#1000 forms of fear

[catmint1]

I may cry, ruining my makeup Wash away all the things you've taken And I don't care if I don't look pretty Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking

—Sia, Big Girls Cry, 1000 Forms of Fear (2014)

[bublinko]

Sia - One Million Bullets

[geekpopnews]

Review | Reasonable Woman, da Sia, prova que a cantora está muito acima da média

Ela está de volta: nesta sexta-feira (3), Sia presenteou os fãs com "Reasonable Woman", seu décimo álbum de estúdio. Leia mais na review! #Sia #ReasonableWoman #Lançamento

Nesta sexta-feira (3), a cantora e compositora australiana Sia fez seu aguardado comeback com o álbum Reasonable Woman, o décimo da carreira. O projeto chega ao mundo oito anos após o This is Acting, de 2016, que contou com os hits “Alive”, “Unstoppable” e “Cheap Thrills”. View this post on Instagram A post shared by SIA (@siamusic) Com seu mais novo trabalho, Sia engata uma sequência de três…

[music-catalogue]

[musicequalslife]

I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist

Like it doesn't exist

I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night

Feel my tears as they dry

- Chandelier | Sia

[fascinationstreetmp3]

sorry just thought again about how fucked it all is that armand still held onto the resentment he felt over louis trying to kill himself and the fear that he'd do it again for years and louis couldn't even remember doing it in the first place

[blujayonthewing]

spent the whole night last night hand-sewing while watching jim henson's the storyteller and let me tell you, that vibe was immaculate

[laromp3]

Big Girls Cry - Sia

[briansac]

Я отмечаю 6-й год своего блога Tumblr! 🥳

Я тоже в шоке...

[asongperday]

Song of the Day — “Elastic Heart” by Sia

You did not break me I'm still fighting for peace

[thegnomelord]

i took 357191027r6392936446322736432947372 psychic damage from the Makarov fic so you gotta write reader being rescued, healed, rehabilitated and loved by the task force. imagine them teaching reader to be their own person or letting him top without any commands or punishments. reader would be whining like a puppy who doesn't know what it's doing and would be so cute and fearful looking for reasurance when fucking into a task force member it would be so cute

lol idk dude. I was intending to do the fic as a one off to satisfy my puplay kink but it's now started to rot my brain even more lol. If I did continue it, I don't know if I'd want a happy ending or an angsty one (omfg imagine going through all the healing and rehab and experiencing love only for one word from Makarov to have you going back to him without question)

So tell me ya'll if you want me to turn the one shot into a longer fic lol, but for now here's some headcannons, ideas/ whatever and some porn

CW:NSFW, rough anal, Simon x reader with Price watching, dom/sub.

I can't imagine Hound would be happy about the 'rescue' considering everything and definitely would be resistant to rehab (Hound biting ppl and getting muzzled lol) that dogheaded asinine stubbornness coming to bite him in the ass. I headcannon Hound to have already been violent when he was under Price's command but Price kept Hound in check(if anyone's seen that young ghost and price comic with him being compared to a fighting dog it's kinda like that).

Makarov didn't need to do much and just played into the aggressive tendency to make Hound as they are now. The more violent the reaction hound would make, the more attention and praise he'd get. Also I'm just a sucker for dog like characters that are unhinged. That have no moral compass except for the one they're loyal to and will do whatever they ask.

So the task force members would have their hands full with Hound that's basically an aggressive fighting dog taken straight out of the pit. Also I'm still thinking whether the 141 would try to steer Hound away from the pup/dog like mentality Makarov conditioned them into, or if they would try to redirect it by calling Hound 'pup, boy' etc, instead of 'dog' like Makarov did.

Also the grief Price would feel to see the man he thought was dead turned into that would break his heart. I don't know if I'd want him to crack down on trying to rehab hound, or let a lot of things slide because he's scared of fucking you up more.

But also like rehabed fighting dogs turn out to be the sweetest animals and Hound just going from this 'I will bite your throat out' to just a gentle giant that's just happy to be able to touch or hug someone without needed permission. . . but he can still bite a throat out.

Also I 1000% swear that Makarov's a whore and would have trained reader to have enough stamina to fuck him all night long so the task force would get pounded into next year lol.

This is questionable cannon and non-confirmed lol you just got me brain rotting with the cute pup part and this came out. Rough and quick.

CW:NSFW

You feel like you will die; heat burns through your veins, sweat crawls down your skin and makes your hair stick to your forehead. Your hands grip Simon's bruised hips, holding them up for him as you pound into him. "Please-" You barely manage a small whimper, hiding your face in Simon's shoulder.

Simon's body quivers beneath you, limp and boneless, a wet hole for you to use. He's as sweaty as you, rough grunts and half-formed swears leaping from his lips every time your hips meet his ass in a bruising thrust. He's the closest to you in size, albeit still smaller, which makes it easier for him to take your size than the others. His insides are a sweltering heat around your cock, fucked into a loose sloppy hole that would gape if you pulled out, muscles still doing their best to squeeze you every time you nail his prostate.

It makes you feel ashamed how long it took you to find it. Mounting anyone but Makarov feels wrong, you're not sure how fast or how deep to go, this current rough pace making Simon the most vocal since you began. You feel him cum again, walls clenching tightly for the first time in a while as you force him into spurting what's left in his empty balls.

"Pl- sir, I- please, please," You can't help but hiccup, your nails leaving crescent bruises in his skin as you just pound him through his orgasm. It's his fourth one.

"What's wrong son?" Price's words barely get through the fog of need in your skull, more little whimpers splitting from your lips. "Don't you want to let go?" Tears blurry your vision, you can barely see his face from where he's resting Simon's head in his lap.

