#1. my post was ten words long please just ignore it and move on

[sholmeser]

I mean this as a Genuine question I am not trying to be rude I’m so sorry if it comes off that way. But your post about otasune not celebrating Christmas confused me; Cant people celebrate both? Like can’t otacon be Jewish and Also celebrate christmas? I grew up around a lot of kids who did both every year couldnt they be doing it for Sunny’s sake or something? Idk again im not trying to be rude I’m just genuinely confused

ok i will say that i was jokingly exaggerating with my wording in that post i’m not saying it’s like. a flagrant mischaracterization if you want to create/enjoy content of them doing christmasy stuff you can do whatever you want. i’m not jewish myself so i can’t speak on how common it is for people to celebrate both hannukah and christmas but i think for otacon the biggest thing would be more the fact that being alone with huey (who was absolutely not doing anything. let’s be real) for over ten years + having had essentially no friends growing up means he wouldn’t have any precedent of what spending time with his loved ones during the holidays is like. i mean you could argue that he’s always wanted to find out or whatever which like. alright i guess. i just think his (probable) general apathy towards the holidays + snake having undergone a very traumatizing experience during the same time of year would mean that they just wouldn’t care. them buying presents for sunny because she read about santa claus and them going all out decorating/dressing up/cooking are two different things

[caien]

ok i thought i was going to write a blurb (to escape from having to do work) but she ended up being a whole IMAGINE and now my brain is fried. i didnt proofread this so ignore the errors pls if there are any

its almost 3am and youre trying to complete a brand book for the company you work for within the next hour because 1. you were exhausted and 2. if you dont get it done, your boss was going to have your head (not really but you cant help catastrophizing sometimes). 

mat had an away game tonight which you couldnt attend or even watch live, not that he minded though. he understood the demands of being the only employee in a start up where you had to juggle different roles. you two havent been together for long but he's been there for you through most, if not all of it. from carrying you to bed whenever he finds you passed out at the dining table and letting you cry in his arms until you calm down after a shitty day at work then proceeding to shower your face with kisses to celebrating even the tiniest achievements. your boss liked the post you designed? he comes home with your favourite takeout and you spend the night watching movies together. he even scribbles little things in your notebook sometimes which you find so endearing. mat's always there for you, just like youre there for him too. it was difficult not to fall in love with him but you were afraid to rush into things so youve kept quiet about your true feelings, a little hesitant to say those three words first. 

the isles had won so mat had a little more energy to stay up on facetime with you. you wouldve been done with your task if not for the last sentence that had to be paraphrased so you came to the conclusion that taking a break and staring at your boyfriends face instead of the forsaken document would be of help. "baby, its late and you have work in a few hours. go to bed soon, yeah? please?" mat pouted and you swore it was the cutest thing ever. "says you. dont you have early practice?" you stuck your tongue out at him that got him chuckling. "i promise i'll sleep right after i figure this out. tell me how your day went." you continued as you sat up, pulling the laptop onto your lap.

even seeing him through the screen made you feel way better than you were. you missed him so much and you couldnt wait until hes back in your arms again (he feels the same way too). you listened as he went on about the game and that the goal he scored was for you which left you feeling a little bad for not tuning in to be honest but all that disappeared when he made a passing comment about what to write for the last bit of your work. "wait, say that again." you frantically typed down whatever mat had said before letting out a sigh of relief. "you literally just saved my life mathew just when i thought i couldnt love you more." it didnt even take a second for you to realize what you just said. your eyes went wide and you quickly slammed your laptop shut. you wouldve thrown it off the bed if it wasnt for your phone ringing: mat was calling. out of all the possible times you couldve told mat that you love him, your brain decided doing it over facetime when hes not physically in front of you was best. you contemplated on answering because what if he thinks youre moving too fast? putting those stupid thoughts aside you tapped on answer and held the phone up to your ear waiting for him to speak. you could literally feel your heart in your throat.

"i love you too, by the way. ive been meaning to tell you for a while now and i had it all planned out i was going to take you out to that place you like when i get back. god i-" he was rambling and you felt yourself falling deeper in love with him. you let out a small giggle, feeling all the anxiety leave your body. "im sorry for ending the call earlier. i wish i told you face to face though." you buried your face into the pillow and groaned in embarrassment. "well, you can tell me again when im back. throw in a a kiss too, maybe ten." rolling your eyes, you could picture the smirk on his face. "you bet i'll do just that, barzal." 

[writingwithcolor]

I'm writing an AU of a movie that takes place in the 1880s USA, where a travelling white character and a Jewish character are waylaid by Native Americans, who they befriend. Probably because it was written by and about PoC (Jews) the scene actually avoids the stuff on your Native American Masterpost, but I'd still like to do better than a movie made in the 1980's, and I feel weird cutting them from the plot entirely. I have a Jewish woman reading it for that, but are there any things you (1/1)

2/2 1880s western movie ask--are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s? I do plan to base them on a real tribe (Ute, probably) and have proper housing/clothes and so forth, but right now I'm just trying to avoid or subvert awful cowboy movie tropes. Any ideas?

White and Jewish Men, Native American interactions in 1880s

I am vaguely concerned with how you only cite one of our posts about Native Americans, that was not written by a Native person, and do not cite any of the posts relating to this time period, or any posts relating to representation in media. 

Sidenote: if you want us to give accurate reflections of the media you’re discussing, please tell us the NAME. I cannot go look up this movie based off this description to give you an idea of what my issues are with this scene, and must instead trust that the representation is good based off your judgement. I cannot make my own judgement. This is a problem. Especially since your whole question boils down to “this scene is good but not great and I want it to be great. How can I do that?”

Your baseline for “good” could very well be my baseline for “terrible hack job”. I can’t give you the proper education required for you to be able to accurately evaluate the media you’re watching for racist stereotypes if you don’t tell me what you’re even working with.

When you’re writing fanfic where the media is directly relevant to the question, please tell us the name of the media. We will not judge your tastes. We need this information in order to properly help you.

Moving on.

I bring up my concern for you citing that one—exceptionally old—post because it is lacking in many of the tropes that don’t exist in the media critique field but exist in the real world. This is an issue I have run into countless times on WWC (hence further concern you did not cite any other posts) and have spoken about at length. 

People look at the media critique world exclusively, assume it is a complete evaluation of how Native Americans are seen in society, and as a result end up ignoring some really toxic stereotypes and then come to the inbox with “these characters aren’t abc trope, so they’re fine, but I want to rubber stamp them anyway. Anything wrong here?”. The answer is pretty much always yes. 

Issue one: “Waylaid” by Native Americans

This wording is extremely loaded for one reason: Native American people are seen as tricksters, liars, and predators. This is the #1 trope that shows up in the real world that does not show up in media critique. It’s also the trope I have talked about the most when it comes to media representation, so you not knowing the trope is a sign you haven’t read the entirety of the Native tag—which is in the FAQ as something we would really prefer you did before coming at us to answer questions. It avoids us having to re-explain ourselves.

Now, hostility is honestly to be expected for the time period the movie is set in. This is in the beginnings (or ramping up) of residential schools in America* and Canada, we have generations upon generations of stolen or killed children, reserves being allocated perhaps hundreds of miles from sacred sites, and various wars with Plains and Southwest peoples are in full force (Wounded Knee would have happened in 1890, in December, and the Dakoa’s mass execution would have been in 1862. Those are just the big-name wars. There absolutely were others). 

*America covers up its residential schools abuse extremely thoroughly, so if you try to research them in the American context you will come up empty. Please research Canada’s schools and apply the same abuse to America, as Canada has had a Truth and Reconciliation Commission about residential schools and therefore is more (but not completely) transparent about the abuse that happened. Please note that America’s history with residential schools is longer than Canada’s history. There is an extremely large trigger warning for mass child death when you do this research.

But just because the hostility is expected does not mean that this hostility would be treated well in the movie. Especially when you consider the sheer amount of tension between any Native actors and white actors, for how Sacheen Littlefeather had just been nearly beaten up by white actors at the 1973 Academy Awards for mentioning Wounded Knee, and the American Indian Religious Freedom Act had only been passed two years prior in 1978. 

These Native actors would not have had the ability to truly consent to how they were shown, and this power dynamic has to be in your mind when you watch this scene over. I don’t care that the writers were from a discriminated-against background. This does not always result in being respectful, and I’ve also spoken about this power imbalance at length (primarily in the cowboy tag).

Documentaries and history specials made in the 2010s (with some degree of academic muster) will still fall into wording that harkens Indigenous people to wolves and settlers as frightened prey animals getting picked off by the mean animalistic Natives. This is not neutral, or good. This is perpetuating the myth that the settlers were helpless, just doing their own thing completely unobtrusively, and then the evil territorial Native Americans didn’t want to share.

To paraphrase Batman: if I had a week I couldn’t explain all the reasons that’s wrong.

How were these characters waylaid by the Native population? Because that answer—which I cannot get because you did not name the media—will determine how good the framing is. But based on the time period this movie was made alone, I do not trust it was done respectfully.

Issue 2: “Befriending”

I mentioned this was in an intense period of residential schools and land wars all in that area. The Ute themselves had just been massacred by Mormons in the Grass Valley Massacre in 1865, with ten men and an unknown number of women and children killed thanks to a case of assumed association with a war chief (Antonga Black Hawk) currently at war with Utah. The Paiute had been massacred in 1866. Over 100 Timpanogo men had been killed, with an unknown number of women and children enslaved by Brigham Young in Salt Lake City in 1850, with many of the enslaved people dying in captivity (those numbers were not tracked, but I would assume at least two hundred were enslaved— that’s simply assuming one woman/wife and one child for every man, and the numbers could have very well been higher if any war-widows and their children were in the group, not to mention families with multiple children). This is after an unknown group of Indigenous people had been killed by Governor Brigham Young the year prior, to “permanently stop cattle theft” from settlers. 

The number of Native Americans killed in Utah in the 1800s—just the number of dead counted (since women and children weren’t counted)—in massacres not tied to war (because there was at least one war) is over 130. The actual number of random murders is much higher; between the uncounted deaths and how the Governor had issued orders to “deal with” the problem of cattle theft permanently. I doubt you would have been tried or convicted if you murdered Indigenous peoples on “your” land. This is why it’s called state sanctioned genocide.

This is not counting the Black Hawk War in Utah (1865-1872), which the Ute were absolutely a part of (the wiki articles I read were contradictory if Antonga Black Hawk was Ute or Timpanogo, but the Ute were part of it). The first official massacre tied to the war—the Bear River Massacre, ordered by the US Military—places the death count of just that singular massacre at over five hundred Shoshone, including elders, women, and children. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the number of Indigenous people killed in Utah from 1850, onward, is over a thousand, perhaps two or three.

Pardon me for not reading beyond that point to list more massacres and simply ballparking a number; the source will be linked for you to get an accurate number of dead.

So how did they befriend the Native population? Let alone see them as fully human considering the racism of the time period? Natives were absolutely not seen as fully human so long as they were tied to their culture, and assimilation equalling some sliver of respect was already a stick being waved around as a threat. This lack of humanity continues to the present day.

I’m not saying friendship is impossible. I am saying the sheer levels of mistrust that would exist between random wandering groups of white/pale men and Indigenous communities wouldn’t exactly make that friendship easy. Having the scene end be a genuine friendship feels ignorant and hollow and flattening of ongoing genocide, because settlers lied about their intentions and then lined you up for slauther (that’s how the Timpanogo were killed and enslaved).

Utah had already done most of its mass killing by this point. The era of trusting them was over. There was an active open hunting season, and the acceptable targets were the Indigenous populations of Utah.

(sources for the numbers: 

List of Indian Massacres in North America Black Hawk War (1865-1872))

Issue 3: “Proper housing/clothes and so forth”

Do you mean Western style settlements and jeans? If yes, congratulations you have written a reservation which means the land-ripped-away wounds are going to be fresh, painful, and sore.

You do not codify what you mean by “proper”, and proper is another one of those deeply loaded colonial words that can mean “like a white man” or “appropriate for their tribe.” For the time period, it would be the former. Without specifying which direction you’re going for, I have no idea what you’re imagining. And without the name of the media, I don’t know what the basis of this is.

The reservation history of this time period seems to maybe have some wiggle room; there were two reservations allocated for the Ute at this time, one made in 1861 and another made in 1882 (they were combined into the Uintah and Ouray Indian Reservation in 1886). This is all at the surface level of a google and wikipedia search, so I have no idea how many lived in the bush and how many lived on the reserve. 

There were certainly land defenders trying to tell Utah the land did not belong to them, so holdouts that avoided getting rounded up were certainly possible. But these holdouts would be far, far more hostile to anyone non-Native.

The Ute seemed to be some degree of lucky in that the reserve is on some of their ancestral territory, but any loss of land that large is going to leave huge scars. 

It should be noted that reserves would mean the traditional clothing and housing would likely be forbidden, because assimilation logic was in full force and absolutely vicious at this time. 

It’s a large reserve, so the possibility exists they could have accidentally ended up within the borders of it. I’m not sure how hostile the state government was for rounding up all the Ute, so I don’t know if there would have been pockets of them hiding out. In present day, half of the Ute tribe lives on the reserve, but this wasn’t necessarily true historically—it could have been a much higher percentage in either direction.

It’s up to you if you want to make them be reservation-bound or not. Regardless, the above mentioned genocide would have been pretty fresh, the land theft in negotiations or already having happened, and generally, the Ute would be well on their way to every assimilation attempt made from either residential schools, missionaries, and/or the forced settlement and pre-fab homes.

To Answer Your Question

I don’t want another flattened, sanitized portrayal of genocide.

Look at the number of dead above, the amount of land lost above, the amount of executive orders above. And try to tell me that these people would be anything less than completely and totally devastated. Beyond traumatized. Beyond broken hearted. Absolutely grief stricken with almost no soul left.

Their religion would have been illegal. Their children would have been stolen. Their land was taken away. A saying about post-apocalyptic fiction is how settler-based it is, because Indigenous people have already lived through their own apocalypse.

It would have all just happened at the time period this story is set in. All of the grief you feel now at the environment changing so drastically that you aren’t sure how you’ll survive? Take that, magnify it by an exponential amount because it happened, and you have the mindset of these Native characters.

This is not a topic to tread lightly. This is not a topic to read one masterpost and treat it as a golden rule when there is too much history buried in unmarked, overfull graves of school grounds and cities and battlefields. I doubt the movie you’re using is good representation if it doesn’t even hint at the amount of trauma these Native characters would have been through in thirty years.

A single generation, and the life that they had spent millennia living was gone. Despite massive losses of life trying to fight to preserve their culture and land.

Learn some history. That’s all I can tell you. Learn it, process it, and look outside of checklists. Look outside of media. 

And let us have our grief.

~ Mod Lesya

On Question Framing

Please allow me the opportunity to comment on “are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s?” That strikes me as the same type of question as asking what color food I’d like for lunch. I don’t see how the cultural backgrounds of characters I have literally no other information about is supposed to make me want anything in particular about them. I don’t know anything about their personalities or if they have anything in common.

Compare the following questions:

“Are there things you’d like to see in a movie where two American women, one from a Nordic background and one Jewish, are interacting?” I struggle to see how our backgrounds are going to yield any further inspiration. It certainly doesn’t tell you that we’re both queer and cling to each other’s support in a scary world; it doesn’t tell you that we uplift each other through mental illness; it doesn’t go into our 30 years of endless bizarre inside jokes related to everything from mustelids to bad subtitles.

Because: “white”, “Jewish”, and “Native American” aren’t personality words. You can ask me what kind of interaction I’d like to see from a high-strung overachieving woman and a happy-go-lucky Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and I’ll tell you I’d want fluffy f/f romance. Someone else might want conflict ultimately resolving in friendship. A third person might want them slowly getting on each other’s nerves more and more until one becomes a supervillain and the other must thwart her. But the same question about a cultural demographic? That told me nothing about the people involved.

Also, the first time I meet a new person from a very different culture, it might take weeks before discussion of our specific cultural differences comes up. As a consequence, my first deep conversations with a Costa Rican American gentile friend were not about Costa Rica or my Jewishness but about things we had in common: classical music and coping with breakups--which are obviously conversations I could have had if we were both Jewish, both Costa Rican gentiles, or both something else. So in other words, I’m having trouble seeing how knowing so little about these characters is supposed to give me something to want to see on the page.

Thank you for understanding.

(And yes, I agree with Lesya, what’s with this trend of people trying to explain their fandom in a roundabout way instead of mentioning it by name? It makes it harder to give meaningful help….)

--Shira

[littlemisspascal]

Death and an Angel part 6

Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Three things happen at once. 

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,114

Warnings: Swearing, backstory, angsty angst, fluffy fluff, mutual pining finally acknowledged, overuse of italics, don’t mess with Din’s Cupid or he’ll kill you

Author Note: Important please read this! Ok, so if you’ve been following along you’ll know I had no outline for this originally. And well, that’s come back to bite me. I had to make an edit to Part 2, a small one but still the very beginning will look marginally different if you’ve read it before today’s date Dec. 16, 2020. Basically, I took away the implication that You don’t know exactly how You became a Cupid. So, yeah. Hopefully moving forward I’ll be better handling all this *awkward shuffling*. As always, thank you for all the support and I appreciate every one of you so much ❤

Links to Part 1 and Part 5 and Part 7

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

Silence floods the ship in the wake of your admission, stifling and charged with enough tension you fear breathing too loud will set off a chain reaction with disastrous results. It makes the hair on the back of your neck prickle, every instinct inside of you screaming to teleport away, if only so you no longer have to see Din stubbornly trying and failing to hide his internal turmoil behind a mask of indifference. 

When he opens his mouth, you tense but the question slices through you all the same. “When?”

You hesitate, making a face. “Din, we really don’t have time for this. Let’s just move on—”

Without warning, the hand holding your elbow slides to your wrist and twists, turning your palm up for inspection. Din stares at the blank expanse of skin, then slowly his gaze lifts, and he releases you as if you’ve poisoned him.

“You’ve never lied to me before, angel. Did you honestly think now was the best time to start?” he asks, and something breaks inside of you when he looks at you as if you’ve become a total stranger to him.

But before any pain can begin to sink in, anger overcomes you as his assumption registers.

“I’m not lying, you asshole,” you say sharply, feeling a faint pulse of petty satisfaction when you notice the subtle way his stance shifts defensively, betraying his surprise at your boldness. Resting your hands on your hips, you fix him with your fiercest glare. “For all that you are a powerful ancient being of the universe, you are also the biggest, most ignorant fool I’ve ever met. You have absolutely no idea how Cupids become Cupids, do you?”

You don’t offer him even a second to respond, too wound up and fueled by the overwhelming desire to make him get it. To make him understand you’re not purposefully trying to hurt him. If it were up to you, you’d make sure he never felt any kind of pain. But that would require having a choice and that is the one thing the universe did not grant you as a Cupid.

“Every Cupid was once a mortal with a soulmate,” you explain, choosing each word with careful precision while watching his face to make sure his focus never wavers. “And every one of us was rejected by them. When we die, we’re transformed into Cupids, losing our soulmate markings in the process.” When you feel your bottom lip begin to wobble, you pause to take a steadying breath. “You asked me before, what is the true purpose of a Cupid? It’s to help others find the kind of love we never experienced for ourselves.”

Din stands there in front of you, still staring passively, and you’re scared for a moment your words have made no difference, but then his jaw clenches so tightly you hear his teeth grinding. 

“You were rejected?” he growls, vicious and guttural, the sound of a feral beast.

He pivots, fist colliding with the wall with enough force it dents the metal beneath his knuckles. You flinch at the noise, shocked at the abuse he’s inflicted upon his beloved ship. Every bone in his hand should have shattered upon impact, but because Death is immune to such damage he merely turns back to you, breathing raggedly and eyes blackened with rage.

“Tell me his name.”

You’ve already begun shaking your head before you say, “So you can go hunt him down? Hell no. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.”

Instead of pacifying him, this only infuriates him further. “How can you say that? That bastard broke your heart when he was supposed to cherish you, protect you, love you above all else.”

“You think I don’t know that?” you ask peevishly, letting your temper get the better of you. Sparing a moment to mentally count to ten, you quietly reveal, “I can say it doesn’t matter because I don’t even remember who he was. There is no point sending you to kill someone who’s face I can’t pick out of a crowd.”

The sudden way Din’s whole body slumps in response to the news, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, expression scrunched and dumbfounded, would have made you laugh if the circumstances were entirely different. Being what they are, you can only meet his stare evenly, silently assuring him you’re not joking in the slightest.

“I don’t understand,” Din says at last, looking like he wants to approach but is unsure you’ll welcome his nearness so he keeps his distance. “You never told me you had memory loss before. What happened to you?”

You shrug helplessly. “I don’t know. For as long as I’ve been a Cupid, all my memories from my mortal life have dark spots, like something poked holes in them.”

Din glances away as he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like ‘Or someone’ but before you can comment, his tone rises to its usual volume as he says, “Is this why you collect all those old newspapers? To try to help you remember?”

You recall with embarrassment him having previously commented on the pile in your living room. That moment feels like years ago, the two of you sitting in your apartment and Din asking...if Cupids were on the list of potential soulmates. Was that his way of asking if you were on the list? Surely not. He’s much cleverer than that.

...Isn’t he?

“I just,” you shake your head, refocusing on the current conversation. “I keep thinking maybe I’ll find something that fills in the gaps. I don’t like this pit in my stomach, this feeling that I’ve forgotten something important.” You huff a self-deprecating chuckle. “Other than my soulmate, I mean.”

He offers you a smile, small and lopsided, likely meant to be consoling, but you see right through it. You see his pain in the tightness around his mouth, in the way his fingers flex at his sides like it’s taking all his self-control not to reach out to you. Your confession has hurt him. Badly. It’s the kind of hurt no amount of bacta can heal.

The silence returns, different than the one usually experienced during hyperspace in that it wishes to be broken, for someone to say something, anything. You would grant its wish except your thoughts are a jumbled mess inside your head. Deep down, there is a part of you which knows there is nothing you can say that will fix this—this being the chasm forming between you and Din, widening with every passing second spent staring wordlessly at each other. 

Would telling him sooner have prevented this heartbreak? Probably. But looking back, you can’t think of an opportune moment. You had never thought your crush could be requited—not just because you were already matched, but also because it had always seemed so ridiculous, imagining the great and powerful Death feeling anything remotely close to affection for an unimportant, low-ranking Cupid. 

“Angel,” Din begins after a few minutes, his voice anchoring you back in the present. He’s staring over your shoulder, brow furrowed thoughtfully and you can practically hear the gears turning inside his head. “Earlier, you said you didn’t tell your boss I was your client. Why didn’t you?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stutter, before an unexpected wave of boldness comes over you. Digging your finger into the armor on his chest, you remind him, “You came to me first, remember? Not them. So, I figured you didn’t want them knowing.”

“I couldn’t care less who knows,” Din deadpans.

“Oh.” You blink, hand falling back along your side, because what else can you say.

“You want to know what I think?” Oh Maker, he’s stepping closer until there’s only a foot of space between you two. His voice is a low, raspy murmur, sending your heartbeat into overdrive. “I think you didn’t want them knowing because you like being the only angel who does.”

You start to squirm, fight or flight instincts at total war with each other. His theory isn’t too far from the truth, making it all the worse hearing it out loud because it practically oozes possessiveness which is exactly what you’d feared.

“Before you pull away from me again,” Din continues, knowing you and your mind too damn well. “I want you to listen when I say nothing that you’ve told me changes how I feel about you.”

“Din—” you try, only for your voice to crack.

Then three things happen at once.

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

“I’ve been alone my entire existence and I kept telling myself that was how the universe intended it to be. That I couldn’t love anyone because I kill everything I touch.” A smile pulls at his lips when he looks down at his bare hand and a note of awe slips into his voice. “Then you came along, beautiful and clumsy and unafraid to call me out for being an ass. I started looking forward to each full moon because it meant I got to see you and admire every new detail about your life you chose to share with me. And then when this appeared,” he nods towards the soulmate marking, gleaming faintly beneath the overhead lighting, “all I could think of was you.”

You feel your throat becoming thick as you blink back tears, inhaling sharply through your nose. “Why didn’t you say anything at the train station? Why would you let me try to set you up with matches if you liked me that way?”

Din grimaces, abashed. “Because after you said there weren’t any Cupids on your list, I realized you didn’t know I liked you. I convinced myself I had to show you how I felt, instead of tell you. Although,” he holds up a finger, backtracking, “I actually almost did confess, on our way to Sorgan, but you stopped me. And that just further convinced me actions spoke louder than words. I knew none of the people you found me could ever compare with you, so I thought once you saw each unsuccessful connection, you’d realize the only hand I want to hold is yours.”

“Din, it can’t be me.” Your protest is weak, on the verge of caving in, forcing you to try another angle. “I can’t have two soulmates.”

He inhales a breath so sharp and unexpected, it startles your poor heart into skipping a beat.

Din looks at you like you’ve gifted him all the stars in the galaxy, brown eyes blown wide with hope. “Angel, do you mean it? That you consider me—”

“Of course, you idiot.” You attempt a laugh, but it comes out sounding broken and forced. “As Death, as Din, as whoever you want to be, I’ll always consider you. But...what if what happened on Sorgan happens to us? What if the universe doesn’t favor us?”

“I just want to be yours.” Din extends his hand towards you. “And if that means breaking the universe’s rules, then fuck it. We’ll make up our own. Together.”

Time seems to stand still, like you’ve entered a realm separate from the rest of the universe where you’re able to forget you have a complicated past, filled with holes and a soulmate who rejected you. Here it’s just you, Din, and his offer to love you unconditionally. Here you have a choice.

And it’s the easiest one you’ve ever made.

You slowly lift up your hand to hover in front of his, fingers trembling as they uncurl.

“Together,” you whisper.

And then your hands are moving to meet one another, closer and closer until his fingertips brush yours, sending a spark of warmth through your nervous system. Oh, Maker, you had described what you imagined a soulmate connection was like, but you had no idea this is the true experience. It’s like a sunrise dissolving midnight skies, lighting up your surroundings with breathtaking vibrancy. You can’t fathom how you survived all this time being in his presence without feeling his touch.

“Dank farrik,” he mutters hoarsely, sounding just as overwhelmed and awestruck as you feel.

You open your mouth, but instead of words a whimper of agony escapes instead. That lovely warmth spreading from your linked hands has started to boil, white-hot and furious. It’s as if all your internal parts have caught fire and are slowly withering to ash—your organs, your bones, even your kriffing blood. 

Your body crumples and Din cries out your name, but you don’t get to hear him say it, unconscious before your head collides with the floor.

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[imaginesmai]

Arvin Russell - The preacher’s sins (1/2)

Requested by an anon, please enjoy it! It was too long, so I divided it in two parts. I’ll post the next one tomorrow!

Plot: there is nothing bigger for you than the love you feel for Arvin Russell. Not a lot of people can awaken what he does in you, with his cheeky smile and chocolate eyes. Now, a stranger threatens to break that bond, manipulating where it hurts the most.

Warnings: It’s the devil all the time, and you know the preacher. So if you’re reading this, it’s because you’re alright with what’s about to happen. Anyway, violence and manipulation.

Arvin’s car was waiting for you when your shift at the café ended. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face when you thought about the upcoming events; a whole weekend just for the two of you, in your house since your parents were away in a business travel. That meant you could sleep in the same bed, have your own space and dream about finally moving in together. As you crossed the street jogging, your bag hanging from your left shoulder, you thought you could get used to it.

He was smoking, looking ahead and lost in his thoughts. Some wild strands of hair had fallen on his face, making him look a bit more childish that usually. Arvin Russell looked as handsome as ever, and for two whole days, would be handsome only for you.

“Arv” you announced your presence when you climbed in the seat beside him, rubbing your arms in an attempt to get ride of the rain’s coldness.

“Hey, pretty girl”

Arvin dropped his denim jacket over you, and while you put it on, he threw his cigarrete through the window’s car, moving his hand around to get ride of the smoke. Once he made sure you wouldn’t choke with it, he closed the car’s windows and looked at you with a half-smile.

“I can’t believe it’s finally happening” you giggled softly, enjoying that moment of excitement and peace.

“Hope ya haven’ changed your mind” Arvin quickly pressed his lips against your cheek, before starting the car. “How was work?”

As you started talking about a cute dog which owner had let you pet, Arvin drove you to your house. He managed to listen to the story, drive safely and sneak a hand so that he could hold yours.

During most of the weeks, it was hard to see him. He was busy with his family and his part times job, taking what he could to earn a little money. Lenora took a lot of his time too, because she often got picked up by the bullies at highschool and Arvin insisted in picking her up every day. Then, he went with her to the grave yard to visit his mother, and he stayed with her until she finished. Sometimes, he would sneak for a few minutes and come visit you in the café, ordering the cheapest thing in the menu and watching you for afar.

Neither of you had a lot of free time. Your family, humble and hard-working, was also very conservative, so even if they accepted your relationship with Arvin, they didn’t like when he stayed at night. His family didn’t have a lot of free space neither, and if they had they didn’t see with good eyes sleeping together before marriage.

That week hadn’t been different. You had been working every afternoon until the sun came down, and then drove back home. The only difference was that you had been stopping briefly at the church, to talk with the new preacher. You knew Arvin didn’t like him – which was why the mood darkened on the way to your house.

“He ain’t good, Y/N” he grumbled, briefly looking at you.

“You don’t know him, it’s just – he’s new here, he needs a chance to prove himself” you defended. “I know what he did to your grandma was wrong, but we can’t judge him by one mistake!”

“It wasn’ just one mistake. He talks and talks ‘bout how everyone is a sinner but ‘im” Arvin protested.

“Arvin, please” you shifted closer to him and placed a hand on his arm. “It’ll be just a few minutes. He told me he needed my help with something, you don’t even have to see him.”

The preacher, indeed, had told you the previous day that he wanted to meet you in the church on Friday. You hadn’t told him your plans with Arvin, even if he was kind of interrupting your peaceful weekend with your boyfriend; probably, because you knew he wouldn’t approve you spending the night with him.

Deep inside, you knew that Arvin was probably right; he always was at the end, no matter what he was talking about. He was the one who said that the boy who Lenora’s was after wasn’t a good man, and now he had fun chasing her with a bag and awful words. There was something about the preacher that you didn’t like either, but you still didn’t know what. For now, you wanted to be on his good side.

“So? Can we stop?”

“I’d feel better if not” Arvin scoffed. “But I guess that’s a yes”

Arvin stopped on the graveyard, an empty place where the sun was setting already. It was dark and silent, and even you, who wanted to stop, were starting to reconsider the decision. You looked out the window, seeing that the church’s door was open and a dim light could be seen from the inside. Arvin exited the car without another word, and you knew he was pissed. He wasn’t too keen on sharing his feelings, even more when they weren’t of love or happiness.

You had been dating for seven months officially, and it had been ten since he asked you for a date after your shift at the café. There was no way you could make him talk about it and comfort him before the sun disappeared completely, so you decided to ignore him and walk towards the church. Still, before entering you looked back, half expecting him to be ready to leave and pick you later. But he had lighted up another smoke and was leaning against the car, looking to his feet.

Much less happier than before, you entered the church. You wanted nothing more than Arvin to be happy, and if you were up to wish anything, for him to have a better relationship with the rest of Knockemstiff; starting with the preacher.

He was sitting in the first row, reading from a small book. The faint lights you had seen came from the candles, which made the place much more scarier than usually. You didn’t think anything about it, not even when you made yourself heard by calling him and he told you to close the door. It was a cold, October day, so you guessed there was nothing wrong with it. After looking at Arvin once more, and receiving no smiles, you closed the door behind you.

“What did you want me for, preacher?”

“Come sit with me, Y/N” he patted the bench beside him, and you approached him. “You ever read the bible?”

“Um, a little. Lenora reads to me sometimes, a-and from what I hear on Sundays” you explained, not really wanting to say it out loud.

The truth was that you had never learned how to read. You had had to drop out of highschool at a young age because your mother had fallen ill, and your father couldn’t manage the family business on his own. With no money to buy books or material, your father had you help in on the shop. You were good with numbers, from years of experience, and you were starting to know what some words were written like thanks to Lenora and Arvin. But not a lot of people in Knockemstiff knew that you didn’t write the orders down in the café because you didn’t know how.

The preacher hummed, finally raising his eyes from the small book on his lap. He shifted closer to you, until you were sure you could hear his heartbeat. He showed you what he had been so focused on, and while you knew some of the letters, it all looked like garbage.

“This is my favourite part” he said, his voice soft but with a sharp edge. “Mom used to read it to me every night, too. You know it?”

“U-um, yeah” you said. Quickly, you tried to search for a word that you could understand. Lenora always read to you a passage of the bible when you went to their house, and maybe you could know what was it about. However, the preacher closed the bible before you had time to find it.

“God is merciful and benevolent, Y/N” he stretched one arm behind your shoulders, and you felt tears run to your eyes when you understood he knew it. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of – Arvin had managed to convince you it wasn’t, but you felt embarrassment crawl through your spine. “He forgives us all, all of our sins. But you know what is what he doesn’t forgive? Lies”

The back of your hair was grabbed with so much force that you emitted a low cry. If the door had been open, maybe Arvin would have heard you. But he angrily pacing around the graveyard, thinking about how he shouldn’t be so hard with you, and you were too afraid and embarrassed to scream any louder.

You were met with the preacher’s hard eyes, hateful and unforgivable. The back of your head throbbed from how hard he was gripping it, and finally a lonely tear made its way down your cheek. It seemed to offend him more, because he squeezed harder.

“You think you’re worthy of stepping into this temple?” he hissed, his hot breath making you shudder. “You think I wouldn’t find out that you can’t read? Or that you spend the nights with that boyfriend of yours?”

“Preacher –“

“Shut the fuck up!”

The nice man who you had been talking to the rest of the week disappeared in thin air, and you were thrown to the ground with a force you didn’t know the kind preacher had. A small cry of pain left your lips as your right wrist bent awkwardly against the edge of the bench, and you tried to move away. But the preacher had other ideas, because he hoisted you up until his face was inches away from you again.

You were sure he would just bash your head against the bench and Arvin would only have your cold body for the weekend when his face morphed, and that calm that always surrounded him was back. He sat on the bench again, and put his head against his hands, as if he was in deep thinking. Before you could think about running out of there screaming Arvin’s name, the preacher talked.

“Get naked”

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists​, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

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[maybedefinitely404]

For You Became My Lighthouse (Part 2)

Genre: hurt/comfort

Pairing: romantic Prinxiety

Content: argument, crying, a decent dose of awkward but it gets resolved!

Word count: 4.1k

Comment: This is the fourth time I’ve tried to post this--- Part 1 HERE!

Roman, is everything alright?

-Logan

Roman ran a hand through his hair at the message, checking the time at the top of the screen. It was late, far too late, so it was safe to assume that Logan had heard about the spat from Virgil. He should have been home by now. It was just… impossible to convince himself to actually leave the rehearsal studio. He had a younger acting class tomorrow and was perfecting his lesson plan- even though he already knew it was perfect, and his director had already approved it. Just, anything to keep him from going home.

He’d been a dick. Such was obvious; from the second his finger had hit send, he regretted approximately everything in his life that had led to this moment. That day had been particularly bad, overrun with rehearsals he was either taking part in or directing, and gearing up for tech week of a large production. Who knew trying to block a scene with a flurry of pre-teens could take so much out of you? Rinse and repeat the cycle with two more classes to teach back to back and an achingly long dance rehearsal, add in a desperate and fruitless search for a replacement lead in his upcoming directorial debut, and you’d have what Roman would categorize as a “shit show of a day”. 

All he wanted to do at the end of it was spend some time with his boyfriend, without having to talk about his day, so he’d suggested the most basic date his fried brain could conjur. Then his work desk was unceremoniously reacquainted with his forehead as he smacked it into the wood, letting out a groan that bordered on a yell. Luckily, minutes ago everyone had abandoned the theatre, and he’d been trusted with the keys to lock up from a stagehand. He just had a couple more things to do, and then he could drive home. 

Getting a reply of denial from Virgil was nothing new. In fact, he’d been warned in the transition from reluctant acquaintanceship to inevitable friendship, that he tended to veto ideas if they were sudden, or too daunting, or if he was just feeling shitty. It was something that Roman never considered a deal breaker, and he’d slowly come to much rather enjoy a night of cuddling and watching television than going out anyways. Call it ‘getting old’, call it ‘Virgil’s homebody ways creeping into his psyche’. So usually, getting his plans rejected was no big deal. 

Except for today, when he was well and past his limit of frustration, and things not going to plan. He’d typed out and sent the snarky reply far before he’d thought it out whatsoever, and ranted out complaints that hadn’t ever crossed his mind before, which he immediately regretted. In a moment of shame so great it caused physical nausea, he tossed his phone into one of his desk drawers and slammed it shut. 

It buzzed once, twice, and then went silent. 

Until, of course, it began to go berserk an indecipherable amount of time later, and Roman couldn’t ignore it. Seeing Logan’s text, along with about a million missed calls from him and Patton, broke the fragile sense of calm he’d tried to achieve while working. 

He didn’t want to go home and face his consequences. Childish, yes. Well deserved, also yes, but he was afraid of Virgil’s inevitable anger. If this led to a breakup, a fight that wasn’t recoverable, he’d never forgive himself. 

And now…

Roman, is everything alright?

-Logan

I can see you’ve read my text message.

-Logan

I’m at work. 

You’re inconceivably moronic. Get home. Now.

-Logan

Roman sighed heavily through his nose, clenching his jaw. He began typing out another snarky response- because apparently he never learned- when another text came through.

Virgil was in significant distress last I spoke to him and he has stopped answering me and Patton. Go. Home.

-Logan

Please. If not for my sake, then for Virgil’s.

-Logan

Fuck.

Roman barely had the sense to lock the doors of the building in his rush, throwing the spare key back in through the mail slot and booking it to his car. He sent some sort of confirmation that he was going and tossed the phone to his back seat. Virgil hated when he used it while driving.

It was only on the drive back, on unusually empty roads, did he realize it was well past nine. He hadn’t even noticed the time passing by.

Most of the lights in the apartment complex were still on when he pulled into the car park, but their window visible on this side showed only darkness. He wasn’t used to entering a dark apartment.

Their flat was silent, the living room only illuminated by the oven clock and the dim city lights from the balcony. He toed off his shoes as silently as he could, wincing when he kicked their shoe rack, and decided he’d risk turning on the light. When he finally found the switch and flicked it on, he couldn’t help his gasp. 

The room had once been a pristine display, he could tell. A white table cloth adorned their usually bare dining room table and a half burned candle stood as its centrepiece. He approached it in a daze, cautiously resting a hand on the plate of ravioli nearest to him. Cold. Long cold; the pasta was starting to get crusty. 

He picked up the two plates, intent on throwing out the food. It definitely wasn’t safe to eat anymore, and he didn’t feel like warding off an attack of ants in the morning. One of the towels hanging off the oven handle was drenched in what looked like marinara sauce, and it looked like there was some more spilled in the crack between the stove and the counter. That would be fun to clean. 

