#...if I don't post the next part do I still have to accept that certain people are dead?

[honeyslibrary]

Rookie Card | Jack Hughes

Pairing; Jack Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warning(s); Fluff, established relationship, little to no knowledge of Costco (I've never been lol), edited once, that's it I think!

Summary; Jack finds out that reader keeps a certain card in her wallet

Word Count; 3.1k

Authors Note: I feel like if this happened IRL he'd be such a little shit about it and would not stop teasing 😭 Also I don't have a Costco membership idk what they sell there and I did not look it up to be accurate 🥴 -Honey

You knew this Costco trip was a mistake the moment Jack grabbed the cart.

"I'm driving," he'd announced with that lopsided grin that still made your stomach flutter after eight months together. That grin had gotten you into this relationship in the first place. The same one he'd flashed at you across the bar the night you met, when your friend had elbowed you and whispered, "Holy shit, that's Jack Hughes," and you'd pretended not to know exactly who he was.

Now that same grin was steering an overloaded shopping cart through the warehouse chaos of Costco on a Sunday afternoon, which felt considerably less charming.

"Slow down," you call out as he narrowly avoids clipping an elderly woman examining a stack of discounted bestsellers. "This isn't the ice, Hughes."

Jack shoots you a look over his shoulder. "I'm being careful! Besides, we need to beat the sample rush. Those little pizza bagel things go fast."

You roll your eyes but can't help cracking a smile. For a professional hockey player who regularly gets body-checked into boards, Jack has an almost childlike enthusiasm for the free samples at Costco. It's endearing, even if his cart navigation skills leave much to be desired.

Two hours later, the cart is piled dangerously high with everything from the mundane essentials you actually came for (paper towels, coffee beans, that specific brand of Greek yogurt Jack insists is the only acceptable post-workout snack) to the impulse purchases that somehow found their way in when you weren't looking (a 2.5lb bag of dried mango slices, a folding camp chair, and what appears to be an industrial-sized container of protein powder).

"Do we really need all this?" you ask, eyeing the mountain of products as you approach the checkout area.

Jack looks genuinely confused. "Which part don't we need?"

"I don't know, maybe the trashcan sized candle?"

"You said your apartment always smells like hockey gear!"

"I meant you should do laundry more often, not turn the place into a Yankee Candle outlet."

He shrugs, unrepentant. "Trust me, I'm doing us both a favor."

As you approach the front of the store, Jack steers the cart toward the self-checkout area.

"The regular lines aren't that long." you comment, glancing at the regular checkout lanes where actual employees could help with the small mountain of purchases you've accumulated.

Jack scoffs. "Self-checkout is way faster. Plus, I'm basically a professional at scanning."

"Since when?"

"I did a grocery store commercial last season, remember? Spent like three hours scanning the same box of cereal from different angles."

You bite back a smile. "I'm pretty sure that doesn't translate to actual scanning skills."

"I forgot you were the expert," he rolls his eyes, smiling as he maneuvers the cart into the self-checkout lane.

The Costco self-checkout is already chaos. The cart is overloaded, the scanner next to yours keeps yelling "place item in the bagging area," and Jack is too busy pretending the jumbo box of Goldfish is a dumbbell to be remotely helpful.

"Four pounds of pure cracker power," he announces, curling the box in perfect form. "Could be a new workout trend. Snackercise."

An exasperated mother with twin toddlers shoots him a look that's half annoyance, half recognition. You've gotten used to the double takes, the whispers, the occasional autograph requests. Jack handles them with ease, always friendly, always gracious, never making it weird. It's one of the things you admire about him, even if you're still adjusting to dating someone whose face is plastered around the city.

Today, thankfully, the mother is too focused on keeping her children from dismantling the candy display to approach. Jack sets down the Goldfish box with a mock grunt of exertion and turns his attention back to you.

"Want me to scan stuff?" he offers, reaching for the box of protein bars you're holding.

"I've got it," you say quickly, having witnessed his "scanning skills" on previous shopping trips. The last time you let him take over at Target, you'd ended up with three accidental duplicates and one item that never made it into the system at all.

You're juggling a case of sparkling water and trying to scan your membership barcode from the app when you groan.

"It's not loading," you mutter, tapping frantically at your phone screen where the Costco app has frozen on a loading icon. "Can you just get my wallet? It's in the pink one, middle pocket of my bag."

Jack perks up like you just asked him to defuse a bomb. "On it," he says, already elbow deep in your tote. "Why do you carry so much stuff in here? Are you secretly a suburban mom?"

"Just grab the wallet," you sigh, shifting the sparkling water to your other arm. The self-checkout machine beeps impatiently, its screen flashing a demand for your membership ID.

"I'm exploring uncharted territory here," Jack narrates, rummaging dramatically. "I may need supplies. Possibly a headlamp."

The employee monitoring the area, a tall guy appearing about your age, wearing a faded Yankees cap, glances over with amusement. You feel a flash of self-consciousness, aware of how you and Jack must look: bickering over a shopping cart like you've been married for decades rather than dating for months. It's comfortable, though. That's what surprised you most about being with Jack, how quickly the comfort came, how easily you fell into each other's rhythms.

Jack pulls out a crushed receipt, a Tide pen, and a tampon like he's on Let's Make a Deal. "Is this a snack bar? Why do you have a Canadian penny in here? What year even is this?"

"Jack." Your patience is wearing thin. The case of water is getting heavier by the second, and the lady behind you is starting to make pointed throat-clearing noises.

"Okay, okay," he says, finally fishing out your wallet and flipping it open. "Looking for the ol' Costco membership—" He hands you the card, "wait a sec."

You pause mid-scan, turning slowly at the change in his tone. "What?"

He's gone still. Smirking.

"No way." His voice cracks slightly as he pulls out a small, glossy rectangle. "Is this? Babe, is this my rookie card?"

Your stomach drops. "Oh my God, Jack. Give me that."

The blood rushes to your face so quickly you feel light-headed. Of all the things he could have found: the ancient gum wrapper you keep forgetting to throw away, the fortune cookie paper with the embarrassingly accurate prediction about meeting a handsome stranger, even the crumpled CVS receipt from when you panic bought three different pregnancy tests after a condom mishap last month (all negative, thankfully), he had to find THAT.

"You carry this around?" he laughs, holding it up like he's found hidden treasure. "In your wallet. Next to your license. And your credit card. I’m literally next to your driver’s license.”

You lunge for it, nearly dropping the sparkling water. "I forgot it was even in there!"

It's a lie and you both know it. The card is in pristine condition, carefully tucked into one of the clear plastic sleeves in your wallet where most people would keep photos of loved ones or emergency contact information. You'd bought it four years ago, back when Jack was just starting to make headlines, back when you would never have dreamed you'd one day be sharing takeout on his couch while he complained about his coach's defensive strategy.

He dodges you like a child on a sugar high, rookie card still in hand. "You've been walking around with literal 18-year-old me in your purse this whole time?" He holds it toward you, pointing at his face. "Look at this haircut! I look like I was just let out of a Boy Scout meeting."

"Stop talking," you hiss, your face fully on fire as the self-checkout voice robotically reminds you to please place item in the bagging area.

The employee at the front is now openly watching your exchange, a slow smile of recognition spreading across his face as he realizes exactly who Jack is, and exactly which card Jack is holding. Great. Just what you need: a witness to your humiliation.

"Oh, this is rich," Jack says, shaking his head. "You, giving me crap about being cocky, but meanwhile? You've got a personal Jack Hughes shrine in your wallet."

You glare at him, wishing desperately for a sinkhole to open beneath your feet. "Do you want me to put that card in the trash right now?"

He snorts, finally slipping it back into its slot with fake reverence. "Absolutely not. That thing's probably worth, like, eight bucks."

"Try a couple hundred," the employee chimes in helpfully, then immediately holds up his hands in surrender when you shoot him a death glare. "Sorry. Just saying."

"See?" Jack grins. "You're carrying around, what, Nathaniel's monthly rent in your wallet? That's dedication." He gestures to the Rangers fan, who apparently is named Nathaniel and who apparently needs to mind his own business.

You snatch the wallet out of Jack's hands, cheeks still burning, and you return to scanning items with aggressive efficiency.

"So," Jack says, leaning against the bagging area with his arms crossed, watching you work with infuriating amusement. "When exactly were you planning to tell me you were a fan?"

"I wasn't hiding it," you mutter, scanning a jar of almond butter with unnecessary force. "I told you I watched hockey."

"Yeah, but you never mentioned having a collection of hockey cards. Of me, specifically."

"It's not a collection. It's one card."

Jack raises an eyebrow. "Mm-hmm. And are there others at home? Like, do you have a special album or something? Holy shit, do you have posters?"

"No," you say, a beat too quickly.

The truth, which you would rather die than admit right now, is that you do own exactly one poster. It's from a sports magazine spread three years ago, and it's been carefully rolled up and stashed in the back of your closet since your third date with Jack, when things started to feel serious enough that you realized having his face on your wall would be deeply weird.

"You hesitated," Jack says triumphantly. "There are posters."

"There are no posters," you insist, though your traitorous complexion is probably giving you away. You've always been a terrible liar, a fact Jack discovered during your first attempt at playing poker together, when he cleaned you out of chocolate-covered almonds (your chosen betting currency) within twenty minutes.

"You know," he says, taking pity on you and beginning to bag some of the scanned items, "it's kind of cute."

"It's embarrassing," you correct him, focusing intently on scanning a pack of chicken breasts.

"Why? You're a hockey fan who happened to start dating a hockey player. That's not weird."

"It's weird if I was specifically a fan of you before we met."

"Were you?" he asks, and there's a note of genuine curiosity beneath the teasing now.

You sigh, pausing your scanning marathon. "I watched your games sometimes. I thought you were good." You look up at him, considering how much to reveal. "I liked how you played, like you were actually having fun, not just doing a job. It was... I don't know. It made the game more exciting."

Jack's expression softens, the teasing glint fading into something warmer. "That's... actually really nice."

"Don't let it go to your head," you warn, but you're smiling despite yourself.

"Too late," he says, tapping his temple. "Already filed under 'Evidence My Girlfriend Thinks I'm Amazing.'"

The self-checkout machine beeps demandingly, reminding you that you've paused too long between scans. You return to the task at hand, but the tension has dissipated, replaced by a comfortable rhythm as Jack bags while you scan.

"You know," he says after a moment, carefully arranging a tub of laundry detergent next to the candles, "I have some of your work saved on my phone."

You look up, surprised. "What?"

"Those illustrations you did for that children's book about the penguin? I downloaded them. They're in a special album." He shrugs like it's no big deal, but there's a hint of vulnerability in the admission. "I show them to the guys sometimes. Demko's kid loves the one with the penguin on the skateboard."

"You... show my work to your teammates?" The thought of Jack's hockey buddies, men whose names appear on jerseys and in ESPN headlines, looking at your penguin drawings is surreal.

"Yeah. I'm a fan." He says it simply, without the teasing edge from before.

You don't know what to say to that, so you just keep scanning, but something warm unfurls in your chest. It's been like this since the beginning, moments of revelation that catch you off guard. Reminders that beneath the public persona and the franchise player status, Jack is just... Jack. A guy who gets excited about Costco samples and saves your artwork on his phone.

Jack leans in, way too pleased with himself, as you scan the last few items. "I'm starting to think you were a fan before you were my girlfriend."

"I hate you," you say, but there's no heat in it.

"No you don't."

You glance at him. He's grinning like an idiot, casually bagging your industrial-size trail mix like this isn't the most embarrassing moment of your life.

"Okay, maybe I don't," you mutter, swiping your credit card.

He bumps your shoulder. "It's okay, babe. I'd carry your rookie card around too. If you had one."

"What would a children's book illustrator's rookie card even look like?" you wonder, punching in your PIN.

"First professional doodle," Jack says thoughtfully. "Maybe that red panda you showed me, the one you drew for your niece's birthday card."

"That was awful. I gave him six toes."

"It had character," Jack insists. "Very avant-garde."

You roll your eyes so hard it's a miracle they stay in your head. "Let's go before you start reciting your career stats to the family behind us."

"Oh, I would never—" He pauses, then turns to the man waiting in line. "Did you know she keeps my rookie card in her wallet?"

"JACK."

He laughs, loud and unrestrained, as you grab his arm and drag him away from the checkout area, your face flaming all over again.

"You're the worst," you inform him as you navigate toward the exit, receipt clutched in your hand.

"And yet, you keep my rookie card with you at all times," he counters, skillfully steering the cart around a display of seasonal patio furniture. "Makes a guy wonder what else you might be hiding."

"My deep regret about agreeing to date you?"

"Nah, that's written all over your face." He grins. "I'm thinking more like, do you have a scrapbook? Did you write my name with hearts around it in your diary? Ooh, did you have one of those fathead wall decals?"

You stop walking, fixing him with your most serious expression. "Jack. If you ever want me to sleep over at your place again, you will drop this immediately."

He considers this for a moment, then mimes zipping his lips. "Dropped."

"Thank you."

You resume walking, pushing through the exit doors into the parking lot. The late afternoon sun hits your face, warm against the crisp autumn air. Jack moves ahead to guide the cart, his shoulders relaxed under his faded blue henley, hair slightly mussed from where he ran his hands through it while deliberating between two different coffee brands for twenty minutes.

"I forgot to ask," he says as you reach the car, "are you coming to the game on Thursday?"

"I have that deadline for the fox book illustrations," you remind him, helping to load bags into the trunk of his SUV. "But I could come to Saturday's game maybe?"

Jack nods, lifting the case of water with ease. "Saturday works. Oh, don't forget, there's that charity thing on Sunday."

"Gala thingy?"

"Yeah." He slams the trunk closed. "Bring your wallet though."

You narrow your eyes, pausing with the shopping cart halfway to the return corral. "Why?"

"In case anyone asks for your autograph," he says with exaggerated seriousness. "After, you can show them my rookie card, tell them you knew me when."

You groan, abandoning the cart to march back to him. "I swear to God, Hughes—"

But before you can finish your threat, he catches you around the waist, pulling you against him. "You're cute when you're mortified," he murmurs, and then he's kissing you, right there in the Costco parking lot, with the orange glow of sunset painting everything gold.

When he pulls back, you keep your hands on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath your palm. "I'm never taking you shopping again," you inform him.

"Yes you are," he says confidently. "You need someone to reach the top shelves."

"I can bring a stepladder."

"A stepladder won't tell you interesting facts about protein powder or help you pick out deli meat."

"Those are selling points?"

He kisses you again, quickly this time. "Admit it. Shopping with me is an adventure."

"A nightmare," you correct him, but you're smiling. "A recurring nightmare where I'm trapped in Costco forever with a hockey player who thinks jumbo sized everything is a personality trait."

Jack laughs, releasing you to retrieve the abandoned shopping cart. "Come on, nightmare's over for today. Let's go home and figure out where we're going to put that giant candle in your apartment."

"Your apartment," you counter. "You bought it, you store it."

"Fine, but you have to remind me to burn it. And not burn the apartment down."

You watch him return the cart, the easy grace in his movements, the way he nods politely to an older couple walking past. When he returns, he slides into the driver's seat beside you, immediately reaching for your hand across the console.

"So," he says as he starts the engine, "should I be concerned about any other professional athletes you might have rookie cards of? Am I competing with, like, the entire NHL draft class of 2019?"

You squeeze his hand, letting out an exaggerated sigh. "And here I thought you'd dropped it."

"I'm just saying, I should know if I'm in an open relationship with you and a wallet full of hockey cards."

"Just drive, Hughes."

My Patreon, where you can find exclusive fics not posted anywhere else: HERE

[violetscanfly]

long post alert

Marleyan Hange au

I've wanted to try my hand at a Marley au for ages and well I have been doing it for ages too because this got way out of hand lmao, like this is part one out of at least three (that's how far I've drawn), probably more if I follow my plan to go over the whole canon in little vignettes like these.

| next part | animatic

There's a bit (a lot) of yapping about the au itself under the cut if you want some context:

First of all disclaimer this isn't like super thought out in the logic sense and when you spot plot holes just uh ignore them ig xD this whole thing started from me just wanting to draw a few specific scenes

So basically Hange is born and raised in Marley, trained into a warrior and sent to scout out Paradis a few years before the Marley kids in canon do. In the pic there's a little bit of their childhood, they and Zeke are friends and I gave them a little sister for reasons:)

Hange's parents are fanatically loyal to Marley and so were they before they actually were sent out to war as a warrior candidate and saw how Marley uses eldians as disposable weapons, which caused them to question how things were and become kind of disillusioned. They kept their true feelings to themself and continued going along with it, feeling that gaining honorary status for their family is the best thing they could do for them and it would give their sister Essie a peaceful life.

