#-kinds of friendships and relationships that can emerge from two or more people bc they are all so unique

[tonydaddingham]

i won't go so far as to say they annoy me, because everyone has their own opinions, but i just CANNOT agree with any takes saying that their entire relationship has been dysfunctional or built on solely on false premises or etc. anything else in that vein. i know we've been dissecting the issues a lot to explain the breakup, but i'm going to go out on a limb and say that as a whole there's way more love than problems and there's way more good than bad. and that doesn't erase the problems or the bad or make them any less in need of fixing, i'm just saying overall the love in their relationship and the good parts of it definitely win out. plus, PLEASE cut them a bit of slack for the constraints the Heaven&Hell rigmarole put on their relationship. and i don't mean in a trauma way, i mean in a physical threat, having to do everything secretly kinda way.

further asks and response under the cut:

hi anon!!!✨ okay won't lie, the first ask made my blood pressure rocket through the ceiling 😅 but you're good, thanks for coming back to clarify, i really appreciate it - bc tbh idk if i would have had the acuity to have answered this today otherwise!!!✨

i hear you - speaking more personally for a sec (i will actually address what you're saying in a mo!), i hope you don't mind, it is slightly exhausting when some read my ask responses or metas, and genuinely believe that im purposefully trying to find negativity in the story or the characters, especially crowley. im not at all; i truly just find the dozens of layers to them both (and the storyline - the ethics, philosophy, psychology!) really, really interesting, and i find it fun to examine. i don't take any joy in pointing out flaws or dysfunctions for the sake of it, but more that, for me, it makes the whole relationship so much more relatable, and compelling. here are two creatures that are literally as non-human as it can get, and they're making mistakes, or miscommunicating, or have 'issues' the same as a lot of us do? that's really comforting to me - to look at two characters that i treasure acutely, and be able to recognise the ways in which they're not perfect. their story, in that respect, suddenly doesn't feel inaccessible.

but braindump-that-you-didnt-ask-for over!!!✨

i agree that their relationship is ultimately rooted in love. i think that that love has taken in many incarnations over the course of their narrative, emerging from general attraction/fascination, to acquaintances, to uniquely-relatable-to-each-other-and-only-each-other colleagues, to friends, to best friends, to deeply-pining crushes, to being unrequited love interests, to being full-throttle in love with each other, to being each other's family and sanctuary... all of these at the same time, and some evolving and merging into others. i don't personally hold the belief that romantic love has been there since the beginning (but fully respect where people do see it that way!) but romantic love isn't the only love that aziraphale and crowley are built on.

there have been problems and misunderstandings amongst all of that, times where they possibly don't know each other as much as they like to think they do, where they've not been kind or gentle to each other, but that doesn't mean that none of it isn't all interwoven, in every fibre, with love (whatever form that takes). they may not be human, but they are navigating something uniquely human, and that isn't always going to be perfect.

add to that, just as you say, the literal threat that hangs over both of them where they're not allowed to acknowledge a single part of any of the above; to do so not only puts themselves at risk, but the other at risk moreso. that fear - that sword of damocles, as others way more poetically-minded than me have put it - is borne out of love, of concern, of respect, and friendship. it's not a question, again as you say (because i wholeheartedly agree with you!), of one loving the other more than the vice versa, and one always having to bend to the other until they break whilst the other doesn't get a look-in. the way i see it, sometimes you do have to bend to each other in relationships, friendships etc., but that's a mark of trust, respect, and love in and of itself; that you can feel that you can look to the other for support when you need it, feel comfortable in being vulnerable enough to do so, and be so deeply loved in return as to be the one to support when the other needs it themselves.

there are times in the narrative where one lets the other down, or hurts them, sure - but that doesn't mean that that's the nail in the coffin. it's not going to ruin them, or end them, or drive them apart irrevocably; it's causing/caused issues that they simply need to work to mend... and tbh, they're probably not even aware that some of those cracks are there! once again, i think it's fair to say that this happens in most relationships, and usually - usually - most problems such as the more human-like ones they're facing now (especially the ones borne out of wanting to protect one another!) are fixable with patience, communication, kindness, time, and continuous love!

i do think s3 is really going to upend this, though, and put it to that aforementioned breaking point; i think there is going to be stuff revealed which leaves each other completely bare for the other to see - no secrets, no smokescreen, no glamour - and prove to be the true test of that love. but let's face it (because it will happen); they will choose to love each other anyway. perhaps even because of what s3 will reveal. i don't think ive ever seen their love for each other as unconditional - like i said, i think such a 'condition'/test will be put to them both in s3 and turn their view of each other on its head - but their love for each other in, all its guise, is strong, deep, and profound enough that it will be what they choose every time✨

if you would like to come back off anon, that is entirely up to you and i'll leave that for you to decide - or message privately? - i don't mind!!! but again thank you for clarifying the tone, i find tone hard to read sometimes and i appreciate the follow-up asks!!!💕

[gutsfics]

hello!! i know you've posted about, i believe it was tobias and your loa mc, being in a queer platonic relationship, which i find very interesting, but i'm just curious what exactly a qpr is? and maybe more specifically what it means to you and your characters if you want to share that?

i'm going to preface this by saying that i have never been in a qpr myself (afaik), and i am still trying to figure out my romantic (and sexual, tbh) orientation, so what i know about it is stuff ive learned from people who are aromantic and in a qpr! just no personal first hand experience

a queerplatonic relationship is, from my understanding, when two (or more! im sure there are queerplatonic polycules out there) people take on very strong and important roles in each other's lives, similar to roles that romantic partners might take, ie living together, taking care of each other when sick or hurt, sharing financials, being emergency contacts, and possibly getting married for those sweet sweet legal benefits. like, its one thing to have a friend help take care of you while your sick and another thing to have a person in your life you can share financial and legal burdens with, just to lighten the load. just without the romance. not necessarily without the sex- that varies person to person. the "platonic" part refers to romance

for Tobias and Reigan, their relationship started off as a "we're aromantic and we're out but people in our lives won't stop hounding us to settle down bc they don't understand what being aromantic means no matter how many times we explain it. do you wanna fake date?" and as they got to know each other they both decided that the other was kind of the perfect person to depend on, financially* and legally. they get married twice, once in a courthouse in Boston and then again a year later bc their parents were all disappointed they didn't do a big white wedding (the second one was technically a vow renewal but they didn't. really give vows the first time. they just rocked up to a courthouse and were like "hey. marry us.")

so basically. Tobias and Reigan's relationship, for them, is about both the legal/financial security that comes from being married, and getting family members to stop asking when they'll settle down (& in Reigan's case, to get Joaquin to stop flirting w him🥴). Also: friendship. these two vibe like no other & they genuinely just enjoy spending time with each other

*i am not saying this in a "one or both is gold diggers" type way but in a "buying a house is expensive and difficult by yourself" way. although im sure thats probably obvious bc theyre a doctor and a lawyer living very comfortably in nyc (Tobais eventually moves in w Reigan when he decides his time in Boston/at Edenbrook is done)

[crescentfool]

hiii! tysm for leaving such sweet tags on part 2 the yukari/ryoji hcs list, i had so much fun reading through those :) im flattered you still remember part 1 considering it’s been six months & i had pt2 in my drafts for ages but i thought of you while writing it; it’s getting comments like yours that keeps me going <3 it took me a while to upload since ive wanted to add onto it—i can’t get enough of those two—but ig i can always do that in a part 3. or a fanfic…? point is, the popular girl dealing with her bestie’s weird-ass boyfriend driving her up a wall is always my jam, especially when she ends up lowkey being in on his BS with him (much to the shock of the whole school) while the MC’s like “maybe i liked you two better when you hated each other” loool

HII HII mimi thank you so much for stopping by to the ask box!!! it's always a lot of fun for me to leave tags when i come across posts that i enjoy- especially ones related to writing! hcs and aus are always such a joy for me to read, especially if it involves ryoji 😳

honestly, the yukari and ryoji friendship hcs have very much been living rent free in my mind since i saw that first post about them playing minecraft together! they'd float across my brain at least once or twice a month and i'd go "YEAHH THIS IS WHAT THEY DESERVE!"

so in that respect, im flattered to hear that you thought of me while writing the second part- and if you ever consider writing more for them (fic or hc list form, or any medium really, shitposts are also included in that LOL), im always down to see it! 👀

but YESS that friendship dynamic... literally chef's kiss tbh. i love unlikely combos of friends and i think yukari and ryoji represent that rather well! its nice thinking that over time, yukari can warm up to ryoji's silly antics (i am sure he has an infinite amount of them, lmao). plus, i feel that yukari can show ryoji a lot of cool things as well, whether if it's her perspective from being popular, or just some hobbies that she's into!

and i think it's especially funny that you added the MC to the mix too in that last remark... must be weird for minato or hamuko to observe yukari laughing with ryoji over something stupid rather than yukari being like >:c or something at him 😂 (i'm terrible at words help!). in any case i am sure that all three of them are getting along great!

ANYWAYS i uh. did not mean to take this long to respond to this ask nor did i mean to make it very long but i guess that's what happens when i want to express my gratitude back and acknowledge asks properly, haha. but seriously, thank you again mimi, not just for the inbox visit, but the hcs! it's always a pleasant surprise to see whatever people are up to in the p3 fandom and i appreciate the yukari and ryoji hcs very much~ (and have a very lovely day!!)

and for all you other people who are wondering, what the heck are these hcs you are talking about? here go read them here from mimi's blog: part i | part ii

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 8 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: So uh...I wasn’t going to post this until at least Wednesday but uh....after that game...I changed my mind. It’ll definitely be a bit of a wait until the next chapter because this was the last one I had banked but hopefully it makes it worth it. Thanks Cale for making me spontaneously combust about a dozen times today. 

