#12 years of anxiety

[laniemae]

Chances Ojima dies this chapter? /Genuine

Hate to admit it but the chances of Ojima dying this chapter are incredibly likely, I’d say around 80%.

I know I’m usually the one to scream about how Ojima is “certainly gonna die” like every chapter but this feels different as usually it starts off with me feeling safe about him and close to the bda he shows up a bit more and suddenly I freak out about death flags. But the motive hasn’t even dropped yet and he’s already got a ton of screen time, big scenes and info about his character. With the bleeding plot coming into play, his relationship with monomoko and being her favourite student, painting the balcony shutter, and us learning more about his trauma. Like legitimately we’ve gotten so much content of him so early on in the chapter I cannot believe how he won’t die this chapter because he’s been so important. I don’t think a tetro character has raised this many death flags up until now and I’m usually the type to say that we shouldn’t scream death flags at every scene, or we should wait until the motive, but like this is just so much Ojima content. Like I should be happy getting a lot more screen time with my favourite boy but I’m just in complete anxiety knowing that this most likely is his last development before he dies.

Like and even going to story themes, we’ve been getting a ton of development with monomoko and her empathising with the students and questioning the killing game. And since Ojima is her favourite student it makes so much sense for him to die this chapter which could lead monomoko into even more of a spiral as she values his life which could lead to her potentially standing up in the finale of chapter 5. And I could especially see this being the case if Ojima is a killer where she has to send him off to be executed himself, and with how much Ojima is saying how he believes he’s gonna die in the school but also saying that he knows he won’t kill anyone would be ironic.

Also with the mural he’s painting on the balcony, I can’t stop thinking of how perfectly devastating for him to die there would be if he’s a victim. Being killed in front of the painting of the outside world you’ve been yearning for, having your last chance of freedom stripped away like that. Just imagine the unique 5th bda with Ojima’s blacked out sprite in front of the colourful mural unique to that one location. It’s such a perfect setup for him to die there that I can’t possibly imagine that it could go any other way. I heard someone say that if this is the case the student reconvening at the body would be called [Sunset] and just ouch…

God just writing this is making me tear up. Even hearing any discussion or even mention of the likelyhood of Ojima dying this chapter just makes me feel sick despite how much I also say it myself. It just feels different this time as the signs are here right from the beginning of the chapter that I am so so confident he’s gonna die and can’t let myself rest as every day feels like I’m getting closer to my comfort character dying and never being able to see him in an episode again. Like I wanna give my reasons for maybe how he could not die this chapter but at this point it’s so certain I don’t wanna get my hopes up at all so I’m just gonna be sitting here until he dies this chapter and I’ll have to deal with the fallout. If anything I hope an Ojima interview is our one way of giving him some extra screen time before he’s gone forever.

[whirling-ghost]

I am so normal about public transport.

the bus stop is a two minute walk from my house. what is an acceptable time to leave? ten minutes before the bus is due? no, that's too much. five minutes will do.

ahh I've been standing here for fifteen minutes. the bus was due five minutes ago. which is more likely - I didn't see the bus drive past me on this very narrow one lane road or it's late? the first one, clearly

[not-poignant]

I made that bingo card for your writing and now that I’ve read more of it I’m really upset that I didn’t get the chance to put “well trained dog” on the bingo. Because i love dogs. And i love the way you write dogs. They’re so silly. I want to pet them. Side note do you have more dog photos. Only if you have them to share. I dont have a dog so im suffering. Hope ur doing alright also 👍 :) i did not mean to barge in and demand dogs from you.

Alas Polly is not well-trained and neither is Fleet, and both of those dogs would be indignant at the very thought (Isabelle, Iris and Grip are though!)