After they come back from the war they and Zeke are promoted to warriors, Zeke gets the beast titan and Hanged gets... Also the beast titan?? Or maybe jaw I really don't know XD (here's kinda the biggest plothole so if you're super attached to the canon lore and rules I'm sorry idgaf I'm just here to draw freaky titan and put blorbo in situations so there's an extra titan now) anyway it's based on a hyena, I also thought about a kangaroo but that felt too powerful, imagine that thing jumping super high and slamming down to cause an earthquake or something.

Anyway Hange is sent to Paradis to look for the coordinate. They immediately fall in love with odm-gear the minute they see it since they're still their ever curious scientist self. This leads them to join the military, though they justify it to themself by researching what the enemy can do. They find that they actually really like life on Paradis, not the least because they can be their true self and most people accept them as they are, whereas in Marley they had to assimilate to stricter gender roles.

Eventually a certain Levi is scouted into joining the survey corps and Hange's immediately interested in him (totally for research purposes, yeah) and it takes a while but suddenly they realise Levi is their closest friend and maybe not just a friend anymore, which seems mutual but they dance around the subject until Levi's had enough and just straight up kisses them. They get together and on the other hand Hange is the happiest they've ever been but on the other they're panicking inside cause they know this can't last and the guilt is eating them up

Canon happens pretty much as it does, Reiner & co are sent to Paradis cause Hange has taken too long without presenting results. Once the kids are in the military Hange makes sure they don't blow Hange's cover even when the kids are revealed to be titans. The Marley kids are shocked when they realise Hange is in a relationship with Levi and have differing opinions on it, but Hange can be scary when they want to to shut their questions down

Shit has been going down, it's the night before they'll leave for Shiganshina and Hange knows this is the last peaceful time they're going to spend with Levi, because tomorrow they're going to have to go back to their old life and fulfill their mission.

[vettelsvee]

GOODBYES ARE BITTERSWEET | Sebastian Vettel ✩₊˚.⋆PART 6: LITTLE WHITE LIES [PREVIOUS PART] [NEXT PART]

goodbyes are bittersweet masterlist | a not so secret santa project ‼️ f1 masterlist | ao3 | ask anything or let's talk!

ferrari sebastian vettel x ex gf!female reader (smau)

summary: seb just wants y/n to accept that contract, and he's going to do everything he can to make it happen. also... the sebastian vettel fandom goes wild when her ex girlfriend does her comeback

warnings: curse words, bad language. mentions of cheating. faceclaim: emma stone, hanna prater

taglist: [ @saltycomicsanimalssalad @hc-dutch @mycenterfold @simplyamberj @spitesfvl-blog @jaydaaasworld @lottalove4evelyn @zoeyjadetice2010 @jehun @ferralari @cosmoscoffeee @mcmuppet @myescapefromthislife @sleutherclaw @youre-on-your-ownkid ]

a/n: surprise, i posted again! and first smau! I've been wanting to do one of this for a long time, so i hope you like it (please tell me)! feedback (please let me now what you thought of this!) and reposts are truly appreciated. and also comment me your thoughts and theories on the story pls!

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

MAY 25TH 2018

JUNE 1ST 2018

ynyln just posted

ynyln moving on from him is impossible when i still see it all in my head in burning red... see you on june 15th x (more news coming soon... in july <3)

user1 omg are we having red mv? this is ALL red coded

user 2 THERE'S NO WAY SHE DID THIS ↳ user3 wait what is this about? ↳ user 2 user3 take a closer look to the pictures 😁 ↳ user4 i'm not getting it... someone explain it?

lewishamilton it's good to see you finally achieving your dreams! ❤️🙏🏿 ↳ ynyln can't wait to see you soon lew! missed you lots x

user6 she's absolutely insane for posting this pictures... i gotta love her ↳ user7 why is it with the pictures she chose to post? aren't they related to what her song says? ↳ user6 take a look at the twitter thread sebsrrari just posted!

user8 EXCUSE ME MISS YLN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH THAT "SEE YOU SOON"? ↳ ynyln maybe redbullracing can give you a hint... ☺️ ↳ redbullracing ynyln, do you really want us to post certain something we have already saved? ↳ ynyln redbullracing you know i do! i don't know what are you waiting for?

user9 wait wasn't she dating sebastian vettel back in the day? it seems like she's recalling her years with him ↳ user10 i'm 110% sure that the quote goes to seb ↳ user11 and the fact that lewis has left a comment... they know i'm sure

user12 if this post has anything to do with seb... the og wag fandom is going to rise from the ashes and go WILD.

redbullracing just posted

redbullracing We are so delighted to announce that from now on we will officially become the main sponsor of our former golden girl, ynyln, who just started her career as a singer. Also... she will be joining us for the 2018 German Grand Prix next July! More details coming soon.

user1 THEY POSTED SEB AND Y/N OH MY GOD ↳ user2 is this some kind of throwback? weren't they dating a while back? 😯

user3 ok but the fact that they posted that picture makes me think maybe seb and y/n never really lost touch... could this be the start of something more than just sponsorship? ↳ user4 exactly thought this! there's definitely something more going on

user5 seb and y/n together again in 2018 does this mean they're dating again or is it just for promo? ↳ user6 probably promo... ↳ user7 or maybe they know something we don't... ↳ user8 really why posting a picture of them together when they broke up a while ago? ↳ user9 user8 WAIT THEY WERE DATING? ↳ user8 user9 yes! twitter is now full of their story, it's quite a romantic one but also bittersweet... it didn't end well according to most of people

user10 of course seb's the reason y/n's getting back in the spotlight ↳ user11 seb and y/n have way too much chemistry for you to say that ↳ user12 exactly! seeing her again after going viral without us knowing, and her being with seb again, is making me think there’s more to this story!

[jp---v]

I don't need to, but I'll explain my Bakugou hate because I want to.

Long post. Beware

When I started reading the series I was the same age as the characters. Looking at my interests you can probably guess that I was bullied, but instead of getting all sad, I got angry at the people treating me poorly.

So as soon as Bakugou was introduced, I didn't like him. Seeing someone my age verbally threaten and physically attacking people without being punished just really put me in a bad mood whenever he showed up.

Then certain parts of the fandom got incredibly toxic, and suddenly the author is pandering to the worst of them

But the problem keeps getting worse. The entire world warps to kiss his ass. He got everything he wanted at every turn. He deserved nothing and got everything.

Immediately established as a long-term bully. His bullying is then retroactively justified by the world itself saying that Midoriya is worth less than Bakugou as a person.

Why did Aizawa, who was famous for expelling students, not so much as give Bakugou detention for trying to attack Midoriya on the first day of school?

Why didn't All Might punish him for using that gauntlet in the Battle Trials?

Despite all of his actions so far, just since being accepted into UA, the other students still want to be friends with him. They actively choose to spend time near him.

Why is it never mentioned how him(and Kirishima) attacking Kurogiri and getting in Thirteen's way is a large part of why the USJ played out how it did?

His speech at the Sports Festival

Everyone wanting to be on his team, but he doesn't know any of their names or quirks.

Trying to make an unconscious Todoroki fight back in the finals

Aizawa constantly excusing all of his behavior, circling back to my point about the world itself justifying Bakugou's shitty behavior

Attacking Midoriya in the Final Exam.

How did Sero fail his exam by being carried out but Bakugou passed?

At the Training Camp, he actively tried to go fight the villains that have openly stated were trying to capture him. Making himself an easy target and hindering the people trying to protect him

During the Rescue Operation he somehow managed to hold his own against the majority of the League of Villains on his own? Really?

He forced Midoriya to break curfew and just starts attacking him until Midoriya fights back. It's caught on camera and Midoriya somehow gets in the same amount of trouble?

And for some reason he gets let in on the secret of One for All after being such a monumental asshole since forever, despite the fact that even Inko doesn't know? Or literally anyone who would be, like, supportive of Midoriya?

He failed the Provisional License Exam, but don't worry there's a special make-up class just for the people that made it into the second half. Everyone who failed in the first half will have to wait for the next exam.

Oh wow, flawless victory in the Joint Training Arc by displaying teamwork out of thin fucking air that was really just him barking orders at the others.

For a while we just get his usual brand of egotistical asshole-ery and now being needlessly shoved into places where Midoriya's actual friends should be. Or even any of the other side characters. Horikoshi, give them some screen time

But then the war arc and the vigilante Deku arc all just get down on their knees to suck his dick so hard that his quirk evolves and his heart explodes. And I finally get a glimmer of hope for the series to finally stop shoving him down our throats, but no.

Edgeshot decides that this one kid is so important that he will sacrifice his own life to save Bakugou specifically and no one else is on his level of importance.

Going back a step; That apology was pure fucking lip service. Not a single goddamn thing changed in the way he acted afterward. He had a couple of "soft" moments when he wasn't actively screaming and cursing, but that's it.

And Horikoshi keeps fucking doing it.

Somehow each and every thing has to include Bakugou or be about how it's effecting Bakugou or has to mention Bakugou.

The majority of the (much more interesting) cast has been completely forgotten, and Midoriya's characterization got taken out back, given three rounds to the head, skinned, washed in bleach, and hung out to dry, but Oh Wow! BAKUGOU'S HERE!

I said it before and I'll say it again, I'd throw a brick at him.

These are only the broadest strokes of what happened too. If I reread the entire series I could write a massive in-depth character analysis, but that's too much even for me.

[thechy-fychannel]

do you think Wilson cries after his first time having sex with House because:

a) it all catches up to him at once that he's spent his entire life not feeling right but now he's finally figured it out, and imagine how his life would've gone if he knew about this part earlier, or

b) big gay freakout and shame and guilt at feeling good through gay sex and catastrophising so hard, freaking out about how he's meant to exist in the world as a boy-kisser now etc etc etc

(somehow I don't see him not crying after fucking House for the first time. or at least in the morning or in his car to work the next day where House can't see/make fun of him for it)

Ooooohhhhh WHAT a beautiful question!!!! And such a hard one to answer because I can see all possibilities equally!

In a canon compliant-ish universe, I'm going to go with B bc both of those guys are unable to keep themselves from self destructing. Wilson tries very hard to keep it together and is all like "yeah. yeah that was great. totally. yeah." and then sneaks off to the bathroom while house is still enjoying his post-orgasmic bliss so he can pace and cry and mutter to himself about how fucked this all is. He feels deeply ashamed that he enjoyed it so much, ashamed that it felt so right after so many years of sex feeling wrong. Ashamed about what this means for him as a man, as a person, as a role model.

He's not homophobic per say, he has no problem with other people being gay, but he's still a "straight" man who grew up surrounded by certain predispositions that are hard to let go of. He's never viewed himself as queer and now he's been given explicit, unadulterated, undeniable proof that he is in fact very queer and it feels like he knows even less about who he is when he already had no fucking clue who he is.

And then he has to grapple with what this means for them, for their relationship. And that's a whole other bull for him to wrestle. Even if it felt right to him, who knows how house actually feels? What if this fucked everything up? What if House doesn't feel the way he feels? What if he does??? He's definitely in the middle of this freak out, tears streaming down his face, rocking himself back and forth on the toilet, when there's a knock on the door and House telling him that he needs to piss. Wilson tells him to use the kitchen sink, he's busy, but house immediately can tell that he's been crying and now he feels like he's fucked it all. Cue house having his own meltdown about the whole situation and neither of them having a healthy conversation about it.

I feel like option A comes later, after he's grappled with the facts of himself, that he's queer and in love with House and there's nothing he can do about it except accept it and either take a chance at being happy or attempt to return to the status quo. Maybe it's after they have sex a second time, after they've spent a couple of weeks being stupid and evasive and awkward around each other, ultimately leading to house picking until wilson explodes and they finally have a conversation about it all. Only then, after all of that and after they've spent a long time in bed about it, do the tears return and house thinks they're taking four steps backwards, until wilson tells him that it just hit him all at once, how he spent his entire life feeling wrong and now he feels right and he wishes they could've had this all along. It's not fair and it's stupid and even if he's happy, he's so mad that he's been missing out on something so wonderful. There's shame there too about the fact that he's allowed himself to be so repressed for so long that he feels like he's missed out on the best years of his life that he could've spent loving house. I think no matter the outcome, there's going to be a certain level of shame and resentment towards himself that will take a long time to let go of, if he ever does.

But in Wilson's defense, house can only make fun of him so much when he canonically cries during sex!! Which he totally did when he had sex with Wilson!!

[crownpastelyellow]

Hi I wrote something based on @chlmngo art from the most recent magma (go post it buddy 👀👀) EVERYONE GO LOOK AT IT

Skizz's Poker vod really did it to us

Pairing: Tango/Skizz

Cw: handjob, voyeurism, probable poker inaccuracies

NSFW under the cut

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63236437

A losing hand

Tango got invited to Doc's poker tournament a few weeks ago and how could he say no? His love for the game and interest in actually seeing how this place works have built up a certain excitement in him. 

He's only seen the place once, briefly and he doesn't even quite remember what it was but something peeved him. Maybe he just had a bad day. So with a shrug and plenty of anticipation, Tango accepts the invitation. 

Over the next weeks he makes sure his suit is all ready and freshly cleaned from the last time he wore it on a little vacation. 

When the day finally arrives, Tango gets himself ready, shaving off some unruly bits of his scruffy beard, making sure he feels nice and comfortable in his suit. He normally isn't one for fancy clothing but there's always an occasion where one might need one. And he can't deny that the burgundy suits him surprisingly well. 

Most days Tango doesn't care much about what he wears, it's more about the practicality, but for tonight, confidence is key. How else would a good poker face work, if he wasn't comfortable and confident? 

So he arrives at the scene and chats a bit to his friends, or for tonight, his opponents. Of course it is all lighthearted fun but beneath all that, it's still a tournament and each and every one of them is just a little competitive at the least. Some more so than others. 

After a few minutes they head inside and Tango can't help but be impressed by the place Doc created beneath the shopping district. Part gentlemen's club, part speakeasy, with a fancy poker table in the middle. 

As they talk about the rules, Ren sits down at the head of the table, taking a new deck fresh out of the packaging, shuffling it back and forth as Doc goes over the rules, suggesting they do a trial run so everyone can understand how the redstone mechanics influence the game. 

Everyone takes a seat, Tango sitting at a smaller end of the table, both diagonally from Beef and Skizz. 

The chair is comfortable and Tango feels ready and excited. 

So when Ren presses the button to start their test round, everyone gets their cards. Everyone, besides Tango of course. The universe just favors him like that. 

He grumbles something about "faulty redstone, huh?", giving Doc a look of understanding and mischief, when Skizz interrupts. "Come here, Top, got a seat free right here!" Skizz waves him over. 

Internally Tango groans and his expression must have matched that because Skizz immediately keeps going "Don't you dare make that face at me. Come on, you love sitting next to me" with the brightest grin on his face.

So Tango pushes his chair back, leaving the faulty seat behind and walking around the table to sit down right between Skizz and Wels, who joined them just a minute ago. Before he even gets there, Skizz already pulled out the free chair for him, patting the seat patiently. Tango can only shake his head, what is he, a dog? Still he can't help the smile as he sits down. "Here, happy now?" he looks up at Skizz with a smirk on his face that gets replaced by a small gasp as Skizz pushes the chair, now with Tango on it, forwards, towards the table. 

He's definitely sitting quite a bit closer to Skizz than to Wels but no one is saying anything and at this point it would feel rude to just scoot away from his friend so Tango decides to do what he often does - and just lives with it. 

Before the first round starts, Skizz laughs and puts an arm on the back of Tango's chair, brushing slightly against his tail that immediately gives way, curling around Tango's own ankle, a reflex to make sure no one ever steps on it. Skizz leans over and tauntingly offer his own seat and when Tango declines he can see a triumphant smirk spread on Skizz's face "No I got position on you", causing Tango to only shake his head. 

The first rounds go by ever so uneventfully. Tango tries to push his luck but, most of the time, it just isn't on his side, his cards varying from trash to moderately decent as he slowly goes through his diamonds. Folding round after round, while Skizz next to him keeps mumbling about his strategy, trying to analyze what cards everyone has. It's quiet enough that no one else can hear, except for Tango, who at this point is only a few inches off from already sitting on Skizz's lap. 

"You wanna share that with the rest of the class, or...?" Tango tries to tease him but before he even gets any response, Skizz starts cheering. He won the pot, and it was a good one. 

