#... obviously people are free to do whatever they want and it's gross to be like

[maxwelljacobfriedman]

I was today years old when i found out cora jade used to be elayna black

[kisses4reid]

understand? pt. 1 | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,,

summary - you’re a polyglot translator assigned to work for the bau in a cross-national case, and there’s a doctor who wants to impress you.

genre - fem!reader, SHE/HER r, fluff, meet cute, you know more than spencer and he’s attracted to that

warnings - you're both awkward, mentions of gross case file photos, little research about polyglots actually done so there are inaccuracies, cliffhanger for part 2.

w/c - 1.4k

a/n - thank you for the req anon!! there was multiple parts to this but i really like the first idea so that’s what this fic is about, might keep the other idea for later hehe. i did change some aspects. love you, thank you for the support <33 there will be multiple parts!!! stay tuned!!!

req - hi pia 💞💝🩷💓 how r u? i hope you’re feeling wonderful! this is my first time requesting smthg i apologize if i get something wrong! i’ve been having 2 thoughts about spencer x fem!reader, where reader is a russian translator and idk they meet cute or she has to work with the bau helping them on a case. just wanted to give these ideas to you, obviously feel free to do anything with them! i really enjoy your work and your writing is incredible! i have your notifications on so i am always reading whatever you post! have a great day pia 💝 lots n lots of kisses for u!

This was not what you expected. 

You, a woman in your late twenties that spent most of her time in a room listening to voices and decoding foreign messages, didn’t know what you expected. But this: a scary boss, an italian old man, and a skinny college kid, was not it. 

“Y/n L/n? I’m Aaron Hotchner, the unit chief, and this is Agent Rossi and Doctor Agent Reid.” 

You nodded your head, thick hair covering your top eyelashes as you glanced at the men. Agent Rossi shook your hand, and Dr Reid simply stood and gawked at you. To be honest, it made you worried. You had been warned this was a close knit team, that they trusted each other more than anything and that you shouldn’t get attached to any of them as you’d only be assisting them for one case.

Maybe they just didn’t warm up to new people. 

“I’ll do your formal introduction to the rest of the team now, if you’re settled down.” He asks cooly. You like the way his voice rasps, it’s assertive yet comforting. 

“Yes, of course. I can’t wait.” You smiled reassuringly at the unit chief, not ignoring the raised eyebrow you received from the silent young man now behind you.

Aaron Hotchner, your new boss for the next week or so, lead you to a large room with a circular table sat in the middle. There were two other women, one blonde and one raven haired, and another bald man that glanced at you immediately after you entered. They smiled at you and trailed your steps to where you stood beside the unit chief in front of a large TV screen.

“Everyone, this is Agent Y/n L/n. She’ll be assisting us with the Becker case you’ve all been informed of. She’ll mainly be our translator and interpreter, but she’ll also be useful for cultural identifiers and anything that we wouldn’t notice otherwise.” 

You nodded along, never being a fan of introductions since you moved to America as a small child. 

“This is JJ, our liaison, Agent Emily Prentiss and Agent Derek Morgan.” 

The ladies smiled at you, in fact all of them did. They were surprisingly open to the fact you would be joining them, the fact made your shoulders loosen and a breath to be let out discreetly. 

Next, you were on a long plane flight to Maine with Agents you had known for little under two hours, conversing about victim profiles and motives. The table in front of the ladies and your boss was strewn with victim files and gruesome photos. And while you weren’t a stranger to the dangers and violence the job brought, you had gotten comfortable with only hearing about it and not seeing it. So you opted to hover around the table and stay silent, you weren’t a trained profiler after all, just a translator.  

There was a wave of cologne that disrupted your senses, causing you to angle your head back, only to be greeted by the tall doctor. 

You smiled softly, assuming the closeness was due to the aeroplane's arrangement. Also because you got the vibe that Spencer didn’t like you. 

“Are you okay? You seem uneasy,” he asked. It was the first time you heard his voice. And it was as adolescent as you imagined for someone so young, but it had a sophisticated edge to it, with a honey-like undertone. Finding things in voices as if they were perfumes was something you unconsciously started to do since working as a translator.

“I’m fine.” You grinned reassuringly, turning back to focus on the team’s findings. 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows slightly and stepped away, sitting down beside Morgan who had taken a seat at the back. Morgan squinted at his friend, noticing the rare confusion splayed on his face as he stared in your direction. 

“What’s up? Pretty girl got your tongue?” Morgan removed his headphones with a cheeky smile displayed on his handsome face.

“For someone who specialises in languages she doesn’t talk much.” 

Morgan smirked, “Maybe not to you.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong though.” Spencer ripped his gaze off the back of your head.

“You’ve been staring at her since she walked through those doors. You were so distracted you didn’t even greet her this morning.” Morgan pointed out. Spencer tilted his head confused, a small blush creeping up his neck. “I watched the whole thing from the conference room, so did JJ and Emily.” 

The tall boy slumped in his chair and forced himself to look out of the plane’s window, avoiding a reply to Morgan as he knew it would only result in more teasing. You were physically attractive, everyone could see that, but the thing that caught Spencer’s attention was your intelligence. He was no stranger to being a polyglot, he learnt languages for fun, but you were simply next level. Morgan studied Spencer’s face for a second before raising his attention to your hovering state. “Agent Y/n L/n.” Morgan called, causing Spencer to widen his eyes and immediately adjust his slumped position in his plane seat. You turned your head in surprise, slightly confused why you would be needed anywhere else than the files you had been translating for the past two minutes. Your heels were silent against the carpeted floors, but Spencer could sense your presence anyways. 

“How many languages do you speak?” The stoic man asked, his eyes darting between you and the doctor below you. You were not short, your genes didn’t allow for it, but you had noticed you were only taller than JJ and Rossi in the team and it felt foreign to not tower over everyone. “Um, I speak 8 languages fluently, and 4 languages semi-fluently.” You stated, readying to turn back to assist the team before Morgan spoke up once again

“Did you know that pretty boy can speak Spanish and German?” 

Before Spencer could help himself, he corrected the man, “And Latin and Russian,” Spencer turned his head up to you, “But I can understand more.” 

You smiled, genuinely impressed and confused on how a man that young could learn that much. But to be fair, you were in the same boat. The nickname got your attention, locking it in the back of your mind to remind yourself that the people you were working with did in fact have senses of humour, and weren’t just heartless officers. There wasn’t any reason to think that though, as you had been cared for with respect and even Prentiss made a funny remark beforehand. It sort of felt like a family dinner you were intruding on. “That’s impressive, Doctor Reid.” You reply genuinely. 

“I mean it’s nothing compared to you though,” his voice was pitched slightly higher and his hands started motioning to nothing in particular, “your brain is constantly changing from high activity to low activity when you're translating from one language to another. Your language network, the lateral frontal lobe, is constantly lighting up and dimming down depending on what language you hear, ordinary people’s language networks only turn on and off.” 

Morgan smirked and glanced up at your intrigued and surprised expression. You nodded, a small blush coating the tips of your ears as you responded, “Thank you.” You didn’t really know what else to say, which is funny for someone who understands so many languages, so you simply smiled and turned back to the table. Spencer slumped again, watching you walk away and asking himself why he would inform a pretty girl about her own brain, when she most definitely already knows about it. 

“Don’t worry too much, Reid.” Morgan called, grabbing Spencer’s attention. The boy raised a brow, not understanding. “She digs it, I can tell. But she’s just like you, knows how to speak in a million ways and still doesn’t know how to small talk.” 

You landed without any more awkward interactions, and got introduced to some sheriffs in Maine, one of them giving you a tighter handshake than the rest and a stare that could only mean unpleasant things. It wasn't something sexist or creepy that lingered in his eyes, it was more like hatred. Spencer took the sheriff's attention away from you after noticing what the whole team did, and asked him to show him the records they kept at the precinct.

Emily Prentiss came up behind you and placed a hand on your upper arm, squeezing it like she understood what you had thought you'd seen. Out of everyone else in the team, she would understand the most.

taglist (open!!): @jeffswh0re @reap3erslov3 @candyd1es @0108s22m @aurorsworld

[o0sleepingdead0o]

Prepared for Anything

Part 2, MasterPost

Danny stared at the ceiling, bored, as the creepy clown laughed manically at a camera. Danny hadn’t been in this dimension for two minutes, (he’d portalled directly into Joker’s hideout) before he was promptly tied to a chair. He could get out of it easily.

Thing was, there were others here, restrained more thoroughly than Danny. They wore colourful, armoured suits and were obviously the vigilantes/heroes of this. . .place—Gotham? Danny’d heard the name mentioned a few times now—This Freakshow wannabe was obviously one of their villains. 

Danny had been hoping someone would show up without having to draw attention to himself. What was this dimension’s stance on halfas? Or ghosts?

But no one had come yet, it had been an hour, and he was getting stiff from sitting here so long without being able to move his limbs.

Danny heaved a loud, exasperated sigh-groan at the ceiling. The guy, face-painted like a toddler who’d gotten into their parent’s make-up, suddenly stopped monologuing. 

Good. It was getting annoying.

“Are you done yet?” Danny complained much like the impatient teenager he was. “I’ve got crap to do, wrap it up, would you?”

Danny came here to explore. He was not exploring. He should be exploring and it was all this dude’s fault.

Danny supposed he could go all ghost on him and bounce, but he came all this way. It wasn’t much of hassle, but still. Danny was stubborn. He knew this.

The warehouse was silent. The creepo wasn’t talking, anymore, he wasn’t doing anything, and Danny deigned to lift his head from where it’d been thrown back on the chair.

The costumed people were looking at him in horror.

Danny wasn’t sure why.

The walking fashion disaster began to cackle with condescending amusement.

Yeah, okay, whatever.

Danny ignored the man’s delve into something about Danny’s impending doom, or threatening him with pain, and something, something, something. Something about broken this, burning that, yada, yada yada, when Danny got an idea.

Behind the chair where his hands were bound, knowing no one was behind him, he quietly broke the ropes on his wrists. The vigilantes—a red one with bandoliers crossing over his chest and one who wore a largely grey and black suit with an R emblem on the left side of his chest—were valiantly trying to dissuade the psycho to leave Danny alone, who now realized the said psycho was coming towards him, carrying a crowbar.

How original.

The Joker, as Danny heard someone call him at some point, he’s not sure when, leaned in close. His breath stank. 

