#...and give my mom strength
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Probably the social media where people know me best... at least outside of Facebook and oddly that's not my first thought.
So uh... my mom's in the hospital. She's used to me throwing up prayers to other deities on her behalf too, so if anyone wants to go to Eir for her that would be okay too, or Jesus since she's Christian herself anyway...
But uh.
She had a spider bite from a brown recluse back in January. She reacted badly from the treatments too, it got a secondary infection, and... she went septic. As in, even the blood is infected. She can't manage to sit up and is on ice chips and fluids even though she's clear to eat (and honestly she hadn't thought of asking for the ice chips until I mentioned them, only that she couldn't sit up to sip water properly).
So yeah. Uh... prayers plz.
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This is the first time I've been able to watch an episode of maws as it airs so here's my take on S2E6!
• Clark is actually being mean and sassy and I love him for it like yes bby please wake up in a better mood next time you were kidnapped not murdered
• I didn't realize in the preview clip that aired a few days ago but Kara's eyes grey out even when she says "model citizen" at the beginning of the episode!
• the look when Clark sees Lois : (( the poor boy didn't even have time to process the breakup before he got knocked out and thrown into space but also she was the first thing he thought of when Kara asked if anyone cared for the real him :((((
• Clark says ow when he fights with Kara over the Polaroid! It's so natural that it took me a second to realize that he probably doesn't normally feel pain from playful roughhousing??
• the fact that Clark immediately clocks Kara the way Jimmy clocked him and Lois. The little shimmer in his eye when he asks if she likes him
• "what, no, what? I don't even know what that means. Stop being all weird with your stupid earth brain" this whole sequence makes me REALLY REALLY look forward to a post-brainiac maws where Clark and Kara can just be cousins in metropolis together (which I fully believe the maws crew will make happen)
• Cousin snowball fight I cryyy
• For a second I almost believed we were actually going to see space traveling and new planets but makes sense
• ok it's been lowkey before this episode but is Clark actually kryptonian super saiyan I don't know the lore
• Kara actually did genocide while brainwashed oh no
• I'm sorry I'm sorry WHAT Jimmy and Lois both 1. Found MM and the brain from the OTHER DIMENSION they traveled to and 2. WENT INTO SPACE TO FIND CLARK my joy is unending I love this show
• Clark is actually going to be used as a weapon nooo poor boy just wants to help I can't handle a world where the maws version of Clark Kent is a murderer :((((
Final thoughts, love! The maws crew is already doing such a good job of making Clark and Kara feel like cousins and I'm so happy she's in the show even though I was honestly hesitant about it at first. The next episode is called Olsen's eleven and once again I am. My joy is immeasurable. I love this show. I love that we get to experience it every week instead of all at once because now I get to comb through all the small animation details while I waitt!!! I'm just sad there were no phones in this episode because HOW will I know if it's still Monday may 9th now???
#i mean seriously at one point it was november 11th they could throw ANYTHING at us at ANY time#and i didnt even talk about how clark got so happy when he found out his moms name is Lara like :((#give this man a fortress of solitude he needs to have something he can hold onto#i do love how he pushed back on the catch memory being about repression#but like IS IT?#be so real with me how do you think the maws crew will play the repression/true self thing#personally i'd be like “its not repression for me to learn how to not break someone in half when i hug them??”#and post-brainiac they will probs have kara antics about reigning in her strength so yay#my adventures with superman#maws#maws season 2#maws spoilers#maws season 2 spoilers#my adventures with superman season 2 spoilers#my adventures with superman spoilers
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i hate when people ask me stupid questions 😭 use your common sense bro, PLEASE.
“hey, are you using that?” as i’m using that. “are you busy?” after i’ve texted them that i am, indeed, busy. “is this yours?” as i’m holding onto it. “are you done eating?” as i’m clearly not done eating because i’m still chewing, spoon in hand, and rice on the plate.
