#...I mean as far as spoilers goes it's super light but it counts I guess

[greengargouille]

Those past MarriageToxin chapters have been really interesting (especially as I was finding the Beast Island Arc rather long), so I was intrigued to see this part wrapped up soon But oh booooy, the designs they choose for Kinosaki and the new target are really going straight to my tastes. Buttoned shirt and business pant might seems bland but I love it so much on women (or... whatever is going on with Kinosaki (I need to make a post about Kinosaki actually I have thoughts on him)).

[tsarisfanfiction]

21 Asks: Fanfiction Q&A

Well I got tagged by @onereyofstarlight @gumnut-logic and @janetm74 for this, so here goes (answering on fic blog, because... fic!)

This is going to take a while, but it’s also going to be fun, so let’s get started :D

1. What fandoms have you written for?

Uhh... several.  In alphabetical order because that makes my brain happy, we have:

Published: Bleach, Boku no Hero Academia (My Hero Academia), D.Gray-Man, Detective Conan, Flight Rising, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Märchen Awakens Romance (MÄR), Mortal Instruments, Naruto, One Piece, Team Fortress 2, Thunderbirds, Twilight.

WIPs (Unpublished): Avatar: The Last Airbender, Dragon Orb, Flame of Recca, HunterXHunter, Inuyasha, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures (Part 7/Steel Ball Run), Kuroko no Basuke (Kuroko’s Basketball), MI High, Yu-Gi-Oh (Duel Monsters, GX, 5Ds), Yuri On Ice

A couple of those are only because of crossovers... which we’ll get to later.  Similarly, a bunch of the unpublished I have no plans to publish, but I’ve written them so they count in my head.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

AO3: 150 FFN: 149 (the difference is due to a co-authored fic with @lenle-g on AO3, because FFN doesn’t support co-authorship)

(Tumblr has many more because so many of those fics are actually fic collections)

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on AO3 &/or favs on FFNet?

AO3 Kudos:

Tales From The Heart (1449)

The Combat School (524)

Succor (348)

FFN Favourites:

The Combat School (681)

Tales From The Heart (185)

Succor (136)

4.  Which 3 fics have the least kudos & favs?

AO3 Kudos:

Wishes of the Dark (0)

4am Forever / Leave Out All The Rest (2)

FFN Favourites:

A Little Fall of Rain / He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, Leave Out All The Rest / See You In The Sky / Stolen Shadows all have 0

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

AO3 Comments:

Tales From The Heart (618)

37 have 0

FFN Reviews:

The Combat School (608)

After Sundown / Heroes Made of Gas / Splatter / Stolen Shadows (0)

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

I mean, I always like attention :P  That’s a hard question because my fandoms vary wildly in size, so for example, while Tales is one of my most popular fics, it’s still pretty tiny in comparison to the big One Piece fics out there, but ones like Grounded numerically barely rate while actually getting the attention of a much larger proportion of the fandom.

Honestly the fic that’s getting less of a response than I’d hoped is still incomplete... but I think I’ll go with Vulnerabilities.  It’s an older fic, and a drabble collection rather than a cohesive story, but it never really got any traction.

7. Have you written any crossovers?

Ah yes, crossovers.  I’ve got three published at the moment:

The Combat School (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Vampire vs. Shinobi (Naruto/Twilight)

Stolen Shadows (Flight Rising/Thunderbirds)

As far as WIPs go, I have (who knows when or if I’ll actually finish or post these):

Alliance (Naruto/Team Fortress 2)

Black Phoenix (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Legend of the Exorcists (D.Gray-Man/Yu-Gi-Oh/GX/5Ds)

Untitled (Avatar: The Last Airbender/Thunderbirds)

Untitled (Inuyasha/Lord of the Rings)

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

What even counts as crazy?

Okay, I say that, but Vampire vs. Shinobi is a stupid, Twilight-bashing, parody crossover thing so.  Probably that.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

Ahaha.  There are a few.  All of these have MCD warnings (two are canonical), two of which are suicide, so watch out if you’re poking around:

Deception (canon)

I Promised

The Fish and the Mermaid

The Light That Shines Twice As Bright... (suicide)

Torture (suicide)

Unwanted

Whirlwind (canon)

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Tsari likes positive endings.  I’m not actually sure what the happiest is, though.  I often write... hopeful, rather than happy?  The happiest I can think of... is a WIP that I have the ending planned for but that’s spoilers~

I’ll go with Riding the Dragon, I think.  But honestly just take your pick out of the family fluff.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

Tsari does not post smut.  She has written some, she has not posted it and will keep it that way.

Out of the posted stuff... there is kissing in Briefings?

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I think when you hit 100+ fics, you’re lucky if you don’t.  I’ve had a few here and there, but they’re ignorable

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

Oh boy.  I have had many nice comments, but I am going to highlight this one in particular because it’s the one that forever and always springs to mind when I get asked this:

Wow. That was pretty great. You writing managed to keep everyone in character, and still kept the story from falling flat. It's almost as if you stole a page from Cassie's story, and stuck it here. I really want to see more from you.

On: A Tradition of Pride

It’s nowhere near the longest I’ve got, and long comments make me super happy, but this one?  Being told it fits in with the original book?  Makes me beam like an idiot every time.

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

[insert eyeroll here]

I have had fics reposted, yes.  Tales From The Heart and Whirlwind have both found themselves posted on sites I don’t use - I managed to get Tales taken down, but the site hosting Whirlwind isn’t paying me any attention.

15.  How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Nine, which is both too many and not as many as I thought.  Although if you ignore the collection fics - Tales From The Heart and Behind The Scenes, which are basically eternal wips - it’s seven.

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Just A Bruise, because it’s already just about finished, @lenle-g and I just need to tie up the final chapter and editing the rest of it before it’s posted.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Long Way From Home, because it’s going to be huge and finishing that will feel amazing.  But it’s going to take a long time.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Nope.  I will, one day, finish all of them.  Yes, even Uchiha Itachi.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

Complete?  None.  However, the above mentioned Uchiha Itachi is being (very slowly) rewritten - and is actually on its second rewrite - because it pains me in its current state.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Asking the hard questions I see.  I have a soft spot for In Your Shadow, I admit, although I have several fics that I love (mostly my Military Bros stuff...).  Also Tales, although that’s technically not “Complete”.

21. What’s your total published word count?

AO3: 956,962 (I aim to break 1 million by the end of the year... just watch me!)

FFN: 1,102,070 (FFN counts author’s notes, AO3 does not)

If someone is brand new to your writing, what work would you want them to start with to get to know you, your style, what you’re all about?

This is not a numbered question, I see, but it was on the post I copied these from, so I guess this is 21+1 questions!

I’ve answered this before, and honestly I think I’d stick with the same answer - Black Widow.  It’s not my biggest fandom.  It’s not my most recent work.  But it does contain a lot of playing around canon without breaking it.

Although, if someone has the time, Tales From The Heart does great for showcasing the range of things I write.  But that’s also 250+ chapters, so probably not a good one to start with.

And this is where I tag people, yes?  Not entirely sure who’s been tagged already, but let’s go with @lenle-g @ak47stylegirl @thetwelvecaesars @gaviiadastra @willow-salix @scribeofred

[something-very-special]

Call Her Back

Probably already a post with this title from the Let’s Play but it’s appropriate.

Thoughts on Replicant up to Ending A (and change):

This game is pretty. I guess it didn’t really hit me because I’ve always thought that the original NIER was pretty, but this game can be very pretty.

This in particular just kind of struck me as I was going across the Northern Plains. It had been dominantly gray, overcast skies up to that point because Part II of the game is meant to be. You know. Bleak. But I walked out onto a bright, sunny day with an expanse of blues skies, the mountains in the backgrounds, the ivy a burst of green growing up the rusted sides of the train tracks and it just kind of hit me that the game can be very pretty.

(Then I got punched out by a Shade.)

It’s definitely not a matter of massive graphical overhaul. The models look much better (getting a good look at the Twins during the finale, they really are beautiful) and I’m sure the environmental poly count is much higher and just overall smoother, and there are little touches here and there and just the capacity for better atmospheric lighting... I mean it all helps. But NIER is a game that’s always had fantastic art direction, making the most out of its budget through atmospheric tuning. There’s something uniquely beautiful about its muted palette and the way it uses its spaces that elevates it beyond the its actual technical limitations. It doesn’t look like an end-of-generation PS4 game, but that’s not an insult; it looks very much like itself from ten years ago, with its solid art direction, but touched up where it matters.

Does the sidequest grind seem... better...? I haven’t really dug into the BEST part of the game (spending 30 hours grinding out weapon upgrades) but I mentioned before my theory about how the sidequest grind is supposed to be carried out across multiple playthroughs and that’s why it sucks. To my surprise I finished Ending A missing only one sidequest (your friend and mine, Life in the Sands), with all of the other ones being more or less... pretty natural? The only thing I really needed to go out of my way for was Memory Alloy but all the other components didn’t really give me the kind of grief I remember from my playthroughs of the original. ‘Grief’ of course being relative to getting the platinum trophy, but my first time through the game I gave up finishing a few outstanding sidequests (specifically, fixing the lighthouse broke me-- I could not find 10 Mysterious Switches!)

Maybe I just got lucky, especially with the Machine Oils. Maybe some weird muscle memory kicked in. I feel like there were a few purchasing options that weren’t open originally, too, to ameliorate some of the grind, but it might also be a case of those options being cost-prohibitive so I just didn’t really acknowledge them... whatever the case the sidequest grind felt overall pretty painless. I dunno!

I really need to know how to manipulate events. For literally seven playthroughs straight of the latter half of the game I always did the keystone quest as Junk Heap (start) - Forest of Myth - Junk Heap (end) - Facade - Aerie. It wasn’t until I did a run with my college roommates and Popola gave me the Aerie letter before the Facade in invite that I realized the Aerie wasn’t actually programmed to be the last event.

Absolutely blew my mind, and ever since I became aware of it, it feels like the game goes out of its way to make sure the Aerie always comes before Facade. When I did my Let’s Play of NIER I kept a save file from the start of the kystone collection so I could re-do the events in case they went ‘out of order’ (according to my headcanon)... which they did. I replayed the latter half of the game again in order to get things the way I wanted them to be, same order, and fortunately it cooperated the second time, but I still don’t understand what the trigger is, if there’s a way to manipulate it, or when the determination is even made.

And then they throw the Little Mermaid into the mix, which I wasn’t expecting (that is, I knew it was added, but I’ve been mostly avoiding spoilers -- and happily, the changes have largely been a delight, I’m so excited for the subsequent playthroughs -- but the way it was posted about made it seem like it would happen after and apart from the keystone quest. Not so, my friends).

The reason for this is just the emotional escalation of each factor of the quest. The Forest of Myth is weird and little else (at this juncture, of course). The Junk Heap is a personal tragedy, but the actual tragedy has already occurred and you’re just experiencing the fallout. Facade is a powerful and personal tragedy that deserves to be experienced later on. The Aerie is a terrible place and nobody misses it it’s an enormous loss and profoundly traumatic for the party, and it feels like the appropriate apex to basically force them to go to the Castle and finish the fight, having already lost far too much.

Also it’s just super weird to me that they see that devastation, they literally wipe an entire settlement off the map, and then the next day everybody’s super excited to go to a wedding.

It also becomes even weirder that you go to Popola post-Aerie and nobody mentions ‘yeah that didn’t go so well’ but coming out of Seafront they have a legitimate conversation about the loss of the ferryman and the people they’re never getting back. I guess that guy had a personality but I still think maybe somebody should mention the smoking crater where people used to be.

Then again it’s legitimately funny to me how basically everybody is just agreed the world is better off without it.

This might also just be an issue of familiarity. Maybe if I’d always ended on Facade, or actually known that they could be swapped out as they are, it wouldn’t feel so weird. I definitely got used to the pacing with the Aerie at the end and I feel like I got into a debate with somebody about how it’s more appropriate for Facade to come last so this might just be a personal thing. But it’s still a personal thing and I’m still vaguely irritated I can’t figure out how it works.

Anyway I blew up the Aerie So that’s that problem taken care of.

I feel like the ambiance surrounding Wendy was a little creepier this time. I swear I heard that good stock creepy child laughter in the background.

Then the ferryman left This was a nice bit of foreshadowing; following the Aerie events I wanted to hop over to Seafront to take care of an extant sidequest only to find the ferry dock in the Northern Plains empty. I thought that maybe this was just a weird way of railroading you to make sure you went through the Village first, even though there were no scenes that would trigger just by being in the Village.

Alas.

Not gonna lie, when the couple was first introduced I thought for SURE it was going to be the wife who wound up dead. I guess it’s because the guy had a purpose as an NPC so yeah, I was tricked. Good design decision; the ferryman is talkative and bright and definitely difficult to forget and even though he was kinda obnoxious there’s a definite void where his dialogue was. It’s clever too that you’re forced to use the ferry at least once so you can’t escape the dialogue that you’re presented with, meaning that even if you don’t really make use of the ferry you’ll always have that contrast between him at the start of Part II and the other guy (his brother, maybe?) taking over the job and just not really talking to you afterward.

Episode Mermaid First of all, to be clear, I’ve not done the Route B playthrough yet. All I know about the Little Mermaid is what’s presented on the surface, what can be gleaned from there, what I remember reading in the Grimoire NieR short story. This is very much just an impression and reaction to the first encounter and it’s pretty cool.

I like that they managed to go into yet another genre style aping a point-and-click adventure.

I like the atmosphere of the wrecked ship. It really brought me back to the ‘ghost ship’ level archetype with its little hints of spookiness.

I appreciate that it ties subtly in to the Haunted Manor (technically the Part I Seafront dungeon) with Weiss’ utterly irrational fear of ghosts.

I love every excuse they find to get Kaine and Emil (and especially Kaine) out of a situation. It’s almost a running gag that Kaine keeps getting knocked out of dungeons and boss fights. None of them are quite as great as her getting Rules Lawyer’d in the Barren Temple, but there’s something delightful about “Let’s get you some fresh air, we’ll be right outside, be careful!” and then bookending it with Kaine and Emil just chilling at the end like “Well yeah there are a lot of holes in the hull we just popped in.”

(I forgot to go backward to see what happens if you try to take them into Seafront proper, gotta remember that next time.)

Interesting thing when you find some of the dropped apples is that Nier and Weiss talk about the dinner they had with the couple. This was actually a really sweet and oddly emotional conclusion to the added sidequest between the bickering couple-- entirely missable. I would assume the dialogue just doesn’t trigger if you didn’t do the quest but it was a nice touch.

I appreciate the use of dead bodies in the hold.

(That’s a sentence.)

But for the game’s focus on violence and excess of blood it’s very selective in how it uses actual corpses. Any time you see a dead body it really emphasizes the seriousness of the situation. The corpses in the hold and the blood spatter -- especially compared to how bright and clean Seafront as a whole is -- was surprisingly effective. Again, just good atmospheric buildup.

Bit of an anticlimax as a boss, though. It is a really cool boss, between the environmental buildup to the fight and then actually unveiling her, but for how big and scary she is the fight itself went by fairly quick, and the actual finale (the postman whacking her hand telling her to go away she’s groooooss) felt a bit weird in comparison to the way the boss fights in the rest of the game usually play out. Of course, I don’t have context of her dialogue (I can take my guesses, her holding out her hand to Hans as he freaks out and attacks her is already a palpable tragedy) and by the way the scene was framed I suspect the Route B reveal is where the most important part of the scenario lies.

And the seals came back! It’s the little things.

“I wish I was Fyra.” So in the original Replicant the conversation between Emil and Nier before Sech’s wedding was apparently an implication that Emil had a crush on Nier and wanted to marry him. It was ambiguous enough that people had to ask for clarification and some players interpreted it as a weird, childish expression of looking up to and respecting Brother Nier. It was clarified in the Grimoire NieR that Emil is gay and crushing hard on Brother Nier, and this line of dialogue here seems to have been... not made explicit, but changed even between RepliCant and ver. 1.22 to make the implication a little clearer, at least insofar as he isn’t interested in girls. (It winds up missing the implication that he’s into Nier specifically, though.)

...which is funny, because it colors his introduction to the King of Facade somewhat differently. These two meeting is honestly really sweet on a few levels (Sechs recognizing him from Nier’s descriptions, which implies that Nier’s been visiting Sechs regularly and so proud of his interactions with Emil he told the king of another nation all about him, and the King is legit excited to meet him) but then a couple of minutes later Emil is all ‘I’m so jealous of Fyra’. He isn’t crushing on Nier, but he is totally crushing on Sechs.

Endgame At this point in the game the distinction between Brother and Father has become mostly lost and the final charge is pretty much the same as

wait what’s up with the music in the Lost Shrine? This is Snow in Summer.

Or an arrangement thereof. That particular track level from Snow in Summer winds up getting used in a few new places and it has this kind of weird, vague sense of dread that makes it work pretty well. Utterly threw me off in the Lost Shrine, though (I think it’s appropriate given its connection to the Shadowlord/Gestalt Nier so slowly re-introducing it in the climb is pretty cool). It also builds insanely as you climb, which is a very cool effect but, um, I’m just here to pick up some sidequest items right now this feels like a little much.

There isn’t much to say regarding any impact or differences in the large part of this area of the game. It’s a good final dungeon, it carries good momentum, it works as well as it ever did (that is to say, rather well). The emotional beats are great and translate equally well between the protagonists, although I have to give the nod to Papa Nier during a lot of this just for the imagery of such a big, powerful man becoming so broken the further he goes in (and Kaine being strong enough to toss him around like a rag doll anyway).

The final flashback with Nier and Yonah also feels better with Papa Nier. I always read it as, of course, Papa Nier having his moment with Yonah, giving her the flower, and as he lays back down Yonah does the same big sigh like she’s trying to emulate her dad and it’s really sweet. This is another one of those moments where it’s not something that feels wrong in Replicant, but just having that comparison in the back of my head is something that I just can’t help.

Is Papa Nier still Best Neir? Yes.

But there’s room in my heart for Brother. I’m glad the bizarre marketing decision happened and both of these characters can exist.

...and then we reload the save. Okay, okay, so-- so here’s the thing-- I figured that’s a good place to conclude a session, right? Get to the ending, prepare for the next run. But I also know that Route B starts with Kaine’s unskippable novel segments. I’ve read them, of course, so I figure I’ll just reload into Route B so I can make a save after the novel sections, really get into the meat of Route B when I’m fresh.

So skim through those--

Beat up the Knave--

Skim through the rest--

Educated Warrior... didn’t pop...?--

Wait what’s this camera angle--

Why am I outs--

oh my god

oh my god

KAINE AND EMIL HAVING GIGGLY GIRL TALK AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

THERE’S MORE.

THERE’S. MORE.

I legit short-circuited. Going in I knew they added the Little Mermaid. I knew they added Ending E. Those were things I suspected would be added and went out to specifically confirm; beyond that I’ve been keeping myself completely spoiler free.

I had no idea there was more. I had no idea this was happening.

I’m so excited.

And a goofy thought for the road

“I polished you with a special cloth, I poured warm water on you--”

“Wait, you poured water on me?”

/imagines Emil running blindfolded eight hours across the Southern Plains with an 8oz plastic water cup, getting to the library, splashing it on Kaine, waiting expectantly

/nothing happens

/walks dejectedly eight hours all the way back to the Manor

[qwirk]

*vigilantes ch. ~64 and main manga ch. ~255 spoilers*

although idk if these are really spoilers if these chapters came out a couple years ago! anime-only fans beware. anyway here’s my extremely long rant about the obvious, not trying to explain anything- i gotta yell!

so that vigilantes arc destroyed me! i’m not good at immediately putting thoughts about media into coherent points but i’m just so sad :( first of all after catching up with the main manga, shirakumo, despite being technically dead during his introduction, rocketed up to one of my favorite if not my favorite character. aizawa is also up there for me- he was first introduced as this strict teacher who seemed to psychologically torment his students for the fun of it, or at least for some yet unknown ulterior motive. but we now know that, while still kinda harsh, he does this to give his students that lead-dropping-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach rush in order to push them to succeed (or something like that?). he truly cares about his students and their growth which has been demonstrated multiple clear times. but what drives him to be like this??

shirakumo!! his actions today are a clear answer to the pushes shirakumo gave him back when they were students. they’re so obviously influenced by shirakumo that they’re almost literally answers. the main chapters are a little foggy because i speedread them at 3 am, but i just caught up with vigilantes. 

at the start, aizawa sees himself as someone who’s constantly just behind and will stay there as everyone moves on. he trudges into class drenched after leaving the kitten behind and he’s super emo about it. meanwhile, shirakumo literally flies through the window, also drenched, saved not only the kitten but aizawa’s umbrella, and manages to put on this cheery (albeit borderline explicit) show about it. it’s a CLEAR contrast between the two and aizawa goes as far to say that he hasn’t reached his “true self yet” while he looks at shirakumo and then says that he starts to change. 

as if it’s not enough for aizawa to beat himself up mentally, his classmates bring him down for not having a “heroic” enough quirk. shirakumo is constantly stepping in to bring him back up, even during real work study stuff, and goes as far to lend him a pair of his goggles so that his eyes become more useful. this becomes a stronger bonding point between aizawa, shirakumo, and hizaishi for them to start looking to the future together. while wearing those goggles, which are protecting his sight from the strong winds on the roof, he stares into the sky, feeling like he’s getting swept into the future like the clouds in the wind. (also the clouds as a metaphor. damn)

and then we come to the last fight. everyone that aizawa looks up to is crushed in the wake of the villain, and he’s the last one standing. there’s a group of children to protect, and he’s panicking and drowning in his overthinking. the way he’s given a huge panel to himself only to be visually overwhelmed by his thought bubbles stood out to me. and then the thing that snaps him out is shirakumo’s voice cheering him on. it’s a bunch of simple praise, but it means everything in the situation. the friend who’s been pulling him up no matter how hopeless or apathetic aizawa feels is of course the one to spur him into action in a life-or-death situation. aizawa realizes he’s gotta fight immediately, and even reminds himself of exactly what shirakumo told him- that his quirk IS useful and levels the playing field. 

i was already kinda spoiled for this part since i read the main manga first, but hearing shirakumo’s cheering the entire time while aizawa is absolutely toiling to defeat this huge villain would have been touching regardless. and when he lands in triumph, hurting but victorious, he screams for his friend to hear that he did it!! but then you see this joy start to like. rot away as soon as it pans to kayama and hizaishi. it’s raining again (THE CLOUDS AS A METAPHOR! DAMN!). shirakumo’s corpse is lying feet away from him, staining the medics’ sheet with blood. i don’t have much to say about this part, it was just a lot for me to process!! also i’m still not entirely sure about the way his speaker works so i might be wrong here, but did he really spend his dying moments with a traumatic head injury cheering on his friend to not only beat the immediate danger, but to self-realization?? or maybe it was prerecorded? idk but either way, truly a hero. 

aizawa and hizaishi are left standing in the rain because once again, “it fits the mood.” so obviously there’s the callback to when aizawa first said that when he comes to class after leaving the kitten and i have yet to fully comprehend it because i have no braincells for interpreting media. i guess maybe it’s like- aizawa at first felt terrible for not being able to save even a kitten while being enrolled in the most prestigious hero course in the country. getting drenched while settling with (what he considers to be) a cowardly measure is the icing to the cake for his self-hatred. it’s the classic “this might as well happen” scenario to get soaked by random rain or a car splashing you with a puddle on a bad morning. rain is sad. but in comes shirakumo, equally drenched but still the bright light that he is. he’s also done everything aizawa couldn’t but wanted to and more in this situation. he could do it not just because of his storing quirk, but because he held the life of someone who needed saving more important than the school rules. this decorum lets the kitten slide as it makes itself at home in the classroom. the rain stops soon after. but then you have shirakumo’s death. once again, aizawa, and even hizaishi, who’s usually always upbeat (almost every panel of him was just him screaming YEAHHHHH. plz give him more dialogue) both agree that the pouring rain fits the mood. this also brings us back to the present that preceded the flashback- koichi just rescued a cat and a child from a villain with aizawa’s help, and now they’re standing under an awning to escape the rain. this situation is literally almost exactly what happened at the beginning of the flashback which is why i guess it brought it on, but it’s interesting to see what changed- aizawa is the one who’s learned from this situation and teaching the student the meaning of responsibility (using an abandoned cat as an example, no less), and they’re all properly shielded from the elements this time. i guess the conclusion (that could be totally wrong) i’m coming to is that the rain sort of represents the adversaries aizawa faces in life- his self-deprecation, those that don’t believe in him, his personal failures that he has been facing lately. shirakumo has always been there to guide him past it, and once he lifts up aizawa nothing can shake him again. but now that he’s definitively gone, it’s back to haunt him for this one last moment of sheer grief. it’s only this one moment though, as aizawa clearly uses this moment to move on and better himself not just for his sake, but for everyone counting on him. he’s escaped the rain.

it’s so clear how this manifests in the main manga and i’m so happy vigilantes was able to spin out such a good backstory and explanation for his actions!! one of the most immediate ways we see his ideals stand out is his taking in of shinsou as his apprentice from general studies. it’s absolutely because he sees himself in this boy. he has a quirk that’s seemingly useless once you get into combat and everyone thinks he’s a creep for it. more people might even wary around shinsou than aizawa’s case. during the a vs. b practice fights, shinsou explains what he did wrong, clearly upset at himself for not doing enough. aizawa immediately pulls himself up, reminding him that in order to achieve what he just said, he’d have to be a pro, and that what he managed was more than enough. these parallels between aizawa and shinsou are definitely hinted at in the main story, like when midoriya underestimate’s his prowess in combat at usj, but with the vigilantes arc everything is so much clearer. in the main manga, we get a direct reference of aizawa’s expulsion rate in relation to how it helps students grow when they face “’death’” as he’s interrogating kurogiri. though dramatic, i feel like it has to be linked to the dire situation aizawa faced when the pro heros and shirakumo got knocked out during that one fight because of its placement in the chapter. he understands better than most in the story that a lot of times pushes, whether big or small, are needed to grow. he wants to be to his students what shirakumo was to him.

