#-the wrongs that were done to me. or maybe because im no longer 16 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

achoonihaachu · 3 years ago

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God Must Hate Me; Ch. 2

A/N: Hello beautiful people! Thank you so much for the love you showed the first part of the series! II’ve made a few changes to the plot and it’s looking like this is definitely going to be longer than 3 chapters... sooo... get ready for the massive angst dump about to happen in future chapters! I hope you enjoy chapter two and I would love to get requests or feedback for the future work I plan on doing for the OM! fandom <33 Again, thank you so much to @its-dari for letting me take inspiration from her post of the "replaced mc au"!

pairings: Simeon x mc, Solomon x mc, Diavolo x mc, Demon Brothers x mc (platonic... for now), Luke x mc (PLATONIC!), MC x Fem!OC

warnings: cursing, possibly triggering! insinuated eating disorder (just a tad bit, okayy? :( im sorryy!), verbal abuse, gaslighting (if you squint,, maybe), possible future spoilers for chapter 16, not proofread well </33

reminder: you are loved, you are deserving of love, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise! i’m so proud of you, even if you think you’ve done nothing to warrant that, i’m proud of you okay >:(( ur amazing and beautiful and *chefs kisses* ily <333

“Would you like to move to Purgatory Hall indefinitely?”

“I apologize for my next choice of words but Diavolo, what the fuck?!”

“Did I say something wrong?”

You didn’t know how to reply. You were sure you knew your friends pretty well by now. You knew how Barbatos brewed his super special tea. You knew of how Luke slept with a pillow he brought from the Celestial Realm because he got homesick. You knew how Simeon would switch out pots when Solomon cooked dinner because he didn’t want to risk everyone getting food poisoning after. You could go on and on about everyone else but to put it simply, you knew every little secret all your friends had.

Yet, it still astonishes you how these beings manage to say something so potentially life changing with the same level of nonchalance as if they had just mentioned the weather to you.

Everyone stared at you with expectant, hopeful eyes but you simply sighed, “I’ll think it over tonight.” You state. You could almost feel Luke vibrating with excitement. He knew that this was his big opportunity to finally convince you to live with them in Purgatory Hall now.

Diavolo smiled at you with understanding, Barbatos standing poised behind him with an unreadable expression, “Alright well, you can text me your decision first thing in the morning,”

Luke refused to let you leave Purgatory Hall after that. You were basically guilt tripped into spending the night with the other exchange students sans Yuki. You had to face the girl’s wrath through a call, though it felt more like jealousy mixed than anger. She whined for a good 10 minutes about having made plans to stay up all night with you to binge watch a cutesy anime she found but she settled with doing that after your Ristorante Six dinner. She said goodbye to you and to the others in Purgatory Hall and then she hung up. Diavolo and Barbatos left shortly after, mentioning that they had business to deal with and after steeling through your own set of puppy dog eyes, they bid you farewell and disappeared into the night.

You didn’t see the glares on their faces when they turned. You didn’t see how they didn’t walk back to the Demon Lord’s Castle. They head over to RAD, late at night, to settle a few of the many files and paperwork that dealt with everything happening to you.

You remained blissfully unaware of the growing tension plaguing the House of Lamentation.

With Luke happily snoring away with his head leaning against your chest, you turn to look at the other side of the couch to see Solomon asleep with his arm propped up on the arm rest. Turning to look back down to Luke, you saw Simeon still awake with his attention turned to you, the television droning on in the background, making for perfect ambience, “(MC), I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries when I say this but… I believe it’s for the best if you move into Purgatory Hall with us.” He says, voice soft as if he were afraid that he'd scare you away if he raised his voice any louder.

You sat up slightly, careful to not wake the sleeping angel against you, “Simeon, I-” You started, only to be cut off by Simeon’s raised hand, “Let me explain why.” He says, expression hopeful as he practically asks you for permission with his eyes.

You bite your lip, silent for a few beats before you nod. Simeon nods back, “Solomon and I have been worried for you for months now. You seemed so stressed when you came to school from the House of Lamentation. You always had something occupying your thoughts, and you’ve started to practically deteriorate in front of our eyes. We weren’t joking when we said we love you, (MC). We can’t stand seeing you like this.” He paused for a moment.

“The brothers, Lucifer especially, have always been like this. They’re… They’re good at being selfish and they toss out the old for the new. I’m not saying that you’re old news, honestly we, including Lord Diavolo and Barbatos, would pick you over Yuki any day, but the demon brothers… Well, they’re not known as the Seven Avatars of Sin for nothing. What I'm trying to say is that we’ll treat you right here in Purgatory Hall. You’d be loved, treasured the way you should be. You can stop pretending to be content living with beings that bring you so much pain. I’d give anything to see you be the same happy (MC) you used to be.”

You felt your eyes prickle with salty tears, “Simeon… I’m sorry for worrying you. I- I just thought that… that… I’m sorry.” you whisper and in that moment, Simeon knew that you were broken. He’s lived many a centuries, he’s witnessed great floods, mass genocide by other humans. He’s witnessed the births and deaths of so many humans from his place in the Celestial Realm. He… He saw great sorrow when the brothers first fell after the Great Celestial War. He felt that sorrow and pain himself when he simply watched on the sidelines.

He knows a broken being when he sees one, and he saw one in that moment.

He gently moves Luke, whose arms are wrapped tightly around his white satin pillow, to lie down on the sofa as he kneels in front of you. You hiccup quietly, eyes still brimming with tears. You stop yourself from blinking. You refuse to let these tears fall. You refuse to let yourself cry over demons who couldn’t appreciate all the sacrifices you’ve made for them.

He stares up at you, concerned, as he opens his arms to you. You hesitate before lowering yourself to the floor and reluctantly bury your face into the fabric of his black shirt. He smells vaguely of citrus and soap, you know the generic kind he bought because his skin would break out in rashes when he tried the different scents offered in the Devildom stores. You sniffle lightly, eyes still blurry as a few traitorous tears slipped from their place.

You cursed those salty tears for sullying Simeon’s pristine clothes.

Simeon slowly rubbed circles on your back, whispering words of comfort as he held you in his arms. Your body wracked with every silent sob, your breathing quickly becoming shallow as your nose grew runny. Now, you definitely forbade yourself from getting your snot on Simeon’s clothes. You cry quietly against his chest, your sobs slowly weakening and slowing after what seemed like hours but was more like a few minutes.

“I’m truly sorry for worrying you, Simeon. I- I just… I love them, y’know? And I love Yuki. God, I can’t even hate Yuki because she’s so lovely but what have I ever done to be punished like this? To be unloved like this after all I’ve given for those fools?!” You cry out weakly.

You find solace in the angel in front of you.

And for once after a long while, you’re glad to have been chosen for this program because… You got to meet Simeon.

You woke up, head pounding, in a room definitely not your own. The walls were painted a beautiful shade of pastel blue. Furniture, like the tall wardrobe and the simple study table situated by french windows, were all painted in pure white. Even the detailing of the windows was an ivory white. A tiny yellow plant that was reminiscent of an angel’s halo was placed on the table, glowing slightly with a radiant yellow. It somehow gave you comfort. You weren’t sure what time it was, your eyes were bleary but you were sure that it was morning. You yawned, stretching slightly when the door opened to reveal Simeon and Luke standing in the doorway with a tray of delicious looking food. You let out a tiny happy sound, feeling extremely grateful for the hospitality.

Since Yuki came, the brothers often forgot to leave food for you, feigning ignorance to your needs for hers. They’d say that the food was only enough for 8 people, that there wasn’t enough in the fridge to make more. They brushed off your early complaints and Asmodus even told you once that it was for the best, as you looked like you could lose a few pounds.

You passed out in the school’s hallway that week from hunger.

Since you didn’t eat at home, you went to school hungry or you ate at a small coffee shop on your way to school. Yuki would apologize profusely for being the reason for their change of behavior. You wave her off with a tired smile.

They’ve always exercised their power and authority on you.

Luke bounded over to the side of the bed, his happiness seemed to know no limits as he talked with the speed of a bullet train, “Good morning, (MC)! I-I’m sorry about falling asleep during our movie marathon! I made you these celestial sugar cookies! Michael sent me a care package full of vanilla beans that the younger fledgling angels tended to in the Celestial Castle!” He climbed onto the bed, elbows clumsily pushing him up to sit by you as he unscrewed the clear glass jar. The scent of freshly baked cookies made your toes curl.

It smelt heavenly, the pun is intended.

Before you could grab a handful of the young angel’s divine treats, you heard Simeon clear his throat, “Luke, I told you to give that to them after they eat breakfast.” He spoke sternly, but he didn’t scare you. You were so used to being scared into obeying a command, to listen to every word spoken by what was deemed to be authority as if their words were written in stone.

It’s how your life has been the past few months in the House of Lamentation.

No, with Simeon, you felt your heart fill with a comforting warmth. The way he chided and guided Luke like a shepherd would with a playful lamb, funnily enough. You believed that his austerity shouldn’t even be classified as such, for he spoke with kindness and love. Simeon’s eyes met yours and his gaze softened immediately, “I hope the bed was to your liking. The other guest rooms were stuffy and a tad dusty so I brought you to my room. I apologize for doing so without your consent.” He looked away sheepishly, his grip on the silver tray tightening ever so slightly. You shot up, almost knocking into Luke as you shook your head,” No! It’s alright! I-I felt comfortable… At home, even.” You say shyly. You missed the light pink dusting Simeon’s cheeks.

“T-That’s a relief. Luke and I brought enough food for all three of us. He insisted on letting you take it easy today.” Simeon mentions as he places the tray on the bedside table.

You pull on the silk sheets, feeling slightly self conscious as the fact that Simeon carried you to bed finally sunk in. Before you could wallow in your embarrassment, Luke waved a cookie in front of you with a toothy grin stretched across his face.

You choose to move on, grabbing the cookie with a giggle as you all dug into the treats and the breakfast.

“Hey, Simeon…” You hear the ravenette hum in response, mouth full with the bite he took of the sandwiches they made, “Where’s Solomon?”

The almighty sorcerer was seated across from Diavolo, quill in hand as he eyed the documents that lay in a file strewn on a small pile on the table in front of him. “I had Barbatos look into the future and document everything he had seen. These papers hold all of that information. I entrust that you will not interfere nor will you try to reveal anything to the rest involved in this situation.” Diavolo states, arms folded on the table as he stares at the tall stack of papers beside him.

There were probably a few hundred files, all recounting different futures and different destinies that you could choose. “I see. Well, why is there a stack specifically given to me?”

“Solomon… I don’t think you’d like to hear it come from me-” Diavolo was cut off by Solomon, hand raised to silence the demon prince.

“Lord Diavolo, with all due respect, why did you summon me and why is there a stack of files here in front of me?” His voice was laced with venom, he feels it’s less of his anger and more of his fear of what was about to be revealed to him.

“Those are the futures where (MC) is killed.”

Solomon has lived for a long time now and there were days when he cursed his immortality. It made him afraid to love. He’s loved before but in time, he had to bury that love 6 feet underground. He couldn’t tell you how many generations he’s had to bury into freshly dug soil. He couldn’t stand the way the people he’s loved be remembered only by the stupid piece of stone that laid erect on top of where they slept for eternity. No matter how many times he’s buried a lover or a friend, the heartache that comes with losing them to time or to an illness never numbs. So, after a few centuries, he’s learnt to stop loving. He’s learnt to make deals with similarly immortal beings, with demons from the underworld. He’d keep his heart under lock and key because he couldn’t deal with another heartbreak. Then you came.

You, this weak little human without immortality, managed to find the key he’s tossed away a long time ago, and you’ve managed to free his heart. He’s grown quite fond of you, the way you can just exist and make a room be so much more colorful, so much more lively. He’s a sorcerer with centuries of knowledge and experience and he knows for a fact that you’re the only being in existence to have such a strong pull, having the strongest demons in Hell, a magnificent sorcerer, and angels in Heaven wrapped around your finger.

Hearing the words that had just come from Diavolo’s lips made the color drain from Solomon’s face. He felt breathless, like the air in his lungs had been knocked out by an invisible force. He slowly shook his head, placing the quill back into the inkwell. “No, there must be some mistake…” He mutters to himself. He was normally a confident man that took everything in stride but in that moment, his shaky hands were untrustworthy. He was forced to steel himself, moving to grab the file at the very top, “Lord Diavolo, if I can presume correctly, your pile is of the futures where (MC) will be safe with us, right?”

Diavolo’s expression was grim, he hesitated to respond. Solomon’s breath hitched in his throat, hands unable to pry the file open. His eyes find Diavolo’s, wide with panic and fright, “Please tell me that these aren’t likely to happen…” He whispers.

In the House of Lamentation, Yuki’s door remained sealed shut, as if it were uninhabited. The brothers all took turns walking by to knock, trying to convince her to open the door. Lucifer made the most visits, knocking every hour to somehow convince her to come out without apologizing. Yuki managed to paste a piece of paper on her door whilst there weren’t any demons roaming the halls.

The paper read, “When you disrespect (MC), you’re disrespecting ME!” With an angry cartoon version of Yuki drawn in red ink on the bottom of the paper.

The brothers were all gathered in the common room, with the exception of Leviathan who had been missing since last night and Lucifer who had just left to bother Yuki again. Leviathan texted them about completing a new game so he wasn’t aware of Yuki’s angry outburst, he wasn’t there after all. Mammon sat by the fireplace, knee bouncing in the growing panic of his favorite human purposefully ignoring him, “I don’t even want an apology! I just need’a take ‘er out to town! I’ve gotta catch this big blackjack tournament with my lucky charm.” He huffed. Satan snorted from a few spots away from his older brother, hands gripping tightly on the book he’s binge reading. “Obviously like the scum you are, you only think of how her anger’s going to affect you negatively. She’s mad at us for one thing or another. Can’t you use that tiny brain of yours to think of how we can get her to forgive us?” He seethes, a wry smile on his lips as he tries his best to keep his wrath under control.

Before the brothers could have the chance to break out into another squabble, Lucifer stomps in, face contorted in frustration as he crumples up a piece of paper to throw into the warm fire that grew by the sofas. “Wait, Lucifer what’s that?” Satan queries, tossing his book on the couch as he approaches his brother. Lucifer’s eyes blazed with unfiltered anger, “Humans are childish.” He spits through gritted teeth, handing Satan the paper in his hands.

It was the paper Yuki stuck on the door.

Mammon scampers over to take a look, only to scoff, “(MC) would never be this childish.” He mutters to himself, unaware of what his words really meant. The other boys walk over to peek at what Yuki had written. Asmodeus shrugged, “Still, it’s kinda cute? I mean, Yuki’s always adorable so it’s alright this once, I suppose.”

What the brothers didn’t realize was how Yuki planned on keeping this up.

Lucifer sinks onto the main couch in the common room, hands furiously rubbing his face as he feels his head throb. He had no time for this. He’s got to report to Diavolo in a few minutes, he’s got a monstrous pile of paperwork to complete, a childish human was the least of his worries.

Just as he moved to get ready to head to the Demon Lord’s Castle, he got a text from Diavolo’s number.

“Good day, Lucifer. This is Barbatos contacting you through the Young Master’s phone to inform you that there are some urgent matters the Prince has to tend to, and unfortunately he will have to cancel your monthly report meeting this afternoon. I will be at the House of Lamentation in 10 minutes to pick up all the paperwork you have completed. That is all.”

Lucifer was completely floored. He was speechless. He… Was he unneeded that day? His eyes scan the text about a dozen times. Diavolo was attending to matters without him. Barbatos was going to pick up the work he finished? He grew nervous in his seat. Did he do something to deem him unworthy of being trusted with the matters being dealt with? Without realizing, he thought back to how you would help him calm down from an awfully stressful day. The way you soothed him without hurting his pride… Yuki. Yuki can do that for him, right?

He shot up from his seat, eyes crazed as he rushed out of the room, leaving his brothers in shock. In his mind, he was acting logically enough; He was upset, ergo he needed comfort from his favorite human.They’d never disobey him, seeing him in distraught would be enough for her to forgive him for now, right? (MC) would always forgive them even after the worst of fights because they knew that they were needed.

It was a solid enough plan in his distraught mind.

His fist was heavy on Yuki’s door, his hair was disheveled from rushing up the stairs so quickly. “What do you want?” Her voice was muffled by the heavy ancient door but even then, he could hear the anger laced in her voice. He winced ever so slightly before he cleared his throat, “Yuki? I apologize but I hope you wouldn’t mind if I came into your room. I’m quite under the weather, and I would appreciate your company and a few rods of comfort. Please.” He said, voice wavering when he said the word please, sour bile threatening to come from his throat as his pride got in the way. He was met with silence before he heard the lock click. The door creaked open ever so slightly, Yuki had peeked ever so slightly at him, “That’s rich coming from you, Morningstar.” She scoffed, glare frigid as if she was staring into his black soul. His patience was running thin quickly, “Pardon me?” He asked. His hearing must be going, that’s it. All the screaming he endured for eons from his idiotic brothers must have caught up to him and he all of the sudden developed tinnitus or possibly an ear infection. Yuki wouldn’t have said that to him, not his favorite human exchange student.

