#1 of 6 bitch ! bet !

[jacksjoke]

[kyri45]

HIIIIII!!! Read through your entire shadowpeach parents au in a day and I'm OBSESSED!!! The latest comics with Red Son and MK were gorgeous, tbh I think the song Fantastic by King Princess is a perfect match for those scenes!

I had a kinda (actually make that very) stressful day so would you have any cute/fluffy headcanons about spicynoodles? Or hints about what to expect in the future? If not no worries I'll read the comic for the tenth time lol

Thx! <3

I was born for this moment *clear throat*, I can't say too much but since this comic wont divulge too much on spicynoodle after the end I might as well.

MK will climb that man whenever he can, even when he's working on a project you can bet your ass he will be clinging on his back like his life depends on him.

Red Son still has some self awareness over his true form and MK is just there everytime to remind him he's beautiful.

Red Son is typically the one who would go on to even write poetries for MK, or start an absurdly long list of complex compliments for him to get flustered and embarassed for. In the meantime MK just needs to call him "cute" and Red Son.exe will stop working.

Red Son tends to work all night someday but you better bet his monkey bf will force him to bed (MK lifting a 6 feet bull boy like he's a bag of chips is an image that have been haunted me for weeks)

The entire fortress knows these two bitches are together, everyone would open the door for MK and guide him to Red Son door, but the fucker will always, ALWAYS, just sneak inside to Red Son room just to give him surprises kissed while he almost burn him alive from the jumpscare.

During winter MK is even MORE clingly bc the man is just a fucking living furnace

N°1 reason why Mamacaque approved him was bc he knew his son would never be cold again

N°1 reason why Wukong DIDN'T approve of him at first was because he was afraid he would accidentally burn MK.

[etherealily]

𝙴𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙽 // 𝙉𝙁𝙅!

Nate Jacobs + Fem!reader. Warnings : Dark. SFW, but discretion advised. Drugs.

I don't know if this is milder or darker than the previous parts, but I do know that it is LONG.

Part 1 : Whiplash

Part 2 : 9 Lives

Part 3 : Blessed

Part 4 : Shards

Part 6 : Sin

You do NOT have permission to repost and/or translate any of my fics.

Desc. : You're fun and you're wild, but you don't know the half of the shit that you put me through

═════════════════════ 🧿 ════════════════════

TUESDAY, LIBRARY, 4 PM.

"We need to talk."

Suddenly, Carl Jung had never been more interesting, your eyes unable to rip away from the words on the paper in front of them, ignoring Nate as much as possible.

Your shoulder suddenly jerked, and a soft whisper followed. "Hey. We need to talk."

Frowning, your eyes darted between the two Jacobs brothers, the looks on their faces not strict, but the most infuriatingly stoic gazes mankind had ever known.

"You had quite a weekend, right? Anything crazy happen?"

The real question Aaron was asking was whether you were going to talk about it.

"Nope, just lots of psych homework."

"See, this is why I'm telling you to drop Psych. Unnecessary stress.", remarked Nate, his fingers rapping on the table in an almost musical pattern. Almost, because music is art, and there was nothing artistic about the false smile he was giving you.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"How are the rest of classes going?" Small talk?

"Great. Chem is pissing me off, though."

"Eh, well, only nerds are good at Chem, and I don't fuck with nerds. So you're lucky."

Oh, thanks, man. Such an honour.

"Are you good at Chem?"

"I pass."

"Where'd you get time to study? What with all the vapes and parties and quote-unquote 'dozens of bitches'?"

He let out a breathy laugh. "I got good work-life balance.", he replied, leaning on his arms closer to you. His head tilted and you knew something psychotic was about to happen. Well, it was Nate. You knew something psychotic was about to happen the second he walked in.

"I'll bet."

He smiled at that. "Are you my friend, Y/N? Are we friends?"

"I don't think so."

"Good. We're on the same page.", he hissed, moving in closer, glaring at you with the same eyes that had been acting as a dam to his true emotions two nights ago. "You can't tell anyone." His fingers deftly twirled your hair around before tucking it behind your ear.

"About?"

"Saturday."

"How you threw a lamp at me?"

"What you heard about my Dad. What he wanted to... what he said. What you learnt about our family."

"I won't."

"No, seriously, Y/N, don't fucking play with me right now. You'll regret it if you do."

"I'm not playing around, either. I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Good.", sniped Aaron. "'Cause we'll fucking ruin your life if you do."

"Aaron.", whispered Nate, shaking his head. "She already said she wouldn't."

"And you trust her?! She walked in with this polite girl attitude and then when shit got tough, she yelled at you with Mom just a room away. And you told me she wanted to fuck Da-"

"Aaron, shut the FUCK up, okay? She said she isn't going to, so she won't." The glares were back on you, an unwelcome blanket in the heat of tension.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to have to say stuff about you , too."

"Aaron, I said fuckin' drop it."

"No, she gotta know what's at stake, or she's going to take this shit lightly."

You could almost see the vein pop in Nate's head.

"Nate, what... what stuff?"

"It's nothing. Just... we needed incentive.", he muttered, shrugging.

"What incentive?"

"You're buddy-buddy with a drug dealer, Y/N.", he continued, although, to his credit, it seemed with a little reluctance. "And he has access to a lot of shit, right? Who knows if he's ever slipped something into your drink and... y'know."

"What the FUCK? What the FUCK, NATE?"

His idea of incentive was making you a rape victim?!

Being shushed by the librarian solidified your thirst for homicide.

"I mean, you fucked Shane voluntarily, so you're already a fuckin' whore.", he declared, shrugging again as if he was just stating that the sky would be lit up by fireworks on the Fourth of July. "Maybe he just thought it would be easier, without all the playing-hard-to-get-shit. You're close enough that he trusts you to watch over his store."

"You can't FUCKING be serious! FEZCO WOULD NEVER FUCKING-"

"How sad, you're in denial.", tutted Aaron, pouting. "How would you know? He could have used shit stronger than Rohypnol, ya know? Shit that could knock you out cold for hours, and maybe he even called a couple of his trapper buddies-"

Aaron shut up quite quickly when your knuckles met his jaw, but started cussing you out when Nate pulled you off of him. "We're just saying, Y/N, you don't tell anyone the truth of that night, we won't tell them the lies about Fezco."

You pointed your finger at Nate's chest, hoping to god that that would distract him from the rage-induced tears pooling in your eyes.

"You're a fucking coward, Jacobs. With a pervert dad. A fucking coward who can't admit that he has no idea what the fuck he's doing."

"Big words coming from a girl that was raped by her dealer."

OH, someone needs to euthanize this motherfucker.

FUCK. NATE. JACOBS.

TUESDAY, 9PM

Nate had no fucking clue why he was doing this.

He was just drunk, he supposed. Drunk and horny. Average teenage experience.

But it's like.. he could've done anything. ANYTHING else. He could've actually gone to the party, picked up some girl, screwed her into the bed.

But no.

He sat there, scrolling through the fucking SlutPages. For who?Shane's sister, maybe, because of the inexplicable hatred he'd been feeling for him for about a month that he couldn't really think of a reason for? You would think, wouldn't you?

He looked for you.

There was no way you were a virgin. But he should've known there was also no way you were a slut. Or at least, that you were smart enough not to end up there.

He almost fucking threw the phone onto the wall. Fuck.

And you'd blocked him. That was the problem. He couldn't even text you. And he didn't have your fucking phone number, Jesus fucking Christ, he should've gotten it! Relying on something as flimsy as social fucking media was stupid. Idiot.

Wait. Social media.

He quickly slid his chair over to his computer, his hands moving with a pace and mind of their own.

No fucking way would he admit this, but his brother... had some good ideas, once in a while.

When he was fourteen, he'd been wide-eyed, watching through the crack through a door as his older brother -17 at the time- created an account, some random username, some girly bullshit, and then gone Incognito, finding a picture to add.

And then he watched as his brother spent hours poring through pictures of girls - at the time, Nate's seniors- and then suddenly sigh.

"You know, you breathe like fucking Darth Vader?" "What's that?", he'd asked, ignoring that comment and padding over to sit next to him. "This account? I'll tell you, but it- it's like... private brother shit, ok?"

"Shit". What a novel word that was at the time.

"Okay." "Spit-swear it, runt."

He spit-swore. A thing he never fucking did again.

"You can use it. Whenever you're down bad for a chick but you're blocked." "Why would a chick I'm down bad for block me?" "You're so obviously fourteen."

And god fucking damnit, was he.

Not that he was down bad for you. But all he'd say is if this wasn't love, it was pretty fucking close. Why you enthralled him, no clue. You were so easy to rile up, but hard to push too far. You always seemed to be limitless.

He logged in.

Good, the loser, Crestin, posted a story.

Good, you were there in the background.

Great, you were hot.

Bad, you were drinking. Tequila. Wasn't that you and Nate's thing?

Of course, he wouldn't presume to have taken your tequila-V-Card, but he most definitely would have assumed that you'd associate tequila with him. With that night. He'd assumed you'd stay away from it, metaphorically forsaking him in the process.

But no.

Shane's tequila was non-traumatic, and apparently delicious. Ugh.

This simply would not do.

TUESDAY, SHANE'S PARTY, 11PM

"No, NO, GET the FUCK away from me!", you warned, pointing a finger at him. You should've taken his advice and learnt to shoot. "I'm warning you, Jacobs!"

Shane's party was meant to be the one place you could be to avoid Nate, seeing as the host was some sort of Nate-repellent, but NO, you'd just apparently underestimated Nate Jacobs once again.

And here he was, his hand gripping your wrist - just like the rope you wanted to grip his neck - and glaring down at you as if you'd just killed his entire family but he was mildly turned on by it.

"Y/N, just fucking listen! Just- stop causing a scene! Fuckin' LISTEN!", he ordered, grabbing your shoulder with one palm and pointing at you with the other hand, to stop you from writhing away from him.

"You can't just do what you did last week and then expec-"

He kissed you. What did he think this was, fucking Disney Channel?

"NO! NO!", you shouted, shoving him away and secretly hoping for a car to hit him as he stumbled back.

No such luck.

It really was the world according to Nate, wasn't it?

"You know it's okay, right? It's alright."

"What?"

"It's okay to want me.", he informed you, as if he was telling you it was okay to sing in the shower.

Everyone does it. It's like, a thing, relax.

"It's okay.", he continued, "People want what's bad for them all the time.", he murmured, his thumb tracing your lip like he was tracing out a line he wanted so desperately to cross. "It's human nature."