You can't cum. Your balls are so full they feel like they'll explode any second, cock throbbing to finally shoot your load but no matter how harshly you thrust into the willing hole beneath you. It feels like those times Makarov would put a cock ring on you, but worse, now it's your own body refusing to give you release. You haven't earned it.

"Please-" You repeat, because that's the best your mind can come up with, your hips stuttering as overstimulation stabs your nervous system like a knife. "I-please, fuck- I can't." You force out, forcing yourself to return to the punishing pace, your pelvis starting to go numb like it would a few hours into Makarov using you as a living dildo.

Price's fingers are disgustingly gentle as they curl into your sweaty hair, making you look up at him with soft pressure on your scalp. There's no bite to his touch, no pain, it's too good for a thing like you.

You'll thank what god exists that Price seemingly understands your problem, "Oh, son." You hate the hint of sorrow in his tone, you hate yourself more for how it makes your heart pound in your ears. "Here, let me" He whispers, his other hand sliding down to your naked neck.

The lack of any collars around your neck still disgusts you every waking moment, still makes you feel wrong, bad dog. His fingers wrap around your throat. They're too loose to be a proper collar, but it lets you breathe easier, his palm warm and big enough to completely cover the 'V.M' tattooed on your skin.

"Go on, that's a good boy." He whispers, "Cum for us." Price orders, kissing you so softly it disgusts you, like heaven wrapped in thorns.

You feel fresh tears spill down your tears as the dam not letting you cum is finally torn down. You hiccup your 'thank you sir's against his lips as you spill inside Simon. You can just distantly hear Simon groan as you dump your cum into his sloppy hole, muscles weakly fluttering around your cock as you roll your hips, fucking your cum deeper into him, just the act of cumming hurting almost as much as being denied, your balls aching with every spurt of cum.

You collapse on Simon, pushing the breath out of his lungs, as boneless as him. You don't struggle when Price rolls you to your side, your cock slipping out. Cum and lube gushes out from his hole like a firehose, flooding the small space between you two, his rim red and irritated, muscles weakly fluttering around nothing as they try to close.

You try to thank him but you slur your words into his skin, feeling the muscles in his abdomen quiver as you huddle closer and wrap your arms around him, your chest pressed flush to his back. You expect him to pull away, Makarov hated being vulnerable like this longer than he needed, but all Simon does is grunt and tip his head back so you can hide your face in the space between his shoulder and neck.

"You olright Simon?" Price asks, brushing a hand through your sweaty hair for a few seconds before you feel him softly wiping away your spend from you two.

"Fuck," Simon breathes out, voice scratchy and rough. "Are we sure Makarov's human?" His hand reaches up to scratch your scalp as you kiss one of the numerous bite marks you left on him. His skin is a canvass of black and blue bruises, your bite marks starting to clot across his body. "Shit, I can't feel my legs."

His words feel like a slap in the face, and you don't notice how you let out a small whimper, your hold tightening. This is it, you'll have to let him go soon, he'll order you to leave like Makarov always did.

"None of that son." Price's voice is calm in your ear, rubbing soothing circles between your shoulder blades. "You did good."

Simon hums, his fingers running lower to scruff you, "Mhm, yeah," His words are slurred, exhaustion weighing on both of you. "Best snog I've ever had." He grumbles, and you don't doubt he won't admit it in the morning, but for the moment, as you feel yourself slowly drift off to sleep, you let yourself enjoy the praise, the warmth of human touch, the care you can feel in both of them.

This is starting to feel nice.

[midnightarcheress]

thinking of you becoming price's personal lucky charm :)

cw: f!reader. slightly nsfw. very rushed/unedited. idk shit about casinos or card games lol. 1 | more casino!141

when your friend begged you to dress up fancy and go out with them, a casino was not what you had in mind. especially not an underground one, entrance hardly visible in the dimly lit street, where you even needed a password to get in.

despite being far from your definition of a night out, you decide to give one of the games a chance. the roulette seemed the easiest, with seemingly less rules to learn, and to your surprise, you're crushing it. starting with safe outside bets, you make your way to straight bets and stay winning every single one of them. 

at your winning streak, you sense two sets of eyes on you, almost burning your flesh with the heat that crawls to your cheeks. you peek over your shoulder and meet two burly men, one with an icy stare and half-covered face, the other with an adorable boyish smirk and a mohawk. still, both glare at you with an intense puzzled gaze, laced with curiosity and an underlying hunger that makes you shiver. 

suddenly, you feel a rough hand settling on your lower back, nearly making you jump on your seat, “what does the pretty lady think about heading to the vip section?” the man says, pearly smile doing a perfectly good job in luring you in, “all that luck needs to be put to good use.”

you ponder for a second, fearing that once you’re in, all your fortune will slip out your fingers and the beginner’s luck will be gone forever. but his sweet brown eyes are too convincing, and you nod, taking his hand and walking through a mysterious door.

“i– i don’t know how to play poker,” you stutter, brows knitted together at the sight of a round table with piles of chips in the center.

"don't worry, love, you're not here to play," a bearded man says, gruff voice followed by a puff of his cigar. he seems a bit older than the one who brought you inside or the two observers, ocean-blue eyes looking at you tenderly, but the sly smirk on his face doesn't go unnoticed.

he pats his thigh, gesturing for you to sit, "my men say you've been quite lucky out there," a smoke cloud forms in front of him, mingling with the strong scent of his cologne, "let's check."

hesitantly, you comply, plush thighs meeting his firm one. he chuckles at your shyness and pulls you closer to his torso by your waist, positioning your ass right above his growing bulge and you bite back a squeal, "name's John."

the game restarts and you watch the dealer distributing the cards. you glance at his hand and he holds five cards, all hearts, which must be a good sign, given the way he squeezed your hip, certainly hard enough to leave a bruise. not that you minded, considering the damp spot forming between your legs.

