#im sorry @ aromantics if im misunderstanding what a qpr is

[gutsfics]

hello!! i know you've posted about, i believe it was tobias and your loa mc, being in a queer platonic relationship, which i find very interesting, but i'm just curious what exactly a qpr is? and maybe more specifically what it means to you and your characters if you want to share that?

i'm going to preface this by saying that i have never been in a qpr myself (afaik), and i am still trying to figure out my romantic (and sexual, tbh) orientation, so what i know about it is stuff ive learned from people who are aromantic and in a qpr! just no personal first hand experience

a queerplatonic relationship is, from my understanding, when two (or more! im sure there are queerplatonic polycules out there) people take on very strong and important roles in each other's lives, similar to roles that romantic partners might take, ie living together, taking care of each other when sick or hurt, sharing financials, being emergency contacts, and possibly getting married for those sweet sweet legal benefits. like, its one thing to have a friend help take care of you while your sick and another thing to have a person in your life you can share financial and legal burdens with, just to lighten the load. just without the romance. not necessarily without the sex- that varies person to person. the "platonic" part refers to romance

for Tobias and Reigan, their relationship started off as a "we're aromantic and we're out but people in our lives won't stop hounding us to settle down bc they don't understand what being aromantic means no matter how many times we explain it. do you wanna fake date?" and as they got to know each other they both decided that the other was kind of the perfect person to depend on, financially* and legally. they get married twice, once in a courthouse in Boston and then again a year later bc their parents were all disappointed they didn't do a big white wedding (the second one was technically a vow renewal but they didn't. really give vows the first time. they just rocked up to a courthouse and were like "hey. marry us.")

so basically. Tobias and Reigan's relationship, for them, is about both the legal/financial security that comes from being married, and getting family members to stop asking when they'll settle down (& in Reigan's case, to get Joaquin to stop flirting w him🥴). Also: friendship. these two vibe like no other & they genuinely just enjoy spending time with each other

*i am not saying this in a "one or both is gold diggers" type way but in a "buying a house is expensive and difficult by yourself" way. although im sure thats probably obvious bc theyre a doctor and a lawyer living very comfortably in nyc (Tobais eventually moves in w Reigan when he decides his time in Boston/at Edenbrook is done)

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is I made some posts about how like when I say im Aro people assume lots of other stuff goes with it automatically like I have to be ace to and I have to do qprs to like “make up for being Aro” and I’ll explain no but then people act like I’m just nasty and then they start like making jokes about my sex life and being insanely invasive and talking like what I’m doing makes me cool but like evil at the same time? And like I’m just doing this so I don’t have to connect with people? And I’m like dude no I’m not “choosing” this tf I’m not doing this to be cool or mean this is just how I work that doesn’t make me like a asshole or a bully or some cool guy

and I made a post like whining about it and people were in the tags being supportive but they made assumptions to they were saying like shout out to the aroallos who don’t fuck or who like aren’t having sex we’re not gross! and it’s like yeah that’s great man and that IS true but that’s so not what I was talking about at all and not my situation at all and now there’s just more assumptions and it makes me feel like more isolated and upset and like they would think I’m gross and I don’t know they could’ve just misread it or something

I wish there weren’t so many damn assumptions and people wouldn’t assume preferences and stuff there’s lots of different ways to be you don’t know unless someone tells you and if you do get it wrong and they correct you then listen please man I’m tired of it being like I have to water it down and half ass my sexuality or else I’m a predatory sex crazed evil asshole or something like damn man people can like sex and be aromantic without being satan incarnate himself I don’t know dude I don’t like it when people put words in my mouth and the misunderstandings on the Aro post and Aro comics I made really reminded me of all that

With the comic I made I didn’t specify if the character in there was sexual or not because it didn’t matter and I didn’t want that to be the focus the focus was how aromantic people who aren’t ace get treated like predators a lot and it’s either treated like oh it’s cool you don’t care and you hurt people or you’re fucking horrible etc and THAT was the point that’s what I wanted it to come across as and be the focus of like cause what you do isn’t relevant if you have sex a lot or not there’s going to be comments like that it’s not about what you actually do it’s about how people see you and react to what they think is happening yk it’s about assumptions but then people started assuming things about me or implying that the character and I didn’t fuck as much and shout out to us and people like us and I’m like dudee nooo you’re missing the point

anyway sad misunderstanding reminding me of other sad shit Eugh :(

sorry that happened, but also. holy moly long submission