#10 years ago i was on a plane across the world and now im about to board another to change my life again but this time im not alone

[rowanisawriter]

forgot the exact date but sometime this week is the 10 year anniversary of when i ran away from home lol i was 22 and i had $70 in my pocket, crossed an ocean the very first time i was ever alone and slept on a friends couch for three months. my new life cost me literally everything i had ever known, my family, my old religion, everything to have the power of choice, to be able to choose what to do, to wear, to eat, friends to make, person to marry. i didnt know whether i would succeed or crash out and die. but i knew for sure i would die if i didnt try. sometimes in life you are faced with big choices and its scary. very scary and its tempting to do nothing and have everything stay safely the same but you can be brave and make the right choice for yourself, i know it’s possible because i did it

[irondadfics]

I’m looking for fanfics where Peter is Tony’s biological child and he goes missing/gets kidnapped as a young child. He is raised by someone else and doesn’t know he’s Tony’s son. I’ve already read Lost Boy and Things I Almost Remember on archive of our own and I wanted to find stories with a similar plot.

WHEW! It’s kind of a long list, but we did our best finding several fics that feature both BioDad!Tony and Peter being kidnapped at a very young age. ENJOY!!

PETER IS TONY’S SON BUT THEY WERE SEPARATED WHEN PETER WAS A CHILD REC LIST

Lost Boy by winterda

Isaac Stark disappeared from a crowded park a few months shy of his third birthday. There were never any signs of him, and no arrest were ever made in connection to the case. It was as if the toddler had simply vanished off the face of the earth. Twelve years later, Peter Parker has a really bad day, which only get worse when his prints are put through the system.

Things I Almost Remember by IcedAquarius @icedaquarius31​

Peter's past is not as it appears. It all starts one day with a genetics project and slowly spirals into something Peter never could have imagined.

hydra's not a home by tempestaurora @tempestaurora​

At 6 years old, the son of Tony and Pepper Stark, Peter, is kidnapped, never to be seen again. Or, so they thought. Ten years later, while raiding a HYDRA base, the Avengers come across a new, enhanced individual, working for the enemy: in black spandex, with a tendency to stick to walls and shoot webs from his wrists, the Black Spider is a pain in the ass in more ways than one.

If They Knew All About You by MsHermia

Tony Stark had lost his son when he was only 2 years old, stolen away in broad daylight with nobody the wiser of what exactly happened. Years later, Tony has just made it through the disaster with Ultron. He is trying to keep himself and the team together but relationships are strained and tempers are running high. Then a random turn of events leads to his path crossing with that of a particular vigilante. They are strangers to each other, or so they think.

Peter Parker is on top of the world. After a few shitty years, losing his parents and then losing his Uncle, things are finally looking up. Sure he lives in a crappy little apartment with his Aunt but he might have just found his mission in life.

------

This is an AU story obvious by some of the tags. I'm starting out a few weeks after Age of Ultron took place. Civil War will be a thing. Other than that I'm not too concerned about sticking to every canon detail and storyline.

Finding Their Way Home by ElliahRose

Peter Benjamin-Edward Stark went missing on a Tuesday. For months the entirety of the New York police department, as well as anyone else the Starks could convince to join, searched for the tot. He was only three when he was taken and for four months, two weeks, and four days, Tony Stark and Pepper Stark (nee Potts) worried and fretted over their beloved child.

Peter Benjamin-Edward Stark was murdered on a Friday. A ransom call gone wrong spelt the end of the child’s life. The world grieved as the kidnappers gleefully told the devastated parents they’d find his body in the morning.

They never did.

Twelve years passed and the family was still grieving, and Tony Stark worked tirelessly to find his only child’s killer and gain justice for his son.

Meanwhile Peter Parker was having literally the worst day ever. He just wanted to help make the world a better place, but instead he got stabbed. That's just his luck, isn't it?

missing, presumed dead by hailingstars @hailing-stars

They hadn’t had a funeral for Peter.

There hadn’t been a casket or a service inside a church.

There had been, before Tony decided in his heart that Peter was gone, candlelight vigils and pleas on the media for whoever had taken him to bring him home. Neither of those did any good. Neither of those brought Peter home.

OR

Tony Stark's son gets kidnapped when he's two. Twelve years later he comes back.

I told you to be better (and you became the best) by HaruK

Tony was blessed with a healthy baby boy, and for once in his life, was actually happy. Until everything derailed and he had to send his son away to keep him safe, because those related to the Stark family, one of the worlds biggest and most targeted families in the black market, always end up hurt. With a new name and identity that Tony himself doesn't know, the young baby was wiped off the map, his existence erased, never to be heard of again. . Years later, Anti-hero Iron Man meets a local superhero vigilante and Tony becomes surprisingly close with young Peter Parker.

The Curly-Haired Boy In The Paper by Svn_f1ower @svn-f1ower​

When Tony sees the blurry, grey scale photograph of someone he thought he had lost years ago, he follows the trail to a newspaper company, to a hospital, to an adoption agency, to the police station and finally to May Parker's house.

hold him tight & don’t let go by jessicagoddamnjones @farremoved

Peter Stark went missing when he was four years old.

Eleven years later, he’s found.

Only now he’s Peter Parker by day, Spider-Man by night, and he doesn’t like the idea that his entire life is a lie.

Rise from the Ashes; Just to See You Again by Mintstream @iwritedumbshit​

Tony Stark didn't expect Mary Fitzpatrick, or the news she delivered. He didn't expect that he would become a father, or that he would actually enjoy it. He didn't expect Penny to love him just as fiercely as he did her.

He didn't expect to lose her so soon.

In the wake of the loss of his daughter he tried--tried to do right by her. He became Iron Man, he was an Avenger, he protected his world because he couldn't protect his daughter, but through it all, he hoped to be reunited with his daughter.

He didn't expect to be alive when he was.

AKA the biological daughter kidnapping AU no one asked for. Hope you read, and hope you enjoy.

Updates on Saturdays.

Coming Home by inkinmyheartandonthepage

AU – Peter Stark was kidnapped when he was just three years old. Tony and Pepper never stopped looking for their boy. Years later, Peter finds his way back home.

A Change In What We Knew by Imissyoutoo @imissyoutoo

Tony scoured the floor behind Steve as though his one-year-old son had somehow crawled to him, before finally, he looked up. The realisation dawned on him like an eclipse; the decaying darkness hiding the sun. Hiding his son. Because his boy wasn't there.

”Where is he? Steve? Where's my son Rogers?!” At only a year old, Tony Stark’s son is taken, leaving him shattered. Little does he know, his journey to find what is lost only begins twelve years later. In the most unlikely of places, and all because of two words.

”Hey kid.”

I Found You by honestchick

Tony had a son; he raised him for two years until someone kidnapped him. Tony was devastated and heartbroken. And who would have thought in Starks Expo, he’d be able to see his son once again?

move back home forever by chasingflower @evahmohns

The results say he’s not actually Peter Parker.

They say he’s Peter Stark. You know, the one who’s been missing for 10 years.

Yeah. He knows.

Soon You'll Get Better by lostinmorewaysthan1

Peter Stark was kidnapped. That was all anyone knew. He vanished into thin air, no traces left behind, when he was eight years old.

Six years later, on one of the final raids on the HYDRA bases, they find an enhanced assassin, with super strength and the ability to climb walls. No one imagined that it would be Peter. Least of all Tony.

With no memory and brainwashed by HYDRA, Peter Stark goes home and tries to recover.

Let This Road Be Mine by CommunicationFlail

Ten years ago, five year old Peter Stark disappeared. When the trail went cold, the case was closed. Now new evidence has been brought to light and Tony will stop at nothing to get his son back. No matter how many fakes he has to meet. His son is out there, and he will find him.

Return to me, the one I love so endlessly by SuperHeroTiger @superherotiger

James Edwin Stark was born on the 10th of August 2001, and for the first time in his life, Tony Stark cried tears of joy.

All the fears, all the dread that had once consumed his soul washed away with a single look at the baby’s gentle features, so familiar and yet so distinctly unique at the same time. Tony made many promises that day. Promises to love his son, to protect him, to always be there for him.

On the 10th of August 2002, James Edwin Stark was stolen in the middle of the night, and his father’s world came crashing down. Shattered and alone, Tony whispered the same promise he’d made to his son the day that he was born.

‘���My love for you is endless…’

Fourteen years later, hidden away from the world in a forest of pine, Peter Beck would dream of a day he might get to see the towering city of New York. And when a wounded stranger stumbles onto their property a week out from his birthday claiming to be a famous billionaire from New York, his dream might just come true.

Once Lost Now Found by FreckledAvenger11

Peter Parker was just trying to get used to life without his uncle. He wasn't expecting to find a familiar face in an article about Tony Stark's missing son. Follow Peter on his journey to discover just who he is. Is he Peter Parker? Is he Spider-Man? Or is he someone else entirely? Just who is he and what secrets died along with his parents in that plane crash?

So He Walks The World Alone by Miola014

This is a story 'bout a broken boy With his headphones in just to block out the noise Of everyone around him telling him the way to go So he walks the world alone Wondering if it gets better Or if he's always gonna feel empty forever So he gets lost tryna find another way back home As he walks the world alone

Or

The Kidnapped Peter Stark AU that I promised y'all!

[marvel-medigeek-fics]

“Hello?” Buck holds his phone to his face and listens intently to the other end.

“I understand.” He was laughing, and now all of his joy is in a puddle of the floor.

He sighs and plops down on the bench. He sighs again.

“What was that, Buck?” Hen asks, leaning against the lockers.

“I have to go to Pennsylvania.” He searches for a plane ticket without thinking about it.

“Why?” Chimney’s obviously has heard about what went on in Pennsylvania. He can’t contain his disgust, and it would be dramatic if it wasn’t so on the nose.

“My mom died today. In a fire.”

“Oh, Buck. I’m so sorry.” Buck leans into Hen’s touch.

“When’s the funeral?” Chimney asks quietly.

“Friday.” Chimney walks off without a word, pulling out his phone as he heads in the direction of Bobby’s office. Eddie takes a seat next to Buck, offering his sympathy without saying anything. 

What’s it going to be like, going back? Last he checked, his father was still mad about him going to LA, and his mom, well. She’s dead now. He couldn’t not go to the funeral. If for one reason only, for Maddie. She still had to tell her parents Doug was dead. And Buck, he had other things to tell them. 

Chimney returns to the three of them, who hadn’t moved. “Do you need to..?” he trails off, and looks down at his phone when it chimes and immediately back up. “Because if you do, I cleared it for you already.” Buck looks up at him and nods stiffly. 

“I should call Maddie.” Buck dials her number and is met with her sobbing profusely. 

“Yeah, Mads, I’ll be there.” He doesn’t bother to change out of his work clothes, and just grabs his bag, pulling the rest of them into a group hug. He hangs up and savors the embrace for a minute until he leaves. 

He leaves the rest of them looking at his retreating form, and Eddie’s the first one to say anything. “I have to tell Chris im going on a trip.” He walks toward Bobby’s office just like Chimney did not 10 minutes ago. 

--

When Chimney, Maddie and buck land in Hershey, there is no one waiting for them. They just go to the hotel. It was decided from the time they booked their flights that they wouldn’t be staying anywhere near the Buckley house.

But they are going to dinner that night. The three of them were dressed impeccably. Maddie is anxiously crying over introducing Chimney to her father. Chimney is comforting her, and Buck is on a phone call with Eddie. Listening to Eddie had a way of calming Buck down.

“We gotta go Buck.” Maddie’s says, her makeup flawless again. He waves to Eddie and braces himself for the train wreck that is bound to happen.

“Hello, Evan, Madeline...” the Buckley patriarch begins.

“Howie. My boyfriend.” Maddie supplies, visibly twitching. Chimney sticks his hand out and Mr. Buckley shakes it solemnly.

“So what do you do, Mr...?”

“Han. And I’m a firefighter with Bu-Evan.” Chimney replies, sitting down at the table last.

Mr. Buckley makes a tsk noise and turns to the menu. No one says anything until after they order, Buck staying uncharacteristically silent and Maddie and Chimney drinking wine like water. They are going to need a lot to get through this. Mr. Buckley has a way of making everyone tense. He isn’t even doing anything, but old wounds don’t go away with time.

“Is there anything we need to do before tomorrow?” Buck whispers, swirling his wine around in the glass.

“There wouldn’t be a tomorrow if you hadn’t run off to Los Angeles.” Mr. Buckley doesn’t blink while he burns Buck with his gaze.

“I didn’t run, as much as you shoved me out.” Buck mutters, downing the rest of his glass.

“Shoved you out?!”

“Yes. Dad, you knew what you were doing when you gave me that ultimatum.” Buck struggles to keep his voice steady.

