#100% sane and normal individual right here

[eyep0calypse]

swap fnaf au stuff, where henry gets to be the local murderer instead of william!

which means circus baby gets replaced by the marionette!!!

i just like the idea of her having baby’s monologues,,,, especially the “im broken. i can’t be fixed” part,,,,,,

she lost her legs bc of an “accident” as a kid,,, and henry just. gave her a spring. and now she’s a jack in the box themed attraction,,,,,

IF YOU WANNA KNOW MORE JUST LIKE. SEND AN ASK AND I CAN MAKE A FULL POST ABOUT MARI ALONE,,,,,

[dawnofplumeria]

I'm a bit curious about this (don't hate)

Why do you ship Kokunaki? While they don't have any interactions and moments with each other?

Even I see some of its shippers always say that it is canon but it has never been confirmed like that, which makes me somewhat displeased with the ship.

If you like it then I'm fine with that because I respect everyone's preferences

(You can scroll down all the way to the bottom for TLDR if you're short on time😉)

Sorry it took so long to answer...🙇🏻‍♀️😓

I'm glad you asked! In the past, i had a few people asking me why I ship Kokunaki, I'm happy to answer this one! This response will be a bit long since I have so much to say on Kokunaki 😊

Kokunaki is not my first rare pair, so I've been a believer that characters don't need to interact in order for the ship to be valid or good. True, we never got them to see them appear in the same scene together at all. The only time we ever got to see the two next together in any official kny media is in kimetsu gakuen chapter 20 (and they didn't even talk to each other). However, there's so much potential between them to explore in fanworks that I simply can't ignore.🤔

I'm not even sure what source these other shippers use to say that Kokunaki is canon. As far as I know, I couldn't find such source and none provided any. I'm guessing you highly prefer canon ships over fanon ones (which, is your choice and that's ok🤷‍♀️).🤔

At least you're a pretty good sport.🙂

Oh right, here's why I am obsessed with Kokunaki...😊

-I find them appealing to look at together from a visual standpoint. 6 eyes and one eye? So adorable🥰. Pretty much the first reason many people (and myself included) find themselves to ship Kokunaki💕. Also, the height difference is cute(Ik Nakime's official height is unknown, but I'd like tot hink she's 5"0 tall)☺️.

-They share similar personality traits. Both are aloof, quiet, stoic introverts who are surrounded by idiots😆. Due to both of them being the more sane or normal among the UMs, I'd like to believe they at least don't mind each other's company in canon. They'd love to talk to each other and overall spend time together. Their similar personality traits leads them to think and act similarly-so, they'll rarely fight or have major disagreements between them.

-We get to explore sides of both characters that the canon couldn't. In canon, Kokushibo does have very tiny bit of humanity left. If he doesn't have any humanity at all, he would've dispose of that flute that he managed to carry with him for 400+ years. At the very least, Kokushibo does indeed love and care for his brother the entire time (even though he won't admit it). As for Nakime, it's difficult to tell if she had any humanity at all since we the audience don't know much about her. The story has not presented us with any redeemable or sympathetic qualities for her. It could be argued that her ex-husband might've been abusive. Even then, we don't know much about her ex-husband either. What I'm trying to say is that by putting these two together in a relationship together, we can explore their human sides individually and together. Love in any way among demons is extremely rare,so imagining Naki & Koku as romantic partners can help bring out the softer, gentle nature deeply buried in them. Exploring the idea that they aren't 100% heartless monsters can do wonders to their characterization in fanon.

The potential of them as a power couple. Kokushibo has been UM1 from the start and has kept his title since. In Nakime's fight, two hashiras struggled to land a single blow on her. We haven't seen Nakime fight outside of the infinity castle, so we wouldn't know how much she'll do well outside of her domain. However, she's a powerful demon in her own right, and Kokushibo might see potential in her. Under his guidance, Nakime might still get to be powerful outside of the infity castle. With her and Kokushibo side by side in combat, they can operate as an offense and defense duality. Nakime can be the offensive force, while Kokushibo can be the defense force. Ultimately, they'll have someone to fight for😍

-Both were in unhappy marriages. Although not explicitly stated, it can be implied that both were in arranged, loveless marriages. I find it hard to believe Nakime willingly chooses to tie the knot with a gambling addict. From what we can read of her backstory from the fanbook, her ex-husband did nothing to contribute to household finances. In fact, he usually flushes Nakime's earnings down the drain-which is why the two are poor. Nowhere does the fanbook ever mention any positive memories the two have together. Given that the reason Nakime murdering her ex-husband is because he gambled away her only nice kimono, it must've been the last straw from her. Nakime pretty much had to put up a lot emotionally (and perhaps physically) to being stuck with a man who has trouble with money.

As for Kokushibo, he has a stronger case for being in an arranged, loveless marriage. He's the eldest son of his clan with a lot of expectations placed on his family. Of course, his family would set him up with a daughter from another wealthy family. Canonically, he did describe his marriage as "boring". This leads me to doubt he and his ex-wife lvoed each other at all from the beginning. Due to a lack of love or interest towards his ex-wife and kids from his memories, he most likely formed a family purely out of societal obligation (still not a free pass for him to go out and buy milk though).

During the times when Koku & Naki were humans, arranged, loveless marriages were the norm. Unfortunately for our unusual eye couple, divorce isn't an option in their human years. When the two become close and comfortable to be vulnerable to each other, they'll open up and relate to formerly being in unhappy marriages.

-The forbidden/tragic love aspect. They're not in a Romeo and Juliet type situation, but their romantic relationship can bring them a lot of risks. Like I said earlier, many demons don't even get along (mainly because Muzan makes it difficult for mutual bonds among demons to happen). Romance is highly unheard of among demon kind. Given as to their backgrounds and roles in the 12 kizuki, it's a perfect recipie for heart-wrenching angst. Due to them both most likely never having romantic feelings towards anyone before, it'll take them quite a while to realize or admit to such feelings (Kokushibo would be more stubborn and in denial in this aspect than Nakime). Kokushibo and Nakime are very lucky to be Muzan's favorites so that their relationship can be approved. Although Muzan trusts them to not backstab them, he'll secretly spy on them here and there. Since Muzan Witnessing demons being in love is a once in a blue moon phenomenon, he'll probably toy with our love birds for his own sick entertainment. One of the conditions Muzan would give them to continue being romantic partners is to always put him first before each other.

As if it wasn't enough to get Muzan' approval, Naki & Koku will have to keep their relationship behind closed doors from EVERYONE. Luckily, I don't think either of them would be into PDA. In fact, they strike me as a couple who prefer to be affectionate in secret. However, they're still gonna have to be cautious about potential spies and nosy beings. Afterall, they can' let their relationship get in the way of their duties.

-Ultimately, all they'll have is each other. One of the reasons the two will be drawn to each other is vulnerability. Think about it, Nakime is quite quiet, unsettling individual with a very strong "don't come any closer type of nature. As for Kokushibo, he's UM 1 and one of the oldest and most feared demons in existence. As much as both of them are content with their roles among the 12 Kizuki, it can get pretty lonely. Nakime does feel safe in the domain she created to her own liking, but her role as Muzan' lackey can get quite isolating and she'll be in her thoughts most of the time. As much proud Kokushibo is for being the apex predator of the demon hierarchy, he's extremely unapproachable to many.

Due to their similar personalities, they can easily listen and understand each other. When close enough, they'll even know what each other is thinking just by very subtle body movements. The start of a beautiful friendship turned romance is them realizing that they don't need to be completely alone 100% of the time.

TLDR: The reason I ship Kokunaki is because of the potential these two could have together. They are pretty similar in personality and thinking, interesting exploration for their characters and there is room for possibilities to explore demons in love. Kokunaki provides a potentially angsty slowburn fest as a result of two characters coming from troubled, broken backgrounds who are trying to navigate the unnerving world around them. I hope I answered your question successfully well🥰

👀👀👀💘👁

[sohotthateveryonedied]

so i’m trying to write duke and i don’t think i’m writing him right. how would you describe his personality because with don’t trust fanon lmfaooo

(this was only supposed to be a paragraph or two i swear to god)

1. first things first, duke is a hardcore gryffindor. don’t let the yellow color scheme mislead you, okay. and while most of the time he’s depicted in fanon as “omg this family is crazy and i’m the only sane one,” it’s actually pretty much the opposite? if anything, i think the other batkids would be like “oh finally, someone who can match our level of chaotic energy. HEY DUKE WANNA BUNGEE JUMP OFF WAYNE TOWER—” and an hour later they’d all be in the batcave getting lectured by bruce for leading poor sweet innocent duke astray when really he was already planning on doing that this weekend.

listen, this is the kid who once jumped off a bridge to escape police. this is the dude who decided to fight criminals while they’re still eating their wheaties at 6am in a bright yellow suit. and while duke seems to be the best at following bruce’s command at the moment due to having been trained by him most recently compared to the others and is still figuring out how to be a hero, i’m positive that if bruce weren’t here to guide him, duke would be running around gotham taking down criminals anyway. i mean, he literally did do that with the “we are robin” kids. plus there was the whole thing when he was like ten years old and decided “i am going to singlehandedly stop the riddler in my light up sketchers and pikachu backpack. try and stop me.” 

duke is headstrong and has a strong drive toward heroism. he’s an extremely enthusiastic and passionate person in general, and i try to capture a little of that when i write him, even with mundane things like trying to beat his siblings to the last cupcake. 

2. another thing i noticed is that duke swears like a sailor in comics? seriously, this boy could give jason a run for his money with how many “@#!%” speech bubbles there are. i don’t know if this is just a trend the writers added in the comics i’ve read of him, or if it’s a genuine trait throughout every comic he’s in, but that’s something to make note of when writing dialogue for duke. after all, he did grow up in the narrows, so it makes sense that he’d use a lot of swearing and slang in his everyday vernacular.

3. i would also make a point of noting that duke is fairly young compared to the rest of the batfamily, being the second youngest after damian. duke is still a teenager in high school, and he acts like it. he’s got homework and friends and is eager to make a difference in gotham, trying to juggle everything and make it all work somehow. he’s stubborn and doesn’t give up easily, so it’s important to write him as someone who is trying to save the world while also struggling with finding time to study for his next math test. he's human. he doesn’t get to dedicate all of his time to fighting crime like cass or jason might be able to, since duke is still a mostly normal teenager with teenager problems.

4. and don’t forget that unlike the other batkids, duke still has two living parents. sure, they’re jokerized and might not ever be the same again, but they’re alive and that’s what holds him back from letting himself get as close to the waynes as he wants to. duke won’t be calling bruce “dad” anytime soon, and i think he’d have some internal struggle over stuff like holidays and birthdays with the waynes, remembering what his parents are missing out on and wondering if joining the wayne family is a betrayal to them. duke is very conflicted over this, even if he doesn’t say it directly. stuff like ducking out of movie night early or feeling a bittersweet pang during thanksgiving dinner makes sense for someone in his situation. 

(i usually ignore that aspect in my fics because i want duke to just be adopted and part of the family already, but not everyone does that, and that’s perfectly fine.)

5. honestly, duke is such a caring individual and we as a fandom need more of him being a shoulder for people to lean on because he’s?? so soft?? duke can be so sympathetic and rational when it comes to emotional problems. it seems like duke internalizes every bit of advice he gets from the people around him and uses it to inspire others and help them through their own problems. as tough and hotheaded as duke can sometimes be, he really is good when it comes to emotions.

6. duke is a smartass. he will 100% use sarcasm against any and every authority figure he meets, usually just for the hell of it. 

7. he’s very frank in general, usually the first to be like “okay full disclosure, we’re about to die right now. that sucks. anyway—” in a situation. he’s honest and tends to be upfront about his fears/anxieties, usually for comic relief, but i think it still counts.

8. okay i have to add that duke is also kind of a punk? he and jason have a lot in common because of this: they both grew up in one of gotham’s worse areas (jay in crime alley and duke in the narrows) and they’re both highkey deliquents. duke has no problem getting into fights or talking back to authority figures, and it’s gotten him in hot water on more than one occasion. it’s why he kept getting moved around the foster system before bruce took him in because no one wanted to keep him.

9. he’s also gotten so close with the other batkids and we love to see it!! duke calls cass “sis” and treats damian like the annoying little brother he never had and i adore every second of it. we haven’t gotten a lot of interactions between duke and the others aside from training and stuff, but he and jason have the whole “punk kid who got adopted by batman and is baffled by how rich people live” going for them, so they can bond over that. and duke is a thinker like tim, so they can hang out and do puzzles or play chess or whatever it is that smart people do. (and duke and steph are BESTIES i don’t care what anyone says.)

10. most of all, duke is still learning how the whole hero thing works. he’s young and he’s trying his best, but he also makes mistakes. he will be impulsive and screw up, and he’ll try and merge the lessons batman’s taught him and that his parents taught him and that other heroes teach him until it all makes sense in his own mind. duke isn’t experienced like dick or even damian, so he’s going to be lagging behind for a while until he grows until the role he’s made for himself.

other miscellaneous details to include: 

- duke is dating izzy, who used to be part of the “we are robin” gang with him - he used to live at the manor and now lives with his cousin jay, but honestly i just have him living at the manor in everything i write because i like it better that way - he can control shadows and light now! what a king! - duke secretly writes poetry and is good at creative writing in general  - this:

- duke is super smart?? he figured out that agent 37 was dick grayson without even trying?? i’m so proud of him - his biological father is this supervillain called gnomon so now duke has got four parents: his mom, his dad, his supervillain dad, and bruce (plus selina if you count her as the batkids’ stepmom, which i do) - jason calls him “narrows” and i love that

- and, lastly, the most important panel in the history of comics:

[ooooo-mcyt]

Honestly though I have seen a lot of takes that seem to really overstate/oversimplify Grian's negative- or perceived negative- personality traits and it feels very odd to me. Like, obligatory disclaimer that im new to the yhs fanbase and and as such don't know how old most of the fan content ive found on yhs is so if I ever mention character debate ive seen and y'all are like "I ain't seen anything like that recently???" It's cause I don't discriminate on new stuff, five year old stuff, or anything in between, mostly cause I don't know how old any post or whatever I stumble across is.

But like. I see Many posts implying Grian is rude, disrespectful, manipulative, vindictive, arrogant, and violent. And I don't *get* it.

I mean. Throughout yhs Grian is actually one of the characters most averse to violent or criminal action. His typical pattern of behaviour actually consists of Grian trying to completely avoid involvement in wild dangerous activities and objecting immediately both on logical and moral grounds, giving in only under outside pushing and often threat of serious harm to himself. And, well, duress is an actual legal defense in criminal cases that can get criminal charges cleared or reduced. "In criminal law, actions may sometimes be excused if the actor is able to establish a defense called duress. The defense can arise when there's a threat or actual use of physical force that drives the defendant—and would've driven a reasonable person—to commit a crime. A classic example is someone holding a gun to the defendant's head to force the defendant to break the law. Some courts use the term "coercion" or "compulsion" for this defense". Which is why it's immediately very odd to me for Grian to be assessed as just violent/criminal period as if that's an active part of his character. Most of the time when we see Grian commit a crime or physically harm someone he has reasonable cause to feel like he's in danger if he doesn't do so and would not take the same actions otherwise. Hell, legally speaking sometimes he's got an outright case for violencd self defense even beyond the cases for duress. Some examples of times Grian was involved in criminal activity include cases of robbery under duress, shooting in self defense, that kind of thing. This is a young highschooler with very minimum history of wrongdoing before getting stranded in a seriously abusive relationship in an incredibly crime heavy city and getting pulled into a string of crimes pretty much all with potential coercion/self-defense defenses built in. Literally everything about Grian's situation- from his age to his decently clean criminal history to the abuse he was suffering at the time to the use of threats/attacks against him to convince him to commit any crimes he was involved with- are likely to be a point in his favour on a legal standpoint and certainly should be notable when it comes to moral judgement. Quite frankly there aren't many characters in the series that id feel individually safer around because independently inciting violent encounters just isn't something he typically does. And having the survival instincts to bend under serious threat just isn't the same as being a violent person in your own right and saying Grian's just a violent or criminal person overall feels really weirdly oversimplified.

And beyond that is the idea that Grian's arrogant/disrespectful/manipulative/rude/vindictive. Which just feels out of pocket honestly. Grian can have a cynical streak, but that usually manifests in calling out genuinely inane bs or like...insulting his abuser(s). Stuff like being touchy and annoyed about their teachers not teaching them anything or calling Sam "literally the worst person who's ever lived" or making snide comments about how fucking insane Yuki is or similarly pretty justified grievances. Grian plays into the trope of the Only Sane Man, which, ive quoted this in the past but imma do it again, here's a quote from yhe tv tropes page on the Only Sane Man. "Alice is a Psycho for Hire, Bob is a Cloudcuckoolander, Henry is an Empty Shell, Charlotte is a Chaotic Stupid prankster, Daniel is the Annoying Younger Sibling, Emily is a Jerk with a Heart of Jerk, Maria Rhymes on a Dime, Franklin is a Mad Scientist, and Gardenia is a Holier Than Thou Lawful Stupid. Looks like your standard Dysfunction Junction. But then you have Isaac. Isaac is actually a very well-adjusted individual. He reacts with appropriate horror to things like Alice's finger collection or Franklin's experiments to revive the dead with science, and the crimes against nature that Gardenia calls pets. Isaac is the Only sane Man and The Only Voice Of Reason in the room". That's what Grian is. Pretty consistently. Grian's the guy that calls out the cruelty and incompetence and stupidity of the other characters because their general community is fucking *insane* and nobody else seems interested in questioning it. Grian isn't wrong about these observations though and it can't even be a case of "you're not wrong you're just an asshole" because he's not calling out harmless silly stuff, he's usually calling out shit like police corruption or the school neglecting their student's education or people consistently forgiving/excusing his abuser or the frequent unnecessary violence and crime going on in the community generally? And when he's in a situation where he's engaging with a kind or reasonable person Grian is actually typically prone to being polite and level headed in return. He's not typically, like, talking down to innocent people for harmless quirks/choices, he just shows a level of dismay and frustration towards the constant awful shit going on around him and in his interactions with people who are behaving like normal functional human beings he tends to have a pretty decent head on his shoulders?

Like. Grian isn't always in the right 100% of the time with no flaws and no incidents in which he's done something wrong. But he's definitely not some arrogant violent unempathetic prick who loves getting into fights and mocking undeserving people. The latter of which ive actually seen implied (maybe not quite as intensely/directly but ive certainly seen the words arrogant, violent, manipulative, unempathetic, disrespectful, and rude ascribed to him as general personality traits he has which just isn't accurate) way too many times for comfort.