"would you look at that, straight flush," he flashes you a grin, cigar dangling from his lips as his laugh echoes amongst the annoyed huffs of other players.

his fingers trace your spine, teasingly edging the waistband of your skirt as you try your best not to squirm, "mighty luck you have, love," he whispers in your ear, beard gently grazing your neck.

he hands you one of his golden chips, "for you, as a thank you," your eyes widen at the number 1000 etched in the back, promptly pushing back the gift. he shakes his head, palm sneaking its way to your inner thigh, "there's way more where that came from."

it's safe to say you might become an avid gambler after tonight.

[just-a-ghost00]

Cupid's heart spread - A dive into your connection with this person

To celebrate the milestone of reaching over 1000 followers on Tumblr, I give to you a reading about the connection you share with the person on your mind using my cupid's heart spread. Now, as this is a collective reading, the energies described may not entirely resonate with you. Since I've been watching Alchemy of Souls lately, I thought this would make an appropriate theme for this reading. So to pick your group, choose one of the following characters from the drama.

Group 1

You overall energy is the 8 of wands. This shows that there is a lot of passion and attraction within the connection and a desire to communicate with one another on a daily basis. You may also both be wanting to close the distance between you, especially if you are in a long distance relationship. Both parties are focused on the other person, which is a good omen for now. This may also translate a form of impatience and wanting to accelerate the process of getting to know each other.

Your energy in the connection | 3 of cups

You are feeling pretty chill about this person. I feel like you are not excessively attached to them but you feel drawn to them on an emotional level and this person's presence in your life makes you happy. You may be considering them as a friend first and foremost, which could explain why you come off as pretty laid back in this situation. Another thing I am picking up on is that this person may not be your only love prospect. Thus, you may not be as worried about the future of this connection as the other person. Your energy feels pretty open, receptive and cheerful. You take things at your own pace and wait to see what this person has in store for you. You may not be excessively active in the connection but you don't close the door either. I feel like in this connection, the other person is more likely to reach out to you first, which you don't disapprove of. But you may not necessarily reach out to this person as often, as you may be interacting with other people, whether on a friendly or a romantic level.

Their energy in the connection | 9 of pentacles

This person also appears as pretty detached from the connection. They are also in a receptive, open energy. But while you are focused on other connections, they are mainly focused on themselves, their well being and their finances. This person's job could be taking a lot of their time, thus they may not be thinking about you as much as they would if they were inoccupied. I feel like this person values themselves a lot and is mature enough not to chase after others. They give you the space to come in if you wish but they will not cry over your absence. Their approach to this connection is very practical and grounded. They come into this connection with an energy of peace and self assuredness, compared to your cheerful and laidback vibe. This is a person that may be currently single and ready to mingle. However, they will not just interact with anybody.

Their fears | King of pentacles

Within this connection, this person fears that if they were to be with you and invest further in this connection, they may lose their independance, freedom and stability. They may fear losing their wealth as well or reputation. This person could come from a wealthy background or an influent family. They could also be very succesful and feel like their romantic endeavours should not take over their life and come before their accomplishments. I feel like this person worked really hard to get where they are and they intend on becoming better and pursuing important goals in their life. They may be afraid that being intimate with someone could hinder their potential, their career and maybe even result in them losing their status or authority. That could be true if you come from very different social backgrounds or cultures. If this person holds an important position in society, they may be afraid that they have to step down from that position to be able to be with you. And that may not be something they are willing to do at the moment.

Their hopes | 4 of wands

At the end of the day, all this person hopes for within this connection is a solid, long lasting and fair relationship that withstands the test of time and trials you may be facing. They look for an equal and a partner that they can build a home with, a legacy that will ensure the future of their children if they have any. They want to leave a mark on this world and share their succes and wealth with their lover. This person not only sees the current potential of your connection but they also project themselves in the future and their future has you in it. They envision a life with you that they can be proud of. This isn't someone that just wants to hit it and then quit it. If they were to take this to the next level, this person wants it to last until their very last breath. I definitely see this person wanting commitment with you, wanting to move in with you, building a family of their own, maybe even working with you on some projects.

Their feelings | 9 of wands clarified by the 10 of wands

This person feels very protective over you. You bring out the fighter in them. They want to fight for this connection, even if it is difficult and asks of them to sacrifice a lot of things. This is a person that is resilient and not willing to give you up that easily. This person will not back down from this connection unless they have tried everything in their power to make it work. Their feelings are so passionate and strong that this person may even be surprised at their own reactions. This is no quitter. I feel like this person is adamant on having you by their side. They may be feeling possessive and jealous to some extent. I believe this person would fight anyone trying to take you away from them, including their own family. They also feel a sense of responsibility toward you. Like they have to stand up for you and be by your side at all costs. This person may feel like they owe you. You could have helped this person at a time of their life where they were very busy and exhausted, where they felt like they were struggling. Hence the protectiveness and passion they have for you now.

