#...it's probably gonna take a while for me to get over the awe and actually open them up and start looking inside for goodies and stuff
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sachikoq · 12 hours ago
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I don't really know if this is the place to post this, I'm undiagnosed so if this doesn't really belong I'll delete it if need be, but the moment this really well and truly sank in for me was in 6th grade. I was entering a new school and it being one of those "charter schools" that required uniforms and whatnot, the whole place had this air of self-importance. I'd been bullied by both other kids and adults before but here after a certain point basically everyone began to avoid or start shit with me. There was this one guy in particular who particularly didn't like me and definitely convinced a lot of others to avoid me at that, but it's not really like anyone else did anything about it nor was he really the only one so much as just the most vocal. I'd end up sitting alone unless forced into being in a group at any point. for basically the entire year and any friends I did make tended to go away when they didn't really have to be around. I remember teachers singling me out often for doodling in my notes or something or for the things I liked or for how poor I was or the way I carried myself. At the end of the year, on the last day that school year anyway, One of the only people I managed to convince to talk to me at all came up and told me he was just putting up with having me around so I didn't feel bad, and that nobody really liked me. I started crying heavily in the corner of the room I was already sat in and I just couldn't really stop. Eventually some of the girls in class noticed and the teacher from one of our other classes came over in a rage and demanded we all follow her to another room as she scolded everyone for what had been going on. I remember her being so fucking mad, she was red in the face yelling at them and even when it should've felt like I was finally "winning" or something it still felt awful that it really had to come to that. The one thing I remember her saying was along the lines of "The moment you make anyone feel less is when I have to step in and this becomes a problem." I want to go back someday and thank her but I became a shitty student and for a while in the years after that I began to lash out at others a bit as well, so even if I wasn't worried about the optics of a trans woman randomly visiting a middle school in Florida, I don't think she'd really want to hear from me again anyway. Even so she was one of the only people who ever came off like she actually gave a fuck. I wish I could apologize to so many fucking people from back then for lashing out afterward or for not doing the same but it's neither here nor there ig I know saying things like that comes off like a demand for forgiveness when that's not really ever gonna happen nor does it need to.
I'd tell my parents and they didn't really get it, my stepdad's also a so-called "vaccine truther" and has since spread that to the rest of my immediate family so that ship sailed long ago, and only solidified itself when we were having an argument and I said "what exactly is so wrong with having an autistic child?" and he responded "That's easy for you to say, imagine being the parent to a child like that." Our issues even when like 99.9% of neurotypicals claim to give a fuck about them are never our own to them. It's about the parents or the community they live in or this and that. Nobody ever wants to fucking address the elephant in the room with this shit and it's probably because they already know where the fuck they stand.
I failed a grade after that and the next years after that it never really got any easier or better aside from finding other people who'd been through similar. The only people I ever really felt safe around after this were other autistics. To this day the only people I ever truly feel OK around are other autistics. Being an adult and leaving my parents' has made it easier to take hold of my life but it doesn't make that feeling of "does this person really just hate me" ever go away.
every piece of ""autistic representation"" in hollywood sucks not just because of the infantalization and inspiration porn but because movie executives always fail to realize the real universal autistic experience: spending your childhood slowly and unfalteringly realizing all of your friends not so secretly hated and/or merely tolerated you at best and you've missed every social signal about it ever
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howdeepthegrave · 3 days ago
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Agatha shopping with Rio to get gender validating items would be cute
This got set aside in drafts last night but here it is now!
Whose gender are we validating here? Both? Because all genders are valid (mine is basically the way Agatha ACTUALLY said the word "out" during her "interrogation" of Teen while still enspelled) so I'm just gonna assume Rio? I feel like Agatha's gender is validated for her everytime she wears a swoopy coat and a fetching enough pair of slacks while winning an argument.
I need you to imagine some sort of superstore that's like a Gender Validation Supply. (Is there such a place? That would be so cool.) Also this turned out to exist in one of my fic universes so that's fun.
"So do you like this or this?"
"Both. Both are good."
"Is that indecision talking, or..."
"What? Some days I need more compression and some days I don't. Actually, I don't always need much at all, but some days..."
"Okay, so both," Agatha said, dropping the short binder and the light compression tank into the cart.
"This place has everything," Rio breathed in awe, having wandered over to stare at the boxer briefs.
"You know, you could probably see to choose things more easily if you took off your shades."
"Agatha, I need my eye armor. In this way, I am not perceived."
"Oh, honey, you're cute. See, this is why I snapped you up out of the entire big giant lesbian dating pool at Westview."
"Well, I mean, I picked you because you were cute. And you came and visited me in the hospital. Granted, it was to get your panties back..."
Agatha shook her head.
"C'mon, loverboy. You said you wanted to look at the things that go in the underpants."
"Yes! Okay, this is where I'll really get to shine. I know exactly the sort of thing I want. I want something unobtrusive, yet bold. Something that says 'I run a garden center, then go home and rail my wife sometimes!'"
"Are you planning on showing your packer off at work, or..."
"Heck no! I said unobtrusive. I want it to say those things to me."
"Didn't know you needed a dick to run a garden center."
"I don't. Any more than you need another big, intimidating coat to run a bookshop."
"Oh come on! I look good breezing around in those, and it keeps the employees on their toes."
"Agatha, you give all of them three hour lunch breaks. Since when are you intimidating as a boss?"
"Since Yelena said I am. I mean, she would know intimidating, I guess."
They blundered their way over to the next items Rio had wanted to look at, but she suddenly shied back.
"We... We don't have to look at these, actually. I mean, I have the boxer insert and stuff at home. I... We don't have to."
That familiar note of nervousness was creeping into Rio's voice, the one that spoke of self-loathing over 'the whole gender thing' as she was wont to put it. Agatha touched her back gently and rubbed up and down the mid spine area.
"We can if you want to though, my love."
"I... Don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"I'm not."
"But... I mean... I... I don't want you to hate me."
"Rio, I don't hate you and never will. I love you and I want to help you do whatever it takes to feel comfortable."
"But when I... When I lean into this way of being, I worry you'll be grossed out or something."
"Why would I? Sweetheart, I fell in love with you, with your inner self. I mean, you being super hot helped, but I fell in love with your sweetness and courtliness and kindness."
"You fell in love with my courtliness, huh? Basketball joke!"
"Yes, Rio, my love, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you concussed, strapped to a stretcher with my panties draped over your face."
Rio laughed.
"See, this is why we work. We were less meet cute and more meet frankly bonkers. This is why we work. This is the synergy. We match each other's freak, as they say."
"We do."
Rio looked at some of the items on display.
"Think I... Do you think I should look at these?"
"If you want to. If you feel comfortable. What's holding you back, because I know you know I love when you pack, so..."
"It's the baby, really."
Turning, Rio put her hand on Agatha's belly, pressing softly. It was still too early for anything to be showing, but Rio was still already fascinated.
"What if I should stop this stuff? What if me being all weird about my gender will screw them up?"
"It won't, Rio."
"But what if it does? What if they think I'm gross or messed up or whatever and they hate me?"
"Rio, they're going to love you, just as much as we're going to love them."
"What if I'm bad, though? What if I need to just pick a way to be..."
"My love, you have picked a way. The way that feels best for you. You are who you are, and who you are is Rio. The love of my life. The... Well, essentially the father of my child. You're a loving partner, a great friend, and a good person. You deserve to feel safe, my love, and happy with yourself."
Nodding, Rio suddenly looked very convinced.
"Right. Right. Okay. I'm gonna... Just look."
Agatha watched Rio move off among the racks and shelves, studying each item on offer. She was just happy to help her love find a way to be who they wanted to be. Rio had worked so hard throughout their relationship to make her happy, and Agatha figured the least she could do was try and return that action.
"Ooh, hey cariño, this one doubles as an STP device, AND it has retractable foreskin!"
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burningcomputerpersona · 4 months ago
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my cds (and cassette tape) finally arrived in the mail today!!
#I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS#was getting 10 cds and a cassette tape at once maybe a bit overkill? possibly#but i saw the bogo free sale banner and my brain lept at the chance to get more cds for half the price lol#i feel like my collection might be growing a bit too fast esp considering i only started collecting them this fall#but also I HAVE A WHOLE PILE OF CDS NOW LOOK AT IT THERE'S SO MANY AND THEY'RE MY FAVORITE ALBUMS TOO#it's like seeing blorbo from your music in real life in your home#just looking at a cd and being like !!! i literally listen to you every day i didn't know you were also Real#the difference between having something only on your phone even if you still see/listen to it a lot and having a Physical Thing is massive#just. i haven't even opened these up yet they look so pretty im just staring at them in awe while typing this rn#ykw 10 cds is a lot to unbox all at once and if they have extra stuff on the inside too i don't think I'd be able to fully appreciate it#i think im gonna save some of the unwrapping for later as a lil treat maybe for when im having a bad day#so i can come home and unwrap it and look inside and get that serotonin boost#just a lil something i can look forward to in the future :3#they said money can't buy happiness but it turns out i just did and my happiness comes in the form of physical media lol#and ykw i think this is a pretty sweet deal like if i had to choose any hobby to spend money on this would be a great choice#it's cheap you get to support your favorite musicians and you get infinite dopamine out of it (well as long as the cd lasts ig)#just. im still looking at them i cant believe the pictures and sounds from my phone are Real and i can touch them now#...it's probably gonna take a while for me to get over the awe and actually open them up and start looking inside for goodies and stuff#ive been meaning to take pictures of the cool stuff from the precious cds that i got but i still haven't gotten around to it lol#just. the emotions are too big. even just looking at it brings me so much joy that if i opened it up to find more stuff inside#it'd be too much for my brain to handle and it would just explode or something lol#anyway i think that wall of text is long enough so im gonna go admire my cds some more now#mine#cd#cds#cassette tape#music#reminder#for later#<- and that is so i actually remember to open them up and look inside instead of just admiring it like a painting
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zepskies · 2 days ago
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Ahhh my lovely, friend! Take your time lol I know this one's a whopper. 🤣🤣 But omg I'm so interested to know which part stuck with you that much. 🥺❤️❤️
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Well... It takes two to tango, buddy. I think you can lighten up lol
Right?? lmao She does set him straight on that, but we wouldn't have Dean without his self-loathing Dean Angst. 😂 (plus a tad of Ross - condoms really are little shits lmfao.)
also lmfaoooo forgive me but I'm stealing that *gasps in Spanish* gif. 🤣🤣🤣
Much like her, I fully freaked out at that part!!! Like, wtf, man!!! And all the while, my mind also went: "Well, he's surely gonna end it with Lisa now. It's the most logical conclusion." But NOPE! Our boy went a different way 😂
lolll Dean wasn't acting very rationally, was he? In the epilogue I'm currently working on for this story, I wanted to explore that a little more and give Dean more of an explanation on why he stayed with Lisa so long. I mean, I had my own HC in my mind and implied some things for readers to interpret for themselves, but you brought up SO many good points later on for the Lisa and Benny side -- you literally gave me a spark of inspiration for a scene. 😭🙏🏽
And I think it totally makes sense since he's still so freaking young!!! (He honestly reminded me of Buck in 911 lol – Idk if you watch it but he was very much a player firefighter like Dean) Essentially, they're both babies having another baby. It's already hard when you're a couple, but both of them being separate entities through this in a way makes it even harder. Although they try to be a unity, it's completely different since Dean isn't gonna be there 24/7 (which he also fully realizes the extent of it when she starts dating Benny).
Thank you so much for saying this! I probably should've defined Dean's age, but I implied that he was in his early 20s. I haven't seen 911 but I've heard of Buck! It's probably similar to Kelly Severide in Chicago Fire (early seasons)--definitely the "babies having babies" and being shit at communication because of it. 🥲
But man, I wanted to slap him left and right, shake him awake, and tell him to get his head outta his goddamn ass 😆
Oooh I don't blame you! lmfao Dean would've deserved each and every one of those slaps! That's why I don't blame some people for saying they didn't really like Dean in this. He fucked up a lot in this story, as did the reader, and really everybody, like you said. 😂
I was the exact same 😂😂 I still make my son most of his food myself instead of store bought (like apple sauce, bread, cookies etc.) ❤️
Aww I freakin' love that. 🥹 You sound like the best mom ever. 🍪🍪💕
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Felt that lmao. Luckily, Robbie didn't sit on her ischiatic nerve and numbed half her leg too 🙄 I felt like a pinguin who got ran over by a truck 😂
oh dear Jesus. 😭 I was just starting to come around to the idea of having kids, but you're painting an oh so lovely picture of pregnancy, Wayne. 😆😆
Instantly knew where you were going with this. Probably the moment I started to brace myself and put my seatbelt on for this ride 🤣 Aw, poor Benny, who had probably wanted to go out with her since the wedding and then sadly realized Dean got there first 🥲
Tell me how you're picking up on things I felt subconsciously when I was writing, but didn't actually articulate in my mind until you said it lol. (Even more material for the epilogue! ❤️❤️)
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Oooh, Alex, super important to know for you if you're ever going down the pregnant route: You're allowed a 12oz cup (up to 200 mg daily). Enjoy that coffee in the morning, girl 😏☕️
🫣🫣 Thank you for correcting me! lmfao I swore I thought my friend who has kids told me she cut out coffee, but she didn't have to! (Or I misremembered that one loll)
Still love that her water broke in the middle of class lmao. This was honestly a big fear of mine whenever I went outside during that last stretch 😂
Omg that would be such a fear of mine too! 😂😂
My God, I hated it so much that Lisa thought it was a good idea to come and then pick a stupid fight, drawing Dean's entire attention away from such an important moment. His sole focus should be on reader and his son atm and not on this. I felt terrible for her here 🙈💔 Dean not backing out of this relationship is one thing, but Lisa really should've ended it somewhere during reader's pregnancy or those first months after the birth. Yes, she liked him and wanted to try and make this work, but you gotta cut your losses at some point, girl, and walk away when your dignity's still intact. Even Mona broke up with Ross, and that was wild 🤣
Right?! lol Lisa wanted to be part of it, but at the same time jealous of it all and tried to draw Dean's attention that way.
Lisa really should've broken it off when Dean didn't, and this is one of those things I left up to readers to think about as to why she stayed with him. But in my mind, her reasoning was that she got hooked by Dean so much that she just wanted to make it work, despite the signs that his attention (and his heart) was divided. 😥
lol the Mona/Ross thing was SO wild. 🤣🤣 Ross would forget her literally all the time. I was honestly surprised she didn't break up with him sooner for all that! (lmfao pot-kettle-me 😆)
Maybe Dean should've asked reader to move in with him and surprised Lisa with it. Maybe that would've finally done it lol. She was resilient and hopeful till the bitter end lol ❤️‍🩹
lollll oh if only Dean would've gotten off his ass and done something about his feelings deep down! 😂
This was such a precious moment between them. Had tears in my eyes 😭😭 And then the goddamn cavalry arrives to break them apart! I hope for their second child they won't allow visitors till the next day lol 🙏
Aww thank you! That was one of my favorite moments to write tbh, as bittersweet as it is. 🥹 Oh yeah lol, for baby #2 it's just gonna be her and Dean, and maybe her mom.
Literally. How about you people just ask what momma wants, huh? I'm glad she had Dean there to support her, though 💕
He was there for her, even with all the distractions trying to pull him away! 😭
Typical Benny 🥹 This was so incredibly sweet of him and she really needed that (even if it did cross boundaries a little. At least wait till she gets home from the hospital to shoot your shot, buddy lol). He really had it bad for her, and I think that made him blindsided in that regard 💔
Oooh I love that take honestly that it was crossing boundaries a bit (he really was so into her from the beginning), but you're right that it really is what she needed in that moment. 💓
That hit so deeply 😢 I cry during that scene with Rachel every time too 😭
Literallyyyy. Rachel's conversation with Janice kicks me in the feels every time. 😭😭
That really showcased that Benny truly wasn't the one for her, no matter how nice, kind, and considerate he was. It's sad, but it happens. Her heart always belonged to Dean from that first night on ❤️ In the end, it would've been unfair to both of them (even all four of them) if they all stayed together in those pairings.
Thank you!!! That right there was the biggest clue - she just doesn't feel as comfortable with him as she does with Dean. She doesn't feel the sparks. I feel like that's something people missed about the Benny x reader relationship in this. It's "nice and safe" and supportive, but it's not the bone-deep love. "Her heart always belonged to Dean from that first night on ❤️" It absolutely would have been a disservice to all of them if things had stayed as they were.
And it's honestly not just on reader and Dean who went wrong by never admitting their feelings and talking it out like the grown-ups they aren't lol, but both Benny and Lisa are a bit selfish for staying with them as well. You can't tell me they didn't know or heavily suspect there were feelings there between them. Those two decided to butt into a young family, so they made that bed a little bit themselves, too 🤷‍♀️ Especially Benny – and hear me out, if Benny had been truly a good friend to Dean, he would've put his own feelings aside in the first place and talked some sense into him. But fair enough if he decided to go after her himself lol (I thought a lot about that specifically this week since we've talked about how Benny was a class act till the end, but honestly, this probably would've been even classier of him 🤝) I don't know why I get so defensive of reader and Dean in this story, but I was rooting for them hard 😂🩵
Honestly you don't know how much I love this analysis (and how hard you were rooting for reader and Dean ❤️❤️)!!
I definitely thought Lisa was being selfish to turn a blind eye to all the warning signs with Dean, but I didn't even think of Benny doing the exact same thing! He admits at the end that he feels this might happen, because he sees the way Dean is with the reader, and in my mind, deep known, he saw how the reader was with Dean too. He just selfishly wanted to hold on to her, hoping he'd be enough. 🥲
This really wasn't an easy request to write, now that I think about it loll. Because when I tell you what the requester wanted was so detailed with all these plot points (including Benny and Lisa, the 5 years, Lisa's ultimatum, the potential engagement, drama before it actually happens, etc.), and it was my job to try and connect it all. 😅
It's like your describing my kid lol And I love that both our HC is that Dean literally needs the threat of a proposal from another man to make a goddamn move 🤣
lollll I know, I still remember your poor bookshelves! 🤣 But it sounds like he's a mini Dean, just like Robbie. ❤️❤️
Right?? Again, great minds. 😂
Yup, makes complete sense. And again, it's on both Lisa and Benny for looking the other way here and not noticing that 🤷‍♀️ They literally accepted that Dean would just fix things in reader's home all the time etc. and it was clear both were bothered by that. Denial all around with these four 😂
For real. 😅 My HC is they both "noticed" but didn't want to admit it/looked the other way to try and maintain their relationships. If Dean x reader's biggest problem was denial and miscommunication, then Benny and Lisa's were denial and their willingness to turn a blind eye to the signs their partners had divided hearts. ❤️‍🩹
And this is the part that I thought most about. I sobbed then and I'm sobbing reading this again now. I was so incredibly heartbroken for Dean for missing out on all that shit. You just want him to have all the good things and enjoy being a dad to his heart's content, so this truly ripped me apart 😭😭😭
Omgggg you're making me tear up too, now! 😭 Yes, Dean doesn't deserve to miss out on any part of raising his son, and besides the potentially losing his chance with her forever, potentially losing a place in his son's life is the twist of the knife that Dean can't stand.
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Same. Girl was committed 🤣
lmfaoooo Lisa really was like the Janice in this situation with the on again, off again shenanigans! 🤣
But the mother of his son, which makes her family... Lisa pissed me off during that scene, although I completely understand where she's coming from. Dean really broke her in a way. Still, she's known for five years what she's gotten herself into 😂
She really sucked in this scene. While you can see where she's coming from, clearly she's taking her frustrations out on the reader unfairly. 😥
I swear I wanted to murder you and Dean here, Alex, aka the part where I really thought you were going to break my goddamn heart 😂💜💜💜 I was livid with that man lmao
lmfaoo girl I don't blame you! It really is all my fault. 😜 Gotta have that "dark night of the soul" moment where it seems like all is lost...
And then that whole conversation at their parent's house!!! Fucking finally they're adressing this. Istg they better got to couple's therapy after and learn to communicate properly. Those skills are lacking with these two idiots 😅🙈
oh my God yeah. Fucking finally right? lol That's definitely going to be a subject covered in the epilogue. 😅😅
I loved how this was the scene that absolutely reached a boiling point with everyone!!! The drama queen in me was like, "Yes!! Let's go!!!" 🤣🤣👏👏
Oh it's pure rom-com drama at this point! 🤣🤣 Of course Benny's proposal gets interrupted - and omg how do you find the perfect Friends gifs for everything??!! 😍
The "for once" does it for me 💀 (And then Dean using past tense when saying he loved Lisa 🤯) I both feel for Benny and Lisa and think both of them handled the break ups incredibly well – no doubt about it. But that proves to me a little that they always knew it could end this way and just chose not to see it (even Benny admitted that at the end). Ultimately, it's a little hard for me to feel toooo awfully sorry for them, ya know? The old "you've dug your grave" story 😅
She got 'im there. 😅 Ahhh you noticed that past tense there, very intentional, even though it stings even more. 💙
Benny and Lisa really did have their own forms of denial. No one's the villain here, but no one's blameless either. 🥲 (I really appreciate you for seeing that. Not everyone did lol)
Fucking finally! 🥳 It's been a wild ride to get here, my sweet lil green-eyed idiot 💚🎢
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I sobbed again during their wedding when Robbie brought him the ring and how happy he was that his parents were together 🥹
That might've been my favorite scene, other than Dean's confession. 🥹🥹 Robbie being happy to see his parents together was also something I hoped would be telling for the Benny x reader relationship too, that even reader and Dean's son was asking why they weren't together. 💕
Honestly, I said it over on Patreon, but here again too: This was such an amazing, phenomenal, and yes, dramatic ride, but it was fucking every 20k word of it (if you can't tell by this extensively long and insane comment lmao). And I can't help falling in love with you... 💜💜💜
I so appreciate you for that, Wayne. 🥹 I've been somewhat doubting myself on this story about certain things I chose to do, but you and others have made me feel more secure about the creative risks I was initially proud of. You have such an intelligent read on stories in such a fun and heartfelt way. 💕💕
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IF I STAY - Part 2
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Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader
Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.
AN: Deep breaths Are you ready for a rollercoaster of emotions? 😘❤️
Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis
Word Count: 13.1K
Tags/Warnings: Angst, pregnancy feels, hurt/comfort, fluff, time jumps and flashbacks, sexual tension, mutual pining, spice~, and an ending…
❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist
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Part 2: It’s Now or Never
At the doctor’s office, Dean goes in with you for the first trimester ultrasound. There you learn that you’re going to have a boy. Tears well up in your eyes and slip down your cheeks.
Dean wears a look of amazement as he sits on the edge of your bed. He takes up your hand and squeezes gently. He tries to be a strong support, even though he also tries to hide the fear that begins to churn in his gut.
For one of the first times in his life since Sam was born, he feels the weight of responsibility pressing down on him. In a good way. In a fucking scary way.
He looks at you and sees the wonder written across your face while you watch the tiny shape of your baby on the screen. His heartbeat thwaps fast and loud in the speakers.
Dean realizes something else then; the decision you're making is changing the course of your whole damn life…and it’s his fault.
With his weekly hookup rate, in the very back shelves of his mind he knew something like this could happen, even though he thought he'd been careful. (Apparently, condoms are fragile little shits.) But here, in this white wall-to-wall room that smells like hospital antiseptic, that thwap thwap thwap of a heartbeat reverberating in his ears, the reality of this is crashing hard on his shoulders and rattling down to the base of his spine.
Despite his earlier happiness, those thoughts stay with him when you two eventually get back into his car. You have the pictures of the sonogram in your hands. You smile down at them before you put them back in your purse for safekeeping.
However, you notice Dean’s sudden melancholy as he stares out at the road. He’s started the car, but he hasn’t moved to pull out of the parking lot yet.
“Hey, you okay?” you say, resting a gentle hand on his arm.
Dean shakes his head. “Look…I’m sorry for tossing a giant friggin’ monkey wrench into your life. I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”
If possible, your heart softens even more. You slide your hand down to grasp his.
“Dean, this baby wasn’t planned, but he’s not a mistake,” you say. “I don’t regret anything.”