"What was that, Top?" Skizz asks so self assured, pulling Tango's chair just a little bit closer. The soft carpet of the floor muffles the sound and Ren dealing out the next round has everyone's focus drawn away from them so nobody notices. 

Nobody notices either, how Tango tenses up, when Skizz's broad hand suddenly rests on his left thigh. 

For a moment Tango thinks it's just an accidental touch but it lingers. How does Skizz always manage to feel so warm against his skin, he's supposed to be the warm one... 

Tango gives Skizz a glance, still fumbling for anything to say when Skizz leans forward and pushes his own bet towards the middle, playing like nothing is happening, while Tango is slowly suffering. 

But this is fine. Skizz is just being Skizz, trying to distract him, to make him lose focus. 

So Tango tries his best to stay focused on the game, paying attention to the other players and the cards Ren deals and uncovers. 

In any other circumstances Tango prides himself in being good at this, he's good at math, the probabilities behind it all and his own poker face comes from years of practice, no matter what Skizz says. 

But of course Skizz has a way of turning this around for himself. 

It's Tango's turn, he looks at the three cards that are already in the middle, red eyes scanning the bet Joe placed, the cards Wels put in the middle, that Ren just picked up. Another glance at the two cards face down in front of him and Tango only notices it a few moments after Skizz's hand starts moving, but his hand is clearly on his crotch now. 

Very much distracted, unable to even process what his own cards are, Tango quickly says "Check" before the attention lingers on him for too long, not wanting anyone to see the way he flushes. 

Skizz checks too, as if his hand, broad and warm, wasn't just groping Tango under the table, so close to their friends. During a tournament. 

During Beef's turn, Tango looks up at Skizz. "What are you doing?" he whispers, trying to stay quiet, trying to keep his voice even but it wavers. 

Across the table Joe says "Look, they're conspiring" much to the amusement of everyone else. They don't know, do they? 

"It's all good, just giving Tango here some tips since he clearly needs them right now" Skizz laughs it off and now Tango is glaring at him. 

Fine, two can play at this game. 

Tango plants his, notably smaller, hand on Skizz's thigh, and one glance beneath the table shows Tango the difference of the hand that's slowly undoing his fly, as if it were the most normal thing to do right now. 

One sharp inhale, then another, Skizz shouldn't be this good at unbuttoning the pants of his suit while still applying just the right amount of pressure, causing Tango to forget all parts of his plan, till Skizz nudges him with his elbow. "Your turn, Top." 

Already? Tango hasn't even paid attention to the cards in the middle, to who folded and who raised. He'll just check, not having the spare thoughts right now to figure out what his best move would be. "Bold move" comments Skizz, who folds, sliding the cards towards Ren. 

Tango's grip tightens on Skizz, by now only trying to hold on, to steady himself. He doesn't even care that he just lost another round, more diamonds than necessary going to Beef. 

But how is he supposed to focus on that when Skizz fumbles with his shorts, exposing his already painfully hard member. His heart is pounding in his chest, what is Skizz doing? A bit of panic rises up inside him.

This has gone past just a bit, a way for Skizz to distract Tango, something that could be easily brushed off should any of their friends notice. 

And yet, the panic makes Tango twitch as he tries to calm his breathing.

Trying to gain some distance and hopefully some sense alongside it, he tries to angle his legs away from Skizz, but he's sitting too close to actually make much of a difference. 

But the worst part of it all? Right now, Skizz just has his hand resting on the inside of Tango's thigh and it feels like it's burning a handprint into his skin. Why is he playing games and not just touching him?

Tango closes his eyes, just for a moment when he hears Wels beside him clear his throat. "Uhm, I can see Tango's... Cards like this" he admits. 

The table is a bit crowded and of course immediately an accusation of cheating is thrown into the round but with the look Wels gives Tango, it's clear that he's not just talking about the game. 

Skizz's hand finally moves up, brushing over Tango's member for a moment as he takes "Well, just don't look, how about that? Gentlemen's rules, right?" Tango can hear Skizz's grin, doesn't even need to see his handsome face for it. 

"He can just scoot up a bit more," Skizz pulls Tango's chair another bit closer with his free hand, the other wrapping around his hard shaft, "and I, for one can keep my eyes up here"

Everyone reacts with amusement, and Tango chuckles along, the sound airy as he tries to send Wels an apologetic glance, but the blonde isn't looking towards him anymore. 

But Tango doesn't get to think about the consequences of that interaction for long because Skizz's hand starts moving. Slowly, nearly painfully so, but by this point Tango has been craving anything, his tail rising up slightly, involuntarily, in response.

It somehow ends up being Tango's turn again and it this point, Skizz’s hand is wrapped in a loose fist around Tango, pumping up and down, and he can't focus anymore. On the game or on the people around him. He lets a gasp slip and immediately several eyes are on him but it doesn't interrupt whoevers turn it was so he just clears just throat "sorry... The cough" and it's technically not even a lie. 

"You're up" someone - Tango can't pay attention to who - says and Tango hasn't even looked at his cards, he just folds. Next to him, he hears Skizz giggle. 

Of course Tango is still trying to hide what's happening but he's quite sure he's not doing a very good job. He feels himself pant, his breaths heavy, lips slightly parted. In an attempt to shut his mouth, to stop any more needy noises from coming out, he bites down onto his lips with his sharp teeth. 

They might notice but at this point Tango is past caring, his hip bucking up to meet Skizz's movements halfway. 

Unable to even pay a bit of attention, Tango keeps losing round after round after round. Skizz picks up the pace after every loss, occasionally squeezing Tango every few seconds for a whole round.

Tango doesn't even need to look down to know that he's spilling precum over Skizz's hand, over himself and some probably also on the pants of his suit. But those are all problems for later. 

Again it is his turn and Tango notices that he's down to his last few diamonds. He at least has half a mind to check his cards even if it takes him a little bit too long to truly register what it says. Not that it matters if he keeps trying not to tremble, not to buck into the hand wrapped around him. 

Skizz must have realized Tango's situation because the pace of his arm crawls to a halt, just a gentle squeeze that nearly makes Tango cum on the spot. Skizz is encouraging him, encouraging the risk. At this point, Tango might do anything just so he moves his fist again. 

"All in." Tango's trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. This definitely raised some eyebrows but Tango accepted that at this point he's lost. 

But at least Skizz's warm hand rewards him for it. He doesn't even hear what Skizz does next, as he feels his orgasm crash over him. 

It takes all of Tango to not groan or, even worse, whimper, at the table as he feels hot, sticky release dribble all over Skizz's hand and down his shaft. Some definitely also landed on his clothes.

While Tango is still catching his breath he can hear Skizz chuckle beside him, pulling the whole pot close to himself. 

And seemingly just to rub it in, his other hand smears Tango's cum off on his pants. He sends Skizz a glare that doesn't quite carry the bite it's supposed to, but enough to get the message across because he hears Skizz laugh, finally having both hands on the table again. 

Tango uses the rest of that round to catch his breath and to discreetly pack himself up again. Once that's over he gets up with a shake of his head. 

"Well that's me then. Thanks for having me, Doc" he gives a small wave as he picks his suit jacket up, debating putting it on but instead opting to hold it in his hands, right over the spot where Skizz wipes his hand off. He'll need to find a way to get back at Skizz for this. 

As he turns to leave, still winded and just wanting to get out and get some fresh air he calls "Good luck everyone" before promptly taking an unfamiliar turn, clearly not the way he came in from. 

Maybe it's the hormones or his blood still pumping but he can help the too high pitched groan of "Can't find the exit" while letting out a nervous chuckle. 

In an instant, Ren is there, a hand around Tango's shoulder and a smile on his face as he leans down a slight bit while turning Tango towards a different door. "Exit is this way" and there's very clear amusement in his voice. 

Tango only manages to mutter a quiet thanks before he finally stumbles out into the shopping district again. 

[williceunleashed]

The Fruitsaladshipping Kids !

It was time for a post about them 😭 They are born a few years after the end of BW2 ! They all have a first name and a middle name so that both N and Dardanne could pick a name for each. Dardanne cursed his kids with the Kalossian names, and N cursed them with special interests related names.

Also both N and Dardanne are AuDHD. Which means the kids are AuDHD SQUARED

Supplementary infos under the cut !

-> The three of them are fully bilingual and are fluent in both Unovan (from N) and Kalossian (from Dardanne). Funnily enough, N isn't fully fluent in Kalossian yet, so while his children will talk to him in almost perfect Kalossian, he will respond in messy Kalossian with a strong Unovan accent.

-> Right now, Appoline is the only one with the ability to talk to pokémons. It is likely that Calixte can do it too, but he is too young to be certain yet.

-> The children evolve in N and Dardanne's house, alongside their parents' pokémons. This means that they basically grew up in-between humans and pokémons for their whole childhood, making them very good at understanding pokémon body language and cries, even if they didn't all inherit N's ability to communicate with them.

-> N keeps Zekrom in this version of the story, and reunites with Zoroark and Klinklang, so these three are also part of the family. These kids were born with a dragon god in their household

-> Family-wise, Anthea and Concordia are very present. They happily babysit the kids and have galarian tea parties with them. The children are very close to their aunts and gladly spend time with them. Anthea and Concordia need more love and they would 100% be there for their brother's kids. They most likely have a specific day in the week for family time where Anthea and Concordia come around to spend time with the children.

-> Alder (N's father figure) and Rood (Dardanne's father figure) take the roles of grandpas/great-grandpas for the children. Despite their age, they act playful with the kids and play along with them. While Rood is sweeter and gentler, Alder nurtures their natural abilities for battle (It makes N grumpy, but whatever). Alder and Appoline tend to be very close, because Appoline keeps trying to beat the crap out of his team with her tynamo. Alder sees Appoline has massive potential as a trainer, and gladly takes her under his wing to mentor her. Rood, on the other hand, tries to be the best version of himself around the children, trying to right his wrongs on N's education by taking great care of the kids.

-> While Appoline is more of a classic trainer type and will most likely capture different pokémons later in life, Scoot seems to only be interested in psychic types. Calixte seems to favor steel types.

-> N and Dardanne still don't approve of the Pokédex and the use of Pokéballs, but they don't impose their belief on their kids, letting them choose their own path in life. Appoline wanting to be the next Unovan Champion does make them anxious, but they understand that Appoline's tynamo is just as competitive as she is and that Pokémons can genuinely enjoy battling. And so they still nurture her dreams. They are trying to unlearn the idea that "battling is inherently bad", and Appoline's determination to become the next Unovan Champion is a pretty good exercise fo that.

-> Dardanne's family has no tie with the kids, and for all they know, Dardanne has been missing for years with no sign of life.

-> It is very likely that N tried to reconnect with Ghetsis out of guilt and genuine compassion, despite Dardanne desperately trying to stop him. (I mean N accepts his parallel-universe father back with little to no questions in Pokemasters, knowing that this Ghetsis isn't the broken inoffensive one, but the unstable BW2 one. N is way too good and caring and wouldn't want even his father to suffer). Ghetsis didn't care much about reconnecting with N, seeing how psychologically damaged he is post BW2. Trying to get his father out of his lethargic state, N tried introducing him to his children once they were old enough. At first Ghetsis didn't care much either, but slowly came a bit back to life when he had to interact with them because the three of them kept causing chaos and mischief in his house. Genuinely, Appoline, Scoot and Calixte are revenge for his abuse of N. They drive Ghetsis insane and they destroy his furniture. Appoline must have instructed her tynamo to thunderbolt Ghetsis at least once. Usually Melony is 100% on the kids side and gladly helps them to drive Ghetsis nuts (Melony will never stop bullying Ghetsis)

-> N and Dardanne don't really let the kids near the Driftveil Safe House, because they fear the grunts would start worshipping them the same way they worship N because of the brainwashing they went through in Plasma.

-> Bianca, Cheren and Gray (BW1 protagonist in that story) hang around a lot. Cheren is the most "adult" in the group and struggles a bit with children, but Bianca and Gray will happily spend time with the kids.

-> In general, the kids have no knowledge of Plasma and N and Dardanne's backstories. For all they know, Dardanne rescues Pokémons and has a part-time job at a Pokémon Daycare, while N works in engineering (Becoming the ferris wheel man he always wanted to be). Later in life, when the children are old enough, Anthea and Concordia babysit the children for N and Dardanne to travel and explore the world outside of Unova.

-> As for nicknames, they call N "dad" and Dardanne "papa". I know some English-speaking folk sometimes use papa as a name for their father, but "papa" is the universal name for fathers in French so here it is 😭

[bambi-kinos]

Dakota Days Review

I got an ask requesting I post the Dakota Days review. The rest of the ask will be mega long so I don't want to just add on the review to the end and make it an even bigger read. So I'm posting this as its own free-floating thing.

So my deal is that in 2023 and 2024 I had enough time on my hands that I read a shitton of Beatle books (including most of the books in my big recommendation post, which I am still thinking about updating so keep in mind it hasn't achieved its final form.) I regularly talk these over with a friend and this review is mostly what I told her when she asked if she should read it or not. Either this will sell you on the book or it will not lol. I did some light editing for readability but otherwise it is mostly intact from the original post date February 13, 2023....good God, 2 fucking years ago!

Okay so Dakota Days. It's an account of John Green, also known as Charlie Swan who was a tarot reader that was close to the Lennons following John's return from his Lost Weekend.

Charlie states from the start that he is only trying to impart a snapshot of what it was like to live with John and Yoko during this time. He straight up admits that he has edited out certain parts of it to respect their privacy (and to cover his own ass as he did his fair share of scamming Yoko during this period.) He also straight up admits that he smushed together many years, events, and conversations in the book. He explains this very sensibly: while he claims a prodigious memory (which will prove not to be the case) he also says that he just spent too many years in John and Yoko's employment to recount all of them without boring the reader.

This is a very effective tactic. Charlie is deliberately telling us something that he is doing (editing the accounts of what happened) because it will make us trust him more. Being honest about misdoings you've done or will do tends to get people to like you more. This is what con artists do when they are trying to get people to fall for their schemes: they will tell you what they are doing and then they will do it. It is effective because it works. Charlie tells us that he is either misremembering or covering his own ass and because he does this we like him, which primes us to accept everything he says.

Charlie gets called up by Yoko only a few hours after John drags home. She renames him Charlie Swan because she knows John will be jealous of him having the same name. Charlie goes along with it because he knows Yoko is an easy mark; he claims in the text that he found John at Disney World of all places and that this is how Yoko ended the long weekend. Considering this is not how it happened we can guess that what Charlie actually did was pull the wool over Yoko's eyes and then claim credit for it. Again, a very effective tactic.

What happens next is really interesting: John feigns being poisoned. He's told Yoko that May poisoned him in his tea. Charlie reads the cards and they tell him "no way was John poisoned" and John leverages this to get Yoko out of the room. John picks Charlie's brain about the occult for a while and then lets him go home after a few hours.

Won't recount everything that happens next but I will say this: Dakota Days is the second half of the story about John's Dakota years and it compliments Fred's book perfectly. Fred depicted a manic John and a cold, distant Yoko. Charlie depicts a depressive John and an anxious Yoko in desperate need of hand holding at every single stage in her life. The amount of time and money that John and Yoko spend on con artists like Charlie as well as their other astrologers, mystics, and Korean herb healers is astounding. They were completely and utterly paralyzed with terror if they had to make decisions on their own. Indecisive, fretful, worried, anxious, Yoko straight up has a panic attack at one point because Charlie orders her to make a decision on her own and she almost dissolves into tears because she can't do it.

The funny part is I find none of these depictions at odd with one another. Yoko's imperious mask always hid the frightened baby underneath and John's aggressive ego always hid the broken hearted lover who wanted to be anywhere but where he was. Yoko didn't give Fred an "in" because he was a servant but she feared and respected Charlie so she could afford to be a broken little girl in front of him. John respected Charlie as a magician and hung on his every word. He didn't see a point in pretending to be something he wasn't like he did with Fred.

Charlie's big thing in the book is that he depicts himself as Spitting Straight Facts at John and Yoko. He condenses these into different conversations. For example, at one point Yoko takes John to Japan for a few months because she wants to convince him to live there full time. All of their clothes are packed according to what Charlie's tarot cards tell them are lucky to take. Yoko asks him to cast spells to keep John in a good mood. They plan out their journey to follow certain directions based on Japanese numerology that calculates the luck of cardinal directions. (Charlie cheerfully admits that this is outside of his education so he can't give an opinion on it. This is part of his set up, he doesn't have a problem admitting his weaknesses which makes him come off as more honest than he really is.)