“Can we just enjoy a meal together?” Mr. Buckley says, taking the plate from the waiter and shooting Buck yet another death glare. Maddie and a Chimney both look at their plates like they’re the most interesting thing in world.

“So, Dad, how’s work?” Maddie tries to defuse the situation, squeezing both Buck and Chimney’s hands before she takes a tense bite of her food.

“Busy. I’ve been working nonstop double shifts to avoid having to plan another funeral. God rest their souls.”

“I wish I could’ve met her.” Chimney whispers, fondly remembering Kevin, and his own mother. Maddie squeezes his hand under the table again.

“And you would’ve, if someone would’ve stayed where he belongs.” The words wouldn’t have their meaning if there wasn’t a death glare involved.

“I’m out.” Buck gets up and throws a few bills down on the table. Maddie runs after him and Chimney follows, leaving his own bundle of cash on the table. Buck is already halfway to the car by the time Maddie and Chimney make it there.

“Buck! Hey!” 

Buck doesn’t turn around until he recognizes the voice. It’s Eddie. “What’s wrong?” he says. Buck flies into his arms. “Buck, talk to me.” 

“Hey, Eddie.” Maddie and Chimney say from near the trunk. Eddie waves, but his mind is actually on Buck. He looks up to see someone striding across the parking lot. All at once, he’s running toward him with a vengeance.

Maddie pulls off her shoes and sets them on the trunk and runs after them. Chimney runs after them, Eddie specifically, while Buck looks dumbfounded.

“Lay off, Diaz!” Chimney pulls a seething Eddie back and all but drags him back to the car. Maddie is more angry than Eddie, if that’s possible. It’s probably lucky the three guys can’t hear her.

“Why’d you do that, Eds?” Buck whispers when Eddie isn’t breathing fire. Eddie looks over at him and shrugs. He bumps his shoulder against Bucks lightly.

“I got your back.”

Maddie returns and holds her hand out for her shoes. “Well. Eddie, are you sober?”

“Um. Yes?”

“Great. You can drive!” She tosses him the keys and climbs in to the car. The other three look at her in disbelief for a second and decide not to question Maddie.

“So what did you say to him?” Buck says to her.

“I just said, if you want to hurt my baby brother, you’ll have to go through me, your beloved daughter. And he just sighed. So that’s a good sign, I think, at least it was when I was 16.”

“Thanks, Mads.” She nods in reply and motions for Eddie to take a left. Maddie and Chimney head up to the room, while Buck and Eddie stay behind.

“I thought you left street fighting behind months ago.” Buck says, looking at Eddie with a smirk playing on his lips.

“That was a parking lot, not the same.”

“Same difference.” Eddie snickers in reply and lets Buck rest his head on his shoulders.

“What did he say, Buck?”

“It was nothing.”

“Yeah, okay. Tell me about your mom then.”

Buck sighs and looks back at his memories of his mom. She was a lawyer, and she was the best. She didn’t get that far without hard work. Which didn’t leave much time for him or Maddie. She was better than his dad, when she wasn’t at work. She was nice, and sweet. But she wasn’t around much, so the nice things fell to the wayside when she took on more and more and more cases.

“She was a workaholic. But she was funny. Even when she’d be working, she never miss a chance to crack a joke. She could’ve been a comedian, but she always said she was too smart for that. So she went to law school with an 8 year old, and got pregnant with me. She missed her graduation having me, and then she never made time again. Never too busy to crack a joke, but too busy for her son.”

Buck sighs again and all the tension seeps out of him. “I’ll miss talking to her. Wasn’t often, but...”

Eddie turns to hug him close and let him work his grief out, even just a little bit of it. The sun goes down over them, but they don’t move.

“Hey, you should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Come on.”

—

The next day, the Buckley siblings, Chimney and Eddie, walk out of the lobby dressed to the 7s. They don’t speak on the way to the funeral.

“You okay?” Chimney and Eddie say to Maddie and Buck respectively.

They both nod and squeeze hands. And they walk into the church, with Eddie and Chimney following quickly behind them. They take their seats, and wait. A chain of squeezes makes its way down the group, like they are in high school again. Nostalgia has its ways of making the worst times a little more bearable.

So the chain starts again when Buck and Maddie go to say goodbye. It’s a bit weird to talk to an urn, but neither of them seem to mind. They stand shoulder to shoulder and talk.

“I wish I had a joke for you, Mom.” Maddie begins.

“What was E.T. short for?” Buck supplies, wiping a stray tear out of his eye.

“Because he had little legs.” Maddie said, while crying softly. “That was her favorite.”

“We miss you mom. Be good.”

“We love you.”

They turn around to see their father looking at them, with a mix of pride, guilt and sadness. “I’m sorry. For giving you the ultimatum.”

“I forgave you a long time ago.”

“Then why didn’t you come home?”

“My home is in LA, Dad. With Maddie and Chimney. And Eddie, and his son Chris. With my friends. With the family I chose.”

“You chose them? Over me.”

“You chose work over me. Over us.” Buck gestures to him and Maddie.

“You’re right.” He sighs. And sighs again. And walks out to the car. He leaves the four of them and the funeral attendant in the church, not exactly reeling or stunned, but off kilter.

“Let’s go.” The four of them grab hands and walk out, heads down low.

—

“Why did you come all the way here?” Buck asks Eddie, back at the hotels parking lot underneath the setting sun once again.

“I didn’t want you to be alone.” Eddie replies.

“That’s..” Buck turns one corner of his lips up. “Really sweet. Thank you.”

“You did it for me. I’m only returning the favor.” Eddie half smiles back.

“Do you miss Shannon?” Buck says after a second.

“Everyday.”

Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand a little and they just barely move to smile at each other.

“I used to be angry at her, because she asked for a divorce. And then she died.” He scoffs. “And then I moved my anger to you. Worst time of my life, being angry at you.”

“Thank you for forgiving me.”

“I can’t stay mad at you.” 

The stars twinkle and both of them watch them, the only sound the rhythm of their breathing.

“Make a wish.” Buck points to a shooting star and shuts his eyes, whispering a wish.

“I already have everything I ever wanted.” Eddie squeezes Buck to him and pecks him on the cheek.

“Me too.”

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: 8.27.18

anyway i forgot what we did. was last session us doing the dead grove? oh yeah i think we like, did a pit stop in welna after SAVING THE WORLD. 

basically taure got in a fight w/ the campaign antag, sieron got reaffirmed as the protagonist, charlie blew shit up, and then chego transmuted soup x100 

hhjgsdkj got derailed before the session even started bc solar has screenshots of summer saying "KJ! HAS! FUCKED!"

they also have a screenshot of summer saying "it's for the greater good! of me. its for the greater me" but sier display name is KJ Fucks and i really hope its still not that when i do the rabbit tomorrow

im actually gonna take a moment to read the last d&d thread hgxdfkhgfdlkgdlfk 

1) oh wow no wonder i couldnt remember, its been a month 2) there's a tweet that says "I SENT THE CALL STRAIGHT TO HELL" AND I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK I DID 

[everyone starts going "hewwo?"] 

michael: so you know how the oracle shit happened a year ago? hex: WHAT (solar: i wasnt there! :D hex: YOU SURE WERENT, IT WAS A YEAR AGO) michael: yeah its been only 15 days ingame 

solar: ill horf snarf my ramen as quickly as possible-- hex: dont die! solar: DONT DIE?! hex: dont die! solar: i wont! hex: guess aile'll die! 

charlie has known most of the party for an in-game month and she is fucking ride or ride. RIDE OR DIE 

[walks back in to call] michael: ...the average human has probably not fucked paraphrased bc im LOSING MY MIND 

i linked this thread to gill bc michael isnt letting her spectate the session again and i could hear her muffledly giggling

hex: sieron has balls [immediately regrets saying it] solar: sieron has big dick energy jorb: [SOUNDS LIKE HE JUST DIED] 

penn: im pawty tweasuwew~! hex: you are! you're fucking kawaii! 

hex: im 3 feet tall and weigh as much as a toaster! michael: did you just say you're TWENTY feet tall?! hex: NO!!!!!!!! 

michael: behold the bizarrity of a hexagonal world! penn: thanks i hate it hex "hexagon aesthetic" hexagonest: [cracking up quietly] 

penn: we're going to tevarin! who's driving? it's me-- SHIT michael: "we're going to tevarin! who's driving?" taure says, from the driver's seat 

charlie: thorne! name your fucking horse! thorne: [sounding afraid and british] i- i dont know how to ride a horse! 

i love hearing gill and michael arguing in the bg 

[charlie dabs for no reason] 

thorne is having a Good Time 

thorne lived in the feywild for like their entire goddamn life so they are having a good-ass time being in a material plane also solar rolled a nat20 perception 

we're riding back to artevon so we passed the ettin from the Ettin Fight so i got to fill solar in on what happened and taure got to roll deception to pretend she's not upset :,) 

i think gill is Constantly sassing michael the entire time and i can only hear bits and pieces but omg 

michael: [explaining] thorne is from the emerald dream. solar: thorne is from bullshit land, where everything is bullshit hex: so, the emerald dream penn: i think EVERYONE is from bullshit land 

charlie rolls athletics to hold her giant fucking dog 

justin is big enough for charlie to RIDE but thats bc charlie is 3 feet tall 

oh my god i forgot tevarin is where taure did the magic weed thing. we're in tevarin rn 

charlie is banned from All Libraries 

thorne: i really dont mind either way. [silence] charlie: swag. 

thorne: who... IS the oracle, exactly? taure: hes a cool dude. charlie: he stuck me and sieron in a horrible teleporting loop. 

time to bother the oracle again! 

[everyone discovers the oracle shop is abandoned] taure: ... [leans down to charlie] can you pick the lock? charlie: "can i pick the lock", she asks. >:D 

GRYPHON!! RETURN OF BABY GRYPHON!!!!!! 

we forgot their name so now theyre Bimble 

gryphons are Monstrosities 

i think we stole bimble 

charlie, very casually to a shopkeep: taure got some weed once. 

penn: is there anywhere i can get a book on gryphons? hex: is there a library here? penn: oh no hex: CHARLIE'S NOT GOING IN THERE 

penn: open up a nice cold.. glass of bepis

taure: i dont get this magic mumbo jumbo. charlie: me neither, and i FART magic! ..thats what wild magic surges are, i just fuckin fart magic

[thorne clips into Mystery Magic Orb] 

michael: thorne closes his eyes, and hears a very quiet... pppbbbbbbt.... as bimble farts. hex: [KEELS OVER IRL LAUGHING] penn: bottle that shit, we can sell it on ebay! I DONT MAKE JOKES. I DONT MAKE JOKES. I DONT MAKE JOKES 

the party spends like 10 minutes bothering an Invisible Orb 

jorb: are you saying that orcs just naturally have a british accent?! 

i dont care what michael says, orcs are british now 

michael: [...] some lovely fowl, some steaming potatoes... hex: screaming!? michael: STEAMING, the potatoes do not scream solar & penn: [SCREAM]

michael: plot twist: you take bimble across and the horses eat kaepora. 

penn: friendly reminder: taure would die for charlie hex: charlie would die for her too. michael: they will. penn: yaaaAAAAaayyy 

[discussing if sieron is swole] michael: the real question is... is sieron thicc. [everyone has a fear response] michael: do he got the booty? [michael is forcibly removed from call] 

[michael and penn arguing over michigan being shaped like a hand] 

"i presto the SHIT out of everything." 