Dean stares back at you, incredulously. He can’t believe you could really say that to him. He doesn’t know what to say. He only knows what’s in his mind, and what he feels compelled to do in that moment.
He leans over and kisses you. It’s a firm meeting of his lips to yours and achingly familiar. But ultimately, it’s chaste. He pulls away and settles back in his seat.
When you blink your eyes back open, your expression is slack in shock.
“I’m sorry,” he says, seeming sheepish, and guilty. “I meant to say thank you. Just didn’t know any other way to say it.”
After a moment, you smile at him. It’s warm and almost shy.
Dean clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his face is heating up. He doesn’t say anything more. He just takes the wheel and shifts gears, pulling the car out of the parking lot. 
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You don’t know what possesses you to bake cookies. Dozens and dozens of them, all the chocolate chip cookie recipes you can find. You’re in search of the perfect one. This will be the recipe your son will grow up on, and every time he eats them, he’ll remember how much you loved him.
And then, he’ll be ruined for any other chocolate chip cookies that try to grab his taste buds. He’ll say, Blech. Chips Ahoy? These aren’t as good as Mom makes!
…Or something like that.
Yes, these cookies have to be perfect. You’ll even write the ingredients down on a notecard and hide it away, and it’ll become your family secret recipe.
Once you feel like your cookie game is strong enough, you decide to test these babies out. You bring two dozen painstakingly baked confections to Firehouse 83, where Dean works. The man is a bottomless pit, to be sure, but you also want other people’s unbiased opinions. For science.
You park your car on the side of the road, making sure you’re not blocking the driveway where two huge fire trucks are parked. You head inside the firehouse with your big container under your arm and your purse on the other. Now at seven months into your pregnancy, you’ve gotten to the embarrassing “waddle” stage.
You’re still determined to be active though! You plan to keep working until you have the baby. Your parents live a few hours away, but you’re grateful that they want to help out as much as possible.
Even though they weren’t happy to hear about how you got pregnant, by now they've met Dean and begrudgingly admitted to liking him. He's really stepped up to the responsibility of a future father, insisting on baby-proofing your apartment, helping you shop for the essentials, and going with you to as many doctor’s appointments as he can. He’s even agreed to giving you child support payments, even though you hadn’t wanted to ask for it.
You look for him now as you enter the firehouse, trying to push the heavy glass door open with one hand.
“Here, I got you,” says a familiar baritone voice.
You’re pleasantly surprised at the man who helps you inside.
“Benny! It’s good to see you.”
“Yeah, been…a while,” he chuckles, glancing down at the swell of your belly, but he squeezes your shoulder and leans in to hug you gently.
“Dean filled you in?” you ask. You hope so. Having to explain the story to one of his own friends would be embarrassing, especially since this is the man you walked in Sam’s wedding with. It reminds you of that day, and the way you told Dean that news in a glorified closet, with shaking hands and the wrong kind of butterflies.
Thankfully, Benny nods. “That he did…but come on, I’ll show you around. And I see you’ve brought somethin’ special for us?”
He gestures at the container you're holding and offers to take it off your hands. You give it to him, grateful for the help.
“Yeah, and I want you guys to give me your honest opinion.”
Benny tosses you a wink and a smile. “That I can do.”
Your cheeks begin to warm in a blush, but the way he helps you to a comfy couch in the common room earns your smile. There are still good men left in this world, and you’re glad to know that Dean works so well with one.
“You want some coffee, or water? Think we might have some lemonade,” Benny says.
“Water would be great, thank you,” you reply, as you rub your belly. The little man has decided to kick at your liver today. “I stopped drinking coffee for the baby. ”
It's your biggest challenge, to be honest. Try wrangling a group of fifteen to twenty six-year-olds while running on green tea, the fumes of sleep deprivation, reduced bladder control, and as much vim as you can muster.
“Ah, right,” Benny nods. “My sister has two kids. She cut out coffee, pain meds, some dairy stuff. But she claimed cheesecake was all right, ‘cause it’s got cake in the name.”
You giggle. “I see no flaw in her logic.”
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Down the hall of the firehouse, Dean is just coming back in from going through a set of drills. He’s still the Candidate—the freshest blood in the house—so they’ve been putting him through his paces for the past several months. He’s eager to learn and to prove himself.
His ears perk up in confusion though. Did he just hear your voice?
Why does it smell like a bakery in here?
When he rounds the corner, he sees you in the common room, smiling and giggling like a teenager at something Benny said to you while he eats a soft baked cookie right out of a Tupperware container. You must’ve brought it for the firehouse.
This cozy little scene kind of annoys Dean somehow, though he doesn’t know why. He does know that it shouldn’t.
“Hey, look who’s here,” Dean says, forcing himself to smile. It becomes easier when you look his way, your eyes brightening at his arrival.
“There you are! Come ‘ere and try these,” you say, pointing at the box Benny holds. “Tell me if our son’s going to have the best PTA mom ever.”
Dean can’t help but grin after trying a big bite of one of your cookies.
“Oh, mah Gah,” he says, holding a hand under his mouth so nothing comes crumbling out.
“Good?” you ask.
“Good friggin’ cookie,” he confirms, after he swallows. “You’re gonna have the other parents frothing at the mouth. Who’s gonna be able to compete with this?”
Benny nods in agreement. When Dean squeezes your shoulder, your sweet, happy smile makes him smile too.
She’s going to be a good mom, he thinks. He can only hope against hope that he can be the man his son needs.
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Two months later, the time has finally come. Your water breaks when you’re in the middle of teaching your second graders how to spell exaggerate—and no, Joey, it’s not e-g-g-zagerate.
However, the embarrassment of him pointing out the fluid beginning to stain your slacks is swiftly cut off by your shock. Your first call is to the principal, to have her send someone to cover your class. Your next call is to Dean, telling him to meet you at the hospital.
“Why the hell did he have to bring her,” you mutter to yourself, wiping sweat from your brow. Here you are, gritting your teeth through contraction after contraction in this damn hospital bed, and Dean is outside the room talking to Lisa.
You know you have no real reason to be upset. She’s been trying her best to be your friend in recent months. Hell, she helped Eileen and your mom plan your baby shower. She even brought you flowers when she got to the hospital, but you notice how less than five minutes after she got here, she and Dean became embroiled in yet another argument. It seems to you that all they do is argue, break up for a week or two, and then get back together again.
The sex must be explosive, like the fireworks at goddamn Disney World.
But Dean eventually does come back into the room alone. His support grounds you over the next few hours. He lets you basically break his hand, all while he gives you encouragement (and stands by your shoulder, so he doesn’t see anything you’d rather him not see).
And then, your son is born. Every muscle, every cell in your body is exhausted, but the pain meds have kicked in, and you’re in that blissed out state between abject reality and being entirely entranced by the bundle in your arms. His perfect face is just there, sleeping for the moment after the nurses taught you how to breastfeed.
Dean returns to sit in the chair beside you. He gives you some water and a piece of a protein bar. You’re not that hungry, but he pointed out that you haven’t eaten since before your water broke.
“Sam and Eileen are on their way up,” he says.
You nod in reply. You’re too into your son right now to think of anything else.
Dean shakes his head in wonder as he reaches out with a tentative hand, brushing his fingers over the baby’s downy head. He was born with a little tuft of brown hair.
“Okay, down to business,” Dean says, shooting you a playful look. “I vote for Zeppelin.”
You groan. “Dean, no. Veto. I’m not naming my son after a rock band.”
“Aw, come on. It’s a badass name!”
“What about Aiden?” you suggest.
“Veto,” he snorts. You two agreed to getting five “vetos” each, but this discussion has been more like a battle of wills over the last several months.
“Okay, what about Daniel? That’s strong, classic,” you pose.
Dean considers it with a tilt of his head. “All right, that one’s a maybe.”
Again, he strokes the baby’s soft cheek. You look over at Dean with a small smile.
“You’re going to be a good dad, you know,” you tell him. It earns his gaze. Although he’s trying to stay strong, you read the hidden insecurity there, the worry and fear. You rest a hand on his arm. “You are, Dean. You’re a good man, and you’ve really stepped up these past few months. This obviously isn’t how either of us thought our lives would go, but if this had to happen with someone, I’m glad it’s you.”
Dean’s expression softens. He hesitates, but he lays a hand over yours and squeezes gently.
“Thanks,” he says.
Your eyes meet, and it’s a moment charged with something you can’t even name. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this feeling with him. It both fills your heart with warmth, and makes you ache.
Then the door opens. It’s Lisa, Sam, and Eileen. Dean’s hand slips away from yours as they all pour in to congratulate you and Dean, and of course, meet the baby. There’s a lot of soft cooing and playful shushing.
In that small chaos, your parents call to tell you that they’re finally almost here. It really sucked not having your mom with you, but your parents live far enough away that they were going to take a train and stay with you for at least a week. Their train unfortunately got delayed due to mechanical failure.
It's okay though. Getting through the past several hours has made you realize that you’re stronger and more capable than you think, and even though part of you is still scared to death, you don’t need a husband to be a good mom. You’re going to give this your all, no matter who’s beside you…
And that's no more apparent than when Dean soon has to step out again, leading Lisa out of the room. He saw how her “helpful” suggestion to have a get-together at their apartment to celebrate the baby’s birth was setting you on edge. Really, you just want to sleep for the next 24-hours and not have any more pictures of you taken.
It gets loud enough outside your hospital room that Sam and Eileen feel they have to intervene. Lisa is Eileen’s best friend, and she’s the best equipped to try and deescalate the argument from that end, while Sam deals with Dean. It’s messy, it’s irritating, and it means that even today, you can’t just have a little bit of peace.
You sigh and cradle your still nameless baby close to your chest. He’s all that matters. Already, your heart is so damn full just taking him in.
“What’s your name, my little love?” you whisper. “What am I going to write on your certificate, besides Winchester?”
“How about Benjamin,” comes a Louisiana drawl.
You perk up and smile in surprise. “Benny, hey.”
He greets you with a slightly hesitant kiss on the cheek. He’s brought the baby an adorable teddy bear, and you a beautiful bouquet of white and blue roses, along with a box of chocolates.
“It’s the assorted kind, but they’ve got plenty of the caramel ones you like,” he says, then gazes down at the baby. “Aw, he’s a little charmer. Already got more of you than Dean, that’s for sure.”
You laugh lightly at his teasing. “I don’t know about that.” You hope your son inherits Dean’s strong jaw, and his green eyes.
Benny scratches the back of his head. “Also…sorry if I’m crossing some kind of boundary here. Looks like it’s a bit of a circus outside.”
You shake your head and smile through burgeoning tears. You set the chocolates on the end table where he’s placed the flowers and the teddy bear.
“No, it’s very sweet. Thank you,” you say. You glance out the window of your room to the hallway, where the arguing between Dean, Lisa, Sam, and Eileen seems to finally be calming down. You’re so damn tired, you don’t give a crap about whatever they’re hashing out now.
You look down at your son, and despite your strong thoughts earlier, insecurity begins to creep back into your mind like inky claws.  
“How are you holding up?” Benny asks. His face is kind and concerned when he notes the change in you.
You meet him with a wobbly smile. “Honestly? I’m afraid. I know I have a lot of people who want to support me, and I’m grateful, but…I just have this terrible feeling that we’re going to end up alone, him and me.”
You look down at your son, and you have to wipe away a tear from your eye before it falls on his face.
A large, warm hand rests over yours. Your gaze raises slowly, and Benny smiles at you. He’s serious though.
“Don’t you worry about that,” he says. “You’re not gonna be alone.”
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FIVE YEARS LATER... 
For all that changes, there are some things that stay the same.
Dean and Lisa are still the world’s most “off again, on again” couple you’ve ever met. Sam and Eileen are still going strong as the hardworking, driven career couple. Your son is growing more and more every day and just started kindergarten this year.
(You ultimately caved on Dean’s idea to name him Robert, as in Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin.)
Oh, yeah, and the “you and Benny” thing? That’s been going well for two years now.
What can you say? The man is persistent, but respectfully so. He’s considerate, reliable, and always calls you when work at the firehouse has him running late.
You haven’t yet invited him to move in with you. That part you’re still hesitant on, mostly because of your son, but Benny helps you drop off Robbie at school and makes breakfast for you all whenever he stays over your apartment. Benny takes an interest in your son’s life and keeps up with all his energy, taking him to the park to run himself ragged before dinner, and helping you tuck him in at night.
Benny is a bit closed off though, the strong stoic type. He’s hard for you to get a read on, and sometimes you wonder if he’s just indulging you when you ramble on about your day or make silly jokes. Even now, sometimes you withhold the first thought that comes to your mind, hoping he doesn’t think you immature or…too much.
But Benny shows his caring in all those little things he does for you. They add up into the big things, and he makes you feel supported. He makes you feel safe.
He even helps you plan your son’s fifth birthday. Robbie wanted to go all out on a dinosaur theme; he’s been hooked on Jurassic Park ever since Benny “accidentally” let him watch it with him on one of your rare nights out with your friends.
So you set up a little party at the park by your apartment. You managed to reserve the biggest gazebo, where there are three picnic tables covered with dinosaur plates, and tablecloths, streamers in different shades of green. You even bought a big dinosaur cake—also in a radioactive green color that you hadn’t been sure about, but your son talked you into. Robbie thinks it’s awesome.
He’s running around on the playground with a few of his friends from school. Their parents (along with Sam, Eileen, and Lisa) are talking amongst themselves at one of the picnic tables while you try to figure out how to get the Bluetooth speaker to connect with your phone.
“Haha! Got it. If you're so smart, Alexa, why don't you connect on the first try?” You fist-pump the air triumphantly, just as Benny comes to your side. He wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your cheek, making you smile.
“How’s it going out there?” you ask, nodding at the kids. Plus Dean, who’s gamely been the one to keep them entertained with different games. Right now, it’s a thrilling game of Cowboys and Outlaws, where Robbie and his friends are the cowboys, and Dean is the outlaw. He’s been hiding under the slide, behind trees and other playground fixtures, while the kids have little squirt guns to pelt him with water every time they find him.
It's pretty damn cute, and you’ve been taking pictures. You smile at the sight of Dean leaping out at Robbie and the kids, catching them off guard.
“You’ll never take me alive, Sheriff!” Dean declares.
“Oh, it’s goin’,” Benny remarks with an amused shake of his head. “Still hard to believe that guy’s about to make it to Lieutenant.”
“Hahaaa, gotcha!!” Dean cackles. He’s grabbed up Robbie and yanked him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Robbie screeches with laughter while his dad runs around the playground, being chased by a bunch of five-year-olds with squirt guns.
Your smile threatens to make your cheeks hurt. You know your life is…unconventional, to say the least, but Dean is a good father to your son. He’s also been working hard at his job. He just took the Lieutenant’s test, and even though Benny already occupies that position at Firehouse 83, a spot at another firehouse might open up for Dean to transfer.
“Part of me doesn’t want to,” Dean admitted to you last week, while he was working on fixing your stubborn, leaky sink. “All the guys there, they’re like family, you know?” “I understand,” you nodded. “You have to do what feels best for you, whether that’s staying where you feel comfortable, or moving up in your career somewhere else. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.” He took in your advice with a slow nod. “Yeah, thanks. Guess I have to time to think about it. Lisa had other ideas.” “Of course,” you said with a smile, but it soon dropped. “Why, what did she say?” “Do what I can to move up,” he sighed. “She’s got a point. That title comes with a pay bump, one I could really use right now.” “I get that. Totally valid,” you said. “But I just think it’s important for you to be happy with it too. Especially with what you do, helping people, saving people…I’d imagine being in the right mindset for all that is important, right? Who you work with can be just as important as the money stuff.” Dean considered you with a smile. “Yeah, exactly.”
As you think about it now, you have to admit that he’s grown up a lot.
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Dean has to lean against a tree to catch his breath. Am I already getting too old for this crap?
Feels kind of young to have a stitch in his side after a few rounds with these kids, but even he has his limits. Lisa comes to bring him a bottle of ice-cold water, which he appreciates. He’s tempted to dump it over his head like he does after successfully neutralizing a fire. It gets literally hot as hell under that helmet and mask and all his gear underneath.
“Need an iron lung?” Lisa teases.
“Toss in a new pair of knees, thanks,” he wheezes. He downs half the water bottle in one go, but he smiles at seeing his son keep running around with his friends. He’s just got that manic kid energy that goes on for days. But Robbie’s also smart; like Dean, he likes taking things apart and putting them back together in new and ingenious ways.
Dean hopes his son likes the new model car set that’s waiting for him on the picnic table full of presents. In fact, he’s still surprised that you didn’t go with the race car theme he suggested for the party, but apparently, Robbie’s more into dinosaurs now. Dean wishes he knew that before he bought the model car set.
He looks over and catches sight of you and Benny wrapped up in each other. He has his arm around your waist while you fiddle with something, but the way you lean over and whisper near his ear elicits a smile on Benny’s face.
Dean’s good mood diminishes.
“Well, don’t they seem cozy,” he mutters.
Lisa arches a manicured brow. “Yeah, pretty sure he’s getting ready to propose.”
That earns Dean’s attention, his head swiveling back to her in surprise.
“Really?” he asks. “Who told you that?”
“His sister,” she replies. “Meg’s in my intermediate class, remember?”
Dean nods, sipping at his water, even though he’s a bit absent in the eyes. Lisa watches him shrewdly.
“Why do you seem upset about it?” she asks. “Benny’s your friend.”
“I know,” Dean says. He doesn’t need that reminder, or the guilty twinge. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong.
“And she seems happy,” Lisa points out. “Don’t you want the mother of your kid to be with a good man who treats her right?”
He nods, trying to hide his growing annoyance. “‘Course I do. I just…I don’t know. I still don’t see them together, I guess.”
“Well, they’ve been together for like, two years.”
Again, Dean nods his acknowledgement. It’s hard for him to believe that so much time has passed already. He honestly didn’t think you and Benny would be together this long. He’d always felt a little uncomfortable with one of his best friends dating you, but you’d seemed happy about it, so he didn’t discourage it. But he’d never been very supportive, either. At least, not about your relationship.
Lisa sighs and grabs his arm, pulling him aside before he can rejoin the party.
“Listen, we need to talk about something,” she says.
Dean restrains a tired groan. “Can this wait ‘til later?”
“I think we should do this now,” she says. A hallmark Lisa-ism. She’s opinionated and strong-willed, something Dean’s always respected about her. Sometimes though, the timing is damn irritating. He doesn’t want to get into another argument with his girlfriend in public, especially not at his son’s birthday party.
“Speaking of commitment,” she says with a sigh. “I think it’s fair to say that we’ve been on a five-year rollercoaster, you and I. You know why that is?”
“I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Dean says, crossing his arms.
“It’s because you’re spread too thin,” she says. “Between the firehouse, construction jobs on the side…not to mention other things.”
“What? What’re you talking about?”
Lisa’s lips purse, before she pointedly gestures over at you with her eyes. “Well, for example. You’re still going to her place after your next shift to fix her fridge, right?”
“Yeah, I mean, should be pretty simple. I’ve just gotta swing by the hardware store and grab this specialty tool I ordered—”
“Dean,” Lisa deadpans. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.”
She heaves a deep breath, running her fingers through her long brown hair.
“I get that navigating this situation hasn’t been easy for you,” she says. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either, but look.”
Lisa takes his hands in hers, uncrossing his arms. “I want to get married someday. I want kids too. And I want that kind of life with you…I’m just not sure you want it with me.”
Dean expels a heavy sigh. “Lis—”
“Don’t answer me right now,” she says, but she levels him with a serious look. “You need to decide though, Dean. Five years is long enough. You should know by now if you want to be with me.”
After letting go of his hands, she softens the edges of her words with a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then she turns to join the group now gathered around the picnic table where the food is, all the kids cheering for pizza and cake.
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After the party, Sam, Eileen, Lisa, and Benny pack up their cars and yours with the leftover food, party supplies, and presents. Dean helps you clean up the trash, all while keeping an eye on Robbie getting out the last of his sugar-high on the playground swing.
You shake your head tiredly, if with a fond smile. “That kid’s gonna be up all night hype on that radioactive cake.”
Dean chuckles. “You want me to take him tonight?”
“It’s okay. I think he’s going to want to play with his toys,” you reply.
“Well, he could just as easily do that at my place,” he reasons.
You consider it, but you shake your head. “Yeah, but we got him the bike. He’s probably gonna want to try it out for a few minutes before we get him cleaned up.”
“By ‘we,’ you mean you and Benny,” Dean says, his tone becoming surly. “And about that. Don’t you think a bike is something you should run by me? That’s typically a ‘dad’ kind of gift.”
You pause what you’re doing at the sound of his tone. Your brows knit together.
“Sorry, but I feel like a bike isn’t exclusively a dad thing,” you say.
“My dad got me my first bike,” Dean replies. “Spent a whole three days teaching me how to ride.”
You take a minute to think about it. You understand where Dean’s coming from, so you nod.
“Okay, I get it. You want to be there to help teach Robbie? I’m sure he’d love that.” 
Dean tosses a wadded-up ball of frosting-covered napkins and stops, letting his hands fall to his sides in frustration. He draws closer and helps you untie the balloons from the picnic table.
“Yeah, I do, but that’s not the point,” he says. “Why can’t I take him home tonight?”
You blink up at him in confusion. “Well, like I said. The bike—”
“That I should’ve gotten for him,” he snaps. “Which, let me guess, Benny picked out. Right?”
You frown at him in earnest now. “Dean, why are you getting so upset about it? It’s just a bike.”
“Well you know what, it’s not! And it’s not just the damn bike either.” He swipes a hand over his face in annoyance, a telltale sign you’ve come to read well on the man. “Look, I’m missing too much shit, all right? Like, like the dinosaur thing! And the fact that I only get him on the weekends.”
You turn toward him, trying to put a cap on your own annoyance. This isn’t the first time you two have had a conversation like this. 
“We’ve gone over this before, Dean. Your schedule at the firehouse is just too unpredictable,” you say. “Robbie needs as much stability as possible between us. But…okay, if you want to take him tonight, that’s fine. We can bring the bike over to your place and show it to him there.”
You’re trying to be as reasonable as possible, and Dean knows that. Still, anger prickles just under his skin, and he can’t help but push his luck.
“You still should’ve asked be before you got the bike in the first place,” he argues.
Your brows raise high. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Look, it’s not like we bought him a Honda Civic. Honestly, Dean, why are you picking a fight with me right now?” you ask. “Did you and Lisa get into it again or something?”
Dean looks away and crosses his arms, giving you all the confirmation you need.
“Yeah, that’s right,” you nod. “I saw you two over there on the playground, looked pretty heated. But do me a favor. Don’t come at me with that energy, because I’m too damn tired of it!”
When you walk away from him, Dean can’t help but stare after you. He knows he fucked that up, just as he knows that you don’t deserve him snapping at you. He’s just too irritated to admit it.
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For the entire week that follows, Dean finds himself distracted. He sticks to his word and helps Benny teach his son how to ride a bike in between their shifts at the firehouse, but Dean comes home each night feeling even more frustrated and drained than before. It’s too much, knowing Benny’s slowly but surely carving out a father-figure role in Robbie’s life.
These thoughts follow Dean to work, even while he climbs up the firetruck ladder in the rain. It’s parallel to a busted utility pole that still sparks with electricity, even in this torrential downpour. His task is to get up to the top and grab a large branch that’s tangled in the lines.
Rung after rung, he climbs. His safety mask protects his eyes from the rain, but he wishes they had some mini windshield wipers to keep his vision clear of the droplets pelting him in the face.
He also can’t help thinking of you. If Lisa’s right, then Benny’s about to become a more permanent fixture in Robbie’s life, and yours. 
Okay fine. It’s not like Dean expected you to be single forever, but did you really have to get with one of his best friends? Does it really have to be Benny, who seems so natural with Robbie, and more patient than Dean, and more of a support to you and Robbie than Dean can ever be?
And then there’s Lisa’s little ultimatum. He understands why she’s frustrated with him. Honestly, he’s surprised she’s stuck around this long. He knows she’s not going to wait too much longer for him to get his act together. For him to decide, as she put it.
It’s not that he’s not sure about her, it’s just that…
Just that what? he wonders.
