#10 years of for better or worse
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“Well, maybe it is a sign. A sign that ours is a great love story. So what's a great love story without obstacles to overcome? Every fairy tale has them. Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend. But you can't give up. That's the deal. We want the happy ending? We can't give up.” 🥹🤍
S6E23, “For Better or Worse” aired 10 years ago (May 12, 2014) 💔
#castle#kate beckett#caskett#richard castle#beckett and castle#beckett x castle#castle and beckett#castle x beckett#castle rewatch#castle series#castle edit#castle season 6#6x23#for better or worse#10 years of for better or worse#castle anniversary#caskettedit
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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i wanna be a horror artist
i wanna be a weirdcore artist
i wanna be a character artist
i wanna do instimate scenes between characters
i wanna emulate lisa frank or rainbow brite or the last unicorn
i wanna emulate 90s anime
i wanna evoke '00s numetal
i wanna evoke '10s sadboy music
i wanna evoke catchy vocaloid music w disturbing lyrics
i wanna be like j-horror
i wanna make yaoi
i wanna do surrealism
i wanna do abstract
i wanna do cartoony
i wanna do anime/manga
i wanna do illustrations
i wanna do comics
i wanna do animation
i wanna stick to askblogs
i wanna express every part of me y_y
#txt#im a complex tangle of a wide variety of influences and aesthetics and interests and foundations#and i feel like my art maybe reflects uuuuuuuuh 10% of it#maybe#i wish it was more im just STUPID#AND DONT KNOW HOW#ive studied for YEARS#whats the SECRET#when it comes to art im really like...not uh#i dont wanna say not good bc im not here trying to put myself down (entirely)#more like im just not as uhhmmm rrerrmrmrm refined? no thats not the word either like. i'm not really an Artist in the full sense of the wo#i feel like tons of ppl have a better idea of the fundamentals of art and i dont just mean the techniques and physical skillsets#i mean mental and even emotional#i feel really stunted and behind and have ever since college x_x#and ive been so lost on how to grow in anything but physical skill#like my anatomy knowledge and persepctive knowlsdge and etc etc etc#get better#but how to express myself? just gets worse tbqh#idk how to like...approach ART as a practician#and not just an observer#like i just wish my art was more ART and emotional and raw and stylistic and ME#and not just uhhhh literal scenes of characters#bc thats all my brain can conceptualize#i wanna thinK DEEPER RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i wanna create art as deep as the art i like SEEING
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okay. watched a mythbusters episode where they tested scenes from star wars
they tested the tauntaun scene where han hides luke inside of one to keep him warm while he builds a shelter.
here i was thinking the ice planet hoth must be the most unimaginably cold place ever conceived, like physically impossible to even comprehend how cold it was
instead i find out that hoth is apparently canonically only as cold as a winter on the canadian prairies? roughly -30° to -60°C
so like yeah i get why it was so dangerous to get lost- but idk it kind of takes away from the excitement of that scene for me because it’s like, i’m so accustomed to those kinds of temperatures. fully aware that it’s so easy to die in that kind of weather but also. i do hour long dog walks in that. i go ice fishing in that. i went and got a haircut and wandered around the downtown of my city while we were colder than siberia lmao (it was -52°C i believe)
#ramble on exie#not putting this in any fandom tag cuz i don’t need that kind of energy lol#this is just a stupid shitpost because i genuinely don’t mind when it’s that cold here#i actually liked winter better last year when it was -30 than when it was -10. the colder weather felt comfier because it was drier#there’s nothing worse than wet cold. dry cold is so much nicer
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for some god awful reason I find myself scrolling through the pokeani reddit and I get psychic damage whenever people trash on sun/moon while praising xy. I am in your walls
#“the animation got worse” IS AN OBJECTIVELY WRONG STATEMENT#IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER IN SUN AND MOON you people dont get it#and ppl complain about de-aging ash BRO IS 10 YEARS OLD? SCREW OFFFFD#sun moon tackled way more mature themes than xy in terms of life lessons. sure i love end of the world type plots but#the way sun moon touched on death and grief was so nice to see especially in pokeani#pokemon#talking
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unreasonably excited to watch the 2009 gi joe movie with a friend tomorrow
#once a year or so we have the uncanny urge to watch a really REALLY fucking bad movie#we watched suicide squart 2016 last time for the sole purpose of looking at each other and going WHAT THE FUCKKKK throughout#i havent seen gi joe and she's only watched it like. 10 years ago so who's to say if this will be better or worse
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[[[[[[[[[[[CLOSED]]]]]]]]]]]
nahhhhhh
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#its been almost 2 years im on tumblr and i still feel like im not growing#i keep looking at my art and think ooh im getting better#but it seems like public opinion is the complete opposite#meanwhile i go to another artist and they keep improving and improving and everyone supports them#and the support keeps increasing and increasing and its not stopping#and it looked so easy for them#and it never worked on me#none of this works#so now i think my art is ugly and i hate it#but i dont want to stop because i will hate myself if i choose to stop#so now i will be trudging around with this ugly art while everyone stares at me with hatred#because how could someone as ugly as me is allowed to continue#hey mass report this fag#i bet people do that#while we support other artist in front of them so they feel much worse#and the worst is when people say oh you just need to post frequently#but i did#every day#and its so humiliating seeing a post that its like#10 likes 40 rb#and those rbs are all by myself#because i keep self reblogging my art because im proud of it#while people unfollow because how dare i put these shitty art on their dashboard#and i hate every moment like this#and its happening on every single art i post#i ended up taking a break#its probably a bad idea since all of my pages are in a bad state right now#twitter shadowbanned tumblr blocked and ignored#and my patrons keep leaving bcs just this month several people joined and then left within 1-2 days maybe because i dont post everyday#but its ok i think when everyone starts leaving i can do a restart