"i presto the SHIT out of taure" 

penn: that or, you could just tell me hex: NO 

taure: did i get it? solar: ...did she get it? michael: did you get it? 

taure got some blood on her face (bimble decided to be Extremely Cat with gift of dead mouse) and Comedy Ensues 

"i think taure IS a serial killer" 

[everyone discussing what to do about an ambush] charlie: [sticks head out of wagon grinning] i enjoy killing people! [rolls a 22 on intimidation] THE ENTIRE ENCOUNTER: [SCARED SHITLESS] [LEAVES] 

reminder: charlie is 3 feet tall, very adorable, and EXTREMELY DANGEROUS 

jorb: we killed their hopes. hex: that's why we're the Hope's Guard! --wait michael: you killed their clean underwear. jorb: UNDERWEAR: SLAIN 

we're all trying to explain Big Dick Energy to gill 

big michael energy

[lovemesomesurveys]

Can you iron? I’ve never had to, but I’m sure I probably could. Can you work the microwave? Yes, me and the microwave go way back. I don’t cook, but I can zap up something in the microwave like a pro. ha. Can you work the washing machine? I’ve never had to. Is anybody in your house sleeping? My parents. Are you older or younger than fifteen? I’m soon to be twice that. D:

Do you have any friends that got married within the past year? No. When was the last time you used a pair of ear/headphones? Right now. Have you ever tried to count to infinity? No, of course not. Do you like making mixed CD’s? I used to do that all the time before the days of Spotify. Would you want to live forever if it meant being a tree? Nah. What would you do tomorrow if you had $500? Save it for my birthday and go somewhere fun. Did you have an easy-bake oven when you were little? Yes. Have you ever seen a donkey? Yeah. Have you ever made out in a hot tub? No. Are you happy with your weight? No. I’m way too thin. If you could move out right now, would you? No. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? I don’t. :/ Do you always flush the toilet after you use it? Of course. Ever wish you had a different family? No! Have you ever smoked pot? Yes, a few times. Ever been drunk? Yes, many times. Are there any wrappers/empty beverage containers on your desk/some surface in your room? Yeah, an empty Starbucks Frappuccino bottle. Do you find facial hair attractive or unattractive? I find some facial hair attractive.  If you could move somewhere else would you? Absolutely. We want to, we just haven’t been able to as of yet. Do you have any siblings? Yes, two brothers. Wearing any jewelry? Nope. How tall are you? Like 5′4. Where were you born? California. Do you still live there? Yep. How do you think tomorrow will be? Just another day. Have you dated both sexes? No. Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? And do you think you’ll ever get it? No. What were the last words you said to your Dad? “Goodnight.” Does it bother you when people bring up your past? Depends what they’re bringing up. Name something you disliked about the day you had today? It’s only 2:33AM, not a whole lot has happened so far. Have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating? Yes. Can you take pills without thrusting your head backwards? I can’t take pills--period. I have to crush them. The last plane you were on, where was it going? From Georgia to California. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? My loved ones. Are you a really understanding person? I think so. Do you think relationships are difficult? They can be. Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? No. The earbuds I had broke a couple years ago and I haven’t been able to get a new pair. :( How was your week? Same old, same old. <<< What brand of chapstick do you use? EOS. Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? Depends on from who. Do your socks say anything on them? Nope, they’re just black. Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? Doubtful, but I do want to see the Jonas Brothers in October. We’ll have to see. When you smile, are you confident? No. Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yes. Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? Gray, I guess. Have you ever gone to a private school? My UC is. Does your house have security cameras? Yes. Does a popsicle sound good right now? No. I’m not a popsicle person. What did you do for your 17th birthday? I don’t remember. What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth or chew gum. Is there something bothering you right now? Yes. Who last sent you a text msg? My dad. What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? Aladdin. Yes, I enjoyed it. Do you attend school, college, or university? I’m done with school. What do you study, wherever you study? I majored in psychology. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? "When I’m older...” I am older and I have no idea. :/ Who was the last person to IM you? I don’t recall. When was the last time you received a black eye? How’d you get it? Never have. When’s the last time you wore a wig? Years ago for a costume. <<< Why were you last hospitalized? I had surgery. Do you think glasses make someone instantaneously nerdy? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without food? Not counting the times I was sedated after surgery or wasn’t able to eat after one for a couple days, I’ve only gone a day without anything because I was sick or had appetite/stomach issues. I’ve gone days with just very little for the same reasons. Have you ever donated to a charity? Yeah. What was the last name of your third grade teacher? Mrs. Wattell. Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Disneyland. Would you ever go backpacking across any country? No. Have you ever gone backpacking across any country? No. Do you hate tourists? I’m such a tourist, soo.

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? I definitely couldn’t go alone. I’d take my mom and brother. When was the last time you had a house party? I had one for my birthday about 4 years ago. Do you like bread sticks? Yeah. Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No. I wear leggings all year long. Do you know what Je means in French? “I.” Do you prefer analogue or digital clocks? Digital. What state were you born in? California. How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 10 minutes from the hospital. Do you have a weak stomach? Yes. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes. Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? Maybe. Have you ever been to an art gallery? Yep, a few. Do you visit your town’s library often? No. What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? It’s been awhile, I don’t recall. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom. ^What did you talk about? She was just telling me something real quick. How was the last chicken you ate cooked? It was chicken tenders. What colors are on your country’s national flag? Red, white, and blue. What is so appealing about ‘Twilight’? I was into it back when it first came out. I don’t know, I just got sucked (ha) into the whole Vampire thing and I’m already a sucker for the romance. Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? No. What state is Harvard in? Massachusetts.  What is your favorite kind of chip? Doritos. What grade did you have your first boyfriend? 10th. Have you ever been told that you’ve lost weight? Yes. I hear that a lot. Do you have the same political views as your parents? With a lot of things, but not everything. If you could, would you hook up with the last person you texted? Uh, no. That is my dad. Do you do your own laundry? No. How many months until your birthday? It’s next month. What are you listening to? An ASMR video. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? No thanks. It’s also almost 3AM, so I’m not going anywhere. Do you like winter time? Yesss. What kind of bottoms are you wearing? Leggings. Was the last thing you drank an alcoholic beverage? No, it was water. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? My mom. Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone? Cell. I never use the house phone anymore. What were you doing at 10 AM? It hasn’t been 10AM, yet. Would you have sex with someone you had known less than twenty-four hours? No. Are you excited about anything? No. Does anyone call you babe/baby? No. Are you wearing a ring, if so, who gave it to you? Nope. Have you ever made a significant other cry? Yes. :/ What were you doing before this survey? Another one. How old will you be on your next birthday? 30. D: Do you think it makes him weak when a guy cries? No, of course not. Are they not humans with emotions, too? If you could make your lips bigger, would you? I kinda wish my top lip was a little bigger, but no I wouldn’t get fillers. What color is your underwear? Black and hot pink. How often do you drink soda? I only use soda now to take my medicine because I have to crush it and it’s the best thing for me to take it with because the taste isn’t as bad. At least not for my pain medication. Other medications I’ve had to take were absolutely disgusting. Anyway, apart from that I haven’t had a soda in over a year. :O I used to drink one a day. Now, I just get a pack of bottled sodas and 1 bottle will last me about a week. I use a pill crusher that comes with a little cup, so I’m basically just having a shot of soda a few times a day. Be honest, do you miss your ex? I miss Joseph sometimes. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? At this very moment, nothing. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? No. Mac or PC? Mac. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Yeah. Well, more so drinks.  Are you prone to illness? Yes, 

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

Head Storm.

If i don't take minute to write these things down they just weigh so heavy. where do i begin.

i'm frustrated.

sometimes its like a repeating nightmare. Its me and brian and we are on a 13 hour flight to Germany. this double decker plane is huge and filled with strangers and i cant see their faces. i know our destination is a long way away. im tired. and there we are in the middle row. u next to me and me on the isle. We're sharing your blue ipod with music i never really listen to and this is the moment im stuck in.

for a minute my body goes into drive. at first you think the dream would play out as i remember, but this isnt a memory its a dream and now that im more aware- more awake within the dream; im always asking myself.

why am i here? wheres juan? wheres julian? (thats right this is a dream/ im sleeping)

and i realize im meant to doo something. and i go and look at brian and its not the same. i can barely see his face and i no longer remeber the sound of his voice. its as if im stuck in my seat.

the dream is almost paused- as i struggle to put these pieces of the real memory back together. its like im waiting. im waiting for brian to speak first. im just sitting here. on this plane.

i went to russia in 2005. the trip was from philly airport to germany than germany to russia.

it was for a youth peace team mission. we met up with kids our age over there and talked about religion and life. it wasnt just us two- we had a team of our friends and it was amazing.

It was the first time i had left the country- it was the first time i had flown without my mom. first time i felt homesick. the first time i saw how big the world really is. how there is so much to see and so much going on. it was an experience.

i never knew Demisexual was a thing. (The term 'demisexual' comes from the concept being described as being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. ... The gray-A spectrum usually includes individuals who very rarely experience sexual attraction; they experience it only under specific circumstances.)

i didnt even know what sexual was- i was young naive and anything i did know about sex and beauty most likely came from the wrong place. i managed to get all the way to freshman year of highschool without really relationships that included sexual and non sexual.

freshman year was horrible. i was the new girl becuase i didnt attend the same middle school as the other kids and my prior school was MUCH smaller than the highschool i went to. but i was excited for the change. i asked for the change.

its easy to say "well idk?" when u have lack of experience. Idk why i was single so long. idk why i never wanted a bf. idk why i have never kissed anyone idk? idk? idk? (...now i know) my first thoughts were always like omg maybe noone wanted to kiss me? maybe im the weird one. less desired. not wanted. i was the problem. i imagined my body was less than perfect and i guess my attitude and demenor wasnt the dating type (lies) i just felt weird and alone.

sometimes people cant make a sexual connection unless they have an emotional connection with someone as well. it isnt prude it isnt wierd its just how it works (literally) the better and more i get to know you i can finally start feeling any real connection at all especially sexually.

this new demisexual wasnt even a thing until i was half way through my twenties...THAT and pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) people would ask "well whats ur type?!" idk id say?? i didnt even realize internally i found both sexs appealing. not even just sexs just ANYone. hearts not parts we say now.

i was basiclly lost ,frustrated and didnt understand a damn thing about myself.

brian and i were friends. we went to the same church- we lived in the same town. our families knew each other. it was a very safe space for me. i didnt think brian liked me. ( i didnt think ANYONE liked me; that way anyway) i had guy friends i had girl friends i just felt like we were all at the same level. most my girl friends had kissed people, most had bfs; same with the guys. i just didnt... it wasnt that i didnt like brian- i just had no idea what any of this stuff was. how to even begin "liking someone" i wasnt stupid - i was scared? i felt scared. worried that becase i hadnt had the experiences - that i wasnt good at ANY of it. i got to know brian because he was around. youth group trips and church events ; school- we were always hanging around each other.

i was never a physical person. honestly self pleasure was the only pleasure i knew and i thought id be going to hell for masturbating so theres that complex. a secret i held tight forever.

i didnt know the more i talked and was around brian i would fall inlove with him. people SAYYY that- but in my world it was a must. it was inevitable. as long as he was open with me and vulnerable- i began to want him.

he was my first kiss. and he let me kiss him. it might of seemed innocent ( i mean it was really) but it was big for me. the only person in the world i had let in. and he was ready to reak havoc on my new world. kisses lead to make outs- making out lead to sex- and that was that. id say i was his or he was mine but i guess we were each others. i wasnt ready to do this with anyone else. i didnt think i even could. it took so long for brian to become this person for me. i was..postive; id make this love last a life time. but that wasnt the case it was a rocky 3 years but at the end of it i personally learned alot.

i still didnt know all that i said above. on my rocky one relationship road... i was frustrated. i didnt know these things existed and while life seemed easy for brian- it was not for me. i struggled and argued with myself resulting in very poor communication with brian leading to only end in sight. if i wasnt making an emotional connection with my person then it had to be the opposite; i wasnt interested at all. almost the opposite- i felt nothing.

i let the hurt find its way in- i let it block any form of fix. the emotions were turned off. and the result was sexless.

i went on a rampage and found a random lover. Peter was ..peter. i didnt know him prior to meeting him- i barely knew much about him at all. all i knew was i was numb and needed to feel again. ( now if only i had known who i was i would of tried to build and talk through these emotions, break some walls down. reopen the lines. reconnect and succeed. but i didnt know that. all i knew was i was hurting and i nolonger had my person- i wanted to feel again.) i wouldnt even say i was attracted to peter. i really wasnt "looking" at all. i wasnt looking with my eyes or my heart.

i was already pretty good at hurting myself just plain jane. but this was a whole different world. what if i could just have sex and not care. just do it and live. just feel something. and i did it. i found peter and yeah we had sex. i was postive i didnt want a relationship ( i was heading down the wrong road in the wrong direction WITH no directions) it was a mess. a mess that didnt last long (thankfully)

i look back at it now and would like to have lunch with peter. although im sure im a spek of nothing in his life stream; he was a pretty big rock in mine. mainly to say sorry. sorry for using him. more sorry that i had no intentions at all. i was a shell of person and im sorry he never got the chance to meet the true me. cuz im not that person at all. and i think he was geniune and we could of learned alot from each other.

i am 30 years old now and still to this day brian and peter are the only people ive slept with except my current husband.

ive trusted 2 (brian and juan) of those souls with my heart. my whole heart. ive been with them to the extent i lost myself. my body has craved them and known them. and they will forever have a piece of me. they took with them what insecurities i had and threw them out the window. i was engulfed and loved and it didnt stop. i had alot of sex with brian as i currently have alot of sex with juan (my husband)

if i had known who i was then i would of talked to more people. resulting in more meaningful connections. resulting in more stories and experiences to tell about. girls guys gays all different kinds of souls i would of touched and danced with. but i didnt know what i know now.

time has given me the learning ive neeeded and now i know alot.

as my nightmare continues its me and brian sitting on a 13 hour plane. i want to ask him how he is, and what hes doing. what other souls hes experienced and what life is like for him now. we would laugh and joke and unerstand that life goes on and although we are not lovers any longer we wouldnt be who we are without having known each other. on this plane its noone but us. reality doesnt hit because its just a distraction and we just want to catch up.

its like a clock is ticking and were anxious. as if he too knows this is a dream, a mear astroprojection into a memory. and noone talks. we both stay silent. its almost like i cant breathe.. its almost like im drowning.

i havent spoken to brian in atleast 10 years possibly. not a single word. across the universe is a soul i once loved wholefully and now were strangers. i think a piece of me hurts still today. like a lost limb. how can i go through life and succeed at only making connections that count when my first connection is fried and dead.

how do i begin to process the things i now understand when one small piece of me is gravitating through space.

i was told not to long ago that you are infact alive. simply living- trying to stay to urself.

as this new person i am. as i am learning and growing. you were a big part of who i was- i wish u could see who ive become. my soul acknowledges your absence and i am aware of it.

i hope love and light find you on ur dark days. and that you follow that light to become whoever you are meant to be.

