#.VISCERAL feeling of joy I get from it
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sansloii · 5 months ago
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Me: *builds a perfectly functioning realm for the royal au from scratch* :) Ooo yippee
Also me, as I immediately sprinkle in eldritch abominations, dying/dead gods, and parasitic flora and fauna: :)
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edelorion · 7 months ago
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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smoothoperador · 1 year ago
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#sorry i need to vent ignore this#my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit#bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer#and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted#but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but#now i hate it again i hate it so much#ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN#and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but#i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad'#and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards?#but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers#but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but#it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression#like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be#in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly#to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and#i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy.#made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that.#so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?!#but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn#im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now#i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it#clara tais toi#like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO#preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and#the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like#it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted#dl later
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justtogetthrough · 3 months ago
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I have the tiniest shard of glass in the ball of my foot from when I dropped a drinking glass a week ago. I can’t tell exactly where it is because ✨poor interoception✨ and I can’t feel it with my finger either when I try running it along my foot. But it hurts like hell to walk, which is a problem, because I’m trying to walk more to try and help my shitty mental and physical health.
I don’t have a bathtub so I guess I need to use a baking pan or something to try and coax it out with warm water? I’m not sure how that’s gonna work if it’s so small I can’t see or feel it, I’ve only ever done this with visible but buried splinters that I could then grip with tweezers. But I don’t know what else to do and walking with a shitty gait is why I have such huge problems to begin with. I need the ball of my foot back.
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itostea · 1 year ago
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care for me? (gojo x wife! reader)
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in which you’re forced to share a bed with the husband you’re convinced hates you
warnings: there’s only one bed!!!! suggestive bc it’s gojo, they’re both a bit confused, pic from lving yamada kun at lv999
a/n: part of the gojo’s wife series (i recc you read the fic before this one to understand some things), also i’m posting this stuff on my phone now since i’m on vacay …meaning format will be extra ugly💀💀
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“What exactly did you say to make the principal Gakuganji agree to us on a mission together?”
You think Gojo or rather your husband, doesn’t really understand how fast he actually walks. With the way he towers over every civilian in Japan and how much longer his strides are, you’re almost certain that his pacing is far from normal. It gets to the point where you’re jogging to keep up with him, a huff escaping your lips in exasperation.
“Don’t worry your pretty little head over that, ‘kay?” He gives you a lazy smile and with the blindfold wrapped around his head, you can’t exactly see the way he glances over at you–gradually shortening his steps for you to catch up.
You choose to ignore his comment about “your pretty little head” and instead sigh. “Sator–I mean ‘Toru,” you say carefully, gauging the way he gives a satisfied smile at your correction. After the moment you both had in the kitchen at a dangerously late hour, he insisted you call him a nickname.
He gave some recommendations: my hubby, my king, the strongest and most handsome husband. Naturally, you refused to call him those nicknames in public and even denied him the joy in private. So to avoid his needless whining, you compromised and decided on “‘Toru.” The way he brightened up that day made you feel giddy all over but you brushed it off with the fact that you were just glad he was actually talking to you.
“You didn’t do anything bad right?” You inquire, shooting him a glare.
“I think what I did was reasonable!” He chirps, reaching in a bag of candy to plop some in his mouth—the same bag he insisted on getting before you both went on the mission. You can’t help but feel a bit meek when his fingers inch towards your mouth and he gives a toothy grin, beckoning for you to open. You breathe out an annoyed huff, slightly parting your lips to let the sugary treat on your tongue.
He smiles, leaning forward to let his fingers linger in the plush of your lips. “Good girl.”
The way your breath hitches is visceral and you feel the pricks of embarrassment probe at your skin. Your eyes avert from his and you quicken your steps, trying your best to hide the fact that Gojo Satoru was having an effect on you. You miss the way his smile widens at your reaction.
You still avoid his gaze when he catches up. “You know I’m the one who cleans up after your mess whenever you piss the higher-ups right? It’s me who gets the scolding!”
“Scolding? Would you believe me if I told you stuff like that won’t happen again?”
You pause, analyzing how he flashed a coy grin. Immediately, your eyes narrow. “Gojo Satoru.”
“It’s ‘Toru to you,” he voices, chuckling at how your frown deepened. “Relax. I didn’t do anything that bad. Just did enough for them to stop annoying my wife.”
You choose not to linger on how easily the words “my wife” falls out of your lips but it’s hard when he went so far just for your wellbeing. Your mind drifts to his lips pressed against your forehead, instantly regretting it as you feel your neck growing warm. You shake your head, trying to dispel the thoughts from multiplying, earning a curious look from Gojo.
Before he can ask why you went quiet, you stop in your tracks, looking at him with an expression so cute he nearly feels himself fall over. You click your tongue. “‘Toru. You annoy me more than them.”
He whistles, looking at the sight of the abandoned hospital–the location where the S-grade assigned to the both of you curse lies hidden. “Harsh.”
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The lady in the front trembles as she inputs the data for the two of you. Her eyes scan Gojo’s wide grin and your blank expression that seems even more menacing with the red splatters on your clothes. You blink, tilting your head. “It’s not my blood,” you try to reassure her but that only seems to worsen her fear.
“R-Right!” She squeaks. “One room for Mr. Gojo, correct?”
Gojo nods with a hum, taking the keycard from the lady’s trembling hands. He gestures for you to follow him, walking with so much bravado that any onlooker doesn’t even question the bloodied state of your uniform. “You should’ve been more careful,” he says. “You made a mess.”
“Not everyone has infinity you know?” You mumble, following him into the hotel suite. Your eyes scan the seemingly fancy interior and furniture, not paying much attention until your eyes lock onto an unmistakable sight.
“‘Toru. Why is there only one bed?”
His disinterested hum only serves to make you grow more baffled. He shrugs off his jacket, cracking his neck with a hum. “That’s odd. I could’ve sworn I said two beds. The lady must’ve messed up seeing you all bloodied up. Must’ve scared her real bad huh?”
You’re almost certain that this predicament has brought you more stress than any mission you’ve been sent. And you’re amazed–no bewildered, that Gojo’s not even batting an eye at this.
“Oh? Don’t tell me you’re getting all shy now that you’re sharing a bed with your husband.”
“We’ve never done that before!” You squeak out, dropping your bags on the floor.
That was partially his fault, he thinks. Even so, he keeps his mouth shut. “You have any extra clothes you can wear?”
Even in your frenzied state, you still process the question, blinking in recognition. “No…”
He shrugs. “Then you can wear my shirt,” he points to the white button-up. “Might be gross but it’s better than nothing right? Besides that makes us even now. I got to see you shirtless when—”
“‘Toru!”
He grins an easy-going smile. “Ya know if you’re not comfortable with sleeping on the same bed as me, I can always sleep on the couc–”
“No!” You say a bit too quickly, straightening yourself out when he raises a curious brow. “No I mean like, I don’t mind that much. Besides, I don’t want you to hurt your back on the couch…”
“That’s the only reason?” He smiles and it’s not hard to realize he’s teasing you.
You nod, resolute despite your sweating palms. “Yes.”
“Then…” he shrugs. “You can take a shower first. I’ll leave the shirt near the door. Promise I won’t look. Unless you want me to.”
You can only give another nod, shooting a glare at his shit-eating grin. You take off to the showers, clasping a hand over your mouth as you silently scream in embarrassment. The warm water makes your skin feel hotter to touch and you only try your hardest not to dwell on the details. It’s just a night on the same bed together. Nothing more, nothing less.
You wish you could have kept that confidence huddled in your blankets–watching your snow-haired husband crawl into bed. You try not to linger on his bare torso for too long to be considered healthy and have to physically restrain yourself from jumping when his hand grazes your thigh.
He’s not wearing his blindfold or shades, meaning you can really see how his eyes watch your every move in interest. He leans closer, making you bite a squeak down. “You’re hogging the blankets.”
“Huh? Oh yeah,” you laugh awkwardly, throwing the fabric off your body for him. Gojo Satoru doesn’t have a favorite art piece but you in his shirt might just take the spot. He licks his lips, seeing how you unbuttoned a few buttons near the collar for more room–how you avoided his gaze. Cute, he thinks.
He raises a brow when you lay on your side, covering yourself in the blankets until you’re a heap of fabric. His lips twitches into a smile when he sees the way you curl up into yourself. Then again, he chooses not to mention it when he feels himself growing drowsy.
You’re not sure how much time passes but you can hear Gojo’s gentle breathing fill the room. You bring a hand to your legs, trying to ease away the goosebumps forming on your skin. At first, you assumed they were from nerves but now, you’re almost certain it’s because the hotel’s blasting the AC. And oddly enough, Gojo seems completely unaffected, even able to sleep peacefully.
You sigh, turning to face him. You’ve always known your husband was an attractive man but it’s not fair for him to look so good even while sleeping. His lashes are long and you find yourself staring a bit too long at his lips. Again, your mind drift to the moment when he pressed those same lips to your forehead and instead of being filled with embarrassment, you’re filled with a feeling that squeezes at your heart.
Subconsciously, you’re reaching for his face, grazing a finger down his cheekbones to the corner of his lips. His skin is smooth against your touch and you’re almost jealous that his skin was perfect too. You continue to map your way to his jawline, mesmerized at the sight.
“Enjoying the view?” He mumbles, his eyes closed though a smile crosses his face. You’re about to retrace your hand away from his face but he’s quick to clasp one around your wrist. You nearly squeak when he leans closer to your palm, his eyes finally opening to peer into yours. “Eyeing me when I’m asleep? I didn’t know you were such a per—“
“I’m not!” You yelp, snatching your wrist away from you him with a flushed face.
He hums, propping himself on his elbow to watch you. “Hm? Now you getting all embarrassed on me after you felt me up?”
“I did not feel you up.”
He merely shrugs with a grin. “It’s all good. I think you’re pretty cute too.”
You didn’t know it was possible to be this flustered until you shared a bed with Gojo. “I only touched you because I was cold!”
That wasn’t entirely a lie either. When you felt Gojo’s face, his skin was warm under your touch and you wondered if the rest of him was like that. Naturally, you refrained from thinking even further or else you really wouldn’t sleep a wink.
To your surprise, you feel see him pat the spot besides him. Your lips fall apart as you continue to stare. He only shrugs with a lazy smirk. “What? A husband has to make sure his wife’s comfortable right?”
It’s hard to say no when you feel the cool air of the AC bite into your skin—your limbs trembling. You hold his gaze for a few seconds, sighing as you scootched closer to him. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling your frame closer until you’re against his torso.
You try not to dwell on the fact that you can feel how his muscles move against your shirt—or rather his shirt; how he nuzzled his face in your neck, breathing in your scent that this scene felt so naturally domestic.
You squirm in his embrace, shifting your hips around to find a more comfortable position. His arms immediately squeeze you tighter, making you squeak. “Stay still,” he says lowly against your ear.
“You’re holding me too tight,” you whine, wiggling your hips again. This time, his hand squeezes your hip.
“Yeah? Well if you don’t stop squirming, I’ll have another problem to deal with.”
“What—“ You say before the realization hits you and you’re left spluttering like an idiot. Your head turns to face him and you immediately regret it.
His blues bore into yours and you see how his lips twitch as if trying to hold back a laugh. “I—“ You start, turning away from him with your stomach doing flips. “Okay,” you squeak, clenching your eyes shut at your response.
He only grunts in response, spooning you with his chin atop of your head. Minutes pass and you relax in his arms. “‘Toru?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you being so nice to me right now? I thought you hated me?”
“What?” For the first time, he sounds awake. He leans up so you can see his hues peering down at you. You watch bemused as a tortured expression crosses his face for a second. “(Name), I don’t hate you. I never hated you.”
Your bewilderment grows. “But you…you never talked to me.”
He smooths a hand through his hair. “Can’t say I don’t have some regrets about that.”
It’s the same like last time, when the two of you were in the kitchen. He’s looking at you so tenderly that you can’t bring yourself to look away. “I care for you,” he continues, trying to pick his words thoughtfully. “Much more than I want to.”
He still peers down at you, so close that you almost think he’s about to lean in for a kiss. You observe him with a wide-eyed look, only letting out a little gasp when you feel his lips press against your forehead again—the feeling familiar to you. Gojo resumes his cuddling shortly after, squeezing your hip once more. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
You widen your eyes, remaining silent. You’re at a list of words, momentarily left speechless. Even so, you reach down to press a hand over his on your hip, squeezing it lightly. “I know.”
Gojo thinks he sleeps the best when you’re besides him. You’re soft against him, fitting perfectly in between his arms. He thinks, there’s no way he was going to let this moment pass—and he was a man who kept true to his wishes. The next time he was going to sleep in his house, he was going to do it with you by his side.
BONUS:
“‘Toru…”
“What is it again?” He grumbles, though there’s no bite in his tone.
“Why couldn’t we just teleport home instead of going to a hotel?”
A brief silence follows.
“Go to sleep.”
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prael · 3 months ago
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Pliancy
Kinktember Day 4: Dollification
ILLIT Park Minju x male reader smut
words: 6,488 Kinktember Masterlist
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Art is eternal. Who was it that once said that a thing of beauty is a joy forever? Was it Byron? Was it Yeats? Who cares. But that line, however trite, does kind of get the concept down, really, as clichéd and insipid as it sounds.
Minju, too, is a joy forever, with her soft face, her sweet body, and her delicate touch. On this, I will allow you an image: she was the absolute pinnacle of girlhood, the perfect blending of innocence and wanton sexiness. When you pressed her slender wrists down into the sheets of her bed with those pale, thin fingers and pinned her slender body with your cock, you became one with a living, breathing piece of high art. The feeling of that, ah, that is something you cannot ever convey. And that's probably how it started, your obsession with her; she was beautiful and delicate and utterly desirable. She had all the loveliness of a porcelain figurine; just looking at her could arouse you, bring about your lusts and make your mouth dry up.
But there is something, and you realise this, something both primal and shameful, about wanting to sully that image of innocence. Not, of course, that your feelings towards Minju are wholly visceral—you do love her, and genuinely so. The things you do may imply something different, a detachment from her as a person if someone were looking in from the outside, but just as you assured her, it's an act born out of admiration. It's an act out of devotion.
