#....maybe Aizen and Shinji but also no

[swan2swan]

I am actually so thankful for Oshamir because it's reminded me that...yes, I actually DO love me my Corruption Ships. My Nice Girl and Evil Guy ships. It's been years since I've been able to enjoy them, though, because there was one giant piece of garbage writing taking prominence.

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

To You in Darkness

Rating: T/Teen for themes

Setting: the day after chapter 238, when the Shinigami team are ordered to return to the Soul Society.

Synopsis: After being ordered to return to the World of the Living, Toshiro is alerted that Momo has gone missing. As he and her Division search for her, Momo reflects on everything that’s transpired. But if Toshiro finds her, what will he say?

AN: the winner of the second poll! Prepare for angst, angst, and more angst. This is not a typical fic for me, in that it’s more messy and involves Toshiro and Momo being a little upset with each other. It was a little hard to write for this reason, but I felt it was realistic given the scenario. However, I didn’t want to end this one be completely sour, so expect a smidge of fluff near the end. Also, some out of character moments too; I think given the situation, no one is going to completely act like themselves.

On a side note, I made one shocking discovery while writing this fic. I wanted to see how much time I had to work with in terms of when could I set this event between Toshiro and co. returning to the World of the Living and the Gotei 13’s arrival at the Fake Karakura Town to confront Aizen. I thought there was at least a week between these two events. Turns out, not even two days passed before the Fake Karakura Town arc began (see here)! So the pacing of this one might be a bit strange, but I chose to stick with canon rather than make up that it was a whole week before the confrontation against Aizen^^;

In terms of song recommendations to listen to as you read:

Soundscape to Ardor from BLEACH

Nothing Can Be Explained Instrumental 2008 Version from BLEACH

Compassion from BLEACH

Diamond Dust from BLEACH

Reaper by SennaRin

Is it Real? by Seatbelts

Numb by My Head is Empty

Shouting into Darkness by Imxone

Liminal Space by Imxone

October by Antent

You Are the Moonlight by Endless Melancholy

La Promesse by Passage

Tsukiyo No Yukara by Tokyo Ethmusica

If I have to recommend an order to listen to these, it would be as I listed them above.

_____________________________

It had started as a gentle rain in the morning, and gradually built across the afternoon. The drops pelt down, big and harsh, breaking some leaves from their branches and stalks, and causing a haze to fall over the Soul Society.

Somewhere, surrounded by trees and other foliage, one plant is shaded by a bigger one, arching over it except for an opening that allow a few of the smaller plant’s branches to reach out and almost come over the dirt path it borders. With the protection from overhead, the rain that pelts the leaves above only gently cascades down to the protected plant, making it merely sway and bob when drops land on it.

Another drop rolls down from the above plant’s branch, stopping and wobbling briefly at the edge. When it falls, however, it does not drop down on to one of the leaves furthest from the below plant’s stalk. It’s instead swept away into the sleeve of Momo’s shihakusho when she rushes by.

She only hears the rain and her own panting mixed with quiet, distressed noises arising from her throat. She both does and doesn’t know where she is, disorientating her. Still she runs, the slick mud making her strides wider and unstable, and her skin burns from the cold of the rain. The ribbon tied up in her hair is coming loose, as is her lieutenant’s badge from her arm.

Even as she becomes a speck in the distance, the protected plant continues sway with each gentle raindrops that tumbles down on it as the larger one loses more and more leaves.

_____________________________

“That completes my report on our mission in the World of the Living.” Toshiro bows to the Captain-Commander. “If you require further details, I will send them to you promptly.”

“That won’t be necessary, Captain Hitsugaya,” Yamamoto says. “Thank you for your report.”

With his part done, Toshiro returns to his place in the hall standing between Kyoraku and Mayuri. Behind him, Rangiku continues to stare ahead, but her posture is too stiff, uneasy in a way that it's obvious she's pretending. He can almost feel himself do the same, but is certain his stance is more convincing. It’d been less than twenty-four hours since they left the World of the Living, and what had happened hadn’t sat right with either of them.

As Mayuri is called forward, Toshiro briefly recalls the moment they stepped back into the Soul Society. Rukia and Renji had gone ahead of them, shoulder’s slumping and expression pensive, led by Byakuya and Kenpachi.

Neither he or his lieutenant said anything. They simply looked at each other, and likely reflected the same expression. A sombreness, mixed with confusion and resignation. They’d been given their orders, they had to do their duties as Shinigami, but neither truly thought Orihime was capable or even willing to betrayal her friends. Rangiku was adamant about it, muttering her disbelief much later when they’d reached Tenth Division’s barracks.

Now she looks ahead, seemingly focused on Mayuri as he explains the plan to undermine Aizen’s attempt to take Karakura Town, but likely still ruminating on what had happened. He doesn’t have to look down the row of lieutenants on his side to know Renji is the same, perhaps looking more sullen.

Without meaning to, Toshiro briefly focuses on Genji, standing in the line behind the captains on the opposite side of the hall. He’d been invited only to hear the report and the plan created by the Captain General and Mayuri. Despite the stoicism he displays, there’s faint, dark rings beneath his eyes. His throat tightens , and swallowing against it, Toshiro doesn't ponder on the cause of his sudden reaction, knowing it would send his mind away from this hall.

He returns his attention to Captain-Commander and Twelfth Division captain. The plan to use Tenkai Kecchu to replace Karakura Town with a copy was already underway. He’d been vaguely aware of such a plan before he’d been sent to the World of the Living, but it’d now come into full fruition.

He wants to believe this would upset Aizen’s plans, but the skeptic in him already knows Aizen has likely foreseen this and has a move to counteract their efforts. He would know, he’d battle him and lost to such tactics before.

He clenches his fist at his side. The very thought of the traitor makes his blood boil. He breathes in deeply and out quietly, trying to calm his reiatsu. This won’t do, especially when he’s on the battlefield. He needs to focus, to show his standing as a captain of the Gotei Thirteen.

Several minutes later Mayuri’s briefing comes to an end, and all the captains and lieutenants understand the plan. After being dismissed, everyone begins towards the meeting’s halls doors.

He can sense a few gazes on his back. He ignores them. There's too many distractions, he needs to focus on the battle ahead. On how to bring Aizen down as a Captain of the Gotei Thirteen.

_____________________________

As her surroundings become more unrecognizable, Momo considers turning back. She vaguely knows where she is, had been in this area many years ago. It had changed over the years, and if she’s not careful, she’ll get herself lost.

Yet her legs have a mind of their own, carrying her further and further away.

This is a good thing, she convinces herself. Get away from everything that’s familiar and known, to somewhere that doesn’t remind her of everything that happened, and of him.

_____________________________

Toshiro and Rangiku are the last to leave the hall. Ahead of them are the captains, some talking to each other or their lieutenants. Twelfth Division, Second Division, and Genji had flash stepped away by the time they reached the end of the walkway. The remaining officers continue on their way back to their division, a determination and urgency in their steps. They don’t notice as Toshiro comes to a stop outside of First Division’s main barracks. He doesn’t quiet realise he’s caught up in the rain surrounding them until several heartbeats later. They’re sheltered by the walkway’s roof, with rain collecting along the edges and falling on the banister.

He’d always felt a calm when the rain came, even as a child before discovering his potential. He suspects he has something to do with his zanpakuto abilities, with the very elements he’s able to wield.

He finds no peace today, unable to quell the tension hardened in his limbs, and the slight clenching in his heart. It wasn’t just what happened before they were forced to leave Karakura Town. It’s not just the impending war against the Arrancars and Aizen.

He inwardly shakes his head, trying the snap out of it. He begins to think of what he’ll tell his officers when they return to the barracks, but even as he does this, he’s searching for her reiatsu. It’s like an unconscious reflex, done without knowing and only realising it’s happening mid movement.

His frown deepens. Her reiatsu should be faint due to the distance, but he can’t detect it at all.

“Captain?”

Toshiro blinks. They’re the only ones left, their fellow captains and lieutenants gone from sight. He looks to Rangiku. “Sorry, just thinking of our next steps.” He continues walking down the walkway. “Let’s head back.”

Rangiku raises a brow at the uncharacteristic apology, but matches his quick pace back to the Tenth Division. “You mentioned before the emergency meeting we'd need to produce a written copy of the report. I suppose we won’t be needing that now.”

He shakes his head. “It’d be useless to the Captain-Commander. We need to make plans for our battle in the fake Karakura Town.”

Rangiku gives a firm nod. “It’ll be just captains and lieutenants. We’ll need to leave Minagawa in charge while we’re gone.”

“We’ll brief the division on what’s happening first. Afterwards, you can take Minagawa and Hanae aside.”

“Hanae-kun, sir?”

“Minagawa will need help.”

Rangiku considers it. By the time she speaks again, they’re halfway back to the Tenth Division. “It’ll depend on how much work Minagawa has done while we were away. I’m sure he can --“

“Captain Hitsugaya! Lieutenant Matsumoto!”

Toshiro and Rangiku stop. Both of their eyes had widened at the distressed call, and the hurried footsteps coming up behind them. They turn, and find Genji sprinting towards them.

“Isawa,” Toshiro murmurs. Then, louder. “What’s wrong?”

The Fifth’s Division Third Seat comes to a jarring stop in front of them, panting. “C-Captain Hitsugaya! L-Lieutenant…” He bows his head, unable to can’t continue, so out of breath.

Rangiku rests a hand on his hunched shoulder. “Take your time,” she says, measured. “Just breathe.”

The paleness of the Third Seat’s face alarms Toshiro enough for his eyes to widen further. There can only be one reason Genji looks like this.

“What’s happened to Hinamori?” Toshiro asks.

Rangiku gives a surprised grunt as Genji abruptly rises. “She’s gone, Captain! She’s not in the Fifth Division barracks!”

For a moment, all sound ceases. Gone is the pattering of rain, and Genji’s panting, and Rangiku’s alarmed questioning to Genji. The world around him briefly shifts, as though the axis had been tipped to one side and everything should be tilting and falling over. Was it happening again? Why is she gone?

Eventually, as sound returns, Toshiro can make out pieces of what Genji says in response to Rangiku’s questions.

“Higuchi-san went to check on her…found her nowhere…we’re looking…I was on my way to tell the Captain-Commander!”

“Does anyone else know?” Rangiku asks.

Genji shakes his head. “It’s why I have to get to the First Division, but then I saw you and Captain Hitsugaya, and…” He turns back to Toshiro, still frozen by the news. “I know you and Lieutenant Hinamori have a history together. We only know so many places she would go to, but you might know more.”

_____________________________

Momo can’t go any further.

She falls to her knees, and winces at the pain that radiates up her legs. She manages to crawl under the shelter, and when she looks back, decides this is far enough.

There’s water running next to her. A brook turned into a stream from the rain. She watches it, half wishing she could drift as it does. Far, far away. For a moment she imagines she is part of the stream, letting it take her thoughts, flushing them out and sweeping them down to a bigger body of water, where they can be lost and vanish forever.

_____________________________

The Hellbutterfly on Toshiro's shoulder barely moves as he searches Momo’s room. With the exception of her bed sheets being thrown to the side and her window being open, everything is in order. It’s as Genji said: there’s no sign of a kidnapping or of anyone except Higuchi and Genji having come into her room. And just as he’d noted, her hair cloth, ribbon, and lieutenant’s badge are missing too. He can’t feel relieved, it meant she’d done this of her own accord. What possessed her to run away?

He can't ignore what had confused him and everyone else anymore -- like, as some of the humans had put it, 'addressing the an elephant in the room'.

Tobiume remains next to the dresser, leaning against the wall. Momo is without her weapon, and he couldn't hide the fear that invoked. Her kido skills are without par for someone of her rank, but they wouldn't be enough against a larger threat she might encounter.

He'd never admit it to anyone, but he'd imagined scenarios where if she'd had Tobiume with her when she'd gone with Gin to see Aizen again. Would she have been safer? Would she have struck him? No, he knows. The shock of that moment was enough to render her vulnerable, and then paralyzed. And Aizen would never have allowed her weapon to be on her in the first place.

“I want to close that window.”

Rangiku comes up from behind him, frowning at the fluttering, damp curtains. Several stray raindrops hit her bed and the side of a tipped over vase.

“We can’t,” Toshiro says, “the Captain-Commander may want to see it for himself.”

“I know…but this isn’t a crime scene. She ran away. There’s nothing here to show where to, so we wouldn't be tampering with evidence.”

She hides her frustration well, Toshiro mutely notes. Her mind is not just here on what's happened; if anything, it would only make her think more on what happened in Karakura Town. At least Momo is getting an investigation and not just being condemned without evidence.

Although his lieutenant is right, but he has to follow to protocol. The last time he didn’t…

He shakes his head and listens to the voices echoing from outside. Fifth Division groups searching the whole division and calling out orders or saying they’d seen no sign of their lieutenant.

First Division had sent out a warning to the other captains and lieutenants, but only asked for Tenth, Eighth, and Thirteenth to search for her in the Soul Society – Eighth investigated the south and west districts, Thirteenth the north and east districts, and Tenth the Junrinan and the Soul Society. Ninth and half of Fifth were on standby to search for her in the World of the Living if no traces of her could be found in the Soul Society. Everyone else was told to prepare for the war against the Arrancar. After Genji had run to First Division, and he and Rangiku made their way to Fifth, Toshiro half expected the Captain-Commander to order his division to stay out of this, but given his history with Momo, perhaps Genji had made a convincing case. If he'd been given such an order, would he have obeyed?

Protocol, he reminds himself.

He takes another moment to look around her room, appraising it differently. He hasn’t been here in years, but it’d barely changed. She has more books on the small bookcase in the corner, and she’d moved her dresser to the opposite side of the room. On top of it is her hairbrush, and absent from their usual place next to it are her ribbon and haircloth.

Finally, his gaze lands back on Tobiume. He can feel the heat radiating from the blade, pulsing in worry and anger. He goes towards the zanpakuto, approaching it as though it were a frightened animal with it's hackles raised.

Rangiku follows behind. “Is that wise, sir?”

“Likely not,” he says, not looking away from the zanpakuto.

He kneels down in front of the sword. This fury, burning so bright he can almost feel the tips of his fingers get singed, did Momo feel it right now as well?

Over his shoulder, Hyrouinamu’s hilt gleams in the dull light. His cold permeates Toshiro’s back, and a small curl of it slides down to floor and swirls out near Tobiume, both protect of his wielder but also acting like a hand reaching out.

“We’re searching for her," Toshiro says. “I don’t know where she’s gone to. You may know, but you can’t tell me.”

There’s a flicker, a pause in the fury.

“We’re not going to stop until she’s found. We’re going to return her to you, to her room.”

To his surprise, Tobiume flares. He leans back in the wake of the waves of arid heat that hits him. He can sense Hyourinmaru get defensive, but he doesn’t otherwise react.

Rangiku joins him on the floor, her brows furrowing in confusion. "We mean her no harm, if that's what you're worried about. I know you two have a close bond, and that she confides in you. You have to know we'd never...." The rest fades from her lips.

She blinks as something dawns on her. “Unless, she doesn’t want to be here.” At Toshiro’s widened eyes, she clarifies. “It’s why she ran away, she doesn’t want to be here...maybe even because of something we did.”

And by 'we' she meant the Gotei Thirteen. Given Tobiume’s reaction, he can almost see it making sense. Toshiro hates that he hadn’t come to that conclusion himself. Yet, it doesn’t feel like a complete answer.

“We’ll find her," he says to Tobiume. "We’ll…ask her what she wants to do. No further harm will come to her." the words feels like a vow seared into his being; he made a similar promise to himself decades ago, and now he had to make it again after he'd allowed it to be broken. "If what Matsumoto has said is true, or even if it's not...I’m sorry.”

Hyourinmaru’s cold drifts thinner, falling back to the blade on Toshiro’s back as the heat dies down, becoming a smaller pulse; but there’s a sullenness to it. He can’t blame her, given what he’d failed to do a month ago. His apology had been for more than just what had happened to Momo afterwards. it had been for everything before, but it was a weak act of contrition. He needs to do more.

He ignores Rangiku's sympathetic gaze as he stands and leaves the room.

______________________________

What am I doing here?

Her eyes flutter open, and her head slowly bows. She doesn’t know the answer, until she remembers how she’d been before. That feverish need to run and be away for a while.

It had been a silly thing, really. Because now all she can do is sit and think about everything that has happened, and there's no way for it to slip into the running water.

______________________________

Toshiro darts behind a house across from his Granny's. When he looks around the corner, he doesn’t see or sense the older woman in the house; she must be running an errand. He doesn’t sense any trace of Momo’s reiatsu either, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t visited or wasn’t already in the house, concealing herself from all senses.