Anyway, let's have some Tobermory photos! I don't have more recent ones because I need to pull them off my phone, but cuteness incoming :D

(These are from July or thereabouts and omg he's grown into his face so much more since then)

(The last one is a still from a video I took and anyway we collided at full force and in the video I'm laughing so hard lmao)

[foundfamilie]

started watching heartstopper and i've been super careful because of the whole eating disorder. turns out that isn’t even the issue anymore. what absolutely blindsided me was the scene where their mum sends tori to get charlie before dinner. tori being so worried, tori noticing that there’s something wrong when their parents joke about the lack of seasoning. siblings being there for siblings because their parents suck at actual parenting or even worsen a situation at times...... seems like years of therapy can help you manage disorders but what's even harder to overcome is the feeling of absolute despair, being completely alone in the world with no one to turn to or even to trust

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[achronicwriter]

Bootstraps & Band-Aids

I dusted off my planner this afternoon and stared at it. Something in the upper right corner of each page puzzled me for a minute. A number? On each, the numbers either 1 - 12 followed by an X, then the sequence starting again.

Dafuq?!

Oh! *facepalm* In all the chronic illness and political kerfuckery I completely forgot I'm supposed to be 12 Week Yearing. I'm currently on a Week 7. Okay, um... *panic-flail*

Okay. Okay. I can do this. I have basic daily tasks. I have seasonal tasks. I have writing to...

Oh fuck shit hell damn. I haven't written since day-before Election.

Wait. No. I can reset. I'm not behind, I'm right where I left off and it's okay.

This is what happens when everything I've been juggling - all the emotion, uncertainty, medical drama, etc. - falls on my head, finally and all at once.

[paper-bag-arts]

he has worse posture than me when i’m drawing someone get him to a chiropractor

[emma-is-swaggy-and-epic]

An artistic rendition of an experience i had in animal jam when i was 12

Ngl i'm surprised i still have a screenshot of what my old AJ avatar looked like

I only ever played the mobile version, play wild, because i didn't have a computer and didn't know the original existed. I remember i only played as an arctic wolf because all DA KOOL KIDZZZ were doing it (...and also i didn't know what my favorite animal was, this was before i decided to make bunnies my entire personality)

[orcelito]

Omg wait yesterday during the gender communication class (which this one was about cognition and such with gender) they mentioned how adhd is underdiagnosed in girls & often Misdiagnosed as depression and/or anxiety

And then there's me. Not a girl but seen as a girl by society. With my recent official adhd diagnosis that Also denied diagnosis of depression or anxiety, things I had been diagnosed as previously, bc it didn't. Fit.

And so in class I was like. Yeah, that tracks.

[arsenicflame]

tomorrow is babies first pride.... ah im so nervous!

[danieyells]

?????? Why did he tell me everything was fine if my insurance requires me to have been on hormones for 2 years to approve the procedure. . .why didn't he say they won't approve it if that wasn't the case. . .is that outdated information???? Maybe we can lie????

Am i seriously about to have all of my fucking hype crushed???? Maybe I can convince my doctors to lie for me or we can say I was doing it DIY for a few years. People ask how long I've been on hormones a lot because my voice is pretty deep and I look pretty masculine surely we could get away with this???

I feel really fucking beaten down now. Why not stop the discussion and go 'hey they require X amount of time on hormones'. . .I really hope I can convince my providers to fudge the truth for me a little or i'm going to lose my mind i seriously don't know how well i'm going to take it if i can't get this done???? Like I already feel so anxious at the thought. Please everything about me needs this. I am going to go fucking insane if this can't happen this year.

[spitblaze]

Mental illness is so stupid. What do you MEAN I'm getting anxious about playing a video game. Fuck off

[iamnotyetoliverstarksgirlfriend]

Day #148

I am not yet Oliver Starks girlfriend.

[quillkiller]

so funny to me that i have a marauders blog but i dont ever talk about my favorite characrer or my actual otp because im just that protective of them

[ilkkawhat]

woke up to another call off (3rd one this week, different person) and of course it has to be on a shift i have no coverage on at the moment so i'm reaching out to my employees to see who's willing to move around and if they're not i'm gonna have to stay to fill a gap while i'm not feeling entirely good myself.

thank god it's friday.

[werepuppy-steve]

also just a heads up, im probably not going to do anything major until this weekend when im off work! so no theme or posts until then 😔