#...I mean their trash but not trashy. anyone? just me. okay.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for arguing with someone over ships?

🧀⛵ so i can find this later

Yes, this is ship discourse AITA #294729472 you can scroll away, english isn't my first language, my apologies.

So I (16M (But 13-14 at the time)) am in a very niche fandom. As in, we didn't have any new content for the past 5 years and media is old af (2013), very few fans, most of us know each other already.

I used to have these mutuals Cheese (Not their real name) (around my age i think?? I can't remember) and Breadstick (Not his real name) (18M).

We all had our little ships, ok? I like the little (dumbass golden retriever boy) x (badass traumatized man) ship, Cheese liked the little (badass traumatized man) x (literally the same thing but evil and abusive) and Breadstick liked both ships.

I met Breadstick before meeting Cheese so we were already friends before i met Cheese. I thought "Cool, another person likes this little niche thing i'm hyperfixated on!" So we became mutuals.

I didn't anticipate that we would argue about ships, but oh well. So, i'm a very chill person regarding ships, literally any, although i do have NOTPs, i'm not really toxic about my hatred, i just go "Ah, not my thing" and scroll away not without blocking the person, but really nothing personal and no hard feelings, i can perfectly be friends with someone who loves my notp.

In fact, that was the case with Cheese. They shipped my NOTP, like A LOT. But I was okay with it, i mean these are just characters and all we're doing is being silly. I didn't take this THAT seriously. However, when I seemed to talk about my ship, Cheese seemed uncomfortable in some way.

When I was talking about my fankid (call me cringe idc) of my OTP, Cheese got very confused and asked who was i talking about. Breadstick came in and introduced my fankid to them, since he knew about it before. Cheese just started being rude, literally saying swear words (Not against them but, the context didn't really call for it? No one was being mean or mad), saying, and i quote as best as i can, "I don't know what the fuck made you think i knew who the hell [Fankid] was".

I got very mad about it, so i privately dm'ed Breadstick about Cheese's attitude. We began trash talking about them, which, i admit was a very trashy thing to do and definitely asshole material™.

Reason why may i be the asshole: over time, Breadstick just started complaining a lot about Cheese, and I could honestly agree, it came to the point of us disliking them to some degree but not telling them and not breaking the mutual, that could be considered two faced behavior.

This was partly influenced because of another incident. So Cheese and Breadstick where rambling about an OT3 (3 person ship) they had in common, basically sharing ideas and stuff. I thought it would be fun and went "Hey, I have an OT3 too, maybe i should post about it too". So I went and posted about it, but Cheese felt very uncomfortable with that, since basically my OT3 was exactly like Cheese's OT3 but one character is different, "basically".

They said "You have your thing, let US have ours". Felt bad and honestly, maybe i shouldn't have intruded their ot3 rambling. I didn't expect such negative reaction out of them.

In other occasions they complained about me posting a little too much about my ship, even though they did the same thing with theirs. And they also had a mutual that said "If you ship [this character] you suck and i fucking hate you. [character] is too abusive to be shipped with anyone and you can't just make an AU, that would just change him as a character completely" which, dear god, that language wasn't needed, right?. And despite that crazy person saying that, Cheese agreed with their take, despite literally shipping the character in question with another one. And abusively too, which like you do you, lord knows i do that too, but agreeing with a take like that while doing exactly what it is complaining about is weird. On the other side, that person wasn't my mutual, so it's unrealistic of me to expect Cheese to control their mutuals over me, Cheese can mutual whoever they want, but i can still be weirded out right?

That is without including them telling other people to kill themselves over shipping, so it was clear that Cheese took this shipping thing seriously while me and Breadstick to some degree didn't. Honestly another reason why i might be an asshole, clearly they felt their otp was personal and me not liking it + ignoring it caused a bad environment, mala mía, but what else could i have done?

So, clearly Cheese is kind of an asshole to some degree. But i think what makes ME an asshole too is when I trash talked behind their back and cut them off way later than i should've. And also, i guess i shoved my ship down their throat taking by how mad they were about it? I didn't do it intentionally though and i could definitely say they did the same thing too when 80% of the fandom and character tags was them posting about their ship. Again, small niche fandom for old unpopular media, we are keeping it alive ourselves.

What are these acronyms?

[p-redux]

Just a question, a serious one, for you or anyone else here. Sorry, this is a long post.

If you are totally okay with whoever S wants to date and you are just happy for him, then why do you allow people on your blog to trash these women? I know a couple of the women he's supposed to have dated have done some things to and/or said some things about Sam that were bad. But most of them still follow him (if they did before) and most of them have said nothing bad about him. Why not defend them? We don't know for sure which of them he dated casually, more seriously, or at all. It's mostly conjecture. Why are the women always attacked?

If we all do really love Sam and his work AND support whatever type of love life he chooses, then why do we look for every bad trait about the women associated with him? I do think a couple of them maybe wanted him for his money or fame, but all of them didn't do that. Sam is a grown-ass man, and while I do think he is a nice and sweet people pleaser, I don't think he is gullible enough to only go out with women who want to use him or who are trashy. It's terrible for women to attack other women when the only reason they do it is based on conjecture.

I know many here won't agree with me, but when I look at Katie , Abbie, and Mackenzie I don't see fake, plastic , bougie women. There are others we have seen him with who also don't look that way. Why would we assume he's attracted to those types? Just because he looks at or follows women who might fit that type, doesn't mean that's the type of woman he really wants a relationship with. The women I see on IG often just remind me of what has always appeared in men's' magazines, it's just easier now to post your own photos. Much of that is fantasy and men are really visual.

Personally, I just don't believe he has dated every woman associated with him in the last 10 years. I just don't. I also don't believe he has dated someone if we have no actual proof. Being around someone, friends with someone, hanging out with someone, having a meal with someone doesn't always mean dating them. Everyone jumps to conclusions EVERY SINGLE TIME he is rumored to be connected to a woman. I have even read where Sam said there are numerous scenarios about who he has dated or is dating and many of them aren't true.

Sure, it's fun to speculate. But when it moves to attacking these women, that's too far. We don't know Sam or any of these women personally- at least most of us don't. We only know what they may share on SM. I find it appalling the ugly, hateful things I have seen written about Karina Elle and Monika Clarke in the last year or so, for example. Unless someone here has more proof than I have seen - real proof- we don't know IF or how long he actually dated either of them. We don't know if he dated one, but not the other. We don't know if he dated them both at the same time. Only Sam and the women know for sure. Without irrefutable proof, we don't know what happened between them. Someone dropping an anon that he was at a football game with his hands on KE's ass, or that he was spotted in Brooklyn with a tall, beautiful brunette shopping but with NO photos just isn't proof. I'm sorry, but if you can hang around a location long enough to KNOW it's Sam and KNOW the identity of the woman, you can get a photo. I know many say they didn't take a photo because they didn't want to invade their privacy. Well if that's true, then why post about it on a fan blog???? I would guess that any fan who may have seen him with a date and asked for a photo with him- who genuinely likes and respects Sam-- probably knows who he was with and has chosen not to post it anywhere out of respect for Sam and the woman.

I fan over him too. Sometimes I love the speculation too. But these women are real human beings and we need to remember that. And if we love and respect Sam, we need to respect his own choices. He doesn't need my permission to date or care about any woman. But if I respect him, I shouldn't trash a woman he chooses to spend time with.

Anon, you've mistaken me for some other blogs. This is PURV, one of my number one rules for my blog is that I don't allow any hate toward Sam or Cait OR Tony OR any woman Sam dates. I delete hate comments other people may have left on my posts, and I warn the person that if they do it again, I'll block them. Sometimes, people will reblog a post and leave a hate comment, but there's nothing I can do there because I can't delete a reblog. But the person will automatically get blocked.

So, please pay better attention or realize you're mistaking me for other blogs, I don't tolerate hate for the women Sam dates at all. If anything, out of respect for him. If he picks a woman to date, then he must find qualities in her he likes, and that's good enough for me. Whatever and whoever makes him happy, I'm happy for him. Simple as that.

As for your specific comment about not knowing whether Karina or Monika dated Sam. Um, the sighting at the football game was not an Anon. It was an identifiable real person who was at the game and saw them together and their interactions. A source I directly talked to. She has no horse in this race, no reason to lie. I got the info from her directly and I know her full identity. So, there is NO doubt her sighting was real. As for Monika, there are PICS of Sam and Monika KISSING at a restaurant in New York. And I also DMed with the photographer who TOOK the pics. He confirmed neither Sam or Monika's people called him. He's a photographer active in New York and gets around a lot. The pics are real and the kiss was real.

So, while you're right that there are some women associated with Sam where it's only speculation with no proof...the two you mentioned there IS proof. And plenty of others as well. Simply search my blog or do a Google Search. There's more proof for Karina and Monika than the two instances I mentioned. And he didn't date them at the same time.

And to reiterate: I, Purv, DO NOT allow any hate on my blog toward ANY woman Sam dates. And certainly no hate for Cait's husband, Tony. Apparently that wasn't clear to you. I hope it is now. Sorry to be pissy, but it's annoying seeing this first thing in the morning, when I've literally made it my blog's work to NOT hate on any of Sam or Cait's significant others. I'm one of the few blogs who sets this boundary.

Have a nice day, Anon, but please, if you're going to take the time to write such a long Ask, do your research first before accusing someone of something FALSE. Thank you.

Happy Monday, everyone! 🙄🙃

[loser-brain]

If you have not seen this post goin' around about not giving permission to allow people to take your work and put it into an ai against your wishes. There's the post.

Let's talk about this user's close-minded brain that they left in the replies.

The fact that they believed they are saying "Facts" is pathetic. They even answer a question from anon who believes they are saying facts.

Hey come here, have you ever heard of... plagiarism? It's a fancy word for theft. Especially in a creative field mostly used in writing.

My fellow lovelies, it's that time again.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO SLAUGHTER ANOTHER BIGOTED IDIOT IN THE CREATIVE FIELD >:D

Ai aka Artificial intelligence, what the hell is that? Glad you ask, I don't know, but in simpler terms, it's code that replicates and learns. The more you interact with it and correct its errors the more it will realize and perfect its code. IT'S NOT ALIVE. It's simply following a code that involves something along the line like us which is growth.

Using ChatGPT for fun is alright. Using ChatGPT or OpenAi to finish a story that is not yours... is not alright. That is where a line has been crossed. A line that violates Fair Use.

And since the majority of AO3 users are not putting their work behind a paywall, it still falls under fair use.

OH but it's a fanfic, we can do whatever we like with it!

WRONG. Fan-fictions falls under copyright laws. So in other words. Y'all are violating our rights by putting them into an Ai. get fuck.

BOOM! BANG! AND HERE'S ANOTHER THING! Ai, in the US, have to have the permission of the original author to have their work used in the testing to improve the Ai ability.

SO GET FUCK AGAIN

Okay now that the facts are done. Like I'm serious, it's done, got any questions, shoot me an inbox. Now we dissect this person's close mind dumb reply.

FYI, everyone is like, destroying this person. I'm serious, oof I do not want to be this person. I still kinda remember the last person that spoke dumbness, but about art. Remember that person, damn, they really got my blood boiling at like... oh hey, it's 3 in the morning... This must be fate.

SO LET'S BEGIN!

"I mean alright but at the same time, Maybe it's a sign you should finish your fanfictions 🙃"

Damn, someone has a lot of time on their hand. And as someone who does has a lot of time on my own hands, I still can't fully finish a fic. Wanna know why, because I'm tired. Like there would be days where my brain goes somewhere and I'm left with trash. I'm feelin' trashy, I'm feelin' moody, I'm even feelin' lost. It's normal to feel empty and want to fill it but don't have the energy for it. So maybe instead of being an ass to people and forcing them to finish something they can't at the moment. How about, maybe, you should stop being an ass and let people take their time 🙃.

"Like, if a fic has been abandoned for at least over a year, I feel like it's ok"

Everyone, repeat after me, fan fiction is protected under the copyright laws.

"Cause like, you clearly aren’t gonna finish it, why should it be left unfinished?"

Who's gonna tell em'? Anyone? *sees you raising your hand in the back, ignores you* Alright, I will! So like, do you not have imagination? Like do you not just, lay there in the grass under a big tree, letting the wind touch upon your cheekbone, and just... dream about the story. Like, don't you just read a volume of a book and just, imagine what happens next. Once you are done reading that volume of the book, don't you just anticipate what happens next in the story? Don't you have those moments where you thought about whether a character was going to die or live? Whether they save the day or not? Cause if you don't then damn, that's sad. You're sad. Like shit man, I'm sad but oof, that's even sadder than me.

"Now I don't think anyone has the right to post that work anywhere cause it's not yours."

OMG, I'M SO PROUD-

"But getting an AI to finish a work that *you have no intention of finishing* isn't really wrong in my opinion."

I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU AND NOW LOOK AT YOU. YOU IDIOT. Once again, say it with me now, fan fiction is protected under the copyright laws. So in other words, THEY CANNOT PUT YOUR WORK INTO AI WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT/PERMISSION. god fuckin' damn it. So close, you were so fuckin' close.

"If you are gonna finish it, make that clear"

HOW!? No, tell me how. How the fuck is someone who is using their free time to write a fic is gonna make it clear for you to understand that is their work and they get to choose whether they can work on it or not. Huh? It's fanfic, it's one thing when a users ask the author to continue the story because that is a thing that writers do. There is a group of people that would take over the fic and finish it for the author if the author just does not have time to finish it.

It's another when a user just blatantly takes it and shoves it into an Ai because AHAHAHA IT'S A FANFIC IT'S NOT PROTECT UNDER ANYTHING. WRONG BITCH IT COUNTS AS A FANWORK. Therefore it falls under fair use and copyright.

Writing is more complex to tell whether plagiarism exists in it. But we're no longer talking about plagiarism if you are just shoving it into an ai machine. You see, that is a violation of OUR copyright. OUR fair use. OUR work.

Oh but what about intellectual property? Are y'all putting your work behind a paywall? no, then it's fine. You still have the power to protect your work. So instead of believing this person thinking they are spilling facts... do a simple Google search. Is fanfiction protected by copyright law?

It's fanwork. Therefore, yes. Yes, it is.

Just gonna casually edit this: The commentators have learned what they did/said was wrong.

This is not a debate post. I'm stating facts that your work is protected and in the US you got to have the author's permission to put their work into Ai tech/machines. If you don't have their permission then it's a violation of their right.

[chimerickat]

Chapter 1

“What kind of girl do you think my brother likes?” 

You looked up from your textbook to give Mokuba a raised eyebrow. “Girls? I was under the impression that your brother went for something with scales.” 

“Ha. Ha,” Mokuba deadpanned. “But seriously! I’m trying to come up with a list of things he’d like… and it’s really hard.” 

If you knew what Seto Kaiba liked in a woman… well, you’d make good use of that information. You frowned, pretending to think about it. As if you didn’t ponder on it all too often. “Blue eyes?” Mokuba started writing, and you almost felt bad about where you were going with this. “Very, very fair skin. Like white. Let’s just say white like a crayon. Wings. She’s gotta have wings.” 

You grinned as Mokuba stopped writing to glare at you. He tore the page out of his notebook, balled it up, and threw it at you. You knocked the paper ball off to the side and watched it hit the ground. Then you leaned forward. “You’d better get that before someone takes a picture of you littering.” 

“You’re the worst friend.” He got up to grab the paper before shoving it into his bag, presumably to throw it away later when his bag was too full of trash to function. 

You didn’t want to ask why Mokuba wanted you to speculate on what his brother liked. Showing too much interest in his brother might tip Mokuba off to the very secret fact that you were way too interested in his brother. At the same time, you really wanted to know. “Why are you trying to figure out what your brother might like anyway?” You looked back down at your textbook, pretending to work, pretending that you didn’t really care about the answer. 

“He needs someone.” 

You were alert. “He said that?” 

“No.” Mokuba shrugged. “But he’s so obsessed with work right now. And now that I’m not home as much, I don’t think he’s eating. I think having a girlfriend would be good for him.” 

You looked around the library as you leaned on the table. Nobody seemed to be in earshot, but you didn’t want to be the cause of the next trashy article. You gestured for Mokuba to lean closer to you. “Do you even know if he’s into girls?” After all, his obsession with that Yugi Motou person hadn’t been too fabricated in the papers… You’d always wondered. 

“Well, shit.” Mokuba threw his pen down on the table as he leaned back. “No. I mean, I assume he is… but he’s never… well, I’ve never seen him with anyone.” He looked around at the library. “I think I may need your help.” 

“Help setting your brother up with someone? I don’t have a death wish.” You also really didn’t want to. Mokuba couldn’t have come up with a crueler task. 

“Please?” Mokuba gave you his best puppy eyes. “I know that you don’t really care about my brother, but do it for me? I’m really worried about him.”

“No, Mokuba. No.” You stared him down, unmoved by the eyes he was making. He was wrong about why you wouldn’t help. “I don’t have time to go searching for a magic unicorn that could tempt Seto Kaiba. Take him to a bar or something.” 

“You know he would never.” 

You nodded. You did know that. It was why you’d suggested it. “I don’t know what to tell you, Mokuba. Buy him a puppy?” You checked the time. It wasn’t time for your next class, but you couldn’t let Mokuba convince you to help him. You needed out of this conversation. “I’ve gotta head across campus for my next class. I’ll see you later.” You piled all your stuff into your bag. 

“Yeah. I’m picking you up tonight?” 

You stared at him for a moment, and then you remembered that your roommates were having a party tonight. The joys of finishing midterms early. “I guess.” You weren’t in the mood for more of Mokuba trying to matchmake his brother, but you’d be able to study and sleep at his place. 

He grinned, probably planning all the ways he could convince you to help him in his dumb quest. “Okay. See you at seven or do you want to have dinner together?” 

“No. Seven is fine.” You shouldered your bag. “Bye.” It was hard to pretend you weren’t upset, and your goodbye came out snappier than you intended. You hurried away before Mokuba could say anything. Hopefully he would forget by tonight. 

Later that night, you threw an overnight bag into Mokuba’s backseat and hoped he would move on to a new subject. 

“I tried talking to Seto’s assistant today. She didn’t know anything either.” 

Well that would be a no. “Mokuba, if you don’t know anything about your brother’s preferences… literally nobody else will.” Maybe if you hammered the point home enough, Mokuba would give up on this. “If he isn’t interested in dating, you won’t be able to convince him otherwise. Maybe he’s happy with the way things are.”

“He’s not happy!” 

You grabbed the door as Mokuba revved the engine and cut around another driver. You knew that Mokuba worried too much about his brother. It was normal for Mokuba to get distressed anytime he really talked about him. You wanted to be a good friend and help Mokuba out. 

But his plan was dumb on so many levels, and you refused to go along with it.  

“Did something happen recently?” you asked, wondering if something had triggered this. 

“He’s…” Mokuba sighed. “It’s a long story.” 

That was code for, ‘It’s a story I won’t tell you’. You were used to Mokuba being private about his brother, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. “Well, let me know if you want to talk about it.” 

“I do want to talk about how we can find people for him to meet.” 

“Fair.” You shifted in the seat, trying to think of ways to turn this conversation to anything else. “When did this turn into finding people for him though? I’m not sure your brother is the harem type.” 

“No. But you’re right that I don’t know his type. So I was thinking maybe if I found different people that I think he’d like… I could set him up on dates and maybe one would work out?” 

Multiple people… all on dates with Seto Kaiba… You felt your stomach roll at the thought. “Now you sound like some sort of matchmaker.” You tried to keep your tone light. It was a joke. You were joking about this. You weren’t feeling sick at the thought at all. 

And Mokuba chuckled. “Hopefully I will be.” 

You told yourself it would all be pointless in the end. Seto Kaiba didn’t like people. Mokuba couldn’t find anyone to interest his brother. 

Mokuba began talking about things he thought his brother would appreciate. Intelligence was, obviously, the biggest thing he would look for, but he also thought his brother might enjoy having someone with the same interests as him. You gave him just enough of a response to keep him babbling on as you tried to turn your face into stone. You did not need to give away your pathetic feelings on the matter. 

When Mokuba pulled into his driveway, you felt relief. Finally this conversation could end! “Don’t you have a midterm tomorrow, too?” 