OK EDIT because i didn’t realize there was more to the arc after 64 lol. so obviously after shirakumo dies aizawa’s and hizaishi’s dreams of starting a triple hero agency have been dashed. aizawa seems to distance himself from hizaishi, or at least they’re on uneasy speaking terms. he’s coping by training super hard and is bent on going solo after graduation, the opposite of what they had all planned. but this time, he has conviction on what he’s going to do with himself, and that’s great! he learns that you have to be there for yourself in life. there’s a small montage leading from graduation to where is now in vigilantes and it’s been hard, but he’s been making it. still a lone wolf as ever, aside from the pushes from kayama to become teachers with her and hizaishi at ua. he thinks doing that would be a stupid choice for him, he’s been alone this whole time and doesn’t work well with others (anymore, he thinks). but now that he’s in the cafe with everyone, he changes seeing everyone fawn over the cat but their new dreams of being a popular cat cafe. 

the impact of seeing their newfound hope brings him back to another flashback of the rooftop trio, and THE PARALLELS!!! of them also dreaming to start their hero agency based on their first rescue of sushi the cat. back in the present, aizawa, who’s been spacing off, suddenly realizes the sky and his mind have cleared (THE CLOUDS KEEP COMING BACK AS A METAPHOR!!! if this happens in the main story i’ll cry). i’m still not 100% sure of what exactly makes the dots connect for him, but it’s been hinted through the flashbacks and his reactions to the rescued cat that he’s actually a good teacher himself, though he had been mainly shown to have learned from others around him. he drilled husbandry requirements into shirakumo and interrogated koichi about responsibility as if they were second nature. i think aizawa realized that he’s actually always had a soft spot for watching people grow and do good things and wants to be a part of facilitating that. or at least because he wasn’t able to accomplish doing good with his friends originally, he wants to help other accomplish the goal he couldn’t. also the fact that kayama still sends him updates on sushi isn’t just really nice of her, but it’s also another representation of how aizawa’s convictions he developed as a student still drive him to do what he does today.

MY MAIN POINT IS: aizawa really loves shirakumo. to have so much of his character based in the lessons he purposefully or inadvertently taught him is an amazing testament to that appreciation. aizawa never emotes except for the occasional creepy smile when he psychologically toys with 1a, but the emotion he displayed during the interrogation really caught me by surprise. the apathetic emo character suddenly being truly happy or sad is a cliche but this panel right fucking here was so powerful to me:

yeah his eyes are always bloodshot as a trademark to his quirk, but the emotional EXHAUSTION written on his face is so starkly different than his usual boredom. this feeling that horikoshi illustrates in two small panels is so human that it’s instantly recognizable deep in our hearts. we’ve all been in those heavy and direly serious moments that wrack our mental and emotional fortitudes, where the only response manageable without hideously breaking down is some subtle motion of the hand or crinkle of the face. we all know what this means without understanding the japanese onomatopoeia or needing additional dialogue. before i read vigilantes, i still immediately understood what this man meant to aizawa. and that’s why i love shirakumo so much!! we all know at least a little how aizawa used to feel as a student, and to have someone constantly pushing you and acting as such a light in your moments of darkness is something so incredibly special. i really hope they’re able to get him out of his nomu state so those three can finally become heros together :’)

god!!!!!!!!!!

[0poole]

Soul

Breaking news, everyone: Pixar made another slapper.

I’m gonna get it out of the way first, but the only (and yes, only. Not like someone trying to say “only” even though they have many more nitpicks that they just don’t want to talk about) problem I had at all was that the super high realism of the settings of Earth kind of made the more cartoony faces of the people look a little more off. But, it’s kinda like the same thing people were talking about with that cat in Toy Story 4. It looks super real, which is impressive, but I feel like it was almost too real compared to the faces. Obviously it was too real compared to the supernatural settings because that was intentional, but yeah. It’s not even a big problem, it’s just the only one I can think of. I do think the realistic renderings of hair, light, water, etc at least work with cartoony stuff, but apart from that it looked almost like it could’ve been a photograph, with no exaggeration in the buildings or anything else.

I mean, I love the faces, so I definitely wish they went the extra mile showing extra personality and character in the buildings, as faces do with characters. Considering the faces matter like a bazillion times more, I still think they knocked it out of the park on the visuals. People with more investment and knowledge into the topic already said that the faces of any of the people of color felt cartoony and unique while also being true to life and respectful (My family recently stumbled onto some old animations from the 30s and lemme tell ya... We’ve come a long way), but seriously the characters that sold me on the visuals were the Picasso-esque beings who may or may not be the Gods of the universe maybe?

Spoiler boundary of course. It’s definitely worth a watch.

And that’s honestly what made the realistic world so much better. When the accountant guy went into the real world to set the count right, it was one of the most fun I’ve had just watching something. The sheer contrast between him and the world was so much fun, and it even solidified that those beings weren’t even acting in a different dimension or anything. They’re literally just beings that exist, meaning that all the other parts with the unborn souls and such are just as real as Earth. Or, even better, they’re the ones who can just casually rip a hole in dimensions. As far as depictions of Gods go, if they are even Gods at all, I think they’re one of the best I’ve ever seen. They feel like they could actually be how Gods actually exist, since all the commonalities of Gods involve supernatural power, which would suggest they’re supernatural themselves. I mean, I have a story with Gods in it too and they’re basically just that although admittedly a lot less imaginative.

With those guys being my favorite design, second place definitely goes to the lost souls, although obviously for more subjective reasons. 1) They’re purple, 2) They have one eye, 3) That eye is yellow which I always think is the best compliment to purple, 4) Tentacles, 5) Creepy in a kid’s movie. Franky, I would’ve made them a lot creepier, but even then they’re super creepy, if not visually then in their behavior. They’d just be kind of sad if they were just mumbling around, but since the first introduction to them starts charging at the main characters like a deranged monster. Considering how weird everything in that dimension is, finding something that isn’t nearly as innocent as everything else instantly invokes fear, since you have no idea what that thing can and wants to do to you. Sort of similar, I would’ve also made the “In the Zone” moments a bit more crazy and colorful, like when Joe fell through the void between the road to the Great Beyond and the You-seminar (is that how it’s spelled?), but these “I would do it differently”s might just be a fault of my design ideas or just subjective interests. I would’ve watched 2 hours of pure, nonsensical abstract worlds like the You-seminar with no explanation to how they work.

I definitely have a relief with the story, mostly entirely revolving around 22′s character. I was kind of worried she’d be too childish to really enjoy, but I feel like she was done really well. All the major historical figures’ remarks on how hopeless she were both funny and also really tied into her character “flaw” at the end as she was a lost soul. It might not be the most unique character archetype of all time, but it definitely makes sense, with all the people bringing her down implanting in her mind that she was an anomaly, and after a while was just sort of following it. Plus, she seemed genuinely interested in Joe’s weirdness, instead of being super mindlessly irreverent. And her being able to expand Joe’s understanding about his own world, like with the barber and his student, brings her up as more than a whiny, bratty child in the scope of the story. She didn’t JUST learn.

Even though I kind of expected it from the get-go, I’m also relieved that the movie didn’t shy away as much with the dark elements of death. It was kind of suggested that this wasn’t going to be a perfectly casual romp through a magical afterlife like Inside Out was with the mind because of the unborn souls unabashedly saying “Hell” in the TRAILER of the movie. I feel like that alone made the story super interesting, because it shows they’re actually going to be a bit more serious with things instead of just simplifying the unknowable complexities of the before & afterlife. Even with the dead souls going into the Great Beyond, it was a mix of being weirdly peaceful for some and super scary for others. My family thought it was peaceful for the most part, but my mom specifically though it was terrifying, and even though it’s a lot more peaceful than almost all other depictions of death, I can’t blame her. The souls were just kinda accepting it, like they’d been brainwashed or something, but still acknowledged that they were dead and were going into the afterlife. Plus, Joe, being the main character who we are supposed to sort of reflect in a way, was super freaked out by it, so that could easily suggest it’s to be afraid of and the other people are the weird ones.

I think the true message of the story being so strange was better too, because it would’ve been so boring if it fell into a super basic message we’ve heard millions of times. I feel like it has a similar sentiment to the basic messages, but is at least a more interesting way of saying it, if it is even like that in the first place, because it’s also somewhat vague in a good way. I think my brother/mother misinterpreted and simplified things a bit too much, where they thought it was sort of like a happier way of saying “accept your lot in life and don’t change it.” I could probably go on a full other rant about why I think this is wrong, but part of it is I don’t really know how they came to this conclusion in the first place, considering with that scene with that guy who threw the computers off his desk as his lost soul was cured (I guess you could call it that?), who obviously realized he wasn’t okay with his lot in life and was destined to change it. I think they sort of misinterpreted “the spark” and other things it as a 100% for-real, this-is-how-the-real-world-works sort of way, and not as much as a fictional way of saying things. Not necessarily symbolic, but I guess symbolic also? It has some of the same weird logical problems as the Cutie Marks from My Little Pony, except they’re obviously better since Cutie Marks determine your life down to your very job some of the time, while “sparks” are more vague and seemingly up to you. They’re more like when an unborn soul realizes there’s something on Earth they want to figure out, not necessarily their hobbies or jobs. For example, they kind of cited the barber character as the one who supported their point, but I think he does the complete opposite. He wanted to be a vet, but he ended up being a barber. But, they sort of assumed his “spark” was to be a barber, and that his personal interests didn’t matter because the “spark” forced him into a less favorable job. But, in reality, I feel like his “spark” is more his interest in love for the people around him, which is why he decided to get a more practical job to support his daughter (wife? one of the two) when he really needed to. Plus, he still enjoys being a barber because his devotion to love lets him connect to people as he cuts their hair. After all, he seems to be succeeding in his goal, since Joe was just like “Hey, let’s go see this guy he’s the exact guy we need!” People who don’t show love and interest for others don’t make that kind of impression in people’s minds. I feel like if we knew each story of everyone’s life down to the last detail we could fully determine what the mechanics of the world and its people are meant to say from a fictional context, but with such a limited selection I don’t think you can say something so sure. Sure, every choice in a movie is made specifically for a purpose, but I feel like if a movie tries to hard to be like “Oh but don’t worry here’s an exception” a million times it gets bogged down by its own attempt to make the message as obvious as possible.

Anyway...

There are also a lot of neat little details I loved, like how even though they did this for basically no other point in the movie, they made sure to include people from all around the world in that mess of dead souls, firmly sort of putting in the idea that the entire globe is in a sense one single entity that leads to the same place. They could’ve so easily just made everyone speak English for that throwaway scene, but I feel like including people from all around the world was very beneficial. Even the EXTRA little things, like the path to the Great Beyond looking like the neck portion of a guitar with the metal bits that separate the notes, or the facial features of the Gods blurring when they turned their heads in the other direction.

But yeah, who would’ve guessed Pixar made another good movie, right? Even then, Soul’s in the upper echelon of Pixar films. I really hope they (and Disney) realize they can go bonkers with a movie and still benefit/survive from it, since they’re so damn rich and inherently profitable. I think AAA animated movies like this that are the perfect amount of artsy are few and far between, and we need more of them. If anything, I hope they get more artsy, but I guess I’ll still never say no to a fun fantastical romp either. Basically, Pixar has looped me into watching any and everything they produce because it’s never “bad” I think. In the grand scheme of quality, even their worst work (Cars 2) is still not “terrible,” per se, even if it feels like it exists more as a cash grab than a genuine tale.

[2lim3rz]

Last Chancers Spoilers With A Side of Tau

I.. love this book? So m uch? If I had to make a top 10 list of favorite books, this one’s on there even though it’s technically 2 or 3 

Overall, READ these books! I so recommend the Last Chancers by Gav Thorpe like- Holy shit it’s so good

ANYWAYS! Onto the T’au stuff first!

>There’s some sort of Fire Caste bonding ceremony thing for brothers at arms called ta’lissera,

>Fire castes have ritual combats where death is common, or at least common enough to be of note that it happens

>This group of Kroot at least, run in family groups called kindreds and I think that it’s cool and a little adorable

Now! Onto my ramble!

T’au don’t know what toasting was, so poor Por’la’kunas was terrified when Oriel was like “a toast for El’savon!” and everyone was just “!?!?! YOU WANT TO DO WHAT?!” Such a wonderful moment of cultural confliction askldfkl i love it

I’ma start at the beginning with..

13TH LEGION / DELIVERANCE

MAN! This was a wonderful start to the hell ride that too my heart! It introduced me to some of my favorite characters [Asides from Kage] namely, Franx, Striden, Kronin,Gudmanz and Poal. I love them all for different reasons and of course I’ma ramble about them too: POAL: An ex-priest who had enough bullshit in his life and decided to yell at the Cardinal, I love himm. Of course, he like the others of the 13th Penal Legion, is rough around the edges, but I think that’s what makes him great. I love the things he reveals religious wise of the Imperium. At least, what happens if you don’t necessarily believe, anyhow. FRANX: My MAN man I love Franx, he was wonderful and it’s impressive how much of a trooper he was. And, if I’m remembering right, his more-or-less selfless crime made him as memorable as much as he was.. I’d say cheery in a grim fashion? Sort of in the same way as how Kage says “Time to die!” before every major conflict KRONIN: Sure, he only speaks in litanies and the 40k equivalent of bible verse, but he still made his point across and honestly, he was great. I have less to say, sure, but it was utterly tragic how far he got before he died in the background. Not a word, not a scene telling of how he died, just an assumption from Kage that it was bloodloss

GUDMANZ: A 286 year old tech priest, so you already know he took my heart from just being a tech-priest. I Mmmeeean, he did a pretty serious crime, but 40k is just “choose your warcrime” sometimes and I dig it. Anyhow, Gudmanz was a decent dude.. a.. more or less nice old man. Kinda sad how he died

STRIDEN: The only non criminal on this, I just love his enthusiasm for orbital bombardments and his really good moral compass. It was neat to see how Gav Thorpe seemed to write him being.. uhh.. I’d dare to say fascinated about the Colonel’s crew before seeing them as the criminals they are

KILL TEAM:

OohohoHOHOHOHOHOooooo MAN this one’s got all the things I love, T’au, Kage, Kage being an asshole, Colonel being an asshole, sassing off to the T’au, Kage saying he has patience and then flipping off the lid 2 seconds later. I’m actually kinda upset that Marn died cause he seemed kinda chill, I mean we’re ignoring how he’s described as my dream guy, but I digress Characters I love this time? Orak, Trost,Moerk,, and Quidlon

ORAK: He’s a Kroot! A cool Kroot, so far from what I’ve seen, all Kroot are cool characters. Love ‘em a lot

TROST: Demo man!! He’s great, snaps off at Kage and picks his battles. I love how smug he is about demo stuff 

MOERK: HERO!! And a hero’s end he got! A fucking travesty he was put into the 13th, he seemed a great Commissar, loyal to the end

QUIDLON: Brains! I love hi mm! All the way to the part where Tech Priests didn’t like him cause he liked to tinker with things. HOLY SHIT I wasn’t prepared to find out how I guess T’au battlesuits are wired to their pilots or something cause it fried him QwQ

ANNIHILATION SQUAD:

This one, THIS is where Gav Thorpe officially took my heart. Kage finding out he’s a psyker and the possession scenes?! GOD DAMN the possession scenes got me! As much as the ending was tragic, it was the tragedy that befits Kage in the best way. He’s a broken man, a devastated man. He well established how the reason he lives is because he wants to live.

He just wants to live to be alive. And his death is just so MAN! I can’t word it properly and it upsets me, but just.. WOW! He takes fate by the throat and does what he does beast: Complete the mission at hand through the means he has. Even if it’s unconventional. However, I think the part that really marked his ending, was the death of Lorii. I really feel like she was the only human Kage relatively cared about on some level, hell, I feel like while he would’ve fought back, that if it wasn’t for the daemon possessing him, he would’ve at least convinced her or die trying

Not as many characters like the others, but I do have a precious few:Erasmus ‘Razzy’ Spooge, Oaheb, Brin Dunore, adding Colonel Schaeffer and Kage to the list too.. Okay maybe it’s a lot, Annihilation Squad was amazing

ERASMUS SPOOGE: Asdklfasklfh I love him, he’s such a strong dude even if he’s non-combatant, unlike Kelth he actually helps and gets a nickname from Brin! I love his questioning words and the servoskull of his dad he totes around

DERFLAN KIERK: While not one of my faves, I feel like it needs to be put out there how much of a character he is! Love it! Love the whole shenanigan with the Firefather too

OAHEB: I think he’s a psychic-blank? It’s super hard to tell but I love how he’s just sort of There. There to the point Kage downright dislikes and ignores the dude but he gives such good pieces of advice and words of wisdom the few times he speaks aksldfklh

BRIN DUNMORE: Brin ‘Brownie’ Dunmore, I like how he sees the humor in the nickname he just can’t shake off and MAN he’s a great character. A trooper to the end and overall, I just think he’s a great dude. He’s not ‘criminal scum’ like the rest no idea about oaheb tho and not counting Spooge He adds a little bit of light to the dreary darkness, even if Kage shoots him down a lot

COLONEL SCHAEFFER: The COLONEL! My MAN! I love how much of a force of nature he is! How terrifying he feels. How he’s over 300 years old and still an.. well not angry but very determined individual. There’s no care for Kage at all, but he does have some sort of odd comradrie with him, especially when he talks to the daemon inside Kage. MAN! He’s so fucking awesome and badass I can go off all day on him

KAGE S.: We don’t know much about Kage, admittedly, we only know his last name starts with an S, he’s maybe 30 something years old. That he was raised in the hives of Olympas before getting sent to the 13th for killing his Sargent and he and the Colonel have some sort of.. They have some sort of hatred for each other going on but they’re still comrades in the end, in a warped sense. Overall, I love how he sticks by his morals, even if those morals are very few and very slim. He’s a bulwark against threats of the Imperium, not even a Daemon could get him even if it caused so much havoc. And he’s  such a broken man. Corinatorum, I feel, is what really broke him. The description of how he saw the living children as just piles of dust. It haunts him day in and day out, but he still keeps going. He still puts one foot after another. Yes he’s an asshole and yet there’s.. there’s just something admirable in how he keeps going. How much that despite he says he’ll leave everyone behind, he still goes back to save Franx. How he still helps others, whether he realizes it or not. He’s such an amazingly written character and I love it!

Overall, the Last Chancers was an amazing book and a wonderful [albeit unconventional] entry into books about Imperial Guardsmen and their lives. I’d honestly say that, so far, it’s revealed a lot of things I never would’ve thought about in the Imperium and it’s wonderful! Wonderfully grimdark!

[danwhobrowses]

WWE Royal Rumble 2021 - Initial Thoughts

I know I’m late, but employment is still a thing, and I had to prioritize that over an all-nighter, but it’s time for the Royal Rumble, one of the more exciting shows of WWE’s schedule, so let’s get on with it!

Spoilers for Royal Rumble, you have been Warned

I might not invest too much in kickoff matches but the Women’s Tag Match was not a good time

It was fine before the end, but who the hell decided that Charlotte should control 90% of the champions’ offense and have the hot tag!? Asuka is the RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPION, not Charlotte. After the tag Asuka literally had one spot and she was dead, completely taken out of the match for *checks notes* being thrown over the Announcer’s Table...you know that thing several wrestlers come back from easily.

The finish was just too much too, Ric distraction didn’t work, Lacey distraction didn’t work, Kirufuda Clutch didn’t work but then the brass knuckles did. Too much.

And why TF are we putting titles back on Nia!? We should’ve just given the titles to the Riotts, or the winner of the Women’s Dusty Classic. It also cuts me deep that Asuka and Shayna are treated this way, even as champion Asuka is a side character to Charlotte T_T

Main show though and I don’t like the package and interviews between entrances

Drew vs Goldberg was just...meaningless.

It was cringy enough that Cole had to spout drivel to make 60 year old Goldberg seem strong but to have Drew be ‘injured’ by a barricade spear - something much more tired wrestlers have and will get back up from in less time and continue a longer match - was daft. Also saying that Goldberg’s spear or jackhammer is the best move of all WWE is stupid, it was a WCW thing

Thank God Drew Won, but the post-match does remind you of the meaningless circumstances this feud came about. Suddenly Goldberg is okay with Drew’s same manners of respect

I mean, Carmella’s entrance and gear is cool, but do you think it eats at Corey a little that Carmella’s ‘behind the curtain’ bit is a tad...red light district?

Sasha’s promo didn’t hit for me unfortunately

Reginald didn’t deserve to be ejected for that! He caught Sasha and get beaten up for it

Jesus Carmella! Sasha got barely any of that dive

Screeching and faffing aside, Carmella got a good showing...I do hate quick tap outs in title matches though

Sami cuts a good promo, but his content wasn’t exactly the best. New Day are hardly the management’s faves, it’s taken this long for E to get a singles run, Fans literally had to Yes Movement their way into giving Kofi the world title.

New Day’s Brodie gear was good though

Bad Bunny as the ‘Biggest Latin Artist’? Is Cole for real? I didn’t even know who he was before today

If the song is about Booker T then why is he dancing around GI Bro?

Come on Book, you hang on the Sucka! That’d be like if the Rock just went ‘If ya smell what the Rock is cooking’ without the drags or pauses

Ric’s ‘with a tear in my eye’ promo was after the Rumble though...

It’s actually a sad stat that just over half of the Rumble winners win titles

No Morrison segment for the escape spot!? He did it as much as Kofi dammit!

Sorry Greatest Royal Rumble is not canon for me

This Stat Attack has taken far too long

I’m okay with Mike Rome but couldn’t a woman have announced the Women’s Rumble? Where’s Lillian at!?

NAOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?

That hair is amazing as well

I know you can’t say it, but we all remember that Benoit won the rumble in the first two as well

Was...Bianca wearing earrings on her entrance, she looked like she was taking them off

Billie actually had the right idea, can’t be in the match until you enter the ring, it’s clever stuff

That tank did not look like it was meant to turn that direction XD

It actually surprises me every time how tall Shotzi is, I always imagine her short

Billie no...not with Shayna

The piped boos are highly unrealistic to boo even a heel Toni Storm

Shotzi eliminated and then horrible singer Jillian comes in? Urrrrgh, Bad Singer Jillian was terrible

Wrestling wise she hasn’t missed a beat though

Billie’s surprisingly being a highlight here with actual narra-OHMYSHITITSVICTORIA

Gear was a bit meh but Victoria definitely can still go

Oh Peyton the purple looks good on you, and her Widow’s Peak was not bad at all

Ah, good for Santana, for a moment I thought it said Santina and got a very bad chill

Damn Liv, Speed Machine!

Ooof, the betrayal is real Billie

THIS IS MY BRUTALITY!

Somehow I’m genuinely upset by every elimination so far, good job!

Aaaaaand then they got rid of Victoria and brought on Charlotte to immediately take out Rhea -_-

That was a clever move from Bayley but damn Ruby landed hard

Are we seeing a Bayley/Peyton team? Or is she just eliminating the Riotts for revenge for Billie, but also Liv Nooooo!

Torrie now, eh okay

Ouch for Dana

Lacey...no, this ain’t working

Poor Peyton, her elimination was a side chapter

And we missed Bayley’s elimination!? For Shame

Mickie! Good to see ya! Aaaaand being beaten by Charlotte...

Nikki Cross is back too! Hopefully they find a good story for her

Alicia Fox? I guess she sobered back into the good gra...R-Truth? No

Oh yeah, Humberto is a thing

Jerry shut the fuck up!

The 24/7 stuff was super unnecessary, we did not need to take focus off this match

Lacey eliminating Mickie, rude.

Dakota should’ve gotten more time, she barely lasted a minute

Reginald again deserves better

See Tamina vs Rhea would be exciting...if Tamina was booked better

Naomi’s chemistry with Bianca is really insane right now

Lana *reminded of her feud with Shayna and Nia* Also Lana *goes for Rhea*

That was a hard tackle on Alexa by Rhea...aaaaand she’s eliminated mid ‘transformation’ a bit worthless for me

Road Warrior Ember Moon! And right into the Eclipse that’s the good shit

Baszler probably shouldn’t have eliminated Lacey story-wise

The Betrayal is real for Tamina as well

What’s with the crazy camera cuts!?

Nia eliminating Baszler? Nah...

Hold on Cole, baiting Nia over the ropes isn’t a ‘tremendous elimination’

The betrayal is real for Lana too, Nattie sure shrugged off that double assault

I get that the narrative is that Charlotte has beaten both Bianca and Rhea before, but to hang against both of them after already being in a match and hanging on from two apron attacks was daft. Stop making her super strong, she’s mega talented yes but giving her the Brock Lesnar energy does her no favours

That close call though with Rhea and Bianca was great, need more spots of two wrestlers about to be eliminated at the same time

The final bit of chain wrestling too was great, that’s what you need at the final part of a rumble, the mini-match

I had Rhea as my win prediction but am more than happy for Bianca, who was my second choice. Winning at No. 3 is great and her emotional promo just gets her more over. Bianca vs Sasha’s gonna be wild too

Overall the Women’s Rumble was good, most of the women got shine and there were a few mini stories too, do wish that more time was given to some women and that Sonya was in the rumble but the returns were good and most of the eliminations got me good

Miz talking about guaranteeing a championship run like he didn’t lose the last cash-in and didn’t have a chance to cash in previously this night when Drew was ‘reeling’ from the barricade spear.

I reiterate that I wish Sonya was in the rumble, but do like her endorsement of Bianca

Again, this 24/7 stuff is wrong place and time right now

Last Man StANDing Match for the UniVERSal Championship

Cole, there is Champion’s Advantage. Triple H vs Michaels Last Man Standing, neither men made the 10 so Trips kept the title, 17 years ago. Royal Rumble 2004.

See, this is where a Finisher Spotfest works, because it’s not about pinfalls it’s about keeping people down

The camera switches are not doing good on this portion of the side of the thunderdome

Yes, attacking the knees, this is the Cerebral ‘rope breaks with his pinkie finger’ Owens I like to see

Ooof the Golf Cart, a la Kane and Stadium Stampede

Why is this training area just like a second arena

Lil’ running ref in the background

Right into that conveniently placed mini-ladder

Not the forklift! Think of Judy Bagwell!

Oh that curtain is the thing Becky took a photo of! I mean she was always gonna be backstage

Corey before the match ‘there must be a winner’, Corey after Owens went through the stage LED ‘The ref should consider stopping the match’

Did the Ciampa move there to stand up

I don’t think you’re allowed to use a Ref Bump that way

Then the Second Ref restarts the count and stops at 5!? If this doesn’t come back next SD it’ll be a misstep

It was a physical match, not the best I think the finish brought it down. The problem is that KO has lost 3 times now and the last time is a botch finish, and we can’t have him lose again - the poor guy needs a win

ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY!

I will say this immediately, revealing Edge and Orton as 1 and 2 beforehand was a terrible idea, just because you don’t have a live crowd doesn’t mean the people watching from home can’t be surprised

‘Number 3 is the worst number to draw on average’ - Belair just won at No. 3

Ali at 4? Then went after Edge and not Orton?

Sami, just don’t get in Orton’s face

Refs what are you doing? No rules in Rumble, where were you with Nia and Shayna with that logic

‘What does Shin need to do to be more successful?’ - for one not face AJ Styles, he is still a tag, US and IC champ as well as a RR winner, that’s quite successful

Carlito finally shows after the Legends Night tease and yes those are some abs

So...Randy’s just sleeping with this knee injury

Big E enters with some snappy camera angles again

I was hoping for more Ali - especially since Ricochet came immediately after - buy angry E was nice to see

Wait is that Elias’ entrance? Where’s the guitar strum?

Priesty, wonder if this is his main roster call

What DJ leaves his equipment on stage anyway?

‘The biggest star in the world in the music business’ - for real?

‘I’ve heard of flying squirrels but flying bunnies!?’ - Corey you need to watch Tokyo Joshi Pro, they got a flying sugar rabbit

To quote Ross Tweddell, MMMmmm Riddle...does not do it for me

Stop with the camera cuts I beg of you!