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#this exchange is really heartbreaking to me and a great example as to why i think gina is more complex than she’s often given credit for#her vulnerability and her desire for love without strings attached really show why she is the way that she is for better and for worse#vanessa marcil really seems to understand her character and though i've said it before it bears repeating that she is a fantastic actor#am i saying this because i have been in gina's shoes in the past and even years later it still stings? maybe#but the fact that she can connect with me in so directly in such a brief scene makes her one of my favourite characters/actors on the show#beverly hills 90210#gina kincaid#vanessa marcil#90s#season 10
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Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):
But I liked the clean white background one...
#It's cute...#It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi#Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;;#Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking.#It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful#Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image.#And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know??#But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source”#Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality#And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20#And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public????#It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work#Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison#Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google#and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff)#But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option#But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens#and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea-#what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge#random rambles
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maaaan i need glasses 👎👎👎
better find some cute ones at least
#sodaramblestoomuch#i didn’t realize i probably needed glasses until i put on my friends glasses last year and suddenly everything was super clear#and i’m pretty sure my vision is only getting worse 0/10 they should invent better eyes
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im so easy when it comes to immoral characters like okay do you bear your pain terribly? get behind me
#fandom is looking at a traumatised guy and going 'they deserved better'#but let me fucking TELL you if that guy goes on to let their trauma absolutely mutilate them then im gonna be there#bad victims etc etc#bear it terribly. bear it ugly and mean. bear it with your teeth stained by innocents that had nothing to do with the slaughter#let it make you worse. lash out. kick down. become the terrible thing#im defending that guy until the end of time#touya todoroki#andrew minyard#touya is the closest anyone has come to andrew in a very long time for me when it comes to this#like andrew is THEE baseline of this ive never seen anything like the way he does it#he was treated terribly and it made him terrible. shamelessly. he took the bad thing and decided to be worse for it#and while it's unsustainable in a person it's so fucking cathartic for a reader to just see that happening despite the tragedy of it#it's touya stood over his abuser and ripping his world apart with his bare hands while laughing#because he spent 10 years in hell for this moment. this single moment. and the audience and the characters call him a monster#it's andrew threatening his own cousin at knifepoint to defend a stranger's integrity simply because that is one of andrew's lines#and you do not cross them. no one ever will again. and the audience and the characters call him a monster#it's watching people who were treated awfully refuse to swallow that pain. refuse to forgive. refuse to move on#it's watching them embrace the wreckage of it and self-destruct either in one glorious explosion or gradually over years#because they are willingly choosing to live this way instead of getting over it. they are rejecting healing with their eyes open#because they were hurt so badly that healing now seems like a denial of that pain#and then u get to read fanfiction where they heal and are acknowledged for what they suffered and u cry and cry and cry <3
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I hate you weight loss ads I hate you packaging that prominently displays calorie content I hate you menus that don’t show how much something costs but instead show the calories I hate you magazines that blast weight loss strategies in your face I hate you influencers promoting detox teas I hate how the world is so unfriendly to people recovering from EDs who are just trying to get through their everyday life without being reminded about it under the guise of a “fitness girlie” lifestyle
#tw eating disorders#tw disordered eating#I’m fine btw mutuals don’t worry it’s fine#I just get so frustrated with how all the fitness lifestyle crap that’s so popular today has created this environment where it’s so easy to#develop orthorexia#one minute you think that the world is getting better about this shit but then one of those fitness girlies pops up and you realize we’re#still doing the same stuff just packaging it differently#I recently performed coffee in my schools nutcracker and i would almost argue that my mindset going into it about my body was WORSE than it#would have been 10 years ago bcs yeah now no ones going to SAY that you’re supposed to be thin#they’re just going to judge you for not having a fucking six pack#bcs it’s just so easy and it’s this cute quirky lifestyle that you can just achieve#and it’s so healthy#it’s good for you#i don’t think the fact that I wound up doing ab workouts every day for a month was super healthy thanks#and all the stuff I mentioned above was so fucking unhelpful#I’m just going about my day not worrying about whether I’m going to hit this fitness goal and then bam some food is in my face telling me#how many calories it has and how it’s so HEALTHY#when that wasn’t something that was on my radar AT ALL at the moment#anyway#getting off my soapbox now thanks#mine
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honestly one of my least favourite things about online spaces centered around cluster b personality disorders is that they almost treat the disorders as an in joke. like its never quite anti recovery rhetoric but a lot of the times it feels like it becomes this thing where something harmful gets spurred on as a personality trait to nurture rather than a symptom to keep an eye on. freaks me the fuck out.