Danny made a disgusted face. “Do you not brush your teeth at all? Gross, dude.”

“You won’t be mak—“

Danny punched him in the jaw. The guy went down pretty easily. 

Danny made an annoyed noise as he bent down to untie his ankles from the chair legs. He muttered to himself. “Stupid villains, always gotta get in the way, why can’t I just have one nice vacation, huh?”

“How did you do that?” 

Danny looked up at the red one. “Do what?” He asked, standing and stretching with satisfying pops.

“Get free.”

“Oh. . .” Danny reached into his hoodie sleeve and pulled out a small hand saw. He guessed he coulda used a knife, but it was the first thing he'd thought of.

The guy spluttered. “You just keep a saw in your sleeve?”

“Yep.” Danny popped the P. No need for them to know he can make portals. As tiny as needed. “You guys want help out of those, or what?” Danny gestured to the chains keeping the two bound on the floor.

“No, Joker’s goons outside probably has the keys, we have back-up. . . .coming. . . .where did you get that?”

Danny didn’t miss a beat as he crouched to get a grip on the chain with the large pair of bolt cutters. “Ah, ya know, never leave home without a good pair of bolt cutters.” He offered. The room they were in was pretty bare, saying he found it “lying around” wouldn’t work. It’d be pretty obvious.

“That is absurd.” The younger one said. “Where did they come from?”

Danny snapped the red one free and moved onto the angry eyebrows one. How did they still emote so well through those masks? “Just had it on hand.”

“But wh—“

“Oh look! There ya go! I gotta go, nice being held hostage with y'all.” Danny ignored their calls for him, climbing out of the nearest window and disappearing.

[freedomfireflies]

Lead Me*

Summary: An extra for Teach Me*

You're on your period and your best friend Harry is determined to help you feel better.

Your only condition?

He's not allowed to look.

Word Count: 5.1k

*Contains Mature and Explicit Content. Take care of yourself first, only consume what you feel comfortable with!💞*

“Absolutely not.”

“Bee…come on—”

“No. Nope. Not happening.”

“And why not?”

“Because…it’s…just, no.”

“Leading experts say that sex can help with cramps.”

“…okay? And?”

“And…I think you should let me fuck your cramps away.”

Your expression falls, eyes narrowing into condescending slits. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am,” he says calmly, nodding once to accentuate his point. “People do it all the time.”

“But not us.”

“Again, why not?”

“Because it’s…messy. It’s gross.”

“You have a blood kink; I don’t understand why this is different.”

“Oh, my god. This is so vastly different.”

“Well…not for me. I think it’s kind of hot.”

Instinctually, your nose scrunches as you lean back. “Ew, seriously?”

“Ew? What do you mean ew?” He nearly scoffs as he shoots you a confused but amused smile. “Bee…it’s you. It’s…you know, the circle of life or whatever. And it’s still the best pussy I’ve ever had.”

You allow yourself a moment to consider it before once again shaking your head. “No. Nope. That’s…you don’t need to see me like that. It’s…not pretty.”

The skin between his brows crinkles as he studies you, the left side of his mouth quirking up. “That’s silly.”

And maybe it is, but you can’t help the warming of your face. “Har, I’m serious. Periods are messy, and not at all sexy. Trust me, you wouldn’t like it.”

He takes a step forward and gingerly brushes his thumb across your cheekbone until he can cradle your jaw in his palm. “You know what is sexy?”

“Hm?”

“Making you feel good,” he murmurs as you just about melt. “I mean it. I trust you, Bee, always. But I need you to trust me when I tell you that this doesn’t change anything. Obviously, we won’t do it if you aren’t comfortable. But I think we’d both benefit.”

You contemplate his premise a second time.

“Besides…” he continues, smiling a bit wider, “…neither one of us has ever done it before, yeah? So, we’d get to try this for the first time—together. You’d teach me, and I’d teach you.”

And you adore the sound of that. Adore the idea of getting to learn something with him. Be his first the way he is yours.

You hover your palms over his chest and sigh. “Okay, yeah. I know. But…what if you don’t like it? What if you think it’s weird?”

He frowns. “I won’t, but even if I do, we can always stop.”

“What if it’s messy? Which it will be.”

“S’what showers are for.”

“Okay, but what if it’s too—”

He presses his free hand to your other cheek. “Bee?”

You slow to a stop. “Yeah?”

“What if it’s good?” he whispers, bringing you closer until you can feel the question ghost across your lips. “What if it’s so fucking good? What if it’s exactly what you needed? What if it’s everything?”

You swallow a huff and a whimper. “Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” The tip of his nose nuzzles against yours, taunting you with the thought of a kiss. “Don’t make you feel good? Don’t make it worth it? Don’t make really good points?”

You can’t help but pout playfully.

“I promise, Bee,” he continues, meeting your eye. “I only want to make you feel better. Make you feel everything. Be so gentle with you, I swear.”

You begin to tug on his shirt, desperately needing him closer. “I know, Har. I know, I just…I’m nervous.”

“I know,” he echoes, humming as he strokes his fingers across your skin. “But you never have to be nervous with me. It’s just sex, and it’s just us. I promise. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Says the man that started this whole arrangement because of sex,” you retort, and he grins.

“That was different.”

“How?”

“Because I already knew I liked you. The sex didn’t change that, it just confirmed it.”

“Mhm. Sure.”

“I’m serious. Need me to prove it to you?”

You exhale a gentle laugh as you take hold of his wrists and nuzzle into his touch. “No. I just…I don’t know. If I agree…I’ll have conditions.”

“Of course. And what are they?”

You think. “Uh…shit, I don’t know. We give it maybe a ten-minute trial run, and if we hate it, we stop.”

You can tell he’s fighting a rather smug smile as he nods once. “Okay. Deal.”

“And we have to put down a lot of towels. Like…cover the whole bed. Just in case.”

“Fine. Anything else?”

“We do it missionary. I think that’ll maybe be a bit…cleaner. Maybe.”

He smirks. “All right. Is that all?”

“You can’t look.”

He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and lifts an eyebrow. “I can’t look?”

“Nope.”

“Bee…how am I supposed to fuck you if I can’t see what I’m doing?”

“I’ll tell you.”

“You’ll tell me?”

“Yeah. You know, tell you how to move and everything.”

He laughs again. “I think that’s overcomplicating things a bit.”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be easy. It’s the same as me tying your hands.”

“That is not the same, and you know it.”

“Well…it’s my biggest condition. Either you don’t look, or we don’t do it.”

This time, he huffs. “This is silly.”

“You’ve mentioned.”

“But I still want to do it.”

“…seriously?”

“Seriously. I think you underestimate what I’d do for you.”

You pull your lip between your teeth and bite. “Har…we don’t have to—”

“I want to,” he says again. “I mean it. Yeah, I’d like to be able to see it. But…for a first time, if this is what you need to feel comfortable…then we’ll do it this way. Might even be fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, letting his hands drop to your hips while his mouth moves to your neck. “Having you tell me what to touch…how to touch it.”

You feel your breath hitch as his tongue takes a taste of the skin on your throat. 

“You wanna be my eyes, Bee?” he whispers, in that low, dangerous way that makes your stomach drop to your toes. “Wanna tell me how pretty you look taking my cock? Tell me how wet you are, how you drip for me? How swollen your little clit is? How hard your nipples are—”

“Harry,” you breathe, head dropping back as his teeth graze the vein below your jaw. “Shit, stop—”

“Stop what?” You feel the tips of his fingers brush beneath the hem of your shirt, dancing across your stomach until you squirm. “Stop touching you? Or stop agreeing with you?”

Your hands disappear into his curls, and you tug as though your life depends on it. “Stop…being so good.”

You feel him grin into your shoulder as he guides you toward the bed. “No.”

The backs of your legs hit the mattress and you both tumble down while Harry works to keep his lips on your body. 

His large hand hikes your leg over his hip until he can settle comfortably above you, groaning into your chest as you gasp for air.

“Please…” you hear yourself pant, nails scratching down his shoulder blades, desperate to bring him closer.

“I know,” he says, already tugging on your shirt. “I know. Gonna make it better, Bee. Promise.”

He grinds down, allowing for you to feel how hard he is, how bad he really wants this—needs this. 

And despite the multiple layers between you, it’s exhilarating and so sweet. Making you whimper his name as you attempt to thrust up against his cock for a second time.

He pulls your shirt over your head, revealing your lavender colored bra to his hungry gaze, and smiles when he sees it. 

“I like this one,” he tells you, and you chuckle as your head drops back onto the bed.

“I know. That’s why I wore it.”

“Good,” he whispers, returning his trail of wet kisses down your throat. “Good.”

And it is so good. So easy and effortless that you’re almost swept away by the current that is him. Drowning in his ability and his intentions as he lures you into the deepest depths of desire.

“Wait,” you whine the second his palms smooth up your thighs. “Wait…we need…I gotta get the towels.”

He groans as though his entire world has just collapsed, face burying into your neck as if to trap you. “Bee—”

“You promised,” you remind him, attempting to wiggle free. “Okay, I just need to get everything set up and then we can go.”

But he keeps his body pressed to yours, caging you to the bed as he pulls your earlobe between his teeth. “Don’t wanna stop. Just wanna make you feel good—”

“I know,” you murmur, grabbing a handful of his hip so you can force him onto his back. “And you will. Just one second. Go ahead and strip.”

He makes another depraved noise but does allow you to climb from the bed and rush to the bathroom.

After grabbing a plethora of towels, you return to find him sprawled naked across the blankets, sporting nothing more than a smug smile. 

And you laugh before motioning for him to stand while you lay the cloth down. Although he pouts through every second of it. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and cock incredibly hard.

But once you’ve finally finished, he sighs with relief, and strides toward you.

“Hold on,” you call, hand outstretching to stop his advance. “I gotta grab the blindfold.”

“Bee,” he nearly scoffs. “You weren’t serious about that.”

“Deadly,” you retort as you move for the nightstand to find the silk tie. “Unless you’d rather we just don’t do it at all.”

He takes a deep breath, almost as if to settle his nerves before smiling softly. “Of course I want to. And of course we’ll do it this way if that's what you need. I just…you can’t blame me for grieving the loss.” 

Entertained with his efforts, you chuckle to yourself and retrieve the scarf before gesturing for him to sit.

