#...which is going to be ten years now?? What the HECK | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

luveline · 5 months ago

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kbd —You gather the family consensus on a fifth baby. mom!reader x dad!Steve, 2k

The first baby you and Steve have is a ringer for him. She’s his copy down to the eyelashes, and she has his good heart. She’s a good sister, a beautiful daughter, and she’s a brilliant student.

But growing up makes you curious.

“Mom, why are you in the bathroom again?”

You laugh nervously. “What?” you ask, gaze on your hands.

“You’ve been in here like ten times today! Are you okay?”

She sound so, so cute when she’s suspicious. Her voice twists up and her concern feels too big. She knows it’s not normal to go to the bathroom this many times and she’s clearly not okay with this new development.

She knocks the door hard. “Do you need me to get dad?”

You open the door and pull her in quickly. She giggles, startled to be grabbed and put on the counter, her hair falling into her eyes the same wavy pattern as her dads. He’s got strong genes. Steve stamps the kids as Harrington’s, all except your Beth, who looks just like you.

“Mom, what the heck is going on?”

“I’m gonna ask you a huge question and you have to tell me your first answer. Don’t worry about anything else. Be honest, okay?”

“Okay. You’re making me nervous.”

You show her your pregnancy test. “You know what this means?”

She wrinkles her nose. “Did you pee on that?”

“I did. Babe, do you know what that means, though?”

“You’re having another baby?” Avery guesses. You go quiet. She beams at you. “Wait! Wait, mom, are you having another baby?”

“I don’t know yet.” One positive test and six negatives makes you think it was a mistake, but you’ve been pregnant four times before. You’re starting to feel like an expert. “If I did have another baby, what would you think?”

She tips her head back. You put the test aside and take her smaller hands into yours. She’s so pretty, all your babies are beautiful, and they’re all so special, and maybe you do want another one. Is that crazy?

You nibble your lip as Avery thinks.

“Well, we need a bigger house.”

You nod agreeably. “We do.”

“I love being a big sister.”

“You’re the best one there ever was.”

Avery holds your hands back, still smiling. “Well, mommy, I think it’s good. Then I will have four sisters. That’s even more than Stacey K.”

You look her dead in the eye, but it’s all love pouring between you both. “So if mommy wants to have another baby, that’s okay? You’d be happy?”

Avery puckers for a kiss, which you give. You wrap your arms around her and push her head into your neck. “Have another baby if you want, mommy,” she says, laughing, “I love babies. Um, most of the time. More now you got us the sound machine.”

“Avery… don’t tell anybody, okay? Can we keep this our secret? I don’t know if I’m gonna have another one yet. I need to make sure everyone’s happy first.”

Avery pats your back. It’s adorable. “Sure, mommy.”

You ask Beth, next. Stealing her away from her colouring sometime later that day, you pull your second eldest against your chest outside in the back yard and watch the clouds move in the sky as it changes from blue to carnation pink. “Bubby?”

“Yeah?” Beth asks.

“Can I ask you a secret question?”

“Yes.” She looks away from the sky. “Why?”

“Because I care about what you think, okay?”

“I know.”

You ask Beth if another baby would be too many. She says no. She says she needs a brother, maybe twins if you can manage it, but it’s fine if you can’t. You kiss her cheek and spend another ten minutes with her staring up at the changing colours.

The first test being positive rocked your world. You were happy, but shocked to find yourself grinning at the two pink lines, because you thought four was enough. There’s a few years between each of your girls and you’d never expect to be pregnant again so soon after the last —you and Steve had one good night a fortnight ago. Wren’s not even a year old.

Why do you want another baby so badly?

You kiss Beth again. You love your kids, and you finally, finally got that promotion at work, and you’d been thinking about moving anyway, because two of the girls are sharing a room. You didn’t bring it up in fear of upsetting your sentimental husband before it was necessary. All your babies grew up here. This is where you and Steve started your life, and it’s never perfect but it’s amazing, and he’ll not want to leave it.

He would be much happier if you left to make room for another baby, though.

If you ask Dove what she thinks, she’ll probably say yes and grumble, and then spill the secret, so you don’t ask, but you watch her carefully for a while when Steve demands you and Beth come back inside.

You let Beth run off and sit down.

“You’ll catch a bug,” he says, leaning over your seat at the kitchen table to kiss your cheek. “You’re already freezing.”

“We were watching the sun go down.”

“Watch from the window.” He squints at you, his arms wrapping around your front. “Something wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay, liar.” He taps your chin until you lift it and kisses you soundly. “It’s a good thing you’re this beautiful. You wouldn’t get away with your shit if you weren’t.”

“My shit.”

He grins into another kiss. “Sorry,” he says, kissing you softly. “I’m kidding, I love you, don’t frown at me.”

You entrap him for a skewiff hug. He couldn’t be more eager, nosing at your cheek, the baby and Dove giggling at something where they sit at the table eating skinny banana slices.

“They’re like us,” Steve says, following your gaze, “best friends.”

You push him away from you gently. “Shush. Don’t you have stuff to do?”

“I bet you think so. But no, I don’t, I’ve done everything.”

Four kids is a lot, and somehow you and Steve have gotten really, really good at being their parents. You have four healthy, happy girls, with all the food they could ever eat and more princess dresses than they could ever wear. Now it’s six thirty on a Saturday and all that’s left to do is watch some TV.

Maybe you’re an idiot to mess this up.

“I need to pee really badly, so watch the baby.”

“Jerk,” you say. You do not need to be told to watch your own baby.

He snickers as he leaves.

It was the high of the test. That first positive test was just a shock, is all. Your life is perfect now, nothing needs to change, because Steve loves you more and more everyday, and you adore him —you’d do anything for him and your girls. You and Steve would treasure another baby, but some things aren’t meant to be.

But– but you could have another one. So you’re not pregnant right now, so what? Steve would have another baby with you if you asked. He’d probably spin you around in circles and call you the best, sweetest woman alive. You could spend the next nine months on the couch and he’d still think that way.

“Baby?” Steve calls.

“What, dad?” Bethie asks.

“Not you, baby. Mommy, can you come here?”

Your system gets another shock. Shit, the bathroom.

You grab Wren to her horror and Dove’s jealousy and chug her along to the bathroom. You could’ve left her in her high chair, but soft bananas are a scary task for an unsupervised baby who eats mash for every meal.

Steve’s waiting in the doorway. It’s a small bathroom, and you can see as quickly as he can the mess of pregnancy strip tests you left on top of the bathroom trash can. There’s two in his hand.

“Steve, I was gonna tell you about it,” you say, frowning.

He frowns back. “Yeah?” he asks.

“Really. I mean, obviously I would have,” —you tell each other everything— “but I was trying to work out how I feel, and the girls too. Avery always wants more sisters and Beth said she wants a brother and–” You smile. “I know I said we were done having babies for a while, if ever again, I know that was me, but when I thought I was pregnant again I got this rush of happiness going through me like a wave.” You shift Wren and her frowning higher up your chest. She’s appeased by a quick kiss pressed to the top of her head. “I don’t know why but I think I really want another baby.”

He leans against the doorway, his arms crossing, with a strange expression playing on his mouth.

“You can probably tell. I took like, twenty tests,” you exaggerate, embarrassed by your impromptu speech. “I kept hoping they’d come up positive. I got one positive first and the rest were negative, so I guess it was just a fluke.”

“Ohhh,” he says, smiling around it. “Oh, that makes more sense.”

“What makes sense?”

“I think they just needed a little more time to cook, honey. They’re all positive.” He isn’t good at hiding how happy he feels. “You really want another one?”

He’s achingly hopeful.

You close the gap between you to lean on him and check the tests. “It must be super early,” Steve murmurs.

“Well, it was only two and a half weeks ago,” you murmur back, seeing the double pink lines for yourself. Both tests are positive. “The ones in there, they’re…”

“They’re all positive. When was the last time you had your eyes tested?”

“It was dark in there,” you joke, not sure what to say, even as a crest of pure joy begins to rise through your entire body. Your hands hum.

“You want another baby?” he asks, pulling you tightly against him. “Then let’s have another baby. Let’s do it. You can have everything you want.”

You stare at him.

He nods. “We can do it. Let’s have another baby.”

Heat in your eyes, the barest line of tears in your waterline as you give him a one-armed hug. “You want to?” you ask.

He breathes out by your ear. “That’s a dumb question. And it’s pretty good luck, right? I mean, we weren’t trying, I didn’t even know you wanted another one, so for it to catch…” He does that groaning pleased thing where he buries his nose against the side of your face.

“I didn’t know until the test was in my hand.”

He laughs happily into your skin before he pulls away. He kisses you, he kisses Wren, and he flicks your tummy gently. “Holy shit, that’s a lot of Harringtons.”

You get another loving kiss for all your efforts. “Steve?” you ask, eyes still closed, his face hovering just an inch away from your own.

“What, honey?” He says it like light of my life, angel, sweetheart, all the devotion you're used to.

“We’re probably gonna have to move.”

“Are you kidding? I already figured it all out. We’re gonna convert the attic.”

You laugh as he dots a kiss against your cheek. “We are?”

“I got a quote a couple of months ago, I figured if Beth and Avery got too picky we could give Avery a new room upstairs. But it’ll still work, don’t you think?”

You finally descend into giggly happy tears and Steve pretends he’s immune, but you hear him sniffing as you stroke Wren's chubby cheek with your finger. “What do you think, sweetheart?” you ask softly. “Do you want a baby sister? How about a brother? What are you thinking?”

She gurgles her own laugh. “Da,” she says, pointing at Steve like he’s funny.

“Do I get to decide?” Steve asks her, gasping happily.

Steve has a lot more to say about it all later that night when the kids are sleeping, baby Wren on his chest, just for an hour before you both sleep too.

He starts with asking if you’re sure, which you are for now, then the scary stuff, because you got really exhausted last time and it’s not going to be easier. He talks so much and you just lay there, in awe, because he means what he told you. You can have everything you want. Steve’s gonna make sure of it.

“I’ll get you some prenatals in the morning, okay?” he promises, stroking hearts into Wren’s sleeping back.

You shift over the pillow to kiss his cheek. “Thanks, H. I love you.”

“I love you so much I don’t think you get it,” he says, tipping his head your way.

But you do. It’s why five kids feels like a gift, and not a curse. You get how much he loves you.

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drak3n · 11 months ago

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THE LOST LOVE

ꨄ. SYNOPSIS: two lovers who went seperate ways years ago… one of the cases we love most!

ꨄ. CONTENT WARNINGS: exes to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, age gap (reader was in college & toji in his thirties when they met), dad!toji, breakup, implied divorce, insecurities, smut, unprotected sex

bold italic quotes = letter excerpts

PROLOGUE. | SERIES MASTERLIST.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

“i like to think that meeting each other was like a breath of fresh air. for both of us. wouldn’t you agree?”

wake up. go to work. get home. eat. sleep. repeat.

toji’s life was a vicious cycle, one of a middle age man with no goals in life. it was funny to him how people would actually call that a life.

the only times he truly felt like he was alive was when he was seated on the bleachers watching a good old horse race. or a boat race. or whatever it was that he had bet money on.

no one understood him.

toji knew that life rarely gifted him anything. he was no lucky man. in the many years of betting and gambling, he seldomly won. and the money he had won those few times was enough to cover the ticket and perhaps a nice dinner.

and although knowing he was probably going to leave empty-handed, he did it for the thrill. it made him feel youthful again. like he hadn’t wasted his years on useless things that aged him faster than he had hoped to. like he was still the same old teenager he had been years ago.

it wasn’t until one fated day that he found out that there were other things that could bring him back to his youth, other than doing useless crap that only burned a hole in his pocket.

said thing being you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

“the way we met wasn’t really romantic. it wasn’t like a scene out of a movie or a novel. looking back, it was quite comedic, even. i’m sure you felt the same way.”

there were a lot of terrible things that came with being a busy person, one of which you were facing right now. standing in front of a ridiculously long line at the grocery store.

you ran out of basic ingredients for cooking, it was a saturday evening, and you really did not want to order takeout again for a third time this week.

standing in front of you was a group of drunken kids — by kids you meant they were around your age, maybe in college like you — but they were different. they seemed carefree. they used their time to have fun and laugh instead of constantly grumping and punishing you with more work than you had.

you wished you could be like them, too. at least sometimes.

what made you get out of your train of thoughts was the sound of an item being placed on the conveyor belt, the rattling sounding too familiar for your liking. another person who hated cooking, so it seemed. and another person who barely had enough change to get a cup of instant noodles.

it was a man — you heard from the occasional sighs and grunts leaving his lips, and the way his cologne wafted over to invade your senses.

why did you suddenly have the urge to turn around and bond with this random stranger? perhaps hit him up with something like ‘heck, youngsters these days, right?’

absolutely not. that would be goofy as hell. and judging by how slowly the like progressed, you were likely going to stand here for at least ten more minutes. you would rather die than make a fool of yourself and then proceed to stand here for even longer afterwards.

oddly enough, the huffing stranger beat you to it. your breath hitched in your throat at the gruff voice sounding.

“s’cuse me, little lady.”

a bulky arm shot forward from behind you, making you step aside to grant him access to the side of the conveyor. you cleared your throat, turning around with an apologetic smile— and damn was he hot.

he looked quite a bit older than you, and he looked quite… distraught. sleepless, deep green eyes, unruly jet black hair that looked like he hadn’t gotten cut in a while, and a stubble gracing his jaw and chin.

you hated romanticizing people who weren’t feeling their best. so, you quickly snapped out of it.

“sorry for hogging the conveyor.” you chuckled, trying to lighten up the tense atmosphere as everyone else in the line was quite angry. the man gave you a halfhearted smile, scar on the right side of his mouth stretching. you wondered how he’d gotten that scar.

“don’t worry ‘bout it,” he waved your apology off, slightly motioning at the impatient woman huffing and puffing behind him. “someone’s just very fuckin’ annoying.”

you couldn’t help but chuckle at his words. then, your eyes wandered to the conveyor, staring up to meet his again. “you can get in front of me, sir.” you offered kindly, already moving to make some space in front of you, “don’t have to wait even longer for a single item.”

the surprise in his eyes was a dead giveaway that no one had been polite or nice to him in a long time. before he could make it obvious, he shook his head, uttering, “s’fine. thanks.”

but you insisted, for some reason. it wasn’t until he was standing in front of you, cup of ramen placed in front of your groceries, and the seething woman now standing right behind you, that you were happily smiling.

the man walked off after paying for his noodles when the line finally progressed what felt like years later, not even sparing you a glance. you were barely able to contain your disappointment as you bagged your groceries and shuffled outside of the store, ready to take the train back home with full hands.

just to see the man from the line in the grocery store thumbing at the instant noodle cup’s lid, lit cigarette dangling from his lips.

his hands wordlessly approached yours to take your bags of groceries, not even frowning at the heaviness of them, as he let out a puff of cigarette smoke.

“i’ll drop ya off, little lady.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

“our love was fierce. characterized by sleepless nights, stolen breaths and undying passion.”

ragged breaths filled the air of your small bedroom. it was dark, perhaps around nighttime, and the air was thick with sweat, arousals and the sinful smell of sex.

a lazy kiss was exchanged between you two with swollen, trembling lips as you settled down in each other’s arms. your eyes were shut as toji moved a little to light a cigarette.

your fingertips traced over his bare, built chest, post-orgasmic glow making his handsome face look even prettier. you were convinced he was the prettiest man you’d ever seen in your life.

“are you staying for dinner?” you asked, voice hoarse and quiet from how he had formerly railed you into your mattress. toji wasn’t a gentle lover. the word soft was very foreign to him. but you didn’t mind that. you didn’t mind him squeezing your hand too tightly whenever he held it. he didn’t know any better.

he exhaled the cigarette smoke away from you, large palm settling on the tender, bruised flesh on your hips. his thick, rough fingers traced over the softness of your skin that he had grabbed and kneaded mere minutes ago while manhandling you.

“sorry, baby,” he mumbled into your hair as you already knew what was coming, “gotta go. i’ll stay over next time, promise.”

you wanted him to stay, you really did, but with a sigh, you watched as he got dressed and left — not without pulling you into another kiss. missing the way his eyes twisted with a hint of guilt as he shut the door to your apartment behind himself.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

“you weren’t a man of many words. you didn’t like talking too much about yourself. but you’d always listen to whatever i’d say. and whenever i wasn’t up to talk, we’d relish in each other’s silence. it was calming.”

“how many girlfriends have you had before me?”

the silence surrounding the air on your balcony after your question made you reconsider if it was a smart thing to ask.

it wasn’t. since when was it okay to talk about exes? you remembered it as one of the most off-putting conversation topics to ever come up with.

toji’s bare arms were propped up against the metal railing, gaze wandering from the unspectacular sight below him that consisted of old, run down buildings and sketchy streets, to you.

he knew it was too late to tell you the truth. he pressed his scarred lips together in regret, before opening his mouth to respond to your question.

“many.”

he saw the way your nose scrunched up at the ugly word — he wished it had been the truth. much better than hurting you with a fucking lie. made him wonder how you’d react to the truth.

“c’mere.” when you didn’t make a move to approach toji, he pulled you into him, dwarfing your body in his form. “you’re not mad, are you?”

“how could i ever be mad at you?”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

“there was just one thing i wish you had just told me from the beginning. you know, i actually knew the entire time. i was just waiting for you to tell me.”

“dad, the show’s about to start.”

toji was now a couple of years older, about to celebrate his fourth decade of living in a few weeks. he wouldn’t admit that he was getting older. he had just plucked another gray hair from his scalp this morning, but no one had to know that.

sock-clad feet padded from the kitchen to the living room, bowl of salted popcorn in his hand as he placed it in front of his college-aged kid. toji was in awe at how the brat was becoming more of a carbon copy of himself the more years passed.

the only difference being his spiky, wild hair and blue eyes he had gotten from his mother.