#I CANNOT PLEASE#YA ALLAH GIVE ME STRENGTH#I HATEEEEEEE STUPID QUESRIONS THEY PISS ME OFF#idk if it’s because of what#because i have common sense#or because#idk#but incompetence and lack of understanding is gonna ruin society#IT ALREADY IS#WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME IF IM DRINKING THAY IF I CLEARLY AM?????#am i missing something here#like is this just me#do people do this and accept this#am i the issue#i don’t think i am tbh#today. a kid (18) asked me if i was done with my dessert. take in. i was NOT. i had only taken two bites and was holding the plate#BEFORE I COULD RESPOND HE GRABBED AND TOSSED IT????#HUH????#HE DID THE DAME THING TO MU MOM AND HER CHAI#MY BROTHERS ALWAHS ASK ME THE STUPIDEST QUESTIONS#YALL WILL NOT SURVIVE IN THE REAL WORLD!!!#anyways#got heated there for a sec damn#enha!me
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⟢ highlight of the hour: the good bad mother [3/14] ⟣
irreplaceable
#the good bad mother#korean drama#lee do hyun#mygif#mmkfav#tgbmhoth#this scene#this scene absolutely broke my heart#mom was trying her best to stay strong and to not appear weak in front of anyone#but our two neighborhoods ahjusshi's comforted her and reminded her of how strong she was#i loved the way they sat down next to her to keep her company and give her strength#she was really going thru it but they showed her their support#its ok to be vulnerable#its ok to not always have it together#its ok to ask for help and to admit that things are tough#sooo many good messages and lessons conveyed in this scene#its not gonna be easy but mom will get through it#the way i wanted to CRY watching this scene#it really broke me#:((
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can i be honest. nicholas did well enough and clearly they cast him in rw&rb for a reason but he is just Not giving "gay as a maypole" imo. meanwhile taylor is over here with the tender unconscious bg touches and REAL kissing and hip thrusts and grabbing at him, really serving that bisexual king alex & "i'm just as comfortable kissing male coworkers as i am female coworkers" realness. watch nicholas in the idea of you and then watch rw&rb. he put his whole actorussy in kissing ms hathaway and yet none of that flavor and raw intimacy is found in his gay shit............. so very sad to see. i hope this will not be the case in the sequel :/
#i finally watched it a year later and this is my review#watched it alone and then watched it with my mom and i still feel the same way#it felt..... neutered on his end for me#like there was no flavor. no raw energy. no sexuality. he was kissing that man yes but he was not KISSING that man#and him being straight is no excuse bc there's so many other straight actors that really acted the fuck out tht gay shit they were in#so like 😐😐😐😐😐😐#im not giving him a pass just bc he's white and not ugly!!!!!!!!!! idgaf!!!!!!!! i was promised gay shit and i would like to see it .#not even pitting two bad bitches against each other either bc they both got their strengths n weaknesses#i could be forever spoiled by other stellar performances of lgbt intimacy on screen..... but this is still how i feel :p
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straight up i was talking to my mom about inservice where we all had to swim a 200. no cap no goggles which is relevant to me as someone w 3 foot hair. and i was like yeah i almost beat everyone except a couple men because they have short hair lol. and my mom was like 'um.. and because theyre boys? 🙂' NO CHIEF lmfaoooo. and then she started yapping about lia thomas 🥴🥴
#the budget for her mothers day gift next year: 📉📉📉#i mean. what haha 😀#when i say this i mean the dudes that beat me were hitting flip turns and the first time i tried the end of my ponytail got in my face#it was drastic#ALSO on a more serious note.. how the fuck does this happen to you within like. 15 years of fox news#once again she used to be a bodybuilder 💀 why the fuck would she now be like#'it sucks that you had to swim with men instead of a special training for delicate little girls 🥺🥺' like?????#i think that she acts like i cant be strong/athletic because shes limiting herself to the role of sensible babysitter income source#but women especially older women/mothers can still be strong and thats a thing they can be known for/best at#shes just projecting her role in the family onto me because she doesnt feel satisfied in that role#but with all due respect thats not me.#im a fairly strong and independent teenager and i will not be stuck always second place to men#just because my mom has no faith in the strength of (perceived) women.#in addition i refuse to go into the role of the sensible babysitter because i dont have better self control by virtue of being a woman#that myth just serves to excuse the behavior of men lmao#and finally let the record show that i dont give a fuck about my moms perception of me#say it with me: i am objectively better than anyone who would tell a 16 year old that boys are always stronger than girls