[gojology]

Job Benefits. ( Part Two)

undesirable

- chapter two.

you can find part one here : part one : new beginnings pairing : ceo! gojo x female reader warnings : cursing wordcount : 1145 a/n : this is just me procrastinating finishing my valentines day event and it’s not even good plsss I HATE THIS

         There is something utterly angelic, almost eerily beautiful about you to Gojo.       Elegance, formality. Even as his negligence towards his own work turned to affect yours, you didn’t quite give it another thought as the papers piled up on your already messy desk. Buried upon mountains and mountains of endless streams of text, he’s quite surprised you’re still sane.       Now, he had just learned that you were in-fact, not.       It’s not like Gojo is too intimidated by your capability, too being the keyword. But never had he met a woman that looked the other way when his eyes met theirs, he could definitely work with this.       He’s wondering all about you, entranced, under a spell you didn’t know you casted. What did he have to do to grab your attention, was that even possible?       “Are you even listening?” you ask, tapping your newly returned carrot pen against the table’s hand carved edges, leaning onto the fine artwork. Gojo clears his throat, looking at you with painfully sarcastic eyes.      “Sure I am. You’re a scary woman you know? Guys don’t like that.” he quirked an eyebrow, anticipating your response- limit testing as one might say.      “That has nothing to do with the topic at hand, sir.” you plainly respond, hiding your hurt under your quivering tone, were you not desirable? Was that a requirement having to do with secretaries now or some shit? Gojo lifts open the lid of his candy jar, plucking out a translucent green one. The jar reeked of artificial flavoring.       It’s only when Gojo starts bursting out with laughter that you straighten and shoot him a dirty look, swallowing back tears. Popping another candy into his mouth, it confused you in so many ways, it would take many millennia to recount why it confused you. Why was he laughing, was he laughing at you?     “Holy, (Y/N). Loosen up a little. Here, have a candy.” opening the can of candies once more, the revolting smell filled the room once again, and you swear you’re about to vomit.        Crossing your arms across your chest, you instead huff, turning your back on him as he handed you a translucent candy. You took this time to wipe your tears away, some already spilling down your cheeks.      How could you possibly loosen up right now?       You had to continue the ongoing line of professionalism, it could be a test set up by your employers to see if you would slack off or not, and you weren’t having it. Gojo laughs, and laughs, and laughs, as though he had heard the funniest joke in the world, and you turn to look at him again.      When he’s done laughing, you raise your chin, looking down at him, hands on your hips like a mother.     “Don’t look at me like that, (Y/N)-chan. You can barely look down on me even though I’m sitting. Aww, wait- are you about to cry?” he mused aloud, taking another long slurp of his coffee, smacking his lips together, humming.       You splutter, not knowing how to react to his rather ill-mannered comment, you preferred for a man to not judge your physical looks, and he was really starting to get on your nerves now. His tone felt so demeaning, it hurt.     Maybe if it was a different day, or maybe a different hour, you’d give him a pity giggle- perhaps as a way to make amends for the bad day. Maybe, just maybe, you were tired from such a long annoying day that you needed a good cry and that was enough to push you into actually doing it. You take one last look at him, tears beginning to dawn yet again at the corner of your eyes, and off you went back to your office, long confident strides.      “Ooooh! Struck a nerve didn’t I?” you hear him laugh even down the hallway through his still widely opened door, and you grit your teeth.      Gojo was like every other person you met, commenting on you being some boring person, no, that wasn’t you. You were resourceful and smart, good with communicating. Wasn’t that a good thing?       Was there any good quality about you, not pertaining to work? There sure were a lot of negatives one.      Off the top of your head, you were too stuck up. That’s how you found yourself more alone then not; and you were sensitive. Too many times had you leapt into your mother’s arm, sniffling, snot running down your nose about the bullies that had pelted you with insult after insult. This hadn’t changed as you grew older, instead of tackling your mom though, you found yourself punching your pillow as a coping mechanism. You didn’t find yourself particularly attractive, though. Any normal person with stable confidence would’ve laughed alongside Gojo Satoru, you were sure he didn’t mean ill.      But it still hurt.       You don’t even know why you’re crying, at the back of the bus as you came home from a long unenjoyable day from work, you dabbled at your cheeks with tissues, and sooner or later you knew you’d run out. Embarrassed as random individuals stared at you with annoyance evident on their face. You tried so desperately to hide your sniffling, but you just couldn’t.     Even as you inserted and twisted your key, revealing the interior you had been dreaming about and designing as early as 8 years old, the door swinging wide open into the first living space you had bought with your own money- you still felt miserable over one little comment.       “Men don’t like me?” echoed at the back of your head, replaying the word vomit slipping out of his mouth, so easygoing it was like he was talking to a friend away from the work setting. Even as you began to make your dinner, even as you turned the shower on, even as you did anything- it was still there.      Never mind that, why did his opinion matter so much to you? You were sure it was banter, almost 100% sure. It just felt weird to have your boss make fun of you. You’re not even completely sure if he was making fun of you, maybe you’re talking out of your own ass.       These were the thoughts that went rampant in your mind that night, but it’s not uncommon for you to overthink. To showering, to dinner, to slipping into the comforting warmth of your covers, you heard those stupid words whispered into your perked up ears over and over again.       Until, an idea that you’d normally jeer at occurs through the foggy mess that was your brain that night.      If you weren’t desirable to men, you’d test it out in the office, to see if it really was true. That would be telling enough to Gojo you’re easygoing and sexually appealing, you’d prove yourself to him- that you did have the good traits of a woman, even as a boring secretary.     And through the tears, you slept as soundly as you could that night, under many balled up tissues, waiting faithfully for the next day.

yo you made it to the end!  good on you, here’s part three!  broken routines

[roo-bastmoon]

Older army/jikooker here 👋 I really like reading your blog even though I don’t always agree & wanted to say that I kinda get the insecurity you and other Jikookers tend to feel lately. It was the same for me at the beginning. I started getting into BTS 2+ years ago and very quickly noticed jikook and for a few months I was quite confused about them and their relationship. I think with time and hours of BTS content, especially when you follow things day by day as new stuff drop, then you get more secure in your own thoughts about them. At least that’s what happened for me! I feel like at the beginning there is this feeling of urgency, like you’re so intrigued and you kinda WANT to know. But we’ll probably not know "the truth" about them anytime soon. In the far future, I guess so but not now. And you have to make peace with that. It was a bit annoying forme because to be honest I’m an hopeless romantic who love beautiful love stories, and it would be so beautiful imo if they are together indeed! Like when we got confirmation about Tom and Zendaya, it might be dumb for some people but it made me so happy! But I came to realize that it’s almost impossible to be 100% sure about them. It’s like that, because of many circumstances + the state of their country regarding lgbt, which is a shame, but it is what it is for now. Also, as you said it earlier yourself, there was less content this year and even since around September 2021. So if you became a fan within those last months, I kinda get the confusion. Memories and Run BTS are coming though so we’ll see how it goes. This is only my opinion and I have no certainty ofc but to me Jikook have been dating for many years and are really secure in their relationship rn. They matured a lot both, as individuals, especially during these last two years. I feel like the "distance" between them (I don’t think they’re distant but less obvious I guess?) is the result of this + their relationship reaching a new step (you’re less all over eo after a few years of relationship let’s be honest, it’s pretty normal though I think they still look at eo with so so much love I’m a bit jealous lol) + maybe a conscious decision from them to be a bit more discreet. Maybe I’m completely wrong. It’s important to keep a sane mind and don’t interpret every single thing as either a proof of them dating or a proof of them having broken up or else. And also accept the fact that some pieces of the puzzle might not fit because we don’t see the bigger picture. I say this because around here I see many Jikookers trying to make sense of absolutely everything and every detail even when sometimes it just doesn’t. Last example was Jk dodging the question about Jimin’s 7 tattoo. Yes, it was weird! I really didn’t get people trying to pass that as people making a fuss about it because to me it is one of those moments that make me go "huh? that’s weird". With time I just accepted that we can’t have an answer for everything, if one piece doesn’t fit then we shouldn’t force it, we probably missing another piece to make the whole thing fit. Right now if I had to put it on a scale my feeling about them being a couple is at 95% let’s say, we need to let some place for doubt. Anyway, this is really long sorry for the rant! I really like your blog precisely because it is dogmatic and you don’t just ditch people who have doubts (when it is in good faith!). Have a nice day!

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

Nothing to add, just my sincere thanks for this perspective.

<3

Yours,

Roo

[dershloop]

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

“Jeez Zane your hands are cold,” Jay said, taking his boyfriend's palm and spreading his fingers out, stroking his index finger down each of his fingers,”You can put it in my pocket if you want. My hands are pretty warm too so we can hold hands in my pocket.”

‘’Jay, you do realise I’m the elemental master of ice, right? I can create ice out of my hands, it stands to reason I’d be cold. I’m also a nindroid,” Zane said, raising his eyebrows with a small laugh.

“Well yeah, but it can’t be nice being so cold all the time,” Jay puffed out his cheeks indignantly, absentmindedly letting his hand run over Zane’s rough skin. It felt so human, so individually scarred. Every lump, blemish and line told a story. A story better than any human could wish to tell with their entire lives.

Zane just shrugged and smiled, watching and Jay traced a smile out on his palm.

“Either way, as long as you’re happy.”

“JJ, I’m perfectly happy whenever I’m around you. I couldn’t ask for anything more,” Zane said, wrapping his fingers around Jay’s with a smile. Jay frowned and rested his head on his shoulder, feeling the comforting chill run through him. There was something so… wonderfully juxtaposed about the feeling he got when he touched Zane. The ice shot through his veins like ivy lacing its poison into his blood, but he didn't mind. He didn't mind that whenever he moved away, the skin near Zanes own would turn an icy blue-purple or a rigid pale. He really didn't mind.

Yet… he did. The thought that Zane was constantly cold like this; he could feel human emotions, so why wouldn’t he be able to feel temperature? Dr. Julien was very intelligent, so he wouldn’t put it past him. On top of that, when they were trying to get the scroll of airjitzu, Zane wore a fluffy coat so he must feel the cold. That’s when it hit him. Jay stood up abruptly, causing Zane to jump a little.

“I have to go do some last-minute Christmas shopping. I think I forgot to get something for my moms… cat,” He said, walking towards the door and opening it.

“Jay your mom doesn’t have a cat? Your parents have no pets what are you-” He was cut off by the door slamming shut, leaving him all alone in his room. His shoulders sagged as he let out a long, sad sign, looking down at where Jay had just traced a smiley face on his pal. Had he said something wrong? It wasn’t like him to lie, mainly because he was so inexplicably bad at it but that was just weird.

“Ok I’ll see you later then,’’ He said quietly to himself, getting up and straightening his bedsheets and walking out of his room.

Squatting down on the couch, watching as Cole continuously died to the same enemy.

“Cole, are you even trying?” Kai laughed, poking Cole with his foot.

“Yes, actually Kai now shut up and let me concentrate,” Cole said sternly, pushing his boyfriend's foot away from him.

“Aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes in these sorts of video games Cole?” Zane chuckled as Cole died to the same enemy yet again.

“Hey, you just got here don’t take his side!”

“Speaking of,” Kai said, turning to face Zane, leaning back on Cole, causing him to fall down an easily jumpable gap, “What are you doing? I thought you and Jay were hanging in your room.” Zane sighed.

“We were. Then he got all weird and just jumped up and ran out saying he had to get a present for his mom's cat or something,” He shook his head, letting out a long breath.

“His mom doesn’t have a cat? They live in a junkyard in the middle of the desert there's no way a sane rescue place would give them a cat,” Cole said confused, finally putting down his controller.

‘’Did you say anything before that could have triggered whatever that was?” Kai asked. Zane shook his head, pulling his legs underneath himself and crossing them on the couch.

“It was just normal topics of conversation, then he started talking about how cold I was. Then he went all quiet for a couple of minutes, like he was lost in thought and just jumped up and ran out.”

“Eh,” Cole shrugged nonchalantly, picking up a can of soda off of the floor and opening it, taking a long swig and putting it back down onto the floor, “Knowing him he probably forgot something. Don’t worry too much Z, it’s probably nothing.”

“Yeah. Anyway, he isn’t here so it's not like we can ask him. Just chill with us and watch Cole die to the same mob 100 more times,” Kai said with a grin which was quickly snuffed out as Cole smacked him on the back of his head with a cushion. Zane laughed, unfolding his legs and laying them across his friends and leant back, watching the chaos that ensued.

(I can’t be bothered to write a middle thing for this so it's Christmas day now bc I said so)

“Zane! Wake up!” Jay yelled, shaking his sleeping boyfriend. He opened his eyes slowly taking in his surroundings, including the overly excited boy sitting on top of him.

“Good morning JJ,” Zane muttered, rubbing his eyes to clean his optical receptors of any dust that may have accumulated overnight.

“Guess what day it is?” He continued yelling.

“Friday?” Zane said with a mischievous grin.

“Christmas!” Jay yelled, finally flopping down on top of him, tired of yelling.

“Merry Christmas JJ.”

“Merry Christmas snowball.”

“Can I get out of bed now? The sooner I’m up the sooner you can see what I bought you,” Zane said with a smile, knowing exactly how to get him even more excited Jay jumped off with a smile and raced back to his own room, presumably to begin getting dressed and ready for the long day ahead. Zane began to do the same, swapping out the baggy shirt and sweatpants for a comfortable blue turtleneck and black jeans, before heading to brush his teeth and heading to the living room, where Cole and Jay were already assembled, sprawled out and excitedly chattering about the day ahead.

“No Kai?” Zane said, moving Jay’s head and sitting down, letting it fall back down into his lap.

“Nope,” Cole said, staring, fixated on his phone, “He’s doing his hair apparently,” He paused, before leaning back across the arm of the sofa and yelling to his boyfriend “Kai you’re gorgeous as it is come down before I come up there and drag you down!”

“Alright, Mr Mardy I’m coming!” Shouted Kai, not too long after appearing in the room and shifting Cole out of the way so he could sit down.

“What about Lloyd, Nya and Pix?” Kai said after sitting down.

“Lloyd’s with his mom and Wu, Nya and Pixal are at Cyrus Borg’s then said they were gonna go to your parent's place,” Jay replied, not looking away from Zane’s hand he was fiddling with.

“Well then. Who’s first?” Cole said, looking at the others.

“Me!” Jay jumped up and dived towards the pile of presents under the tree, grabbed 6 and handed 2 to each of them, “I hope you like them.”

Cole ripped into the packages and pulled out a rhino plushie with large round eyes and a small smile and a grey and green donkey plush with polka-dotted legs.

“Jay, buddy, I’d kiss you if Kai and Zane wouldn’t kick my ass for it,” Cole said, wrapping his arms around his new children with a large, goofy grin. They laughed as Kai wrapped his arm around Cole’s waist a little tighter.

Kai was next to finish unwrapping his gifts after he finally loosened his grip on Cole, pulling out a small, shiny, red pocket mirror with his name written on it in an explosive font. The second gift to fall out was a red bandana.

“You’d said about wanting to start wearing more headbands like the one Cole wears sometimes so I figured to help you both out I’d get you your own,” Jay said with a smile as Kai wrapped the red bandana under his bangs.

“Jay that’s so sweet what the heck?” Kai said, looking at his new bandana in his new mirror. Jay just shrugged, his cheeks turning a slight red tint.

“Zane’s turn!” Cole said, pushing himself up slightly, stretching his legs back over Jay and Zane’s.

Sheepishly, Zane began opening the first gift, revealing a large, fluffy penguin plush toy.

“Oh my gosh,” Zane said, holding it up and letting his hands run over the soft, his eyes wide with unfathomable joy, “This is adorable, thank you so much JJ,” He said quietly, planting a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead.

“Stop being gay and open the other one!” Cole complained, shoving his foot in Jay’s face and prodding at his nose and cheeks.

“Go away Cole no one likes you,” Jay said, pushing his foot away, glaring at his best friend.

Zane laughed and began to unwrap the second gift, opening his mouth in awe and surprise when he saw what it was.

“Why are there 13 hand warmers and 7 hot water bottles on my lap right now?” Zane said with a confused grin, looking down at the strange pile of items in his lap.

“Well,” Jay said, pushing himself up slightly, “Yesterday when we were talking about how cold you were, you didn’t say you couldn’t feel it. Plus, you wore a jacket when we went to get the scroll of airjitzu that one time and you feel human emotions so why wouldn’t you be able to. So I bought you hot water bottles and hand warmers to help warm you up.” He finished, looking expectantly up at Zane who sat there in shocked silence.

“So you weren’t getting a present for your mom's cat?” He said quietly.

“No my mom doesn't have a cat. I’m just god awful at lying.”

“Yes, I know she doesn’t. I just- I thought I’d said something wrong so you were mad at me,” Zane laughed, nervously touching the back of his neck.

“Do… Do you like it?”

“Of course I do blue-belle!” Zane said, pulling Jay up onto his lap and pushing a strong, affectionate kiss onto his lips before pulling him into a tight hug, which Jay happily reciprocated.

“If you don’t react like that to my present,” Kai whispered to Cole, “I’m taking them back and dumping you.”

[struwwelzeter]

Stripped Making Of (not so) Liveblog, actually more of an aimless ramble

Ah the stripped video. One of my absolute favorites.The one I could say so much about and at the same time am so exhausted by even thinking about it ...

But basically this is why I don’t trust Philipp Stölzl. Because I honestly don’t buy that he couldn’t explain to them how controversial Leni Riefenstahl Material would be. I do buy that they were fairly unfamiliar, lots of people were and still are, and especially with their background, I think they genuinely might have not understood. But him? I mean in order to even think of that material he had to have known. And like, that means he is either way too comfortable with her proximity to the NSDAP, or he genuinely kind of just assumed that they knew what they were letting themselves in for. And that’s assuming a pretty arrogant position to be honest. I know he initially wanted to refilm all that but I genuinly don’t think that if he had explained to them more in-depth what this means that they would have still used it. Not with them always being so upset at being seen as right wing. @msgwendolenfairfax recently said something like that he’s jerking off to his own intellectualism, and ever since I do believe it’s mostly that, that he just assumed this “it’s an aesthetic choice, not a political one” position which I am very much on board with in principle, but in practice was letting the band walk into open fire imo. I mean I looked, and he has a clean reputation otherwise, so I do believe it must have been that. Which - giving him the benefit of a doubt - could have just been because he comes from a very intellectual (theatrical) background, that’s what he does nowadays, so it could have been genuine mistake, —- kind of expecting more from the audience than it could deliver, but really? A mistake that big? Why, Philip? It’s entirely possible that I read wayyyyy way too much into it, but like, I have seen people fired for a lot less in this country and I am just so suspicious.

All that being said, that video IS brilliant aesthetically, and anyone who wants to dispute Riefenstahls accomplishments because of it’s evil purposes completely misses the point to be honest. Some of these shots are filmed in a way that would be rare and astonishing even today. My grandmother was only a couple of years younger than her and one of the two first female students at the Munich School for Photography, and she was accused weekly of being too stupid for a camera. That’s the time we are talking about. She might have been a dirty opportunitist, but how much can you really blame her. Can you imagine saying no to these opportunities as a woman, with a camera, during that time? Honestly? People give Albert Speer more slack than her and it’s. Suspicious, let’s leave it at that.

Back to the actual making of, I should update on how my Depeche Mode exploration is going perhaps. I love those “works for everyone” acts, I mean how many of these are there even? What is comparable from later on? Gorillaz? Wu Tang Clan? Billie Eilish?

Richard being a smiling fan boy makes me squeal internally. I am making horcruxing a verb, because him hiding liking pop music is basically me hiding my Eminem records and my classical CDs from my punk friends and I start to be convinced he just flung a bit of his soul around he accidentally splintered off during the chaos of reunification and I had to catch it like the idiot I am.

God, them trying so hard to do it justice makes my heart so full. Schneider is so genuine, and look at Richard smiling, he’s so into that challenge I ... moving on, ok.

I think the stripped ... down to the bone might have been so hard for Till because it covers quite a big range from beginning to end of the line, and he doesn’t normally do that. Like it would be a fluid change from where his voice needs to sit in the beginning to where it sits in the end of it? Because in principle he should be able to hit it I think ...

Yeah see, they didn’t think about the consequences. But they should have and I genuinly do not understand why noone stepped in and made them.