It all goes wrong within two weeks: John hates Japan. Absolutely hates it. He hates having to entertain Yoko's family. He hates the hotels they are in. Yoko calls Charlie on the verge of tears and tells him that John is humiliating her in front of her family -- apparently Yoko's mother and sister called Yoko out on her bullshit and they accused her of accomplishing nothing with her art. (Holy shit, based?!) Yoko is desperate for John's wealth and status to impress her mother and tells Charlie, "I know what they say about me, they say that all I did was marry John and spend his money!" Which is of course absolutely true.

Yoko is desperate to win her mother's favor because she wants Sean to get a sizable piece of the inheritance but she was so disgusted with Yoko that she wouldn't even acknowledge Sean. (Brutal.) Yoko takes this personally because her sister Setsuko married a Westerner, a diplomat, and Yoko dissolves into hysterics over the phone demanding that Charlie tarot read for new, luckier clothes and have them air mailed to them. As far as I know, Charlie did it because it was an order and Yoko was paying his bills.

It gets worse though because John starts shuffling around like a zombie, moaning, whacking his head against the walls, etc. He tells Charlie that he's pretending to be dead. (I actually think I know what John was doing -- he probably absorbed some of Japan's pop culture about ghosts and he started imitating it.) This freaks out Yoko's family and her mother asked what the hell she was doing bringing this fucked up white guy to Japan. Charlie depicts himself as being the only person John can vent to which is something that I actually believe even though it probably didn't go down in precisely this way.

When Yoko tells John that they're going home soon, John perks up. He starts wooing Yoko's mother and makes nice with her. The funny part is that after all that, John actually succeeded in making Yoko's mother like him! Of course Yoko calls Charlie, again almost in tears, and tells him "John is doing it all wrong, he's being friendly with her, he's not holding her at a distance, he's buying her things and taking her out to fancy eateries!" Yoko is depicted as flat out hysterical in this conversation, enraged and upset that John charmed his way into her mother's good graces instead of making her submit by being ice cold and imperious (aka acting like Mimi) which dissolves her into anguish. And then, at the end of it all, Charlie says that Yoko is being ridiculous and it's a good thing that John is finally getting along with her mother. (Hittin' hard with that street wisdom!) Yoko is very bitter in response. After that chapter I thought, "man Charlie is putting up with a lot huh."

The entire book goes this way. It depicts a John that will make grand gestures towards Yoko (he has Charlie perform a "druidic" marriage ceremony to reaffirm his marriage to Yoko and Charlie has a GREAT time making shit up and forcing John to gather all this bullshit stuff that has nothing to do with Celtic traditions, Charlie's account is so so gleeful about making John dance like a monkey) but actively loathes her the rest of the time. Charlie outright states that their relationship is unhappy.

For example, when Sean was born, John was crazy with worry and made up the Dakota to be more comfortable for Yoko and the baby. But when Yoko finally came home she immediately handed Sean to the nanny (which John HATED, he tried to make her pick Sean back up because he was so upset) and went to her room after a huge fight with John. John then sat down with Charlie and bitterly vented about the fact that he knew Yoko didn't appreciate him and that he was furious that she smoked through her pregnancy and that she wasn't interested in Sean. He accuses her of making Sean sick which is probably true considering Yoko was probably on heroin through out the pregnancy! John is actually kind of stunning here because he is utterly pissed off at Yoko for putting Sean's health at risk and then snubbing John when she finally gets home. His breakdown when Yoko comes home is incredible. They have a baby that she hyped up to Charlie as a Messiah and then she didn't want him. And it still didn't make her love John. The despair in his words.

A lot of the conversations that Charlie depicts follows this pattern. At one point John gets so angry about Yoko's coldness that he picks a fight with her, gets in her face, and just starts screaming at her. She runs out of the room crying because she's frightened of him and then calls Charlie to do a tarot card reading on why John was so mad at her. Charlie speculates it's because she doesn't communicate well with John and he was trying to shake something loose. She goes on a long rant about why this can't possibly be the case because she's only doing what's best for him so please Charlie read the cards…. of course when Charlie spoke to John, John replied that he was angry that Yoko speaks Japanese because he doesn't understand what she's saying to the servants and he thinks that they're talking about him. He's paranoid and angry that she's doing something that he can't get involved with. So he started screaming at her and throwing cigarette packets at her.

At times like this, when Yoko and John are fighting, Charlie takes on an interesting role. He will tell them hard truths about their relationship that they don't like. When Yoko whines that John is being too independent in 1979, Charlie tells her that this is a good thing and that she should be happy that John doesn't need to be managed. He also tells her that she and John will be happier if they are independent of each other. This bounces off Yoko completely and she whines (Yoko is VERY childish in this book) that this isn't possible or safe because John is too stupid (!!) and naive (!!) to make decisions on his own.

Charlie very deliberately depicts himself almost as a marriage counselor to them. You can see his prodigious perfect memory fails him at these junctures because when he relays conversations, John and Yoko don't sound like themselves most of the time. But the funny part is, I totally believe it. I actually do think that Charlie Swan had moments where he gave his unvarnished opinion about JohnandYoko to John and Yoko. He could do this safely for a few reasons:

1) He knew they considered him superior to them. He successfully dug a foothold in their minds and had them both totally convinced that he was legit. They couldn't throw him out because he was their closest tarot reader and it looks like he also had a legitimate head for business because he was able to give them some good financial advice. All of this meant that they were in awe of him and neither of them wanted to go against what he said. They were completely at his mercy. In a way I think it's lucky that Charlie wasn't more malicious because he could have manipulated John and Yoko into doing some depraved shit if he felt like it. They both worshipped him completely. Independent sources verified that John called Charlie "the Oracle" and it wasn't all a jest.

2) Conmen are incredibly good at reading people. They see our weaknesses and they understand them. He had John and Yoko sized up the moment he met them. He realized John and Yoko were both inherently childish, very credulous, willing to believe anything, and that they would only take the easy way out. They wanted self improvement to come only at the cost of their check books. They loved spending money (I think they both had shopping addictions -- I know because I have a shopping addiction) and they didn't want to be disciplined in the slightest. In fact Charlie depicts several moments where outside parties force John and Yoko to be disciplined and they both react like children being forced to sit in the time out chair.

3) John and Yoko, being very petulant, lazy, and weak at this stage of their lives, were totally impervious to criticism. John at least admitted that he knew Charlie was right about certain things but Yoko always had excuses for why she couldn't give John a longer leash/respect him as her life partner, be nice to her mother (Charlie at one point straight up asks why she's being such a bitch to her mother and Yoko is full of pathetic excuses), spend time with her baby, etc. (She couldn't buy farmland on her own because she didn't know how to ascertain if any of the property was good, so she had Charlie do readings so she didn't have to take responsibility for it.) John and Yoko did not want to shoulder any kind of responsibility for anything at all. They are both depicted as sleepwalking through life, becoming outraged when anything temporarily waylaid them.

You could give them as many hard truths as you wanted and it would never take because they will never ever accept it or act on it or own their mistakes. John and Yoko are often at odds in the book, screaming and arguing with each other, John fucking things up on purpose for Yoko's family, but when it comes to Growing The Hell Up, they were a united couple saying "no the hell we will not!"

This is reading between the lines now but I think Charlie is straight up laughing at them at some points and he's letting us in on the joke. He knows that so long as they remain petulant and undisciplined, he will always have a job. So he can tell them honestly to their faces that they are bad parents, that they are a terrible couple, that John is a sullen asshole and Yoko is a whiny bitch, and they will never ever fire him. They will argue with him but Yoko will have him back in her bedroom in 15 minutes to get him to read tarot cards for her again.

A few things I found interesting:

Sean is not portrayed at all in the book. John once describes Sean as overly quiet and meek especially around John and John says it's because he knows Sean is frightened of him. Interesting that this is at odds with Fred's portrayal of Sean. However I actually feel a little soft towards Charlie Swan on this because I think he did it to protect Sean, the way he said he would protect the Lennons' privacy at the beginning of the book. I legit think he was shielding Sean because Sean under 18 when Charlie published this. I think he didn't want Sean to have to wrestle with being depicted in a memoir at that age. The Dakota situation is so fucked up that I legit believe that this expert scam artist might have been in the only moral person on John and Yoko's payroll. I say this because Charlie is absolutely fearless towards John and Yoko in this book so he clearly didn't give a shit about being sued for libel. So IMO he did it to protect Sean because Sean was only a child.

John goes in a 15 month depression in 1978 because Sean once asked him (after seeing one of their poor cats fall out of a window) what happened to the cat that died. John tells him that the cat went to the Land of the Dead because it fell, explaining that nothing can survive a fall out of a window that high. Sean apparently thought about it and said "then Daddy, why haven't you walked out the window?" Jesus Christ.

Charlie scolds John for being a shitty parent and tells him that Sean is just a kid and that he doesn't understand what he's saying. He's just repeating things that he's heard around the house, and if you read between the lines you can feel Charlie judging John and Yoko because Charlie understands that this exposure to the occult is fucking Sean up. John becomes very surly and asks him "how the hell do you know" to which Charlie replies "I studied art therapy and child psychology in college for my teaching degree." (Independent verification has proven that this is true!) John sinks even deeper into a funk that yet another person is proving to be more knowledgeable about John's children than John himself, and rolls over in bed, beginning a 15 month period where he won't see anyone. He just lays there watching tv with the sound off.

Yoko is constantly on edge. She's obsessed with what people think of her. Charlie describes 1979/80 as being very trying because Yoko constantly repeating the same questions for Charlie to read for, trying to divine what stories journalists will write about her next.

John is similarly obsessed with having a positive PR image. He's deeply upset that no one liked his Rock n Roll or Shaved Fish albums (because they don't have new material.) John spends an entire chapter moaning that he hates his audience because they don't love him enough. Then he admits that he thinks he owes them new material but that he won't commit to anything without having a decent stock of songs to burn through. Then he swivels back to piling more blame onto his audience and continues bitching that they don't love him enough to make up for the anguish that he feels all the time. He piled a lot of blame and resentment onto The Public for not being able to "fix" his sadness.

At one point Yoko wants to buy blessings/curses from an actual witch so they go to Brazil. They find a bruja and Charlie intimates to the audience that brujas are expert con artists in a class of their own. He relates that a bruja once sabotaged a building project at which time the builders invited her onto the property to do an """exorcism""" from which she made a tidy profit and they were able to resume building. (Charlie does not depict it in precisely this way but he relates the story in such broad ""magical"" terms that you can see him grinning, pointing, winking, and nodding at you from across the room. Charlie made it as obvious as he possibly could that he was totally fucking with these people and that he knew when other magicians were fucking with people as well.)

Yoko has to sit through a week of a Brazilian woman putting her through fake and expensive rituals, all while putting on a fake Jamaican accent??? Yoko is so dumb and desperate that she doesn't see through it. Charlie is incredibly contemptuous through out the section. He does have an interesting "magic" battle with the bruja (here called Nora, her actual name was Lena) where they size each other up and the bruja agrees to take Yoko on as a client. Eventually Yoko gets cold feet and begs Charlie for a way to get her out of the rituals because she's scared that Nora mentioned a "blood sacrifice" and Yoko doesn't want to kill someone.

To which Charlie replies: "Yoko, why don't you just tell Nora how you feel? You're the client, if you don't want to make a blood sacrifice then just ask Nora to do something different. I don't think she's going to kill a person but if you're that worried then you can tell Nora about your concerns and she'll either change it or explain what will happen. You're paying her, remember?"

Yoko dissolves into more hysterics. She's scared the bruja will put a curse on her or Sean or John. She's too anxious to ask for clarification or help. Charlie rolls his eyes through the entire section.

Then the actual ritual happens, Nora kills a dove (poor thing) and then tells Yoko to sign her name to sell her soul to…something? I actually didn't understand what, though Charlie told Yoko "it's impossible for you to sell your soul so just go along with it dumbass."

But Yoko melts down. She can't do it. She begs Charlie to sign on her behalf and it sounds like she was actually crying because she was so scared. Charlie and Nora both sigh but Charlie signs the document and Nora goes "okay, done!"

Yoko then asks Charlie "Hey did you sign Charlie Swan or John Green?" To which Charlie replies, "what makes you think I signed either of those names?" Yoko freaks out and follows him around going "What name did you sign?? Whose soul did you sell??? Charlie?!!!! Charlie!!!!" But he never tells her lmao. He is so fucking contemptuous of her, it's amazing. This sequence is Charlie Swan rubbing his superiority in Yoko's face with utter glee, and he completely gets away with it. She's too scared to argue with him.

Obviously Charlie doesn't talk about everything here. For example, he and Sam Green both pulled a fast one on Yoko by counterfeiting a painting and selling it to her -- her own boyfriend! It was a complete success, she paid them both handsomely for it. He doesn't talk about that here. But it's clear from the outset IMO that he lies his ass off about tarot reading through out the entire book and is able to do as well as he does because he does actually have some good business sense.

I have to be honest: I respect the fuck out of Charlie Swan. This man is a king. He scammed John and Yoko out of millions. He did so well that he could tell them how awful they were to their faces and they had no choice but to swallow it whole. They didn't have the sac to stand up to him. And he was kind enough to write this book and show us how he did it: by taking advantage of their fear, petulance, and refusal to grow up. Dakota Days is an amazing book.

I have decided that the rocknroll industry is one big trailer park and John and Yoko had the biggest trailer. John is straight up wandering around in a robe and curlers reading the astrology and Dear Abby sections of the newspaper, Yoko is knocking back forties wondering when she can upgrade to the younger model. Sean is their poor kid with a learning disorder that is doing the pyromaniac thing. Going to Swiss boarding school (so that Yoko didn't have to be reminded of John) is probably what straightened him out and saved him.

Not trying to diss trailer parks, I met a lot of nice people who lived in them when I worked insurance, so pulling more from sitcom trash here. But John and Yoko fought, a lot, like these types of couples always do (that anecdote of Pete Shotton's second phone call where Yoko is screaming her head off in the background. I live next to a trashy family like this.) Who knows what Sean heard and what he repeated because he was so young.

This is the book that convinced me that John retreated into the Dakota out of shame. He knew that being with Paul was the best thing that ever happened to him, the only good thing, and he fucked it up with drugs and untreated mental illness. Which sadly has to be hung around his own neck. He blew his life up for no reason and he hid because he knew that.

John thought there were only two options: go back to Yoko or eat crow and go back to Paul. He couldn't stand either but at least with Yoko he didn't have to dance for the press. It never occurred to him that he had options and could do anything.

[crustyfloor]

brainvomit I can go on and on about the apparent hints we're getting in merch and subtext that allude to a Till revival but it grates on my nerves that it could easily be disproven in several ways, so I can never be certain, but honestly.. I'm quite confident in a Till revival. And I'm coming to expect it to some degree (In part because it's been months since there's been a proper update on him, otherwise his post-mortem comic would've been uploaded ages ago and that would be that,, but since it's seemingly being held off it leads me to think that it's an intentional decision because there is more content with him and his perspective to come, probably in later episodes)

from a writer's perspective, it feels like the logical next step. On the other hand, he might be really dead. It can happen, hell, it probably will happen because it's already clear that the chances of him living or staying dead are so situational, depending on where this story is going it might be right for him to just stay dead, (and that much in regards to the plot I can't really guess with much confidence either). I'm already so unsure how Vivinos plans to juggle all this worldbuilding and development within one or possibly two new episodes, I trust her ability, and so far she hasn't disappointed me, even when she's left me confused and upset for some time- and Vivinos is always introducing surprise plot twists to the story when I least expect it so now I'm not surprised that Till was shot anymore (aside from the agony and dread of actually seeing it) losing to Luka served it's own purpose, and I wouldn't be surprised if she brought him back

Even if revival is a very bold decision for a character, I wouldn't say it's as completely out of the realm of possibility as some may think, and it wouldn't be "impossible" to do. Alnst still has sci-fi themes. If aliens can exist, then many other things are on the table. That's why I like the robot/alive Sua theories so much. (and even though I wouldn't lean too much on realistic facts that would apply to our world to a fictional setting where plot armor exists, they're also still within the reasonable time frame to resuscitate Till, time isn't moving that slowly between the episodes Blink gone and Wiege so it's not too ridiculous if they're fast enough they can save him)

Sometimes I feel like I'm riding too close to the sun with the absurdity of insisting that Till could revive while his dead body is right there but I don't feel like we would be exploring the full scope of his character if his development ended here, yeah it's already been made somewhat cleared up that he wasn't as indifferent to Ivan's presence as we would have assumed given Ivan's view of him, but that's still pretty up in the air, we have a lot of assumptions about his character and his perspective but ultimately a lot of questions about him are still unanswered and up in the air, and personally, I'd deeply hate leaving this series not knowing as much about him as I could've, sure you could say that's simply his narrative, sure you could say death naturally comes when you least expect it to, that's just the way life is and I would accept that narrative if it came to it and Vivinos executed it in a way that made sense but ehg, it's just cliche to me and I believe there are better ways to handle his character

Whats irks me the most is that if this is where it ends for him, he's dead and there's no elaboration that kind of storytelling would only validate Ivan's narrative, the most we know about Till in regards to his perspective is through Ivan's eyes, to accept that Till's character and his relationship with Ivan is simply built on unrequited feelings and indifference to Ivan is just assuming that what Ivan says is the truth and not his skewed perspective like we know it is. But if there's no way to make that obvious this narrative would only do everything wrong... 1) validate Ivan's perspective 2) It leaves everything about Till's perspective majorly up to interpretation without some solid ground, aside from the fandoms already here and there takes that just wouldn't be good writing (?) there's really a difference in leaving mystery and interpretations to the hand of the viewer and just not answering valid questions, and not leaving any solid content to work with and interpret in the first place, whether this direction is meant to be either or I wouldn't be fully satisfied with it anyway . We see Ivan's impact on Till in Blink gone in the emotional turmoil Till goes through, it shows enough that, as opposed to what Ivan thinks, Till cared about him, but really, what do we know?