To dollify the living, breathing, loving, feeling organism called Minju, then to make her merely an object for your desires. Ah, there's something wonderfully, gloriously filthy in that—the violation and the liberation. In all those actions and thoughts, you can be sure, is that undercurrent of perverseness and lust. Your lips tracing across Minju's navel is an act of passion, one to express the fullness and warmth that has bloomed inside your chest. Your hands gripping her thighs so tight that they leave deep, crimson fingerprints on the skin is an act of passion too—one to express a primal need.
When it all starts, Minju, a girl so usually full of energy and vivacity, is demure and quiet; she sits in this stoic way in front of you, knees together and her hands resting on her thighs, just below the table. The table holds the tools of your art: hairclips, mascara, lip gloss, nail polish and everything else. She waits, as she always does, in silent expectation.
Minju wears the outfit you laid out for her that afternoon. The fabrics are light and flowing, cotton in a milky off-white colour hugging her upper body and a linen shirt whose billowy sleeves hang around her slender arms; at the wrists, she keeps the cuffs rolled up. Cotton shorts, equally soft, equally neutral in colour, held to her small waist by a ribbon as a makeshift belt. All of it was chosen specifically by you—it's all so very angelic, and comfortable. Innocent.
You set about your work, asking her to place a hand on the table. Nails take the longest to dry so you start there: you paint the end of each of her slender fingers one at a time, taking great care, letting her rest her hand in the palm of your own as you go through the motion. Whisper-like strokes of the brush over the thin keratin in a pastel shade, the pink of newly-blossomed cherry flowers. A compliment to her fair complexion. 
One hand done, you raise it closer to your mouth and gently blow over the fingertips, to quicken their drying. Her hand, in yours, is ever so small. So petite. You remark this, smiling, and her expression—wide-eyed and quietly attentive—softens. It's a sight so adorable; how the ends of her lips upturn as if you've said something exceptionally touching. That's the thing with Minju; you just never quite get used to how much trust and affection is conveyed in those big, soft eyes.
Not long until the other hand is done, perfect crisp painting without a single smudge, or mistake.
You screw in the brush, then stand to move the table aside, you pull it away from her and then push it away. You kneel at her feet, hand resting gently on a small calf. You lift a leg, then draw your hand down it, to her heel. Bare feet, too, are a marvel in and of themselves: smooth skin over arched bones. Like all good things, it's imperfect; she's a dancer after all, still, she takes all the care to moisturise and you take all the care to massage them.
Now, Minju is ticklish, always has been, so when you take hold of her foot in preparation to paint her nails, she struggles not to break composure, and yet a cute little smirk betrays her. With one hand, you hold it steady; with the other, you reach to the table and draw the brush from the pot of white paint. White like the brightest snow, a winter's morn. You make slow, even strokes, over her nails, starting with the big toe and making your way down the digits, till her little feet are thoroughly and beautifully made up.
She flinches occasionally, under your touch, but with great care, you never make a mistake. No stain on her flesh. Repeated for her other foot too, each followed by a patient period of gently blowing, which sees her struggle against the tickling of her flesh even more. This time, she moves, almost unable to help it—and you know that to admonish her would not be the gentlemanly thing.
"It's okay Minju. Relax," you tell her, softly, as she takes a steadying breath, "that's it. Good."
It is here where you see a glow of pleasure and a hint of a smile on her pretty, youthful face, at hearing words of praise from you. This you know well: to Minju, your affirmations have an almost spiritual significance. In all the time you have known her, she has yearned to do well, to make others around her happy, to gain approval and affection, and as someone important in her life, this sentiment extends to you.
"My angel," you call her, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last. You lean close to place a gentle peck of your lips against her leg, just above the ankle, which causes her to stir. But that's okay, a moment of weakness is ever expected. You shift away from her leg, letting the soft flesh slip from your hand, and admire the neat work you have done so far. "There we go."
You bring your chair close to her, so you can sit, knee to knee across from her and set to work on her pretty features. First, you frame her face by clipping back the locks of fine honey-brown that threatened to obscure her eyes. Then you take the lip gloss in a soft rose colour, and a slender, synthetic-haired brush, and begin the work of accentuating her lips. Start at the top and glide over the curve that runs along her cupid's bow. Define the fine edges and then coat, to treat yourself to a shimmering pink glow; a shine over the otherwise natural look.
"Perfect. Oh, how I want to kiss them."
Minju doesn't say a word but the look in her eye speaks all the same, 'I wish you would do it.'
She remains still as you take hold of the thin eyeliner pencil in one hand and Minju's chin with the other, carefully positioning the tip under the lash line, and drawing it slowly, ever-so-carefully. Drawing a light, curved line to the side, first on her right, and then on her left. Do the same, light and clean, under the bottom lashes, being extra sure to define her creases.
Her eyes, as you study them, are so rich and vivid in colour that they command all of your attention and all of your efforts. So you work carefully, deliberately; being this close to her means you can see each speck, each mote in those deep, earthy brown irises. This intimacy, the face-to-face nearness of it all, brings on a unique vulnerability: when she closes her eyes next, to allow you to apply shadow to her lids, Minju puts herself at your mercy.
Minju's lips part and a small but noticeable hitch of her breath follows as you pull yourself away and admire your work. She has this kind of seductive natural pout—soft, shapely. Something alluring that the angles of her mouth lend her. As you sweep blush powder over her cheeks with a fine, oval-shaped brush, she utters a soft question, "How does it look?"
You bring a finger to rest against the fullness of her cheek, letting it trace along her soft flesh, down her jaw, and under her chin—before bringing it upwards, a physical prompting, to make her lift her chin higher. "Perfect. Always."
It occurs to you, as you define her eyebrows in quick, practised strokes, that for all the work you put into her, the inhuman focus and the undivided attention, this effort is nothing against the absolute, undying beauty that is Park Minju. It's a sort of colour-by-numbers deal; with all the perfect lines drawn out, it's up to you—a mock amateur—to simply embellish, to exaggerate, what is already there. To add shadow, light, and life.
You finish your work creating ('Creating' is the wrong word, more so, refining) the perfect doll. Minju keeps still, and patient. Beautiful.
"Precious girl."
By her earlobe, just below the jaw, there is a spot. The most perfect, sensitive area, to which you bow your head. Close your eyes. Place your lips. You kiss this spot, slowly, dragging your lips against her flesh, across it, revelling in the delicate softness. Revelling in her soft little moan, muffled only by pursed lips.
You push your chair back, and stand, looking down at her from above. You draw the clips back from her hair and it falls back into the perfect place. You circle around her once, slow, methodical. Taking all of her in, marvelling.
The greatest treasure in all the world. A masterpiece.
She follows your every guidance as you pull her to her feet. After all, she is, for tonight, nothing more than a doll. Pliable. Openly, and explicitly, subservient. You turn her and position her before a full-length mirror set in the far corner of her room. There she stands, arms at her side, staring back at you with doe-like, innocent eyes. There you stand, tall, strong behind her, hands on her arms.
"Perfect. You really are the most precious girl."
Your grip on her upper arms is gentle but firm as you ease her forward into a bend at the hips, tilting her towards the mirror as you place her into a pose. Fingers playing lightly down her limbs, like stroking the keys on the piano, or the strings on a guitar. You place her hands behind her back, and instruct her expression, "Give me a sweet smile."
Your voice is quiet in her ear as she nods, just the slightest, almost indiscernible incline of the head. She stares down the mirror as her full, kissable lips slowly contort into a charming, simpering smile, the type that the most beloved princesses often wear. You press up behind her, brushing your body tight against hers and see how that lovely little grin of hers slowly stretches up, to become ever so slightly crooked.
In your reflection in the mirror, you see yourself behind her. She holds perfectly still, hands fixed as if bound at the wrists, legs set slightly apart. "Pretty, don't you think?" You ask, teasingly. You press a little into her upper back, angling her in such a way that in the reflection you see down her cotton shirt, revealing the taut, soft curve of her small breasts. The sight of that, the teasing glance, is intoxicating. It brings a slight tremor down your spine, one you swallow down with a sharp breath. "Yes," you assure her, "Very pretty."
Her breathing comes laboured now, sharp little gasps; perhaps it has started to arouse her too, knowing herself to be at the mercy of your hands. Knowing herself to be nothing more than an object at this time—a living doll. To be used, played with, broken, toyed with, cared for or cast aside as you will.
You pull her to a stand and guide her away from the mirror. Her legs are long but you tower over her. She's so light to the touch, the petite girl, that should you need to, you could carry anywhere you desire in one swooping embrace.
You lead her to her dresser, to pose her against it. You guide her lithe left leg, so it crosses over the right one, you place her hands on the wood and let her rest against it. And she, docile, complies. "Like this?" She whispers.
"That's perfect."
You draw the collar of her shirt over her left shoulder, the one closest to you, until it hangs at around elbow height, exposing the skin underneath. A bare arm, all the way up to the strap of her tank top. You smile, admiring your own work, her poise and posture. You adjust her face, so she gazes slightly down in front of her. A final check to ensure the pose is perfect. It doesn't hurt that Minju is a natural when it comes to expressions: there is always some inflexion to the curl of her lips and the shape of her eyes, that says, 'I love this'.
You take the final unused item from the table, a Polaroid camera, one of the new instant types. This one, white, boxy and expensive, is perfect to capture Minju's pristine beauty. One image taken of her here, a pose in the frame, holding the photo to wait for it to develop is worth, it seems, a thousand words. It never ceases to amaze you: how well the camera captures her: how it draws out that natural aura of Minju and depicts it on the fine gloss. It makes, in effect, a perfect keepsake.
You take two more shots, each one giving you pause for appreciation. Each one, was perfect, like it was a scene from an album cover or the poster for a movie. She watches you from her position, gazing intently at you with a lovingly longing gaze. Watching you in fascination, and admiration.
You hold one in front of her. "This is my favourite, look at the way your leg curves here," you point to it, showing her. "And here, the shoulder, just at that angle. See the light dancing in your eyes and on the pink gloss, on the lips. Beautiful."
She remains lifelessly still staring at herself in the print without a word or reaction.
"Now, just one more like this, but first..." You place the camera slowly on the dresser, then grab the hem of her shirt. You fold it in under itself a few times until it sits taut across her stomach, just above her button. Her narrow waist is set into beautiful relief: a curvature down toned abs leading to between her thin hips. Then you pull at the other shoulder of the shirt, more pale skin, more svelteness of form, more smooth flesh. There's a light shiver through her skin as you graze her arm with your finger.
You push slightly into her chest, leaning her back a little over the dresser and then you tilt her head back exposing her neck. Soft lips fall open just the slightest, like the petals of a rose blooming, a faint gasp of a moan parting her pink lips, and her heavy breathing filling her heaving chest.
Taking the camera, you step back, crouch slightly, hold the lens up to eye height and take the shot; a flash and a click of the shutter is followed by a slow hum and a whir of the plastic film rolling out. Another polaroid, you take it to her, tugging lightly at her chin to direct her gaze to it. "This one," you breathe in close to her, placing a kiss on her exposed neck, "is something truly special." You fix on her scent, something fruity and soft: orange blossom undertones.
Minju lets out a soft gasp.
"This one turns me on. The exposed skin. The lustful eyes. Those parted lips, like an invitation," you utter, "do you know how beautiful you look, Minju? How sexy?"
The deepening of her breath tells you what you want to hear.
"New pose. Come here." You take hold of her bare shoulders and pull her to a stand. Her shirt hangs at her back between her elbows. You move behind her as you guide her toward the window, opening her curtains wide and letting the final embers of sunlight in to kiss her skin. You slip her shirt from her arms that hang by her side. "Let's lean you against here."
You guide her hands onto the sill of the window. Let her hands rest flat against it. Hold her by the hips and pull them back, making her shuffle her legs back. Make the curve of her ass tighter, the flex of her lower back deeper.
You pose her into this deep bend, then guide her face up so she faces the evening light. So she basks, regally, in the final glow of the setting sun, and you can see the pinking hue reflected in her eyes.
"Be a good doll and remain still."
The heat has turned Minju's pale flesh red, but you soothe her with a palm, a brush against a soft cheek and an affectionate 'hush'. You fixate upon the curves and lines of her back, following the path of her spine down with your hand, taking care to remain in the hollow. That central channel carved through her back that draws down the centre, passing by dimples in her lower back before widening at the hips and merging into her tapering waist, is a work of art unto itself. 
A simple touch of a kiss against that soft flesh at the base of the spine, and Minju fails to disguise a sharp breath as you kneel, her bare calves become a mounting point for your hands. She inhales in soft, controlled bursts as your fingertips stroke around the curve of her lower leg, working around and under the leg, dragging slowly upwards as you make careful circles over her toned calves, till your finger hits the lower thigh. Upward, further. Her body trembles gently as your hand traces along her inner thigh, up to her light cotton shorts where you draw your hand over to the back of her thighs and back down.
"Be a good doll," you repeat, quiet, breath warm against her lower back. You hook your fingers into her shorts, running your palms on her taut, toned little ass. Slight tremors from Minju ripple through your skin as you hook in the fingers of either hand beneath the elastic of her underwear too. A lingering hesitation passes as you focus, and in the serenity of the moment, you draw everything down in one slow, measured pull. The sight of the white cotton dragging down over the firm roundness of her ass has you weak.
You stop at her ankles, and one at a time, you lift a foot out of the clothes, and pull them free, planting her foot back down in a slightly wider stance. You look up, and to her faint reflection in the window, and admire the look she wears, the unnerving determination to hold still and say not a single thing. The deep red hue paints her skin as the day darkens.
"Stay," you command.
You find the camera one final time, to indulge in one final intoxicating shot: Minju, back beautifully lit by the last remnants of the sun's rays, the light striking her skin and making the paleness and tone all the more beautiful; the slight swell of her hips, the small, firm, almost apple-like curve of her behind, and those slim toned thighs in the shadow.