I love how unwilling to compromise Paul is here. I mean I 100% agree with him, and to be honest I don’t think they should have decided against using it, it’s just that they seemed to have been so unaware of what they are using that makes me pause.

See I actully like how Stölzl explains this here. If you take those images on their own and recontextualize it, there is nothing wrong about it whatsover. And doing just that is an art historical constant. It’s just difficult because most people aren’t art historians and can’t sort their instincts away from objectivity. It’s a weird mix of simultaneously knowing too much and too little that makes cases like this so difficult.

See that’s the thing, yes there were (and are) alot of debates about the “who are we and how are we gonna deal with this legacy” thing, but just blindly starting that experiment slightly puts the answer before the question, or? And again, if this would have been a conscious decision of everyone involved I am all for it and I agree, but it just seriously seemed like that wasn’t the case? Or alternatively if he just stumbled over rolls of film and used it, that would’ve been fine too.

The aesthetic commonalities of Nazi Germany and the Warsaw Pact countries could send me into a whole other tangent but I’m gonna shut up about it other than “YES”, because I’m not actually knowledgeable enough about it.

God, I feel so sad for them for that fallout. :(

Yeah, Richard’s right. It is a pity that knowing that fallout going in, you wouldn’t make that video. So maybe it is a good thing in a way that it happened that way, because it is an aesthetic masterpiece, that otherwise would not exist. The ideal state would be when we could make a video like that, fully knowing what it means, and still being able to do it because the majority of people would understand how semiotics work, but I mean utopia isn’t real so.

God honestly ... that conflict of aesthetics and their emotional impact vs their history can fill dissertations (and already does), and it’s truly one of those things our society needs to learn to give people the individual freedom to draw those lines in the sand for themselves. It honestly goes both ways, people say “it’s not like the nazis” because it doesn’t wear neat uniforms but dirty shirts and red caps, and they say it causes school shootings even tho school shootings are caused by bullying and the music we listen to has probably helped more bully victim survive and stay sane than anything, and it’s all part of a huge “I think I understand something based on what it looks like and use that as a quick escape from actually making the effort to understand what it is” delusion.

Yeah see, Stölzl referencing the darkness and crossing of limits - he KNEW what he was doing. He completely derails his own argument, first he says those images are only negative if you know what they came from like it’s two completely seperate things and then he goes “yeah the darkness was needed” ... the darkness you only know if you know where it comes from ... ? What’s it gonna be Philip? I mean I can follow both arguments but like, using both simultaneously seems a bit ... hmm.

Aww Schneider and Paul being proud boys, look at them. It’s funny how Paul “I want to fling shit in everybody’s face” Landers actually gets quite flustered when people he likes love his stuff, no? He reacts the most impressed with the Lost Highway thing aswell, it’s really quite endearing.

I think I rambled on without conclusion even worse than usual but in fairness it’s a very complex issue. TL;DR: I wish they would have made that video knowing what they let themselves in for, because I do think it would have made the fallout easier to bear and I wish that hadn’t happened to them. Does that make sense? At some point very far into the future I will want to write an actual essay about this but we can jot this down as initial brainstorm before you jump on me with arguments I missed, ok! (Seriously tho, please discuss this with me I need arguments that aren’t my own to sharpen my opinion)

https://youtu.be/mImuguOghRM

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Egg Meeting 3/14/2021

Alastor visits Valera on Okkylk to “meet” an egg! An egg which hasn’t been laid yet, but like, it buzzes in magic static that Radio Demons can detect, so it’s still an interesting thing to meet if you’re an Alastor.

Alastor and Valera spend way too much time talking about the weird magical interdimensional tricks that Valera’s species can do because at one point Valera went “Alastor mentioned some of his occult experiences and I have decided I will be polite and NOT ask him about them” while Alastor went “Valera mentioned some of their occult experiences and they’re absolutely fascinating so I’m going to crack open my little grimoire and ASK A HUNDRED QUESTIONS and TAKE LOTS OF NOTES.”

He also somehow finagles himself into maybe being a fake-uncle, making the short list for a hypothetical godparent position, and definitely being the official Nightmare PTA Representative at any future school functions.

They also ended up following up on this conversation and it was awful and nobody enjoyed it.

(Starts as semi-OOC chatter and then segues into fully IC)

Alastor

SHOW HIM HIS FUTURE FAUX-NIBLING

Valera

He can meet Eelizzy the spectacular staticy egg

dazzler of, as of now, 100% of the people who've met this literal fetus in an egg in someone's goddamn stomach

Alastor

It’s definitely a lot louder than he generally expects eggs to be. Not, like, *audibly* loud. But still loud.

Valera

it is the sensation of like. those old tvs. the kind of fuzzy when you run your hands in the air right over the glass

Alastor

That’s a good stim

Valera

It's a GOOD STIM and now Val has just accepted that people are going to want to skim their hands over her stomach every time Egg goes brrrr

Alastor

He only does it for a couple of seconds before he’s like what the *fuck* am I doing that is somebody’s belly and stops himself and apologizes, how very rude of him

(But once the egg is laid all bets are off)

Valera

That egg is gonna get so much touching.

Alastor

Everyone with their hands over this egg like it’s the dead of winter and the egg is the only fireplace for miles

Valera

If eelizzy didn't want that she should have thought about it before she decided to be a stim

Egg buzzes rhythmically to music, and the lil beanie baby of A Child inside will kinda wiggle to the beat, which right now Val feels as a vague shifting of weight.

This thing has been exposed to music since it was conceived, it's too late for her

Alastor

Alastor will absolutely play some music for this egg to hear it buzz along

He’s like “You know my mother told me that when she was carrying me, a ghost would come to her and sing for me! She stopped hearing him when I was born. I don’t think I buzzed, though.” And then goes back to playing music like this is a totally normal fact to share out of the blue.

Valera

That's a very normal and not at all weird thing to tell someone. Yep. Fun little factoid to share with a friend.

Val just has to accept this as a new thing they know!!! "Well, hopefully I won't stop hearing you when Elizzy is born! I'm not too bad at charades, but it *would* complicate things."

Alastor

“Well, you could hear me just fine before then, so it’s probably fine!

Valera

Alastor sure had a WEIRD LIFE and Val is NOT SURE what to make of the snippets they heard. Humans aren't usually so Aware

Alastor

:) a special boy

Valera

On one hand, they almost want to *congratulate* him, on the other, did he get robbed of a normal childhood??? Should they offer condolences??? Help.

Alastor

:) :)

Valera

It worked out for him at least but at what cost....

Val doesn't actually know anything about his home life growing up! Like did he have a dad in the picture? Match and Leal didn't, but This guy has Surprised Her Before

Alastor

:) :) :)

Does Val ask or just Wonder?

Valera

They're still anxious about Alastor getting the wrong idea from them asking questions so they would Not ask.

They kept scwunching at the rehearsal because Leal was sitting with their main body patting them and singing in french to Soothe Their Dumb Ass

Alastor

So he just shares a weird-ass anecdote and then they marinate in the moment. Delightfully awkward

Valera

YEP

A little quip and then several seconds of dead air while Val goes on a face journey.

valera, wildly overthinking the second she doesn't have someone literally or figuratively holding her hand through a Social Interaction With Someone She Is Unsure Of Boundaries With

alastor: I was a haunted baby.

val: ..................... cool

Alastor

Alastor: and now I’m haunting YOUR baby! Haha isn’t that fun

Valera

Valera: A proud and noble tradition of baby haunting. Can't wait to see who she decides to haunt later in life.

Alastor

Alastor: ......... Do Veci have ghosts when they die?

He doesn’t know how Veci work, just that afterlives are something that happens to other people

Valera

Val: Nope, when we die for good our gods destroy our souls and recycle them. Unless you're an Autocrat, then you're turned into one of their little puppets used to enact their divine will and guide the next Autocrat. She'll have to find a mortal soul to haunt as a spirit.

Veci who die get put into the soul blender to get recycled for fresh soul meat

Alastor

Alastor: Pity. Environmentally friendly, I suppose.

Alastor: We just get thrown in the landfill and once a year a bunch of us get scooped into the trash compactor.

Valera

val: It's efficient! Kinda gross though, being made of the ground meat of souls. At least I get to look forward to a continued existence as some fucked up angel analog when someone makes me bite it someday. Wonder if I'll still recognize my kids?

Pat pat belly.

Alastor

Alastor: Can you ask your puppet predecessor?

Valera

val: I could try! He did have a daughter who's still alive, maybe if I made him manifest around her I'd get a reaction.

Alastor

Alastor: For her sake, I hope he does! Can’t imagine how awful it’d be if he didn’t! Although I don’t know how close you folks are to your ancestors. Even on Earth it varies.

Valera

val: Oh, very close! There are rooms in the Reppetto Compound still left exactly as the old owners left them when they died *hundreds* of years ago. There's never been a reason to clear them out, so we don't. I visit them occasionally, pay my respects. That's just the Veci though, I think the other species are much more practical.

Alastor

Alastor: ... And yet most of your ancestors get... “recycled.” They’re no longer around to visit the rooms left for them. That *is* a pity.

Alastor: Do Veci ever recognize shreds of their loved ones in their reincarnations?

Valera

val: Yes! It isn't unheard of for lovers to find each other again through old fragments, or a son to find that his child tugs at his soul to remind him of a dearly departed mother. Plenty of people recognize parts of me, some more strongly than others. Shreds tend to find their way back to their families. Sons, daughters, if you've experienced a loss you may find some glimmer of that person again in a generation or two.

Alastor

Alastor: Hm. Not quite gone forever, then. That’s good—the alternative is just too depressing, isn’t it!

Valera

val: Indeed! Full on reincarnation has even happened a few times, though the odds are, obviously, *incredibly* slim. We did have one guy though, who got reincarnated *three times in a row*. He's still alive, I've met him. Absolutely off the shits, never met someone less sane.

Alastor

Alastor: Hah! Is madness a prerequisite or side-effect to full blown reincarnation?

Valera

val: A side effect, I imagine! That would probably mean remembering getting your essence shredded and then falling back together. He likes to say he's "all there but the mind". What about you though? Was your culture close to your ancestors?

Alastor

Alastor: One side closer than the other. Some humans reincarnate, I’m given to understand, but where I’m from once you’re ejected from your body you tend not to get a replacement. Some stick around, most move on to one afterlife or another—and at that point you mainly reach them through long-distance calls, spiritually speaking. They’re still *there,* but... not on the same *level* that we are.

Alastor: It’s a trade off, I suppose—no reincarnation means no way to see them in the flesh again, but on the other hand they’re always *themselves*—they never become somebody different.

Valera

val: That.. Is very alien, to me. But I don't dislike the concept. Preserved in time, an individual forever, able to be reached but not touched. I guess, for us, since we live such a long time... We get a lot of time with people. By the time they leave us, they've usually said all they'd ever want to. If they pop up again it's just a nice surprise.

Alastor

Alastor: We seem to only get enough time to figure out what we're doing and pass on a fraction of our tricks to the next generation or two, and then we're gone and our descendants have to bumble around just like we did! Maybe we need ghosts more.

Valera

val: Sounds like you need more haunted babies to me, Alastor.

Alastor

Alastor: Why, are there any others around for me to haunt?

Alastor: anyway, I wouldn't make a very good ancestor, considering my distinct lack of descendants.

Valera

val: Just pick a baby and declare yourself part of their life! Step-Ancestor them before they can blink!

val: In all seriousness, Leal's already conceded the title of uncle to you despite you not even asking for it, I think you can figure something out.

Alastor

Alastor: I— Has he?

Alastor: Well—I was about to get all presumptuous and commandeer it myself, but—er. Good. Thank you. Him.

Valera

Val: He has indeed. As he puts it, you were here first, and you're Penny's best friend so *obviously* the role of honorary uncle should be yours. If sinners did godparents, I'm sure he'd ask you to be hers. Or I assume as much!

Alastor

Alastor: ... oh. Well. I'd hoped, actually...

Awkward shuffle.

Alastor: ... I mean, a child can have more than one uncle.

Valera

val: What had you hoped, Alastor? I won't laugh or anything, I just need you to be clear with me.

Alastor

Alastor: ... to be that.

Valera

val: What, to be an uncle? Or a godparent?

Alastor

Alastor: I'm not picky about the term. Someone close enough to matter. Uncle, probably, I suppose. I don't know what a damned sinner would do as a godparent—but I wouldn't turn it down.

Valera

A thoughtful look.

val: I'd love to have you be an important part of my child's life, Alastor. Though, from what I *understand* of modern human customs, a non-religious godparent usually just means that if the parents die, the godparent steps in to either raise the kid or find them a home that would raise them the way the parents would want. Largely symbolic, but important nonetheless.

Alastor

Alastor: It's hard to be non-religious within a religious afterlife. But—just for the record, if anything happened to you two and you *didn't* have a plan in place, I'd probably be charging in to do that myself anyway. I'm not about to leave that child in the hands of somebody who's going to be halfhearted about it.

Valera

Val: Well there you go! Already ready to do your job, and you haven't even been handed the paperwork or negotiated a salary.

Alastor

Alastor: IS there paperwork?

He's giving a Skeptical Look

Valera

Val: What, you think they'd hand over an orphan child to any guy who showed up claiming to be a family friend? They like seeing some documents saying "if I die this guy is who I want protecting my kids while they're vulnerable".

Alastor

Alastor: ... All right, fair enough! I was just going to kidnap her and flee into the night, but I suppose a paper or two would keep law enforcement off my back.

Valera

Val: I'm flattered that you'd get in trouble with the interdimensional magic fish police for Eelizzy's sake, but let's spare everyone the hassle. I'll talk to Penny, see if he wants to do the godparents thing at all, but I know what name I'd be floating.

Alastor

Alastor: Well—that's fine, then. Thank you. It's an honor to be considered either way.

He's all self-conscious now, look at this awkward man

Valera

Val: Of course! And at the VERY least I want you to be close to her when she hatches. Good old _Uncle Alastor_ to spoil her when Penny and I are busy.

Look what happens when you actually tell Valera what you want. Blurses. Blessings and curses.

Alastor

Look at him he's got heart eyes

Alastor: Fortunately, I'm an expert at spoiling other people's children! Don't you worry, I'll be loading her up with penny candy and letting her get in all the trouble she wants. Maybe even nickel candy if I'm feeling generous.

Valera

Val: How generous! And speaking of candy, that reminds me. I visited New Orleans recently on business and picked up a few treats while I was there. Do you want some roman candy? I know you don't have a sweet tooth, but it seems like something one should offer regardless.

Alastor

Alastor: ... They're still making that? Is it the real deal or did the family sell the franchise to some big candy company?

Valera

Val: I bought it from the same old wagon as always, so I believe it's authentic! Wax paper and all!

Alastor

Alastor: Well... sure, I'll have some. Doubt I have the right teeth for taffy anymore, but...

Valera

Val: You'll muddle through somehow, I'm sure. What flavor does it for you, chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?

She will whip out a few familiar looking wax paper rolled tubes to offer him. Crinkly!

Alastor

Takes a strawberry one!!

Valera

Val: I'll be sure to let you be the first one to take her to buy this _particular_ candy, when she's old enough to actually enjoy taffy.

Alastor

Give him a second, he managed to bite off a bit and now he's doing the whole dog-with-peanut-butter routine

Valera

Oh no, that's funny. She is LOOKING and SNICKERING at this man. Who knew the secret to silencing the radio demon was _chewy food?_

Alastor

Alastor: ... You know I don't remember this stuff being so hazardous.

He was expecting a RUSH OF NOSTALGIA but then he was like oh right I didn't eat this stuff more than like twice when I was alive, I just saw at the cart.

Valera

The wax paper is more nostalgic than the candy, understandable.

Val: Not having good molars does that, I only ate the stuff the one time to experience it. I like the paper though, it's a very unique experience.

Alastor

HOLD ON LET HIM GET THE LAST OF IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH, he thinks he'll attempt to eat the rest later.

Alastor: We'll see when she's old enough to attempt to eat these things, but—I don't see much point in holding off on letting her try taffy just for ME to do the honors. Seems like a very little thing to make a whole trip for.

Valera

Val: Okkylk doesn't really have much in the way of taffy, I doubt it would come up.. and it would be funny to see her suddenly be faced with a chewy candy to struggle against. This is _guaranteed_ entrainment.

Alastor

Alastor: Hah! I like your parenting philosophy. All the same—no need to wait on me to go get the taffy. I'm sure you'll have more opportunities to pick some up than I will.

Valera

Val: Nothing wrong with a little light torment, she gets candy out of it! Builds character! But yes yes, I get the picture. We'll see how it shakes out, play it by ear.

Alastor

Alastor: As long as she's being duly compensated for providing entertainment! :)

Valera

Val: Of course! She's still my _daughter_, if anything actually upset her that would be a whole different story. Penny would be _inconsolable._

She would also be inconsolable but let's ignore the wibbly sad eyes Val gets at the very thought

Alastor

Alastor: I'm sure we'd be taking turns supporting him through the grief. One person alone wouldn't be able to support that weight.

He's got no doubt Valera would be duly distressed but somehow, somehow he feels like Sir Pentious would be more dramatic about it. Just a hunch.

Valera

There is a distinct possibility that one of the parents may be A HAIR more dramatic, and it MIGHT not be the one with a degree in musical theater. Possibly.

Val: It's true, he's pretty heavy. Like a weighted blanket of emotion.

Alastor

HUFF.

Alastor: I’m going to be thinking of that the next time he flops on top of me.

Valera

Val: Good, you can share my curse. Every Pentious is full of emotion, genius, and, honestly, horny.

Alastor

Opens mouth. Shuts it. Opens it. Shrugs and makes noncommittal radio noises.

Alastor: ... Frankly I don’t know what a normal quantity of horny is.

Valera

Val: I did research, but I don't know how sound it is. We're outsiders trying to look in to a very strange world.

Alastor

Vaguely nods, yeah, that’s true

Alastor: ... What’s the research say?

Valera

Val: Once a week seems like normal horny, in a relationship? A heightened few weeks or months of activity at the start before it levels out seems normal too.

Alastor

Alastor: Weekly?? For the same activity? That’s not as bad as I’d thought, but doesn’t that get boring?

Alastor: ... No, okay, I could schedule a weekly dinner date and never get tired of it, I’ve got no room to talk.

Valera

Val: I was going to say! I do all kinds of stuff on a weekly basis without it getting dull. Plus it does wonders for relieving tension, which I can appreciate from a medical standpoint.

Alastor

SKEPTICAL LOOK

Alastor: You find it RELAXING?

Valera

Val: Well sure! It's only nerve wracking if you aren't at ease, and after almost an entire _year,_ Penny and I have figured out what we like. Plus.. Neither of us sweat, there's no cleanup to worry about, and after the fact the brain gets flooded with feel good chemicals.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, right, the feel good chemicals, right.

Valera

Val: Not familiar with them, Alastor?

Alastor

Alastor: ......... We’re passingly acquainted

Alastor struggling to figure out how to answer without Discussing Specific Sex Acts

Valera

The STRUGGLE.

Val: Only passingly, interesting. Well, you get a lot more of them with a partner, suffice to say.

Alastor

He's just 8)

Alastor: I would prefer not to!

Valera

Val: You don't have to! I'm telling you why the allosexuals like it so much. Or why I assume they do.

Sex talk with two aces this can only go well!!

Alastor

It sounded like Valera was speaking from a little more than secondhand experience there for a bit but you know what? Alastor isn’t going to ask for clarification. It’s fine. Doesn’t need to know.