Both hands full, he opened the cupboard containing the garbage bin with a socked foot, and promptly froze. 

Part of him cringed at the clang the dropped plates made on the counter, but the louder part of him was just repeating a mantra of ‘holy shit, holy shit, holy shit’ and it was considerably out-screaming the other. Hands now shaking, Roman picked up the small box from the sink edge, ignoring the dried, crunchy texture of more tomato sauce on the outside, and opened it. 

It took every ounce of strength for Roman not to collapse to his knees, guilt instantly crushing the air from his lungs, a thousand times heavier than it had been before. An elaborate dinner, a ring… there had been a plan. That’s why Virgil had rejected his offer to go out. 

And he’d been such a dick to him. 

Speaking of which, where was he?

Roman closed the box and set it back where it had been. Their bedroom door was slightly ajar, and the most obvious place Virgil would be, so he padded over and creaked it open just a bit more. The light from the hallway cast a beam onto the bed, illuminating first a mess of hastily thrown clothes; his button up shirt he only used for fancy occasions on top of the pile. 

Virgil’s huddled form was easy to make out, curled away from the door, his only movement being the steady rise and fall of the blanket as he breathed. Figaro lifted his head from where he was settled in the crook of Virgil’s knees and gave Roman an indifferent mrow. 

He couldn’t get into bed with him. There was no scenario where that was the right move. It wasn’t the right time to talk about what had happened, not so late and when they were both riding high on emotions and tiredness, so accidentally waking Virgil was not the way to go. And even if he was sneaky enough to not wake him… a part of him just felt it was wrong. Not when he didn’t know Virgil’s stance on him at the moment.

Or his stance on the relationship.

Well, couch it was. He acknowledged the crumpled weighted blanket and sound blocking headphones- clear aftermath of a bad panic attack- with a quiet curse. Somehow that pit in his stomach got even bigger, making him nauseous as his shame took a physical form. 

He could only pray that they would come back from this. 

Roman’s sleep was fitful, to say the least. At best, he drifted into a state of half-consciousness, where his thoughts could be somewhat quieted down, but the discomfort of the couch and the heavy weight in his heart were still palpable. Inevitably, one of their neighbors would make a noise or the building would make a settling creak or a distant dog would bark, and the state would be broken, leaving Roman wide awake and wracked with guilt once more. He’d never noticed how loud the world was until he wanted nothing more than for the noise to stop. 

The sun was just peaking into the window when their bedroom door widened and Roman flew up, using the back of the couch to steady his sudden sitting position. When their eyes met from across the room, Virgil in his pajamas and face hidden in shadow, a tenseness settled over the room that neither had experienced in their relationship thus far. Virgil froze in the doorway, wavering slightly. It didn’t appear he wanted to be the one to break the silence. 

Roman stood slowly, as though not to spook him.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Virgil whispered with a sniff, and even in that one word Roman could hear the scratchiness of his voice. “I just...uhm,” He cleared his throat, “I just wanted to get some water. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was already awake. No… no worries.” 

Virgil looked down to his feet. “When did you come back?”

“I think just before ten.”

“‘Kay.”

For an all too long moment, both of them seemed to find interest in every part of the room that wasn’t the other’s eyes. It wasn’t until Roman looked towards the kitchen in his awkwardness did he process what Virgil had come out for. 

“I’ll, um…” He pointed weakly to the kitchen and finally convinced his feet to move, filling up a glass from the sink while making a conscious effort to not look at the dishes or wasted food from the evening before. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stop the way his gaze drifted towards the box sitting next to the tap, and judging by Virgil’s sharp inhale, the look hadn’t been subtle. 

He took the glass back to the other, watching him take it with an uncomfortable, “Thanks.”

Virgil downed the glass in one go, his shaking hands almost causing him to spill. He barely had time to take a breath before Roman had zipped the empty glass back onto the counter.

“Do you want more?” He asked, already refilling the glass.

“No, I’m… it’s okay.” 

Roman placed the full glass on the counter quietly and the two were swallowed by heavy silence once again. The clock ticked impossibly loud as they stood, fidgeting, wanting this moment to be over but not wanting to be the one to start it. 

Virgil took a shuddering breath and wrung his hands together.

Roman stared resolutely at a single water drop making its way down the glass.

This was his fault. He’d started it. It seemed only right that he break the tension that almost suffocated him, so even as his mind screamed for him to shut up and every muscle in his body turned to liquid, he opened his mouth to speak.

“Virgil, I-”

“I’m sorry.”

That effectively stopped Roman in his tracks. All night, he’d crafted a collection of apologies, from eloquent monologues to stumbling pleas for forgiveness, but in not one of his countless scenarios had Virgil apologized. 

“I know… I know I can be a lot to handle, I know, I swear. And I was more outgoing when we first met, because I thought I had something to prove and it always exhausted me and I hated it but then we became… I don’t know, official? And closer and… and more comfortable and I didn’t think I had to do that anymore, I didn’t have to keep pushing myself so far!”

“V, stop-”

“The panic attacks and the anxiety and all that shit are a lot for other people and I know that but I didn’t know it was too much for you, I didn’t know you were tired of that and I can be better, I swear, I swear I can go back to how I was in the beginning, just please don’t leave.”

Virgil let out a choked sob and Roman couldn’t stop himself from rushing forward, intent on holding his stupid, stupid boyfriend until he realized this was in no way his fault, only for Virgil to back up before he could do so.

“I’m- I’m not trying to guilt you, I’m sorry, I just, I love you, and I can be better, I can, just give me a chance, please-”

“Virgil, baby, come here.”

This time when he reached forward, Virgil allowed himself to be pulled into his boyfriend’s chest, basically collapsing against him as soon as Roman’s arms tightened around him. The dam broke moments later and Virgil finally let go of his own hands to grab the back of Roman’s shirt with a sense of urgency.

“Please don’t leave, I’m so sorry,” he begged raspily into Roman’s shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” 

Roman hung onto him almost as tightly in return, rocking them back and forth, finally allowing himself to cry. He shoved his face into Virgil’s hair, peppering small kisses and apologies to the crown of his head in between sobs. 

Virgil whined when Roman finally pulled away, but he didn’t go far, cradling his boyfriend’s face in his hands and wiping his tacky cheeks with his thumbs.

“Virgil, I cannot apologize enough for yesterday.”

“What are-” he hiccuped, “What are you talking about? It was my fault.”

“No, no, no no no no no,” Roman whispered, fighting that damn lump in his throat once more. “I had a spectacularly shitty day, and I took it out on you. I was leagues out of line. It wasn’t fair to you and I’m so, so unbelievably sorry.” 

As if the strings were cut on a marionette, all the tenseness dissolved from Virgil’s shoulders and he slumped forward, bumping his head weakly into Roman’s chest. “Can we sit down?”

“Yeah, of course.” Roman clumsily led him to the couch and sat on the adjacent cushion, assuming that if Virgil wanted to talk, he’d want his own space. His assumption was incorrect, however, judging by how Virgil crossed the space almost instantly and buried himself in Roman’s side like a koala. He shifted them both until he was laying on his back, Virgil splayed across him .

“I thought you’d be more upset with me,” He muttered, freeing his hand to run it through Virgil’s hair. His fingers raked through his own tears trapped in the locks and he grimaced.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling right now,” responded Virgil, accompanied by a shuddering breath, “I just need to know that you’re really here. And I need you.”

They were quiet for a moment, watching the sun begin to peek through their window, until Virgil spoke again sardonically.

“If this is a dream, I’m gonna be so pissed.”

Roman snorted despite himself and felt Virgil’s responding half-laugh from where he was tucked against him.  

“I agree. I thought I’d fucked up for good this time.”

A disgruntled meow made Roman crane his neck over the couch, watching Figaro stretch languidly in their bedroom doorway. The cat sidled over to his food bowl and sat pointedly next to it. Feed me. 

“Later, Figaro,” Roman groaned, all too comfortable with Virgil as his blanket. A small part of him was worried that if he moved them at all, the spell would be broken, and they’d lose whatever peace they’d settled into. 

Well, that wouldn’t do at all, not by Figaro’s standards. The cat gave an upset mewl and trotted over to the couch, leaping up with grace and batting Virgil’s legs. It was that pettish action that made Roman realize that Virgil had turned stone still on his lap. Figaro changed his approach to headbutting at his arm in a clear attempt to get pets, but Virgil’s hand stayed still by their sides. 

“What’s going through your head?” Roman murmured. 

“That stuff you said, about me… not contributing to the relationship…” Virgil croaked, and Roman stilled,  “What can I do to-… to fix that? Because I wanna fix it.”

“Baby, no,” Roman whispered, that shame-nausea returning, “I-” He groaned, dropping his head onto the arm of the couch behind him, “I was being an asshole. I didn’t mean that.”

Virgil didn’t budge, still deliberately ignoring Figaro’s futile begging for attention. “Then where did it come from?”

He took a breath deep enough that Virgil rose and fell with his chest, and Roman was struck with the profound urge to pull him closer and never let him go. But that would likely make him feel trapped, and that wasn’t productive. “You remember when I dragged you to that improv show my students put on last year?”

“You introduced me as your boyfriend and we found out the class had placed bets on whether you were gay or not. I don’t know how it wasn’t obvious.”

Roman gasped in mock offense. “Maybe they just were trying not to stereotype!”

“Your phone case is a rainbow-”

“Anyways!” He interrupted, resuming his gentle threading through Virgil’s hair, who snorted but otherwise gave in to the affection. “Remember what happened after?”

“Mmhm.”

It had been a fantastic show, and Roman had been exceedingly proud of his little students, especially since it was his first time ever teaching a class. After the night, when the betting chaos had settled and everyone quickly adopted Virgil as theirs now, they’d pleaded to play a few more improv games before the theatre closed. Seeing as it was their last class, hence the performance in the first place, Roman had acquiesced. But neither of the men had expected for the gang of pre-teens to latch onto Virgil and beg him to play too, despite him having zero theatre experience. 

“Remember what they said?”

“They tried to pack all your lectures into five minutes of information.”

“I don’t lecture, I dazzle.” 

“They thought you were straight.” 

“Only some, and that’s not the point!”

Virgil finally lifted his head, pulling his hands up so he could lay his chin on top of them. He smiled weakly. “Then what is the point?”

“The most important rule of improv is to keep the scene going. No matter what nonsense you have to pull out, just never leave a scene flat.”

There was a quiet moment while the other processed that before, once again, that layer of hurt reappeared on his face. He pushed himself off Roman’s chest in preparation to get up. “So… you’re saying you saw that argument as another scene you had to keep up.”

“No, shit, that came out wrong,” Roman insisted, and Virgil paused suspiciously, “I’m saying, that in a moment of panic, I fell back on bullshitting my way through it! That’s literally what I do for a living!” 

The distrust gave way to resignment and Virgil chewed on his cheek, turning his attention to the window. He sat all the way up on Roman’s legs, leaning back on his shins. “How do I know you’re not bullshitting me right now?” He said. 

“Because,” Roman followed him up, careful not to move his legs and dislodge his boyfriend, “You know I like when the bed is made, and even though you hate making it, you always do when I’m out of the house before you.”

Virgil looked down at his thumb.

“Because you let me choose the music in the car.”

“... you don’t like loud music,” He muttered, picking at the skin around his cuticle.

“You adjust your work schedule to come to every single one of my shows.”

He shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, but you hate working mornings. You let me rant about all my theatre stuff, even if you don’t get any of it.”

“I’m learning.” A faint smile was breaking through.

“You tell me when there’s spinach in my teeth, or my hair is messy, or if I’m acting like an asshole.”

“Well, that’s easy enough.”

Roman reciprocated the smile at that, taking Virgil’s hands in his own to stop the attack at his nail. “I’ve been watching you better yourself for years, even if it’s been really, really hard.”

“What does that have to do with us?” Virgil asked with a small blush, switching his fidgeting tactic to fiddling with Roman’s fingers. 

“Every time you do something that betters yourself, you help us, Virgil.” He leaned forward slowly, giving Virgil the time to move away if he wanted to, and rested their foreheads together. “Yesterday, I fucked up. Badly. You said you were anxious and I still acted like a dick. I kinda thought you’d hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Virgil whispered, seemingly before he had a chance to process it, because his blush multiplied tenfold. Roman grinned. 

“Aw, is someone feeling sappy?”

“Shut up, jackass,” He retorted, bonking their heads together ever so gently. 

“I’m so sorry, Virgil,” Roman said after their giggles and blushes had faded, “It won’t happen again, I swear.” 

In lieu of answering, Virgil closed the already scant distance between their lips, and despite Roman using all of his self control to not sigh into it, he found himself doing so anyways. All the tension bled out of his shoulders at once as Virgil pulled away, pressing one more peck to the tip of his nose, and then leaning back with a small smile. 

“So… that means we’re good?”

“We’re good.”

“Thank god,” Roman groaned, flopping back and dropping his arm over his eyes dramatically. He heard Virgil’s quiet snicker before he resumed his job as a blanket. Except this time, instead of nuzzling his head into Roman’s neck, he could feel the distinct edge of a chin digging into his sternum.

The hand lifted from his eyes to see Virgil staring at him, that goofy little smirk on his face. 

“What?”

“I love you, idiot.”

Well, now they were wearing matching goofy little smirks. 

“I love you too.” 

That seemed to satiate him, because he gave a little nod and laid his head more comfortably on the other’s chest. He could have left the conversation there, content to just let them lay there in peace until the world fell away- or Figaro grew more insistent on being fed- but Roman just couldn’t banish the one persistent thought in the back of his mind. 

“Were you actually going to propose?” He blurted.

Virgil tensed for a moment, and then gave a resigned sigh. “...Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Roman furrowed his eyebrows, desperately hoping he sounded casual, though his heart was pounding far too loudly to not be heard, “I would have said yes. If you did.”

“Oh?” Virgil lifted his head. “You’re blushing, Princey.” He could hear the smug grin.

“Nooo…” Roman whined. His arm draped once more over his eyes in a weak attempt to hide the redness, but he drew it away only moments later when Virgil didn’t retort. 

The man was staring at him with an odd mix of disappointment and amusement, huffing out a breath as he watched Roman’s eyes.

“This wasn’t how I was planning to propose,” He sighed, “It was supposed to be all perfect, and romantic, and stuff. And the surprise is ruined now.”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Roman, continuing before Virgil could cut him off, “If it’s any consolation, I think a proposal in our pajamas, on the couch, would be very us.”

“You’re not in pajamas.”

“I slept in these clothes, they count as pajamas.”

Virgil snickered. Roman counted five breaths as the other’s face melted from a smile to anxiously knit brows, worrying his lip between his teeth as he looked down at him. It took another three for him to speak.

 “So…uh... will you…?”

Roman’s face split into a grin, “Yes, Virgil. Obviously.” 

Virgil’s expression morphed to match his and he swooped down to kiss him again, though they barely could with how much they were smiling. They both devolved into giggles, happy to just stay wrapped in each other’s arms, until Virgil broke away with a gasp.

“Let me grab the ring!”

“Ring can wait,” Roman argued, tightening his grip around his waist to keep him in place, “I want cuddles.”

And so they did.

Taglist:

@max-is-tired

@private-snippers

@joylessnightsky

@marshymoop

@larkiaquail

@noemiescuriosity

@mycatshuman

@cirishere

@vpow

@ray-does-stuff

@sirprplsnail

[monsoonblooms12]

Hey hey hey! These questions are different but hopefully fun!

Not Yet Wed Questions

Note: Great Scott! This week, we are going back in time to MC’s intern year. Think of Ethan’s relationship with them at this point and answer the following questions accordingly. It is entirely up to you when in year 1 this takes place (pre/post Miami, pre/post CH 15, etc). Feel free to answer with dialogue or pictures or both :) Have fun!

No worries. All of this is off the record and HR will never know!

The setting for this answers is:

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Three people at work your coworker hates?

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

(Bonus round! Feel free to skip.)

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

had a fistfight

been kicked out of a bar

gotten a tattoo

broken someone’s heart

been in love

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Last thing he texted you?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Last thing she texted you?

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Bree, Thank you so much for this GENIUS round! A trip down the memory lane, when they just began falling for each other, it was such a beautiful and painful time for them as well as for me. I had a blast, and even though these answers are a pure mess, I had way too much fun answering them. Hope you like them too❤️!

The setting for this answers is: A week and a half after Ethan leaves the Hospital. Land(rat)ry and has been exposed, but Ethan doesn't know about that yet. Also, this is pre-chapter 15.

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

Pooja: Who goes first?

(Silence)

Pooja:...Fine. I'll go first. The first time, all I could notice was his Doctor's Coat and the stern expression that he carried. It was my first day, I was running late, I had a patient who had collapsed in front of me. So obviously I was a bundle of nerves. And seeing a very strict attending really did not help. I was freaking out and kept repeating "Concentrate, Pooja, Concentrate" in my head.

Ethan: So when you saw me, you freaked out?

Pooja: Quite obviously so.

(After a pause) What did you think I would have thought? That you were handsome? (winks)

Ethan: (Caught by surprise) I- Uh- That's not...

(Centers himself with a deep breath) That would have been highly inappropriate.

Pooja: (Smiles in Satisfaction) Your turn, Doc. Or maybe, Ex-Doc, Right?

Ethan: (Ignoring her) I thought you were amateur. Better than most interns on their first days but still, slow and confused.

Pooja: And hence can the nickname "Rookie"?

Ethan: Yes, hence Rookie.

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Ethan: I haven't heard her swear a lot, but the times I have, it's always either "Shit" or "Fuck".

Pooja: For him, it's mostly "Godammit" and on rare occasions, "Fuck". If he uses "Fuck" for an occasion, you know it's serious.

Quick: What color are their eyes?

(In unison, without missing a beat)

Pooja: Ice Blue

Ethan: Amber

(Ethan stares at Pooja, bewildered)

Pooja: What? (With a faux expression of sadness) Are you surprised that my observation skills actually exist?

Ethan: (He seems to regret his expression and tries straightens himself quickly) No, Of Course Not, I do not doubt your skills. (He smiles, but the surprise never leaves his features) It's just that no one ever-

(He looks at her, holding her gaze. They both seem unable look away... Until Ethan breaks eye contact and they concentrate back on the questions)

Three people at work your coworker hates?

Pooja: Can I name three people he doesn't hate? Possibly even that would be a large count.

Ethan: I don't hate anyone.

Pooja: Yaa, I know. You don't care about them enough to even have an opinion about them. Which is even worse than hatred, actually.

Ethan: (Rolls his eyes, but doesn't quite disagree) Dr Sharma and Hatred, on the other hand, is a combination I never have had the opportunity to observe.

Pooja: (A frown appears on her forehead and her jaw clenches tightly. She looks down, trying to control anger coursing through her body)

Ethan: (Looks at her with an eyebrow raised) Am I missing out on something?

Pooja: (Tries her best to keep her voice calm) Nope, nothing.

(Ethan notices that something is wrong, but decides not to push her further)

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

Ethan: Dr Sharma, has a peculiar habit of always humming a song whenever she is writing or typing something. And every time, it's something different. I don't know about endearing, but it's definitely annoying.

Pooja: Please, you should be grateful that you have a walking, talking Spotify who supplies you with new music ad free and you don't even have to pay for premium.

Ethan: You think that you are hilarious, don't you?

Pooja: Oh, I AM hilarious (Rolls her eyes)

Ethan: (Laughs) You said that with an eye roll.

Pooja: And you laughed. So, Point Proved.

Ethan: (Shakes his head with the smile still on face)

Pooja: As for Dr Ramsey, whenever he has to deal with interns, he pulls out all the sarcasm he has, murmurs "Interns" with an annoyed sigh every time one of them begin to speak, and his intensity of rolling eyes increases by at least ten times. (Turning to Ethan) How did you like my description?

E: (Rolls his eyes) Accurate.

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

Ethan: (Scoffs) Crushes... Juvenility at its best.

Pooja: (Opens her mouth to speak)

Ethan: Are you really going to answer the question? Because I am not.

Pooja: You do you and I do I.

(Begins to speak) I think Dr Ramsey has a crush on... (her voice cracks, and a sudden sadness overcome her once happy features. She is unable to complete the sentence and Ethan is unable to look at her)

Ethan: (After a long moment of silence, still not looking at Pooja) Can we please go to the next question?

Never have I Ever:

On the announcement of this round, Pooja brightens up a bit.

Never have I evers have always been one of her favourite games, so there was not a chance in hell she was going to skip the chance of learning about Ethan's secrets.

She turns to Ethan, who's turns to her and raises and eyebrow. His confused face is a precious scene and she cannot help but let out a giggle at it.

Ethan: And what is this now?

Pooja: I was going to ask if you have never watched those celebrity interviews but (she giggles) you and those, don't go together. At all

Ethan: Why would anyone want to answer stupid questions? And Why would someone want to watch them answer those?

Pooja: Because it's fun Dr Terminator. There is fun hidden in stupid things as such.

Ethan: (doesn't speak anything, but gives a small smile while thinking about her words)

Pooja: (takes the smile as a sign) So you are ready.

Ethan: When did I say so?

Pooja: You don't need to word your thoughts for me to know (gives him a smile)

(They hold each other's gaze for a while before Ethan coughs and turn away)

Pooja: (A tinge of sadness in her tone) Okay (coughs) So usually Never have I ever is a drinking game-

Ethan: A drinking game during office hours? (Raises an eyebrow)

Pooja: Says someone who doesn't even work at the office. (She looks at him once before continuing) But we are going to change it up a bit. Sienna, my friend has baked cupcakes today, so I thought why not use them instead? If the answer is yes, they don't get to take a bite from the cupcake. I it's no, then-

Ethan: You get a bite. You will always look for excuses to eat the pastries, won't you?

Pooja: See, you know me well.

(For a while, it seems as if Ethan regrets his statement, but soon he schools his features and any such indication is gone)

come into work hungover

Both Ethan & Pooja sit still, cupcakes intact.

Pooja: (Looks at him, amazed)

Ethan: (Raises an eyebrow)

Pooja: And here I was expecting a sarcastic remark about professionalism.

Ethan: We all have our days, Dr Sharma. Today's yours.

Pooja: It sure is (winks)

had a fistfight

Again, both of them sit still, no one making a move towards their cupcakes.

Pooja: But, it was back in high school, so...

(She moves to take a bite, when)

Ethan: Hey!

Pooja: What?

Ethan: You made the rules but that does not give you an allowance to break the rules.

Pooja: Look at you, getting all competitive over Never have I ever.

Ethan: Absolutely Not. I was just ensuring that the rules are being followed.

Pooja: Suure.

been kicked out of a bar

Both of them take a bite.

Pooja: Finally!

Ethan: (Rolls his eyes while trying to suppress a smile at the site of her getting all excited for a cupcake)

gotten a tattoo

Ethan takes a bite.

Pooja: I think you need to get one.

Ethan: Absolutely not.

Pooja: Don't worry I will let your significant other whenever they arrive, know that they have to make you get one.

(Even if said jokingly, the sentence fills the air with suffocating silence, that is only broken when the next question is asked)

broken someone’s heart

Pooja takes a bite. Ethan looks on.

Pooja: Dr Ramsey?

Ethan: Huh?

Pooja: Aren't you going to take a bite?

Ethan: (after a while) ...No. I am Not.

been in love

(Ethan goes to take a bite, just as...)

Pooja: Dr Ramsey?

Ethan: What is it?

Pooja: Look, I know it's against the rules, but can I pleaseee take a bite from your side?

Ethan: And why would I let you do that?

Pooja: Because A. You know I love cupcakes, B. You are my friend and C. Because I am asking you super sweetly. So, pleeaase? (She looks at him with puppy eyes)

Ethan: (After a momentary pause) ...Fine

Pooja: Thank you Dr Ramsey, You're the best Dr Ramsey-

Ethan: Do you stop or do I have to get a remote to shut you up?

(Pooja laughs, having succeeded in her mission. And before Ethan can stop himself, a smile breaks out on his face as well)

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Professionally I see him coming back to medicine. Maybe Soon, Maybe Later. But I cannot imagine him living the rest of his life away from medicine. This is where he finds his calm. Amidst complex cases that challenge his genius. I also visualize him working on another book, or assisting WHO with its endeavors.

Personally (She pauses, takes a deep breath, and another, and another) I, uh... see him happy. Most probably not married, but in a relationship full of care and satisfaction. He may even start believing in love (laughs) I can't predict the future, but I hope that he finds someone worthy of him. Someone whom he can love without having to constantly worry of a mishap, without questioning all his principles, without retching a battle in his mind. Someone... who can return his care and affection in ten folds (a tear escapes out of the corner of her eye, but she wipes it off as quickly as she can)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Impressive about him? Everything. But especially the kind of doctor he is. For someone who's so genius, it is commonly thought that he would look down on others, berate others on the basis of his excellence and his achievements, be arrogant and rude. But, he is an entire opposite.

Humble, caring, compassionate. Yes, maybe he gives interns an earful from time to time, but he never demotivates them. He is a great teacher, one who knows to keep his feelings apart from his work. To him everyone is equal, even if people suspect him of favoritism. His care and concern for his patients, it's an inspiration for me.

Last thing he texted you?

I...haven't really got any recent texts (or replies, she mumbles) from him. The last one he sent was the day we got back from Miami after the medical conference, which says, "Let me know when you get home safe, okay?"

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

(A small, humorless laugh) He wouldn't ask me out. Definitely not in this life. I am sure he regrets what happened- (Sighs)

I am too complicated of a case for him to pursue.

But, if, in a hypothetical, like, really hypothetical situation, he did ask me, I would say yes. In a heartbeat, to be exact.

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in her personal life?)

Rookie, I mean Dr Sharma, has impeccable talent. And she has more than proved herself during the time I was at the hospital. If she strives hard, and keeps up her hard work, I am sure she can achieve all she wants to. Maybe even restart the Diagnostics Team as a leader. I know she has a bright career in front of her, and as her mentor, I will help her achieve it in every way I can.

Bree: And personally?

Uh... Happy. She will definitely be happy, with someone who can make her smile her dazzling smile, who can give her the best life she deserves, and stand with her through thick and thin. Someone who doesn't break her heart due to their own... flaws. Someone,

Someone who can love her.

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Ethan: Attractive? She is my intern, why would you expect me to make a statement as such?

Bree: So you don't think she is attractive?

Ethan: Of course I do. She has a sparkle in her eyes, the passion for medicine evident. The way she smiles when she talks to patients, the way she reassures them, how-

(He stops on his track. Regrets his words. Pinching the bridge of his nose he signals to go onto the next question)

Last thing she texted you?

"You know you can just tell me if you don't want me to text you. It would hurt, but this silence, the feeling of shouting into a void, it hurts more."

(He doesn't expand on it. Just sits for a while, looking at the cell phone, before turning it off and placing it aside)

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Ethan: She Wouldn't... Not after what I- (he sighs)

Maybe in another life, if I am lucky enough, I would say yes. But now....

It's a risk. And I can say from experience that it would not end well. The harm it may cause, the hurt I may cause...

She doesn't deserve it.

Bree: But there are no more professional complications now that you have quit, Dr Ramsey. Then why do you feel as such?

Ethan: It's about personal complications.

----

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[wiypt-writes]

Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

Ch7: Old Habits Die Hard

Part 1

Co-Written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: The Losers head to Mexico for Pooch’s wedding but there’s something wrong with Stella…

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson

Warnings: Bad language and a whole heap of angst.

A/N: So this chapter is a LONG one- so it’s split into a number of parts, to be posted over the next week or so. A LOT going down, and we really hope you enjoy it as it’s our favourite one to date for these pair of dumbasses.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. We do not own any characters in this series bar Stella Stevenson and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 6

 April 2008

Clay, Roque, Cougar and Jake arrived in Mexico on a glorious Thursday morning, two days before Pooch's wedding and wasted no time in settling into their hotel and kicking back with a few drinks, soaking up the sun and taking the chance to relax. Cougar was in his element, being in his native country and an area which he knew particularly well. That evening he took them away from the resort of Cozumel to a little village fifteen miles or so inland where they visited a few back alley bars he knew, meeting up with a couple of his friends. The Losers then found themselves roped into several games of poker, all of them losing a fairly substantial amount of money until Clay, rather sensibly, called time on the gambling to avoid Future Mrs Pooch going thermonuclear at them for gambling away any future Mini Pooches’ inheritance money. They somehow made it back to the hotel and managed to deliver Pooch safely to his intended. The man could hardly stand by the time they got back thanks to the copious amount of Tequila he had consumed, something Clay, Roque and Jensen were quick to blame on Cougar when an irate Jolene opened the door to their suite, a furious look on her face.

As it stood, the hangovers they were all suffering on Friday morning were clearly their penance for leading Pooch astray. Jake had woken up with a mouth like he had been eating sand, and had stood in a cold shower for fifteen minutes solid trying to find it in him to function like a normal human being. He headed down for breakfast ten minutes before the hotel was due to stop serving and spotted Clay, Cougar and Roque sat at a table on the outside balcony, all sporting sunglasses and looking as bad as he felt. Jensen helped himself to as much as his plate could handle from the buffet and tucked in. He was beyond thankful that the food went someway to actually settling his churning stomach as opposed to making it worse. As he downed his fourth orange juice of the morning, he felt his mobile buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out, his lips quirking into a smile as he read the message.

"It's Stel." He announced to the table. "She says ETA about forty minutes."

"How come she isn't here already?" Roque asked and Jensen rolled his eyes.

"Agent Shit-name was working, apparently. Meant they could only fly out early this morning." He swallowed the bite of toast he had rather viciously taken at the thought of Stel’s asshat boyfriend.

"Touchy subject." Clay looked at Roque. "Pooch is still low-key pissed she missed his Batchelor party."

Roque said nothing, simply raised his eyebrows as Jensen leaned back in his chair, massaging his now full stomach. "The guy is a dick." He spat venomously.

"Yes, but there's gonna be no trouble." Cougar turned to him, tipping his hat up slightly so he could see him.

"I'm a lover, not a fighter, Cougs." Jensen grinned and Cougar gave a snort, shaking his head.

They finished breakfast and after several more coffees were eventually ushered out of the restaurant by a very harassed looking waiter. As they wandered back through the hotel lobby, Clay stopped and waved, causing Jensen to turn and look, a smile spreading across his face as he saw Stella walking through the door pulling her suitcase. He frowned at the fact asshole wasn’t carrying it for her, but as Stella approached them he realised that Evan was nowhere to be found.

“Where’s agent Shit-Name?” He blurted out by way of greeting, and Stella responded with a filthy glare, otherwise ignoring him completely. She turned instead to greet Roque and Cougar before she gave Clay a huge hug.

“Good flight, Arty?” Roque asked and she smiled at him, popping a shoulder.

“As good as it gets. But they didn’t have tomato juice. Would you believe it?”

Clay gave a huge laugh. “Since when have you drunk that stuff?”

“It’s not that bad, plus if you drink alcohol on a plane you get severe dehydration.” She replied.

“You’re making that up.” Jake looked at her and she turned her attention to him, giving him an appraising look.

“I read it in Science.” She quipped back. Jake blinked, before he burst out laughing and she grinned and shook her head. “I’m just joking. I had several gin and tonics and glass of wine. I’m good.”

Roque looked at Clay. “What just happened?”

“They do this.” Clay answered. “Have you not noticed yet?”

Roque rolled his eyes and then Cougar asked the question that all of them had been dying to know the answer to. “Where’s Evan?”

Well, all bar Jake that is as he couldn’t have cared less.

Stella shifted a little, rubbing her neck, Jake instantly spotting her discomfort. “He errr, he couldn’t make it.”

“He bailed on you?” Roque frowned at the same time Clay blurted out.

“What do you mean he couldn’t make it?”

Stella licked her lips and at that point Jensen jumped in. He could see her flustered and despite his dislike of her boyfriend, he hated seeing her like that so he offered her a way out. “Work?”

She nodded, shooting him a thankful look. “Yeah, something came up.”

“Of course it came up.” Clay grumbled loudly. Whether he had meant for Stella to hear or not, hear she did. And what was more, it was apparent he didn’t believe Evan’s excuse any more than she did. Stella swallowed, she had always trusted Clay’s judgement and it was unnerving a little to realise exactly what he thought.

She took a deep breath. “I’m gonna go check in.” As she reached for her bag, a hand softly batted hers away as Jensen grabbed the handle.

“I got it.”

As soon as the two of them were out of earshot, Cougar turned to Clay as Roque shook his head

“Bastard.” Clay spat. “He’s not come and left her to pick up the flack and explain to Pooch.”

Cougs mumbled a swear word in Spanish as Clay’s eyes flicked to Stella and Jake before he pulled out his phone.

“’m gonna make some calls. Meet you at the pool bar in a while.”

*****

As they stood in the queue for the reception desk, a bunch of people all having descended to check in at once, Jake turned to Stella and took a deep breath. “Wanna tell me what’s really going on?”

“Nothing is going on, Jake.” Stella’s tone was level but firm, an indication she didn’t want to discuss the topic.

But Jensen never had been one to take heed of warnings. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you should.” She turned to face him, raising her brow a little. “Tell me, any Mexican chick fallen at your feet yet?”

He sighed, throwing his head back and giving a low groan. “C’mon, Stel, I thought we were past this?”

“Past what?” Her tone was innocent but Jake could tell she didn’t dare look him in the eye. Instead, she concentrated on searching for something in her purse.

“Holding out on one another.” He answered, looking at her. “You’re still my best friend.”

“Well, forgive me if I sometimes forget.” She rolled her eyes as she produced her credit card.

“Okay okay, you don’t wanna tell me then fine.” Jensen rubbed at his eye before pushing his glasses back up his nose. “Whatever.”

Stella looked at him before she gave a little sigh, and hung her head slightly. “Ev’s busy, okay? Something last minute came up and he...”

“Let me guess.” Jake rolled his eyes. “He asked you not to come without him and when you told him to fuck off you had an argument.”

“No, actually.” Stella fixed him with a glare, narrowing her eyes “He told me to come. It’s nothing like that at all.”

“Stel...”

“Jake, just drop it okay!” Her voice grew louder. “You couldn’t be further away from the truth if you tried.”

Jensen raised his hands in surrender, knowing it was time to drop the subject. “All right, all right. I really don’t wanna know.”

Before she could shoot back a response, she was called forward to the desk. Jake moved off to the side with her bag, watching her as she spoke to the guy behind the counter.

His hands dropped to his slim hips as he studied her, wracking his brains. Despite her protestations there was obviously something more going on, he knew her too well. The only thing he could think of was that for some reason they’d had an argument, a big enough one for Agent Shit-Name to leave her to come on her own. And, considering Jake knew he had told Stella to stay away from him, it must have been pretty serious for him to say he wasn’t coming.

As Jake watched Stella signing her name on the paper the guy behind the desk slid over to her, he saw her give a little smile before she tucked her hair behind her ear. He took a deep breath, shaking himself out of his thoughts and decided that he was going to make her forget about Asshole for a couple of days and enjoy herself. Being the Stel he’d always known and adored.

She nodded and said something to the receptionist before she turned towards Jake, heading over to him and he smiled. “All sorted?”

“Yeah I’m on the 4th floor

“Hey, cool! Same as me and Cougs.”

“Are you guys sharing?” She asked and he shook his head, giving a snort.

“Hell no. The Cougar is on the prowl, apparently. He’s a couple of rooms down.”

“Well I’m in 415.”

“422, Sweetheart.”

“Good to know in case I’m attacked by a spider in the middle of the night.” She grinned and Jake chuckled.

“Well, if you want I’ll do a sweep before you go in.” He looked at her seriously. “I am a highly trained killing machine after all.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah but I ain’t afraid of spiders... well, okay, not the little ones that is.”

Stella laughed. “Course not. But, that aside, I could use your help with my suitcase.”

“You don’t need to ask.” He said gently, picking it up. “I was already gonna bring it.”

She smiled and they made their way to the elevator which by some twist of luck was already on their floor. The door opens and they stepped inside, Stella turning to select their floor.

“Alright, I gotta ask.” Jake spoke and Stella turned to him as he gestured to the large case now by his feet. “You’re here for what, three nights? You bring your whole wardrobe, Stelly?”

She scoffed “I need all three nights’ outfits and daytime clothes as well. Toiletries, make up, underwear...bikinis.” At the last word she shot him a wink and Jake’s head dropped forward, his hands on his hips.

“Stop it.” He groaned playfully and she laughed.

“You don’t wanna hit the pool then, Jakey?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“Why would it be?”

“Well this feels like the part where I’m supposed to make some rude comment only I’m not sure if you’ll laugh or slap me.”

“You’d never know if you don’t say it.”

Jake looked at her, he was utterly confused now and hadn’t got a clue what was going on. He licked his lips, swallowed before he sighed and rubbed his beard. Thankfully, he was saved from responding at all as the elevator stopped, the doors sliding open as they’d reached their floor.

****

Once the slightly awkward but friendly first time introductions to the rest of the guests that the boys had met the day before, Stell felt herself really beginning to relax. She had been on edge since arriving if truth be told, not least because her friends had hit the nail on the head, there was something going on with Evan. But, she didn't want to think about it. Not now. Instead, she settled herself on a sun-lounger, peeling off her little sun-dress to reveal a yellow bikini and Jake flopped onto the one besides her, whipping off his white wife-beater. They talked and laughed and joked. It felt good, just kicking back, not a care in the world. Soft, holiday themed music was playing, the atmosphere was happy, and Stella had a constant supply of cocktails thanks to the team persistently plying her with them.

She must have fallen asleep at one point, as when she turned Jake wasn't there, but it didn't take her long to find him, his distinctive laugh ringing out over the pool area. Stella led back in the sun, glasses covering her face, no one able to see her eyes as she watched him sat on the edge of the pool, one of the bridesmaids next to him, their legs dangling in the water. His broad shoulders and back muscles twitched as he talked with his hands, as usual, emphasising whatever it was he was saying, one large arm reaching up to brush through his short hair. The girl laughed and tipped her head back and Jake grinned before he said something else and stood up. Stella shifted a little as he headed towards her.

"Stel, you want another drink?"

She pulled her glasses down, and peered over them as she smiled up at him. "No, I'm fine JJ thanks."

"Cool, just, you know, ask me if you need anything."

"I’ll be fine Jake." She insisted. "Just enjoy yourself or... whatever."

He gave her a little smile before he turned and walked away. Stella watched him go, and it didn't escape her just how many heads turned in his direction. She took a deep breath then suddenly a shadow blocked her sun. She looked up to see Cougar stood beside her, hands on his hips, bright blue swim shorts and a plain grey tank covering his toned upper body.

"Enjoying the views, Arty?"

She rolled her eyes, then smirked at him as she spotted his ever present headwear. "Even round the pool you’re wearing the hat?" She sat up slightly, nodding towards it.

"Well it keeps the top of my head cool and shelters my eyes from the sun." He shrugged. "And helps maintain my youthful complexion."

"You gonna be wearing it for the wedding?" She grinned as he perched on the lounger next to her, before he led back over the top of Jake's towel, swinging his legs up to recline a little.

"Of course I am." He looked at her like she'd asked a dumbass question. "I’m making a fashion statement, Honey!"

At that she laughed. "Well, I look forward to seeing that!"