Mayor of Knox County!?

Ricochet eliminated by Kane, le sigh

The betrayal is real for DBry

Big Elim for Priesty though

‘Now it’s a Royal Rumble’ - reminder that Edge is a KOTR winner too, and that Nakamura is the King of Strong Sty-oh and Corbin eliminated him :/ what was the gauntlet about if you’re gonna Corbin him?

Otis’ new gear is slick

aaaaand Corbin’d again

Big Dom Fuck im Uhhhhhh Spinebuster’d

Damn he got him though

Dang that bounce sound from DBry

Bobby no why you gotta do Dom like that!?

Hurricane back from his Gangrel crossing and disposing Sammy Guevara’s broken body in Elite Deletion to do another rumble

One of these days, he’ll hit that Chokeslam and shit will go wild

Christian! This time getting the more emphatic reaction

Oh that smile, that hits you in the chest cavity...then Riddle ruins it

Rey comes in and WWE made him an advertisement ¬_¬

Edward James Omos what are you doing? well...I know what he’s doing, IC feud between AJ and E

Edward James Omos fuck you for eliminating Rey

The betrayal is real for Shamu

Cole how did you know it was Seth before his entrance hit?

I don’t think we were supposed to pick up Shamu welcoming Christian back but that was sweet

Then finally BWOAR

And Bwoar eliminates Cesaro, what was the point of his push? (it’s because his contract’s nearly up isn’t it?)

Again with the camera switching

Seth No! And where’s the boos pipe music!? DBry was a heavy favourite, that would’ve caused heat

Can’t believe Mmm Riddle lasted ahead of DBry

I didn’t forget about Orton, but the finish was good, that Orton tease got us good

It was a decent rumble, in hindsight you could tell Edge was winning given how they put express focus on Michaels winning at number on in the stat attack, Edge being face in peril for the first 10 entrants and Cole reminding us how long Edge has been in there

I don’t at all hate the end result, though I do question whether it was the best choice in the long run. Edge had his rumble win returning from injury already and throwing more legends at Drew does imply a heavy lack of depth in the current roster. Edge didn’t really need the win, but I’m not disappointed in him winning

The Men’s Rumble itself wasn’t as good as the women’s I don’t think, a lot of favourites of mine were unceremoniously dumped out quickly, any layered storytelling didn’t get enough time and it did feel a little by the numbers, almost a microcosm of modern WWE booking

Overall it was still a decent PPV, happy with the winners of the rumbles and that’s mostly all we need from a Royal Rumble. The Road to Wrestlemania starts here

[quercussp]

Long-horned beetles and dusty archives

Rating: T

Word count: 4.7k

Summary: Dan was climbing up the marble steps of the museum full of dread and resentment. It was Sunday morning, and all his classmates were probably still asleep, or nursing their hangovers from the party before. But Dan couldn’t do that, no. Because Dan skipped too many classes in his General Biology course, he now would have to make it up with extra credit. By working at some sort of museum with some grad student that needed help sorting bugs. Yuck.

Spoiler: the grad student is Phil.

Authors note: A belated birthday present for @insectbah. You are my people and I treasure it immensely.

A gigantic thank you to @redactednp​ and @alittledizzy​ for encouragement and fantastic beta work.

Warnings: there are mentions of insects in this fic. Also very light swearing.

[read on ao3]

Dan was climbing up the marble steps of the museum full of dread and resentment. It was Sunday morning, and all his classmates were probably still asleep, or nursing their hangovers from the party before. But Dan couldn’t do that, no. Because Dan skipped too many classes in his General Biology course, he now would have to make it up with extra credit. By working at some sort of museum with some grad student that needed help sorting bugs. Yuck. The reason Dan took this class in the first place was because people told him that the professor was chill and most people got A’s. They forgot to mention that in order to get an A you actually had to work. It’s not like Dan was interested in any of this shit. Carbon cycling, ATPs, exoskeletons… all that sounded like pure gibberish and had absolutely no use for him in his future career.

Not that he knew what that future career was going to be. Or if there was even going to be one. Or if he was just gonna go back to working at the department store, spending his evenings playing video games by himself and being miserable, eating stale pizza and wasting away his life without any happiness whatsoever. Ok, Dan was a tad dramatic sometimes, he could admit that. But for now he was trying to get through college that his father insisted he go to, barely scraping by with grades to keep up his scholarship and just randomly taking classes in everything, in the hopes that something will rock his world and make him feel like a human and not a blob. So far bio101 was not turning out to be that.

Dan took a pause in front of the tall wooden doors of the side entrance of the museum with a small sign saying “Employees only”. Here goes nothing.

He pulled the door open and walked into the entrance hall. A bored looking security guard looked up from his phone as Dan approached the security desk.

“Can I help you?” the guard asked eyeing Dan suspiciously.

“Yes, I’m here to see…” Dan checked the note on his phone “... Philip Lester? From the entomology department?”

The guard searched around his desk. “I don’t have any notes from anyone, was he supposed to meet you here? Can’t let you in without an employee signing you in.”

Dan felt the familiar shiver of anxiety of not being in the right place stir up in his chest. “I don’t know, sir,” he replied. His professor just said to show up at 8 am. Nothing else.

“Can you call him?” the guard asked.

“I don’t have his number. I guess I’ll just wait here.”

“Ok,” the security guard replied, going back to his phone.

Well this was perfect Dan thought to himself. It was 8:05, he woke up at an ungodly hour to be here, and now he couldn’t even get into the building. Just perfect, everything was perfect.

He sat down on a bench next to the entrance and absentmindedly scrolled through his twitter feed. Why did he even decide to take this stupid class? And why did he have to miss three seminars in one semester? He could have been in his tiny bed under his blanket right now, sleeping.

Dan was almost ready to give up and just go home, when he heard loud steps approaching and a disheveled looking guy ran out of one of the doors and towards the security guard.

If Dan wasn’t irritated from being up so early and being forced to wait for 20 minutes, he would probably have noticed that the guy was very cute. As in very very cute. He was tall, almost as tall as Dan, had a messy quiff of dark hair, glasses and a smile that just made the whole room light up. He was also wearing a sweater with little bees embroidered across it and Dan could see that the socks that were peeking out from under his skinny jeans were mismatched. Ok, maybe Dan noticed all this despite being sleep deprived and grumpy. Maybe it was very hard to miss.

“I’m so so sorry I’m late! You’re Dan, right? I’m Phil. Sorry, Dan, you must have been waiting for so long! I totally lost track of time!”

The guy was out of breath and looking so apologetic that Dan’s annoyance melted away entirely.

“No it’s fine. Yeah, I’m Dan. Nice to meet you” Dan stood up and awkwardly offered his hand to shake Phil’s, only to realize that it was super sweaty and retracting it to wipe on his jeans just as Phil extended his. “Shit, sorry,” he said as he attempted to shake Phil’s hand again. Phil’s hand was nice. It was sweaty and warm, but also very very soft and smooth. His fingers were long and thin and bony and Dan was definitely not intensely looking at his fingers at all, that would be totally weird.

If Phil thought that Dan looking too intently at his hands was weird, or that their handshake lasted significantly longer than was socially accepted, he didn’t show it.

“Thank you for coming Dan, I’ll take you up to my office, we’re going to have so much fun! I’ve wanted to have someone help me out forever!” Phil swiped his ID card at the gate (his ID card was covered in animal stickers and Dan felt his heart skip a beat).

Phil took Dan up the stairs and through long semilit corridors of the museum. Dan never realized what museums looked like beyond the showrooms. For some reason, he just assumed that working in a museum meant like wiping glass off of showcases or something. He didn’t even think of the fact of just how many rooms there were beyond what the visitors got to see.

While they walked through the corridors Phil kept rambling.

“Jeremy, I mean Professor Knight, said that you want to help out with indexing of my latest collection. I mean… I guess I don’t know if you actually want to. But if you don’t like it I can find something else for you to do. I don’t want you to be miserable of course! It’s actually fun! And if you have to leave early, don’t worry! I understand, I mean I won’t tell Jer.. Professor Knight.”

Dan stayed quiet. Phil’s eyes were really nice. They were such a magical blue color…

“This is me!” Phil came to a halt at a door covered in posters from top to bottom. Most of them were different bugs, but there were also a couple of old magazine pages and a drawing of an octopus waving a pride flag. Dan’s heart did another skippity skip and he felt his neck getting really warm.

Phil took out a gigantic keyring full of keys and started going through it. He finally pulled out a small silver key and unlocked the door, gesturing at Dan to come in.

They walked in and Phil turned on the light. The office was tiny and overflowing with things. There were shelves lining all the walls, full of books and papers and random boxes. Some of them were covered by what looked like scientific posters with graphs and weird figures. The whole office smelled like dust and old books and also some other particular smell Dan couldn’t place.

“You can leave your stuff here if you want,” Phil said, gesturing to a desk that was almost entirely covered by papers. “Let me just gather some stuff and we can go to the collection room”. Even though Dan had known Phil for like 5 minutes, he felt that he could tell that this was Phil’s desk immediately. The whole side of the desk was covered in layers and layers of stickers. There was a slightly sad looking cactus standing on the desk with a LED light over it. The cactus was decorated with a paper chain of little beetles. A gigantic unicorn glass was on the corner of the desk, overflowing with pencils and pens, and with a rainbow flag sticking out of it. There was also a giant mug with what looked to be a starbucks logo on it, except it had a bug drawn on it and the periphery said “Entomology Coffee Co.”

Dan threw his bag on the chair on the desk and took a step back, putting his hands in his pockets.

After a little bit of rummaging through the mess on his desk, Phil let out an “aha!” and turned to Dan, holding a pile of notebooks, a laptop and some papers. “Let's go!” Phil said, opening the office door and turning off the light.

They continued walking through the maze of the museum corridors.

“So Dan, you’re a 3rd year, right? What’s your major?” Phil asked.

Dan immediately froze up on the inside. It was a totally normal question to ask, it wasn’t Phil’s fault that Dan was a total fuck up and didn’t know what he was doing.

“I… I actually haven’t declared one yet,” Dan answered quietly, blushing a little bit.

“Oh! That’s fine, I also didn’t know what major to declare! It’s ok, you have time!”

“Do I though?” Dan asked before he could stop himself. “Aren’t I supposed to know what I’m doing with my life?”

“Oh Dan, no one knows what they’re doing with their life!” Phil answered smiling kindly. “Getting a degree in something doesn’t suddenly make you know who you are.”

They made another sharp turn and started climbing some stairs.

“But you know what you want to do, right? You’re in grad school, you like these bugs and everything.” Dan replied.

Phil slowed down for a moment and looked at Dan. “I guess in some ways? But knowing that I like looking at insects doesn’t really help me know what I want to do in life. We’re all as confused as you are. We just fake it better.” Phil gave Dan a cheeky wink and continued walking. “The most important thing is to figure out what makes you happy, and then find a way to do that as much as possible. And there’s no time limit on that. For now, my insects make me happy, so I’m doing that. But who knows what’s ahead? Don’t pressure yourself, Dan.”

Phil was smiling so warmly at Dan, it was a bit shocking. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he felt so warmed by someone’s smile. He mumbled “Thank you,” quietly and looked away. He could feel a tear forming in his eye and the last thing he wanted was for Phil to see it.

There was a whirlpool of feelings in Dan’s chest. A load he didn’t know he was carrying suddenly felt lighter. Everyone around him kept telling him that he needs to make a choice. Do things. Declare a major. Find a job. Decide what team he batted for. Just everything. And here was a person, an older person, telling him that it was ok. Dan did not know how badly he needed to hear that.

They reached a large hall filled with gigantic wooden shelves with drawers.

“Welcome to the entomology collections Dan!” Phil exclaimed, as though he was showing Dan the most precious treasures in the world. Somehow Dan felt like he was warming up to bugs. If Phil was so happy about them, they couldn’t be bad, could they?

Phil placed all his stuff on a large desk next to a window and went to pull out a couple drawers from the shelves.

"Okay, so here's the specimens I collected over the summer. I need your help to put them into the museum database and make tags for them." Phil started explaining the process as he opened up a dirty looking notebook. "So here's my field notes. Sorry about the handwriting, just ask me if you can't read something."

Phil’s handwriting was indeed very bad. Very very bad.

“So for each of these jars…” Phil took out a jar from the drawer, and Dan felt an instant pang of disgust and nausea in his gut. There were bugs in the jars. Urgh. Insects. With their little legs. “... we need to make a card to put in the collection, and then insert all the data from the notes into this spreadsheet. You ok, Dan?”

Dan could feel that his body was tense and there were drops of sweat dripping down his back. “I just don’t really like bugs,” he said quietly, willing his stomach to calm down.

“Oh! Why didn’t you say! Oh no!” Phil looked so concerned that Dan would laugh if he didn’t feel so uncomfortable with all the little dead bugs in the jars. “You should have told your professor, he’s not a monster! I’m so sorry Dan!”

“It’s ok Phil, I’ll get over it. Don’t want to be a bother,” Dan said timidly, looking away.

“It’s not a bother! Dan, you can’t control things like this! How about we do this, you type in the field notes into the spreadsheet, and I’ll label the jars. Yes, and you can sit on this end of the table and I’ll turn away so you don’t see the jars. Is that ok?”

Phil’s concern was so genuine that Dan didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt silly for making someone worry about him, but oddly comforted by the fact that Phil wanted him to be happy and that he cared. He missed that feeling. Someone listening.

“That’s fine Phil, thank you. Sorry I’m such a wimp.”

“You’re not a wimp, Dan.” Phil looked sternly at him. “I’m scared of horses. Does that make me a wimp?”

“Horses? Why are you scared of horses?” Dan replied smiling.

“They look like they have something on their mind. And I always feel like they’re judging me.”

Dan burst out laughing. Phil’s lips stretched into a smile as well. “Seriously, their eyes are just full of mystery.”

“You’re not a wimp, Phil, you’re a weirdo,” Dan laughed. For a moment he felt like he crossed a line, calling someone you just met, someone who is in charge right now, a weirdo was probably not polite. But Phil just chuckled and looked flattered.

“Normal is boring anyway,” Phil replied.

They spent a minute looking at each other, smiling, and Dan could feel a blush creeping onto his neck and cheeks.

“Ok, let’s get to work!” Phil said, and began showing Dan how to fill out the database.

***

Turns out, working for extra credit in the museum collections was not nearly as boring or tedious as Dan thought. Or maybe it was that being with Phil wasn’t boring. They sat at the table going though notes and papers, sometimes chatting, sometimes just sitting in silence. Talking with Phil was nothing like talking to anyone else. He was effortlessly funny, genuine and most of all, incredibly kind. Dan had friends. Or at least he thought of them as friends. But he knew Phil for two hours and he already trusted to tell him things he would never tell his friends.

“My dad really wanted me to become a lawyer. But you need top grades for that and I failed the exam twice. The second time I just didn’t show up. I’m such a loser.”

“You’re not a loser, Dan. It sounds like you really hated those classes. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.”

“But I don’t know what I like. Everyone keeps saying that university is supposed to be this amazing time, but I feel I’m doing it wrong. Everyone else is off having fun, making friends, and I’m just… alone and miserable.” Dan looked up from his screen to look at Phil’s expression. It was as kind as always.

“University can be tough. Everyone is different, you know? And sometimes it takes some time to find your people. Don’t worry about that. I’m sure you’ll find them.”

“I just can’t fail at this too. I’ve already failed at everything else. At least according to my dad.”

Dan felt silent and Phil just listened, showing no judgement or question. He looked at Dan and Dan just wanted to drown in his eyes. They looked safe. Dan had never felt more safe in his life.

Their conversation slowly shifted to music, and Dan discovered that Phil’s music tastes were incredibly similar to his. “No way your favorite band is Muse, so is mine!” Dan was exclaiming, “I went to see them like 3 times!”

“So did I! I remember the concert in 2010 they gave in London, blew my mind!” Phil said.

“No way! At Wimbledon? I was there!” Dan replied. “You’re joking!”

“No, I was there! Wait, I’ll show you a pic!” Phil started scrolling through his phone and finally pulled up a photo of him and another guy with his arms around his shoulder.

“Phil… is that an emo fringe?!” Dan shreaked. “Oh my god, were you an emo? Wait, and your hair was black too? Oh, Phil…”

“Hey, emos are valid” Phil said smiling. “And my fringe looked great, not everyone has effortlessly beautiful curls on their big heads!”

Dan chose to store the memory of Phil saying that his curls were beautiful somewhere deep in his mind so he could later reflect on that in detail. Instead he took out his phone and searched through his photos.

“Phil, I was an emo wannabe as well, haha, and I would have killed for your fringe back in 2010. I spent most of my life straightening my hair every day!” He pulled up a photo of his younger self and inwardly cringed at himself. But if Phil would find it amusing to look at, Dan could take it.

“Oh Danny! You look so precious! Oh my, you’re such a baby!” Phil was looking at the kid in the photo with so much softness. “I wish I would have met you at that concert, we would have definitely hit it off with our emo hair and love for muse!”

“Yeah..” Dan said, trailing off.

They continued working, until Phil’s stomach gave a loud rumble.

“Sorry!” Phil said, blushing. He looked at his phone to check the time. “Oh, it’s lunch time! Want to go eat something? The cafe is closed today, but I have some sandwiches and there’s a vending machine on the second floor.”

Dan, who was getting quite hungry himself, eagerly stood up and followed Phil out of the collection room. They ended up walking through the mammals exhibit to get to the vending machine, and Dan felt a sense of foreboding, walking through a completely empty museum, his steps loudly echoing off of the walls.

They ate their chips and drank some soda while sitting on the steps of the Ancient Egypt room, with Phil telling Dan funny stories about odd encounters he had had. When Phil was describing his visit from the Holy Mother, Dan was almost crying from laughter. “You just attract weirdos, don't you!”

After they had some lunch, Phil took Dan through some of the empty exhibits to show him the coolest stuff. And because Dan didn’t like insects, Phil instead showed him the dinosaurs, which apparently he also knew everything about.

Eventually, they ended up back at their desk, going back to work. Talking to Phil was as easy as breathing, and Dan felt like he knew this guy for years. That’s why he just couldn’t help but wonder.

Dan spent a solid 10 minutes debating if it would be appropriate to ask Phil what he was thinking.

Deciding to go for it, he tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible “You have a pride flag on your desk?”

Phil silently pulled another jar out of the drawer. Dan suddenly felt terrified that he crossed the line, went too personal. But Phil calmly started filling out the next card and replied: “Yeah, I’m gay.”

Dan was stunned. Not by the fact that Phil was gay. He knew gay people, he wasn’t shocked by that. Just by how easily Phil said that. Just like that. I’m gay . As though it’s not a big deal. As though it’s not the biggest deal of all the deals. As though he wasn’t scared of saying it.

Dan’s hands were shaking and he was struggling to breathe properly. He was just looking at Phil, being Phil. With his rainbow flags, and his nerdy sweater and silly stickers.

Phil looked at Dan for a minute, as though about to ask something, but ended up staying silent and just going back to his work.

They were silent for some time, working in quiet. Dan thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. Even though Dan was shaking inside, he felt warm. He felt as though Phil just shared this piece of information with Dan but didn’t want anything in return. He was just giving Dan the opportunity to change the topic, or to talk about anything else if he wanted.

Dan’s curiosity won over his fear. “And like, does everyone know?”

Phil smiled in return. “I mean, it’s hard to miss, right? I’m out, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh”.

After a long pause, Dan suddenly blurted out: “I think I’m gay too.” His entire body went into panic mode. He was trembling all over and felt he couldn’t look at Phil anymore, so he closed his eyes.

He felt a warm smooth hand on his arm.

“Thanks for telling me, Dan,” Phil said. He gave Dan’s arm a gentle squeeze and let go. Dan immediately felt colder without the touch.

And that was it. After about a minute of silence Dan opened his eyes. The world was still here. No one other than him seemed to have felt that giant shift in the universe. Phil was quietly working on his index cards, humming some kind of melody, as though he didn’t just witness Dan’s complete meltdown.

A wave of relief washed through Dan. The panic in his chest was replaced with elation. He just said that out loud. He just came out. To one person maybe, but he did.

“Why do you even like insects?” Dan decided to break the silence.

Phil laughed. “Everyone asks me that. But insects are just so amazing Dan!” Phil’s eyes were sparkling. “You know that there are more species of insects than there are of all other land animals combined? They are truly the most diverse group of organisms in the world. And they can live almost anywhere! Truly, it’s amazing. Anywhere you look there are insects, and they’re all so different and fascinating and we just don’t know so much about them, how would anyone not want to learn more about them? Like, for example, the group that I study are called long-horned beetles, and there’s like 26 thousand different species, but we still don’t know really how they evolved or how they are related. Can you believe that? And we’re still discovering new species all the time…”

Dan felt his focus shift from what Phil was talking about to how he was talking about it. His whole face was lit up, his eyes full of passion, he was gesturing and Dan was entranced. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. Where was this person his entire life? He didn’t even know people like this existed. Was this the feeling of finding “your people” that Phil talked about?

“... Dan are you even listening?” Dan felt himself shaken out of his trance. “Sorry! I tend to ramble about things, I’ll stop talking about beetle phylogenies now!”

Phil was smiling his apologetic and kind smile and Dan wanted to hug him.

“No! Phil it’s fine, you’re not rambling. I just don’t understand most of it. And I hate bugs. But I really like listening to you!”

Phil looked a little red in the face and elbowed Dan in the side playfully. “Well if you hate bugs we can’t be friends, I talk about insects a lot.”

“Oh no, I guess I have to become an entomologist now,” Dan joked. Because he would. He would do anything to be Phil’s friend.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Mr. I’mTerrifiedofMoths,” Phil replied. “We can always talk about Muse instead.”

They both smiled. It was getting and the table they were working at was being lit by the setting sun.

“I guess it’s time to go home” Phil said finally. The cold feeling was settling back into Dan’s chest. They gathered their kit and put away the specimens, making their way back to Phil’s office. After collecting their stuff, Phil led Dan out back to the side entrance and past the security guard. They walked down the steps of the museum in silence.

Say something. Just say something, Dan. Dan’s heart was thumping loudly. He gathered all the courage he had.

“Phil, do you want to go get a coffee?”

Phil turned around and his face was lit up by his warm bright smile. “Sure! There’s a Starbucks right around the corner, I am craving a Caramel Macchiato right now!”

“Pfff Phil, I didn’t know you were into multi million corporations that profit off of you being a basic bitch,” Dan replied.

“Well then I’ll go drink my delicious warm treat and you can stand outside and watch me,” Phil said and stuck his tongue out at Dan.

“I’ll watch your mum,” Dan snorted, bumping their shoulders together teasingly. Just the thought of having to be away from Phil was making him sad. As they kept walking Dan was wondering how he possibly could continue being in Phil’s presence. The mean part of Dan’s brain was telling him that no way this older, funny, beautiful, adorable guy would hang out with a loser like Dan. But the hopeful, eager part of him wanted to believe that Phil felt the connection between them as much as Dan. Or at least that he would, if they had some more time together.

“Can I come help you with your work sometime?” Dan asked hesitantly.

“Nah, that’s fine. I know insects aren’t your thing,” Dan felt his spirits sink. “Why don’t you instead come play Mario Kart with me at my place? We can hang out and there will be no bugs in sight, not counting my pet cockroaches, but you’ll learn to love them, they’re very cute.”

Dan felt happiness swell in him again. “Be careful what you wish for, Lester, I’m the Mario Kart king! Be prepared to have your ass handed to you!”

“Feeling cocky, Howell?” Phil replied with a raised eyebrow. Then he took out his phone and handed it to Dan. “Punch your number in. I’ll send you my number and my address. Come over any time after class, I’m usually home by 5.”

Dan quickly typed in the digits of his phone number. “Aren’t you scared I’ll come over and never leave? You barely know me,” he said jokingly, giving the phone back.

“Why would I be scared of that?” Answered Phil. “It would give us more time to hang out. So it sounds like a win to me.” He smiled a bit shyly, and looked down at his phone.

Dan’s phone pinged.

this is phil the insect guy ^.^ let’s be friends <3

Dan heart felt too big for his chest.

ok bug boy :P but keep your cockroaches away from me

Dan quickly texted back and put his phone away.

“I’ll make you come around to insects, Dan, don’t you worry. I’ll wear you down. You’ll learn to love them.” Phil was smiling at him.

“Never!” Dan declared dramatically. “I will never get what you like about them!”

“You know, you have much more in common with them then you think,” Phil said.

Dan gasped with mock offense. “Are you saying I’m a cockroach?!”

Phil chuckled. “Nah, you wish.” He continued with a quieter voice. “But you also have a hard exoskeleton on the outside, but are soft and endlessly fascinating on the inside. And I could also study you forever.” Their eyes met for a moment and they both blushed and looked down.

They continued to walk side to side, their arms softly brushing against each other. Walking through the city Dan felt as though he was seeing it for the first time. It was quite beautiful. The street lights were on and and lights twinkled in the trees in the trees. The air smelled of spring and happiness.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 9: Denial on so Many Fronts

I’ve managed to have a pretty open timeslot this holiday, where I decided I was going to do lots of catch up work. (I have instead filled up my Background Music Playlist with lots of youtube piano covers of Castlevania.)

So of course I find myself back at this blog to fill the leftover time, it being so many weeks (months, actually) since I was able to do a double update weekend (spoiler, I did not finish a second update  :) ).

This episode, Yugioh decided to legitimately enter romance territory and y’all it is something. And I don’t mean it in a “Ain’t that something!” sort of way, I mean it in the “That is...something.” Kind of way. And for the first time in forever, I actually have to talk about romance today. For once that is actually something this episode is about. For about 5 entire minutes. It’s staggering.

So lets get into it because the stance the show decides to take against the only valid romantic relationship it’s had outside of Pegasus sure is something.

Duke has managed to get inside Pegasus’ facility/Place Duke works at every single day. Incredible that he finally made it inside of his actual workplace. Whether he just found an open door or Metal Geared up a trash chute is undeclared, since that was all off screen between episodes, but maybe he has to do this like...all the time? Like heaven forbid Duke ever leave his phone at the office because this place seems iron clad and apparently there is absolutely no one he can call to let him in.

Like for reals isn’t Duke upper level management or something? Like a team director for an entire model of card game? Wtv, I guess he got demoted at some point and now he’s at the same level as a Google temp.

Duke used to air on international TV, just throwing that out there. He used to be a very big deal. Course, for all we know, maybe he also got locked out of his game store all the freakin time?

Anyway, he finds some random room he’s decided is the security room and uh...

Starts just mashing buttons.

I assume that he was just mashing the entire time it took for this duel to last, PS, because we all know that password, but does Duke? Is Duke, in fact, the only character left on this show that doesn’t know Pegasus’ password because he wasn’t there in most of S1?

(read more under the cut)

As Joey is playing Mai, he’s noticed that she is freaking out, but only intermittently. She’s going in between personalities like Yugi and Pharaoh.

