#-that specific part of a body being treated as if it doesn't belong to you. You know.

[hajihiko]

Your tag saying Mikan is gonna have it rough has me worried. She’s already been through enough! I mean they all have but especially her! I don’t even want to imagine what her haunting is like!

there's no metric for suffering so it's not like she literally has more bad than the boys. I just mean that, to me, things pertaining to childbirth and the menstrual cycle is horror in itself so it hits harder

[totallylala]

pick a pile: Your current Feminine energy

How to properly pick a pile: take a deep breath, in through the nose, out through your mouth, slowly. Say your name, 3 times to call your energy back to you. Say out loud, the title of the PAC, then close your eyes. Out loud, say Pile one, and wait. Pile 2, and wait. Pile 3, and wait. With your eyes closed, your Soul will guide you to the pile you need to hear from through signs from your body. See when you yawn, or burp? That's the pile for you.

This is a collective reading. It addresses a large crowd throughout time and space. Not every single thing can resonate with you. It is not a personal reading. So, only receive what aligns with your Heart and leave what doesn't.

Triggers: My readings can be triggering as per the depths I connect to. If you feel violently upset about the reading, breathe and check in with your Heart. You always have a choice to accept the truth, or reject it. Everything is a choice.

Pile One: I choose to focus on the good.

There is a lot of avoidance energy in this pile; Feminines who consciously choose to ignore certain part of the Feminine collective and focus solely on the parts that bring them what they want, on the part that fit their own narratives.

I’m seeing that, here, Feminine energy is used for a purpose only, on its own you see no use to the Feminine energy. You have a very limited vision of it. Your vision of the Feminine very much the one the toxic Masculine has. It is similar to the vision of the Feminine Patriarchy holds: a Feminine that has a very specific use and should therefore be used for that purpose and nothing else.

It is a vision that traps Feminine energy into a role, behind a golden cage, which closes you off from amazing opportunities. 

You seek the Feminine energy as weak and unable to take you where you desire, protect you, provide for you.

'Let your creativity pay you.' I hear. But you also have a distorted view of creative energy.

Your Jupiter suffers greatly. Because you have this amazing planet of expansion and abundance which desires to bring you opportunities for growth, for wisdom, for knowledge and for prosperity, but you reject them all constantly.

The energy of this pile as a Feminine is one of a Dog: loyal to the Masculine that has trained them into fearing change, fearing their own power and fear of standing in your own power. You’ve been trained into servitude and obedience to a master that….is that Masculine master treating you well, Feminine?

You feel like you have no choice but obey and stick to the Masculine’s side regardless how wrong and detestable their views are against everything that you are, want to be, and need, because you were made to believe that this is all you can aspire to. I am sensing some of you Pile one are stuck in a moral battle following the US elections.

I am feeling so many Feminines in this piles resenting Feminism and thinking it is the source of their struggles. They don’t want to work, they don’t want to hustle and suffer…. Who said you had to?

Feminism is the movement that fought for women to have the right to educate themselves and read books. It is the moment that gave you the right to no longer be property but a person, as such you no longer belong, by law to the male of your house (father or elder brother or uncle, etc) first, and then your husband. You are a person in your own right. Feminism gave you the right to vote in the society you live in. Feminism is the mouvement that gave you the right to choose whether you want to have children or not. It is the moment that brought to light the sexual violence women, married or not, faced at the hands of men. Being forced into pregnancy by non consensual sex. The moment fought for the end of slavery so all women could be free and not belong to any man. It gave you the right to travel on your own, and be outside of your house without a chaperone.

Educate yourself before resenting the freedom you enjoy. The hard life you resent is the result of capitalism and patriarchy. Greed of the riches impovering those who have less than them, and resentment at women seeking to build a life of their own and no longer being propriety for men to violate led to measures to push women back into unions that not only dimmed their light, but also completely stole it from them. It is an entirely different thing.

Understand that as a Feminine being, you are a creator. Once you reconnect to the energy of fertility and creation, you will be able to create the life you desire as you desire to.

Your joy is the ultimate creator. Your joy and your pleasure. 

Can you say with honesty that you feel complete joy at your life and the person that you are? Can you say that your body lights up at the thought of going through with your day? Do you smile randomly throughout your day knowing you are exactly who you dream of being at the bottom of your heart and you made your dream come true for yourself? 

Can you look into the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself with your whole heart?

Pile 1, the card ‘Answer the call’ came for you.

It seems you have felt disconnected from your Feminine energy, from your life or even your Heart lately. I feel a singing that has stopped. A heart that used to be buzzing with so much energy that now no longer vibrates on this frequency, the buzzing can no longer be heard.

You are called from the depths of your own being, to find yourself again. Before you are lost to the shame, the guilt, and the darkness that has slowly been consuming you, before you become this person that lives on auto pilote and moves through the motion of life without truly being there, forever. It is not too late. All it takes is the courage to put a step in front of the others towards another door.

I am being shown a situation where it is not safe for a Feminine to be who they want to be, because of their family, the people they live with and depend on.

I am shown to start the inner work, as you reclaim thee lost pieces of your own self, you will gain strength and be able to receive more opportunities. These opportunities will align you with your freedom. It’ll be a slow but steady journey into reclamation of your Feminine and reclamation of your joy and life.

You have to look at this whole situation, and who you are in a different light. First, you have to be honest with yourself. I feel like you refuse to face the truth because deep down, you hate yourself. You hate that you cannot be this Feminine goddess who rests, loves, makes loves to a counterpart that loves you gently. You dream of softness and beauty and art and you hate who you’ve settled to become instead. You have told yourself your dreams cannot come true, it’s unrealistic and you hate on women and Feminine beings who experience the love, the ease, the flow and joy you crave. I am seeing you send so much evil eye and negative energy towards other women. There is also for some of you a racism angle to this: you particularly hate on Black women who have what you don’t. You were told you were better than Black women, that they were the bottom of the food chain, and so you don’t understand nor can accept when a Black woman is being loved as you desire to be love (but aren’t, earning lots of money, being successful and living the life you aspire to but haven’t achieve.

I feel this wound of envy, hatred and anger in my left side, on the middle back. It is so sharp it hinders my breathing. 

Until you admit to yourself the envy and hatred you hold in your heart and why, it’ll continue not only to eat you alive, but hinder you from actually healing, and creating the life of your dreams. You cannot free yourself and step into your Divine Feminine self from a place of hatred towards the Divine Feminine.

Pile Two: I choose Joy, I surrender.

Exhaustion is the first word that resonated into my space as I felt this pile.

You are at the end of a long road, Pile 2. You have stopped pretending. I am seeing this is no longer something you’re willing to do. The energies of Sekhmet and Lilith came forward so strongly, like a powerful whoosh. A gust of wind that filled the space.

You put your foot down, pile 2. You decided to stop pretending, playing princess and actually become a fucking Queen.

You decided the Feminine you aspire to become was worth the destruction of the person you currently were, and the life you led along with it.

And the Dark Feminine is showing up to support your transformation journey. Destruction is what leads to creation. Only by destroying what no longer has a place in your life can you have the space to create what you truly desire.

I am seeing so much red and crimson and a deep burgundy. I am seeing light coming from a fire so pure. You are in the process of reconnecting to your Dark Feminine by unleashing your rage. It is giving you the strength necessary to set the world ablaze.

“As long as you choose Love, you choose you,” Sekhmet says. “It takes strength to choose Love, no matter what. It is a lonely road and not many have the courage to walk a path by their own selves.”

Validate yourself. 

Have pride in your choice, knowing not many have the courage to make the same one.

This transformation cycle of yours will be extremely busy. It’ll bring so many feelings up to the surfaces that you will need to discuss with the Feminines around you. I see a lot of discussions and receptivity as well. Friendsips will end as you no longer ar e willing to compromise on your Heart, your principles and it is important to let them go. You will receive connections that don’t demand you to betray your Heart, and will allow you to be your fullest and truest self.

Be gentle with yourself along this process, understand it is a journey. You will slip up; You will hesitate. It’s okay to fear loosing it all. It’s okay to need a minute. Just keep asking your Heart, feeling your rage, and having the courage to demand more. From the world and from yourself.

It is not a time for you to mindlessly argue though, Spirit is showing me to not bother with communication with those whom you feel just want to argue. If you sense they are not connecting to your Heart but instead wants your attention, your time… let them go and rest your voice.

In a time of transformation, your Mind cannot be the compass, you must learn to trust your Heart. This is where your Dark Feminine lies, where your power lies. In times of transformation, chaos surrounds you and you cannot see clearly through it. Your Heart can as it your Soul. Trust that. Even if none of the steps it guides you to take make sense. Trust your Self.

Pile Three: I was born to be free, I choose to be free.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see Pile 3?

I see a swan and beautiful pink roses, blooming incessantly. I see an elegant dive to the depths of the lake. I see a graceful glide over the unperturbed waters. I see ease. I see flow.

But you don’t see that. You feel as if you’re not there yet. You feel like you haven’t connected to your Feminine energy, as if you’re not doing the right things. Feminine energy isn’t doing, it is an embodiment. Masculine energy is in our actions; Feminine energy is in our embodiment, our stillness. Consciousness and Matter.

I see you longing for a home not realising that you embody it. You seek to uncover the secrets of the Moon and dance with Venus, not feeling their intimate whispers in your ears. Venus is in your dedication to your Feminine and your respect. The Moon flows with you in the way you navigate life and all these little inconveniences.

You’ve learned to navigate your emotions, to accept your emotional self, your sensitivity. You have stopped telling yourself you feel too much, are too much, and cry too much. You now love and respect your sensitive heart, and you hold space for it.

You’ve done well, Pile 3.

All that is left to do now, is for you to let go of the shadow of your past self, the one that didn’t love and respect your sensitive Heart. It is time for you to see yourself, who you have become and embody, and let go of the past self you still believe you are.

Let go of them, so you can finally move forward at great speed.

I feel so much restrictions and frustrations in your energy and even in your life. These are the product of you operating from the past self and not fully embodying this loving Feminine. Your curent iteration wants to have fun, and would have an easier time manifesting shit if they were’t held back but the shadow of your past self, gritting their teeth in anger and frustration.

They don’t understand why you allow yourself to be happy and ‘so damn emotional’. These words had a male voice when spoken into my mind, so I’m sensing there were men around you throughout your life, who repeatedly told you that your sensitivity was too much, and a burden, and something to get rid of.

As you are currently still holding onto these men and the love you have for them, the fear you have of them and because they have a strong hold on you, you haven’t been able to get rid of your past self.

A cord cutting would enable you to let go of that past self, but also to free yourself from the negative hold these men have on you. Once you let go, let it all go, you’ll be able to move forward in life with much more ease. Your cup will start filling top and your ability to trust and receive will be the only things left to work on. 

The cord cutting you will do will need to address the Head space (Crown energetic center, Mind center and the limiting beliefs they filled your head with). 

You’re doing great, Pile 3!

I hope this reading brought the healing you needed to receive at this time 🌻✨.