He manages to grab the wily tree branch and maneuver it out of the power lines. 
He just doesn’t realize that his glove doesn’t have quite enough friction on the metal side panel of the ladder. Not only does his hand slip, but he’s forced to let go of the branch while he loses his balance. The branch falls to the sidewalk, far, far down below.
“Dean!” Benny shouts in alarm.
Luckily, the truck itself breaks Dean's fall.
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Holding Robbie’s hand tightly in yours is the only thing keeping you steady as you lead him through the hospital. After the receptionist had checked you both in and gave you the room number, you hastened down the hall and up to the right floor. 2005.
Robbie breaks into tears when he finally gets to see his dad, laid up though he is in his hospital bed. Your throat tightens at the sight of Dean hooked up to all those monitors. He has his arm wrapped up and fitted into a sling. He has a thick piece of gauze taped to the side of his face, covering a wide, angry abrasion, but he seems to be resting easy on his back. The bed is at an incline, with most of the overhead lights turned off.
Robbie rushes to the bed before you can stop him. He hesitantly touches Dean’s non-injured right hand. “Daddy?”
“Robbie, wait,” you say, keeping your voice quiet. You quickly go over to the bedside and grab ahold of Robbie’s shoulders, but Dean takes a deep breath. His eyelids crack open.
“Hey, buddy,” he says, attempting a smile. His voice is rough and weak, but at least he’s awake.
Robbie’s lower lip wobbles as tears fill his eyes again.
“Come ‘ere,” Dean says, a little stronger. When he reaches out to his son, the kid hops up onto the bed and buries his face into his father’s chest. Dean holds him as securely as he can, soothing his hand over the boy’s hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“It’s okay, little man. ‘M okay,” he promises. Robbie nods, but he still continues to cry.
You can’t help but do the same. Tears slip down your cheeks without your consent. Dean beckons you over too, gesturing with his chin and a slight smile. You’re more tentative in the way you sit down at the edge of his bed. You run your fingers through Robbie’s light brown hair to help reassure him. Then, you meet Dean’s gaze and lay a hand on his good shoulder. You don’t know whether you’re steadying him, or yourself.
“How do you feel?” you ask. “The hospital called me. Benny told me what happened.”
The thought reminds you to text your boyfriend. You hadn’t had a chance to tell him you made it here yet. He must be downstairs grabbing a bite to eat, because he’s the one who rode with Dean in the ambulance and has been with him for a while.
“The hospital called you?” Dean notes in slight confusion.
“Eileen told me that Sam is in court right now, so I must’ve been next on the list,” you say. He also must have taken Lisa off his emergency list the last time they broke up for almost a month. He probably forgot to update it again.
You reach out a hand to almost touch the bandage by his temple. Instead, you hesitantly hold the side of his face to see the area better. Dean closes his eyes for a moment. You can see he’s in pain. Your hand lingers on his cheek, but you know, deep down, that it shouldn’t.
Dean doesn’t stop you though. He lets out a deep breath, savoring how nice the gentle touch feels when the rest of his body feels battered to hell.
“Fell off the ladder. Was a stupid rookie move,” he explains, but when he sees that look on your face, he tries to inject a little more joking into a smile. “S’ not so bad.”
“You could’ve broken your head as well as your arm,” you say, more sharply than you mean to.
Robbie whimpers and clings tighter to Dean. You cover your mouth, as if you can trap the words back inside. You don’t want to upset your son more than he already is, so you fall silent. Another tear works its way down your cheek, but you brush it away. Dean shakes his head.
“Hey, I’m okay,” he reassures you too. He manages to smile as he pats Robbie’s back. “Right, buddy?”
The boy’s head perks up. His eyes are still shiny, but he smiles too. He’s not one to speak when he’s upset though, so he just curls up against Dean’s chest and hangs onto him. Dean rests his good arm snugly around him.
You smile and stroke Robbie’s back. Though your hand lowers, resting on Dean’s hand. You take in a deep breath to calm yourself down. Dean’s fingers curl around yours, prompting you to glance up into his eyes. The way he’s watching you is soft, grateful.
Until the door creaks open. Benny steps in with a subtle clearing of his throat. You jolt internally, and you slip your hand away from Dean’s. You offer your boyfriend a wan smile.
“Hey,” you say.
“Hey, baby.” He comes over and greets you with a kiss to the side of your head. He smiles at your son gently. “The gang’s all here.”
“Oh! Let me call Sam, and Lisa too. They still don’t know what’s going on,” you say. You get up from the bed to grab your phone out of your purse. Dean nods in agreement and thanks you, while Robbie plays with his dad's long fingers.
“How you holdin’ up, brother?” Benny asks, after you step out of the room. He settles into the chair near the foot of the bed.
“Ah, you know me. I’m like a cat. Always stick the landing,” Dean says, smiling lazily. The morphine is starting to kick in again.
Benny smirks. “Maybe you do got nine lives, the amount of close calls you like gettin’ yourself into.”
Dean’s good humor fades. He considers his son in his arms, and he shakes his head.
“Yeah, well, no more,” he says. He got a taste of what it would be like to leave his boy behind, and he’s not fucking doing it. He’s not leaving you to raise Robbie by yourself. The mere idea tears a new hole in his heart.
His eyes sting just enough that he has to blink a bit harder, swallowing past a thick well of emotion in his throat. He presses another kiss to the top of Robbie’s head. Then, Dean meets Benny’s gaze.
“Thank you,” he says, and he means it.
Benny nods.
“You got it, brother.”
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When Lisa steps off the hospital elevator on the second floor, you happen to be coming out of the bathroom to fix your racoon eyes. You’ve been crying way too much. You attempt to greet Lisa with something reassuring, but she cuts you off. 
“What happened, and why didn’t the hospital call me directly?” she asks.
Her tone is cutting, and it takes you aback.
“Well, Sam and I were listed as his emergency contacts—”
“Why?” she snaps. “You’re not his wife or his girlfriend. I should’ve been listed.”
Jesus Christ. At this point, you can’t help it. You’re too tired and emotionally drained to lasso in your temper with this woman.
“Maybe if you and Dean stayed together longer than five minutes at a time, he’d put you back on the short list,” you sling back. “But the truth is, you’ve never just…been there for Dean. Not without demanding something from him.”
Lisa scoffs incredulously. “Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you. You’re the reason he can’t commit to anything. You think your little world is the only one that matters, and you call Dean for any little thing! What, don’t you have a boyfriend to help fix your goddamn sink?” 
You open your mouth to retort, but you pause as her words seep into your mind. She might actually have a small point about that one. You realize then just how often you’ve been asking Dean for his help, not just with your apartment, but with your car, and other logistical things that usually have to with Robbie. Dean’s just such a good handyman, and you thought he genuinely liked being able to help…even though Benny did mention once or twice that he’d be just as happy to help you.
“Lisa, this is a lot more than a leaky sink. I just wanted to get here with Robbie and make sure Dean was okay,” you try to explain.
“Good. I’m glad his son was the first person Dean got to see when he woke up,” Lisa says. “But I should’ve been the second.”
She brushes past you before you can even think of what to say. You’re in a state of shock, feeling guilty, incensed, and on the verge of tears all at once.
A familiar voice calls your name, and you turn to Benny just as those tears begin to fall. He gathers you up into his arms and holds you there in the middle of the hallway.
“She shouldn’t talk to you like that, no matter how high tensions are today. I’ll talk to Dean,” Benny says. You shake your head and bury your face in his chest, clenching your fingers in his red flannel shirt. 
“No, it’s okay,” you reply, despite the sob that shudders through you. You’ve lost the will to fight.
Benny shakes his head and presses a kiss to your forehead. “It ain’t okay, baby.”
“Please, don’t bother Dean with this. Especially not right now,” you say. You take a moment to wipe your eyes and get ahold of yourself. “I’m gonna go get Robbie so Dean can rest.”
You can’t shake the feeling that Lisa is right. You do rely on Dean too much. You just don’t want to think about why that is.
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Dean makes a full recovery after a few months. He never does hear about what happened in that hallway, but he knows that things need to change. 
He decides to dig out his mom’s engagement ring from a locked box of his parents’ keepsakes, though he’s still waiting on the right time for it. He and Lisa start looking at houses though, for real this time. She hires a realtor and everything. 
He’s making a firm decision, and he thinks it’s the right one. He wants to be there for his son, but he doesn’t want to keep “spreading himself too thin.” He has to figure out how to set some roots, and some boundaries with you while he’s at it. He’ll just have to come to terms with the idea that he won’t get to be there for everything. 
He has to be okay with the fact that you’ll probably marry Benny. You’ll keep making him cookies and cakes, giving him your smile and your time and your body. And Robbie will probably think of Benny as more of a father than his own Weekend Dad. 
Meanwhile, you’ve spent the past few months keeping yourself in check as well. You’ve stopped calling Dean for help whenever something breaks down in your old-ass apartment. You try to keep your conversations less about life and troubles and whatever funny thing your students did that day in class, and more focused on Robbie–strictly about his schedule and his needs.
It’s kind of painful, if you’re honest with yourself. Sam will always be one of your closest friends from college, but in the past five years, Dean has truly become your best friend. Because you’ve told him things. The things that come from sharing a child with someone, like Sunday dinners with your parents, flipping through old yearbooks and childhood pictures—and the details of day-to-day schedules and little stupid things that happen in moments between moments.
Dean also knows the deep cuts. Like being pregnant and scared and breaking down crying on the side of the road. Like sharing the deepest well of your insecurities with someone who knows your body intimately, even if just for one amazing night...a night you’ve never quite been able to put out of your mind.
However, you know that things can’t stay the same. From now on, he just needs to be your son’s father. Nothing more, nothing less. 
So today, on a crisp April 24th, you’re getting ready for a highly anticipated evening with your boyfriend. Robbie is sleeping over your parents’ house, and Benny has been planning something special for your third-year anniversary. 
You slip into your new dress, a deep emerald green, with a pair of black heels you’ve rarely worn since before you got pregnant. Come to think of it, you were wearing these the night of Sam and Eileen’s bachelor-bachelorette party. The night you…well, the night Robbie was conceived. 
You shake your head to rid yourself of those thoughts. You even consider changing. 
You’re being silly, you shake your head. They’re just shoes. 
And yet. Thinking of that time so long ago, it reminds you of a recent Sunday dinner at your parents’ house.
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Two Months Ago...
Your parents live modestly, but comfortably in rural Kansas. Their ranch-style home boasts a creek in the backyard, where your dad is teaching your son how to catch minnows. Your mom is inside working on an apple pie, knowing it’s both Dean’s and Robbie’s favorite.
You and Dean have kept close to the house under the shade, sitting on a bench made more comfortable by a pair of old polyester cushions with red, faded flowers.
“How much longer do you have to wear that?” you ask Dean. He glances down at his cast-covered left arm.
“Doc says it’s about ready to come off,” he says.
You nod, allowing yourself a certain smile. “How bad are you itching to grab my mom’s garden shears and cut it off right here?”
“Woman, don’t tempt me,” he says, his lips twitching at a grin. “I’ve been eying those overgrown scissors for the past half hour.”
You laugh and take another sip of your glass. Yours holds sweet tea, while Dean’s has some of your dad’s favorite whiskey. You both raise your heads when Robbie yells across the backyard.
“I caught a minnow!”
“Good job, buddy,” Dean grins. “See if you can catch a marlin!”
“A marlin?” Robbie questions.
“Yeah, like that orange guy in Finding Nemo,” Dean calls back.
Your dad gives Dean the same wry look you do, though yours is tinged with more amusement.
“Dean, that’s a clown fish,” you say. “He’s not gonna find that in the creek.”
“Aw, shit,” he tries to quiet his laugh. “Ah well, should keep him occupied for another twenty minutes.”
You bite your lip to stifle your laughter as well. Though something else occurs to you the longer you watch your son play and explore in the creek. Your dad has the patience of a saint as he puts yet another bait worm on the hook for the kid.
“He’s starting to ask questions, you know,” you tell Dean, in a quieter voice. “‘Why aren’t you and Daddy married? Why can’t we all live together?’”
Dean's brows raise. His good humor dims when he looks over at you.
“What do you tell him?” he asks.
You take in a deep breath, considering your words now as carefully as you did with your son.
“That we care about each other a lot, as friends,” you say, meeting Dean’s eyes. “And we love Robbie very much. Nothing’s going to change that, even if you and I aren’t together like a normal mom and dad.”
Saying it like that makes your heart twinge, for more than one reason. The way Dean’s mouth twitches into a rueful smile just makes it worse, but you try your best to ignore it.
“I never thought about having to explain it to him,” he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.
It’s that anxious tell of his again. You notice every time he does it.
“I have,” you admit. “I just didn’t know for sure what I was going to say until it was coming out of my mouth.”
Dean smirks a little. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”
You roll your eyes and sip your drink, crossing your arms as well. Dean considers you then, looking at you in a way that makes you raise a brow in question.
“What?” you ask.
“Nothing, it’s just…” He sits back against the bench and rubs his hands down his jean-clad thighs. “For the record, I did try to ask you out once.”
“What?” you scoff incredulously. “No, you’ve been with Lisa since the beginning.”
“Before Lisa,” Dean says.
He isn’t joking. He isn’t teasing. He’s serious as he stares back at you with those green eyes of his. Your brows furrow as you wrack your brain. Did he drunkenly leave you a voicemail on one of those “off again” episodes between him and Lisa? No. You know you’d remember something like that.
“It was a few weeks after the bachelor party,” Dean says. “I called you up, remember?”
Your eyes widen. Finally, that jogs your memory.
“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition.
You have to laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.
“Dean, you did not ask me out,” you say. “You wanted to hook up. There’s a distinct difference.”
Dean frowns at you. “No, I was. I invited you over—”
“For essentially some Netflix and chill,” you retort.
“Hey, I offered to make you dinner,” he argues. “I didn’t say anything about hooking up.”
You pause at that. His earnest denial makes you actually think back to what you remember about that conversation on the phone.
“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition. “I could make us some burgers, toss in a couple of beers and a movie night,” he adds.
You cover your lips with your fingers as you begin to realize…
“That was you asking me out?” you ask incredulously.
Dean’s brows furrow and he throws his hands up. “What? Who doesn’t like a little movie night?”
“Dean,” you huff another laugh. “You could’ve made it sound more like a date.”
“Well, ‘scuse me. Sorry I couldn’t afford the Ritz at the time,” he grumbles.
You sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”
The more you think about it, the more you just shake your head at yourself. Why did you have to overthink it, like you do everything?
“Wow,” you say, softer and more contrite. “I honestly never thought…”
“Yeah,” he says. He shifts his gaze out ahead.
You glance over at him, now more unsure of yourself. He wouldn’t have any regrets, you think. He has Lisa. As much as they go at it, they always inevitably get back together. And now you know they hired a realtor. They’re about to start making solid steps forward.
But Dean surprises you with another question.
“Do you think if…”
He doesn’t finish it, but you think you know what he’s asking. You hesitate, your fingers flexing around your glass that beads with condensation. You set the glass down beside you. 
Just as you open your mouth to reply—
“All right, pie is cooling and dinner is served!” your mom calls out. Her head pokes out of the sliding glass door to the backyard. You offer a smile, trying to hide how you jolted in your seat.
“Okay, thanks, Mom,” you nod.
You turn back to Dean, who also hesitates. His eyes meet yours, but all too soon, he locks the moment away.
Bracing his hands on his knees, he rocks to his feet and goes out to get Robbie and help your dad bring in the fishing gear.
You grab Dean’s whiskey along with your tea on your way back inside the house. You consider the amber liquid disturbed in his glass, and you down the rest yourself. The burn down your throat is a good distraction. If he asks about it, you’ll say you got the glasses confused.
You know you’ll have to leave that conversation unfinished at the foot of the bench.
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Now...
Benny comes by your apartment and helps you into the passenger side of his pickup truck, like the gentleman he is. He takes you to a nice restaurant in downtown, much nicer than the usual sports bar or kid-friendly restaurant. You're very much looking forward to eating at a restaurant that doesn't feature chicken fingers or "kiddie" corn dogs.
“This is gonna be really expensive,” you whisper to him, after he hands his keys over to the valet. 
Benny squeezes your hand in his, leaning over to kiss your temple. 
“Don’t you worry about that. We both deserve a night out.” His blue eyes gleam with amusement. However, his gaze gentles, becoming more sincere. “You work hard, carin’ for everybody around you. How about you let me take care of you for once.”
Your eyes begin to water, your throat constricting with emotion. You rub his arm gratefully.
“Thank you,” you say. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.” 
It’s always easy with Benny. Nice and simple and easy. Nice, supportive, and considerate.
Nice and safe.
That thought follows you while you and Benny walk into to the restaurant. He’s reserved great seats in the back corner, overlooking a beautiful courtyard. It’s decorated with hydrangeas and light wood dining tables, all framed with a rod iron archway as the sun begins to set just so. After holding your chair out for you before he sits himself, Benny orders a bottle of champagne to kick things off.
He turns to you with a somewhat nervous look in his eyes, like he's steeling himself. It’s uncharacteristic of Benny, who’s always so calm and charming and sure of himself. It makes a zing of anticipation run down your spine, and…a dash of fear. You don’t know why, and you don’t know how to beat the feeling down as you fidget in your seat.
He subtly clears his throat, then takes your hand. “Sweetheart, I know I’m not all that good at the words you’re supposed to say. But I can say that the past three years with you and Robbie, it’s come to mean the world to me.”
Your smile softens. He brushes his thumb over the back of your hand, encouraged by your reaction.
“So I think it’s time I made it clear where I stand, and how much I want to be the man in your life,” he says.
Your eyes begin to widen in shock, but not for the reason he thinks.
“Dean,” you gasp.
Benny’s expression slackens. “What?”
You point over his shoulder, and Benny turns to follow your line of vision. Dean and Lisa have just walked into the restaurant. They notice you pointing their way, and they both pause in surprise as well. Lisa is beautiful as usual in a slinky black dress, completely backless (something you feel you could never pull off, unless you had an invisible bra to keep the girls perked up).
Dean is…well, you’ve very rarely seen him in a suit, but charcoal gray works for him. The open collar and white buttoned-down works for him, as do the three top buttons he’s left undone, showing a tantalizing strip of tanned skin. He stares back at you like he forgot you live in the same time zone, let alone the same zip code.
“Uh, hey!” he casts out an awkward wave, before he makes his way over to you and Benny. Lisa is less than enthused.
“We shouldn’t interrupt their night,” you catch her whisper to him, but Dean doesn’t seem to hear her.
“What’s up, party people! Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh?” Dean says, a little too loudly when he thumps Benny on the back. Benny grunts, giving a bit of a forced chuckle.
“Dean,” he greets. “I think I told you about this particular gin joint. Good to see you can actually clean up once in a while.”
“Ah, you know what, this monkey suit ain’t too bad,” Dean says, pulling at his collar.
You smirk in amusement. “Yeah, I remember how much you complained about wearing a simple tie for Robbie’s Christmas pageant.”
He smirks down at you. “Hey, ties still might not be my thing, but nothing wrong with a sharp collar.”
He pops his for emphasis. You don’t know why it makes you laugh, but it does. Maybe it’s just his face and the silly, endearing expression he makes when he pouts his lips in a “blue steel.”
“So, is this just a night out, or you guys celebrating something special?” Dean asks, gesturing at the champagne bottle and your full glasses of bubbly.
Benny gives his friend a certain look. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. Today’s three years.”
He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. You smile back at him, though you’re a bit self-conscious at the way both he and Dean, and even Lisa have their attention on you.
“We should let you guys get back to it then,” Lisa says.
Honestly, it’s a relief. You and Benny nod, wishing them a goodnight.
For some reason, you notice how Dean’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But he goes with Lisa, laying a hand on the small of her back. You force yourself to tear your eyes away from them and refocus on Benny. You take up your champagne glass and raise it in offering.
“All right, where were we?” you ask, if with a nervous trill in your belly.
Benny smiles. He takes up his glass and clinks it with yours.
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Lisa nearly sighs. She and Dean are back in line at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. The second time she catches Dean glancing over at the table where you and Benny sit, she shakes her head and digs into her purse for the valet card. She’s done with this.
“I think maybe we should go to a different restaurant,” she says.
That finally earns Dean’s attention, mostly confused. “What, why?”
She just gives him a long look.
He realizes that whatever her reasons are, it’s easier to just give in than to fight her on it. He’s learning when to pick his battles. Or is he just giving up?
Also, if tonight’s “the night” he thinks it is for you and Benny, maybe he doesn’t want to stick around after all. Three years, huh?
“All right, fine. Let’s go,” he agrees.
Dean and Lisa wait for the valet to bring the Impala around. The minute he gets behind the wheel and turns the key into the ignition, she changes her mind.
“Look, let’s just go home,” she says. “I don’t really feel like eating out anymore.”
Dean’s brows raise. “What? Aw, come on. We’re already dressed and everything. You look great, Lis. Just tell me where you wanna eat.”
Lisa remains firm, with a small shake of her head. “Please, Dean, just take me home.”
After a moment of indecision, Dean sighs. He revs the ignition and does as she says.
It’s only a fifteen-minute drive back to their apartment, but in that stifling silence, it seems to drag on for a small eternity. He glances at her a couple of times. Lisa has her arms crossed as she stares out the window, watching the other restaurants and mom-and-pops shops and forest trees and old houses of Lebanon, Kansas go by.
Dean counts it a blessing when they’re finally home. He walks up the few short steps up to their ground-floor apartment and unlocks the door. He flicks on the lights inside, and she breezes past him to toss her purse onto the couch.
Dean takes off his blazer and begins to undo the buttons on his cuffs. He watches her all the while, knowing that a storm is brewing. She shucks off her heels and slowly paces the living room on bare feet, like her whirling thoughts are fueling every step.
“All right, I give. What’s going on?” Dean asks. “What’d I do this time?”
She pauses, with her back turned to him.
Shit, he thinks. He shouldn’t have said it like that.
He prepares for the inevitable blow up, but it never comes. Lisa just heaves a sigh. Slowly she turns, and Dean’s shocked and dismayed to see the tears welling up in her deep brown eyes. He makes quick strides toward her, but she raises a hand to keep him at bay.
“Dean, when you picture yourself happy, truly happy,” she says. “Is it with me? Can you imagine yourself marrying me? Buying the house, having kids, growing old together?”
If Dean was thrown for a loop before, he’s even more stunned by her question. “Lis…”
“Just be honest, for once,” she pleads. Her tears begin to brim over, but she blinks, somehow keeping them at bay.
It’s a bit too long before Dean realizes that he can’t give her an answer. At least, not the one he knows she wants to hear.
When he thinks of that picture in his mind, of course he sees his son. But the only other person Dean can imagine there beside him is…
“I…” He wills his mouth to work, but nothing else comes out.
The only face he can conjure is yours. Your eyes are warm and welcoming, your smile as bright and contagious as your laugh.
The only voice he can hear is yours, gentle and strong at the same time.
The only one he can see is you.
He knows the shampoo you use and the perfume you like to wear, how the sweet and floral scents mix together and linger in your hair and on your skin.
Even now he remembers the contours of your body, and how it could fit so well against his. He knows that you used to try and hide your shape under loose, baggy shirts and cargo pants that did nothing for you. He knows how much courage it took you to wear that red dress to his brother’s party, because you told him once, at one of those Sunday dinners at your parents’ house.
Come to think of it, there’s not a whole lot that Dean doesn’t know about you, except maybe what you see when you look at him.
“You love her,” Lisa finishes for him. “I think you always have.”
Dean’s throat tightens. Somehow he swallows anyway, and he shakes his head. 
“Lisa, I loved you.”
“Maybe you did, in your own way,” she says, laughing a little through her tears as she wipes them away. “But you already have a family, Dean. Go fight for it.” 
Dean doesn’t know what to say, but he knows what he can do.
He goes to her and kisses her cheek. 
“I’m so sorry,” he says. 
Lisa merely nods, wiping her face dry. She watches Dean Winchester walk out of her apartment, and out of her life for good this time. 
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Dean calls your cell, but it goes to voicemail. He drives all the way back to the restaurant and doesn’t find you or Benny there. 