“we’re not watching a match today?” toji sounded rather bored as he leaned back on the couch with a can of soda in his hand, legs finding the surface of the living room table as the younger man munched on sweets.

megumi shook his head, eyes focused on the screen that was still playing some shampoo commercial. “have you ever heard of TATMYLB?” the green-eyed man beside him narrowed his eyes at the obnoxiously long abbreviation, .

“kid. i don’t understand your language,” he grunted, “i’m headin’ out if it’s another high school rom com.” said boy only snorted as he pointed at the tv that happened to be playing a trailer of what was going to be playing next.

“reading today… TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE’s 26th letter!” toji kissed his teeth. of course it was going to be some sappy ass show. why was it so popular anyway?

he raised from the couch, scratching his belly lazily under his sweater as he pointed to the door with his thumb. “gonna check the mail,” he uttered, “we haven’t emptied our mailbox in days.”

megumi hummed, too immersed in what today’s live episode was going to be about. just as toji approached the door, curiosity got the best of him, and he found himself listening.

“unfortunately, she won’t be joining us today, but we have received a beautifully written letter by her! what a lucky man to have been loved like this.” the host spoke gleefully as the audience erupted into cheers and applause.

“our writer is a 29 year old lady from tokyo, a journalist for a very popular newspaper, which explains her splendid writing,” the co-host added, “she has met a man she refers to as her LOST LOVE nine whole years ago.”

toji set his keys down on the shoerack and walked back to the living room. megumi took notice of his dad walking back and smirked. “caught your attention, old man?” he only scowled at his son and placed his hands on the back of the couch.

the stage was beautifully built, and one could tell how much budged was spent on it all. it was a hell lot of pink, too much for toji’s liking — then again, any amount of pink was too much for his liking. the hosts were dolled up to the max, host dressed in a baby pink, frilly dress with her hair done up while the co-host was dressed in a pink suit.

“adding on to that… we have not received an answer or a reaction from the recipient.” a glum round of oh’s echoed across the studio, which made toji snort. “which doesn’t have to mean anything, of course! perhaps he’s just terrible at checking his mail.”

megumi stopped mid-chew as he side-eyed his father, who shot him a look. “old man, you don’t think—” megumi might have been young, but he had a very good memory of his father’s past lovers. especially that one woman who had changed him forever. you.

although he had never met you, he could tell it was you who had a huge impact on his father. and he figured that toji never opened up about having had a son.

“don’t be silly, bud,” toji laughed, reaching over to steal a handful of popcorn from the bowl in his son’s lap. he didn’t even like popcorn, why the hell was he eating it? it had to be the most annoying snack in the world with how the shell of the kernels always got stuck in one’s gums or throat.

you must have moved on years ago. it’s been almost a decade, for fuck’s sake. perhaps you were married already. had kids. he hated how the thought made his jaw clench. it was none of his business anymore, after all.

“mistakes. we all make them. so far, we have had a lot of letters speaking about wrongdoings,” the host clapped her hands together, “but how about keeping secrets? crucial ones?”

of course they were going to drag it on. what a bunch of clowns the audience was for eating it up. he totally wasn’t, not with the way he was clutching the couch cushions in anticipation.

he just wanted to know it wasn’t you, so he could move on in peace. because if you have moved on, then he shall do the same.

the audience was then asked to talk about their experiences with secrets in a relationship, before they started guessing what the person might have done.

eventually, an elderly woman received the mic and laughed. “it wasn’t another woman, so,” she paused, “i’d say hiding a child.”

the two hosts opened their mouths before knowingly looking at the audience, and toji cleared his throat. by now, megumi was fully facing his father, a look of disbelief on his face. before he could speak, toji raised a palm.

“i said don’t be silly,” he warned megumi, “it’s not me. jesus.” megumi shook his head before raising his palm to invite his father to a handshake, challenging him to a bet, “fifty bucks if it’s you, then.”

toji could never say no to bets. maybe he should have checked his mailbox first, though.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

the show was halfway through, currently on a commercial break as you found yourself in the kitchen to prepare yourself a cup of instant noodles. the sight of the cup still brought you back to day you had met toji.

before you could open the lid of the cup, you were halted by the sound of your doorbell ringing. leaving behind the sounds of your kettle whistling, you approached tye door to look through the—

your hand immediately flew to the handle to fling the door open. to stare right at the man you hadn’t seen in over seven years.

there was a lot both of you wanted to say. he wanted to apologize for having disappeared out of nowhere, for having abandoned you when things had been going so well between both of you; while you wanted to slap him, cuss him out and scream at him.

alas, all that came out was a choked sob on your behalf. a sound forced out of your throat, displaying the despair you had felt out of the lack of closure.

toji watched with wide eyes as you broke down in front of him. he wanted to make you happy. or get yelled at. anything but you crying. fuck, he was terrible at this.

toji was only ever good at leaving. that’s what he had done back then when his family no longer served him; that’s what megumi’s mother had spat at him before she left.

screw the past. screw all of his fears. he had waited far too long to come clean. you didn’t deserve this at all.

“i’m sorry.” he breathed, taking a step closer, now partially surrounded by the warmth of your place that hadn’t changed in the slightest. “i hid him from you because—”

you shook your head, trembling hands raising to wipe at your reddened eyes, “i don’t give a damn, toji.” he shut his mouth, because respectfully, you had all the right to be angry.

what he didn’t expect was for you to chuckle through tears. “stop looking at me like that,” you pointed at his lips, “that stupid pout of yours…” he had a habit of pursing his lips whenever he was distressed. you hadn’t forgotten about it.

when you stepped aside to welcome toji inside, he was baffled. “‘course you didn’t read the letter,” you sneered, which made him look down grimly, “if you had, you’d know that i could never be mad at you.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

you didn’t ask toji to, but he told you everything. how he had just gotten divorced when he met you, and who had fought for split custody the entire time. who couldn’t have you over at his place because of the child’s room he had.

it wasn’t like he was ashamed to have had megumi. he considered him one of the very few good things in his life. but, he couldn’t risk scaring you off. not when he had found someone as perfect for him as you.

and when things got serious, he did what he knew best. which was to bolt.

it wasn’t a surprise to him that you already knew. he had the wrong idea of you by thinking you’d push him away just because he had a son. now he knew that you could have been the best stepmother megumi could have asked for.

if he hadn’t blown it all.

“so he’s in college now?” you were smiling as you were both situated on your couch. toji feld oddly calm looking at you. you hadn’t changed much.

“this was us at his high school graduation,” he couldn’t help but smile too as he showed you his phone wallpaper. the thought that you could have been on that picture too made your smile fade for a second before you found yourself melting at how proudly he glanced down at his son in his crinkled button-down shirt, one arm lazily slung over the boy who looked at the camera with an irritated, forced smile.

you wondered if megumi would have liked you and already accepted you as his stepmother if toji hadn’t left. wondered if you two would have been married by now—

thoughts like those were useless now.

it happened so fast. like the force of two magnets attracting each other, it felt like you were pulled towards each other. a mumbled ‘i missed you’ left your lips before they planted themselves on his, both of you getting lost in the sensation of the other’s lips.

toji’s lips tasted like salt and popcorn, whereas yours tasted of the peace of candy you had popped into your mouth while waiting for the water to boil.

ah… right. the water. the kettle had stopped whistling a while ago. but both of you were busy sucking each other’s faces to notice that.

you were sat prettily on toji’s lap, hands running across his muscles hidden by his clothes. the only sign of him having aged were the tiny wrinkles on the corners of his eyes. other than that, he still looked like the 31 year-old toji you had met in the line of the grocery store.

he was the same man you had given your heart to. and you were eager to do it all again.

your clothing was shedded in a matter of minutes, hastily and in a rush. it felt like you were being intimate with each other for the first time all over again with wide eyes and shaky hands.

toji pressed you into his chest as he slid inside of you, and it seemed like the world stopped for a while. toji didn’t do soft, he wasn’t gentle. but you could swear you saw nothing but softness and adoration in his eyes in this very moment.

once he started thrusting up into you, your hands straddled his face, fingers digging into his skin as if afraid to let go. toji saw and felt the fear in your eyes, and he took both of your hands to place soft kisses on them.

“‘m not leaving again,” he grunted, relishing in the tightness and warmth he was buried inside of, “promise.”

you whimpered, nodding as you pulled him into yet another sensual, messy kiss while you worked each other through your releases. out of all the times you and toji had sex, this had to be the rawest, most intimate time.

it wasn’t fucking. it was love-making. the kind you’d never expect from a man like toji.

he stayed inside of you after both of you came, buff arms trapping you as you listened to his slowing heartbeat as both of you trembled. neither of you wanted to move, if you could, you’d stay like this forever.

toji’s lips against your temple pulled you back from your daze, and you reached for your underwear to avoid a mess, sighing softly when he pulled out of you. “shower?” he asked, to which you nodded lazily.

before he could lift and throw you over his shoulder, you placed a kiss on his collarbone.

“let’s eat instant noodles and rewatch the episode after that. since you haven’t read the letter—”

oh, toji was never going to hear the end of this.

but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

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stoat-party · 1 year ago

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Fallout 4: Where is the Lone Wanderer?*

*a vague conspiracy theory which doesn’t actually answer the question at hand. We all have our own ideas of how the lore should go, and I’m sure yours is very canon-compliant and valid, but this is mine and I have support for it. Looooongpost.

First off: What do we know about the canon Wanderer?

We know they activated Project Purity (or had a companion do it) without the FEV and were inducted into the Brotherhood. We know they’ve met with MacCready (you can’t finish the game if you don’t), and he has dialogue indicating they had further contact. They also took the Brotherhood’s side at Adams Air Force Base.

We don’t know what happened with The Replicated Man, but since the canon Wanderer appears to have good karma, and info from 4 implies Zimmer’s disappearance was more recent than ten years ago, it seems likely they took the boring ending, which secures their membership in the Railroad.

Why aren’t they in Fallout 4?

The Doylist answer is that they’re highly customizable, and so they have no canon appearance, personality, gender, etc. But in-universe? Something happened.

“Accepting outsiders like yourself has proven disastrous in the past.” - Kells

“I've seen other soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest... hell, some were even downright heroic.” - Danse

“Every doctor I've talked to was worthless. [] I don't need them... I need someone like you.” - MacCready

When Duncan first got sick, “someone like you” would have meant the Wanderer. This suggests (to me) that they’re not in the Capital Wasteland anymore. But they’re certainly not in the Commonwealth either.

The weird thing is that the Lone Wanderer is all over this game - they’re the namesake for a male hairstyle, a perk, a DCR song, a motorcycle brand… and the codename of Deacon’s mission to save the Railroad from certain destruction by recruiting the Sole Survivor.

Someday We’ll Find It, the Deacon Connection

Oh yeah, I’m going here. Desdemona’s terminal entries confirm it was always Deacon’s plan to get you onboard and use you to destroy the Institute. There are Railroad lookout posts near 111/Sanctuary and Red Rocket, and of course he followed you in Goodneighbor, Diamond City, and Bunker Hill (at least). His court jester vibe hides it a bit, but he’s manipulating you more than he’s manipulating Desdemona in the intro scene. And do you notice he rarely gives you a firm verbal disapproval unless you’re hurting the Railroad?

What could have caused Deacon’s interest in you, unless he’s made the connection between you and the Lone Wanderer? He’ll vouch for you if you haven’t accomplished anything yet, or even if you’re a Brotherhood member. A Pip-Boyed stranger emerges from a vault in the middle of a crisis, gaining friends, skills, items, and special abilities at a suspicious rate? Probably with the same gender and playstyle as the previous one? Heck, when he first heard the rumors, he probably thought you WERE the Lone Wanderer.

There are other indications the Railroad has been in contact with them — Desdemona mentions the Capital Wasteland as their primary destination for synths, and Deacon references Harkness’s recall code. If you refuse to pick a codename, Desdemona even assigns you “Wanderer.”

So what happened, then?

I think the answer lies with the Brotherhood, specifically in Deacon’s hatred of them. Sure, ideology is enough to hate them for, but Deacon sure seems suspiciously happy if you nuke their base of operations. (Some of) his comments on that:

“The Brotherhood... well, I met them on an op in Capital Wasteland a few years back. But now with Elder Maxson... Let's just say, not a fan.”

“That bastard Maxson really screwed them up. The Brotherhood used to be the good guys. Well, goodish.”

[Who’s Elder Maxson?] “He’s a piece of work, is what he is.”

And on his time in the Capital:

“Did I ever tell you about the time I was in Capital Wasteland? Now there's a tale.”

“Capital Wasteland. Exports: purified water, some decent tech, oh, and an insane suicidal cult that worships radiation. Thanks, guys.”

“I miss Capital Wasteland. You can actually drink the water there.”

And a few lines I’ve decided (with no evidence) directly refer to LW:

“Last partner I had wound up going... well, a little insane. I think it was all my show tune medleys.”

[After Maxson orders you to hunt Danse down] “See? This is what the Brotherhood's really about.”

And my favorite: “I’ve been looking forward to kicking the Brotherhood’s teeth in. I owe them.” This line comes before Glory is killed, so he’s not referring to that. The Brotherhood only recently arrived in force in the Commonwealth. He’s talking about something that happened in the Capital Wasteland.

So Here’s What Might Have Happened:

In early 2286, Deacon moves to the Capitol Wasteland for awhile, probably to get a face change and lay low for a bit. He contacts the Lone Wanderer, who has barely heard from the Railroad in nine years. They begin to work together.

(In context, this journal entry looks like he’s somehow gathering intel to predict when Vault 111 will open, but I can’t think of a way for him to get that information or know why it’s important, so I’m not going to believe it just yet.)

The Wanderer is still a knight, maybe a paladin. Maxson has been elder for 2-3 years and is monitoring the Institute. Meanwhile, the Lone Wanderer and Deacon are setting up infrastructure to receive escaped synths.

And then the Brotherhood finds out about one of the safehouses. With their limited understanding, they believe that the Institute is holed up there and attack. The Wanderer intentionally throws the mission — maybe disobeys orders, maybe downs a vertibird or collapses a subway tunnel, or maybe even attacks their brothers to protect the synths.

And, well-

Either they were killed, or they escaped court martial and execution by a hair’s breadth and fled the Capital, leaving Deacon to believe Maxson had them killed.

There you have it. That’s why they aren’t in Brotherhood dialogue or records. Their accomplishments couldn’t be recognized because they’re a traitor. And that’s why it’s personal for Deacon.

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octoberautumnbox · 26 days ago

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Happy Anni-box-sary!! :DDDD

Whew! It's been a year since I've started writing on this platform (and in general fsgsdjkfghjadskfh), and what a wild ride it has been. Ups and downs scattered throughout the year, but I really wouldn't have it any other way :uwuge:

All that said, let's move onto the box 2024 recap!

Yuri fics I've written: 8

Fly in the Night Trip

Love in the Night Train

Juicy Juicy

Friday

Adrenaline

Enjoy

I Got All I Need

Like It Like I Love It

buncha drabbles I didnt count, some of them fluff, some of them angst, all of them box 📦‼

Yuri fics other people have written: 6

@fillinforlater's Friends that can Keep a Secret

@birchleavesdawn's Bitter Taste

@xshadowdelta's Former Manager pt. 1: Back in Town

@usedpidemo's Cruel Flower

@prael's Reality

@leafostuff's Operant Conditioning

Non-Yuri fics I've written: 11

in my best attempt not to double count when there was more than one idol in the fic (lmao),

1 for soloist Chaeyeon

1 for Kiss of Life

2 for woo!ah!

2 for tripleS

2 for Kep1er

3 for fromis_9

Funnest fics to write:

Hell Week: despite not doing sins's prompt justice, I really did enjoy how I built Yubin and OC's character, even as the writer i fell in love with how sweet Yubin came to be, and while I do think the sex could have been fluffier, i do like how i wrote the ending :DDD

Cute and Caring Noona from Apartment 424: i think deep down inside i knew the apartment thing was gonna come back, even at the time, though i had to promise myself it wouldn't be a series. Yujin and Xiaoting are still a killer duo i'd love to write but it wouldn't fit that well with what i've decided on what the apartment fics will be, instead i'm going with the direction that The Sultry and Pervy Soda in Apartment 307 went and go from there

Like It Like I Love It: EASILY my top 1 from this year. it was everything reader box would have wanted in a yuri fic: a casual relationship, a possibility that there's something more in it, hot sex (literally), and just the right amount (maybe a bit too little) of showing off babygirl yul. i really hope this isn't peak box but going back to why i started writing in the first place, which is that i wanted to see more quality yuri fics, this was something that if i were still a reader would have sated me for at least another year. good job box!