With love, Lala 🌸

[tangents-within-tangents]

As much as I love sweet headcanons and found family fics about the Batch accepting Echo and supporting him through his adjustment and PTSD/trauma, gotta remember that what we were actually given in canon is this:

Hunter: Me and the boys will tag along anyway, if only to say I told you so. Crosshair: I would have left him for dead too. Besides, he's just another reg. (his rescue was just a mission for them, wouldn't have done it otherwise)

Tech: To be blunt his mind belonged to the Separatists until we unplugged him. We don't really know where his loyalties lie. Rex: Yeah? Well I know. Hunter: Alright Echo what are you trying to pull? Tech: How do we know that's what you're really going to do? Hunter: Well I guess you actually are on our side. (They openly doubt his loyalty even though they saw what he went through, and he already fought alongside them on Skako. Feels kinda victim-blamey to me, and it's odd that it goes straight from this to him joining them, like he had to prove himself worthy first? It's just the opposite of fanon which usually has the Batch be immediately sympathetic/protective and assume the regs would distrust him)

Tech: You are more machine than man, percentage wise at least. Echo, a triple amputee: *sigh* lucky me...

Palpatine: ...the attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed Wrecker: You can say that again! Echo, a physically disabled person:

Echo, who was medically experimented on: *injured and having a panic attack in the medbay* The Batch: *off somewhere joking/betting about if he’s dead*

Tech: -from the Citadel rescue when you... how shall I put this? Wrecker: Blew up!! :D Crosshair: And turned into that Echo: *sigh* yes

Random stranger: *mistakes Echofor a droid* Hunter: *smiles and goes along with it for the credits* Echo, who was SOLD and dehumanized as a pow: *visibly uncomfortable* Hunter: Echo, go to your new owner.

Echo, who was treated like property by the Techno Union: *explains why slavery is wrong* And we are gonna stop it from happening to that kid. Tech: As well as earn a decent amount of credits once the job is complete. Echo: (bitterly) yeah, that too *leaves the room*

Tech: The client being a Separatist is not relevant. Echo, who was imprisoned and tortured by Separatists for over a year: It is to me! Hunter: Forget politics! We're here to do a job.

Tech: This squad existed before Echo was a part of it, and it will exist after.

For the record, yes people can and do joke about their trauma and disabilities

But look at Echo’s reactions/tone/body language in these scenes. It’s downcast sighs and discomfort, while the others are smiling, sneering, or dismissive. And because it's animated that means that every facial expression was intentionally designed.

What really clinches it for me is this moment:

Omega, a child who he just met, comforts him and helps him through his panic attack. But when the Batch, his squad who he's been living with for at least ~6 months, comes into the room he visibly closes himself off and hides his vulnerability :(

There are good moments too (though tbh i can't think of many)

I don't wanna discount that, but that doesn't discount this either. And it's just really weird when you think about it. Like half of these were in the first episode, which is the first time we are actually seeing how these characters interact together as a squad. And this is coming from the "defective" clones who supposedly know what it's like to not fit in? Who offered Echo a place with them specifically because they thought he wouldn't be accepted by others?

As with anything, there are ways we can read into or explain these moments (like honestly 'selling' your brother or betting that your brother died by lunch tray is very accurate sibling energy (And my personal headcanon (to reconcile it for myself bc the show didn't) is that Wrecker was worried about Echo so Crosshair jokingly exaggerated that he was dead and turned it into an argument/bet to distract him (which is also why I think he turns battles into a game/competition with Wrecker)) but Echo is very traumatized and there's a complete lack of consideration there). But that doesn't excuse it nor does it change the fact that this is what was presented to us in the writing. Characters aren't actually people (shocking I know lol), so any of their 'choices' are actually made by a real-life writer. And whether the implications of these moments were fully considered/intended or not, it still portrays the characters and their attitudes/relationships in a certain way.

[the-s1lly-corner]

It'll be nice if you would be able to do head cannons of the TADC crew having to deal with a reader that has a biting on things problem have it and looks like a dog/pup (depending if you want to set an age range)

Like no one knows if they're just really playing into their part of being a annoying gremlin or they had a bad habit of chewing things in the real world then it being intensivize since being trapped in the digital prison

TADC cast x dog!reader who bites things! (Platonic!)

Wasnt sure whether to go with a dog or puppy reader but UHUH!!

Written on mobile! Gonna knock out some requests then I might work on art today!

This may be on the short side, I hope that's okay! I've been having some struggles thinking up hcs for TADC stuff the past few days <\3

Probably the first TADC post where I actually write the character segments in order (of them being listed) instead of bouncing around LMAO

CAINE:

You know how some people blow bubbles for their dogs to play with them, letting them chase and pop them? I feel like he'd do that with you and bubble (whether or not you view this as bubble torment is up to you, personally I don't think bubble would give too much of a darn).. may or may not help with your biting habit, or maybe it makes it worse? Really I think it depends !

Gives loads of hesd oats and chin scratches, I think!

POMNI:

Has probably caught you chewing on the dangle... bell.. end parts... of her hat when she has her back to you. Too nice to scold you but tries to politely redirect you to chewing on something else that isnt a part of her person..! Tries to ask why you chew on things, but even you don't seem to know the source so you're both just kind of.. stumped.. definitely not mean about reminding you of her boundaries

RAGATHA:

Probably tries to find you a oral.. fidget.. thing.. I forgot the proper term of them but you know how theres some stuff that's made specifically for oral fixiations and chewing and stuff? Like those chewable necklaces and stuff? Those! I think ragatha would try to find you one of those, or a safe stand in! Though.. does it really need to be safe if this is your digital body...? Has probably made you a blanket with bones on it, or maybe a bone shaped plushie

JAX:

Honestly whether or not he gets annoyed by your chewing habit is 50/50, I think! I mean it's not like he can say anything, I personally hc that he has a huge habit of fidgeting with anything and everything (though... I tend to write jax to be a bit of a hypocrite, given the "I like watching funny things happen to people" and then immediately getting mad when something funny happens to him)

Do I think he would let you chew on him, or any if his belongings? No, absolutely not. But would he grab something from someone else? Oh yeah most likely

Probably plays fetch/catch with you, if that's something you're interested in, though he suggests it in a way that you csnt tell if he is teasing you or not

KINGER:

Obligatory he gives off dad vibes so hes a dog person (is that a dad trait?? Or was I just exposed to that a lot in media as a kid?) So he kind of gravitates towards you because "dog :)". Obviously he knows you're a person, and he doesn't really do anything to treat you as anything less outside of that! Honestly you guys probably develop a father/kid dynamic, maybe!

"Hes just a little guy," he says after you take a comical bite out of the circus' walls (imagine the trope in cartoons where there's a bite out of something and theres the teeth marks)

Honestly doesnt care if you chew on his robe, either he truly doesnt mind or hes just too spaced out to notice. Tends to flip flop between those

ZOOBLE:

Similar to jax, whether or not they get onto you for the chewing is a coin toss. I think it really depends on how zooble is feeling that day! They tend to get more irritated than the others, I think, at least going off of the pilot. And they dont want to upset you, truly, they dont because you guys are friends! But zooble really values their belongings and personal space so they may get a little short with you if you decide to munch on those! Though, I think that despite the "I dont care" attitude, theyd try to find an alternative that works for you both!

GANGLE:

Too shy and sweet to tell you to stop if you start chewing on something you dont want her to; if she does eventually bring it up its probably after the fact.. tries to talk it out with you to figure out why you do that.. is it a stim? A simple habit? Something else entirely? But you dont seem to know the answer... I think she would do what ragatha does and tries to find you something you use long term as a chew; or maybe even tries to find you a habit if it's one you personally want to work on! Though she won't force you to change, if it's not something you want

[cookinguptales]

Related to the meta I wrote last time...

So there was this abandoned plot line from the episode with all the wives where one of Nandor's guy wives kept asking Guillermo questions about himself and that made Nandor uncomfortable so he had the Djinn poof him and like -- god, there's a lot to unpack there. Like, when I tell you that I've thought about that for months.

Now... there are a lot of different things I could say about this. And frankly speaking, I still might. But for now, what I really want to get into is this odd tendency I've noticed in Nandor to view his wives almost as extensions of himself. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that this might be how he conceptualizes the difference between husbands and wives -- it's not a gender thing; it's a situation of ownership.

I'm not saying that Nandor is fully awful about this. He doesn't seem to believe that his wives literally belong to him or that he can tell them all what to do, like marriages of that time often would have been. But he does seem to see them as extensions of himself. They may not physically belong to him, but they are still his.

Like, he still expects these wives to be fully loyal to him. He still expects them to dote on him and guess what he wants and be pretty much exactly what he needs them to be. Their actions (and what people think of them) seem to be things that he believes reflect on him. Their actions are his actions, their beliefs are his beliefs, their wants are his wants -- and vice-versa.

We see this very literally becoming an issue with Marwa. He so fully transformed her into an extension of himself and his desires that she fully lost herself as a human being -- and that's even before he straight-up turned her into someone else.

So one of his wives being very interested in Guillermo does seem like something that would be very disturbing to him on a number of levels. First and foremost, there's the obvious annoyance that one of his wives would be interested in anyone but him. (We see him get upset with his others wives for this.) But then, you know, there's the fact that it's Guillermo specifically.

There's this discomfort with someone treating Guillermo as desirable and important, obviously, as it makes Nandor face the fact that Guillermo is desirable and important -- and that he hasn't treated him that way. There's also the discomfort with the fact that anyone else would get to know more about Guillermo's personal life than he does. But more than that, I think Nandor feels discomfort even acknowledging that Guillermo has a personal life outside of Nandor for people to ask questions about.

Nandor is very weird and possessive about Guillermo's personal life.

On top of all that, though, we have the fact that it is an extension of Nandor who is asking these questions. There's the inherent betrayal of part of him going to someone else, but more importantly -- I mean, it's very similar to what happened with Marwa at the wedding. A piece of him is very interested in Guillermo, and maybe that's going to make him confront the fact that he is very interested in Guillermo if he doesn't put it down immediately.

Because the thing is -- he does this to Guillermo, too. He very explicitly says that someone insulting Guillermo's honor is insulting his honor. He very explicitly claims Guillermo as his own and very purposefully monopolizes all his time and effort. He claims Guillermo's abilities, too, and uses them as he sees fit. He even physically manhandles Guillermo's body for his own needs. (See: using Guillermo's wrist, not just his watch, as his own in 4.09.) He has clearly always seen Guillermo as an extension of himself the same way he does his wives, and some of the shock of s3-s4 for him is realizing that Guillermo is his own person.

I think that's why we see him prodding at Guillermo and asking questions and watching him and testing him in s3. I think that's why he sounds bitter about not knowing anything about Guillermo's family or any of the things that he does in s4. I think it's why, when he is confronted with this person that Guillermo loves, this last small part of Guillermo that Nandor has not managed to possess, it makes him want to claim it for his own.

Nandor is wildly possessive over Guillermo in the same way he is his wives, but Guillermo is no longer happy simply with being possessed. There are parts of Guillermo (like his family, like the vampire hunting, like Freddie) that Nandor is slowly realizing he does not have access to, and he doesn't like that. Guillermo is really coming into himself, is becoming strong and recalcitrant and independent and uncontrollable, and Nandor isn't really sure how he feels about that.

Because here's the kicker: Nandor is totally fucking horny for people he can't control.

When you look at his love interests we've seen that he's been most into, it's always people that he cannot control. Gail, who he can never manage to rein in, who he can never quite manage to claim. She uses him casually and then she leaves, and she always has control in the relationship. Meg is a lesbian, totally uninterested in him, and he has no control over her, either. Jan is a complete power reversal, and one that Nandor seemed particularly thrilled with. She owns him and he likes it.