Yuki pulled the door open some more, only to block Lucifer from stepping in. She folded her arms and glared up at him, “You heard what I said. That’s rich, coming from you. When (MC) begged you to stop your torment, you feigned ignorance and you hurt them so deeply. You didn’t comfort them on the days they felt under the weather. I was the one to dry their tears. ” She said unflinchingly.

Somewhere in the house, Satan stilled. He felt great waves of wrath roll over his entire being, almost drowning him in the powerful emotion he reigned over. He gripped the hardbound book in his hands, jaw clenched so hard that he would’ve probably broken his jaw if he were a human. He thought back to what (MC) taught him. Breathing exercises. Count to 10, 1, 2, 3, 4... don’t let your wrath get the better of you, Satan. You’re so much more than the wrath you were born from. You don’t scare me, tan-tan!

Oh, MC...

Yuki rolled her eyes at the fallen seraphim, scoffing as she turned her back on him, “What makes you think I’d choose to comfort an asshole like you?” With that, she shut her door in his face with a slam.

Yuki sat back down on her bed to scroll on her DDD, feeling smug as she heard a vase break in the hallway.

You were washing dishes in Purgatory Hall after a good quarrel with Simeon about him letting you clean at all during your stay with them. Your eyes were glazed over as you thought back to Yuki. She was such a good friend. She defended you when she could, always choosing you and including you every time something happened in the House of Lamentation. You didn’t notice the figure standing in the doorway, “Good morning, (MC). School’s about to start soon, and I got a few messages that the brothers and Yuki had no plans on going. Were you planning on ditching as well?” You jump cartoonishly, almost dropping the pretty dishware before you glare at the figure clad in a blood red suit, “Diavolo!”

Solomon steps into the kitchen from behind the tall demon prince,”Leave those dishes there at once, (MC).” He says in faux anger, his lips twitching slightly as he stops himself from smiling. You stick your tongue out at him as you turn back to the last few dishes in the sink, “I’m almost done, alright? Wait in the common room, I’ll be with you all in a few minutes.” You say sweetly, unaware of the two men's staring.

You emerge from the kitchen, hands still damp with a few stray bubbles on your forearm. You meekly wipe your hands on your uniform jacket as you are met with a crowded common room. Lord Diavolo, Barbatos, and Solomon sat on one of the sofas facing the elongated one you and the other exchange students were lounging on last night. Barbatos had a sizable stack of papers beside him, pristine and unwrinkled and you awed at the butler. How on Earth can someone carry around paperwork without wrinkling it? Well, that’s the overly competent demon butler for you. You had half a mind to ask where it came from so early in the morning but you held back your question.The aforementioned sofa was occupied by Luke and Simeon, who were stifling their laughter at your expression. “Is this an intervention?” You joked as you took a seat beside Luke.

Diavolo snickered, “Sort of.” He teased back as he looked over at Solomon, who had a tight-lipped smile on his face.

“Well, (MC). Have you decided?” Barbatos asked. You bit your lip as you stared at your feet. You sighed, closing your eyes as you raised your head back up.

“Yes. I’ve decided to accept your offer to move me into Purgatory Hall.”

You had a blast at RAD, for the first time in a long time. You had messaged Yuki and told her that you’d just meet her at Ristorante Six, you joked about being mad at her for leaving you to go to a school crawling with demons who would kill to eat your soul. Though true, you knew you were safe in the protection of the Demon Prince, his butler, and the most powerful exchange students in all of the Devildom.

The seconds you spent with your new house mates, basically, turned into hours and before you knew it, it was time for your dinner with Yuki.

In the House of Lamentation, Asmodeus picked at his fingernails nervously as he stood outside Yuki’s door. He had been trying to build up enough courage to just knock and get this over with but he heard the commotion after Lucifer bolted from the common room. If the ever powerful, ever prideful Lucifer Morningstar lost his cool to a measly human, what could he do as the fifth-born?

He strained to listen in on Yuki’s movements, he could make out that she was humming a tune from a human song you adored. He couldn’t recall the title but he knew it was a love song.

“Hmm… hmm.. Hmm..”

“It was enchanting to meet you..”

He was about to knock when he felt a force push him against the door. “Ah!” He yelped as he rubbed at his forehead. Turning to put a curse on whoever just gave him a bruise, he faltered when he saw Belphegor.

“Who is it now?” Yuki’s voice was sharp and unforgiving, so far from the sweet Yuki they were used to. Before Asmodeus could reply, Belphegor put a curse on the door; no one can get in or get out unless he says so. After months of tutoring from you and Solomon, Yuki was able to start feeling strong magic, and she felt this wave of a powerful curse. “W-what?” She ran over to the door, turning the handle but was unable to open it.

“What the fuck are you doing, Asmo?!” She snarled, violently turning the handle. Asmodeus squeaked, “I-It wasn’t me, darling!” He called out, moving to pry the door open. The poor girl would starve if Belphegor chose to keep the door locked! He glared daggers at his little brother, “Open the damn door, Belphie.” He spat out, hands unresting as he kept trying to get the knob to budge. Belphegor lazily sighed, “No. I heard her yell at Beel earlier.” He scoffed.

Yuki was starting to worry. Her date with you was in 30 minutes.

You were walking to Ristorante Six with Solomon. You managed to convince him to hold your hand and you were now swinging your arms back and forth with every step you took. Solomon said that he would only do it because he was a good housemate, saying that he wouldn’t have agreed if you didn’t move into Purgatory Hall (he had half a mind to say that he could’ve used this to blackmail a certain Avatar of Pride into making a pact with him, though he never mentioned this part due to everything that has been happening in the past few months).

You didn’t mention how his face was as red as a stop sign to protect his dignity.

You were feeling so much better after so long and you were going to savor every moment. You were out of the House of Lamentation. You were in a home where people cared about you. You were loved again, just like you prayed for.

And did it feel good.

Just as you and Solomon turned the corner, you got a message from Yuki, “Hey babes, the bros asked me to finish some paperwork. I gotta call for a raincheck on our date, okay? Don’t come back to HoL rn, Belphie’s being a little brat. ILY, take care of yourself at Purgatory Hall!” You pout as you read the text out loud for Solomon, who grimaced as you finished reading.

Did Yuki know something?

He fished his phone out from under his big cloak, “Hold on, (MC). I have to make a quick phone call. I’ll get Simeon and Luke to come here and the four of us can have dinner at Ristorante Six instead. It’ll be my treat, think of it as a celebration for your move to Purgatory Hall.” He says, ruffling your hair before nudging you into the direction of the restaurant.

As you walked away, he chanted a protection spell on you; he managed to rub a bit of his magic man dust on your pretty little head.

He quickly typed a message to Luke, telling him to bring Simeon to meet you at Ristorante Six. After getting a response from the tiny angel, he dialed Diavolo’s number, eyebrows furrowed,

“Good evening, Lord Diavolo. Is this the future you and Barbatos prepared to make happen?”

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tags for those who asked! : @edible-sushi , @knmsapplepi , @kxyren , @its-dari , @izukulus , @farysblog , @atinyidea-bon , @affecteddream , @yunbedo , @raven-darkessence , @crystal-freak24 , @gallantys , @xfatefulmistyx , @crystalmystery , @another-one-again , @moni-sama

#obey me x mc #obey me replaced mc au #obey me x reader #obey me headcanons #obey me #obey me angst

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nekkodiaries · 3 years ago

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cheating on you. | twenty one — it IS simp szn

✏️ : 573 words.

"you really wore the shirt i got you?" sunghoon's face looked very much like the emoji in the last text he sent. you could feel a smile growing on your lips but you pursed it instead.

"mm. they were too pretty not to wear. how were you able to buy them anyway?"

"hey! that's a little hurtful. i bought them with my own money and my own savings." sunghoon huffed before turning to you and immediately grabbing the bag you were holding, gasping dramatically as he hauled the strap over his own shoulder.

"you always carry around these heavy bags when you film? damn. no wonder you haven't gotten any taller."

you just squinted at him and he knew that was his signal to shut up so when you started walking to your filming venue, he followed straight behind you much like a puppy following its owner.

thankfully, filming was very quick and easy. maybe it was because you still felt some kind of comfort around sunghoon. you were even a little scared he'd find you cringe-y but he was actually very supportive and would gesture you to go on everytime you stammered.

sunghoon wasn't gonna lie— it was tiring to be your cameraman. he doesn't know how your friend did it but he couldn't be more proud to see you be so good at your craft. sitting at the cafe now, you were busy babbling about how you could've done better in some of your shots, how your voice sounded, how it was annoying that you'd get distracted every now and then.

but all sunghoon could focus on is you.

your hair was longer now, you grew just a little bit taller, your voice sounded a bit different and he noticed mannerisms that weren't there before. he was glad you were too immersed because he knows he's giving major heart eyes to you now. but how could he not?

it's been a little bit more than two years of him wanting to meet you again and he's savoring every moment he has with you now.

"hello, earth to sunghoon? you still with me?" you laughed as you swirled your drink. "oh. h-hey. yeah, just.. thinking about the dance performance." he lied through his teeth, looking through the glass window while you smiled.

there was still some tension in the air and you knew both of you were aching to ask the important questions but for now, you were happy and so was sunghoon so you just laughed as he updated you about his life.

"oh god, i can't believe it's already 8.." you muttered as you stared at your phone. "are you going somewhere?" sunghoon asked after finishing his watered down coffee. "no.. i just have to work on a lot of things like e-mails and such. god, heeseung's gonna kill me." you whispered under your breath, but he heard it anyway.

him again. sunghoon knew he had no rights over you now, he accepted that. nothing wrong with admitting that it irritated him though.

he was itching to ask you to stay.

heck, he'd offer to answer those emails for you, edit the video for you even though had no fucking idea how to— but he kept quiet and watched as you hurriedly packed your bags and waved him goodbye.

"bye, bub." he whispered sadly and stood up to go home, kicking pebbles on the way back to his own dorm.

masterlist. | previous. ♡ next.

summary: sunghoon was fine, or at least that was what he kept telling himself for the past years. he didn't expect everything to come crashing down after his friend ni-ki fawns to him over lilac, a famous youtuber, and the same girl he ghosted two years ago.

a/n: if the written part is not good,,, i don't have any excuse MANDKAJDSN im shit at writing wbk but i hope you guys like this chapter nonetheless 🥺 (i'm posting this in the middle of the seventeen online concert JAHEKSJEJA)

taglist [ open ] : @msxflower @nyujjan @yougeans @vampsvngie @softforqiankun @heelariously @jay-durian @meiiiwa @mykalon @oureris @abdiitcryy @maeumiluv @tobiosbbyghorl @enhappenstance @rein-deer-stuffs @enhaenhae @hobistigma @giyyuzz @enhacolor @hyuckslytherin @ncityy04 @seoli-16 @heejake-en @enfinity @k1ttyl1x @nyfwyeonjun @diestheticu @enheyy @cha-raena @meijiamikas @tsukypoetic @mymeloem19 @bubblejunnies @hwalllllllelujah @primorange @luv3iza @youreverydayzebra @yangrden @kyleeanne @sunshine-skz @ddeonubaby @ohmy-fandoms @ja4hyvn @amakumos @milkycloudtyg @aria-grace-scott @navsnct @eitaababe @shynypeacekitten

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dreamkidddream · 4 years ago

Text

MC Doing the Peeling Glue Skin Prank on the Bros (Lucifer, Mammon, and Leviathan)

Hoorayyy my first post! I don’t know if any of you have seen the tiktok where they rub glue to look like their skin is peeling off but it’s both funny and horrifying. Also, this got a lot longer and fluffier/sappier than what I thought, but I’m not complaining. This will be done in headcannon format, and I think I’m going to split it up into 2 parts (Lucifer, Mammon, and Levi in the first part and the rest in the second) and I hope you enjoy! Also slight spoiler for lesson 16 (but it’s a blink and you miss it kind of thing in Mammon’s). Reader is gender neutral.

The Build Up:

Ever since you came back to the Devildom after the exchange program, things have been great! It was obvious that you were missing the demon lords, and even more obvious that they were missing you too. Things weren’t different, not at all. But the one day that you were bored out of your mind and they all had different things to handle, you turned to the one thing that could cure your boredom: the Devildom’s version of TikTok. Oh how the boys will forever regret showing you that app, as it had let to their current downfall...

Lucifer

So unfortunately this man is ALWAYS busy

It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, he’s always filling out paperwork. Whether it’s for Diavolo, credit card bills that Mammon racked up, Asmo’s impromptu fashion trips, Beel’s black hole of a stomach, etc.

And he doesn’t like to be disturbed at all unless it’s an emergency

So when you burst into his office out of nowhere, he was slightly irritated (but not that angry, since it was you and your presence was hardly a nuisance)

But that quickly changed whenever he heard you moaning his name in pain and looked up to see what looked like your flesh flaking off by the second

His eyes widen and he is instantly panicking. He’s trying to keep it on the inside but you start to “panic” which makes him shoot out of his seat

Instantly is by your side, trying to delicately hold you and also trying to figure out what the hell is going on

“MC! Are you in pain? What happened? Did someone put a curse on you?!”

Now, you weren’t putting on a Oscar worthy performance but you think you were selling it pretty good. And everything was working out until he grabbed your arm and inspected it closer that he realized he got played

First, he realized that your flesh wasn’t falling in chunks on the ground. Then, he realized that these flakes were awfully thin, and that parts of your arm felt sticky

He fully realized that he got pranked when he peeled off your “skin” off your neck and you giggled, then covered your mouth to realized that your cover was blown

Needless to say, he was not a happy demon

And you basically just signed your death warrant

Before you could even think about running, he grabbed you again and “asked” that you have a seat

Cue another long Lucifer lecture, with him explaining how this wasn’t a funny prank (even for human standards) and that you need to understand how serious this is

Which is his way of saying that he cares about you and was actually panicked and scared. You knew his pride made it hard for him to openly express himself. And while he is getting better slowly but surely, it’s still hard for him to do so. Which made you feel guilty, so you did genuinely apologized

“You’re right, Lucifer, I’m sorry. This wasn’t my greatest idea, as you can see. I didn’t realize how severely this affected you, and it wasn’t right for me to take advantage of that. I know how hard it is to express how you feel because of your pride, but I know how much you care for me even without saying it. It shows in how hard you work, and how you still manage to be there for everyone despite how stress you are. I shouldn’t be adding on to that stress, and I really am sorry for that. You really are a good person, Lucifer, and even though you can be very strict- wait! Let me finish,- you mean well because you care for us. And you don’t get enough credit for that. So, thank you for all that you do. I love you, truly and deeply.”

Despite being a little skeptical in the beginning (he thought you were trying to get out of a punishment, ha! Good luck with that) and ending with a flustered look that he tried to cover with his hand (which was obviously too late to do, you already saw), he did appreciate and accepted the apology.

“I love you too, MC. Truly and deeply.”

So that was your cue to get your hug (and maybe a little kiss) and he pushed you away! You were offended for a second, but you saw the disgusted look on your face and forgot that you were covered in dried glue. Oh yeahhhh...ew

So while you were back in his good graces, you still got punished. A 15 page essay on why doing horrific pranks like that on your loved ones is harmful and no HellTok for your remaining stay?! You know you deserve some type of consequence but geez, overkill much?!

But, he did hint to you that you could make him feel better by spending the night with him in bed

After you take a much needed shower of course

Mammon

As much as this tsundere tried to say he was “too busy” for you, we all know that’s a lie

Granted when you went to go bother him, he was busy

Busy with planning out new scams counting out whatever Grimm he had left, what items to sell and for what price: “maybe I could sell Levi’s golden Ruri-Chan vendor ring thing for some Grimm? He’ll flip but if I just “borrow” it for a little bit, he won’t know what hit ‘im!”

Seeing how focused he was, it was your time to shine

“M-Mamooon! Help me! Something’s w-wrong!”

That immediately got his attention

His head shot up and he rushed to you, panic clearing showing on his face and in his movements

“MC! What’s going on?! WHAT IS THIS!”

When you could physically see him shaking, sweating and on the brink of tears, you knew that it was time to stop while you were ahead

“Mammon wait-“

“We need to go to Lucifer NOW.”

And when he went to pick you up gently, and saw with his own two eyes the flakes slowly fall to the ground, was when hell broke loose

You have never heard him scream so loud before, and you were pretty sure everyone both in and out the house heard him

He lifted you up and you were pretty sure he was in his demon form when you both ran and/or flew (you couldn’t tell, that’s how fast you were moving) to Lucifer’s

Sometimes it was so easy to forget that you lived with actual demons, 7 of the strongest to be exact

When you both reached your destination (ie. barged into Lucifer’s room unprovoked) he was not pleased, but Mammon did not care.

You were one of (if not) the most important person in his life and he would be damned if anything happened to you again. He was your first man, your protector! And he was not going to fail. Not again. He would and will protect you with his life. At any costs

When you saw how serious he was , you tried to wiggle out of his arms, but all he did was just tighten up and say, “MC, quit squirmin’! I don’t want you to make this worse.”

“No, Mammon wait-“

“We’re going to fix this. I’m going to fix this and I’m not lettin’ anything happen to you again. Now stop moving! Lucifer, somethin’s wrong with MC! Look at how their skin is-“

“ITS A PRANK!”

It’s just a prank bro

“Wh-what?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you, I’m sorry!”