Dean realizes that what he’s doing, what he plans to do, is not fucking cool. He wouldn’t blame you or even Benny for being severely pissed when Dean shows up. He also knows that he can’t let another day pass where he keeps lying to you, and himself. 
He eventually finds you at home. What’s weird is that Benny’s truck isn’t in the driveway—just your car. He knocks on your door, and he waits.
He unconsciously holds his breath while he waits in that terrible existence of limbo. However, his heart thrums back to life when he hears your footsteps drawing closer to the door. Anticipation, excitement, dread, it all roils together inside him like a bad cocktail as the door swings open.
And he’s once again rendered a bit breathless at the sight of you in that dress. The color alone appeals to him, let alone the way it accentuates your every curve, from full breasts to the swell of your hips, the softer slope of your thighs, and bare toes painted. You’re fucking delectable, every curve, and a temptation without you even meaning to be. 
You’re just…you’re still so goddamn beautiful, like the night he first saw you. Even now, he can almost feel the give of your thighs under his hands, his fingers pressed to supple flesh. 
But then he’s drawn to your face, and your wide eyes full of surprise. Your mascara is a bit smudged though. Your eyes are red too, like you’ve been crying. His brows furrow in concern.
“Dean, what’re you doing here?” you ask.
“I need to talk to you, but uh…did something happen?” he asks. “You okay?”
You’re reluctant to tell him. Did Benny say something to upset you? Or was it something he did?
“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say.
Instinctively, Dean knows it’s a lie.
“This isn’t a good time though,” you say, after clearing your throat. “Can we do this tomorrow, maybe?”
Dean leans a hand on the doorframe.
“Please, it’s important,” he says. His eyes implore you harder than his words. Please.
That does it. A sigh passes through your lips, but you let him in. He knows Robbie is with your parents for the night, which actually makes this easier.
Once he steps inside the apartment, Dean does notice that your bedroom door is open. Half the drawers to your dresser are open too, and empty. Certain frames that used to be on your coffee table are no longer there, like the one of you, Benny, and Robbie on a camping trip. 
“You want some coffee, or soda?” you ask. 
Dean declines and grasps your arm before you can busy yourself into “hostess” mode. He leads you to the couch, where you both sit down together.
“What happened tonight?” he asks. “Where’s Benny?”
Your lower lip wobbles, the beginning of your telltale cry face. Dean knows his son gets it from you, and it always breaks his heart. He squeezes your arm gently, trying to ground you.
“Benny proposed to me tonight,” you confess, taking in a sharp breath. “He proposed, and I couldn’t give him an answer.” 
You shake your head as the tears sting hot in your eyes. 
“He got so upset, he just—he left!” You throw your hands up. “But honestly, I don’t blame him.”
Dean tries to comfort you as you try and fail to wipe at your face. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, cupping your cheek to brush the tears away himself. 
“Why couldn’t you answer him?” he asks. 
You look up at Dean, and you finally notice the shine of hope in his eyes. Dean touches your cheek more tenderly. 
“Does it mean I have a chance here?” he asks.
Despite what your eyes tell you, you still gape at him in shock. “What? But…what about Lisa?”
“It’s over. For good this time,” Dean shakes his head. “I realized what I wanted for my life, and where my heart is…”
And he chuckles weakly. “Truth is, you’ve had it the whole time, sweetheart.”
You begin to crumble all over again. You pull away from him and his touch, because you can’t believe it. You cover your face with your hands, sniffling as you try to make sense of his words, his touch, and the warm flutter threatening to brim happiness in your heart.
“God, Dean. You can't just..."
"I mean it," he insists.
You're still reluctant to take him seriously...no matter how much you want to. It's a conflicting realization that hurts, and makes you feel stupid for taking so long to figure it out, and makes you hate yourself for hoping his words are true.
"Come the morning, you’re going to change your mind,” you reason, without looking at him. “Like you’ve done with Lisa a thousand times.”
“No,” Dean says firmly. He shifts closer and prompts you to look at him, really look at him.
“Not about this, and you know it,” he says, catching and holding your gaze. “That’s why you couldn’t say yes to Benny. Because you know what we’ve got. It’s the real deal.”
You still look uncertain, even though you can’t bring yourself to pull away this time. Dean has always had this way of looking into the very depths of you, like he can actually see every thought as it passes through your mind.  
“I should’ve said yes,” you say. “I can rely on Benny. I know he would stay by my side, and…and I know he won’t hurt me.”
Not like I’ve just hurt him, you think. Guilt still pricks at your heart. The last thing you ever wanted to do was lead him on, and yet, that’s what you’d done, wasn’t it? You thought you had loved him. You’re sure that you did, but maybe it just wasn’t the kind of love that could reach down deep and grab you, set your blood on fire, and make you ache when the burn was gone.
That spark licks across your skin when Dean takes your hands.  
“What if I want to be that guy for you,” he says.
You allow yourself to look at him. Really look at him.
You know Dean. When he gets an idea in his head, it inhabits every bone and shred of muscle in his body. There’s no mistaking his resolve, or the steady grip of his hands over yours.
“If you let me, I’ll stay. I won’t leave you,” he says. In his eyes, there’s a firm promise. “I can be the guy you rely on. The man you can trust. The man who’s gonna love you, come whatever. Because now I know what it means. I know how it feels.”
You bite your lower lip against the smile that wants to surface.
“Are you sure?” you ask.
Dean smiles for you. “If you wanna know the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been loving you since the day I heard Robbie’s heartbeat for the first time.” 
Your tears flow harder at that. A shaky breath escapes you, though it does nothing to steady you. Dean strokes your cheek gently with his thumb. 
“Please, just give me this one chance,” he asks. Begs, really. 
He doesn’t have to though. You nod, just a little. 
“Okay,” you agree. “Let’s try.”
Dean's smile spreads slow, but warm across his face. It’s your favorite kind, the kind that crinkles his eyes. 
He leans in and claims your lips with his own. The passion of it is familiar, but you don't think it’s the same as five years ago. Now, there’s an underlying note of tenderness in his touch and each new way he tastes you deeper. He holds nothing back this time, and neither do you. 
Your fingers tangle in his shirt, and then in his hair as you moan into his mouth. “Dean.”
“Yeah, sweetheart?” he answers against your lips, though he doesn’t give you much room to keep talking.
You haven’t heard him call you sweetheart in a long time. You feel your heart knitting back together, stitch by stitch. Tears sting in your eyes anew, but you squeeze your eyes shut against them.
“I…”
You can’t even continue the breathless thought. You hold his face desperately between your hands, pressing your forehead to his for a moment as you both catch your breath. But this man is like the sweetest, most seductive vice. Now that you’ve gotten another hit, you can’t resist. You no longer want to.
His arms wrap around you more securely, and he leans in to lure you back into his kiss. His tongue breaches past your lips to curl along yours with tantalizing strokes. His hands slowly move down your back and along your waist.
“Mmm, missed the hell outta this,” he groans into your mouth. Your heart flutters again at the way he holds you, the way his big hands squeeze you and feel you.
You let him guide you down onto the sofa cushions. He slots himself between your bare thighs and runs his hand up familiar smooth skin, bunching the skirt of your dress higher as he goes. He aims to get himself reacquainted with every soft part of you that welcomes him back.
For once, the gates around your hearts swing free. 
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Dean never imagined that his own son would hand him the ring he gives to his wife, but today, it just feels like symmetry. He grins and winks at Robbie.
“Thanks, buddy,” Dean says.
His son’s beaming grin is wide and toothy, but the boy takes his job very seriously and delivers the other ring to you. You smile brightly and caress his cheek after you take the shining, white gold band from him. It matches the thinner band that Dean has for you; it'll soon join the engagement ring that once belonged to his mother.
Robbie had liked Benny a lot, but he loves his dad. He’s probably the happiest person in the room to see his parents take each other’s hands in front of the minister. 
Benny is understandably absent in the chapel today. You had met with him after that night of your botched anniversary to apologize to him, and so had Dean. Benny understood. He’d admitted that in the back of his mind, he feared this might happen.
“I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me,” you said to him. “You can even hate me if you want.” Benny gave you a wry, melancholy sort of smile. “Part of me’s still mad at you, I won’t lie…but there’s no use in it. Not even hating you.”
Even though Benny bowed out, carrying his hurt and his grief on those broad shoulders, letting you go meant letting go of a friend too. He put in his paperwork to transfer out of Firehouse 83.
As he’d told Dean himself that day, and in fact, the last words Benny said to him…
“There you go, Lieutenant. A spot’s just opened up.”
Dean didn’t want to get promoted this way. He felt guilty enough as it was, and not just for Benny leaving the firehouse. Benny recommended Dean to the Chief himself though, saying that if they were going to give someone a Lieutenant’s badge, it may as well be the guy who got a perfect score on his test, and had the natural leadership skills to boot.
To the end, Benny was a gentleman.
Now, Sam beckons his nephew over. Robbie quickly goes to his uncle’s side and puffs his little chest out as he stands proud behind his dad. 
Dean is able to take you in, your beautiful white dress, and everything about you that makes him smile…including the way you smile back at him.
Man and wife is all he hears. It’s all he needs to hear, before he’s pulling you closer by your newly anointed hand. He dips you for a thorough kiss in front of all your family and friends. 
You squeal in surprise, making Dean smile hard enough for his cheeks to hurt. Giggling hard enough to make you tremble, you raise a hand to caress his cheek. But you give him another real kiss after he guides you back up to your feet.
“I love you,” you whisper against his lips. The words are just for him to hear. Dean pulls back enough to see the truth shining in your eyes. Beautiful.
“Can’t help it, right?” he teases. 
You smile in amusement, but you grab his chin and shake it. 
“You got me,” you reply. “I really, really can’t.”
Your beaming smile softens. Even though the entire room is clapping and hooting and hollering in celebration, in that moment, all you really see is Dean. 
Here in his arms, you know that this is where you were meant to end up. From now on, it’s where you’re meant to be.
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AN: From Lisa and Benny to Robbie and everything in between. Dean and the reader certainly aren't perfect in this, but what do you think about how their story unfolded? I truly hope you guys enjoy this one, because I've had so much fun with it. 🥰❤️❤️‍🔥
**As a reminder, One More Day (Dean x Latina Plus-Sized!Reader) comes out on 4/04 - the day after my birthday!~
Until then, please let me know what you thought of If I Stay! 😘 I might write more for these two in the future...
"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?"
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Dean Winchester Tag List (Part 1):
@luci-in-trenchcoats @lamentationsofalonelypotato @winchestergirl2 @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373
@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007 @mostlymarvelgirl @kaleldobrev
@globetrotter28 @midnightmadwoman @chevroletdeanwrites @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78
@waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @0ccvltism
@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl
@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx
@mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @cheynovak @jollyhunter
@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad
@kmc1989 @siampie @rubyvhs @masked-lost-girl @spnbabe67
@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @supernotnatural2005 @redhoodieone
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curlicuecal · 5 months ago
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playing science telephone
Hi folks. Let's play a fun game today called "unravelling bad science communication back to its source."
Journey with me.
Saw a comment going around on a tumblr thread that "sometimes the life expectancy of autism is cited in the 30s"
That number seemed..... strange. The commenter DID go on to say that that was "situational on people being awful and not… anything autism actually does", but you know what? Still a strange number. I feel compelled to fact check.
Quick Google "autism life expectancy" pulls up quite a few websites bandying around the number 39. Which is ~technically~ within the 30s, but already higher than the tumblr factoid would suggest. But, guess what. This number still sounds strange to me.
Most of the websites presenting this factoid present themselves as official autism resources and organizations (for parents, etc), and most of them vaguely wave towards "studies."
Ex: "Above And Beyond Therapy" has a whole article on "Does Autism Affect Life Expectancy" and states:
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The link implies that it will take you to the "research studies" being referenced, but it in fact takes you to another random autism resource group called.... Songbird Care?
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And on that website we find the factoid again:
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Ooh, look. Now they've added the word "some". The average lifespan for SOME autistic people. Which the next group erased from the fact. The message shifts further.
And we have slightly more information about the study! (Which has also shifted from "studies" to a singular "study"). And we have another link!
Wonderfully, this link actually takes us to the actual peer-reviewed 2020 study being discussed. [x]
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And here, just by reading the abstract, we find the most important information of all.
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This study followed a cohort of adolescent and adult autistic people across a 20 year time period. Within that time period, 6.4% of the cohort died. Within that 6.4%, the average age of death was 39 years.
So this number is VERY MUCH not the average age of death for autistic people, or even the average age of death for the cohort of autistic people in that study. It is the average age of death IF you died young and within the 20 year period of the study (n=26), and also we don't even know the average starting age of participants without digging into earlier papers, except that it was 10 or older. (If you're curious, the researchers in the study suggested reduced self-sufficiency to be among the biggest risk factors for the early mortality group.)
But the number in the study has been removed from it's context, gradually modified and spread around the web, and modified some more, until it is pretty much a nonsense number that everyone is citing from everyone else.
There ARE two other numbers that pop up semi-frequently:
One cites the life expectancy at 58. I will leave finding the context for that number as an exercise for the audience, since none of the places I saw it gave a direct citation for where they were getting it.
And then, probably the best and most relevant number floating around out there (and the least frequently cited) draws from a 2023 study of over 17,000 UK people with an autism diagnosis, across 30 years. [x] This study estimated life expectancies between 70 and 77 years, varying with sex and presence/absence of a learning disability. (As compared to the UK 80-83 average for the population as a whole.)
This is a set of numbers that makes way more sense and is backed by way better data, but isn't quite as snappy a soundbite to pass around the internet. I'm gonna pass it around anyway, because I feel bad about how many scared internet people I stumbled across while doing this search.
People on quora like "I'm autistic, can I live past 38"-- honey, YES. omg.
---
tl;dr, when someone gives you a number out of context, consider that the context is probably important
also, make an amateur fact checker's life easier and CITE YOUR SOURCES
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dollyichi · 4 months ago
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A LITTLE MYSTERY NEVER HURT ANYBODY . . . pro-hero katuski bakugou x f ! actress reader. m—dni / fluff / hints of ‘tension’ and maybe suggestive… / established relationship / little smau at the end / not proofread / minors don’t read this !!
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despite being a fairly new actress, you were able to catch the attention and hearts of the fans from your recent debut just two years ago. becoming a highly in-demand star, given every project possible just to be seen on the screen. however, you kept a secret. that one secret that could cause a frenzy, that the beloved actress of the nation is dating the one and only pro-hero dynamight.
they all assumed that they definitely knew the both of you are in a relationship… somehow. you had that certain glow and katsuki definitely made it sure that he’s not available. no matter how many fans tried to flirt, no matter how many interviews he’s gone through he says one thing very clear, “got a pretty girl already.” however, nobody knew it was with the two of you together.
countless articles are read about you, how you were overheard with a director from your upcoming series that you wanted to avoid any romantic scenes or a partner in general. which boosted more speculation on your ‘mysterious’ love life.
now, your manager says that she got you booked with a new project. you’ll be in a promotional shoot with a pro-hero for a fashion campaign with an upcoming designer. “that’s fine right? you’d be with someone in the shoot though.” your manager says. you shrug, looking over at the recent line the designer put out.
“it’s fine. no point in declining opportunities right?”
she nods enthusiastically, “that’s the spirit! we were actually surprised the team agreed immediately when they found out it was you. i heard they only accepted solo projects for him.”
you smile, “well whoever it’ll be i’m sure we’ll do great.”
the moment you step foot on the set, you were immediately greeted by the designer themselves. “y/n you’re so beautiful, you’re so perfect for us!”
“thank you for believing in me! please take care of me well.” you bow and was brought to your own dresser. quickly dressed in a silk robe and getting your makeup done. your hair was in curlers, the team taking their sweet time to make sure they enhanced your features for the shoot.
you hear a knock on your door, and you could hear your manager gasp when she opens it. peeking at the mirror with one eye, you see a familiar figure walking towards you, messing with the collar of his shirt.
“hey baby.” voice raspy and hoarse. now everyone in the room was shocked. looking at the two of you. to top it all off, katsuki places a quick kiss to your cheek and getting a stool to sit beside you.
your manager definitely felt like she was gonna faint. she had no idea what this was or when, or even how. everyone else was also in shock and confused, felt like time stopped somehow.
why is he now acting all lovey dovey in public? is what they all, including you, wondered.
“fuck baby you’re looking too pretty.” you giggle, trying to stay in place while the makeup artist adds their finishing touches. “thank you katsuki, no wonder you agreed to this shoot.” you say. the makeup artist finally says you’re done, you were all ready, just needed to change into the outfit.
katsuki was in a fitted velvet button up shirt with low-rise slacks. only the middle section of the shirt was buttoned, and for the first time in your career, your professionalism was definitely getting tested. just a little lower you could probably catch a glimpse of his happy trail. “who allowed you to wear that?” you motion with your head. but before he could answer you’re already turned around, moving behind the divider to dress up.
“aw come on, i know you fuckin’ like it.” he says loudly, then followed by the door closing. suddenly the staff was all on you after you stepped out. complimenting how you looked so good, how you’re going to be the new face of the brand after this. but most especially, the elephant in the room.
“i know everyone’s thinking you have a boyfriend but… dynamight?!”
“where, when, why, and how?”
“i never saw him speak that sweetly to anyone before….”
“i thought it was another celebrity! this is really unexpected.”
lots and lots of questions but they were immediately shut down by your manager who wanted to maximize the time. “we still got a shoot. y/n can tell us the details another time.” she gives you that look that reads ‘you better tell me everything’ and you give her an apologetic smile.
you take a look in the mirror, seeing how you matched with him. in a tight velvet dress that hugged your figure really well, probably a piece from the earlier collections. it’s pretty, the skirt is slanted with peaks of ruffled tulle.
you’re start walking to the set where katsuki was already waiting. “oh our princess! you look amazing.” the designer says, holding his hands to his chest. “i knew you and dynamight would look amazing together, i thank you both really.”
you grab their hands, “i’m really happy you paired me with him too!”
you approach katsuki with a smile, and he’s already grinning at you. “well shit this might be the hardest job i’ve taken yet.” he chuckles, placing a hand on your back to help you on the extravagant set.
you’re shining so bright and in your element that he’s just happy to be there. yet, the whole time he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off you, how his hold on you lingered, wanting to touch you even more, even deeper. despite the director giving clear directions that you followed with no fuss, he on the other hand just has to have a hand on you. but it definitely gave an effect on each shot.
katsuki couldn’t help but keep his eyes on you, eyes glimmering with desire. and how you’re looking at him with such a cool glare—it just felt so out of character for the both of you. who’s usually so sweet and him who’s usually so out for reach. “think i need you in this dress when i take you home.” he would whisper. and you’ll playfully hit him on his arm.
when you prepare for the next shot he’d always tell you things that’d rile you up. and when nobody’s paying attention he’d be looking you up and down. “bet you’re even prettier under this fuckin’ dress.”
even in between clothing changes you both looked picture perfect. both complementing each other’s visuals. he’d sneak you out from time to time to get a smooch here and there, resulting in the makeup artists on the set to fix him up because his and your lipsticks would smudge, wondering why he gets messed up all of a sudden.
“you’re so damn pretty baby. too bad the makeup’s gonna get ruined when we get home.”
“stop teasin’ during work kats…”
the last shot had you both seated on the carpet. it was sexy, your hand’s on his bare chest and he’s leaning in towards you with a finger under you chin. the two of you together felt magnetic. it’s so interesting to everyone in that room how the hero who’s usually uncontrollable became so compliant because if you. overall, it just felt too romantic, that petals of roses were somehow seen falling down on the both of you while you posed.
what was most unexpected was how katsuki really enjoyed being in front of a camera, as long as it’s with you (might’ve gotten a few ‘creative’ ideas too). he’s definitely making one of these photos his wallpaper when they upload it.
and the next day, that one shot trended all over the internet. blasted all over the digital billboards in the city too. finally seeing the elegant y/n who seemed to have helped show a new side of the pro-hero to the public.
showering the brand with praises and how much of a ‘genius’ they were for even choosing the two of you as the muses. because it really was just a coincidence that the owner was a fan of you both.
then there goes the online articles, the video complications, the noise that just won’t die down. tweets and photos, even a sudden rise in fanpages. dynamight and y/n, and the public that’s trying to piece every evidences of your interactions. how they were all tricked that your relationship was just under their noses. how in events you’re always seen together, or how your car was spotted in his neighborhood that one time. or when katsuki always keeps saying in interviews that his favorite shows and media always had you in it—main lead or not. the way nobody caught it even when you mentioned that dynamight was one of your favorite heroes. even showing them a small plushie charm that you carried on you hanged on your bag—everyone was stunned.
still, neither of you confirmed anything, yet.
till the moment the official account of the brand posted all the shots of you together, and it was very obvious how the two of you were actually in love, like the head over heels type.
well, the both of you are gonna have more projects together soon for sure.
bonus!
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do not copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost my works
note : i really like this actress au i’m definitely gonna make more 😔🙏 different versions for sure
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angelyuji · 15 days ago
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yandere mark grayson
might be a little ooc lowkey... sorry.
tw // stalking, nolan is an enabler, yandere behavior, emotional manipulation, honestly nothing too crazy compared to what ive written in the past
mark grayson x reader
im gonna talk mostly about story mark and not the variants but ill add a couple cutesy little remarks at the end
markie poo is very intense as a yandere, not in the kidnapping sort of sense but like emotionally
you’d probably meet him in college and start off as friends
he’s def the type to fall in love at first sight tho like he sees you and its like some angelic light bathed you
he was in awe
he def uses his powers to stalk you and figure out everything about you
william lowkey encourages it too cause…. he seems like the type to stalk his crushes (he’s a normal person so its like kinda a normal amount)
anyway he doesn’t really realize how he’s following you or watching you until someone points it out (eve) and he’s like “omg im so evil im so bad and evil and i should die”
and he confesses it to his parents cuz who knows better than him? mama y papa!!
“im so sorry, i know i shouldn’t use my powers to stalk (y/n). i know what im doing is wrong. i just like them… so so much.” mark buries his head in his hands, too ashamed to look at his parents.
he hears his mom sigh, “mark what you’ve been doing is-” she stops. mark looks up to see his dad whisper into her ear. she bites her lip before nodding. debbie pulls him into a hug before leaving the room to go upstairs. mark feels tears well up in his eyes, seeing the disappointment in his mom’s eyes.
“mark.” he looks over at his dad. “come here, son.” nolan pats the space next to him on the couch. mark hesitantly, moves to sit next to his father. “i sent your mother away because i needed to explain something to you. something she would never understand.” his father’s voice was low. mark swallows, trepidation building. “when i first met your mother, she had rejected me.” he sits back, “and i loved her more for it. everyday i would watch her, where she worked, where she lived, who she spent time with, everything, mark. i needed to know more about her, i wanted for her to be mine… i was-” nolan barks out a laugh, “i was willing to take her away from everything if she would’ve rejected me again.” he looks over at mark, “fortunately for all of us, your mom agreed for a date and now… here we are.” nolan smiles, wistfully. mark stays silent, processing everything. nolan pats his son on the knee, “what i’m trying to say, son, is that what you’re doing is normal. you are my son, of course you could love like i do.” nolan ruffles mark’s hair before standing up.
“but mom-”
“what your mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her, mark. and what (y/n) doesn’t know won’t hurt them.”
i made up that nolan did all that, but like…. who would be surprised if he actually did lol
anyway, nolan highkey made mark worse becuz why would u say all that, man… (i made him say it but that’s beside the point)
mark doesn’t even have his own place yet, so kidnapping is off the table and with papa nolan in space, he knows debbie won’t be down for him bringing back a gagged you lol
if ur single, he’ll just push and push and push until you’re like omg fine ill go on a date with you
he’ll do everything right just so you won’t think about not dating him
he doesn’t want to tell you that he’s invincible but if it means you’ll trust him to protect you, he’ll do tell u
he’s very very very overprotective
if you’re in danger… everybodys dying he does not gaf
if ur in a relationship, ur partner’s going missing… sorry to them but mark will swoop in while you’re grieving and then bam somehow you guys are dating
he would never hurt you, but he would hurt other people to get to you/make you realize you’ll never escape him
like father like son as they say
anyway some quickie thoughts about invincible war before we move on
the moment those unhinged freaks stepped foot into this universe, they’re gonna find you
similar to that moment in the show where the burned looking mark when home to fake-cry to kill debbie, smth like that except they show up and take you with them
anyway i have similar thoughts but mostly about omni-mark and the other freaked up mark #needthatbad
they’re sooo obsessed with u but its hard to give a generalized behavior headcanon cuz each of my freaks are so different
also before i go, i wanna go back to when i said he’s very emotionally intense
he’ll twist your words and make you feel bad for rejecting him/not listening to him
mark would def use his fears to make you do what he wants
“mark, i need to get to class.” you try to pull yourself out of his grasp, but his hands go back around your waist. the two of you lay naked next to each other in your dorm after he had come back from patrol, you can see his suit peeking out from under the bed as you try to pull yourself away once more.
