#... i didn't mean to ramble my bad
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I know Heimerdinger's Christian Linke's favorite character, and I sort of tolerated it in s1, but now it feels like things are a little too indulgent. Heimerdinger gets to team up with Ekko to launder his reputation through Ekko and the Firelights. Heimerdinger gets the first narrative game and second character teaser in the promotional cycl. Heimerdinger gets to SING A SONG that's included on the s2 Arcane soundtrack (Spin the Wheel).
Maybe I'd be less annoyed if the show at least did more to acknowledge Heimerdinger's failings as a leader, but his character description can't even do that. This is how the official Arcane website describes Heimerdinger:
"Heimerdinger warned the Piltover Council about the dangers of using magic without tangible solutions for safeguarding its use. Learning from his mistakes with Jayce, Heimerdinger inspires Ekko to keep looking for a solution and works with him to solve the problem, instead of just offering advice."
That's not Heimerdinger's main problem! The problem is the fact he's the person most singularly responsible for the state of Zaun and Piltover. It feels like the show and the cast are just dancing around the fact that Heimerdinger technically has the highest body count in the show (Day of Ash, pollution, extreme poverty, etc). The one time someone puts him to task (Jayce), the show makes it seem like Jayce is wrong or overstepped, and yeah he did do it for Viktor's sake, but Jayce was right! Heimerdinger's bad at his job, he shouldn't be in a leadership position if he's a bad leader.
#arcane#arcane ramble#heimerdinger#they probably didn't include heimer in the scene where the council gives the greenlight for enforcers#to shakedown zaun#but inaction is still a choice it's still a failing politically and morally#it still makes him look bad and i don't know if the showrunners really get WHY#that's why the decision to have Ekko be paired with Heimerdinger is so baffling#it ignores the weight of the Heimerdinger's impact as a leader and is frankly a disservice to Ekko's character#and really any character from zaun or even piltover that cannot take the 2 nanoseconds it requires to recognize how heimerdinger failed them#and the explanation that ekko respects heimerdinger as an inventor and they connect as such is kind of ridiculous#does that mean if silco had an engineering degree suddenly he and ekko could be bffs?#alright I've said my piece about this oversized troll doll#maybe I'll say more after s2#almost definitely#also I'll always be on Jayce's side for kicking heimerdinger out#he was objectively rught that heimerdinger shouldn't be there#Heimerdinger's still president of the Academy he's just not council member#why work in policy if you're uniterested politics?
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Done with our favorite Spider-Boy! Spiderling? Spider... What was his name again?
Avengers paper cutout 6/?
#avengers paper cutout project#art#sorry it's been FOREVER since I did a thing for this series lol#lowkey I've had this done for like... a month... maybe 2 months...?#and just didn't post it because I wasn't 100% happy with it#but well. when someone has a bad day and you want to cheer them up a little you can't be chasing perfection I guess#I also want to do more bird art soon!#just haven't been feeling creative lately due to Certain Life Events:tm:#but today was the first decent day I've had in a while where I didn't go home and then immediately fall into a doom scroll spiral on the co#the couch#stupid tag word limit#anyway yeah hopefully you'll be hearing a little more from me soonish#and by soonish i mean like another 2 weeks probably...#look even when I'm feeling decent I am SLOOOOOOW at this lmao#uhh anyway there's only natasha left out of the OG6 so she's up next#actually probably similar color scheme for peter assuming it'll be a black gun on the hourglass bg#but I kinda hate the black lol it makes the edges look so bad!#we'll see maybe I'll find a picture of her with a different looking gun and use that as an excuse#enough tag rambling I need to post this and then get ready for bed lol#hope y'all enjoy my silly little art#which i guess is kinda seasonally appropriate now??#IGNORE MY RAMBLING UP THERE THIS WAS MY SECRET PLAN ALL ALONG MHM MHM I PLANNED THIS SO WELL
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crying over a death of a fictional character or an animal in movies / tv shows is socially acceptable but being sad over the death of a real human being is weird??? social media has rotted away people's brains fr
#today i saw a crushed snail omw to uni and got sad about THAT#ofc i'm gonna feel sad about the death of a human being as well tf#“you didn't know him!!” so???#i also barely knew my own grandfather but still cried at his funeral#just because you don't know someone personally it doesn't mean it's weird to feel bad when something tragic happens to them#we genuinely need to work on getting people to remember what it's like to feel fucking sympathy#crys' rambling#one direction
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I just think its interesting how at the very end of the story, we see Merlin walking past Avalon, the place where he sent off Arthur all those centuries ago. There are many different ways the scene could've went on to display his everlasting loyalty. It easily could've been a scene where maybe Merlin was with his wife and a kid who was named after Arthur, or he became a historian/scholar who kept the Arthurian legends alive after everything he went through or maybe even a physicist trying to build a time machine, find a loop in time to go back and fix the past.
