#that she essentially needs all fridays off for the next 3 months for school.........we managed to maybe do an alternative schedule instead

[ilkkawhat]

woke up to another call off (3rd one this week, different person) and of course it has to be on a shift i have no coverage on at the moment so i'm reaching out to my employees to see who's willing to move around and if they're not i'm gonna have to stay to fill a gap while i'm not feeling entirely good myself.

thank god it's friday.

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[purplesurveys]

656

Where is the last place you had a kiss? My girlfriend’s couch. I normally wouldn’t kiss her inside her house but we were alone, so it just happened. What did you eat for breakfast yesterday? I skipped breakfast yesterday and went straight to having a macchiato, which was a horrible idea considering I had a badddd hangover. My body made me pay for it soon enough when my stomach started unusually heating up, so I bought a sandwich by around lunch to help it feel better. When was the last time you were at an amusement park? 2013. I don’t like amusement parks so when my friends make plans I don’t go along with them. Two weeks ago I was at a school fair which kinda has the same amenities as an amusement park, but I guess it’s not the real thing so it doesn’t count. When was the last time you cried out of physical pain? Last Wednesday. My friend Leigh was trying to demonstrate for me the concept of just-noticeable difference by pinching the skin on my hand. I don’t like feeling pain anywhere on my body, so when she started amping up her pinching I had to yell out. Have you ever done anything to Support the Troops? No. Can’t relate.

Do you donate blood? Nooooo no nope. I just said I didn’t like feeling discomfort on any part of my body hahaha and getting pricked is the worst sensation for me. I wouldn’t be able to donate blood even if I wanted to either – as far as I know you have to be of a certain weight to be qualified, and I’ve never met that requirement. Are you wearing two shirts? No. It’s never too cold to be wearing two shirts here. The only time I had to really do this in a local sense was in Sagada. That weather was b r u t a l. It was the first time my dad turned on the heater in our car and I didn’t even know Filipino cars came with heaters lmaaaaaaao. This was a very long way of saying no. Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? Never have. What were you the last time you went trick or treating? I went as my best friend at the time, Sofie. I didn’t have time (and wasn’t as extroverted as I am now) to come up with a detailed costume, so I went as her – black dress, eyebags, winged eyeliner, and thick hair that was never combed. It had the least effort of all my friends’ costumes, but I got the most compliments on social media lol. What's your favorite morning activity? I am so not a morning person, and I just like sleeping/lying in whenever I can. Can you cook? I am hopeless in that department. Is there a lot of laundry in your hamper? No. My mom’s laundry day is Friday, so it’s basically empty the whole weekend. When do you think you'll have children? In a little less than a decade, honestly. I’m pretty firm in my decision to have kids; it’s my biggest dream if anything. I mean I’m also willing to wait until I’m in my 30s because god knows how expensive everything is rapidly getting these days, but I just know I’ll end up having kids one way or another. Can you point out constellations in the night sky? No. The only thing I can safely point out for you is Orion’s Belt, and that’s because it’s essentially a giveaway lmao. What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? Nothing. It’s one of my least favorite topics. The only thing that got me to enjoy them for a brief period was the Percy Jackson series, but when I finished the books my interest in that world waned fast. Have you ever eaten a gyro? Nah, but close enough – I’ve had shawarma. What's your favorite flavor of Tootsie pops? Mmmm not really a fan of Tootsie Pops, or like candy in general. What's the last thing you bought at a mall? If I remember correctly, I got a toasted siopao in Coffee Bean. Where did your mom go to high school? She went to Colegio de Santa Rosa in Makati. What's a subject you would never major in? Philosophy. My college curriculum required me to take one Philosophy elective, and not only was it the worst experience ever, but I got my second-lowest mark in college from that class. Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? No. I hate asking for money, even from my parents. When's the last time you took a bubble bath? A little over a year ago, probs. I love bubble baths when I manage to get settled in one, but because I’m usually in a hurry when I take showers, the concept of staying and relaxing in a bathtub is a little weird to me so I never do it haha. Have you ever swam in a river? I have photos of me when I was 1, my mom, her sisters-in-law, and their kids (my cousins) swimming in some river.  Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? No. I know I could be messy, but that’s just disgusting. What food do you love the smell of while it's cooking? Curry. What food do you hate the smell of uncooked? I just hate the smell of wasabi in general. Your #2--what's their occupation? Your #3--what color are their eyes? Your #1--what cartoon character would they be? Your #4--are they allergic to anything? All Myspace questions that I’m skipping, lmao. Has a bee ever stung you? No. That’s like one of my top 3 fears so I never allow myself to be near bees or wasps. If there’s any nearby I run the fuckkkkk away. Where did you last go camping? I have never been camping for real. In what month do you start Christmas shopping? Last year I had some stuff ordered by early November – but those were gifts for just my girlfriend. I bought everyone else’s gifts like a week before Christmas. Have you ever slept in a bed with someone with bad BO? I’m sure I have; I just don’t let it bother me because no one’s breath is supposed to smell great in the morning lmao. Do you have a favorite flavor at Baskin Robbins? I have never had Baskin Robbins and I dunno if I will, because it’s just so expensive. Philippine suppliers looove bringing foreign brands like Shake Shack and Baskin Robbins over here and slapping insanely high prices on them just so they’re seen as high-end lmao, it’s sad. Are there fast food wrappers/cups in your car? No not at the moment. If anything there are old receipts. Do you read the newspaper? Very seldom, but given that I’m a journalism student, I encounter newspapers a lot because they’re everywhere in the college. What search engine do you use? Google. Have you ever posted a question on Yahoo questions? Nope. But the website is useful and I just look for people asking the same question I have at the moment. Have you ever been on a dating website? I made a Tinder account a few years ago just to observe it and just for fun. I never needed it but I was curious, so I joined it but I used a fake name and a photo of a cat I saw in school as my profile picture so that no one knew who it was. Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? Save for CM Punk, I’ve only ever had crushes on female celebrities. What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? I dunno, I’ve never felt interested in growing flowers...or a garden, in general. Would you rather have a flat tire or overheated car? Flat tire. As far as I know that can be fixed a little more easily than a completely overheated car. What's the safest form of transportation? Private car, lmao. That’s really your safest bet in this country. Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? They can be taught about it so they’re aware of what it means and asks of them, but kids should also be reminded that at the end of the day it’s an option that they can choose to take or not. When's the next time you'll go to the grocery store? I only ever go when my dad is home because he likes having us along, so maybe in a month or two. When's the last time you went to Chuck E. Cheese? Never. What's your favorite cheese or cheese flavored food? Mozzarella sticks. Do you like black licorice? It’s decent, at best. I won’t spit it out, but it’s not my first candy of choice either. Can you count to 100 in another language? Two, Filipino and Spanish. We use Spanish when referring to currency, so that’s why it’s easy to memorize. Like I’d say I have labing-limang (fifteen in Filipino) notebooks, but when I have to say fifteen pesos, we say it as kinse (fifteen in Spanish). Idk, it’s a weird quirk with Filipinos but yeah. What's the nearest thing to you that can bounce? I don’t think there is anything bouncy in the living room at the moment. Do you hate cleaning? If I have to do it I get lazy. But when I actually want to clean, it can be relaxing. Do you clear dishes in the garbage disposal or in the garbage can? My mom takes out the garbage. Do you watch anything on the E! network? I don’t think our cable comes with E! so the only times I get to encounter it is when we’re staying over at hotels. I like having Keeping Up With the Kardashians on when we do have that channel. Have you ever tried out or thought of trying out for American Idol? I loved the show during its peak days, but I never had the desire to join it. Where's your car keys? Upstairs, on my bedside drawer. Did you keep any momentos of high school dances? From my high school ball, yes. I still have my old gown, photos with Mike, the instrument he used to ask me to ball (a Starbucks cup with the proposal written on it by the barista), and my old corsage. I like keeping stuff like that around so that I don’t forget, not because I still like him lmao. My prom could fuck off, and I have nothing from that night. Do you still have clothes from your high school dances? I have no idea. My high school prom dress disappeared after a while, but I still have my ball gown. The last person you laid in bed with said... I don’t know what you’re referring to but our last conversation was her telling me to drive home safe. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I can’t. Which celebrities would you want to hang out with at a bbq? The Friends cast. Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? I have never seen the movie. What are you doing on Superbowl Sunday? Isn’t it over already? I saw my aunts and uncles post about it on Facebook so I’m pretty sure it’s over. Anyway, I don’t care for football. Ever been to the original 13 colonies? No. Have you ever been to a concert that got out of control? Not really. The most ‘rebellious’ thing that ever happened was at my One Direction concert. The organizers made the stupid decision of holding the show on FLAT concert grounds and not a stadium, for a concert that probably held 10,000-20,000 people. Can you imagine holding that on just the GROUND??? Anyway, my sister and I had the third best tickets which was supposed to bring us to the semi-front, but it turned out to be so far from the stage. Everyone from my section all the way to the back resorted to standing up on the monobloc chairs which really isn’t allowed, but duh it’s One Direction and we wanted to see them. Harry had to call us out and ask us to get down from the chairs and just stand on the ground for our safety, but we kept protesting until they just gave up and continued the show. What's the last thing you watched on tv? Titanic, but we watched it on Netflix. I haven’t seen cable TV in a whiiiiiiile.

Whose show should be cancelled? 13 Reasons Why. Do you like Lindsay Lohan as a blonde? It doesn’t bother me. When's the last time you ate fruit? Last Friday I tried some of Laurice’s green mango with bagoong. Can you jump rope double dutch? Nope. I know jump rope but I never went that far.

[lunebinnie]

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

[mari-vargas]

Hello sudden burst of energy from the what feels like a miracle I received today. I have three stories I’d like to share today, let’s see how many I actually get to today. (Keywords so I’ll remember the other two: sinusitis and unlimited) Two are older stories and the third is of my week this week and said miracle.

(Continuing this the next day; as it turns out said burst of energy basically managed to get me home from work.)

So, “spoiler alert”, the miracle I mentioned is merely that I do not need to go in to work on my regular weekend days. The story however is about why that wound up feeling like a miracle.

I suppose the best place to start is that where I work is a 24/7/365 operation. It never stops, not whole cloth. I work in the quality lab (which handles both quality control and quality assurance simultaneously). Nothing can operate without passing through the lab which means that if the lab goes down so does everything else on site. There’s a couple different types of shifts on site for the needs of the particular areas, but in the lab we have 8hour shifts 5days a week. My shift is day shift, Thursday-Monday (my weekend is Tuesday/Wednesday).

If we need an extra person or someone calls off and needs to be covered etc, one of the other analysts will be assigned to work said extra shift as overtime (OT). For the most part we have this volunteer declaration where we the analysts can declare what days we are willing to work OT if needed. If there are not enough yes’s to cover what’s needed, then there’s the likelihood of forced OT which goes by lowest hours, and if there are two people tied for lowest hours then whoever has the lowest seniority. Many of the analysts try to take as much OT as they can because they appreciate the boost in their paycheck. As such, others who don’t want it generally don’t need to. I am one of the analysts who is no across the board, primarily because while I am in a much better place than high school when I had insomnia I still have issues with sleep and I live an hour away from where I work which in total means that for an “8 hour shift” I’m actually away from home for 11 hours. A 16 hour shift means that, if I get a hotel room (of which generally the closest to my work is about half an hour away) I can maybe just wrangle half of my typical amount of sleep.

Now, on occasion I will volunteer on my “Friday” because by volunteering I can get my hours averaged in so that I’m no longer on the bottom of the totem pole. I did so a couple months ago because I was getting forced OTs over and over and needed to be able to do certain things and know that yes I actually could guarantee my availability on a given day or time. And by volunteering on my “Friday” I then had my weekend to recover without having to do a turn around PLUS if I were to volunteer on one of my weekend days I’m pretty much guaranteed winding up with a double. So anyways I did so I’d be averaged in…only to have that only last about 2 weeks.

Before I go any further: why is there so much OT right now? Well let’s back it up to…I think January of this year. One of our grave shift analysts realized he was making far more in passive income from his real estate business than as working as an analyst and so he moved on. Before our bosses had even started getting any bites for that, another analyst (now from day shift) snagged a position at a different site in the company in a higher position than he was in with us. Ok so far not too bad really. Right around the same time another day shift analyst had to go out for a couple of months due to foot surgery—on both feet and obviously not at the same time. It’s not been almost 6 months and we still don’t know yet when she’ll be cleared to come back (secret aside from my brain—if she even does choose to come back). Okay, okay, well…we’ve still got this… After a bit our most senior analyst volunteered to temporarily switch to the open grave shift because that’s the roughest to try and cover with OT. She was on day shift (for those keeping count that is now 3 people short all from day shift but that’s our largest shift: 3 on grave, 4 on swing, 8 on day). Vacations hit and boy did they hit hard but in all honesty not as bad as November when we had one analyst test positive for covid on the rapid test performed by Occ Heath on site (he went to his doctor that same day for the more reliable test but that takes longer for results and it came back negative but damage done we were dealing with I think only 7 analysts then due to potential exposures—ps we’re pretty sure by now he’s essentially an anomaly for the rapid test because it almost happened again but he got retested after some bureaucratic fumbling and got two negatives after the once again false positive). But we were managing..sort of. Another day shift analyst went out a couple months ago for either medical or vacation reasons I’m not sure. And about a month ago we had a third analyst leave our employ, her being from swing shift and in a relationship with the guy who left for real estate. Her two weeks notice had come before any new hires had started with us, of which we had three because boy oh boy we’ve been drowning because of course with everything opening back up companies who are customers to us or who use what we produce and needing way more to get back up and running and everything is backed up—ling and short we’ve had extra work plus a lot of special samples that by now really each constitute a whole new bench not to mention a new segment of production being tested out and potentially going to be a new product to be sold… Anyways our bosses had managed to convince their higher ups to let them higher one more person than the number who had left (again, at the time, 2). So they had told the first two at the same time, got permission for the third, then before the next onboarding third analyst leaves, so the bosses tell the fourth and final applicant who made it to the interview level that hey you’re in too. They managed to get the first two into a special, sooner onboarding and three weeks later the third started her onboarding and now half a month to a monthish later we’re still waiting for the fourth and I personally don’t know when they’ll be going us.

But anyways we currently have 3 (eventually 4) new hires training and it takes about six months to train said new hires on each bench, two weeks with a senior analyst two weeks alone rinse and repeat until you’ve gone through all benches. So…it’s gotten easier with the first two already having one bench under their belt. But I’ve gotten fairly off track to explain the background of my story. I’ve actually not had too terribly many forced OTs since the first two new hires finished their first 2 weeks and could be on their own on their first bench. Even when they moved to new benches.

So imagine, if you will, I walk in on Thursday, I’ve just come off my weekend which I spent up in the mountains with my SO because said SO is starting a new job with a school district as an IT person so we will no longer have any sort of overlap of days off except holidays. The grave analyst working the bench right by the door greets me as he usually does regardless of what bench he’s on. He says good morning, I say it back, only he then follows it up with something along the lines of “are you ready for your back to back double on your next weekend?” Yeah. I was on the schedule for four forced OTs as a “double-double” instead of having my days off. Cue the existential dread settling in. I moved throughout the day with that hanging on me, coming to terms with it. At afternoon lineout I caught a small break in that the analyst I’d be covering for on swing piped up “hey there was an error in the system, I only asked for Tuesday off”. Okay cool that makes 3 forced OTs instead…somehow already felt lighter. The next morning I take over from the most senior analyst who’d been on my bench that night and she offers to take my Tuesday swing OT “if I didn’t want it” since she’d be working day shift that day and her weekend is Monday/Tuesday (confusing but basically means she could do a day/swing double because she wouldn’t be working grave into day double). Okay cool…that would leave me with just the two day shifts over my weekend. Then throughout Friday my post nasal drip I woke up with starts getting really annoying as a runny nose. Saturday and the runny nose is also pressure in my sinuses. Sunday and I’m sure it’s a sinus infection despite my efforts to stop it. (I have a history with them and to any concerned over covid I get a weekly test at work and I was negative during this.) I will say though, my efforts seem to have made it a faster turn around than usual. Come Monday and I’m driving to work filled with existential dread because I don’t want to call off when I have these OTs because I had to do that last time (basically woke up late, anxiety blew up into a full blown panic attack caused me to throw up and wound up putting me out of commission with migraines and nausea and more various degrees of panic attacks until Saturday of that week…well the panic attacks continued but eventually tapered off to usual manageable levels). So anyways the posted schedule still has me for the double on Tuesday and day on Wednesday. The analyst who had previously offered to take the Tuesday swing was working OT that day and came up to me in the middle of the swift to ask if I had talked with the boss that makes the schedule about her offering to volunteer for me. Regardless of my thoughts on that, what I told her was that I had not yet, and after she reiterated her song and dance about how she’d volunteer if I didn’t want it I went straight up to that boss’s door and let her know. Turns out she was speaking with another of the bosses about the schedule because one of the first two of the new hires had already gotten the hang of the new bench after only a week and that coupled with us finally getting caught up on the extra samples because that same said bench had something happen at one of the plants it covers which then went down which lightened the load for like three different benches and yeah long story short she no longer needed so many people working overtime.