“Yeah, but it’s no big deal.” 

This was one of those times where his ability to just get good grades made you jealous. “Well, help me study then. You can quiz me.” 

“Wait, let me get that!” Mokuba rushed around the car to grab your things before you could get them out of the backseat.”I can’t let a lady carry this heavy bag!” 

You just rolled your eyes. Protesting was pointless so you followed Mokuba into the mansion and up to the guest bedroom that had become your usual place to stay. “I still think you should move in with us,” he said as he dropped your things on the bed. 

“Yeah, I can’t afford the rent on a place like this.” Also, you would be so uncomfortable living under the same roof as Seto Kaiba… if he even allowed it to happen. 

“Free? You can’t afford free?” 

“Nope. I’m that poor. Besides, what if you start dating the beautiful Tris? I can’t imagine she’d like you living with some other woman.” You grabbed your textbook and your laptop. “Library? You are going to help me study, right?” 

“Yeah… um… speaking of Tris…” Mokuba looked off to the side and rubbed one of his shoulders. “She kind of… we have a date tonight doyoumindifIditchyouforabit?” 

“Mokuba you jerk! When were you going to tell me?!” You felt the urge to throw something at him, but the objects in your hands were too heavy. His guilty expression told you he’d intended to keep it a secret. “No! Were you just going to go to the bathroom for a few hours again?” 

“I mean it was an idea‒”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUSLY SICK!” 

He held out his hands. “Jeez. Calm down.”

“No!” What a jerk. You’d wandered around the mansion for a good thirty minutes concerned that he needed you to call someone for help only to find out that he’d snuck out on you. You were still mad about it. “What am I supposed to do without you?! Twiddle my thumbs?”

“Study? I thought you had a lot of work to do for your midterms?” He grinned, but you didn’t return the smile. “C’mon,” he begged, “you would have pretended to find somewhere else to stay if I’d told you, and I don’t want you falling asleep in the library.” 

“Fine.” You turned around with a huff. “I’ll just be here looking for the best blackmail material to sell.” You stormed off to the library knowing he would follow. 

He popped up next to you, easily keeping up with his longer legs. “I think you have plenty of sellable material at this point.” 

You just glared at him. “Maybe your brother would like to know some of it.” 

Mokuba just laughed, knowing full well that you knew the story of what happened to the Blue Eyes Jet. “I doubt he’ll be home anytime tonight but good luck.” 

Well, that was good news at least. You could avoid making a fool of yourself if Seto Kaiba weren’t here.

Then again… it was hard to resist the impulse to raid his room for a t-shirt like the lunatic that you were... “You really shouldn’t trust me alone here,” you mused aloud. 

Mokuba shrugged. “I mean we have security so it’s not like you can do too much damage.” 

Right. Security. How could you ask where the cameras were located without seeming suspicious? Surely there weren’t any in the bedrooms… 

“They could see if I snuck into your room and shredded all your clothes?” 

He scoffed. “We both know you wouldn’t.” 

Well, that didn’t answer the question at all. “If I don’t, it’s only because you can easily afford more.” 

As the two of you entered the Kaiba library, you looked around and took a deep breath. This room never failed to make you feel both joy and envy at the same time. It had walls and walls of books with both couches and desks to choose from. There was even a massive window with its own bench to relax on. The only thing missing was a fireplace.

Well… and someone to snuggle up to as you read… but honestly, that was so far removed from possible reality that you weren’t sure it could even be called a fantasy. 

“Ok. I guess you can leave now if you need to,” you said as you spread your stuff out across a desk. 

Mokuba checked his phone. “No, it’s cool. I still have some time before our date.” He sat down in one of the chairs with a grin. “I’m taking her to that place with the rooftop bar but our reservation isn’t until a little later.” 

“Oooooh fancy.” Now this was a conversation you could get behind. You slid into a chair next to Mokuba. “When did you get the guts to ask her out? And how come I didn’t get a text immediately?” 

“Uh, it only just happened today actually. I ran into her when I was leaving the library, and she actually recognized me!” 

You rolled your eyes. Who wouldn’t recognize Mokuba?

“No, she recognized me from our class!” he defended, apparently able to read your mind. “She asked me about the midterm, and we started talking. She said she was done with midterms so I asked her to come celebrate with me tonight.” 

“Nevermind that you aren’t done,” you interrupted. 

He just waved a hand at you. “She said yes! So I called that place and begged for a reservation.” 

“It is a nice place for a date. What are you planning to wear?” 

“Jeans and a dress shirt?” He winked. 

You gave him a thumbs up. “You’ve been learning, and you’re picking her up yes?” 

He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “You think you have to ask.”

You lifted your hands in surrender. “Sorry. You were just such a caveman when we met.” You sighed. “I guess you probably should get ready though.” You looked at the books that you didn’t want to open and then back at Mokuba. “Can I help?” 

He just shrugged. “I only need to change shirts really, but you can tell me what you think of my plans for the date.” He led you off to his room, filling you in on the rest of his plan as you used him to put off studying. It was nice to have him distracted away from the subject of his brother, and you encouraged him by letting him know his plan was a good one. After all, a romantic dinner on a rooftop terrace surrounded by twinkle lights? Tris would melt. You knew that you would. 

As Mokuba got dressed in his walk-in closet, you noticed a pink thing sitting on top of his display case. Curious, you stood up and pulled it off to unfold it for a better look. It was a pink jacket that you didn’t think would fit Mokuba. 

“What’s this?” you asked as he emerged from the closet. 

Disgust took over his face. “Ugh, Lily left it here last time I saw her.” 

“Oh.” You dropped the jacket as if it had a disease. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Both of you had blocked her number after she had repeatedly tried to convince Mokuba to date her again. But that had been months ago. “Why do you still have it?” 

He shrugged. “I just haven’t tossed it out yet, I guess. I dunno. I didn’t really even realize it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Can you just throw it in the trash in my bathroom?” 

“Sure.” You scooped up the jacket and carried it into his massive bathroom. As you dumped it into the trash, you hoped Mokuba wasn’t still hurt from that particular breakup. It had been nasty. 

On your way out, you grabbed his brush. “Tame your hair,” you ordered as you tossed the brush to Mokuba. 

He scoffed but used the brush anyway. You assessed his outfit. It was basic, but he looked good in it. Other than his hair, he didn’t need anymore work to look nice. “I guess I better actually get to work then?” 

Mokuba grinned and stopped brushing his hair to stride over and give you a hug. “You know you won’t even notice I’m gone.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” You hugged him back and then pulled away. “Just do us both a favor and don’t bring her back here tonight.” 

“I’m offended. You know I’m too classy for that.” 

“HOPEFULLY you’re too wary of strangers for that, but you keep leaving me alone here so I don’t know if that’s true.” 

“Please. You’re family at this point, and I’d give you a key if you would take it.” 

“A symbolic key?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“Yeah, well.” You gave him a once-over look again. “Have fun.” 

“Thanks. You too.” He winked at you. 

You retreated to the library, able to make your way around the Kaiba mansion alone with ease, and made yourself comfortable. You appreciated the fact that Mokuba was willing to just leave you alone in his home even if you protested that he shouldn’t be so trusting. You set up your books and computer on the table and played music since you were alone in the library (and other than the staff, probably the entire mansion). At some point, a maid came by and provided you with tea to keep you going, and you found yourself getting a lot of work done. 

When the door opened much later in the evening, you looked up with a grin, expecting it to be Mokuba back from a victorious date. Your grin faded once you saw Seto Kaiba standing in the doorway. 

He stared at you for a moment with a frown before striding into the room and looking around. The frown on his face deepened. Then he looked back at you. “Where is Mokuba?” 

“Um. Uh.” You hated yourself for stumbling over nonsense words as you tried to figure out what to tell him. Should you tell him Mokuba was on a date? “I… um, he… stepped out? To get something?” The words all came out as uncertain questions, and you knew that Seto Kaiba was currently judging you as an idiot. But at least that ship had sailed a long time ago, and you didn’t think you had any chance of proving otherwise to him. 

Even as Seto Kaiba pinned you with a frown, you couldn’t help but notice that he looked terrible. The bags under his eyes were so deep that he almost looked like he’d been punched. His hair looked unwashed, and his clothing was wrinkled. When was the last time he’d done anything to take care of himself? 

You understood why Mokuba was worried.

Then Kaiba grunted at you and left without another word. You watched him leave, wondering if he even knew your name. If he did, he never used it. 

After he left, you couldn’t focus on your work. You were too unsettled by Kaiba’s appearance. Even if he sometimes looked like he didn’t remember what sleep was, Seto Kaiba had never looked so messy. He was a man who cared about appearances and looked down on sloppy people. 

You gave up trying to get anything else done tonight and checked the time. Mokuba’s date must have been going well if he was still out. Well, he would know where to find you. You left your books and notes on the table, fully intending to return back to work here in the morning, and carried your laptop back to your room. 

As you walked past Kaiba’s room, you noticed that there wasn’t a light shining under the door. You hesitated, wondering if he was asleep. Then you looked both ways to see if anyone was in the hallway. Nobody was around so you pressed your ear to the door. You knew you were acting weird, but you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in that room. 

You stroked the handle of the door, but you weren’t brave enough to turn it. Maybe another time. 

Hopefully you never would. You didn’t think you could look Mokuba in the eyes knowing you took advantage of his friendship to creep on his brother. 

In your guest room, you curled up in bed thinking about Seto Kaiba in a similar bed only a few rooms over. Mokuba knew his brother better than anyone, but surely he was wrong about his brother just needing to find someone to date. 

And if Seto Kaiba needed a girlfriend, why couldn’t it be you?

Next Chapter

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

Can we please normalize being trashy in this blog

Quack anon is trying so hard to baby and confort everyone like ur not doing anything they are grown ppl

If they are sad they can cry about it

This is not okay. Everyone is free to interact with the characters however they want to. If Quack anon or anyone else wants to show love/comfort/kindness to the characters, then that's great! I mean, honestly, if everyone was just constantly trash-talking the characters, I would just delete the blog because I come to tumblr to get away from negativity. I don't have a problem with a couple people spicing things up by bullying the characters, but when that rudeness is directed at other people, then we have a problem.

You don't get to dictate how anyone else interacts with the characters, and I will absolutely not condone putting down other people for the ways they choose to interact. I'm honestly on the fence about just banning you (especially since I'm pretty sure you sent another similar messages), but I think it's only fair to give you this warning first. I wish I could do it privately, but that's the limitation of anonymity.

Quack anon, if you read this, just know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you interact! Your presence on this blog is appreciated, and please don't take anything this person said to heart! No one should feel like they're being judged by what they send in. If you are uncomfortable and would prefer I delete this post, let me know. I also have another ask in my inbox I'm pretty sure was sent by the same person, that I can use to ban them.

[peachcrafts]

Lolita 52 challenge: 3. What my own Lolita lifestyle is like, plus blog update

Quick update: Sorry about not posting this week, or really much lately. I actually had an excuse this week since I wasn't feeling too great. As for clay crafts, I kind of burnt myself out while trying to make a money box while still not very experienced. I have a necklace design I want to make before fall is up though, so at least the beads for it should be a lot more fun. I've currently only made the lid of the box and I didn't even glue the parts into the right place.... I can fix it, I can fix it... I can fix it.

Okay, so onto the 52 challenge: I wouldn't really know where to really start with this. I went around and read some other people's post on this to get ideas. I can't really speak for decor. I know how I want my room, a themeing mixture of Princess Peach, The Mushroom Kingdom, and Blue Bird Polly Pocket. Though I can't really do this yet. So that's off the table, I will share my polly collection here though. I don't really have a whole lot of the old Blue Bird play sets. I mostly have old matel ones, which are less cute but I still like them. Every time I got into a thrift store I actively look for Polly Pocket stuff. While Polly Pocket and Princess Peach aren't directly Lolita, my goal for how I want my room to be could definitely fit here. There is also a Monster High doll in view and a Burger King box I cleaned out and decided to keep because I thought it was cute. Is it trashy? I mean it's literally trash, but the other option is to toss it, why make something thats meant to be discarded cute? Seems like a waste.

For hobbies: I like to work with clay, even if I did need a bit of break from it. I'm new to working with polymer but you can do a lot more with it than air dry so I'm happy I finally moved onto it. I used to do embroidery, which I plan to take back up, a long with sewing. I just need to get all the supplies together. Which addmittly, issues getting thing together is one of the reasons I had to quit in the first place. I also like to hand sew, I need to take up using the sewing machine, I know. I have plans for it, I'm just kind of afraid of it. Anyone else feel that?

Other than that, I enjoy video games. This isn't usually a hobby one would think of as lolita, but I feel like video games are what largely inspires me. Some of my favorite series being Sonic the Hedgehog, Castlevania, Fire Emblem (sadly have only played three games of this though, not counting the mobile game, which feels very different than the actual games), and The Sims, where I make me, my friends and characters I like. Though when I was little I would just make a murder house. Didn't everyone? Though I also like the The Elder Scrolls, Rune Factory, Mario, and Harvest Moon, just less so.

On a more lolita note I used to enjoy singing. I really do enjoy it, I just kind of eventually realized that I mostly liked it because other people would praise my singing. In reality, I enjoy making stuff a lot more. Also, I sometimes can get jaw pain, which makes it a little harder and less relaxing than sitting down and making a necklace or something.

Taking pigtures of Sweet Pea, the most photogenic creature you'll ever meet.

Oh, I also love to drink tea, but from coffee mugs, because finding tea sets is kind of hard.

Credit of the challenge tohttp://www.fyeahlolita.com/2013/01/lolita-52-challenge-lolita-topic-week.html

And links to my past answers here.

1. https://www.tumblr.com/peachcrafts/765516240419766272/52-lolita-challenge-1-5-pieces-that-every-lolita?source=share

2. https://www.tumblr.com/peachcrafts/766124686222475264/credit-of-the-challenge-to?source=share

4. https://www.tumblr.com/peachcrafts/765236154455982080/i-decided-to-do-the-lolita-52-challenge-but-im?source=share

[corvusthecryptid]

i mean this seriously and genuinely, from the bottom of my heart: fuck ea and everyone who chooses to work with them.

They keep releasing shitty, incomplete work, and I'm fucking sick of it. You'd think the CurseForge thing would be better because CF would want to, you know, NOT piss off their brand new demographic, but nope! They released a shitty, incomplete app.

There's no folders. There's no profiles like with Minecraft. THE FILTER DOESN'T WORK YET!!! That last one is the one that REALLY pisses me off, and tells me it's literally UNFINISHED.

In the CF app, when looking at Sims mods, there's two buttons grayed out. "Filter" and "broken/duplicate mods." Both have "coming soon!" tooltips when you hover over them. They have been there since release.

Which means that they've known since before release that they needed to add these things! They just chose to release it without them because fuck it, simmers will take whatever is thrown at them even if it's incomplete trash.

I'm fucking sick of it. Everything EA puts out nowadays is incomplete and buggy and fucked up. I expected the CF integration to be different because their rep was on the line too, but no, they're just as fucking trashy as EA is.

Fuck EA, fuck CF, fuck anyone who thinks this shit is okay, and ESPECIALLY fuck all the mod/cc makers who are justifying this bullshit for a fucking paycheck. You're just as trash as EA is, you fucking bootlickers.

[indie-diatrash]

The S & M boys cheated on their lovers and they broke up. The boys realize that they made a mistake because they love and miss their lovers. What would they do or say to get them back?

sam: 

( did they break up or do you just think they broke up? because like it wasn’t their fault that they cheated, that’s your fault. You made them do that. 

A mistake? please. )

Shu

 “Oi. Women, do really think it matters what you think? If anything you should stop being troublesome. Just, hurry up and get over it already.”

Ohhhh, sooo, you found out? Whoops.

Generally, gives off this sorta of victim blaming thing where it’s your fault that he cheated because you the lewd women wasn’t giving him what he desired.

When you start crying though, he gets a little miffed because like it already happen. Why are you still dwelling on it?? Can he just exit this conversation please?

Kinda lays next to you impassively, just existing as you cry and get it together. 

Feels a little bad? maybe.

...Cover that up with a band-aid of sex? Yes.

“Seriously, so noisy over something so trivial. Did you really think you were so special? Heh. Lewd women, come here.”

(scenario where he cheats)

A cute little freshman wanders in his music room unsuspecting and he just gets into her pants because he wanted too. Dubious consent, much? 

She ran out of the room crying and ran into you, literally before you walked in on him.

Reiji

“Now, now, let's stop trifling over trivial matters…Yes, I realize how upset you must be. Imagine, my disappointment about how unmannered and unforgivable you are every time you do something deplorable. Don’t I graciously forgive you? Yes, I did. Now you will show me the same courtesy and be swiftly.”

It wasn’t his shinning moment.

She was forbidden fruit that he admitted he probably shouldn’t have done that but, yolo, man.

You don’t know that though. 

He plays it off like it’s your punishment for -insert generic failure here-

Doesn’t have much patience for your gripping. 

So, I suggest you change gears real quick before this little firebug gets angry.

“Use this as a lesson, next time you go to disappoint me.”

(scenario where he cheats)

You know, the put together class president that’s been staring and getting close to him? 

Yeah well, do I have news for you! He tapped that. It was a very degrading tap that, though. She definitely didn’t enjoy unless she likes that. which you know. kudos.

You found out by hearing her brag about her sexcapade in the science lab with all her friends. 

Ayato

“Would you stop your yammering? Of course, the great ore-sama has the great taste and I chose you, idiot….Whadya mean we’re broken up? We are not broken up. I thought I was just giving space…Ouch. Don’t hit me! It’s not my fault you’re -insert failing body image stereotype-  and she wasn’t.

Can you blame me? Oi. Where you going? Get back here!

He gets angry with a murderous aura. Like, whoa chill, Kanato.

You seriously think you can get mad at the great him?? Over something that you have no say in? Ohohoho. You got another thing coming.

He totally blames you because if you really thought he was great, you wouldn’t care. 

Starts laughing defensively as you get madder and madder in retaliation. 

He’s a bit unhinged now...he’s feeling dem. feelings again that he can’t deal with, healthily. 

You better not be thinking of leaving him. He’d kill you before he let that happen. 

(scenario where he cheats)

A cheerleader with big bouncing boobs. They hooked after the game that he won. 

Oh, wait, that was you who walked in on them? Heh. A w k w a r d. 

Kanato

(screams intensely.)

“______-san, why are you avoiding me? Broken up? Heh. Do you really think so highly of yourself that you would be my only plaything. That’s not the point! The point is your mine. mine. mine! Don’t think you’re leaving me. 

Seriously, just kinda loses control? Are you even surprised at this point?

He totally goes on a hissy fit before calming down to an eerily calm state. Allowing you to yell or cry about how much you hate him for this. 

When you say you weren’t sure how you’d ever forgive him.

He  s n a p s…your neck. 

“It’s okay, _____. We’re going to be together forever. I know you didn’t wanna leave me. Shush, You’ll be a pretty doll.

(scenario where he cheats)

A cute lolita doll type with a bunny for a backpack just enrolled in his homeroom. He cornered her in the room after everyone left before doing the deed. 

...Did I mention he snapped her neck too?

 Now, you guys can be friends forever with him, right?

Laito

“Bitch-chan, are you still jealous? Fufu, how cute! You must really love me then?…Oh, not anymore? Awe. So cruel, bitch-chan! You’re hurting Laito’s feelings!

Oh boy, oh boy....Oh. boy. 

He’s totally amused at your screaming and/or crying reaction.

Like, whoa, who knew his control over you was that good? Sweet!

Oh? You hate him. Yass, that’s hot.

Oh? You hate him so much that you’d wish He’d go jump off a cliff? Yasss, that’s hot.

Oh? You think you’re leaving him? Yasss, that’s cute…and delusional.

 Come on, enough of these games. You’re really gonna hurt my feelings and make me mad.

...You don’t want that now do you. You know how much I love you, _______. Don’t make me show you just how much I do.”

(scenario where he cheats)

A girl was coming onto to him in school, begging him to do things to her. He simply was showing him how much he loved her as well.He actually told you about on purpose during an argument later. He’s got mad people skills, tbh.

Subaru

“What do you mean, broken up? 