"You think I'm bad for you?"

He took a deep breath, as if he was about to tell you you were terminal. "I think you're good for my soul. Like a baptism without the water." His thumb moved further into your mouth, just barely grazing your teeth.

"Even you have no clue what that meant, admit it."

"It's called effect, Y/N. Drama. Intrigue. Doesn't have to make sense."

You stared up at him, waiting for elaboration, and that earned a huff from him as he looked around at the other people in the front yard - doing lines, making out, throwing up - before turning back to you. "No, honey, I don't think you're bad for me. In fact, I think you're unnecessarily good for me."

"Unnecessarily?"

"As in, I don't need your energy."

"Then why are you so insistent on being around it? 'Cause you want to fuck me?"

"No! Jesus. It's in the name, Y/N. GOOD luck charm. You help me do GOOD in my games. You're good energy."

"What's next? You gonna tell me my birthstone?"

"Oh, shut up.", he chuckled, shaking his head as he moved your jaw from side-to-side in what seemed to be a playful gesture, but at this point, could very well have been him trying to ascertain which cheek to shoot into or something. "You got your licks in. We good?"

"Good? No. NO. We're not good! You threatened someone I love, so no fuckin' way are we good!"

"I know, I know. Aaron wanted me to-"

"BULLSHIT!"

He sighed, as if you were his deranged relative who was climbing up some telephone pole.

"YOU just can't handle the fact that I saw you almost fucking cry! I caught you weak, and that's a power shift, and you don't FUCKING like it, do you?!"

His jaw ticked for a moment, but he managed to let out a mix between a scoff and a chuckle. And then, as if what you said wasn't quite literally exactly what he was feeling, he asked, "Are you done?"

"NO, I'm not fucking done! I still haven't got to the part where you threatened to accuse him of rape, which is a fucking terrible thing to joke about in the first pla-"

"Look, man, I don't have time for this shit, okay? I'm not hurting Fezco! I came here so I could tell you something."

"My GOD, Nate, you made your point! I won't tell anyone!", you groaned, snatching a drink from some already-tipsy guy's hand and downing it.

"That's totally hygienic.", he remarked, eyes finally tearing away from you as you both watched the drunkard stumble over a girl who was getting rid of her lunch and breakfast in the bushes.

"I got new incentive.", he murmured, his forehead against yours, and his thumb rubbing your cheek as if it owned land there.

"What, now you're going make Shane out to be a rapist, too?"

Not a bad idea, actually. The corners of his mouth curled down, and he scanned your face as if he were actually thinking about it, eliciting a tsk from you.

He hid a chortle as he continued. "I'm offering you a deal. You were right, back at the bleachers about the control thing."

He was about to ask you to sell your soul, you could fucking feel it.

"So... you get to control me. For however long you need. Like, a month, a week, whatever. Just don't tell anyone about my family."

Whoa. Plot twist. You did not expect him to sell his soul.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure. So if I asked you to show up to school naked?"

"Yes, I'd show up to school naked for you. But it's funny seeing me naked is your first instinct."

His trust issues were suddenly working out in your favour- he was essentially offering himself up as collateral.

"If I ask you to announce a formal apology to me on a bullhorn before your game?"

"I just want you to leave my family alone, Y/N."

So that's where Nate Jacobs' humanity began. At his family. Noted.

"I promise. I'll do anything." The urge to say 'then die' was strong, but not invincible.

You wracked your brain looking for something you could make this psychopath do that would not cause him immense pleasure.

"Ah, see? Being the one in control isn't all it's cracked up to be. Too much power, and you don't even know what to do with it.", he taunted, pouting as he closed his eyes, pressing his forehead harder against yours. "Think. What is it you want from me?"

What the fuck did you want him to do?

"Do you want an apology? No, 'cause I've already given you plenty and you don't want meaningless things, do you?" His lips lightly touched yours and you could swear he smirked when you flinched on reflex.

But no. That wasn't what you wanted. He was spot-on.

"You want... do you want money? I'm a trust fund baby, essentially, right? My father basically owns the town. Sure, I could hook you up. Royal Enfield, BMW. Or, if you want, Chanel? But that won't cost me anything, at least not emotionally, yeah? So no. That's not it, either."

Why did you suddenly feel like your thoughts were transferring into his head?

"You want me? You want to cut me up, just like I forced you to watch me do to myself? You want to hold a gun to my throat like I did to you? No, because I'd low-key like it."

Yes, he would. So no, you didn't want it.

"C'mon, think. I'm at your mercy, I'm all yours. There's definitely one thing you want and you're just too much of a pussy to say it."

Why were you letting him do this? Why did you just accept that it was the world according to Nate?

"You wanna know what I think, huh? Huh? I'll tell you what I think.", he murmured. "I think you want me to care."

That got your attention. "Care?"

"I think you actually want me to give a shit about you, so you can justify to yourself why you keep lettin' this happen, don'tcha?", he asked, thumb rubbing your jawline. "You want me to stop acting like this whole thing between us is a game. You want me to acknowledge what I'm doing to you."

You hated this. You hated when men were right - it was ridiculous. And you absolutely despised when Nate was right, because it was dangerous.

"Look, I just want you out of my life, Nate.", you lied.

That had come out way too fast. That was the easiest thing he could do. That was the kindest thing you could have ordered him to do. That was mercy.

So why was he acting like you'd just asked him to jump into a fire?

"That's it?"

He didn't buy it. And neither did you. Because yes, you'd technically be very reasonable to want him out of your life. But no, the danger, the unnecessarily sexy amount of mortal peril you'd be in every second that you were around him- it was your fucked up version of heroin.

"I don't think you understand just what you're asking. You're going to miss me."

You scoffed and he shrugged, in a gesture that only seemed pitiful, as though he were allowing you to believe that for the time being.

'Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, baby', you could almost hear him snark.

"What if I miss you?"

You shrugged, downing another shot - one you'd stolen from a drunk girl this time. "I dunno. Just don't."

"You'll still come to games? Fist-bump me?"

"Still come to games? I guess, maybe? I'll high-five you, or something."

"I'll think it over." Wait, wasn't he the one who was making an offer?

═════════════════════ 🧿 ════════════════════

He found you almost fifteen minutes later, probably after mulling it over with a drink.

"I accept your terms. I'll go out of your life, starting Monday. However, I've got a little som'n som'n to show you.".

An AK-47? An atom-bomb? A grave he dug specially for you?

"It's a surprise. Only an hour. That's all I'm asking."

Only your sanity. That's all he was asking.

You'd promised yourself you'd never take anything from Nate Jacobs again, and you'd stuck to it.

I mean.

That was until he'd offered you molly.

Molly made you happy.

Molly made you forget stuff, like college apps, the loss of your internship and the fact that you'd basically been lying to your family the entirety of last week about the scar on your forehead.

But how he'd found that out was a question for the ages. And he seemed to know exactly what molly did to you.

And you best believe he was milking it.

"I want to get a tattoo."

"Okay...?"

"Correction : I want us to get a tattoo.", he whispered, before tsk-ing at your derisive snort. "C'mon, you get to draw whatever you want on me and I'll get it tattooed, I promise!"

"Tattoos are permanent, Nate."

"And you know what? So am I. In your life. In your head. On your lips.", he reminded, grinning mischievously, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth.

You barely fought against him - the ecstasy sprinting through your blood vessels - and you found yourself lying back on the grass, his hands bracketing your hair.

"Just fucking draw something on me, Y/N. Come on. And I'll draw something on you. Yeah? Sound good?", he asked, his hand creeping up your shirt with surprising reverence.

He chuckled breathily against your lips, shaking his head as he rolled off you, lying next to you.

"I'll draw something nice and meaningful. And you get to, as well. Nothing cheesy, though. Like a fucking arrow-heart or an anchor or some shit."

"How about a star?"

"What, a star is not cheesy? That's the cheesiest thing ever. That's the pussy tattoo.", he muttered, before looking up at your eyes, sighing magnanimously. "What kind of star?"

"The ones that are hard to draw. With all the lines."

"Really, Y/N? I give you the chance to mark my body up and you want the hardest thing to draw from second grade?"

"Where'd you want it?"

"Where will you be willing to touch me?"

That was a million dollar question. Willing is a very subjective term.

"Neck. Under my ear."

You nodded, taking the pen he'd brought and gently tracing out a couple stars under his neck. He played with some of your hair that had fallen in front of his face, with terrifying dedication, as you did so. "Yeah. Done. You actually getting this tattooed?"

"Now you.", he ordered, grabbing your wrist, not answering the question. Red flag number eleven thousand. The pen lid in his mouth and a focused furrow to his brow, he began drawing.

"Infinity symbol.", he informed you, before you could even ask.

"Why?"

"I dunno. It's meaningful. 'To infinity and beyond'. Favourite Disney Movie, right?"

"That is not my favourite-"

"Yeah, well, it's mine. Buzz Lightyear is like, my hero.", he muttered, rubbing his thumb over the drawing and then kissing it softly, all while looking at you.

"Really? You seem like a Big Hero 6 guy to me."

He laughed deeper. "You always take me so seriously."

"Fuuuck, I know I'm not supposed to say this..."

He lolled his head over to you. "You could tell me you're Ted Bundy reincarnate and I'd still smash."

You decided to ignore that comment. "I'm not supposed to say this, but... but I get why Rue did it. Like Jesus fucking Christ."

He nodded in understanding, looking at the tiny packet that still had a couple pills in it. "She was just too weak to limit herself. But we got no limits. You got infinity on your wrist."

"Look, Nate, I can't tattoo that shit. My family would kill themselves."

"Same."

"Then why did you-"

"We're gonna do something that could go either way. It could either freak you out or turn you on. On the off chance that it's both, then we're more similar than you realize.", he slurred, lazily brushing hair behind your ear. "'Kay?"

"What are we gonna do?", you asked, trying your hardest to pull away, but the ecstasy made you genuinely defenceless against human touch. And it didn't help that Nate was holding your arms tightly down on the ground, as if he were trying to plant roots.

"We're going to carve the tattoos."

He said it so conspiratorially. As though this was your secret to surviving the zombie apocalypse. And his fucking eyes. Glowing like fireworks. Glowing like a child finally being told he could get what he wanted for Christmas.

"WHAT?!"

He licked his lips with an almost roll of his eyes as he looked up at you, because you were so clearly overreacting, right? Slitting your own skin in the shape of an infinity on it was a perfectly normal teenage activity. Of course. Drinking, smoking, fucking, slicing.