But no.
We see him all alone, old and unequivocally miserable. No longer meddling with fate nor trying anything at all. Lost in a world beyond time that no man should live past or would even be able to comprehend. We see that he never moved on from Arthur, having somewhat a glimmer of hope deep within him. Nobody speaks about how insanely difficult it must have been to have hope especially when you have no end to your own life. As mortals, we can't even bear grief for a short period of time. Yet, Merlin lived the cursed life of an immortal, a life where he will only keep losing everyone he's ever loved. A life full of grief.
In the modern world shown, nobody even believes in magic or practises it and yet he...still believes that someday Arthur will return to him. In the past, he reiterates that he just wants Arthur to see that everything he does is for him. He tells Hunith that Arthur only likes him because he doesn't know him. We see he acknowledges that Arthur is doing acts of service because he likes him yet Merlin couldn't be satiated because he still wasn't his true self to Arthur. To be seen and known for who you truly are is to be loved, that is all he ever wanted from Arthur, even from the very beginning of their relationship.
"You never once sought any credit"
"Its not why I do it"
During the magic reveal, he said "I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you.", still desperately wanting it to be known that his entire life was devoted to Arthur. There was no talk about legalising magic and whatnot between them either after that. He only kept repeating that he was born to serve Arthur. We see in real time just how much he meant when he said "There will never be another like you, Arthur." Evidently, he meant that Arthur is the Once and Future King but it also plays out for Merlin, because there never was anyone like Arthur in his life after that. To the point where he could find no purpose upon losing Arthur.
And yes he keeps saying that its his destiny to be Arthur's servant, that he grew up and learned the meaning of duty but is that really all it is? Towards the end, it was apparent that Merlin's objective was no longer for magic to be accepted in Camelot (as much as he wanted it). Ever since he found out about Arthur's Bane, it was all about keeping him alive. Even when the great dragon told him that there is nothing he could do anymore, Merlin could not accept to lose Arthur. "I can't lose him, he's my friend." It didn't matter that magic isn't legal yet in Camelot. He could not give two fucks about it anymore or else we would've seen magic in the future scene. One can assume that he completely stopped trying to find a solution. Or even lost the will to live.
What I'm trying to say is that, the final scene really is more than just an epilogue to show his loyalty, immortality and despair. If you think about it for a moment, it shows that somewhere along all the fights, snide remarks, banter, and what he and Arthur think isn't exactly a friendship, - they're stupid, don't mind that - he was in love with Arthur. And Arthur loved him in return even in the face of death as the truth came crumbling down. Its not as simple as 'falling in love' because, I don't think Merlin woke up one day and realised that he was inconveniently in love with the idiot arrogant prince who was tied to him by fate.
Their love was inevitable but it definitely stopped becoming destiny and duty a long time ago, it became a choice. "I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die". Merlin was, and I quote "putting up" with Arthur not because it was his life sentence to do so; it was because he wanted to. The worst thing of all is: Merlin chose to do it for the rest of his life.
#didn't mean to ramble like that my bad#i was thinking#i will not do it again#merthur brainrot is real#warn ur friends#walk with me#today i will wear my white button down#merthur#bbcmerlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#bbc merthur
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Someday I'm going to figure out how to cohesively translate my oc stuff from unhinged discord/notesapp rambles into an actual informational post. Someday.