"I'll save you a front row seat!"

As the two of them continued to chat, over at a table a little further round the pool, Roque and Clay were sat deep in conversation. Pooch made his way over, flopping down heavily into a seat, shades covering his eyes.

“All right, so someone wanna tell me what happened to Shit-Name?” There was no disguising the bitterness in his tone. He was still pissed over the whole stag-do incident as Stella hadn’t gone, and the blame for that lay firmly at Evan’s feet.  “Not that I care, in fact I’m glad not having to see him around but-“ he nodded to Stella “-well I don’t like her being upset.”

Clay took a deep breath and blew it out harshly. “So, I made some calls. Pulled some strings and…”

“What?” Roque took a pull from his beer and turned towards the Colonel. Clay simply shook his head and Roque rolled his eyes. “Spit it out, Clay.”

“The guy is not on duty this whole week.” Clay looked at him, and then to Pooch who pulled a face.

“The whole week? I thought she was flying in today because he had some work to finish before taking a couple of days off?”

“So did I.” Clay shrugged.

“So what? He’s been lying to stop her coming for more than absolutely necessary?” Roque frowned. “That is fucked up, Clay.”

“I don’t get it though.” Pooch shook his head, a puzzled expression on his face. “Why is he not here? If he’s so hell bent on keeping her away from us, well, specifically Jensen, why the fuck has he let her come on her own?”

“I don’t know.” Clay looked over at Stella before turning back. “But I don’t like it.”

“Don’t like what?”

The three of them turned to see Jensen stood by their table, pushing his shades up his nose a little.

“Your swimming trunks.” Roque was quick to quip. “Pink? Really?”

Jensen grinned “Gracie got me these! Special present for being her coolest Uncle.”

“Yeah, you see she’s six, Jensen.” Clay grinned, taking a drink of his beer. “Her taste is debatable.”

At that Pooch snorted. “And besides, man, you’re her only Uncle! Not like she has anyone else to compare you to.”

“Oh yeah?” Jensen shot Pooch a look. “Fine, watch this.” He cleared his throat and looked over the pool area towards Stella. “Yo, Stel!” She glanced at him from where she was sat with Cougar and gestured with her head for him to continue speaking. “What you think of my shorts?” He gave a grin, twirling on the spot with his hands out to his side.

Stella arched a brow as she pulled down her glasses and looked over the top of them at him. “I’ve seen you in worse.” She called before she turned back to Cougar, a slight smile on her face.

Jake grinned and looked back at the men round the table, pointing in her direction. “See, that’s a compliment.”

“Yeah, by worse she means naked.” Pooch snorted. Roque and Clay both burst out laughing and the three of them clinked their beer bottles together.  

“You can all laugh but let’s face it, none of you could pull off this colour.” Jake sniffed.

“Who says you’re pulling it off, Jensen?” Clay arched his eyebrow.

“Well, he’s gonna need to as no one else is gonna pull em off for him.” Roque sniggered.

“Well, actually, Jolene’s cousins have already asked if he was free.” Pooch raised an eyebrow.

“They blind?” Roque shot back as Jensen grinned, ignoring him.

“Really? Which ones?”

“You were sitting with one of them earlier.” Pooch informed him.

“Oh, the red headed chick?” Jensen glanced around, and his eyes once more fell on Stella who was now sat up, turned towards Cougar as they talked about something. He took a deep breath. “Yeah, she’s not really my type. In a bit fellas.” With that he slapped Pooch on the head and wandered over to join Cougar and Stella.

“We cannot tell him about Evan.” Roque stated as Jensen sat down on the sun lounger next to Stella, leaning back a little on his hands.

“Nope." Clay agreed.

“Absolutely not.” Pooch affirmed with a serious nod.

*****

Stella was in her room’s bathroom, leaning over the counter to check her mascara hadn’t left any unwelcome blotch around her eyelashes when there was a loud knock on the door followed by the two softer ones that, ever since they met all those years ago, announced Jake Jensen’s presence. She gave a last glance at her appearance on the mirror, adjusting the thin straps of her pale pink dress to her shoulders, before she went to open the door for him.

“Damn, Stel. You look amazing.”

It was all Jake could express when he recovered from the shock of seeing Stella all dolled up for the first time since what seemed like forever. Maybe the last time being when Jane and Rob got married and they were still together and waiting for their military training to be over. She looked stunning in that outfit and he couldn’t fail but to observe it was Stelly all over. Her pale pink dress was covered in delicate lace flowers and flowed down her curves, the deep v neckline doing nothing but highlighting her gorgeous breasts which Jake so damned well knew and had cherished once upon a time.

Fuck, his mouth was dry…

“Thanks JJ.” Stella chimed, making Jake blink and shake his head. “I need a quick minute…”

As she turned to go finish getting ready he followed her in, closing the door behind him.

“Hey, you’re not gonna say anything about my slacks and this fancy waistcoat I’m wearing.” He asked opening his arms for her to take in his appearance which she did when she turned, looking him up and down. She took in his dark blue plaid tweed waistcoat, matching trousers, along with his pale blue and white striped dress shirt and matching tie and she grinned.

“No jacket?”

“Fuck that shit, Stel its too hot out!” He snorted. “I’m gonna boil to death enough tomorrow in my suit.”

Stella laughed, looking him up and down again before she took a deep breath. “You could almost pass as a grown up, Jake.”

He pouted though he was slightly amused at the comment as it clearly meant her brain had also taken her to the last time they both had worn such elegant outfits, as they had been basically babies then.

“Rude, Stel. You used to like this look on me when we were.... ummm.... did you change your perfume?” Jake suddenly asked in an attempt to change topic after almost sliding dangerously down memory lane.

“No it’s the same it’s been for years.” Stella rolled her eyes at him and turned to rummage in her make up bag.

“Yes. Right….” Jensen replied somewhat awkwardly but relieved she was busy with something else. “So Cougs is coming down with us, he’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” She said as she finished putting her lip-gloss on before grabbing her sandals and sitting on her bed. “So like, is there a huge group of us tonight then?”

Jake stood there, his brain having a hard registering Stella’s question, his hands on his trouser pockets as he bounced on the balls of his feet and blushed furiously because, from where he was stood,  as Stella was bent over doing her sandals up, he could see right down her dress and the line of her breasts. But when he finally did realise she’d spoken, he swallowed hard and tried to play it as cool as possible.

“I guess pretty much everyone invited who’s here already, it is a rehearsal dinner after all. Hey, did you know Clay’s chick is landing tomorrow morning?”

“Tomorrow morning? Stella frowned. “Cutting it a bit fine, isn’t it?” She asked standing up and readjusting her dress.

“Well, better late than never.” Jake muttered, more to himself than anything but Stella had clearly heard it as she was glaring at him.

“Don’t start.”

“Sorry, my bad.” Jensen raised the palms of his hands in surrender. But before he could continue apologizing there was another knock on the door. “That will be Cougs.” Jake took a hasty retreat as he went to open the door to Cougar who raised an eyebrow on seeing his friend’s flustered expression.

“Don’t look at me like that, Cougar.”

“What the fuck’s wrong with you, Jensen?” Cougar whispered but then his eyes landed on Stella who was coming towards them and looked at Jensen again as he mouthed. “Wow.”

On an impulse Jake dug him in the ribs with his elbow which made Cougar shove him hard on the shoulder in turn just before Stella stopped by their side and looked at them. “What the fuck are you two doing?”

“Playing tag.” Jensen blurted out.

Stella narrowed her eyes at him just as Cougar looked at him wondering what the fuck Jensen was dragging him into. Jensen gave him a look and Cougar rolled his eyes.

“I told him he’s buying the first round tonight and the jerk said he wouldn’t.” He turned to Stella, trying not to sound too eager or false.

Stella shrugged. “What else is new?”

“Hey, I’m not paying ‘cause it’s a free bar. All the rounds are on Pooch and future Mrs Pooch.” Jensen nodded lightly at Coug, rolling with it.

Stella grinned as they step out of the room and she shut the door. “Well boys, ” she linked her arms into theirs as they were at either side of her, “in that case let’s see how drunk we can go get for free.”

Jakey and Cougar both cheered loudly at the idea and she laughed heartily.

“And you’re walking into the party escorted by two of the most eligible bachelors in this resort, Sweetheart.” Jensen added cheekily.

“Yeah?” She asked as she called the lift and Jensen saw her eyes shine with mischief before speaking again. “You taking me to meet them? Are they downstairs?”

Cougar snorted but Jake wasn’t gonna let it die there. That was the playful Stella he so adored, his Stelly. They could go on at this type of banter for hours if they were in the mood.

“Face facts, I am desirable as Pooch told me before. Bridesmaids already asking for my number. How many asked for your number, Cougs?”

Cougar just smirked and tip the brim of his hat. “They only need my room number, you loser.”

At that Stella let out a huge laugh and the elevator arrived so she stepped in followed by Cougar, Jake behind them.

“Okay, yeah. I’ll give you that one.” Jensen admitted as the elevator doors closed and they headed down.

***

When they got to the big room where the rehearsal party was taking place, the bride and groom were already there greeting all their guests and Stella was immediately introduced to everyone in Jolene’s extended family who hadn’t been at the pool earlier that day. The drinks and conversations were flowing when the wedding planner, a woman with a thick Mexican accent, announced dinner was being served in a few minutes and politely asked them all to find their seats.

The Losers were set to share a table with Pooch’s brother and his girlfriend and a couple of Jolene’s bridesmaids who happened to be her cousins too. The food was delicious and by the time dessert had been served, Stel could swear her dress had shrunk in size but she was damned if she was going to say no to those sinful Tamales. The chocolate on her taste buds, together with all the tequila and cocktails they had consumed during the meal had her in good spirits. She could honestly say she was having a great time and was enjoying herself, only one thing casting a shadow over her jolly mood.

Jolene’s cousin Shanice, secretly renamed by Stella as Corpse Bridesmaid, who was sitting at Jake’s other side, insisted on flirting shamelessly with him, to the point it was embarrassing. So, when her piercing laughter at some of Jake’s shitty quips got everyone at their table startled, Stella shared a glance with Cougar who was sat at her other side and excused herself. Instead of going to the ladies restroom, she went outside, deciding some fresh air would do her good. She wandered out onto the beach a little and sat down breathing in deeply,  taking in the peacefulness of the sea in front of her.

Her head was swimming but not just from alcohol. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but it was jealousy. She was jealous of Jake and Corpse Bridesmaid when she wasn’t supposed to be. Right? She wasn’t supposed to be and she didn’t like the feeling either.

And then there was Evan. She knew he was lying about having to work. He’d just used that as an excuse not to come to cover up the real core of the issue. Although he still insisted he was stuck at the office she knew he didn’t have to be there, and that evening, when they had talked on the phone, he had been cold and curt, their conversation mainly made of void questions and monosyllabic answers. Stella breathed in shakily at the memory of that conversation and pulled her phone out for the umpteenth time that night. No messages, no missed calls. Nothing. She sighed and chucked it back on her purse hastily.

“A watched phone never rings, Arty”

She hadn’t heard him approach, absorbed as she was in her own thoughts, but she made no effort to turn around as Cougar was already sitting on the sand next to her.

“Any luck with the blonde bridesmaid, Cougs?” She asked with a soft smile. “Maybe she’s the type that calls.”

“I told you before, I don’t need her to call, just knock.” He joked before turning his head to look at her, studying her features. “What’s going on Arty?”

“Nothing Cougs, just getting a little lightheaded in there.” Stella explained as she nodded her head towards the muffled voices of the party inside.

Cougar nodded. “And I’m assuming it’s not only because of the drinks.”

Stella didn’t reply, she simply looked away not trusting herself to say anything without her voice breaking.

“You know I won’t tell anyone, right? Especially not Jensen.”

Stella sighed and lowered her head as her hands fiddled with the flowers of her dress.  “I don’t believe Ev is working. I think he was making excuses not to come.” She finally spoke, before lifting her eyes to meet Cougar’s.

“And why would he be making excuses not to come with you?” Cougar frowned. “I thought he always wanted to spend time with you. That’s why you haven’t been hanging out with us so much anymore, huh?”

Stella raised her eyebrows. “He does. We kinda had an argument about it, well, not really an argument just a discussion about him crowding me and stuff, how he acts about Jake and you guys... and he admitted he was a little full on but said it was because he loved me.”

“Oh, so he threw the big L word there. That’s good, right?” Cougar asked, looking at her confused and a bit concerned as she had looked somehow embarrassed to admit Evan had said he loved her.

Stella looked at him. “Not really Cougs, because when he said it I was paralyzed and then realized I couldn’t say it back.”

“Oh.” He grimaced. “That’s not so good.” He paused for a moment before he continued. “You don’t love him?”

Stella shrugged, feeling calmer now, almost relieved she had finally got it off her chest and shared it with someone. “I thought I was sorta getting there you know, told myself it would happen in time but we’re almost six months in now. And each week I can’t see beyond the next, there’s no long term view there for me, Cougs and…”

“That’s a hard no disguised as a not yet, Arty.” He observed when he noticed Stella was trailing off. And she didn’t reply but looked at the sand instead as there wasn’t really a suitable response to that, least of all because he was right, she knew that much.

“Come here.” Cougar sighed, waving his hand for her to get closer before wrapping an arm around her shoulder and placing a kiss on the top of her head. “What you gonna do about it?”

“Finish it I suppose. That’s the right thing to do isn’t it?” She answered as she laid her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess it’s certainly the most sensible thing to do, anyway.”

“Well I’m a very sensible person.” Stella chuckled causing Cougar to snort.

“You spent years dating Jensen, I beg to differ.”

“Not my most sensible time.” She quipped.

Cougar laughed, shaking his head in agreement, and when he looked down to watch her he saw she was looking at the sand again, only this time she was smiling as she was clearly remembering something about the time he spent with Jake.

“He still loves you, you know? Jensen I mean.”

Stella’s eyes darted up at him and she scoffed. “You’re insane, Coug? You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Oh I know exactly what I’m saying. And more so you know it’s true.” Cougar stated as he tipped the brim of his hat and winked at her.

****

“Fuck, no, no more!” Jensen waved his hand as Roque grinned widely and held his hands up cheering loudly as Jensen grimaced. Both men had spent the last thirty five minutes doing shots while being cheered, as could not be otherwise, by Corpse Bridesmaid.

“All right, all right, you win Roque. I’m out.” Jensen admitted defeat as he turned around, scanning the dance floor. He frowned when he realized he couldn’t spot Stella, granted he was a bit drunk but he really couldn’t see her anywhere in the room. So he stood up from his seat and blinked twice as everything was a little hazy.

“Hey Clay, you seen Stel?” He asked when he finally steadied himself, brushing his hand through his hair before he pushed his glasses back up his nose. They’d gotten a little too close to falling off whilst he’d been doing those damned shots.

“Nope, it’s been a while since I last saw her.” Clay replied, glancing up at him from where he was sat on his spot at their table talking to Pooch’s brother.

“She went outside a while back. Didn’t say goodbye so I assumed she was coming back but…” Jolene, who had come searching for her cousin, offered but then someone Jensen couldn’t quite place tapped her shoulder so she turned round to talk to them and they left together a few seconds later, leaving him a little puzzled, without answers.

“Okay, I’ll go find her myself. You guys are useless.” He sniffed as he loosened his tie and turned to leave.

Clay rolled his eyes and looked at Roque who shook his head and snorted. “Whatever Jensen, just keep an eye on that tie. Too loose and you’ll lose it.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, Jensen.” Clay warned him, earning a frown from Pooch’s brother and causing Jensen to stop in his tracks.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” He asked, turning to look at Clay.

“It means you’ve drunk a lot with Roque and she’s got a boyfriend who is clearly making her upset.”

“I’m fine I…” Jensen began to protest but he immediately paused as Clay’s words registered. “Hang on, what do you mean Shit-Name is making her upset?” He frowned as Clay groaned, realizing he had said too much “Do you know something?”

“Well he’s not here, isn’t he? That should be enough.” Clay tried to brush it off.

Jensen looked at him for a moment before he turned and left the room, contemplating what Clay had just said. Despite the colonel’s attempt to brush it off as an innocent comment, he had once more raised the point that Shit-Name wasn’t here, and none of them really knew why. There was also the fact that Stella had been uncharacteristically flirty with Jake that day, more than their usual good natured quips…was it possible they had split up? But, if they had, surely she would have told him right? But then again, maybe she wouldn’t have told him, not wanting to cloud Pooch’s big weekend with her issues?

The thought was enough to make Jake grin, but the grin disappeared as fast as it had come and he couldn’t help but groan at this train of thought. Nothing would make him happier than that dick to be gone for good but he also didn’t want Stella to be upset and heartbroken. That was part of the reason that, despite his vow on New Years’ Eve to Clay in his parent’s dining room about fighting for her, he’d really tried to behave. He’d watched as her and Evan had gone from, what appeared to be, strength to strength, and, if he had to be honest, he was just grateful they were on good terms and wouldn’t want to jinx his recently fixed friendship with his Stelly for all the gold in the world. Plus, he just wanted her to be happy, she deserved that at least.  And, until now, he thought that Agent Shit-Name was making her so…

All those noisy thoughts were clouding his alcohol intoxicated head when he finally made it outside after a quick stop at the restroom. As soon as Jensen’s feet landed on the soft beach sand, he spotted Stella in the distance but she wasn’t alone as Cougar was sitting next to her on the sand with his arm round her.

“What the fuck, Cougs?” He whispered to himself, his jaw twitching a little. “Seriously, you’re going there?”

Both figures wheeled round and looked at him as he drew closer, his constant groans about tripping over on the sand alerting them to his presence. And when they did turn, Jake could see Stella had been crying.

“Stel, what’s going on?” He asked her softly.

Stella hastily wiped her tears and sniffed before speaking. “Nothing, I’m fine. It’s just….” She trailed off as she looked at Cougar with pleading eyes.

“I was telling her stories of my childhood here in Mexico.”  Cougar looked at Jake.

“Yeah…” Stella nodded eagerly. “… and it just got me thinking a bit of dad and stuff.”

Jensen glared at Cougar as he squatted beside them both, not for a minute believing the bullshit he had come up with, but then Cougar shot him a look and shook his head gently. Jensen’s frown deepened a little, before he looked at Stella who was now watching the ocean again. He knew she was lying, she had been lying about Evan and about them being fine since she had landed in Mexico that morning, but he also knew now, from Cougs, it wasn’t what his tequila mushed brain had thought some minutes earlier.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed all that to the back of his mind and fixed a smile on his face.

“Well, Stelly, I think the only thing to do here is come dance your sorrows away.” He tried to lighten the mood up a bit as he knew his Stelly had always loved dancing.

She looked at him like he was a moron before she burst out laughing and he shot her a cheeky grin.

“Yasss, come on, Sweetheart.” He pressed as he stood up, helping her up in the process and once they both were standing on their feet Jensen turned around and bent a little. “Jump up! We’re going dancing.”

“You’re not carrying me, moron!” She shook her head as he turned to look at her. “And it’s just one. I had an early morning and I need some rest.” She bent slightly, brushing the sand off her dress, giving Jensen another front row view of her cleavage line and without even looking at him, he nudged Cougar to stop him staring, sending the man sprawling over onto the sand, a string of Mexican expletives escaping his mouth.

“That’s my Stelly.” Jake grinned and she took his hand as she put her sandals back on before Jensen dipped and slung her over his shoulder.

“JJ put me down you ass!” Stella squealed.

“No can do Stel, don’t trust you not to run.” He said amidst laughter.

“Don’t mind me…” Cougar quipped as he remained sprawled on the sand.

“We won’t.” Jensen shot back as he strode up the beach to the bar with Stella over his shoulder, laughing as she slapped his back.

“Jake my boobs are gonna fall out of my dress!” She shouted, slapping his back harder once they were almost reaching the sliding doors that led to the room where the party after the dinner was now in full swing.

“I see no issue with that.”

“God, you’re a dick!” Stella scoffed and Jensen chuckled, eventually putting her down on the bar and looking at her chest. “Hey, my face is up here.”

“I was just… erm…” Jensen gave a goofy smile as he made a grabbing hand gesture in front of her boobs “…checking the twins are still in place and you’re good.”

Stella rolled her eyes at him as she rearranged her dress. “Pervert.”

All in all, and as Jensen had expected, Stella stayed for a little more than one song as she was letting herself go and forget everything. The pair of them just enjoyed themselves, and it was almost as if no time at all had passed, and they were still at some sort of crummy, homecoming or end of year dance at their school’s over decorated sports hall.

Just as they were winding down a rather energetic dance to some form of Nineties dance song, the name of which, Jensen had no idea, Pooch cut the music and stepped up to thank everyone for coming, before he started talking rather drunken and lovingly about Jolene. As Roque and Clay began to heckle, telling him to save the mushy ‘I love yous’ for tomorrow, Stella zoned out a little, thinking about what Cougar had said earlier at the beach. If she was honest, whilst she’d been able to push it away for large chunks of time as she’d been dancing, it had been in the back of her mind all night. Because Cougar had hit the nail on the head, she didn’t love Evan, she didn’t think she ever would, and she couldn’t keep fooling herself. She needed to finish it.

Almost as if he had read her mind, she felt Jake gently take her hand and give it a squeeze and that was it. It all became too much to handle again, and she turned to him giving him a shy smile.

“I’m gonna go Jake, I really am tired.”

Just as she had anticipated, he tried to get her to stay but she refused, declining his offer to walk her back up to her room. She kissed his cheek softly, gave him a smile, and headed off to say goodnight to everyone.

***** Jensen watched her go before dropping his head in defeat. He took a deep sigh, hands on his hips, before Cougar appeared at his side, thrusting a beer he hadn’t even asked for into his hand.

“Thanks.” Jensen whispered, taking a large swig as he studied Cougar. “So what really happened at the beach?”

Cougar hesitated, looking for the best way to give his friend a comforting answer without betraying Stella’s confidence, and it was proving a really difficult task. “She… umm, she told me Evan had said he loved her.” He answered a second or two later, hesitantly.

“What?” Jensen asked, swallowing hard. His beer suddenly felt a bit sandy.

“She didn’t say much more but I’ll let you draw your own conclusions how the whole thing went from how she’s been and the fact he isn’t here.” Cougar shrugged.

Jensen glared at him before taking another sip of his drink. He couldn’t think clearly, it wasn’t time for mind riddles and someone had definitely added that fucking sticky beach sand to his beer, plus, now he was pissed and his mind started spiralling.

Fucking Shit-Name dropping the fucking L word!

But then again, how could he not love her? It was impossible once you knew Stella, and he should know, he had tried it.

And what the fuck? Why hadn’t she told him when he had asked, instead of avoiding the topic all day long and then telling Cougar instead?

And yeah, Cougar could fuck off as well. With a final glare at him, he thrust his beer bottle back into Cougar’s hand and left without as much as a goodbye word.

What might seem common, rational sense to everyone else was never that common or sensible in Jake Jensen’s fucked up mind, least of all when it came down to Stella Stevenson. So, as he headed back to his room and passed hers on his way he stopped and turned back, making her way to her door. He stepped forward, ready to knock, but he dropped his knuckle when it was still mid-air and with a shake of his head and a heavy sigh he carried on.

And now he was also pissed at himself. Great.

******

Chapter 7 Part 2

[nctsjiho]

Relationships with: WayV

Click here for: NCT 127, NCT U, NCT Dream, WayV

Kun:

MOVE!

I-

These two~~~

Unexpectedly the duo you never knew you wanted needed

For the longest time they weren’t in any groups together and didn’t have many practises in common (besides NCT 2018 stuff)

They usually would just say hi in passing, but never really hang out if it wasn’t for multiple members going out to eat

But one day JiHo approached Kun asking him for a favour

He found out the reason why they didn’t talk a lot was because JiHo felt really shy around him for some reason

“I don’t know, I just felt too nervous around him” (JiHo during a random Vlive)

Near the end of 2020 a video got released on the NCT YouTube channel of JiHo singing with Kun accompanying her on the piano

You could somewhat say it was JiHo’s debut as a vocalist

Kun said that he didn’t see it as a favour, but that it was an honour JiHo chose him to do this with her   (///.-) I’m not crying heh-  

Ever since then they have been very comfortable around each other

JiHo praises him a lot on his vocals, piano and producing skills

Kun praises her on her vocals as well and has become another of her vocal coaches/supporter

JiHo said that if it weren’t for Kun, she would have never posted a vocal cover. “All the guys are supportive but Kun pushes me to better my skills so I can comfortably show them to NCTzens” ^^ I’m blushing this is cute

People ship them platonically after the cover and want them to put out more, but with both of them singing together

Ten:

Loves teasing JiHo

Dance partners

“JiHo is such a good dancer guys!” (Instagram Live with Yangyang)

Speaks up immediately when someone says something bad about JiHo

Jeno physically protects her, but Ten isn’t afraid to tear someone down with words (the members have to calm him down whenever it happens because he gets really worked up)

Jokes around a lot with JiHo during practise

Another one who brings out the chaos in JiHo

JiHo X WayV is just a bad idea in general, no manager can calm them down once they get started I feel sorry for the WayV managers

The two often butt heads, but they also make up quickly because they’re too close of friends <3

Learns her Thai and she’s pretty good!

Makes fun of her a lot though, but he also tells her how great she’s doing

Is happy that he’s no longer the person who knows the most languages in the group. During variety shows they test JiHo more often and he doesn’t have to rack his brain switching from language to language

Share mutual respect for each other

Winwin:

Has a soft spot for Winwin (like everyone else does) but isn’t overly affectionate and he appreciates that

Was awkward with JiHo for a while, but then she started learning Chinese. He noticed how much effort she put in to become accepted in NCT as the only girl. Now he doesn’t feel awkward anymore

He looks up to her because she’s so hardworking

Share a lot of cute fan favourite moments, usually where they are in the background of videos or vlives laughing together

They spent a lot of time practising dances together and said he’d like to dance together with her for an NCT Dance video

Lucas:

Robbed from being Dreamies together

Was sad he couldn’t join NCT Dream, but was about to sue SM for not letting JiHo be in Dream

Spoils JiHo a lot!

Gives her expensive gifts such as shoes, handbags, jewellery, etc. (she tells him not to but he still does anyway)

Only 1 year older but acts like JiHo is a baby

Lucas said that he wants to model with her for Vogue or Dazed or some fancy fashion magazine like that

Says that JiHo is the only one who matches his visuals

“I thought our members were good looking, but JiHo has set the bar too high and I think I’m the only one who’s up to her standards.”

JiHo will not for the life of her acknowledge the fact that he said that on national television (also disagrees because Renjun, Jaemin, Doyoung and Jungwoo exist)

JiHo calls Lucas Prince a lot, because she thinks he’s very handsome

JiHo sometimes ignores some of the boys’ calls, but answers Lucas every time, no hesitation

Is the one who called her Jihyun for a few months when he first got to know her, even though everyone kept on correcting him, he kept forgetting  -_-

Now the members call her Jihyun teasingly

Xiaojun:

JiHo thinks he’s really cool

They always talk in front of the practise room, when one comes out of practise and the other was waiting to go in

Group members have to physically separate them, because they zone everyone else out when talking to each other

Love going out to eat together, or just go to a cafe and talk

JiHo will actually join WayV to visit Xiaojun while he’s filming a drama

(JiHo isn’t allowed to do that anymore, definitely after not telling one of her manager that she was flying to China to see Xiaojun, poor manager almost had a heart attack when he couldn’t find her and she didn’t pick up her phone for 3 hours ;;; )

Instagram pictures together <3

Domestic af, they look like they have been friends since birth

Hendery:

Cutely awkward together

Super giggly for some reason ^^

She’s the least close with Hendery out of all WayV members, but since she likes WayV so much she’s been hanging out a lot more with him and became closer

He’s really good at English so he helps her with her Chinese and whenever she gets tired of speaking Chinese he will switch to English or Korean (whatever works really)

Also one of the people who thinks she’s really cool and kind of intimidating

But off-stage she’s really sweet

Send each other a thumbs up after practise or when the other gets off stage

Ten and Kun said they want them to get closer because they are kind of similar

Yangyang:

Chaos-

Multilingual messes

JiHo completely understands German but before meeting Yangyang she never really tried speaking it before. She’s nervous to mess it up but Yangyang is really excited and helps her a lot with German. Since he also forgot a bit of German they take classes together

75% of her attention is taken up by Yangyang when JiHo hangs out with WayV

Exposes so much about JiHo on Vlive and Instagram (He got a warning by the managers to be careful because he might spill something that’s not supposed to be made public)

Legendary Instagram Live where the two of them were up until 3 am and were so sleep-drunk. JiHo couldn’t form a coherent sentence, mixing up every language she knew. Yangyang dissing his members and both of them laughing hysterically

The fans absolutely adore them and the members are absolutely terrified

Ten said that whenever JiHo’s with him and Yangyang, he can’t be with them for long or he’ll actually go insane

---

Side Note: my posts weren’t showing up in tags for the last 3 days so I contacted Tumblr and apparently it was a bug on their end. Luckily they fixed in in literally 10 minutes! In other words: I’m back to posting again!

If you have any questions/comments please feel free to let me know. I have a few posts ready to go already, so i’m excited!

[fighterkimburgess]

Second Chances Chapter 1 - Three and a Half Months

A/N: Remember that time where I said I wasn't writing a multichapter for a while? And that if I did it'd be completely finished before I posted the first chapter? Well..oops. But enjoy? Updates are planned to be Mondays and Thursdays. Right now it looks like around 20 chapters, subject to change. 

Summary: A month after Kim's left him, Adam still can't even look at her. But when she arrives at his door one night, harsh truths are exchanged and realisations happen. Series Masterlist

Words: 3.8k

Warnings: alcohol, canon typical injury.

Wanna join my taglist?

--

Adam knocked back the last of his beer, calling Herrmann over to pay his tab. He knew coming to Molly’s was a bad idea, but his unit had worried about him enough since his engagement had ended. So he came out and he had three beers and he smiled and he pretended everything was fine. Until Kim walked in with Sylvie Brett and Sean Roman, and Adam just knew he needed to get out of there. He’d gotten good at being in the same room as Kim in work, but in a bar? When he was feeling tipsy? He couldn’t do it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, guys,” he said, pulling on his jacket and heading outside. He had to wait for an uber, but it didn’t matter. He was just glad to be outside and away from the woman who’d broken his heart.

Leaning against the wall he exhaled slowly into the cool night air. When would this stop hurting so much? He was so in love with her it hurt, and she’d been able to just move on as if nothing had happened. She’d said she was letting him off. That line had run around his head since the last time he’d been in the locker room. He couldn’t even enter it anymore, couldn’t see the spot he’d proposed and his heart had filled, and then where it had ended and his heart was broken. The only thing he’d thought of was that she didn’t love him. That she’d never wanted to marry him. That she accepted the proposal because she felt she had to. Did he know her that little that he was that wrong? It’s all he could think. Because every single time she’d asked anything he’d agreed. He’d do anything for her.

“Adam?” He kept his eyes closed. Now he was hearing her voice, this was great. Just great. Maybe he needed some time off, head away for a week.

“Adam? Please don’t ignore me.”

He opened his eyes and turned his head, and Kim was standing there. She was in a V-neck tee that he’d always loved, the blue setting off her skin.

“I’m heading home, Burgess. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” He couldn’t say her name. If he called her Kim he’d break then and there, and he couldn’t do that.

“Just while you wait for your cab? I need to know that we’re ok.” He’d held it down for so long, and this was the last straw.

“No, Burgess, we’re not ok. We’re not nearly ok. And honestly, I don’t know if I can ever be ok. I’ll talk to you in work when needed, but that’s it. I can’t do anything else.” The car pulled up and he got in without saying goodbye, throwing his head against the seats.

Adam had planned on going to bed when he got home. He’d planned on having a shower, drinking some water and going to bed. But instead he opened his fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer because he’d had to talk to Kim and it broke his heart. One night he’d Googled “how long does a broken heart last?”. The answer of at least three and a half months didn’t soothe him. Another ten weeks of this pain at a minimum? He didn’t know if he could do it.

There was a knock at the door, and he ignored it. Probably Mrs. Davis from down the hall. As soon as she’d learned Adam was a cop she came over any time to try get information about his job from him. He couldn’t deal with her tonight. His head was nowhere near good enough to cope with her.

It knocked again, and he ignored it. His phone buzzed, an unlisted number, so he picked up.

“Ruzek.”

“Adam, I’m outside. Can we talk?” It was Kim. She knew he wouldn’t answer her call, so she called unlisted. Probably reason a million why she should have been in Intelligence instead of him.

“No, Kim. I just want to be alone.”

“Please?”

If he didn’t hate himself so much for losing Kim, if he liked himself even a little bit more, he would have hung up and gone to bed. Instead he put down his bottle and opened the door. Kim was standing there, eyes red and still as achingly beautiful as the last time he’d seen her.

“What do you want, Kim? I’m tired. It’s been a long week and I want to go to bed.”

“I want to know how we can be coworkers again, Adam. Just because we didn’t work out romantically doesn’t mean we should ignore each other. We need to be able to talk. You’ve ignored me any time we’ve seen each other. You haven’t even come into the locker room when I’m there. We need to make this work, because I’m not leaving the 21st.”

His anger flared and he took a deep breath, not wanting his neighbours to hear more of his conversation than they already would.

“Kim…I can’t talk to you because every single time I look at you my heart breaks all over again. I haven’t been into the locker room at all since this happened, because if I go in there I’m gonna see the spot where you made my heart whole and then where you broke it without even looking behind you. So I’ll talk to you eventually. But please, don’t come to me when you ended things and broke my heart and tell me that I’m being unfair to you. Because that’s not fair.”

“I ended them before you would!” She cried, and Adam moved out of the way, indicating for her to enter the apartment. If they were going to fully fight, it was better behind closed doors.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You didn’t want to marry me, Adam. You wanted the committed relationship, the ring on my finger. But you weren’t actually going to marry me. I know that. You’ve done it before and who knows, maybe you’ll do it again.” His face dropped as he looked at her. Did she think that little of him?

“I…Kim, I…” He couldn’t even find the words, so Kim jumped in.

“Exactly. You can’t even tell me right now that I was right. You didn’t want to marry me. As soon as I mentioned postponing the wedding or delaying moving in together you jumped at it. It was so obvious, and I’m just annoyed I didn’t realise it myself sooner. I deserved better than that.”

“That was a test? What the actual fuck, Kim? I’m well aware of my failings as your fiancé. I worked too much because I was so certain I don’t deserve my job. I skipped out on you and your Mom when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t try force my dad to meet you - although to be honest I’m glad that happened because you deserve a better father in law than him.” He paused, working out how to say what he needed to. “Kim…I’d have married you the day we got engaged. I looked up the waiting period for marriage licenses in Illinois. It’s same day, by the way. But when you asked to postpone for a year? It made sense. We got engaged after less than a year, less than six months after saying I love you for the first time. Of course you’d want a long engagement.”

“And the moving in?”

“You’d told me your lease wasn’t up until April. I assumed you couldn’t get out of it. I’m not a mindreader, Kim. I know I fucked up. I know I put my head in the sand. But I didn’t think things were so bad you’d leave me over it. Did you know Kev had to drive me home that night? He didn’t trust me to not drive off a bridge. I wouldn’t have, but he didn’t trust me to make it home ok.”

“I’m sorry for making you hurt. But you never argued. You just went with what I said!”

“Because I love you Kim, and I’d do anything to make you happy.” Shit. He should have said loved.

She scoffed. “If you loved me you’d have fought for me.”

“Why would I fight for someone who made it oh so clear she didn’t want me, Kim? My heart is broken enough. Why would I put myself through that pain for no reward?”

“Because I wanted you to! Adam, I was the bronze medal. Your third choice. I needed you to prove that you picked me for me, not because you thought you had to. But every time you just didn’t fight. It was clear you didn’t want me.”

Adam had heard enough. He went to the drawers, going through the one he kept his few tools and things for around the apartment in, where he knew she never would have looked. He found the envelope and box he was looking for, pulling them out.

“Maybe I should have said this sooner. But I need you to know that I only wanted you. After we got engaged I changed my will to make sure everything went to you. And the day you left me, I picked up our wedding rings. I had them in my pocket when you gave me the ring back. Here.” He handed them over, letting Kim sit down and look at them.

When he joined CPD they all had to make a will, in case of a line of duty death. His had been simple, everything went to his sister. But when he and Kim got engaged he’d gotten in touch with the union to make sure everything went to her. His pension, his belongings, everything. She was gonna be his wife, of course he’d give her everything.

He hadn’t looked at the rings since the day he’d picked them up. They were platinum, like her engagement ring, with their initials and the date of their first kiss in it. Not the day he’d turned up at her doorstep like a lovesick fool, but the day she’d kissed him in the parking lot and he realised that whatever he’d thought he felt for Wendy was a lie. Because he never wanted to kiss anyone else again.

He watched Kim read the one sheet of paper, covering her mouth. And then saw her open the ring box, lifting out what was supposed to be his wedding ring, weighing the heavy band in her hand.

“Turns out if you get them engraved you can’t return them.” He said, watching as she looked on the inside.

“April second? But we didn’t get together till May?” Her voice was quiet, and Adam took a swallow of his beer.

“At eleven thirty on April second you kissed me when we left Molly’s. That was our first kiss. And I should have gone home and told Wendy it was over then and there, but I was too chickenshit to. So I pretended I wasn’t falling in love with the woman who had to fire her gun and didn’t want to. And that lasted all of seven weeks till I realised I was a goner for you, Kim.”

He watched her lift out the band that should have been hers. He’d gotten them from the same jeweller as her engagement ring, made sure there was the tiniest of notches in the platinum so it would fit her finger perfectly with the diamond. She’d deserved so much more than what he could afford, she’d deserved the biggest ring and to be shouted about from the rooftops. But she wouldn’t have taken them. He knew the woman who should have been his wife too well.

“What did I do?” Her voice was low, and Adam wanted to comfort her. His body ached to hold her and tell her she’d be ok. But he didn’t get that luxury anymore. He wouldn’t get to hold Kim Burgess in his arms again, and being this close to her was as much as he’d be allowed in the future.

“You did what you thought was right. And we can’t change the past.” That sentence had been going around in his head since the breakup. He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t fix their mistakes. He shouldn't love her anymore. But he did.

“I listened to someone I shouldn’t have and made the biggest mistake of my life.” She took a breath, and Adam could tell she was about to start one of her legendary Kim rants. He’d seen her do one about the Bears losing season that had lasted for seven minutes.

“I should have been able to trust my partner giving me good advice, even when I knew he’d had shit luck in relationships. I shouldn’t have trusted him. I should have known that what Roman was saying was shit, because how would he know what we were?”

“Wait, Sean fucking Roman?” He had to interrupt. “All of this? All of this hurt and heartache and the pain between us is because he told you to?”

“Not exactly.” But Kim couldn’t look at his eyes. “From when we got engaged he told me that even a bronze is an Olympic medal. That just because it was third time out didn’t mean we were doomed. And if I was worried I should test you, because you’d show what you really thought.”