The point I am coming to here is that Guillermo is really starting to resemble these women that Nandor has run after -- and I think Nandor is starting to come to the realization that Guillermo is not an extension of himself, like his wives were. Guillermo is his own person. And maybe what Nandor really wants is to be the subservient one in this situation. He doesn't want Guillermo to become one of his wives; he wants Guillermo to become his husband.

Nandor wants to be Guillermo's guy wife.

We see him start to lean into this role reversal in s3-s4. Submitting to Guillermo's physical strength and leadership when they go after the Sire. Caring for him after an injury in 4.01. Going full role reversal and literally serving Guillermo in 4.05. Having Guillermo try on his groom's clothing in 4.06. Like... the man's not being subtle here.

He's still struggling with these ideas, clearly, but they're for sure there. And I think it's part of why Freddie ended up becoming such a clusterfuck. Nandor was still sort of seeing Guillermo as an extension of himself and wanted to claim all parts of him, especially the parts that Guillermo had thus far kept hidden from him. I don't think it's a coincidence that Nandor mostly just wanted to eat Freddie until the moment he realized he was there for Guillermo. Then he followed them around like a weirdo until Guillermo admitted Freddie was his boyfriend -- and then Nandor wanted him.

But as much as he was seeing Guillermo as an extension of himself, he was also seeing Freddie as an extension of Guillermo. And like Nandor's guy wife and Marwa showing interest in Guillermo and that being a direct representation of Nandor showing interest in Guillermo, Nandor going sappy over Guillermo's extension is another way that Nandor is indirectly showing his true feelings for Guillermo.

And so much of 4.09 was Nandor realizing that Guillermo wasn't his. He is not an extension of Nandor. Nandor can't have access to every part of him. He has to let Guillermo have some things that are just his. He has to relinquish control over him.

Put bluntly, 4.09 was really about Nandor having to decide whether he cared more about Guillermo being 100% his or Guillermo being happy. And I guess we know which one he chose.

I think even Guillermo understood on some level that Nandor was mostly just upset that Guillermo had a single goddamn thing that Nandor didn't have access to. That's essentially what he accused Nandor of, wasn't it? Not letting him have this one fucking thing for himself. Even he seemed to understand that Nandor's new crush was more about Guillermo than it was about Freddie -- even if I'm not sure he quite made the jump to understanding why.

So... by the end of s4, Nandor has gotten rid of his wife. She had become so much of a very literal extension of him that he was sickened by it, so he destroyed her. (RIP Marwa, you were a real one.) He had also gotten rid of the extension of Guillermo that he had claimed. And, this might be the most important part, he'd gotten rid of some of that internal idea that Guillermo was an extension of him. In letting Freddie 2 go, he was in some ways letting Guillermo go as well.

Now if only Guillermo actually wanted to be let go... :')

Up until this point, I think Guillermo also thought of himself as an extension of Nandor -- and it wasn't until their planned trip went up in flames that he was able to start conceiving of himself as his own person. He started trying to create this life outside of Nandor. And while that life was short-lived (and I don't think could ever last forever), it did give him enough independence that by the end of s4, as Nandor has given up on Guillermo being his extension, so has Guillermo.

And he decides to take the life that he now owns himself into his own two hands.

Do I think the two of them are going to be less codependent going forward? I don't think so, and honestly I certainly hope not. But I do think the shape of their relationship is definitely going to change.

Hopefully for the better...

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

An Unwavering Light - Chapter 4

Rating: T/Teen for violence (specifically for descriptions of injuries) and mature themes, including ones about trauma and depression.

Setting: begins before the confrontation with Aizen and co. in Fake Karakura Town arc, and goes from there to the Thousand Year Blood War arc. This chapter takes place during the events of the manga from chapters 392-422

Music to listen to: nothing anymore by Shiro Sagisu (YT | Spotify), Light's Theme by Yoshihisa Hirano and Hideki Taniuchi (YT), Nothing Can be Explained Instrumental by Shiro Sagisu (YT), and Ambered by Bluetile Lounge (YT | Spotify).

Fic synopsis: During the confrontation against Aizen, the unthinkable happens. For Hitsugaya, a vow is broken, and for Hinamori, her future is unknown. With everything in shambles, how can they piece their lives back together? Or their bond?

Chapter synopsis: Hinamori is taken to Twelfth Division to begin her physical recovery. Hitsugaya undergoes Hojiku-Zai and reflects on his regenerated limbs.

AN: Yes that's right! You're not just getting one chapter this time, but two! We have more angst but also some brotp goodness!

I'll say upfront, for anyone worried about there being body horror in this chapter (if you remember what Hojiku-Zai is like, then you know what I mean) rest assured there isn't any here as I don't like writing that sort of thing.

This chapter was intense to write, and I know the next one will be too. It also occurs to me I am posting this on Rangiku's birthday...yay for timing!

Disclaimer: BLEACH and it’s characters belong to Tite Kubo.

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______________________________

When Hitsugaya comes to, the first thing he sees is the sky, and in lower part of his periphery, the towering silhouette of Soukyoku Hill. His mind is hazy for only a few seconds before snapping back to reality.

On either side of him are Fourth Division members, who carry him on a stretcher and don’t notice he’s awake. Despite their rushing steps, he’s barely jostling around.

With a grunt from the ebbing pain, he casts his gaze to the right. Isane walks speedily alongside those carrying him; as she does, she’s calling out orders to those around her. In the gap between her and one of her subordinates, he sees Komamura and Hisagi being carried on stretchers as well.

Where’s Hinamori? He can't sense her reiatsu anywhere. Is she still back in the Fake Karakura Town? The only thought stopping him from trying to get off the stretcher is that Unohana had shown up. She's in safe hands, but it doesn't stop the urgency that thrums through him.

“Captain Hitsugaya, you’re awake!”

He returns his attention Fourth Division’s lieutenant. A few of the surrounding officer glance at him, but are quick to turn their gazes away.

Isane offers him a relieved smile, but her concern keeps it small. “You’re back in the Soul Society, we’re taking you to Fourth Division. We’ve been told Inoue-san will assist with healing our wounded. Given their severity, we can ask her tend to your injuries first.”

 “No,” he rasps out.

Isane blinks, her smile vanishing. “What?”

“Contact Kurotsuchi…I want Hojiku-Zai.”

A flicker of horror crosses over her face. Even the officers carrying him slow their pace and exchange surprised or concerned looks.

“Captain, are certain?” she asks. “Inoue-san shouldn’t be more than a few hours. We can treat your wounds until she arrives and can ask her to see you fir– ”

“I’m certain.” He hadn’t meant to snap, but he can’t afford to wait any longer. “I’m aware of the consequences, Kotetsu. Tell Kurotsuchi if he’s returned, or whoever he appointed to oversee Twelfth Division in his absence.”

She takes in a heavy breath, considering.

He doesn’t have time for this. He can’t be like this for a moment longer. The urgency buzzes along his nerves and he holds on to it, lets it take over his senses.

Eventually, Isane raises her hand, signalling her officers to halt. Then, she bows to him; even as she does this, she winces. “I’ll inform him and Akon-san right away.”

_____________________________________

Hinamori drifts in the darkness. It had been numbing up until a stinging sparks in her eyes. She has no choice but to open them.

She does it slowly, but even then, it doesn’t stop her from grimacing from the brightness of the light. Where is she? Why is it so bright?

Shadows come into the edges of her vision, hazy and moving around her. Then sound returns, and there’s the beeping and humming of machinery. The air is cold, and smells odd. The figures around her are speaking, but she can’t make out what they’re saying.

One of them gets closer. They’re holding something and bringing it towards her face. “Lieutenant…we’re about to…you’ll be out for…”

Their words fade in and out. She’s too weak to speak. She simply stares back at the figure as they put what they hold over her face. Whatever it is, it’s making her return back to the darkness. She doesn’t fight her eyes closing.

_____________________________________

There’s a whirl of machinery that runs through the whole of Twelfth Division. In this room, it’s quieter, a background noise to the comings and goings of division members just outside of the door. Looking around, Hitsugaya suspects it’s an examination room. It’s sparsely furnished, with only a thin mattress over the metal table he sits on, a two-tiered tray that’s been wheeled over to him, and a chair in the corner.

He glances at Hyourinmaru, still dirty with concrete dust and rubble, propped up against the wall at his bedside. He remains silent, but Hitsugaya can sense his seething; at him or something else, he can't tell.

The wall he presses his back against is chilly and gives off a dull shine from the overhead lights. Despite the coldness and strange odors scenting the air, he’s glad to be in a room like this. It’s quiet, the silence in stark contrast to everything that’s happened in the last several hours. There’s also the fact that during the few times he needed to visit, he’d seen other rooms in the division, and tried not to think about what half of the machines in this barracks did.

He shudders. He never thought there would come a day when he’d ask Mayuri for anything. He’d always been conflicted about his fellow captain; on one hand, he has a brilliant mind that has led to leaps in technology for the Soul Society and the work the Shinigami carry out. On the other, his methods were abhorrent and went against most of what he’d once thought Shinigami stood for.

How things had changed. How he had changed. Over the years, and in a matter of a few hours.

The door opens with a low, metallic whine. Hitsugaya is oddly calm when Akon enters the room with two needles and a vial. In the latter is a green liquid that sloshes around as he approaches.

“Captain Hitsugaya,” he says in way of greeting.

Hitsugaya only nods in return.

Akon keeps his expression measured, but Hitsugaya senses a slight hesitation in him. He wonders if he spoke with the Fourth Division member Isane left with him, who stands outside of the room.

“Are you aware of the side effects for Hojiku-Zai?” Akon asks.

“I’ve heard that it’s painful,” he says. “Incredibly painful.”

“It may also lead to small defects, such as aching joints or missing fingers or toes. However, it’s a rare occurrence and your limbs should be the same they were before they were severed, but I feel I should still warn you. Knowing this, do you still want to proceed?”

“Yes.”

Akon comes around to his left side and puts the needles and vial down on the tray. Hitsugaya’s uniform sleeve and pant leg had been cut off by Fourth Division members. Akon removes the several layers of gauze wrapped around his shoulder first. “You’ll want to bite down on something,” he advises, nodding to the folded cloth next to the needles. “It’s far more painful than you realise.”

“Kotetsu numbed my shoulder and leg before I got here.”

“It might help a little, but it will only work so far. I assume she wasn't able to numb every area, given the type of wounds. As such, it likely won’t stop the pain that’s going to come from the regrowth of your nerves.”

“Then what if I was unconscious?”

“It doesn’t work unless you’re awake.”

How Mayuri had come up with his contraptions and procedures often bewildered Hitsugaya. He can’t say he’s surprised that a requirement for something like this involves being conscious. “Very well.”

He grabs the cloth offered to him by Akon and puts it between his teeth. Akon stops on the last layer of gauze and assists Hitsugaya to lie down. He then sticks one of the needles through the vial’s cork top and extracts some of the green liquid. “I’d also advise you to not look, it’s not…pleasant.”

Hitsugaya grunts in ascent. Despite the warning, he eyes the needle as he lays his head back against the mattress. Akon removes the final piece of gauze.

