#...i'm actually going to go and change this now huh
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vmpivory · 3 days ago
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'cause you're just jealous and possessive.
Ⳋ୧ . heeseung ☆ f!reader / angst(?) + cw. tbh idk, nothing + 0.3k wc + now playing.. toxic till the end by rosé ── ( masterlist! )
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you'd driven this route countless times, but tonight, it felt different. you glanced at the rearview mirror, your own tired eyes staring back at you.
then you saw him. lee heeseung. his thumb raised and his bike that you could recognize easily, on the ground. you slowed the car, the screech of tires on the pavement slicing through the quiet night.
you shouldn't have. you shouldn't have stopped there, shouldn't have helped him go home, shouldn't have let that asshole and his broken bike in your car. but you did. ─ more under cut!
"need help?" you asked, rolling down the window just enough to let your voice escape but not enough to make it easy for him to see you fully. you were a mess, well, at least you thought so. but why should you cared anyways?
"yeah" he leaned down slightly, looking through the small gap in the window. "my bike's broken, and my phone's dead. can you give me a ride home?"
you hesitated. you wanted to keep driving, to leave him and his stupid bike. but you found yourself unlocking the door for him. "get in before i change my mind"
heeseung gave a faint smile, slid the bike into the passenger seat and settled in to cars front seat.
“what’s your address?” you didn't know why you asked that. you knew where he lived, you've been there a million times. he explained a location you recognized. you let out a quiet sigh, nodding as if you had a choice.
after a while you started driving, he tapped his fingers lightly against the window frame. “thanks,” he muttered after a while. when you didn't say anything back, he sighed and continued, "still mad at me, huh?"   "what did you think? of course i am dumbass!" he didn't respond after that. maybe it was the way you called him 'dumbass' or that he couldn't come up with a sarcastic response. "you know," heeseung said, breaking the silence "i didn't meant things to end with that and get so-" "please just.. don't." you were too tired to deal with this again. it was always the same conversation again. "i don't want to hear it. i don't need your excuses. i've listened to the same story over and over again and i'm tired of it. admit it, hee, you're just jealous. possessive. and honestly, i'm impressed at how long you've kept it up." "you called me hee."  "shut up, i meant heeseung."
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.vmpivory    ©    all rights reserved    ━    2025
AHHH FIRST FIC OF 2025!!! actually i wrote this so long ago but didnt have time to proofread and stuff lol. anyways enjoy <333
TAGLiST: @woniesprincess @orimuraa @heeaara
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thatbitchery · 2 days ago
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When it comes to society and hierarchy the most important thing to remember is hierarchy is completely dependent on behavior and is reinforced by rejection and seperation.
DO NOT BE FRIENDS WITH LOW LEVEL PEOPLE.
Storytime- to make up for the overabundance of time I suddenly have I decided to join an exclusive gym and do activities and all that plus gym is a great place to network especially with the local Pilates WAGS. I'm new so we do that thing where we sniff each other out to test for hierarchy and obviously I am smiling and acquainted with everyone for the first few days- leaving the door open to be friends and then taking a step back and letting them fall to me if they so wish. So today I decide to go swimming in the indoor pool and this G that I know is dating a pretty high level man and has a thriving business is changing, as we all are in the lockers, and suddenly she tenses up and its like huh. They play petty stupid kindergarten power games in the new rich and I thought by now I'd be used to it and then I turn and this CLEANER is throwing miss thriving dating a millionaire a stink eye and the girl is shivering under it. Not just her- a couple of them. I'm like huh. Drama. GOD I LOVE DRAMA so I lay back watch the scene unfold. It's a work of art this one and I'm fully invested. And it's so obvious what happened. With my eyes closed I could tell you exactly what happened, the girls were too friendly with her at the beginning making all sorts of allowances for her and leaving space for her to exist peacefully while pushing their desires away (Like you know when someone is cleaning the floor and you do that thing where you walk through like you're walking on lava? EW) and now she's being passive aggressive and it's unsafe for them. So you have the one paying top dollar for an exclusive experience shying from a medium wage underpaid overworked nobody from God knows where. & I've seen this dynamic play out for so long where the children of Oligarchs and literal royalty gets harrassed and pushed around by the children of mistresses and middle class people. I've done my fair share of bullying and harassing I know hoe to pick em, and I can tell you from the onset who is the omega and who is the sigma (alspha is always open space) and the desire to be liked by the low levels sits very high in the lists of indicators.