He’s quick to obey, perching on the edge of the mattress as he watches you approach. His expression bleeds willing anticipation, hands gathering in his lap, and eyes widening.

You come to a stop in front of his legs, unable to resist smiling down at your sunshine boy as you gently brush your fingers through the dark hairs atop his head.

His lashes flutter, head rolling back to follow your touch while humming contently beneath a soft breath.

“Thank you,” you whisper, a desperate fist clenching around your heart.

He blinks himself back to clarity. “For what?”

“For just…being you.”

A rush of adoration overwhelms his expression, his meadow-green eyes softening as he reaches down to take hold of your wrist.

“Of course,” he says before guiding the blindfold in your hand toward his head. “Go. I trust you.”

I trust you.

Overwhelmed by a surge of confidence, you dip down, and kiss him. Teeth and tongues clash as you each greedily steal a taste, breathing him in as though your life depends on it.

And once he’s settled in your lungs, you lean back, and slip the tie over his eyes.

His muscles tense the moment his vision is taken from him, but the delicate sweep of your fingertips across his skin as you secure the knot seems to undo the stress.

“You okay?” you ask, making sure to keep your voice quiet so as to not startle him.

He nods, chest rising and falling as he inhales deeply. “Mhm. Miss you already, though.”

You grin. “Okay, I’m gonna get ready. Don’t move, all right?”

Another nod, this one silent.

With a strange feeling in your stomach (that you can’t blame on cramps), you step back and begin to slip your shorts off.

You’re thankful that today’s flow isn’t too heavy. Although you’d still rather die than let him see.

But he’s patient, smiling to himself as he hears you rustle around, your aggravated huffs making him chuckle.

Finally, you’ve rid yourself of all clothing, leaving your thighs to squeeze together in an attempt to keep everything…intact.

You’d removed the tampon while you were in the bathroom, and now that you’re ready, and this is actually happening…your pulse begins to race.

“Bee?” Harry murmurs, almost as if sensing the shift. “You okay?”

“Yes.” Your voice is light. Airy. A tad strained as you timidly approach him. “I’m…yeah. Just…trying to wrap my head around it.”

He hums, straightening up slightly as if to comfort you. “I know, it’s okay. I’m here. M’right here. Don’t have to be nervous. It’s just us.”

“Just us,” you repeat, attempting to emblazon such a promise across your heart. “Always.”

“Always.”

You make yourself known to him, ghosting your fingers up the length of his arm and along the slope of his shoulder. “Okay…I’m ready. Are you?”

“Mhm. Just tell me what to do.”

But you don’t tell him.

You lead him.

You take his hand in yours and bring him to his feet. His grip is strong, grasping onto your palm so tight, you won’t be surprised to feel the residual aches tomorrow.

You walk to the foot of the bed and begin guiding your bodies down, leading him in a crawl across the towels. You go slow, making sure that he knows to brace himself with his other hand and with his knees as he follows you. 

You can see the quiver in his stomach when he hovers himself above where you lay, the corners of his mouth dancing up in a delicate but shy smile.

“You’re doing so good,” you murmur, lifting to nose under his jaw and leave a reassuring kiss. “You okay?”

“Mhm.” His head drops, almost as if chasing after your lips. “Yeah. Are you?”

“Yes,” you breathe, one hand trailing down the rigid dips along his chest. “Your heart’s beating really fast, Har.”

“I know,” he says. “S’cause I’m excited.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Another nod. “Everything is you.”

Your stomach wrenches in the best possible way. “Really?”

“Really. Every one of my senses is just…you.”

You press your lips over his racing pulse. “Hope that’s a good thing.”

He grins. “It is. It’s everything.”

You kiss him. With each possible ounce of love you have to offer, and he groans against your tongue as he settles into the familiar mold of your mouth.

Muscle memory seems to serve him well as he makes his home between your thighs, palm already traveling down the curve of your hip.

And you know what he wants. What he aims to do, and as if out of reflex, you snatch onto his wrist and bring him to a stop.

“Wait,” you whisper, nose pressed to his cheek. “Sorry, I…I’m not—”

“It’s okay,” he says quickly, releasing his hold to intertwine his fingers with yours. “Lead me, Bee. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want.”

“You,” you whimper, unable to deny the less-than-dull ache forming deep within your belly. Even nerves can’t tamp down such desire. “You, I just…I’m not sure—”

“We can go slow,” he tells you. “Until you’re ready.”

His assurance does absolutely nothing to ease the need in your heart and you whine to yourself before scratching your nails down his skin. “Don’t wanna go slow, I just…I just have to do it.”

But his head shakes. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Bee. We can stop right now. Do you need to call watermelon?”

“No.” You take hold of his face and squeeze. “No. No, I don’t want to stop. I wanna keep going. Wanna feel you. Need to feel you, Har.”

He lowers until he can press his forehead to yours and calm your jitters. “Okay. It’s okay. We can keep going. But only at your pace, all right?”

You wish you could see him. See his eyes. See the self-assuredness you know is there. The same self-assuredness that always manages to bring you back down after you’ve worked yourself up.

“Okay,” you whisper, kissing the tip of his nose.

He grips your hand. “Be my eyes. Only show me what you want me to see.”

It comes to you then. Hits you like a ton of bricks. Heavy and hard, the way it always does. 

You love him. Love him more than anything in the world. As more than your partner…but as your best friend.

Encouraged by a new rush of adrenaline, you take your interlocked fingers and bring them to your chest, allowing him to feel the way your nipples have hardened.

He exhales a shaky breath upon contact, taking control the moment you let go to knead your tit in his large palm before dipping down to lick along it. 

You gasp and arch up into his mouth, feeling more than settled now as he wraps his lips around you. 

He takes a moment to tug it with his teeth, gentle but firm enough to feed your pain kink. And you nearly sigh with contentment as he swirls his tongue around the pebbled skin, clearly indulging in you.

“My pretty girl,” he groans, hand running up the side of your ribcage until it can take hold of your other breast. “Tell me how good you look in my mouth. Tell me how pretty you look between my fingers.”

“Shit—Har, please.”

“Feel good, darling?” His voice is a salacious purr, meant to entice you, meant to ruin you. “Want you to tell me. Tell me how pretty you look.”

Your fingers move for the hairs at the nape of his neck, brushing against the fabric around his head. “Feels so good—”

“Uh-uh,” he warns, lifting up and taking his mouth from you. Leaving your chest cold and untouched. “Tell me.”

You whimper again and attempt to scoot closer. “Pretty,” you repeat quietly. “Always look pretty in your hand. Always look better when you touch me.”

He runs his tongue over his bottom lip, and you feel yourself clench when you see the plump, pink fibers glisten beneath the light of your lamp. 

“Good girl,” he whispers, allowing you to bring him close so you can kiss him, cursing when you nip at his mouth.

You take hold of his hand again and begin moving it down your body. Over the tender skin of your stomach and down toward your cunt.

He attempts to remain calm when he realizes where you’re leading him, but you can feel the pulsing in his wrist escalate the closer you get. 

“Bee,” he murmurs as you brush the tips of his fingers along your inner thighs. “You okay?”

“Yes,” you answer through an anxious pant. “Can’t wait any longer.”

“Fuck,” he seethes against your cheek when his touch ghosts over your swollen clit. “Feel so fucking good, lovie. Wanna see you so bad—”

“Mm-mm,” you argue, grasping onto his curls. “Not this time.”

“Bee—”

“Touch me,” you quickly mewl, licking a strip along his jaw. “God, Harry, please. Please touch me. Need you…need—”

He pinches the sensitive nerves until you gasp and choke on the rest of your plea. But you don’t even mind because the rush of euphoria that shoots through your veins like heroin is everything. Almost more than you can handle, and you buck up into his hand.

“That easy, hm?” he teases before his fingers run down you, desperate to dive through the arousal and coat himself in it. “Knew you were all worked up. You’ve been needy for days, darling. Haven’t you? Just needing me to make it better?”

He’s right. You’re always needy for him but especially on your period. The one week you refuse to let him touch you.

You’re beginning to wonder why.

“Gonna let me fuck you?” he asks, mouth ghosting across your ear until a shiver dances down your spine. “Gonna let me fuck the pain away? Make you feel good again?”

You nod, even though he can’t see you, and begin rolling your body in time with his ministrations. Hoping to grind against his fingers until you find that sweet relief.

He smirks. “Anxious?”

“Little bit,” you retort, scratching down his back. “Shit…please. Please, baby—”

“I know,” he coos, taking his fingers from your pussy to squeeze your thigh. “Gonna have to do it for me, okay? Take my cock and use it.”

You whimper as you reach for him, more than ready to feel him in your hand as you guide him closer to you.

You try not to think about what comes next. Try not to think about what it is you’re about to do, or what his cock might look like covered in your blood.

He twitches the moment your palm smooths along his shaft, face burying deep within your shoulder to brace himself. “Sorry…fuck, feel like it’s been forever.”

“I know,” you agree, nuzzling your cheek against his temple.

“Feels so much better now,” he whispers, lips brushing your skin as he speaks. “Feels…different, too. When I can’t see.”

You know exactly what he means, and you clench from the idea of what he must be experiencing right now.

Your fingers weave through his hair, and you tug until you can bring his head back out. Then, after releasing his cock, you smooth your thumbs over the blindfold, and lift up to place a kiss over each eye.

“Har?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He grins so wide, you can see his two little bunny teeth. “I love you,” he repeats, nestling his face against your hand. “Now please let me fuck you.”

And who are you to argue?

You take hold of him once more while his hand smooths down your hip to help guide your legs further apart.

And after some shifting and shuffling, you pump him slowly, and line him up.

“Ready?” you whisper, a bit coarser than you had intended.

He nods, swollen lips parting in anticipation. “Yes. Always. Go, Bee. Let me feel you.”

The moment the head of his cock brushes through you, you both tense and stumble over some rather pornographic moans.

After all, it’s been quite a while since the last time (around two weeks…which for the two of you feels like a lifetime), and this merely proves why you should never wait so long again.

It’s full, and it’s good, and it’s comfortable. Much more comfortable than you anticipated, and you can’t help but glance down to watch as he disappears into you.

His hands fist the duvet beside your shoulders as sucks in a sharp breath through clenched teeth before suddenly driving in to the hilt, forcing your gasp. “Shit…sorry. Sorry, m’so fucking sorry. Couldn’t…couldn’t wait—”

“It’s okay,” you whimper, wiggling a bit to get adjusted. “It’s okay. Feels good.”

