#..........whether he will be able to or not is debatable

[chithereader]

first impressions / aaron hotchner

pairing: aaron hotchner x f!reader

word count: 2.6k

genre: fluff

cw: shy!reader / naive!reader, hotch has a crush!! a bit of mutual pining

a/n: i feel like this is a little all over the place but i love a pining hotch too much so i just had to post it!!!

Anderson has been doing his case reports in the pantry for the past four hours. Perhaps it does have its perks– one, he’s closer to the coffee machine and two, he’s farther away from all the chatter that is coming from the place he should actually be working in– at his desk. 

That’s because for the past four hours, the whole BAU team or what’s left of it– being Derek, Rossi, Garcia, and Reid– have been crowding the rows of desks directly across Hotch’s office. Occupying desks and chairs that are definitely not theirs. 

The rowdy bunch has been debating, gossiping, and most importantly, profiling their unit chief for the past four hours. Figuring out which applicants impress him, disappoint him, or straight-up irritate him– all through his office window. 

They’ve seen a total of seven applicants walk out of his office without a handshake, which is Hotch’s tell on whether he would consider that candidate or not. Out of those seven, two were way prettier than they were smart, three way too confident than they were competent, and two solely able to step foot in Quantico because of their last names. 

As for those that did walk out with a handshake were… well.. non-existent. If anyone were to ask someone from the team, they’d insist that they don’t need a new member. They don’t need anyone new to replace the beloved ones that have left. 

However, remembering the previous cases from the past two weeks– the truth is, they all felt a little like they were drowning. It felt like the more days that went by, the more cases there were to filter, solve, and close. The more killers there were to profile, hunt, and stop. The more reports there were to fill out, file, and submit; 

Each member of the team was doing double the workload of what they usually handle which had started to take its toll on their health, both physical and mental. And Hotch being the responsible leader that he is, recognized what had to be done. Especially after Reid fainted while running and Morgan’s strength notably faltering while in a tussle with an unsub. 

Now, the team didn’t know if it was perhaps because Hotch was measuring all these potential agents against Emily and JJ but none of them appeared up to his standard. Although accepting applications was his idea, judging by the way his brows had furrowed permanently they could tell Hotch was starting to regret it. Rossi, who knows Hotch a little better than everyone, could tell that he was about to give up. 

He could tell by the way he had his lips pressed in a thin line for the past forty minutes unwaveringly. 

He could tell by the way his shoulders were more obviously rising and falling, his breaths deeper- like he was calming himself. 

He could tell by the way Hotch would stand with clenched fists, unclenching them slowly on his sides. 

He could tell by the way Hotch was staring at the files, not reading. 

But just as Rossi was about to go up to Hotch’s office so they could all call it a night. To give his friend a pep talk about being there for each other and how tomorrow’s another day. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone entering the BAU walking briskly. 

The profiler in him skims over the figure quickly: 5 foot 3. Tiny. Mid-20s to early 30s. Young. Cardigan, jeans, sneakers, and a messenger bag. Is this kid Reid’s twin or what. Soulful round eyes, cute nose, pink lips. Pretty. 

“Uhm, hi.. I’m here for an interview? with uhm.. Mr– Agent Hotchner, sorry. Could someone point me to his office? Please?” Interesting. 

For some reason, none of the members of the team spoke, mainly surprised by the sudden addition of this stranger’s presence. One by one, like falling dominos, they slowly pointed to Hotch’s door. Simultaneously taking their precious time assessing whatever they can from what they’re seeing. 

Their observations didn’t stray far from what Rossi had seen. You’re pretty. That’s the first thing one can deduce. The incredibly-adorable kind of pretty, Garcia thinks. You seem smart, the same way anyone knows boy genius is smart– darting eyes like you’re thinking at a thousand miles per minute. Like you’re studying your surroundings, assessing threats, friendlies, and potential threats. 

You’re shy. You speak softly as if scared to intrude. Your movements are precise as if scared to impose. You stand still as if scared to take up more space than necessary. But your posture says otherwise. You may be introverted but your intelligence reeks in your diction and the way your head is held high, a part of you you’re sure of. Literally a lot like Reid, it’s creepy. 

You’re young. Young enough to steal pretty boy’s title as the baby of the team if you were to be accepted. To be honest, you look like a college student. Like a straight A, extra credit, shy and quiet type of student– and they weren’t wrong. 

You didn’t find anything weird about their behavior, the silence with which they responded to you. Probably because you were too nervous about your interview. Everyone knows the BAU is the team that’s the most difficult to get into, and that their unit chief’s the most intimidating man in the FBI that the Director himself avoids running into him altogether. 

So it was definitely a surprise when you were called in by Erin Strauss. A fresh graduate from the academy, you had no field experience at all. You’d only been working as a forensic scientist for the Organized Crime Division for a little less than a year, and more often than not you were in laboratories and morgues. Mainly there as a junior consultant than anything, having the more seasoned agents out in the field, on active crime scenes. 

Your gaze followed where they were pointing to, nerves permeating through your body. As you make your way up the stairs to get to his door, you’re trying to even your breathing- desperately. You don’t want to seem incompetent and inexperienced, pathetic even. 

Raising your hand to knock, you take in one last deep breath. Suddenly aware of all the people watching you from behind, possibly profiling you– you knock. Loudly. Like you were trying to prove something, show false strength and confidence. 

Maybe a little too loud, you realized. Shit. 

You’re in your own head when the door whips open and you see him. You knew he was good looking. You’ve seen him on TV and in pictures but god they did not do him justice. Just as you were processing how good-looking he was and how it would be a crime to embarrass yourself in front of him, your body decides it’s time to let out that big breath you inhaled before knocking. 

Now it appears you’re just blowing cool air into his chest, frozen while he stands there towering over you, most likely curious about why you knocked on his door so hard, why you are blowing cool air into his chest and more importantly, who the heck were you? 

“Hi, I’m, uh, here for the interview. For, uhm, the vacant position at the BAU team, Sir– Agent!” clearing your throat you scramble to make a good impression, or at least salvage what’s been established. 

Swallowing your pride, you bow your head in embarrassment, softening your voice as you say “Sorry, Agent Hotchner. What I meant to say is that I’m applying to be on your team. I’m here for the interview.” Looking up at him eye-to-eye, to hopefully convey your sincerity, you held his stare and his breathing stuttered. 

Let’s be honest. Hotch just went through four hours of his personal hell, getting to know people he doesn’t want to get to know. Asking questions, engaging in small talk, studying mannerisms and language– all to assess whether that person could be the much needed addition to his team. And the last thing he wants right now, as it nears the end of the work day, is another applicant to entertain. 

So Hotch, along with the rest of the team, becomes quite surprised when he moves his body out of the way to let you in his office when seconds ago he looked like he was about to give a very tempered advice at whoever just banged on his door. 

While he gestures for you to sit walking around his desk to sit on his own chair, he convinces himself that it’s because he is a good person and because he would do anything to help his team even if it meant enduring another painful interview. 

Definitely not because of your eyes. Or pouting lips. Or the adorable way blood rushed to your cheeks in embarrassment. Or your soft, soft voice that said his name in such a way that he’s dying to hear it again. 

Nope. It is simply his duty to lead and care for his team, and that means interviewing you. Somehow. 

-

It was quiet. You were nervous. It was obvious. He was waiting for you to talk but you’ve been staring at his tie instead of his face. You’re fiddling with your rings, wiping your palms on your jeans. And you were still very obviously trying to even your breaths. 

Observing these were enough to make him soften his voice slightly as he spoke, “Could you tell me about yourself?” He said slowly and softly– soft enough that if the air conditioning was a little louder you probably wouldn’t have heard him at all. 

Hotch became extremely conscious about coming across as demanding. He simply didn’t want to intimidate you further. He knew that if he wanted you to talk, open up, and present yourself justifiably, he would have to tread lightly. 

Now, he didn’t know when exactly he had started to care about whether he came off as intimidating or not, nor does he know why he’s the one adjusting for someone applying to be on his team– but apparently the times have changed. 

He’s brought out of his thoughts by your faint reply, “Well I, uh, have a bachelor in Psychology and in World Literature. Uhm, and.. I also have a Masters in Criminal Psychology but pursued Forensic Psychology for my doctorate.” You sounded almost hesitant to list all your achievements, which made him think you’ve probably been told once or twice that it is impolite to talk about such achievements to one’s face. 

The thought of someone invalidating your achievements, your brilliance infuriates him. You’ve achieved so much so early in your life, you deserve to be celebrated. There’s a subdued smile on his face, hopefully one you interpret as encouragement to continue. 

