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I Will Shelter You All the Same (Sleep Token IV/Band)

IV hasn't been in the band long, only a few months, but a few things he knew for sure. 

Sleep was real

He was replaceable 

There was something most definitely going on between his bandmates

Read on AO3 here or below

He was well aware there were many before him, and even more aware that he wouldn't be the last. Though in the back of his mind he had always hoped that he would be. They had assured him many times that he was “their Ivy” the last. But isn't that what they said about the previous fours? 

The position seemed to be cursed with a revolving door of guitarists, while the core main three had always remained strong and steadfast. Not only bonded by their position in the band, or their servanthood towards Sleep, but also a deep personal connection. When IV had first moved into the manor they had hid most of it from him; but he was not dumb. Years of observing in the shadows had made him quiet and meek but not unobserving. Soft touches that lasted a little too long, quiet feet padding to the others rooms late at night. That and the fact that III was not a quiet man in any sense of the word, and it seems in many regards. 

IV was sitting on his bed reviewing some tabs when he first heard THAT, muffled through the manor walls but distinct nevertheless. At first he wasn't sure what the gentle knocking at the wall was, a constant and on time. He had almost confused it for II practicing keeping time, as if he would need practice of such a basic skill. Putting the tabs down he leaned into the wall to listen a bit closer. A high pitched whine soon followed the steady beat. IV launched himself away from the wall, his hand meeting his mouth to cover the sound of surprise. He knew the others were close, sure. He even suspected some sort of romantic entanglement between Vessel and II. But the whine was so clearly III and that wall was the one he shared with II. The steady beat began to change in tempo, the sound more clearly heard through the shared wall. The sound increasing, IV frantically began to search through the boxes that still littered his room for his head phones. Putting them tightly over his head, turning the volume as much higher then was probably safe for his ears; IV laid back down onto his bed tabs long forgotten. 

The next morning was quieter than normal. II typically  was up making tea in the kitchen but clearly he had been occupied the night before and had not surfaced. So instead IV set to work warming the kettle, pulling out each of their respective mugs before scanning the fridge for something to make for breakfast. It was fairly empty, a few eggs left over from III’s attempt of baking last week and some thick cut bacon Ves & him had picked up at the local markets; it was enough to make a meal for this morning at least. He got to quick work whisking up the eggs falling deep into thought at the repetitive behavior. 

IV didn't want the others to feel like they had to hide whatever was going on from him. It was clear that their affections went further than long term bandmates, but whatever that was he wasn't sure. If you had asked him yesterday morning he would have bet money on II & Ves being a thing, but this thing with III? He wasn't sure how that played out. IV had been in many bands before Sleep Token and none of them had… slept together the way this one seems to do. Not that he saw anything wrong with that, IV had a gay cousin or two back in his old life. He didn't see anything wrong with that aspect of his band mates relationship, was that what it was? He wasn't sure. IV let out a soft sign at the thought of that, no need to dwell on the past now, especially when his future still felt so up in the air. 

“Morning IV” came out a quiet hum from behind him.

IV had never been so thankful for the cloth masks that Vessel had insisted they wore then he was right now. A dark red blush slashed his face, ran down to his chest, running so warm he swore if II was just a little closer he would have felt it through the fabric. 

Of course he knew it was II that had kept III company the previous night, with his room having the shared wall and the normally early riser absent from his normal morning breakfast duties, it made sense. But logistically knowing this and facing the cause of the sounds he had heard last tonight were too different things entirely. The thump of the bed hitting IV’s wall, the repetitive high pitched whines that quickly became too loud for even headphones to muffle out, and oh god the memory of words shared between the two- IV had to stop he should not be thinking about his band mates like that. 

II moved to the collection of mugs IV had set on the counter earlier that morning, quietly inspecting the content of each. 

“Ves likes one sugar not two” II offhandedly corrected quickly, fishing out the extra cube, throwing it into III’s mug before moving to pour the boiling kettle. 

“Oh” IV simply answered, of course he knew that he was the one that often made their afternoon teas. But it seemed that all common sense had flown out the window this morning; all IV could think about was avoiding the gaze of II just a mere feet away from him. 

Get yourself together. Whatever happened last night was no different then the times in Uni when he had walked in on his roommate or the times on tour with his previous band; when the long weeks away from home would finally catch up on them. It was more common than you would think, to accidentally hear a fellow bandmate late at night going for a covert wank. He had never been this awkward about it then so why was this bothering him so much now?

II eyed IV carefully, “You alright IV?” This time II’s voice was much clearer and closer. 

Pulled from his thoughts IV yanked his head up and back looking straight at his band mate now standing just behind him. 

“Of course II” he added a little laugh at the end 

“Not much of a morning person thats all” It wasn't necessarily a lie, but II had a way of seeing past his band mates bullshit better then anyone else. 

II watched him closely, taking in the details on what very little of his face was visible behind their masks. Squinting his eyes slightly, before giving a small sign and gesturing to the spatula in IV hand. 

“Hand it over, your burning the eggs” 

IV didn't argue quickly, giving up the job to the admittedly, much better cook.

Pouring his and II teas in the meantime before settling down at the table. A calm silence filled the kitchen. 