Idols/Groups I've come to know:

Kiss of Life: I think they debuted before me? I noticed Natty first bc ofc I did 😭 but quickly fell in love with how Bobsky just vibes so well with them aaaaaaa

tripleS: I started paying attention around Girl's Capitalism but I knew of them since Generation. I still know only like ten of them and still need to look up whether they're of age or what number S they are but I've written the group thrice now so worth :DDDD

Kep1er: zozi was tough for wizones and I'm not exception, so there was a lot of animosity to this group starting out. I only really started loving this group because of choiyuj, and it was me falling in love with that tiktok that cookies n seggs noona was ever made and it's been upwards ever since

Collabs:

One Heck of a Joyride with @leafostuff: simultaneously this took way too long and not long enough LMAO we started in Feb and released in May, if u can remember Best Job Ever and Like It Like I Love It came out in May too so that was hectic for me. but it's my first and to date only long fic and I hope someday to surpass it in terms of word count and idol nuguness :sitt:

Prompts:

@i-am-lifeform24's Curated Companions: this first major prompt I took part in, where I wrote Dito Muna Tayo :nolookk: it got me attention I didnt know how to feel abt (I still don't tbh) but it was a major step in the right direction to temper my expectations of myself: it reminded me to write for me

@msafterhours's Seasons: this was a major L for me jfkgjslahhf I wrote A Little Goes a Long Way, misunderstanding the prompt "Seasons" for "Seasoning" and making a cooking fic instead. it was a great laugh with him tho, and a memory I come back to fondly

@mintwithchoco's Favorite Song: I wrote Orange-Tinted Sunset with Sticky in mind but promising mint I'd break Belle's heart lmao, at the time my current favorite song switched from that to Nothing and it all just fell in place. I had the idea a long time ago for Haneul but this was the perfect chance to broaden my horizons yet again, and to my dismay it proved @0cta9on right that I kinda was okay at all three genres of fics that touched on after all :bearlazy:

Growth:

can't remember if I said it out loud on the tl but im not a serious writer! that just means that I dont consciously aim to improve how I write and I'm totally fine with the skills and style I have now, and any exp gained or skills learned is has been passively achieved

that said, I'm really so so happy with Fly in the Night Trip and Love in the Night Train. In my first ever fic i said i wanted my next work to be a smut, and that i would be able to write more of what i wanted on my blog soon. Enjoy was both of those, and i even got to write so much more of my ult bias throughout the year and then some. you could call it self-serving, or as @capslocked so eloquently put it, unconsidered readers, all of you. :sitt:

thats why im really happy to be able to come full circle with another fluff in Love in the Night Train, because i feel like it concludes such an awesome year in such an awesome way. id tell 2023 box that just keeping at it wouldve worked out so well, but the extra effort to write just a tiny bit better, to listen to @midnightdancingsol's advice, to stick with it even though work fucked us up (and still does) is going to be well worth it

Hiatuses: 2

ok obviously im not as proud of this one. but each time i did, it was me reevaluating how I run the blog and what sort of stuff I'm getting myself into. it was well worth taking a step back from writing and just figuring out what exactly I wanted to do, and the breaks did wonders for how I paced myself.

these were me asking myself questions that struck the very core of how I conduct this cacophony of a kpop smut blog. it made me aware of arbitrary rules I was holding myself to, and gave me a chance to do away with them. everyone has to clear out their inventory every once in a while, and these were mine :DDDD

Everything else:

ive stopped tracking notes bc I learned since I occasionally write nugu and non-smut to never expect 100+ and I'm always pleasantly surprised when I get there slfjglah but yeah, there's better things to keep track of like what I did above

these are what really matter to me: yuri, writing, and the community i've become part of. while I do think the 1022 club is a fun milestone to celebrate, anything else is a bit more work than i care to make a separate post about (except maybe on bluesky lmao)

at my core, im a glassy, a true fan of the little ball of sunshine that is jo yuri. i keep saying that as long as im able to make one of you lovely readers a fan of her too, i'll know i'm doing good! so to all you box followers, all you honorary glassys, please tune in to yuri! she just released her tenth(!!!) OST entitled Spring Days Pass, will appear in Squid Game season 2 which premieres on Dec. 26 on Netflix, and is bound to have a comeback lined up soon :cuteplead: please join me in supporting her! :DDDD

Aaaaand that's it I think? A wild ride for sure, and I'm happy to have spent it here doing what I love. Hopefully all you readers also show greater support to my fellow writers and friends on here, and as always, stay tuned for more box fics in the future!

Thanks for reading, and see you all in October Autumn Box season 2!!

#thought box #1022 club

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venerawrites · 8 months ago

Note

hi! could you write a naruto x reader fic where reader just moved to konoha and saw naruto being bullied and decides to help him? maybe they become friends after and naruto develops a crush on reader

thank you thats all!

author's note: my exams are getting near and I have not been super active lately, but writing this was a nice break for my brain and actually gave me a chance to recharge. I absolutely love Naruto and I am so happy I finally got my first request for him! I really hope you enjoy! x

warnings: none, but what was supposed to be fluff did turn into some light angst? (sorry, can't control myself); also gn! reader and characters aged to be over 18 towards the end;

"It should've been you, freak!"

The words were followed by a shove to the boy's chest, but it didn't hurt nearly as deep as the statement said. In a way, Naruto agreed with what the other kid was saying - maybe it shouldn't have been him buried deep underground, instead of the dozens of innocent lives that were taken by the demon sealed inside of him. Maybe death is indeed the better option compared to his life filled with loneliness and being hated by everyone in the village.

"Just leave me alone!", his voice came out weaker than he intended to and caused nothing but laughter by the five boys surround him.

"Or what, whisker boy?"

Naruto opened his mouth to reply, but quickly closed it again, once no good comeback came to his mind.

What was he going do?

He could try and fight them like last time, but with five versus one, he was bound to lose again. He could also run… but with 3 of the boys being a few years older and already training at the Academy, they would surely catch him. Alternatively, he could just sit and a hope for a miracle to happ-

“Get lost.”

The little pebble you held in your hand flew toward the head of one of the boys, forcing him to turn around with annoyance written all over his face. It took a few seconds for Naruto to locate where the voice came from, but once he spotted you, his breath hitched in his throat.

Just like an angel, sent straight from Heaven, you stood in the middle of the street, eyeing all of the boys with an unimpressed expression and with one of your hands playing with two more pebbles between your fingers. You must have been just a visitor since the blonde boy was sure he would have remembered you if he had seen you before. His eyes fell down towards the front of your vest, where a small scorpion was embodied in gold.

A clan symbol, that's for sure. But which?

"Who the heck are you?", the boy you hit yelled, his palm still rubbing the sore spot at the back of his head, "Go away before we make you go away."

A loud scoff escaped past your lips and before he could react, you threw a second stone at him, this time successfully hitting his left eye.

"Ow!", he screamed, and a few of his friends immediately rushed to his side, checking if he was okay. Moving their attention to you, their bodies tensed, instinctively taking a fighting stance. Naruto, on the other hand, stood behind them, still unsure of what was going on.

"I give you exactly ten seconds to run before I make you go away", you mimicked their earlier words, a note of challenge in your voice. Your threat was met with nothing but laughter and you narrowed your eyes at them, your fingers reaching to the little pouch attached to the side of your waist.

"Ha, like you can scare us aw- OW!", with no chance to finish, the boy, who you assumed was the leader of the gang, was hit again, this time in his other eye, making him stumble back. Calculating the distance between you and the other males, you expertly threw the rest of the stones in your hand in their direction, hitting each one without a miss.

Before he could realise what was happening, Naruto found himself facing you alone, his bullies now running quickly down the street. They kept shouting some curses and threats back at you, their words mixing together and making it impossible to actually understand what were they saying. You didn't look too bothered about it either, your eyes boring into the blonde boy.

"Heh, t-thanks for that...", Naruto nervously murmured with a crooked smile, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. He was not sure if you were going to attack him next, but judging by your more relaxed stance now, he hoped not. Your face remained stoic, your eyes tracing his face and dirty outfit, the corners of your mouth twitching in disgust.

"You need a shower", was all you said, before turning around and starting walking towards your house. It took a few seconds for the blonde boy to assimilate your words, his head shaking once he realised that you intended this to be the end of your conversation.

"Hey! Wait!", he yelled, his feet hurrying after you, "What's your name?"

You did not stop, but your steps did slow down. Casting him a side glance, you raised an eyebrow at him in question.

"Why do you need my name?"

"Well, you know...", the boy trailed off, but your facial expression remained unchanged. Clearing his throat, he shoved both his hands in his pockets, while still walking next to you. He stayed silent for a minute, wondering how to word his thoughts. Did he actually need a reason to ask for your name? Was there even a right answer to that?

"So we can be friends! I assume you are new here, but that's okay because you can't have a better guide around Konoha than me and-"

"I don't need new friends", you immediately shot him down, your focus moving from him to the road ahead. The feeling of his curious stare burned at the side of your face, yet you refused to elaborate further.

"Well, I...", his movements stopped and he remained frozen in his place. The way you turned his offer down so quickly hurt more than he expected from someone he didn't even know. There was something cold and unfriendly about you and he couldn't decide if it was directed toward him, or if it was just who you were.

Have you heard about him and the demon inside of him already? You didn't look scared of him, but it was also clear you wanted nothing to do with him. Maybe you thought he was weak because of the way he let those kids talk to him?

"It's Y/N", your voice took him out of his thoughts and he lifted his gaze up to you. After seeing the confusion in it, you clarified, "My name is Y/N."

A small smile formed on his face and he closed the distance between you once again, reaching his hand toward you.

"I am Naruto", he shivered at the feeling of your smaller hand placing itself into his, "Naruto Uzumaki."

You nodded your head, despite already knowing well enough who he was. It has been only a week since you moved from the Village Hidden in the Rain to Konoha, but your parents had already made you aware of the rumours going around the village of the so-called "fox demon boy". Looking at the whiskers on his face, it didn't take long for you to realise it was him.

"The gates in front of the academy. Eight o'clock tomorrow morning. Don't be late", you instructed calmly, pulling your hand away from his grasp.

"Huh?"

You rolled your eyes at his dumbfounded look.

"I could use a guide around the village", you shrugged your shoulders, before turning around once again, "But if you are even one minute late, I would leave."

Needless to say the next day was the first time Naruto actually showed up for something on time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two years have passed since the first time you met Naruto. Surprisingly for him and many of the other villagers, an unlikely friendship formed between you despite your contrasting personalities.

Naruto was like the sun - bright, positive, bringing light into everyone's life. Despite what others have put him through, he remained dreaming big, eager to prove himself as the strongest ninja in Konoha. While he still encountered unfriendly stares and was avoided by the majority of the kids, he radiated optimism and never shut his mouth about how one day everyone was going to admire him.

You, on the other hand, were... well, you.

Raised as the oldest daughter of the Doku clan, one of the few wealthy clans in Amegakure, your life drastically differed from the one of your blonde friend. Moving to Konoha after the political tension in your home village threatened the influence held by your father, your parents made sure to continue your comfortable life by purchasing a large compound in the outskirts of the Leaf Village.

Too busy to climb the social ladder, your parents have left you in charge of looking after your two younger sisters, thus never really giving you the chance to enjoy a carefree childhood. Sure, you were aided by the many maids who helped around the house, but having to constantly keep an eye on your siblings made you mature way quicker than expected. It was no surprise that even since your early childhood you developed a moody personality, your state of mind shifting only between annoyance and boredom.

Nothing really impressed you, nor could make you sad. Interactions with people were draining the little energy and patience you had left and you avoided them as much as possible, preferring to sit in your compound's garden by yourself, immersed in one of your many books about nature, plants and poison making.

Despite that, you were not heartless. So when you saw Naruto for the first time, being cornered by these five boys, you knew you had to intervene, despite having no intention to get to know him. But the moment you saw his expression after you made it clear that you were not interested in forming friendships, something inside you stirred with guilt and despite your better judgment, you decided to give it a shot.

You often wondered if that was a mistake, especially in moments like this, when Naruto was loudly complaining to you about the team he has been assigned in, pieces of the food he was chewing falling out of his mouth while talking.

"Can you believe it? Me and that teme in the same team together! This has to be a joke!", he moaned, stuffing his mouth with more ramen, half of which flew towards you, while he kept trying to talk and eat and the same time.

You looked in disgust at the small piece of noodle that rested on your sleeve, carefully picking it up and throwing it away.

"Can you stop talking with your mouth full?", you asked in annoyance, rolling your eyes. Naruto hummed under his breath but showed no signs of following your request. At this point he was so used to your grumpy comments, that often they went in into one ear and came back out of the other.

"And Sakura doesn't even pay attention to me, too busy to fawn over that duck-butt looking jerk!", he lifted the bowl in his hands to his mouth and obnoxiously slurped the remaining food at the bottom. You quietly chewed your chicken while you listened to his complaints.

The relationship between him and the Uchiha has been confusing, to say the least. Before being assigned to a team together, they rarely interacted, showing no real interest in each other. Since Team 7 was formed, however, they were constantly clashing with each other and turning even the slightest things into a competition.

"What do you think?", he asked you, face leaning towards yours, while his hands moved to grab the second bowl of ramen.

"About what?", you asked with a sigh, your chopstick twirling your food in a bored manner. Naruto rolled his eyes, stuffing a large piece of pork into his mouth.

"About Sasuke, duh!", he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't really understand how girls are always after him!"

You shrugged your shoulders in response.

"I don't think about him", was all you said, returning your focus to your food. Naruto glanced at you, his mouth opening to ask you something else, but his cheeks suddenly flushed red, and he closed it again. You noticed his weird reaction, but did not comment on it, leaving him to be the one to break the silence once again.

"What about your team? Are they nice?", he cleared his throat, surprising you with the sudden change of topic. While Naruto was extremely kind, he usually preferred to talk about himself and what was going on in his life, rather than show interest in someone else.

"They are alright", you put the last bit of chicken into your mouth, before pushing your plate away. Having only two other students in the whole class who were not natives of Konoha, it was no surprise they decided to pair you together, thinking that this was something you could bond over.

Luckily for you, both of your teammates were just as uninterested in forming friendships as you. Hisa, the oldest one in your group and originally born in Suna, was an excellent swordsman and pretty good in taijutsu, making him the front fighter of your team and in some way the self-proclaimed leader of it. He rarely talked, unless he was sharing battle strategies, preferring to rely on actions rather than words.

Mako, the other boy in your team, was the most timid and shy one in the team, yet somehow the most sociable. Born in the Village Hidden in the Mist as part of the Yuki Clan, he moved here when he was just an infant. He was the only one in your team that possessed a Kekkei Genkai, and while not master at it in any way, he was an extremely valuable addition to your team and probably the best sparring partner out of you three.

You, on the other hand, were the long-shot weaponry fighter of the team. Specializing in poison making, just like the rest of your clan, your skills lay in ambushing and immobilizing enemies from far away with the help of your poison needles.

While you still could handle yourself pretty well in hand-to-hand combat, even against opponents like Hisa, you rarely had to do that, your expert aim almost never missing your targets. You were also the only one in the team who knew basic medical ninjutsu, a skill which your sensei often encouraged you to pursue further, but you refused.

"Kami, sometimes it's exhausting to be your friend, you know?", Naruto groaned, unsatisfied with the short answers you kept giving him. He expected you to give him an annoyed look or even slap him on the arm, but was caught by surprise once your melodic laugh reached his ears.

This was the first time he has EVER heard you laugh.

"Could say the same about you", you shook your head, stealing a piece of tomato from his bowl.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything changed once Sasuke left the village, including the friendship you had with Naruto. His unjustified (to you) determination to bring him back completely baffled you and forced you to completely lose your temper once he told you he was leaving the village in order to get stronger.

"You are delusional", you hissed, crossing your arms in front of your chest, "You are leaving your whole life behind for what? To bring a traitor, who wants nothing do to with you, back home?"

Naruto's eyes hardened and his hands shoved the last bit of clothes into his backpack, not caring if they were about to be wrinkly. He had invited you to his place to share his decision with you and while he knew you were not going to agree, he did not expect you to react that harshly.

It was not a secret that you did not harbour warm feelings toward any of Naruto's teammates. The Uchiha was a skilled and powerful ninja, but too blinded by his own emotions and ego, to be able to appreciate the reality of his life. He thought he was better than everyone else and seemingly this also included you since he never missed a chance to jab at you or Naruto when he saw you together. You, on the other hand, also did not hold back, giving him the cold shoulder and making him feel just as small and pathetic as he was making everyone else around him feel.

Naturally, Sakura did not like you since you were treating Sasuke that way, but that hardly bothered you since in your eyes she was both weak and annoying. And while there were dozens of girls, just as obsessed and in love like her, there was something about her that made the ugly feelings of rage and jealousy burn inside your chest. Maybe it was the fact that Naruto always talked about how pretty and confident she was, or maybe it was the fact that you were more than convinced she did not deserve even a minute of attention from your best friend... you did not know what it was exactly, but there was a reason for you not liking her.

"It's not just that...", he sighed, taking a sit next to you on the bed, "I just... I need to get stronger. Even Kakashi-sensei agrees going with Jiraya would help me improve my chakra control and makes me a better ninja. One, that deserves to be a Hokage."

"What does Kakashi-sensei even know?", you countered, "His whole life he has always been here."

Naruto looked at you with his eyes full of regret and disappointment. His arm tried to reach out to you, but you quickly pulled away, standing from the bed.

"You are never going to be strong, Naruto."

"What?", he furrowed his brows, your words taking him completely off guard. The way you said that through gritted teeth and your narrowed eyes made you look like you were facing your biggest enemy.

And Naruto did not like that.

"You are never going to be strong!", you repeated, this time your voice raising, "Because you keep wasting your energy and efforts on stuff that don't matter. You keep chasing people like Sasuke and Sakura, who don't give a damn about you! You keep overlooking the people that actually care about you! People like me!"

You ended your rant with panting body and teeth biting into your bottom lip, stopping you from saying anything else that you knew you were going to regret later. You hoped that like many other things you said, Naruto wouldn't actually register your words, but unluckily for you, this time he was carefully listening.

"You care about me?", he repeated, his eyes boring into yours. Unable to face the consequences of your words, you stared at him for a whole minute, before slowly nodding your head.

"I...", he loudly gulped, a light rosy colour covering his cheeks and ears, "Like... Like a friend? Or.. like something else?"

The silence that followed his question made you both fidget uncomfortably in your places. You kept biting your lip, the metallic taste of your blood soon filling your mouth.