While you were explaining the whole process (with Lucifer staring on in building irritation), you were still in his arms

You already felt like a terrible being, but the guilt was steady skyrocketing when you were looking at his face

He looked like a kicked puppy left in the rain with a broken paw

You just kept apologizing over and over, until you heard a certain someone clear their throat.

“If you two are done interrupting me, I would like to get back to work. MC, stay behind, it seems like we need to have a little chat about your so called prank.”

Mammon put you down and walked out the room, head hanging and eyes covered.

You knew you screwed up big time. Forget about the incoming lecture, you felt absolutely terrible about pranking Mammon. Especially after hearing the “again” comment.

Once you finally got released (ie. punished), you all had dinner, which Mammon skipped out on

Geez, this was not suppose to happen and you needed to make it up to him ASAP

So here you were, standing outside his door (after you cleaned up) with two Hell Fire noodle cups, knocking timidly

“Hey, Mammon? Is it okay if I come in?”

Silence

“You weren’t down for dinner and I know that you’re hungry, so I brought us-you some noodles.”

Again, silence

You sighed, you knew you messed up big time and you were going to fix it, no matter what.

“I’m sorry, Mammon. I’m so sorry. What started out as a joke turned into something serious, and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have did that. Hurting you was never my intention, I care about you too much to do that. When I heard you say that you weren’t going to let anything happen to me again, I knew that I messed up. I know that you will always protect me, and I don’t have any doubt that you won’t. You’re my first man, remember? I know that you’ll always have my back, and I hope you know that I’ll always have yours too. You’re not just the Avatar of Greed to me Mammon, you’re my first guy that I’ll love forever. I won’t ever mess with you like this again, and if you don’t want to talk now that’s fine too, just know that I’ll always love and care for you, okay?”

Ughh and now you were crying!

You sighed. You understood if he didn’t want to talk to you. I mean, he thought you were dying again. It’s easy to forget the events that happened with Belphie, since everyone is communicating and acting like a real family, but you can see now that it left a deep emotional wound in Mammon. He believed that it was his fault that you weren’t saved, and he still carried the burden all this time.

You put the cup down outside the door and started to head back to your room. You would give him as much time as he needed. You just hate that you made him feel this way, that you rose those feelings out of him. And you hated yourself for it.

You barely stepped a foot away from the door when he saw it swing out and a big blob tackle-hugged you

Here was Mammon, sniffling and tearing up, hugging you

“*sniff* You stupid human.”

When he pulled away, you saw the tears in his eyes, which he tried to rub away before you could notice (sidenote: you already noticed)

“Ya-Ya really love me?”

“Of course, Mammon! How could I not? You stayed by my side through thick and thin, through everything. You protected me, and I will forever be grateful for that. I wouldn’t be here without you. You’re not a selfish scum bag like everyone tries to make you out to be, Mammon, and I won’t let you believe that you are. You are my first man, the man that has constantly looked out for me, that has supported and cared for me, and most of all that has never failed to show how much love you have to give. I love you Mammon, always.”

Cue the blushing and cheeky grin

“Now come on the Great Mammon, our noodles are getting cold.”

It felt great to see that smile back on his face

And it felt even better to hear him say, “I love ya too, MC”

Leviathan

Levi was in his room, nothing new

He told you he had some sort of campaign that he absolutely could not afford to miss. Which he said about the other campaigns too but whatever

So when you knocked into his room, and he didn’t ask for the secret phrase, you knew he was in too deep to even pay attention to his surroundings

And the door was UNLOCKED

So you went in, ready to give him the scare of the decade, and-

He turned around in his gaming chair, raging and in his demon form

“UGH! How was that normie of a demon able to kill me with that move?! He has to be cheating! How is it that I’m one of the best players in the entire Devildom and I’m one of the first dead?! It’s not fair! It’s not fair, it’s not fair IT’S NOT FAI- huh? MC, why are you covered in *squints* dried up glue?”

You were honestly shook

Because 1: the third strongest brother was obviously furious and in his demon form which is not a good combination (your mind flashing back to the TSL quiz and whew was that not the best memory) and 2: how the hell was he able to know that this was glue?!

Okay, you weren’t scared of Levi, not at all! But you, just like everyone else, knew how serious he took his gaming

And you all knew how he could be when he was raging about it too

Not saying that he would ever harm or attack you, oh no. What happened at the beginning was just a...fluke! Yeah, just a little hiccup in your now longstanding relationship

But you were still just a tad bit hesitant to be caught in the crossfire of his rage

Really everyone was (except maybe Beel, but even he had his moments)

“LOL you look like one of the rotten magical zombie students from the anime “OMG I’m Just A Magical Girl in Training and Somehow I Turned the Whole School Into Zombies and Have to Fall in Love with a Demon to Reverse It!””

Okay, this was not the reaction you were looking for

“What the- but how-?

Then you remembered

Levi is a renowned cosplayer, the best in the game. It was obvious he knew what the dried up glue looked like considering how much he’s worked with it

You were of course disappointed, but oh well, you could always scheme to get him another way

And then it happened. Another devious idea popped into your head

“So you said I looked like a rotten zombie student huh?”

“Rotten magical zombie student . LOL don’t tell me that you don’t think you do- W-what are you doing MC?”

“Ughhh I’m a rotten magical school girl, and I’m not just hungry for brains, I’m hungry for love.”

“L-love?”

“Gughhh that’s right and only kisses can satiate my hunger. Demon kisses.”

Oh boy

The way that you turned red so quick was always a surprising sight for you to see

“M-MC WAIT-”

“I want my kisses, Levi!”, you said it in your best zombie/monster voice

Cue his famous “WOOAHHHH”

“MC WAIT- YOU’RE COVERED IN GROSS DRIED GLUE OMG”

The campaign was quickly forgotten when you tackled him to the ground, glue and all

Then you remembered how sensitive he was with physical contact, and tried to get up

“Oh Levi, I’m sorry! I forgot you don’t li-”

Something was still holding you against him

Specifically, that something was his tail

His tail was currently wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly against the red-faced otaku

“Levi, you okay?”

“Y-y-yeah, I’m okay.” he said it in the tiniest voice you have ever heard.

“Do you want me to get-”

“NO! I-I mean yes! I mean no! N-no I don’t want you to get up. I’m okay.”

Today was just surprising you left and right huh?

But you weren’t complaining now

“But now we’re covered in nasty, peely glue. And what about your campaign?”

He looked at the screen, and then back at you

“It’s okay. It’s not worth it like I thought it was. It’s just a bunch of normies who either button mash or spam the same attack over and over. And I already got majority of the rewards anyway. Besides, now that another normie has me covered in icky cheap glue, I need to get it off.”

Whoops

“Sorry about that, Levi. I was just trying to prank you but looks like that failed. I could do your laundry for you since it was my bad. Is that okay?”

“O-or you could m-make it up to me by having by binge watching some anime? If you want, even though I’m a nasty, icky, worthless ot-”

“Levi. Look at me.”

You gently grabbed and held his face in your hands

“You’re not worthless or nasty okay? And I love to spend time with you. We can definitely have an anime marathon. I’ll always be by your side, I wouldn’t be your Henry if I wasn’t.”

“R-really?”, the way his eyes light up every time you praise or show him love will never get old

“Of course. But I do have to say that you are icky.”

“WHAT”

“But we both are. I mean I did kinda cover you in the flaky glue, and it’s starting to feel a little gross to be honest.”

“O-oh yeah. I-it’s your fault normie!”

“Yeah, yeah I know.”, you laughed.

Atleast you somewhat pranked him

“So let’s get cleaned up, and I can bring some more snacks when I’m done. You wanna do the pillow fort like usual?”

“O-of course, normie!”

“Alright. I’ll see you in a few then!”, and you began walking out the room

He watched your trailing form, and honestly he didn’t want you to leave yet. That was apparent when his tail wrapped itself around you. I mean, how embarrassing was that?! But he couldn’t help it.

Levi cares about you immensely. You’re his best friend, his Henry! He didn’t know what you saw in someone like him, I mean damn, he was the Avatar of Envy! What’s attractive about someone being jealous 24/7?

He wasn’t outgoing like Asmo or Mammon, didn’t have the confidence like Lucifer or Satan, and he wasn’t good at building bonds like the twins (or at least like Beel)

What a human like you saw in him was still mind boggling, and he thought you were just tolerating him, just being nice. But, he saw how genuine you were as time went on. He saw you as someone special to him, you were his favorite real living person, his best friend, and honestly he wanted you to become more-

“Oh, Levi, one more thing.”

You quickly ran up to him and kissed him on the cheek

“I finally got my demon kiss, ughhh. My hunger has been satisfied!”

And ran right back out

He blushed 100x more now, and he realized that maybe he wasn’t ready to take it to the next step just yet, but he was willing to be patient and work towards it

He was willing to make the effort because you’re worth it

#obey me x reader #obey me imagines #obey me headcanons #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #mc x lucifer #mc x mammon #mc x levi #obey me reader insert #reader insert #fanfiction #first headcanon

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wangxianficrecs · 4 years ago

Photo

Fic Finder

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1. Hi, I'm looking for an Untamed fic, maybe you'll be able to help. It's a canon divergence AU in which WWX doesn't lose his core, Jiang Fengmian lives and it's implied that his core was transferred to JC (heavily implied; JFM retires as the Sect Leader after that). This is absolutely not the most important part of this fic but it's a paragraph that I've got stuck in my head and now I'm searching for the rest @_@ Thanks in advance! ~ @otemporaetmores

FOUND! by @notsobabblespace, who was reminded of I’m aching and I know you are too by edenwolfie (part 3 in series, M, 23k, wangxian)

FOUND! by @jim-is-spocks-thyla, who suggests ❤️ to arrive late is better than not to arrive at all by Moominmammashandbag (M, 35k, wangxian) [ETA: Oops, not this one. JFM has no core, but he didn’t give it to JC]

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2. Hi Mojo! I’m in need of you/your followers help in finding a fic that I read a little while ago. It was a fic where Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi lived together in Cloud Recesses and their children were Sizhui and an OOC that was younger than him. I remember SiZhui faced a lot of criticism for not being the chief cultivator’s real child? And they were happy he had a younger sibling that would be sect leader in the future because he was blood. Come to think of it, this is probably an ABO fic too. Thanks for your time 💜

FOUND! @andidontmeanto believes this is Blue Blood by PotterheadAvengerDemigod (T, 91k, wangxian, my post)

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3. Aksks it's like 3 am but I just remembered a fic and I can't find it?? I'd really, really appreciate your help. It was a wangxian fic, maybe a oneshot idk, and lwj was kind of a nerd and wwx a badboy? So basically lwj has a massive crush on him and dresses up like wwx etc. (i think he even got an undercut) and after a party they sleep with each other at lwj's place?

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4. i’m looking for a fic set in the where lwj’s mother killed his father? i don’t think that was a main plot point but it did show up in his backstory - any idea what this might be? ~ @thehype

FOUND! @rentslirott thinks this could be ❤️the best of you by sysrae (E, 42k, wangxian, my post)

FOUND! @castaways-logbook offers The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 39k, wangxian, WIP)

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5. ... same as #6 ...

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6. Hello friend, sorry for the inconvenience but I wanted to see if you could please find me a fic that I lost but I only remember more or less the final part, it goes more or less like this, lan zhan and wei ying are kidnapped by jin guangyao and lock them up if not I'm wrong in some cells next to lan xichen after the fights jin guangyao dies but lan xichen did know how bad jin guangyao had done and he didn't care and then to get revenge he wants to kill wei ying but lan zhan kills him and sizhui gets scared It was more or less like that, please help me ~ @isa0123lol

FOUND! by @wangxiansfics who says that tragically it’s no longer available, but @dulachodladh found it on WaybackMachine here: Thread and Needle by haysel (M, 86k, wangxian)

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7. Hi, Mojo! I'm glad that you're back but I hope you enjoyed your time off tumblr! Can you and/or your followers help me find a fic? I think the summary was talking about wwx and somehow they were asking mingjue for help since he's the only one who can help. The summary was in italics and it's a dialogue from some guy? And a shorter summary below. Sadly this is the only thing I can remember but I hope you can still help me

FOUND! @alwayswenning suggests love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, has it’s own fanfic here, I just finished this last night!, my bookmark)

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8. Sorry to bombard you as soon as you're back, but this one's driving me crazy--a modern AU where they met online. WWX thinks LWJ is an old man from how he talks. I don't remember much except the excerpt made it seem like he still was amused by/enjoyed talking to him, and Wen Qing was telling him it was a bad idea and to stop. It's not How to Fall In Love With a Catfish, tho that one is brilliant! (Also any top notch identity porn would be great) Hope your break was restful, you deserve it! Thanks

Here’s my #identity porn tag, but I’m not sure about this exact story.

I'm the anon for #8 on the fic finder. Though I'm excited to read it, the suggested fic isn't the one I was looking for. I swear I thought I saw it on here around a month ago or slightly more, but searches have failed me.

FOUND! Rating: General Audiences by Mishaa (T, 18k, wangxian WIP) - mysterious author LWJ (speculated to be an old man because of his formality) and infamous artist WWX paired up for an Untamed Big Bang (in an AU where JGY was the series’ antiheroic protagonist; this fic was written before the release of CQL.)

FOUND? could you be looking for Something Real by Latios (G, 5k, wangxian, my post) - wwx thinks lwj is an old man, but there’s no WQ. There are many pictures of bunnies.

SIMILAR! @emilysidhe thought of ID Bro Saga by Bowandtie (T, 39k, wangxian)

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9. Hey, how are you? Could you help me please? I've read 3 fanfics once, but I can't find them anymore. 1 - Nanny Problem, Wei is going to be the babysitter of A-Yuan, he is an omega and Lan is an alpha. 2 - Doctor Perfect, Yibo is an omega nurse and Xiao is an alpha doctor. 3 - The Baby of my Omega, Yibo is omega and Xiao is alpha, both of them are bodyguards, but Yibo has to protect Xiao in the beginning. I think they were at ao3, but I really can't find them. Can you help me please? Thank you!! ~ @weallmad

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10. Hi! Im happy you’re back. I hope you had a good break. I missed your recommendations, but at the same time i got a break from fics and actually studied to my tests haha. [Ah! I’m glad to hear your time was spent productively!] I’m looking for a fic like Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground. In the fic im looking for wangxian slowly lose their senses instead of all of them at once. Like they lose their hearing, then touch, sight etc, They can’t see each other or hear each other. I’m sorry i can’t explain very well.

FOUND? Could you be thinking of ❤️shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (E, 25k, wangxian)? Only lwj losese his senses one by one in this one, though.

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11. heyyy im trying to find this fic where wwx died the first time he was thrown in to the burial mounds then 10 years later he gets resurrected or something. I can't find it on AO3 and it's been bugging me for days. Thank you!

FOUND! Well, @moku-youbi offers both of these as possibilities:

Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? by 3988Akasha (E, 100k, wangxian)

we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 95k, wangxian)

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12. Hi I am looking for a fic where wwx is a witch (/mage?) in a world where magic is being persecuted (especially in Gusu) except for Yunmeng/Lanling I think but they're still frowned upon nonetheless. Then after accidentally hurting Shijie, wwx runs away, and ends up hiding in Gusu pretending to be a servant to lwj (lwj is a prince, lxc is the emperor) but lwj actually knows of his identity and tries not-so-discreetly to protect him from being caught. Thanks!

FOUND! by @bibliobasilisk who gives us Witchfinder by misbehavingvigilante (E, 86k, wangxian)

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13. Hi! Firstly, I'm glad to see you're back, and I hope your break was a good one! I'm trying to find a LWJ/WWX story that I had planned to read and ending up losing before I could. It was set in the immediate aftermath of the 33 lashes, LWJ is in the Jingshi recovering when a healer(?) discovers he's pregnant (by WWX). It may have been a/b/o verse, but I'm not 100% on that. Part of the story was a flashback to when WWX was still alive. Thank you!

FOUND! by nonny themself. It’s Unexpected Surprise by Glucose_Gremlin (E, 4k, wangxian)

SIMILAR! @mondelgel suggests my heart is kept as pure as ice in a jade vase/一片冰心在玉壶 by Daledesu (M, 21k, wangxian, WIP)

SIMILAR! from @impending-cuttlefish: something new, something white, something blue by ariskamalt (E, 140k, wangxian, WIP)

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14. I'm trying to find this one fic where Jin Ling finds this diary that Wei Ying wrote as the Yiling Patriarch that basically reveals everything, including the golden core reveal and it even has training tips that helps Jon Ling improve. When Wei Ying comes back, he tries everything to keep him there because he is THE best uncle now. I need to find it because it is a N E E D.

FOUND? by @theladypeartree who says, “The Truth (Untold) is jl reading jyl's journals, not wwx's though. And mordant is jl returning wwx's journals that he found, not grew up with. Neither fit #14 properly, but I seriously could not find anything closer after two solid days of searching. Good luck!“

The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (g, 3k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian)

or this one on ffn:

mordant by tennisnotensai (M, 18k, wangxian, here’s the link for mobile)

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15. I have heard tell of a Sizhui/Jingyi fic where the boys end up going to Wangxian for advice about how to be intimate. Can you help me find it?