In the show it makes it seem like she’s “Snapping out of it” as far as the Orichalcos’ effects go. But like...becoming a stumbling crying mess in between card draws is sort of like...not making Joey look like a good guy.

In fact, this episode goes out of their way to try and paint him a hero but they didn’t accomplish that. They start to. It starts to look like that. As Mai is breaking down, she loses her weird Oricalchos ability to no longer feel fear, and Joey takes the opportunity to try and get her to away from the dark side.

Thing is, the duel has already started so it’s kind of moot now since neither she nor Joey really know how to end the duel without killing the other. So it’s like he’s trying to reach out to her the only way he can since this duel wasn’t his choice anyway, but it is in a way that is killing both of them. Symbolism, I guess. 

You know, it seemed like the show just needed a way to put a timer over Joey’s head and this was the only excuse they could give because the right thing to have done is just not play anything.

And that whole thing last episode where Pharaoh was like “there is ONE way out of this situation” I assumed would be about a tie. I kind of just assumed a tie would take place like between Kaiba and Alister...instead...it got weird.

First off, Valon--out of all people, Valon the drug card pusher of the wacky accent--decided to be more heroic than any of our heroes who are currently just gawking at a force field.

It’s been like 4 seasons since Yugi jumped and hung off the edge of a clocktower, only holding on by the point of his pyramid puzzle, and I keep seeing situations where we could see Yugi impress us yet again and instead he keeps his feet planted firmly on the ground while random ass Valon just shoots into the air like a rubber band.

Why didn’t I just assume that when Pharaoh said “I know how to beat this.” he meant to punch it directly in the face?

I’m pretty sure it’s an allusion to the fact that Oricalchos takes away your sense of fear that these three are constantly being huge idiots and jumping off ledges and out of airplanes but like...

...they are wearing a lot of padding, to be fair.

(I joke about Joey getting possessed as if he hasn’t been already)

And so Valon, this evil as hell villain who’s probably killed countless numbers of people up until now just starts freaking out about Mai. Like, a lot for this show. Like we even get a really awkward death squeeze. And like she ain’t even dead.

Almost like Severus Snape in that awkward Harry Potter Movie flashback, but Valon actually dated her once (I could go off about the Harry Potter movies but I’ll spare you.) It’s just every time Mai passes out there will be some man crying over her that she doesn’t even seem remotely aware of when she’s awake.

Like remember how Mai got engaged and she forgot? At the time I thought that was super weird but I’m starting to realize she probably just took a nap or something and then boom.

So although none of this is Raphael’s business, he’s so annoyed at Valon for possibly pissing off Darts that he decides to deflect his anger onto Pharaoh--who wasn’t even participating in this duel.

I mean Raphael wanted to kill Pharaoh anyway but it still feels like kind of a reach.

Speaking of reach...I miss our really good storyboarder. Check out that foreshortened hand. Man Yugioh, the whiplash from good to eh. It’s so much whiplash.

So, in a burst of green light, the three bikers vanish.

And I guess now they can just use Mai’s bike whenever, because it’s not like she’s gonna use it. But I doubt very much Tristan will remember that.

And so, this is about where this episode’s romance goes a little weird because Joey just...

Am I supposed to want Joey to break up Valon and Mai? Like I know one time Joey attempted to take a fireball for her (but didn’t, that was Pharaoh, who isn’t currently crying about Mai despite taking a fireball for her), and then another time Joey dueled Marik for her (and lost.) But like...then Joey lost touch with her for over a year and legitimately didn’t seem bothered until just now when she showed up.

Valon not only seems at least 2 years older than Joey, he’s also stuck around with her for longer than a week, which is much longer than the amount of time that Joey Wheeler has spent with her (while she was conscious). And listen I don’t ship, you know me, but I feel like the show isn’t doing a good job to convince me that Valon is anything but loyal to Mai. Just throwing that out there.

It just comes off that Joey is jealous and unable to cope with Mai being around another guy, when it’s like...Joey...Mai was gone for over a year. You can’t claim dibs anymore. It’s possessive this episode to a degree I don’t think the writers wanted to go. It feels like an accident that they wrote him like this.

I guess, story wise, Joey needs a reason to duel and be on this show--but why must it always gravitate around a girl who’s actually just fine without him?

Like Mai right now is a mess but she wants to be this mess. Personally I think he should respect her decision and give her space but I guess this show really wants to go the angle of “If your friend goes off the deep end, dive after them” to which I would like to say “or don’t.”

Like I think this is all on a case by case basis, but...Mai’s MURDERED people (and a gas station). Although one of them was Pegasus, who doesn’t count, this is still a situation where you should maybe avoid your friend and just call the cops already. If there has been a murder, especially if there’s been over 20 murders, it’s OK to finally call the cops. Mai is a SERIAL MURDERER, which should never mean “she can come back.”

I mean it’s not like any of these kids decided to start hanging out with Marik, right? And I mean they kinda all decided unanimously that maybe they should hold back chilling with Bakura? This should be old hat for them now. They’ve had to deal with the murderous betraying friend so many times. Why must Mai be so special?

But I guess that is Joey’s whole shpeal, isn’t it? That’s Joey’s magical superpower? He wouldn’t be friends with Yugi if he was bothered by his friend occasionally going Pure Asshole. And Joey did have a darker background himself (which is something the show keeps telling me but I have never actually seen because we haven’t seen it in Season Zero. Which honestly means I should do a Season Zero next because how long am I going to wait to watch that Joey backstory?)

So I guess I should stop being so practical about it, this is a fantasy story, and the fantasy of Joey Wheeler is that he can actually try to keep the people in his life from going topside and it actually works. The most magical person in all of Yugioh if that’s true because you ever try and change a drug addict? There’s a reason why they have therapists for that.

Speaking of topside,

Kaiba just shows up in the middle of a Joey meltdown and youknow what? He’s barely even that surprised that these guys are in San Fransisco crying on the floor of his ex-competitor’s lobby. He’s just so used to this.

And so, we’re all going to ignore Joey and just try not to notice Rex and Weevil and instead talk about cards.

Ps in the show Mokuba says his brother “swept the floor” of Alister when like...Seto nearly died multiple times. Mokuba’s so ready to lie his face off to save his brother’s face when like...no one asked. He just volunteered this information.

That and Mokuba might not actually know how this game is played (NO ONE REALLY KNOWS) and legitimately thinks his brother did really good in that card game. We still don’t know entirely what the title “Battle Commissioner” even meant and knowing this company it was probably a secret job made to hide lots and lots of illicit insider trading. Because we all know Mokuba wasn’t playing cards.

So, Yugi remembers that he has this key card that is a card with a key printed on it, and figures...it probably opens a door or something. That maybe they should do that thing they came to California to do, and since all (counts on fingers) 9 of them (10 if you count Pharaoh) are here, they may as well all do it together.

Meanwhile, every animator in that studio cried a single tear over the amount of bad hair they will have to shove into every frame between 9 of these people. Crowd scenes wow.

And what’s great about this next shot is that you have no idea which way Joey’s head is pointed. I dare you. take it in.

And so they all go up to the top floor with Duke Devlin while these two are just...still here.

Rex and Weevil are still here. Despite everything.

(forgive me if this is a joke I forgot I read off of tumblr once. I’ve been reviewing this show so long I just...I don’t remember what jokes I’ve already made)

(Also, I can’t believe they stuck in Rex and Weevil but didn’t put in Mokuba into this shot.)

So they open the cryptic door with the cryptic Keycard and enter...Pegasus’ room of toon suits.

I imagine he just pulls these out whenever there’s an event in the city, just like “Hell yes hell yes it’s Bay to Breakers time to be a parrot with boobs for some reason.”

(fun fact, despite the weather, SF is home to 3 clothes-optional beaches. You can see two of them from the Bridge.)

And so Pegasus decides to tell everybody what we already know. Rex and Weevil have overheard this, but they’re busy like...looking for trading cards in all these mascot suits. Whatever makes it easier for this team of animators. Like you never really think about it, but kid’s shows have just a hell ton of crowd scenes. Worse than a Marvel comic right here.

PS, if you are designing a comic or a drawn story of any degree--just never allow a party to be more than 4 people at a time, Kill off anyone you have to in order to make this happen, you’ll thank me later. Never EVER a draw a crowd scene. Once you do, then other people will think that you can draw crowd scenes, and you never, ever want anyone to know that.

It was nice of Pegasus to let Arthur Hawkin’s take the fame for Atlantis, I guess. But like...Pegasus just...he really doesn’t seem to care about the fate of humanity unless it inconveniences his card game.

Bro brought up “how much do you think Pharaoh even knows about America other than it’s a place across the sea that Rebecca lives? Like do you think that he has a good grasp on there being 7 continents?” and I’m guessing...not much. Course this is like a weird America with mesas and deserts in Napa so...I don’t know if the animators have a good grasp even.

Anyway, where do you think the key is?

And What do you think the key is?

So in the show Kaiba sees this card and goes “It’s a worthless card” (because I dunno maybe he forgot for the zillionth time that this was how he got turned into a playing card) and then Pharaoh replies “Maybe to you it is.” and like...

...You know the thought crossed Pharaoh’s mind.

To just put a little Seto in there.

Youknow, it took me 4 seasons but I can deffo see why and how Pegasus did it. If I were in Pegasus’ shoes, how long would it take me before the Kaiba kids are paper? Like 10-20 minutes tops? Especially with how completely insane Kaiba acts this episode?

And speaking of endless denial, Joey still hasn’t quite caught up to the plot.

He’s getting there, but he’s mentally still crying on the floor of the lobby.

Just Joey going all ham about a girl he hasn’t thought about in over a year. And then from the other side of the room, Kaiba is still coming to terms with Ep 2.

Like you have to hand it to Duke Devlin that not once in this entire series has he had a denial meltdown. Even Yugi had a denial meltdown (at several points) but Duke? Duke’s just winging it. Dukes just has no idea what’s happening or what he’s doing and is just winging it every second he’s been alive. He’d fit right into San Fransisco.

Like remember Duke hangs out in the bad parts of the Tenderloin for some reason, he deals with PG&E just deleting your power willy nilly and still making you pay for it, Comcast, Bay Area traffic, and, of course, the entire North Bay lighting on fire once a year, so he’s totally fine when it comes to cards.

And so Yugi, just unable to think of any solution to Kaiba being a wall just holds this up

And so with that, Kaiba has joined the party. I guess.

Well, back to eating this large stack of holiday cookies. Hope y’all have a good one--happy holidays! 

It’s been a very weird year, but we’ve had some good news here in the States recently, I’m sure you all heard about it, that Inktober is legally unprofitable so now that means there will be nigh an Inktober ever again, and I am so stoked. I am so excited that the decade of hellish Inktobers is finally over.

That and the other stuff that happened but we won’t get into that ;)

Hopefully I’ll do another post before 2020 but I’m sort of in denial that 2020 is happening so I’m doing my best not to look at the calendar.

And if you just got here, this is where you can read my recaps in Chrono order from S1 Ep1

[justkimberley]

HSMTMTS Thoughts Episode 1

Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5

Ms. Jenn watching HSM in her car is a mood

Ricky seems so excited to “start over” (oof)

She sounded neutral, that’s good right”

Ok, here’s the thing though… announcing that you love someone FOR THE FIRST TIME should be a private thing, not posted for the world to see (in my opinion).

Oof, Ricky’s face, that baby is not sure how to deal with love

“oh,”

So here’s the thing, at this point the audience doesn’t know this yet, but as I am rewatching this, I know what’s going on and Ricky at this point has no frame of reference where “love” works. He thinks that his parents are still in love (or at least he hopes), but his mom has been going away for long periods of time, he knows that their marriage isn’t doing too hot, and he is in the middle of it. Of course he couldn’t say it.

“It was a BREAK it wasn’t a break UP.” “ I’m sorry Ricky, but it’s a break UP now.”

*strong independent Nini face**sad and confused Ricky face*

Ok so like, I love Courtney and she gets better as the season goes on but the “I’m dismantling the patriarchy this year, and I’m not afraid to start with you,” was just,,, I don’t know I guess it just reminds me of the people that I went to high school/worked with that were all talk and buzzwords and no actual sustenance

The “interviews” where Nini’s like: “everything is great” and Ricky is like; “everything is terrible, love is dead” is hilarious and I love it

I love Big Red 

Ugh… Miss Jenn is too much, (she might be my least favourite character I’m sorry) “triggered as a millenial” line also gross, thanks

Carlos - BABEY

Nini has some serious imposter syndrome

Carlos is NOT a HSM historian. You can’t have only seen the first movie all the way through and not seen the other ones.

BROADWAY

Mr. Mazzara, the epitome of my least favourite type of teacher

“We don’t call colleagues sweetie,” you know what? Point to you Mr. Mazzara, that is a thing we shouldn’t do. Very patronizing.

I feel like Mr. Mazarra would be more likable if he didn’t have a mustache? Weird thought but okay

“Looking this fabulous while also fighting for intersectional feminism IS my job” again, buzzwords and no sustenance

V hudge - uhhhh??? No one says that.

All the talented senior girls graduated last year” that is probably the most realistic line in the series

Yay finally good Courtney, actually showing us a little bit about who she is

EJ noticed Nini two years ago, why did he not talk to her until the summer?

I know what he does later is not good, but he does really like her and he cares about her, so at least that counts for something

Natalie! I forgot about her, I wish she had a bigger part in the rest of the show

Nini’s grandma and her moms!

Nini’s imposter syndrome returns

Ricky’s dad! He’s trying so hard to give Ricky’s mom space, and he’s stressed and obviously Ricky is aware, but at least his dad is trying to be reassuring “it’s gonna be fine bud”

Also why does nobody talk about how what Ricky’s mom is doing is kind of really shitty? Like she left her child for weeks at a time, without explaining what was going on?

“Shouldn’t he be fighting to save this?” *goes to fight to save his relationship*

“I’m actually bummed that we don’t have any competition here” - also a very realistic line but the cockiness needs to go (I’m guessing it might be a major point in his redemption. He’s definitely used to getting what he wants all the time, so it would be good to see him start to accept that that’s just not how life works)

Gina! - Sofia Wylie’s dancing, so good

Also, who is the guy with the grey/white hair? He’s one of my favourites.

Also how do they think that Gina should be Gabriella? She’s definitely more of a Sharpay, and if they want to go with a boy for Sharpay (we love Seb) then she should at least be Ryan (why not genderbend the both of them?). She should be someone who is super out there and has lots of musical numbers so she can dance and show off her talent and personality, Gabriella just isn’t that kind of character.

Also miss Jenn’s type casting is really not my thing (you look like a Taylor, you’re a Chad, etc. Should they not just choose who they want to audition for and then be put where they actually fit?)

“I dabble…” (Ashlyn, we love you) also why would Miss Darbus have a power ballad?

“This is my nightmare” *getcha head in the game on repeat *

That Armie Hammer comment is creepy, Miss Jenn

Once again, Gina is too much of a powershow for Gabriella. She’s not showing the vulnerability

Also a look into Gina’s home life that I forgot about. “If you’re not the best don’t do anything at all,” Yikes, total stage mom living vicariously through her daughter? Maybe?

That british accent thing is very strange and also never addressed again (so far) whyy? Why did they do it?? Does anyone in real life actually do this?

“That is why I love you” - *wide eyed flashback* also EJ, its been like one month, slow down tiger

“That’s a really big thing to post online” my thoughts too, Ricky

Okay so here’s my thoughts about Ricky calling the break. His mom has been away for a long time (because of the whole divorce thing) so in his mind, being far away from each other means that the love thing will kind of be messed up and also like his mom texts him right before and definitely reminds him.

It also gives us sight into what Ricky thinks will happen with his parents. He thinks as soon as his mom comes home for good that it will all be fine with his parents, and that’s not what happens (as we know from episode 4). This is also mirrored in Ricky and Nini’s relationship.

Also long distance for teenagers? (grade 10s going into grade 11 at that point) like that isn’t something they’ve ever been told could work

I’m not saying that Nini’s reaction isn’t valid, I’m just trying to explain what I think is going on with Ricky

Although Nini is the only person Ricky goes to for advice, so shouldn’t she kind of be aware of these issues? Although I guess Ricky’s not even very aware of what’s going on at this point either

“Troy would have arrived on time” incorrect - many people have mentioned this but like, Troy was always late. It’s a major plot point in all of the movies.

EJ’s “You got this babe,” is what caused Miss Jen to spill on the light thing and then made the lights go out → metaphor? EJ is actually stifling Nini by being so “supportive” (by accident)

“I’m not thrown,” queen! Literally 1. Boyfriend tells her he loves her causing slightly traumatic flashback 2. Ex boyfriend runs in to auditions for something he’s said he hates and 3. Lights get messed. We stan. Not thrown, what a legend. (and then proceeds to sing and face her dream fears)

Ricky! With the flashlight first, because he believes in her, EJ with his light because he needs to one up Ricky.\

RED! Coming to support his friend.

Temp -tress girl → then immediately improvises lines just to tell Nini that he loves her

“Was this in the movie?” Miss Jenn and Carlos → fake fans

“Cause that’s like not even a word your parents say to each other anymore” → he’s trying to explain his actions (or lack thereof). Also ow, that is a hard thing to hear.

I like Ricky’s version better than Nini’s oops

Also Nini is charmed by it, even though she doesn’t want to be → cue jealous EJ

Everyone subtly impressed, and also are like “awww”

“Don’t not love you” so quietly, this boy has emotional intimacy problems and he needs to talk to a therapist or something cause his parents are really messing him up with their divorce, or “legal separation” I guess. I don’t really know what the difference is.

Ricky’s face when Nini tells him he broke her heart → immediate regret

“I… don’t… not… love you,” oof

Nini and Ashlyn’s faces, my babies are so excited they got their parts!

Gina, shocked

“She thinks I’m a ChAd?”

Ricky looks so impressed with himself and he’s also like *play ball, let’s go boys*, Nini’s like *uh oh*, and EJ’s like *maybe I’ll slip him a rotten egg too*(oop ep. 4 spoilers)

[bluekayanite]

Comments/theories: In Dreams - Homeworld Bound

So I kind of missed the SU:F updates for a bit. ^_^;  That said, I'm caught up now, and have some misc. comments that I figured I'd share... before the next eps or two comes out. XD;

...That said, I was actually working on this when I'd heard that Homeworld Bound was out already. -.-;  It's on XFinity Stream, at least - and I suspect other streaming services - so I consider it "officially released."  I've since adjusted to implement the new info.  However, I'm making the comments in an ep-by-ep structure, so if you want to avoid spoilers, you can easily stop once you get here. =3

I'd also like to note that this one's more rambly than usual, so prepare yourself for rambles. XD

EDIT: Some adjustments, mostly additions. EDIT2: Couple more little deets. EDIT3: Few more MAJOR deets. XD;

Just a quick note: my current, primary theory is that, even with everything that seems to be glaringly obvious, White also has the power to alter Gems' memories and such, and Rose was not truly Pink Diamond (or at least, in a sense, not THE Pink Diamond).  Lately, I basically think that she may be a sort of a hybrid, or at least that Pink put a lot of herself into Rose... lately I've even suspected that it might be even more literal than I've previously noted... as in, Pink may have prepped some healing tears and broken off a shard of herself... or something. ._.;;;

But yeah, I figured I'd note this in advance because, well... I realize it sounds crazy.  It's going to be mentioned, so I ask for a bit of open-mindedness - or at least a willingness to entertain the idea, even if you think it's wrong (and I don't blame you if you do).  Frankly, I wouldn't be surprized if a lot of people would have already closed this post before getting to this sentence.  (That said, if you're still here, thank you!)

With that out of the way, let's get going!

In Dreams

Okay, so Crewniverse was definitely being self-aware, and using meta-humor. XD

I've commented here before that previous eps had a building feeling of listlessness and whatnot.  My sister also has commented (not in a place I can link XD; ) that the opening theme gets more and more jarring with each episode.  The both of us think that odds are pretty good that they'll switch to using something the reprise version of the theme. XD;  ("Here we are in the future, and it's wrooooong!")

...That said, while things have been getting intense (not to mention REAL!), I do appreciate that we seem to be moving out of "boredom" eps. XD;

The dreams-being-broadcast thing is more-than-likely a bit of setup for later story points.  I'm thinking "Emergency broadcast."

On an entirely different note, I like the confirmation that Peridot has green eyes. =3

Been sort of a headcanon of mine for awhile now. ^_^

Also, is it just me, or is Peridot getting taller? 83

Anyway, it's nice to have a bit of lighthearted funtimes in the midst of all the seriousness that has been going on. =3

Bismuth Casual

So... those toilet paper jokes certainly ended up being at an ironic time, right? XD;

Anyway, one of the things that stuck out to me is how increasingly obvious Pearl's obliviousness is.

One of my long-standing theories is that Rose saw Pearl more like a daughter, if anything... and didn't realize - or even have a clue that Pearl had a thing for her.

And I mean, really, if Pearl can't tell whether any human - or Gem - is into her, then how could she know for sure whether or not Rose did (or didn't)?  Odds are she's just going by her memories... which I strongly believe to be unreliable, what with how many contradictions they have. ^_^;

Together Forever

(...Does anyone else keep hearing the old Pokémon song by the same name in their head? ^_^; )

...Okay, I'm gonna confess: it actually didn't occur to me that either Steven or Ruby was supposed to be "cute" until it was mentioned in Hit the Diamond and Sadie Killer.  (I didn't count Andy saying it in Gem Harvest because I figured he had a family bias. ^_^;  I mean, he did make a complete and abrupt 180 about the parts of his plane being recycled, once it was Steven who started using them.)

...Cuteness is in the eye of the beholder, I guess. XD;

I guess I can see how Crewniverse was going for "cute" with Steven...  Still, about the only time I've considered "Steven" to be cute - visually or otherwise - was after that last bout of Ultimate Steven tag.

...Yeah, I think that the Gems did the puppy-dog eyes better than Steven did. ^_^;  I mean, I would call Steven "sweet," "silly," and a number of other things.  Just... "cute" isn't typically one of them for me. ^_^;

That said, there are moments when I think that Ruby is being cute. =3  One of them is when she RAEGING.

Another one is when she's being happy... especially when she's super-excited.

So yeah. =3  For me, it was pretty nice to see Ruby spazzing like that.  It's also kind of nice to see Steven eating sweets again... even if it's for unfortunate reasons.

...yeah.

It's also nice to see R+S's new forms. =3

The headband is back! 83

(...Why hasn't there been a mention of Sapphire being cute?  She seems like the most obvious choice. XD; )

On another topic... So it’s not just Pearls that can store stuff in their gems? o.O

Anyway, part of my theory is that [Pink is really trapped in the moon base's observation orb], which she can use to see some of what's going on.  When Pink is watching, the moon might show up, and/or the sky might turn pink (usually around dawn/dusk) - the more intense either of these things are, the more intensely she's watching.

Looking back at when either of these happen, I've noticed that:

She seems to be a 'shipper

She particularly 'ships Steven + Connie

This ep certainly continues with that pattern. 83  Heck, I think that the extra lights on the horizon might even be from Pink - maybe even intentional on her part.

Even after the turn-down, the moon still showed, BRIGHTLY - at least until Garnet got there.

I also noticed the moon at the end of Little Graduation - in general, I'm getting an impression that Pink has been wanting to help Steven... but obviously, she wouldn't be able to.

However, that said, with the way things are looking, I think that she's going to get her chance, shortly... more on that farther down. =3

Side note: The glowstick-bracelet “ring” is a nice touch. =3

Other side note: JAM BUDS REFERENCE! 83

Also: Strawberry. =3

Also-also: it seems like Garnet actually does tend to give some pretty good love advice.

"Your soulmate is your compliment, not your missing piece.  [...]  Whatever hole there is in your life, Steven, I want you to understand that Connie - Stevonnie - won't be able to fill it." - Garnet, Together Forever

...Also-also, my suspicions about Garnet sorta being three people keep growing. XD;

...Incidentally, I’ve mentioned before that I think that Connie is probably ace and/or aro (though I didn’t know the latter term at the time).

Growing Pains

On the funny (at least to me) side, I noticed that Dr. Maheswaren checked for Steven’s heartbeat on his right side (which, ironically, would be the wrong side XD).

There actually is a genetic condition that can flip the positioning of the internal organs, though I’m pretty sure that it’s simply an oversight in this case.  For one, Dr. Maheswaren shouldn’t think to check there unless she’d checked the usual positioning, first.  For another... it’s actually not the only slip up in that shot; Steven’s gem has a hexagonal crown instead of the usual pentagonal one.  (This happens a lot, especially on Quartzes.)  The biggest thing, however, is that Steven actually does grab the left side of his chest later on.

But yeah, just some stuff that I thought maybe some other people might consider interesting. =3

Anyway...

So it's FINALLY established that Steven has PTSD... and appears to be having panic attacks.  Frankly, for a long time, I was under the impression that nothing like this would ever come up. XD;;;  Call me crazy, but in a weird way, this is kind of a relief for me.  It makes things feel more genuine to me.

...Hmm... I wonder if part of why we haven't seen panic in other characters is because they're hiding their own PTSD?  Maybe the reason why so many are just carrying on is as a sort of coping mechanism.  Maybe the also don't want anyone to worry.

...Or maybe this is an effect of this being a cartoon. >.>;  I mean, as much as I can see that Crewniverse is trying to touch on a lot of hard topics (and I appreciate that), we can only expect it to be so realistic.  Plus, a good story needs a bit of balance to it - as nice as it is to see the worrying stuff, it needs a good balance, or else it tends to be overwhelming.

In particular, I've been reminded that SU:F does have a number of much-younger viewers - I think we need to bear in mind that they probably aren't likely to handle this stuff as well as the older audiences. ^_^;

But yeah, I'm definitely glad that at least there's something, and the reaction seems fairly realistic (at least as far as having a half-Gem character goes).  Even the fact that there was a delay is fairly realistic... maybe a bit more of a delay than usual, but... I guess Steven is half-Gem?

Also: cartoon. XD;

And of course, it's really fascinating to see the medical aspect of Gems (or a lack thereof).

And of course, the sneaking in of an Amethyst-behavior joke. X3

Also: you can see Steven's chart in two of the transitions. 83

(Assuming Dr. Maheswaren got his height right... I’m actually admittedly jealous that he’s actually taller than me - especially since it looks to me like he should be shorter. XD; )

Also-also: I noticed that a lot of things that had nothing to do with Steven's life being in danger got referenced. ^_^;  Granted, I'm sure they're still important to him, but I thought I'd still bring it up.

I also couldn't help but notice there being a direct reference to Adverse Childhood Experiences, which is an actual term.  I suppose Steven's are unusual... but whatever the form, ACEs can still be pretty impactful. =/

...I do wonder if Crewniverse knows anything about Childhood Emotional Neglect.  It's supposedly an even bigger impact than abuse and whether one recovers from it.  That said, AFAIK it's lesser-known - even the term was coined less than a decade ago (2012, if I've got my dates right).  It's mentioned on the list of ACEs... I think?  But it's not very well defined there, so... it's hard to know.