What was going on? Where has the control you usually had over your thoughts and words gone? You didn't know how to answer his question, without utterly and completely destroying your friendship.

"I...", for the first time since he had known you, Naruto saw you speechless. You turned your head, the pressure of his gaze too intense for you to handle. Taking a breath, you managed to gather your thoughts together and carefully proceed:

"Like someone who I want to grow and hopefully spend my life with in the future...", you explained, your voice carrying an unusual softness and vulnerability, "I... don't make me actually say it, Naruto."

You didn't know what you expected. Maybe for him to stand up and embrace you in a hug, telling you that he shares your feelings. Or for him to storm off, his normal reaction when he feels stressed and cornered.

It was a surprise, however, when you heard his voice right behind you.

When did he even got up from his seat?

"Y/N...", your name rolled out as a broken whisper out of his lips and you already knew that nothing good was about to follow.

"Don't!", you tried to stop him before he could put the final nail into your already cracking heart.

“You have no idea-“

“Don’t do that!”

“..what your friendship means to me”, he finished his sentence, laying one of his palms flat on your shoulder, "But I... I just don't see you that way."

You flinched away from his touch, eyes still refusing to meet his. Your heard him take a breath and it sounded like he wants to say something else, but thought better of it. Both of you stayed silent - him, because he was too scared to hurt you even more, you, because you desperately tried to control the building tears that threatened to spill out on your cheeks.

"There is nothing I can say to change your mind about staying, is there?", you finally said, the question sounding more like a statement. Naruto did not reply, instead taking a step back and returning to packing his bag.

Without another word, you bolted towards the door, promising yourself that this was to be the last time you allowed your heart to be vulnerable.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto found himself surprised once he came back to the village.

Sakura was now an extremely strong kunoichi, the best student of Lady Tsunade. His friend, Gaara, has become the Kazekage and many of his classmates have already been promoted to the rank of Jonin.

It seemed everybody was growing and starting to cave their own path. And while he managed to catch up with pretty much everyone and everything during his few weeks back, he was yet to see you.

The blond Uzumaki would lie if he said he hadn't thought about you during his time away. He had... a lot. Your last conversation kept replaying in his mind, your bored face appearing in his mind every time he closed his eyes, sometimes even blessing him with one of these rare smiles he knew were reserved just for him.

Your words that day shocked him. Never had he imagined he would be the subject of someone's affection, let alone yours. You were always so reserved and composed around him, that it took him years to crack your personality, and even then, he was not sure you were fully letting him in.

Naruto was a confident being, which included his feelings. He was always sure of what he felt and why he felt it. Yet, he couldn't explain why you haunted his thoughts way more than his other friends, including Sakura. The crush that he thought he had on his teammate was now shadowed by the big question mark of who were you to him.

On one hand, you were his closest friend. You were also grumpy and pouting the majority of the time, but for some reason, he found that cute and often took it as a challenge to make you smile. You were very blunt, which sometimes hurt his ego, but he appreciated your honesty. Also, unlike Sakura, you never physically hurt him, even though he had to admit just your glare was often enough to stop him from doing whatever he was about to do.

On the other hand... well, he couldn't really think about something bad about you or your personality. Other than the fact that you reminded him too much of Shikamaru, by being constantly bored and finding yourself lacking the enthusiasm to do stuff.

"You can take Y/N out of the Hidden Rain Village, but you can't take the Hidden Rain Village out of Y/N" - Naruto often joked about you, saying that he finds your moody personality reminding him of these comforting rains, that makes you want to stay in bed all day and do nothing. You were never sure if that was a compliment or not, but with your friend having a more unique way of thinking, you never really asked him to elaborate.

After a few more weeks of not seeing you, Naruto decided it was finally time to knock on your door. Were you avoiding him? He has been out every day asking his friends about you, but they couldn't provide any information, saying that they rarely see you anyway because of how many missions your team was taking.

The door to the Doku compound opened and suddenly Naruto was tackled by two giggling girls. He landed on his bum and with a wide smile, he hugged them back, supporting their weight while both of them just hung on his neck.

"Naruto!", they both screamed in unison, "You are back!"

Chaya and Kaya were your two younger sisters, who were also Naruto's biggest fangirls. From the first time they met him when they could barely walk, they were constantly clinging to him, admiring him and even getting jealous if he had to leave them to hang out with you. The blonde ninja also enjoyed spending time with them, feeling them as close as if they were his own siblings.

"Hey, easy!", he laughed, carefully untangling their hands from his neck and crouching in front of them. He ruffled both of his heads, chucking once they whined he was ruining their hairstyles.

"Are you going to stay for dinner?" "I have this new ninja doll - do you want to see it?" "Are you going to tell us some stories of your travels?"

The two children bombarded him with questions and he kept looking between Chaya and Kaya, unsure who was asking what. Almost like she knew he needed to be saved, your mother showed up at the door, pushing the two girls back and giving Naruto an apologetic smile.

"Naruto, glad to see you! It's been a while."

"Lady Doku", the boy greeted, bowing his head, "It is good to see you too!"

Your mother stepped aside, a silent invitation for Naruto to enter and he took it without a second thought. Looking around, he was glad to see that your home was the same as he remembered it. Despite being somewhat scared of your parents in the beginning due to their reservations based on the rumours going around Konoha, your whole family has welcomed him and made sure he had a full stomach on more than one occasion. They also have paid for his ninja uniform in the past, as well as provide him with a warm bed in the spare guesthouse during the coldest months, when his apartment was freezing.

"Are you going to stay for dinner?", Lady Doku asked, leading Naruto to the dining room, "Y/N and Hisa would be here soon. They are just giving their mission report to the Hokage."

Ah, so that's why he hadn't seen you around! You were on a mission!

"Can't wait to see her!", Naruto smiled brightly, taking a seat at the dinner table, "I have been wondering where she is! I was going around the whole village trying to find her, heh!"

He took the glass of water in front of him and gulped almost half of it at once. He was nervous and he was sure your mother could tell by the way he was rambling and his voice went higher than normal. Still, she said nothing of it, instead turning towards the door, once your father entered the room with a huff.

"Are they here yet?", he grumbled under his breath, looking at his wife with an annoyed expression, "They have been giving this report for an hour. Are they writing it now or something?"

Your mother cleared her throat and gave him a scolding look, her eyes briefly moving to Naruto to show him that they were not alone. The man stared at her with confusion for a few seconds, not understanding what she is trying to say.

"What, woman?", a movement at the end of the table caught his attention and he finally turned around, only to see your childhood friend sitting awkwardly, giving him a small wave. Your father suddenly smiled, his mood improving drastically, and he went round the table, patting the blond boy on the back.

"Ah, the Uzumaki boy!", he laughed, squeezing his shoulder, "We were wondering when you are going to show up. Dinners without you have been dull, you know?"

Naruto smiled at his words and bowed his head to him as a sign of respect. Your father started asking him questions about his time away with Jiraya and what he had learned during this time, and the boy enthusiastically started to explain all the new jutsu techniques he mastered and all the adventures he had with his sensei.

Soon Chaya and Kaya ran into the room, almost tripping in their hurry of who was about to sit next to Naruto. Chaya, however, being the taller one, managed to beat her sister, which resulted in loud bickering and dramatic cries from Kaya. Naruto looked at them with a smile but was quickly brought back to the conversation with your dad, once he asked him about his future plans as a ninja.

"Girls, stop!", your mother sighed and rubbed her temples, "Kaya, just sit next to Hisa today."

"I don't want to sit next to Y/N's boyfriend, I want to sit next to Narutooooo!", she moaned, crossing her arms in front of her chest with a huff.

Hearing the word "boyfriend", Naruto's head suddenly whipped in her direction, his throat tightening and making him choke on his own spit. He started coughing and his fist made its way to his chest, hitting it a few times in an attempt to help him swallow. Everyone's eyes went on him and your father's heavy hand went to his back, slapping him so hard he was thrown forward, almost banging his head on the table.

"Hit him one more time and he may fly through the wall", your monotone voice sounded next to the entry and Naruto immediately lifted his eyes, his mouth opening slightly once he saw you leaning on the door frame.

You were taller and leaner than the last time he saw you, your long hair now sitting in a high bun on top of your head. A golden bracelet in the form of a scorpion, the symbol of your clan, shined on your wrist, partly covered by your long sleeves.

What didn't change, however, was the unimpressed look that you currently gave him. The blonde tried to offer you a small smile, but you had no reaction, other than sighing and taking the seat opposite him. Closely behind you was Hisa, your teammate, and what Naruto learned to be your "boyfriend".

"Naruto is here!", yelled Kaya, taking her seat on the table, not even acknowledging Hisa.

"Really? Wouldn't have noticed", you said flatly, your eyes boring into his. Naruto shifted uncomfortably under your gaze, suddenly feeling like a nuisance by coming to your house. Sensing the tension, your father decided to shift the focus on you.

"So, how was your mission? I thought it was supposed to be only a week and you were gone for a few", he lifted his eyebrow, motioning the maid in the corner of the room to bring the meals to the table.

"The mission did indeed finish in a week", Hisa finally spoke, his face stoic, "But I wanted Y/N to meet my family back in Suna. They are excited about a potential future union between our clan and the Doku."

"I bet there are", your father mumbled under his nose, rolling his eyes while taking a bite of his salad.

Naruto, who has been sitting silent the whole time and drinking his second glass of water in an attempt to calm his nerves, now spat the liquid forward, showering both you and your partner in water.

"A union?", he asked, his voice loud and squawky, "What? Between you two?"

"Why is that hard to believe?", you asked, your eyes narrowing at him.

The truth is you were anything, but happy Naruto was here tonight. You've heard from Mako that he was searching for you and that he grew up a lot, no longer the silly boy anymore, but a man. And you had to agree - laying your eyes on him tonight, a sudden rush of your old feelings hit you like a wave. The love you thought you buried deep inside of you, suddenly resurfaced and it made you angry.

Angry, because it was not fair to you, or to Hisa, or even to your family, who seemed so excited and glad that the blonde ninja was back into your lives. You couldn't help but feel betrayed by them, especially since both your mother and father knew how broken you were once he left the village.

"Well, I don't know...", Naruto's combative personality woke up in the face of your challenging words, completely forgetting he was surrounded by other people, "Maybe it is hard to believe because both of you are completely incompatible!"

"Naruto, you need to calm down!", Hisa's voice was stern, carrying a note of threatening in it. The blonde boy, however, completely ignored that, instead furrowing his brows.

"I am calm!", he grumbled, fixing him with a glare.

The whole idea of you and Hisa was just... wrong. How did you two even fall for each other? Both of you were introverted, silent, and cold individuals, who, by what he could observe tonight, had zero chemistry between each other. Even the way you sat with almost a chair distance between you was weird in his eyes, especially since he knew you had no problem with physical contact, his own arm resting on your shoulder countless times before, even in front of your mom and dad.

"Don't be mad, because I was there to pick up the pieces you left behind!"

Silence.

Everyone looked at Hisa with surprise, even you. Never, for all the years you had known him, have you heard him be so aggressive and arrogant with his words. Naruto, also seemed shocked, but he quickly regained composure, a fire of rage burning behind his eyes.

"Shut up! You don't know anything!", he shouted, pointing his finger at your lover, "Hell would freeze before I believe she is with you because she likes you! Did you force her?"

His gaze shifted towards you, both of his brows lifting high.

"Did he threaten you? Blackmail you?"

"Don't be silly!", you scolded him under your breath, your cheeks now crimson red from embarrassment by the fact all of this was taking place in front your family members, who seemed invested in the little row by now, "Can we just eat our food in peace?"

"No!", it was Hisa who spoke first and you tried to elbow him, unhappy with his sudden confidence and eagerness to fight, but he paid you no mind, "Me and Y/N like each other. And Naruto needs to take his nose out of our relationship, before I make him to!"

You buried your head in your hands, casting a pleading look toward your dad, who actually seemed to be finding the whole thing amusing, judging by the small smirk on his face.

"Like each other?", Naruto scoffed, now glaring daggers at the other male, "A piece of cardboard has more personality than you, how could anyone like you?"

"Ha!", Chaya laughed with her mouth full, "That's true! Hisa IS boring!"

Kaya hummed in agreement, while both your parents tried to stifle a laugh. Your boyfriend, however, seemed anything but impressed by the comment and he looked at you, expecting you to defend him. You let out a sigh of annoyance, shrugging your shoulders.

How can you defend him from a fact that was true?

"Me and you. Outside. Now!", Hisa commanded, pushing his chair back and standing up. Naruto seemed to be about to do the same, when your father's voice boomed around the room.

"Sit down!", he said and Hisa reluctantly followed, his eyes still boring holes into Naruto's head, "Enough of your silly boy fight! Dinner time is family time, it is not an opportunity for you to show off in front of Y/N! Show some respect to this household!"

"Daaad!", you whined, wanting nothing more than the ground to open and swallow you. Both boys, seemingly hit by realisation of their behaviour after hearing your father's words, mumbled an apology before focusing on eating their food.

The whole dinner continued in silence, cut only by your mother who was desperately trying to lighten the mood by talking about some new market shops that opened in the village, but everyone else seemed to lack enthusiasm, choosing to remain quiet instead. Even your two siblings, who normally did not have their mouths shut, were now communicating only with glances with each other.

What was once a warm and welcoming home for Naruto, now felt weird for him to be in. So as soon as he finished his meal, he said his thanks and goodbyes, eager to get away from you and your boyfriend. Dozens of questions filled his brain and soon a headache started to form, making him rub his forehead in frustration.

What the hell has happened during these three years while he was away? He knew he hurt you that day when he said he did not return his feelings, but was it really that bad, that you felt nothing but resentment towards him now?

He was almost by the gate of your garden, when he heard your voice again.

"Why did you come?"

He turned around, finding with relief that you were by yourself. Your body language, however, was stiff and unwelcoming. You were ready for a confrontation.

"I wanted to see you", he admitted, not shying his gaze away from yours, "I... missed you."

A dry chuckle left past your lips and you shook your head. Making a few steps towards him, your sharp stare was focused on his blue eyes, searching for any signs of lies. You stood there quietly observing him, trying to gather your thoughts and clarify your own feelings.

Did you miss him? Of course, you did, every single day. Were you about to tell him? Absolutely no way.

"I am in love with you", he suddenly blurted out, catching you off guard. You took a sharp breath, unsure if he really said it or if you imagined it. Using your moment of shock as an opportunity to close the distance between you, he cautiously took one of your hands in his.

"I know I hurt you and I was dumb for not seeing what I had all along... But during these few years away, only one person haunted my thoughts. Only one person motivated me to do better, to grow into the man that they deserve, and to finally get the courage to admit in front of them and myself that I am utterly, hopelessly and crazy in love with them."

His hand rested under your chin, lifting your head towards him once you tried to look down, hiding your now blushing face from him.

"That person is you."

You let out the air that you did not even realize you were holding, his close proximity and the feeling of his touch on your hand making you feel almost like you were floating. You had the gather all of the courage you had left, in order to pull away rather than smash your lips into his.

"I can't."

Naruto looked at you with confusion, taking another step towards you, making you step back in return. He stood still for a few seconds, before pushing his hands in his pockets and looking down at his feet.

"You... You don't feel the same way?"

You stared at him for a minute, wondering if it would be easier to just lie and say "yes". Yet your heart begged you to tell him the truth, eager to be free of the weight of the feelings you have been carrying for years.

"The feelings I have for you would never go away. I have been loving you since we were children and I would love you till we are both old sacks of bones", you chuckled at your own words and suddenly the atmosphere between you felt lighter, almost like the old days. Naruto looked at you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"But I am with Hisa...", his smile quickly turned into a frown, "And things have changed. I changed... and I know you did too. No matter how bad I want to believe you, I think you need to really listen to your heart."

"But I have, I do lov-"

"Were you about to say that to me if I was not taken by somebody else?", your words were harsh and cold, but also true. Naruto closed his mouth, looking down. It is true his confession came out as a result of his jealousy tonight, but he was also confident in the fact that he did had feelings for you.

Or he thinks he does.

"I want you to be sure of what you feel", you said, now with a gentler tone, "Not telling me what your temporary emotions are leading you to believe you feel."

With slow steps you moved toward him, grabbing his face in your hands and pressing your lips against his cheek. He closed his eyes at the feeling, instinctively leaning towards the warmth radiating from your touch. He almost groaned when you let go, wishing it did last further.

He watched you walk back to your house, his own heart a mess. He knew he was feeling something for you, but perhaps it was not the right time now.

He still had to deal with the lingering crush he had on his teammate, which he couldn't even tell if it was there or not. He also still wanted to put all of his focus on bringing Sasuke back, something he knew you were not on the same page as him. And perhaps, he had to also accept the fact that he did miss the chance he had with you, and it was unfair for him to meddle in your new relationship.

There was no doubt that fate was about to bring you together someday, he had a feeling about it.

But now, it was just not the right time.

cc artwork: Raja Nanadepu

#naruto x reader #naruto uzumaki #naruto imagine #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto angst #naruto requests

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majycka · 3 months ago

Text

Megumi stans....we won, I guess? maybe just for now..

JJK 266 THOUGHTS AND SPOILERS AHEAD!

Aight megumi enjoyers, at least one of us has been in the trenches when Megumi was getting SHOVELED PILES OF SHIT ON for losing his will to live when he's a traumatized 15 years old boy having a valid reaction to a death of a loved one (aka who may I repeat, HEAVILY REITERATED in the manga is someone whose his entire desire to live hinges on). As of from the currents chap, I'm considering Yuuji's acknowledgement/understanding to Megumi's actions a W for us or idk maybe that's just me because he gives Megumi the empathy and understanding he needs in his crazy ass suicidal life, and it raises the question of whether this is gonna fully push Megumi for his comeback moment?