With a small smile gracing your face at his kind reaction, you added, “I only recently finished actually– I did it simultaneously with the academy’s progr–”

He cut you off, “Congratulations– sorry.” Too eager. Since when am I the one doing the impressing? “You like studying,” he observed. The smile on your face, although small, seemed genuine. Your face and your posture increasingly relaxed the more you talked.

You breathe out a laugh, “A little.. A little too much maybe.” Looking at your hands, rearranging the rings that adorn your nimble fingers. 

Hotch’s face has softened. He didn’t notice by how much, but it has relaxed a lot more the longer he observes you, everything about you. He commits your every movement to his memory, every mannerism, chalking it up to some part of his assessment. Words that describe you flashing in his head: introverted, intelligent, beautiful, accomplished– He hasn’t read your file. He gave up on reading files three candidates ago and has been relying on his profiling skills to get him through. 

But there’s something about you. Something that he can’t figure out, can’t name or explain. He felt it the very first time your eyes met, which isn’t even an hour ago but feels damn near to ages ago. He’s feeling it deep in his bones– a tingling feeling, an electric current, a rush of excitement. His heart has been beating slower yet louder. He feels it strongly in his chest. 

It had made him silent for a minute, so you look up from your hands subtly to check if he’s alright. For a second you were worried that he had said something that you just didn’t pick up on, and he’s been waiting for you to respond. 

But as your eyes meet again, he feels he’s suddenly in unfamiliar territory, treading powerful waters, and he can do nothing but go along with it. 

You’re surprised by the look in his eyes, but the sudden silence is at the forefront of your mind and you try to diffuse it, “Uhm–”

He cuts you off again, “Tell me something about yourself that I won’t read on your file.” He had the same idea- to talk. But for you, it was to diffuse the silence you thought was a dead giveaway of how disastrous your interview’s turning out to be. To him, it was to get somewhere, anywhere.

He’s got this weird feeling– a desire to get you talking more, even though soon enough there will be an awakened part of him that is certain there will be more talking in store for you two in the future. 

“What?” You don’t know why you said that. You understood what he said. Now you probably helped him affirm in his head that you’re ditzy and possibly the least reliable candidate to make agent. 

But..you just caught him looking at you like he was in love with you. Now you’re officially crazy. Dark, compelling eyes calling to you– it threw you off. It wasn’t even the usual sickening look of love, it was more of this serious, earnest yearning- almost pained.

- 

Now while the two of you were battling awkwardness and inexplicable feelings, the team was watching the whole thing unfold through his office window like a silent film. In fact, Garcia and Derek were already sharing a bowl of popcorn he ran to microwave the second they all saw Hotch’s entire existence falter at your presence. 

“What– what is happening? They’re barely talking!” Garcia worries. You’re tiny and adorable, and you look so kind and so incredibly soft and fragile. She just wants to protect you regardless of having met you less than briefly, minutes ago. 

“Baby girl, look closely. Both are just nervous, blushing idiots. They’ve just gotta push through this. Aren’t I right?” Derek’s smart mouth smugly adds. Looking to Rossi for any confirmation that he had guessed right: Hotch has a crush. 

Ever the skilled lip-reader, Reid comments “It’s been six whole minutes and Hotch has only asked her to tell him about herself.” He ponders for a moment, tilting his head “And judging by his relaxed jaw movements, gestures, and the decreased amount of strain his neck shows, I’d say he’s speaking softer than his usual volume.” 

Essentially Hotch’s best friend, every member looks to Rossi for his reaction. If they need any sort of confirmation that they’re reading their boss man right, they only ever have to read his right hand man Rossi who wears how he feels and what he thinks like Garcia wears her individuality. 

But Rossi’s only looking back at Reid with twinkling eyes and a smug smile growing bigger by the second. He lets out a quiet laugh, turning back to see Hotch smiling at the girl who is unaware of the fool grinning at her, “Addition to the team my ass– he'll be adding her to his life."

[starlost-mochi-x]

lonely st. ✧ chapter ix : healing

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)

warnings: mentions of panic attack, lots of crying, hyunjin collapses from exhaustion at one point, mild mentions of injuries and blood/bruises, hyunjin is kinda mean, best boy felix

a/n: one to go! thank you for all the love <3 please read this post before you open this chapter if you haven't already 💫

series masterlist | skz masterlist

Felix poked his friend on the shoulder. "You excited for the tournament games, Hyunjin?"

"W-what?"

"Are you excited for the tournament games?"

Hyunjin blinked blearily, trying to clear his fuzzy head. "Sure."

He was trying to focus on what Felix was saying, truly, but he just couldn't get the events of the past two days out of his head.

Sitting with Y/n in class, having her fall asleep on him at Felix's place; it was all constantly at the forefront of his mind, and he hadn't been able to sleep. Or focus. Or keep his head in the game.

Or do anything, really.

Coupled with the realisation of his newfound (or perhaps just realised) love for her, all in all, Hyunjin could do nothing but sleepily follow his friend to the bus stop, where their coach was waiting to take them down to the basketball tournament.

It would be seven days away from home; the tournament was a week long event, and normally Hyunjin would have been excited, but today, he felt off. Like he had forgotten something.

Maybe he had forgotten something.

Jisung had come over to help him pack his suitcase just the other night, since he'd forgotten about it in the bustle of having to finish homework, wrap up errands, and the neverending preparations for the upcoming games.

"Normally it's my job to forget to pack my suitcase," Jisung had said to him as he'd helped Hyunjin fold his clothes into his bags. "Feels strange seeing you so unprepared, Hyun."

Hyunjin sighed and pulled out his jacket, setting his duffel down for a moment to pull it on. Him and Felix were currently walking across the field to the coach, which was waiting at the stop a little further ahead. The sky overhead was a milky purple, streaked with light orange and the faintest shimmer of blue, gleaming through the clouds to highlight the early-morning sun, which was still halfway through rising behind them.

Hyunjin glanced at Felix, walking to his left; the blonde haired boy was walking with his head down, watching as his sneakers spread little droplets of dew across the freshly mowed grass. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were a little swollen; it wasn't uncommon for Felix to look like a sleepy chicken in the mornings, especially when they had to travel somewhere early for games.

Hyunjin assumed he probably looked the same way; he hadn't bothered to brush his hair that morning, vouching for a quick shower to wake him up instead. He'd turned the handle after stepping in and had been hit on the back with a flurry of cold water, and his spine still tingled as he relived the memory with a wince twinging at the corners of his mouth.

He hadn't been able to sleep that night, either; he'd been debating for several hours on whether to tell Y/n he was leaving for a week, and he had kept struggling with the decision as the stars had risen higher in the sky.

The night before...

Hyunjin lay in his bed, the sheets rumpled and messy, his hair in the same state. He pressed a hand to his chest, where Y/n had lay a few days earlier; he found he suddenly missed her warmth and the comforting weight of her body against his. A flush painted his cheeks suddenly, his ears dusted pink. But it faded as he picked up his phone, biting his lip.

He had to tell her about the tournament; would she be upset that he'd left it so last minute? He'd told Jisung and Felix not to mention it too much around her; they'd asked why, and Hyunjin found he didn't have an answer.

Perhaps he was worried that things would be different after he came back from the tournament; would she have had some sort of personality transplant by then? Would she have decided that he wasn't good company after all, or that she would much rather be friends with Jisung, or Felix?

The worries swirled in Hyunjin's mind and he opened the chat with Y/n, deciding to tell her anyway. Even if she did decide to hate him, he couldn't bear the fact that while he was away, she might be all alone and be wondering where he had gone. He couldn't do that to her; she deserved to know.

drama king 🏀: hey drama king 🏀: you awake?

He waited silently, his phone held over his face as he relaxed against the pillows, waiting for a response. His arm began to hurt after a few minutes so he rolled onto his side, eyes strained and watering as he glared at the screen.

y/n 🌸💫: hyunjinnie y/n 🌸💫: why are you awake its like 2 am y/n 🌸💫: are you okay?

Hyunjin exhaled in relief, feeling suddenly guilty for waking her with his impulsive actions.

drama king 🏀: sorry. i'm okay drama king 🏀: just, i wanted to tell you something y/n 🌸💫: which is?