Adam didn’t know if it was the nearly four beers he’d consumed that night or what, but his jaw dropped. “And you didn’t…you didn’t think to ask me? Kim, I wanted to make you happy. If you’d come up to me and told me you thought Intelligence was too dangerous and I needed to reconsider, I would have. I can’t guarantee I would have left, but I’d have taken your opinion into account. I know I’m not good at communicating. But I still love you. And I want to make us work. It’s gonna involve a long road, and a lot of talking, but I want it. I want to be your last first kiss, Kim. I want to wake up with you in my arms.” Her tears overflowed, streaming down her cheeks as they reached out their hands. She still fit so perfectly in his hands, her fingers interlinking with his. It didn’t feel totally right - he’d been too used to her engagement ring - but it felt so good and so much better.

“I should have talked to you. I should have told you everything. And I’m always going to regret that. But I love you so much, and I’m going to earn that ring back, Adam. I know I need to earn your trust back and I will.” Adam looked at her, her eyes shining in the soft light from the lamp.

“Gimme a minute.” He stood, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake. But it was his Kim. His Darlin’. The woman who he loved more than anything in the world. This couldn’t be a mistake. He opened his nightstand drawer, finding the familiar red box there. He went back outside and she was tense, but he sat beside her again.

“I had all these ways I’d do this if we were able to do it again. But I’m going this way.” He knelt on one knee, his eyes filling with tears. “This feels like a dream. But I love you, Kim. I love you so much it hurts, and having you even near me makes me whole again. Will you marry me?”

She wasn’t shocked this time, she didn’t stare at him in surprise. Instead she just nodded, a grin spreading across her face.

“Yes. Adam, I’ll marry you. I’m never going to stop loving you. I want to marry you.”

He held her in his arms, and it just felt right. She was there and she was Kim and she was everything he’d dreamed about for the last month. They fell onto his couch, lips meeting and limbs tangling. It wasn’t smooth and it wasn’t the dramatic lovemaking he’d thought it could have been, but it was them and they were connected and she felt like home. Her moans and cries of passion mixed with his groans as they tumbled over the edge, lying in each other’s arms. He never wanted her to move. Didn’t want her to leave him again.

“I should probably clean up and leave,” Kim said, but Adam held her close.

“Stay here. You left a uniform behind when you took your things. I’ll drop you off at your place in the morning so you can get your badge and gun.”

“I thought I took everything?”

“It was in the wash. It might smell like me…when I missed you I’d put it on your pillow.”

They went into the bedroom, still wrapped up in each other. It wasn’t until they were lying there, curled up that Kim spoke.

“I’m not saying this because I don’t want you. But I want us to keep that we’re together a secret for a while. The rumours…Adam it’s been hell. I can’t go through another round of us being back together and the looks and whispers. I can’t do it.” He ran his fingers through her hair, holding her tighter.

“This is between us. For as long as it takes, Kim. You’re calling the shots on this, and I’m gonna follow your lead. If anyone asks about tonight, you came over and we hashed out why our relationship ended and you left. Sound good?” Her smile lit up her face, and Adam couldn’t stop grinning in return.

“It sounds perfect. I love you.” She kissed him in response, and he kissed her back.

“I love you too, Darlin’.”

That night they both slept the best sleep in a month, waking up early wrapped around each other. Adam let Kim shower first, putting on coffee and fixing hers the way she liked, with the vanilla creamer she’d bought and he hadn’t had the courage to throw away. She arrived into his living room in bare feet, her hair half dried and her uniform on.

“Have I mentioned how good you look in non breathable polyester?” He asked, leaning down for a kiss. He got to kiss her again. He was gonna get to marry her. Things couldn’t get much better.

“Once or twice. Go shower and I’ll do breakfast?” They’d fallen into the routine they’d had when they were engaged the first time, and when Adam arrived out in Kim’s favourite jeans she had eggs ready to go. They ate and left, going down the elevator hand in hand. He didn’t want the drive to her apartment to end, but he pulled up and kissed her goodbye.

It was ten minutes to the precinct, and he waved at Platt as he went to go upstairs.

“Not so fast, Ruzek.”

“Yes, Sarge?” He asked, looking at her.

“You’re in a good mood. You haven’t been in a good mood since your breakup. What happened?” She fixed him with a glare, and he knew a full lie would never work.

“Kim and I talked last night about everything, clearing the air. We didn’t want our personal lives interfering with the job. I guess I got closure.”

“Hmm. Go on up there so.” He nodded and left, texting Kim quickly that Platt had stopped him.

Adam may not have been a detective like the rest of his team, but he knew his dramatic change of mood was getting some looks from everyone. He kept his head down and worked until Voight sent him and Al out for a stakeout.

Spending time with Al in the car was a highlight of his day. When he’d told his pops he was partnered with Al, Bob told him to leave Intelligence and stay away. But whatever had happened in the past between the two, Adam was glad to spend that time with Al. He’d learned a lot about being a cop in the two and a half years.

“You’re in a good mood. Finally have a rebound?” Al asked, and Adam nearly spit out his coffee.

“No, nothing like that. I saw Kim at Molly’s last night, and she followed me home. We talked about what went wrong, why things ended. It helped, you know? At least I know why now, I’m not wondering.” He picked up the camera, taking a photo of a woman leaving the restaurant they were watching.

“What did go wrong?” Al asked, and Adam rolled his eyes.

“We didn’t talk. We both got so convinced things were one way and didn’t talk about it. And I had my head in the sand thinking it was fine, she had doubts. That raid was the last straw I guess. But we both know what happened now, so we’ve agreed we can be friends. I’m good with it.”

The older man clasped his arm, nodding. “I’m glad you could talk. There’s been a cloud over the precinct since you broke up.”

They made their arrest, Adam getting a punch to the cheekbone when he grabbed the perp, but it worked out. When he made it back to the precinct Kim and Roman were talking to Platt, and he nodded at them as he went upstairs.

“Ruzek, you ok?” Platt asked, and he turned and nodded.

“Yeah, I will be. Probably bruised. Don’t worry, I won’t mess up the guest photos for the wedding. Today’s your last shift before it, right?” He asked, trying to pass off the injury. He could see the worry in Kim’s eyes, but he just smiled.

“You better not! Glad you’re coming. Sorry you can’t make it, Roman, but we’ve limited space in Molly’s.”

He went upstairs, icing his cheek and watching the bruising form. It really wasn’t going to be pretty. But they finished vaguely on time for once, Voight kicking them out after the week it had been. It was Friday afternoon, he could go home and relax and hopefully that night he’d get to fall asleep holding his fiancée. It seemed pretty perfect.

“Ruz, you coming to Molly’s? You left early last night. Everything ok?” Kev asked, and Adam shook his head.

“Nah, I’d rather not. Don’t wanna scare anyone with my face! I’m gonna pick up pizza and head home. Text me over the weekend?”

“Sure man.”

Adam was in his car when his phone buzzed with a text from Kim.

Want me to come over?

It took less than three seconds for him to respond.

Definitely. And if you want to bring enough for the weekend?

I already packed a bag.

Adam drove home, ordering their pizza for delivery. He arrived home just before Kim got to the apartment, and he hadn’t been as happy in a long time. It wasn’t a dream, they were together.

Chapter 2>>

Taglist: @aruzlover @abbyscameron @morganupstead @adamruz @fullwattpadmusictree @redpoodlern @everythingaddictxx @write4life13 @lizlouisebrown @jeanjacketjesus @tuxieboy101-blog @thelittlepterophyllum @planecrazylex @sophiatellerrhodes @eternal-olicity @ossypooh @dissociation-writes @multicouple-lover

[darkverrmin]

Do You Like It? Pt. 2

Link to Part 1:

warning: people saying mean stuff to Jaskier, mentions of homophobia, light smut.

They walked out of the tavern and turned to a narrow path, shaded by trees. Jaskier chattered about nothing in particular and Geralt found his voice soothing. Their shoulders occasionally brushed by accident and it sent shivers down Geralt’s spine. Geralt sneaked glances at Jaskier when he thought the bard wasn’t paying attention. The Witcher still couldn’t calm himself about how good Jaskier looked with that black eyeliner and the unbuttoned shirt, revealing his chest hair. It was an odd mix of masculinity and femininity that sent a wave of arousal through Geralt’s body. When Jaskier caught him looking and smiled at him, Geralt imagined himself pushing Jaskier against a tree and kissing him breathless. But in reality, Geralt averted his gaze to the ground, his face hard and impassive.

They walked like that for half an hour, Jaskier talking and Geralt deep in his thoughts. They were already close to the inn when they passed a group of five men, leaning against a fallen tree trunk and talking loudly. Geralt glanced at them briefly, looking for any signs of danger. He instinctively took a step closer to Jaskier, ready to drag him away if anything went wrong. The men stared at them, but didn’t make any moves.

Just as they passed the group, a drunken voice called them from behind.

“Hey, pretty! My friend here is wondering how much you take for a blowjob!”

They stopped. The men burst out in loud laughter. Geralt felt a wave of rage washing over him. Jaskier turned at the offender, regarding him with a dismissive look, before rolling his eyes and turning away. “Such clever words from such a clever man. Let’s go” he addressed Geralt, resuming their walk.

“Hey! I’m talking to you! The twink with the makeup! Why won’t you come over here and we show you how a real man looks like!”. The men laughed again and someone whistled. Geralt glanced at Jaskier who raised his eyes to the sky, his expression showing exasperation and half-amusement. “Thank you, dear” he threw over his shoulder “But I like my men a little less thick headed”.

Some of the men laughed again and Geralt noticed from the corner of his eye that the offender launched in their direction, his face furious. “What was that, you little fucking-”

Geralt turned on his heels to grab the man, but he was too late. Jaskier gave him a firm kick in the groin, sending him to the ground howling. The other men jumped to their feet and one of them tried to grab Jaskier by the throat, only to be punched in the face by Geralt. Geralt shielded Jaskier with his body and growled at the men. One of them took a step backwards, whispering to the others “shit, it’s that damned Witcher”. The others lowered their fists and weapons, slowly backing away.

The offender stumbled back to his feet and tried to slip away from them. Geralt grabbed him firmly by the collar of his shirt and pushed him back to the ground again. The man tried to get up, but Geralt stepped on his shoulder, causing him to yelp in pain.

“Geralt!” Jaskier was staring at the scene with wide eyes. “Geralt, it’s not worth it!”. But the Wicther wasn’t listening to him. He pressed his boot harder against the man’s shoulder, causing him to groan.

“Apologize” Geralt growled. The man turned his head to look at Jaskier, blinking rapidly. “I-I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”. Geralt turned his head to look at Jaskier. “Do you accept his apology?”

Jaskier looked at Geralt before looking back at the man on the ground and nodding. “Yeah, I do”. Geralt stepped away from the man, still glaring. “You’re pathetic” the Witcher snarled. “And about being a man... You can be sure that he’s ten times more of a man than all of you will ever be, combined”. Jaskier almost gaped at those words, remaining silent.

Geralt walked away, shouldering past Jaskier. “Let’s go”.

Jaskier stared at the man who stumbled to his feet for another second, before turning away and following Geralt into the dark.

***

Geralt walked at a fast pace, his fists clenched at his sides. Jaskier caught up with him quickly, walking beside him and looking at him worryingly.

“Geralt”.

No response.

“Geralt, please slow down”.

Geralt ignored him, continuing at the same pace. Jaskier jumped in front of him, grabbing him by the arms. Jaskier’s forehead bumped painfully against the Witcher’s nose.

“Ahh, fuck” Jaskier groaned, rubbing his face. “Sorry”. The Witcher dropped his hand from his nose, still glaring. “What, Jaskier”.

Jaskier sighed, tilting his head to look into Geralt’s eyes. Geralt felt something stirring in his chest. Jaskier sighed, dropping his gaze to the ground. “I just wanted to say thank you, for what you did back there… And also, I’m sorry”.

Geralt blinked at him. “What the fuck are you sorry for?”

Jaskier still wasn’t looking at him. “Should’ve kept my mouth shut. Ignored him”.

“He was calling you a whore”.

“Well, it was kind of expected”.

Geralt blinked again, exasperated. “What?”

“I knew I might get shit from people if I walk around looking like this”

“That doesn’t make it okay for someone to speak to you that way”. Geralt paused, sighing quietly. “You know that, right?”

Jaskier shrugged, looking at the buttons of Geralt’s shirt. He realized he was still standing very close to the Witcher, so he took a step back. “I guess” he mumbled.

Geralt tilted his head to the side, incredulous. “You guess?”

Jaskier shrugged again. “I guess I’m just used to it”. When Geralt didn’t respond, Jaskier continued speaking. “I got a lot of shit like that when I was a child. And a teenager. Even in Oxenfurt. Playing the lute isn’t exactly considered popular among young men”. Jaskier paused, sighing and scratching at his cheek. “Neither does being with other men”.

Geralt gulped. “Being with other men?”

Jaskier rolled his eyes. “Being. Sleeping. Yes, I sleep with men, too. Want me to spell it out for you? I think you understood me well the first time”.

“I didn’t know that” Geralt muttered quietly. He felt a knot of anxiety tying itself in his stomach.

Jaskier chuckled. “Well, I wasn’t exactly exclusive about it. But I thought you figured it out by yourself already”.

“No”.

“Right. Um, okay. Well, um, now you know. Hope it doesn’t change your opinion about me”.

Geralt sighed, getting angry again. “Why would it change my opinion about you?”

“I don’t know” Jaskier’s voice sounded small and Geralt immediately regretted raising his voice at him. “You aren’t exactly easy to read, Geralt. I was worried you’d think something bad of me because of the makeup”.

“It looks good on you”. The words came out of his mouth before he realized what he said.

Jaskier gaped at him. And then his face lit up. “Huh. Wow. Thank you. Sorry, caught me a little off guard there... Unless you’re lying”.

Geralt rolled his eyes. “I’m not lying, Jaskier”. Geralt met Jaskier’s gaze, who was looking at him softly. Geralt felt his heart hammering against his ribcage.

“That’s very sweet of you, Geralt”.

“You don’t need my confirmation to wear something you like”.

“I know, but it’s still nice to hear. Especially from you”. If Geralt had looked away in that moment, he wouldn’t notice Jaskier’s gaze flickering momentarily to his lips. But he didn’t.

Realization struck Geralt hard at that moment. Jaskier liked men. Jaskier was staring at him softly, calling him sweet. Jaskier was looking at his lips.

Geralt stopped thinking as he walked over to Jaskier. He went with his gut. Jaskier slowly uncrossed his arms, dropping them to the sides of his body. He stared at Geralt with raised eyebrows, but didn’t move an inch, when Geralt stopped right in front of him.

Feeling brave and stupid, Geralt slowly raised his hands to cup Jaskier’s cheeks. Jaskier closed his eyes momentarily, leaning into the touch. He opened them again, staring at Geralt with expectation. Geralt hummed softly, stroking Jaskier’s cheek with his thumb.

“I lied” The Witcher murmured, leaning in closer, his lips almost touching Jaskier’s. Jaskier let his eyes fall half closed, parting his lips slightly. “About?” Jaskier whispered.

Geralt looked at his lips before looking back to his eyes. He moved one hand from Jaskier’s cheek up to his hair, fingers tangling themselves in the soft, brown locks. Jaskier sighed quietly in pleasure.

Geralt titled his head to the side, his nose brushing against Jaskier's. “I don’t think you look only good like this. I think you look beautiful”. Jaskier closed his eyes and leaned in, brushing his lips softly against Geralt’s. Geralt responded by gently catching Jaskier’s lower lip in his mouth, sucking on it lightly. Jaskier pressed his body against Geralt’s, tangling his fingers in the Witcher’s long hair and tugging lightly.

Geralt was sure at this point that he was dreaming.

He licked at Jaskier’s lips and Jaskier parted them, allowing Geralt’s tongue to explore his mouth. When Geralt’s tongue met his, Jaskier moaned into the kiss and the sound of it drove Geralt crazy. He slowly walked Jaskier back, pressing him against a nearby rock. Jaskier responded by sitting on top of it and wrapping his legs around the Wicther’s thighs, pulling him even closer. Geralt groaned into Jaskier’s mouth as their erections pressed together. Jaskier started to feverishly unbutton Geralt’s shirt, his hands slipping over the Witcher’s broad chest. Geralt responded by gripping Jaskier’s ass and grinding against him.

“Fuck,” Jaskier gasped. “I want you. Here. Right now. On the grass”.

Geralt chuckled low in his throat, moving down to kiss Jaskier’s neck. “Not here. Too dangerous”.

“I am not waiting all the way back to the inn, Geralt”.

“Why not? It will give us something to expect for, once we arrive”.

Jaskier pouted at him and Geralt looked up and felt his heart melting. He stood up straight, leaning his forehead against Jaskier’s, his eyes boring into his. Jaskier chuckled, sneaking an arm under the Wicther’s shirt and stroking his hip bone. The touch made Geralt visibly shiver.

“I should’ve worn makeup a long time ago” Jaskier murmured with a smile.

Geralt rolled his eyes fondly, kissing Jaskier again. He pulled away momentarily to say “You’re a fool to think that this is just because of the makeup”.

He gave Jaskier’s ass a firm squeeze, causing him to gasp into his mouth.

“You. Me. My bed at the inn. Now”.

(to be continued!)

[harryssunflowerkiwi]

‘KIWI’ Part 2.

Pairing: Harry Styles x female reader.

Synopsis: You see Harry again. he’s still smitten and you’re horny.

Word count: 8.1K

Warnings: swearing, drinking, drugs (cocaine; mentioned in some detail), and SMUT (unprotected! Wrap it up pls), and slight pain kink. 18+

A/N: Hello! I hope you’re doing good :) here’s part two!!! Yay!! Thank you to those who liked part one. I truly am having so much fun writing this. Sorry it took me 80000 years to post this, I took a break! But it’s here and I’m so happy. Also, this is my first time writing smut! So please be nice but let me know what you think. Again, please keep in mind that this is PURE FICTION and is in no way an accurate dipiction of Harry Styles! It’s just for entertainment purposes. Also! For the purpose of the story, please pretend kiwi was not part of HS1 and instead part of his third (unwritten) album :) With that being said, i hope you love this part as much as I do xoxo

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU LIKE IT :)

🥝 Outfits mentioned in this part 🥝

Words underlined are links !

PART 1

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September 12th 2020~

It’s nine days since Harry had met you, nine long days. For him the days since have been filled with long studio hours and sleepless nights. Every night he’d come home and wonder when he’d get the chance to meet you again, he’d think about what you were doing and if you were thinking about him as much as he’d been thinking about you. Surely you hadn’t, he thought. If you had been interested you would have given him your phone number, like all the other girls had jumped at the chance to do. He tried to stay humble, but he wasn’t oblivious to the effect he had on women. It was obvious, atleast it always had been before. They all threw themselves at him, but you didn’t. You didn’t even give him a proper excuse to why he couldn’t have your number. You showed him very little interest and yet, here he was completely infatuated after one simple meeting. Sure, meeting you gave him enough inspiration to write songs which was initially the reason he went to that party. But it only left him wanting to do whatever he could to get the chance to see you again.

The days since the party have been rather stress filled for you on the other hand. With London fashion week coming up in less than a week you had so much work to do. You had a fashion show on the seventeenth to prepare for and dozens of custom outfits for various celebrities to finalize. It was both exhausting and exhilarating. You had thought about Harry, he’d pop up in your head whenever a song of his would play in the office or in the coffee shop you went to almost everyday. You felt the spark when you two had met, of course you did. He was incredibly attractive, charming, and kind but you didn’t have time to be dating a celebrity of his stature. You have a buisness to run and the last thing you need a bunch of insanely nosey fans bullying you along with the heartbreak of the inevitable break up.

Harry was sitting in the studio with Mitch, Sarah, and Charlotte recording. The three of his band mates were in the booth recording their respective parts of a song Harry had written a few months back called “30,000 miles” while Harry was sat on one of the black leather couches just outside the booth attempting to write. Although he’s been able to write a lot about you, he’s only gotten one song even remotely close to being finished. Most of what’s he’s writin since meeting you has come out more like journal entries about how your eyes made him quiver and how when you hugged him he felt like your touch was exactly what he’d been missing thus far. It all sounded like a horny fourteen year old, Harry thought. He needed to see you again for his feelings to repourpose themselves into more coherent emotions. Harry had been wracking his brain on how to make that happen since the two of you met, and the only thing he could think of was to ask Jeff. The only problem with that, however, was that Jeff would more than likely tell you and make Harry look desperate. And even though he was bordering on desperate, he certainly didn’t want you to know that.

Harry was lost in thought (about you of course) when Mitch came out of the booth and sat in the dark blue velvet armchair directly across from Harry. “Still having trouble dude?” He asked sympathetically bringing Harry out of his little trance. Harry sighed and moved his gaze away from the small leather bound notebook he was writing in to focus on his friend.

“S’ just hard man. S’neva been this hard before.” Harry said as he closed the book.

Mitch nodded and mumbled “it’s probably because you’ve never been single while tryna write”. Harry put his palms over his face and let out deep chuckle.

“Fuck, you’ve go’ a good point” he agreed as he sat lower into the couch.

“Are you interested in anyone at all right now? I mean I don’t think I’ve seen ya single for this long in forever” Mitch pointed out as he reached for his water bottle from beside the sound board. Harry sighed deeply, ran his right hand through his curls and gave Mitch a little pout.

“Who is she dude?” Mitch asks with after letting out a loud laugh at his friend being overly dramatic.

“Y’ remember y/n? The designer fo’ KIWI?” Harry responds, leaning forward and rests his left palm under his chin.

“Fuckin hell H. Wasn’t that night the first time you met her?” Mitch says with a grin, obviously teasing Harry.

“I know, I know. S’fuckin ridiculous but I can’ stop thinking about her” Harry replied as he slouched himself back into the couch shoved his black raybans off the top of his head so they were sitting on his nose, covering his embassment.

September 13th 2020~

Today is Sunday, which means it’s Harry’s day off. He didn’t really know what to do with the day but he was still extremely happy to have time to relax and try (and fail) to not worry about everything. He woke up at ten this morning, actually allowing himself to sleep in to make up for the various all nighters he had been pulling throughout the last week. He dreamt of you but not in the way he’d want, not one of those erotic sex dreams where he could make all his needs come true. No. In his dream you were with someone else, and he kept trying to talk to you but you couldn’t hear him or you were simply ignoring him. Either way it didn’t feel good but for some ungodly reason he’d still woken up with a raging boner. “Fuckin ‘ell even the thought of her wit’ someone else gets me off” he grumbled with a groan in frustration as he rolled out of bed.

As Harry was making himself breakfast, chopping yellow grape tomatoes on the large oak cutting board that sat on the marble counter next to the stove, he heard his phone ring. He looked around to try and spot where the ringing was coming from as he’d forgotten where he’d put it. He spotted it on the island behind him and to his left. He sprinted over to it and quickly answered with his left hand, wiping the tomato juice off the fingers on his right hand off on his blue sweatpants. “Harry here” he said realizing he hadn’t checked to see who it was before answering.

“Harry! I’ve got great news for you mate” Mitch’s deep American accent rang through the phone.

“Wha’ is the good news Mitch?” Harry asked as he sat at one of the light blue quilted stools that sat at the island, suddenly feeling slightly anxious.

“I’ve just found out KIWI is doing a show for London fashion week, it’s this Thursday” Harry could practically hear the grin on Mitch’s face through his voice. A fashion show? How could he get an invite four days before the show? Would he even get the chance to see her if he did? Won’t she be busy? Won’t she think he’s weird for going? Harry’s mind was filled with questions he knew Mitch wouldn’t have the answers to.

“Dude?” Mitch’s voice snapped Harry out of his panicked thoughts.

“Gotta go man, thanks for telling me” Harry mumbled before hanging up quickly.

After a few hours of debating with himself and trying tirelessly to forget about the idea all together, Harry found himself sat at his dining table with his phone open to Jeff’s contact. He stared down at the phone resting against the mahogany wood dining table trying to convince himself this was a bad idea. However, his efforts were in vain in the end. He glanced at the time in the right hand corner and it showed 12:41AM. He pressed the call button so quickly he himself even doubted if he’d done it at all, but evidently the calling screen came up and he brought it to his ear. Letting out a huge sigh at the forth ring, figering Jeff wouldn’t even pick up at this time of night. “Hello?” Harry almost dropped the phone when he’d heard Jeff’s voice on the other end.

“Um h-hello, Jeff s’ Harry” he stuttered slightly, still not really believing he was going through with this.

“Yeah H, I know. What’s up?” Jeff chuckled loudly.

“Oh umm so you uh know y/n right?” Harry asked trying not to seem to eager.

Again, Jeff laughed a bit before saying “you like her don’t you?”. Harry groaned internally at his friends ability to gudge his feelings based on his voice alone.

“Doesn’ matter, was jus’ callin’ to see if you could get meh a seat at the KIWI show on Thursday” Harry said as more of a statement rather than a question, feeling his confidence peak its head again.

“H, that’s in four days” Jeff responded without hesitation.

“Yeh I know, I jus’ ave’ to be there alrigh’?” Harry asked as politely as he could without making it obvious he was trying desperately to avoid any further questioning.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do”.

September 14th 2020~

Today was incredibly busy for you. There were only three days till your show and you still had so much to do to make sure it would be perfect. You were currently at the office that you rent out for KIWI. The space is nice, modern and open with a slightly acclectic feel to match your taste. There were 3 separated offices, the smallest was for your assistant Grace, another for the head of public relations for the company who’s name is Gretchen, and the largest one at the end of the hall was yours. You decorated nicely, but kept it minimal as to not cause to many distractions. You only came in when there was issues you couldn’t deal with from home or when you just felt like getting out of the house to work. You liked to keep your company small, only hiring people who you really trust for jobs you couldn’t handle yourself. Even though KIWI is incredibly successful, you were generally able to manage it with little help.

At 7:13AM you arrived, greeting Grace and heading straight to your private office telling her to follow you. Once sat in your large brown leather chair Grace started giving you the rundown of who’s called, what there is to do, shipments, etc. “Jeff Azoff called early this morning, he left a voicemail asking for your availability. I told him to call back at 11 just before you go out for lunch as that is your earliest availability today” she relayed as she stood nervously (she was pretty much always nervous, even though she’d been working for you for over two years).

“Okay, did he mention what it was about?” You asked wondering what he could possibly need that he wouldn’t just call your cell.

“No, but he did say it’s urgent” Grace responded with a small nod.

At a quarter to eleven your desk phone rang, you picked up at the first ring already sitting right next to it typing out an email on your laptop. “Mr. Azoff on line 2” Grace said on the other side.

“Great, thanks Grace” you responded before hanging up and switching to line two. “Hey Jeff” you said as you closed your laptop.

“Hi! How’s it going y/n, haven’t talked since the party” he asked seeming quite cheery.

“I’m good Jeff, why are you calling through KIWI? Why not just call my cell?” You questioned rather confused.

“Ah because you told me not to call your cell for matters concerning KIWI-” he said as if it was obvious.

“Right, but you you’ve only ever called regarding KIWI to get pieces for one of your clients and you usually go through Gretchen” you cut him off, still extremely confused.

He chuckled before saying “Well If you’d stop cutting me off I’d tell you why I’m calling. I need a front row seat for your show on Thursday”. Well, that was certainly not what you thought he’d say. He’s never asked for a seat at one of your shows, let alone a front row three days before it happens.

“What? Are you insane? It’s in three days. Why on earth would you need a front row seat?” You asked, now even more confused.

“It’s not for me, it’s for Harry. C’mon I know you can bump someone back a bit, it’ll be good publicity having him there” Jeff said calmly. You had to do a bit of a double take when he mentioned Harry’s name, why would Jeff need him to be there this last minute? He had surely already been invited to the Gucci show on the same day. You sighed

“I don’t know, the people I put in front row deserve to be there. Any of them would take it as an insult to be put in second row”. You heard hum quietly on the other side of the phone

“y/n if you put Harry upfront it’ll be good for KIWI, you know I’m right” he continued. You let out a frustrated huff, you knew he was right. The paps would have a field day with him missing the Gucci show to come to yours, but you already had so much to deal with.

“Was this your idea or his?” You asked, genuinely curious. “He asked me to, but I think it’s an incredible idea for both of you” he said confidently.

“Fine, call Grace to set up the details. I’ll have an outfit sent to Harry by Wednesday morning just email me his measurements. He can’t be showing up to my show in Gucci” you replied sternly, giving in.

Harry was at the studio when Jeff called him. He was going over some adjustments for ‘30,000 miles’ with Kid Harpoon when his phone rang. “Jeff! Any news?” He said hopefully after picking up as soon as he was Jeff’s contact.

Jeff chuckled at the boys eagerness “Mhm you’re lucky I’m so good at convincing people, you’ve got a front row seat at the KIWI fashion show this Thursday” he said proudly.

Harry stood out of the leather rolling chair instantly and yelled “Wooooo!” Slightly starting Kid and causing Jeff to laugh through the phone.

“I’m glad I could get it for ya H. They are sending over an outfit for you to wear and I’ll have a car at your place on Thursday at 6PM sharp to pick you up.” Harry smiled widely, taking in the information as he sat back down.

“Thank ya’ Jeff, y’ the best manager eva’”

September 17th 2020~

Today is the big day. Of course it’s not your first runway show but the nerves never lessen, every time it gets more intense and nerve-racking. The cloths you design are your heart and soul, your blood sweat and tears, your everything. This makes showing them off to critics and the entire world terrifying but exciting. Not to mention you’ve decided to walk as the last model for the finale, which makes the whole thing even scarier as you’ve never really walked a runway as a model.

For some reason the knowledge that Harry was going to be front row made you all the more anxious and you hated it. No man has ever made you nervous at your own damn fashion show, it’s rediculous. “I don’t even like him” you said aloud to yourself as you were in the car on the way to the venue. Luckily by now your driver knows well enough to keep his mouth shut when you talk to yourself.

Once you arrived at the venue it was half past two. You always show up hours before the show to help set up, get all the outfits in place for the respective models and make sure everything is absolutely perfect. You’d spent months designing the way you wanted the show to look, clothing aside. The catwalk is all white, ensuring that all the colors included in the collection pop as they were meant to, especially once photographed. Above the runway are large fixtures that are meant to look like clouds, giving the whole collection an airy out-of-this-world feel. Which is exactly what you had planned when designing it.

Backstage was hectic and stressful, as it always was. The models all arrived at three, giving everyone enough time to get hair and makeup done in time for the show. The makeup and hair you had chosen for this collection was simple, yet bold. Nothing to extreme to not take away from the clothes.

Harry was incredibly excited for the show, more excited than he had been for a fashion show since the first one he attended. He was there to see you, but he was also elated to get to see the collection. He’s never been disappointed by the pieces you’d designed. Even before his newfound crush on you. You were exceedingly talented and fantastic at what you do, he’s known that since long before he met you. The suit you’d sent for him was breathtaking to say the least. He absolutely adored it. It was a black suit, with gold lining and silver flower embroidery all along the jacket. It made him feel like a billion dollars.

Harry arrived just before the show started, not to seem to eager in case you came to survey the venue before it started. He found the seat with his name on it and grinned widely as he sat. His seat was right at the end of the runway where the models would turn before walking back. It was the ideal spot really, and it gave him butterflies thinking that you gave him the best spot. The venue was nothing like he’d ever seen before and he was sure you had something to do with that also, because it was breathtaking.

Time went by like a blink of the eye for you, what seemed like twenty minutes turned out to be an hour. You were ushered to the hair and makeup chair to prepare for the finale. For some reason all your nerves had dissipated, completely vanished into thin air as you sat and listened to the makeup artist compliment you on how incredible everything looked.

After forty minutes in the hair and makeup chair you were being dressed. You had chosen one of the only gowns in the collection for the finale, wanting to go out on a memorable note (even though you considered every piece in the collection to be memorable). The gown was a floor length fully hand embroidered black and gold gown. Each embroidery was done by you. It had long sleeves with the same detailing and it was sinched perfectly around your waist with a large solid gold plate. The gown was the piece that inspired the whole collection, taking almost six months to make. You were very proud of it and you felt incredibly sexy.

As your stylists were putting you in your black pumps, one of the coordinators came over and said “miss y/l/n is on in five”. You took a deep breath, attempting to mentally prepare yourself. You followed the coordinator towards the entrance to the catwalk. You felt eerily calm, you knew you should be freaking out but you weren’t. You felt incredible.

“3..2...1.. here comes y/n for the finale”

Harry was thoroughly enjoying the show, each item was completely perfect. Everything was cohesive but wildly different, anyone with working eyes could tell how much thought and attention to detail was put into everything. Even the styling was uniquely perfect, each model wore the pieces like they were made for them. Not a single thing looked out of place, everything belonged in a rabelious harmony and Harry was completely enveloped in it. The music stopped playing as the last model walked out, Harry looked around as another song started playing. Assuming this was the finale, Harry sat up straighter and grinned. Excited to see whatever you had planned. As the beat dropped in the song, all the models came walking out in two lines. One on the right and one on the left. Once the two front models came to the end of the catwalk they all stopped and slowly bowed their heads. Harry’s heart was beating so fast he thought he might actually have a heart attack. Then all of a sudden you walked around the corner and stepped onto the runway and Harry’s heart stopped completely. You were walking towards him like you had walked a million runways. You looked so powerful and sexy. The gown you wore was nothing short of breathtaking, a fine piece of art and the way it fit your body made all the blood rush towards his crotch.

As you reached the end of the catwalk you looked directly at Harry, who was sitting right night to the main camera. You gave him a quick knowing smirk, obviously seeing the pure shock on his face as you turned around and started walking back towards the entrance. God, you felt fucking incredible. Each model followed you one by one off the runway before the music stopped.

September 23rd 2020~

The last three days went by relatively fast for you. The show went exactly how you wanted it to and it was nothing short of perfection. All the press had been incredible and the critics were being positive which wasn’t always a given. There’s been a lot of buzz about the gown you wore, in fact, there’s word of the national art museum of London wanting to showcase it which is unbelievable. All your success has been skyrocketed, even from what it was at before. Having Harry at the show helped with the media buzz, they always went crazy when he was around but it did start rumours of the two of you dating. Especially after the pictures from the show were released and it was very obvious he was staring at you in such a way. You didn’t really care though, all publicity was good publicity.

It was Wednesday today, and you decided to work from home this week because you were still pretty exhausted from all the work you’d done in preparation for the show. Your day had been relitively slow, answering emails and drawing out some new designs for spring. You were sitting at your desk drawing out a coat design when your phone started ringing, you glanced at it and saw Glenne’s name pop up. You smiled lightly and picked up up.

“Hello?” You greeted her.

“Hey y/n! How are you?” She asked cheerily.

“I’m great G, just finishing some work. How are you?” You asked as you sat back in your chair.

“Great! So the reason I’m calling is because Jeff and I wanted to throw a party for you to celebrate the show. Obviously we need you here for that” she giggled, obviously excited.

“Aw of course I’ll come. What day is it?” You asked.

“It’s Friday night! It’ll be at the Hilton hotel, just give them your name. We’d like everyone to be there at nine if possible” she responded.

“Okay! I’ll be there at seven babe” you said as you stood up to look in your fridge, suddenly feeling hungry.

“Harry will be there” Glenne said knowingly, slightly drawing out the end of his name. You laughed as you shoved a slice of cheese into your mouth.

“And?” You asked.

She giggled again, “he’s been asking about you a lot lately, and we all saw him at your show. You two are obviously fucking” she said in a mocking tone.

“G! We are not. He’s just obsessed with me” you chuckled, rummaging through your fridge for more snacks.

“Oh stop, who isn’t? Plus you guys would be adorable together!” She responded loudly through the phone.

“G, he’s the relationship type and I’m so far from that, you know this” you said sternly.

“Y/N you don’t even know him, how do you know he’s the relationship type?” She asked giggling at your tendency to assume you know people immediately upon meeting them.

“I’ve heard his music, G. Anyways, I’ve got to go make something to eat before my stomach eats itself. I’ll see you Friday”.

September 25th 2020~

As soon as Jeff told Harry about the party they were throwing for you he was ecstatic, knowing he’d get a chance to actually speak to you. Since it was a celebration of you and KIWI, Harry decided to wear some of the pieces he owned that you designed. It took him about 30 minutes to decided on which of your designs he wanted to wear, hoping you would appreciate the gesture. Jeff had already assured Harry that he wouldn’t be the only one wearing KIWI at the party when he brought up the idea to him, which made Harry feel more comfortable. Eventually he decided to wear a two piece set you’d designed last season. It was Harry’s favourite. It was a long sleeve button up shirt and long perfectly fitted trousers, both made out of a beautiful sparkly blue fabric with a light contrast stitching. 

Upon arriving at the hotel Harry noticed that there were many cars parked out front and all down the street, way more than there had been at the last get together. He assumed it was because you would have invited more of your circle this time, as they were celebrating you. Harry made it up to the penthouse where the lady at the front desk had told him to go, and was greeted at the door by Jeff, quickly giving him a hug and ushering him into the large room. “Sorry I’m a little late, had some issues with m’ car” Harry apologized to Jeff with a small smile, both of them fully aware that he was indeed late because he takes so long to get ready.

“S’all good man, it’s just getting started” Jeff chuckled lowly as Harry followed him through the foyer and into the large open living room, where it seemed most of the party goers were. It was a pretty busy, around 80 people from what Harry could see. Through the crowd his eyes landed directly on you. You were talking to a small group of people, some of who Harry recognized. You were sitting on one of the big couches on the right side of the open space, you were slowly nodding while sipping from a glass of dark brown liquid. You were wearing a gold sparkly jumpsuit that hugged every inch of your torso in the most flattering way possible and flared at the from the knee down. Half of your wavy hair was effortlessly pinned back with a brown claw clip. You looked so beautiful, you stood out in the crowd of other beautiful people. Your energy and vibrancy completely overpowering the room.

As soon as Harry entered the living room with Jeff your attention was taken away from the group of friends around you. You immediately noticed that Harry was wearing one of your personal favourite designs, and you could tell he had spotted you aswell. As if he was looking for you, he smiled widely as you made eye contact. “Excuse me guys, I’m going to grab another drink” you smiled at the group before standing up and walking across the living room diagonally towards the open concept kitchen to the left of the living room. You purposefully glanced at Harry as you walked passed him with a cute innocent smile.

As soon as you entered the kitchen and bar area you felt someone behind you, you turned on your heel being met with Harry a few feet behind you. “Ello love” he greeted you with his deep English accent, “congratulations on the show, ‘t was incredible” he complimented with a genuine smile on his soft pink lips. You smiled back and slowly looked him up and down, observing his body in your design.

“Thank you, Harry. I’m glad you liked it. Lovely choice by the way” you said as you motioned towards his outfit with your hand.

“T’was hard too choose which one to wear if I’m ‘onest” he replied with a low chuckle as he stepped towards you a bit.

“You made the right choice, it’s one of my favourite designs I’ve done” you complimented as you leaned against the large marble counter, placing your almost empty drink on it “fits your body perfectly” you continued as you met your gaze with his again.

“It does doesn’t it?” He asked cheekily as he pulled at the top a bit with his ring clad hands. “Y’ look incredible, love the jumpsuit” he flattered as he moved about a foot closer, leaving only a few inches between the two of you.