Tch. Figures, you were really lying all along saying you could love someone as monstrous as me….Get away from me. Honestly what did you expect?!?” 

Please, be gentle. This small emo boi didn’t mean it.

He seriously has no idea how he royally screwed up.

Oh, you hate him and never see him again…?

Same, tbh. He hates himself too.

Just vanishes out of your life or passes you onto his brothers.

Just as long as he’s as far as way from you as possible. 

Then, you’ll be safe…from him.

(scenario where he cheats)

He probably just got out of control during the full moon. He didn’t wanna hurt you so he just psychologically traumatize some other poor suspecting girl.

 Hey, like father, like son, am I right?

disclaimer: I cannot stress enough that honestly they wouldn't cheat on anyone they truly loved like, whoa, they’re not their father. I could see them experimenting when on the cusp of something that resembles affection with a new bride/prey than being like whoa, I’m feeling like crap. 

...So this headcanon is more for a new bride who they’re obsessed with rather than an established relationship, btw. 

[arc-misadventures]

There are a few asks who asked me to do the later part, but they asked for what I did in part 17. So, I’m sorry to say those will be removed and I will just do the next bit. Which, coincidentally is this bit.

Friends XVIII

Jaune: Okay, wait! Hold up! Can you run your plan by me one more time?

Ruby: I don’t see why? My plan is awesome, there’s no way this will fail!

Jaune: I need to make sure what I heard was correct. So, please?

Ruby: Fine… Okay! First things first: Weiss will arrive there carrying a suitcase, saying she wishes to return home!

Jaune: Okay.

Ruby: Then by means of some sort of a distraction Weiss will board the plane! Then in the air Weiss will open the bag and reveal that, Maria was in the bag the whole time!

Jaune: Hopefully its a rather roomy suitcase then…

Ruby: Then, while they are in the air, Weiss will subdue the pilots, and let Maria take control of the plane. Meanwhile, while all of this is happening we will be waiting by the cliff side for them to come pick us up.

Jaune: Isn’t there a sensor tower that would pick us up?

Ruby: Yes, there is! That’s why, Blake will go there disable it and regroup with us, and we’ll be on our marry way to, Atlas! It’s brilliant I say! Brilliant!

Jaune: And the distraction at the base, what will that be?

Ruby: Uhh… Adrian!

Jaune: What…?!

Ruby: Saphron will bring, Adrian along, he will cry, and thus make a distraction to occupy everyone’s attention!

Jaune: Uhh… Are you guys okay with this idea?

Yang: Its a simple enough plan.

Weiss: I can finally use my, Schnee name for some good.

Blake: I know, Atlas security systems pretty well, I don’t think anyone else had do it besides me.

Jaune: What about you, Maria, you okay just being shoved into a suitcase?

Maria: I can handle it dear. It’ll be a tight fit, but I’ll make it. Not something I can say about a few of my past lovers now. Ahh… the joys if youth…

Jaune: Didn’t need to know that…

Ruby: So, Jaune, what do you think of my plan? Pretty cool, right?

Jaune: I think its needlessly over complicated, and dangerous.

Ruby: What?!

Yang: Hey, its not that bad!

Weiss: What’s wrong with it, Jaune?

Ruby: Hey, how come you’re not on my side.

Weiss: I’m sorry, Ruby but, Jaune is the better strategist. He’s probably seen a few flaws in our plan just listening to us.

Ruby: My own partner?! Must thou betray me so?!

Weiss: ‘Must thou betray me so…?’ Where did you get that, from one of, Blake’s trashy books?

Blake: Hey! They’re not…!

Yang: They are trash, now shut up. Go on, Jaune. Tell us what’s wrong with our plan.

Jaune: Okay, first up, why do you need a distraction? why don’t you just walk into the plane? Leave my sister, and nephew out if this.

Blake: Your sister and… nephew…?

Jaune: What of it?

Blake: N-Nothing! Just… saying stuff…

Jaune: Okay… So, just saying stuff, do you know how to break Atlas tech, without the, Nora Method?

Yang: The, Nora Method, what’s that?

Jaune: Nora…

Nora: SMASH!!!

Yang: Oh… That method…

Blake: I know how to hack into, Atlas Military tech. I did it all the time when I was in the White Fang.

Jaune: How long has it been since you last did it though?

Blake: Around a year.

Jaune: A year?! Well, there goes the whole plan.

Yang: And, why is that?

Ruby: Yeah, do you doubt, Blake’s ability to hack and slash?

Jaune: With Gambol Shroud, no. With Atlas tech, yes.

Weiss: What do you mean by that?

Jaune: Since the hellish nightmare that was, The Fall, Atlas has no doubt beefed up their security, that includes their software. They could have improved it to a point that is beyond your skills. Heck, they may have even added a booby trap to it.

Weiss: Booby trap?

Jaune: Snap the wrong wire that sends a signal to their base letting them know that someone is tampering with the listening post. Blowing the whole operation before it begins. Besides even if by some chance it does work. Which, I’m sorry, I don’t think it will. What do we do of we reach, Atlas?

Ruby: What do you mean?

Jaune: We’ll be arriving in, Atlas, in a stolen Atlas Airship… We’ll be arrested as soon as we land, hell, they might blow us out of the sky before we even land! They’re is just too many variables that have to fail for all of this to fall apart. I’m sorry, Ruby it’s not a… brilliant plan…

Ruby: It is so a brilliant plan!

Weiss: I’m afraid I have to agree with, Jaune on this, Ruby. It is too complex of a plan…

Ruby: Oh yeah?! Tell me, Mr Smarty Pants! What would you do?

Jaune: Simple: First things first is that we have, Weiss go to the base, and make a call home.

Weiss: I am not calling my dad about anything…

Jaune: No, besides I doubt your dad would help you, much less the rest of us. So that’s why you will call your, sister instead.

Weiss: My sister?

Jaune: Yeah, your sister. Winter Schnee. Specialist Schnee. Personal aid to General James Ironwood. That sister?

Weiss: Oh… oh gods… Oh gods why didn’t I think of that…?!

Ruby: Weiss, you okay?

Weiss: No…

Yang: Ehh… what’s going on…

Jaune: Its simple really: Weiss, calls her sister, she tells, Winter everything that has happened to us. The relic, Ozpin, now being Oscar. And they we ask her to relay a message to the General about our situation, and politely ask for a ride to Atlas. And before you know it, we’re on our way to, Atlas!

Yang: Oh…

Ruby: Eh…?!

Blake: What…?

Weiss: Oh gods I’m such an idiot… Why didn’t I think of something as simple as that?!

Jaune: The simplest solutions are often the ones we overlook first.

Weiss: So it would seem…

Ren: So that’s why you said we should wait for Team RWBY to arrive. You had this thought up all along.

Jaune: To be fair, I only thought if it after we meet that annoying little lady, and tweetle-dee, and tweetle-dumb. Besides, if we went there again I’d bet, Nora would have hit that lady like she was a cricket ball…

Nora: Can I still do that anyway?

Jaune: No.

Nora: Nahh…

Jaune: So, thoughts?

Ruby: Mine would have been cooler…

Jaune: True, but after hearing my plan, do you really need to do it?

Ruby: No…

Jaune: Great! Now then, since its late I’m going to help my sister make dinner. We’ll have, Weiss make the call in the morning. Till then, you can do… whatever it was you were doing…

Maria: Heh! Smart lad you have there! Ahh… If I was only younger…

Ruby: Eww! I didn’t need to know that!

Maria: Just saying. He’s a nice and dependable young lad. Any girl who got together with him will be a happy lady.

Weiss: I wish I could have seen that sooner…

Yang: Wait, what?

[rowanaelinn]

Mr. and Mrs. Whitethorn’s Six Yulemas - Year Five

Sorry for the wait! This is pure fluff, with a little bit of smut! Fluff is very challenging to write for me so I’m already sorry if it’s awkward!

Word Count: 12k | Warnings: brief mentions of an eating disorder and alcoholism, hurt/comfort, NSFW

“What are you doing here, Fireheart?” The voice of Aelin’s mom surprised her, tearing her from the pages of her book.

Aelin looked up and showed her book to her mom, “I’m obviously cooking.”

Evalin scoffed, her eyes rolling as she entered Aelin’s room and came to sit on the side of her bed. “I think I’ve understood that you're reading, thanks Aelin, I’m just asking you why.”

Aelin ignored her gaze, keeping her eyes on the words written in front of her even if she wasn’t really reading. “What do you mean?”

“Why didn’t you go out with your girlfriends? Or even invited them there?”

“Why would I?”

Evalin took Aelin’s book from her hands, taking away Aelin’s excuse not to look at her mom. “Well, because they’re back from college. I just thought that since the boys are spending the night together, you girls would do the same.”

Aelin scratched the back of her neck, “Oh, they’re having a boys’ night?”

Evalin looked at her in a way that said she didn’t believe her one bit. “Rowan called,” she said. Aelin directly started to chew at her lip, crossing her arms around her.

“Did he, now?”

“He asked me to keep an eye on you, and said he was worried about leaving you alone for one night.”

“He’s an overbearing buzzard,” Aelin muttered and Evalin chuckled, stroking Aelin’s knee over the comforter.

“He cares for you.”

Aelin smiled, “Yeah, he does.”

“Are you scared? Of letting him go to a bar?”

Aelin shook her head, “I’m not letting him do anything, mom. And I trust him.”

“He was feeling guilty to leave you alone.”

“He shouldn’t.”

“It would help if we hadn’t all noticed how much your mood changed these past few weeks.”

Aelin wanted to deny it, but it was true. She had avoided as many gatherings as she could for a couple of weeks. Sure, she was not entirely closed off but still. Her family hardly cared about that, they probably just didn’t want her to become the Aelin she had been two years ago. It had been hard to work on herself, even harder when Rowan had been sent to a center to get sober. They hadn’t been able to talk a lot, his phone was taken by the staff to ensure a recovery with as little stress as possible. If anyone asked Aelin, she believed it was bullshit. She didn’t think cutting off people from their entire world helped to stay sober once out of rehab. But Rowan was okay, and it was the only thing that mattered. At least for Aelin.

It had been hard to adapt for him once he got out, not that his addiction was too deep, too rooted, for him to live a normal life. But he was now forbidden one of the things he had loved for moderation for years. Both of their families had adapted quickly once they both exposed their problems last year. Not one hour later, every single bottle of alcohol had been emptied and trashed.

It had been hard on Aelin for months. With Rowan away and the guilt of his situation eating her alive… She wasn’t sure she would be okay without her family around her. They took turns to drive her to her appointments with her therapist, taking off every label on what they bought, making it impossible for her to count the calories she ate. Evalin and Rhoe went so far as to try to work from home as much as they could, and when they couldn’t they drove her to the Whitethorn’s where she spent the day with either Lily or Ben.

It had helped more than anyone could think, the four of them were the reminder that she was not alone. Aedion had started calling her daily, too. For a while he had been the only one she answered the phone to, sometimes they just watched some trashy reality TV while making comments on the phone. It helped.

“I’m just tired, mom.”

Once again, she looked at her in a way that told her she wasn’t as good of a liar as she believed she was. Aelin had been scared of the truth about her dropping out of college and becoming what could only be described as a mess would push her away from her mother, but in reality, it only helped them to get closer. “Does it have anything to do with you moving out?”

There it was, Aelin’s next big step. For almost a year now, Aelin and Rowan were a unit. Even more than before. They had never put words on what they were because it didn’t do anything more for them. They just knew it, they were each other’s soulmates. So yeah, for everyone they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but for each other they were much more. And now, they decided a few months ago to move forward in their relationship and move in together.

Aelin shrugged and Evalin smiled sadly. “It’s scary, isn’t it?”

“Were you scared when you moved in with dad?”

Her parents had been high school sweethearts, moving in together straight out of school. Evalin nodded, “Hell, yes. But I don’t suppose it was for the same reasons as you.”

“What if we enabled each other?” Aelin asked, the question having burned her tongue ever since Rowan asked her to move in with him. Evalin made a soft noise of sympathy that made Aelin want to push her away from her room. She didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“You won’t,” she said with such conviction in her voice it made Aelin want to believe her.

“How can you be so sure?”

Evalin tucked a piece of Aelin’s hair behind her ear, slowly stroking her cheek with a knuckle. “Because the second you two decided to reunite you asked for help and you realized there was a problem. I know you might think this was your fault if Rowan’s addiction started but it’s not true, exactly like it’s not his fault if you fell into unhealthy habits. You two bring the best in each other, it’s probably why everything went downhill when you separated.”

“But what if-“

“There aren’t any what-ifs, baby. This is the next step of your life and you need to be excited about it, do not let a dark past ruin it. Even if it was never fully conscious, you still dreamed of this your entire life.”

“I’m just afraid, mom. What if I fuck everything up? I don’t care about myself, I just don’t want to bring Rowan down with me.”

The pain was evident in Evalin’s eyes, “Call him.”

Aelin shook her head, “He’s having fun with his friends right now.”

“Having the love of his life on the phone will not ruin his night. Just take five minutes to feel better. I don’t want you to go to sleep upset your last night here.”

Aelin thought about it for a total of two seconds before nodding. Evalin smiled and grabbed Aelin’s phone on the nightstand and held it to her. “When you’re done, call Yrene and talk about that ‘I don’t care about myself’ thing.”

“Mom,” Aelin started.

“I’m serious, Aelin. Call them both.” Her voice left no place for conversation, a rare thing from Evalin Ashryver Galathynius. She had been this way a lot ever since Aelin admitted having a problem. It had been hard to face a woman such as Evalin and tell her that her daughter was a failure, that the perfect family they had in the past was broken because Aelin hadn’t been strong enough. But she had done it, her hand closed around Rowan’s.

Evalin left with a kiss on Aelin’s forehead and the second the door was closed, Aelin was calling Rowan. He answered almost immediately, the loud noises of the bar causing her to lower her volume. "Wait two seconds, " he said, and Aelin heard footsteps sounds. A few moments later the found chatter had calmed down, Rowan probably went outside. "There I am baby. What’s up? "

"You having fun? "

"Would be better if you were here, " he said, causing her to laugh. "I’m serious, Ace. Fenrys is calling himself the king of poker, he needs someone who can actually play to put him in his place. "

"At least you admit I’m the best. "

"Always, you know that, " Aelin smiled alone in her room like an idiot. He still had the ability to make her blush for almost nothing, a power he liked to use and that Aelin hated. Or pretended to. "But you didn’t call me to hear me praise you. What is it? "

Aelin didn’t beat around the bush, not with Rowan. "What if we’re making a mistake? What if I’m bad for you and I ruin your hard work and fucks you up—”

"Aelin, stop, " his voice was hard. "The only thing that fucked me up was being away from you. I’m pretty sure living with you will have the opposite effect. Where is it coming from? "

"I just… I just feel like I’m responsible for what happened. If I had just come with you to–”

"I told you not to come. "

"I know but-”

"There is no ‘but’s, Fireheart. We’re better, aren’t we? We’ve been together for almost a year and I’ve been sober for that long. You’ve gained weight and everyone can see your confidence getting better every day. And you know what? Apparemment or not, we’ve been together as much as we could. Aelin, we help each other get better, not the other way around. "

"I’m scared I’m going to hurt you, " Aelin admitted.

She heard his pained sigh, "Do you want me to come over? "

"No, please. Stay with them, " Aelin was serious. It wouldn’t help her feel better if he was crashing his plans because of her.

"I love you, Aelin. I can’t wait for tomorrow. "

"You do realize you’ll have no escape when I get mad? " Aelin teased him.

"Good, I don’t want any. Mad, happy, sad, I don’t care. I want all of you, " he said, too quickly to be something he thought of before. Rowan was full of these moments of spontaneous sincerity, it felt good to be effortlessly loved. He’d always been good at that, Aelin noticed. Even when they were just friends. There wasn’t a moment where Aelin didn’t feel special when he was around, she wondered why she went seeking other men’s attention when she had that.

Aelin snorted, “We’ll see if you don’t change your mind when you actually experience life with me.”

“Have you called Yrene?”

“What?”

“You just sound a lot like you hate yourself tonight, not seeing any parts of you that are good. So, have you called her?”

Aelin waited a few seconds to answer, biting her lip. “Mom told me to do it when I hung up with you.”

A slow chuckle, “Your mom’s always been right, baby.”

Aelin smiled at the pet name, he used in every few sentences and was far from new but Aelin always smiled like an idiot when he called her that. “You always say that.”

She could almost picture him smiling, one hand in his pocket while he stared ahead of him. She imagined him in his black shirt–her favorite– and pants of the same color. She wished she could be with him every second of her life, but she was glad he was having some boy’s time. Except for Lorcan who went to college in Orynth, he didn’t see a lot of people other than her.

And she was doing to spend the day with her friends tomorrow. Sure, they didn’t reunite to have fun and party like Aelin would have done in the old days, but it was better. They were going to help her and Rowan move out. Most of their furniture was already waiting for them at the apartment, waiting to be built but thank god they wouldn’t have to carry the bed or sofa up narrow spiral stairs.

“But,” Rowan started, “If you’re not ready then things can wait.”

Aelin snorted, “We’re moving tomorrow, it’s a little late for backing up.”

“I could live there and you could visit me, you don’t have to take a step you’re not ready for, Ace.”

She thought about it for a few seconds before shaking her head, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t see her. “No, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise, Ro. I think I’m just stressed at the idea of doing Yulemas there. I’m scared it’s too much pressure on us.”

Rowan chuckled, “Baby, we could give burned pasta to our parents and they’d be happy, you know it. Please, don’t let stress ruin an important moment of our lives.”

“I know, but we’re doing this for your father. I know you’ve always dreamed of creating the perfect Yulemas for him. I want everything to go well for you.”

They knew it was short notice, that Yulemas was only a week away and they still had to unpack and all, but they had both insisted that yulemas happened at their apartment this year. Rowan always had this life plan of taking the charge and heavy stress of Yulemas from his parents so they could entirely enjoy it as Rowan had done as a child. But as much as Ben fought, he wasn’t getting better. Rowan started to deal with it, focusing on the present rather than the unwritten future, but he still wanted to give everything he could to his father. Aelin loved him ten times more for it.

“I love you,” Rowan said.

“I love you,” Aelin answered.

❆—❆—❆—❆

“Come back from college, they said,” Lysandra’s sarcastic voice echoed in the hall. “It’ll be fun, they said. Well, they never had to carry their best friend’s books on three fucking floors.”

“They are not that heavy,” Aelin answered even if she thought the opposite. These boxes were heavy. She just liked to upset Lysandra.

“Say that once again and I will turn the pages of your favorite books into fake snow.”

Aelin was going to reply with a threat of her own, something along the line that Lysandra would wake up without eyebrows any of these days but Aedion passed by them, slapping his girlfriend’s ass in the process. “Less talking, more carrying.”

“Don’t do that in front of me!” Aelin protested, “That’s so gross.”

A second later, her own ass was slapped. She turned around, already seeing red and ready to kill whoever had just touched her. But it was Rowan who stood behind her, a sly smirk on his face. “I took revenge for you,” he raised his hands in a sign of innocence. He could pretend all he wanted he did it to make her even with Aedion, they both knew he did it for his own pleasure.

Aelin put the box of books on the floor, having finally arrived in the apartment. Three floors weren’t much unless you were carrying a bunch of streamy books. Everyone was exhausted, most of the boys had spent the entire day building the furniture while the girls carried most of the boxes. Aelin’s entire body felt like it was broken, every muscle screaming at her to just go to bed and sleep for five days straight. They were in the living room, right where Connall and Vaughan were trying to build Aelin’s new bookshelf. Aelin’s attention was taken from the two to look at Rowan when he slipped his hands around her waist, forcing her closer to him. Not that she resisted him. Her arms went around his neck, she was tall enough to not have to raise on her toes to look him in the eyes but she still had to lift up her head. His right hand slid down her body to slip into the back pocket of her pants, squeezing her backside. Aelin held in a noise, her hands clenching in his hair. In the way he smiled as he bent down to kiss her he knew the effect he had on her.

A loud throat clearing interrupted them right before Rowan’s lips brushed hers. They both turned their head to find Rhoe looking at them with a disgusted look on his face. Aelin laughed as Rowan let his head fall on her shoulder, the most dramatic man she knew pretending to cry. “I’m in my own apartment and I still can’t touch my girlfriend’s ass when I want.”