"I'll do it. I'm experienced, as you know.", he scoffed, his lips at your shoulder now. "We only have about fifteen minutes left of your curfew, Y/N, please. Please? Play nice."

The molly was clouding your senses, clearly. You could tell because a) you were still having this conversation and b) you didn't even question how he knew what time your curfew was, and c) you hadn't punched him yet.

"Think about it, it's less permanent than a tattoo, baby, please."

And then he placed another one of those little pink pills on your tongue, pressing down and forcing you to swallow.

MONDAY.

The scream came too late to your liking.

You'd tried to scream faster, but everything had come rushing back to you. The fever dream was not a dream. It's always relieving when terrible 'realities' end up only being dreams. It's a different kind of terror when you realize that the nightmare was real.

The number eighteen was etched on your wrist like a pathetic mark, like... like a brand.

You couldn't even begin to figure out just what the fuck that was supposed to be. Eighteen? How was that meaningful? The year it becomes legal to have sex? Freedom, maybe? Joy?

He wanted this aneurysm in your head. He'd placed it there.

FUCK !

FRIDAY.

"What? What is it you want?!"

He frowned, his face softening out of genuine confusion, making him look almost comically harmless in the harsh stadium lighting. "You said you'd still fist-bump me."

"What does 18 mean?"

He shrugged, holding out his fist. You rolled your eyes, bumping it with your own. And then, after telling yourself you were imagining the ghost of a smirk on his lips, you froze. Because he'd turned, running off to the middle of the field. You saw his back.

His jersey. 18. FUCK. He blew you a kiss about two seconds before the ball was passed to him. 18. FUCK.

"Did you just fist-bump Nate?"

"Yeah."

"Why?", asked Maddy, scoffing softly.

"He was talking to me about the project and then he said he had to go, so I wished him luck and... I guess I fist-bumped him."

"Oh, yeah, ew, the project. How's that going?"

"I scrapped it."

"Why?", she questioned, after shaking her pom-poms and screaming out some over-enthusiastic cheer.

"I don't fucking like him. At all. He's a DICK."

"What? No way. I had no idea.", she muttered sardonically, slinging an arm around your shoulder. "But was it, like, really bad?"

You nodded.

"After the game, you wanna do molly?"

"No." The reply was almost immediate.

"You don't wanna do molly? Don't bullshit me. Shut up. You're doing it with me."

You'd have hugged Maddy for knowing you so well if you weren't so focused on the big, blue, number 18 running on the field, matching the big, red one staying still on your wrist.

FRIDAY, 9PM

Staying over at Maddy's was an offer you shouldn't have declined, because it was getting genuinely infuriating how Nate found out things.

You were still extremely lacking in sobriety when he'd crawled into your bed that night, covering your mouth to make sure you didn't scream. How? Million dollar question.

"You want me to tell you a secret?"

"A secret? Wait, not some bullshit about my lips that you came up with?"

"I listened to Queen."

You sat up. "WHAT?"

He chuckled, sitting up as well and tilting his head while resting it on his knees. "What? Elvis, too. I even watched Blue Hawaii. I low-key liked it. Why? Would it have changed your mind?"

You frowned for a moment, before shaking your head. "Still would've been nice to know."

"Okay, how about you just kiss me now, Rue 2.0?", he asked, tracing out the number eighteen on your wrist before looking up at you through slightly furrowed brows. That was a challenge, of sorts, that gaze.

"You have something to ask me." Didn't take a genius to figure it out. Insinuation was painted all over his face. He had an accusation and he needed you to defend it.

"When Shane fucked you, where'd he come?"

You frowned, staring at him for a moment. "Yo, I- what? Where is this coming from?"

"At practice he was saying he fucked you."

"He's a dickwad, of course he did."

"It doesn't bother you that he's spreading that shit?"

"If I paid attention to every rumour some butthurt, fragile-ego jock spread about me, I wouldn't have time to fucking study."

"Your reputation's gone, though. That's fine for you?"

You sucked on your teeth for a moment before exhaling. "You're here to find out if I'm easy?"

He looked at you for a moment, his expression unreadable.

"If I did this, Y/N, would you stop me?", he asked, shifting to his knees at the foot of the bed. "Hm? If I just...", he trailed off, kissing up your knee to your thigh.

"Nate. Stop."

"That's not stopping me.", he murmured, gripping your back and yanking you closer.

You kicked him away, grimacing. "Get out."

He gazed up at you, and for a moment there, it seemed like he was rooting for you, for the rumours to just be cruel rumours and not true.

"Get OUT!"

"You can't let me kiss you and then just... it doesn't work like that."

The world looked glittery and he looked godly kneeling down there.

His tongue licked slowly up your inner thigh. "C'mon. Take it off. It's just me."

"Get out."

He rolled his eyes, yanking your shorts down himself. "I fucking...", he murmured, voice muffled against your skin. "Love you."

"You don't fucking love me!" You were struggling but it was fruitless.

"I could."

"Get out, I'm not bullshitting."

"C'mon.", he murmured, reaching up to unhook your bra before pressing a kiss to your inner thigh. "C'mon."

"No! Get off!" His hand held you down.

"Just let me-", he muttered, his fingers finally removing your underwear as he pressed a chaste kiss higher up your thigh. Your breath hitched and his smirk widened, albeit, with a bit of disappointment. "There we go."

Kicking him away, you finally snapped. Maybe it was the molly. Maybe it was his tongue. Maybe it was the fact that he'd somehow found out that molly made you make extremely bad decisions. Maybe it was the fact that he knew you wanted nothing more than to fuck him that night.

"GET THE FUCK OUT, NATE! YOU SAID YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE MONDAY, IT'S FRIDAY! GET THE FUCK OUT, PLEASE!" He took every kick and every punch like a total champ, you'd give him that.

The disappointment left, and he smiled, softly, caringly, like a mother hanging up her child's drawing on the fridge, as he wiped your tears away.

Standing up, he grabbed your hair, staring into your eyes so deeply you were half-wondering if they'd changed colour, before patting your shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

Proud for disproving a rumour?

You watched his shadow on your wall as it climbed down the window behind you.

Look, one thing could be said. Nate Jacobs was a man of his word. He did not speak to you. He did not text you. He did not acknowledge you.

You'd blocked him online and he'd blocked you in real life.

However, his other account still kept tabs on you.

Average social media interaction.

Shane Crestin ended up in the ER later that night.

Average Nate Jacobs interaction.

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

Edit: I MADE AN UPDATED ONE GO LOOK AT THAT ONE IT'S BETTER I CITED MY SOURCES AND SHOWED MY WORK AND EVERYTHING

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bitches and Bastards, Witches and Wizards, Mothers and Fuckers. Esteemed robot enjoyers, I present to you a semi-accurate height comparison of Bumblebee across the multiverse (as of July 2024). This really helps visualize the truly staggering differences between universes, at least height-wise. Also, three of these characters are Canonically the Same Guy; guess which ones.

I spent way too much time on the chart in the back it's not even funny. I will probably make more height charts for more TF characters and universes in the future. Don't expect it soon though, because when I make these, I am fueled by pure I-Got-Bored-At-Work-And-I-Have-Decided-To-Fool-Around-With-Robot-PNGs, and that fuel supply is inconsistent at best.

Hey Fun Fact, Did you know that Generation 1 Optimus Prime is around 19 Feet Tall? Bet some of you already knew that. I have no ulterior motives for bringing this fact up, what are you talking about.

My height explanations are below the cut, because you couldn't shut me up if you tried.

In an order:

Gen 1 - ~10 feet (the wiki says greater than 3 meters so I rounded up to the first whole number because round)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~10 feet (He looks identical to Gen 1 so... the reason his photo looks weird is because I couldn't find a good full body photo with him standing straight up facing the camera so I put two images together to make the worst looking photoshop job you have ever seen)

Earth Spark - 10 feet (There is no confirmed height yet but using a screen shot of him standing in front of a barn door I was able to make a reasonable guess.)

Animated - 12 feet (I have no genuine source for this, I think this info is just someone's guesstimate, but it seems reasonable. He's a tiny two door mini car, how big could he be)

New Live Action - 15 feet (The wiki hath declared. Also do we have a name for this universe because we need one I don't want to keep saying like 6 words to differentiate this one from bayverse)

Bayverse V1 - 16 feet (This is like the first 3 movies minimum, I don't remember when he hits his growth spurt. also wiki my love)

Cyberverse - 18 feet (I'm gonna be honest, the only info we have is from a really shitty screen shot of a magazine. SO if any one has a copy of this book from the video below, a high quality scan would be greatly appreciated and I will kiss the ground you walk upon. Yes I found the video where the screen shot comes from leave me alone)

Bayverse V2 - 18 feet (movie 4-5 I can't remember which one, I'm not re-looking this up. I fucking love the bayverse tho, this is the only universe with concrete and consistent this-character-is-this-height info)

Aligned Cont. WF/FOC - 20 feet (video game info screens you god send, kiss me sweetly)

Aligned Cont. TFP/RID15 - 21 feet (I do not know exactly where these numbers were found, but I fully fucking believe them. Just by looking at these characters on the show I can verify these numbers in my mind. They made specifically this universe to be full of freakishly tall robots for some fucking reason.)

And for any one who doesn't know, the three tallest are the same guy. Like the 20 feet tall one and the 21 feet tall ones, same guy. The ones in three wildly different art styles and designs. Let that sink in...

I fucking hate the aligned continuity why is that one my favorite.

[darlingbabyboo]

"M-maybe! "

The captains of Toman aren't subtle, not in the slightest!

Mikey and subtlety should never be in the same sentence unless not is in between them. He doesn't mind that at all. He's so in love with you and everyone should know it, including you! Whether you like him back or not, Mikey's throwing you his heart. He has heart eyes when you're around, always giving you his jacket (and making sure you know how good you look), and even shares his snacks. Mikey loves you so much and when makes those (♥_♥) eyes, how could you not love him back???

Draken is rough with his love and everyone knows it. He grew up in a brothel, give him a break, the only thing that he was taught about love is what not to do (consent king 👑). Everyone can see how hard he tries though, he's giving you flowers (even if he thinks flowers are a bit ridiculous), walking you home, making sure that other guys know to back off (I mean, he's over 6 feet and knows how to fight, no one wants to square up with him). His priorities are 1) you to be safe and 2) you to be living your best life. Draken doesn't do the romance thing, but he loves you from his head to his toes (and that's a lot of love for someone so tall 🩷)

Mitsuya is the exact opposite of Draken. Just because he knows how to fight, doesn't mean that he has to bring it to you. He cares about you so much and wants you to live your best life in luxury. Clothes made for a queen, spending the spare money he has on taking you to your favourite places, always paying attention to your smallest needs. He doesn't want to see a chip on your fingers or a heavy sigh leave your lips. He doesn't care about how obvious he is. All he knows is that you're a goddess, and he's gonna treat you like one.