Hyunjin let his cheeks puff up as he exhaled harshly, his head spinning slightly at the forceful puff of breath. He typed out a reply.

drama king 🏀: you know the basketball tournament i mentioned to you a while ago? y/n 🌸💫: yeah, what about it? drama king 🏀: it's tomorrow y/n 🌸💫: yeah? y/n 🌸💫: and

Hyunjin let out a little noise of surprise, running a hand through his hair. Was she baiting him, trying to catch him out? He couldn't see any other resolution; how could she have possibly known when the tournament was? He'd never mentioned the dates to her, not that he hadn't wanted to. Again, he found himself struggling to grapple with a conclusion as to why he had been so hesitant to tell her about it.

drama king 🏀: wait- you know about it? drama king 🏀: you know that i'm leaving tomorrow? y/n 🌸💫: of course i knew y/n 🌸💫: it was hard not to know, when it's all jisung talks about in math class with me. you know, when he's not busy listening to g-idle and drawing on my hands y/n 🌸💫: he's a lot of fun

Hyunjin's heart sank for some reason and a mild feeling of irritation settled in the pit of his stomach. Why did he suddenly feel so downcast? Was it because he'd been expecting her to not know about the tournament, and therefore be upset with him for not telling her beforehand? Had he wanted that?

But despite all of that, why was she directing the conversation to Jisung of all people?

Don't be stupid, he chided himself. She's just mentioning how she found out about the tournament. Don't be mad at her, or Jisung.

He typed a response, thumbs flying over his phone screen.

drama king 🏀: oh y/n 🌸💫: just 'oh'? y/n 🌸💫: what's wrong

Hyunjin switched his phone off for a few minutes, pondering her question. What was wrong? He'd been feeling so different lately, and not just because of the fact that he'd discovered his true feelings about her.

No matter how hard he tried, there was always some sort of feeling or thought just out of his reach, and it was beginning to tick him off. Usually he was composed with his feelings; he hadn't even been feeling this stuck after he'd cut Yeji off for saying nasty things about Y/n to him. No, he felt worried.

Why am I worried? Is it about the tournament? It could be. Is it because Coach told me after the last practice that I'd have to step my game up if we wanted to win the championship? Or am I doubting my skills even though I've practiced till I ached?

Am I just worried about leaving her?

y/n 🌸💫: hyunjinnie?

Her notification snapped him out of his spiraling, confused thoughts.

drama king 🏀: yeah, sorry drama king 🏀: i just drama king 🏀: i'm gonna miss you

Shit!

He hadn't meant to type that! Frantically, he propped himself up on his elbows and fumbled to navigate to the settings icon, where he switched the wi-fi off. If he was lucky, the message wouldn't go through...

Of course, no such luck.

The 'delivered' icon sat proudly on top of the risky message and Hyunjin fought to keep his phone by his side even though he felt like throwing it out the window. Y/n's typing bubble popped up and he clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to fight the urge to scream and wake everyone else in the household.

y/n 🌸💫: i'll miss you too y/n 🌸💫: but i'm not going anywhere y/n 🌸💫: you can still text me even when you leave for the tournament, you know, if you have time...

Hyunjin stared at the messages, mouth agape in disbelief. Another message popped up under the previous ones.

y/n 🌸💫: if you want to, of course

Hyunjin let a soft, relieved chuckle escape his lips. He could almost hear her frantic, shy tone as she hurriedly reassured him there was no pressure in the matter.

Even though she was saying something that was completely a choice to him, Hyunjin found it endearing that she was making sure he knew he had a choice in the first place.

He typed a response quicker than his fingers could coordinate it.

drama king 🏀: i'd like that. y/n 🌸💫: good y/n 🌸💫: now go to sleep, you maniac

Hyunjin laughed at her response, his eyes crinkling cutely at the corners as he clutched his phone tighter.

Y/n reacted to his previous message with a little black heart, signaling the end of the conversation. Hyunjin froze for a couple seconds before tossing his phone onto the bedside.

Burying his face in his pillow, he kicked his legs, unable to keep the increasingly widening smile from stretching his face til he felt it would split from the force of his happiness.

The butterflies in his stomach fluttered up and out of his throat in the form of a light, bubbly laugh that he hardly recognised as his own.

She really was sweet.

"Alright, boys, line up and I'll count you onto the coach..."

Felix took Hyunjin's arm as they lined up behind the other boys waiting to get onto the coach. They were all dressed in the same, dark tracksuit, with the school logo on the back and white stripes running down the sides of the sleeves and pants.

Hyunjin felt so sleepy he though he would drop where he stood. He looked up the front, where his basketball coach was counting on the boys in pairs.

Everything had been loaded onto the bus; in his daze of reliving the memory of Y/n the night before, Hyunjin hadn't realised that Felix had taken his stuff to be loaded, realising that he was too tired to do it for himself.

He turned and lifted Felix's hand to his mouth, pressing his lips to it in a soft, affectionate gesture. Felix smiled sleepily at him just as Jisung wrapped his arms around Hyunjin's shoulders.

"Hi!" He grinned, nuzzling into Hyunjin's neck.

Hyunjin groaned despite himself. Jisung was about the only one who was awake at the moment; Felix nodded to him subtly and sneaked the half-empty can of Monster from his bag, taking a sip and wincing at the strong, caffeinated flavour. He waved the can in Jisung's face.

"You shouldn't drink this stuff so early, Ji," he chided lightly, handing the can back to his friend, who shoved it into his bag, apparently unaware of the possible dangers of drink spillage.

Hyunjin sighed and looked ahead as Jisung whined a reply to Felix; normally, his friend's boundless energy and comedic antics would have cheered him up.

But for some reason, the pang of irritation he'd been feeling in his gut since he'd found out that Y/n had been sitting with Jisung every math class began to settle in, and this time, it was a lot faster than it had been previously.

But he wasn't sure why.

Hyunjin clenched a fist as Jisung accidentally knocked him in the back harmlessly as he re-enacted something to a friend behind them, sending him forward a step. Their coach was still counting the boys onto the bus, and Hyunjin turned just as Jisung spoke.

"Lixie pixie, wanna sit with me?" Jisung poked Felix's cheek, grinning.

"Sorry," Hyunjin cut in suddenly, aware of the suddenly brusque, cold tone in his voice. "He's sitting next to me."

Felix looked at Hyunjin in surprise, then looked back at Jisung, who had paused, his grin fading a little.

"Oh," he said, his smile returning. "That's okay. I'll sit with Innie instead."

He dropped behind them to clutch at Jeongin's arm, and began talking with him about the latest update to the game they played together, apparently unaffected.

Felix nudged Hyunjin's shoulder just as they were counted onto the coach.

"Jinnie, what's wrong?" He whispered.

Hyunjin gritted his teeth as they walked down the coach aisle, and he settled into the back corner next to the window. Felix sat down beside him, touching his knee worriedly. He made to speak, but was interrupted as their coach called out a few instructions, some of which included 'No sticking your hands out the window to flip passing strangers off' and 'No throwing chewed gum at each other'.

"Standard procedures, really," Felix murmured in Hyunjin's ear. "I wonder if the other boys' basketball teams at the tournament get instructions like that."

Hyunjin smiled despite himself, and propped an elbow against his knee as he tucked it up to his chest. Letting his head rest against the window, which was vibrating slightly with the movement of the bus, he closed his eyes.

Felix stared at him pointedly, eyes flitting to Jisung before fixing themselves on Hyunjin's figure.

"Jinnie."

"Mmm."

"What's wrong? Why'd you snap at Jisung?"

Hyunjin opened his eyes, glaring defensively at his friend. "I didn't."

Felix's voice was low. "Yeah, you did. What happened?"

Hyunjin sighed in exasperation. "Are you gonna laugh at me?"

Felix shook his head vehemently, swaying with the motion of the bus as it headed onto the freeway.

Hyunjin sighed and adjusted himself so he was more comfortably facing his friend. "It's just- I found out that Jisung sits with Y/n every math class."

Felix tilted his head. "So? I thought you didn't mind."

Hyunjin sighed again. "I didn't mind. But- now they're so close, Felix. What if- what if Y/n decides she likes Jisung more than me?"

Felix leaned his head against his friend's shoulder, tucking his knees up to his chest as he rested. "Why would she like him better?"

"Because he's funny, and easy to talk to, and a better basketball player than me, and Y/n gets along so much easier with him-"

"That's not true," Felix looked at him, taken aback. "Y/n gets along well with you. Why are you so worried? You were fine a couple days ago, Jinnie..."

"Because I like her," he blurted out suddenly.

Felix hurriedly clamped a hand over his mouth as a couple of the boys in front of them looked back at Hyunjin in interest, smirking to each other. Glaring at them, Felix waited until they turned back to the front, and lowered his voice, moving closer to Hyunjin. His eyes were wide.

"Took you long enough, man."

Hyunjin tugged on a strand of his blonde, messy hair, pouting. "Don't be mean."

Felix rolled his eyes in response, sighing dramatically. "I knew the second you started talking to her you liked her. Everything was confirmed after you both fell asleep on my couch a couple days ago."