Alastor: ... To be quite frank, I prefer far less to be a co-star and more to be a fluffer. I’m sure that’s going to disappoint him sooner or later, but...

Valera

What? The visibly pregnant fish might have firsthand knowledge about sex? Perish the thought.

Alastor

You never know. Mary made it work.

Valera

Immaculate conception of her husband's child, sell that story to the news!

Val: I'm sure you two discussed that before getting together, no?

Alastor

Alastor: ... *As* we were getting together, yes.

Valera

Val: Well then! He knows what he signed up for, and unless he says it's a problem, it shouldn't be treated like one.

Dismissive little hand wave.

Alastor

Alastor: Yes, yes. I don’t intend to treat it like one. Just... making conversation about the whole ‘get more with a partner’ concept.

A similarly dismissive little gesture.

Valera

Val: Ah! Yes, I see, that was perhaps too blanket a statement. Well, he has his other partner, I assume?

Alastor

Alastor: I assume. He hasn’t talked about their sex life. None of my business, I’m sure.

Valera

Wiggly hand gesture.

Val: Yes and no. You ARE his partner.

Val: I tell Penny what Leal and I get up to.

Alastor

Alastor: But do you tell my alternate about how often you have sex with Sir Pentious?

Valera

Val: If he asks! Which he doesn't, really, but we did talk about the finer points of eating pussy.

Alastor

RAISED EYEBROW.

Alastor: ... I don’t think the man I’ve been dating for under a month owes me the details of a near stranger’s sex life. I’ve only met his other partner a couple of times, what business is it of mine what she gets up to?

Alastor: I wouldn’t mind knowing what HE gets up to, but sex is a group sport.

Valera

Val: It isn't like he owes you her life story in hardback, but a frank discussion isn't going to breach confidentiality.

Val: Dating someone who is dating someone else means you're entitled to know what you're consenting to, Alastor.

Alastor

Alastor: I’ve already consented to be with a man who’s probably sleeping with someone else, I can’t think of anything else they could be getting up to that would possibly affect me.

Alastor: Unless their bedroom activities happen to include calling up all my worst enemies and telling them everything they know about me—but if it did, I doubt he’d admit so if I asked about it, would he?

Valera

Her turn to raise an eyebrow.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I don’t think they ARE, I’m trying to think of the most out-there hypothetical possibility.

Valera

Val: Good, I was about to be worried. But really, if those are the boundaries you're comfortable with, that's fine. But I don't think you'd be out of line to ask for more information. Either you'll learn, or he'll tell you it isn't something he wants to discuss.

Alastor

Alastor: Honestly, it... doesn’t cross my mind.

Man has no object permanence when it comes to sex

Valera

Val: Dare I say it, mood. But really, if that's how you like it, good for you, keep on keeping on.

Alastor

Alastor: I intend to!

Unless Telly doesn’t like it, but they’ll cross that bridge when they reach it.

Valera

Val: Then there's no issue, I hope!

Alastor

Alastor: One hopes! ... How did we get on this?

Valera

Val: I... Think it started when I called Pentious horny? And then you got worried about not being an active enough participant?

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, yes, right! But worried, no. Just a passing thought.

Valera

Val: Well, based on my knowledge, as long as the partner gets off they don't often care about the methods.

Shrug! Don't ask where the knowledge came from.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! If it was that easy, I doubt so many people would be so distressed when the have to make do with their own hands!

Valera

Val: Did you know there's an entire subset of men that intentionally make their hands fall asleep so they can pretend someone else is getting them off?

Alastor

Alastor: You know, it just so happens I did. And I do not understand the appeal. It combines all the worst parts of getting your mouth numbed for a dental procedure with something half-dead and dangerously uncoordinated fumbling with your delicate bits.

Valera

WHEEZE... Oh that caught her off guard, give her a second to collect herself.

Alastor

He’ll wait. Smugly basking in his comedic genius.

Valera

Val: You said it yourself, sex is a group activity for a lot of people. Lonely people want someone else to make them feel good.

Alastor

Alastor: But if that’s all it takes, then why for so many people is a hand inferior to a mouth, and a mouth inferior to a more intimate part? No, I’m sure that there’s more to it than simply a desire for company when cleaning one’s pipes. The methods don’t trump the company, but they do matter.

Valera

Val: I could say more, but then I'd have to start talking about my own _alleged_ experiences.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Is the answer going to be something to the effect of “that particular bit of anatomy feels nicer against one’s equipment than other bits of anatomy?”

Valera

Val: Kind of. I'm sure some people prefer various bits, and they certainly feel _different._ I wouldn't say better though, just on physical contact alone.

Alastor

Alastor: ..."Kind of"?

You know what they say about cats and curiosity

Valera

Val: Yes, kind of. A hand can do things a mouth can't, and vice versa.

Alastor

Alastor: All right! That’s more or less where I thought you were going with that.

Valera

Val: Yes! Though there's a lot to be said for the varying degrees of intimacy.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m sure there is! No doubt there’s something special about the moment you finally get to show your loved one the parts of yourself you previously only shared with your toilet. ... So sorry, I don’t mean to be *dismissive* of the whole thing—I can just never quite get over that association, you know?

Valera

Val: Oh, no, I agree _completely._ Not that I'd tell that to Penny, of course. That would be cruel. But if my husband wants to mutually stimulate nerve endings a few times a week I'm happy to make him happy.

Alastor

SNORT. Mutually stimulate nerve endings.

Alastor: Well, what couples are equally interested in ALL their hobbies?

Valera

Val: None, unless it's two alternates of the same person, I guess!

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, you’d be surprised.

Valera

Val: Oh?? That sounds ominous. You know something I don't?

Alastor

Alastor: I know a lot of my own alternates, primarily!

Valera

Val: Yes, and I suppose even they have varying levels of interest in things?

Alastor

Alastor: Wildly varying! Why, sometimes you can meet yourself and wonder where you have anything in common at all! It’s fascinating, really.

Valera

Val: Goodness, that DOES sound fascinating. I can't imagine.. There's only one me, the idea of a me who isn't like me at all is just bizarre!

Alastor

Alastor: Only one? Or only one that you’ve found so far?

Valera

Val: By virtue of what I am, the only one! Unless something goes VERY Wrong.

Alastor

Alastor: Really! Do elaborate?

Valera

Val: I'm a singularity! There is one me, just in a lot of places!

Alastor

Slow blink.

Alastor: ... Like a god?

Valera

Val: Is... Is that a god thing?

Squint.

Alastor

Alastor: I don’t know many other things that can be in multiple places at once and yet remain an undivided entity with a singular source. Either a god or a radio signal—and signals can get distorted.

Valera

Val: ..... I'd rather be a radio signal than a god, honestly, but. Yeah, I guess? I didn't think it was so uncommon!

Alastor

Alastor: I’ve seen people so rare that even when they go looking, they can only find themselves in one universe—but that’s usually a trick of the universe itself, some little chain of cause-and-effect that only worked out once! Move a dimension to the left and their parents never met, move a dimension to the right and their grandmother died in infancy, and so on. But what *you’re* talking about—one person with a simultaneous singular presence in many realities? That sounds to me like something operating a step higher than your run-of-the-mill monodimensional mortals.

Valera

Val: I could turn on the TV right now and show you what the me in another reality is doing right now, I'm fully aware of myself. Are you saying you _don't_ have that?

_When you are suddenly hit over the head with the fact that you're actually an outlier and not the standard_

Alastor

Alastor: If I want to know what another me is doing, I have to call him up and ask! And sometimes I’ll find out he’s been hearing salacious details about my best friend’s oral skills. I can assure you I wasn’t fully aware of THAT, hah! I’ve heard of people with psychic sensitivities to their alternate selves—a sudden sense of disembodied alarm when something goes wrong elsewhere, emotions without a source, that sort of thing—but that particular sensitivity doesn’t come naturally to me. As far as psychic abilities go, I’d say that one in particular is notably rare.

Valera

Blink.

Val: Oh. Uh. Well. All of my species is like this. _All_ of us are singular individuals.

Alastor

Alastor: ARE you singular individuals? Or do you have alternates just like any other species, but because all of your alternates are... psychically linked, as it were, your thoughts are so inextricably intermingled that the whole lot of you consider yourself one person with one identity?

Valera

Val: At that point, what's the difference?

Alastor

Alastor: It’s the difference between a radio transmitter broadcasting the same song to a dozen different radio receivers, versus a dozen individual radio transceivers that play the same songs because they’re directly broadcasting to each other. Is it one singular thing that’s being witnessed in many places, or is it many separate things that have synchronized and homogenized with each other? In day-to-day life the difference might not matter; but philosophically, spiritually, magically, I think it all makes a great difference!

Valera

Val: Fair enough! But I still believe it's the former. The me you see now is the me that all the information goes back to. We've never cared enough to investigate it in depth.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Do you mean information *doesn’t* go back to the other versions of you?

He’s fascinated, he’s taking mental notes, he’s going all metaphysical occultist on this.

Valera

Val: Of course it does, if I don't intentionally restrict it, which is not something I'd be inclined to do. I'm simply aware of them the way you are aware of your arm.

Alastor

Alastor: So all versions of you get all the information from all versions of you.

Valera

Val: Yes! Unless I'm playing one of my games. Sometimes I'll make myself think I'm a normal mortal for a while. It's fun!

Alastor

Alastor: ......... Let’s unpack that a little.

Valera

Val: Sure! Where do we start?

Alastor

Alastor: Your “games”?

Valera

Val: Yes! A lot of Veci do it as they get older. They'll go to a universe and have one of themselves live a very normal mortal life, unaware of what they actually are.

Val: It's a fascinating perspective.

Alastor

Alastor: So, you cut off one version of yourself from the hive mind. And this version, I take it, then forgets for the duration of the game that they were once a part of a hive mind? Their memories only consist of what they experienced in their own home universe, and anything that they thought or did due to the influence of their other selves, they... what, make up a new false memory to explain away, something like that? And they aren’t receiving information, but they’re still sending out information for the rest of you to receive?

Valera

Val: Yes! Exactly so. A one way broadcast back to home base.

Alastor

Alastor: Huh! What about the people around the game piece who know they ought to be connected to other dimensions—or do you disguise yourself and drop yourself on some alien planet before you start the game?

Valera

Val: The latter! It's no fun if other people know things you don't, they could ruin the game for you. Unless you're going somewhere dangerous, then a lot of people will ask someone to send in an aware variant of themselves to help keep them in the game longer. Istoph does that for me in some places!

Alastor

Alastor: Does your game piece go in cold, wandering around like an amnesiac? Or are they given some sort of... of false set of memories, to blend in with the locals?

Valera

Val: Depends which is more interesting. Usually the latter, unless I can think of a reason that an amnesia story would work better.

Alastor

Alastor: And when does the game end? Death? Discovery? Is there a way for your game piece to "win" or is the game only supposed to be watched?

Valera

Val: It's usually for a set amount of time! A year or two, a decade at most. I don't let them Reproduce or anything, I don't want to go sowing any wild oats. That's how you get overly sensitive humans half the damn time.

A shake of her head.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Yes, that *would* do it.

Valera

Val: ... I don't.. I don't mean to imply _you_ were a result of that or anything. There is more than one way that could happen.

Alastor

Although he doesn't much like the thought that someone somewhere could use that information to dismiss particularly psychic humans as partially inhuman.

Alastor: I should hope I wasn't! I come from a long line of magically gifted people—we don't need the outside help!

Valera

Val: Hah! I know, I could practically smell it on you. If I turned you loose on Okkylk you'd get swarmed.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Swarmed like a dog in heat, or swarmed like a bleeder amidst sharks?

Valera

Val: .... Considering how violent Veci are in the act, uh. Both.

Alastor

A slow, slow nod.

Alastor: ... To steal my traits.

Valera

FACE JOURNEY

Val: I take it he told you about that one, eh? Not his finest moment

Alastor

Alastor: It will be my most carefully-guarded secret. ... But you knew about it already, so.

Valera

Val: To be fair, it's hilarious. I was minding my own business and then the guy I just started dating calls me to accuse me of stealing his traits like some kind of succubus.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I think succubi reproduce with humans because it’s easier, rather than because they want human traits. But don’t quote me on that, I don’t talk to many succubi.

Valera

Val: Neither do I, honestly. Plus, come on. Really? I could have just seduced him, I'm the one that insisted on a relationship.

Alastor

Alastor: Well, how many traits did you *want?* It could take a while!

Valera

Val: Oh yes, of course. If I'm going to get traits I may as well get a full set out of him! However many that is!

Alastor

Alastor: Only one way to find out!

Valera

Val: You're just saying that so you can flex on your alts with all the kids who'd call you uncle.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m willing to share unclehood with as many of my alternates who care to claim it!

Hand over heart, how magnanimous.

Alastor: ... So, are you only pregnant in this universe or all of them?

Valera

Val: Only this one. This is the only body that's gotten plowed by anyone and that's how I'm keeping it.

Snrk.

Alastor

Alastor: Then which universe any given Veci has... copies, facets, whatever—of themself in will vary wildly, depending on whether or not their parents happened to have synchronized date nights across those universes? I suppose it would be *easier* to synchronize up, if every version of you is connected—just like a whole line of dancers doing the can-can together—but what if one body sneezes and an egg doesn’t get filled, does that Veci just have one less version of themself than everyone else? Will Eelizzy have no other selves across the universe?

Valera

val: ..Do you think I'm going to sneeze too hard and shoot this egg across the-- Nevermind. Veci children aren't stable enough to exist in multiple realities, they have to grow up and get more control of their magic before they can manifest across realms.

Alastor

Eyebrows shoot up.

Alastor: No, I was talking about the conception, splash one or two drops the other way and... never mind, that’s the boring part! You’re telling me you start off as one singular entity in a singular universe—and *then* you split off into separate versions of yourself... deliberately?

Valera

Val: Well of course! There's only one Pelagios right now, he won't split off until he's fifteen for his first practice run, and then in earnest in his twenties. Rite of passage and all that!

Alastor

AMAZED BLINK. And then he’s opening a portal and hauling out his grimoire, ‘scuse him, don’t mind him.

Valera

She watches, slow blinking. What, did THAT catch his attention?

Alastor

Alastor: I should have been taking notes all along—I apologize, I do believe you were right, you *are* a lone tower transmitting to many receivers—or at the very least you do start off as one tower! How do you split, does it follow the natural branching of timelines—when two paths of history split over somebody’s decision, you just keep conscious contact with the two versions of you formed at that fork? Or do you create your duplicate self and then assign it to some pre-chosen timeline?

Scribble scribble SCRIBBLE scribble.

Valera

Val: The latter at first, I see a reality that interests me and drop in, and then as it progresses, it becomes the former. As the timeline I chose to investigate develops and changes, I follow the branching paths and observe the varying realities. It is *fascinating* stuff. Though sometimes a branch seems doomed, in which case I'll usually withdraw and send that variant elsewhere instead. Start the whole process over.

Alastor

Alastor: So you can pick and choose which path you follow—but you don’t AUTOMATICALLY form another version of yourself, only when you want to? That means that more versions of you AREN’T forming every single time a timeline you’re in branches, correct? But a single timeline can branch countless times, a hundred times an hour—I’m pulling that number out of my you-know, just as an example—if a timeline branches a hundred times an hour, then that means that in ninety-nine percent of all those timelines, a Veci living in it will suddenly... vanish into thin air? Is that right?

Valera

Val: Close enough, which is *generally* why we try to live very lowkey lives. Making new branches of yourself isn't.. *energy consuming* or anything, but you have to be able to process that amount of information. We don't vanish into thin air, but we'll often arrange a swift withdrawal. A sudden move, a staged home invasion, or, in a pinch, just erase ourselves from people's memories. Though that one is imprecise and often leaves lingering traces. Not ideal.

Alastor

Alastor: I imagine it explains an encounter with the fae or two.

Valera

Val: Probably? That's my theory.

Alastor

Alastor: And how often DO timelines branch around you, would you estimate? Are you abandoning thousands of iterations of the same place a day or... Well, I sort of *imagine* that time branches at ridiculously high rates, but I don’t actually know.

Valera

val: Not as often as you think honestly. Obviously it happens, but most people aren't wildly changing reality with every move. The butterfly effect is not as impactful as people believe it is.

Alastor

Alastor gratefully waves away the nightmarish thought of a million sad snakes wondering where his wife went.

Valera

Thoughtful hum....

Val: *You* probably caused a split, back in the day. There's a reality out there where you're dating the Pentious of your Hell. That was a fairly significant moment with pretty obvious impact on the rest of the population.

Alastor

Alastor: I’d always wondered about that! The whole ‘butterfly’ effect thing—particularly considering how often universes seem to CONVERGE on each other. Those of us who have more conventional alternates—it’s *amazing* how often I can talk to myself and think “why, you and I are so similar—our realities must have split no more than ten minutes ago!” and then I find out my other self has completely different parents and a big sister to boot. If two universes that started out in utterly different places can drift back together—

Oh. He stops talking with a noise like a motor dying.

Valera

Slow nod.

Val: It's not like every breakup causes a split in realities. But a drastic choice that results in explosions? Yeah.

Alastor

From 100 to 0 with one sentence.

Valera

Shoulder pat.

Val: It's weird to think about.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I hope he’s doing better.

Valera

Val: ... You're doing better too, Alastor. Better than you were.

Alastor

Alastor: I didn’t mean my alternate.

Valera

Squint.

Val: Your Pentious.

Alastor

Alastor: The one over there isn’t “my” Pentious. ... Sir Pentious. He’s just an alternate of my Sir Pentious, just like the one I’m seeing is an alternate of my Sir Pentious, and the one you’re married to is an alternate of my Sir Pentious. He just branched off a little more recently, that’s all.

Alastor: “My” Sir Pentious will always be the one that I backstabbed.

Valera

Val: He's fine. And *yours* will be okay too. We both know Sir Pentious is stubborn and unstoppable.

Alastor

Alastor: Stubborn, yes. ... We’re going to fix all that, though. So that this never happened.

Alastor: The original plan was to... to wrench the course of this timeline off its current path and onto the path it *would* have had if that decision had been different. But if you think the timeline *already* split there—then it’s not so much a matter of relocating this timeline as it is—just erasing it entirely, so that the other one is the only one left. Right?

Valera

She grimaces. That's a *lot* of people she'd be killing. Erasing from existence. Whatever.

Alastor

She agreed to it once before.

Valera

Val: Yeah, essentially. Not pleasant to think about, but... Yeah. And it's theoretically possible, but. Again. Fifty fifty shot.

Val: I'm... Surprised you'd still want to do it, though. You've got a boyfriend now. What about him?

Alastor

He squeezes his eyes shut and looks pained a second. That’s the same thought that he had. And that he HAS had about a thousand times.

Alastor: This was never about what I want, it was about him. Putting him back on track. Where he deserves to be.

Valera

Val: .... Not to... Okay, you know what, *yes* to be that person. But you want to help one Pentious by hurting another? If you wanted to spare the man you backstabbed, you shouldn't have started dating Telly. You *know* losing you is going to hurt him, *if* it works.

Alastor

Another pained wince.

Alastor: No, you’re right, I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to, but I did, and I shouldn’t have. And I knew I shouldn’t have, and... well. Here we are. But I can’t just—just change my mind, not when I have my first chance to make this right!

Valera

Val: I know. I understand. I—I wish I didn't but I *do* and I hate it. And I'm still going to try and help you. If you're sure you want to try. Even though this is. *Awful.* And only going to hurt people. Penny. Telly. Gods only know what will happen if we succeed. If we don't.. You'll hurt him anyway. You know this isn't something you should keep secret from him.

