#13 year old me when are you insane like me been in pain like me bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me just to pour that

[heatwa-ves]

halsey badlands actually shaped me as a person and I would not be who I am now without colors and gasoline

[forgienersgod113]

I wanna talk about the basic overview of some things that have sprouted in my brain about these characters. I know you won’t agree with me, I don’t care if it’s canon, argue with the wall. I’m having fun.

Head canons:

- Jeff is a 19 year old asshole. Embarrassed often by his situation which translates into him acting defiant and hostile. When he first ended up at the house he was 13 and terrified, they had to drag him kicking and screaming. Efficient at his work, not a precision killer, more like he’s so good because he’s a tireless motherfucker. Aggressive and sloppy kills. No specific rituals, bro is not telling you to go to sleep. Major insomnia, sane on a whole but has extreme periods of mania, still able to work under these conditions but the kills get more hysterical. Has a cheepy Brooklyn accent and gets genuinely angry if you make fun of it. Chews beef jerky like it’s gum and hates company most of the time. Has a short fuse but usually knows when to walk away before he gets himself in trouble with the boss for fighting in the side yard. That shit can cost you your life in this industry.

-Toby is 17 and he wakes up every day in a new hell. The other two proxies call him “the kid”. He hates it. “I have a name you know”. Very bipolar, spends a month not talking, smiling, eating, or sleeping, and then spends the next 30 days cracking jokes in the kitchen. An immaculate aim with his hatchets. He knows them like they’re an extension of him. An undeniably horrendous crime scene every time. He was raised in a house full of women so he naturally has a much easier time being cordial with women. He can be extremely hostile and brash. Nobody is exempt from the moods that take him under. During dry spells of his depression he hardly moves his face when he talks. All around not a particularly malicious character, he definitely has a dark underbelly but his intentions aren’t usually bad, aside from victims and assignments. He doesn’t feel pain, his nerves are busted, so he has trouble regulating his temperature and other cues as well. Can run until he passes out, and fast. He bolts through the woods tirelessly and evrey single time he will gain on you. He has episodes of extreme grief for his life, his family, his dignity. During which times he’s so consumed with pain that he forgets to find himself hungry, or numb from the cold.

-Ben’s age is lost to time, and he is a rarity. This line of work is dirty and weathers the soul over time, but Ben seriously acts like he hasn’t seen a day of it. He cackles down the hallways at his own jokes and while his personality is refreshing, he can be childish as well. He’s nosy, passionate, and well versed on any subject you could ever be curious about. He can get hostile if he feels like he’s been wronged. Which he often does. All over the black market, all day. He serves mostly security because while he does kill, it’s over a game, and his specialty is driving his victim absolutely, whole heartedly insane. He’s a keeper of information on everyone in the house, he watches the woods like a hawk. And his ghostlike nature is honestly quite terrifying. Takes his job very seriously. Like too seriously.

[crushedsweets]

Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

[coldflasher]

still thinking about my post from the other day about eobard making barry the flash about a decade earlier, when he's still a teenager, so he'd be easier to manipulate. and then obviously i started thinking about where len would be in this scenario because i'm unwell and i have permanent leonard snart brainrot :)

assuming barry's 13 in this AU and we're sticking with the same age gap, len would be around 30... so then i started thinking about how different the dynamic would be, with a lonely barry who's being increasingly isolated by eobard, right in the thick of the most tumultous time in his relationship with joe, because he's always sneaking off and coming back all busted up and lying his head off and acting all cagey and exploding with temper every five minutes---except while joe thinks he's just a traumatized kid acting out and having a hard time at school, really he's off every night being "trained" by eobard and then being pitted against fully grown adult metas... though i do think i'd make at least some of them the same age as barry if only because imagine the ANGST of barry getting his powers, thinking he finally has one up on his bullies, and then the other kids at school start turning into metas as well.

i'm thinking specifically of tony woodward—all the pain and frustration and humiliation that twenty-five-year-old barry felt facing up against his childhood bully, now with powers... imagine that, except he's still at school, still stuck in the thick of it with this kid who's made his life hell, except now his bully has superpowers, and so any fantasies barry might have had about kicking his ass now he's the flash and is more powerful than any of the kids at school could imagine? well, forget it, because tony's STILL bigger and stronger than him and now he's now kicking barry's ass outside of school too

anyway i'm getting sidetracked. my point is i was thinking about moody teenage barry and an older len who's faced up against the flash, thinking there's a new player in town, only to discover that the flash is some scrawny punk kid with no one in his corner, and all the adults in his life are failing him, ESPECIALLY this creep eobard thawne who's "mentoring" him. len takes a very dim view of anyone who's getting a kid mixed up in the criminal world, considering his own father did it to him, AND he's just getting skeevy vibes off eobard anyway because he's an adult and better equipped to see through eobard's manipulations, unlike barry, who's doing the infuriating teenage thing of thinking he's sooo mature for his age and knows what he's doing and is not gonna listen to anyone who's trying to warn him that this whole thing is super sketchy and he's falling victim to a predator, but unfortunately he's not gonna realize it until he's a decade or so older and his frontal lobe develops---

and so we have this (platonic bc barry's like 13/14, though barry probably has a lil unrequited crush) coldflash dynamic with them kinda being friends bc len's somehow inadvertently ended up a mentor/support system for this fucked up, scrappy, little meta kid because god knows no one else is looking out for him, and anyway here's a small snippet of what my brain's doing (unedited but whatever we're just having fun and god knows i can't start another insane sprawling AU right now as much as i've been violently chewing on this idea all day, soooo)

Barry picked at the splintered wood on the table. “Eobard makes me feel kinda weird sometimes.”

Len watched him out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t like the sound of that. “Weird how?”

Barry shrugged his birdlike shoulders.

For a moment, Len focused on the map laid out in front of him, considering his next move. When it came to locks, carefully getting them to open up was his specialty. When it came to people, not so much.

He decided to be blunt. “He touch you?”

Barry’s mouth popped open, outrage and disgust mingling together. “No!” he protested, his voice cracking a little. Immediately, his mouth snapped shut, jaw jutting out mulishly, and he glared at Len. “Not like that.”

Len scrutinized him. He was pretty satisfied it was an honest answer. The kid wasn’t a bad liar, given time to prepare, but he sucked at improv; put him on the spot and he crumbled in seconds.