FOUND! @manaika-chan says this one is On Advisement by LaMachina17 (M, 19k, wangxian, zhuiling, chengyi)

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16. nm

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17. Hi! Sorry, do you happen to know that nsfw fic where wwx is still studying in the cloud recesses and he’s reading a novel (im not sure if it was from nhs) that features a cultivator couple and there’s a scene in the book where the woman was pegging her husband? Basically wwx got curious about this and tried fingering himself. I remember he was hiding in the back mountains and then lwj eventually caught him

FOUND? Could you be thinking of Deep in the Woods by malkinmalkout (E, 5k, wangxian, my post)?

~*~

18. Ahhh I'm going crazy trying to think of a fic that I've read where Lan Zhan killed Wen Chao in a locker room and nie huaisang stood guard outside the door! Then lan zhan went to lan huan and said I killed someone and he said did they deserve it? Then it's fine. And I can't remember the name of the fic! Have you heard of it? ~ @uchihaautumn

FOUND! @artemisisdiana offers So Full Of Love (Wouldn't Know Where to Start) by witchupbitch (M, 54k, wangxian, WIP)

~*~

19. Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. I read it a while ago and I don't really remember all the details but it was a modern au where Lan Wangji was a police officer in this small town and Wei Wuxian comes back after years, having left the town due to some stuff. Thank you in advance.

Btw love your blog. I live for your fic recs. [Thank you!]

FOUND? Could you be looking for medium blues by dark_and_terrible (E,193k, wangxian)? It appears to be taken down atm, but it might come back (it’s done it before).

FOUND! by @grannyweatherwaxshat who offers When a Bird Flies, It Leaves Feathers by Bem_Kofi (not rated, 75k, wangxian)

~*~

20. Hi mojo!! First of all I luv your blog Thank you so much for all those ficrecs. [You’re welcome!] Actually I’m looking for a fic I read months ago. I probably found the fic from your blog. But I can’t seem to find it now 😢 it was a modern au wangxian fic (inspired by call me by ur name?) wwx was like 5 years older than lwj. (And lwj was like 16?) Wwx lives in another city but he spent around a year in cloud recesses with lwj in the past. And wwx yanli and jc visits cloud recesses again and wangxian gets 2gether

~*~

[My ko-fi.]

#wangxian fic finder #wangxian #mdzs fic finder #wangxian fic rec

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sanchoyo · 4 years ago

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danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

#danny phantom #dp thoughts #sanchoyorambles

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 4 years ago

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aight aight, real shit; let's say you got the chance to rewrite the entirety of gossip girl exactly how you want. make a brief description of what would happen in each season. (you can decide whether there's a fourth season or not)

oh i LOVE this ask, and i am so flattered to be asked this, haha. i have SO many thoughts, i’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but i’ll try to be as brief as possible. also, disclaimer, i don’t remember all the seasons equally clearly. like i barely remember s2. haha, whoops.

season 1: i love this season as is, for the most part. i think the tone of it was actually very serious and involved? like the show was actively trying not to be frivolous with heavy topics, and the way we were getting to see the characters seemed like they were trying to bring out character depth and the complexities of their lives in very deliberate ways. nate’s whole thing with his parents gets so much focus, and it’s not something the show glorifies, it’s something that is meant to make you uncomfortable and worried for him.

i would have nate be less of a dudebro, jenny & nate’s friendship being a little more solid, dan being a little more involved in jenny’s problems + helping her find her space, vanessa/nate to happen earlier - after nate breaks up w/ blair and realises she looks happier, i would have him not try and get back with her (lol, dude, the fact that she’s happy after breaking up with you means you probably shouldn’t be dating her.) more exploration of eric’s mental health. more dan and blair friendship. i would keep chair the way it is this season. i would not have a derena breakup - i’d have them take a break after the georgina reveal and get back together during the summer after talking about it and deciding to be more honest & open with each other. and, what the hell, i would have lily not blame serena (???) for being taken advantage of in the whole pete fairman situation. serena wasn’t sober, she was 16, that dude was in his 30s, georgina was taping her w/o her consent. how is any of this serena’s fault??? i hate lily’s reaction so much.

season 2: i... don’t remember enough of this season, sadly. it’s been too long since i watched it. i would majorly change jenny’s arc here, though. eleanor stealing her dress was majorly, majorly fucked up, and i think jenny should’ve done something then and there. also the whole thing with ‘lily is a mother to chuck’.... i would’ve loved it if lily had been like that to jenny. the girl needed it, and lily would’ve actually been able to help jenny establish connections in the professional world and whatnot. i think jenny should’ve transferred out of constance - not necessarily homeschooling maybe, but gone somewhere else. unlike dan, she didn’t even want to get into an ivy, she wanted to make it big as a designer. so. that.

oh nate my love. i’d get this trainwreck of a boy some therapy. while i hate that the catherine thing happened, things like that do happen all the time, and i’d be interested in sort of handling the aftermath of it in a responsible way. i would not have... a lot of serena’s arc and decisions (from what i can remember) were really random in this season. i’d have her break up with dan at some point. and vanessa would need a new subject for her short film, and she’d choose serena.

nate doesn’t really date anyone, this season. but he and jenny open up to each other abt having gay crushes on people who treat you like shit - jenny’s thing with agnes - nate rescues her when they’re taking those pictures in her flat and let’s say she doesn’t go back to agnes. instead of kissing her, nate talks to her instead, and tells her about carter, tells her about chuck. and jenny talks about her feelings for blair, her feelings for agnes. and both of them sort of go... “it sucks, but all we can do is try not to become the kind of people we hate, right?”

dan pines for nate. majorly. massively. obviously. i think the only person who really notices is blair, and this would lead to new hijinks and shenanigans. also!! i do not want chair in s2. maybe it can go there for a bit but definitely not to the extent in canon. i want blair to have the same moment of being unable to deny her cruelty / needing to be accountable that she did in that ‘age of dissonance’ play. and. this sounds fucky but i want the dan/rachel stuff to stay as it is, and later, in s4, for dan & serena to talk about rachel & ben respectively and be like ‘hey, this was a fucked up thing to happen to us, wasn’t it?’

i would also like to get to know blair’s “minions” better as people. i mean. they all seemed hella fascinating to me, and the show’s decision to make them superficial and unidimensional was very depressing.

season 3: hot garbage, throw canon away. when chuck goes away to paris or wherever, let him not come back. goodbye, dude! dan, blair & vanessa friendship at nyu is so, so important to me. also im losing my mind always at how vanessa and serena catch dan on that walk of shame and they’re both like ‘college is a time for experimentation!’ and nobody does anything even slightly bisexual (unless you count that threesome later, which, blah.) a serenessa / date dynamic in college would’ve been great. dan transferring to columbia like blair does and rooming with nate and just, the gayness of it all. dan & blair become really, really close, and d&b&v watch movies + go to art exhibits together and are all SO DAMN PRETENTIOUS. serena finds it sexy, nate finds it terrifying.

the william stuff would be interesting if he were actually held accountable. like that man has no right being a doctor, and medical malpractice needs to be brought up. and jenny’s whole arc this season makes me so sad. i think it would’ve been interesting if she’d been a ‘queen’ and ruled alongside eric, and just, the two of them forcing people to be nice, sort of like they try to do with people who are mean to nelly in s2 i think it is? but also.. jenny out of constance is very good, and i think i mentioned that earlier, haha, whoops.

season 4 : serenessa breakup, for whatever reason, probably to do with the william fuckery, because i think vanessa would react in similar ways to nate (”serena, i know he’s your dad, but we have to do the right thing” / “it still wasn’t your call to make” / “he’s a certified doctor, serena, a man like that has no right -” / “god vanessa, you really don’t get it, do you?” ). uhhh i would actually... if i had to choose i would honestly go blairnessa >>>>> dair. i love how blair & vanessa can keep each other on their toes and hold each other accountable. like? blair’s classist or racist and dan’s just like, *smiles*. vanessa would actively be like ‘hey, stop that.’ (this is one of the few actual criticisms i have about d/b as a relationship, RIP.)

(edited to add: yeah, i think blairnessa WOULD be a sustainable relationship, more abt that here! )

yes to the milo arc, but dan gets to keep milo (his friends threaten georgina and go all ‘you made him sign the certificate. don’t make us take you to court’ because i love these morally grey assholes but also because g DID trick dan into thinking milo was his and dan was ready to reshape his whole life around that kid which is more than georgina was willing to do. plus endgame: jack/georgina are not parents i want milo to have.) i would also have more of a rufus & dan fallout over the milo thing. i think rufus would be really nasty about it all tbh.

the dair arc for blair and vanessa! let the juliet stuff happen, but let it be less awful + let it be seen as Bad + let serena get help & not forgive her for it. let serena NOT date ben after, what the hell. i want d&s to talk about their shared feelings for high school teachers and to realise, in retrospect, as adults, that what happened was crossing lines. let blair and vanessa suddenly drop dan and do the movies + galleries stuff on their own. and dan’s like ??? but he’s busy being a parent with nate supporting him. dan’s drama is very much parenting things. there would be some nonsense involving nate’s family pushing back, because ‘we stood by while you dated him, nate, we thought it was a phase. but raising a child with another man? this is unacceptable.’ i would like nate to get disowned by the family, and need to find his own feet. and to get a REAL SHOT AT HAPPINESS away from that terrible environment.

season 5: i want this to be a good serena season. let her find her calling doing creative things. let her and carter travel the world. let her just be whoever she wants to be. let her and vanessa patch their friendship up. let her have an open relationship with carter, let her have a lot of sex with a lot of random people and not feel guilty about it. let her really really blossom. i want more eric! maybe he’s in london with jenny, and she’s working on her fashion stuff, and he’s realising that he really wants to be a counsellor.

some time-skips, maybe. i really want to see dan’s whole thing of being a parent. sending milo to kindergarten and spending the whole time milo’s gone on edge and anxious about everything that could go wrong, while nate comforts him. let nate try to get a job because he no longer has a trust fund, and navigate everything that comes with that. let vanessa be there for him. why the fuck am i phrasing my sentences like this - can you tell that i studied physics once?? oh well.

blair & vanessa handling a lot of things. vanessa meeting harold!! vanessa’s parents being disapproving of blair, but ruby standing up for her. blair & vanessa planning their future properly. blair & vanessa babysitting milo and talking about kids.

and there can be drama too, there should always be drama. but i would like wholesome stuff at the centre of it too, you know? the ivy/lola nonsense can go on in the background, i don’t actually care that much. as long as ivy doesn’t go around fucking people’s fathers for no understandable or discernable reason, i don’t really care lkdhlfdkhg. (it was just so inexplicable and so random!)

season 6: uh, i don’t know. this was a bad season for everyone in canon, except chuck. i would throw it all away. i would actually love if we had pre-series rufly instead: every time those two bring up their past together i’m like 👀 because it sounds like a dream. or focus entirely on jenny and eric and their life. i am obsessed with jenny and eric being... sort of queerplatonic, sort of like, best friends. there’s no romance and no sex between them (eric’s canonically gay, and jenny’s a lesbian because i said so) but i think the way jenny and eric are is very, very life partners in a way that isn’t romantic OR sexual. so they’d have a little place together and would support each other. and just. what are they up to now? also. kati, iz, penelope, hazel, nelly... what r they doing now? one of the few things i actually liked about s6 as it was was that nelly was that reporter and that she’d found her people in yale. nelly yuki getting a happy and fulfilling ending and being a successful woman was so good and we actually got a little bit of that. i’d like more of that, for the rest of the girls, you know?

#anon #long post #this is almost 1.9k words long but it was fun to write LDKHLGKHFGKH #gossip girl #i know there's no dair i am so sorry about that #but honestly the way this was panning out i had to like #choose between dair & blairnessa #RIP #meta #??#prompt #my writing #???#gg rewrite

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satoruvt · 4 years ago

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fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

2 notes · View notes

sadsapphicslut · 4 years ago

Text

chapter one - original story (i havent come up with a title yet lol)

okay so here it is!! if anyone actually reads this i love u :) please leave feedback if u have any!!

TWs:

death, drugs, medication, mental illness, references to sex, swearing, alcohol

wordcount: 8.2k

(also i dont think anyone will but im paranoid of people stealing my writing so obligatory dont copy/post to another site or steal my work in any other ways etc)

There were five of us; 4 boys and me. In hindsight I realize from the outside our group probably seemed a little predatory, but it was never really like that. For the most part they were like brothers to me. Of course, being the only girl in a small and isolated club of mainly older boys, things were bound to happen. We were in high school and it was summer, can you blame me? Regardless, however much I loved them, it was not quite in the way my father always assumed or my mother always warned (during our uncomfortable monthly visitations before I managed to get rid of her for good).

The months everything went down, which I often referred to only as ‘The Worst Summer of My Life’, (quite melodramatically but not without reason) were somehow still full of the best moments of my life. Moments I often find myself wishing I could repeat, as nothing has or will ever come close to the way I felt, sitting amongst my boys day after day, somehow light as the warm July breeze that blew past us. My entire body weightless, as non-existent as the time that passed us by. Despite the depression I’d found myself plunged into during the days after my only brother’s death, I truly believe I will never again be as happy as I was then. Laughter seemed to flow freely from our mouths, smiles plastered onto our faces no matter the circumstances, content to just exist. I don’t think I can ever forget the day it was raining so hard the entire city was flooded, but we walked around uptown well past the point of being absolutely drenched, our clothes dripping so heavily the security guard denied us entry into the public library. Something about that day made me feel so free, like we were invisible. Completely apathetic to the whims of the real world, somehow existing only in our twisted minds and intertwined fantasies.

Maybe if I’d had my head screwed on a little tighter, or if we’d met under different circumstances, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did. I used to go down that line of thought every night before succumbing to a fitful but heavy sleep (under the direct affect of 25mg of Quetiapine, working to counteract my Concerta and Lexapro). Those types of irrational thoughts were ones my therapist deemed as my habit for rumination. In regard to the death of my brother she called it ‘bargaining’, one of the stages of grief. I never liked it when she spoke about those stages as I’ve always felt them to be wrong. Maybe because I never quite moved on to the final one, no matter how many years pass. ‘Acceptance’, coined as the “Re-entrance to reality”. Maybe it’s different since I was never really grounded to reality in the first place. I still wake up some mornings, thinking I’ve heard his voice in the other room, ready to beguile me with tales from his day of retail work. Other times I swear I’ve walked past him on the street. Some people may relate to my experiences, with reasonings of ghosts, angels, apparitions, or insanity, among many other causes for the apparent viewing of a loved one long gone to the other side. I never shared these beliefs, but I am not one to deny. Rather, I always take these instances as an omen. A warning. I have come to this conclusion not without evidence, at least circumstantial, given the many occasions over the years – and especially that summer – where I found my hypothesis to be true. All I can say is that I am glad I’ve never been met with the same chimerical visions of my mother; one can only hope that is because she ended up where she belonged. Maybe I’ll see her there, though I hope at the very least they could keep us in separate rooms of Hell if the situation does arise.

From what I know of the others now, which is admittedly not much – majorly due to my own neglect, as opposed to theirs – they share the same prescription for rose-coloured glasses as I. We always were too engrossed with our own romanticization of nostalgia and sentiment that it clouded our view. I often think this was one of the reasons we seemed to fit so well together. Not quite like puzzle pieces, too self-absorbed to hold a candle to that analogy, more like complimentary colours. I wish it could’ve stayed the way it was. We did try, and I never found myself able to fully disentangle myself from James, nor he could to I, but for most of us we could recognize an ending when one arises. I used to find myself using the word tragedy a lot while reminiscing, but I no longer think that word is appropriate. Fate is a more fitting term in my opinion, regardless of if one believes in it or not. “(A)n inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end,” as reported by Merriam Webster. I don’t think there’s a word in the entire English language more accurate in describing how everything ended up; and if there is, I am yet to find it.

Chapter One

A Dead Brother

I have tried to erase the day my brother died from my memory so many times I lost count decades ago. I still find the image seeping into my unconsciousness quite dreadfully on the nights I neglect to take my pills and catch myself waking up with a steady flow of tears that dampen my pillow along with the drool that always seems to pour from my sleeping mouth. The dread that pools in my stomach sometimes being heavy enough for me to lose my lunch. I frequently wonder how people managed to reassure me that it wasn’t my fault; the most painful lie I’ve ever been told and one that seemed to stream from people’s mouths as easily as the mini sandwiches laid in the living room of my brother’s wake were stuffed in. The worst part about being told it wasn’t my fault was how obviously one could tell they didn’t believe what they were saying either. His death was my fault; a fact so uncontestable I wanted to kill myself every time I was reminded of it.

My therapist often tried to remind me that even if his death was “partially” (she always used the word partially, refusing to acknowledge the truth that his death was entirely my fault) my fault, there was nothing I could’ve done to prevent it. This was another lie I despised being told. There were a million ways I could have prevented his death or saved his life and yet, here we are, with him dead and me wishing everyday that I won’t wake up tomorrow. “Begonia,” she’d tell me – she was the only person who called me by my full name, I usually went by Nia, but a nickname felt too personal and I didn’t like her very much – “You mustn’t keep torturing yourself with these scenarios. He’s dead, and there is nothing you can do to change that. I am starting to wonder if you are going to let yourself move on. This isn’t healthy.” That was a line she liked to use a lot, “this isn’t healthy”. As if anything I do is.