You smirked “so charming” you replied as you gently touched his cheek while holding strong eye contact. You could feel his heart beating against your arm. You stared at each other for a few more seconds, almost as if you were having a conversation solely through eye contact.

“You need a drink” you smiled as you let your hand fall from his face and you spinned around as you made your way over to the bar.

Harry was completely stunned as he watched you walk over to the large bar, quickly grabbing all the ingredients for whatever drink you had decided he should drink. Being so close to you only moments before made his mind blur and his heart race. How could you just walk away when it seemed as if you were about to kiss him? Most people would jump at the chance. But he assumes most people would also jump at the chance to kiss you, he certainly would. He was taken out of his thoughts by your sweet voice. “Harry” you called for him from the bar, his name sounding like heaven coming out of your mouth like that.

“What’d ya make me love?” He asked as he walked over to you. You held out a glass filled with dark brown liquid and a single large ice cube in it.

“A Manhattan, it’s my favourite” you blinked sweetly at him, the sides of your mouth tugging up at the sides as he grabbed it mimicking your smile before taking a sip and making a face as though he’d just taken a shot. Your smile grew.

“S’very strong love, but good” he assured you.

“Mmm what’s the point of a drink if it’s not strong enough to burn” you replied, not as a question but rather a strong statement again hitting him with that beautiful stare. You picked up your own drink (the same as the one you’d made for him) and said a quick “cheers” before downing most of it. Harry was about to say something but was quickly inturrupted by a group of people entering the bar area.

The group consisted of a few people Harry knew, immediately recognizing Lizzo, ASAP Rocky, Gigi and Bella Hadid but there were a few others with them he didn’t know (or atleast didn’t recognize). The smile on your face grew into a wide grin as Bella squealed and said your name, engulfing you in a bear hug. “Bells!” You giggled lightly into her shoulder before releasing from the hug.

“The show was incredible Y/N. You’re a fucking genius” she praised as she walked behind the bar, still smiling widely.

“You walked in it love” you reminded her, giggling as you went to greet Rocky. The two of you hugged tightly before releasing, Rocky’s hands going up to cup your face.

“You killed it baby, just like you always do” he said as he kissed your nose. You could feel Harry’s eyes burning into the side of your head as he chatted along with lizzo.

“Mm thank you Rocky, you know you’re my muse” you grinned wider as you kissed both his hands in appreciation.

Harry couldn’t help but watch your interaction with Rocky, you seemed so comfortable, so intimate. Harry felt a pang of jealousy run through his stomach at you calling Rocky your “muse”. He brushed it off with a clearing of his throat as he turned his attention back to lizzo. “You good H? Uh oh. Y/N made you one of her manhattans didn’t she?” Lizzo laughed loudly looking down at the drink in his hands before hitting Harry’s shoulder playfully, the question bringing your attention to them.

“Hey! My manhattans are world renowned Mel” (Lizzo’s real name is Melissa) you said proudly as you took a few steps forward, closing the distance between you and the couple. You pulled Lizzo in for a hug “m glad you came” you said as the two of you pulled apart.

“Of course! The collection is legendary as per” she replied genuinely. You thanked her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning your attention to Harry.

“If you’ll excuse Harry and I, Mel. He was just about to escort me outside for a smoke” you informed her, all well making full eye contact with Harry.

“Mhmmm you two have fun, come get me for shots later”

Harry followed you outside onto the large open balcony, watching you greet people on the way, doing the same if he knew the person. As soon as the two of you stepped outside Harry watched you take a deep breath, tipping your head back slightly to take in the fresh air. It looked almost erotic, even though it was just a simple action it made all Harry’s senses tingle. “How do’ya know Rocky?” Harry asked seemingly out of nowhere, it almost shocked himself. He knew he tends to get jealous rather easily, and maybe even a little possessive but usually it only comes out with people he’s exclusive with, not a women he’s never even kissed. And yet, there it was. He tried to sound casual but worried he failed terribly. You turned your head to him with a slight smirk before licking your lower lip and chuckling slightly.

“Oh, we’ve known each other for a long time. Met him at a party when I was first starting out” you said nonchalantly before grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the small table that sat on the deck. Harry nodded, understanding that you were in no way going to give away the nature of yours and Rockys relationship.

“I listened through your album again this morning” you admitted, effortlessly changing the subject back to him while taking a long drag of the cigarette you had just lit. Harry tried his best to hide the grin appearing on his face as he stared at you,

“did ya?” He asked waiting for you to continue your thought.

“Mhm. Listened to it in the shower” you hummed, as you leaned forward against the railing in front of the two of you, taking in the view and breaking eye contact.

The thought of you listening to Harry sing while completely naked in the shower made his skin feel like it was on fire and all his blood rush down to his groin. “What’s y’ favourite song?” He asked, leaning his back against the railing right next to you and looking down at your face. You looked up at him and hummed in thought.

“She” you said with a thoughtful, almost devious smile before standing up straight and putting out your smoke.

“Let’s go do shots, yeah?” Harry nodded with an amused smile as you grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the hotel.

Four shots and two hours later Harry found himself sitting on one of the couches to the right side of the open living room, watching you dance along with your friends in the middle. You looked so free, so careless, so magical. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you, trying to listen to whatever Jeff was trying to tell him to his right. “You’re not paying attention are you man?” Harry heard Jeff ask through a laugh as he followed Harry’s eyeline straight to you. Harry pried his eyes away from you to look at Jeff

“sorry mate. I’m listenin’” Harry told him, not really trying to be convincing.

“She’s an actress y’know. Not literally, but she knows how to get what she wants, she always has. But she’s got a good heart, just be careful alright?” Jeff said to him, patting his knee before standing up and walking over to glenne who was stood at the other side of the room.

Harry sat, watching you as he went over what Jeff had said to him a few moments ago. “She’s an actress”. Did he have to be careful? You didn’t look dangerous, but you did scare him a little. Not because he thought you’d physically hurt him or anything, but he knew if he’d let you, you could dig deep into his already fragile heart. Break it, possibly like it hadn’t been before.

Harry was brought out of his thoughts by seeing you turn your body towards where he was sitting, breaking yourself out of the group of friends that surrounded you. You made eye contact with Harry and motioned for him to come to you with your perfectly manicured right hand. You weren’t smiling, but he could see a glint of something he thought was amusement in your eyes. He got up and walked over to you. “You motioned fo’ me love?” He asked as he approached, a small smirk apparently on both your lips.

“Mhm, come” you said as you offered him your hand. He took your small hand in his as you ushered him through the growing crowd.

The two of you walked all the way through the living room, and passed the kitchen before entering a smaller room to the left of the kitchen. As you entered Harry took in his surroundings, it appeared to be an office space. There was a glass table in the center of the room with a large plate decorated with multiple lines of white powder on it, along with three chairs; one blue velvet and the other two grey of the same material. There were a few other people in the room, but Harry didn’t recognize them. “Some privacy please loves” you said aloud, asking them to leave Harry and yourself alone in the space. The strangers immediately obliged when they saw you, muttering greetings as they exited. You turned around to face Harry who was standing only slightly behind you.

“do you fancy a line Harry?” You asked, your hand coming up to touch his shoulder lightly.

“S’ a party innit?” He agreed, making you smile all too innocently given what he was agreeing to was quite the opposite. You walked over to the plate of narcotics, picking up the metal straw from beside it before holding it up to your nose. You bent over the table, flipping your hair over to the right side to make sure it didn’t get in the way as you breathed in deep through your nose inhaling a thick line of the powder. Harry watched as you stood up straight, tipping your head back and inhaling through your nose to make sure you got it all. You let out a cheery giggle before holding the straw out to Harry. He took it and did the same.

Just as Harry stood up straight you gently carressed his left cheek, staring into his blown out pupils. “God, you’re somethin’ else” he spoke just below a whisper, only loud enough for you to barely hear. He brought his large ring filled hand up to your waist as your hand fell from his cheek to his neck. He applied pressure to your waist encouraging you to move so your bum was pushed against the glass table. Once you obliged he moved even closer to you so your noses were practically touching, his hand moving to smooth itself over your back to hold you in place.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, his voice much lower and more raspy than it had been. His eyes filled with desperation and lust. Instead of responding you giggled lightly and pulled him in by his neck, connecting your lips. The kiss was slow and messy, but filled with an undying passion. Your left hand squeezed his neck slightly, egging him on as one of his hands went to cup your jaw while the other one steadied on your waist. You opened your mouth slightly, inviting him in which he immediately took advantage of, sliding his tongue into your mouth. Both your lips were slightly numb from the coke but it did nothing but intensify the feeling. He tasted like whiskey and peppermint, making your head dizzy (in the most incredible way). You let your hands drop down to his waistband, slowly untucking the button down from his trousers and beginning to undue the buttons. Your eagerness made a low groan erupt from the back of his throat, feeling his boner growing rapidly at your touch. You broke the kiss as you finished unbuttoning his shirt, both of your breathing unsteady. He watched as you ran your hands up his torso slowly before pushing his sleeves off his wide shoulders. You made eye contact with him as he went to kiss you again, you stopped him shaking your head. You bent your head down slightly and licked his chest, starting from the top of his butterfly tattoo and ending just under his jaw. The feeling driving Harry completely insane with lust, goosebumps appearing all over his body as he let out a throaty moan

“y’ drivin’ me fuckin’ crazy” he said as you came up, standing up straight.

“Sit” you spoke, pointing at the large blue velvet chair next to you, not breaking eye contact. You could still hear the booming music and people taking from the other rooms as you watched him sit. You turned around so your back was facing Harry as you undid the tie that held up the top part of your jumpsuit letting it fall down, exposing your entire torso and back.

You heard Harry mutter a low “fuck” as you turned around and positioned yourself on top of him, successfully straddling his lap.

You could feel the exceedingly large bulge through his pants pressing against your crotch as he began kissing down your neck and towards your breasts causing you to moan slightly.

“Please Harry” you said breathlessly, giving him some control as you began slowly grinding back and forth against him.

“Tell me princess. Tell me what ya want” he raspily requested as he gripped onto your hips with both his hands, guiding your movements.

“I want you to fuck me harry, I want you to use me” you said still grinding against him while looking down slightly into his eyes as he stared back up at you. Without hesitation he lifted you, firmly holding onto your bum as he stood up and set you down on the table.

“Lift up love” he ordered, you leaned back on your hands and lifted up for bum so he could pull down the remaining part of your jumpsuit. After discarding the material to the side, taking your nude pumps along with it, he took a moment to take in your practically naked body. You grinned widely at his reaction as he began to grope your boobs, once again connecting his lips with yours. You reached your hands down to undo the button of his pants, using your skilled fingers you got them down in record time. You looked back up at him to see his eyes already staring at you. You placed your hands on either side of his face while his still ran along your nude body.

“Please Harry, I need your cock” you whispered seductively causing his whole body to go into overdrive.

He quickly pulled down his already undone trousers and boxers before sliding your peach coloured thong to the side, feeling your dripping pussy with his index finger and letting out an animalistic groan. You watched as he grabbed his large dick with his left hand, lining himself up at your entrance before turning his gaze back to your face. You both held eye contact as he entered you. The feeling completely overwhelming both of you, you leaned your head back, gripping roughly onto his back as you both let out a strangled moan. “Fuck” you moaned “you’re so big”. Your words egging him on, he picked up his pace pumping in and out of you slow but rough. He kept his focus on your face, watching as you moaned his name and praised him. You looked like a complete wet dream, your eyes barely open, your head tilted back as you stared at him through your eyelashes refusing to break eye contact.

“Good girl.... y’ take me so fucking good” he moaned, his ringed fingers digging harshly into your hips as his grip tightened. You lifted your head and moved your hands to his neck pulling him in closer so that his face was not even an inch away from yours.

“Harder Harry, fuck me harder” you moaned, completely out of breath. He started pounding into faster, all the sounds of the hectic party just outside completely drowned out by the sound of his balls slapping harshly against you and your shared moans. You finally broke eye contact when you leaned your head to the side and began leaving messy wet kisses along his jaw before meeting his neck with your mouth. You bit down roughly onto the skin of his neck earning a throaty moan from him. You licked over the spot you’d just bitten, soothing the pain a bit before he pulled your head back, balling your hair into his fist so you would look at him.

“Dirty little princess y’ are... leavin’ marks on me” he growled into your mouth before rejioning your lips to his and continuing his relentless pace with his hips.

You could feel your orgasm approaching rapidly, the overwhelming tingling travelling all throughout your body, all your senses becoming increasingly clear. “Y’ gonna cum fo’ me love?” He asked as he felt your walls becoming even tighter around his shaft. You nodded rapidly.

“Such a good girl... s’ fuckin tight” he said in between breathless moans.

“Cum fo’ me princess, I wanna feel you” he repeated, moving his right hand from its place on your waist to rub your clit, matching the pace of his hips. You could feel it happening, your vision blurred, your toes curling, your legs shaking rapidly as you dig your nails deep into Harry’s black, holding on for dear life.

“Fuck, Harry. Fuck” you repeated over and over as you came hard around his thick cock.

“Fuck Y/N, y’ gonna make me cum” he moaned into your neck as you held onto his shoulders.

“Cum for me harry, please” you whispered in his ear between moans of your own. You could feel his body start to weaken as he twitched inside of you, about to cum. You wrapped your legs around his hips tightly and pulled him in closer as he let out a loud raspy moan. You felt thick ropes of cum shoot deep inside you.

Once he came down from his high he kept his head rested on your shoulder, your arms and legs still wrapped tightly around him, both of you desperately trying to catch your breath. After a few seconds you both released, your legs falling down beside his as he stood. You made eye contact and you giggled lightly making him smile boyishly. Both of your hair a complete and utter mess, breathing heavily, and completely naked. The plate of cocaine that once sat on the side of the table was now shattered on the floor. “Your insane” Harry said before he laughed looking around the room, really taking in everything that happened. You laughed with him as you hopped off the table and walked over to where he had thrown your jumpsuit and shoes.

“I’m going to assume you meant that as a compliment.” You said as you pulled your jumpsuit up over your nude body.

“F’ course love. You’re a fuckin minx” he complimented as he buttoned up his shirt.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Harry” you shot back with a quick wink as you finished putting you shoes on.

End note: Ahh thank you so much for reading!! I’m kind of nervous about posting this, so please let me know what you thought! I’d seriously appreciate it. And if you liked it please please reblog :) I know the ending is kind of abrupt but it’ll make sense in the next part. Also, there will be ANGST coming up !

[midnightsnyx]

Consequences - Matthew Tkachuk: part 8

summary: you absolutely hate Matthew Tkachuk so it’s just your luck when you wind up pregnant with his child.

here is it! the last part! please let me know if its too corny lol. epilogue will be posted either this week or next.

couples notes: 1. i don’t know anything about childbirth aside from what google taught me so i apologize for any wrong info! 2. i’m sorry this story was pretty short lol ya girl is doing the best i can😅 3. i wanna throw a couple quick thanks now and then the rest when i post the epilogue. 

first of all i wanna send a thank you to @hannahmb​ who let me bounce ideas off her, gave me feedback, listened to me complain about not knowing where to go with the chapters and also, helped name baby tkachuk! so thank you hannah! you rock 🖤

i wanna thank @notanotherhockeyblog95​ for also listening to me whine about not knowing what to write 😂 also, for giving me loads of encouragement and letting me throw ideas at her! you’re the best!!🖤

anyways here’s part 8! i hope you guys like it and thanks again for reading<3

word count: 2.3k

warnings: none

Part 8

41 weeks

“Matty. Wake up.” You whisper, shaking his shoulder in attempt to wake him. He doesn’t budge so you pull the blankets off him in hopes that it might work but again, he doesn’t move. It’s quite disappointing considering you’re now five days past your due date and if you were in labor, he won’t wake. Luckily, Chantal is sleeping just down the hall. After many conversations, you and Matthew agreed that it was probably a good idea to have her stay with the two of you in case you were to go in labor while Matt was playing a game. Yes, you had friends around but it comforted you much more having Chantal here because she’s went through this before.

With one last look at Matt, you roll out of bed and waddle like a duck, because that’s what you looked like according to Matt and Brady, to the kitchen. You were trying to wake Matt up because you felt like a snack but you didn’t feel like getting out of bed.

You’re digging through the freezer for some ice-cream you’re sure Brady had bought when he last visited when you feel the first cramp. It’s a little uncomfortable but you’ve been having some braxton hicks contractions on and off over the past few weeks, some feeling real enough that you went to the hospital only to be sent home which was very embarrassing even though Chantal told you it happens all the time. It wasn’t exactly the fact that you got sent home that you felt embarrassed about, but that Matthew left practice because he thought you were in labor. You just thanked your lucky stars that it wasn’t while he was in the middle of a game because it would’ve been ten times worse.

So you brush it off, cheering silently when you find the tub of chocolate ice-cream, idly wondering if it’s weird to eat it in bed at three o’clock in the morning. You decide it’s not, walking back to the bedroom and crawling in bed. You sit up against the headboard and grab the PS4 controller so you can put Netflix on since you know you won’t be falling asleep any time soon.

Matt rolls over and throws and arm over your legs and nuzzling his face in your side halfway through an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s gives your belly a weird feeling again, not pain this time but something else. Something a little unsettling because you haven’t felt this particular feeling in quite some time.

You’re pretty sure you’re in love with Matt which makes you equally frightened as it does happy. You’ve realized that your hatred for him stemmed from that one night when he did something to make you angry when your breakup with your ex was so fresh and you were emotionally vulnerable.

Just like Johnny had told Matt good things about you, he’s mentioned things about Matt to you, obviously in hopes that the two of you would hit it off. It gave you a little hope that despite what you had heard from some of the girls, he wasn’t that bad of a guy which you know is true now.

Your only problem now is that you have no idea how strong his feelings are for you. Part of you is afraid that what he does feel is only from seeing you carrying his child. You know what he told you at the baby shower, that he liked you since you met but you still can’t shake the feeling that maybe what he feels for you might just be temporary.

That one day he’s going to wake up and decide that he doesn’t want you the way he does now and it breaks your heart thinking about it.

“You’re crying.” Matt mumbles and you look down to see him now wide awake. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t realize that you were crying and you can’t wait for the day when everything doesn’t make you cry like a baby.

“I’m fine.” You say, swiping the tears away. “It’s the show.” This is a lie because you haven’t been paying attention to the show for about five minutes.

He looks at the TV and then looks back at you with an eyebrow raised. “It’s a sex scene. Something you been wanting to tell me?”

He has a tiny smirk on his face and it’s temping, it really is, but you shake your head and try to come up with some other excuse.

“My ice-cream melted.”

“Do you want more?” He frowns, sitting up and it drives you insane sometimes, how willing he is to do anything for you at any given time.

“No, I just -” you sigh, putting the tub on the night table. “I’m tired.”

You know it’s a lie and so does he but he doesn’t push like he normally would. You let him tug you down so you’re laying on your side and he’s wrapped around you, hand resting on your belly and face tucked in your neck.

“What about Jasper?” He whispers and you smile.

“I like it.” You tell him and he nods.

“We’ll put it on the list.”

. . .

It’s later that evening and you’ve been having what you’re telling yourself are braxton hicks contractions all day. You refuse to go back to the hospital already because you know you’ll just get sent home again. Besides, Matty has a game tonight and you’re determined to go because it’s the last game of the season. The Flames won’t make the playoff’s this year and you know Matt is upset about it but he said that what’s more important is that he’ll be here for when and after the baby is born.

His words made you fall in love with him a little more.

You and Chantal arrived at the arena early enough that you can go down to see Matt while she finds your seats. You text him when you’re outside the locker doors and he looks happy when he walks out to see you. You can see the hint of disappointment that tonight is the last game until next season but he smiles at you anyway.

“How’s Jasper?” He asks, resting a hand on your stomach.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that name.” You tease and he shrugs.

“Jasper Tkachuk. Has a nice ring to it.” He says, giving you a soft smile. He looks like he wants to say something else but somebody yells his name and you know he has to go.

He smiles apologetically. “I’ll come find you after the game.”

You nod, letting him kiss you before heading back to the locker room. You find your way to Chantal in the stands, trying to ignore the way the braxton hicks contractions won’t go away. There’s a small part of you that knows you shouldn’t be brushing them off but now really isn’t the time for you to go into labor.

You can’t hide the winces from Chantal though because halfway through the first period, she frowns.

“How long have you been having them?”

You wince when another one washes through you. It’s much closer to the last one.

“Since this morning?”

“Y/N.” She scolds gently but firmly.

“It’s his last game! I don’t want to miss it.”

“Honey, you’re in labor.”

When those words leave Chantal’s mouth, it feels like somebody smacked you because it’s suddenly so real.

“C’mon. Let’s get to the hospital.” She says, helping you out of your seat.

“Matt-”

“We’ll get a message to him.” she assures you. “he won’t miss it.”

. . .

As you watch the game from your hospital bed, Chantal paces around the room on her phone trying to talk to someone who can get a message to Matt.

Your water broke shortly after you and Chantal arrived at the hospital and you know how quickly things can progress so you’re terrified that he won’t make it in time. You know that it’s something that the two of you had talked about early on, in the case that he was on a road trip and wouldn’t be here but knowing that he is here but you can’t get a hold of him, is hard.

“I know it’s an unusual situation.” Chantal snaps. “Figure it out.”

When she ends the call, she sighs and presses a hand to her forehead. You know how stressed she is about the situation but when she turns to you, there’s a gentle smile on her face.

“He’ll be here.”

You admire her attempt at trying to reassure you but you know that you need to get yourself in a good mindset to be okay if he’s not here.

“Did you call Becca?” You ask, hoping for at least some good news.

“Yes, she’s on her way.”

A little bit of good news. Finally.

You start to ask if she’s called anyone else but a nurse comes in the room to check you. When she tells you it shouldn’t be much longer, your heart sinks, realizing that Matt’s probably not going to make it here in time.

“I just got word that Matthew Tkachuk will be out for the rest of the game.” you hear Elliotte Friedman say and your head snaps up. You forgot that the TV was still on and it’s now intermission. “I didn’t see him get injured during the game, Chris. Did you?”

“No, and he didn’t take any major penalties. Maybe we missed something.”

Your heart leaps when you realize that he’s probably left the game because someone got the message through to him and you’re proven right when your phone buzzes and his name appears on the screen.

“Matty.”

“Hey, baby.” he says in a rushed voice. “I’m on my way to the hospital, okay?”

“Yeah?” You sniffle, knowing you’re going to cry.

“Yeah.” He promises. “Fifteen minutes, okay?”

He stays on the phone with you until he reaches the hospital and even until he reaches your room.

He takes Chantal’s place on the chair next to your bed as soon as he walks in.

“Ready?” He asks, taking one of your hands in his and pressing his lips to it.

“Not really.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood because you’re scared out of your mind. Your entire life is about to change but when you look at Matt sitting next to you, eyes kind and warm and with the smile on his face, you know you can do just about anything with him by your side.

. . .

“I guess we need to pick a name now, huh?” Matt whispers, cradling the baby in his arms. He was natural from the moment he held him and it was like your heart exploded. If you thought you loved Matt before, you know that you love him now.

“What about Henry?” You ask, watching him walk around, bouncing the baby gently.

His mouth turns up in a tiny smile. “I love it.” Then he looks up at you and tilts his head a little as if he’s coming to a realization.

“What?”

He shrugs, looking back down at Henry before walking over and sitting on the bed next to you. He lets you take the baby out of his arms so you can nurse him.

“I just realized something.”

“And what’s that?” You ask, raising an eyebrow when he smiles.

“I love you.” He says easily and when your eyes start watering, he just laughs gently. “I love you so much it’s crazy.”

“Really?” You ask and he nods.

“Really.” He grins and you can’t help but laugh when he pulls his phone out of his pocket and waves it in the air.

“Now, shall we make this Instagram official?” He asks and you roll your eyes fondly.

“You’re such a dork.”

“But you love me.” He says and you smile, pulling him close enough so that you can kiss him.

“I really do.”

[whereisten]

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Part 1 | Part 2 Preview | Part 2

Summary: After a fun-filled graduation night, your heart is torn between your two best friends, Ten and Lucas. A fire is ignited between the three of you that isn’t as easy to calm as it was to start. And this lustful fire, just like any fire, spreads and seeks to destroy anything in its path, for there is no telling what Ten will do for you, or rather, to you.

Pairing: King!Ten x female reader (as well as Prince! Lucas)

Genre: Royalty!AU, love triangle, angst, smut, fluff

Warnings: manipulation, possessiveness, blackmail, cheating!, character death, mention of blood, mention of self-harm, alcohol use, smut!: threesome, unprotected sex, penetration (v and a), oral sex (m and f), hand job, fingering, fondling, c*eampie, biting, bdsm (paddle use, choking, rope use), orgasm denial, overstimulation, semi-public sex.

Word Count: 20.9k

Taglist: @suhweo @5shotsamericano @alreadyblondenow @khiphoptrash-0 @adorejaehyn @08skrr @ateez-babygirl @cherriesaries @suhfluffy @starlightdustsposts @agnessvaltersen @krispysun @montersloth @galadrielbeth @cafe-lectura @Jiyoungiejae @labelleetoilex3 @ceruleanskies @neo-cult-ure @goldensky @verasloggia @jaewalking @hhaechann @commentgirl @uwusofties @toffee-reads-and-writes @generalkpopwhore @kawaiimusiccollection @ainigmatikos-posts @kkuljungwoo​ @kaiwatabe​

A/N: PART TWO is HERE!! Thank you all for your support for part 1!! We appreciate it so much! We hope you enjoy part two, the finale to this adventure. We are so excited, once again, for you guys to see what happens! We had so much fun writing this and would love your feedback💕

——————

[JANUARY 1896]

It’s the night of the Chinese festival. Kids run about the town as folks put up their decorations and line up delicious and colorful foods for all that walk by. The air is light, with everyone laughing and talking as they enjoy each other’s company.

Friends meet from all over the land, as all kingdoms come together to celebrate the turn of the new year. 

You’re dressed in a beautiful red dress with gold adornments, leaving Ten’s mouth agape once he opens the door of carriage to help you out. Seeing you in your bright and dazzling outfit under the lantern lights makes his heart flutter. Your gold eye shadow brings out the depth of color in your eyes, the ones that looked around nervously.

“You look amazing, my love.” Ten states as you take his hand and fall onto his chest lightly.

He gives you a light peck on the cheek, but you move away and let go of his hand soon after, hoping that you didn’t move too quickly while in front of the other attendees.

The last thing you wanted was for everyone to be able to see or even speculate that your marriage was in trouble.

You walk slightly ahead and force a smile to the onlookers.

“Hello, hello.” You say to everyone that bows while standing poised with both hands in front.

Ten also forces an awkward smile as he is left behind.

You look over the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of the tall man that neglected to speak to you for the last few months. Oh, how you missed him and his letters. You missed his warmth, for Ten’s coldness only grew to annoy you more and more as your time together increased.

You start to frown slowly, but in an instant, you see his bright smile. He holds Rosé’s hand and reaches for a lantern from a store owner. He hands the beautifully detailed lantern to her with the brightest smile on his face and wide eyes.

You heart begins to shatter. You wished you could have that moment with him, you wished you could be the one to kiss him when the fireworks went off later that night. Rosé was so lucky, she had no idea.

Ten quickly steps forward and takes your arm into his hand from behind, guiding you to the left and distracting you.

He knew you had spotted Lucas so he took you away as fast as he could.

“This way, honey.”

You and Ten enjoy some of the food provided by local chefs. It’s the finest food you’ve ever had, as they worked diligently to provide for you two, the highest royals in the land.

But you can’t focus on the flavors, you still think of Lucas’ face. Even with the loud drums and strings that play throughout your entertaining dinner set, you can only see his smile.

“What’s wrong? Are you displeased? Waiter! This food is no good! Can’t you see how upset my wife-?” Ten waves over the servant.

“Ten! No! It’s great, amazing actually.” You put your hand over his and turned to him, your eyes big as you try to stop him.

“It’s fine, calm down..please.” You whisper to him.

Ten frowns. “Then what’s wrong? You look like you’re unhappy. It’s not good for us or for the people.”

“It’s nothing..I was just lost in thought Ten, I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, sweetheart..I love you.” He forced a smile and brought his fingers to your chin. A moment passes when you look into each other’s eyes.

His calm demeanor shifts at your hesitancy.

“Do—you love me?”

“Of course..” you turn your head away from him and look back at your food.

“Then say it.” He holds your chin again, this time placing his thumb on it to bring your attention back to him with a little more force. 

His eyes are dark, his tone is low as he speaks through gritted teeth.

“I—have to go to the ladies room.” You stand up instantly.

Ten exhales loudly. “Seulgi! Please escort our Queen to the nearest bathroom.”

Seulgi walks up to you and quickly places her hand around your arm to guide you, but you pull it away. 

“I don’t need..your assistance. I’m not a child.” You look from her and back to Ten, who knew what he was doing. He wanted her to watch you and make sure that you don’t find Lucas.

“You look a little ill, darling. She’ll go with you to make sure you don’t fall out. I know you and corsets don’t exactly get along.” Ten flashes a small smile when he sees your look of disbelief and nods towards Seulgi.

You turn to leave but Ten calls you again.

“Oh, and my love..”

You turn back to him. 

“Yes, Ten?”

“Hurry back before the fireworks.” he winks and takes a sip of his wine.

The two of you walk slowly to the bathroom as you think of a way to escape her. That’s when you see a dance going on between a group of teenagers. They hold hands and move in a tightly knit circle around a large dragon.

You take this as your opportunity to scurry away from Seulgi, ducking under the joined arms quickly and putting yourself by the large dragon in the center.

The immense dragon spins around quickly and moves up and down to the music and cheering.

“Your majesty!” You hear her call out, but you duck again and shimmy around the dancers.

When you look behind you, you see that she’s looking for you on the opposite side of the circle so you run underneath the linked arms again and away from her.

About five steps away, a store owner hands out decorated dragon masks, so you swiftly grab one and bow.

You place it onto your face by pulling the string  around your head. Luckily for you, the town is crowded with thousands of people so you’re able to slip away and into any corners without anyone really noticing you, the Queen.

You walk around, searching for Lucas while avoiding Ten, Seulgi, and the rest of the servants. It’s difficult to breathe behind your mask, but you’re not focused on that, you’re focused on finding him.

You eventually see what looks to be the back of Rosé’s head, but you don’t see her giant counterpart. So you step closer.

Suddenly, you’re snatched up by the arm and dragged into a dark alleyway.

Shit.

“Hey!” You yell as the large hand squeezes you.

You try to identify the man but he wears a mask similar to your own.

“How dare you hold me, the Queen, like this? Unhand me right now!” You have a fit as you believe that it’s one of Ten’s men that has dared to touch you.

“Shhh!!” The man pushes you into the wall and tears his mask off.

Your heart drops when you recognize the beautiful brown eyes that look into your own deeply.

You take your mask off slowly and stare at him for a moment. He bends down towards you, keeping you locked in between his strong arms with his hands placed flat against the wall.

“Lucas..where have you been? Why have you been ignoring me? Wait, how did you even know it was me?”

“Shhh..just kiss me.” He leans down and places his lips onto yours, drawing you into a kiss full of passion and longing.

His tongue traces over your bottom lip as you lean into him more.

You wrap your arms around his waist to pull him closer to you, your shoulders raising as your eyes shut.

His face leaves yours, steamy breath decorating your bottom lip as he looks into your eyes.

“Lucas..that’s not enough..you ignored me.” You lick your lips.

Lucas still stares at your lips. “What do you want me to do, y/n?”

“I want you to write letters to me..tell me..”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me..you love me” you look into his eyes as your heart races because of his close proximity.

“I could write a million letters proclaiming my love for you, y/n. But it wouldn’t matter. You still belong to him. We aren’t meant to be together, can’t you see?”

“I..I don’t care. I need you, no matter what happens, I’ll always need you.” You hold the side of his face as you whisper.

“Please..y/n. I love you, but we can’t do this anymore. One of us will get hurt.” Lucas pleads, but looks out to the side, carefully watching for anyone that walks by and peaks in. He looked worried, like he was contemplating spending any time with you.

And the truth is, he was worried especially after Hendery’s threatening visit. Hendery topped it off with a challenging duel to assert his devotion to the King, but as hard as Hendery fought, Lucas overpowered him. Nonetheless, Lucas wouldn’t tell you this as he wouldn’t want you to worry.

“It’s best that we stop this.” He exhales.

But you want him so badly. You want to feel him hold you in his arms again. You want that feeling of sunshine running through your veins as you make pure love.

“Fine. But first put my heart at ease, Lucas, don’t just ignore me. Look at me and tell me you don’t care, tell me you don’t love me and that you want this to end. Tell me that your heart does not tremble as mine does when I’m with you.”

He turns to you and looks into your eyes, his mouth falling open but no sound comes out.

He shakes his head slowly and closes his eyes while sighing. “You know I can’t do that.”

So you kiss him again. Your arms circling around his neck this time as you press your lips into his hard. Your teeth clash as the kiss becomes messier, your lips becoming red.

The two of you kissed as a feeling of frustration filled your bodies. You couldn’t be together honestly, yet you couldn’t be away from each other. Lucas tried to ignore you unsuccessfully. It tore him apart when he had to stop writing letters to you. He tried to distract himself by hunting and fulfilling his duties, and by being a good husband to Rosé and giving her happy nights. But at the end of it all, he always missed you.

Lucas stopped the kiss, pulling away to look into your eyes filled with tears.

“I missed you.” He says before giving you the softest smile.

You feel your face become hot. “I missed-“

“Has anyone seen the Queen?!” You hear a man shout.

“Put your mask back on.”

He states before putting his on.

“W-what?”

Lucas only takes your mask out of your hand and places it onto your face then tying it for you.

He takes your hand and leads you out of the alleyway. 

“Hold your head down.”

You both hurry past the crowds, working your way to wherever Lucas was taking you.

People gather to the river where they will get the best view of the firework celebration that is to happen soon.

But the two of you move in the opposite direction.

After about 10 minutes of brushing past hundreds of people and into an empty area outside of the market, you finally reach a gazebo.

It just the two of you there, everyone has gathered over a thousand feet away and towards the river where music is playing while people cheer and dance.

Lucas tears his mask off and sits down onto the bench in the gazebo. You take your mask off too as he holds your waist and brings you down onto his lap.

You resume your kiss, breathing heavily as your body moves back and forth onto his growing bulge.

He reaches under the many layers of your dress, laughing out as he struggles to find your thighs.

“I know..it’s a lot.” You laugh.

He smiles widely. “But it’s beautiful...you’re beautiful.” He looks into your eyes while pressing his fingers onto your slit.

You hiss at the contact, your hips instantly moving faster.

He fixes his pants down his legs as you lift yourself up slightly. His free cock now presses against the skin of your inner thigh. You wish you could see it or even touch it, but you had to move fast. Surely, Ten and his men would be combing through the crowds now looking for you or even Lucas.

“Fuck.” Lucas whispers through a staggered breath as you lower yourself onto him.

You kiss him hard as you grind down on him, his fingers gripping your legs hard, pressing into the soft skin.

He licks your neck and kisses it softly, careful not to leave any marks. He would tear your dress off and decorate every part of you with kisses if he had his way, but he knew it was impossible for tonight.

Just being close to you for this moment was enough. Red made you look gorgeous and the night lights and makeup you wore made you look like an angel that graced the earth.

You moved up and down faster, your mouth falling open as that familiar feeling started to return.

Lucas brought his hands onto your ass now, pushing himself deeper and deeper into you as you cried out.

“Shhh.” He tried to shush you as your moaning grew louder. No one was close by, and the commotion would’ve covered any noises the two of you made but he had to be sure.

He grunted into your ear, his teeth lightly grazing your neck as he also got closer, his pre-cum spilling into you.

He places two fingers onto your clit, rubbing it slowly. Your chest falls and you can’t hold back any longer.

“Yes..” you cry out, moving faster. Some of your hair falls out of your bun, you can’t form coherent sentences as Lucas dick commands your wet flower, pushing against your sweet spot repeatedly.

You begin to make out again, your lips covered in spit as your tongues dance.

“Lucas!” You moan loudly, but the sound of the fireworks booming through the night sky covers your noise.

Your eyes shut tightly.

He curses as he releases into your trembling body, holding you down onto his hips.

The fireworks still blow up and out into the sky while you relax.

Your heart rate normalizes and you pick yourself off of him. You sit beside him, legs weak and chest still heavy.

He fixes his pants and clears his throat.

“I love you, y/n. I love you so much. I would never abandon you.”

Lucas contemplated telling you about Ten’s demanding letter, but it wasn’t the right time.

“We must be careful, should we continue.”

You smile and kiss him once more. Nothing mattered in that moment. You just wanted to enjoy the fireworks with him, for you knew that the fireworks were meant to bring good luck to any couples that stood beside each other as they went off to bring in the new year.

Maybe you would receive a blessing. Maybe..the two of you could end up together.

After several minutes of enjoying each other’s company, you both decided to head back to your spouses, departing in opposite directions.

You made sure to wipe yourself clean in a restroom, then fix your lipstick and hair before heading out towards your carriage.

People started to disperse as the celebrations calm down after the fireworks. They made their way back to their own carriages, smiling and laughing, but you heard a commotion as you got closer to your grand carriage.

You flinched as you heard a screeching scream. You picked your dress up and walked faster, your smile fading from your face.

“What’s going on?” You asked a man in the crowd that circled around your carriage.

“Oh!...your majesty, excuse me.” The man stepped out fo your way as did several other men that stood in front. 

You heard the thunderous crack of a whip and another screech followed by a woman crying.

You looked closer and saw that someone kneeled on the ground, their back was naked and littered with red slash marks.

“Oh no..” you ran forward when you saw Ten watch as one of his men pulled his arm back to deliver yet another blow to the poor girl.

Your eyes widened when you saw who the person being attacked was.

Seulgi.

“Stop!” You threw your body over hers before the man could whip her once more.

“Halt!” Ten called to stop the man.

“And there she is..” Ten says softly, a smile creeping across his face as he watches you hold Seulgi, her blood staining your expensive dress.

You start to cry, looking into her cherry-red face wet with tears. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

“What are you apologizing for? She’s the one that’s incompetent and cannot complete a simple task for her king.” Ten raises an eyebrow. 

You become furious. He took his madness out on someone innocent and in front of many people. He humiliated and hurt her all because they could not find you.

You snap your head up to look at him through angry eyes. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

The crowd gasps and Ten’s eyes grow, but his face still displays an evil smile.

“How dare you talk to your king like that!” You hear his mother yell.

“You wretch! You should be punished!” She steps forward.

“Mother..calm down..shes our Queen after all. She’s allowed to express herself.” Ten speaks calmly.

He walks over to you and crouches down.

You hold Seulgi tight, covering her body as she sobs into her hands.

“It’s my fault, your majesty, I shouldn’t have abandoned you. I failed you, please, I must receive the lashings as punishment for my incompetence.” She says in between sniffles, her body shaking out of fear and immense pain from her burning wounds.