“He’s just… intense, that’s all. About my powers.”

Somehow Len doubted that was all he was intense about. Clearly something about this Eobard creep was making the kid’s spidey senses tingle, and probably for good reason. Len knew his type—there were plenty like him in prison, doing time for their proclivities. And plenty more on the outside who were better at hiding it. Just because the guy hadn’t put his hands on the kid so far didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it.

“You thought about talking to someone?” Len asked. “An adult?”

Barry gave him a withering look like only a teenager could, then looked him insolently up and down, like he was missing something very obvious. Len gave him a similarly derisive look right back, one with over a decade of extra power behind it, just to show him how it was done. “I meant an authority figure.”

“You mean like a shrink?” Barry scoffed—which was pretty similar to what Len’s response would have been if anyone had made that suggestion to him. “Pretty sure Joe’s insurance wouldn’t cover another one. And we’d have to go out of state. I’ve seen every shrink in the city and they all think I’m crazy.”

“Your Dad, then.” Not that Len believed a guy who murdered his wife was exactly a stellar role model, and clearly Henry Allen was no stranger to manipulation himself, to have the kid so staunchly convinced he hadn’t done it when it had happened right in front of him—but having a father in prison had its perks. Len’s own father wasn’t exactly father of the year, but even he’d have called in a few favours from Iron Heights if he caught wind of some creep sniffing around his kid, if only on principle.

“I’m not allowed to see him,” Barry muttered.

The dark look in his eye told Len that there was little use in suggesting he told Joe. Clearly, they still weren’t getting along.

[yerrrrrrrl]

You know what ruins me ?

The sibling bonds in demon slayer.

Usually i think about the shinazugawa siblings but NO. IM TALKING ABOUT THE KAMADOS TODAY

Imagine the pain of having to watch your sibling go through it time and time again just to protect you ? And the worst part is that it's applied both ways. Well it's not the worst because I think demon slayer is so good at showing what lengths you would go for your loved ones.

What takes me out every sing darn time is the first time tanjirou is trying to save nezuko. Imagine, he was walking home after a typical day, and a night spent away from his family, completely unassuming of what his neighbour had unintentionally saved him from.

That is, until he smells blood. Imagine the fear that makes his heart, his heart that has been raised to love and care, drop and ache with paranoia.

And then he's met with the horrible sight of nezuko, his closest sibling, resting in a pool of her own blood that stains everything, from her hair, to her face, to her clothes, to the child in her arms, to the snow that they lie one, to the snow that falls gently on them. His soul is already grieving despite the fact that all he feels is despair and confusion .

And demon slayer does a really good job at conveying that hurt and panic through they way they animated the scene:

And nothing is said, tanjirou just screams, devastated by the scene in front of him. What does he do ?

He must've felt the world just crashing around him as all that matters to him is taken away in the most cruel way possible.

As an older sibling, I can't even fathom the idea of losing my younger brother. Granted, he's not that young anymore. He's always going to be a baby to me. So when I first saw this scene, all I could imagine was the heartbreak tanjirou must feel. As well as the feelings of failure as he wasn't even there to protect his siblings.

THE PAIN DOESNT EVEN STOP THERE GUYS.

I think it's common knowledge that tajirous first reaction to his whole family being slaughtered isn't instant tears. It's just shock and disbelief that something so horrific has happened to him.

Even after he's processed that, his second reaction is to check if anyone is still alive. Which to me is just

BECAUSE HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS STILL WARM ? HOW WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS THE ONLY ONE THATS WARM ???

imagine the rush of adrenaline his body gets when he realises that nezuko could still be alive ? Once again, Ufotable delivers with the portrayal of this as you can see it tanjirou's body language. The way nezuko has been hastily wrapped up to preserve as much of the little body heat she's still producing. The way tanjirou is moving as fast as he can as a 13 year old kid with another 12 year old on top of him. The way he literally says that his lungs feel on fire but he keeps pushing on because it's his little sister.

It's heart breaking.

Guys the kamado siblings actually have me in a clutch. They care so much for each other that it's so cute but devastating at the same time. I think this is one of the main reasons why I think that nezuko is the sole reason as to why tanjirou hasn't gone fully insane yet.

I mean, the guy sees ghosts at like every corner, but he doesn't even bat an eye. He has two very loud and hyper friends that he's constantly surrounded with. And a breathing technique literally no one has seen in a thousand years. And he questions none of it bruh, his sister is in his backpack. He's fine. There's literally nothing to worry about. lmao tanjirou is so funny for that *sighs sadly

tanjirou's grief is lowkey overlooked sometimes. It's cute that nezuko and tanjirou care for each other but it's also so sad to me as to why they are so close.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The One I've Been Waiting For {Part 05 of 13}

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Older!reader

Word count: 2 K

Summary: Billy Hargrove is just one of the many students you're supposed to help. The last thing you expect from your interaction is that he'll start flirtt with you... Much less that Billy would stir up feelings you'd rather keep hidden. Despite the mutual sentiments that soon enough start to grow, there are a lot of reasons for whatever it is to be left alone, and one of them is your age...

<- Previous part (04)

Next Part (06) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

A/N: In this story, reader is 5 years older than Billy, who's 18.

•••

A Stolen Heart

The warm water helps you relax. The next project is almost over, which means you'll have some free time on the horizon. Your friends left half an hour ago, so your plans are to shower and go to sleep.

Once out of the water spray, you dry yourself and brush your hair before putting the pj's on, lycra shorts, and an old oversized shirt. You're tired as you climb onto the bed, fixing the blankets and getting comfortable, and sleep comes easy.

But a noise startles you awake, dragging you back into consciousness in half a second. You ignore it though, the bed is too warm and comfortable. But the noise gets louder, and a little too close for your taste. So you snap fully awake, immediately taking in the weird thud and sitting up, looking at the window.

All air leaves your lungs when you see a figure crawling through your window. In a fast move, you stand up, taking the lamp you have on the nightstand and raising it above your head. “Get the hell out of my house or I'll call the police!” You yell, walking backward until you hit the wall.

“Calm down.” An oddly familiar voice says, and you furrow your eyebrows, trying to think despite the heavy haze of sleep over your mind. “Where's the light switch?”