Barb, my therapist that is, liked to go over the details of my brother’s death a lot. She often called it a ‘trigger’, which is why she always seemed to want me to talk about it. “Trauma is a horrible thing, Begonia, and you must learn to move past it, process it. I can see you still haven’t managed to do that on your own, and that’s what I’m here for, to help you move on.” Barb was big on the idea of “moving past trauma” and “learning to cope”, she often sounded like a broken record of a motivational speech. I found myself comparing her to school guidance councillors without realizing it, they were about equally as helpful (read: not helpful) in my opinion.

Sometimes I blame my inability to forget and “move past” my brother’s death on the way Barb constantly brought it up and made me go through it. I never quite understood how that part of my therapy was supposed to help me. I asked her once, what good was it doing rehashing the worst day of my life?

“Well, Begonia,” I hated the way she said my name, always so condescending and sour, like even the idea of me questioning her in any way was as impolite as shitting on her desk.

“You have to understand that I only want to help you. You seem to be unable to process your traumas on your own, which is why we need to go through these things. As you are aware, this PTSD,” she always left strange pauses after each letter, her slow tone grinding on my ears, “you have acquired has left you unable to function normally in daily life. I want you to get to a place where you can have a normal life (Ha!) and cope without these meetings. It’s what your brother would’ve wanted.” Barb liked to tell me what my brother would have wanted at least once every session. Putting aside the fact she knew next to nothing about him aside from the intimate details on how he died, I always thought it was an inappropriate thing to say as a psychologist specializing in grief counselling. It never particularly bothered me, I was reasonable enough to realize she was just trying to comfort me, but I never liked the phrase. “What your brother would’ve wanted.” What he would’ve wanted was to not die but we’re past that, aren’t we Barb, as you so often enjoyed telling me.

I have always been quite averse to my diagnoses, ADHD at 14, Persistent Depressive Disorder at 15, PTSD at 16, issues with alcohol and drugs that landed me in rehab more than once. I’ve been on a concoction of different medications since I was 13, even before I was diagnosed with anything officially. Sertraline, Lexapro, Prozac, Ritalin, Concerta, Adderall, Quetiapine, Ambien, Zopiclone, a healthy mix of off brand and branded medications. Sleeping pills, antidepressants, stimulants. I can’t remember a time before monthly trips to the drug store and side effect surveys that I’m not sure if I ever told the truth on. It’s a wonder that people didn’t see a slew of addiction issues coming from a mile away.

I think I’ve always had the most contention with my PTSD diagnosis though, I hate it because I know it’s undeniably true. I wish it wasn’t because maybe that’d mean my brother was still alive, but he isn’t. And I’m left traumatized and bereaved. Sometimes it feels like it hurt me more than it ever did my mother or father. Maybe it did. I should feel selfish for saying that, but I can’t, because they didn’t have to look at him while the life left his body, praying to God for the ability to turn back time. See the moment his eyes glazed over, knowing I’d never get to hear his obnoxious laugh, or make fun of his dumb face ever again.

❈

“Ray, hey listen I need you to come pick me up.”

It was a cool evening in May, the end of spring brought with it the promise of summer and the air had the familiar aroma of daffodils and petrichor. I had decided to go to a party with my friend Faun, my dad having been out at his girlfriend’s place for the weekend and me having nothing better to do. I wasn’t one for partying, but I did like to get high, so I usually just hung around with the rest of the potheads and pill junkies until someone dragged me home or I fell asleep. That night Don, a friend of a friend of a friend, had brought coke and E and we were all determined to get as fucked up as possible. Faun only ended up doing one line before running into a bedroom with some guy whose name started with an M – was it Martin or Marvin? Maybe it was Mickey – and left me sitting on the couch beside a girl who was about 1 more shot of vodka away from passing out.

I had fully intended on doing some coke, but the E seemed to be hitting harder than I was used to. I was sure my Ritalin had worn off by then but maybe I was wrong. As I stood up to get a glass of water I nearly fell over and decided to sit back down. Turning to face Don, I tapped him on the shoulder trying to get his attention.

“What was in that molly?” I was vaguely aware of the way my words were slurring, but I felt weirdly energized. I was aware my heart was beating a little too fast, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I knew what ecstasy felt like, this was not nearly my first time doing it, but I felt really wrong.

“Don!” He turned to look at me and I felt uneasy. His eyes looked a little crazed – not that out of the ordinary but given the circumstances I was worried – “What the fuck did you give me?” It felt like I’d done 5 lines of coke in the last 2 minutes and I knew that E had been spiked.

Don’s face had an unmistakable expression of guilt written on it as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, his voice shaking, “I think it was cut with meth.” Fuck. My stomach dropped. I have to get out of here. I quickly shot up from the musty couch I was sat on, carefully holding onto Don’s shoulder so I didn’t fall, my legs still feeling unsteady. I opened my phone; the screen was too bright, and I had a hard time maneuvering it as I attempted to exit the house. Clicking the green Messages icon, I sent a text to Faun – e ws cut w meth im lesving – with shaky hands and burst out the door into the fresh air. I clicked my brother’s contact and pressed call.

It rang four times before he picked up.

“Nia? Why are you calling me it’s like 1am?” I could tell from the smooth tone of his voice he’d been drinking. He didn’t very often but he had an appreciation for cocktails and enjoyed getting buzzed now and then. He still was a year from being legal to drink but his friends we’re all 19 and 20 and bought alcohol for him. I found him fun when he got drunk, becoming talkative and giggly, but right now I wished so badly for him to be sober.

“Ray, hey listen I need you to come pick me up.” I was slurring, my voice a bit too pitchy to pass as anything but high. I knew he didn’t like it when I did this, but he never ratted me out. Sometimes I wish he did, maybe I never would’ve been able to go to that party in the first place.

I could hear a door shutting on his end, I assumed he was going into a different room. “What’s wrong?” My skin was bubbling with anxiety at the prospect of having to tell him what I did.

“Fuck, uh… I did something stupid. I’m at Emily Goguen’s, y’know up in Champlain Heights. Please pick me up.” I rarely used the word please.

“Nia, what the fuck did you do?” I almost started crying but I found my eyes to be bone dry.

“Please don’t yell.”

“Okay, really, tell me what is going on or I won’t come get you.”

“I accidentally took meth.”

“You what? What the fuck, Nia! Fuck this I’m on my way and I’m fucking telling Dad.” I cringed but I knew he was going to before I even called. The pit in my stomach grew deeper as the buzzing of my skin grew stronger. I could feel myself getting higher, everything was so clear and standing around was making me grow restless. Ray huffed on the phone and I heard him entering his car.

His tone was softer the next time he spoke. “I’ll be there in 5, just stay put, please. Do you want me to stay on the call or can I hang up?”

I felt like a child, which I was really, only 16 at the time, a whole life ahead of me. Still, I was grateful for the way he spoke to me, reminiscent of being 6 and getting a scrapped knee after falling off my pink Razor scooter. The high made me edgy, and my voice was sharp to my ears, “No, you can hang up.” I heard the click to indicate he’d done just that, and started pushing my cuticles as I waited, the task somehow greatly interesting me, and I did not realize until later I had managed to pick off all of the skin around my pointer and middle fingernails during the five-minute wait.

Ray pulled up exactly five minutes later in his ugly, blue 2011 Ford Fiesta he’d gotten the year prior after passing his driving test. What I wouldn’t do now to smell the inside of that car once again, a distinct attar of pineapple car freshener and Old Spice deodorant mixed with stale black tea, faintly present due to his ever-growing collection of empty paper cups from various different fast foods and coffee shops.

I stumbled into the car, feeling the strong impulse to clean the space, but attempting to push it down. From the passenger side overhead mirror I could see my blown pupils and sweaty forehead, pieces of my copper red hair sticking to my face. My freckles were showing through my concealer that had mostly worn off and I wanted to cover them back up. My skin was pale from winter (and probably the drugs in my system) but my cheeks were flushed like I was drunk. My high cheekbones made my face look gaunt in the lighting, but my face was wide which balanced it out, so I didn’t look completely skeletal. Ray was looking at me, the worry apparent in his eyes, but his face was flushed as well, and I could tell he’d been drinking a bit too much to drive. I had my license as well, but it was clear I was in no condition to take over on that front, so I didn’t bother saying anything. I wish I had. There’s a lot of things I wish. I wish I hadn’t gone to that party; I wish I hadn’t taken that E; I wish I called someone else; I wish I waited it out at Emily’s; I wish I walked home; I wish I took a cab; I wish I waited for Faun; I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t take his eyes off me as I shut the mirror in front of me.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine. Please just take me home.”

“Is Dad there?”

“No.”

“Maybe I should take you to Mom’s.”

“No!” I’d moved out of my mom’s completely just over 6 months ago, barely seeing her once a month. It was one of the best decisions I’d ever made. She never liked me much anyways, the feeling was entirely mutual. Ray seemed to have a close bond with her for some reason despite how she treated him like shit. I never called him out though, he no longer lived with her, so I didn’t really care what their relationship was as long as she wasn’t hurting him. She did treat him significantly better than me, however, so I figured maybe he managed to forgive her the way I never could.

“Okay, but I’m staying with you until Dad gets home. I’m not gonna lie to him about this shit. Fucking meth, Nia? Seriously?”

“It was in the molly.” He sighed and started driving.

My brain felt like it was filled with butterflies, or ants, some kind of movement that was itching at my skull. The paper cups scattered around were making me anxious and I needed to clean his car. I began picking at my nails again, but I needed to pick up those cups, you see. I turned around and started gathering the ones Ray had discarded in the back, filling up an empty plastic bag from Best Buy. I was fully switched around in my seat, nearly crawling into the backseat to reach the trash my brother had left. I felt him tap my side, I looked over at him and he started to scold me.

“Nia, stop that will you, you’re distracting me.” But I needed to finish gathering the cups. The car was dirty, and my skin was itching, the traffic lights burning my skin. I was elated and I didn’t want to listen to him, he was just trying to get in my way. I continued to lean over, not registering the swerve of the car as he looked over at me.

“Nia – ”

He turned over to push me back into my seat, his eyes leaving the road for no more than a few seconds. This time I felt the swerve as we broke into the next lane.

This is where I have a hard time piecing together what happened. From what I was told, we ended up running directly into a 2015 Dodge Ram 2500. In case you understandably have a lack of knowledge when it comes to cars, that is a very large, sturdy, and expensive pickup truck which I would probably consider the last vehicle you’d want to charge headfirst into while going 70km per hour. I don’t recall the actual incident of hitting the truck, whether that be from the drugs, the position I was in, or hitting my head on the roof of the car, I don’t know. What I do know is that when I woke up, we were in a ditch on the side of the road, with the car flipped upside down, and my entire body was screaming at me to Get Out!

I felt blood oozing sluggishly from my head and noted some indistinct pain in my right wrist where it had scraped something pretty badly and gotten twisted, but I otherwise felt alright. I couldn’t tell if the cloudiness in my head was from a concussion or the earlier events of the night, but I figured it was probably good I was awake, regardless of how dazed I seemed.

I turned my head to the left and was greeted by a view I will never be able to forget, it having been branded to the insides of my eyelids, scorched in my mind. Ray, with his left arm twisted in spectacular fashion, reminding me of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, after Lockhart spells away Harry’s bones. My brother had always been squeamish with broken bones and I hoped he wasn’t aware of how his limb looked at the moment. His head was bleeding quite profusely, and I was alarmed despite how many times I’d heard in movies that headwounds bleed a lot. His eyelids were fluttering, irises appearing glassy and unfocussed. And then I saw it. A piece of glass was stuck in the left side of his neck. The windshield apparently had broken with the impact and my brother was lucky enough to get a piece lodged right in his trachea. It was thick, bright red blood – that I could’ve sworn was sparkling in my current inebriated perspective – was gushing out the side, so heavy I could smell it, taste it, in the air. I was frozen once I realized.

Do something, do something! Put pressure on it! Call 9-1-1! My mind was screaming at me, but it was all I could do to sit and watch the blood stain his clothes. He was wearing the corduroy jacket I’d gotten him for his birthday and a white button up, the red seeped into them until it was as if they’d always been that colour. My voice was caught in my throat, but I managed to push some sound past.

“Ray?” It was weaker than a whisper but in the silence that seemed to envelope us in that car, completely independent of the outside world and sirens that could surely be heard from blocks away, I knew he would be able to hear me.

He looked up, eyes focussing slightly on me, and a tear slipped down his face, only it went the wrong way since we were still upside down. He mouthed the words “I love you”. We never said that to each other. As close as we were, our relationship had always been more comparable to that of a best friend than sibling. We weren’t overly affectionate, never hugged or said I love you, hung out for enjoyment rather than as a punishment. Most people didn’t know we were brother and sister until we pointed it out, we never really looked alike and were absent of the traditional distaste and rivalry usually present between siblings. I knew, as he looked me in the eyes and said those words, this would be the last time I’d ever see him outside of a morgue.

I sat in my seat next to him with dry eyes, wishing desperately I could cry, needing to express the feeling of utter horror and despondency that completely overtook my body and mind, but I couldn’t. Barb told me time and time again that I was in shock, there was nothing I could’ve done, but I will never be able to believe that. I still remember the moment the final tear slipped down his face. He smiled at me, pain evident in his eyes. His entire body was covered in the metallic smelling red, and I wanted to vomit. I wish I could say the crash had sobered me, but it didn’t, not really. I was still entirely in a daze as I saw his muscles relax, smiling falling from his face, eyes not quite rolling back all the way but enough to give me nightmares for the next 20 years. The life had been absorbed from his body, leaving a heavy shell. I was told afterwards this all happened within the span of 10 minutes, but it felt like years. By the time the first responders had appeared I was an old woman. Grayed hair, and arthritic bones. Mourning for the brother I’d lost oh so many years ago, when I was just a girl. I think in a way I died in that car with him, I never was really the same. But who would be? Best friend and confidant, older brother, idol, dying in front of your eyes as you do nothing, knowing for the rest of your life that his death is – was – your fault. Knowing you could’ve done something, anything really, to prevent his untimely loss of life before the paramedics arrived. If I’d been the same after that night I would have to be much more disturbed than I ever thought.

I sat in that car beside Ray’s corpse for 3 more minutes before I heard the sirens closing in around us – me. I thought I might pass out, either from the toll of what I’d just witnessed or from my concussion, but I remained upright, probably from the adrenaline. I couldn’t move so I just waited, and hoped I’d die too before anyone reached the scene. It would be much preferrable to any other outcome I could think of at the time. I could vaguely register the pain in my wrist, but I felt so numb I’m sure you could’ve shot me in the foot and I wouldn’t have blinked.

A young fireman named Walter ended up getting me out of the car. The door was smashed and stuck which meant I’d been trapped in there either way. I was happy I hadn’t bothered trying to escape as I'm terribly claustrophobic and finding out I couldn’t would have thrown me into a proper panic attack. The fireman was incredibly nice, saying reassuring things the entire time they were opening the door with the “Jaws of Life”. I ended up seeing him again in the hospital actually, or at least that’s what my father told me. He wanted to check in on me and left me some hydrangeas in a vase. I always preferred chrysanthemums but I'm not that picky when it comes to a floral arrangement.

After the door was busted open I was carried out by Walter. I was shaking and apparently babbling nonsense but in my head I was trying to tell them to save Ray. I wasn’t really aware of all that much, completely blind to the crowd of spectators that had rudely gathered to witness the violence – wasn’t it supposed to be taboo to stop at a car crash? Wondering vaguely about what happened and wishing you could get a better look as you drive past the scene. My head wound had made me a bit incompetent and the meth in my system was really not helping the entire situation.

I was laid on a gurney and rolled onto an ambulance. I don’t remember much about the ride; the sirens, the bright lights, a paramedic named Alice who spoke softly, smoothing out my hair while the other put an oxygen mask on my face (which I wasn’t entirely cognizant enough to question though now I'm not really sure why they did it) and splinted my wrist. Alice asked me if I was on drugs and I nodded but was unable to speak when she asked me what ( I would find this a common occurrence after the accident, my voice seemingly stolen alongside Ray’s). She just nodded and said something to the other ME that I didn’t quite pick up. She asked if I could tell her my name and I shook my head. She must’ve noticed the iPhone in my pocket and grabbed it, turning to the medical ID page.

“Is your name Begonia?” I nodded, though the name sounded foreign on my ears. I liked the way Alice said it though, she had a light Spanish accent and a matronly tone that made me feel safe. I wondered if she had kids of her own; she looked young, but my own mother had me at 19 so who could say? She told me her name after complimenting mine. “Begonia is a beautiful name; I love the flowers. I’m Alice, okay? We’re gonna make sure you’re alright and take you to the hospital.” Her voice was sweet like syrup and I became sleepy as she spoke.

“No honey, you can’t fall asleep yet. Just stay awake a little bit longer and I promise you they’ll let you sleep at the hospital.”

I don’t remember anything of the rest of the ride to the hospital. I was dropped off at the Emergency Room at the Regional, head still too foggy to allow me to recall anything before I was sitting in a white bed, in a white room, with white sheets and a light blue hospital gown on. It was morning and my father was sitting at the end of my bed in an uncomfortable plastic chair, his eyes bloodshot and moist. He’d very obviously been crying for a long time and my chest panged with guilt. I reached up to feel my head and realized there was a cast on my wrist. With my other hand I touched the cotton that covered my forehead, wincing when I felt the sting of what had to be stitches in a nasty gash. I would spend the next 5 years of my life with a variety of diverse haircuts that attempted to hide the ugly scar that served as a reminder of the worst night of my life. Even now it is still extremely obvious, but I can’t be bothered to try and hide it, I so rarely look in the mirror that it wouldn’t matter if my skin turned blue.