Aelin chuckled, stroking his back. “You’re free to do so when my dad’s not looking.”

“Be careful, I might take you seriously.”

“Rowan!” Rhoe called him from the kitchen. “Come here, son.”

Rowan sighed, kissing Aelin’s neck and leaving goosebumps all over her skin. “I’m happy to share this with you, Ae.”

“I am, too.” She kissed him quickly before he joined her father in the kitchen, leaving her to smile alone like an idiot. She already imagined their life in this apartment, the way she would open the door while coming home and she would smell his cooking, the way she could let her feet rest on his legs when they both sat on the sofa to either work on their classes or read. Always feel his presence, even when he wouldn’t actually be there.

There would not be any lack of Rowan anymore, and Aelin was delighted by it.

“You make me sick,” complained Elide.

“Give it a month before she tells us she’s pregnant,” Lysandra said.

Elide snorted while Aelin slapped Lysandra’s arm. “Don’t say that!”

The tall brunette rolled her eyes, “Don’t play prude with us.”

“You’re probably gonna go at it twice a day. I mean, that’s what I would do if I lived with Lorcan.”

Aelin blushed, “Don’t talk about that.”

Lysandra laughed, shaking Aelin’s entire body as she held her by the shoulders. “C’mon, Ae, it’s not like we’re asking for details.”

“Well, we kind of are,” Elide joked along. “What did you prepare for tonight? Sexy lingerie? Oh! Better! Are you going to wait naked for him in your bed?”

“You’re so boring, Elide,” Lys gently pushed the little woman’s shoulder. “They have the entire apartment and you want them to have sex on their bed first? No, no, we can’t have that. You need to try against the bookshelf.”

“Let’s not?” Connall interrupted from where he stood on the floor, desperately trying to build the furniture without scratching it. Aelin had threatened his and Vaughan’s balls if they “hurt her precious baby”, so she guessed that was why the two men were extra-careful.

Aelin couldn’t help but join her two friends and laugh with them, hoping that the girls would get over this topic but she was proved wrong. “So?”

Aelin shrugged, “There’s nothing to say.”

Lysandra rolled her eyes, “You used to share lots more details in high school, you became boring.”

“I don’t share details because there’s nothing to share, Lys,” Aelin snapped, leaving the room to join her boyfriend and dad in the kitchen. Both of them straightened when they saw her. She didn’t pay attention to what they were talking about, but she was still aware of her father’s weird glances at her. She wondered what was wrong with him, and then she realized his little girl had moved out today. He had the right to be weirded out. Her arms circled Rowan’s waist and his own automatically came to rest on her shoulders, never once breaking his train of thought as he spoke to her father. Rowan kept his other hand safe in his pocket, and Aelin was disappointed, she had hoped to be enveloped in his arms.

She wasn’t ashamed of what she just admitted to her friends, but she still didn’t like it. Rowan wanting the perfect moment for their first time had quickly turned into it never happening. Aelin was perfectly happy to go without sex, not that she always craved it. Her meds highly lowered her libido, but she still felt lust sometimes. Just less than before.

When she and Rowan were making out (and they did that a lot), their hands wandering on each other’s bodies, lighting all of her nerves of fire, his hands knitting at her breasts as she rolled her hips from under him, it was always hard when he stopped it all, always finding an excuse. Aelin was not mad at him, never, but it still frustrated her. Not in the way that she wanted sex, even if she did, but because she was desirable enough for him to not stop, to not care and just take her.

Maybe now that they lived together it would finally happen, no parents downstairs to use as an excuse, no more curfew. They were free, and Aelin really hoped they’d enjoy it. In some ways more than others. Maybe she should listen to Lysandra’s advice. Nothing else was stopping them now, no one except their neighbors could hear, so, maybe Aelin should tempt him. She knew how, of course, she always loved dressing in a way that would make it impossible for him to look away. But maybe, today, she should try harder.

“This makes me sick,” Rhoe said, interrupting Aelin’s train of thought. She rolled her eyes as she smiled, hiding part of her face in Rowan’s side.

“C’mon, dad, you love Rowan.”

Rhoe nodded, standing with his back against the fridge and his arms crossed, looking down at both Aelin and Rowan. “I do. But you’re still babies to me. Not grown adults living together. Gods, you’ll kill me the day you tell me my little girl is pregnant.”

Aelin flushed, hiding her entire face in Rowan’s shaking side. “Don’t laugh,” added her father’s strict voice. “And don’t look pleased with yourself.”

Aelin sort of understood her dad, sure she felt like an adult but she also felt so young. She remembered two years ago, she believed the world belonged to her. Gods, now she realized how childish she had been. But it was how life worked, you would always be more mature as time passed. So she can only imagine how her dad must feel to see her grow up.

“I’m happy for you,” he ended up saying and when Aelin looked at him, he had a sincere smile written all over his face.

“Love you, daddy.” He rolled his eyes at the nickname she hadn’t used in years. Rowan squeezed her shoulder, sharing this happy moment with her. They were free, they were in love, and they were not alone. She didn’t need more.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin’s limbs were slightly shaking as she waited in her bed. She had spent time organizing their bedroom, wishing for them to feel comfortable even on the first day. Aelin could tolerate the boxes waiting to be opened everywhere in the apartment but not in their room. This was going to be their place, the place where they would share every morning and night. It had to be perfect, even from day one.

Aelin had insisted on doing it while Rowan cleaned up the kitchen. It would be his place, mostly. Even if Aelin still would go there while he cooked to talk to him to no end, annoying him. When he had slipped into the bedroom as she put on the prettiest bedsheet she owned and kissed her cheek before going into the bathroom to take a shower, Aelin’s conversation with her friends flashed in her mind.

She quickly took off her clothes, looking at herself through the mirror. She had put on more weight than before, but she found out she didn’t hate it. Her hip bones and rib cage weren’t visible anymore, her breasts, belly, and thigh fuller than they had even been. Rowan’s cooking was making her fat, and she couldn’t find a way to complain about it.

No food was more dangerous than the effects of an eating disorder had on her mental health and body.

She was learning how to love herself, and she hoped Rowan would show her, soon, that he loved her body, too. She knew it wasn’t healthy. Her therapist, Yrene, would say it. But Aelin had grown up with Rowan’s opinion constantly available. She didn’t give a damn about being healthy, she needed Rowan’s love to love herself. Plenty of people were this way and lived very healthy lives.

She was thankful for shaving a few days earlier as she slipped into her bed, her arms resting over her head, her legs crossed and slightly up, her face turned toward the bathroom door.

As she waited, she wondered what Rowan would think. He had praised her for gaining weight multiple times, but the last time he had seen her body she had been much skinnier than she was now. She had read somewhere that it wasn’t rare for people in recovery of an eating disorder to gain a lot of weight suddenly, their bodies taking whatever they could after being starved. Aelin had made her peace with it, she just hoped Rowan wouldn’t be upset.

Aelin waited and waited, Rowan’s five minutes long showers feeling a lot longer when she was waiting for it to end. Would he be aroused? She hoped he would, it was his first time seeing her naked. Well, she didn’t know if that time in the car with her dress half-on half-off and the tame light actually counted. It was either his first or second time, and Aelin prayed to every single god she knew about that he would love her as much as she loved him.

When the door opened, Aelin’s body tensed. Rowan was only wearing a towel around his waist, Aelin not remembering him grabbing any pajamas before slipping into the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her on the bed, his eyes roaming over her entire body. “Wh-What is it?”

“Me.”

Rowan chuckled softly but the sound was deeper than it usually was, “I noticed.” His eyes went for her breasts, the ends having peaked both because of his electrical gaze and because they were exposed to the chill air of the room.

He looked at her, but he made no moves to close the distance between them. He was at the end of the bed, not moving an inch. Aelin put her shame aside, slowly spreading her thighs as she kept her eyes locked in his. She heard his sharp intake of breath before his eyes lowered to the place between her legs, his hands forming fists. Was he even half as turned on as she was? Aelin’s entire body felt like it was on fire, his presence fuelling it. “Fuck,” he swore lowly.

“Really got nothing else to say?”

His eyes went back to hers, and in the most sincere way, he said, “You’re divine.”

Aelin’s smile broke free on her lips, warmth spreading in her veins. Rowan found her divine. He liked her and her body. “Are you going to do anything else than stare, then?”

He lost a ragged breath, his eyes going back and forth between her body and face, as if he didn’t know what he wanted to look at the most. “I’m not sure I should.”

“What?” Aelin’s small voice asked. She was there, naked for him, literally spreading her legs, but he still didn’t want her? “Why?”

She went to raise on her elbow but Rowan’s body was on hers the next second, forcing her to stay down on the bed. He was between her legs, his torso brushing the sensitive peaks of her breasts. Aelin moaned at the contact, causing Rowan to groan. Aelin felt his hard member against her, the only barrier between them being this damn towel. “Ro,” she breathed, raising her hips a little. She needed him.

His lips crashed onto hers, her hands going straight for his hair. She pulled at it in the way that always had his eyes rolling in the back of his head. His hand grabbed her ribcage, slipping his hand under her back to force her closer to him. Her sensitive breasts pressed against his torso, this simple contact almost too much for her.

“Please,” she whispered on his lips, raising a leg around his waist.

He thrust up once, causing Aelin to moan loudly at the friction. She had never been a fan of touching herself and the last time she had sex was more than a year ago, which explained why she was so goddamn sensitive. This was it, they were going to have sex.

At least, it was what Aelin believed until Rowan stopped kissing her, staying over her but raising on his elbows to limit the contact. She whined, desperately trying to get him back on her. He shook his head, and Aelin thought she could kill him. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you serious?” She groaned, her hands entirely leaving Rowan’s body. He nodded, and in his defense, he really looked sorry. It wasn’t that she was mad he didn’t want to have sex, she just was frustrated about the whys. “Are you asexual?”

“What?”

She raised her hands in defense, “That’s a pretty valid question!”

“How?”

“You’re really asking that?”

Rowan’s eyes were wide, “Well, yeah. Where is this coming from?”

Aelin gestured to herself, the only thing holding her back from getting too mad was how flushed his cheeks were when his eyes caught her breasts. “I’m literally naked underneath you, Ro. Not that I’m bragging because I know my body has changed, but people used to beg for it. But, no, you’re on top of me and you still find excuses to not touch me.”

Rowan let out a pained whine, the sound breaking something in Aelin. His head fell on her shoulder and she didn’t wait a second before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, one of her hands stroking his back gently. She loved his skin, she didn’t know what he used to make it so soft but Aelin would die happy by just touching him.

“Or maybe,” Aelin started, “You’re just not attracted to me anymore.” She schooled her features into neutrality, hoping it was enough to hide the storm of feelings inside her.

“What?” He seemed offended by her question. “Why are– You’re thinking that I’m not attracted to you?”

“Well…”

“No, baby. No, I’m so attracted to you.” He pressed his hips against hers, making his erection even more noticeable. Aelin couldn’t hold her giggle in at that, and Rowan soon followed her. It was good to always laugh with him. She smiled, playing with his hair. “Gods, Aelin. You don’t know how much I want to be inside you right now.”

“I don’t understand.”

He frowned, still wearing that stupid loving smile on his face. “What?”

“Why you’re not, it’s clear we both want it.”

He let out a shrugged breath, “Aelin…”

“Just talk to me, Ro. I promise you, whatever it is, I can only help you if you talk to me. If you’re asexual-”

“I thought we already proved I wasn’t?”

“Your body can say something but your mind might say something else. Whatever you think, please, talk to me. I don’t care about sex. I know this,” she said, making gestures toward her body, “might make you think otherwise, but I’m sincere. I really don’t care. I just want you to be happy and to feel safe enough to tell me what happens.”

Rowan nodded, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Should I,” she asked. “You know, get dressed?”

Rowan shook his head, a playful smile on his lips, “No. Actually, I forbid you from wearing clothes ever again.”

“Okay,” Aelin smirked. “Next time I go visit our friends, I will be naked.”

Rowan groaned, “You just have to ruin everything.”

“It’s the reason why you love me.”

His smile turned soft, “It is.” He kissed her, sweet, loving kisses. “I want you, I promise you, I do. I just- I’ve loved you for what felt like forever Aelin, and I’ve overthought everything that could happen between us. Goddamn it, you were my first wet dream. I’m just so scared someone else was better-”

“Ro, no,” Aelin started.

“Baby, you told me to talk. Don’t cut me off before I’m done.”

Aelin nodded, “Okay. Yes, I think I can do that.”

Rowan kissed her once before starting to speak again, “Listen, I know sex was just another way for you to self-destruct, and I shouldn’t feel anything about it. But you asked me to be honest and here’s the truth: I’m afraid. I’m terrified that you’re gonna think someone else was better and that I’m not enough for you. I also imagined even since I’m fifteen what would happen if I had one chance to touch you, and a drunk hood-up in the back of my car after a fight had never crossed my imagination. I want our real first time to be perfect, that’s why I always find excuses.”

“Are you done?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Aelin said, lifting her head just a little so she could kiss Rowan. She knew they kissed a lot, but she felt like she could get drunk on his lips. She never wanted to do anything else for the rest of her life. She was serious when she said she’d be okay if Rowan never wanted to have sex, as long as she didn’t feel like he was hiding something from her. This wasn’t a problem anymore. “Thank you for opening up.”

“I know I fucked up big time for a moment in my life,” Aelin started. “But we’re over it, now, baby. Telling you that I didn’t enjoy sex would be a lie, but I need you to know that you’ve ruined me. After that night in your car, as imperfect as it was for you, I’ve never been able to be touched without thinking of it. Without thinking about you. Yes, it was not romantic by any means, but I’m cherishing all the blurry memories I have of it in my heart because it’s the first time I actually felt beautiful. No matter how many times someone complimented me, it took you to make me really believe it. Also, I understand wanting everything to be perfect, but I think no moment will ever feel right enough if you overthink things. There’s always going to be one thing that bothers you.”

“It’s for you,” Rowan said.

“I let you speak, it’s your turn, baby. But to answer that, you could take me against a tree for the first time and I wouldn’t care. I just want us to share this together because I have this need to share everything with you. I don’t care if we do it on a bed of roses or whatever cheesy thing you planned, baby. I just want you. Don’t ruin things for you by overthinking them.”

“I would never take you against a tree.”

Aelin raised an eyebrow, “Never?”

His eyes squinted at her, “At least not for the first time.”

“Good,” Aelin chuckled, “So I can keep outdoor sex on my bucket list.”

He laughed then, “You’re impossible.”

“I love you,” she breathed. The next second, his lips were on hers. She’d never tire of the feeling of it, of how he makes her feel.

He kissed her cheek, then neck. She turned her head to the side, letting him more room. Some parts of her brain hoped he would leave hickeys on her skin so she could feel claimed by him. Rowan didn’t, instead, the hand he had on her waist slid up, grabbing her breast before she could react. She moaned as two of his fingers closed around her nipple, heat pulsing through her body as his other hand grabbed her hip. “What are you doing?” She asked, breathless.

He gave her a sly smirk, kissing her. “I may be too tired to have sex tonight but I still can do something.”

Aelin didn’t believe what came out of her mouth, “No.”

He arched a brow, as surprised as she was. “What?”

Aelin cupped his cheek, “You’re right, baby. It was a long day and I’m tired too.”

Rowan smiled and kissed her, his hand still on her breast. Not to arouse her but just to cup it. “I’m gonna cook you something and then we can sleep, is that okay with you?”

Aelin shook her head, “I’m not hungry.”

His brow raised, “You moved heavy boxes the entire day and that little sandwich at lunch was enough for you? Bullshit.”

“That’s the truth.”

He sighed, “Don’t skip a meal, please. Even if you just eat yogurt. You don’t need to be hungry for yogurt, do you?”

Aelin sighed, deciding it wasn’t the hill to die on. “I guess not.”

He smiled, “But you’re not eating in our bed.”

Aelin pouted, making doe-eyes at her boyfriend. “Please?”

He shook his head, “No food in the bed.”

“I can accept everything but not this rule. It’s bullshit. How am I going to watch TV all day if I can’t have snacks?”

“How about, doing like everyone else and getting up when you’re hungry?” He nuzzled her cheek with his nose.

She took his head between her hands, “Please?” She asked again.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he warned but Aelin didn’t stop. She could see his resolution breaking until he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, “Okay.”

“Yeah!” Aelin cheered in the bed, catching Rowan looking at her fondly. She bit her lip, “Is there something on my face?”

He shook his head, standing up and grabbing her hand, forcing her to stand up, too. He started walking out of the room, pulling her with him. “Ro!” Aelin resisted him, “I’m naked.”

He grinned at her, “I”m aware.”

“Let me put something on,” she laughed, trying to escape Rowan’s grip. Instead, he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I said I never wanted you to put on clothes again.”

“I’ll catch a cold.”

“Good,” he bent down to kiss her quickly, “It’ll give me an excuse to fuss.”

Aelin chuckled, “You’re impossible.”

“Impossibly in love with you, yes.”

She rolled her eyes, ignoring the way her cheeks turned red. “You’re so cheesy, it’s cringe.”

She felt him shrug, “I’m too happy to care.”

She looked up at him, her heart going wild at his smile. “Are you, now?”

He nodded, “How could I not? I just moved in with the love of my life.” This time she couldn’t escape the smile breaking free on her features.

“I’m the love of your life? Really?”

He kissed her passionately then, their tongue playing with the other, “How can you still doubt it?”

The truth was that she didn’t, she just never wanted to live another day without being told she was the love of this man’s life. She said nothing, kissing him until both of them were breathless and had to stop if they didn’t want things to go further. But before Rowan could walk them out of the room, Aelin unknotted Rowan’s towel from around his hips, letting it fall on the floor and leaving him as naked as she was.

She shrugged, “It’s only fair.”

He rolled his eyes but kissed her again before slipping his arm beneath her knees and back, lifting her in the air as if she weighed nothing. What an amazing thing to have an athletic boyfriend. “Let’s go eat.”

“Lead the way,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck as he walked. She was perfectly content to be here, in her home, with the love of her life.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin jumped as she felt hands on her hips, turning around to see Rowan grin at her. Her heart was beating hard, the surprise not good for her tension. She took her headphones out of her ears, Taylor Swift playing loud enough for Aelin to hear it even without the headphones in her ears. She cringed, she always listened to music too loudly.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

He only smiled, leaning down to steal a kiss from her but didn’t deepen it as she wished he did. Instead, his brows furrowed and his nose wrinkled. “What’s that smell?”

Big, loud red alarms echoed in Aelin’s mind, “Shit!”

She escaped Rowan’s hold, running for the oven. She shouldn’t have been surprised by the black smoke that came out of it when she opened the door, coughing, but she still was. Rowan’s hands found her waist, pulling her away from the oven as the smoke kept coming out.

“What did you do?” Rowan asked, his voice not annoyed but worried.

“Surprise,” Aelin mumbled, disappointed her surprise was ruined. “I baked you cookies.”

She expected Rowan to be mad at her, this was going to be a mess to clean and she had touched his things. But Rowan just burst out laughing, his head falling on her shoulder. She looked behind her, her brow furrowed as she tried to understand why he wasn’t yelling at her. “You baked?”

“Why are you acting so surprised?”

“Because you’re Aelin Galathynius,” he said as if it answered everything. “Of course I’m surprised.”

She rolled her eyes, “I hate you.”

No more smoke came out of the oven so Aelin deemed it safe to get closer. The kitchen stank now, Gods, why couldn’t she have stayed in bed?  One week in this apartment and she was already destroying everything.

She took a baking glove and took the baking sheet with the failed cookies out of the oven, placing it on the countertop. She was disappointed to see that instead of being a soft brown color, her cookies were as black as coal. She could have put them in Connall's hair and they would have looked invisible. So good for a surprise.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized.

“Why?” Rowan lost his smile and instead let a frown appear on his face.

“I ruined everything,” her laugh was watery. “As always.”

“Baby,” Rowan’s voice was sweet as he cornered her against the countertop. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

Aelin eyed the cookies, “They beg to differ.” Rowan cocked his head, trying to understand what she was feeling. “You’ve just been doing so much this week, Ro. You and Aedion decorated the tree while I sat in bed–”

“You were on your period.”