[mattyslittleworld]

dead mans coffee

July / 2020

Just woke up in my front seat, at a rest stop in Tennessee. First thing I saw was my ALL WILL SUFFER tattoo on my leg. A constant reminder of a different person. Tomorrow I’m getting coffee with Skrillex’s right hand man in Nashville, and I’m nursing a cold coffee in the heat watching this crazy lightning shoot across the skyline. It looks like the end of the world. Or some fucked up Lucero song. I must’ve pulled over for a second and closed my eyes and just dropped dead for hours while parked, I’m on the way to my hotel. 

I am sitting in a diner on broadway in Nashville, TN. Nursing another shitty coffee booking meetings. As the texts come in I ignore them because they are covering the screen and distracting me from reading and studying how to properly sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads In Mississippi. 

Clarksdale, Mississippi

12:30 am

Where Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, and now, Matty Carlock, sold their souls to the devil. 

December / 2020

Sitting in my home, in Hollywood, CA. I have the window open, and I hear the subtle sound of LA breathing, cars passing on the boulevard, sirens off in the distance, and a vinyl record of mine spinning at the lowest volume possible for me to still hear yet ignore it. I feel calm and at peace, although, it seems like a parallel feeling is war, confusion, imposter syndrome, abandonment, and skeptical. How could these two umbrellas of emotion coexist? Its very interesting. Ive been recording so much music that has nothing to do with my artist project. Its been liberating to put that aside for something greater. A new focus. Leaving artistry a vessel solely for extreme self expression and cathartic release. 

July / 2020

Winding the day down, 10:30pm. With an open tab that reads “Tigers Jaw holiday show” - on pause. I open my Mac book on my couch, ready to go through stems and ratchet strip club beats, and it catches my eye. I press play and it leads me down a rabbit hole. I find myself watching “Never Saw It Coming” right into “Chemicals” / live in Boston. Like lightning it struck through my entire body. Maybe it was the 2 hour long conversation with Andy? And the memories we were trading. The bond we have over hard times, innocence, violence, literal blood on the pavement, years of freezing in the winter....nowhere to go. The people that were around - we made forever memories to these two songs. I right away, made a playlist that consists of “The Sun, I Saw Water, Chemicals, Never Saw It Coming, and Planes”. On top of that I found the live acoustic set they recorded and put out. When I was young on DIY tours, sleeping on floors, dirty as shit, poor as shit, a human being at the very best.....the uncertainty of my near future was so bleak. I remember Title Fight came out with their record “Shed” - and the song “where am I?” would lay me down on long drives, or on the floor. I’d watch white lines pass one by one by one into the abyss of nothing. 

The line 

“Another floor

A different ceiling than the night before

Where am I?

While you’re back home”

Missing my girlfriend at that current time, leaving, and just laying on a strangers floor thinking where am I while you’re back home? What am I doing? Maybe there’s nothing only this moment?

On the tigers jaw live EP they covered this acoustic and it’s everything right now. I am fortunate to live a block away from the sunset strip - and I grabbed my skateboard and just bolted into the night. 

This SO SPECIFIC FEELING of these songs. That nobody in this environment will ever understand. It’s so beautiful. It’s so real. It’s so raw. It’s exactly what I need right now - as the past 3 weeks I’ve been living here have moved faster than the past 4 years. A loss of identity easily awaits you. It’s like you fight your whole life for that moment, to get to where you dream of, to get a shot. Scrape and crawl. And then reset. Since I’ve been living in Hollywood my day to day has been a huge mirror for me. The parts of myself I’ve been trying out run have caught me. Maybe all of this could coexist? 

March 2nd / 2021

Spring is here. Its 75 degrees in LA and theres this new thing I noticed while driving around…..the overbearing smell of flowers in the air. It sounds like a movie. Its fucked up cause It felt like a funeral in my car. I was like what the fuck is happening? It smells like a small funeral in here….are my dreams dying? Am I dying? Is punk dead? Okay its just a Ryan gosling movie out here I guess. Whatever lets go. Here’s some hatrebreed. But the windows are down. My mood is different. My spirit is lifted, which ive been desperate to say. I automatically get punched in the guts with the feeling of driving so fucking fast, and blasting title fight. Skateboarding. Looooooooooong drives with fucked up friends to out of state shows no one will be at. Im listening to Stab by Title Fight - off the Shed LP. What a specific time in my life this brings back. That I usually talk about on this little throw up blog often. Spring is such a pivotal time in my life every year. Since covid shows stopped - human decency stopped - community stopped - my natural habitat was taken from me, and all of my friends and family. I remember living in New York in 2011. At the New Yorker. I was studying at the Institute Of Audio Research to be a janitor in my home town. Because that’s what they teach you. Instead of studying compression, and listening to washed up hacks talk to me about music, I would walk out my building onto 8th ave. B Line it Penn Station. Get on the LIRR and ride that shit right into the best LI shows every night I could. Id meet all my friends from Jersey / NYC / Philly and even Baltimore because it was so common to make it a priority to no matter what, drive hours on end to support a hardcore shows and to not lose touch with the hundreds around the country that you call family. Drive to Richmond for a shows on a Monday night, go off, hit a diner after with your new found tribe, then drive home, be back at 6 am, and just stumble into your bullshit job with a black eye or scratches all over you. It was all worth it. Probably quit that job anyway to go on tour with your friends band and live as gypsies for the entire summer too. Spring embodies this spirit for me. Church parking lots in Doylestown, PA - full of kids from all over the country, who left their problems in their hometown, to just get on the road with their best friends and basically start a new life. It is just amazing how formative those years were for a lot of my friends. I have people I met at shows from all over the country messaging me always checking in, and supporting, and sometimes it feels like I know them better than my first cousins, aunts and uncles. We were at war together. We fought against the world together. We found ourselves together. We created shit from nothing. Determination and passion. Oh no….Planes by Tigers Jaw just came on. You know the vibe. This shit just hits so different now as a pop / hip hop producer. This PA scene, mixed with NJHC, just stood me up and gave me confidence to have my own voice, my own thoughts, and to fight back. Something about being in a shitty car and it smells like dirty vans and like…..axe to cover up the smell. BELTING Basement and car moshing and almost driving off a bridge. Listen. I know every single blog is about this. But fuck you fight me. ITS CALLED SELF EXPRESSION GRANDMA. SO STRAP INTO YOUR BOOT THINGS AND ENJOY THE RIDE TO NOWHERE. Its been crazy living in LA. I live directly on Hollywood BLVD, on the Walk Of Fame. Where I was almost killed two weeks ago over someones gang that my ass is not in. My guy looked at me and said YO YOU MATTY? And I was listening to Taylor swift in my headphones walking back from Starbucks and it was so funny how different my energy was. I was like bro can you kill me already dude because these Taylor tones are so good that they gunna just end up killing me anyway. So perfect timing. I think the guy was mad at my friend to say the least lol. But every night its loud 808’s, the sounds of the city, amazing energy, and neon lights shining in from lit up billboards off the BLVD. Its such a culture shock for me. I feel like im too aggressive just from being east coast. But its just what it is. It took me a little to adapt to being in sessions and meetings with seasoned people in this industry who have major cuts and recognition. But I just learned to double down on myself, and be as authentic as I possibly can be. Theres nothing like crushing writing sessions in the pop realm, then turning off my shit, unplugging, and run into the night with my skateboard and old punk records. It’s almost like my own secret that is becoming my blood. I haven’t been communicating with the ones who like my music, have interest in what im doing, come to my shows etc - since I touched down here….I just unplugged….started writing HEAVY and decided to dedicate months to getting better, learning, becoming smarter, discovering a vision that’s much broader than what were sold, finding myself, making sure my wisdom is parallel to my age - if not wise beyond my years. A lot of artists and bands SING, PLAY, PERFORM, PROMOTE. But I have decided to WATCH, ATTEND, and LISTEN. Everynight I sit down with tea, unplug, and spin records on my turntable…in the dark, in my living room, alone….all kinds of records. From The National, to Springsteen, to Title Fight, to Hendrix, to the rare Troublemaker LP and 7” I have…..Sharon Van Etten, Jesse Malin…..ugh. Its just bliss. Pure bliss. Right now im drinking coffee and bouncing from listening to Into It Over It and American Football. I spent all last night rapping my ass off, mixing, and singing ref vocals for other people. It was so fun. Im finding a lot of my new material is this spirit im talking about - but over hip hop production. I want to tell my life story and combat the stereotypes of modern rap and pop music with true intentions and unique tones of untold stories that press, radio, and this market usually doesn’t get fed. Ive also realized a lot of music I was promoting over the past year to come out (prior to the pandemic) hasn’t come out….and I know people are questioning that….what is happening? So before covid I had German solo dates booked - and then I was going to the UK right after. I have a bunch of single drops lined up with music videos. Some you can guess with who. And then the pandemic hit and I canceled everything and decided to pivot my focus into my passion for songwriting and production, instead of sitting around “waiting for shows to come back.” I pretended that shows were never going to come back and doubled down on my career as a producer, that at the time, still is, moving forward at a faster rate than my artist shit. So I packed my shit after offers, and opportunity presented themselves. Touched down on a Tuesday, with meetings that Friday. Off to the races. In sessions that following Monday. Fast forward here we are. Hungry, learning, learnt, turned 30. Looking at the next decade like Mcgregor at the weigh in. Fight ready. Ive learned so much since the fall that all of the music I had planned on releasing, I loaded it back up, tore it apart, and re built it. So its not stale, so its not expired, so its not “then”….so its NOW. Which im so glad I did, and im doing. I don’t think ive been in the booth more. My mind is so stimulated by this wave im on. And its got me in a good place. Now that the spirit of spring is here, my mental health is going to be taking a big leap as well and im going to do everything I can to just flood all of this content. I think Never Meant by American Football is the best song ever made. Me and Mike were talking about doing a song together a few months ago and that would be such a trip for me. 

I wanted to talk about my recent trip to Joshua Tree. I was invited by Christopher Thorn from Blind Melon to live at his studio for a few days to write together. I didn’t really know what to expect. I met him once or twice thru Clinch, and just around the Sea Hear Now circle back east, and I was familiar with No Rain (his hit). We got on the phone, picked a weekend where it’d work for both of us, got some covid tests, and boom. Packed my shit again (right off a flight back from New York, where I shot 3 music videos, and did 1 remote session in 2 fucking days), and drove out to the desert. There is no address so I had a map. It was epic. It was in the desert desert. Like THE DESERT FAM. Coyotes at night, snakes and shit. The air was so dry, your lips would get chapped to let you know death was right around the corner so you better man up baby boy. Beforehand - from all the traveling and flights, and burning myself out on videos and sessions, I found myself listening to a lot of acoustic Nebraska Springsteen type shit. John Moreland, or even like acoustic bayside, Lucero, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits…..just pure music with no samples, not gridded, not sold, no machine, no click, just real live country music inspired by the human condition….of the earth. It was just speaking to my soul…..so when we booked this to get in the room together….man was I ready. I don’t think ive had an experience so fruitful to the soul. And ive played shows in Slovenia, and sipped espresso on a bridge that looked like a painting, staring at subtle mountain tops off in the distance like I was a character in some book. We started working at night and ran it up till like 3 am. As the sun came down the lights off in the distance miles and miles away were so clear because we were just the only life form around….and it would just shine into the studio windows and reflect on the perimeter making it seem like we were surrounded by New York City. It did a lot for my soul to play drums, acoustic, sing, play piano, shred electric, even mix a little. I felt like I made a very fast lifelong friend. Its been a minute since I got on with someone like that. We talked a lot about growing up touring. And wed finish each others sentences regarding topics that ONLY people like us would know. Like Subway being a life line for DIY touring, or the weird strange feelings of comfort from rest stops in the middle of nowhere at 4 am, the rest stop coffee that you get to just make the next 2 hours of the drive into town bearable. But then you see your boy from your band in the other aisle so you throw shit at him. Then you all stumble back into the van/bus and just disappear into the night. This shit was so needed for me. When Id wake up, id make espresso, and just sit out front and listen to Joe Rogan, at this random chair that was behind his studio, facing the mountains. Just endless property waiting to leave you 6 feet in the ground. I sat there and sipped my espresso, and just reflected on the long journey of my career. How many random moments like this ive found myself in since I was 15. In the middle of the desert where Springsteen hangs out with my heroes, off the strength of my songwriting. Or in Romania drinking coffee, fucked off, on a bench far from the venue, by random train lines in the pouring rain by myself. The farthest from humanity I can be. Or the random VFW hall in my head that I don’t even know where it is, with my little punk crew, who all smell like complete shit and cigarettes and soda, fucked off god knows where, just to finger point and sing along to this band we found on myspace that were in OUR hometown the weekend prior singing to our band. Theres just an endless string of memories that can go on forever, with stories that just fulfill a lifetime, of conversations that just make the white lines on I95 move faster. Or just everyone is quiet - reading a book - texting - exhausted from the night prior - and you just ABRUPTLY turn on teenage dream by Katy Perry SOOOO LOUD - take your shirt off and start dropping it like its hot from the passenger front seat, and catch a mid afternoon front flip stage dive into the backseat. From those youthful days of this underground spirit, to existing in a realm of pure monsters of my craft, I truly believe this next decade could co exist and be one for the books. Damn I feel good. Also me and Sasso started a book club called BSU and you can’t be in it because you probably read books and the only rule for our book club besides not speaking about book club is, you can’t read books. Okay im going to go buy a bike right now so I can ride It to Mexico and get abducted by the cartel and sold for bitcoin. FAREWELL EARTHLINGZ. 