Baji is crazy, and has a bit of an eccentric way of expressing his love. One day, he's setting fire to a guys car because he looked at you funny, then he's filling your apartment with roses because he was looking through a most romantic gestures list. Baji has a rough and soft side. It's a bit of a ride for you when Baji's in love with you, but would you want him any other way. What other guy is going to give you chocolates after beating the shit out of someone.

Smiley might also have a smile on his face, but that doesn't mean he's happy. With you though, you're gonna see his all new attitude. He's not putting any death threats, not cracking his knuckles, not starting any fights (okay, maybe a little, but that's only to defend you). Smiley prefers simple gestures to big romantic ones but, hey! What makes someone feel more loved than a home cooked meal and a warm atmosphere.

Mucho is a traditional fool 🙄. Bet the bitch even calls it "courting". He might be a little stubborn with how he decides to approach you (will not take you out until " courting" is over) but it can be a bit heartwarming. He definitely treats you right though and that's what matters.

Note: so sorry if Mucho's is bland. I don't really get him 🥲

[arisuworld]

WHAT I'VE MANIFESTED

So this list is going to be very long (I don't even remember more than half of the things I manifested tbh) as I've been manifesting from the past 3 years and i didn't manifest occasionally lol, I did it on daily basis and still do it.

I bet my kidneys that after reading this, you'll believe in the law of assumption. So sit the fuck down and read.

1. So, I love dancing and i really wanted to participate in this function organised by my school but my medical report came out very bad and my teachers and even the vice principal was against my decision (of dancing). So they strictly rejected me. I cried for hours but then I realised that I can just manifest 🤨☝️so i fucking did. I asked my mom if i could do that medical test again and I ended up doing it and the report came out good. And guess what? YOUR GURL 💅 ENDED UP DANCING💃 RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE PRINCIPAL'S FACE 🤭

2. Manifested bigger boobs 🤭🫣

3. So not long ago, my city was severely polluted and schools (only primary) were closed but pollution makes me kind of sick too 🙁 so I was like bitch, your descision doesn't matter 🖐️ and guess what? 💆

4. Manifested slim nose 🥰

5. Manifested a thigh gap long ago but I was so stupid to manifest that omg 😟 bUT now I manifested thunder thighs 🤭

6. Manifested thin hair... CAN I SLAP MY OLD SELF LIKE PLEASE?? I HAD LONG THICK HAIR BUT I MANIFESTED THIN HAIR 😭 BUt 🖐️ it's okay, now I'm gonna manifest thick hair 🥸

7. Cancelling tests everyday 💃💃💃💃

8. Manifested my teachers to be absent 👹 (UNCOUNTABLE TIMESS SKDJSK)

9. Manifested good grades 🤲 even for my bestie 🥰

10. OMG GUYS IDK HOW I ALMOST FORGOT THIS ONE!! So my dad is very strict and he never allowed me to go on picnics but this time i thought I'll just manifest it. And my mom said, "this time it won't work" 😟 (because my health was worst in the past months and long story short, i would faint out of nowhere for too long) BUT GUYS, your gurl persisted and it MANIFESTED!!! 🤭🤭🤭

11. So for the picnic, i really wanted this specific shorts but i couldn't find them anywhere like ughh. I was so frustrated but then I manifested it in minutes 🥴

12. Food because I LOVE FOOD 🥺🫶

13. Manifested a cute traditional dress. Almost all of the shops were out of it and I was so sad 😟 because I've always wanted it then i thought like "why be sad when I can just manifest?" 🥸☝️ AND GUYS I FOUND THE EXACT SAME DRESS I WANTED (FROM TEXTURE TO COLOUR) WITHIN MINUTESSSSS 🥴

14. Manifested my mom to allow me to hangout with my bff 🤭 because your gurl's parents are very strict 😟

15. Manifested the submission date to extend 💆

16. Manifested my mean teacher to like me 🥺

17. Manifested a cutee baggy pants like omg it's so akdjskksjs I LOVE IT 🥰🤩😍🥺🫣🤭

18. I be changing weather on daily basis like I'm changing my clothes 👾

19. Manifested periods cramps away.. I hate this bitch 🙄

20. Manifested my bff's sickness away LIKE SO MANY TIMES 🫸

[starshapedb0x]

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐌 ✧˚ · .

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: You’re studying to be an engineer and cars have always been your passion, making it big on social media with your achievements.. and catching the eye of a certain Monegasque.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: None really! Just a cute social media au. The reader gets hate from a lot of fans, that’s worth mentioning.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Charles Leclerc x engineerstudent!reader

𝐀/𝐍: I’m so sorry I took a big break hehe! I went on vacation and couldn’t update or even upload this! Hope you enjoy it xo 💋

yourusername

liked by charlesleclerc and 108 others.

yourusername someone should’ve told me.

view all 45 comments

yourbsf good luck girl

yourusername pls get me starbies

username I need ur notes.

yourusername I’ll help u study come in

username HELLO? WHY DID CHARLES LECLERC LIKE THIS POST?

username girl I wouldn’t worry, she is a car focused engineer soo it’s normal he’s into this stuff

charles_leclerc

liked by scuderiaferrari and 1 711 796 others.

charles_leclerc homerace 🔜

view all 7 356 comments.

yourusername can’t wait!!

liked by charlesleclerc

username AND HE LIKES HER COMMENTS

username she was invited to the next gp, and it is his homerace, stop stirring the pot bae 💀

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc and 3 472 others.

yourusername working on a new carr

view all 1 005 comments.

charles_leclerc never wished I was a car so bad

liked by yourusername

username WHAT

username HELLO?!

username shes so cool guys

username best engineer out there

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername and 8 965 247 others.

charles_leclerc Not our best race, but the best company.

view all 10 983 comments.

yourusername you did great out there.

charles_leclerc ❤️

username there’s no way

username theyre so cute

username they’re not even a thing

username they totally are!!! She’s fixing those engines while he hands her the silly little tools.

yourusername

liked by scuderiaferrari and 6 550 021 others

yourusername thank you, Ferrari for the opportunity to watch your engineers while working. It’s insane how much I’ve learned and how much these people work themselves all day, yet are terribly underrated when it comes to the press and media.

username u dropped this babe 👑

username more of Y/N in the races pls!!!!! She explains everything so well, her blog is 😻😻

charles_leclerc hope you return

carlossainz55 great having you there this weekend, y/n

maxverstappen1 perhaps next time to the bull garage..

yourusername Although I am a red girl… your cars are too good I need to learn please 🙏

yourusername

liked by redbullracing and 7 274 827 others.

yourusername They did have me there guys.. but Max threatened he’d stop talking to me if I revealed their car’s secrets.

maxverstappen1 Never said that ! (Keep those complicated engineering sketches to yourself.)

username girl is a homie hopper…

charles_leclerc chérie.. your color is totally red.

username WHATTT

username no way y’all

charles_leclerc, yourusername

liked by scuderiaferrari and 7 958 133

charles_leclerc My pr manager said it was okay now, so to my favorite future engineer who works herself off everyday.

username called it u little bitches

username now we know how she got those paddock passes.. social climbing ig.

maxverstappen1 she will be blue. 💙

charles_leclerc 😂

username lol this girl isn’t studying to be an engineer she’s taking advantage of the dude

username ugh and I thought I’d found someone genuinely trying to help us stem girls.

username bet she’s gonna stop working on everything now that she’s got him.

f1goss1p

liked by 193 283

f1goss1p new wag alert! Y/N and Charles Leclerc have come out with their relationship.. but his fans don’t seem to be taking well. As for me, I say grow up. She’s a talented engineer, a straight A student and a hardworking person.. stop hating on someone because they’ve achieved your dream, work for it yourself. Stop making this beautiful girl cry.

view all 2948 comments

username ok gossip account ate

username the haters real quiet now

Should I make a part 2 guys 🤭🤭

(Also part two to This summer coming soon 🔜)

[starry-bi-sky]

Clone Danny Interlude: Dani with an i

Just some miscellaneous stuff i thought up while thinking of Dani in the Clone Danny au that i will put in a bullet list. I have part 5 mostly written since yesterday but i wanted to make this before i finished part 5

Dani typically goes by Ellie, Ell, or Ella.

Ellie is the same age as Danny, they have adopted each other as twins. Danny is the older twin for obvious reasons

(They also have a twin sense thanks to ectoplasm bs)

Ellie is a Halfa unlike Danny. Vlad went through many trial and error to make a halfa from scratch but he did it.

She has a ghost form but instead of looking like canon or wearing a jumpsuit, her outfit is an invert of Danny's "Phantom" gear. White hoodie, white vest, white pants and boots, and a black Casey Jones mask. the only thing thats the same is the eery green eyes.

(Danny's Phantom gear already was creepy on its own, but Ellie amps up the creep factor by eleven. Danny is a cryptid. Ellie however is horrifying to look at.)

Ellie has the same family-based ghost obsession as Danny. The only difference is that Danny will die for his loved ones, and Ellie will kill for them

Ellie has the scary dog privileges. I am giving her the scary dog privileges, as a treat. My girl's been alive for like, a year and she won't hesitate to BITE

“Danny goes berserk when Dani gets hurt” except its in reverse. Danny is the fleshy human kid with ghost detecting powers and Ellie is the ghostly human kid with the plasma-blaster fists who will throw fists with a bitch if they even so much as breathe wrong in her big brother���s direction.

Skulker took it too far in a fight once and Ellie tore his armor to shreds. Danny would have done the same too tbh

She has an electric core. When she’s enraged she looks like the witch in ParaNorman

Ellie and Danny are practically identical to each other minus a few minor details. Put them through a genderswap filter and they'll look just like each other

She nearly named her ghost form 'Motnaph' since it was Phantom in reverse, but she changed it to Spirit instead.

Ellie can purposely give people static shocks and does it regularly as a prank on Danny.

You would never think that Ellie came into existence recently by how close she and Danny are. She's quickly become one of his best friends and vice versa.

She usually chills in the ghost zone when she's not with Danny and his friends, or traveling. She also has a phone and Danny's number.