He could quickly investigate, but what if Granny came back? What if he couldn’t leave things as they were in the house and make her think someone had broken in?

His brows furrow deeper at the thought of causing her distress. Taking one last look at his childhood home, he pivots and runs back towards the main street of the district.

Several of his subordinates are in the area, searching for Momo in and between buildings, mostly ignoring the residents unless it’s necessary to interact with them. The officers are still in uniform, and the unease their presence brings is evident in some Souls looking on in fear or suspicion from within buildings or beneath their parasols.

Toshiro finds Rangiku further up the street, speaking with a resident in front of a shop.

“…ad she has black hair,” he hears her say as he approaches, “probably tied back in a bun.”

The resident, a bearded middle-aged man, contemplates for a moment, before shaking his head. “Can’t say I have. Sorry, Lieutenant.”

Rangiku nods. “It’s no trouble. Thank you.”

As the Soul returns back inside his shop, Rangiku turns to Toshiro when he nears.

They move away, walking speedily away down the main street.

“How much did you tell him?” he asks.

Keeping her voice quiet as she replies, “I kept it vague, and I didn’t say her name.”

He’d given the same instructions to his subordinates if they felt they had to question residents. For those that had been friends with Momo, however it was a different story.

“Did you question Tatsukichi and Ayumi?” he then asks.

 “Yes, they haven’t seen her either. I said I was meeting up with her in the Rukongai for lunch.”

“Good.”

“Did you ask Jidanbo?”

“He hasn’t seen her either.”

"And your Obaa-san?"

He doesn't mean for their to be a pause. "I'll only approach her if we exhaust all other options."

Rangiku ponders on his words for a moment. "It might be best for time being." She let’s out a breath that makes her shoulders fall. “Where could she have gone? There’s not many places she can hide here. She can’t go to the World of Living either, not without some sort of trace of it.”

“There’s ways, and she's likely hidden her presence with kido as is.”

They come to a stop at the border of the first and second districts. In the distance between the crowds of Second District, he spots one of his officers, her back facing him, racing down the street. Passersby are briefly distracted by her, with a few turning to each other and whispering, eyes still glued to her. While not entirely her fault, she’s meant to keep a low profile.

“Hanae hasn’t heard back from any of our officers searching the other districts,” Rangiku says, sensing Toshiro's question before he speaks it. “No one’s reported back to me, either.”

Toshiro is about to suggest a different search strategy, but he’s stops at the expression on his lieutenant’s face. Her brows are furrowed, and beneath them, there’s a weight behind her half-lidded eyes. Much like what he’d sense in the meeting hall, she’s solemn, but there’s more to it. She’s thinking, searching her mind for something.

“What’re you thinking?” he asks.

A strange sadness flickers across her face for a second. He gets a strange feeling it’s directed at him rather than at the situation Momo is currently in. He resists the urge to ask her to ‘Spit it out’, not wanting to let his growing frustration get the better of him.

“You said before she's likely concealing her presence, but what if she isn't?” Rangiku eventually answers. “I’m just trying to think what she might’ve had on her mind.”

He only gives a curt nod.

“Given that, she could be experiencing a range of emotions right now. Ones she feels she can’t deal with here, or didn’t want others to know about.” Rangiku’s lips briefly fall into a tight line. She casts her gaze to the tops of the trees that line the eastern side of the First and Second Districts, then she finishes. “Maybe she’s not in a populated area hiding her reiatsu from us. Maybe wanted to be as far away as possible.”

A sting lances across Toshiro's chest. He’s taken back to that day, jumping and flash-stepping back to Central Forty-Six, and the thought crosses his mind, Of all people, I should have realized that, yet I…

How many times had he seen her cover up her sadness with a smile, only telling him later about what happened when he didn’t badger her to tell him at the time? Or when she'd wondered off after a childish argument and returned later, somber but wanting to apologize or talk to him?

Toshiro withholds a cringe. This isn’t the time to feel sorry for himself. He considers Rangiku’s words, trying to think of where he hasn’t looked yet. Places that didn’t have Souls nearby, that were isolated and quiet.

He can’t imagine any locations she would’ve gone to recently, not since their childhood. Still…

“I may know a few places,” he murmurs.

Rangiku's usual determination in moments of crisis such as this arises, casting the solemnness away. “Then go to them.”

“I’ll take Narita and – ”

“I meant you should go to them.”

He freezes. “What are you suggesting?”

She gives an exasperated sigh. “You should go to them, alone, sir.”

“Why would I do that? We’d need to search the whole area.”

“And we will, but you need to get there first. If Hinamori is going to respond to anyone right now, it’ll be you.”

He recalls Genji’s last words to Toshiro before they left to search the Rukongai. “If you find her, tell her we're here for her, to support her as she always has for us. She trusts you, Captain Hitsugaya, and I know you’ve always tried to do right by her.”

For what little good it’s done, he thinks bitterly. “Protocol states –”

“And we can still follow that.” Rangiku smiles, and he realises in the back of his mind it’s the first time she’s done so since they returned from the World of Living. “It’s just you’ll be getting a head start on us.”

His eyes widen at her implication. He almost wavers, but the sicken sense of déjà vu stops him. “What makes you so sure?”

Rangiku's gaze softens, sensing the weight behind the question. She considers her answer, deciding on the best words to say. She knows of he and Momo's childhood together, her teasing habit of bringing up one of the many tales she’d heard from Momo made him aware of that fact. It’s also likely she knows just how deeply he cares for Momo. She has always been good at reading people, and the connections they have with others.

Eventually, she speaks quietly. “Because of what happened in the World of the Living.”

When he'd spoken through the monitor to Momo. Even if he hadn’t done anything intentionally, he still feels he failed her at that time too. He'd later recounted, albeit vaguely, what happened to Rangiku. But if she had been there in the room that day, would she still have told him he alone could bring Momo back? What did she expect to happen if he does find her?

Looking back to Rangiku, it’s obvious she won’t let this go unless he strictly ordered her to forget the idea and continue their current operation. Even so, a part of him had wanted to find her by himself from the start. Whether it’s for atonement or simply because he just wants to find her, he isn’t sure.

It doesn’t matter. No, what truly matters is what he does now. It’s easier for Momo to evade a group of Shinigami, but if he went alone, maybe he can coax her to come back. Surely she wouldn’t hide from him.

She’d ran away, didn’t she? Not to you.

He withholds a wince. He shouldn't -- didn’t -- expect her to come to him whenever she was troubled, especially after what had happened in the last few months. Even so, the fact she didn’t go to anyone, let alone tell anyone, both stung and worried him more.

"This is a risk," he cautions.

Her smile returns. "Isn't everything we do? I have feeling this one will pay off, though."

You can do this, he hears in her tone. Can he? No, it's not matter of if can he or not. He must.

“I’ll leave a trail for you to follow.” He shrugs his shoulder, where the Hellbutterfly is still perched. “Otherwise, I’ll send you message saying where I am.”

Rangiku nods. “I’ll wait until all the teams report back to me before we follow you. I’ll say you’re following a hunch.”

“I’ll leave it to you, then. If you find her or find any evidence, use tenteikura to contact everyone.” He tries to think of another parting order to give her, or some authoritative words. Instead, he bows his head. “Thank you.”

Before she can reply, he spins on his heel and runs down a nearby alleyway, heading towards the forests lining the east side of the Junrinan. There’s not as many residents out in these streets, and the ones that are mostly ignore him.

_________________________

For all of the misgivings Momo is starting to have about coming out here, she can admit the quiet is a nice change. She recalls hearing her subordinates out in the courtyard over the last few days while she lay or sat in bed. She'd hear their chattering and laughter, sometimes their cries as they practice zanjutsu, and a few times their chanting when they practiced kido. For the latter, she'd find herself shaking her head like a school teacher when she heard them get it wrong and the consequences blow up in their faces. If she were down there, she'd show them the correct technique and recite the correct chant, and give them tips she's learnt from experience.

She'd smile at the thought of being with her subordinates, sharing in comradery that characterized her division, even if it was at a distance. Her lips would fall, however, at the heaviness swirling in her mind; never far, always there. It made certain things an effort, like trying to find enjoyment in her books or think of what the future held.

It amplified at the pitying looks she got from some of her visiting subordinates. It was in the way they set a tray of food down for her, never once looking away from her with eyes that didn't match their too broad smiles. It was in their hushed discussions when they wondered about the wellbeing of their lieutenant as they stood just beneath her window, thinking she couldn't hear them. Sometimes it was there when they dropped off fresh clothes for her, making sure to lay them within reach and say how well she was looking that day.

Some were honest with her, wishing her well but also confiding in her that morale was low and that they hoped she would get better soon. Normally, it's followed by an apology and bowing, but she would dismiss it with a smile and wave.

Maybe she should've been more honest with them.

If she had, maybe Genji and all of her seated officers wouldn't try to dodge questions about the progress of reports and training. Maybe they'd ask more questions about how to do certain things, like setting up schedules and outposts in the World of the Living. She could help them, and they could tell her to her face what the battle plan for the Arrancars was.

I have to get better. It's a mantra she kept telling herself.

I have to get better. Her division was on unstable ground, without leadership. I have to get better. She didn't want to be stuck in her room anymore.

_________________________

Three Souls run through the forest back to Junrinan, carrying baskets filled to the brim with fruits or vegetables on their backs.

Toshiro circles around, avoiding them as he flash-steps towards the watermelon patch. It’s five minutes from the Junrinan and had served as his primary source of the fruit when he was a child. When he doesn’t see or sense any sign of Momo, he moves further into the forest. The patch is the only distinct place he can think of, the other locations were more vaguely defined. He recalls a ridge they’d gone to a few times, sitting there to watch the sunset after gathering various fruits and vegetables to take back. There was also a river they’d gone to on summer days, cooling off with a swim or getting in knees deep to try and catch fish.

A sting punctuates the usual nostalgia he gets from such memories, one that makes him cringe up at the trees bowing over him.

Is this just a fool’s errand? Is she really here or back in the Soul Society somewhere?

He ends up rushing out of the vegetation and on to a dirt path. He stops, taking in several breaths as he extends his senses out, casting them out like a net. His eyes hood as he concentrates, checking every inch of the surrounding forest. There’s tiny flickers of reiatsu scattered around, likely from Souls who’d been here in the last few hours before the rain got heavier. Most traces are faint, barely reaching his senses due to the time that had passed or the distance they are at.

Still he checks, even as the rain gets thicker and a gust begins to blow through. Leaves fall around him, and the Hellbutterfly flutters it's wings on his shoulder. Vaguely, he thinks to shelter the creature, cupping his hand above it’s wings. He doesn’t know why he does it, the creatures are impervious to harm and the elements. Maybe it’s because it’s something Momo would do...

Come on, he wills. Please be here.

His senses come to the path he’s on, reaching from one horizon to the other. He jolts at the faintest flicker, just beyond his range. It's too far the judge the qualities of it, but it's stronger than the others.

He slowly strides further along the path, his footsteps squelching in the mud.

Then, it hits him. The reiatsu is warm, like the first flames in the fire pit of a house.

At the same time the trace of reiatsu becomes clearer, he thinks to look down. Many tracks have been made in this path, but what if…?

He bolts down the path towards the trace. It’s grown fainter by the time he reaches it a few minutes later. A brush of Momo’s reiatsu clings to a bush along the left side of the path. And sure enough, he spies a small indent three feet away. It’s not like softened cart wheel tracks, and it’s too big to be the track of any animals that lives in this forest. It’s outline had become wobbly and misshapen due to the mud sliding in, but it must he her step. There's another like it ahead, and other, and another, all the same approximate distance a runnign stride would be for a Soul.

He doesn’t have to cast his sense out far to detect another trace of reitasu further down the path. He lets a staggered breath as a vice is released from around his heart.  She’s here.

He stifles his relief. It’s not over yet. He has to see her first. I’m coming for, Hinamori. Wait for me.

He jogs down the path following the faint trails and patches of her reiatsu. They cling to all sort of things – tree trunks, rocks and stones, flowers, a rickety bridge over a furiously flowing river, and even to the branch of a plant that almost reached the middle of the path.

_____________________________

Momo can't tell how long she's been here. Despite the sun being obscured by thick clouds, it seems to have gotten darker. She didn't think she'd closed her eyes, but she must've dozed off at some point.

When she tries to move, she can't. She's too cold and her joints are stiff. Maybe she'll end up frozen here, watching many sunrises and sunsets. She'd witness the trees swaying too and fro, maybe even fall over from the strength of the wind or be burnt down by a lightning strike. She'd witness the rising building of Seireitei, maybe even the Rukongai. Maybe she'd also witness their fall, crumbling away gradually as time went on, as new era came and went, and everything came to an end.

But there is no end of death. It takes on different forms across the worlds. As long as there's life, there is death. It had been one of the first things she'd learned coming to the Soul Society, and some distant part of her is certain it's one of the last things she learned when she was a human.

Would it be so bad to simply sit here and watch the world go by? It was better to be here than in her room, were everything outside of it changed and everything inside remained.

Either way, she wouldn't last. She wants to be alone, but she's also lonely.

_____________________________

Toshiro can’t tell how much time has passed, nor if the growing darkness is due to the sun moving closer to the horizon behind the clouds or to the growing density of trees creating a canopy over him.

The path had ended five minutes ago at a clearing, but Momo had continued on, her steps still in the mud and veered off into the foliage. Judging from the depth of them and the clearer shape of waraji, these tracks are fresher.

So he wends through the forest, following the steps in the mud and the traces of reiatsu clinging to the flora.

He's certain this is furthest he’s ever gone from the Soul Society. He recalls Granny telling him decades ago to venture no more then ten minutes into the trees, saying all kinds of mysterious or dangerous creatures and spirits roam deeper within. Even as he’d gotten older and stopped believing in her tales, he never thought to run more than ten minutes away from the Junrinan.

He hadn’t encountered any animals out of the norm. He’d heard the occasional bird call out, and thought he may have seen a fox dashing off through the shrubs to take shelter in a hollowed out log. 

He looks down at the invisible brush of her reiatsu. It clings to a trodden-on flower, it’s blue petals crushed in her footprint. He frowns when he senses the next trace is further than the last several. Maybe she’d realised she was giving off traces and tried to confine her reiatsu to her being.

It’s a minute later when the land begins to tilt upward. She’d run up an incline, probably the beginnings of a mountain. His lungs are beginning to burn, and his mouth is drying up. Still, the rain pelting down between the gaps in the canopy doesn’t bother him, nor the cold on his skin and his drenched uniform.

Remarkably, the Hellbutterfly is still clinging on to his shoulder, gently fluttering it’s wings and antennae as if he were taking a calm stroll rather than battling his way through rain and mud up an incline.

Around him the foliage becomes denser; he has to push branches and bushes aside to continue following her tracks, and jump over rocks and fallen logs in his way.

It's a long while later when Toshiro sees a some kind of structure in the far distance. When he closer, he realises it's a torii gate. Its vibrant red had long faded, and what little pale and chipped colour that manages to peak through is surrounded by vines and moss that cling and twist around the poles. The stones steps that once went through it and further up to a shrine are buried beneath shrubs and weeds.

He continues past it, heading left and further up the incline. How she’d made it out this far confuses him. The terrain is more unpredictable, with no natural or artificial paths leading in between the thickening vegetation, and the mud making each stride harder than the next.

Still, he follows her footsteps. They’re clearer, the freshest one’s he’s seen yet. His heart buzzes at the thought that he’s close now. He reaches his senses out, but can still barely feel her reiatsu.

Along the way he encounters other overgrown structures, such as a small, chipped statue of Mimigai amongst a crumbling shrine, a moss-covered wooden street sign that’s writing had long faded, the edge of an abandoned wagon buried deep in the ground, and the outlines of stone and wood where houses used to be. He can only guess this was once a village, but had been abandoned centuries ago. He’d heard from Granny that such places existed, but it could never be confirmed by most Souls and everyone had different accounts about why these buildings were left behind.

It’s a few minutes later when he loses sight of her footsteps, the shrubbery too thick for him to see the ground anymore. He scans the area of any physical signs, but none come.

______________________________

She senses his reiatsu approaching. She at once feels relief and dread.

______________________________

Toshiro again puts out his senses, and can only detect a shred of her reiatsu on a tree trunk to his right, a yard away through a clearing. He goes to it, ending up in a field of tall grass, but sees nothing there to show where she went.

Something in him drops like a stone, and he ends up leaning his side against the trunk. He hadn’t realized he’d been panting until now, his mouth dry and his throat parched.

He has the sudden urge to punch the tree and curse, but he shakes his head. He can't let his irritation get the better of him, especially now that he has no clue where he is.