“It will be quick,” he says, but it’s less of an assurance to ease any anxiety Hitsugaya may have and more of an affirmation to what Hitsugaya hoped the procedure will be. He can’t wait for anything else, he needs something quick. He knows pain, has experienced in many battle, and nothing would ever come close to what he'd been gone through only a few hours ago.

As the needle draws closer to his shoulder, he shuts his eyes. With sight gone, he reaches out his senses, picking up on all of Twelfth Division’s reiatsu, but he searches through and over them, until there’s a small fire. She’s further down the hallway, her reiatsu steady but weak.

He’d sensed it earlier when he was being taken by Isane and her officers to Twelfth Division.

“She needs to undergo several operations,” Isane had explained when seeing his stricken reaction. “Minazuki couldn't heal her internal injuries. Once her operations are complete, she’ll be transferred to Fourth Division.”

“When will that be?” he’d asked, voice taut.

Isane’s expression had softened to one of sympathy. “We’re not sure, but Akon-san has estimated up to two weeks.”

Akon's free hand presses down on the gap between his neck and shoulder.

Live, he begs again. You have to live, Hinamori.

Hitsugaya clings on to that plea even as the needle pierces his arm and he bites into the cloth to muffle his scream.

_________________________

Hinamori kept the smile in place even as he turned to go back to his division. She's never been happier for him than in this moment. It wasn't only because he deserved a promotion like this after decades of hard work, but because he'd finally come out of the slump. It's hard not to blame him for getting into one, with his captain vanishing without warning or any clues as to what happened.

She feared he had lost his purpose, but with his shoulders squared and his steps purposeful, any worry that lingered lifted from her heart.

The haori suited him in an odd way. To think a Soul this young could achieve a rank this high, but given his prodigal level in skills and intellect, it shouldn't surprise her. Still, even thought it had been a month since he was appointed captain of Tenth Division, she had to stop herself from doing a double take at the haori and new hairstyle.

She'd get used it in time, and she has no doubt he will be a captain for many decades, maybe even centuries.

But the longer she looked at his receding back, the more a strange sensation crept in. It's one she'd experienced a few times, perhaps even tried to ignore many more. There's a distance between them, one that had began when she started at the Academy.

She'd always known she wouldn't see him around as much, but they're friends, always have been, but it didn't mean they would walk the same path. Certain things, like promotions and her dedication to Fifth Division, made it harder to close this gap between them.

It's not an issue, she told herself when a ting of sadness edged it's way in and damped her smile. They'll be friends be for centuries, until death. So then, when had it gone from knowing that to hoping it can be like that?

________________________

By the time he is taken to his room in Fourth Division, Hitsugaya wants nothing more than to sleep. Unlike others, he had this one to himself and away from the majority of the noise of the division. A faint pain throbbed through his regrown limbs. Without having to tell Isane this, she and another division member wrapped them in bandages coated in the same salve that she used to numb his wounds before.

“Where’s Matsumoto?” he’d asks after she’s finished and her assistant leaves the room. “Is she here?”

“She will be shortly,” Isane says. “She required further treatment from Twelfth Division. Her operation began after you left and shouldn’t take more than two hours. Lieutenant Kira did what he could at the time, but Lieutenant Matsumoto ended up straining herself too much when she came to the Soul Society.”

Hitsugaya’s eyes widen. “She came here during the fight?”

Isane’s lips form a thin, tight line and she avoids his gaze. “I don't knwo why that is, but she'll tell you in time. She’s scheduled to arrive here after her operation. We’ll use extensive kido to ensure she’s discharged in two days time.” She gestures to the bandages. “We’ll remove these tomorrow morning, the pain will have subsided by then. We’ll also perform tests on your limbs to ensure there isn’t any abnormalities. We trust Akon-san’s assessment of the treatment, but we just need to make sure.”

He can only nod.

She bows. “I need to attend to other patients. Dinner will arrive for you shortly. We have officers stationed nearby if require anything.”

He bows his head in return. “Thank you, Kotetsu.”

He barely touches dinner when it’s served to him. Along with no appetite, a sense of nauseous threatens to churn his stomach even at the scent of food. He ignores the concerned look for the officer who comes to collect his dishes several minutes later.

There’s a constant commotion going on outside his room, coming through as muffled rushed footsteps and the occasional shout. He doesn’t pay attention to any of it.

In the silence, with his pain in his limbs numbed, he stares at the ceiling, at the space between two lights, eyes heavy but unwilling to close. He breathes in deeply, quietly. There isn’t a coherent thought going through his mind. Only a series of sensations, wordless and weighing his head down. His chest still hurts, but it’s less of a clenching twist and more of the aftermath of holding something too tightly. It flows out wide, as though he is caught in the ripples of a stone that’s shot through water.

This ache threatens to bring back, in vivid detail, everything that happened today.

I couldn't protect her.

With a fierce shake of his head, he chooses to focus on something else. Hyourinmaru now lays on a table at his bedside. The weapon is only a little bit cleaner, with the hilt and sheath baring smudges of dirty. He makes to reach for his zanpakuto but stops when he's about to move his regenerated limb.

Swallowing thickly, he tilts his head a fraction and stares down at the arm. He’s barely moved the new limbs, and when he did it was involuntarily. He feels and senses everything about them – their weight, the fabric of the dried bandages, the natural coolness of his skin – as if he hadn’t lost them in the first place.

With a strange hesitation, Hitsugaya lifts and bends the arm at the elbow. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. No pain. No odd sensations. As if it were the arm he’s always had. But it isn’t. It’s something entirely new, unknowable yet looking the exact same as before.

_________________________

He’d fallen asleep at some point, but jolts awake in a cold sweat and a cry strangled in his throat. He’d kicked off the sheets and his arms reach out in the air. With his aching heart racing, he barely remembers to breathe. He wipes his hands over his face, trying to get rid of the blood that isn’t there, until he remembers where he is.

It happened all over again.

He swallows back the threat of tears and curls inwards. He keeps his eyes wide open for the rest of the night and into the dawn before a division members comes to check on him.

_________________________

Hinamori awakens in a darker room. There's still the humming of machinery, but there's now a window letting in the first rays of the sunrise. She breathes in, but it's strange. It's air, but thicker and hotter. Something is attached to her face and digging into the sides of her head. A mask, she realises.

She tries and fails to raise a hand to her remove it. She can feel something working within her to keep the pain at bay, but it must be affect her movements too, making them sluggish and heavy.

She looks around the room for someone or for a button to press, but this isn't like any room in Fourth Division. Where is she?

You're in Twelfth Division, Master.

She startles at Tobiume's voice. She's barely perceptible, as though speaking to her through a thick wall. Hinamori raises her head, and immediately regrets it when a wave of dizziness hits her. She lowers her head with a wince. She feels around, until her right hand ghosts across the sheets and bumps into her zanpakuto. The connection between them is tenuous, only made slightly stronger when she wraps her fingers around the blade's sheeth. She chances turning her head, an there lies Tobiume on a stand next to her bed.

"Why...?"

She doesn't finish her question. The word briefly flashes a memory before her eyes, but she can't make out what it is.

Healing...It's the only word she can hear from her zanpakuto.

The darkness has fallen to far for her to drifts back into. She can only stare at the ceiling, waiting for someone to come.

_________________________

The rest of the morning goes by in a blur. Hitsugaya remains seated in bed, staring out the window into an empty courtyard. He can't think a coherent thought, can only languish in a haze that consumes his mind.

Eventually, another officer delivers his breakfast. He's about to send it away when he notices movements over the officer's shoulder.

His eyes widen when he spots Rangiku over the officer’s shoulder.

She stands in the doorway of his room, one arm bandaged and a slouch in her shoulders. What strikes him the most, however, are the dark circles beneath her eyes, the paleness of her skin, and the frizz in her hair.

“Captain,” she says.

The officer – Mori, he remembers now -- finally notices her. “Ah, Lieutenant Matsumoto. Are you alright? Did you need something?”

Rangiku shakes her head. “No, I was coming to visit my captain. I’ll come back later.”

“It’s fine,” Hitsugaya speaks up. “You can come in.”

Mori worries his lip for a second, then bows. “I’ll return shortly.”

Rangiku steps aside for him to leave. Even left lalone, she doesn’t move into the room from the doorway. She leans against it, as if she’d been putting on an act before with how well she really is.

“Are you sure it’s all right for you to be walking around?” Hitsugaya asks.

She says nothing, only meeting his gaze, and it's enough to tell him she has been through something awful. Something has broken within her, like him.

Her gaze softens, and she lets out a short, quiet sigh before righting herself. She nods to his untouched breakfast on his bedside table. “You should eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” he says, not sparing the food a glance.

She walks into the room. Her steps are slow, hiding the unsteadiness he can sense from her. “Still, it’s not good to have an empty stomach," she reasons, "especially at times like this.”

Did she even realise she spoke the words Isshin’s used to tell them whenever they skipped a meal?

“Did you eat yours?” he asks.

That gets a flicker of a smile from her. “You have me there.”

As she sits down in the chair at his bedside, he takes up the bowl of soup and hands it to her. “Then here. I don’t feel like having miso today anyway.”

She blinks at his offering. “I…” She lets out a strange sound, a cross between a humored huff and a withheld sob. “Thank you, Captain.”

She’s quick to take the bowl and start draining it, and he withholds his questioning by eating a piece of tamagoyaki. He leaves two for her, giving her the dish after he’s done with it.

He’s never been like this with her. They look out for each other and ensure each other's welfare, but never like this. It’s never gotten to the point where they are concerned the other hasn’t eaten, to the point where they can barely speak to each other but can still convey without words they’ve gone through something unimaginable.

“How are your arm and leg, sir?” she asks. “Captain Unohana told me you underwent Hojiku-Zai."

There's an additional question there that goes unspoken: Why did you choose that method? He ignores it. “They’re doing tests on them within the hour. After that, they’ll assess whether I can be discharged later today or tomorrow.”

“But how do they feel?”

“Fine, nothing out of the ordinary.” He’d only moved his regenerated limbs to sit up, but otherwise kept them immobile. However, to prove his point, he lifts his left arm. There’s stiffness from keeping it still, making his movements stilted as he raises it. “It’s like nothing happened.”

It feels like a confession, a vulnerable moment he’d normally keep from her. He blames the exhaustion and the wordless thought eddying in his head. He can’t deny, however, that it’s a relief to speak with someone like her. Someone who knows him, has seen him in harder times.

“How are your injuries?” he asks while lowering his arm to his side. He doesn’t want to think back to the fight, but can’t help it as he recalls, “On the battlefield, I sensed your reiatsu change suddenly. You were almost on the brink of death. What happened?”

Perhaps without realising, Rangiku clutches the left side of her waist. “I was attacked by a creature created by those three Arrancar – Ayon I think is what it was called. Kira-kun did what he could. Twelfth finished what he’d started, and then Fourth healed over the rest. It’s all better now, and Captain Unohana said I shouldn’t have any issues.” She raises her bandaged arm. “This is just for scratches and strain. They’ll probably remove it today.”

He gives a nod. “That’s good to hear."

She waits, shoulders tense and fingers lacing together in her lap. She must sense his hesitation and eagerness to ask her further. Is now the best time? If not now, when? If she weren’t here, he’s certain his thoughts would fall back to what happened yesterday or to Hinamori is, helpless to do anything for her. He knows even after he gets out of here, that’s still going to be case. For how long, he can’t predict.