More yapping under the cut

In order to explain why the magnitude of this chapter is such an important development for Megumi, his trauma needs to be discuss first and, there's four people we need to go through to reflect his stages of life. Toji, Tsumiki, Gojo, aaaannd Yuuji! :D

TOJI, the dad who left for milk.

Although we barely see any interaction with these two (only one fight scene from them), Toji no doubt kickstarted the trauma of Megumi the moment he decided to left for milk and never return again. He's traumatized by the Zenin's which explains why he acted out in that way and abandoned his child. All he's life he's treated as the outsider for being the odd one out. He lashed out from it as he got stronger, calmed down when meet Meg's mom who then died, and went back to lashing out again, forgetting that he has a tiny son waiting for him at home. Big L for Toji.

I know that Gege reiterated in his interview that he wants to craft a story where there's no right and wrong people, but I'm gonna proceed to be harsher towards Toji here because he's the ADULT situation. Yes, a traumatized adult who's fucked up and not perfect, but I still hold him accountable in perpetuating Megumi's trauma because Toji proceeded to repeat the cycle of trauma that moment he decided to leave, thinking that turning over Megumi to the Zenin is the best option cuz he got The Ten Shadows Technique. From Toji's perspective, it seemed the better option because he was raised knowing his no cursed energy made him an outcast in his family. It's drilled to him that cursed technique was everything for Zenins, so of course, he thought that his son with a valued technique will make the Zenins, olympic gold medal holder of abuse, treat him better. But, heck no! Just look what happened to that Naoya, who despite being raised differently as Toji or Maki and Mai, ended up as a piece of shit. In the end though, I gotta give him the bareeeessst minimum because he kinda pushed Gojo to interfere with Megumi being sold off to the Zenins(which has another set of problems discussed for the later part of discussion).

I try to stay true in including Gege's intention in writing here, and also other nuanced perspective cuz that's the type of series JJK is that yes, Toji DID care for his son in the barest minimum and in his most emotionally stunted way.

However, the damage is done, and Megumi is left with no prime adult caretaker to protect/guide him with only an older sis to have any resemblance of it .

2. TSUMIKI, the manic pixie dream girl sister.

To define the term (as I've stolen from Google) , manic pixie dream girl (MPDG) means "a type of female character depicted as vivacious and appealingly quirky, whose main purpose within the narrative is to inspire a greater appreciation for life in a male protagonist." They are often associated as love interest in movies, BUT I AM NO WAY SHAPE IN FORM ENDORSING MEGUMI SEES HER THAT WAY. Instead, I am using MPDG as a loose term to describe Tsumiki because like most MPDG, we barely know ANYTHING about her actually and we only saw her through the eyes of Megumi which is being pretty and dead.

Not essentially dead and not essentially just pretty because Megumi described her to be the model of a kind person and someone that Megumi wishes to protect, aka his greater purpose of life, which is yah, great, but we are stuck with this perception of Tsumiki. We don't know her, and I think the closest thing we got an unbiased perception of her is when she chucked a cartoon of milk to Megumi (she will call out his BS). This connects back with Megumi's trauma because who else are you gonna hinge your will to live on when the prime adults in your life failed you? He sees her in a brighter light in order to survive. A way of coping mechanism even.

AND YET, despite all his talk appreciating her kind traits and killing people in the culling game to get back to her, you would be surprised that instead of apologizing to her that he was all emo about, he was a dick to her when they reunited. 💀💀

And in fact, the narrative punishes him for this flaw.

To the point that when Sukuna took over his body, he "killed: Tsumiki in his hands which didn't just left Megumi the guilt and shame of being a dick to his sister before she dies but also the impression that Megumi was the one who "killed her." This makes Megumi an active participant to his own tragedy, and it serves a big slap on his face that he's also at fault here.

3. GOJO, the traumatized bro who tried his best.

This is definitely the raging hot debate of the fandom which is their dynamic, and my take breaks this perception of the uwufied Gojo a lot of the fandom seems to like. Yes, I do see Gojo as another perpetrator to Megumi’s trauma, another adult that failed him but not in such of a black and white way thinking of Gojo’s the wholly bad guy here. Believe it or not, he’s still a part of the chain of generational trauma, being a "chain" as in he's a victim AND perpetrator of the system. I called him the traumatized bro who tried his best here because as much as Gojo knows how cruel the jujutsu system is for the kids, he still unintentionally passes over the core mindset of such cruel system to Megumi since Gojo still did grew up in this system normalized in his eyes.

"Jujutsu Sorcerer is an individual sport."

I say "unintentionally passes" because no, Gojo doesn't have the same intention as Zenins/majority of the system who drills "strength is everything" in the most fucked up way possible. Yes, he enjoys Megumi’s company and treats him nicely. Yes, he sticks his neck out for him. Yes, he wants them to be strong so they can change the system. But this isn't about Gojo. It's about Megumi who still undeniably suffered from the accumulation of the few adults in his life failing him which includes Gojo. Gojo offers protection to Megumi. KEYWORD: Offers. It’s in exchange for Megumi working under Gojo as a jujutsu sorcerer. Now, for smol Megumi here, who truly going through the horror show of abandonment from his dad, agrees to it because apparently, according to Gojo, it’s the only way to protect his sister.

"I'll take care of things! But you're gonna have to work extra hard. I'm countin' on ya."

Annnd thus the cycle repeats! Although it wasn’t as bad as Zenin’s abusive environment Toji was raised, Megumi is still pushed in the same cutthroat environment of the jjk world that Gojo believed he can survive just because Megs has a valued powerful technique if only he himself fullfills his potential, like Gojo’s Six Eyes. BUT Gojo, who delights in his power, forgets a crucial part that…..Megumi isn’t like him!

Check out what Megumi has to say. (aka bud doesn't want any of that sorcerers shit and just wants a domestic life)

So the thing is, was Megumi ever asked his input in choosing to be a jujutsu sorcerer? Well, yah….and all it circles back to just protecting his sister and people like her. There’s a set of problems that comes with this mindset though that Gojo was valid to point out and that is Megumi doesn’t think about himself enough. “It’s ok to be selfish!” Gojo said in the context of being a stronger sorcerer.

But at the same time, he also gave Megumi the idea to that if he doesn’t work as sorcerer, then he won’t be able to protect his sister when he was a mere 6-7y/o boy.

You know that circulating meme of Megumi pulling Mahogora for minor inconvenience? Well, guess what that tells his suicidal tendencies in protecting anyone but himself. Kid got no sense of self-preservation because his self esteemed has completely tanked itself due to his abandonment issues, and now that he’s expressing how it emotionally and physically paralyzes him, he has every valid reason to do so.

Why, yes, Gojo was 19/20 at the time he first met Megs, still a kid, doesn't know shit, and has unaddressed issues being treated as The Strongest Weapon(here’s a dedicated gojo-centric meta I wrote previously about Gojo and his issues cuz he's one complicated fool). I describe this whole situation as an unaware traumatized kid taking in another traumatized kid which is not a fun mix to have, and I understand that Gojo ain’t exactly prepared for that kind of job.

HOWEVER, I’m way harsher to point out Gojo’s failure as an adult in Megumi in the later part of the series because at this point, Gojo's a grown adult, he waxes poetry in being responsible for the next gen , and we get to see his priorities throughout the series especially with the Sukuna’s fight, like seriously he had one legitimate fun fighting someone on par with him.

Gojo DELIGHTS in power no doubt, he chooses kids with most potential, he gets excited finding those kids, and this is the type of the closest dependable adult Megumi has in his life.

Yes, financially supported but Gojo isn't around much when he's working and on demand sorcerer almost 24/7. That's why growing up sure do sucked ass for Megumi especially when no one’s really there to guide and to keep an eye on your development AS A PERSON AND NOT JUST A SORCERER which the latter part is what unfortunately Gojo’s more eager to do.

4. YUUJI, the guy who just wants Megumi to know he matters to him as a person.

Yuuji and Megumi were definitely the highlight of this chapter because in the bleak world of JJK where everyone seemed to be succumbing to the repeated fuck ups of the previous gen (like that Yuta-Gojo situation), this chapter actually offers that THERE IS HOPE that the new gen can do better like what Yuuji just did that the adults in Megumi's life are too emotionally stunted to do. Yuuji take the time to listen to Megumi's emotional thoughts, what he feels as a person, and not just listen, but to understand and empathize. It even took lots of attempts for Yuuji to make Megumi open up.

He responds to Megumi's vulnerability with care and love, and Yuuji understands the pain Megumi is going through from losing his sister. With someone in pain like that, Yuuji knows he can't just go around saying "just live" to someone who's practically suicidal.

The treat of this all is when this scene comes next. Yuuji also shows his vulnerability and expresses that Megumi matters to him!

"It's lonely without you..Fushiguro."

This scene clearly parallels Gojo and Megumi's first meeting, so I'm gonna try to throw my two cents here and explain why Gege choose this direction. Remember what I said about Yuuji giving us the hope of the new gen escaping from the shackles of generational trauma? Well, I think this parallel is a way in saying that what Megumi needed when he was so young was someone to see him and his pain who's just a kid abandoned and forced to fend for themselves because the prime adults decided to to dip out. This is Megumi we are talking about here who's unaddressed issues stays hidden beneath all the pressure of him being The Ten Shadows Technique. He's valued for his technique. That's why Gojo showed up to meet him in the first place. That's also what the jujutsu system looked after for their child soldiers. Yuuji tries to break this chain of trauma their mentor unknowingly repeats. He'll show up for Megumi again and again because he's his dear friend even if Megumi's being difficult to be pulled out of Sukuna. And the beautiful thing is Yuuji didn't had some grand inspiring speech or grand offer to convince Megumi, he wasn't even sure Megumi will be up for it. Yuuji simply want to say that he matters to him. That understands him. That he's important to him so much he'll be sad when he dies, and it mattered.

"This is...Fushiguro Megumi's...!!"

And now that Megumi is showing signs in taking his body back, it's now his turn to save himself. Yuuji did his part, and for someone whose future has been controlled by everyone but himself, this time Megumi gets to decide what comes next.

#jjk 266 #jjk manga #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #yuuji itadori #itadori yuuji #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #fushiguro toji #toji fushiguro #tsumiki fushiguro #fushiguro tsumiki #jjk meta #jjk spoilers #yall this is the fastest i pulled words out of my ass and provided evidence for it #my uni paper would never see such treatment kdngjksd #it's very messy but gah i gotta type this shit out or it will be forever be stuck in my head and messes with my daily routine lol #meta attempt

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nozunhinged · 9 months ago

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My Top 5 BL Kisses of Jan (& Feb) 24 + why

Okay, okayyyyy I'm doing this, no backing out. I offically accept that analyzing kisses takes up so much of my brainspace that I can write about it — so here it goes. I'M NOT HIDING ANYMORE BUT OWNING UP TO IT! (lol, chill)

Last year I complained that I didn't get a single perfect kiss since I started watching BL TV shows (until PhayaTharn turned up) and now we're not even a quarter into the new year and I already got FIVE I'm absolutely in AWE about!! FIVE!!

I don't know if it's the actors, directors or coaches who upped their game (probably all of them) but hot damn, all of these are beautiful.

And don't ask me why I'm into kiss-acting so much I have no fucking clue, my first guess is that it's an artform in itself to make this amazing, wonderful, intimate form of touching look as beautiful as it feels — bc let's be honest here, irl kissing rarely looks pretty no matter how great it is! So I think it's just dope when you can see this beauty translated on screen.

So I guess this is peak romance genre for me and with that being said, enough talking, lets get to the kissykissies!

5. TenPrem - Cooking Crush EP. 11

I have to be honest with you, I was a bit confused by the kissing in this show. The tippytoe kiss was cute as heck but we all saw how Off AND Gun awkwardly blinked because they probably had to stay like that for a looooong time. It took the whole magic out of the whole first-kiss-moment. Same with the forced in, reshot makeout-scenes. But the kiss in the kitchen? Looks like they FINALLY got to show what they got.

Ten gently pulling Prem closer, them smoothly moving against each other, Ten closing in even more, the slightly open-mouthed kiss with their lips perfectly caressing each other, Ten with a bit more force, Prem with a bit more heat resulting in the perfect mix...Loved it, mwah.

4. PromNont - Playboyy EP. 12

They are my one Playboyy-couple where I'm like "if they don't end up married and running Playboyy together, starting the revolution of well-payed, insured and safe sex workers I'm gonna riot" even though I know this show will not end nicely for ANYONE.

Anyways, this kiss. Holy smokes they had so many good scenes but this one took the cake. Not just the sheer length of it (but still with perfect timing and breaks).

The slightest suck on Nonts upper lip, Prem literally making Nont sway, Nonts hidden desperation for Prom surfacing from his lips, them slowly but surely turning up the heat and last but not least, Prom grabbing Nonts face just to lean against him...UGH THEM!

(I made those)

3. Myungha & Yeowoon - Love for Love's Sake EP 8

I know I'm not alone in how this show swept me off my feet and hit me right in the feels. But I've gotta say, this kiss hit completely different. Again they kissed for so long but not a single moment felt wasted. It felt like their whole story put in a single kiss. And — I mean that in the most loving and positive way possible — they kissed so amazingly gay. Do you know what I mean?!

There's just this level of love, care and happiness that only queer couples can convey. Sprinkled with a hint of tongue (I saw that Yeowoon 👀) — they absolutely nailed it.

2. AlanJeff - Pit Babe EP. 11

The kiss that made me consider doing this post in the first place. I saw them and shouted THIS IS PERFECT just to realize that I did this a few weeks ago already and it made me spiral a little. In the best way possible because I felt truly blessed once again to have discovered the genre of BL in their golden era!

Because this right here is how you nail an open mouthed kiss my friends. Take notes BL producers. Put this in your textbooks! They both go at the same rythm (slow, careful but so, so loving JUST LIKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP UGH) and same level of touch so their lips caress each other perfectly. Furthermore, Alan knows exactly how to meet Jeff which is also a PERFECT EXTENSION OF HIS CHARACTER! Alan leads, Jeff follows but they meet perfectly and equally. TEN OUT OF TEN NO NOTES!

1. PhayaTharn - The Sign EP. 9

I don't understand the meaning of the "Roman Empire"-thing but I think if I say they are mine, I am correct because they will be the end of me and that's what that means right? I may be biased AF but objectively speaking, this is just an insanely well acted-out scene, PERIOD! And we all know it's thanks to Billybabes out-of-this-world-chemistry!

Phayas desperation translated into this gorgeous lip-clash, so much yearning but softness at the same time but what really got to me was how Tharn immediately melted after their lips touched, how he immediately opened up to him and got completely overwhelmed by Phayas feelings. Chapeau to Babe for showing so much range in a single second. My favorite kiss of the whole series ❤️

I also just realized all these kisses have one thing in common....hands on faces lol.

Well that was fun peeps, thanks if you made it until the end!

#cooking crush #tenprem #playboyy the series #promnont #love for love's sake #love supremacy zone #myungha x yeowoon #pit babe the series #alanjeff #the sign the series #phayatharn

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mostotherthings · 2 months ago

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The On1y One's ending is pre-empting you for a reunion, there is hope for the future

Can you believe, I sat down with my father for his advice on this. I must disclaim, I am an English-language user, but I know enough Mandarin to get by. Together with my father and Baidu, and after thinking about this for a few nights, my thoughts on that… the ending is hopeful – but bittersweet

The literature teacher starts off Episode 11 with the reciting of the poem 江城子 (Melody of a River Town) by Su Shi (otherwise, Su Dongpo) translations for this poem is taken from this site

十年生死兩茫茫。Ten years of separation by the immeasurable distance between life and death

不思量，自難忘。 Is not something I'd like to think about, yet unforgettable it is already.

千里孤墳, A thousands miles away is your lonely grave,

無處話淒涼, I've nowhere to visit and my grief express.

縱使相逢應不識，Even if we could meet, we probably wouldn't each other recognise,

塵滿面，鬢如霜。For my faces has aged and my sideburns greyed as I have life's hardship sustained.

The teacher continues:

這就傳達了一種經過時間的滄桑 This expresses the inevitable change in the circumstances of life

再見面時 When we meet again

卻已幽冥兩隔的哀戚 We have already mourned our separation because of life and death

At this point, the teacher asks if the students understand. At my first watch, I’m going what the ever loving HECK (we were taught Mandarin for usage, not literature interpretation). My Mandarin is not even Taiwanese high school level, so I had to go study. Anyway!

The second part of the poem they do not go through in the show, is following,

夜來幽夢忽還。Last night out of the blue I dreamt of homecoming,

小軒窗，正梳妝。And there you were, putting on make-up after combing your hair.

相顧無言，Our eyes meet yet reticent we remained,

惟有淚千行。Yet rolling down our cheeks are tears forming far too many trails.

料得年年腸斷處，Then I realise we are where I'd visit year after year when my heart aches

明月夜，短松。On a night with a bright moon, on the hillock, among the pine saplings I'd stay.

Director Liu has indicated- instead of a 6 year separation according to the book (which I am TRYING to read; emphasis, trying), they have changed it to a ten year period. Su Shi wrote this poem 10 years after the death of his first wife, who died at the age of 17, exactly the age that the boys are now. It means the boys' separation, according to the poem, is inevitable. This pain, will be inevitable too, as Su Shi was known to be very affected by the loss of his first wife

Notice that the poem also states the night with a bright moon- this probably leads to the next part of the show, where Jiang Tian tells Sheng Wang that he chooses the moon.