When someone with a safety marker (Power, beauty, money or status) plays nice with or even engages on a same level with the lower classes they become untrustworthy and immediately weak. The safety in these things in the unattainability of them, how removed they are- so when they become accessible they become weak and lose meaning and they punsih you for degrading yourself. Men can get away with it but women could never. The Serena Van Der Woodsen fantasy of a pretty rich girl is a lie. When people lower than you see you being friendly with them and sacrificing etc they try to steal your power by degrading you and sometimes they succeed. Candace Owens X Taylor Swift X Beyonce are a great example of this. Beyonce and Taylor did not establish their boundaries early in their careers and tried to be relatable and not Divas and vampires like Candace saw the opportunity and took it. Women like Rihanna and Nicki Minaj are the exact opposite of what Candace Owens preach but do you see her try her? While Beyonce and Taylor are so close to the christian Southern dystopian reality she wants so bad. Why? they made it very clear from day one they will run you up do not even try. They don't try to be relatable or cute or nice they throw it in your face yes I actually did say I'm better than you what about it? In the same way when pretty girls date broke ugly men they get run over becuase the men are punishing them for being weak and steal their power bc power can not be created, only transferred.
The more you make allowances for people the more they despise you. The Blair Waldorfs and Alison DeLaurentis of the world and mean girls have an easy time despite everyone acting like they can't stand them because they are not weak. I'm not saying go out of your way to be terrible like some insecure little idiot I'm saying do not make allowances if it's not required and let people serve you. Stop smiling too much and stop trying to make space for people. And stoppp trying to be friends with people lower than you, let them know the option is open and show them a glimpse of what it could be, then step back and let them work for it. People lower than you are jealous of you. they want to be you. That cleaning hipoppotamus broke ugly girl wants to be in that sauna, but she cant. So she makes it the problem of the people that are that will let her. And in that way, she feels bigger than them. And they let that happen the second they started randomly smiling and saying hi and calling her 'girl'. If they just walked in, did the gym, networked smart with their own level and went home, they wouldn't freeze over someone they probably could buy.
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daemon-in-my-head · 2 days ago
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Huh, let's do one of these again cuz I'm feeling some kinda way
Dark Urge Ask game - redeemed post epilogue funsies
If your Durge could change one, single thing, event, feature, just anything about their life, their body or their relationships, what would it be?
Do they ever miss the cult or Bhaal or wish they chose differently? How are we coping is what I'm asking.
How's shit with their LI going? Did they have one? Is it going well even after the post-epilogue party? What's the vibe here? Did they maybe even find a new partner?
What's it like being known as a hero? Do they enjoy it? Are they getting shy whenever they hear a bard recount their tales? Is it too overwhelming, and they decided to try and escape it?
How's our mental health? Did we get out unscathed, are we still tormented by nightmares? How do we cope with this little absolutely life changing journey we just went thru? Any lifestyle changes to deal with it?
Have we learned from the mistakes of our predecessors, or are we fully embracing the Abdel Adrian route? Are they trying to establish themselves as an influential figure or trying just to live a lovely little peaceful life?
How do they feel about never getting the majority of their memories back? Is it relief, that they won't remember what atrocities or mistakes they make or perhaps dread, because a Bhaalspawn undoubtedly made enemies and they'll never know who they are?
How's it going in terms of faith? Serving Jergal, another god altogether, are we faithless nowadays? What's the situation here?
How's the canon situation on a scale of 1 to 10? 1 being this could be part of a sourcebook, 10 being this is basically original fiction now.
Do any of the traits they learned in their old profession ever come in handy later down the line? Have they opened a clinic, do they get by as a mercenary, are they staying far away from everything even slightly connected to their past life?
Are they gonna reach the later half of their life expectancy or are we gonna have some sweet early demise going on here? Will they ever get to enjoy the fruits of their labour?
How exactly does loosing Bhaals essence impact a being created by him? We holding up well or barely scraping by?
Generally speaking, without saying much, what's the vibe here after it all ends? Tragedy, coffeeshop AU kinda vibe, rom-com, drama baby, slice of life or hero's quest?
Do they ever feel like they miss any of the other chosen? How much do they manage to recall? Are they beating themselves up over it?
What's their biggest struggle now that everything is over?
Also what's the greatest joy now that they're "free" (depends on interpretation ig)?
Was it worth it?
Do they ever meet any of the other tadfools again? Are they questing together once more? Do they purposefully stay away from some?
How are the others doing actually? What's Durges opinion on it? Do they think their old companions are doing well, are they glad about it or maybe even resentful? Do they ever even find out?
Any physical changes going on here compared to how they were before the whole 'defeat the brain' business? What are they? Is Durge handling them well or do they need a bit more time?
Now as for the fun part.... Do they ever remember what exactly they did with some of the other chosen? How awkward is it or are they proud of it? Does anyone else find out? Give me the tea dammit.