“Who are you?” You ask, the moment you recognize the silhouette, only lit up by the dim lights coming from outside. “Billy?”

“Yeah. Put that down.”

“What the hell-” Walking back to the nightstand, you put the lamp back in its place. “-are you doing here?”

“Just needed to see you.”

“Are you insane?” Walking to the door, you turn the lights on. “What do you think you're doing sneaking into my bedroom like that?” Billy definitely crossed a line now, and you can't just let it go.

“You're right I shouldn't have come.” Billy bursts out, suddenly angry, like you never saw before. You're about to ask why he's talking like that when you see it. When Billy turns around, heading to the window, you see a purple bruise on the apple of his cheek.

And it clicks, the pieces falling into place. You know about his father, about how difficult he is. How Billy hates him, and now you know why. Neil did that.

“Wait!” You shout, running to the window and standing in his way. “Wait. What's that on your cheek?”

“Do you even care?” He furrows his eyebrows, moving closer. “Get out of the way, I'm leaving.”

“No!” When he moves to push you away, you hold both his arms, forcing him to stop and look at you. “Billy, please.”

“I don't-”

“Please.” You see it in his eyes, the pain. And it breaks your heart. “Please, B, stay.”

His face changes, it... Drops. The fury is replaced by something far softer. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here like this, shouldn't scare you like this, I just...”

“It's alright.” You mutter, taking a better look at the bruise. “Let me get some ice, ok? Then we can talk.”

“Ok.”

“But please, don't leave.” You beg, a hand caressing his chin.

“I won't,” Billy promises and you nod, quickly moving.

Your mind is racing, and your heart is beating fast as you rush downstairs. As fast as you can, you search for a bowl, putting all the ice you have in it and grabbing a dishcloth before going back to your room. You're relieved to find Billy seated on the edge of your bed. Breathing out, you sit next to him, putting some cubes in the dishcloth and making an improvised ice bag.

“Can I?” You ask in a low voice and he nods. Gently, you put the ice on his bruise, trying not to hurt him. Billy's eyes don't leave you, but you try to focus on your task. “Did you get into a fight at the party?” You know the answer, but still, you have to ask.

“No.”

“It was Neil, wasn't it?” There's anger in your voice, and you don't want to dissimulate anymore. Billy nods, looking away from you. “I'm so sorry, B. I really wish I could do something for you, I-”

“You're doing enough.” He says, placing his hand on top of yours. His touch is warm, and part of you wants to shield him from all that. To protect him.

“How?” You whisper, now completely drowning in the blue of his eyes. Billy was never this close, and now you can feel the power he has over you.

“By just being here.” He whispers back, moving even closer.

Sighing, you take the ice off his face, throwing it in the bowl. “I didn't mean to send you away like that, I just... Got scared and thought you came here with other ideas in your head.”

“I just needed to see you. I was going to that stupid party but I found myself driving here instead.” His voice is barely a whisper, but you can hear it clearly because of the silence surrounding you.

“You can go if you want, and then come back here.” You decide to say, but you don't want him to go.

You don't want Billy to go. You want to hold him, close to your chest, until all the sadness leaves his heart.

“I don't wanna be anywhere else,” Billy says, and you close your eyes before wrapping your arms around his neck.

It's a strange sensation, and it takes a while until you even understand what you're doing. But it feels right, even better when he embraces you too, strong arms pulling you closer to his body. “I'm so sorry, B.”

Billy sighs, and you feel his breath on your neck when he does, tickling you a little. But holding him feels good. And being held by him is even better. You never thought you'd feel this way, not with him. But there's nothing else right now. No age, no bad boy reputation. Just Billy, in your arms, and you in his.

Silently, you pull away, taking the bowl and placing it on the nightstand before going to the door. “What are you doing?” He asks in a low voice.

“Turning the lights off so we can sleep.” You simply say before cutting the lights and going back to bed.

“Should I go?” Billy sounds... Vulnerable. And it's obvious that he doesn't show this side of him very often. So you feel honored to see this part of him.

“No.” Lying down, you move to the side. It's a double bed, so you're used to sleeping in the middle. “Won't Neil be angry if you don't go back home?”

“He doesn't care.”

“Then stay.” It doesn't take much time until he moves. Billy takes his shoes and leather jacket off before settling down on the right side of the bed.

Then, you fall silent. You're facing away from him, eyes open. And for some reason you know he's awake too.

“Could you come here?” He suddenly asks, his deep voice filling the room.

“What for?”

“Just come.”

Don't overthink it, you tell yourself. So you take a deep breath before moving, turning to face him and moving closer. And it happens naturally as if you've done it many times before. Billy pulls you until your head is on his chest, his arm around your waist. You're blushing, butterflies flying all around.

But this is peaceful. Calming. His breathing and heartbeat feel like a beautiful lullaby.

“Why did he hit you?” With a hand flat on his chest, you smile to feel the warmth irradiating from his skin.

“Max went out with the kids. I was supposed to go for her but she went back home earlier by herself.” His voice is low, a hand caressing your hair.

“You know this isn't her fault, right?”

“I know.” He sighs.

“Just a little while now. Soon enough High School will be over and you'll be free from Neil. And this town. And whatever else you want to be free from.” Taking a deep breath, you involuntary snuggle closer to him. Billy is warm. And you never had anyone to keep you warm during the night. To hold you.

“I know.” He breaths out. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

“For what?”

“For this.”

Biting your lip, you feel heat spreading through your cheeks. “I'm... I'm glad you came.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm.” Mumbling, you hold back a yawl. “It's a cold tonight and now I don't need so many blankets.”

“Oh, I see.” Billy pulls you closer, pressing you against his body. “A very good reason.”

Giggling, you caress his chest. “Let's get some sleep, Billy Hargrove.”

And you drift off to sleep, surrounded by a sensation you never felt before. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe having Billy this close will end up in heartbreak. But right now, knowing he's alright after what we went through, is enough. You're happy for him. Even though it may hurt you later.

•••

When Billy wakes up, he can't believe what he feels. It's good, so damn good he wonders if he died on the road yesterday, crashed his car, and somehow went to Heaven.

He's so used to being surrounded by hate, anger, and all of those dark feelings from the moment he opens his eyes that this feels surreal.