“Yeah?” For some reason, this makes the muscles in his stomach quiver as he rolls back. “God, lovie. So fucking tight today. Fucking hell…don’t know if I’m gonna last long.”

“It’s okay,” you repeat, fingers painting patterns down his spine. “Just go. Go, fuck me. Do whatever you want. Don’t care, just want you—”

He snaps forward once more, bottoming out as you cry out his name and arch from the bed.

“Shh,” he murmurs, lips burying into your hair. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Talk to me, Bee. Be my eyes, come on. Tell me how good you look taking my cock. Tell me how fucking sweet your pretty little pussy treats me.”

Your mouth drops open in a silent whine as you wrap your arms around his neck and hike your leg around his hip. “So good, Har. Look so good inside me—”

“Shit.” His teeth graze your shoulder as he thrusts in again, doing his best to be gentle the way he promised, but losing the battle quickly. “Yeah? Like watching the way I stretch you?”

“Harry—”

“Oh, darling, you’re so wet. Fucking soaking me, aren’t you?”

You feel as though you are, but truth be told, you don’t want to look down and find out.

However, your silence breeds suspicion, and Harry’s hand blindly searches for your jaw until he can give it a quick squeeze.

“Bee,” he warns, in a low growl that makes your pulse skip. “Don’t do that. Don’t go quiet, don’t overthink.”

You whine a bit as your writhe beneath him, attempting to pull your face from his fingers. “Can’t help it—”

“Listen to me,” he hisses, pulling harder until you have no other choice but to go lax in his touch. “You feel so fucking good. All right? You have no fucking idea how good you feel right now. M’losing my goddamn mind. Don’t ever wanna stop fucking you—”

You can’t help but clench down until he’s lost the rest of his sentence, his hand dropping to your throat.

“Fucking devil,” he mumbles, working to create a faster rhythm as the room fills with steady whines, whimpers, and anxious gasps. Until the sound of him slipping in and out of your tight hole is echoing between the walls. Until everything is just him.

Soon, you don’t care about your period. About the possibility of a rather bloody mess or the idea that Harry will see you differently.

Soon, the only thing that matters is release. Is finding that end as the pleasure builds and builds like a tower of Jenga blocks in your stomach. Until it’s so tall, so heavy, so potent…you have no other choice but to let go.

His arm loops under your back, right near your hips while he tugs you up, needing a better angle as he continues to ruin you. And your body is pliable in his hands, nothing but jelly, meant to be tossed around like a toy.

“Give it to me,” he grunts, but there’s a certain plea beneath the virile command. Like he’s begging you to come on his cock, and your eyes roll back. “Fucking give it to me, Bee. Right now. Right fucking now—”

And you were already halfway there but then he reaches down your body, fingertips brushing against your clit, and you’re gone.

Toes curling, back arching, mind numbing. Your entire reality whittles down to him. And his cock, and his hands, and his come. The way it fills you not long after, painting your insides like a mural before leaking between your bodies. 

And it’s sticky, and the room is hot, and your bodies are covered in sweat. 

But it’s perfect.

Eventually, he reaches back for the knot behind his head, needing to see you. But you’re quick to stop him, guiding his arm back down until you can bury him against your chest and whisper, “Not yet. Just stay. Like this. Please.”

You can tell he wants to fight you. He loves seeing his come drip from your pussy, loves pushing it back in, loves licking it up.

But today, that’s out of the question, and when he realizes this, he sighs and allows his face to nuzzle into your neck.

You know he’ll need to regain his vision soon, but you don’t mind existing in this moment just a little while longer. You’d exist in every moment with him if you could, but you’ll settle for right here, right now.

“Bee?” he whispers, the sound of his loving nickname cutting through the quiet air.

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

You smile so hard, the muscles in your cheek begin to ache. Your arms snake a bit tighter around his large body, squeezing him against your heart. “You’re silly.”

He grins.

A few minutes later, you make him a deal. You’ll lead him to the bathroom so you can both take a shower, and once you’re sure the evidence has been washed away, you’ll let him look.

He argues that this is a step beyond ridiculous and you argue that you’ll never fuck him again if he opens his eyes before you’re ready.

He gets quiet after that.

You both stumble a bit as you lead the blind man from the bed to the shower. You do your best not to survey the damage, but you catch a glimpse in your attempt at cleaning everything up. It’s not as bad as you anticipated. Your period has always seemed to mellow out whenever you’re lying horizontally. 

Honestly, you’re not really sure what logistics are involved with that premise, but today, you’re just grateful they are.

You keep your palm over his closed eyes as you both step under the stream of water. His eyelashes tickle your skin whenever he attempts to blink, and you giggle from the soft feel.

After a minute or two of letting the soap do its thing, you drop your arm, and return his sight.

Those sage green irises find you as he works to adjust to the world around him. He squints for the better part of a minute before he’s smiling and taking in your wary expression.

“What’s wrong?” he hums, stepping closer to sneak his wet hands around your hips. “See? It was fine.”

“I know.” Your voice is small, eyes trained on the tattoo painted across his chest. “I do feel kind of stupid for making us do all of that.”

“What?” He leans back, brow raised. “Bee…I know I was talking shit, but you know I didn’t mind.”

“I know, I just…people have period sex all the time. It’s not a big deal, you’re right—”

His head begins to shake zealously as he backs you up against the tile, forcing your attention on him. “No, no, no. Don’t do that. That’s what you needed to do, and I pushed you to do it in the first place. I told you, I will do whatever you want. Anything. Anytime.”

“I know, but—”

“No. Enough. I don’t wanna hear it.” He presses his forehead to yours for a second time this evening, and you feel your stomach clench. “Trust me. That was one of the hottest fucking things I’ve ever done. Not being able to see you almost killed me but everything else…god, I’ve never felt so overwhelmed by you.”

And for some reason, this vulnerable yet earnest confession creates a lump in your throat as you blink up at him.

“All I could hear, all I could touch, all I could taste…was just you,” he whispers, squeezing the skin on your waist to emphasize his point. “I would do that a hundred more times if that’s what you wanted.”

You whimper, blindsided by the sudden rush of emotions working their way to your waterline.

His strong hand moves for your cheek, cupping it sweetly as he presses a kiss beside your eye. “You can take my sight any day, Bee. As long as you promise to give it back. And let me see you again.”

You smile as a tear begins to slip down your skin, collecting in his palm before he wipes it away. “You know what you are?”

He presses his lips to your face one last time before leaning back. “What?”

Your eyes meet, and you grin.

“Silly.”

Yes I am perpetuating the idea that he could find it blindfolded 😗 BECAUSE HE COULD FIND IT BLINDFOLDED!!! Teach Me Harry could anyway and I will not be taking any questions or comments, thank you!!! (No I'm kidding but...he could)

Next Part:

~ Use Me*

Previous Part:

~ Watch Me*

- Full Teach Me Masterlist

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

Tags: (Since this is an extra, I have no idea if you guys want to be tagged in it, but if not, please let me know! And I will remove you promptly! But if you are okay with being on this list, then welcome back, I've missed you🥹💞)

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[shrimptiger]

Alright, normally I don't talk about drama but at this point, I'm pretty tired of it, so I'll just get this off my mind, because it's not like I'll change anything, but YALL ARE BEING SO FUCKING WEIRD WITH THIS LANDO AND MAGUI BULLSHIT.

I've never looked into it, but I'm just trying to scroll on tiktok or instagram and every few weeks I just get like 10 posts like "oh, Lando is in *place*, guess who else is there?", or I'll get a random clip of Lando in public that seems perfectly normal, oppen the comments, and everyone is saying that he's carrying her phone or something.

I can not understand why people care so much, it's not confirmed weather they are dating or not, it's literally just fans making speculations that have gone so far there are literal people who think they are in a public relationship because of so many people posting them and saying that they are 100% dating. If you want to speculate, do whatever you want, I can't stop you, but please just stop spreading misinformation.

I don't know what they are doing, and I don't care, I'm just minding my own business and you should too, whatever they're doing just let them live their lives and be happy for them or fucking explode with jealousy or whatever the fuck quietly, because I'm sick of my recommended/home/for you pages just being flodded with this bullshit.

If you want to know what I think about them, tho: from what I've seen it seems like he doesn't even interact with her but she just keeps trying to chase after him, I saw on tiktok a few months ago that she posted a picture of her infront of his apparent building or something and dating or not, I think that's freakish behaviour, and I really think she should delete that if she hasn't already, atleast for his privacy if not her decency because that is making her look like a hella obsessed fangirl. Obviously, I didn't randomly start thinking and ranting about this, so I'll tell you that what made me do this if a reel that popped up in my instagram feed from a f1 gossip accont of them being spotted togeder at a new years party in Dubai. That clip is gross to me, because you can see him ducking away from the camera and it was even mentioned in the caption, and people in the comments were laughing because "oh, he's so ashamed to be with her" or that they were holding hands (to me, that just looks like he was holding her shoulder, some people also said that she grabbed his hand when he pulled it back but I didn't see that)

Honestly, whatever, if they're dting, good for them, if not, also good for them, people alredy ruined Landos last realtionship so I completely understand him wanting to keep this secret if they are, even tho she keep hinting at it, but maybe she's just an obsessed friend, who the fuck knows?

I also won't post that clip, because I can't download it and sharing the link could show my account, so I just won't do that, which is probably for the better, we should just respect his privacy, because none of us would like being recorded 24/7 and posted online, even if that is part of his job, just let him live his life off the track.

This might be full of typos, I literally can not be bothered to read through this and check so whatever, feel free to rant about this in my comments, reblogs, or my ask box, just don't go in my dms, I'm here to speak my mind, not argue.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Nichya, your post about the way Zutarians view Katara struck a huge chord in me. 1 month ago, I was a naive multishipper who had just finished ATLA and was looking for good fics to read. Went on A03 and saw there were a lot of Zutara fics, sorted them out by kudos to see what the 10 most top-rated fics were. Katara is my favourite character, so I was really excited to see her post-canon life.

And. Oh, man. The experience was so fucking weird. I expected a lot of happy Katara fics, because canonically she IS really happy -the war is over, her family is reunited, her best friends Aang and Toph are alive, she can go home now to rebuild her tribe. That's NOT what I got.