[danieltrent]

4, 10, 12, 17, 19, 25, 26, 34, 36, 40, 41, 45, 56, 60, 64?

thanks sweet anon. i should really be finishing off this other message to t but whatever, this can come first.

4.What is your favorite word?pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. 

10.What were you doing at midnight last night?uhm, probably watching the first half of Fracture (2007), it’s about this guy who killed his wife and basically confesses and it’s really obvious and everything, but then everything is inadmissable. main reason i came across it was because Ryan Gosling is actually a pretty decent actor when he’s not a “pretty boy”.

12.Who told you they loved you last?probably my dad? i cant remember why, he just does at the end of some calls and stuff. it was a couple weeks ago or something.

17.You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?assuming i have to press the button? because im not sure if i would, given the choice (although my apathy to death makes that a wildcard so who knows). but if I had to, I’d go for ex-douche hands down. easy.

19.If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?you know.

but anyway, donald trump, and id command him to permanently and everlastingly shut the hell up.

25.You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?see, do I have to spend it? because realistically, I’d keep it in my pocket, when I get home I’d empty my pockets onto my bedside table, the note would get buried under the other stuff there, and I’d rediscover it ages later.

but no, assuming I have to spend it that day? i might get that computer mouse I’ve been planning to get for like, two years now. which happens to be in the close vicinity of $100.

26.You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?uh, just visiting? Manchester, for sure. i miss those guys and i think itd be nice to spend some time with them again - although one of the main guys are in Italy at the moment so hopefully I’m there long enough for him to get back.

34.What was your last dream about?i dunno, last night was a bit vague, and i didnt like it (possibly because its why i slept in). also, daydreams dont count as dreams so im not doing that.

36.Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah! when i was like 6 or 7 when i was at soccer training for this nearby club, one of the other kids accidentally kicked the ball into my chest, i got winded and passed out for a minute or something. they checked me into the hospital just to check that everything was fine.

other than that, I’ve been to A&E in Manchester (Accidents & Emergencies) when I was having some breathing problems as a side effect of my antidepressants. i turned out perfectly fine, but it involved waking a friend up at 3am to walk with me to the hospital just in case. that was nice.

40.Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?neither really, or whatever turns out better on a camera? i dont appreciate views unless it looks good as a photo. you can be as annoyed as you want about that, that’s just how i appreciate my surroundings. but sunsets probably look better - I took a really good shot of a sunset at Asila, Morocco.

41.What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i dunno, i dont really have one, and it depends on my mood? I like banana or mango milkshakes if i want a fruity one, or cookies and cream if i want a sweeter one.

45.If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?one thing? because that’s a good toss up between my skin condition (””””eczema””””) and depression, with my hearing problem and my all-but-confirmed ADD running up.

56.What do you like on your toast?i dunno? i dont really have toast with anything often. butter? or peanut butter and jam? but that’s better on untoasted bread.

60.Do you believe in aliens?yeah, course i believe in myself.

64.What do you think about babies?“ohhh my god that baby is so cute!” “shes beautiful!” like, sure, but i dont see it. but then again, this dude (me) has way too many feelings when they shouldn’t be there, and no feelings where its normal to have them.

[twopedalpushers]

Travel Update #7

The End of the Road - A Reflection

About 18 months ago I pinned a world map to my bedroom wall in North Wales. I had wanted to travel for a while, I didn’t take a gap year between my studies and went tirelessly from school to college to university to a few years of full time employment without a break. Long story short, I was bored, craved adventure and happened to be middle class and privileged enough to be able to quit my job, sell my possessions and go on a big walkabout.

18 months ago I had little idea as to where I wanted to go. I didn’t know what kind of experience I wanted to have. I didn’t put much thought into how these experiences would shape the person that I am today. I remember when I sat in front of that big world map with Max and drew a crude line through Central & South America in a dried up red whiteboard marker and first discussed the idea of travelling that line by bicycle.

Since then, I’ve travelled 4000km in 6 months, over 4 countries and two continents - all by bike. I changed location nearly everyday. My bicycle weighed more than I did. Most days I woke up at 5am, cycled around 70km and climbed over 2000m of elevation. I repeated this routine day after day. I got to enjoy the true beauty, magnitude and power of the Andes. I learnt a new language. I got fit and lost 8 kgs in the process. I discovered a love for particularly awful reggaeton and garishly patterned shirts.

Away from the pace of my normal life in the UK; I was anticipating that I would learn a little more about myself. Naively before I spun my pedals for the first time back in Costa Rica, I thought I would be learning about light hearted subject matter, such as the kind of company that I would like to work for upon my return to London.

What I didn’t know back then was that cycling in this relentless manner strips you to your absolute core!

What I learnt most about was how I cope with extreme fatigue, pressure and exhaustion (the answer is not so well!) And that I have a tendency to jump headfirst into challenges without thinking too deeply about what they entail. In hindsight, it was an incredibly insane decision to cycle through the longest mountain range on the planet having never cycle-toured before in my life. I hadn’t even owned a geared bike since I was about 10 years old.

I have no regrets about any of this and despite finding the trip the most exhausting holiday of all time, I highly, highly recommend cycle-touring! Every ounce of effort that I put into cycling; I was rewarded with breathtaking views and dramatic scenery. Reaching a milestone or a border crossing was emotional as I had spent days, weeks or months and literally climbed mountains to get there.

Cycle-touring pushed the boundaries of my mental and physical endurance and I now feel confident in my ability to accomplish any challenge that life throws at me. Not a lot (in my opinion) can be harder than cycling my 70kg bike up 10% gradient hills in the rain all day everyday (yes I’m talking about you, Ecuador).

I spent so much time outdoors with so few possessions that I have a new found appreciation for small luxuries such as a sleeping in a comfy bed, wearing clean clothes and taking baths whenever I please.

The slow nature of travelling by bicycle is awe-inspiring. I know in detail entire stretches of the countries that we crossed and I have a deep understanding of how both the landscape and culture shift with this progression. I saw the big, glitzy cities and the stark, poverty stricken reality of the locals lives outside of them. This is something I never would have seen travelling by bus from one tourist hotspot to another. We spent so much time in each country that after a while, they started to feel like home.

I know that my experience cycle-touring will be something that I remember for the rest of my life and mentally revisit whenever I want to feel inspired.

Two months ago I woke up everyday with little idea as to where I would be sleeping that night and had the freedom to go wherever I pleased. My world was so big! Fast-forward to now and my world encompasses my parents house and a few kilometres surrounding it. This shift has been a huge mental challenge for me. I spent a lot of time whilst on the trip thinking about all of the amazing places that I would soon be visiting, so its been hard accepting that I will no longer be cycling the Peru Divide or through the Salt Flats in Bolivia or the Atacama Desert in Chile. Unfortunately, a few weeks after returning to the UK, me and Max split up, so I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that the person that I shared my cycle-touring experiences with, will not be part of my life going forwards.

After spending 6 months on the move, in lockdown I have started to discover that there is elegance in staying still. Travel is really just a means of filling your life with distractions - albeit new, picturesque and adventurous ones.

In the quietness of the past couple of months, I’ve learnt more about who I am and what I want out of life than during my entire trip. This time that we have for introspection and self improvement at the moment is priceless. It’s something that can’t be bought with a plane ticket and a bicycle.

I thought I would round off my blog with a some of my favourite, memorable moments. Im not sure how relevant these will be for you guys (sorry!) I just wanted to write them all down somewhere so that I don’t forget!

Here goes:

Looking down on Medellín, Colombia from high up in the mountains, lit up in the darkness. I had spent 12 hours cycling uphill that day to get there. Then spent an hour and a half descending. My hands ached the next day from holding my brakes- thats how steep it was.

Everyone applauding a beautiful sunset on the beach in Salvador, Brazil.

Swimming in the sea around the San Blas islands in Panama and seeing dolphins under the water. 

Cycling up to a viewing point in Jacó, Costa Rica. Looking down on the bay and the jungle beneath and seeing a flock of red parrots fly above the rainforest canopy.

Cycling through Cotopaxi National Park in Ecuador and camping near Volcán Cotopaxi. 

Getting soaked to the bone by the tropical storms everyday in Costa Rica and Panama. Attempting to dry out my shoes every night became a ritual.

The importance of always having a supply of peanut butter and the joy of finding a rare jar in a supermarket. It was like gold dust. 

Camping on Lauras floor in Popayán, Colombia.

Limonada all day everyday in Colombia. 

Seeing sloths in Manuel Antonio National Park, Costa Rica.

Arriving into the town of Salento, Colombia and cycling up a hill so steep that people in the town clapped and cheered once I reached the top. 

Getting my bike stuck in the mud after a storm in San Onofre, Colombia. The bus drove past and refused to let us on because both us and our bikes were so muddy. We were stranded.

Helados everyday in Ecuador.

The pure joy of finding pasta sauce (not ketchup) in a supermarket. This was also like gold dust.

Camping next to waterfalls at Cascadas Condor Machay, Ecuador.

Getting my scuba diving license in Coveñas, Colombia.

Camping on a volleyball pitch near Alausí, Ecuador.

Crossing the bridge of the Americas in Panama and completing the Central American section of the trip.

Cycling to our highest altitude - 40009m above sea level in Ecuador.

The smell of rotting animals that had been hit by cars on the Panamericana in Panama.

Seeing the Champions Parade at the Sambadromo in Rio de Janeiro during Carnival.

How beautiful the cycle route was during the 3/4 day journey into Medellín, on an abandoned road.

Swimming in Guatapé Lake, Colombia.

Experiencing a Colombian black hairdressers (to get my hair re-braided). Damn they’re loud.

How near the end of the trip, getting chased by dogs was such a regular occurrence that it didn’t bother me anymore.

Seeing crocodiles sunbathing next to a river in Costa Rica 

The cycle into Baños, Ecuador, near Volcán Tungurahua.

Camping in an old lady’s garden in Colombia because we had run out of time that day to get to the next town. She lived in a wooden shack, with a dirt floor and slept in a hammock.

Blocos at Copacabana beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, during Carnival.

Looking out across endless misty fields of frailjones, in El Angel National Park, Ecuador.

[fluentlanguage]

Women in Language TICKETS ARE HERE For 7-10 March 2019

Just over 16 months ago, Lindsay Williams (my podcast co-host) and I were chatting on Skype. It was October or November. I remember the day turning into night at what felt like 4 in the afternoon on my side of the world, while Lindsay was getting ready for her day.

We were chatting about a few ideas for the future, when she mentioned this one thing that made my heart explode with excitement.

“So I’m thinking of maybe doing a one day event on International Women's’ Day with loads of female language people speaking...wouldn’t that be cool?! I can’t do it this year though because I’ll still be away but…”

I didn’t need to hear any more. I was like STOP IT RIGHT THERE I AM IN!!

Lindsay had just spoken an idea that had been growing in my brain, too. And I’m not a patient kinda girl so I wasn’t going to let Lindsay’s round-the-world trip stand in the way of an amazing idea. We contacted Shannon Kennedy and asked “would you maybe be interested…”.