He has to keep going, but in which direction? Would he even know how to get out of here?

It doesn’t matter until he finds her. If they have each other, they can make it out of this.

With his senses still reaching out, he closes his eyes and bows his head, concentrating on every speck of reiatsu and spirit energy around him. A bird caws in the distance, and a fresh gust of wind is picking up through the trees, rustling the leaves and tall grass around him, and blowing the rain to hit his back. Faintly, so far away one could mistake it for being a part of the wind, there’s running water burbling somewhere.

Please…

As if she heard his plea, there’s a flicker of reiatsu a minute later. His eyes snap open. He clings to that trace like a tether. After several heartbeats, it becomes stronger, allowing him to gauge exactly where it’s coming from. He turns to his left and rushes through the grass and back into the trees. He almost trips over a log in his way, the grass gets a few inches taller, and the vegetation around him becomes more packed in than before, but it doesn’t deter him.

The closer he gets, the more the reiatsu fades. Had she flared it to make her presence known? Did she want to be found? Did she regret her actions?

He shakes his head against the many questions racing through his mind. There will be time to speak with her before they head back.

He runs past another outline of where a house used to be, now mostly buried beneath bushes and grass. Then, after he careens to avoid hitting the rock face of the beginnings of a mountain, he stumbles to a stop at the dilapidated structures on either side of a path faintly cutting through the tall grass. They are spaced out on either side, some in worse condition than others. They almost resemble the same architecture as the Junrinan’s buildings, but are clearly from another time. They all appear to be houses, small and quaint, in varying stages of decay and ruin. He doesn’t ponder on why they are in better condition compared to the others he’d seen and continues running in the direction of Momo's reiatsu.

Along the way, he notices buildings far away from the path too, so distant they’re almost lost amongst the surrounding nature.

Her reiatsu disappears, but he knows where he’s going. She’s ahead, just a little further. The running water gets louder, coming over the wind and leaves. The tall grass gradually thins out, and it’s two minutes later when he sees her sandals’ prints in the mud again. They guide him when comes to a fork in the faint path, taking the left that leads to an area where there less trees.

The, he’s out of the forest, with a few old houses clustered together on the decline of a hill next to a thrashing stream. The view is of the tops of trees for as far as the eye can see, but in the distance, almost a tiny speck through the faint mist and thick sheets of rain, the Seireitei stands tall. He's certain the stream is normally a gently rolling creek when the weather is calmer.

Without the shelter of the canopy, the rain pelts down on him in full force, but he comes to a stop before the house Momo is in. It’s raised almost half a meter off the ground, with four broken steps leading to a tiny veranda. The front is caved in and half of the roof had collapsed in, their remains scattered on the rotting floorboards. The wall to a main area is still intact, as is the half opened sliding door, but they’re thick with moss and the paneling has holes in various places. Beyond the main area, the back door is also open. Though faint, a stench roils off the house, one that is moldy but also earthy.

Her reiatsu drifts out from it, stable and familiar, but there’s no visible sign of her.

He doubles over, his hands landing on his bent knees as he catches his breath. He hadn’t noticed how much his legs hurt, nor how his lungs burned. He almost startles at the black in his peripheral, but sees it’s the Hell Butterfly, still somehow clutching to his uniform. It’s wings are still, even as a raindrop lands on them, but it’s antennae twitch. Behind it, rain runs down and drop from Hyourinmaru’s hilt. He hasn’t heard a peep from his zanpakuto, which is surprising. But then, with his attention solely on finding Momo, maybe he had unintentionally blocked the channel for Hyourinmaru to speak with him.

Returning his gaze back to the house, there’s still no sign of Momo. He does take his eyes away from the house, watching for any sudden movements. Can she hear him from in there? Even if she can’t, she must know he’s out here.

Toshiro straightens a long moment later, and although now physically recovered, he’s uncertain what he should do. What can he say to her? He’d only been focused on finding her, not on what would come next. He wants to slap himself. He hadn’t come out this far and gone against protocols again for this kind of uncertainty?

He should be a captain, starting off by lecture her about responsibilities and the consequences of her actions, then take her back to the Soul Society, even if she resisted. It’s harsh, but it would be expected of him. But maybe he could make a case, one which provoked sympathy from Yamamoto, and get her a lighter punishment for her actions. After all, the captain-commander had allowed Momo to speak with him when he was on his mission in the World of the Living. While Yamamoto isn’t without a heart, it's without question he's strict on things like this.

Toshiro can do everything as expected of him, but not drag her back. The thought of it turns his stomach. He’d alert the others of his location, and wait with her until they came. He dismisses the brief thought of her running away from him; she would have done so by now.

With all of this in mind, he takes weighty steps towards the house. She must be able to hear his sandals walk through the mud, climbing up to the veranda, and when coming to stand on the whining, creaking floorboards. He looks around the main area, taking in the decay and pungent smell, before moving on to the next room through the half opened door.

His chest tightens the closer he gets to the back, and he has to consciously breathe in and out. For all of his planning, it hasn’t eased his nerves. His steps get heavier and heavier with each one taken, haltingly carrying him to the veranda.

Her waraji and socks are the first thing he sees in the doorway. When he stops and leans out the door, looking to the left, the rest of her is sitting up against a wall, legs bent at the knees, her arms resting over each other in the crook of her abdomen and lap, and barely sheltered by the remains of the awning. Her hair is barely tied by in it’s bun, and her bangs to stick to her forehead and the sides of her face. She doesn’t look at him, but the frown in her brow and corner of her mouth dropping show she’s aware he’s of his presence.

Toshiro's mouth dries up again, but this time for a very different reason. A near-choking tenseness to run through his limbs and hit his chest. If it were not for that, he's almost certain he'd have fallen to his knees -- out of exhaustion, relief, or from seeing her in such a dire state he can't tell. Going against it all, he manages to rasp out, “Hinamori.”

Inwardly, he's shocked he can speak her name so neutrally. He’d thought his nerves would show or the relief that's slowly but surely tumbling through him.

He walks out on to the balcony, not once blinking. It’s then he notices the tremors running through her got worse. She must be freezing, and his reiatsu wouldn’t be helping matters. With a long exhale, he lowers it as much as he can. The thought of her freezing scares him more than he lets on. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He was planning to then ask her if she even knows where she is, but at her lack of a response, decides against it.

He holds his hand up, and the Hellbutterfly flutters off from his shoulder to land on to his knuckles. He relays a message to it about their rough location from the Soul Society and his plan to come back to the Junrinan, and orders it to first go to the First Division, then Genji, and finally Rangiku.

He keeps his eyes on Momo as it takes off back the way he’d come. She didn’t react to anything he’d said, not even about returning with her to the Junrinan. She’d flared her reiatsu before; surely it meant she wanted to be found. What keeps her from talking to him? Or from showing any reaction at all to being found, for that matter.

“Are you hurt?” he asks.

Her lips part, but she still refuses to look at him. Eventually, she shakes her head and forces her lips into a tight line.

It’s something, at least; he can work with gestures for now. Maybe it’ll make it easier for him to act as the captain he’s meant to be, and not the childhood friend he suddenly wants to be. The last time he’d done the latter, he’d ended up helping her for a few minutes at best, and not at all at worst.

He folds his arms into his sleeves. “Isawa came to us when Higuchi saw you weren’t in your room. He told the Captain-Commander, too, some hours ago. Your division is looking for you. So are other divisions, mine included.”  

He tries to stamp out the rising frustration, but her lack of a response to anything he says is getting to him. He steps to her, his feet almost touching hers. “Whatever reason you have to be out here, this was reckless of you. It’s not befitting of a an officer of the Gotei Thirteen, let alone a Lieutenant.” Come on, say something.

Still nothing from her.

“You know what this means.” He doesn’t have to say it aloud, but he does anyway. “The Captain-Commander won't take this lightly. They’ll put security around your room. You might be suspended from what little Lieutenant’s duties they’ve allowed you to perform. Isawa and your Fourth seat already take on the bulk of the work as is. You’ll be scrutinised more, they might even set up a schedule for every day until they’ve deemed your reliable again. You won’t have as many freedoms as before. You won’t be --”

“I don’t as is.”

Her voice is so quiet and rough Toshiro isn’t even sure he heard her. Without realising, he unfolds his arms. “What?”

_______________________________

Toshiro’s relief had been palpable before he even appeared in her periphery. The way his reiatsu had been uncharacteristically unstable for several seconds, and then soothed into gentler, contained waves, it’s enough to make her eyes burn.

He cares. Momo never doubted he did, but she never thought he’d…

Her chest aches for a different reason, and she can’t look at him.

It's not because of the anger or concern she might find in his eyes, or from the shame of running away. She fears seeing confusion, that he won’t understand her situation at all. That he cares, but he that he has chosen to be a captain first. It's as he should do, but its not what she wants, even knowing it's selfish of her to think such things.

A part of her wonders if she should’ve run to Izuru or Hisagi. They had been betrayed too, had to come to terms with knowing their captain weren’t who they thought they were. Despite having once risked her life to save his, Momo isn’t close enough with Hisagi to seek advice from him. And Izuru…it’s sad to think the very experience they now shared can separate them like this. She wishes their friendship was as innocent as it used to be, mainly contained within the realms of books and poetry and supporting Renji after his blunders.

When Toshiro starts lecturing her, her worst fears are confirmed. Each of his points is a jab at her heart, at the hard work she’d put in over the years to become a lieutenant. She swallows back the righteous anger, but her reiatsu pops out of her control, giving it a similar simmering quality to the one appearing in his own.

When he mentions the potential of reduced freedoms, she can’t stay quiet anymore. And after his stunned response, she finally looks at him.

For a moment, her anger recedes. His eyes are wide, half imploring, half shocked. Like her, he’s soaked, his white spikes of hair drooping, and his haori almost transparent. Drops of water fall from the edges of his uniform and tips of his fingers. There’s a vulnerability to it, a sense of listlessness and uncertainty.

Her hands fist up in her lap. “I couldn’t be in there anymore. I’m confined to my room, for my own good, apparently.” Her uncharacteristic bitterness surprises even her. It’s obvious from the barest twitch of his eyes that he didn’t expect this from her. Did he think she’d burst into tears? Or seek pity from him? He knows she can have a temper, why is he surprised?

She presses on. “I haven’t been well, and I’m in bed most days, but when I do want to move around, I’m told I can’t go beyond the main courtyard. I can’t work on papers, I can’t oversee schedules. I can’t – haven’t been able to perform my duties."

"Your officers mightn't want to strain you," Toshiro offers, but there's uncertain edge in his tone. "I thought you were allowed some duties."

"None! All I can do is eat what’s given to me, lie in bed, and read. But I’ve read every book in my room, and I don’t enjoy it like I used to. I can't draw anymore, and all of my sketchbooks have Captain Aizen in them. No one tells me what's happening anymore. And then all I can do is think and remember everything I've done, and everything Captain Aizen did!”

Toshiro almost looks lost, adrift somewhere he doesn’t know, as if she were someone he hadn’t seen in a long time and didn’t completely recognize. It shouldn’t upset her. After everything that’s happened, they’re not the Souls they used to be.

No, even before all this, they hadn’t really seen each other. They’d be lucky if they shared a lunch break together once every six months, or even speak for more than five minutes if they bumped into each other in a corridor. It never used to bother her, because she thought their bond was different. That no matter where they went or what they did, they'd somehow remain close, perhaps even be the same Souls as they had been when they first met -- as unreasonable as that was.

Her anger cools. Where had all that time gone?

“Everyone’s working hard, more than they ever have, because I’m not better,” she laments. “It's hard on them. I don't want it to be that way. I don't want to be a burden, especially after what I did. Because of Captain Aizen’s…”

A sudden, violent sensation grips her, almost paralyzing her. It’s the same one, albeit not as strong, that had come to her this morning when she’d decided to run away.

She knows where that time went to. She only has a few memories of being away from Aizen ever since she became a Shinigami. She’d orbit around him as though he were the sun, and there was a time where he was just as warm and bright. She saw the man who inspired her, who she thought was the ideal Shinigami. A man who extended compassion to hopeless, who could rally a group of despairing officers to charge against a seemingly impossible threat, and who led the Division like no other captain, with kindness and understanding. She wanted to work by his side always, had never thought of a day where that wouldn’t be the case. He brought the best out in her, from her hard work ethic to her qualities as a leader. Admiration was a powerful emotion, one that blinded her to his true nature and kept her away from her other friends. She had come to terms with that now, though not fully it seems.

“I know Captain Aizen’s a traitor to the Soul Society,” she continues. “I-I know he is…it’s why I couldn’t be there anymore. I keep remember what he used to be like, when he was lying to all of us. But without him, we’re lost, and I don’t know what…” She tries and fails to swallow back a sob. “I was such a fool, Shiro-chan. I didn’t see any of it. What can I do? I have to get better, because what else can I do? Nothing. I can’t do anything. I have nothing but regrets now.” She lets out a choking laugh. “What if I can’t lead this Division? What if without him I can’t lead? What…?” What if he’s the reason I thought I could in the first place?

Momo tilts her head down to her left arm, where her lieutenant’s badge sags against her upper arm. She raises her hand, withholding a groan from how stiff her joints have become, and undoes the strap. The weight of it falls away, but there's no relief to it, only another ache in her chest.

With her arm trembling, she holds it out to Toshiro. “Given what’s happened, I shouldn’t have this right now.”

_______________________________

Toshiro barely conceals his flinch, turning it into a small shifting of weight from one foot to the other. He couldn’t, however, hide an audible gasp. Seeing Momo hold the badge up for him to take away feels wrong and otherworldly. He has to look away, twisting to face the wall.

Perhaps he should take it, to show the consequences of her actions. He’d have to hand it over the Captain-Commander, and from there, he’s not sure what would happen to it or to Momo’s standing. At best, she would get it back but have restrictions on what she can do until she’s deemed suitable to resume her post. At worst, it’s over for her. The idea of her not being a lieutenant, of everything she’d done to obtain the rank being taken away from her, horrifies him.

He grits his teeth and his hands become fists at his side, clenched so tightly his nails threaten to pierce his palms. That bastard.

Aizen had done this to her. He’d made her like this. He’d caused her so much pain, so undeserved and unthinkable. He’d gotten so far underneath her skin, to the point he’d made her doubt her own abilities and identity. He’d been able to contain this hatred in the meeting hall, but the exhaustion has lowered his guard, and he can feel it running hot and brittle through his bones.

“I understand.”

He grunts, coming out of his reverie at her quiet words. His expression had contorted into something angry. He can’t show her this face, it’d frighten her. He takes a long, deep breath in, and quietly exhales it through his nose. It does little to calm him.

Then, as if reciting from one of their Academy textbooks, Momo continues, “An officer of the Gotei Thirteen does not run away from battle or hardships, and Lieutenant does not abandon her Division. She stands by her subordinates, takes charge in trying times and leads them. It’s one of her duties along with a Captain’s.”

She'd misunderstood his reaction. He turns to her again, but still has no words to say.

“I know this is the right thing to do,” Momo continues. “It’s what the Captain-Commander will likely ask for.”

He hates that there’s a certain confidence to her tone, as if she truly thinks this is the right decision. Rather than the rage that threatened to rise and boil over before, his heart aches terribly at her crestfallen smile. He can’t take it anymore. “Don’t be a fool!”

That stuns her, and she nearly lets the badge slip from her fingers. She quavers out sounds, trying to say something, but nothing coherent comes out, and she mutely stares at him.

He cringes at his choice of words. He’s always been out of his depth in situations like this. In a way, her adeptness to comforting others and his pragmatism balanced them out, complemented each other, but now it’s as though the reverse happened and each struggles with the quality they try to enact.

He’s as cold as the element he wields, after all. Who is he to comfort her? He should’ve been there earlier for her that day. He should’ve been faster, stronger, wiser. She wouldn’t have been dying on the floor, staring ahead into nothing. He didn’t even have any words to say to her on his many visits to Fourth Division while she was in a coma.

It wasn’t he who had thought she would be in the forest, or that she ran away because of something the Gotei Thirteen had done. He should’ve thought of those things without a second thought.

Despite his perceived shortcomings, it doesn’t stop him from wanting to show compassion, or from caring about her as deeply as he does. Because at her core, even when acting like this, she’s still the girl he knows. In all her doubts of herself and belief in the Gotei Thirteen’s ways. In her reflections on her Division and wish to get better for them rather than herself. In her willingness to let go of something so precious to her for a perceived greater good. It makes her paradoxically selfless and sorrowful to him. But then maybe those two things could go in hand, somehow.

He briefly thinks to do what he’d done last time, to take her mind off of her burdens by teasing her, but that had only last for a few minutes before she she’d asked him to save Aizen. He’ll have to go into this stumbling, cumbersome in his words and gestures, but hoping his concern and care can somehow be conveyed.