Does the skrunkly little tyrant ever make his way back into the picture in some way? What way exactly?
What happened to the physical prayer for forgiveness? Is it stored in a lil chest somewhere in their new home? Did it get burned? Did it get buried? What's going on here?
What happened to the stones? Where are they? Do they still exist? Remember most of the idiots only wanted the crown, nobody ever said something about those pretty gems that spend god knows how long with the others. Basically how freaky is Durge about them?
What happened to a bunch of very peculiar weapons such as; the Fabricated Arbalest, the Stillmaker, Bloodthirst, Crimson Mischief, Ketherics Warhammer, all that fun stuff.
What happened to the coat. Tell me. How's it doing. Where is it. What's going on?
Finally, last but not least. What is Durges biggest wish now? What do they strife to attain? Peace, happiness, the food they've been craving for a solid week now?
Wild card / Dealers choice.
Obligatory reminder how these work: ask prev when u reblog, be nice, this isn't strictly romantic, bla bla bla yk what I usually put here. Basically, have fun, go wild, be nice to your fellow brain rotters, make someone's day. We're all sane here. Promise.
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kissingmilfs · 14 hours ago
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"boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, partner" - ah. Okay. So they're fluid with it. I can work with that.
(I'm gonna be messy and ask. Has or would Mel call Sevika daddy? Or is that like a step too far for them both?)
it’s not too far because i said so! it actually made me think of ways Mel would call Sevika daddy so…here’s a drabble 🙂‍↔️
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
at first it started off as a silly joke. mel was curled up on sevika’s sectional with jinx on the opposite end. they were both half watching a reality show and fully listening to sevika help isha with math homework.
“ugh it’s math!” sevika exclaimed furiously at the stupid workbook in front of them. her fingers run through her hair in a frustrated manner. “why would they change math?!”
jinx and mel exchange knowing looks—both rising from the couch at the same time. jinx bends down to isha’s height and tells the little girl she will help if isha gives her some halloween candy. with a new math buddy, isha drags jinx into their shared bedroom.
mel watches them go with a faint smile on her face. she turns her concern to sevika. mel slips behind sevika, draping her arms over sevika’s shoulders.
“whats wrong, big daddy?” mel purrs teasingly near sevika’s ear while kissing her jaw. she feels sevika stiffen and her girlfriend grips Mel’s slim arms, pulling her forward a little more.
“don’t call me that when the kids around.” sevika growls lowly.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
mel hadn’t really thought of that moment for a long time. it happened a couple weeks ago and sevika hadn’t brought it up either. mel shrugged it off because she was only teasing but she respected sevika’s wishes when it came to her girls.
now mel stands in her kitchen wearing one of sevika’s shirts and her curls are tucked underneath a bonnet. sevika sleepily exits mel’s bedroom in boxers and a tank top, scratching her stomach and following the scent of food. sevika wraps her arms around mel’s waist and molds their bodies together. she cradles her chin in the crook of mel’s neck and shoulder.
“smells good…” sevika mumbles near mel’s ear.
mel chuckles softly and leans back into sevika’s arms. “thank you. should be done soon.”
sevika cheekily nips mel’s skin and her hands wander to her girlfriend’s stomach. “wasn’t talking about the food.”
heat rushes to mel’s cheeks. her movements over the stove momentarily pause before she gathers her senses again. “uh-huh…you woke up feeling frisky, hm?”
“had a dream you were pregnant.” sevika slips out casually as her lips leaves delicate yet heated kisses along mel’s neck. “you looked so fucking good carrying my baby.”
mel turns the stove off—sensing where sevika is going with her kisses and sharing her dream. “you want more kids?”
sevika laughs deeply and holds mel even closer. her hands on mel’s stomach tightens. “not necessarily. jinx is a brat and a half and we still have isha to take care of. doesn’t mean we can’t try.”
before mel can ask what sevika means by that—sevika firmly grips mel’s waist, and maneuvers mel over her shoulder. mel squeals her surprise. sevika’s prosthetic wraps around her waist keeping the woman secured on her shoulder. sevika playfully spanks mel’s ass.
“let big daddy show you what i mean.”
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ ⋆˖⁺
that’s how mel found herself for the rest of the night. turned and tossed in whatever position sevika deemed appropriate. mel’s fingers curled into the sheets as sevika’s hips snapped relentlessly into hers.
“say it, baby…say it for me..” sevika cradles the top of mel’s head so it’s not hitting the headboard.
mel’s lips, partially parted, with her thoughts leaking out of her and eyes glazed over. sevika’s soft command allows mel to mumble out through a whimper, “daddy…”
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aparticularbandit · 8 months ago
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Last Line Tag Game
tagged by @post-and-out
RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence (unless you're like me and write enough run on sentences to where you can't possibly tag that many people for words).