Gif credit: @mitchmarner

Warnings: cursing, smut

Word Count: 3,975

~~~~~~

It had been a week since Cale had gotten home and although you’d seen him, you hadn’t had any alone time together. Cale had come over a few times, once with just Laura to help you do some more unpacking, a second time with his mom and dad who had bought you a patio set as your housewarming gift and then a third when his promised king-size bed had arrived and he’d brought his brother Taylor to help swap it out with your double.

Each time, you’d had to settle for a quick hug, unable to kiss him like you wanted to in front of his family. If you were slightly frustrated by having him so close and not being able to act the way you wanted, you didn’t let it show, but it did contribute to the utter exhaustion you were feeling.

Work was crazy, anyone wanting to move trying to do so while school was out for the summer. On top of that, you were trying to get the house completely unpacked, just wanting to be able to live without tripping over boxes or having to dig for something you needed. You’d been eating far more takeout than you would have liked, so when you came home to find Cale in your kitchen cooking, you almost immediately started to cry.

“Hey, you’re home…” Cale grinned, stirring something in the pot in front of him. When he noticed the tears, he adjusted the burners before stepping to wrap his arms around you. “Why are you crying?” He questioned and you just sniffled into his chest, so many emotions swelling inside of you.

You weren’t shocked that Cale was in your home, you’d sent the security code to the hide-a-key to Cale and his family in case of emergency. But the fact that he was here...cooking dinner...you certainly hadn’t expected that in your exhausted state. As your body finally settled at the feeling of Cale’s hand rubbing your back, you leaned up to kiss him gently.

“I just...this was unexpected and I’m exhausted and you caught me off guard.” You murmured. Cale nodded and kissed you again before glancing over at the pots on the stove.

“Well go change. Dinner is almost ready.” Cale insisted. Following his instructions you moved to throw on a cotton sundress, letting your hair down from where you’d clipped it to keep it off of your neck. By the time you returned to the kitchen, dressed down and barefoot, Cale had glasses of wine poured and was in the process of serving dinner. “Take those glasses outside and I’ll meet you there in a minute?” He suggested.

Taking a sip of one of the glasses of wine, you moved through your house, out the backdoor, and into one of the cushy chairs surrounding your outdoor table. It was a beautiful evening, and Cale’s surprise appearance was just what you needed after a long day. The fact that he’d cooked...well that impressed you even more and you couldn’t wait to taste what he’d made. A minute or so later, Cale was setting a plate down in front of you, loaded down with chicken alfredo.

“My favorite.” You declared, smiling over at him as he settled into the chair next to you, scooting it just a little bit closer.

“I know.” He replied. “Hopefully it tastes okay. I uh...I’ve never made it before. I had to google a recipe.” Honestly, it was a hard dish to screw up and Cale wasn’t totally incompetent in the kitchen so your hopes were relatively high.

“I’m sure it will be great. I didn’t have to cook it and it’s homemade not takeout.” You assured him, squeezing his hand before reaching for your fork. The food was more than okay and you devoured your entire plate fairly quickly. Cale finished fairly quickly as well and leaving your plates on the table for the moment, the two of you moved over to the loveseat, just enjoying each other’s company.

Cale’s fingers stroked gently at the skin just above your knee and his chin rested on top of your head as you laid yours on his shoulder.

“I’ve missed you.” He breathed, pressing kisses into your hair.

“Me too…” You agreed. “This whole sneaking around thing is hard when I want to kiss you all the time.” Cale chuckled, his chest vibrating against you.

“I know…” Cale conceded. “I just…” He started speaking until you cut him off.

“But we both know your mom would ask a million questions and it’s kinda nice not worrying about what anyone else thinks even though I know she’d be happy for us.”

“Exactly.” Cale mused. “Speaking of my mom though…” He transitioned. “She uh, she suggested I come talk to you about something...which saved me from having to make an excuse...” He admitted trailing off.

“What?” You questioned, confused.

“I uh...I’m thinking about taking a trip,” Cale explained. “Mom suggested I ask you to go with me.” Your eyes went wide immediately wondering if Laura had picked up on this even if you hadn’t told her anything. “She said it would be good for us to spend some time together after everything. I think she’s still worried about our friendship.” He continued, rubbing at the back of his neck after a moment.

“Oh.” You whispered, your brain just a step slow on the uptake.

“I uh...was going to ask you anyway for the record.” Cale clarified. “Her suggestion was just the prompt for me to come over tonight.”

“So a trip huh?” You breathed, curious as to what he had in mind. “Like to Banff or BC?”

“I was thinking Iceland.”

Your eyes went wide and you twisted to face him, your stunned reaction making his cheeks flush.

“Iceland?” You repeated. Cale could have given you a million guesses as to the location he had in mind and you still never would have guessed that.

“Yes, Iceland,” Cale said, completely nonchalant. “It’s supposed to be beautiful in the summer. And let’s face it, you and I aren’t really beach people. Looking at all the things there are to do there, it sounded like a trip we’d both enjoy.” Cale was right, neither of you was really a ‘lay around on a beach all day’ kind of person. The fact that he’d put thought into what you would like when selecting a location made your heart skip a beat.

“So what do you say?” He finally inquired. “Take some time off work and go on a trip with me?” You were nodding almost immediately, excitement filling your veins. As if you wouldn’t go pretty much anywhere with Cale if he asked you to. “Good.” He grinned. “I’ll make all the plans and let you know the exact dates.”

Standing, he pulled you to your feet and wrapped his arms around you.

“Our first vacation together as a couple. I can’t wait.” He breathed, kissing you softly but deeply.

“Hopefully it’s just the first of our many adventures.” You murmured against his lips. Cale continued to kiss you until your knees started to go weak before he pulled away, moving to clean up your dishes. “I can do that.” You insisted. “You cooked.”

Your attempt to grab the dishes failed when Cale dodged your hands and moved inside.

“Relax sweetheart. I got it.” He called, and you shook your head feeling spoiled. Little gestures like tonight meant worlds more to you than any material present ever could and you felt blessed that Cale always seemed to want to do things to show you just how important you were. Letting yourself back inside, you moved through the living room where the picture Cale gave you last week was now settled among so many others. While not every photo included Cale, a good number of them did and it was amazing to see just how far your relationship had come.

Pictures weren’t the only things you had that revealed the depth of your friendship. Moving into the guest bedroom, you sat down on the bed, your fingers immediately drifting over the fabric of the quilt you’d found stored in one of your boxes from your childhood home. It was made of every jersey Cale had ever worn, even including the avs. You yourself had worn pretty much every one of these jerseys as you cheered Cale on from the bleachers.

Lost in thought about all of those weekends and afternoons spent at various rinks you missed Cale searching for you.

“What are you doing in here?” Cale murmured, his body leaning against the doorframe.

“Just thinking…” You responded, smiling over at him fondly. You felt Cale’s eyes just take you in before he realized just what you were sitting on. He had never seen your quilt before so you watched as his eyes went wide.

“This is…” He cut himself off and you reached out to him, drawing him further into the room.

“The summation of all of the years I spent freezing my butt off while supporting my best friend.” You ribbed him, your fingers running along his abs as he stood in front of you. Cale had a mystified expression on his face and you reached for his hands, holding them in your own. “I’ve always been so proud of you, you know that right?” You insisted. “Like my family has always joked that being your biggest fan is one of my defining personality traits.”

Sliding to your feet in the limited space between Cale’s body and the bed frame, you gently pressed a kiss to his lips.

“My mom saved all of the jerseys and I guess when I was in college she sewed them all together to make this.” You explained. “I got it shortly after I graduated but I forgot about it for a while. Then I found it while unpacking and decided it would be perfect in here.” It was something sentimental and it made you feel even more like this home was a place for the two of you. It was a piece of Cale present even when he couldn’t be.

Cale’s only response was to kiss you again, his hands pulling your body close with the sort of touch that made you feel both powerful and powerless at the same time. The more time you spent with him, the more all of those suppressed feelings rose to the surface ready to sweep you away. You weren’t ready to admit it, even to yourself, but a nagging voice in the back of your mind was getting louder and louder by the day with one clear message: you love him.

Pulling back from the kiss you let out a long yawn, your eyes blinking slowly.

“Someone really is tired.” Cale murmured, his arms wrapping around you snugly. Nodding against his chest, you relaxed against him, some of the tension in your body slowly slipping away.

“I need a shower though...so I can’t go to bed.” You mumbled, your words muffled by his shirt. Cale still heard you though because suddenly he was scooping you up bridal style and carrying you into the bathroom, setting you down on the vanity. After closing the bathroom door behind him, Cale opened the shower door and reached in to turn the water on.

Before he’d even turned back to you, you were already certain that he had plans for the two of you to shower together. That was confirmed when Cale removed his clothes before slipping his hands under your ass to slide your dress over your head. Gentle hands pulled your undergarments off as well before falling to your waist to carefully set you onto your feet on the bathroom tile.

Checking the water temperature, Cale stepped in, pulling you with him under the spray. The sight of his wet body in front of you made your mind go blank. You knew you were lucky, but god...the sight of him was mindboggling.

“Are you going to shower or stare at me?” Cale prodded, leaning down to kiss you quickly but firmly. Rolling your eyes, you wet your hair before stepping from under the water to get shampoo. “Just hold still.” Cale directed, his hands already covered in a soapy lather. Watching him, you felt his fingers run through your hair before they lightly scraped at your scalp, massaging gently.

“That feels good.” You hummed, tilting your head a bit into his hands. As more stress left your body, Cale guided you back under the spray until all of the soap was washed down the drain. He repeated the process with your conditioner, making sure not to coat your roots, lazy kisses killing time before it too was washed away.

Quickly washing your face yourself, you turned to find him squeezing your body wash into his palm. Though the feeling of his hands rubbing over your back was innocent enough, by the time you turned to face him you were relaxed and on edge all at the same time. His hands on your breasts drew an unsolicited moan from your throat and immediately his eyes flashed with lust.

You couldn’t tell from his behavior though, his touch remaining light and caring as he drew his hands up and down your body, lathering you in soap. Though you were still exhausted, as you rinsed off you couldn’t help but feel that uptick in heart rate and tingle all over your body that signaled your desire.

“Remind me to shower with you more often.” You said softly, reaching out for him. “That was really nice...thank you.”

“Such a hardship,” Cale replied, an easy grin on his face. It was impossible not to take what he had tee’d up for you and you dropped your fingers to trail along the v of his hips.

“I mean something is hard.” You smirked, just barely grazing your fingers against his semi-erect dick. Cale immediately let out a low grunt in response. Eyeing him for a moment, you moved to drop to your knees but Cale’s hands stopped you, quickly pressing you against the shower wall. “Cale...let me take care of you...you’ve been taking care of me all night.” You requested.

“And I’m not done yet,” Cale announced. A shiver ran through your body and you bit your lip watching as he moved to step out of the shower. As your mind flashed to the condoms in the vanity drawer, you thought about your upcoming trip.

A split-second decision had you reaching out to stop him, and this time when you bit your lip it was because you were slightly nervous. You hadn’t been with anyone in a long time besides Cale and you knew you were clean. You were fairly certain he hadn’t been with anyone else besides you in the last few months and you knew the Avs players were tested fairly regularly for all manner of things. And with your birth control given via shot every three months the risk of pregnancy was extremely low.

“Do you not want to…?” Cale asked. It was clear that you had confused him, so swallowing hard you moved to remedy that.

“I do. Of course I do.” You assured him. “I just...I was thinking…” There really wasn’t any reason for you to be nervous, you were both adults who could have this kind of conversation, so swallowing hard you just spit it out. “I get a birth control shot every three months and I know I’m clean. I’m pretty confident you are as well and it would be nice not to have to stop to reach for a condom every time if you’re comfortable going without.” Taking another deep breath you spoke once more before stopping to await Cale’s response. “Of course if you want to continue using them we can...your comfort is important to me.”

It seemed to take Cale a minute to process what you threw at him but after a moment he nodded and stepped toward you again.

“Are you sure?” He questioned, his eyes revealing that he wasn’t fully certain but he was definitely intrigued.

“That my birth control is effective? Yes. That I want to feel you and only you? Yes. That none of that matters unless you’re okay going bare? Triple yes. So go grab a condom, Cale.” You murmured pushing him toward the shower door.

When he resisted your push you sighed, the sound choked off as Cale’s mouth came down with a demand that had been absent before.

“I’m okay with it.” He insisted when you finally pulled away to breathe. Searching his gaze, all those hesitations that were there before were gone, leaving nothing but desire.

“Then why don’t you take care of me like you promised.” You suggested.

Cale’s strong hands fell to your thighs, hauling them up his body and around his waist as he leveraged you against the shower wall. It was a show of athletic strength that sent a wave of moisture to your core, one that Cale quickly discovered as he brushed his thumb through your folds, ending at your clit.

“You wet enough for me?” Cale asked, his nose bumping against yours as he pressed a needy kiss to your lips. Feeling him hard, pressed between you, it was impossible to do anything but nod. He didn’t move, however, until you eventually found your voice.

“Need you inside me.” You commanded softly. Cale started to shift but then cursed lowly.

“Spit in your hand.” He directed. Realizing he was concerned that the water was washing away some of the natural lubrication you followed his instructions, spitting and then wrapping your hand around cock. You’d barely started removing your fingers when he pulled back to shift and adjusting your grip you settled his tip at your entrance. He slipped through your fingers as he pressed up inside of you and the dual sensation drew a sharp moan from deep in your belly.

The lack of a condom wasn’t super noticeable, but you could have sworn he felt a little hotter and the friction was a little smoother without a barrier between you. They were minute differences but just as you were aware of every other sensation Cale’s body created, you were aware of those as well.

As Cale thrust his hips against yours you took in the difference between this time and your previous two times together. Of course the location was different, but while the first time had been need driven and the second beyond soft, this was a combination of the two. The physical exertion required on Cale’s part meant that he couldn’t take his time, but he was also acting ever so gentle, truly focused on taking care of you.

Determined to do your part, you wrapped your arms around Cale’s neck, kissing him as you rolled your hips down against his. Each hip roll created slightly different timing against Cale’s thrusts and the variety of angles created drew curses from your lips.