Alastor

And we’ve got a triple pained wince combo!

Alastor: How can I *not?* How can I just—just... happily go about my days, having picnics with one version of him and cuddling up to sleep with another, merrily getting ready for my big Broadway debut, dreaming about infernal conquest like I haven’t been able to dream in half a century—when he’s Hell’s laughingstock because of me?! Everything’s finally coming together for me, but the man I loved first and longest is a joke! How can I live out his dreams with an echo of him? What the Hell gives me the right to let a world like that exist?

Valera

Val: I know we've discussed this before, but. Tell me. Why haven't you tried to make amends? You'll never be friends again, obviously, but surely you could take out some overlords, or anonymously provide supplies... Do some networking, find allies to thrust his way without your name ever crossing his mind?

Frown...

Alastor

Alastor: ... I’ve done a bit. Taken out some of his rivals, that sort of thing.

Valera

Val: That's good! If your major grievance is that you've ruined his life, isn't it right to fix the damage you've caused, even if it's hard?

Alastor

Alastor: And then I heard him whining about how somebody else took down his foes before he had a chance to.

Wan smile.

Valera

.... Somehow, she doesn't look surprised. She just rolls her eyes.

Val: Okay, yeah that sounds like Every Pentious I Know.

Alastor

Smiles a little wider for a second

Alastor: Doesn’t it?

Valera

Val: I love my Penny, truly, but he's a _brat_ and so are his alts. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't, Alastor. Literally.  You might as well be damned handing the man an overlord on a platter. Even if he complains, at least he's getting a chance to rebuild.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I—*hm*—but—It isn’t *right.* It shouldn’t be just, just... He’s had half a century wasted. All that should be gone. Not just made up for after the fact, but—GONE. Shouldn’t it? Throwing him favors after the fact is, it’s... it’s...

Gestures vaguely and throws out meaningless sound effects. You know!!!

Valera

A sympathetic nod.

Val: I know. Erasing it seems like the kindest option, but is it? Would that be what _he'd_ want? To simply undo everything? Or would he want to claw his way back to the top and spit in the face of every overlord who tried to keep him down? You know him better than I do, so this is not rhetorical. It's a genuine question.

Alastor

He’s gotta stop and stare into space while he thinks about that.

Alastor: ... If somebody asked the Sir Pentious of today if he’d want the last century of troubles retroactively wiped away... I don’t know. I don’t know if he’d rather *have* the throne or *earn* the throne. He’s never had any shame about using an unfair advantage, the only reason he was able to conquer half the States was because he was filthy rich for no good reason and he’ll tell you so himself, but... he wouldn’t want somebody else to do his conquering *for* him, but I don’t know if that’s what he’d consider somebody changing history for him. But if I asked the Sir Pentious of ‘66 which route he’d like to go on, the one where he’s got a loyal ally and can get on with the business of conquest or the one where he’s betrayed and has to start at square one just for a fun extra challenge, he’d ask me if I’m crazy and say he’d rather have the first route. No question.

Alastor: ... But he already HAS that route, if you’re right. If it split then. If it *did* split then, then I’m not... I’m not giving the one I know a little mind wipe and transplanting him sideways into a better reality. That reality is already there and populated. I’m just... destroying him. Right?

Valera

Val: Correct. Is that mercy? Is that making amends?

Val: Wouldn't it be better to improve his life, rather than erase him entirely?

She almost reaches for Alastor's hand, but thinks better of it. Fiddle with her necklace it is.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Is there a way to see? If that universe already exists? If it doesn’t then we can proceed as planned.

Valera

Val: Oh, yes of course there is. I could try to find it, put myself in it the way I do any other universe. Would you like me to?

Alastor

Alastor: It could settle things.

Valera

Val: True. Do I have permission to peek under the hood of your reality?

Alastor

Alastor: ... What, right now?? You can just do it on the spot?

Valera

Val: I could, but I'm not going to. I'm _heavily_ pregnant and my baby is liable to start spitting static that could mess with my spells. I'll have to wait until she's tuckered out, play something energetic until the little thing wiggles herself senseless.

She pats her belly affectionately, but with a roll of the eyes.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! Right. Of course.

... Plays something energetic.

Valera

The egg, predictably, seems very excited about this sudden turn of events and starts throwing hissing nonsense static fuzz into the air with a sensation not unlike static electricity.

Valera raises an eyebrow at Alastor.

Alastor

:)

Valera

Val: Spoiling her already, are we? She's getting big enough to actually feel her moving, you know.

Alastor

Alastor: It was your idea. :) But really? Through the egg and all?

Valera

Val: Yes! Soft shelled eggs are a lot easier to feel through than hard shells, and she is _wiggling_. It's not obvious like a human baby kicking, but there's definitely weight shifting.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, right—they WERE soft, weren’t they! I was trying to be polite and not look too closely.

Valera

Val: Understandable! Amusingly similar to snake eggs, really. Which means by the time May rolls around I'm going to be strangling any radio demon brave enough to try and get this baby active.

She's grinning, but not in a way that says she's joking.

Alastor

Alastor: You were the one who suggested getting her to wiggle herself senseless, I’m only following your sage advice.

Valera

Val: You're evil. How _dare_ you listen to me. If my daughter wants to learn the trumpet when she's older it's your fault. She's being seduced by _Jazz music_.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m setting her up for a life of vice and villainy, EXACTLY as I’m sure her father would want.

Valera

Val: He'll want her learning the pipe organ and how to cackle maniacally. That classic Romantic ideal of brooding and fits of murderous passion. You'll have her _flashing ankles_ on the dance floor!!

A mock gasp!! Perish the thought!

Alastor

Alastor: All the better to shock and scandalize her enemies, right before eliminating them! If they’re staring at her ankles, they’ll never see her gun.

Valera

Val: Bold, I like it. But you'll have to explain that one to Penny, I can already tell he's going to be one of those dads who fawn over their daughter. Leal too, even if he insists he's not attached.

A VERY dramatic roll of the eyes.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! Then I can do one better—I’ll get *her* to explain it to Sir Pentious.

Valera

Val: Oh that can _only_ go well. I'm holding you to that one, Alastor.

Alastor

A wink.

Alastor: My alternate can fawn over her—I think instead I’ll conspire with her. I just hope she’s a rascal.

Valera

Val: Well I don't know about _Penny_, but I was a rascal without equal in my youth! I knocked over half the shelves in a library and pinned it on another kid. I'm sure she'll give me as many headaches as I gave my caretakers.

Alastor

Alastor: Never you fear, I'll do my best to make sure she lives up to the precedent you've set!

Valera

Val: I appreciate that, Alastor! I'm sure I'll be much too busy doing boring parent stuff. Not sure what, but it'll catch me. Maybe I'll go to a PTA meeting.

Alastor

Alastor: A... what meeting?

The man hasn't been around children in almost nine decades, he'd forgotten such esoteric acronyms. It sounds like a military thing.

Valera

Val: A PTA meeting! A parent teacher... SOMETHING meeting. I don't know what the A is for.

Alastor

Snaps fingers! Now it’s familiar.

Alastor: Assassination.

Alastor: ... Wait.

Valera

Val: I don't think I'm supposed to assassinate the teachers. Although, if they're doing a bad job...

Kombucha girl face journey.

Val: No. No. It's probably association or something stupid like that.

Alastor

SNAPS FINGERS AGAIN.

Alastor: THAT was it! Association! Pity, “Parent Teacher Assassination” sounded far more fun.

Valera

Val: It DOES sound more fun. Now I'm disappointed.

Alastor

Alastor: Sounds like a fantastic parent-child bonding activity, too!

Valera

Val: Take the teacher with the lowest reviews and hunt them for sport? Sounds like something you'd enjoy.

Alastor

He’s got to pause and think about that for a moment.

Alastor: Who’s reviewing them?

Valera

Val: Not sure. The students, I imagine?

Alastor

Alastor: All right, seems fair! I’m for it!

Valera

Val: Good! You'll be handling the PTA meetings then, that's _one_ less thing for me to worry about.

Snrk snrk. She's kidding. Probably.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, CAN I? I’ve always wanted to be a problem at school events! An *adult* problem, I mean. I imagine it’s a somewhat different experience from being a student problem.

Valera

Val: What, you want to get saddled with my kid for an evening to go to a school and scare the hell out of the staff?

Alastor

Alastor: Scare them, annoy the hell out of them, say wildly inaccurate things that they’re forced to agree with because they know I’m there on behalf of the autocrat... any of the above, really!

Valera

Val: Well damn! Alright, I'll make sure you go to at least a couple of them. If I send you and one of your alts we can _really_ get a show.

Alastor

Oh look at him he’s ecstatic. This just opened up a whole new world of pranks.

Valera

Val: I've never seen someone so excited about going to a PTA meeting. But hey, who am I to deny you fresh victims? Congratulations on your upcoming career in school harassment.

Alastor

Alastor: Thank you, I eagerly anticipate it!

Valera

Egg probably wore herself out while they were discussing the finer points of PTA sabotage

Alastor

yeah there IS a secondary timeline where Sir Pent and Al are Hell's most feared power couple. Airships are everywhere. Lucifer is going "oh shit the prisoners are unionizing." Alastor and Sir Pent wear matching outfits. They have a kid, where did they get a kid, did they adopt a baby imp or something??? what the fuck

Valera

Oh my god

Val takes one look at that timeline, looks at that Alastor, looks at this one. Looks back. "Well you're a dad in this one." And does not provide context

Alastor

Alastor just. Sits on the floor.

Valera

Well she can't exactly pat his head so they just have to sit there. Timeline confirmed welcome to die

Alastor

"What's their name?"

Valera

"What, the kid? I didn't think to ask. Does it matter?"

Alastor

"Just wondered." He's gotta lay down.

Valera

Guess she's gotta go try to learn the kids name now if Alastor is gonna be a sad floppy man. Feels bad.

Alastor

He was gonna be a sad floppy man regardless.

Valera

It is in the nature of Alastors to be sad and floppy men

Valera

But only under SPECIFIC circumstances

Alastor

Selectively sad and floppy

Valera

"...... Alternate timeline you's kid is named Codie Grace." Alright that is enough telling Alastor things about the future he doesn't have

Alastor

In one universe The Alastor That Didn't Fuck Up is probably giving Valera this c: look like do you get it. do you. do you get it. And in this universe The Fuckup Alastor is squinting at the ceiling and then suddenly goes "WE NAMED OUR KID *COUP DE GRÂCE*?!"

Valera

VAL GETS IT AND SHE ISN'T SURE IF SHE LOVES IT OR HATES IT

But it is VERY like them, the bastards

Alastor

Alastor just covers his face and laughs. It is the laugh of a broken man. Yeah. Yeah that's what he would name a kid, dammit. It's true.

Valera

Poor Fuckup Alastor

Alastor

"... Are they successful, over there? Are they happy?"

Valera

"They wear matching outfits and have airships all over the place so yes and yes."

She's gonna need a broom to pet this man with. There there.

Alastor

Alastor

It's just a high pitched static whine noise. *Matching outfits...*

That's BASICALLY the exact same thing as marriage. You're married when you wear the same outfits.

Valera

What is marriage if not an elaborate excuse to wear matching outfits? Just keep doing it, forever.

Pat. Pat. "And now you know. There's a reality out there where you and your local Pentious are basically married with a kid and have airships over like, half of Hell."

Alastor

He's gonna. Lay there for a second. And process that.

And then sit up and cradle his head in his hands and process that some more.

Valera

Would he like.... Well. Not tea but she can get him some water. Maybe a coffee.

Alastor

Coffee would be nice

Valera

She can do coffee. Does he want any cream or sugar?

Alastor

Black as his soul. Like an edgy hottopic goth kid.

Valera

She'll get him some pourover, let him have a good coffee while his brain wheezes and stalls.

Alastor

He eventually gets himself up in a chair with his coffee. Look at that, he's almost human again. "So there's already a place where it all worked out."

Valera

"That seems to be the case, yes." The power of coffee, clearly. If only sitting upright really fixed your problems.

Alastor

A nod, and then he’s silent again a moment as he processes this. “So there’s—I wouldn’t be helping him. I can’t help him like this.”

Valera

"You cannot. You can't just wave away what you did to him. Not without ruining another Pentious' life."

Alastor

“It’s not just ‘waving away’! Don’t forget that doing this would erase me, too! It’s not *running* from the consequences of my actions, it’s *paying* for them!” He’s gotta hop up and pace. “‘Waving away’ what I did is what I’m doing right NOW—getting to—to move on and be happy like it never happened! How is that fair?!”

Valera

"How is it fair? Good question, let me counter with another." She sips the tea she got for herself, watching him pace. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

Alastor

He pauses for half a second, and then continues pacing. “Now, why would I go and do a damn fool thing like that?” He laughs wryly. “I don’t see how it matters.”

Valera

"Because you're in Hell, and why would Hell ever _really_ let you win?"

Alastor

“*Hell* wouldn’t—and that’s why I’m outsourcing the job. I don’t see what that has to do with forgiveness and fairness.”

Valera

"Didn't you think Hell has some measure of control over you, or am I misremembering?"

A stretch, and a hand lays over her belly. Rub rub. "Now. I am loathe to admit I could still try to break your timeline like a bone and forcefully reset it into a shape similar to the one I saw, but. I could. Though THAT is something I've never tried at all, I've got no idea if it would work."

Alastor “‘It’s not my fault, the devil made me do it’?” Alastor shook his head. “It’s my fault. Hell is pulling some strings, sure—it can, say, nudge things around to prey on your worst character flaws—but it doesn’t give you those character flaws.”

He stops pacing again. “What would that involve?”

Valera

She opens her mouth, closes it. Clicks her tongue. "That's what I'm figuring out. It *can* be done. I've never done it. But I said I would help you, so I have to offer it as a possibility. It would probably take something fairly drastic. There was a window between you making your decision and actually betraying Pentious, right?"

Alastor

A slow nod. “Ten or fifteen minutes.”

Valera

"There are... A few options. I don't know how *viable* they actually are, right now. I'll have to do research. But I *think* I could try to remove you *entirely* from the timeline at that point. Most likely through a faked assassination or kidnapping. That would break the timeline off the track that was set, an outlier that was not within reasonable bounds. Then give the timeline a few hours, maybe days as it tries to course correct and *cannot*, and then I... Drop *you* back in. Let you run back to Sir Pentious, alive, if not unharmed. At the very least, I'm sure he'd be too busy being glad you were alive to be angry that whatever scheme he was currently enacting got thrown off."

Alastor

He stops breathing for a moment as he thinks about Sir Pentious having to deal with Alastor so suddenly disappearing.

And he tries not to too deeply analyze his disappointment when Valera says they’d put him back. He starts pacing again. “And that would be—like we discussed before? This version of the timeline disappears completely?”

Valera

"It would be impossible for the timeline to continue as it was, so. Yes. You cannot betray Pentious if you aren't there. Everything would get thrown off the rails entirely. Timelines account for a reasonable margin of circumstances with everything people do. Most people rarely do things outside of their norm, so even small changes rarely mean anything and that's why they don't branch as much as people think."

She taps her stomach, lips pursing. "Again. Remember, I can't guarantee it would work. But it does seem the most *likely* to work out of all the options. The first obstacle would be me taking down the Radio Demon. I don't know if you're aware, Alastor, but I don't actually relish the thought of fighting you to what you'd believe to be your death."

Alastor

He laughs humorlessly. “You won’t need to fight. I can tell you exactly what to say to make me come willingly.”

Valera

Blink. Wait, what? She looks back up at him, eyebrows raising. "What, really?"

Alastor

“You think I don’t know myself well enough to know exactly what would make me shut up and listen? Don’t you have secret things that would immediately catch your attention if a stranger said them to you?” A shrug. “Anyway, I wasn’t exactly hard to persuade at that point! I’d just decided to escape a relationship by destroying everything he owned and running—if a stranger magically appeared in front of me and said ‘come with me, we need to fake your assassination,’ I’d consider it a miracle.”

Valera

Valera raises a finger. "Alastor, I am a stubborn, paranoid bitch of a politician. My own parents could miraculously spring back into existence and promise me anything I wanted and I would probably try to bite them. I can't be blackmailed because any time someone tries, I get my PR team to leak it themselves to control the narrative. I am TRULY the most contrary piece of work to get dragged into existence."

A pause.. Then she grins. "Lucky for us, you're not me. If you think that would work? *Good*. That's one of many obstacles down. A question, though, and possibly a dumb one. Would you even *want* to go back? If I ripped you from the timeline, that is."

Alastor

“Does what I’d want matter? Either you put me back, you exterminate me, or you drop me somewhere outside of Hell and I end up having to go back eventually. A disembodied soul can’t last forever outside of Hell, and I can’t move into a neighboring Hell without stepping on an alternate’s hooves.”

Valera

She rolls her eyes, sighing noisily. "Yes, it matters. Even if we can't figure out something better, I want to *try* and help you get a happier ending. Because right now, it's sounding like you're about to give up Telly to go run into your Pentious' arms. Which I don't think Telly would like much."

Alastor

“No! That’s not what I want! I keep double checking that this will delete the current timeline for a reason! If some different Alastor *just slightly* removed from me ends up with him, dandy, but it had damn well better not be me! I’m not trying to get back with him, I’m trying to get ERASED!”

Well. That’s sure something he said and can’t unsay.

Valera

She freezes, her eyes locked on Alastor's face. So, the truth comes out, does it? But is this the eye of the storm, or a defeated gasp? This may require some care.

A slow inhale. A shift of her weight as she sits more upright, face neutral. "I *see*."

Alastor

Those weren’t quite the words he expected out of himself, either. But he’s nothing if not impossible to shut up, so he swallows hard and soldiers on. “Didn’t I say, the very first time we discussed this, that when you made that other timeline, I didn’t want you to combine my memories with my past self—I wanted you to let me get deleted with the rest of this timeline? *This isn’t for me.* I don’t want to get him back—I want him to win. How isn’t that clear? If I wasn’t worried about what it would do to Sir Pentious’s psyche if his lover is assassinated on his airship the morning after they hooked up, I’d tell you to put a bullet through my head the moment you see me!”

Valera

She nods, chewing her lip thoughtfully as she watches him dig his hole deeper with every word he rattles out. She'd known this, really. He'd said it. But she didn't realize..

Well. Better late than never, one supposes. "And what about Telly, Alastor? What are you going to do about *him?* What of *his* psyche?"

Alastor

His face almost cracks completely, brows drawing and smile half wilting. He slumps down onto a seat again. “I shouldn’t have gotten him involved.” It’s not really an answer.

Valera

"No, you shouldn't have! But you did, and now you have another problem to solve. Because Alastor? I do NOT want to explain to that poor man that I helped his boyfriend erase himself from existence for the sake of the man he betrayed, and had planned on doing so before you two even met. You may not have to deal with the fallout, but *I will.*"

Alastor

He inhales sharply at the thought of it. “Isn’t there a way to... As long as we’re altering timelines, can’t we just... make it so he never met me? It was under three months ago, all it would take...” He can’t even finish. It feels like knives just to think about.

Valera

"I already find the idea of breaking your timeline dubious at best, and now you want me to alter the reality of my friend? An innocent party in all this? You *know* he wouldn't want that, Alastor. I agreed to help you with one very specific problem, it isn't my fault that you decided to dally with another snake and complicate matters when you knew your time was potentially limited to months. I wont help you fix that."