SO MINE is from a third draft, so it's not, strictly speaking, new words, but it is the last line of fic I wrote. So there.
Junko draws a gasp unbidden from her then pulls away, licks her lips, and hums when she says, “You taste like blood.”
Also not gonna tag over twenty people because, ah, nope. BUT. I will tag people!
@raevenlywrites, @eriquin, @princescar, @adhdavinci, @allofthebeanz
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egophiliac · 9 months ago
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Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !
Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)
I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!
someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)
uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE
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#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 4 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 4 spoilers#mel is so cute but mal fits with the rest of the draconias better#eng version no you were supposed to save me not make things MORE confusing#anyway raverne huh#that uh. that sure feels like it's supposed to evoke raven doesn't it.#what does it mean WHAT DOES IT MEAN#hold on i'm going to flail around embarrassingly about anime character theories now#(okay first a disclaimer: i do think we need to sit down as a fandom at some point)#(and have a discussion about exactly what is actual canon versus meta speculation versus jokes)#(because i think there has been. some confusion. over that re:crowley and raverne specifically)#(but i do feel justified in being like THEY ARE PROBABLY CONNECTED SOMEHOW RIGHT?! right now)#like i really don't think it's as simple as crowley being raverne but with memory loss or something#(and if they pull that on us i'm going to need an EXTREMELY good explanation to go with it to justify that)#they've gone out of their way several times now to make a point about them acting and sounding different and it feels very intentional to m#(and once again: i super 100% absolutely do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him with the top half of his face covered)#i just think the contradictions are a lot stronger than the connections right now but there ARE some connections and i'm 👀ing at them#to be fair the connections are mostly meta like crowley being diablo/raverne being evocative of raven#also the general 'raverne mysteriously disappeared and apparently had distinctive eyes' thing#versus 'crowley's past is unknown and he never shows his eyes'#(i will argue that crowley DOES seem to have some kind of canon connection to briar valley)#(since he is clearly some sort of fae and the masks are a briar valley thing)#and that is kinda it right now isn't it#okay hold on i had to delete some tags because i used too many (thanks tumblr for letting me know and not just vanishing them OH WAIT)#so tl;dr: i'm in the 'crowley is connected to raverne somehow but it's more complicated than just him being in disguise' camp personally#but that will probably change as we get more info and also don't take this as an anti-speculation thing because i love theories HOORAY
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skibasyndrome · 4 months ago
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.
#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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douwatahima · 3 months ago
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y'all ever read a book and spend the whole time so engrossed in solving the main mystery that when a second mystery (seemingly so inconsequential you didn't think to question all the clues leading up to it) reveals itself to you it bowls you over so intensely you start yelling and pacing around the room like an insane person?
anyway read voyage of the damned by frances white
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moe-broey · 6 months ago
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Why did I start like three other projects when I was already working on a big project when I just got hit with the autism exhaustion beam (requires. At least One Full Day just dead in bed, and then some more Taking It Easy time after)
#i don't even know what prompted it...#hit w a vision. not enough time to execute it. hit w a vision. too tired to execute it.#i guess technically it was just two huh. but all the moving parts made the other one feel like two in and of itself#oh. now i remember there was another shitpost behind it. i just. didn't get to.#thinking about bruno... thinking about anna... thinking about the fairies... thinking about mirabilis specifically actually#she gets the short end of the stick characterization wise and it's such a shame.#to the point where i was unsure what to do w her... i think i got some ideas rattling around though#I CAN... GIVE HER.... SO MUCH MORE.... without changing too much about her. i just need to extrapolate.#hits her w the disability beam. idk if it's also autism but she has some sort of chronic condition#that just makes you. so tireds. moe and mira shaking hands. let's lay down and rest together.#also thinking about the subtle differences between a full dream and a daydream... between sleeping and just resting#and. making her kitty coded. she is such a kitten pile type girl. she is such a lap cat. queen of catnapping#which i'm thinking works really well w peony and even sharena. not so much moe though 😭💔#i want to capture a playful side. and maybe even a 'i'm still figuring out how i feel about that' side to her#like... i'm imagining peony as someone who's surprisingly insightful and emotionally intelligent.#she's got it all figured out. she already knows. she's not always right. but she tends to know what's up#i'm thinking... maybe mira isn't quite there yet. or struggles to see outside of herself. for obvious/understandable reasons#but she has that unwavering desire for joy and comfort the way peony does. she may feel a pang of jealousy here and there#but it doesn't get in the way of her goals and wants for others. which may be the defining factor actually#like obviously this could get messy if you simplify it too much into 'good' or 'bad'. bc all these girls are DIRECT reflections#of each one's trauma response. assigning morality to that is fucked up. but for story purposes... maybe freyja/freyr did. to a degree.#bc maybe they're flawed and fucked up too. it's about The Cycles. i'm getting so lost in the sauce though LMFAOO#i am GOING to do SOMETHING. for mirabilis. mark my fucking words.