“Fuck…” You moaned when one angle hit a particularly good spot deep inside of you. “Right there…” Holding your hips still, Cale’s next thrusts hit the same spot and your head fell back against the shower wall. One, two, three more thrusts had you screaming Cale’s name, your orgasm crashing down on you hard, taking with it all of the frustration you’d been feeling before.

With a pleasurable numbness settling in your muscles, it took you a moment to realize that Cale was still grinding again you, seeking his own orgasm. Though you were slightly oversensitive, you wanted Cale to orgasm so you trailed your hands over his arms, appreciating just how big and broad he was. His body held such power that it both amazed you and turned you on.

Feeling Cale’s strain you pulled him into a kiss, your hand dropping between your bodies to gently roll his balls between your fingers.

“You gonna fill me up handsome?” You breathed against his mouth. “Gonna let me feel your cum deep inside me?” His balls twitched and he groaned your name. With one more half-thrust you felt him pulse inside you and his hot sticky semen coated your inner walls. The foreign feeling sent a jolt through you and caused a surprise orgasm to ripple through your body, completely exhausting you.

“Shit…” Cale grunted, his forehead pressed against your own. A long moment passed as Cale worked to collect his breath. “Can you stand?” He posed the question softly, his hands shifting on your thighs so that he didn’t drop you.

You honestly weren’t sure your legs would support your weight so you shook your head burying it against Cale’s shoulder.

“Alright,” Cale replied, shifting one hand quickly to turn the water off, which was surprisingly still warm, before placing it back on your thigh, elbowing the door open. Slowly pulling out of you, he set you down on the vanity, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks as he kissed you. As soon as he felt you shiver, however, he reached behind him for a towel, quickly wrapping it around your body. Retrieving a warm rag he cleaned you up first before wiping himself down. You could still feel his cum slowly dripping out of you, leaving you feeling dirty but in a good way. That was by far the most intimate thing you had ever done and it felt you feeling even closer to Cale than you were before.

Wrapped in a towel, you watched Cale quickly dry himself off before throwing his clothes back on. Then he turned his attention to you, carefully drying you off as well before lifting and carrying you back into your bedroom. Since you’d been too tired to make your bed this morning, he was able to easily settle you between the sheets. The moment your head hit the pillow you felt your eyes start to struggle to remain open. When Cale moved to your bedroom door your heart sank.

“Are you leaving me?” You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes. Immediately Cale paused in the doorway, turning to face you.

“Sweetheart...I’m just hanging the towels up and grabbing your dirty clothes. I’ll be right back.” Nodding, you closed your eyes, not opening them until the bed shifted beside you. “Come here.” Cale murmured opening his arms to you. You settled against him, your head on his shoulder as he kissed your forehead.

“Sunshine...I’m not just going to leave you after sex okay. Not unless I absolutely have to.” You knew that, you did, you were just exhausted and feeling vulnerable after that experience. Cale’s fingers stroked through your still wet hair and you felt yourself starting to doze against him, his rhythmic breath soothing you.

“I should go home at some point though.” Cale finally admitted. “Otherwise mom is going to ask a lot of questions.”

“Can’t you just tell her you fell asleep watching a movie and didn’t want to drive back when you woke up because it was the middle of the night?” You pleaded, pout settling onto your face. For a moment you thought Cale was going to resist, but then he kissed the pout right off of your face.

“Yeah, I can do that.” He agreed. “Let me go lock your doors and I’ll be right back.’’ He stated, slipping out from under you. When he returned it was with a bottle of water, which he placed on your bedside table before moving around the bed, shedding all of his clothes except his boxers. As he slid into bed, you snuggled against him once more, and this time you stopped fighting sleep knowing that he was right here with you. Right where he was supposed to be.

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mira--mira]

One obvious for the ask game. The main protagonist; Naruto Uzumaki and Izuku Midoriya.

@shiryusamarkanda it’s so nice to hear from you again! <3 

I totally didn’t forget to post this and had it fully finished in my drafts for days...totally. 

Naruto

What I love about them:

Naruto's a bratty kid who’s not afraid to speak up and challenge something he thinks is "wrong". This, of course, is part 1 Naruto. I actually like when he's a bit insensitive without being explicitly malicious bc its very fitting for his background/how he grew up but also gives him a clear path forward as he learns how to work as a team/starts to grow. It wasn’t exactly a smart move, but I really liked how he continued to challenge Zabuza in the Wave Arc saying “he’s still my enemy” after Kakashi told him to back off. This is all good and strong characterization that, to me, was more often endearing than it wasn’t. Naruto had goals and a purpose and in early Naruto that was still clear.

What I hate about them:

Part 2 (Shippuden) Naruto. There’s a lot that goes into this but the core deviation is getting away from the underdog story. In Shippuden Naruto is the son of the 4th, the Child of Prophecy, a reincarnation of the Sage of Six Path’s kid, makes friends with Kurama, and has the most OP power of the them all: Talk no Jutsu. What makes all of this even worse is Naruto went from a loveable bratty kid to an insufferable messiah figure. To be “perfect” his natural personality is shorn down until he’s only allowed occasional “stupid” mistakes rather than mistakes that emerge from his characterization. This also makes his ideological “wins” with villains...completely meaningless. Shippuden Naruto doesn’t really...have beliefs. He wants to be hokage and bring Sasuke back to the village. “Being hokage” was fine as a kid but I expected the progression into shippuden to be “what kind of hokage do I want to be?” This seemed natural bc we get in the Wave arc Naruto pushing against “what a shinobi is supposed to be: a tool” from Haku and declaring he’d make his own ninja way. Flashforward to the chunin arcs: hates Orochimaru for messing with Sasuke (esp when he eventually leaves to join him) and Neji for treating Hinata the way he did until he learned more about the Hyuga before declaring it wasn’t fair and you had to fight against fate and destiny. Tsunade’s arc was more about reemphasizing the village was something worth protecting and the Sasuke retrieval arc, while focused on Sasuke, at least kept up this theme. But these moments of growth are only alluded to in shippuden and by the time the war arc and ending come around...nothing changes. Naruto didn’t upset the status quo, he only maintained it. And once that ending was established it was a lot easier to go back and pick out exactly when his characterization started to fall through and the weird messiah figure took over instead. Part of this, imo, is the focus of his ultimate goal being “bring Sasuke back to the village” rather than understand what Sasuke is doing/why he’s doing it and then deciding to help him or stop him. 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“You’re cute when you’re chubby” [in reference to the frog purse] 

I really love the quiet moments Naruto has and watching him live out his daily life. The frog purse is absolutely adorable and I love seeing it crop up time and time again. A close second is when Gai kicks Jiraiya in the face and, a short time later, offers Naruto the green tracksuit which he’s appreciative of. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

In Part 2 Naruto having a long-term goal alongside bringing Sasuke back to the village or trying to seriously think about why Sasuke does what he does and how that would potentially affect the plot. If I could go back to the very start, keeping the actual heart and intent of an underdog ninja story rather than everything turning into superpowered mecha/kaiju battles and aliens from space this is the big point that I’d want to address. In general, I really like fics that focus on training and give him a range of jutsu besides spamming shadow clones and rasengan variants. I’ve said this before, but if Naruto really wants to keep the “number 1 unpredictable ninja” moniker, learning a variety of small, diverse jutsu and using them in interesting/creative ways would be the way to go rather than spamming the aforementioned two. I also really like fics that buckle down and just go ham and create their own variety of jutsu, especially if it’s small practical jutsu rather than the latest and greatest OP Power #839281 kind of jutsu. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

The messiah figure. Talk no Jutsu. The obsession with having a morally pure hero in a world that routinely employed child soldiers and put them in war. I understand Naruto was a shonen manga first and foremost but like...this was the setting/world Kishimoto decided on having. However, I will say some fics take it to far on the other extreme for my taste, creating a edgy nihilistic Naruto that hates everyone and everything. 

Favorite pairing with:

Uhh...I don’t actually have a strong feeling for this one LOL. The most I’ve read has been SasuNaru (Sasuke x Naruto) because I’ve found really interesting set-ups. I like the ship and it does have a decent amount of backing in canon but it’s the little moments (or my ability to see possible little moments) that really make or break a ship for me. SasuNaru is all Big Declarations and I struggle to see how they’d actually settle down post Shippuden time into something sustainable. My favorite iterations of the ship is focused when they’re genin age and have a better relationship...but then I recognize that this is getting closer and closer to Hashimada. The other big things I run into with shipping Naruto with Sasuke is 1. Sasuke needs a shit ton of therapy/willingness to process his family related trauma and 2. Naruto needs a good support network/family outside of a romantic partner because it personally makes me uncomfortable to read ‘you’re my one and only’ (here being: I have no other friends, family, loved ones outside of you). It’s a ship that can work but it’s not my personal OTP.  

Favorite friendship:

Canon/OoT - Naruto & Sakura

I do have a softspot for fics where Naruto realizes his crush on Sakura is actually a desire to have friends/someone to care about him and then they do become close. In canon Sasuke was clearly the favorite of Kakashi (if chunin arc is kept the same/similar and he takes him away for the month to train) I really like Naruto and Sakura sticking together and trying to help each other. They’re both loud and can wind each other up but Naruto can help Sakura relax a bit from her rigid view of herself and she can help keep him on track/encourage him. 

NOTP:

Again, no real strong opinions here. Probably harems? I remember seeing a lot of those a couple years ago and I fundamentally dislike the harem so it will never be ‘done well’ to my personal taste. 

Favorite headcanon:

Naruto is smart, he just needs things to be explained in a way he can understand. 

I’m not a fan of ‘he’s the smartest person in the entire world’ trope but Naruto is creative, he created the oiroke jutsu before he graduated to genin and has a lot of stubborn determination. He’s just really bad at typical ‘book learning’ and traditional testing and he’s not a genius/prodigy like Sasuke or Neji.

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Read line for BNHA manga spoilers

Izuku

What I love about them:

He’s such a smart kid and while he’s unsure/insecure about himself he still does his best. Honestly the premise of BNHA is amazing and I was so excited to watch this little quirky (heh) boy do his best and outthink heroes, utilizing his intelligence and knowledge of quirks. I really love early Izuku and how he has to approach situations from a different angle bc he grew up quirkless/can’t properly handle OFA. The sports festival arc remains one of my personal favorites and really showed his ingenuity. I also really love that Izuku is openly emotional, he cries, he gets super happy about things, he’s angry, he’s sad, etc.  

What I hate about them:

Why do stories insist on calling themselves “underdogs” when for a majority of the time, they’re not? Or not as much as they would be from the original premise? Look, TDP came about exactly bc BNHA was billed as ‘quirkless boy becomes number 1 hero’ it changed rapidly into ‘Izuku gets the strongest quirk but can’t control it’ and while I was...disappointed with that, it happened so quickly I wasn’t really upset. Fast forward to apparently OFA has...what seven(?) quirks inside it and I just...it’s frustrating. Even more the longer we go the more Izuku strays away from a character that is forced to use his intelligence and creatively outthink his opponents and instead becomes...I just have to hit him harder! The Muscular fight already inched towards this but the Overhaul fight just felt like Super Shonen Smack-down 728329. Which, isn’t an inherent problem, it just doesn’t match up to the expectations I had about BNHA I had at the start and how I hoped the series would go. For a character trait that I hate: Izuku is stupidly self-sacrificing. It makes sense with his character but he shoots beyond what is safe and reasonable and I wish there would be more internal emphasis on the question “is it better to save one person today if it meant I couldn’t save ten people tomorrow?” I think he’d choose the former or forsake the question altogether (we touched briefly on this during the overhaul arc with Eri) but I think it’s a serious question needs to be touched on (or I just need to go back and rewatch things again LOL) 

Favorite Moment/Quote:

See entire sports festival arc. I don’t really have a favorite moment because I love the entire arc and we get so much out of it. 

What I would like to see more focus on:

Quirkless Izuku. There’s already a lot of fics, but I really do love them. It deviates a bit, but I do like the creativity of giving Izuku his own unique quirk and then exploring what he can do with that/how it changes canon. Really I want Izuku to keep his original characterization and not trade his smarts for more punching power or deus ex machinas for quirks hidden inside of OFA. If OFA!Izuku is kept, I like story ideas where he still has to rely on means outside of his quirk. Preferably this is isn’t because he injuries himself so much, but I like toying with the idea that Izuku never gets OFA to All Might’s level so he really does have to make the quirk his own and still rely heavily on his intelligence and quirk journals to become the number 1. 

What I would like to see less focus on:

Quirks hidden inside OFA. Strength should have been enough, it was already billed as the most powerful quirk of all. I know this is a common theme for shonen stories, and I don’t mean to harp specifically on Izuku, but again the premise of BNHA was an underdog story. 

Favorite pairing with:

Tododeku (Todoroki Shouto x Midoriya Izuku) 

Friends to lover and battle couples lads, I am weak to them. I like the contrast between their personalities as well as origins (Shouto being the number 2′s (now 1) kid and Izuku from a quiet civilian background). At the end of the sports festival arc both of them are extremely well characterized and it’s easy for me to imagine how their relationship progresses from there and how they can support each other and help each other grow. It’s a very sweet and wholesome ship the way I write and read it and it’s v cute.

Favorite friendship:

Canon- Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochaco & Iida Tenya

I really like the core trio and think their interactions are really sweet. They balance each other out well and their friendship was immediately believable to me. I also like later when Tsuyu and Shouto start to get included in the group and out of the “main” core friends I’m endlessly entertained whenever Izuku and Tokoyami interact with one another. (This is also because I love my bird son, but you know.)

TDP - Midoriya Izuku & Ashido Mina or Midoriya Izuku & Hatsume Mei

Really, I love all of TDP’s kiddos interactions. Their chemistry is one of my favorite things about the fic and all the villain school kiddos meshed really well and had hilarious interactions. Mina and Mei are my faves but just barely. Mina came out of left field for the fic but she plays a similar role that Ochaco does in canon as a usual source of positivity (but unlike Ochaco with additional chaos). She’s Izuku’s first real friend even before starting HIVVE and wouldn’t hesitate to call Izuku her cousin as she views him as family. In return, Mina’s someone Izuku can completely count and depend on if necessary. Mei is...Mei. Izuku is her best “useful customer” and it’s actually terrifying how similar their thoughts are, just Mei has an (un)healthy dose of Hazmat’s insanity and her own business acumen added into the mix. They have slightly different fields of interest but are intellectual equals that work well together and that’s something new to both of them.

NOTP:

Bakudeku (Bakugo Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku)

It’s unhealthy. Unless it’s an AU that changes what the start of their relationship is like, Bakugo and Izuku will always have a toxic friendship to me and I can’t ever see them in a healthy relationship. Both of them have a lot to learn and I am of the opinion that Bakugo should get the opportunity to grow and become a good person and leave behind his past as a bully. However, I’m also of the opinion that no matter how good of a person a bully becomes their victim is never required to absolve them of past wrongdoings. Izuku and Bakugo were friends once, their relationship turned toxic, and now it’s in the interest of both of them to grow apart from one another. I even hesitate to really say they’ll be friends again because the early characterization of their relationship was so imbalanced to me, but for the right author and the right work I may see them being on good terms. It’s still a romantic relationship that I dislike. 

Favorite headcanon:

Crack headcanon? Izuku does have a natural quirk, the force of his tears is clearly superpowered 😂 Regular headcanon, (that is canon in TDP and kindaaa in regular canon(?)) when Izuku gets really engrossed in a super stressful fight he focuses on what will work rather than what is moral. It has...mixed results. 

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For the ask game. 

[gccdnews]

Did you see JESSICA DREW from MARVEL walking around Limbo? The CISFEMALE looks like ALICIA VIKANDER, and is NINETY SEVEN years old. I’ve heard she can be VIRTUOUS & WITTY but also COCKSURE & REACTIVE. When I think of them I think of HELPING THE INNOCENT BY HOSPITALIZING THE GUILTY, RAISING SPIDER-BABY, THE GREATEST QUIPS OF ALL TIME BITCHCAKES. They’ve been here WITHOUT their memories as an PI & FIGHTER at BAKER STREET INVESTIGATIONS & UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB for SIX MONTHS. I heard they’re seeking a sanctum.

// whew. jess has a history™. it's long af and spans nearly a century so im not gonna go into crazy detail, but it's still lengthy. and i'm also gonna modify just a bit to fit in with the mcu for plotting reasons and stuff. if you don’t really care about her full history then there’s some bullet points toward the bottom.

she was born in england in 1924 and brought as a small child to the transia (it's a small, fictional slavic country) where her father was conducting research. unfortunately due to her being a small child, she contracted uranium poisoning from her father's work and had to be placed in a cryogenic chamber and treated with radiation and a highly experimental serum derived from the blood/genes of various species of spider.

she spent decades in stasis, educated subliminally with special tapes. when she was finally awakened she had only aged into her early teens, but she'd developed superhuman abilities.

grew up, moved away, met a dude, fell in love, then accidentally killed him with her powers. so yeah that kinda torments her still to this day. well, when she still remembered it anyway.

got recruited into hydra who she was led to believe were the good guys, had her memories suppressed, was told the high evolutionary basically a "god" figure, idek evolved her from a spider into a human woman, had an agent pretend to fall in love with her, etc etc. basically got gaslit and brainwashed into becoming a high ranking member until she was put out on a field assignment and told to assassinate nick fury. during the mission he told her what hydra really was and she dropped their asses.

got her memories back from mordred the mystic, then lived in a shitty apartment in london for a while. ended up breaking into a convenience store across the street at one point to get some food, but got noticed by shield agent jerry hunt who pretty much hounded her until she dyed her hair and created a secret identity to hide from him

did the hero thing for a while, moved to l.a., dated jerry, became a bounty hunter, moved to san francisco, became a p.i., superhero'd some more, met carol danvers 😍

went on a mission to finally take down longtime archenemy morgan le fay, and did so, but not before some morgan did some magic shit and separated her soul from her body ?? so she goes to the sorcerer magnus and has him cast a spell to make everyone who ever met her forget she existed.

not long later she was found and revived by two hero pals, breaking the spell, but she was left comatose. dr strange gets involved, abra cadabra, jess ain't a cadava'. but she is however, powerless.

continued working as a p.i. until an encounter with the new spider-woman mattie franklin somehow restored her powers, which came back slowly and were very unstable. meets jessica jones, accidentally zaps tf out of her, then works with her to save the new spider-woman.

eventually struck a deal with hydra to spy within shield so she could get her powers back but the skrull queen veranke was behind it and manipulating her so she could learn to perfectly impersonate jessica. jess ended up held captive for two years aboard a skrull spaceship while veranke took her place.

she and the rest of the captives got saved but because of the havoc veranke wreaked, she didn't exactly receive a warm welcome back.

spent some time rebuilding her reputation until she was invited to join the avengers (for avengers 1 in the mcu, let's say). they did some good work and she eventually fell for clint/hawkeye. they dated a while but things went sideways when he cheated on her (but obvs that's subject to change depending on who picks him up, just leaving that in for now bc it seems kinda noteworthy).

skipping comic spider-verse stuff bc how does that work with the rp, idek.

left the avengers after that and mostly stayed out of their business so she wasn't around for ultron or civil war and instead got back to her roots with some good ol fashioned p.i. work. may have crossed paths with the defenders and other street level heroes during this period.  

then of course, came the snap. jess was one of the ones that vanished. using this instead of her death during secret wars in the comics. when everyone came back she joined all the others to fight thanos and damn right she was part of that moment with all the female heroes like she should have fucking been irl.

when things settled down after y'know, dying, she realized that she wanted to be a mother and raise a child, and almost never got that chance. instead of waiting, she got herself artificially inseminated. which was good too tbh because like, look at her luck with men and imagine getting stuck in one of those relationships she'd been in so far. way better off doing it on her own smh

got invited to an alpha flight maternity ward by her captain marvel but when she went there it ended up getting overrun by skrulls and being super fucking pregnant she called carol for help, but the maternity ward was apparently in a black hole?? bc ofc it was lol. so jess protected all the women there, had an emergency c-section to give birth to her son gerry, then popped right off the table to finish kicking skrull ass. carol got there just in time for jess to collapse into her arms after the fight. headcanon — there was always a crush there but this was the moment jess fell hard.

had a liiittle teensy falling out with carol tho so she ended up kissing roger gocking/porcupine right in front of her during a battle that ended up repairing their friendship. then she went on to have a party announcing she and roger were dating but lbr she did most of this sub/consciously hoping to get a rise out of carol. but her spider-baby ended up crawling out a window and roger was the one to find and save him and there were some actual feelings there too, so. complicated. she kind of distanced herself from everything else to focus on p.i. work and raising her son.

not much later, jess realized her radiation immunity was gone and her powers were killing her, so she had roger take gerry to an upstate farm in case her condition could potentially harm her son, then set out on the search for a cure. that search of course, leading her to limbo city, nevada.

upon her arrival however, her memories quickly started to fade and by the time she woke up the next morning she had no specific recollection of memories. just innate and instinctive knowledge like her emotions toward people she was familiar with, emotional trauma that manifests mostly in her dreams, maternal instincts/yearning, her abilities both physical and learned, her interests and likes/dislikes, etc. things that come naturally to her, for the most part.

interestingly though, the town’s magic seems to have cured her??

gonna say she speaks english, romanian, german, hungarian, symkarian, russian, bulgarian, polish and spanish fluently, and knows a bit about a number of other languages.

incredibly intelligent, she is after all the daughter of a genius, raised among scientists conducting research, and her knowledge/intelligence was only maximized by her stasis education tapes.

exudes a high concentration of pheromones that can attract or repulse people, to put it simply. and ignore the original heteronormative connotations bc women aren't typically the ones she wants to repulse, and men arent always the ones she wants to attract. it's difficult to control but she learned over the years. even now without her memories she has innate control over it, but if she manages to work up a sweat (which isn't all that easy for her tbh) or misses a shower or two, well… it's gonna kick in.

she probably can't do it anymore in limbo because she can't remember how, but with her pheromones she learned to control them so well she was able to elicit fear, anxiety, attraction, hatred, pleasure, etc. and even used them to convince the hulk to make her a sandwich once.

fucking loves butter. she's been known to eat the stuff straight up. and a lot of it. lucky thing she has a spider-metabolism.

hc: she loves making puns, especially spider related ones. she also likes to annoy her spider-friends by spider-throwing the word spider in front of everything though it's obviously a joke, unlike in her cartoon where im pretty sure she was dead serious lol

hates rats. so much. she will tear down a whole skrull army but if one shapeshifts into a rat it's over okay, she already lost.

allergic to flerkens. which is great for visiting her bestie/crush, and her pet flerken chewie.

still has her suit but hasn’t worn it yet in limbo. she found it under her bed a couple days after “waking up” in limbo but put it right back because she figured it was probably some weird sex thing and maybe wasn’t even hers so, gross, yknow?

[tanoraqui]

I just wanted you to know that I just read all your hellmurder castle 'verse posts and I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCH

what you have to understand about my Hellmurder Castle AU (Homestuck set in the world of Girl Genius, if you haven’t read it) is that it was born specifically from my spite exasperation with all the long, epic AUs about either only the trolls or the trolls + beta kids, with alpha kids appearing as background characters at best and often not at all. Many of these fics are great, and many of them were written or at least planned before the alpha kids even appeared in canon, in which case it’s not the authors’ faults at all. But I LOVE my alpha kids, and Roxy may be my favorite and Dirk is a delight, but I was ALSO tired to tears of how even in fics featuring the alpha kids, it was almost always Derse-heavy.

So I basically said “fuck it”, yeeted them all into the world of Girl Genius (which was inevitable), figured out the torrid backstory of the beta kids and ancestors and how the dancestors and trolls fit in, and set about focussing the plot and character development exclusively on the alpha kids, particularly Jake and Jane. Particularly particularly Jake, because a) I thought him more underappreciated than Jane, and b) the idea of a Heroic Adventurer who constantly has to resist his own reflex to be a minion is fucking funny.

Let’s elaborate, shall we? Because I’m okay again, after the epilogue. I have forgiven. So, the hypothetical pfennig novels/fics in a series:

Jake English: Escape from Castle Lalonde

In which Jake leaves home, and meets a number of interesting people.

covers from basically that scene of Roxy capturing him through Jake escaping with Jane, and them agreeing to be adventuring partners. A lot of the middle consists of Jake helping Roxy and Dirk win back Roxy’s ancestral home of Castle Lalonde, defeating whatever villainous spark - probably an OC - had taken up residence.

Jake means to leave, but Roxy and Dirk need help cleaning up, and getting their labs running, and with interesting projects…and possibly they put a shock collar on him so he can’t leave the grounds…or at least tell him that’s what the collar does, and prove it, like, twice, and then turn it off because they don’t actually want him crippled in an emergency; mostly he’s just a great minion and Roxy is pretty sure he’s destined to be part of their team for defeating the Batterwitch, as laid out in the obscure and highly metaphorical prophecy her mother left her in a wizard book.

this is not at all good ground for either friendship or a healthy minion/master relationship, which is why Jake is pretty damn game to help Jane escape and then run away with her.

Jake English and the Red Miles

in which…I actually have barely any memory of wtf is supposed to happen in this one. Presumably, they have to survive the Red Miles at some point, with some ridiculous series of revivificationsthe trolls show up at Jake and Jane’s camp (okay fine, I love them, too), and after some alarmed mutual weapon-pointing, explain that Jake’s grandmother, Lady English, made them after Jake left, except now she’s died so they’ve come to find Jake and either bring him home or, at least, join his adventuring team and keep him safe

(yeah, Jade instilled some loyalty, which is Sketch. In fairness, when she lost control of the original generation of trolls, all her best friends were killed and/or disappeared, presumed dead. she has reasons)

I wonder if there was supposed to be a timeskip between this and the previous book, or if Escape from Castle Lalonde happened later into Jake going out adventuring than I think, or if Jade just got bored and made 12 new people like…3 hours after Jake left home

for pacing, the trolls should probably show up pretty early in this story, so they have a long time to be around before shit hits the fan

a lot of this book, aside from whatever shenanigans they’re dealing with re: Red Miles, would be Jake dealing with the fact that he is suddenly responsible for 12 people who keep looking to him for orders, and somewhere in the distance is an entire town (Hellmurder Village) that’s likewise.

they do not go back to the Castle at the end of this book, even though they arguably should bc Jake has responsibilities. But he also has adventuring to do, by golly, and…hm, it’s one of the Rings that causes the Red Miles, isn’t it? So maybe they get it at the end of this book, and now they have to track down the other one. Which brings us to…

Jake English and the Rings of Skaia

In which Jake and Jane (and Roxy and Dirk, and 12 young trolls) explore a castle, learn a little history, and generally level up their friendshipsI split up the aspects of Castle Heterodyne in this au: Jake has the recently inherited Castle with the terrifying, nigh-magical power source buried in its depths, and Jane has the abandoned derelict that is fully sentient, most automated, and even more malicious than it is trapped. This is the story of that castle, and the Ring of Life hidden somewhere in it

Jack Noir. The castle’s sentience is Jack Noir. Or perhaps more accurately Spades Slick? Who cares.

I had a very elaborate mythology/history thought up at some point about the twin spark queens of Derse and Prospit and their great enmity, and the saga of betrayal and heroism that marked their reigns and left behind this castle and two super magical scientific rings of power, and I do not remember ANY of it now.

This is the bit where that scene of Dirk ripping out Vriska’s soul comes from. He and Roxy are here for the fabled treasure as well - possibly the castle only appears/is accessible at certain specific times? And they don’t know the trolls are with Jake, so…clusterfuck, there.

Jake English and the Troll Queen

in which the big bad is reveeled

there’s trouble brewing in the countryside, idk, monsters or pirates or something that can be traced, after some investigative heroing, to the self-styled Her Imperial Condescension, still unfortunately at large

mostly this fic is Jake growing into leadering a little more but also addressing the question of that inbuilt loyalty Jade gave this generation of trolls, because really, that was Sketch - and in general, who are we as people defined by who we follow, what groups we ally ourselves with; is it birth or genetics or who raised us or the family we choose or…

i kinda think Dirk and Roxy are conducting concurrent but generally not overlapping investigations to Jake&Jane’s(+the trolls) (dirk and roxy having pretty neatly answered all the above questions years ago by choosing each other, but still being kind of insular about it, and need to relax just enough to trust other people)

in the end there’s some confrontation with the Condesce and she convinces ½-2/3 the trolls to join her bc, honestly, why shouldn’t they

Jake English and the Castle in the Lake

in which…okay, in this one bit of fic I implied her base was in the ocean but I totally had this title written somewhere, so what is the truth??

in the above linked scene, the trolls who stayed with Jake and Jane were Karkat, Terezi, Kanaya, Gamzee, and Feferi, but idk about that. If Feferi’s there, why isn’t Sollux? And, like, Aradia would probably have just fucked off in her own direction completely, given the chance…

our heroes are trying to sneak into HIC’s base and disable it, okay. that is the plot of this one. probably they have to find it first, which is tricky, and basically a D&D dungeon crawl, and that’s before Jane gets tiara’d. Which definitely happens climactically. and then everyone else gets captured, with the possible exception of Dirk, who probably gets beheaded instead. things do not look good for our heroes…

Jake English and the Lost Hero

in which we find out exactly what happened in the previous generation

maybe even alternating chapters, past/present? 

what happened basically is that the first generation of trolls, the Ancestors, went absolutely batshit roughly as per homestuck canon. The Condesce, being OP, started just conquering land. She was stopped, eventually, mostly by the epic sacrifice of Rose and Dave. And John…except Rose and Dave’s bodies were found, and in a clusterfuck of inventions warping time and space and reality itself, John’s never was

Jade survived, of course. obviously.

John did, too, it is revealed. He was just disconnected from the time-space continuum, stuck popping up in random times and places, sometimes close to those he loved and sometimes not, mostly uncontrollable…

he’s appeared here and there throughout the stories, probably, a mysterious figure in blue who nearly has time to say something before dissolving into fizzing wind. Now he appears more frequently, and for longer periods as the story goes on, including just enough to help break Roxy and Jake out of prison. And whichever trolls were stubbornly sticking with them - if the Condesce wasn’t just mind-controlling all the reluctant ones…let’s be real, she was…lotta “I know you’re in there somewhere” fights here, probably

also, Vriska reveals herself to still be trying to help our heroes, because it is SO Vriska to try to double-cross Her fucking Imperious Condescension

this double-cross is revealed partly from her using Jake’s minioning safeword that he developed with Grandma Jade, way back when; meaning roughly “I don’t want to do this but I’m not sure I can stop”. It’s pumpkin, of course.

they revivify Dirk on the way out, and either stop in the Condesce’s lab to get sparkily distracted trying to pin John into reality or they make it back to Hellmurder Castle before doing that?

What am I saying. The Condesce is probably working on some spacetime-warping tech of her own, and Roxy, Dirk, and Jake use it to fully anchor John for the first time in…who knows, subjectively? It’s possible he stays behind to buy them time to run

Jake English and the Battle for the Green Sun

in which things come to a head

aka the Battle for Hellmurder Castle, and it’s mysterious and terrible power source

Jane and half or so of the trolls start out on the Condesce’s side, but if you thought there were good “I know you’re in there” fights before, just WAIT until Jake saves Jane with the power of friendship

ultimately, it’s alpha kids + Alternian trolls + dancestor-clanks VS Her Imperial Condescension

it’s close

it’s very close

I would have krilled for an H–EIR—ESS CHALLENGE X3 COMBO, ie, Jane, Feferi, and Meenah vs. the Condesce, so that happens

John maybe appears one last time-displaced time, for him before the events of Lost Hero, to deliver a well-timed hammer swing

I love Jake, but I’ll give Homestuck this one: Roxy getting the final blow with an ancestral Strider sword? Perfect.

in the denoument Jake awkwardly invites everyone to live in Hellmurder Castle, because he feels vaguely like he should stay and look after it, and of course he wants his chums around. Jane, Roxy, and Dirk are all like, “well, a real lab or seven would be amazing…but also…adventuring. Why don’t YOU come with US?” Jake is like, “oh JEEPERS yes!” The trolls and dancestors meanwhile talk out among themselves who genuinely wants to stay and who wants to go out adventuring, either with these idiots or just to make their own way

[hajimesh]

lokasenna pt. 17

word count: 2k

pairing: jötunn!loki x healer!reader

summary: the council wants answers after what happened and loki has had enough.

a/n: one more to go! sorry for the delay, i have been pretty busy bc of uni. masterlist can be found in my bio :)

- Sautján -

After Loki unlocked the gates, a horde of guards, Lords and some council members swarmed into the room.

The first thing they noticed was the lifeless body of Angrboda lying on the floor, surrounded by a poodle of her blood and her eyes still open.

“What happened here!?” One of the Lords asked but his question remained unanswered.

Loki’s face grew stoic as he addressed everyone in the room. “Let the rest of the council know an emergency meeting will be held in five minutes.”

Most of the Lords, who knew they couldn’t attend, grumbled under their breaths before leaving the throne room as the guards took the body out of the room, your eyes focused on the corpse until it disappeared behind the doors.

Loki took a few strides towards you and cupped your face between his hands, his eyes seemed distraught and you could feel his uneasiness.

“Do you want me?” His voice was hoarse but his eyes didn’t leave yours. “Do you see a future with me?” His question had a slightly desperate tone and even though you didn’t know why was he asking you this, you knew what you felt.

“I do.”

He visibly relaxed, his eyes glinting and a smile setting on his lips. “That is all I need.”

He looked up from your eyes and you watched as he searched between the crowds for someone.

“Viðblindi!” Loki called the healer who quickly made his way to you. “Please make sure she’s safe until I finish here.” You frowned but said nothing, Loki kept looking for someone until he spotted them. “Ægir, you should attend this reunion. There are matters that might concern you.”

You saw Ægir’s face grow serious as he nodded. When he noticed you were looking at him he gave you a reassuring smile as you felt Viðblindi pulling you away from the scene, urging you to go to your chambers to keep you safe as Loki had demanded.

You looked over your shoulder only to watch Loki walk up the steps and sit on his throne and before you could hear anything the gates closed.

*     *     *     *

“And well?” one of the giants in the room broke the silence.

Loki took a deep breath and took a moment to choose his words carefully. “Angrboda came into this room with a dagger and tried, multiple times, to kill me and the healer with it,” he dared to look briefly at their reactions but they seemed unfazed. “She also closed the doors with magic, locking the guard out of the room.”

With a nod of his head, Loki urged the guard, who witnessed it all, to step forward and confirm the statement.

The guard nodded back and then spoke. “That is true.”

“How do we know it’s true?” Another jötunn cut in and the rest started to murmur words of agreement. “Only you, the Asgardian and the Princess were in the room. And how convenient Angrboda is the one who is dead.”

Loki clenched his hands into fists but remained neutral. He knew that was bound to happen. “I would never lie in these kind of matters.”

“Oh, and in which kind you do lie?”

Snickers could be heard and Loki felt his patience flickering. Ægir noticed and chose to interject in his defense.

“If I may,” he spoke cautiously and when he faced no resistance from the council he continued. “The healers could run a necropsy on Angrboda’s body. Find any anomalies or traces of dark magic.”

This time the crowd remained silent. They seemed to actually consider his idea which, Loki had to admit, was a good one. Finally, the first jötunn spoke again but it was directed at Loki.

“Fine. But keep your Asgardian away. The procedure will be done with jötunn hands.”

Loki sighed in relief.

“Now, why would Angrboda deem your healer a threat to the extent to try to kill her.” The same jötunn spoke, saying out loud the question no one dared to ask, at least not in front of Loki.

“She felt threatened.”

The jötunn’s face scrunched up, confused by Loki’s words. “Why would she feel threatened by a mere Asgardian?”

There was no way of sugar-coating the truth and Loki had no other option but to confess. “Because I care for her. She thought I’d make her my Queen instead of her.”

“That is ridiculous,” another jötunn spoke, disbelief clear in their tone. “Is it not, your Majesty?”

Loki was starting to feel tired of this. “I don’t see how is that any of your concern. If I am interested or not in her it should not matter.”

“Of course it matters,” another jötunn interjected, his crimson eyes burning with rage. “Our biggest quarrel is with the Asgardians. If you care more for her than for the well-being of your people then what are you doing here?”

“Should we not be discussing where did Angrboda get access to dark magic?” Loki tried to steer the discussion back to the main concern. “Ægir is one of the few jötnar with access to magic, perhaps he can do some research about what were her plans and the kind of people she was involved with?”

But the council was not having it.

“We will not accept the healer as our Queen. In fact, she will go back to Asgard and never return. She has done enough damage, now we must find another suitable giantess for the throne.”

Loki looked at Ægir with exasperation but the jötunn only gave him a sad look.

There was no way of winning this so he weighed his options.

Stay, marry someone he’d never feel a connection with, keep putting up with these annoying people but be King. Or go back to Asgard, give you and him a chance, get to see Frigga again but he’d never have a crown on his head.

It was time for a sacrifice.

*     *     *     *

“Are you out of your mind?” You yelled bewildered at what he had just said.

He frowned as he felt you push him away. “I thought you’d be delighted, my dear.”

Loki came back from the meeting and the first thing he told you was that he was abdicating the throne and going back to Asgard so you could be together.

“Your place is here! On the throne!” Your hands flew around, exasperation radiating off of you.

“They have been very clear,” he paused, the memory sour in his head. “They will not accept an Asgardian as their Queen.”

“Loki, we don’t even know how this,” you said pointing between him and you. “Will turn out.”

“Our feelings, our relationship looks bad under this society rules,” he tried to persuade you, trying to show you how useless it was for him to stay. “There is nothing for us here.”

After stating his decision to the council, Loki felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew he was making the right decision, he couldn’t wait to get out of that hostile planet and go back to Asgard’s warmth. All he needed was the green light from you.

“Let’s go home, my love,” taking your hands in his, he looked into your eyes and tried to convince you once again, smiling reassuringly at you.

“Are you one hundred percent sure?” you couldn’t deny the offer was very tempting. Going back home was everything you had wanted ever since you set foot in Utgard but it wasn’t fair to Loki. You knew how much he had desired the title. “I will not be the reason why Loki Laufeyson ditched his birthright.”

He shook his head and squeezed your hands before kissing them on the back.

“I am very sure.”

“What about Angrboda?” Your frown appeared once again, your head could not forget the way she had looked as she made the door of the throne room close. “She wielded magic! That’s a very rare occurrence for a jötunn.”

“They said they would look into it but I highly doubt so.” He shrugged his shoulders and noticed his words instead of calming you were only making you more concerned. “They are more focused in getting someone to pull them out of their misery no matter the cost, which is why is suspect they’ll let it slip.”

You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to it.

“Pack your things and let me know when you’re done.” Loki pecked you on your cheek and then made his way to your door.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to make sure our transportation is ready.” He winked an eye and smiled mischievously at you, making you frown.

What was he up to?

But before you could further question him about it, he was already opening the door so he could make his way to his chambers, leaving you to unpack on your own.

“Hurry up, my darling!”

*     *     *     *

“I will miss you, dear.” Ægir’s arms squeezed you, barely letting you breathe.

You pulled away from each other and gave him a smile. “Thank you for your friendship, Ægir. Know that you are welcome to visit us in Asgard.” You momentarily switched your gaze to Viðblindi who stood next to Ægir and smiled at him. “The same goes to you, Viðblindi.”

You watched as Ægir placed his arm around him and pulled him closer, smiling down at him since Viðblindi was around two inches shorter than him and then kissed the top of his head.

You felt slightly thrown off by their interaction and as you were to comment something Ægir beat you to it.

“We were supposed to tell you soon but with all of this going on there was never a good time to do so.” He briefly grinned at you before looking back at the jötunn healer under his arm.

Loki’s eyebrows raised, he clearly was not expecting that.

“How could you hide this from me!?” Your eyes narrowed at them as you crossed your arms in front of you. “Though now that I think of it I should’ve noticed,” you shook your head wanting to seem upset but the hint of a smile betrayed you. “I’m happy for you, I truly am.”

Loki congratulated them and gently guided you to a certain spot on the ground. You were standing on the top of a small hill with your belongings on your backs and both Ægir and Vidblindi had kindly offered transportation so you wouldn’t have to walk and also made sure you arrived safely.

Loki turned around to face both jötnar and gave them a tight-lipped smile.

“Farewell,” he stretched his hand with theirs before switching his eyes to Ægir and gave him a court nod.“And Ægir? You are welcome in Asgard anytime you wish to visit. You and Viðblindi, of course. No hard feelings left.”

Ægir’s broad smile was contagious and made you smile, although you had no idea he was about to almost screw everything up. “Thank you, Loka–”

“Don’t you dare.”

With a murderous look, Loki stopped him and both Ægir and you laughed as you felt Loki slip his hand around your waist and pull you against his side.

“Heimdall!” He yelled to the skies and then looked down at you and smirked. “Open the Bifrost.”

Your heart pounded wildly, anxious to land on Asgard, home, after the longest and coldest weeks of your life.

Blinding colors wrapped around your bodies and the blurry sight of your friends quickly faded as you soared through the universe, your hands clutching tightly at Loki’s. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched you marvel at the galaxies around you. Feeling his own heart soar inside his body he squeezed your hand, successfully catching your attention.

You lifted your head and looked at him, the colors of the universe shinning on your eyes making you the most beautiful sight Loki had seen in centuries.

Seconds later your feet landed on a hard surface and the colors dissipated, a golden room taking its place and then your eyes landed on Asgard’s gatekeeper who stood at the same place he was when you left.

And that was when you knew,

that you were at home.

· · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · 

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marvel tag list: @for-the-love-of-the-fandom

[pekorosu]

no.6 novels thinky thoughts

--------

so… i ended up finishing all 9 vols in about a week haha.

my overall impression? it was… alright, i guess.

not that i didn’t enjoy it, in fact, the first half was great! by the time i reached the end though, i had mixed feelings. sat on it for a week or so but a lot of it remains a vague hhhmmmmmblah blob that i’m not done figuring out. 

i still wanna make a post as a form of closure for myself though, so i’m just gonna dump whatever comes to mind here. don’t mind me.

so... the ending. i guess it was supposed to be open-ended in a hopeful way, but it just came across as unsettling to me. the ~chosen one~ thing rubbed me the wrong way, because shion was entrusted with an enormous responsibility that no 16 year old should even be shouldering in the first place. (i mean yea okay he did willingly accept it, but still. why only him? why aren’t they all collectively responsible?) 