So she says to me, essentially, “how attached are you to working those day shift OTs on your weekend?” tells me the new hire is fine on his own et cetera et cetera. And guys? Tears immediately rushed to my eyes so fast and hard that they immediately flow down my face. It feels like the sky has opened and the sun has sought me out just to shine a warm beam of light through my heart. A burble of laughter bursts up my throat and out of my hardly used mouth (as I hadn’t spoken much at all that day). For those who have seen Rise of the Guardians it looked like a happy flake had landed on my nose. She says “There’s your smile! You’ve been looking so tired today and I was wondering why, but then I saw this schedule and realized it was preemptive exhaustion from what you had looking ahead.” During afternoon lineout she very pointedly wished me a happy Friday.

So yeah…it shouldn’t really be a miracle, but wow does it feel like one.

[earlywrites]

there’s no place like 127.0.0.1 commentary part I: ‘looking back’

Hey gang! Here’s part one of my commentary on my Angela & Robot fic there's no place like 127.0.0.1, a.k.a. A Weekend At Angela’s, a.k.a. Mr. Robot’s Day(s) Off. This will contain spoilers through Season 3 of Mr. Robot.

To start off, the title of the fic itself I got from a fun piece of set dressing in 3x05:

...which (and I'm probably stating the obvious here, but either way) is a play on 'there's no place like home' from the Wizard of Oz, as 127.0.0.1 is the 'localhost' of any given machine.

“Dolores… Haze?” she says, frowning [...]

I believe this is the codename Elliot would have Darlene stored under on his phone, since it’s a handle she’s used in other areas -- recently, as the name of the network she and Elliot used in the arcade during 3x09:

Somehow, he both feels like he’s been hit over the head with a truck, yet at the same time had the best sleep he’s ever experienced in the scattering of days where he’s been the one in charge. The sleeping pills on the side table aren’t a name he recognizes, and the instructional lettering is all in Chinese, but holy balls did they knock him the fuck out. Seems Angela wasn’t kidding when she said she was committed to keeping Elliot out at all costs.

I did a bunch of reading on DID and several people on the forums suggested sleeping pills as a method to prevent alters from switching over in one's sleep. Ambien and melatonin etc all seemed to also promote sleepwalking as a side effect, especially when combined with alcohol (and this is more relevant in part II), so I took artistic licence and made a fake drug that essentially knocks you out with zero (known) side effects, lol.

Residual self-image. Everyone has a face that only they can see, projected outwards into the mirror. A false idol of confidence, of ego, or a shell of dysmorphia and despair – either way, a lie repeated for so long it manifests into your own monster. Or maybe it’s something as little as a smaller nose or a slimmer waistline, look, ultimately, people like to reject reality and see what they want to see – for better or worse, ‘til death do us part, until every feature is stripped back and washed away, and that face in the mirror is just a skull the world has finally fucked. Technically, his own projection is long dead, but reanimated for a greater purpose – a divine one, even, according to Tyrell and his whole wackjob microreligion thing he’s got going on.

Residual self-image is indeed a term from The Matrix, which Morpheus describes as the 'mental projection of your digital self'. Here, it's a literal way that Robot describes how he and other people see themselves, even if in reality it can be very different. The major theme of this fic was perception versus reality, in that both Robot and Angela are focussed so narrowly on their specific ideal outcomes of Stage 2 that they omit or ignore any signs that the plan will not go exactly their way. This is the first area where I start to address that, and basically continue to hold up a sign in big black lettering that goes HEY ISN'T THIS IRONIC THAT THEY'RE SAYING THIS GIVEN WHAT WE KNOW NOW for the rest of the fic.

Still, he only gets wrapped up in this metaphysical bullshit when he’s in the driver’s seat for an extended period of time, because situations tend to arise that take him on a stroll through Uncanny Valley. For example: he showers and then shaves, but no stubble leaves his jawline. He changes into fresh clothes that Angela has left him, but the label on his jacket still proudly proclaims Mr. Robot: Computer Repair with a Smile! (still not his name, no matter how much Elliot tries to pin it to him). Sometimes he can squint through the mirror, rearrange his focus a little bit, and see this analogue of Elliot staring back at him – eyes half-lidded, the pinched anxiety on his face smoothed out. This is what they all see, which really is a poor substitute for the damn good-looking guy he’s facing off with in the bathroom vanity this morning.

Like, I've always wondered about this. Elliot is always clean-shaven after Robot's been in control for longer stretches of time, so Robot must shave, but we know he always has stubble -- how does any of this work, really? Is the fact that we see Robot's face in the mirror just a product of Elliot's overarching control over what is depicted in the show, and Robot actually sees 'Elliot's face? Who the heck knows, Sam sure as hell probably isn't going to explain it, so I'm sticking to this interpretation for now. And, also, no, Robot's never actually referred to himself as Mr. Robot in the show, going so far as to laugh at the idea of Elliot calling him that name when Krista brings it up in 3x02, which is why I have him rejecting it in here.

He tries watching TV, for a bit, but nothing particularly engaging is on basic cable on a Saturday morning – crappy cartoons (they really don’t make them like they used to), some more bullshit presidential candidate Donald Trump (seriously. This, if anything, is why Stage Two is an absolute fucking necessity to get the world back on track) has regurgitated about taxes or something is being picked apart by no less than twelve ‘experts’ on CNN, and the hysteria continues on four other channels. Only one news channel is actually covering the upcoming UN vote, which is quintessential Americocentrism - like, holy shit, the UN is going to sell a fucking country to China, and all people give a shit about is some failed reality star who can't, apparently, do math beyond a grade-school level. The next channel he tries is airing a repeat episode of Teen Mom, which is about the point where he gives up and switches it off, tossing the remote somewhere down the couch.

I don't know what was on US basic cable on that September weekend in 2015, and neither do you, probably. I do know that, around this time, Trump unveiled his tax policy at a press conference. It wasn't on a Friday/Saturday, but then again, September 29th wasn't actually a Monday, so whatever, I'll take some wiggle room on that.

[...] Darlene doesn’t know about the arrangement between Angela and himself, all he needs is plausible deniability for the knock – sleeping pills on the side table, that’s it, that’s the play, if he bunks down on the couch she’ll believe he was so far under he didn’t hear any of it. Wake up, fidget a bit, Elliot-style – keep it vague, let her fill in the blanks—

I would've loved to have seen the Robot v Darlene route, where Robot plays as Elliot and finds out about Elliot's plan to have him followed, and how things might have played out differently from there, but, that would then diverge from the canon series of events I was trying to keep within. I guess we'll never know!

“I know, that’s why I set up a contingency, give me some fucking credit here,” he argues. “It’s a little self-destructive sequence, a ransomware mimic – forget to key the password into the dialog box that pops up every five minutes and you’ll get locked out, and all the files on this laptop will self-encrypt. Only I have the keys, so even if – if – he manages to resurface, he wouldn’t get far.”

I'm sure this is wildly inaccurate, since I know pretty much nothing about programming, lol. We can't all be Elliot, okay!!!

“Is it possible for you to not be an asshole for like, five minutes?” Angela mutters. “Fine. I’ll—wait, hold on.” She brings up the Netflix home page, typing ollie.p.parker@gmail.com into the email field. “Let’s see if he – nope, hasn’t changed it. Why am I not surprised.”

“This is your ex-boyfriend’s account,” he clarifies. Angela hums the affirmative as she scrolls through his recommended titles – fucking hell, there’s at least three different Adam Sandler flicks alone. “Well, good to know he’s still a fucking moron. You sure dodged a bullet there. Or,” he pivots, reconsidering the context, “I suppose, given how that all played out, got that bullet lodged in you removed before it was too late.”

Fuck Ollie, this is the least of what you deserve, you dickwagon. I had a further scene that I ended up cutting because it dragged down the pacing, where Robot convinced Angela to let him 'hijack' Ollie's Netflix account by changing the email address and password and then getting into his email account to verify the change and delete the notification emails. Anyway, he's probably suffering in the post-5/9 economy, so, suck it dude.

He wrinkles his nose. “Oh, that guy’s in this?”

“Who, Christian Slater?” Angela says, looking up over her phone as the monologue continues. She finishes her text and slides it back onto the coffee table. “Not a fan?”

“Of his works? No, I like them well enough, Heathers is great,” he says, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air. “There’s just something about his face that makes me hate him. You know, when you look at a guy, and he has a face that’s just asking for a fist? This guy. He always looks so smug.” He points an accusatory finger at the TV. “What have you got to be so smug about, huh? Besides the fact that you’re probably jerking off to that fat royalty check in the mail every month. I mean, we all know that’s what all the Hollywood schmucks are doing, tugging it to their stacks of cash, but you don’t have to wear it right there on your face so I’m reminded of the fact every time I see it. And it doesn’t help that he spends half the movie miming the act, it just makes it so stupidly meta, Christ, I need to build a fourth wall in my brain and kick over a bucket of bleach – also, by the way, what the fuck, I can’t believe you actually watched this as a child, you—”

This was probably the most self-indulgent thing I got to write. I love that Christian Slater exists in Robotverse, so that I can exercise the 'character played by actor, who also played a character in another thing, thinks this character sucks/is ugly' trope. If you missed it, here's Pump Up The Volume on VHS in Angela's childhood home in 3x06:

She’s silent, for a moment, and the movie plays on. “It helped, in a way. With my mom. There’s a line, that’s always stuck with me – ‘the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.’ See, they don’t approach death in a way that’s nice, and polite, and full of platitudes – it’s angry, and messy, and it’s okay to want to just—” She suddenly leans over to the laptop, clicking forwards a few times.

“I’m sick of being ashamed. I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.” She mouths along with him. “I mean, you look around, and you see nothing is real, but at least the pain is real. You know, even this show isn’t real? It’s just me, I’m using a voice disguiser, I’m a phony fuck just like my dad, just like anybody—”

If you haven't seen the movie, basically Slater's character is reacting to the news of a teen committing suicide, after they had stated the intention to do so on his show - you can watch this scene here. This is, of course, not a movie a young child should watch, but Angela has always talked about her anger regarding her mother's death, and I thought (aside from the self-indulgent aspect of Robot v Slater, lol) it would be interesting to explore how she might act out, a little, like kids sometimes do to cope with grief and pain, secretly watch a Movie Definitely Not For Kids, and within it find a helpful way to release the anger she bottled up. (Also -- she would've loved the lizard. What a cute little friend.)

Somehow, they keep this train chugging along until well into the night. His pick is next – he chooses Snakes On A Plane, just to fuck with her a bit, but it turns out she just loves snakes, because of course she does, so that backfired somewhat, aside from the fact that Snakes On A Plane is actually pretty fun if you really embrace the hammy acting and ridiculous plot. Angela parries, picking a recent release called Jupiter Ascending, a large proportion of which he spends loudly trying to work out at what point in time since The Matrix Trilogy were the Wachowskis secretly killed and replaced by doppelgänger hacks, as Angela sips her appletini and coos over werewolf-angel(?)-in-rollerskates Channing Tatum. He then counters with Sharknado 3, which is definitely a mistake, and then they have to both suffer through all excruciating ninety-five minutes of it because neither of them are willing to budge on their unspoken cinematic war. A victory for him, maybe, but a Pyrrhic one nonetheless.

Angela does canonically love snakes, so this wasn't intended to be a jab at her manipulation of Elliot this season, but, of course, interpret at as you will. This great piece of characterisation is from the Red Wheelbarrow tie-in book for Season 2 (which is an awesome read, definitely recommend):

Second, the 'cinematic war' is totally one-sided. In my mind, Angela actually enjoyed all the films they watched, while Robot basically fucked himself, lol. Look, Jupiter Ascending is a wonderful, whimsical film, that should be taken at face value for the work of art that it is. Space paperwork! Bee princesses! Eddie Redmayne whisper-screaming as he tries to marry his mother! It's an absolute cinematic treasure. I can't say the same for Sharknado 3, but, well, all in good fun.

“First off, the entire concept of monogamy is bullshit,” he replies, and yes, he is going to actually give her a serious answer. “It’s an archaic evolutionary tactic to boost survival rates among Neanderthals that has no place being the gold standard in 2015, in the same way that we don’t kill a mammoth and spend the rest of the year eating hairy elephant ass for every meal — newsflash, supermarkets exist now, there are like fifty different varieties of beans, literally just beans, so it makes zero sense to pledge your undying commitment to a can of Spam, I mean, shit, even if it’s something you actually enjoy, you’d get absolutely sick and tired of eating it and nothing else until you keel over and die. So, on that note, it’s pretty obvious why most of our parents spend the rest of their lives fucking hating each other if they’re not a part of the fifty percent who cut ties before it’s too late, because, yes, alongside the great lie of the picture perfect nuclear family, the modern factory-line industry of marriage is just a capitalist cash cow where everybody thinks they’re getting milk, but in reality? That sure ain’t a teat they’re sucking on.”

This also comes back to the Red Wheelbarrow tie-in book, and specifically, to this scene in it, where Robot rants to Leon about monogamy in the context of Mad About You:

This is probably my favourite scene from the book -- I love the idea of Leon and Robot having long-winded debates on media, and it's a pity we'll never get to see that acted out, lol.

[...] “Fuck Gosling, fuck Stone, kill Groban. Done.”

“Wow,” Angela replies, leaning back, one hand against her heart. “Wow. You’re such a dick. How can you kill Josh Groban?”

“Breaking news! What a scoop. Angela Moss, come and claim your Pulitzer,” he says. “And, to answer your question: very easily. Groban is clearly the least attractive of the three, and so by the metric of this game it condemns him to death.”

“The correct answer,” she says firmly, barreling over him as if he’d never spoken, “Is fuck Ryan, marry Josh, and, well, if I have to kill someone, I guess I have to kill Emma, but I’m sure she’s lovely. Actually, no, okay, if you get two fucks then I do to. Fuck Ryan, fuck Emma, marry Josh.”

I love Angela's love for Josh Groban nearly as much as getting to see Elliot in that 'Property of Josh Groban' sweater in 3x01. It's never been explicitly stated on the show, but my interpretation of Angela and Robot's sexualities is that they're both bi as fuck, so there you go.

“And, you know what? I don’t want to live in a world where everyone’s as cynical and jaded as you, old man. Because,” she hiccups, ending it in a giggle, “That’s what you sound like, you grumpy fuck, like you’re pushing eighty, not long until you start yelling at kids—” and at this, she cups her hands over her mouth, imitating a megaphone, “Get off my lawn, you capitalist piglets!”

“Okay,” he says, shaking his head, grinning in spite of himself as she yells out ���you bourgeoisie microscum!” in a shitty imitation of an elderly man [...]

This is my favourite piece of dialogue in this entire thing. 'Bourgeoisie microscum' fucking kills me every time I read it. Originally I also had 'pushing fifty' as a sly wink at Christian Slater's real age, but no middle aged man has quite the curmudgeonly attitude to pull off 'bourgeoisie microscum'.

That's it for part one, folks! Thanks for reading, if indeed you still are. Click here for part II :D

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Okay last one: "We make damn beautiful babies." your modern AU

Hope you like it, sweetie!

-

There were certain words that made Alex’s stomach hurt; they made it tense up and jump and feel oddly hollow, like there was nothing inside him but dry, useless air. It was like he was allergic to a list of very specific words, the sound of them alone like sandpaper on his immune system, taking his legs out from under him and making his eyes burn with tears.

He tried to tell himself that this was perfectly normal. Everyone must have this reaction, it must just be that everyone hid it better than Alex did. He couldn’t be the only eight year old on the planet who had to make a break from the classroom and go hide in the toilets, rocking and hyperventilating, while the other kids were happily constructing their family trees from glitter glue and craft paper. He couldn’t be the only young man who could go from bar to bar, having different one night stands but never being able to bring himself to kiss any of them, who promptly made his excuses and fled if anything beyond the next few hours was mentioned. He couldn’t be the only one whose first language felt a little too heavy on their tongue, who felt eyes staring at him in blank, accusatory judgement whenever he used it. He couldn’t be the only one who felt cold sweat drench him and the lining of his throat thicken at that last scene of that one episode of the Simpsons, Homer staring at the stars in silence after watching his mother drive away. He couldn’t be the only one whose throat went dry at the acrid smell of cigarette smoke, who suddenly felt himself propelled back to being small and scared and counting the tabs in the ashtray on the kitchen table to try and assess if his father had burned through enough to put him in a good mood. It couldn’t just be him.

Because if it was, what did that say about Alex?

So there was a handful of words, an unspoken, deliberately thought around list of words Alex couldn’t stand to hear, that he had to dance around and stumble over. He’d just accepted a long time ago that he would have to adapt to it, limp along as best he could. Those words were closed off to him.

And then he’d met Eliza Schuyler. He’d somehow been brave enough to love her, to tell her, to marry her and now they were starting a family. He’d earned a few of those words back thanks to her.

And one of them, maybe the most important to him was home.