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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago
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what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
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keeps-ache · 4 months ago
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yippee woohoo :3
#just me hi#pfp; changed 💥#might tweak it later but mm prolly not lol#//anywho i do have a couple things i wanna talk about;#so i'm still trying to figure out how to use this mp3 player - not that i can't work it but the downloading process is confusing pfshv#cuz firstly the past couple times i've gone to use the downloader on my computer but i went to the 'backup and retrieval' thing for so i d#past the retrieval thing bc. i didn't have files to retrieve. and it was true but it Was frustrating hfsvhg#now here's the neat thing: i had somehow pinned the backup and retrieval center for the app instead of the actual app. which worked as it#was meant. but by some weird weird mistake i. Well#it was a nice discovery at least lmfsvh :)#/and also it's gotten colderrrrrr YAYY#which means i leave the window open while sleeping YIPPEEE#absolutely sucks having it open in the summer and i sleep v awesomely when it's open in the winter so Yyyyyyey :33#also means more than half of my clothing is now safely wearable YAAAY#downside. can't wear chanclas anymore <////3#i mean i could but i like to know my toes are still attached sometimes. it's just a little comforting to know pfhsvbhg#upside i get to wear my snowboots again at some point YAAAAAAYYY#man i really only wear like 2 pairs of shoes huh#also hopefully i get to enjoy winter this year cuz it does feels like getting dragged into the Lagoons by every force of nature for some#reason but i am going to glean my spirits regardless so EHEGH#//oh i also got a haircut :33 my mom is getting better at cutting the kind of style i like and i don't mind if she messes up (i would like#to experience Bad Hair please [grab hands]) but she kept measuring it and then muttering behind my head 'so that's jacked up' LFBVHS#ma you won't survive as a barber hgkfjsvk <3#//oo i've gotta poot pa toof#toodles ehe :3
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seaofreverie · 4 months ago
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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billpottsismygf · 4 months ago
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#psyching myself up to try and watch the new series of heartstopper#I don't make a lot of personal posts these days and it feels easier to talk about this in the tags for some reason now - like I'm whisperin#but series 2 absolutely wrecked me in a way that is not entirely healthy#isaac's storyline is just a bit too close to home for me and I became a bawling mess every single time he was on screen#and not in a cathartic way. in a like I am dredging up the trauma of growing up aroace without having fully come to terms with it yet way.#I've come such a long way with slowly starting to feel pride in being aroace even in just the last few months#that I wondered if I'd actually be fine with it this time. I even considered rewatching s2 in preparation. turns out I'm not fine.#I watched a recap of s2 to try and remember what happened and uhhhh that clip of isaac rejecting that love interest in the bookshop#(with the novel loveless blurry in the background) has already brought up emotions.#then I thought I'd scroll some spoilers in his character tag just to prepare myself for what would happen with him this season#and just reading posts (mild spoilers here) about him being proudly aroace have sent me into paroxysms of sobbing yet again so....#I've honestly come such a long way in the last few years and the last few months. I'm even talking about it on tumblr now.#but I guess most of my work on that front has been accepting the present and the future of not having or wanting a partner.#whereas there's still a lifetime of trauma from the way it made me feel in the past#both growing up feeling alienated and having no idea what was different about me and the extent to which I tried to make it not be true#for years after first having an inkling of it being a possibility. I would have done anything to make myself alloromantic.#(the realisation of asexuality came later and was more of a 'huh I guess that makes sense' thing lol)#and even though I no longer want to change this fact about who I am#I guess I'm more traumatised by it all than I consciously realised. genuinely thought I'd be fine at this point.#anyway ramble over. I'm actually not sure if I should watch the new season or not. will it be helpful to work through the emotions?#or just re-traumatise me? felt more like the latter last time so hmmm.#guess I'm going to have to think about it.#it feels ridiculous that such a fluffy show - in which the character in question is pretty minor - should provoke such a reaction#but there you go#mine#tag chat#personal
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anonyanonymouse · 5 months ago
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🙈
#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭
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guinevereslancelot · 8 months ago
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my roses have buds, the blueberries have green fruits 😌 it really is june 💙
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dadbots · 1 year ago
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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