But the teacher follows up with asking Jiang Tian to explain what the idiom 破鏡重圓 means. (Note: when I asked my Dad his interpretation of it, his first words, 'this idiom is not for just anybody getting back together, it is meant for husbands and wives, you know that, right?' and I swear I disassociated for a moment)

Jiang Tian notes well- it is the story of Le Chang, a princess from the dying Chen Dynasty. Seeing that the country is at war, her husband Xu Deyan tells her, as she is a great beauty, after the war is lost, they are bound to be separated as she will be given or taken as a spoil of war by the invaders. He tells her that if they both survive the war, there will be a chance that they can meet again. He breaks a bronze mirror and tells her on the fifth 元宵节 (fifteenth day of the first lunar month) after the loss of the war, to bring the mirror out and pretend to sell it- he will look for her amongst the vendors, so that they will have a chance to meet again.

After the war, Le Chang princess indeed is taken away and the lovers separated. Every year on the agreed date, Xu Deyan takes his half of the mirror and goes to sell it, and as he traverses the vendors, one year he finds a servant selling the other half, and it was then that he finds out that Le Chang is now a concubine of a ranking official of the new dynasty. In sadness, Xu Deyan writes a poem on it and gives his half to the servant.

Jiang Tian continues as the light gets brighter behind him, and his explanation is the content of the poem that Xu Deyan wrote to his wife in the half of his bronze mirror

可是這個美好故事的背後 But behind this beautiful story

卻有很深的意思 There is a deep meaning

在他們無法詳見的幾十年 In the decades that they were unable to meet

他們只能看著鏡子 They could only look at the mirror

思念當初美好的對方 And miss the other beautiful partner

團員後 Even after the reunion

在鏡中 In the Mirror

我再也看不到你當初嫦娥版的倩影 I can no longer see your Chang-Er like silhouette

只留下歲月映照後 Only leaving the impression left behind by the years

淒涼的月光 A desolate moonlight

GUYS, c’mon man I’m dying at this point. This mirrors the poem that Xu Deyan wrote to Le Chang on the mirror

鏡與人俱去，鏡歸人未歸。無復嫦娥影，空留明月輝

The mirror goes away with the person, but the mirror returns without the person. Chang'er's shadow is gone, the bright moon remains in the sky (this is from Google translate, don't come at me LOL, but you get the gist)

And perhaps they are saying now, that even reunited 10 years later, it will not be the same- you and I, will not be the same, and we will have this pain of separation be an impression on our lives in the future.

The story is psyching us up for the 10-year separation coming up ahead in the nerd-iest way and I’m still dying here please

And it’s JIANG TIAN that says this, in his glasses, and wearing his vest, the curtains of the room drawn leaving only 1 source of light behind him. He takes off his glasses at the end- two lenses signifying 2 halves of the mirror, perhaps???

The ending of the story is- the mirror is returned to Le Chang princess by her servant, and after receiving it, she goes into a turmoil so deep she doesn't eat or sleep or even wash. Her new husband, after hearing the news, allows her to return to Xu Deyan. Her new husband summons Xu Deyan to the residence and the lovers are reunited, at which he says 破鏡重圓 (literally- the broken mirror, has become whole again) - could this be a hint that any opposition to their relationship will finally be relented after a forced separation?

Of course in the later ensuring conversation, Jiang Tian expresses that he chooses the moon (ie, Sheng Wang)

Perhaps like Xu Deyan, he has already made up his mind, or prepared for the inevitable separation. I will wait for you, and not only that, I will find a way that we will be back together again.

At the end of Episode 12, another Su Shi poem appears (translations from here

山頭斜照卻相迎 The setting sun (slanting) over the mountain offers greetings still

回首向來蕭瑟處 Looking back over the bleak passage survived

歸去The return in time

也無風雨也無晴 Shall not be affected by windswept rain or shine

THE RETURN IN TIME SHALL NOT BE AFFECTED BY WINDSWEPT RAIN OR SHINE and it’s RAINING OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM (lying on the ground in a puddle, POETRY)

I’m also going to link the Baidu article for this poem (if you wish to translate it for a read), but basically, the poem expresses the author returning after a drinking session when it starts to rain, and when everyone is rushing to return and to look for shelter, he takes his time going back. The teacher continues with the explanation of this -

這些日子他被流放到外地 In the days where he was in exile

寫下抒發自己內心的文字 he wrote down the feelings he had in his heart

他表示他不會害怕 He expressed that he would not be afraid

他會勇往直前 He will forge bravely ahead

且不會畏懼 and without fear

他也很期待 He also looks forward

回去的日子to the day he will return

And here, they focus on Jiang Tian tying the broken bracelet back and pronouncing that he will wait for Sheng Wang’s return.

The rain outside the window is the beginning of the separation! The bleak passage survived from the poem!

To match this poem, the POV changes to Sheng Wang

暗戀是一個人的兵荒馬亂 To be secretly in love with someone is a turmoil (the idiom 兵荒馬亂 literally translates to soldiers in a panic and horses in a mess – the war/fortress analogy is BACKKK)

因為太喜歡你 Because I like you so much

所以我如臨深淵如履薄冰 I feel like I am facing a deep abyss, like walking on thin ice (the pure linguistic poetry of this line, it kills me)

以至於差點忘了 to the point I almost forgot

我17歲了I’m 17

這個年紀裡整個世界都是我的 At this age, the world is my oyster

不需要猶豫 No need for hesitation

也用不著權衡 And I don’t have to compromise

我無堅不摧 I’m indestructible

也無所不能 And there’s nothing I can’t do

And the entire dialogue ends with Jiang Tian's voice asking Sheng Wang, Can you try to pass the test and return?

And Sheng Wang says Yes

Is it the test for returning to Class A, or is it the test of the NEXT TEN YEARS?

#the on1y one #某某 #i will never stop nerding about this #the nuance and the preparation for season 2 #i truly hope it happens!

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bomberqueen17 · 3 months ago

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who let me out

Most of the time I spend on Tumblr has been taken up in writing these Aubreyad book recaps so I haven't been talking about my own life but there's not a lot to say.

However!

I am making a voyage to England next week which is extremely exciting, and yes I'm going to see the museum exhibit about that archaeology dig I was so excited about. I have been so stressed lately that I have barely thought about this and in fact last night I finally was like "do i need like. socks n underwear for this trip. idek." and i haven't even looked at weather reports so I don't know what clothes I need. But I did live in the UK for a while once so I'm fairly confident that my good raincoat and new waterproof boots will be a good start towards an autumn wardrobe.

So I hope to talk about that more, coming up.

Meanwhile, rambling about personal life stuff

The last stint at the farm was so fucking stressful. I had to work the market sometimes, which means a full day of work on Saturday. We had so much work to get through, and several people who help us weren't available, so we had to do it all ourselves, and that meant some ten-hour days, meant some exhausting slogs. At the end I was like "do you know what I'm not going to do while I'm on vacation?" "no, what" "ever touch raw chicken." I singlehandedly had to package like 1000 pounds of raw chicken in two days, after having packaged 200 whole chickens the day before. I was just so tired of the way raw cold chicken feels in my hands. Ugh ugh ugh.

I got so stressed I just wasn't sleeping, which sucked. Oh, I'd get into bed, and I'd fall asleep at my normal time-- usually around 10pm-- and then I'd wake up at 2am and that was it, I was up for the day. I tried various things-- went to bed at 9, woke up at 1-- lay there pretending to sleep-- got up and wrote-- got up and walked around-- one night I watched the entirety of the Master & Commander movie from 2003 on YouTube. Why not! I did remember some of it from 20 years ago, how funny.

(My dad liked that movie. His favorite thing to do during movies was to quibble about historical inaccuracies. But this movie had so much fanservice for reenactors in it that he was quietly delighted. His quibble was that the violin and cello duets were too good, they should've recorded amateurs. He had a point.)

Anyway. I was researching various methods of helping one sleep-- the only one at my disposal was weed gummies and I spent one very miserable night just lying there high and bored and not sleeping and wasn't totally sober when morning came and that fucking sucked. I commute on foot or I never would have risked it, but being very slightly still high and exhausted and trying to do repetitive physical work was really, really dispiriting.

but we got everything done. In the end. And I left. And once I got home I went to sleep and I have not had really any appreciable trouble sleeping since. I can even nap, sometimes!

Heck.

One of the things I'd meant to take care of while I was at the farm was that of course on my birthday, my fucking driver's license expired. On the one hand, thank you DMV, it used to be that everyone's license expired on the same day, so you'd have to go wait in massive lines to get it dealt with. Now it's... not evenly distributed exactly, because people's birthdays are a random distribution, but it's a perfectly logical and reasonable way to organize expiration dates. But it meant that in the midst of this exhausting miserable stint of work when I didn't have time to do anything really fun for my birthday (don't cry for me, my mom made me a cake and my BIL bought me ice cream treats) I also was consumed with angst about needing to renew my license. i was so sure they'd yell at me because I hadn't renewed before it expired-- but they wanted me to do an eye test, and I could not, could not coordinate that, I'm overdue for an optometrist appointment by several years and I just could not fucking make it happen.

So I went to the DMV yesterday and was like "i both want to renew this license and upgrade it to the enhanced version since that will be required for planes soon" and they were like "we need both your passport and your social security card and two proofs of residency." and i was like you need the social security card and proof of residency to get the passport. and they were like yeah but we need all four things too. so I went back home with the form and found the various necessary proofs, but then I was able to make an appointment to go back. Great!

(They say, "make an appointment online!" but if you look up the DMV website there's nowhere to do it, and if you go to the website of that branch of the DMV there's nowhere to do it. Want to know why? Because it's not through the DMV it is through the county clerk's office. Now U Know: Go to the county clerk's office and navigate to their section on the DMV. It's separate! Who fuckin knew! Now you do! [In my case this was erie.gov because that is my county, but it may vary for you and if you are not in new york state i have no advice for you.]

All having an appointment means is that you are in a separate queue to be seen, which is likely faster than the general pool but may not be. Still, I thought it was a good idea.

And then it was early for my appointment and I was getting my shit together and I had my social security card and an old W-2 with my address and social security number and my old license with my address on it and for some reason I thought I could use my checkbook but that's not what they mean by a cancelled check but whatever. I had just a random pile of shit. And

where was my passport

where is my passport?

i'd had it in my pocket but i was sure i'd removed it from the pocket and put it into my purse. but it wasn't in my purse. "did you see it inside the house," asks dude patiently, who also is prone to losing shit and who knows me very well. "I don't know," I have to answer. "I remember putting it in my purse and it isn't there." I search the place I put my purse a thousand times, I go through the desk where I was sitting to collect the other proofs but i knew, I knew I had not brought it in there. Time is slipping away, I will miss my appointment. God time is slipping away and I can't find the thing. I ransack the house. I finally run out to the car, did I leave it on the seat in the car? It is not in the car.

In desperation, as it is fully time to leave the house and I will be late if I don't, I gather up all my other papers and go out to the car. "I will just go," I say, "and ask them, did they find it, because that is the last place I am absolutely sure I had it." Because the woman had looked at it to see if I had my social security card between the pages. And she'd handed it back to me. But my memory is such that the rest of what I did is not certain; I remember taking it, I remember putting it into my pocket, but this might be a story I am telling myself. This is the way in which I am a very good liar, because I do not remember things very well, and my well-honed abilities as a storyteller mean I am very, very good at instantly constructing what it would make the most sense to have done, and telling that story even to myself. But. here's the horrible truth: i don't know if it really happened that way. Many things I have witnessed, important things, I remember the story of but I'm not entirely certain they happened that way. Any story I tell may be fictionalized, and I usually dont' know it.

So anyway.

Got out to my car and there on the ground in the road (I am parked in the street) there is my passport lying next to the driver's side door of the car. When I had checked the car earlier, I had only gone to the near side, the passenger side, and looked in the window. It had never occurred to me that my memory of putting it into my purse might have been me just setting it on my purse and it not going in, which is clearly one hundred percent what happened.

So that was. A fucking wild ride, and I did not cry but only because I was too overwhelmed. I made it to the appointment and I could not hear the very nice clerk very well so I kept nodding at her in blank incomprehension and then not doing what she'd asked me to do. But this is the thing-- if you think of the most brutally competent people on the entire face of the planet Earth you might be tempted to imagine like, IDK, Marines or something, but that would be wrong, it is the clerks at the DMV. They will Get It Done, whatever the fuck it is, and they will NOT put up with your shit, but they will also not be mean to you. They will not usually waste time in smiles or gratuitous displays of humanity, but they are never cruel, they are implacable and pitiless but they are fair and they will help you and they will not smile about it but they will tell you which option to tick off on the form so that you don't have to pay a bunch of extra money, and they will be understatedly kind if you are frightened, and they will calmly and impassively repeat their instructions until they penetrate your uncomprehending skull, and you will get what you need to get because this is deadly serious and they are the kind of bureaucrat that actually make the world go round. It is not sunshine and rainbows but it will absolutely get done even if it takes months and years.

Anyway there's some kind of divinity in low-level bureaucrats who actually have to talk to frightened people, I tell you what.

The only time my clerk smiled at me was when I didn't hear her and she had to repeat that the screen was asking me if I wanted to register to vote, which is an automatic part of all their transactions. "Oh, no," I said, "I'm already registered," and she said "then press no," and I said "I do really appreciate the reminder though," and she smiled at that.

(They also ask you to enroll as an organ donor. NYS is an opt-in state, and many people just don't opt in; opt-out states have much higher enrollment for obvious reasons. Please opt in unless your religion or beliefs proscribe it! There are never enough organs and your grieving family will almost never remember to opt you in at the moment of extremity. You could save so many lives, and improve so many others. This PSA brought to you by someone who spent the pandemic lockdown in the home of a member of the local hospital's liver transplant team, who was so busy because all the New York hospitals had shut down their transplant facilities in order to turn the ventilators over to Covid patients, so everyone in New York who was getting a liver was getting it in Rochester. From my guy's team. So it was a stressful time. But I am successully re-enrolled as an organ donor. I am quite sure I already was one but the only two options were Yes or No so I checked Yes.)

Anyway I have so much to do and am so burned-out that I'm repeatedly getting stuck staring at things in odd rooms, so. We'll see how this goes. I have five days left to get ready for this trip wish me luck.

#about the author #personal updates

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katyawriteswhump · 5 months ago

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the freak in the penthouse, part 3.2

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve.

On tumblr: Part one Part two Part three.one or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

On AO3

3.2 Who’d wanna hire an asthmatic call-boy?

“You broke your no-music rule,” Steve murmured into Eddie’s ear, arms looping up around Eddie’s neck as they swayed to the unfamiliar rock song.

“My penthouse, my rules.”

“Anything you say, bat-boy.”

“Say what?”

“The tats.” Steve nibbled Eddie’s collarbone. Steve never knew he’d gotten a thing for tattoos, let alone nasty-ass demons and skulls and bats and shit. Last night, however, they’d totally bewitched him, and now… “Fucking delicious, Eddie. I wanna lick every inch of your skin. What d’ya say to that, Sweety-kins?”

"You're goooood, Stevie. I almost believe ya."

Steve peeped up. Eddie poked his tongue out, kinda silly. Joke was, though, Steve genuinely craved it. Jesus, he’d not wanted to actually be with anybody in so damn long. Still, he couldn’t blot out something Robin said earlier, "It’s just another form of Stockholm syndrome, Steve. He's paying you for sex. Don’t go down that spiral."

His tongue scraped up Eddie’s throat, chafed along the line of Eddie’s jaw, finding those lips, plundering that mouth. His fingers glided into Eddie’s hair, twisting, tangling and clinging, while Eddie kissed enthusiastically back.

You know what, Robin—I’ll spiral if I gotta, because he’s still the best thing that’s happened to me in years. Who cares about being thrown away with the trash tomorrow, when you’re already three-fifty in profit, and Christ knows… heck, YOU know… I need the money.

They wound up naked in the foamy plunge pool. Steve sprawled on top of Eddie, taking Eddie’s face in his hands as he basically sucked it off. When they broke for air, Steve mumbled, “You lied, man. It’s not big enough to swim in.”

“Seen bigger, huh?” panted Eddie.

Well, duh! I used to have my own swimming pool ten times this size.

He wedged his hand between Eddie's thighs. “Depends what we’re talking about.”

“Bet you say that to all the dames.”

“Nah. Just you.”

They kissed again, splashed about and grappled, till Eddie landed on top, pinning Steve beneath him. Eddie was insane levels of adorable with his hair flattened like a wet pup, rendering those kind chocolate eyes stupid-huge. He’d gotten soap suds everywhere, including on the tip of his nose, from where Steve—awkwardly gyrating his dick against Eddie’s from beneath—began licking it off.

Bad move.

The shitty suds caught in his throat, and he started to cough. Uuuuuurgh! Why today? WHY NOW? Whose dumbass idea was the hot-tub?

Oh yeah. Mine.

He squirmed out from under Eddie and turned away to gather himself, leaning on the side of the pool.

Eddie’s gentle hand on his shoulder startled him: “Hey, take it easy. You okay?”

“Yeah… Jesus, I’m fine. Fucking stupid bubbles.” He swallowed hard, blinked to clear the moisture from his eyes. “Where were we?”

Eddie leaned back, his arms spread along the back of the tub, his legs floating and his hips elevated. His dick bobbed needily on the bubbly surface of the tub, and the hopeful smile on his face said it all.

He wanted Steve to blow him.

Which wasn’t a problem. Christ, choking on soap suds shouldn’t trigger an attack or anything. On the other hand, it had unsettled Steve. And ordering his prevention meds wasn’t the same as taking them.

Screw it, though. He’d muscle through. He usually did.

He glided between Eddie’s legs, knees on the bottom of the tub, water lapping his chin as he nuzzled into the hair above Eddie’s dick. He focussed on Eddie’s little grunts, the way he jerked his hips up, his dick beating ripples across the surface. Steve slid his lips over Eddie’s cockhead, and Eddie instantly pressed toward Steve’s throat. Steve’s lower lip was already on the water line, the water splashing into his face, stinging his eyes.