Now home wasn’t a sickening feeling of falling, it wasn’t a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go down no matter how hard he tried to swallow. Now home was a quick journey on the A train, rattling, screeching rails, a short walk through the heights, a flight of stairs where if felt like the building manager added a few more every day while he was at class, just to annoy him, the way the librarians seemed to add a handful more pages to his textbooks to make them heavier. Home was knocking the heavy door open with his hip, dropping his bags carelessly in the short hallway, forgetting them for at least a while. Home was the tiny apartment, feeling instantly small in a way that was a little claustrophobic to most other people but Alex was like a cat, he craved tight spaces and close walls so he could feel safe; cluttered from floor scuffed and covered with rugs to chipped ceiling, piles of books and clothes and mugs from the morning’s hasty breakfast, pictures tacked onto the wall where they had no frames, homemade paintings on the walls to cover the marks, the furniture all pushed close together, the smells of baked sugar and mejorana, warmth and the cool outside air creeping in through the cracks in the windows. And more than anything, home was Eliza. Eliza smiling, Eliza laughing, Eliza teasing the wisps of his hair that escaped his ponytail, Eliza dancing around the kitchen lazily, Eliza leaving little notes in his pockets for him to find in the middle of class when he went searching for a pen to replace the one that had run out of ink in the middle of class. More recently, Eliza vastly pregnant, arms wrapped around her belly like she was hugging whoever was tucked away inside, shaking him awake at three in the morning to feel the restless nudging against her skin, having conversations with her stomach about him in a loud voice he was definitely meant to hear, falling asleep on his shoulder in the evenings and letting the blanket she was embroidering for the baby fall to the floor.

Alex had a home now and it was better than anything he could ever have imagined.

The thought alone made him smile as he made his way back from Friday’s classes. They’d seemed to drag even more with the knowledge that two days of blissful sleep were in front of him, of waking up with Eliza in his arms and not having to disentangle himself, where he could finally finish making notes on the seventh baby book he’d gotten from the library, make more of the honey muffins Eliza had been craving since she’d eaten the last batch he’d made in one night, finish assembling the bookcase for the baby’s room. Still being busy, buzzing with activity and energy the way he liked to be, but on his own terms rather than law school’s. That was as close to relaxing on the weekend as Alex ever got.

He found himself in an inordinately good mood as he practically bounced home, winding his way through the busy, crooked streets, knowing the faster way home in between the bodegas and takeaways and tiny, bustling stores, away from the main streets. Alex took lungfuls of the not exactly fresh, when was the air ever fresh in New York City, but at least cool December air. The autumn this year had been stifling, apparently just to turn his poor pregnant wife into a grumpy raincloud, and he was glad to feel winter was behaving itself, even if it meant he had to burrow closer into his thick, oversized jumper, one of his thrift store finds, and curse himself for still not finding a suitable winter hat.

He ducked into the bodega they favoured, the one that was just a stone’s throw from their apartment, the one that had been keeping them afloat through so many hits of random cravings at odd hours of the morning. They’d barely recognised Alex the first time they’d seen him when he hadn’t rolled out of bed two minutes prior to walking through the doors.

Mimi, the bodega’s cat, came prowling around his legs, seeking scratches behind the ears and tickles under the chin, her low, rumbly purr probably asking where the lovely, soft lady he usually came in with was, the one who would scoop her up and give her cuddles and usually slip her a little treat.

“She’s kind of hibernating these days, hon,” Alex whispered fondly in answer, “Little one’s tiring her out. I’ll tell her you said hi though.”

They had a little list of things they needed, Alex did his mental maths of what they could afford, how much money they had left for the week, what could be sacrificed and what was essential, as he weaved through the aisles, Mimi shadowing his steps. He’d been earning a little here and there, writing articles for student websites, Laurens had got him a few gigs for a pittance that had kept them from the razor’s edge. The aim was just to not have to ask Eliza’s parents for anything, Alex wouldn’t allow that and Eliza agreed, both of them determined to survive off their own backs, prove their point. If he had to go without his meds for a few months, if they had to still sleep on a mattress sans actual bed frame and put on a jumper when they were cold rather than turning the heating on, then so be it.

Alex found them some milk, some bread, a few eggs, some rice and found to his delight that he had enough leftover to buy a bouquet of the slightly limp but still brightly cheerful flowers for Eliza. That would make her smile.  

After a short, friendly conversation in rapid fire Spanish across the counter, a goodbye tummy rub for Mimi and a few more blocks, he was taking the stairs two at a time, feeling the need to see his Betsey grow more and more insistent as he approached their door, as the time until he had her smile back in his life grew shorter.

“Honey, I’m home!” Alex called out brightly, making the same joke he always made.

“Alex!” her voice returned, full of sunshine with only an edge of tiredness, but undeniably delighted to have him home. As much as he tried to do it, as the clouds in his mind whispered to him on his worst days, when he actually opened his eyes and saw and listened he could never doubt that Eliza loved him back, every bit as much as he loved her.

And wasn’t that a wonder.

He genuinely couldn’t find her at first in the press of their apartment, looking at it sometimes was like looking at one of those magic eye pictures where you had to squint in a certain way to bring things to the foreground and see they had been there all along, just out of focus. It was just so busy, clashing patterns and colours that didn’t quite go together, too much stuff in really too small of a space. But that was how they liked it, it just gave it all such a sense of being theirs, put together and lived in and loved by just the two of them. Neither of them had ever really had a space of their own, Eliza living with her family all her life and Alex being shifted from foster home to foster home before escaping to another country entirely, and now that they did and got to share it with the person they loved to boot, it was like all of their excitement at the prospect had had to cram into this tiny, kind of poky, kind of ramshackle but much loved apartment in the heights. There was a reason the instant they’d seen this place, they’d known instantly, with just a bright eyed look passed between them, that this was where they would live.

“Over here!” Eliza laughed, suddenly ducking into his view, appearing from low down, crouched in amongst the little library corner that had long ago spilled from the one bookcase trying to hold all their books to tall, precarious piles growing like a forest from the floor.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Alex smiled, closing the distance between them and dropping to his knees so he could cup her face in his hands, kissing her long and slow and insistant, like they’d been separated for days rather than hours.

“Hey,” Eliza’s face was flushed and her eyes were bright by the time they broke apart and she could reply, “There’s my boy!”

“Here I am,” he chuckled, spreading his hands in kind of a presenting gesture before it sank in what she was doing, “Betsey, sweetheart, I said I’d do this when I got home, you should be sitting down.”

Eliza gave a slight roll of her eyes, letting the books she’d been organising fall from her hands and clunk on the floor, “Busted. Okay, okay, I thought I’d just make a start…”

“Damn right you’re busted,” Alex nodded firmly, helping her up, helping her maneuver her clumsy new shape back over to the musty, sagging couch they’d gotten from a thrift store, where the nest of blankets he’d carefully constructed for her that morning to hide in until he came home, with everything she might possibly need in her reach, lay.

“You going to punish me then?” she sighed, playfully long suffering, though quite happily curling back down into the warmth and softness, even better now she could pull Alex into it all with her.

“Maybe later,” Alex shrugged, kissing her upturned nose, “But for now…” He chose that moment to produce the flowers from the shopping bag with as much of a flourish as he could manage, “Ta da.”

“Oh, Alex!” Her reaction was exactly as he’d hoped, his Betsey had a real fondness for flowers. Their megre little balcony was already overflowing with flora so much so Alex was a little concerned it would give way one of these days and a miniature version of a parade would come crashing down on some poor soul’s head.

“You didn’t have to,” she murmured as she rubbed one of the soft, butter yellow petals between her fingers, enjoying the feel of it, “But thank you, they’re lovely.”

“I thought you’d like them,” Alex shrugged coyly, his face darkened a little, especially after she covered his face with a flurry of quick, soft kisses, every part of him she could reach, “Hey!”

They collapsed into giggles for a little while, the dust and exhaustion of his day rattling from overwhelming class to overwhelming class, telling himself that he had to keep his head above the water because he just didn’t have any other choice, fell away and he felt his chest filled with the humming, warm sensation that he’d learned only Eliza could ever give him. He slid his arms around her middle, happy to note she was at least still wearing pyjamas, nuzzling at her neck, satisfied for a moment to know that this was why he did everything he did. For her, for their baby, for the years ahead of them they had together.

“Can I get you anything? You hungry?” he mumbled against her soft skin.

She shook her head, leaning into his embrace, “I’m fine. Feel like I’m going to burst.”

“Still, you have to eat,” Alex sighed but he wasn’t going to push it. He’d left her with an apple, a banana, three glasses of water on the coffee table and he was appeased to see them all dutifully consumed. He could understand that her appetite was a little off these days, with someone else taking up much of the real estate inside her stomach. He’d insist on it later but for now, he saw no reason to leave the couch.

He studied what she’d made of the other treasures he’d left her as she happily arranged the flowers in a mug on the table. Fortunately the trash can was unused; her nausea had thankfully settled down a lot in the last few weeks, he didn’t know how he’d have made himself leave her all day if she was still miserably throwing up every three hours. Fruit, eaten. Remote in a different place from where he’d set it down, so at least she hadn’t been bored. Phone had moved too, one or both of her sisters must have called or maybe Martha Manning or Dosia Burr. Her embroidery had grown a little more too, that was good to see. Her bookmark had sank a few more chapters deep.

And the baby book he’d left her was still lying exactly where he’d left it for her, spine untouched, the scraps of paper he’d been using to mark certain passages he wanted to reread and get a better handle on, maybe make more notes, stayed regimented in place.

Alex sighed and stretched out his arm, bringing it into his grasp with a few straining fingers, “You get to the last chapter yet?”

“Um, nope,” Eliza hummed, delicately unapologetic, “Not yet.”

Alex smiled in that knowing, crooked way he did that made so many people assume he was an arrogant asshole. Which he was, but not because he smiled that way. For other reasons.

“And why is that?”

“Cos I don’t want to,” Eliza shrugged, burying her face against his neck, still not meeting his eyes.

“Baby, you do realise that it’s happening, right?” Alex huffed gently. He’d been trying to get his wife to read the chapter on childbirth for a fortnight now, she kept evading him, “And this is the best book out of all the one’s I’ve read, it’s really useful.”

“Don’t care,” Eliza said primly, “I’m not thinking about it until I absolutely have to.”

“Eliza…” he chastised gently, though he couldn’t exactly blame her, he’d winced the first time he’d read it too but he’d also learned a hell of a lot, “The more prepared you are, the easier it’ll go….”

“Nope. Nuh huh,” she gently knocked the book out of his hand, back into exile on the coffee table, “I have Martha and I have you. You guys can be prepared, I’ll just…take a back seat.”

Alex snorted, “I don’t think this is the kind of thing you get to take a back seat on really…”

But then Eliza’s lips were back on his own, silencing every other thought in his mind other than christ, she has such soft lips, how does she do that and her perfume smells so good and when they eventually parted with a small sigh from him, she’d somehow won the argument without saying a word. There was no way he was going to keep badgering her about this when there was the promise of more kisses in her playful, triumphant smile.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” Alex mumbled, pulling her down so she could rest her head on his shoulder, winding her arms around him and cuddling him close.

“Won’t matter in a month or so anyway,” Eliza pointed out. As fidgety as the conversation made her, the thought made her smile. She wanted to see the face, the eyes and the smile, that were attached to the gentle nudges and kicks she felt.

“Five weeks and two days,” Alex smiled, letting his eyes drift closed, kissing the top of her head, “And what, about six hours?”

“You know that precisely?” Eliza giggled, squeezing him.

“Countdown on my phone, dude,” Alex chuckled, digging his phone out of his pocket and showing her, it was the very first thing that came up, “Gonna be the best and scariest day of my life, I’m not about to miss it.”

“I’m pretty damn sure I’ll notify you,” she admitted, pressing herself closer to him, “But that is the sweetest damn thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Oh! Oh, you even have the sonogram as your lockscreen.”

“Of course I do,” Alex smiles, blushing a little self consciously, a little happily, “So I can look at it when class and work and everything just…gets to me.”

Eliza felt her heart ache a little, feeling Alex’s pain in turn with her own, simultaneously hating that he felt like that when he was out of her reach, when she couldn’t hold him so tight her fingers turned white, but immeasurably thankful that he had something to hang on to and make him feel better. She’d give anything in the world to take away some of her husband’s burdens, the weights he carried around with him that made him look in turns older than he really was and yet somehow painfully young, too young to have seen everything he’d seen. If their baby would start to help heal some of it, she’d thank every god she could name.

“I like looking at it too,” she smiled softly, peering over his shoulder so she could see it, her finger tracing the edges of the odd, fuzzy collection of black and blue and grey shapes that made up their baby as they currently were. Or rather, as they had been a few months ago. They were growing so quickly.

“It’s cute isn’t it?” Alex beamed, “We make damn beautiful kids, Betsey.”

Eliza giggled, “Yep. We make really, really beautiful collections of smudges.” She was joking but she understood exactly what she meant. In that incomprehensible clutter and jangle of absorbed sound, there lay their future. And it really, really was beautiful; there was no other word for it.

The rest of their evening was spent happily curled up together, dozing a little, chatting a little, half watching the back end of last night’s movie, a lot more kissing. Even the short handful of steps felt too long, the three at most from the couch over to the mattress hidden in the pile of blankets and pillows that served as their bed, they’d spend the money to replace the frame on the baby’s crib. But it was soft and it was warm and Alex could hold Eliza from behind, his palm tracing a slow arc across her tight skin to soothe the baby inside back into sleep if they woke in the night.

He could regain every one of those words he’d lost but none of them, not a single one, would ever mean as much to Alex as home.

[fuck-customers]

I have a nice workplace in terms of management and most of my coworkers so my experience here may be a bit skewed but I'd like to speak about my experience with something that affects a lot of people on this page MENTAL HEALTH IN THE WORKPLACE.

This is gonna get long and I've actually cut out a lot to save explaining because it's a bit ...shitty... but here's the main story. 

I just wanna say on the out -  don't be afraid of sharing. I found that sharing actually did help me a lot at work, and if I told them earlier it would have saved me a lot of hassle.

I've worked for the same company for almost 4 years now. I started as a high school student, transferred and then continued as a university student. Before that I worked in a really terrible small store as a summer temp, and I've worked for my school during the summer for three weeks (and ongoing corresponding throughout the year that I'm paid for) as part of a summer school exchange. But. My focus for this will be my main job and the store I'm currently at.

I suffer from an anxiety disorder - with it brining symptoms of depression but I would never really say I had depression or even depression and anxiety. I don't take meds and I'm not currently in therapy (I had a short stint at the beginning of this year but had to bail as it interfered with class). Although I believe understanding your symptoms is important I'm not 100% of self-diagnosis but I was pretty sure prior to diagnosis that I had problems with anxiety. I was diagnosed in 2014. 

I'd never properly brought it up at work. I sometimes mentioned feeling increasingly more anxious at times when I was at store 1 during my high school days and this was brushed off. I think my supervisor said something along the lines of, "everyone gets like that! just relax!" he was a pretty nice guy, but, a bit dim. Another time I told him I was stressed and he told me I was too young to be stressed. 

The first time it came up was when I first got introduced to my current manager. I was working in the store for about 2 or so months when my manager there quit. I was heartbroken because I really hated my then "new" store at the time and constantly felt homesick - him and maybe one or two others made it bearable. What's worse, my new(current) manager was known to a lot of the staff already as he worked between our store and another store as a supervisor a few years back, and then became a temporary ASM before the current one came. I was opening with him on maybe his third shift back, it was me, another staff member and someone completely new. He didn't say one word to me - really - as he wanted to help the new person and he knew the other person. I felt super uncomfortable as for that whole shift I felt forgotten about - he spoke to everyone else as they were either a new seasonal staff or he worked with them beforehand. I was just not on his radar. At this time. I hated this place even more. At this time, my anxiety was hella bad. I had a lot on my plate, like, a fuckload of shit that I'd rather not get into online and it would probably get us off the point of this place. 

Essentially, I needed to clarify something with work that my old manager had told me was okay but it didn't seem to be noted anywhere. As I didn't know him at all, I asked supervisor number 1 about my issue. Supervisor 1 shrugged me off and told me I'd have to speak to our boss about this. He wasn't in on my next shift, so, I decided to ask supervisor 2 - supervisor 2 was less helpful than supervisor 1 as she told me the exact opposite of what I was hoping. I cried the whole way home. I felt trapped and hopeless.

I even contacted my old manager asking if I could transfer back down. It was almost Xmas anyway, so, I could just go home (although this was not ideal, abusive household). I only lived about 100 miles away so I could always travel to there on a Friday night, work the weekend and come up mid-Monday as I had no class either until the summer (when I would just come home and work...again not ideal but at the time I was getting a lot of money for my age as I was still only 17) or I could just work there until I found a new job here.

The next shift I was in was with my manager, it was a Tuesday starting early, I don't know why I was scheduled in for this shift as I had class. But. I went anyway. I thought fuck it, I'll ask him. As I didn't know him that well I just explained my situ and also what Supervisor 2 said to me. I also told him (truthfully) that I'd been having panic attacks since Supervisor 2 spoke to me.