Their actions | King of wands

In the near future, this person intends to woe you. Their seduction game will be strong and very clear. You will not be able to mistake this person's intentions as they come off as the king. If you were in a no communication situation with this person, expect sudden communication from them. This communication will be flirty with no doubt. They may compliment you a lot, make subtle references that only you can get, send inuendos. They could be sending you naughty pictures or at least pictures of them that enhance their most attractive traits and put them under a flattering light. So for instance, if this person works out a lot and knows that you enjoy seeing their body at work, they may be posting more pictures of their workout sessions. If they are communicating with you through the phone or video calls, you may notice them smirking, raising their eyebrows, touching their hair and lips a lot. Their tone may be suave and erotic. They may be talking about more mature content around you, which could be a huge contrast to what this person usually talks about with you. Their will be a sudden change in their attitude that will immediately give away their attraction for you. Remember, this person was first coming in as the 9 of pentacles. They were mainly focused on their work and themselves. And now they come up as the King of wands, which is a much more direct and sociable energy. They will be all about you basically and all up in your space.

What they love about you | King of swords

This person loves your communicative skills, your mind and analytical skills, your bratty and assertive attitude. They love that you know how to set your boundaries and ensure that people respect them. They love your maturity, your wit, your knowledge. You may be a bookworm or a history nerd. You may also be very good with technology. Another thing I'm picking up on is how observant you can be. This person loves your eyes and your voice. If you like singing, they could like that about you as well. You come off as very strong and demanding, maybe a bit harsh. Apparently they enjoy your bossy attitude with them and how clear you are about your needs and expectations. They love your sarcastic attitude. How bold you are and unafraid of consequences. Some of you may have simply thrown this person off verbally. Like you could have downright made fun of them or insulted them. You can definitely talk back and keep people in check which they may not be used to. I feel like for some of you, your person is used to people obeying their every command and tending to their needs. However, that doesn't work with you. You challenge them and their views, which keeps them on their toes.

What they wish to say | 3 of swords clarified by the 6 of cups

This person wants to tell you that it's okay not to be okay. That they wish you would trust them a little more and let them in. I feel like many of you have been badly hurt in previous relationships, thus it is now hard for you to fully open up to this person and be at ease with them. They also want to tell you that they are here for you, should you ever feel sad or in pain. They want to tell you that they are hurt too. That they understand you and your fears. That they need time to heal. And you do as well. If you are in a separation with this person, they want to tell you that being away from you is taking a toll on them. That it breaks their heart that they cannot have you now. That though the past may have shown you that people could not be trusted, not everyone is the same and the past is not bound to be repeated. That they can help you and support you, protect you from harm and protect your heart from further damage. That you should not fear them because they are your soulmate and their purpose is to love and heal you, not bring you down.

Group 2

Your overall energy is the Death card. There could have been a major fallout or change within the connection in the past. As this card represents Scorpio, you or this person could have major Scorpio placements in your chart. Either this connection has come to an end or both of you are ending a cycle in your respective lives. This could be a very challenging time for both of you. I don't think you and this person are in contact right now. If that is not your case, then this may be indicating a period of separation that is coming.

Your energy | The World

This energy feels very fixed and abundant. Also very grounded and balanced. It's like your whole presence is telling this person "whatever you do, wherever you are, I am not moving". You are standing your ground when it comes to this connection. You know your worth, you know what you bring to the table. You know that this person matters to you and that this connection has a lot of potential. You know what your feelings are and what you need from this connection and you are doing everything you need, everything in your power to make this work. Whether it be taking your distances or showing this person that you care, you do it all. You radiate love, you embody love, you are embodying your divine self and accepting yourself and this person as you are, as well as the connection. There is a lot of faith coming from you regarding this connection. You have reached your full potential and are doing your part, as far as you are concerned. You may currently be traveling or intend to travel for the purpose of this connection. As of now, you may be at a distance from your person.

Their energy | Page of pentacles

Your person is focused on their learning and career. Their energy towards the connection is much more practical and realistic but also less mature, I feel. This person may be more influenced by their fears than you are. It could also be that they lack experience in relationships and may not know how to proceed with this connection. They are in a dynamic of getting to know you better and learning how to match your expectations so that they can step up to the plate and be on your level. The page here is facing straight ahead. He is coming at the querent with a peaceful and calm attitude, as if he were trying to reach a common ground and offer peace. Maybe this person has come to the realisation that they have things to apologize for and that if they wish for this connection to progress further, they need to come towards you and make you a tangible offer. The page's heart is open however their gaze is hidden. That may be a sign that this person is shy around you and though they are wanting to come towards you, they may be fearful of your reaction and perception of them. They are being careful when it comes to you and taking their time in assessing the situation.

Their fears | Queen of wands

This person may be fearing intimacy and passion. They may be feeling like this connection is moving too fast. I also feel like they may be scared that your intentions are purely physical and that you have no interest in them on an emotional level what so ever. They may be afraid of being used for their looks or status instead of being loved for who they are. They may be afraid that this connection quickly dies out and that is something that they do not wish for. They may also dread your judgement regarding their body and appeal. They may fear rejection when it comes to their body and sensuality. They could fear that you are not satisfied with them, that you do not feel attracted to them despite their looks. They may fear that you do not deem that they are worthy of your attention and energy.

Their hopes | 6 of swords clarified by the King of pentacles

This person first hopes for clarity. They also hope for freedom and peace. They want to be able to move forward, whether it is with or without you. They want to reach a solid ground where they can finally settle and see where they are going. I feel like this person feels lost and overwhelmed within this connection. They do not know where they stand with you and where you stand with them. They hope for security and a solid ground to build on. They hope that this connection will lead to something stable and tangible, long lasting, traditional. They don't want this connection to be a one night stand. At the end of the day, they hope for a deep and fruitful connection based on trust and communication, on reciprocity and clarity. A connection that makes them feel like all their worries and responsibilities aren't that important and cannot bother them. They hope to escape their reality that may be boring or tiring through this connection. They hope for relief.