“And?”

He stroked her cheek with a calloused knuckle and Aelin’s head leaned into him, “I know how much you hurt, Ace. I know you would have also loved to prepare Yulemas if you could have, but it’s okay if you didn’t. I don’t care about how much work I have to do as long as you’re comfortable.”

“I wanted to make you happy.”

He kissed her gently, “You did, baby.” She arched a brow, confused because she was pretty sure burning the damn cookies was the perfect definition of a ruined surprise. “You made me laugh, you made me smile and now I know you thought of me. I couldn’t be happier.”

“Really?”

He nodded, stealing yet another kiss from her. “I love my perfectly-baked cookies.”

She pulled her head away from him, “You’re being a dick.”

He looked offended, “That’s very mean.”

His hands slid down her thigh, carrying her and making her sit on the countertop, parting her legs to stand between them. And as he kissed her, his tongue making her head feel dizzy, she couldn’t regret burning those cookies too much.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin had always underestimated how much stress hosting a Yulemas dinner was. Rowan had spent the entire day cooking, leaving all the decoration to Aelin. She was happy with that, she had decided to never touch anything from the kitchen ever again after that episode with the cookies. Aelin still smirked thinking about it, more precisely to the make-out session that had followed. She didn’t know how long they had kissed but his hands had slipped under her shirt long before they stopped, Aelin’s hands finding refuge in Rowan’s hair.

She still blushed as she thought of the cold shower Rowan had to take after he cut their kisses short, running to the bathroom. She was sure he had never regretted his decision to wait more than that day.

She was still doing her hair when the doorbell rang for the first time of the night, making Aelin curse loudly. She was late, as always. But Rowan was going to kill her this time. She just couldn’t get out of the bathroom with her hair half wet.

She heard voices, not paying more attention to her hair, trying not to fry it. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if she ruined her hair. She’d burn any picture anyone could take for sure. She was startled when the door opened but Rowan wasn’t the one standing outside but Lysandra. “What’s up?”

Aelin rolled her eyes and Lys didn’t wait for an invitation before closing the door behind her and sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking at Aelin who side-eyed her. “You look good.”

Lysandra only winked, “Don’t be too nice or I’ll think you’re flirting with me.”

“Maybe I am.”

Lysandra’s chuckle was deep, “I don’t think our men would like that very much.” Aelin laughed, it was true. The two would probably roll their eyes at the women.

For the first time in a while, Aelin and Rowan’s family was joined by Gavriel, Aedion, and Lysandra. Aelin had wanted her cousin by her side, happier now that the two of them grew closer this past year.

“So,” the brunette started, “Have you and Rowan finally…?”

Aelin shook her head, brushing her now dry hair. “I don’t believe you,” Lysandra said, making Aelin roll her eyes. She might have told her two girlfriends that if she had snapped at them on her moving day was because there wasn’t anything to talk about, Aelin’s sex life was as flat as a table. “He wants to wait for the perfect moment, I think it’s sweet.”

Lysandra smiled, “It is. Your cousin didn’t have the same consideration for me.”

Aelin’s face was a pure expression of disgust, she threw one of her brushes at her friend, “I don’t want to hear that!”

Not long after, the two women joined everyone in the living room, Aelin’s parents and Rowan’s arrived while she applied her make-up. She was wearing her usual shade of red, her dress was so long it hit the floor, even with Aelin’s heels on. But it made it up with the long slit on the left side of the dress, allowing the world to see one of Aelin’s long legs.

With her newfound curves and the way that dress fit to her body, Aelin felt beautiful. Sure, her waist wasn’t slim but she liked the way it made her look. Happy, healthy.

Rowan seemed to like the dress, too. His eyes fixed on her as she politely greeted everyone. He stood up when she reached him, and she knew she would have been on his lap with his hands grabbing her body if they had been alone. Or at least if their parents weren’t present. “You look amazing,” he whispered, kissing her quickly. But not quickly enough for Rhoe to not care, instead, this old man made a gagging noise.

Aelin rolled her eyes but she didn’t even have anything to say, Lily spoke for her. “They live together, for Gods sake, Rhoe. Leave them alone.”

“Just because it is the reality doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“What did you want?” Ben said, “Would you rather have her with some kid you don’t know?”

“I would rather have her in a convent.”

Rowan snorted, the man actually snorted. He must have a death wish. “Sorry,” he apologized, raising his hands up in defense but it was useless. He was laughing too hard to stop. “Just– try to imagine her in a convent. You’ll laugh too.”

“I don’t like you,” Rhoe said, but everyone knew it for the lie it was.

Aelin’s smile got wider as she saw the pile of presents under the tree, so many more gifts than there had been this afternoon. She wanted to please her inner child and beg everyone to open them right now. But she couldn’t. She was a hostess this year, she had to act like one. But goddamn, these presents were making eyes at her.

“Want something to drink, baby?” Rowan asked her, still standing in front of her with his hands on her forearms. “Champagne?”

Aelin frowned, “We don’t have champagne.” Or any other alcohol for that matter.

Rowan shrugged, his smile seductive. “I bought some.”

“What?” The word came out much harsher than she meant it.

“Anyone wants a glass? We also have whiskey, you’re favorite dad, and we also have–”

Aelin cut him off, “Rowan.”

He looked at her then, his smile fading. “It’s not for me, Ace. It’s for tonight.”

“I’m fine with water.”

“We all are,” Evalin said.

Rowan sighed, “I know you all are. But I’ve never seen any of you,” he gestured to the five parents, “Drink any water at parties. Have fun, enjoy your night, and don’t limit yourself.”

“Ro–”

“Aelin, really. I don’t want to drink, and seeing any of you drink is not going to make me want to join you. But if you start to change just for me… Then it’s going to be hard on me.”

Aelin sighed, understanding what he felt. She also felt bad when her entire’s family habits had changed because of her eating disorder, feeling bad for dragging people down with her. She hadn’t realized she was doing the same with Rowan by stopping to drink. She just wanted to help him. “Okay, but I’ll get everyone their drinks.”

“Aelin…”

“Please?” She smiled at him. “It’s a compromise, isn’t it?”

He didn’t seem entirely happy with the outcome but he still nodded, accepting Aelin’s deal. He kissed her cheek. The Mothers were looking at them fondly, the love written all over their faces. Everyone seemed to understand what Rowan meant, all of them telling Aelin what they wanted to drink.

She would take one glass of champagne and nothing else. Enough to please Rowan, not enough to ruin her plans for tonight. She hoped everything would be perfect, at least perfect enough for Rowan.

The room was loud, full of laugher as Lysandra spoke and spoke, the woman effortlessly funny. Rowan’s food was delicious, he really had outdone himself. Appetizers were on the table, far too many for all of them to be eaten, but everyone tasted all the different flavors, loving them all. Aelin believed that if she said Rowan’s cooking was comforting, people would think she was weird. There was just something about Rowan putting all his heart into something, changing some steps of the recipe so he would fully own it. Food, in general, was good. Food made by Rowan was heavenly.

“Eat,” Rowan told her, handing her yet another plate of food.

It was shrimp that was handed to her, covered with a sauce with pesto and something else that Aelin could not guess from the smell. Aelin held back a gagging noise, “You know I don’t eat anything that comes from water.”

It was true, and it had always been this way. Aelin had developed a disdain for everything that came from the sea, and while the only few times she ate fish she didn’t dislike the taste too much, she still almost threw up when she remembered where the fish came from. Rowan just smiled, taking one of the shrimps between his fingers, “Give it a try.”

Aelin looked at his green eyes to find hope in them, and her decision was taken. He probably thought it was going to change her mind. It was very unlikely, but the joy that her trying would bring him was worth wanting to throw up. Aelin smiled and took the shrimp into her mouth, biting a little too close to Rowan’s fingers. He only laughed, rolling his eyes as she chew.

It was… Surprisingly not bad. If she focused on Rowan and didn’t imagine the sea, she could even say it was good. Aelin hummed approvingly, smiling at Rowan. “You like it?”

“Yeah,” Aelin smiled and the next second, Rowan kissed her. She was suddenly brought back to a year before when he had watched her kiss Sam, his jealousy leading him into dark habits. Now, he was free to kiss her whenever he wanted, no more painful feelings about each other. Just pure, never-ending love.

“Are we finally going to open those presents?” Evalin asked, even more impatient than her daughter.

Aelin chuckled, “I entirely agree. I want my presents.”

“Who told you you had presents?”

Aelin squinted at her boyfriend, wondering how she could kill him. “Man,” Aedion said. “Don’t play this game. Remember when we were in fifth grade and I hid every presents with her name on them? She hasn’t talked to me for two months after that.”

Everyone but Aelin laughed at the memory. This Yulemas had ended in a very big cousin fight, but it had been deserved. “You’re lucky I’ve forgiven you.”

The man who could be her twin rolled his eyes, a playful smile on his lips. They started exchanging gifts, Benjamin being the one choosing for everyone. He was tired, Aelin could see it in the way he stood and walked or even in the way he smiled. But he fought, giving everyone a gift.

They kept their old tradition of watching everyone open their gift, so they could soak into the beautifulness of Yulemas. Rowan smiled as he opened his present, probably already knowing what it was. He had probably known from the moment he saw Aelin’s handwriting.

Aelin’s cheeks hurt from smiling too hard, focusing on every of rowan’s micro-expressions. He grinned at the sweater, this one red like Aelin’s dress, so they could match. It was the first time in two years he got a Yulemas sweater, Aelin had hoped they could go back to the tradition.

He kissed her, and Aelin didn’t know how sweaters could make the both of them so happy. It was ridiculous, really, but it was them. It had hurt so much to see no sweaters under the tree for two years, and not them to be back now…

“Enough of you two kissing,” Rhoe interrupted them. “Open that box, Aelin.”

She laughed as Rowan groaned, putting some distance between the two of them. Aelin frowned, it definitely wasn’t a sweater. The box was small, smaller than the palm of her hand. “Who is that from?”

“All of us,” Lily answered, a huge smile on her lips. A gift from everyone? Well, if that didn’t give her more questions…

Aelin opened the box, even more confusion raising in her when she saw two keys inside. She looked up at Rowan, his smile blinding her. “What’s that?”

“Look at the pictures.” It was just then she realized there was something under the keys, she took them and her heart stopped. She looked up at her entire family before looking once again at the pictures.

“What the fuck,” was her only reaction, and it had Rowan laughing.

“I thought you could buy some chairs and a sofa to put them in the back,” Evalin said.

“We’ve been careful about the lightning, it’s very clear but not enough to blind you on a summer day. But you won’t need artificial light most of the time,” Lily added.

It was Ben’s turn to speak, “We know how much you like natural lightning. There’s also enough space to set up a coffee shop.”

They kept going, all of them telling her what they thought about the place, but Aelin’s eyes were fixed on the pictures, tears blurring her vision. “What the fuck,” she repeated, her voice much softer this time.

“It’s your library, Fireheart,” Rowan whispered, and it was enough for Aelin to burst into tears, Rowan wrapping his arms around her in an instant.

Aelin had mentioned to her parents her want to open a library in town when they asked her what she wanted to do now that she had quit college. None of them had even told her to go back there, knowing how unhappy and stressful it was for her. Both her parents had instantly agreed with her idea, knowing her deep love for books. Ben, Lily, and Rowan had had the same reaction and all of them were ready to help her. Ben and Evalin with the legal aspect, Rowan with the finance, Lily with her impeccable taste for decoration, and Rhoe by being the supportive father he had always been, promising to help if she ever needed to build something. But Aelin believed it was a project for much later, not for now when she was still fragile…

“You…” Aelin needed a few more seconds to calm down. “You bought this?”

Rhoe’s smile was tender, “Of course, Fireheart.”

It was very hard not to become yet again another mess of tears, “Why?”

Only Rowan seemed to understand the question. Why now? “Because we believe in you, Ae,” he said, and it was too late to hold back. She cried in his arms. “Because you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you deserve the world. So, let’s start with a library.”

Everyone looked at them, knowing Rowan was the one with the most chances to make her understand their faith in her. All of them, her family, believed in her. She wasn’t weak, she was strong and all these people saw it far before she did. The library would need a lot of work before it could even open, but the trust they had in her…it was heartwarming.

She wiped away the tears, “Fuck you all for ruining my makeup.”

They knew she was thanking them. They knew she was more grateful than words could ever express.

❆—❆—❆—❆

Aelin was tired, the food in her belly urging her to go to sleep. Gavriel, his son, and Lysandra had left only her, and Rowan’s parents had stayed to help Aelin and Rowan clean their apartment a little. She was laughing with Lily at something stupid the woman had said when she entered the kitchen, the last plate in her hands. After this one, they were done.

Rowan was talking with Rhoe and Evalin, Aelin’s mother a hand on her heart as she looked at Rowan. The moment they heard Lily and Aelin enter the room, Rowan quickly pocked something, only answering Aelin’s questioning gaze with a smile.

“I think we’re ready to go,” Evalin said. “Thank you so much for tonight.”

Rowan hugged them goodbye, so did Aelin, and soon after, Ben and Lily were gone too. Aelin sighed in relief as she took off her heels, her feet not ready to forgive her for the evening of torture she just put them through. Rowan came from behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist as she watched their fireplace, the crackling of the wood relaxing her.

“I love you,” Aelin whispered, turning around to kiss him.

“Are you happy?” He asked, Aelin nodded.

“So, so much. I don’t deserve you.”

Rowan shook his head, leaning down to steal a few kisses from her. “You deserve the world.”

“So do you,” Aelin said, and it was true. Rowan’s smile made it impossible for them to deepen their kiss, but she didn’t care. “I have one last surprise.”

Rowan raised an eyebrow, “You do, now?”

Aelin nodded, stepping back a little. Her smile was shy as she reach behind her, lowering the zip of her dress. Rowan was mesmerized as her dress fell on the floor, leaving Aelin almost naked, only dressed in a golden lacy bodysuit. “Fuck,” Rowan swore, taking her in.

“I couldn’t really give you that surprise before.”

He grinned, “I guess not.”

He walked to her, his hands finding home on her hips as his nose nuzzled her cheek. “Ro?”

He looked at her then, love and lust in his eyes. He raised an eyebrow, his way to tell her to keep going. “I don’t know what you imagined as perfect, but tonight, after so many good moments with our families… In our new apartment, on our favorite day of the year… This is my definition of perfect.”

Rowan nodded, joy radiating from him. “It’s mine, too.”

Aelin didn’t have time to grin before his lips crashed against hers, changing the tone of their kisses from lovely and sweet to hungry and wanting. His hands drew patterns all over her body, delighting in the unlimited access he had to her. Aelin moaned when he grabbed her backside, flushing her closer to him, no more air circulating between their bodies.

As slowly as she could, Aelin unbuttoned Rowan’s shirt. Her heart went wild at his torso, her eyes admiring his tattoo on his arm. It was their stories, the gift he gave himself for his birthday. There was still some room left, enough room to tell the rest of their stories. Aelin loved this tattoo, but not as much as she loved the man who wore it.

“Ro,” Aelin moaned, his hand caressing one of her breasts.

He arched a brow from where he was kissing right above her chest, What is it?

“I need you,” she whispered, and Rowan growled, going back to her lips. The next thing she knew, they were laying down on their carpet, the fire keeping them warm as they got rid of each other’s clothes. Rowan kissed her down from her cheek to her chest, his lips kissing even the part hidden by the body. Aelin went to get it off, but Rowan stopped her, “Please, let me.”

She nodded, sitting so Rowan would access her back. And as he peeled away the lacy garment from her, Aelin didn’t feel exposed. She just felt Rowan, and their love for each other. Rowan swore as if it was his first time seeing her naked. “You’re so beautiful, Fireheart.”

“I want to see you, too,” she whined, tugging at the waistband of his boxers.

He grinned, “Of course you do.” He kissed her, taking advantage of that time to start knitting at her breasts, the contact extracting a gasp from her. Soon, his hands were replaced by his mouth. His warm lips closing around her peaked end, his tongue slowing turning around it, teasing her.

She couldn’t hold back her moans when his hand found her thigh, slowly stroking her up and up until he came in contact with her core. He swore, giving her nipple one last lick before giving the other one his full attention, one of his knuckles parting her folds.

“Ro,” she threw her head back as the tip of his finger traced a circle around her sensitive bundle of nerves. If she wasn’t lost in her pleasure she’d be ashamed at how wet she was from so little contact. “Please.”

He kissed her, his tongue parting her lips and swallowing her moan when he plunged a finger inside her. Oh, Gods, oh, rutting Gods. She had forgotten how good it felt being touched by Rowan, how electric her body was around him.

He curled his finger in the way she loved, chuckling on her lips as she whined. “Please, please.”

“What do you want, baby?” His voice was rough and deep, clouded in desire.

“You,” she gasped as he pushed another finger in. “Please, Ro, I need you.”

His fingers went faster inside her, the noise couldn’t be described as anything else than obscene. “Come for me and I’ll give it to you.”

Aelin threw her head back, not knowing if she was moaning at his words or because of his digits. He kissed her neck, warm lips sucking on her soft skin. And the knowledge that he was claiming her, that whoever saw her tomorrow would know this man had had his wicked way with her, was enough to send her over the edge. She bit on her bottom lip, dealing with the waves of pleasure, but Rowan was having none of that. He freed her lip, whispering in her ear, “Let me hear you.”

She was too lost in pleasure to feel anything, she had missed the feeling of an orgasm. She felt like she was floating on a cloud, and the thing that brought her back to the human world was Rowan kissing her everywhere. Not to arouse her more than she was, but because it was how he showed his love.

He kissed her lips then, “You were so beautiful.”

It was right then that Aelin decided she liked being praised more than anything in bed. She had let men degrade her, but nothing could ever compare to Rowan’s love.

Aelin decided to take the matter into her own hands, pushing gently on Rowan’s shoulder so he was the one whose back was against the carpet, Aelin’s body on top of him. She’d like to say she had as much patience as he did, but Aelin didn’t. She kissed down his body, quickly reaching his underwear. He lift up his hips, helping her get rid of his last item of clothing and Aelin moaned when she saw him. She had been right in thinking her drunken memory of him didn’t do him justice. He was so… beautiful.

She took him in hand, earning a loud groan from him. Aelin also decided his noises were her new favorite thing about sex. Who cared about their own pleasure when they could be blessed with Rowan’s moan?

As her breath tickled his tip, his hand shot to her shoulder, stopping her before she could take him into her mouth. She looked up, her hand still wrapped around him and she smirked as his eyes rolled into the back of his head at the view. “Yes?”

“Don’t-”

“You don’t want my mouth?” She asked, as innocently as possible.

“Fuck, no, I do. But I also know I won’t last long. So play later.”

She smiled, realizing he was once again thinking of her pleasure. If she hadn’t been so desperate to have him in her she might have told him it was okay, they had all the time in the world tonight. Instead, she nodded, straddling him and bending to kiss him. “Are you sure?” She asked one last time.

He put a hand on the back of her neck, not allowing her to break their kiss. “Aelin, fuck me before I do it for you.”

His words had her moaning, slowly lowering herself on him. Her head was hidden in his neck, focusing on her breathing to forget about the pain. Rowan didn’t move, only stoked her back. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, having adjusted enough to slowly move up and down. She raised herself on his chest, always keeping her hands on his, or she would fall and she started bouncing on her. “You’re so pretty, Ae,” Rowan said, grabbing her breasts.

He let her go at her own rhythm, words of admiration falling from his lips. Somewhere, in a long-lost part of her mind, she realized they hadn’t used a condom, but she was far too gone to care. Both of them were clean. His hands traveled all over her body, grabbing, stroking. She was blind in pleasure as he started thrusting up, hitting that spot inside of Aelin that had her crying out in pleasure. “Ro- Gods, I’m gonna…”

She didn’t finish her sentence, Rowan’s hand slipping between their bodies and started to toy with her clit, forcing another orgasm out of her. She wasn’t too deep in pleasure not to feel him finish, too.

They were breathless, Aelin’s entire body resting on Rowan. They stroked each other, whispering “I love you”s every few minutes. Aelin was perfectly happy, this last boundary crossed. She never wanted this moment to end, happy and content in her lover’s arms.