The top-rated one was about how invisible and marginalised she felt being Aang's gf, and how she escaped it to be a world changing politician...in the fire nation??? When canonically Aang supported every one of her ambitions and all she wanted to do is restore her tribe?? Don't get me started on how the fic had Sokka, Toph, even Gran Gran all villanised Aang and blamed him for Katara's oppression.

Another one was a typical forced-marriage with Zuko because of duty?? And she and Zuko had children and her kids found 12 year old Aang??? Not even going to touch that one.

The 3rd was that Zuko pointed out to Katara how she fussed and looked after Aang as a mom or older sister, and Katara agreed she "coddled him". (did they miss the part when Miss Katara was a trouble-maker and Aang had to save her everytime?? And she canonically thought of Aang as the leader in the group???)

Another one was how Kataang had broken up, but Aang was still waiting for her and "hoped to marry her one day" and she was so indignant she fell into Zuko's sexy arms. (I literally laughed out loud at this, because canonically Katara was incredibly jealous of Aang's fangirls from S1 and Aang never gave af about Jet)

One incredibly gross one when Katara marries Aang out of duty because "she cannot break his heart" but always loved Zuko. KATARA. The girl who was ready to abandon her tribe to learn waterbending in ep.1!

And 2 more forced marriages, one where Katara is Zuko's captive and pawn of war, and they have sex literally when she's still a prisoner of HIM.

Like. I cannot tell you how shocked I was. It really disgusted me. I promise I did not know anything about Zutara before that.

It was obviously my mistake, clearly Zutara isn't meant for me. People can write whatever they want, I'm not here to police anyone's fandom.

But I was just struck by how much Katara was unhappy and so cut off from her canon best friends (Aang, Toph) and loving family (her tribe, Sokka, Hakoda).

Either she was cut off through force (forced marriage, captivity). Or because she personally felt secretly resentful and jealous of Aang, "parentified" and burdened by Sokka, disgusyed by her misogynistic tribe...

And how no one understood her except for Zuko. No one could give her the tools to empower herself except for Zuko. Only in the Fire Nation can she be independent and free.

It just felt so wrong!!!! I gave up. I couldn't stand to see Katara so resentful, bitter, and sad with her canon life unless she marries Zuko.

Anyway. Thanks for the blog. And for writing such insightful posts. It really articulated my discomfort.

Once again: for people who claim to be "the TRUE Katara fans", Zutairans hate everything about her character and arc, especially how happy she ended up being. Half the misery they put her through almost feels like trying punish her for not jumping straight into Zuko's arms.

[kookidough]

random rant about tbp tiktok cause i’m actually Sick of it at this point💆‍♀️💆‍♀️ these issues probably exist Outside of tiktok as well but i only ever see them on there so thats the platform i’m gna talk about

before you read i just wanna say warning for mentions of sa!!!!!

first of all i dont want to jump straight into the serious shit so the unoriginality is actually INSANE like ive been seeing the same jokes since 2022, can we Please get something funnier than “griffin does gymnastics / is a ceiling fan” 😭 the amount of times recently i’ll see a tbp tiktok and then get someone copying the idea and making the Same exact post like 3 scrolls later is insane like Pls can we be original Pls this movie is so sad i need something to laugh at

outside of being totally unoriginal some of the jokes tend to be Really Fucking Disgusting like straight up joking about assault, i shouldn’t even have to explain that thats not funny in the slightest?? this one person made a bunch of really gross ones and kept blocking people who called them out in the comment section, my friend had to dm them Several times and all they did was take down one post, the rest are still up with a ton of views :/ i know its like shock humour or dark humour or whatever but i dont see the ‘funny’ side of a grown man forcing himself onto a child and i think if youre laughing at that you should sit down and ask yourself why you think thats so funny.. people in the comments are always like “i shouldn’t laugh” so they Know its wrong as well which just ugh the whole thing just really gets on my nerves

another thing that gets on my nerves is the lack of media literacy and straight up spreading misinformation, maybe on the media literacy part i’m just a hater but i see so many questions being asked or theories being posed when all of the things mentioned were… literally answered in the movie?? “whats up with finney and gwen’s mother” it’s literally said in the movie that she has the same ability as gwen and she killed herself bc of it, next question, “why was max so interested in finding the missing boys” maybe because he was a coked up conspiracy theorist who saw a serious crime happening in his brother’s area so he decided to be a genuine concerned citizen who wanted these boys to be found💀 “why did the grabber kill max” because he had evidence of the highly awful crimes he’d been committing and was about to let his latest victim free?? the list goes on and on but those r the main ones i see all the time

as for the misinformation. Ough. it annoys me So much this is a hill i will die on😭 i dont know if its people’s half-baked theories or personal headcanons that just got way out of hand but i see so much stuff being spread that just Isnt true, it gets spread so far that when you google these things it appears as true when its not which is annoying !!! i actually was gonna make an entire rant about one theory in particular that pisses me off so bad but i can fit it in here alongside my list of “other theories presented as facts that i Absolutely Despise”

first theory, the one i was gonna make an entire post over, is the theory that vance is the grabber’s son. if i see one more tiktok of those two with that marina and the diamonds song im going to fucking lose it😭 i have no idea where people got this from but its so fucking popular that it comes up on google and i Hate it, i think it comes from the fact that in gwen’s dream sequence, which, might i add, WAS A DREAM, it looks like the police drop vance off outside the grabber’s house and he goes inside there, which… apparently automatically makes them related…?? it takes like one ounce of media literacy to realise that Obviously he’d be getting dropped off at his own house in real life, but as a ghost he’s centred on the place he died and is showing that house to gwen in her dreams, like how every other ghost shows that house to her. awful theory awful take i hate it, if its ur personal headcanon sorry but i do Not fw that

the other theories i have like. not much to say about other than the fact that they’re Not true, i see a lot of stuff about griffin for some reason? the number tends to change but a lot of ppl say “he was kept in the basement for 4 years” like . Huh. where is your proof???? i know the missing posters are insanely unreliable but if you literally read them griffin went missing on april 2nd and billy went missing on may 4th so highly likely griffin was only in the basement for like. a month at most, no idea where ppl are pulling 4 years out of💀 i also see people say griffin has broken legs or a broken back Just because of the first scene where we see him doing a backbend but . if that was the case then he wouldnt be able to stand with the other ghosts when they show gwen the house, i think the backbend was just the position he died in and thats why he first appeared that way to finney but Hey thats just my opinion! last two i have like no rants over but just. firstly people saying robin never made it to the basement for some reason but clearly he did otherwise his ghost would not be down there with the rest of them😭 secondly the theory that vance was kept there the longest “because he’s the most feminine” which. just makes absolutely zero sense to me whatsoever idk whos random headcanon got popularised but i dont like it

okay getting serious again, while this one does not make me angry its like. just really weird to me? i think its common knowledge at this point that both the book and the movie are inspired heavily by the john wayne gacy case, with the grabber literally being inspired by john wayne gacy himself (you Cannot argue with me on this one its literally confirmed and theres a boatload of evidence supporting it). i guess its natural to see people making comparisons between the movie and the case because of the inspiration but i’ve seen Several videos recently of people taking photos of jwg victims and putting them next to tbp characters and saying thats who theyre inspired by and i think thats . Really coming across as insensitive i cant lie😭 we know the grabber was inspired by jwg and its heavily thought that billy was inspired by johnny gosch but theres not much about the others and i think its just really distasteful to compare real life murder victims to fictional horror characters just to get views/likes on tiktok, it comes across as insanely disrespectful to me but idk i havent seen anyone else talking about it so i might just be being sensitive

last thing that really really bothers me is grabber simps. while i do see it on tiktok i see it on here, tumblr, most often and its… so odd to me…. like why are you thirsting over the paedophilic serial killer… so so strange to me… i want to see art and character analysis and silly little posts about all the characters but every time i open the tbp tag i’m jumpscared by someones weird ass grabber x reader oneshot and its SO GROSS get that shit away from me😭😭😭😭 also saw this one girl on tiktok one time whos literal entire account was dedicated to the grabber and she defended this by saying the sa in the movie was “just a theory” which is so victim blamey girl i do not trust you there is so much evidence for it in the movie, again w the media literacy point, just because something isnt directly shown to you doesnt mean it isnt shown in other subtler ways… anyway i get if people like the grabber as a villain but actually like. loving him and thirsting over him is weird as fuck to me

so um ya the fandom is a trainwreck can we go back to there being like 3 of us please and thank u. if you actually read all this then Wow thank you its literally just me being chronically online and ranting about stuff that doesn’t matter in the real world at all

[aliquistis]

On Mystra and Gale

Okay I gotta say it.

tl;dr: Gale is too old to have been groomed by Mystra (unless you headcanon him as 30 or younger), bc she was dead until 1479 (game year is 1492). I am not defending Mystra. Mystra is a mess. Her (FR) writing is a mess. But for this at least, the timeline doesn't add up.

Disclaimer: there is absolutely nothing wrong with people disregarding/tweaking lore for fan works/fanfic. God knows I do it all the time when I GM. That's your story now and you can do whatever you want with it, including exploring problematic relationships like what if Gale was groomed by Mystra? This is just a post for general information. Write what you want. Explore those dark recesses of the human heart. Fly free, you beautiful butterfly.

Too long but still gonna read explanation under the cut.

Let me preface this again: This is not a post in defense of Mystra. I have, in fact, been very loudly complaining about Mystra since long before Baldur's Gate 3 was even hinted. This is simply pointing out timeline discrepancies that it seems many newcomers to Forgotten Realms aren't aware of (totally understandable! You should not need to ingest 30 years of lore to enjoy a game and I'm not saying you do.) Additionally, FR literally kills Mystra every new edition and it gets dumber every time.

Anyways. It is highly unlikely that Gale was groomed by Mystra. This is not a statement of morality, it's a statement of timeline. Mystra died in 1385. She was in pieces (like bits of her magic were still in artifacts/her Chosen, such as Elminster in lore that I absolutely despise) and that, as far as I can tell, is how magic subsisted until 1479, when she was reconstituted by Elminster (in lore that I absolutely despise) This is a gross oversimplification of an event called the Spellplague. I am open to correction on how magic worked here because I moved to Pathfinder during the 4e era and you could not make me read those Elminster books if you put a gun to my head.