My dad hadn’t looked up, so I attempted to gain his attention but once again found my voice failing me. I tapped on the bed a few times before he seemed to realize and face me.

“Nia… how are you feeling?” His voice was raspy and thin. He reeked of cigarettes and stale coffee, though this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I remained silent as he looked at me, searching my face for something I'm not sure he found.

“Nia, I, I'm not sure how to say this to you.” Here it comes. Almost worse than watching my brother die, the confirmation. “Ray, he’s, well dead.” I saw my father’s eyes begin to tear up again as I stared straight ahead. I couldn’t feel the sobs that racked my body, nor the hot tears streaming from my eyes. I saw my dad start to move closer but sit back down when I flinched. Of course, I knew my brother was dead; I had front row seats to watching the event happen, but somehow I still didn’t believe it until the words left my father’s mouth. According to my dad, who many years later described to me how eery the whole event was, my sobs were completely silent, and I was entirely unaware of everything happening around me. This dissociation lasted the first few days after the accident, and the entirety of my hospital stay. Leaving the blissful gap in my memory I have now.

Barb told me this was my mind’s way of coping with the tragedy and stress of what happened. I was honestly just happy I had an excuse to skip some of the dreadful retelling she forced upon me.

❈

The funeral was of course a depressing and solemn event. I was still yet to speak and found myself thankful for the way people gave up on trying to get me to communicate. I dressed in a black skirt with a black short sleeved button up. A dark coat thrown around my shoulders as the cast on my right hand was too big to fit through the sleeve. I looked terrible, barely a week out of hospital before I watched Ray sink into the ground. The wound on my forehead was still quite nasty, though it looked better than it did before. I tried to cover it up with my hair but was unsuccessful. I got bangs soon after.

The matter was very traditional, taking place in a church even though none of our family was really religious. It was only the second time I'd ever been in a church, the first having been for my cousin Julie’s wedding when I was four years old. I don’t remember anything of it aside from the material of my dress itching at my neck and making me rather miserable. Of course, not nearly as miserable as I was the day of the funeral, sitting in a pew at the front of the church, listening to a priest claiming Ray would’ve wanted us to celebrate his life. I knew this not to be true; Ray was extremely dramatic and would’ve cherished the thought of everyone he’d ever spoken to moping around for weeks after his death, beside themselves with grief. He sometimes referred to himself as “Romeo” after having been broken up with by another girl he was supposedly in love with, stating he better just stab himself in the heart now if he couldn’t have her. On the rare occasion he broke up with a girlfriend, he’d lounge around, eating ice cream, pretending to not be upset and comparing his cold heart to that of Richard VIII. The concept of him being any different over his death was almost comical; Ray was nothing if not predictable.

I sat beside my father, who sat beside my mother (it was an extremely awkward arrangement that neither I nor my father cared for) and seemed to have the idea that I could evaporate if I thought hard enough about it. Unfortunately, I did not evaporate, or even come close to it, instead finding myself exactly where I'd been the whole time. I mostly tuned out the service, only really paying attention when my father and Ray’s best friend, Jake spoke. I managed to escape the duty of having to speak that day thanks to my fragile mental state and mutism. Though I'm sure I would’ve been forced all the same if I had been able to talk in any capacity, regardless of where my head was at.

Faun was sitting in the pew behind me, feeling quite guilty about the whole ordeal. Or friendship dissolved soon after, I think she blamed herself for taking me to the party. It didn’t bother me too much though; we were never the closest and I sometimes thought her to be extremely annoying. An endless stream of shitty boyfriends that she only acquired so she could further repress her sexuality. When we were 14 we kissed at a sleepover and she admitted she was in love with me. I felt bad for not returning the feeling and our relationship had been on rocky territory ever since. I don’t understand how she thought she was in love with me since she barely knew anything about me, but either way she never brought it up again and soon after the monsoon of boytoys had begun.

My brother’s friends and ex-girlfriends also attended the event. I didn’t approach any of them, far too scared they’d blame me for the death of their friend. One of them, Alex, went up to me to say how sorry he was about everything that happened. He was crying quite heavily (I later found out he was the friend Ray had been drinking with and the second last person to see him alive) and I could smell alcohol on his breath. I stood there while he spoke, telling me about how great my brother was as if I was wholly unaware. Body waving side to side as he stood with his hand on the wall beside me. He offered me some bronze liquid in a flask, and I obliged, savouring the burning sensation that followed in my throat. Alex’s voice was steady and deep, reminding me of my father’s. I’m not sure how long we stood there, him spinning a fantastic web of anecdotes and stories about my brother, some entirely new to my ears. We passed the beverage back and fourth until it was empty. My head felt lighter and heavier somehow simultaneously, and I found it much easier to listen to Alex talk. Later he tried to kiss me in my bedroom during the wake. His mouth was sour, and his tongue seemed too big for his mouth. I wondered how he was able to talk so much without it getting in the way.

We moved in procession to the cemetery after the service. The grass was a vibrant green colour, and I didn’t understand how the world kept turning after Ray’s death, for mine stopped the moment his heart failed to beat. The sky was a lovely shade of cyan-blue, with clouds so perfect they seemed animated. Pink carnations were planted near the outskirts of the yard and I could smell spring in the air; a heavy, floral aroma that never failed to comfort me. I thought it should be raining, it felt inappropriate that the weather refused to match my despair. My mind wandered as we approached the empty grave and I considered what it would be like if Ray was here beside me. He’d probably be making jokes, telling me to lighten up for a minute or my face would get stuck that way. He’d mock my silence, saying how I never managed to shut up for a minute before but suddenly I'm as proper as a nun. I'd smile, ruffling his hair to piss him off and try to refrain from laughing aloud. The absence of him only felt stronger as I imagined this scenario, so I shoved it out of my head.

The casket was lowered into the ground, my father was a pallbearer and I often think about how he must’ve felt carrying his son’s body before watching him being buried. My mother sobbed loudly which annoyed me, it felt a bit exaggerated. I had a few tears falling from my eyes but mostly, I just felt numb. Incredibly and absolutely empty inside. To onlookers it may have seemed as though we weren’t very close, my reaction being similar to that of his ex-girlfriends’. However, this didn’t account for the loss of my voice, or the broken state I was in mentally. Maybe it was better that my reaction was rather dulled. It meant people didn’t feel the need to approach me as they did my mother. Less concerned given she was the one playing up her emotions to the point of embarrassment. My father cried, more than I but far less than my mother. He didn’t cry very often – I'd actually only seen it once prior to the whole event – and I figured he probably needed it. At this point I felt as though I'd shed enough tears to last a lifetime so Ray wouldn’t mind if I was a bit subdued in comparison. He never was a crier anyways.

As I sprinkled soil onto his casket I imagined he was right beside me, watching, ready to criticize as usual. The dirt stained my hand, clutching the sweat and turning my skin a muddy brown colour. As I wiped the dirt on my jacket I could hear him nagging about how I better go wash my hands, what was I, a six-year-old? He was in denial about me growing up and took every chance to remind me I was still just a kid. Not that he had much on me, but I enjoyed it. I never was one to shy away from attention; at least not before. Little quirks and inside jokes between us were always some of my favourite things, the type of humour you could only get from living with someone your whole life. No matter how much his memory will fade there are some things I can’t let myself forget. His mocking tone when he’d make fun of me is one of those things. If I ever managed to let go of that sound then I must be dead as well.

The sun beat down on my back, my skin burning in my black clothes. I wasn’t sweating yet, but most of the men around were – suit jackets aren’t exactly known for their breathability. My nose was dry and aching red, sore from how much I'd been wiping it the last couple days. Still the sweet seeping tinge of flowers and spring managed to crawl into my nose, settling underneath my skin, the buzzing from before had returned, I could feel my heartbeat loudly in my throat and had the desperate urge to just run. Instead, I just followed the rest of the party, sitting down in the passenger seat of my dad’s car. The silence that settled over us was uncomfortable and stale. He turned on the radio, Led Zeppelin filled the air around us, thankfully relieving some of the tension. I felt in my left pocket for one of the carnations I’d picked from a nearby grave earlier. The flower had begun to wilt, heat taking effect on its delicate composition. When I got home I put it in between the pages of my oldest copy of Romeo and Juliet. Ray would have found it funny if he was around to see.

The drive to my mother’s house was short and minimally awkward. We sat in silence – aside from the music – only because there was no alternative. My hand remained clutched around the dying flower in my pocket as we left the car and entered the home. Other people had already arrived, clustered in the living room, picking at tiny ham sandwiches and various desserts my mother had undoubtedly stress-baked the day before. I wasn’t hungry so I sat as far away from the food and people as humanely possible while staying in the living room, not wishing to hear my mother’s scolding about how I need to socialize more. Eventually I managed to slip away into my old bedroom, where Alex was sitting on my bed drinking a mickey of Smirnoff I assumed he swiped from my mother’s freezer. He offered it to me, and I accepted, the weird repetitive déjà vu like act, mirroring earlier and making the whole day feel like somewhat of a dream.

When I went over this part with Barb she always felt the need to emphasize that it wasn’t a dream. I knew this, obviously, which I told her every time, but she was inclined to disbelief when it came to my denial over my brother’s death. “Begonia, you must realize he’s gone. Dwelling is helping nobody, especially not you. This isn’t a healthy mindset for you to have. Always comparing living to your dreams. I want you to tell me you understand this isn’t just some dream you can wake up from.” The first time she said that to me I was thrust into a bout of wordlessness, as it struck a bit too close to home. The next time she brought it up I just told her of course, though even now I still cannot say I fully understand. How can I when all of my assumptions have been constantly disproven time and time again. How can I ever say this isn’t a dream when I'm not even sure I'm real? James always tries to reassure me, “Bee, I'm telling you, if you can feel this beat, the pulse in your wrist, your neck, your chest, you are alive,” he’ll say while pressing my hand to my wrist, but we both know it isn’t that simple.

Me and Alex made out for a few minutes until I managed to excuse myself. He was a bad kisser and tasted disgusting. I left him sitting on my old bed while I went downstairs to find my dad. He was sitting at the counter with a can of root beer, blank expression sat upon his face. When his eyes met mine he sighed, grabbing his keys out of his pocket. It was obvious neither of us wanted to be here, for numerous reasons, so we left. And if the radio stayed off as we drove home we didn’t acknowledge the silence that time. In my hand was the crumpled carnation, and for some reason it made my chest hurt. A deep ache of dread. I could feel my heartbeat, hear it over the drum of the car engine, and I crushed the flower further. I was careful not to rip it though, as if that was crossing some kind of invisible line my mind had set for me. My fingers felt waxy when I finally let go.

Back home, I opened the copy of Romeo and Juliet. I retrieved the deteriorating plant from my pocket and placed it in the center. Closing the book, I stacked it under a few dictionaries, a magazine under it so it was trapped on either side. I sat down in front of it and cried. Not the huge gasping sobs my mother seemed to fancy, nor the quiet weeping of my father. No, I cried the tears of a child who just found out their grandparents died, the soft uncomprehending grief that overcame them as they first learned what death really meant. How long forever was. My legs pulled up to my chest, hands loosely hung around knees, unable to clasp together because of my cast. I closed my eyes and I swear I could hear the sound of Ray sighing behind me, but when I opened my eyes I was alone. I went to bed, earlier than I ever had in my life, still believing it was a dream and I'd wake up like Alice after her adventures in Wonderland. But when I awoke, I was met with the slow, oozing perdure of my reality. The one which I could not wake up from, and the one where my brother was dead.

#my writing #writing #original writing #original content #original fiction #creative writing #dark academia #tw death #tw drugs #tw mentions of sex #tw swearing #tw mental illness #tw medication #alo writes

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cosmic-affinities · 5 years ago

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Deku Vs Kacchan Part Two- Bakudeku

HOLY SHIT I just got done rewatching Deku Vs. Kacchan Part Two and now when in watching it I totally shipped the two from the start and so heres my word vomit of why I can’t understand how some people don’t see their shipping potential.

Alright so the first time I watched this episode, and their fight at Ground Beta, is where I really started to ship them hardcore, I always liked their dynamic but this really locked it in for me. So I was idly going through and rewatching some of my favorite episodes/arcs and I watched Deku Vs Kacchan Part Two, this time with them already being my favorite ship from the show so obviously I have thoughts.

I just want to go through and show why I do not understand when people absolutely refuse to think these two have any chemistry. Also this focuses on Katsuki quite a bit just because there’s usually a bunch of this type of thing about Izuku.

1) First of all back to the very begining of the series Izuku very nearly told Katsuki about OFA, he felt so guilty for betraying Katsuki that he needed a way to explain himself, with full confidence that Katsuki wouldn’t tell anyone. This was after he had spend literal months keeping all of this a secret from everyone, an everyone that included his mom and would eventually include his closest friends.

2) Back to the episode in particular, this is one of the only times we ever see Katsuki cry and get emotional (with an emotion other than anger) and it is all for Izuku. He specifically made sure Izuku and him were together and he broke down all of the walls he had put up (these same walls had kept all of his emotions from affecting him during the provisional liscence exam) Izuku is seriously the only one who can truly get how he is feeling like he says during the episode. They have such an understanding of each other’s emotions that Katsuki is actually angry that he can’t read Izuku the same way after All Might.

3) The entire episode really highlights their childhood together and Katsuki’s conflicting outward superiority complex partnered with his deep seeded inferiority complex (IMO the superiority complex he outwardly projects is the direct result of his true inferior feelings that he refuses to submit to so instead he is ‘faking it until he makes it’ so he doesn’t crumble) anyways the point of this is it really shows where all of his aggression towards Izuku comes from. He doesn’t hate Izuku necessarily he hates the fact that he is sure that Izuku looks down on him, I think if the two had met at UA or maybe even only slightly later than they did there would be much less animosity (although where’s the fun in that dynamic [im slightly kidding]) another anyways is the fact that Katsuki so willingly tells Izuku all of this and doesn’t even try to take any of it back.

4) The actual factual fight scene is also very well done and leaves a lot to my shipping imagination. The way that they know each other just well enough to know the best ways to fight but both of them have to really put everything in to even get hits out on each other shows how closely they examine the other, for Izuku we know is is out of habit/ in his nature but for Katsuki this is eye opening, showing how much he truly pays attention to, even though his demeanor is very much ‘im the best and I don’t need to learn anything about anyone’ (this is not to say that he is not very very intelligent and can very easily evaluate fighting styles on the go during battle but to say he took time outside of battle to think about Izuku says something when it comes to Katsuki) also can we all take a second to appreciate when Katsuki has Izuku pinned to the floor and they are both panting *chefs kiss*

5) When Katsuki is talking to Izuku after he has him pinned he says ‘You have All Might’s power but even using his strength even after making it your own some how you still managed to lose to me.” and normally he would stress that he lost and that he specifally lost to him but when he says it he sounds resigned and slightly dissapointed, as if he expected to lose, which is something he never expects because he does have faith in his own abilities which shows that he, no matter how subconciously, thought Izuku would win, or maybe put up more of a fight. That coming from Katsuki is high praise.

6) When Katsuki starts his rant about how he finshed All Might and breaks down he talks about how it all keeps playing on loop and that everyone has to know about it, but who does he go to? Izuku. He goes to the one person who has always been in his life and has seen him at some of his lowest moments (sludge monster) and as I mentioned before the only one who truly knows what he is feeling. Izuku even says that Katsuki was more affected than he himself was and he is All Might’s succesor.

7) Moving a bit into Izuku, this is the first time we see him stand up for himself, before this most of their interactions are negative and Izuku allows Katsuki to walk all over him, but here he tells him that he won’t be a punching bag anymore, which puts them into the playing field as equals.

8) Izuku also narrates their relationship, hitting on how awful it was up until that point, how they knew each other for a long time, how they never talked about they ‘really felt’ which can be taken with some extra shipping context since it is directly from Izuku’s point of view.

9) More about everything Izuku says, this is the first time he hears what Katsuki thinks about him, how he thinks he is constantly beeing looked down on even though Izuku treated him like he was golden. This makes everything so much clearer for the two of them, the giant mess of misunderstanding that they needed to work through, this is their opening.

10) The magnificence of the line “All Might was my hero, but you were the one actually in my life!” this is one of the lines that plenty of people say solidified the ship for them, you get to physically see how much Izuku loves All Might, mere episodes before you see his room(s) (dorm+house) covered in All Might memorbilia but he flat out says that Katsuki had/has a bigger impact on him.

11) Izuku narrates something he would never admit, he even says that he would never admit it. He says that when he gets emotional and his desire to win takes over he subconciously starts to talk like Katsuki, think about that for a second, when Izuku is aware and not swept up in a fight, he is fully trying to emulate All Might, everytime he is fighting or doing resuce mission practice he thinks about what All Might would do or say. So much so that when he gets told off for saying the wrong thing during the Provisional liscence exam he beats himself up for not doing what All Might would at the begining of the rescue mission. Even with all of that he says that when he gets rilled up he starts to talk like Katsuki, this shows how much he looks at Katsuki and sees a hero, the ideal (thats a bit of a strong word but you get the point) when he wants to win so badly he does not try to copy the actual number one hero he tries to act like Katsuki, his hero, his image of victory. Also he calls him his image of victory, come on he is basically shipping himself at that point.