That's my biggest gripe; I don't want Till's story to end on such an abrupt and sour note that doesn't truly serve him as a character. I believe this could all be resolved in comics and side content, too. But the reason why I bring this up here is that one of the most reuccuring themes of Alnst is exploring the perspective of the ones who must live on after their loved ones die impactful, painful, unforgettable deaths, it's a present theme to show how the characters (Mizi, Luka) progress after it, it's about showcasing endurance and the human spirit. Characters shouldn't just die for the sake of it, without contributing to this and showing it, and Till hasn't yet shown it (It'd make sense if they wanted to show this in his death too, but I'd question what groundwork we were really meant to be laying here.. and I'd hope it'd done right at least)

In the case that the story shifts in a way that supports this to it's full potential (ie. not killing off everyone and blowing up the stage), reviving Till and allowing him the means to process his thoughts on Ivan and his death and what he did and what that means to him enough to put it into words would be great for his character, it's probably overgenerous for how little time we might have but I'm realllyyyy hanging onto hope here that the story will even shift to open up for this chance in the first place. If Vivinos doesn't plan to do either of these things to further Till's growth as a character visibly, then his death is rendered pointless and dismissive, and I'm not serious about that wording

because his death isn't inherently useless, none of the deaths are, and his death serves a purpose regardless. It's most likely being used to bring about Mizi's new turning point in her character development, yes blink gone is one of the many sequences of events in furthering Mizi's story first and foremost, Till's downfall signifies a new turning point in the story, still it doesn't mean he has to remain in that role to move the story along (unless vivinos would like to express that all hope is lost now and she's going to blow up the remaining characters, given Till was practically standing as a hope that things would change), if Vivinos has any interest in not making him look like a sacrifice and tool as a character for the sake of Mizi's growth after experiencing more loss, and not making his character completely reliant on Ivan's unreliable perspective (Because Cure is mostly Ivan-centric and that's the most we get of their dynamic together), She can bring him back, it can still have emotional relevance without being forced or random. And if done right, it wouldn't even erase the impact his death left on Mizi

(And I do worry about that, because revival in alien stage ideally shouldn't take back any of the tension or attention from the current events because otherwise that would be poor writing too, while I'm writing this I realize this story is really put in a tough spot because everything could go all sorts of bad ways) but it's not like if Till were to come back it'd erase the irreversible mental scar his death reopened within Mizi and be one of the driving forces on her mind come whatever she may do next (But what about the moment of hope in Blink Gone that represented Till's naive feelings for Mizi that overrid all sense of rationality and made him run to grab her hand? reviving him wouldn't rewrite that dread either... if anything, the impact of a near-death experience would also be fascinating to write on a character like himself with all the developments he's had so far)

On another note, I'm sure there are characters that may have better reasons to come back to the story, namely HyunA, but I believe what distinguishes Till from her is the possibility that bringing her back would be redundant, the possibility that it would actually remove the impact she intended her death to have on Luka. Her words would be for nothing if Luka doesn't realize this is for real, and he'll have to live with that truth and these new realizations. Everything contributes to that one message. HyunA serves us the "Live through the pain, forgive yourself, you live on" narrative right there.. So naturally, the best way I can see this being formatted is allowing us to continue to explore the perspective of Post round-1 Mizi, Luka, and Till after losing Sua, HyunA, and Ivan perhaps even going HyunA's route and finding a home within the rebellion to allow them to grow and grieve and introspect... #hopefulstage

HyunA is the catalyst for Luka's development, and it turns around to benefit both of their characters. Ivan is the catalyst for Till's development, and in turn, growth from Till would also contribute to Ivan's character . Allowing Till to live on would be a satisfying way to execute this narrative (But of course, this all goes out the window if like I said before Vivinos plans for this story to take a different direction, all I'm saying is that if the plot allows it I don't want Vivinos to miss the opportunity to expand on Till's character this way, if not in other forms that confirm he's dead). Till is my favorite character, so I'm aware I have bias and I'm indulging my delusions, but the way I see it, there's nobody who can resolve this better than Till can, there's nobody who can elaborate on his and Ivan's story better than he can, because Mizi was their friend, but nowhere near as emotionally close to them as they were to each other, she loves them but she only knows so much about them as people and just "her friends" so it's a tough spot, and Luka doesn't know them at all. Till is resilient, always coming back from the brink, and has always been fighting for agency and freedom. In that way, he parallels HyunA a lot. And I have a soft spot for both of them that wants to see them flourish and grow, and heal. If it's allowed, I want him to have that, I want him to have the space to grow with as much time as we have left, and I want him to have a fair and well-written wrap-up otherwise, I don't know I'll probably change this opinion a little bit later down the line and I still have too many questions on what the helllll is about to go on with this story to write anything sensical but if he's alive awesome if he's dead okay i'd just strongly prefer the former if it suits the overall narrative and I want it to make sense and not feel like he's been written off (and worse, I don't want his character to be perceived as shallow because of wherever vivinos chooses to direct his arc next)

all this to say I really want his perspective or any indication of anything about his current status hepl

[changbinsboobs]

Changbin as husband is next I'm curious for his and hyunjinss

This is the longest fucking reading I've ever had so i just HAD to split it in 2 parts so bear with me. I love him but i hate him right now😩 (no i don't)

Husband Series: Changbin pt. 1

Ugh...that guy🫠 i bet you if i let him use up my whole deck he would. The amount of "ok last card" i had to say...and yet there was still so much gushing put...and ugh, i just can't stress enough how much into details he is and how much he wants to stress on them and make sure they don't go unnoticed or get misunderstood or overlooked. Reminds me so much of my audhd friend😭. Anyways back on track - tho i don't even know where to begin from, i really think he used up half my deck. I just counted 23 cards😳 i do indeed draw a lot for the others too but thats just next level. Not on topic but i think he's a really chatty drunk😂 now i wanna read on them when drunk🙌🏻😂

Ok soooo since i have so many cards ill try to combine them as much as i can and keep the messages as concise as possible so this post doesn't become a novel - the overall energy i noticed here is not so much emphasis on him as a husband but overall him as a partner in a committed relationship. Which leads me to believe he himself doesn't view marriage with such dread as the others did (there wasn't really any dread with felix bust still a certain anxiety around responsibilities, meanwhile that with changbin is absolutely nonexistent). I would say he seems himself as capable and even ready to take on that responsibility and role if the opportunity presents itself and i think he believes he'll do a good job. He's responsible, capable and can take care of it. I actually sense a feeling of pride in him about that.

Another MAJOR theme is him being a "simp" for his partner (he insists on wife). There are many cards that im trying to sum up:

He's very protective over her and doesn't let anyone say shit about her, he's giving me guard dog vibes. Also a big bodyguardy. I can see him when being out with her eyeing people and being on alert and just idk, looking scary as to scare of any weirdos before they even think about trying something. And to clear any misunderstandings up, im really not getting this coming from jealousy (not that its not there, it is😂, but its just 10% reason, out of 100), but rather because he wants the woman he loves to feel safe and protected around him. He wants her to be able to relax and trust that he will always have her back and keep her safe. He wants her pretty little witty head not to be bothered by ANYTHING!

More from the simpy train - looks up to her a lot and kinda puts her a bit on a pedestal. This is not a very debilitating energy but feels rather like something he has made peace with and accepts - which is that she is indeed better than him and he can never be able to reach her, which means he is incredibly lucky and appreciative of the fact a woman like that has chosen him and he tries whatever he can to live up to her standard and continue to give her reasons to stay with him and continue to love him. Although she can never love him as much as he does (thats his thought🥲). But as i said this doesn't feel victimy to me at all but rather just seems realistic to him and he's a big boy and can accept reality for what it is and choose to feel lucky instead of beating himself up for not being good enough and self sabotage. Im actually really shocked looking at his energy because i can really feel the strength of his mind and ughh just how innovative and flexible he is. His will is just astounding and making me really happy, despite him obviously having some issues he doesn't let himself be defined by it and chooses to spin them to him favor. What an amazing guy💗

Back to the reading - so he spends a lot of time in his head, doing A LOT of 2 things. One is being thinking of his girl and what he can do to make her happy, analyzing previous conversations to see if he missed something or if he has remembered everything. Contemplating if she maybe gave him a hint about something, or if she maybe looked hesitant with something. Maybe her body language was off? He notes that. If there was any difference in her behaviour today, if she looked different. He's really putting LOTS of energy thinking about her and analyzing her and her behaviour. Again this doesn't seem to come from distrust (although he thinks of that as well, its just not his motivator, he just considers everything, thats why) but rather for his own feeling of safety. I think he is a very thoughtful and analyzing and sensitive person in nature so this may be something he always does, except when its something very important to him, and a relationship at that - he does it even more intensely. He doesn't only think about and analyze her tho. He does that to him too, to their relationship as well. He just wants to have a good understanding and overview of everything that is happening in the relationship so he has a sense of control and safety. You can always fix something if you know its broken. Or beginning to bend. You can fix the problem before the branch brakes i think is what he wants to say. And he wants things to run as smoothly as possible with them, and once again he has taken on the responsibility to make his girls life as easy and carefree as possible and how can that happen if he leaves the whole relationship in her hands?! He can't, so he doesn't his part very diligently and tries to keep up on the same level as her, emotional-intelligence-wise.

He also doesn't to just thinking but planing & organizing. So i think he takes lots of care for other stuff too like planing and booking fun dates. If he cant attend then books fun stuff for her. Provide her with the needed tools/means for her to be able to create, to indulge in her hobbies. He really loves that feminine creator energy and really wants to do his best to encourage and provide an encouraging environment for his wife to get in her feminine creator energy and bring him joy with it. Also thats really random but he's always ready and loves giving her massages😂💗(after her long day of crafting). He just loves hearing about it, seeing the excitement in her voice and face. It charges him.

He also spends lots of time fantasizing about her. Reminiscing wonderful dates, imagining potential future ones, creating scenarios etc. He's just A LOT in his head, his mind is really really active, and its very occupied with his love. Also another random message, commitment and love are tied with him somehow. Im seeing he cant commit if he doesn't love but he also cant love if he can't commit. So i would say he's very extreme-y. Like he's either all in or all out. No middle ground. What i mean is he HAS to be this intense in a relationship because for him thats commitment, THATS expressing love. And if he's not able to do that, then his love and interest and enthusiasm begin to fade away. He HAS to be able to be like that in a relationship and i think often he has been labeled (or was) just WAYYY TOO MUCH for the girls he has been in a relationship with. Im seeing he can get very overwhelming and overbearing if the person he's with just isn't the person to enjoy that kind of commitment and effort. But to go back to the cards, he also fantasizes about physical stuff too, for example he's riding in the car, and for the whole ride he's imagining and giggling and wiggling his feet and twirling his hairs because he plays over and over how that one time while they were still just dating she looked him in the eyes with that wet sexy look, and how his whole body got shivers and his stomach dropped and his heart skipped and his palms got sweaty and he swears some saliva started dripping out the corner of his mouth and his knees got weak and he almost felt like he was gonna black out and by the time he came back to his senses she was already sooo close to his lips and them BAM. Fireworks everywhere. He can never forget how that wonderful kiss felt and how sweet the sexual tension and anticipation before it was. He plays stuff like that OVER AND OVER again the whole damn day.

While being on physical stuff, he is pretty horny ill say. But not in a bunny way,m where he wants to fuck 5 times a day, but rather when around his girl he's always half way up, always ready to rise for the occasion iykwim. I think he gets *excited*👀 very easily and is just really weak when it comes to his girl. He's always ready to deliver whenever she ask, whatever she asks. Als im seeing once again he's a giver (and despite him loving head so much) he's focused on her pleasure and he can off just from watching her enjoy...whatever it is. So yeah thats that😂

Bro im so tired im thinking about doing this in 2 parts😭 im just halfway. Ok yk what im splitting it.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Cult dissection part 3? 4? I don't know, anyway, the next cult topic I want to talk about is the lack of autonomy. Members are expected to give their bodies over to the cult and to The Idol. They are expected to be willing to give each and every part of themselves over, including in the form of a self-sacrifice where needed. Obviously, this does infer that a member's autonomy will be forcefully violated, but there is also this expectation that one willingly relinquishes control of their bodies over to the cult, and accept that their body is going to be used as a tool (and so this forceful violation isn't a true violation because it was in the Terms & Conditions that the cult and The Idol own the members body). In the event that the member does not willingly relinquish autonomy, other tactics will be employed such as force, coercion, or punishment.

Small tangent, but I promise this is relevant. In the real world, many of us have the misfortune of being aware of "purity culture". It is this worldview that sex is sacred, should only be done under certain conditions, and is intended to fulfill The Idol's desires and satisfactory in the eyes of The Idol (barf). It's a tactic used to enforce the idea that one's body isn't "theirs" and doesn't truly belong to them, but to The Idol. That only The Idol dictates what happens to them and they have no say in the matter. Another thing used to bolster this is something along the lines of "You were created in The Idol's image", as in The Idol created you and so only The Idol has final say over you.

But purity culture isn't just about sex and it is multifaceted. There is this purity of body if you will, which does include sex, but also things like tattoos, piercings, diet, medication, vaccinations, smoking, drinking, etc. We can also see a purity in appearance (or modesty) which includes hair (including hair styles, colors, and dyes), clothing (no showing shoulders, ankles, arms, etc) and strict dress codes, and even makeup. There is also a sense of purity in thought, which is basically just thought policing in which no bad thoughts about The Idol, no bad thoughts about the cult, no positive thoughts towards dissent or dissenters, no thoughts challenging The Idol's message. We can throw in moral purity (like sin) which includes no desires that The Idol doesn't like or approve of, temptation is bad and wrong. And there is even a purity of blood which is the idea that one's genetic makeup is sacred and it is necessary that one remains genetically pure, and anything that could "dilute" it or "taint" it should be avoided at all costs. Purity culture is thick and is a tool to not only strip someone of their autonomy and relinquish it to The Idol, but also enforces ideas of supremacy and eugenics. Whoo, tangent over! I promise it is still relevant, just bear with me here. This is still a post about BG3.

Durge and Orin are both shining examples of how autonomy is deprived of in a cult and both exemplify "purity". All the gods we encounter in the game do some pretty fucked up shit, but Bhaal and the Absolute are the only ones we see to forcibly take control and rob their followers of autonomy completely. Bhaal forcibly takes control of Durge or Orin when they both refuse to do what he wants. It may not be obvious to Orin as she has never refused an order until the end, but it is clear during the Act 2 scene that Bhaal can, and will, turn Durge into a slave if he has to. And if Durge loses the fight to Orin and destroys the brain, or embraces Bhaal but destroys the brain anyway, Bhaal outright steals Durge's body and does whatever he wants with it because Durge belongs to him. If Durge rejects Bhaal, Bhaal takes back his blood and kills Durge because the blood belongs to him, not Durge.