Ellie thinks Danny should tell Bruce about his existence, but she also understands Danny's reasoning (they can't promise Bruce will react positively to being cloned nor can they bet on Bruce accepting them like Danny accepted Dani) and doesn't push the idea hard

she still encourages the idea

Ellie has the creepy Dick Grayson's Robin giggle

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 4.5 (Dani interlude) Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.5 (Dan Interlude) Part 8

[heartss4matthewq]

NOTHING TURNS TO SOMETHING (pt.1)

Summary: You’ve known chris your whole life. When he gets a girlfriend you are happy for him, right?

Warnings: fluff, dom!chris, fem!reader,

—————————

CHRIS POV

7:00 PM

“matt hurry the fuck up we gotta pick up mya” i said.

mya is my girlfriend. we recently got together and our 6 month is coming up so i decided to take her out for dinner. We’ve been arguing a little more recently. I thought this would be a nice gesture.

“yo why don’t you shut the fuck up and get your drivers license then maybe you could pick her up yourself!” matt yells

“bro can you guys stop arguing, matt you do need to hurry up though chris doesn’t wanna be late” nick says

“wait mya’s calling me hold on” i said answering her call.

📞

“hey”

“hey, what’s up?”

“soo i kinda cant make it tonight..”

“what? why?” i said clearly upset

“well you know zack right? my best friend?”

“yeahhh…?”

“well he’s coming over cause’ like he called me and asked if i was busy but i kinda told him no and i missed him because we haven’t seen eachother since like….october so yeah sorry”

i heard her start..laughing? was she already with him?

“uh that’s fine i guess, i just thought we could have a night to ourselves”

“yeah well sorry but goodnight, bye chris.” she hung up on me.

📞

well what the fuck.

—————————

Y/N POV

8:08 PM

i was about to fall asleep when i got a text from chris

i’ve always said i was happy for chris and mya but was i?

i have had a crush on chris since i was little.

i know it’s bad and i truly am happy he found someone but, why couldn’t it be me?

8:30 PM

“bro lowkey mya’s a bitch don’t mind her” matt says to chris

“yeah exactly i mean i’m not tryna dawg on her but why would she do that if she knew you wanted to do this tonight??” i said sounding annoyed.

“yeah i don’t know guys i’ll just talk to her tomorrow morning, i mean she hasn’t seen him for a while.” chris wants to make the situation sound better.

“yeah you fucking better” nick says emerging from his room.

a couple hours pass and we had just been playing games and laughing until…

—————————

CHRIS POV

“guys myas calling!!” i said laughing a little.

📞

“i think we should talk” my face immediately drops

“uh about what??”

“we need to break up.”

“what?” i said clearing my throat

“i said we should break up.” she says firmer than before

“why, i thought we were okay?”

“well we aren’t, plus zach doesn’t like you so..” she trails off

“so that’s it? we’re done like that?”

“i mean yeah, that’s what i said.”

silence.

“also i’ve been sleeping with zach for 3 months”

“what?” i said angry and upset

“yeah, love ya, peace out chrissy”

📞

—————————

Y/N POV

everyone has fallen asleep by this point except me and chris.

we all tried comforting him but nothing seemed to work.

“it’s okay chris, it isn’t your fault she’s a self centered bitch” i said wiping his cheeks.

“yeah but what if i wasn’t giving her what she wanted. and she said she was sleeping with zach for 3 months” he said through sobs

“she did FUCKING what??”

“yeah, i know. what if i’m bad at sex and she just hates me because i couldnt give her what she wanted”

“chris i’m sure you’re good at sex and she’s just talking out of her ass, i bet zach can’t even make her cum” i said laughing

“yeah, maybe”

an awkward silence fills the room

“can i show you that i’m good at sex?”

———————————————————————

[cakepoppresent]

Don't Let Me Slap You

Would Gideon actually beat the shit outta Malcolm if Veronica asked? No, but he would scare Malcolm a little cuz he would think it's funny

Transcript under the cut~

Veronica: Let me know. Should I beat your ass now or later?

Malcolm: What the hell did I do?

Veronica: Oh! So I should slap some sense into that thick skull of yours too?

Malcolm: I didn’t DO anything!

Veronica: Malcolm.

Veronica: Just think critically for 5 minutes. Do you think ignoring her messages and calls is any better?

Malcolm: I didn’t do anything. She shouldn’t be interested in looking for Andre. It's stupid and it's only going to get her hurt

Veronica: It’s like you want me to slap you in front of all these people

Malcolm: She’s the one that walked out on me.

Malcolm: I thought you’d be on my side.

Veronica: Lets use our thinking caps right now. You know you’re both very important to me yes?

Malcolm: Yes...

Veronica: So why did you think I’d side with you when your acting like an manipulative asshole. Is that how I raised you?

Malcolm: I’m...not being manipulative!!

Veronica: Refusing to talk to her? Ignoring her calls? Benji limits his contact with her so he won’t make YOU angry. All because she’s doing something you don’t want. Explain how that’s not manipulative.

Malcolm: *standing in slience foolishly*

Veronica: Well?? I’m waiting. Am I wrong?

Malcolm: *Refuses to answer*

Veronica: Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Malcolm: Why is no one on my side in this ?! Why am I in the wrong! Is it wrong to want to protect my peace?!

Veronica: Your way of protecting your peace means punishing Luna for wanting to do something you don’t like! That's unacceptable and I need you to cut that shit out TODAY and have an actual conversation with Luna OR ELSE I’ll get Gideon to beat the shit out of you

Malcolm: God! This isn’t FAIR. Its like no one is thinking about me or my feelings!

Veronica: Luna has ALWAYS put you first and you KNOW that.

Veronica: Let me ask you. That business man she’s been dating has she introduced him to you at all?

Malcolm:...She’s still seeing that scay ass dude?

Veronica: She’s been seeing that man for a YEAR and you know why she hasn’t introduced you? Do you wanna know?

Malcolm:....

Veronica: Because she KNOWS you don’t like him and doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Your feelings ALWAYS come first and it's pissing me off that the one time she wants to do something you’re punishing her for it.

Veronica: I’m giving you until the end of the fucking week to reach out to Luna and apologize for your shitty actions or I swear to God I’ll get Gidon to beat the fucking shit out of you. Do you understand?

Malcolm: FINE! Fuck whatever.

Veronica: Yeah thats what I fucking thought. Don’t make Luna cry and actually TALK to her

Malcolm: Wait...Shut up do you hear that?

Veronica: I beg your pardon? Are you insane?

Loser #1: Did you see that stuff about Luna online?

Loser #2: Be specific there is a bunch of shit being said about her

Loser #1: They’re saying that the dude she's been seen with is her “sponsor”. I guess since shes pimping herself out to the highest bidder

Loser #2: Hahaha shes “High Class” she won’t look at a poor man like you

Loser #1: Maybe if I take out a loan she would roll in the sack with me. It's clear she's in need of funds her family is in shambles!

Malcolm: I dare you to say that shit again. I fucking dare you

Loser #1: What the fuck is your problem

Malcolm: Say that shit again!

Loser #1: You’re mad about what I said about that whore of an actress? Who cares!

Malcolm: Bet.

Malcolm: If I fucking see or hear you on this campus again ima put your bitch ass 6 feet under do you understand?

Loser #1: What the fuck dude. Get the guck off me!

Malcolm: Do. You. Understand?

Loser #1: Yes! Jesus Christ you bastard get off me!

[unreesonable]

A pre-TV Pauline comic by Reece. Also features a character called Mickey, who is very different to the Mickey Michaels we know so well. And I'm not sure if the guy with glasses and a goatee is meant to be Ross?

I've typed up the transcript - idiosyncratic punctuation and all - under the cut!

FRAME 1: On The Job Back to work with Restart Lady:- Pauline-Cambell Jones! FRAME 2: Pauline: Right gents! Shut your traps and watch Miss. Since you've all been on the dole for over a year - they've sent you to me for training! But since there's no hope for any of you I thought we'd go back to basics... FRAME 3:

Pauline: Who know's what this is?... ... that's 'wright' it's a pen!

FRAME 4:

Pauline: What's it for? FRAME 5:

Pauline: Oh come on... I've already given you a really good clue...

Mickey: Puttin' bet's on FRAME 6:

Pauline: Thankyou Mickey! I was beginning to think you were actually stupider than you look! "Puttin bet's on!" Good - Anyone else use a pen? FRAME 7:

Frank: Writing letters to your ex-wife in her new home. Or others...

Woman: ...What do you mean 'others'

FRAME 8:

Pauline: You mean for jobs don't you Frank!

FRAME 9:

Frank: No! I mean writing to other women! Bitches! You cow Pauline!

FRAME 10:

Pauline: Grab him gents! I'll get help!

Mickey: Mad bastard!

Man: Oh dear.

Woman: Fuck.

FRAME 11:

Frank: Come back! Whores! My work! The experiment! Bitches! Pauline's!! All of them! Urrrggh!

FRAME 12:

Later...

Pauline: And it'll almost certainly affect his dole...

FRAME 13:

Pauline: ...And even though he's mad - he still has to be here all week. You all do!

Mickey: (thinks) I hope I've won the four o'clock

Woman: (thinks) So much for me saying I had an audition...

Man: (thinks) And I thought I could declare a weeks work. Shit.

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 6

And we're back on this story. I didn't get as much Halloween stories in as I wanted, but there is still a week and half left in the month so I might get a couple of one-shots out before the big day. I have one with the older teens dressing up as RHPS characters for a midnight showing I'm part of the way through that might get done in time. We'll see.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

***

Eddie hadn’t seen Steve in close to an hour and it was starting to worry him.

He been bombarded with commiseration after commiseration from friends of his grandma and their families. All the Munson family was already here.

Almost.

As far as Eddie knew, Al Munson was still in some jail in Texas for grand theft auto. His third strike in the state of Texas. Who knows how many strikes he had in other states. Wayne wasn’t telling, and Eddie wasn’t asking.

He was standing there in his best jeans and nice black button up. It wasn’t what he was going to wear to the funeral, Wayne had raised him better than that. But he thought it was nice for a wake.

And it wasn’t as though Steve was dressed up either. He was wearing khakis and a grey Henley.

But all around him Eddie could feel the eyes of the other mourners, looking at him, judging him, and absolutely finding him wanting.

He stood in the corner, sinking further and further from view as he felt assaulted by their glares.

Suddenly there was a warm hand on his back and voice in his ear telling him to take a walk outside with him.

He let Steve lead him out of the house and onto the porch.