At any rate, it definitely seems like a thing that could be a factor... more on that farther down.

Mr. Universe

It was nice to see Steven and Greg getting some bonding time in... even if it was short-lived. ^_^;

Can't help but wonder whether or not Steven's eating a veggie burger. XD;

Steven drooling in his sleep... it's been a headcanon/theory of mine that maybe Pink does that. X3

Okay, so maybe this is a cute picture of Steven... now that he's more grown-up. X3

Anyway, It's nice to learn some more about Greg's side of the family.  Especially since - aside from the strictness - they really do seem like they're probably nice people.

I mean, for one, they still kept reminders of Greg - his stuff, pictures of the whole fam, and even his letters... even if they never opened them.

(...Is it just me, or does Greg's mom look an awful lot like Connie's?)

And based on their stuff, I think it's pretty likely that they at least have a gentle side... even if maybe they didn't know how to properly use it with Greg. XD;  (Or maybe they're simply an appearance-conscious family. ^_^;  ...Which is apparently considered a gaslighting type of parenting-style. =/)

In any case, I hope we meet them, later. =3  Maybe they've mellowed out... or maybe they will as soon as they meet Steven. X3

My sis pointed out that Dear Old Dad plays - as in, the song from the last ep Steven and Greg fought in.  Only this time, it didn't end out well. ^_^;  Quoth her, "That's some next-generation foreshadowing!"

But yeah, I can see why Greg might be so frustrated at his parents that he would want to change his surname. ^_^;  ...And I can also see why Steven would be upset at Greg going as far as he did. =/  Pendulum effect: being so upset by one extreme that you go just as far into the other extreme, and it sounds like Steven paid for it. -.-;

This is part of what I mean by Childhood Emotional Neglect potentially being a factor... though in general, Greg's hands-off parenting style could very well fit in as a form of emotional neglect - parents who are just kind of buddies and try to give comfort on everything kind of avoid a lot of the issues, instead of teaching their kids how to deal with them, including on an emotional level. ^_^;

But yeah, the fact that Greg apparently didn't consider whether Steven might still want some of the usual aspects of childhood seems like it could also count. ^_^;  At the very least, it's common for Well-Meaning-But-Emotionally-Neglected-Themselves parents to give their kids what they wish they had in childhood, without actually considering whether it's what the children themselves want.

It's also common for emotional neglect to be passed on through families in ways such as this, so... seems like it could be a thing.

Oh, and you know how Steven also had to be "the adult" for the Gems a lot?  That also counts as CEN. XD;  Heck, that link even mentions the need to care for others that Steven continues to struggle with.

The parts about Steven trying to hide his struggles would also fit in with CEN, though his knowledge of emotions - and vocabulary thereof - does seem to be pretty big.  I can't help but wonder if CEN is something that's being inserted in more as a retcon, but wasn't planned at the beginning.  I mean... CEN was just being figured out around the time that the original SU series came out, so it seems pretty unlikely that it was the original plan.  I could see Crewniverse trying to work it in now, though.

...It's also possible that it's not really what they're going for and that it's sort of included by accident. XD;  I mean, there's often more than one way to arrive at the same conclusion, even coming from the same set of information, at times.

But yeah, CEN is important to me, and it's nice to see that it might be a part of the show. =3

Fragments

Okay, so that first convo was chock-full of examples on what NOT to say to someone who’s panicking. ^_^;

And those are just a few of them. ^_^;

I think that this is probably foreshadowing, and/or a setup for something coming shortly.  More on this farther down.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one who was thinking back to Why So Blue? XD;

(Or, belatedly, Strong in the Real Way.)

I do think Jasper has kind of a point about learning to control anger by using it.  All-in-all, though, I think she's only about half-right. ^_^;  The parts about using it solely in violence... yeah

I see Steven’s eating fish, again. =3

It’s also neat to see him chopping wood with his hands. X3

...Not to mention Jasper’s new helmet. 83

It looks to me like Pink might have noticed some training, or at least may have been looking around the area.

...I suspect that she doesn't know about all the details, though. ^_^;

Homeworld Bound

Okay, first off, I think that Garnet may have said the family thing for Future Vision reasons - probably related to what the Diamonds said, even if she doesn't know that.

And now that that's out of the way, I was really glad to see Spinel again. =3

It does seem a bit weird that she's around as tall as Steven when she was shorter than him in the movie.

And I'm pretty sure that Steven's gotten even taller since the movie. XD;  Though maybe Yellow made Spinel taller...?

EDIT: I remembered that she probably wouldn’t be the first.  Could be a pattern.

Anyway, I also like the confirmation that Yellow's and Blue's powers seem to be about affecting the forms of Gems, and their emotions, in general - I've made a little spreadsheet (vaguely) touching on stuff like that, before.

Also, Blue getting a full song of her own.  Plus, the implications that Blue's powers are probably water-related. =3

(Who wants to try one of Blue's happy clouds? *raises hand* =D)

Not to mention Spinel doing the hammock hair thing. X3

*ahem* However... this is the second time one of the eps has felt like it's been full of Gems that are more-or-less hypnotised (the first one being Familiar).  A little too happy and/or nonchalant, and a little too conclusion-jump-ish. =/  (Especially Yellow for that last one. XD; )  Steven's even pointed stuff like this this out.

Which... White acted also that way.  If she really does have mind control powers, I think that this might be a sign that she's still using them, even on Blue and Yellow. ^_^;

Another thing that I think is odd is that the Diamonds were all taking initiative in doing good stuff.  In the movie, it seemed pretty clearly like they were only doing good things in order to try and please Steven and get him to stay with them.

White in particular was still disgusted at the idea of thinking of others as “equal.” XD;

They were even willing to move to Earth, leaving all those hurt Gems behind, instead of trying to do anything for them. =/

And yet, despite all that, Spinel in particular felt a little too weird to me (somehow XD; ).  A little too unconcerned about Steven's feelings, a little too relaxed and... blissful? ^_^;  She actually handwaved the "embarrassing" issue of having tried to kill Steven.

This is the second time we've seen something like this. =/

In a way, maybe Spinel's a little too close to her original personality, in general - as in, maybe less "healed" and more "reverted." =/

I mean, it's only been... a few months?  If I understand correctly?  Difficult thoughts and such do not just evaporate like that - ESPECIALLY if they're more-or-less intrusive ones. =/

And a lot of the time, it seems like her voice and intonation is closer to what she had with her original personality.  ...It does seem kind ambiguous, though I suspect that that’s on purpose. XD;

Here's what I think to be the kicker, though: you know the song she started singing when Steven asked how she stopped having vengeful thoughts?

It's the same song that Spinel said had said would NOT make everything better. XD;

"Just can it, won't ya?!  You can't just make everything better by singing some STUPID SONG!" - Spinel, SU Movie

(Incidentally, I noticed that the moon actually did show up - rather obviously - during said song.  Whoops. ^_^;  It looks like Pink has probably seen Spinel’s “evil” form, after all.)

Also... Quite honestly, the way Spinel mentions not getting vengeful thoughts anymore makes her seem... "drugged" to me. ^_^;

Possibly-similarly... this line seems odd to me.

For Spinel to tell Steven that White's powers work in reverse, she'd have to know:

How White's powers worked in the first place

That Steven knows how White's powers worked in the first place

I mean, I guess it's not impossible that White's powers are/were common knowledge, but... I dunno. XD;  It would have to mean letting Gems know that White could control them outright... and that White had used her powers on Steven's friends. ^_^;  I guess it's also possible that this was told to Spinel as a way of trying to bond over/help with the "tried to kill Steven" thing but... yeah, again, I dunno. ^_^;  If that were the case, it's possible that Spinel would mention it, rather than bursting out into song.

At any rate, I'm not ruling out mind-affecting as a possible reason for her knowledge.

So... yeah.  I suspected that White acted the way she did when seeing Spinel because Spinel knew (or otherwise had) something that White wanted to be kept hidden.  I kind of suspected that poor Spinel would get hit by White's powers pretty much right away, and to me, it looks like she did, and was placated a la mind-control. =(

Speaking of White... I'm guessing that the "pink-colored White" in the intro was actually Steven controlling her, or something. ^_^;

If so, then that's interesting twist on what's considered a "danger"...

...though that said, it looks like White managed to shed the pinkish tinge she had in the movie.

Now it seems to depend on the lighting, and is a fair bit fainter.

(Upper pic: purple.  Lower pic: brown.)

So... that said, I wouldn't rule out that maybe she found a way to keep the pink from getting worse - heck, maybe that's even one of the reasons why she's letting Gems control her, briefly.  Maybe it somehow keeps the pink from growing more saturated, or something.

So... yeah, while I think there's a good chance that the foreshadowed "Pink White" is already touched on, I'm not entirely ruling out that it might still be coming.  I mean, the theory that I was going with was that [Rose's gemstone had a virus in it], that Pink made specifically for White.  Possible circumstances to trigger the virus include:

Removing Rose's gemstone from whoever Rose’s child would be

Touching Rose's gemstone, in general

Trying to remove Rose from her gemstone - especially if from her child

Mind- and memory-manipulation on Rose's gemstone, in general

It's also possible that more than one trigger was programmed in.

Possible reasons for a virus include:

Trying to force White to learn empathy

Exposing White

In case the worst more-or-less happened

Prankage

Though yeah, if Rose's/Steven's gemstone really does have a virus in it, or something, I think odds are that White letting Steven control her is going to accelerate it. XD;

Also thought I'd note: while Spinel!White accurately reflects the colors of Spinel, Steven!White seems to better resemble Pink Steven than Pink Diamond, or Rose.

...Don't wanna dig up comparison pics, but I still thought I'd bring it up. XD;

Anyway, I can't help but wonder if there's some sort of deeper meaning to the scene with giant!Steven controlling little!White - like if there's something from Pink slipping in there, and her frustrations with whatever White did to her in the past.

I mean... Steven mentioned "everything" she did to him, and there were only flashbacks of stuff from Change Your Mind.  Which... yeah, sure, a lot happened in a short period of time, but... I still wonder. ^_^;

Aaaand it's becoming pretty evident that whatever traces of Pink are in Steven are coming out pretty strongly.

...On another note, the softer "Pink" hairstyle that Steven is getting might be a hint that the more-solid, five-lump "Steven" style that Pink is sometimes shown with is not her actual style. ;3

(My personal belief is that her appearance in Jungle Moon accurately reflects what she looks like - everything else is probably tainted by memory-alteration a la White.)

...anyway...

My guess(es) on what's next

Okay, I was previously assuming that Steven would first fight the worm-thing (which I thought might have been a mutated Jasper, after getting all that essence-of-Diamond in one dose XD; ).  I was also speculating about White having turned a much-more-intense shade of pink, accusing Steven of it, and a fight breaking out between the two (with a note that it might be a good thing that Steven's learned to better control his Diamond powers =D; ).

Now it’s looking like the “Pink White” may have already been covered... or maybe it’s still being foreshadowed.  Hard to say at this point.

That said, I think there's still a good chance that White will still try to follow Steven for one reason or another, despite his plea not to.  I mean, it looks like she may have genuinely been impacted by what happened with Steven controlling her... or at least terrified. XD;

She still asked him to wait, despite that.

Steven did leave his shoe behind, a la Cinderella.  This could be a hint about someone following him and returning it to him.  Maybe there'll be something about it fitting after he's calmed down? =3

Though... yeah.  Maybe letting Steven puppet her will result in her turning pink and coming after him for it.  Or maybe White will still try to follow out of more a compassionate reason - or just to “fix him, like she’s apparently done with so many other Gems XD - and Steven will try to keep her away.

In any case, I’m thinking that odds are that Steven will end up getting in a fight with What, and that it will end up being on Earth, at least at some point during the struggle.  If so, I tend to imagine something like this happening:

If Pink observes a fight between the two, it might be enough for the moon + sky thing to trigger in broad daylight.  If so, then the fact that there's someone on the moon who can turn the sky pink will be impossible to miss. XD  Even if it's not a fight that does it, I think odds are good that something like that will be how Pink being up there would be revealed, as well as working as a quick explanation that the moon + sky color are actually important.

If something like that does happen, then I think that White will finally fess up about messing with Gems' memories + thoughts and imprisoning Pink in the orb.  I mean... she'd basically be backed into a corner.  It also seems like she's getting to a point where she'd consider telling Steven anyway - just maybe she'd freak out and back out first, and/or the sky would beat her to it. XD;

I've also considered that maybe Steven's powers would get strong enough that he could be contacted by Pink in his dreams, anyway - they're not mutually-exclusive, so maybe both will happen?

But yeah.  There's plenty of evidence of a moon prisoner, and plenty of that evidence highly suggests that it's Pink.  I know I always say this, but I think it's time - maybe even well-past-time XD; - for Pink to be released.

A few possible roles of Pink (plus rambles)

Think about it: just about everyone that Steven knows - or is close to, at least - has been failing him in one way or another.  No one seems to know what's the best way to help him, or even fully understand just what exactly he might be going through - even White said that no one would be able to relate to him... but I don't think that's fully true.

Sure, maybe nobody could easily, and/or fully relate to the half-human thing, but I think there's a chance that, say, Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth could at least help with the "vengeful thoughts" thing.

But Pink, Pink could probably help with the powers, and maybe a few other things.  I mean, they're probably her powers - or at least a variation of them.  Heck, she may be even more powerful than Steven is. XD  If anyone could help Steven get things under control, Pink can.

Heck, maybe Pink even knows how to help calm down somebody who’s having a panic attack - or at least knows how to help Steven with his panic.  Given that nobody else seems to know about this, it seems pretty likely that it might be what Crewniverse is going for. =3  And hey... if nothing else, maybe it’s something she picked up just from watching the Earth for so long.  (I mean... if she’s really been stuck for 5,000 years, odds are that she’s picked up on a few things.  Not like she’d have an awful lot else to do, anyway. XD; )

I admit... it’d be a little extra cool to me since I’ve had the idea that it might be something that Pink would do. 83  Sort of a headcanon/fanfic idea that I never really got to or anything. XD;

But yeah, at this point, I think odds are good that Steven will more-or-less beg Pink to stay with him for awhile. XD

I mean... maybe they could ask Pink Pearl (I really don't like the name "Volleyball," sorry XD; ) about Steven’s powers, but I think she might still have too much trauma of her own over Pink's powers to really be able to help. ^_^;

...Though that said, I've suspected that White placated her, too.  If her traumas can still show through... I think odds are good that others' traumas will end up resurfacing - and thus being addressed - too. =3

...But yeah, it seems like White's MO involved making everyone just forget about things, and/or suddenly become happy. ^_^;  ...Another form of emotional neglect, I suppose.

I also it's possible that part of the reason why Steven is having trouble is because White did something to him. =/  I mean, if White really did remove whatever was left of Rose, then she may have removed an important part of Steven... and if she added something to him, it might be a big part of why he's so... unstable. -.-;

...Heck, maybe the reason why Steven's been getting white Diamond-pupils is because White did something to him. o.O  Maybe that why Steven!White has them, too, despite Spinel!White having black pupils.

At any rate, maybe the real Pink could shed some light on that, too.  ...And/or maybe White will fess up. XD;  I think the latter is much, much more likely in this case, though.

I do think that, once Pink is released, it's likely to result in a lot of chaos, on account of Gems learning that things aren't how they thought they were - just one of many reasons why I think that White has still left her in there. ^_^;  However, that said, maybe Pink could end up being a catalyst in bringing those problems to the surface, so that they can be addressed. XD;

But yeah.  Overall, I think one of her roles would be in healing... just like with Rose, Steven, and their powers.  I think she'd also be good for helping uncover the truth of what really happened, along with other things.

Could be ironic; it's Steven Universe: Future, but there might end up being a lot of looking at the past.  Granted, maybe that's the point: look to the past to better understand the future. =3

[chid-sen-gan-blog]

My Reaction to GoT 8.03 (”The Long Night”)

Hello! I’m back for another recap/review! 

I’m so sorry this took so long, but I was a bit… uninspired. But it’s here now, and I hope you enjoy! 

Once again, featuring running commentary from my Dad and Brother because I love them and their witty remarks. (all thoughts and quotes are from our first time viewing it, per usual)

WARNING: Spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen the episode yet, though this warning might be irrelevant at this point.

WARNING 2: My family and I (namely me) weren’t really fans of this episode, so things get… pretty snarky at some points. Also, there’s a lot of shade - no pun intended - thrown at the lighting throughout. A lot. All these are just the opinions of three people, however, and not meant to offend anyone. If you enjoyed the episode, then lucky you more power to you - you do you! :)

And last, but certainly not least, a huge thank you to everyone who supported the first two installments! Now, time for part three!

So… the new opening credits still haven’t grown on me. But the inclusion of the crypt for this episode is a nice touch

(I have a sinking feeling that taking refuge in the crypts is going to backfire for those hiding there and really hope I’m wrong)

Yay! Sam! Please don’t die on me. Please…

Pre-battle preparation montages always puts me on edge. Now is no exception

Another Alys Karstark shot and I’m still not sure why the crew keeps including them…

“So, the showrunners keep giving us glimpses of Alys Karstark, but do they actually plan on doing anything with her, or…?” - My Wonderful Brother; so I guess I’m not the only one curious

“With D&D at the reigns, she could be there for anything from the kidnap theory to a faceless man revival.” - My Wonderful Dad

“True. Let’s hope they get their story right right tonight, though.” - My Wonderful Brother

“I don’t see how they couldn’t. They already have all the pieces in place. All they need to do is not try anything random.” - My Wonderful Dad

Awwww. My children! D&D, don’t you dare kill off Jaime, Brienne, or Pod. I will find you if you do!!! And no CGI dragons will be able to save you!

(I’m super worried about Pod. He’s right up there at the top of my list with Theon and Grey Worm. And possibly Jorah, but I’m 50/50 with him)

(Maybe 60/40; if Dark!Dany’s a possibility, she needs to suffer a huge loss in this battle. And considering Jorah’s her morality pet/conscience, he would fit the bill)

(basically if Jorah dies this episode, then my confidence in the show going the Dark!Dany route rises)

Tormund! I’m guessing you’ll live. The writers need some fan favorite B characters to make it through the night…

Ooh, Beric. Yeah… you’re probably not one of them… 

And the Hound will be needed for Cleganebowl, so he’s safe. No way they’re writing off the guy with all the hype surrounding him and his bro’s one-on-one

Actually, he’s one of the few people I’m absolutely sure will live past this episode

Gendry… 50/50 on you, too, sadly. I hope you make it, though

Darn it, knowing I’m never going to see some of these characters again is making me emotional. And it’s not even ten minutes into the episode!!!

Awwww. Poor Edd. You’re definitely a goner, since you essentially doomed yourself last week

Aaaaaaaand now I”m tearing up. Darn it!!! It’s too early to cry!

My new mantra: Please let Sam live

Wow, that shot is… dark. I wouldn’t have known those were horses if not for the whinnying 

GHOST!!! Are we going to see him fight this episode? Because Im so here for it!

My wonderful Dad and Brother are just as pumped to see him as I am. Bless them

“But, seriously, why is Ghost with Jorah and the Dothraki and not with the Northerners in the crypts? Wouldn’t that be more practical” - My Wonderful Brother; taking time from his celebration to ask the tough questions

And here’s Dany to ruin my mood. Absolutely spectacular

“So, do you think she’ll abandon Jon and co during the battle?” - My Wonderful Dad

“Nope, she still wants the North to see her as their hero. It’s more likely she’ll rush in at some point and ruin the plan.” - My Wonderful Brother

Sansa!!! Arya!!!

Hey, remember when Dany stans said that Sansa’s S8 hairstyle was based on their kween’s? Good times, good times

Oooooh. A rider in the night? But who? The gang’s all here, except for Cersei and Euron

Is it Bronn? Kind of bad timing if it is…

No, wait, Carice von Houten was in the credits. It’s Melisandre, isn’t it?

They’re zooming in on Davos, it must be…

Yep. 

“So, let’s none of us question why she’s here or how she got around the undead army marching on the North. Deal?” - My Wonderful Dad

“Deal.” - My Wonderful Brother and Less Wonderful I

And, once again, everything’s super dark, even for this show. Is it supposed to be intentional, or…?

I love how Jorah’s like: “I don’t know who the heck you are or what you want or why you’re here, but sure I’ll do what you ask, weird pretty red lady” 

FINALLY!!! LIGHT!!! Thank you, Melisandre! 

I’ll admit, that was a beautiful shot

I have a real affinity for how Liam Cunningham portrays an angry Davos. I’m not really sure why, but I do

Okay, so Melisandre’s going to die before the dawn. Why do I feel somewhat emotional about it?

(I’m still not over Shireen, so I really have no clue)

Ooooh, that look shared between Melisandre or Arya. Is Arya going to kill her? Maybe because of what happened to Gendry?

Ummmmmm…. Dothraki. What are you doing?

Seriously, what are you guys doing?

Don’t tell me these knuckleheads are actually charging at an enemy they can’t even see…

Oh, shoot. That’s exactly what they’re doing.

………… and now were’s firing the catapults. Umm, hello, don’t we kind of need our supplies for later?! What are you dimwits doing?!?!

No, really, this is idiotic. Why are they lighting things up and charging all gleefully like it’s a 4th of July cookout?!?!

“No, Ghost. Turn around. You’re too smart for this.” - My Wonderful Dad

Well lookie there. The Dothraki charged right into the army of the dead. Who could’ve possibly predicted that? *sarcasm, sarcasm*

“And just like that, the Night King’s added tens of thousands more soldiers to his army. Everyone say “thank you, Dany” for bringing your men who apparently have zero impulse control.” - My Wonderful Brother

“So this is why God didn’t give cavemen fire.” - My Wonderful Dad

You just know that Jaime’s watching this display thinking “why did my men have such a hard time fighting those guys again?”

Aaaaaand the screen’s nearly pitch black again. Dandy 

Oh, look, slow-mo Jorah. At least I think it is. It’s kind of hard to tell…

Ugh. Dany. I’m not in the mood for you

Wow, astounding. She’s not going to stick to the plan. I’m sure this will work out just fine

“Told ya’.” - My Wonderful Brother

Nothing screams true love quite like yanking your arm out of your boyfriend’s grasp and snapping at him. 

(Anyone else ever get CerseixJaime vibes from these two? And I’m not just talking about the incest…)

Grey Worm putting on his helmet is somehow one of the best parts in this episode so far. And I don’t think that’s a good thing

But still, it’s too early to judge, so I’ll shut up

Why hello, Army of the Dead. How was that 4th of July cookout the Dothraki ran into?

And now it’s time for my favorite game - count the fallen red shirts! Let’s see… 1, 2, oh, there’s a third…

And there’s one red shirt who just realized his name’s never been said on the show and booked. I respect his genre-savyness

Meanwhile, back with the important characters…

No!!! Brienne!!! No!!!

Jaime’s “wench sense” prevails again. That’s my boy

Dany’s “ruin-my-mood sense” is also as strong as ever, apparently

Well, at least the dragonfire shone some light on things

Sansa looking awed at Jon on a dragon is so far one of the best shots in the episode

I will forever hate Jonerys, but Ramin Djawadi always knocks it out of the park with his score - even with their theme.

I wonder if he’ll have anything new to present for this episode…

Jon’s gotten a lot better at riding Rhaegal. That could be very useful in upcoming conflicts… *grins wickedly*

Lovely, now Jon’s stuck in a snowstorm. *sighs* Really, I give him one compliment… 

“I just hope that Dany remembers she has to light the trench and doesn’t follow him in.” - My Wonderful Dad

“You’re asking for way too much, Daddy.” - My Wonderful Brother

Aw, Sansa. I’m so proud of you. And this is why I love the Starks - no matter the dangers they face, they’re loyal to their people first and foremost

… Arya, no offense, but your sister’s not much of a fighter. Don’t you think you should give her more than just one tiny dragonglass blade? 

Ah, callbacks. But, seriously, give Sansa another weapon 

Seeing Jaime, Brienne, and Pod together in any capacity gives me all the feels. All of them. Even when they’re fighting literal zombies

And now Dany’s also lost in the snowstorm. Well, on the bright side, at least she didn’t fly directly into it

Theon!……… yeah, you’re a dead man. I’ll sincerely miss you

And we’re back to the battle. That was… interesting editing

16 red shirts… 17 red shirts… 18 red shirts… 

So it’s twenty minutes in and no named characters have died yet. I’m surprised…

And there goes Edd. *cries* Why did I think I was safe?!?! Why?!?!?!?!?!

So that’s one death I guessed. I wonder who else…

Okay, is it even possible for Sophie Turner to look anything but beautiful? I mean, even with this episode’s lighting…

I forgot Tyrion was alive Oops

Still have a sinking suspicion the crypts are going to be overrun with wights…

I honestly admire how calm Tyrion is. If my brother was out fighting an army of undead popsicles, you could bet I would be anything but

Jon and Dany bumping into eachother on dragonback is really making me smile. Even though I know it wasn’t intentional this time

If Jorah doesn’t die, Lyanna Mormont will. I’m calling it now

Grey Worm is so far the MVP of this battle. Now I’m really worried about his survival odds…

Soooooooo… are the dragons just going to be lost in this snowstorm the entire episodes? I mean, they have to play a bigger part than that, right?

(if they don’t then Jon really went through some serious guff for nothing)

Jon calling Dany by her nickname again despite knowing she doesn’t like it gives me life. So what if I’m petty?

And back with Theon and Bran after… nothing really happened

“Is it just me, or does the editing this episode feel a little… off?” - My Wonderful Brother

“Not just you. It has been so far. Strange, considering that’s usually one of D&D’s strong points.” - My Wonderful Dad

Aaaaaaand back to the battle after nothing really happened

“….. really?” - My Wonderful Brother

Brienne checking on Pod is what I live for. Honestly, I’m so far more interested in my J-B-P Family Trio than the actual battle 

(Though I don’t think I’m supposed to be)

And the lighting is pitch black again. Huzzah

Unsullied don’t feel fear, huh? Welp, Grey Worm’s quickly realizing that most Unsullied don’t usually fight dead men

Really, though, this scene is on-point. Kudos to everyone involved

And now Dany can’t see the signal to light the trench. Yippee…

“YOU HAD ONE JOB, DAENERYS!!! ONE!!!” - My Wonderful Dad

On another note, I think I finally figured out why Melisandre conveniently strolled back into the picture when she did

 And there we go

You know, everything has played out so predictably thus far that I feel like D&D are going to pull a huge, random move at some point

One that likely won’t make any sense, knowing them

Oh, I hope that’s not the case

Alright, that shot when Melisandre finally light up the trench is beautiful. I must admit

…………………………………………………………………………. wait, so Jon was just chilling right next to the trench when he could’ve lit it up this whole time?!?!?!?!

Ugh. So far he’s been utterly useless this battle. I mean, I love the guy, but really?

Please tell me they’re just saving his potential for when he fights the Night King. Or, even better, fights him so Bran can take him down

(D&D wouldn’t honestly butcher my boy like this without a reason, right?)