Your heart breaks at the sight, you’re the cause of all this. You were the one that abandoned her. “No..no, it’s not your fault, I was the one that slipped away, I was the one that lost you. I’m so sorry.” 

“Go away!” You yell out at the people that still crowd you and watch the drama unravel.

They quickly disperse into all directions and leave.

“And where exactly did you slip away to for all that time, y/n?” Ten turns to you.

“I got lost, there’s thousands of people here, Ten..but how could you do this?”

“And what about Lucas?”

You look up at him slowly, a moment resting between his question and your answer, but you are quickly interrupted by a soft voice.

“He was with me, your majesty.” Rosé walks quickly towards the three of you, Lucas following behind.

She lied to protect you, or rather, to protect Lucas.

Ten stands up straight and looks past Rosé and onto Lucas.

“That’s good to hear..it seems he understands the importance of being beside one’s spouse once the fireworks light up the sky on this special night.”

Ten smirks and turns back to you. “Get up, we have business to tend to back home.”

You obey his order as to not piss him off any more. You don’t dare spare a glance to Lucas but you can feel his eyes on you, how sorrowful they must look.

“Irene! Get her cleaned up and out of my sight!” Ten says before squeezing your arm and taking you to the carriage.

He helps you inside and sits beside you before the two of you endure a long and silent drive back home.

Once you get back home, Ten takes your arm and practically throws you inside. You quickly turn to him and close your fists tightly.

He pushes you into the wall, pressing his body into yours. “Do you take me for a fool? Huh?! After all this time, do you think I’m just some foolish schoolboy still?”

“I think you’re crazy! Wait, no, I KNOW you’re crazy!” 

He takes your jaw into his hand and brings his lips to yours, forcing a kiss onto them.

You slap him and watch as he backs away.

“You expect me to love you after that? You embarrassed an innocent woman, Ten! And on the night of the Chinese festival of all nights, how can I love you?! You keep me caged like some kind of animal! I can’t take it anymore!”

Ten rubs the spot you slapped him and grows furious, fire roaring through his veins.

“You were supposed to come back to me! We were supposed to kiss as we bring in the new year together!”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find my way back, but you have to understand, I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident.”

“I know what it is..” Ten exhales and walks around the foyer.

“I’ve been too lenient, I’ve been too giving. I am not a king, I am a weak fool that falls for the same person over and over. The person that never stops taking advantage. The person who I just can’t say no too.”

“Ten..” you shake your head.

“But I know what I’ll do..I’ll release you..I’ll let you go, like the caged bird you feel like you are. You will be free.” Ten swallows hard..he walks into the guest room and sits down. You follow him and watch as he pours himself a glass of scotch.

“You will no longer be Queen, you can leave me..”

Could Ten possibly be letting you go? Could you be with Lucas after all?

You sit down on the chair adjacent to his.

Ten gives you a moment to protest, but once you don’t, he begins to grow angry again. He thinks that you do in fact want to be free from him since you do not call him a fool for saying such outrageous things. He knew he’d never let you go, but seeing your eyes grow with hope made him irritated.

“You can be relinquished of all royal titles and live as a beggar, you’ll never see your family again, but that wouldn’t matter, right? Just as long as you have Lucas..”

Your eyes flicker up to him.

“Ten..”

“But poor Lucas and his family, they’d have to live and eventually, die in poverty..hmmm so sad.” Ten downs the liquid and slams the glass onto the table. He gives you a sarcastic smile.

“I...despise you, Ten.” You stand up and head for the door, but Ten rushes after you spinning you around before grabbing a fistful of your hair.

His lips smash into yours once more as his hand pulls your hair pin out, your hair falling loose.

You kiss him back, biting his lips on purpose but not pushing him away as you did before. 

He bites into your neck as he listens to you whine. Your hands scrape at his back, scratching him through his shirt as he groans.

He breaks the kiss off and tears away the fabric of your dress, revealing your breasts and exposing them to the cold air.

“Do you want to know what I was thinking when I watched her be punished?”

“What?” You say before he sucks your nipple as the two of you stand in the foyer, angrily embracing each other.

“How badly I want to punish you in ways you’ve never been punished before..”

Ten flips you around, pushing you into the wall so your back is against his chest.

He kisses you from behind, but quickly bites into your shoulder while grabbing your hair and pulling back roughly.

“And the way you spoke to me in front of all those people..that was the icing on the cake, sweetheart.” Ten’s gravelly voice enters your ear.

He unlaces your corset and slides down what’s left of your dress with one hand while his other hand holds both wrists tightly and over your head.

He then presses his fingers onto your clit, immediately rubbing circles into it as you cry out his name.

He bites harder into your shoulders, breaking the skin to draw blood.

“Fuck!” You moan at the mixture of pain and pleasure.

He fingers you as his cock presses against your ass, your head falls back, you close your eyes and focus on the way his fingers stretch you out so wonderfully.

Ten pinches your nipple with his other hand, but continues to suck hard onto you shoulder.

Your essence runs down your wavering legs. You can’t think or even speak straight.

“Yes..T-Ten..right..there.”

You’re so close, you clench around him but he takes his fingers out and spins you around to face him.

“Did you really think it would be that easy?”

He kneels and gives you a smirk as he looks up at your disappointed face.

Ten was never like this, he always made sure you came no matter what, but now he was denying you. 

You lock eyes as he sucks his fingers clean.

“You’re cruel.” You whimper.

He chuckles and runs a hand down your abdomen, adoring your soft skin and the way you fidget.

“Oh, you have no idea.I’ll show you crazy, my darling. Yes, tonight, I’ll drive you mad, just as mad as you’ve made me.”

He holds your legs by the crook of your knees and places them over his shoulders, his head now in between them and hot breath fanning over your soaking entrance.

He licks slowly as he watches you moan.

Your hand goes to the back of his head, and runs through his hair.

“Oh, my love. I would be a fool to let such a sweet thing go.” Ten whispers then licks in between your folds.

His kitten licks drive you crazy, you can’t help but grab onto his hair tighter.

“Please Ten..”

But he continues to go slow, watching you above him as you play with your nipple and mutter out curse words. He won’t push in further, but he allows the tip of his nose to tickle your bud.

He flattens his tongue, working his way past your folds as you shake.

You’re needy to the point of tears, but Ten doesn’t budge.

“Oh fuck.. let me cum please.” You whine again.

He finally dips his tongue in, swirling it around as he kisses your slit. You move your hips against his face, feeling the bridge of his nose press onto your bud.

“Yes..” your head falls back.

Ten applies pressure to that one spot he knows will make you go crazy, and just as you’re about to cum he pulls his face away from your pussy, kissing your thigh while your chest falls.

“You don’t deserve to cum.”

He yanks your arm and drags you upstairs to the bedroom.

“Do you..remember..the first night we fucked sweetheart?”

“How could I forget?” You breathlessly let out, your legs still weak from being close to your climax not once, but twice.

“The safe word..what was it?? Ah yes, gold.” Ten pushes you onto the bed.

“On your stomach, hands behind your back.” You turn over as he demands, your ass up and ready, but little do you know what Ten has planned for you.

Ten takes silk rope that was placed inside 

the nightstand and ties both of your wrists together.

You squeal as he tightens it so tight, you know that you won’t be able to shimmy out of it if you tried.

Ten holds the back of your neck as he leans down to whisper into your ear.

“Ass up at all times, if you falter, you’ll be like this all night.”

You nod. You’d do anything to cum at this point.

Ten then ties two silk ropes around your ankles, each rope leading to your wrists. You can no longer separate your legs from your arms. You’re open for him and restricted, unable to close your legs or move your arms. The ropes are right, you can feel the blood pressure increases, but a part of you likes it. 

The image of Ten over your bound body only makes you ache for a release even more. You want to feel him inside you, running his veiny cock against your walls.

Ten rubs his hand over your ass teasingly, just barely touching it to trace the roundness of it.

He pulls his pants down and pushes into you in one swift move, you can’t adjust in time and whine loudly at the sudden penetration.

Your body falls forward, but he grips your wrists and brings you back to him, grunting as he reaches your depths and runs his length along your soothing walls.

“Ahh!! Ten!”  You scream as he pushes into you again, ramming his dick into.

“Don’t be so surprised, sweetheart, I told you I would punish you. But you’re so fucking wet, I’m beginning to think you’re enjoying this.”

Ten pulls out slowly, groaning at the way you clench and twitch around his length.

Your feet and hands go numb, the tight rope digging into your skin to leave a mark.

“You look so pretty like this, all tied up for me. If i could have you like this all the time, I’d be overjoyed.”

Ten growls then slams into you once again, this time, letting your body fall onto the bed while you moan.

He pulls you by your hair and whispers into your ear, pinching your nipples so your eyes fly open.

“I hope it’s not too much for you.” He states in a mocking tone. 

He pushes your head forward into the bed again, drilling into your body as his skilled hips fail to miss a beat.

The sounds of skin against skin and your moans fill the air, making you feel weak. The tingly feeling in your stomach just begging to be eased.

“Ten..please..I’m almost-“ you say through staggered breaths.

“I’m gonna..”

“Do you want to end up like Seulgi? Don’t you dare cum without my approval.” He growls and moves even faster.

It’s hard to hold back, but you’re not exactly sure what Ten is capable of anymore. You follow his orders as tears run down your cheeks. You bite your lips and try not to cum as he coats your walls with his own essence and holds you fast against him.

He pants and lays his body on top of yours.

He pulls out, but replaces his dick with his fingers, pushing the cum that has leaked out back into you.

He looks at the side of your face as he fingers you, looking into your eyes before giving your cheeks a light peck. His hair has fallen into his face, his exposed shoulders shining in the dimly lit room with sweat. He’s incredibly gorgeous, even when he’s angry.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. A king never disappoints his obedient queen at the end of it all.”

Obedient being the key word.

“Ten..baby, please.” 

“Shhh...it’s too late to beg, stay here.”

Ten leaves the room, your body still on the bed, aching in your strenuous position.

He comes back in not too long after, however, retaking his position behind you.

“Ahhhh..my beautiful queen, how will I let the world...” he takes a breath before continuing, traces of sarcasm echoing in his tone. “And any other man..know that you are mine?”

You breathe heavily. 

Then feel a sharp slap to your butt. A wooden paddle sends you into the bed, your voice letting out a crackling cry at the unexpected hit.

“No..no..keep your body up, sweetheart.” He puts his arm under you and brings your body back to its original position.

He then smacks you again, but with less force.

“See? Here I go, going easy on you again.”

Another smack, you shut your eyes tightly and feel your slick run down your legs.

“Look at you..getting turned on by this.” He swings the paddle onto you again, but with as much force as he did the first time.

He grabs you by your hair before you can crash into the bed.

“Oh my god, Ten!” You cry out.

He slaps you again.

“There we go..now we are getting the reaction that we need..your skin is magnificent, especially in this bruised tone.”

You sob, but you won’t give him the satisfaction of saying the safe word.

He delivers another blow as you yelp.

He becomes hard again at the sight of your entrance dripping and ass irritated.

He moves behind you and places the paddle down. His fingernails dig into your hips as he drags your ass towards him, this time he pushes into your asshole slowly.

“Ten!”

He grunts then pushes into you all the way. “So tight. Just like the first night.”

He moves in and out at a steady pace, your breath leaving you with each thrust. You whimper and struggle against your restraints, but he feels amazing, you don’t want him to stop.

He leans forwards and pushes two fingers into your mouth, his hips increasing in speed.

“Ahhh..fuck.” Strings of cum enter you once again.

That night, Ten teased you endlessly, playing with your body like it was a toy for a spoiled child on Christmas. Keeping it in weird positions as he fucked into you over and over. Choking you while denying you of release, your makeup was smudged and messy as you cried from over-sensitivity. He took his frustrations out on you all night and you wondered how he was still so energetic.

And when he finally let you experience your long awaited orgasm, your hands loose and scratching at his back, your ankles over his shoulders as he pushes into you from above and kisses your lips like he needs them to survive. You came hard, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Shortly after, you fell asleep as he cleaned you up.

The next day, you couldn’t walk. Your bum, wrists and ankles were littered with painful bruises. Your neck and chest also had too many love bites for you to count. It was safe to say you’d be in the house for a while. No one could see you like this.

Your eyes squint as the sunlight burns through the thin curtains.

Ten walks into the room. “Good morning.”

He gives a small smile then scoops you off of the bed.

“W-where-?” You rub your eyes.

“Is a man not allowed to take his wife to the bath?” Ten looks onto you with furrowed brows.

He places you down into the bath filled with water and rose petals. Usually, your maids helped you bathe while Ten was out of the room, but here Ten was being the caring husband he should be.

“That was the hardest I’ve ever gone, darling. You are clearly fit to be my wife after all.” He says as he washes you down. He sits on the side of the tub and massages your body with warm water, and expensive soap he created far away in the mountains just for you.

You moan and bite your lips. His touch is soothing, his hands move over your breasts and your abdomen slowly, and soon, the apex of your legs.

“Ten-“ you draw in a sharp breath.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Join me..please.”

And so he joins you in the oversized, luxurious tub, making love to you once more as water splashes onto the floor, your legs around his waist, your hands running along his soft back. Ten moans as he feels your fingers delicately trace over the scratch marks you gave him last night.

“I’m so happy you’re mine.” He whispers as you drift into sleep again.

————

[MARCH 1896]

Ten holds your hand tightly as the two of you walk into a tea shop.

The store owner immediately bows to both of you. “Your majesty, welcome! Allow me to provide you with the finest tea in the land. I would’ve been more prepared had I known of your visit, I do apologize.”

“No need to apologize, thank you for welcoming us.” You cut in before Ten can make a snarky comment like he always did to people below him.

The two of you sat down to enjoy delicious tea from all over the world. Some spicy, some incredibly sweet, and some so refreshing, it felt like you were drinking liquid happiness.

“Which ones do you prefer, my love?” Ten turns to you as you wipe your mouth with a napkin.

“I like..the Wuyi Narcissus..” you breathlessly let out, suddenly becoming weak and dizzy. Your heart beats rapidly, almost like it’s threatening to burst through the cage it’s in.

Blood rushes to your head as you lean over, your vision blurring and hands releasing the tea cup you held.

A crash sounds as the fine china splatters all over the floor, a commotion follows.

“Y/n? Y/n! What have you done to her?!” Ten holds your body and shakes you lightly, but you’ve already passed out completely.

Later that day, you wake to find yourself laying on your shared bed. Your eyes flutter open to see a man with glasses and a small smile over you.

“I don’t care if no one has ever been sickened by his tea before, I want that man dead by sunset!” Ten yells outside of the room.

“What-what happened?” You ask the man that seems to have just taken your temperature.

“Sweetheart! You’re okay..” Ten rushes over beside you.

“I promise that man will not see another morning for hurting you like this.”

“Ten..what are you talking about?” You still feel very weak, your hands and feet are numb.

“Bring him in!” Ten yells outside of the room.

Two guards drag the tea shop owner inside your bed room and make him kneel at the foot of your bed by kicking the crook of his knees.

“Ahh! Your majesty, I did not poison you! I swear by it! I would never-“ the old man cries, his eyes are bruised, swollen and blood runs from the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up!” Ten slaps the man hard with the back of his hand, making him fall forward and cry louder.

“Ten!” You cry out and reach for him.

“Please..please don’t.” Youre voice is barely above a whisper as you still struggle to breathe normally.

“this bastard poisoned you!”

Ten walked back towards you.

“Actually, that may not be the case.. your majesty, now that you are awake, may I ask you a question?” The man with the glasses beside your bed cuts in.

“My name is Kun Qian, I am the royal family’s physician.”

“Hello, Doctor. Yes, you may ask me anything.”

“When was the last time you experienced menstruation?”

Your eyes widened at the doctor asking such a private question, but then you really thought about it. You hadn’t seen your period for some time.

“It-it’s been quite a while, doctor.” You look up at him and nod your head.

“As I suspected, based on your temperature and low blood pressure, it seems as though you are pregnant.” He gives you a smile and looks back at Ten. 

“A heir is on the way!”

Your mouth falls open as anguish covers your entire body. You weren’t ready to be a mother, you didn’t think you could even carry a baby. Hell, it was only the first few days or so and you had already fainted.

Your brows are knitted as you stare at the doctor, then look back at Ten.

He smiles from ear to ear, then leans down to pull you into a big hug.

“My love! We are going to have a baby!” He exclaims then pulls away to see your reaction. You still look dumbfounded, clearly not as excited as he is. 

Ten frowns slightly, then turns back to the men in the room.

“Leave us!” He yells and they quickly scurry out of the room.

He turns back to you. “Well, don’t look so thrilled, sweetheart.” A sarcastic smirk falling over his face now that the room is empty.

“I..I am excited..I’m just nervous.”

“Please don’t worry, my love..” he rubs a hand slowly on top of the blanket covering your belly.

“I will ensure that you receive the best care throughout this pregnancy and after. As well as our dear child. They will be the most spoiled baby on Earth. Do you trust me?”

The answer was no. Ten was aggressive sometimes and words were just words. You weren’t sure what he was capable of.

“Darling?”

“Y-yes..I do.” You nod, and give him a reassuring smile to ease his concern.

“I would like to rest now, Ten.”

Ten nods before kissing your hand and leaving the room. He felt like he was on cloud 9, he ran through the house like a child that was just gifted a dog to chase and play with.

You rested your head onto your pillow and stared at the ceiling, thinking all sorts of things.

The night of the Chinese Festival..it had to have been then.

But which man was the father of the baby growing in you?

Ten believed it was his, but you weren’t sure, for little did he know, you too had been unfaithful.

————

[MAY 1896]

You sit and have tea with Ten’s mother.

“How do you feel?” She asks, faking concern.

“Well..I’ve had better days.”

She sighs and takes a sip from her cup.

“I don’t understand what my son sees in you. You can barely handle a pregnancy, how can you handle a nation of needy people?”

“You’ve said that before. How do you expect me to react?”

“I don’t expect anything from a weak girl like you, I know I’d only be setting myself up for disappointment. You came into his life out of nowhere. Your family barely has a respectable lineage. He could’ve gone with someone like that gorgeous Yoona from the Im Estate. But instead...he’s fascinated with you. And why? I’ll never understand.” She shakes her head.

You place your tea cup down loudly and exhale. “Why do you hate me so much, mother?” You say with venom in your tone. You’ve just about had enough with her for she always treats you like you’re less than Ten. She practically threw her hatred in your face since the day you met her.

“Oh, is it that obvious?” She chuckles then takes another sip.

“Well, quite frankly, y/n..I knew you were a lustful wretch from the minute I met you by the look in your eyes..even at your young age, I knew you wanted to corrupt my son, my baby. I knew you were gonna enslave him with your body, taint him and make him forget all that he’d learned.” She spits out while leaning forward.

You stare blankly and look at the table, trying to calm your nerves.

“You’re a whore, y/n, and I just know you fucked that fool, Lucas. That mistake of a man that was birthed by a disgusting prostitute. She threw herself onto my husband in order to take his money. And you’ve done the same to my naive Ten because you are just like her..a whore.”

You chuckle and leaned forward as you remembered catching her son all those times, in the stables, in the library.

“The only whore in this house is your son! He’s just like his father, your cheating bastard of a husband. All he does is stick his penis into anything with a heartbeat! And yet the King ended up with you! A hateful and downright evil bitch! Bless him for being relieved of your presence finally in death!” You lash out.

The queen backhand smacks you so hard, you placed your hands flat onto the table to hold yourself up straight.

The queen gasps and shoots up from her chair. She huffs. “If you ever dare open your foul mouth and speak to me like that again, I’ll see to it that your tongue is removed and fed to the wolves! I can’t kill you, for your death would ruin my son, but I will hurt you, child. Do not..mess with me.”

Seulgi runs over and helps you up from the table after the queen leaves.

Your back aches in pain as you stand up from the dining room table. You press your hand into the small of it and wince. 

Your belly was so huge, you couldn’t even walk 10 steps without the need to stop and take a breath.

“I believe you should rest in your room, your majesty.” A maid helps you up the stairs and towards your bedroom. She was the one to always hold your hand and help you through any cramps you felt. You rarely saw Ten. He was always away for some trip or completing tasks in town, writing orders, or even hunting with other men.

You found it quite odd that he promised to give you the best treatment, but neglected to even check in with you on some days.

“Where..is my husband, Seulgi?” You move up the steps slowly.

“I-I am not sure, Miss, I believe he is out of town at the moment.”

You sigh. “Of course he is.”

“A letter came for you today, your majesty, I have placed it onto the desk in your study.” Seulgi changes the subject quickly, for she knows of Ten’s true whereabouts. She knows that he is actually in the very same castle that you’re in, only, he rests in a room far away on the other end of the large mansion, laying in bed with his favorite servant, Jade.

She knew that your pregnancy would be in danger if you ever discovered this.

“I would like to go there now, I will rest later.” You tell her. You put Seulgi in charge of collecting letters and hiding the ones that were  closed shut with a distinct label. She didn’t know who the letters were from, but even if she had her own assumptions, you knew you could trust her of all the maids to stay quiet.

“Yes, your majesty.” 

Once in the study alone, you open the letter from your beloved Lucas.

Your mouth widens into a smile as you read it and rub your irritated cheek.

Dear y/n,

I am delighted to know that you are doing well. Please continue to rest, eat, and sleep well. I wish I could be there to hold you and feel the subtle kicks of our child. I can imagine how cute it will be already, with your beautiful eyes and my dimples. The baby is so loved , it does not even know. We will provide it with everything that it needs and more. It will have the most caring parents known to man. Once the delivery is successful, I will pick you up and we will run away from this place together, raising our child in the sunniest place for the rest our lives. We will finally be together, my love. All three of us. I promise to see you soon.

                                       Yours Always,

                                                    Lucas

A tears drops onto the paper. Your heart swells with joy when you think of finally living your life with your true love, Lucas. Carrying a baby was painful, but knowing that he loved you and planned to take care of you made it easier.

You wouldn’t have to deal with your careless, self-centered husband, you could finally be happy.

You clutched the letter to your chest and brought it with you to your room, holding it tightly as you fell asleep with a smile on your face.

————

[One Day Later]

“Your majesty...” Jade rushes into Ten’s study.

“What are you doing?! You know we can’t meet here!” Ten quickly stands up and walks close to Jade. 

With shakey hands she lifts up a piece of paper to him.

“I am so sorry, your majesty, but I was cleaning the Queen’s quarters when I came across this letter. It was under one of the pillows on the bed!”

“Shhh..quiet down, you’ll wake her.”

Ten grabs the paper from her and looks into her eyes sternly. “And what gives you the right to read through our Queen’s personal documents, Jade?”

“I-I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but recognize the name at the bottom.”

Ten raises an eyebrow, but then proceeds to read through the note. 

His face grows angry, his grip on the paper tightens as his knuckles become white as snow.

‘Our son.’

The audacity of this man. Ten thinks to himself. 

“How dare he..” Ten scoffs, he begins to lose it slowly, he can’t even form coherent sentences or words to express how upset he is. So many thoughts run through his head. Had you and Lucas really fornicated that night when you disappeared at the festival? 

Lucas wouldn’t be a fool to call the baby his child if this wasn’t the truth, for this was the only time that you had slipped out of Ten’s sight.

How dare he. Ten thought Lucas would’ve stopped it all. He thought he would’ve been a decent friend and left you alone like he asked, but he disobeyed his order and still continued to keep in touch with you.

How dare you. Oh you...you lied to him. His sweetheart, the one he loved so dearly with all his heart. He gave you everything, the world, and anything else that you could possibly ask for. You took advantage of his kindness, you took him for a fool once again.

And the worst part is, he still loved you. You could stab him in the chest with a sword while daunting an ice cold expression, and he’d still adore you.

And the fact that the two of you planned to run away together made everything worse. The child that he was so excited to welcome and raise into the world with you, would be snatched away from him by his own best friend.

He doubted that even being murdered by you was worse than what he felt right now.

“What will you do?” Jade whispers.

Ten sighs, his eyes narrowing. He knew better than to lash out like some sort of maniac. So he decided to stay cool and calm, he was notorious for that. No matter how difficult a situation be for him, he always remained calm. He was feared by all for this very reason, his silence and unreadable smile made him nothing short scary.

“It seems..Lucas and I will need to have a talk.”

He hands her the paper. “Put this back where you found it, then wait for me in the room at the end of the hall.”

Jade nods quickly and takes the paper from him before turning around.

“And Jade...I have no patience today, if you’re not naked and on your knees in five minutes..I will have no choice but to punish you..again.”

“I understand, your majesty.”

————

[JUNE 1896]

Ten gives your cheek a light kiss as he leaves your side.

“I’ll be gone for a few days, sweetheart, try not to miss me too much.”

“You’re always gone, Ten. I stopped missing you a long time ago. Now, I’m just used to it.”

“Ahhh, darling, don’t be so harsh. You know how it is for the King.” Ten straightens his arms out as his servant cleans his uniform of lint.

“I have to be here, I have to be there..the kingdom needs me.”

“And what about me? I’m carrying your baby, some care would be nice, what if I need you?” You were irritated at Ten today and couldn’t control your emotions as the contractions kept you up all night.

“My baby?” Ten quickly caught himself. “Don’t you mean our baby?”

You roll your eyes and lay back down in the bed as Ten smirks.

“I’ll have Seulgi bring you some tea for the pain.” He says as he exits the bedroom.

————

[JULY 1896]

“You have another letter, your majesty.”

You quickly take the letter from Seulgi and wave her off. “Thank you, you are dismissed.”

It was the first letter that you received from him in about two weeks, so you were more than excited to read it.

Dear y/n,

I apologize for taking so long to follow up with you. I have successfully escaped the Park Estate. Do not be worried, my love, for I only ran away to get settled before the baby arrives. I have taken several trains to get to where I am right now. It is beautiful, perfect even. I cannot think of a more suiting place for our family to thrive. I look forward to taking you here and being with you all the time. I am far enough so that no one will recognize me. Please promise me one thing, if Princess Rosé sends for me, do not tell her or anyone else in the kingdom where I am or about the letters that I send you. You are the only one that knows of my location. My mother and brother do not know and likely will not be asked for me, but when you get here safely, I will, of course, inform them as well. I am beaming with excitement. I cannot wait to see you again.

                                      Yours eternally,

                                                      Lucas 

———————

[AUGUST 1896]

You’re resting in your chambers, a heat flash making you too dizzy to even comprehend what time it is. You wish you could see your mother and father, but Ten’s mother has kept them from entering the premises, claiming that they would only add stress for you.

Ten sent your parents away to a different district where they would be in charge of finances. You thought it was unnecessary for them to be hours away from you, but Ten deemed them the right and only fit for the job.

A servant enters the room and calls out to you.

“Your majesty..”

“Yes..” you say groggily, squinting as the sun flight hurts your eyes.

You rub your belly and wince. “What is it?”

“Princess Rosé has come to see you, she says it is urgent.” Seulgi states with a look of worry.

“Let her in, please.” you sit up straight, preparing yourself for what is about to ensue.

Rosé comes rushing into your room.

“Your majesty! I cannot find Lucas!”

You furrow your brows. “What?”

Rosé sobs. “No one has seen him in two months...I thought he was visiting another city, but it turns out he never showed up. Your majesty, what if something’s happened to him? I am so worried..I.”

“Shhh...please, sit on the bed. We will find him, I’m sure he’ll be back from whatever trip he has taken soon enough.”

It hurt you to lie to Rosé like this, but it’s what Lucas asked of you.

He made you promise not to tell anyone the truth.

“It’s just..he’s never done this before, he’s never left and not even written a letter to me..oh, your majesty, I miss him so much.” Rosé cries hard into her hands.

You lean forward and rub her back. “He’s okay, Rosé, perhaps he needed some time away.”

She looks up at you. “You’re right, I think I left him too often. What if he doubts my love for him? He’s been so sweet to me, what if I’ve broken his big heart?”

Your eyes tear up as you think of the man you and Rosé both knew. Lucas loved everyone so deeply, he was a tall glass of love ever flowing, brightening anything and anyone he came into contact with.

It was a pity that someone as nice as Rosé would have to be hurt by both your actions.

Ten struts into the room. “What’s the matter?”

“I can’t find Lucas, I think something has happened to him, it’s been two months!” Rosé cries harder.

“Oh no..oh dear.” Ten steps closer before locking eyes with you, as if to ask if you knew anything about Lucas’ whereabouts.

You shrug your shoulders and shake your head as you pat Rosé’s back.

“Lucas, my dear friend. I’m sure he is hiking somewhere, going on some grand adventure like usually does. But do not worry, I will send out any and all of my men in search of him. We will speak to the countrymen and ask if they’ve seen him so we can trace his steps. We will search far and wide, even outside of the kingdom, Rosé. We will find him.”

“Oh, your majesty, I am forever in your debt.” Rosé stands up and bows to Ten.

But Ten watches your eyes, anxious to see how you react to his words. You wipe your eye of a tear and mouth “thank you.”

—————

[SEPTEMBER 1896]

“Doctor Qian...I might just rip this baby out myself..he dances like his father, and my belly is blessed to be the dance floor.” You wince as another contraction sets in.

The doctor lifts the stethoscope and his head from your stomach.

“Well, your majesty, I’m afraid you don’t have just one dancer in there.”

Your eyes grow large.“W-what?”

“There are, in fact, two heartbeats coming from your belly.” 

“Doctor..what are you saying?”

“It looks like you’re in a considerable amount of pain because you’re pregnant with twins.”

He gives you a big smile.

You gasp. “Oh..my God.”

Ten walks into the room, fixing his pants as he steps in.

You scan him up and down while he smooths his hair back and breathes heavily.

He never made it to your appointments on time..even if he was already in the very castle that they occurred in.

“I’m sorry I’m late, any news doctor?” He says as he walks to your side of the bed.

“Yes, I was just informing your wife of her pregnancy with twins, your majesty.”

“Twins?!” Ten gasps, he immediately smiles from ear to ear, new found hope flooding his head. Could you possibly be pregnant with his child also?

“Yes, that is why she is in so much pain.”

“Sweetheart, that’s amazing.” Ten bends down to give you a kiss, but you turn your head.

“Doctor, when is the delivery date?”

Ten’s smile falls and he stands ups straight before rolling his shoulders.

“Late October or Early November, your highness.” The doctor snaps his briefcase shut, turning to bid you and Ten a farewell.

When the room is empty, you turn to Ten.

“Where were you, Ten?”

“Doesn’t matter, darling. I’m here now.” Ten shimmies off his jacket and sits on the edge of the bed.

“It does matter, because while the doctor is informing me of my health and the health of our CHILD, you’re off doing God knows what!”

You grip the sheets to hold in your anger.

“I can smell that bitch on you!” Your voice raises.

Ten moved over to you quickly, grabbing you by the throat and squeezing it slightly. His eyes full of pure anger.

“You’ve got some nerve, woman! I’ve given you everything you ask for, yet you lay here on the most expensive bed in this continent and all I hear from you are complaints! Be grateful for once and I may just want to spend time with you!”

He releases his grip and stands up before smoothing his pants.

You stare at him in shock. You contemplate tearing him apart with words, but you calm yourself. You needed to rest and keep your heartbeat stable to ensure the safe delivery of your babies, the ones you would soon raise with Lucas.

Ten walks to the door.

“You should rest and make sure my children are healthy..”

He looks at you over his shoulder. “Because if they aren’t...I’ll have your head put on a stake.”

—

Later that week, you receive another letter from Lucas. He tells you once again that he is safe and doing well, and is longing to see you.

You reply with a letter.

My dearest Lucas,

The doctor has informed me that I am pregnant with twins! Oh, how excited I am for you to meet them. They will have your laugh, your smile, your warmth. I love you, I wish you were here to take care of me. Ten has been absent on most days, leaving me to endure this pregnancy alone, even on the most painful nights. I know that if you were here, you’d be beside me through it all. Nonetheless, I pray that you are prepared for the twins. I will do my best to ensure their safe arrival. I look forward to reuniting with you soon and running away from this dreadful place, you will relieve me of my ties to this insane man and bring me to a paradise filled with true unconditional love, and we will live happily forever. My love, I need you..more than ever. Please be safe.

                                        Yours Truly,

                                                  Y/n

After sending your letter off to a post office Lucas had given you the address of in another letter, you decide to walk about the castle for a while. The doctor advised you to take walks every now and then, but to not pressure yourself.

You head to the planetarium that Ten had built in just for you about a year ago. Back when Ten was caring and genuinely sweet, he did things for you just to see you smile. He knew you loved to look into the sky when you rested under the cherry blossom tree together, so he’d decided to get you a room where you could gaze together and hold hands just like you did in the old days.

You sit there and gaze at the stars, silently praying for a safe delivery that both you and your children would survive.

When you’ve spent an hour or so in the room, you finally get up and walk back to your room. You stop just after you pass by one of the rooms in the hallway. A loud groan escapes the door.

You lean in close and hear the whimpers of a woman as well. Your brows furrow. Surely, your servants wouldn’t be fooling around in your house.

You slowly turn the handle of the door and peak into the room.

Your heart drops at the sight and sound.

Ten makes love to Jade on the bed, thrusting his dick into her as her head falls over the edge of the bed and her legs spread further

apart. He sucks her neck and moans while a male servant enters him from behind, holding him by the waist as he pushes deep into your husband’s ass.

The man doesn’t see you as he throws his head back and looks to be on the brink of his climax.

A hand flies over your mouth, falling open.

You don’t make a sound, but Ten feels a gust of wind when the door opens up a little more.

He looks up at you, locking his dark, lustful eyes with your teary ones as you stand there in shock. Their bodies are naked, sweaty. Their moans and groans flood your ears.

But unlike the first time you caught him, he doesn’t stop. He pushes into her harder, still keeping eye contact with you.

He grabs her neck and begins to choke her, however, you just can’t seem to stop watching it all happen.

Her face begins to turn red, her eyes fly open and when she gets the upside down image of you in the doorway, she only chuckles.

Her voice gets louder as she cums. 

“Oh! Oh, yes! Your majesty! Yes!” Her body shaking on the bed. Ten cums soon after, choking her harder as he watches you and grunts. The man behind him slams into Ten one more time before releasing into him and gripping onto his waist with his fingernails.

The audacity of them all. You clenched your fists, then slammed the door shut.

You wiped your tears with one hand and held your belly with the other. You tried not to cry too hard, for you didn’t want to stress yourself out, but Ten really ruined you. He didn’t care for you or love you, he only lusted after you. He only wanted to possess you.

That night, you kept yourself from crying by re-reading Lucas’ letters and dreaming of your wonderful life with him.

Ten had the nerve to bring breakfast to you the next morning.

You took the tray and threw it on the ground.

“Do you really think I’d eat something from you? You’re a revolting liar!”

“Oh? Revolting? Nice. Haven’t heard that one from you yet.” Ten sits on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah..well you really brought out my creativity after what you did yesterday.”

“What’s wrong? Are you jealous? You looked like you liked it..did it remind you of the first night?”

Ten taps the blanket with his fingers, slowly pushing them into the apex of your legs. “the night when Lucas and I played with your body? Ah, yes, we took turns entering and filling it up with our seed? It’s a shame he’s not here for us to do it again..”

His voice is laced with lust as he gazes at your swollen breasts.

“Don’t TOUCH me!” You move your leg and brush him off.

“So what? You’ll never let me touch you again? You’re my wife, darling..I have to touch you..kiss you..fuck you.” Ten gives a sadistic smile that you wish you could erase from your memory forever.

“You will NEVER put your dick in me again.”

“Then what good are you as my queen? We have to create a family..even after this pregnancy, there should be more, no? That’s what the people want, my love.”

“And if I leave you?” You say through gritted teeth.

Ten chuckles loudly. “Leave me? The king? I guess our children will be motherless, how sad. ‘Til death do us part,’ sweetheart, did you forget?”

“Why do you keep me around? You have people that give you what you need, because clearly, I am not enough..why do you hurt me?” Tears start to fill your eyes, making his apparition blurry.

“They’ll never be you..I love you..I need you, you’re mine and I’ll die before I let you go.” Ten runs his finger down your neck as he whispers.

“It feels amazing..having you here..to myself.”

“You’re pretty when you cry.” He wipes a tear.

“I hate you, Ten.”

Ten takes your hand and kisses it, laying it on the side of his face as he pouts.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

————

[NOVEMBER 1896]

You hold Ten’s hand tightly, letting out another blood-curdling scream. Your hips feel like they will shatter at any moment as you deliver your children.

But after several hours of grueling contractions and labor, you deliver two beautiful girls. Ten let you choose the names so you chose Yīngtáo for Cherry and Kāihuā for Blossom as Lucas had suggested in a letter to you once.

Ten rocks one twin in his arms as he tears up. You rock the other in your arms and smile at her.

“Oh, y/n..they’re beautiful.” Ten sobs.

You smile. “I know..”

Your nurses take the babies away and into their care room, where they are bathed and fed. The doctor also checks their vitals to ensure that they are healthy.

It’s just you and Ten in the room after it’s been cleaned up.

Ten lays down beside you, pulling you into his arms. You’re too tired to push yourself away from him, so you welcome his embrace by relaxing your body.

Your head rests on his chest, rising up and down slowly and steadily. 

“You did well, my love.” Ten says softly.

“Yeah..I guess I did, even after all the shit you put me through.”

Ten chuckles lightly then sighs. “That night of the Chinese festival..it was so long ago..and look at what has happened. We have been blessed with not one, but two healthy babies. How can we tell which is which?”

“Well, I’m sure it will be easier to differentiate between the two as they get older..”

“No, my love. How can we tell which child is mine..and which child is his?” Ten says slowly.

Your eyes open as you sit up straight and look at Ten.

“His? What are you talking about?”

Ten runs his fingers down your back and the look on his face makes your skin crawl, his eyes low as he daunts a proud smirk.

“I know about everything, my love. I know what you did last summer. I know that you had sex with Lucas several times...even on that same night that I lost you.”

Your mouth falls open, but Ten doesn’t give you a chance to speak, his hand still running up and down your back.

“And..I want you to know...I forgive you...whether or not they’re mine..I forgive you.” He kisses your cheek.

“I will raise them as my own, for you have just made me the happiest man on Earth.” He whispers into your ear.

“Ten..” your eyes still wide after the shock. Ten knew that you and Lucas were engaging in and affair, and he didn’t tell you until now. How was it that he was so calm? Why did he keep you alive after learning of your whereabouts that night? 

“Everything is all right now. I love you, my darling. I love our children.” Ten nuzzles himself onto your neck and pulls you closer to him as he drifts off into sleep quietly.

Your eyes fill with tears, but you quickly wipe them away and remind yourself of the last letter Lucas sent you. 

He said to meet him at the cherry tree next week at a specific time. That is when he will come to your rescue and take you and your kids away. You smile and close your eyes, dreaming once again of your love.

————

[One Week Later]

It is after midnight when you creep out of your chambers. Ten had once again disappeared but you didn’t care where he was. In fact, you are beyond thankful for his neglect tonight of all nights. This evening you and your babies would run away with Lucas.