You can do this.

He swallowed Eddie’s shaft deep, which went badly, as it somehow forced more suds up his nose.

Crap! No, you moron. You really can’t fucking do this.

He slid his lips free, gasped, coughed then goddamn wheezed. What’s wrong with you tonight? You total, pathetic loser!

“Steve?” Eddie’s formerly blissed-out eyes stretched wide. “You okay? You need some water?”

“No. M’fine.” Eddie was coming at him, tentatively reaching for him. Steve gathered the strength to shove him back, thudded his own chest, then slid his hand to his ass. He’d prepped before coming in, in case Eddie hadn’t been in the mood for slow and sweet tonight. Plus, he was wet and soapy.

This was still gonna hurt, mind. But if he couldn’t give a blowjob without flaking out and freaking like a pussy, he’d not got much choice.

Eddie still looked worried. “You sure you’re fine?”

“Never better,” purred Steve. “Look, sorry about that. Gonna treat you so good, Eddie Munson, your cock’s gonna wanna pay rent on my ass by the year.”

“Huh?”

THAT WAS THE SHITTEST LINE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER!

“Just relax, Eddie-babes. Gonna ride you to fucking heaven and back.”

Steve rolled the condom onto Eddie’s erection himself this time. He awkwardly straddled Eddie’s lap, lined himself up, gritted his teeth. With his top-draw ‘I-love-how-you-hurt-me’ cry, he impaled himself to the hilt on Eddie’s cock and started riding him like a cowgirl.

Yeah, it hurt. Always did, taking somebody so quick, so deep, with gravity definitely not his friend. He grinded away at Eddie, already feeling that dull gnawing ache in his back that wouldn’t fade for hours, and—

“Steve? You… uh… uh… fuck, yeah… You s-sure you’re okay?”

“Fine!”

Eddie looked slightly anxious, which was totally not what Steve was going for. Then he realized why.

Eddie was staring at Steve’s dick.

Steve’s totally soft dick.

A strange embarrassment shot through Steve, even as he kept riding Eddie, arms aching as he levered himself up and down. His hard labor was paying off, though. Eddie’s eyes rolled upward:

“Stevie, uh… uh… Yes… Oh my God… yessss… b-but… Hey, let me, okay?”

Steve’s arms almost buckled in bewilderment. Most Johns hadn’t given a damn if Steve came or not. Most hadn’t even given a damn if he was literally choking on their cock, unless teeth became an issue.

Eddie, however, grasped Steve’s dick and began to frisk it: “Jesus… Eddie… Yes… Wow.”

Eddie proved pretty skilled in the hand-job department, emphasising the upstroke—always the best part for Steve—pausing only to chafe his thumb across Steve’s super-sensitive slit. Eddie’s awesomeness soon outweighed Steve’s discomfort, coaxing him into full-on erection, until…

“Oh shiiiiiit, yes, Eddieeeeee!”

“Come for me, Sweetheart… Jesus, you’re too good. Too good for meeeee…. Fuuuuuuck!”

Steve’s frantic gaze locked tight on Eddie’s and he streaked messily across Eddie’s tattooed chest. Almost simultaneously, Eddie peaked too, buried deep up Steve’s ass. After that, Steve’s arms really did give way. He slid off Eddie and flopped forward, totally dizzied. It was hard enough coping with a strenuous cowgirl session coupled with the challenges of a pool. Dealing with the aftermath of his own orgasm on top of that?

Too damn much. Too damn good.

He snuggled bonelessly, his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck. Cool water lapped his chest. God, how had Eddie managed to transform a scary nightmare of a session into something Steve actually enjoyed?

I guess they all have their weird kinks. He’ll turn out like half the others and want to slap you around tomorrow.

It was hard to believe, though, especially as Eddie whispered: “You did so good, Stevie. You’re sooooo good to me.”

“You really are a freak, you know that?” said Steve.

Chapter 4 on AO3

Chapter 4.1 on tumblr

...

On tumblr: Part one Part two Part three.one or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

Likes reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie fic #steve harrington whump #top eddie munson #bottom steve harrington #thefreakinthepenthouse

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harusaki-hugo · 1 year ago

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Siblings HCs: Baji Edition

Fandom:Tokyo Revengers+Genshin Impact

Plot: What it's like being Tokyo Revengers younger/older siblings

Note: I'M BORED AND I KEEP HAVING IDEA.

Being Baji younger sister/with klee personality:

You like ten (10) in this Hcs, so you have like five (5) year age gap with Baji.

Just like Keisuke, you have black hair, and big doe eyes which is Keisuke weakness and you also have baby fangs just like your brother! You are just the cutest in the Baji family.

A ball of sunshine you are. opposite of Keisuke, like you just the cutest and brightest kid that steals everyone's heart with one smile.

Sometimes Mikey wonders if you are Keisuke's sister because of your endless kindness and happiness that you are willing to share with everyone.

But, he can see why you are Keisuke's sister. You both are arsonists.

While Keisuke burns the car when he's hungry. You burn cars for fun. like you have a certain fascination with burning things, like fireworks or even making a mini safe bomb, which is impressive considering your age.

The smartest in the family. You can easily skip a grade if it's not because of your childish personality. like you are sometimes the one who teaches Keisuke and you are just in elementary grade.

You love everyone. Everyone in your eyes is the best.

Big Brother is the best, Mikey the best, Emma the best, heck even Draken is the best.

Shinichiro is the weird grownup. Why is he always smoking? Is that why he is still single? Let's just say you see him crying.

Keisuke always tries to be the best brother example for you, he tries so hard not to start a fight when you are around. keeping his temper in front of you and heck, he even shares his yakisoba with you because you are his ✨fav✨ sister.

Brings you together to 🔥burn🔥some car with him when you are both hungry, Don't worry it's some old used cars.

Bonus:-

You give every single one of your friends a toy you call Jumpy Dumpty and make them keep it close to them.

Unknown to them it's an invention you make that explodes if something happens to the owner.

Basically, when Kazutora is about to unalive Shinichiro, that toy he keeps in his shop explodes, and no it's not that 💣 explosion 💥 It's just a flash bang that blinds someone for like a minute.

And behold, you save shinichiro.

And Mama Baji has to ground you for making something dangerous. which also means Keisuke accompanies you in a special room for you.

Valhalla Arc;-

You just want to find your big brother because you are bored and Mama Baji like busy so when you hear that Toman is fighting some gang you though he going to be there.

You just straight up sitting between Ran and Rindou, the two like "Whose kid is this?" While Rindou a bit worried about you, ran straight up ✨ befriend ✨ you, like you two now besties.

Fast forward to Kazutora about to go apeshit and bright out the knife, you bring out your 💥bomb💥

Imagine Kazutora seeing a familiar toy being thrown in front of him and he like, "Oh shi-"

Straight up explosion, not a flash bang this time. pure explosion, a loud one and you can see the smoke and things.

Like someone just throw a grenade.

Ran and rindou look at you like 😮 , "Kid, wtf-"

Keisuke having a panic attack because his sister is there and he never once brings you to any gang fights.

OG Toman is yelling and screaming in pure horror when they see you because one; you there sitting with their future enemies and two; you holding another bomb ready to throw it.

But thanks to you, the fight ended without anyone getting killed.

This is much longer than I expected...

Request open. pls, send me something. anything or I keep doing siblings Hcs.

#tokyo revengers x reader #Tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers #baji keisuke #platonic x reader #matsuno chifuyu #sano manjiro #ken ryuguji #hanagaki takemichi #klee #genshin klee #genshin impact

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daresplaining · 9 months ago

Text

Mattea Murdock, the Daredevil Drummer of Philly

In celebration of the forthcoming new Spider-Punk: Arms Race series (not to mention Hobie stealing scenes in "Across the Spider-Verse" last year), I wanted to finally write up my long-overdue overview post on Mattea Murdock! If you haven't read her introductory run yet, check it out here.

Mattea truly stands on her own in the wide canon of alternate universe DDs. She is a female Daredevil, she is Latina, and she somehow managed to escape Marvel's NYC gravity and base herself in Philadelphia, where she defends its citizens from violence and exploitation. Hobie and his self-styled Spider-Band encounter her in Spider-Punk (2022) #3, when they make a detour to fix the busted Spider-Van. They are all immediately-- and correctly-- impressed.

Mattea: "Yo, Kam!" Hobie: "Wait, you know each other?!" Kamala: "Duh! You think I wouldn't know the Daredevil Drummer of Philly?" Hobie: "You're a drummer too?" Mattea: "Best in town." Hobie: "Oh man, my friend Gwen is a pretty dope drummer too. I think y'all would definitely get along." Mattea: "Hope they're ready to get outplayed by a pretty, blind girl." Spider-Punk vol. 1 #3 by Cody Ziglar, Justin Mason, Jim Charalampidis, and Travis Lanham

I talked a little about her killer character/costume design when she was first introduced (I was a fool; of course she's blind), and my love for her look has only grown. It's badass, distinctive, and it slots her beautifully into Hobie's punk rock world while still evoking that trademark Daredevil image (red, sticks, pointy bits...). Her irises are red, which is a visual choice I enjoy in more heightened, fantastical DD stories/art styles, and I think it works for Mattea. Heck, I could even imagine them being colored contact lenses she's chosen to wear for the aesthetic. Also, one detail that wasn't in the previews is the fun little laughing devil face on the back of her jacket (I'm not punk rock enough to get the reference if it is one, but it reminds me of Darkdevil):

Of course, always a big priority for me is Daredevil's power-set, and Mattea provides a quick primer on her unique perspective, mostly focused on hearing and the radar sense:

Mattea: "What? You think just 'cause I'm a blind girl, I can't see? Echolocation, my abuelas used to call it. But it's more intimate. Instinctual. Can hear a kick drum from ten blocks away. Can see it too. If I think hard enough, I can even see what the garage it's being played in looks like." Hobie: "Yo, are you doing it right now?" Riri: "She's definitely doing it right now."

This is not my favorite description of Daredevil's powers, nor-- to be honest-- a particularly informative one. She can gather spatial information through walls...from ten blocks away? I also never love an overuse of visual language in any explanation of these powers, especially as it's implied that Mattea, like Matt, is completely blind. Surprisingly, no direct mention is made here of the hypersenses as a whole, beyond the reference to hearing a kick drum from ten blocks away. Even her hearing doesn't receive that much attention in the story overall, which feels like a missed opportunity for such a musical character. Her blindness, too, is pretty much irrelevant to the story, and never comes up again. But I do LOVE that she uses the term "echolocation", though is still very clearly the radar sense, in all its vague, undefined, semi-magic glory.

And visually? This is great. I'm always a fan of the cross-hatching visual, especially against a black background, and artist Justin Mason doesn't go too overboard on the detail, which is another preference of mine. And thematically, I love the ways in which Mattea's drummer identity is tied into her superheroics-- not just for laying a beatdown on bad guys, but also for channelling and enhancing her echolocation/radar sense. One of my favorite scenes in the comic is when she plays a drum solo on a roof edge to scope out the Kingpin's lair. I'm willing, in that moment, to ignore any gripes about radar sense irregularities out of respect for the coolness and thematic heft of the concept. I mean, this rocks:

Mattea: "Come on, show me the good stuff."

At the end of the day, though, this is not a Daredevil comic and Mattea is not the main character. Plus, it's only five issues long, and introduces a bunch of other new characters as well. There was only ever going to be room for the creative team to offer a cursory introduction, hopefully generating enough interest to prompt these characters to appear again in other comics. In that, I think they fully succeeded with Mattea; we get a cursory sense of her powers (or at least, enough to show that they're the normal DD set), her personality (delightfully cocky, playful, tough, fearless), a few hints of her backstory, and some truly kickass fight scenes. There's a bit of suspension of disbelief required to believe she can use drumsticks as a stand-in for billy clubs (unless her drumsticks are made of something really hefty-- and hey, maybe they are), but this is Spider-Punk. Hobie killed Norman Osborn with a guitar--twice. It's not about realism, it's about style.

Mattea: "Been waiting for this for a long time, Fisk. Real long time." Fisk: "I'm going to break you, li'l girl--AWGGH!" Mattea: "Big, strong man who sends out his band of wackos to push over people too weak to fight back." Fisk: "Wouldn't get too cocky, girlie...you're not the only one who's fast! I'm gonna hurt ya. A lot. Then I'm gonna kill ya. And I'm gonna love every second of it. You know, this is the same look you had when I had your old band clapped a few years back. I like it. Brings out your eyes--GAAAH!" Mattea: "There's something you need to understand about me, papi. I'm not the kinda girl who goes down without a fight."

I can't wait to see more of Mattea and learn more about her, her world, her friends, and her enemies. In particular, she seems to have a history (possibly romantic?) with this world's Kamala Khan, and I would love to see more of that relationship. While Mattea Murdock clearly has a lot in common with Matt Murdock, she also seems happy to be a team player, unlike Matt, and I really enjoy that. Though I guess it's not that surprising a distinction. After all, every drummer needs a band.

#Spider-Punk vol. 1 #Daredevil #Mattea Murdock #Spider-Punk #Hobie Brown #Spider-Band #Commentary #ID in alt text

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xuchiya · 4 months ago

Text

"undercover!" || choi jongho

| genre: fluff. a little bit of angst. investigator! jongho. | mentions: guns. knife. drugs. missing people.

When Jongho said about wanting to give him a much more challenging case, he was not expecting himself to be in a car chase so immediately. his right hand was gripping the hand grip on top of the passenger seat as the other held on to his seat, scared it might flew out of the window as you steered away from the other vehicles.

"can you just ... call the police instead?!" Hunter yelped, putting each seatbelts he sees on the backseat around him as he watches the car glide so fast that it's nauseous each time he stares outside. As the car drifted to the right causing the car to tilt to its side before banging as it gained its momentum.

You gave him a quick glance, a small smirk on your cherry red lips, "sweetheart ... We are the police."

Just an hour before, heck jongho is panicking internally how everything unfolds so quickly in just 60 minutes. From entering what supposed to be an ambush to take down the ex-mafia to being rescued by the ex-mafia. Jongho had declared that he had been working in the investigatory department for 4 years and the cases he had closed were easy (though to which he received much hate from his other colleagues for being “arrogant”) and wanted more challenging cases.

To which his higher-ups felt like they were answered by heaven and gave them the case that it is not easy to solve but dangerous. Jongho is quite unbaffled by the thought of giving him the dangerous case, they called, to which he did not find it that … perilous.

That is until he drops himself off to a hazard zone warehouse. It used to be a factory of children’s toys but due to the hazard chemicals mixed or materials used in creating it, it was shut down and now being used by gang members or mafias to do trading.

“Uhm~ hyung are you sure we're supposed to be here? I mean that is written in the paper but we can’t just go here and—” Hunter, one of his dongsaeng in work, flinches from the loud clang of the bolt cutter and the chains dropping to the ground. He spoke shakily as they stood in front of a rusty warehouse. Jongho glanced at him, giving him the bolt cutter.

Jongo lets out an airy laugh, opening one button of his coat before shaking his head, “Hunter it will be okay besides, if we want to know what is happening in this case, we have to start from the very beginning.” When Jongho opened the doors of the warehouse, they were greeted by not only one.

Not two. Nor three.

But ten armed men, pointing their guns on them. Hunter would be fainting any second if it wasn’t for his senior to wake him up by snatching his own gun and pointing at them. Hunter takes his own armed gun and points it at these men.

“This is the Seoul police department, put the guns down!” Jongho yelled. Hunter stuck his back to him as they were being surrounded each second, “You all are trespassing on private property!” Hunter shouted, trying to keep his voice steady despite the tension happening. “Drop your weapons and surrender peacefully!”

One of the armed men, clearly the leader, stepped forward with a sneer. “Enough games ! No one knows about this place so drop the act and call your boss.”

Jongho and Hunter side glance one another, not picking up the point of the armed man. “We don’t want this to end in bloodshed. Just put down your weapons, and we can resolve this without anyone getting hurt.”

“You’re outnumbered and outgunned. You really think you stand a chance?”

Just then, a voice— a female voice crackled through the entire warehouse, “They do.” a small dark green grenade rolled between the legs of the armed men. Jongho saw it and went to cover Hunter as the entire place blasted but in smoke. Jongho coughs, covering his mouth and nose with his arm, not being able to see well with the thickness of the smoke.

But even amidst it, Jongho heard the thump of boots and moaned in pain. When the coast cleared, all ten armed men lay on the floor bruised, passed out and some were groaning, clenching their stab wounds.

What they heard earlier was a woman. Black long coat with thick boots, short gelled hair pushed back that looks like a sleek woman. Her presence looks so elegant and dangerous. She was holding the man's head before punching him on the nose.

“Boss will find you.” You chuckle, taking your red Dior lipstick out, applying on your lips before trudging outside, heels thumping inside the warehouse, you chuckle looking over your shoulders, “Not until he catches me first, toddles Joe~!”

Jongho was slightly overwhelmed with the sudden turn of the situation. He blinks, glancing at the fallen armed men before turning to the woman walking; chasing after her with his gun pointing at her, “Freeze! This is the Seoul Police—”

You spun around, raising your eyebrow at Jongho. Your presence surprised Jongho, he was not expecting a woman— heck more than a woman, you look so powerful, elegant and independent with your hair pushed back like that. Your red cherry lips made you fierce.

“The SPD, I know sweetheart, you got’ta make it more easy to say than blubbering. It ruins the vibe.” Jongho didn’t flinch, kept pointing the gun to her, you rolled your eyes, leaning on one hip, “I just did your job. I’m not your enemy here.”