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soooo happy for mexico omg
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holy fuck i've had such a stressful weekend and a schedule change for my classes this week so that's even more stressful but also i think i'm being recruited into a cult and i'm freaking out!! 😍😍😍😍 i meet with them today and oh man i hope to god i'm wrong!! <33
#i've been both simultaneously on edge and exhausted this past week.#i hope im wrong but. fuck man im freaking out. at least we're meeting in a public place. i hope im WILDLY wrong#im probably overthinking its probably just nothing. maybe i should shut up i dont know#BUT WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE TODAY. WHEN I HAVE CLASSES BY MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS ARENT HERE.#if i suddenly stop posting and i abandon this account for a month consider me dead /j#dear lord god (praying to christoph schneider) please give me strength.#what am i talking about. im WILDLY overreacting shut up jeg its nothing#mom jeg is posting again
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Let's not do that actually, yeah?
#it is hilarious how quickly my “mom” can ruin my mood#i went from extatic(?? words) to brain coming up with bad ideas in under 10 seconds#why? she wants me to go to the second apartment with her. ans is getting upset that I'm refusing. despite the fact i told her I'm not going#over an hour ago#tw vent#gods give me strength to not do anything about this
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Hello you know what time it is time for a work update no one cares about except maybe Catherine and Beth my beloveds
#so our pos system changed i think#but they've been having problems with it#also i have to do some training videos for it that i didn't have time to get to last week and now i havr to do them today lol#the manager said he was coming in this morning to try to fix stuff lol and his car is still here so :) probably a bad sign#that things are Not Going Well so far#whatever tho. as long as i can clock in i dont have to deal with it till the end of the day lol#oh and :) my mom and my sister are probably bringing harley in to give her a bath today#bc we have a cool self serve dog wash thing#that'll be fun :)) i love seeing Harley more than normal skfjdk i love her#otherwise. no too nervous for the day? but kinda feel like. smth is gonna happen :/#hopefully im wrong skjhskbdj#swifties give me strength!!!!!!!#see yall at lunch!!!!#she was a baker girl#harley#my dog#mutuals 💖
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I find it pretty funny how at least half of my posts have tags as long or longer than the post itself
#the tags are where the real interesting thoughts go#this is my rambling place#I can think of at least 5 posts only 1-2 sentences long with like 20 tags#I’m a court jester. how good I am at that job is up for debate - but I’m a jester nonetheless#am I adding meaningless tags to this post for the bit? yes. yes I am.#but have I don’t this many many times not on purpose? also yes. yes I have.#seriously just browse my og post tag that proof is all there#anyway. how y’all been?#rn I’m drawing fan art and posting on tumblr instead of doing my school work#my mom says my cat smells like shit but I can’t smell anything and his butt is clean#to be fair to her my sense of smell is at like 5% strength at all times#pre Covid it was like 20% and then I was doomed to only smell the strongest stuff in the world for the rest of my life#I can’t smell candles unless I snort it so close the flames burn my nose hairs#so instead I buy incense#cause I can smell that without getting burned#my mom hates it cause it gives her a headache#I have learned how to taste medium strength smells to compensate#like a fuckin snake#kinda like how some blind people learn echolocation#I can smell the litter box though! I hate it!#like thanks universe; of all the few things I can smell you make me Suffer#I also hate cleaning dishes cause of that because damp old food being washed down the drain to coagulate together right in front of my face#it smells awful and I’d rather not that be the only thing I smell all day#so instead I just put dishes away#I also hate vacuuming#not for smell reasons; our vaccum just sucks and it turns really easily and runs away from me#I’d rather use a broom; they’re predictable#and if shit gets in the carpet I’ll crawl around with a tiny hand vacuum#oh look I reached tag limit. nice.#randum thots