Their feelings | 5 of swords clarified by page of swords

This person feels confused is the first thing that comes to mind. They feel like they constantly have to fight in order to figure out what your thoughts are, what your needs are. They feel like they constantly have to fight for your attention and that you do not trust them. They feel drained, tired, scared. They feel upset and in the need of clear communication on your behalf as to what you want from them, what you hope for within the connection, what your intentions are on a long term. They feel like they don't know you enough to be able to make an informed decision. They feel like they lack information or that you are blocking them from progressing towards you. They feel frustrated because you can't seem to find a way to get to you or to communicate with you properly. They may be angry at you for something you did or said, or what you didn't do or say. They feel left out and rejected.

Their actions | White Numen

I feel like this person intends to charge forward and get the truth out of your mouth whether you like it or not. This person will not back down until they know what is going on. If you were in a conflict or in a separation, they want to come towards you and start over again. The White Numen is an energy of co creation. They want to build something with you and create with you. So this person intends to give the connection one more chance, even though they don't know where this could lead. They are done waiting and hoping for things to magically resolve on their own, or for you to make the first step because it doesn't feel like you'll be doing so anytime soon. This person is preparing for battle. There's a bull depicted on the card so Taurus season could be significant. There's also a part of the moon cycle being depicted and the first quarter is being highlighted. The next first quarter of the moon is happening in early November (around the 9th). That could also be significant.

What they love about you | Empress

This person loves your femininity and sensuality. They love your nurturing and creative nature. They also love your dedication and patience, your stubbornness and ambition. You are someone that does not give up nor do you back down from a challenge. You take your time and do things your way, no matter if it has to take decades. No matter if people laugh at you. You always remain true to yourself. You are fair, grounded, mature, generous, kind. You do not look down on people but you do not lower yourself either. You stand tall and proud, perfectly embracing your essence and standing in your power. You embody the divine feminine and you can pride yourself on being one hell of a badass. This person loves this about you. They love how confident you can be without having to bring others down. How natural you are and how everything feels so effortless to you. How abundant you are. They love your body, your aesthetic, your tastes in general especially when it comes to your looks. They love your curves. They view you as a goddess. They may feel like you are a taste of Heaven. They admire your strength and grace.

What they wish to say | Knight of cups clarified by Strength

They wish to say that they love you dearly. That they genuinely care about you and wish to be with you. That their feelings are real and honorable. That they hope you can see the good in them and the value in what they bring to the table. They want to tell you that they wish to be your knight in shining armor. That they would do anything for you if you let them. They want to tell you that they feel a fondness for you they cannot explain. That they are willing to step up to the plate and up their game because you are worth it. That they want to romance you and ask you out on a date. That you make them feel invicible and they could conquer the world for you if you asked them. That they only live for your love and attention. And should you let them in, they would make sure that you would never have to regret it.

Group 3

Your overall energy is the 9 of pentacles. I feel like there is a disconnet within this connection and both of you are in a no contact situation. This feels quite recent. Both of you may currently be focused on your respective careers / studies / finances. You may also both be in an energy of wanting to prioritize yourself over the connection because you feel like this isn't going anywhere.

Your energy | 5 of pentacles

You may be missing this person a lot at the moment and feel left out in the cold by them. You may feel like the situation you are in is unfair and detrimental to your security and well being. You feel insecure about the future of this connection and like you are the loser in the situation. You may feel like this person has robbed you of your energy, joy, abundance, heart. You may regret the time spent with this person or the decision that were made. You may be feeling unsupported, ignored, misunderstood. Like your expectations and needs were not met. You feel abandoned by this person and like you can never get back to where you were or what you had. You feel hurt and possibly scared. Used and abused.

Their energy | The Lovers

This person may be at a crossroads. They are face with a choice that they don't know how to deal with. They may already be considering another person as their partner. Or they are downright in a new relationship already. The Lovers also is associated with Gemini. Gemini represents communication. This person may be in an energy of wanting to express to you the reasons of their actions and choices. They may be wanting to reach out to you in order to offer you a dilemma. It could also show that they are indecisive about you. They may be in a status quo state where they are not sure whether they want to keep this connection going or end it all together. Thus they may be playing hot and cold with you, alternating between periods of communication and times of silence. They may also be unpredictable around you and confusing. They feel like they are all over the place and their communication doesn't make sense. They may not even understand themselves right now.

Their fears | 7 of pentacles

This person may be fearful of commitment and intimacy. They are also afraid of the time, effort and dedication it would take for this relationship to prosper. This person may fear that they do not have the patience and strength required to make the relationship work. They also are afraid that all their efforts and patience would be in vain. It's like this person is saying "let's say I give you a chance, what guarantees me that this will work out and last?" ,"what guarantees do I have that you will stick with me?". They're afraid that you cannot be trusted. This person is afraid of being hurt or disappointed. Of being the one that gives their all only to be met with silence. This person's past could still be impacting them to this day.

Their hopes | Black Numen clarified by 10 of wands

This person could be hoping to be set free from this connection and the struggles that go along. They may be wanting for it to be purified and renewed, whether that means that you both go on your separate ways or decide to stick together. They hope for a deep transformation that will completely change the dynamic of the connection so that they are not the only one bearing the weight of the connection and the responsibility of it. They hope that they are not responsible in case the connection would fail to take flight. They hope that they will not be left in the dark with the burden of whatever happened between the two of you, having to deal with the consequences of a possible break up.