it could be because growing up i was pretty familiar with cluster b spaces and i lost a couple of friendships due to it becoming this whole "i have this disorder now i have to knowingly indulge the more harmful and dangerous symptoms im supposed to be treating to really prove i have this disorder!" thing.
like babes i still believe youre borderline, you dont need to go full tilt maintaining a numbered and ranked list of the people most important to you and assigning a fp role to someone who frankly is not responsible for your stability.
#i lost a friend yeeeeaaaars ago like almost 10 years ago now#who discovered npd and started using it as a justification for treating us like shit and seeing us as lesser#which was so fucking crazy to me as someone whos pretty fucking certain they have npd#bc if anything its made me a hell of a lot more aware of how i treat people around me#because like theres a lot worse things i can be than arrogant and self obsessed. but i dont wanna be arrogant and self obsessed AND cruel#like i fell victim to the borderline personality trait shit as a kid hardcore#and didnt realise i was probably comorbid npd til literally last year so i dodged that#but literally the reason i didnt realise it was probably also npd is because of how people dehumanize people w npd#like most of my exposure to npd in my own life has been absolute fucking menaces#but so has bpd. the people with bpd who have remained part of my life have always been people w bpd who keep an eye on their behaviour#bc no personality disorder makes you evil but not monitoring your symptoms does almost always make you irresponsible#like its very weird seeing people in my life react wildly differently to the discovery or diagnosis#like i just have 0 energy for people who get a diagnosis and just use it to excuse their treatment of others#and this comes from someone who was The borderline menace at age 16#i think realising i probably have npd has made me a lot more aware of my own ego among other things#and ive had enough therapy for bpd to feel comfortable navigating most of the npd stuff rn without an official dx yet#bc id say ive already been trying to curb certain behaviour for years now without realising it could be linked to smth in particular#its just a new explanation. but i dont think its an excuse#i hope that ex friend is dealing with his shit better now. i still think hes a dick but he was a struggling teenager so all i can do is like#hope hes grown up and doing better mentally and has better friends. bc god knows our friend group was pretty unhealthy#txt
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#haven't been active at all cos i have been struggling worse than ever LOL#i feel like only half of my brain is active and it is NOT the good half#i am really really trying like i am trying so so hard to better myself and my life and things in general and it justtttt#never feels like i am ever ever ever cut any slack or given a break by the universe atp like it has just been idk 12+ years of HELL !!!!!!!#and the type of hell changes but it is always bad i have felt sad every day of my life since i was about 10 and i'm now 25#even if i have the happiest best of days my brain will still make me sad the second i'm alone or the second night falls#anyway it's mb a good sign that i managed to come on here for a lil happy happy scroll :) but we'll see ig xxxx love u guys#i
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:')
#what do you do when you feel like everyone else in your friend group cant see or recognize how annoying a person is#sjshsksbsksnsksjs i cant stand her i get so annoyed when i see her or hear about her that ive just had to leave#and tbh my mental has been a lot better since......#idk its gotten to the point where i struggle ignoring her or being cordial because im just like “OH MY GOD get over yourself”#yeah were all sad it doesnt make you special and you arent the most sad either#people who make how depressed they are part of their personality / their only personality trait are my biggest pet peeve#and i think a big reason for that is i used to do that so i understand but like that will only make you continue to feel worse because#youre like always acknowledging the sad and youre building your life and personality around how sad you are to the point where you CANT get#better because sadness is part of who you are and it feels like losing that sadness is losing the only part of yourself you know and#understand#but no!!!!!#thats just how you stay sad!!!!#some people think if you arent sad forever then your depression isnt as real as other peoples and i think she is that way#which is another reason i cannot stand her bc she thinks im not depressed too just because i dont talk about it#bitch!!!!! ive tried to kill myself!!!! i have self harm scars that will never heal from 10 years ago!!!!!#but i dont make it part of my personality!!!!! why would i!!!!#ugh im so annoyed that i feel like i have to prove myself#and its like if im not depressed all the time then i never was depressed#when bitch i was put in a psych ward!!!!!#i hate her#tbh#im starting to think i cant go back#i miss a lot of people but bc of her i just hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#vgobvent
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