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Tomorrow I will go to work and right now I have such a fever that I wet my mattress... I’m definitely going to work tomorrow even if I have to contaminate them all I don’t give a damn I need my full month salary
We are all dying together
#text#sécurité sociale ain’t shit I lost 80% of my salary last month being on sick leave and now I’m in need for money#so yeah I don’t give a damn#the morale of this experience is to save a lot of money in case of#anything literally anything#my mom almost dying and me having to cover everything was not on my bingo#just save months worth of money kids in case of anything#you have to find the strength to save money while having small pleasures (a 8€ iced chai latte with oat milk)#I don’t want to overspend on non necessary things BUT THE PARASITES IN ME#it’s not a matter of living humbly it’s a matter of surviving my dreadful existence#that’s why I over spend#I have to find another coping skill#fr#we will try to find a solution with my psychologist#teamwork (me doing 85% of the work)
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hehe i’m doing another conkwest run :33 im going to beat it on classic mode for real!! (normal difficulty cuz im still kinda bad) here’s my corrin oc (the corrin customizer + the matchmaking make this game very tempting to revisit every time)
things have been pretty easy, probably because i’ve been prompted to actually think more bc of the higher stakes 🫠 i’ve also been using mozu more, for once, as i usually bench her once i get her and only use her for marriage stuff. but this time im actually investing in her and she’s been very helpful for these first few chapters
azura too! i’ve been watching a lot of excelblem and in his conquest ironman he trained azura to level 35 in her join chapter so she would be stupid overleveled for all new files that use branch of fate and i kinda did the same 😭😭 wasn’t insane enough to slog through 35 levels but i got her to level 25, reclassed her to a kinshi knight, and OUUUGH she’s been doing so so good for herself.
i plan on marrying keaton on this route, cuz i like him!!! and velouria too :3
#mayor talk#i normally (always) marry keaton to camilla because velouria is utterly cracked with her as her mom#definitely levied some pressure off the latter portion of my first conquest run i finished#but i think velouria with my avatar will still be pretty good. my avatar has a boon in strength#which i think helps velouria a lot.#also i may be doing some underhanded strategies to keep this run cozy#i have the dlc so i reclassed corrin into a dread fighter [i haven’t used this class before believe it or not 😭😭]#i usually only use the witch seal and also exclusively use it on ophelia but i’m likely not getting her this run#had to bench odin 😔😔 ophelia’s one of my favorite kids but it had to be done#so idk who to give the witch seal to this time around. might try making a magic oriented nina#or just give it to nyx. hmm…..#MAN i know the child mechanic in fates is goofy and makes no sense but from a gameplay standpoint it’s fun as hell
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#god give me strength to deal with my misogynistic and fatphobic brother#fucking hurts every time he makes negative comments about women#and thinks it doesn't affect me or my mom#it's seriously fucked to me#my mom might be stronger than me but it's fucked#i hate it#genuinely don't know what to do anymore#i care about him but things like this makes me so...#it doesn't even feel like i have a brother anymore#boggles my mind how he has a girlfriend#one day his words are gonna bite him in the ass and i'll be waiting for it
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Task successful (failed)
#ra speaks#personal#le sighhhhh#talked to my mom today abt what’s happening in Palestine and she seemed on board and agreeing like hey maybe she can be normal abt this#and then she sends me a like about Ben shapiro’s pro-Israeli aid group like ….#girl you did not understand the assignment when I said I wanted to look into ways to directly help Palestinians#*head in hands* apparently my uncle sent it which is in character for him but. anyways. back to feeling isolated from my whole family onthis#google search ‘how can I explain to my mom that I don’t care about the hamas attack I care about the israeli genocidal response’#solution: baiting my mom into reading decolonize Palestine articles while I watch shapiro’s video and make a note everytime he uses#a propaganda framing device/straight up lies#also give me strength shapiro’s voice drives me fucking bonkers I just. do not like his vibes.
