#100% jesus

[theroomfloor]

I made this drawing during the last World Cup. Unfortunately Brazil didn't win but I love this drawing anyway.

This was one of the funniest things I've drawn. 🇧🇷🦌

[sorceresski]

He ain’t never had a match where he needa be doing all that

[lilislegacy]

You know how we all love to say Percy and Annabeth are everyone’s parents? Well I literally think their friends treat them that way.

You messed up and now a dark force is out to get you and you don’t know how to handle it? Call Mom (Annabeth). She will know exactly what to do and she’s going to bring research. She’s not gonna let anything happen to you.

You need to go to a really scary monster lair and you’re scared of getting ripped to literal shreds? Call Dad (Percy). He will kick its ass and protect you at all costs. He’s not gonna let anything happen to you.

Feeling overwhelmed after moving? Call Mom. Annabeth will bring homemade cookies, unpack everything in an orderly yet efficient fashion, and then sit down with you, listen, give advice, and then help you make a plan.

Got arrested? Call Dad. Percy will want to know what happened and make sure you’re okay, but he’s not gonna judge or scold you. He’ll pay your bail, take you for ice cream, and then tell you his own stories about getting arrested.

When people need advice about men, they call Annabeth. When people need advice about women, they call Percy. Because who better to ask than the couple who’ve been super happily married for what feels like forever (even if they’ve only technically been dating for 6 years or something).

Dating someone new? Mom and Dad do NOT get to meet them yet. Percy and Annabeth are going to be unnecessarily intimidating (in different ways) and scare the person away SO fast. And if the person somehow passes the test, then Percy and Annabeth are going to go back to bickering and flirting and overall just being so embarrassing.

Mom and Dad are a couple of menaces, but they also know how to handle anything and will always come running if you call.

[dsicameras]

a vision of ecstasy

[aspiringhexgirl]

FOX MULDER HAS BEEN ALIVE FOR 63 SLUTTY, SLUTTY YEARS!

[crunchycrystals]

BLUE JELLYBEANS........

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[conceiteddemon]

Been playing Tears of the Kingdom

[live-from-flaturn]

American Television after 5 years of pushing for queer representation: I hope you wanted unnecessary drama, angst with a maybe resolution, and three unfulfilling seasons of questionably written flirtation. And that all comes before anything is half-confirmed with a singular lukewarm kissing scene between two conventionally attractive, white bisexual women!

Thai Television .3 seconds after they figured out queer content is marketable: Did you want something kinky, soft, or stupid? Did you want cat ears? We’ve got cat ears! We’ve got safe/sane/consensual OR off-the-charts bad etiquette BDSM. We’ve got college students out the ass! As long as they’re an engineer or architect, choose your flavor. Do you want an age gap or classmates? Something for adults? Teens? Everyone was childhood besties, how about that??? This is a short order restaurant and I will flip you some gays like they’re hotcakes, just tell me what you want.

[satoumafuyuss]

something to heal the heart </3

[rhiannonsaintofcharm]

do you guys think that part of the reason Gideon’s death was so devastating to Harrow was that before then, there had at least been one person who survived the mass murder that created her? two hundred souls had been destroyed for her sake, but the annihilation wasn’t complete — there was one who escaped. one who lived. do you think Gideon dying, for the sake of Harrow living, snuffed out her one last glimmer of hope for absolution?

[jesus-holding-your-fave]

shigeo kageyama

Today, Jesus is holding:

Shigeo Kageyama from Mob Psycho 100

[darrys-laundry]

theatre etiquette is at an all time low, y’all cannot be singing and shouting things at actors. period.

they’re doing their jobs, and i did not pay the ticket price to listen to you.

[clingwrapsweat]

baby jesus mob. if you even care.

the reference there too

ref

[aspiringhexgirl]

like real people do is kinda funny when you think about it. it's him being like, hey, now that I think of it, we met under kinda suspicious circumstances honey. what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament girl! you know what? nvm, don't wanna know, dont care, doesn't matter, love you anyway.

[jimjamjommeron]

Big Ron's errand boy