The palace was basically dead. The servants were working downstairs on the first floor. Normally, you and Ten had the top floor to yourselves for the evening. If you ever needed to call for a servant, there was a bell that could be rung that could be heard across the residence. 

It was the last thing you needed. You didn’t pack much into your small bag. You removed your sleepwear and put on a pair of pants and a loose-fitting shirt. You put a cloak over yourself and bundled your sleeping girls up in your arms. You prayed they stayed peacefully asleep. You ran away quickly, knowing it would be stupid to leave Ten a letter.

You run towards a servant’s exit to the gardens that were right outside of your bedroom. You knew that no one would cross paths with you up until this point. You let out a sigh of relief and looked down at the babies. They still slept peacefully. You smile down at them and exit through the gardens. 

You enter past the schoolyard you once frequented, amazed and saddened at the sour turn your friendship with Ten and Lucas had taken. You spot the cherry blossom tree in the distance and see a man leaning against the back of it, a baby stroller right beside him. Lucas was already waiting for you and your heart swelled with happiness. 

You say, “Lucas…”

As you get closer and closer, Lucas slowly turns over and you see…

Wait.

“Darling,” Ten starts with a wide smile on his face, “Fancy seeing you here of all places in the middle of the night. Quite careless of you to expose the girls to the elements so soon.”

You back away. What is he doing here? How did he know you were-

Ten clicks his tongue. “Were you expecting someone else?”

You are stunned to silence. You couldn’t think straight. Where was Lucas, you thought. Perhaps he was late. What if he was still on his way to the rendezvous point? And now that Ten was here, you wouldn’t be able to get away with Lucas. You hope Lucas is stealthy and he avoids detection. You could arrange another meeting time. Find another way to escape.  

You try to make up an excuse. “I-”

Ten raises his arms. “Your arms must ache from carrying both of the girls. Allow me,” he says as he takes Yīngtáo. 

He cradles her and continues, “What brings you here, y/n? You have one chance to answer honestly.” 

His nurturing smile at his daughter fades as he looks at you. “Don’t test me.”

You sigh as you cradle Kāihuā. “I’m leaving, Ten.”

Ten laughs. “You are? Are you walking on foot with my daughters to the next town?”

You sigh. “Enough, Ten. I’m leaving. With Lucas. You have kept him and I apart for too long. This,” you say, “Is not a true marriage. If you loved me at all, you would let me go.” 

He caresses your cheek. As quickly as you flinch, he removes his hand from you. “Oh, sweet, foolish y/n. How do you explain my presence in the cherry blossom tree? Exactly at midnight.”

“You must’ve followed me…” You start.

He smiles. “‘You will relieve me of my ties to this insane man and bring me to a paradise filled with true unconditional love, and we will live happily forever’.”

Your heart sinks as he reads the words you wrote to Lucas. Ten found one of your letters. Did that mean he got it before Lucas could receive it? But how, you wonder. 

He pouts. “Insane? Me? Is that how you really think of me?” 

You are tempted to snap at him but don’t want to alarm your babies. You take a deep breath and reply, “What would you call an unfaithful spouse who won’t let you go?”

He laughs. “You’re one to talk about infidelity.” He then coos as he looks at your daughter, “You are just as flawed as I am. That is why we are a perfect match, y/n.” 

You scoff. “We are not meant to be, Ten. I’m leaving with Lucas. No matter what you say. Have us banished from the kingdom. Tell everyone you banished me. I’m sure your mother will be thrilled.” 

Ten shakes his head. “Oh, no, no. That just won’t do. Where will you go?” He fakes concern in his voice. 

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you say. 

Ten continues to mock. “Well, it will be hard for you to go alone. Especially since Lucas won’t be joining you.”

Your stomach churns. “What are you talking about?”

He beams. “He will remain in the kingdom. In the most permanent sense, sweetheart.”

You frown in confusion and fear. “Ten, what-”

He continues, reveling in what he will share with you. 

He recites, “‘Once the delivery is successful, I will pick you up and we will run away from this place together, raising our child in the sunniest place for the rest of our lives. We will finally be together, my love’.”

Ten also got a hold of Lucas’ letters to you. How long had he kept this hidden, you wondered. And your eyes widened at another realization. 

Ten says, “Ah, y/n...y/n...You underestimate me. I must admit that hurts me deeply. Did you really think this charade would go unpunished?”

“Ten…What did you do?” You ask shakily.

————

[Flashback - JUNE 1896]

Lucas brushes Hazel’s mane at the Park Estate’s stables. 

“Your Highness,” one of the servants calls to him.

He looks up at the servant and freezes up at the sight of Ten beside him. 

“His Royal Majesty Ten Lee seeks an audience with Your Highness,” the servant says.

Lucas nods stiffly. “Thank you. You are dismissed.”

The servant departs and Ten stands there, an unreadable smile on his face.

“It’s been a long time...brother,” Ten begins.

Lucas steps away from Hazel and approaches his half-brother. “Your Majesty, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Ten replies, “I’ve missed our friendship.”

Lucas scoffs. “Have you now?” 

Ten shakes his head. “Remember that I am your king, brother. I won’t tolerate you speaking down to me.” He nods his head over to his team of guards, which included the ever-hostile Hendery. Hendery flashes a condescending smile at Lucas. 

Lucas was still nursing the cut under his chin that Hendery gave him from the first time he visited. Lucas chose not to mention anything to arouse suspicion from the Parks. When they inquired, he said that it was from a sparring incident and they all left it at that. 

Ten continues, “Let’s go hunting.”

Lucas begrudgingly accepts and joins Ten and his men to go hunting in the nearby forest that Lucas was most familiar with. The two brothers take their bows and arrows to hunt for deer. It is a tense and quiet walk. 

When they finally see targets, Lucas eases up and is thankful for the distraction. 

Ten shoots at a deer in the distance but misses. The deer scurries off. He hisses. 

Lucas can’t help a chuckle. Hunting was never Ten’s strong suit.

Ten turns to Lucas. “Something funny, Lucas?”

Lucas shakes his head, smiling. “You’re still terrible with a bow and arrow.” 

Ten recalls the times he and Lucas went hunting when they were kids. He laughs. “I’m afraid so.” 

Lucas had his reservations about Ten. He resented him for marrying you, cheating on you, neglecting you during your time of need, and keeping you away from him. But deep down, he still had affection for his best friend. That connection didn’t just go away, especially since they were actually bonded by blood. And part of him ached for Ten because soon, you and Lucas would leave and never see him again, your friendship permanently severed. 

Lucas does his best to put on a good face. He and Ten regale about their adolescence and their shenanigans in the palace. Ten asks about Rosé and his time in the Park Estate. Lucas asks about the kingdom and how his reign is progressing. He even politely asks about you, acting like you two hadn’t spoken to each other since the festival. Ten replies that you are well and are expecting to deliver the baby sometime in October or November. Lucas pretends to not know this information.

“Congratulations, Your Majesty. A royal heir,” Lucas starts as he aims his arrow in search of a target. 

Ten only watches Lucas now. “Indeed, y/n has made me the happiest man. The baby is just the beginning for us, Lucas.”

Lucas evens out his expression so Ten doesn’t catch onto his irritation. However, Ten knew what he was doing. 

Ten continues as he readies his bow and arrow. “I think I’ve found my first kill for the day, brother...” He turns to Lucas, whose back is to him. Ten positions his arrow against the bow.

“Oh?” Lucas asks, oblivious, focused on finding deer. 

“Take a look,” Ten says quietly. He closes one eye shut and focuses his aim. 

As Lucas turns to face Ten, Ten releases the arrow, striking Lucas. 

Very near to the heart, as Ten anticipated. 

Lucas groans as he falls down to his knees. “What have you done?!” He quickly falls on his knees, blood seeping out of his wound. Lucas loses even more energy and falls to the ground, face first. 

Ten walks over to Lucas. Lucas slowly crawls away, attempting to evade his hunter. “You know, I had my doubts about today. Coming to see you, inviting you to the forest, and making you the prize of this hunt...But I can’t take any chances, Lucas. y/n belongs to me. It’s time for you to know that. Soon, she will see it, too.”

Lucas gasps heavily, “Help...me…”

Ten laughs. “Do you think anyone here is on your side, bastard?” 

Lucas feels faint. He is about to lose consciousness, knowing that he is very near to his end. He was torn between wishing to be saved and ending his suffering. But through all of this, he could only think of you and his child. Tears fell from his eyes. He had to fight until the end. He continues to crawl but he is fading with each passing moment. 

Ten barks, “Hendery, Doyoung, pick him up.” 

Ten’s guards appear. Lucas can only see their shoes. Hendery and Doyoung pick Lucas up off of the ground. Hendery quickly pushes Lucas against the nearest tree. Lucas loses his breath at the harsh contact. 

Hendery quickly pulls the arrow out of his chest and Lucas yells in agony. Hendery can’t help himself, pulling out a dagger and stabbing Lucas right in the heart, turning the dagger slowly and torturously. 

Ten shakes his head. “You were supposed to wait for my order, Hendery.”

Hendery pulled his dagger out of Lucas’s bloody chest. He lets go of Lucas’s body. It falls to the ground like a chopped down tree, heavy but lifeless.

Hendery backs away and bows to Ten. “My apologies, Your Majesty.” 

Ten nods. “Doyoung, prepare the crate. We’re going home, gentlemen.” 

————

[Present - November 1896]

The twins slept in the carriage now. 

“What did you do to him?” You whisper loudly, hot tears streaming down your face. You knew it in your gut that Ten got to Lucas. 

“What had to be done, dearest,” Ten says. 

“Where is he?” You ask, dreading his answer.

“Right underneath us,” Ten says as he looks down at the grass.

You slowly process his words. You look down to the ground and realize Lucas was buried right underneath the tree that started it all.

You stumble and fall to the ground. “No…”

Ten continues, “Lucas is dead, y/n.”

You shake your head. “Ten, you wouldn’t…”

He responds, “You were straying. I had to intervene.”

You refuse to listen. “You...are many things. You are not a killer.”

He finishes, “I would do anything for you, y/n.”

Images and memories of your true love flash into your mind. Lucas’s welcoming smile when he meets you the first time. The horseback riding. The first time you made love before Ten entered the room at the party. The days in Wanderlust. Your last night together at the festival.  You sob, trying to control your volume. “No, no, no. Please, God, no...Ten, what-”

“I did it for us, angel,” Ten says as he bends down and raises your chin to look at him, adoring your gorgeous face as you weep.

You pull away. “You killed him...Ten, that’s an act of treason. You can’t get away with this.”

“I can. And I will, y/n.” He gets you up off of the ground. “Come along now. The girls will soon need to get fed again.”

You pull yourself away from Ten. “Don’t touch me. I will never let you touch me again.”

Ten laughs. “You would be smart to obey me, y/n. Or I will take the twins away from you.”

Tears staining your face, you grasp the stroller handle and your knuckles turn white. You want to lunge for your monstrous husband but know that regardless of your status as queen, Ten always had the last word. You knew he could take the girls away from you. He was as good (well as evil) as his word. 

Ten leads you back to the palace. He offers to handle the stroller but you refuse to let go of your babies. They were your reason to continue living this never ending nightmare. It was up to you that they didn’t grow up to be like their “father”. 

————

[DECEMBER 1896]

You silently mourn the death of Lucas, cursing at the heavens for taking away the most heavenly creature from you. The Park Estate and the Kingdom of Hearts have continued their search parties across the continent for Lucas. Ten, unironically, was at the forefront. He made sure they looked everywhere. The last place they would look was where Lucas’s remains laid: the cherry blossom tree. 

The search teams were losing hope and Princess Rosé was inconsolable. Your heart ached for her as you knew the truth. So you did what you could and listened to her when she came to visit. You could not leave the palace under your concerned husband’s orders. You theorized that the pressure of becoming king overwhelmed him and he ran. That at the very least he was safe and starting a new life. You and Rosé knew that was a load of bullshit. Lucas would have at least sent a letter, apologizing. That was the kind of person he was. 

You continue to nurse the babies. You channel all of your energy in taking care of them, checking in with Doctor Kun daily. You drink the best herbal teas. Your diet is consistent. You couldn’t starve yourself. Even if every bite of food was no longer savory, you continued to eat. You had to sustain yourself for the sake of your children. Ten is thrilled that you have invested all of your time as a mother, as you should’ve from the start. 

If you allowed yourself to think about anything besides the well-being of your children, you knew your mind would wander to a dark place. 

You are reading a book on motherhood in the library one day while the babies are napping. Seulgi comes to you.

“Your Majesty, a letter has arrived for you,” she says.

You shoot Seulgi a look as you take the letter. “Did His Majesty get a hand on this?” 

Seulgi’s eyes widened at your hostility. “Your Majesty…”

You sigh. “I trusted in you, Seulgi...Ten got his hand on my personal letters. And I know he got to you.”

Seulgi panics. “I am so sorry, Your Majesty. I wanted to protect you but the king threatened the safety of my family.” Tears well up in her eyes. “If it were up to me, I would be fiercely loyal to you. Only you. But as long as the king reigns, I have no choice.”

You get up from your chair and put your hands on Seulgi’s forearms. “I know.”

Seulgi hiccups. “Your Majesty?”

You say, “I understand. You don’t have to worry. I know that you are a good person. You have always stood by me. You’ve taken a beating for me, for heaven’s sake. I still carry that with me to this day.”

Seulgi shakes her head. “I would do it again, Your Majesty. You have always been kind to me.” She had worked in the palace for over ten years, ever since she was a little girl. “Without you, the palace would be hell.”

You smile at Seulgi, “I appreciate that. And there’s no need to worry. The personal letters have ceased so if His Majesty inquires about the letters, you can hand them over…” You have given up on keeping secrets from Ten. He was right. You truly underestimated how vile he was. 

Seulgi shakes her head. “His Majesty has not seen this letter, Your Majesty...And it’s better that he does not.” She bows. 

You realize what she says and quickly dismiss her. You open the letter. 

Dear y/n,

I am so sorry to write to you as you are still nursing your children. I congratulate you and your husband for the safe delivery of your daughters. I implore you: if you know anything that the palace has not admitted to the public about Prince Lucas’ whereabouts, please tell me. I fear that something terrible has happened. He wouldn’t have run away. He was committed to staying with the princess. He wouldn’t have disappeared without sending us a letter after the fact at the very least. I await your response.

Many blessings,

Kahei

Lucas’ mother and the rest of his family were also kept in the dark. Ten forbade you from reaching out to them again. It was a part of his threat to take the girls away from you. And even if you dared send them a letter, you feared for their safety and yours. You wondered just how long Ten would keep the charade up. He could easily have Lucas’s remains moved and found anywhere he commanded. Why keep everyone in the dark about his status? He was a sick man. 

You complied with Ten’s orders but refused to lie in bed with him. You were thankful that the twins needed to be fed every few hours throughout the night, as well. Ten was displeased but he couldn’t deny you from protecting his daughters. For they were his daughters. Soon, they would be weaned and you two could get back on track, he thought. You needed time to forget Lucas and you would, he firmly believed. 

Ten continued his affairs throughout the palace. It was a game to him: a game of where can I sleep with the help without my wife knowing. But he got sloppy sometimes as his lust overtook him more times than he could count. You caught him several times without detection and simply resumed your day. Ten fucked Miss Oral in the kitchen at 4 AM? Okay. Ten had an orgy with nine other servants in the garden? Ambitious. Ten kept that little tart Jade on after so many months? You were disappointed but not shocked. 

It infuriated you but it wasn’t like you didn’t know the truth. 

And then, the next blow was delivered.

————

[2 Weeks Later]

You finish eating dinner alone in your chambers. The twins are being bathed by the servants. Ten is away on another useless search party. It was like a pageant for him. The public would say, “The honorable king is unrelenting when it comes to searching for his lost childhood friend.” A touching story. You resisted the urge to punch a wall. 

Seulgi hands you another letter. She bows and quickly leaves you to read in private. 

My dear daughter,

I pray this letter finds you well. I don’t know if you have been receiving my letters as you have not responded. In case they have disappeared due to the distance, I should tell you that His Majesty has transferred us to the Western continent and we only just caught wind of your delivery. How we wish to meet our grandchildren. How your father wished it more than anything. y/n, I am so sorry to say this but your father has passed from tuberculosis. I miss him so much and I wish more than anything for us to be together to mourn him. We have buried him the day I write this to you. Please, if you receive this letter, send for me. Or come to me, if you can. I miss you and love you, always. Many blessings to you and my beautiful granddaughters. 

Love,

Your Mother

You fall down to the floor and wail. Seulgi and Irene quickly run into the room, having been nearby cleaning the other rooms. 

“Your Majesty, what’s wrong?” Irene asks. 

Seulgi rubs your back. “Your Majesty…”

“My f-father,” you say between sobs, “H-he’s gone.” You shake yourself off of the two women. You shake your head as you look down at the two women.. “Did you two know?!”

Irene shakes her head. And so does Seulgi. 

“Seulgi...Did. You. Know?!” You demanded as you took the glass pitcher of water and threw it to the ground, the glass shattering all over the marble floor. You stand there, barefoot. 

“Your Majesty, don’t walk over the-” Irene starts. 

You don’t care. Nothing could hurt as much as the pain you feel inside. Not only did you lose the love of your life. Your freedom. Your happiness. You lost one of the only people in your corner who had been stripped from you because of the king and that crone’s orders. You walk over the glass, the shards piercing your feet. 

Seulgi runs over to you. “Your Majesty, stop. Irene, get the first aid kit immediately!” 

Irene runs off to get the kit. Seulgi tries to put her arms around you.

You shrug her off and say quietly, “My father was dying and you mean to tell me no one knew?” 

Seulgi shakes her head. “King Ten was always there when I collected your mail and I could never deliver their letters to you. That is the truth. Please, Your Majesty, you have to believe me.” She cries again. “If I had known...I would’ve told you. I-”

“Of course,” you stop her, “Of course, my beloved husband knew. That witch of a mother of his also knew...Those two will really stop at nothing to strip every person I love away from me.”

More servants rushed to your chambers.

You yell. “Leave! Get out! Run along and tell the king his queen is acting up if you haven’t already. In fact, I demand his presence. So go get him up from whatever bed he lies in and yank his dick off of whatever pussy it resides in.” 

A couple of servants run to get the king, astonished at your behavior.

Seulgi and Irene quickly disinfect and bandage your feet. “We will call Doctor Kun to tend to your wounds this evening,” Irene says.

Ten returns, his hair disheveled and bites apparent on his neck.

You look up at your husband, who stands at the door in shock at the sight of you.

“Husband! How nice to see you!” You said as you laid your bloody feet up on the bed.

Ten only looks at you in dismay. “What happened to your feet? Who is responsible for this? I will have them-”

“Oh, shut up,” you start, “I did it.”

Ten looks at you in shock. Your eyes looked so lifeless, so defeated. He almost didn’t recognize you. “Why?” He asks, pathetically.

You show him the letter. “I got this letter before anyone else could get to it. I wanted to see how my parents were doing. Since you and your mother have moved them away from me, I figured it was about time I got an update, no?”

Ten sees the letter in your hand and turns to Seulgi.

“Do not take this out on any of our servants. This is between you and me. Now, I’ve received news of my father’s passing. That’s interesting...Do you know why? Probably because I never got news of his sickness, much less that you transferred them to the fucking western continent.”

Ten pushes past the servants and his shoes crush the broken glass into tinier pieces. “y/n, I was going to tell you but I wanted to ensure your safe delivery first and-”

You raise your hand. “You took them away from me. My parents. And now my father’s dead. You just couldn’t be the only one fatherless, could you?!”

“y/n, I will not allow you to-”

You cut him off. “I’ve had enough of your games, husband. I have been so damn complacent. Meanwhile, you’ve probably fucked every maid in this room…”

The female servants, apart from Irene and Seulgi, couldn’t meet your eye, confirming your thoughts.

“Am I a joke to all of you?” You ask everyone in the room. “If it weren’t for me, you would all be rotting in the dungeon because of His Majesty’s intolerance for ONE miniscule mistake.” You grab the glass of water on your nightstand and break it. You hold one sharp piece of glass. 

Ten tries to calm you down. “y/n, I-”

You hold the piece of glass in your hand, quivering. “You will send for my mother and for my father’s casket. We will give them a proper burial in the kingdom. It is the least you can do, Your Majesty.” 

Ten relents, fearing you for the first time. You simply needed time to digest the news and he would give it to you. He would abide by your wishes and bring your family back to the kingdom. 

————

[JANUARY 1897]

Ten gave you the distance you needed. You didn’t give a damn where he was so long as he left you alone. Your mother arrived, along with your father’s casket. Your father was given a proper royal burial. Your friends of the family attended. Ten stood beside you and your mother. The crocodile tears were provided by Ten’s mother. 

You were able to see your mother more as she moved back into your childhood home. She helped you take care of the twins. 

The time apart from Ten gave you more time to think. 

Perhaps you weren’t as trapped as you thought. 

Your animosity faded for you still had appearances to maintain. Ten believed you to forgive him for his indiscretion with your father. Like there was nothing else to be forgiven. 

Ten continues lazing around with the servants but his favored servant remains to be Jade. Jade slowly gets it into her head that she can one day get rid of you and take your place. Ten never planned for that. You were number one in his heart. 

Ten and Jade lie together in a bedroom in the first floor west wing of the palace. 

“I love you, Your Majesty,” Jade whispers into his ear as she snuggles herself closer to him. 

Ten only grunts, imagining you to say those words again. How he longed to hear your words of affection directed towards him again.

Suddenly, his heart and abdomen grow bigger. “J-Jade, I...I feel ill. Hand me a glass of water,” he starts. 

Jade gives him a glass of water and he downs it. The pain he feels only worsens. It felt like he was being eaten from the inside out. All over his body. He starts roaming his hands all over his naked body, trying to feel for what is gnawing at him. 

“Ahhh,” Ten yells out in pain. “Jade, there is something wrong with me.”

“Your Majesty!” Jade yells as she gets out of bed. “I will call the doctor.”

Jade runs out the door. Ten lies in bed, his body burning from the gnawing sensation he feels inside. What was wrong with him, he thought. An hour or so passes and Jade still has not returned.

“Jade!” Ten calls out. “Anyone!” His voice has fallen weak. He cannot move because the pain is too agonizing. 

The door opens and you enter. “Why, hello Ten.”

You look absolutely radiant. Better than you have looked in months. You are beaming with a joy he had never seen you have. You wore a green ball gown, like you were ready to tend to visiting royals. You hadn’t dressed up this nicely since you conceived the twins. 

“I ran into that little tramp of yours and she told me you were ill so I thought I would come tend to my poor, poor husband…” You coo, mimicking the way he patronized you for so long. 

“Darling! Please help me, I am in pain. Get the doctor,” he grunts out word for word. 

You sigh. “Now why would I do that?” 

He looks at you with wide eyes. “Wh-”

You sit on the bed beside him, increasing his discomfort at the sudden movement of the bed. “Now if only Jade was around...She would’ve called the doctor for you. She would do nothing short of murder for you if you wished it. But...Jade is indisposed. In the most permanent sense, sweetheart.”

“y/n-” Ten starts.

“You two enjoyed rolling around in the hay so much...So I thought it fitting that she’d die the way she would enjoy most.”

Ten looks up at you in horror as you ruffle his hair.

You finish, “Consumed by the earth itself.” 

Ten cries out. “y/n, help...me...Please…”

You quickly get off of the bed. “It hurts a lot, doesn’t it?” You ask. 

Ten is furious but his pain overpowers any emotion. He only cries. He doesn’t have the words. 

“Are you familiar with the Gu poison?” You ask, softly. 

Ten’s eyes widen at the word “poison”.

You continue. “It is incredible how it’s created. You see, venomous snakes, scorpions, and centipedes are collected into a jar. They have to fight each other for survival and ultimately devour each other. The last creature standing holds a concentrated toxin. The toxin has no taste so someone can easily slip it into your supper and you would never know it was laced with poison. It takes up to ten days for it to act. And look now, on our dear old friend Lucas’ birthday, the poison has taken effect. It was meant to be this day.” 

“You bitch-” Ten spurts out.

You check your nails and shut the curtains. “Do you really want our last moments together to be so full of hatred?”

You tie one of his silk ties around his mouth. He thrashes about but you overpower him. You take the other silk ties and tie them around his arms. 

“You must want to know what it feels like to be tied up, don’t you? You certainly loved doing it to me,” you continue.

Ten continues to writhe in pain. He feels himself slowly fading. It was torture. He would much rather get stabbed in the heart. Any death must have been better than this feeling: he felt like he was being eaten alive. Tiny little creatures were gnawing at him from the inside. He wanted to rip his flesh open and take the critters out.

You sigh. “My father’s death was the final straw, Ten. I wanted to kill you the moment you told me Lucas was six feet under the cherry blossom tree but you had me under your thumb. I’m not going to take it anymore, dearest.”

Ten cries. “y/n, please...I will do anything...Please save me…”

You say, “You promised a lot of things to me. But you failed me. Time and time again. Fucking anything that moved. And I can’t take this anymore. I was ready to leave. You could have let me go and still laid with any woman you wanted. But no...You wanted to possess me...like some doll. And you killed Lucas, the true love of my life. You and your mother have pulled the strings of our lives for too long. This is the end.”

Ten manages to say, “y/n-“

“I have had it, Ten,” you say. “I know where the antidote is but I’m afraid it is impossible for me to get it now.”

Ten cries. “No…”

You sigh. “It’s buried with that harlot. Such a pity. She really left you in the lurch, didn’t she?”

That was how you planned to spin it. Jade, the jealous servant, who wanted to take your place, threw herself into a jealous rage and poisoned the king. You had her confession letter prepared very nicely. You wondered if you hired the same scribe who Ten hired to imitate Lucas’ handwriting. Either way, that scribe kept their mouth shut when they saw the fire in your eyes. 

Ten cries loudly but his screams are muffled by the silk tie. 

“Now, I would be with you during your final breaths but that wouldn’t look good for me, would it? You certainly wouldn’t want me to take the fall for a crime that the commendable Jade committed?”

Tears stream down your face now as you finally release your suppressed emotions. “You brought this on yourself, husband. All of this. You’ve brought me to this point with each betrayal. Now accept the consequences.” You walk out of the room, not a servant in sight. 

Ten lies in bed and thrashes around, his eyes red and teary with angry veins as he screams loudly. Unfortunately, no one hears him because his rendezvous points with his multitude of lovers were always away from the majority of servants.

All he felt was agony. Surely, any death would’ve been better than this. His heartbeat dwindled and his last thought before he succumbed to his death was of you being taken by him the very first time at the graduation party.

————

[Three Days Later]

The Kingdom of Hearts was once again in mourning. The people mourn the death of King Ten. He was a strong presence, just like his father. The young King was destined to expand the kingdom and its wealth, but his life was cut short due to poisoning. Found by you, his dead body was found in the west wing, tied up. You found a letter from one of your servants, confessing to the crime. She was in love with His Majesty. She quickly disappeared with the night. Now, there was a bounty for her head and her family was under watch in case she returned or made contact with them.

His Royal Majesty is survived by you, his wife, the Queen, and your twin daughters, Princesses Yīngtáo and Kāihuā.

The funeral procession was beautiful. People from all over the continent gathered to pay their respects for the fallen king. Flowers from all over the continent were tossed over his casket. He was laid to rest in the Royal Cemetery beside his father.

Ten’s mother was inconsolable. She lost her husband and her son. You were also inconsolable. You wept and wept. Nothing was holding you back from mourning who you've lost.

You lost a lot in a matter of months. You lost Lucas. You lost your father. Hell, you lost Ten a long time ago. Nearly everything you once treasured vanished in the blink of an eye. 

You could finally let it all out and it worked to your benefit. No one would dare suspect you of foul play. Not even former Queen Lee.

You had tea with her after the procession.

“y/n, you really loved my son,” she says between sniffles.

You sip your tea, feeling calmer now. It took her so long to realize that you weren’t the wretch she thought you to be. But maybe that was just her spiked tea speaking. She would probably return to hating you, tomorrow

Or would she?

You are the sole ruler of the kingdom now. Until you marry again. Then again, who said you had to marry again? There was no official law that mandated you to. 

The queen was complacent now because you were in charge. It was in her best interest to be on your good graces.

But after years of enduring her insults and for her hand in omitting to tell you about your father's illness, you were afraid that that was no longer an option.

“Mother,” you begin, “You should know that the little slag Jade was not responsible for your son’s death.”

Ten’s mother nearly drops her cup of tea as she shakily puts it down.

She openly glares at you now. “What are you saying, y/n?”

“Do you really think Jade was smart enough to get the poison to put into Ten’s supper? There is only one thing she excelled at and it was fucking your son. He loved to fuck her like the little whore he was.”

The queen got up from the table and was about to grab you. “You take that back, you little wretch.”

You refused to cower away from this crone. Her baby boy was no longer there to shield her now. You had the power. 

She is about to slap you but you grab her arm. She tries to wriggle out of your grasp. 

“I poisoned your son, Mother. I exterminated that beast before he hurt me again. He fucked all of the servants behind my back. He killed Lucas. He lied about my father.”

“You’re the damned beast,” she says as she spits in your face. She bawls. “My baby...What have you done?!”

You don’t flinch. You take a napkin and wipe away the spit from your face. “It is not in your benefit to defy me, Mother…”

“Shut up, you insolent wench,” the Queen removes herself from your grasp and attempts to lunge for you. You trip her to the ground.

You continue, “I have to wonder...how much you knew…”

Ten’s mother opens her mouth and closes it immediately. It is all in her eyes. 

“You hag,” you say, “I’ll take that as a confirmation of my suspicions.”

You place your foot over her back so she can’t get up. “Does the term Gu poison ring any bells?”

The queen’s eyes widen in shock as she looks up at you.

You add, “I believe you tried to poison Lucas’ mother that way once upon a time…”

“How did you know-“

“Surely, Ten brought you up to speed on my visits to Wanderlust. In fact, I’m sure you were the first person prepared to set the town ablaze so long as Kahei burned, didn’t you?”

“Don’t mention that whore’s name in my palace!” Ten’s mother pushed herself and yanked you by the leg so you stumble.

Seulgi runs in. “Your Majesty, are you alright?”

You regain your footing and you kick the woman’s legs away.

The former Queen barks at Seulgi. “You were outside this whole time, girl? The queen is at her wit’s end. Someone needs to detain her!”

Seulgi stands there, awaiting your orders.

Ten’s mom grabs Seulgi by the arm. “What are you doing, you worthless fool? This woman poisoned the king. She admitted it. Arrest her.”

Seulgi shakes herself off of her. “You must be hearing things, madam. It must be from your age.”

Ten’s mother was an irritable crone. One of her biggest triggers was any mention of her age. 

“Girl,” Ten’s mom begins again about to yank Seulgi by the hair. She quickly backs up.

Seulgi speaks up, “I’ve served this household since I was thirteen years old. You have never called me by my name. You have beaten my mother more times than I count. You have paid my family insufficiently. Your abuse and condescension made you an unfitting Queen. Your son was the spitting image of you in terms of how he treated the staff. The minute news came of his passing, I breathed a sigh of relief. Because Queen y/n is now in charge. She cares about her people and her servants. Unlike. You.”

Ten’s mother yells, “Insolent vermin, you are!”

Seulgi bows. “I will be outside the door if you need anything, Your Majesty.” She leaves you with the Queen.

Ten’s mother grew more livid. “You have turned the help against me, have you not?”

You shrug. “A little kindness goes a long way, Mother. It’s unfortunate neither you or your son have possessed it.”

Ten’s mother is about to lunge at you again when she clams up and clutches her chest. 

“y/n...my heart…” Ten’s mother falls over. You simply stand there.

After a few minutes, you tell Seulgi to alert the servants that the queen suddenly died of a heart attack. It was sudden and as you and Seulgi tried to get her up, it was too late.

————

[February 1897]

Ten and his parents were united in death. Now that they were out of the picture, it was time to announce the findings of Lucas’ remains. It just so happened that you found a letter in Ten’s study, confirming his instructions to bury Lucas under the cherry blossom tree.

It turned out the scribe you hired before had indeed worked with Ten. The scribe had also imitated Ten’s handwriting rather well.

Princess Rosé was beside you as the servants uncovered Lucas’ remains. 

Lucas’ body was decomposed a long time ago. But specialists confirmed that his body was severed into many pieces, like he was a piece of meat. 

You and Princess Rosé cried together. You felt some of your guilt leave your body. Now Rosé could move on, just as she rightfully deserved. 

You two had dinner and then walked around the palace grounds together.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, y/n,” she says as she sniffles.

You squeeze her hand as you walk together. “Thank you for everything, Rosé. You’ve been my rock throughout this whole process.”

It was true. Although you and Lucas had cheated, you never harbored any negative feelings toward Rosé. She didn’t know that you and Lucas were in love when he entered the arranged marriage with her. She was never malevolent. She trusted her husband and believed the best of him. She protected him at the festival when she knew he had run off God-knows-where. It was unfair to her. 

You wished you could keep your distance from her because you didn’t want to keep living a lie with her.

“I know you and Lucas met the night of the festival, y/n…” She admits as you walk through the rose garden.

You stop in your tracks. 

Rosé hasn’t let go of your hand, even after admitting this. “Originally, when he disappeared, I thought he’d run away to meet with you…”

You listen to her, afraid to say something that will anger her.

But Rosé, ethereal and gentle, looked at you, calm. There was sadness in her eyes. “I know he loved you.”

You cry, about to apologize like you wanted to for so long. “Rosé, I-“

She says solemnly, “I know…When I realized you never ran away to meet him, I realized that something was wrong. As much as you two hurt me, I...couldn’t stop loving Lucas. When we were together, he was so kind, y/n. He just pulls you in with those eyes and that smile. You know this more than anyone.”

You nod shyly. “I do.”

“I would’ve let you two run off. You would’ve had to evade my vengeful family for all of your days but at least, you would’ve been together.”

You weep, astonished at Rosé’s kindness. “You...I don’t deserve your kindness.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t. But you need it more than ever.”

You two hug and continue your walk. You make it to the weaponry room near the stables where you overhear some of the guards drinking.

“A toast to our fallen king,” a man begins. 

“To our fallen king,” the other men continue. 

“Now we are subject to the whims of His Majesty’s unhinged wife,” the first man continues.

The men matter and some laugh, making derogatory comments about you. How they would still bed you, regardless of how insane you were. 

You and Rosé eye each other in confusion and quietly move closer. The men sit at a table with a box of spirits. 

The first man you recognized as the head of the army, Hendery. “At least, the Queen cannot fuck that prince again. His Majesty saw to it.”

Your heart clenches as do your fists. 

The guards clink their bottles together. “Hear, hear.”

Hendery continues, “And I ended him with that final blow, didn’t I?”

The guards cheer. As you hear this news, you carefully scan the room. You recognize all of the guards. None of them appeared to be shocked at the news. You wondered how many of these men were present the day of Lucas’ murder.

Rosé scares you then. Her complacent nature had completely shattered. She grips the wood of the room tightly as her knuckles whitened.

You still didn’t have the full details of what happened the day Lucas died. But it seemed the Lord had smiled down at you and decided to give you the truth.

Hendery commands the room, only stumbling every now and then from how inebriated he was. “His Majesty shot him like any deer in that forest. Very near to the heart. His Majesty had improved greatly in his archery skills. He was able to put it to practice, at the very least.”

He continues as the men’s cheers become all muttered and incoherent from the alcohol.

“And then Doyoung and I picked up his body and pushed him against a tree. And I stabbed him really neatly in the heart. And now, no more Lucas.” He laughed.

Rosé pulls you away now. “y/n, he must be punished.”

You open your mouth in disbelief. “What?”

Rosé retorts, “I know you had a hand in Ten’s death. So why should this be any different?”

“What?” You ask her. How the hell did she figure it out?

“Lucky guess.” She shrugs. “Your reaction was the confirmation I needed.”

Sweet Rosé was not to be underestimated you thought. She could be as cold and calculating as the next person. 

“Come on,” she goaded, “You want to end his pathetic existence as much as I do.”

Of course you did. It was all you could think about the minute he admitted to fatally stabbing Lucas. 

You shake your head. “You can be better than me, Rosé. I can do this on my own.”

Rosé takes your hand and leads you to the stables. “Your hands already have enough blood on them. Let me take some of that burden.”

You protest more but Rosé won’t have it. The gears in her head were moving a mile a minute and you had no idea what she had in store for Hendery.

A few hours passed and the men slowly left the weapons room. Hendery, to your and Rosé’s luck, remained behind. 

A sad excuse of a human being, you thought. He was a bully in high school. Belittled the women around him. It blew your mind that he married and procreated. 

You would see to it that his family is taken care of when he is gone.

Princess Rosé awaited him. “Commander,” she began.

Hendery stumbles and upon seeing Princess Rosé, he gives her a lewd smile. “Your Highness, what are you doing here alone so late at night? It’s dangerous for a princess to be unattended.”

She plays him. “I’ve never felt so safe, having the commander of the royal army with me.”

Hendery slides his arm around her, groping her bottom. Rosé flinches and hides her distaste. 

Hendery replies, “Allow me to escort you back to the palace.”

Rosé shakes her head. “Actually, there is one place I wanted to go. With you.”

Hendery smiles wide, like he’d successfully gotten the biggest kill in a hunt 

Rosé leads him to the stables, where you wait in the shadows. 

You trip Hendery as he walks in. “Wha-“ He starts.

He groans in pain as you quickly tie rope tightly around his right leg. 

“What are you-who is that?” Hendery asks, dazed.

“It’s His Majesty’s unhinged wife, of course,” you say, echoing his words back at him.

Hendery sobers up as you bring a lamp close to your face. “Y-your Majesty?!”

Rosé takes the other end of the rope to an occupied stable, where Lucas’ horse Hazel resides for her visit. 

She greets Hazel quietly and Hazel nuzzles her, trusting her completely. It seemed Hazel had added Rosé into her circle of trust. Rosé ties the other end of the rope around Hazel’s left hind leg.

“Alright, girl,” she whispers, “We’re going to go for a ride.”

Hendery panics as he sobers up even more. “What are you doing?”

You swiftly bind him with rope so he can’t use his arms. “That’s for you to find out, commander.”

Hendery is about to speak up by you bind his mouth shut as well. 

Rosé gets up on Hazel. “y/n, will you join us?”

You nod. “I’m ready.”

You get up on Hazel and sit behind Rosé. She spurred Hazel forward with her heels. Hazel starts off slowly, moving out of the stables.

Hendery feels his body move forward as the rope pulls him. 

You and Rosé ignore Hendery’s protests. Rosé beckons for Hazel to run faster. You make it to the grassy field where the horses can ran freely. Hendery already suffers burns from the traction. Hazel has trampled him a couple of times now. He is losing consciousness. 

Rosé pulls her last trick and pulls the reins back to stop Hazel and Hendery’s body slips right under and she steps right over him. Spooked, she tramples him even more. 

“Well?” Rosé asks you.

You get off of Hazel and check on Hendery.

His body lied there, bruised, lifeless. His right leg was positioned awkwardly having broken a mile back, at the very least.

“He’s dead,” you confirm.