The smell of food brought the others down. Vessel first, entering the kitchen pulling the arms of his hoodie over his hands, making a beeline straight for the mugs still resting on the kitchen counter before joining IV at the table without a single word. It was best to let him decide when to be perceived in the mornings, he was often up late composing or on rather tough evenings kept awake by dreams from Sleep. They all sat in a comfortable silence as II finished cooking up their meager breakfast, plating portions for each of them. They didn't wait for III as they began their meal together, he was usually the last of them to get up but typically the smell of food and the light morning chatter would drag him out of bed. They had barely begun when the distinct steps of III bouncing down the hallway stairs could be heard from the kitchen. III bursting into the kitchen, hand reaching for the grab the back of II then Vessel chairs leaning down to kiss their respective checks. 

This type of affection wasn't uncommon from III, he was a touchy guy often including IV both on and off stage. But with the memory still fresh in IV’s brain, it began to feel different. If it was just a platonic peak, why hadn't III also kissed his cheek? A strange feeling began to tangle itself in his chest, sneaking up his throat. It was a stupid thought in the first place, why would III want too? He was IV, not Vessel or II. He was there to play guitar and help around the house until he had run his usefulness dry and adventally when he had, they would replace him with another. Just like his previous bands had, just how his ex had, and just as Sleep Token had done before with the other IV’s. He didn't want to think why he wanted III to include him in these moments of intimacy like he did with the others but the thought had been creeping up on him for weeks. All coming to a head with the stupid sounds he heard the night prior. Fuck he couldnt stop thinking about them. 

II watched IV carefully from the other side of the table, while IV had been known to be quiet he was unusually so. Two hands gripping his mug taking slow sips of his tea, meal left untouched with a far away look in his eyes. II knew something was up, and he feared he knew exactly what was on the other man's mind. Turning his attention to III and Vessel he saw the two in a heated discussion about III recent outfit choices during the rituals. III always wanted to express himself more on stage while Vessel wanted little to distract the audience from their worship. An argument that they had had nearly once a week for months. Neither seem to be picking up on the shifting energy coming from their newest guitarist. 

They had been less and less discrete with their relationship as of recently. Testing the waters to see how IV would handle it. Maybe that had been a mistake? He had been respectful so far, not making comments about their flirty comments to each other or how sometimes their actions would push a little past plutonic. But it had been so long since II had been able to be open with his affection to his partners, he had begun to feel pent up. That and the constant teasing from III the previous night had come to a head, and while he relished being with one of his partners again. He also knew they had been careless. IV had clearly heard them; what else would explain the sudden change of personality. Gods, IV wouldn't even look at him. II turned back towards IV when he heard the scratch of their old kitchen chair sliding back. He watched the small man dump the remainder of his tea in the sink, pushing his untouched meal onto III’s plate before silently disappearing through the kitchen door. Vessel stared after him in confusion, half rising out of the chair before II had ushered him back down into his seat. 

“Give him some time, Ves.” A deep look of confusion covered Vessel’s face at II’s words. 

“III spent the night with me last night, things..” 

he paused a second trying to find the right words to explain to the first without making him feel left out.

 “...got a bit carried away. We share a wall…” ending the sentence with a little twist of his wrist hoping he understood what he was getting at. 

“Oh. I see.” Vessel simply said.

It was III who quickly butt in next. Hugging Vessel from behind and nuzzling his check into his neck. “I’m sorry baby, it wasn't like that. I know we said we would step back from those sort of things while IV got more acquainted with us, but it just kinda happened.”

Lifting his hand up to III’s check gently rubbing it Vessel shook his head slightly.

“I’m not mad or upset at you guys. I’m glad you had some time together, it's been too long. I’m just worried it's too soon. Fore was so upset with us when he left and IV has just finished learning the songs. We don't have time to find another replacement before tour.”

Surprisingly it was III that took a scolding tone, “Don’t talk like that Ves. We don't know what he heard and he didn't say anything this morning, right?” Vessel hummed uncommitted in his  response, turning slightly to catch III lips with his own seeking physical comfort from his partner. 

Pulling away after a few moments III continued, “Plus it’s IV, our Ivy. This is not like the others and you know it. Sleep is pleased with this addition Vessel, She wants him here as much as we all do. I can feel it; he belongs here, he belongs with us.”

 Vessel was not used to III chastising him in this manner, he was right of course this IV was different then the rest. It was an immediate connection they all had felt. It was the same feeling as when III had joined him and II. It was that connection that scared Vessel, they could not lose this IV like the others. They had to play it slow and safe. 

 Leaving the kitchen IV went straight to his room, kicking aside dirty clothes and half filled boxes in search of his gym trainers. A walk he had decided was what he needed to clear his mind. Get out of the house away from the boys, the stale air of the manor, and the never ending confusion he had been drowning in the past 12 hours. It didn't take long to find them, sitting on top of a box in a far corner of his room. Slipping them on he began quietly down the stairs towards the kitchen; with the intention of letting them know he was going for a run.

It was Vessel’s voice he heard first- “... IV has just finished learning the songs”

Were they talking about him? IV paused at the door listening for a moment longer. 

“We don’t have time to find another replacement before tour”. 

The breath caught in IV’s throat, he knew it. He fucking knew it. Stuffing his headphone into his ears, he shuffled out the door. He wasn't going to stand there and listen to what he knew was already true. He was replaceable. He had to try harder. No wonder they hid their soft touches from him, He was not worthy. 

Turning down their street IV begun to run.