His response was kinda ...weird. He thought it was "fucked up" (exact words) that he had no handover on the issue and immediately sorted it. He told me later on that shift that "nothing work related should make you that anxious EVER". And we left it like that.

I still felt left out at work. My manager still didn't really speak to me. My anxiety was getting worse due to class/bad family back "home" and work. I recall getting told off by my manager for something really trivial and for asking for a holiday a few times for him to snap at me before storming off to enter it. I assumed he didn't like me. I was a pain in his ass. 

Shortly after this, I got hit by a massive anxiety truck. I felt so low, I couldn't leave my bed. I missed so much class and so much work (although I lied and said I had food poisioning from work as I didn't know how to bring it up). And then... I felt better. I was scheduled for work at 9:30am on a Sat, which was pretty standard and the night before a few of my high school friends were in town for a gig, so I met them after it for a drink. Honestly, I don't drink A LOT - I have a very low tolerance made worse by anxiety. Since I was in class all day and was meant to work the next day this would be the only time I'd see them for a while. I lasted one drink and felt overwhelmed. I had to go home. I cried all night and couldn't calm myself down. Before I knew it, it hit 7:30am and I was still shaking so badly. I honestly couldn't make it out of my place to get the bus. Serving customers was off the menu. I'd only been back on shift as well, and hadn't done my back to work. I called in and it was Supervisor 2 - who I really hated and was leaving soon. But. I just told her. I couldn't lie anymore.

"You've been off a lot."

I had been off a lot - at my old location I was off ONCE and that was because I had a sickness bug and was sent home the day previously. (I had to throw up and couldn't make it to the bathroom so threw up outside the store...lovely). I'd been off here a lot - mainly due to catching illnesses but more recently due to anxiety. 

"....I'll go see a doctor?" I shrugged.

"Yes, do that. I'll say to manager." 

I had a long weekend (inc Monday) of wallowing in self pity before making my way to the doctors on the Tuesday. My doctor could see I was intensely stressed and asked me if my student loan could cover my living costs (no) as my job seemed unnecessary due to my university commitments. By this time I had lost around 20 lbs as well - I was never skinny to begin with but this weight came off in about 2-3 months essentially because I was living off ramen as the thought of cooking/going to the shop seemed too scary (hahahah you're such a student with your ramen nope I'm fucking mentally ill). He offered me medication but I denied, as I was worried about adjusting to them so close to my deadlines. I planned to start them that summer but I'm still not on anything. He wrote me off for a further two weeks for both work and uni, but, I was behind on uni so went in anyway. 

I didn't want to go back to work. The thought of work made me feel so ill and so anxious. I started looking at new jobs and filled in an application for a stockroom job for a museum gift shop. I was just waiting for the right time to contact my old manager from the first store for a reference because there was No Way In Hell my boss was gonna give me a reference. 

When I returned, after trying not to cry as I reached the door, my boss grinned at me as I walked in, "HEY WELCOME BACK! :)" 

"...hi..."

"I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

As I entered the staffroom, a new face was there, "HI I'm Supervisor 2.1!" Supervisor 2 had left already, phew. Supervisor 2.1 kept talking and talking and talking. He was nice. I already decided I liked him because he seemed to have little filter and seemed genuine. 

"I used to work at [other location] but I live in [same place as me] so this is closer! And I'm getting more money as I'm not a SUPERVISOR!!! Just getting used to the busses!"

I smiled and told him I got the busses too and would help him tonight. 

As I was about to start, my manager called me into his office to do my paperwork and also dragged Supervisor 2.1 in to show him how to do it, and to keep him "in the loop".

"We need to do your back to work form. But this is quite serious."

I thought...fuck... he thinks I'm faking. I'm gonna get fired for a lot of absences. 

Nope.

We filled in the form as usual and looked over my doctors note. He said he recalled the time I told him I was taking panic attacks and just thought I was exaggerating and he apologised a lot for thinking that.

He then told me he valued me so much as a team member as I always got shit done and was a hardworker, he apologised if he'd ever been "off" with me as he said he just didn't really think I liked him or needed constantly guidance on tasks.

We had this long-ass chat about mental health. In which he told me he'd been on and off anti-anxiety medication for the past 5 years. He went into detail about how he didn't go into his old work at all and eventually got fired and said he was super proud I sought help before things went too far for me in regards to either work or school. Supervisor 2.1 chipped in and said he's a very nervous person, perhaps not anxiety level but nevertheless very nervous.

It went on for an hour and since then, we've had a great relationship. And I mean REALLY GREAT. Essentially, we worked out we were basically the same person - I would have probably never found out this shit if we never had this long-ass convo. I also become really close friends with Supervisor 2.1 who constantly gets me into trouble for talking to him and coming back late from lunch as he always insists on dining out. 

I think I was making myself quite distant at work because I was in a bad place mentally - and because of that - I was getting increasingly anxious at work.....the cycle went on.

Since then, I've obviously had "difficulties" but it's been super easy to talk to managers about it. I once mentioned, in passing, to our ASM how the messy tshirts unsettled me and she switched my zone in the store so I could go tidy them (I was doing nothing anyway). I've had reviews and have been praised for hard work and customer service - with downsides being confidence, usually. 

Recently, I had quite a bad anxiety "relapse" - I asked my manager if I could talk to him - as it was fucked anyway and an issue at work with one coworker and another being assholes to myself and another coworker made it worse. Mixed in with deadlines, I needed either reduced hours or a couple of back of house shifts to help me calm. We talked out the issues and I took a panic attack that he managed to talk me out of before it got too bad which, sadly, kinda set him off a bit as I noticed he was stimming quite badly. He checked up on me that night and thanked me for sharing.

Due to the fact I get easily stressed and my work knows this, they are happy to fit my schedule around my class and deadlines. Something that before they were a bit like "meh" about. 

I just wanna say PLEASE DO NOT DO A ME AND HOLD IT IN UNTIL IT GETS REALLY BAD. I still get very stressed and nervous when I think about that time in my life - if I had been more open earlier I would have saved myself a lot of stress which in turn made my mental health worse. 

[tailsbeth-writes]

The Serpent Or Me - Part 4 (Bughead/Serpent!Jughead x Serpent!Reader)

Jughead has never cared about fitting in, as long as he has Betty and the gang he knows he has his place in Riverdale. However, Southside High has brought him an odd comfort and new friends very easily. The serpents have taken him under their wing, one in particular y/n has started to show him how things work in the gang. Jughead starts to grow a fondness for y/n that feels uneasy, he’s stuck between two worlds. Where or who should he choose?

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

Characters/Pairings: Jughead, Serpent!Reader, (Mentioned) Betty.

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 1599

Notes: So this has a lot of reflection rather than action, I hope it’s not too repetitive. This was more to get the story in the right direction more than anything. Lots of drama in the next 2 parts! Expect a new part every Friday from now on, so part 5 will be up on 7/7/17.

Masterlist.     Read on Ao3

Jughead’s POV

Betty: Hey Juggie, miss you as always. Kev is here and we’re watching 80s movies, I’m sure you’d approve. So I was wondering if I could maybe meet some of your new friends, like y/n or whoever. I feel like a gf should surely know who her bf’s friends are, haha :) xxx

I read Betty’s text over a few times. It felt off, she’d done nothing but protest my new life and now she wanted to be involved. If it was a genuine attempt at accepting Southside was a part of my life now, I couldn’t really refuse her.

I was waiting for y/n to pick me up, we were on watch for the Serpents again. We’d got in to the habit of meeting a little earlier so we could hang out before the job. I decided I’d ask her about meeting Betty, it was worth a shot. Y/n pulled up in an orange truck, I quickly shuffled in and she set off again.

‘How’s Jug tonight?’ She enquired.

‘Erm, a little confused frankly.’

‘Oh, what’s up?’ She turned to me briefly with an empathetic expression.

‘Well Betty just text me saying she wants to meet my new friends, she even named you specifically.’

‘Wow, I can see why you’re confused.’

‘Would you want to, I mean, meet Betty?’ I edged in, I was weirdly nervous. Not only as to why Betty wanted to meet my friends now but also because of what I now had with y/n. Whenever we hung out we just drove around and talked, I felt like I could open up to her about anything without judgement. Plus she’d introduced me to some other people at school, I didn’t feel like the loner kid anymore and I actually liked it.

‘Sure, if you’re cool with that of course.’ She stuttered a little.

‘Yeah, I just want Betty to see that Southside isn’t so bad, that I belong there just as much as Riverdale. You’re definitely a big part of that, y/n.’ I admitted.

‘Aw, look at Jug being all sappy.’ I rolled my eyes as y/n turned to stick her tongue out at me. We pulled into a parking lot that the Serpents were looking to take on, we’d be here a few times this week already and this was our final night. We knew the coast was pretty much clear by now.

‘Seriously though, I’ll meet Betty. She sounds great from everything you’ve told me anyway. I just hope she doesn’t judge me for being a serpent.’ Y/n bit her lip nervously.

‘She won’t. Maybe don’t mention it too much at first. I think easing her in slowly is the best way to bring her round.’

‘I’ll ditch the jacket then.’ We chuckled a little at her comment.

‘Good idea.’

After being at Southside High for a month, I had grasped the daily routines and marked the differences between it and Riverdale High. While the lessons weren’t particularly different, everything else was.

Instead of the parking lot being occupied by hand me down trucks, it was mostly motorbikes. Instead of heading straight to the school lounge, Southside made you go through a security check. It didn’t matter if you were one or not, it made you feel like a criminal.

While at Riverdale, I had my small Scooby doo gang to rely on and otherwise I spent my time on my own. I’d escape the rest of the student population by putting on my headphones or diving into a good book. I thought I just wasn’t a big people person but since coming to Southside High, I’ve realised they just weren’t my people at Riverdale. Here I don’t need to hide away, I can walk down a hallway and actually greet people. Y/n introduced me to pretty much everyone she knows, my dad’s reputation proceeding me definitely helped. At lunch, I actually looked forward to the conversation as well as the food.

Before it was torn down, I worked at the Drive in. I did miss that job, I essentially got paid to watch movies and as a film buff that was perfect. The Projection shack came in handy when I needed a place to crash too, it made a good home for me. It was certainly comfier than the janitor’s closet that I had to move on to. The word ‘employment’ wouldn’t be quite right for what I considered my job now; being a serpent. Instead of working in exchange for a real pay cheque, it was for protection and family. The Serpents were this rag tag family that I naturally felt I belonged to, I had never managed to get that feeling in Riverdale despite being in my own version of the Breakfast Club.

My extra-curricular activities differed plenty too. Back at Riverdale, I wrote for the Blue and Gold. I couldn’t say no to Betty, she drew me in and now I’m so glad she did. From that moment on, we were inseparable. While we spent time writing and investigating Jason Blossom’s murder, something naturally grew there. It was inevitable.

Southside High barely offered an extra-curricular activities on the other hand. I mostly spent my spare time with y/n, she’d taken me under her wing pretty quickly. I found myself comfortable around her. We shared the same sarcastic sense of humour, it was our way of dealing with the crappy hand we’d been dealt in life. While I felt I had to cover up my situation with Betty, it was all out on the table with y/n.

As I laid in bed, waiting for y/n for a late night drive, all these thoughts intertwined in my head. I thought of y/n’s laugh, how it was soft and infectious. Just remembering it, brought a smile to my face. She could sense when I was upset, she’d simply let me know she was there by placing her hand on me. Y/n knew when words were too difficult to say, she knew when silence was necessary. I weirdly found myself comparing her to Betty. She sometimes overstepped, not letting me tell her my story in my own time. It was her natural curiosity, which I loved, ironically.

I could hear a car horn honk from out front, y/n had arrived. I put my jacket on and shouted to my guardians that I was heading out, they’d gotten used to my usual routine by now. The closer I got to the door, a warmth grew in my stomach. I felt guilty when I remembered the last time I had this feeling. It was when Betty and I had our first ‘moment’. I pushed it down as much I could but as soon as I saw y/n’s face, my stomach was doing somersaults. My feelings had caught up with me. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I liked y/n as more than a friend.

‘Earth to Jughead. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’ I finally concentrated on y/n talking to me. I barely even noticed I’d got in the car. I couldn’t help but stare at her face, even with an agitated expression, she looked beautiful.

‘Sorry, I’m just tired. Can you just drive?’ I lied.

‘Can do.’ She chirped and we were off. As much as I tried to look forward, my eyes grabbed occasional glances at y/n. The last of the day’s sun illuminated her, giving her a stunning glow.

‘So when do I get to meet your girlfriend? I’m free Saturday if that works. We could go to that diner you love so much, I want to try one of these amazing burgers you go on about.’ I had almost forgotten about Betty’s request.

‘Oh yeah. Um. Saturday should be fine. I’ll text her now actually.’ I realised I hadn’t even replied and it was Tuesday. We’d gone from texting and phone calls every day to only when we wanted to meet up.

Me: I thought I’d replied already, I’m so sorry. Are you free on Saturday? Y/n wants to go to Pop’s, she’s never been x x

‘Done.’

‘Great, I’m actually looking forward to meeting her. I’ll try not to embarrass you.’ She turned to give me a grin and lightly punched my arm. My eyes widened at her touch, I tried to keep my heart from beating out my chest. I chuckled to cover my nerves but I wasn’t even convinced.

‘You sure you’re alright Jug?

‘Yeah, yup.’

‘Are you nervous about me meeting Betty, is that why you’re acting weird?’ Her voice waivered a little. I had to get it together, pretending that was what was wrong was probably for the best. I glanced out the window and realised we were heading towards the edge of town.

‘A little. I just want you two to get along. I mean she’s my girlfriend and you’re one of my best friends.’ She pulled up to a forest, one of our frequent spots. Y/n turned to me and gave me a graceful smile.

‘Thanks Jug. It’s going to go okay, I promise.’ I could feel my emotions coming up again. I gave her a little smile back. I got out the truck and took a deep breath before getting into the back. Y/n joined me, she pulled a blanket over us. We sat there in silence, watching the sun go down. I took another glance at her. Her y/e/c eyes were focused on the sky, taking in every detail. There was a beautiful act of nature happening in front of me and all I could focus on was y/n. This was bad.

Read Part 5 here.

Series Tag List: @andywicked @crazyrabbitslaughing @pufflethehuff @letsstarsfalling

Riverdale Tag List: @jaib2-blog @bitemeorfightme

[liu-lang]

mental health & job stuff - tw: eating disorders, anxiety, sexual assault, self harm 

this week has been difficult. on tuesday and thursday, I saw my new therapist and psychiatrist respectively. 

the moment i saw my therapist’s office, i had reservations on whether she could relate to me. she was a white woman, perhaps in her 30s who was wearing one of those ... convertible skirts ?... you know the one where you can wear as a skirt with a foldable waist band thing tt also can be worn as a tube top dress. i just google’d convertible skirt and patanogia came up (white ppl who have the luxury of time and money to go camping in the summer brand). her office smelt like one of those autumn-scented candles. she had a chakra wall hanging / scroll thing. the appointment started off pretty open-ended. i think she was trying to give me ~space~ to open up so that the conversation flowed naturally. but i just felt kinda lost bc it took me months through 2 clinics and 3 intake appts to finally see her. @ tt point, i’m tired of hearing “so tell me why you’re here today” .... my scepticism increased exponentially  when she recommended practising yoga, being present and mindfulness training. honestly, idk why she works there ? bc she’s serving patients seeking treatment through the LA County Department of Mental Health. considering the issues they face and their lived experiences and socioeconomic status, i don’t think following a 10-min yoga lesson through an app (she seriously tried to recommend an app to me) is gonna make a difference. anyway, my next appt is in another 3 weeks. 

my psychiatrist is an older Filipino women, maybe in her 40s or 50s ... and the way she talks kinda reminds me of my mum (who is a big trigger for me). she asked lots of racially microaggressive questions before reading my file. really reminds me of how my mum exotifies my sisters and i for being mixed. i had to repeat details about my race, country i grew up and family structure a lot. she asked about my religious beliefs and i affirmed that i still identify as a muslim then she asked me if all muslim women have to go through female genital mutilation (there is a history of FGM in my family) ... and just, i can’t. her question came out more as a statement that she wanted me to confirm. i had to explain how it’s more of a mix of sociocultural factors than religious practise, tt not every muslim woman is subjected to it and there is an international response to educate these communities on its harmful effects. 

she also brought up the sexual assault tt happened when i was in high school. i alr felt distrustful and uncomfortable @ tt point ... i couldn’t make myself refer to him as a paedophile. she asked me who was this man and i just like... lost for words ? felt too ashamed ? ... i’m really stuck on how i couldn’t just refer to him for what he was. i guess i do have lots of lingering issues feeling like i am to blame for what happened. we also ran into some issues with my rx. my current pcp didn’t recommend me for my usual annual cardiology visit bc she believes i’ve been stable for a long enough time. but my psychiatrist strongly prefers if i can get an ECG. she did give me a rx for 10 mg lexapro though so... we’ll see how tt goes. i decided to finally seek medication because of my anxiety at work. i didn’t want it to affect my job performance. they also took my vitals ... the usual stuff, my blood pressure is low and i’m underweight. i need to go back for blood work on tuesday. 

speaking of job performance ... i went to a career fair at my alma mater. i had a federal work study position at the career development center as a communications assistant (basically a combo of outreach, distribution, marketing, social media management, data anallytics) so it was different to be on the other side of things. one of the employers present contacted me for an interview. the interview was successful and they extended me an offer. then they gave me the runaround for 2 weeks and i received an email yesterday rescinding the job offer. needless to say, i was blindsided. here’s the time line of events

10/19 thursday - attended job fair

10/20 friday - received a call to schedule an interview then an email confirmation for interview

10/24 tuesday - went in for interview (had to move my psychiatrist appt which essentially changed my psychiatrist so ... idk if i could have had a better fit. i’m miffed abt this.)