“(y/n), please don’t go.” you turn to look at your boyfriend, he pouts as he pulls you closer. he buries his head into your chest and you feel your face get hot.
“mark, i have to go to class. i’ve already missed 3 lectures because of you.” you push yourself away and off the bed. you feel his hand clasp onto yours. “mark.” you frown and look back, annoyed, when you see his tears. “oh my god, mark,” you immediately fold, holding him close.
“i just… i’m sorry i know you have to go to class, but i was so worried with everything that’s happening. i had- i had a nightmare i lost you.” his voice was thick as he held back his tears. he presses his lips against yours, rough and needy. you let him; your heart heavy as you feel the weight on his shoulders. “i can’t lose you, (y/n). you’re my… you’re my everything, i can’t survive without you.” you let him kiss you once more, letting him pour his love into you. soon, you find yourself wrapped up in his touch. his lips against every part of you, his hands caressing your skin, his voice whispering sweetly into your ears. you missed your classes once more as mark held you tight. “i won’t survive without you, (y/n)…” his voice lulls you back to sleep, “and i won’t let you leave me.”
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icequeenbae · 4 months ago
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Initiation (m) | HHJ, YJI
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Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader x Jeongin
Werewolf AU, mates, PWP, fluff, smut
Warnings: explicit content, unprotected sex, threesome (duh), oral, mating, knotting, marking, some possessiveness if you squint (softdom!Hyunjin?)
Word Count: ~5k
Summary: You joined Chan’s pack a few months ago and it’s been great so far. But there’s been some frustration accumulating in you for a while that you couldn’t battle on your own. Thankfully, there are young wolves around ready to help you. And they might be even more willing to take care of you than you realize.
© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.
Author’s note: Okay, I’m finally back with a new story!! I know I’ve been a bit absent lately, but that’s cz I’m writing a whole HHJ novel lmao Not even kidding, that one is gonna be sooo looonggg… But in the meantime, I decided yesterday that I needed to write something short and fun that I can share with you asap, and this happened! I was up till 7 or 8AM writing this, so huge thanks to @tusswrites for helping me edit this so quickly!! Anyways, this is my first Stray Kids story, so I really hope you enjoy it and give me some feedback~ Thank you, sweethearts <3
Network Tags: @kvanity-main  @ksmutsociety
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You’d been feeling weird lately.
It was a feeling that washed over you from time to time, causing you discomfort, yet you still couldn’t place it. You tried to analyze the situation you were in when it appeared and figure out where it was coming from or what it was in general, but all your efforts were in vain. Something made you feel strange, and you didn’t know what or why.
It was definitely not the life with your new pack. You joined it 6 months ago after Chan’s vehement coaxing. You’d known him even before he became the alpha of his own pack, but after wandering around the world for several years and coming back to settle down, you found the citylife to be quite dangerous for a lone she-wolf. You didn’t want to admit that you needed protection as you were more than capable of fighting your own fights, but after being constantly harassed on the daily by cocky members of various local packs, you didn’t take much convincing. Chan was a good guy and a great laid-back leader, so you knew he didn’t offer this with any ulterior motive in mind. You’d have probably joined his pack even faster if not for one thing – it was full of men. And although you had no issues with young wolves with manners, being the only female wolf in the pack sounded questionable.
This made your mind blow up with questions and assumptions. What if they start harassing you as well? Chan would probably not allow that. What if they get overly possessive over you? You would probably not allow that either. What if you cannot handle living in the same space as them without any privacy? Well, you could always move back out… With the alpha’s permission.
Regardless of your reservations, Chan seemed relentless in his attempts to lure you in. You weren’t too surprised by that. There was a bond that alphas shared with their pack members. Whenever you meet your alpha, you feel like you are on the same wavelength. Some alphas are so in-tune with their current or potential packmates that they can even sense it when they meet their future mate. They do not know whose mate it is necessarily, but they can sense that it might be one. Not every alpha is capable of that though, although most of them can at least tell whether you are a good fit for their pack or not. Chan was quick to pass his judgement and inform you with all sincerity that you definitely belonged with his pack and had to trust his gut on this.
So, you did.
And you were completely stunned with the way it had turned out. You were guarded and cautious when you first joined. But the guys were actually so friendly and so welcoming that you felt at home mere days later. It was like they were your little brothers, whom you’d been living with your entire life. Sure, they were a bit awkward with you at first, but after the adaptation period was over, you were all set with your new family.
They took care of you, and you cared for them as well. You helped Minho and Yongbok cook dinner, bought art supplies for Hyunjin, scolded Changbin whenever he was too harsh on Han and helped them make up, looked after the maknaes and made sure they were not getting into trouble. You were also giving Chan a piece of your mind whenever he pulled all-nighters, too busy with his work, and then snapped at his poor pack members for interacting with him at the wrong time. At some point you managed to have him come back to his senses and remember to get at least 5 hours of sleep every night to prevent himself from turning into a wild beast.
Everything was going great until last week, when you finally noticed that the mood swings that bothered you for a few months now, were actually getting worse. You blamed it on the insomnia that you’d been suffering from lately. After all, you’d seen Chan becoming overly sensitive to everything after being sleep-deprived, but you had no idea what was making you so stressed. You had no issues within the pack, and your life outside was also pretty solid too. Now that you had your brothers around, no one was brave enough to walk up to you and challenge your bodily integrity unless they wanted to compromise their own. Despite you being older, your brothers took your protection seriously. When you joining the pack was not that widely known, there had been a few incidents that lead to physical altercations. And despite thinking that being told to sit down and let the boys handle this shit would make you angry, you actually felt giddy instead. They didn’t belittle your abilities in any way, but each and every one of them was the first in line to protect your honor. You appreciated their brotherly love towards you more than you’d care to admit. So much so, that you didn’t say anything to them, when their extensive protection made most wolves steer clear of you whenever they met you out and about.
And even as your behavior started to shift lately, they quickly picked up on that too. Yongbok and Changbin kept asking you if anything had happened. Minho made your favorite spicy pasta, which almost no one could handle apart from you two, and maybe Jeongin as well. Seungmin and Han tried to make you laugh with their silly antics. And yet, your bad mood did not lift for long.
Today you stayed home with Hyunjin, and he asked if you wanted to get some fresh air and join him on his way to a new art exhibition at the gallery downtown. You latched onto this opportunity to shake the dust off of yourself and maybe alter your mood with the help of this public outing, hoping that it might bring you some welcomed attention. With that in mind, you’d put a little too much effort into dressing up, which you realized only when your companion gave you a puzzled onceover. But when you asked if you looked inappropriate, he shook his head. Hyunjin wasn’t a man of many words most of the time, he only became talkative whenever he was drunk or simply in the mood for long chats. After a short ‘you look beautiful’ that made you feel a ping of this confusing emotional response inside you, he motioned for you to follow him outside.
However, after a few hours strutting from one installation to another in your incredibly unreasonable high heels, you became tired and capricious. To the point when you almost cried when Hyunjin sat you down on the bench outside one of the exhibition halls and disappeared for a few minutes, only to return with a pair of flat slippers. You whined that there was no way you would be seen next to him looking this ugly, and he hummed, crouching down in front of you and removing your shoes at once. He rummaged through his Versace bag and got a band-aid out, plastering it over an aching spot on your foot. While you were watching him, barely containing a shiver from the tickle of his breathing over your knee, he carefully inserted your feet into the slippers and grabbed your shoes in one hand, offering you to hold onto his arm. When you stood up, he couldn’t help but crack a dimpled smile, patting your head affectionately. After walking around in your insane high heels for hours, you now acutely felt how small you were next to him. It was a thought that made you flustered for no reason, so you frowned and made your way to the elevator, trying to seem like you were in a hurry to get back home.
A car ride home was unbearable. Your feelings were all over the place again. One moment you were grateful to Hyunjin for his attentiveness, the other you were mad at him for acting like your partner when he clearly wasn’t, and a second later you would be on the verge of crying for having no prospects of finding one either. Having no mate at your age was bothering you so much more than it should’ve, and at some point you managed to convince yourself that you didn’t care if you missed him earlier in life. Shit happens, you thought. Not everyone spent their lives with their mates, and even if you didn’t want to settle for less, at some point you might have to. And while considering this dreadful future, you had even decided that you would start going out with humans later. Dating a wolf who could very well meet their mate months or years down the line and becoming tossed to the side would be a traumatizing experience, so you vowed to avoid it at all costs. Even if your love life would be frowned upon by most other wolves, who did not consider humans to be valid partners.
These thoughts did not add positivity to your attitude, and by the time you came home, your mood was so sour that you barely acknowledged Jeongin in the living room, heading straight to the bathroom on your floor. You threw your clothes around as you got them off and removed your jewelry. Even wiping your makeup off was a chore that made you angry, so you stepped into the water almost boiling with frustration.
Taking an entire hour to finish your routine, you relocated to your room, throwing your pajamas on before crawling under the blanket. It was way too early to go to bed, but you hated the idea of being outside of your room when you had no grip on your emotions whatsoever. Snapping at your brothers, who were innocent in the matter, was not an option you were willing to explore. And it was not their fault that these thoughts and feelings suddenly came over you at random. So you stayed in, huffing and puffing for at least another half an hour, until you were interrupted by a knock on your door.
‘Can I come in?’ You heard Hyunjin ask from the other side of the door.
You didn’t want him to, but you also didn’t want to turn him away.
‘Come in.’
He slowly opened it, peeking inside before seeping fully into your room. His head cocked to the side as he took in your state.
‘Are you feeling well?’ He asked, approaching you carefully.
You shrugged, mumbling that you were fine. His nose twitched as he clearly checked if anything would be given away by your scent.
‘Are you sure?’ He asked, taking a seat on your bed.
It wasn’t unusual, the closeness he allowed himself, yet it made you even more unstable than you were before.
‘I don’t know, Jinnie.’ You whined, kicking the blanket up with one foot. ‘I’m a mess.’
He furrowed his thick dark eyebrows.
‘What do you mean?’
You pouted, feeling the frustration rise again.
‘I don’t know…’ You repeated, sounding like you were about to cry now.
On a whim, you scooted closer to him and threw yourself forward to hug him. Overcoming the initial shock, Hyunjin reciprocated with a tight embrace. His hands were gently patting your back, and it seemed like he had nothing against the physical contact.
‘I’m sorry,’ you muttered into his collarbone and tried to pry yourself away from him. ‘I know you don’t like skinship that much-’
‘Don’t worry about that, noona.’ He cut you off, dragging you back into himself.
You sat like that for a few minutes, and you calmed down a little, too focused on his heartbeat under your ear. There was also something else that you’d noticed.
‘Jinnie,’ you inhaled deeply. ‘You smell… nice.’
He froze, still holding you in his arms, and his Adam’s apple bobbing indicated that he was in a state of utter disarray.
‘What do you-’
The door into your room flew open, and Jeongin invited himself in.
‘Why are you making a cuddle nest without me? You know I am the best candidate to make you feel better, noona!’
He jumped on the bed, making you huff in amusement.
‘See? You’re already smiling.’ He wrapped his arms around your bicep and continued. ‘Let go of this hyung, I am all you need.’
Hyunjin raised his eyebrow, likely feeling competitive after this comment.
And for the next ten minutes, they were busy fighting for your attention.
‘It must’ve been you,’ Jeongin nagged at the older wolf. ‘She spent the whole day with you and came back angry. I am pretty sure…’
‘It’s not. I’ve been in a weird mood lately, that’s all.’
‘Oh?’ He perked up from your thigh, where he’d been resting his head. ‘Weird how? Don’t tell me-’
‘What?’ You and Hyunjin asked in unison.
‘Are you like… frustrated?’
‘I am,’ you nodded, misunderstanding his question.
‘You know what I mean? Like… sexually?’
At this, you opened your mouth, completely offended by the suggestion.
‘What the hell?’ You shoved him in the shoulder, trying to get him off of your thigh.
‘No, but that would be so great,’ he told you despite the commotion. ‘Because it’s not that hard to solve.’
‘Yeah right.’ You grumbled, making both wolves look at you. ‘What? I am not admitting to anything!’
‘You don’t have to, my face is inches away from the only thing about you that is truthful right now,’ the youngest noted without a care.
Hissing, you shoved him off, pulling the blanket over your knees again.
‘What? It’s only the truth.’ He rolled his eyes at your reaction. ‘Just get someone to fuck you and you’ll be alright.’
You sighed.
‘Yeah, ‘cause that’s so easy.’
Jeongin sat up.
‘What do you mean? If it’s not easy for you, who’s it easy for?’
‘Someone who doesn’t have a few wolf brothers to rip into anyone looking their way?’
‘We only rip into assholes who bother you,’ Hyunjin interjected.
‘Right. And the non-assholes watch that and think, ‘oh great, I’d love to hit that after they’re done with the other guy’. Sure.’
‘If they think like that they don’t need to be hitting that anyway.’ He replied curtly, and you pouted again.
‘Remind me again why you were surprised I cannot get laid?’
‘You shouldn’t give yourself over to guys like that, noona.’ Hyunjin pressed.
‘Agreed. You could always ask someone else for help. Like, I’d definitely help the hell out of you right now,’ Jeongin said, reaching your thigh with his hand and squeezing it.
‘Then you better do that, because I am already planning to get a tinder account and grab me some human!’ You suddenly confessed, startling both of the wolves.
‘You’re- what??’ Hyunjin gasped in your ear.
‘I didn’t think you were actually that desperate, noona…’ Jeongin muttered, licking his lips. ‘But I can deliver on my offer, if you really mean it.’
You swallowed under the scrutiny of the two pairs of eyes, and leaned back into Hyunjin, suddenly feeling weak from the stress of it. In any other state you might’ve been able to think it through and decline. But right now you suddenly had no care for the consequences of your actions.
‘Do it.’ You exhaled, watching the youngest wolf purse his lips to contain his excitement.
Before you allowed yourself to think about the current chain of events, you grabbed Hyunjin’s arms and wrapped them tighter around your frame. For some reason, you didn’t want him to go either.
‘Are you sure about this?’ He asked in your ear, and you shivered from his hot breath.
You turned to give him a reassuring nod.
‘It’s easy to give into temptation when you’re vulnerable. We can’t take advantage of that,’ he continued, brushing a strand of your hair to the side.
You felt overwhelmed by his comment, but then the youngest inserted himself into this exchange.
‘Are you that scared of Chan?’ He chuckled.
‘Chan? What does he have to do with anything?’ You asked in confusion, while they were throwing daggers at each other with their eyes.
‘Because hyung told us in graphic terms that he’d rip our faces off if we tried to coerce you into something like that.’
‘What the hell??’
‘My thoughts exactly. I think you’re the one coercing me into getting down for you, noona,’ he smiled, playing with the hem of your pajama shorts.
‘Why would he say that though?’ You asked Hyunjin this time.
‘I don’t know. I guess he didn’t want you to be uncomfortable around us?’
That made sense, sort of. But you weren’t sure if that was simply due to your reluctance about joining an all-male pack, or if there was something else going on. Jeongin’s hand dipping between your thighs disrupted your already flailing thought process.
Hyunjin growled lowly, warning him, and he looked at you for approval.
‘Take them off,’ you told him, and he smiled, tugging your shorts off immediately.
‘Noona…’ Hyunjin protested hoarsely, but you squeezed his forearm.
‘I am the one initiating this. Forget whatever Chan told you.’
‘It’s not about what-’
‘I want you here. Do you want to stay?’ You asked him, and his grip on you tightened, as if you could kick him out for real.
‘Yes.’
‘Then stop nagging. And kiss me.’
He looked down at your mouth and swallowed, leaning in.
‘Shit noona, you are soaked…’ The youngest distracted both of you with his eagerness. ‘Do you always wear such skimpy underwear at home? I could fuck you without taking it off.’
Before you answered, he pulled the item of clothing to the side and ran two fingers between your wet folds. Without wasting anymore time for chitchat, he leaned in, attaching his lips to your pussy.
‘Ah fuck!’ You jolted, steadied by the arms around you.
In fact, Hyunjin’s iron hold made it even more egregious.
Jeongin made it known that he was enjoying himself, humming into you as he licked and sucked your sensitive flesh. You could feel his spit drip down to your hole, and clenched around nothing, clawing at Hyunjin’s forearm.
‘Innie, shit…’ You cursed, looking down at his fluffy head between your legs.
He seemed pleased by the feedback he was receiving, so he started alternating between various techniques. When he switched to quick sharp licks up your slit, you started shaking.
You threw your head back, bumping into Hyunjin’s shoulder. He was still tense, and you turned your head to inhale his familiar scent that calmed you down before.
‘Jinnie, please touch me,’ you begged, trying to move one of his hands onto your breast.
His nose brushed against yours, and you felt his plush lips connect with the corner of your mouth. Grabbing him by the hair on the back of his head, you pushed him closer. He growled, mouth crashing on yours, and slipped his tongue inside it aggressively. When you felt his hand sneak under your pajama top to grab your boob, you whimpered loudly. His other hand pressed down on your belly, and Jeongin suddenly flicked your clit with his tongue, sucking it into his mouth harshly.
You cried out, trembling in Hyunjin’s grasp. You were too sensitive to withstand such an attack.
‘Innie, don’t stop- I’m-’ You sobbed, grabbing onto Hyunjin’s hand over your breast. ‘I’m cumming-’
The older one bit onto your ear gently before giving it a short lick, and your eyes rolled back into your head. Jeongin was still assaulting your nub, and your long animalistic wail was probably heard outside.
You were still breathless when you felt someone lift your hips, removing your underwear.
‘Give her a break,’ you heard Hyunjin say sternly.
You squeezed his bicep, causing him to divert his attention.
‘Don’t,’ you shook your head weakly. ‘I want to.’
Just a moment later, you felt Jeongin prod at your entrance. You whined as he inserted himself into you, barely having enough time to adjust before he began rutting into you.
‘Fuck, noona… You have a- a perfect pussy,’ he noted, sounding strained. ‘Ah shit-’
Despite being just a year apart with Hyunjin, Innie was still quite young and impressionable. You could tell how overly excited and aroused he got from going down on you, and you felt it in his abrupt thrusts that he was not going to last at all. But you didn’t mind.
You panted, the aftershocks of your previous release rekindling by the continuous slapping of skin against your pussy, and Jeongin began fucking you even harder.
But at this point you got too distracted by the heavy breathing in your ear. Hyunjin wasn’t even the one inside you, and yet, he was still the one making you go insane. You wanted to cry from his proximity, because he was close but still not close enough.
You squeezed his thigh and moved your palm to the side, finding his long, hard cock.
‘Jinnie…’ You mumbled, frantically shoving your hand down his pants.
His hips jerked forward as you grabbed his thick flesh.
You desperately, desperately wanted him inside. And he knew.
‘Don’t cum inside her,’ he told the younger one, who was definitely close to his orgasm, and shoved him with his foot.
You felt him slip out, cursing his hyung, who quickly flipped you around. Jeongin tugged your hips up to put you on all fours, and shoved himself inside you again. Your face was pressed to Hyunjin’s flexing abs while he fucked you from behind feverishly. With all the thoughts vanishing from your dazed brain, you resorted to kissing and licking the skin over his taut stomach and using your nails to leave shallow marks as he stroked your head slowly. The maknae’s fingers dug deeper into the supple flesh of your thighs as he came to the verge of his release.
‘Did you hear what I said?’ Hyunjin suddenly growled, loud and clear this time. ‘Get your ass over there and watch.’
Your skin was all covered in goosebumps from the commanding tone of his voice. You wanted him to use it on you as well, just so that you could defy him. Fuck around and find out.
But Jeongin was a good boy, so he did as he was told. As soon as he slipped out, you got pulled up the bed again. Hyunjin put almost his entire weight onto your back, making your elbows and knees give out. That seemed to be exactly what he wanted, and his dick slipped into your tight hole easily while you were lying flat on the bed. You moaned as his body moved in a wave-like motion, merging with yours completely. It wasn’t clear whether Hyunjin was that much bigger than Jeongin, or it was the position adding to it, but you felt so full that it made your pussy quiver helplessly.
‘Please, Jinnie…’ You whined, as his hips continued to snap forward. ‘Make me cum…’
He quickly pulled out, rolling you over like a ragdoll, and folded you in half, continuing to pound you into the mattress. You heard Jeongin moan from his spot on the chair, where he was watching you from. But you were too engaged to even try and pay attention to him, although you were sure that he was jerking himself off right now.
Hyunjin was destroying your pussy with methodical slaps, and you felt your big orgasm build again. You were going to cum so hard, you just knew it.
‘Mhm, deeper…’ You pleaded, your vision blurring as he hit so deep that your pleasure was beginning to hurt.
‘Do you want- want me to- want my cum?’ He asked, not slowing down at all.
‘Fuck, Jinnie…’
You thrashed underneath him, causing him to let go of your legs, unfolding you, and lie on top of you. His pelvis snapped back-and-forth fluidly, and you made eye contact, catching his feral gaze that likely mirrored your own.
‘Fill me…’ You choked on your words. ‘Fuck, I want it- inside me-’
As your orgasm washed over your body, you completely lost it. All control over your actions slipped away from you, and you bit into his flesh that was closest to you, piercing his bicep with your teeth. You pulled back almost immediately, but before you could say anything, Hyunjin reciprocated, grabbing your arm and sinking his own teeth into your wrist.
With the added tinge of pain, you were still shaking violently when his cum flooded your insides. You wailed and screamed every time he thrusted, with his skin slapping against yours, until his cum started gushing out of you. When he stilled, you were on the verge of losing consciousness. The tightness in your hole kept you there, and you swallowed the salty taste of his blood, slowly realizing what just happened.
‘Dammit, hyung! You knotted her?’ You heard Jeongin come to his senses before you two.
‘Fuck off.’
Hyunjin didn’t sound like he’d let anyone mess with him right now, and it sent a tight pulse through your core. He watched Jeongin flee the room as he ran his tongue over his teeth, obviously aware of your body’s reactions to him. Licking his bloody red lips, he sobered himself up.
‘You fucking marked me,’ he told you, as if you didn’t already know.
‘I didn’t- didn’t mean to-’ You tried to justify breathlessly, fidgeting slightly. ‘It just felt so good that I…’
‘Stop talking. I can’t move, and you make me want to rip into you all over again.’
You pursed your lips as your pussy quivered around his rock hard knot once more, making your eyes tear up. Everything about him was sending you into overdrive, and you had no idea what to do with yourself. It suddenly dawned on you that this was exactly what you wanted this entire time, and you had no idea that it was making you frustrated. Not even realizing that your mate was right next door, quite literally. You could’ve had him months ago, but you were too preoccupied by other things in life like trying to build a family bond with your new pack to see what fell right into your lap, quite literally. The only wolf you needed.
‘J-Jinnie…’
His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he held his hips steady.
‘Baby. If you move even an inch-’ He sighed, pressing his forehead to yours. ‘If you cum again, it will only prolong this…’
‘But I- I want to!’ You whined, wiggling your hips. ‘Please, it’s so big…’
‘No.’
‘Hyunjin!’
‘I said no.’
The authority in his voice made your toes curl.
‘Fuck,’ he growled, jerking forward involuntarily as he felt you fall apart again. ‘You’re not gonna stop until you get yourself pregnant, are you?’