Oh, great. I forgot the Hound has PTSD when it comes to fire. This should be interesting. With any luck, he’ll overcome his fear this episode

Back in the crypts which are still somehow safe

And it’s times like these, when Tyrion touts his own greatness, that I remember he’s much more like Tywin than I’d care to acknowledge

Yes, Tyrion. You would make all the difference out there in the battle. When not even your swordsman brother should, logically-speaking, be near it, given his one hand situation. But, sure. You keep on thinking that. 

Sansa laying some truth down. I stan 

I really do enjoy her and Tyrion’s chemistry. And it’s actually nice to take a bit of a break from the battle

Oh, look at that. Sansa and Dany aren’t besties after their talk last episode after all. Odd, I could’ve sworn some stans said they were

One of which was, apparently, Missandei

Gee, I love you, Missandei, but that comment was totally uncalled for. They weren’t even talking to you

“And maybe if it weren’t for the dragon queen, the wall would still be standing and the dead wouldn’t even be here.” - My Wonderful Brother

“The girl didn’t even light the trench. Which was, again, her one job!” - My Wonderful Dad

*sighs* I really hate brainwashed Missandei. But I’m sure Dany’s stans will find a woman of color being blindly devoted to a white woman totally empowering

(And, before anyone bashes me, I’m speaking as someone who’s got the blood of all walks of minorities in my veins) 

Ad back to Theon and Bran. Are they actually going to do something this time?

Oh, they are! 

So, Bran’s “home” quote was said to Theon. Odd, and here I thought he was supposed to have said it to Dany… oh, well

Ooooh, warging Bran. With any luck, he’ll warg into a dragon at some point in this episode

I don’t even care anymore, just let the poor guy be useful in this battle somehow

So… when the army of animated corpses have better battle plans than your armies, exactly how screwed are you?

Jorah ushering Sam to the walls is actually really heartwarming

As is surrogate dad Jaime checking on his adopted son Pod en route to their battle stations

…… Jon has been sitting on the walls of Winterfell for who knows how long doing absolutely zilch. Not burning wights, not guarding Bran, not even brooding. And I’m ticked about it

What the heck, D&D? I thought you loved CGI dragon stuff

Well, finally. Yes, go fight the head popsicle, even if you don’t kill him. Go, my boy, and redeem yourself

The J-B-P Family Trio dynamic is my favorite thing in this episode thus far. Fight me 

And Sam and Jorah. I want a spin-off named “Mormont and Tarly” with these two just hanging out

So, it’s almost halfway through the episode and only Edd has died out of the named characters. I have a feeling things are about to get bloody

Well, there goes another red shirt. What was I up to? 42?

No no no no no no no no. Bad wights. Not Jaime. Get off my problematic child! Get off him, darn you!!!

Brienne has “Kingslayer sense” confirmed

Who needs plot armor when you have your totally platonic not girlfriend watching your back? 

My children fighting together… *tears up* I’m so proud…

And who needs plot armor when you have your totally platonic not boyfriend watching your back?

Jorah saving Sam with Heartsbane is all kinds of right. That is all

And the Hound is not making any sort of progress with his PTSD. I’m rooting for you, Sandor

Aaaaaaaaaaand…. I’m really tired of ninja!Arya already. I’m sorry. Unpopular opinion, I know, but it seems like the show’s going out of their way waaaay too much recently to make her seem all BAMF. I don’t know, call it personal preference, but I like it when there’s some vulnerability to a fighter

And maybe that hit to the head will take her down a peg. Knowing D&D, though… not likely

Oh, boy. The Hound’s really got it bad. I feel for him….

The fact he cares so much about Arya takes me back to S4, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Ah, the great seasons…

My wonderful Dad and Brother have taken to trying to adjust the brightness on our tv…to  limited success. And this isn’t even the darkest the episode’s been…

Okay, I got over Lyanna Mormont in S7, but I have to say, she got the coolest death ever in the show by far. And I’m glad

Also, another predicted death. Makes me wonder about Jorah’s fate now…

So… the dragons above the clouds is a pretty shot and all, but are Jon and Dany just playing hide&seek with the Night King at this point, or…?

Oh, there’s the head popsicle!

(oh, if only fire could burn the unburnt…)

(speaking of which, how does Wightserion manage to breathe fire if he’s a wight and fire kind of kills them all over again? I’ve been wondering…)

“And after less than a minute of the dragons looking like they’d actually do something, we’ve now transitioned in to a game of tag, you’re it.” - My Wonderful Brother, getting fully annoyed with this episode

“At this point you could put Little Sam out in the field and he’d do more than the dragons.” - My Wonderful Dad, getting fully annoyed with this episode

And now Arya’s playing hide&seek with the wights. What is this, buy none get three day?

So… this scene is going to contribute something other than more bad lighting, right? Please say it is…

And nothing’s really happening…

And nothing…

Nothing….

Okay, so I have a feeling this is supposed to come off as a horror movie kind of thing, but it reads more like Tom&Jerry, imo

Wights have better hearing than me. I’m a little jealous

*shudders* Alright, the way that wight re-died (coining that term as of now) when Arya stabbed it was really gross. I tip my hat to the special effects and make-up team

Arya’s running like mad. And I’m happy she seems human again

(On another note, all this focus on Arya is really making me wonder what D&D are planning on doing with her. I can guess it’s something important…)

Too dark to see too dark to see too dark to see too dark to see…

I’m still surprised the crypts are safe. Maybe I’m wrong and they won’t be taken over by the dead after all

“This episode needs more Sansa. I said what I said.” - My Wonderful Brother

The Hound and Beric’s buddy cop adventures continue

Sweet move, Beric. We should enter you in javelin-throwing

Arya fighting just fine with a head wound. Even though I’m pretty sure she must have a concussion. Oh, what the heck, it’s a fantasy show

Beric sacrificing himself for Arya and the Hound in an honestly brilliant scene… that I could hardly see… -_-*

Beric dying to protect them also means that I was probably right before when I said Arya’s going to play an important role in this fight. Or the Hound

But my money’s on Arya. They’ll want a girl power shield in case their plans fall through

Really, the lighting on this episode looks like the contrast effect I add to my Sony Vegas-made AMVs before filtering the colors

So… Melisandre’s alone in this room surrounded by a bunch of doubly dead wights. Did she kill them all herself? Did she flambe them? I would really like to know

And blue eyes. Wait… no.

“They’re going to have Arya kill the Night King. That’s their big twist” - My Wonderful Brother

“But that wouldn’t make any sense. I mean, what about Bran? Doesn’t his whole story revolve around taking down the Night King?Didn’t Uncle Benjen say in no uncertain terms that without Bran they lose everything?” - Me

“Yep. But it’s still going to be Arya.” - My Wonderful Brother

“But what about Jon?! Doesn’t 90% of his arc center around facing this guy, too?! What about their stare down in “Hardhome”?” - Me

“Maybe Jon gets a crack at him, but it’s going to be Arya who finishes him off.” - My Wonderful Brother

“They wouldn’t!” - Me

“Remember Joffrey’s funeral  scene in “Breaker of Chains” and how they changed it?” - My Wonderful Dad

“……… oh, no. They would.” -Me

And now I’m worried

I mean, I love Arya, I really do. And I love girls being great. But something like that would just feel so… out-of-the-blue

Please don’t let that be the case

(But then again, my wonderful Brother’s always right)

Theon and the red shirts going to war and I can’t even try to appreciate it

Oh, well, I couldn’t see much of it anyway

And there goes Rhaegal and Wightserion fighting in the sky. And I can’t even see what’s happening. Wondrous

*squinting*

No! Not the cloak Sansa made for Jon! Bad dragon, bad!

*more squinting*

… did Drogon just bite Rhaegal? It looks like it. But I won’t jump to any conclusions just yet because I CAN’T FRICKING SEE!!! 

Jon has to be hurt after that fall. There’s no way he only got a few scrapes

Then again, the damage to his body is probably far less than the damage my eyes have taken straining to see the screen

And back to the battle. Time to see if anyone I love is still alive…

*even more squinting*

Ya’ know what, I can’t tell

Oh, great. Dany and the Night King. Well, let’s see if she’s going to kill him and become the heiress of a million more prophecies

Bet you ten bucks she’s going to smile when she burns him

And knock knock I’m here to collect my money

Well, Jon’s staggering around like he’s hurt, at least. That’s good enough for me (at least someone seems to be affected by bodily wear-and-tear)

And the Night King’s not burnt. Oh, this is great!!!

AND THAT SMIRK!!! I CAN’T!!! *falls off chair laughing* 

“Can we stan the Starks and the Night King at the same time? Is that even possible?” - My Wonderful Dad

“Well, Dany, your purpose here is done. Time to go back to Meereen.” - My Wonderful Brother

“Excuse me, but what did the people of Meereen ever do to you to have you wish such a thing on them?” - My Wonderful Dad

“Nothing. I just really want Demanding Tourist out of Westeros already.” - My Wonderful Brother 

Yes, head popsicle. Get the dragon brat!!! Yeeeeeeeees!!!!!!

Aw, darn it. He missed

Oooh, Jon running at the Night King. Here we go! One-on-one!!!

Oh, shoot. He’s running towards him as the guy’s reanimating the corpses?! Is he really planning on sacrificing himself?!??!

(you know what, never mind. It’s Jon - we already know the answer is yes)

Okay, sweetie, all you need is a few good jabs and I’ll be happy. Just get a couple hits on this guy and I’ll be satisfied

Immediately has “Satisfied” from Hamilton play in my head and chooses to ignore it

Ummm… Jon. Why are you stopping? The path is still clear? Just run through!

Oh, shoot, everyone that was killed is coming back

Oh, hey, look, Jaime and Brienne are still alive… and they’re probably not going to be in two more minutes so I better enjoy it. Good thing I have both Wench and Kingslayer sense, or I might not have been able to tell it was them in the dark

Now where’s Pod? *activates Squire sense”*

And there’s the crypts not staying safe. I fricking called it and I wish I hadn’t

Don’t you dare touch Gilly or Little Sam or Sansa, wights!!!

On another note… how did the wights manage to punch through solid stone with their skeletal hands?

My boy Theon still stepping up. *sighs*  I’m really going to miss him… and back from a quick cut, Jon squinting at that dragonfire is me right now, after nearly a whole hour of watching an almost fully-black screen

Giving credit where credit is due, Dany just saved my fav. Thanks for that, but don’t get used to it

Ooooooooh Dany stuck in the middle of nowhere without her dragons surrounded by wights… *pulls out White Walker paraphernalia and foam finger* Team Wights forever!

(What? I did say don’t get used to it)

No Jorah! Nooooooo! Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

“WE COULD’VE HAD IT ALLLL!!!!” - My Wonderful Brother

Also, kind of hate how the sword belonging to the family Dany burnt alive is now being used to defend her, but who cares what I think, right?

Jon running past Sam is so wrong on so many levels

On another, however, it shows that he prioritizes Bran - his family - above all else. So, maybe I’m giving D&D too much credit here, but if that’s what they were trying to convey, I can see where they’re coming from

This tunnel run is the most fighting Jon’s actually gotten to do in the episode thus far, which is actually pretty dissapointing

Y’know, considering he was all gung-ho about fighting the Army of the Dead and all

Theon , my boy, you make me proud

Also, what is Bran actually doing? Something important, I hope…

Wow. Dany can magically wield a sword. Where did this sudden skill come from, I wonder…

Are Sansa and Tyrion taking refuge behind Ned’s tomb? *heart breaks into a million pieces*

“YES! WE’RE FINALLY GOING TO SEE SANSA IN ACTION!!!” - My Wonderful Dad

*scene cuts away*

“Hey, I said in action, not inactive! I want to see my girl kill some wights!” - My Wonderful Dad

He’s been a full Sansa stan for only a week yet he gets how awesome she is. I’m so proud of him

Oh, great, Wightserion almost killing Jon

Oh, great, wights almost killing my J-B-P Family Trio

WHY DO PIANO SCORES NEVER MEAN ANYTHING GOOD IN THIS SHOW?!?!?!?!

Yet I’m already loving this score. Let’s see just how much of a next level Ramin Djawadi takes it to

No, bad wights! Don’t kill my children!

No! Don’t make Sam cry!

Noooooooooooo! Don’t say thank you, Bran! Now he’s really going to die!

NOOOOOOO! THEON!!!!!!! *cries hysterically*

Jon… just can’t catch an awesome break this episode, can he? Now he’s got to deal with the dragon he already faced again… *sighs*

And yep. Ramin Djawadi outdid himself with this score. And that’s the hill I die on

Jon, sweetie… why are you randomly screaming at a dragon? Did you hit your head when you fell off Rhaegal? Has the stress of obsessing over the undead finally caught up to you? Did Dany finally break you?

Okay, a white walker’s hair has suddenly turned into a Maybelline commercial

And it’s…

Arya. Oh, boy. Here we go…

Aaaaaaaaand… it’s over. Just. Like. That.

We never even got to know anything about him and that’s it

They Snoke’d him

And Bran was utterly useless, to boot

*left eyes strained from too much squinting twitches*

“They really did it…” - mMe

“Called it.” - My Wonderful Brother

“Well… I guess good for Arya. Right?” - My Wonderful Dad

“No. Not good. Not good. I’m glad she got a chance to shine and I don’t even care about her hitting the final blow. I don’t care who hi it, honestly!!! But Jon and Bran were both completely useless?! EVEN BRAN?! ARE YOU  KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! BRAN’S ENTIRE STORYLINE WAS THE NIGHT KING!!! NOW WHAT’S HE ANY GOOD FOR?! TELLING HIS FAMILY THAT JAIME PUSHED HIM OUT A WINDOW?!?! DON’T GIVE ME THAT! I DID NOT SIT THROUGH SEVEN ENTIRE SEASONS OF GAME OF THRONES AND PUT UP WITH SIX OF THEM WATCHING BRAN’S BORING-AS-ALL-HECK VISIONS JUST FOR HIM TO BE PLAYING WARG THE RAVENS THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE EPISODE AND HAVE NO SAY IN TAKING DOWN THE POPSICLE!!!” -  Me, with an unpopular opinion that will get me in so much trouble later

“True. His lack of involvement was… dissapointing.” - My Wonderful Dad

“You know, there’s a way it all could’ve worked. All they had to do was have Bran warg into the Night King to try and keep him at bay to give Arya the chance to finish him off. Show a bit of struggle between all three of them and ultimately have Bran be the deciding factor. Maybe throw in a bit of flashbacks to the guy’s past, while they were at it” - My Wonderful Brother

“Yeah, but that would require making the guy look like a legitimate threat in terms of fighting.” - Me

“Oh, that’s an easy fix. They should’ve let Jon fight the Night King before and get royally owned. That would’ve established him.” - My Wonderful Brother

“Not only that, but it would also heighten the expectation that Jon would make a huge comeback, which would really throw the viewers for a loop when Arya comes to save Bran instead.” - My Wonderful Dad

My family, everyone. Also known as my bright spots in the abysmal world

To be fair, the one thing I like about this is that the knife originally intended to kill Bran eventually saved him. Bravo

Welp, there goes Jorah. My heart is already in pieces, so a few more breaks won’t do anything

*cries anyway*

Guess Dark!Dany is probably coming. At least I hope so. And then we’ll have Bronn fight her or some other nonsensical decision. Who cares anymore?

I can’t bring myself to feel a shred of pity for Dany or an ounce of compassion. Yet even I know Emilia Clarke’s acting in this scene is fantastic

And now at the end of the episode we finally have light. And my eyes actually are having a hard time adjusting to it

So long, Melisandre. I’m surprisingly emotional about this but maybe that’s just because I’m still crying from Jorah

That’s it? Huh. That’s it. Who lived? Who died? Don’t ask me.

I’m going to go work on my AU now. It may suck, but at least I put real effort into it. Maybe I’ll be a screenwriter. It seems to require very little

I’m bitter and ready to be unfollowed

Sorry

[nardaviel]

Part 6 / ?, introducing seasons(!) and an exciting new supporting cast member(!!!).

Many images contained within. The tags have spoilers, if you care about that sort of thing and if it isn’t already too obvious to count as a spoiler.

Starting out strong again with a chance card from En, just like in the last post. En would definitely go with the experimental piece but it’s a bit nerve-wracking because he's going to be promoted today, I think, if he doesn't screw this up.

Never mind about the promotion, then. :c

Especially if he's going to be pissed off for the rest of his shift. Poor En-chan. I’m interested in Pig Nose Galaxy.

Congrats, Atsushi! Everyone’s money-earning skills are maxed now. :D Maybe this has something to do with the brilliant centerpieces he once again improvised at work.

Poor En. Rough day, I know.

He shouts some forbidden words to blow off steam. Everything seems a little easier to take after that. Nothing quite like screaming “FUCK! SHIT! COCKSUCKER!” in broad daylight in the middle of the street to cheer you up.

Atsushi is making that face because he's a pastry chef now! He lost one of his days off but he only works five hours a day now, so I guess it kind of evens out?

An uneventful day later, Kinshirou goes out to send a book to the publisher, but when he turns around... there he is.

So that night, Atsushi finally learns how to make those garlic decorations. Here are the wreaths! There are going to be braids indoors as well, in case a vampire ever breaks in. The boys aren’t 100% clear on how they work, except that Sims can't get eaten while there's garlic around. So the more garlic the better, as far as they’re concerned.

One of the saddest things (really the only sad thing besides the expense) about building a second story was that Hou-chan couldn't follow them into their bedrooms anymore. I'm glad she can climb stairs now that she's an adult kitty.

I got this far into the game, then took a long hiatus from TS4, during which time Seasons(!!!!!!!) came out. When I came back to the game, I decided I wanted to play around with the new gardening career and the changes to the gardening skill.

So guess who I made.

That's right. Their new neighbor has finally moved in.

Poor Ibushi, I made him a decent house (or the best house I could make with such an extremely tiny lot and limited budget) and then he could barely afford any furniture for it. No floor plan because I don't intend to spend much (or any?) more time in these posts following the Arima household. This is a Kinatsuen LP, after all. But we can take a look at his welcome wagon.

Ibushi: Ah, hello! Come in, don't mind the lack of furniture... En: *stares across the street at his own house* I could be asleep right now, but no.

Look at that grumpy face. Atsushi just dragged him out of bed ten minutes ago, didn't he. That’s why he’s not in the other screenshot. He was still getting dressed.

Kinshirou: Psst. Atchan. Atsushi: What is it? Kinshirou: There's barely any furniture in here. Atsushi: Shh! Don't be rude.

But the real reason Kinshirou is so uncomfortable is that Ibushi's sudden appearance makes the Veil series—in which the triad have a four-way romance with a guy named Ibushi Arima, who looks and behaves very much like this new neighbor—suddenly very strange and kind of creepy. Hopefully Ibushi isn't familiar with Kinshirou's work.

Atsushi has brought the fruitcake this time. He places it on the one surface in the entire house.

Ibushi thanks Kinshirou for coming very enthusiastically. (The shitty lighting, like the lack of furniture, is down to Ibushi's lack of cash. He has §3 right now.)

Ibushi: And can I say, it’s such an honor to meet you. I'm a big fan of your writing. Kinshirou: Ah... Thank you...

It was impossible to make a decent Ibushi Sim, though. As impossible as it is to take decent screenshots in this house with all these people here. I didn't think about that when I made it because I forgot about welcome wagons. But yeah, this is the best Ibushi I could get. He’s grown on me, though! I like him now. But I remember at first I was a little uncertain.

I ship it. Go sit on the bed with them, Atsushi.

Atsushi waited too long to make his move. En is disappointed too. That, or he's just jealous of Avery's fruitcake but he doesn’t want to get up to get his own.

What's up with Atsushi? Is he just pleased to see plants, or...?

Yep, he's just... talking to them. You have real humans you could talk to inside, sweetheart, but all right.

En: What are you doing out here all alone? Kinshirou: Are you talking to the plants? (Does he feel lonely? That’s the only time he talks to our plants...)

Just a reminder: I can’t control them right now. I’m playing Ibushi’s household. They autonomously came out here, one right after the other, to kiss Atsushi’s cheek...

...then to hug each other and congratulate each other on their good Atsushi-cheering teamwork.

Ibushi doesn’t have enough good things to say about Atsushi’s fruitcake.

Ibushi: One time when my grandmother fed us some fruitcake, it broke my cousin’s tooth, but yours was actually enjoyable. You have a real talent.

He follows up with what looks like a stressful attempt to tell an amusing story while Kinshirou passive-aggressively waters the plants. Look, Kinshirou, you're the one who arrived while he was in the middle of watering, okay. It’s your own fault he didn’t get it done.

En has wandered back in and now finds himself alone with their neighbor Avery. I wonder what’s going on with this interaction.

This is the face Kinshirou makes when he's listening very intently. Ibushi’s love of fruitcake must have caught his attention.

After the welcome wagon has wound down and everyone else has gone home, En remains, eating some of the last of Ibushi's non-fruitcake food. Thanks, En.

Ibushi hangs out with them all several times after this, but I usually don't bother with screencaps. Here's a short mostly-text recap of relevant or amusing happenings:

Ibushi sends Atsushi a happy text. Atsushi responds with something to the effect of "yeah isn't today great, let's hang out!!!" so they do, and Ibushi becomes friends with Atsushi before either of the others

Atsushi asks Ibushi if he wants to meet at the Spice Festival, Ibushi agrees because he was already at the Spice Festival anyway lmao

While they're there they spot En lurking by the curry contest wearing this

?????????????????????????????? Nice bracelets, En.

Ibushi chats with En online and befriends him also, making Kinshirou the last one he's not friends with? Weird

But almost as soon as he and En are friends, Kinshirou texts him asking him to go hang out in the park at 12:03am ... is he jealous ... it's especially suspicious because he takes Ibushi to the park that's mostly just a wedding venue. It starts raining as soon as they get there (Seasons!!!!!! best xpac) but they sit around in the rain anyway and become friends

"Incoming text message: En Yufuin. "Hey, I heard you became friends with Kinshirou Kusatsu! He's pretty cool!"" That is the most OOC thing the game has done so far

Atsushi invites Ibushi to the Romance Festival which is a little bit ??? until Ibushi goes and sees that En's come to sell paintings

Atsushi just wanted to bring his boyfriend more customers lmao. In any event, Ibushi splurges and buys both paintings. The diagram can make him focused which is good for gardening, and he just liked the doughnuts. I like how, when En goes out to sell his artwork, he brings a questionable mathematical diagram and a painting of sweets

So that's how things are going with the four of them, although I will say that by the time I start playing the Kinatsuen household, the inside of Ibushi’s house is looking much nicer and he's actually run out of space to put stuff. So don't worry about him, he's fine.

New with Seasons, a calendar that (among other things) tells me when everyone has a free day. Too bad I didn't have it when Enatsu were still struggling to go on a date.

Here's something troubling, though. The house is decorated that way (I think) because all the neighbors' houses get decorations relevant to the next holiday, and for a little while Kinatsuen were neighbors, not the active household. But they don't actually have the item that lets you add, remove, or change out decorations. So are they just going to be stuck with Halloween decorations forever...?

(No. Kinshirou will get them their box of decorations and insist on putting up seasonally appropriate decor.)

Also they need to get the gardening plants sorted out, now that most of them only grow in some seasons.

Look, I'm just really excited about the new glass roofs, okay. (Although why aren't there any white panes??? It looks so bad right now lol) I don't know why anyone would want to have a greenhouse on top of their bedroom but whatever, the game has HVAC now too. I just hope I don't forget the plants are there.

And now they finally have space (and money) for an observatory :D

I don't know what they're going to have beside the house where the plants were. Maybe that's where they'll make snowmen or whatever.

While Atsushi works and Kinshirou meditates, En explains the meaning of his newest painting to Hou-chan.

En: No, like, it’s abstract, right? So the fact that there’s no Loch Ness monster is the commentary on the Loch Ness monster. It could be anywhere, it could be nowhere. All you can see is the water.

For a while now, Atsushi has wanted to host a dinner party and cook for people. The arrival of their new neighbor (half a year ago since it’s now autumn but whatever okay) is a good opportunity.

As he gets started on a rack of lamb and En gets started on his dessert...

...Kinshirou introduces himself to Avery, even though they met earlier at Ibushi's welcome wagon, and possibly earlier than that at Kinatsuen’s own welcome wagon. Maybe Kinshirou doesn’t recognize him because he’s gotten old? I’ve done this too, forgetting you’ve already met someone. It’s super embarrassing.

It's a shame you have to invite 2+ guests to dinner parties tbh because I wanted it to just be the four of them. Ibushi looks pleased be here, at least.

They bought a stereo for ambiance during the party (i.e. it's part of one of the goals) but Hou-chan is terrified of it. :C

Looks like everyone’s pleased with the food.

And here’s a screenshot with just the important people, where their faces aren’t covered. What a nice dinner party. :D Good job, Atsushi!

screenshots that make you go hmmm

I would love to tell you what happened to En but I have, genuinely, no idea. I didn’t see it happen, there was no notif or informative moodlet afterwards... a mystery.

En and Atsushi are both asleep by the time the party's over because they're terrible hosts, so Kinshirou is the only one who gets to enjoy the confident moodlet they all got for their good party. It wasn't gold, but it was silver and that was all Atsushi needed for his cooking aspiration. So! Mission accomplished.

The next day is Halloween! I had to make it myself because it didn't come with the game. The holiday traditions are trick-or-treating, wearing costumes, telling stories, "spooky spirit", and decorating.

This is how I discovered that Sims can love or ignore traditions according to their personality traits. The more I play Seasons, the better it gets. En hates decorating and will not do it, but he likes wearing costumes... take that however you want. Meanwhile Kinshirou loves decorating (although the house was already decorated), he and Atsushi both love telling stories, and he ignores trick-or-treating because he's a snob <3

As soon as he wakes up, En gets in costume. It’s not a real premade outfit without a clippy hat!!

Kinshirou: What is that vulgar costume? I can't even look at it. En: Really? I thought you'd like it. It's from this porno where a guy—

Atsushi: En-chan, please, I'm not awake enough to play referee right now.

After breakfast En and Atsushi harass Kinshirou about costumes, until:

Atsushi: Kin-chan, your costume looks so good! En: Wow, yeah, it seriously does. Is that the supervillain costume? It’s a good look. Kinshirou: Ugh. These plebeian traditions...

Sims don’t work on Halloween, so Enatsu spend it telling each other spooky stories in costume.

Kinshirou, however, changes out of his costume as soon as possible and happily waters the plants.

Hou-chan is enjoying Halloween too!! As she deserves.

That evening, Atsushi handles the trick-or-treaters. He chooses to give treats to everyone so next year their house is going to be swarmed with kids, I suppose. The first time he does it, I have a minor freakout because it seems like it costs §75 to give a treat, but it turns out En has just spent §75 to start a medium-sized painting...

...which ends up being another impressionist masterpiece, and also, extremely cute.

Atsushi runs out back to burn this leaf pile behind their property that’s gotten gross, and that’s how I learn that adding spooky spirit to a holiday means lots of ghosts come out that night... so um.

Being the polite young man he is, he introduces himself. He’s terrified, poor thing.

Atsushi: Ah, yes, um, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Atsushi. Ghost: I am Paolo. Atsushi: Paolo! Nice to meet you, Paolo. So um... what... brings you to these parts... eheheh...

This is honestly En’s new favorite place to sleep.

The next morning, they're all happy because of their awesome Halloween. Kinshirou decides to spend this wonderful morning up in the greenhouse researching Atsushi's plants, which are quickly becoming his plants.

The greenhouse which now has a white CC roof, thank god.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATS, EN

He didn't even need the good easel from the promotion reward lol. That was the only reason he was even working, if you’ve forgotten. To get that easel so he could finish his aspiration. But he's so close to getting it that it seems like a shame to have him quit now. One more promotion then you can quit, En!!

Oh, lord, what should his next aspiration be though. There's no ultimate procrastination advocate aspiration... I think he just wants to enjoy his success for a little while. No need to start on something else right away, right? He can just chill out for a bit.

Honestly, though, I was just trying to get him to make another playful doughnut painting like Ibushi bought, but instead he made a masterpiece-quality playful painting that's in all other respects exactly the same as the playful painting we already had.

Can you tell the difference? No? I'll tell you the difference: The difference is, the painting on the top is a masterpiece that is worth §2,000 more and emits much more playful vibes than the identical painting on the bottom.

Meanwhile, Kin-chan has learned how to comfort himself with plants when he's lonely, even though there’s a cat right next to him.

And Atsushi is happily drinking tea that he believes to be “healthy green” tea. For once, En is the only Sim who has it together.

On the other hand, Kinshirou really is far and away the biggest earner in the household. Jeez. That's §4,621 right there. For comparison, that masterpiece of En's was his most expensive ever at about §2,300, and I almost never sell his masterpieces anyway because I feel bad about it. Atsushi brings in a little more than §500 a day.

En painted a second masterpiece in a row. He's so talented. :D That's a strange choice of subject for a flirty painting, though, since they're all dudes.

In the spirit of letting En have a chill time now that his aspiration is done, I downloaded a custom aspiration for him that's just about fulfilling whims. His life goal right now is to do whatever he feels like at any given moment. Very En, I think. Also I never pay attention to whims, so maybe this will get me to start.

Ibushi invites En over to hang out and En brings Kinshirou with him. A fun, relaxing afternoon at a friend’s.

...is what they think but then they arrive to find Ibushi literally freezing to death outside his home. It’s so cold out wtf why isn’t he wearing his cold weather clothes??

Everyone else is in their cold weather outfits! Why are you just standing around in short sleeves, Ibushi!!! God.

Despite the fact that he is near death, En has to practically drag him indoors and turn on the heat for him.

Ibushi: So cold :c En: Hey, here's an idea. Ibushi: Mm? En: Why don't you change into some warm clothes? You know, since it's freezing cold out?

Ibushi: Oh. You mean like this? En: ...yeah. Nice sweater.

Ibushi: *sensing sarcasm* Thank you. It's a shame I can't say the same about yours.

It’s at this moment, watching Ibushi, that I learned that uncomfortable Sims' lips tremble like they're about to start crying. He looks so sad and pathetic that I feel kind of bad, but like... honestly why didn't he just put on a sweater.

Here’s Woody Arima, the puppy Ibushi adopted. An aggressive little bby who barks all the time, but he's very loyal! And Ibushi was charmed by how he tries to be all fierce when he's so tiny. He’s a bit dirty now but don’t worry about that, it’ll be taken care of.

Apparently, Kinshirou is the type of guy who comes over to your house and then spends the whole time on your computer, chatting with other people.

En: Hahaha, that's hilari... huh? Kinshirou, where are you going? Kinshirou: I'm bathing your puppy, Ibushi. He's filthy. Ibushi: Oh, you don't need to— En: No, let him do it. Cleaning things makes him happy.

Presented without comment.

And then...

En: You're a good guy, you know? A good friend. Ibushi: You are too, I suppose. Despite the state of your winter clothes. En: Yeah, okay, whatever. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I don't think I have a better friend than you. Ibushi: Yes, I... feel the same way, En. En: ...You know what we have to do now? Ibushi: I believe so.

So now En and Ibushi are BFFs.

(I know this is a bit odd but my logic goes like this: Only one Kinatsuen couple can be BFFs since you can't have more than one, Kinshirou has to be married to his BFF for his aspiration so he has to be half of the BFF couple, and Kinatsu is a much more likely BFF duo than Enkin. So I'm glad En has someone to be best friends with now. Even if the lighting in these screenshots still makes me sigh sadly.)

Upstairs, Kinshirou is having a fun time doing his favorite activity: cleaning.

Clean doggo. The true Woody!

En chats with his new BFF a little more before he and Kinshirou have to head home to see Atsushi. In the background, all Ibushi’s plants are growing happily. I told you his house got less depressing.

When they get back, En plays in a leaf pile behind the house. What else are leaf piles for if not to play in, right??? We’ll get an answer to that later on in the post actually. In the background, Atsushi trots around being responsible and burning old piles that have started to rot.

Is this what fulfilling whims does for Sims? I should be doing it all the time. He’s so happy.

Atsushi: *singing under his breath* Cool guys don’t look at explosions... they blow things up and then walk away...

Lmao he won't go up to the door anymore. He just stands awkwardly at the top of the front steps for a while and then leaves.

A rare cutaway walls screenshot to show Kinshirou and En not even sharing a bed but sleeping in each other’s beds. (Also, yes, they leave the bathroom light on at night.)

Zundar begins to show his true colors. Although who detected these trace signatures of radiation, exactly?

Uh-oh. Is this his response to Kinshirou's biography of him? An autobiography written under a pseudonym?? Two different narratives competing for the public's attention???

While En and Atsushi are at work, Kinshirou and Hou-chan bond and become companions. :D He’s not concerned about your autobiography, Zundar.

A true modern relationship: Complaining about work to your gay boyfriend while he cranes his neck to look at you from his adjacent computer desk.

Atsushi curls his lip in contempt. He must have had a real bad day. Maybe he just needs to wear his glasses to work?

I am not gonna lie, he looks really, really attractive here.

Atsushi: You know what, Kin-chan? I'm sick of coming home every day with a headache. I'm wearing my glasses to work and if my boss doesn't like it, I'll talk to HR.

I can't believe it took me this long to google "how to edit someones work outfit in sims 4". God.

In fact, changing out of his work clothes altogether and meditating seems like a good plan right now.

He did it! That’s the easel! Congrats, En, now you can quit your job! That is a huge pay raise, though, it almost seems like a shame...

But look at that sulky face. He just wants to be done.

He and Atsushi both came home really wanting a vacation. Is it getting to be that time again...? I've been kind of wanting to send someone to Selvadorada. If Atsushi starts constantly getting the moodlet, maybe I'll think about it.

But before En quits his job, he has a plan.

En: Hello? Hi, it's Yufuin. Sorry about this, a last-minute thing came up and I'm going to need to take all my paid time off starting tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Thanks.

The new easel for which he toiled so long. His first two paintings on it are masterpieces :D

Other Sims just have whims about playing in leaves and stuff during autumn, but Kinshirou daydreams about doing chores. Who am I to deny him?

Oh, no... Hou-chan is scared of their nice cozy fireplace too...

Atsushi: Hey, hey, it's all right, Hou-chan. It won't hurt you.

En: Hey, welcome back. You worked hard out there, huh?

En: How about claiming your reward? ;) Kinshirou: What? En: ;))) Kinshirou: ...Ah.

Kinshirou: Very well.

Kinshirou: This is absurd. You come up with the most ridiculous ideas. En: You say that like you don't like it, but you’re smiling at me.

En: Now come on. Kinshirou: So abruptly—!

En: Yeah.

This is my new favorite WooHoo location. It’s a shame it’s only available during fall.

Kinshirou: Ah, you have a leaf on you. En: Oh, thanks. Kinshirou: Of course, you might not be so disheveled if you hadn’t rolled us around so much... En: Oh, really? Should I do it less next time then? Kinshirou: ... En: That’s what I thought.

Atsushi is having a nice time in front of the fire watching a cooking show, oblivious to the debauchery taking place on his own front lawn.

Kinshirou: ...and now the leaves are scattered around the yard again. Perhaps I should have predicted that. I suppose I should get them back in order. En: You really don't have to, you know. No one's going to care if you wait until morning. Kinshirou: I will care. En: Well, I'm going to sleep. Come find me when you're done. Kinshirou: ...I'll spend the night with Atchan.

How are those wedding plans coming along? Since Kinshirou probably won’t let him sleep all day, what is En even going to do with all his new free time? When will they move out, and what will happen to their neighborly relationship with Ibushi when they do? Are they actually going to go to Selvadorada? I can’t guarantee that most of those questions will be answered soon but I can promise that the next part will include, among other things, such delights(?) as Pretty Boy Day and En doing yoga.

[monkeypretzel]

New Joel Hodgson Interview About Season 12/2

Conducted during Season 12 (or 2) taping in LA the week of May 6 - 12, 2018, published August 14, 2018. Transcript is as accurate as my ears and headphones allow. Source cited at end.

Interviewer 1: All right. And uh we are here with Joel Hodgson; uh Joel thank you so much again for being here, this is like the 3rd time.

Joel: Oh, thank you so much guys, yeah.

Interviewer 1: Awesome. First question, obvious: how does it feel to be back for season 12?

Joel: Well, it’s funny, um, you have to, I mean, we’ve been, you know I guess it’s been about nine months since we really started like looking at movies, getting that going, really made a schedule and started writing in the new year, so that was… six months ago. And all that is just about these six days, really. And so, it’s kinda intense, um, because I couldn’t tell you what happens if something goes wrong, like if, if I get sick, or if one of our principal players can’t make it, we haven’t done that scenario, so that’s the thing that’s a little nerve wracking, but, um, but as far as just the ease of getting everything on it’s feet production-wise it’s been really good and uh gone a lot smoother than the first time which is understandable. So, so far so good, like you may have said or um, we’re ahead of schedule right now so we’re really grateful for that, and that’s why I can be here and do this. So things are going really good, and that has a lot to do with, [audible sigh] um, the producers at Alternaversal who have really shepherded all these different things so they’re all here now; the costumes and the puppets and all the props and the sets and stuff, so that’s all worked really beautifully.

Interviewer 1: Yeah, you guys are actually, yeah we came in and you’re actually really well ahead of schedule, which is unheard of on a, on a film set, really.

Joel: Yeah, and last year wa – or last season, was much harder, just ‘cause it was us trying to adapt to the Hollywood system, which is kinda it’s own language, and it’s own culture, and so we worked really hard to try to manage that – wanna a cut? Oh, it’s gone. Yeah, so we just wanted to um, you know, it was kinda like we knew that last season would be a big shakedown cruise and then this year we had a little more know-how and it went, it’s gone a lot smoother. Done a lot-

Interviewer 2: Jonah talked about the confidence.

Joel: What’s that?

Interviewer 2: Jonah talked about the confidence of coming back.

Joel: Yeah, it’s been really nice to just kinda feel like we all, we all know what the show is now, and prior to that, we didn’t. Prior to, you know, prior to doing it, it was kinda like, um, I don’t know how to explain it to you, but when I think of stuff, it’s kinda like a, it’s rendered, but it’s just enough for me to explain it to other people, but it’s not really rendered like a high end render or like a 3-D render, it’s more like rough, and mostly at each time, and every time you use a different vendor to fulfill it, and then any time somebody touches a costume, or a puppet, they, they often improve it, or bring something new to it that I couldn’t see or anticipate. I’m trying to think, you know, just that, we kinda showcased, um, coupla new characters today, and, and they were puppets, and you know, just the stuff Russ [Walko] did is we gave him a drawing and he went ahead and built it and brought a whole lot of new things to it. So that’s always a kinda fun part too, is just having people who are really talented just making things better.

Interviewer 3: Yeah, no, when it comes to this, the next season, that we’re doing now, that you’re working on now, are you excited about like what you’ve chosen for the film selections? Without giving any spoilers.

Joel: Um. Yeah, it’s really neat. We have um, some movies that I think are gonna knock people out. Just, just are really new for MST and, um, so I’m really excited about that, and we, um, there’s kind of a more of a concept to the season, I think, than last season; I think last season we were just trying to reestablish the world of the show and kinda live in it and I think now we’re kinda moving some pieces around and just so it, it kinda has, it feels like um… It’s almost like I was trying to do a thing where it was like, you know, when they do a sequel to a movie, you know all the characters but there’s usually a situation where they have to be doing something you weren’t familiar with, and that’s kinda what the second season is. It’s just getting all the characters to do something slightly different than just make Mystery Science Theater.

Interviewer 3: And has that changed like the shooting schedule at all for this season compared to last season?

Joel: Not really. I mean, Harold, I hope you guys get Harold in here to talk about this, ‘cause he’s really…[audible sigh] I can’t really, I can’t really think like that, like I can’t think, like figure out the actual time it will take to make it, I just have to kinda make sure I feel like the shape of it is correct and it feels right, and then he comes in and starts going “Well, this page count is way too high, we’ll never shoot this” and then Elliot and I had to go back in and just start cutting and, um mostly Elliot, I mean mostly I just said, you know, said to Elliot, um, “Man, we gotta cut like, we gotta cut like 10 pages outta this script and can you do that?” and he’s really talented at that, and I didn’t- And then the nice thing is once we got it to a certain space, uh, Tyler, our, our um, Tyler Stratton, our first AD said “We’re doing really good” and I go “Can I, I have some jokes I want to put back in from the past we cut out, can I put back in?” and then he said as long as it doesn’t add to the any more set ups, any more set pieces, and I, so that was really nice, to get to go back and pick some favorite things that we had to cut. So I felt like we did the best of both, I kept, I was able to keep my favorite stuff in and we were able to shorten the length of it.

Interviewer 1: Well, you got, once again this year you got, uh fans on the set, uh, uh, does that give an energy to the show that’s uh, that’s helpful you think?

Joel: It’s good, I mean, today was funny ‘cause I noticed, um, when we had to get up so early this morning, I mean we had to be here by six, so that means getting up at five and I was really tired, and I realized, um, when I was doing the Q & A, with the backers, it really kinda was tiring me out, ‘cause I felt like, I realized I was like performing? You know, I was kinda like trying to be funny, and trying to keep it moving, and I started to go “Is this a good idea?” You know, “Is this a good use of my energy?”, and uh, fortunately it’s a light day, you know we’re going to be out by five so it’s not a problem but I did have a moment where I go “Is this counterproductive?”, because we’re trying to make the show really good. But again, uh, you have really good people, and the idea is to design the production so well that I don’t, I’m not that essential to it. It’s like once we get here, it can kinda run itself, like, and so that’s kinda the idea, and that’s my dream, and obviously I’m not always gonna be doing this, so you want people to know how to do it, you know, so um, so it’s just like, it can, it’s supposed to keep going it can.

Interviewer 1: Yeah.

Joel: You know, yeah, but um, back to your question, I, I um, it’s really fun to, um, you know, like we were shooting the silhouettes, and um, people were really laughing at it, and that’s like a really great, great feeling, and the crew really laughs a lot while we’re doing the show, and I, I, I wouldn’t have too much of an opinion about it, but Jonah really likes it, and I really am there, as an advocate for Jonah, ‘cause that’s like the hardest gig, is being like, you know everyone, everyone else is kinda running a puppet or off camera, they’re safe, they’re behind a, a counter and they are looking at a script, and Jonah is the guy up there alone and then, it’s a, it’s a, having done it it’s a really tough gig, so I try to look out for him and he likes it so that’s really why it’s, it’s here. If he didn’t, if it made him uptight or if it made him not like it, I don’t think we’d be doing it. But he likes it, and it’s a really good um, you know, it’s just a way of um for about, I don’t know, 40-50 people, it’s just a way to kind of, um, show the work, and show people what we’re doing, and show ‘em how it works, and yeah, it’s kinda like a living document of how we make the show.

Interviewer 3: And yeah, it gives me more of an appreciation of seeing what goes on behind the scenes-

Interviewer 1: Oh yeah, absolutely!

Interviewer 3: I think unlike everybody else here, I wasn’t here last year, so [unintelligible, three people talking over each other] this is my first time seeing this.

Joel: Yeah, yeah, yeah I think so, it’s funny because y- it gives a reality to how it’s made and, and um, yeah, it’s, it’s super fun, I mean, I dunno what to compare it to, it’s kinda like, I mean, it’s really like a safari if you weren’t killing like endangered animals. Like, think of it that way.

Interviewers: (laughing) It’s like a hike!

Joel: But it’s like, it’s kinda like any kind of- or if you have to do a really, um, major operation or something where you have a bunch of experts, you have to conference on how to make it, you plan each day, you plan each moment, so everyone knows their job, and then you do it, and part of it is, for me is, you have to be kind of happy when you do it, you have to be enjoying it, and, and you have- it’s really important ‘cause if it’s not there I feel like the audience can tell. And so that’s really the big trick, is to be abstracted enough from the things that can go wrong, and, and feel like confident enough that it’ll be OK, that you can just kinda have fun and let it go and hopefully everybody is happy and.

Interviewer 2: So one thing you mentioned earlier in the Q & A was uh that Season 11, you fixed a lot of stuff in post, or you felt like you kind of put it together in post and it seems like for Season 12 you feel like you have a lot more control as it’s going on now. You mentioned that everything’s kind of getting shot in, in one kinda of thing. Do you think that’s just experience now?

Joel: Yeah, um, you know, I mean, when you think about the original MST, we had all this ramp up time, and there was no stress on the show, there’s no expectation, so it’s kinda like we were able to ramp up and do it very organically and move into it and it just was like, there wasn’t the same amount of attention and heat on it as there is now, where people just, and by heat I don’t mean anything other than there’s expectation. And so for me, because what, what you’re kind of doing with a production is there’s all these individual kinda moments and assets that you have, that you create- like, on the weekend we were shooting model shots, right? and that has a completely different vibe, it’s in a different location and it has a different kind of person that makes models and shoots models, and then there’s this kind of environment, and then there’s the audio environment when we record the audio stuff and there’s the post production stuff, and so all these things are at various scales of, um, of attention that you need to pay to, pay to what’s going on, and so, I felt like, um with Season 1, it was so hard to know if we were all on the same page, that really it was about gathering the assets together, and then kinda putting them together, and so it was a bit, I felt like it was a bit of a Frankenstein, um, in that we were just trying to put it together, um. Because the alternative would be, oh, um, how do you do Mystery Science Theater? Oh, you go back to Minneapolis, you have a campus in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, you take a bunch of people who have never done comedy before, you put ‘em in a room, and that would be completely unfair to the people who you were doing it to. So this meant using all these different pros to make the show, and how do you get it to land so it feels like the show, and so that’s why I think, um, we had to spend a little more time just arranging stuff, uh, in post. And so now that everybody gets it, we can just kind of do it more like we used to do it, now that it- we feel like everybody understands the show and how to make the show, it’s uh, it’s a lot closer to the way we made it in Eden Prairie, I think. So I think that’s, to answer your question, that’s kinda it, how I feel it’s different.

Interviewer 1: I’ve been watching the clock because you actually have a show to make and uh we have hit the time uh until Ivan needs you back on set-

Joel: OK! Yeah, awesome you guys, well, hopefully we’ll have more time to talk but I, since we had time today I really wanted to get in here just because we got lucky with the time, so thank you again for comin’ and documenting all this stuff, really appreciate it, and thanks for your ongoing support and everything.

Interviewers: Thank you.

Source: https://soundcloud.com/mst3krevivalleaguepodcast/episode-126-joel-hodgson-erik-peterson Time stamp 5:00 - 18:35

[pylopenpolo]

Enforceable Magic - Chapter 1

Summary: Anne Pamgkrth get’s her Hogwarts letter and goes to Hogwarts and gets to follow her older brother Daniel, only to meet Ben, Jacen, Jania, and Anakin Solo on the train. This is the first start of her year at Hogwarts, what would her other’s be like. 

Pairing: Ben Solo x OC

Word Count:  2786

Fic Master List | Master list

Chapter 1 - First Bewitching

“Mum,” I looked up at my mother with wide excited eyes. “Is it from them?”

My mother looked down at me with a wide smile. “Anne, you’re going to Hogwarts!”

I smiled brightly up at my mother, before squealing and jumping up and down. 

“How about you go and wake up your brother and tell him the good news?” My mother smiled down at me. 

Within an instant, I ran up the stairs to go and wake up my brother.

“No running in the house, Anne!” My mother yelled behind me.

I burst into my brother’s room and turned on the lights as I did so. “Dan, Dan!” I smile wide and I ran over to his bed and jumped on it.

“Anne, stop!” He playful pushed me off of him as he sat up. “What’s got you in a twist?”

“I got accepted into Hogwarts!” I smiled up at him.

My brother smiled down at me, got out of bed and hugged me tightly. “Oh, Anne! I’m so proud! Your not as dumb as I thought!”

I glared up at him and kicked my brother in the leg.

My older brother, Daniel, was 5 years older than me, and he was lucky enough to turn 11 because the school year started in England. My brother and I were born in Australia and live in Australia, but my mother was raised in England and went to Hogwarts as a girl. Because of her school bais, she made sure we got into the school as well. Our father is a muggle who was raised in Australia. He wasn’t very supportive of my brother and I boarding in another country, but he let our mother control our education for the wizarding world. 

This year, I would be entering my 1st year at Hogwarts, and my brother would be entering his 6th, meaning it was his second last year at the school. Even with the lack of a muggle education, my brother wanted to go to a muggle university afterwards. 

I was excited for the new year though. I never went to a wizard school before, no duh. I had only been in the Australian muggle school system, a girl’s school. It was… Not the best. 

“Do you think Hogwarts has a program to help out with dyslexics?” I asked my brother.

Dan was holding my hand on our way to the train station. Mother would usually go with him, but because it was my first time, she wanted me to go with Dan without her. She believed by the time I was 16, I could do this myself as well.

“I’m not sure, Anne. That is something you’re going to have to ask.” He smiled sweetly down at me. 

Even though Dan was my older brother, he was a lot like me. We didn’t ask questions, even when we really need them. One thing that made us different was that I had dyslexia, while my brother didn’t I diagnosed with it last year after my mother pushed the school to have me tested. 

“Hey, Solo!” Dan smiled and waved off at someone as we came close to the train station. 

A tall 15-year-old boy stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. A couple and 3 other kids also looked at us two. The woman, who I guessed was the mother of the children smiled and waved over at us. 

“Daniel Pamgkrth, oh how have you grown!” She said in a sweet voice. The woman looked down at me. “And who is this young lady?”

“This is my younger sister, Anne.” Dan pushed me forward where I shyly raised my hand to shake her’s. “This will be her first year at Hogwarts.”

“Oh really?” She smiled. “Are you nervous about your first year Anne?”

I nodded my head, not wanting to speak.

“My, she reminds me a lot of you when you were this age.” She teased my brother.

My brushed laughed and blushed. “Oh don’t say that you’ll make me feel old!”

“How do you think I feel?” She laughed with him. “Anne, these are Jacen Jania and Anakin. This is their first year at Hogwarts as well.”

Jacen and Jania looked like twins, their hair was both parted in the middle. The only difference was that Jania had long hair and smiled brightly. She was noticeably shorter than her twin. Jacen looked rather tough-looking while Jania and Anakin looked soft. Anakin was noticeably the baby out of the three. 

I looked behind them and saw the 15-year-old glaring at me. 

“Oh, and that is my oldest, Ben. He is in year 5 this year.” She smiled down at me again. “I am Leia, and this is my husband, Han.”

Han just nodded his head and had a fast smile. I just hold my brother’s hand tighter. 

My brother picked up my uneasiness, starts to wrap things up. “We should start to head to the train, don’t you agree?”

“Oh, great idea!” Leia turns and pushes with her hands waving in the air. “Let’s go kids!”

I held onto my brother tightly and he gave me a gentle smile as we followed the Solo Family.

I looked up at the oldest, Ben, and see him glaring at my brother. I tried hiding from his caramel eyes as I hid beside my brother.

I dumped myself into the train seat. I had one carry on bag with me that my brother took from me and put above me. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit with your friends, Dan?” I asked as I sat myself up properly. 

“I told you, not to worry about it,” I replied, putting his own carry with his bag next to mine. “Besides, I have to make sure you remember to change right before we get there.”

Dan sat across from me and rested his head back. I looked out the window and saw other parents kiss their kids right before they got onto the train.

“Why didn’t mum do this for me?” I looked over at my brother, feeling rejected.

“She did it with me sure, but she probably thinks it would be better for you. Plus, I could keep you safe. Mum is more about work. Sure she loves us like dad, but they use to stay behind so they couldn’t go home as kids, and they just got into that habit.”

I didn’t understand the want to stay away from home, but Dan told me it was a good idea to wait until I was older to learn why. I sighed and brought my knees to my chest. 

There was a knock at our compartment and we turned our heads to see Jacen and Anakin waving in. Dan smiled and got up to open the door.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Dan asked in a peaceful yet joyful tone. 

“They want to sit with you guys.” Ben stood behind them with Jania beside him. 

Dan smiled brightly. “Sure! Come in! Will you as well, Ben?”

Anakin and Jacen sat right next to the door but on either side. Then there was a spot next to Jacen and me, and one now in the middle between Dan’s spot and Anakin’s new claimed spot. 

Ben pushed his sister in, and she shyly took the seat next to me and her twin. “Mother would snap my neck if I left these idiots by themselves first year.”

Dan laughed nervously as he reclaimed his seat and Ben taking it next to him.

I looked up at Ben. His glare was mean sure, but he had a very skinny body, big ears, short hair, big nose, and took up an uncomfortable amount of space. 

“What house are you expecting to be in?” 

I turned my attention to the voice and saw the speaker being Anakin. He had much more of a babyface and seemed to be the most soft-spoken in the group. 

“When my mum went here she was in Hufflepuff, and my brother is also in Hufflepuff.” I answered.

“Your family is full of pushover Hufflepuffs, ain’t it Pamgkrth?” Ben said rudely to Dan.

“Excuse me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t worry about it, Anne.” Dan smiled calmly to me. “It’s a joke that Hufflepuff’s a pushover, Ravenclaws are always in books, that Slytherins are evil and that these loser Gryffindors are heroes. Spoilers, they ain’t.”

Ben glared at Dan. “Heroes? You were the one that saved that girl last year from a tree and charmed her?”

This was the first I’m hearing about this and snapped my head to Dan where he laughed at my reaction.

“Yeah, that girl still sends me letters. It’s been 2 years now.”

I was so out of the loop about this one. Dan didn’t talk about his school life in his letters. He only sent those to mum. To me, he just replied to my letters. His pet owl was very good at finding me, no matter where I was. 

The train started moving and I gripped onto the seat. This was going to be a long rid.

“Welcome to Hufflepuff First Years!”

The tour of the school so far after dinner wasn’t the best. We only just got the common room and I was tired. I just wanted to snuggle up into bed with my pet cat Bentley. 

“Up the stairs, the boys’ room will the first door and the girls’ room will be the second door. All your belongings will be set up next to your beds.”

It had been a month in Hogwarts, and I hadn’t really made any friends besides from Anakin and Jania. I stayed mostly with Anakin though. Jacen and Jania had turned 12 a month into school, but according to Anakin, he turned 11 on July 1st. Apparently that’s an important date in America. I only turned 11 3 weeks before school started. 

The English school system made no sense to me, and I informed Anakin of what happens in Australia with the school. That Jacen and Jania would be in the above us because they were born a year older. No duh. According to him though, that would mean Ben would be in my brother’s year.

My brother’s year was wired. Everyone was super friendly to me in the older years. Maybe because I was in the First Year, but some of the girls kept asking me about my brother. It got frustrating. 

My social battery was going low, so I decided to find a spot to sit by myself. It was something I did when I was younger. I could just entertain myself with my wild imaginations. 

As I walked down the halls, I found a spot that was quiet and no one was really going that way. I hid in a little window seal and rested my head on the window and looked down onto the grounds. It was nice and quiet up here. 

“Why else do you think your parents send you off here, Ben? To learn magic?” An older man’s voice spoke.

I froze and brought my knees closer to my chest.

“Profesor Snoke,” Ben’s voice replied. “I know you’re trying to help me, but these personal classes are getting kinda violent.”

I was couldn’t move even if I wanted to. I didn’t want to be here and listen to this.

“Ben, my boy. You are confused. You are the strongest wizard here, maybe even stronger than your Uncle. You can only find out by doing the curse.”

“I know sir, you’ve told me. But this year, isn’t the right year. It’s my siblings the first year and I don’t want to hurt them.”

“Listen to me boy!” Snoke shouted at Ben. “I’ve helped you throughout the years, and I can make you stronger. All you have to is prove your loyalty. You go find Harry Potter’s secret room and find the lost key to Lord Vodermort so we can bring him back. Once you do that, we can start your true training.”

I was shocked by what I was hearing. There was a long pause, that made me question if they were gone until Snoke spoke again.

“How about I leave you to think about it?”

I could hear Snoke’s smirk as he spoke with his cold voice. 

I heard Snoke walk away, his heels clinking. Only when I couldn’t hear them anymore did I look out and see Ben standing by himself, him back facing me. I got down from my spot.

“Hey, Ben.” I spoke.

Ben snapped his head around and jumped as if he had been court doing a crime. Well, kinda.

“Are you alright?” I asked as I slowly made my way over to him.

His eyes were red from crying. His face grew angry.

“What do you want? How long were you there for? How much did you hear?”

I got closer to him and looked up at him. I would say I was two-thirds of his height. 

“I heard the whole thing. I came up here to get away from people, I didn’t know anyone else was here. Ben, are you-?”

“Leave me alone, Pamgkrth!”

Ben turned to leave, but I grabbed his arm. He glared down at me, but all he could see was my concerned face.

“Ben, I may not know you very well, and I may not know a lot of things, or what you have been told to do, but I can tell it hurts you. I really don’t want to claim to know you upon our second time talking, but I can see and I could hear it hurt you to hear those things from someone you trust.”

Ben looked down at me, his eyes welling up with tears again.

“Ben, if that man is telling you to do things you don’t want to then tell him such. If he gets mad at you for that then maybe he isn’t a good person to have around you. I’m pretty sure that was teacher, correct me if I’m wrong, but at my muggle school, teacher’s didn’t isolate a student away to tell them to do something wrong. Teacher’s don’t talk to students outside of the classroom because it can look like from an outsider that something bad is happening. I don’t what, mum doesn’t tell me.”

Ben pulled his arm away. “You really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe I don’t Ben, but let’s say a student was treating you this way instead of a teacher, it still would be wrong. No one has the right to pull you aside and tell you to do something you don’t want to do. Maybe you do, I don’t know, but you seem to hurt that he even asked you, or is pressuring you to do these things.”

Ben looked down at me with sad eyes. His shoulders lowered and he looked out the window. I saw tears fall from his eyes and held onto his hand and give it a soft squeeze.

“It started in my first year here,” Ben stated, not looking at me. “I was upset with my parents for sending me here. I wanted to live with them. I wanted to be around them. I didn’t want to be left alone.”

I could understand. I didn’t like being away from my mother or brother. It’s been hard. Maybe that’s why I wanted to be alone because I felt alone. Maybe the only reason why I only had Anakin and Jania was that I wasn’t ready to open up and they forced their way in.

“I had an anger issue, ever since I was small. I thought that’s why they sent me away.”

“You probably get this a lot, but they didn’t send you away for that Ben. I really do know how it feels Ben. I want to go to a Wizard School in Australia where the school system makes sense. I want to be with my mum and hug her whenever I want. But I missed my brother when he was gone, and I saw how much my mother missed him too. Your parents do miss you, Ben, they just want you do go to a good school. I know I probably sound stupid, with how young I am and how much I don’t know about the world, but they do care Ben. They do miss you.”

Ben had large amount of tears going down his face as he heard my words. Maybe a First-Year saying this to the Fifth year was wired, but I really hoped my message got through to him.

Ben squeezed my hand in return and smiled.

“Thank you, Anne.”

Ben’s smile was really cute.

[clevernewdimension]

Exhaulted Part Fifteen

Parts: Prologue, One, Two, Three (M), Four, Five, Six (M), Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen (Coming Soon!)

Genre: Drama, Romance, Violence, etc.

Pairing: SehunxReaderxMinseok

Word Count: 4.7K

A/N: late #oops next one will probably be too but on the plus side spoiler for this part looks like next one is gonna be smutty goodness

The next thing I know, I’m lying down. Opening my eyes, I feel throbbing in the back of my eyes, my head pulsing with pain. I look, seeing a table next to the bed I was on. I sit up, looking around. I couldn’t really focus on the details, but it wasn’t my room or any room I knew. I see a small note on the bedside table, along with two pills and a glass of water.

‘Y/N,

This is what a hangover feels like. Not a nice feeling, right? Next time, don’t down that much bourbon so quickly. Take the medicine, it will help. Don’t worry, you’re at our party place. You remember, the converted storage lockers? That’s where you are, so don’t freak out. Anyways, someone is there, so don’t be alarmed. Not sure who, depends on when you wake up. Eat something, drink a lot of water, and rest. If you want to go home, ask the person there to take you. Please don’t try to drive yourself.

Stay safe please, Junmyeon.’

Though the pain, I felt myself smiling. Totally the mom of the group, that can’t even be argued. I stretch, quickly taking the pills and drinking the whole glass of water. Standing was easy now, as I walked over and lift the door, hauling it up and over my head. I set it down, not wanting to cause any loud noises whatsoever. I find the stairs, going down and heading towards the area they made into a living room.

It was cleaner than the last time, not a red plastic cup or bottles of beer in sight. I see, sitting on one of the couches, facing the T.V., Jongin. He glances over, hearing me shuffle in. He smiles, waving before looking at me more. His faces goes red, turning away as he reached behind him. He tosses his hoodie over at me.

“Um...  what,” I ask, looking at it in my hands.

“Look down,” He says, a tiny bit of stuttering at the words.

Glancing down, I see that from the waist up, I was completely bare. I sigh, pulling it on and zipping it up, muttering to myself how ridiculously clueless I could be. “Sorry, I guess I didn’t notice anything besides the massive headache I have.”

“It’s ok,” He says, turning and seeing I was now in his hoodie. “Sehun and Yixing mentioned something about you in your drunken state complaining about being too hot.” Jongin reaches, grabbing the remote and turning off the T.V. “I’m just shocked you’re not super shy like… well, you normally are with things like this…”

“You can watch it,” I exclaim, sitting beside him. “I mean, no point in being shy now. You already saw them, what point would be getting nervous and blushing be after that? You can watch that, though. I didn’t mean to disturb your T.V. time.”

“No, it was just boring daytime shows anyways. Just a lot of middle aged women talking about diets plans, workout routines and sex tips,” Jongin says before he stands, “Just wait there, ok?”

“Were my tits that bad of a sight it ran you off,” I say, jokingly as I lean back, putting on the hood and shielding my eyes from the minimal lights. “Here I thought they were pretty.”

“Yes. I mean, no! I-uh… n-nothing,” He says from the kitchen.

I just giggled to myself, pulling a unused blanket from the other side of the couch. I wore shorts and I didn’t really feel cold, I just wanted the comfort of the blanket.

When Jongin came back, he held a massive bottle of water in one hand and a pint of ice cream and a spoon stuck into it in the other. “Figured you’d want something to eat when you woke, so I stopped by the store and got this on my way here. Pretty sure I couldn’t go wrong with sea salt caramel.”

“Thank you,” I say, taking the ice cream as gleefully as my headache could allow. “Have you been here long?”

“Just about an hour,” He says, sitting beside me as I take a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. It took everything in my power not to moan at the taste. I already embarrassed Jongin today, I shouldn’t add to it by acting weird. He just grins, “Before me it was Minseok. I never seen my older brother that worried. Told him it was just a hangover before he clues me in on what happened yesterday.” Jongin just shakes his head, his hair falling a bit into his face, “Minseok’s very smart, and often right. When he told me his suspicions, I thought he was an idiot. Well, turns out I’m the idiot for doubting him.”

“You’re not an idiot,” I say, my mouth full of ice cream. I swallow it before continuing, “It was extremely far-fetched. Me? Daughter of the fucking Acting King?”

Jongin nodded, “Sehun filled me in on what happened. I’m sorry, I know you’re in a lot of pain and your emotions over everything are all over the place.”

“Sehun told you,” I ask.

He shrugs, “Well, not everything. The things you don’t want him to tell, he doesn’t. He’s very loyal that way. I tell him a lot of things like that, too and he’s never told anyone.”

I smile at that, “I take it you both are close?”

Jongin nods, “He’s my best friend. I tell him everything. I don’t want to pile more on Minnie, so I talk to Sehun instead.”

I smile, eating and drinking the water as we both kept talking. The dance was tomorrow, he was a bit nervous about the final, wanting it to be absolutely perfect. I assured him that he’s a wonderful dancer and from what I’ve seen of them practicing, it looked great. Soon, the ice cream was gone and I could feel my eyes getting heavy again.

“Sleepy,” He asks, smiling.

“A little,” I mutter.

He turns to me, placing a pillow in his lap, “Here. I can help your headache too.”

“Are you sure, I don’t want to inconvenience you…”

“I’m sure,” Jongin says, smiling sweetly.

I turn, laying down on the pillow and closing my eyes. The lights dim, making me jump a little.

“It’s ok, just me,” He says with a laugh, “There’s a remote to the lights, is all.” I feel him reach over, fingers gently massaging at my temples.

I sigh, relaxing. “It’s nice to just relax for a bit and forget all the shit going on,” I mutter. My headache slowly easing away as I find myself drifting off to sleep again.

I feel my eyes open, everything bright around me. I open them, finding myself standing in the middle of a massive hall, part of the castle maybe? I turn, seeing Jiyeong Song walking over. He smiles, placing a crown on my head.

“Are you ready,” He asks, grinning and offering an arm.

“What are you talking about, what’s going on,” I ask, feeling panic rising.

He gives me a puzzling look, “How could you have forgotten? Forgetfulness doesn’t suit a princess, Y/N. It’s your wedding day.”

“What,” I ask, looking around in panic. I blink and suddenly I’m before a priest in a huge chapel. Tons of people taking picture after picture. I was in a poofy white wedding dress, a veil in my hair. I look back, seeing my Father holding my Mother’s hand.

“Mom,” I ask, feeling a shiver down my spine.

“It’s ok,” She says with a smile, “We picked him just for you!”

I turn, seeing Minseok standing with a tux on, looking super handsome. I blink and hear him saying, “I do.”

The older priest smiles, clasping his hands together, “I now pronounce you both man and wife. You may now kiss your bride!”

I turn, looking back over, seeing Sehun standing where Minseok once stood. His hair brown, styled back with a beaming smile on his face.

Sehun smiles as he gently takes my face in his hands. “I love you,” He mutters before pressing his lips to mine.

I close my eyes, savoring the feeling before I feel the hands tighten. He pulled back and I open my eyes, seeing Daejung, a sick, twisted smile on his face. I could feel myself feel queasy, seeing him. Having him touch me makes me want to puke, the thought of marrying him… I can’t go back. I can’t!

“I don’t give up what’s mine easily, Y/N. You know that,” He says, glaring at me with his huge beaming psychotic grin.

A far away voice calls my name as I stand there, glued as I looked down, seeing my parents and friends all in the crowd. Minseok was smiling, happily clapping. Sehun was seated by Lina’s mother, bruised, beaten and bloodied. I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out.

My names is called again, louder this time as I blink, suddenly in the bathroom of a huge house.

“Y/N,” Daejung’s voice screams, echoing through the house. “You better be exactly where I left you or so help me god!”

Panicking, I look at my reflection. My face completely bruised, blood from my nose, my eye red with blood. There’s pounding on the door and I jump, before looking at my hand. A straight razor that Daejung uses to shave. I open it, tears falling from my face as the voice calling be becomes one with Daejung’s screams of my name.

I blink again, watching the straight razor fall from my hand. The deep cut on my wrist pouring blood as I started to feel faint. It stained my hands, the floor, everywhere as it kept pouring up. The room was filling up somehow, as the door still shook from the angry fitsts beating it over and over. The screaming, the anger, the smell of copper all making my head feel light as soon he room is overflowing, no place left to go. My lungs screaming for air.

I can’t hold on as somehow his voice and the pounding was still crystal clear in my mind. Finally, my lungs ached so badly I gasped, the thick, warm crimson liquid fighting its way into my lungs. They hurt as I thrashed around, trying to find some place to go to just make it stop!

I gasp, sitting up right. I was breathing heavily, scrambling away from anything and everything.

“Woah, Y/N, It’s ok, It’s me, Jongin!” He says, standing up and looking at me.

“W-what happened,” I ask, practically screaming as my eyes scan the room. It was still dark, my head thankfully not longer throbbing.

“You were sleeping, then you got restless. You were screaming and I was trying to wake you up but you just kept screaming,” He explains, using the remote to turn on the lights. Jongin looks at me, worry all over his body.

“I had a-a Nightmare,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I… I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m sorry. God, you probably think I’m some unhinged freak between this and all the other shit going on.”

Jongin frowns at that, “Not at all. I would never. It’s normal to be like this after traumatic events. PTSD isn’t a joke, and studies find that people who have been… well, in a situation like you and Sehun, often have PTSD more often than soldiers who fought in wars.”

I chuckle, trying to cut the tension in me down a bit. “You know a lot about this.”

“I read up about it when Sehun told me. He didn’t tell me who or any specifics, just the overall things.” He shrugs, “The idiot is my best friend. I wanted to help him best I can, so I read about it. Even went to an open talk about it that was hosted on campus a semester back.”

I couldn’t help but to smile hearing that. He looked shy, like he was trying so hard not to say the wrong thing.

He looks away, checking the time on his phone. “Is there anything I can help you with? I mean, you said you didn’t want to talk about it, so-”

“Dance with me,” I say, getting up.

Jongin gives me a confused look, “But your head…?”

“It’s fine,” I say with a smile, “It’s no longer hurting. Still have cotton mouth, but I suppose I deserve that.”

He smiles, walking over to the speaker system. It takes a few seconds for a really bass heavy song comes through.

“Remember, I’m not good at this, so don’t judge me,” I say, just wanting to lose myself in something for a moment as I move my body to the quick tempo.

“You weren’t… well, horrible,” He says, trying to spare my feelings in his assessment of my dancing. I remember very vividly stepping on his toes multiple times the last time.

“I’ll take it,” I say with a laugh.

For hours we dance. Slow songs, fast songs, fun songs, sad songs… it didn’t matter. Jongin would twirl me and pick me up as if it was nothing. We do ballroom dances, hip hop dancing, modern, it was all fun and new. I smiled, watching him lose himself to the music and let his body become its puppet. He helped me, keeping an eye on me even though we were both safe and the security system was on.

I sit on the couch, the sleeves of the hoodie pushed up. I take the bottle of water, drinking some as I watch him. We’ve been just dancing for over five hours and still it looks effortless for him. We took a break to order a pizza in, not really wanting to go out and would rather just have fun. We stopped in the middle of Jongin teaching me the Foxtrot basics now. He had experience in ballroom dancing and contemporary dancing, and through the day it showed. Jongin was also amazingly good at teaching people how to dance better. I was an awful dancer and even I was barely stepping on his toes after a little while.

He comes back, a pizza box in hand. “You’re definitely getting better. Way, way better,” Jongin says with a grin, setting the box down between the two of us on the couch. He opens it, taking one of the slices for himself. “You keep pulling your head back and lifting your shoulder, so the frame isn’t great, but honestly that really only matter if we were dancing competitively. I’d say if you figure out your left foot from your right foot you’d be well on your way to being an amazing dancer.”

I take a slice of the pizza, noting that the only topping on it was bacon. I just smile, shrugging as I take a bite. I speak with my mouth full, not caring about looking pretty or elegant in the moment. After trying the Foxtrot I just wanted to be inelegant for a bit. “I just can’t. I’m so sorry, I’ve probably bruised your toes a bunch…”

He waves that comment off, also speaking with his mouth full, “It’s fine. But you have to remember a dance is a conversation. When you dance with just yourself, it’s one between you, the music and yourself. It’s personal that way, just you and the music, really. When you dance with a group, it’s you with the others, the music with you, and the group as a whole. But when it’s just two people,” He pauses to take another bite, chewing a little before he starts again, “It’s just… I don’t know, in a way more personal and just yourself or in a group. Because then you’re not focused on a number of other people or just the song and the rhythm and melodies. With just two people it’s almost like the conversation is more about the relationship with the two dancing than it is about the music.”

I give him a weird look, “Um… what?”

Jongin just gives me a smile, before holding of a finger, finishing off the piece. He nods at me, “Think of it like you’re talking to someone. When it’s just you, you’re talking to yourself. When in a group, trying to talk with just one specific person is harder because there is so many distractions and other people getting your attention. But when it’s just one on one, like we are now, the conversations flow easier and you only focus on one specific person. You get to know them better, you learn about them and who they are. Dancing one on one is like that… only closer.”

“So what are you learning about me from the conversation my feet keep telling yours,” I ask, smiling as I finish off a piece, picking up another to start.

The laugh that follow was just giddy and bubbly. “I’m learning that you don’t exactly have the best sense of direction, you don’t like not being able to lead, and that you’re very polite and feel really bad about hurting me, even though it doesn’t hurt at all.”

“I mean come on,” I say with a mouthful of food. It sounded just awful and gross and made us both laugh. We quickly eat, I have three of the eight slices and he had five.

Jongin wipes his mouth with one of the napkins that came with, “Seriously, though. A dance between two people can be just… it’s like a little moment in time between the two people. Just wrapped up in themselves, moving as one and helping and trusting the other.” After that, he stands, offering me his hand. “Come on,” Jongin says, the smile on his face giving me a kind and trusting look.

“Still going to teach me,” I ask, standing as he takes the phone out of his pocket, changing the song to a slower one that had a more jazz feel to it.

“Nope,” He says, taking my hand in his and putting his arm under mine and placing it behind me, touching my shoulder blade. I was so much smaller than him that being in frame was rather difficult. As I put my hands in the correct positions, Jongin says, “We’re just going to dance it. No teaching, no anything. Don’t mind if you step on me, just keep your eyes on me, and trust me to lead.”

We move along with the rhythm, doing the steps. For the first few counts, I can’t help but think about the steps. Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow, quick, quick, over and over, turning when we need. I keep my eyes on him as he moves us along as gracefully as he can with me in tow to the music. He smiled at me, as we move along. I step on his foot but I just focus on his face. Jongin has this charisma that just comes out when he’s dancing that’s just so entrancing. I felt his hand squeeze mine, smiling as he led me. Soon the song changed and our Foxtrot turned into just a slow dance. No really complicated moves. Now we just had fun like before. The slow dance stopped when a high energy song came on. We danced like we were in the middle of a rave from then on, laughing and just going crazy.

The songs go from fun to ones with really light hearted one. He just laughed, picking me up and spinning me.

“This is the most fun I’ve had in awhile, “He says, still holding me up by my thighs. I pull him, hugging him close and just smile. With my quick movements, he stumbles forward, foot hitting the couch with a fairly loud crack. I jump, my mind remembering the dream. I pull away, almost thrashing as I panic.

Jongin quickly turns to that, in my panicked state, I’d fall onto the couch. He manages to catch himself before falling to the side. “Are you ok,” He asks, looking at me with concern etched on his face.

I let out a shaky breath, “I just… the nightmare…”

He nods, patting my arm gently. He doesn’t ask, and doesn’t try to invade my space in case I was still scared.

I turn to him, the words coming from my mouth quickly, “It was a wedding. Everyone was there. My mother and King Song… you guys and Lina… well, that’s about all the people I know, really. I looked over and I was marrying Minseok.”

Jongin just turns, his expression serious as he just lets me unload all of these feelings on him. He takes a hand, clasping mine as he listens intently, letting me speak without interruption.

“Then, in the middle of the ceremony, it’s now Sehun,” I explain, my heart beating fast, “The person officiating the ceremony said kiss the bride and I close my eyes and kiss him and then it changed. The feeling changed and when I opened my eyes it was him, it was the person who abused me and he just smiled at me with this freaky grin. Then I blink and I was in a locked bathroom. He started beating on the door. H-he wanted to hurt me. He wanted to hit m-me. So I took the straight razor he always used and I…” I shake my head, feeling the tears I didn’t know were there fall off my chin. “So I cut my wrist. I didn’t want to s-suffer anymore. I couldn’t go back to him-I CAN’T go back to him. But the blood just kept going and g-going until I was literally drowning-”

Jongin pulls me to him, hugging me tightly as I just cried. He muttered words to me but I couldn’t hear them. He kept me there in his strong arms, helping me get through this panic attack. I just cried until I couldn’t anymore as I just sat on his lap, facing him. My head in his neck and I just held onto the only thing and person in the room that I knew wouldn’t hurt me. Both arms around him, trying to anchor myself down from the panic and the fear.

Then there was a stillness. I could hear us breathing but my crying had stopped. His arms around my waist held me tightly, but it wasn’t suffocating like Daejungs would have been. I hear his heartbeat, helping me calm down as I just take a deep breath in. “I’m sorry,” I mutter, my voice the quietest it’s ever been. For a second I thought he didn’t hear me.

Then he speaks. His voice soft like mine, “Don’t be. I’m glad I was here for you and you’re not alone during this.”

One of my hands just pet at his soft hair, taking a deep breath and smelling his faint cologne. “I just feel dumb when I cry.”

“Everyone feels dumb when they cry,” He says with a small chuckle. “But you definitely shouldn’t. You’ve suffered in silence enough, let people be there for you and be strong for you. It won’t kill you and trust me when I say none of us mind at all.” He pulls me back, hands grabbing my face, making me look at him. His brown eyes were warm, not showing even a hint of being upset at what just happened. “People have times of weakness, and that’s ok. I’m just so happy you don’t have them alone anymore. You’re amazing and wonderful and anyone would be lucky to have to as a friend. Let us take care of you when you need it. Don’t be ashamed.” He says, leaning forward and giving my forehead a quick kiss.

I smile, “All of you sure like kissing people’s foreheads, I swear.”

He laughs, pinching one of my cheeks lightly, “You’re just so cute sometimes that people can’t help it!”

I smile, leaning forward and hugging him again, “Thank you. For everything today.” My mind still remembering the vivid dream.

“It’s genuinely my pleasure,” He says, hugging me back again. “You’re a lot of fun when you let yourself be free and relaxed.”

“Had a lot on my mind for years, too busy to have fun,” I say, before leaning back. I jump at the sound of his phone chiming.

He takes it out of his pocket, looking at the screen. “Lina asks how you are, if we’re ok and says this dinner she’s at is boring and she’d rather drill a hole in her head than be there.”

“Overdramatic as usual,” I mutter, making him laugh as he texted her back before setting his phone down.

“I find it funny that it was Minseok and Sehun in your dream, though,” He says, his hands on my waist.

If it were any other situation, sitting on someone’s lap like this would have felt sexual, like I was expecting something else. But like we are, we’re just talking and being close. Weird, sure, but I was happy there was no sexual tension in this moment right now. Jongin just seems like he’s being friendly, like he has all day. “Why,” I ask, looking at him.

“Well, I mean… it’s really no secret that Sehun absolutely adores you,” Jongin says with a smile.

“I know… Minseok told me that. Said That Sehun loves me and I deserve someone who loves and understands my situation,” I mutter, pulling the hood that somehow came up over my head off.

Jongin gives me a weird, puzzled look. “He said that?”

I just nod, not understanding why he was shocked.

“But why would he say that,” Jongin asks,letting go of me and crossing his arms. “I really shouldn’t tell you because… well, he’s my brother, but Minseok feels the same as Sehun does.”

My eyes go wide, a blush forming, “Excuse me, what? I think I heard you wrong.”

“He’s my brother? Well, I’m adopted but the last name is the same-”

“Not that,” I mutter, lightly tapping his chest with my hand.

He rolls his eyes, “Y/N, Minseok loves you. A lot. At first it was just he thought you were attractive, but after getting to know you, well…” He pats my head, giving me a sad smile, “Be probably said that because Royal Lawyers can’t be married, like you know. Pursuing more with you would just break both of your hearts ultimately in the end.”

My face turned a deep red as I cover my face in my hands, “Jongin…”

He nods, “He knew that going into this job. He’s fine with that, but he’s afraid of letting himself go and let himself love you because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Minseok has to put the job first, so he’ll choose that over his own happiness. He always chooses everyone over himself.”

I feel myself being pulled into a hug, a hand rubbing at my back as my head was cluttered with thoughts. From the events yesterday, the dream earlier, being blackmailed and now this… my mind was buzzing crazily. As if I didn’t have enough on my mind, now I have this added. What’s worse is I knew in my heart I was falling for them both. I didn’t want to choose. Break one heart over the other. I just wanted them both to be happy and it feels like my being in their lives just made it worse.

I could feel the headache wanting to come back as my thought kept being scrambled in my head. I sigh, leaning away from him and out the hug. I look at him, in his eyes. Jongin is such a kind friend. He’s done nothing but help me and for that I am so thankful, but I also didn’t want this info-bomb dropped on me.

So, when my mind gets muddled, I do what I’ve done for the past few weeks now. I look him in the eyes again, “Jongin… I’d very much like to kiss you right now.”

His eyes widen in shock, before smiling. This smile is a bit different than the ones I’ve gotten from him all day. It was a bit of a smirk, a small twinkle in his eyes. It was like someone flipped a switch, “I certainly wouldn’t mind if you did.”

I just smile, shifting so I was sitting closer to him. I feel his hands go to my hips, this time gripping a bit tighter than before. He was still smirking at me as I quickly leaned in, wanting to wipe it off his face. My hands find his hair and my lips on his in a second.