Their feelings | Ace of swords clarified by knight of cups

This person feels attached to you. They want clarity from you about your feelings for them because they feel like their feelings are not reciprocated. They feel like they are the only one fighting for the connection. This person feels also hopeful. They think that this connection could work out if both of you are consenting to put the effort needed to see it prosper. They feel protective over you. They also feel like they have more clarity on where they stand with you, what they feel for you and what you mean to them. They have warm feelings for you that they wish to convey. They are thinking about you and the connection, they are thinking of what they can do to come towards you and rekindle the connection. They feel like they can genuinely convince you to give this another try. They know now that their feelings are of a romantic nature and not just friendship. They feel like they want to take the connection to a new level of emotional intimacy. They feel close to you and connected with you despite what may have happened between you. They find it hard to forget you.

Their actions | King of cups clarified by the Queen of pentacles

This person intends to come back to you and express their genuine love and affection. They could be appologizing for their actions and trying to give you closure. They want to be there for you and provide you with the emotional support you need. They wish to heal the connection and nurture it. If this person was avoidant of their feelings in the past, they want to face them in the near future and clearly adress them. This person is willing to be patient and approach the connection with emotional maturity. They are willing to give you the time and space that you need to find your footing and forgive them if that is your wish. They want to reach a common ground and restore peace, understanding and proximity between you. They wish to show empathy and take responsibility for whatever happens next. They are likely to step up to the plate and give you what you need, at their own pace. They want to cultivate the connection and take care of you, give you the attention that you were lacking from them and make it up to you.

What they love about you | Temperance

They love your calm and forgiving nature, your ability to understand others and show mercy. They love how adaptable you can be and how you always see things from a higher perspective. You're a person that never retaliates, no matter what people may do to you. You just mind your own business and remain stable, walking in your lane. They love how mature and balanced you are, how you cautiously proceed in life and balance out other people. You are both very passionate and very nurturing. You can switch from one dynamic to another very swiftly. You navigate relationships easily, not expecting much from people and always giving generously when needed. They love how you don't hold gruges and understand human nature. You are wise beyond your years and extremely graceful. They love your alluring figure, your soft nature and taste for equity in everyting. They love your humble nature, your moderation. How discreet you are and quick to act. You take your time assessing situations in people. You are delicate and charming. You feel very airy to this person, like a creature that comes from a fairy tale. They love your aerian beauty and your mind. Your openmindedness and curiosity.

What they wish to say | 9 of swords clarified by High Priestess

They wish to say that they lose sleep over you and cannot forget you no matter how they try. That they see you in their sleep, whether those are dreams or nightmares. That they are scared of losing you. That they wish they could understand you more and unveil the mysteries of your nature. They wish to tell you that one of the reasons why they stay away from you is because they do not wish you to see their weaknesses and fears. That they don't want you to see their despair and vulnerability. For some of you, this person is dealing with anxiety and/or depression that they wish to hide from you. They wish to tell you that they receive intuitive downloads from you which explains why they cannot move on from you. That they feel connected to you in the 5D. They wish to tell you that the uncertainty of the connection and the future worries them. They also want to tell you that your silence and distance troubles them. They feel like they cannot reach you and that triggers them. A part of them is scared of your power and influence. With the High Priestess I get the feeling that some of you may be psychics or into tarot. That scares you person. They feel like you bewitched them. They wish to say that you're all they think of and that most of the time thoughts of you haunt them at night. They're also afraid that you maybe hiding something from them.

[obsessedwithceleste]

Theodore Nott Headcanons

Dedicated to this lil request here 🫶🏽

©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.

It’s no secret that Theodore Nott had a rough childhood

Between witnessing his mother’s death at a young age and having a particularly ruthless father, Theo learned to be quietly reserved early on

1000% Theo is an introvert

Despite being seemingly closed off, he’s extremely observant and good at reading others and picking up on things quickly

While he may not be the best at deciphering his own emotions, he’s able to sort through others’ easily

This makes it easy for him to be rather manipulative because he knows what makes other’s tick and how to go straight for the jugular

He may be distant and off putting in the beginning, but once you get close, he’s a clingy bastard because he doesn’t let many people get close, so once you make it there he’ll basically hold you captive forever

He’s also stupid smart

(Canonically he’s able to re-create an illegal time turner after they were all destroyed in the department of mysteries so//)

And this makes him a bit of an arrogant asshole

Looks down on people he thinks aren’t as smart as him

He definitely thinks that he knows best and can have a “my way or the highway” type mindset

Probably has some type of gifted kid™️ trauma and a crippling fear of failure

Anyway, he’s super intelligent and witty and has the potential to do really well in classes

But he has a nasty habit off skiving off with Mattheo Riddle

Who happens to be his best friend along with Lorenzo Berkshire

A lot of people think Theo is the “mother” of the group, or at least the one with the most impulse control

They’re wrong

Theo is the one that Mattheo goes to with his dumbass ideas and Theo’s response is generally something along the lines of-

“Absolutely not you tosser. If we’re going to do it, we’re going to do it right”

Queue Mattheo’s initial plan- only methodically planned out to cause maximal amounts of emotional trauma for the Hogwarts population

Theo and Mattheo are also a chaotic duo on the quidditch pitch

Theo is a chaser

Making the quidditch team in his third year is one of the only times his father showed a hint of satisfaction with the boy

Being on the Slytherin quidditch team, he’s often labeled a preppy jock

And Mattheo does help him break out of his shell more

But he’s a nerdy lil book worm at heart and likes to be holed up in the library most days

Theo also has quite the reputation of being a ladies man with rumors about his escapades swarming the student body