10/25 wednesday - phone call from HR offering me the position, they told me i could have until 10/30 to make a decision. they also said they wanted a 11/06 start date if possible. i told them i had to give 2 weeks notice at my current employer as proper protocol

10/27 friday - i rang HR and left a voicemail indicating i’d be interested and wanted to discuss benefits etc 

10/30 monday - i rang HR again and told them i had left them a message on friday and would love to hear back from them soon. no phone call back. in the afternoon, i sent an email to the recruiter i originally handed my resume to letting him know i’ve been unsuccessful in reaching the HR person and would appreciate an update. he rang me back assuring me the offer was still on the table and they would gladly have me and he would email me an official offer by the end of day, also stressed 11/06 start date and i again repeated the 2 weeks notice spiel and could HR send me a summary of the benefits 

11/01 wednesday - i ring HR and finally speak to the HR person. she didn’t receive any of my messages and the recruiter didn’t inform her of what i requested. she said she usually is not in the office mondays and fridays. she sounds in a hurry and is in the middle of doing payroll. i keep it short and express interest in accepting the offer. could i have summary of the health insurance plan and possibly negotiate a slightly higher salary ? she agrees to send me a official written offer by the end of the day or tomorrow. again they emphasise 11/06 start date... i’m like really confused but just repeat that i would love to start asap but also what about 2 weeks notice

11/02 thursday - i receive an email from HR rescinding the job offer with the explanation they had already filled in all the positions they were recruiting for. 

this post is getting super long. there were red flags abt this company from the beginning but i was holding out hope bc surely a university would have thoroughly vetted the employers they invite to a career fair. also bc i worked for the CDC and knew these employers & established a rapport through my position there. i’m still trying to process everything. i’m mostly crushed at the realisation tt i will have to work another black friday in retail. i would hear things abt ppl not being able to work bc of mental health issues. i nvr discredited them but i also didn’t really have a concept of it ? now i have a lived experience. it is tortuous having to think of slogging through another holiday season when i was so close to leaving. i had a co-worker who just left and we were congratulating each other on finally getting out. it feels so defeating and depressing to still be stuck / left behind. this feels so much worse than an outright rejection. added onto normal anxiety associated w/ the recent grad job hunt, now i’m catastrophising what if this happens with another potential employer ? i keep wondering about the reasons why they rescinded ? maybe i shouldn’t have negotiated ? maybe i should have just accepted when they rang - i didn’t have any other offers on the table... maybe i tried to get in touch with them too much ? maybe i didn’t pass the background check ? maybe something went wrong w/ my references ? ...even though they kept insisting on like an impossible start date plus never sending me an official offer therefore preventing me from resigning and agreeing to their start date. i kinda want to have a meeting with my ex boss to let her know about my experience and maybe get advice on um... being aware of warning signs to prevent this from happening again ? but i don’t want it to sound like i’m blaming the university for bringing on shady companies ... i know my experience is not reflective of everyone else’s. it’s hard not to internalise this and feel like there is something wrong with me. another thing is ... i have like no written evidence of everything in between so on email it just looks like i had an interview and then they rejected me. and my phone calls which they nvr answered looks like i was the one hounding them when ... understandably i wanted to move the hiring process along bc they were adamant on the 11/06 start date. i also needed the time to make the very big financial decision of buying a fucking car in order to get to work (the office is in orange county which has 0 convenient transport options esp. going btwn LA and orange counties) 

i’m really anxious abt having more allergic reactions at work - especially bc the managers now know. i have an appt with an allergist but it’s not until january. idk if my skin can survive. i can hide it when it’s on my body but lately it’s been flaring up on my hands - which i use to touch merchandise, handle money, stock shelves, build displays ... just lots of touching and hand contact with possible allergens. i cried in the car after work yesterday and have been battling thoughts of self harm since wednesday. sigh... i’ll have to call this afternoon asking for next week’s work schedule at the store. tt familiar feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting everything to stop is coming back. 

[metanoeo-hos]

LOCKDOWN - THE 2020 PANDEMIC

#3 The Boyfriend

Crystal could not wait for this year to end. She could not wait to write that very last paper at the end of her high school year, put her pen down and rush home to her mother so they could start packing their bags.

The last two years had just gotten from bad to worst and still now she did not know how her or her mom had made it this far. Calvin her moms boyfriend was a ruthless, selfish and pathetic bully. When he was not at work he was home making Crystal and her moms life hell.

It had gotten so bad over the last two years that friends and family members had now chosen to just distance themselves. They started to believe their efforts had become futile. First with mom who kept going back to that sorry excuse for a man of hers and then with me for not wanting to leave mom to live with them.

How could I?

When she had been strong she had always been there for me, always. How could I now leave her when she needed me the most. Would I ever forgive myself if Calvin beat her to death, how could I ever live with myself. Knowing I had abandoned mom when she needed me the most.

There was hope though. Over a month ago when I was trying to protect mom from another beating from that evil son of a pig he had for the first time ever turned his anger towards me. One moment I was blocking off mom and the next there was this massive blow across my face and I felt myself being flung towards the wall.

I woke up to find mom sitting over me, tears running down her face. She was praying and my head was pounding, I could not open my one eye. That night she promised me that all I needed to do was just finish my final school year and then we would leave for good and never return. One more year seemed like forever when living with an oversized bully but for mom I was willing to make that sacrifice. Just one more year and it had finally arrived.

Weekdays were bearable because Calvin left early for work and came back exhausted at night. So we just did our best not to get in his way or do anything that would spark an argument. It was the weekends that were extremely tricky and nasty. Fridays he would come home drunk looking for a fight and anything would spark his temper, anything.

Tonight wasn't different from any other Friday. He started by ranting that his boss was taking him for a fool and messing with his pay and then when he went into the kitchen and found a cooked meal he went crazy. Throwing the pots and going mad about how we were flushing his hard earned money down the drain. Mom got up to clean but I quickly pushed her into the bathroom and locked the door. Then I pretended to be on a call regarding my school work.

That quieted him down and he made his way to the room and fell asleep. He did not want people minding his business or coming over to tell him how to live his life. I unlocked the door for mom and when I let her out I noticed she was shaking all over. I felt her head and she was very hot. Dear Lord I prayed this is all I needed right now. This man would beat her thinking she was making it all up.

That night while I was in the kitchen getting meds for mom to help with her fever an idea crossed my mind. Why hadn't I thought of this before I wondered excitedly, if it worked our weekends could become just as bearable as the weekdays.

The next day I put my plan into play. I went into the kitchen before Calvin woke up then I started mixing together a handful of painkillers together with medication for pain and fever. I then added it to his coffee and took it to his room together with the toasted sandwich he liked which mom always made for him.

"Where is your mom?" He demanded.

"She is just getting rid of some of those church people with pamphlets at the door" I lied but knowing full well that is something he won't question and will hopefully keep him in the room until the meds took. Five hours later he was still in his room and I started to wonder if maybe I had killed him by mistake. I peeped in and he was just sleeping, I'm not sure if I was sad or relieved but I knew I didn't want to go to jail for murder.

By Sunday morning mom's fever had broken and by the afternoon she was out of my bed and in the shower. I was impressed with myself for nursing her back to health even though she needed to eat and have lots of liquids as she was still very weak. When she was dressed with clothes I had brought from her room she asked about Calvin. I contemplated telling her the truth then changed my mind.

Mom was a terrible liar and Calvin always saw right through her. I just told her that I think he also wasn't well and was sleeping it off. Calvin only woke up again very late Sunday night, had something to eat and drink barely said a word and went back to sleep. I smiled to myself thinking he will get his weekend dose again every Friday night or Saturday morning, I will make sure of that.

By Wednesday evening now that all the meds had completely left his system Calvin's temper seemed to be returning. I was busy with my homework when the screaming and shouting started. I braised myself before running out the room to mom's defence. The piece of filth had the broom in his hand and was busy beating her with it. I managed to get mom out of harm's way but not before getting a few beatings myself. We sat outside on the lawn for what seemed like hours before we quietly made our way back inside the house.

Friday night I mixed his weekend medication into his beer and the rest of the weekend was peaceful again. Mom kept checking on him and almost killed me with shock when I even found her trying to wake him up at one point. I told her he is getting old and can't handle his alcohol anymore she must just let him sleep it off.

Monday he was off to work again and I very impressed with myself. I just needed to handle this just until the end of this year. Then mom and I could be free and live our best lives. It would be hard at first but we would get through it. Together, without Calvin we would be unstoppable. In the middle of our school day we were called to assembly. Not sure what was going on I joined the rest of the crowd just as the school headmaster started to address us.

As the kids started to file out and head back to their classes I just stood there dumbfounded. Did I hear right? Our Government had initiated a lockdown because of some virus from China.

Wait!

What?

Everyone had to isolate themselves in their homes as of Wednesday and as of tomorrow all schools would be closed, all businesses closed and no gatherings allowed.

All the kids seemed so thrilled, some couldn't wait to get home. Whilst others hugged their friends promising to stay in virtual contact.

No, no, no, no, no, ....

My world was spinning. Calvin's job did not fall under essential services which means come Wednesday he would be home EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!

This was not happening, this was not real. Crystal knew that she had to think of something, anything. For her safety and for her mom's life, that man would surely kill her. His probably also gotten wind of this by now and just waiting to get home to take it out on his fragile punching bag. Crystal ran to her classroom to fetch her school bag and before anyone could stop her she just ran. Passed the halls, down the steps, through the entrance she just kept running. She needed to get home first, she needed to get mom to safety fast even if it was the last thing she ever did...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Written by Chantelle Jerel

Lockdown in South Africa

09 April 2020

#shortstories

#Coronavirus

#lockdown2020

#isolationcreation

#thepandemic

#freelance

#writers

#writinglife

#writerscommunity

#critics #welcome

#theboyfriend

#tobecontinued

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

Spinning the Plates

I have always had the greatest of respect for stay at home mums. During my maternity leave I only had a snapshot of what life would be like and it’s hard. Very hard. Personally, that was never an option for me. I’ve always been career-minded - never to the detriment of my family life, but I could never not go back. I need to be mentally challenged (as I’ve found out from a few jobs that didn’t do that) and I was always going back to work. Yes, i’ll admit i would have liked the option for the year off, but on statutory maternity pay, that just was not a possibility. How anyone survives on it with a new baby who needs new clothes every few months and nappies etc, is beyond me!

My return was scheduled when Cailean was just about to turn 7 months. I had some keeping in touch days which really helped, and i also had agreed a phased return with my manager: first two weeks at 3 days and then the next two weeks at 4 days. I would then be back to work as normal, full time. I had applied for flexible working and have a 9 day fortnight on trial so i work longer hours to get every second Friday off. I travel a lot with work, with probably half or even more than half of my accounts based in either Northern Ireland or the Republic of Ireland. I am very lucky to have an understanding manager and the business agreed to trial this for 6 months. 

I suppose i should explain what i do, for those of you who may not know. I work for a legal publishing business called LexisNexis. They are part of the global RELX group who are responsible for publishing the original Gray’s Anatomy (the medical book rather than Meredith’s TV show), but they are also known for the global phenomenon that is Comicon. LexisNexis were the original publishers of Halsbury’s Laws of England, and the Stair Memorial Encyclopaedia - basically the Laws of Scotland. Now, the company have online platforms where lawyers access legal research, and equivalent products in the tax market for Accountants under Tolley. I am a qualified Scottish solicitor and I work in the Customer Success Team, offering training and support to my clients in relation to our products. I cover Scotland, NI and ROI, as well as some accounts in Carlisle and Newcastle. I’m home-based so although i travel a lot, when i finish with a client i come home to continue working. Some people would struggle with this, but I’m quite disciplined so i don’t find it a problem.

I always knew given statutory maternity pay, that i could only go off for 6 months. The start of my maternity leave couldn’t have started better - because Cailean’s due date was a weekend, legally i could have my maternity leave start from the day after, being a working day on the Monday. Given he was a due date baby, this couldn’t have worked out better! I officially rejoined the payroll on the 6th of October, which meant i essentially had almost another month of annual leave that had to be taken before i returned. It also meant i was paid as normal in October, which was very much needed!!

You are entitled to 10 keeping in touch (KIT) days while on maternity leave. I used about 7/8 of these. You are paid in full for those days, and they are broadly interpreted so team meetings, shadowing colleagues, re-training etc can all be considered as KIT. I shadowed two of my colleagues for trainee training at my clients, shadowed online training and also ran mock training sessions for new colleagues who had started since i went off. There had been a few changes to the products and different processes while i had been off, so this was actually a great opportunity to catch up on those, as well as not being too overwhelmed when I was back properly.

I’m about a month into being back at work now and I can safely say, it’s also hard work!! Thankfully, it helps that Cailean is so settled with his childminder and has taken to it so well. We made the decision he was too young for nursery at this point, and were lucky enough to find a childminder I have known most of my life. Her mum was the childminder while we were all at primary school, and now she has taken over since having her twin boys. The kids absolutely love her and her mum and Cailean is taking so much from it already. It seems everyone has taken a shine to him, him being the only baby! We’re really happy and pretty sure his development will come on in leaps and bounds being around so many older kids.

Almost immediately after returning to work, I had a full day in Dublin and then an overnight in London. That was hard - in Dublin I was up and away before Cailean was up, and back when he was in bed. London was the first overnight away from him and I kept imagining the beeping of the sensor on the baby monitor!! The reality is, when I’m in Belfast or Dublin I’ll be spending two nights away from him at a time so I’ll just have to get used it and I’ll just have to be a bit smarter about when I travel so I don’t disrupt him too much.

I feel like most of the time I’m spinning about a hundred plates. I drop him at the childminder for 8ish and then I start work at 8:30am. When he’s home, my husband feeds him his dinner (solids now) and then we try to get him down for another nap. Usually i’m still working away at this point. You don’t get any time to yourself where you once did when you finish work. You’re straight into looking after your baby until he goes to bed. For us, we managed to pull this back to 8:30pm and more recently, 7:30pm. The issue is, that leaves very little time to yourself and you’re so knackered, you end up getting ready for bed and then messing about on your phone because you’re determined to have ‘me time.’ You then only have weekends for catching up with people so get booked up quickly, and before you know it it’s back to the start of the week again! In amongst all of that, you still have dogs to walk, a house to keep, shopping to do, in my case, my exercises/physio appointments etc. 

I think it just comes down to being organised. I have to have everything ready the night before, (lists if necessary!), know my husband’s shifts in advance and plan accordingly. It also helps to have my mum on standby! I don’t necessarily think I’m doing great at everything, but I’m trying. I’m still learning as a first time parent, but the key is, I’m doing my best and hopefully one day, Cailean (and any subsequent children) will know that.

I think my main worry is, I hope he knows I’m doing this for him. I went back to allow us to be more comfortable financially, so we could do all we can for him and give him the most opportunities we can. I also think about the milestones i might miss out on - crawling/walking for the first time; first tooth (if it ever arrives!!!), the list is endless. It goes back to what my mum told me, you are now a parent - welcome to a world of feeling guilty! 

[thechasefiles]

The Chase Files Daily Newscap 4/10/2019

Good Morning #realdreamchasers. Here is your daily news cap for Friday, October 4th, 2019. There is a lot to read and digest so take your time. Remember you can read full articles via Barbados Government Information Service (BGIS), Barbados Today (BT), or by purchasing a Weekend Nation Newspaper (WN).