"Hold for me, don't move."
She stares resolutely into the distance through the window, hands clutching the edge of the window sill as you draw the viewfinder to your eye once again. Click, a flash and a whir. The exposure of the light behind her leaves a shadowy image on the thinning film of her nude behind; the smooth line of her legs, her trim waist and that sweet little thing between her legs. An air of sophistication; and one of sin.
"See this?" You show it to her and the embarrassment causes a flutter in her eyes; the arousal of watching her own bare ass on the printed film causes the slightest redness of her cheeks. "I'm going to use that right there. Stay."
There's another twitch in her eyes as you walk away and leave her there, still posing, looking as sensational as ever. You walk out the door, to drink, relax, anything to make her wait. Make her suffer the indignity of exposure and vulnerability.
You spy her through the doorway and never does she move a muscle, your little doll-girl stands there obediently as requested. Time passes—several minutes. And yet she, with such admirable determination, wills herself to stay in position until you return. And you do. You saunter back in, slow. Walking behind her and she never once looks back over her shoulder.
You rest a hand on her waist and the contact is met with a sudden release of tension—her chest falls with a sigh. Her pose remains perfect—adulation for your hand, written in the small shakes of her body and the gradual intonations of her heavy pants. A perfect and delicate angel. Your hand slips from her waist down over the taut curve of her ass, palm resting for the briefest moment on the soft, supple flesh. The pliability. Your hand continues the path it has carved over her skin until it rests lightly between her legs.
A gentle palm over her sex sends a current through her entire form, and a tensing in her muscles is the only indication she offers that there's a struggle to suppress noise in her throat. Hot and wet and you're a man driven by impulse. You step behind her, stroking her, massaging her, then withdrawing to instead spread her slightly with a single, teasing fingertip. "Good little doll."
A clear, sticky, glistening moisture trickles onto the digit and in the way Minju shivers, you are given every impression, you're sure of it, that her lower stomach muscles have clenched tight and are presently squeezing themselves in on each other. A fever pitch is reached within her, and you're ready too.
You draw your hand away, leaving Minju suspended in torment: there is desire, there is desperation and tension that must be alleviated. That itch soothed. She must hear it, the sound of you unbuckling and unzipping. A rustle of fabric as you pull them down and take them off.
With no word, you hit a palm against her ass, a quick and painful swat with your bare hand. Hard, smacking against soft, dough-like flesh. She stifles a soft, bitten-off yelp that sends a vibration up the curve of her back. "Going to play with you," you utter quietly. "Use this doll however I like."
Your hand is drawn back over the red mark on her tender flesh, stroking the mark, massaging, and it soon heats against your palm. You follow it by pressing the very tip of your dick, gently, against her opening. Enough pressure there for you both to know where the next moments go and a slight motion—only the gentlest thrusting—to grind that sensitive flesh in. Just enough to make her bite back her lower lip, to struggle against the overwhelming urge to break her poise.
To add to that struggle, the sensation, you lull her, deceive her, by trailing your length against her slick, tender folds, then abruptly drag it over the tight hole right there at the back. One more light tap there too, right on her little asshole, that drives her into a daze. Then you take her slit again, spreading her open, rubbing yourself over that hot hole and sending her a thousand electric tingles up through her hips.
You thrust once, a single long thrust, right into her little pussy, as much as her wetness will allow until resistance forms. Then back out, completely. Glistening with the slick fluids, you slap your shaft against her ass a couple of times. Wetness dripping, staining those tight cheeks. Then a wet slap of your hand to a cheek. Testing when she will break. Searching for that whimper, that moan, or maybe she'll hold it so well that a tear will form in her eye.
You fill her again, use her a little, rocking your hips back and forth. A careless use of her for pleasure, no consideration for her, for what she might desire and it is pure torture to her. One hand circles over her ass, grazing over the reddened mark, you let it settle on the top of her thigh for leverage and dig your fingertips into the skin. Another few firm pumps into her. Out. All the way out.
Dripping fluid pools around her slit, spilling out down her thigh, hot. "There's no better use for you than this," you hiss, as you smear the wetness over her flesh with the swollen head. The discomfort, the uncertainty, all of it written on her reddened skin and trembling lips. Another few slow pumps up her. Thrust, thrust, thrust. Draw out—slow, torturous—and then fill her again, rough, and violent, driving yourself up hard against her soft skin. Again. "Just like a sex doll," you groan. "Like you're a dirty toy."
Those words draw this low growl inside her, and Minju shudders under the intensity, this vibrating noise rising in her. Fuck, it feels wonderful in her, tight, burning hot—soft, yielding—wet, messy. Drive into that tension, the squeeze on you, where she can feel you so full and snug inside her.
Allow yourself for a moment, to just enjoy her, as she is. She will allow you to, don't fret. Enjoy her as a possession, something lesser than yourself; an object to be manipulated, used and owned. Let her be your slut and let the words roll around in your head. There are times you prefer to fill her with long, agonising strokes, and there are those other times that are frantic and hurried. She takes it all, wilfully and willingly and adoration flows through your veins.
No care for if she cums, you simply use her too. It is not in a casual disregard for her desires, or in selfish pursuit of pleasure at the sacrifice of her. No, no. That is not true. Minju wants this. She cares less about her own pleasure than you. Should she cum, then maybe that would be a nice perk to all of this, but all she wants is to submit herself as a vessel for yours. To serve as the implement to which you expel everything. You have taken her into that dream world she desires to inhabit, where she's an item to be manoeuvred as one wills.
And so you get close, right inside of her—clutch, tense—as she milks you so exquisitely, squeezing and so soft, so fucking silken-smooth and at the very last, you pull out—every last drop is captured on Minju's skin. Her spread ass, her back, thighs.
For all the care you took, perfecting her makeup, now a fine sweat paints a layer across her skin and you're shooting over it and making a true mess of her. All that, her absolute purity and devotion, and what you have done is sullied it. Your doll, your most precious is dirtied. But your most precious thing in the world deserves the best you can give her.
So it is after you have painted your release over her body, that you leave her again—basking in the humiliation of how fluids trickle down her flesh. Just a toy, put aside to stand, vulnerable, debauched and unsatisfied, waiting to be picked up again and played with once more. You could leave her all night. Have her be ready and willing any time you desire. Your toy.
"Fuck, what a sight." You step away, back out of the room, spent and gazing at her. Minju, of course, keeps her back facing you the entire time, she does not dare turn back around to see her, not even to cover up or find modesty, it simply would not occur to her to do so.
Aware of the pain, the hurt of being left this way. Left unfinished. A small smile plays on your lips, the knowledge that this is what turns her on most. Her lover is out there, he's drinking, eating, watching TV, or anything, and she doesn't really know where. She just stays resting over the window ledge with her legs held apart, exposed and vulnerable.
Knowing, feeling, every stroke that has been applied over her body, every part you have made use of, and the places in which you have violated, is enough to turn Minju's insides all warm and fuzzy and soft. Your fingerprints are inked upon her flesh—traced by the veneer of liquids coating her—a record of who has marked her, owned her, as nothing more than an instrument of delight.
Until you're ready to come back, she holds back an unspoken whimper. Tension in her stomach muscles and legs threatened to give out.
Oh, how badly the poor girl yearns to be picked up, taken and fucked again and again.
Eventually, you do return, and without warning. As if you'd never been gone a moment at all, you're just there suddenly behind her, you just have that presence of power that exudes over her. You say her name—nothing else—but the tinge to your voice tells her that you've missed her.
You bring your hands around her slim waist, just above the hips, and trail upwards. Grinding back inside her feels as wonderful as ever. Still throbbing, still wet, still wanton, and she takes you in, spreading wide once again. "Missed me?" You coo, but she still never responds verbally—dutifully compliant, Minju simply moans, her cheeks flushed the same colour as her smeared lips.
You're rough with her, pulling her away from the window and pushing her into the middle of the room. Hasty, impatient, and uncaring. Now, you see, Minju weighs nothing to you, it feels like there's nothing to her; something light, lithe, easily manoeuvrable, like you can twist her and pull her without resistance.
You draw her to you, picking her up from the ground by her waist and walking forward. You set her down on a desk—her ass perching first, then you push her onto her back, drawing up her knees to her chest and pressing onto her. Oh, flexible Minju, sweet Minju: the perfect sexual tool to place and fold and screw whichever way you want.
Minju is pinned there, under you, taking you into her pussy, tight around you. Dutifully letting you shove into her repeatedly, without fight or complaint, only meek, restrained sounds of satisfaction. Letting her limbs fold, letting herself be toyed with however you need or want.
Stretch her as you take hold of her neck and restrain her to the wooden surface. You bear down on her, fucking into her with strong, sure pumps, and with every thrust into Minju, you feel her heat against your thighs and groin, her warm juices seeping down over her, and a vulgar squelching sound filling the air.
The air is dense and hot and she is flushed bright red; she gazes at you, her face etched with need. You're forcing your doll-girl, fucking her raw and hard into her desk. Rough, dominating strokes. And what does she do but squirm and moan and take every ounce of your strength? "F-fuck," she moans out the profanity, her body succumbing to the overwhelming burst of intense, numbing heat. She flinches a few times as her eyes squeeze shut.
So close, now. Another round, and there is nowhere Minju is more content than trapped, helpless, watching you near another orgasm. She doesn't even attempt to hide her delight when you're about to blow. A smile of satisfaction as you unload inside of her. A welcome sight as you feel yourself rupture, as your essence pumps into her little fuckhole. The sticky hot cum that fills her.
And Minju moans for you, breathless, happy, so lovingly joyful that her existence has resulted in this moment—this act—her purpose as nothing more than something you fuck, claim, and own.
But, there is work to be done, work you cannot shirk away from. So, with a light sigh, you wipe your forehead, you gather Minju off of the table—flickering eyelids and all—and you lead her with gentle encouragement. "Let's clean you off. There's a good girl," you say, and she holds onto your neck, as you lift her off the desk.
You perch Minju on the sink for a moment, un-trapping her legs so she can stand once you place her into the shower.
"Stay. Still."
And again, you can see that longing gaze. Sultry, drawn. She wants so much, and she needs so little.
"There," you draw out the word with a certain finality and walk behind her to start the shower, switching from bath faucet to shower nozzle, and taking great care in testing the heat of the water, to make sure not to burn her precious skin.
You start with her shoulders, sweeping her soaked locks down her back, wet, heavy and darker now. Washing her takes time, patience, and gentleness—you bring the palm of your hand over her shoulder while the other directs the shower head. The water trails down her arm, little rivulets tracing over her porcelain skin. You draw the shower across her back and admire how the water caresses the curves of her frame.
She keeps perfectly still, save the tremble that comes with the rise of her chest each time the water meets a sensitive point. Your hand follows in the water, over her sides, slowly. You draw her close against your chest, putting your head beside Minju's, looking down over her shoulder. you bring the head of the shower to her chest and let the water flow across, over the swell of her breasts.
You whisper into her ear, "Stay just like this. Let me wash down my toy after use."
Your name comes out of her mouth, a little strained, and when you wrap your arm around her and cup her little breast, she immediately whimpers. This poor girl still hasn't cum, and she's so sensitive.
You rest her against you, keeping your front flush against the curve of her back, and there is something wonderful and sweet in the way she falls back against you. Minju leans her head back on your shoulder, a nuzzle, and your hand continues to cup her and you play with her nipple. The shower, however, you bring lower and lower, down over her slender belly and between her legs.
The lower it goes, the more soft whimpers she makes, and Minju's feet begin to curl, and she draws a slow intake of air through her clenched teeth. You dip the jets of water low, and Minju finally gives out this small groan, her eyes squeezing tight and her mouth opening and closing, the words and sounds catching as she trembles all over. 
You press it against her pussy, and she bucks lightly backwards against you—hard—and grinds. A pleasured exhale, a sign of satisfaction. That the poor girl is finally getting her pleasure but "No, no, no," she says—is she feeling guilty for it?—and she struggles forward from your grasp.
"Shh... it's okay," you soothe her, but she still jerks her body. There's this fact, that always rings true, whenever you use Minju like this. Part of it, she told you before, is how in her own head she degrades herself. She tells herself that she doesn't deserve to cum. That a toy's only purpose is for others, and she will deny herself an orgasm until you give her express permission to finish herself. That's why she fights now, she is ashamed of her own arousal and enjoyment.
You press the shower hard into her clit and she groans, "I can't... I can't—"
"Yes, you can." You focus on using the shower in little circles, not allowing any distance between it and the sensitive nub. Her head falls back on you, eyes shut tight as if in anguish. "You have served me so well. You were so wonderful. Let go for me, beautiful." You murmur those things in her ear and Minju opens her lips to say something but no words form, it's simply a long, deep-seated, contented moan. A relief-filled sound that is music to your ears.
Her back goes completely tense, and her hips twist and buck, but you press firmly down, keeping her locked into the jet. She bites her lower lip, almost like she's desperate, and it hurts, the way her whole body tenses up for so many seconds before the relief sweeps over her. The sensations surge throughout her body, leaving her limp and satisfied.
After the rush passes through, she moans, over and over. Shattering pleasure has overtaken her mind and all she can think about is the joy her lover has bestowed upon her, the ultimate show of adoration and tenderness.
"Good girl. That's it. Give in," you breathe out the last sentence, and Minju moans louder, riding it out. Her body writhes violently and her toes curl as her breathing stops, she's stuck at the very height of her pleasure, but finally lets out an ecstatic, long-winded moan. You drop the shower, and cradle Minju with your whole body.
Her hips jump one last time against your hand and then she goes completely lax against you, her feet plant flat down and her whole body gives out. Minju slides back onto her heels, and her face drops toward the floor and she just smiles with pure glee. If not for you, she would collapse to the floor in this exhausted, limp state.
For some minutes, you hold Minju until she can find enough strength until the daze of her orgasm is no longer in effect.
"Now, let's really clean up."
"Let me," she says. "Let me clean you, please."
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fuckyeahisawthat · 6 months ago
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Furiosa thoughts
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About 48 hours after watching, I think my take on Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is coalescing into: I enjoyed it as a Mad Max movie but found it disappointing as a Fury Road prequel.