But really they’re just that- rumors

Lorenzo is more of the openly flirtatious pretty boy, and Mattheo certainly knows how to make his way around which is perhaps why people think Theo would be the same way

But he isn’t one to really form physical attachments- emotional or not

He prefers to fly under the radar

He may have had a fling or two, but isn’t one to kiss and tell

He has a hard time entering a real relationship

Mostly because when he first realizes he’s caught feelings, he’s convinced he’s actually just ill and stays in bed pretending to be sick

But once he comes to terms with things, he’s one determined wizard

Makes sure everyone knows that you’re off limits (possibly before you know yourself)

Definitely goes to Enzo for advice on how to woo you

With varying degrees of success

King of subtle PDA (just enough to mark his territory)

Confident and secure in his relationship, but also still jealous as hell

Will hex the living shit out of someone for breathing at you the wrong way

Finds it amusing when you get jealous though

But will shut it the fuck down as soon as he picks up on you being actually upset (probably embarrassing whoever it is in the process)

Not always the best at communicating his feeling cause he’s emotionally constipated af

But tries because he knows he doesn’t want a relationship like his parent’s

Okayyy I think that’s all for now, but I have a feeling these will grow and evolve with time sooo- ongoing (?) idk

[hotwaterandmilk]

I've been scanning the Yami no Purple Eye art book and it got me thinking about why I still feel so strongly about Shinohara Chie's horror-tinged works in particular. They don't have the sweeping settings, period detail or political intrigue of her historical titles, but they're still the works of hers I revisit most often.

I love the way Shinohara captures the physical and psychological horror of being a teenage girl. How truly overwhelming it can be to come into a new physical state and be hit by heightened strengths and fears. All while grappling with how to reconcile this new, hungry state with the "good girl" you were before the change. It's the way she combines this age-old puberty parable with an escalated 80s bent on 40s Hollywood female monstrosity that never fails to linger in my mind.

Let me unpack my rambling thoughts on this a bit and yeah they are pretty rambly I'm sorry I've got that neurological thing going on and it makes being articulate harder than it has ever been before. Forgive me!

Spoilers, bloody images and rambling re: Yami no Purple Eye, Ao no Fuuin, Umi no Yami Tsuki no Kage and Mizu ni Sumu Hana below.

The heroines of Shinohara's longer horror works are all seemingly average girls who are awakened to something horrific within them as teenagers (be it Rinko as panther, Ruka to psychic abilities, or Souko as an oni). Suddenly they're overcome not just by abilities but feelings, appetites, desires. They go from being good, average girls to young women battling forces within them stronger than anything known to science. There's always a boy there to support them through this, but they feel otherwise isolated or dangerous, unable to seek support from anyone else.

Yami no Purple Eye is frequently compared to the 1942 film Cat People and understandably so - in both you have a beautiful young woman descendended from "cat people" whose beastial side can take over when base urges overcome their normally sweet demeanor (though this film is absolutely not the first example of a 'cat person' in speculative fiction). The major difference, I would posit (aside from the more explicitly sexual nature of Cat People's change), is that Irena is an adult and while she also struggles with her identity and powers this battle is not new to her, she is hopeful for a way out but also somewhat resigned to the way things are.

Rinko from Yami no Purple Eye is new to being a panther, she is fearful of her secret getting out but also fearful of herself, of her purple eyes and her "unnatural" urges. While so much of Cat People is a relatively subtle look at female sexuality as a monstrosity in itself, Yami no Purple Eye shows a transformation that at puberty can be harnessed as a form of protection but also remains linked to the animal kingdom and not "enlightened" modern human society.

While Rinko's incredible strength saves her from all sorts of precarious situations, it feels new and out of her control. It isolates her from normal humans and it paints a target on her her back for Kaoruko, the primary antagonist of the series. I think what makes these pubescent power awakenings so alarming for all Shinohara's horror heroines is this lack of control. They didn't willingly trigger their transformation, they don't understand it properly, and they cannot control it. Ultimately each of them goes through a period of feeling incredible isolation from human society, which is common in a lot of speculative texts where the lead finds themselves estranged from society at large.

In Umi no Yami, Tsuki no Kage Ruka has the double-whammy of losing her normal life and her twin sister, Rumi, who has become deranged while coming into her own psychic powers. Although Ruka has the support of love-interest Katsuyuki, it is this love rivalry which put a wedge between her and her sister in the first place. At times, Ruka feels lost with all the destruction triggered by the sisters' transformation, held by Katsuyuki but with a 1000 yard stare in her eyes. Both Ruka and Rumi know deep down that only they can defeat one another, but how do you defeat your identical twin? How do you fight what is essentially your shadow self and your base instincts run riot?

It requires an understanding of the transformation, an acceptance of the change that has taken place, and a peace with what must come next - all of which takes Ruka the better part of 18 volumes to achieve. Mizu ni Sumu Hana takes a shorter route on a similar theme with the two Rikkas and the seeds, giving us another set of two near identical yet drastically different girls fighting for survival.

And being a teenage girl in these stories is very much focused on trying to survive. Another consistency across all these series that underscores the isolation of the heroines is the loss of those around them. Family members and friends are murdered or manipulated indiscriminately. Even if Shinohara's heroines try to seek support from someone other than their love interest, it is very quickly put to a stop by an opposing force. For a young woman in these worlds, struggling to understand her new body and changed mind, there is no option for support outside a male romantic interest.

