#1) sometimes i feel like the fic isn't deep enough

[schnaf]

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[puckstories]

Surrender | Quinn Hughes

Pairing; Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warning(s); Smut (p n v), spanking (once), cursing, use of the term 'good girl', situationship, slight angst, edited once.

Summary; A brutal loss to the Bruins leads to Quinn showing up at your apartment at one am, and subsequently changes everything. Title and fic is slightly inspired by the song Surrender by Kut Klose.

Word Count; 8.8k

Author’s note; This was my first time writing smut! But weirdly, I found it easier to write than fluff..? That being said, hopefully this isn't too bad, and any constructive criticism is appreciated. This morphed into something more complicated and detailed than I originally planned, but I like it nonetheless. Would love to hear any thoughts you have + reblogs are super appreciated. Feel free hit my inbox with anything (: -Honey.

You and Quinn had been casually seeing each other for the past couple of months. It hadn’t been planned, not really. You’d met him at a bar one night—a place with dim lighting and sticky floors, the air humming with laughter and bass-heavy music. One of those rare evenings when the stars seemed to align just right. He was sitting alone, nursing a drink, the brim of his black New York hat pulled low enough to make him look just anonymous enough to the crowd. He’d caught your eye almost immediately, and when his gaze found yours across the room, something about the way he smiled—confident but a little hesitant—had you walking over before you even realized it.

Things had taken off quickly after that. A few drinks. Easy conversation. A kiss outside the bar that turned into more. He was charming in a quiet, unassuming way, and that first night left you with a lingering curiosity about him. Who he was when the spotlight wasn’t on him. What made him laugh, what kept him awake at night. So you kept seeing him. Not all the time, not in any way that felt serious. Just enough to keep the connection alive.

The two of you hadn’t given it a label. You both avoided that conversation like it was a landmine. And maybe, in a way, it was. You weren’t sure if you wanted one. Quinn was busy—the kind of busy that came with being the Captain of the Vancouver Canucks. His schedule was a whirlwind of practices, games, and media appearances, leaving little room for anything beyond fleeting moments of downtime late at night. And you… well, you weren’t ready to completely settle down, not after the way your last relationship had crumbled in slow, messy pieces that you were still picking up. Casual worked. Casual was safe.

Most of the time, anyway.

But even as you told yourself that this thing with Quinn was simple—just hooking up, just having fun—you couldn’t help but notice the little cracks forming in your resolve. The way his laugh made something tighten in your chest. The way you’d catch yourself replaying the way his hand brushed yours in the middle of a crowded street or the soft, sleepy rasp of his voice when he called you late at night after a game. There was something disarming about him, something unshakable about the way he looked at you, like he saw more than you were willing to admit.

You weren’t sure if he felt it, too, or if it was just you overthinking things. After all, he’d never brought up the future, and you’d been careful not to either. That was the unspoken rule between you two: keep things light. But sometimes—when he was kissing you slow and deep, or when he let himself talk about the pressure of wearing the “C” on his chest, his voice quieter and more vulnerable than you’d ever expected—you wondered if casual was really all it was for him. Or for you.

The Canucks lost at home to the Bruins tonight, 5-1. You’d watched from your couch, wincing with every missed opportunity, every puck that found its way past the goalie. It wasn’t just the loss that stung—it was the way the team seemed to unravel by the second period. You’d seen Quinn’s frustration in the tight set of his jaw, the way he skated harder than anyone else on the ice, and the slump of his shoulders every time the Bruins scored. You hated watching him like that, knowing how much weight he carried—not just as a player, but as Captain.

When the final buzzer sounded, you’d grabbed your phone and sent him a quick text: Hey. You alright?

The message stayed unread for a while. And then, sometime after eleven, the little “seen” mark popped up. No reply, and in turn, you got the hint. He wasn’t in the mood to talk, and you respected that. Losses like this were hard on him, you'd found that out early on. Instead of pressing, you sighed, plugged your phone in, and climbed into bed, trying not to let the silence sting.

What you didn’t expect was the banging on your front door a little after one am.

The sound jolted you upright, your heart pounding for a moment. You threw on a hoodie over your nightgown and padded toward the door, trying to shake the grogginess from your head. The knocking came again, sharper this time. When you opened the door, you found Quinn standing there in the dim hallway light.

He was dressed in gray sweatpants and a hoodie, the strings pulled tight, but it did little to hide his messy hair and the lingering flush in his cheeks from the game. Your eyes immediately caught on his lip, the one that had been split a few games ago after a nasty high stick. The stitches still hadn’t fully healed, and the fresh redness around them drew your attention before you looked up into his face.

What struck you wasn’t the exhaustion that usually followed a loss. It was something heavier—a mixture of frustration, exasperation, and something else that made your breath hitch. His hazel eyes held a quiet intensity, a sharp edge of need that made your stomach flutter.

“Hey,” he rasped, his voice low and strained from the act of speaking to his teammates throughout the game.

You blinked, still processing the sight of him on your doorstep. “I texted you,” you say, your voice quieter than you intended, but the weight of his presence makes it hard to sound as firm as you want to. “You didn’t respond.”

For a moment, Quinn doesn’t answer, and his eyes meet yours briefly, before flicking away, as though searching for something in the shadows of your apartment. He doesn’t say a word, just steps forward, his broad frame brushing past you as he crosses the threshold into your space.

He lets the door click shut behind him, the sound heavy in the stillness of the room. Then, he turns, his eyes locking onto yours again with an intensity that sends your pulse racing. He doesn’t speak right away. Instead, his gaze sweeps over you, slow and deliberate, as though he’s taking in every detail: the loose sweatshirt you’d thrown on over your nightgown, the way your hair is slightly messy, your bare feet against the cool floor. His jaw tightens, and something about the way he looks at you makes the air feel heavier, thicker.

“I’m aware,” he finally says, voice clipped, almost sharp, but there’s something under them—something softer, quieter, that you can’t quite name.

“By all means, come in,” you say, your tone dripping with sarcasm as you cross your arms.

He doesn’t bother with a reply. Instead, something in him snaps—an instinct he doesn’t even try to fight.

His hands move fast, gripping your hips with a firm possessiveness that makes your breath hitch. His fingers dig into you just enough to let you know he’s not asking for permission. Before you can get another word out, he steps forward, backing you up with purposeful, controlled force. The edge of the wall meets your back a second later, as he presses flush against you. There’s no space, no hesitation—just him, all hard muscle and raw need, caging you in.

He leans in close, his forehead nearly brushing yours, his breath warm and unsteady against your lips. You can feel the tension radiating off him, coiled tight like a spring ready to snap. “Need you. Now,” he whispers, the words vibrating between the two of you. It’s not a question. It’s not even a request. It’s a demand.

You swallow hard, your pulse hammering in your ears as the heat of his body presses harder into yours. His hands slide up from your hips, one settling at the small of your back while the other moves higher, his thumb brushing just beneath the curve of your ribcage. His touch is both possessive and reverent, as though he’s caught between devouring you and savoring the moment.

“Been too busy for me lately,” you say with a shrug, the casualness of your tone masking the twinge of hurt that’s harder to ignore than you’d like.

Quinn’s grip on your hip tightens at your words, his fingers pressing firmly against your skin as though he’s holding on to more than just you—maybe his own guilt, maybe his frustration. His jaw tenses, but when his eyes meet yours, you see the softness creeping in around the edges. He wants to say something; you can see it written all over his face, but the words don’t come. Instead, his grip loosens slightly, his hand dropping lower, brushing along your thigh.

Without a word, he lifts your leg, gently hooking it around his his. The movement is slow but claculated, sending a jolt of heat through you as his body presses closer, the fabric of his sweatpants brushing against your bare skin. He shifts his weight, grinding up against you with enough intention to leave no doubt about what he’s feeling—or what he wants. His hand rests at the back of your thigh now, his thumb stroking your skin absently, but his eyes never leave yours.

“You know how it is,” he mutters finally, his voice low and rough, an excuse and a half-apology tangled into one. “The team. Home games. It’s been… a lot.”

You raise an eyebrow, but don't push. “Yeah, I know,” you reply, your voice calm but edged with something sharper. “You guys got whacked tonight.”

The words leave your lips before you can think better of it, and the second they do, you see the change in his expression. His eyes darken, the dejection that was there moments ago replaced by something sharper, something simmering just below the surface. His jaw tightens again, the muscle there ticking as he presses his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t need the reminder. He already knows.

“Don’t,” he mutters, his voice low and strained, but there’s an edge in it that sends a ripple of tension through the air. You open your mouth, maybe to push further, maybe to soften it with a tease, but you don’t get the chance. Before you can say another word, Quinn’s hands are suddenly moving up to your waist. He grabs you with a firm, almost desperate grip, and in one swift motion, he lifts you clean off the ground. A surprised gasp escapes your lips, your hands instinctively flying to his shoulders as he pulls you tight against him. The hard plane of his chest presses flush against your body, and you can feel the tension radiating off him—the frustration, the lingering adrenaline from the game, the sharp need to shut everything else out.

“Quinn—” you start, but your voice wavers, the rest of the sentence dissolving when his eyes meet yours.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he hisses, his voice rough, laced with frustration and something more primal. His words are both an explanation and a command. He doesn’t want to think about the game, the loss, the disappointment—it’s written all over him. He needs a distraction, and right now, that’s you.

He doesn’t set you down. Instead, he starts walking, carrying you through the dimly lit hallway toward your bedroom. The way he moves is deliberate, controlled, but there’s an urgency in the way his grip tightens slightly on your waist, as though holding you this close is the only thing keeping him steady. Your legs wrap around him, and you hold onto him instinctively, your heart pounding harder with every step.

When he reaches your bedroom, he doesn’t hesitate. Quinn leans down, lowering you onto the bed with ease. The mattress dips under your weight as he releases you, but his hands don’t leave your body. They slide to your hips, pinning you in place as he hovers over you, his broad frame blocking out everything else.

Quinn’s eyes trail over you, unhurried, drinking you in like he’s committing every inch of you to memory. His gaze burns as it moves from your eyes to your lips, and then down, raking over your body like a slow caress. The heat in his expression makes your skin prickle, anticipation coiling low in your stomach. His body hovers just inches above yours, close enough for you to feel his warmth but far enough that it makes you ache for the weight of him against you.

His hands move slowly, his fingers grazing your sides as they find the hem of your hoodie. He pauses for just a second, his eyes flicking up to meet yours as though silently asking for permission. When you give a small nod, barely noticeable but enough, he takes hold of the fabric and begins to pull it up, his knuckles brushing against your skin as he lifts it over your stomach, then your chest. His touch is light, but the way his eyes darken as he reveals more of you sends a shiver down your spine. “Too many clothes,” he mutters, the words are more for himself than for you.

The black satin nightgown clings to you, its thin straps sliding slightly off your shoulders. The soft fabric shimmers faintly in the dim light, hugging your curves in a way that makes his throat tighten. His jaw clenches, his hands hovering for a moment as if he’s not sure where to touch first. His fingers finally settle at the strap on your shoulder, pushing it down slowly, deliberately, his thumb brushing against your skin. The contrast of the cool satin and the warmth of his hand sends a jolt through you. "Gorgeous." He murmurs.

Your breath catches at his words, but before you can respond, his lips find the exposed skin just above the neckline of your nightgown, his breath warm and ragged against you. He presses a slow, open mouthed kiss there, his hands sliding down to your waist as he pulls you closer, his body finally pressing against yours. His lips trail lower, brushing along your collarbone, as his hands slide back up, slipping under the hem of your nightgown now. His fingers splay out against your bare skin, calloused from years of hockey but impossibly gentle as they explore. He pulls back just enough to look at you again, his gaze searching yours, a silent question lingering in the air. His thumb strokes your hip in small, absent circles, like he’s waiting for you to tell him to stop—or to keep going.

“Quinn,” you murmur. Your hands come up to rest against his chest, your fingers curling into the fabric of his hoodie. His heart pounds beneath your palm, fast and unsteady, matching the erratic rhythm of your own. “Please.”

That’s all he needs. With a low groan, he dips his head, capturing your lips in a kiss that’s slow and consuming, like he’s savoring every second. His hands roam your body now with more certainty, the hesitation from earlier replaced with an unrelenting hunger. The feel of him, the weight of his touch, the heat of his breath—it’s all too much and not enough at the same time.

He pulls away with a low curse, his breath warm and unsteady as he tilts his head back slightly. A wince flickers across his face, his hand instinctively brushing over the stitches on his upper lip—the ones cutting across the soft curve of his cupid’s bow. The kiss has aggravated them, pulling at the tender, partially healed skin. His jaw clenches, the frustration obvious in the tight set of his features, but he doesn’t move away from you. If anything, he lingers, his body still hovering over yours, his eyes locking onto yours like he’s grounding himself in the moment.

"Careful." You warn, your fingers reaching up to lightly trace the scruff on his jaw.

“I’m fine,” he mutters, but his voice is rough, tinged with annoyance—not at you, but at the injury that’s getting in the way of what he wants.

Taking the opportunity, you tug gently at the hem of his hoodie, your hands curling into the soft fabric. He looks down, his eyes following the movement of your hands as you gesture, silently telling him you want it off. There’s no hesitation this time. He straightens slightly, pulling the hoodie over his head in one fluid motion, the fabric lifting to reveal the lean, pale skin of his torso. The garment lands somewhere on the floor, forgotten along with yours, as he leans back down, closer to you, his hands bracing themselves on either side of your head. “Better?” He murmurs.

Your hands drift to the waistband of his sweatpants, your fingertips brushing against the soft fabric. "Almost." Your eyes never leave his as you speak, holding his gaze with a quiet intensity that makes his breath hitch.

His lips curve into the faintest smirk, and without hesitation, he shifts, moving from hovering over you to falling back onto the bed beside you. The mattress dips under his weight as his hands go to his waistband, pushing the sweatpants down his hips with an easy, practiced motion. He kicks them off in one fluid movement, the boxers following close behind. The rustle of fabric hitting the floor is faint, but the sight of him—completely bare now—propped up on an elbow, looking at you, steals your attention entirely.