You sobbed, unable to snatch yourself out of the excruciatingly long orgasm.
Hyunjin pressed as deep into you as he could, trying to hold you completely still, and the tip of his cock brushed against your cervix. At this point you simply blacked out from the intensity of the pleasure, regaining your perception of reality only when your partner’s girth finally began deflating in your overstimulated pussy.
‘Are you back?’ He asked, voice a bit gruff but not low and menacing anymore.
It made warmth spread out in your chest as you nodded.
‘Does anything hurt?’
You shook your head first, and then nodded after noticing his expression.
‘It must hurt. I told you not to move, baby.’ Although he was admonishing you, it didn’t stop him from pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. ‘Give me a couple more minutes and it’ll be done.’
‘Okay,’ you mumbled, not that eager to let him go – he was your newly found mate, after all.
But your fragile intimacy was crushed by the loud voices in the hallway.
‘What the fuck did I tell you all about doing shit like that to her? I don’t care who-’
Chan burst through the door, stopping in his tracks.
‘Are you still going at it?!’ He asked, not fazed by the fact that Hyunjin was naked and on top of you.
After he tugged the blanket up to cover your bodies fully and turned to face his alpha, Chan gasped.
‘Don’t tell me- it’s you, isn’t it?? She’s your mate, right?’ He sounded more excited than angry now. ‘I knew it! I told you that you absolutely had to join-’
‘Hyung,’ Hyunjin cleared his throat, not even trying to sound apologetic. ‘We’re otherwise preoccupied, as you might see.’
Thankfully, he couldn’t see under the covers, and your mate’s body also shielded yours from the other wolf’s eyes, but you were still dying of embarrassment.
‘Oh- right. Wait, are you locked- You know what, nevermind. Keep going. I mean, finish up. I mean-’
‘Oh gosh, Chanie hyung!’ Yongbok groaned, grabbing him by the wrist and tugging him into the hallway before shutting the door. ‘Let them be.’
As their voices became less and less distinguishable, Hyunjin looked into your eyes, seemingly reading your thoughts.
‘No, he’s never going to shut up about it,’ he replied before you asked. ‘But I’m still grateful that he convinced you to join the pack. Thank you for taking him up on his offer.’
His last words made him tense, thinking back to someone else you took up on his offer.
‘You’re going to snap Innie’s neck, aren’t you?’
‘You’re fucking right.’
‘Jinnie…’
Masterlist
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A/N: Ahhh, this hot mess of a trio... I hope you enjoyed this little fun ride! Please comment and reblog, I really appreciate your feedback💜 And as usual, my asks are open~
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usoppsstar · 1 year ago
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Op men when you wear a revealing bikini🥥🥥🥥
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Pairings: One piece men x f!usually modest!reader
Characters: Luffy, Sabo, Law, Kid
Tw: suggestive themes but nothing explicit/food in Luffy's
Notes: these are headcannons and short stories; law is a horny dweeb; I went a little overboard with Luffy and Sabo's I think; law's gets the dirtiest; this is proofread but there may still be mistakes🥥🥥🥥
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🥥Luffy
He's playing with Usopp when he sees his jaw drop, so he turns around to see what he's looking at.
Believe it or not,Luffy's eyes widen a little when he sees what you're in. It is surprising. For the most part you cover yourself pretty thoroughly unless it's a hot day and even then your torso is usually covered, and any shorts or skirts you wear don't venture much further than your knees.
So Luffy is actually just the tiniest bit stunned when you walk onto the beach clad in one of Nami's bikinis, a cute bralette with a few strings doing a poor job of covering your cleavage, and bottoms that hang dangerously low on your hips.
It's not necessarily that he's seeing a lot of skin, Luffy doesn't really notice things like that and the majority of your crew walk around borderline topless anyway. In terms of the other ladies on board,Nami and Robin dress pretty revealing all of the time and Luffy's never cared, so no, it's that he's seeing a lot of your skin.
Unconsciously stares at you. It's mostly out of curiosity but he does like what he sees. Will probably embarrass you by blatantly checking you out for a bit, since Sanji has made it clear that he's not allowed to touch, and take in parts of you that he never gets to see. He'll likely forget that he feels a way and get back to goofing off after getting sprayed by Usopp, but throughout the day, whenever he wraps an arm around you or you bump or press into him, he's conscious of how much he's really seeing all over again.
Screaming, laughing, and talking disturb the tranquility of the small island the Straw Hat pirates decided to rest on. Nami and Robin relax under the shade of an umbrella Franky put up,while Sanji barbecues, Chopper, Usopp, and Luffy are busy chasing each other around with water guns, and Zoro is likely sleeping under a palm tree nearby. You yourself are busy walking over some more meat for Sanji. You're so focused on the wobbling tray that you don't realize Luffy is about to back into you until too late. He crashes into you, knocking the tray onto your chest and your butt onto the ground.
“Geez Luffy! Watch where you're going!” Usopp shouts from somewhere further up the beach while Luffy spins toward you.
“Oops. Sorry Y/n.” He says with a cute laugh as he reaches down to lift you up, but freezes when his eyes land on you. You're sitting on your behind and trying to get some sand out of your eye, but his gaze is focused a little lower than your face. Because he had bumped you, all the meat on the tray was now decorating the sand, but a few had been saved from the ground. Specifically two steaks that sit on your body, one in your lap, and one resting snug on top of your boobs. Luffy just blinks as fantasies he never even knew he had,come to life in his head.
“Aw man, Sanji's gonna be mad.” You sigh,before grimacing and sliding a piece of raw meat off of your breasts, leaving glistening juice behind. You reach for the one in your lap when Luffy quickly stops your hand. You look up at him and find that he's giving you a look you've never seen before. Close to how he looks when he's gotten serious during a battle, but there's a heat behind it, one that matches the one that builds embarrassingly quickly in your stomach because of it. Luffy gently pulls your hand away.
“Let me do it.” He says quietly, his eyes on yours until you nod your head. Both of your hearts are beating hard behind your chests as Luffy slowly reaches his hand into your lap. You hold your breath and it's as if he's grabbing for the steak in slow motion, until a voice calls out, and you both jump up like you just got caught doing something you shouldn't have.
“Luffy go and get me some fruit from the trees down the coast! I'm gonna make a sorbet with them!” Sanji calls out from the grill and both you and Luffy stand up quickly. He continues to look at you while you dust the sand off your legs and butt, struggling because the barbecue meat had made you sticky.
“Ok!” He calls back, without really taking his eyes off you. You look up when he takes your hand.
“Y/n,come with me?” He breathes out hurriedly, and you stumble for a moment, trying to think of what to say.
“I should probably rinse off though.” You mutter, not really wanting to do whatever you both had in mind while covered in raw meat drippings. Luffy just tugs your hand gently.
“We can do that too.” He sighs and that heated look is back in his eyes. Again he waits for your response, and after a moment you nod.
“Ok.” You say and butterflies swarm in your stomach as you let Luffy race with you down the coast.
***🥥***
🥥Sabo
He's waiting for you and Koala to get dressed so you can go down to the beach and looks up when he hears her gushing over something
Surprised
He can't help but follow you with his eyes for a moment when you walk out of the room with koala, You had a sheer shawl on but it did nothing to cover up the two triangles of fabric held together with a string bow and the straps of your bottoms resting high on your hips, revealing the sides of your vline.
He wasn't sure what bathing suit he'd been expecting you to walk out in but it definitely wasn't a bikini, a rather small one at that. Your typical outfits were more conservative, cute jackets and coats that match whatever shoes you're wearing,carefully put together tops and bottoms. He's never seen so much of your bare body before so he finds himself sneaking glances at you more times than he's proud of
It doesn't help that you stick next to him like you always do, and he's extremely conscious whenever and wherever your skin touches his now,
And it feels like that's happening a lot more than usual today.He doesn't know if you're doing it on purpose or if it's simply coincidence, maybe you noticed how red his ears turn whenever you hug his arm into your chest, or the way he can barely stop himself from freezing up a little when you brush against him, and you're doing it to tease him.
Feels the need to avert his eyes everytime they land on you, and when they do he knows he'll feel slightly guilty no matter where he looks.
Sabo wouldn't consider himself the kind of guy that struggles when confronted by a lewd display. If a woman were to try and seduce him by flashing a lot of skin, on a mission or otherwise,he probably wouldn't bat an eye. That's why he doesn't understand ehy he's so focused on the way you climb up the ladder of the pool, frozen like a statue in the middle of grabbing a drink out of the ice bucket. Water drips off and down your physique as you climb the rest of the steps, spilling down your thighs and chest as you wipe locks of hair out of your face.
Sabo swears you're moving in slow motion when you walk towards him. The softest parts of you bouncing tantalizingly with each step you take. The way you shake your hair a little. The small smile on your face. He wonders if he's imagining the sunlight illuminating your silhouette. He's still staring when you walk up to him with a sigh.
“Hey Sabo, can you hand me one?” You greet him softly and gesture towards the mini canteen in his hand. When you glance at him, Sabo recovers quickly, smoothly transitioning his horny gaze into a relaxed and cheerful smile, like only a skilled revolutionary like himself can pull off.
“Yeah no problem!” He answers coolly and reaches into the bucket before tossing a canteen to you. You catch it gracefully but yelp when a bit of the crushed ice clinging to the bottle, falls into your cleavage. Sabo is quick to step over, instinctively jumping to help you like he always does, all the while scolding himself in his head. How's he supposed to help you with something like this?
“It's ok, it's uh- melted already.” You laugh quietly, noting how jumpy Sabo has been since you walked out in this get up. Sabo is a skilled revolutionary but so are you, and like he guessed,you've been aware of his attention this entire time. At first it was embarrassing, but then it got a bit exciting, teasing him. You feel Sabo's gaze on you again, and decide to mess with him a little more. Tugging at the middle of your bra a bit, you draw it forward, and expose more of your breasts to him.
“See? All gone.” You say sweetly and look up at him to see his reaction. Sabo finds himself at a loss for words. Cool water droplets trickle over your girls, where you draw them together for him. You had to be doing this on purpose, and the thought of that really intrigued him. You bite your lip when Sabo clears his throat.
“Um-.” He just barely manages to say before he's suddenly pushed towards you. A beach ball bounces on the floor and you hear one of your coworkers yell an apology from the pool, but you're more focused on the man in front of you. Golden hair tickles your chin, and you flinch when you feel his breath puff just below your collarbone. You look down at Sabo, who's face to face with your boobs and bracing himself with your arms.
“Hey Sabo?” You ask tentatively. All you can see are his crimson ears from your angle, and you'd wonder if he was breathing if you didn't feel consistent puffs of air against your chest. You yelp when Sabo suddenly yanks you away and holds you at arm's length, his head down to hide his blush.
“Do you mind- helping me with something?” He says quietly before lifting his head, and the look he gives you is enough to make your knees weak.
***🥥***
🥥Law
He knew this beach day was a bad idea the moment penguin mentioned it, but because everyone seemed like they could use some sun and fresh air, he agreed, but the moment you walked out onto the sand, he knew he'd made a mistake.
Why'd you suddenly decide to wear something like that? A skimpy one piece bathing suit with a large diamond cut out of the center, showing off practically your entire torso, and he won't even get started on the back. Law didn't know if it was the design or if it was just too small for you, but either way the bottoms of your breasts were peeking out just the tiniest bit from being squished in the fabric,and it was extremely distracting, your entire outfit is.
You always seemed comfortable in the crew’s uniform jumpsuit, and when the crew docked you always wore modest, basic clothes. For as long as he'd known you, you've never been the type to show off or show out. Even your personality was a rather calm one, so this random choice of a sexy bathing suit didn't make any sense to him.
On pervert patrol and that unfortunately includes his own wandering eyes. He's quick to glare at penguin or shachi for any compliments they give you, but it's only because he himself doesn't have the guts to tell you how attractive he thinks you look. As for other people, his glare is so cold they could probably feel it from halfway across the beach. He even puts the rest of the crew on lookout duty to make sure no one makes you or Ikkaku uncomfortable
He has no confidence in this claim but sometimes it feels like you're bending over in front of him on purpose. Law wears a straight face the entire time and he even does a good job of suppressing his blush, but in his head he's thinking things that embarrass even himself.
Law's shades do a great job of concealing the way he admires you from his comfortable spot on his beach chair. You're sitting on your knees not far from him,busy building a sandcastle with bepo and Ikkaku. You're only patting on a few shell windows, but all he can focus on is the way your thighs squish under your weight, the high cut in your one piece revealing the crease between your thighs and pelvis. Law immediately sighs and tilts his head back before his thoughts can drift to how his hands would feel gripping that exact area. He hears footsteps approaching him and has to suppress another sigh when he looks up and sees that it's you.
“Hey captain, have you seen the sunscreen? I just remembered I haven't put any on.” You ask while looking between the chairs for your beach bag. Law doesn't even realize he's staring at you again until you bend over and he has to force himself to look away,for the sake of his own heart. You were sweating a little at this point ,and the view of your side profile in that outfit wasn't doing anything to help the little problem he was hiding with his book.
“It's in my bag, I told you all to put it on before we got to the resort.” He scolds you halfheartedly while you look around. His heart almost jumps out of his chest though, when you lean over him to get to his bag instead of walking around. Your boobs are dangerously close to spilling out of your top, and all he'd have to do is glance to his left to see your ass on full display.
“Yeah yeah, I know.” You mumble, not completely unaware of the way your captain was struggling. You've known him long enough to recognize his character quirks, even when he's trying to keep a straight face, and you could tell he practically short-circuited when you walked out in this bathing suit. It hadn't been intentional. You were wearing one of Ikkaku's because the shop owner at the resort closed the shop suddenly, but it was too small for you. You didn't want to wear it, but once you saw law's jaw clench and the way he bit at his lips the way he does when he's nervous, you wondered if you'd actually made the right choice.
“There it is.” You huff and mercifully lift up off of him. Law does his best to steady the rise and fall of his chest while you busily rub the sunscreen onto your skin. He glances over at you but has to avert his eyes when you start on your collar bones and dip down to your chest. Part of him is glad that you listened when he told you that even your skin tone can benefit from sunscreen, but another part of him is cursing his past self for putting him in this situation.
“Make sure you apply it thoroughly.” He reminds you before laying back and trying to get comfortable. Maybe he'll get some rest instead of embarrassing himself pining over you. He should be alright from here, but he only closes his eyes for a moment before you call out to him.
“Cap, can you help me with my back?” you ask sweetly, and law has to restrain a groan. He's in trouble.
***🥥***
🥥Kidd
Is surprised you even walked out in something like that
And even worse,you have the audacity to look good in it.
He's never seen much more than your arms and legs. You're always walking around the ship in sweaters and jeans or skirts. At first he even thought it was because you were insecure or something, but now he knows that obviously isn't the case.
He's almost offended, like, how dare you walk out here and stun him like that??? And how dare you make such a huge jump from being covered from head to toe to wearing a skimpy bikini? At least warn a guy! You're wearing basically nothing. A skimpy bikini with an incredibly small top, that barely holds your girls in and bottoms that could almost be considered lingerie.
All day he's hyper aware of any eyes on you and he's definitely mad dogging anyone that gets too good of an eyeful. It's because he's looking out for his people as your captain, he tells himself. Not because he's feeling a little jealous or anything. He's not even your dude( salty)
That doesn't mean he can't check you out though. He'll deny it if anyone mentions it, but he's definitely getting his looks in whenever he has a chance. How could he not when you looked so good? He won't lie, he's always thought that You've got a cute enough face, and your outfits are pretty cool, but kidd has always had a thing for sexy girls, and that has never been you until today, not fashion wise at least( there's times when you give him this look, like you know him better than he knows himself,and it pisses him off so bad but simultaneously makes him want to wife you up and bend you over the kitchen counter) but now that you're flaunting your stuff a little, it's making it even harder than before to pretend he doesn't like you, especially when his swim trunks are so tight.
“I got it!” Both you and Kid shout at the same time before lunging at the ball falling over your team's side of the net.
“Shit!”Kid curses and tries to stop himself but you collide against his wall of a body anyway. He's fine, but you bounce off of him like nothing. With a wince, you fall back a little but Kid manages to wrap a muscular arm around you right before you flop on your butt, practically lifting you off the sand. He tugs you back into him and you brace yourself with a hand against his chest.
“Thanks cap, I almost busted my-” You begin to say before you look up at the brightest red cheeks you've ever seen. Kid is blushing down to his neck, and it's because your boobs are smashed up against him. His heart beats quicker at the sight of your pretty skin tone contrasting against his own pale one. Your face starts to burn too when you realize just how much of his huge body is against you, that and the fact that he's effortlessly holding you up with one arm. You knew Kid was strong and well,huge, but being carried against him like you weighed nothing, tends to drive it home.You're extremely grateful your flush isn't visible like his is. Both of you snap out of your horny haze when one of your crew whistles loudly from across the net.
“Get a room you horndogs!” Killer calls out with a shake of his head, and the rest of your crew joins in, shouting and whistling at the way you two were caught all hugged up. Kidd quickly drops you back onto your feet and you immediately turn to your crew to deny everything.
“Shut up, it's not like that! Tell em Kidd!” You shout at them before turning to your Captain to back you up, but Kidd just sighs and rubs the back of his neck. You watch with confusion as he apparently makes up his mind about something.
“Eh fine, so what if it is like that huh?! You scrubs!” Kidd shouts back and your eyes widen, because he basically just admits that he was thinking dirty thoughts about you too. He looks down at you with a smirk and leans next to you.
“Isn't that right short stuff?” he groans into your ear and you almost fall to the ground again. The crew is causing a commotion all around you two but Kidd keeps his eyes trained on you until he gets your ok. No sooner do you roll your eyes and nod, does he pick you up and toss you over his shoulder.
“Hey!” You shout while you try to ignore the tingle building in your abdomen, and slap his shoulder but Kidd barely feels it.
“Looks like we'll be heading out!” Kidd calls out to everyone else with a dirty grin and a protective hand covering your ass, before walking off to a secluded part of the beach.
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A/n: I hope this wasn't too idk immature, I don't really know how to write captivating or enticing smut/suggestive stuff lol, so I'm yeh, feeling pretty insecure about this one. I do plan on doing a part 2 tho, so please lmk if you want it to be about more characters or a explicit continuation of these scenarios! Let me know who your favorite was too if you want. Thanks for reading!🥥🥥🥥
🥥Taggies: @cookieswithay ; @bokutosbiceps ; @stuckinthewrongworld ; @wrennyx ; @anyaswlrd ;
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honey-on-your-tongue · 6 months ago
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This is my first time in general givong a request, but hear me out...
...Logan Howlett/Miguel O'hara x reader, but the reader is tipsy and they go "im dumb" as a small joke. Later on, Logam/Miguel is just pounding into y/n and cooing like "aaaw, little princess to dumb to think. Hm?" Or "such an empty-headed slut" or stuff like that - like a mix of praise and degradation
Kinktober day three
I love this idea so bad I’m such a whore for mean!logan. sir please RAIL ME
Mean!Logan x fem!reader
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A couple of nights ago, the team had completed a successful mission. Obviously, you all had to celebrate.
You'd been drinking, more than you intended to, but you couldn't stop feeling so fucking stupid for liking Logan. He was older, probably barely cared about the fact that you existed. And if he did care, there was no way in hell he liked you. Probably thought you were a weird kid, even.
Sure, you two hooked up occasionally. It meant nothing. He probably just saw you as a way to let go of all the tension, while here you were, practically worshipping the ground at his feet.
That's why you're actually surprised when, late into the night, when you're well past your fifth or sixth drink, Logan walks up to talk to you.
“You did pretty good out there, bub,” he tells you. “Real good. Looks like those training sessions helped you out big time.”
You nod. “Oh, definitely,” you reply, words slurred.
He raises an eyebrow. “How many o’those have you had already, hm?” he questions, nodding at the drink in your hand.
“Um…five? Six? Can’t remember,” you shrug, taking another gulp of the alcohol. “Probably ‘cause I’m stupid.”
Logan blinks, confused and shocked. “Stupid? Why would you say that?”
You smile. “‘s just a joke,” you tell him, but he can hear the lie.
He frowns slightly. “It ain't funny, bub. You ain't stupid. You know that.”
You nod dismissively. “Yeah. I know.” You shrug.
For some reason, a few days later, as Logan is busy fucking you dumb, he remembers what you’d said.
I’m stupid. Those were your words.
He spanks your ass when your eyes roll back and you mumble something incoherent. “What’s wrong, baby? Hm? Stupid for me already?”
He smirks at the way your eyes widen, cheeks blushing with delight when your cunt clenches around his cock.
“Yeah? Is that it? Are you just daddy’s stupid little slut?”
You moan, your back arching, and you look almost horrifed at how much you’re anhoying the degradation.
He spanks you again. “I asked you a question. Use your words f’r me, bub.”
You whimper incoherently again and he laughs. “Aw, is daddy’s princess too dumb to think already? Hm?” He smirks, grabbing one of your legs and placing it over his shoulder, allowing him to thrust deeper into you.
You squeal. “D-daddy! Mhmm!”
“Yeah. I know, baby. You get so dumb when you’re on daddy’s cock. I love it so much.” He grunts, thrusting harder, deeper, watching your tits bounce every time.
He places a huge hand on top of your womb and presses down, forcing you to feel him even more. “Is my dumb baby gonna come f’r me? You gonna be good and come on my cock?”
You nod, desperately whining incoherently.
He chuckles. “Yeah, that’s right, baby. You ain’t gotta do anything. That’s why you’re such a good fuck—You get all dumb and all you gotta do is let daddy use your pretty cunt.”
---
Blog masterlist
Kinktober masterlist
UUUGHHHH mean logan has my panties a mess
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airybcby · 8 days ago
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જ⁀♡⊹。° i bless the rain down in africa
( bllk boys x gn! reader )
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♡ a/n — thinking abt going to a drive through safari with the bllk boys
♡ word count — 913
♡ content — sae itoshi x reader, shidou ryusei x reader, isagi yoichi x reader, yukimiya kenyu x reader, drive through safari, nickname 'babe' used (shidou), nickname 'my love' used (yukimiya), probably ooc, yuki's is short bc i ran out of brain power, not proofread.
♡ synopsis — bllk boys ( sae, shidou, isagi, and yukimiya) at a drive through safari with you :)
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☾⋆⁺₊✧ sae itoshi
like the responsible ( and sensible ) person he is, he read the instructions that were on the infographic given to you two before he started driving through this 'safari' you so badly wanted to go to.
while you...well you threw it on the ground and grabbed two bags of feed so the two of you could feed the animals!
which is how you ended up in this position- a zebra head sticking through your window reaching for more food while you finally read the information,
"oh my god! sae! don't feed the zebras!!"
he wasn't. actually he wasn't feeding any animals- his window rolled up and the other bag of food in your lap.
or it was.
until the zebra reached in and grabbed the edge of the paper bag- making you scream in fear.
"sae-"
"you're gonna break my seatbelt." he said, face dead serious as he looked at you.
AS IF YOU CARED ABOUT A SEATBELT! THIS ZEBRA WAS ABOUT TO EAT YOU!
"pleasepleasepleaseplease don't-" you cried, squeezing your eyes shut as the zebra ripped the bag out of the window- making feed fly everywhere in the car.
you opened one of your eyes while your hand hastily reached to roll up your window, "i'm sorry-"
"you're cleaning it."
yeah, safe to say that you and sae weren't the biggest fans of the drive through safari.
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☾⋆⁺₊✧ shidou ryusei
this was his idea. he showed you a video and decided that his day off after a hard game was the perfect day to go see all these animals and feed them!
and unfortunately for you, with a boyfriend like shidou- it's impossible to not have every small thing you two do together turns into a near death expierience.
like right now-
you were screaming, "oh my god! oh my god! let it go! roll up the window!" why, you ask?
because shidou had one arm wrapped on an ostrich while 3 other ostriches were trying to shove their heads into the car- all while shidou laughed and encouraged them with handfuls of feed.
"aw, why babe? we're friends can't cha see?" you'd always been your boyfriends biggest defender and supporter- always having a comeback for anytime someone said he was insane.
but now you were starting to understand why they would say that.