During the night they moved a bit, and now they're face to face, sleeping way too tangled up for two friends just sharing a bed. The soft morning light makes her even more beautiful, if that's even possible. Billy looks at her as if she's an illusion, a dream, that will vanish if he moves too much. So, holding his breath, he only caresses her cheek, her warm skin. It startles him a little when a quick, small smile crosses her face. He wonders what she's dreaming of. Whatever it is, it's probably good.

Billy didn't want to fall in love. Ever. He didn't even want to like some girl. Or have someone in his mind that he couldn't shake away. He likes his freedom, he likes having someone new every week. A different face to hang out with, to sleep with. He's a man who has everything figured out. His feelings and wishes, his plans for the future. And not falling in love, ever, was a very important part of his plan.

What he doesn't want to admit is that one of the reasons for that, maybe the strongest reason, is because he fears he'll become like his father. His mother loved Neil, and he broke her heart. So Billy always thought it would be better to keep girls at a distance, only having one-night stands with those who are looking for the same quick relationship.

Billy Hargrove doesn't want to be another Neil.

But, right now, looking at her sleepy face, hair covering half of it before he pushes it away, Billy has an epiphany. It happens slowly at first, then all of a sudden.

He wants a girl after all. Even worse, he wants (Y/N), for more than just one night. Or one day. Or one week. He wants to get to know her, all of her.

And he also figures out he could never be like Neil. Not to (Y/N). For her, Billy wants to be more than a crazy teenager going to parties, staying up late for stupid reasons, and not giving a damn about school. For her, Billy wants to be a man.

It's not (Y/N)'s age that stands between them. It's Billy's maturity. Or the lack of it. It's not that he doesn't have plans for the future. Billy wants to go back home, become a Marine Biologist and find a good job, one he loves, in the place he loves. But he also knows some of his attitudes aren't... Appealing to her, as they are to other girls. They like the bad boy act he puts on, and he's quite good at it since all it takes is to express the rage he has trapped inside him.

But now, he wants her. And being the bad boy isn't enough.

He never thought he'd ever change for a girl. But Billy knows this isn't just about changing who he is, because if (Y/N) didn't like him, she wouldn't be here, in his arms. This is about growing up. And Billy would have to do that sooner or later. He was waiting until he finished High School, or until he finished college, if he ever gets there. But until then, he would party hard, live like there was no tomorrow, no consequences.

But now, there's her. And for her, and her only, he wants to make things different.

Billy Hargrove is falling in love. Fast, and hard. For a guy with his reputation, it couldn't be any different.

He, who stole many hearts, had his stolen. And there's nothing he could do now. It was in her possession, and so it would remain.

@aunicornmademedoit @alexa4040 @goth-cowgirl-03 @nyctophilic0vitnir @minispice-1

[thatguylucass]

I find it difficult to empathize with someone's decision to end things with you. You are an incredible person, and they are undeniably losing out on the opportunity to be with you. I simply can’t understand why someone would be so close to marrying you and just bail.- H

Haha, that is very sweet of you to say but dear annon I trully am no saint..

Its been a while since I have spoken about that relationship but I will provide some context. When I was 13 I meet someone, we will call them… Kitkat.

TW: Mentions of abuse, Suicide, self harm and abusive relationships

Kitkat was a year older than me, and of course we meet online. Maybe I was young and stupid but i fell so hard for this guy it was insane, we would talk 24/7 and we where so close, we became best friends. A year later i confessed and got friendzoned, but a month later after i had tried datibg someone he said he liked me and we started dating.

The relationship was extremely toxic. I came from a background that made me be very clingy and obsessive so anything i did i mean, Anythibg i would ask him, it was as if they where the only reason I could live. This is why i dobt belive he was fully to blame as I didn’t know what real love was like.

Kitkat obviously became abusive, he enjoyed the control and it got to his head. So he went from a good person who was hurt due to religious trauma and abusive parents to becoming the abuser,. It was like the both of us where hurting eachother as years went by. I wanted to be saved and someone to tell me how to live, while kitkat wanted someone who would never leave them and love them unconditionally.

My bestfriend saw this and things started to go hay wire very soon. I started to self harm anytime kitkat would get mad at me, (mostky because they were trying to make thibgs stop) soon i stopped doing things I loved. KitKat on the other hand became more aggressive and controlling.

We broke up around 3 times i think before things ended fulkt. The first time was when I was 17, the day of my birthday. When I tell you i lost it, i really did. I attempted suicide and felt like i couldn’t live without them, The second time was a few mouths later, and third time was a few months before I turned 18, I belive 5 months before covid started, what made it different the last time was that, I ended things, well mostly my best friend wrote everything and I just sent it while crying.

It was hard. I will say, and kitkat still comes back from time to time, i would be lying if i didn’t say i didn’t love him, but.. together we hurt eachother. Being out the worst in eachother.

i am 22 now and i am still trying to process what that was. I mean last time I spoke to kitkat i was 20.

I dont know if I blame him, but i also dont blame myself. After all i never meet this guy in person in my life, all these years of suffering and pain was through a screen. I just think the two of us where young and stupid. There was nothing at all, nada. the marrige thing he mentioned it once when I was 17 and every day i started to go to the airport waitibg for him to come, hoping he would one day arrive in my own delusion. He never did of course, how would he, he was just 18 and mentioned it off hand never confirmed it. But to me it felt real.

I guess I was just far too into him for my own good, i mean he was the reason i moved to Canada so that we could live together there. but I suppose I never trully left Canada. What life does to you, huh?

But oh well, I can just laugh about it, The wounds are old scars for now lol, have a funny picture of me when i was 18 to brighten up your day

wven back them i was a funny guy, some thibgs never change XD

[chuckle-lore]

Episode 105- December 19th, 2023- Charlie Christmas Special 2: electric boogaloo

Lore-

Charlie’s death is confirmed to be from ingesting white phosphorus and blowing up

Charlie came from a candy cane rift from hell but can only stay for 24 hours, this is most likely a punishment for Ted and Schlatt

9:15 Schlatt grieves over Charlie’s death, most likely has some form of regret for Charlie’s death or at the very least misses Charlie

10:00 Ted sent Schlatt to “good boy ranch” which is basically conversion therapy but for men who cry too much because Schlatt was supposedly too emotional. This begs the question how much control Ted has over Schlatt’s life.