Leaning up to reach over, you place your hands on his shoulders, your palms firm as you give him a gentle shove. He lets out a soft grunt as his back hits the mattress fully, his lips twitching into a faint smile at the sudden assertiveness. You slip off your panties, before shifting your body, swinging your leg over him until you’re straddling his hips, your knees pressing into the mattress. His hands instinctively move to your waist, but you grab his wrists, pinning them lightly to the bed on either side of him. His eyebrows lift slightly, the hint of a challenge in his expression, but he doesn’t fight you. Instead, he lets you guide the moment, his muscles relaxing beneath your touch. The heat of his skin beneath you is intoxicating, and the way his body responds—his chest rising just a little faster, his hands twitching under your grip—sends a rush of confidence through you.

“Didn’t expect this,” he remarks, with a quirk of his brow. “Not that I’m complaining.”

You lean forward, your hands releasing his wrists as you plant them firmly on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your palms. “I figured you wouldn’t,” you reply, easygoing. Your lips hover just above his, close enough for him to feel your breath but not close enough to touch.

You pull back slightly, just enough to sit upright, your chest rising and falling as you catch your breath. Your hands move quickly to the hem of your nightgown, lifting it over your head in one fluid motion. The soft fabric slides over your skin before landing somewhere on the floor. Left in nothing, you feel the heat of Quinn’s gaze immediately, his breath hitching audibly as he takes you in.

“God,” he mutters under his breath, almost immediately. His hands are on you in an instant, strong and certain as they find your waist, his fingers pressing into your skin.

You lean forward, your hands braced against his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your palms. His breath comes faster now, shallow and uneven, as you dip your head, your lips brushing along the sharp line of his jaw. You move slowly, deliberately, your kisses soft and wet, trailing from the edge of his jaw to the corner of his mouth, then lower.

Quinn lets out a low, quiet hum, his head tilting back slightly as you continue your path. You stop at his chin for a moment, pressing a kiss there, before shifting lower, your lips grazing the stubble along his neck. He smells faintly of clean soap and something deeper, distinctly him, and the warmth of his skin beneath your lips makes your stomach flutter. When your lips finally find the hollow of his throat, just above his Adam’s apple, you pause. You can feel the way he swallows hard, the slight movement under your mouth making the corner of your lips curve into a soft smile. You press a lingering kiss there, letting your breath fan over his skin as he exhales sharply.

“Jesus,” he mutters, his voice breaking slightly as one of his hands slides from your waist to the curve of your lower back, pulling you just a fraction closer. His other hand remains firm on your hip, his thumb brushing small, absentminded circles into your skin. The way his body responds to you—the tension in his muscles, the slight tremor in his hands—sends a rush of confidence through you. You pull back just enough to look at him, your lips still close enough that your breaths mingle. His eyes are half-lidded now, filled with an unspoken hunger that makes your pulse quicken.

"Condom." His voice is low, more of a murmur than a demand, lips brushing against your ear. You freeze for a moment, your breath catching. The haze of the moment dims slightly as you wrack your memory. Had you restocked since your last night with Quinn? The answer surfaces slowly, and you wince.

"I think... I’m out?" you admit, the words hanging awkwardly in the charged air.

He lets out a deep, frustrated groan, his head falling back against the pillow with a dull thud. For a second, you catch the faintest flicker of irritation crossing his features before he covers it with a hand over his face, exhaling sharply through his fingers. “Dresser, bottom drawer,” he grumbles, his voice thick with both need and annoyance, one hand waving vaguely toward your dresser. His eyes remain half-lidded, trying to be patient, though the tension in his shoulders tells you how much it costs him.

You shoot him a questioning look, eyebrows raised, silently asking, “How?” When did he ever put something there? You search your memory, replaying countless moments, but you can't remember ever seeing him even glance at your dresser, let alone touch it.

“Get a move on,” he mutters, the rough edge of his voice slipping into something of amusing. Before you can say anything, his hand meets the curve of your ass with a sharp slap. The sound cracks through the quiet room, startling in the stillness. It doesn't hurt—it’s more of a firm tap than anything—but the unexpectedness of it sends a jolt of electricity racing up your spine. A gasp escapes you, sharp and breathy, your body jerking slightly from the impact.

Heat rushes to your cheeks, both from the sting of his hand and the sudden pulse of excitement that follows. You hesitate for half a second, feeling the lingering tingle on your skin, before he speaks again. "Now."

You don't have to be told twice, and slip out of bed, feeling the cool floor beneath your bare feet as you make your way to the dresser. With a small exhale, you crouch down and pull open the bottom drawer. There they are—just as he said. A small pack of condoms, tucked neatly beside a few of Quinn’s clothes—shirts and boxers, soft and well-worn—mixed in with your own things. You pause for a second, staring down at the sight, the familiarity of his clothes blending into your space, like they’ve always been there, unnoticed. When had he made this little home in your drawer, this quiet claim on your space?

Your fingers graze over the edge of the condom box as you take it, your mind lingering on the thought. You tear open the packaging with a swift pull, the soft crackle of plastic breaking the silence, and pull out one of the foil-wrapped condoms. As you close the drawer, you find yourself glancing back at the pile of his clothes, some hidden piece of domesticity that tugs at something inside you. A small smile flickers at the corner of your lips, but you push the thought aside. This was supposed to be casual.

Standing up, you turn back to him, the foil packet cool against your palm. He’s watching you from the bed, propped up on his elbows, his gaze heavy-lidded but intent, like he’s sizing up your every movement, reading your thoughts before you can voice them. His expression is almost lazy, but you catch the sharp edge of amusement in his eyes, the hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

“When did you even do that?” you ask, your voice colored with curiosity, as you gesture slightly toward the drawer, toward his clothes.

“I’ve been leaving stuff here for weeks,” he adds, with a small shrug, as if it's no big deal. “Thought you might’ve noticed it by now.”

Your lips part slightly, caught off guard by how casual he is about it, and yet… there’s something warm beneath the surface of his words. Weeks? How had you not noticed before now? The thought stirs something in your chest—a mix of amusement, maybe a bit of something deeper—but you brush it off, again, focusing on the moment at hand. You could question him later. And you would.

You toss the condom onto the bed, watching it land beside him. “Well, I guess I was distracted,” you reply.

You walk back over to the bed, your steps relaxed, feeling the weight of his gaze on you the entire time. The air between you hums with tension, thick and electric. He reaches for the condom without breaking eye contact, tearing the foil with an effortless flick of his fingers. The soft sound of the wrapper splitting seems to echo in the stillness of the room. His gaze falls as he rolls the condom on, then it’s back on you, a heat in his gaze, the kind that feels like it's pulling you in, drawing you closer even before you move. His lips quirk into the faintest smirk, and he tilts his chin, nodding down toward his hardened length, silently requesting for you to come to him.

You swallow, feeling the thrum of anticipation in your chest, and climb onto the bed. As you move closer, he watches every shift of your body, the way your knees press into the sheets, the way your breath hitches as you settle over him. His hands find your waist, strong and sure, fingers digging into your skin with just enough pressure to ground you. The touch is possessive, and it sends a shiver racing down your spine.

With his guidance, you straddle him, your thighs bracketing his hips. The heat of his body presses into yours, and you can feel his cock, warm and firm, grazing the sensitive core of your heat as you position yourself over him. The sensation makes you gasp softly, your body reacting instantly to the contact. His grip tightens, steadying you, his fingers flexing slightly against your hips as he adjusts you over him, his control over the moment palpable.

You begin to move, your hips rolling in slow, teasing circles as you grind against him, both of you feeling the sweet torment of the moment. The friction is electric, his cock sliding against your slick heat, but you’re holding back just enough to keep him wanting more. A quiet moan escapes your lips, your body already responding to the tension coiling tighter between you. You see it in his eyes too—the need, the frustration that’s been simmering all day. You can feel the way his body tenses beneath yours, his jaw tightening as he fights for control. His hands on your hips grip harder, fingers digging into your skin, trying to take control, but you resist for just a little longer. His chest rises and falls sharply, and you can hear the slight edge of desperation in his breathing.

It’s driving him mad, the way you tease him like this—hovering so close, yet not quite giving him everything. The heat between you is thick and tangible, and you can feel the pulse of his need pressing insistently against you. Finally, you let your hand slide down between your bodies, wrapping around him with a firm, confident grip. His breath hitches at the contact, and you catch the way his teeth sink into his bottom lip, the last traces of his composure fraying at the edges.

With one fluid motion, you guide him to your entrance, the tip of him pressing against your wet heat. You pause for just a second, holding him there, and his eyes lock with yours, something raw flickering in his gaze—desire, hunger, but also something deeper, something that makes your breath catch.

Then, slowly, you start to lower yourself onto him, your body taking him in inch by inch. The sensation sends a wave of pleasure coursing through you, a slow burn that builds as you sink down, feeling him stretch and fill you. The low groan that rumbles from his chest is primal, guttural, like he’s been holding it in for far too long. The sound vibrates through the quiet room, echoing off the walls as his head falls back against the pillow, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as he loses himself in the feeling.

“Fuck…” he breathes, the word almost a growl, his voice thick and rough with need. His fingers tighten even more on your hips, almost bruising now, like he’s trying to steady himself, to keep from letting go completely. You can feel the restraint in his grip, the way he’s barely holding back, his body trembling slightly beneath yours as he fights the urge to move, to drive himself deeper into you. The tension in him is almost unbearable, a raw ache that’s been building all day, and now that you’re finally here, finally giving him what he’s craved, it’s driving him to the edge.

You pause when you’ve taken him fully, letting your body adjust around him, feeling the heat and intensity of him buried deep inside you. His breath comes out in a harsh, ragged exhale, and you can see the effort it takes for him to keep still, his chest rising and falling heavily as he tries to relax. But you can feel it—how hard he’s holding on, the way his muscles tense under your touch, the way every fiber of him is straining for control.

“You feel so fucking good,” he murmurs, voice rough, almost broken. His eyes open, locking onto yours again, and there’s a fire in them now, a silent plea for more, for everything.

You begin to move, slowly at first, your knees pressing into the mattress as you lift yourself up, then lower yourself down onto him again, savoring the delicious friction. Your hands splay across his chest, fingers digging slightly into his warm skin as you steady yourself, feeling the solid rise and fall of his breath beneath your palms. His heartbeat is strong and quick, a rhythm that matches your own building pulse.

As you start to swirl your hips, a soft moan escapes you, the sound almost involuntary. The sensation of him filling you, stretching you in just the right way, sends a ripple of pleasure coursing through you. You let the feeling take over, guiding the way you move, each rise and fall of your body becoming more fluid, more certain. Slowly, you find your rhythm, building up a steady, intoxicating pace that makes the heat between you grow even more unbearable.

Your moans become a little louder, a little needier, the pleasure mounting with every roll of your hips. You can feel his body responding beneath you, the way his muscles tense and flex as he fights to maintain control. His hands grip your waist, fingers pressing into your skin, but it’s his face that betrays him—the way his mouth falls open, lips parting as he lets out a low, breathless sound, his eyes locked onto you with a mixture of awe and lust. The moment your moans fill the space between you, something in him shifts.

He bucks his hips up into you, unable to stop himself, his need overriding his restraint. The sudden upward thrust of his hips sends a shock of pleasure through your body, making you gasp and falter for a second, your hands pressing harder into his chest as you steady yourself. His eyes cloud with hunger, and he lets out a sharp exhale.

“Good—mhm—good fucking girl,” he murmurs, his voice escaping as a strained groan, almost a growl. His hands slide up your sides, guiding your movements, urging you to go faster, to match the heat and intensity that’s starting to take over. His grip is firm but tender, the friction between your bodies building with each passing second.

You pick up the pace, letting your hips roll and bounce with more confidence now, losing yourself in the rhythm. The sensation of him deep inside you with every thrust is overwhelming, and your soft moans turn into breathy whimpers as the pleasure rises higher. His body moves beneath you, his hips bucking up into you more insistently now, matching your rhythm, sending waves of ecstasy rippling through your core.

Each time your body comes down to meet his, he fills you completely, hitting that perfect spot that makes your toes curl. The tension between you is almost unbearable now, every movement pushing you closer to the edge. You can feel his chest rising and falling faster under your hands, his breathing ragged as he stares up at you with a look that’s half-lost in pleasure, half in disbelief at how good it feels.

His name slips from your lips in a soft, breathless moan, and the sound seems to undo him even more. His fingers dig into your hips harder, his own breath escaping in harsh, uneven bursts as he bucks up into you with more force, more desperation. You feel the heat coiling tighter and tighter in your belly, the ache building with every movement, every touch.

"I'm... I'm close," you gasp breathlessly, your voice trembling with the intensity coursing through your body. Every movement, every sensation feels electric, pulling you closer to the edge.

Quinn’s eyes lock with yours, his own pleasure evident in the way his chest rises and falls unevenly. A low moan slips from his lips, almost as if in response to the desperation in your voice. He nods, his breath ragged, but before you can even process the shift, he’s already moving—gently, but decisively, sliding you off of him and onto the bed beside him. The sudden absence of his cock leaves you aching, but he doesn’t let the moment linger.

Without wasting a second, Quinn positions himself over you, his body hovering above yours. His eyes briefly flick over your face, as if to make sure you’re still with him, still as lost in this as he is. Then, with one smooth motion, he slides back inside you, filling you completely once more. The sensation of him re-entering your pulsing heat draws a sharp gasp from you, and your back arches instinctively off the bed, your body desperate to meet him.

His thrusts are deep, slow, and calculated, each one hitting the perfect spot inside you, drawing out soft whimpers that you can’t hold back. He leans forward, bracing his hands against the headboard behind you, giving himself more leverage to move freely. His body presses close, skin against skin, his muscles taut and trembling with restraint as he drives into you, deeper with every stroke. You can feel the headboard rocking slightly under the pressure of his movements, the soft creak of wood blending with the sound of your ragged breathing and the rhythmic slap of your bodies meeting.

His pace quickens, his thrusts growing more urgent, more purposeful, as he watches you, drinking in every moan, every gasp that spills from your lips. The heat between you is unbearable, a fire that threatens to consume you both. Every stroke sends shockwaves of pleasure through you, your body tightening and pulsing around him, the pressure building higher and higher until it feels like you’re about to shatter.

Quinn’s breath hitches, and his low groans grow deeper, almost vibrating through his chest as he thrusts harder, the strain in his arms evident as he fights to keep control. You can feel the intensity radiating off him, the way his body trembles with the effort to hold back, to keep you both on this edge for just a little longer.