As he rolled them over, pinning her to the floor, he whispered the most beautiful words she had ever heard in her life, “I want you to be my wife.”

Aelin’s heart stopped beating, her entire body going rigid as she looked down at her boyfriend. His brows were furrowed as if he hadn’t planned on saying that. Aelin swallowed, “Is that a statement, or a question?” She tried to keep the hope hidden in her voice. She hadn’t known she absolutely wanted to marry this man until seconds ago. Until he gave her the possibility of imagining herself as his wife.

Aelin Whitethorn. It sounded good.

Rowan tucked a piece of her behind her ear, his smile turning shy. “What do you want it to be?”

“No.” Aelin shook her head, “No, Rowan Whitethorn, if this is you proposing I forbid you to turn it into some of ‘what do you want’ kind of question.”

He let out a long breath, kissing her quickly before grabbing his pants. “Close your eyes,” he asked her, and she was hesitant to obey but still did, putting both hands in front of her eyes, shielding them. She heard nothing over the beating of her heart, it was happening. Oh, my god.

She felt his hand on her forearm, the signal that she could open her eyes. She gasped. An emerald beautiful ring in front of her, held by Rowan. It wasn’t just an emerald ring, it was… “My mother’s ring,” Aelin breathed. “I adore that ring.”

He smiled, “I know.”

“H-how?”

He shrugged, “I asked your parents a few months ago the authorization to propose, and before you say anything I know you’re a very independent woman but I just wanted to do the right thing for everyone. Your mother cried, your father hugged me. Then, on moving day he gave me the ring. Today they asked me when I was planning on proposing, I told them that I had no idea, I would just know when the moment felt right,” he let out a breathless laugh. “I hadn’t planned on doing this now, but it feels right. So, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, would you do me the honor of making me your husband?”

Such hope in his voice and face, and for the second time of the night, Aelin cried. She cried as she eagerly nodded, ignoring the ring and pressing her lips to Rowan’s, feeling like a kiss was the only way to share how much she wanted this. “Yes, yes, and yes. Thousand times yes.”

Rowan was crying too as he broke the kiss, he couldn’t wait before sliding the ring around Aelin’s finger. It was at her size… He had made the adjustment, and just for that, she kissed him hard, only breaking contact when she couldn’t breathe anymore. “How did you get my mom to give the ring? She loves it.”

He couldn’t stop smiling as he answered, their limbs tangled as he placed a plaid on top of them, this carpet their refuge for the night. “She said a ring was the proof a marriage was working, and she said there wasn’t greatest proof than her daughter being happy. I planned on buying one, but she insisted on us having this one.”

“I love it, Ro,” she whispered, eyes fixed on her ring until he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger,

“And I love you.”

———

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[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~sixth chapter rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Two months later, you sat outside The Daily Bugle and impatiently bounced your leg. While waiting to see if your boss liked your first draft of the Cleatus Kassidy article, you reflected on your past two months in New York.

It was now June. You and Venom had fallen into a routine. You’d work on the Cletus article by day and go patrolling at night. Of course, being Venom wasn’t a nightly occurrence. You’d only go out eating once or twice a week. Still, you managed to have 11 run ins with Spider-Man.

You and Peter had become significantly closer in that past two months as well. You’d help him with his homework, though you secretly thought he was smarter than you, and he helped me with your story. Some nights, he’d visit you on your fire escape and watch the sun go down. You had no idea how he got there, but you didn’t care.

You’d send him science puns while he was at school and he’d bring you food and keep you company when You had writers block. Your favorite was the long talks on the roof. You would sit there for hours and tell each other everything. You knew all his secrets and he knew yours.

Well, not all.

But the best part of all was that every now and then, you’d catch the other staring. Then, the other would stare back until someone, usually Peter, started to lean in. Every time you thought you were finally going to take the next step, something would interrupt you. Whether it was May knocking or Ned barging in or Peters phone ringing. That was another thing about Peter. His damn phone was always ringing and then he’d have to dash off somewhere, leaving you with a random excuse or something about an internship. Sometimes, you’d wish he’d just throw his phone aside and kiss you already.

“Great work so far, L/n.” Your boss tore you away from your thoughts. “I knew you’d be right for the job.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jameson.” You stammered as you stood up. “I really appreciate you giving me this job. I was kinda blackballed back in San Francisco.”

“I know.” He shrugged. “But you ask the hard hitting questions that people want to hear. Once this article is out, I want you to write one on Venom.”

“Venom?” You gulped at her name.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You know that scary black monster that’s been fighting Spiderman? I’m thinking an exposé on that menace webhead and his latest enemy, and I think you’d be perfect for the job.”


“I would love to.” You said quickly. “I’ll start researching right away.”

With that, you turned on your heel and left the building before Venom caused a scene.

“Monster?” Venom roared once you got in your car. “Scary?”

“I know.” You whined. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was gonna call you that.”

“His whole job is reading about the most dangerous criminals in New York. If he thinks we’re scary, what’s Peter gonna think?” Venom asked. You laughed in dismissal until you thought about what he said.

What would Peter think? What if you told Peter who you really were and he ran away? He was sweet and understanding, but how understanding could he possibly be when you tell him you can turn into a flesh eating monster?

That’s when you realized you were scared. You were scared of letting Peter in and him letting himself right out. You were scared of repeating the mistakes you made with Andy. No, not scared.

Petrified.

What if Peter didn’t like what he saw? What if he realized you were too messy to be with? Or had too much baggage? Peter deserved a nice girl. One with a normal family and friends. One without depression. One without a flesh eating symbiote attached to their immune system.

“What’s wrong baby?” Venom asked with concern. She cuddled around your neck and nuzzled into your cheek.

“I can never be with Peter.” You whispered, mostly to yourself. Hot tears of frustration filled your eyes so you looked up to keep them from falling. Admitting it felt like a fatal blow to the stomach. Venom tied your hair up with one of her arms and wiped the tears from your face.

“Why do you say that?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. You didn’t want to tell Venom that you were feeling insecure. She freaked out on you whenever you said something negative about yourself. You didn’t wanna another 100 slide PowerPoint titled “why Y/N L/N is the baddest bitch in the galaxy”. Especially since forty of those slides were just pictures of your butt. You appreciated Venom wanting to help but you were feeling the kind of insecure that a pep talk couldn’t fix. You needed to figure it out on your own. So instead, you told her a different fear you had.

“Because. Look at us. We’re the only thing keeping each other alive.” You reasoned. “What if we get separated and die? I can’t become one of those people in Peters life who loved him and then left him. His mom, his dad, his Uncle Ben. I don’t want to die and leave Peter behind. He’s been through enough. He’d be so much better off without me.”

“We’re not gonna die. You protect me and I protect you. Nothing will hurt us as long as we have each other.” Venom assured you.

“I can’t protect you like you protect me.” You said softly. “I’m just a human. What if something happens to me and you die because of it?”

“Nothing will happen to you, Y/N. I promise. I won’t let it.” Venom swore. You looked at her and gave her a sad smile.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.” You said, but you didn’t promise it. You knew you couldn’t promise it.

“And you can be with Peter.” Venom insisted. “On Klyntar, we mate for life. And we think you’ve found your mate in Peter.”

“What does that mean?” You wondered.

“It means we’ve become attached to him and will never be happy with anyone else.” Venom said. You let out a shaky breath as that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You needed a reason to shut your feelings for Peter down.

“Like soulmates?” You asked.

“Exactly like soulmates.” Venom answered.

“Well what happens on Klyntar if someone is your soulmate but you’re not theirs?”

“Then we go into a cave and mourn until we die alone of heartbreak.” Venom said simply.

“That sounds about right.” You laughed sadly as you took a second to think.

“I’m gonna call that guy back.” You said suddenly.

“What guy?” She asked.

“They guy who asked me out at the coffee shop this morning.” You reminded her.

“The one with the stupid hair? Why would you call him?” Venom asked angrily.

“What was wrong with his hair?” You laughed.

“It was blonde. We like brunette.” Venom said with a devilish grin.

“His hair was fine.” You rolled your eyes. “And I’m gonna call him to say yes to the date.”

“Why would we do that when we like Peter?” Venom whined.

“Because if Peter doesn’t like us, I don’t want to die of heartbreak alone in a cave.” You admitted.

“He does love you.” Venom protested.

“We don’t know that.” You shook your head. “It’s just one date. I need to get back out there anyway. I haven’t gone on a date Andy and I broke up.”

“Fine.” Venom grumbled. “But this is a terrible idea and I’m going to complain the whole time and sing the Les Mis soundtrack in your head.” This was one of those moments where she felt more like your toddler than your symbiote.

You gave the guy a call before driving back to your apartment. As fate would have it, you ran into Peter in the hallway on your way to your room.

“Hey Y/n!” Peter greeted you. “You want to come over later and help me with spanish? I’ll amo you mucho.”

You wanted so badly to say yes but you had to stick to the plan to squash your feelings for Peter.

“Aw, I’m sorry Pete. I wish I could but I have a date tonight.” You frowned, instantly regretting it when you saw the look on his face.

Peter’s heart sank to the floor as he emotions went from feeling devastated to feeling white hot anger in a matter of seconds

“A date?” He sputtered. “With who?”

“Some boy I met at the coffee shop.” You said weakly, knowing you were hurting him.

“Oh.” He said dully. 

“Some boy.” He thought angrily. “Some freaking dirty ass sissy coffee boy asked my girl out.”

Peter felt like hunting the man down and smacking the shit out of him. Or at the very least, webbing him to a wall leaving him there until he missed the date.

“What’s his name?” Peter asked suddenly, wanting to put a name to his new mortal enemy.

“Matt.” You nodded slowly.

“Freaking Matt.” Peter thought. “Freaking dirty ass bitch ass Matt. Was Matt Spider-Man? No. Could Matt treat you as well as I could? Probably. But did he like you as much? No. Did he have inside jokes with you? No. Could he make you laugh your beautiful laugh just by doing a Captain America impression? No. He wasn’t good enough for you. He couldn’t do the things I could do. He was trash. He was a trashy dirty ass rat boy.”

“Interesting.” Peter said, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“I’ll text you when it’s over and maybe I can help you then.” You offered. That sound okay, guapo?”

Peter nodded sadly, not even acknowledging that you called him handsome. Actually, he probably had no idea that you did. He was smart, but only in English.

“That’s fine.” He nodded glumly. “I’ll see you later.”

You watched Peter trudge into his apartment and felt a pain in your heart. He seemed so upset all the sudden. It couldn’t be from your date, could it? It’s not like you told him you got engaged or something. It was one little date. And it’s not like Peter even made a move. He had no reason to be upset. You brushed it off and went into your apartment to get ready.

Just as Venom predicted, the date went horribly wrong. You drove back to the apartment in silence afterwards, leaving Matt to clean himself off back at the restaurant.

“Why did that happen?” You asked her after a long drive in silence. You were mortified from the events of the night but you needed to know why they happened.

“Because he wasn’t your soulmate.” Venom said simply.

“We defiled that boy.”

“It happens.” Venom stated.

“It shouldn’t.” You said, shocked at how nonchalantly she was being.

“But it does.”

You rode the rest of the way in silence, shooting Peter a text before asleep on your couch. You woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat and in tears. You didn’t know it, but Peter was listening to your breathing from his apartment. He had picked up the small cries of his name in your sleep with his superhearing and stayed up to see if you were okay.

You weren’t, by the way. You had had a nightmare that shook you deeply and left you shaking. It was about Peter, but not in a good way. In this dream, he laid injured on the ground after a fight. You were separated from Venom and bleeding out near Peter. You couldn’t do anything to save him. You couldn’t scream for help. And worse, you couldn’t protect him. It caused you great agony to not be able to reach him.

Without giving it another thought, you got off your couch and made your way to the door. You needed to see Peter and tell him how you felt.

You didn’t care about your insecurities anymore. You didn’t care about all the things keeping you apart. You only cared about him, and that was enough. He needed to know that and you couldn’t wait another second.

You swung open your front door, only to find Peter Parker outside it in pink Hello Kitty pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. His hand was raised, like he was about to knock.

“Hey.” you breathed. His hair was tousled and sticking up in random places. He looked heavenly.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

“I was just about to go to your door. I had a bad dream.” You told him. You were anxious to skip the semantics and cut right to the chase. 

The chase being, “I love you and I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

“Yeah, I heard. That’s why I’m here.” Peter explained. That’s not what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say was, “I’m always here if you need me. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. I love you. It’ll be okay.”

Peter looked at you funny for a moment, like he was seeing something beneath the surface.

“She looks so beautiful.” He thought. Makeup free, hair a little messy, and nothing but an oversized sweatshirt to cover you. Peter recognized the sweatshirt as his own, one you had swiped from his laundry basket because you had been freezing while watching Alien in his room. He felt so honored to know that you slept in it. Peter wondered how many times he could fall in love with you in a short span of time. In the past few seconds, he’d fallen about 15 times. Once for every breath you took. And you were breathing quite heavily.

“You heard?” You asked, wondering how he

had possible heard from his apartment.

“My hearing is excellent.” He said quickly. “Are you alright?”

“Please be alright.” He thought. “I’d stop anything that tried to hurt you. I’ll protect you from the storm. Don’t shut me out. Don’t turn me away. Let me love you.”

“Um…” You trailed off and looked behind you at your empty apartment. The darkness looked anything but inviting. You couldn’t go back in there just yet.

“No?” It came out as more of a question.

“No? Do you want to talk about it-“ Peter was cut off when you rushed into his arm and hugged him tightly. He seemed taken aback, seeing as you nearly knocked the wind out of him. But as soon as he found his footing, he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you close. You relaxed in Peters embrace and let out a sigh.

“I had a nightmare.” You croaked. “You died and I couldn’t save you.” 

“I know. It’s okay. You’re awake now. I’m here.” Peter said soothingly. 

“I’ve been here the whole time.” He thought. “I will never abandon you. You are safe in my arms. Nothing can hurt you now. I won’t let it.”

You pulled away a little and looked at his face, seeing how tired it was.

“Would you stay with me?” You asked timidly. You didn’t want him to go. Not now, not ever.

“Always.” Peter answered with a smile. “As if I could ever leave you.”

Your lips lit up in a smile as your eyes fell to his lips. They lingered there for too long, or maybe just long enough. Peter took the hint and slipped his hand behind your neck and began to pull you closer. As your lips were about to touch, your door slammed, causing you to jump out of each other’s embrace.

“Shit balls.” You said immediately, letting out an annoyed sigh.

“What?” Peter asked, giggling a little at your choice of profanity.

“I just locked myself out.” You realized as you jiggled through door handle. Peter laughed louder this time and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Come on. You’re sleeping over.” He said, leading you back to his apartment with his hand on the small of his back.

You entered Peters room for the millionth time, but it felt the first time. Sure, you’d become good friends in the time you’ve lived in the building, but bedrooms were intimate places. The context of you being in Peters bedroom after going to him for comfort changes how you saw the place. After all, bedrooms were windows into the soul. Oh wait, that’s eyes. Still, the room was different. You didn’t feel like you were entering it. You felt like you were returning.

You looked around with a content smile on your face. He still had his academic decathlon posters on his wall, along with a few Avengers posters. Peter was pretty neat, but he was still a teenage boy. Socks and sweaters were strewn across the room. You saw him kicking a pair of boxers under his desk out of the corner of you eye. His room was so cute. It was so…Peter. You noticed a first aid kit on his desk next to his chemistry textbook and wondered what on earth he could be using it for.

“I’ve always liked your room.” You complimented as you touched a decathlon trophy on his dresser.

“Oh thank God.” Peter sighed in relief. “I thought you’d take one look at my nerdy ambiance and run.”

“Star Wars bedsheets?” You asked when you noticed the Death Star poking out under his duvet. You definitely hadn’t seen those before and found them endearing. Peters ears reddened and he fixed his duvet to cover them up.

“Those aren’t mine.” He said quickly.

“Are they Mays? As in May the force be with you?” You played along and he gave you a defeated smile.

“That was the worst thing anyone has ever said. Ever.” Peter joked. You laughed and he gave you a shy smile.

“Fine. They’re my bedsheets. Star Wars is cool, okay?” Peter defended. You took a seat on his bed and shrugged.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Peter. I just didn’t know you were a loser, is all.”You said simply. Peter sat down on the bed next to you and rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. You’re the funniest person I know.” He said sarcastically. You nudged him with your elbow and he and hit you with a Yoda printed pillow.

“Mm. Good with the force you are.” You commented. Peter groaned loudly and told you to shut up.

“Enough playing around. How was your date?” Peter asked as he turned to face you. You could hear the pain in his voice and regretted ever telling him about the date.

“Oh, you know.” You shrugged. “Terrible.”

You weren’t going to let him off the hook that easy. If Peter really did like you and want to be with you, he needed to say it. He couldn’t just grumble and wallow in self pity when you were with another boy. You wanted to test him to see if he’d ever actually admit his feelings, but a part of you was still scared there were no feelings to admit to.

“Really?” He said excitedly. He cleared his throat to cover it up and grunted. “I mean, really?” He asked calmly.

“Yeah it was awful. I definitely won’t be seeing him again.” You sighed sadly, but you weren’t actually sad. You were just putting on a show for Peter. Peter bit the inside of his cheek to stop the smile from emerging.

“That’s terrible.” Peter lied. “What went wrong?”

His acting was equally as bad as your own. He had a shit eating grin on his face, pretending to be sad when he was clearly over the moon.

“It was going fine all night until the kiss.” You sighed dramatically, looking longingly out the window. You might as well have thrown yourself onto the balcony and cried out for Romeo. Peter, however, was buying every second of it.

“You guys kissed?” He asked, his voice heavy with disappointment. He looked miserable. All you wanted to do was throw your arms around his neck and tell him he was the only one for you. Instead, you kept your feelings to yourself and nodded slowly.

“Almost. He leaned in and…” instead of finishing your sentence, you just shrugged. You could tell Peter was on the edge of his seat so you dragged it as long as you could.

“And?” Peter practically begged. You let out another long, dramatic sigh as Peter took a slow sip of his water bottle.

“And I threw up on him.” You said simply. Peter spat out the water in his mouth and burst out laughing, doing his best to cover it up. You gave him a fake angry look but ended up laughing as well.

“What?” Peter laughed.

“He was such a tool.” You whined. “He talked down to me the entire night and then had the audacity to try and kiss me. I don’t know what happened but all the sudden he was leaning in and I was throwing up. He deserved it though. He treated me like was an idiot. I’m almost glad I threw up on him.”

Peters was overjoyed. He was about to say something when we heard a straggled cry of your name.

You and Peter rushed to his peephole and saw a familiar blonde haired boy standing in the hallway.

There he was, Matt, outside your apartment door with his phone on full volume playing “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing.

“What the actual hell?” You wondered out loud. “I better get rid of him.”

“Y/nnnnnn. I’m sorry I was a jerk.” Matt slurred. “Please talk to me. I told the doorman we were cousins. Then I told the elevator guy that I was your husband. You may need to move now. Y/nnnn.”

“You definitely can’t go out there.” Peter shook his head. “He could have a knife.”

“Or worse.” You whispered, making Peter looked at you fearfully. “He could have the same loser bedsheets you do.”

Peter scrunched his nose at you and picked up you swiftly to threw you onto the couch.

“Since when are you so strong?” You laughed in shock. Peter shrugged and held out a hand.

“Let’s go to bed.” He said. You raised an eyebrow and he quickly added, “In a non-sexual, platonic way.”

He was always so cautious of offending you or making you uncomfortable. You appreciated how much of a gentleman he was and knew Aunt May had implemented those qualities in him.

“You can take the bed.” He offered. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Let me know if you need anything.”

You nodded and climbed into his bed, patting the the space next to you.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You told him. “Get in.”

Peter looked at you with wide eyes, looking very unsure of himself as he toyed with the hem of his shirt.

He was torn. He wanted to get into the bed, but he also knew you were vulnerable right now and he didn’t want to take advantage of you. He didn’t want to do anything you’d end up regretting in the morning.

“Get in, in a non-sexual, platonic way.” You added. Peter relaxed but stayed standing. You pretended to splash Peter and twirled your hand around the bedsheets as if they were water.