“Something else happened there,” he says, voice gravely. “You vanished from the fight in the Fake Karakura Town. You ended up here, and from what Kotetsu told me, Aizen and Ichimaru did as well.”

She eyes twitch at the mention of Gin’s name. It’s as he suspected, but seeing her reaction makes him change his mind about where to lead this conversation. “I won’t ask you to explain your actions now, but I will in the coming days.”

Her shoulders fall. “Yes, of course.”

He lets out a short breath. Despite the obvious relief that she doesn’t have explain what happened after the vanished, there’s still an air of tension around her, and it’s his turn to wait for her to come out with it.

“They’ll probably be coming to do your tests soon.” He blinks at her words, and all the tautness floods out of him. She makes to stand, as if she hadn’t noticed the tension in the air at all. “I’ll leave you to –”

“You can stay.” She freezes at his offer. “Unless you need to return to your room.”

She hesitates, briefly glancing at the doorway behind her, then sinks back into the chair. “I guess someone needs to make sure you don’t act out.”

It’s as close to normality as he’s gotten in the last twenty-four hours. If this were any other situation he’d lecture her, but instead, he huffs. “That’s my line.”

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[cowboy-lover69]

Aria T'Loak SFW ABCs

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

I feel she is very affectionate with you, especially in public. Aria definitely has a possessive streak and loves making everyone know who you belong to. It's borderline inappropriate what she will do with you in public, but she doesn’t really get checked, especially on her own turf, so no one cares. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friend

She would be a great but tentative friend. I feel like when you're her friend you don’t really feel like it until you guys are super close. I think she treats most of her friends as business opportunities.  As long as you have her back she has yours but do something wrong that threatens her position she will change at a moment's notice. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She is already very touchy-feely so cuddling is no different. She loves having you on her lap and she loves holding you and hugging you from behind. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Aria doesn't have a domestic bone in her body. She will be controlling Omega until she's in the grave. In terms of cooking and cleaning, she's not bad. I don’t think she is excellent at either but she can do them fine enough. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I think she would be hesitant to break up with anyone, she has trouble getting over it. You would have to put her position of power in danger or really challenge her emotionally. I feel like she would try to avoid being put in that position by dating people who are weaker-willed than her so she can feel in control. If you were to do something that crossed her so badly she felt she had to end things with you she might just kill you, though I think that wouldn't be her first choice.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

I think Aria thinks marriage is a risk she wouldn't want to take. If she is married it isn't as easy for her to drop you at a moment's notice which makes her anxious.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She can be gentle but she isn't often. If she is she is usually using it as a tactic to get something she wants especially if you are weak for that sorta thing. Though she can be genuinely gentle it isn't often. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

In terms of physical affection hugging is low on the list. She will hug you every once in a while but it's not her usual type of affection. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I think she would hold it off for a very long time. Admitting to herself and you that she loves you means accepting you have some kind of power over her which she is hesitant to do.  

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

She may be possessive and controlling but she's not really the jealous type. She trusts you to a enough extent to trust you won't cheat at least for the most part. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

She's a very aggressive kisser. She will just grab you and make out with you, doesn't matter where you guys are.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

No question she hates kids and she is terrible with them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Aria reminds me of a woman who can never rest. She always has to be doing something, because there is always something to be done. She won't linger in the mornings; she's off doing whatever she needs to get done even if that is just making some phone calls. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

She spends the majority of the night in the spot in her club unless you've specifically asked to spend some time together.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

She is very closed off at least at first. She doesn't want to give people things they can use against her. She might not ever tell you anything about her past if she can help it. If you find out through your own research she won’t at that point try to hide things from you but she won’t become an open well of information either.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She can keep her temper if needed but otherwise, she's very short. I think she would avoid lashing out at you because it makes her feel bad, so she will blow off steam otherways. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Information is power to her and she loves using it. She probably keeps a list of important information about you, just in case.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

sorry guys I couldn’t think of anything :( Might update later if I think of anything

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She would keep you safe and protected like you were a one-of-a-kind painting in a museum. She has the means so she doesn't mind using them to keep you safe. I do feel she would often underestimate you and your abilities to keep yourself safe and can be a tad overprotective in that way.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

It depends, I don’t think she is really into dates but she loves gifting things to you for anniversaries and such. In terms of everyday tasks, I don’t think you see her a lot during the day or really in general so there is not much of an opportunity for her to help you with everyday tasks.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

She isn't a terribly sensitive person. She is very harsh and is not very considerate of your feelings. You would have to point out something is making you upset to correct her behaviors, even then she still falls back into all patterns.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

She always wants to look her best. First impressions matter and she wants people to fear her and respect her, so she takes great care in cultivating that persona.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she would. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

It would be very hard to get her to commit to you. It's just not her style. She is worried if she lets someone in it will make her weak, she is worried people might not treat her with the same respect.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Weakness. She hates weakness. I think she would sleep with weak people but I don’t think she would ever be able to have a real relationship with someone who is weak or has a bleeding heart. She thinks weakness and sensitivity is cute and something she could exploit but she will never take you seriously. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

She has terrible insomnia, I think she is a very busy woman and work keeps her mind constantly running. A lot of times you will wake up in the middle of the night and see her making phone calls or trying to be productive.  

[mildew-mop]

I fucking hate chain pet stores. They are fucking awful. I only go to shit like PetSmart and PetCo anymore cause they are the most convenient places to buy frozen rats (I know I could buy them online, but most places require that you buy them in bulk and I only have one snake and its not really practical for me) and I hate it every fucking time. These places sell you sick pets, give you improper care "advice" and then sell you products that encourage improper care. they do this so that your pet dies prematurely so that you go and buy a new one. It is fucked up.

I worked at a summer camp last year, and there was a kid who said that her parrot died of old age and it was everything I could do to stay calm. No fucking parrot is about to die of old age, especially if you're telling me it was like 3 or 5 years old.

Basically all pets that are marketed as having a low life expectancy only have a low life expectancy if they are being mistreated. Or if they are specifically bred to have health problems (for example, certain dogs such as pugs or certain snakes such as spider ball pythons). Or if they are rodents, because rodents don't live that long for the most part, but they sure as shit will live longer than they typically are toted as living if you take care of them properly.

I also fucking hate the pure misinformation bullshit that is that small animals should be in tiny cages because they are small. Fuck that fucking noise. No! Just because an animal is small doesn't mean it deserves a tiny ass cage. And pets are not decoration either. They are living, breathing creatures who deserve to be taken care of properly and treated as such.

I hate it when people assume all animals are dogs or all animals are people, and then get are somehow shocked when they are injured by their pet. All animals are going to have different body languages, and are going to act differently. Individual animals of different species are all going to have their unique personalities. If you have a goddamn lizard and it is moving in a way similar to a fucking dog, that does not mean it is experiencing the same emotion as a dog showing the same behavior. I am sick of people making videos and posting online how "cute" their pet is acting, and the pet is clearly upset/distressed.

If you get any pet of any species, even if it is a cat or a dog, you have to do extensive research on them ahead of time. Websites designed to sell you pet products and/or websites belonging to chain pet stores like PetSmart or whatever is in your area do not fucking count towards that research. Even if you are getting a pet cat, and you think you know about cats, I swear to god do research before you get a cat because I will hear people say the dumbest shit about cats and claim they are an expert because they have one.

It's not that fucking hard to learn about an animal before bringing it into your home. And if you are a person who buys pets as surprise gifts for the holidays without knowing 100% ahead of time that the person you are giving the pet to is going to be able to take care of it and wants to take care of it, then I hate you. You are a bad person. Pets are not fucking toys, you piece of shit. I am going to tag some Christmas tags in case some of the depraved fucks who impulse buy or gift animals instead of plushies, resulting in countless rehomed and/or abandoned animals see my post. I want you to know that I do not like you.

And before anyone tries to say that I am against having pets or that I am vegan, I am not. I have a ball python along with 7 cats. (One of the cats I grabbed off the street a few months ago, and she gave birth to 5 kittens. They are adorable.) I also quite enjoy eating meat. I, however, do not fucking enjoy people who do not respect animals, or do not do proper research before getting pets.

Also if you have exclusively outdoor cats, or you have indoor/outdoor cats, fuck you. There are a handful of exceptions, such as if you are on a farm and have a barn cat, or if you are in a certain country where it is not an issue. However, if you are in the United States at the very least, there is no reason for you to have a free-roaming cat. If you want your cat outside, leash it, or have a covered area they cannot escape. Cats are an invasive species, and their life expectancy is so fucking low when they are are exclusively or partially outdoor. I do not care if you have one outdoor cat that lived long. On average, an indoor cat is going to live like 20-30 years. Outdoor cats are lucky if the manage to reach 10. My mom got a pair of kittens like 5 years ago and kept them as indoor-outdoor. She now has one cat. The other one was hit by a car, and this is not uncommon in the slightest. Plus, even if your cat does stay alive, they will harm local ecosystems via killing the local wildlife. Just because cats are animals, does not mean that they belong in the wild. They are domesticated invasive species.

[miniar]

regarding a recent record release full of half-assed rage-bait by a washed up has-been...

Once upon a time there was an artist in the music scene that gained substantial cultural relevance.

Debates about the quality and nature of his work did exist and opinions were "mixed", but at the end of the day, fame or notoriety, he garnered a lot of attention and with them a lot of wealth and stature.

And then... he faded away, at least for the most of us.

A long time ago he played on the radio and Mtv and all that, but the reaction to his new album were, at first, "oh, he's still around?" even before the conversation regarding the contents of the lyrics started.

And while I haven't given it a listen personally, the general consensus so far has seemed to be one of profound underwhelm.

The man played for shock value back in my youth, and so, even people belonging to the marginalized community he seemed to have decided to come for were expecting him to spit some fire only to walk away somehow disappointed that all he appeared to manage was to dribble down his own chin.

If you don't know who I'm talking about yet, that's fine, it's not really important, and while I want to draw attention to the attempt to target trans people, as a trans person, who the target is isn't really important either.

The point I'm circling around isn't about him, or us, specifically, but about what he's essentially doing and how he's not the only one who does it. Sure he's a very recent and notable example (though not for the reason I suppose he's hoping for) he himself doesn't really matter to the conversation...

... which is why the album exists.

Fame is fickle, but incredibly powerful. It elevates a person quickly and to staggering heights, and this elevation is what corrupts a person, whether they're elevated by pure wealth, by pure political power, or by the social leverage given by adoring fans, or any combination there of.

A person thus elevated will inevitably begin to feel as though their position isn't just earned, it's deserved, it's natural, it's fated, it's their destiny.

But fame... is fickle.

And the rising star sometimes falls.

And from that fall is born a human being desperate to avoid a return to obscurity.

The lyrics sounds as though he doesn't know what he's talking about because he doesn't, he doesn't have a stake in the game, he doesn't really have an opinion, all he has is a desperate cry for attention.

He shouts out for Gen Z to cancel him because in order to cancel him they must first notice him, see him, acknowledge that he exists, treat him as though he has some, any, however slight, cultural relevance to the youth that he's desperate to reclaim.