If you bother with zooming in to read these screenshots um. Thank you for your interest lol. Send me asks if you want. I will talk about these guys if prompted. I will also talk about my general ultrakill/heaven/angel headcanons if. If you want. I have a normal amount of those. I'm very normal in general about this game you see.
#my art#roadkill rambles#ultrakill oc#michael ultrakill#raphael ultrakill#I don't think I've ever posted about him oops#gabriel ultrakill#lucifer ultrakill#if you can tell I have favorites um#nuh uh#diedre ultrakill#I've definitely never posted about her#sorry for being cringe#actually no I'm not fuck you#my bad I didn't mean it you're probably lovely#I'm still not sorry though
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Because I constantly get hate for WDYW Chapter 49,
(I get it, it's polarizing) allow me to like,,, explain why I went with the plot point? I don't really owe anyone an explanation, and literally fuck any of my haters, they're ants, but I think my readers/people who actually like my writing would like to know the lore behind my choices.
So, context, in chapter 49, Frisk is drugged into obedience by Muffet and Muffet, being the money hungry cunt that she is, sells Frisk's body on the black market. It's a really uncomfortable concept, and when it happened it caused a lot of readers to drop the fic or rant at me in the comments, talk shit about my fic in private forums behind my back, or even imply a bunch of horrible things about me as a person lmao.
So why did I decide to go with this plot?
Well, for one, it all stems from two books: The Hunger Games, Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins and the Empress by S.J Kincaid.
In both of these books, there is a pivotal character who is drugged, manipulated and used for political gain by a dastardly authority figure. In The Empress, this plot point was ESPECIALLY devastating, because it completely changed and corrupted the character into a horrific shell of their old self to where they were actively antagonistic and irredeemable!
This plot device has intrigued and fascinated me ever since. Drugging a protagonist to make them wholly dependent on their abuser/villain, manipulating them, having them at rock bottom is, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen to a character... And seeing how the character can overcome it is the greatest triumph!
Ever since reading these books, this plot device has buzzed in the back of my mind and there is a part of me that always tries to recreate it, but I can never come close to perfecting it.
Either I always miss on the addiction part of the manipulation, or I can never commit truly to character corruption. Either way, the closest I've ever gotten to scratching this itch has been in WDYW part 3, but even then, I barely came close to getting it right.
My second reason for choosing the route; In WDYW, Frisk's whole arc is about having control over her own agency/autonomy/fate. What happens to her in Part 3 is the culmination of everything she's ran away from, fought against, and her greatest nightmare come to life. It was the lowest point I could bring her character, and make her face her past demons in a horrifically evil way. But my plan had obviously been that despite all of the torture she survives, that she not only survives but fucking WINS!
That was the whole point, but when I wrote it I was like,,, 17/18 😅, so there was definitely things I wasn't as graceful about.
With that said, would I change anything? Yes. If I could change anything I wrote about part 3, I would do a couple things:
1. Take out that obedience spell Muffet puts on Frisk. The reason I made that was because it was like a catch all spell to keep Frisk in Muffets clutches? But it was pretty OP and seemed like a hand wavey excuse to brush aside plot holes. I should've just simplified the spell to where she was simply tethered to Muffet's soul so Sans couldn't kill Muffet, or teleport Frisk away.
2. Frisk's "obedience" to Muffet should've been entirely addiction based, which would make the plot point of Frisk using determination to burn out her addiction in Part 4, and then eventually Determination becomes the addiction instead, (because overcoming addiction is really fucking hard actually and a constant struggle) a lot stronger.
3. I would probably be much more careful with my word choice in chapter 49. Some of it comes off as sexualization. Not my intention, but it was because I was writing in the creepy photographer's pov and he was objectifying her. In my head I was like, "surely people can read between the lines right???" (They can't. Only a select few fanfic readers have media literacy apparently)
So, TLDR, No chapter 49 was not some author's barely disguised fetish (that's honestly a really gross way to think about my writing and about me as a person) it was my genuine worst nightmare as a woman, and one of my favorite plot devices from two of my favorite books 😭 Please lay off me about chapter 49, and Part 3.
Last but not least... Some art is meant to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed.