14:45 Charlie explains his spectral form which is sorta clear goo that takes 14 days for morph into his ghostly form. It is both a very disgusting and painful process.

Charlie hasn’t chuckled once all year which makes sense because he was in hell up until that episode.

40:10 Ted says if he’d had perfect vision he would’ve been able to stop 9/11 AGAIN. Assuming that this wasn’t a slip up on Ted’s part, that means Ted has stopped 9/11 once but there was a second one that he he couldn’t prevent. It’s a lot to take in I know.

The Other Guy’s ™️ origin: Schlatt saw him inside of someone’s house in Pflugerville and took him.

Charlie canonically “nogged” himself after hearing the unlimited bacon question

1:13:40 Charlie is sent back to hell

Ted and Schlatt speculate on how dead Charlie really is and begin planning on kill him a second time. Ted mentions that they’ll need ghost white phosphorus which means: 1) ghost can die 2) there is such thing as ghost white phosphorus and it is obtainable to them 3) Charlie is either deemed as a threat or at the very least an annoyance to Ted and Schlatt

My thoughts-

This episode was such a slay. I kinda became a real fan of CS a little bit after Charlie’s death so I didn’t understand how much Charlie added to the podcast until this episode came out back in December. He just bounces off everyone so we’ll and I appreciate the fact he pre-plans his bits beforehand, it makes me wish that modern cs threw in a few more bits in general. Charlie was an absolute delight and he made my job so much easier when he just kept dropping lore bits.

This would’ve been a 10 or 9.5/10 but I do have a gripe with this episode. Back when this episode first came out me and my mom decided to let my brother watch the special with us. (He really wanted to watch with us and I thought it wouldn’t be a issue because episodes with Charlie are normally more tame.) Then the Mr. Hands section happened and I have to live with the fact my brother knows what Mr.Hands is because I vouched for him. We did not finish that episode. Because of that one moment I’m giving it a 8/10, great episode but I’m holding a grudge.

Things I noted-

Is Catholicism canon in the CS universe? Like is it the confirmed religion or is that just a Schlatt thing?

The other guy in the background>>>

It’s just really funny to me that Ted took Schlatt to conversion therapy

14:00 Gas stations eggs mentioned

The egg nog and candy cane bit might’ve been a nod to Charlie’s old veggie bit

How did Schlatt make eating the hook part of the candy cane sound more gay than sucking on the straight part of it

Living for Charlie obsessing over Tucker

Ted is 100% right on his opinion on store bought vrs. bakery cookies

Charlie glitching made me think my phone was broken lol

(Original notes, updates, +a comment that made me giggle under the cut)

Updates:

I’m no longer sick :D

I’m planning on going out to buy new colored markers for my notes to spice things up

THANK YOU FOR 60 FOLLOWERS!!! It is absolutely insane how fast this blog grew and I can’t thank y’all enough!!!

If we reach to 100 I’ll do a Chuckle Lore weekend with requested episodes (I am not doing a straight week of this lol)

Welp I’m going back into the mines now. Bye bye :]

[mitspeiler]

Whole Hog Ruby. Go

wowee, a total stranger asking about ruby. crazy

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

dear sweet precious ruby got her name from being a redhead, probably also in-universe. Her last name, Reveur, was suggested by @wubyreal

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

13 at the beiginning of Filmverse. She turns 14 over the course of Dream Quest.

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

Fenetre, a fox boy she met in a dream. Another boy will try to woo her later

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

she loves sweets and is a rare fondant defender.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

she's too young for a job at the moment. If she weren't a magical fantasy protagonist she would want to be a nurse

🎹 🥊- Do they have any hobbies?

Ruby is a big reader. she doesn't have many creative hobbies due to being sickly and infirm for most of her life. Now that she can move around a bit she will start trying out all kinds of new things. Ruby hates having to take her many many medicines

🎯 -What do they do best?

Ruby is actually a good problem solver. Her pathetic charisma also lets her make friends easily.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

When they were little Henry made her a stone teddy bear, small enough to fit in her palm. It went missing at some point.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

The week leading up to her solo adventure, Bones in the Ocean, was plagued with night terrors that caused her physical pain. Seeing as it happened shortly after Henry went missing it was easily the worst time in her life so far

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Ruby's design has changed subtly over the years, starting with myself and her co-creator @wubyreal disagreeing over her eye color.My Ruby's eyes are purple; hers are red. I've also decided to turn the white elements of ruby's outfit black for future entries.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

The Aristocrats

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

american gothic

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

cishet probably

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

none, but her cousin Henry is like an older brother to her

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Ruby's relationship with her mother is strained. She faces a lot of negative reinforcement and emotional neglect, but feels as though she should be grateful to her mother for the fact she takes care of her, and at times feels guilty that her mother has been saddled with her. Morgause does not say

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

She is cool and everyone loves her. in real life

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

I post ruby daily in some circles. She has one complete novella

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

nah

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

She's afraid of lots of things but is brave in that she faces her fears. Her only really debilitating phobia is the idea that she is a burden

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Probably Callisto Pellinger, spoiled girl playing pirate on the high seas

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

according to @wubyreal ruby was created on september 6th 2019. Insane to me, I feel like she's been here forever

[feniksido]

Ok tell me about your ocs right now

-fuckitwebhaal

I was thinking really hard about who to talk about because I HAVE SO MANY but I decided on my two main Baldur's Gate characters so RAAAA

First is Zenith the Silver aka The Dark Urge

Zenith is 42 years old and kind of pissed about it cus his knees are starting to hurt. When he was adopted into his family he was given the name Zenith and after the whole killing your family cus the urges manifested thing he stopped using the name. Eventually when he moved into the city proper and knew he would need a name that wouldn't set off any red flags for people he went back to it.