Regardless, from 1385-1479, Mystra was dead/missing/asleep. BG3 takes place in 1492. If Gale is 40 years old, he was born in 1452. This means, if Gale is 40, the youngest he could have been was 27 when Mystra contacted him. This lowers, obviously, if you think Gale is 35 or even 30. If he's 30 then Mystra could have contacted him at 17. Yes, a 17 year-old is a child and this could have led to grooming, but Mystra wasn't at full strength when she first returned and she most likely wasn't seeking new Chosen until the next year, 1480. Regardless, this is the reason I put grooming as Highly Unlikely instead of Impossible. I personally believe Gale is older than 30 (I say this as a person in their 30s), I believe he was written with the intention of being a man older than 30, and I cannot see him being in his 20s. (more power to you if that's your headcanon, he's an archmage, he could be 600 for all we know, fly free, etc)

OKAY THAT SAID. Would she have groomed him? Fucking probably! Mystra is a mess. I have been playing in Forgotten Realms in tabletop and video game settings for going on 25 years now and let me tell you. Mystra is a mess. I could make a whole long ass other post on all the many problems I've had with her writing over the years. Even without the "Mystra banged a minor" angle here, there is a serious power imbalance and very obvious manipulation on her part. And I'm here to tell you Gale isn't even the first wizard she has done this to! She's done much worse! Mystra has a ton of flaws (I could write a BOOK on Mystra's flaws) but it remains highly unlikely that grooming Gale in particular is one of them.

If you'd like more FR lore this person has some amazing lore write-ups that I really enjoyed reading during EA. And here is Mystra's forgotten realms wiki page, already linked to her death and return.

(my friend told me to post this after I kept bitching to them about Lore on discord and They Know Who They Are)

[whumpy-wyrms]

WOAHHHH NEW OC STORY IDEA ALL A SUDDEN

okay so vampire guy works at a morgue and feeds from the dead bodies but it’s never Enough. it keeps him under control but he does needs fresh blood once in a while. anyway this human guy dies, was brought to the morgue, and the vampire guy drains him of all his blood (as he does to every corpse) but this human died recently and his blood was fresher and tastier than the others. vampire leaves the dead human in one of those corpse shelves for the night (vampire guy lives in the morgue somewhere) and the next morning BOOM. the human guy is awake and alive and healthy as if nothing happened. immortality moment!! woah

and the vampire guy is like SWEET!!! new infinite food source of fresh delicious human blood!! now he doesn’t have to feed from those gross corpses anymore or go hunting and risk being killed by pesky vampire hunters.

but vampire guy still has to work at the morgue. that’s his whole business. that’s his home and how he needs to make money to buy food for his new human bloodbag (guy can survive without food but his blood tastes better when he’s not starving).

and it’s strange for the vampire guy sometimes. he’s always spending time around dead humans and this is the first time he’s gotten close to an actual live human before. and even though he’s keeping him captive, he still likes making conversation sometimes. it gets lonely being an immortal vampire who’s hasn’t had a close relationship in decades, and who’s instinct it is to suck the blood out of every human he meets. and since immortal human guy is trapped there and has nothing to do, he might as well talk to him. he’s lonely too and now just found out he’s immortal. he doesn’t wanna be alone forever

but obviously he hates being fed from by a vampire and desperately wants to escape. vampire guy kills him a bunch of times just because he Can. sometimes he drains him of all his blood when he’s extra hungry, sometimes he just kills him for disobeying or trying to escape to teach him a lesson. sometimes he kills him for fun, for the thrill of the hunt. dying is PAINFUL as fuck to the human. he hates dying even though he always comes back fully healed.

sometimes the human wants more things to keep him occupied so he’s not bored all day trapped in the basement of a morgue (or maybe he’s kept locked in a corpse shelf during the day, extremely claustrophobic and dark, with no way out, trapped next to a bunch of human corpses. who knows). but the vampire doesn’t wanna waste his hard-earned cash on buying his human silly unnecessary things just because he’s bored.

so sometimes he lets the human help him work. vampire guy owns the morgue and has no other employees, and only works at night to avoid sunlight, so human wouldn’t be able to call for help anyway. human guy hates being around dead bodies but it gives him something to do and he technically gets paid for it in a way. now vampire guy gets things done twice as fast and has more money and free time too. he buys his human the stuff he wants, like books or puzzles, and they sometimes play games together.

human was a nobody. he probably died from some freak accident and was brought to the morgue by the hospital. he didn’t have a family or any loved ones that claimed his body or set up his funeral. nobody came looking for his body to bury or cremate because Nobody cared that he was gone. and that just makes things a whole lot sadder because even if he does somehow escape the vampire, where’s he gonna go? he’s legally dead. Everyone thinks he’s dead. he’s supposed to be dead. there wouldn’t be anywhere to go or anyone to go to because he obviously can’t tell people he’s immortal, that would just cause more questions, and surely being experimented on by scientists would be worse than whatever he’s going through right now, right?

so human guy has to accept his life now, as an immortal bloodbag for a vampire who works at a morgue. his life is filled with blood and death, but there’s nothing he can do about it. maybe vampire guy eventually gains sympathy for him, and starts to feel bad for his pathetic excuse of a life. maybe they eventually become friends. or maybe the human stabs a wooden stake through the vampire’s heart. who knows

anyway these guys have existed in my head for nearly an hour and they don’t even have names but i am going insane over this holy shit???? RAUHHHH i’ve gotta make picrews dude i gotta draw them. new blorbos. new brainrot. i prommy i’ll still get tllr chapter 13 out today or tomorrow but WOAHH look at these new little guys they’re so silly

[futturmangamez]

Heyyy I'm Josh!!✌👋

I was gaming live and someone said I should make a tumblr to make new friends and spill my thoughts? so here i am! Not sure what I'm fully doing but I'll figure it out

I guess you should probably know things about me right?

I like games, yummy food, hot people (especially tiger;)), animals, memes, sweet compliments, and a whole lot more😄

I don't really like hate and bullying much so pleaseeee do not make fun of me on here!!!!

Also I'm an adult too..clearly..so um if you're a child I guess be careful because if I'm spilling my thoughts..I'm probably sharing what else I'm spilling🤫😅🤣 You are responsible for whatever content you decide to interact with. Obviously if you are a minor, don't be gross or weird. I don't mind silly flirting stuff from you guys. Please don't cross the line between playful and absolutely wrong😠 If you are an age I prefer not to have following my blog/ageless account I am allowed to remove you😅😅

⚠️Lots of nsfw topics mentioned⚠️ this is your warning.

Yes if you are an adult you may ask me anything nsfw. If you're lucky, it'll make me giggle and maybe squirm in my gaming chair..

Hope you enjoy my tumblr page thing. Feel free to chat with me, I need new friends. And maybe more people to flirt with hah! Also ask questions and such..I'm totally comfortable with yaknow..adult content..just don't be weird ferocious animals. Don't be shy either. I dont bite unless you really want me to😉

the owner of this account is 🃏, they are an ADULT!!! 20+ (Obviously there are plenty of roleplay accounts! Please give love to them all and not just one)

(Also timeline is lowkey all over the place for the blog lmao its him expressing random thoughts like when he played hella biotic wars, during missions, and after Haven..but mostly silly josh thoughts and interacting with other jhutch characters/ocs/followers-🃏)

[finniestoncrane]

Finnie ik I'm in your inbox like every two seconds but can we all agree EVERY Eddie is more than happy to be cumrag for a partner... Like some have different needs and some will fight how much they want it, but dear God are they ready to get sticky and gross

Sticky Riddlers

Riddler Headcanons fuck yeah, although i don't think they're all too keen for it! there are some of them that are just like desperate for that kind of humiliation or opportuntiy to get gross and messy or even just to be used for something at all lmao so here's the ones i think are likely to be into getting a bit sticky 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: cumplay, nsfw obviously

arkham

absolutely the top candidate for this but maybe not even in a sexual way?

like he just instinctively wipes stains down his shirt, wipes his face and hands on it

so once he's finished eating you out or sucking you off whatever is left dribbling on his chin is getting smeared down his front

he wears the stains like a badge of honour, a symbol of his acheivements

he has his degrees and less-than-clean funds to show his intellectual prowess, he has his vest covered in your cum to display his other talents

dano

any and all bodily fluids please he doesn't care how they get on him but he's happy to be covered in them

blood, sweat, spit, tears, cum

he'll happily have them all smeared across his chest or his thighs

you could sit on his face and wipe yourself over his mask when you're done too if you want

as long as it's somewhere he can reach to dip his fingers into and get a taste of whatver you've left behind on him

twojar

feel like this guy is a huge fan of having you grind yourself on his thigh

like he'll make you hump out your orgasm yourself before he'll even consider touching you

and you better make sure that you leave a sticky little mess all over his pants

he better be able to feel it soaking through the fabric onto his skin, warm and wet

and he loves having you ride him and letting you spill yourself all over his abdomen

he just likes knowing you're completely satisfied, with physical evidence to prove it

zero year

he's maybe a bit hesitant to admit how much he likes being covered in your arousal

but if he was pressed, tortured to confess the truth, he'd have to confess to how much he loves being covered in you

trails, slick and glistening, all down his chest or his cheeks

smelling like you, tasting like you, long after the deed has been done

he likes to pretend he's in control and the dominant one, but tell him to get on his knees and let you smear yourself on him and he's there in a heartbeat

unburied

listen if it's not messy and sticky and the two of you aren't covered in cum and sweat and whatever else, then what was even the point?

feel free to wipe your fingers on him after you've been playing with yourself, as long as he can do the same

he's a bit of a showoff too, so however much of yourself you manage to wipe off on his shirt or pants or skin even

there's every chance he'll let those stains dry and keep wearing them even when people point them out

young justice

he'll literally do whatever you want him to do

you want to use his shirt? his tie? his face? to wipe yourself off with?

he's there, ready to clean up, at your service, dillgent and enthusiastic

i mean yeah he can be a cumrag, but he can be a little recepticle too, happy to lap up any spills

his purpose is to serve you and treat you like royalty, that's what he gets off on

[juniperhillpatient]

Alright I’m ready to review Terrifier 3. I’m giving it 3/5 stars. For context I’d give the first Terrifer 4/5 stars & I’d also give All Hallows Eve 3/5 stars. It should be obvious that Terrifer 2 is a masterpiece in the horror genre & objectively one of the greatest films of all time & deserves 5 billion stars & no one can contest that or they’re objectively wrong & didn’t understand the movie.