Any Mad Max movie made after Fury Road was always going to suffer the fate of being compared to Fury Road, which is the best action movie ever made. So like, compared to any other action movie you can think of, Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (we'll call it FMMS going forward) is very very good! It just isn't Fury Road.
The rest is under the cut for spoilers:
The action sequences were compelling. (I was aware I was hunched forward in my seat in tension/anticipation almost the entire time.) Some of them were even brilliant. That long sequence where the Octoboss and the Mortiflyers (yes those are their names) are attacking the War Rig with all kinds of airborne contraptions? Phenomenal. I was like yes okay now we are in a Mad Max movie! Other than that one sequence, though, in which we see Furiosa and Praetorian Jack begin to trust each other, I thought they rarely achieved the kind of wordless advancement of character relationships through action beats that is the lifeblood of Fury Road. So the action was good, but it was just normal-good, not Fury Road transcendent.
I did miss John Seale's cinematography. While I thought the action choreography was great, the shot selection was just not as dynamic and interesting as in Fury Road. I also really did not vibe with so much of the musical themes being recycled from Fury Road. The Fury Road score is SO memorable and the music is such an integral part of the momentum and feeling of every scene in the movie; I can play that score and see every beat of the action unfolding in my brain now. I wanted new score that felt like it was a part of this new action that we were seeing.
I loved all the new worldbuilding details and finally getting to see inside Gastown and the Bullet Farm. Those locations and their unique features were utilized really well for the action that took place in them. Loved the new details we got about the Citadel. The grappling hooks just dipping down to yoink people's vehicles during battle? Fantastic. The hidden Citadel ledge with the little pool of water?? That was such a fanfic-ready location. Pretty sure I already wrote at least one fic set there back in like 2016.
The Green Place! Very different from what I imagined but so much worldbuilding in just a few shots.
In general I thought the new cast rose to the challenge. Alyla Browne who played little kid Furiosa I thought was phenomenal actually. That's a tough role, both emotionally and physically, for a child actor and she slayed it. Casting Indigenous model and actress Charlee Fraser to play Furiosa's mother certainly made the Stolen Generation parallels more obvious. I'll have a lot more to say about Dementus down below, but Chris Hemsworth brought a great combo of bonkers and menacing.
I never doubted that Anya Taylor-Joy could bring the emotional intensity needed to the role--she can do crazy eyes like nobody's business, and with the growl she put in her voice she really did sound like Charlize Theron a bit. I found her physicality convincing for a young Furiosa. But she is not Charlize, through no fault of her own. Charlize is tall and she has broad shoulders and she just takes up so much space when moving and fighting as Furiosa and I think it was always going to be hard to replicate that. As long as they didn't try too hard to bridge the gap between the characters I was fine with it. But that one scene at the end where she's bringing the Wives to the Rig I was very viscerally like that is NOT our Furiosa. (I almost wish they would've used Charlize's stunt double for that scene the way they popped Jacob Tomuri into Max's place.) They could have simply left a time gap--based on the "15 years" she says to Dementus and the 7,000+ days we hear about in Fury Road there should be at least a 4-year gap between the film timelines, although in terms of bridging the look of the two actors it feels like it should be more like 10 years.
If FMMS had been a self-contained movie about a character named Furiosa in the Mad Max universe, I think I would have found it very satisfying. But as a prequel to Fury Road there were a bunch of ways I thought it was lacking on a story level.
I think it's pretty clear that this is not the backstory, or at least not the complete backstory, that Charlize Theron was imagining while playing Furiosa. Which...there's nothing objectively wrong with that; word of God and what actors think about their characters doesn't supersede what's on film for determining what is canon. However, Fury Road positions Joe as Furiosa's main antagonist, and while we don't get the full story behind the incandescent rage she directs at him, we know that rage is there and is a big part of her motivation. In interviews at the time, Charlize talked about the idea that Furiosa had been stolen to be a Wife but then was discovered to be infertile and discarded, how she survived by hiding in the Citadel and eventually rose to a position of power, how she saw her actions not as saving the Wives but as stealing them, and that her motivation at least starts out as more about hurting Joe than helping these women.
We get only the tiniest suggestion of Furiosa's backstory in Fury Road ("I was taken as a child, stolen") and the rest we piece together by implication. She is a healthy full-life woman working for a man who keeps healthy full-life women as sex slaves, hoping one of them will produce a viable male heir for him. She is effectively a general in his army, projecting his power on the wasteland, a position no other woman seems to occupy. She tells Max she is seeking "redemption." Redemption for what? She doesn't say. But "whatever she has done to win a position of power within this misogynist death cult" seems like a pretty obvious answer.
And that's interesting! That's an interesting backstory that engages with some of the core themes and moral questions of the Mad Max universe. These movies deal a lot with the tension between self-preservation and human connection. Do you screw someone else over to protect yourself? Even if it means putting them in the terrible position that you yourself have clawed your way out of? Even if it means enforcing your own oppressor's power over them? Or do you take the risk of helping people and caring enough to connect with them, even though this carries an emotional and physical risk?
FMMS doesn't really engage with Furiosa's relationship to Joe like, at all. It's not like Joe comes off looking like a good guy. He's just hardly in the movie. I don't know if this would have been different if Hugh Keays-Byrne were still alive. I don't know if there was pressure from the studio to cast an A-list male lead actor alongside Anya Taylor-Joy (who's a hot commodity now but wasn't what I would call an A-lister when she was originally cast). I don't know if, once Chris Hemsworth was cast, that affected how central his character's role became, since he is certainly the biggest name attached to the film. I would have actually been fine with Chris Hemsworth or another actor of his ilk playing a younger Joe, and us getting to see some of the charisma that attracted followers to him.
But the end result is that we have Dementus, who is a perfectly fine Mad Max villain, and quite entertaining at times! But not the most compelling antagonist you could give Furiosa.
The four Mad Max movies that feature Max go through an interesting evolution. In the first two movies, the villains are people "outside" society--criminals and roving gangs--and the people Max is defending are "civilization." So we have Mad Max where Max is a very fucked-up cop, and Road Warrior where Max is the prototypical western gunslinger, riding in to town to protect the settlement from an outside threat, but ultimately unable to accept any of the comforts of civilization for himself.
Then in Thunderdome and Fury Road, the dynamic switches. Now the antagonists are warlords and dictators. They are civilization. And the people Max ends up helping are trying to escape them.
To me, Dementus feels much more like the earlier kind of Mad Max villain. If there's another Mad Max movie I can most compare FMMS to, it's the first one. Dementus is Furiosa's Toecutter. (Kills her family, gives her her signature disabling injury, movie ends with her seeking revenge on him but it doesn't feel heroic or triumphant.) The whole end of FMMS when Furiosa is implacably hunting down Dementus? Extremely Mad Max 1.
But violent revenge holds a different symbolic place in Furiosa's story than it does in Max's. The end of Mad Max is a tragedy because Max tells us it is. He explicitly states, early in the movie, that he needs to stop being a cop or he'll become no different than the violent criminals he's pursuing. So he leaves his job and goes on an extended weird vacation with his wife and child, trying to get away from the violence of a collapsing society. But that violence finds him anyway, and by the end of the movie, Max has become the exact thing he said he didn't want to be. It's a tragedy not because the people Max kills in revenge for killing his family don't deserve it, but because seeking violent sadistic revenge is damaging to Max. That is not what he needs in order to heal from the loss of his wife and child. What he needs is to take the risk of human connection again. This is what he starts groping toward in the following two movies and fully realizes in Fury Road.
But Furiosa doesn't have the same arc. Her story in Fury Road is about how a few people struggling against their oppressor can be the catalyst that brings down a whole regime. Furiosa getting to rip Joe's face off is fucking satisfying, and it's supposed to be! So it's a bit weird, then, to spend an entire movie giving her a backstory that not only is not about Joe at all, but implies that seeking and getting revenge against Dementus for killing her mother and Jack is what made her into the person we see in Fury Road.
Aside from questions of revenge, what I thought Furiosa's goal was going to be is set up in the beginning of the movie. "No matter what happens, find your way home." Very clear objective there. And then we see her try to get home like, 1.5 times. I thought we were well set up to follow the tried and true film story format of "simple goal, big obstacles, high stakes." I wanted to see her trying over and over again to get home, and being thwarted in different ways every time. I wanted to see grief and guilt over her mother's death turn her mother's last command into a mission for which she would sacrifice anything (and anyone) else. I wanted to see her justify working for Joe and accumulating power in the violent world of the Citadel as what she has to do in order to get home. I wanted to see "Have you done this before?" "Many times." But we didn't really get that either.
Ultimately, I think the least frustrating way to think about the film--which the film itself encourages--is as one of many possible Wasteland legends about a character called Furiosa. Maybe it happened this way. Maybe it didn't. Maybe this is the Furiosa we see in Fury Road. Maybe it isn't. It all depends on how much you believe of the History Man's tales.
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hiitsm · 7 months ago
Text
In Safe Arms
When your body goes back to survival mode, Alexia is there to help you get through it.
A Little Bit of Angst, Small Mentions of Undetailed Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Comfort.
-
The soft light of early morning filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. Alexia, already awake, watched you sleep beside her, noticing the tension in your body that seemed unusual compared to your usual peaceful slumber. Your jaw was clenched, your fists balled up in the bedsheets, clinging tightly as if you were desperately trying to anchor yourself from falling off a cliff.
Concerned, Alexia shifted closer, her fingers reaching out to trace soothing patterns through your hair. The gentle touch seemed to work its magic almost immediately; your brow unfurrowed slightly, and a deep, relieved sigh escaped your lips as you gradually stirred from the troubled depths of your dream.
As your eyes fluttered open, meeting Alexia's soft, caring gaze, the remnants of whatever dream had gripped you seemed to melt away under her comforting presence. Her fingers continued their gentle journey through your hair, coaxing you back to a calmer reality.
Alexia's soft voice broke the early morning silence, her breath warm against the reader's temple as she whispered, "Buenos días, amor." Her lips pressed a gentle kiss there, the tenderness of the gesture pulling a contented sigh from you.
"Only on my temple?" you teased, turning to face Alexia with a playful pout. I think I deserve one on the lips too."
Chuckling, Alexia obliged, leaning in to kiss you softly, a spark of joy lighting up her eyes. "How could I ever deny you?" she murmured, her voice laced with laughter.
Nuzzling closer to Alexia, you shifted your weight, carefully maneuvering until you were lying on top of her, enveloped by her presence. Her eyes, filled with a mixture of surprise and affection, met yours as you settled comfortably against her.
"Can you hold me tightly?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. The vulnerability behind your request was masked by a small smile, but Alexia could sense the underlying tension in your posture.
"Of course,'' Alexia replied, her arms encircling you with an immediate and protective strength. She pulled you closer, her embrace a fortress against the world. Within the circle of her arms, you felt a momentary peace as the anxiety that often gnawed at your edges began to ebb.
Sometimes the remnants of your childhood crept up like this, unannounced but overwhelmingly present. Growing up in an environment where anxiety and fear were constant companions left deep imprints that occasionally surfaced, demanding attention. The fear of unpredictable punishment, the tension of walking on eggshells inside your home-it had been years, yet at moments like this, those memories pulsed through you, visceral and alive.
As you nestled closer into Alexia's embrace, her arms wrapped around you securely, she sensed the subtle shift in your demeanor. With a gentle touch, she traced circles on your back, her voice soft and soothing. "Is that feeling back, amor?" she asked, her concern palpable.
With a small nod, you buried your face deeper into the crook of her neck, seeking solace in her warmth. The admission was difficult, the weight of the past pressing down on you, but Alexia's unwavering presence made it easier to bear.
Alexia felt the slight tremor in your breath as you clung to her, her heart aching with empathy. She brushed a gentle hand through your hair, soothingly. "Do you want to talk about it?" she whispered, giving you the space to open up if you needed to.
You shook your head, your voice muffled against her skin, "No, Io siento."
Instantly, Alexia tightened her embrace, a reassuring fortress around you. "Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about, not ever" she said firmly, her tone imbued with warmth and conviction. "You don't ever have to apologize for how you feel, okay?"
Your heart swelled with gratitude, tears pricking the corners of your eyes from the sheer relief of unconditional support. "l just want to be close to you,'' you murmured, your voice thick with emotion. "Can we just stay here a little longer?"
"Of course, we can," Alexia responded without hesitation, her voice a soft caress against the top of your head. "We can stay here as long as you need,"
You shifted slightly within the circle of Alexia's arms, turning to face her again. As you looked up into her eyes, there was a softness there, a depth of emotion that only made the bond between you feel more poignant. Your hand gently caressed her cheek, appreciating the way her skin felt under your fingertips.
Feeling the weight of your emotions, Alexia gently pulled back, her eyes searching yours with tender concern. "Do you need me to lay on you?" she asked softly, her voice filled with compassion. "Sometimes it helps, right?"
You nodded, grateful for her understanding and the familiarity of her comforting presence. "Yeah, that would be nice," you replied, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips despite the heaviness in your heart.
With a gentle nod, Alexia shifted, settling herself comfortably against you, her head resting on your chest as she draped an arm across your waist. The weight of her body against yours was grounding, a soothing balm to the turmoil within. Closing your eyes, you let out a deep breath, allowing yourself to be enveloped in the warmth of her love and the safety of her embrace.
As Alexia's weight settled against you, the floodgates of emotion threatened to burst open, a torrent of pent-up feelings clamoring for release. With a shaky breath, you felt the telltale sting of tears welling in your eyes, your chest tightening with the weight of unspoken burdens. Sensing your struggle, Alexia squeezed your hand gently, her touch a silent reassurance.
"It's okay, amor," she whispered, her voice a soft murmur against your ear. "Let it out. Crying helps, remember? I'm here for you, always."
Through your tears, you whispered, the reality of her impending training session breaking through the serene bubble that had enveloped you both. "You have training soon," you managed to say, your voice thick with emotion. "You'll need to get out of bed eventually."