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Well, forget about the peaceful Saturday I was daydreaming about. As it always happens with my mom, she did her best to rattle and unsettle my spirits.
I was watching instagram reels in bed to tag my bf in, when she came into my room and sat on the bed next to me. Her footsteps sounded so rushed when I heard her walking towards my room that I thought she had something important to tell me, but she just came to hang out. And I could feel that something terrible was coming by the way she was stroking my hair, forcefully or forced, idk how to describe it. Mechanically almost. And then she asked me what I usually do on Saturdays. I told her I just lie in bed until noon, have a meal, chill inside or go for walks if it's nice outside. She then asked me if I don't feel bad spending my time alone, and I said no, I like being alone. The truth is that I'm almost never alone, because most of the time I'm on video calls with my boyfriend, or hanging out with my coworker. But I didn't even get to say that, because she asked me "wouldn't you like to find a boyfriend in that city?" I was like...? Huh? What for? Well, just to spend time and hang out and go on walks with... And just have a boyfriend. :-) I said well, I have a boyfriend. She replied "but he doesn't live in that city!" oh, I need one for every city? She was like "for all you know he could have someone else in his own city too". I was so mad I started shaking, I asked her why she would say something like that to me when she doesn't know anything about him, us, or me for that matter. She doesn't know our relationship, she's never cared about it, now suddenly she's worrying about me and who I spend my time with in my city? How can she say that to my face so casually like a joke, then smile? That is truly psycho behaviour and I shut that shit down immediately. She apologized (well, not really, she just told me to not be mad at her and tried to change the topic) and told me to tell my bf to take care of me. Like thanks, he's really gonna appreciate that after you just implied that he's cheating on me and suggested I do the same. Anyway, after this she told me the story of how she discovered that my stepdad had a mistress and about how so many ppl tried to tell her about it but couldn't because of him. And how they had so many fights because of that. I wanted to tell her to not allow this betrayal to project her insecurities and bad experiences onto me, but I just couldn't find the words, and we had to whisper so as to not be heard by him. It's terrible, I know she skipped some details because she also told me this story via text, and there were some truly truly barbaric and mind-shattering aspects of it. But after our discussion from before I couldn't find it in me to feel as terrible for her as I should have, or to display the affection she might have needed. I just started tweezing my eyebrows 💀 like, she could just put her money where her mouth is and divorce him like she did with my cheating dad, but then her living/housing situation would just worsen. I mean, not tragically, but she would have to move back home with grandma, and the last time she had to do that she got super depressed. I know that because we shared a room 🙃 and, well, it would just be really sad. I get it. Plus, I don't think my stepdad is still fooling around, although you can never know. She told me "men are just like that" as a justification for why she said that hurtful thing, and while I know she was just projecting and she was also kinda right, I just don't feel like it's the thing to say about a relationship you know next to nothing about, your daughter's relationship at that.
#anyway it's just one of those things that casually ruined my saturday - it's always the saturdays somehow#after that she literally just got up and left#like okay thanks for that i guess? so good being here again!#thinking about the fact that i spent 2 years just like this. every week & weekend was just like this#every interaction with her had potential to end up in this subject: her giving me anxiety and paranoia over something - anything#and then abruptly ending the conversation like that's all folks! good luck ruminating on that 😁#i have the consolation that it's a temporary visit this time and i'll be resuming my routine in a couple days which gives me#an enormous amount of strength like i don't even register what's happening to me here im literally just vibing#don't care didn't ask plus my safe apartment is waiting for me 🤗✌️♥️#anyway im not gonna stay mad at her. but i might tell my boyfriend about it#he already knows not to expect much consideration affection admiration appreciation support etc. from my mom/family#from that one discussion we had on dec 1st 2020 :-) he said it himself! but i just feel like telling someone like i feel like it's not#normal at all to hear stuff like this from ur mom of all people
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