#.It speaks

[crystalkleure]

I'm gonna be real for a minute, I should probably spit out the reason I've had such a hard time posting or interacting here for awhile.

I have DID. I made this blog before I knew I had DID, most of the people following me clicked that button before anyone knew I had DID, and the general public doesn't really know what DID is, much less that it's not anything like the "multiple personality disorder" in the movies.

My system has a huge number of introjects in it. I, me, the alter writing this right now, am an introject. This is actually pretty normal, especially for someone like me, because the nature of my abuse has meant that I have spent most of my life extremely isolated [very against my will], with far more exposure to media like TV shows and games than to real people. You know how the people in your dreams have the faces of real people you've seen at some point, because your brain isn't good at coming up with brand new faces on its own? It's a little like that. For the DID brain to incorporate a trait into an alter, it has to be aware that that trait can even exist, which means it has witnessed it somewhere before, and the deeper human subconscious is not super great at just instinctually telling the difference between a real person and a fabricated depiction of a person, so the DID can snatch traits it has witnessed in both real people and fake people all the same.

Sometimes the DID sees a lot of traits it registers as desirable, useful to survival somehow, etc., all in just one source, be it a real person or a depiction of a person. [Or it sees just ONE trait that it latches onto really hard, and splits an alter just to embody that specific trait it perceives as so important.] And so the system can end up splitting an alter that is nearly identical to the way they have perceived that singular source, meaning that alter can resemble that source person or character extremely closely. This is all done subconsciously and involuntarily, the system has zero control over it, alters have zero control over what they are made out of. An introject does not get to choose their source.

...And on a website full of fandom shit, if you post art you have drawn of yourself, an introject alter, people are going to think that art is depicting your source person/character. And if you say "Actually that's just me," they think you are a roleplayer. Because people don't know what DID is. Even if you say "I have DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder" they can just assume that's some kind of roleplayer lingo, or something irrelevant to the Obvious Roleplay that is happening, or some kind of condition the roleplayer is just choosing to write their played character to have, and won't bother to look it up.

And this causes some extremely unpleasant problems!

People squee-ing over you and talking about wanting to kiss or touch you or ship you with some character [or themself]

People trying to roleplay with you. Usually flirtatiously.

Oh this is a fun one. People thinking you are a roleplayer, and if your source is a character who is under 18 but YOU are an adult [I'm fucking 25 years old, for example, and I will act like it], they will call you a pedophile for "aging up" the character just to roleplay adult things with them. Even if you aren't doing anything sexual, the mere fact that you are being perceived as "aging up" a character will get you side-eyed, because people still think you're being dirty with the character and they figure they just haven't caught you at it.

This one just sucks and is nobody's fault. People who are fans of an introject's source may feel uncomfortable when interacting with that introject, because they worry all the fan shit on their blog will be taken personally by the alter and gross them out. Which, while that's not ever an issue with my system tmk, can kind of happen sometimes with some systems' introjects; even if an introject alter logically knows they aren't their source, they might have difficulties viscerally believing that on a deeper level, and either way it can still cause discomfort when you bump into depictions of someone who looks just like you doing things you would never want to do.

People understanding that you aren't roleplaying yet they still get way too excited and obsessive over you anyway, because they view you as "omg my favourite character...but REAL!!!1!" [Which is both incorrect, and VERY uncomfortable for the introject alter. I am not my source, I have never been my source, I am an entirely different person who happens to resemble my source. Don't try to get close to me based purely on the belief that I am somebody I am not, actually get to know me before you decide whether or not you like me.]

People screenshotting you and putting you on r/fakedisordercringe for everyone to mock and harass, because they don't understand how dissociative disorders actually work and think legitimate shit about them is too weird to possibly be real

People fakeclaiming you in general because "there's no way that's real, real things are not this bizarre" and/or "Yeaahhhh I think you're just schizophrenic/borderline/etc., nevermind that I am not a qualified medical professional, and if I AM, nevermind that you aren't my patient and I don't know enough about you based on your social media presence to actually be able to accurately diagnose you with anything, much less dismiss a diagnosis as insanely complex and covert as DID"

People generally treating you like a weird bug on the sidewalk that a group of middle school kids are taking turns poking with a stick. I don't mind answering respectful questions about dissociative disorders, but shit like "wtf why would you do that, I think that's weird and I am assuming it's intentional and it makes me uncomfy" and "Have you ever tried just Not being crazy?" are not respectful questions.