Shannon was a yes. The organising team was ready, and few months down the line we shared the news with the world that we’d be hosting Women in Language in March 2018.

The event was a massive success! (Read my full debrief if you want to know what I learnt and how we pulled it off.)

Over the last year, we continued to work on our list of speakers and our background preparations. And now, we’re ready to bring you WOMEN IN LANGUAGE 2019!

If you were at last year’s event, you’ll know what to expect.

But if not, I know you’re curious. I asked writer Cassie Wright who was at Women in Language to share what it was like for her. Here’s Cassie’s story:

Conference Experience: What Cassie Thought Of The Language Conference

Once, when I was 9 years old, I tried to tell everyone I knew that in Finnish, you could make whole sentences into one super long word.

How awesome, right?

Unfortunately, my school friends were a lot less enthusiastic about my latest language tip. In fact, I was surprised to find that they didn’t really care at all.

Even at that age, I had two binders dedicated to languages, each full of vocabulary: one labeled ‘Finnish’ and another labeled ‘Japanese’. I was fascinated by languages and it stood out just as much as my mop of curly hair in a classroom full of long, straight locks. I was a language nerd at heart, though no one else seemed to have the same sort of passion.

Despite the fact that my friends didn’t care about my Finnish facts, I was proud of my attempts and motivation to learn. I never got very far, but I was always confident in my abilities.

"Japanese?" People would ask, “Isn’t that hard?”

I would just nod and grin.

But eventually, going it alone became too much of a challenge and the things other people told me were more important took over.

Still, languages followed me through both high school and college. Without fail, each time I tried to start again, I couldn’t find the drive to keep going.

Then, years later when I tried once more, I found an entire blog dedicated to learning languages. It was a lot different from the sites I’d seen before that featured big name polyglots and sold all kinds of "easy tricks".

That’s when I came across an announcement on my Twitter feed for Women in Language.

It caught my attention immediately, not only because there were so many women prepared to talk about their language experiences, but because it was all online. The only thing I needed to attend was a ticket for the event, which meant the cost of plane rides and hotels wasn’t an issue.

When I bought my ticket to Women in Language that day, I didn’t realize how much it would change my approach to language learning.

It’s not just about languages. It’s about representation.

Learning a language is the goal, but how do you do it with a busy schedule? Kids? How do you find the courage to pick up and move to another country? How do you immerse yourself when that’s not possible?

How amazing would it be to learn about those things from someone in your place: women of all different races and backgrounds with a variety of experiences.

This is what I really gained from Women in Language and it gave me a sense of validation.

Here were a number of talented women who gladly shared their knowledge and ideas. I saw in them my own language learning dreams, only this time, it wasn’t some unrealistic goal.

In this community of multilingual women, I felt I could proudly hold onto my vocabulary-filled binders with my mess of curly hair and say, "Hey! I’m one of you, too. I see myself here."

Women in Language brings that community of learners forward and inspires them to keep going.

More than anything, it’s a breath of fresh air for those who need a place to share a common interest and belong.

GET YOUR TICKET TO WOMEN IN LANGUAGE!

This year, we are proud to announce that there are EVEN MORE presentations at Women in Language. There’s so much more happening – including 2 Panel Discussions and a chance for YOU to present, a prize draw worth over $1000, and daily fun activities for everyone.

Ready for it?

Women in Language is happening live and online over 4 days from Thursday 7th March to Sunday 10th March 2019.

If you can’t make it on those dates, you can catch up at any time since your ticket purchase gets you access to all recordings for as long as you like.

Everyone is welcome (the ‘women’ in Women in Language only refers to the line-up of speakers!) and we’d love to have you join us for the live event. Click below to get your ticket now for Women in Language 2019.

To join us, click here to purchase your ticket.

Are you coming to Women in Language? Leave a comment below and let me know!

[jonathanbelloblog]

By Design: 2020 Toyota Supra Styling Analysis

Let me quote something I wrote back in 2014 about the car that would become the precursor to Toyota’s new Supra—the FT-1 concept:

“In many ways, this car is a mess. An intriguing and attractive mess, yes, but a mess all the same. Lines don’t flow very well, details don’t really work, there are conflicting lines and surfaces, and there’s no coherent mechanical plan behind the non-running concept car seen in Detroit [at the 2014 auto show]. But go back to the 50 words in the preceding and note the one that counts: attractive.”

For all its oddities and awkwardness, the FT-1’s styling exercise appealed to a wide range of observers, including the most important one, Akio Toyoda, the CEO of Toyota who pushed the concept to production five years later. Our own omniscient Georg Kacher told us long ago Toyota was working with BMW on a joint-venture sports car. So instead of what I described five years ago as “a three-dimensional sketch,” which is all the FT-1 was, we now have a reasonably priced GT car that’s still a mess stylistically. And still very attractive.

So let’s look at why this basic five-year-old design is so appealing, despite the conflicts and confusion that definitely still exist in today’s Supra. Conflicts, it should be noted, that did not exist in the last A80 model of the Supra series (1993–2002), which was so sleek and well resolved that it was slightly boring. (I also seem to remember it was a little hard to move off dealer lots without financial incentives toward the end of its commercial life.) While that Supra was very nice, it lacked visual character or aggressiveness, which this A90 has in spades. Toyota’s Calty design team in Southern California infused the FT-1 with a lot of competition references. Those—and a few more—remain in the Supra. The brilliantly innovative outside mirror mounting scheme and what I called “the superb and imaginative cockpit” have been removed, presumably by the perpetually present bean counters who insist on economical mediocrity in car companies all over the world.

Despite the cost-saving simplifications imposed by practical reality, like suppressing the glass cover for the engine at the back of the long hood, plenty of drama remains. The Supra sports details like the double-bubble roof and a pair of big-bore, chromed exhaust pipes that supplant the overstyled outlets on the concept; the wheels are simpler and stronger-looking, and some of the excesses—the humped-up rear spoiler comes to mind here—have happily been retained. This is not a watered-down concept. Instead, it’s a producible version of a strong, controversial, and much-appreciated idea that resonated with a wide range of worldwide observers.

One of the intangible but vital aspects of a car’s total visual character is its ability to make you want—no, not just want, but fervently desire—to drive it. From the Detroit auto show feedback in 2014 and 2019, we’d say Toyota has a real winner on its hands.

1. The overhanging nose continued to the base plane on the FT-1, and its retention on this version with a big air intake below it recalls the first swept-wing jet fighter, the North American F-86 Sabre.

2. The slit-like inward extension of the headlamp opening carries through intact from the concept car, a nice visual feature unique to this model.

3. The hood remains quite high well past the front edges of the tires, largely because of European pedestrian safety standards. Then it bends downward to the remainder of the FT-1’s “coffin nose.”

4. The cowl is intriguing in that it is quite flat and straight in the center, dropping off in a generous radius at the outer edges.

5. One of the elements that I suspect most observers like is the double-bubble roof with its reduced frontal area channel through the central roof, where no headroom is needed inside.

6. One of the multiple visual mismatches is the quick-dropping upper window line and the very dissimilar humped-up roof profile.

7. A curious body detail I don’t recall ever having seen anywhere else is a separate piece of door skin forming the (nonfunctional) rear side air inlet, with a frank panel joint line running forward and down to the bottom of the door.

8. A black sill piece starts just behind a section of the fender that makes a visual connection with the painted bottom of the front fender ahead of the wheel opening. It then flows back into yet another F1-like trapezoidal fin for a total of six along the bottom of the body.

9. There’s a lot of complex surface action along the lower body side, with this crease dropping into a line beneath the actual door cut and continuing into the wheel opening.

10. … trapezoidal vertical fin that adheres to the lower corner of the fender.

11. What appears to be an F1-style front wing is actually of a piece with the black lower wing that turns up at its end to make a race car-like …

12. This quite direct intake for the radiator makes more sense than trying to control the flow from the sides toward a central cooling core.

1. The Supra’s forward-facing indent that turns and becomes an outlet looks good and provides a bit of detail to the driver’s eye.

2. Headlamp presentation is extremely well done and very strong graphically.

3. This is a nonfunctional vent (Toyota says it may be used in the future), but the shapes all around it are handsome and nicely modeled.

4. This slit extending the headlamp opening inward is especially effective visually for identification.

5. What appear to be race car front wings are actually of a piece with the black base plate for the front. Altogether the front-end graphics are very well done.

6. That the main air intake is straightforward and looks like what it is evokes a sigh of relief. The blunt painted column of the FT-1 was not practical, but I’d feared something Lexus-horrible here.

7. Keeping the entire upper surface treatment of the FT-1 was admirable, and it’s well integrated to the design.

1. The overdone humped-up spoiler was retained for the production design. Good. Distinction is a positive value on an extroverted design.

2. A lockable gas cap door is preferable to a racing-oriented quick-connect fixture, as racers don’t have to worry about fuel pilfering as the drivers of road cars must.

3. Notice that the forward edge of the (nonfunctional) hot air outlet is above the rear, aiding in dynamic scavenging. It’s a nicely thought-out detail.

4. The little kink in the painted surface separates the sill piece that runs along the bottom of the body into a third trapezoidal fin per side. Excessive, perhaps, but effective visually.

5. The joint line for the add-on door skin piece becomes a design element in itself.

6. You get the impression that the spokes stick out more than necessary, increasing the risk of curb damage.

7. We have seen arced side markers like these on other cars. A direct, simple, and effective solution, they do no visual harm.

8. This little crease derives from the rising line that begins in the front fender side and sags down to a point about a fifth of the way along the bottom of the door.

9. As California hot-rodders showed back in the ’30s, nothing says power quite as boldly and bluntly as shiny, big-bore exhaust pipes. These are perfect for the Supra.

10. Little fins on the rear underside make you think of F1 diffusers, as does the trapezoidal light box in the center of the black mass.

About the FT-1 I said, “The best part of the car is the interior, which is seriously thought out, beautifully made, and extremely satisfying to be in.” About the Supra, I’m afraid I must say that this execution is so boringly gray and sedanlike that it should not be in a sports car at all. There’s nothing of the concept car in it, and the lack of color is deadly. (Toyota does offer a red interior for the Supra as well, depending on spec.)

1. The instrument cowl is just OK, but no more than that.

2. The round airbag cover is Avalon-boring.

3. Between these two joints on the steering wheel rim, Toyota should have made the leather red, as on the FT-1. Red leather is available on the Absolute Zero White and Nocturnal Black Launch Editions, but even then, the wheel is far from the dynamic piece fitted to the concept car.

4. The sedan-style screen is as uninspiring as the rest of the interior.

5. This red stripe on the door panel is the only color other than the seat-belt release buttons. What were they thinking?

There’s no way around it—the original concept interior was vastly superior to what has been accepted for production. At least Toyota could have left us the red.

1. Indenting the vertical slab across the tail for license plates helps by modulating surfaces that I said “really don’t make sense” in our April 2014 By Design on the FT-1.

2. The decklid is minuscule, and loading the trunk would be a chore at best. With 10.1 cubic feet of cargo space, not that much will go into it.

3. The chamfered counterbore aspect of the exhaust pipes is much more effective than just a straight cut-off piece of pipe.

4. This slot doesn’t have any function other than appearance at present, but it’s consistent with the rest of the design.

5. This lamp feature is definitely part of the aggressive performance aura of the Supra.

[jesusvasser]

By Design: 2020 Toyota Supra Styling Analysis

Let me quote something I wrote back in 2014 about the car that would become the precursor to Toyota’s new Supra—the FT-1 concept:

“In many ways, this car is a mess. An intriguing and attractive mess, yes, but a mess all the same. Lines don’t flow very well, details don’t really work, there are conflicting lines and surfaces, and there’s no coherent mechanical plan behind the non-running concept car seen in Detroit [at the 2014 auto show]. But go back to the 50 words in the preceding and note the one that counts: attractive.”

For all its oddities and awkwardness, the FT-1’s styling exercise appealed to a wide range of observers, including the most important one, Akio Toyoda, the CEO of Toyota who pushed the concept to production five years later. Our own omniscient Georg Kacher told us long ago Toyota was working with BMW on a joint-venture sports car. So instead of what I described five years ago as “a three-dimensional sketch,” which is all the FT-1 was, we now have a reasonably priced GT car that’s still a mess stylistically. And still very attractive.

So let’s look at why this basic five-year-old design is so appealing, despite the conflicts and confusion that definitely still exist in today’s Supra. Conflicts, it should be noted, that did not exist in the last A80 model of the Supra series (1993–2002), which was so sleek and well resolved that it was slightly boring. (I also seem to remember it was a little hard to move off dealer lots without financial incentives toward the end of its commercial life.) While that Supra was very nice, it lacked visual character or aggressiveness, which this A90 has in spades. Toyota’s Calty design team in Southern California infused the FT-1 with a lot of competition references. Those—and a few more—remain in the Supra. The brilliantly innovative outside mirror mounting scheme and what I called “the superb and imaginative cockpit” have been removed, presumably by the perpetually present bean counters who insist on economical mediocrity in car companies all over the world.