You and Rosé already planned to pin the murder on Doyoung, for he was just as responsible for Lucas’s death. Doyoung wanted to overthrow Hendery for a while and the guards confirmed it when questioned. 

Doyoung was sentenced to death by decapitation. 

Rosé returned to the Park Estate. You both continued your friendship, retiring from your murderous tendencies. As you have avenged the man you loved.

————

[June 1897]

Months have passed and the kingdom celebrated their beloved Queen’s birthday. You were still in mourning but everyone was relieved to see your enchanting smile again. The kingdom had a strong and capable leader in you.

As the citizens adored you, the palace staff grew to respect you. No whispers of “simpleton Queen” ever slipped from their mouths again. Most respected you. The skeptical ones feared you. No one dared to defy you now so long as they treated you with respect.

Seulgi had always been your most loyal servant so you elevated her position in the household. She and her family could live comfortably, as well. You made sure all of your trusted servants received fair payments.

You tracked down Miss Oral and the other servants who Ten fucked around with. Just as they themselves were loose, their lips were even looser. You dismissed them all from the palace. As for Jade’s family, you pardoned them for they didn’t sleep with your husband multiple times.

As for the guards who knew about Lucas’ murder, you had them dishonorably charged from the army. Most of them were slackers anyway, uncommitted to protecting the kingdom. They only cared about their titles. You needed to hire truly honorable men for the army and you knew just the right person to lead the new wave.

You welcomed Kahei and her family to move into the kingdom. They lived next to your mother and became friends. Only you and your mother knew of the actual identity of Lucas’s family. To everyone else, you claimed them to be distant relatives that you looked out for. Kahei and her family were also given the royal treatment. In a matter of time, you would let them join you in the palace, where they rightfully belonged. Beside you.

Yangyang was in the running to be the next commander of the royal army, outranking several of the other guards, much to their dismay. You knew it was a matter of time before he was given the official title.

Rosé visited you from time to time. You have become close friends, much to the shock of the public. It was believed that mourning the loss of your husbands brought you closer together.

If they only knew the true hell you both endured.

You had no plans to remarry. Your heart remained with Lucas. Even if there were only memories left. Lucas was buried, per his family’s wishes, in his summer home in Wanderlust. You told Rosé about Lucas’ true origins and instead of punishing you and his family, she befriended all of you. You, the twins, Rosé, and Lucas’ family went to visit Lucas’ grave and decorated it with flowers.

It was a bittersweet summer. You were in Wanderlust with Lucas, just not in the way either of you had hoped for. You knew he was with you in spirit and just like Kahei told you the first time you visited her, you two could meet again in the next life.

Hopefully, without the menacing presence that also lingered in your memories. Ten must have been an evil incubus that escaped hell, but you hoped that you sent him back to suffer, eternally.

Fin.

[pastpatientlywaitingforimagines]

All The Clouds Ch. 1 | Niall Horan x Reader

Warnings: tiny mention of alcohol

Chapter 1: HEARTBREAK WEATHER

“It can be so lonely in this city,”

In a surprise to no one, Niall was watching golf when you arrived at his large Los Angeles home. He had changed clothes in the couple of hours since you had seen him last, he was now wearing grey sweatpants (that you were very familiar with having worn them multiple times yourself) and a blue t-shirt. The late afternoon sun was filling the entryway with a deliciously golden and welcoming hue when he opened the door for you, letting you inside.

“I thought we were watching a movie,” you couldn’t help but comment on his choice of programming as you took off your coat, dropping it on a chair as you made your way towards his kitchen.

“I thought you were bringing dinner,” he shot back with a smirk, following you like a lost puppy.

“I did bring dinner, I just need to make it first.” You were no stranger to his kitchen, and wasted no time preheating the oven and reaching for the dishes you’d need to make the dinner you had planned. Niall perched himself on a chair, watching your movements closely.

“What?” you raised your eyebrows when you noticed the way he was pouting.

“I was hoping you’d just order pizza or something,” he confessed, leaning against the counter, “I like it when you cook, pet, but I’m starving.”

“You’re a grownup with your own phone. You can order pizza if you want, but…” you paused, pulling tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese out of the grocery bag you had brought, “I can make it faster than the delivery person can bring it.”

Niall looked at you in disbelief, his mouth opening slightly and his eyes lighting up, “how’d you know?”

“We’ve been friends for years, I just know,” you shrugged, biting your lip to hide your smile and looking down at the dough you needed to roll out, “I let this rise while I was home so all it needs is toppings and to be thrown in the oven once I shape it.”

“You do that, I’ll go put on some music,” Niall suggested. Much like you knew he’d want pizza that evening, he knew that you preferred loud music while cooking. While you started stretching the dough, he walked away. You heard the TV turn off, followed by the beep of his phone connecting to his speakers.

The music came on while you were dusting his counter with flour, a bright pop melody that you immediately recognized. You couldn’t help but move your hips along to the song, letting the beat dictate your movements.

“Ahhhh this hit, that ice cold Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold,” Niall rejoined you in the kitchen, singing loudly and dancing just as badly as you were. He shuffled up beside you, dancing in time until he found the perfect moment to grab your hands and spin you around. His quick movement caught you off guard, sending you into a fit of giggles when you righted yourself. He let you turn back to the pizza dough, instead grabbing a wooden spoon from beside his stove and using it as a microphone.

“Stop, wait a minute. Fill my cup, put some liquor in it,” you sang along with him. This song was one of your favorites to listen to while goofing off with Niall, it had the perfect amount of words and instrumentals. It was a great song to listen to while in the kitchen, driving through the city with the windows down, and every time in between.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Niall strutting away from you, still lost in the music. You took the opportunity to leave your station at the counter and innocently walk up to him, singing quietly as he turned to you, oblivious.

Just as the beat dropped, you reached your floured thumb up to his face and swiped it across his forehead, leaving a trail of white dust in your wake. Niall knew exactly what you’d done, laughing loudly as you scampered away from him to the other side of the kitchen. He followed you quickly, grabbing a handful of flour as he passed by the bag you had left out. You tried to escape him, getting chased around the table in the middle of the room a few times, but there was no way for you to get past him.

“Niall,” you cautioned when he had you cornered by the fridge.

“Petal,” he emphasized the L just as you had with his name.

You held your hands up in surrender as he took a step closer, “you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes I do, you started it.”

Another step.

“I didn’t start anything.”

“Yes you did.”

Another step.

“I thought you were starving, let me finish the pizza.”

“The pizza can wait.”

Another step. You were running out of time.

“What’s that over there?”

As soon as Niall’s head turned to look where you had pointed, you lunged towards the pile of flour on the counter. He was quick to react once he realized you had tricked him, catching you with one strong arm across your middle. The other came up to drop the whole handful of flour that he had been holding over top of your head. You managed to grab enough flour from the counter to leave handprints on either side of his cheeks when you turned to face him.

His grip around your torso didn’t loosen until you were both sufficiently covered in a plentiful dusting of flour.

“Are you conceding?” you asked smugly when he finally stopped.

“No, I’m just hungry,” he confessed, laughing, “can we finish the pizza now?”

“The pizza could have been done by now but someone chose to dump flour on my head.”

You moved back to where the dough and toppings had been abandoned, quickly putting everything together and into the oven. When you closed the oven, Niall was back by your side, pulling you into him.

“This is for Instagram,” he explained when he held up his phone, the front camera facing the two of you.

“As if your fans needed another reason to love you,” you rolled your eyes, but posed anyways. “I can’t wait for this pizza to be done so I can go shower.”

“You can go now if you want, I’ll watch the oven,” Niall offered.

“Are you sure? You won’t get distracted and forget about it?”

“Have a little faith, petal. I’ll be fine.”

“Ok…” you said slowly, walking towards the guest bedroom, “I’m trusting you. It needs to come out it ten minutes.” Niall shot you back a cheesy grin.

“Don’t worry about it, enjoy your shower.”

Though your days of being starstruck by Niall were long gone, his home never ceased to amaze you. It wasn’t every day you got to be in a multi-million dollar home that put your small apartment to shame. Niall didn’t spend all of his time in LA, and when he was in the city of angels he usually had some form of work to do. Somehow, he always managed to make time in his busy schedule to hang out with you, even if it meant leaving the studio and stopping by your apartment for dinner three nights in a row. Though you often lived on opposite sides of the world, you never felt like Niall neglected you or your friendship.

Over the years you had spent enough time at his house to be allowed a whole drawer in his guest bedroom to keep your clothes. In reality, your drawer contained a pair of gym shorts, a pair of sweatpants, a nice outfit for going out, and a stack of t-shirts you had stolen from Niall.

You pulled out a t-shirt and the shorts, then walked over to the en suite bathroom and stripped yourself of your dirty clothes. You turned on the shower and let the water warm up before stepping into the stream. It took longer than you wanted to scrub the flour out of your hair and off of your face. It seemed like every time you thought you had gotten it all, more would appear.    Once you were absolutely certain you were clean, you turned off the water and wrapped yourself in a towel.

You dressed yourself in the clothes you had picked earlier, then combed through your hair with your fingers briefly before leaving the bathroom to rejoin Niall. He was lounging on his very large couch, transfixed on his phone. You sat down next to him, sinking into the cushions. Without looking up from his phone, he lifted his arm so you could rest your legs across his lap. His calloused thumb started rubbing thoughtlessly and gently across the skin by your knee.

His hair was damp and his clothes were clean. He had probably showered as well, you mused. You couldn’t help but find yourself distracted by the nuances of Niall’s facial expressions as he scrolled through Twitter. You couldn’t deny that your best friend was extremely handsome, even more so now that he had stopped bleaching his hair and was letting his natural brunet locks grow out. The way his face lit up when reading comments from fans made your heart swell, his grin so familiar it was like putting on your favorite hoodie.

“What are ya lookin’ at?” Niall poked your ribs when he looked up and noticed the way you were staring at him.

“Your face.”

“Is there somethin’ wrong with it?” he cheesed, turning his chin back and forth so you could see it from all angles.

“Of course not,” you smirked, pinching his cheek between your fingers, “I think it’s nice.”  

“Only nice? I think it’s sexy.”

“Dork,” you rolled your eyes, “are you going into the studio tomorrow?”

“Mhmm,” Niall hummed, “do you want to come with?”

You scoffed at his question, “Of course I want to come with, that’s not even a question. Can I-“

“Absolutely not,” he quickly interrupted you, aware of what you were about to ask before the words even left your mouth, “you’re not allowed to touch the sound board.”

“Niiiii,” you whined, throwing your head back dramatically, “please?” You tried to pout as best as you could, hoping his heartstrings would do you a favor. Instead, he just laughed at your dramatics.

“No, you know me too well. I write decent lyrics but if you get your hands on it, it’ll be like reading my diary to the whole world.”

“You keep a diary?” you snickered, choosing to ignore the compliment he gave you.

“No, but if I did you would turn it into a gorgeous song, I know it.”

“Sure.” You chose to leave it at that, pulling up your own Twitter timeline. Your notifications were flooded with screenshots of the Instagram story Niall had posted. Most of the replies were along the lines of ‘goals’ and ‘I wish I was (y/n)’. There was also an abundance of conversations regarding your relationship status with Niall. ‘I ship this so hard’, and ‘I didn’t know Niall and (y/n) were dating’ among other things.

This wasn’t the first time your relationship with the Irishman had been speculated about, online or otherwise. Multiple of your friends and even your parents had said something to you at one point or another, claiming you were made for one another. Every time you or Niall posted something online about the other, the fans had a field day with it.

The close bond you shared was no secret to the world, but it hadn’t come easy. After years of knowing each other, the best way you could describe it was ‘right person, wrong time’. Your lives were better with the other in it, but there were too many ups and downs that had gotten in the way of a romantic relationship.

Your mind wandered to the possibility of actually dating him, of being able to call him your boyfriend for the first time since you had met. He wasn’t wrong, you did know all of the nuances of his emotions. You knew him better than you had known anyone in your entire life. When you were younger, there were a million reasons not to date. One Direction was just taking off, paparazzi was everywhere, and he was in a new city every day. You were also both career-driven, a relationship that early on would have gotten in the way. Now, though, the band was on hiatus and he was taking some much needed time away from the prying eyes of the public. Now, a relationship could actually be a possibility.

As soon as the thought crossed your mind it terrified you.

There was a reason you and Niall had stayed friends all these years- the connection you had with each other was undeniable- but you worried that if you tried to pursue something else with him it would ruin all of the goodness between you. You had to stay just friends with him, even if it felt like you were starting to want more.

You needed a distraction, so you refocused your mind on the present.

“Did you eat all the pizza while I was in the shower?” you nudged his stomach with your knee gently.

Niall glanced at you in confusion, processing your words. As soon as he did, his eyes went wide.

“Don’t be mad.”

“I was hoping you’d share but I guess I’m not-“ you were cut off by a loud beeping in the adjacent kitchen, realization hitting after the initial shock of the sound. “Niallllll,” you sighed as you jumped out of his lap.

You ran to the kitchen, shutting off the oven and pulling out the charred remains of what was going to be a delicious pizza. Niall followed quickly, grabbing a hand towel to wave in front of the smoke alarm until it turned off.

“Sorry, pet,” he apologized once the house was once again silent. You stood shoulder to shoulder, sadly gazing at the burnt meal. “You went to shower and it sounded nice so I wanted to take one too. I got distracted and forgot.”

“It’s ok, Ni,” you put a hand gently on his wrist.

“No, it’s not. You worked hard to make dinner for us and I ruined it.” He seemed really upset about it, looking down and away from you instead of his normal attentiveness.

“Hey,” you called gently, “I’m actually, honestly, not mad at you, or upset at all for that matter. I should have remembered too. Accidents happen.”

“Honestly?” he looked up, his blue eyes searching yours for sincerity.

“Honestly. There is something you can do to make it up to me, though.”

“Anything,” Niall perked up eagerly. You reached up to pat him lightly on the cheek.

“You can order delivery from that place across town that I like.” You left him with that, walking back into the living room and getting comfortable again on the couch. You heard Niall talking in the other room, presumably making the call to the restaurant. After a minute he joined you, picking up your legs as he sat down so they were once again resting across his lap. He didn’t say anything until he noticed the way you were biting your lip to fight back a smile.

“What?”

“It’s not funny.”

“We almost burned my house down,” Niall was starting to catch on, the corners of his lips turning up.

“Yup. We almost burned your house down and it’s really not funny.”

Niall watched you struggle to keep your composure, amused, “it’s a little funny.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, you both lost it.

It took you far too long to stop laughing, feeding off of each other’s energy. Once you had finally caught your breath, Niall stood up.

“Delivery should be here in ten minutes, do you want a beer?”

You nodded, watching him walk away.

That man is my best friend, you thought. As soon as the words crossed your mind, your earlier internal battle resurfaced. Sure, Niall was your best friend, but your relationship didn’t necessarily need to stay that way.

It certainly wasn’t how it had started.

“But it feels different when you’re with me”

Chapter 2: BLACK AND WHITE 

[thelastspeecher]

Spirit Touched - Chapter 2: Nuktuk

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6   AO3

I got impatient and posted the second chapter.  Here’s some more tiny Zuko for your soul.  And a chance encounter...

Again, this fic is inspired by @muffinlance‘s fic Salvage and fanart that @agent-jaselin did of it.

——————————————————————————————

              Zuko stood on the deck and breathed in deeply.  The salty ocean air filled his lungs, bringing up the memories of the years he’d spent at sea, making him forget for a moment the cursed situation he was now in.  He was forcibly reminded of his circumstances when he stepped forward and tripped over the still too long shirt he was wearing.

              “Don’t worry, little prince,” Panuk said, “we’re going ashore today to get you some clothing.”  Zuko got up into a sitting position.  He crossed his arms.

              “Great.  More people to see me in this state.”

              “Don’t worry, Nuktuk, no one’s going to think you’re anything but a regular toddler,” Toklo said, walking over to Zuko and picking him up.

              “Don’t pick me up without asking first- wait, what did you call me?”

              “Nuktuk.  Isn’t it cute?  It’s the name my parents almost gave me.”

              “Why are you calling me by a Water Tribe name?” Zuko sighed.  Toklo ruffled his hair, which had grown into a soft layer of black fuzz.

              “Because as far as anyone in this town is concerned, you’re Water Tribe,” Hakoda said, walking over.  “Specifically, a member of the Water Tribe named Nuktuk.”

              “Why?” Zuko asked.  To his chagrin, it came out as a whine, something that had been happening more and more often lately.

              “A toddler on a Water Tribe ship won’t attract attention if that toddler is Water Tribe.  It will attract attention if that toddler is Fire Nation,” Hakoda said.  He took Zuko from Toklo.  “You’ll be coming with me to get clothes.”

              “Why do I even need to come ashore?” Zuko muttered.

              “If I��m getting you clothes, I need to make sure they fit,” Hakoda said shortly, already marching off the ship, Zuko grumbling wordlessly in his arms.

----- 

              “He can wear that out,” the shopkeeper said to Hakoda.  The shopkeeper nodded at Zuko standing nearby in typical green and brown Earth Kingdom clothes.  “I saw what he was wearing when you brought him in.”

              “Yeah, Nuktuk here tossed all his clothes overboard when no one was watching him.”  Hakoda looked at Zuko.  “What was the reasoning you gave for that, again?”  Zuko crossed his arms and looked away, his mind racing.  What would a child say?

              “…I don’t know,” he finally mumbled, failing to come up with something. The shopkeeper chuckled.

              “What a classic kid response.  ‘I don’t know.’”

              Apparently, that was the right answer.

              “Thanks,” Hakoda said to the shopkeeper after he purchased Zuko’s new clothes.  “Come on, Nuktuk.”  Zuko followed Hakoda out of the store.  Hakoda looked down at Zuko thoughtfully.

              “…What?” Zuko asked.

              “When Sokka and Katara were your age, they liked riding on my shoulders,” Hakoda remarked.  Zuko scowled.

              “I’m sixteen.”

              “You’re four.”

              “Hmph.”  Zuko looked away.  “…Are you offering to let me ride on your shoulders?” he asked after a moment.

              “If you want,” Hakoda said with a shrug.  Zuko’s desire to maintain dignity and his childish urges battled.  The childish urges won out.

              “…Yes,” he said quietly.

              “All right.”  Hakoda lifted Zuko and placed him on his shoulders.  “Hold on.”  Zuko grabbed fistfuls of Hakoda’s shirt.  Hakoda began to walk.

              From his vantage point on Hakoda’s shoulders, Zuko could see more than he had since the spirits cursed him like this.  Actually, he could see more than he could even before he was cursed. It was refreshing to be able to see more than peoples’ legs.  They walked past a young woman outside a flower shop.

              “Sir?” the woman called.  Hakoda stopped and turned to look at her.  “Your son is very cute.”  Zuko turned red.  Hakoda chuckled.

              “Thanks.  All his mom.” The woman chuckled as well. Hakoda continued to walk.

              They spotted Kustaa just as he was leaving an apothecary.  Kustaa raised a silent eyebrow at the sight of Zuko on Hakoda’s shoulders.  Zuko blushed again.

              “Let me down,” he instructed Hakoda.  Hakoda didn’t do anything.  Zuko sighed. “Please.”

              “Well, since you said the magic word…”  Hakoda removed Zuko from his shoulders and set him on the ground.

              “That was a wise move,” Kustaa said.  “The town square is just over there, and you’d hate for anyone else on the crew to see you riding the Chief’s shoulders.”

              “Hey, Nuktuk!” Toklo’s voice called.  The men and Zuko looked over.  Toklo stood in the square, waving something Zuko immediately recognized. “I got you those fire flakes you like!” Before the words had even left Toklo’s mouth, Zuko was running over.  He bumped into someone, mumbled an apology, and kept running.  Once he got to Toklo, he jumped up, trying to get the fire flakes from him.  However, Toklo held them just out of reach.

              “Don’t run off like that,” Hakoda scolded as he finally caught up to Zuko. Zuko ignored him in favor of continuing his attempts to get the fire flakes.  Kustaa joined them as well.

              “We should leave,” Kustaa said softly to Hakoda.  “The men Zuko just bumped into were Fire Nation.  They were out of uniform, but it was obvious what they were.”

              “Thank you for letting me know,” Hakoda replied quietly.  He raised his voice.  “Toklo, stop playing keep away.  You and Kustaa take Nuktuk back to the ship.  I’ll wait for the others.”

              “Why?” Zuko asked.  He grabbed the fire flakes from Toklo and began to stuff them into his mouth happily.

              “You’re going to have to take a nap soon,” Hakoda reminded him.  Zuko scowled.  Kustaa took Zuko’s hand and led him out of the square.  Toklo trailed after them.  Hakoda looked around, but didn’t spot the men Zuko had run into. He let out a sigh of relief as he sat on a rock to wait for the rest of the crew.

              It’s a good thing Zuko didn’t attract any attention from the Fire Nation men. Who knows who they were, and what they would have done if they’d gotten a good look at him.    

-----           

              “You see, Lieutenant Jee, when we enter the village not wearing our uniforms, we are treated much better,” Iroh said as they exited the tea shop with bags of blends recommended by the owner.

              “Yes, you’re right,” Jee said with a slight nod.  Like the rest of the crew of the Wani, he was treating Iroh gently after the loss of Zuko.

              “Hey, Nuktuk!” a voice called.  Iroh and Jee looked over.  A young man, Water Tribe, judging by his appearance, stood in the town square with bags of food.  The man waved a container of something that every Fire Nation child would recognize. “I got you those fire flakes you like!”

              Promptly, a young boy, on the cusp of being called a child rather than a toddler, raced past Iroh and Jee, knocking into Iroh.  A man rushed after the boy, who was presumably Nuktuk. Another man stopped in front of Iroh and Jee and smiled apologetically.

              “Sorry that he ran into you.  My nephew can be excitable,” the man said.  Iroh chuckled.

              “No need to apologize!  My nephew was the same at that age,” he said jovially.  The man inclined his head slightly and joined the rest of his companions in the square.  All except Nuktuk were dressed in traditional Water Tribe attire.

              “Rare to see Water Tribe around here,” Jee said softly.  Iroh waved a hand.

              “Leave them be.  They’re clearly a family, probably refugees.  Look at them.”  The young man that had purchased fire flakes was holding them just out of reach of Nuktuk, making the boy jump for them.  Iroh smiled. “They aren’t doing any harm.”

              “Yes, sir,” Jee said.  Iroh watched Nuktuk thoughtfully.  “Sir?”

              “That young boy…he’s been touched by the spirits.”

              “How- how can you tell?”

              “It sticks out all over him,” Iroh said, as if that answer made complete sense.  He sighed. “It’s kind of the spirits to bless someone like him.”

              “…A war bastard half-breed?” Jee asked.  Even from this distance, it was obvious Nuktuk’s skin was too pale, his hair too dark, to be full Water Tribe.  Iroh frowned at Jee.

              “Yes.  But perhaps it would be better to use kinder words when talking about a child,” he said firmly.  Jee merely nodded in response.  “We should board.  We can’t keep Zhao waiting any longer.”  The two men walked away, Iroh glancing at Nuktuk every now and then, his heart heavy with memories of Zuko and Lu Ten.

----- 

              Hakoda knew a toddler bursting with energy when he saw one.  Usually, said toddler wouldn’t hesitate to expend that energy.  But most toddlers weren’t teenagers two weeks ago.

              “You look like you could use a chance to stretch your legs,” he remarked. Zuko, who had been fidgeting nonstop since breakfast, looked up.  Once again, he had been assigned to work on nets with Tuluk, as that was the easiest chore for the former teenager, current toddler.

              “I’m fine,” Zuko said.  He wiggled in his seat, seemingly without realizing it.  Tuluk poorly stifled a laugh.  Zuko scowled at him.  The trademark glare had been taking a gradual decline in efficacy for some time before the spirits intervened.  Now that Zuko was a child, the expression only made him cuter.

              “You’re more jittery than a polar bear-dog with new pups,” Hakoda said. Zuko wiggled again.  “Luckily, you can run off some of that energy when we dock.”

              “I’m not going ashore as a child again.  The first time was humiliating enough,” Zuko muttered to his feeble netting knots.  Hakoda sighed and sat next to him.

              “Your current rules include doing what is necessary for someone your age. It’s not healthy to force a four-year-old to sit still for hours on end.”

              “It’s a good thing I’m not being forced, then.”

              “Are you sure?” Hakoda asked.  Zuko eyed him.

              “No one told me to sit still.”

              “You did.”  Zuko dropped his netting and cocked his head curiously.  It was an expression to be expected from a toddler who didn’t understand how the world worked.  It was less expected from Zuko, whose youthful appearance masked sixteen years of experience.  “You’re forcing yourself to sit still.”

              “But-”

              “I admit, this is the first time I’ve seen a toddler task themselves with behaving so well,” Hakoda continued.  “What I said still applies, however.  Your body wants to run around, but you’re holding yourself in check.” Zuko picked up his netting again. He played with it.

              “There’s not much room for running around on a boat, anyways,” he mumbled.

              “Which is why you’re coming ashore.”  Zuko scowled.  “That’s an order.”

              “…Yes, Chief.”

              In Hakoda’s experience, a toddler forced to stay still for too long would release the pent-up energy in a potentially damaging way.  The likelihood of something breaking went up drastically if that toddler was a bender.  Hopefully, by letting Zuko run off the energy on land, they could avoid any firebending outbursts on their very flammable ship.

----- 

              A few hours later, the Akhlut docked.  Under normal circumstances, they would wait longer in between stopping at ports. But as Hakoda watched Zuko toddle down the gangplank, he couldn’t ignore how painfully abnormal the current circumstances were.

              “Are you coming?” Zuko asked once he was on solid ground.  Hakoda was once again reminded of his own children; that might as well have come from Katara when she was four.  He followed Zuko ashore.  Zuko crossed his arms.  “Now what?”

              “Now we find an open place where you can run around,” Hakoda said, heading for the beach.

              “How long am I expected to ‘run around’?”

              “Generally speaking, children your age only stop when they use up all their energy and literally collapse.”  Hakoda glanced at Zuko.  “Given your situation, however, I’ll be fine with leaving once I notice you slowing down.” Zuko nodded reluctantly.

              “Is anyone else coming?” he asked.

              “No.  We’re near General Fong’s base.  He’s not that pleased with us, so I’m keeping the number of crew who might be spotted by his men to a minimum.”

              “Not even Healer Kustaa?” Zuko asked.  Disappointment shone in his voice.

              “You’ll get to see him soon enough, don’t worry,” Hakoda replied. Zuko pouted.  They continued their walk in silence.

              They hadn’t been walking long when Hakoda began to pick up on the faint sound of children playing.  He looked at Zuko out of the corner of his eye.  Judging by how white his already pale skin had become, the firebender heard as well.  They turned a corner.

              “This looks like a good place,” Hakoda said.  They had arrived at a slightly secluded cove filled with young children and mothers.  The children, ranging from infants to a few years older than Zuko, chased each other across the sand, playing games Hakoda remembered from his own childhood.

              “Good?” Zuko hissed, clearly scandalized.  “There’s- there’s children here!”

              “Yes, and you are one of them.”  Hakoda put a hand on Zuko’s back.  He gently pushed the boy forward.  “Go play with your peers.”

              “They’re not my-”  A girl about Zuko’s age ran past, tapping Zuko on the shoulder.

              “Tag!” she shouted.  Zuko stared after her dumbly.

              “Aren’t you going to play tag?” Hakoda prompted.  Zuko looked down at his feet.  “Do you know what tag is?”

              “…No.”

              “It’s a chasing game.  Whoever is ‘it’ tries to touch someone.  If they touch someone, that new person is ‘it’.”

              “Oh.”  Zuko remained where he stood.  The girl that tagged him came back over.

              “Are you gonna play?” she asked.  Zuko opened and closed his mouth silently.

              “Yes, he will,” Hakoda interjected.  “But he’s a bit shy and he’s never played tag before.  Would you help him, please?”  The girl beamed, showing off a gap-toothed smile.

              “Yeah!”  She looked at Zuko.  “What’s your name?”

              “Nuktuk,” Zuko mumbled.  The girl giggled.

              “That’s a funny name.  C’mon, Nuktuk!”  She grabbed Zuko’s hand and pulled him away from Hakoda, towards the energetic children.

              Hakoda watched for a few minutes, ready to intervene if Zuko was too out of his element.  But as he’d seen happen before, Zuko slipped into childish behaviors easily.  Hakoda took a seat near the group of mothers keeping an eye their children, nodding politely at them before resuming watch of Zuko.

              Watching the former Fire Prince run with the other toddlers, the dull headache Hakoda had since that morning began to fade.  There was nothing to indicate that Zuko was different from his peers.  All Hakoda saw was a young boy enjoying himself.  The rare sight was enough to make him smile.

----- 

              Zuko played for much longer than Hakoda expected.  Most people had left the play area by the time the young firebender called it quits.  Hakoda quickly got rid of his smile as Zuko trod over, rubbing his eyes.

              “Done?” he asked.  Zuko let out a yawn and nodded.  “You looked like you had a good time out there.”

              “Yeah,” Zuko mumbled sleepily.

              “Maybe you should try to run around the deck every now and then?” Hakoda probed.  Zuko yawned again.  “It won’t be as fun as today, but it’s better than nothing.  And we can’t just land whenever you need to blow off some steam.” Zuko merely nodded.  “Would you like to ride on my shoulders back to the ship?”

              “Yes, please, sir,” Zuko said.  His voice was thick with sleep.  Hakoda lifted the tired toddler, gently placing him on his shoulders.  Zuko grabbed handfuls of his shirt and leaned against Hakoda’s neck and head.  Hakoda headed for the way they came.

              Quickly, Hakoda stopped trying to make conversation with Zuko during the walk back to the ship.  All questions received significantly delayed single word answers.  Just as he caught sight of the Akhlut, Zuko began to snore.  Hakoda chuckled.  His buoyant mood vanished, however, as he neared the ship.  Two Earth Kingdom soldiers stood by the gangplank, speaking with Bato.

              “Is there a problem?” Hakoda asked upon arrival.  The soldiers looked over at him, then at Zuko.  Hakoda raised an eyebrow.  “Well?”

              “We were wondering why your ship was docked and didn’t seem to be picking up supplies,” the shorter of the two soldiers said.

              “I was trying to explain to them that we didn’t need supplies,” Bato said. He frowned at the soldiers. “Which shouldn’t merit a visit from the Earth Kingdom Military.”

              “You’re near an important base.  We have to be careful with foreign ships,” the short soldier replied.

              “Our ship is clearly from the Water Tribe,” Bato snapped.

              “Fire Nation soldiers could have captured a Water Tribe ship,” the short soldier said with a shrug.

              “No self-respecting Fire Nation soldier would pretend to be Water Tribe,” Hakoda scoffed.  The four-year-old proof he was lying let out a loud snore.  Hakoda removed Zuko from his shoulders, carefully, so as to not wake him up.  “We had to stop so that Nuktuk could spend some time ashore.  It’s not good for someone his age to be at sea nonstop.”

              “Why do you have a half-breed child on your warship?” the taller soldier asked, speaking for the first time.  Hakoda stiffened.  Before he could respond, Bato came to “Nuktuk’s” defense.

              “Don’t call him that,” Bato said shortly.

              “He is, though.  Anyone with half a brain could tell he’s part Fire Nation,” the tall soldier argued back.

              “His parentage isn’t important,” Hakoda said, trying to keep a level tone. “Nuktuk is Water Tribe.”  The soldiers exchanged doubtful looks.  “To answer your question, he’s the lone survivor of his village.  We stumbled across him as we left the South Pole.”

              “Why haven’t you dropped him off somewhere?” the short soldier asked. “It’s not safe for a child to be aboard a warship.”

              “We haven’t had a chance to visit a Water Tribe village since we picked him up.”

              “The Earth Kingdom has plenty of orphanages,” the short soldier said.

              “We wouldn’t leave a Water Tribe child in an Earth Kingdom orphanage,” Bato said.  “He deserves to grow up among his people.”

              “Should’ve left him in the Fire Nation, then,” the tall soldier muttered. Bato glared.

              “Are you going to let us board our ship and leave?” Hakoda asked before things could continue to spiral.  “Nuktuk needs to be put to bed.”  The soldiers exchanged another look.

              “Fine,” the short one sighed.  The two soldiers walked away.  Once they were out of earshot, Bato turned to Hakoda.

              “What took you so long?”

              “He had more energy than I thought,” Hakoda replied.  Zuko shifted slightly in his arms.  “He really needed this.”

              “I can tell.”  Bato went up the gangplank, Hakoda close behind.  “Did the two of you enjoy yourselves?”

              “Him more than me.  Though it was entertaining to watch him learn common games.”

              “You found some children his age?” Bato asked.  Hakoda nodded.

              “Other than not knowing what tag was, he fit right in with them, too.”

              “Of course he didn’t know what tag was,” Bato muttered.  Hakoda snorted.  “What?”

              “I can see right through you, Bato.  You’re getting soft on Zuko, just like the rest of us.”

              “…Maybe I am,” Bato conceded.  “But if I am, it’s only because he reminds me of Sokka.”  Bato’s eyes widened.  “Oh!  Speaking of Sokka, apparently the Avatar’s sky bison passed over the base not long ago, likely on their way to the North Pole.”

              “Really?”

              “Yes.  The soldiers mentioned it while they were trying to strong-arm me.”

              “At least they didn’t stop.  I would hate to have missed them.”

              “I don’t know about that,” Bato said after a moment.  Hakoda eyed him.  “How do you think we’d explain ‘Nuktuk’ to them?”

              “The same way I explained it to the soldiers.”

              “Katara and Sokka would see right through it.”  Bato ruffled Zuko’s short, fuzzy hair.  “Kid doesn’t know how to act like he’s Water Tribe.  Or how to act like he’s a normal toddler.”

              “Fair enough.”  Hakoda and Bato came to a stop outside the infirmary.  “Who knows how Zuko would react to seeing them, anyways?”

              “Probably with his first temper tantrum.”

              “Ugh.  Don’t remind me he’s at that age,” Hakoda muttered.  Bato let out a bark of laughter.  “Tell the crew to cast off.”

              “You got it.”  Bato strolled away.  Hakoda ducked inside the infirmary.  Kustaa took the sleeping toddler from him.

              “You really tired him out,” Kustaa remarked.  “What did you do, practice hand-to-hand combat with him?”

              “No.  He just…ran around like a kid.”  Kustaa looked at him inquisitively.  “We found a group of children his age.  After they taught him how to play their games, he played with them.  It was like he was a normal toddler.”

              “Hmm.”  Kustaa set Zuko down in his pile of furs, then pulled out a scroll.  He scribbled something on it.  “I’m keeping a log of each time Zuko acts his current age.”

              “Do you think that might help return him to normal, or at least figure out how the spirits did this to him?”

              “It might,” Kustaa said with a shrug.  He put the scroll away.  “I’m trying to collect as much information as I can.  Some of it might be helpful, most of it probably won’t be.  But we’re in uncharted waters, Chief.  I can’t risk deciding a piece of information wasn’t relevant enough to be noted.  It might end up crucial.”  Kustaa gently tucked Zuko in, covering him with the blanket he’d worn around the ship before getting better clothes.  “Hopefully, we’ll come across a waterbending healer at some point.”  The healer looked up, meeting Hakoda’s eyes squarely.  “As far as I can tell, that’s the only way we might be able to return Zuko from a grumpy toddler to a grumpy teenager.”

              “That’s the only way?”

              “Well, there is the possibility that the spirits might decide to stop this test or punishment or whatever it is.  But that’s a very slim chance.”  Hakoda nodded.

              “I’d agree with that.  Tell him to find me when he wakes up.  I’ll give him a new task to do until dinner.”

              “Depending on how much you wore him out,” Kustaa said, “he might not wake up before then.  But if he does, I’ll send him your way.”

              Hakoda exited the infirmary, only to be promptly accosted by Toklo.

              “Chief, did Zuko really play with a bunch of other kids?” Toklo asked, starry-eyed.

              “Yes.”

              “Aw, man!  I wish I was there!  I bet it was adorable.”

              “…It was,” Hakoda said after a moment.  Toklo groaned loudly.  A weight settled in Hakoda’s stomach.  With the chaos of Zuko being touched by the spirits, Hakoda hadn’t had time to tell Toklo about his brother.  He hated to ruin Toklo’s good mood.  But he couldn’t delay it any longer.  “We need to talk,” he said softly, putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder.

              “We do?”

              “Yes.  Come with me.”

----- 

              Zuko sat next to the mast, his arms crossed, desperately trying to stay awake. He didn’t need to go to bed as early as the Chief kept forcing him to, and he was determined to prove it.  His eyes drooped closed.  When someone sat next to him, he snapped his eyes open again. He looked at the person joining him.

              “Oh.  Hello, Toklo.”  Toklo nodded. He was visibly shaken.  Zuko cocked his head, confused and concerned. “Are…are you all right?” he asked finally.

              “…No, little prince.  I’m not.”

              “Oh.”  Zuko placed his annoyingly minute hands in his lap and looked down at them. “Why?”  Maybe it had something to do with why Toklo didn’t join everyone else for dinner.  Toklo never passed up the chance to have Zuko sit in his lap while they ate.

              “Did you know?” Toklo asked quietly, drawing Zuko out of his thoughts.

              “Know what?”

              “About my brother.”

              “You have a brother?”

              “Yeah.  And he’s- he’s-”  Toklo’s face contorted.  “The Fire Nation captured him,” he said in a thick voice.  Zuko’s heart plummeted.  “They tortured him and then they- they killed him.”

              “I- I-”  Zuko was at a loss for words.  He looked around for some guidance.  Everyone on deck was determinedly not watching them.  He swallowed and put his hand over Toklo’s.  “I’m sorry.”  Toklo choked back a sob.  “Do you- do you want to go somewhere less out in the open?” he asked finally.  He couldn’t stand the idea of Toklo losing any dignity over this.  Toklo nodded and stood.  Zuko got up as well.  He took Toklo’s hand and led him belowdeck.

              Those on the deck waited a reasonable time before going down as well. The first to stumble across Toklo and Zuko was Panuk.  They were curled up in Toklo’s hammock, Toklo holding onto Zuko the same way Zuko had held Seal Jerky the first day of being spirit touched.

              “Should we move him?” Panuk asked Kustaa.

              “He’ll be fine for now.  The first time he gets up to pee, he’ll go to the infirmary,” Kustaa said with a shrug. Panuk looked at him.

              “The first time?”

              “Oh, he’s been waking me up at least twice each night so that I can take him to the latrine.”  Kustaa snorted softly.  “At least we don’t have to get dressed and then walk through the snow in the dark like back home.”

              “Yeah.”  Something contemplative flashed across Panuk’s face.  “Zuko wouldn’t be happy if he had to do that.”  He watched Zuko and Toklo sleeping.  Kustaa finally sighed.

              “I’m going to get one last thing to eat before bed.  Do you want anything?” he asked.  Panuk shook his head.  “All right.  Sleep well, kid.”

              “There’s an actual child on the ship, and you’re still going to call me ‘kid’?” Panuk asked.  Kustaa chuckled.

              “Look on the bright side.  At least you don’t have people mothering you like Zuko does.”