“But you trespass this property and that makes you also a person of interest in this scene!”

“What? Missing people? Kidnapped since September 2022? I know all of them, they did that, not me.” Jongho felt as if he was being played right now. Who is this woman? How did she know? Why was she here in the first place?

“Look here—” It was your sharp eyes that saw his name on the badge inside his coat, “—Officer Choi, as much as I am still “helping” you with this case, might as well try to arrest one of them before your fellow got hurt.” Right on queue, you and Jongho heard gunshots inside the warehouse.

Jongho’s breath hitch, eyes shrinking in horror, dropping his gun, inserting it back in his holster, “Hunter!”

You were contemplating chasing after them but then, who are they anyway? Just another investigator snooping in the case to which you find it annoying as your tip never went on the right person or if it does, it is dumb enough to understand.

So with a sharp exhale, you spun on your heel, walking away from the scene.

“Hunter!” The warehouse becomes a bloodshed place, shocking Jongho to the core. His head whipped to the side, “Hunter! Gahd dammit!”

“Hyung!” His head went almost 180 when he heard his cries, Jongho rushed towards one of the boxes and saw Hunter holding a man down, bleeding on his side. Hunter his breath shakes as he looks up to his senior, “T-There was a new group, killing all of them. It probably meant for them to be cleaned up since we caught them.”

Jongho squats down, removing his hand on the man’s bleeding side to which Hunter exclaims, “No hyung! We-We can still save him– Please he must have a family—”

“Hunter, he’s dead.” Looking down, Hunter exhales seeing the man’s eyes were drained of life. His body had turned cold and much more blood had run out.

“Even if we take him to the hospital, he will die from blood loss. And if he did live, it would still be in vain since he will meet the same fate as the others.” Jongho spoke softly. Hunter shakes his head, “This is such a cruel world.”

Jongho sighs, giving him a handkerchief, “This is the real world, Hunt. You have to accept this is what has become and this is why we are here. To bring justice to them, even if they did the opposite.”

You were honestly not yourself after seeing the investigator. His chubby cheeks that made him look like a cute grizzly bear pulled you close to him that even if it wasn’t your place to be in their case, you found yourself pulling up when the mafia leader came in bursting through the doors after he found out that you were still there and saw the two investigators inside the warehouse.

As planned by the mafia leader, “Leave traces.” His men chased after them. And here they were, inside your car being chased down by a mafia leader.

“I think I’m gonna puke.” Jongho turned to Hunter, horrified, “Hunter dude, please.”

“Not kidding hyung!”

“Here!” You threw him a plastic bag to which he immediately opens it and hurls. Jongho exhales, cheek puffed as he apologizes to you, “He doesn’t take on roller coaster rides.”

You threw him a playful gaze, “Figures.”

It was when your car pulled up to an alleyway, your car fitting perfectly on the small shallow space of the two apartments. You shut down the engine, turning off everything before rolling down the window, turning to them both, “I know you’re both curious but I can always serve you guys some tea.”

Hunter and Jongho once again, glance at one another. Meeting an ex-mafia is like meeting the second lead in a drama. Jongho was not expecting them to be the main in your messed up life either. As you poured tea in his cup while Hunter had his eyes roaming the shabby space. The small table that had a few chairs while you sat down on your worn out bed, on the foot was just a table and a radio. It is a studio apartment after all.

Jongho eyed Hunter, “Dude, behave.” Hunter heard yet it went past the other ear, “Yeah .. Yeah I won’t.” You chuckle, “Sweetheart there’s nothing much here.”

You sigh, returning your gaze on Jongo who is waiting for you to say, “I retired from the mafia world 4 months ago.” You started, your coat hanging on the rack revealing you in a corset vest and flare black pants, showing off your curves. Sitting down, you threw one leg onto the other, “Those men chasing you? They were my old buddies.”

Hunter gulps down the tea, feeling his entire organs calming down, “If they were, why were they trying to kill you?”

You shrug, not really knowing about their intentions, “Someone said I tip them off to the police after I resigned since I left with a total of 500 of them working with illegal drugs and then when I received from my old assistant, there were at least 300 of them and lower and lower everyday.”

“Total? You mean there were many of them in that place?” Jongho asks, hands on the cup, shaking his head, “Total means that I have calculated that there were hundreds of them working in different places.”

“Like?”

“In Jeju, at least 100?, In Busan about 50 above but the majority of it is here in Seoul, at least 250 were active but since I have resigned, many must have fled.”

Hunter glances at you then around the place. Jongho picks up Hunter's aura and his body language, looking at you, “You spoke about that man being your buddy? Is he still selling drugs?”

“I guess but I haven’t tried many ways to contact my assistant without compromising them.”

“Because their technology advances each time they trade drugs and earn money to buy equipment.” Hunter spoke. You glance at him, his eyes still roaming your shabby apartment, nodding slowly. “Yeah, that would answer his question … how did you know?” Hunter finished his exhibition in the room, “You’re an undercover agent.”

You frowned, slightly taken back before turning to Hunter, who is looking at you, head tilted to the side. You set a breathy laugh, “Sweetheart, finish your tea and you can take a rest there—”

“Your secretary is the receptionist downstairs. She spoke about your room being cleaned by one of the staff and encrypted those words saying that you are safe and that those guys are no longer following us and had lost sight of our car. Your car? It went from a small beetle to a Mercedes 300i, it was sleek when you turned the corner, when I said I’m getting sick and looked at the side mirrors to see it was different.”

“You are an undercover agent. You already gave yourself off when you met us in the warehouse.” You crossed your arm, “And how?”

“Your lipstick. It had the SPD’s logo on the cover.” Jongho pulled out the lipstick and it clattered on the table. Jongho smirks, finishing the rest of his tea before leaning backwards on his chair. “Great job Hunter.”

Hunter chuckles, “No problem hyung ~”

You were not expecting this at all, your true identity being revealed so easily with just a simple examination of your room and you were dumb at the thought of your lipstick falling off your jacket.

Since they have revealed your identity and intention, you no longer have to pretend. You sigh, uncrossing your arms as you stand up. Taking the lipstick in your hand, pocketing them.

“I like you.” You spoke, ruffling his hair before turning to Jongho, raising an eyebrow, “He’s brains and you?”

Jongho pokes his tongue on the inside of his cheek, “You’ll know if you agree to help us.”

You set off a chuckle, “Am I not?” You pushed a button underneath your table, the table shifted causing Jongho and Hunter to hold on to them. The floor opened like a mouth but in circular motion. You sat on top of the table, “The man called Fred. He has been a mafia leader for the past 8 years. He had kidnapped at least 150 people a year.” The table went down like an elevator, engulfed in small lights before they were met in a much different room.

It is very elegant and smells like an expensive living room. The table changes from a wooden table to a matte looking square table while being enshroud with a mini stairs. The small kitchen turned into a bar with few stools. A projector came out showing a map of Seoul. Standing up, you marched towards the island of Jeju, “Like I mentioned, this place was active when I resigned.”

Jongho stands up as well, “Our department had already shut down this place.” You nodded, “I heard but it is still active after mingling with your chief. It may look close but there are still people inside.”

“Missing people?”

“They’re victims, kidnapped people.” Jongho nodded. Hunter exhales, “But why is the paper said otherwise.”

You turn to him, “What papers?”

Jongho sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose, “The reports. Now we know why they can’t finish this case. They’re involved after all!”

You hum, looking at the map before someone enters the room. Mingi, your personal bodyguard, burst into the room when he halted and stared at the two new figures inside your room.

Jongho stared at Mingi up and down, “What? Mingi-hyung?” You gaze at Jongho then towards Mingi who you beckon to give you the reports you requested, “He’s been in my care.”

Jongho stared at the tall man, who flinched under his blazing eyes, “Man! I thought you resigned because you were being abused by our chief and you just resigned because you work here all along?! We have been doing cases for so long and you never mention anything! I thought we're brothers!”

“He-Hey man, we are…” Mingi raised his hand up like in 'surrender' before turning to you. Mingi gave you the report. You skimmed the first page, your frown deepens. The more you flip, the more worrisome it becomes. Jongho glances at you, crossing his arms, "It better hope to be good news because we're losing each second and these people are either being tortured, or they are being kidnapped right now."

You scoffed, not liking how his attitude had drastically changed over the moments you have been investigating about the case. Hunter stares at the map, taking a step closer. The projector zoomed in and showed the buildings. It showed a lot of missing people, and some were found dead, others were not. He frowns, staring at the map.

There are only a few who were reported about the missing cases of these people plus the bank transfers. You stare at the name of the paper and the dates when the missing people were last seen and the transactions. Some were found in the same building and others were not. But something catches your eye, something that the other investigators might have missed. Hunter turns his attention on the map, squinting his eyes. He turns to you, pointing at the map, "This is the location."

You nodded, "But this could also mean that Joe— his new boss probably must have tracked down my last scene and is on the act.”

“They must still be active.” Mingi intervenes, clearing his throat, “If I may interrupt but from what Kia had tracked down but apparently Sebastian— the new boss.” Mingi turned to you to which you nodded, crossing your arms, “He is apparently holding a grand ball to expand more of their “business” and they invited your chiefs too.”

Mingi said, pointing at Jongho and Hunter. He then looked at you, “Kia can go further but her IP has been blocked but thankfully it's a burner one and no one is able to locate her.” You nodded, throwing the report on the table. It had been a while since you were on act.

“You should go for the grand ball.” Everyone’s eyes darted to Hunter. Jongho turned to Hunter with a furrowed brow, "Are you serious? These people are dangerous, and we’re already walking on thin ice.”

Hunter met Jongho's gaze, his determination unwavering. "Yes, hyung. It's our best shot to get inside and gather intel without raising too many suspicions." You leaned back, crossing your arms as you observed the exchange. "He's right. This grand ball could be our chance to find out more about their operations and who's really pulling the strings."

Jongho huffed, rubbing his temples. "Fine, but this doesn't mean I'm thrilled about this plan."

"Good," you interjected, "because you'll need to be sharp. Sebastian won't let just anyone into his circle, so you'll need to play your roles perfectly." You groan, walking towards the bar, pulling out your all-nighter drink and pouring yourself on a shot glass, “Sebastian is one tight man. He grips his reign and it won’t be easy to push him off his ride.”

The room fell into a tense silence as everyone processed the gravity of the situation. Mingi shifted uncomfortably, sensing the growing tension between Jongho and you.

Jongho’s frustration bubbled to the surface. "Why should we trust you? An ex-mafia? Are you kidding me? You were part of them, and now you're suddenly helping us? What's your angle?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling your own temper rise, your head tilting to the side. Mingi notices your change of attitude, he walks towards you to which you raise your hand to halt in his step. Placing your shot glass down with a loud thud, almost breaking the glass.

"I was. I was a mafia because I took down my father’s business after he resigned. Being next in line I have to be part of the throne. And because of the overflowing illegal, my higher-ups were soon seeing the limelight and I was scared!”

You didn’t notice you were face to face with him, breathing heavily as the thought of multiple gunshots echoing your ears just to take down a few leaders “And I have to take care of it. I've risked my life to gather this information and help you. If you can't see that, then maybe you're not cut out for this case after all."

Jongho slammed his hand on the table, startling Hunter and Mingi. "Don't question my dedication! I've been in this department for years, closing cases and putting criminals behind bars. I don't need a lecture from someone who couldn't even decide which side they're on."

Hunter stood between you two, trying to diffuse the situation. "Hyung, we need to stay focused. This is bigger than any of us individually."

You took a deep breath, reigning in your anger. "Hunter’s right. We need to work together if we want to bring down Sebastian and his entire operation."

Jongho's jaw tightened, but he nodded reluctantly. "Fine. But if you pull anything, I won't hesitate to take you down."

You smirked, the tension easing slightly. "I wouldn't expect anything less, officer."

You were still agitated with Jongho’s sudden burst of accusations at you. You were offended, yes you would be because you were a mafia— ex mafia but you deserve the position you have right now and been serving justice to those who needed it after being used and abused during the era of your father. You despised his business, so you took advantage of what you have in your hands.

After hours of preparation, you were able to snatch an invitation card and sneak in. Hunter and the rest of the team sit in a dimly lit surveillance van, eyes glued to the multiple screens in front of them, Mingi on standby outside the van casually looking around. Each screen displayed a different angle of the grand ball, the opulent event filled with Seoul’s elite and underworld figures alike. Hunter's fingers flew across the keyboard, keeping tabs on your location through a small camera hidden in your earring.

"You got this," Hunter muttered under his breath, adjusting his earpiece. "Keep calm and follow the plan."

Inside the grand ballroom, you made your entrance. Your dress was a masterpiece of design—a floor-length, deep emerald gown that shimmered with every step you took. The fabric clung to your curves before flowing out in a graceful train. The neckline was elegant, plunging just enough to be daring but not overly revealing. Your hair was styled in loose waves, cascading down your back, and a pair of diamond earrings completed the ensemble.

Jongho, stationed discreetly near the entrance, caught sight of you. For a moment, he was speechless, his usual professional demeanour faltering. You look beautiful. Stunning, even. He keeps reminding himself that you were the undercover agent everyone is talking about back inside the office yet he didn’t give any attention as he is busy getting himself more cases and cases to prove himself worth and to give him a better work or harder cases.

He felt a strange mixture of admiration and protectiveness wash over him, a sensation he wasn’t used to in his line of work.

And the guilt inside stirring like a pot of hot soup inside his stomach. He grimaced the look that keeps flashing in his head on how awful he felt when he accused you when all you are doing is your job.

As you glided through the room, you made small talk with various guests, your eyes always scanning for Sebastian. The atmosphere was filled with the hum of conversation, the clinking of glasses, and the soft strains of classical music.

“Stay focused,” Hunter’s voice came through your earpiece, grounding you. “Sebsatian is in the VIP section with the rest of the party, it’s on the east side of the bar.”

You hum, smiling at the man that you were talking to before walking away. You followed what Hunter said and let yourself walk in like you were part of the VIP. Just as you were nearing the VIP section where Sebastian was likely holding court, you noticed a few men in dark suits moving in your direction. They were too coordinated, too intent on their target—you.

Your heart began to race. Panic started to creep in, but you kept your face composed, trying to maintain your cover. You quickened your pace, hoping to lose them in the crowd.

Suddenly, you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist, pulling you into an alcove. A coat covering the two of you as you notice a couple of feet fleeing away from the two of you. Instinctively, you prepared to defend yourself, your fist ready to strike.

“Easy, it’s me,” Jongho whispered urgently, his grip firm yet reassuring. You relaxed slightly, recognizing his voice. Your eyes met his, and for a moment, the chaos around you faded. Jongho’s gaze was intense, a mix of concern and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low but steady.

You nodded, your pulse gradually slowing. “I thought they had me.”

“They have to pass through me first then.” He spoke, while keeping eyes on you. Your breath hitch in the back of your throat, not recognizing the feeling inside your stomach but something Jongho is really familiar with. He had never admitted to anyone about what he feels but right now, he is ready to explode with the right words to you.

“Jongho– we have to get moving.” The grand ball continued in a whirl of elegance and deceit, but your focus remained sharp. With Jongho by your side, you both maneuvered through the crowd towards the VIP section, where Sebastian and his entourage were gathered.

"Target in sight," Hunter's voice crackled in your earpiece. "Proceed with caution. We're monitoring everything from here."

As you approached the VIP area, Sebastian's men tried to block your way. Jongho was quick to act, disarming one of the guards with a swift movement and knocking him out with a well-placed punch. You followed suit, using a combination of martial arts and agility to take down another guard.

Sebastian, realizing the commotion, attempted to flee. You and Jongho exchanged a glance, wordlessly agreeing to split up and cut off his escape routes. Jongho took the right flank, while you moved left, weaving through the panicked guests.

In a swift, coordinated effort, you cornered Sebastian near an emergency exit. He was surrounded by his remaining guards, but they were no match for your combined skills. Jongho incapacitated two of them with precise strikes, while you used a concealed taser to neutralize another.

Sebastian, now desperate, pulled out a gun. But before he could even aim, you disarmed him with a quick kick to his wrist, sending the weapon skidding across the floor. Jongho tackled him to the ground, pinning him with a knee to his back.

"You’re under arrest," Jongho stated, securing Sebastian's hands with a pair of cuffs.

The rest of the VIPs, seeing their leader subdued, tried to make a break for it but were swiftly apprehended by the undercover officers who had been strategically positioned around the ballroom. The operation was a resounding success.

Back in the surveillance van, Hunter and the rest of the team cheered, their relief palpable. "Great job, everyone," Hunter said, his voice filled with pride. Looking at Jongho, “You did amazing hyung.”

As the chaos settled and the authorities began processing the arrested criminals, you and Jongho found a moment of quiet outside the grand hall. The night air was cool, a stark contrast to the heated action of moments before. You were talking to one of the chiefs of the undercover department when you noticed him approaching you, you spoke something to the chief before they thanked you and left to speak to other officers.

You sigh, crossing your arms. Jongho chuckles, rubbing the back of his head in awkwardness. Jongho turned to you, his expression sincere. "Look, I was a dick and accusing you when you meant good is really a huge dick move.”

You raised an eyebrow, exhaling sharply, “It is.”

Jongho grimaced, observing how the hairs of your skin stood up as you were exposed in the air with your dress not being able to provide you warmth. Jongho shrugs off his blazer and places it on top of your shoulders, “I owe you an apology. For doubting you and for my behavior earlier. I was wrong."

You gave him a playful smile, easing the tension. "Well, I might forgive you... if you take me on a date first." Jongho chuckled, relief and amusement mingling in his eyes. "Deal. How about dinner tomorrow night?"

"It's a date," you replied, feeling a sense of accomplishment and anticipation.

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