He shouts out to be cancelled for speaking out against trans people in a desperate plea for transphobic people to elevate him like they've elevated other champions of their hateful cause before. He's not making that call because he stands with them of course, that's apparent by how phoned in and bland his statements on the matter are, they're less spicy than mayo on plain white bread tbh. He's making that call because he's desperate to be noticed, to be seen, to be treated as though he's got some, any, however slight, cultural relevance at all.

He's a younger Gen X member who's desperate to feel young and hip and with it again, who's already faded part-way into obscurity despite his name being known by nearly every millennial on the planet.

He's a perfect case study of the phenomenon.

His recent addition to his body of work is thus nothing new, not for him, not for anyone, it's the same thing others have done before him and others will do after him. He's seen what gets a reaction on the internet and he's trying to go viral.

He's basically a white guy with a podcast.

He's an author with no original ideas left but a desperate need to remain relevant.

He's a politician with zero policies trying to cling to their seat in a society that expects them to do the work they were elected to.

He's a washed up celebrity trying to relive the glory days of having fans, any fans at all.

He's a sad human being faced with the reality that he's no more important than the next guy and unable to come to terms with the fact that he's not special, fated to be above the rest, destined for greatness.

And at the end of the day, his name doesn't matter. None of their names matter.

They aren't worth the attention they're begging for.

None of us are worth the sort of attention we'd be willing to sell each other out for. That shit's not worth any of us either. That shit's toxic.

All of them, all of us, can do better than that.

When we do better, we get better, and deserve better.

[cardiatic-care-blog]

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[paopuofhearts]

Jewish and Native wanting to comment on the Indigeneity bit:

This is a huge misconception that being Native American / Indigenous is a race or ethnic group, the same way there's a lot of misconception in understanding Jewish people as a religious or ethnic group.

Native Americans / Indigenous people [at least in the US, and this will be US centric because that's where I am] have never been an ethnic or racial group, despite being treated as one. We can talk about how Tribal Recognition isn't an ethnic or racial group because tribes were labeled for governmental purposes, and how we are not an ethnic or racial group because labels derive from being reduced to a monolith for conquest due to settler colonialism, as well as the complications on how all of these labels of othering [like blood quantum bullshit] were specifically to push settler colonial ideology to make us disappear.

The belief that we are an ethnic or racial group is part of perpetuating the erasure of why we became who we are today. This is a really great quote by Nick Estes about it:

To understand why the Native struggle is essential, then, we must first begin with why Natives are targeted for elimination: to gain access to territory. Despite popular belief, Natives are not targeted and killed for our culture, spirituality, religion, or civilization. We are eliminated so that corporations and the settler state can gain access to our territory and resources. That requires the liquidation of our societies, the forced removal of our people from the land, the creation of a blood quantum system that dilutes our identity and decreases our population, the confinement to reservations or prisons, the breaking up of our land base and collective identities, and the hyper-policing of our people. Elimination also requires that Natives in border towns like Albuquerque are seen as nuisances and are commonly referred to as “drunk Indians” or “transients.” Both stereotypes are criminalized, although by definition neither is illegal. Police and settlers often tell us to “Go back to the reservation!” or “You’re not from the community!” In those moments, Natives become a criminal element, as if we’re the ones who don’t belong. It’s what Native bodies off-reservation represent that makes us a threat. Native bodies off-reservation represent the unfinished business of settler colonialism; we’re physical reminders that this is not settler land — this is stolen Native land. Despite their best efforts to kill us off, confine us to sub-marginal plots of land, breed us white, or to beat or educate the Indian out of us, we remain. We remain because we resist

The unfortunate thing is that we are relegated to being considered an ethnic or racial group because we live under a settler colonial system / structure that purposely distorts our reality of identity to take power away from us.

This is why when Indigenous people who are for Palestinian liberation say that Jewish people are not Indigenous, we are not saying Jewish people do not have connections to the land: we are saying that it was a choice by those who pushed for a nation-state to use the methodology of building a settler colonial system / structure to reclaim the land. And this is a non-negotiable fact: Herzl, Jabotinsky, Ben Gurion, and dozens of other key political players described how building a nation-state would be through settler colonialism.

However, that doesn't mean anyone else understands this differentiation. So there is a lot of misuse over this point being conflated to something it isn't, in a way that negative impacts Indigenous people and Jewish people alike. [But people parroting this without doing the work of understanding this don't care about either group because their participation tends to be more about virtue signaling being "right" than, you know, doing the work]. *Maybe similar to the issue of antizionism being used to perpetuate antisemitism: antizionism tends to be about undoing the systems / structures of settler colonialism, but people instead make it about the erasure of Jewish connection to the land.

Now, once we get to this point, there's also a lot to potentially be said about "how else would you build a nation-state from diaspora" and the issues of nation-states themselves just being a new side of the same coin of settler colonialism systems / structures as well, but that's potentially another kind of post.

And I want to clarify: that doesn't mean Zionism can only ever be defined as settler colonialism. Because it can't, so it's not just that. But that doesn't mean one of the definitions is explicitly settler colonialism, and that definition has had the biggest impact on the creation nation-statehood.

So there's a little thing to maybe hopefully explain that.

Hi! I saw your tags on unlearning zionism and I was wondering if you've ever spoken about that/the kind of processing you had to do? I think it's... Interesting (for lack of a better word) how this is a sentiment I've seen reflected on pretty much all explicitly non-zionist Jewish blogs I follow, and how much that reflects both how closely entwined the concept and Jewishness has become and the fierce zionism in some people.

Obviously you're free to not discuss this at all, I also understand it's deeply personal. (I'm also not intending to make anyone change their mind, I believe this is a process Jewish people should be afforded on their own terms; I'm really just trying to understand where they're coming from). ♥️

The tl;dr was through talking to people, breaking my rigidities, and being lucky enough to encounter people who were kind, committed to dialogue, and not dismissive.

Longer version under the cut.

In winter 2019 I started dating a non-zionist, so a lot of the early stuff was through conversations with them.

Here are the specific things I recall through them:

They validated my experience of having felt traumatized by a negative experience I had at a protest. I felt very on the defense, and dismissed, as a zionist who wanted to be in leftist spaces and they validated that. I don't know if they were faking it or not, but it felt real, and being heard and not dismissed was super important to building trust and safety. Ultimately, building trust and safety was the most important thing.

They would sometimes patiently poke holes in things I said. Matter of factly, not confrontationally. For example, once I said I didn't like the separation wall dividing Israel proper from the West Bank but that it was necessary to prevent terrorist attacks, and they were like "no, that wasn't the wall, it was a change in PA policy." Another time I was like "I don't understand [West Bank] settlers, if they want to be pioneers and settle more land they should settle the Negev, where they're not encroaching on Palestinians!" and they explained to me more about the situation between Israel and Bedouins and how that actually still would involve encroaching/displacement.

They're very religious, and so they had the tools to poke into my "but just open a siddur! you can see all the references to returning to Jerusalem!" and discuss how that differed from and predated zionism the political ideology. They were able to break through my dismissiveness/derision of Chareidi antizionism and help me understand that it has legitimate religious underpinnings. (They're not Chareidi though.) They affirmed for me that they do feel connected to Eretz Yisrael and they love Eretz Yisrael.

They also explained that indigenous doesn't mean "from a place" but rather describes a relationship to colonialism. It still didn't totally click for me, and they and I have both since come to understand that there are a lot of definitions of indigenous, but what it did help me understand was that when people push back against "Jews are indigenous to EY" they're not always trying to say we're not from there.

In general it helped me break down what I thought an antizionist was. I thought that an antizionist was someone who didn't think Jews had a meaningful spiritual and communal connection to EY, thought we weren't from there, didn't give a shit if all Israeli Jews ended up pushed into the sea, hadn't opened a siddur to see references to return to Jerusalem, etc. I was also pretty rigid in my thinking and had collected a bunch of talking points, mostly that I'd co-created with other members of Jewbook (Jewish facebook). They helped me break out of that rigidity and once I'd done that I was open to learning more.

What happened next is that in fall 2019 is I did a fellowship that, while unrelated to the topic, put me in contact with other Jewish antizionists.

There was one person whose project we visited during an outing on the fellowship, who had discussed their project's antizionism. I was bothered by it and asked them one question: Did they feel Jews were connected to Eretz Yisrael? Did they feel connected to Eretz Yisrael? They responded yes of course.

Another person was my roommate on the fellowship, a leftist antizionist Syrian Jew. For a while one of my sticking points had been Mizrahi support of Zionism -- my thought process here had a few pieces. One, it seemed like white privilege to go against what most Israeli Jews of color believed and wanted. Another was that I felt that a lot of antizionists were dismissive of and racist towards Mizrahim and don't understand or care to understand their needs, history, or motivations (I do still think that's true). I also saw the expulsions from SWANA and the fact that Israel took in the SWANA Jewish refugees as proof of the necessity of Zionism.

So, I think that interacting with a Mizrahi antizionist both taught me expanded perspectives on the issue, and taught me that it's possible to be antizionist and still in solidarity with Mizrahim. I learned more nuance, for example around Israel's taking in of the refugees; I knew they had been mistreated, but I think it helped me connect the dots about what that meant about the entire Zionist project. That was also the year A-WA's album Bayti fi Rasi came out, and when I listened to Hana Mash Hu Al Yaman, I think that's when it clicked for me that Israel taking them in was not some sort of miracle or blessing in disguise but rather a last resort for people who did not want to go but had no choice. The main characters in that song wanted to stay in Yemen which is I think something that hadn't clicked for me before. That may not be the majority Mizrahi perspective but it is a perspective and one I hadn't previously considered.

By the same token, my partner at the time (the one I talked about at the beginning of the post) was raised as a Yiddish speaker, and we talked about Yiddish suppression during the early days of the state, as well as Ben Yehuda's disdain for Yiddish, and the general early Zionist disdain for Eastern European Jewry and "old world" Jewish culture. I was already aware of the New Jew concept (the idea that the old Jew was studious and unathletic, but we should put that behind us to become strong and agricultural). They helped me frame this in terms of antisemitism, connecting it to the vitriol Chassidim receive from other Jews, antisemitism directed towards Jewish men and the ways it's about gender and goyish and Jewish constructions of masculinity, anti-circ rhetoric that depends on the Hellenistic idea of the body as perfection, and Naomi Klein's analysis of the dislike of Yiddish by Ben Yehuda et al as sexist due to their association of it as "feminine" and therefore lesser.

We also talked about the ways that Zionism devalues diaspora culture. I definitely see this in the ways that eg Jewbook zionists used to see the Ashkenazi past in Eastern Europe as simply a time of pogroms and violence with nothing generative or valuable. It seems that zionism posits Israel and Israeli culture as the "right" or "completed" version of Judaism, and discourages us from mourning the loss of culture we experienced during the Holocaust and our subsequent exodus.

I think there is nuance here; there are Israeli Yiddishists, there are people practicing all kinds of diaspora Jewish cultures in Israel, etc. I think this is a case where antizionists take something real and over emphasize it to sound bigger and more harmful than it is. It's not Israel's fault that European Jewry got destroyed and it's not Israel's fault that A-WA's family had to leave Yemen. Sometimes it feels like antizionist project those harms onto Israel and Zionism.

At the same time though, there is a kernel of truth in the way at least that many North American zionists view Ashkenazi culture, thought I can't say how much of that is their Zionism and how much is the legacy of American assimilationism (even among religious Jews).