Despite the cost-saving simplifications imposed by practical reality, like suppressing the glass cover for the engine at the back of the long hood, plenty of drama remains. The Supra sports details like the double-bubble roof and a pair of big-bore, chromed exhaust pipes that supplant the overstyled outlets on the concept; the wheels are simpler and stronger-looking, and some of the excesses—the humped-up rear spoiler comes to mind here—have happily been retained. This is not a watered-down concept. Instead, it’s a producible version of a strong, controversial, and much-appreciated idea that resonated with a wide range of worldwide observers.

One of the intangible but vital aspects of a car’s total visual character is its ability to make you want—no, not just want, but fervently desire—to drive it. From the Detroit auto show feedback in 2014 and 2019, we’d say Toyota has a real winner on its hands.

1. The overhanging nose continued to the base plane on the FT-1, and its retention on this version with a big air intake below it recalls the first swept-wing jet fighter, the North American F-86 Sabre.

2. The slit-like inward extension of the headlamp opening carries through intact from the concept car, a nice visual feature unique to this model.

3. The hood remains quite high well past the front edges of the tires, largely because of European pedestrian safety standards. Then it bends downward to the remainder of the FT-1’s “coffin nose.”

4. The cowl is intriguing in that it is quite flat and straight in the center, dropping off in a generous radius at the outer edges.

5. One of the elements that I suspect most observers like is the double-bubble roof with its reduced frontal area channel through the central roof, where no headroom is needed inside.

6. One of the multiple visual mismatches is the quick-dropping upper window line and the very dissimilar humped-up roof profile.

7. A curious body detail I don’t recall ever having seen anywhere else is a separate piece of door skin forming the (nonfunctional) rear side air inlet, with a frank panel joint line running forward and down to the bottom of the door.

8. A black sill piece starts just behind a section of the fender that makes a visual connection with the painted bottom of the front fender ahead of the wheel opening. It then flows back into yet another F1-like trapezoidal fin for a total of six along the bottom of the body.

9. There’s a lot of complex surface action along the lower body side, with this crease dropping into a line beneath the actual door cut and continuing into the wheel opening.

10. … trapezoidal vertical fin that adheres to the lower corner of the fender.

11. What appears to be an F1-style front wing is actually of a piece with the black lower wing that turns up at its end to make a race car-like …

12. This quite direct intake for the radiator makes more sense than trying to control the flow from the sides toward a central cooling core.

1. The Supra’s forward-facing indent that turns and becomes an outlet looks good and provides a bit of detail to the driver’s eye.

2. Headlamp presentation is extremely well done and very strong graphically.

3. This is a nonfunctional vent (Toyota says it may be used in the future), but the shapes all around it are handsome and nicely modeled.

4. This slit extending the headlamp opening inward is especially effective visually for identification.

5. What appear to be race car front wings are actually of a piece with the black base plate for the front. Altogether the front-end graphics are very well done.

6. That the main air intake is straightforward and looks like what it is evokes a sigh of relief. The blunt painted column of the FT-1 was not practical, but I’d feared something Lexus-horrible here.

7. Keeping the entire upper surface treatment of the FT-1 was admirable, and it’s well integrated to the design.

1. The overdone humped-up spoiler was retained for the production design. Good. Distinction is a positive value on an extroverted design.

2. A lockable gas cap door is preferable to a racing-oriented quick-connect fixture, as racers don’t have to worry about fuel pilfering as the drivers of road cars must.

3. Notice that the forward edge of the (nonfunctional) hot air outlet is above the rear, aiding in dynamic scavenging. It’s a nicely thought-out detail.

4. The little kink in the painted surface separates the sill piece that runs along the bottom of the body into a third trapezoidal fin per side. Excessive, perhaps, but effective visually.

5. The joint line for the add-on door skin piece becomes a design element in itself.

6. You get the impression that the spokes stick out more than necessary, increasing the risk of curb damage.

7. We have seen arced side markers like these on other cars. A direct, simple, and effective solution, they do no visual harm.

8. This little crease derives from the rising line that begins in the front fender side and sags down to a point about a fifth of the way along the bottom of the door.

9. As California hot-rodders showed back in the ’30s, nothing says power quite as boldly and bluntly as shiny, big-bore exhaust pipes. These are perfect for the Supra.

10. Little fins on the rear underside make you think of F1 diffusers, as does the trapezoidal light box in the center of the black mass.

About the FT-1 I said, “The best part of the car is the interior, which is seriously thought out, beautifully made, and extremely satisfying to be in.” About the Supra, I’m afraid I must say that this execution is so boringly gray and sedanlike that it should not be in a sports car at all. There’s nothing of the concept car in it, and the lack of color is deadly. (Toyota does offer a red interior for the Supra as well, depending on spec.)

1. The instrument cowl is just OK, but no more than that.

2. The round airbag cover is Avalon-boring.

3. Between these two joints on the steering wheel rim, Toyota should have made the leather red, as on the FT-1. Red leather is available on the Absolute Zero White and Nocturnal Black Launch Editions, but even then, the wheel is far from the dynamic piece fitted to the concept car.

4. The sedan-style screen is as uninspiring as the rest of the interior.

5. This red stripe on the door panel is the only color other than the seat-belt release buttons. What were they thinking?

There’s no way around it—the original concept interior was vastly superior to what has been accepted for production. At least Toyota could have left us the red.

1. Indenting the vertical slab across the tail for license plates helps by modulating surfaces that I said “really don’t make sense” in our April 2014 By Design on the FT-1.

2. The decklid is minuscule, and loading the trunk would be a chore at best. With 10.1 cubic feet of cargo space, not that much will go into it.

3. The chamfered counterbore aspect of the exhaust pipes is much more effective than just a straight cut-off piece of pipe.

4. This slot doesn’t have any function other than appearance at present, but it’s consistent with the rest of the design.

5. This lamp feature is definitely part of the aggressive performance aura of the Supra.

[gocasualrunawaycollection-blog]

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""Since we pay for car insurance in case sh-t happens, shouldn't we get that money back if sh-t doesn't happen?""

Car insurance is the biggest rip-off ever. I hate paying it. Sooo in case stuff happens, insurance takes care of it but then your rates go up!?! WTF? So if nothing goes wrong for a full year, shouldn't we get our money back?""

""What would be a good, cheap to insure and reliable car for a 17 year old?""

What would be a good, cheap to insure and reliable car for a 17 year old?""

What is insurance like in the united states?

is insurance better in canada or the united states and how much does school and college cost in united states and health coverage or how can you pay for health coverage i want to know this because i want to move to the states is there any site that would tell me about all this if there is can you give me the link thanks if i defend anyone sorry

I'm a first-timer with cars and insurance?

I was trying to research car insurance and taxes but came up with no clear answer. My probem is that I am looking to see how much it would cost for me to buy a cheap car (preferably a Mini or a Beetle) and what the insurance would cost. Can anyone point me in the right direction? I'm trying to work out how much I have to earn this summer so I can own my first car.

How much would car insurance cost for me?

I'm 17 years old, canada, ontario. Just started driving.. Anyone recommend a company, or any adivce, what are the costs per month.""

What is the cost of basic car insurance?

I know it varies but i mean for an average car? Are there any other costs to be considered when first purchasing/driving a car?

alabama forestry insurance

alabama forestry insurance

A Lady hit my car and we decided not to go through our insurance...?

I told her i would call her as soon as i had a estimate on how much it was going to be. This happened back in april but i have been so busy with work and school to be able to get this done, now that i have the time i want to call her and let her know, but i am afraid it might be too late.. Is it to late?? I have all her info except her insurance info (I know bad me but i was nervous) Also im going to need a car rental is that part of what she should pay me?""

I'm on my moms car insurance and I'm getting older?

I'm really trying to get myself on my own two feet and we have everything together, phone bill (sprint) , car insurance she receives my bank statements monitors my purchases, views and manages my credit ...everything I'm just trying to move and not be under my moms wing... How can I go about moving my car insurance, and /or picking car insurance.... Help?""

""Health Insurance questions, help?

I just got a job as a firefighter in my local town in Mass. Im only 21 y/o and still on my mothers insurance Do you recommend I stay with her's or pursue my own? She is an LPN so her benefits are ok but nothing amazing....blue cross Advice? PRices of FF health insurance? Thanks!

Insurance policy??????

My car insurance is under my dad's name hes the policy holder im 22 years old from new york I was involved in a car accident 2 months ago i was at no fault since i was rear ended today geico called and said they are raising my dad's preimum by 200 dollars since now they will add me to the policy why are they doing this ....is it because of the accident they said the only way it won't be raise if he takes me off his policy and the car and has to provide proof that im insured by another company im going away for college so i wont need my car which belongs to my dad is there anyway to do somethin to not raise his premium and is it wise to go to another insurance company please help and advice

""I'm about to take my driving test & want to buy a new car, any recommendations for cheap purchase & insurance?""

I'm about to take my driving test & want to buy a new car, any recommendations for cheap purchase & insurance?""

How long will it take for your auto insurance cost to go down?

How long will it take for your auto insurance cost to go down?

Insurance on a 2003 SAAB 2.0.?

I am 16 and i really like this car. It is Turbo charged, which i really am not worried about.. i am a very careful driver.not looking for speed.. and never been in an accident. how much do you think the insurance would be a month??""

Car Insurance for 16 year old?

I'm thinking of getting an 04 Mazda Rx-8, like 40,000 miles on it, but I wanna know how much I'd have to pay to insure it. I heard you get a discount for having good grades(G.P.A 3.9) and taking drivers ed. Please give me an estimate.""

Can I Drive without Insurance? I have a license and my car Is Insured under my parents name?

Okay so I really need your help.. well help from whoever has the correct Information.. So I'm 19 about to be 20 In May, I have my driver's License, and I have my own car that I got as a present for my 18th Birthday, but It's under my parents name, but anyways my question Is, Can I drive without Insurance? I mean My Car HAS Insurance just not for me. It's under my parents Name, and I mean I Need the car for school, It's not for anything more than that? what can I Do? I know I can get Insurance but It's like expensive for me that I Don't work, and I have to be making payments for my school every month, and I know I Should have a Job, But I'm a full-time student..so yeah you can Imagine.. so yes.. who can answer this?""

""I have a question about an accident, insurance, an estimate and payment?""

Hello. I recently got rear-ended and had an estimate done for $1800 dollars and somebody told me they would never give me that much for my car. I looked up the Kelley Blue Book and a private party price would be about $750 and that's how much they would give me and THEY take the car. Is this right? I might do it $750 and I keep the car! I put a new clutch in it, new front brake system, new exhaust, I love the car, so it's worth much more to me.....I'm just wondering what the law is on it and what I might be able to do to maximize my payout. If I'm unhappy with their offer can I take them to small claims and win? I just can't believe that I was just sitting at a stoplight and BOOM my car's wrecked and since I'm poor I can't get it fixed ya know? Thank you for your time......""

Question about insurance liabilty when driving a drunk friend home in his car?

My friend asked me to drive his car for him to pick him up because he was drinking. I picked him up and on the way home got into a fender bender at my fault. His insurance paid for the damages done to the other vehicle, but he does not have complete coverage for his car and wants me to cover 800 dollars in damages done to his vehicle. I do not feel responsible for this. I have minimum coverage. Will he be able to take me to claims court? Am I liable for his damages?""

I need health insurance.how do i get it?

i live in albuquerque and i work part time so i dont have insurance.my tooth is starting to bother me and i think i really need to go to the dentist but i dont have insurance.how do i get one? please help :(

What is cheapest car insurance i am 18 years old with a crash?

i need the cheapest car insurance in florida can some one refer me to a company

Car insurance?

I am a minor living with my mom and she is being a ***** about car insurance so can i get on my dads insurance even though i dont live with him? i live in delaware by the way.

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old?

I am turning 16 next month. I'm getting my liscense then too. I'm a girl... Ahah. I've heard insurance is cheaper for females. I live in henderson, nevada (pretty much las vegas). And my first car is going to be a 1999 porsche 911 carrera. It's in mint condition also. My dad barely used it. I know it will be high-ish since it's a sports car :/ About how much would my insurance be on it a month? THAN YOU! <3""

""Im a 21 yea old female, what would cost more; insurance on a 2010 camaro, or a 2007 mustang?""

also how much do you think would cost? no tickets, no wrecks, nothing on my record. thanks!""

Driving without insurance in Illnois?