Your fingers grip the sheets beneath you, twisting them in your hands as you feel yourself spiraling closer, the tension coiling tighter in your belly, threatening to snap at any second. His name escapes your lips in a breathless whisper, and the sound seems to push him even further. His movements grow rougher, more desperate, his hips slamming into yours in a steady rhythm that pushes you higher and higher.

“Cum for me,” he murmurs, his voice rough, barely holding together as he lowers his face closer to yours, his breath hot against your ear. His words are a command, but they’re also a plea, filled with the same urgency that’s overwhelming both of you.

And then it hits—you fall over the edge, your body tightening around him as waves of pleasure crash through you, your moans turning into cries as your climax surges, overwhelming and blinding. The world around you blurs as every nerve in your body lights up, the release so powerful it leaves you quivering beneath him.

Quinn groans deeply as he feels you come undone, your body clenching around him, and his rhythm falters for just a moment before he drives into you again, harder this time, chasing his own release. His hands grip the headboard tighter, his knuckles white as he thrusts a few more times, his breath coming out in harsh gasps.

Finally, with a guttural moan, he shudders above you, his body tensing as he reaches his peak. His hips still as he pulses inside you, his face buried in the crook of your neck, his breath hot and uneven against your skin as he rides out the last waves of pleasure. For a moment, the room is filled with nothing but the sound of your labored breaths, your bodies still locked together, hearts racing in unison. Quinn stays there, hovering above you for a moment longer, his forehead resting against yours, the intensity of what just happened still lingering between you.

Then, with a soft exhale, he gently pulls out of you, collapsing beside you. He pulls you close, your bodies pressed together as you come down from the high.

The two of you lie there in the quiet, the aftershocks of pleasure slowly fading as your heartbeats begin to sync. The only sounds in the room are your breaths, gradually evening out, and the faint rustle of the sheets as you shift slightly beside him. Eventually, you break the quiet, your voice soft but still a little breathless. "I’m gonna go pee."

Quinn makes a small sound in acknowledgment, nodding lazily as his hand slides from your waist. With a slight groan, he reaches down to take off the condom, hissing softly from the loss of contact, as he pulls it away from his sensitive skin. He ties off the condom and hands it to you, his fingers brushing against yours for a moment. You take it from him, and rise from the bed.

You pad into the bathroom, the cool tile underfoot a welcome contrast to the warmth of the bedroom. After discarding the condom, you use the bathroom, then and glance at your reflection for a brief moment in the mirror while washing your hands—your skin flushed, your hair slightly tousled from the heat of the moment. Reaching for a washcloth, you wet it under the warm tap, wringing it out just enough before heading back into the bedroom. The light is still dim, casting a soft glow over the room, and you find Quinn exactly where you left him, lying on his back, his eyes closed now, his chest rising and falling steadily.

His eyes flutter open as he hears you approach, a lazy smile tugging at the corner of his lips. You don’t say anything, and neither does he. There’s no need for words in this moment—it’s a kind of quiet that feels easy, natural, like the two of you have slipped into a space where every gesture speaks for itself. With careful hands, you lower yourself beside him and gently take hold of his cock, wiping him clean with the warm, damp cloth. His body reacts instinctively to the contact, a slight twitch beneath your touch, but not from arousal this time—more of an involuntary response, a shiver at the sensitivity of his skin in the aftermath. His eyes close again, his breath steadying as you rid him of the residual stickiness.

When you’re finished, your fingers brush over his thigh one last time before you pull back, standing up from the bed. After throwing the cloth in the bathroom hamper, you're back beneath the sheets, your body naturally gravitating toward Quinn. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close, his fingers lightly tracing circles on your back. You snuggle into his chest, exhaling a sigh of content.

There’s a long, comfortable silence between you, the kind that makes the world feel small and intimate. And if it weren’t for the absence of soft snores, you might have thought Quinn had drifted off, his breathing slow and steady beside you. The warmth of his body is a comforting weight next to yours, and you let yourself relax into it, your fingers idly tracing the soft flesh of his stomach, enjoying the closeness.

"My parents are visiting." his voice breaks the stillness, just above a murmur.

His words hang in the air for a moment, unexpected, almost hesitant. You hum softly in response, not looking up, your fingers continuing their gentle path over his skin, rubbing slow, lazy circles. "Mhm."

Quinn lets out a quiet sigh, one that feels heavy, like there’s more he’s trying to say but can’t quite find the words for. He shifts slightly beside you, the mattress dipping under his movement. "That’s why I haven’t been… over much," he continues, his voice a bit tighter now, almost apologetic.

You pause, your hand resting against his stomach for a moment before resuming its soothing motions. "You don’t have to explain yourself," you reply softly, keeping your voice steady. It’s the truth—you’ve told yourself that from the beginning. The two of you weren’t dating, not officially, not in any way that came with expectations or obligations. It was a casual fling, a connection that didn’t require labels or promises. At least, that’s what you told yourself when this all started. No strings. No expectations.

And yet, despite those rules, there’s a quiet ache that twists in your chest when he offers excuses. He doesn’t owe you anything—you know that. He’s free to come and go as he pleases, to keep his distance when he needs to, to disappear for days if he wants. But the explanation, the half-apology, suggests he thinks he does owe you something, or at least that he feels guilty about being away, and that stirs something complicated inside you—something you’d rather not look too closely at.

You glance up at him through the dim light of the room. His face is partially in shadow, his expression hard to read, but there’s a tension in his features that wasn’t there before. His eyes are focused on the ceiling, distant, like he’s thinking too hard about something he doesn’t want to talk about. It makes your chest tighten slightly, an involuntary reaction that surprises you.

"You’re allowed to have a life outside of this," you add after a moment, trying to keep your tone casual, unaffected. "Outside of us. We're not dating." The word us feels strange in your mouth, and for a second, you almost regret saying it, like it carries more weight than it should.

Quinn’s eyes flick down to meet yours, and for a second, something shifts in his gaze—something softer, maybe even regretful. His lips press into a thin line before he speaks again. "I know." His voice is quiet, thoughtful, like he’s processing something he hasn’t quite figured out how to say yet. "But I didn’t want you to think I was… avoiding you." His hand moves then, sliding up to rest gently on your arm, his thumb brushing against your skin in a gesture so small and tender it feels almost out of place.

You swallow hard, your throat tightening at his words. "I wouldn’t have thought that," you say, though you’re not entirely sure it’s the truth. The uncertainty in his voice has unsettled something inside you, stirred up feelings you’ve worked hard to keep buried, feelings you shouldn’t have in a situation like this. You were supposed to be fine with the distance, with the lack of commitment. But now, lying here in the quiet darkness with him beside you, it doesn’t feel so simple.

Another silence stretches between you, this one heavier than before. You let out a slow breath, trying to shake off the thoughts swirling in your head.

"You don’t have to explain anything to me, Quinn," you repeat, trying to sound as steady as you can. "I know what this is." The words taste bitter on your tongue, and you’re not sure who you’re trying to convince—him or yourself.

But Quinn doesn’t respond right away. Instead, his hand moves again, this time reaching up to cup your chin, gently turning your face toward him so you’re forced to meet his gaze. His eyes search yours for a long moment, making your pulse quicken in a way you don’t expect. The intensity in his expression catches you off guard, and for a second, you forget how to breathe.

"I’m not so sure I do," he finally says, his voice barely more than a whisper.

You blink, unsure how to respond, unsure if you even want to. There’s a part of you that’s terrified of where this conversation might lead, of what it might mean if you dig too deep into the feelings you’ve both tried so hard to ignore. But another part of you—a part you’ve kept buried for too long—is desperate to know what he’s really thinking.

His gaze is locked on yours, unwavering, and you can see the conflict flickering behind his eyes—like he’s fighting with himself even as he speaks. It makes your heart race, the intensity of the moment, the weight of what he might say next.

“What are you saying?” You ask, your voice quieter than you meant it to be, edged with a hesitation you can’t quite shake.

Quinn exhales a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again, and when he speaks, his voice is low, almost like he’s afraid of what he’s admitting. "I can’t stop thinking about you," he says, his words rushing out, unfiltered. "And I—I know we agreed to nothing serious, but I can’t help how I feel."

You nod, silently urging him to proceed. "I thought I was fine with no strings." he continues, his eyes flicking down for a moment, as if he’s afraid of what he might see in your reaction. "I really did. But… you’ve been on my mind. More than I want to admit. And every time I’m not here, I’m thinking about when I can be. Hell, I just played the worst game of the season, and all I could think about was coming over to see you."

You weren’t expecting this. You had convinced yourself that this was just a fling, a temporary thing that lived within the boundaries you’d both agreed upon. But now, here he is, confessing feelings that you’d told yourself neither of you were supposed to have, feelings you’ve been trying to bury since this started. Your heart thuds loudly in your chest as his words sink in. You don’t say anything for a moment, partly because you don’t know how to respond, and partly because a part of you had been waiting for this—for some sign that what you’ve been feeling wasn’t one-sided.

"Quinn…" you start, but his name comes out as more of a sigh than anything else. He looks at you, his eyes searching yours, waiting for your response, his vulnerability hanging between you like a thread pulled too tight.

He opens his mouth to speak again, his voice softer now, more tentative. "I’m not saying I want to change everything right this second," he murmurs, his eyes dropping down to the space between you, like he’s afraid to meet your gaze fully. "But I just—I had to tell you. I can’t pretend like it’s nothing anymore. Not when it feels like this." His words trail off, thick with emotion.

You can feel your heart pounding, a mix of relief, fear, and happiness swirling inside you. His confession is something you’ve thought about—something you’ve secretly wanted but never let yourself hope for. You know the risk of getting too close, of crossing that line, but the way he’s looking at you now, like he’s baring a piece of his soul, makes it impossible to ignore what’s been growing between you both.

Your fingers tighten on the sheet, your breath catching in your throat as you try to process everything he’s saying. You weren’t prepared for this moment, for the way your chest tightens at his words, for the way hope flickers inside you despite everything you’ve told yourself. Part of you wants to push it away, to keep things safe and uncomplicated, but the other part—the part that’s been secretly wanting more from him—can’t help but lean in.

"You weren’t supposed to feel this way," you say, your voice a little shaky, as if saying it out loud might make it easier to understand. "We weren’t supposed to let it get this far."

He nods, a half-smile tugging at his lips, but it’s filled with resignation, not humor. "I know," he admits softly, his gaze lifting to meet yours again, and for the first time, you can see just how much this is weighing on him. "But I did. And I don’t know what to do with it."

The honesty in his voice, the rawness of it, sends a wave of emotion through you that you weren’t expecting. You’ve both been dancing around this for so long, keeping things casual, keeping the walls up, but now it feels like those walls are crumbling, and you’re both standing there, vulnerable and unsure.

For a moment, you just stare at each other, the weight of everything unspoken hanging heavy in the space between you. You can see the nervousness in his eyes, the way his chest rises and falls unevenly as he waits for you to say something—anything—to break the tension. You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, your mind racing. This was supposed to be simple, you remind yourself. No strings. No complications. But now, as you look at him—really look at him—you realize that it hasn’t been simple for a long time.

"I don’t know what to say," you finally admit, your voice barely above a whisper. It’s the truth. You’ve been trying so hard to keep your own feelings in check, to convince yourself that this was just physical, but hearing him say what you’ve been afraid to even think makes everything feel so much more real. So much more dangerous.

"You don’t have to say anything right now," Quinn says softly, his voice gentle, almost like he’s giving you space to process. "I just… I needed you to know. I can’t keep pretending like this doesn’t mean something to me."

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat as you process his words. You’re not sure what happens next—what this means for both of you—but as you lie there, tangled in the sheets, the air between you thick with uncertainty and unspoken emotion, one thing becomes clear: this is no longer just casual. Not for him. And, if you’re being honest with yourself, not for you either.

[sillyhahasilly]

caldre nsfw headcanons under cut.

(plz don't heavily interact if ur like under 16, ik I can't control it but yk.)

their first was initiated by cal and reciprocated by andre.

it happened well after they started planning zd, well after they realized how alike they are. by then they had already bared their truest self out to eachother. all their violent and fucked up desires, so why not keep going?

they were having one of those conversations, talking about their mental health and desires to die and cause harm and getting very emotionally intimate. I think andre said some shit like, I've never been this real with someone before. you're are the only person who knows me. really knows me. so, cal js fucking kisses him. a deep and incredibly desperate kiss, like he was starving. andre backs out and he js stares, wide eyed, at cal. and cal is so scared. that is the first time andre saw cal look scared.

andre kisses him back and they don't stop. cal climbs on top of andre, swinging his leg over him in an attempt to get closer. he's sitting on andres lap and both of their hands are all over eachother. both of them get hard embrassingly fast, and one of them accidently grinds on the other. they both stopped when that happened, shocked. andre would start to say how this isn't right or he isn't gay, so cal would reply, do you want to stop? obv, andre says no. so then cal would be like, great, fuck it. and then they'd be back all over eachother, grinding and making out. bc of how worked up cal was he'd come first, but not by much. afterwards, they were both surprisingly giddy. but they did need to awkwardly wash some jeans.

tdlr: their first time they both grinding on eachother and came in their own pants. js two desperate, hormonal, teen boys.

☆

they have a fucking codename for having sex. smth stupid, but sweet. I got this from a fic, and in it they called it "syncing". I feel like andre def started calling it that, cuz he's the one into military shit. they use it so they don't need to say it, and they can kinda distance themselves from what they are doing bc of how shamed gay sex was. internalized homophobia and all that. I feel like they would also be so afraid of zd being blamed on their sexuality so so much, so this small thing would add js another layer of protection.

this ain't nsfw really, but it's like they live a secret life with eachother. they act differently together around others then they do in private, like a code switch. they are always hiding in daylight out of shame.

☆

cals sex drive is either 1 or a 100. when he wants it, he wants it. he can get so desperate. once he greeted andre in the school hallway by whispering, "youre going to fuck me tonight." and then js acted like he didn't say anything bad.

when andres the one who wants it bad, he gets whiny. he will literally beg cal to let him be inside him, he'll say shit like "I'll be quick, I'll make you feel so good." after, he'll lowkey pretend that he didn't js beg like a dog. cal teases him for it. sometimes he'll purposefully work him up to that point.

(also if it ain't obv, andre tops and cal bottoms. BUT I can see them switching like once, but I feel like andre wouldn't like how gay it would make him feel.)