In the madness ending for Durge, it is implied that Bhaal is using Durge's body to commit a litany of sex crimes and using Durge to breed in the next generation of Bhaalspawn. All Bhaalspawn do have this urge to breed and thus have a different relationship with sex as opposed to other Bhaalists. If a Bhaalspawn is to engage in sex, it is to be done in the way Bhaal approves and that is to make more Bhaalspawn. I know we like to clown on Bhaal disapproving of Durgetash, but if we presume that Durge is canonically male, then Bhaal truly would not approve of Durgetash because it won't result in Bhaalspawn babies. It is also why I have the headcanon that Bhaal would have disapproved of Orin's infatuation with Minthara because it won't result in Bhaalspawn babies. There is a reason why irl cults are homophobic as gay sex doesn't result in babies, no babies means less members to control and less labor to be exploited. Homosexuality violates certain aspects of purity and since gay sex does not result in reproduction, it is perceived as "fun" and no fun allowed when you're in a cult!

We also cannot look past the incest stuff between Sarevok and Helena. You know, the same Sarevok who refers to Durge as the "most pure Bhaalspawn" (and the fact that Durge is the "most pure" is the reason why Bhaal and many other Bhaalists put Durge above all else). It was all done in an attempt to "spread Bhaal's seed" in the most pure form possible. I do not know how it went down, but knowing what I know of cults and cult leaders, Sarevok more than likely pressured the expectation to Helena that the only way to prove her devotion to Bhaal was to carry his child, that she was to use her body to nurture the purest Bhaalspawn she could make, and that it was her duty to. As another side tangent, I know that the incest stuff is more definitely apart of the character assassination of Sarevok and I'm not really going to argue on whether or not it is in character of Sarevok to do this. But there are some complaints out there saying that the incest stuff was unnecessary and was put in for the sake of being "edgy" and for shock value. All I am going to say about this is that incest is not unusual within some cults and it isn't unexpected for someone in Sarevok's position to take advantage of his power to coerce his own children. Especially when we are talking about a cult that does lean very heavily into the purity of bloodlines. I am not going to argue if the incest stuff should or should not have been in the game, I'm just saying that it does happen in irl cults. Do whatever you wish with that information.

And of course, Orin was to eventually be sacrificed to Bhaal to please him and restore his power, as that is the point of Orin's existence. I have talked about this previously, but the reason why all Bhaalspawn have the desire to breed, and then kill each other is because when a Bhaalspawn dies, their "godly essence" (if you can truly call it that since Bhaal isn't a true god anymore) returns back to Bhaal to fuel his resurrection and make him more powerful. He cannibalizes his children, they are expected to engage in this behavior, and they have no say in the matter. They were born to die and are only permitted to live under Bhaal's conditions. There are 4 Bhaalspawn that are in BG3 and all of them have either attempted to kill each other, or had a plan to kill each other.

And this is all done in an attempt to gain Bhaal's approval, to show Daddy Bhaal that they are the most pure Bhaalspawn and deserving to be Chosen. I have also made a post about this, but in an embrace Durge ending, Fel implies that Durge gets a romanced Minthara pregnant, or that she is the perfect candidate to immediately go impregnate (I prefer to think of it as the former as Daedra is female and this blog supports fpreg). In the event that Durge lets Minthara go and truly does save her until the end so she can have their baby, it just perpetuates the cycle because Durge and their offspring will be compelled to kill each other once the offspring comes of age and it's all because daddy says so and neither have a choice.

I never played the previous games and I do not know so much about Sarevok's background, so take this next part with a grain of salt. Based upon what I know of Durge and Orin, Sarevok did not truly have a choice. From my understanding, Sarevok acted of free will with the belief he had a choice. But Bhaal operates under the principle of "you do what I say when I say, or I will make you do it anyway. And you will not enjoy it when I make you." We can see this happen in the madness ending for Durge where it implies that Durge is still somewhat conscious and aware of what Bhaal is doing, but is trapped in their own body having been stripped of their autonomy and Bhaal taking control. We can also see this with Bhaal forcibly turning Orin into the Slayer against her will the one singular time she actually questions what she is doing. No Bhaalspawn is allowed to defy Bhaal, because none of them own their bodies, Bhaal does. If a Bhaalspawn does not relinquish their autonomy, no matter, Bhaal will just take it anyway.

Edit: added a picture

< Cults & Individuality: Orin | Cults & Autonomy: The True Souls >

[lazywriters-blog]

INNOCENT WITH A LIAR

I couldn't just sit by and do nothing after witnessing those pictures of Lyney holding- ahem! Oh, I think I just dodged a bullet again.

SUMMARY: You've heard voices around you as you are blindfolded, while you know you aren't in danger as it is a magic show, one can only pray nothing goes wrong.

WARNING: Nothing I can think of mentioning. Am I implying hypnosis? Yes, maybe. Also, I accidentally posted this... So... There's that.

The magician gave her the creeps, gently holding her shoulders and urging her to sit down on the chair, she looked at him one last time as he whipped out a piece of cloth and aligned it with her eyes, blocking out the crowd of people watching them, not being able to see them provided some relief.

Then, she felt his breath fan her earlobe and his voice closer than before. "Relax, your shoulders are far too stiff, there's no need to be scared," he murmured, his grasp increasingly growing tighter.

She doesn't feel good about this.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I shall make her disappear and reappear right from where she came from." he declared, showing his clothed wrist to the public and grinning wide. The lack of his touch further cemented just how tight he had held, "Don't close your eyes."

She is certain everybody is looking at her intently, straining their eyes to not miss a second and a whiff of the magician's secrets. Surely, if they focused without blinking once, they'd come to know how he did his tricks.

However, she doesn't know why she has to be blindfolded.

"On the count of three, say it with me... One..." he begins with a cheerful tone, and suddenly she's not too sure about why she accepted to volunteer, It seemed like a bad decision now that she's here on the stage and waiting impatiently.

"Two..."

"... Three!!" he pitched up his voice and then, the floor opened up beneath her making her fall to her doom as the crowd gasped.

She groaned as she fell out of the chair and landed someplace dark, picking herself up from the fallen stool she took off her blindfold and set her eyes on the door, jogging towards it she twisted the handle and it refused to curl and open. If this was a trick, someone would have to have been around to help her. Surely!

Mirrors reflected her frame and the candles did little to light up the place, arrayed hangers gently swinging right and left, and the make-up stalls smeared with accidental paints and lip tints, a resting spot and other things a dressing room would contain.

Unbeknownst to her, she had someone else taking her place.

"My dear audience she's appeared." Lyney smiled, and the spotlight showered down the seat she had been seated in. "Now you know she couldn't have walked there on her own."

The crowd clapped and she could hear them above her, she'd always known magicians tricked people but why did it have to be her? She frantically looked around, this had to be a mistake! Why would he have a problem with her?

There they were, still with their blindfold on and gripping the seat for dear life, heaving for air as the audience laughed loud and clear at the bowing magician. It had been his solo performance that evening and they couldn't be more impressed, indeed a grand finale for the parting.

She prepared herself to crash into the door hopeful that it would cause an unmissable thud, but nothing indicated they'd heard it, she had to make another sound.

She had to make them know whoever was in her place wasn't her! And she's still down here!!

"I shall see you all in my next performance!" he spoke over the sounds she managed to make, perhaps she had it wrong, and they were just keeping her there for the time being to make sure their magic secrets weren't exposed. "Hey!! I'm still here!!" she shouted.

"Hey!!! Be careful my dear people!!" he nervously grinned as rows of seat gradually emptied, one person hanged around a little longer to glance back and look at the magician quickly vanish behind the curtains rushing to the backrooms.

Of course, they had believed his lies.

The house was cleared of every citizen as lyney approached his sister who returned from the shadow. "So, how did it go? Did people believe it?"

"Looked like it, but was it really necessary?"

Lyney stumbled a little but regained his confidence quickly and retorted, "Of course, it was necessary! Otherwise, my feelings would have gone unheard." he muttered, his sister did not want to see him sad that had to be why she assisted.

But, doubt was a natural notion to any person.

"Alright... If you say so, let's go and see her." She unfolded her crossed arms and faced in the direction of the hidden rooms, lyney perked up and led the way to the secret passway underground they'd trapped her into. Nobody knew she never left the theater.

"Okay, wish me luck! If anything goes wrong, I need you to back me up Lynette."

"Yeah yeah, don't worry I won't let anyone find you confessing your love-"

"Hey! Not so loud!" he hurriedly urged.

"Stop being so paranoid bro..." Lynette deadpanned, leaning against the wall while her brother finally opened the door, looked at her once, and stepped in.

Perhaps the landing had been harsh, he should have kept something softer to cushion the fall but no use grieving over it since the task was complete and he had won his prize. He only needed to speak up and... Let his brain do the automated work.

Besides, he had practiced near to perfection. It couldn't be hard. He hopes at least.

"Hello, my dear lady... Sorry about the situation I put you into, I hope you are not that mad at me." he slowly pulls off his gloves, and sets his hat by the makeup booth. The room lit up bright with lights and candles, he had prepared everything to accommodate her short stay and make it somewhat romantic.

"I see you've taken off your blindfold, that's good... I would have been too shy to take them off myself since your eyes are so pretty..." he mused, closing the distance inch by inch and absorbing the shift in her behavior, usually when one's shoulders are raised and their backs erect. They're ready to fight out of fear. He'd know to be careful.

Her eyes are wide open and her breaths are audible for him to hear, the room had been quiet until he appeared. She didn't scream bloody murder whilst she had been down there, so maybe that's a good sign for him to consider.

"Are you alright? I could-" She quickly moved back when he took a step far too big, but he swiftly recovered, "I could take you someplace better if this is not to your liking." he lowered himself to her level, and magically, a plate of cake sat atop his palm. "You like cakes, don't you? I brought this for you earlier."

She hadn't eaten before coming to his show. "What do you want?" she asked the question nagging her, shuffled back some more, and glued her eyes on him. "Are you the one behind the serial disappearance?"

"Oh no! I would never do such a thing, but you are an exception I couldn't resist. Forgive me." he rested his hand on his chest and peered down. "I never would have done it if you hadn't gone and stolen my heart, honest. Unfortunately, we were... Ways apart and it had been hard to simply let my feelings drowse." he carried on.

"You see, I like you... And I couldn't find any other way to express that without..." he shook his head, "I wanted it to be a secret. That's all." he put on his plastic fake smile he's shown to the audience mere seconds ago.

"Oh..." she stared at him, he couldn't say it was a reaction he was anticipating. "What's wrong?" he took the bait even while understanding everything was wrong.

"Nothing... I thought I was kidnapped and... Awaiting bad things to happen." she softly uttered and faked a smile, he knew they were perfect for each other.

"I would never hurt you," he reassured.

"... Yeah." she had been slow to respond.

"Perhaps not the best confession you've witnessed but," he pulled a bouquet of roses out of thin air, "would you give me the pleasure of being your date for tonight?"

She did not move and stared at the bundle of red held before her, something about him just didn't sit right with her and it was driving her insane, she couldn't tell what troubled her.

She took in a deep breath and shook her head, "I'm sorry I'm far too frightened tonight to be your date, may I leave?" She wondered if her polite tone would do the job, "I would love to tomorrow." She had to fake something.

"Oh! That's alright..." he lowered his hand. The sight of his smile dropping was unnerving for her to watch, and she didn't know why, had she seen this exact enactment before somewhere?

"Can I escort you outside?" He stood up on his feet as soon as she had walked to the door and he closed the distance between them, She didn't want to show her back to him, she quickly turned around and gulped, "Please don't get so close to me." her heartbeat had picked up.

He didn't say anything but hurt had been written all over his face, "Can you unlock it?" she gestured to the door.

"Can I show you one more trick before you leave?" he mumbled.

"No, I'm good, I think I've seen enough of your magic tonight. Can I leave?"

"I know it looks bad but 'father' would have never encouraged such behavior from me." he gripped his fists, "I needed this to be perfect!! But I blew it!!" he shouted, and she stumbled back to the door to support herself. "I can't let you go knowing everything."

"Lyney, is everything alright? Why are you yelling?" A girl's voice resounded outside, she had never been so happy to know someone else could ambush her.

"Please, can you open the door?" she tried her luck at convincing the other voice, but Lyney quickly sternly retorted, "Don't, Lynette. I need your help."

"Why are you doing this? I won't tell any of your secrets to the public! I swear! Just open the door!"

"I need you to calm down. Everything is alright, you can relax." he took a small step forward, and two steps back when she refused to let him touch her, "I won't hurt you I promise! Don't do this to me!!" Everything hurt and he couldn't deny that it kept growing the more he drank in the terrified expression on her face.

Lynette could no longer stand still hearing the voices inside. She opened the entry and to her surprise, her brother's beloved crush fell out and landed on the floor, "Lynette! I told you not to open it!"

"My bad. She's the one you confessed to last night and failed?" She didn't seem bothered by the harsh tone her brother used. "You know, 'Father' would probably want to meet her if word gets out, right?"

"If it gets out, I won't let it."

"Whatever you say, bro. Do your thing."

[pinespinespinespinespines]

Part 3 continuation of the Fiddlestan au i was babbling about in part 1 +2: this post

the Stan visits Fidds [and Ford] at Backupsmore AU:

And so, Stanley is once again on the road, up to his usual shenanigans, yet there was one difference between his last departure from Backupsmore college and this one: Fiddleford, upon Stan's reappearance from the first runaway stunt, gave him his dormitory's mailing address on a sticky note. Stan almost threw it away multiple times, but couldn't bring himself to.

Two months pass before Fiddleford checks his mailbox to find an envelope without a return address. It's a letter from Stanley, who tells him that he won't be returning, and apologizing again for bothering them. The handwriting was messy and the paper wrinkled, making Fidds wonder if he was drunk writing it. He's also troubled by the fact that this was likely sent from a public mailbox, implying Stan was still homeless. Without an address to send a reply to, Fiddleford is left quietly stuffing the letter in a drawer.

Ford was tense with Fidds for a while after the Stan incident, but eventually accepts it as his roommate just being too friendly as usual. He feels kind of bad about punching his brother, but he also justifies it in his mind and focuses on classes instead. Three more months pass, and the pair of college boys finish for the summer, but neither are going home because they're in the last half of their first PhD degree- just because classes are on break doesn't mean they don't have their massive thesis projects to work on. However, the temporarily lessened workload gives Ford more time for his thoughts to wander, and he grows more guilty about Stan as time passes.

Stanley sends another short letter to Fidds later that fall, telling him that he's alive and doing fine, because "you always worry too damn much and I don't want that on my conscious" He also adds a blank postcard from New Orleans. Fiddleford puts those in the drawer too, telling himself that hes keeping them for Ford some day when he's not so messed up over his brother.

Fidds misses hanging out with Stanley, but he's also a pretty social guy- he has friends, goes to parties, has his classwork, and generally keeps busy and is just fine, if not a bit worried over his roommates sibling when he occasionally comes to mind.

After a college party one night, (one that Fiddleford actually convinced Ford to attend!) the boys return drunk to their room and for some reason, Ford admits that he was probably wrong to punch Stan. "Probably??" and Fiddleford tells him that's great and all, but if you want to tell him that, it's not going to be easy, then shows Ford the letter Stan had sent months ago that says he's not returning. Ford drunkenly cries, and Fiddleford comforts him, but the next morning Ford denies the entire thing. (Although keeps the letter and postcard).

At this point, Stan is starting to try out a multi-level marketing scam, which goes sour because he tricked a whole conference of people into signing up to buy 20 knives each. In hindsight, he should have picked something less dangerous to sell, but what's done is done- he's alive, mostly unscathed, and skipping that town with suitcases of cash. Before running off, Stan told the angry people that their money had already been sent to his boss. If any of those people find the truth and decide to come after him, he was toast.

If only he could drop off the multiple cases of cash across the country somewhere safe, so that he could lay low for a while somewhere without having to worry about them being stolen back if he was caught.

He really should've thrown away that sticky note ages ago.

Fiddleford gets the letter right as winter ends, asking him to meet Stanley behind a nearby gas station corner store at a certain date and time- an evening only days away. Relieved to see the letter and assuming the new meet-up spot was so that Ford wouldn't bump into or see him, Fidds does as the letter asks.

He's not happy, to say the least, when Stanley sheepishly begins asking if Fiddleford can keep a few of his things stored for a couple of months, and those "things" end up being multiple suitcases that Stan doesn't want him to open.

Fidds tells Stan that he will only consider keeping the luggage for him if he knows what's inside, and Stan relents, desperate. Fidds' jaw drops at the thousands of dollars that must be stuffed into those bags. Stan tells him he can have some of it for himself if he helps out with this, and Fiddleford immediately drags Stan into his car so that he can yell at him without attracting attention.