He gingerly pushes against her lieutenant’s badge. “You don’t need to hand it over. Put it back on.”

Momo frowns. “But –”

“You’re still a Lieutenant," he interjects, forcing an authoritative tone, "and I doubt the Captain-Commander will revoke your rank. You would've had to commit a far worse grievance for that to happen.”

They both remain still, as if they'd turned to stone and become statues. Several heartbeats later, Toshiro relaxes a fraction when Momo withdraws her badge. She doesn’t put it back on, instead gazing down at it, ruminating over it.

He lowers himself to sit down at her feet. He stares out at the rain, allowing a moment of quiet, to let her think over whatever is going through her mind.

“What makes you so sure?” she asks without raising her head.

He thinks back to her room, how orderly it had mostly been. How unchanged it was except for a few things. “You were feeling trapped in your room. You needed space to breathe and get away from things that reminded you of…what happened.” He recalls his visits again, how he’d watched over her and hadn’t said a single word. “You should’ve said something…but given the circumstances, perhaps you felt you couldn’t?”

She purses her lips. “It’s hard to explain, but yes.”

You could've come to me. A selfish thought, one born from concern but also a hurt, childish part of him. He dismisses as quickly as it had come.

“It doesn’t mean you have lost your training and experience," he says. "You’ve always had the qualities of a lieutenant.”

“A lieutenant doesn’t act like this,” Momo rebukes, shaking her head. “If not for Captain Aizen, I would never have aspired to become a lieutenant. If not for him -- ”

“You never needed him. You would’ve become a lieutenant sooner or later.”

“How can you know that?” There’s a pinch of annoyance in her voice. Good, get her away from the melancholy, but don't let her stray into anger either.

“Because you’ve always been who you are, Hinamori.” He wants to leave it at that, but judging from the confused tilted of her head – normally endearing gesture of hers – he needs to elaborate. “Do you remember that night we were out in the forest in the middle of the storm in the Junrinan?”

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm making a point. Do you remember or not?"

Her brows furrow deeper as she tries to recall. "I think so…it was a long time ago. Not long after we met.”

Toshiro nods. “You tried to get me involved with your group of friends. We were playing a game, but then a storm came. Everyone was scared, including you, but you still took charge led everyone back to the Junrinan.”

She sighs. “That hardly counts as an example of leadership, Shiro-chan. Especially not on the level of the Gotei Thirteen.”

“You want more examples then.” He settles himself in, shifting his crossed legs until he fully faces her. “On your first training mission while enrolled in the Academy, you saved Hisagi’s life until backup arrived. Again, you were afraid, but made a decision, perhaps a reckless one in some officials' eyes, but it was one that saved the life of a future Lieutenant. A year later, you…”

He proceeds to list off every instance she demonstrated leadership qualities, from their days in the Academy all the way to her first days as a Lieutenant. With each one, she loses the slump in her shoulders, and she leans forward, in awe of how many moments he recalls.

He doesn’t make it to end of his list when Momo holds up a hand with a chuckle. “I-I get the idea, you've made your point.” Then, with a small, playful smile, “Why were you keeping track of all these?”

Toshiro stutters, and the warmth threatening to color his cheeks burns particularly strong against the cold of the rain. “I wasn’t! These just happen to be moments where I saw – w-where you demonstrated the qualities of a lieutenant!”

She laughs, and despite his embarrassment, Toshiro is glad to hear it. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear it until now. While he grumbles to himself, her laughter gradually fades away.

Her smile becomes smaller and wistful as she bows her head. “That was in the past though, Shiro-chan. I don’t think I can be like that again…not without –”

“You can, and you will.” He straightens. “Remember it wasn’t him who ultimately gave you the rank of lieutenant. You completed the tests, and the Captain Commander deemed you worthy of it. He hasn’t revoked your rank after you woke up. Surely that means he wants you to recover so you could return to your duties.” Then, more gently, “In hindsight, perhaps more consideration should’ve been taken about the conditions of your recovery.”

She raises her eyes to his, tears quivering in the corners. “I couldn’t be there anymore. I know what I should’ve done, but I felt… It became too much, I couldn’t burden anyone with it. I just wanted to get away from everything.” He waits as she wipes her eyes, not letting the tears fall from them. “I’m sick of feeling useless, but what can I do? I still haven’t…No, I did. I am accepting what Captain Aizen did."

He can't let this new revelation sink in. Her eyes are wide with hope, and he knows he’s on the verge of convincing her to return and know how valued she truly is. One more push, but what can he say? What hadn’t he addressed?

"I don't know what to do, Shiro-chan," she continues. "How do I stop thinking about the past?”

As if he knew the answer. He too has the same affliction, though not severely as she does.

Again he tries to put himself in her position and imagine her decision to run away from her room and then through the forest. She’d wanted to escape from everything that reminded her of Aizen. She’d gone away, not to anyone, because she feared being a burden. Was that the only reason?

Gradually, the words form on his tongue, but it’s for s sentiment personal it threatens to tear at his heart. It wouldn’t hurt him really, but what if it didn’t work? He’d have revealed something that would show how deep her influence runs in him. Would she see how he feels? He didn’t even fully understand his feelings for her. They’d morphed and changed over the years, and ever since Aizen’s betrayal ever since he’d lost her, they’d become more pronounced. He had once seen her as only a friend, but it's more now.

He swallows thickly, and the act is enough to push those words back down. He can reflect on his cowardice later. Ever the pragmatist, he notices how dark the sky has gotten; he predicts the sun is edging closer towards the horizon behind the clouds.

Toshiro stands. “We can discuss this further on the way back.”

Momo only blinks.

“We have to head back,” he reiterates. “It'll be nightfall if we don't go now. Also, Matsumoto is probably on her way here. We should meet her halfway.”

Momo stares out into the mist and rain, pensive. It dawns on her what's about to happen.

“Let’s come up with points,” he adds, “to convince the Captain-Commander to change things for you.” He thinks it a pathetic offer, but there isn’t much else he can do.

He’s not surprised when a full minute later she gives him a wan smile. “We don't have to. I know the chances are he won't change things."

Toshiro wants to argue back, but he can only look ruefully at the floorboards.

"You won’t be able to go in there with me, will you?”

The fact she wants him there by her side makes his heart clench. “I doubt he’ll allow it.”

The corners of her mouth rise a fraction higher. Then, she sighs quietly. “All right.”

He thinks to hold his hand out, but she starts to get up on her own. When her unsteady legs give way and she yelps, he rushes forward to grab her arms. With a wince, she falls back against the wall and tries again. He doesn’t let go until she’s standing.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. Then, he can’t take it as a sign that she’s feeling better, but a small rush of relief fills him briefly when she ties her lieutenant’s badge back around her upper arm.

Next, she tugs on her hair ribbon, and it gives little resistance. She tucks her hair cloth into her sleeve, and styles her hair into a ponytail that rests on her shoulder, tying it off with her ribbon. She nods to him, ready to go.

She’s slow to walk, clutching the door frames and walls as they make their way out. She pauses in the doorway of the main room. “When do you think the rain will stop?”

Toshiro, who had been eyeing her wearily this whole time, slowly peals himself away from her and comes out from the shelter of the caved in roof. Fresh rain hits the crown his head and the shoulders of his haori. If not for the situation at hand, he would find nothing but peace and calm in being here. The rain pelts down on him, but there is only quiet surrounding him.

He understands her concern; this weather will hinder them, especially as it gets darker.

When he looks to the clouds, an idea crosses his mind. It makes him wince and his brows furrow deeper. In his mind, it’d be an interference with the natural way of the world and be an abuse of his powers. He shouldn’t, had nearly sworn to himself he would never use his abilities in such ways beyond combat. He reasons that it will make the journey back easier, and that this would be the only time he does this.

With Momo watching him curiously, sodden from head to toe and shaking, he feels the scale tip in favor of the idea even more.

With a quivering breath, he briskly walks to the edge of the veranda and suddenly unsheathes Hyourinmaru, causing Momo to grunt in confusion.

“What’re you…?” Her question dies on her lips when he quietly chants the release for his Shikai. Hyourinmaru’s chain clinks as the crescent blade hits the broken floorboards. Toshiro keeps his gaze on the skies, looking through the sheets of rain and mist.

He takes a deep breath in, letting it expand his chest and raise his shoulders. He takes hold of the chain in his left hand, and raises the zanpakuto towards the sky with his right. Closing his eyes, he meditates on the chill that permeates his skin, from the one emanating from Hyrourinmaru and from the rain drenched into his uniform. From those currents, he can feel the sways and swirls of the air. Then, way the rain falls, the moisture that lingers in the air beneath the slowly moving clouds.

And somewhere in between all of this, he senses the flow of it all. As he breathes out, he bows his head and a ring of Hyourinmaru’s reiatsu disperses around them. The clouds thin out, the thin mist vanishes completely, and the rain lessens. Gradually, it eases away to nothing but a few light drops.

He lowers Hyourinmaru and drops the chain. When he opens his eyes and turns to Momo, he’s surprised by her look of muted awe. He tries to ignore the discomfort it brings, returning Hyourinmaru to his sealed form and sheathing him across his back as he drops off the edge and lands on to the dirt. “Come on, we should get going.”

Momo is slow to move; he can’t tell if it’s from hesitation or from coming out of her awed stupor or both. Eventually, she lowers herself over to the edge of the veranda and, with a wince, she stands.

At his alarmed expression, she holds up one hand and uses the other to rub her lower back. “I’m okay, I was just sitting down for too long.”

He gives her a moment to adjust, looking around them to remember which direction he’d come from. When he turns back to her, she’s staring at Hyourinmaru’s hilt.

“Tobiume must be furious with me,” she muses. “I’ve left her behind again.”

Toshiro knows she’s referring to when she’d been led to Aizen. When he’d recovered, he’d learned from his officer that Momo had left Tobiume behind in the room he’d sealed off with . It had shown her disconnect from everything, even her own zanpakuto.

“She’s been comforting me this whole time,” Momo continues. “She’s always encouraged me and tried to help me remembering the positives. Recently, though, I think she’s been frustrated with me.”

Toshiro purses his lips into a tight line. “Judging from how your zanpakuto was before I came here, I doubt that’s the case.” At her confused grunt, he adds. “As is, that’s matter for you and Tobiume to discuss yourselves.” He starts back the way he came. “We need to get going.”

She’s quick to join his side. Searching the thick forest ahead of them, she says, “I went out really far. I don’t know how I managed to get all the way out here.”

In the hesitating silence, he can sense an apology on her next breath. He speaks before she can voice it. “We’ll find our way back. If nothing else, we can send a kido to alert the others.”

She nods after a beat. “I know a good one.”

Without another word, he leads the way. Their journey is mostly silent, disturbed only by the plodding of their feet in the mud and brushing of leaves whenever Toshiro parts a shrub aside or pulls a branch back, allowing Momo to cross. Promisingly, they pass the same landmarks he’d encountered in his rush to get to her, from the outlines of where houses once stood to the crumbling statue of Mimihagi.

He notices Momo slowing to take in each of these things. She likely hadn’t noticed any of them in her haste. For a few brief moments, she seems to forget about their current situation, her eyes coming alight with curiosity at the ruins around them, before exhaustion weighs them down.

When they carefully stumble down the incline and spot the torii gate in the distance, Momo gasps. “Oh! I remember seeing that.”

"A piece of your reiatsu clung to something here." Toshiro then points to the prints of her sandals, now more faded than before. “It’s how I found you.”

He continues ahead, but Momo stares at the tracks for a long beat. He looks over his shoulder when he hears her rushing to catch up to him. When she raises her head, there’s something tremulous in her gaze.

“You came a long way,” she says, voice shaky.

“So did you,” he says, more matter of fact than he intended.

“You came looking for me,” she continues as if he hadn’t spoke, and as if his actions only now just dawned on her, “even after everything.”

We’ve been over this, he thinks with a sigh. “Hinamori --”

“I know, there’s no need for forgiveness…” She bows her head. “I felt better after you said that, but now I’ve caused trouble for you and everyone else again.”

“It’s more trouble for yourself, really.”

She nods with a wince. “What was I thinking? I was such a fool. I did nothing back there but feel sorry for myself. What did I think doing this would accomplish? I just ran away from the truth again.”

“Stop it.”

At the sternness in his tone, she looks up. Toshiro gets a sense of déjà vu, only she isn’t behind a screen this time. She’s here, right in front of him. He can do more for her now.

“You didn’t run away to cause trouble,” he says, “you’ve said it yourself. You felt trapped, and you didn’t know what to do.” He frowns at the ground. “You could’ve come to me.”

_____________________________

From the way his eyes widen and his shoulders stiffen, Momo realizes Toshiro hadn't intended to say that. She shouldn't be stunned, but perhaps she has gotten to know him more as the stoic captain than as the childhood friend she's known for decades.

Her surprise gives way to pity. “Shiro…”

“But then…I suppose I can’t blame for not.”

She frowns, picking up on the implication. “That’s not…” She purses her lips. “I didn’t go to you because of anything that happened before. You did nothing wrong. You were trying to reason with me and stop me from doing something regrettable.”

He'd gone to such lengths for her. When she'd woken up in Fourth Division, it was one of the first things on her mind. She remembered how Toshiro had been willing to fight Gin for her, how he'd sill taken care of her after she'd tried to cut him down, and she later learned it was he who found her after Aizen stabbed her beneath Central Forty Six. It's why she felt a pressing need to apologise to him, even braving the Captain-Commander with her request to speak with him.

He cares, much more than he should given what she'd done.

He stares at her now, waiting for her to continue, his eyes practically asking, Then why? Why didn't you?

After everything she's put him through, she owes him this much. "Do you remember the last time we spoke?"

It's futile to ask, because of course he'd remember. Still, he nods.

"Back then, I begged you to save Captain Aizen's life." She winces at the tightness that takes over Toshiro's expression. The simmering sensation returns to his reiatsu, but she presses on. "I should never have asked that of you, but I still did, after everything that happened."

"Hinamori, you were still coming to terms with what happened."

"It's no excuse. I knew even back then, but I tried to deny it." She presses her lips together when a pang runs through her chest. "It's made worse because Captain Unohana told me you came to visit me while I was unconscious.”

At his shocked grunt, she raises a hand.

“She only told me when I asked who came to see me,” she adds. “She mentioned several officers visited, and I wanted to know who exactly.”

“Why would you want to know that?”

She hesitates. “I wronged a lot of people. My friends, my own officers…If they’d come to see me, I wanted to thank them for coming, and to tell them I’ll get better. If they didn't, I still wanted to apologize to them."

She steps closer to Toshiro. His eyes are wide, almost the same size as when he was a child. Remembering him like that, and knowing the kindness he always hides had been present even back then, almost makes her weep.

She can't understand why, but seeing her disappearing footsteps next to his fresher ones in the mud brought forth that guilt she felt upon waking up in Fourth Division again, compounding the remorse she already feels for her actions today. It's if she realizing all over again what he'd done to help her.

Maybe, ironically, the fact he’d come looking for her, even if he didn’t fully understand why she had run away or what she felt, means more than if he did understand.

Toshiro may not give her the words to comfort her or guide her on what she should do. But he’s here. After everything she’d done, he’s still here. And it's enough.

"When I found out you visited me, I was shocked," she continues, swallowing against the rising urge to sob. "I thought after everything I put you through, and everything that happened outside of your control, you wouldn't want to see me. I never even thanked you for coming to see me, but I can now." She offers a wobbly smile. "I promise I will get better, and if I do lose my rank, I'm still grateful for everything you did for me."

____________________________________

Guilt strikes through Toshiro like a blade. She's thankful he visited her, and yet he hadn’t said a word to her. He couldn’t find any to say, no matter how many times he visited.

He shakes his head to himself. This isn’t about him, and he can only hope his next words, the ones he’d pushed back out of fear, would give her the strength and comfort she’s always given him. The words he should’ve said while she was unconscious to, in some naive attempt, bring her back sooner.

She only makes a startled grunt when his hand envelops one of hers. There’s little he can do to warm his hands, but the constant chill emanating from there never bothered her in the past.

“You once told me to ‘believe in everyone’.” His heart hammers and a lump forms in his throat. “I don’t know if I can, but you, Hinamori…I can believe in you. I still believe in you.” He briefly squeezes her hand. I always have.

She’s too shocked to wipe the tears that rapidly form and fall from her widened eyes. Eventually, she uses her free hand to do so. “S-Shiro-chan.”

“And I’m not the only one,” he quickly adds, trying to cover up the discomfort that comes with admitting something so personal. “Matsumoto, Kira, Abarai and all the other Lieutenant’s do."

She sniffs with a wobbly smile. “You think so?”

“Yeah, I do.”

He lets his hand loosen and drift away from hers. “Your abilities are not tied to Aizen, they're your own. I don't know how you can stop thinking about the past, but you have keep moving forward. You don't owe anyone an apology, you just need to get better, and you will.”

Something unease shifts across her face, something that makes his gut twist, but it's gone so quickly he almost questions if he saw anything. Before he can speak, she strides forward and wraps her arms around him. His words turn into a startled, weak sound.

"Thank you," she whispers into his shoulder. "Thank you so much."

It's several seconds later when his arms come around her in return, and that expression from before is forgotten.

_________________________________

It's sunset by the time they find the clearer paths. They don't walk far down them when they spot Rangiku in the distances, flanked by several officers.

Without warning, she flash steps up to them. "Hinamori! Captain!"

Toshiro doesn't have to look over at Momo to know she can't contain her emotions. She falls into a hug, sobbing into Rangiku's shoulder. "I'm so sorry for making you worry."

Rangiku sighs. "You needed some time away. I can understand."

"That doesn't excuse my actions."

"Maybe not, but for me, I understand."

They stand there for a whole minute, not saying another word. Toshiro can't help but look at the scene. The two have known each other since Momo happened to visit the Tenth Division while Rangiku was briefing Toshiro on a mission when he was a seated officer, but they' only been friends ever since Momo became a Lieutenant. Like Momo, Rangiku naturally knew how to console another. He should've sent her to the forest instead. Maybe they would've come back sooner. Maybe Momo would be more at ease.

When they break apart, Rangiku gives Momo a reassuring smile. "It'll take a while, but you're an officer of the Gotei Thirteen. You have the strength and courage to see this through."

Momo nods back weakly. "Thank you." She turns to Toshiro. "I better go see the Captain-Commander and explain myself."

Despite her weak smile, her tone isn't one of resignation. It reminds him of when she's on duty, after clarifying a mistake she made and the measures she will take to correct it. Truly a seated officer of Gotei Thirteen.

He takes a few steps in the direction of the Seireitei. "We better get going." Then, to Rangiku. "Let our subordinates in the Rukongai know what has happened and direct them back to the barracks. I will go to Fifth Division after seeing Hinamori to the First Division."

Rangiku nods stiffly, but her eyes are soft with relief. "Yes, sir."

She rushes back into the Junrinan while they head off to the right, gradually leaving the forest until they're in front of the Western Gate. Jidanbo is startled to see them. He begins to speak, but Toshiro shakes his head once, and he remains silent as he lets them pass through.

They barely speak a word to each other on their way to the First Division. Shinigami that had been searching for Momo or just happened to be passing by stop and stare, a few even having the gall to turn to each other and whisper. Toshiro levels them a look that makes them go ridged and look away.

It doesn't stop Momo from cringing. "I've really caused a mess, haven't I?" she whispers to him.

"It'll be fine," is all Toshiro can offer.

When they pass the main entrance of Tenth Division, Toshiro comes to a stop.

"What's wrong?" Momo asks from behind him.

Despite the steadiness in her voice, she'd been shivering this whole time. The tremors are worse now that they aren't running. At this rate, she'll get a cold.

He enters his Division's entrance. "Come on."

He senses her apprehension, but follows. His officers notice him approaching the main barracks, starting to come up to him but then seeing Momo. Unlike the others they'd encountered before, they leave the two alone. He gives appreciative nods in their direction.

He takes her around the outside of the barracks, avoiding most of his subordinates, and brings her inside to room with spare uniforms and towels.

"Find a uniform in your size" he instructs. "I'll let Isawa know your uniform is here, he can come collect it later. You can't e freezing when you're in front of the Captain-Commander."

Her eyes soften with a tenderness that makes his heart skip a beat. "It'd be hard not to though, considering what element he wields."

He could almost laugh from shock at the return of her teasing, but remains focused on the task at hand. "It's not a time to be light-hearted. Come on, he'll be wondering where you are."

She hurriedly pulls the cloest door aside and rummages through. He's glad his sternness doesn't diminish her small smile at least. "Thank you, Shiro-chan. I promise I'll wash and return this in the next few days...or someone will, anyway."

He wants to say if she follows whatever the Captain Commander sets out and pleads her case, she might be able to get her freedoms back sooner, but he remains silent as he leaves the room to let her get changed. She emerges eight minutes later in a fresh uniform and with slightly drier hair, now tied back into a bun with a cloth.

They resume their walk to First Division with hast.

“I meant what I said before,” Momo says. “I’m going to get better. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what.”

“I know you will.” Then, because a part of his heart stirred as the insigna of First Division loomed over the horizon. “Don't strain yourself, though. You need to take as much time as you need. I’ll be here, when you’re ready.”

Her eyes become glassy. “I know.”

Chojiro is already waiting for them at the First Division’s main entrance. He briefly looks at Momo, his eyes softening for a fraction of a second before resolutely turning and bowing to Toshiro. “Thank you, Captain Hitsugaya. I will lead Lieutenant Hinamori to the Captain-Commander.”

“Thank you.” Then, to Momo. "I will inform Isawa of where you are."

She bows deeply to him. “Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun. I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have caused you.”

“ Don't be, and it's ‘Captain Hitsugaya’, Hinamori.” Back to business as usual. It has to be this way, especially if she’s to keep her rank.

She only nods and turns to leave with Chojiro. Toshiro does stay to watch them go, quickly spinning around to run back to his division. His chest feel lighter, the weights that had gripped him lifted. He still has much work to do, and he needs to atone for what he failed to do, but Momo is safe, and she will recover. He takes what comfrt he can from that, and lock it away when he faces Aizen in battle.

A minute later, the gentle rain turns back into a downpour.

______________________

Despite the anxiety thrumming through her, Momo keeps her head held high. Chojiro is silent next to her, but his occasional glance tells her he wants to say something.

“Is the Captain-Commander furious with me?” she says, feeling silly and childish.

“He will have words,” Chojiro says. “What those words are, I cannot say.”

“I understand.”

Momo remains silent for the rest of tway to the meeting hall. She’s tired, the most exhausted she’s ever been. She may even fall asleep while standing in front of the Captain Commander. She can’t hide the brief smirk at the thought. As Toshiro said before, she shouldn’t be like this. She should be reverent and scared, afraid of what punishment or lecture she’s about to receive. And she will be in the moment, but between now and then, she basks in the small bit of unprecedented happiness she has.

She sobers at the sight of the meeting doors at the other end of the walkway. Everyone is working hard and planning for a confrontation. She thinks of Izuru and Hisagi, even reaches her senses out to detect their reiatsu in the distance. They’ll have to confront their captains. I wonder if they feel the same way I do?

She’d overheard about the planned confrontation. It had been in bits and pieces over the last few days, between Genji and her Fourth Seat, once outside of her room, and other times outside late into the night. She’d imagine the scenario, the battles unfolding between the Gotei Thirteen and the Arrancars. She tried to imagine standing before him on the battlefield, but it sent her into a panic. If he’s there, she couldn’t run away anymore. She’d have to fully accept he’s a traitor, and that everything before with him was a lie.

But not your skills, and not who you are. It was as if another voice spoke in her mind. It belonged to Toshiro, and Rangiku, and her other friends. Is that what she wanted to hear them say? Toshiro had spoken something to that effect before.

Above her, the rain thrums against the roof.

Hitsugaya-kun believes I can lead my Division. The main doors open, leading her into the waiting area. Rather than fear, a fierce determination begins to bubble up from the pit of her stomach. I need to show him and everyone else I can still be the lieutenant of the Fifth Divison. I’ll get better. I won’t run away from the truth anymore.

How these thoughts inspired a plan that formed while speaking with Yamamoto, one she had tried to harshly dismiss when she got back to her division but eventually saw through with a determination and conviction she’d never experienced before, is something she will think of ad nauseam during her first days of recovery in Fourth Division after Aizen’s defeat.

For now, she approaches the meeting halls doors fighting off a smile. Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun.

[dykeza]

FILENAME: God's Prison; Lucifer Infiltrates

NOTES: i think Aizen has spent the last 100 years living with an idealized version of Shinji. Like. in the corner of his eye stands his captain, drenched in moonlight, his hair golden, face pulled back in that knowing grin, swallowed up in that damned haori. Peeking from inside of his closet, standing in the corners of his Las Noches chambers, under tables, behind shoulders and staring at him, at his soul. I think this is a constant, a pillar of Aizen's post-TBTP mind. Shinji is always *there*, he cannot be taken out of the crevices as much as Aizen tries to rip him out of the shadows and hold him up to the sunlight. His golden hair would singe and burn, his eyes would melt out of his head. And all would be quiet. There's tapping at his door, too light to be an officer, too certain to be Hinamori, perfectly annoying. Tapping too hard for too long, a second longer than it should be. It begins again an offbeat or two later, and Aizen refuses to open to door.

In Muken, swathed in true darkness, he allows himself to stare into the abyss and expects it to look back. for those eyes and hands and that Damned White Haori. as beautiful as the day Aizen stole his humanity. A beat, a click of something that doesn't sound quite like his captain's foot wear. Too sharp. Too poignant. It is after the war, it is deep into this prison. No one can reach him down here, except for that smile.

He bids him, demands for him to step from the darkness and speak. "Sousuke," he would say, lazy and gravelly, like he hasn't spoken in years. Yes, yes, come forward. Speak. You are the only angel allowed into God's prison, you are the only angel that held on before you fell.

A hand, crawling from the shadow. The air is heavy. There is weight to him. Dreams, spirits, hallucinations, his captain doesn't leave a reminder. The air is not supposed to shiver. He isn't real. His captain is a figment of his imagination. He is not real.

The mask isn't supposed to hang over his pretty face. His hands are not supposed to be clawed. His lovely golden hair falls and spills and *drags* against the floor like a body being hauled towards the incinerator. No, this is not his captain.

It's teeth chatter, like it's hungry. How did he get down here, down into God's prison? This is the Shinji that fell, this is Captain Hirako.

This is not a hallucination.

[fangirlingpuggle]

Half asleep dumb Bleach AU where Quincy war goers really bad and they have to pull a time travel fix it but the only 2 strong enough to not die are Ichigo and Aizen.

The 2 ending up in the turn back the pendulum arc and Aizen instantly goes into full xanatos gambit mastermind planner mode... only to realize that is fucking impossible when you are working with Ichigo Kurosaki.

Every time he thinks he has found a way to create a long plan that will result in the Quincy end (And maybe himself as the soul king or all powerful) he turns around and Ichigo has already completely changed the time line AGAIN! Totally fucked up someones tragic backstory and he just takes a deep breath throws all his planning in the bin and has to go back to the drawing board (Since he can't actually murder Ichigo... he's tried)

Ichigo isn't trying to change much he doesn't have any grand plan just kill Yhwach, make sure his friends are safe and don't let Aizen do anything to Aizeny.

He ends up bonding with Gin, because Gin sees how powerful Ichigo is and more importantly how much he pisses off Aizen. He basically becomes Ichigo's shadow and just makes everything 10x more chaotic.

It becomes worse when Byakuya joins in he sees Ichigo shunpo at a speed that puts Yoruchi to shame and pretty much insists he teach him. And thus Ichigo has 2 shadows who mange to fuck up everything Aizen tries to plan.

(They disappear for a few days and Ichigo has somehow become king of Hucheo mundo no ones even sure how, there's also an adjuchas grimmjow following Ichigo around either trying to kill him or maybe court him no one can tell. Aizen takes one look at this pretty much throws months worth of planning in the bin and then goes and then just disappears into the Senkaimon to scream into the void)

Shinji is confused but he knows Aizen's planning something still he's sure of it and hasn't realized the plans have changed. Ichigo just watches the two for a bit and just turns to Aizen like 'So trying to murder and hollowify the guy you have a huge crush on is taking pigtail pulling to the extreme right?' Gin is dying laughing and Aizen is pissed and not happy because he has been doing fine with repressing and ignoring these feelings for centuries and can keep on doing it just fine thank you very much.

Thus begins Ichigo and Gin trying to match make him because that may make Aizen less crazy evil since Ichigo has watched the man stare all pinning and stupid after Shinji and stop staring at the many many maps and plans he have (most of them Ichigo thinks are plans for trying to murder him) and well it's fucking hilarious. Also he's pretty sure Shinji is just as bad since the man can ramble about Aizen for hours... literal hours Ichigo timed him and not all of it was how he's planning something evil...though a lot of it was.

Plus it's embarrassing to Aizen and hilarious.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ask game: 39, 39, 39, 39, oh and also 39

Blease give me more of your writing your brain weirdness is extremely satisfying to my brain weirdness in a way that few others understand or can replicate

Immediately after the battle with Aizen, in what's left of Fake Karakura:

--

Something neon pink appeared at Shinji's elbow At Speed and he startled, yelping loudly and having to fight the reflex to kick what appeared to be a small girl.

"HeyifyouseemydadIwaswiththefallbacktimethewholetimeokay?" She spoke at a speed Shinji had only ever heard from a dangerously overcaffienated Mashiro before.

"I'm not lying for you, Kusajishi." sighed Kuchiki.

"YACHIRU!" someone bellowed loud enough to make the few unbroken windows ring, and Shinji turned to the sound of Ominous Jingling to see a giant of a man with a peculiar vertical hairstyle and a captain's Haori approaching, livid.

"Shit." She muttered, turning to grin sheepishly at her father as he stomped over, expression dark and a tiny, teal-haired toddler on his hip.

"Where were you supposed to be today?" The Giant growled down at Yachiru, and Kuchiki excused himself to sit down on a nearby piece of bench-height rubble.

"...You told me to stay with the fallback team in Seireitei." She sighed.

"So why are you here?" the giant growled.

"BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU IN LAS NOCHES I'D NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!" She shouted, reflexive foot-stomp blasting out a wave of enraged reiatsu.

"So, uh, who're Pinky and Punky here?" Shinji asked, limping over to sit down to watch next to Kuchiki.

"Eleventh Division Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and his daughter, Yachiru Kusajishi." Kuchiki nodded. "They're loud, but honorable and reliable."

"I'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH BECAUSE- Shit, it's- Its complicated, okay?" Kenpachi groaned.

"And the other girl?" Shinji asked.

"I believe Kurosaki said her name was 'Nel' or similar." Kuchiki nodded. "Not entirely sure why Zaraki is the one carrying her around but it's nothing to worry about. He's great with kids."

"SINCE WHEN HAS 'COMPLICATED' BEEN A REASON TO HIDE STUFF FROM ME?" Yachiru demanded, bristling at him.

"Great with kids, huh?" Shinji glanced over at Kuchiki.

"-BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON EITHER UNTIL ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO! WHAT IF SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU, HUH? IT'S *MY* JOB TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND DAMMIT!"

"Oh, nevermind, I see what you mean." Shinji nodded and there was the barest hint of a smirk on Kuchiki's face.

Yachiru sniffled, tearing up with rage. "WHAT? I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU!?"

"YOU CAN WORRY ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN'T RISK YOUR HIDE FOR MY SAKE, THAT'S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS-!" he roared, jabbing his finger at Yachiru.

"Can I have a juice?" the teal-haired toddler asked from Zaraki's hip.

"-In a minute Yachiru, I need to-" Kenpachi started and stopped. He blinked a few times, then slowly turned to frown at Nel, then at Yachiru, then back at Nel, pointing between the two girls and expression shifting from rage to utter confusion.

"Did you see another abandoned baby and just pick it up because it was Yachiru-shaped and Neon Colored?" Kuchiki called, teasing.

Kenpachi looked up at him, bewildered "MAYBE??" and Yachiru rolled her eyes behind him.

"That’s the most 'Raised By Birds' thing you’ve done in a while." Kuchiki laughed, getting up to peer down at Nel with curiosity.

"Raised by WHAT?" Shinji asked, jogging up after him.

Kenpachi Stood up straight, shaking his shoulders like he was ruffling feathers. "One, I’m not putting her back, two, who the fuck are these assholes?" He asked, gesturing at Shinji and the other Visored who had started to gather in the rubble to catch their breath after the battle.

"Remember how half the captains had fallen in battle or otherwise vanished before you showed up?" Byakuya asked.

"No, because I wasn’t there." Huffed Kenpachi, rifling through his Kosode and producing a Juice Box for Nel. "-but I remember Ikkaku complaining about the employee turnover."

"-AND I WAS RIGHT!" Ikkaku bellowed from his stretcher behind them, too injured to stand but not about to stop fighting, as expected of someone wearing the 11th Division's lieutenant insignia.

"YOU'RE STILL IN DEEP SHIT FOR THAT BANKAI THING, CUEBALL." Zaraki holled back at his lieutenant, who only turned his head away, sulking.

"Apparently the assorted missing officers weren’t dead, they just caught an artificially induced case of hollowfication from Aizen, but managed to survive and stayed out here in the living world to recover and learn to control their abilities out of sight from him." Kuchiki explained. Beside them, meaningful eye contact was exchanged between father and daughter, and he gave her a juice box as well. "Tactical." Zaraki nodded approvingly. "Also, non-zero chance The Old Man would have killed y'all on sight."

"Er. Yeah." Shinji winced, looking over his shoulder to where a surprisingly non-apocalyptic-looking Captain-General was discussing something with Unohana.

"This man specifically is is Hirako Shinji, Aizen’s former boss." Kuchiki continued, introducing them properly. "Captain Hirako, Captain Zaraki."

"Hiya!" Shinji grinned, holding out a hand for Zaraki to shake, but instead, he too was handed a juice box.

Kenpachi eyed Shinji in a not precisely hostile but still unnerving manner, as he offered Kuchiki a juice box as well and when turned down, opened it for himself and drank, studying him.

"…This explains six or seven things." Zaraki finally spoke, nodding sagely.

Shinji glared up at the giant. "Excuse me?"

Kuchiki waved a hand between Shinji and Zaraki. "I promise, it’s technically a compliment."

"Yeah, if Ken-chan didn't like you, you wouldn't have a head right now." Yachiru giggled.

"Mostly explains the two sets of teaspoons in the 5th division break room." Zaraki nodded, holding his hands out to his sides. "You're, whatsit- tiger-tiger thing?"

"Huh?" Puzzled Shinji.

"Symmetry?" Tried Kuchiki. "I do recall Captain Hirako having immense talent with mirroring and reversing text and other things."

"That's the bitch!" Zaraki grinned. "Not a bad idea though, you always have enough spoons."

"Huh. I guess so?" Shinji pondered, eyeballing Zaraki in turn. "Kenpachi, so you're captain of the 11th? If I remember correctly, Kiganjo was the tenth Kenpachi- so how many Kenpachis did we run through while I was away?"

"Just him for the last century. Only the two serious challenges to his post." Kuchiki explained, looking almost... proud? There were strange political currents swirling here, leaving Shinji feeling adrift.

"For real?" Shinji asked with genuine admiration. Outside of statistical outliers like Unohana and The Old Man, it was rare for a captain to hold their post for more than two centuries, and the average in the 11th more like 60 years.

Kenpachi waved his hand noncommitally. "One and a half. Tetsuzaimon Iba was really challenging his Mother by proxy." he corrected, head tilting with a jingle and Shinji realized the vertiginous hairstyle was there to support a dozen or so small bells, before the rest of the sentence caught up with him.

"Tetsuzaimon?" Shinji blinked. "Wasn't that what Chikane Iba was going to call her son?

"Yah." Zaraki nodded, sounding like a sleigh full of presents.

Shinji stared blankly. "But- but- She was still pregnant when I.. left? He’s an infant!

"Nah, Lieutenant Iba's a whole-ass man now." Zaraki looked over his shoulder. "Ay Iba-" he called to a robust man with sunglasses wearing the 7th Division's lieutenant's badge, currently engaged in picking up Ikkaku and moving him out of the way for the 4th division triage. "-How come you're spotless when my vice looks like someone fucked up at the abattoir?"

"Hi Captain Zaraki!" Iba waved back, , Ikkaku slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "It's because he's a fucking idiot, sir!"

"FUCK YOU!" Ikkaku shrieked, flipping them off from where he hung awkwardly over his friend's shoulder.

"FUCK ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD!" Zaraki bellowed back.

Shinji watched the spectacle with wide eyes, slowly coming to an unpleasant realization, before slowly putting a hand on Kuchiki’s shoulder. "…Sojun." He sighed, using his colleauges given name with heavy morose. "I’m afraid we may be Old Men now."

Kuchiki turned and blinked at him, confused. "I’m Byakuya."

It was Shinji's turn to stare in confusion. "...Kuchiki Byakuya isn't even in the Academy yet?"

"No, I'm a captain now. Sojun, my father, died shortly after your disappearance." Apparently-Byakuya explained, arching a concerned eyebrow down at him.

"Fucking what." Shinji said flatly, feeling like he'd been drained of all color and redrawn with a sharpie by someone's off-hand.

"HAH!" Barked Zaraki. "Yer Old Fart, Tiger."

Byakuya scoffed up at Zaraki. "What’s that make you then?"

"An Ancient and Revered Relic, thank you." Kenpachi said, puffing up his chest in mock-pride.

"What's going on?" Nel asked Yachiru in a loud whisper.

"Bowlcut here is an old fart who is just now realizing that he's an old fart, but he’s younger than me, so he’s also a baby." Yachiru explained. "Either way, impressive bowel control for his age!"

"HEY!" Yelped Shinji.

"Drink ya Battle Victory juice, Tiger." Zaraki said, giving Shinji a consoling pat on the shoulder.

"...It's a bitter Juicy Juice I drink this day." Shinji sighed, disconsolately stabbing the box with the straw and drinking with despair.

[blueflipflops]

I'm a bit obsessed with my current OC-insert-as-Aizen fic but instead of editing a new chapter here's some out of context incorrect quotes and memes instead

Part 2

...

OC!Aizen, sitting on a throne: hey, maybe this megalomaniac thing is a good look for me after all

Aizen, after remembering Ichigo literally exists: nevermind...

...

OC!Aizen, contemplating killing central 46 for the 264175th time this week: after all, why not? Why shouldn't I do it? Just a little treat. Just a little murder. Who knows, villainy could be a sexy look on me. Who am I kidding? I've seen the anime. Of course villainy is a sexy look on me.

...

Shinji, bluffing: I know what you are.

OC!Aizen, interal panic: (🏳️‍🌈?)

...

OC!Aizen discovering his 'unacceptable' crush on his insufferable captain: and just when you think you've hit rock bottom. you want to fuck a blonde guy.

...

OC!Aizen: i bring a whole 'lets kill the central 46 and overhaul the government to serve its people instead of the 1%' vibe to the workplace that Hirako-taicho really doesn't like

...

OC!Aizen, seeing Shinji off for a mission: -and stay safe!

Shinji: I have no say in that matter.

OC!Aizen: Haha, die then.

...

OC!Aizen: Captain is pissing me off lately :) I think I'm gonna do a little harmless prank :)))

OC!Aizen: *uses psychological warfare*

Shinji:*suddenly in a horror movie* what the hell

....

OC!Aizen: I hate Hirako-taicho

Also, Aizen: *in a room full of pictures of Hirako Shinji*

....

Canon!Ichigo (in AU): He's dangerous! He tried to kill Shinji!

3rd seat Narumi (OC): *looks at Aizen unsheating Suigetsu with a sickly sweet smile as Shinji tries to escape from doing paperwork* Yeah he does that sometimes

...

Shinji:*trips and falls on his face*

OC!Aizen: are you dead? Did you die? I hope he did.

Shinji: …

...

OC!Aizen: so what do we think about this, chat?

Suigetsu: stop calling me 'chat'

OC!Aizen: …

Suigetsu: … *sigh*

Suigetsu: shits fucked

OC!Aizen: Thank you, chat.

...

Younger!Gin, being a little shit: When I grow up I wanna be jus like ya!

OC!Aizen, on his 6th smoke break in 2 hrs: No no no---

...

Younger!Rangiku: When I grow up I wanna be just like you!

OC!Aizen, halfway into Hollowfication research he wasn't able to resist: Absolutely fucking NOT--

...

Aizen: I think we can be evil. As a treat.

Momo, suddenly nervous: W-we?

Aizen: We :)

...

Aizen: Hi, welcome to Soul Society Pest Control, how may we help you?

Shinji: This is my fucking office.

[onyxino]

Happy birthday, Aizen!

For Aizen's birthday here is some headcanons. Some SFW but its mostly just filth.

CW: Creampie. Oral F receiving. AFAB reader x Aizen. Dom/Sub dynamics used. Aizen is a whole warning himself. Slightly creepy and toxic Aizen. Panty sniffing and stealing. Cum play. Praise. Talk of sexual orientation. MDNI!!

Proof read like 3 times but my eyes fail me quite a bit

WC:1200

Safe For Work

I wholeheartedly believe that Sosuke is 100% capable of love. He just wouldn’t be able to recognize the emotion at first and would have a really big internal conflict regarding the matter. I think initially he would have the issue of not being able to tell the difference between obsession and love. Once he's finally figured out what he's feeling he’s now faced with the new issue of showing it because saying it is absolutely out of the question.

To expand further on my last headcanon, let's talk about Sosuke’s love languages! He has two forms of love language.

First would be gift giving. I think Sosuke would be very big into giving you anything you wanted as a sign of love. He believes you deserve nothing but the best so why not give it to you! You eye something at the mall for a little too long? Congrats, it’s yours now! Don’t even try to protest it belongs to you now so just take it. You do deserve the best after all.

Second form of Sosuke’s love language would most definitely have to be words of praise and affirmations. This man may have the hardest time saying those 3 big words but he will praise you from dusk to dawn.

“You’re doing just splendid, Dear. I’m quite pleased with your progress.” He says as he tucks a damp piece of hair behind your sweaty ear. This new training regiment he has you on is a killer but his words fuel you to keep going.

I plan to expand more on this in the NSFW portion! 

I definitely believe that Aizen would not use Kyoka Suigetsu on you. I can only see him using it on you in an event where it may be needed to protect you or prevent you from risking your own life if it came down to it. 

This man is the definition of LOYAL. Do not fret this man will not cheat. You’ll actually have the issue of him not leaving your side. In the world of the living, you want his phone? It's yours,  I mean you already know the password so just ask for it and he’ll hand it over. He will be a little upset that you don’t trust him but he understands you’ve probably been hurt before but believe me he will be asking for your phone in return.

I know a lot of these have been very wholesome but don’t get me wrong this is Sosuke AIzen we are talking about. He can and will be T O X I C. He has jealousy issues, make sure you aren’t talking to the pesky candy shop owner for too long or else you’ll be in trouble.

I believe he has the tendency to stalk as well. Trust me that man could tell you EXACTLY where you were at 12:30pm on July,3rd,2023. Even if you don’t remember he does.

Not Safe For Work

Sosuke Aizen is uncut. Plain and simple.

I headcanon him to be pansexual. I believe Sosuke has had experience with men, women and non-binary/androgynous people as well. I also do believe while he is pansexual and has had experience with all genders that he does have a preference. I can really see him being into Non-binary/Androgynous AFAB people. Honestly though if he likes you, he likes you and it doesn’t matter what kind of genitalia you have. I also believe that at one point in time even for a small amount of time he had a thing for Shinji Hirako (or maybe that's too self indulgent and I just want them to hate fuck.) 

While I do say he has had experience with people of all genders, I do not believe that Sosuke Aizen sleeps around. While being experienced he’s only had a few past partners for a couple of reasons. First being that he just doesn’t have time for such conquests due to being too busy with his plan for being the one at the top and all. Second being that Aizen only sleeps with people that he has a fondness for and for him it takes a long time to build up that trust. Being that naked and vulnerable around someone he barely knows just does not interest him at all. 

Sosuke is a dom at heart but he wouldn't mind (he actually really craves) soft and tender sex without the use of dom/sub dynamic. 

Sosuke has a huge thing for cum play. He loves the idea of covering you in his cum, it’s some sort of primal way for him to mark you as his. He also loves stuffing you full, creampie after creampie and then seeing it spill out of you drives him absolutely mad. Him knowing that you're so full of his cum that it's ruining your underwear and dribbling down your thighs as you go about your daily tasks gets him off.

To expand further on this it’s not just his cum he’s obsessed with it’s yours too. He loves when you squirt on his face as he’s eating you out, it does his ego wonders and on top of it all you taste like heaven to him. He is also absolutely in love with the sight of you creaming on cock, seeing that white ring of cum appear at the base of dick is just another thing that gets him off and feeds his already obese ego.

Sosuke Aizen love love loves to talk and that doesn’t change during sex either. He is very very vocal. He is the kind of man to talk you through it. He loves to deliver praise (In the most condescending way possible) as much he loves to degrade you.

“C’mon now, you can take it.” He coos in an almost praising yet degrading way as he cups your cheek in his soft yet calloused hand.

He has you on your back, tears staining your rosy cheeks. He’s halfway buried in you, if people saw you right now they’d think this was your first time taking his cock. Oh man, that couldn't be further from the truth, you swear every time up and down it will never fit. Every time you are proved wrong.

He pushes himself into you a little more, this earns him a whine that tumbles from your lips as you feel his girth stretch you out.

“That’s it, you’re doing so well. Now be good and take the rest of me, yeah? I know you can.” He says leaning down to bury his face into your neck. Then snapping his hips forward in one switch motion he’s sheathing himself completely inside of you. 

A strangled moan tears itself from your throat as you adjust to him. You take it now and you take it every time because Sosuke wouldn’t dare speak words to you that he knew to be falsehoods.

Sosuke is a panty sniffer/stealer. If you think you’re leaving your encounter with him with your underwear you’d be so wrong. It’s a trophy to him, a token of your memory for him as he sits on the edge of his bed stroking his length later that night after you’ve left. Wadded up fabric clutched in his hand pressing against his nose as he breathes deeply.

Bonus: He is definitely guilty of cumming in your underwear and forcing you to wear them all day.

Thanks for reading, I don't write often but i sure enjoy sharing when I do!

Tag list: @stygianoir @muzansfangs

[andreawritesit]

About me and my blog!

My name is Andrea. I'm 22 years old. Right now, I'm in college, pursuing a degree in English Literature. I love writing and drawing. I'll share some of my art here somewhere along the line.

CONTENT I ENJOY AND WRITE ABOUT

I mainly created this blog to share my One Piece obsession. But I have watched other anime like Naruto, Bleach, DBZ, Attack on Titan, and Jujutsu Kaisen. However, I'm mainly a Bleach and One Piece fan. I also love other shows like Stranger Things, TVD, The Originals, Sherlock Holmes, House of the Dragon, GoT, etc

I think I'll mainly stick to writing about these characters:

One Piece: Shanks, Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Mihawk, Katakuri, Doflamingo, Crocodile, Buggy, Law, Sabo, Ace, and Smoker.

Bleach: Ichigo, Uryu, Kisuke, Renji, Byakuya, Toshiro, Ukitake, Aizen, Ichimaru, Kensei, Shunsui, Starrk, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, and Shinji.

Naruto: Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Neji, Rock Lee, Kiba, Shino, Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, Gaara, Asuma, Kankuro, Itachi, Minato, Pain/Yahiko/Nagato, Obito, Madara, Hashirama, Tobirama, Suigetsu, and Sasori.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Yuji, Megumi, Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Yuta, Todo, Choso, Mechamaru, Toji, Inumaki, Noritoshi, and Ino.

Attack on Titan: Eren, Armin, Jean, Reiner, Bertholdt, Levi, Erwin, Porco, Zeke, and Colt.

House of the Dragon: Daemon Targaryen, Jacaerys Velaryon, Cregan Stark, Aemond Targaryen, Ser Harwin, Criston Cole, and maybe Lucerys Velaryon.

You can drop your request in the asks and I shall deliver!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Apart from these characters, I can also write about ships from these shows. Although I have my own ships, I won't be opposed to writing for other ships.

My ships are: Zoro X Tashigi, Robin x Law, Sabo x Koala, and Sanji x Nami from One Piece;

Sasuke x Sakura, Neji x Tenten, Itachi x Izumi, and Kiba x Shino from Naruto;

Gojo x Utahime, Muta x Miwa, and Yuta x Maki from JJK;

Eren x Mikasa, Sasha x Nicolo, and Bert x Annie from AoT;

Ichigo x Orihime, Renji x Rukia, Kenpachi x Unohana, Yoruichi x Kisuke, and Gin x Rangiku from Bleach.

---------------------------------------------

I'm always here if you want to talk about literally anything! Just keep the conversations positive and free of any form of negativity.

HERE'S EVERYTHING I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR:

One Piece ------------------------------------------------------------------

Shanks x Reader: The Red Storm - Part I - Part II - Part III

Doflamingo/Corazon x Reader - Where Do Broken Hearts Go

Corazon x Reader - Spaces Between Us

Zoro x Tashigi - Royal Misadventures Tashigi fangirling over Shusui

Law x Sick!Reader - Memories of Flavence

Naruto----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jujutsu Kaisen ------------------------------------------------------------

Bleach----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aizen x Wife reader: Shattered Vows - Prologue . Chapter 1 , Chapter 2

Aizen x Reader: Kidnapped to Hueco Mundo

Attack on Titan------------------------------------------------------------

House of the Dragon ------------------------------------------------------

Cregan Stark x Targaryen Reader - He gifts her a direwolf pup

Cregan Stark x Targ! Reader - She takes him for his first dragon ride

Cregan Stark x Reader - Cuddling by the fire

Reader shows Rhaenyra the mirror

Cregan Stark x Reader who hates seeing animals hurt

[dreaming-about-seireitei]

Re: the 'talk about for hours meme' -- "2. Certain fictional characters : from books or anime, I can give you full essays on them"

Could I have your full essays on Matsumoto and Shinji!! (Feel free to split into two posts if it's weird/too long to do them both in one, haha.)

OUH. MYGOD. This is what I have been waiting for. Yesssss I CAN. Also, I think I will split it into two separate posts, because I want to cover more aspects. So this will only be about Matsumoto Rangiku. But beware, you brought this upon yourself. It will be long af (roughly about 1900 words). I hope it all makes sense!

Also, everything I say is totally my opinion, the way I see them, and the "analysis" (nothing too formal) I made is based on anime only and/or maybe some spoilers (because I don't own any Bleach manga yet😭)

In the beginning, I need to mention that in my opinion (and as I mentioned in a previous post), she is actually a very humane, relatable and complex character. And this is why I like her so much. However, she is, most of the times, underappreciated.

So usually when people are talking about her, they get to mention her her physical appearance, which is normal and is what you do with everyone, but then something interesting happens.

When it comes to her personality, she is often viewed and portrayed as a shallow, superficial and unbothered woman. Kind of the standard beautiful but ignorant woman trope portrayed in most media.

But she is not just a plain character made to fill in some gaps and have a few lines. And while I agree she has a few flaws (that I'll talk about later), I feel like this portrayal of her couldn't be more wrong.

In actuality, she is a very well constructed character, that we subjectively misjudge, because we have certain expectations when we see an architype of fictional universes and forget to look past certain traits. And you might ask "Okay, dude, but what do you mean by that?" Well, let me explain.

But to get even deeper with how much of a complex character she is, as we go further along with the anime, we know that Gin leaves with Aizen. Even since then, we knew something was going on with those two, when he apologized to her. But as it was revealed later, Gin was her childhood friend, the one she even lived with for a while. The first person she ever loved from what I know (not sure if romantically or platonically, but love, none the less). Now, imagine how destroyed she must feel about him leaving with a man that betrayed, used and lied to everyone in their community without any explanation whatsoever. More so, imagine how worried she must be everyday for him, not ever knowing if he'll come back. Imagine how she has to live with this constantly in the back of her mind, and still be a good shinigami and fight with the fear that one day, she might have to fight him. The strength one has to have to be able to continue life with these realizations in mind, every day, without breaking once, is colossal. How mature you have to be adapt to this kind of situation so fast, even if you hate the reality this is bringing you in, is the proof of being not only very emotionally intelligent, but also intelligent overall. And not to mention how she carries this burden seemingly alone, because nobody seems to ever ask her if she's alright or care whatsoever for her problems, probably because of her optimistic, cheery personality.

Firstly, when we initially get to meet her, in the episode of Aizen's "death", we see her restraining Hinamori and getting her to jail, as a good lieutenant would do at the orders of her captain, right? But after that, we witness a conversation those two have, in which we can clearly see that Matsumoto does empathize with Hinamori, telling her she understands how frustrated she is, but she needs to think about her squad and priorities and to not make any allegations (when Hinamori was about to say she knew who "killed" Aizen).

In that small dialogue, we get to understand that not only, is Rangiku very levelheaded, but also she cares about Hinamori enough to tell her it is not her place to make those accusations and she lets to be understood that she will regret saying anything more, and tries to guide her to better priorities. She does everything in a serious, yet not necessarily harsh manner. She feels as many emotions as everyone about what just happened, and yet she thinks about what is best to be done and how to be efficient, while still empathizing with and not blaming Hinamori for anything. And she keeps that attitude towards her even later, in the fake Karakura Town arc, when Hinamori clearly calls Aizen "captain", but Rangiku still has an understanding, yet compassionate and worried attitude towards her (and to be honest, that is more than I would've had for her at that point). That already says so much about her character and moral compass.

Which brings me to the next point. We always see her as being this bright, obnoxious ray of sunshine. Party girl who likes to drink, sometimes a little too much (but I would too in her situation), who's everyone's friend. From hanging out, getting drunk with the boys, or being there for Hitsugaya (she was even the one who told him to be a shinigami in the first place, and made sure to make him understand it would be best for him to do so), to even having a heartfelt conversation with Orihime when she gets jealous and depressed. Rangiku is an optimistic, reliable person who you can have fun with and trust with your heart. But who's there for her the way she is there for others? Because I don't see her talking about any of her personal issues, besides this one exception with Hitsugaya once. So not only is she strong to keep herself composed and with the mind clear, ready to battle anytime, but she is also succeeding in doing so alone, with no support system (that I know of). So she has the power of continuing to battle for what is right and be there for everyone in a very enthusiastic way, with a broken heart that still has room for hope, and with an intelligent mind that still makes room for fun.

Now, everything I have mentioned so far are her positive traits. Of course, she wouldn't have been a very good constructed character if she didn't have any flaws. That's also what makes her even more relatable and humane. But what is again very interesting here, is that her flaws seem to be very much in contrast with her positive traits.

Also, talking about being ready for battle, there is one more point I need to add. Considering everything I mentioned earlier, we also need to talk about how good of a fighter and strategist (not to mention how strong willed) she is.

Remember: she had a portion of her soul stolen (at least that's what I understood) by Aizen! And if we are to recall the encounters she had with arrancars (and fights overall), we can surely say she had some interesting strategic moves, as well as some decent, interesting decisions in battle. So we can only imagine what kind of a fighter she would have become if she had her soul intact. All though I will not dive deeper into this (because I will have to rewatch all of her fights, and even then get into a subject that I'm really not good at), I can definitely say she is not a lieutenant for nothing. She is definitely a capable, devoted and loyal lieutenant, fighter and ally.

We can also see a similar circumstance with her shallow and vain demeanor whenever she talks about shopping and getting nice things. Because we need to remember she grew up poor! And not only that, but she was dying of starvation. When Gin found her, she was on the verge of death. And as she grew, like most kids in Rukongai, she had mostly nothing. So to one extend, I can really understand why, as an adult, she would prefer to spend her money as she likes without any reservations. I think it helps healing her inner child and can also be a coping mechanism that she developed along the years, to help cope with everything she goes through by herself.

When we think about her flaws, we picture in our minds her laziness and how conceited and vain she can be sometimes. We can also talk about how unbothered or easygoing she seems to be in many situations. And her drinking problem (which I am not going to talk about, because in my own balkan view, it doesn't really look like a problem, just that when she parties, she goes hard, and I would too and I get it).

But I found that her laziness is in strong contrast with her strong will to fight and how ready she is for battle anytime. Which is not something a lazy person will do. We have plenty of great characters that can be very intelligent and impressively created, but who are very lazy and find many things (such as fighting) as a "drag" or "nuisance". She could do the same, but she doesn't. Which leads me to believe that it's not laziness per se, it's most likely the boredom and uninteresting facade of doing chores like paperwork. And I see that as fitting to her, because she probably needs strong and intense sensations to fixate on something and not be distracted by her own mind (my opinion).

And even that, I think it really depends on how important her role would be as the responsible person in said situations. Because if you remember the flashbacks of her being a lieutenant under Kurosaki Isshin, she was the one who scolded him for not doing work. Of course, it wasn't like she was working anywhere near the amount Hitsugaya would, in any day, but still more than now. And I think that was exactly because someone had to. It was important for the captain to have someone who would nag him from time to time, so that's what she did. Just like how it is important for Hitsugaya to have a ray of sunshine to cheer him up and get him out of his sometimes-too-serious way.

And sure, she doesn't like being called "old", like most women, and she cares about her looks a lot, but I think that also comes from a place of not knowing or having the privilege of getting to care about those things as child. Which she finally has now, as an adult, and of course she takes advantage of that now and thinks about those things.

With all of this being said, I think the only conclusion here is that Matsumoto Rangiku is a strong, very reliable, smart woman with the emotional intelligence above many other characters (and people) that we get to see usually in fictional universes (or even real life). She is the kind of person I would love to have as a friend, and I wish I could have the honor of being there for her, because she deserves it. With a heart of gold and a personality brighter than the sun, Matsumoto Rangiku is the glue that holds so many things together and is one of the many needed pieces of our Bleach puzzle. And yes, she is also very hot and I would tap that.

And concomitantly, we see her seemingly self-absorbed personality that shows up from that to time and the contrast that makes with how much empathy and devotion she demonstrates.

This made me think of just the way we perceive people sometimes without having the full story on them. Because I think that it may be a misunderstanding of her character.

What I mean by this is that, maybe, we misunderstood those traits, and in reality is just her confidence. A lot of self confidence and care for one's self can be missinterpreted as shallowness if we either don't have the full story, or if that person is not slightly modest in admitting the good things about themselves. Which is an interesting way to see her, that would further demonstrate how cool she is (but considering this hypothesis is only that, a hypothesis, it might just be two contrasting traits she has, which either way, make her an interesting person).

Bonus: this is the song that always reminds me of her for some reason -

[electronicwitchcollection]

🖤🌸holy shit it had been a long time- I TOOK A BREAK FROM TUMBLR BUT IM BACK NOW WITH MORE BRAINROT. I wanted to ask u. What do you think of Gin being a lightweight? And Shunsui and Jushiro drinking with him, shocked ? 😂

Hello my friend! I’m glad you’re back!

As always you bring such fun topics to talk about 🖤

So I absolutely believe Gin cannot handle his alcohol, for a few reasons!

The first being, he never got the typical childhood. He went to the academy as a young boy, and excelled through it quickly. He never had any of those teenage parties where they experimented with alcohol and their limits. He didn’t go through school with peers his own age, therefore didn’t have any “friends” his age to go through those experiences with when he reached that age. He never grew a tolerance for it, and never learned his limits.

The people he spent the most time with while transitioning to a child to an adult would’ve been Aizen and Tousen. Both of which aren’t big drinkers themselves. Aizen would maybe indulge in an expensive glass of wine with dinner every so often, but that is all. Tousen I can’t see Finding any enjoyment in drinking, and chooses to abstain.

I would also like to factor in Gin’s physique. He’s so skinny, I’m convinced he hasn’t seen a good hot meal for quite some time. And we all Know the downfall of drinking on an empty stomach 🙃

The biggest and most important factor, is Gin had chosen from an early age that he would be the one to bring Aizen down, working as a secret double agent to ensure Aizen fails in his quest to ascend the heavens. Gin is smart and calculated, he knows full well that “loose lips sinks ships” and would take precautions to ensure Aizen never finds out about his plan to take him down.

He can’t afford to have his inhibitions lowered, must always keep up the facade to ensure he reaches his goals.

However

He was woefully unprepared for how persistent Kyoraku is 😂

We all know just how desperate that man is to have a drinking buddy who can keep up with him. Sure, he has Jushiro who will happily keep him company as he slowly drinks himself to the edge of sanity.. but it can get tiring being the only one drinking while your friend smiles on patiently. Not to mention the times Jushiro is too unwell or simply to busy to join him.

I think he has had a good few drinking partners over the years… Yourichi, Shinji, Isshin. Unfortunately they’ve all left him to drink alone once more. Kenpachi is good in a pinch, the man can hold his liquor ! but trying to get any decent conversation out of him… you’d have better luck trying to get water not to be wet. 😂

I believe Kyoraku would corner Gin one day, and before he knew what was happening he was sat opposite the two older captains wondering how the hell this happened. Without thinking of any believable reason why he had to go, Gin would try and wait Kyoraku out. The man had a reputation. Surly he’d be slumped over falling asleep soon, where he could easily leave him to the practiced hands of Jushiro, who had more patience than any one man should.

He failed to recognise two things. The first being, Kyoraku can drink an obscure amount of alcohol before he got into that state. The second being Gins near non existent tolerance would be no match for the high percentage alcohol Kyoraku favoured.

The first drink went down fine, a little fuzzy around the edges, but manageable. He could still walk home perfectly capable of hiding his true intentions. He could engage in conversation while keeping all of his secrets deeply guarded.

The second was a little more worrisome. His real laugh came out unexpectedly at one of Kyorakus filthy jokes. Muscles relaxed and the room suddenly feeling a little bit warm. But he was fine, right? A little tipsy, but still in somewhat control of his actions. The room tilted if he moved to fast and he couldn’t quite get the smile off his face

It’s the third that tips him over. His normally pale complexion is flushed red, one eye is tightly closed while the other tries to focus hard enough to stop the world from spinning around him. His words are slurred and heavy, sounding fine to his own ears yet almost indistinguishable to everyone else. When the hiccups start, so did the giggling.

Kyoraku and Ukitake would share a disbelieving look at the absolute state this man had gotten in after only three drinks… even Ukitake could handle more than that..

Kyoraku would pout at the disappointing loss of yet another drinking buddy prospect. Though he did quite enjoy watching Gin sway and stumble his way into nearly every wall, tree and person they passed on the way to his home as Ukitake frantically tried to steer him in the right way.

[writing-frenzy]

More Kinda/Sorta SI!Aizen, now with some UraIchi thrown at him because Cywscross makes me love it

In relation to the First of the Kinda/Sorta SI!Aizen AU (I feel thats a good tag at least), if anyone wants to read that first to make sense of the mess this is gonna be: this is just a basically more of a dump of interactions and headcannons that I would like to see between Canon and Kinda/Sorta verse (easy way to differ the two, I'll put KS! before their name.) but adding some other spices and ideas because my brain is going weeeeeeee!

But yeah I made the mistake of re-reading remake the universe (remake us) by cywscross which I can not regret because how they characterize Aizen and Urahara and Ichigo makes me go so feral, so beautiful and all that, I feel something like cute aggression? but I guess make it ship aggression in this case? eh, whatever, but once more I'm gonna note all this out because why not? these three are crowding in my head, and they refuse to leave, so I have to get them out in some way, so be forewarned of some UraIchi being liberally sprinkled everywhere.

So, I've touch on some things in this verse that I kinda want to go deeper on, which have also been buzzing around in my head.

KS!Aizen is someone I'm actually unsure if I still want him to be the Fifth Division's lieutenant or the Fourth's; like, this idea is just bouncing in my head rent free, because all KS!Aizen really has to do is change the cycle of souls and make sure the Visored are created; he could do that in almost any division, some of them would make it even easier, especially with how many still disregard the Fourth and all their efforts.

But for some reason, I actually want KS! Versions of Shinji and Aizen to actually bond; like, I think I actually want them to be something like friends? (Battle brothers, back to back on battlefields and in mires, blood coating their blades as it is either us vs them, you vs the enemy, a mentor, a guide, a voice that can help them when they are so stuck in thoughts and memories, who makes the world seem more real, someone I can have at my back and trust, someone who can keep up, someone I know I will see on the other side, just a little more broken, but not gone like so many others) just, the thought of it makes me actually grin? Like, KS!Shinji will be just a bit sus of his second, because KS!Sosuke is still plotting shit and hidding his true power levels, fudging a bit on his Zanpakuto's ability but not completely so he can still get away with some shit.

And then... somehow, someway, I want KS!Aizen to experience An Emotion; I want him to actually feel betrayed, because god can you imagine? (And the thing is, no matter the Aizen, no matter the man, he will hold a grudge forever to the very end... except, maybe, for those his broken, jagged mixed up heart has actually let in; Canon!Aizen won't know this, never having lets anyone in, but KS!Aizen? well, there is very, very little he wouldn't forgive KS!Urahara for, but KS!Shinji?... He'll give the man one chance.)

Also, considering the Visored; that is actually an interesting situation in my head. Like, it doesn't take anyone too long to find out that KS!Aizen is actually trying to make such people a thing, without the fate worse then death going on, and of course his fellow guys are so fucking sus about that, because it makes them wonder if he had a hand in the situation? It's just, Sosuke is actually fully embracing his Hollow, learning the tricks and exploring his new abilities with a single minded focus that unnerves most everyone... It, made the first decade and a half very tense, KS!Aizen even leaving afterwards for about 3 decades with few visits to drop supplies and spar, most doing their best to avoid him, except maybe a few.

(KS!Gin narrowing his eyes, looking at his mentor who took him and Rangiku from starvation and the streets, sponsored them both in exchange for Gin's mind in the future, Rangiku's strength, someone who looked at him and all his sharp edges and thought him worth something more then Rukongai trash, never even looked at his friend with any sort of lust but calculative of her strength and how to make her stronger. Gin thinks of his mentor who wouldn't do anything without a reason, who constantly still works to the bone despite their exile, never lets himself grow dull, who trains and trains, even as the rest of the Visored exclude him for a bit. Looks over to Urahara, that stupid mask still on but unable to hide his own considering gaze as they take in the trickiest of the Visored.

Gin knows Aizen; he does absolutely nothing without reason, with only as much effort as needed. What does it say that he's doing so fucking much, even spitting blood in spars and constant late nights judging by the bags when he lets his illusions down just enough to rest.

It isn't hard to get the rest of the group with the program, just takes his own special nudge here and there.)

So, with some shit, spars, out all dogpiles, shouting and one too many sleepless nights, the Visored and Kisuke do manage to pin down Sosuke enough for him to admit that the Visored need to exist, that while he has been trying to create them he has never picked anyone against their will, has had only too many volunteers to pick from, and with the balance of souls needing to be kept, it's not like people cared to much of Rukongai's outer districts people.

The relationships get better when they see how the Visored that Sosuke has created actually join them, completely, 100% loyal to the man that gave them a chance no one else in all of Soul Society ever gave them. Sure, he experimented and caused them pain, but that's just how life is in the outer districts; they lived one more day, got more power, and became strong enough to protect themselves. (Visored!Ulquiorra because brrrrrr) Sure, Aizen had to shut down most of his labs because of the exile, but he has his sneaky, sneaky ways of getting into Soul Society and getting shit done, so he was able to take at least a few successes. (I'm gonna say maybe 10 or so? the rest he either humanely killed or just wiped their memory and dumped them with a care package) so the KS!Visored group is bigger then in canon, and can be made up of OCs or even random canon characters that might turn a few heads :D the possibilities are fun~

So yeah, the Visored from the Gotei are still sus, but Aizen is still one of them and he does obviously have good intentions somewhere even if he is being very vague about just why, so after a bit they still accept him as one of their own.

And then the Quincy :D (They're like; damnit, ain't that a damn good reason to share?!)

And then they find out about KS!Aizen's shitty situation of forced to live in this bloody world and make Visored or get your soul shredded. (That night, Sosuke finds himself nearly suffocating from a mandatory cuddle pile, KS!Kisuke refusing to let go of him even as the other Visored yell about snacks and fighting over movies or tv series to watch. Even as he rolls his eyes or huffs, he does have a small, barely there little crook of a smile on his lips.)

Now, we have KS!Uraai or Urazen there already... so my brain is like; why not a have budding/kinda already Post Canon!UraIchi forming between the canon characters? In this verse of it, I feel like Ichigo and Sosuke bond over having to wrangle their respective mad scientist creator, sharing tips and tricks on dealing with him, actually going to the other because they can vent to someone who actually understands about loving the blond, who doesn't judge him for it, (doesn't tell him that's what he gets for choosing someone like that instead of someone normal) and who actually offers good advice, tips and tricks that actually helps him with his relationship. There are the movie nights, but then they also form a book club, hang out, dragging their respective blond on double dates and bonding time so they can ensure he's getting fresh air and not killing himself.

And yet both Sosuke and Ichigo are pulled up short the minute anyone calls them friends; like... huh...

On the Urahara's side; for one, I'm gonna say they both have different kinds of injuries, different types of actions, because for KS!Kisuke, he's almost always had an equal in KS!Sosuke, who (desperate, with not enough caffeine in his system, bags under his eyes and way too much paperwork because nobles are still fucking assholes and the captain can't fire or demote them unless it's an actual big reason) approaches the Twelfth's captain and decides: Lets go with the Ichigo Approach.

KS!Aizen: *Stares with dead eyes* Good day Captain Urahara, I am coming to you with Ulterior Motives and not nearly enough sleep to care.

KS!Kisuke: *blinks, surprised, but honestly amused because it is honestly refreshing for someone to come out and say it* is that so? What do you need?

KS!Sosuke: Nobles to get an actual brain or any decent work ethic, but I doubt that's coming anytime soon, so can I possibly use your reputation and some of the Twelfth's work space to scare most anyone who would try and dump their paperwork on me that is most certainly not my problem?

KS!Kisuke: *Now thoroughly amused, doesn't comment about the ill words about nobles because he is still sore about being tossed from the Second* Sure, just make sure you pay it forward in the future.

And then the two get into a debate on some research project, showcasing just how smart KS!Sosuke is, able to keep up and challenge his friend, and thus the rest is history. So, this bond has it's own effect on KS!Kisuke, someone who after being abandoned ended up finding someone just as smart, twisted and monstrous, who just gets him in a way no one else ever has, even as they differ and clash just enough to find their jagged edges catching on something and holding on to it ever so obsessively. KS!Kisuke doesn't have Canon's guilt, or at least, not as much because for him, it was either watch Aizen and his comrades suffer a fate he wouldn't give an enemy lightly/last resort or save them as much as he can; not to mention how with KS!Sosuke's action in his verse, none of the Visored actually blame Kisuke all the much here, and with how Sosuke just keeps training, fighting, never stopping even after most would stagnate...

Well, let's just say that the Visored and the Shouten crew have very different power levels compared to the canon crew.

(KS!Sosuke: *Raises an eyebrow* "Perfection? Sounds like just another form of Stagnation to me.")

So yeah, both Urahara's are different beasts to deal with; I'm pretty sure the two would take pot shots and digs at the other, see what gets under the other's skin, at least when they're not enabling each other in another research binge. KS!Kisuke would probably also find Ichigo fascinating, wanting to see how the other ticks, which KS!Aizen has to smack him or drag him away before his counterpart tries to stab him. Meanwhile Ichigo has to make sure his Urahara doesn't stab KS!Aizen out of reflex, which he is getting better about.

just, the possibilities for this verse, it's fun to think about even if it starts to mutate oddly in my head~

[el-yon]

Personal Bleach Positivity time for a good week.

So here I am, struggling with being a mentor/supervisor to late teens/early twenties while still figuring stuff for myself (not a real adult! i'm six kids in a trenchcoat!), and I am appreciating Bleach themes again -- this time, this is about mentorship.

I related so hard to the damaged Lieutenants ensemble in my school and workplace life, dealing with various awful situations, and now I find myself constantly wondering: "ok I am not an Aizen, but geez, how does one not screw this up?!". How do you build trust with someone who depends on you without overstepping? how do you know when to step in, when to step back?

And wow, I am loving Shinji and Momo more than ever

Because you know, Shinji's initial approach to Ichigo was bad - he was also hiding stuff from him, pushing for him to join them and manipulating Ichigo's doubts and struggles to get him to where Shinji (and the Vizards) wanted him to be. But that changes as he realizes Ichigo's not part of them, and Shinji's not going to make up for the damaged Captain-Lieutenant relationship with Aizen by training this new superpowerful kid.

Shinji gets a second chance with Momo and OH do they get it right! I have this feeling that were it not for Momo, Shinji might have not re-joined the Gotei, and were it not for Shinji, maybe Momo wouldn't have been able to fully get back either - Kubo did a wonderful job here. Aizen damaged Shinji, his Captain, and Momo, his Lieutenant: in a cascading and ripple effect that reached most of the Divisions, his betrail severed the very bonds that make the Gotei work, which is the emotional trust (not just hierarchy/discipline) between mentor/mentee, chief and subordinate. Aizen never let himself be mentored (by anyone, I'm assuming), and never mentored. Shinji meets Momo in the worst of the circunstances and he sees the damage in her that mirrors his own, and he chooses to re-builds that bond that has been severed.

We don't know how long it took, but Shinji read Momo, her hardworking self, her talent, her kind and helpful nature, and figured out how to bring the best in her - he was finally mentoring someone. On the other side there is Momo, displaying one of the most phenomenal example of strenght of heart in all worlds, who found it in herself the will to get back on her feet, back to work, and most of all, to trust again, let herself be mentored, and would you look at how amazing it is when it is done right.

Same goes for the healing and rebuilding processes of Rose and Izuru, Kensei and Shuuhei (even though Kensei takes a cof cof different approach), other cases such as Byakuya and Renji, or Yoruichi and Soi Fon, and even Rukia -- who was stripped of the mentee position from Kaien, pushed into a mentor position with Ichigo. But Ichigo is not her subordinate, and she re-teaches herself how to be a supportive friend to both him and Orihime (Rukia stepping up to train her is very important to me so it goes here).

Mentorship is a relationship, is a bond, and even if it has a time frame, it requires equal levels of respect, empathy, dedication, ethic, and trust from both sides -- and I'm talking from the toxic-filled environment of Academia but this goes for all mentor/mentees bondings out there.

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

Dating aizen and shinji(seperately ) headcannons ? Plz

Ah yes two very fun boys! Also two very different kinds of partners.

Aizen

Depending on the type of person you are dating Aizen can be either the best of times or some of the most frustrating

Aizen starts the relationship with a lie and that can't be avoided but you're also someone that can get him to tell you anything after a bit of time

There's a high chance you met Aizen back when he was captain maybe even lieutenant so when you start dating it comes as a shock to most people but Aizen will brush them off

He always praises you and will get somewhat angry when and if people talk badly about you in anyway

Gin is almost always around even after he becomes a captain so expect to have to deal with him as Aizen's partner….Dont worry too much, he'll be nice

Aizen is a devoted partner, he's caring and smart enough to always be able to read you and in turn he'll want you to understand him as well

Dates don't really happen often but during those time they do happen they're always well thought out and planned so nothing ruins them

He also doesn't really give gifts, he sees no need for them most the time but any he does give be it for holidays or celebrations are always so meaningful and more often than not are handmade

Shinji

Dating Shinji is like a roller coaster but not in a bad way he's just a handful

He's very impulsive at times and can get cocky if not kept in check but he really is a nice boyfriend

Dates are plentiful and somewhat spontaneous. At times with nothing major happening Shinji might just jolt up and ask to go to the park or get something to eat together

Shinji plays it off the he's the kind of guy to forget important dates but in reality he has them all marked down and often has things planned months in advance

He gives you nicknames and you can't avoid them. Sweetheart, baby, sweetcheeks, honeybear, idiot ( always said in a dreamy tone) and many others

Shinji tends to hide when things bother him and honestly after what happened in the soul society he's a little hesitant to trust people but that's how you know when his love runs deep

Nights are sometimes spent talking about anything Shinji can think of from his past to the future he wants with you and his friends things he would almost never speak of to others

He can be rash, sometimes really blunt but he's honest about his love and he loves to show it off whenever given a chance

Alright! I will hopefully have another request done by the end of the month! But until then I hope you enjoyed this. A little note since I'm not the most happy with how this came out is I'm not great at general headcanons but I do hope it was still good. Thank you for requesting and reading. Have a good day or night. ~ Lilly

[fangirlingpuggle]

So a few more thoughts on my super dumb Bleach AU where Quincy war goes bad and Aizen and Ichigo go back in time. (Links to previous posts here and here)

This is just arrancar all ending up in soul society. Like Ichigo somehow finds a way to get them to evolve to arrancar form (Residuals of the Hogyokus powers? Ichigo somehow ended up becoming the soul king without anyone realizing? Aizen has no idea and a t this point has given up trying to figure anything out about Ichigo and his powers all it does is give him a headache and have hs office turn into that always sunny meme)

So Ichigo ends up smuggling Grimmjow in and tries to hide him... it's actually the disaster trio of Byakuya, Soi Fon and Gin who start the mess. (Because they've followed Ichigo on trips to Hucheo mundo and know all the arrancar it's a little hard for their sensei/surrogate big brother to hide his maybe a boyfriend from them)

Someone catches them when Ulquiorra is with them in soul society and Byakuya starts it all when he just turns to the freaking out Shinigami and says completely calmly 'This is my cousin' and of course all the Shinigami are like 'No...No we can sense hollow reiatsu' and Byakuya just stares back 'no he's my cousin, can't you see he's clearly a Kuchiki'

And no one can quite argue with that. Also they don't exactly look like a normal hollow. (When asked about the mask and Hollow hole Byakuya and co just answer 'it's a skin condition')

This leads to Soi Fon ad Gin joining in and all three of them coming up with dumber and dumber excuses for the arrancar that they smuggle in, just to see how dumb they can get.

After a while the entire soul society is full of arrancar, and a lot are in multiple divisions 11th love them! these guys are awesome at fighting, we will protect them at all costs, 6th, 3rd and 2nd for obvious reasons, 4th because Unohana thinks this is hilarious. Then 5th because Shinji thinks this is part of Aizen's plan and wants to see what he's planning. He still thinks Aizen has an evil scheme going on... when in reality Aizen is trying not have an aneurysm and screaming into the void.

So anytime central 46 tries to do execution orders or be like 'WHY ARE THERE HOLLOWS EVERYWHERE' everyone else just goes 'What hollows? Those are just Shinigami with a skin condition'.

Shinji is still doing the keeping your enemy close thing... at this point there's a betting pool of how long it takes him to figure out Aizen's no longer planning the whole evil take over plan and just how close he'll get to him...as they're basically currently dating most bets are like 10 years after they're married

The Captain commander knows whats going on but after dealing with Ichigo and his chaotic trio of students he's just given up at this point

[shanksbaby]

request from @stygianoir :Or maybe one where he falls in love with the reader because the reader gets to know him And it’s like a will they won’t they get together Like they confess at the same time

Sosuke Aizen

as Ichigo already said, Aizen is a lonely man. It's true he had Tosen and Gin on his side but one wanted to kill him the other saw him as a God, and even though Aizen saw himself that way, it wasn't the same thing as having someone beside him, someone at his side. equal to him.

then you appeared, a shinigami strong enough to at least put him in trouble. You met while he was fighting Shinji and the others before he became Captain, clearly you couldn't stand there and so you joined the fight.

you caught his eye, and he couldn't risk killing the one person he might consider a rival. You on the other hand were also taking an interest in him, until then you didn't know him but he seemed so strong!

unfortunately you were unable to defeat him but he spared you and took you with him to his home. Here he offered you a pact: he would not have killed you but you would have been on his side. Since you love your life you agreed.

being on his side you've learned to know him, you've learned to want to know him more and not as Lord Aizen as he was called by Tousen but as Sosuke Aizen. It's true, you found his actions cruel as you found it cruel to manipulate Himamori (to whom you harbored jealousy) but according to you there was more.

and he too had gotten to know you, and for the first time he was interested in someone not for his own purposes but out of genuine interest. Also, the fact that you were strong and could potentially become stronger appealed to him.

he was also impressed by your willingness to know him as Aizen, as a shinigami and not as Lord Aizen or as God.

and so that he realized a tremendous truth: he loved you. For the first time he loved someone who wasn't himself, he wasn't afraid to confess his love for him because he's sure of himself but he was afraid of the feeling ' love 'and if it could afflict his plan.

after days of weighing this new feeling he decided to confess his love for you, and funny thing you did it together. He wasn't surprised that you loved her back while you were, you didn't have anyone either, you were alone too.

it was a great relief for you to confess and soon after Aizen's lips met yours giving life to a passionate kiss: it was one of the best kisses of your existence. It doesn't seem like it but Aizen gives very passionate kisses.

[my-my-my]

hiii!! i havent seen ur posts lately but i hope you’re doing amazing 🥰❤️!! i wanted to ask ur thoughts abt aizen having a daughter that’s fallen in love w ichigo? do you think he’d wouldn’t approve of it? maybe even be disappointed with his daughter? or would he be okay with it to some degree?

Thank you for your ask, anon! Between you and me, my personal HC for Aizen is that he'd have a daughter as his first child.

TW: none

Tags: @stygianoir

If Aizen had a daughter who was around the same age as Ichigo, and subsequently developed a crush on him, I think Aizen would be wary. I don't think he'd be disappointed though, because by the end of the series - Aizen found some sense of... mutual respect towards Ichigo.

I also think, if his daughter were to fall in love with anyone, I think he would rather Ichigo than say someone like Shinji (lol). So yes, I think he would be "ok" with it to some degree.

But this is an interesting question because it makes you wonder how Aizen's (hypothetical) daughter would react to learning her father had such a heavy hand in the "conception" of Ichigo. It might disgust her, it might make her lose her trust and respect for Aizen.

Aizen is not a moral man by any means, and I think if she were to find out Aizen's very prominent role in having Isshin and Masaki get together, it might fill her with a sense of sadness or guilt.

Ichigo is a kind person though, so I can see him seeing past that, and he knows better than anyone, that a person is more than their family (even if the family ties are strong!). I think he'd be sympathetic to her. Maybe this relationship might give Aizen a different perspective of Ichigo as well.

This was a fun thought exercise, thank you for asking!