He's a dual wielder fighter/rogue. He's incredibly efficient and doesn't care about right or wrong, nice or mean, he'll put on the mask that he needs when the situation requires it. He will gaslight the hell out of you and you know what that's okay. Very calculating, very quiet most of the time but when he does speak it's LOUD. So he tends to be a man of few words. His favorite animals are hyenas, he likes to read since that's how he learns to adapt to different situations (basically absorbing scenarios and playing them out since he doesn't get a lot of actual living interactions), and he has a very strong sense of smell. Incredibly insightful always people watching, looking at the subtleties

And now Santino! A Cleric of Talos

Santino is a 54 year old mortal son of a cambion. He was raised by his cambion father and was named Santino as a joke. An infernal son named "Saint" raised by a devil. He was born because his mother was cursed with never-ending pain, she made a deal to that once she gave birth to a son she would be free from said pain. She died immediately after his birth. He was raised in like a basement demi-plane and when he was 13 he got kicked out and was told to go help bring people to make deals with. He was basically an unofficial warlock but his dad fucking hates him so he barely got anything out of it.

Santino was sick of it so he ran away instead and went to school. He sucked at it. He did eventually meet a girl at that school who he eventually married. They wanted to move to Waterdeep so she could continue her studies as an alchemist but on the way over there it was storming like crazy and the visibility was shit so they got ambushed by bandits. The bandits ended up killing Santino's wife while he was pinned under the cart. He begged his father to come help but he didn't show up and so instead he turned to the Stormlord Talos to give him the strength to imbue him with his fury and let him avenge his wife. And so he did. So he turned from the infernal to the divine and became a tempest cleric.

He's also ridiculously insane and completely unpredictable. This guy was my first Tav and he's been with me since Early Access. He's like chaos incarnate and i do love him.

Yes they are both evil, yes i can talk about them WAY more. I just love them so much

[leyhunter]

It's looking like we're gonna be putting our dog down soon. I could write an entire essay about my emotions right now and tell you a hundred stories about her but my heart and my soul are too tired and so I've had almost no motivation or willpower to do much of anything productive.

I have no idea how much everything is going to cost altogether but I know it's gonna add financial pain to everything else. I'm trying to get through my current commission queue beforehand but if clients are willing to wait for me to get through this then I'm still willing to take commissions and work on them when I'm able.

Donations of course are always appreciated; I have a kofi where you can order a commission from me or just leave a tip.

https://ko-fi.com/leymotif

I'm constantly fluctuating between feeling numb and being overwhelmed with heartache. My partner and I are spending as much time with her as we can while we still have it.

The consultation with the vet is this Wednesday where they'll take a look at the old lady and we'll go over our options, but the rate at which she is declining is telling enough. I would guess we have about a week left with her depending on scheduling and what not. We'll find out and I'll update you all here when I know more.

This is Dot, by the way. She's a rescue and has been a beloved member of our small household for nine years. They estimated she was 4-6 when we first adopted her, which puts her at 13-15 years old now. When we first got her, she was skin and bones, so Dorothy Bones is her full name. Dorothy was my great grandmother's name.

Anyway thanks in advance and thank you to my friends and clients who have been so supportive and understanding, I'm insanely blessed to be able to do what I love and share it with everyone as of late. Spare a thought for Dot in her last days.

[crowwithguns]

People are like so mean to kids. Kids don't know something is 'bad' unless you tell them. A five year old won't know not to climb on the bookshelf if you never explain it to them, and then you yell at them just implanting a fear of you and not why it's dangerous to climb bookshelves.

kids won't know that it's wrong to make up a story when stories are being told unless you explain it to them. They just think that cool stories are being shared and they want to have fun too. And when you accuse them of something malicious they probably will just stop talking to you about anything.

a baby cries because something is wrong, they’re in pain, they’re scared, they’re overwhelmed. They were born months ago and everything is new and that little injury they are throwing a ‘temper tantrum’ over that you could deal with just fine, is probably the most pain that baby has felt in their life

That 5 year old that won’t shut up during a plane ride has probably never been on a plane before, or if they have it’s been years and years to a toddler is more then half their life span. So seeing the clouds from above is ground breaking and being forced to sit for hours in a uncomfortable seat is something reserved for schools where they have breaks to go play. But there are no breaks on planes, only people they can tell are angry with them but they don’t know why and mom and dad are shoving a iPad in their face now

that teen that is ‘cringe’ is just trying to figure out how to be a person without their parents right there. They just discovered this thing they really like, and other people who really like it. Of course they aren’t gonna be normal. Why tf are you bullying a 13 year old girl for making a Mary sue at your old age anyway? Why is it such a issue is a teenager has a op oc they rp with in a discord server with other teenagers?

the fact that people think kids should just know these things and shame kids for not is insane to me. If you don’t explain the concept of money, but do show them how to use your credit cards, they will buy a 500 dollar purse cause it’s pretty and they don’t know better.

not even talking about how most children will have a mental health issue or disorder that is undiagnosed and treated as disobedience, that makes people mask so much that they don’t get help as adults. So that 10 year old girl who won’t sit still while her math professor keeps going on and on about a topic she couldn’t care less about might have something else going on, or she doesn’t and is just a kid. Both are valid and not your business.

you are a adult. They are a child with basically no rights and are legally owned by their parents. You should know better.

[star-mum]

the ages in Teen Wolf make no fucking sense and the MTV writers made it MY ISSUES SPECIFICALLY

insane rambling (and very bad math) under the cut

I was thinking.... the Hales weren't recluses ??? (post fire Derek doesn't count, he's been through stuff) cause Derek went to highschool like normal ??? So WHYYYY (besides convenient writing) doesn't ANYONE REMEMBER THEM ??????

Like yeah Derek was older than the main cast, whatever, but CORA ????? SHE'S THEIR AGE ???? THEY PROBABLY ALL WENT TO PRESCHOOL TOGETHER ???? AT LEAST MIDDLE SCHOOL ????

SO !!! i have JUST NOW decided that Cora, Derek and Laura are 3 years apart from each other. "What about Talia and Peter?" you ask me and if you'd given me a FUCKING SECOND I'D TELL YOU !!! GEEZ !!!

Okay so IF we assume Peter is in his early 20s when Derek is in highschool considering ONLY the actor who played him in the Paige Flashback then okay, fine they're like almost 20 years apart BUT !!! Look at Peter now !!! LOOK AT HIM !!! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN 4-6 YEARS (depending on how old you think s1 Derek is) (we'll get to that too, hold on) SO !!!! Im gonna ignore that weird casting choice and confidently give Talia and Peter a 13 years age difference, why ? you ask... idk sounds like a good number, I like things in 3s- WRONG !!! I DID EXTENSIVE MATH AND THINKING ON THIS !!!