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#I got a mean comment and it's been bothering me in a way no other mean comment has#I'm just sick about hearing people's reactive opinions about my choices in my story I wrote for fun that people get to read for free#it was a perfectly valid route for the story to go it just made you uncomfortable#that's not bad storytelling#You just didn't take my tags seriously#wdyw#frans#underfell sans#underfell frans#underfell frisk#mob talks#mob rambles#what do you want#fanfic#underfell#undertale#frisk x sans#and like honestly I've been having a really bad month#I had to go to the ER#I've been in so much fucking physical pain#that this comment I recieved really bothered me and struck an already distraught nerve#also I was fucking 17 when I wrote wdyw#and when I published my first book#what has any of my haters actually accomplished besides scrolling tik tok pissing their pants and complaining?
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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here's the thing. yes, some pieces of art are "better" than others. there are many criteria you can measure that with--technical skill, creativity, clarity, conceptual depth, successful execution of the artist's intentions, etc., and i do think it's useful to clarify which ones you're using as a measuring stick. but like, of course you can evaluate art. of course you can be critical (in the "art critic" sense) of art. (among other things, that's one of the most important ways to get better at making art yourself.)
however. when it comes down to evaluating what gets to count as art. what art even gets to have a seat at the table. i will go to bat for the thing that isn't as "good" every single time.
you can say you think a piece of art is bad. you can say you think it lacked technical skill, or clarity, or conceptual depth, and you consider those important elements of a successful work. i might even agree with you. but if you think that means it doesn't matter, someone is going to die on this hill and it isn't going to be me
#this is not apropos of anything#or like directed at anyone in particular#just to be clear#i just had a Thought that triggered something in my art student brain and made this click#because i am being trained how to critique and evaluate art. i know how to objectively and subjectively judge whether something is 'good'#('good' in scare quotes bc that is such a vague metric. i tend to use 'successful' more often)#but the second someone calls something 'bad art' or 'not even art' i will be ready to back it up instantly#and i realized that it boils down to acting like something doesn't matter because it has failed to meet a certain standard#i think all art matters. i think that doodle of a cat you drew in the corner of your math notebook matters#i think that poem you wrote when you were in second grade matters#i think that song you made up and recorded on a voice memo and then cringed when you listened to it later matters#i also think those abstract expressionist artists that everyone loves to hate on matter btw#their art doesn't speak to me that strongly but that doesn't mean it didn't have anything to say#everyone has something to say. and you can have opinions about what they said or how they said it#but you don't get to tell them to stop talking#that includes when that someone is yourself btw#anyway#this has been my monthly-or-so evening ramble#i've been overdue for one honestly#stars has thoughts
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Every show on planet earth, regardless of genre, needs a scene where the characters inexplicably become a rock band and perform a song together. The song should slap and the scene should fuck and the event should be referenced the absolute minimum number of times in canon. Preferably never again
#ramblings of a lunatic#this both goes for the owl house but also i mean it when i say every show#i mean every show from my little pony to greys anatomy to breaking bad#it probably already happened in star trek BUT IF IT DIDN'T#shouting out various of my mutuals shows as well#it should happen in warrior nun and in house md and in chainsaw man and. yknow it's probably already happened in jojo too...#either way every show on earth needs one scene like this. government MANDATED
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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Still packing stuff and now i'm looking for a box for this.