Okay fine & I’d give Terrifer 2 5 stars. At least.

(There’s no use getting into why All Hallows Eve got only 3 stars. It’s simply because Art wasn’t fully developed & it’s just a fun forgettable Indy slasher. It’s nice & all but it’s only earned iconic status thanks to Art & the Terrifer series so its low ranking is really pretty self explanatory.)

Here’s my short spoiler free review of Terrifer 3:

Positives:

The Sienna vs Art lore & dynamic continues to thrive & that’s really the most important part of this series. We learned so much about Art & the demon & Victoria Heyes & Sienna & her part in all this & her magic sword! Ahhh we learned so much about the lore surrounding that sword & also nothing at all. 4 better have more flashbacks with the dad!

I loved Beth’s ghost & Siennas struggle with PTSD & not knowing what’s real versus also she legitimately DOES know about a whole secret world most people would never believe! So well done & scary & I love Sienna more than ever.

The Sienna & Gabby & Sienna & Jonathan dynamics 🥺 Sienna is just a sweetheart who wants to take care of younger family members 😭 She can be brutal & violent but only when she needs to & to protect the people she loves! This movie really just made me want the world to be soft to Sienna & her loved ones 🥺 (obviously not ACTUALLY that would be boring but you guys know what I mean lol)

As always David Howard Thornton KILLS it (pun intended) as Art. His facial expressions & body language are brilliant!!!

Also I loved Victoria Heyes & the Joker & Harley if Joker & Harley were NC17 dynamic with her & Art.

This movie really upped the ante on grossness & creative kills. I love that Art doesn’t have a signature weapon & instead gets to be crazy creative. No other franchise is doing practical effects & death scenes like this.

Negatives:

This is harder to talk about without spoilers. Basically I’m a bit concerned that they’ve written themselves into a corner & I am not sure about some of the creative decisions & set up for 4. But perhaps I should trust the team’s vision. However, I also just feel like this one got off to a slow start & at times it just felt like they weren’t 100% sure where they were taking it & it just kept going in different directions at times idk.

Below the cut more detailed thoughts MAJOR SPOILERS

I hate that Jonathan died. Let’s get that out of the way. In my completely unbiased & correct opinion Sienna & Jonathan’s dynamic brought heart that was very much needed to the story. Without them you’ve got a slasher series like any other except a little more gory. There’s nothing wrong with that but for me personally, if I’m going to be truly invested, I need a sibling duo with ✨trauma ✨ some really interesting & compelling characters & dynamics to latch onto. Sienna & Jonathan brought something that the first movie lacked & the lore around Art & Sienna was what brought this franchise from campy fun to a genuinely compelling story with a complex world & a hero we want to root for.

I think the choice to kill Jonathan is interesting & I can understand WHY they did it especially after introducing Gabby but I do see some issues with this going forward (which I’ll explain shortly). Now Sienna has nothing. No ties to the world. Except…. She has Gabby & the desire to save her from whatever Hell dimension she was sucked into. Also, Gabby has the magic sword. I love that the sword can’t hurt Sienna btw! That bit at the end with her hands healing was sooo good!

Now…. Here’s the problem. I can understand why they felt like either Jonathan or Gabby had to die. And I can understand why Gabby, the adorable little cousin designed to bring out the humanity & softness in Sienna, got to live. Ish. BUT…, well what now? That’s my issue. They really can’t kill Gabby or else this entire journey will feel pointless & like a waste of emotional time & energy for the audience for Sienna to go through all that she’ll surely go through in 4 to save Gabby. So how will they raise the stakes?

Much like with Scream & Sidney I think audiences will reach a threshold where we don’t want Sienna to have anymore surprise important family. I’m sure 4 will have to have some new characters but it’s hard to imagine them showing us someone else Sienna will care about like Jonathan or Gabby given her familial ties & history with them.

And I want to say I obviously do like Gabby. I don’t see how anyone could see the way she adores & looks up to Sienna & NOT love her. Their dynamic is very sweet & there is a certain horror to someone so tiny & helpless being taken to some horrific hell dimension!

However, I think having Jonathan survive would’ve made more sense & either killing him in the last movie or (my personal preference) letting the Shaw siblings walk away from this bloody & damaged but alive & together would’ve been the move.

So, I’m curious what will happen in 4 & that’s all I got. I didn’t hate it but it was weak compared to 2 & even to 1.

[rontra]

your failteacher yuri AU is so so good. what's so frustrating about persona is that it has plenty of good ideas and characters that get absolutely wasted or mishandled by the actual narrative… like these two teachers. you write them with so much more respect than the games ever did. keep it up!

so as a general rule i don't tend to respond to this Genre of comment or really even enjoy it--as far as my own personal feelings r concerned, "you do [x] better than [source]" (in whatever ways it's phrased) is Not a compliment--but in this instance i gotta say it. they fucked up so bad and it makes me so madJDBHJJNSDB

so... just this once... i'll salute you... im at least glad people like my work and r enjoying a whiff of my beloved women without atlus sabotage ✊

i've said before that p3 hermit and p5 temperance are my favorite links--p5 temperance especially i think is really tight and has an interesting foundation. the actual narrative glue holding that thing together is strong. like the THING is that i don't have to go out of my way to find interesting and compelling material here (and i certainly don't have to make it up from whole cloth or anything)

i would hate for people to have the impression that i'm spinning this all out of nothing or that i hold the source In Contempt or whatever. obviously my concept/inciting incident is zany (haha) and i've added or tweaked a lot of smaller things to better facilitate this specific AU, but this story wouldn't have nearly the legs it does without the genuinely good material they put in those links, and i wouldn't bother making it at all if i didn't seriously love those characters...

...which i guess is kinda what makes it doubly frustrating... that in both cases they've just kind of stapled on some gross stuff that adds nothing (aside from ick factor of course) and doesn't fit with the rest... when "the rest" is genuinely compelling. not only is it a bad move on its own but also it drags down the otherwise good material around itself which is always annoying, yknow... like if it was Just All Bad i would at least be FREE 😭

anyway it's whatever it's whatever . i want to draw a chapter where they talk about their Deep Baggage sooo bad. and i can be like Look. Normal Hermit. Welcome To My Twisted Mind. Or Whatever

[thepunkmuppet]

ok I was thinking about the hatchet town cameos and I just completely made up a ship (and possibly a nightmare time episode??) and now I’m insane and I need it to be real

max / ziggs

THINK ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS

max comes across ziggy at night somewhere and wants to buy some weed, but ziggy says they don’t sell to bullies and max being max just straight up punches them in the face

they get caught by police and done for assault and selling drugs and end up doing community service together, and against all odds they fall in love.

ziggs helps max learn how to chill tf out for once in his life and be nice to people, and ziggs loves max’s passion about things and basically just sees him as a silly little guy just misunderstood also it’s his birthday etc. and despite his popularity literally everyone hates max so that is very new to him and it’s endearing as fuck

but yeah max is just having the crisis of a lifetime because ziggs is cool and relaxed and nice and non-binary (shock horror) and not like anyone he’s ever met before and WHY IS HE HAVING FLUFFY FEELINGS IT’S SO FUCKIN GROSS

seriously though just imagine their conversations. max at 100% volume talking shit and making stupid puns while ziggs is just like “yeah sick man :)”

also “HIS PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM BITCH” lives rent free in my head do you see my vision

I think the whole point of it would be the juxtaposition between them and Holy Ghost. as in grace technically killed him and turned him into a murderous ghost just because she liked him and and then literally fucked him to hell but ziggs just makes him a better person and a stoner and a cute boyfriend. minus whatever insane nightmare time plot there would be obviously but yeah :)

also idiots in love. THIS IS THE MAIN APPEAL TBH THEY ARE BOTH SO MIND-NUMBINGLY STUPID AND I LOVE THEM

also their ship name is either Smoky Ghost or Tie Die (get it get bc ziggy’s tie dye shirt and max’s ghost murdering do you get it do you get it I’m literally so proud of this you don’t understand)

but anyway MAX / ZIGGS THINK ABOUT IT!!!! I just think they should date ok repressed pansexual / bisexual / mlnb max jagerman is real to me

[yuurivoice]

I think alot of people are worried they'll make something you won't like because alot of creators are very stingy about what they're fans can and cannot make. (Not including NSFW or Ai creations)

Alot of fans don't wanna upset or make their favorite creator angry because their fanart doesn't adhere to their rules

Oh yeah, I get it and I appreciate the care. I try to elaborate and break down my perspective because in my experience there's some murky waters you can get into as a creator when you've got a budding community of really excited fans and you're really active engaging with the fan works. I've been through the ringer in that regard, from the ground up, so my approach is based on those years of experience.

I think a fandom of any sort should just be able to fool around and do their thing. While I have things I do and don't love........that shit ain't really my business, and no one should be creating anything on the basis of me seeing or feeling some type of way about their stuff. While the cozy we're all friends/family community vibes are fun and can be awesome, that shit will eventually lead to headaches that I don't want to deal with. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate or am not interested or anything, but I'm very wary of how excitable fans might react if one person gets "attention" and they do not, etc.

Which to a lot of folks might sound silly and like something that doesn't happen. Bubba, I promise you it has, it could, and it will again. Forever. Especially for something as personal and intimate as this particular niche.

90% of folks have always been excellent but the 10% has been nuclear and gross and not a great time. After a few trips around that block, I don't have the time and energy for any of that.

That might be a jarring change of pace for newer followers who might have other experiences and expectations from other communities and junk. Might even look like I'm a dick because I'm not falling over myself to engage with every post, but I've been in the trenches, have had uncomfortable parasocial interactions, have had people get weirdly possessive jealous and intense, have had a long list of shit that I now have very particular personal policies in place to ward off.

Saying all that to say, I don't concern myself with what people are up to so long as they aren't outright stealing shit without credit and passing it off as their own, or doing really obscene shit to harass folks. Otherwise, I think it's healthiest for all parties involved if I'm not stressing over what strangers on the internet want to make and they're not worried they'll upset me.

Obviously every creator is different and your mileage may vary from case to case. Shoutout to the folks who haven't had to deal with that and those who are chill. Perhaps I'm overly cautious at this point but I'm cool with that.