12) Katsuki thinks he isn’t good enough and says so to All Might and Izuku, the one who would never willingly accept anyones help he allowed himself to tell the two of them.

13) When All Might says that Izuku admires Katsuki for his strength and Kastuki fears Izukus heart and spirit, how is that not total shipping material?!

14) This all ends with Katsuki accepting his role in Izuku’s training, he didn’t even think about it for more than a second before he ‘threatened’ Izuku basically telling him that if he doesn’t get stronger on his own Katsuki will force him to get stronger

15) Then they have their little banter about surpassing each other (mad bants ;) ) then All Might mentions that they are now ‘Proper Rivals’ in a way they werent before. Their relationship grows and expands, with that a mutual resepct and understanding.

16) When Aizawa asks who threw the first punch Katsuki does not hesitate to admit that he did, even after thier one fight he is showing growth, he doesn’t try to play it off as if it was mutual, Izuku quickly jumps in and says he was at fault as well, not letting Katsuki take all of the balme. All Might has spoken to them once and yet they’re already working better together.

17) When the two are on house arrest and Izuku asks Katsuki what he thinks about the shoot style Katsuki gives him an actual answer, and even (back handedly) compliments him on it when previously he would have shaken it off and maybe even yelled at him for asking, major improvement in their relationship.

18) This last one is something that happens in every episode but really stands out as they fight. Katsuki still lets Izuku call him Kacchan, his childhood nickname. It would be so easy and probably more ‘in character’ for him to tell Izuku off for calling him something that would be considered so childish, but I think it is his own way of holding onto that part of himself, when they were young and quirks didn’t matter. Most of the conjecture about why he lets Izuku call him that is mostly fanon but it is definetly something that helps the ship.

OK so i rambled on for a lot longer than i originally intended but here you go to the one person who might read this far, this is for you thank you.

Also mind you this is a single 24 minute episode and there are 18 (EIGHTTEEN) points, although it is an episode deicted to the two of them, either way I ship bakudeku and this episode really did it for me.

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utopi4a · 5 years ago

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utopi4a ᵔᴗᵔ

✎ prompt generator

hey beauties♡ᵎᵎ you can request a prompt in any category you like. ◜ex : angst!, badboy au!, enemies to lovers au! etc.◝ or you can also request your own scenario & i promise to work hard on it and please don’t be shy to remind me of my mistakes so i”ll try harder. 🧺

1. “ you are so lucky that i love you “

2. “ you must tell him “

3. “ hey cutie “

4. “ i’m so lucky to have you “

5. “ i wanna be your trouble “

6. “ are you cold “

7. “ you’re lipstick stain is a work of art “

8. “ let them know baby “

9. “ im too soft for you “

10. “ you’re cute “

11. “ you’re hands are so cold “

12. “ want a hug? “

13. “ my mom is going to love you “

14. “ i like you “

15. “ don’t leave me “

16. “ dumbass, i like you “

17. “ we’re in this together, okay? “

18. “ if you want to talk to anyone, i’m here “

19. “ hold my hand “

20. “ be mine? “

21. “ are you okay? “

22. “ take a picture it will last longer “

23. “ are you challenging me? “

24. “ you look so cute when you blush “

25. “ i think that lipstick shade suits you “

26. “ you’re face is so red “

27. “ don’t lie “

28. “ do you want me to hold you “

29. “ open the window “

30. “ wanna get lost? “

31. “ i can’t keep my hands off of you “

32. “ dang, baby you look good “

33. “ you’re new hair suits you “

34. “ can you help me find my classroom? “

35. “ are you new here? “

36. “ want some water “

37. “ here, let me help you “

38. “ oh, are you okay? “

39. “ i’m better than him “

40. “ listen, help me with my research “

41. “ here, sit on my lap “

42. “ don’t worry i’m always here “

43. “ you have small hands “

44. “ i”ll keep you warm “

45. “ eyes on me, baby “

46. “ i”ll protect you, i promise “

47. “ you look cute wearing my shirt “

48. “ wear my jersey shirt, okay? “

49. “ my favorite cheerleader “

50. “ baby! put your phone down and cuddle with me, please “

51. “ i made you a playlist “

52. “ you look cute under me “

53. “ i told you, but you never listen “

54. “ i’m selfish i know, but i don’t ever want you to see him “

55. “ you still have my heart even if you don’t deserve it “

56. “ but i think that’s what i like about you, you’re an angel “

57. “ say yes and fulfill my dreams “

58. “ don’t let me go because i’m tired of being alone “

59. “I’m just a sucker for anything that you do”

60. I can’t change the world, but maybe I’ll change your mind”

61. “ now i wish we never met cause you're too hard to forget “

62. “ goddamnit, we look good together “

63. “ i want your love in every flavor “

64. “ with your love, i'm a better man “

65. “ all of my wrongs, they led me right to you “

66. “ i’m wrapped around your finger “

67. “ wrapped in your arms, i swear i'd die for your love “

68. “ the stupid truth is i'm so bad for you “

69. “ we got a whole night, won't you live it with me? “

70. “ this is so dangerous are you out of your mind “

71. “ you’re a sight, baby “

72. “ keep your hands around my waist “

73. “ tell your friends that you’re busy “

74. “ i love how your body feels on me “

75. "No matter what others say, don’t listen."

76. “ that effect that you always give me is getting out of hand “

77. “ sit next to me “

78. "Come here, I’m your paradise."

79. “ if someone tries to flirt with you again, I’ll have to show them that you’re mine.”

80. “ “They were undressing you with their eyes,”

81. “ that’s kinda rude? “

82. “I have the whole night to change your mind.”

83. “I want you with me 24/7.”

84. “You have something to say to me?”

85. “Baby, no. I would never. I love you too much.”

86. “ listen up, she’s not interested. come on baby “

87. “I burnt my finger using the curling iron,”

88. “ without you i am left alone. “

89. “ you have me to take care of such serious matters. “

90. “wow, you look so good in my clothes”

91. “ you should wear my clothes often “

92. “ you can’t die. please don’t die. “

93. “ i adore you “

94. “ hold me back “

95. “ what’s in the box “

96. “ i’m going to take care of you, okay? “

97. “ you taste like strawberries “

98. “ wow, you smell good “

99. “ baby, your shivering “

100. “ we’re meant for each other “

101. “ this is not right “

102. “ come here and cuddle with me “

103. “ can you stay a little longer? “

104. “ are we on a date right now “

105. “ you’re so hot when your mad “

106. “ do you wanna make out? “

107. “ are you out of your mind “

108. “ come home, i miss you “

109. “ you’ve got something on your lip, let me “

110. “ you really irresistible “

111. “ maybe in another time “

112. “ what’s the point? “

113. “ drop the attitude, baby “

114. “ do you really think i would let you go home alone in the middle of the night “

115. “ shh, keep quiet “

116. “ duck down “

117. “ if i asked you to say, would you “

118. “ hold my hand and never let go “

119. “ bite your lips once more, you”ll regret it “

120. “ baby, are you jealous? “

121. “ is that blood “

122. “ oh, wait shit “

123. “ don’t worry, i’m here to take care of you “

124. “ what do that legs do “

125. “ i don’t have patience, buck down “

126. “ you’re hair is so soft “

127. “ relax baby, i”ll do all the work “

128. “ you like being teased, huh? “

129. “ fuck, your whimpers making me hard “

130. “ baby, look what you’ve done to me “

131. “ baby, you’re in trouble “

feel free to suggest anything & i”ll do all the work :)

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chiibinomonodamon · 5 years ago

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Doujinshi Translation

Yeah. I finally sat my ass down and finished the first ZackRay book I purchased. xD Don’t like the ship?; well you can f*ck right off. :)

*There is nothing sexual in the book.

'Ai Wo Kuratte, Baka ni Naru' Eating Love Makes a Fool of Me by Tokiko Nao Translation by Chiibi. Please do not repost and do not make scanlations without crediting me.

Page 01 Ray monologues: I do not understand what 'love' is. Because it is not something that I've touched even once. 'Love' from a family. 'Love' from a friend. Or 'love' from a lover. I've never had even one of these. But if 'love' is an emotion we do not understand... Perhaps the identity of this feeling I don't understand could be...

Page 02 [Ray is sitting on the bed looking anxious] : Zack is late...but he said he was only going out for a minute... The police didn't find him, did they? He's going to come back, right? Loneliness, worry, and doubt are all spinning around in my head... I'm scared. My heart is aching. No...I'll stop thinking negatively... There's no point in thinking about 'what-ifs'. [music from the TV] Page 03 : This drama is...still going on? I was watching this just to kill time at the last motel we were at. TV dialogue: "I love you! Please don't leave me behind anymore...!" [Ray lays down on the bed, thinking] : "Love"...? "I love you"... What type of situation do you call 'love', I wonder... [she thinks of her mother] Was that love? [her father] Or maybe that? I'm certain those were both wrong. Because the story I watched before didn't seem that painful. They didn't scream or degrade each other. Page 04 The woman just whispers "Only being with you makes me so happy, darling." Is that 'love'? If I too...until my last moment of life... just be next to Zack... TV: "We will now continue with today's news" "Some time ago, around 10 p.m., the bodies of a man and woman couple were discovered by OO River." "A rather dangerous-looking knife was found at the scene of the crime." "It is thought to be the same type of weapon from the incident at XX River from the previous day. The culprit is thought to be among the escaped prisoners on the wanted list of..." [Ray looks scared] : "Zack...!" Page 05 "Yeah...did I scare ya? Ya still up, huh? Whatcha doin' with the lights off, anyway?" Ray: "Welcome back...you went quite far this time, right?" Zack:" Yeah..." Ray: "Did you...kill those people?" Zack: "So what if I did?" Ya gonna bitch about it now, after all this time?" Ray: "No, I won't. I just wanted to make sure." [Zack pulls off his coat]: "That so..."

Page 06 Ray sits on the bed, shyly twirling her hair around her finger. "I wonder if they were in love." Zack: "HAH?" Ray: "Those people were...a couple, right?" Zack: "I don't friggin' know. Don't mean shit to me." Ray: "Hey Zack, do you know... what love is?" [He grimaces at her] Page 07 [Tousling Ray's hair] "I should be askin' YA instead!" "Ya think I actually KNOW!? Yer gonna make me puke again!" Ray: "Stop it~" "Well...I don't know..." "But I..." "I think I'm happy...just being with you... so I wonder if this is what love is..." "I mean, that's what the drama said...Zack, what do you think...?"

Page 08 [He gets mad] "THAT'S DAMN GROSS! ARE YA TALKIN' IN YER SLEEP OR WHAT!?" "C'mon! It's time for little brats to go to bed! We're leavin' this town tomorrow, right!? You'll oversleep!" [Ray pouts thinking] The one I'd worry about doing that is YOU actually... [She gets into bed] :" Take a shower before you go to sleep, okay?" Zack: "Yeah yeah" Ray: Thank God he came back... It's strange...how before I was so scared, I couldn't stand it... Page 09 But now that Zack is here, I'm okay. I feel warm and comforted. I don't want to give him to anyone. I won't let anyone destroy this. I won't let anyone get in the way. For that I would... Page 10 [birds chirping] Zack: We leavin' already....? Let's keep sleepin'...it's still 5 a.m.... Ray: There's no way we can do that. Because of yesterday's incident, the police are going to be more watchful than ever. So please behave yourself just for today, all right? [He yawns] "All right..." Page 11 Ray: I'm going to go check out what's ahead of us. Zack, you stay here. [rub rub] Zack: Don't go too far. Ray: I know. [she grins a little] "I'm just going to take a peek around the corner." Ray thinking: No matter how deserted the town is supposed to be...all these shops have security cameras so we have to avoid the main roads... "This area looks clear." [peeks to and fro] [click of a gun] [scream] Zack: RAY!? Page 12 : HEY! RAY...!? Ray: Don't come over here!! Policedude who's touching Ray like how dare you: "You're the wanted criminal, Issac Foster, aren't you!" Ray: Zack! Police douche: Walking around with this kidnapped girl...! Ray thinking: Oh! Come to think of it, that was on the news yesterday...! Zack doesn't have a weapon now...! Because I made the mistake of choosing this way, he might be killed this time...! That can't happen! I have to do something...! Page 13: Ray thinking: Even though I've been caught, they won't kill me! I have to get Zack to escape!! [she grabs douche] : "HURRY AND RUN FOR IT!" douche: What the...let go!" Ray: ZACK...! GO NOW!! Zack: If I run, what're YOU gonna do?! Ray: That's not the problem right n- Zack: That IS the problem right now. You know, Ray? I'm not givin' up. I'll kill 'im with my BARE HANDS and run if I have to! Ray thinking : Ah... I see. I finally get it now. This is all the same as that drama show. In that case I... Douche: Stand back! If you go with that man, he will kill you for sure! Page 14 Ray clicks the gun "That's OUR VOW." "Don't get in the way." I no longer fear sin Zack: Are ya glad ya used that? Ray: No...the truth is I never intended to do so. But it would be troublesome for them to find out that I'm traveling with you or that I have a gun on me.... [panting] I intended to distract him so you could escape. I knew that's what I should have done yet... Yet I didn't like it. Page 15 Ray crying: "I DON'T WANT TO BE SEPARATED FROM YOU ANYMORE!" "That's why my selfishness took over. I'm so sorry..." [He sighs] Ray: I'm sure the reinforcements will get here soon and find this. Zack: Yeah. Ray: And then they'll find out about me, how we have guns, and everything we've done up to now. Zack: Yeah. Ray: And escaping them is going to be harder to do than ever before... I'm sure the past version of me would never have done something so rash and stupid... But I don't regret it!

Page 16

Ray: I did something I wanted to do so... [Zack wipes her face^^] : Ah geeeze ya talk way too long! Say yer main point already!! If ya don't regret it, then it was obviously the right action. Quit thinkin' about EVERY LITTLE THING, stooooopid. [sniffle] Ray: ...okay. Zack: Good grief and if yer gonna kill 'im, shoot 'im faster! Ray: I can't do that... If I were to act without thinking the same way you do, we'd... Zack: Ya ended up shootin' 'im without thinkin' ANYWAY! Tryin' to start somethin' with me!? Let's go now. [sting] Their backup guys might be comin'. Ray: Yes, you're right. [thinking] Back then... Page 17 I remembered the drama I saw on the TV at the motel. There was a scene with a lover being killed. The one who killed and the one who was killed both said "It's for the sake of love." When I remembered that, I thought such a burden of sin was a lovely thing. That's why I finally understood. If it's for your beloved, committing a sin is a way of loving that person. Speaking of which, Zack too [peek] killed that man in order to save me. But maybe he just wanted to kill him anyway. Yes, the probability of that is pretty high... Page 18 Maybe Zack also... Zack: What're ya starin' so hard at a guy's face for? [Ray blushes] ...nah I'm probably overthinking the convenience of it. Zack: Yer face is bright red, ain't it? Still cryin'? Ray: ...don't look! Last page [Now that she knows the taste of love, she cannot go back to the wise girl she once was] Omake: Zack: Ray suddenly started the waterworks [blah blah] Her emotions are pretty unstable... BUT I HAVE NO CLUE WHY SHE'S CRYIN'!!! [blah blah] [yeah] And she's talkin' too much! [blah blah] [yeah] Seems like a pain to interrupt her an' ask... But I can at least be a yes-man, I guess... Ray: But I don't regret it! It hurts if you do that... Zack: IS THAT ALL THIS IS ABOUT!!? Don't freak me out like that, dammit! [End!]

#zackray #doujinshi #translations #angels of death #satsuriku no tenshi #issac foster #rachel gardner #shoujo #josei

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queeruma · 5 years ago

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pastelbatfandoms replied to your post “Unpopular opinion: (ignore if you're not taking them anymore) It's not...”

How are Ben's parents abusive? I think out of all the Aurodon kids,Audrey has the most abusive.

I’m like a week late replying to this, I’m so sorry!

So, I agree with you that Audrey’s grandmother is Terrible with a capital T, (’and perhaps I have owed you one, too’ biTCH HOW ABOUT APOLOGISING TO YOUR OWN GRANDAUGHTER FIRST????), but I would say Ben’s parents... well, even if you don’t want to use the word abusive, I’d say they’ve cultivated a pretty unhealthy relationship with their son, and they don’t treat him well.

I wrote about the way Beast treats him here, if you’d like to read about that in more detail, and admittedly I’d say Beast treats him worse than Belle does. However, that post is based on the first book, not on the films, so I’ll talk more about those now - and in the films, I’d say Beast and Belle are pretty much equal in how terribly they treat their son.

First film:

Ben is 16 years old. Why, exactly, is he becoming king (high king? emperor? disney im begging you to sort out your shit)? We see that he’s in school with at least a few other students who will also, presumably, take over their respective countries at some point, being their parents’ direct heirs. But neither Audrey nor Chad seem even close to becoming the leaders of their... nations? states?