Hyunjin whined, shoving him, trying to tone down the scarlet flush on his cheeks. "Felix!"

"It was cute!" his friend protested. "Besides, you two are adorable together."

Hyunjin groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Do you think she knows?"

Felix shrugged, looking at him pointedly. "Do you think Jisung really likes her?"

"I don't know, but he draws on her hands all the time, which has to mean he likes her, right?"

"Jinnie, he draws on your hands too most days."

Hyunjin looked down at his hands and sighed; true to his friend's word, there were faded, inky doodles of anime characters and cutesy hearts and stars all over the backs of Hyunjin's hands, worn by hand-washing and natural wear.

"Okay, fair point, but still-"

"Jinnie."

Hyunjin threw his hands up, digging through his duffel for his water bottle. His throat had gone suddenly dry. "Okay, fine. Even if Jisung doesn't like her, how am I supposed to fix this?"

"Tell her how you feel, pabo."

Hyunjin spluttered and drew the water bottle away from his mouth, water running down his chin. He thwacked himself in the chest repeatedly.

Glaring at Felix, he protested, his voice suddenly pitching several octaves higher than before. "I can't do that!"

Felix deadpanned at him. "Why not?"

"Because, then it might ruin everything-"

Felix pressed his fingers and thumb together and apart repetitively in a talking motion, rolling his eyes.

Hyunjin flicked his neck, his friend recoiling dramatically, clutching at himself.

"Oh, I am wounded-"

"Shut up." Hyunjin settled back into his seat, crossing his arms. "I just have to wait until I'm ready to tell her. If I tell her."

Felix stopped his dramatics suddenly, poking Hyunjin's shoulder. "Jinnie, if you wait til you're ready, you're gonna be waiting a long time. And who knows? Maybe she feels the same way."

Hyunjin shook his head. "She doesn't. Well, I don't know."

"Do you know that for sure?"

He shook his head again. "I don't know that either."

Felix sighed, settling back into his seat and moving his shoulders, getting comfortable. He slipped his sneakers off and tucked his feet further underneath himself.

"At least talk to Jisung about it. He'll understand."

"And what if he likes her?"

Felix grinned. "Fight to the death."

Hyunjin groaned and let his head thud against the window. The passing scenery outside faded and blurred as it began to rain lightly. A sudden downpour drew surprised explanations from some of the boys, and Hyunjin closed his eyes, hoping to try and catch up on some sleep before they arrived. It was a long bus trip anyway. He'd have plenty of time to sleep, and think over what Felix had said.

Glancing across, he noticed Felix had plugged in his headphones, and was busy listening to some sort of music video he'd downloaded on his phone.

Turning back to the window, Hyunjin traced the droplets of rain sliding down the glass pane, and thought hard. The last championship game was back at school; sort of like the finale of the tournament. Their opponents would travel to the school to verse them in a final game of basketball.

It was during the school day, too; it went from the lunch break to the end of the day. If he had time after the game, maybe he could catch her and tell her how he he felt about her.

But she'd have to show up, he reasoned. She's never not at school, though. I don't think I've ever seen her take a day off. Maybe she just likes being at school better...

He bit his lip. Could he possibly tell her over text? No, he couldn't do that. She might misunderstand something and take it the wrong way. Then everything would be ruined.

Or maybe, he could tell her over a phone call, when he got a chance alone. But there was always a risk that she would forget about the confession once he returned.

Why is this so hard?!

Hyunjin sighed and rested his head on his folded arms, moving so he was leaning onto Felix. He was far more comfortable than the window sill anyway. He lightly scratched Hyunjin's head before resuming the video on his phone.

Hyunjin shut his eyes and made a plan.

First, he would try and focus on the first few games of the tournament; that would surely guarantee an easier path to the championship title.

Then, when he had a free moment, he would find out somehow if Jisung liked Y/n.

Then, he would talk to Y/n over text when he had time, just to sus out whether there was a chance of her liking him.

Finally, he would decide whether to confess to her.

Foolproof plan, he thought to himself sarcastically as his eyelids began to droop.

What could possibly go wrong?

The dorms were wide and spacious; the boys were split into groups of four and sent off from the bus with their things. Hyunjin stopped to help Felix take his suitcase down from the bus well; in his other hand, he held the schedule for the rest of the day.

There was a long, outdoor corridor with a corrugated roof that led down to the boys' dorms; most of the schools in the prefecture had already settled into their respective rooms. There were about 20 schools competing in the tournament, but Hyunjin and Felix didn't see anyone walking around besides a couple of rowdy teenage boys bouncing a basketball.

Most of the teams had arrived several days before, and Hyunjin figured they were most likely out practicing in the main courts behind the dormitory buildings. The sun had finally risen fully, though it was hidden behind a sheen of grey, overcast clouds.

Jisung and Jeongin were already inside when the boys entered. The room smelt faintly of wood and fresh linen, and Jeongin was busy rifling through the cupboards for fresh sheets as Felix set his bag down on the nearest bunk.

There were two bunk beds, set on either side of the wall, and a door one side for the bathroom, the other door being the one they had just entered through.

Hyunjin pressed a finger to the frame of the bunk beds; it was hard steel, set in black. He shivered slightly; the room was cool.

Jisung and Jeongin had already claimed the top bunks, and Felix had sat down on his bed under Jeongin's, leaving Hyunjin the other bottom bunk under Jisung's. Not that he minded; he much preferred the bottom bunk anyway, since he was so tall. He'd had a few extremely close, unfortunate encounters with the ceiling more than once when he'd claimed a top bunk for himself in the past.

The pang of irritation he felt towards Jisung settled down for the time being as Felix handed round the schedule. Jeongin had finished making his bed and he moved to sit beside Hyunjin, reading over his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Hyunjin relaxed into the much needed comfort.

They had two hours off to unpack and freshen up, as well as explore the campus. Then they'd eat quickly in the main hall and begin stretching, warming up, and training for the rest of the evening. He looked sideways at Jeongin, who already looked exhausted.

"Today's gonna be so long," he murmured, pouting.

Hyunjin chuckled and ruffled the younger boy's hair, making him squint like a fox. "It's okay, Innie. It'll be over before you know it."

Jeongin pointedly glanced across the room at Felix, who had fallen asleep on the bed. Jisung moved and climbed off the top bunk, settling down next to Felix and wrapping an arm around his torso. They looked as tired as Hyunjin felt, but he knew that if he fell asleep, he ran the risk of missing the practices scheduled for tonight, and he knew Coach would be upset.

So he stood up, with some effort, and moved to the small bathroom to splash water on his face. It was a simple little room; with a bathtub and shower in the corner, hidden by a sliding frosted glass door, and two sinks with a large mirror hanging above it, a towel rack to its left. There was a smaller door to the right, which Hyunjin assumed to be the toilet.

He leaned over the sink, letting his hands dangle in the cold stream of water, attempting to wake himself up a bit more. He looked at himself in the mirror; he was tired and pale, the bruised colour under his eyes prominent and speaking measures to how hard he'd worked in the past few weeks, or how little he'd slept. Turning the tap off with great effort, he touched his lips with a wet finger; they were chapped and split.

"You look like shit," he told himself quietly.

"Innie, pass!"

Felix caught the ball and weaved his way down the court, effortlessly evading the blockers. The thumping of the basketball and the squeaking of shoes reverberated around the court as Hyunjin took his spot near the hoop.

His eyes flitted to Felix before checking both sides for any attackers, and he caught the ball effortlessly, years of muscle memory kicking in. He looked up and leaned onto the balls of his feet, ready to shoot; the blinding white lights overhead glared off the court and made his eyes water, like the sun was coming closer to greet him.

He jumped and shot into the hoop, his palm slapping the net. Flicking his wrist, he watched in satisfaction as the ball slipped through the net, landing on the ground with a pleasing thud.

He high-fived Felix and let Jeongin tackle him in a side hug; looking straight past Jisung, he glanced at his Coach, who nodded and turned away.

Things were looking up.

The rest of the evening practice went smoothly enough; Hyunjin managed to shoot a few more hoops and he was beginning to feel stronger with each resistance drill they went through. He tried to control his breathing as Jeongin held his feet while he did situps.

They were supposed to do forty in four sets; by the third set, Hyunjin began to feel a little dizzy. Jeongin had already done his sets, and Hyunjin could see his chest heaving as he leaned forward, holding firmly onto his sneakers as he bent his middle up and down. His abdomen ached but he pushed forward.

Just a couple more...

It was like someone had switched him off. He collapsed back onto the court, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes from the blinding white court lights. His chest heaved and his torso ached, his abs burning. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn't get up, the energy draining out of him like a broken sandglass.