PUBLIC INEFFICIENCY TURNING OFF INVESTORS – A “tardy, obsolete and poor” public service is causing Barbados to lose out on millions of dollars in foreign investment, former central bank governor Dr DeLisle Worrell has claimed. Declaring there was no shortage of capital, he argued that while local and international investors showed great interest in Barbados and the rest of the region, inefficiencies have become a major stumbling block. In his October newsletter, Worrell said: “The truth of the matter is that declining international competitiveness, not finance, is strangling investment in Barbados and the rest of the Caribbean.  “A significant upgrade in the quality of our public services is not the only factor in economic recovery, but it is the single most important key to unlocking the investment potential of Barbados and the rest of the Caribbean.” The veteran economist said there was often talk about the hundreds of millions of dollars of “idle funds” at commercial banks that should be put into investment in order to create employment and grow the economy. But he stressed that every investment project would require a number of goods that were not made locally, and would therefore require spending of precious foreign reserves to obtain. He explained: “A basic feature of economies as small as Barbados is that all business investment, from hairdressers to supermarkets to power plants, has to be financed mainly in foreign currency, not domestic money. “That is because the domestic currency cannot be used to acquire essential inputs from abroad, such as equipment, vehicles, materials, fuels and other inputs.  “This is true whether the project is large or small, private or public, for domestic production or export.  “It follows that all investment of necessity requires a substantial proportion of foreign finance.  “This means that the Barbados dollars in banks cannot be put to use in financing investment projects; for that, the banks will need to receive a larger supply of foreign exchange, from tourism, international business, manufactured exports or other sources.”  He added that an abundance of local currency finance would have no effect in the absence of investment projects that offered a competitive rate of return, and were undertaken by reputable, well-regarded companies. Instead, said Worrell, the key reviving investment and economic growth was to improve competitiveness. He declared: “Government services that are tardy, obsolete and of poor quality, along with deteriorating infrastructure, are causing the Caribbean to lose out to the competition. “Public sector inefficiency continues to cost the Barbadian economy hundreds of millions of dollars in investment.  “Meaningful improvement in the efficiency of public administration and the delivery of public services will be rewarded with a recovery in investment. “As is well known, there is no shortage of investor interest in Barbados’ competitive tourism, and in renewable energy, from Barbadians and foreigners.  “These investors, local and foreign, have access to the foreign exchange they need for the intended investment.  “Government administrative difficulties of one kind or another block the way to the realization of this investment.” (BT)

CUSTOMS & BUSINESSES TO MEET – Ahead of meetings tomorrow between the business community and the Comptroller of Customs, a major distribution company is reporting some improvement with the new Asycuda World system, which left dozens of containers stuck in the Bridgetown Port. But some companies are bracing for thousands of dollars in losses if shipping companies refuse to waive storage fees incurred during the upsetting slowdown in late September. In addition, concerns have been raised about new customs tariffs, which could cause certain goods to increase by 100 per cent. President of the Barbados Chamber of Commerce and Industry Trisha Tannis said she would be better able to address the issues after the discussions. However Andy Armstrong, Marketing Director at major distributor, Armstrong Agencies Ltd told Barbados TODAY some operations at the port have “settled”. (BT)

SCOTIA BANK SHIFTING TO CUSTOMER DEMAND – Customer demand still drives change among the nation’s banks, as one commercial bank declared it was doing all it could to keep up. Manager of Premium Relationship Banking at Canadian-owned Scotiabank Carla Boyce said the bank continues to innovate solutions to meet customers’ changing needs.  Scotiabank, which has pulled out of a number of Caribbean countries while maintaining a presence here, has closed branches and urged clients to use online banking and automated teller machine services. Boyce said: “Today, customer expectations are driving fast technological changes. “Our customers are demanding easy, global and seamless mobile services as well as experiences.  “Banking is adapting to meet those demands.”  As part of Scotiabank’s digital focus, she said, it was now investing more than $5.5 billion (CA$3 billion) annually in technology across its network. She said the bank was ensuring it maintained a high level of security as it made the technological changes. “We are excited to introduce improvements that will benefit customers and help them save time and money,” said Boyce. The bank’s digital thrust, she added, has seen the introduction of a number of upgraded services including a digital branch in Warrens, special alerts to provide increased protection and security and smart automated teller machines. Boyce declared: “You can expect other enhancements to services over the next 18 months,” at the bank’s Premium Banking A-Class showcase at the Simpson Motors showroom in Warrens. Sales Manager at Simpson Motors Penny Johnson said she was delighted to work with Scotiabank on the sale of the new Mercedes-Benz A200 sedan, adding that her company was also keen on keeping up with customers’ changing demands. Johnson said: “Like Scotiabank, our brand Mercedes-Benz is fast developing new and revolutionary technology to satisfy the needs of a younger, more connected and fast pace customers.”  She said the new A-Class model was one example of such technology, pointing out that it came with a voice command ‘Hey Mercedes’ that offers a number of personalized features. The vehicle, which comes in hatchback or saloon version, retails around $160,000. (BT)

STRIKE ACTION AT TREASURY BUILDING – Some government workers operating from the Treasury Building in Bridgetown are outside the building, protesting work conditions there. Nation Online understands the latest grievance is about the air conditioning, but this only adds to the list of problems. Notes circulating on social media among staff said “enough was enough” and it was “time to take a stand.” Those notes listed headaches, sinus problems, mental fatigue and high absenteeism among workers. Staff members were awaiting the arrival of their union representative while management is at this time meeting in an effort to resolve the matter. There have been environmental issues in the Treasury Building before. In January 2018, a pungent odour drove staff from the Accountant General's Office from the building. There were reports of mould spores found on the compound and some staff were relocated. Recently, Prime Minister Mia Mottley said the building would be converted to high-rise housing. (WN)

BRA WORKERS BEING MOVED – In two weeks, the Treasury Building in Bridgetown will be almost empty. Minister in the Ministry of Finance Ryan Straughn made this promise to scores of frustrated workers at the Barbados Revenue Authority (BRA) who walked off the job yesterday around 10 a.m. They had become even more fed up with what they described as unbearable conditions in the “sick building” which was compounded by faulty air conditioning. Straughn told some of the 160 BRA workers they would be relocated to the nearby Bridge Street Mall by October 14 where the Rural Development Commission (RDC) and the Urban Development Commission (UDC) are housed.  (WN)

SMITH STILL IN TALKS WITH NUPW OVER DISMISSAL – Former general secretary Roslyn Smith and the National Union of Public Workers (NUPW) are still battling about whether she was wrongfully dismissed. NUPW president Akanni McDowall provided this update yesterday, while noting that the parties were still negotiating. “We met with the Labour Department on September 20, and those discussions were cordial. Sister Smith brought her representatives and we put forward our case. There were some interesting points made during the meeting. “Suffice [it] to say, those discussions will continue and once we have a conclusion to the matter, we will be able to report to the press in a more fulsome manner,” McDowall told the media yesterday. (WN)

FULL MARKS – Principal, teachers and students at the Belmont Primary School have given the upgrades carried out at the plant by the Ministry of Education, Technological and Vocational Training a passing grade. The school, which reopened last Monday, September 23, closed early on its first day after staff and pupils complained of a strong paint odour following works conducted over the summer vacation. Some parents also took issue with the water-borne portable toilets which were temporarily placed at the school by the Ministry until the prefab bathroom which was being built offsite, was installed. However, there were many smiling faces last week when the school reopened. Principal Pamela Ifill said they were “pleased” with the work carried out by the Ministries of Education and Transport, Works and Maintenance to ready the school for the start of classes. “As you can see from the smile on my face, we are quite happy. We returned to school [last Monday] and everyone has expressed their joy and pleasure at the upgrades that we have seen. The prefab building that was really termite infested, a lot of woodwork has been done on that. It is almost like a brand new building and the children are comfortable in there. I am also happy to say that we’ve had an upgrade in the nutrition room facilities – again a problem with termites – so cupboards have been refurbished, the netting has been replaced. “But one of the biggest joys is that of the refurbished bathrooms for the boys. For a very long time, we have been putting up with bathrooms that had a lot of issues – old plumbing, for example. So it is really overwhelming to see the upgrade that has been done. Even the girls have new facilities. Even though the building is the old building they are accustomed to, everything in it has been replaced so there are totally new fittings,” Ms Ifill reported. She said that worthy of note was that for the first time, boys now had sinks in their bathrooms. Prior to the new facilities, they had to leave the bathroom and go to another area of the school to wash their hands. The Principal said parents and teachers were also happy with the improvements, which included the repaving of the yard and fixing the roads leading to the school. (BT)

TASTIER SCHOOL MEALS ON THE WAY – The Ministry of Education, Technological and Vocational Training is reviewing the School Meals/Food and Nutrition Policy for private and public primary and secondary schools to offer healthier and more “appetizing” options for students. Minister of Education Santia Bradshaw made the disclosure yesterday during the Heart & Stroke Foundations’ media launch of the model schools initiative. The initiative is part of the foundation’s Childhood Obesity Prevention campaign dubbed Switch It Up. Six schools: The St. Michael School, Alexandra School, Reynold Weekes Primary, Christ Church Foundation School, The Rock Christian School and Queen’s College became no sugar zones from Tuesday, October 1. “We have started the process of looking at the school meals policy in relation to nutrition because that obviously is something that, from our preliminary discussions, has not really been reviewed over the years. “I encounter a number of children who complain about the school meals service sometimes; they are not satisfied with the type of food. And I think the time has now come for us to be able to evaluate what we are giving to students, to be able to look at ways we can prepare meals in a more exciting way. We are dealing with a lot of issues in relation to what children eat at home and then what we are saying to them that they must come to school and eat,” Bradshaw explained. While lauding the Heart & Stroke Foundation for its training of vendors and school canteen operators, the Education Minister said Government needed to create a balance between entrepreneurial activity among vendors and ensuring there were healthy school environments. She said the draft food and nutrition policy framework would focus on the sale of dishes prepared by canteen concessionaires, serving sizes sold to students and the types of snacks sold by vendors. Bradshaw contended that persons should not view the draft framework as the demise of vendors but as a “prime opportunity” for Barbadians to take entrepreneurship to a different level. (BT)

PASS THE LAW AGAINST JUNK FOOD – New regulations restricting the sale of unhealthy food in school should be backed by legislation, Government has been told. During the second phase of a mass media campaign of the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Barbados (HSFB), local and international stakeholders in health, youth advocates and at least one religious organisation called for school meals and canteen guidelines to be solidified in law. HSFB president Dr Kenneth Connell told various stakeholders at the Queen’s Park Steel Shed that an opinion poll indicated that 88 per cent of Barbadians have strong concern about childhood obesity, 92 per cent back a national policy and 72 per cent support the banning of sugar sweetened beverages. And while decisions have been made to restrict sugar-sweetened drinks in some schools, he urged media executives to make Barbadians more uncomfortable about the worrying trends. “Media has the power to make our governments uncomfortable such that there are eager to bring about change,” he said. At the event, students from numerous “model schools” joined master of ceremonies, Carl Alff Padmore in a number of exercise routines to promote healthy lifestyles. (BT)

CHANGE HABITS & LIVE LONGER – Many people’s jobs are killing them slowly, says president of the Heart & Stroke Foundation of Barbados, Dr Kenneth Connell. The physician and University of the West Indies lecturer said both employees and employers needed to make their workplaces healthier as occupational habits were contributing to shortened lifespans in Barbados. “We spend more than 60 per cent of our week at work, which is actually a large health environment, so we need to incorporate health into work, whether it’s by making healthier food options or getting exercise at work. Some seem to think exercise has to be on a treadmill but it doesn’t have to be,” he said. Connell was speaking to the media during a break in the second day of the three-day 2019 Human Resource Management Association of Barbados Inc. People Leadership Conference, themed Connect. Share. Grow. (WN)

QEH ASKING FOR URGENT BLOOD DONATIONS – An urgent call has been made for O negative blood donations at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. The donations will replenish the Blood Bank’s supply and ensure that blood products are available for patients with serious medical needs like cancers, blood disorders, premature babies, cardiac procedures and trauma victims. Volunteers between the ages of 18 and 70, who weigh at least 110 pounds, and are in generally good health are asked to donate blood at the National Blood Collecting Centre located at Ladymeade Gardens, St Michael, between 8 a.m. and 3:15 p.m. on weekdays or 8 a.m. and 12 noon on Saturdays. The National Blood Collecting Centre will also be closed on Saturday, October 5, 12 and 19 to facilitate industrial works. During this time the Centre will remain open as usual from Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 3:15 p.m. (WN)

RULE UNDER REVIEW – The five-minute rule is now under review. That’s the word from Chairman of the Transport Authority Ian Estwick, who has revealed that the authority’s board of management will now make the final ruling on whether the controversial rule stays or not. Estwick’s comments have come 24 hours after he reported that the rule, which limits public service vehicles (PSVs) operating in the Constitution River Terminal (CRT) to just five minutes in the loading bay, was being enforced. His comments came as a shock to the two bodies which represent PSV owners and operators – the Alliance Owners of Public Transport (AOPT) and the Association of Public Transport Operators – which said they put forward proposals to the authority’s acting Director Maria Boyce during a meeting on Monday, which they were promised would be presented to the board. However in a brief interview with Barbados TODAY this evening Estwick said the board would have the final say on the matter. “All I will say is that the rule is currently under review. I’m not saying yes or no to if it will remain, the board will decide on that,” he said. Estwick disclosed that the board would meet to review the proposals next week. (BT)

ARCHER’S FAMILY TOLD TO GET LAWYER – Unable to get the money owed him by his lawyer while he was alive, paraplegic Stephen Archer’s family may have to turn to another lawyer in a bid to unlock the funds, the head of the Barbados Bar Association has said. But while declaring that the association does not condone lawyers’ misbehaviour by lawyers, president Rosalind Smith-Millar has said it is not a “magic solution” to conflicts with clients. When questioned specifically about Archer’s complaint, Smith-Millar said the bar association could not act solely on a newspaper report. Archer, died two weeks ago, having never been paid by an unidentified lawyer the proceeds of a personal injury award. Fifteen days after he celebrated his 30th birthday in 1997, a telephone pole fell on him occasioning him significant bodily injury. The utility company fulfilled its legal obligations to Archer and paid $2.7 million in compensation to his attorney-at-law on his behalf, he had told Barbados TODAY in April. But he revealed that he was never given a cheque nor was it ever deposited on his personal account. Smith-Millar told Barbados TODAY it would be up to Archer’s family members to take up the matter as there was nothing the Bar could do. She said: “If the deceased has the right to some kind of property, their estate continues to have that right. “So whoever is entitled to Mr Archer’s estate would need to go and get legal advice as to how they can deal with the estate and the estate then would be able to do whatever is necessary. “Now, the Bar Association per se, does not even know who the lawyer is and is not authorized to pick up people’s fire-rage. “We cannot read a news report and launch an investigation and do something. “We don’t know who it is; we don’t know if the things we read in the newspaper are true; we don’t have any standing to just chase after whatever the problem is.” She said it would have been the paraplegic’s responsibility to report the matter to the Bar’s Disciplinary Committee if he believed he was not being treated fairly by his legal representative. Smith-Millar continued: “If Mr Archer in his lifetime had realized he was not being treated properly by his attorney-at-law there is the Disciplinary Committee to whom complaints are made. They are not made to the Barbados Bar Association. “We are not a magic solution. There is a committee, there is a process that has to be gone through. “We do not at all condone misbehaviour by lawyers – understand that very clearly – but we cannot just read a newspaper and decide to go and investigate and launch some kind of action. “We cannot do that because we are not authorized to do that.” Up to his death, Archer would not name the lawyer at the centre of the dispute. (BT)

BAYLANDERS MUM ON GUN PLAY – Residents of Bayville, St Michael, were mum on Thursday, avoiding reporters seeking eyewitness accounts of the gunfire that rocked Jessamine Avenue in the wee hours of this morning. Some members of the community denied any knowledge of the incident. “It happened right by my place but I ain’t giving wunna no news,” a resident told Barbados TODAY. But one resident, who spoke briefly and anonymously, said there had been a steady increase in conflict leading to gunplay among rival gangs and was concerned that many gun-toting youth are teens. While police have not linked gang violence to the most recent shooting, they revealed Leandrew Sharvar Coward, 33, of 2nd Avenue, Paddock Road, was the victim after being shot multiple times about the body after 2 a.m. Officers from Hastings Police Station responded and Coward was transported to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by a private vehicle where he underwent emergency surgery. He was listed in critical condition. In a release, police said their investigations were continuing and asked anyone with information to contact the Hastings Police Station at 430-7608/7612, Police Emergency 211, Crime Stoppers 1800-8477(TIPS) or any Police Station. (BT)

POLICE INVESTIGATING SHOOTING IN BAYVILLE – Officers at Hastings Police Station are investigating the circumstances surrounding a shooting. The incident occurred around 2:18 a.m. this morning at Jessamine Avenue, Bayville, St Michael, where 33-year-old Leandrew Sharvar Coward, of 2nd Avenue Paddock Road, St Michael was shot multiple times about the body. He was transported to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by private vehicle. Medical personnel said that Coward has undergone emergency surgery and is in critical condition. Anyone who may have information related to this incident is asked to contact Hastings Police Station at 430-7608/7612, Police Emergency at 211, Crime Stoppers at 1800-8477(TIPS) or any police station.  (WN)

WALCOTT HELD FOR JUICE & BAG THEFT – A 39-year-old man with no fixed place of abode will call HMP Dodds home for the next three months. That’s how long Terrance Allan Walcott will spend at the St Philip facility for stealing 13 juices worth $65 and a $60 bag belonging to Onya Forde on October 2. Police constable Victoria Taitt told Magistrate Kristie Cuffy-Sargeant that lawmen responded to a report of a man stealing a bag in the area of Shepherd’s Alley, St Michael and was being held by persons. He was caught in the area of Cats Castle. Walcott is known to the law courts for similar offences. (BT)