“Come on in Parker. The waters warm.” You said in a low voice.

“I am…repulsed.” Peter deadpanned. In reality, he was dying to get in the bed. He wasn’t gonna try anything, he just wanted to feel you close. He wanted to comfort you and take the pain of the night away. Finally, he got into the bed and pulled the covers up. He shut off his lamp and we fell into comfortable silence.

“Good night, Peter.” You whispered, turning your back to him and cuddling into his pillow.

“Night, Y/n.” He whispered back. You felt his eyes on the back of your neck still. He didn’t want to close them and fall asleep. He wanted to stay in this moment as long as he could.

You soon felt hesitant arms wrap around your waist. Peter was very unsure of himself and kept his hands loosely on your hips, barely touching. You turned your neck around and looked at him quizzically.

“What the hell are you doing?” You demanded. His hands flew off your waist and his eyes widened with fear. He looked so apologetic, you thought he might cry.

“Do you not know how to cuddle?” You asked before he could blurt out an apology. You grabbed his arms and pulled them tightly around your body. You held his hands in your own, flush against your chest. Peter felt really tense at first and a bit stiff, but he soon relaxed and nestled into your hair.

“You smell really good.” He muttered. You laughed softly against his body, prompting Peter to hold you even tighter.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.” He whispered. He said it so quietly, you figured he thought you had fallen asleep. “Sweet dreams.”

You woke up the next morning in Peter Parker’s arms. Subsequently, you wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of your life in Peter Parker’s arms. You were a mess of tangled limbs and hair but you found yourself firmly in his embrace, inhaling his cologne.

Peters eyes fluttered open suddenly and you were nose to nose.

“Hi.” You said softly, a playful smile resting on your lips. He was so pretty in the morning. He didn’t even have to try.

“Hey.” He chuckled. “This is new.”

“It is new. Is it okay?” You asked him, not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

“Is waking up next to the actual sun okay?” He teased. “Uh yea, Y/n. It’s okay. You can sleep over anytime you like if it means more mornings like this.”

Of course he said that. He held all your strings and knew just how to tug them.

“Did you really not enjoy that date?” He whispered, but in his head thought, “Do you want to be with anyone else?”

You didn’t know why he was whispering, but the look in his eyes told you he was dead serious.

“Not in the slightest.” You answered honestly. What you wanted to say was, “Because it wasn’t with you.”, but you didn’t.

“Would you…would you want to go out with me sometime?” He asked shyly. “I promise I won’t throw up on you.”

He said the second part as if it was the only way you’d say yes to the date, which made you laugh.

“Peter Parker, I have waited exactly 64 days for you to ask me that question and you just had to ruin it by promising you won’t throw up on me?” You playfully scolded as Peters eyes lit up.

“Is that a yes?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s a yes.” You nodded, holding his nearest hand. “It’s always been a yes.”

“Can I-“ He began.

“Don’t ask.” You whispered. “Just do it.”

Peter leaned in slowly and you did the same. His lips had just ghosted yours when Aunt May knocked on the door. He bolted out of bed as you sat up.

“Breakfast is ready. Did you clean your room?” Aunt May called from the other side of the door.

“Yes.” Peter called back. You looked around. No he didn’t

“No you didn’t.” She said knowingly. She didn’t even have to see his room to know it wasn’t clean.

“I’ll clean it after.” He groaned.

“I’m coming in.” She said suddenly, making you and Peter look at each other in fear.

“Don’t! I’m naked.” He screamed.

“Fine. But it better be clean after breakfast. And put some clothes on. You should not be naked at 7 am.” Aunt May said. You heard her footsteps walking away and knew it was safe to speak. You got out of Peters bed as he got up to lock the door, his back still to you as he did it.

“Alright.” He sighed. “That should buy us some ti-“

The second he turned around, he was met with your lips on his. You had your hands on the sides of his face and your head tilted to the left. You felt Peters eyes flutter shut as his eyelashes tickled your cheeks. He was frozen at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer. You melted into him and he melted right back into you. The kiss was short and sweet, but absolutely perfect.

When you pulled away, Peter gave you the softest eyes ever. A grateful smile was on his lips.

“I am so over these interrupted moments.” You laughed softly as you shook your head. Peters eyes twinkled in agreement. The sun was coming through the window and made his brown eyes look like pots of honey. You could stare at them forever.

And then he kissed you again, with confidence this time. He wasn’t ready for the last one since you caught him off guard. You let your fingers tangle in the messy curls at the back of his neck, something you thought you’d only get to dream of doing. Peter groaned slightly into your mouth as you tugged on his hair, indicating that he liked it. He put his hand under your neck and slipped his toungue in your mouth. Who knew Peter Parker knew how to kiss? He tasted like morning breath, spearmint chapstick, and something you could only identify as being exclusively Peter. When you pulled apart, he looked up at the sky and sighed.

“If I wake up and this is all a dream I’m going to fight you.” He said menacingly.

“Did you just threaten God?” You laughed.

“For you? Anthing. I’ll fight anyone for your honor. Our Lord and Savior can catch these hands can square up.” He promised.

“You’ve gone to far.” You joked. “We need to break up.”

“Don’t even joke. I’ve waited too long for this.” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m only teasing. I’ve waited my whole life for you Parker. I’m never letting you go.” You told him. He burst out in a smile and kissed you swiftly, then promptly got down on one knee.

“Will you please be mine, darling? Officially?” He pleaded softly. There was so much hope in his eyes so you pretended to think about it.

“Sorry.” You shrugged. “I’m pretty busy with Matt.”

Peter stood up and gripped your hips, pulling you closer while you let out a small gasp.

“I never want to hear his name again. He had the privilege of taking my girl on a date and treated her poorly?” He raised an eyebrow. “He’s a deadman if I ever see him around here. Now, I need you to tell me you’re my girlfriend before my heart explodes. Tell me you’re mine. I won’t believe it until you say it. ”

You nodded yes as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

“Peter Parker, I always have, and always will be, yours.”

[whumperooni]

pls imagine that after natsuo decided to get revenge and became a fuckboy he also gradually started to get farther away from his cutie of a lil sister! he brings home some bitchy bimbos to fuck and doesn't even notice her anymore so little sister being the adorable thing she is, she becomes very upset and sad that her brother doesn't want her anymore, so who is better to take care of her then papa enji! i want to see natsus face when he realises his plan backfired in the worst way possible!

What else is a little sister supposed to do whenever her nii-chan abandons her? u.u

tw: incest, fuckboy!Natsuo, mentions of drinking and drugs

It starts with one drunk girl that doesn’t make it out on time before Enji can see her. Usually, Natsuo doesn’t bring women home- it feels like something he shouldn’t do; he can’t bring anyone back to that place.

(Not that he hasn’t had any other woman since entwining with you- how could he when he has such an adoring little sister to love and cherish and make squeal with pleasure? Why would he want anyone else?)

But that night? That night he just doesn’t care. Drunken from too many shots and too much cheap beer, he crashes with the girl he had somehow stumbled home with and, in the morning, he fucks her again through their mutual hangovers before sending her off to never come back again.

There’s a twinge of shame and guilt when he passes you in the hallway on the way to show his hookup out. Your wide eyes and disappointment prick at him like tiny needles, the pucker of your brow has him regretful. Whenever he nudges his hookup out of the house and comes back to you, asks you where you slept last night, the mumbled “Shoto-nii’s room” makes him feel even more guilty.

You only sleep in your brother’s long empty room whenever you’re feeling particularly lonely. Natsuo hates when you feel lonely- you should never feel lonely with him around.

He opens his mouth to tell you that he’ll make breakfast for you, that he’ll make up for last night, but he’s cut off whenever a gruff voice comes from behind him and says,

“Don’t bring whores into my house.”

In an instant, Natsuo’s regret gets flipped to rage- just the sound of Enji’s voice makes him want to snap and having him insult his hookup makes it even worse- and he glares at his father- mouth opening to argue only to be ignored as Enji turns around and lumbers off to the kitchen. He barely registers your shocked “daddy” that you gasp out- he’s too focused on his father and the annoyance that had been written all over the man’s face.

Fuck him, Natsuo thinks. Fuck. Him.

His anger is only quelled whenever your hand lightly, nervously touches his and he looks back at you to see your worried expression. It takes a moment for him to calm- lips pressing together and a long, deep breath needed- but he does and he swallows back his anger, his headache to force a small smile your way.

“Have you had breakfast? I’ll make you something.”

A mumbled thank you, nii-san and your fingers lacing through his helps soothe the rest of the lingering irritation. Natsuo tugs you to the kitchen and he tries to forget his father’s face and the satisfaction that had flicked through his anger over it.

──────────────────────────────────────

He brings home another girl a month or two later. It’s not something he sets out to do, no.

But it happens. And the morning after is just about the same as the previous time- only with you more upset when you spot the hickeys all over the girl’s neck and Enji’s glare darker than before, his irritation more pronounced.

The third time is on purpose- something he seeks to do in a tipsy, vindictive rage after a particularly nasty argument with Enji.

He brings home another girl- someone dumb and sweet and just a little trashy- and he fucks her with the intention of making her scream for him, spending the night making her moans fill the estate.

You can’t look him in the eyes in the morning, but he feels no guilt- only satisfaction over the fury on Enji’s face and the way his hands clench and unclench from trying not to slug his son in front of his upset daughter.

Another nasty fight- one that you get caught in.

“-a goddamn disgrace. You think your sister needs to see this? How do you think this looks on me when you’re going around acting like a fool? I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you-”

“Daddy, please! It’s okay! Please don’t-”

“-I’m a disgrace?! That’s rich coming from you. You parade around acting like you’re so superior but all you are is-”

“Natsuo-nii! Please stop! Daddy doesn’t mean-”

“Don’t you turn this around on me, boy.”

In the end, Natsuo stomps off with red cheeks and gritted teeth- turning his back on his glaring father and his teary eyed little sister.

He stomps off and all he can think is I’ll show you a goddamn disgrace.

──────────────────────────────────────

Life for Natsuo quickly becomes a mess of clubs, hookups, hangovers, and arguments. With every girl he brings home, his father only gets more and more angry- fire bursting out in quick jets when he finds a pair of discarded panties on the lawn, some dumb slut eating at the table draped over his son’s lap, vodka bottles and condoms in the trash.

The fights get worse and worse. Natsuo starts staying away from home- only coming back to drag some girl home to rile his father up and to sometimes spend time with you whenever his guilt over your tears and upset becomes too much. He makes new friends with this new direction in life- crude boys he used to stay away from, men who fondle their girl’s tits right in front of everyone while talking about weed and parties and who has access to molly, who can get good coke.

They’re bad influences. He knows it. He knows.

But he doesn’t stay away from them. Soon enough he’s drawn into partying along with clubbing- weed and booze and more and more giggling sluts that want to ride his dick, suck him off.

One night he gets drunk enough to steal his father’s credit card and buy henny for everyone, weed and an obnoxiously expensive dinner, a solid gold chain that his flavor for the night talks him into buying despite Natsuo never wearing something like that before.

He doesn’t go home that night, but he ends up in someone’s penthouse and wakes up at four in the afternoon- classes missed and a whole block of time missing from his memory. It’s only when he checks his phone that he realizes what all has happened- snapchat showing him reeling and laughing, joking about his father’s money being blown.

It also shows him getting some sloppy head in some restroom he can’t remember. It shows him, too, that he had filmed a girl riding his dick- that he had spanked her ass and turned his phone around to show the world a drunken grin and bloodshot eyes, a gold chain around his neck.

Watching it is surreal. He knows that it’s him doing all those things, but he just can’t quite connect it at the same time. He’s never been into that stuff before- he’s never wanted to be into that stuff before. It makes something bitter and uneasy settle on his tongue, something uncomfortable weigh down his stomach.

He tries to ignore it and he checks the rest of his notifications- quickly swiping away Fuyumi’s worried texts and the messages on snapchat. There’s nothing from his father to be seen and that’s a relief that he pretends he doesn’t feel.

There is a little popup that sounds during his scrolling that shows that you’ve posted and Natsuo opens it almost absently, blinks whenever he sees a photo of a nice lunch captioned with Lunch with daddy💕

The daddy makes him scowl, but something in him twinges- guilt, a touch of sadness. He can’t remember the last time he talked to you, the last time he held you close. He used to be with you daily- hands holding yours, kisses pressed to your cheek and lips and forehead often, your cuddly body warming his late at night and holding him snug inside after a sweet ravishing. It’s been so long since he’s been with his little sister- it almost feels like that past affection had been a dream.

Guilt eats away at him and Natsuo runs his hand through his hair, buries his face into his palms after.

What have you been doing while he’s been fucking around? Sleeping in his bed because you miss him? Seeking comfort somewhere else- with someone else? Who has been taking care of you?

Your lunch post flashes through his mind and Natsuo feels sick then- knots twisting in his stomach whenever he thinks about who else you love in your life.

The last time he had been at home, you had clung to Enji- barely trying to break up the fight and sniffling through it, burying your face into your father’s chest.

You had clung to him then- are you clinging to him now?

Natsuo swallows and he stands from the bed, ignores the sleepy mumble that sounds off behind him.

It’s robotic how he dresses and drives home- sunglasses doing nothing to prevent a throbbing headache as he clenches the steering wheel and tries not to throw up last night’s indulgence all over his lap.

Getting home makes his stomach feel even worse, but he pushes it all down and forces himself to walk inside the house- mind racing as he tries to think of where you could be right now.

He finds out whenever he hears a loud gasp and a moan of “daddy.”

He doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to see. His body and mind don’t connect, though, and his feet move automatically- one in front of the other until he’s in the doorway of the kitchen.

There’s flour on the floor from where it’s been knocked off the counter. Plates in the sink and magnets on the fridge he doesn’t remember ever seeing. A new mixer tucked away in the corner and daffodils in a vase on the windowsill.

And there’s you too- perched on the counter with your apron and the skirt of your sundress flipped up, mouth open with a cry, cheeks flushed pretty and sweet as Enji curls his thick fingers inside your cunny.

“D-Daddy! Please! More!”

“Shh; I’ve got you, little one.”

Bile rises in Natsuo’s throat as he watches you mewl and arch- hands reaching for your father and lips pressing against his needily whenever he gathers you in his arms and starts to slowly slip inside of you.

“L-love you, daddy,” you sob. “Love you- please- please don’t ever- don’t leave me...”

“I will never leave you, little one,” Enji promises gruffly as he spreads you apart and makes you whimper. “Never.”

Turquoise eyes flit to the side and Natsuo freezes in the doorway whenever they lock onto his - heart breaking and shame flooding through him in thick, hot waves when his sweet, sweet little sister who he loves and has neglected begins to mewl “daddy, daddy, daddy!”

Tears prick at Natsuo and he turns from the kitchen- walks away with a hand covering his mouth and his body bent forward as he struggles not to heave.

He drove you into Enji’s arms. He drove his sweet, beloved little sister into the arms of the man he hates the most. He neglected you for what- bimbos and booze and petty revenge?

God, he’s so fucking stupid.

Natsuo stumbles into the bathroom and he grips the sink tight- eyes wet and bloodshot whenever he looks in the mirror, face pale and neck mottled with hickeys, the stupid chain mocking him as it shines in the light of the bathroom. Far off, he can hear you moaning and Natsuo grits his teeth as he glares at himself in the mirror.

He really is a disgrace.

[theladyofdeath]

Killer {Feysand}

31 Days of Halloween: Day 20.

All installments co-written with @snelbz​

Based on a prompt sent in by anon :  “ There’s a serial killer in town and I just heard a noise upstairs in my house, please can I hide in your house until the cops come? “

Warning: language, “scary” details. 

Autumn/Halloween 2020 {Collection}

Feyre had just settled down on the couch with a glass of wine when she heard a thump from the second floor of her house. She ignored it and began flipping through the channels, trying to decide if she should watch a trashy reality show or that new baking competition that had started a few weeks back.

After all the Real Housewives of wherever the hell she could take, Feyre downed her wine and headed into the kitchen for a refill. As she was tossing the empty bottle into the trash can, she noticed her back door was unlocked, something extremely uncommon. She never went out on her back deck, only in the summer when her sisters and friends would come by.

A chill shot down her spine, but Feyre opened the door and looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of place…save for the back gate which was wide open.

Feyre quickly shut and re-locked the door, picking her glass of wine up and made her way back into the living room. She decided to go with the baking competition, flipping through the channels until she found what she was looking for.

Except she didn’t. She ended up on one of the local news networks, listening to a chilling story about a serial killer who’d claimed the lives of five women in the past few weeks. All in their mid twenties, and they all lived alone. The killer had gotten in through an unlocked back door and would lie in wait for them to come to bed, sometimes for hours.

Another thump came from upstairs, this one sounding like a heavy footstep and Feyre was up and out the front door.

She looked around, noticing that all the houses of the neighbors she knew were dark, but there was one house, a few down from hers… The porch light was on.

Without grabbing anything, Feyre was running. She hurried down the sidewalk, not stopping for anything, until she was up on his porch, banging on his front door.

He opened it a minute later, and before he could say anything, Feyre was sweeping past him, into his house. She could hardly breathe, couldn’t control the rising and falling of her chest.

Her neighbor didn’t say a word. He simply shut the door and turned to face her.

“Water?”

She nodded, her hand on her chest, feeling the quick beating of her heart. 

He retrieved a glass from the kitchen cabinet and filled it with water from the fridge before carrying it to where she stood just inside his door. She drank, slowly, then closed her eyes.

“There’s a serial killer in town and I just heard a noise upstairs in my house, please can I hide in your house until the cops come?” The words rushed out of her, quickly, running into one another.

He blinked. “I...Yes, of course, you alright? I mean...what?”

“I guess, I mean,” she took a deep breath and drank the rest of the water. “I didn’t see anyone or anything, I just-.” She didn’t want to tell this stranger too much about herself, but he had a kind - and very, very handsome - face. “I live by myself. I heard something up there and I have no idea what it could be.”

“Do you…want me to go check it out?” He offered, and Feyre blinked. “That way you don’t have to worry about police poking through your stuff and having to file a police report or anything.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to do that, it could be dangerous or-.”

“I don’t mind,” he smiled. “I’m Rhys, by the way.”

Feyre blushed. She just barged into this random man’s house and hadn’t even taken a moment to introduce herself. “Feyre,” she said, holding her hand out.

“I’ll go take a look, yeah?” He said, shaking it in his own. He lifted his shirt slightly, revealing the gun in his waistband. “I can take care of myself. I promise. If I see anything strange, I’ll call the police, okay?”

She nodded and he was gone, jogging down the street to her own house.

It wasn’t until later, she realized he’d have no idea what could or couldn’t be considered strange in her home, but just a few minutes after he left, she heard her front door opening and closing. Rhys was walking back down the sidewalk towards her, a smirk on his face. “I assume you don’t have a cat?” He called, when he was about halfway back.

Her answer came out as more of a question than it should have, because no, she definitely did not have a cat. “No?”

“Well,” he chuckled. “You do now.”

It was then that Feyre noticed the tiny black ball of fur in his hands.

She gaped, reaching out to scratch the kitten behind the ears. “This….was what was making all that noise?”

“I assume so,” Rhysand said, the kitten cradled against his chest. “I didn’t see anything else, or anyone else.” 

“But it was so...loud,” Feyre said, quietly. “He’s adorable.” If it was a he. Feyre didn’t bother to check. She would save such a moment for when she and the little furball were a little more acquainted. “Thank you, for doing that. You didn’t have to.” 

“No worries,” he said, peering down at the kitten. “I’ve actually been meaning to come introduce myself. I just moved in a few days ago, and it seems you’re friends with my cousin.” 

Feyre lifted a brow. “Your cousin?” 

“Mor?” he said, meeting her gaze.

His gaze had her speechless. “Ah, yes, Mor.” Feyre and Mor worked together. Mor was her closest work friend, and had been for three years. “Well, I’ll have to tell Mor that her cousin was very brave tonight.”

“In my defense, the culprit wasn’t very intimidating,” Rhysand chuckled, looking back down to the kitten.

Feyre laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. “I feel silly for rushing over here now, considering.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rhys said, with a smile. “You’re young, you live alone, I get it.”