Basically, I get why folks would worry, and I'm trying to make it clear why that ain't a thing around here. It's one thing when people very specifically bring stuff TO me, or ask me something anonymously etc, but if you're just posting? You should be free to do whatever, that's not my business and you should be posting because you're having fun...not wondering what my dumb ass is gonna think about it. 😂

[noodyl-blasstal]

Obvious Plant - Day 4

Day 4 of @taznovembercelebration I drew the "plant" prompt, and drew a second ("bakery AU") to contextualise it

Read below or on Ao3, and find yesterday's here.

-

"Have you worked out how to ask out the hot florist yet?" Lup says, ducking into the kitchen.

"Taako doesn't know to whom you're referring." Taako replies tartly. How dare she level any accusations against him, in all his innocence, when she's mooning over the guy who runs the denim emporium. He has never once stared longingly at Kravitz, never even dreamed about giving him free cookies just to see him make his pleased face and praise Taako for his ingenuity.

"Oh, so Taako isn't at all interested to know that Barry gave cha’girl Kravitz's number because of the WhatsApp chat I’m setting up for people who run the businesses at the IPRE mall?" Lup peers round the kitchen door to gauge Taako's reaction.

So maybe that piques Taako's interest a little, because he truly wants to know but he's not rewarding her with the knowledge. Taako keeps his face impassive. "Obviously it's interesting, for business reasons."

"Oh for business reasons, is it? Do you have some business thoughts you'd like to share with him?"

"I do actually. Good ones. Great ones."

Lup looks at him intently. He keeps his mouth shut. She raises her eyebrows, gives him the look.

"I'm more interested in your sudden decision to spend more time talking to the dinguses we work near. You really want Grant to be able to message you after hours as well as stopping in to complain about people not wanting to spend $20 on his magic juice?" Taako's on the offensive now. He's got suspicions is the thing, big, likely accurate suspicions.

"I think it's important, you know, as a member of the sales community."

"As a member of the 'wants to fuck the denim man’ club." Taako mutters it, but she still hears. She always hears, he swears she can read his mind sometimes. It's not fair that she got extra twin powers.

"It's not about Barry."

"Oh, so you know exactly who I'm talking about?"

"There's only one shop which just sells denim, Taako, it was pure deduction."

Taako takes his turn to wait, silence works better on Lup than it does on him. She panics and fills it, he’s pretty much immune to the compulsion.

"No one else has anything denim. Who else would I assume it was?"

Taako side eyes her and keeps his mouth firmly shut.

"I asked for his number and then I panicked, alright? Is that what you want to hear?"

"You did what?" It’s impressive, actually, he’d assumed it was going to take years for her to finally pluck up the courage to start the steps of asking Barry out.

"I was being brave!" She says, defensively.

"Until you panicked and made up a fake reason and he thought it was true and now you have to get everyone else's numbers and actually engage with them?"

Lup thunks her head against the door frame. "He looked confused about why I was asking."

"I'm confused about why you were asking!"

"Shut up. You like him too."

"Taako does not want to fuck Barold J. Bluejeans of the Bluejeans Emporium!" How dare she? Taako wants to fuck plant goth Kravitz... McKravitz(??? Note to self, find out surname), thank you very much.

"I didn't say you did, just that you like him. He said you'd gone round a few times."

Traitor. How dare he mention anything about Taako to anyone? Clearly Barry couldn't be trusted. Taako needed to re-evaluate their friendship general acquaintance-ship.

"He's nice, isn't he?" Lup retreats from the safety of the kitchen, eyes shining with the joy of torturing Taako with her inability to be normal about this man. Or, you know, love and affection or whatever. She plonks herself down on the sofa next to Taako, jostling him in the process, definitely and absolutely on purpose. "Just, he's really kind. I like kind. But he's funny too, and so smart, and, well, you've seen his ass in those jeans."

Taako shoves her sideways. "No!! Gross. Illegal. You are, henceforth, forbidden from mentioning Bluejeans Butt ever ever again."

"You know I'm right though." Lup cackles from her prone position. She doesn’t even seem the teensiest bit sorry.

Taako grimaces in reply, he’s not sure she notices, but it helps cleanse him.

“So you have a choice, brother mine - wanna join the group chat?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t want to engage with anyone en masse, especially not the dinguses we surrounded ourselves with when we got the bakery. It should have come with a warning.”

“You don’t want to join even though Barry messaged Kravitz to check, and Kravitz said I could add him to the group, and that means you’ll be able to show off in the group chat until he messages you privately?”

The wheels in Taako’s brain turned quickly. “Fine… but I’m doing it for business purposes. For the good of the bakery! It’s a brave sacrifice.”

“Uh huh.” Lup wriggles and grabs her phone from her pocket. A few taps later and his is buzzing away on the bedside table.

Lup de Lup: Cake Hard with a Vengeance

Welcome Takko, everyone.

Barold of the Bluejeans Variety

Hail and well met!

What a complete nerd. (How dare he use their secret greeting without Taako’s permission.)

Magnuscles: Chairs and Dog Training

Hey Taako! So good to see you here!

Taako still wasn’t entirely sure how the puppy, gym, and woodworking combination business functioned and made money, but Magnus always seemed busy. Maybe he trained the dogs to be still enough for people to bench them?

Kravitz: Raven’s Plants

Welcome, Taako

Lup snorts and taps at her phone again.

Lup de Lup: Cake Hard with a Vengeance

Oh good, you’re online Krav! Taako’s actually got some business propositions to discuss with you.

“I have some fucking what now?” Taako’s going to murder her right to death.

Lup smiles, too wide and painfully innocent, “that’s what you said, Taako, remember? You’re joining for business purposes, you have some ideas that you wanted to share with him.”

Taako’s phone buzzes again.

Kravitz

Hi Taako,

I thought it was sensible to message you individually about the business propositions.

What are you thinking?

Kravitz.

Taako was screwed, royally boned, in fact.

“He messaged me.”

“Good. That’s what I thought he’d do. He’s very efficient.” Lup says, cheerfully, happily, as if it isn’t a problem, as if she hasn’t just shoved him off a cliff without a parachute or a dinghy or whatever sounds worse and like more of a betrayal of her beloved brother.

“He messaged me about my business proposition.”

“You said you had a business idea, a good one, a great one!” Lup sounds too sweet for her to be anything but fucking with him right now. “Wait! You… you weren’t lying were you Taako? I’m shocked, shocked and astounded! I thought you were going to revolutionise the field of cake plants.”

“We are, actually.” Taako stands up and stomps out of the room. They will, too. Just as soon as he figures out how.

–

“Did you reply to Kravitz yet?” Lup flops down on his bed next to him.

“You didn’t knock.”

“You never do.”

“It’s different.”

“How exactly is it different?”

“I’m having feelings.”

“And I don’t have feelings?”

“It’s different.”

“Because you are a uniquely tortured creation?”

“Because you opened the door and kicked me through it and then laughed at me about it while I tried to claw my way back out of the pit but you didn’t offer me a ladder.”

“I think you might have mixed your metaphors there.”

“Nope, it’s a pit with a door. A fancy pit, for fancy boys.”

“Well I don’t have a ladder to throw down.”

“Hmm.” Taako takes out his phone. “I guess in that case.” He taps at the screen. “I’d better pull you down with me.” Taako hits send.

Taako: Cake Hard with a Vengeance

Thanks everyone. Glad Lup set this group up so I could talk business with Kravitz and she could proposition Barold too.

Taako: Cake Hard with a Vengeance

About business, obviously.

“Taako!” Lup stares at her phone, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Welcome to the pit!”

Lup’s phone buzzes in her hand. “He messaged me. About my proposition. He’s excited about working together.”

“Great. Now you can just tell him what your idea is.”

“I… I don’t… I didn’t.”

“Once again, welcome to the pit!”

“Fuck.” Lup pauses. “I like that he messaged me.”

“I like that plant goth messaged me.”

They lie side by side, sigh in tandem, and stare up at the constellation of elderly glow in the dark stars plastered on Taako’s ceiling.

“Plant brownies?”

“Illegal.”

“Not that kind of plants!”

There’s another pause.

“Is jookies anything?”

Taako wants to scoff, he does, but... “Fuck. I think it actually is.”

“HA! Suck it!” Lup leaps off the bed and performs a triumphant victory lap. “I’m out of the pit, bye loser!” She flips him a final finger before diving out of the door.

It’s fine. Taako can think of something. Cakes and plants, flowers, cakes. Flower cakes… cake flowers…

Taako

You bet your sweet butt Taako has a business proposal for you.

Kravitz

My sweet butt? Been paying it a lot of attention have you?

Shit. He wasn’t supposed to ask questions, he was just supposed to tell Taako what a genius he was.

Taako

Stay on topic Kraveroo, cha’boy’s about to make us millionaires. Hear me out: cake bouquets.

Kravitz

I think they’re a thing already?

Taako

Nuh uh.

Kravitz

I mean, yuh huh.

Kravitz, rude bitch that he is, sends a link to a Google result page. Maybe they are a thing, maybe Taako should have checked.

Taako

I don’t see any copyright. Or any sign that you already offer the service.

Taako

Or is this your way of saying you don’t want to work with Taako?

Kravitz

No

Kravitz

Not no to working together, no to saying I don’t want to work with you, because I want to work with you, I’d love to.

Kravitz

Cake bouquets, sounds great! Good! Original, even!

Kravitz

Why don’t we meet up to discuss the plans?

Kravitz

Over dinner?

Kravitz

Unless you have plans for dinner?

Taako

Are we going on a date, Kravitz?

Kravitz

We can be? If you’d like to be?

Kravitz

Or it can be a business date

Kravitz

Business meeting

Kravitz

An appropriate thing for colleagues to do.

Kravitz

Colleagues who don’t want to date.

Taako

You don’t want to date Taako?

Kravitz

Now I didn’t say that, did I?

Kravitz

Unless you don’t want to date.

Kravitz

In which case, no

Taako rolls onto his stomach and kicks his feet up. This idiot gets so flustered every time they talk, it’s hard not to mess with him, but he’s going to try.

Taako

Taako certainly didn’t say that - dinner sounds great.

Taako

But more importantly, I’ve had another great idea:

Taako

You could sell pots for plants.

Kravitz

Incredible! Another great idea.

Taako

Have you considered that on Valentines day people might like to buy roses?

Kravitz

Revolutionary! Do you have any other great ideas?

Taako

You’ll have to find out at dinner, stud.