CALDERON GRANTED $1000 BAIL – A jet ski operator who allegedly threatened to “cut up” and “feed” a complainant to sharks a year ago was granted $1,000 bail and ordered to reappear in court on October 7. It is alleged that Dwayne Irwin Calderon, of Briar Hall, Christ Church used the threatening words “If you don’t come back with the 70, I would cut you up and feed you to the sharks” within the hearing of Ross Morgan which was likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress. Calderon pleaded not guilty to the October 3, 2018 charge as well as another which allegedly took place on October 1. The accused is charged with using the abusive words, “You’re are a bastard tourist and you owe me money” within the hearing of Jennifer Lepoidevin which was likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress. The 37-year-old was granted bail and ordered to keep the peace. The complainants who are both tourists will be warned to appear in the District ‘A’ Magistrates’ Court before Magistrate Kristie Cuffy-Sargeant next Monday. (BT)

POLICE DENY ABUSE – The murder trial of Baggio Kristidi Decourcey Daniel, of Block 1A Factory Avenue, Wildey St Michael continued today with a police officer denying that he abused the accused while he was in custody. Sergeant Michael Ifill told the jurors in the No. 5 Supreme Court, “I was not involved or [did I] ever see anybody abuse the accused person”. The sergeant made the comment as defence attorney Marlon Gordon crossed examined him on the matter in which his client is accused of murdering Alex Romel Samuels on February 1, 2012. The deceased was fatally shot while on a minibus along the Pine East West Boulevard. However, under questioning by Crown Counsel Neville Watson, who along with Principal Crown Counsel Krystal Delaney, is prosecuting the case, Ifill said his involvement in the matter was to conduct the identification parade in which the conductor of the van pointed to the accused on the line-up. There were eight other men on the identification parade, the Ifill disclosed. The officer said apart from that function he was not aware of the circumstances in which Daniel got into police custody. Two other persons, a policeman and civilian, gave evidence at today’s sitting presided by Madam Justice Jacqueline Cornelius. The matter was then adjourned to continue at 10 a.m. tomorrow, Friday, October 4. (BT)

RILEY: PICK HAYNES – Barbados Cricket Association (BCA) president Conde Riley thinks that batting legend Desmond Haynes would be a good choice as the next head coach of the West Indies team. “I think he understands batsmanship and that is an area that we have been failing in. Based on experience, he would be a good choice. I think Desmond has a lot to offer. “All three of the candidates for the job are suitable. I wish them well, but Haynes would be my pick,” Riley said. Haynes, former head coach Phil Simmons and current interim coach Floyd Reifer are in the three-man shortlist. (WN)

TRIDENTS OUTPLAY KNIGHT RIDERS – Their bowlers set it up and their batsmen, led by Johnson Charles’ steady half-century, formalised a crucial, seven-wicket victory for Barbados Tridents over defending champions Trinbago Knight Riders in the Caribbean Premier League on Wednesday night. Charles struck five fours and two sixes in a top score of 55 from 47 balls and shared a vital opening stand of 54 with England opener Alex Hales, as the Tridents successfully chased a modest target of 135 at the Queen’s Park Oval to keep their hopes of a top-two finish in the round-robin stage alive. Hales made 33 – his best score of the season – to give the innings early momentum before Charles took charge to keep Tridents on track for their fifth win, and former South Africa left-hander J.P. Duminy and Ashley Nurse kept their nerve to collect the seven runs needed from the final over, bowled by Knight Riders and new West Indies white ball captain Kieron Pollard, without much alarm. Duminy formalised the result with two balls remaining, when he drove Pollard to long-off for two to give Tridents their first win ever at the Oval and vault the visitors from fifth into the provisional No. 2 spot in the table on 10 points, having completed their full schedule of matches. (DN)

MORE BARBADIANS GETTING INTO FILM MAKING – More Barbadians are picking up a camera for the first time to become budding moviemakers, said the organiser of the annual Barbados Visual Media Festival even as they lament budget cuts and a decline in sponsorship. Damien Pinder, president of the Barbados Film and Video Association, the festival’s organiser,  has told reporters he is pleased with the level of interest shown in the event by both amateur and professional filmmakers. At a media conference to launch the festival’s 2019 edition, Pinder acknowledged that fewer sponsors were on board this year and the organisation had to ‘pay its own way’ for the most part.  He said: “As a non-profit organisation, the Barbados Film and Video Association has had to put more of its funds into the festival than before.  “It is tough but we believe this festival is very important for film enthusiasts and the film industry. (BT)

WALK FOR THE CURE – Two of the island’s top entertainers will headline the entertainment offerings at this Sunday’s BCS Breast Screening Programme/CIBC FirstCaribbean Walk for the Cure. Cultural Ambassador Red Plastic Bag (RPB) will be a part of the Opening Ceremony and Soca Monarch Mikey will take part in the After-Walk Activities for the event which comes off Sunday, October 6. Other entertainment involved in the activities when the runners and walkers return include Dance Fit and the Zumba Bunnies who will keep the energy going after the walk with two exercise sessions. Then TC, Marzville and Mikey will take over to bring a soca feel to the cool down activity. This 2019 edition of the Walk for the Cure will be encouraging all participants to have their water in refillable/reusable bottles in order to cut down on the number of disposable cups and plastic bottles used. Water will still be available for both runners and walkers who are encouraged to responsibly dispose of the cups and any plastic water bottles they may use. Park and Ride arrangements have also been made. The Transport Board will supply a free service to participants from the car parks at Queen’s College and the National Cultural Foundation in West Terrace as well as from the Sky Mall car park. Buses will leave these areas to head to Warrens between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. and will return between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. There will also be a free service running from the Fairchild Street Bus Terminal to and from Warrens at the same times, to accommodate those travelling by bus. For those living in and traversing the area, the roads into Warrens and on the route of the walk will be closed from 2.30 p.m. including the D’Arcy Scott and Everton Weekes Roundabouts and there will be limited access to Hinds Hill, Prior Park, Warrens and the areas surrounding the route. Runners and walkers will leave the area in front of CIBC FirstCaribbean, Warrens and head towards Hinds Hill, turn right at the traffic lights towards Queen’s College, right at the traffic lights into Clermont right through to Simpsons Motors, right onto the Ronald Mapp Highway and into the Massy car park for the after walk activities. Other fundraising activities to be held after the walk include a Celebrity Basketball Match on October 19 at the Garfield Sobers Gymnasium; the now annual Paint for the Cure on October 27 at Radisson Aquatica and a Flea Market on November 2 in the car park of CIBC FirstCaribbean’s Warrens Head Office. The public is invited to all of these activities. (BT)

There are 89 days left in the year Shalom!  Follow us on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram for your daily news. #thechasefiles #dailynewscaps #bajannewscaps #newsinanutshell

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[Qsc_asuw] SPRING! Newsletter Week 5

 Welcome        to Week 5! <3 

QTBIPOC Artist Spotlight of the Week:

Rudy Loewe

Rudy        Loewe is a visual artist utilising drawing, painting and printmaking as        a means of building narrative and contributing to dialogues on social        themes. They work with large scale, sometimes directly onto surfaces        that then ensure their temporality; as well as small scale in forms        such as publications.

The        work itself is bright and colourful, referencing aesthetics from the        Afro Caribbean diaspora. It also represents different kinds of        bodies, highlighting differing races; non conforming genders; sexualities;        classes and (dis)ability. Rudy makes the work that reflects the        narratives they would like to see in the world, the histories that are        not getting the visibility or care that they deserve.

The Queer        & Trans People of Color Alliance (QTPOCA) will        be meeting this Friday, location TBD!

LAVISH        QTPOC Art Showcase        (Tuesday, May 21,        2019) 6:30 PM - 9 PM @ Ethnic Cultural Theater        3931 Brooklyn Ave NE, Seattle, Washington 98105   

Lavish             is a multi-arts showcase opportunity centering Queer and Trans             People of Color (QTPoC). We will provide a platform for UW             students to receive mentorship (by way of building a sustained             relationship with a teaching artist) and community building among             QTPoCs and artists on campus and in the greater Seattle community.

        There             are many ways to participate in the showcase. Opportunities             include (but are not limited to): emcees/MC, deejays/DJ,             performance artists, fine artists, spoken word, poetry, musicians,             dramaturge, stage managers, community organizers, and more.

        The             showcase is student-driven and its final form will be created             organically among the participating artists. Lavish centers             artists who identify as QTPoC. White allies/accomplices are also             welcome to participate. Artists of any experience level are             enthusiastically invited to participate in this low stakes/high             support experience.       

Please consider filling out the following form if you        are interested in participating at Lavish: https://forms.gle/dq7TMqV8YQAfvtu2A                We will host an Informational Session on May 3, 2019, 3:00PM at the Q        Center (HUB 315). Note: Prospective performers may submit their        application using this form or in person at the informational session.                Questions? Please contact Juan Franco or Jaimée Marsh @ the Q Center: qcenter@uw.edu or        206-897-1430.        ----------------------------------------------------------------        Accessibility        Information:                The Samuel E. Kelly Ethnic Cultural Theatre is near landmarks such as        Alder Hall and Lander Hall.                For a map, search HUB on the campus maps: www.washington.edu/maps                The ECC’s front entrance is wheelchair accessible. There is an elevator        in the building.                There are universal, all-gender bathrooms in the building, as well as        gender binary bathrooms with multiple stalls.                The ECT is not kept scent-free, but we ask that you do not wear        scented/fragranced products (e.g. perfume, hair products) or essential        oils to/in the event in order to make the space accessible to those        with chemical injury or multiple chemical sensitivity.                University District Metro Bus Routes can be found here: metro.kingcounty.gov/tops/bus/neighborhoods/university_district.html

2019 Living Breath of        wǝɫǝbʔaltxʷ Food Symposium        (Friday, May        3, 2019) 8:45 AM - 5 PM @ wǝɫǝbʔaltxʷ -        Intellectual House       

Our             2019 theme is “Reclaiming Food as Family Medicine.” This theme             focuses on how Indigenous families are working together to reclaim             and revitalize food traditions as a way to support community             health and wellness. Other themes this symposium covers are:             traditional foods, plants and medicines; environmental and food             justice; food sovereignty; health and wellness; and treaty rights.       

----------------------------------------------------------------        Our planning committee is composed of Indigenous women who represent        interdisciplinary academic fields of study and philanthropy in the        Northwest Coast; women who are committed to Indigenous food sovereignty        and environmental justice, and whose lived and scholarly experiences,        personal passions, and academic research are firmly grounded in their        homelands and communities. We volunteer our time to host this annual        community-driven event as we recognize the need to come together in        dialogue and action as we build collaborative networks to sustain our        Indigenous food practices and preserve our healthy relationships to the        land, water, and all living things.                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:      

The             Intellectual House is wheelchair accessible into the building and             Gathering Hall, there is accessible parking right next to the             building. For accommodations, please contact the Disability             Services Office at 206-543-6450, or dso@u.washington.edu.

Sacred Breath:        Writing and Storytelling        (Wednesday,        May 1, 2019) 6:30-8:30 PM @ wǝɫǝbʔaltxʷ -        Intellectual House

This event features writer and        Sacred Breath founder, Elissa Washuta (Cowlitz) and local northwest        storyteller Sondra Segundo (Haida).       

Storytelling             offers a spiritual connection, a sharing of sacred breath.             Literature, similarly, preserves human experience and ideals. Both             forms are durable and transmit power that teaches us how to live.             Both storytelling and reading aloud can impact audiences through             the power of presence, allowing for the experience of the transfer             of sacred breath as audiences are immersed in the experience of             being inside stories and works of literature. 

ABOUT THE ARTISTS:       

Elissa             Washuta is a member of the Cowlitz Indian Tribe and a writer of             personal essays and memoir. She is the author of two books,             Starvation Mode and My Body Is a Book of Rules, named a finalist             for the Washington State Book Award. With Theresa Warburton, she             is co-editor of the anthology Shapes of Native Nonfiction,             forthcoming from University of Washington Press. She has received             fellowships and awards from the National Endowment for the Arts,             Artist Trust, 4Culture, Potlatch Fund, and Hugo House. Elissa is             an assistant professor of English at Ohio State University.

        Sondra             Segundo is an artist and singer of the Haida language. She is an             educator and has worked with youth in schools and programs             throughout the Northwest, teaching art and sharing her Indigenous             children’s books and songs. Everything Sondra does tells a story.             Her composed Haida songs tell a story. Her illustrations in her             books tell a story. Her movements while she dances, tell a story.             Although she is individually accomplished in each of these facets             of her life, they are all intertwined by her passion—storytelling.             Recently, Sondra has been recruited by tribal-funk band Khu.eex’             as lead female vocalist and has performed at venues such as The             Paramount Theater & Upstream Music Fest. She released her             first personal music album “Díi Gudangáay uu Síigaay-I Can Feel             the Ocean” on 8-8-18.       

Free event. Registration        required: https://eventactions.com/eareg.aspx?ea=Rsvp                ACCESSIBILITY INFORMATION:                

The             Intellectual House is wheelchair accessible into the building and             Gathering Hall, there is accessible parking right next to the             building. For accommodations, please contact the Disability             Services Office at 206-543-6450, or dso@u.washington.edu.

DISABILITY MONTH        APRIL 2019

Disability        Studies Program Brown Bag Sharan Brown        (Tuesday, April 30) 12-1 PM @ MGH 024                Sexual        Assault Open Mic         (Tuesday, April 30) 5-7 PM@ HUB 340

Lifting the Sky: An        Indigenous Fashion Show        (Thursday, May        2) 5 - 8:30 PM @ Seattle Art Museum        1300 1st Ave, Seattle, Washington 98101

In             partnership with the Seattle Art Museum, yəhaw̓ presents Lifting             the Sky: An Indigenous Fashion Show. Curator Lisa Fruichantie             (Seminole/Mvskoke-Creek) brings together Native designers,             artists, and performers from across the Pacific Northwest for a             night of Indigenous fashion. Watch contemporary styles walk the             runway to the beat of a powwow drum, learn about intertribal             regalia created by local community members, and shop at an             all-Native fashion market. The fashion show starts at 6 pm and the             Native Fashion Market takes place throughout the evening. Visitors             can continue exploring urban Indigenous perspectives upstairs in             the SAM galleries with half-off admission to Jeffrey Gibson: Like             a Hammer.  

This event will be held in SAM's        lobby and is free, open to the public, and family friendly. Seeing        SAM's exhibitions upstairs will be half-off usual museum rates.                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:

There             are drop-off areas adjacent to the main entrance to the Seattle             Art Museum on the south side of Union Street and on the east side             of 1st Avenue near Union Street. Both are three-minute load/unload             zones and the 1st Avenue zone is valid 9 am to 3 pm.

        Accessible             parking is available in the Russell Investments Center Garage. The             entrance is on Union Street Between First and Second Avenues             adjacent to the SAM building. This is an ADA-accessible garage; it             has an elevator that will deposit you around the corner from the             museum’s main entrance or inside the museum. Garage height limit             is 6' 7". The garage allows a 10 minute grace period for             drop-off or pick up with no charge. After 10 minutes, regular             rates apply. 

        The             Seattle Art Museum's facilities are wheelchair accessible.             Wheelchairs are available through the coat check at the 1st Avenue             and Union Street entrance. A piece of identification must be left             with the coat check attendant for wheelchair loan. Wheelchairs are             on a first-come, first-served basis and the number of             wheelchairs is limited.

        The             Art Beyond Sight program provides regular tours of the museum’s             collection to visitors with low or no vision. Tours are held at             all three SAM locations and are free with advance             registration. Private tours are also available upon request.             For more information, please email us or call 206.654.3133.    

For more accessibility        information visit here!

La Luz Somos        Nosotros: A Dance for Venezuela        (Tuesday, April        30, 2019) 6 PM - 9 PM @ wǝɫǝbʔaltxʷ        - Intellectual House

Join us for a night of music,        dance, food, and games. All of the proceeds from this event will go        towards Acción Solidaria, a Venezuelan organization providing essential        food and medicines for Venezuelan people.                We really appreciate your support, come celebrate and learn about the        beauty of Venezuelan culture ♥ We'll see you on April 30th!                To learn more about Acción Solidaria, or about what's happening in        Venezuela, please visit http://www.action4help.com/                RSVP Here: https://forms.gle/p2pKF4LuHvExoPNy9        $7 Pre-sale        $10 at the door        Venmo (@marirami) or cash accepted        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------        Hola mi gente!                Acompañanos para una noche de música, baile, comida y juegos. Todos los        ingresos irán hacia la organización Venezolana Acción Solidaria,        ayudando a comprar medicinas e alimentos esenciales.                Apreciamos mucho su apoyo, ven a celebrar y aprender de la hermosa        cultura Venezolana ♥ Nos vemos el 30 de Abril!                Para aprender más de Acción Solidaria o de lo que esta pasando en        Venezuela visita a http://www.action4help.com/                RSVP Aqui: https://forms.gle/p2pKF4LuHvExoPNy9        $7 Pre-sale        $10 en la puerta        Aceptamos Venmo (@marirami) y efectivo        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------        Accessibility        Info:        The Intellectual House is wheelchair accessible into the building and        Gathering Hall, there is accessible parking right next to the building.        For accommodations, please contact the Disability Services Office at        206-543-6450, or dso@u.washington.edu.                Intellectual House es accesible con silla de rueda a el Gathering Hall        y el edificio. Hay puestos de estacionar accesibles justo afuera del        edifico. Si necesita acomodación porfavor contacte a Disability        Services Office a 206-543-6450, o dso@u.washington.edu.        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------        Our event is made to celebrate and affirm people of all identities!        Bring a friend, a partner, and/or family, y vamos a rumbear!                ***Gracias a la hermosa Abigayil Talkington for her poster design ♥

Unity Day 2019        (Thursday, May        2, 2019) 11AM - 2PM @ HUB Lawn       

Join             La Raza Student Commission as we host our annual Unity Day, which             acknowledges food and cultures associated with the Latinx             community. Food is a way for many people to come together, La             Raza's constituents will be selling food and beverages that honors             many Latin American countries.     