Stan tries to argue that he earned this money legally and gradually, and that he just doesn't want to travel with this much cash on him when he doesn't have a place to live that isn't his car. Fiddleford isn't sure whether to believe him, and Stan withers at his hesitation, realizing that he might be ruining the one good connection he still has to his brother.

Instead of answering, Fiddleford keeps scolding Stan about finding a place to live and taking care of himself, because he knows that as long as he hasn't actually taken the money from him, he won't run away.

And this gives Fiddleford an idea.

"I will keep yer money for you, on one condition."

"Whats that?" Stan asks nervously.

"Buy a lease for an apartment here in town with some of that cash, and then I will take the rest from you and store it in my dorm. Unless you want to keep it in your new place."

Stan tries to negotiate- Take the money now, and I'll buy the apartment tomorrow- but it doesn't work, Fiddleford doesn't trust him and rightfully so.

And so Stanley thinks through his two options: leave now without giving Fidds the money, and continue running away on his own with thousands in cash in the trunk - or - buy an apartment lease near Backupsmore and face the consequences of all his money going down the drain in rent and bill payments if he can't find a steady job.

Which he's almost never been able to do. Stan's about to open his mouth and tell him goodbye when Fiddleford speaks again.

"Ford regrets hitting you."

A brief pause. "...He does?"

"He does. He told me."

After a few seconds of blinking at Fidds in disbelief, Stan takes a shaky breath.

"Okay... Yeah. Yeah, I'll look for a place tomorrow."

[hwanchaesong]

Folklore: A Trilogy (August) Teaser

Childhood friend!Jake X F!Reader

Synopsis: Ever since you left home to pursue the city life, you really did think that everything was over. Then you returned, and you still see him there. Will something rekindle and burn inside you once more?

word count: tba

genre & warnings: fluff, smut, angst, other warnings tba when the full fic is out

a/n: this is a part of Folklore: A Trilogy, where the first part is about Jake. i made a playlist for this and i'll probably post that along with the full fic. for now, please enjoy the teaser. lemme know if y'all wanted to be added to the taglist. tysm 🩷

"Y/N! Wait up, please, let me explain!"

You were well aware of Jake's pleads which made you walk faster, unfortunately, races like this meant that the one who has the longer limbs wins, and that wasn't you.

Jake caught up to you in no time, forcefully pulling you into his arms and enveloping you into a tight embrace, not letting you go even if you fight and hit him, accepting all of the profanities that you throw at him, he deserves that much.

It feels like you're in some k-drama. Getting back hugged by your childhood friend in a place where people are nowhere to be found, the skies turning into shades of gray and black, and frankly, you're getting tired of struggling knowing that you already lost the fight since he's so much stronger than you.

When he felt you go limp in his hold, he slowly turned you around so that he could examine you properly, a miscalculation on his part because seeing you in such a defeated state made him want to bury himself six feet under the ground until he's sure that he's paid the damages he had caused you.

"Y/N, please just one chance," he cupped your face, peering at you with such beseech, "please hear me out."

When you didn't speak, he took that as a chance to elaborate his case.

"I know it's wrong of me to interact with her, but she suddenly sat down in front of me. She caught me off guard and I was about to tell her off."

You let out a scornful laugh, pushing him away from you, "Oh so you're saying that she's about to leave?"

He nodded, hope skirting his features but you wiped it all off with your next sentence, "Then how do you explain that wide smile you have while talking to her, huh?!"

"Come on, Y/N, it was fake. I had to d-"

You raised a hand to stop him from saying more, having heard enough of his bullshit for the day, "Cut the crap, Jake, just- give me some time to think about.. t-this." your voice cracked in the middle and the sound reverberated through Jake's heart.

Watching you turn your back away was the hardest shit that Jake has to endure, especially since you're only a hair's breadth from his grasp.

Jake runs his hands over his face, attempting to rub the moisture away.

He has to fix this- No, he will fucking fix this even if it means that he has to go from heaven to hell.

You went home with a heavy feeling in your chest, ignoring the questions from your family and skipping dinner, (which is a big deal because your mother cooked your favorite food) since you don't have the appetite to join them for a delicious meal. You're tired, and all you wanted to do was cry yourself to sleep in the comforts of your mattress.

You dropped your body in the cotton sheets after washing up, dressing yourself in a simple tee and shorts.

A stuck gum in your precious, long hair that had caused you to cut it short, which made your classmates call you a tomboy.

It was eerily quiet, then the horrid memories that you buried in the back of your head started to swim back into the surface, your hands automatically went to your hair, gripping it hard as you choked back a sob.

Your artwork that was destroyed because this jealous girl just had to spray some black paint on it, causing you to lose a painting competition.

That one time when you had a crush on this guy named Soobin, but then he rejected you when you confessed because a certain someone made rumors about you wanting to have sex with him wherein reality, you only wanted to have a date with him.

You remembered being called to the principal's office because you were accused of cheating during finals, which you never did but for some reason, 'evidence' of your wrongdoings appeared, and you lost the chance to become the class valedictorian.

The root of all these shitty things that you experienced: Kim fucking Chaewon.

All the pent up humiliation and anger were released, the thought of Jake, the person who was supposed to be your shield from the chaos being involved with the person that you disliked, no, hate the most is killing you inside and out.

You sniffed, shutting your eyes and letting the tears flow freely as you clutched your pillow close to your chest. How you wished for your boyfriend to save you from this dark hole that swallowed you once more.

"Sunghoon, I need you here please."

---------------------------------------------------

You were rudely awakened by the repeated taps on the glass, a suspicious silhouette moving around the see-through curtain. You sit up, quietly grabbing a lamp on the bedside table and tiptoeing towards the window, you slightly jumped when the shadow knocked again.

You took a deep breath, raising the lamp on your left hand and slowly pulling the curtains to the side. You yelped when you were met with Jake's face pressed onto the glass of the window, clad in an all black outfit and you had to physically stop yourself from laughing with how hysterical he looks.

"Jake?! What the fuck?!" you whisper-yelled, putting the lamp down on your dresser and quickly unlocking the window, ushering him to get in before someone sees him and calls the police.

"What are you doing here?! And in the middle of the night? Do you have any idea that people might t-"

Yes, because life is not that easy and clichéd that a tree would be conveniently placed right in front of your window on the second floor of your home. Jake has to work for it.

"I have ice cream. You didn't get to eat yours today." he shoves a plastic bag in your face, effectively cutting you off as he huffs and puffs, probably out of breath since he had to climb the tree behind your house and go over the roof so he could sneak into your bedroom.

"I don't want it." you uttered, trudging towards your door and opening it, nudging your head downstairs, "Please leave, I'll be nice enough to escort you out."

You weren't looking at him, you don't have it in you to take him in because you're weak. You're not strong enough to stay mad at him, you know that one gaze into his starry eyes and you're gone, and you couldn't afford to do that.

Still, you should've checked at least once because hearing the plastic being dropped on some furniture and his incoming footsteps made you assume that he's done, that he's leaving, which was not the case.

A surprised gasp left you when Jake's hand grasped yours that was holding the knob, closing the door with a slight thud and he easily towers over you. An uncharacteristic intensity in his usually warm orbs made your knees buckle, your heart rate speeding up when you realized that his masculine body has you trapped. Most importantly, his musky perfume makes you dizzy, clouding your ability to make sound judgement.

"I came here to see you, so no, I'll politely decline the offer of me leaving so soon." he murmurs, his hot breath cascading down your cheeks, and you got even more flustered when his free hand gripped your chin, leniently guiding your vision towards him.

"Please, Y/N, baby. Will you let me explain what happened earlier?" he rasps, earnestly peeking into your own eyes as he searches for an answer that he desperately needed.

You'll blame his perfume, his minty breath, his insanely attractive voice, and the sudden romantic ambience of the room. You'll inculpate anything at this point except your fragile self, because is it supposed to be your fault if Jake has the ability to render you defenseless against his overwhelming power over you?

A shaky sigh escapes you, nodding your head absentmindedly. The petname surely haa an effect on you, to which you could only describe as a whole circus playing around your whole nervous system.

"Jake.."

"There is nothing going on between me and that bitch, okay? I only care about you," he pulls your interconnected hands from the knob, bringing it to his lips and gently pecks your knuckles, "I'll drop anything just to be by your side, you know that right?"

"Please baby, I'm so sorry. I will never get in touch with her ever again. I'm so fucking sorry, I don't- I hate it when you cry, I hate it when you're sad. Please let me make it up to you. Please let me show you how much you mean to me."

You're not an impulsive person, as you'd like to believe, you tend to think first before doing something that you might regret in the future, but as of now, none of that matters.

For the first time in your life, you took the initiative, connecting your lips with Jake's, pouring all of your emotions in one emotional kiss. He wasted no time in returning it, turning his face sideways to deepen the liplock.

Jake was brought back to reality when he felt you suck on his lower lip, opening his eyes in a haste and pulling away from you.

So this is what it felt like to kiss your plush, glossy lips. This is what it felt like to hold you in a way that is more than just some fucking friends.

This is what feels like to have you. Intoxicating, addicting, and astronomically out of his wildest dreams.

"I don't think we should d-" he starts, but you hushed him by placing your index finger above his lips.

This is.. wrong. You are in a relationship, right? You two shouldn't be doing this.

"Jake," you whisper his name with such mirth, "show me how much I mean to you.. please."

That was the last thing Jake needed, throwing out whatever rationality remaining in his brain in exchange for the yearning that he desired for so many years.

He groaned when you willingly opened your mouth for him, allowing him to slip his tongue in, licking every corner of your cavern. You let his wet appendage graze your teeth before moving your own to clash with his. Both are battling for dominance in this wild exchange of saliva which he easily won, and you couldn't keep your moans at bay when he sucked on your tongue.

Pressing his lips into yours once more, a heated make-out ensues with him leading the way, wrapping his arms around your waist and compressing you between his body and the door, wanting to lessen the distance. He wanted more, he needed more, and he sure as hell will make the most out of this.

He'll act as a clueless villain if it means that he'll be able to steal the most precious gemstone that's already owned by someone.

But who fucking cares?

How could one say that it's wrong when everything feels so right? No one is qualified to dictate shit when the pieces of the shattered past are starting to recollect themselves, turning into a masterpiece called a forbidden tryst.

"Keep it down baby, don't want your parents to barge in here don't we?" he muttered against your lips, head moving to your clavicle and you instinctively craned your neck to the side, giving him the permission to paint you with the most colorful hues of blue and purple.

Jake breathes through his nose, inhaling your rousing vanilla and strawberry fragrance. This is what he's ever dreamed of. You, in his arms, being able to mark you as his and only his.

One rainy day, he woke up only to realize that he wanted to be the man to make you happy. He wanted to cook meals with you, travel around the world, take candid photos of you and set it as his wallpaper. He wanted to be the person that you'll meet at the end of the church isle.

He couldn't exactly recall when it all started.

Was it when you cried over that dimpled man back during 8th grade? Or was it when he saw you in your ball gown for prom? He has no idea, but he does know that he's prepared to give and let go of everything just for you.

Jake clutches on your waist even tighter, nuzzling his nose in the nook of your neck and leaving feathery kisses up to your mastoid. He smiled when he heard you giggle, biting your ear lobe teasingly, "Still ticklish I see."

You poked his side in retaliation, making him jump and shriek a bit, "So are you."

"Why you little-!" Jake carried you like a sack of potatoes, dropping you on the cushions haphazardly yet you felt his palm on the back of your head, acting as an insulation so the impact won't hurt you.

"You'll be sorry for that." he says with a smirk, wedging himself in between your legs, and before you could reply, he kissed you deeply, proceeding to attack your neck with pecks and bites, sucking in the spot that had you gripping his hair.

His hand started to explore your body, tracing your shape and going inside your shirt, stopping right under your boobs. Jake lifted himself off, his eyes speaking for himself, silently asking you if it's alright to remove your clothes.

You nodded and started peeling off the shirt, the fabric getting comically stuck on your forehead (that's what you get for wearing clothes from your junior high days). You both laughed at the witless situation, and despite all that, you felt him help you out of the predicament but not without leaving a kiss on the exposed lower half of your face.

When the shirt is finally out of the way, you hastily remove your shorts as well, leaving you in nothing but a pair of panties because yes, you did not put on a bra, finding it ridiculous to wear one inside your own house.

You suddenly felt conscious when you noticed that Jake was unmoving and you found yourself covering your upper body, a movement that made the boy snap out of his daze.

"No, baby don't cover up," he grins sweetly at you, gulping down his nerves, "sorry, you're gorgeous, I can't help but admire."

You bit your lower lip, glancing at him and tugging at his own clothes, "Then be fair, give me something to admire too." you shyly said, avoiding eye contact when you saw him grin.

Jake instantly shrugged every piece of his attire, baring his all to you, and your eyes almost popped out of their sockets because what the hell?

Of course you knew he was well built, his fitted outfits leave nothing to the imagination at times, but fuck you to the moon and back, you did not expect him to be this muscular. He has abs! For goodness sake, you weren't prepared, and it shows since Jake has to boop you in the nose to get you out of your daydream.

"I know the view is amazing," he gently laid you down, positioning himself on top of you, "but tonight is all about you, darling."

He pulled you in for another solid minute of make-out session, this time though, he touches you with more fervor. Snaking his hand on your chest, gripping your left boob and lowering his head down to give the other the rightful attention it deserves.

You moaned his name when he suckled on your nipple, tongue circling around the areola and occasionally biting to add more to the sensation. He used his fingers to twitch and pull on the other nipple, his other hand trailing over your stomach, down to the navel until it reaches your heat. He experimentally dipped a finger, gathering your juices and groaning at how wet you are for him.

"Baby, you're dripping and I've only done the bare minimum." he mutters, releasing your nipple with a pop and staring down at you with desire written all over his features, "You really want me that bad?"

"Yes Jake," you answered without any hint of doubt, "I want you god, please, do something." you begged, and who was he to say no to his beautiful baby.

"Your wish is my command, princess." he grinned, going into full action as he slid down, coming face to face with your core.

Princess.

You weren't able to delve deeper into your thoughts when you felt a finger inside your pussy, a warm mouth lapping at your wetness and sucking on your clit harshly. Your back arches when another digit goes inside you, going at a moderate yet wonderful pace every time it curls and hits a spot that had you curling your toes.

There was only one person who called you that. It should hit you by now that this is taboo... but it's just one night.

After this, you'll move on and act like nothing happened. Isn't it?

"Right there!" you moaned, getting closer to your orgasm, Jake sensing this made adjustments to his ministrations, basically going into feral mode. His deft fingers pumped in and out of you vigorously, his sucking, add to that the small nips in your bundle of nerves are getting too much for you to handle.

"Cum for me." he uttered, and the mini encouragement and vibration from his voice had you undone within a few seconds. Gushing into his face which he happily guzzled on, not stopping until you told him to stop, sensitive from the overstimulation.

He went up to your face and you could see the shiny slick on his lips, "That felt good?"

You smile, pulling him in for a kiss, tasting yourself in his tongue, "Very much, but what about you?"

"Baby, didn't I tell you that tonight's all about you?" he shakes his head, using his own limbs to spread your thighs open, allowing him to slot himself in the middle, goosebumps raising on your skin when you feel his tip prod at your entrance.

"Then what are you waiting for?" you taunt, wrapping your legs around his waist, pressing him closer to your soaking cunt. "Take me, Jake."

You really have a way with words or maybe you have this effect on him like magic, whenever you talk, all he could think about is making you his.

Inch by inch, he inserted his big, fat cock inside you and you know, because you feel it. The way he stretches you out just the right way, the vein on the side of his dick pulses every time you clenched on him, and when he finally bottomed in, you both let out a sigh that you didn't know you were holding.

Jake grits his teeth, putting the tip in and he thinks he's crazy because it's just the head but your pussy is sucking him all in and it almost made him cum.

He calmed himself down, if he's intending to pleasure you as much as he could, he's sure as hell to make himself last longer than usual.

He lets you adjust to his length, taking in a slow pace when you whispered for him to move. Gently rocking his hips onto yours, making sure that he wasn't hurting you in any sort.

Then you begged for him to move faster, harder, truly, you're making this more difficult than it's supposed to be. He could hardly contain himself, but the more you egged him on, the more he lets loose.

"Ah!" you cried out when Jake lets a rather ruthless thrust, his tip hitting your cervix deliciously and it was getting him drunk off of you. He got a taste of you, and it'll be difficult to stop. He rammed into you mercilessly, the creaking of the bed was the least of your concerns now as you're more focused on the delightful feeling he's giving you, unconsciously scratching his back.