As your words hung in the air, Alexia's expression softened with understanding. "I'm not going anywhere," she said gently, her voice a soothing balm to your troubled heart. "Right now, all that matters is helping you feel better again."
With a tender smile, she brushed a tear from your cheek before pressing a kiss to your forehead. "How about we start with making your favorite pancakes?" she suggested, a playful glint in her eyes. "I heard they have magical healing powers."
Despite the weight of your emotions, a small laugh escaped your lips at her lighthearted remark. The idea of pancakes, a simple comfort from happier times, offered a ray of hope amidst the darkness of your despair. With a nod, you squeezed her hand in gratitude, allowing yourself to lean into the warmth of her love and the promise of brighter days ahead.
"And" she continued, a playful twinkle lighting up her eyes, "you could come with me to training. A bit of fresh air, the buzz of the training ground-it might do you good. And l'd feel better having you close, knowing you're okay." Her offer was tempting, a perfect blend of her professional commitment and her personal care for you.
"You really mean that?" you asked, touched by her willingness to adapt her important routines for you.
"Every word," Alexia assured, squeezing you slightly.
"So, what do you say? Training with a bit of extra cheer from my favorite person, or a quiet morning here where I make sure you're truly alright before we go anywhere?" The choices warmed you, reminding you again of why you loved her so much-not just for her talent on the field, but for her deep, unwavering affection and understanding.
"Let's go watch you train," you decided, the idea sparking a little excitement within you, a small flicker of normalcy. "But first, the pancakes!''
Alexia let out a laugh, her enthusiasm for even the simplest plans with you evident in her bright smile. "Pancakes it is," she agreed, the warmth in her voice matching the softness in her eyes. "I'll make you the best pancakes you've ever had. Deal?"
"Deal," you replied, your heart lightening. The Alexia who could make any day better, who could turn even a moment of worry into an opportunity for joy.
She slipped out of bed, her movements quick and fluid, ready to tackle the task at hand. You followed more slowly, wrapping a cozy robe around yourself, feeling the remnants of tension easing from your shoulders. The aroma of coffee soon filled the air, blending with the sweet scent of batter as Alexia hummed a tune while whisking vigorously. Watching her in such domestic bliss, her focus momentarily shifted from football to taking care of you, was deeply comforting.
As you settled at the kitchen counter, Alexia flipped pancakes with practiced ease, her back to you. Every so often, she glanced over her shoulder, her eyes seeking yours, ensuring you were truly alright. It was in these quiet, unspoken exchanges that love often spoke the loudest, and sitting there in the soft morning light, watching her cook, you felt enveloped in a profound sense of security and belonging.
As the last pancake sizzled on the griddle, Alexia turned off the stove and turned to face you, a thoughtful expression on her face. "So, my mother and sister want to have dinner tonight," she began, her voice gentle as she broached the topic. "If you want to go, we can go together. But if you'd rather stay here, I can stay too. Your well-being comes first."
You met her gaze with a smile, touched by her consideration. "I would love to go," you replied without hesitation. "I enjoy spending time with you and your family. They're wonderful, just like you."
Alexia's face lit up with a smile, her eyes softening with affection. "Thank you," she murmured, stepping closer to wrap her arms around you in a warm embrace. "I'm glad you feel that way. It means a lot to me."
-
My thoughts during and after writing this piece:
Every trauma, whether rooted in childhood or not, deserves acknowledgment and healing. With the right person by your side, navigating the healing journey becomes not just possible, but also deeply enriching. It's okay to heal at your own pace, to embrace the process as a perpetual journey rather than a destination, knowing that each step forward is a triumph in itself.
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hd-junglebook · 7 months ago
Text
My Sunshine
Part 1 - rewrite of the original
Warnings - pregnancy, flirting, verbal abuse, gaslighting, slight mention of prostitution, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, crying, banana muffins
a:n I'm so in love with the way that this came out, I could literally faint. I want to this man. ferally. In the most respectful way that I can put it. Had me giggling like a SLUT. Like look at that face, come on..
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Summary: Y/N reminisces about her past, the faint memory of her hateful mother as reality starts to really sink in. Along comes jack and his giddy smile, eager to get to know our dear sunshine.
Word Count ~ 4k
1 month later
10:00am
The doctor's voice cuts through the heavy silence, their tone professional yet laced with a hint of warmth. "While we wait for the results, can you tell me the date of your last menstrual period and any potential dates of conception?"
Y/N takes a deep, steadying breath, her mind instantly transported back to the haunting echoes of her mother's cruel words. The memories feel so visceral, as if the scenes are playing out before her eyes once more.
"I wish one day, you could see why I raised you the way I did. You're so weak, gullible, and always so goddamn sensitive. It's pathetic, really." Her mother's voice drips with disdain, the familiar sting of her judgement cutting deep.
Y/N can practically feel the weight of her mother's disapproving stare, the contempt burning in her eyes. "Just like your useless father, y/n. You've never been and will never be good enough, not like me."
"You will need me one day, when you have a baby, you're gonna wish I was the one there helping you, holding your hand. But I won't be, because you've always been a disappointment, a burden I never wanted." The thought of facing motherhood without the unwavering support she so desperately craves fills Y/N with dread.
"I hate you, y/n, and I wish I would've gotten rid of you when I had the chance. I never regretted anything more than letting your useless father talk me into keeping you. I lost my whole life raising you - I slaved and sold myself to put food on the table, all for you ungrateful little shits." The bitterness in her mother's voice is palpable, a raw wound that has never fully healed.
Forcing the memories to the back of her mind, Y/N provides the doctor with the requested information to the best of her recollection.
A knot forms in her stomach as the details flow from her lips, a painful reminder of the intimate moments with Jason - moments that had once filled her with such joy and hope, but now only serve to heighten her anxiety.
The doctor nods, jotting down the notes on their clipboard. They continue the conversation, their tone gentle and understanding, offering Y/N a sense of comfort in the midst of the emotional turmoil.
After what feels like an eternity, they excuse themselves to check on the test results. The room falls silent, save for the ticking of the clock – each second a countdown to the life-changing news that awaits Y/N.
When the doctor returns, they have a file in hand. Taking a seat beside Y/N, they meet her gaze, their expression softening with a warmth that puts her at ease, even as her heart races in anticipation.
"Y/N," they begin gently, their voice filled with empathy, "the urine test came back positive for hCG. Congratulations, you're pregnant." The doctor pauses, studying Y/N's face for a moment before continuing. "I understand this may be an overwhelming time, but I want you to know that we're here to support you every step of the way."
Y/N feels her breath catch in her throat, the news hitting her like a physical blow.
Part of her had hoped, prayed, that the results would be negative, that the at home test she took a few weeks ago were wrong, that she wouldn't have to face the daunting prospect of motherhood, especially without Jason's support.
But now, as the reality of her situation sinks in, she can't help but feel utterly alone, trapped in the shadow of her mother's cruelty. Following down the same path she did when she was 18 but only she was 23, grown, and by herself.
"What am I going to do?" she whispers, tears falling to the ground.
A sudden movement in front of her face snapped Y/N out of her trance, her body jolting in response. "I'm sorry," she blurted out, hastily wiping the tears from her eyes.
The doctor slid back onto his stool, a warm smile on his face as he handed her a stack of pamphlets. "I’m very happy for you," he said, mistaking her tears for joy. "Here are some resources for young mothers. I know this must be an exciting, but overwhelming time. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or concerns."
Y/N stared at the man, momentarily confused, until the reality of the situation came crashing back.
11:30am
Y/N stood in line at 'The Brew' coffee shop, the warm, inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee enveloping her like a comforting embrace, soft Russian music playing over the stereo. The rich scent of roasted beans mingled with the subtle sweetness of vanilla and caramel, instantly lifting her spirits.
As she waited patiently, her eyes wandered to the man next to her, who seemed lost in thought. He was engrossed in a conversation on his phone, his brow furrowed in concentration, creating a series of deep lines that etched themselves into his forehead.
He shuffled his feet nervously, the movement causing the light to catch on the polished leather of his shoes. His gaze flickered to the menu before him, a brief moment of indecision flashing across his face, and Y/N found herself wondering what could be troubling him.
Unable to resist the urge to learn more, she stole a glance at him, admiring the way the soft, golden light of the café danced across his features. The angles of his jawline were sharp and defined, a stark contrast to the soft, inviting curve of his lips that seemed to beckon her closer.
As if sensing her gaze, he suddenly turned, and their eyes met. In that instant, the world seemed to slow down, the bustling noise of the café fading into the background as Y/N was enveloped in a moment of pure connection. His eyes, a mesmerizing blue, held her captive, sparkling with a hint of mischief that ignited a spark within her.
A confident smile spread across his face, and he leaned away slightly, speaking into the phone. “Alright Lukey, I gotta go.”
"Hey, you're my neighbor, right?" he asked, the recognition evident in his tone. "You live on Baker Street?"
Y/N blinked, surprised by his sudden acknowledgment. "Yes, I do."
Yet, as she spoke, Y/N felt her shyness begin to melt away, like frost under the warmth of his unwavering gaze. There was a magnetic pull to this stranger, an allure that she found herself inexplicably drawn to.
"I'm Jack," he said, extending his hand towards her. His movements were fluid and graceful, his arm cutting through the space between them with a sense of purpose.
As he reached out, Y/N couldn't help but notice the way his fingers flexed, the tendons in his hand shifting beneath his skin like the strings of a finely tuned instrument.
Hesitating for only a moment, Y/N slipped her hand into his, relishing the gentle firmness of his grip. "It's nice to meet you, Jack," she replied, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth as she held his gaze, unwilling to be the first to break the connection.
He leaned against the counter, his gaze locked on Y/N, as if she was the only person in the crowded coffee shop. "I've been wondering when I'd get the chance to officially introduce myself."
Y/N felt her cheeks flush with heat, suddenly keenly aware of his undivided attention. "I, um, I'm not usually one for small talk," she admitted, her words coming out in a flustered jumble.
Jack chuckled, the sound low and rich. "Lucky for you, I more than make up for that." He flashed her a dazzling smile, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "I'm quite the chatterbox, as I'm sure you're about to find out."
Caught off guard by his confidence, Y/N found herself relaxing, drawn in by his easy charm. As the line moved forward, she fell into step beside him, her shoulders brushing against his as they approached the counter.
"So, what's your order of choice?" Jack asked, his gaze sweeping over the menu. "I'm a bit of a coffee connoisseur myself."
Y/N blinked, momentarily flustered by his proximity. "Um, usually anything caramel flavored, I think," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m leaning towards tea today though.”
Jack's lips curved into a grin. "Excellent choice. A classic, just like you."
"Can I have a banana muffin? And whatever she's getting, we're together." Jack said, flashing the barista a charming smile.
The barista nodded, punching in the order as Y/N stood there, momentarily stunned by Jack's gesture. She managed to give a small smile, her heart pounding erratically in her chest.
"After you," Jack said, gesturing towards the pickup counter. He placed a gentle hand on the small of her back, guiding her forward.
Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine at his touch, her nerves alight. As they waited for their order, Jack turned to her, his sapphire eyes sparkling. “Just a green tea please. And a banana muffin too.” She added, meeting jack’s eyes for a second.
"Such a gentleman," y/n teased. Jack laughed, flashing her a wink. He turned towards the seating area, gesturing for Y/N to follow. "Come on, let's find a cozy spot."
Y/N felt herself being drawn along by his infectious energy, her feet moving almost of their own accord as she trailed behind him. He led them to a small table by the window, pulling out a chair for her before taking a seat across from her.
She didn’t know what to do with herself as she took the seat he offered, settling in across from him. The way he was looking at her, with such open curiosity and intrigue, made her heart race.
"So, Y/N, tell me - what brings you to this fine establishment on this lovely day?" Jack asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding her with a playful smile.
Y/N felt herself relax slightly under his warm gaze. "Just my usual coffee run, nothing too exciting," she admitted shyly.
"Ah, but any day that starts with a chance encounter like this is anything but ordinary," Jack countered, his eyes twinkling. "You've got nowhere else to be, right? No urgent errands or appointments calling your name?"
Y/N shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "No, nothing pressing that I can think of."
"Excellent." Jack leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table as he studied her intently. "Then you won't mind if I take the opportunity to learn more about the mysterious neighbor from Baker Street?"
Jack's eyes crinkled with delight as the barista arrived with their order, setting down a steaming latte in front of Y/N and a banana muffin alongside it.
"Ah, perfect timing," he said, flashing the barista a grateful smile. The scent of the baked treat mingled with the rich aroma of coffee, creating a tantalizing combination that did little to calm her already frazzled nerves.
Glancing down at her phone, she quickly typed out a message to her friend Heather, her fingers trembling slightly. 'You're never going to believe this, but this unbelievably gorgeous guy just bought me a coffee and we're sitting at a table together! I'm honestly freaking out right now - I have no idea what to do.'
She hit send, her fingers trembling slightly as she placed the phone back on the table, unsure of what to do next.
Y/N couldn't help but sneak a peek at Jack, who was leaning back in his chair, a warm smile playing on his lips as he took a contemplative sip of his own coffee. The way the morning light danced across his striking features only served to heighten his already captivating presence.
 "So, Y/N, what do you do for a living?" he asked, his gaze warm and curious. "I have a feeling there's more to you than just your 'usual coffee run'." His gaze latched back onto hers, his eyes sparkling with genuine curiosity.
Y/N felt heat rise to her cheeks at his words, both flattered and flustered by his obvious interest. "Well, I, uh, I sometimes write for a sports magazine," she stammered, her heart fluttering erratically. "And I'm also working on a couple of novels in my spare time."
Jack's face lit up with delight, and he leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table as he studied her intently. "A writer, huh? That's incredibly impressive. What kind of sports do you cover?"
"A little bit of everything, really," Y/N replied, slowly beginning to relax under the warmth of his gaze. "But I do have a particular fondness for hockey as of recently. There's just something about the intensity of the game that I find absolutely captivating. The fighting, the crowd, just a mix of all of it."