Steve pulled out a cigarette and lit it, handing it to Eddie and then lighting one of his own.

“You grandma must have been one hell of a lady to have that many mourners at her wake,” Steve said after a moment or two of smoking in silence.

Eddie snorted. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, pretty boy. This is just close friends and family. Tomorrow’s gonna be the real shindig. It’s going to be standing room only in the church.” He paused. “Ah, shit. That’s going to be okay, right? Going to a Catholic church?”

Steve scoffed. “Yeah, that’s fine. Not religious myself. Kinda hard to be when you’ve seen the worst of humanity and actual fucking monsters.”

Eddie look a long drag of his cigarette. “I feel that. Stopped believing in God when I heard that AIDS was one of God’s modern plagues against the unrighteous.”

Steve shook his head. “That fucking blows. I figure if there was a Jesus, he was like El, you know? Just extra human, no God required.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah. I bet that’s what it was. Thanks for that.” He raised his cigarette. “And this.”

Steve bumped their shoulders together. “No trouble, Eds. I could hear what they were saying about you behind your back and I thought you could use the break.”

“You thought right, Stevie,” he agreed. “Not a Christian heart in a single one of those church goers.”

Steve hummed. “This is what I’m here for on this trip, okay? I will put myself between you and those hateful people.”

Eddie laid his head on Steve’s shoulder. “God, it’s on top of everything else, you know. The six hour drive yesterday. My aunt being a bitch to you even though you didn’t deserve it. Putting on my second best clothes and still not being good enough for them.”

“They look at you and see your dad, huh?”

Eddie froze bringing the cigarette to his mouth and turned to Steve in shock. “How the hell did you know that?”

Steve shrugged. “My parents used to throw these big parties for Christmas and their anniversary. Like BIG parties. Blow your uncle’s yearly wages on a fucking party, big. The last was when I was sixteen, right? And I could hear all the whispers about how much I looked like him and how I must be just like him. Booze, women, and lavish parties full of people that wanted to kiss my ass.”

The cigarette fell out of Eddie’s mouth and landed on his lap. He brushed it off quickly, cursing and patting at his crouch so that he wouldn’t get burned.

Steve laughed.

“Fuck you.”

Eddie stomped out the cigarette to ease his bruised ego. He huffed out a sigh. “Is that part of the reason for the attitude change? Because everyone credits Nancy and Jonathan for the cognitive readjustment, but it started before that.”

Steve frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Before you started dating Nancy, you stopped the big parties at your house,” Eddie said. “Hagan told me it was because your dad caught you, but that wasn’t it, was it?”

Steve’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. “Holy shit. I didn’t even realize.”

“You started to clean up your act for Nancy, sure,” he continued. “But you started down that path before you started dating.”

Steve stubbed out his cigarette. “I saw you listening to Depeche Mode earlier when we had finished cleaning up the house...”

Eddie straightened up. He had listened to the tape. The song Lauren had queued up for him, especially. That one over and over.

“You into BDSM there, Stevie boy?” he said with a teasing grin.

Steve laughed. “Oh god, that one. Yeah, no, man. You know the song I mean.”

“You want to tell me what went down there?” Eddie asked. “Don’t spare Nancy for the sake of my feelings, okay? You’re more important to me then some chick.”

“She had a thing for Jonathan,” he explained. “Broke up with me for a month and then came running back. I didn’t think too much of it, you know? I was just happy that she was back. I tried to be the best boyfriend I could. I don’t think I succeeded. Then I made the mistake of using the words ‘normal teenagers’ because I wanted to go to some Halloween party.”

Steve let out a shuddering breath. “She started drinking heavily that night. Like more than someone her stature should. I tried to get her stop and I spilled the drink all down her white dress. So we went to the bathroom to clean it up. She called me bullshit. Said our relationship was bullshit.”

“Holy fucking hell, dude,” Eddie whispered.

Steve shook his head. “I thought it was just a bad fight. Even though everyone at school was calling it a breakup. I didn’t believe it. I bought her flowers to apologize. Fucking roses.” He was on his feet and pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. “But she wasn’t home. Oh no. Her and Jonathan were on a fact-finding mission. And a fuck finding mission, apparently.”

Eddie leaned forward in shock. “She slept with Jonathan?”

Steve stopped, frozen still. He took a deep breath and let it out slow. “I still thought we were dating. She didn’t. It’s why I don’t tell people. Because she thinks she didn’t cheat on me and I think she did.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he said, looking down at his stark white tennis shoes in utter despair.

Eddie was on his feet and giving Steve a huge hug. “Thank you for telling me. I get why the music spoke to you and I won’t begrudge anyone loving music that helped them through rough times, okay?”

Steve nodded into Eddie neck, trying to not to sob.

When Aunt Penny came out a while later she found both boys just crying into each other’s arms.

“Boys,” she said gently. “It’s time for the toast to Gina.”

They reluctantly let go of each other and wiped their faces with their hands.

Wayne handed them glasses when they entered the front room. Penny picked up her glass.

“To Gina Munson!”

“Salut!” they all cheered.

Eddie and Steve knocked back their drinks with the rest of them.

There was more socializing after the toast, but this time Eddie had Steve at his side and every time they glared at Eddie, Steve would wink at them causing them to flush in embarrassment and turn away.

Finally everyone had gone, the food had been cleared away and the mess cleaned up.

Eddie and Steve silently made their way to the room they shared.

“I wanted to thank you for earlier,” Eddie said as they slowly got ready for bed.

Steve straightened up from where he had been pulling on his pajama bottoms. “For what?”

“For everything, I guess,” Eddie murmured. “For fending off bullshit...not even relatives, but friends of the family, I guess. For telling me about Nancy even though it was clear you didn’t want to. For coming on this trip in the first place. I probably would have thrown hands already if it wasn’t for you.”

Steve pulled up his pants and padded over to him to pull him into a hug. “I do it for any of our friends, Eds. But I’m glad I’m helping. I’m glad that you told me you needed me for this.”

“Single best decision of my life so far,” Eddie mumbled into Steve’s neck. “Wayne thinks so too.”

Steve laughed. “Well if Wayne says so it must be true.”

Eddie chuckled. “He is pretty smart.”

They crawled into bed and faced each other under the blanket.

“What’s really bothering you, Eds?” Steve whispered. “I can tell there’s something bothering you, but I can’t figure it out.”

Eddie pursed his lips. “It’s the stares and snide remarks, I guess. I know that like back home they all think I did it. That I killed Chrissy and Patrick and Fred. That I’m just like my dad. Maybe even worse.”

Steve pulled him close. “We know the truth. Wayne knows the truth. The people that love you know the truth. You’re a bona fide hero, Eddie Munson. They can all burn in hell if there is one.”

Eddie shook his head. “It’s more than that, I think. It’s that despite seeing me for a month every summer, that they would even think me capable of such violence. I had grown up with these people. How could they think that of me?”

“Small-minded people will always think the worst of you,” Steve murmured. “I know, it sucks. But here’s the best part about being an adult. If you wanted to, you never have to see them again in your life. You can cut them out and that’s all the say they have in the matter.”

Eddie sighed. “Thanks.”

Steve just held on until they both fell asleep.

*

The day of the funeral dawned cloudy and grey as if nature, too, grieved the loss of Gina Munson. Cherished wife, beloved mother, and devoted grandmother.

Eddie and Steve dressed in solemn silence. Eddie pulled on a pair of black high-waisted trousers that he had found at a thrift store before they left. He put on the black button up from the night before and rolled up the sleeves. Over the top went a nice dark grey vest. He wore his nice, white sneakers. He strapped on bracelets and bangles on his wrists and chains and necklaces around his scar on his neck.

His wasn’t as noticeable as Steve’s but he had had enough of his grandmother and aunt’s friends eyes flicking toward it and sneering last night to last a life time thank you.

Steve was dressed similarly. The nice black slacks, the black button up (buttoned neatly at his wrists), a dark grey sweater vest. He wore a suit coat over the top and nice silver tie. His shoes were shined mirror bright and his hair artfully done.

Wayne, Steve and Eddie decided to all go in Steve’s car to the funeral. They pulled into the spots reserved for family and made their way into the church. As Eddie predicted it was standing room only. They walked all the way up the aisle to where the first row had been designated for the family, too.

They sat down and the service began.

Eddie sat there, tears streaming down his face, tucked into Wayne’s arm. Steve took his hand and held on as the Father droned on and on about the life of a good woman.

The pallbearers stood up. Wayne, Oliver, Eddie, Danny, and two good friends of Gina’s lifted her coffin onto their shoulders and marched down the aisle to “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” played on the organ.

They carried the casket out into the cemetery and slid her gently onto the straps that would be used to lower her into grave.

Eddie moved back to stand next to Steve and looked out into the crowd.

He stiffened as he spotted someone near the front of the throng of people paying their respects.

Steve followed his eyes to the man standing next to a portly fellow in a black suit.

He had dark curly hair shaved on the sides. He had a neatly trimmed beard that highlighted the sharpness of his jawline. His cheekbones were as hard as his jaw and eyes. It was the eyes that really struck Steve. They were the same color as Eddie’s but so, so cold.

He bowed his head and Steve could see that his hands were clasped in front of him.

Or so he thought.

The cold man shifted from one foot to the other and Steve could see the glint of the handcuffs.

There was no doubt on who this was now.

Allen “Al” Munson had been allowed to come to his mother’s funeral.

***

Pt 7|Pt 8|Pt 9|Pt 10|Pt 11|Pt 12

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @emly03 @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @vecnuthy @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @mamafaithful @yikes-a-bee @dragonmama76

[skylarkking]

My list of NSFW headcannons for the TFA Autobots because I'm a degenerate. NSFW under cut.

Optimus

Really sensitive audial fins. Kiss or gently bite those and he MELTS

Definetly a twunk although VERY CLOSE to being a twink

Prefers to give oral over all else. I mean, he's got them BJ lips

Shivers when digits are lightly traced down his chassis

Tends to whimper during interface

Sentinel and Optimus were fuckbuddies

Ratchet

During his college years he was an absolute slut

Party Ambulance was his nickname

Very vocal during interface

He once participated in an orgy with 6 other bots

Not much of a party animal because of his age

Still knows how to do the fancy rope work from the BDSM sessions he use to attend

Prowl

Look you cannot convince me that Prowl hasn't had a kinky past

Like with that level of flexibility? Cmon

Probably did pole dancing

Huge bottom energy

Favorite position is probably doggy style

Seems to be the type to like pet play

I bet he likes the thought of being pinned down

Bumblebee

Overloads quickly but can last an insane amount of rounds

Gives off switch vibes

Into bots bigger than he is (size kink)

Sometimes gets too cocky for his own good

Inexperienced as hell but he tries

Horndog

Bulkhead

Huge into aftercare

Becomes massive teddy bear after interface

When he overloads he sometimes clings too tightly and immediately apologizes after

Because he's soft in nature I feel like that transfers to how he has interface

Prefers a slow and passionate pace rather than a quickie

Jazz

Jazz gives off vibes of a guy who has done pretty much everything yet bots are still shocked when they find out

"You did [such and such]? Why didn't you tell me?!" "You didn't ask."