We're gonna take some liberty here and assume Wolf Born Families are a bit traditional when it comes to kids and stuff SO Talia would've probably had her first kid in her very early 20s BUT we also need to consider that she was The Alpha of the house (and I refuse to believe Hale isn't HER family name) (OH ALSO !! Since the spark passed from her to Laura we can assume, cause I want to, that, at least, the Hale Pack worked as a matriarchy) which demands a lot of respect and work soooo I'm gonna go with her being about 24-25 when she had Laura

WHICH !!! Would've made Peter 11-12, which is not that different from the age gap he has with Talia, so he probably used to look at Laura much more as a sister than a niece (you know for the pain and suffering and drama) SO !!! when Derek was 15, Peter was 29-30 aaaand 29 makes the most sense to me, so I'd go with that!

Please dont get me started on the contradicting age of our "teen" cast !! Scott is 15 and then 18 in 10 months ???? Doesn't make sense !!!! So to ME the teen cast is all 17 in season 1 !!! except for Alison who's a year older and very understandably insecure about turning 19 and still being in highschool. And then in the span of 10 months we roll around to Scott's 18 birthday !! hooray time is linear !!!

All this to say, these are all people around the same age as our main characters AND THEY WERE PART OF THE TOWN !!!! HOW COME NO ONE REMEMBERS THEM ????

Even if we operate on the belief that Derek is, during season one, between 19-22 (which feels correct to me) that still makes the family fire NOT THAT LONG AGO (4-6 years) HOW COME PEOPLE ARE FORGETTING ABOUT IT ALREADY ????

Cora is the same age as EVERYBODY ELSE !!!! did they not go to middle school together ? do they not remember her ? who was she friends with ? Before Paige died Derek was very well integrated into High School culture, we have no reason to believe either of his sisters were homeschooled. Peter was a grOWN ADULT !!! I KNOW THE HALES WERE OLD MONEY RICH BUT DID HE NOT HAVE A JOB ???? DID HE NOT HAVE A LAW FIRM TO WORK AT ??? (recently came across a "Peter Hale had a law degree" post and it's canon to me forever now) Did Laura not pick up her siblings from school not a SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIFE ????

OH !! WHICH REMINDS ME !! Derek said at some point that the fire happened when he and his sister were still at school and I'm pretty sure that was on s1 so he obviously meant Laura (i don't think the writers had Cora planned from the beginning, she was there to work in Erica's place) BUT !!! What if he did mean Cora, he walked his little 12 yo sister to school because he's Big Sister Laura (18 yo) was away for college at that time !!! And Kate had no choice but to leave those 3 out cause Laura wouldn't have come home without a good reason and Cora went to school at the time was Derek just a different building

This brings me to my (hopefully) final point: what the fuck is Deatons problem ???? He was Talia's emissary, he knew the pack inside and out and they very OBVIOUSLY KNEW HIM !!! HE WAS BESIDE THEIR ALPHA ALL THE DAMN TIME !!! How come Derek didn't recognize him ???? My vague memory on the dialogue between Deaton and Peter in s1 makes it seem like they Knew Each Other, in that ominous way... why didn't Derek ?? He wasn't a small child, he knew Deaton too, he could've remembered him ????

Again... things that feel like they were written into the plot only AFTER s1 aired

[reader010]

New hyperfixation means new tumblr post to inspire me to write something! @nordictwin's I was a Teenage Exocolonist Stratos Kid Time Loop AU got me thinking: why do the kids in the AU suddenly have the power to remember? And when I start thinking I start scheming... what if it wasn't an accident that they remember? What if our lovable little scamp Sol tried a few new things across the loops and may have *accidentally* transcended a bunch of their friends with our favorite Faceless + Wormhole wombo combo?

So anyway: here is a short writing dump about Sol and Anemone borrowing from one of the original loyalty scenes in the game. (Nemmie is my favorite so that's who you all get) - enjoy!

---

"The adults say we're not supposed t’ go outside the colony unless it's on expedition…" Anemone didn’t take her eyes off the teenage-shaped speck receding over the distant cliffside; wordlessly, she extended an open hand to the other and waited expectantly. The heft of her holoculars being returned to her is all the answer she needs before instinctively looping the device back around her neck. "And Dys just goes whenever he wants! What if he gets hurt? What if he dies?"

Or worse… Anemone wrinkled her nose, her mind filling in the pieces of just what worse could possibly entail. "What if he picks up a weird alien disease and comes back with three heads?"

Beside her, her lookout partner chuckled cheerfully – as if three-head-making alien diseases was a laughing matter –and Anemone’s cheeks flushed with the knee-jerk reaction that it’s her whose being laughed at. Maybe… maybe she’d didn’t know as much about what’s out there as the explorers – but hey, it hadn’t been proved there weren’t three-head-making alien viruses on Vertumna.

Anemone idly scratched her cheek, itching at the dry spot caused from her acne turned scales. “Ow,” she muttered instinctually; the jolt of pain snapped her back into the moment, where her eyes leapt up to the clifftop. No sign of Dys anymore. "I just… dunno what to do about it," Anemone admitted, "what do you think?"

They’re quiet for a moment: there’s a pause that’s full of uncertainty and hesitation, but when her friend spoke, the words are filled with something that Anemone couldn’t quite place.

"We should go after him."

It’s finally enough to take Anemone’s attention off the valley; she whipped her head towards Sol and couldn’t stop herself from staring at the other girl as if she had three heads.

"What?! Outside the colony? By ourselves?”

There was a glow in Sol’s eyes. Again, that sensation that Anemone just couldn’t place. Sol’s words were insanity – clearly meant to be a joke – but something in them looked… strangely… hopeful?

Anemone hadn’t really… Anemone didn’t leave the colony. Sure, she was 13 years old, and that meant she was old enough to join the expeditions team… but that’s not where she was meant to be. She liked watch duty. She was training to be like Kom and Rhett.

Exploring this weird alien planet – going out of her way to deal with its weird crazy animals and environment that wanted to kill them – she’d leave that stuff to those more suited for the task. Like Utopia and Uncle Tonin. Like Dys (as much as she hated to admit it). And… well, Sol.

Not her. Not Anemone.