☆

they take anger and frustration from everything out on eachother during sex. andre got thrown into a locker and called a fag?? he will fuck cal hard and ruthless into the mattress to be in primal control of smth. cal is mad at humanity cause he spent another function quiet and resevred in the corner? he pushes andre around and leaves bruises everywhere.

they will talk abt violent fantasies of things they want to do to enemies and humanity during sex. yeah.

they have def talked abt how great zd is gonna feel and how they will be like gods while fucking.

☆

cal likes to be hurt during sex. bruises, bites, he loves getting bitten. he enjoys purposefully not doing enough prep so it hurts for a little bit.

andre likes to bite and bruise. match made in heaven. he does also enjoy pain, but not as much as cal.

tw sh!!! there has been times when andre will purposefully irritate cals healing scars. it's up to u to decide if they got freaky enough to cut eachother during sex.

☆

right after, andre gets really affectionate compared to how he normally is. he cuddles and hugs cal close to his body and does shit that he'll call gross and cringe normally like kiss him on the check.

sometimes tho, cal will get weirdly sad and quiet after sex. andre will try his best to talk to him abt it, (which isn't vv good) but they never really do. it's his depression and the drastic fall from pleasure to normal, kinda like the freaky version of feeling sad after hanging out w a friend for a long time.

☆

and ermmm. that's it. I did not mean for this to be this long but I guess reading gay porn fics way to young payed off <3

[n3ptoonz]

Idk man, I think I’m gonna need to see you write how Raiden, Kenshi, Syzoth, Tomas, and Liu Kang behave when giving and receiving body worship 😏

oh...oh 😏

first half is bullet points and the second is blurbs bc my brain likes to stop working for some reason

suggestive, fluff elements under the cut, THIS WAS SO HARD TO FORMAT HOLY i'm sorry for taking so long!1!1?3? i hope this isn't ass🗿

When giving body worship:

Raiden

is nervous at first. so many things he wants to say, so many things he wants to do. you'd have to guide him at first but he quickly takes over as he gets the hang of it

he'd have you facing him because he wants to start from head to toe, taking extra time inspecting your face and kissing all over it

i can see him going as far as kneeling to get into what he likes about your lower body starting at your torso. if you have some type of tummy going on he's gonna sit there and knead at you like a cat (totally not self indulgent 😹)

Kenshi

makes it his mission. i'm referring back to my kenshi fic with this cause there's body worship in it

it don't matter what you look like or how secure/insecure you are in regards to your body, he's having you stand in front of a mirror and will shamelessly glide his soft tatted hands over the exact parts he adores

he praises you the entire time. physicality, personality, the things you do for him, how you've personally helped him and didn't realize, every. single. thing.

Syzoth

gets lost in the moment. i feel like he's a very emotional guy and lover to the point where he would prob almost cry (yall saw how fast he fell to his knees in the story) talking about the things he adores about you

don't even get him started on your body. he doesn't really understand the concept of body image, but he got the idea to worship yours because he found it so unique. like he's genuinely intrigued

expect him to leave bite barks on the places he likes the most, it's how his folks show love. his eyes would be sparkling and everything

Tomas

whispers sweet nothings. he LOVES giving body worship. he was always the kind of person who admired others quickly, and that especially included you

he's whispering/murmuring all types of cute things in your ear as you rock back in forth in his strong arms (lord god help me) whether you're facing him or not. "...to your lips, oh how i love your lips..." is definitely the cadence he's going for

it's actually pretty funny to think about him innocently talking about your body and innocently touching/grabbing at certain parts and then gets to like your ass and he's like "and this ass of yours...i could never grow tired of it." like 😭 what happened to pretty eyes mister?! (kidding you can say that again 😝)

Liu Kang

knows exactly what to do. If you're lying down, there's no part of your body that goes without a kiss. i mean literally no part of your body

he loves every single part of it, and he makes sure you understand that without a doubt. he'll make comments about almost everything

it surprises you sometimes how he's able to come up with such sentiments for something as simple as a knee or elbow, but it surely gets the job done

When receiving body worship:

Raiden is super shy. Whether you copy what he did or if it was for the first time and you gave him praise the whole time, he's a nervous wreck. It happened while you were straddling him and telling him how impressed you were with the work he put into his body, running your hands down his bare chest and peppering kisses all over him. The deep blush on his cheeks weren't nearly enough to tell you how much he appreciated you and your kind words.

Kenshi went from shy to letting his ego get fed a little bit. He values physical touch and quality time so much, and this was the perfect combination. He obviously wasn't expecting this, so at first he playfully brushed it off. Then once you started to really show and tell what you liked about him, you could see his eyebrow raise and the smirk on his face grow. He'd hold your face or hips while you did it, just to keep himself grounded and in the moment.

Syzoth didn't know what to do. He just...stood there. You could see the visible shock on his face, but clearly this was only because things like this didn't happen in the Zaterran world. Especially when you'd worship literally both forms, this is a newfound concept to him. Normally people are afraid of his natural form. But no, you showing love to all of him brought happy tears to his eyes.

Tomas was also very shy. He's confident in his abilities and clearly took the time to perfectly sculpt his own body for combat, but he never really thought about his own looks. So your intense focus and worship towards his physical appearance had him in awe. To the point of littering hickeys on the parts of his body nobody would be able to see but him made him all giddy and excited in and outside. In fact, he'd ask you to do this more often!

Liu Kang didn't really know how to respond at first. He appreciated your efforts, really. You decided to surprise him after you hadn't seen him in a while. He'd smile down at you using some of his techniques and kissing down his body starting from his forehead. Eventually he gets used to your way of showing affection and you'll physically see him melt under your touch.

[sturn-wrld]

🏮🪼nsfw alphabet

summary: i think title kind of explains it

genre: very suggestive!!! if that makes you uncomfortable dni!

warnings: suggestive

a/n: day 1 of smutmas!!

masterlist

---------------------------------------------------------

a - aftercare (what they're like after sex)

i feel like matt is excellent with aftercare. cleans you gently, runs you a bath, carries you to the bathroom, gets you a snack if you want it, cuddles with you immediately while whispering soft praises into your ear. he's just the best.

now chris tries his hardest to help but he doesn't always know how to. he will bring you a towel, he'll ask if you want to cuddle or bring you water but he's trying.

b - body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partners)

i feel like neither chris nor matt have a favourite body part on but hear me out, matt is a tits guy and chris is an ass guy. no questions asked.

matt's favourite body part of his own would have to be his stubble just because it's your favourite. when he's eating you out his stubble adds another level of satisfaction and he has caught onto this for sure.

i think chris would have similar reasoning to matt as to why his fingers or back would be his favourites. when his fingers are knuckles deep inside of you and your scratching his back raw he just thinks he is in heaven.

c - cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

matt is very respectful when it comes to cumming on (or inside of) you. he only really cums wherever your comfortable with. he definitely loves cumming inside you you though.

now chris is a major head guy so any chance he gets he is cumming in your mouth or on your face. there is no convincing me otherwise! also i feel like he would love cumming on your back.

d - dirty secrets (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

we all know matt is OBSESSED with reading the little smutty fics but i feel like he takes inspiration from them. also if you were also in the public eye he would read fics written about you.

i feel like chris would have a pair of your panties or one of your bras or something that he could on when your not around. and tbh he probably isn't even that secret about it around you

e - experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

matt knows what he's doing. you can tell he isn't a virgin in the best way possible. i feel like he would know exactly what to do to get you going and how to use his dick AND hands to his advantage.

i don't think chris is a virgin but i also don't think he is a sex addict. i feel like it's the perfect middle where he has fucked enough to know how to have sex but he isn't having withdrawal symptoms when he hasn't had sex for a day.

f - favourite position (the title explains it enough)

matt lovessss when you ride his cock. he loves seeing your tits bounce up and down as you ride him until he starts fucking up into you chasing his high.

because chris is an ass guy, he is obviously also a doggy man. he loves slamming into hard from behind, watching your ass jiggle and slapping it at his free will.

g - goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

matt is the perfect blend of serious and goofy. he is serious when he needs to be but makes jokes and laughs with you when something happens or when there is an appropriate window to.

chris is silly with everything so why would that change in sex? he is almost constantly goofy in sex, that is until either of you are reaching your climax and that is when he starts being a little more serious.

h - hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

matt doesn't like to be completely bald. 'it looks weird' is his reasoning. so he has a hair that he sometimes forgets to groom but when he does it, it is short.

chris doesn't really like hair but also he doesn't like the feeling of being bare so he has hair but is neatly groomed.

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

while matt does have his days where he just needs to let steam off and fuck 9 out of 10 times he is an angel during sex. he loves doing all the 'cliche' things, like lighting candles or playing a playlist he made. on top of that he loves giving you compliments the whole time.

chris loves to deny that he is lovey during sex but lord is he. he loves doing most of the work and letting you relax during but he definitely has the times where he is pent up and just fucks you like crazy.

j - jack off (masturbation headcanon)

matt NEEDS you. all. the. time. if you aren't able to come over he will beg you to facetime and help him but if you are too busy he is definitely pulling up the videos and photos he took of you.

chris is similar and prefers you to do it but if you aren't available he is pulling up the videos of and the ones you guys made and sending you videos of him doing it instead.

k - kink (one or more of their kinks)

matt definitely has a praise and a begging kink. his praise kink goes both ways. he loves telling you how good you are doing for him or how he loves what your doing. he also loves when you tell him how good he is doing and how good you feel. his begging kink is really only when you are begging him to do what you want. he isn't the type to beg.

chris definitely has a slight pain kink (nothing past slapping) and/or overstimulation. him being the biggest ass guy, LOVES seeing your ass jiggle and the sound is music to his ears. he also loves fucking you to the point where tears are almost swelling out of your eyes but he doesn't do it too much because he is scared he will hurt you.

l - location (favorite places to do the deed)

matt does not like public sex at all really so his favourite place is definitely either of your beds. probably your bed more just because there is a very minimal chance that you guys get caught as there is no one to catch you.

chris doesn't mind some public sex here and there to a certain extent but nothing too wild. maybe a restaurant bathroom or in the car but nothing too wild where people may see. his favourite place by far though is the bathroom counter. he loves bending you over the counter right after edging you in the shower.

m - motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

matt's main types of motivation are kisses and clothes. if you kiss him in the right place (just below his ear or the back of his neck) he is bricked up and ready to go. if you wear some of his favourite clothes (tight clothing tbh) he is ready when you are and is pushing onto the closest bed.

chris loves when you wear his clothes a little too much. he can't deal with the sight of you wearing his oversized hoodie or his sweatpants without almost creaming his pants. he also loves when you touch him in anyway. even if your just rubbing his shoulder or touching his hair he is about to bust.

n - no (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

i think matt and chris agree on shit and piss being a huge no. even if you were obviously joking they would reconsider who they are fucking.

i feel specifically matt also wouldn't be into food stuff either. i feel as if he has pretty vanilla kinks himself but wouldn't mind if the other person had kinks besides his no's.

chris doesn't like the thought of a threesome just due to the fact that he has to share you with someone. he is way too possessive for that shit.

o - oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

don't get me wrong matt loves giving you head, rubbing his stubble along your sensitive areas and pleasing you but he LOVES getting head so much. he loves seeing you work for it and it turns him on even more seeing you work so hard.

chris loves giving and receiving equally. he would love giving you head for hours and hours because he loves seeing you so pleasured, squirming around and not being able to keep still AND he's good at it. but when it has been a long stressful day or week he loves to kick back, relax and get some head. he would even start face fucking you from how good you make him feel.

p - pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

because matt knows how to make you go crazy during sex he knows mixing it up is perfect. he will always start slow and time his thrusts perfect for your body but i feel like as it progresses he would go faster and slower when it seems you need it. he definitely prefers fucking you slow and controlled but definitely deep and rough at the same time.

chris similarly starts slow and fastens over time but if he's extra needy or you've been teasing him he will start off fucking you like a maniac and not stopping until you beg.

q - quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

matt doesn't specifically love quickies a lot. he loves his intimate, slow sex more than anyone else but when it comes down to it if your waiting in a parking lot and you just happen to be bouncing on his lap for 5 minutes he's not gonna argue.

while yes, chris loves a slow, nice fuck, he loves the thrill of having to fuck you quickly before an event while his brothers are waiting down in the car. 'sex is sex' is one of his favourite sayings.

r - risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

when it comes to experimenting during sex, matt loves to experiment within his and yours boundaries as to not weird either of you out and he doesn't like close to any risks. he doesn't really like to even fuck when his brothers are in the house to not risk them walking in on you.

you and chris were once very risky. literally once. the one time you were risky matt almost caught you guys and nick did catch you guys. this swore off any riskiness forever.

s - stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

matt can't last more than one or two rounds most times due to how much energy he puts into making you feel good. he spends so much time focusing on fucking you deep and slow and edging you just right that once he does cum he is absolutely ruined.

i feel like chris could last up to three rounds. not crazy but not nothing. he doesn't put in as much effort or energy as matt but he is definitely trying his hardest to not cum before you and to make you feel good.

t - toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

matt definitely owns a vibrator to use on you but doesn't use it much. he much prefers to do it himself and tbh he doesn't like when you suggest to use the vibrator because he feels like he isn't good enough. he might also own a few for himself.

chris might own a couple basic ones for you but i don't think he owns any for himself. even though he owns toys for you i don't think he uses them at all. he prefers to do it himself but when you wanna use a toy he doesn't mind, he just sits back and watches.

u - unfair (how much they like to tease)

i feel like both the boys LOVE LOVE LOVE to tease. chris is definitely more of a public tease but matt can get you going.

matt loves to tease you to make you beg for him. he loves to push you to your absolute limits to where you are pretty much jumping on top of him.

chris flirts and teases all the time. if you guys are simply sitting next to each other he has a hand on your thigh either rubbing his thumb back and forth or rubbing his whole hand up and down. more specifically if your sitting behind a table he will slowly trail his hand up towards the top of your pants or under your skirt and reach his hand into your panties and then just pull his hand straight back out.

v - volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

matt isn't screaming like a girl but he is definitely letting you know how good you make him feel. he loves praising you and being vocal about how he feels. he also definitely groans and pants a lot.

chris is really vocal. he is groaning and grunting the whole time and sometimes might even let out a few moans. when he is close he is definitely telling you and saying how good you are. he knows it drives you crazy so he may even do it on purpose.

w - wildcard (a random headcanon for the character)

matt loves sending you videos of him fucking himself with your panties wrapped around his dick to get a praise back. he is also sending it to try and almost lure you to come fuck him.

chris loves to take you lingerie shopping to watch you try them on. he follows you into the changing rooms and fuck you right in front of the mirrors. this is where he gets all of his good mirror pics of you guys.

x - x-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

matt knows he has a big cock and how much you love it. it's not big in length (it's probably just above average length) but it's thick. because if this he knows how much you love when he fills you up just right.

chris is the opposite. yea he has some girth to him but oml is he long. he definitely can hit all the good spots not effortless making you crazy over his cock.

y - yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

matt is the type of dude that if he could fuck you everyday he would but due to you guys actually having lives he is happy with 3-4 times a week and the others he's on facetime with you with his dick out.

if chris could fuck you every second of everyday there is no doubt that he would. he is always horny just because of how attracted he is to you. you could he. the most childish, cute smile on in a photo and he can feel himself getting hard.

z - Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

matt makes sure you are fully clean and hydrated before he even thinks of himself so while you are snuggling up in his bed he is quickly but surely cleaning himself up before sliding into bed and waiting for you to fall asleep before he does.

while chris isn't fully helping with the cleaning situation, he is not falling asleep before you. in cases where neither of you fall asleep. he stays up and chats with you until you eventually give in to sleep.

[mojowitchcraft]

🎃 STEDDIEWEEN RECS👻

STEVE’S FIRST BRUISE @cairparavel Not Rated | Words: 47k | Chapters: 7 | Complete

eddie’s new roommate sure does get into a lot of fights. a spider-man!steve story. or 6 bruises of steve’s + 1 of eddie’s.

🕸️ Listen, I LOVE Spidey-Steve, and this fic is SO GOOD. Not super Halloween-heavy but has some cute Halloween moments within the fic. Plus I just love Spidey-Steve being obsessed with Lush and their seasonal bathbombs.

saw myself shine brightly in your eyes - deadratz Rated: E | Words: 5k | Chapters: 1 | Complete

It was mostly Robin’s idea. It was partially Eddie’s idea. Robin said she knew the guy through someone else who knew someone else, which is usually how parties this big tend to go. It was also very last minute. ** Steve gets dragged to a last minute Halloween party. Eddie finds him hiding away in the laundry room and decides to keep him company.

🧛Hot lil Halloween Smutty Oneshot! 

Excuse me, Nurse? My dick isn't breathing, it needs CPR. @appledaggerstRated: E | Words: 9k | Chapters:1 | Complete

"He saw it there on the floor of Eddie’s closet. Robin and him were there to pick Eddie up for a party and the man had been arguing with Robin about what tapes to bring, her point being that no one was going to let him play any of his music anyway. Steve had been distracted by the dumb VHS tape. It was sticking out from under a magazine with a peeling label that had the word "NURSE" in all capitals." Steve finds a porn tape in Eddie's closet and decides to bring it home.

🏥Eddie in a nurse costume, need I say more?

A Chainsaw and Community Service - @eddywoww Rated: E | Words: 11k | Chapters: 1 | Complete 

Eddie gaped at him for a moment, rubbing a hand over his face like Steve's dad did sometimes. When Steve said something kind of stupid. "It's gonna be a weird month, Harrington."

👻Steve & Eddie working at a haunted house together, so cute and fun…then smutty 😈

Kids Like Us - hibud Rated: E | Words: 19k | Chapters: 1 | Complete 

Eddie hadn’t meant for things to end up this way – had just wanted to flirt a little and fuck with the guy. But seeing Steve blush like that; the way he’d responded to Eddie? He just had to know. Wanted to taste him, to feel him. Wanted to know what he sounds he could pluck from him, self-assured promises of no more straight guys be damned. Eddie felt sure, deep in his bones (in his balls), that if he signaled to Steve after the show, Steve would follow. And Eddie would signal. Or, Eddie moved to Indianapolis after graduation, ready to leave his memories of Hawkins in the past (where they belong). But when he gets the call to perform a Halloween show at the Hideout, he knows it’s too good of an opportunity to turn down. He’d been expecting a decent enough turnout – it was Halloween, and what else was there to do in a place like Hawkins? Definitely hadn’t been expecting Steve to look so goddamn appealing in that stupid Top Gun costume.

🎃 Eddie Munson dressed as Frank N Furter, need I say more? This whole series is great and I’ve rec’d it before but I love this installment starting out with Halloween fun and smut!

[hgejfmw-hgejhsf]

Fic Writer Interview

So I decided to snag this from @sparklepocalypse and fill it out because I'm cozy on my couch on New Year's Eve and fighting off a nap like a grumpy toddler. I'm actually fairly certain I've done this one before, now that I think about it, but oh well. The numbers are different since last time, so...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, apparently! 61 being posted later today!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

178,579

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ghosts

Do we still have forever

Volume Control

Retaliation

Modification to the map of you

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to each and every comment that I receive. I try very hard to leave a personalized message for each person, but no matter what, even if it's just a "thank you," I will always respond! Even if it takes me some time!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

To this day, the angstiest ending is Darkest before the dawn, which ends with hope, even if it doesn't end with an actual resolution. It's during canon, so the reader know what happens next.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think my most recent Christmas fic, Oh what a laugh it would have been, has probably now overtaken one of my previous fics for overall happiest ending!

7. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, but I'm absolutely open to it given the write parameters!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I haven't yet, and I hope I never do, although I know that the internet can be a wild place.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

If you'd asked me back in July of this year, I would have said that I primarily write fade to black. Since then, I've written ridiculous amounts of smut. I'm still learning about various kinks I'd like to write about, because I don't want to just write without knowledge of the act itself, but I'm wading into the smut-verse now. I'd say the water's up to my knees, at this point. Got a ways to go.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, not that I've been made aware of, but I think it would be so neat.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't but catch me and @thinkof-england cowriting something amazing now that the new year has arrived.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Y'all are gonna need to sit down for this. I don't think you're ready. Deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slowly. Calm your mind. Are you ready? Okay because I know this is going to come as a shock to you when I say that it's FirstPrince.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Star Trek fic with Jim Kirk x an OC. I started it back in the spring and then RWRB happened and now it's just languishing away in my docs at just shy of 18,000 words.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I have realistic dialogue, so I'll count that as a strength. I also think I'm pretty skilled at metaphors. Love a good metaphor.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

The description of surroundings, including clothing and scenery. I feel like I don't do enough of this sometimes, and I'm trying to better at painting a proper picture.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done so! Lots and lots of research and consultation with native speakers to confirm accuracy.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pirates of the Caribbean, apparently.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

There isn't really one out there. I'm super content with the permanent campsite I've built in FP land. Hopefully I'm allowed to hang out there for quite some time.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

How am I supposed to pick a favorite out over 60 fics?!

I suppose if I absolutely HAD to pick right now, right this second, I'd say Ghosts, because the prompt for it as my first ever reader-submitted prompt on a comment from another fic. The reader enjoyed my fic so much that they asked if I'd write another, and Ghosts it what came of that interaction. I loved writing it and sharing it not just with that reader but with the fandom as a whole.

Gonna post my tag list for anyone who wants to participate!

@adreamareads @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @duchessdepolignaca03 @gayrootvegetable @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indomitable-love @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @kiwiana-writes @leaves-of-laurelin @leojfitz @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @magicandarchery @ninzied @priincebutt @read-and-write- @rockyroadkylers @roseharpermaxwell@ships-to-sail @songliili @ssmtskw @statueinthestonetoo @stereopticons @suseagull04 @thinkof-england @tintagel-or-cockleshells@user-anakin @vanillahigh00 @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @whimsymanaged @wordsofhoneydew 

[bardengarde]

I hope you struggle with this ask game as much as I did. Love you.

BJ: 3, 20, 22

Hawkeye: 1, 2, 6, 12, 24

God Shan you said you were going easy on me then I reviewed the questions.... I wish I had an emote here for BJ's sarcastic smile. Love you too though, and augh.... *cracks knuckles* BJ Hunnicutt

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Already this isn't fair, because you know me, you know my blog title, you know my beliefs. ...The entire episode of "Hanky Panky" though. I hate that he cheated on Peg (while still recognizing the significance of it to his character arc, and the archetype he fulfills). It was a hard fall when I got to that episode for the first time. I was rooting for him, we were all rooting for him. And the fact the date the episode released on is so close to my birthday- it felt like a targeted attack.

There are maybe other things..... won't share them here though, y'all stay safe.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Assuming I'm meant to answer other than Hawkeye since they're canonically best friends, I really would have liked to see his and Klinger's friendship expand more. I love the banter they have, they seem to get along great, and even if Klinger isn't a dad in the show I feel like he has dad energy and I feel like they'd be really stoked to show each other pictures of their kids in the future and be excited for one another and the milestones their kids reach. I'll stop myself before I go too far off on the deep end with headcanons, but I think their dynamic is often fun and sweet and would love to see it explored more.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

To be so real with you, I've not read enough fics to have a good answer for this- like down to details. I guess my thing is knowing that BJ is a very complex characters with multiple layers- I feel like I'd get annoyed if I read a fic that took a very fanon approach to BJ and made him like a malicious liar type, which I don't think he is at all. Or if he was boiled down to jealousy or anger issues. That said, I love reading a fic where someone can nail his sense of humor or puns.

Hawkeye Pierce

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Why DO I like him, honestly??? I'm rewatching the show from the beginning rn and god.... I landed on this guy??? Echoing your answer when I asked you, he's definitely very complex and I am always learning new things about him/ coming to a different understanding in my interpretation of him. I really appreciate his character arc and what Alan Alda did with his character; I appreciate his views on him as well. I'm also drawn to characters where just about everything happens to them, and god Hawkeye might have pioneered that trope /hj

I'd also argue that I like Hawkeye so much because he's so much unlike the majority of my favorite characters previously. Traditionally, I've been more drawn to serious, academic characters, or charming and romantic, or softer and gentler, or even clean-cut types, and Hawkeye is.... different, to say the least. Not to say he's not capable of some of those qualities... sometimes, but he's... just vastly different than say Aramis, Enjolras, Riza Hawkeye, Peggy Carter, Philippe (mitim), and so on, and so on...

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hah.... This is also hard.

I like how imperfect he is. I would personally think of him as a good person (I say while wincing a bit), but I think more accurately he is a person who is trying to do his job to the best of his ability in one of the worst possible circumstances. And he tries to help people who are being mistreated along with it, and while standing up against idiocy and injustice, and being firm in his pacifism.

Despite that, he's sleazy, disrespectful, sometimes outright mean, and overall probably not someone I would want to be close friends with in real life. (At least, not at where he is in my current re-watching of the show.) He's not a 'saint in surgical garb'; he's a person. A very flawed person. And I like that. I like him. 6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I don't think I can answer this without getting too deep with it. Let's just say I like to think I'm funny sometimes.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I know none of these are new to you Shan, but you'll hear them again!!!

-I think one of Hawkeye's favorite ice cream flavors is Rum Raisin. I think he also likes splitting a banana split with someone else (as a kid- with either of his parents, does it on dates sometimes, etc)

-I'm purposefully twisting a line given in the show about him having a 'pet' stuffed owl, and saying he had a stuffed owl toy as a kid named Hooty.

-I think his favorite color is red.

-I have a very important headcanon to myself that after his mom passed away, he was given a lot of extra care and love by the moms of a few of his friends in Crabapple Cove. One would send along an extra packed lunch with their kid to make sure Hawkeye had something to eat at school. Another stopping him to fix where his hair looked a mess and straighten his shirt for him. And so, so many hugs and endearments. None of this was done because they thought that Daniel Pierce was neglectful or couldn't take care of Hawkeye, but because Daniel was grieving as well and they wanted to help where they could and ease some of the load off Daniel's shoulders with not only him becoming Hawkeye's sole guardian, but also while still being the towns doctor as well- while he's trying to pick up the pieces and get back on his feet.

I like to think even as an adult when Hawkeye sees one of his friends mom's who had helped taken care of him, he still runs up to them and gives them a big hug. :,)

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Hehe, there's the rub because I don't know if I have one. Mayyyybe Grantaire since I have Les Mis on the mind today, but not reallyyyyy. No offense to Grantaire but Hawkeye is a lot more competent and cares a lot more about things. But drunk, comical, not straight, in love with a blond- that checks out.

[desceros]

Hi!

So, if you don't mind me asking, what's the meaning behind Symphony 25's chapter title?

i don't mind. that said, i'm going to put it under a cut because 1. it's a longer analysis and 2. i'm heavy on death of the author and like people to interpret things in their own ways, so i'm going to have this be an "optional" bit of meta. it's word of god, but whatever that means to you as a reader of my fics is your choice.

the chapter title for 25 is mr.kitty's "hollow." as i've said before, sometimes the chapter songs are by mood, sometimes it's because the song itself appears in the fic, and sometimes it's for the lyrics. this is a case of the latter.

so it's a song largely from alopex's point of view, though some of them are viola-chan about her. i'll go by the different parts and extract their meanings as i interpret them.

When hearts collide The blood will flow To end the pain I'll let you go

alopex and viola-chan ended their relationship after a fight, including actual physical violence in one instance that, while not intentional, did cause physical harm (the blood will flow). this passage refers to viola-chan deciding to bury her feelings about alopex down deep (to end the pain/i'll let you go) but also to alopex deciding to end the relationship so that the pain of being with someone who makes her feel inferior can stop.

How is it I know Where you've gone for so long?

this in my head is alopex watching viola-chan in her performances and being close enough to see, but not close enough to reach back out. it's closely paired with the following line:

Hollow is my ghost That will haunt what you've done

which is appropriate both for alopex's impact on viola-chan's life (affecting how she interacts with people, how she isolates herself, how she approaches romance with donnie and friendship with leo); but also viola-chan's ghost haunting alopex. to what degree she's processed what she did to viola-chan, how much blame she takes, how apologetic she really is is not yet clear in the fic. but what is clear, i hope, is that she is far from free of guilt. she is, in a manner of speaking, haunted by viola-chan.

the two lines repeat over and over and over again through the song and form the chorus. it's for this reason that it feels so crucial to alopex's character; over and over and over she thinks about viola-chan, their relationship, and what to do about it. in-text, viola-chan is referred to as "The Ex." not an ex. the. this is because of the incredible impact viola-chan has had on alopex's life, and her current relationship with sinclair. i imagine she and sinclair would have talked about the ramifications of the breakup thoroughly, which, in a way, allowed alopex to process things in a way viola-chan has never been able to do.

(what affect that has had on the way she sees her relationship with viola-chan will be explored in-text in future chapters. heehee.)

Into the light We'll rust to dust Clarity feels As clear as us

clarity feels as clear to us as dust. the light rusts. lines that indicate that although truth is sought, it is neither found nor healing. this speaks to the way that viola-chan receives alopex's side of the story... but it feels incomplete. there isn't a lot of emotional catharsis from it.

but also, the same is true of alopex. we see in-text that she's troubled by viola-chan's lack of response. what was she seeking? it's not clear yet in-text, but it is clear that she was looking for something and didn't get it.

so yeah! that's the meta on the chapter song. as i said, i always like seeing what other people think, and you're totally open to disagree or interpret things differently. :D

[mister-eames]

1/? If you wrote a thesis on Arthur and Eames I would literally carry it around in my pocket & read it daily, so I’m begging you!! Please don’t spare your 5k essay on why you think Arthur thinks he doesn’t have a chance with Eames!! I Wanna know your thoughts on this!! Because I think it’s a combination of elements. Firstly I think initially Arthur truly believes Eames doesn’t like him. They’re too different. Arthur is everything Eames isn’t & vice versa. & even tho the saying goes “opposites

2/? attract”.. sometimes you just clash & that’s that.. I think at first he also mistakes Eames playfulness, his snark, quips & attempts at riling Arthur up as genuine condescension & disdain. I also read once in a fic where Arthur made a comment about how nobody likes the pointman cos at the end of the day it’s his job to pick apart everybody else’s work & point out the weaknesses. So the idea that a guy like Eames, who as a forger has one of the most creative/artistic roles in dreamshare. --- 3/3 would be interested in a guy whose role often involves probably telling people to tone it down... yeah. Not gonna happen. & then I think there’s that fear of mixing business with pleasure. The idea of ruining such a great working partnership by bringing something as messy as FEELINGS into it? I think that’s something that would make Arthur not even entertain the idea of ever having anything more with Eames because how could he ever risk losing Eames as a work partner?

---

Aha, are you ready? Obvs these are all just my headcanons, and that the beauty of inception is that the characters can be who we want them to be, all interpretations are valid, etc etc...

So, with Arthur and why I think he thinks doesn't have a chance with Eames. You're right that it's a combination of elements:

I think, at his core, Arthur like, all of us, carries some kind of emotional bruising when it comes to loving and being loved. And like, all of us, Arthur does not think he's perfect. He has self-perceived flaws. Every single one of us, as human beings, has insecurities - even Arthur. I think he uses all of the surface, logical, 'rational' arguments like not wanting to mix business and pleasure to justify not actually addressing these hurts and insecurities.

You know my personal headcanon for Arthur, generally speaking canonically, is that he did not come from money. He grew up poor with a parent that wasn't, say, well enough to be there for him the way a child would need. That he was the caretaker in the household most of the time.

And, bear with me here, on Arthur caring about his looks - Arthur is buttoned up to all hell not because of vanity, but because of how he will be perceived--- he wears his suits less like armour and more like a weapon. Arthur, to me, is scrappy, not defensive.

But despite how he presents himself, deep down Arthur still is that fourteen year old version of himself, the one that lashed out everyone Eventually, he learned to control that anger, the one that showed everyone else where he was wounded -- but he never addressed the ways he was hurt, or the parts of him that has always been deeply lonely. As an adult he isn't keen on loving anyone else because it's always been a one-way transaction. He does not know how to interpret loving someone and being loved in return. For him, what does that even look like? Arthur doesn't want to love anyone because he's never received the same output of love he gives out. And maybe he thinks something is wrong with him, for feeling affection the way he does and never truly getting it back in kind - platonic, familial or romantic.

So he wears his weaponry to keep people from getting too close to touch, figuratively speaking. And maybe Eames takes him on face value for a beat too long.

While I don't really consider Arthur and Eames to be opposites, I do think they are flip sides of the same coin. They share a basic foundation, beliefs, ethics - but can also clash where they combine. It's like when you just... get someone on a basic level, like you share a frequency without needing years of getting to know them. Like when you meet someone and you just know you must have known each other in a past life. Arthur thinks that this weird, antagonistic thing he has with Eames is something different, isn't it? Except, it isn't. It's just love, baby.

Arthur feels it, with Eames. That 'something'. Over time it develops into a feeling that is both thrum and quiet. Like his whole body is vibrating but also completely still just by being near him, thinking about him.

But, at least initially, Arthur is just too... wary to place his money on it, that feeling. It's never provided dividends before.

Which isn't to say that Eames is the one to show Arthur he is 'worth loving', or anything like that. I believe that Arthur comes to that realisation all by himself - realistically, they're both still young and young enough to be insecure at the time of the film. Late 20's, 30s? Babies, in the grand scheme of adulthood. They are only just consolidating out who they are, really. But Arthur, at some point, realizes its okay to put his sword down and be loved in a different way from those who'd said they'd loved him before. To have someone take care of him, to run point for him. He gets better at reading love languages.

And I think, to address Arthurs own insecurities -- we all also have that kind of rose-tinted view of the ones we love while thinking we are plain and unremarkable - we look at them and go fuck, you are amazing, you are incredible, you can do anything and you don't even know it, how do you not know how powerful you are?? --- that's part of it too. Maybe he looks at Eames, Cobb and Mal and thinks just that. Maybe he wonders in what world would Eames ever look at him the same way? Maybe he does underestimate his own power and he takes it all too seriously and to heart when he's not perfect. Maybe he can't look past his own fuck ups in life and in work that it truly clouds his perception of himself and his compatibility with others.

That, I think, are the basic fears Arthur has. It's like inception, right, these 'simplest version of ideas' manifest in more convoluted ones. Those fears get translated and articulated into very simple 'reasonable' arguments he hoodwinks himself with so he never has to face his own vulnerability: it would never work out. I don't like the way he does x, y, z. He is so annoying. He doesn't even like me like that. It'd be bad for business. It's not worth the risk. We're here to work.

So I think Arthur leaves his attraction to Eames like a mailbox slowly accumulating with more and more junk mail. He'll clean it out some day, pushed aside in his own mind, left unattended by him for a long time without realizing the pile is growing. On this, some of my fave fics are the ones where Arthur has this sort of... comically misbehaving subconscious because of his ignored affection for Eames. The ones where there are errant projections who fawn over Eames, or the ones where his subconscious is literally incapable of hurting him. I think Arthur is not.. repressed... as an individual, but the feelings he has for Eames are so large and encompassing and that he's tried to fit it into too small of a box, and that box is spilling out at the sides. What he feels cannot be contained or disposed of. He would be that kind of hot mess.

But, Arthur, you darling fool. The feeling is mutual.

[belethlegwen]

G/t WAC - Day 1 (oops I'm late)

First wanna shout out to @entomolog-t for putting so much work into the G/t Writer's Appreciation Challenge. I think it's a very fun, extremely sweet idea and while I know I'm not gonna be able to hit all of these (I am ALREADY LATE for Day 1!!) I'm going to do my best because, especially right now with everything going on in my life, ***I*** could use the push to read more and the idea that everyone is sharing their favourite things and there's so much already available (plus the things that will inevitably be created throughout this month with or without the g/t wac) that seeing it all get shared around is a huge huge boon to my mood right now.

Day One: Share Your Comfort Fic

This probably comes as no surprise, but my comfort fic is by @adjacentperception, from their Rose & LaPorte series (directory link).

I have so many pieces out of this collection of short stories that I adore and find myself going back to when I need something to brighten any given day, but the one I go back to the most often is Witching Hour Curly Fries Pt. 2. It brings me, among so many other things, such a deep catharsis for emotions I have struggled with (and now, thankfully rarely, still struggle with) through the lens of Atticus and his unique situation.

There's something about how real both Atticus and his best friend Quinn feel as people, not just characters, and also how shockingly real Atticus makes the fantastical problem of being 4 inches tall (most of the time) feel to the reader through this piece in particular. There's a connection I felt the first time I read it that I have never stopped being able to come back to; there's something so deep there that hurts me to feel so strongly, that even through fiction and fantasy is still, at the core, so human and emotional.

There are times where you just need to sit with your best friend and talk, even though it isn't fixing anything. Even when the point is for you-- both of you, even-- to come to terms with the fact that the problems go so far beyond what they appear to. That there's something so much deeper, and that it may be genuinely unfixable at that level. That the wrappings and trappings and the portrait of what everyone, possibly including you, think your problems are merely just brought forth deeper issues that you don't know if you can untangle and process, let alone work toward correcting.

It's a beautiful piece to me and I have cried over it so many times for the pain and hope it gives me. Zip is wonderful writer, and always has been. Their characters are so human that they feel like coworkers or roommates to me sometimes, and their ability to find a real, core person in any character they make is one of the reasons I love them so much.

I really can't recommend the Rose & LaPorte series enough. It has more than earned it's place as one of my Permanently Open Tabs, and there's really something for every mood I'm in. I love Zip and all of their precious dingdongs and their adventures. <3

[fereldanwench]

Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @corpocyborg! Thank you, bb!! ♡

Last book I read: I still haven't finished There's No Such Thing as an Easy Job Kikuko Tsumura I started back in January, lmao. Not for any reason other than I just haven't been in the right headspace to sit down and read for the past few months--What I have read of it is great, so hopefully, I can make the time to pick it up again.

Greatest literary inspirations: I like the female protags in Karin Slaughter novels, and I love Tanya Huff's Torin Kerr from her Confederation series--I'm sure they've inspired me on some level. Oh, and Phedre from Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel books, too, although it's been ages since I read those. But I think most of my inspiration actually comes from other forms of media. I love the action babes of the late 90s/early 00s: Lara Croft is the number one inspo here, and pretty much all of Michael Turner's comic girls but especially Sara from Witchblade. And I think Better Call Saul is easily one of the best-written shows ever made--That's one I always go back to when I feel like I need to refill the inspo well.

Things in my current fandoms I want to read but I don't want to write: I have a confession: I usually only read a ton of fic when I first get into a fandom and I can't get enough and I just want to soak it all up, but after a certain point, I just don't have a lot of headspace for other people's stories. 😬 I feel bad about it sometimes, and it's not like I never read anything after that point, but 90% of the time, what I wanna write is what I wanna read. It's kind of a closed loop, I guess.

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: Well, I'm not at all deterred by being the only person interested in something I write, haha. One of my favorite one-shots I've ever written is between my Cousland and Hawke meeting briefly at Ostagar, and it's probably my least popular fic on AO3 by a big margin. But I do like deep-diving into my own OCs, and it generally is harder to get an audience for fic that doesn't have canon characters. Ain't gonna stop me, though!

You can recognize my writing by: Lots of pining and banter; obvious thesaurus abuse

My most controversial take (current fandom): Yeah, no, not gonna be sharing my actual most controversial takes, lmao.

But I do also love the Devil ending! I don't think there's one objectively "best" ending--What's good for one V isn't necessarily good for another--But for my Valerie, it suited her story the best. I love the poetry of her going back to Arasaka after getting fired by them, I love storming Arasaka Tower with Goro, I love the conflict with Johnny, I love making Goro confront how fucked up the Arasakas are, I love the possibilities of Mikoshi--The only way it would have been better for me is if this nixed idea had actually been put into action.

And I wish we could roleplay a V that is actually more "pro"-corpo in the game, especially if we had the corpo lifepath. Sticking it to the man is sexy and all, but I just love delving into characters that align themselves with shitty institutions and exploring different motivations (I personally like cynical pragmatism/self-preservation and delusional idealism) that lead a person there.

Top three favorite tropes: 1) Rivals to friends to lovers 2) Mutual pining 3) Forced proximity

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): Like, 0.5, lmao. I've been rereading and organizing my WIPS, so there's some effort being put in there, but I'm very much in one of my "ummmm, how do I even write fiction?" phases.

Share a random frustration: I have ZERO discipline when it comes to writing. I need to be in a fully feral, totally isolated from distractions place or I just can't get shit done. When I'm in the zone, I'm in the fuckin' zone, but I get like 3 months of that every 5 years, lmao.

Tagging (with no pressure, as always) @ur-friendly-nbhd-cardassian, @dread-red-queen, @vorchagirl, and @aceghosts <333

[huaandbloom]

I see you also ship Barbara x Bennett what else do you ship

OHOHOHOHOHO I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED–

I'm just gonna assume you're asking only about Genshin ships. I'm a multi-shipper so there will be repeats.

Warning: very VERY long read. I got a bit more extensive than I thought I would.

Ships that have a chokehold on me:

Keqing x Heizou: would hate each other at first, but with enough time and maybe one night of forced deep conversation realize that they have a lot in common? Both are very dedicated to their work, almost to a fault, but have very different working styles

Barbara x Bennett : I'm a sucker for character A chastising character B for getting hurt while they patch them up

Amber x Razor: hc Amber to be 18-20 and Razor to be 17-18 in case anyone's alarmed. It's the bunny x wolf and "outgoing girl helps awkward and closed off boy get out of his comfort zone" for me

Jean x Diluc: fully convinced they're exes and Diluc still has feelings for Jean at least. You can't tell me that one of the reasons he went to the summer islands wasn't to see Jean in her summer fit

Kazuha x Xiangling: mostly QPR, Xiangling canonically sails with the Crux Fleet sometimes so I'm pretty sure they have an established friendship of sorts already

Ayaka x Thoma: am a sucker for royalty x servant type dynamics, they'd be really sweet together, and I totally bought the pre-Inazuma rumors that they were gonna be fiances...

Xiangling x Xiao: all it took was one(1) fic which is now lost forever :( but either way I'm sold now

Mona x Scaramouche/Wanderer: look aesthetically pleasing together, plus I like the bickering between the two of them in the fics I read

Gorou x Kokomi: my loves my babies my everything the apple of my eye the peanut to my butter the fried to my rice to yee to my haw the dog leans over to kiss the fishy in the pond memes the- (has been shipping them since 2.0 livestream and refuses to let go)

Ships I can enjoy:

Bennett x Fischl: mainly for the ship name puns, but also I like their friendship a lot it's very cute

Ayaka x Kazuha: angst edition in which they try to maintain a long distance but after a while Ayaka can't take it anymore and breaks it off. Other than that I think they look really pretty together and they think really highly of each other

Beidou x Ningguang: Lantern Rite 2021 sold me on this ship. Like sure you guys, you just play chess and nothing more. Sure sure sure-

Xinyan x Yun Jin: Lantern Rite 2021 also sold me on it

Katheryne x Wanderer: @probably-impossible has me hook line and sinker it's such a silly ship but also makes so much sense for some reason?? Content for it has died down but I look back on that time fondly

Dehya x Dunyuzard: look me dead in the eye and tell me they aren't dating. You can't

Cyno x Nilou: the fanarts get me every time in a way I can't explain I feel so much feeling whenever I see them that it borders on having a chokehold on me. It's only here because I only feel the feelings when I remember they exist which isn't very often

Albedo x Sucrose: Windblume had me feeling a certain way let's just put it that way

Amber x Eula: similar-ish dynamic to Amber x Razor and admittedly they have more canon content than the aforementioned ship ever will (cri)

Itto x Sara: childhood friends to petty bickering enemies to lovers. Need I say more.

Chongyun x Xiangling: used to ship them in early game because of that one character story where Chongyun accidentally eats a chilli at Wanmin and then apologises to her profusely

Hu Tao x Xiao: grumpy x sunshine-ish that's it that's the tweet

Kaeya x Rosaria: bi4bi drinking buddies (romantic)

Kaeya x Kokomi: aethetically pleasing and amazing fanarts I must say

Cyno x Layla: an online friend sold me on this and I think it's just neat

Wanderer x Traveler: the love-hate potential is there and I can appreciate it. It's an acquired taste personally, but now I kinda dig it.

Bennett x Chongyun: both constantly get less-than-desired results in their respective lines of work

Ships I can see happening I guess:

Cyno x Tighnari: I like imagining them as a divorced couple co-parenting Collei lmao

Alhaitham x Kaveh: it's fine I guess?? I just see so much fan art that frankly it's become oversaturated for me

Dainsleif x Kaeya: I don't care much for Dain but I like royalty x knight so there you go

Venti x Xiao: this would go under "ships I can enjoy" but now I have beef with it. No it doesn't have anything to do with the fandom or the shippers /gen but I'd rather not get into it

Hu Tao x Yanfei: y'all YanTao nation people make good fanart ngl

Ei x Miko: they're wives. Not a big fan of them, but they're wives

Childe x Traveler: used to ship it but not so much anymore for some reason

Xiao x Traveler: except it's one-sided 'cause I'm a bit evil like that

[braveclxrke]

You can find my ao3 here at: Lydiamxrtin

🌻 Multi-chapter Fics 🌻

You deserve peace, you deserve healing 42k • 11 Chapters

Summary: Following TK after the events of the finale episode. TK struggles to balance his injury and addiction as he returns to work, persuading everyone he is fine when in fact he is the complete opposite.

Stay in my arms or must I imagine you there. 5.8k • 2 Chapters 

Summary: 5 times TK refused to sleep without Carlos by his side and 1 time he had to.

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. 11k • 6/6 Chapters

Summary: Sometimes TK still found it hard to believe this was his home, and that he was lucky enough to share it with his fiancé. TK smiled as the word filled his mind; fiancé.

🌻 Single chapter Fics 🌻

Whatever you decide, don't let it be because you don't think you have a choice 2.7k • 1 Chapter 

Summary: TK tries to deal with the consequences of Sadies actions while trying to decide how to move forward.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. 3.6k • 1 Chapter 

Summary: A series of snapshots following Iris and Carlos's disappearances and how TK tries to find the man he loves and reconcile with the fact that their perfect life had once again been shattered.

False hope is a terrible thing, if it's the only thing keeping you alive you'll be dead by dawn. 1.7k • 1 Chapter

Summary: Following the end of 4.04, as TK continue to blame himself, Nancy provides TK with some advice.

I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime and I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine. 5.1k • 1 Chapter

 Summary: 5+1: Five times TK borrowed Carlos's clothes and one time Carlos borrowed TK's

I’d give up forever to touch you. 2k • 1 Chapter

Summary: A 3.03 coda which picks up right after the episode finishes where we see Carlos deal with the idea of losing TK.

There is comfort in knowing, no matter what happens today, the sun will rise tomorrow. 3.6k • 1 Chapter

Summary: After his parents arguing gets too much, TK seeks comfort in Carlos. “Can I sleep here tonight?” + hurt/comfort.

Stay close to people who feel like sunshine. 1.2k • 1 Chapter 

Summary: Written for a discord flash fic writing challenge: 20 minutes to write and the prompt was: "I let you down" + the word "Savor"

TK attends a call which brings back feelings and memories he had buried deep. After, Carlos and Tommy provide TK with some words of advice and comfort.

You make me want to enjoy life tomorrow 5.5k • 1 Chapter

Summary: A coda for 1x03 with tarlos at the police station; this fic looks at Carlos's reaction to TK being arrested and his perspective during their conversation. After their talk, Carlos offers to drive TK home and learns a little bit more about the man he's pretty sure he's already fallen for.

Home isn't where you're from, it's where you find light when all grows dark 3.2k • 1 Chapter 

Summary: TK and Carlos struggle after losing everything in the fire, including their feeling of safety. Grace and Judd offer some words of advice and support to the boys.

Do all things with love. 3.7k • 1 Chapter

Summary: TK is looking forward to his first Christmas with Carlos but work threatens to ruin their plans.

🌻 Bad Thing Happens Bingo 🌻

Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today. 3.7k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo 

Summary: TK had gone to his parents for advice, not to have them turn the conversation into another argument. Broken-hearted over his fight with Carlos, TK finally tells his parents how their behaviour has made him feel. Later TK seeks advice from Paul about how to fix things with Carlos.

fear is the relinquishment of logic, but so it seems is love. 5.7K • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Used as bait + Tarlos.

Summary: Someone from Carlos's past comes looking for revenge and stumbles upon TK Strand. After a long day, Carlos comes home expecting to find his boyfriend curled up on their sofa but instead, he finds an empty house and a pool of blood.

Sometimes out of chaos comes clarity. 4.3k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Withholding medical treatment + Tarlos

Summary: Carlos was stuck inside the bank, bleeding out. TK was outside doing everything he could to get inside, but once inside would TK be able to help or just be forced to watch the man he loved slip away.

Tomorrow is another day.  3.4k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo "Crying into the chest” + Tarlos

Summary: The 126 lose a member of their family on a call and TK struggles to deal with it.

Home is what you take with you, not what you leave behind. 11k • 2/3 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Flashbacks + Tarlos

Summary: There hadn't been many places that had made TK feel safe, made him feel at home. But Carlos's house had, wrapped up in bed with the man he loved TK had managed to find a home that made him feel loved and safe.

Now TK was staring at the charred and broken remains of that home and the man he loved was in a coma, doctors unsure if he would awake.

Would you come home?  2.2k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo "Voice-breaking” + Tarlos.

Summary: Coda to 911 Lone Star 2x03: after learning about the helicopter crash and the commander's refusals to send a rescue team, TK calls Carlos for support (essentially me sprinkling some tarlos h/c on this episode)

Stop fighting yourself and start fighting for yourself.  6.9k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo "What have I done” + Tarlos.

Summary: After losing Tim, then nearly his dad in the helicopter crash and now finding out his mom's pregnancy could endanger her life TK's couldn't stop seeing the danger around him and those he cared about. Wanting to numb the pain TK falls back into bad habits.

With every breath hope rises.  5.7k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Punctured lung + Tarlos

Summary: While on a call together, TK stays behind to try and find a kid trapped inside a house. Outside, Carlos watches as the house collapse, no sign of TK and the boy anywhere.

Stuck underground TK fights to stay awake and breathing, on the surface Carlos does everything he can to bring TK home.

My home is next to you. 4.4k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo trail of blood + Tarlos

Summary: After getting injured on a job TK patches himself up confident it is a minor injury and everything is fine. Hours later Carlos comes home to find a trail of blood throughout his house and TK is nowhere to be found.

I can't breathe until you're resting here with me  8.7 • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Slammed into a wall + Tarlos

Summary: The screeching of metal on metal fill the truck, the noise bouncing off every surface, burrowing into TK's ears and penetrating his mind.

The breath was ripped from his lungs, and nothing was left but emptiness and a deep aching spreading across his whole chest. The screeching halted; a resounding thud and crash cut through the air. The blurry scene before him turned to darkness.

How do you go on after you lose everything: Take a breath, then another. 3.5k • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Never got to say goodbye

Summary: This picks up right after 3.07 and looks at how TK and Carlos react to Gwen's death and how they both find some comfort in the other.

Panic is like a weed it doesn't need watering it just grows 5.2 • 1 Chapter • Bad Thing Happens Bingo Clawing at own throat + Tarlos

Summary: While waiting at the hospital for his dad to come out of surgery, TK receives some distressing news and must make a choice he's not sure he can make.

🌻 911LS Angst Week 🌻

I believe in something, I believe in us 4.5k • 1 Chapter • 911 angst week ● Day 1: Emotional whump + “How do we fix this?”

Summary: TK wants to move in with Carlos and is about to ask him when he receives some advice from his father that sends him spiralling, causing him to doubt everything he thought.

forgot to tell you i'm someone else now 2.8k • 1 Chapter • 911 angst week ● Day 2: Physical whump + “Does it hurt badly?”

Summary: TK just wanted to feel something, anything that wasn't the emptiness in his chest. A fistfight in a bar leads TK to a new way of dealing with the emptiness that changes his life forever

I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. 2.7k • 1 Chapter • 911 angst week ● Day 3: Coda / fix-it fic

summary: During a weekly 126 hang out, Mateo lets slip that TK once called Alex his soul mate and he proposed to him before they broke up. TK spends the rest of the evening believing Carlos is angry TK never told him about the proposal, but the truth is far more heartbreaking than TK could have imagined. Yet the small heartbreak and confusion makes TK realise something he should have long along, and maybe something he did know along.

Everything sounds sweeter from your lips. 6k • 1 Chapter • 911 angst week ● Day 5: Mental health + “I’m so tired of feeling like this.”

Summary: 5 times TK hated being called Tyler and one time he didn't mind

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? 4k • 1 Chapter • 911 angst week ● Day 7: Free choice

Summary: Alex comes to Texas to apologise to TK and to clear the air, a reluctant TK agrees to hear him out but gets more than he bargains for when Alex drops a bomb that TK could have never predicted.

🌻 TK Strand Week 2020 🌻

Go for a good heart. 1.5k • 1 Chapter • TK Strand Week 2020 • Day 1: Prompt: “You're so cute when you pout.”

Summary: Carlos comforts TK after he is not allowed on a call due to his healing injury.

All is not what it seems. 1.7k • 1 Chapter • TK Stand Week 2020 • Day 2: Prompt: "Wait are you jealous?"

Summary: Someone TK knew from New York comes to visit and Carlos ponders how the two know each other when the truth is revealed it's not what he was expecting.

Nothing lasts forever. 2.4k • 1 Chapter • TK Strand Week 2020 • Day 3 Prompt: “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.” + friendship

summary: After seeing that TK is overwhelmed with work and his dad's illness Judd decided to take him horse riding, much to the dismay of TK.

It's okay not to know. 1.6 • 1 Chapter • TK Strand Week 2020 • Day 4 Prompt: “I’m proud of you.” + future

Summary: TK shares an important milestone in his life with Carlos and looks towards their future

🌻 AU 🌻 All along there was some invisible string tying you to me. 7.9k • 1 Chapter • AU Meeting while waiting for hours on end in the emergency room

Summary: TK just wanted his dad to be okay; strike that, he needed his dad to be okay. He also needed to know more about the man that had managed to pull him back from the edge of a complete breakdown. For now, his name would be enough, and that TK knew; Carlos Reyes. With nothing to do but spiral, TK meets someone that makes moving to Austin seem more like fate than a punishment.

Life is but a strand of happy accidents 14k • 4/? Chapter • AU 

Summary: An alternative first meeting of Carlos and TK + Bartender!Carlos and Paramedic!TK

After all of the years, all of the tears, you are here somehow. 61k • 12 Chapters • AU Bodyguard!Carlos and Witness!TK.

Summary: Carlos took a breath, a polite smile on his face, “TK Strand, right?” He greeted, “Look I know this isn’t ideal-” “Ideal?” The man interrupted, “What, spending the next month in the middle of nowhere with strangers?” TK scoffed, shaking his head, “No this is perfect,” He mocked.

I see forever in your eyes, I feel okay when I see you smile 8.7k • 3/? • AU Each genuine emotion your soulmate expresses to you adds colour to your world

Summary: “You can see it too?” TK choked, his eyes never leaving the sole colour in the room.

“It’s red,” Carlos said, looking over at TK

🌻 Dealing with grief 🌻 There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.3.5k •1 Chapter • Grief 

Summary: TK tries to balance moments of joy with grief/guilt following the months after his mother's passing.

No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on 2.8k • 1 Chapter • Grief 

Summary: TK struggles with telling the people closest to him the real reason he opened the narcotics safe the day of his mother's funeral.

Now I have to remember you for longer than I have known you 3.1k • 1 Chapter • Grief

Summary: Based of this prompt I received: "Sad TK...what about Gwyn's first birthday after her death?" 

TK tries to balance moments of joy with grief/guilt following the months after his mother's passing.

[serenescribe]

for the fic writer ask: 🍚🍜🍡🍘

Fic Writer Asks

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing?

answered here!

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write?

sort of! not by other people, but mainly by myself. i often have limited time to write, and can only really sit down and focus during breaks between semesters and school years. i oftentimes cannot write at all during the ends of my semesters! so i end up pressuring myself somewhat to write while i can, because i don't know when i'll be able to do it next.

that aside... i can also feel pressured if i'm racing against canon (see: writing 15k words in two days just so i could get glaciers chapter 2 out before episode 19 of fhjy dropped). i also sometimes pressure myself to write because i love it when people enjoy my work! which is a much lighter pressure, but pressure nonetheless — it isn't imposed on me by readers at all, but merely my own desire to return the amount of enjoyment everyone's comments have brought me :)

🍡 Which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write?

i want to say "pénthos" because it was a grief fic, and i wrote it while coping with emotions surrounding the impending loss of a beloved pet. but it wasn't so much emotionally difficult to write as it is impossible to revisit without shedding a tear.

on the other hand, i remember feeling so many powerful, visceral emotions while writing "we've got history." i cannot encapsulate how much i felt writing these chapters. i channeled the pure fucking rage of espresso in chapter 1. i was dying writing madeleine in chapter 2. what the hell. i felt like i came out of a boss battle and lost despite finishing the fic. finishing it gave me relief like nothing i had ever known.

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

OH BOY. DO I HAVE AN ABSOLUTE TREASURE TROVE. i'm answering this under the cut. this is going to get long.

i wrote an espresseleine fic in 2022, clocked in at just over 40k words, and never posted it. it's more or less abandoned despite being finished because i pushed myself too hard writing it and burnt out so badly i couldn't stand to look at that writing ever again. maybe someday it'll see the light of day, but it's already been two years, and i don't know if i'll ever write for crk again.

on another note, i had a mcyt fire emblem au back in 2022. i was making it with the help of a beloved friend. unfortunately i never felt confident enough in writing the characters so it never came to be — but i think this short, simple sentence is still the best start to a fic i've ever written, and i'm sad that it will never see the light of day.

this isn't so much abandoned as it is half-shelved, half-reworked (i like the au too much and have repurposed it for a different fandom, BUT i also love the original so i want to return to it someday. two cakes), but i had a fire emblem awakening fic. can't say too much about it but here's morgan and lucina siblings from 2022.

pretty sure i had a p5 au idea where third semester played out differently with akira taking maruki's deal, and goro being forced to step into the role of wild card instead. never got too far into writing that though but i found this.

i found a silver and lilia roleswap while i was digging for stuff????? i BARELY started it i straight up forgot this existed

anyways the very nature of being multifandom with constant, shifting interests means that i definitely have a lot of abandoned works. these ones are all from recent years, but i know, deep in the depths of my soul, that there's more.

let's not even get started on ideas. if you get me started on ideas, we'll be here all day.

[evelhak]

If you're still doing the character ask game, I need to hear Tetsuya, all numbers please 👀🩵

Oh, wow. You most certainly shall have it. (Prepare to be here for a while.)

1. My first impression of them

Probably something like "cool, my favourite colour". I definitely had zero deep thoughts about him (or anyone) in the beginning, since I process feelings pretty slowly.

2. When I think I truly started to like them

Probably towards the end of season 2. (But hey, still on first watch.) Not because there was any particular moment that caused it, must have just had enough processing time around then, and enough information for points of connection.

3. A song that reminds me of them

Ahem. I'll attempt to narrow it down.

You're lucky the post limit is ten.

4. How many people I ship them with

One, really. Just Kagami. But that doesn't mean nothing besides that happens in my fics. Relationships are messy, so it's not like I'm preventing Kuroko from having any attraction towards other people, or anyone else to him.

5. My favourite ship of them

KagaKuro it is. I live for relationships that are based on trust, commitment and insane merging with another in an activity that both love. I don't need ships that feel surprising or outside the box, I need ships that feel real. I also don't need angst and toxicity. Of course there will always be problems in any relationship, but I want the general tone to be that of growth and positivity. A particular aspect that really made me fall in love with their love was the growth from dependent on each other to working on themselves as individuals to be stronger together, which leads to not needing to be together but still deciding to do so because they want to, which is beautiful. That's an aspect I love to explore further in my writing.

6. My least favourite ship of them.

I feel like I've answered this before, but it's Momoi. It literally makes my skin crawl to see stuff about them, (especially stuff that treats them as a natural progression of the story as if that's totally reasonable) and that's a strangely strong reaction from me, but it has to do with how Momoi's "crush" is depicted. I think there's something that really underestimates both characters in it, turning them into a joke that isn't funny at all. It's old news that women violating physical boundaries is seen as harmless and funny or even cute (truly despicable) but it really needs to stop. I also hate that Momoi's feelings are depicted in an incredibly shallow way that dumbs her down. I'm supposed to believe that a character as smart and confident as her will fall head over heels for someone she thought nothing of before, for the first random act of kindness? Yes, there absolutely are people who are so deprived of love and attention that they will do that, and it's not their fault, but I think it's dishonest to depict Momoi as someone who will confuse love and/or attraction with gratitude that hard. Sure, it doesn't take a genius to see that she sometimes feels left out because she's a girl, but that is incongruent as a reason for this too, because she's obviously looking for deeper friendship when she looks at everyone else longingly, so to think that she instantly fell in love as an answer to that doesn't make any sense. The only answer to this behaviour is self-deception, in a complexity that does justice to her character.

This is getting long, and I didn't even touch on Kuroko's side of things but really, you can read all about it in my fic, if you're interested.

7. A quote from them that you remember

I think I've answered this rather seriously before, so let's pick a funnier one. (at least a little.) I don't remember the exact wording, but it's the quote about there always being a slight chance that a meteorite will strike at the last seconds of the game. It's funny to me because I've said literally the same thing prior to seeing KnB, and I think it demonstrates in such a funny way both the strength and weakness of a brain that tends to ignore physical reality in favour of fantasy. The strength is obviously that you can find what you need for your desired outcome in almost anything, you can always imagine a way your fantasy will become reality, and so never lose hope, but the weakness is pretty obviously that not being so grounded in physical reality makes you rather clumsy and inconsistent with concrete physical tasks. Possibly it's not so funny to someone else, but it's funny to me as someone who has always been 1000% willpower, meanwhile struggling to develop physical abilities to even passably match that willpower. BUT when you do get there, magic happens. I would say it's desirable to have your head in the clouds and feet on the ground.

8. Your favourite outfit of them

I do like striped t-shirts.

9. Your least favourite outfit of them

Orange t-shirt. Wtf are you doing Kuroko, you have blue hair! Do you want to look dead?

10. Describe the character in one sentence

An impossibly relatable myriad of contradictions.

11. What's the first thing you think about when thinking about the character

Probably either the fandom here on Tumblr, or my own fics. Because those are the things that are in my daily life.

12. Sexuality hc!

Asexual and gray-romantic. That's how I just always read Kuroko in the anime and manga. I know a lot of people tend to automatically headcanon characters who display no opposite sex attraction as being gay, which is valid, but I am asexual myself so of course I'm more likely to start to wonder if someone is ace when they display neither opposite nor same sex attraction in a way that is clearly sexual. I see no evidence of it in canon, even Kagami seems to have some inclination towards being interested in sexual things compared to Kuroko. So Kuroko might just as well be ace. Which is HILARIOUS because it's called the invisible orientation sometimes. That's why I'll never let go of this headcanon. Literally who would be better asexual representation? Asexuality can even be one factor why Kuroko has so little presence. Apparently, people exchange sexual energy all the time, and if you don't emit, receive or respond to it, people may not even notice you. (It's a hypothesis but based on my experience there might be something to it.) Obviously that would be just one reason in something that is more complex, but that's just what makes it interesting to me, when multiple factors come together. Anyway, I do see latent romantic attraction there, but I don't think it's ever strong enough for Kuroko to act upon until Kagami of course. I don't think he's necessarily even aware of it. I do think that attraction is leaning towards men, though. However, he's very very particular. Only Kagami is able to break the threshold, haha. Also, thinking Kuroko is asexual doesn't necessarily mean I think he's sex-averse (since someone people still don't understand the difference.)

13. Your favourite friendship they have

I just talked about the negative aspects of their relationship, so it might not be obvious, unless you've seen a post where I talk about this, but it's with Momoi, and it's precisely because I think their friendship and actual points of connection were largely ignored in canon. They both feel slightly like outsiders, they both have made observing people in different ways their forte, which I think means they both have a natural interest for it, they are the most naturally socially inclined in their Teiko team (besides Akashi, but he's in a different way from them). They even have this pastel colour coding thing going on. And I think it's super tone-deaf to not have any explicit comparison between Kuroko's and Momoi's experiences of being ignored because she is definitely ignored too, yes in a different way, but the more important difference is that people don't even notice she is, and the fandom does it too. (Newsflash, the reason is misogyny.) There should definitely be similar comparison between Kuroko and Momoi as there is between Kuroko and Takao. As if being a "supporting character" is profound when a guy does it, but when a girl does it, it's just what she was supposed to do all along anyway, so no one even pays attention. Another point I can't help but see is, that if Kuroko was a girl, Momoi would definitely be that extrovert friend who adopts the introvert friend, and they would be besties like none you'd ever seen. Momoi would still bury Kuroko in hugs, but in a way more genuine way in which that over-enthusiasm wouldn't be out of place or shallow. But all of that deep friendship potential is ignored. In short, there is a shit ton to explore in their relationship, and I'm doing just that.

14. Best storyline they had

I don't know if I can answer anything else than the whole thing? I just love the whole premise and how it plays out. I love that the story is committed to the perspective of someone with significant limitations in power: Kuroko doesn't magically "win the lottery" and actually become the most powerful being, like protagonists usually do, in series like Naruto and Boku no Hero Academia. Kuroko's story is a lot like "the heroine's journey" and actually commits to the unattractive parts of it, meanwhile so many other stories just use the sexy parts of the heroine's journey to spice up the hero's journey and create emotion porn. That's why Kuroko is actually relatable to people who know that the ultimate power fantasy is out of their reach: he finds an alternative way to be strong, he actually has to be smart to overcome his limitations in power. I know some people love escaping to power fantasies, but I really appreciate these grounded aspects in this otherwise fantastical story. Even though the way to Seirin's win is paved with unexplained power of friendship moves that make no practical sense, the result doesn't feel like lazy storytelling because of this commitment.

15. Worst storyline they had

Hmm, there's no bad storyline in my opinion, so I'm just going to have to continue with how much more there would still be to get out of the overarching story with some added female perspective. So many of Kuroko's struggles are totally average struggles of women. Having less raw strength than the average person you'll be facing? Being ignored on a daily basis? Going out of your way to be the emotional glue because no one else will do it? Not being taken seriously? Your boundaries being constantly violated? Obviously, I'm not saying this doesn't happen to men. I'm saying this happens particularly to men who are thought of as feminine. So I think it's really sad that stories like this ignore how many struggles people who are perceived to be feminine, share. It's sad that misogyny prevents stories like these from getting out of the male centric narrative and keep isolating the male and female characters from each other even though they share so many experiences. So, the worst storyline is the lack of acknowledgement that it should have also always been a female storyline in addition to everything great it already does.

16. A childhood headcanon

Kuroko loved to pretend play that ghosts and spirits like poltergeist exist, and they are misunderstood and someone just needs to find the right words to talk to them, so he went looking for them in dark and mysterious places like a forest or an attic if he was near one.

17. What do you think their first word was?

"Granny" because she was always home more than Kuroko's parents.

18. How do you think they were as a kid?

I think Kuroko was significantly more shy, quiet and socially awkward, but also more animated and emotive. He had to grow a thicker skin and hide major parts of himself to survive in a harsh social world.

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them?

Who haven't I seen? Kuroko no harem indeed. Probably like... Imayoshi or Kasamatsu? Which is like... why? Where is the chemistry? The foundation? The thematic significance? At least I understand why some people think it's hot to ship Kuroko with Hanamiya or the Jabberwock, like, I theoretically understand that some people find antagonists who demean someone and beat them up to be smashing boyfriend material, or if not that, at least some basic porn, but I don't think I will ever understand the people who seem like they are looking for ships with pretty much nothing in it. I guess they want to create everything themselves, maybe?

20. A weird headcanon

Kuroko wrote some angsty poetry in middle school and ended up burying it underground because he was embarrassed by it. I have no clue where this came from? I don't know if it's that weird, but it's the most baseless thing I've ever written in my fic. (I make sure my wilder shit is canon based even if it's an unlikely interpretation.)

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

Besides Seirin's win and reuniting with the GOM, I think in early childhood when it was mostly just Kuroko and Granny who was really loving and showed him the magical world of stories, painting him a picture that he could do anything and be anything he wanted, and he didn't really know the real world wasn't as kind, yet.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

Besides end of middle school, at the spring of third year in high school. (Oops, spoilers for TOT!)

23. Future headcanon

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. Do I have plans. Some that I feel like I'll be hanged for.

Oh well, let's just say that Kuroko and Kagami will definitely get married, since that's both obvious and safe.

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

Argh, it's so hard for me to answer these because all secrets I think Kuroko has are, again, spoilers for my fic. A lot of them are still secrets to Kuroko as well, for quite some time.

Well, I don't think he told anyone he's asexual, out of self-preservation. (Untill he does.)

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

Hmm, I don't have anything big, but it always felt a little strange to me that Kuroko decided to comfort Momoi by touching her head, as opposed to a shoulder or something, because Kuroko evidently doesn't like people touching his head. It seemed strange that he wouldn't consider it might be annoying to someone else too. Of course, I can come up with multiple explanations for this. There's no reason why he wouldn't know that it's in fact something that Momoi likes. Or he could have been trying to come up with the most platonic way to comfort someone he could think of, and it turned out strange. I'm sure there could be other explanations, too.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

I think increasingly towards the end of the series, because he would gradually open up and relax more around people.

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

I kind of dislike crossovers like this but... well, if I must choose, I guess it would be quite interesting if Kuroko could meet one of my own characters. Maybe the other protagonist from my debut novel, who is a literally invisible creature who would totally make Kuroko think that he was right in the childhood headcanon mentioned above.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Hmm, I think Kuroko went a bit far about teasing Kagami with Nigou sometimes. I know it's hard to get if you don't have an irrational phobia, but it's not really a funny experience. It could be retraumatizing.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent?

The major spoiler questions just keep coming, geez. Obviously Kuroko will be a gentle and loving parent. It's just that I want to blurt all my fic plans out now. But I can't. All I can promise is that it's going to get... interesting. I have a habit of synthesizing canon and fanon in ways that make seemingly contradictory aspects blend together. Let's just say that I'll make liberal use of some loved and hated fan fic traditions in the topic of parenthood. I promise it's going to be a bit out there. Actually about as out there as basketball is in canon. Theoretically real. Which is kind of my point. (Presicely my point.)

30. The funniest scene they had?

Honestly, it's when Kuroko is looking at Kagami, mouth open and seeing him shining literal light, pfft. There's no way to watch that shit with a straight face, and no pun intended.

Thank you for asking me, I hope you had fun reading this, you deserve so much fun after working for entrance exams! I'm so happy about your success. ❤️ If you liked this answer, I'll always be down to do it for another character or just talk about things privately too. ✨