She struggles to her feet, empty mug in hand. "I am going to get a refill on my tea. Do you want more coffee, Alastor?"

Alastor

He glances at his cup. He still hasn’t quite emptied it. He shakes his head.

Valera

A nod. "I will be clear. I am not angry, I am not saying I wont help you. But I cannot fix all of your problems so easily. Your actions have consequences, and erasing yourself wont leave everyone happy and everything tied up with a bow." Her thumbs rub over the smooth finish of her mug, brow furrowing in thought.

"I am sorry, Alastor. If I could guarantee, one hundred percent, that I could erase you from Telly's life, take you back to your timeline, and wipe you out before you ever hurt your Pentious.. I would. I would obliterate your mind on the spot and let whatever version of you sprang forth, happy and in love, carry on with your day like it never happened. And I'd take that to my grave. But I can't make that promise." Okay she'd better actually leave, standing around holding an empty cup to rant at someone is stupid. Give her a bit.

Alastor

He nods vaguely, but although he absorbs what Valera says, most of his focus is on his own thoughts.

Telly. If he leaves, who’s there for Telly? Who’s the one who will bargain, threaten, or assassinate whoever it takes to get Telly the supplies he needs for his ship? When all his machines are broken, who’s going to be the one to fill the gaps with magic until they’re repaired? Who will tell him that he’s beautiful, brilliant, unstoppable, every day until he believes it himself? Who’s going to *feed* him?

Every single day, Alastor sees more of Telly’s real self—the person Alastor met just shy of three months ago is hardly a ghost compared to the person Telly is now. It doesn’t matter how Alastor leaves. If he just vanishes, then everything he’s tried to give Telly will be lost. If they never met, then Alastor never gave him those things at all.

He’s still brooding on these thoughts when Valera gets back.

Valera

Valera lets him have some silence, settling back down with her tea as she observes Alastor's stewing. Good. He's thinking. Maybe he'll think his way *out* of this idiocy.

Alastor

He’s working on it.

His Sir Pentious, though—the one he *betrayed*—nothing is fixed for him if Alastor *doesn’t* follow through. He’s still stuck where he is. So which is worse? Which weighs heavier? Never paying the price and making amends for the sin he committed before, or committing a fresh sin now? If no matter what he does, he’s got to knowingly and deliberately doom one of them to an afterlife of broken hopes and unfulfilled aspirations, which one of them is worse?

“... I made a deal with him.” Instead of trying to repeat it, he just plays it back, his own voice slightly cracklier than usual as if it’s playing back from a phonograph record: “*I swear I will never knowingly and deliberately or callously break your heart; and I swear that if I do ever leave, I’ll leave with kindness and honesty; and I swear I’ll never betray you like I did the Sir Pentious of my universe; or I forfeit my soul and all those I have to you.*”

He looks at Valera. “As far as you can think of—is there no possible way for me to do this without violating all three of those?”

Valera

Valera pauses, rolling the terms over in her mind. "You could tell him you can't be with him anymore because you realized your goals are incompatible. That would be a _kindness._ You would be leaving with honesty. Your goals _are_ incompatible."

Alastor

Nods, he accepts that. There are ways he could be honest without telling too much of the truth. Debatable on the idea that he’d be leaving with kindness, but he’s willing to let that sit for the moment. “The other two, then. I wouldn’t be knowingly and *deliberately* breaking his heart, since breaking it is just a side effect instead of my goal; but it would be knowingly and *callously.*”

Valera

"Is it callous, to try and spare him from further harm by stepping away? Because that's what you'd be doing, I imagine."

She leans back into the cushions of the couch, tapping her chin. "_Knowingly_ breaking his heart is the real issue. You've essentially _trapped_ yourself in the relationship. You can't leave while he has feelings for you, no matter how kind and honest you are, because you'll break his heart doing it."

Alastor

“I was damn careful with my wording to make sure I wouldn’t be trapped.” He shakes his head. “That’s why it has to be both. Knowingly-*and*-deliberately or knowingly-*and*-callously. If I know it will break his heart, but the heartbreak isn’t deliberate or callous, it’s legal.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’m *not* trying to spare him harm by stepping away. I’m trying to... disappear, to undo a prior betrayal; and, in the process, I’d be knowingly adding to the parade of people who have promised him the world and then ripped it away—and—and I’d be doing untold damage to his ability to follow his ambitions.” He clears his throat, his voice is starting to sound a little hoarse. “He wouldn’t be spared harm. Knowing the extent of the damage, I—there’s—there’d be no way to proceed without callousness. Would there.”

Valera

Valera has an argument already half formed, but stops. Cocks her head to one side. Why the FUCK would she try to convince him around to her side. This was basically a get out of jail free card. Her perspective didn't matter here, it was *his* contract.

"Y-yeah. If that's the way you interpret your contract, you're well and truly stuck."

Alastor

His shoulders slump, the tension draining out of them all at once. "So that's that? It's undoable." If he can't think of a way and Valera can't think of a way...

Valera

She lifts a shaky mug to her lips, squeaking out what MIGHT be the affirmative. "Mm-Mm!"

Alastor

“All right. That’s that.”

He expects to feel... maybe relieved. Maybe resigned. Instead, what hits first is an unexpected wave of grief. He tries to disguise it by rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, as though he’s just tired. “So—“ Ahem. “So. You and I shook. If we can’t proceed, then what’s... How do we dissolve that?”

Valera

Valera frowns, fins drooping as she wavers. But no. This is for the best. "Well, how do *you* negate a deal that is no longer viable? All you need to do is say you've released me from the contract, on my end."

Alastor

“You’re released from the contract if I’m released from the contract.” He’s not *unilaterally* releasing somebody else from a contract, that’s just common sense.

Valera

Her eyes are ROLLING. Of course, even now he's being difficult. "Well we shook on it. What does your magic need to terminate the agreement? Blood? Another handshake?"

Alastor

"For you to agree to the same out loud." It's not THAT complicated; but a release from a contract has to be mutual. Otherwise anyone could cancel a contract at any time, and then where would the exploitative dealmakers of the world be?

Valera

"Alright. I release you from our contract under the same terms."

... She doesn't know why she always expects something dramatic to happen, it never does. At least she can lean back and sigh, now.

Alastor

If it helps, Alastor plays a little *ta-daaa* trumpet fanfare.

Valera

It helps, but also makes her primary heart clench. She didn't lie, but she wasn't honest. And it digs into her like a splinter.

A sigh. "Are you okay, Alastor? I know you wanted _very_ badly to help the Pentious of your Hell." That came out more gently than she'd intended, but she's too tired to try and force a casual demeanor right now. Deal with her concern.

Alastor

He's silent for a moment, then sighs and sort of shrugs and shakes his head at the same time. "It just puts me back where I was a few months ago. No great loss."

Valera

"Sure, but you got your hopes up, only for them to be dashed by a contract of your own design." She isn't going to comment on that being incredibly dumb. She isn't. But she's thinking it. Even though it worked out for her.

"I suppose that means you'll have to do things the old fashioned way if you want to make amends."

Alastor

"If the contract wasn't there, I would have had to *decide* which one of them I want to hurt. At least this way the choice is out of my hands. And it means the contract did its job, didn't it?"

He rubs his eyes. "Still. Having the end in sight, and then watching it disappear..."

Valera

Most people would be happy to live another day, but a man craving oblivion? Maybe not so much. She frowns.

"At least you've got Telly. That leaves your local Pentious still suffering. And lest we forget, I entered that contract wanting to help _him_. Still do."

Alastor

And there is nothing he wants more than to go home, curl up in Telly's coils, and not come out for a week. He nods. "I know."

Valera

A low sigh. She could WANT to help, but she couldn't really *do* much. "Well. I suppose there's nothing to be done, at least not now."

Alastor

"I suppose not. Maybe another time." It's hard to even think about an alternative plan right now. How can he even consider a plan that doesn't involve completely erasing all of his mistakes in one fell swoop? What's the *point*?

Valera

"Another time? Yes, absolutely. The politician in me already has five concepts to workshop with my imaginary team. But I am tired, and nauseous, and I want to go hide against either Leal or Penny, whichever lucky man I find first."

Alastor

"Cheers to *that.*" He limply picks up his almost-empty coffee mug. "I think I'll be following your lead." Now that for the first time he HAS someone to hide against.

Valera

She waves her tea at him in what could pass as a pale imitation of a toast, slamming back the rest of her drink like a shot. "At least that's one thing we get out of *love*. Somebody willing to let us use them as *emotional support*."

Alastor

That feels like an attack. Why does that feel like an attack? "Or a warm pillow." He finishes his coffee and stands. "Well, that didn't quite go the way I wanted it to. But thank you for the introduction." He nods toward the egg. "And I suppose I'll see you at work tomorrow?" Remember that part? After all this, they've got JOBS they've gotta go to tomorrow? Harrowing.

Valera

She opens her mouth to remind him that she and Penny are both coldblooded, but then remembers that Leal is a furnace on legs, and just nods instead. "It was... Well. Parts of this visit were fun. I'll see you tomorrow, Alastor. And I'll remember to talk to my beau about your role in Eelizzy's life." Thumbs up.

Alastor

Listen, Alastor's spent the past few decades crying himself to sleep on a pillow with a faux snakeskin pillowcase. Who wants to argue with him if he says he feels warmer when he's wrapped around Telly.

His expression brightens a little bit. "I'd appreciate it."

Valera

She wheezes out a breathy laugh as she stands, smoothing her dress over her stomach. "Hey. I know this was rough, and I wish our talks didn't always end so stressfully, but I do think you'll be a fantastic uncle. With allowances for Penny and Leal, there's nobody I'd trust more to make sure my daughter was cared for if something happened to me. And I mean it."

A flick of a wrist, and a familiar portal opens in the wall, the Hotel's lobby visible through a shimmery haze. It could have gone worse, all things considered.

Alastor

"I doubt we'll need to have any other conversations on this. It's not like we have anything else to discuss on the topic." A crooked smile, but a slightly pained one. "Just let me know when the first PTA meeting is!" And out he goes.

Valera

[[ NOT LIKE SHE CAN DUMP HIM ON TELLY'S SHIP BUT SHE *WISHES*

Alastor

((He's gonna be teleporting himself STRAIGHT to Telly's ship anyway))

[onisiondrama]

PART 7 - video #13

(Click here for mirrors)

what’s up

(Sorry for the offensive language in this one. He’s pretty pissed.) - He wants to discuss the legal case. He filed an anti harassment protection order against two individuals. One of them has been harassing him for the last 8-10 years. This person deleted earlier videos, but Greg’s life is this guys’s obsession. It’s crazy how obsessed he is. Greg is no doubt on this guy’s mind 24/7. It’s creepy and weird. Lately he’s been documenting ever aspect of every interaction he has in Greg’s world. The dude just make $20,000 on attorney’s fees on a case Greg had dismissed. You guys payed some dude to show up to court and hear the case was dismissed. Numbskulls. If you’re a Youtuber and someone tells you to stop talking about them, why would you hire an attorney to go into court and speak for you? Dude couldn’t even speak for himself. He was just sat there smirking like a jackass while he’s losing his hair and gets fatter. Total idiot, punk ass bitch. Greg was overwhelmed be how much of a bitch he was. - Greg was standing there with his bulletproof vest and people wonder why he was wearing that. “Christina Grimmie anyone?” He knows she wasn’t shot in the bulletproof vest area, but life is a danger when you show up to a court room where a bunch of people thinks you prey on children. Where are the children by the way? Who even made this up? Because he was blackmailed into sleeping with an 18 year old, now he’s into kids? He doesn’t understand the leap in logic. - The other person the case was against was someone who used to specialize in going after people who go after children. He’s trying to make it look like Greg would want to go after a child like that. It’s pathetic and one of the dumbest thing he’s ever seen. When he dated Shiloh when she was 17 1/2. They spoke to the police and they cleared him of any inappropriate images on his computer and everything. He was 100% cleared with Shiloh. Another relationship where he’s still married to the person, so that worked out. Another relationship where someone was 19. Another who was 18 1/2. Someone we don’t know about was 26. Someone we don’t talk about was 24. The wife before was 24 when they separated. People obsess over these relationships and try to relate it to children. They don’t want to go after people who go after 12 year old, they go after people who date adults. - Says this is the funniest thing: “Well they’re still mentally a child,” There are 50 year olds who are mentally a child and there are 18 year olds that are mentally 90. That’s a fact. When he was 17 he had the maturity of a 40 year old male. He was a little dark and goth, but very capable.  - At the court case Greg is sitting across from this pasty, greasier than him, looks like he never saw the sun in his life, beta male, pathetic, he’s definitely getting a double chin soon.[Greg is laughing] He’s smirking at the judge and Greg thought he was an idiot because he’s smirking in court like an ass hat. Judges likes to see people taking it seriously. - Greg went to court and asked for it to get dismissed because anti harassment protection orders are more open and close when the person isn’t a public figure. The problem is you have an ex who hates your guts and now he wants to stalk you, that’s illegal. Now he started a tumblr about you so now in court he just has to say he’s protected by the Constitution, freedom of the press and freedom of speech. Your lawyer can argue that they’re a stalker, but that’s stressful. Now you have to argue the constitution. He avoided going in there and arguing the constitution against people who are Youtubers, not journalists. Journalism used to mean you work for someone, now it means you have a blog. - [This section is sarcasm btw.] Chris is still a journalist even though he was released from his contract after someone killed themselves. He’s a journalist because he livestreams, which is what a 13 year old could do. Congratulations. - Being a youtuber isn’t a prideful thing. If you think you’re a big deal because you have a few million subscribers, you’re a joke, Youtube is a joke. Youtubers who take themselves seriously and think they have an impact on the world are jokes. They’re all pathetic because there are real hardworking people out there like soldiers, construction workers, and scholars. Youtubers are morons. - Real journalists go to Iraq or go in a storm and talk about the weather. A journalist isn’t a dude who works with a dude who is perused in court for sexual assault while dating a much younger women while going after people online who date younger women and act like they’re predators. That’s “retard paradox.” - A journalist from Newsweek approached him in the courthouse and it was one of the most bleh experiences he had in his life. “Pathetic” is too much of a dignified word for this person. He walked up to Greg and said, “yo Onision. I really want to hear your side of the story. I’m not anti-o. I really just care about the truth, you know?” Greg ignored him and kept looking at his phone. The guy said, “Ok I get it, I get it. You don’t trust me but you gotta know you can trust me.” Greg wanted him to fuck off. He doesn’t trust a single reporter on this earth because they are looking for headlines, just like Youtubers. Especially Newsweek. The articles they write about him are totally baseless. They don’t care. He sees no credentials. He sees someone who flunked out of high school or didn’t go to any journalism school working for Newsweek. This guy followed Greg into the bathroom even though he knew Greg didn’t want to talk to him. “Just say one word Greg.” His name is JAMES. [He lists his old names.] They’re too stupid to get his name right. “I’m Greg James bitch!” [I have no idea what he’s quoting but he’s been saying that for a while now.] - He gets in the court room and there are emo girls with dyed hair everywhere. Fucking morons. “When did this court room become a clown show?” He mimics them giggling and saying “that’s onision.” He says he should have just brought mace. [He pretends to spray mace onto the people in the court room and laughs.] These chicks are taking pictures and saying look at his snow boots. He says he doesn’t have dress shoes so he wore snow boots. Those are his ass kicking boots. One stomp and you’re done. He came prepared for war. - Hansen’s lawyer comes up and says he was never served so they want it dismissed even though he’s well aware he’s supposed to be here cuz he sent me. Legally, Greg guesses, you have to get served in order to show up, but Chris publicly acknowledged he was supposed to be there. He could fly across the country to have the cops called on him but he can’t fly across the country to show up in court. Pussy, moron, douche bag. Where is the money going? What is he spending it on? His debts? You guys don't realize you're getting played because you paid someone $20,000 for $2,500 in fees, which he says probably wasn’t even that much because the case was open and close. The attorney wasn’t even there for an hour. You have pussy boy who has an attorney speaking for him and Greg speaks for himself. He tells the judge he got legal advise and is taking a different legal avenue. He is literally doing it right now. - Some dumb ass hoes, dumb ass bitches follow him into the elevator. This girl was sitting next to her sugar daddy who had a beard and was a blimp. She’s holding up her camera and she was a midget and she asks him if he’s having a good day. He’s standing there thinking, “all these stupid ass whooohhmmms”. [seems like he was going to say whores but stopped himself] He’s silent because if he says anything it would wind up being te-he-he bullshit. He had sunglasses on so he didn’t have to look at the dumb bitch in the eyes. - 2nd floor happens, elevator opens. No one got out. Bitches are going to follow him all the way to the first floor. They’re there because they want to see the circus, they’re the clowns in the circus. He was surrounded by fucking idiots. They show up because they want him to do what? Like when Hansen showed up at his house he was surprised Greg’s obviously fake videos weren’t real because he’s a boomer. He asks if people could start saying “ok boomer” because this is an actual boomer. He does math and says not exactly, but pretty much. - Court was stupid. He didn’t have a good time. He treated himself to taco bell and treated people to dinner because he saved money by not hiring an attorney. He knows the other guys spent a shit load of money. It’s amazing they could have done it for free. They hired an attorney so they could continue to harass someone. How low life is that? If someone took him to court for harassment he would just stop talking about them. He could move on. - When you file an anti-harassment protection order you can’t talk about that person either so it’s like a mutual contract to F off. He says that last thing was just speculation. He doesn’t know what the actual rules are.  - He thinks it’s creepy and says a lot about a person when they fight an anti-harassment protection order. Why is it so hard to leave people alone? They’re harassers, it fits the definition. Not everyone is sane or reasonable. Just gotta keep going at it. People will keep cashing in on Greg. Greg owns all the channels. They get the revenue, but Greg gets the face time because they always think about him. Their whole job is him. “Fuck you.” He doesn’t know how you could waste the most precious thing you were given, life, on someone you hate. - He tells the emo girls that showed up to court to get a fucking haircut and to dye their hair a normal color.

[newx-menfan]

I'm asking out of sincere curiosity not cause I'm anti-Emma but why do people love Emma Frost so much? I don't hate her I just think she gets away with things other characters can't (ie being rude, mean, catty, to people who didn't do anything to her or acting stuck up) People will call other characters bxtches for doing that but she's 'brave, bold, interesting, complex' for it & I know her backstory is sad but it's nowhere near sad enough to justify some of her actions as a villain

I love Emma for a lot of reasons.

Very rarely do we get morally complex female characters; there really ISN’T many female ‘Walter White’s’ or 'Don Drapper’s’ in fiction… Most female characters tend to fit in the 'Madonna’ or 'Whore’ mode, even in modern writing.

Emma IS a complex character, in the fact that she does moral and immoral things. She started OUT as a villain…but doesn’t have a lot of remorse for that part of her life. She regularly WAS an X-Men…but didn’t always support Xavier. Her relationship with Scott started out as an affair…but she also very much loves him. She deeply cares about her students…but also at times makes horrible decisions that lead to her students deaths/trauma…

Even her sexualizing doesn’t ALWAYS fit in the 'femme fatale’ role; in the fact that she remains sexualized even as a hero (where usually female’s comfort with their sexuality tends to be a marker of a female villain…) and while she HAS fully said she uses it as a weapon… It’s also the fact that Emma is just comfortable with her own sexuality. Emma likes dressing the way she dresses and just doesn’t really care what others think. The same with the BDSM elements of her character; again it tends to be stereotyped as a 'villain thing’ despite TONS of studies that show people who engage in safe, sane, and consensual BDSM are totally normal, healthy, and not any more likely to be violent than anyone else…(also several studies found people in the kink community tend to be less likely to engage in victim shaming behaviors…). Emma kind of breaks that mold a bit by continuing those elements even as a hero.