“No way!” She shook her head profusely. And Sol laughed, but that little light twinkling in her eye had disappeared, so quickly dashed by Anemone’s words that she wondered whether it had ever been there at all. “Nuh uh!" Anemone repeated.

Sol teased her Nemmie some more, but somewhere deep inside, Anemone couldn’t help but wonder that her best friend seemed… disappointed?

---

“Nemmie… do you trust me?”

At the time, it had seemed like a silly question. Anemone’s response, “Of course I trust you,” had been immediate. Automatic. Trust was implicit between the two at this point in their lives.

By their late teens, Sol had done more for Anemone then… anyone. She was at her side defending against every attack; she helped the colony’s scientists cure the Shimmer, and its farmers stave off famine. Sol had even convinced her to break off her toxic relationship with Vace.

“I need you to do something for me.”

So yeah, Anemone figured she could trust Sol, her best friend since diapers, to not do or suggest anything that would betray that trust.

“Nemmie… I need you to sneak out with me during Glow season.”

[kernyen-xo]

She awoke at 4 this morning because she’s cool like that. Seriously, it is not that cool, not when there’s no reason in hell you should even be up at this ungodly hour. This is insane. This is currently my life. What can I say? Well, a helluva lot, but it would be pure whining. So, I’ll spare you. Yeah, that’s right…after I just typed a damned paragraph about it.

Bless you for reading it, you maniac.

So, it’s been awhile. Where to start?

Well, I’m dog sitting while the kid and her partner are spending time away in some log cabin God knows where. Sarah, her partner, texts me where they’re staying and I swear I’ve never read an address like it. At least not in this country.

Btw, when I said dog sitting, I mean 1 German Shepherd, 1 Pomeranian, 1 Poodle, 1 cat, and about 4 hens. No, the kid and her partner don’t live on a farm, but they need to.

It’s not as chaotic as it reads, but it kinda is. The feedings, etc. But, they’re good fur and feathered kids. They deserve all my love, even the hens, although I show them my love from afar. Good, yeah?

Better: My granddaughter will be over and I’ll be taking them out and showering them a butt load of specialness because they just turned 13, and my heart just exploded because they just turned 13. How did that even happen? They were just 4 years old like a second ago.

My momster will be staying with me starting next Saturday. Just a visit and I say this with some skepticism. Anyway, the momster doesn’t want to fly so this makes things freakin’ difficult. But hey, that woman invented the word difficult. She’s 85, so yeah, she’s not driving from San Diego to Sacramento, and she won’t take a train or a bus. Besides, if she did, we’d have to hang a big-ass card from around her neck reading, my name is Momster. If lost call this number. She’s been a pain in my ass since I turned 17.

Anyway.

My brother will drive her to Bakersfield where I’ll pick her up. I asked my bro what time do we meet? He texts back 10 a.m. which is not unusual, and is in fact, quite normal for those 2 because they’re super early morning people. I know I’ve been up since 4 and it’s a weekend (f*** my life) but that doesn’t mean I’m a morning person. It means I’m a reluctant morning person and that I’ll be inhaling water and coffee along with snacks to stay awake as I drive to Bakersfield, not to mention I’ll have to plan for about 13 potty breaks. So yeah, fun times lies in my future. My loss of solitude is weeping buckets despite the fact that I’ve pretty much accepted it. It can be worse, right?

Right.

The good news is that I feel dozy after sharing, so I’m gonna take a snap before I head out to the farm that’s not a farm to dog sit.

Thanks for reading. I know how you crave to read my entries. One day, I’ll sell tickets. We’ll be happy, together by the light of the silvery moon.

[rothjuje]

A quick list of what I miss most about Texas: stone creek, Buc-ees, all the amazing donut places, how close/convenient everything was, how laid back everything was. And my people of course.

I watched the weirdest movie last night. It was set in California and I think I forgot how beautiful it is there, just flowers everywhere. But also, I haven’t experienced spring here. I did see the Boston public garden in May and it was like something out of a fairytale, flowers so big I thought they were fake at first.

I was definitely the biggest whiner ever about snow. It hasn’t snowed in two weeks. With no plans to snow next week either, in fact we’re supposed to have two days in the 60s! Which I don’t think is the norm for here at all and climate change is terrifying. But wanted to note we only had one snowy week and in hindsight it was not a big deal at all. In fact, I miss it. We didn’t even have time to make a snowman!

First thing yesterday morning, before I had even put my glasses on, a kid asked me to blow up a balloon. It wasn’t even half full when it exploded into my right eye. It was so painful I couldn’t even scream. I just remember kicking the couch in agony thinking my eye had exploded. Five minutes later when I could finally open it I realized it was (mostly) fine. But oh man. Close your eyes when you blow up balloons, folks.

Apparently Justin has a yearly meeting that falls over Valentine’s Day. This year and next it’s Feb 13-14. He celebrated with the kids this am and then left for the airport. In our last house, I used to get super freaked out when he left on work trips. We lived by the woods, but we had a fence and I knew all our neighbors and I was still freaked out.

Here we actually live in the woods, we don’t have a fence, I don’t know all our neighbors, we find animal remains on our property—but I feel safe here, go figure. I don’t know if it’s because I view Mass as safer than Texas, or because of neighbor friends. I was close with my old neighbor too, but she was a frail old lady. I know if there was ever an issue with an intruder or the house or a wild animal my bff’s husband would be here in 30 seconds. We also just keep a general lookout for each other. Good neighbors are such a gift. Also, Peabody has become such a guard dog since moving here/being the only dog. It’s annoying usually (especially when he scares people) but nice when Justin is traveling.

Why is it that in above freezing temps our lawn turned brown in Texas every winter? Here we had below zero temps and our lawn is still green. Grass type? Maybe we have moss? I don’t know but I’ll take it.

Can you train cats? I have a friend who swears she can train her cats to stay off counters and leave her plants alone but I just don’t believe her.

I was thinking the other day about how people appear online vs in person. I’ve been told by people lately that I’m high energy and I ask a lot of questions. The question thing is a problem I’m working on, I’m just insanely curious. About everything. All the time. It does make me lol though that people think I’m high energy because I always feel half asleep. Maybe it’s the ADHD. Anyway. I just think it’s interesting that we create personas for people as we read about their lives, like we do for characters in a book.