Your warm, wet walls hugged his cock so nicely that it made him believe that your pussy is made for him. Truly, every time he pushes in, you get tighter and it feels like paradise.

Jake hisses at the pain, but it motivated him to no end, knowing that you love what he's doing to you right now.

Knowing that the reason you're acting like this is because he's doing you, as of the moment.

Nothing matters but the hushed moans of his name on your lips, he doesn't care about anything other than how good you feel.

You weren't in a good condition either, you're losing grasp of what's real, drooling mindlessly at the delight you're receiving. The man on top of you gives it his all, fucking you with all his strength as his length hits all the perfect spots inside you, making your eyes roll and see stars at the back of your brain.

Jake really tried to hold on, but your sudden release made your walls squeeze his cock, a low groan coming out of him as he cursed and complimented you on how well you're doing for him.

"Baby, I'm close." he warned you, sweat forming on his forehead and dripping down to your cheeks, and he finds it so hot when you darted your tongue out to lick the salty substance away.

"Inside, Jake. Please come inside me."

"Are you sure?" he slowed down a bit, peering into your eyes for confirmation.

Then you cupped his face, smiling at him lovingly, "Yes, I trust you."

That was all it took for him to release his seed inside you, thrusting shallowly to ride out his high until he collapsed on top of you, rolling over and slipping out of your walls when you halfheartedly complained about how heavy he is.

He finally did it.

Jake felt like a champion, one chance was enough for him and he's thanking all of the deities out there internally for giving him the opportunity to show you the love he's been meaning to shower you with.

He felt his body stiffen when you laid your head on his chest, telling him to stay, but what terrified him the most was when he listened to your request and naturally wrapped his arms around you.

Jake focused on you, combing your hair using his fingers as he watches you drift into dreamland.

You look ethereal like this, glowing under the dim light of the street lamps outside and how he wishes for you to continue being with him like this until you're grey and old.

He'll slip out of bed later, (couldn't risk getting caught by your family in the morning), and write you a note to make sure that you won't feel like shit when you wake up. For now, he'll relish in the blanket of your warmth and even breathing.

The boy sighs, his hand moving to your back, fingers lightly tracing his name over your smooth skin,

'J A K E '

---------------------------------------------------

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@deobitifull

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

With the last breath

Word count: 1577

Warnings: depression, suicide attempt

Part II

At first, I'm sorry for my English. It isn't my native language, so there are mistakes and maybe it wouldn't give sense. Writing this was a real challenge and it showed me my (language) limits😅

For the first actual fanfiction I post here I'd say it's quite dark. I wrote it after fight with husband as kind of distraction. Well, it served its purpose.

Declaration: I write just for fun✌️

One day you were on a way to deliver some documents to Rhysand. He sent a request to the library to look for certain information he urgently needed and when everything he asked for was collected, Clotho asked you to deliver it to him. As the only person who from time to time didn't mind to go out, you had a good relationship him and knew all of the members of the inner circle. You often worked with them and helped them as you knew the library so well as the back of your hand.

Entering the River House you headed to his office. Clotho had sent him a notice of your visit early in the morning, so you knew where to look for him. As you approached the office door you could hear his voice and the voices of two other males. He was there together with his brothers standing around the table with maps and papers on it and discussing something important. You didn't want to disturb them, so you silently walked through the open door and set the documents on a small table right next to the door. Spymaster's eyes met yours for a second as he was the only one facing the door and he noticed the movement. Finding out it's you, as usually, he lost interest and returned to whatever they were looking at together. Rhys noticed his eyes went up and he also turned to you with a big, kind smile.

„Is that the information I asked for?“

„Yeah, it should be all. I checked it several times to make sure,“ you whispered silently, but he heard you.

„Would you mind to stay for lunch since you've come this far? It would be just three of us, Feyre and Elain,“ Rhys invited you.

Your eyes hastily darted to Azriel. His jaw slightly tightened, but you didn't miss that small move. „I'm afraid I need to return back..“ you tried to smile little.

„Are you already going back? Don't you need escort?“ Cassian turned to you too, offering help.

He and Rhys were kind to you and seemed to be happy to see you whenever you met them. Rhys always asked you to join a meal with his family and sometimes you'd accept it. On the other hand, Spymaster has never bothered to treat you with more than a short look or few casual phrases at the best. Even though he didn't seem to be really fond of you, he tended to sit next to you on a sofa or hold a seat for you next to him at the table. But it was a long time ago. Maybe he noticed you eyeing him with interest and that was the reason his behaviour changed over the years from 'I can tolerate you' to 'such a nuisance'. He personally didn't do nor say anything bad to you. But you could feel it from him somehow. You hadn't much of magic in your blood, but you was able to read any subtle signs and understand how people around you feel. That's the reason you stopped accepting invitations and tried to cross his path as little as possible. In the moments like this it was impossible to avoid meeting him and he seemed to be fine with it, paying you minimum attention. But as soon as somebody asked you to join them for a meal or evening, you could feel a slight discomfort from him. You tried to brush it away, but still it hurt.

When you met him for the first time you were afraid of him. As you got to know inner circle better, you learnt there's actually nothing scary about him and that deep down he is a very kind person. His silent, calm and caring nature appealed to you and before you noticed you fell in love with him. You couldn't help it even though you knew you don't have any chance. Masking it as best as you could, you decided to suffer in silence. You knew about his feeling toward Mor and when Archeron sisters entered your lives you noticed his shift of interest to Elain too. You weren't ugly, but there was no way you could compete with such beauties as the two of them. And you were well aware of that. That's why you've never tried to approach him and talk to him properly and after feeling a kind of discomfort from him in your presence, you tried to keep your distance and avoid him.

You excused yourself as fast as you could and turned around to leave. When you were sure that Rhys and Cass turned back to the table, you allowed yourself a single glance to him over your shoulder. His features were relaxed. He was so painfully beautiful that tears welled up in your eyes and the painful hole in your chest got little bigger.

After meeting him you needed some time to calm down and bury those feelings back so deep that nobody could notice them. You were walking around the city till you were sure you regained your peace. And just then you decided to head back to the library.

When you were climbing up the stairs you heard some muffled voices. You've never spied on other people, but this time you couldn't resist it and peaked to the hall to see who could it be. And there you saw them. Azriel stood with his back against the wall, Elain standing on her tiptoes with arms around his neck leaning into him. They started to kiss, slowly at first, but soon enough their passion took over. You couldn't stand it. Tears stinging your eyes once again, you left as silently as possible. When you were far from them and they couldn't hear you anymore, you run to your room as fast as you could. Closing the door you slid down to the ground unable to stifle your sobs. Knowing he has a thing for somebody else wasn't as painful as to actually see them together. It utterly broke your heart leaving you unable to breathe properly. Your life was pretty simple, you didn't have much. Your love for that male and a little faith you held were basically all you had left and the scene you witnessed totally crushed it all.

It took you hours until you calmed down enough to be able to stand up. You opened the door. You didn't know where to go, but you couldn't stand to be here anymore. Your legs took over the control, marching on their own. Suddenly you found yourself on one of the balconies heavily leaning on the railing. You slightly leaned over the edge looking down. The balcony was so high it made you nauseous. You pulled back to the safety. Spending most of the time in the library you've never gave much thoughts to heights at which you lived. You just occasionally had chance to stop and look out the window. Carefully you sat up on the railing back facing outwards. You tried to take deep breaths to calm down, to get through the pain and the shock. You tilted your head back watching floating clouds. As child you spent hours lying in the grass and watching clouds. It used to be so relaxing, but now you felt nothing, except emptiness. There was a bird flying high above you. You sighed. How beautiful it would be if you could fly. You'd took off flying far from this place, far from these people, far from him. What it must be like to feel so free and weightless. If you lean back little more, you could find out. It would be so nice to fly down, to never have to feel anything anymore. You knew you should be scared to even think about such things, but instead you felt numb.

 The bird was getting bigger as it flew closer. You closed eyes and leaned back more and more. Suddenly you felt so light, flying like that bird. Small smile formed on your lips and you stretched out arms like wings.

Azriel was flying back to the House of Wind when he noticed somebody leaning dangerously on the edge of railing on one of the highest balconies. It was strange, but he was tired so at first he didn't pay much attention to it. He looked away just for a moment and the person disappeared. His throat tightened. He immediately plunged headlong down, but he wasn't fast enough. The person was only few meters away from a certain death. He had to winnow. Stepping into shadows he reappeared few foots bellow the person stretching out arms to catch... HER! There was no doubt. It was Y/N. What happened? Why would she do something so horrible? What if he tries to catch her, but she slips through his hands and dies? He'd never been so scared in his entire life. If something were to happen to her, he'd never forgive himself. All sounds of the world disappeared, he could hear only own heart racing in his chest. It took just mere seconds, but it seemed to take forever. The moment her body collided with his, the time had stopped. He squeezed his eyes, muscles tensing, wings spreading to stop their fall.

When he finally dared to open his eyes, there she was safe in his arms, pressed to his chest. He breathed a sigh of relief.

[ladyescapism]

The Fourth Archeron Sister - Part 5

summary: the baby of the family, Deirdre Archeron, is growing up and finding herself. on place she has already found is in a unknowingly requited crush with a certain shadow singer. will they be able to find each other? or will expectations, honor, and other forces get in the way?

a/n: oh wow look at me - I can still write and post. crazy. I promise that I will be wrapping up this series and the fractured bonds series in the next few weeks/month or so. I have been dealing with some mental health issues so I thank you for your patience as I ease back into writing. nonetheless, enjoy!

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part 4

warnings: barely proofread, males being jerks 

wc: 1,450

DIERDRE

Deirdre had paled when she saw the gathered court.

“I didn’t want everyone to know at once.” Her voice sounded so timid in the family room with the entire court looking at her for any explanation. Rhys had called a family meeting to discuss what Cassian had heard from Azriel about your failed date. 

Feyre’s face clouded with anger and disappointment. Deirdre turned to Azriel to find his gaze elsewhere. His eyes found every other assembled member of the court - acting like an insult from Alex was a matter of court security. 

"It's good he told us, Deirdre. You could have been seriously hurt," Rhys chided. "Besides, insulting members of my family is not acceptable." 

She looked to Nesta. Her insistence that Cassian exercise restraint was the only reason he stood at her side, tension roiling in his body. 

Deirdre cast pleading eyes to her eldest sister. 

"Deirdre is right," Nesta agreed. "She told Az something private in confidence. She could have come to me when she was ready. A meeting about this is ridiculous." 

Nesta stood, slowly moving around her swollen belly. 

The words of contradiction rose in Feyre's throat but paused as Deirdre confirmed. 

"I was planning on asking to catch a flight to the House of Wind to do just that," Deirdre said. "I needed some time and then I was going to head up for lunch to tell Nesta privately." 

Deirdre put an aggressive emphasis on the last word. 

"I didn't think this a matter of court business. The words were spoken about Nesta and me. Beyond that, it should be up to us who knows about the situation." 

Deirdre didn't miss the look of hurt in Feyre's eyes. She had told Azriel first and planned on telling Nesta second. 

Rhys sighed. "Deirdre, Nesta - do you think there is anything to be done?" 

The sisters shared a glance, unspoken words passing between them. 

"It's my past that came back into Deirdre’s face," Nesta said in a hushed tone. "It's not fair, what he said. He was out of line. But I see no reason to jail him or beat him senseless." 

Anyone could see the objection rising in Cassian.

"Then we're in agreement," Feyre said in her High Lady voice. "The matter is settled." 

No one objected. 

~~~

Deirdre darted out of the family room. Embarrassment flooded her chest, and she didn't want anyone else chastising her or telling her what she should have done. 

A soft hand caught her by the arm before she could make her escape. 

It was Feyre. 

"I'm sorry about all of this," she started. "You should have been allowed to tell us this when you were ready and when you felt the time was right. Azriel was worked up and with the situation involving Nesta, he felt Cassian had a right to -" 

" He felt Cassian had the right?" Deirdre interjected boldly. "It was Nesta and her past that were mentioned. Not him. There was no insult to his character." 

"Yes, but," 

"But what?" 

"If you were mated you would understand. An insult to one is an insult to the other." 

Deirdre scoffed. "I don't have to be mated to understand that Nesta has a right to know about the situation from my mouth before Cassian heard it second hand." 

The males in question looked out from the study into the hall where the sisters argued. Rhys looked shocked. A fight between the two youngest sisters had never been heard of. The rage in Cassia's face and body was relaxing into contempt and concern.  

Azriel just looked ashamed. 

Good, Deirdre thought. He should be. 

~ ~ ~

         Deirdre stomped her way back to her apartment. She earned some confused looks from passing pedestrians – the mild insanity at the muttered curses she spoke to no one in particular. She intended each syllable to one male in particular. 

            She almost couldn’t believe the last hour. Being summoned to the River House with no warning about the reason beforehand. Only to arrive to face the reality that her desire to keep this situation private unless her sister deemed it important to share was completely ignored. She didn’t tell Azriel her plans to speak to her sister, but she shouldn’t have had to. 

            Deirdre wanted to get Nesta’s opinion before telling anyone – even Feyre. She wasn’t sure of her feelings, and she need time to sort herself out. But she knew that speaking to Nesta held an importance. She didn’t need to run to Feyre and Rhys or Azriel to tell her how to feel or react. She could do that on her own.

            She looked around her apartment. Deirdre’s hand twitched with the urge to throw something. She spun, looking for an innocent object to destroy. After she couldn’t find an item worth taking her anger out on, she stilled with her hands on her hips. 

            Hot, angry tears began to flow. She wasn’t sad for herself or Nesta. She was pissed. Pissed that a male who she trusted went behind her back, deciding for her that he knew better.  Deirdre spent the last five years treating Azriel as if he always acted the perfect male. 

            And yet for the second time in a week he proved that he didn’t think of her as an adult but a child whose instincts could not be trusted. 

“He’s here he’s here,” the shadows whispered. 

“Go away!” 

Azriel knocked at the door. 

Without thinking, she moved for the sound, nearly ripping the door off the hinges. 

“Am I a joke to you?�� she started. “Am I a child in your view?” 

“Deirdre, may I speak with you?” 

She didn’t slam the door in his face. She spun for the center of her living space, leaving the path open for him. The click of the door closing into place seemed to echo in the room. 

He had entered her space. Despite not turning to look at him, some instinct in her marked his presence. 

“Yes, Deirdre, I’m sorry that this escalated. I didn’t mean for this to get so out of hand.” 

“I told you not to tell Cassian!” She spun on him. He didn’t sound very sorry.

“You’re sorry that it escalated but not for the violation of my trust,” she pointed to her chest. “I had a plan, Azriel. I was going to tell Nesta. I was going to be with her when we told Cassian and Rhys and Feyre if she wanted to.”

“I didn’t know that when you told me I could leave, Deirdre. I thought I was helping.” 

“I didn’t ask for your help!” she forced out, exasperated at his presumption. “I didn’t know what I was feeling, I didn’t know what to do right away. My first instinct was to wait and tell my sister.” 

“You told me first.” 

“You practically forced it out of me!” 

“I did not force you, Deirdre. Do not accuse me of that.” She saw the anger rising in him. The use of force meant something different when it came to Az. 

“I was compelled,” she spat. 

“If you would have told me to leave, I would have.” 

“I wanted support, Azriel! I thought I could come to you, and you would help, if I asked, and that you would treat me like an adult.” 

“I have never treated you like a child, not in recent years anyways.” 

“What do you call this, then?” she insisted. “Going behind my back to tell my sister’s mate about what happened to me before I get the chance to explain anything to her myself? You call that treating me like an adult who can manage her own relationships, on her own time?” 

“Clearly you can manage relationships.” 

            Her heart fell. After his long speech about supporting her and saying that she had the capability to handle herself. Obviously, he just wanted her to stop yelling at him.  

            “Get out.” 

            “Deirdre, wait. I didn’t mean it like that.” 

            She moved away from him as he reached for her. Before he could register what her movements, she dipped down, snatched a book from the table, and threw it as hard as she could.  

            Azriel brought his arm up to block the tome from hitting him in the face. When he peered down at her from behind his raised arm, shock marred his fine features. 

            “I’ll go,” he resigned. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry, Deirdre.” 

            She turned her back to him, swiping the tears that began to fall so that he wouldn’t see. With the closing of the doors, she crumpled to the sofa. Her head fell to her hands and she began to sob. 

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