I am 21 yr old male & due to high rates of insurance i am not insured. Instead, my car is insured on my dad's name. I wanna know what are the consequences of driving without insurance in illinois. I heard the fact that it doesn't matter much if the driver of a car is not insured but the car should be insured on any other person's name rather than who is driving?""

How to get Homeowners insurance after bankruptcy?

Only serious answers please. State: CT (Fairfield County) Need homeowners insurance for condo. Dropped for making late payment. Have condo over 15 years and never made any claims. Recently filed bankruptcy. Need insurance asap. Are there any insurance carriers that rely more on claims history than on credit these days? This is first time I have ever been dropped.

3rd party/ business car insurance?

Because im a young driver my insurance will be really expensive so i am getting 3rd cover insurance however this job i found requires me to have b1 insurance my question is do i have a have a comprehensive insurance to also have a b1 insurance? and how much more would business insurance cost me?

Where can a 18 year old female get cheap car insurance?

I've looked around everywhere and the cheapest i could find was 2200, would it be cheaper if i phoned up the companies or what? how do they expect ,e to be able to afford that im a student and live in a village so i need it to commute to work and college. i cant rely on the buses because there always late and stuff. i would be willing to pay something around 1000. i have a fiat punto 1.2 and just past my test, i was going to do a pass plus test but they dont even ask if you have done anything like that.""

Affordable health insurance?

for milwaukee wisconsin?

How to find out how much gas i need for a Mercedes Benz c300?

Ok so i'm suppose to do a career project and pick a job and where i'm going to live,health insurance etc.For my project i picked a Mercedes Benz c300 for my vehicle.For gasoline choice i picked shells and it cost 2.909 per gallon.How do i find out the average cost for a week and/or month?First resonable answer get best answer..i really need this so please help me!Thank you! :)""

""Whats a good, less expensive, insurance for a younger driver?""

i'm 19 and have had my liscence since i turned 16, i have a clean driving record and even got a perfect score on my driving test 3 years back. My car's been under my dad's name for the last three years but i plan to move out soon and want to switch the car into my name. does anyone know of a good, less expensive car insurance that would be affordable, and not have high rates just because i'm a younger driver.""

Getting Insurance to get a license?

I am having a hard time getting my without insurance. I have a permit but I need insurance to take the drivers test, but I don't have anyone to put me on theirs so I can take the test. Is there anything I can do so I can get insurance. Please help me""

What are 3 reasons why insurance rates are higher for driver's under the age of 25?

What are 3 reasons why insurance rates are higher for driver's under the age of 25?

alabama forestry insurance

alabama forestry insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-quotes-canada-scotiabank-hailey-stewart/"

[skiasurveys]

Creepy questions.

1. Describe a situation when you felt that you had completely severed ties with reality.  I had times where Im with people and Im like “are we even real guys? Like how do we really know? like we could just not be real.” it was weird and felt awkward. 2. Have you ever see n a UFO?   no

3. Have you ever had sleep paralysis? If so, describe your experience. So ive had a couple. One time I woke up and I usually go to grab my phone but I just couldn’t get to it and it was weird i couldnt move or open my eyes. The 2nd time was not too long ago, I thought i heard my two cats crying and fighting eachother so i went to check on them but I couldnt get up and I was crying my sisters name because I couldnt get up and I was scared and so i eventually woke up and checked on them but they were okay, but when i was calling my sisters name it sounded muffeled. it was weird.

4. Have you ever seen what you believed to be a ghost or spirit? Nah not really.

5. What is the most depraved thing you have ever thought about another person?  probably murder, thats it. 

6. Do you have a habit that people would be shocked by? If so, what is it?  I have a habit of thinking odd things..

7. Morals aside completely, you absolutely have to kill someone. An enemy. How do you do it?  Stabbing them or drowning them, MAN this sounds so creepy. dont call the cops.

8. What is the creepiest thing that you have ever seen in real life? a teddy bear with adult human teeth.

9. Have you ever seen something online that made you completely sick to your stomach? Describe it.  Red rooms. I dont go on there but it was on youtube a youtuber was on the deep web and went across this video that was this guy molesting and raping a 2 year old girl ( No they didnt show footage), but fuck it was so awful to hear about it and it made me so grossed out and sick. and just the other shit red rooms do. Red rooms are where you pay people to torture people and you tell them what to do and oh yeah they film it. live. No ive never see it because i dont wanna see a therapist lol but ive heard of it.

10. Has someone ever lied to you to the point where you never actually knew them? Eh, niot really.

11. What is your worst nightmare? I actually dont get night mares that often, so i cant think of one.

12. What is the worst nightmare that you have ever had? ^ is that the same question lol.

13. If you were attacked on the street, do you truly believe that you could defend yourself?  Honestly, no. But i carry stuff with me incase but, i dont truly know..cause survival instincts.

14. You manage to survive a plane crash. Now what? Find the others.

15. Have you ever had a medical condition that you were afraid to tell people or your doctor about because it was too gross or taboo to bring up in conversation? Nah.

16. What is your opinion on people who are really into serial killers? OK,its cool if youre interested because I am. I like to hear what they have to say and what they think, but if youre actually INTO them as in attracted..youre fucking gross, kys. 

17. Do you think it’s justified to kill someone who has killed others? (i.e. the death penalty, revenge killing, etc.)  Yeah but do it slowly.

18. You’re being chased through the woods by some unknown but horrifying creature. You’re there, an acquaintance from work that you’re alright with is there, and the greatest person in your life is there (s-o, family member, etc.). The person you like more is lagging behind. Do you push the acquaintance down in order to save your loved one’s life? No, I would wait for my loved one but Im pretty sure he is faster than me, but maybe I would. This is kind of creepy..

19. If all of the world’s social, economical, and environmental issues would be solved, but in order to do so, a small village of children had to be slaughtered brutally, would you agree to their deaths?  No, thats just not right.

20. Were you ever told that you were being problematic? Why?   No i wasnt.

21. Did you ever have to stop yourself from saying something so horrible that even you were surprised that you had thought it up?  Yes but there is psychology behind this. Not all of your thoughts are your own. By that i mean sometimes you hear things and whatever and then you think about shit they have said.

22. Have you ever said something so horrible to someone that they have completely kicked you out of their life?  No.

23. Were you ever told that you were being creepy? What were you doing? Yeah i would stalk my crushes in middle school.. LMAO.

24. What disease would you wish on your enemies? aids.

25. Would you explore a large abandoned building at night with only flashlights to guide you? depends...am i getting paid

26. Have you ever explored an abandoned building/house/property? Did you find anything cool? Nah, i want to though.

27. Have you ever explored an abandoned building or property by yourself?  ^ isnt this the same question.

28. If you could be, which classic slasher villain would you be? Jason? i dont really watch those movies. lol

29. Are you more of a Mulder or a Scully? (not creepy but it’s a good question)  MULDER. aliens exist

30. Do you believe in spontaneous human combustion?   id imagine it can happen

31. What would be the absolute worst way to die? burning alive.

32. Do you believe in unexplainable phenomena?  Hmmm..Maybe. it depends. Im not scientist 

33. Do you ever walk through graveyards at your leisure?  My dad is buried there.

34. What is your favorite scent on a person? woodsss.

35. Would you eat an endangered species? no

36. If offered to you, would you willingly eat human flesh?  no

37. What would you do if you unknowingly consumed human flesh? puke.

38. You’re in an antique store and happen upon a human skull. After asking the shop owner, you find out that it is real. What do you do?i leave 

39. Do you think it is okay for people to own the skulls of dolphins and other cetaceans?  yeah, whatever. as long as its legal.

40. Have you ever collected animal bones or skulls by finding them in nature and cleaning them? Nppe.

41. What is your opinion on taxidermy? I think its okay. i couldnt do it. 42. Do you believe in aliens?  yes!

43. Tomorrow on the news it is confirmed that alien life exists and that it is intelligent. What is your reaction? i call everyone i ever knew and said told you bitch. 44.  Tomorrow on the news it is confirmed that alien life exists and that it is unintelligent. What is your reaction?  “oh shit..’

45. Do you believe in cloning humans?  no because the only reason we would clone is for health reasons  (organs, bone marorw) so the clone would be used up.

46. If it were possible to preserve your brain after death only to bring you back in the future, would you go through with it?  No.

47. If the option became available to upload your brain into a computer system and live inside a computer simulated world where all things were possible, would you chose to do this? if i could test it out...

48. In your opinion, what is the most terrifying sea creature? fucking crabs. 49. In your opinion, what is the most terrifying land animal?  hyenas. 50. Do you believe that your government keeps terrifying secrets from the general public? If so, what do you think they keep from us?  yes

[dayumpeterpan]

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Arabella - The Arctic Monkeys The City - The 1975 Ferrari - The Neighbourhood Cigarettes in the Theater - Two Door Cinema Club Postpone - Catfish and the Bottlemen Silvertongue - Young the Giant 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My soulmate, I suppose 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. "As newborn babies. We might, anyhow, be natural..." from No Exif 4) What do you think about most? I guess love 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? No, I haven't 6) Do you have any strange phobias? Yes, I'm deathly afraid of needles like it's not just a fear it's a diagnosable phobia. 7) What's your religion? I'm agnostic. 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking I guess. I do a lot of different thinks outside. 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Catfish and the Bottlemen, no question. 10) What was the last lie you told? I told my friend I had to miss rehearsal cause I was sick when really I needed to go to dance class cause my parents paid a lot of money for it. 11) Do you believe in karma? Not really. 12) What does your URL mean? Well, my crush dressed up as Peter Pan for Halloween one year so my friends and I started saying, "dayum Peter Pan" when we saw him... well mostly just me. But now it's just because I love Peter Pan. 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is either my vanity or my selfishness. I can be selfless and usually I am, but when I'm selfish I feel like shit. And I just have such an obsession with being pretty because I get such a sense of power from it. Not sure what my greatest strength is. I guess it's my mental/emotional strength. I really think that I handle most situations very intelligently. 14) Who is your celebrity crush? I really don't have one. 15) How do you vent your anger? I guess by yelling when it's really bad and when it's minor I just count to ten and let it go. 16) Do you have a collection of anything? I used to collect snow globes. Now I guess I collect Disney stuffed animals. 17) Are you happy with the person you've become? Generally, yes. I'm not perfect but I'm really happy with the way I handle situations. 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I don't know off the top of my head what sounds I hate. I love lots of sounds so that's hard too. I really just don't know. 19) What's your biggest "what if"? I guess I don't have one. I'm not a "what if" kind of person. 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I don't really believe in ghost, but I won't count them out. I definitely believe in aliens. This universe is way too big for us to be the only intelligent life around. 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. My wall and my blanket. 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? Ugh, I can't smell anything, my nose is stuffed. 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? The doctors office or the hospital to get my blood drawn. 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Fucking Shawn mendes is hot as hell im sorry. Also there was his boy on the voice that was fine as fuck. 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? I believe that life has no predetermined meaning, you give it meaning yourself. For me it's to be as happy as I can be. 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Not yet. 27) What was the last movie you saw? Sing Street... good as hell 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I've never had a serious injury. 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? No, I'm not an obsessive person. 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Not that I know of. 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? No. I don't usually trust them right away but if that act differently I will give them the benefit of the doubt. 32) What is your astrological sign? Scorpio. 33) What's the last thing you purchased? My dress for the dance. 34) Love or lust? Love, I'm not a super horny person. 35) In a relationship? No, I wish I was. 36) How many relationships have you had? Ha, none cause I'm a loser. 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I'm just really smiley and light and laughy with them. 38) Where is your best friend? At home I think. 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I think so. 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the fucking dog, I'm not a horrible person. 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) I'd tell some people so they have time to prepare because sudden deaths are horrible. But I wouldn't tell everyone. b) I'd spend it traveling with the people I love. c) Hell yeah, id be terrified. 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Right now, silvertongue. All the time? Sidewinder. 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, mutual comfort and adoration, and an unreal amount of friendship. 45) How can I win your heart? Smile at me and be a kind person. I love people's smiles and I hate assholes. 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? I don't know, I've never been insane. I'd imagine it's subjective. 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? My decision to be confident and not rest my feelings about myself on others judgements. Also, not settling. 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? She did it all. 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." Being in love I guess. 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Mostly white but I also love grey. 51) What is your current desktop picture? The mermaids from Peter Pan 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? I want to say Trump but then we be dealing with Pence. I'd need to do some serious research for this one. 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? Are you naturally pretty? 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Shape-shifting. 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? When I was in Alabama and I was laying on the dock at night with the water reflecting the lights across the bay and everything seemed infinite and I felt at home. 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I don't know. I don't have one that stands out. 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Probably Shawn mendes or that guy from the voice. Idfk. 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Venice. No idea why I'm saying that but it feels right. 59) Ever been on a plane? Yeah, a long time ago. 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. I don't fucking know stop asking me this.