Organizations participating:       

Omega             Delta Phi Fraternity, Inc. -----Tacos

        Lambda             Theta Phi Latin Fraternity, Inc. ----- Duros and paletas

        Unidas             Seremos ----- Fruta Picada

        Lambda             Theta Alpha ----- Tamales

        Gamma             Alpha Omega ---- Aguas frescas (Jamaica & horchata)

        M.E.Ch.A             ----- Pupusas

        Purple             Group -----Flautas

        Kappa             Delta Chi ----- Elotes

        Sigma             Lambda Beta ----- Hot cheetos w/ cheese, Fresas con crema

        Sigma             Lambda Gamma National Sorority Inc. ---- Tres leches cake &             jarritos

        Chicanos/Latinos             for Community Medicine ----- Churros w/ Ice Cream & Jumex       

Poster Design by Brenda Gonzalez

Transgender &        Gender Diverse Support & Social Group        (Wednesday,        May 8, 2019) 6-8 PM @ U.T.O.P.I.A Seattle         205 E. Meeker St. Kent, Washington 98032     

[trans]             ACTION is             a support/social group for sex workers that is held every first             Wednesday of every month. It is an opportunity that provides sex             workers a safe space to engage in topical discussions relating to             their life and/or work. This gathering is open to transgender and             gender diverse sex workers with current or past experience in the             sex trade.     

Discussions include topics such        as:       

*Safety             and self- care

        *Decriminalization             and Destigmatization of sex work

        *Know             your rights training

        *Legal             assistance

        *Employment             & housing 

        [trans]             ACTION promotes and values confidentiality regarding interactions             within the group.       

The        undisclosed location has ample parking, all-gender and ADA-accessible        restroom. Come and build community with us! For more information please        email Ara-lei at ara@utopiaseattle.org                 Upcoming Dates :        

Wed             May 8 (6-8pm)

        Wed             June 12 (6-8pm)

DARK AT DUSK - The        Final Suicide        (Friday, May 10,        2019) 7 PM -10 PM @ Gay City: Seattle's LGBTQ Center        517 E Pike St, Seattle, Washington 98122                Nic Masangkay Presents...        DARK AT DUSK - The Final Suicide   

After             a medication overdose, our protagonist lays unconscious at a             Seattle hospital. Piecing together their past via music, film, and             spoken word poetry, we retrace what led Them to suicide - perhaps             They aren’t the true killer. Find out if They live to tell Their             own story: May 2019.       

Cast and Team:        Brian is Ze        Falon Sierra        Guayaba        Moonyeka        Lourdez Velasco        Son the Rhemic        Queerbigan        Vanna Zaragoza        Zora Seboulisa       

Help             compensate this talented team at http://www.patreon.com/nicmasangkay.

        More             information on the album and show at http://www.nicmasangkay.com/dark-at-dusk.

        Project             made possible in part by Jack Straw Cultural             Center's Artist Support Program.  

ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:      

The             Calamus Auditorium at Gay City is ADA accessible & minimally             scented. 

        There             are two single-stall all-gender restrooms.

        There             will be scent free soap in the restrooms. More info: gaycity.org/access             

Seattle Launch:        Tongue-Breaker        (Tuesday, May 14,        2019) 7 PM - 9 PM @ Third Place Books Seward Park        5041 Wilson Ave S, Seattle, Washington 98118                Seattle family, please come celebrate the New York launch of writer        Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha's latest book of poetry,        Tonguebreaker.       

Tonguebreaker             is about surviving the unsurvivable: living through hate crimes,             the suicides of queer kin, and the rise of fascism while falling             in love and walking through your beloved's neighbourhood in             Queens. Building on LLPS' groundbreaking work in Bodymap,             Tonguebreaker is an unmitigated force of disabled queer-of-colour             nature, narrating disabled femme-of-colour moments on the pulloff             of the 80 in West Oakland, the street, and the bed. Tonguebreaker             dreams unafraid femme futures where we live -- a ritual for our             collective continued survival.      

about the weirdo who wrote the        poems:        LEAH LAKSHMI PIEPZNA-SAMARASINHA is a queer disabled femme writer,        cultural worker and educator of Burgher/Tamil Sri Lankan and Irish/Roma        ascent. They are the author of Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice,        Dirty River: A Queer Femme of Color Dreaming Her Way Home (short-listed        for the Lambda and Publishing Triangle Awards, ALA Above the Rainbow        List), Bodymap (short listed for the Publishing Triangle Award) ,Love        Cake (Lambda Literary Award winner), and Consensual Genocide, and        co-editor of The Revolution Starts At Home: Confronting Intimate        Violence in Activist Communities. Their next book, Beyond Survival:        Stories and Strategies From the Transformative Justice Movement        (co-edited with Ejeris Dixon) is forthcoming in 2020. A lead artist        with Sins Invalid, her writing has been widely published, with recent        work in PBS Newshour, Poets.org's        Poetry and the Body folio, The Deaf Poets Society, Bitch, Self,        TruthOut and The Body is Not an Apology. She is a VONA Fellow and holds        an MFA from Mills College. She is also a rust belt poet, a Sri Lankan        with a white mom, a femme over 40, a grassroots intellectual, a        survivor who is hard to kill.                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION: wheelchair accessible including bathrooms,        armless chairs available, coffee tea and snacks for sale, please come        fragrance-free. Free. Bring your kids.

Let’s Talk is a free        program that connects UW students with support from experienced        counselors from the Counseling Center and Hall Health Center without an        appointment. Counselors hold drop-in hours        at four sites on campus:               

Mondays, 2-4 PM, Odegaard Library Room 222

        Tuesdays, 2-4 PM, Ethnic Cultural Center Room 306

        Wednesdays, 2-4 PM, Q Center (HUB 315)

        Thursdays, 2-4 PM, Mary Gates Hall Room 134E

       Let’s Talk offers        informal consultation – it is not a substitute for regular therapy,        counseling, or psychiatric care.        To        learn more, visit letstalk.washington.edu.                The HUB’s front entrance is wheelchair accessible and the common area        is to the right of the main desk.        An all-genders restroom can be found at the 3rd floor, down the hallway        from the Q Center. Gender binary bathrooms with multiple stalls can be        found on each floor of the HUB.        The HUB IS not kept scent-free but we ask that you do not wear        scented/fragranced products (e.g. perfume, hair products) or essential        oils to/in the Q Center in order to make the space accessible to those        with chemical injury or multiple chemical sensitivity. 

Thank you for being a part of our community <3         We are so glad that you are here, and we are so glad to get to know        you!         Have questions about the QSC? Just want to get involved? Find our        office hours online at hours.asuw.org.        To hear more from the QSC be sure to like us on facebook, and follow us on twitter & instagram to stay up to date with        all queer and trans related happenings on campus and in Seattle!                 With love,         Mehria Ibrahimi, Outreach & Engagement Intern. 

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[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 116, August 2018

Last Saturday afternoon, I decided to spend my day off work by visiting the Mornington Peninsula Regional Gallery for the National Works on Paper 2018 exhibition. It’s not very often that I have a day to myself to not worry about the many commitments in my life. Being on open area at Dunns Road Reserve, there was absolutely no protection from the strong gusty winds blowing over the peninsula. As it turns out, today they had some artist talks on that afternoon and I figured that I might as well stick around for at least one of them.

The first talk was by Cameron Robbins who produces “wind drawings” using a wind machine which features many turbines, pulleys, wires, a rotating drawing board, a weather vane and a black fineline pen. Along with the MPRG curator Danny Lacy, Cameron discussed how variables such as the wind speed, wind direction, rain and sunlight impacts on what the drawing produced will look like. He also brought up concepts like Chaos Theory and Fractal Design as inspirations for his work as an artist.

The artist talks drew quite a large crowd today of around 50-60 members which was very unexpected. I had a brief wander around the exhibition and was very impressed by the high quality of the artwork. Lots of hours and so much detail went into these pieces which covers everything from paintings and drawings to sculptures, collages and mixed media works. Whilst I’ve pretty much gone on hiatus as an artist myself, I will always have a huge appreciation for art and fellow artists in the community. https://mprg.mornpen.vic.gov.au/Exhibitions/Current-exhibitions/2018-National-Works-on-Paper

On Monday night, I had my second session with the Men of Doveton health and fitness program at Doveton College. This week we started the session downstairs in the gym where we did some footy training lead by Mitch from the Casey Demons. It’s actually been about 16 years since I last did anything football related and re-learning the sport tonight brought up some emotional issues in me from high school. Part of it is that fact that I’m not the biggest fan of footy and never really got into it. http://www.melbournefc.com.au/casey-demons

Playing any kind of team sport during my P.E. classes was something that I really didn’t enjoy whatsoever. I had fears around being hit in the face by the ball, being tackled by other students, doing something dumb if I was in possession of the ball and been made fun off because I was really terrible at footy. It was a huge weakness of mine both ball-handling skills and getting involved during a game.

Thankfully tonight, all of those hurts from the past have been laid to rest. All the guys in the Men of Doveton program are starting at ground zero and this is very much a supportive and encouraging environment. The aim is to basically just have a go and participate as much as possible. We started by doing some hand balling at a distance of 5 meters then doing some kick-to-kick at 10 and 15 meters.

Of course the footballs were flying in all directions but it was honestly fine. It was all about having fun and not taking things too seriously. I did well to not let that 16 year old version of Michael Dixon out. He would have been off the footy field trying everything possible to avoid the ball. Next we did a few games and drills, learning how to bounce the ball properly, aiming and kicking at goals and avoid being tagged by other players.

Lastly, we got divided into two teams: the plains and the whites and played a game of basic footy with just hand balling and no contact. This was another thing I used to struggle with back in high school is that nobody ever passed the ball to me because they knew I was a weak player and would end up making the team lose. But again that stuff was a long time ago and I did my best to get involved by passing the ball around and being distracting to the opposite team. It actually felt good participating in a sport I haven’t played in a very long time.

The second half of the session focused on mental health issues. After catching our breaths (Seriously so not used to running up and down a basketball court), we returned to the theatre and Mo gave everyone a journal for us to keep and write down any positive thoughts, things that we’re grateful for, reflections etc in. Writing is a huge part of me and probably the area I have the least amount of difficulty in. However, I do sometimes get forgetful and need to remember to actually do it.

Lastly we had a guest speaker named Greg from Beyond Blue talking about his personal experiences with Bipolar disorder. Being an Irishman, we was very animated and funny but also understandably nervous about sharing his story. I could very much relate to his degree of denial and assuming that “I’m fine” after one or two counselling sessions. There are always underlying issues to be found and back when I was originally diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 10 years ago, I wasn’t ready to open up or unpack my baggage. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

The most important things I learned from Greg’s talk is the importance of finding the right counsellor or therapist for you, having lots of support and people you can trust in, not being afraid to speak up about mental health issues, accepting that it’s okay to not be okay as well as express normal human emotions. I really didn’t feel comfortable enough to speak up about my own issues in this large group setting but it’s something that I’m working towards. https://www.caseystadium.ymca.org.au/whats-on/upcoming-events/event/men-of-doveton-free-health-program-2

On Tuesday night, I attended the first of four NDIS workshops hosted by AMAZE (Formerly Autism Victoria) at Bunjil Place in Narre Warren. I haven’t fully processed the fact that my access request was successful and that I’m now officially an NDIS participant so now I have a reason to attend these workshops beyond just gaining knowledge and information. A lady named Pamela Gatos, who presented at the info night a few months back, has returned to run this workshops designed to better prepare NDIS participants for the journey ahead. http://www.amaze.org.au/2018/04/amaze-announces-ndis-information-sessions-and-workshops-sign-up-now/

There were about 20 other parents, carers and people with autism in the same meeting room as I was. The silence was very uncomfortable for me but I was 100% determined to push through it. I did find that Pam could come across as blunt, intimidating and snarky at times, often making very sarcastic comments about the NDIS and all the negative stories she’s heard about it.

To be fair, her opinions can be justified as I myself has found the NDIS to be a very daunting, overwhelming and confusing system to wrap my head around. She also has a lot of experience working with current participants and families with autistic kids and adults so she knows what she’s talking about.

Tonight’s workshop focused on the topics of: The 3 types of management for the funding of supports (Self Management, Plan Management and Agency Management), the NDIS Pricing Guide July 2018, how to access the NDIS portal via the mygov website, the 3 types of Supports (Core, Capital and Capacity Building) and the 15 support categories. https://www.ndis.gov.au/participants/reasonable-and-necessary-supports

It was a lot of information to process but it did get me thinking about which supports I should be asking for in my plan. The ones I could identify for myself include: Improved living Arrangements, Increased Social and Community Participation, Finding and Keeping a Job, Improved Health and Wellbeing, Improved Life Choices and Improved Daily Living Skills. https://abilityoptions.org.au/ndis/ndis-supports-categories

The challenge now is to find arguments to justify why these supports are reasonable and necessary. It’s probably the most difficult part of the whole process as it’s an important part of the planning meeting and developing my first plan. It’s going to take many baby steps but I know I’ll get there. Still I really wasn’t a fan of Pamela’s attitude and personality. She came off as a judgemental bitch and wasn’t very constructive.

Being the odd-one-out (an adult diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder rather than a child), I didn’t feel supported or accepted in that meeting room. I walked out of this first workshop feeling very conflicted and confused as I really didn’t like Pamela’s views or approach to NDIS preparation. So I think that I’m going to look elsewhere. https://www.ndis.gov.au/operational-guideline/planning/participant-statement-goals

On Friday afternoon, I saw my counsellor Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. The high velocity winds outside and poor quality of sleep have really impacted on my moods and emotions this week. I’ve found myself taking a lot of things personally including my opinions about the UNIFY 2019 lineup and my decision not to go next year, the pressures placed upon me by others including customers and members of the general public. It all got a bit much for me this week and now I’m feeling drained and exhausted.

Ruth reminded me of the importance of using Cognitive Behavoural Therapy and not allowing myself to fall into the trap of maladaptive thinking. It’s the reason why I often take things so personally. To essentially consider alternative explanations for the way other people react to situations and not believe that I’m the sole cause of it. She also pointed out that using my journal more regularly is vital to focus more on the positive aspects in my life. https://www.succeedsocially.com/challengethoughts

On Friday night, I went to my Strength and Circuit small group training session at CinFull Fitness. I was honestly feeling like shit after some posts on social media was dragging me down inside plus I was mentally drained from how busy my week has been. Tonight I was training with a couple of other clients. We did some warm-up drills with the dead balls doing overhead squats and ball slams plus walking lunges with dumb bells, kettle bell swings and push-ups.

Next we did a series of exercises to work and tone the biceps and triceps including rows, kick-backs and curls, tricep push-ups and lifts. Lastly we did some core training using the med balls including overhead situps, pull ups with leg extensions and Russian twists. It was very difficult for me to keep up as I was fatiguing and feeling out of breath a lot quicker than the others and Cinamon noticed straight away. Plus lots of sweat but that’s nothing new for me.

I guess I want to do the best that I can but also have to be aware and mindful about my physical limitations. I have to keep reminding myself that there’s no shame in needing to stop and rest, that nobody is going to judge me for not being as physically fit as they are. Doing strenuous exercise is still a struggle for me but I’m determined to keep plugging away at it, no matter how long it takes me. I want to continue to lose weight and improve my fitness as I need to make classes like these a regular part of my routine. https://www.facebook.com/CinFullFitness/

“I watched them go 'round and 'round. My blouse wrapping itself in your trousers. Oh the waves are going out. My skirt floating up around my waist. As I wade out into the surf. Oh and the waves are coming in. Oh and the waves are going out. Washing Machine.” Kate Bush - Mrs. Bartolozzi (2005)

“There were hundreds of people living here. Sails at the windows. And the planes came crashing down. And many a pilot drowned. And the speed boats flying above. Put your hand over the side of the boat. And what do you feel?”  Kate Bush - A Coral Room (2005)