"ryu- JESUS!" you curled up in a ball in your seat, the terrifying bird using its long neck to try and grab the bag of feed that was in your hands. "just take it!!" you huffed, throwing the feed towards shidou...
which, thinking back on it- wasn't smart.
the ostriches began pecking at him- his hair, his shirt, his arms- not that they were purposefully trying to hurt him- no they just wanted the food!
and while you were freaking out, he was laughing in excitement, "see babe? i told you we were friends!"
yeah, your boyfriend is insane.
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☾⋆⁺₊✧ isagi yoichi
you two decided that this would be a cute date idea! you, your loving boyfriend, and some cute animals? what could go wrong?
everything, actually.
you and isagi were both backed up against the center console- shoulders touching as the two of you screamed.
"isagi! make them leave!!"
"me? you do it!"
what you were so afraid of?
camels.
their freaky disgusting spit dripping into the car is what had you scared as you all but threw the feed at them- but in isagi's attempt to seem like a big and brave man- he hand fed one!
and it hadn't let go of his hand yet- licking all over and chasing his hand inside the window when he tried to pull away.
"they like you! get out and be with them!" you hit his shoulder, letting out a shrill cry when the camel by your window yawned- the animals stinky breath hitting you in the face.
"isagi yoichi if you don't get out i swear to god!"
and it was an accident- it really was- but isagi's foot slammed on the gas. not hitting any camels, but giving the both of you a heart attack big enough to make the two of you forget about the camels.
you turned to look at him, with his blue eyes staring back at you before he busted out laughing, you still on the verge of tears.
"that wasn't funny! get out!"
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☾⋆⁺₊✧ kenyu yukimiya
it was just supposed to be a cute couples date while you two traveled for one of yukimiya's away games
one simple google search of ' what to do near me' gave you the answer of
' drive through safari '
and who didn't love feeding animals while driving and listening to calming music with the love of your life?
you. actually.
while your gorgeous and calm boyfriend was feeding a llama in his hand while petting its head, you were sobbing as a meaner - according to you - llama was at your window harassing you for food.
"yuki! please heLP-" you screamed- quickly grabbing more food as the llama on your side made a noise that sounded scarily like it was getting its spit ready.
you shakily extended your hand, jumping as the animal hastily started eating out of your hand
"drive kenyu. i'm not joking." you whispered as if you were scared the llama would hear you and commit an act of murder.
"oh, my love, they're sweet. why are you so scared?" he smiled as he cupped another hand of food- giving his charming smile to the llama.
"they only like pretty boys like you!!"
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i'm laughing thinking abt this i hope yall like it
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!
⋆.˚✮ 2025 ©airybcby ✮˚.⋆
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pinkroseblooms · 8 months ago
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obsessedloner!Choso/chubby!f!Reader) pt.1
Summary: modern day college au! Choso pines over his cute classmate. Ngl this is super self indulgent, probably OOC, with lots of fluff and smut, borderline crack really. Enjoy!
Warnings: stalking, unhealthy behavior, p in v sex, unprotected, possessive/obsessive behavior, smut, and etc. Choso is clingy and borderline yandere.
wc: 4.2k
You’re a sweetie pie, friendly to everyone but seemingly not close to anyone. You wear cute dresses and blouses, and have adorably round cheeks, so plump and cute, with a warm smile that puts every person you speak with at ease. Choso on the other hand, though not socially inept per say, simply doesn’t put much effort into socializing with his classmates or really any person outside his tight knit circle. All Choso really needs is his family and a couple close friends, the ones he’s had for years. He doesn’t need to win any popularity contests and with his pale, nearly translucent skin, inky black hair, and somewhat somber expression, Choso had something of a reputation for being creepy. Walking down the street, zoned out eyes and a thin lipped frown, it wasn’t uncommon for a person to double take, wondering if they had seen a hulking onryo in physical form.
And so, when he met you, Choso was at a loss. Suddenly everything he did seemed so awkward and stilted. He was fumbling over himself attempting to make your acquaintance; from being assigned to class projects or during group discussions, of which Choso found himself hanging on your every word with rapt attention no matter how boring the subject material actually was, he could never seem to find the right thing to say. It was a miracle when he was able to speak at all, outside of strictly school related topics. 
On a mild sunny day, it was a classmate had ultimately been the one to indirectly help Choso make a connection. They had pointed him out to you, who had been sitting unaware on a blanket in the campus courtyard with a book and a snack, Your peaceful, cozy study session outside was interrupted when a classmate came by to say hello and warn you of the strange man watching you from the smattering of trees and bushes surrounding the area.
“He’s always staring at you.” They winced as Choso ducked further behind the large oak he was half obscured behind. “What the hell? I can call security for you.”
“Oh it’s Choso.” you beamed in his direction, waving one of your arms over your head. “Hey Choso! Wanna study with me?”
Unsure if he was hallucinating, Choso ventured from his spot, steps heavy as he walked briskly to where you were camped out on the grass. Your classmate gave you a strange look. "Will you be okay?”
“Aw, he’s just shy.” you told them, your smile widening as Choso lingered a few feet away from the edge of your blanket.
“Uh huh. Alright then” 
With a shrug, they left you and Choso alone; for a few seconds, neither of you spoke.
“Hi.” Choso looked from you to the retreating classmate, and back to you again. “Can I sit down?”
“Sure!” you patted the spot next to you. “Are you hungry? I have some cookies in my bag, made them myself.”
You chatted with Choso about nothing in particular; he mostly nodded or gave one syllable answers as he munched carefully on the cookies you offered. He heard you talk about baking once or twice before; granted Choso is pretty neutral on most desserts but ever since hearing about your casual hobby, one of his favorite fantasies was you gifting him with sweets made with care: chocolate on Valentine's Day, a special cake for his birthday, or maybe you wearing nothing but a cute apron in his kitchen while he pinned you over the table and-
Well, maybe he's getting ahead of himself.
“You know, you could have just come over. How long were you gonna stand there?” you asked after Choso finished the cookies; you had brought extra, hoping to see him around campus again. Nothing said, "let's be buddies" like sharing homemade goodies, right?. “Besides, someone might think you’re stalking me.” you joked.
Choso hadn’t exactly meant to follow you; he really had intended to come over and greet you properly, ask if he could sit or if you wanted to get a coffee, something. Every time he tried to approach you, Choso ended up lingering near you, telling himself he would say something, a hello at the very least, but his feet would end up feeling like lead blocks and his palms would get clammy. Besides, you looked so content to be alone typing away on your computer or leisurely reading a book in your lap. What if you thought he was annoying? What if the only reason you treated him nicely in class was because you didn’t want to be rude and you secretly thought he was an off putting weirdo? Just imagining you looking up at him with apprehension or disgust made Choso’s resolve crumble. By the time he found an ounce of nerve to take a few steps toward you, you were already heading out of the library or the courtyard or the campus cafe and he was left feeling stupid and cowardly. Besides, of nothing else he could be near, just in case someone unwanted came along to bother you. Choso would put a stop to that easily.
“Sorry. I was going to, but you looked busy and…yeah.” Choso scratched at the bridge of his nose, nail grazing over the tattoo; his stomach flipped, remembering how you complimented it the first week of classes. No one else really talked to him but everyone seemed to like talking to you. He had been so surprised, he hadn’t even said thank you, just nodded and averted his eyes back to his notes. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“You don’t bother me. Actually,” you pause before taking out your phone. “I was going to ask during our next class: do you want to exchange numbers?”
Choso looked up at you, stricken faced and back straight. “You were?”
“Sure, this way we can make plans to hang out.” you explain casually, smoothing out your skirt as you shifted toward him, contact list open and ready to add his name. With that brief movement, your skirt hiked up higher over your thighs just well past your knees; Choso bit the inside of his cheek and prayed you didn’t notice his gaze flicker downward. It would take less than a second to reach over, feel the exposed skin, squeeze with his rough hand, and then he could get a better idea of how it would feel to have his head trapped between your quivering thighs while he-
“You mean it? So," Choso gazes at you hopefully; his eyes are so intensely fixed to yours that you almost feel the need to look away. "We would see each other outside of class?”
“Yeah, let’s get coffee or something. Also, if one of us is already busy, we can just reschedule. Or, you know, we can just text each other whenever. No pressure.” you gave him a thumbs up. “Sound good to you?”
“That makes sense.” Choso types his number into your phone; the pads of his finger are thick and he’s trembling a little, so he has to redo it twice. “Um, can I sit with you? Like, right now, I mean.”
“Of course.” you nod and scoot over a little to make more room for him on the blanket. “By the way, that song I heard coming from your earbuds the other day, it sounded good; what was it called?”
Choso was wrong, assuming approaching you would be the thing to test his will power and courage the most. Now that Choso has your number (he put a little rabbit emoticon by your name, his cute chubby bunny) he has to rein himself in from messaging you every fifteen minutes and even then he knows he texts you too much. Even so, no matter how many messages Choso sends, you never seem annoyed. Weeks go by and Choso has gone from sending you brief inquiries about the class material and when the next day off is to regularly texting you good morning and goodnight, links to videos he thinks you’d find funny, songs that remind him of you, pictures of ramen from the new spot he and his brothers had gone out to eat at, even an occasional selfie that had been taken about a dozen times until Choso felt confident enough to send it.  And that wasn’t getting into the questions, unprompted and random, about your favorite color, food, time of day, your family, your birthday, your preferred sleeping position.
You can’t lie, the attention is flattering and you find your heart seize up whenever Choso is brave enough to approach you first, when he starts cracking jokes, bringing you coffee and snacks every class, and finally volunteering more and more info about himself without your prompting. You want him to share things about himself with you, to feel comfortable and at ease. It took a little time and careful coaxing, but it was well worth getting to know this fiercely strong yet oddly gentle man. Choso who seemed to operate on a completely seperate set of rules and morals than most people yet still tried so hard to please you, as if it were his life's mission to do so. You never felt so curious about someone or so determined to have them be a part of your life.
In a short amount of time, Choso has become your shadow, always scrambling to pack up his notes and pens to follow you when you leave the room, practically bounding at your heels when you say you’re going off campus for a meal or shopping. He insists on accompanying you, offering to foot the bill, carry your bags; if you so much as sniffle, Choso is urging a packet of tissues and a bottle of tea into your hands. He knows it’s a lot, but he can’t help himself and you’re so quick to return the favor, to pay for him, bring him little gifts, check up on him if he’s looking particularly tired (usually because he was up all night stalking your socials and planning your next “date”)
You say one nice thing to him and Choso wants to shower you in praise; he doesn’t care if it’s excessive. Sure, technically you’re not his girlfriend, but in Choso’s mind, you might as well be. Besides, he’s happy just making you happy. So when the day comes where you put it all out on the table and ask him to be honest about what his feelings are, Choso is surprised he even has to spell it out.
“What are we?” 
The movie has been paused and you put aside the bucket of popcorn Choso had just made fresh for you with extra butter topping along with the pack of your favorite candy as a surprise gift for movie night. You’re sitting on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the hem of the band t-shirt Choso had lent you when he accidentally spilled coffee over your pretty new blouse. You never did give it back and Choso had never asked for you to return it. This is the first time he’s ever seen you so hesitant. 
“Listen, Choso, I like being your friend, I really do. I’ve never gotten this close to anyone before. You’re very...special to me, but I haven’t been completely honest with you.” you admit quietly. “I really, really like you, as more than just a friend. I’m sorry if that makes things weird. I know when you care for someone, you go all out, so maybe I’ve been misunderstanding this whole thing. I just had to tell you. You deserve to know. You’re such a great guy, I hope you’ll consider still being my friend.”
“I love you. Be my girlfriend.” 
Choso’s tone is so blunt and matter of fact, you’re almost startled into silence. 
“Oh. You love me?” 
“Yes.” 
"Oh." you repeat, still a tad taken aback. "I guess I was worried over nothing. I figured you might have a crush on me, unless I was mistaken, but I...really didn't expect this. Choso, are you sure? When you say love, you don't mean like a friend; you mean, love in 'that' way, right?"
Choso nods, pretty much looming over you; his outward expression is stoic, but you recognize the way his hands clench at his sides and his posture stiffens as him trying to calm his own nerves.
“I do. I meant it exactly how it sounds. I always wanted more, but I didn’t,” he shifts from one foot to the next, unsure whether it would be okay to sit next to you. “You aren’t scared of me? It’s really not…too much?”
Choso’s blood runs cold as you abruptly stand; you’re leaving. It’s too much too soon. Your patience has run out. You think he’s an overbearing freak and you’re going to run away, block him, avoid him. His eyes widen as you stare at him resolutely and it takes every ounce of strength he has to not crumble at your feet and beg you not to leave, to just give him a chance to show you how happy he could make you, the lengths he's willing to go to have you love him.
"I, I'm sorry." Choso steps forward, as if to block your path. "Just hear me out, one more time, plea-"
“I think I love you too.” you say softly, reaching for him slowly and cup his face in your warm palms; Choso brings his large hands up to cover yours, like he's trying to get you to squish his face. “I want to be with you.”
“Are you serious?” Choso exhales shakily. “You really love me?” 
You nod and lean forward barely a centimeter. “You’re really just too cute; can I kiss you now? Am I moving too fast?"
The words are barely out of your mouth before Choso wraps you into an almost painfully tight bear hug, your face is squished into his chest, arms trapped to your sides as Choso mutters softly into your hair.
“Are you really mine?” Choso asks quietly, his deep voice cracking a little as he drops onto the bed, cradling you like he’s afraid you’ll change your mind any second now, caging you with his whole being. “I know I get carried away. I just want to keep you safe. If I could, I’d keep you by me all the time. Is that wrong?”
“I don’t mind.” you smile into his sweatshirt and inhale his scent deeply. “I know you’re not a bad person. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Never!” Choso looks scandalized and you can’t help giggling a little at his bulging eyes and gaped mouth. “I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’ll try to do my best; if I ever hurt you, even by accident, you can hit me.”
“But I don’t wanna do that.” you tell him with a pouty frown. “Aways so extreme. How about we just talk and apologize or something?” you wriggle out of his strong iron band like arms enough to look him in the eyes properly. “Choso, you’re kinda squeezing too tight, can you…?”
Choso immediately loosens his hold, but he doesn’t give you any additional space. “Sorry.” he mumbles, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “Can we still stay like this for a while?” 
“Oh shoot, I was going to make a joke about you taking my breath away.” you grin impishly and return the hug with your newly freed arms. “So, about that kiss? Not that we have to! I guess we’re already moving pretty fast.”
“Not fast enough.”
"Huh?"
Choso’s eyes flicker to your mouth and his tongue darts out to lick his own bottom lip briefly. “Can we?”
“What?” you have to gather your thoughts as Choso sits back; your legs are on either side of his hips now as you find yourself propped up on his lap. He’s looking at you with a familiar intensity, but you can’t help feeling a little nervous; after all, it’s the first time you’ve been this close to each other, in this kind of position.
“Wanna kiss.” Choso’s words come out faintly slurred, despite not having a drop to drink all night. The movie that had been playing on his tv is still paused, the only source of light in the room. Choso had one hand on your lower back to steady you; the other was on your hip, his thumb rubbing circles underneath the hem of your shirt. “I’ll be gentle.”
“Okay. Thank you.” you offer him a smile before leaning in again, pressing your lips to his lightly, once, twice, three times, until Choso apparently decides chaste pecks aren’t enough. He groans into your mouth, the tip of his tongue wet and broad, tentatively licking as you part your lips wider. He’s getting loud now and suddenly his hands are gripping your thighs; you gasp, but it’s muffled by Choso’s mouth fully over yours as he rocks his hips. He’s grinding into you, hands rubbing your thighs and waist, traveling up your body to your chest. He loves how your plush tummy feels, how his fingers easily sink into your thighs. Choso has the sudden urge to bite into your chubby cheek.
“Choso,” you manage to break the heated kiss only for him to switch to nipping and sucking at your neck. “Wha-what are you-?”
“Can we keep going?” Choso pants, resting his head on your chest. “Please? Can I touch you more? Please?” he’s groping your breasts, staring at them almost in awe. “I want to see them. Can I…?” Suddenly, a look of dread overtakes his needy expression and he draws his hands away back to your waist. “Is it okay? If you don’t want to, I’ll stop. I just,” he breathes in and out shakily; you can feel him, pressing in between your legs. He’s hard, moving frantically, like he's not in control of his own body, rutting against your plump ass and pussy to feel some relief, frustrated he can't feel you completely with stupid clothes getting in the way. “Sorry. I want it so bad, I’ve never done anything before, so…but I can wait, I just get so worked up and you feel so soft, I'm s-sorry-”
“It’s alright, I’m just surprised: I've never seen you like this before.” you confess as you run a hand through Choso’s hair; it’s still a bit damp. He showered before you came over for movie night; you don't think he anticipated this, but then, Choso’s been surprising you all evening. “Are you ready? I'm okay Choso; you’re making me feel good. I didn’t think you would want to go farther than kissing, but if you're up for it,” with a teasing smile, you spread your legs and rub against him. “Do you want to fuck me tonight, Choso?”
Choso can’t speak for the moment, so he nods his head rapidly, cheeks flushing, brows furrowed as he rocks his hips in time with you, nearly bucking you right off his lap from the force of it. 
“Hold on.” you slowly lift your shirt over your breasts; you hadn’t bothered wearing a bra and from the way Choso lets out a ragged curse, you think he appreciates that. “You definitely want to keep going? Here, you can play with them; it’ll feel better if you get me all wet first. Go ahead, touch me all you want.”
“Does this feel good?” Choso’s thumb lightly rubs back and forth across one of your pert nipples; he’s practically salivating as you keen and whine, back arching, your hands gripping tight onto his broad shoulders. “Can I use my tongue?” he slowly moves forward to the other side, lips parting already, eager to know how your skin will taste.
“Oh god, yes!” your voice pitches higher as Choso gently circles the tip of his tongue around your nipple before suckling it; his hand gropes at your other breasts, pinching and rolling his thumb and forefinger carefully around, sending shocks of pleasure through your body. Choso's looking up at you through his eyelashes with a hooded adoring stare. You look like a dream come true, writhing on his lap, his shirt pushed up to your neck; he’s been dreaming of this, having your tits in his face, his hands, in his mouth, imagining how they’d feel, what your skin would feel like on his tongue.
After a few minutes, Choso releases your breast from his mouth. “More.” he demands in a low, hoarse voice. “Want more. Wanna see it…wanna see your pussy now.” you move up on your knees so Choso can slip your shorts down past your thighs. His fingers trace the cloth of your panties almost teasingly but really he just wants to savor every moment of this. Choso feels how wet you are through them and gulps. He's so close. He’ll get to feel you soon, feel how hot your insides are, how hot and wet your pussy will feel on his throbbing cock. Hurriedly, Choso yanks off his own sweatpants, barely taking a second before he has you on your back, head propped up on his pillow and recently washed comforter. He hoped it would be like this someday, that you would be here for him like this, naked, legs spread, his shirt still pushed up to show off your cute tits, your shining eyes basically begging for him to split you open on his cock. He’s happy you’re his first time; if Choso has his way, you’ll be his first and only. 
“I want to fuck you while you wear my shirt.” Choso strokes himself, from his base to his pink, leaking tip, settling between your thighs. “You’re mine now, right?” he asks, grunting as the thick head of his cock prods at your soaked pussy; he’s teasing your clit, loving the way you toss your head back, the way you’re actually dripping as he bottoms out. The feeling could knock the wind right out of him if Choso wasn’t so determined to have you just as overwhelmed and needy as he was feeling right now.
“Is this okay? Does it hurt?” Choso pistons his hips, holding your thighs open as he moves inside you; you manage to shake your head before letting out a shrill wail as Choso begins grinding into you as deep as he can. He’s rambling, greedily grabbing at you, holding you open, kissing and biting all over your exposed neck and breasts. “Fu-fuck, you feel so good! So soft and warm, I can’t get enough….wanna cum deep inside. Does it feel good? Am I making you feel good, am I making this pussy feel good?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” your nails drags over his shoulders and back as you struggle not to go limp from the force of his thrusts. “Choso, want to cum, touch me, please, I can’t take it anymore!” 
“You’re gonna take it. Gonna make you cum all over my cock.” Choso mutters; he’s slowly lapping at your hard, oversensitive nipples, salivating, completely lost in the way your pussy is clenching and the sweet pain of you scratching him, the burning red lines surely visible against his pale skin but he’s happy to let you mark him up. “Like this?’ he reaches down, still holding one of your legs up slightly while his free hand rubs his fingers over your clit. “Fuck yeah. I felt that, felt your pussy gush again. Go on, go on,” Choso grinds himself into you as he rubs your swollen clit, steady and quick. 
“CHOSO!” you scream as your body spasms; the sheets underneath you are damp and your body is hot and tense. The way he's stimulating every one of your most sensitive places is driving you crazy, you can barely think, just feel and listen to Choso’s low, raspy voice egging you on. “Oh god, please! I’m gonna-” 
“Yeah, cum on my dick. Cum all over me, you look so fucking hot right now, so cute...my chubby bunny.” Choso’s lips form an oddly soft grin as he watches you come apart; he feels it, feels you cumming around him, your pussy suddenly impossibly tight as you shake and sob. “Sh, sh, you’re okay.” his touch is slower, gentle on your clit, letting you ride out your orgasm. He thinks you’re so precious, twitching and whimpering as you come down from the high. “Shhh, relax. I’m going to move, okay? Can I?” 
Somehow you hear him through the haze and your rapidly beating heart and you nod. “Ye-yes, I want it. Keep fucking me.” you carress his cheek, smiling weakly. “Keep going, cum in me Choso. It's okay, I love you.” 
That’s when what little self control Choso had left snaps like a twig.
“Thank you." Choso wraps your trembling legs around his hips, anchoring you to him whole he shoves his cock as deep as he can inside you. Your mouth falls open but you can't even scream; somehow, it's like Choso’s gotten even harder. "Oh fuck thank you, I can’t believe it, can’t believe you’re letting me, thank you, thank you so much!” The headboard is knocking into the wall; all you can do is cling to Choso as he moans and babbles under his breath, rams his cock in and out of you like a man possessed. “Mine.” Choso has you wrapped in his arms again, pressing your limp ragdoll body to his. Your voice is too weak to let out more than little whispers of moans and frail, broken cries. “Fuck, you’re really mine.” Choso smiles down at you, cheeks flushed and eyes glistening with affection; he’s so close to cumming but he doesn’t want this to end. “Wanna keep you here with me all the ti-time, in my bed, gonna fuck you until you can’t go anywhere. Heh,” Choso kisses your temple with a satisfied, drunken smile as he strokes your fucked out face almost reverently. “You like that? Your pussy just got so tight. Let me, okay? Let me just take care of you from now on.” he picks up the pace again, molding you to him, kissing you as you go light headed; you may just pass out from this, but you don’t care, too busy getting swept up in Choso’s pleas and whines as he gets closer and closer to his own release, though he's the one at your mercy.
“Can I? Can I really cum in you?” he stutters, more begging than asking but either way he’s already losing himself in the sensation as his cock twitches and throbs with overstimulation. “Yes, yes, more, wanna stay like this, deep inside, gonna cum, gonna cum, shit, I’m gonna-!” Choso’s jaw clenches tight and he buries his face into your neck with a long, rough sob, rocking against you until he’s sure every last drop of his cum has been spilled deep inside your aching pussy. He has you in another deathgrip of an embrace but you melt into his arms, smiling dazedly as Choso brings your hand up and presses a loving kiss to your palm. 
“Sorry...I got carried away again, didn't I?” 
“You don’t look very sorry.” you pant, poking his tattoo lightly and let out a soft laugh. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sit up for a bit.”
The bridge of Choso’s nose crinkles and he does look a bit guilty now. “Sorry. I’ll take care of you. Hang on, I’ll get a towel.” 
“Mm, thank you.” you kiss his forehead. “You made me feel really good, I’m just super worn out. Could you bring me some water?” 