Let’s be honest-male characters can get away with snarkiness (see Tony Stark, for example). Much like morally dubious heroines, female characters that essentially do the same thing tend to get marked as 'bitchy’, 'rude’, 'vapid’, 'catty’, ect…

There’s a lot of interesting stories you can do with Emma, because she tends to be a more morally grey character.

What I also like about Emma is she tends to be one of the few X-Men to regularly care about the X-teens, and at the very least does TRY to do right by them. For all Emma’s flaws, she did really enjoy being a teacher and her one weakness always is her students (or…at least since they retconned her a bit in the 90’s…). Even in New Mutants, she often was the one to wake Magneto up to the fact that his students were CLEARLY depressed and not doing well (ALTHOUGH Erik WAS a pretty BOMB teacher himself compared to Xavier…).

I also enjoy Emma for regularly being one to call out the problems with Xavier’s philosophies, and honestly I think during extreme times, like IvX; Emma has been 100% right.

I like that Emma is regularly shown to be very intelligent and business savvy-she has essentially built up her own companies without her father OR Shaw’s help.

I actually really enjoy her character in Claremont’s work as well as a villain-just because she’s still a fun character even being evil…and I think her relationship with Shaw was really interesting (personally, I don’t like the retcon around Emma being coerced into the Hellfire Club, because I think it strips her of a lot of her autonomy). While Claremont DID play the sexualized villain angle straight with Emma, I do think even there she is a pretty interesting and multifaceted character…

Emma’s attitude is also really interesting in the fact that she just doesn’t CARE…or at least wants people to believe she doesn’t. Emma isn’t going to suck up to people or sugar coat things. She’s fine being cold and ruthless if it means getting things done, which is an attitude needed to balance out the more optimistic characters.

I also think it’s interesting how much Emma’s origin fluctuates…and frankly doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter what is and isn’t the truth with Emma, because in my opinion; Emma will always manipulate the truth to her needs. Emma has essentially cultivated this image of herself that it doesn’t really matter what’s real because ultimately Emma really only shows people what she wants them to see. The truth is arbitrary because in many ways Emma created her identity.

I also think Scott Summers became a more interesting character because of his relationship with Emma. That’s not to say I disliked Jean and Scott; (the affair DID originally upset me when it happened and I still have warm feelings towards the Scott/Jean relationship) but I do think where Jean always encouraged Scott to come out of his shell; Emma accepted Scott for who he was. I also think where Scott and Jean tended to be 'high school sweethearts/fairytale romance’, Emma and Scotts relationship was a little more of a mature depiction; in the fact that it was a relationship with it’s flaws. While I initially disliked Morrison’s choice with the affair, I have actually grown to really appreciate that plot point because I think there is some truth to the fact that sometimes people just grow apart. Scott and Jean grew into different people than who they originally were in the beginning of their relationship, and that’s okay.Both Emma and Scott had to accept that their partners had other partners before them. Emma was pretty accepting in my opinion that Scott did at one time love Jean, still had positive feelings about that relationship, and still cared very much for Jean. Scott, in turn, was accepting of Emma being a sexual person and being comfortable with herself. Scott never shamed her for her lifestyle or the fact that she did have augmentation, for example. Both had to accept their relationship started with an affair and the hurt they caused other people. Both made sure to communicate and be more open with each other, despite that being difficult at times for both of them. Both tended to be more logical, at times ruthless, and emotional distant people; and could understand each other. I think the relationship brought out a different side of Scott, and I liked seeing his downtime with Emma being them making dry jokes, Scott painting her nails, or convincing her to celebrate her birthday in a way she was comfortable with, ect…* I personally like Scott being represented as a flawed person, instead of the perpetual boy-scout. I think Morrison’s story fits within the canon (just look at how his marriage to Madeline went) and the fact that Scott is an emotionally stunted individual from years of Xavier pushing him to be leader of the X-Men. Scott will always self sabotage his relationships, in my opinion, because he can’t let go of being an X-Men. Scott also repressing his wants and needs in his relationship with Jean also makes sense with Scott’s background and emotional issues, along with the fact that he often put Jean on a pedestal… It does in my opinion make sense that he would turn to Emma, a person who is completely comfortable with herself and who Scott can see more as an equal than someone to always strive for…I think Emma liked Scott because like Emma, Scott went through A rough childhood and has worked to come out stronger for it. Scott is an intelligent and tactful leader, but because he’s not as charismatic or really gets the social side of things…tends to get less noticed for his leadership. I think Emma really was the person to notice him and his strengths. Emma I think also saw Scott as someone who had been somewhat manipulated by Xavier and encouraged him to get past his dependence on Xavier for his identity. We really get to see Scott become his own person BECAUSE of his relationship with Emma. Scott also saw the positives in Emma, which I think Emma really needed. Despite what Emma says, I do think there is some insecurities around her thinking that maybe she is as cold and heartless as others say.

In short, I just think the relationship is really interesting and the motivations with each character well thought out.

Emma’s relationships with characters like Kitty, Jean, Banshee, Magneto, Monet, ect… All tend to be just really interesting and she is a great foil to all these characters because she brings out other sides of those characters…in turn, I think characters like Kitty, Banshee, Hellion, ect; also bring out the multifaceted sides of Emma and just help build onto her character…

And finally…the ButterRum jokes just NEVER GET OLD….

So yeah…here’s a few reasons why I just REALLY LOVE Emma!

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post #8 - So long, friend

Sunday August 4th: Today marks 3 weeks I've been in hospital and day 5 of my 16 day chemotherapy treatment. Before I left to head in here on the 14th of July, I joked with Courtney's dad, John that I'd beat his record for time in hospital (3 consecutive weeks) not thinking it would actually happen. Alas, when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll own that title; one I'd definitely prefer not to have! Here I was thinking I'd be in here for a few days. I suppose in retrospect my breakdown in the middle of Coles 21 days ago was for good reason!

As mentioned earlier, I had my fifth day of chemotherapy today and everything has gone smoother than I thought. I had an incredibly difficult two days on Thursday and Friday (days two and three) with nausea, headaches, incredibly tired and just generally not feeling myself. A lot of this I put down to a couple of bad nights sleep and the chemo finally hitting my body and doing its thing. Saturday and today (days four and five) have fortunately been the total opposite, which is great for me! I've had more energy, less nauseas and just generally felt myself (as well as I can, I suppose!)

I know some of you are wondering what it's like to get chemotherapy...and that's a valid question. Let me preface my answer by reminding everybody that it affects different individuals in different ways. How I react to this chemotherapy plan won't be how anybody else does. I guarantee that! Essentially, it's just like having a fluid drip with a few warning labels on the packet. Some I've felt average during them or a few hours afterwards whereas others I haven't exactly noticed a difference. It's important to keep in mind that chemotherapy isn't the drug itself, it's a word used to cover a wide range of drugs which when used a certain way should assist with treatment of cancer. Much like the word 'car' doesn't distinguish what sort of car one owns - there's a big difference between a '92 Camry and a '19 Jag!

The next two days are 'rest days' for me, which I'm absolutely ecstatic about! Two days without chemo will be a great chance for my body to relax and recover from five days of being pumped with various chemicals.

Day 10 is when things pick up again volume wise and from them until the finish, I'll basically be on a drip 24/7 and constantly have to be monitored - totally different to these first five days.

How have I been going mentally? It's up and down like the hillsides in Tasmania! For the most part, I'm great and remaining as positive as one can be in such circumstances. My support network has been so incredible in coming into see me, calling and checking up on me. I may not have had to use them as much as I thought I would, but it's so reassuring to know so many people are there for me when I do need them. My eye has shown some seriously significant improvements since Friday, which is helping to confirm the fact that maybe this stuff is doing something. This morning I woke up and regained the ability overnight to look up and down with my left eye and I'm just waiting for the morning I wake up and my eyesight is back to normal with both eyes! I'm also just about back to normal with my ability to chew which has opened up the food options for me.

On the other side, I have the daily thought of 'why me? Why does this have to happen to me right now?' Unfortunately, this thought is only human nature and one I have to allow to enter and flow by. Nobody is 100% positive and by allowing this thought to come and go, it strangely makes the situation easier to accept. I'm at a stage where I'm really starting to miss the simple things in life. Little things like sleeping in a completely dark room with no noise, having a shower with a consistent temperature and being able to make up my own food decisions on a daily basis. There's so many other things however it's these three things I'm most looking forward to when I go home!

Last Friday morning was pretty tough for me as well. Adam, my roommate opposite me (not to be confused with Dr. Adam) got the all clear to go home. We'd spent roughly fifteen days together and had developed quite a bond and friendship. Adam had lymphoma, similar to me and was a couple of days ahead of me with his chemo treatment. To have somebody there to talk to, bounce ideas off and ask questions on what to expect is exactly what I needed over the most difficult times I had in here. It made early morning blood tests during breakfast and late nights after both of our families left that whole lot easier. Not having that somebody here anymore has made the past few days a little harder but nothing I won't get through. I know he'll read this to kill time at home so I hope you don't mind me writing this, Adam!

Adam actually sent me a photo a few days after he left with him and his son both smiling and that gave me strength and hope that I'd eventually get out of here and be in the same position! I honestly can't wait for that day! In all seriousness, a big thank you needs to go to this man for keeping me sane in the time we spent together. Whilst a brief fifteen days, we're in this journey together and we will both get through it.

I honestly don't have much planned for the week ahead so I can't guarantee when my next blog post will be. I'm expecting the results of a test that was sent off last Monday sometime this week. This should definitively tell me what type of lymphoma I have. My fingers and toes are crossed it's not Burkitt's as this will change my treatment program for the remaining cycles. I'm not holding my breath these will come through early in the week - I'm more banking on answers before Friday. I'm really looking forward to resting over the next two days before we get into the serious back-half of my 16 day treatment.

That's it from me tonight. I'm off to watch Day four of The Ashes and no doubt will be asleep before midnight! Enjoy your week and cherish moments spent with friends and family. You don't know when they'll be your last.

Much love,

Juzz xx

[otdderamin]

Transcript: Wednesday Club Ep19: Love is Love

Looking for some good Queer content? The best Wednesday Club was Episode 19: Love is Love! with Marc Andreyko. They talked about the Love is Love anthology made in memory of the Pulse shooting and talked about the history of queer representation in comics.

This is also the episode where Taliesin and Amy came out as bi. It was so soft and empathetic and empowering the whole way through that I think it gave them a push of confidence to say it.

Interesting history, they pulled this VOD after this aired and edited out that coming out. I suspect someone felt they got caught up in the moment and weren't actually sure they did want that out there. But word spread anyway and a few weeks later it was quietly restored.

The only depressing thing about this episode is how hopeful they were for the future and how much everything's gone to shit in the two years since it came out.

Official Twitch VOD, Bootlegged YouTube VOD

 If you can handle the sorrow, I really can't recommend "Love is Love" enough. It's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read. A lot of it is heartbreaking, but there are also a lot of uplifting pieces about pride and joy and love, and those were so special.

 This episode is so fascinating because there's are dozens and dozens of little ways Taliesin's subtext was "I'm queer," but it was such a surprise for that subtext to be text at the end. I think it's greatly affected how I read his queer coding in acting.

Reading Taliesin himself in this episode of Wednesday Club is a major reason why I feel somewhat confident in my analysis about the queer subtext he shows in Caduceus (and Percy). He's very deliberate about his subtext, I think the joke is always that it's genuine.

"Well, those are then the Schrodinger's representations which are 'Are they? Aren't they? We're not going to say.' [Stage whisper] But they are."

I think about this quote all the time. What he says sideways is deliberate, and something he personally delights in reading into. This is, after all, him playing out people in the way he would interact, not really for other people. We don't ask straight people to tell us they're straight, they just show it and we all assume it's true. I strongly suspect that's a freedom Taliesin looks for in queer portrayal.

One of the dynamics going on here that's SO INTERESTING is how apparent the age gap is between Marc and Taliesin and Amy. I don't know Amy's age, but I'd guess she's a decade younger. Marc and Taliesin are so much more okay with clunky, subtext, and or tragic representation.

Partly this is just a difference of Taliesin liking sad stories & Amy liking happy ones, but the difference is so much more magnified in this episode. Her standards for what makes good representation are noticeably higher, I'd guess partly because she grew up in a better world.

 One of the books they mentioned is "My Brother's Husband" by Gengoroh Tagame. there are two volumes and it's such an outstandingly soft story. One of the best comics I've ever read. Yaichi and his daughter Kana get a visit from Mike, his brother's husband, after his brother died. It's about Yaichi trying to get over his homophobia and teach Kana to be a better, more accepting person than he was. Kana just accepts Mike straight away and thinks he's amazing.

 Here is a selection of comic picks from the episode (by no means all of them). Here's Amy's crowdsourced queer comics recommendation thread, which is full of excellent reads, some of which they talked about.

 4:45 Marc: "I'm glad [the Pulse shooter] is dead because he did a horrible, unforgivable thing, but part of me wishes someone had been there to give him a hug, you know?"

[I've been thinking about this sentiment and grace for two years.]

 10:54 Marc: "We need to hold our government responsible with the same passion we do when Marvel has Spider-Man's costume wrong in an issue."

 0:16:08 Taliesin: "It is a thing that happens to me occasionally on the internet, and this book brought this back up pretty significantly, and I don't do this all the time 'cause I only have so much emotional energy for a human being, especially, you know, times being what they are. I've only got so much of my brain power before I turn into a quivering mess."

0:16:25 Marc: "I can't wait for the day we can wake up and not be angry."

Taliesin: "I know. I'm so…"

Marc: "I'm so tired of being mad!"

0:16:31 Taliesin: "I take moments every morning, and of course being on the internet you get a lot of- there's hate and trolling that come my way, and a lot of it is nothing I didn't hear in high school, nothing that I'm not use to, you know, I've got a pretty thick skin, and I don't delve into the comments sections of videos or anything like that because I'm, you know, sane. But every now and then some body gets through and I just kind of want to have a moment of, like, I wish- and I want to test the theory that if I just find this person, I grab them for a second, and like, "Dude, are you alright? Like, do you need therapy because I'm in therapy and it's fucking great, and what can I-" I feel like, "When was the last time anyone asked you if you're just okay, if you need something 'cause, like, what the fuck, man?"

…

0:17:18 Taliesin: "I wish I had the energy for all these kids. I mean, like, it's so- and in real life I can do this, and I've had those moments in real life where you see someone losing their shit and you're like, 'Do you just need a fucking drink and someone to listen to you talk about your shit and not tell you that you're being, like-'"

Amy: "Or fewer drinks."

Taliesin: "I mean, like, often times just sit down, and I promise I'm not going to make fun of you, I'm not going to tell you you're being weak, tell me, like, what, man, what hurts?"

 0:17:59 Marc: "I don't think most people are evil. I think that there's a percentage of people that occupy the White House that are pure evil…"

Taliesin: "I've had a couple roommates that I'm not even making a joke that are definitely into that spectrum, but most people are just lonely and sad."

Marc: "Well, most people want to live their life, be happy, and be left alone, and I think for me it all boils down to education is the key because when you have- when you're not educated, you're easily scared and when you're easily scared you look for scape goats. It's what one political party has been making their hay on for a number of years."

 31:27 Marc: "We're all the same. We come up with things as a species to divide us when we're actually 99% the same. And we just let that 1% get in the way of everything."

 36:01 Taliesin: "I started to figure out that this was the beginning of a process. And I was starting to notice, 'This is going to lead to the types of characters I want to see in my fiction. And I started breaking down this formula of there's things that you have to do in the momentum of pop culture to get the kind of characters you want. And this was one of the thing that you have to do. And I broke it down to metaphorical representation with books like the X-Men where there are no—there were almost no gay characters in the X-Men." Marc Andreyko: "Or Peppermint Patty, or Schroder."

Taliesin: "Well, those are then the Schrodinger's representations which are 'Are they? Aren't they? We're not going to say.' [Stage whisper] But they are.

"But we have the metaphorical, we have the Schrodinger, we hate the stereotypes, which are the these are the things people think they know about these people."

Marc: "The gay hairdresser, the black drug dealer…"

Taliesin: "Then you have the buddyism, which is you have the established characters going, 'Some of my best friends.' And then we can just have a character where this is part of the tapestry. Once we've gone through all of this stuff so that everybody has gotten it out of their system, we've kind of sifted the pop culture to the point that now you can just do it."

Marc: "But that's not just limited to LGBT."

Taliesin: "No, that's any."

Marc: You look at female characters, you look at African American characters, and what's interesting about the LGBT experience now is it's taken 100 years for Black characters, it's taken 100 years for women characters, the LGBT representation- In my lifetime- if you told me 20 years ago that the Supreme Court would say that marriage is a right, I would have said, 'No way.'"

Taliesin: "No."

Amy: "No way."

Marc: "If you had told me there was going to be a gay-straight alliance at my high school, where my graduating class was 1000 people, 99% of the them I'd say, 'No.' My high school reached out to me after the book came out to send copies to their library. The learning curve for LGBT- we have gotten the privilege of having a very accelerated learning curve on the backs of other minorities who are still struggling to get ahead."

Taliesin: "We got to live- you actually get to live to see the work pay off. Which is rare in human history.

Marc: "As you say, that's just the way it starts out. It starts with exotic, then it becomes noble savage, then it becomes villain, then it becomes minstrel, then it becomes best friend, then it becomes lead. That's just the evolutionary trail."

 54:32 Taliesin: "Culture is not a rocket ship. We all don't get on the rocket ship to the planet culture and go up to the moon. Culture is like life: it is chaotic, it is violent, it is hungry… It is not normal for everything to just keep getting better all at the same time. It's normal for everything to get better over a period of the long game. In any internal point, chaos—"

Marc: "Well, Love is Love, a tragedy made that book come to life."

Taliesin: "That is the soil in which these things get planted, sadly."

Amy: "But that kid who graduates high school [because the book encouraged them when they thought they couldn't do it], who knows what happens."

 0:55:04 Matt: "We've got Blackmarket Bingo asking, 'What does Pride mean to each of you individually?'"

0:55:11 Marc: "Well, pride to me is a loaded word because, as a writer, I think 'pride,' I think 'hubris,' I think pride can be a detriment. There's pride with a lowercase p and there's Pride with a capital P. I think, for me, Pride in the LGBT sense of the word is lack of shame, is owning who you are, and not apologizing for who you are."

Taliesin: "Personal honesty."

Marc: "And being a good person who's an honest person. If you're an honest person and you live your life by the only direction we need as people: treat people the way you want to be treated. I don't care if you're gay, straight, Black, white, Republican, liberal, conservative, whatever, if you treat people the way you want to be treated that is living Pride because you should be proud of us not yourself; you should be proud of the change you can affect to make the world a better place. And I know that sounds like fortune cookies or Opera, or Yanla (sp?) changed my life or something like that, but it is very true. So, a lot of these clichés are become cliché because they are very true. And I think if you just try and live your life honestly and be nice to people. Hold the door, let someone in in traffic, you know, talk to the old lady in line at the grocery store, you never know what difference that's going to make. You never know how that's going to change the course of someone's life, so why not?"