In any case, 2020 is when I started on my journey to deepen my understanding of old world Ashkenazi culture and history. I started with a day spent in the kids' section of the Yiddish Book Center using the beginner education resources there to start teaching myself Yiddish (I had a lot of familiarity because my extended family speaks it, but I didn't yet). About half a second later the pandemic started, and the chaos from that took all my attention for a while, but by the end of the summer I did a deep dive on my genealogy and spent two weeks tracking down documents and names and towns. At that point my family history was no longer abstract, and I started wondering more about what their lives were like in the old country.

I started watching Yiddish plays on zoom, including a production of the Dybbuk that I fell in love with. I got involved in the shtetlcore movement, which was a social media aesthetic fad that was basically the shtetl version of cottagecore. That spring the duolingo Yiddish course came out and I did a six month streak. The following winter I went to a virtual Yiddish conference. I went again two more times in person, and last summer I went to a week-long retreat where we were only allowed to speak Yiddish. I also do Yiddish drag and burlesque.

With this emphasis and knowledge it's hard for me to accept any framing that the only "right" place for Jews to live is Israel, or that diaspora cultures are lesser-than. At some point I encountered a belief among some zionists (though I don't think most believe this) that the Jewish people's differentiation into a myriad of different cultures was a bad thing, and constituted negatively picking up pieces of non-Jewish culture, and that it's good we're back together in Israel so we can become just one culture again. I obviously strongly disagree and I while I wish we had not had to experience the trauma of Khorban Beis Hamikdash and the ensuing displacement, I think the variety of different cultures we split into is beautiful.

Ironically, Israel is actually a place of great cultural exchange between those cultures. And yes, I do worry there will be cultural loss if everything blends together melting pot style, but that's more of a function of how societies work as opposed to official state policy. And I also think the Jewish subcultures will endure. Also the cultural loss is the fault of the Holocaust, the Soviet Union, and nationalist SWANA countries way way more than it is Israel's.

At this point I've come to view the idea that Zionism is detrimental to Jewish culture as weak, but I still am not a Zionist, and that's because the issue with Zionism is not that it harms Jews but that it harms Palestinians.

In early summer 2020, I, along with many other white people were called to reckon with the realities of white supremacy in the US, and our part in it, far more deeply than we had before. I learned to understand how racism functions as a pillar of the US's underpinnings, how white supremacy morphs to sustain itself, how I as an individual and Jews as a group were being used to maintain white supremacy. It fundamentally shifted how I view these topics and how I understand the way that states function.

It was impossible not to apply these concepts to Israel-Palestine. While it is obviously not a one-to-one comparison and I am frustrated with folks who seem to think it is, the concepts and analyses I learned in June 2020 were very elucidating in understanding Israel as a state, and how white supremacy and Jewish supremacy operate in Israel-Palestine.

One of those concepts is a deeper understanding of power dynamics and the oppressed-oppressor relationship. While that is not the be-all end-all, and it is still possible for an oppressed group to do harm and commit war crimes (as they did on Oct 7), it helped me understand the ways it makes no sense to view Palestinians and Israelis as equal parties or to view Palestinians as "the aggressor" as many zionists do. Riots are the language of the unheard and, yes, so is violence. Do not imagine that I excuse, condone, or celebrate Oct 7, but I understand why it happened.

These past seven months have forced a magnifying glass on Israel-Palestine and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about it. I have had many experiences and interactions that have illuminated different things to me, but I'll leave you with this one.

In 1956, a young man named Ro'i Rothberg was killed in Kibbutz Nahal Oz by Palestinians who lived in Gaza. Moshe Dayan came to give a eulogy and in it, he said:

Why should we declare their burning hatred for us? For eight years they have been sitting in the refugee camps in Gaza, and before their eyes we have been transforming the lands and the villages, where they and their fathers dwelt, into our estate.

Which is to say, he is stating point blank that the Nakba happened, and that Nahal Oz -- and in fact Israel -- is built on land that had been farmed and inhabited by Palestinians. The hasbarist canard of "we didn't steal their land" falls away when Moshe Dayan himself admits it, doesn't it?

He is acknowledging, also, that he understands why the people of Gaza are enraged, and why some of them express this rage as violence. He gives his solution: That the Israeli people, and especially the people of Nahal Oz, must always be on their guard. Must never become peaceniks and forget the rage of the people of Gaza. He says "we are a generation that settles the land and without the steel helmet and the cannon's maw, we will not be able to plant a tree and build a home."

His vision is of an Israel that is always militarized and militant, always on its guard, never to know peace. A people who will send their children to the army generation after generation after generation. Never to rest. Never to be able to lower their guard.

And that is awful! Not just for Palestinians, but for Israelis! Dayan lays out here that if the Nakba is not redressed, this will continue forever. He wants it to continue forever; I want the Nakba redressed.

He knew Nahal Oz would be attacked again. And he was right. On the morning of Simchat Torah of this year, 5784, twelve residents of the kibbutz were brutally murdered. A family that my family knows hid there in their bomb shelter for ten hours with their small children until they were rescued. The kibbutz was destroyed.

And Moshe Dayan knew it would happen, all the way back in 1956. And yet did nothing to change our trajectory. I cannot forgive him that.

In the months since the destruction of Nahal Oz, we have seen Gaza pummeled with a terrifying vengeance. For years I have encountered, albeit few and far between, people who have clammored for Gaza to be "turned into a parking lot." I was horrified by them, but did not take seriously the threat they represented. Yet now, their genocidal flowers have borne fruit. Gaza lies in ruins. 60% of the roads and infrastructure are destroyed. The descendants of refugees are refugees again, chased from their homes by the descendants of refugees. The live in tents, they scrabble for water and food. They live under threat of bombing, or being shot, or dying of illness and malnutrition.

And still Nahal Oz remains destroyed. The Jewish dead of Europe remain dead. The synagogues of Tunis and Algiers remain empty. Nothing is fixed, only more and more broken.

Is it to continue this way? Is this the world we want?

I say no. I say another world is possible. And on a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

[sophieinwonderland]

In reference to making a tulpa: “But don't push them to do anything that might cause them harm. If they choose to help of their own accord, then that's their choice. But just remember that they're a person, not a tool.”

From what I know, you’ve said that you generally believe that the majority of spiritual practices are connected to psychological phenomena. I guess I’m just struggling to understand that if tulpamancy isn’t a spiritual thing for people and is framed as a psychological thing, why are tulpae usually framed as people rather than a part of you? Why do I hardly ever see people use parts language for tulpae?

I agree with you about how tulpas shouldn’t be used as a tool because they’re a person, just more specifically that you shouldn’t treat any part of your psyche like that. But I also understand that I don’t have tulpae and maybe there’s a reason why I commonly see tulpae being referred to as people

This is a good question, and ultimately, it comes down to differences in philosophy.

What makes a person a person? Is it the body? The nervous system? The brain? What all could you remove before a person stopped being a person? What could you replace before they became a different person?

If you could transfer all of your consciousness into code in a super computer, would you cease being a person because now all the bits that make up "you" are in a machine, without all those squishy organic bits? This particular debate might become increasingly relevant in the future as we invent more advanced artificial intelligences and have to consider the ethics of how we treat thinking entities with human-like intelligence.

John Locke defined a person as a "thinking intelligent being, that has reason and reflection, and can consider itself as itself, the same thinking thing, in different times and places."

Essentially, by this view, the intelligence, sense of self and ability to form autobiographical memories that one can recognize as belonging to them, and the ability to reflect on those memories, is what makes one a person. Views of personhood like this are common throughout the tulpamancy community. Very few tulpa systems take a spiritual view of the practice, but virtually the entire community views tulpas as our own people for this reason.

Now, I would differentiate the person from a human. A human is the biological organism. I would view each headmate as a person, but also as part of the human's, the biological organism's, internal system. I'm a person. My host is a person. Abby and Almond are people. And together, we are parts of a human. And that fact doesn't make us any less people than the way that a singlet being part of a household would make them less of a person.

[kitchenalia]

luvuv(.)tumblr(.)com/post/687782729762406400 Isn't this post mostly true? I'm pro-female only spaces but obviously the at least nominal neutralizing of these spaces is in service of trans masc people.

i think that it's less important to focus on "blame" here than it is to focus on who benefits from the gender-neutralization of language surrounding female reproductive processes and rights. the group that benefits most, as a class, is men. when we use gender-neutral language in a sexist world, people aren't necessarily hearing "oh, that language is gender-neutral because this affects more than one group!" but instead "i don't hear a gender marker in there; let me fill this in with my own, pre-existing assumptions." words like 'doctor' and 'scientist' are gender-neutral terms, yet in the US at least, many will assume you're talking about a man unless otherwise specified. clearly, gender-neutral language isn't magic, but we're expected to treat it like it is. in the context of sex-based oppression, it is actively harmful, because it removes the reason we need to talk about it from the equation. why talk about sexism and misogyny when, in fact, an issue affects both men and women in the same way?

what interests me here isn't necessarily who's pushing for what type of language. after all, i've seen both groups regularly advocating for the erasure of "woman" and "female" from these discussions ("don't say 'female' because i don't feel that way"/"don't say 'female' because i feel that way but am not affected by this issue"). (obviously i feel differently about the two arguments, but i'll shelve that for now because i have a different point to make.) what interests me is why, when some transmasc people and feminist women have suggested additive language instead of gender-neutral language, there is pushback or it rarely gets off the ground.

abortion and childbirth are female-specific issues because they are only experienced by people belonging to the female sex class. in light of that, and in light of the fact that some people belonging to that sex class feel uncomfortable with terms like "woman" (or feel that they're not getting good enough access to care if health officials are uninformed), then why should the campaign not be for adding language rather than taking it away? the female-specific character of these discussions shouldn't be lost, because they're key to protecting women's rights and fighting against sex-based oppression, but we can also add lines of text clarifying that some female people identify as transgender and still require equal access to abortions and other forms of reproductive healthcare. i've seen people suggest this over terms like "birthing bodies" and "womb carriers" but for some reason, only gender-neutral language that refuses to acknowledge specific female experiences and oppression gains any popularity.

this is something that trans (female) people have brought up as a possibility before. i don't think it takes off because it allows for the clear identification of anti-abortion laws and menstruation as female-specific, and female-exclusive, topics. additive language would only highlight the experiences of some specific women (always going to happen in discussions of sexism anyway), rather than redefine the term entirely. to me, this is a benefit because it allows for more frank discussion of sexism. to some, this is very negative because it doesn't permit enough permeability of the sexes in either direction. i think that the lack of benefit to men generally is part of what makes this an unpopular suggestion, because any action that we take has to have some concrete benefit to men somehow.

sorry if this isn't the answer that you were interested in, but i really just didn't see much of a point in the original post (other than it being wrong; saying "it's not x who does this, it's y" is pointless when both groups do it for different motivations). wondering what others think of the possibility of additive language, like "this affects women, which includes..." rather than language that attempts to neutralize, like "this affects people..." in these discussions.

[i-want-all-the-cookies]

So this is just a headcanon of what I think each Union member would probably smell like. Hope you guys like it, and let me know if you would want me to do the Eunjang guys as well, or any other side character.