meanwhile the actual perpetrators get to escape all the consequences by just… dying. just like that. and the rest of them, especially the adults… they’re pretty much useless? even the ones that wanted to do something by staging a revolt ended up being unreliable either bc 1. they were drunk on revenge or 2. all that power was getting to their head. ironically, rou was like “it’s all on us, the adults” but in the end even he decided to just spend the rest of his life chilling out underground -_-

on top of that, shion had to let go of nezumi. idk about y’all but that ending, that “promise to meet again” kiss was like… i couldn’t help but wonder if nezumi only did that because shion was all “a world without you is meaningless” and he had to give him something to cling onto. followed by shion’s devoted “i’ll keep waiting” which… idk, something about it felt utterly depressing. to be fair, nezumi always keeps his promises and the epilogue was vaguely hopeful i guess, but it still didn’t give me the sense of closure that i needed. 

to clarify, i’m not saying it’s a bad ending. it’s realistic and the implication that there’s still a lot of work to be done is very much in line with the story’s themes. just that something about it didn’t work for me personally, plus the lead up to it felt rushed, so it left me feeling :/ when i was done.

the plot… well, it started out exciting but turned out to be rather anticlimactic? the shift from science to supernatural had a proper build up, but still felt like a letdown for some reason… 

i think... maybe it’s bc dystopian stories tend to culminate in a huge battle and stuff like that, while this one just… didn’t. there was no final showdown with the Big Bad. there was chaos, but it hadn’t descended into total devastation yet, with the ultimate message that maintaining peace is always more preferable in order to prevent any more senseless deaths. and i guess that threw me off a little? not in a bad way, it was just unexpected bc i’m so used to the whole “final boss” format.

speaking of which, the antagonists were very one-dimensional, and for dictators they were surprisingly… weak. i mean, i get that hubris was precisely the reason for their carelessness and subsequent destruction, but it felt too convenient, too simple.

and i was sorta expecting something more gruesome when they got to the top floor of the correctional facility. idk, i guess brains floating in tubes just couldn’t compare with that scene of them climbing a mountain of corpses+half-alive people, which i had the misfortune of reading right before dinner. that was straight up horror.

and for all its depiction of the horrors of a police state, of poverty, famine, genocide… i felt like it stopped short of something. this isn’t meant to be a proper critique ofc, just that i remember feeling like the writing came across as wishy-washy or superficial at times, even though i knew the author’s intention wasn’t to hand out answers, but to get the readers to think. something about the way it was handled left me feeling unsatisfied i guess. 

that said, there were stuff that i did like! eg. i liked how the story dealt with the “we’re all human beings” statement from shion. it started out as a simple, idealistic “all lives matter” kind of thing, only to be turned on its head when he comes face-to-face with the kind of atrocities no.6 has committed. then it becomes less about that and more “our shared humanity means that we too have the capability to become cruel and apathetic.” or at least, that was my takeaway. 

hmm… in hindsight, i think it does what it set out to do well enough. that is, to convey a certain message to a certain group of people (teenagers i guess. this is YA after all). to inspire them to think for themselves, to realise that apathy is dangerous and to take responsibility for their own learning, but also to know that doing the “right” thing is not just about good intentions; it is constant hard work but still important work... among others. all of which are solid themes and messages. god knows when i was younger and learning about all this for the first time, even the simplest things would leave me mindblown for days. if i’d read this back then i imagine it would’ve left a bigger impression too.

the main highlight for me though, was probably the character scenes. i was surprised to find out how introspective the story was, with the majority of it dedicated to the characters’ internal thoughts and conflicts. 

sadly though, the side charas’ POVs (like inukashi’s and karan’s) ended up becoming tediously repetitive and draggy despite starting out strong. and safu… poor safu, she pretty much got the shortest end of the shit stick being the Plot Device Damsel In Distress Who Is Eventually Fridged. i had higher hopes for her ):

as for the rest… i don’t really care about rikiga… and who else… oh right! small nezumi team! hamlet, cravat and tsukiyo. 10/10 love them, would never get tired of their cute little squeaks.

and the protags… shion started out kinda bland but ended up being the easiest to relate to haha. eg. his constant struggle to reconcile his personal ideals with practical reality. and it was interesting to see how he confronted and came to terms with some harsh truths. he always tries so hard. sometimes it hurt to read, but it made me want to root for him and in a way, it gave me strength too. 

also his apparent “lack of interest” in sex/women/etc... i know it’s generally played for laughs or to highlight his ~naivete~ or ~immaturity~, but whatever lol it’s something i can relate to it v strongly.

nezumi took a while for me to warm up to even when i understood why he is the way he is. the callousness, hostility, volatility… they’re all defense mechanisms rooted in his trauma, but still, knowing that didn’t make him any less irritating lol. he could be deeply hypocritical at times and his tendency to randomly explode at shion was grating. on the plus side, it’s always very satisfying whenever we do get a glimpse of his more vulnerable side.

them as a pair though… i’m not a huge fan of the “fate brought us together” trope so i was skeptical at first. nezumi being so prickly and moody at first didn’t help either, but shion. oh shion, he tried so hard to worm himself into nezumi’s heart, to prove himself worthy, that i couldn’t help but be charmed. to me, they started out more like “snarky senpai and curious kouhai” as opposed to “friends” or even “potential enemies” as nezumi liked to insist they were, which made for an amusing dynamic. 

and while they did grow on me over time, they don’t make me feel that INTENSE CHEST STABBING feeling that i get with other ships. idk why, i mean, their sarcastic exchanges were amusing, their brutally honest arguments were compelling, and the pining (which is my #1 weakness) was through the fucking roof with shion. but still, something was missing.

sidenote on something the author mentioned in the guidebook interview (my own rough t/l):

I like writing about relationships between people of the same sex, not just boys. When it comes to the opposite sex, the end result of being attracted to each other is always romantic love, or getting married…… To a certain extent, the “template” for that is already fixed, isn’t it? But when it comes to the same sex, there can exist a connection that can’t be expressed in the usual cliched words like friendship, camaraderie, love, hatred… I think there’s meaning in writing about relationships that can’t be clearly defined. What’s between Shion and Nezumi is a “one-of-a-kind connection” that’s born out of a certain situation, out of certain experiences that only they have gone through. I wanted to find out what exactly that connection is, which was why I wanted to try writing it. Of course, that “one-of-a-kind connection” would probably exist between people of the opposite sex as well. After all, the feelings that emerge from a chance meeting of two human beings can never be something that’s mass-produced. But still, I think the one thing that I really enjoy writing about has got to be the unique emotions that develop between people of the same sex.

i know she doesn’t mean anything negative here, but idk… it kinda reminds me of the way yoshida akimi discussed ash and eiji’s relationship in banana fish, and the way she discussed what she found so special about same-sex relationships that is lacking in m/f relationships. and something about it bugs me so much. i don’t even know why or how to explain it… 

it sounds like to them, there’s something fundamentally “different” about same-sex relationships. "different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad” and in fact, it even sounds positive in this context because the implication is that that “difference” allows for more freedom and variety in relationship dynamics. but i guess, the closest thing that i can come up with is that it sounds… othering? i don’t know….......

speaking of which, i suppose shion/safu is a subversion of that typical m/f relationship. shion can never love her the way she wants him to, which is heartbreaking, but also refreshing in a way.

and you know what… it just occurred to me that maybe, maybe… it’s the same with shion and nezumi. and maybe that’s why something about them feels off to me. i mean, obviously the strength of their feelings for each other is indisputable, but idk if the essence of it is the same. 

shrugs. anyway, yeah.

the honest truth is that, while i enjoyed their interactions immensely, they just don’t ignite the same fire in me as all my other otps. that said, i still do have a lot of thoughts on them! maybe that’s a post for another day.

some other stray thoughts:

- was it ever explained how nezumi built his robo rats? or where tf he managed to gather so many gold coins? was this something the story just handwaved or did i just forget?

- nezumi wanting to leave on a journey at the end baffled me. even though him eventually leaving was foreshadowed a couple times, he never really struck me as a wanderer to begin with. but now that i think about it… i wonder if he’s leaving bc he wants to, or rather, needs to look out for any other remaining forests and natural environments. that’s what his people did, didn’t they? protect the forests. i wonder if he’s going to go look for others like himself. after all, he’s the only surviving indigenous person left in the area surrounding no.6, isn’t he? hmmm.

language-wise... this is my first proper japanese (light) novel so i’m feeling kinda accomplished rn! lol. it was surprisingly not as tough as i had expected. i think the most difficult part was actually reading the quotes at the beginning of each chapter bc it’s in a font that’s so hard to make out.

oh, and again, some parts felt really redundant. i kept wondering if it was a language thing or an author thing. either way, i felt like there were quite a few unnecessary rehashes that could’ve been omitted to improve the pacing. 

sequels, other adaptations...

i’ve not read “beyond” yet, which apparently has sequel-ish bits? i’ve ordered it, it’s on its way, but i have a feeling my impression won’t change that much even after i’ve read it. heck, it might get worse judging by all these lukewarm reviews. i’m definitely gonna see this through to the end, but i’m feeling kinda scared now lol.

i might check out the anime? based on the summaries on wiki, it sounds like quite a lot has been altered, but i’m still curious about the visuals. dunno if i’d wanna check out the manga. if it’s exactly the same as the novels or the anime then maybe not…

oh yeah, their anime/manga versions look quite different to how i imagined them! mine’s closer to the novel covers i guess. especially nezumi. i imagined him with short hair. maybe not all super saiyan like the one below, but yea.

lastly, i just had a good look at all the vol covers and i actually think they look pretty cool! i’m really glad i chose to get this version instead of the bunkobon. i mean, i don’t know if i will ever reread this again, but at least the covers are nice to look at haha.

[ambitionsource]

also 001 zc im springing it all on u

spring it all on me baybee. i’m ready. i’m thrivin

Zay & Charlie

When I started shipping it if I did: oh if i were a viewer, i think i’d be sniffing out this storyline EARLY. literally from the moment charlie leaps up to volunteer to tutor him in 103 and then is all “you’re so unapologetically yourself” with all that Awe i’d be like... mhm. okay. mhm ok mhm mhm mhm right mhm....... although i think i would be skeptical. i would be kinda like (as i think some of you were) are they actually going to go through with this...... are they playing me 4 a fool.... but then when you watch 112 after so much build and theres the RUNNING ACROSS THE CITY TO GET TO THE AUDITION AND AINT NOOOO AWWWYWYWYWYWYAAYWAAYYYYY AND THE LOUVRE KISS LIKE WAHAHAHWAHWAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH -- yeah i’d be in it from there. you don’t see it coming going INTO the first season, but to be honest zc kind of Owned the first season in the later half there. they were subtle in some ways but then they really just brought the mf PUNCH

My thoughts: so. clearly. i love them. fdkjshgkjsg i think i have a lot of fondness for them because they really organically blossomed in the first season in a way i wasn’t expecting. as y’all know, we broke the story for the second season first and then backtracked to s1, and i will be candid... charlie was like... not a person when we first outlined s2 JFGDSKLGKDFGKLFDH. he was in a relationship with zay, and it was supposed to be this big surprise going into the second season, but otherwise we really didn’t like... know what to do with him or honestly had THOUGHT about it. but then as we started working on s1, he just kind of... emerged, as well as their storyline of barely acquaintances to friends to unexpected lovers. and i really really love what they grew to be. they’ve been one of the best parts of writing the show tbh and i have so much fun writing their scenes, even when they’re challenging (cough 208 cough, one of the most difficult scenes i’ve ever written in anything ever)

What makes me happy about them: i love how they see the other person for who they actually are, how they can cut through the bullshit and see the other for how they wish they could be seen (charlie seeing zay as more than the popular “cool” kid that he has to put on as a sort of defense to survive at aaa, and zay seeing charlie for who he actually is beneath all of the facades he’s created to please the rest of the world) and how that allows them the courage to try and actually BE those things. like. charlie may not have ever gotten to a point of really considering accepting his own sexuality if it weren’t for zay, i think -- especially since zay then gave him this incredibly SAFE space to figure it out AND loved him at the same time. i love how they demonstrate such a Balance for one another (there’s that key word again!), like how in s1 a core part of their friendship is the fact that charlie seems to be the only person zay really has who cares about all the things he cares about but also isn’t... a crazy monster the way everyone at aaa is fDJSKFLDG. and zay brings balance to charlie in showing him its okay to have fun, to be imperfect, to throw a swear word around or not give a damn sometimes or do things just because he wants to. and that’s important! that’s major! and then i just love love love how they’re playful with one another but it comes from this very sincere fond place. their dynamic would not be what it is without their sort of teasing nature, but it NEVER feels like it’s coming from a place of animosity, it’s always this affectionate kind of banter. i’m really picky about how teasing translates into romance, and i think the way they make it work is a fave thing about them for me. i’m forgetting like 4324325 things i wanna say here but i love them MUCHO

What makes me sad about them: so. hm. yeah. you know how there are those otp ask games or gif memes and there’s always that category that’s like “it’s right, just not right now” ships? i have always disliked that category bc i think people constantly misinterpret it (or its just a poor label to apply to a ship lmao), but i think they are actually a perfect example of what i think that label is supposed to represent. charlie and zay are 100% right, but not right now. they can’t be right when charlie is still trying to figure out so much of his sexuality and his sense of acceptance, because no matter how much they love each other it’s just not fair to zay to have all these conditions on their relationship. like, it’s great that he likes him enough to be okay with it, but it shouldn’t be that way in a truly healthy situation. yknow? and when the rules keep changing or grow to be confusing (i.e. how charlie seemed to be improving in 207 but then backslid majorly in 208), you end up with like... well, miscommunications like 208. and those can be brutal.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again, i’m just projecting based on my experience in fandom and observing fandom, but here are a handful of things i think would be common in zc fic that would drive me up the wall. 1) babying and/or pandering charlie to the point that he’s just like... this uwu baby gay that completely strips him of his complexity, surprisingly sharp sarcasm, all his uneven edges and quirks, etc. 2) fetishizing of them both or more specifically, racism surrounding the portrayal of zay 3) a complete bashing of charlie’s faith, as that goes against how he’s written + his arc as a character [ like if you gotta work thru ur own grievances with organized religion then by all means, but it would probably bother me bc of his characterization and im literally not even religious lmao ] 4) banter that crosses the line and goes into that territory of lowkey bullying or tasteless that is a squick for me

Things I look for in fanfic: so of course, characterization that allows for the complexity of both of their characters would be A1 from day one as usual. would always love something that highlights the dance thing since that is... so important to their relationship in the show lmao. people who could capture their delicate balance of banter would be whew!!!! also random but i thought about it earlier today -- when winter olympics rolls around again, who is gonna write the ice skating au? it’s only a step or two away from dance y’all, let’s SEE IT!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: zay would make the best of any relationship he gets into, but he and riley could be cute as i have mentioned before (altho i naturally prefer them as best friends, but they would treat each other the way they deserve which is important). there’s a character coming in s4 who i actually really enjoy with zay, but that’s a spoiler and neither here nor there... as for charlie, i again will make my vague comment about appreciating lucas x charlie... and that’s all i can say on that.............

My happily ever after for them: god i just. i want them to be happy and in love. and i mean that in that they’re happy with themselves, so they can be happy with one another. like, TRULY happy without all these conditions or strings attached. and to be able to be happy together IN PUBLIC. literally can you imagine. CAN YOU IMAGINE??

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: hmmmmmm again, i think it would vary. but i think my inclination is that typically zay is the big spoon, although i will say i think charlie is overall more cuddly (not that you’d ever assume so in public bc he’s so repressed DSJKFJDSKLGFDLKG)

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: i assume we wanna discuss the ones... that aren’t dance DJSKLFJDKGJFDLKJGKDJHLKDH. aside from the obvious, i really do think zay and charlie like to go out and explore together and just like... share experiences. like going to art museums is a big one, and seeing live performances. art is something that really connects them and i don’t think that can be understated, and one of their favorite things is experiencing art together and then getting the other to talk about their opinions on it. i also do think that while zay isn’t big on literature, he can be swayed if charlie reads to him. art completely aside, i think they like to go to the grand central market and browse / try new things. they also like window shopping, but that’s kind of funny bc their styles are so different so they’ll be like ooh and the other will be like rly. FDNSJKFDJSLGJDSG. omg they should have a day where they just get to dress the other person up all day in different stores... THERES a fun activity... zay is dressed head to toe in GAP and he’s like please set me on fire fJDSKFJDSKLGJKDLFG

send some winter hiatus asks !! or try this one

[jewishbarbies]

I know your bored so..1-45 for dick/savannah!

FGHJKL BLESS YOU EMILY!!

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

Typically they fall asleep in one spooning position and wake up in another, bc they're very clingy sleepers.

2. How’s their team work? Do they share well?

They work together very well in both civilian and vigilante/hero life. If they get into an argument or disagreement they keep going rather than dwelling on it and making it a big deal, which makes it easier to deal with.

3. Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?

When they were in their teens and their relationship had just started, they could only be openly affectionate when they were alone or at Wayne Manor. Nowadays they can be, but are a little more inclined to subtle affection that you can't really tell is happening unless you're them.

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Their first impressions of each other were quite different. Dick thought Savannah was beautiful and intriguing, definitely love at first sight. Savannah thought Dick was cute but she wasn't really in a place in her life where she would have any real feelings toward him.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

Savannah calls Dick 'Boy Wonder' and only calls him babe/baby in sexual/intimate situations. Dick frequently calls Savannah 'Anna', and has been calling her that since they were 15-16.

6. Any tasks that are always left to one person?

Finding bad guys to beat up is usually left to Dick bc he's a cop so it's easier for him to find them.

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

Savannah is most annoyed by Dick's first instinct to lie, and she would definitely change it if she could. Dick is annoyed by Savannah's bloodlust and frequent lack of humanity, but he wouldn't change it bc it would mean changing who she was.

8. What do they like best about their partner?

Dick likes Savannah's empathy and recklessness. Savannah likes Dick's sweet, caring nature.

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?

They frequently discuss death thanks to Savannah's abilities. Religion hasn't really come up, and neither has children. But marriage has been discussed.

10. Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?

They have separate vehicles but typically Dick drives when they're together, Savannah usually cooks, they have separate apartments so they handle their own handiwork/cleaning/bills, and Dick handles the public.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

They celebrate the bigger holidays like birthdays and Christmas, and anniversaries aren't made a huge deal but they do acknowledge them.

12. Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

No wedding or honeymoon yet, but i'm planning a proposal ;)

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

For fun they usually go see a movie, eat out, or drive to a scenic spot and talk.

14. Anything they both dread?

Getting out of bed in the morning.

15. How adventurous are they?

Extremely, in both private and public settings. They're always up for anything.

16. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

Savannah does hide things from time to time but never actually lies if he asks about something, whereas Dick lies about a lot but is bad at hiding things. Neither of them would ever cheat.

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?

If one of them ever actually did cheat, that would definitely break them up. Probably wouldn't be for forever, though.

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

Their dates are always cute and cozy, dinner dates and picnics inside/outside. They actually dated for about 2 years, took a break for 3 bc prison, and then started dating again. They've had, like, 3 breaks lmao.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

Typically they fight about morality. Both of them can get pretty angry, but Savannah is the worst. They usually make up by some intimate gesture - grabbing the other's hand, a soft kiss, forehead touches.

20. What does their home look like? Their room?

Dick's apartment is very minimalist and grungy, whereas Savannah's is little more cozy and decorated.

21. Do they share any interests or hobbies?

Fighting crime.

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

Not typically, if anything it makes it stronger.

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

They hug with every piece of their souls, like two koalas. Their kissing is usually either really soft and gentle or incredibly passionate and reckless. Teasing/flirting has always come very naturally for them, Savannah has a way of making everything seem sexual/flirtatious. They comfort each other silently, usually with some kind of physical affection.

24. Any doubts about the relationship?

Not really.

25. How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?

It's 50/50 on sharing or holding things in, but they don't actually spend a whole lot of time together. They have to keep up their separate civilian identities.

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

Barbara, Rachel, and Gar and super supportive. Alfred is the world's biggest Danna shipper. Bruce and Savannah's father, Steven, have both never liked them together but Bruce at least doesn't mind it too much.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

Do Rachel and Gar count as kids? XD

28. What are their vacations like?

They don't typically take vacations.

29. How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

Dick panics for just about everything. Outside, he's as cool as a cucumber, but on the inside he's about to explode or die - he doesn't know which one. Savannah is very calm bc she knows who will die and who won't, so she knows when she really has to worry and when she doesn't.

30. Could they manage a long distance relationship?

It would depend on the circumstances, but I believe they could.

31. Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?

Savannah can always tell when Dick is hiding something no matter how hard he tries, and Dick can see through Savannah but only because she's purposely transparent.

32. Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?

As kids they would get into a lot of trouble, mostly bc Savannah's like 'come on, do it, it'll be fine' then they do it and it's definitely not fine at all lmao.

33. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

Typically gifts involve some kind of inside jokes or just something only they would understand the significance of. 

34. Do they have any pets?

Savannah has a cat.

35. Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw?

It's 50/50 for best v. worst. I think they're fatal flaw is lacking important verbal communication.

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

Both their strength and weakness is how much they care about each other.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

They would literally do anything. I don't think there's anything they wouldn't do.

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

Their sex is always best when it's emotionally charged, like after a fight or an argument. They're both pretty open about trying new things. Insulting is a major turn-on and shower sex is A++.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

Dick started the friendship, Savannah kissed him first, and they realized it was love during a charity event.

40. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

Their fondest memories are all at Wayne Manor.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

Savannah would drag Dick to parties when they were teens. She's typically very easy-going and still a bit level-headed, Dick gets withdrawn and sullen. It happens quite often for Savannah.

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Yes.

43. Do they talk often? What about?

Talking to Dick helps Savannah stay grounded when her abilities act up, so they talk quite a bit. The topic varies but it's usually something random. 

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

There really isn't anything they'd be uncomfortable doing around each other.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

There's a lot of small heartbreaks from throughout the years. Breaking up when Dick went to college, trying to balance an oddly intimate but distant relationship, Savannah getting sent to Arkham, trying to fix things when she escaped, her list of people to kill, his need to leave Gotham.

Send me a couple + a number

[tinyfluffyshark]

bored eh? the alphabet.

So here’s where I admit that I had the ask thing in a queue and have not been paying attention to my blog for a whiiiile so this was a little ominous out of context since my first reaction was “what did I post oh no…” XD

A. WHY MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED. Massive communication failures x2. I will be as straightforward as humanly possible and have difficulty when other people can’t be equally clear.

B. FAVORITE BAND. If I say BTS someone will kick me so….. I listen to a lot of NateWantsToBattle, and VocaCircus, but not a lot of actual bands. Oh, the Vocaloid artist Kira!!!

C. WHO I LIKE AND WHY I LIKE THEM. I am not currently romantically interested in anyone, but I made two new friends in Psych and I like them because One has this cheerful happy outlook fresh out of high school (so different than mine) and is like what a teenager should be (not a complete damaged wreck), and the Other is really sweet, easy to talk to, and awkward and makes me feel really comfortable.

D. HARDEST THING I’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH. All of the years 2011-2017, with 2016 being the absolute worst. Picking the least personal details, I lost a lot of people,  had some personal crises, and everyone I cared about was not having a good time, so the accumulation of stuff.

 E. MY BEST FRIEND. @piabird obvs, sweet child please stop drinking so much cola I worry for you. But also one of my friends from high school (bc equally insane and morbid train of thoughts and also weird deep convos that always end in some stupid joke = the best kind of friendship.)

F. MY FAVOURITE MOVIE. I have watched the first Pokemon and Digimon movies more times than justifiable.

G. SEXUAL ORIENTATION. ACE!!!

H. DO I SMOKE/DRINK? Nope, I know people who do though and when they hug me I get headaches (I love them though)

 I. HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS? I WANT a tattoo but probably won’t, I’d never be able to decide on one. I have ten total piercings. Five helix (three on right ear two on the left) and five lobe (opposite distribution) I’d get a lip piercing but I would be killed ouo

J. WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GET OLDER. A HERO!!  Or a psychotherapist and some kind of emergency doctor.

K. RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS. Pretty Good; I love them and they try very hard and are mostly successful, I think, in raising me and my siblings. A little distance on my end but I don’t blame them.

L. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES. I’m really broken up inside my mind, so I feel like no one deserves to have to deal with that? I have a lot of opinions and a lot of controversial opinions, and most of me only makes sense to me, so I’d rather not inconvenience others by having them deal with me. Everything is zero and 100 with me, so I don’t see why people voluntarily subject themselves to my presence. 

M. VIRGIN OR NOT? Yup

N. FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP AT? Walmart has food, art supplies, yarn, flowers, and video games, why would I go anywhere else?

O. MY EYE COLOUR. BROWN, we messed up our heterozygote lab so I’ll never know if I got my dad’s green hazel gene.

 P. WHY I HATE SCHOOL. Sometimes the people stink, sometimes it’s the stress, sometimes I’m just not learning the parts I want to be learning. Sometimes your humanities Gen Ed course coupled with some fiction you were reading triggers an existential crisis. ^_^ it’s a lottery of fun and knowledge!

 Q. RELATIONSHIP STATUS AS OF RIGHT NOW. Taken? Okay so I was gonna post about this later, and I know I said I don’t like anyone romantically, but either by this end of this year or beginning of next I’m getting engaged (I’m not being forced, I can and will say no if I feel like it). It is an arranged marriage but not the kind you’re thinking of.  If everything works out I’m not getting married for another four years (He wants to graduate and I wanted four years so it worked out for us both). (I’ll be gross and spaz about him later)  

 R. FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT. Selfish by Heartbreaker, and Selfish REMIX by Kira!!!! I wish they could take the vocals from the remix and mix them with the music of the original.

S. A RANDOM FACT ABOUT MYSELF. I have a comically small cactus because my friend was trying to find something I wouldn’t pet (“if it smiles back it’s my friend and I can pet it.” “so I get you a cactus with googly eyes and a smile drawn on…” “…would you?”) I want a calico cat named Serenglitchity because I can’t get two named Glitch and Serendipity. And I cut my own hair whenever I get bored so I get some really weird and daring hairstyles accidentally. (Last time was a mullet! My cousin works with poodles and fixed it.)

T. AGE I GET MISTAKEN FOR. 16 (I’m 20)

 U. WHERE I WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW. I’m currently in my bed this is a pretty happy place. At school, there’s this café connected to an outdoor study area and I sat in this spot that had me in the sunlight but by the door so cool air would blow over me, and it was nice. Very refreshing.

V. LAST TIME I CRIED. Wednesday. See insecurity and relationship status…

W. CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO. The free kind at Canada Day. My favourite bands have played nearby and I’ve never gone but one day. One day.

X. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF (…)? You didn’t specify but I can tell you now, the answer is laugh. I will laugh. No matter what it is, my reaction is always to laugh.

Y. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE. I’m at uni, but definitely, if I need a skill that’s offered at college I’ll go!! I like it here OuO

Z. HOW ARE YOU? RECOVERING FROM AN EXCRUCIATING HEADACHE WHILE STUDYING FOR EXAMS!!!! Feeling pretty good actually. Happy at least, not too stressed despite exams. And this was fun, honestly helped me relax a bit, thank you!

[acuppellarp]

We’re excited to announce that Amy has decided to level up Natalie Ramos from a mumu minor character to a main character! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Amy + she/her Age: 29 Timezone: CST Ships: natalie/chemistry Anti-Ships: natalie/no chemistryIC INFO

IC INFO

Full Name: Natalie Lucia Aguilar Ramos Face Claim: Adria Arjona Age/Birthday: 22 / January 17, 1996 Occupation: College student / bike messenger Personality: indecisive, solitary, ambitious, logical, pessimistic Hometown: Watertown, Massachusetts Bio: The youngest of three children by more than a handful of years, Natalie Ramos had a surplus of people in her life to tell her what to do since before she left the womb. There wasn’t a mistake she could make without someone right there to stop her, share a life lesson, and send her back on the way they believed she should go. Having parents and a couple siblings that had lived through it all before, Natalie became their fresh start. Dreams they hadn’t achieved themselves were suddenly thrust her way, and not wanting to disappoint, Natalie tried to live up to it. Dance, gymnastics, tennis, there wasn’t an upper-crust hobby she wasn’t enrolled in lessons for. Always hyper aware the expectations placed on her, the pressure to live up to them was bordering on suffocating. There was never a time when she wasn’t terrified of disappointing them.

It wasn’t until she was a teenager that Natalie began to notice signs of the financial burden their country club lifestyle was putting on her parents. The hushed fights about money were caught more often, but it was never something they wanted to discuss with her. Her parents were more determined than ever to keep Natalie getting the best education they could. When she turned fifteen, they sat her down and told her she’d be attending boarding school. None of it made any sense with the puzzle pieces of her family she’d been putting together, but like usual, her parents insisted on shielding her from the truth. She was only shown the rose tinted picture of their life that was painted for her.

Shipped off to Rhode Island, Natalie was away from her family’s hovering form of pressure for the first time. Used to having someone tell her what to do and map out all her choices for her, the new found freedom was a tough adjustment. Struggling in her new school where for the first time her social standing wasn’t already written for her, Natalie was lost and friendless. It wasn’t until she was given a lifeline in the form of Sugar Motta, that things began to turn around for her. Family friends of Sugar’s family, Natalie had no idea that like most things in her life, her parents were the driving factor in the two connecting. Even finding out who had given Sugar the initial push, Natalie was nothing but grateful to have the girl in her life. Instantly she went from the weird freshman outcast to being invited along most anywhere Sugar went. The girl was like no one she’d ever met before. Confident, outspoken, and completely herself, Sugar was everything Natalie wished that she could be.

The more time they spent together, the more taken with her that Natalie became. By the time the year was over and Sugar was graduating, the admiration she felt for her friend had grown into a massive crush. It was the first time Natalie had ever felt so strongly about anyone, much less about another girl. The day before Sugar was set to leave for college, Natalie threw caution to the wind and kissed her. She’d been dreaming about the moment for so long, and yet she hadn’t imagined how quickly it could destroy their friendship. While Sugar let her down easy and promised they’d talk every day while she was in New York, it didn’t take long for Natalie to see that it had been empty words. Sugar was gone, fully emerged in her new life if her twitter was to be believed, and Natalie was left to get over her first heartbreak without her best friend.

For the rest of her high school career, Natalie found it easier to mold herself into what other people wanted her to be. She got good grades, loaded up on extra-curriculars, had the perfect boyfriend on her arm, and did everything that was expected of her. It made her parents proud, and somewhere along the way, she began to believe that was the only thing that mattered.

When it came time to look at colleges, NYU was one of many Natalie applied to, but it was always where she knew that she would end up. Not only was it the college where her older siblings had gone, but her parents as well. It was a forgone conclusion that Natalie would follow the same path, but luckily for her, New York offered her a little room to breathe. Sure her major (business) and where she’d live (dorm life to “build character”) were chosen for her, but she was finally on her own in a way that boarding school never fully provided. There was no longer anyone there looking over her shoulder for every choice that she made. Terrifying at first, Natalie finally found her footing. She quickly learned that lying to her parents about having the perfect life they dreamed for her was much easier than actually trying to live one. Her hobbies were her own, and so was where she spent her free time.

A coffee shop frequented mostly by lesbians would have never been her usual hangout before moving to New York, but it was one example of Natalie attempting to make her life her own. The place was welcoming, and often full of people confident in their sexuality in a way she still envied. It was at ACup where Natalie met Shawn. A couple years older and with a smile that melted her on the spot, Natalie was taken with her at first sight. Having only kept her interest in girls to meaningless hookups and her relationships to men, Natalie wasn’t planning to fall for Shawn the way that she did. She tried to deny her feelings to herself and anyone who dared mention it to her. She clung to the closet with both hands and a vice like grip, but luckily for her, Shawn didn’t scare off easily.

Having been out already comfortable in her own skin, Shawn was patient as their relationship grew. Soon the months started to add up, but Natalie’s progress in coming out didn’t. The fear of disappointing her family was overwhelming, but it went even beyond that. Despite where she and Shawn had met and the shared friends they had, Natalie refused to acknowledge their relationship to anyone. Dates were at places she was positive no one would know them. Anytime they happened to be at ACup at the same time, they seemed just as friendly as they were with anyone else. The gay panic Natalie felt when her roommate Harper almost caught them together was enough to have Natalie call things off despite how deeply in love she was. It was hardly the first time she’d done it, but it was the beginning of the end for them. Shawn began to try and nudge Natalie out of the closet, and Natalie began to resent her for it. The fights about it became more frequent until finally Shawn walked away for good.

Natalie both blames and hates herself for how things ended. She knows that she has to find a way to open up to people in her life. Her closed off nature goes well beyond her romantic life. Even people Natalie considers her friends are kept at a distance. She knows that if she keeps it up she will end up miserable and alone forever, but she has no idea how to actually change it.

Pets: None

Relationships:

Harper Clarington - Paired randomly to the same dorm room freshman year, Harper and Natalie are still living together four years later. Despite being roommates, their friendship has been slow to bloom. Natalie’s inability to fully open up about herself makes that difficult, but she genuinely enjoys Harper’s company and sense of humor.

Sugar Motta - As an awkward antisocial high school student, Natalie’s friendship with Sugar was unexpected. Despite their families having been friends for years, it wasn’t until Natalie was sent to the same private school as Sugar that their connection began. Sugar was older, confident, and outgoing which was everything Natalie wished she was. The day before Sugar left for New York to attend college, Natalie kissed her. Sugar attempted to let her down easy and assure her that their friendship was going to be just fine, but as the silence between them grew, Natalie knew she’d messed up.

Stevie Evans - As a fellow bike messenger, Stevie is a part of the same odd little brotherhood that comes with it. They’re friends and willing to help each other out when needed, but without all the personal sharing that most close friendships include.

Spencer Porter, Jane Hayward, & Riley Lynn - New roommates for her senior year, Natalie isn’t sure what to expect out of any of them. She hopes Harper was kidding when trying to explain to her what living with Spencer would be like, but she’s willing to keep her distance in case she wasn’t.

EXTRA INFO

natalie / natqueencole / waiting for mambo no. 6

Five latest tweets:

@ group projects are the bane of my existence

@ if i ever disappear, know that my roommate is never not watching murder shows

@ the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket: watch how far i can kick this bucket

@ life is exhausting

@ took a quiz to see what kind of cereal i am and it’s wrong bc i am def cinnamon toast crunch

[therapybabbie]

December 18, 2020

i’m starting this blog so i can have a place to journal my progress when i start intensive outpatient therapy in a couple weeks. i’m having the worst mental health of my entire life right now, which is honestly saying something because this is (i think) the fourth time in my life that i’ve genuinely wanted to be dead. i wouldn’t consider myself suicidal because i’m too scared of pain, death, and hurting my family to ever actually do anything, but when i feel like this it’s more like i just wish i’d never been born or wasn’t conscious. 

anyway, my depressive episodes have only gotten worse with each succeeding episode, so i guess i’ve finally realized that it’s time to treat my mental health like the emergency it is. also, the more i age the more i start to notice the growing discrepancy between how my brain is maturing emotionally (it’s not) vs. peers in my age group (theirs actually are). i lack a lot of incredibly basic life skills, and i’m actually getting worse at them with age rather than better. i always thought my depression would get better as i got older, as my brain matured etc., but i guess i wasn’t thinking of depression as an illness that progresses if left untreated, and mine has been progressing like crazy. 

i’m becoming increasingly unable to force myself to do things that i don’t want to do, cope with negative emotions, feed myself, drink water, take medicine, prevent myself from impulsive behaviors, etc. i’m aware that i’ve been pretty dangerously dehydrated now for about 6 years, to the point that i have fainted a few times, had a lot of liver pain, and have chronic gum disease and have to go to the dentist every 2 months (spent at least $2,000 on that by now) bc i don’t have enough saliva to keep my gums or teeth healthy. what is the reason??????? i literally cannot force myself to drink water. getting up to get it is, like, painful for me, as well as having to get up to pee all the time if i’m actually hydrated. i really don’t know how to explain this because there is no reason why i’m doing this to myself when it is so easy to fix and it’s causing such horrible problems with my body. all i can say is, it sounds insane because it is.

i also do not eat like a normal person, to the point that i know i’m anemic and vitamin deficient, but can’t do anything about it. i don’t cook food or eat at home because something about that process is incredibly painful to me. if i put myself in a situation where that’s what i have to do that day, i will just not eat. i usually just end up getting really expensive favor orders or fast food. this is super unhealthy to the point that it’s impairing my brain function, not to mention being a waste of money, but i cannot stop. in college, my social anxiety was so bad that i pretty much avoided meals to the point that i don’t get hungry the way a normal person does anymore. most of the time, i don’t get hungry at all because my stomach is in a lot of pain from either anxiety or just unhealthy eating habits. every once in a while, i get incredibly hungry but then i order a bunch of food and can’t eat very much of it because my stomach gets weirdly full quickly. this hasn’t even resulted in weight loss, however, because all of the food i’m eating is unhealthy and i don’t do anything to exercise.

aside from becoming increasingly unable to care for my health in even the most basic ways, i’ve had a lot of negative things happen to me this year that i can’t cope with. the worst has been my breakup with m, which has been a catastrophic year-long shitshow and been difficult for me to process or understand. he broke up with me back in september 2019, we got back together by that november, he started treating me like shit by january, i dumped him on Easter, he wormed his way back by late may and even though i wouldn’t get back together with him we were still hanging out constantly until august when i found out some disturbing shit he did back in january and started this terrible cycle of cutting him off every few weeks only to let him back in my life to some degree.

luckily, each time letting him talk to me again has gotten shorter and shorter. the last time was two weeks ago and we were only on speaking terms for a week total before i told him to leave me alone again, so that is progress. it just sucks when you so desperately want to believe that someone was who you thought they were while you were together, yet they keep doing more and more to prove that that was fake and they are actually a bad person. i wish i could’ve just had a normal breakup, where i’m sad about the loss but still think the person is fundamentally good. instead, i’m dealing with all these crazy feelings of realizing m was never who i thought he was, was not really a good person at all, and probably did not love me (at least not the way most people feel love or the way i loved him). it sucks to realize that nobody has ever actually been in love with you and that the person you’ve been in love with the most in your life did not really exist. it makes me hate myself, honestly.

i haven’t used benzos since my birthday 1.5 months ago, but that was another problem i was having basically from june-october this year. i’ve never loved any feeling as much as i loved benzos, other than being in love, but the love was not ever real and the benzos were, so it was probably better for me overall (ha ha). taking xanax or clonazolam was like being submerged in a hot tub that i could breathe in. taking them every night was like slipping into a pool of warm water that was also a portal into another world where i was literally someone else who couldn’t even comprehend the idea of anxiety, let alone experience it. i’m sorry, but people who don’t do drugs don’t understand that there actually is not any genuine human experience you can have that feels better in the moment than drugs do. the only problem is that the drug feeling comes with so many negative side effects that it isn’t worth it. coming to terms with the fact that i will never feel as good as i did with drugs, that i will feel good again but in a different way that takes a lot of work, has sucked. i was damaging my brain and body so bad that i was near killing myself and i’m pretty lucky my heart didn’t stop from everything i was combining (coke, benzos, adderall, alcohol). now i’m only letting myself drink and do coke (but NEVER together...i don’t even like coke unless it’s by itself or with benzos, it feels so dirty when you mix it with drink).

anyway, i also just don’t like my roommate but that is honestly the least of my worries. still, it sucks coming home and having her be there and just feeling how much she hates me seeping through our shared wall. i don’t know why i am so good with letting go of friendships but so bad at letting go of romantic relationships LMAO. i mean, i don’t get rid of friends easily at ALL. i’ve only lost 2 friends in the past 12 years and they were friendships i’d had for 13 years and 10 years, respectively. but once i decide i’m done with a friend, i don’t feel sad at all or think about them and if i ever do it’s just like “wow i really don’t like that person.” so it’s been good that i haven’t felt sad about that, but it just sucks that she’s still in my house and i have to kind of be reminded that she exists. and it’s bad for my self esteem bc i know she doesn’t like me, yet she’s aware of anything i do at my own house (although i never see her thankfully). anyway, i’m really excited to start IOP and work on my emotional skills and hopefully get my mind right.