"Hyunjin, you okay?" Jeongin asked in concern, letting go of Hyunjin's shoes and moving to his side. "Captain?"

He could do nothing but heave; everything hurt so badly and all he'd done was a few situps. He could see Felix and Jisung looking on in concern to his left, and he hated the sympathetic looks the other boys gave him as his coach moved to assess his state.

Stupid, he thought, tears welling in his eyes. You're so weak. Innie did the set just fine. Why can't you?

He moved to get up, gritting his teeth, and pushing Jeongin's hand off of him. But it was replaced by the larger, veiny hand of his coach, who pushed him back down onto the courts, pressing a cloth to Hyunjin's forehead.

"Take it easy," he said. "Just give yourself a couple minutes. Might need to sit tomorrow's game out."

"No," Hyunjin gasped, struggling.

Jeongin rested his hand on the captain's shoulder. "Please, Captain. You've been at it all day, even before the tournament."

Hyunjin sighed and let himself be helped up with some difficulty. He felt humiliated being helped off the court by his coach, Jeongin under his other arm.

Like he was incapable of doing it himself.

But he grudgingly accepted the waterbottle one of the other boys passed to him and he found he was glad to be sitting down, even though he'd much rather have been on the court, shooting hoops and working hard.

It felt strange to sit on the bench and watch as his teammates coordinated perfectly with each other, passing and shooting and communicating, and a strange feeling of affection and pride settled in his stomach, quelling the nausea rising in his throat and the ringing in his head.

Hyunjin knew he was prepared; he'd checked the game strategies over and over, practicing layups and his evasive techniques until he had felt like he would drop. He knew it would bear fruit, but even still, he couldn't help feeling like he could have worked harder. His teammates seemed to be doing fine in regards to the physical exertion, and he was one of the fittest on the team, so why had his body just given up on him all of a sudden?

"Jinnie, you good?"

Felix sat down next to him on the bench, gently bumping his knee with his own. He was sweaty and there was a towel around his neck.

Hyunjin hummed, not taking his eyes off the floor. "Yeah."

"You just sort of- collapsed."

"I didn't. I just felt so tired all of a sudden."

Felix took a swig of his water, exhaling. "You look really pale, man. Give yourself a break."

"I want to play."

Felix leaned back on his hands and laid one over Hyunjin's hand, which was gripping the side of the bench. "I know you do, but if you keep working so hard, you're gonna give out even worse. What are we gonna do if you drop to the floor in the middle of the game?"

Hyunjin grumbled. "The team can play without me then."

"We need our captain."

"No, you don't."

Felix looked taken aback, and perhaps a little hurt. "Jinnie, come on. Is this all because of Jisung?"

He scoffed. "No."

"Then what?"

Hyunjin gritted his teeth. "It's nothing."

"Hwang Hyunjin."

"I just don't know whether I'm good enough!" He threw his hands up. "Okay? I don't know. I haven't been doing my best."

Felix looked sad. "Hyun, you've been working harder than any of us."

"I just don't know whether it's enough."

Felix put a hand on his shoulder. "It's not about how much you can do. It's about what all of us can do. Together. You can't play basketball solo, or do anything else alone for that matter."

Hyunjin sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Then what? I know you're trying to help, but I still feel so- stuck."

Felix's voice was soft as he gazed at his friend. "Coach gave you the rest of the evening off. Take a walk or go back to the dorm and rest. Or go and talk to Y/n. Maybe she can help."

"Do you think so?"

Felix nodded. Hyunjin made to get up, nodding once to his friend in sincere thanks.

He dialled Y/n's number as he left the gym.

"So, how is it?" Y/n's voice was teasing through the phone. "Is it everything you ever dreamed of?"

Hyunjin scoffed and leaned against the railing. He was on the upper floor of the boys' dorms, leaning over over the metal bars and letting the evening breeze ruffle his hair. The lights were off too, currently, so he was bathed in a dimness that brought a strange comfort to his heart, relaxing the ache he felt in his muscles and blanketing a sense of peace over his being.

Or maybe that was just Y/n.

"Yeah, it's good."

"Just good?"

"I feel so tired for some reason," he said quietly, switching his phone to speaker mode. "I'm just worried I'm not doing enough."

Y/n's voice floated around him as he replied. It was like a warm hug. "I mean, you are captain. That comes with its own burdens and responsibilities. But you have the rest of your team to rely on too, if things go wrong."

"Felix said the same thing."

Y/n's tone became insistent. "And he's right. You don't have to do it alone."

Hyunjin scoffed again, blurting out something rather nasty. "You're one to talk."

He regretted it as soon as he'd said it; his eyebrows creased at the realisation of his own stupidity and he noticed the line had gone silent. He bit his lip.

Y/n's voice came through, softer this time. "I'm not alone. I have you, and Felix, and Jisung."

"I'm sorry, it came out so harsh, just-"

"I know, you're exhausted. You sound exhausted too. It's okay. Have you slept?"

"Not much," he said quietly, running a finger along the edge of his phone.

Y/n let out a little chuckle. "Do me a favour."

"Yeah?"

"Are you in your dorm, or your room or whatever?"

Hyunjin glanced out over the railing, the night breeze lifting his hair from his forehead and providing some much-needed relief. "No."

"Go to your dorm."

Hyunjin did as she said, letting himself fall silent save for the sound of his footsteps as he headed to his room. Shutting the door behind himself, he glanced around the dark, empty room. He switched Jeongin's little portable puppy lamp on, bathing the room in a soft, golden glow.

"Okay, I'm here."

"Open your bag. The red and black one."

He did so.

"Go to the left pocket."

Hyunjin paused, feeling suspicious. "There better not be something alive and kicking in my bag, Y/nnie."

She laughed, the sound high and pretty, though a little manic. "Nah, you're good. Go ahead, open the pocket."

Hyunjin put his phone down beside him and unzipped the inner pocket. Inside was a sleek cardboard box with a pull tab at the top and a paper of some sort. He could hear Y/n giggling away on the line.

Bringing both the items to his face, Hyunjin realised what they were. A box of Y/n's trademark colourful bandaids and a little note. He unfolded it and set the bandaid box down gently.

Good luck with the basketball tournament, Hyune! Cheering for you, just make sure you don't fall over too much. The bandaids are just in case you do. For the love of everything, make sure you take care of yourself too.

Y/n

Tears welled up in Hyunjin's eyes. "Are these for me? How- how did you do it?"

Y/n chuckled. "I got Felix to sneak them into your bag for me. Do you like it?"

"Yes, I love it. Thank you so much. I lo-"

He froze. Taking a deep breath, he fought to stay composed. His voice had gone quieter.

"I really miss you, Y/n."

"It's been a day, Hyune. Can I call you that?"

"Yeah, but still. And sure."

There was a pause on the other side of the line. Then Y/n spoke in a quiet, hesitant voice.

"I miss you too, Hyune."

Then she ended the call.

Hyunjin blinked for a few seconds, stunned. He sat down heavily and picked up the bandaid box. Y/n had doodled his signature little ferret next to the brand label and drawn a tiny heart and star next to it.

Hyunjin sat in the lamplight and cried.

"Lix, time to get up."

"Nauhh.."

Hyunjin sighed, adjusting his feet on the steel ladder of the bunk bed, and leaning over the top to look at Felix. All he could see of his friend was his fluffy, messy head of blonde hair and a stray foot poking out the bottom of the bed. He tugged lightly on a strand of Felix's hair and climbed onto the bed entirely.

Laying down next to his friend, he ignored the shouting and whining coming from the bathroom, most likely Jeongin and Jisung fighting over who got to use the bathroom first.

"Lix," he murmured, pulling the covers away. "Come on. First game of the tournament."

"I don't want to.."

Hyunjin sighed. "Would you rather stay here and sleep?"

"Duh."

Rolling his eyes and feeling no irritation whatsoever, Hyunjin brushed a gentle finger down Felix's cheek, whispering sweet nothings to him until he woke up entirely. He really did look like a sweet, sleepy chicken.

Once Felix had climbed down from his warm nest on his bunk with some gentle coaxing and promises of a biscuit from the breakfast in the main hall, Hyunjin freshened up himself, slipping on a plain dark shirt and shorts. Jisung had already left to catch them all seats and Jeongin was busy making a phone call to someone outside. Hyunjin took Felix's hand, gave it a gentle squeeze, and told him go ahead to Jisung at the main hall.

"I have something to do," he said quietly to him.

Hyunjin shut the dormitory door and sank down against it, the floor cold against his bare feet. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could do this. All he had to do was get through the day and do his best in the game.