If Ben were in the UK, where I live, he wouldn’t even be taking his A-Levels yet. He’s in no way old enough to handle the responsibility of running a country, let alone an empire-type situation. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with Beast or Belle, and I refuse to take tradition as the excuse, considering the United States/Kingdom of Auradon has only been established for twenty years. They’ve only had one king! And it’s Beast, who also didn’t become king at 16, so there’s literally no reason for Ben to be taking over now, except that Beast and Belle want him to. This is so fucking irresponsible - and unfair of them to place that pressure onto a literal child. Beast calls him a baby in the very first scene!

Then, we have the infamous family day scene. Beast and Belle give their son absolutely no support when things start going wrong, even though Leah is behaving egregiously towards children who are under their care, and in the end they blame Ben for everything that’s gone wrong, and walk away, leaving him alone.

Second movie:

They just fuck off. Their 16-17 year old son is trying to juggle managing an entire... country? empire? continent? while being a full time student and apparently also making a full tour of Auradon and making press appearances. Could he possibly need any help? Nah, time for a six month long cruise. When they do eventually come back, and something is off with Ben and Mal’s relationship, they immediately go to Mal, without taking a moment to speak to Ben about why he’s acting the way he is. From the audience’s perspective, this seems fine, since we know Uma’s probably done something to Ben. But from their perspective? Who cares about understanding their son, better make sure we comfort Mal, who is already surrounded by friends, first. (this is not me saying that Mal doesn’t deserve comfort in this scene. she’s having a super awful time. I’m just pointing out that they never seem to be in their son’s corner.)

Third Movie:

Oh good god, where do I even begin with the third film? The first scene we see them, they seem... fine. They congratulate Mal on her engagement, Belle makes some comment about finally having a daughter, Beast says well done to his son - I don’t think Belle says anything to Ben at all? Idk, it’s easy to read this charitably and say that Ben’s obviously already discussed this with them a lot, therefore there’s no reason for them to focus on him now. Mal is our main character, so we get to see their interactions with her. This is fine.

Then, the scene where Mal decides the barrier needs to be closed.

(A real-life image of me sitting through this fucking scene.)

First of all, Beast, Belle and Fairy Godmother have themselves positioned as a solid line opposite Ben. They’re literally opposing him right from the beginning. Beast instantly takes this condescending tone, as if Ben hasn’t realised that Hades almost escaping is not a great thing.

Once Ben has received his text? call? whatever that was about the crown and sceptre having being stolen, and Beast and Belle aren’t getting the reaction they want from him - Beast instantly accuses Uma of the theft and Ben defends her - they immediately turn to Mal, putting the weight of the decision on her, even though at this point she doesn’t have the authority to make the decisions. She’s engaged to the king, sure, but she’s basically just an 18 year old girl who’s just graduated high school. The second she gives them an answer they like - to close the barrier for good - they turn back to Ben and nod at him as if to say ‘see? even your girlfriend knows trying to do the right thing by those kids is a stupid idea’. The only time in this scene when Ben gets a chance to speak his mind is when he and Mal are having their conversation, away from the adults.

After Mal has done her best to talk Ben into it, Beast steps forward, and it’s here that I noticed - all the way through this film, he refers to Ben as son. Maybe that’s just meant to be a sign of affection, but in this context at least I can’t help interpreting it as Beast, at least subconsciously, trying to place Ben back into the dynamic where he has authority - father and son - rather than acknowledging Ben as the king, and therefore the one with the power to make the final choice.

And of course, we have the moment with Hades, where he refuses to move and growls, even though Hades has done nothing to warrant any kind of threat. Then, in the final scene, he objects even when it’s clear Mal and Ben are on the same page about opening the barrier. His behaviour speaks of a man who can’t handle letting go of control of any situation - and people who refuse to give up control don’t typically make great parents.

Now

I can’t say any of the behaviours I’ve listed here, like, individually depict abusive actions? But I can say that even without the books, which cast Beast (and therefore Belle, since she’s letting all this go on without speaking up) in a pretty damn negative light, when you put all of this together it’s possible to come up with a very sinister interpretation. And because these are the people who came up with, implemented, and tried to keep the idea of the Isle, I think interpreting their actions as less than just bad-parents-who-are-trying-their-best is pretty justified.

So, my interpretation is as follows:

Beast and Belle are placing their son onto the throne so young because they know he’s going to take over at some point, and if they throw him into it when he’s young, unsure of himself, and swamped with other work, he’ll depend far more on them to help him make decisions. They want to stay in control even once they’ve officially stepped down. They don’t help him during the first film because they want him doubting himself and his choices. They leave in D2 because it doesn’t really matter to them whether he’s doing okay as king or not. And by the end of D2/beginning of D3, they’ve realised Ben isn’t going to be manipulated as easily as they wanted him to, and they’ve moved on to Mal. I’ll just remind you of this:

hmmmm, Beast has been teaching Mal how to lead and it just so happens that in D3 she’s far more sympathetic to his way of thinking than she was at the end of D2. Wonder how that could have happened?

Mal, who after D1 is unsure of her place in Auradon, and no longer has the relationship with her mother that she originally depended on to guide her, is now perfectly placed to be manipulated herself, and therefore help them manipulate their son.

I know that’s just one interpretation but seriously??? When do we ever see a really genuine, happy moment between Ben and his parents where they don’t at some point cast doubt on something he does, except that one time his father congratulated him on getting engaged (to a girl he approves of)? Even at the end of D1, when Mal attempts to apologise to them outside the cathedral, Beast immediately places the focus back on Ben and his decisions - ‘I told Ben this wasn’t going to be easy’.

I guess what I’m trying to say is like... the films never take the time to properly establish that Ben has a good relationship with his parents, and so their whole relationship in the films, especially when you add the material from the first book, just ends up feeling super creepy and honestly, pretty cruel. It’s just conflict conflict conflict, without any material to properly contrast it. I don’t think Beast and Belle are in any way good people in this universe, and I certainly don’t believe they’re good parents.

#pastelbatfandoms #also while writing this post i ended up rewatching break this down and remembered just how much i loathe the ending of d3 #so that was fun #king beast #queen belle #anti king beast #anti queen belle #anti fairy godmother #that one less so but like.... she's there for all of it you know?#ben #mal #h speaks #long post #disney descendants #descendants 3 #descendants 2 #i feel like there's still more to say but i can't think of it right now #i really hope this post doesn't come across as me lecturing you btw!!!!!!!#i'll just take any excuse to talk about how mistreated ben is bc he's one of my faves

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abiik · 4 years ago

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4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 28, 29 + a, b, c, h for xingchen / 1-10 & 15-20 + a, b for zhi yin ?

aaaaaaa thank u for this jo!!!!! sorry this took so long!!! anyway this is. also very LENGTHY so im putting it under a cut <333333

xingchen

4. how easy is it to earn their trust?

it is actually very difficult to earn their trust, only because xingchen doesn’t allow people close enough in order to do so. the very few people who do have their hard-earned trust before the gang comes around is their remaining bio family.

5. how easy is it to earn their mistrust?

i wouldn’t say it’s easy for xingchen to suddenly mistrust you after earning their trust. they actually are the type to hold out for you for far longer than they probably should. while there are like, inklings of mistrust here in there, they’ll probably still trust you to watch their back in a fight and defend you against others who are like ‘xingchen maybe that isn’t a good idea :/’ they have a whole lot of hope & love for the world, though, & it's very hard for them to give up just anyone, especially someone who has previously earned their trust.

6. do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

xingchen was raised that laws are immovable, so they’ve grown up knowing & believing this philosophy for most things. however, as they’ve grown older they’ve realized that maybe they aren’t completely sure about this. perhaps, it can be situational.

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

snow. winter on the mountain triggers nostalgia for them. seeing the jade amulet & sword that belonged to their mother & the calligraphy set that belonged to their father but mostly snow. they do not enjoy the feeling. they will subject themself to it anyway.

11. how do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

it mostly depends on where it comes from or who they’re around and what they’re confused about. usually they’ll simply ask to clarify; there’s no use in going into a situation pretending like they know something & they all get themselves killed because of negligence and pride. but…. that pride is exactly what gets the better of xingchen sometimes and it’s fucking hilarious.

28. would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

xingchen would absolutely prefer an unpleasant truth to a lie. they would possibly mumble through it or deliver it stiffly/coldly so as to be detached from the unpleasant feeling, but at least you would know the truth.

29. do they usually live up to their own ideals?

hmm. this is... difficult because so much of xingchen’s ideals were crafted by someone else, expectations put on them by someone else. outwardly, it would seem so. for xingchen, i think that they would always feel as though they have not done enough, or that they could have done something differently; that there is always room for them to improve to become the most perfect version of themself. they’re very tough on themself and i think that it begins getting worse around the second youxiong arc & the aftermath of that & the entirety of new boot goofin arc :)

a – why are u excited about this character?

i love xingchen’s energy!! their thoughts and their feelings are something i love to explore as well as like, the way that they’d react to things bc their method is so different than zoe’s. im also excited bc, just. like. the outward perception of xingchen is so different when compared to who they are as a person, unfiltered and raw.

b – what inspired u to create them?

xingchen was the order in the chaos; that’s initially why they were created. the body of their character was this philosophy, to balance zoe, to mirror her. xingchen’s name was something that was conceived almost like, directly after this, and once again, it was a mirror to zoe’s birth name - xian, and the implications behind that. xingchen’s name was mainly chosen bc of the amount of stars that surround their planet: 4. so xingchen’s name & this idea of someone who completed zoe’s balancing act, who ordered the chaos, crafted the idea of a character that was, in a way, the juxtaposition of celestial and earthly (like zoe) but only slightly to the left, wherein even to zoe, this character would be someone you were in awe of. they always sort of felt like the human embodiment of a shooting star, moved by duty and the righting of wrong to come down to earth. xingchen & zoe are technically on the same spectrum, but they have different methods, and that’s what i wanted from xingchen. i wanted a character that did elicit this feeling of awe, because of how amazing, talented, attractive etc. they are, EVEN TO ZOE, but was also intensely stubborn and, initially, very stuck on this ‘my way, or the high-way’ sort of mentality. i WANTED xingchen to create conflict with zoe and zoe to create conflict with xingchen, bc i wanted it to be an opportunity for both characters to be taken out of their comfort zones by each other.

of course, other things, small images, inspired me further when creating a silhouette for xingchen: blue & white; white jade; the sunrise; loquats; clouds; snow on mountain tops; spring; music played on a guqin; ballet & figure skating; swan <3

c – did u have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

hmm i did have trouble figuring out how i would involve them, or any of the rest of youxiong, into zoe’s story after the new boot goofin arc. sure she made off world excursions late in that arc after her recovery, but there wasn’t a lot & my mind was blank. i’m still looking to involve xingchen more maybe bc im not 100% sure on the whole roommates thing.

h – what trait do u admire most?

tbh how deeply xingchen feels things. they don’t communicate it often, it’s difficult for them, both verbally and visually, and sometimes even physically, but they feel everything so, so deeply and that’s. i just really love them a l o t.

zhi yin

1. what’s the maximum amount of time ur character can sit still with nothing to do?

yin can sit still for a moderate amount of time with nothing to do. she fiddles, though, with her fingers or with her clothes, even when she isn’t particularly nervous.

2. how easy is it for ur character to laugh?

it’s fairly easy for yin to laugh if she’s on good terms with you - & this is mostly everyone as she believes the best of everyone, that everyone is generally good.

3. how do they put themselves to bed at night? (reading, singing, thinking?)

yin usually starts by making herself - & cheng – something warm to drink & once she’s assured her brother she’s fine & sent him off to bed, she’ll curl up in bed & read about far away places or an interesting new techniques that she knows she’ll never be able to try until she passes out.

4. how easy is it to earn their trust?

it’s hard for me to gauge how easy it is bc yin DOESN’T trust most ppl. she’s the type of person who looks like she would be easy to win over, & she would be likable & sweet to u, but the only ppl yin is loyal to & trusts at the beginning are cheng, her uncle, and oddly enough, zoe. so like, while she does believe ppl are generally good, this doesn’t mean that she has every intention of falling victim to someone’s wrongdoings or intentions to harm people she cares about bc she trusted blindly on account of this philosophy. she’s cautious, but she doesn’t have this all-around anxiety like cheng, and she isn’t gullible like everyone intends her to be. for yin, i think it is like this: if cheng or zoe trusts you, she will trust you, but she will be cautious, and mostly look to them.

5. how easy is it to earn their mistrust?

i think in order to lose yin’s trust, you would have to lie to her. like, big time. or hurt her family.

6. do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

yin is on the fence with this. with her uncle zhi as one of her mentors & cheng always looking out for her, laws/rules were immovable in order to keep her in a box & (in cheng’s situation) to keep her safe. however, their clan never actually taught them that rules had to be followed so rigidly (they follow a philosophy that one should achieve the impossible) that they were flexible, so i do think yin leans more towards flexible, but has anxiety about acting it out.

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

making soup, walking on the docks, boating out on the river, practicing forms with cheng. yin does enjoy it, even if it is sometimes bittersweet.

8. what were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

stop daydreaming so much. (she wasn’t daydreaming) :)

9. do they swear? do they remember their first swear word?

yin doesn’t swear! not really

10. what lie do they most frequently remember telling? does it haunt them?

‘i’m fine.’/ ‘i feel fine!’ yes.

15. how do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

yin has a soft, pleasant voice. it’s almost like a whisper but its warm & sweet. she has the type of voice that if u were in a crowd, because of the tone of it, u might not be able to hear her even if she was standing next to u & speaking. her tone is always very sincere, or slightly teasing. she can stutter a lot when she’s excited or nervous. yin thinks about what she says usually, but sometimes she does pipe up & blurt what she’s just thought of on the spot. rarely does she raise her voice, but when she does, u know she means business.

16. what makes their stomach turn?

when she goes under. it’s an awful feeling of being disconnected from herself & not knowing what she did while she was out, & seeing everyone’s faces after, looking them in the eye after what she could have possibly done & them seeing what happens to her when she get ‘sick.’

17. are they easily embarrassed?

yes. yin is easily flustered, if that’s the same thing. she fumbles over her words in this case & will fiddle with her hands. crying is sometimes the result of being embarrassed too :) but i would rather not think about yin crying…

18. what embarrasses them?

usually anyone acting particularly brash, or flirty. when she, herself, makes a grand gesture on her own end, and it’s rejected. sometimes being reminded that she can’t cultivate while others can, that she’s a lacking heir.

19. what is their favorite number?

hmm three.

20. if they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do it?

yin might explain familial love as brushing her a-cheng’s hair out of his face & patting his head despite him being taller than her just to piss him off a little, nagging him until he rolls his eyes & does as she says, or finding a blanket tucked over her that clearly wasn’t there before after a late night of reading at her desk. she might explain platonic love as sitting with zoe on the docks with their toes in the water, zoe’s head on her shoulder & both of them spilling their hearts out, or sharing tea & poetry with xingchen for the first time, seeing them blush around the tips of their ears & having to stifle her giggles until they finally broke the tension with a laugh of their own. yin doesn’t know how to explain the difference of romantic love yet.

a – why are u excited about this character?

yin has so many different, like, facets & she’s really fun to think about. i really love thinking about her dynamic with zoe, but i especially love to think about her dynamic with others in the group & how she might get along with them & how their relationships will progress. she’s really sweet & is willing to help people out of the good will of her heart but still holds them at a distance & is like…disconcerting in a way, and that’s a character i’m pretty sure i’ve never had before, so she’s pretty new to me.

b – what inspired u to create them?

yin remained a mystery to me for so long, hence why her name is yin. she was like a little shadow. she remains a little shadow. a secret still. something i, and everyone, has yet to figure out. a dark spot with a gentle smile that stayed at zoe’s side. she’s the shadow in the pond that you arent too sure is a stick or a snake or not, but you keep creeping closer to anyway bc you think if it were a snake it would have made some move to get closer to you by now. and yin’s not a snake. she’s the turtle in this story. or a shell, perhaps. a lucky dark little tortoise shell. she can be a little scary at times, as the person creating her, and for the other characters interacting with her, but also she comes off as completely harmless. like a lake or a river wide and deep enough to swim in. yin has really just been fragments and pieces, little ideas here and there, that have come together to create a very healing, loving character that just has an overwhelming flood of love pouring out from her at all times.

there was also the idea, story-wise, of wanting to create a character that doesn’t become friends with zoe specifically bc of a shared interest/goal – yin doesn’t want to kill her uncle; she genuinely wants to be zoe’s friend. they do share traits & like. actual interests – they’re both family oriented, hence why yin wouldn’t want to kill her family – but yin isn’t zoe’s loyal-ass friend bc they have a similar moral code or bc they had similar goals & became close over the course of the mission etc. like jason, for example. the lotus is a big symbol for yin as well, which connects her directly to zoe, who is representative of the center.

ask me some q’s about my ocs!!

#h talks.#h replies.#jo #shrined #oc: xingchen #oc: zhi yin #oc asks #this is so long & it took so long JO IM SO SORRY #BUT !!! IT WAS ALSO SO MUCH FUN !!#SO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!#<33333 #IM REALLY HAPPY TO SHARE #also thank you for waiting so patiently #i hope this is coherent enough & that i understood the questions ?? sjkjdkje #ANYWAY !! I LOVE YOU #long post /

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