************ *************************************

Donald Na- Donald would smell like clean linens or a fresh breeze. Now I know what you're thinking, 'What the heck is that even supposed to be or smell like?' I had the exact same thoughts when I was trying to find a nice candle to buy and came across these scents. But surprisingly when I took the lids off to get a whiff, they smelled kinda fresh and crisp. Nothing overpowering, very subtle, and possibly even close to an actual "clean" smell.

•Donald would prefer to have a neutral scent if at all possible. Nothing too flashy or potent and definitely nothing bad. He especially doesn't want to smell of dirt, sweat, or anything that could be associated with his childhood. He will find extreme satisfaction at staying clean, and smelling clean at all times.

•Which is why I also don't see him wearing any body sprays or colognes. He doesn't like other smells to linger on him. With the only true exception being your smell. But even then, he would prefer it on a piece of clothing that he could remove at will if needed. For anything else in his regular day to day life, it's just going to be his own scent. With the occasional situation where he would have to go and attend some type of function, possibly for business. In which case, he would splash on a little dab of high quality cologne for the event and then wash it off as soon as he gets home.

•There will be some moments throughout the day where you may catch a different scent on him. Those being when he's eating and when he's smoking. At those times you will be able to get a whiff of him smelling like warm bread, marinated bulgogi, or even cigarettes. But those moments won't last long, since he would go wash his hands as soon as he is finished. Going as far as even wiping his lips down with some water or a wet wipe after smoking, so that all the parts of him that came in contact with the object get wiped clean.

•Of course what this means for you, is that you will always get Donald at his most bare. So when you hug or hang out, you know that what you smell is not anything synthetic but his own authentic clean scent that you can enjoy.

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Jimmy Bae- Jimmy would have a warm woodsy scent. Nothing too strong or sharp, but definitely outdoorsy in nature. So when he picks you up in a big bear hug lifting your feet off the ground, either to feel you squirm as you try to set your feet back onto solid ground or to just hold you tighter so you won't scurry away, he will smell like a walk through the woods on a warm spring day. Where you are able to smell some of the foliage mixed in with warmed up tree bark that's been heated up from the sun.

•Part of this is because, unlike Donald, Jimmy likes to smell of something. So he will use scented body soap in the shower, and will even give himself a quick burst of some type of body spray (imagine something like Axe body spray) when he is finished showering or getting ready. And he prefers woodsy, natural scents over high perfumed ones.

•But of course this is Jimmy we're talking about, so he will also always have a subtle lingering smell of cigarettes. He won't be as meticulous at washing afterwards as Donald, but if there is a sink or washroom nearby he will go and at least wash his hands. Especially if you happen to be around. But if there isn't any in the area, then he will definitely not loose any sleep over it.

______________

Forrest Lee- Forrest will smell like cloves with a hint of cardamon. Since I see him as more of a tea drinker than a coffee drinker. And there is actually this black tea, that's made with added whole cloves and cardamon pods, that just makes everything smell soo good. And it taste absolutely yummy (kinda like how I imagine Forrest to taste...I mean, smell like 😉).

•The scent would be caused not only by Forrest's tea drinking habits, but also because of the body and hair products he uses. Forrest, like Jimmy, will use scented body wash. But unlike Jimmy, Forrest will also use lotion on his hands and body. So whenever he reaches out to hold onto your hand or he happens to touch a part of your body, it will always be with soft, firm hands. Of course that still wouldn't matter to those he decides to slap around, as to them, it would still feel like a damn bear was the one hitting them across the face.

•And since Forrest is also a smoker, so he will also have a lingering cigarette smell to him. Especially when he wears his leather jacket. Which is most of the time. Since the leather seems to pick up and hold onto the smokey scent more than regular clothing would. But that still doesn't stop him from offering you his jacket when he thinks you look cold. He will just hope that you dont mind the smell too much, and would probably try to "shake it out" (as if that would do anything lol) before handing it to you. But the plus side to that situation is that once you hand back his jacket, the leather would have picked up on some of your scent as well, and now HE gets to smell you for the rest of the day or night.

____________

Jake Ji- Ok Jake will absolutely smell like sweet candy. Cotton candy, those little sugar tabs, lollipops, you name it. If it smells like sugary candy then it smells like Jake. It's also good to mention that he probably has the biggest sweet tooth in the Union, Donald coming in as a close second, so he is constantly munching down on the latest ice cream flavor, new novelty hard candy with a fizzy center, or trying out the multiple flavor combinations of boba drinks.

•Jake also doesn't seem to care what he uses on his body, either in the shower or after when getting ready. So if there happens to be a strawberry scented shampoo in the shower when he's bathing, most likely belonging to his mom, then he's using it. If he's at your house and he feels like his hands are dry, then he will grab some of your sweet pea lotion, without a second thought to it. Might even decide to hug you right as you're applying some perfume or body spray, and get sprayed in the process. It's ok, it won't bother him at all, and now he gets to smell just like you anywhere he goes.

•But other than the impromptu spray you provide him, he isn't into any specific colognes or body sprays, so what you smell off of him is simply the stuff he uses on his skin. If you would like him to smell a certain way more than another, then gift him a body set in that scent, and he will without a doubt use it on himself from head to toe.

___________

Wolf Keum- Wolf is more of an enigma when it comes to scents. Because he could not give two shits about anything he puts on his body, such as body wash, sprays, or lotions. So everything that he does use is usually scentless. Which means that he has the most natural smell out of everyone.

•The bad news is that it easily gets overpowered by other things he does throughout the day. More so than anyone else, Wolf's scent changes as the day progresses.

•In the morning he will most likely smell heavily of coffee. Because this guy needs his coffee to be STRONG. Or at least powerful enough to keep him awake throughout the day or to cure off the previous night's hangover. Later in the afternoon it will shift to the lingering smell of cigarettes, as he seems to be one of the heavier smokers of the Union. And on some nights, he might even end up with the faint smell of whatever alcohol he was drinking at the local club or bar that he managed to get into. Then there is also all the random moments where he happens to even smell like you, especially after you both have hung out for a good length of time. 😏

•But even at the end of each night or after a very long day, it would still be possible to get a whiff of Wolf's own natural scent. At least to those who can get him to drop his guard, and who he would allow to get close enough to rest their nose into the crook of his neck. Where they would inhale the sweet scent of cookies. Cuz what else would one of the most ruthless guys in the Union smell like if not the warm, comforting smell of baked treats.

[charlotte-headcanons]

The secrets of Charlotte siblings: Part 2 (Flampe, Daifuku, Pudding, Zuccotto, Newsan, Custard)

Headcanon-heavy! If you’d like to see any specific siblings in Part 3, feel free to request. Askbox always open for requests and chatting, enjoy!

Part 1 

Probably the biggest secret that Flampe hides is her regularly botching the vote count in her King of Big/Little Brothers/Sisters award competition. As a matter of fact...she doesn't get all that many votes, and many little sisters are way more liked than her. Sure, she is a noticeable persona, but most sibling (with few exceptions including Perospero) don't enjoy her presence. She lies even to herself that everyone loves her, though; because that's what she wants and it allows her to keep her self-esteem intact.

Related to that, Flampe keeps secret some of her motivations for hanging out only with the popular siblings and being outright rude to the unpopular ones. See, it's a kind of popularity-by-association thing; she kind of hopes that being, for example, Katakuri's favorite will make her more popular too. Meanwhile, she also doesn't want to be judged for associating herself with the less-liked siblings in the slightest. She can't risk it. Not with her ambitions.

As we discussed somewhere before, Daifuku isn't too likely to ever admit his fears and weaknesses. One of the greatest fears he has but can't ever admit... Has to do with his position in Totto Land. As a father, the treatment of their fathers he observed makes him seriously afraid. He doesn't know if he's useful enough, he doesn't know if one day his own children won't learn the truth and decide to get rid of him... He doesn't even know if he'll survive Mama's next hunger pang. Survival and self-preservation are very important to him and neither is a certainty in Totto. So, he's afraid...but HELL NO he'll never admit it.

Despite his overall mini-personal-rebellion against Totto Land's matriarchy, Daifuku hides one more embarrassing secret: that is, that he finds strong women capable of overpowering him so hot. This doesn't fit together with anything else he says publically, though, so he never admitted this even to his own wife. Yet.

Pudding holds a secret on top of a secret that's on top of another secret. First, there's her 'evil' side persona. Then, there's her trauma, actually despising how Mama treats her (and hating Mama, let's be real), plus having actual positive feelings towards others, when they happen (like towards Sanji).

Besides all these canon secrets, though, we'd headcanon one more small thing Pudding hides. To gain the trust and admiration of the Cacao Island population, she might sometimes allow for some destruction of the buildings on the island to later rebuild them and be credited as a savior. This, along with covering her eye and acting all sweet, allows her to not face any opposition for stepping in to lowkey manage the island in Lola's place.

Zuccotto doesn't like to admit that the black on his arms isn't sleeves - it's his body hair. For all the tolerance of different species Totto has, he has heard comments about it pretty often, and he'd rather not deal with them; so, he wears the cape to make it seem like a part of his clothing from afar.

For a tough guy like he is, Zuccotto also really likes to bake. While he takes pride in his self-sufficiency and cooking, he finds baking to be a bit embarrassing, especially since his favorite part of the process is decorating the cakes - something that doesn't match his rough-around-the-edges image all that much!

Newsan's secret is pretty much known by anyone who knows him more closely, though strangers may still be fooled. That boy has a problem and his problem is picking up every single stray animal he sees off the street and adopting it. He keeps them in a special house with a large garden he bought just for that purpose, making sure that the pets get enough space; the house is far enough from any other estates that he can walk the animals when necessary without many people noticing that they belong to him. The decuplets all find it pretty funny, and many let him lie to their faces about it without calling him out. It goes like: "Sorry I'm late I was feeding my...UHHH myself"; "Sure Newsan-nii. Sure you were."

Custard was always a delicate girl. Sure, the ideal of a woman in Totto Land is the closest to Smoothie or Mama herself: strong, badass, independent, and imposing; but Custard never quite felt like it was her thing to be like them. Still, she has a great desire for being accepted; and so, she played along, fooling many that she's badass and actually not gentle at all.

Deep down, though, she really wishes she could lead a normal, calm life with her husband by her side; without having to fight or deal with the whole madness of a pirate lifestyle. She wouldn't even mind being a housewife, and she'd also really like to adopt a bunch of children; but as Mama prefers biological kids and she doesn't have an excuse of not being able to deliver those, she can't really argue for an adoption so far.

[nice-kill-tanaka]

May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz

I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.

[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]

YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖

And, the lucky person is:

⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰

Quirk: Dragon

Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.

Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.

Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.

Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)

When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.

Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.

🌱Humble Beginnings🌱

I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?

You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school

First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”

By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”

Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought

While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back

With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities

Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???

The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together

They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn

It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A. 

Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you

But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:

“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine

The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass

All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day

But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself

You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested

((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))

Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you

Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)

But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier

(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)

The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards

“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”

You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected

The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts

“…Hm?”

You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet

“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”

You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger

“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”

“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”

This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)

But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”

🌳Flourishing Love🌳

The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam

He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one

You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground

It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it

You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation

Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete

Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground

“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”

Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot

You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅

You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you

And he didn’t even know your name

As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.

You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert

Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was

He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)

Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉

As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)

And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes

It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D

Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident

You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)

Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you

He told you on your way to school the next morning:

“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”

“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”

Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that

‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’

And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan