrow in his chest the body will listen to you and you will return to It because that is the only way this can end one foot before the other move slowly move steadily don’t harm this body it is all you have until It do not let the other do as it wishes Li Cu wants to yell wants to scream Li Cu wants to flee Li Cu is a rabbit in a snare Li Cu is a deer’s neck snapping beneat the force of a tiger’s jaws Li Cu is a sparrow Li Cu is a mouse Li Cu is fucking done no he is not fucking letting this thing do whatever it wants with the body is no longer listening the other has grown too strong a flameburst a flash of fangs the other has noticed the other should have been excised Li Cu is not fucking letting this be his end Li Cu is not fucking dying down here Li Cu is not, Li Cu is not, fingers clumsy on the zippers, fumbling as they shift through the contents, tubes and papers and they’re heavy on the hands they fit so nicely isn’t it strange it’s never been thought of before that excision isn’t always cutting isn’t it strange that excision can be burning too that you can cauterise an infection can cauterise an interloper can cauterise

and

in this place in this space he will have no moment to breathe no moment to blink no moment to slow in this place he will have no self no other only IT and ALL ELSE because that will be the truth of IT that it will see not in terms of differentiation but in SELF and OTHER and he will be OTHER and he will fight it better than anything or anyone before because he will be the only one who has the memory of before the only one who won’t corrupt at its touch though it will burn though it will sing and oh it will be blinding oh it will be vibrant oh it will paint the hollow of his mind in beautiful beautiful colours no other will be able to comprehend in this moment he will for a second become not OTHER but rather IT become not OTHER but SELF and it will be this that he fights mostly this that he battles the longest SUBSUMATION INTO THE WHOLE that he dances away from will be the CONSUMPTION that he holds the walls against firm will be this that he will try and summon the memories of THEM and this that will succeed but not for yet not for now NOT JUST QUITE NO NOW IS NOW IS NOW IS NOW IS

lack of dialogue tags: as long as you know what you're doing, it's actually not that hard to make it clear who's speaking even if you're not using dialogue tags. i haven't seen this in a published novel, but i've both used and seen it before in character study-type fics, and in remembered conversations, where the focus is less on a conversation happening, and more on the experience of the conversation. it also, in my opinion, tends to add a surreal atmosphere to the section it's being used in—more like an image than text. there is, of course, also the lack of dialogue tags in speech when talking about telepathic communication, but i don't think that that's usually what's being talked about when it comes to this.

grammatical errors: while annoying when made because an author doesn't know better, in the hands of an experienced writer, these can be very effective at conveying altered mental states, giving a sense of foreboding or surrealism, or for characters that aren't human or for some reason have no experience or memory of being human. i forgot to add this to the list, but grammatical errors also blend a bit with formatting errors—formatting is a great way to build a certain atmosphere, be that ascetic, horror, etc.

repetition: can be annoying, but has genuine applications! if there's a truth that a character holds particularly firmly, that might show up in repetitive narration. on top of this, if there's something particularly strange, eye-catching, or an overwhelming emotion or experience, this can also show up in repetition. repetition pressed closer together can give the sense of a stifling, claustrophobic atmosphere, or that a character is experiencing something overwhelming, and spread out, it can be used to establish themes and characterisation.

"overly" detailed/purple prose: i am a purple prose defender until the day i die. just because some people who don't know what they're doing make purple prose a slog doesn't mean that it's inherently bad. prose that's "excessively detailed" can be a good way to establish character—they may pay particular attention to detail due to, for example, constantly needing to be aware of their surroundings for safety or political reasons, etc—, and a good way to establish dynamics between characters, convey emotion, and give the world of the writing a more "realistic", vibrant feel to it. i especially appreciate detailed prose for its ability to convey emotion—as someone who's a character writer, i rely a lot on the prose to convey the character's emotions, and thus, characterise them, and carry the narrative.

omission of information: sometimes the narrator won't tell you things and that is not only okay, but also good! it can be a great way to characterise a character—what do they focus on? what do they avoid? what does this say about them? are they omitting these things only from those around them, only the reader, or both? how does the reader's perspective change if/when they find out what's been omitted? in my opinion, a lot of great usages of omission come from them being only omitted in one or two ways—as in, there are hints as to the omission, that the reader could have pieced together, but they trusted the narrator, or just didn't notice them because they were paying more attention to what was being said directly rather than what was being alluded to by the other characters. omission is similar, in my opinion, to plot twists—it works best when the reader had enough tools to figure it out, but for whatever reason, didn't.

okay that's the end of my very long rant. i hope this makes sense!!! and if there's things i missed let me know and i'll talk about them :)

[maddiebiscuits]

i don't know how to phrase this any other way so i hope you don't find this rude or anything: you are (imo) a very skilled, very prolific art toaster. it's great quality artwork obviously, but your turnaround is wicked crazy fast to me. what does burnout look like for you? how do you manage to toast so many arts? what dark magics must you employ??

The hard truth is I worked in journalism for two years between 2010-2012 and customer service/hospitality starting at 16 years old in 2007 all throughout my life until 2022 and I don't want to go back to any of it now that I'm almost 33 - that's the main motivator to keep my freelance gig career doing art commissions going as long as possible. Fear and loathing of going back to that work environment keeps me focused.

In action...I'm not quite sure if I ever experience 'burn out'? I do experience art 'block' in that I can't think of anything to draw on my own or feel really unsatisfied with my work...so I just goof off with my canvas or do studies, but this doesn't interfere with doing commissions where I am told what to draw.

I just enjoy the physical act of drawing. Sometimes when I'm bored and restless and going for a walk doesn't help, I just draw more. When I was a kid I would just come home from school and draw crap between playing Gameboy/N64/Gamecube or browsing Elfwood/Newgrounds/DeviantART/Gaia Online, so it's literally just a habit now. If I don't draw for a long time I feel anxious and unwell. Somehow I just programmed my brain to think that art = leisure fun time, even if it's for work. I also tend to get into a "zone" sometimes and just put on video essays or music and a few hours later I'll have worked through some commission stuff.

I have three 'task lists' for my workflow:

A public trello board organized by work order types (N/SFW link)

A personal trello board organized by type/date in chronological order

A coloured tagging and folder system in my emails where I can just see the actual dates/timestamps of my last correspondence with a client so I know exactly who in my taskboard needs to be prioritized for their next WIP update

I hold myself to a standard of sending a client a WIP in stages:

rough draft (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

line art (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

final render (1-14 business days)

tweaks (1-2 business days)

So ideally, the client gets a finished commission in 3-6 weeks, so about 1-2 months. For larger projects I send more WIPs and the process is obviously longer. For simpler stuff like chibis, it's rarely a full six weeks. Over holidays I add an extra two weeks to my noted turn-around to account for IRL time off. On all my terms of service I have a maximum four months turn-around, essentially doubling the time I know my work flow is just in case there's some sort of medical or equipment emergency in my life that I need to account for that gives me a buffer (I also notify all clients)

Monday to Friday I wake up usually...late morning/early afternoon? I do anywhere from four to eight hours of artwork, broken up by walks, stretching, eating, cleaning, cooking, hanging out with my partner, etc. I look at my personal trello taskboard and emails to see what must be done and what can wait. I try to get at least 1-2 things done in a day though, be that sketches/line art/renders/revisions.

Right now I am looking at my email and task board, and the client with the highest wait time chronologically is someone who is waiting for their final render (sketch and line art already revised and done for them). Last email correspondence with them on the email says 9 days ago (so 7 business days, I'm supposed to take Sat-Sun off). Their order was paid in full and confirmed by me on November 9 and it is currently December 13, so I'm at about the 5 week mark (not accounting for delays in clients getting back to me of course) and I am very much On Course for my work load, no one has been without contact from me for 14 days or more so I'm pretty ahead of my game right now! I could take tomorrow off if I wanted, or only do 3-4 hours of work if I feel like it.

However the more work you finish and post, the more you show prospective clients your ability to finish orders and show your audience more art for engagement, so ideally I always like posting stuff when I can, it just creates a cycle of positive production and income.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I was listening to some real people comedians (as in, local comedians whom I have met in real life, and can therefore not be considered to have in any way “made it” in comedy, because if they had then they would not be hanging out around me) talk the other day, and they were discussing the concept of “laughs per minute”, and whether it’s a bullshit way to judge comedy. Which I think it usually is, depending on the context. In a really short club set, it probably does matter a lot because you don’t have time to do more than that. In a Stewart Lee Edinburgh hour, he can go 35 minutes setting something up and everyone will just trust that the punchline at the end will be worth it.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the concept, and how I judge comedy in lots of different ways, and what has made me laugh the most – both in terms of most laughs per minute and hardest laughs overall – is not exactly the same as my favourite comedy shows ever. But anything that manages any kind of notable laughs per minute rating is impressive, because lots of shows I really like never clear that bar. If we define a “laugh” as something outwardly expressed and audible, more than just a smile and a nose exhale, then it doesn’t actually happen all that often. I’ll consider a show very successful if it gets me to do that just a few times across an hour.

So I’ve tried to think of what comedy shows have successfully gotten more than that, have made me properly laugh out loud really consistently for their entire runtime (whether that’s an hour or 15 minutes, though obviously it’s more impressive if they can sustain it for longer). If I’m thinking about this across my whole life, I have to take into account the fact that everything’s funnier when you’re a kid, you haven’t already seen every obvious joke so nothing is hack or overdone. I remember the shows I was into as a kid (ages 7 to 14 or so, I think) as the funniest things in the entire world, I used to watch every episode over and over and over. The main ones on rotation being Flying Circus, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Mr. Bean, Ripping Yarns, Yes Minister, M*A*S*H, and Cheers.

Now, at 33, I can understand why it’s annoying to have the parrot sketch memorized – because it’s been quoted so often than at this point repeating it is almost like, for example, trying to sell someone something that's long dead and nailed to a perch. At nine, I could recite every word in it, over and over for hours, and it never stopped being funny. As an adult, I’m still pretty sure Blackadder was a work of genius, but I don’t think I’ll ever again find anything as funny as I found Hugh Laurie’s acting power stance when I was eleven years old. I used to wake up at 5:30 AM to watch a few episodes of whatever show I was re-watching at the moment (my list of shows on rotation was heavily determined by what was in my parents’ DVD boxset collection), until I could mouth along to all the lines but they never got less funny.

I did re-watch every episode of all those British shows in 2020 (so everything but M*A*S*H and Cheers, though I’ve rewatched a few episodes of both those recently as well) to see how they held up, and while they didn’t make me cry with laughter the way I did as a kid, I still thought almost all of them were very good. And by “almost all of them”, I mean… look, I think Mr. Bean is just meant to be a kids’ show. I loved it when I first watched it, because that shit’s hilarious when you’re a kid. As an adult, it looked like a kid’s show with a few genuinely funny moments. The turkey on the head is still funny. Playing with the toy Daleks in the Christmas store is still funny. My family still watches the Christmas special every year on that holiday. The rest of it we can probably leave behind.

Anyway, the point is that you can’t count that because I was a kid. Then I think of my favourite comedy shows that I got into as a teenager. Major ones to come to mind are The Thick of It, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Community, Arrested Development, Flight of the Conchords, Freaks and Geeks. My favourite comedy shows of my twenties: Bojack Horseman, Veep, Archer, Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Good Place, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Portlandia, Broad City, Party Down, Bob’s Burgers. I supposed I should add a mention of my mixed and up-and-down longterm relationship with South Park.

I remember a lot of things I’ve loved about those shows besides pure laughs per minute – the characters, the ideas, the atmosphere. I’d go back to certain shows over and over just because I liked the way it made me feel to spend time in the world they created. But for pure, really hard, out-loud laughs? Looking at that list, I think the ones to get the most of those out of me were The Thick of It, Veep, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and maybe when they were at their best, Portlandia, Archer, and Community could do it. But not all the time. There isn’t really that long a list of comedies that have consistently made me laugh really hard once I wasn’t a kid anymore.

Anyway, that isn’t actually what I was thinking about that made me decide to write this post. The conversation I heard from local comedians, about laughs per minute, made me think of what has done that to me in my thirties, the few years since COVID occurred and I decided to not do anything except British comedy. I have seen and heard and read so much comedy in the last few years, and I have really really loved quite a lot of it. So I was surprised when I realized that I think, if you judge it entirely by out-loud laughs per minute, there aren’t a huge number that come to mind as consistently providing a high rate of those.

In terms of full-length stand-up hours, I think there might still be no one who’s gotten more proper laughs per minute out of me than Rhod Gilbert. All four of his DVD shows are incredible – I think I’d say the first one (The Award Winning Mince Pie) is my favourite, though I might just have a soft spot for the first one I saw, when I first had my eyes opened to that captivating style.

I hesitate a little to comment on his health from the perspective of how much I love his comedy specials, because I don’t want to make something as serious as a person’s life or death about whether I’ll get to hear more comedy specials (I feel the same way about Mark Steel’s current situation – I did make a post a while ago in which I said he has to recover for the sake of Radio Four, but obviously, he has to recover for the sake of himself and his family, even his annoying son, I wish them all the best and it’s not about the comedy fans). But for everyone’s sake, mainly his, God am I ever glad he’s back and by all accounts okay. He’s said he was diagnosed with cancer the day after he recorded his latest special, and you can really tell in that video that he was being slowed down and struggled to match his usual frantic energy levels, but it was still brilliant.

Anyway, I think Rhod Gilbert still wins at laughs per minute from me in stand-up. Proper laughter. Laughing so hard I can’t breathe and have to pause the video so I don’t miss the next bit and end up with tears in my eyes and my throat and stomach hurt. I think Rhod Gilbert has done that to me the most. I’ve tried to think of whose stand-up material might do that to me the second most, and I’m slightly annoyed that I think the main two names that come to mind are Sam Campbell and Nish Kumar. Slightly annoyed because when I look at those two names alongside Rhod Gilbert… okay, is it possible that I might just like being shouted at?

I’m now trying to think of a non-shouty comic who’s done that to me. Kitson, obviously. I think my favourite stand-up hour ever is Daniel Kitson’s Where Once Was Wonder, which is fucking incredible for its ability to get every single aspect right. Brilliant on an emotional level, hitting multiple themes and topics that all have deep emotional resonance and saying original and significant things about them. Brilliant on an intellectual level – every time I listen to it I marvel at the number of layers in its structure, how its conceit of being full of contradictions is embedded in almost every line, how I catch more each time and he points lots of them out but throws even more away. And crucially, brilliant on a humour level. It is consistently, all the way through, hilarious. He probably never goes ten minutes without at least one bit that makes my whole body seize up from laughter until I can’t breathe right.

But honestly, most of the Kitson things that have gotten the highest laugh per minute out of me were not the intricately written shows. I wince at how much he would hate this, but probably, at laughs per minute from me, some of his 2007-2008 Graveyard Triple R radio shows beat some of his best proper stand-up shows. Same with some of his WIP/pre-WIP just messing around shows. There’s some audio footage of a 2007 Late ‘n’ Live night where Daniel Kitson and Andy Zaltzman do an incredibly stupid sketch that has put tears of laughter in my eyes. If you want to know what level of humour we're talking about, that sketch contains the line "That was three ladies booing my dick because it chose the wrong member of We Are Klang to fuck" (which it did, by the way, by which I mean Andy Zaltzman chose wrong while portraying the role of Daniel Kitson's penis, but not for the reasons that this Greg Davies-fancying website would expect, if you'd heard the Triple R shows with Steve Hall you'd understand. He then went on to choose the wrong member of Pappy's Fun Club, what does Andy Zaltzman know about the most attractive members of the most successful British fringe comedy sketch groups of 2007?). It's definitely not better than properly written Kitson shows, or Zaltzman shows, for that matter. But it might have made me laugh out loud more times.

I think It’s the Fireworks Talking is one of the best pieces of performance ever written, but recordings I’ve heard of that have probably made me laugh fewer times than a recording I’ve heard from the Melbourne Festival of when he finished performing It’s the Fireworks Talking and then went into a radio studio to talk shit with David and Claudia O’Doherty all night. Or than the Zaltzman/Kitson penis sketch, put together with everything else from that Late 'n' Live recording.

I know I’m not saying anything new here; I’m hardly the first person to point out that Daniel Kitson is absolutely fucking hilarious when he’s messing around with no script. Lots of people have pointed it out before me, and he has clearly heard those people point it out, as he’s often mentioned that it annoys him, and understandably so. What’s the point of working so hard on proper shows if people just like your unplanned stuff better?

But I don’t think I actually like that stuff better. I don’t think his radio shows are better than It’s the Fireworks Talking (I sort of don’t think penicillin is better than It’s the Fireworks Talking). And this is where I come back to the fact that laughs per minute are not the best way to judge a show (I’d like to clarify at this point that It’s the Fireworks Talking did have quite a high laughs per minute rate out of me, just not as high as Kitson and some O’Doherties getting weirdly competitive about indie music at 3 AM).

Anyway. I think Sam Campbell recently became the first person to make me laugh so hard that I had tears in my eyes, from hearing something that was performed in 2023. He did that with some of his recent stand-up. On Taskmaster he has, more than once, made me laugh loud enough to cause a cat to run across the room (I’m currently catsitting and one of the cats gets easily spooked by sudden noise, so whether I make her jump is a good gauge of whether something’s made me laugh out loud). But only his stand-up has actually made me cry.

I’ve been lucky enough to get to hear quite a bit of recent stand-up in the last couple of months. I’ve really liked a lot of it, but I’m now trying to think of how much of it has actually made me consistently laugh out loud, which is several steps beyond just being funny. I think the only people who’ve done that are Sam Campbell, Olga Koch, Nish Kumar, Greg Larsen, Sarah Keyworth, and Fern Brady. Which actually isn’t that short a list, but it’s a shorter list than the list of comedians I’ve enjoyed at all in the last couple of months.

Anyway, I didn’t start writing this post because of stand-up. I started writing this post because of a conversation I heard some comedians have the other day, but I started thinking of that conversation, and decided I wanted to write a post about that conversation, because I was re-watching some No More Jockeys today. And fucking hell, I have to say, this is supporting the theory that laughs per minute can come so much from unscripted shows that it could justifiably make comedians despair as they wonder what the point is of honing their craft. I’ve listened to a bunch of Tim Key’s properly written stuff in the last few days (went on a bit of a binge of his radio show and some of his old stand-up), absolutely loved it, it’s intelligent and funny and very well written stuff, but it still didn’t make me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does. Almost nothing makes me laugh out loud quite as hard as No More Jockeys does.

I tried to think of some non-stand-up thing that makes me laugh as hard/loud/often as No More Jockeys. The Bugle has managed it, at its best. I've only heard a few episodes of Pappy's Fun Club, but that's done it at times. Catsdown at its best has accomplished it.

The main thing I can think of that's done it really consistently is Taskmaster, but even that probably loses to NMJ at laughs per minute. It’s up there, though. Beats a lot of scripted sitcoms at it, including some really good scripted sitcoms. So from Taskmaster and No More Jockeys, you get the laughs, and the fun of getting emotionally invested in following a competitive game. Why are people still bothering to craft well written sitcom worlds?

This post has been massively disjointed, I think I've hit about six different topics since I've started, somehow including who's the most attractive member of Pappy's Fun Club. I finally have a weekend to myself and have decided I feel like writing things again, and it's started with this. I don't think there was any point to it. All I was really trying to say is I can't believe how fucking funny No More Jockeys is.

Mark Watson desperately, pleadingly trying to argue with Alex Horne about whether Donald Duck has been to prison – I'm sorry but I don't think Rowan Atkinson has done anything funnier than that in his entire life. He's done lots of things that are better than that. But not that can make me laugh harder than that while I'm over the age of 30.

[msprojects]

Hokuto's Radio Show - Episode 1, Part 2 of 4 (in two posts). Post 2 of 2

**Update** The link to Post 1 of 2 for Episode 1, Part 2 is below:

https://www.tumblr.com/msprojects/732434502250610688/hokutos-radio-show-episode-1-part-2-out-of-4?source=share&ref=msprojects

--

11:00 Well, I get that about myself, too, like the speed or the tone of my voice, I think oh yeah I definitely I get what they're saying, I can see it. I've been told by our fans that listening to the sound of my voice makes them feel sleepy. Zin-san, who's one of the leaders in our group, Zin-san tells me I'm like an "air purifier."  "It's not a bad thing," he said, "You're very gentle, so it makes others around you feel at ease, like an air purifier." I don't really get it, though. Yeah so lately my hobbies have been going on leisurely walks and taking pictures. My camera is the Ricoh GR IIIx, and I usually shoot pictures of the scenery or just ordinary things, like a cup or something. If it makes me go, "oh, that's interesting," I'll snap a picture. 12:00 I'll compose nice pictures of even the most ordinary things. Recently I've been into taking pictures of cars. Like, it's really cool when there's a bunch of cars in different colors lined up on the street and I'd think that would make such a good photo. If it's something that I think would make a cool picture, I'll take a snap of it. If I do take a cool picture, I'll post it on my official X account, so please check it out. And as for my walking hobby. During our longer breaks, I'll take a walk from morning until evening. Since I'd have more time, it's normal for me to take 5-hour long walks. The other day, I wondered how far I'd gone, so I checked my phone, and it said I'd walked 12 kilometers (7.5 miles) [staff gasp in disbelief]. Hehehe. Well, I mean it's healthy, isn't it? When I'm walking, I basically listen to music, buy some coffee on the way and then drink my coffee while I continue my walk. I'll even do some shopping or just enjoy the changing scenery while I walk. Doing that kind of ordinary thing is really relaxing for me. Usually, we're working on a ton of different things at any given time, but I'm not really good at being always on the go. Like, I have this worry about losing sight of myself when we're in the thick of it all, so being able to have these simple hobbies to return to keeps me grounded, and that's what gets me going outside and keep walking.  When I was on that 12 kilometer walk, I must have definitely built up some muscles, yeah? Hehehe. [staff laughs along with Hokuto] Everyone, definitely try walking 12 kilometers next time! I recommend it~ Hehehe~ 14:23 "What kind of show do you want your radio show to be?" Well, it's my first time hosting a show on my own, so honestly, I have no idea, haha. But once I get used to doing it, like if I feel like "oh I want to do more of this and that," I think it'll come to me in time. Really, though, from the very start, I wanted to make this show with everyone. Also, I wanted it to be more relaxing, hehe. [staff laugh in the background] I wanna get rid of this nervousness soon and be a more relaxed radio host for you guys. And now here's our next song from The Rampage, "100 Degrees." 15:06 - ["100 Degrees" by The Rampage plays.] - Translator's notes: *MVP - Most valuable player. Hokuto don't play around yall.

[come-away-with-me87]

Love & Angst Chapter 14

Chapter 13 here

******

You woke up the next morning, and instantly thought of the text you received from Shouta the night before. You picked your phone up from your nightstand, and re-read the text over and over and over. It one one simple question, "can we talk?" However, you were practically dissecting the text, trying to find any hidden meaning behind it. What could he possibly want to talk to you about? Instead of answering him, you decided that you were going to need Naomi's advice, and would talk to her during your shift at the restaurant that night.

You did chores around your house during the day to keep yourself busy and to try to keep your mind off of things. It did help, and it kept you busy right up until you had to start getting ready for work. You put your hair up in a ponytail, put on your server uniform, and drove to work to prepare the restaurant for what you were sure would be a busy Saturday night. You and Naomi had been working there long enough that you had your prep work down to a T, and you both ended up having some free time before the restaurant opened and patrons started arriving.

You proceeded to tell her everything that happened the prior evening, including the text you received from Shouta last night. She looked absolutely flabbergasted as you told her everything. "So what are you going to do?" she asked. "Honestly, I have no clue. I know I don't owe Shouta a thing; he completely broke my heart. And now there's Ken, who seems so sweet and genuinely interested in pursuing something with me. I just don't know what to do," you replied with a frown. "That's tough, Y/N, I'm sorry. I wish I had advice to give you, but ultimately, it's your decision. I know you still love Shouta, but like you said, he broke your heart. In my opinion, I think this Ken guy may be worth giving a shot to." Ken had a social media account, so you pulled him up to show his picture to Naomi. She whistled, "he is smokin' HOT!" You couldn't help but laugh; Ken really was a handsome man.

Suddenly, it was time to open the restaurant doors. You went and unlocked them, and sure enough, patrons started coming in one after the other. You knew you were in for a busy night. Tonight turned out to be one of your more difficult nights at the restaurant, unfortunately. You had a few irate patrons, saying their food wasn't cooked right, or that it was too cold, or this or that. You were constantly running back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen to fix these issues for these particular patrons, but it didn't seem to be enough. Naomi seemed to be having equally a rough night, many of the patrons were complaining to her about the way their drinks were made. What an overall crummy night. By the time the restaurant's hours were over and the last patrons left, you went to the front door and happily locked it.

"WOW, what a shitshow that was tonight," Naomi exclaimed. You agreed wholeheartedly with her; you showed her the tips you received, which was significantly lower than they usually were. You both continued your normal closing duties so you could both get the hell out of there. "Hey Y/N, why don't we go to the bar tonight? I think we can't both afford to let off some steam," Naomi questioned you. You thought about it for a moment. Even though you were typically a homebody, you figured: why the hell not? You both had a crummy night and deserved to have a drink or two. You told her that you would run home and change, and meet her at the bar at 10:00pm, to which she readily agreed.

You two exchanged your goodbyes for the time being, and left the restaurant. You pumped yourself up on your way home by listening to some fun music, and got into a better mood than you were in at the restaurant all night. When you arrived home, you grabbed a quick shower, put a towel around yourself, blow dried your hair, and put some makeup on. Now what to wear? You were going to a bar, so you decided to dress nice if you were gonna let loose and even dance a little tonight. You put on a ruby colored mini dress with leopard print heels. You looked in the mirror, and for the first time in a while, thought you looked really good. It was 9:30pm by that point, so you grabbed your clutch, put your ID, money, and phone in there, and left to go meet Naomi at the club.

You met Naomi there, and she looked absolutely amazing in her black tank mini dress and stiletto heels. To say the least, you two had an amazing night. You had three glasses of wine, which was hitting you more than you thought it would, so out of character for you, you went on the dance floor and started dancing with Naomi. Some of the men that were there tried to come up and dance with you two, but you guys weren't having it, and just continued to dance with each other. By the time you were done dancing, you found a table to sit at and decided to order some food and water to sober up a bit. Their food was alright, but between that and the water, you both sobered up pretty quickly.

"Thanks for coming out with me tonight, Y/N. I think we both needed that," Naomi said to you thoughtfully. You hugged her in return, "I completely agree." After asking each other if the other was okay to drive, you both left to your respective homes. You were still flying high from dancing that night, and continued to [safely] dance to the music blasting in your car on your way home, forgetting all about Shouta during that time. Finally, you pulled up to your house, and under the outside porch light, you saw a figure leaning against your fence. It was 2:00 in the morning at that point, and Shouta Aizawa was standing there waiting for you.

****** To be continued!