"Hockey, you say?" Jack's eyes gleamed with unbridled enthusiasm. "Well, as it happens, I'm a bit of a hockey player myself. I actually play for the Jersey Devils as a defenseman."
Y/N's eyes widened in genuine surprise, her earlier nerves temporarily forgotten. "What! Well, tell me about it. Do you enjoy it?"
Jack chuckled, the rich sound sending a shiver down Y/N's spine. "Well, then I'd be more than happy to regale you with tales of my hockey exploits." He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "But only if you promise to share some of your own stories in return."
She extended her pinky, a silent invitation, waiting for him to entwine his with hers, sealing their promise in a tender gesture.
Jack gently raised his hand to the table, his eyes fixed on hers, as he tenderly entwined his larger pinky with hers, sealing their promise with a heartfelt gesture.
The two fell into an easy conversation, trading stories and sharing their passions. Y/N found herself captivated by Jack's easy charm and infectious enthusiasm, and before long, the lunch rush began to fill the coffee shop.
"Maybe I should let you get back to your day," Y/N said reluctantly, glancing around at the growing crowd, a twinge of disappointment tugging at her heart.
But Jack's eyes held a glimmer of pleading, and he reached across the table, his fingers brushing against hers in a gesture that sent electricity coursing through her veins.
"Or you could stay a little longer?" he suggested, his voice low and hopeful. "I'm quite enjoying our chat, and I'd hate for it to end so soon."
Y/N hesitated, her heart palpitating in its cage. This was all so unexpected, but there was something about Jack that made her want to throw caution to the wind.
Taking a deep breath, she offered him a shy smile, her nerves and excitement mingling in equal measure. "You know, I think I'd like that. And maybe, if you're free sometime, we could, um, grab dinner?"
Jack's face lit up with a dazzling smile. "I'd love nothing more," he said, quickly pulling out his phone. "Here, let me give you my number. I can't wait to take you out."
As Jack typed away, Y/N felt a surge of giddiness. This was all so new and exciting, and she couldn't help but wonder where this chance encounter might lead. One thing was certain, though – she was more than ready to find out.
Jack made her feel - seen, heard, and utterly captivated.
14:00 pm
I debated including this, but I felt so giddy and in love with writing I couldn’t help it. I’m just a sucker for some pure love.
***A gentle breeze caressed her face, carrying with it the scent of springtime The world around her seemed to burst with vibrant color - the lush, verdant hues of the trees, their leaves rustling softly in the breeze.
The myriad shades of pink and purple adorning the blooming flowers that lined the sidewalk, and the vast, azure sky overhead, dotted with wispy clouds that danced languidly across the heavens.
It was as if the entire city had been painted with a master's brush, each detail a testament to nature's radiant beauty.
Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her camera, her fingers trembling with excitement as she began to weave through the bustling streets.
In the nearby park, she captured the laughter of happy families, their faces aglow with pure, unadulterated joy as they swung gleefully on the playground or tossed a Frisbee back and forth, their movements fluid and carefree.
Further down the path, a lonely man sat on a bench, tossing a well-worn tennis ball to his faithful canine companion. As the dog bounded after it, his tail wagging furiously, a warm smile spread across the man's face, his eyes crinkling with a contentment that seemed to radiate outwards, touching all who witnessed the tender exchange.
Y/N couldn't resist the urge to capture these fleeting moments, her camera shutter clicking rapidly as she sought to preserve the beauty that surrounded her.
Every step she took seemed to reveal another breathtaking sight - a young couple sharing a picnic lunch on the lush, verdant grass, their bodies intertwined as they leaned into one another's embrace, and a group of elderly friends chatting animatedly on a park bench, their laughter carrying on the gentle breeze.
Each snapshot felt like a love letter to the world, Y/N's heart swelled with a sense of wonder, her steps light and airy as she continued her walk home.
With each snapshot she captured, she couldn't help but see the reflection of Jack in the scenes that unfolded before her.
The joyful laughter of the families in the park reminded her of the way Jack's eyes had crinkled with delight during their conversation. The lonely man's smile as he played with his dog mirrored the warmth and kindness that Jack had exuded so effortlessly.
And the tender embrace of the picnicking couple evoked the gentle way Jack's fingers had brushed against her own, sending electricity coursing through her veins.
It was as if the entire world had conspired to remind her of the captivating man she had just met, weaving his essence into the very fabric of her surroundings.
Y/N found herself wondering what she and Jack must have looked like, huddled together in the cozy coffee shop, their heads bent close as they shared stories and laughter like old friends.
The thought brought a smile to her lips, and she couldn't help but feel a sense of giddiness at the realization that this chance encounter had the potential to blossom into something truly special. Jack's colors had painted the world around her, and she couldn't wait to see what other hues he might bring into her life.***
14:30 pm
Y/N closed the door behind her, the solid wood frame pressing against her back as she leaned into it, letting out a deep, contented breath.
A smile slowly crept across her face, unbidden and unwilling, as she buried her face in her hands, momentarily overcome by the whirlwind of emotions swirling within her.
Slowly, almost reverently, her hands drifted down to her stomach, fingertips gently caressing the barely-there swell that held the promise of new life.
"Maybe this can be good for us," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking the words aloud would somehow make them more real.
Suddenly, a flash of self-consciousness washed over her, and Y/N felt a flush of embarrassment creeping up her cheeks. Had she really just been giddily daydreaming like some lovestruck schoolgirl?
The moment of levity was short-lived, however, as a familiar voice broke the silence, cutting through the haze of her thoughts.
"You just gonna stand there and be weird, or are you gonna come sit down?" Heather said, a teasing lilt in her tone.
Y/N's head snapped up, a sheepish look crossing her features as she nodded and made her way to the couch, her steps tentative and uncertain. "Sorry, I, uh, I was just..." Her voice trailed off, unsure of how to even begin explaining the maelstrom of emotions that had overtaken her.
Heather watched her fondly, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "You're being strange today," she observed, her tone laced with affection. "But I can't say I'm surprised, considering what you told me earlier."
Y/N could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she settled onto the cushions, her movements almost cautious, as if she were trying to contain the giddiness that threatened to spill out.
Unable to keep the grin from spreading across her face, she shook her head in a half-hearted attempt to downplay her excitement. "I know, I know," she said, the words tumbling out in a rush. "It's just... I haven’t felt this way in a long time and it’s exciting, you know?"
Heather chuckled, reaching out to give Y/N's hand a gentle squeeze, her eyes crinkling with warmth and understanding. "I can see that.”
19:47 pm
Later that night, Y/N ran her fingers lovingly over the smooth surface of her stomach, the gesture almost reverent as she finished her nightly cleansing routine.
Just as she set down her phone, the familiar chime of a new message caught her attention, and a giddy smile instantly blossomed on her face as she saw Jack's name on the screen.
Sinking into the soft cushions of the couch, Y/N eagerly opened the message, her heart fluttering with anticipation.
"Hey there, beautiful," Jack's text read, the words sending a flutter through Y/N's chest. "I was just thinking about you and that lovely smile of yours. How about we make it a date tomorrow night? I know this amazing little Italian place that I think you're going to love."
Y/N's fingers hovered over the screen, poised to type a response, but a twinge of hesitation gripped her. The news of her pregnancy weighed heavily on her mind, a secret that both excited and frightened her in equal measure.
She knew she should tell him, but doubt crept in, insidious and persistent. After all, she and Jack weren't even officially dating yet. Their relationship, while promising, was still new and undefined.
The thought of burdening him with this life-altering news so early on felt unfair, potentially derailing the tender connection they had begun to forge. What if the prospect of fatherhood sent him running?
Shaking off her doubts, Y/N decided to throw caution to the wind. "A date, huh? Well, you certainly know how to sweep a girl off her feet," she typed, adding a flirtatious wink emoji for good measure before hitting send.
Almost immediately, her phone chimed with Jack's response, and Y/N could practically hear the warmth and charm in his voice. "Only the best for my favorite writer," he replied, followed by a string of heart-eyed emojis. "I'll pick you up at 7 sharp. Dress to impress, beautiful."
Y/N couldn't help but grin, a giddiness bubbling up inside her. "It's a date," she replied, adding a playful wink emoji for good measure.
As she set her phone aside, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at the whirlwind of emotions coursing through her.
Just hours ago, she had been a bundle of nerves, unsure of how to navigate this newfound connection. But now, with Jack's invitation in hand, she felt a renewed sense of excitement and possibility.
Sure, the news of her pregnancy was daunting, but she couldn't help but wonder if, just maybe, this could be the start of something truly special.
After all, Jack had already shown himself to be a charming, attentive, and genuinely interested companion. Perhaps, with a little bit of courage, she could find the right moment to share this life-changing news with him.
Tag List <3
@fearfam69691 @alwaysclassyeagle, @rebelatbay, @dancerbailey3
@snailss, @dasiysthings, @shawnshoney
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sitp-recs · 2 months ago
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top 10 drarry fics by the sheer force of the feels they gave you? not necessarily good feels! things you remember primarily because they hit hard in some way.
obviously, i'd also love to hear exactly how/why they hit hard if you're up for sharing that!
Oh that’s such a wonderful ask, thank you! I’m sorry for the late reply, the 10 fics came easily bc whenever I see those titles I get immediately transported back to where I was and what I felt reading them for the first time. But putting into words what exactly makes them heartkick-y for me was a bit more challengeging. It’s usually a “when you feel it you know it” kind of thing (and quite literally too, as sometimes it manifests as an actual physical reaction!) but more often than not the fic just clicks for me and there’s no rationale behind it. As Clarice Lispector said: “I suppose that understanding myself is not a question of intelligence but of feeling. It either touches you, or it doesn't."
Anyhoo, I tried my best to keep this short and sweet but since I’ve written individual recs for almost all these fics, I thought I’d include them too :) thanks again, this was super fun! And I’d love to read about your picks as well 👀
An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned | my rec
it doesn’t get more romantic than star-crossed lovers doomed by time travel!!!! (see also: my thoughts on The Eighth Tale by lettered). this is my brand of melancholy, something about the constant yearning, the beauty of stolen moments in liminal space, the unfairness of it all… ugh
Far From the Tree by aideomai | my rec
fft has altered my brain chemistry and ruined me forever with its tender devastation, I had such a visceral reaction to it - to the point of feeling dizzy and feverish. a simple time travel concept (this is my kryptonite istg) but the epic storytelling! the gratification! the bittersweet ending! rereading it would kill me but what a way to go
Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren
easily one of the most haunting and terrifying fics I’ve ever read, one jumpscare after the other but so creative and well-written I was too busy collecting my jaw from the floor to talk myself out of it lol
Little Compton Street by writcraft | my rec
as a queer woman, this one feels extremely personal and is very dear to my heart. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt learning about queer history and finding a sense of peace and belonging. lcs feels like coming home 🏳️‍🌈
Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton
this was my first bb fic and their sense of humor just blew my mind. I was so impressed by the smooth world building, by their wit and clever political commentary. I just couldn’t stop laughing. the dialogue is so good it makes me wanna weep, I can’t explain how much joy and comfort this fic gave me
Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore
full disclosure: my reading experience was shaped by the fact that I didn’t realize the tagged disability would be major and permanent 🤡 by the time I noticed I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t stop. one of the most painful reads I’ve ever endured, worth it tho
Running on Air by eleventy7 | my rec
introspective fics are my jam and this one was just what I needed while working through some shit at a turning point in my life. so I guess it was more about finding the right fic at the right time, and I’m hit by mixed feelings of catharsis and nostalgia every time I revisit roa.
Still Life (orphaned) | my rec
my definition of a perfect shortfic. gorgeous prose, flawless execution, the “nothing is happening but everything is changing” vibes I live for, one of the best Harry pov I’ve ever read and an ending that always makes me gasp in awe. few authors can write complex emotions so effortlessly as seefin, absolute masterclass
Super Rich Kids by trishjames | my rec
criminally underrated, this story broke my heart but also gave me such a THRILL. I usually avoid substance abuse in fic but something about Draco’s spiral journey felt so raw it kept me at the edge of my seat. devastating but also a surprisingly funny and exciting thriller. the range!!!
The Long Fall by tackytiger | my rec
as someone who’s never been into kid fic and family dynamics, this was a punch on the solar plexus and rearranged my whole view about this trope. I was deeply moved by Harry’s longing for a family of his own and despite not having or wanting kids, this still felt really cathartic and changed me in a way I can’t quite explain.
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wordstome · 1 year ago
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Last night I did what I always do when I can’t fall asleep: think about fictional men. Here’s a list of wonderful stories written by incredibly talented people who have helped me think about fictional men by providing the most delicious playgrounds.
In the interest of keeping my recommendations brief, I'm going to talk about what I liked about the fic instead of summarizing what it's about. To know what it's actually about you're just gonna have to click through and read the fic <3
(and just in case anybody's gotten lost, this is all COD, mostly modern MW)
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✦ complete ║ ➠ ongoing
König
✦Just Friends by @kneelingshadowsalome Salome is so good at capturing a very unique interplay between König’s social awkwardness and his deep, dark, nasty inclinations. He’s so feral and enjoyable to read, and the sheer force of his desire for Engel is downright intoxicating. I find it difficult to describe how much of an impact Just Friends has had on me and my portrayal of König, to be honest. There's a reason why three of Salome's fics are on this rec list.
✦Fatum Nos Iungebit by kneelingshadowsalome Five words. König with his cock out. That's it. Okay, but in all seriousness, I love his character applied to this setting. All the raw visceral violence a König could ever want, a pretty little lady in his bed—he's so boyish and happy in this au it brings me such joy. The way their relationship between him and Fee develops is so natural and so sweet. Please for the love of God read this.
➠Cat/Mouse/Den by @papaver-decervicatus The chase. The pursuit. The adrenaline when Mouse dances out of König's reach once more. I'm a little biased because I adore Julius and Jenny (I could call her Lucretia but the double J names make me giggle) as ocs already, but CMD is so, so well written. The tension, the flirting, the scene where he catches her falling out of the tree?! As I said in a reblog, I shrieked. You know when you're reading something that's so good you want to bite down on it and shake like a dog with a toy? (No? Just me?) That's how I feel about CMD.