My dad and i made it a few years ago for halloween, probably 2015/16 if i'm remembering right. It's made from a lays can, a wipes container from his work, and paper maché. I don't remember what the wires and front metal bits are from, but the middle actually lights up! It has one of those long battery-powered emergancy lights in it and some colored tissue paper
#lee rambles#I gotta fix the metal bits on the front#they keep coming out of place and drooping down. maybe some hot glue'll work since i don't want to melt the styrofoam under the paper#I went as Chell that year#with a shitty handmade Aperature Science shirt lol#Also as a sidenote since i'm already talking a bunch in the tags#I have no idea if we're actually going to be able to afford to move or not#so we're kinda thinking about staying where we are and seeing how things go over the next few years#i know it's in my dad's will to sell but with how expensive rentals are i doubt we'd be able to afford 2k+ a month on top of our other bills#I just hope my Uncle doesn't give us too much shit about it. We didn't get much from the life insurances he had#definitely not enough to live on for long on its own#but 800 a month for the house is a lot more doable than 2000#we don't want to end up having to kill ourselves working just to make ends meet. That's probably what would happen if we moved#i dunno#just... thinking a lot about the future. I honestly hope we stay#It'd get rid of a lot of stress if we stayed. We'd still get rid of a bunch of things but... it'd be easier.#We weren't even really allowed to grieve. once the funeral was over we just had to start packing our lives away.#i'm a little bitter about it really. They've gotten to grieve and be away from the situation. We've had to be there the whole time.#We might've all been there the day he passed but they weren't there for his bad days. They weren't there helplessly watching as he slowly#got more and more tired. and sick. and depressed.#I don't know what we're going to do.#I didn't mean for this to turn all venty. sorry about that if you've read this far
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It feels like I'm being punished for liking Izzy
The show, the crew, even djenks put so much effort into (especially this season) making you like Izzy and want to see his character arc and how he'll grow and-
Right in the middle of it, he dies.
For no reason other than to speed run Ed's character development
Like why did the show and David Jenkins put so much work into making me care if they were just going to kill him off in such a cheap way
It's like a stab in the back from a show that has put so much effort into avoiding the pitfalls of how media usually treats it's queer characters
#my ramblings#this entire season has clearly been rushed due to budgeting issues and this just feels like the final straw#izzy hands#ofmd#ofmd s2 spoilers#im just disappointed#i was so excited during s1#even the bad stuff felt like it meant something!#this didn't mean anything
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It's not my fault
It's not my fault
It's not my fault
It's not my fault
#im sorry for her#i didn't want her to leave#but i didn't do anything#i cant help the way my body looks#in fact i hate it most days#but its not my fault#i didn't mean to make her feel bad#i didn't mean to make her insecure#i just wanted to take the girls to the pool#cal rambles#tre talks
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just saw a fic tagged both as a #fix-it fic (for the noncanon gay pair) and as #widowed character (implying the character's beloved canonical wife died somehow). motherfucker, spousal death is NOT a fix-it! STOP fridging women just bc you find them inconvenient for their husbands' relationship statuses!! give me lavender marriages, infidelity, miscommunication, polycules, or any other form of complex dynamic but for the love of GOD stop killing them off for the combined benefit of avoiding unconventional and/or uncomfortable dynamics and also allowing you to focus on that sweet sweet man pain in your shitty fic. the next person to do this owes every wife on earth $500
#i'm a silm fan i understand the concept of schrödinger's wife and as long as she isn't central to his character i am fine with writing her#out or ignoring an unnamed and/or entirely irrelevant cardboard cutout written by a male author who didn't care to flesh her out BUT idk if#she's unnamed or has screentime - if she literally haunts the narrative to the point that her picture is one of the last shots of the film#and the mc can't even bear to speak of missing her due to grief - SHE'S PRETTY IMPORTANT!!!#also wanna clarify i am not and will never be a wife but i feel like people who do this needs to pay whatever $500 times 2.6 billion is to#every affected woman. my calculations didn't include data on how many married women on earth married each other so wlw get a bonus i guess#len speaks#god. i really need to go get drunk and smoke one million cigarettes bc i'm so fucking agitated over a fic summary. hypomania makes me such#a mean cunt. in addition to me spending too much money being stupidly hypersexual and being unable to concentrate on literally everything i#really want to throw down. and even knowing that i'm STILL ANNOYED. but hey i've literally never left a mean comment on a bad fic so i'd#rather preemptively block and vent here. more like ramble here apparently god i need to take a shot#delete later
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watched all the available episodes of sousou no frieren today and surprised myself with how much i enjoyed it so i want to leave my thoughts here before i forget them; i think it would've been a lot more enjoyable if i was catching it from the start, but i ended up crying more than several times anyway
it's such a good concept to begin with, the storytelling is so compelling, and i really enjoyed the atmosphere in every episode. the worldbuilding is very good, we never really get exposition dumped but we learn things as the characters do, which keeps things believable and easy to stomach... plus, we always see stories about the defeat of the demon king, and much less the story of the aftermath, which got me interested in it in the first place. and especially when you add in the factor of time as a matter of inconsequence to frieren in comparison to everyone else especially with her personality... it's so satisfying seeing the exploration of things like the delicate balance between memories of the past and their inability to be changed with how they have influenced and shaped growth (of both the characters and the world) into the present, the passing of time and its varying (in)significance to the characters caught in its flow, the transience of life and (the learning of) what it means to live...