Likes music to play during interface

Seems to be the type to have a lower sex drive due to his laid back nature

But that won't stop him if asked

Has fragged Sentinel just to shut him up when he's in a heat cycle

Sentinel

Whiny ass brat bottom

Even more of a little bitch boy when during his heat cycle

Secretly had a thing for Elita-1 in a frat boy kind of way

Has a huge kink for being yelled at by smaller bots

You cannot tell me he doesn't have some sort of knot mod on his spike

Jet twins

Adorably innocent

Yet oddly kinky

Since technically they are two halves of the same protoform they can feel eachother's sensations

Like if Jetfire is getting head Jetstorm can feel it as if he were the one getting it

They do everything together, and I mean everything

But I feel like Jetfire is more naive than Jetstorm so Jetstorm has to explain some things

The twins may or may not secretly want to blow Sentinel

Blurr

Definetly dated Longarm (aka Shockwave) or at least fragged him

Way hornier than the other bots because, like his movement speeds, his heat cycles happen faster than others

Vocal af, so much so that his partner(s) have to gag him to get him to shut up

Prefers his spike over his valve because he likes to frag bots silly with his speed

Ultra Magnus

You cannot tell me he and Megatron havent banged at least once during the war

Acts all serious but has a huge kink for praise

Jerks off a lot when he has the time

Despite his age his sex drive is still up there

I feel like if you kissed his servos like he was some sort of princess he'd blush SO HARD

So yeah, my headcannons for the TFA Autobots has been released to the world. Maybe I'll do Decepticons next.

[holylulusworld]

Bad Santa (2) – Two brothers

Summary: You’re an evildoer. This year, Santa is going to punish you. His evil twin brother has other plans.

Pairing: Santa!Ari Levinson x Naughty Lister!Reader x JackFrost!Steve Rogers

Warnings: naughty lister reader, mentions of being naughty/evil, implied attended cheating, punishment, kinda kidnapping, strict Ari, mentions of ice play/mild ice play (barely)

A/N: For my story, Jack Frost is Santa’s twin brother.

Bad Santa Masterlist

Catch up here: Bad Santa (1) – Level 6 Naughty Lister

“You’ll sit in that corner, thinking about all the sins you committed to reach the top of my list. When I come back, we will talk about a few rules,” Santa (Ari) growls at you.

You’re rather unimpressed by his demands. Crossing your arms over your chest, you push your tits up. Santa’s (Ari) eyes drop to your cleavage for a second. It happened so fast you’re not sure if he did look at your tits.

“I won’t tell you again, Naughty Lister!” He yells now. His voice booms through the room, making it shake. You only giggle.

Men yelled at you before. Mostly after you demanded more than their dick.

“Aw, that’s cute,” you snicker. “Do you honestly believe I buy this whole Santa shit? I bet that uptight bitch hired you to keep me away from her husband’s dick.” You snort at his angry expression. “Now, let me go. I lost interest in his dick. I get bored easily if I must put so much effort into getting dick.”

“Y/N Y/L/N!” He growls and grabs your upper arms. Santa (Ari) shakes you, only to earn another giggle.

“Do it harder, Santa,” you purr and lick your lips. “You know, this Santa outfit slowly gets me wet. If you put me over your lap, I’m all yours. Maybe you even got a nice thick rod for me.”

“What is wrong with you? Can you not think about dick for a moment? I am Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, the one and only, not some random man you can seduce! No one will fall for your trap here!”

“No one.” You smirk when his brother sneaks into the room. Jack Frost slash Steve looks a little more laid-back. “What a pity.” You fake a deep sigh. “I love me some good dick. Especially when it comes with a handsome face.”

“I—” Santa (Ari) groans and pushes you away from him. He starts pacing the room while thinking about a way to bring you back on the nice list. A naughty lister like you cannot defeat his faith in people or his festive mood.

“Allow me, brother,” Jack (Steve) says as his eyes roam your body hungrily. He’s bored most of the year. Santa rarely brings naughty listers here. He still prefers to punish the kids by not bringing them gifts. You, on the other hand, are a naughty woman ready to ride his aching cock. “You know, I’m a master at taming brats and naughty listers.”

Santa (Ari) clears his throat. You cannot know his brother can barely keep his needs under control. “No,” he simply says. “This one is on top of the naughty list. I don’t think you’ll be able to handle her.”

“I think he’ll handle me very well.” You nod at yourself as your eyes drift toward Jack Frost (Steve), Santa’s naughty brother. From the moment you met him, you knew he was a naughty one. “Those big hands are perfect for spanking my ass if I refuse to listen to him.”

Jack (Steve) can’t wait to get you alone. He only needs to trick his brother, the man who always knows what people think. “Brother, I’ve got this. Let me handle her.”

“I said no!” Santa (Ari) yells again. The walls shake, and you wonder if your boss’s wife paid extra for the special effects.

You smirk. If she keeps you away from her husband’s dick, you’ll take two for the price of one.

“How about you both try to handle me? Oh, Santa Baby,” you purr Santa’s name, “I’ll be an awful good girl if you give me that grand-prime dick you’re hiding in your pants.”

“Jack (Steve)!” Santa says, “Get her out of here before I lose control and throw her into the deepest and darkest hole I can find. I’m done with naughty listers for today.” At that, Santa (Ari) storms out of the room, leaving you to his brother.

“Damn, he’s a very good actor,” you hum to yourself. “I wonder how much that bitch paid you two. Did I see you somewhere else? Do you do commercials and stuff?” You wonder aloud while Jack (Steve) watches you with amusement. “What?”

“Doll, you still didn’t get that this is real, huh? My brother is Santa Claus, and I’m Jack Frost. We’re not fantasy figures! You’re not in Kansas anymore, that’s for sure. My brother won’t let you leave the North Pole as long as you act like a cat in heat yearning for dick.”

You wrinkle your forehead. Can this be real, or did you hit your head?

No, Santa Claus cannot be real. You didn’t believe in him since you were a kid. He let you down more than once.

“You’re slowly starting to believe us,” Jack (Steve) muses. “Why the sad face all of a sudden?” He searches your face. Unlike his brother, Jack cannot read your mind, or rather what’s in your heart.

Shaking your head, you try to push the disappointment and hurting away. Every Christmas, you have been waiting patiently for Santa to bring you a gift. The one you’ve been praying for all year.

It didn’t matter that you had been an awful good girl. He never came.

“She’s in the room for naughty listers now. I don’t know what happened, but she suddenly got sad and refused to talk to me,” Jack (Steve) tells his brother about the latest development.

“Why?” Santa (Ari) asks.

“Why what?” Jack (Steve) replies.

“Why did she get sad all of a sudden?” Searching his brother’s face, Santa (Ari) frowns. “Jack (Steve), what did you do? I want you to tell me exactly what you said to her.”

“I told her that this wasn’t a trick or a show. She had to understand that you’re Santa Claus, the real one. I told her that you won’t let her leave the North Pole if she doesn’t regret her sins.”

“Did she believe you?” Santa (Ari) asks. He watches his brother, furrowing his brows. “No lies, Jack (Steve). You know that I know if you are lying to me.”

“Brother,” Jack (Steve) sighs, “I don’t know if she believed me. I had the feeling she remembered something from her past and got sad. You’re the expert when it comes to reading minds and feelings. Do not ask me to do your job! Maybe you fucked shit up in the past!”

Jack (Steve) storms out of the room. He’s just done having the role of the bad guy all the damn time.

“What will you do if I’m a bad girl?” Back to your usual cocky self, you watch Jack (Steve) return. “Spank me? Bite me? Lick me?”

“I’ll freeze you,” he replies and taps your nose. You shudder because the tip of his finger turned blue. It’s ice-cold, but you don’t mind. “Any part of you.”

“How about you put that ice-cold finger to better use?” You lick your lips. “Did you ever use it for ice play?” You chuckle at his shocked expression. “Aw, don’t tell me Santa’s brother never got his finger inside a warm and wet pussy.”

Grabbing his hand, you guide it between your legs, pressing his cold finger against your panties. “You better not let Santa know.” His hand turns cold, and you whimper. The new sensation already has you on the edge.

“Say, are you like Elsa and can create a castle out of ice and a nice dress?” you purr and roll your hips. “Do you love to sing Let It Go, too?”

Part 3

Tags in reblog.

[isa-ghost]

you have eggza headcanons perhaps? 👉👈

I will take any headcanons of course, I love your headcanon posts

Previous Sets:

Set 1

Set 2

Set 3

Set 4

Set 5

Set 6

MORE: Eggza Edition

Starting with two I made in previous sets:

When left to his own devices & off-duty as dad + not needed by any of the islanders for something serious, he let's loose. No more wise bad bitch crow man who's palpably emotionally damaged yet won't admit it. He's off the shits. You've seen Eggza. That's him de-stressing by fully indulging his favorite things: preparing necessities for survival & being an absolute wildcard.

When he heard someone on the island made up a rumor that Eggza is legit because Phil taste-tested a cookie out of curiosity, he took that and RAN. Yeah. He's egg sometimes. Who's his parent you ask? Well that's a secret (it's Rose).

Remember how I said he commits to bits super hard? Yeah. Eggza is his second biggest bit after the 4th Wall existentialism but it's quickly surpassing it to his biggest one

Genuinely he enjoys his Eggza time. Everyone knows they'll get nothing but task help out of him more or less, so they more or less leave him alone unless it's to say hi or a chance encounter.