He was the captain and the star player.

He could win one basketball game.

Exhaling, he stood and took his jersey from his bag, slipping out of his plan shirt and pulling his shorts on. He took his sneakers from their bag and opened the door of the dormitory. He began walking down the hallway, letting his bare feet pad against the concrete, socks shoved in his pocket. He rounded the corner and immediately ducked behind it, almost hitting his head on the wall. His heart pounded as he processed what he'd just seen.

Felix was standing next to the entrance to the gym, talking to a girl.

A girl.

What the heck? I thought it was just the boys' tournament here!

Peeking around the corner, he stared curiously at the girl. She was of average height with long, sleek, dark hair and a blonde streak through it. She was wearing a sleeveless jersey and a pair of shorts. There were black arm and knee pads on her joints, and some of the blonde streak in her hair was falling into her face.

She must a volleyballer. Jeongin told me a while ago that their tournament included a short stop here. Maybe that's it.

Hyunjin watched on nosily as the girl teasingly hit Felix on the shoulder, nothing more than a testing touch. He smirked as his friend blushed, laughing and responding in what looked like a shy, shaky way. The girl laughed in the same manner.

Awkward idiots, Hyunjin thought with a grin. He checked his watch; he had a couple minutes before the game commenced. Hopefully Felix would come to his mind and realise he had a team waiting for him.

Hyunjin turned and took the long way around to the court.

The gym was a hustle and bustle of different teams and coaches in a variety of different colours of uniforms, some on the court, some off. Most of the teams were split amongst their assigned courts, most training and warming up with their respective coaches. Hyunjin navigated to the back court, where his own team was, and began to help the younger members stretch and go over game tactics.

Felix came in just as everyone began to line up to bow to the other team, skidding into place next to Hyunjin, who shook hands with the other team's captain before stepping back into place.

"Forgot about the game, hmm?" He murmured, smirking.

Felix scoffed. "Forgot about breakfast, did you?"

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, keeping them then trained on the opponent's captain. "Shut up. Make sure your little girlfriend doesn't make you late next time."

Felix went red, not looking at Hyunjin as the referee went through the standard procedures for the game. "Could say the same thing about you and Y/n. But sure, I won't be late next time. Sorry, Captain."

Hyunjin playfully patted Felix's back as they took their positions on the court. Hyunjin stood, poised and knees bent, eyes fixed on the ball that the referee held between him and the opponent's power forward. He'd done this plenty of times; the ball toss was one of the reasons he was the star player of the team.

The whistle blew and Hyunjin leapt, almost feeling his opponent's chest brush against his own. He slapped it out of reach and Hyunjin landed lightly, sprinting after it and beginning to weave his way down the court with Jeongin.

Four hoops and thirty minutes later, Hyunjin sat down on the bench, congratulating his team members on their performance so far. He took a swig of water and wiped his face with a towel. The note from Y/n was tucked into the pocket of his shorts, zipped up, and Hyunjin reached a finger inside to touch it lightly.

It was like his little lucky charm.

The red numbers on the clock read five minutes left as the game resumed.

Four.

Hyunjin passed to Felix, who ducked from an opponent and passed to Jisung, who made his way down to the hoop, where Hyunjin was sprinting.

Three.

Eyes fixed on his friend and ready to receive the ball, Hyunjin took a step back, almost crossing the boundary line.

Two.

Stumbling, he ducked under his opponent's arm and stepped in front of him, eyes fixed on the ball as it flew through the air to him.

One.

Catching it and almost slipping, he leapt and shot into the hoop above him, his torso twisting awkwardly to accommodate the shot.

The buzzer rang loudly as the ball fell through the hoop. Landing, Hyunjin slipped as his opponent shoved him harshly in the ribs.

He fell hard on his side and found a smile gracing his sweaty face, though he felt winded. Trying to suck air into his lungs and almost laughing at their first victory, he struggled into a sitting position, cradling his left forearm.

Felix and Jeongin tackled him in a hug, Jisung lifting him up. Hyunjin didn't even notice, overwhelmed by the realisation that they'd won the game and the slowly increasing throbbing pain in his forearm.

Ten minutes later, Hyunjin sat in the gym infirmary, cradling his arm as the nurse wrapped a bandage around it, throwing the bleeding tissues in the bin. He'd fallen and scraped it, resulting in a nasty friction burn and an even nastier bruise. His wrist hurt a little but the nurse assured him it would fade.

Felix sat grinning in the corner, having walked him to the infirmary in the first place. He was as sweaty and exhausted as Hyunjin felt, though a disapproving glare twinged his features.

"That guy shoved you really hard," he stood and stretched after the nurse had left.

"Yup," Hyunjin grinned. He wasn't even angry, flushed with the sheen of victory. "Oh, well."

Felix peered at the bandage. "Gonna use one of Y/n's bandaids?"

Hyunjin nodded, turning his forearm over and stroking a finger along the interior, feeling the rough bandage under his fingertip. It had looked pretty bad and had bled even more, but he knew he could push on til the end of the tournament. Until he saw Y/n, he was going to work as hard as he could.

He could hold out til then.

taglist (open) : @kozumesphone @bangchansgirlsblog @ms-flowergirl @stayriversflow @hhwangsmoon @steddie-steddie

✨ send a request or DM to be added / removed !

[pinkandpurple360]

yikes at that anon lecturing you, but especially at this part

Paying attention to Stolas language in Murder Family, fucked up context aside, he don't bring up consequences if Blitz didn't accept the trade neither mentioned his power to threat him to accept it either, he offered and even asked if it's fair, someone as powerful as Stolas could control Blitz easily, yet he doesn't and it shows a lot about his character, but of fucking course you all don't care about that, Stolas is a big meanie.

what is it with Stolas fans and acting like what he says is the only thing that matters in that scene? saying 'fucked up context aside' is just trying to sweep away the entire problem people have with that scene

the context is what makes it unfair. the context is the threat to make Blitzo accept the deal - Stolas knew Blitzo was in danger and couldn't think straight and kept the call going anyway. there was a literal threat to Blitzo's life that Stolas was leveraging to get him to agree. the context is also where the control comes in - Blitzo needs access to the book therefore Stolas has control over him, because Blitzo has significant reason to agree regardless of whether he wants to or not to be able to keep being able to eat and house both himself and Loona. this isn't that hard to understand; it's no different than a power difference between a tenant and a landlord. except Stolas is worse because he's literal royalty and Blitzo is part of a species considered less than dirt

and Blitzo especially has reason to think there will be consequences for saying no because Stolas is showing him through ignoring all the signs he's in danger on that phone call that he does not care for his wellbeing - he called when Blitzo's life was in danger and he knew that full well. there's no 'yeah but'-ing to get out of that one. saying 'well Stolas could have been way more overt with his control!' is not a defense. Stolas is such a malicious abuser because he's the one person in the cast who isn't a mustache-twirling silent movie villain about it, because he'll do things like say 'sound fair?' when everything about the situation is weighted in his favor. this part is basically saying 'he could have been super obvious about how he was going to force Blitzo into sex but because he tried to pretend like he was being fair (even when he blatantly wasn't) that shows what a good person he is!'

also this:

This misconception you all have that Stolitz fans think all this needs to happen is Blitz to confess, and that Stolas has nothing more to improve is just wrong. Just plain wrong. I love both of these characters and I hate seeing an enormous mischaracterization of both.

I personally haven't seen the (remaining) Stolitz shippers saying this for one simple reason: I avoid their spaces. I don't like seeing posts similar to anon's where anything Stolas does wrong is the result of a misunderstanding or just Blitzo taking it badly because he's insecure or something, or worse where the very obvious signifiers of abuse on Stolas' part are handwaved away. I know that stuff will bug me so I avoid it

but anon clearly doesn't abide by the same rules. they're so bothered by a 'mischaracterization' of their faves that they're marching into people's inboxes to write long screeds about how antis are just missing the point or whatever else.

if there's only one anon or several my advice is the same: stay out of anti spaces. you clearly can't handle it and you need to stop making it everyone else's problem. if this ramping up of pestering people is some strange attempt to shut down criticism of the next ep before it even drops, you're wasting your time. the view counts on helluva show it's turned off a lot of people and you can't debate someone back into loving something that's let them down too many times

just go enjoy the show in your own spaces and block tags/people whose takes you don't want to see. trying to police people's critiques on helluva is both a losing battle and a waste of time

“Stolas is great if you just pay attention to his sad backstory and try not to think about the bad stuff he did. And attribute all the bad stuff to Blitz being a mentally ill tsundere”

Any time I am exposed to a owlizard shipper it’s always against my will despite my best efforts, because they are absolutely everywhere. The creator of the show is one of them, the entire show was thrown out to instead be catered to them and their headcanons. They make up almost the entire fan space and in fact shippers write and animate the very show itself.