TL;DR introject alters in fandom spaces get sexually harassed, called pedophiles, and told they're doing something wrong and being inconsiderate for existing [which, again, existing the way they do was not their choice] because "you're weird and that makes me uncomfy :( Can't you just Not?? SURELY you can just Not. Be normal."

Shit sucks. I'm sick of my system getting weird and mean messages every time any of us are open about existing.

[apollos-boyfriend]

shoutout to C418 (one of minecraft’s composers) for just fucking snapping recently on twitter

[livingthedragonlife]

laios is perhaps the only character not to get the "they mentioned their favorite food once and the fandom makes it their whole personality" treatment. his favorite food is cheesecake and absolutely nobody cares

[waspcup]

hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

[inthereellife]

YALL! Our favorite Tumblr runner DID IT! He won gold!

If yall need a reminder Noah Lyles is this wonderful nerd

Noah Lyles won GOLD!

Noah Lyles is the Fastest Man!!!

[secretlystephaniebrown]

When I was a kid I thought there were so many more swear words than there are. But in actuality we get like. ten before it just turns into slurs. Deep down, I’m still disappointed.

[solidwater05]

Pros of hyperfixiation:

Happy!

Art ideas

Life is good

Cons of hyperfixiation:

I am going to blow up

All my art is of the same guy

If I don't think about this 24/7 I get violent

[foxpunk]

do you all see my vision here

[stylographic-blue-rhapsody]

“who is linkin park?” - one shot KO by my younger coworker

[scummrevisited]

"two bodyguards drag me away" has been my fav way to finish insane sentences, its up there with "who said that", "can anyone hear me", "is this thing on" and "its so dark in here"

[smallmeanie]

it’s like nobody wants to dry hump and make out on the couch in the living room anymore

[crystalkleure]

If someone tells you you're "too rough/mean/harsh" for enforcing your boundaries, it's because they feel entitled to breaking those boundaries and feel like you've wronged them by not letting them. They want you to "be nicer" so they can walk on you easier.

"You're too rough, you need to be softer so it's easier for me to push you around."

[apollos-boyfriend]

i’m gonna cry it’s raining right now and i just passed by a family where both parents were without an umbrella but their kid who couldn’t have been older than like 3-4 was proudly holding this GIANT umbrella whose diameter was as tall (if not taller) as the kid. both the parents were getting absolutely drenched but u could tell the kid was just so happy to have an “adult” task and carry the umbrella themselves and i think that sacrifice is what love is all about

[storybookprincess]

probably my most powerful interpersonal communication hack is to, whenever possible, ask either/or questions rather than yes/no questions

for example, when chatting with coworkers, i’ll often ask if they have any fun weekend plans. but let’s be real - we all feel like friendless losers when someone asks that question and we go “uhhhhh… no.” so instead, i phrase it as ��so, do you have anything fun planned over the weekend, or are you just going to enjoy having some time to relax?”

phrased like this, there’s rarely any awkwardness. you’ve presented two options & given both equally positive connotations, so your conversational partner has an automatic “out,” so to speak

but it works for higher stakes conversations too!!!! my mom was saying this weekend how she and her neighbor both like walking around the neighborhood & that she wanted to suggest they take a walk together sometime, but was worried about how to approach the conversation

so i said “how about you just say ‘i’ve noticed we both like taking walks! would you be interested in going for one together, or do you use walks for some precious alone time?’”

now Walking Neighbor has an automatic “get out of jail free card” if she wants to say no!!!! which means my mom doesn’t have to worry about the conversation being uncomfortable, because she’s set it up to go smoothly

either/or questions rather than yes/no questions. it is really like magic

[mintbees]

if i was a popular minecraft youtuber id just tweet "hey guys stop drawing shipping fanart of me and my friends/coworkers, i only fucked one of them and seeing me paired with anyone else is kinda weird and crosses my boundaries" and then i'd turn my phone off