even then the flow of time passing is animated so well; there's this relentlessness to its passing, but despite that it flows like a calm river, clear and constant and steady, never hurrying, never drying. and mage's comment about it showcasing perfectly how frieren stays the same despite time passing is really neat too. on the flip side seeing how things have changed over time (the borrowing, adaptation, improvement of spells from demons which then go on to be adopted by mages is something i really fucking liked!! and the way fern uses the magic so casually as a way to demonstrate the development of magic turning a death spell into 'ordinary offensive magic' is so so good. frieren using this to teach her a history lesson was Also really good.)
it's hard to dislike any of the main characters when they show such strong cohesion of their complex pasts and personalities, and their actions do so well to showcase who they are even in battle (fern's precision and blunt simplicity stands out here). you can even see how they have changed each other over the course of their journey... frieren wanting to give up on finding the lost ring so not to slow the party down but fern insisting they'll stay until she finds it contrasting with her impatience with frieren spending months trying to find the blue moon weed at the beginning of their journey is something that stuck with me a lot
the other thing that stuck with me is the rebuilding of the original party not only thematically within their roles but also in influence by the original heroes (fern being taught by frieren and their noted similarity in the earlier episodes with regards to magic, stark being taught by eisen and the same way they express and approach fear, sein's choice not to become an adventurer being directly influenced by heiter not to mention their obvious similarities in habits)... and of those it's really fitting how frieren represents himmel's hero role now after she was influenced by her journey with himmel, especially with his death giving immense meaning to her new journey and frieren copying his actions because it's what he would do
but i enjoyed it... will be back next week..... waha.............
#blue/-#blue/nemophila#nemophila-thoughts#nemophila/frieren#nemophila/fern#nemophila/stark#nemophila/sein#nemophila/himmel#i know everyone in the frieren tag is like talking about ships and everything but i didn't even focus on that while i was watching at all#himmel's love for frieren is important thematically so i'm a lot more aware of that but i think this impact is stronger if it's unrequited#i mean. frieren aro represent wahoo but also i hope she comes to understand what it means to himmel even if she never returns the feelings#i think this is one of those pieces of media where au won't ever hit as hard because the canon has all the pieces laid out for it#how are you going to recreate the same feeling in an au... i think i get it now..........#still i think in regards to the characters. it's easy to enjoy all of them and their complexities even as they slowly reveal them#stark being a coward but then we reveal that he doesn't think being afraid is bad and also the burden of his past weighing on him#also the fact that he just. has never been showed kindness like getting a birthday present leading into his awkwardness w fern's birthday#he kinda just ticks a lot of my boxes. also he's kobayashi chiaki#sein's hesitance to join the party but then becoming someone they can depend on when frieren's disconnect is a bit more obvious#it's like 2am i don't think my rambling is even coherent any more. good night
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sometimes i forget that being depressed isn't normal honestly
#bambi's rambling#i mean like it's normal for me and has been for years#possibly always#like i remember crying myself to sleep and thinking no one loved me at like age five#i just didn't really understand the concept until like. fifteen or sixteen i think#at one point i looked up an online 'are you depressed' quiz#even before my mom put me in therapy cause she was concerned#but it said i had 'mild depression' so i was like oh well that doesn't really count obviously#(the ironic part was that it was the same test that the therapist used to see if i was depressed. so apparently it was legitimate)#but like i dont know how not to be depressed#i know its getting worse lately but like. what do i do about that#i'm so horrendously uncomfortable talking about this kind of thing even in online settings#like there's a 50/50 change imma delete this instead of posting it it's that bad#prolly gonna delete this even if i do post it#how am i supposed to get help when i can't even ask for it. that kinda thing#not like it matters all that much anyway lmao#it's just my brain being stupid like normal#vent#tw vent#tw depression#tw mental illness#cw depression#cw mental health
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