That in itself is horrifying (though admittedly not as well-examined within text as I'd like, it certainly does feel like a comment) but it becomes a hell of a lot worse if your love interest's goals are at odds with your own. We see this with Souko in Ao no Fuuin who is revealed to be an oni that must survive by consuming humans. Her (false) memories are human and she has only recently learned of her oni nature so understandably she doesn't want to be a predator, yet she must eat people to survive. Akira, her love interest, rather than being a dutiful normal boy like Shin'ya in Yami no Purple Eye, is from an opposing family tasked with destroying her.

Eventually Akira's affection for Souko outweighs his duty to eliminate her and the two work together to try and figure out a way for her to become human and thus no longer require defeating. But initially in Ao no Fuuin, Souko is entirely alone with her growing hunger and power, unable to confide in anyone and unsupported by a romantic interest which proves just as isolating as it sounds. Like Rinko, Souko has gaps in her memory, a sensation that she's done something unnatural but a desperate need to be wrong about it, to be proven human despite all evidence to the contrary. As both heroines have entered their teenage years they have lost all they knew of stability, family and normalcy to have it be replaced by the uncanny, unnatural and unacceptable.

To have the body and mind become unreliable in your teenage years, to feel overwhelmed by forces you didn't know were within you, to feel like you're the only one experiencing such horrors... I mean it's all a big puberty metaphor isn't it? And yeah, to a degree these stories are simply turning the horror dial up to eleven on a cross-cultural feeling of coming into the power and bodily changes of adulthood before your mind can catch up with them (though in the case of Shinohara's stories every lead is shown to be attracted to the opposite sex and not explored as being anything other than cis, so there's definitely a lot left unexplored regarding pubscent queerness in her worlds).

All of Shinohara's long-form horror heroines seem to go through a period of grasping back for the safety and "normalness" of their childhood selves, of who they were before their body and mind betrayed them. Souko repeats to herself countless times that she is human not necessarily because she knows it to be true, but because she wants it to be true. She longs for who she believes she once was and we see similar grief for Rinko and Ruka, now awakened to their new lives as teenage monsters, as they reflect back on the comforting dullness of the recent past with a newfound appreciation and longing.

Ultimately, however, Souko was never a normal teenage girl. Rinko's power was dormant but she was always of panther blood. Rikka was always going to be used as a pawn between black and white dragons. Only Ruka, whose power was awakened after surviving a near-fatal bacterial infection, ever had an entirely normal human childhood and even then she must accept that what she and her sister had in their innocence can never be rediscovered. For some of these heroines there was never a "normal" to go back to and even for those that did have a glimpse at average life, it is ultimately gone from their grasp regardless. Time marches ever onward and for these young women there is no ability to wind back the clock, they must continue forward like all of us, even if their awakening to adulthood is more violent and bloody than most.

While everything I've touched on so far seems absolutely godawful, I think it's important to tie this all together with a bow of hope. Shinohara Chie's long-form horror and suspense stories put all their leads through the wringer, but they are never without hope. There is some degree of happiness out there for all her heroines, victims of circumstance and blood. However, it is not the happiness they had anticipated for themselves as adults and I think that is key to the whole exercise. Shinohara's heroines can at times be passive, clinging desperately to the idea that they can reverse what cannot be reversed. But in the end they must accept and embrace their new bodily powers. Just as we all must accept adulthood even when it doesn't adhere to our childhood hopes and dreams.

Rinko goes through absolute hell to try to get her happy ending and ultimately she doesn't get it, but her daughter Mai does manage to carve out a sense of happiness just by being with the man she loves. Souko can shed her obligation to the Kimon and be with Akira because her previous incarnation's daughter willingly takes on the role of heir for her. Ruka can live on but to do so must kill a willing Rumi and accept that what happened to them will ultimately be forgotten by the greater consciousness. Both Rikkas are revived and can choose their ultimate lifespan as the lost lotus flowers blossom once more.

None of these are your traditional happy ending, but what links them together is a sense of sacrifice. Part of the journey into adulthood, into surviving the horror of having a body as a teenage girl, is accepting the flawed state of adulthood. It comes at considerable sacrifice and it isn't necessarily what you dreamed it would be, but it is yours and you got where you are as an adult through the blood, sweat and tears of your younger self. There's a beauty to that and to Shinohara's flawed heroines and their often patchy narratives. Having a body can be horrific, it can be overwhelming, and it is inherently isolating... but it is essential to experiencing the beauty we do have in this world.

And idk I just think that's neat.

Shinohara isn't an artist to everyone's tastes and I do think there are strengths to her historical tales that perhaps aren't as present in her more horrific works, but her super powered horror stories manage to capture a type of pubescent alarm that a lot of other authors cannot master. While all these works do feel dated to a degree and present a limited scope of gender and sexuality, there's something I find timeless about revisiting the horror and joy of being a girl both cursed and blessed with the burden of a body.

-

Edit 14/10/24: I would like to point out that my use of the term "horror" here relates to consistent thematic elements presented in these series rather than their specific genre labels, roots in other sub-genres or relation to other foundational texts outside of Shinohara's oeuvre.

Shinohara's speculative work is frequently labeled battle/suspense manga (with some shorter works earning a 'suspense horror' description at their most intense) and I am in no way disagreeing with these labels or trying to relabel the above titles as strictly horror. Nor does this post seek to break down the full context of these titles as they fit into the development of 80s/90s/00s shoujo.

This post exclusively reflects my personal thoughts on the bodily perils faced by Shinohara's super-powered heroines in the aforementioned texts through a horror lens (which in turn reflects my area of focus back when I studied film).

Everyone will have their own intrepretations of these texts and these characters and that's what makes hearing people's opinions so interesting - always open to hearing yours if you stumble onto this. ^^