But it’s still not good enough? They still have to rant about people that aren’t on their team?

[arcane-ish]

I have my issues with season 2 and how Vi's story went is a huge part of it (so much I wrote an entire meta just about how bad Act 3 was for her). But I find his answer fairly understandable.

"this is a story of 2 sisters"

Just because Vi wasn't the lead anymore doesn't mean the wasn't about the sisters. You can just as much read it "season 1 was the story from Vi's point of view and season 2 is it from Jinx's pov". I would read season 2 as being very much about Jinx wrestling with her relatioship with Vi and making a decision about it.

Like it’s your fucking JOB to service and write these characters to the best of your ability

That is just an odd complaint to me. Starting with: how do you know that that isn't the best of ability? Considering that he had never run a tv show before?

And I don't see how that somehow includes the mandate to never be allowed to change main characters or tell more than one story? He's allowed to love multiple characters and tell multiple stories.

If he just genuinely happens to be passionate about multiple characters why wouldn't he try to bring it all into a tv show. Especially if you read some of his other statements, he is deeply commited to the idea of doing the League of Legends experience justice where there are over 100 "main characters" and every fan group of an individual character would love to see "their" main as a lead.

It's just a normal League thing to me that you have a handful of "mains" who you all love (the way League is structured as a game usually forces you to play more than one character) and that's kind of how he reads to me.

To be honest, I genuinely blame Amanda here at least as much as him if not more. Amanda is the one who has genuine tv experience and who advertises herself as the big ViCait champion and she should have been aware that Vi not having a true status within season 2 and particularly in the finale also slightly dulls Vi and Cait as a couple. (my take: if the show was going to remove us from Vi's shoes compared to what we had in season 1, then she at least needed some wins to compensate)

IMO it is possible the gracefully go from lead character to supporting character. The problem is that even as a supporting character you need at least a an arc or a clear plan or a payoff.

You can have good and decent and appealing stories despite being a supporting character (even though the Mel fans will disagree, I think Mel is an example, as is Ekko, we can debate whether Jayce was supporting or lead. Heck even clear supporting characters like Heimerdinger or Isha whose job it was to go towards their own heroic sacrifice still had a clear progression)

I love her as a character outside of her relationship with Jinx and Caitlyn, however we didn’t get to see that this season.

I don't think the problem was that we didn't see her outside of her relationship with Jinx or Caitlyn. It's that the writers 1.) weren't really able to tie it all together as a whole. 2.) that Vi lacked agency in her relationships with Jinx and Caitlyn in many ways.

(I mean did we really see that much more of "Vi in relationships outside of Jinx and Caitlyn in season 1?" I guess you can say she Mylo/Claggor and Ekko? But in the end she was deeply defined by her relationship with Jinx in season 1 as well as her blooming relationship with Caitlyn. And we see many examples of other characters within the show who can pull off a satisfying arc despite a much smaller set of important character relationships than Vi had in season 2)

I just wanna ask him then why make vi main character!?

I can't read his mind but my assumption would be because he likes her too (as one of many) AND presumably he thought she would be a really good character to initially introduce us to the world?

I'm not saying that he doesn't have many flawed approached (I have ranted extensively at what I perceive to be as the "vignette" structure of season 2). But I can totally see why one might for example really love Jinx as a character, but think she isn't the best character to start the story with or to spend the entire season in her point of view.

Season 1 played A LOT with the idea of perception and then underminding it. And similarly they might have seen it as a cool approach to first see Jinx more through the perceptions of others and then switch towards telling her point of view.

(for what it's worth, Jinx interacting less with Vi in the last act to me feels like a consistent choice IF you read season 2 as a story from Jinx's point of view AND that it's heavily about her decision to split from Vi/to let Vi go. Within Jinx's stoy she actually still interacts quite a bit with Vi, I'd argue (it's more a problem that within the finale battle the Caitlyn versus Ambessa stuff gets a ton of room and basically doesn't tie back at all with either Vi or Jinx))

Christian has said a lot of things that makes me want to tear my hair out with how stupid I think it is. But imo this (in essence "well we love multiple characters and we wanted to tell those stories too") is imo a very human and relatable answer especially if you combine it with his other answers about how he and supposedly many other creatives were very desperate to move on after 2 seasons (actual quote: " Even key talent that works on the show that, simply put, is getting tired cranking away at this incredibly long season and project over multiple years. Don't forget that at the end of the day, this is just a collective of human beings, of people.").

(compared to his braggy "I'm proud of our season for pulling off so many varying things ... that nobody asked us to pull off" [=my paraphrasing] statement for example)

Vi season 2

Saying this about Vi, considering the fact that fundamentally the very basis of the show is about the relationship between her and Jinx is INSANE. The description for the show literally tells the audience it’s a story about two sisters and because the writers grew uninterested with one of them, they sidelined her.

I’m happy she got her happy ending, and i do believe that her writing remained consistent, my biggest issue with Vi this season was that she did feel sidelined, THAT was very obvious. I love her as a character outside of her relationship with Jinx and Caitlyn, however we didn’t get to see that this season.

Regardless if the ending stayed the same, Jinx and Vi barely interacting in the last act felt off. It’s really disappointing to see that one of the shows main and most important characters get sidelined in favour of others

anyway yeah there’s my rant bc seeing this shit on twitter has been pissing me off

[jamietwat]

Jamie and Roy spending ridiculous amounts of time together and Phoebe knowing about it definitely means that Jamie’s around Phoebe a lot more in the off-season when she’s off school and Roy’s off work but still being Jamie’s personal trainer for free (and she definitely likes bossing Jamie around just as much as Roy does and finds the ridiculous shit Roy makes him do hilarious)

And you know that thing where kids love to randomly go watch this, I can do a somersault or want to see me do a cartwheel? and then you just have to awkwardly stand there and be like wow whether they actually can do them or not (and sometimes several times in a row have to try to think of something new to say the fifth time they do the exact same thing and then look to you for a reaction)

I’m just saying at some point they’re in some park and Phoebe definitely pulls a look how good I’m getting at cart wheels, Uncle Roy! around Jamie at some point and while Roy just stands there like 🧍‍♂️ and gives compliments that gradually get more and more deadpan and debates turning it into saying how much more impressive that is than anything Jamie’s done all morning but he doesn’t because he’s 90% sure that would just lead to Jamie getting all indignant and competitive and proving he can cartwheel too as if Roy isn’t already annoyingly aware of that from when he was dying trying to keep up with Jamie in Amsterdam while he was cartwheeling and practically skipping

But obviously Roy not saying anything doesn’t matter anyway and Jamie turns it into being like watch this to Phoebe and cartwheeling too and turning to Roy after like well go on, tell me how good I am at that too

Roy deadpans somehow it’s far less impressive watching a grown man cartwheel for attention. It’s just sad, really

But Jamie isn’t offended at all and just shoots Roy an obnoxious smirk and insists you’re just saying that because you know you couldn’t do one. Even trying would probably end with you needing a hip replacement or something

But before Roy can even properly argue or say something bitchy back, Jamie’s turning back to Phoebe with a how about this then? But even though it’s her he asks, it’s Roy he looks to the moment he finishes running a few steps and doing a one-handed cartwheel

And Jamie’s like well now are you impressed??? And god, Roy resents that he is and he could make a dig about how useless of a skill it was as an adult and how that wouldn’t accomplish anything on the pitch and he’d just look like one of the kids that picks flowers on the pitch instead of playing or even paying attention to where the ball is, but instead he rolls his eyes and says yeah okay

And Jamie beams but he doesn’t have time to properly gloat and give Roy shit because Phoebe’s already bossing him around telling him that he has to teach her how to do that too

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

I've been thinking a lot about the scene involving "Clone Force 99 died with Tech" and trying to figure out why it STILL doesn't sit right with me even now, 5 months after the Bad Batch finale aired.

Because really, looking at the line and how Hunter and Wrecker respond to it from an in-universe standpoint, it does fit the specific scenario well. Crosshair is getting ever closer to Tantiss with a severely wounded Wrecker refusing to give up, and he's worried. So Crosshair drops that bombshell of a line, reminding his brothers that the squad has permanently changed, in an attempt to try to save Hunter and Wrecker by convincing them to leave him and find a way to contact Rex as he storms Tantiss on his own, because it's "what he deserves." Hunter responds by saying Omega and the clone prisoners need all of them - which (being generous with my interpretation) is likely meant to address the "I deserve to die alone" sentiment Crosshair expressed by instead providing him another purpose. Then Wrecker responds by saying they know the risks and aren't charging in recklessly - addressing Crosshair's original concern.