…

0:56:48 Taliesin: "The notion of, 'We're all in this together.' And I will say Pride for me has always been about… and I got a lot of, well, for various reason I got a lot of crap as a kid, but one of the things I got crap about was this notion from some people, this was the weird one, that I was somehow putting effort into being this kind of person. That this took effort, that I was somehow pushing forward a pretense, and I just kind of had to do the, "No, this is actually…"

Marc: 'Who has the energy?"

Taliesin: "Who has the energy to pretend to be this weird and awkward! This is just me letting go and if every- like-"

Marc: "I'm not Andy Kaufman, this is all real."

Taliesin: "This is not an act! this is just- I mean, occasionally it's curated, which is different, especially this being the internet, but like, just the notion that if we all are- and the honesty that I was talking about, it was not honesty to other people necessarily, but just waking up that morning and being the person you feel like being and then just treating everybody the way- and just finding that communication between real people, not people trying to live up to some notion of who they think they should be."

0:57:50 Marc: "Well, once again I'm going to circle this back to a quote Patty Jenkins said, she talked about how the word cheesy is banned on her sets because she said, 'When did we become afraid of genuine emotion and sincerity.' And I'm guilty of this; we've all become too cool for school; we've all become the kids in Heathers and all that. And that's kind of why we're at where we're at now: We're afraid to cry, we're afraid to let down our walls, and I can't even read the quote because I start bawling, but she talks about we're in a really difficult place as a species right now. We should be embracing sincerity and genuine emotion and that sort of thing. We shouldn't be afraid of it anymore. And I just responded to her, I tweeted back, 'Fuck yes!'

 1:09:28 Marc: "There's something to be said for the hidden and the metaphor, you know?"

Taliesin: "Yes!"

Marc: "It's great that there's so much acceptance for LGBT characters and LGBT people today, but part of me wishes it was still back when I was in my 20s when you would get- you would see someone as a party and be like, [knowing nod] 'Yeah, I know,' and it was just unsaid or your would know that Peppermint Patty and Marcy are going to have a bed and breakfast in Oregon when they're adults."

Taliesin: "Obviously."

Marc: "And all that secret handshake stuff was… It's immeasurably better now and I'm putting this in… I would never want it to change, but there was something that the not knowing, the not having everyone be in on the joke, was nice because it also gave us an ownership of ourselves where it was the club we could control, we were the bouncer at the door of this club, and of course, ironically, homogenization is a good thing and to an extent of everyone being missed up, but there's something to be said about the subtlety of that, and I think a lot of times the subtlety and the metaphors are far more impactful than the direct."

 1:15:41 Taliesin: "You have to be open to new ideas and you have to have faith in your ideas, if you think they're good ideas, that they're not… if they're good enough ideas, the world is not going to break them in half. They don't need to have a fence built around them. If you have good ideas and philosophies about the world, the world's not going to break them, it's going to enforce them.

 1:20:10 Marc: "'Cause I always say that being gay is a huge part of who I am, but it's also an utterly insignificant part of who I am. We're all, once again, we're all have the same day to day struggles."

 1:54:18 Amy: "I don't talk about it much, but I'm the B in LGBT, for the record. Doesn't tend to come up a lot."

Taliesin: "Are we going there?"

Amy: "Well, I am."

Taliesin: "Yeah, I am, too. Fuck it."

 Taliesin looked at her with intense trepidation after she said it. Worried about what that step might mean, but also what it said about him if he did that whole episode about Pride and but was too scared to show it. And then wrote it off with a brief shrug and "Fuck it."

If you enjoy my work, consider supporting me through ko-fi, Patreon, or my shop. I'm severely disabled and it all helps justify my time spent on this project. Learn more about how and why to support me, including links.

[papatonyinsandiego]

Creating Sacred Male Space, Part 3: Welcoming the Stranger

I often run into people who beseech each other for help in figuring out how to approach new people, for the purpose of inviting them to be a part of the community, without appearing to be a predator.

I've been extremely successful in this endeavor. The group in San Diego that I started years ago has almost 1200 followers, and nearly ALL of them have been added ONE AT A TIME. 

I can't stress that enough - Simply printing cards or flyers, or mass-emailing, or posting it online is nothing, compared to the personal approach. We are all fed up with impersonal invitations. We've been burned too many times with spam, viruses, and every other kind of crap coming at us from every direction. These people have raised our threshold for bullshit so high that any sane person would assume that nobody could ever break through the average person's cynicism.

However, all that it takes is a touch.

Let's assume that I'm going to approach you at a bar event that I've created.  I'm HUGE (six foot five, even taller in my big boots, 280 pounds, gray-bearded and hairy, and usually in uniform or leather).  To the average person, I look nine feet tall and six foot wide. Despite all of this, when I come up to strangers to let them know about my group, I have a consistently high success-rate. Out of 100 strangers, approximately 90 of them will gladly give me their email address.  Out of those people, after I have added them to my weekly email list, ONE will unsubscribe. Everybody else sticks around, and likes what they receive from me.

People think that the most important currency is money. In 2011, it's not. It's CREDIBILITY.  No amount of money will buy credibility.  It has to be earned the hard way. I have the confidence to approach strangers and enroll them in a sweet, joyful common dream, because I have kept my word for decades. The average stranger doesn't know that for a fact yet, but they are intrigued enough by my affectionate, respectful and confident demeanor to give me a chance.

So, let's say that I'm at a public event (usually one that I created for this purpose), looking for new people to sign up for FMSD (FetishMenSanDiego.org). I call these events "Honey Traps", which is a term that I am using as a metaphor - They are events that are attractive enough to drag individuals away from their damn computers. The average person sits in front of FaceBook, Fetlife, Recon or some other endless distraction, but has a firm conviction that everybody else is having more fun in the real world than they are. EVERYBODY has that idea in their heads, and doesn't understand how few people are having fun in the non-virtual world. We're all lonely, disconnected and losing our ability to feel like we're part of something real, and bigger than our concerns, insecurities and considerations.

I look around me at these events, looking for someone who is clearly wearing their favorite "suit of armor". They are broadcasting "I'm shy", or "I'm not interested" or "I'm just passing through". Those are the folks that I make a beeline for.  Other people might call them "Attitude Queens".  I don't - I understand that "Attitude with a Capital A" is just shyness. I can handle that, and here's how… This is my standard script for approaching strangers:

I approach the stranger, stand quite close (about two feet away), where they can clearly see me and can't pretend that I'm part of the furniture. I pointedly look them right in the eye, and say "Excuse me, have I spoken with you before?", while wearing a pleasant, (but not excessively pleasant) smile, and slightly upraised eyebrows. My demeanor is clearly communicating polite and courteous interest. They usually have a slightly startled reaction to this, saying "No, I don't think so". I'll then ask "are you a San Diegan?" If they say no, then I tell them a bit about our group, and show them a few pictures from previous events, and then move onward to the next guy.  If they say yes, then I continue with the script.

Remember, many of these events are NOISY - Loud music, chattering people all around.  This gives me cover for moving in closer and making actual, physical contact with them. I touch their solar plexus with the back of my hand, while introducing myself, and asking who they are, and a few other polite questions to break the ice. This is 100% effective in initiating physical contact, because no matter how shy or cynical that person is, they have been programmed their entire lives to shake hands to show that they are nice, well-raised people who don't have any weapons. I'll say "I'm Papa Tony, and I host many of the leathermen's events here in town." I'll release their hand, and whip out my iPhone. I''ll show them group pictures that clearly show happy, satisfied crowds of people who obviously share traits with my guest of the moment. These events are diverse, full of big smiles and don't follow any common rules of the "I'm Hot and You're NOT" philosophy.

I'm now paging through photos for the enjoyment of the person in front of me, and drawing QUITE close - Close enough to rest my hand on his shoulder while I'm flipping through pictures one-handed. That way, I can talk in a normal, comfortable, just-between-nice-guys voice, because I'm so close - My mouth is maybe ten inches away from his ear, and I'm using my Indoor Voice. Closeness COUNTS. In our current culture, we have learned that somebody who stands at a distance from us is not a trustworthy person. Spammers like to hide. Abusers like to hide. Nice people are close by, and have no fear about other nice people in a polite society.

Example: Let's say that you see a stranger shoving his way through a crowd, and when he gets to you, he says "Get the fuck out of my way, ASSHOLE!"  Chances are pretty good that he's going to get a big dose of ASSHOLE in response.  That's not a side of us that we prefer, but our internal, hard-wired  Fight or Flight response demands that we do SOMETHING in a stressful situation.  Now, delete that example, and imagine somebody coming up to you and treating you as a thoroughly respectable, intelligent, pleasant and enjoyable person, right from the very first instant. You're being approached, not for the sake of money, or power, sex, or any other other obvious, predictable reason, but because somebody wants YOU, of all people, to be a part of an actual, visually-appealing, thriving community of nice people, who get together often in public.

By this time, my target of interest (and possible new brother) is intrigued, despite multiple layers of well-earned cynicism. I continue to destroy his defenses: I'll say "We want all ages, all colors, all body-styles and all levels of experience. The only kind of people that we actively and aggressively discriminate against… Is GRUMPY PEOPLE!". This is usually good for a laugh, but they always look at my face and see that I'm being quite authentic in this statement.

I will then set the hook - I'll be showing him the pictures, and I'll say "You would fit right in". And, clearly, he would. Everyone is tired of being judged by externals.  Even the world's prettiest/most-perfect men and women are sick of the social "A-List" game of perfect teeth/hair/muscles/tits/whatever providing us with varying levels of social status. It's an empty philosophy, but we never know when it's time to let go of it and just be happy like a bunch of uninhibited three-year-olds. By looking at the pictures (and grabbing the phone from me and zooming in closer to see everybody better, my new brother is losing his defenses fast.

I'll say "The nicer you are, the more friends you deserve - This is normal human behavior, but it fell apart somehow for gay men. We've fixed that." I tend to get rueful agreement from my new buddy.

I'll go further, and demolish his preconceptions like my life depends on it.  I'll say "Listen to the people around you".  He'll stop, and listen seriously and intently.  I'll say "Everybody sounds really happy, don't they? You can't fake that kind of happy." He'll have to admit that yes, everybody else sounds like they're having a rocking good time.  I'll tell him "You deserve to have just as good a time as anybody here. I'm the host of this event, and you have my word of honor that no one here will ever treat you shabbily.  If anybody DOES, you bring it to ME, and I will take care of it right away.  I take full responsibility for the safety, success and well-being of everybody at this event, and you can count on me. Just go up to people and chat, and they'll all be nice to you. I know most of the folks here, and they aren't meanies, or tweaking, or spiteful."

I'll mention that I have nothing to sell him, and never will. I don't make a penny off of this, and neither does anybody else. In today's society, this is unheard-of… It seems mythological and theoretical. EVERYBODY wants a piece of somebody else, wants to treat us like walking wallets, and they have cunningly learned to hide it until they have tricked you somehow. And yet, here's this big galoot who is saying that he wants your actual, non-virtual and physical presence at a series of upcoming events. Nothing more, as long as you're a pleasant, well-socialized grownup.

Then, I say that I have an email-list that tells people what events are coming up, so that they know about them BEFORE each event, instead of hearing about it after everybody else had a great time. I'll ask "Would you like to be on the mailing-list?" This is Decision Time. I'm being the very epitome of a forthright, pleasant, respectful and clearly idealistic human being, and now, I need them to step up and deliver their half of the social contract. Just listening, or tolerating, or being a disinterested observer isn't enough - They have to make a commitment and be responsible about it. Like I said earlier, it's nearly always a slam-dunk… People can't get on the mailing-list fast enough.

I have created a web-page that is perfectly designed to be used on a Droid or iPhone's web-browser, using a free utility that allows me to sign people up for the mailing-list ON THE SPOT, without delay. I hit a bookmark icon on my phone's main page that brings me directly to that page, tap the field that asks for the email, and hand the phone right over for their data-entry. While doing so, I say "You have my word of honor that you will never receive any spam as a result, and if you don't like the mailing-list, just click on the link at the bottom and you'll be unsubscribed immediately". When they are done, they hand it back to me - I always have a pair of reading-glasses with me, in case somebody needs a pair for accuracy. I insist that they check the address one final time, and then tap the "Submit" button.

Nowadays, my success-rate is so high, I can sign up a total stranger within three minutes, and I will do it over and over and over, all during the event. I do not sit with my Good Buddies, chewing the fat. To me, that is exactly the wrong thing to do. I have a task to perform, and nothing will distract me from it. If I am going to be committed to creating real, honest and solid community, then I have to extend the hand of friendship to every new face that shows up.  The moment that any affinity-group stops welcoming new people IN A CONSCIOUS WAY, then that group is dead. D-E-A-D. Our newest members are our group's future, and if we force them to bounce off of our indifference, then we may as well close up shop. The group will get older, and less relevant, and wither away.

So, what about the folks who DO NOT sign up? What if their cynicism is too awesomely impervious? No problem. "Invitations can be accepted, denied or renegotiated". I never attach my ego to trying to enroll 100% of the people that I approach. It is impossible. I wish them well, I mention our Web site (while pointing to it on our club banner, hanging in obvious display) and step over to the next person. I have seen those same people come to our events over and over, because they wanted to see whether my fancy talk had any actual credibility.

So, one more time, let's talk about Credibility with a Capital C. LEADERS PROVIDE. We keep creating these "Honey Trap" events, and take group pictures periodically.  Why? Because no amount of words can convey the awesomeness of a successful, joyful and satisfying event as well as group pictures can. No amount of money, or trickery, or bossiness or manipulation can make a big, diverse and deliriously happy crowd look like a bunch of Labrador Retrievers with a tennis ball. You want to document your successes, even if they start out small. That's still better than the big, echoing emptiness that is usually the default when somebody is looking for heartfelt community in the real world.

[augustwash1]

10 Universal Android Tips And Tricks That You Should Know

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[thebannedroom]

Been there, done that...

     This is an open letter to those who recently wrote an open letter about their concerns of the growth of Cancel Culture, and this is also an open letter to those who encourage the growth of Cancel Culture.

Quite simply: Fuck all of you.  Most all of you are the problem, not the solution, but the problem, because none of you know the question.  You both may think you have the answers, but you don’t, because none of you comprehend what is actually happening right now.

How the fuck did we get here to begin with?  That would be one of the better questions those signing the open letter should explore.  For those pro Cancel: What happens when you get Cancelled?

We have taken it for granted that the concept of a free exchange of thoughts and ideas has been fundamental to a functional liberal democracy. I may not appreciate what another may say, nor agree with any of their verbiage, nonetheless they have the right to express it preferably in a civil manner.  No group is above criticism whatsoever, no individual whatsoever is above criticism. It is that fucking simple.  I may not like their ideas, but they have a right to express them, if I don’t agree I have the right to express my disagreement.

So, what is really happening right now?

The right to express disagreement is under assault.  Those pro Cancel Culture have become the same mechanism they have spent the best part of the last four years railing against.  And, those who executed the open letter are attempting to stem the proliferation of the consequences of Cancel Culture, and yet to date they have refused to call out the Radical Left (calling out the Radical Right should not preclude anyone calling out the Radical Left).

The thrust of the open letter has left little room for anyone with an alternative opinion to respond comfortably due to the bias as was written by those who executed the letter. It is framed unequivocally as favorable to the Radical Left. The failure will be to ignore the needs of the moderates who are not aligned with either the Radical Right or the Radical Left. A moderate viewpoint transcends the inherent bias of framing this conversation about Cancel Culture as something akin to the Radical Right when no mention is made that there indeed exists a Radical Left. The approach taken in the open letter is not productive, it is a calculated move to preempt the wrath of the Radical Left. And besides that, the fact that purveyors of the very mentality they are alarmed about are also signatories isn’t helpful.

To wit: this is all coming from the mob mentality that has taken root in the Radical Left, there is no denying that, the adherents of the Radical Left are actively and admittedly pursuing the growth and normalization of Cancel Culture.  They’ve turned into the fascist they claim they are railing against, they’re totalitarian, no different than the children encouraged to spy and report to the state any contrary opinion an adult may have in Orwell’s 1984.

The Radical Left has come to the conclusion that the entirety of the political institutions in this Republic need to be torn down, destroyed.

Replaced with what?

If you don’t agree 100% with the Radical Left, you’re cancelled.  If you don’t agree 99.9%, still not good enough.  To the Radical Left, the whole of your life is open to investigation and every moment shared online will be open to investigation.  Everything thing open to investigation, every fucking thing open to investigation.

Who will be the judges?

Who actually fucking endorses this?

Perhaps, I didn’t fully appreciate that we have so many perfect people who’ve never done or said anything that has offended or has been perceived as offensive to someone else throughout the whole of their lives?  We have pioneers among us, living angels, the embodiment of perfection, whose 5 story mansions are made of the clearest glass ever.

What standards to live up to! Super humans, with super moral righteousness, never wrong, never being capable of being wrong.  The future Grand Inquisitors of the social credit world to come.

Two years ago I wrote my concerns about our country turning into a Mobocracy, my concerns have been validated.  I may not be a best selling author, a journalist, or someone with clout like those that signed that open letter.  Both Ricki and I saw this coming down the road, we actually saw it coming well before 2016, why didn’t they see it?  What took them so long?

The Banned Room is a blog that Ricki and I created during the Democratic Primaries in 2016, set up with the intention to give supporters of Bernie Sanders and others of independent thought a place to comment, because at that time any opinion not supportive of Hillary Clinton was grounds for having your account banned on many left leaning sites.  We never made a cent off this blog, we created it with good intentions, uncharted waters, adventurous.

With all that Ricki and I went through with this blog, time is the great equalizer.  We were justified in how we handled our situation.  It gave us a look years ago at the bend of the arc ahead.  Our experiences with The Banned Room though painful at times, nonetheless has made us stronger.

To our benefit we no longer are attached to the madness that is networking and dabbling in political commentary every day.  With time and distance we have a clearer perspective than those who never left the bubble, or jumped out of the fish bowl.

What Mobocracy and Cancel Culture mean to us is best illustrated with an example of both.

Ban an antisemite and advocate of ambushing police officers from your blog, and experience their outrage take the form of doctoring private conversations and flooding that onto the internet, even creating a website dedicated to further the harassment.

Converse with another blogger about the matter, take them at their word when they stated that they would never approve of that behavior on their blog... then watch as they go-ahead and give that behavior a platform on their blog.  Next watch as a virtual mob of trolls who pawn themselves off as being intelligent about politics, but whom have never offered anything new in discourse for almost a decade descend and write total falsehood after falsehood, never once offering any proof to any of the claims they made, leading to doxxing, all because you called the blog owner out for being a liar for giving that behavior a venue when they told you they don’t do such things ... and these are the same people who proudly claim they support #MeToo... go fuck yourselves.

Later on, watch them stalk and target an innocent person simply because the initials of their screen name match the initials of our blog.  Considering the reasons we banned that antisemitic pos and his desire for violence against police officers, not surprising that both are becoming a mainstream opinion within the Radical Left.

I could go on further, but perhaps you see the theme.  Mob mentality and cancel culture go hand in hand off the fucking cliff in a sane and reasonable civic culture, when they become the established norm...

Worse is when it is happening and those who are watching say nothing. Which is practically the majority not all, but pretty damn close to all of those identifying as liberal/progressive.

In a way it makes sense that cancel culture would flourish on the Left, considering so many on the Left are too afraid of having an honest opinion at times when discussing politics online or in general, because in order to get along you must go along, so that completely annihilates nuance, because straying from the talking points is grounds for cancellation. Which that open letter is a perfect example of due to its inherent bias.

Been there, done and saw that.

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