Feyre sighed. “Hopefully they catch this guy soon. I haven’t been on my evening jog in weeks. I’m too scared.”

“Nah, he only attacks at home, you’re safe on your run.”

Feyre smiled. “I hadn’t thought of it like that, you’re right.”

Rhys scratched the kitten on the head and said, “As long as you lock your doors, you’ll be fine.” He looked up at her. “You should name this little guy Killer. It’d be fitting.”

She laughed again. “I guess I should, uh-.” She reached for the kitten.

Rhys blinked. “Oh, right,” he chuckled, handing the small ball of fur to her. He immediately mewed as soon as he was in Feyre’s hand. 

“I guess we’re making an emergency trip to the pet store,” Feyre said, holding the kitten up and looking into its little eyes. It meowed again.

“I’ll have Mor text you my number,” Rhysand said, smiling as Feyre stepped back toward the door. “You know, in case you need me to come check your house for stray cats again.”

Feyre laughed, softly. “I’d like that. Thank you, again. Truly.” 

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, and stepped to the side, letting her out. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” Feyre smiled, and she was hoping he meant it.

He was a gentleman, watching her walk down the sidewalk to her own house before waving and going back into his own, making sure she got inside safely. It had Feyre smiling the whole time she got her things together, getting ready to go get the necessities for her new little Killer. When she went to grab her purse off her kitchen table though, the smile fell.

Her back door had been unlocked.

[tinyboxxtink]

Build Me Up Buttercup *Part 5*

WARNING: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault, please read at your own discretion. Also, I’m sorry these last two chapters have been kind of dark but next chapter will be super fluff I promise!

If you need to catch up:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

Tag List: @wanniiieeee

....And you just ran out?”

Your roommate’s judgement came through loud and clear, even through the phone.

“Yes! What the hell was I supposed to do?!” You tried defending your actions. You called them to feel better, not worse.

“Well, first of all you shouldn’t have LIED,” They kept their snarky tone.

“I didn’t LIE….per say,” You paced back and forth, twirling your hair in your fingers nervously. The silence after your statement was like you could SEE their faces just giving you “that” look.

“Oh okay what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh hey yeah you’re right Fin, I was an absolute party wreck until I couldn’t be anymore’?”

“I mean I don’t--” You heard footsteps coming up behind you, so you swung your phone to your side, cutting off their sentence.

You turned to see Rafael standing there, that permanent concerned look for you pasted on his face.

“Hey...are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just needed some air,” You tried your best to stay calm and nonchalant.

“Are you sure? Because you--” He started to say something but you quickly interjected.

“Actually you know what Barba I’m kind of on the phone right now, can I meet you back inside?” You motioned with your phone, kicking yourself for being cold to him right now but you couldn’t deal with anything else at the moment.

“I...uh...yeah, sure,” He shook his head with an awkward smile, and walked back inside. Relieved, you put the phone back up to your ear.

“Aww, how cute. Barba cares!” your BFF’s voice cooed through the speaker.

“Yeah, in like a ‘dad caring’ kind of way,” you rolled your eyes.

“Oooof, I wouldn’t start throwing that term around, we might have to start talking about ‘daddy issues’, Y/N,” they giggled.

“SERIOUSLY?” You practically screeched into the phone, thanking every god you could think of that Rafael had gone inside before that comment.

“I’m just sayin! I’m ALSO saying that you need to go back in there and tell your squad the truth,” they returned to a very serious tone.

“Yeah I guess…” You sighed, knowing they were right.

“And I’m sorry I can’t be there with you holding your hand while you do it babe. But…”

“But what?”

“But maybe Rafael can?”

“Jesus, can you please be serious right now?”

“I am being serious! You just told me he helped you calm down earlier, and that wasn��t even half traumatic as this is gonna be,” They insisted.

“I don’t….how…?” Your face scrunched up trying to think of NON creepy ways you'd ask for someone's hand.

“Whatever, do what you want; But I do suggest telling them. Clearly you're not going to be able to keep this under wraps, and I doubt you want to keep freaking out on your co-workers. Trust them, trust RAFAEL,”

You sighed again, you knew they were right. Olivia said it herself, it was important to have a squad you trusted.

“Alright I’ll call you later,”

“You better!”

You took a deep breath and walked back into the bar, your hands shaking as you reached your booth. The group all started to speak, but you put your hand up.

“No just-- Let me talk. Fin, I am so sorry,” You addressed Fin, who shook his head in a “don't worry about it” manner.

“No, I really am. I’m sorry I freaked out on you and I’m sorry...I lied. Kind of,” the squad again looked at you in total confusion.

“God….okay, how do I….? Um….”

You started trying to form sentences in your head, words jumbled around in your brain. You started to panic again, when you felt a hand grip yours under the table. You snapped your eyes open and looked next to you where Rafael had taken your hand. He gave a small, supportive smile making you suddenly feel at ease.

“Okay. So, like I said I was pretty much a ‘caged’ child. I was homeschooled, I didn’t have any friends, just academics. Being born a ‘prodigy’ sounds good on paper, but I just always felt like a show pony. Or an alien experiment. People were always coming by to check out the ‘genius 5 year old’ play Mozart, or ‘the brilliant 10 year old finish calculus problems in under 30 seconds’.”

You took a deep breath, watching their listening faces. Too much detail hon, get there faster.

“Um, anyway. I graduated ‘high school’ at fifteen years old. I had barely made it through puberty, and I was already done with my academic childhood. Obviously, I wanted to immediately enroll in college, if for no other reason than to get away from my insanely controlling parents. But big surprise, they had a problem with it. It took me a minute to convince them that it was the right next step, full ride scholarships to literally any school in the country helped. And I mean, ANY school. All the Ivy leagues sent out their top recruiters to speak with my parents about having the ‘prodigy’ attending their establishment.

So with that, I was able to convince my parents that I knew what was best for me. I told them I was smarter than them, so clearly I could parent myself better. And God help them, they believed me,” You had to pause again, tears catching your throat. Rafael gently started rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“So, I started at NYU that fall, just after my sixteenth birthday. Sixteen years old, the only child in a university full of adults,”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Sonny whispered to Amanda who nodded in agreement.

“So I got paired with this room mate Layla, who was the polar opposite of myself. She was gorgeous, totally socially gifted, but dumb as a rock. Her daddy had paid her way into the school,” you rolled your eyes just thinking about her.

“And truth be told I loved her at first, because she was the sweetest girl. My first ever real friend. She took me under her wing and gave me a complete makeover; socially and physically. I had NEVER had guys look at me the way they did after she helped me. It was....intoxicating.” You paused in shame, picking at your jacket.

“So, naturally, I wanted to hang out with my friend. My ONLY friend. And hanging out with her meant going to all the coolest parties, frats and sororities. I was SIXTEEN, I didn’t….I didn’t think,”  You bit your lip and stared at the floor for a moment before continuing.

“I lost my virginity at those parties,” you muttered quietly, and to your surprise the team started reacting.

“Wha-- Wait wait wait, guys that’s….that’s not even the bad part yet,” you gulped. Jesus the judgement was quickly getting real.

“Anyway I...was pretty much a huge party girl slut,” you shrugged. “I’d go and party, and hook up with random guys, and never thought twice about it because I thought ‘that’s what college girls do’,” You scoffed at your younger self for even having that notion. How could you be that smart and that stupid at the same time? It was baffling.

“And one night, it bit me in the ass,” You sighed, here comes the hard part.

“I don’t...I usually got so wasted that I didn’t CARE who I was having sex with and most of the time never remembered WHO it was anyway but-- but I’m pretty sure that night I didn’t want to,” You breathed out and looked up, willing the tears on the rims of your eyes to go back in where they came from. Rafael’s hand gripped yours tighter, making you feel safe.

“But it is what it is, this guy did what he did and left me on the floor in a frat house,” You scoffed again, this time tears dripping down your face. You couldn’t believe there was a time that you had been that pathetic, to just be left laying on the floor like a blow up doll.

“I guess Layla found me and took me home, because I woke up in my own bed. But I had bruises and hickeys ALL over my body, and just….brutal stuff,” You trailed off while you picked at your food, not wanting to go into any more detail.

Suddenly, as if turning on a light switch, your entire demeanor snapped back into ‘normal mode’, you wiped the stray tears away and cleared your throat. You were

“AHEM So...anyway, after….that, I told Layla that I couldn’t hang out with her anymore if that’s all we were going to do, and she understood. She didn’t like it, but she understood. The next semester I got a new roommate who was pretty much like myself, boring and socially inept, so I went back to the thing I knew best-- academics. I changed my major from biochemical engineering to law, because I didn’t want anyone else to go through what I went through without a voice. And after that, and a WHOLE lotta therapy, I just pushed that whole semester I lost deep, DEEP down, you know like a totally healthy person,” You tried playing it off with a laugh, but they weren’t amused.

“But...just thinking about Mary Fahey,” you sighed. “That girl had everything going for her, she was probably really smart and had a whole life ahead of her. She made the bad decision ONCE, to go to a frat party and she’s DEAD. Meanwhile, I was a stupid slut for a whole semester and the worst I got was bruised up and a pregnancy scare.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re saying what I think you’re saying,” Amanda gave you a look.

“What? That I should have been killed? Well why not? Why HER?” You protested, sipping your hurricane. It was unsettling to the squad how little you seemed to care about yourself.

“....I knew there was more to it in the bathroom,” you heard Rafael’s soft voice beside you.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t know how to tell you,” You looked at him with apologetic eyes. “I didn’t want you to think I was...trashy,”

“Ok now hold up” Fin interrupted.

“First of all, you need to stop throwing words like ‘slut’ and ‘trash’ around, especially about yourself, Y/N,” he took your hand.

“You said it yourself, people make mistakes. Hell if I worried about the amount of dumb shit I did when I was a kid I wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning,”

You had to break into a small sad smile after he said that, nodding your head in an understanding manner.

“And whether or not it was a one time thing or a ‘phase’, no one ever deserves to be assaulted for overdoing it at a party, or anywhere else,” Olivia chimed in. “EVER.”

“Exactly what the Sarge said. Assault is NEVER ok, in ANY circumstance. Even when you think you were ‘slutty’ by sleeping around, those guys are accountable too.” Sonny added. “Taking advantage of an inebriated woman is not okay,”

“AND it was statutory!” Rafael finally spoke up, his fists clenched. It was as if it had taken this entire time for him to fully process your story, and now that he did he was PISSED.

“Okay, Rafa, calm down,” Olivia placed a hand over his.

“No Liv, these guys should all be in prison for having sex with an incapacitated SIXTEEN YEAR OLD”

“Will you knock it off, counselor?” You hit his arm. “I didn’t tell you that story so you would go after a bunch of random idiots for something that happened over 10 years ago!”

“Well they should pay!” Rafael yelled again, but after you softly stroked his shoulder, he seemed to calm down.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Rafa,” you warily threw out the pet name, happy when he responded with a small smile. “But I’m over it. Mostly. On days that aren’t like this,” you added with a joking laugh, trying to ease the tension.

“Well, I really appreciate you telling us the truth, N/A,” Olivia nodded at you, the others followed suit. 

You gave the first genuine smile since you came back in, looking at Rafael. He took your hand once again under the table, giving it three small squeezes. Before you knew what you were doing, your head was dropping onto his shoulder and you were scooting closer into him.

“Get a squad you can trust, right?”

[thebeatleaesthetic]

Paul McCartney on John Lennon’s Sexuality [Quotes]

[wordcount: 1.3 k]

I don't think [the gay claims] are true. John never ever tried anything, I slept with him a million times. I've seen him on tour roaring drunk, out of his mind in the early days before he sobered up and went to rehab. Roaring drunk and it was always with a female, never once [with a man]. If you've got a little gay tendency and you’re roaring drunk I'd have caught him once.

— Paul McCartney (from The Sun)

That was the intimacy we had. We would always be walking in on each other and things. I’d walked in on John and seen a little bottom bobbing up and down with a girl underneath him. It was perfectly normal: you’d go, ‘Oh shit, sorry,’ and back out the room... 

That’s why I’ve always found very strange the theory that John was gay. Because over fifteen years of sharing rooms, sharing our lives, not one of us has an incident to relate of catching John with a boy. I would have thought that kind of thing would be more prevalent, and John’s inhibitions were certainly free when he was drunk.

...

So there was the homosexual thing - I’m not sure John did anything but we certainly gave him a lot of grief when he got back [from Spain with Brian].

...

There has been a suggestion since that John had some homosexual thing with Brian, but I personally doubt it. All the intimate moments we shared were always about girls. 

— Paul McCartney (from The Beatles Anthology book)

The funny thing is when later the rumour came out that John was gay, I said: 'I don't think so.' I mean, I don't know what he did when he went to New York, but certainly not in any of my experiences. We used to sleep together, top and tail it, you know. I always used to say: 'Come on, I would have spotted something here.' But what I spotted was completely the opposite. It was just chicks, chicks, chicks.

— Paul McCartney (from The Guardian 2007 interview with Pete Doherty)

But I--I mean, I hear [Peter Brown] said John Lennon had a gay thing with Brian Epstein when they went to Spain together once.  That's been rumored for years. I mean, was he in the room with them? It's probably just wishful thinking on his part. But I'll tell you what's naughty about it--that John's not here to answer it, and neither is Brian. All that stuff that's written about us, I just hope that people who've sort of heard of our music, vaguely, know what the Beatles, or the ex-Beatles, were--and it wasn't what's been written. I mean, John's time and effort were, in the main, spent on pretty honorable stuff. 

— Paul McCartney (from the Playboy 1984 interview)

I don't actually know the truth of the John [and Brian Epstein relationship] rumor. I mean, all I can ever say about that is that I slept with John a lot just 'cause you--you had to sleep and you know you didn't have, you know, more than one bed. And, um, to my knowledge John was never gay. It might've been--I've suspected that the John thing and Brian was a power play on John. 'Cause John was a very political animal. And John I suspect went away on that, uh, Spanish holiday, wherever it was, number one 'cause nobody went on holiday so anyone--I would've gone. Anyone would've gone. Off a free holiday? You're kidding. Yes! I'm there. Number two, I'm sure John took Brian aside and said "Hey, you wanna deal with this group, I'm the guy you deal with. Okay?" John was that kind of guy. Very sensible, very pragmatic. So I'm sure that was the main reason John went there. Now as to whether there was any sort of gay dalliance or whatever, I don't know. That's--that's--that’s, uh, I can't tell you that... And I say, he never hit on me at all. You know, there was never any question of it at all. And I say, we lived so intimately together that there would've been one evening when he's sort of drunk and so and so and so, would've been in his character to do that...

— Paul McCartney (from the Beatle Stories channel)

I slept in a million hotel rooms, as we all did, with John and there was never any hint that he was gay...

When the group was formed John was a smart cookie. Brian Epstein was going on holiday to Spain and Brian was gay. He invited John along. John, not being stupid, saw his opportunity to impress upon Mr Epstein who was the boss of this group. And I think that's why John went on holiday. And good luck to him, too - he was that kind of guy, he wanted Brian to know who he should listen to in this group, and that was the relationship...

So they say he went on holiday with someone who was known to be gay and therefore he is gay.

— Paul McCartney (from Lennon, Ray Coleman)

I think where [Albert Goldman in his John Lennon biography] started to exaggerate and says that John was possibly homosexual. I think that he throws that in with the truth and it starts to have the same credence as the real truth... But, um, there's a bit about me where John's supposed to come around to my house and put his foot through a picture or something. Well, I mean, it never happened you know. So if one of them never happened it's quite possible that a lot of stuff in the book never happened. And I say, if he’s homosexual, I'd have thought he'd made a pass at me in 20 years, darling!

— Paul McCartney (from The Today Show 1988)

You know, that rumor [about John being gay] came out a long time ago and the thing was, the person that started the rumor or the book that it was in, he didn't know John. Whereas I did. So I--I said to people, you know around about that time, said, "Look. I was on tour with John. I grew up with John. We kind of--we slept in the same bed in hotel rooms. We topped and tailed it like kids do, you know, when you're growing up." And I said, "I never once did I see any hint of that." Now, you know, we spent drunken nights together. I think there would've been a hint. Don't you? Somewhere. If he was gay, I think there would've just been a hint, somewhere. But it was a rumor started, uh, years ago that I--I think is a nice story if you can make it stick, but I don't think it's true.

— Paul McCartney (on The Howard Stern Show)

Stern: Here's what [Philip Norman’s] book claimed: Your sexuality was so powerful over [John], he was so enamored of you, so attracted to you, almost... McCartney: Wow. Stern: ... that you could have your way with him. Not sexually... Quivers: Did you feel a power over him? McCartney: No. Stern: ... that in business. That you had a--that--that he was sort of at your mercy because he was so in love with you. That was the theory in the book. McCartney: Well, you know, I mean I--I like that theory. Stern: Yeah [laughs]. Wish that could've been true. McCartney: No, man. Stern: No, not to have sex, but to be able to control him more because it would've been a little bit easier, business-wise. McCartney: No, but--but Howard, listen man. You can make up theories about anything... I mean, you know, we can make up anything. And that is really, particularly with The Beatles, that is what happens. They just take one tiny fragment of evidence and they blow it up into a book, even.

— Paul McCartney appears on The Howard Stern Show

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If I were to insert my own personal take on this...

I think part of the reason Paul is insistent on John’s heterosexuality (other than because he never saw John as gay) is because Paul found Albert Goldman’s, Philip Norman’s and Peter Brown’s biographies ‘trashy’. As he said when speaking about Goldman’s book in 1988: “For me, I just think it’s trash.” The rumors were around before the books’ release, but I think they - particularly Goldman - widely spread the theory among the public and elaborated on it. Paul claims there are lies in the books and he’s commented before that he strongly dislikes when people ‘cash in’ on the Beatle story with made up information. Especially when it was old friends, like Peter Brown.

As far as I can tell, Paul is also a bit protective of John’s image. To quote him from the Today Show: “[John] isn’t here to defend himself. I think that’s the big problem with a book like [Goldman’s]. It’s too cheap a shot, I think.” Remember that this book was released not even ten years after John’s death, when his name must’ve been a hot-ticket, and it’s obvious John wasn’t there to respond to any claims. John used to be asked about his relationship with Brian, denying that anything happened between them. But in these books, it was no longer asking John directly if he were gay; it was speculating that John was gay and strongly suggesting it to the reader. I think Paul feels the need to talk about what John was really like, even clarifying things like John’s flawed nature, or that John wouldn’t have wanted to be a martyr. John’s sexuality is something deeply personal and accusing him of being gay even more so. Paul must see himself as one of the few people who knew John well enough to comment on such personal things like that - which is why he says things like “I mean, was he in the room with them? It's probably just wishful thinking on his part” about Brown writing on John’s trip to Spain. I think he must find spreading rumors like that a bit presumptuous. 

And of course there’s the thought that John might’ve been attracted to Paul himself. I think Paul values his memories of John’s friendship to the highest degree. So, when he hears people turning it into something else entirely, he almost immediately goes “No, no” in very clear and firm terms as he did on The Howard Stern show. 

I know there is a variety of opinions on this subject, but that’s just mine!

[lavander-aavaros]

twitter com/ann_ellipsis/status/1427858887533813762 - here's a link to an aitada shipper going into the "90s bl vibes" which is what I mean. Including "trash seme" and talking about how Adam abuses his employees and abuses Tadashi. It's complimentary of the ship but I'm still seeing this as people mentioning how it's toxic and that Adam is an abusive boss and "seme". That is the common way it's shipped.

Okay? And this has what exactly to do with me? Good for them? I’m glad that person is having fun with the ship? What do you want me to say? I don’t understand the issue here

I think I’ve made my interpretation of them pretty clear and said I don’t agree with every interpretation out there

It’s not really the “common” way, given how easy it is for me to find fics (completed fics!) that directly oppose the “trash seme” trope, you just gotta follow different people

And what exactly is your problem with people liking the “trashy seme stereotype”? If someone has fun with Adam’s character that way… that’s fine. Let them? This interpretation of Adam doesn’t hurt you in any way, you don’t even like him so you can’t claim they’re “tainting your poor boy”

Stop focusing on things you don’t like and go read fluffy yellow/blue fanfics or whatever pleases you

Here’s a link that actually works in case anyone is curious