So I think I would ultimately be fine with this scene as-is if 1) it didn't end up being the last time the brothers ever reference Tech, and 2) it didn't come at the end of an entire season's worth of complete mismanagement regarding the Tech storyline.

Now, I admit my perception will likely permanently be colored by the fact that when first watching the finale and hearing Crosshair say that line, part of me still clung to hope that Tech would show up before the end credits, but in between heaving sobs the analytical part of my brain was going "...Really? A full season of baiting us and THAT'S how you're going to tell your audience Tech isn't coming back? If that's really the case so help me..." And we all know that really was the case 😫😤😭

(Screaming into the void. Starting to realize I do a lot of void-screaming when it comes to season 3, especially with everything after "The Return.")

But even setting aside how soul-crushingly painful that line is, what continues to drive me absolutely bonkers about it is:

1) Tech sacrificed himself so that his squad COULD carry on without him, whether that meant fighting or not, and yet again the narrative itself refuses to openly acknowledge this. Even if Crosshair isn't at a point where he can really accept this (and that's a valid stance for him to take), it would have gone a long way for the show (via Hunter or Wrecker in this case specifically) to still definitively highlight why Tech had done what he did, especially after an entire season that ended up only implying that Tech's sacrifice held the squad back from achieving their goals.

(Another fan told me that they believe the line was a good way to acknowledge how important Tech is because the squad will never be the same without him. While I see their point, I think if the show really wanted to push that sentiment it would have landed a lot better if worded a bit differently and stated during, I don't know, a memorial for Tech. With all Tech's family there. Not desperately thrown out there by Crosshair in the middle of a mission as an attempt to shock/guilt Hunter and Wrecker into saving themselves - after all, as noted above, the purpose of the line in context isn't specifically to honor Tech anyway.)

2) There's no follow up to address the fact that Tech sacrificed himself, in part, so Crosshair could still be saved - nothing to provide that vital reassurance to Crosshair that he was/is WORTH saving.

3) After an entire season of being excruciatingly vague about whether each Bad Batcher has fully grieved or not, they're STILL keeping it vague and robbing the characters of any cathartic moment to acknowledge Tech in a way that actually respects his sacrifice and shows his family - his squad - is acting to honor his memory.

4) Above all, IT'S THE ONLY TIME TECH IS REFERENCED IN THE FINALE OF THE SERIES IN WHICH HE IS A MAIN CHARACTER and it's not in a way that highlights his positive influence on his brothers, nothing to indicate that this mission to Tantiss would have been just as important to him as it is to the rest of them so they're going to pull together as much to honor him as to accomplish their objectives, nothing to make that reference anything more than a knife to the heart. (Oh, sorry, there is that goggles reference in the epilogue. With Omega, alone. Yet again, the brothers have no meaningful interaction about Tech.)

And the thing is, even if when Tech does come back (and I firmly believe he can), the show that is specifically centered around the Bad Batch should not have ended without providing meaningful closure for all of them. (Yes, I'm still banking on another clone-centric show being in the works; but Rebels clearly left the door open for further stories while still leaving things wrapped up for all the main characters at the end of that show, and that could - and should - have happened here.)

...Anyway, now that I've gotten all that off my chest, maybe I'll be a bit calmer during future rewatches of the finale 😅

... Scratch that, I'll probably need to spell out all my grievances about the CX plotline before I reach the point of watching the finale with relative calm 😬

[hood-ex]

So anyway do you ever think about when Dick was delirious with fever and how he also had a gunshot wound in his leg, but despite that, he limped all the way to his motorcycle and took off after his talk with Bruce?

Because like?? Why does this man always just drive off after he's been shot?? I know Bruce didn't even realize that Dick left mid-conversation, but he really just let Dick take off like that without going after him or sending anyone to check on him?? I mean, Dick was so bad that Alfred full named him and demanded that he get back in bed to rest.

Nightwing (Vol. 2) #99

Dick clearly shouldn't have been moving around let alone driving his bike. And it's like, Bruce, I know you just lost your whole family/team but please try to keep your remaining family from crashing in the street.

[sincerely-sofie]

I’m the anon that sent in all the Ruby stuff! It makes me so happy that you love her so much. I didn’t expect her to be such a beloved character to you and I was kind of nervous that you would have hated her tbh. ^^;

Something Ruby related — I had a fic about Twig and co. confronting the siblings before I ultimately scrapped it because I could not write villainous characters without making them feel cliché. I do remember this one line said by Ruby’s sister when she lashes out towards Twig:

“You wouldn’t get it. You have a cushy life style and you baby your daughter instead of actually raising her. We’re doing that ungrateful, spoiled brat a favor — we’re teaching her how to survive. You wouldn’t know the meaning of that with that silver spoon in your mouth.”

I don’t blame you for struggling with not making the siblings feel cliché— writing villainous characters gets 900x more difficult the second you don’t want to make them sympathetic. Ark was fairly simple for me to write, even in scrapped scenes where he was all-in with his villainous role during the events of the post-game. Twig’s aunt, meanwhile, gave me a heck of a hard time while I was developing her backstory.

[razzle-zazzle]

you need to STOP IT with these ho/me/stu/ck aus. first psychonauts, now ninjago? STOP! BONKING YOU WITH A NEWSPAPER!

NOOOOO DON'T BONK ME!!! it won't stop me unfortunately, i love adding hs trolls to things 😌

anyway 💅 alternia as another realm within the 16 and maybe there was an invasion of ninjago at some point in the past, i'm still working out details. but the basic gist is a bunch of trolls immigrated to ninjago and honestly between the serpentine and munce and geckle and merlopians and the occasional skulkin and also the fucking. floating jaguars and boogie bears and everything else they fit right in tbh. they mostly keep to themselves but there is a bit of mingling between humans trolls and serpentine (up until the serpentine war at least), but trolls as elemental masters is next to unheard of given that trolls and humans can't really reproduce together that way.

except when wu goes to find all the holders of the elements of creation for the green ninja prophecy, well. Colton Bekkit and Nya are very obviously trolls, and wu knew that his brother had somehow managed to have a son with Tomeseek. what he wasn't expecting was for the masters of ice and lightning to have been raised by trolls, too. things are about to get chaotic (colton ends up crushing on the other three in three different quadrants pretty much. immediately. nya and kai had to raise each other and so nya's not really in touch with troll culture. things are only going to go off the rails from there)

[yuukimiyas]

GOOD MORNIE WORLD!!! startin my day off v early & v strong bc!!! EEEP!!!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡ i just got the first sketch back for my bleach tattoo!!! it looks SO SO GOOD SO FAR!! he started so quick like bunnies too!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ i can’t wait to see it in color!!!

[thrilling-oneway]

Also shout out to the person who said in the tags of that airi post who said that half the debates in this fandom are over gender or sexuality because that’s true and it pisses me off immensely

[mad-hunts]

let me psychoanalyze you, but also be nice.

you're unbelievably lonely.

maybe the teacher always sat next to you on the bus because it was the only open seat on field trips. maybe you were the fourth kid in the group project who was only there because they needed one more person. maybe you spent all of 7th grade lunch in the library. i think it's important to remember that it won't always be like that. it might take longer than expected but nobody is alone forever. sometimes it's hard to remember that just because you've felt unloved before, it doesn't mean you're unloved now.

tagged by: i found this one on tumblr as well LOL

tagging: @oculusxcaro, @divingdownthehole, @veroxins, @killerharvey, @sanguine-salvation, and anyone else who might like to take this quiz!

[audiio]

another big Karl Gauss Moment

[tic-loud-tic-proud]

New coworker is making almost twice as much as I am while having worked here for less than a week

[tj-crochets]

Hey y’all! I have another kind of weird question for you. I’m weirdly feeling kind of homesick for like fast food chains from the west coast that aren’t on the east coast, and I’m especially missing being able to get decent like meat-and-rice bowls from a variety of places East coast/southern US people, do you have any recommendations for good chain restaurants* that are not available in California? (for people who weren’t here for my “oh no I’m moving how do I handle cold” posts, I moved from California to Tennessee last year) It does not have to be places with rice bowls, that’s just the main thing I’m missing. Well, that and good burritos?  *I do eat at small local places when I can, but I have uncommon allergies and it’s frequently easier for me to get an accurate ingredients list from a chain restaurant because they have a customer service division. Also it’s hard to get recommendations for local places without specifying exactly where I am lol

[cosmojjong]

gloomy thoughts :(