Everyone finds him speaking with signs funny and endearing. Except Tubbo. But that's understandable, dyslexia go brr. Even though the fool sometimes forgets he can tts the signs. It's fine, he's most likely to derail Eggza's cookie grinding so it's better if Tubbo stays away doing Tubbo things

He's torn between the kids witnessing Eggza & never witnessing Eggza. He can't tell what's funnier or if he'd be embarrassed. They've heard stories from other eggs though

He has no interest in making himself Look like an egg. The sign usage is all he needs. And its funnier when you approach your grown ass man best friend Philza Minecraft only for him to look as wild as he did during Purgatory but without the Looks Like He's Dying Slowly part & refuse to talk to you verbally. The "what the fuck is happening here" is the best part of Eggza, if he starts LOOKING like an egg everyone will understand what's going on and that's lame

He bounces off everyone's energy. The more unhinged they are, the more unhinged he is. Unless he's harassing the baker. Then he fuels his own fuckery

The funny thing is he makes sure everyone thinks he's constantly this wild gremlin that only knows one thing: Grind. But really if no one's around while he's grinding, he's actually just straight up vibing. Got headphones in, blasting his jams, doin his work. In his lane, unbothered, flourishing.

I would sell my soul to see Eggza beat the ever-loving shit out of Purgatory workers it'd be so fucking funny holy shit

One of his favorite parts of going Eggza Mode is amusing his friends with the way he's just a nonverbal weirdo. Especially when he answers something they say by just dancing

If He's An Extra Silly Gremlin They'll Give Him Avocado Toast As A Treat

No one knows where he shoos his crows off to when he's Eggza. Or if it's some unspoken "ok time to scatter" rule as soon as he puts the gas mask on by the bakery. But they disperse and for a while, the other islanders can't shake the feeling of Phil seeming strangely bare for some reason. It's bc the murder is away

Tbh I bet even without the Hardcore dreams, he'd sleep a long time with how hard he works as Eggza

"Hard work," I say, as if most of the time Phil isn't just making mobs insatiable amounts of horny so everyone can give the baker what they're asking for (the awareness of this is half of why he's so unhinged as Eggza, it's too absurd & funny to him)

Calling back to another prev non-Eggza hc I made, he has less of a filter when he's not parenting or in peril. He has said some absolutely wild out of pocket shit on signs

If given the right kind of motivation, an islander could probably get Eggza to go feral and kill something or someone. Fit tosses him a stack of whatever arbitrary item Phil might find enticing enough atm & Phil is suddenly on a spree like he was with those bunnies that one time

[rachetmath]

Can We Stop

(You know what I'll say my peace. This may be the last RWBY hate and Jaune defense I'm doing. I will talk about James, Pyrrha, and Summer later on. So I'm sorry. And to let you know I'm guilty of this too.)

Jaune: What is y'alls beef with me?

Rwbyfan: what?

Jaune: Why do you hate me so much?

Rwby fan: Because you steal screen from the main characters.

Jaune: For real? Okay, sorry but what about Harriet? Winter. Robyn. Or Qrow. 

RWBY fan: … … ..

Jaune: And since we are talking about time what has any of the main characters, you so believe to be, accomplished during said screen time they had?

RWBY fan: They accomplished plenty.

Jaune: *sigh and leave*

RWBY fan: Yeah, take your waste of screen time out of here. Pyrrha should have lived instead of you.

Me: *appeared* What up bitch?

RWBY fan: The hell? What are you doing?

Me: I'm here for that claim. Rep your set. What have any of your main characters accomplished with the amount of screen time they're given?

RWBY fan: Why is this important? 

Me: Because you keep saying the same stupid shit and I am tired of it. So explain?

RWBY fan: Well Ruby evacuated the people of Mantle. That was supposed to be Jaune’s job.

Me: Okay.

RWBY fan: Weiss finally took down her father and saved her people.

Me: Mm-hmm.

RWBY fan: Blake stopped Adam and the White Fang. Not only that her and Yang got the Happy huntresses on their side.

Me: Yeah.

RWBY fan: Yang finally finds her mother. Overcomes her fear with Adam. Got the relic scoring a victory for our heroes. And she has a girlfriend.

Me: okay so did Ruby master her silver eyes?

RWBY: Um, that's not the -

Me: No. Nope, that is important to learn because you know Salem exists. Speaking of Salem, can Ruby’s eyes even work on her?

RWBY fan: That is irrelevant. 

Me: Bet, so when Salem arrived in Atlas what was she doing?

RWBY fan: She was protecting Penny and Nora.

Me: So while Jaune was on the battlefield trying to get Oscar back Ruby was sitting on her ass. 

RWBY fan: Hey she-

Me: What about her mom? Did she discover anything about her?

RWBY fan: Only that she met Salem and-

Me: Died?

RWBY fan: Um Ruby-

Me: Ruby theorized. She only knows part of the story. Raven does.

RWBY fan: Still she- 

Me: People fell off the bridge. Penny is dead. Those people including Jaune’s teammates would have died if Jaune didn't stab Penny to save them. So technically he did his job and succeeded. While Ruby's plan, Amity Arena, fell apart.

RWBY fan: Um

Me: Alright, Weiss. Look, I said it before she screwed her family. She did nothing for her people. I mean come on she destroyed her home with nothing to show for it. 

RWBY fan: I mean she's gotten better.

Me: Yeah and less mature. Winter has an army to command and people who need her. Whitley has to run what little is left of his family business while Weiss gets to be with her friends and have fun—contributing nothing.

RWBY fan:...

Me: And I said before volume 6 that Weiss should have gone home. Go to Ironwood. Fill him in on her friend's situation and have him make an exception to bring them to Atlas. Instead, Weiss steals from Atlas military agents, destroys Atlas property, and endangers thousands to avoid her father. 

RWBY fan: … But Jaune-

Me: Yeah, he made the plan but it’s crazy everyone agreed to it. More importantly, he didn’t even lead the operation. Ruby did. And guess what it still somehow worked despite the people getting involved. But can I  please say that the way Cordovan conducted herself was insane. Like, was a giant robot really necessary?

Rwby fan: … … 

Me: Blake repeated the same mistakes that led her to become the person she was back in volumes 1-5.  She faced no consequences for her choices. Her parents, friends, and teammates welcomed her back with open arms. No one called her on it. Just Sun.

RWBY fan: Well she promised Yang she wouldn’t run away again.

Me: Fine, but does that change the fact that she told Robyn everything going off the deep end which like volume 2 got people either hurt or killed? And insane damage to a bridge or a whole city block.  Not to mention once they were caught they drove Ironwood off the deep end.

RWBY fan: Oh come on Ratchet. He was already there.

Me: I will talk about James and his bull shit later but come on you have to admit they were dirty for that. Especially Yang. 

RWBY fan: Now Yang-

Me: Yang was given a relic which she then gave to Ozpin. Then Ruby took it. Ruby almost lost it. Ruby then gave it to Oscar, knowing damn well he couldn’t fight yet. Then he lost it to Neo. And though she asked about it she never bothered trying to reclaim it or mention it ever again. Especially when they were in enemy territory. 

Rwby fan: Okay but that's not her fault.

Me: … … …  *breaths* Okay but here’s the thing, Yang called Ruby out on lying to James, who mind you gave her an arm. She debated on it with Ruby. But all of a sudden Blake thought of telling Robyn the truth and Yang was completely on board with it. No speech. No lecture. She was completely down with telling a stranger, someone she doesn’t even know instead of James.

RWBY fan: … …. 

Me: Isn’t that hypocritical? How is she going to judge Ruby, her leader, when she was the one who made a bad call? Never mind how come she can judge the Ace-ops for following orders when she allowed everyone else to bark orders at her? Especially the girl who was a terrorist once and still left her along with her sister to head back to Atlas. So much for keeping a promise.

Rwby: That was different.

Me: Again Blake was never called out on her bull crap. Yang might as well be a simp at this point because not only does she do as Blake tells her but she prioritizes Blake over her own sister. She is more down bad than Pyrrha.

RWBY fan: … …  Wow.

 Me: Overall team RWBY hasn’t done squat but makes things worse. And the fact that the people of Remnant find them to be heroes makes me wish Salem killed them all.

Rwby fan: … …. …. … 

Me: Now get ready because this will get crazy. Jaune hasn’t repeated any of his damn mistakes. 

Rwby fan: …

Me: When Oscar got kidnapped Jaune took the f***** opportunity to go get him. Though Oscar saved himself that doesn’t change the fact he charged through a warzone to save his friend. Something he damn straight couldn’t do when it came to Pyrrha. Then his team went up against a headmaster. And won. 

Rwby fan: Team Rwby beat the Ace op though.

Me: How powerful were the Ace-ops?

Rwby fan: That-

Me: That is very important. Round one, the Ace-ops just sneaked them. There was no struggle. They fought a different-skinned Grimm that Jaune managed to help beat. With no weapon in hand. In fact, they fought the same kinds of Grimm as our heroes. What makes them so powerful?

Rwby fan: … Um.

Me: And yeah team RWBY won but second round they lost and got trapped. Not to mention the Ace-ops weren’t even fighting them but each other. Arguing back and forth over orders,  they all agreed to follow.

Rwby fan: Oh.

Me: Then Jaune… Jaune managed to hoe Cinder out of the maiden powers. By killing Penny, he made sure Cinder didn’t get what she wanted. Unlike Beacon, where she shot Amber because Jaune wasn't watching the damn door. His one job.

Rwby fan: But Cinder got the relic.

Me: Who’s fault is that? Because I recall Penny was ordered to run. Not his fault. Not to mention Jaune was the reason Team RWBY GOT TO THE TREE.

Rwby fan: See you Jaune fans are the same. You keep dick riding-

Me: Stop. Look, I’m a Jaune fan. At first, I didn’t like him. But in later volumes, the man earned my sympathy and my respect. All I and probably a lot of Jaune fans want is for this man to be happy. So we have him finally pipe a girl, we just want him to be happy and loved and to move on from Pyrrha. When we have him strong and dependable we want this man to be happy and be a hero. We don’t want him to have all that trauma. Why do you think we were happy when Ruby was getting a taste?

RWBY fan: ….

Me: I'm just saying can we stop? “Jaune is a self-insert” Oc shipping exists. Come on. Don't act like none of you insert yourselves into these characters from time to time. It's okay. “He takes up screen time” We have completion videos of every character on screen. You will see the difference. “He takes the focus away from the story” Then how about team RWBY be interesting characters then. 

RWBY fan: *sad*

Me: Anyways let’s change the subject. Who’s this?

RWBY fan: The curious cat.

Me: No. He’s the Curious Diddy Cat.

Rwby fan: How?

Me: I mean he loved Alyx. Then Ruby. And in real life she’s eighteen, but in canon or in the show she’s a

Rwby fan: A?

Me: A.

Rwby fan: A-MINOR!

Me: Oh yeah.

Not Like Us By Kendrick Lamar