➠Anything by @darklordofthesimp Anything, in only 7 chapters (they are hefty, don’t get me wrong), has turned König and Birdy’s dynamic from “THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS IRREVERSIBLY SCARRED MY BODY AND MY BRAIN, AND I CANNOT TRUST HIM” to “these two are going to get married someday”. (author if you’re reading this, I say that not as an expectation or prediction, but as a vibe reading.) This one is for the hurt/comfort girlies. Also, shoutout to all the other stories set in the Anything-verse. Sunshine and Ghost are just soooo *grips my hand in a fist so hard it shakes*
➠If you need to be mean by @gremlingottoosilly This mostly serves as a blanket recommendation for all of Gremlin’s fics. I found If you need to be mean, and then visiting Gremlin’s author page was like opening a treasure chest. Want to be König’s pampered, (unwilling) little housewife? That’s If you need to be mean. Want a harem fic with almost all of the COD MW men? Gremlin has two, both with their own little spin to keep it fun. Do you want König to keep you in his basement or hunt you down as a serial killer? Gremlin's got it. Monsterfucker? Gremlin has that too. Special shoutout goes to 1295 kilometers. I think about fucking König on a train a lot now.
➠Break my mind by @kaiasdevotion (kaiasown on ao3) There’s no way around this. This fic has the most unhinged, kinky, downright dangerous smut I’ve read in the cod fandom so far (positive). Just Friends König is the metric by which I judge all other Königs’ nastiness, and Break my mind König is tipping so hard on the “unhinged horny violent freak (affectionate)” end of the scale he’s about to fall off. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've developed a taste for writing/reading from König's perspective, and he's so chillingly deranged in the most controlled way possible during the chapters from his pov. Incredible writing. Chefs kiss.
✦Experimental by @uhohdad (surgeoninspace on ao3) Alright, enough of just König being nasty. He is still nasty in this one, but he’s not the only one who gets to have a little fun and be a total creep. Our little scientist here is a grade A pervert, and I was delighted the whole way through. The most important thing I need in a fic is suspension of disbelief, and Experimental takes an unrealistic, maybe a little bit silly situation and makes it so believable. Everybody reacts the way you would expect them to, even if the scenario they're in is A Lot.
➠Little Mouse and Rotes Madchen by @sprout-fics I'm combining the recommendation for these two because while they are both very much distinct, unique fics, I love them the same way. Sprout is such an engaging writer, and the internal dialogue of her characters is so well done. It reveals their personality, motivations, and internal conflicts without being overly expository. Do you guys remember that post I put on the König bible about instant obsession? It's this inexorable attraction borne from obsession that sticks me to Little Mouse like a glue trap. (Is that too morbid?)
✦Hot in Sarajevo by @50cal-fullauto Rags' König characterization post is on my Königcore bible, for very good reason. They get it. König is a feral dog forced to live as a man and loves like a total maniac, emotionally and sexually. I marked Hot in Sarajevo as complete but I don't know how many parts there are going to be, and frankly, I do want more. However, if you're going to only read one part (which. why would you do that??? read both.) I recommend the second part. I want to write love like that. Goddamn.
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Ghost
Yeah, this list is a little bare bones right now. I'm gonna get back to it, I promise.
✦Anhedonia by kneelingshadowsalome The way. Salome takes the "I would take a bullet for him but he's so cold to me" premise and then flips it entirely on its head for the second part is so important to me. The way Simon craves the reader is like human catnip. I reread this fic all the time.
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Keegan
✦For the Weak and Weary by @halcyone-of-the-sea Read this if you want to believe in true love. That's all. Go on now.
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Multiple
✦Easy by @danibee33 When people say "I wish this were a book!" about fanfiction, they usually mean it in a "this is good enough to be published by the traditional publishing industry" way. When I say I want Easy (and Diablesa) to be a book, I mean it in a "I want to get this story bound in a beautiful ass cover and keep it on a shelf so I can take it down and reread it whenever I want" way. I don't want the traditional publishing industry to get their claws in this, because it's perfect as it is. This fic is so wild and fun, and the character moments are so special and well done. Do yourself a favor and savor this one.
➠@ghouljams's entire blog [masterlist] "What do you mean someone's entire blog" YOU HEARD ME. Those aus are some good shit. Good characterization, delicious premises, love the group effort of it all. To absolutely nobody's surprise, my favorite couple is König and Bee from the cowboy au (ditzy but well-meaning and competent in her own way woman x big strong man who is obsessed with her and maybe also creeping on her, my beloved), but I also have a fondness for Ghost and Die from demon darlings au. Trust me on this one. Dig into those masterlists babey.
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irisintheafterglow · 1 year ago
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I Know I'll Be Living in Vain (gojo x you)
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summary: you wake from a nightmare in a state of panic. he's there to ground you back in reality.
wc: 2.2k
cw/tags: hurt/comfort, established relationship with pet names (babe, baby, sweetheart, beautiful), gn reader, found family with megs and satoru, nightmares, panic attack, swearing, mentions of food and eating
notes: so this is part 1 of a little series i'll be doing surrounding the shibuya incident and gojo's uh...absence for all yall anime-only people. based on the song "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" by Taylor Swift and Zayn because it just fits??? so perfectly??? anyway hope you enjoy! this is also for all you found family lovers i see you and i understand you.
likes/reblogs/feedback is always appreciated <3
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He feels it viscerally in his body at the same time you do, a wall of unfathomable malice that you were never supposed to feel in the first place. It’s heart stopping, the same realization of making a mistake that ricochets your life in an unpredictable direction. Dread sinks like an anchor into his stomach and he forces down the nauseous lump gathering in his throat. He tries to train his expression into blankness, but he knows better than to deceive the King of Curses. 
“Hmm…” Sukuna’s dark eyes narrow in concentration, thoughts elsewhere instead of the sorcerer in front of him. “Someone is…reading me.” A tense beat of stillness settled between the two fighters, out of place compared to the wasteland of a city that they treaded on. Then, in a blink, both him and Sukuna are gone, racing to get to you first. He’s an eighth of a second too slow and you feel vicious claws dig into the back of your neck from your seat on the ground. Electric blue eyes meet yours, wrought with despair and suppressed rage. You always loved that the most, how his eyes always seemed to give away what he was feeling even if he didn’t say anything. Flashes of memories flicker in your mind like stop-motion film, pulling him closer in your bedroom or intertwining your fingers on a walk back to the school. Every time you looked in his eyes, you could read him; you could read his sorrow, his grief, his wrath, his joy, his love. It was different, now, from any time you’d looked at him before. 
For the first time since you’d met him, Satoru’s eyes were filled with fear. 
You blink, scared to breathe or feel the ache in your legs after being crossed for too long. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen and this meeting would cause catastrophic consequences to the plan in place. First, the non-sorcerers would break from the trance you’d put them in. They would then panic within the confines of the veil, causing the sorcerers within to divert their attention to crowd control rather than exorcizing Curses. Civilian casualties were going to increase exponentially all because you were never supposed to read Sukuna. From the look on Satoru’s face, he knew it too, and he knew it was his fault that the confrontation entered your technique’s radius in the first place. It broke your heart to see him so distraught, overwhelmed by your impending death because he wasn’t careful enough.
“This your little friend, honored one?” Sukuna’s face is a cruel sneer; he knows having you puts Satoru on the defensive. “Well?” Your head is roughly pushed forward and you cry out, face contorting in pain and frustration as Satoru’s fist opens and closes anxiously. You wordlessly pleaded with him to just attack even if you got caught in the crossfire because, as much as he was on the defensive, Sukuna was underestimating his humanity and it left him vulnerable. But ultimately, you were in the wrong–you underestimate how much Satoru needs you. 
“I didn’t think you were one to get distracted, your majesty.” You catch the slightest waver in his voice as he attempts to appear uncaring about your situation. He wasn’t succeeding. 
“Nor did I think you would stop your attacks just because another sorcerer is in your way.”
“Maybe I’m catching my breath ‘cause I didn’t hold back before.”
“Then why do you choose to now?” 
“I’m just giving you some time before we go all out again. My mother always said I had pristine manners.” In any other scenario you would have burst out laughing at the sheer inaccuracy of that statement, but all you could do was choke out a sob of disbelief. His eyes flick to you again and the muscles in his jaw clench. “Beat me first and save your,” an elegant hand waves around aimlessly in a forced show of indifference, “prize for later.” You catch his nervous swallow as his body physically rejects referring to you as an object. 
Sukuna hums in faux-thoughtfulness before his grip tightens enough to draw blood. You gasp at the warmth now dripping down the sides of your neck. “You could have beat me at any point, you know, if you didn’t stop for one measly human.” He spits the last word like it tasted disgusting on his tongue. “For one so godly, you are disappointingly just…a man.”
“Spare their life or I’ll show you just how godly I am.” There’s no more aloofness in Satoru’s body language. He’d given up his asshole-exterior to desperately negotiate for your life. The world would end because Gojo Satoru loved you too much. 
You dodge his gaze like it was a plague and silently will him to stop looking at you, lest he jeopardize both of your positions. It was too late, though. Sukuna shakes his head, patronizingly clicking his tongue in distaste. Satoru’s initial hesitation upon seeing you had given too much away. “Pathetic. The honored one should know better than to waste time on emotional attachment.” 
You feel a scorching hot sensation on the back of your head before your eyes fly open and you shoot upright in bed, hand flying to your mouth to muffle the ragged exhales from your heaving chest. It’s impossible to stop trembling and you struggle out of bed, careful not to wake its other occupant. You’re barely able to make it to the bathroom and splash your face with frigid water before the adrenaline crashes into your body in the form of a strangled cry as you recollect your nightmare. It violently wracks your body in unnatural tremors that have you holding the edge of the sink for dear life, drowning in your own worsening spiral. It wasn’t the first time you’d experienced a nightmare like this, but what frightened you the most was how realistic it felt, especially considering the rumors running around this year’s Halloween. It takes you several minutes to regain control of your body, leaving your head aching from the fluorescent lights in the bathroom. After patting dry your sweat-sticky skin, you quietly re-enter your room to find Satoru awake and waiting for you. You’re grateful to the darkness, for once, because it almost hid your swollen eyes and incessant shaking…almost. 
“Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you.” You try to keep your voice even while you slip back under the covers and his arms instinctually pull you into him. Your body continues running hot and you wiggle free from the blankets, instead searching for his natural warmth. He definitely could hear your racing heart rate but you still force feed normalcy into your words. “You can go back to sleep now. I just needed to pee. Too much water before bed, you know?” It’s quiet for a time and you sigh in relief, thinking you’d successfully fooled your excessively protective boyfriend. You’re on the edge of falling back into unconsciousness when his low voice grounds you back into reality. 
“You had a nightmare.” With eyes still shut, your breath hitches despite the relaxingly lazy circles he traces on your back. “I know you’re still awake, by the way. You breathe differently when you sleep.” You fight down the impulse to teasingly call him a creep and keep your eyes closed. Trying the silent route again, his calming touch abruptly pulls away as does the rest of his body. Groaning in frustration, you surrender and bury yourself further into his chest, muttering how you hated him and his stupid tricks. He huffs out a lighthearted chuckle, fingers returning to work on your skin as you finally look up at him. “Talk to me, beautiful.” 
“It was just a bad dream. I’m fine.” 
“You’re just as terrible of a liar as a fake-sleeper. It’s a good thing you became a sorcerer and not an actor.” He smirks when you glare up at him, eyes shining with triumph at pushing your buttons. 
“If you’re gonna be an asshole, then get out. I’ll call Suguru and Shoko to cuddle me instead.” You flip over and begin crawling out of bed again when lean limbs snake around your body, caging you against him with both his arms and his legs. He breathes an exhausted sigh against your neck that gives you goosebumps. Guess joking-Satoru had enough of your antics.
“I know the difference between when you have a bad dream and when you have a nightmare. Bad dreams don’t have you bolting up and stifling sobs in the bathroom because you think I can’t hear them. I hear them, every single time. It breaks me, you know?” Your heart pangs in sharp guilt but he only pulls you closer. “Please, baby. Talk to me.” You let him rotate your body so that your head rests on his chest and you inhale the unwaveringly strong presence of him. 
“I dreamt something went wrong during an attack on a city. I was evacuating and you were fighting Sukuna and…” Your voice cracks as you relive the dream in your mind’s eye, wincing when you remember the all-too-real look on Satoru’s face as you die. “Sukuna got to me.” His arms tighten around your body and you squeeze your eyes shut to block out the flood of bad dreams that unlocked as a result of this single nightmare. “And I really don’t fucking know, I just–”
“Do you remember that time we took Megumi to a splash pad? Tsumiki was at her first sleepover and we stole him away for the weekend.” 
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the sudden change in the conversation and you look at him, only to see him staring off into the ceiling. “Yeah? I mean, we stole him away for a lot of weekends. Why do you–”
“He hated that place with every fiber of his tiny body.” His eyes fondly flutter shut, pretty mouth curling into a grin. “I remember we had to bribe him with ginger chicken just to get him to stand near one of those fountains. It was for the greater good, though, since I think the universe was trying to roast us alive during that summer.”
You smile at the image of little Megs’ frown and crossed arms as he reluctantly steps closer to the brightly colored water structures, arguing the water is freezing. From your lawn chair in the shade, you remind him that the water was the whole point of bringing him there, to which he further scowled in protest. At some point, both you and Satoru ended up with soaked clothes after running around the playground to escape the unbearable heat, with Megumi finally playing too after your boyfriend slipped and fell. When you asked Satoru why he didn’t use Infinity to avoid getting wet, he shrugged and explained that it was more fun feeling shivery and cold with you. One of your favorite memories of the day came after losing to him in a slide race where he definitely cheated, when you had to stand under a bucket that tipped over once filled with water. But, a second before the bucket could tip, Megumi yanked Satoru’s arm toward you and all three of you ended up getting drenched. “Did we actually end up getting him ginger chicken? I thought we warped back to the school.”