Choso nods and quickly stands up to fetch what you need; he’s still a bit dazed himself. When he comes back into the room, you’re still wearing his shirt with nothing else; he can see his cum slowly dripping down the inside of your thigh and has to stop himself from mounting you again. It’s obvious you’re tired and besides, there’ll be plenty of time for round two tomorrow morning when you’re waking up in his arms. “Hey,” Choso murmurs as you settle in under the covers with him. His finger lightly traces a particularly large love bite on the side of your neck. “Are you really mine?” “Choso, you really do worry too much.” Still, you can’t help but smile; he’s staring again, waiting raptly, looking absurdly innocent and almost childlike as he gazes at you beseechingly. “I’m all yours.” you kiss him tenderly once more before snuggling into his chest; Choso inhales sharply and has to fight back the tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He could die of happiness right now but then he wouldn’t get to have more kisses. 
“Come over for dinner tomorrow? I want to introduce you to my family.”
“I’d love to.” you sigh, content as Choso’s hand strokes up and down your back. “I can bake something.”
“Would it be too soon to say you’ll be their sister-in-law?”
“Hm, let’s hold off on that for a while.”
“Okay, I can wait.” Choso smiles, kissing your head gently. “Do you want to have kids?”
“Choso.”
“Sorry, right.” 
“It’s alright.” you murmur sleepily. “Talk later, sleep now.”
“Okay….can we do it again when you wake up?”
“Yes.”
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soobibabe · 10 months ago
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their reaction to making you squirt for the first time :3333333 - 🪼
omg omg omg i think about this a lot but never actually thought about how to articulate it >~<_.>^_^|>;3/“&’’’
yeonjun
he would be sooooooo cocky about it LOL.
he’s just so proud he did that to you, he made you do that. if you’re embarrassed about it and try to hide or cover your face he’ll hold your wrists to pull your hands away from your face followed by showering you in praise and compliments.
“look at me baby,” “you look so pretty like this” “good girl, you did so well” etc. he would absolutely ADORE you (and would probably have his lips attached to you once more to make you waterfall all over him again)
dare i add him saying something along the lines of “do that again on my face, fuck”
he makes sure to brag about it to his best friends :0
soobin
oh my god that man is a munch (do not ask me my sources)
idk man, he’s a slut for your pleasure. nothing turns him on more that getting you off.
seeing you lose yourself from his touch drives him insane. he’d do anything to watch you do it over and over and over again.
the first time you did it was when he was eating you out, fingers all the way inside of you, he practically worshipped you afterwards.
did i mention he’s vocal all while it happens? moaning into your cunt when your fingers tangle themselves in his hair, finding something to hold onto when your body’s squirming, overstimulated from him not stopping.
“ah fuck y/n, you’re gonna make me cum before i’m inside you”
beomgyu
he would be in awe. he would love it so much that he completely forgets about making himself finish that he puts all his effort and focus into making you do it again.
once it started, it never stops. he wouldn’t be satisfied unless he made you squirt. every. single. time. the two of you fuck, he seeks it out.
“just one more, you can take it my love” he’ll practically beg you to let him please you. to break you.
taehyun
absolutely obsessed with making you squirt. honestly, it makes his possessive side display more.
“look at the mess you made” “nobody else can make you feel this good” “who did this to you”
if you’re okay with it, he’d film it the next time to have something to use later on <3 once he does get to use the recording, he cums the fastest he ever has masturbating.
he swears nothing else has ever turned him on as much as watching you tip over the edge like that.
kai
HE LOVEEEES EVERY SECOND OF IT.
the first time you do it, it was so unexpected since you hadn’t always been a squirter. you both giggle at the sight, moaning in unison.
bonus points if you squirt all over his cock >.< it drives him insane, he literally cums at the sight of it.
i meant it when i said it drives him insane btw. after cumming, he’ll go another round (or two) (or three) overstimulating you both cause it got him that worked up.
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impishjesters · 1 year ago
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I have this idea floating around in my brain for a while about a reader who likes to draw and because they have a crush on Jax they draw him. Jax eventually steals their notebook and probably teases them about it lol.
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Jax x Crushing!Reader
warning(s): innuendos, bullying/teasing, Jax note(s): Look it's me and Jax, there's gonna be innuendos or some spicy wording and bullying. It's like a packaged deal or something. A/N: If you see me mixing Angel Dust's speech into Jax, no you didn't. If you didn't notice, I don't know how to tease and not be an asshole, so pretty on the brand I guess.
Caine had given you a sketchbook upon request, it was a little different than an actual sketchbook but it did the job regardless. Ever since your arrival, your fingers have been itching to draw, there were so many new sights and so much new inspiration.
There were so many things, so why did it seem like the doodles of Jax ended up on almost every page?
Easy, you had a crush on the apathetic, mischievous jerk named Jax.
Why? Well, now that’s the million-dollar question. He’s not inherently awful, no, that’s a lie, he’s an asshole. You don’t really have a good read on him yet but he’s funny! That’s gotta be redeemable, right? However, his jokes are usually backhanded and often involve being mean at the expense of others.
Okay so he’s a walking red flag but there’s something about him that has you crushing on the purple bastard.
Looking down at the sketchbook on your lap shows another two pages filled with sketches of random things, though most of the page is filled with Jax. You had taken to sketching things back in the real world to remind yourself of home, but eventually, those sketches would involve Jax doing mundane things.
Thing’s like sitting at a table eating real food, though you took creative measures when drawing an open mouth on him, it still looked off but it was serene and domestic. Then there’s the little sketch at the bottom of the page of Jax leaning against a window and staring outside. You’d manage to nab the pose and angle when he was leaning against one of the many random geometrical-shaped things in the main room and later added in a window.
It was embarrassing that almost more than half of the pages in the book involved Jax to some degree. Some pages weren’t even subtle, the whole page taking up a detailed portrait version of the male. Sometimes you even got creative and put him in different clothing.
Thumbing through the pages you saw there weren’t that many empty pages left. You’d need to ask Caine for another one and figure out what to do with this one. It couldn’t be left out in the open, you knew Jax had keys to everyone’s room and wouldn’t put it past him to go snooping. He’d already questioned you about the sketchbook before.
You’d been so focused on the sketchbook that you hadn’t noticed the man of the hour walking up. Jax noticed your intense focus and peeked over to see the infamous sketchbook on your lap, and with practiced ease managed to yoink it right off your lap.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here? You finally showing me what you keep your nose buried into?”
A yelp left you, stumbling to get on your feet you rushed to him and began swatting at the book and of course, he’d keep raising it just out of reach. “You took it! I didn’t say you could look at that!”
“Nah, pretty sure you said I could look at it.” He continued to lower and raise the book as you jumped to grab it. Sure he was curious before, but with a reaction like that? How could he not be even more curious? What kind of seedy shit were you drawing? Or perhaps some spicy nonfamily-friendly content?
Jax ignored your frantic words and opened the book to a random page, he was going to tease you about whatever dumb stuff you drew since you always had your nose in it but all he saw were sketches of himself.
A normal person might get embarrassed and hand the book back, but he’s not a normal person. It’s a little freaky, he won’t lie. A glance downwards shows him you’ve gone silent in front of him, simply staring down while he invades the privacy that was your sketchbook.
Your face is red and you look like you’re going to cry any second.
He’s a jerk, he was going to fuck with you, and he still is, but for the moment he’s taking in all the creative little pieces involving his face. Ya know, he never really thought much about how he’d look in other clothes. Gotta say he looks pretty snazzy in something that isn’t these shitty overalls.
“You know if I didn’t know any better,” his fingers still flip through the pages as he steps closer, circling you. “I’d say you like me.”
“I don’t.”
The reply is rushed and he rolls his eyes at the blatant lie, he’ll humor you this time. “Oh yeah? Does that mean you’ve got sketchbooks for everyone else too? Cause I’m pretty sure this is the only one I’ve seen you with.” He taps a doodle on the cover that gives away it’s the same notebook he always sees you with.
Tears trickled down your cheeks, you knew he was a jerk but this felt like too much. You just wanted your sketchbook back and to run away to your room, maybe pin something in front of the door that would render even the key useless.
His eyes roll the second he sees a tear, he’s not really seeing the problem here. You’ve got a book full of creepy—okay not completely creepy, he’s a good model so good on you for seeing that—sketches of him and he’s truthfully honored. It’s clear that you didn’t do this with everyone, so he’s honored to be your little model. Besides, it’s not like you actually have a crush on him, right?
Minutes tick by of him simply eyeing you, you’re still crying and it’s starting to get a little ugly and snotty, ugh. But you aren’t trying to further deny his little comment about you liking him. He’ll have to have a little talk about that later, what you could possibly see in him because he knows that you aren’t a sadist—oh, are you a masochist? That’d explain a lot.
Jax sighs and closes the book but doesn’t hand it over, simply putting the free hand on his hip. “You know if you wanted to see my face all you gotta do is ask. I’ll gladly show you this handsome face any day toots.”
Of all the things you thought he’d say, that wasn’t it. “H-huh..?” You embarrassingly wipe away the tears and snot before looking up at him.
“You heard me. Ya know I love this face too, very handsome. Maybe we can get Caine to put up some artwork in the tent of yours truly.” Jax wouldn’t consider himself vain, but you did have a way of making him look more, dare he say, attractive.
“I-I don’t… I don’t understand…” Was he still making fun of you?
He rolls his eyes before playfully hitting your head with the book. “Jeez, and here I thought you were smart.” Jax leaned over like he was speaking to a child and pushed the book to your chest. “I’m saying, the next time you wanna draw me I’ll give you a front-row seat. Maybe even take it to the bedroom so we won’t be disturbed.”
You push the book into his face to cover up that growing smirk and blush furiously. “Wh-what?! N-no I-I don’t…!” It’s hard to tell if he’s being serious or not in his offer to model for you, especially with the bedroom comment.
“C’mon, clearly you got taste. I mean that book is filled with sketches of me. I’ll commend you on your immaculate taste.” Jax taps the book before playfully bopping your nose. “At least let me give you the pleasure of seeing me close up. I’ve never been a model before so you might have to get a little hands-on to get me the way you want me.”
As the innuendos continue your face feels like it’s getting impossibly red and warm. Somehow this is worse than him telling you a sketchbook full of his face is creepy, in fact, you’d almost prefer it because your poor little heart can’t take anymore. You let out a yell and it stops his tangent but that stupid smirk of his never disappears.
“Offer still stands. You know where to find me.” Jax turns away but not before throwing a little wink over his shoulder. He still plans on pestering you about what you see in him, but for now, he’ll cut you some slack. You’re about as red as Ragatha’s hair and as much as he loves to see it, he didn’t plan to get this sidetracked when he saw you on your own.
He’s got a sucker to prank.
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astroninaaa · 1 year ago
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wtf is going on with cellbit - by a brazilian law major student
hey besties ever since the day cellbit released that PDF i’ve been keeping up with his shit bc as a law student (only two years to go!!!!) in brazil it’s kinda really interesting to see how it goes, specially since i don’t think we’ve ever had this sort of judicial action taken by an internet celebrity, like, ever. so i’ve decided to kinda explain what’s going on. if anyone has any questions after this i’d be really up to talk about it i love talking about law 🫶 xoxo let’s start. also sorry if anything reads weird english is not my native language okay
for those who don’t know, very recently, a judicial action taken by cellbit has made public. in this action, he’s suing over 200 people for the crime of defamation.
the action was taken to court in january, but it was under what we call “secret of justice”, which means only cellbit himself and twitter’s lawyers had access to it. now that there have been decisions by the judge and everything, the process’s been made public.
basically, cellbit started an action against twitter (NOT THE PEOPLE WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME YET), citing a little over 200 tweets that accused him of crimes like SA, psychological abuse, pedophilia, and others. all of those are real crimes in brazil — and accusing someone of committing crimes (specially as awful crimes as those) without proof is a crime in itself (defamation). he claimed that the tweets were harmful to his honor, mental health, and reputation, besides categorizing as defamation, since there’s no investigation going on against him for all these infractions he’s being accused of.
with that, he asked twitter to delete all the tweets, and to provide him with the personal information of said twitter accounts so he can sue them directly for defamation. he did these requests through something called “tutela cautelar”, which means the judge gets to decide whether or not twitter has to do these things before proof production and proper investigation, since, if twitter doesn’t do those things, the damage to his honor and reputation will be ongoing + he won’t be able to sue the proper people in time.
the judge conceded to his requests, and twitter has already deleted all the tweets. the main discussion going right now is wtf do they do about the international accounts — does our law apply to them? what’s gonna happen? we don’t know yet. that’s being discussed in court for the moment and, considering brazilian courts, it might take quite a while.
so, yeah, all those people aren’t being sued YET. but they will, probably somewhat soon.
it’s also important to mention that this lawsuit is from january and was only now released to the public. there’s probably a lot more coming after the whole fiasco that led him to releasing his statement, including a lawsuit against his ex herself.
now, other topics — could he sue other twitter accounts for cyber bullying or death threats? probably, but my personal opinion is that suing for defamation and focusing on accounts that were accusing him of having committed crimes was a much better move because it’s a much stronger case.
there’s very little room for discussion when a person has outright said “cellbit committed this crime”. death threats have more room for discussion: “oh, but they’re hundreds of miles away, it wasn’t a serious threat”, “they didn’t mean it”, “it was a joke”. same thing goes for cyberbullying: it can get too subjective.
defamation isn’t subjective. you accuse someone of a crime they didn’t commit? boom, defamation, at least according to our laws. so, to me, personally, it makes a LOT of sense for his lawyers to focus on that: he’s a LOT more likely to win than if he was suing for cyberbullying, threatening, insult, or any of that. also, he’s a lot more likely to win FASTER.
when he gets to sue the actual people who committed the crime, that is. for now, he’s only requested twitter to give him the necessary information to get to these people, which i think they’ll very likely be obligated to do. there are digital data protection laws in brazil, but a crime is a crime. digital data protection isn’t gonna protect you from the court.
another thing: LGPD (brazil’s general law of personal data protection) forces all social media companies to keep records of all the content posted by their users for AT LEAST six months. many companies keep it for way longer. that’s a law created for judicial purposes, in case something published to twitter, facebook, or instagram needs to be analysed by a court. that’s why even tho twitter has deleted the tweets, they still have them, and why it doesn’t matter if the people responsible are deleting the tweets, the accounts, the fucking app itself. the records are still there, and they will be used judicially.
i think that’s the overall for the situation, but i’m willing to answer any questions and to discuss it if anyone wants to! i’m a big law enjoyer. also personally i think cellbit is so fucking right for this like YEAH people don’t get to commit fucking crimes on twitter and get away with it. really interested in how this is gonna go law-wise, but in general also really glad to see someone take action like this.
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astraule · 9 days ago
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"I Want You"
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Pairing: Neteyam x Reader Song: Cornflower Blue - Flower Face “Moonlight paints your skin cornflower blue. You love me ‘til you wear me out.” Tags: 18+, aged up characters, self-consciousness, size difference, size kink, virginity and innocence, talking you through it, fingering, PIV. Translation: Ikran (banshee), Tewng (loincloth), Sweyn nga kxuke (keep you safe), Yawntu (beloved), Nga fyep ma txe’lan (you hold my heart), Palulukan (thanator). Y/N: She/Her human-avatar hybrid reader. (human body and height with avatar details like markings, tail, and cue). Word Count: 1.7 K Summary: As the group journeyed into the Hallelujah Mountains, Neteyam stopped in the forest of bioluminescence to reveal his heart to you. He was taken by your beauty, but you were wary, fearful of your differences and uncertain destiny. With tension lost, your soft touches became passionate ones, strengthening your connection. On the way back to High Camp, Kiri saw your disheveled look, which intrigued her and Lo'ak. Their realization made them laugh and led to shock, especially given the uncomfortable tension between you, Neteyam, and Kiri. The initial dialogues are in Na’vi, but they are clearly presented in English for better comprehension. I’ve chosen to retain a few Na’vi terms to add a playful touch to the fanfic.
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3RD POV: (High Camp Biolab)
"How many times do we have to remind you all to take the long way around?" A female voice echoed through the biolab, catching your attention. Kiri mimicked the voice with an exaggerated eye roll as she reached for a CO2 mask, joined by Lo'ak and Neteyam. Meanwhile, Spider peeled off his exopack and savored a gulp of fresh air. Unlike you, who'd had no problem breathing inside under cover of the humans, and outside on Pandora.
"What are you all here?" You asked, rising off the ground as you stood beside Spider. "You know Kiri; she can't resist visiting Grace every single day," Lo'ak replied as he watched Kiri perch on top of Grace's tank. "And we thought you might want to join us for some fun," Neteyam added.
As Neteyam spoke, you looked over at Max, silently seeking his approval. "I don't see why not," he replied, returning to his tasks. Spider chimed in, teasingly questioning, "You still need to ask for permission?" With a smirk, you crossed your arms and shot back, "I'm a vital part of the biolab; what if they need me and I'm not around?"
You and Spider shared a bond to that of siblings, having been at the biolab since the very beginning of your lives. The story of your creation is a complex one; it all began when a group of scientists experimented with human and avatar DNA, leading to the unexpected emergence of your egg in one of the tanks. When you were an embryo, you had a humanly figure but shortly after that, your tail and cue began to develop. By the time you were fully formed, you left everyone in awe, an astonishing amalgamation of human and avatar characteristics.
From that day on, you and Spider grew up together, learning English and Na'vi at the same time. When you met the Sully kids, a strong friendship was born that has lasted ever since, clearly going into adulthood.
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(Hallelujah Mountains)
"Why do we have to check out the ikrans when we already have ours?" you asked, trotting to catch up with Neteyam while following Lo'ak, Kiri, and Spider. "Well, you see, Spider is once more painting our marks on himself and we want to see if he will actually get recognized by ikrans this time," Lo'ak added with a smile. "Fair warning, it's probably gonna go sideways," Kiri commented.
"Good luck to you," you said, crossing your arms. Just then, Neteyam caught your arm, halting your steps. "What are you doing?" you began, but he cut you off. "Forget about these fools and their nonsense; I have something to show you."
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(Bioluminescent Forest)
"Wait… how can this be? Is it already night?" you asked, looking around in shock as Neteyam shook his head. "Not at all, the trees are just so tall; they block out all sunlight that could shine down on us."
"The view is so beautiful," you said, bending down to stroke a bright tuft of grass that glimmered emerald green. "Not as beautiful as you," Neteyam said, his eyes moving from your back down to the bend in your leg. You spun around, your curiosity piqued. "Huh?" you hummed, catching Neteyam gaze fixed on you, his eyes tracing the cascade of hair down your back. "Seriously, Y/N, you can't tell me you haven't seen the way I look at you," he said, the faintest hint of color rising in your cheeks.
“Stop it with the jokes," you were saying just before your body hit the ground illuminating the green grass under you with Neteyam on top of you. "I swear, I'm not joking, Y/N," he said, his voice laced with a bit of concern. "Neteyam…", you breathed out, your heart racing. "Believe me, I can't keep these feelings for you to myself any longer." Neteyam replied, swallowing hard as your gaze dropped, noticing the outline pressing against his tewng.
"Neteyam, we can't do this," you said, trying to turn away from him. "Why not?" he asked, his huge tail, much thicker and longer than yours, wrapping itself around your slim left leg. "Your parents, your siblings" you replied, setting your gaze forward so you could look into his eyes.
"You really think I want to hide my feelings for you? That ship has already sailed," he said with a warm smile directed at you. "Neteyam, this isn't how it should be. You're Na'vi, and I'm just an abomination. You deserve someone who can provide a legacy worthy of the son of the olo'eytan," you replied. Unbeknownst to everyone else, but deep down, you had feelings for Neteyam for a very long period of time, you knew it could never be.
"Why would you think such a thing about yourself? Why would I seek a successor if it can't be with the woman I truly love and cherish?" he said, his hand gently cupping your cheek, covering the entire side of your face. A child born to a Na'vi in a human-like body caused you fear, you did not know of the possibilities ahead of what could happen.
"Neteyam, I am-," you said, about to further your message when he hushed you with "you’re small, I know,” calmly trying to calm your fears. "We cannot afford the luxury of not taking into consideration what may happen." Your eyes had welled up with tears as you replied, "I love you, Neteyam, but I’ll feel so worthless if I’m unable to bear your children." He looked at you with sincerity and said, "Y/N, you, the woman I love, were born in a science lab. So why can't our children be the same?”
You began to voice your apprehensions, saying, "and what if I accidentally-," but he cut you off with a soft kiss on the forehead that seemed to envelop you. "Eywa sweyn nga kxuke," he murmured, looking into your eyes. It felt like at this moment, all your fears fled, leaving behind only the desire to be at his side.
He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against yours as he whispered, "I will keep you safe." His warm tongue caressed your soft lips with gentle strokes, and you buried your fingers into his shoulders, digging your nails deep into his skin, eliciting a soft wince from him. Your lips parted, and with the opening, your gaze locked into his as you whispered, "Neteyam, please take care of me." The lust in your eyes was clear, wordlessly inviting him to take every possibility of you.
He soothed you reassuringly, hissing, "I'll take care of you, yawntu," as his huge hand came to rest on your small belly, his thumb drawing soft circles for a moment. Then, with slow intention, he slid his hand to the knots of your loincloth, loosening them gently and moving it aside. The loincloth hadn't covered that much anyway, but why not enjoy the sight of the one he loved in all her beauty?
Neteyam noticed the flush on your cheeks and smiled. "There’s no reason to feel shy, you’re beautiful." He loosened his loincloth, showing himself. He saw a different sort of fear in your eyes and muttered, "I'll prepare you for what's to come," as his hand slid to caress the warmth between your legs, wringing a soft whimper from your lips.
"Teyam," you whispered, your hand closing around his forearm. "Don't worry, I’ve got you," he said, his finger tentatively probing at your entrance causing you to wince a bit. As inexperienced as you were, you couldn’t help but wonder if one of his fingers was this intense then two would equal the girth of an average man.
Your thoughts were briefly interrupted as his finger moved slowly inside you, not trying to find necessarily anything but instead adjusting you perfectly for him. Your breath quickened, letting out soft gasps every time Neteyam paused before continuing his motions. “I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, my dear; I really don’t want to hurt you,” he said, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead before leaning in to capture your lips with his.
His massive, cat-like tongue glided over your lips before diving into your mouth, completely dominating the moment. Your small tongue quickly gave into his as the kiss deepened. With his tongue filling your mouth, you didn’t notice his other finger slipping inside you until he pulled away, and the sensation hit you hard. It made you arch your back a bit, a blend of pleasure and discomfort flooding through you. His arm encircled your back, holding you steady as he placed soft kisses along your neck.
Neteyam's breath brushed against your neck as he whispered, “Nga fyep ma txe’lan,” sending a thrilling shiver down your spine while his fingers caressed within you gently. This was the moment you had always envisioned, and the depth of Neteyam's feelings for you made it even more overwhelming, bringing tears to your eyes as you struggled to hold back a sniffle. A look of concern crossed his face as he paused, gazing at you with worry. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly.
You shook your head, brushing away tears with the back of your hand, as you pleaded softly, "I want you, please." The urgency in your voice caught Neteyam's interest, his ears perked up with curiosity. He withdrew his fingers slowly, only to plunge himself into you halfway, making a gasp tumble out of your lips.
"The sounds we're creating will make the rest of Pandora's creatures believe that we're not so different from them." Neteyam grunted, sensing how your walls tightened around him. "At least they'll leave us alone," you said, peering up at him with streaming eyes and a running nose. This was the very image that Neteyam cherished.
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(High Camp)
"Neteyam, Y/N? Where did you two go?" Kiri asked, her eyes narrowing at your tousled state. Your hair was in knots, and hickeys marked your neck and scratches on Neteyam's back. You looked like you had just crawled out of a fight with a palulukan. "You've been gone for an hour-" Lo'ak began, it didn’t take him long to realize. He looked at Spider, and they shared a knowing look before bursting out laughing.
Kiri stared at them in shock, her face changing as the realization dawned on her. "Oh Eywa, really? That is repulsive," she cried, looking back and forth between you and Neteyam. "You're my brother, and you're my best friend," she insisted, affirming your relationship with both of them. "I never wish to hear of that again," she finished, as your cheeks flushed with shame as Neteyam sympathetically patted you on the back.
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It took me long enough to get all of this together, but I had my idea and wasn't about to let that prevent me. I hope everyone enjoyed the read.
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