“Mhmm, we did. I was the one who drove across the city to get it in your beat-up sedan.” The corner of his mouth quirks in lighthearted indignance.
Your jaw drops in realization and you can’t help giggling as the memories click into place. After deciding warping was a better alternative than getting your car wet, Satoru went to get your car and drove it back to Jujutsu Tech after all three of you dried off. You put on some random movie for Megs to watch in Satoru’s room and called to ask about dinner, only for him to say he already had it and was pulling into the parking lot. You three ate dinner cross legged on Satoru’s bed and ended up falling asleep there too. “Hey, that beat-up sedan got us lots of places before we started warping everywhere.” 
“Yeah, and it could probably handle every circle of Hell if you needed it to. It would need a new left blinker, though.” 
You lightly poke him in the side and he yelps. “Because you backed it into a telephone pole!” 
“That’s your fault for letting me drive in the first place, sweetheart.”
“You are a menace to society, Gojo Satoru.”
“This menace to society got your mind off that shitty nightmare.” Oh. That’s what he was doing. “Your silence tells me I’m correct.” Your continued stunned silence must be interpreted as contradiction and he’s quick to backtrack on his declaration. “Or at least in the ballpark–” 
“Shh, yes. Yes, you are correct.” You place a finger on his lips to stop his words and close your eyes against his chest, clinging to the happy memories with Satoru and Megumi to force out the intruding scenes from your nightmare. “You really amaze me, do you know that?”
“Sounds like you have a crush on me.” 
“Worship the ground I walk on, Satoru,” you state flatly but can’t help smiling through the end of it. His soft laugh vibrates against your face as you finally start to drift into sleep again, this time confident you could keep the nightmares at bay.  
“I already do.”
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twig-tea · 4 months ago
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Spoiler-free Pitch for Oppan (Ossan no pantsu ga nandatte ii janai ka)
Thanks to @isaksbestpillow generously creating subtitles for this show we have access to arguably the best family drama of the year, and what has become one of my favourite series of all time.
The premise is essentially: Makoto, a 'traditional' family man in his 50s who feels alienated from his wife and two kids, decides to learn to 'update' his beliefs with the help of a young gay man who befriends him.
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There are so many pitfalls and ways this premise could go wrong, and the show falls into none of them. Daichi, the gay character that befriends Makoto, has a boyfriend, and they both have their own arcs. The friendship is two-way, and they both benefit from the relationship. Makoto's wife, son, and daughter all also have arcs, and we get to understand and love all of these characters. Nobody is in this show exclusively as a foil for Makoto; everyone gets to be their own person. The show is careful to not only show multiple experiences of gay characters, but also to chastise people in the show for making assumptions, as those can be hurtful, even when well-intentioned. And yes, while it isn't the focus of the show, we do get to see some of Daichi and Madoka's romance.
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This show is so well-written, each episode is satisfying and builds on the previous one. The journey to improvement is not a straight line but a spiral, and Oppan depicts that so well. The mistakes Makoto makes are believable and realistic. And the way Makoto's relationships improve in every aspect of his life as he works on himself is gradual, realistically depicted, and so, so satisfying to watch. Trust is earned, and we see him slowly earn trust over time as he changes his behaviour. We also see the damage his past behaviour has wrought, and see him reconcile himself to that.
One of the best things this show does is viscerally illustrate how harmful upholding societal stigma and judgment is to those you love, and to yourself. Makoto's toxic masculinity, homophobia, amatonormativity, and judgment of anything he deems as "silly" or "abmnormal" hold his family back from connecting with him, and hold himself back from experiencing joy. Themes include (but are not limited to) sexuality, gender presentation, idol fandom, BL fandom, makeup, fashion, and workplace culture. And it isn't just familial relationships this show cares about; it touches on friendships, romantic, sibling, parental, and coworker relationships.
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The lesson at the core of Makoto's journey is that genuine connection with others is how we heal and find joy, and that we can only have that genuine connection if we're able to make space for others to be themselves in our presence through kindness. And it's that core that makes this show so powerful, and made me cry (with happiness, catharsis, and relief) so many times. I genuinely feel like it healed something in me to watch this show.
Even putting all of that aside, this show is funny, and genuinely satisfying as a story arc. There's Carlos, the family dog who always seems to know what's going on and nudges Makoto when he needs it. Makoto's actor, Harada Taizo, makes some incredible faces. There are hilarious cut-aways mid-scene, usually when someone is getting too intense with their fansquee. The family dynamic, especially the sibling behaviour between Moe and Kakeru, is so hilariously familiar. It's not a chore to watch this show; it manages to be kind and healing and also fun.
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Anyway. If that's not enough of a pitch for you, I've written about all of the 11 episodes individually, including outlining where and how each made me cry: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 . And I'm not the only one; if you want more company while watching, @bengiyo, @lurkingshan @mikuni14 and @mynamisnotthepoint wrote a bunch about this show too mostly broken out by episode.
And to relive the magic, @avorbl, @theside-b and @my-rose-tinted-glasses created some gorgeous gifs!
Siiri has instructions on her blog, but if you need help watching this show, feel free to DM me or send an ask.
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serendipitouslife90 · 3 months ago
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A/N: It has been 12 years since I have written anything. I keep dreaming of writing again one day. I barely have time for myself, so it never happens. Today I really wanted to break the ice. Just wrote a little drabble that has been on my mind and writing it in midnight middle of my sleep.
P.S. Don't have time to do any form of proofreading. Just typing in my phone.
Warnings: None.
What took you so long?
48 hours ago, if anyone had told Bucky that this would be his future, he would have awkwardly laughed it off. His life always seems to take the most dramatic and surreal turns.
.
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(2 days earlier)
When Bucky had first talked to you, he was instantly smitten. When he had become friends with you, his crush only became worse. He started imagining and fantasizing the perfect life with you.
The relationship, however, is a far cry from his fantasies. He, filled with shame and regret, wanted to breakup but no one could fool you. You saw right through him. You figured out, quite quickly into the relationship that even the slightest of touches causes his anxiety to spike up. Bucky didn't want to burden you with his problems.
That's the day you assured him, in kind words that he needn't feel pressurized to meet any for of societal timelines in a relationship. You started meeting up with a therapist to get the right resources to be his pillar of support. You were working diligently, with his consent, on his issues. He was grateful. He fell in love with you so deeply that it scared him.
Recently, a tiny thought started reverberating in his brain.
"What if, one day, you realize that he truly doesn't deserve this? He is not worth it. It has been more than a year. What has he offered you? He could barely kiss you on the cheek."
The mere thought of separation just created a visceral reaction in him: his palm sweating, his stomach twisting and he just wanted to puke.
"What's the matter Bucky? I can feel your eyes on me," you said, eyes still on your phone, with a smile on your face. That beautiful smile and the voice laced with love is enough for Bucky to stop that mini meltdown in his head.
"It's just ... " Bucky sighed, his broad shoulders slumping forward.
You kept your phone down and looked at his dejected posture. You went near him and held out your hands. He grabbed it almost immediately and you patiently waited, giving him time to articulate his thoughts.
"It's just... It has been more than a year now and I still get clammed up to even kiss ya." He mumbled grumpily but you know the sweat in his palms indicated that this has been eating him for sometime now.
"Bucky... Why are you so hard on yourself?" You said, rubbing your thumb across his palm. "You have progressed so much. Give yourself some credit." A playful smirk appeared on your face when you continued, "Besides, I don't care if you don't even give a kiss at the altar. You are stuck with me."
Bucky's brain just short-circuited. His jaw slacked a bit.
"What?-" You asked, clearly oblivious to what you just said
" You... would marry me?" Bucky interrupted with shiny eyes, his face filled with awe.
"Is that a proposal, James? You winked.
His face blushed a rosy pink. Pure joy danced in his eyes as you lovingly replied,
"Because if it is, I am saying yes, in a heart beat. Let's go to the courthouse right now."
A sheepish smile appeared in his face.
He couldn't stop thinking about you being his wife. He had this goofy grin the whole day, making every other Avenger curious.
......
........
(Present)
Your lighthearted words really did a number on your boyfriend, or must you say fiancé now.
This morning Bucky came to you with absolute conviction and said, "Are you sure you wanna marry me? I am going to hold you to your promise. I am taking you to the courthouse today."
"What took you so long?" You winked.
A/N: Holy shit! It is 5AM already. Gotta catch up on some sleep. Will be posting on AO3 later today. A little conversation with a fellow writer on AO3, LitaKino inspired me to write again.
P.S. And yeah, I am a bit outdated. "What took you so long?" is from the pilot of Dharma and Greg.
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zedecksiew · 6 months ago
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TO PUT AWAY A SWORD
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David Blandy + Daniel Locke's post-apocalyptic hopepunk TTRPG ECO MOFOS is back from the printers. Meaning it will soon be in our hands.
Am fairly hyped for it, because I wrote an adventure!
To Put Away A Sword is about the woes of building a home on poisoned earth. The terrible powers that hurtled us to the end of the world continue to bear bitter fruit in your garden.
You are villagers living under the shadow of a fallen giant mecha. Its reactors and warheads leak into your groundwater, poison your goats. What will you do about it? What can you do?
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Mechanically it is a pointcrawl around your local valley. Not super complex, design-wise; but I was pleased with my gimmick solution for mapping both the adventure's dungeons:
Grab a mecha figure, pose it, place it on the game table; each part of the figure corresponds to a location in the dungeon key. Solves for stuff like relative orientation.
Easy!
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To Put Away A Sword is me making a mecha adventure.
Disclaimer: I am not a mecha nerd. I am unfamiliar with most of the genre. Anything I know about Gundam I've absorbed by osmosis.
I was mainly into giant robots in childhood. Receiving a Macross figure for my birthday. Pouring over the manual for The Crescent Hawks' Revenge, which my brother left behind:
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While I was not much a fan of mecha, I was very much a fan of Evangelion. I spent my middle teens obsessed with it. The biomechanical, pseudo-mystical stuff; the teen angst. I wanted to be Shinji. I thought trauma was so cool.
So cringe. Anyway:
One of the inspirations for To Put Away A Sword is the survivors-rebuilding-a-town-and-planting-rice sequence in Thrice Upon A Time; probably my favourite part of the whole franchise, now.
The joy and difficulties of trying to build your paradise in the weird ruins of the old world:
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Yeah, the adventure has a lot of Evangelion in it. There's a Nerv HQ analogue to explore. There's a content warning for child soldiers.
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The other inspiration for To Put Away A Sword is this piece of box art, an accessory set for Macross's iconic Stonewell Bellcom VF-1 Variable Fighter:
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I don't know what this kind of arrange-your-missiles-in-front-of-your-fighter-jet photo is technically called. Hardware porn parade?
You see it often enough. Here's a real-life photo of the Lockheed Martin F35 Joint Strike Fighter:
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Fairly or not, in my head I associate mecha with seeing copies of Jane's Defence in airport magazine racks. The genre feels like such a natural way to riff on the hyper-charged corpo-military-industrial complex.
After the brush war ends, and the natural resources extracted, and the ethnic cleansing concluded, and the profits announced, who gets to clean up after a Raytheon missile?
In To Put Away A Sword---you do.
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Ultimately, as always, I am writing and designing from my lived experiences.
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See that? The gas flare from the Hengyuan Refining Company? It is about 200 metres from my living room.
That gas flare surfaces constantly in the stuff I make. As I write this post I am breathing its acrid chemical smell. My nose itches. I was asthmatic as a child; I seriously worry about cancer, nowadays.
At night it lights up the sky like Barad-dur.
The plant obviously and continuously flaunts regulations. We've tried lodging complaints: with its corporate management; with the Department of Environment. Nothing has worked so far.
"A home on poisoned earth" is a visceral fact of my life.
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To Put Away A Sword is wish-fulfilment, I guess? In the world of the adventure, at least, the forces that are poisoning your home are post-peak oil.
It is nice to imagine a reality where a kind of survival and flourishing is still possible. My partner Sharon and I talk a lot about imagining hope.
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Last month she bought this small mecha-looking thing. A wireless camera! She built a little hut for it on our garden wall. It is trained, 24-7, at the gas flare.
Environmental activists we've met say video evidence of emissions is important. We'll see. We imagine it helping.
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Anyway. David just sent me this photo of my adventure, in print:
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Looking good. I hope folks play it and enjoy it.
Preorder ECO MOFOS and its adventure bundle >>>HERE<<<
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cxanthos · 1 year ago
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Lucy haunts Snow obviously yes and there seems to be a consensus that Katniss reminds him of her and too a point also yes- but I would have to say it's Peeta that truly reminds him of her.
Katniss reminds him more of Sejanus imo but that's another conversation-
Peeta and Lucy are both charismatic and showmanistic. They can sway the crowd, make people feel what they want them to feel. Pity for them or joy or anger on their behalf. Point is they make people want to support them, to root for them.
But it's more than that- at their soul they are just good people. I don't have to explain how and why Peeta is good but I want to draw your attention to this detail about Lucy:
Snow was chasing after her with a gun in those woods and she manage to distract him by luring him to where he would be bitten by a non-venomous snake. Lucy knew her snakes, if she wanted to find one that was venomous and would kill him- she would have. But she didn't want him dead, she only wanted to slow him down. Even as Snow chased after her holding a gun. Even after she realized what he did to Sejanus. Lucy really did love him.
Lucy and Peeta both had a goodness that shined through the essence in their character and I know that infuriated Snow when he saw Peeta doing the same things with it that Lucy did.
Don't get me wrong, Snow's main attention was Katniss. She was his enemy; she was the one who viscerally hated the capitol and threatened the system -like Sejanus- but I can't help but think that Snow took pleasure in Peeta's torture and his corruption because he reminded Snow so much of Lucy.
Snow tried to destroy the good in Peeta, break it into nothing. Something he never got to do to Lucy.
Yet he failed. Peeta's inherent goodness still remained at his core and it didn't matter how much hijacking or torture he went through. That wasn't going be to taken away from him.
"There's a natural goodness built into us all. We can step across that line into evil, or not." - Lucy Gray Baird.
Katniss wasn't Lucy's revenge, it was Peeta.
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